Archive of Our Own ^beta

Leo Valdez wasn't the type of guy people worried about.

Because he was always smiling and making jokes.

And because nobody really cared about him.

He had a best friend. He liked his best friend - in a best-friendish way. Turned out that all his memories were fake and his best friend didn't even know him.

Then there was his other best friend. He liked her - still in a best-friendish way. They spend a lot of time talking together and rebuilding the world.

But it didn't matter anymore. Because his two best friends were together, doing couple-ish things while Leo was building the ship - the Argo II.

And, like Annabeth said, it wasn't his ship. Even if he was the one who worked on it for seven months. Even if he was the one who sacrificed his sleep, his hobbies, his health, his life, for it.

There was the quest. With the 7. With Hazel - his granddad's ex-girlfriend. And her boyfriend, who seemed to hate Leo with all the inches of his body - and that was a lot of inches.

Leo didn't mind - not very much. He also hated himself with all the inches of his body, even though it wasn't a lot of inches.

During the quest, Annabeth and Percy fell in Tartarus. Leo was sad, obviously, but a little part of him whispered : « At least, Percy won't be mad at me now »

It was a selfish, horrific, very bad thought.

But there was Nico !

Leo really liked Nico - and not in a best-friendish way, this time.

Nico was fun to be around. Leo felt like he didn't need to make jokes, to be fun and happy around him. There was just silence. Leo liked this kind of silence.

Then Jason and Nico started to get closer. Leo took it as a sign : Nico didn't want him to be around.

Leo didn't mind, really. He wouldn't like to be around himself too, if he had the choice.
Sometimes, Leo looked at his hands. The one that summoned fire. The one that built things. The one that he never liked. Because they killed his mom.

And Leo thought. « If they killed mom, would they kill me too ? »

This thought never scared him. He was scared of fire. Of death. Of loss.

But if he killed himself, with the fire he was afraid of ? It didn't scare him.

He started doing things.

Fire in his arms ; his legs. It hurted, but never left any mark, or scar, or anything that could prove what he was doing.

It was calming him.

Annabeth and Percy came back. Nico left with some centurion.

Hazel started to control the Mist. She spent time with her boyfriend, training, or doing couple-ish things, like Piper and Jason, like Annabeth and Percy.

Leo was alone, the seventh wheel.

Even thinking about Calypso couldn't make him feel better.

He wasn't in love with her. She wasn't either - okay, maybe a little bit, but because of her curse.

She was like an older sister to him. She made him feel better.

And then.

The battle. Dirt-women. Battle. Gaea. Battle.
Explosion.

Death.

Leo came back to life. He searched Ogygia.

He found Calypso. They spent time together. Leo felt better. Then she said she wanted to be alone for some time. He left her at some Turkish city where people were doing BBQs in the sea.

He was alone, again. Without Festus - he had sent him back to Camp Half Blood.

He started doing his fire thing again. This time, his skin started to irritate. To be more sensible.

Until one day, he had a burnt mark on the leg.

Fire.

It made him... not happy, happy wasn't the word.

It calmed him. He felt serene, for the first time since Nico started to avoid him.

He came back to camp. Everybody was happy to see him. Piper and Jason cried on his shoulder and promised they would murder him if he did something like that again.

A week later, everyone had forgotten him. He was just a camper between a lot of other campers. Like everyone forgot he gave his life during the war. Forgot he was one of the 7. Forgot everything he did.

Leo thought he should have stayed dead. If there wasn't Calypso, the one he loved like a sister, he would just have thrown the medication this stupid god gave them and stayed in the Underworld. And find his mom.
His mom.

He missed her so much. He didn't have to, he wasn't supposed to.

Two burnt marks on his arms.

Piper and Jason were still doing couple-ish things, or hanging out at Piper's house. Frank and Percy weren't here often, but when they were, they gave mad glances to Leo. Hazel just ignored him, Annabeth was acting like he was a burden.

And Nico was smiling. To Will Solace.

He didn't even look at Leo once since he came back.

Leo didn't mind at all. They all had their own life. He wasn't part of it since he wasn't here for three months.

A burnt mark on his chest.

He remembered what one of his foster mom said once. She was the only one to be sweet with him, but they took Leo from her because she was single, and a single woman can't take care of a child.

She said "Hope stands last, love dies first".

Leo didn't agree.

All his hopes had crashed, died, came back from their ashes, and crashed again.

All the love he had was still here. One sided, not reciprocated, but still here.

Leo wanted to hang out with Piper and Jason like before, and be the Lost Trio with his best friends. He wanted to talk to Hazel and be her friend. He wanted to explain to Percy and Frank that he won't do anything to flirt with Hazel and broke the FraZel cutie couple. He wanted to say to Annabeth he wasn't a mess or a burden and that he could be useful. He wanted to make Nico smile.

He didn't. No one was here for him. How could he do all that if anyone wasn't even here ?

A burnt mark on his neck.

He tried to talk to Nico once. He ignored him and went to see Solace. Leo's heart broke - again.

He tried to send an Iris-message to Calypso. It didn't work. He thought that maybe, she blocked him or something like that, because he wasn't a sibling for her like she was for him. Just a burden - again, like always.

One day, when he couldn't sleep, he tried something.

A burnt mark on his cheek.

It was stupid. He knew fire couldn't kill him, even if it could hurt him now.

He decided to try another thing.

He wrote some letters. In english. He had dyslexia so it took a few hours to write all of it correctly.

The first one said « Hope dies first, love stands last »

The other said « Did you care for me ?

What was I for you ?

Did you love me ?

Was I just a burden for you ?

Why weren't you here for me ?

Why rewnet youo rhee for me ?

Wyh dnidt youo leov me ? »

He took a knife.

And he went out of his Cabin.

Walked. And walked.

He thought « If they really care for me, they'll search me »

And then,

The knife,

The blood,

His heart,

Crashing,

Like his hopes,

And dreams,

And his love,

Stood last,

But fell,

Like he did.