Chapter Text
Simon
When Simon opens the advent calendar on Tuesday and reads the note, he’s not completely sure what to make of it. Without even thinking about it he calls Wille, because what the hell is this thing? It takes a few beeps before he picks up.
“Hi,” Wille’s voice comes through the phone, sounding distant. Like Simon caught him being in the middle of something important.
“What the hell is an Ice Sculpture Art Exhibition?” He blurts out nonetheless even before he says hello, because apparently Simon can’t really read the room. Well, he’s pretty sure he knows what it is, but he had no clue they even had something like that here in Stockholm.
He can hear Wille excuse himself to someone on the other end, and he suddenly realizes Wille is probably at work. And probably has been for a while. It’s just him who can work from home and go into the office later, or never. “I’m sorry, Wille. You’re probably busy.”
“It’s fine, Simon. What are you talking about?” Wille says with a small laugh.
“Okay, I’ll be quick,” Simon says fast, before he picks up the note from the calendar and reads it. “Go to the Ice Sculpture Art Exhibition. Bring warm clothes. I didn’t even know we had something like this around here?”
He can hear papers rustling through the phone and a door open and close. “Well, I guess you’ll find out then?” Wille laughs.
“We’ll find out, it’s you and me. You know that!” Simon exclaims, Wille should know that by now.
A door opens and closes again, and Wille says something Simon can’t catch. “I’m really sorry, Simon. But I have to go. When is it? I have to work until 17.00, maybe 17.30 today?”
Well, Simon should probably work too, he has a deadline to make. “Yes, of course,” he says, trying his best to hide his unreasonable disappointment. “Since it’s a Tuesday and people actually work around here, I guess it’ll be open tonight. I can check it and text you?”
Simon has always been proud of Wille, he took all the difficult courses and Simon felt like he had it so easy in college. But he has to admit he feels a bit distanced from Wille’s corporate life. He sounds so important, having all this responsibility. It’s a big contrast to his own chaotic, journalist life. Maybe that’s why they make such good friends, because they complement each other somehow.
“Just open the next file, Elina,” Wille says with his work voice. Simon has never thought about it before now, that Wille uses a different voice at work. Or maybe it’s towards Simon it’s different? Warmer somehow.
Simon shakes his head, he’s being delusional. “Elina, huh?” he teases instead.
“Shut up, will you?” Wille states annoyed and Simon has to laugh. “Text me later, okay? I’ll see you tonight, Simon. Looking forward to it.” Then the line goes out and Simon just stares at his phone. Now he almost feels stupid for calling Wille without texting first and asking if he had time. But he was so curious about this Art Exhibition he’s never even heard of.
He’s a journalist. He does research for a living. Shouldn’t he know about stuff like this? Fair enough, he usually does music articles and pieces, but he’s definitely checking out what this Exhibition is.
His phone flares up with a call from Ayub and he picks it up right away, happy to have an excuse not to work. He’s clearly not his boss’s favorite employer today.
“Hey,” he says cheerfully, while he puts the call on speaker and starts making a coffee.
“Hey, man. Are you busy?” Ayub asks, he sounds slightly breathless and Simon sharpens his attention.
“I should be, but no. I’m not. What’s up?” he replies and puts his coffee making on hold.
“Okay, so I’m supposed to do this DJ work on Thursday at the Winter Ceremony at Stockholm University. A guy from work was supposed to help out, but he just called and said he can’t. Do you mind?” Ayub speaks fast, like he has to get as many words out as fast as possible.
He’d done a few DJ gigs with Ayub back in college, it had been a nice way to get a little income back then. Ayub did most of the work, but he needed help with setups and rigging and Simon was usually happy to help.
Now he hesitates though, because what if it’ll crash with the advent calendar activity? The calendar shouldn’t stop him from doing other stuff, but it’s been such a huge part of his December up until now, he doesn’t want to miss it. Maybe he could sneak at it, find out if he could do both? It’s not like he’ll be punished for doing that or anything.
“Give me a second,” he says before he rushes over to the calendar and opens door #11. It might be considered cheating, but he really wants to help out Ayub. Have a photoshoot! Either take selfies or bring someone with you, explore new places.
Shit, can he make both? If he leaves work early he probably could. The Winter Ceremony usually starts later. “Yeah, I’ll help you out,” he decides. He can make both – do the photoshoot first and help Ayub after – it won’t be a problem. “When?”
Ayub exhales loudly, like Simon just saved his day. He probably did. “Thank you, Simon. It starts at 19.30, so we have to be there at 18.30? That okay?”
“I’ll be there,” Simon says with a smile before he hangs up. Now he should definitely get to work. Simon searches for the exhibition and finds out that it’s open until 22.00. That gives them plenty of time.
Simon: exhibition open until 22.00. Meet you there at 19.00?
Meeting at 19.00 would hopefully give Wille enough time to make it without stressing. He scrolls his phone for a few more minutes to read about the exhibition. Collaboration between China and Sweden has brought ice sculptures from China to show their talent. It’s held at an indoor ice rink downtown – because you can’t trust the Swedish winter to stay cold. Simon clicks on a couple pictures and he’s actually becoming excited about this.
The half-made coffee still waits for him on the counter, so he finishes it before he puts on some low music and opens his computer. He starts by reading through everything he’d done on Friday, realizing it wasn’t actually that bad. He hadn’t been able to do anything yesterday, being swamped with other tasks. Meaning he lost all day yesterday and he has to catch up.
But Simon’s mind drifts back to last night. It had reminded him that Christmas can be about so much more than just your own family and friends. It was helping others, giving back. Watching Robert and Elliot’s faces light up when they turned on the lights filled his whole body with warmth. It made him long for a love where someone looked at him the way they looked at each other.
Then his eyes had met Wille’s and for a second it was a flicker of something on Wille’s face that made Simon’s heart skip a beat. It was something in his eyes that had suddenly made him blush. It was gone just as quick, and now Simon wonders if he’d made it all up. The dinner had been emotional, but it had also felt good leaving it feeling like things were back to normal.
His phone vibrates on the table and he picks it up to see a text from Wille.
Wille: 19.00 sounds good. Sorry about brushing you off earlier, I’m just really swamped here.
He smiles to himself at Wille’s text. Of course he’d felt the need to apologize for being busy. Typical Wille. He sends a quick text back saying he didn’t need to be sorry, and he was looking forward to seeing him. Then he sends an email to his boss about working from home and puts an alarm on for 16.30 to make sure he has time to gather everything and send to Mrs. Eklund before 17.00. He locks his phone and places it face-down on the table. Out of sight out of mind, hopefully.
“Work,” he says out loud. Maybe saying the word out loud makes him actually do it.
A few hours later, Simon has to admit it didn’t. He’s written the rough first draft, but he should probably have done more progress than that. He actually hopes tomorrow’s advent activity is something that won’t take up too much time, because he should definitely be working. But that is tomorrow’s problem, and he has to focus on today, because he only has an hour and a half before he has to send everything to his boss.
At exactly 17.00, Simon closes his computer and curses under his breath about the sucky work day. It didn’t matter now, he had two hours before he was supposed to meet Wille, and he’s barely eaten today. So a shower and a meal sound like a good way to spend them.
Two hours later he stands outside the ice hall waiting for Wille. It has actually started to snow, and even though he’s not a big fan of the cold, he has to admit that it is nice to have snow in December. The white light up the darkness and makes everything a little less depressive.
Wille: Sorry, running late. I’ll be there in 20
Twenty minutes out in the snow, was not happening. He was happy it snowed, but it didn’t mean he wanted to stay outside and feel it. So he runs across the street and in to the café on the other side. He can stay here and get warm before he has to spend time in a freezing ice hall.
Simon scans the café quickly to see if he knows someone there – he doesn’t. So he sits down by the window and pulls out his phone. He scrolls mindlessly through it, and then the song he played for Wille two weeks ago shows up in front of his eyes. Wille had praised the song and told him he should send it to the artist. But then his brain had decided to forget about it. He had been busy getting over heartbreak and doing all the advent activities, so he can excuse his brain this one mistake.
But maybe he should just do it? What did he have to lose anyway? If the artist didn’t like it, he would just not use it. It’s as easy as that. Fuck it, he’ll just do it. And if, if he’s ever so lucky that this artist wants his song, he will most definitely rub that in Marcus’s stupid face.
He opens his email and finds the artist’s contact info. Puts in the manager’s email address and attaches the lyrics and Simon’s own small recording. He writes a short message telling who he is and that he had talked to the artist about it, then his finger hovers over the send button. If he does this, there’s no way back. It’s out there. His words, his voice. What if it’s not good enough? But then again, it’s not like Simon has to depend on someone recording the song.
So he presses send and his heart is racing a little faster. It’s scary, putting yourself out there like this, showing off a side of you that you haven’t before. But he also feels brave, and that’s not something he’s very used to feeling.
A smile forms on his lips and he looks up to see Wille walking towards the ice hall. Simon gets up from his chair and nearly runs out of the café, filled with some new energy.
“Wille,” he says loudly to get the other’s attention. Wille turns towards him with a smile. Simon runs over to him and stops right in front of him. Wille doesn’t say anything, just looks at him with a raised eyebrow and an expression that says “spill.” Like he knows Simon is almost bubbling over with excitement.
“I sent the song,” he declares and he watches as the wheels in Wille’s brain are catching up to what the hell he’s talking about. Then it visibly hits him, and Wille’s lips turn into a smile.
“What?” he exclaims, before Simon is suddenly lifted up in the air and spun around 360 degrees. He laughs and throws his arms around Wille’s neck to make sure he won’t fall, feeling a little embarrassed – it’s not this big of a deal. “That’s awesome Simon.” Then Wille lets him go quickly. A very visible pink color creeps up his cheeks, and Simon can’t help but wonder why. It’s not like it’s the first time they’ve hugged, or been excited about each other’s bravery and accomplishments.
Wille takes a step back, and looks around quickly. Simon’s small confusion takes a permanent place in his brain at Wille’s fast-paced emotions. He’s not sure what to do about it, but he decides not to dwell on it, it would take him too much time to go through it right now. “Yes, I was just scrolling while I waited for you, and just jumped on it,” Simon says instead, feeling a little shy. What is going on?
“I’m proud of you,” Wille states, before he looks up at the sign outside the hall. “So what is this thing?”
Simon takes a breath, and then he explains to Wille what he had read earlier. “That’s basically all I know, so I guess we have to just go in and see?” he ends his explanation and smiles. If he’s being honest he has absolutely no idea what they are about to walk in on.
Wille gives him an “after you” gesture and holds the door open letting Simon walk in first. The first thing that hits him the minute he walks through the door is that he definitely didn’t bring enough clothes. He suppresses a shiver and walks further in. He won’t admit that just yet.
The second thing is a huge dragon made of ice and his mouth falls open. It looks exactly like those big Chinese dragons, formed with a snake-like body and four legs. It’s beautiful. “Wow,” he sighs.
He can feel Wille’s presence next to him, but Simon is mesmerized by the sculpture in front of him. The details are exquisite and he takes a few steps to be able to see the whole dragon.
“This is amazing,” Wille says quietly and Simon glances over at him. His eyes roam over the dragon before he meets Simon’s. Something switches in Wille’s eyes the minute their eyes meet, and Wille looks away quickly – suddenly very interested in another figure.
For a while they just walk around the hall and examine all the beautiful art. It’s another dragon further in the back, a couple of dolphins and something that looks like a teddybear. But it doesn’t take long before Simon barely feels his toes, and his hands feel like ice. He tries his best to suppress another shiver, but this time it’s inevitable. “Are you cold?” Wille asks, he tips his head to the side and raises an eyebrow.
“No, it’s fine,” Simon tries, but he knows he’s not succeeding, his teeth have started to clatter and he can’t even control the chills anymore. Wille just looks at him like he was expecting this. “Okay, yes. I’m freezing.” No need to try and hide it.
“You said bring warm clothes,” Wille says, and Simon is well aware of that. And he really thought he had. “You’re shivering, come here.” Wille unbuttons his coat and holds it open for Simon to step into it like a hug. It feels strangely intimate, but at this point Simon is too cold to care.
He slides his hands around Wille’s waist and let Wille pull his coat around him. He places his head on Wille’s shoulder and just takes in all the warmth he can manage. Wille’s sweater has risen a little at his back, and when Simon’s hands touch his skin he jumps a little backwards. “Fuck, Simon. Your hands are ice-cold,” he exclaims.
Simon mumbles a sorry and tries to take a step back, but Wille hasn’t let him go and he tightens his grip. “Next time it says bring warm clothes, do it,” Wille continues with a laugh and Simon hums a “fuck you” in return. But he’s more than thankful for the warmth Wille gives him.
For a minute they just stand like that, Simon soaking up the temperature and Wille holding him. This is what Wille does, takes care of other people. Always puts everyone else above himself. Simon admires that about him, how he can be so open hearted, make sure everyone else is okay before he takes care of himself. “We can leave. We’ve basically seen everything anyway,” Wille murmurs into his ear eventually.
“Yeah, I need a hot cocoa or something,” Simon says and untangles himself from Wille’s coat. He needs more than a hot cocoa, should probably have a hot bubble bath or something to defrost. But a hot drink would do for now.
They make their way outside and ducks into the café Simon was earlier. Wille orders two hot cocoa and protests when Simon tries to pay for it. The barista gives Wille the drinks and he turns around to hand one to Simon. “Come on, I’ll drive you home. I don’t want to be responsible for you freezing to death,” Wille jokes and Simon rolls his eyes at him.
“Thank you. I don’t think it’s that bad though,” he says when they walk outside again. He shivers as the cold hits him again and he hates his own body for reacting so visibly.
“Yeah, you’re right. I should just let you walk home,” Wille expresses, and Simon can see he’s really trying his best not to laugh. Simon shakes his head, Wille always taking responsibility so easy. He starts walking in the direction Wille came from earlier, this feels good, it feels normal. Like they are back to just being Simon and Wille.
They walk in silence, drinking their cocoa. This ice sculpture exhibition was not something Simon thought he would ever participate at. He appreciates it, because it was definitely worth it, but where would Wille even find out about this? If Wille was the one who gave him the calendar. It’s what he wants to believe, so he’s been able to place all the previous activities to Wille somehow. But this seems random.
“Did you know about this exhibition before today?” he decides to ask. Call it a test if you like, who can judge him for wanting to know who gave it to him?
Wille doesn’t answer right away, like he’s searching for the right words. It’s almost all the confirmation Simon needs. “No, never heard about it. It was nice though. These artists are brilliant,” Wille says, but Simon doesn’t quite believe him this time. He decides to not drag more out of Wille, he can probably use this to his advantage. It could be fun, to see Wille squirm under his questions about the activities. At least for now.
“They really are,” he decides to say and drinks the rest of his cocoa. This day has been a struggle, but spending time with Wille always makes him relax. He feels safe, knowing Wille is around.
When they reach Wille’s car, Simon almost jumps into the seat and puts the heat on max when Wille starts the car. “Come on, Simon. I don’t want to die of a heatstroke,” Wille complains and takes his coat off. He hands it to Simon like a question and he takes it and pulls it around himself. It smells like Wille, and Simon can feel how exhausted he actually is.
Simon puts on some slow music and sinks back into the car seat. He hums to the music and can see Wille glance over at him a couple of times out of the corner of his eye. It’s small details Simon’s never thought about before.
Wille pulls up outside Simon’s apartment building and turns towards him. “I’m sorry I had to work late today, it was just a lot,” he says and fiddles with the keychain on his car key.
“Hey,” Simon says and leans closer to place his hand on Wille’s. Wille’s hand is warm against his still slightly chilled one and there’s a quick electric spark when their hands touch. “You know you don’t have to be sorry for working. I probably need to work late tomorrow, so I actually hope it’s not a big activity.” Wille smiles at him, and suddenly Simon feels guilty.
He’s almost convinced Wille is the one who gave him the calendar by now, and now he feels bad for knowing Thursday’s activity already because of Ayub’s DJ gig. Should he just tell Wille? It somehow feels wrong not to. After last weekend, he decides to just put it out there. “Oh and by the way. Ayub asked me to help him out with a DJ gig on Thursday. I had to open the calendar to check before I said yes,” he laughs a small laugh, it almost feels pathetic to let a calendar control his life. He studies Wille’s expression for a second, but he just smiles, so Simon takes it as he’s not mad about it.
“Don’t tell me, I want it to be a surprise for Thursday,” Wille says, and just like that the small seed of doubt is planted in Simon’s brain again. “Is it for the Winter Ceremony?”
Simon’s mind is still occupied with planting the stupid doubt seed so it takes him a second to answer. “Yeah, I think it’ll be fun,” he manages to make his mouth say.
“I’m sure it will be. Text me tomorrow? I can’t park here for much longer,” Wille says and Simon suddenly realizes they’ve actually been sitting there for a while. Time isn’t something he thinks too much about when he’s with Wille.
“Sure, I will,” Simon opens the door and shivers right away. Wille laughs and Simon sends him a deadpanned look before he climbs out. “I’m going to take a stupidly hot shower, and forget about this crappy cold.”
“Goodbye, sunshine,” Wille says as he closes the door and Simon isn’t sure if it was meant sarcastically or not. He keeps thinking about it when he rides up the elevator, when he stands in the stupidly hot shower and when he climbs into bed.
Sunshine? Wille had never called him that before. The word keeps spinning around in his mind, keeping sleep at arm’s length. It’s just a word; it shouldn’t occupy all his brain capacity. He’s not sure if he wants to smile or hide under the covers, shielding himself from the word itself.
Maybe he should ask Wille about it? No, that would be strange, at least if Wille had just meant it sarcastically because of Simon’s complaining. That would mean he had to explain why he now uses hours of the night – where he should be sleeping – to dissect a stupid word. He could confide in Rosh or Ayub, or maybe his sister? Maybe that could bring him some clarity? No, then he had to explain why it would even matter.
Because why would it matter? They were best friends, always had been. His confusion from the hug earlier decides to shout at him that it’s still here too, had Wille’s blush come from the hug or just from the song? What about all the emotions that had flickered over Wille’s face for just a second? Simon hates his brain for doing this in the middle of the night. Maybe things between them had felt a little different lately? Wille blushing more, looking away when their eyes met, his outburst at the club? No, he’s just tired, he had to be; it’s his brain playing tricks on him.
Wille had definitely meant for it to be sarcastic. But what if he hadn’t?