Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Eddie Diaz is gay.

Not bi, or bi-curious. Not queer. Definitely not straight. Gay. It’s a personal revelation that was hard-won by working through years of repression and internalized homophobia. A revelation that ended in a full-on mental breakdown, complete with a panic attack that sent him to the ER and a tearful coming out to his best friend (and then-girlfriend). But he had persevered. He had made it out the other side with a label he felt comfortable with and a better understanding of himself and all the moments in his past that’d made him feel broken or wrong.

Sure, he’s only out to one person in his life (Shannon, the aforementioned best friend and now-ex-girlfriend). And sure, the thought of coming out to anyone in his family, or any of his other friends, or his teammates, or even a random stranger on the street, makes him want to vomit before curling up in a ball to die. But at least he understands this thing about himself. At least he knows the truth after years of trying to force himself to be something he isn’t.

The problem is, because he refuses to out himself to anyone aside from Shannon, he tends to end up in situations exactly like this one.

“I feel like we have a real connection, Edmundo,” Ana’s saying, running her delicate fingers up and down his arm as she steps into his space, batting her eyelashes at him with a flirtatious smile. She’s a nice girl—really, she is—but, unfortunately, her being nice or not isn’t really the issue. Eddie thought they had an understanding about what this was supposed to be, but, apparently, Ana has other ideas.

“You’re, uh... You’re great, Ana. Really,” Eddie says, taking an awkward step back from the girl and finding himself pinned against the porch railing of her family’s large, craftsman-style house. “But this... This is just for the night, remember? To get your parents off your back.”

He can tell by the mischievous sparkle in her brown eyes that his words aren’t having their intended effect: To snap her out of whatever this is, remind her of the agreement they’d come to less than two days ago, sitting across from each other at the campus’ local coffee shop. She crowds into his space again, hands trailing down to his hips this time and resting there. Behind her, from inside the house, the loud chatter of her family leaks out through cracked windows in a muffled jumble of sound.

“And what would get them off my back better than if I actually had a boyfriend?”

Eddie frowns, gently grabbing her wrists and removing her hands from his body, pushing them back toward her as he says, “Listen, Ana, I’m sorry, but I’m just not interested.”

Ana’s smile falls, hurt and confusion warring on her face, and she finally takes a half-step back.

“Why not?” she asks, and Eddie grimaces apologetically.

“I, um... I’m still kind of hung up on my ex.”

Ana frowns. “Shannon?”

“Yeah.”

It’s the excuse he always uses in situations like this. An easy out, one that doesn’t ever raise suspicion because... Well, why would it? Shannon’s great. Smart, beautiful, funny. Who wouldn’t be hung up on her? You know, other than her gay best friend. But nobody needs to know that part.

“Didn’t you guys break up freshman year?”

Eddie nods, and Ana’s frown deepens.

“Don’t you think it’s time to move on, then?”

“The heart wants what it wants,” Eddie says with an awkward shrug.

And what Eddie’s heart wants, more than anything in this moment, is for Ana to take another step back. Which, thankfully, she does, ducking her head so her dark curls hide her face a bit.

“I’m sorry,” she apologizes, voice wavering a bit like she’s about to cry. “I really thought... God, I’m so embarrassed. I completely misread all of that in there.”

All of that, Eddie assumes, meaning the honestly Oscar-worthy performance he’d been putting on for Ana’s family to convince them he was deeply in love with their daughter.

“It’s okay. Really,” he assures her. “You’re not the first person who’s gotten... confused by the whole thing.”

He thinks back to Kim, the girl who had weirdly looked so much like Shannon they could’ve been twins and who had taken to stalking him for two months after he’d accompanied her to her grandfather’s funeral. That whole situation had resulted in a restraining order and had nearly ended Eddie’s little side-hustle completely—that is, until rent had gone up and he’d been fired from his job at Starbucks for complaining one too many times about customers ordering stupidly complex drink concoctions.

“Well,” Ana chuckles as she chances a glance back up at Eddie, who gives her a small smile, “Shannon’s crazy if she doesn’t want to be with someone as amazing as you.”

Eddie shakes his head. “Ah, I’m really not that great. You could do a lot better than me.”

“I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. You’re a really great guy, Eddie.”

“Thanks, Ana.” Then, he offers his hand to her and says, “Let’s head back inside. We don’t want to miss out on your mom’s tres leches cake.”

“Oh, she already loves you. I’m sure she’s saved you a slice,” Ana teases, taking his hand and letting him guide her back into the house. “In fact, you’ll be lucky if you don’t leave here drowning in tupperware full of leftovers.”

Eddie laughs. “Sounds like my abuela. She’ll make enough tamales to feed a small army and then send you home with enough to last you the winter.”

“The winter? Mamá will send you home with enough food to last you until graduation...”

#

It’s almost eleven o’clock by the time the party ends, and Eddie’s dead on his feet as he shuffles into his apartment, tossing his keys into the bowl by the door and stashing the promised stack of tupperware from Ana’s mom in the fridge. They barely fit amongst his roommate’s copious boxes of leftover takeout, but he manages to Tetris them in before making his way to his bedroom. He's just tugged on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt to sleep in when his phone buzzes, a Venmo notification popping up from Ana for twenty-five dollars—the second half of the money she owed him for tonight. She already paid the first half ahead of time, a policy Eddie put in place after being shorted by one too many cheapskates.

A text also comes through from her:

Ana Flores: Thanks for a great night! 5 star service 😉

That makes Eddie laugh, and he sends back:

Eddie: My pleasure 👍

His good mood is quickly swept away, however, by the name that suddenly pops up on his screen, an incoming call making his phone vibrate incessantly in his hand. He answers with a sigh.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Eddie. I tried calling you earlier and you never called me back.”

“Yeah, I was out. Just got home.”

“Out? On a school night?” The disapproval’s clear as ever in his mother’s voice, and he rolls his eyes, thankful she isn’t here to see him do so.

“I was with Shannon. It was for a family thing.”

His mom gives a little hum of displeasure. “You’re still with her, then?”

Eddie grits his teeth, trying his damnedest to keep his irritation out of his voice as he confirms, “Yeah, Mom, I am.”

He isn’t, of course. But his parents don’t know that, and he wants to keep it that way. It’s a lie Shannon has been more than willing to keep up in order to protect Eddie’s secret, both of them well aware that his parents’ response to their only son being “a homosexual” wouldn’t be pretty. Much worse than them thinking he’s still dating the high school girlfriend they’ve always disliked for some reason.

“Well, just don’t let her distract you from your studies. This is your last year. You need to make sure you’re giving it a hundred percent.”

“Yes, Mom.”

“How are your classes going? Any interesting projects or assignments?”

Considering he’s majoring in Business to appease his parents? He figures the answer to that is pretty obvious.

“Uh, no. Nothing interesting. Same old, same old.”

His mom hums again. “Well, keep working hard. Study for your exams. We’ll see you in a few weeks for Christmas.”

“Right. Okay, love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too.”

The call ends, and Eddie breathes a small sigh of relief, heart hammering. Every time he has to talk to one of his parents, his body goes into fight-or-flight mode. He can’t help but worry that this will be the time they figure out his secret. This will be the time he accidentally lets something slip that’ll blow up his whole life.

Eyes heavy with exhaustion, he hooks his phone up to charge and tosses it on his bedside table before collapsing onto his mattress face-first, thinking about the week ahead. He has class every day except Thursday, plus another fake date on Friday with a girl named Kayla—a regular who uses him to hide the fact that she’s a lesbian from her conservative parents. Plus, somewhere in there he has to find time to study for his exams that’re coming up. It’s daunting, but, he reminds himself, it brings him one step closer to two whole weeks of rest and relaxation.

Well. Two weeks of as much rest and relaxation as he can get with his parents and younger sisters around. But it’ll be more than he’s gotten over the past three months, so he’ll take it.

With a sigh, he rolls over onto his back and kicks his way under the covers, staring up at the plain white ceiling once he’s settled. Doing so reminds him of all the times he laid awake at night freshman year, insomnia an ever-present companion, staring at the ceiling of his dorm room as he agonized over why he couldn’t bring himself to love Shannon the way she deserved. Why the thought of a future with any woman filled him with a suffocating amount of dread. Why every time he got a little pent up and needed to give himself some release, he didn’t picture his long-term girlfriend, but instead...

He squeezes his eyes shut, turning onto his side. He might’ve long since accepted this truth about himself, but it’s hard to think about some days. It still feels like a sin. Like something he should reject, that he shouldn’t let himself have. Good old Catholic guilt.

Eventually, despite his spinning, guilt-ridden thoughts, he manages to drift off to sleep, his phone alarm jarring him awake six hours later. It takes everything in him to pry his eyes open and drag himself out of bed, but he does manage it, shuffling around the apartment like a zombie as he gets himself ready for the day. His roommate, Jake, is also up and about, though neither of them say a word to each other as they duck in and out of the bathroom. Eddie honestly isn’t sure if he and Jake have ever exchanged more than a few sentences since Eddie moved in at the beginning of last year, a silent agreement between the two of them that they aren’t friends, just two guys who happen to share the same apartment.

Once he’s showered and dressed, Eddie hikes his backpack up on his shoulder and heads out, making the fifteen-minute hike across campus to the dining hall, where Shannon greets him outside.

“Hey. How’d last night go?”

Eddie shrugs, holding the dining hall door open for her to pass through before following her inside. “It was fine. Ana’s really nice, and her family’s great. She did try to un-fake the dating at one point, but she let it go when I told her I wasn’t interested.”

“No restraining orders this time?” Shannon teases as they get in the cereal line, and Eddie rolls his eyes.

“No, no restraining orders.”

“Good. I think one’s enough for an entire lifetime.”

“No kidding.”

They drift into a bit of an uncomfortable silence as they pay for their food and find an empty table, and Eddie’s stomach churns. He hates this. This tension that’s sprung up between them in the last couple of months, after...

In their defense, they’d been drunk. Like, drunker than Eddie’s ever been in his entire life. So, when they stumbled into his apartment at two in the morning, his alcohol-addled brain hadn’t seen anything wrong with what they did. An “experiment,” to see if Eddie was really, truly gay. They’d been all giggles at the time, stripping each other down and tumbling into Eddie’s tiny, twin-sized bed. And to be fair, it had done its job to prove once and for all that he likes men—and only men. Because it wasn’t until he started picturing a head of short, sandy brown curls, and big muscles, and long legs with sturdy thighs, that he was able to—

Anyway. The morning after had been painfully awkward. They’d both made it clear it had been a mistake and that it hadn’t meant anything, but neither of them have been able to fully put it behind them, either.

They’ve made an admirable attempt at trying, though, and so once they’re settled at their table Shannon begins chattering away about one of her classes, tucking a strand of her long, dark hair behind her ear as she scoops a spoonful of Froot Loops into her mouth. Eddie, meanwhile, simply pokes at his own bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios as he listens and nods along, chuckling or giving an affirmative hum at all the right moments.

Then, he walks in, and every single thought in Eddie’s head flies right out the window.

Bright blue eyes. A smile that lights up the room. Strong hands, currently being put to use hanging a flyer up on the dining hall’s communal corkboard. An ass that—

“You could always go talk to him, you know,” Shannon suggests, her words snapping Eddie out of the stupor he’d gone into, and he tears his eyes away from him to glare at his friend.

“Why would I do that?”

“Um, because you’re obsessed with him?”

“I am not obsessed with him. I hate him.”

“Right. Yeah. Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” She quirks a playful eyebrow at him, and for a moment it feels like before. Back when things were normal between them.

Eddie rolls his eyes. “He’s... First of all, he’s straight. Literally everyone knows that. And he’s... He’s cocky. Arrogant.”

“Mm-hmm,” Shannon hums, bobbing her head exaggeratedly, eyes wide. “He’s definitely straight. Which is why he’s president of the GSA, right?”

“That’s what I’m saying, though,” Eddie argues. “He’s a straight, cis, white dude who took the position away from actual queer people who might’ve wanted it. He’s an egotistical jerk.”

“Don’t club presidents have to be voted in by the other club members?”

This trips Eddie up a bit, and he pauses, mouth open to argue back but nothing coming out.

“Okay, but... but...” he stammers, and Shannon smirks at him.

“But?” she prompts, and when he can’t come up with anything else, she says, “Admit it. There’s nothing actually wrong with Evan Buckley. You just think he’s c—”

“Did I just hear you say there’s nothing wrong with Evan Buckley?” one of Eddie’s baseball teammates, Roger, asks as he drops down into the seat across from Eddie, his plate piled high with waffles and bacon. “I can think of at least twelve things wrong with that queer.”

Two more of their teammates, Jack and Mike, are right behind him, claiming their own seats at the table, and Jack pipes up, “Yeah. Number one: He’s a queer.”

All three boys cackle, and Eddie forces a pained smile onto his face while Shannon scowls at them.

“You’re all just jealous that girls like him way more than any of you,” she snaps, and that wipes the grins right off their faces.

“That ain’t true!” Mike argues, glaring at her. “We get way more girls than him.”

“Yeah, he just gets the older women,” Jack snickers, and Roger nods emphatically.

“Dude’s definitely a cougar magnet.”

Jack sighs wistfully. “No, seriously. Professor Clark and Professor Wells? I’d sell my left fucking leg to bang either one of them.”

“You think Wells was extra freaky? You know, being a Psych professor and all that?” Mike asks with a wicked grin.

“Oh, fuck yeah.”

“And with that,” Shannon huffs, snatching up her half-eaten cereal as she pushes away from the table and stands, disgust plain on her face.

Roger reaches across the table to smack Eddie on the shoulder. “Yo, Diaz, tell your girlfriend to chill. We’re just fucking around.”

Shannon shakes her head. “Yeah, well, it’s not funny. And I have class, so I’ve got to go. Eddie?”

Relieved to have an excuse to get away from the guys, Eddie nods and stands, grabbing his own untouched breakfast as he says, “Sorry guys. See you later.”

“Dude, you’re so fucking whipped,” Roger complains, and Mike makes a whip noise, sending the guys into hysterics.

“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie plays along, his smile so tight it’s starting to hurt. Then, he hurries after Shannon, discarding his bowl alongside hers in one of the tubs left out for used dishes. Their route leads them right past where Evan—or, Buck, as he likes to be called—is flirting with some girl, handing her one of the fliers in his hand as he bats his long lashes at her. Based on the excessive amount of rainbows adorning the paper, Eddie guesses it has something to do with an event the GSA is putting on.

Once they’re out of the dining hall, Eddie all but collapses in on himself, breathing a sigh of relief to be free of his teammates. Shannon immediately reaches out and takes his hand, frowning sympathetically at him.

“You okay?”

“One more semester, and then I never have to talk to any of them again.”

“They’re assholes.”

“I know.”

“I meant what I was saying earlier, though,” she says, swinging their linked hands a bit as they walk. “I think you should talk to Buck. Give him a chance. Even if he is straight, it might be nice to make another friend who isn’t a homophobic prick.”

Eddie frowns. She has a point—it would be nice to have more open, accepting friends—but he isn’t sure he wants one of those to be Buck. He really does think the boy is arrogant, from what he’s seen of him at parties and in class, and he also can’t help but worry what people might think of him if he starts hanging around with the president of the GSA. After all, there’s a reason Eddie’s never joined the club himself, even after his “revelation.”

And, admittedly, maybe that’s part of the reason Eddie doesn’t like Buck, too. Maybe it’s jealousy, that he himself feels the need to hide away, keep his queerness to himself, while Buck so loudly and confidently claims a space that isn’t even his to claim.

“I’m good, Shan. Really,” he assures her, giving her hand a gentle squeeze before letting it drop. “Like I said, I’ve only got one more semester. I don’t need to make new friends.”

“Okay, but you’ve only got one more semester, and then what? You go back to El Paso? Work for your dad? Hide who you are for the rest of your life?”

“I... I have to get to class,” Eddie says, taking a sharp turn to head in the direction of his first class of the day, ignoring the fact that it doesn’t actually start for another hour. “You coming over tonight to study?”

For a moment, it looks like Shannon isn’t going to let him off that easily, that she might push the issue, but in the end, she just sighs and nods.

“Yeah. Seven okay?”

He gives her a thumbs up. “Yup. See you then.”

“See you.”

And with that, they head off in different directions, Eddie meandering to kill some time. Try as he might, he can’t get Shannon’s words out of his head. What will he do after he graduates? It’s something he hasn’t really let himself think about, since every time he does, it sends him spiraling into a panic attack that leaves him feeling exhausted for days after. Because, yes. The plan is for him to go back home to El Paso and work for his dad. And if he does that, he knows he’ll never feel free to be himself. He’ll probably end up marrying the first girl he meets who doesn’t make his skin itch when he thinks about kissing her, have a few kids, and pretend he’s happy while inside he dies a little more each and every day.

But what’s his other option? He doesn’t feel like he has one. Shannon would probably say he should stay in LA. Come out to his parents. Find some guy to settle down with. Figure out what his real passion in life might be.

All of which is easier said than done. Stay in LA with what money? Definitely not his parents’, especially if he comes out to them. Find a guy to settle down with? He can’t even imagine kissing a guy in public without breaking out in a cold sweat. Figure out his real passion? And then what? Spend more money (that he doesn’t have) on more schooling? Work two jobs to support himself while also juggling an unpaid internship on the side?

No. The truth of the matter is, he’s trapped in this life, whether he likes it or not. These are the cards he’s been dealt, and they’re the cards he has to learn to live with.

He accepted a long time ago that he isn’t destined to be happy. The best he can do is try to be content.

Chapter Text

Eddie’s day is relatively uneventful up until his last class, English Comp, a gen ed he put off until senior year frankly because English has always been his worst subject and he’s a chronic procrastinator when it comes to things he doesn’t want to do. Unfortunately, as he had learned the first day of the semester, he isn’t the only student in his year to put off the requirement. He’d had to bite back a groan of despair when none other than Evan Buckley had waltzed in, greeting one of his football teammates with a high five as he dropped into a seat at the front of the room, chattering loudly like everyone else should care what he had to say.

What was worse was that Eddie had then proceeded to silently admire Buck’s large, muscular shoulders and sturdy neck for the next twelve weeks, finding himself distracted more than once by fantasies of getting to touch those muscles and leave bruising marks on that neck.

Today goes mostly the same way, with Eddie only half paying attention to the lecture their professor’s giving, his eyes flicking down every few seconds to where Buck sits, wondering if the man’s curls really are as soft as they look. Wondering what it would feel like to have those full, pink lips wrapped around...

Jesus, Diaz, get it together, he mentally scolds himself, forcing his eyes back up to the professor and keeping them there for the rest of the hour. In fact, he forces himself to keep his gaze focused away from Buck even after they’ve all been dismissed, glaring down at his backpack like it’s personally offended him as he shoves his things into it, reminding himself of all the reasons he actually isn’t interested in Buck. Cocky. Arrogant. Egotistical. STRAIGHT.

Which is why he’s caught completely off guard when a very familiar voice speaks up from beside him, asking, “You’re Eddie Diaz, right?”

Eddie nearly leaps out of his skin, stumbling back a step as he looks up to find Buck hovering a few feet away, wearing one of his blindingly bright smiles. Eddie’s mouth immediately goes dry, and he can feel blush creeping up his neck and into his face as he manages to choke out, “Um... Yeah?”

“I’m Buck. Well, Evan, but everyone calls me Buck.”

As if Eddie doesn’t know that already.

“Okay?” It isn’t eloquent, but at least it’s something.

Buck’s smile drops just a bit, and he begins to shuffle his feet, almost like he’s nervous. “I, uh... I’m friends with Kayla. We’re in the GSA together, and she told me you, uh... That you do this thing where you pretend to, like, date people? She said she’s taking you to her family’s Christmas party on Friday.”

Of all the things Eddie had ever expected Buck to ask him about—and really, the list wasn’t very long to begin with, because why would someone like Buck ever want to talk to Eddie, anyway?—he absolutely hadn’t thought it would be his fake dating services.

“I... Yeah, I do. I do that. Why?”

“Well, um, I was wondering... And I know this sounds really weird, especially since I don’t think I’ve ever really talked to you before, which I’m sorry about, by the way, because I'm sure you’re a really cool guy, and I know I’ve seen you at some parties before, and we’ve been in this class together all semester, but—”

Finally, Eddie manages to pull himself together enough to hold up a hand to stop Buck’s rambling, and the boy immediately snaps his mouth shut, blue eyes wide and a little panicked.

“Buck, what exactly do you want?” he asks, brow furrowed, and Buck’s nervous shuffling increases tenfold, his smile completely gone now.

“Right. Um. I... I was wondering if maybe you’d be willing to, um... to fake date me.”

Eddie’s rendered pretty much speechless, sure he must’ve heard wrong. Because there’s no way Buck is asking what Eddie thinks he’s asking.

“I... Huh?”

Buck sucks in a deep breath through his nose, like he’s steeling himself, and then asks again, “Will you fake date me? Please?”

Okay. Okay. So, Eddie did hear him right. Okay. He can... He can be normal about this. He can.

“You want me to... Why?”

It just doesn’t make sense. Why would someone like Buck want Eddie to fake date him?

“I, um... Okay, it’s kind of a long story, but basically my dad and I got in a fight the other day about gay rights and me being in the GSA and I kind of... I want to show up to our Christmas vacation with a guy to, you know, get back at him? Prove a point? Make him uncomfortable? I don’t know.”

Huh. Interesting. Again, not what Eddie had expected, but at this point at least he’s getting used to being surprised.

Before he can respond, Buck pushes on, “I know it’s a lot to ask. I mean, I know you’re straight, and I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable, but I figured, since you’ve been helping Kayla, that probably meant you were an ally, and so I kind of hoped that meant you wouldn’t be too freaked out by me asking you to do this, but if you are I completely understand—”

“Buck, Buck, wait,” Eddie instructs, holding up a hand to stop the boy’s rambling again. And, again, Buck immediately snaps his mouth shut. It’s kind of hot how quick he is to follow orders—not that Eddie’s going to let himself think too hard about that right now. He has much bigger things to worry about. “Are you...? I mean, I thought you were straight, but...”

“Oh! Oh, yeah, I am. I mean, otherwise I’d just find a guy to actually date, you know? But that’s sort of why I decided to come to you first. I figured, two straight guys pretending to date, there’s no risk of either of us catching feelings, right? No risk of anyone getting hurt.”

A small part of Eddie—a part he hadn’t even known existed—withers and dies at the final confirmation that Buck really is straight. Apparently, he’s been holding onto some hope, despite what he said to Shannon earlier. He quickly shakes it off, though, forcing himself to focus on the situation at hand.

“Okay. Um. Well, I... I don’t think I’m gonna be able to help you out,” he says with an apologetic grimace. Buck visibly deflates at that, shoulders slouching and eyes going all big and sad.

“Oh. Alright. Uh...” The boy thinks for a moment, then asks, “Would it change your mind at all if I told you my family’s pretty rich and that I could pay you a lot of money for this, if you were willing to do it?”

Eddie’s a little ashamed to admit that this does make him pause, but... No. His answer’s still no, for a million different reasons. First and foremost, because if anyone found out about this, they could think it’s real and then Eddie would be outed despite all his efforts not to be found out. He also has no desire to spend his winter break enduring homophobia from Buck’s family, especially since he has no idea to what level these people will take their bigotry. For all he knows, he could be putting himself in danger if he says yes.

So, he shakes his head and says, “Answer’s still no. Sorry. Not because... I mean, I am an... ‘ally.’ I just...”

Buck’s already bobbling his head before Eddie can fully get his thought out.

“No, I... I understand,” the boy assures him. “It was a big ask, and I’m sure you’ve got plans with your own family already. Thanks for hearing me out, though. It was probably a stupid idea, anyway. Who cares what my dad thinks, right?”

Eddie gives him a small smile. “Right.”

“I’ll, uh... I'll see you around?”

“Yeah. See you.”

With that, Buck hurries out of the room, and Eddie’s left standing there with a half-packed backpack, flabbergasted.

What the fuck just happened?

#

“You’re never gonna believe what happened to me today,” Eddie’s already rambling the second he lets Shannon into his apartment, leading the way to his bedroom as he speaks. “So, you know how Buck’s in my English Comp class? Well, he came up to me out of nowhere and asked if I would fake date him. I was like... What? Seriously, Shan, I didn’t even know what to say. Well, I mean, obviously I said no, but I never in a million years would’ve expected him to ask me for something like that. Turns out his dad’s super homophobic or something, and he wanted to prove a point, which, I mean, I get, but I couldn’t help him with that, you know? Though, he did offer me a lot of money to do it, and that was kind of tempting, but I figured...”

He trails off as he sits down on the edge of his bed and catches a good look at Shannon’s face for the first time. She’s hovering in the doorway of his room, eyes bloodshot and puffy like she’s been crying, expression almost stricken. Immediately, he shoots back up to his feet and moves to stand in front of her.

“Hey. Hey, what’s wrong? What’s going on? Is it your mom? The cancer didn’t come back, did it?”

Shannon shakes her head, giving a pathetic little sniffle.

“No,” she says, voice so quiet Eddie has to strain to hear her. “I... I...”

“What? Are you hurt? Did somebody hurt you?”

He’ll kill them. Whoever did this to Shannon, made her look like this, he’ll kill them.

“No,” she repeats, lower lip wobbling like she’s about to start crying again. “Eddie, I... I’m pregnant.”

The world freezes.

Or maybe that’s just Eddie.

He can’t move. Can’t think. His hands and feet feel numb, his head swimming, all the noises around him suddenly muffled and distant. He tries to suck in a breath but can’t, chest tight, and for a moment he really thinks he’s going to pass out.

After a few seconds, he manages to stutter, “Is it... It’s mine?”

Shannon nods, and Eddie... He needs to sit down.

He drops to the floor right where he stands, desperately ducking his head between his legs in an attempt to make the world stop spinning.

Holy shit. Holy shit. This is so fucked. He is so fucked.

“But y... you’re on the pill.”

It sounds pathetic, even to his own ears, a desperate plea for her to say he’s right, that this is all just a misunderstanding or some horrible, cruel prank. She doesn’t, though. Instead, she kneels in front of him and says, “I had that UTI, remember?”

He nods, waiting for her to explain what that has to do with her being... Shit. Fuck.

She sighs. “I was on antibiotics. And antibiotics can interfere with birth control.”

As horrible as it might be, Eddie’s first instinct is to lash out. To blame her for this, ask how she could not know that was a possibility. He bites his tongue against the harsh words, though, instead raking his hands through his hair a few times until he feels the urge pass.

Once he’s calmed down a bit, he finally looks back up at her and asks, “What’re we gonna do?”

She clenches her jaw, eyes welling with even more tears, and then, suddenly, a sob breaks from her throat. Immediately, Eddie has her wrapped up in his arms while she cries, an endless stream of tears staining his shoulder.

“It’s okay,” he reassures her, even as he doubts the words coming out of his mouth. “It’ll be okay. We’ll figure this out.”

He’s an idiot. A goddamn fucking idiot. How had he let this happen? How could he have thought it was a good idea to have sex with Shannon—his best friend—much less without any sort of protection other than her birth control pill? And for such a stupid reason, too. He knew he wasn’t interested in her, or in any girl, like that. But in his drunken state he’d let himself hope that sleeping with her could “fix him.” That he’d realize he could be the man his parents want him to be. The kind of man who can settle down with a nice woman, pop out a few grandchildren for them, and then raise those grandchildren to do the same.

Well, it looks like he’s managing one of those things, at least. His parents are going to have a grandchild soon enough. Unless...

“What do you think you want to do?” he dares to ask, Shannon still clinging to him, face buried in his neck.

She sniffs, then pulls back to look him in the eye, indecision clear on her face.

“I... I don’t know,” she answers honestly. “I know... I know I could... get rid of it. And I... I’ve never judged any girl who chose to do that, but...”

Eddie knows exactly what she’s saying, because it’s how he constantly feels about his own sexuality. It’s okay if other people are gay. It’s only wrong when he’s the one who’s gay. It’s only a sin when he likes boys.

They don’t talk much more after that, somehow ending up in Eddie’s bed, snuggled together as Shannon cries some more, Eddie doing his best to be strong and comfort her. It’s hard, though, with his own racing, panicked thoughts.

A baby. He’s going to be responsible for a baby. A little boy or girl who’ll rely on him for everything. Someone he’ll have to parent, to raise to be a good, well-adjusted person.

He isn’t sure he can do it.

But he doesn’t have a choice. Not if Shannon wants to keep the baby. And he’s already decided he’ll support her no matter what her decision is. So, he’s just going to have to figure out a way to make it work. The baby won’t be coming until after graduation, so he can get a job with his dad, use that money to rent an apartment with Shannon. Baby stuff’s expensive—he knows that much from the way his cousin Alysia complains about it at every family gathering—but he’ll manage because he has to. There’s no other option.

Of course, there’ll also be expenses before the baby comes. Doctor appointments and vitamins and maternity clothes...

“Would it change your mind at all if I told you my family’s pretty rich and that I could pay you a lot of money for this?”

Eventually, Shannon falls asleep, curled up into Eddie’s side, tears drying on her cheeks. Eventually, hours slip away, and the sun creeps above the horizon, shining golden light into Eddie’s room through his window. Eventually, Eddie slips out from under Shannon and sneaks out of the apartment, a text sent through to her phone to let her know where he’s gone and that he’ll be back.

He waits outside the dining hall for about half an hour before a large, familiar figure finally appears, walking alongside one of his football teammates, chattering animatedly. That chatter dies on the boy’s lips, however, when he spots Eddie and realizes Eddie’s waiting for him. He sends his teammate on ahead with what sounds like a murmured promise to catch up, and then he walks over to where Eddie stands with his arms crossed and jaw clenched in determination.

“Hey, Eddie. What’s—?”

“I’ll do it.”

Chapter Text

The first thing Eddie does, once he and Buck part ways with a plan in place to meet up later and discuss how they're going to pull off their fake-dating scheme, is call his parents.

“Eddie, honey, is everything alright?” his mom asks the second she answers, voice laced with worry. Probably because Eddie’s rarely the one to call his parents, since doing so almost always ends in him suffering some kind of panic attack.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” he reassures her, making his way back across campus to his apartment. “I’m just calling because, uh... Something’s come up, and I’m not gonna be able to make it home for Christmas, after all.”

There’s a long pause, and then suddenly his dad’s voice speaks up, “What do you mean, something’s come up?”

Eddie winces. He’d sort of hoped his dad might be out of town for work and that he wouldn’t have to deal with two disappointed parents on this phone call, but of course he could never be that lucky.

“I, um... Shannon. Shannon invited me to spend Christmas with her family here in LA, and I said yes.”

He shoots a mental apology to Shannon for using her as a scapegoat, but he figures she’ll understand. It isn’t like he can tell his parents he’ll be missing out on prime family time because he needs to fake-date a rich male classmate to earn some money for the baby he and his best friend are about to have out of wedlock.

“Eddie,” his mom scolds. “Christmas is for family. Why would you accept an invitation like that?”

“Because she’s my girlfriend, Mom. And I want to spend the holiday with my girlfriend. It’s just one Christmas. I’ll be back in El Paso by next year.”

His mom sniffs disapprovingly. “You say that now, but what if you decide to stay in LA after college so you can be with her?”

“Listen, I promise I’ll come visit you guys for spring break, okay? And I also promise I’m not planning on staying in LA.” He can’t, not if he wants to be able to support Shannon and the baby. He needs the job with his dad, and that means he needs to be in Texas. “This is just... It’s a one-time thing.”

His father lets loose a heavy, long-suffering sigh. “I’m disappointed in you, Edmundo. You should know that family is the most important thing. You should always put family first. That’s what it means to be a man.”

Any other time, his father’s words would be a knife to Eddie’s gut. They would flay him open, and he’d be a shaking, hyperventilating mess. But this time, Eddie knows—even if his parents don’t—that he is putting his family first. His new family. The one he’s building with Shannon and their son or daughter. Everything he does from now on is for them.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, Dad, but I’m not changing my mind. I’ll see you both for spring break, and I’ll make sure to call on Christmas Day. Love you.”

“Eddie, wait, I—”

But Eddie hangs up on his mom’s pleas, unwilling to draw the conversation out any longer. It won’t change anything, only make everything more tense, and he doesn’t have it in him to deal with that right now. Not with so many other things to worry about.

When he makes it back to his apartment, he finds Shannon lying awake in his bed, a pillow hugged to her chest as she stares blankly at the ceiling. He carefully crawls back onto the mattress beside her and, after a moment of shared silence, asks, “You okay?”

She gives a listless shrug. “I guess. Overwhelmed. Feeling pretty stupid.”

Eddie frowns. “Why do you feel stupid?”

“Don’t you?” she asks, rolling her head to the side to look at him. “All of this is because we drunkenly thought it was a good idea to ‘test’ your sexuality.”

“I... Okay, yeah. That was stupid.”

“Yeah.” More silence falls between them, and they sit in it for a few minutes before Shannon eventually adds, “I think... I think I suggested it because I secretly hoped you’d realize...”

She doesn’t finish her thought, and Eddie prompts, “You hoped I’d realize...?”

“That you weren’t gay,” she admits with a sigh. “Or, at least, that you weren’t completely gay. That you could... That you could love me. Because I...”

She doesn’t have to finish her thought, this time, for Eddie to understand what she’s trying to say. The problem is, he doesn’t know how to respond to that. So, instead, he reaches out and takes her hand, lacing his fingers with hers.

“I do love you, you know,” is what he finally settles on. “And we’re in this together, okay? I went to find Buck this morning, and I told him I’d fake date him over Christmas break. We’re meeting up this afternoon to nail down the specifics, but he said he’d pay me a lot of money to do this for him, so you won’t have to worry about being able to afford anything for the baby. And once we graduate, I’ll get a job with my dad, and we’ll... we’ll make it work. You know, as long as you still...?”

He glances at her, and she slowly nods.

“I think I do. This isn’t how I imagined becoming a mom, but... I think I want to be.”

“Okay. Then I’ll do whatever it takes to support you.”

A small smile creeps onto Shannon’s face, and she readjusts herself so she’s resting her head on his shoulder as she says, “You’re a good guy, Eddie Diaz. There’s no one I’d rather do this with.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, turning to press a gentle kiss to the top of her head. “There’s no one I’d rather do this with, either.”

#

Eddie and Shannon both skip all their classes for the day, choosing to lay in bed and make the most of their situation, instead. They discuss baby names, debate which of them the baby will look more like, brainstorm nursery theme ideas... It’s a little bizarre, makes the whole thing feel more real than it had before, but it also works to make Eddie a bit more excited than scared about the whole thing. In fact, even though it's been less than twenty-four hours since he learned the baby exists, he already feels like he loves it more than he’s ever loved anything in his life. He knows, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that he’d die to keep that baby safe and happy. He’d do anything for it.

Including fake dating an obnoxious, arrogant football player for two whole weeks.

Which is why, at a quarter to five, he forces himself out of bed and makes his way to the campus coffee shop he and Buck had agreed to meet at this morning.

Buck’s already seated at a table outside when Eddie arrives, and the boy nervously shoves to his feet the second he spots Eddie, like a teenager anxious about going on a first date with their crush. Which is actually kind of endearing, though Eddie'll never admit to that.

“Hey,” he greets as he approaches, and Buck gives an awkward wave.

“Hey. I, um... I was gonna get you something, but I didn’t know what you like, and we haven’t exchanged numbers yet, so...”

Buck lamely gestures to the mug sitting on the table before him, and Eddie waves him off, taking his seat.

“I’m good. Thanks, though.”

Buck bobbles his head as he sits back down. “Yeah. No problem.”

“So,” Eddie sighs, not in the mood to bother with small talk. He’d much rather cut to the chase so he can get back to Shannon as quickly as possible. “Here’s how this works: We’re both gonna set boundaries for what we’re comfortable doing to ‘sell’ our relationship to your family, and then neither of us is gonna cross those boundaries unless we both agree to for whatever reason. Got it?”

Again, Buck bobbles his head. “Right. Got it.”

“Okay. Then what are you comfortable doing in front of your family?”

“Uh...”

The poor guy looks a bit like a deer in the headlights, his eyes wide and round, so Eddie takes pity and decides to throw him a bone.

“Hand holding? Kissing? Ass-grabbing?”

Buck, who just lifted his coffee mug to his lips to take a nervous sip, chokes.

“I, um... I...” he gasps between hacks, glancing around like he's afraid someone might've overheard their conversation, but they're completely alone on the patio. Eddie wouldn't be having this discussion so freely, otherwise. “All... I’m fine with all of those, if you are.”

“Yeah?”

Buck nods, finally pulling himself together enough to say, “I’m a pretty open guy. You’d have to do a lot to make me uncomfortable.”

“Even if it’s a guy doing it?” Eddie asks, cocking a skeptical eyebrow.

“Even then.” Buck gives him a little smirk that makes Eddie’s stomach do some impressive acrobatics. Then, he asks, “Are you okay with doing all that with a guy, though? I don’t want you to feel like you have to because I’m paying you.”

And, well. The real answer to that is complicated, isn’t it? Because in theory, Eddie would love nothing more than to do those things with a guy. But in reality? He’s terrified of even the thought of it. There’s no way they’re going to convince anyone that they’re dating if they don’t do at least some of those things, though, so Eddie’s just going to have to suck it up.

This is for his unborn child, he reminds himself. If he can be brave for anyone, it’s them.

“Trust me, if I was uncomfortable with anything, I’d say so,” he finally says, forcing nonchalance and confidence he definitely doesn’t feel into his voice. “I do this all the time.”

For some reason, Buck’s smirk falls off his face, and he stutters, “With... With guys?”

Eddie hesitates, then shakes his head. “No. But still. It’s all the same. And it’s fake.”

That’s what he has to remember, too. This is fake. Nothing he and Buck do will actually mean anything, and that means he won’t really be outing himself by doing this. He’ll be... fake outing himself.

“Right. Yeah.”

“So, kissing,” Eddie pushes on, desperate to get through this conversation. “Do you want to keep it to pecks, or do you want to, like, fully make out in front of your family?”

“Uh... Like I said, I’m fine with anything. Maybe we could just... see what feels right in the moment?”

Eddie nods. “Sure. Okay. And is there anything that’s completely off the table for you? Even just little stuff, like pet names you hate or anything that might trigger you?”

Buck furrows his brow, looking like he’s really thinking it through, and then he asks, “No, uh... No sex, right?”

Now it’s Eddie’s turn to choke, though he does so on his own spit, blush rushing up his neck and into his face.

“I... What? No! I... We’re talking about things we’d do in front of your family.”

At least Eddie isn’t the only one turning tomato red. Buck’s cheeks are also flaming, the pink birthmark bracketing his left eyebrow deepening in color.

“Right. Sorry,” the boy quickly apologizes, nervously fidgeting with his coffee mug. “I don’t know why I... I just... There was this thing, with this... Anyway, I hadn’t thought sex was gonna be involved there, either, and then it was, and... I guess I just wanted to make sure...”

“Okay, well, no. No sex. Nothing even sex-adjacent. Just PDA stuff.”

“Cool. Great. Awesome.”

They both fall silent for a moment after that, collecting their thoughts. Once he's finally composed himself again, Eddie says, “We should come up with a story about how we met and started dating. And we should get to know a little bit about each other. Just enough to sell that we’ve, you know, had more than one conversation.”

“Right. That makes sense. Um...” Buck worries his full lower lip between his teeth. “How about... We met in class—sat next to each other on the first day—and hit it off? We became friends and then realized we liked each other as more than friends and started dating?”

Eddie nods. “That’s fine with me. Who asked who out?”

Buck gives him a wicked grin. “Oh, I definitely would’ve asked you out.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asks. “If we were friends first, you would’ve been brave enough to broach the topic of maybe making it more than that?”

This seems to give Buck pause, his grin melting into a troubled frown.

“Huh. Yeah, good point.” His eyes sweep up and down Eddie’s body, making Eddie feel weirdly exposed suddenly, and then he admits, “I don’t think I would’ve wanted to risk losing you as a friend.”

“Okay, then I asked you.”

Buck’s frown deepens. “You wouldn’t have been worried about ruining our friendship?”

“First of all, this is hypothetical, so don’t look so hurt,” Eddie reminds the boy, amused. “Second, I would’ve been worried, but my friend Shannon would’ve encouraged me to go for it, and I would’ve done it because she told me to.”

That is, assuming this fictional alternate universe was a world where Eddie felt free to date a boy in the first place. A world where he didn't have to fear upsetting—or worse, losing—his family because of it.

“How would you have done it, then? Proclaimed your love for me?” Buck asks, waggling his eyebrows, a mischievous smile back on his face.

Eddie considers this. “I think I would’ve just told you how I felt.”

“That’s not very romantic.”

“I’m not really a romantic guy,” he admits with a shrug. “I’m... straightforward.”

Buck quirks an eyebrow. “No grand gestures, then?”

Eddie scoffs. “Definitely not. Why? Are you a grand gesture guy?”

“Oh, definitely. I’m all about the grand gestures. Big bouquets of flowers. Hot air balloon rides. The works.” Buck looks a little too proud of himself for this, and Eddie rolls his eyes.

“None of that stuff means anything, though. It’s all just... stuff.”

“Yeah, but girls eat it up, dude,” Buck counters. “And it makes me feel good to make them feel good, you know?”

No, Eddie actually doesn’t know, but now isn’t the time to get into that. So, instead of debating the uselessness of grand gestures, he says, “Okay, whatever. I still wouldn’t have done anything big.”

“Even if you knew I liked grand gestures?”

Eddie sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut. “Fine, Buck. What romantic thing should I have done? What would be acceptable to you?”

“It’s not special if I come up with it, Eddie.”

Eddie’s eyes fly open, an argument on the tip of his tongue, but he stops short when he notices the amused glint in Buck’s eye.

“You’re fucking with me,” he concludes, and Buck shrugs.

“Turns out it’s really easy to do.”

If Eddie didn’t have a baby on the way, he’d consider murdering the boy on the spot, prison time be damned. At least this serves as an excellent reminder as to why he doesn’t like this guy. Cocky.

“I really don’t have time for this, Buck. I’ve got to be somewhere soon. Can we please just focus and get this done?”

Buck, at least, has the grace to look a bit sheepish as he says, “Right. Sorry. Okay, so you asked me out in a very straightforward way, and I said yes because even though I like grand gestures, what mattered more to me was being with you.”

“Great. Now that that’s settled, tell me some things about you that I should know. Stuff about your family, your childhood, whatever.”

For some reason, Buck suddenly looks anxious, curling in on himself a bit as he fidgets some more with his coffee mug.

“Uh, not much to tell,” he says, not meeting Eddie’s eye. “There’re my parents, Margaret and Phillip, and my older sister, Maddie. We lived in Hershey, Pennsylvania for most of my life, and... that’s it.”

Eddie frowns. “That’s it? Really? No fun family memories? Holiday traditions?”

“Um... We go to this ski resort every year for Christmas.”

This effectively derails Eddie’s train of thought, all the color draining from his face.

“What? Skiing? You never mentioned skiing.”

“Well, yeah?” Buck says, finally looking up at Eddie, brow furrowed. “Is there something wrong with skiing?”

“I don’t know how to ski.”

Buck frowns, like the possibility of this had never occurred to him. “Oh. Well, that’s fine. I’ll teach you.”

“You really want to spend your winter break teaching some random guy how to ski?”

“You’re not ‘some random guy,’ though,” Buck counters, a playful smile tugging at his lips. “You’re my boyfriend.”

“Fake boyfriend,” Eddie makes sure to reiterate, though he knows he doesn’t need to. This isn’t like with Ana, where wires could get crossed. Buck’s straight, which means there’s no chance for him to get confused about their agreement.

Maybe he also says it for his own benefit, to give himself another reminder.

“Right. Fake boyfriend,” Buck confirms easily. Then, he cocks his head to the side, looking remarkably like an inquisitive puppy, and asks, “What about you? Anything I should know?”

Eddie hums in thought. “Well... My dad, Ramon, is Mexican, and my mom, Helena, is white. I have two younger sisters, Sophia and Adriana. We’re all from El Paso, Texas. My sisters and I were raised Catholic, but I’m not really... I’ve been straying away from that for a while now. Don’t tell my abuela, though, or she’ll probably have a heart attack.”

Buck chuckles at his joke, and a pleased flush heats his cheeks as he continues, “My dad wasn’t really around a lot when I was a kid. He had to travel for work, so he sort of left me to be the man of the house while he was gone. I spent a lot of time looking after my sisters. Played some sports—baseball was the one that stuck. Met Shannon in the eighth grade, and we’ve been inseparable ever since. And... yeah. Those are the basics, at least.”

As he listens to Eddie’s life story, there’s something in Buck’s eyes, almost a sort of wistful sadness, that Eddie doesn’t really understand. After all, Eddie’s life... It’s fine. He’s loved, looked after. But it isn’t exactly a fairytale. Not worthy of Buck envying him over it.

Even still, Buck says, “That all sounds really nice.”

Eddie gives a half-hearted shrug. “I guess.”

A moment of silence stretches out between them, neither quite knowing where to go from here, and then Eddie finally awkwardly clears his throat and says, “So, the other thing we need to discuss is payment.”

Buck blinks, like he’s startled by the change in topic, but nods eagerly.

“Right, yeah. I was thinking ten thousand dollars for the whole two weeks? Is that enough? I can pay more, I just wasn’t sure how much you usually charge for this sort of thing.”

“T...Ten thousand dollars?” Eddie gasps, mouth going dry and blood pounding in his ears.

“Like I said, I can afford more if that’s not enough,” Buck jabbers on, oblivious to Eddie’s impending stroke. “I mean, probably not more than fifteen if I don’t want my parents to notice the money going missing from my account, but—”

“Ten is... No, that’s good. That’s, uh...” Eddie hesitates, torn between taking what Buck’s willing to give him—ten thousand dollars would help so much with the baby—and doing the ethical thing by telling the boy he was only going to ask for less than half that amount. In the end, his conscience wins out, and he says, “I actually charge ten dollars an hour, so for two weeks you’d only owe me about three thousand.”

For some reason, this seems to bother Buck, who frowns.

“That doesn’t seem like nearly enough.”

Eddie shrugs. “That’s always been my price.”

Buck considers this for a long moment, then declares, “I’m gonna give you the ten thousand, anyway. You’re doing me a big favor, and this is probably gonna be a bit more intense than anything you’ve done before. I mean, usually you’re only fake dating someone for a few hours, right?”

“Right.”

“So, you deserve a little more. Plus, it’s really my parents’ money, and giving you ten thousand of it feels like an extra little ‘fuck you’ to them for being homophobic jerks.”

“I... Okay. If you’re sure...” Eddie reluctantly agrees, already imagining all the things he can do with ten thousand dollars. His kid’s about to have the best of the best. Top-of-the-line cribs and car seats and strollers. More toys than they’ll know what to do with. And the cutest baby clothes.

“I’m definitely sure. How do I pay you? I can send it to you now,” Buck says, pulling his phone from his back pocket, and Eddie gapes at him, confounded.

“You want to pay me before I even do the job?”

This makes Buck pause. “Oh. I didn’t think about that.”

“I usually ask for half upfront, and then for the other half after the job’s done,” Eddie explains. “I used to just let people pay at the end, but then a few people shorted me, so I had to make that my policy.”

Buck nods. “Seems fair. So, five thousand now, five thousand after it’s all done?”

“Yeah. Here.” Eddie pulls his own phone out and navigates to Venmo, showing Buck his QR code to scan. A few minutes later, Eddie gets a notification that he now has five thousand dollars in his account. They also quickly exchange numbers, with Buck promising to send Eddie all the information he’ll need about winter break.

“Alright, well, I should get going,” Eddie sighs, pushing to his feet. Buck follows his lead, looking suddenly shy.

“Thanks for this, Eddie. Really,” the boy says earnestly. “I mean, I know I’m paying you to do it, but still, I really appreciate it.”

Eddie shrugs. “No problem. I mean, there’s definitely worse things I could be doing than getting paid to go on a vacation, so.”

That makes Buck chuckle. “Yeah, I guess. Well, I’ll make sure to send over all the flight plans and stuff, and... I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

“Yep. See you in class.”

With that, Eddie gives the boy an awkward wave, and then he heads back to his apartment, a slight skip in his step. He can’t wait to tell Shannon about the money, to show off the five thousand dollars he’s already made for them. For the first time in his life, he doesn’t feel like he’s failing. In fact, he feels the best he ever has about himself. Sure, he’s still scared shitless about the idea of becoming a father so young, but at least he knows now that he’ll be able to provide for his family.

Ten thousand dollars, and all it’s costing him is two weeks of his life.

Two weeks, and then he’ll never have to talk to Evan Buckley again.

Chapter Text

Eddie and Buck don’t talk much the next two weeks aside from brief texts finalizing plans for break, most of Eddie’s time taken up by class, studying, and trying to figure out how prenatal care works with Shannon. It turns out doctors don’t want to see you until two months after your last period, anyway, so they thankfully aren’t very far behind in that regard. They manage to get Shannon in for an appointment the Thursday before winter break starts—the out-of-pocket expense paid for by Buck’s down-payment—and schedule their second appointment for two weeks after they get back to school.

The doctor gives Eddie and Shannon an overwhelming amount of information about healthy diets and vitamins and exercise, as well as a pamphlet with a timeline about how a pregnancy progresses, and by the time they’ve left the office, Eddie’s equal parts comforted and anxious. Shannon, at least, seems reassured by the doctor’s observations that the pregnancy is progressing nicely, and they’re given a few screenshots from the ultrasound to take with them, one of which Eddie tucks away in his wallet.

The next day, Eddie has one exam at seven in the morning, which he manages to finish in under an hour, and then he’s rushing home to throw the last of his things in his suitcase before heading outside, where Buck’s waiting in a blue Jeep to pick him up.

“Hey,” the boy says with a smile as Eddie climbs into the passenger seat and buckles himself in. “You ready for this?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Eddie huffs. Nerves are making his stomach churn, the thought of the next two weeks filling him with dread, but he does his best to tamp his anxiety down by remembering what this is all for. He pictures the ultrasound image in his wallet—the little bean-shaped smudge that is his son or daughter—and it all suddenly feels worth it.

The drive to LAX isn't too bad, other than the fact that it takes three times as long as it should thanks to LA traffic. The boys make some awkward small talk on the way, and despite the delay, they arrive at the airport with plenty of time to spare to make it to their gate and board the plane. The flight's smooth, too, and the layover in Detroit doesn't give them any problems, so although it's an eight-hour endeavor altogether, it really isn't too bad of a trip.

In fact, Buck actually has a little skip in his step as they collect their luggage from the carousel and head for the airport’s exit, and his smile is blinding as he says, “Maddie should be the one picking us up. You’ll like her. She’s the best.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asks, reluctantly endeared by Buck’s enthusiasm to see his sister. He hadn’t really gotten the sense that they were close, based on what little the boy had told him about his family that day at the coffee shop.

“Yeah. I mean, she practically raised me. Until she left for college, anyway.”

This surprises Eddie. “Really? Did your parents travel for work or something?”

“Um, no. My parents are both in education. They just... couldn’t be bothered to parent me.” Buck’s gaze is locked on the glass doors ahead of them as he speaks, like he doesn’t want to meet Eddie’s eye.

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Eddie says, frowning. “I mean, I kind of raised my sisters, too, but it wasn’t because my parents couldn’t be bothered. They were just... busy.”

Buck gives a little snort. “Yeah, well, maybe that’s true for you, but for me? Trust me, it wasn’t because they were too busy.”

Eddie really finds that hard to believe, but he doesn’t argue. He’ll see soon enough, once he meets Mr. and Mrs. Buckley, exactly what the situation is. Until then, he lets the subject drop and watches as Buck’s face once again lights up as they pass through the airport doors into the chill of a Pennsylvania winter's night and find a pretty young woman with long brown hair waving at them from a white SUV. Buck immediately takes off at a jog, abandoning his suitcase at the curb and rounding to the driver’s side, where he practically pulls his sister out of the car and into his arms.

“Evan! Put me down!” she squeals, even as she squeezes him back, arms wrapped firmly around his neck. Eddie watches on in amusement as he slowly approaches the SUV, a sudden jolt of homesickness hitting him as he thinks about his own sisters. They’ve been pestering him nonstop in their sibling group chat about his decision not to come home for Christmas, and now he wishes more than ever that he was with them.

When Buck finally releases Maddie, setting her gently on her feet, she turns to look at Eddie with a slightly bewildered smile and subtle cock of her eyebrow.

“And who’s this?”

Buck’s face immediately goes bright red, and he stutters, “Oh, uh, this is... this is Eddie. My... My...”

“Boyfriend,” Eddie supplies, taking pity on the boy, even as the word makes his own stomach flip and churn with a confusing mix of emotions.

Now both of Maddie’s eyebrows shoot up, and she casts a startled glance at Buck before expertly schooling her expression and extending a hand to Eddie as she says, “Very nice to meet you, Eddie.”

Eddie takes the offered hand and gives it an awkward shake. “Nice to meet you.”

Before they can make any further introductions, a security guard shouts at them to get moving, so they quickly stash their bags in Maddie’s trunk and climb into the car, Maddie forcing Buck into the backseat and giving Eddie shotgun. When Buck tries to complain about his long legs being cramped in the back, she simply lectures him on being a gentleman and making sacrifices for his significant other. As she does so, she throws Eddie a wink that makes him snort.

“So,” she says once they’re on the road, glancing sideways at Eddie and then into the rearview mirror at Buck. “How long have you two been together?”

She doesn’t seem bothered or disturbed by their relationship, just curious, which eases Eddie’s nerves a fraction.

“A few weeks,” he says before Buck can reply, “but we’ve been friends since the beginning of the semester.”

“Really? Huh.” Maddie’s nodding slowly, wearing a funny expression as she stares Buck down in the mirror. Eddie desperately wishes she’d put her eyes back on the road, considering it's pitch black out, large flakes of snow are falling from the sky, and they're currently going seventy miles per hour down a busy highway.

“Maddie...” Buck warns, voice low, and Eddie’s heart sinks. Maybe Buck’s sister isn’t as okay with the whole gay thing as he’d thought.

His concerns are quickly dashed away, however, when Maddie then flashes a brilliant smile at Eddie and says, “I’m glad you guys were finally able to meet properly. Buck’s had nothing but great things to say about you since his freshman year.”

Eddie’s eyes go wide as saucers, and he spins in his seat to gape at Buck, who’s staring determinedly out his window.

“What?” Eddie sputters, trying—and failing—to puzzle out how this could be true. They’d never even said two words to each other before the day Buck approached him in English Comp.

Maddie’s smirking, and it reminds Eddie so much of Buck’s smirk that it’s almost disorienting.

“Yeah. Every time he’d call me, or when he’d come home for break, it was always, ‘Eddie Diaz was at this party and he won twelve rounds of beer pong,’ or ‘My friends and I went to the baseball game today and Eddie Diaz was on fire’—”

“Maddie,” Buck snaps, but Maddie keeps going.

“And I kept teasing him about his little boy crush, but I didn’t realize he had an actual—”

“Where’s Doug?” Buck blurts, clearly in an act of desperation, and for some reason that really works to bring down the mood of the entire car. Maddie’s playful smile is gone in the blink of an eye, and her hands tighten on the wheel.

A few tense seconds pass before she finally says, “He had to work. He’s gonna meet us at Mom and Dad’s house for dinner.”

Eddie glances back at Buck just in time to see the boy grimace.

“You sure he doesn’t have to work through dinner, too?” Buck asks, and Maddie casts him a disapproving frown.

“He’s excited to see you. Be nice.”

Buck scoffs. “Oh, yeah. I’m sure he’s dying to catch up with me.”

“Maybe he would be if you gave him a chance. You’re always so short with him, it makes it hard—”

“I’m short with him because he’s a jerk, Maddie.”

“He is not—”

“And he always gangs up against me with Mom and Dad.”

“That’s not—”

“I don’t get how you haven’t divorced him yet.”

“Because I love him!” Maddie snaps, and the harshness of her words takes Eddie aback a little. She quickly regains her composure, however, and, in a measured voice, says, “Let’s talk about something else. Please.”

There’s a heavy pause, where everybody seems to be waiting for someone to say something to lighten the mood, and finally Eddie takes it upon himself to be that person.

In a conspiratorial whisper, he says to Maddie, “Younger siblings, right? They always know how to get under your skin.”

This pulls a reluctant smile out of the woman. “You’re the oldest?”

“Yeah. I’ve got two younger sisters. They’re always teaming up against me. You’re lucky you only have one little brother to worry about.”

For some reason, that seems to be the wrong thing to say, because the mood suddenly drops even lower, and neither Maddie nor Buck will meet Eddie’s eye now. He runs back through what he just said, searching for where he might’ve gone astray, but he can’t figure it out.

Maddie seems to force a smile onto her face, and then, quietly, she says, “Yeah. I’m lucky I have Evan.”

She reaches a hand into the backseat, pinkie extended, and Buck hesitates only a second before linking it with his own. They hold there for a moment, then release, and suddenly everything’s lighter again. Maddie moves on to asking them about their classes, inquiring about Eddie’s major, filling them in on her work as a nurse, and sharing as many embarrassing childhood stories with Eddie as she can in the half-hour it takes to drive from the airport to the Buckley parents’ home.

When they finally pull into the driveway of the cape cod-style house, Eddie’s overwhelmed by the sheer size of the place. It isn’t a mansion, by any means, but it’s far bigger than any house he’s ever set foot in before. Definitely the kind of house belonging to people who can take ski trips every winter and whose son can afford to pay ten thousand dollars just to trick his family for a couple weeks.

Eddie sort of expects Buck and Maddie’s parents to be waiting for them on the porch, like his own mom does whenever his dad picks him up from the airport, but they’re nowhere to be seen until all of Buck and Eddie’s things have been hauled through the front door and Maddie calls out, “We’re here!”

A tiny woman with short blonde hair is the first to appear in the entryway, a tight smile on her face as she takes in her kids. Then, her eyes flick over to Eddie, and that smile drops into a puzzled frown. Seconds later, a man with graying brown hair and a handsome face comes up behind his wife and rests a hand on her slender shoulder, also giving his kids a tense smile before frowning at Eddie.

“Who’s this?” he asks, and fuck, this is it. It hadn’t been so hard to fake his and Buck’s relationship with Maddie. She was willing enough to believe the lie, and she didn’t seem to have any problem at all with the idea of her brother suddenly being in a queer relationship. Buck’s parents, though? Eddie can already tell this is going to be a problem.

Maddie can clearly tell, too, because she quickly jumps in to take the lead when Buck’s face pales and he glances at her for support. Which, huh. Buck had seemed so eager to piss off his parents—his dad, especially—when he’d first come to Eddie. So, it hadn’t occurred to Eddie that Buck could be anything other than enthusiastic about “outing” himself.

“Mom, Dad, this is Evan’s friend, Eddie,” Maddie says, giving Buck an encouraging smile, silently urging him to say what she left unsaid.

The boy finally manages to open his mouth and choke out the words, “Boyfriend. He’s my boyfriend.”

Eddie watches as something like displeasure—maybe even disgust—flashes across the Buckley parents’ faces. Their eyes find Eddie again and give him a disparaging onceover, and Eddie finds himself shrinking under their gaze. All he can seem to picture is his own parents looking at him like that if he were the one bringing a boy home for the holidays, and that thought sends his heart thundering in an unsteady rhythm and causes the air to seize up in his lungs.

“When you asked to bring someone with you to the resort, we thought you meant...” Buck’s mom—Margaret—begins, trailing off as she casts an uncertain look over her shoulder at her husband, who nods.

“Yes,” Phillip agrees, flicking his eyes to Buck and giving the boy a disapproving frown. “A little warning would’ve been nice.”

Buck frowns right back, seeming to grow a little bolder as he says, “I did give you warning. I said I was bringing someone. It’s not my fault you made assumptions.”

“Well, why wouldn’t we make assumptions?” Margaret demands. “You’ve never... never shown interest in... in...”

“Men?” Buck supplies, crossing his arms. “How would you know? You’ve never paid attention to any of the people I’ve dated.”

Phillip scoffs. “I think we would’ve known if you were a queer, Evan.”

“DAD!” Maddie gasps, clearly appalled by her father’s behavior. Meanwhile, Eddie’s chest constricts, the world around him blurring slightly, a strange ringing beginning in his ears.

“What?” Phillip demands, glaring at his daughter now. “Come on, Maddie, you know Evan’s only doing this to... to get attention... to spite us...”

“Right, because everything’s about you, Dad,” Buck snaps, which, if Eddie weren’t currently struggling to stay upright, he would’ve found ironic since this whole thing technically is to spite Phillip.

Margaret lets out a pathetic little sniffle, eyes glistening with unshed tears as she says, “Evan, why do you always have to make things so difficult? Couldn’t we just have had a nice family vacation—?”

“I should be able to bring my boyfriend on our vacation if I want to! Maddie brings Doug!”

“Yes, well, Doug is her husband—”

“You were fine with me bringing someone until you found out he’s a he. And...”

But Buck’s argument trails off when he finally looks over at Eddie and, presumably, sees something concerning there. Maybe it’s the way Eddie’s gasping for air like a fish out of water, or the way he’s only managing to stay on his feet by leaning against the wall, or the sickly pallor his skin has likely taken on as all the blood has slowly drained from his face.

“Eddie? Are you okay?”

Eddie forces himself to nod, but it clearly isn’t very believable because Buck’s by his side in seconds, forcing him to the floor and instructing him to sit with his head between his knees.

“Deep breaths, Eddie, that’s it. Breathe with me. In and out. Good.”

“Maybe we should all take some time to cool off,” Maddie suggests, her voice a little muffled, like she’s underwater. Eddie assumes that’s because of the blood currently rushing in his ears. “There’s no reason to keep fighting about this. Evan brought Eddie. They’re dating. Nothing’s gonna change that. So, let’s just have a nice family vacation, like Mom said.”

Margaret and Phillip say something, but it’s too low for Eddie to hear it, and then Maddie’s instructing Buck, “Take him up to your room. You can grab your bags later.”

Eddie then finds his arm being slung around a set of broad, muscular shoulders, and he’s hauled to his feet. His legs are still a little weak and shaky, but he at least feels a bit more in control of his body, and so he allows himself to be guided up a set of wooden stairs and into a large bedroom. It’s your average teenage boy’s living space, decorated with sports posters and trophies, a closet half-full of clothes hanging open and the queen-sized bed only haphazardly made, its dark blue comforter a bit cockeyed and the two pillows at the head absently thrown into their places.

Buck has Eddie sit on the edge of the mattress and then crouches in front of him, concern clear on his face.

“How’re you feeling?” he asks, and Eddie sucks in a breath before giving a half-hearted shrug.

“Fine.”

This earns him a skeptical look. “Fine? Eddie, I think you just had a panic attack.”

“Yeah, I... That happens. Sometimes. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Buck insists, shaking his head. “I’m the one who should apologize. I should’ve warned you about my parents, how they can get. Though, I honestly didn’t think they’d react like that. I figured they’d do the whole quiet disapproval thing, you know? Give me the cold shoulder or make some passive-aggressive comments. I never thought they’d be so... open about it all.”

Eddie simply nods in response, unsure if he can manage any more words at the moment. His body’s slowly returning to homeostasis, but he still isn’t at a hundred percent just yet.

Buck’s studying Eddie’s face now, brows drawn together in curiosity. “What, uh... What made you freak out like that? Was it the arguing, or...?”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, happily taking the out rather than admitting the truth: That Buck’s parents’ homophobia sent him into a spiral about his own parents’ prejudices.

“Do you and your parents not get along, either?”

Eddie shrugs. “We get along fine, as long as I don’t rock the boat.”

Buck snorts. “Yeah. Same. Unfortunately, I don’t know how not to rock the boat.”

“Clearly.”

They both fall silent for a moment, Eddie slowly regaining his composure the longer he’s away from the Buckleys and their cruel words, and then, with a slight waver in his voice, Buck says, “You, uh... If this is all too... intense for you... you don’t have to stay. Like, I get it if you want to leave. No hard feelings. I’ll pay for your flight back to LA, and you can even keep the money I already paid you, since I guess I didn’t really disclose what the situation would be like—”

“No, Buck, I... I’ll stay. I’m gonna stay,” Eddie cuts in, though he desperately wishes he could say the opposite. All he wants to do right now is hop on another plane and get the hell away from this place and these people. He can’t, though. Because this isn’t for him. It’s for his baby. The little bean-shaped thing whose photograph is still hidden away in his wallet, tucked into his back pocket. He can’t afford to miss out on those extra five thousand dollars. He’d walk through fire to get that money, at this point.

“Really? Even after all that?” Buck seems stunned by Eddie’s answer, like he really had thought Eddie was about to cut and run. Which, again, Eddie would’ve done under any other circumstances, so Buck isn’t necessarily wrong in thinking so. But, as it is...

“We made a deal, and I don’t go back on my deals,” Eddie says, determined. “You wanted a fake boyfriend for the holiday, and that’s what you’re gonna get. And, frankly, your parents can kiss my ass. I don’t care what they think of me.”

And that’s true. The panic attack hadn’t been about what the Buckleys thought of him. It was about how he was sure his own parents would have a similar reaction. And those are the people whose opinions Eddie really cares about.

The smile Buck gives him is blinding—almost intoxicating, the way he looks up at Eddie through his long lashes as he does so, eyes sparkling. Jesus, this guy is too good-looking for his own good.

“Great,” Buck says, placing a large hand on Eddie’s knee and squeezing. “Because I wasn’t ready for our fake relationship to be over just yet.”

The contact has Eddie’s heart thundering all over again, though in a much more pleasant way this time, and he fights to put on a casual smile in return as he says, “Yeah. Me either.”

He then glances around the room again before being struck with a realization.

“Um... There’s only one bed.”

This statement seems to puzzle Buck, who nods slowly, looking at Eddie like he’s worried he’s on the edge of another nervous breakdown.

“Yeah. Most bedrooms only have one bed. I mean, unless siblings share a room, I guess, or—”

“No, Buck,” Eddie cuts him off. “I mean there’s one bed and two of us.”

Eddie watches on with some amusement as understanding slowly dawns on Buck’s face.

“Oh. Shit. I didn’t think about that. Um...” The boy’s eyes flick around the room nervously, like he thinks a second bed might appear in some random corner for them to use. When one doesn’t, he says, “Well, I... I can just take the floor. I really don’t mind. You’re already doing me a huge favor, so you deserve to take the bed.”

“I mean, I don’t mind sharing if you don’t,” Eddie says with a shrug, hoping he’s coming off a lot more casual about it than he feels. Because sharing a bed with a boy? With Buck? Even just the idea of it makes him sweat. But he doesn’t want to kick Buck out of his own bed, and really, it doesn’t have to be a big deal, right? His sisters always used to platonically share the bed with their friends when they had sleepovers. Why does it have to be any different just because it’s two boys?

Uncertainty flashes in Buck’s eyes, and he stutters, “I, uh... You... Are you sure? I... I mean, I don’t...”

“What, are you afraid to share a bed with a guy? Scared it’ll turn you gay or something?”

Eddie mostly means this as a joke, but Buck’s eyes widen so much that Eddie’s sort of worried they’re about to pop out of his head.

“What? No! Of course not! That’s—I’d never...!” Then, Buck sets his jaw and rolls his shoulders back as he determinedly says, “Yeah. We can share. That’s completely fine with me.”

“You sure?” Eddie asks, fighting back a laugh at the serious expression on the boy’s face. “We don’t have to—”

But Buck’s already shoving to his feet, using the hand that’s still resting on Eddie’s knee to leverage himself up, and he shakes his head as he goes.

“Nope. No, I’m fine with it. We’ll share. I’ll just, uh... just run downstairs and grab our bags.”

Eddie starts to stand, too. “I’ll help you—”

But Buck quickly grabs him by the shoulder and shoves him back down onto the bed, shaking his head even harder.

“You should stay here. In case my parents try to pick another fight, you know? Just... I’ll be right back.”

With that, he ducks out of the room, leaving Eddie to enjoy the first moment of alone time he’s gotten all day. Heaving a heavy sigh, he flops back onto the bed, arms splayed out and legs still dangling over the edge. To his amusement, he finds himself staring up at a smattering of glow-in-the-dark stars. They’re completely out of place in the context of the rest of the room, which is relatively grown-up, and he wonders if Buck left them there because he likes them, or because he couldn’t get them off without ruining the paint underneath.

He startles when his phone suddenly buzzes in his back pocket, and he pulls it out to find a message waiting for him from Shannon:

BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): You were supposed to let me know when you got there. You alive or what?

Eddie rolls his eyes and types out a quick response.

Eddie: I survived. But it’s gonna be a long two weeks.

Shannon’s response is immediate.

BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): Why? Family suck?

Understatement of the century. He doesn’t want to worry her, though—she already has enough to worry about—so instead he says:

Eddie: Well, his sister’s nice, at least.

As he hits send, Buck reappears, hauling both their suitcases in each hand, his large biceps bulging with the effort. Eddie allows himself only a moment to appreciate the view, and then he forces himself to look literally anywhere else while Buck sets the bags beside the door.

“Maddie says dinner’s almost ready, so we should head down,” Buck sighs, looking like he’d rather do anything else. “She also said she got Mom and Dad to promise to be on their best behavior, so...”

Eddie nods, sitting up. “We can’t avoid them forever. Better to bite the bullet.”

“I think I’d rather take a bullet,” Buck mutters, and Eddie gives a snort.

“They’re not... that bad,” he says diplomatically, but both he and Buck know that’s a lie.

Buck shakes his head. “No, they’re worse. You don’t even know the half of it.”

“Well,” Eddie says, getting to his feet and offering out his hand, “At least you don’t have to deal with them alone this year. You’ll have your fake boyfriend by your side the whole time.”

For a moment, Buck simply stares at Eddie’s hand, like he isn’t sure what he’s supposed to do with it. It’s only when Eddie wiggles his fingers that he gets the memo, blush coloring his cheeks as he reaches out and interlaces their fingers.

“Gotta sell it, right?” Eddie asks, and Buck nods.

“Yeah. Gotta sell it.”

And, Eddie decides, he is going to sell it. Because if he’s about to spend the next two weeks enduring unabashed homophobia, then he isn’t going to hold back. He’s going to be so gay, there can be no doubt that he and Buck are hopelessly in love with each other.

In a strange way, it almost feels a bit like freedom.

Chapter Text

Maddie’s husband, Doug, arrives right as they’re all sitting down to eat.

Margaret and Phillip really do seem to be on their best behavior—or, at least, better than the first impression Eddie had gotten of them. They make a point to give him tight smiles, and they avoid any mention of his and Buck's “relationship” at all as they make mundane small talk, asking about their flight and what Eddie’s majoring in. It’s an impressive facade of normalcy. One that quickly crumbles the moment Doug joins them at the table.

“Sorry I’m late, everyone,” he announces as he enters the dining room, a megawatt smile spread across his face as he drops into the chair beside Maddie, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek. He’s an attractive guy, with short brown hair and a jaw covered in stubble, but there’s something about him that immediately puts Eddie on edge. “Got tied up at the hospital. Surgery went longer than anticipated. Turned out alright in the end, though.”

If Margaret and Phillip’s smiles were strained before, now they’re barely holding on for dear life. Maddie, too, suddenly seems on edge, a light Eddie had gotten used to seeing in her eyes suddenly dimmed. Even Buck stiffens beside Eddie, every muscle in the boy’s body tensing like someone anticipating a punch.

Doug’s eyes immediately lock on Eddie, and something flickers in them—something cruel—before he leans across the table with his hand offered out.

“Doug Kendall. And you are...?”

Eddie hesitates for a second before accepting the handshake, ending it as quickly as possible as he says, “Eddie Diaz.”

“And how do you know our Evan?”

Our Evan. Something about that puts a bad taste in Eddie’s mouth. Like the man’s trying to be familial when clearly no one else feels that way about him.

“He’s my boyfriend.”

At one head of the table, Margaret can’t seem to hold in a scoff, and Maddie immediately throws a glare her way.

“Mom.”

Doug ignores them both, eyebrows slowly rising to his hairline as he says, “Boyfriend? Really? I didn’t take Evan for the type.”

“The type?” Eddie asks, jaw clenched, and Doug nods.

“Yeah. He just always seemed to like women. Especially older women. Right, Evan?”

Doug looks to Buck expectantly, and Buck sinks down in his seat a little, face flaming red.

“Doug, please,” Maddie pleads, voice weak.

Again, he ignores her, eyes locked on Eddie like a fox eyeing up a chicken it can’t wait to devour. Eddie glares right back, unintimidated.

“Has he told you about that? How he managed to get two of the professors at your school fired because—?”

“He did, actually, yeah,” Eddie bluffs, giving a lazy shrug. “We tell each other everything.”

For some reason, this seems to delight the man. “Everything? Even how he—?”

“Doug, that’s enough.” To Eddie’s surprise, it’s Phillip who snaps this, slapping a flat hand on the table, making the dinnerware rattle. “This is supposed to be a nice family dinner. There’s no need to bring up such things.”

Curious what could be so bad that Phillip is putting a stop to it, Eddie glances sideways at Buck, but the boy won’t meet his eye.

Doug holds up his hands as if in surrender, a cruel smile still twisting his lips as he says, “My apologies, Phillip. I forgot what a sore subject that was for your family.”

Phillip scowls at Doug, who seems unconcerned by his father-in-law's obvious disdain for him. He also doesn’t push the subject, however, and instead moves on to regaling them all with what Eddie has to assume is an exaggerated retelling of the surgery that’d made him late to dinner. While he speaks, the rest of them poke at the green bean casserole Margaret made, nobody seeming to have much of an appetite. In fact, Eddie doesn’t see Buck bring even one bite of food up to his mouth the entire meal. Wanting to provide the boy some support, he bumps his knee into Buck’s, giving him a small smile when he looks up. Buck returns the smile, though it doesn’t fully reach his eyes, and bumps his knee into Eddie’s in return.

When an acceptable amount of time has finally passed, Eddie makes a big show of saying how stuffed he is and thanking Margaret for a wonderful meal, effectively cutting off Doug’s third surgery story of the evening. Everyone else seems grateful for the excuse and shoots to their feet almost as one, gathering plates and glasses and silverware and rushing them to the kitchen before disappearing into their own rooms.

Buck practically drags Eddie up the stairs and into his bedroom, and once they’re safely inside with the door shut behind them, Buck groans, “I thought it would never end.”

“No offense, man, but your family sucks,” Eddie says, dropping down onto the bed and rubbing tiredly at his eyes. “Other than Maddie, I mean.”

“Yeah, no offense taken. I couldn’t agree more.”

“Why do you even come back here for holidays and stuff? Why not stay with a friend or something?”

Silence meets his question, and he peeks over at where Buck’s still hovering by the door, teeth worrying his lower lip. It takes a minute, but eventually he admits, “I don’t really have any friends I can stay with. I’m not... close with anyone like that. And I like to see Maddie. And there’re some people at the resort I like to see, too. So...”

“What do you mean you’re not close with anyone like that?” Eddie asks, brow furrowed. “You have a ton of friends back at school. You’re with them all the time.”

“Yeah, but we’re not, you know, close. Most of them are just my teammates. We hang out sometimes, but...”

Eddie nods. “I get that. I’m not all that close with my teammates, either. Shannon’s the only person I’m really close with.”

“How long have you known her?” Buck asks, inching a few steps closer to Eddie.

“Her family moved to El Paso when we were in eighth grade. We ended up paired together in our science class and sort of became inseparable.” Eddie smiles at the memory of a young Shannon, braces and all, chattering away to him about moving from LA and her dad’s new job. He’d been a pretty quiet, introverted kid, so he was a little—no, a lot—intimidated by her extroverted personality, but he also found himself quickly enamored. For a while, he mistook those feelings for romantic, but now he understands that he simply admired how fearlessly she was able to be herself.

“And are you guys, uh... together?”

“We used to date, but no, we aren’t together anymore.”

“Why not?”

Eddie does his best to give a nonchalant shrug, avoiding Buck’s eyes as he says, “Just didn’t work out. We figured out we’re better off as friends.”

Which isn’t untrue. It just also isn’t the whole truth.

“What about you?” he then pivots, hoping to get the focus off himself and his love life. “Doug said something about two of our professors...?”

Some emotion Eddie can’t read passes over Buck’s face, and then the boy’s turning away from him to dig through one of his dresser drawers, pulling out a pair of sweatpants and a worn t-shirt Eddie assumes are going to be used as pajamas.

“Um, yeah,” Buck says, voice a little strained, still with his back to Eddie. “That was... a mistake.”

“I’ve heard people talk about it before, but I never actually thought it was true,” Eddie admits, and Buck huffs out a humorless laugh.

“No, it... It’s true.”

He begins stripping down to his boxer-briefs, then, and Eddie’s mouth goes dry as he finds himself staring at Buck’s rippling back muscles and toned thighs. Try as he might to tear his eyes away, he can’t bring himself to do it.

As he steps into his sweats and tugs on the t-shirt, Buck continues, “The first one—Professor Wells—was kind of an accident. I really wasn’t trying to... to... I was just really interested in psychology. Thought I might even want to major in it at that point. So, I visited her during office hours to ask about the program, and... She started talking about how she’d noticed me in class, how she was impressed with my work... It made me feel good, you know? I’ve never really been the type of guy who’s good at school. So, to have a teacher complimenting me... Anyway, one thing led to another, and we... Yeah. I really didn’t mean for it to happen, though.”

Buck finally looks at Eddie as he says that last part, eyes wide and earnest, like he needs Eddie to believe him. And... Eddie does. In fact, he feels disgusted. Not by Buck, but by the professor, who’d clearly taken advantage of a young student.

“She asked me not to tell anyone, and the rest of the semester was...” Buck grimaces. “I didn’t end up majoring in psychology, obviously. I went into sports medicine, instead. That’s how I met Professor Clark. It was kind of a similar situation, but not... I wasn’t surprised, that time. I knew right away what she wanted from me. And she was great. I might’ve even started falling in love with her. But then her mom died—Alzheimer's—and someone anonymously reported our relationship to the school, and somehow the thing with Professor Wells came out, too, and... It was a mess.”

“Jesus, Buck, I... I’m sorry, man.” It’s all Eddie can think to say. The whole thing is fucked up, and it seems like Buck doesn’t even realize how much. In fact, it almost seems like he blames himself for what happened, which is ridiculous. Those women were predators, plain and simple. Buck was a victim.

Buck shrugs. “It is what it is. But I’ve, uh, kind of sworn off relationships for a while. I’m not really in the mood to ruin someone else’s life, you know?”

“You didn’t ruin anybody’s life, Buck,” Eddie argues, sitting up and fixing the boy with a stern look. “What those women did was wrong, and they got punished for it.”

Instead of responding, Buck just gives another half-hearted shrug and then turns to rummage through his suitcase for something. A moment later, he emerges with a toothbrush and toothpaste in hand and nods toward the door.

“I’m gonna, um... I’ll be right back.”

With that, he disappears, shutting the door quietly behind himself, and Eddie sighs. Then, he makes his way over to the suitcases and pulls out his own pair of sweats and a t-shirt to sleep in, quickly changing into them. When Buck returns a few minutes later, Eddie takes his turn in the bathroom, and soon enough they’re both turning off the lights and climbing into bed together.

It’s almost comical, the amount of space they leave between them. Eddie’s practically hanging off the edge of the mattress, and he knows Buck’s probably in the same position. Neither of them mention it, though. Instead, Eddie asks, “So, why would Maddie marry someone like Doug? She’s so nice, and he’s so...”

“Dickish?” Buck supplies, and after a brief pause, both of them break out into snickers.

“Yeah. Exactly. Dickish,” Eddie agrees.

Their laughter dies down, and Buck sighs. “I don’t know. I think... Maybe he was better at the beginning. Or, better at hiding what a dick he is. And Mom and Dad didn’t like him, which I think made her like him more. And he was able to get her away from Hershey when he got accepted into medical school in Boston.”

Eddie hums in understanding. Then, carefully, unsure if he should even mention this, he says, “She seemed a little... scared of him.”

Buck’s silent for a moment, and Eddie worries he’s overstepped, but eventually the boy whispers, “I noticed that, too.”

“Has she acted like that before?” Eddie asks, turning his head to try and look at Buck in the dark, and he sees movement that might be Buck shrugging.

“It’s been getting more obvious. They’ve been together for about ten years—she was nineteen when they met—and every time I see her she’s a little more... not herself. She gets quieter, more jumpy, more timid...”

“Do you think he’s hurting her?” It’s a question Eddie doesn’t want to ask but figures someone should. He likes Maddie, and if she needs help, he wants to make sure someone gets it for her.

“I don’t know. I asked her once, and she denied it and then didn’t speak to me for a month. So, I’m not really sure what to do.”

It’s a tricky situation, for sure. After a moment of thought, Eddie says, “Well, you can really only help someone who wants to be helped. Maybe wait for her to come to you. I’m sure she will, if she ever reaches that point.”

“I feel like a horrible brother, leaving her to deal with it alone.” The sadness in Buck’s voice breaks Eddie’s heart a little, and, without thinking, he reaches across the chasm between them, blindly searching in the dark until he finds Buck’s hand and gives it a firm squeeze.

“You’re not. You’re there for her in other ways. I’m sure it helps her just to know she could go to you, if she needed to. Especially since she probably doesn’t feel that way about your parents.”

Buck heaves a heavy sigh. “I guess.”

They drift into silence after that, but it’s a comfortable one. At some point, Eddie realizes he’s still holding onto Buck’s hand and tries to pull away, only for Buck to tighten his own grip.

“I meant it, earlier,” the boy says, voice wavering slightly. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I know my family is...”

Eddie shakes his head, even though he knows Buck can’t see him in the dark. “No. I meant what I said earlier, too. I’m in this until the end.”

And not just because of the money, though that is a big part of it, obviously. But, even if a huge payday wasn’t on the line, Eddie doesn’t think he’d leave Buck now. His conscience wouldn’t let him. The boy clearly needs someone’s support in dealing with his parents and brother-in-law, and, despite himself, Eddie finds he wants to be that person for Buck. At least for these two weeks.

Maybe it’s because, he realizes, in the twelve hours he’s spent with Buck today, he hasn’t thought of the boy once as being arrogant or egotistical. In fact, he’d enjoyed the few conversations he’d had with him. He feels like he’s seen a new side to Evan Buckley. Here, he isn’t loud and attention-seeking. He isn’t flirting with anything that has boobs and a pulse. He isn’t puffing up his chest and having a dick-measuring contest with a bunch of other guys. Instead, he’s open. A little timid. And clearly desperate for affection.

They don’t speak anymore after that, and Eddie doesn’t try to pull his hand away again, either. Instead, he lays on his back, listening as Buck’s breathing slowly evens out and shifts into soft snores. Gently, he lets his thumb rub across the boy’s knuckles, and as he does so he has the somewhat startling realization that he might actually be feeling a bit fond of Buck, something he never could’ve predicted after holding such a poor opinion of the boy for so long.

As he follows Buck’s lead, drifting into unconsciousness, the last thought he has is that he’s sort of glad he took this job, after all.

Chapter Text

When Eddie wakes the next morning, it’s to Buck wrapped around him like a (very large) octopus, arms encircling Eddie’s torso and their legs tangled together. It’s... nice, actually. Different from the times he’s woken up with Shannon, who doesn’t mind cuddling but usually prefers to have her own space while she sleeps. Eddie actually hadn’t realized how much he likes to be held until this very moment, and it takes a few seconds for his groggy brain to catch up with him and realize Buck isn’t someone whose touch he’s supposed to enjoy.

The boy would probably be embarrassed if he woke up and realized how he’d latched onto Eddie in the middle of the night. So, to spare him that, Eddie carefully extricates himself and sneaks out of the room, heading for the bathroom to relieve himself and brush his teeth.

When he reaches it, however, he finds it occupied, and a moment later Maddie emerges, eyelids drooping and lips turned down in a sleepy frown. That frown quickly quirks up into a smile when she spots Eddie, and she whispers, “Hey. How’d you sleep?”

“Good,” he replies. Really good, in fact. Maybe even the best sleep he’s had in years. Not that he can admit to that, especially not to Buck’s sister.

“Good,” she echoes, her smile growing. “Well, I’m heading downstairs for some coffee. You wanna join me?”

“Oh. Uh... Sure.” He awkwardly points past her at the now-vacant bathroom and says, “Just gotta...”

She quickly steps out of the way with a chuckle. “Okay. I’ll meet you downstairs, then.” 

“Sounds good.”

He makes sure his time spent in the bathroom is quick, and soon enough he’s making his way into the kitchen, where Maddie waits at a wooden breakfast table with a mug of steaming coffee set out for him.

“I wasn’t sure how you took your coffee. There’s creamer in the fridge and sugar on the counter, if you want any,” she says, and he nods, grabbing the sugar dispenser and pouring the slightest bit into his mug before sitting down. As he takes his first sip, Maddie fiddles with her own mug of coffee and says, “I’m really so sorry about last night. It was all completely unacceptable. Embarrassing. I hope it didn’t make you see Evan any differently.”

Eddie frowns. “Of course not. None of that was his fault.”

Something like relief washes over Maddie, and she nods. “Exactly. Just... I was afraid it might scare you away, and Evan... He deserves this. You, I mean. Your relationship. I can tell you make him happy, and he deserves to be happy.”

Guilt tugs at Eddie’s insides over lying to Maddie, making her think he and Buck are more than barely acquaintances, but he does his best to keep his emotions off his face. He has no intention of blowing his and Buck’s cover.

“He, uh... makes me happy, too,” Eddie stutters, and a twinkle appears in Maddie’s brown eyes.

“I’m glad you guys are together. Which one of you finally approached the other?”

Right. Because apparently Buck has been aware of Eddie’s existence for a lot longer than Eddie had ever imagined. And he thinks Eddie’s cool. Or, cool enough to report back to his older sister about, anyway.

“It wasn’t, um... We just sort of happened to sit next to each other in English Comp. We ended up talking, and then we sort of became friends, and then I realized I liked him as more than friends, so I... My best friend, Shannon, encouraged me to tell Buck how I felt, so I did.”

God, he wishes it could be that simple in real life.

His story, at least, seems to please Maddie immensely. “That’s great. I think... It’s nice that someone chose Evan, you know? I think he feels like people don’t choose him.”

“Who wouldn’t choose Buck?” The words slip out without Eddie’s permission. He hadn’t even really thought about them before he’d spoken. He isn’t sure where they came from.

“Idiots, that’s who,” Maddie says decisively. Then, she leans in and conspiratorially adds, “I’m also impressed you finally got him to realize he’s... you know. Not straight. I’ve been trying to hint at it to him for years. I know that’s the kind of thing you’ve got to figure out on your own, but I still tried to nudge him in the right direction. I wasn’t sure he’d ever get there, though.”

“What made you think he was... not straight?” Eddie asks. He figures it’s a fair question, since, in reality, Buck’s actually very straight. So, what is it about him that makes his sister so convinced of the opposite?

Maddie ponders this question for a moment, taking a sip of her coffee, and Eddie takes the opportunity to do the same. Then, she says, “Mostly just the way he’d talk about you, to be honest. Before that, there wasn’t really anything to make me think he was interested in guys. He was actually kind of a player in high school. I think he dated every girl in his grade, or close to it.”

“H... How did he talk about me?”

A wicked smile creeps onto Maddie’s face, and she wiggles her eyebrows at him. “I remember the first time your name came up. He called me right after freshman orientation. Told me all about the people he’d met and things he’d seen, and one name kept popping up. ‘Eddie Diaz.’ He told me you were from Texas, and that you were on the baseball team, and that you were majoring in business, and that you spoke Spanish... And when I asked him if you guys were planning on hanging out again, he told me he hadn’t even spoken to you. So, I asked him how he knew all those things if that were true, and he said he’d learned them from other people who he’d asked about you.”

Eddie frowns. “Why didn’t he come talk to me, then?”

“I think he was intimidated by you,” Maddie says with a smirk. “And he told me a few times after that day that he got the impression you didn’t like him very much.”

Eddie grimaces, and he admits, “I thought he was kind of... cocky.”

To his surprise, this makes Maddie laugh, and she nods in understanding.

“He does come off that way a lot. It’s all an act, though. Which, you’ve obviously figured out by now, or else you probably wouldn’t be dating him, would you?”

“Right.” And he really is starting to realize that. He even sort of understands it. It isn’t like he doesn’t also pretend to be someone he’s not to hide his insecurities or protect himself from those who might not be open to accepting the real him. If he were someone on the outside looking in at himself, he’d probably think Eddie Diaz was a homophobic jerk.

Maddie hums and takes another sip of her coffee before saying, “I’m glad he brought you along for Christmas. I mean, I’m sorry you have to deal with our parents, but I’m also glad he has you here to have his back this time. I always try to, but it can be hard to stand up for him the way he deserves when I’m also trying to keep the peace. But I have a feeling you’re not worried about keeping the peace.”

She gives him a meaningful look, and he shrugs, putting on an unapologetic smirk of his own.

“Definitely not.”

“Hey, I was wondering where you disappeared to.”

The voice comes from the kitchen doorway, startling both Eddie and Maddie, and Eddie turns in his seat to find a sleep-ruffled Buck running a hand through mussed curls, his blue eyes bouncing between Eddie and his sister. Eddie gives the boy an easy grin and says, “Maddie invited me to have coffee with her.”

“Why?” Buck asks, clearly suspicious, and Maddie scoffs.

“Can’t a girl have coffee with her baby brother’s new boyfriend without there being some ulterior motive behind it?”

Buck cocks an unamused eyebrow at her and says, quite bluntly, “No.”

Maddie gives a playfully affronted gasp, placing a hand to her chest. “Ouch. Ye of little faith.”

“What did she say to you?” Buck demands, turning his attention to Eddie. “Was she telling you more embarrassing stories? If it was the one about the swimming pool, I was only three, which is a detail she loves to leave out—”

“Evan, relax,” Maddie laughs. “I wasn’t telling him any stories. He was telling me about how you two finally met.”

“Oh.” Buck casts Eddie a nervous look, and Eddie gives him a reassuring smile.

“Yeah. Not very exciting, but...” He shrugs. Then, his smile turns wicked as he says, “I would love to hear this swimming pool story, though, if—”

To Eddie’s delight, Buck’s face instantly goes red, and the boy shakes his head fervently.

“No! No, nope, nuh-uh, no.”

Maddie snickers. “Oh, but it’s such a good one.”

“Maddie, I swear to god, I will—”

“We got a party going on in here or what?”

And just like that, all the joy that had once been in the room is suddenly sucked out of it, and everyone falls silent as Doug—fully dressed and freshly showered—joins Buck in the kitchen doorway. Buck immediately takes a few steps away, bringing him closer to Eddie and Maddie, a displeased scowl on his face that Eddie’s sure mirrors his own.

After a moment of awkward silence, Maddie pushes to her feet wearing a strained smile and says, “Hi, honey! Can I get you some coffee?”

“That’d be great, babe. Thank you.”

The smile he gives her doesn’t reach his eyes, which hold an emptiness that makes Eddie incredibly uncomfortable, and then he makes his way over to the breakfast table to claim the spot his wife just abandoned. Not concerned with subtlety, Eddie shoves out of his own seat and snatches up his coffee mug, moving to stand beside Buck. This seems to amuse Doug more than anything.

“You boys excited to head up to the resort today?” he asks, leaning back in his seat and crossing his legs. “Have you ever been skiing, Eddie?”

Eddie leans into Buck, pressing his arm against the other boy’s, and Buck returns the gesture as Eddie says, “I haven’t. Buck’s gonna have to teach me.”

“I’m sure you’ll pick it up easily enough. It’s the cold you might have some trouble with. You from LA?”

“El Paso.”

“Ah. A cowboy.” Doug smirks, and Eddie fights to keep from rolling his eyes. “You’re definitely not used to a real winter, then, are you?”

“I’ll manage.”

Doug hums in acknowledgement. “And if you can’t, at least you’ll have Evan to cuddle up with for warmth.”

From the corner of his eye, Eddie sees Buck’s face flush pink, but he refuses to let this idiot get to him. So, he simply laces his fingers with Buck’s and stares Doug dead in the eyes as he says, “That’s definitely what I’m looking forward to the most.”

That earns him a snort from the man.

“Oh, I’m sure.”

Luckily—and Eddie can’t believe he’s using that word, but it’s a clear testament to how much he despises Doug—Margaret and Phillip enter the kitchen then, saving Eddie from having to continue to make conversation with this jackass. They both wear an expression almost like they’ve sucked a sour lemon, and Eddie wonders if they’re regretting this whole holiday already.

“Alright, everyone, we want to be on the road by ten at the latest,” Phillip announces to them all. “Let’s get moving.”

Eddie’s more than happy for an excuse to get away from everyone, so he leaves Buck in the kitchen to eat some breakfast while he runs upstairs to take a quick shower. By the time he steps out of the bathroom with a towel slung around his waist, Buck has made his way back up to the bedroom and is rummaging through his closet, clearly hunting for something. Eventually, he emerges with a black jacket and a victorious “Aha!”

“What’s that?” Eddie asks, and Buck spins around, startled. His mouth opens like he’s about to answer, but he stops short, eyes trailing down and then back up Eddie’s half-naked body. A little self-conscious, Eddie grabs hold of where the towel is tucked in at his hip to secure it, lest it fall down and make this already awkward moment even more uncomfortable.

“Um...” Buck finally says, and then he blinks and suddenly his eyes are locked onto Eddie’s. “I was trying to find one of my old ski jackets. For you. After what Doug said about you not being used to the cold, I realized you might need to borrow some of my stuff.”

Eddie nods, making his way over to his suitcase and pulling out some clothes to change into. “That’d be great. I mean, I bought some long underwear and stuff the internet said I should have for skiing, but I’ll take anything you have for me to use.”

He’d assumed he’d just rent anything he didn’t have from the resort, but he’d definitely rather borrow Buck’s stuff if he can. That sounds like a much better option than wearing clothes that’ve also been worn by—and sweated in by—a bunch of strangers.

“Okay, great. Sure. I think I have some ski pants that’ll fit you, too. And obviously you can use my old gear. Lucky we’re about the same size.”

“Yeah. Lucky,” Eddie agrees as he pulls on his boxer-briefs and then removes the towel, hanging it on the door handle for the time being. Then, as he steps into his jeans, he asks, “How hard is skiing, really? Am I gonna look like an idiot out there?”

Buck shakes his head. “I don’t think you could ever look like an idiot.”

The compliment catches Eddie off guard, and he trips a little over the jeans bunched up at his ankles as he glances up at Buck, whose face is quickly turning red for the third time today as he returns to hunting through his closet. Suddenly nervous, Eddie makes quick work of pulling his pants up the rest of the way and then tugging an olive-green henley over his head.

They don’t talk much after that, focusing their attention instead on packing up their things and loading their bags into the back of Buck’s parents’ SUV—the white SUV Maddie had used to pick them up from the airport. Eddie isn’t particularly excited to spend the next two hours stuck in a car with the Buckley parents, but he figures it’s better than spending them in a car with Doug, so he doesn’t complain as he and Buck load up into the back seat.

“Alright, let’s hit the road,” Phillip grunts as he hauls himself into the driver seat, Margaret already settled on the passenger side.

Those are the only words he speaks for the rest of the drive.

It’s painfully awkward, no one attempting to break the heavy silence, but Eddie decides he prefers this to having to listen to homophobic remarks or belittling comments aimed at his fake boyfriend. Eventually, both he and Buck get on their phones, Eddie scrolling mindlessly through Instagram and texting with Shannon, filling her in on how his morning has gone so far. It’s about an hour into the drive when his phone buzzes with another text, but this time from Buck.

Evan Buckley: sorry this is the most awk car ride ever

Eddie lets out a quiet little snort and replies:

Eddie: Not even close to the most awkward car ride ever.
Eddie: One time, my sister Sophia got into a huge fight with our mom. Like, lock yourself in your room and pray you don’t get caught up in the blast kind of nuclear fight. It was BAD.
Eddie: And then, half an hour later, we all had to pile into the car together because we were driving to Disneyland.

He glances at Buck out of the corner of his eye as the boy reads his texts, watching as Buck’s eyebrows shoot up and a grin stretches across his face. His fingers fly across the keyboard, and a moment later a series of texts buzz through on Eddie’s phone.

Evan Buckley: oof
Evan Buckley: that is rough
Evan Buckley: was disney fun at least?

Eddie: I threw up on Mickey Mouse.

Buck laughs out loud at that, slapping a hand over his mouth to stifle it, and his mom shoots him a displeased look over her shoulder before returning her attention to the book she brought along to read.

A few seconds later, Buck’s typed out a reply.

Evan Buckley: ???
Evan Buckley: had you just been on a ride?
Evan Buckley: ate a bad corndog?

Eddie winces.

Eddie: No, it was just a nervous stomach. I don’t like people in costumes.
Eddie: I threw up on Santa two years in a row, too.

Evan Buckley: seriously? that's adorable

Eddie: You think a kid vomiting on innocent people is adorable?

Evan Buckley: i meant more that your afraid of people in costumes

Eddie: I didn’t say I was afraid of them. I said I don’t like them.

Evan Buckley: same thing

Eddie: No, it’s not.

Evan Buckley: agree to disagree

Eddie: I do not agree to that, no.

Buck snickers and flashes Eddie a playful smile.

Evan Buckley: ok ok
Evan Buckley: your not afraid of them
Evan Buckley: you just puke when you see them bcuz you slightly dislike them

Eddie: I haven’t vomited because of a person in a costume since I was ten, btw.

Evan Buckley: have you been around ppl in costumes since you were 10?

Eddie hesitates, then reluctantly types:

Eddie: Our high school mascot was a creepy tiger.

Evan Buckley: and did you ever interact w the creepy tiger?
Evan Buckley: or did you avoid it at all costs?

When Eddie stubbornly refuses to reply, Buck snickers and sends:

Evan Buckley: thats what i thought

Eddie: Fuck you.

Evan Buckley: only if you ask nicely

And Eddie. Well, he chokes. On what? Who knows? Air? His own spit? All that matters is that he’s suddenly hacking up a lung, face burning so hot it could melt the snow outside. Meanwhile, Buck grins at him like a maniac, clearly enjoying Eddie’s suffering.

“Are you alright, Eddie?” Margaret asks, glancing back at him, her expression less concerned and more barely-concealed annoyance.

Eddie gives one last hack for good measure and then gives the woman a thumbs up, gasping, “Yep. Sorry. I’m fine.”

Once only Buck’s attention is on him again, he quickly types out:

Eddie: Your parents are gonna think I’m a freak now.

Buck frowns down at his phone for a moment, then replies:

Evan Buckley: hate to break it to you but they already did
Evan Buckley: they think your dating me
Evan Buckley: in their minds only a freak would do that

Eddie scowls.

Eddie: Yeah, well, they’re idiots.

He looks up at Buck as the boy reads his message, and then their eyes meet and Buck shrugs. It’s clear by his big, sad eyes that he doesn’t believe what Eddie said to be true. So, Eddie doubles down.

Eddie: You’re great, Buck. Really. Some girl’s gonna be lucky to have you someday.

Buck gives Eddie a small smile in response, and then his eyes flick down to Eddie’s phone screen, narrowing. Confused, Eddie studies his phone, trying to figure out what Buck’s looking at. Seconds later, a text buzzes over.

Evan Buckley: do you have me in your phone as evan buckley?

Eddie’s brow furrows.

Eddie: Yeah?

Evan Buckley: not even buck?
Evan Buckley: just evan buckley?

Now Eddie’s really confused.

Eddie: I didn’t know you that well when you gave me your number. Do you want me to change it to Buck?

Evan Buckley: i mean, my parents will probably wonder why my bf has me in his phone as my full legal name if they happen to see it

Eddie: Ok, I’ll change it.

So, Eddie hits the edit button on Buck’s contact information and switches the name, showing it off to Buck across the space between their two seats.

“Better?” he whispers, but Buck once again frowns. Then, before Eddie realizes what’s happening, his phone is being snatched out of his hand, and Buck’s typing away on it. Once his brain eventually catches up, Eddie attempts to snatch the phone back, but Buck holds it out of reach, eyes never leaving the screen. After a few more seconds, he finally hands it back to Eddie with a smirk.

“There. That’s better.”

Eddie looks down at his phone screen and barely bites back a groan.

😍😘😋💖 Buck 🍆🍑🤤🥵: much more believable right?

Eddie: I’m gonna kill you.

😍😘😋💖 Buck 🍆🍑🤤🥵: is that a threat or a promise 😏

Instead of justifying that with a response, Eddie navigates back into Buck’s contact info and changes his name to something much less mortifying.

Buck ❤️: did you just change it 🙁

Rather than responding, Eddie shows off his phone screen to Buck, who studies the new name for a few seconds before giving a nod of approval.

“I guess that’s alright.”

“What am I in your phone as?” Eddie asks, and Buck gives him a mischievous grin before proudly showing it off.

“Ay, Dios mio,” Eddie mutters in horror as he takes in the abomination before him.

Eddie DiASS 🥵🍆💦🍑🤤

“What? You have a nice ass,” Buck says with an innocent shrug, earning himself a glare from his mom and a hissed, “Evan.”

Eddie’s face is on fire, but he also can’t help but feel just a little bit pleased that Buck noticed something like that about him. Not that it means anything. Buck’s straight. Guys probably notice things like that about each other all the time. It’s only for people like Eddie that it goes beyond innocent observation.

They text back and forth for the rest of the drive, with Buck sending Eddie memes and fun facts about sports and birds and other random topics and answering all of Eddie’s questions about what to expect once they make it to the resort. Eddie teases Buck about his encyclopedia-like knowledge about things, and Buck teases him right back about how he “texts like a grandpa.” It’s... fun. Something Eddie honestly never expected to be able to have with Buck.

He’s in the middle of typing out another lighthearted message when the boy suddenly nudges him with his foot. Eddie looks up from his phone and follows Buck’s gaze out the front window, his jaw dropping when he spots the frankly gigantic building they're pulling up to.

The place is clearly modeled after a log cabin, made up of wood and stone, but it could never be mistaken as such. It’s closer to a log mansion, at least six stories tall and about two football fields wide, give or take. Its gable roof is covered in a thick layer of snow, though the circular drive leading up to it is perfectly plowed and salted, lined with pine trees.

It is, admittedly, beautiful.

Buck wears a wide grin as he announces, “Welcome to the Grant-Nash Ski Resort.”

Chapter Text

As they step into the resort’s overwhelmingly large lobby, Eddie’s struck by the sudden realization that he’s way out of his depth here. This is the kind of place his family could never even dream of affording to go to. In fact, it feels like there’s a big neon sign on his chest flashing the words “I DON’T BELONG HERE!” He actually sort of expects someone to come up from behind him, grab him by the back of his shirt, and drag him outside to throw him in the snow.

“Mr. and Mrs. Buckley. Welcome,” a warm voice greets them instead, a short, black woman with a chin-length bob appearing seemingly from out of nowhere. She’s dressed in a white blouse and black slacks, and she holds herself with the kind of confidence Eddie wishes he had.

“Hello, Athena,” Phillip says to the woman, giving her a polite smile. “Lovely to see you again.”

Athena’s smile is equally polite as she replies, “Likewise.”

“Phillip,” another voice speaks up, and they’re joined by a tall, slender white man with short, graying hair. He shakes Phillip’s hand, one brisk up and down motion, and then turns to smile at Margaret. “Margaret. You’re doing well, I hope?”

“Very well, Robert, thank you,” Margaret replies.

“Bobby. Athena,” Doug suddenly says, shouldering his way into the conversation and shaking both the man and woman’s hands. Eddie hadn’t even noticed him and Maddie enter behind the rest of them. “Great to see you both. The place looks beautiful, as always.”

And it does. It’s cavernous, with a high ceiling ornamented with bare wooden beams and an elegant chandelier, and the furniture somehow manages to look outdoorsy and modern all at once. To the left, there’s a huge stone fireplace that holds a crackling fire, and to the right is a welcome desk made of sleek dark wood.

“Doug. We’re glad to have you back,” Bobby replies, but Eddie thinks there might be a bit of strain in the man’s voice, like he’s working hard to be cordial.

“How’re the kids?”

“Very well, thank you.”

“We’ve got your usual rooms ready for you,” Athena informs them, gesturing to the welcome desk. “If you want to follow me, we can get you all checked in.”

Margaret, Phillip, and Doug follow after her, leaving Eddie, Buck, and Maddie alone with Bobby, whose smile instantly turns more genuine as his eyes land on Buck.

“Hey, kid,” he says, and, to Eddie’s surprise, Buck crashes into the man like a freight train, wrapping him up in a hug.

“Hey, Bobby,” Buck mumbles into the man’s shoulder.

Bobby then meets Maddie’s eyes and, while still holding onto Buck, says, “Maddie. Good to see you.”

Maddie’s eyes twinkle as she grins at him. “Good to see you, too, Bobby.”

Finally, Buck and Bobby pull apart, and then Bobby gives Eddie a curious smile as he asks, “And who’s this?”

“I’m Eddie,” Eddie introduces himself, awkwardly holding his hand out in greeting, and Bobby kindly shakes it.

“Eddie’s my, uh...” Buck says, blush creeping into his cheeks once again. “He’s my boyfriend.”

Bobby’s eyebrows shoot up, but Eddie doesn’t think it’s in a bad way. And, like Maddie had when Buck had “come out” to her, Bobby quickly schools his expression and immediately gives both Buck and Eddie a genuinely warm smile.

“Well, then, it’s very nice to meet you, Eddie,” he says, and Eddie nods.

“You, too.”

“Bobby and Athena own the resort,” Maddie finally steps in to explain to Eddie. “We’ve known them since we were kids.”

“And we love these two like they’re our own,” Athena suddenly cuts in, appearing at her husband’s side, smiling at Buck and Maddie. Buck flushes an even darker red and ducks his head to hide what looks like a pleased smile. Athena’s eyes then meet Eddie’s, and she says, “I don’t believe we’ve met. Athena.”

“Eddie,” Eddie introduces again, shaking the woman’s hand.

“Buck’s boyfriend,” Bobby supplies, and though the rest of Athena’s expression remains soft and fond, something lights up in her eyes at those words.

“Boyfriend? Really? I always wondered if our Buck would ever bring someone around to meet us.” Her words are playful, teasing, and Buck shrugs, head still ducked and a smile still on his face.

“Never had someone worth bringing around before.”

Athena hums, winking at Eddie as she says, “That’s some high praise.”

Except it isn’t, really, since the only reason Eddie’s here is because Buck doesn’t have someone worth bringing around. But, obviously, no one can know that, so Eddie takes the compliment in stride and says, “Hopefully I can live up to it.”

“Well, Eddie, if you need anything at all, you find us and let us know,” Bobby instructs. “If you’re important to Buck, then you’re family to us.”

Eddie understands, now, why Buck would be willing to deal with his parents over winter break. It’s for this. For these people who treat him the way he deserves. Who clearly love him unconditionally, despite having no real familial ties to him. Who’re so immediately and easily accepting of every aspect of him, including a brand-new sexuality that even his own biological parents tried to shame him for.

“Oh, Chimney!” Bobby suddenly calls out, his attention caught by an East Asian man who just entered from the other end of the large lobby. The man quickly makes his way over, pushing a fancy gold luggage cart along with him, a bright smile on his handsome face that brightens even more when his eyes land on Maddie. Maddie, who’s suddenly just as red in the face as her brother, and whose smile is equally bright.

“Maddie! Hi!” the man—Chimney?—greets once he’s reached them. Then, like he suddenly remembers the rest of them exist, he shifts his grin to Buck and says, “Hey, Buckaroo. How ya doing?”

“Hey, Chim,” Buck replies, but the man’s attention is already focused back on Maddie. With a roll of his eyes, Buck leans into Eddie, their shoulders bumping, and mutters under his breath, “I’m chopped liver when my sister’s around.”

“How was your summer? Did you get around to painting your kitchen like you said you wanted to?” Chimney’s asking Maddie.

“I did, actually! I went with the robin egg blue.”

“Ooh, I liked that color! Good choice. You got any pic—?”

“Alright, babe, we’re ready to go.”

Doug appears at his wife’s side out of nowhere, casually draping an arm around her shoulders and giving Chimney the coldest smile Eddie’s ever seen. Immediately, Chimney takes what looks like an unconscious step back, his own smile becoming a little less genuine, and Maddie’s smile drops completely. The shift in mood is almost jarring.

“Do you mind taking our bags up to our room, Howard?” Doug asks Chimney, who gives a stiff nod and begins loading everyone’s suitcases onto the luggage cart. Then, Doug begins to guide Maddie further into the resort, arm still around her shoulders almost as if it’s a leash around her neck, keeping her close.

Phillip and Margaret join them seconds later, handing Buck and Eddie each a keycard to what will be their room for the next two weeks. Eddie tucks his into his pocket and then laces his fingers with Buck’s, nudging the boy to lead the way.

All their rooms are on the same floor, with the Buckley parents’ suite next to Maddie and Doug’s while Eddie and Buck’s is across the hall. Eddie’s grateful to have some separation from the other couples, if only to have some semblance of privacy. Not that he and Buck need privacy. In fact, they’re the only ones who probably don’t. But still. Eddie isn’t going to complain about being just a little farther away from Phillip, Margaret, and Doug.

As Buck swipes his keycard and holds the door to their room open, Eddie’s jaw practically falls to the floor. The place is huge. Bigger than any hotel room he’s ever stayed in, for sure. Just like the lobby, it’s a mix of modern and rustic, with sleek wood walls and a king-sized bed that’s adorned with gray plaid pillows and a fur blanket. There’s also a large TV mounted to the wall across from the bed and a kitchenette complete with microwave and full-sized fridge. As Eddie steps further inside, he pokes his head into the bathroom only to find a tub with jets and a separate shower with a rain shower head.

“This is...” he says, but finds himself at a loss for words to describe what he’s seeing. Buck’s grinning from ear to ear beside him.

“You haven’t even seen the best part, yet,” the boy teases, tugging Eddie’s hand to lead him over to a sliding glass door across the room. It lets out onto a large, snow-covered balcony, and tucked away in the corner is...

Eddie’s eyes go wide. “Is that a hot tub?”

“Yep! All to ourselves.”

For a moment, Eddie’s too stunned to speak, just trying to take it all in. Then, he says, “So, your family’s rich rich.”

Buck gives a sheepish shrug. “Kind of, yeah.”

“How? You said your parents are in education?”

“Yeah, but most of our money’s from my grandpa on my mom’s side. He invented some wine bottle opener-thing and when he died, he left everything he had to my mom.”

“Seriously?” 

“Yup.”

“Huh.” Eddie steps back into the room, and Buck follows, shutting the sliding door behind them. Just then, Chimney lets himself in with their suitcases, setting them on the bed and giving them both a friendly smile.

“There you go, Buckaroo. And... Buckaroo’s friend. Sorry, I don’t think we met,” he says, holding out his hand to Eddie.

“Eddie,” Eddie introduces once more, taking the man’s offered hand and shaking it. “Buck’s boyfriend.”

Chimney’s eyes go comically wide.

“No kidding? Wow. Well, very nice to meet you. I hope you enjoy your stay, and if you need anything, just ask. We like to take good care of all our guests, but especially a special friend of our Buck.”

He gives Eddie a wink for good measure, and then he’s jogging back out again, shutting the door behind him, leaving Eddie and Buck completely alone.

Eddie turns to Buck with a grin. “Everyone seems really nice.”

“They are,” Buck agrees, head bobbling eagerly. “That’s why I like it here. Bobby especially is sort of like... Well.”

A sheepish look crosses Buck’s face, like he’s ashamed of what he almost said. Eddie can guess what it was. Bobby’s like the father he wishes he had. One who loves and accepts him unconditionally.

With a nod to let Buck know he understands, Eddie changes the topic slightly by saying, “So, Chimney and Maddie... What’s going on there?”

Buck sighs. “Nothing, unfortunately. Chim’s too good a guy to make a move on my sister when Doug’s still in the picture. I really wish they’d met before she met Doug.”

“Well, you never know. Maybe she’ll realize what an ass her husband is and leave him for Chimney,” Eddie suggests, and Buck gives him a weak smile.

“Yeah. Maybe.” But he doesn’t really seem to believe it could happen.

Deciding it’s once again a good idea to change the subject, Eddie asks, “What’s up with the name ‘Chimney’, anyway? Where’d that come from?”

Buck lights up at the question.

“Oh, that’s a great story. It all started when Bobby...”

And so he regales Eddie with the tale as the two of them unpack their suitcases and get ready for a day of skiing, pulling on so many layers Eddie feels a bit like the Michelin Man by the end. He isn’t sure how anyone does much of anything athletic with this amount of clothes on, but it’s what the internet—and Buck—advised him to wear, so here he is.

When the two of them step out of their room about an hour later, they find the rest of the Buckley family waiting for them in the hall, also decked out in winter layers and holding skis and ski poles. Buck’s given Eddie an old pair of his skis to use for the trip, which Eddie’s awkwardly trying to maneuver without taking someone out in the process. Once they’ve all convened, they walk out to the slopes together, and that’s when Eddie’s heart starts to race with nerves. He’s an athletic guy. Hell, he got into college on a baseball scholarship. But these are uncharted waters for him.

“You guys go on without us,” Buck urges his family once they reach the series of lifts that’ll take them to the top of the mountain. “I think we’re gonna stick to the bunny hill today for Eddie.”

“Alright. Have fun, you two,” Maddie teases with a wink. Then, she and the others trudge off to one of the lifts, leaving Eddie and Buck alone.

Eddie grimaces at the boy. “Sorry you’re stuck with me.”

“Nowhere else I’d rather be,” Buck says, so sincerely Eddie almost believes him. But there’s no way that can be true. They barely know each other. Of course he’d rather be having fun on one of the more challenging slopes, spending time with his family—or, Maddie, at least—rather than wasting the next few hours teaching Eddie how not to fall flat on his face.

They start out with Buck demonstrating how to put on the skis, which turns out to be easier than Eddie expected. The ski boots Buck let him borrow latch easily into the skis with little effort on Eddie’s part. That’s about the only thing Eddie would consider easy, however. It only gets more complicated from there.

Buck spends a good five minutes going over centers of gravity and proper stances and how to stop and turn, and then he guides Eddie over to the bunny hill lift. It isn’t like the lifts for the real slopes—rather, it’s sort of a pulley system, with ropes to hold onto that drag you up the hill. It’s pretty simple and actually kind of fun to use, but Eddie’s stomach turns with nerves as they reach the top and he looks down the long expanse of white powder before him. There’re a handful of other people using the slope, and his cheeks flare with heat as he realizes most of them are adults teaching their small children to ski for the first time.

“This is humiliating,” he mutters, and Buck gives him a gentle nudge in the ribs with his elbow.

“Everyone starts somewhere. You don’t have anything to be embarrassed about.”

They start easy—or, Buck claims it’ll be easy, at least—with Eddie pointing his toes inward to form a V with his skis and gently gliding down the slope. It isn’t too bad, though Eddie’s humiliation grows exponentially when a little girl in a rainbow tutu who can’t be more than four years old zips past him at lightning speed. When he points this out to Buck once they reach the bottom of the slope, the boy cackles and suggests they get Eddie a rainbow tutu to wear tomorrow.

Eddie makes quick work of packing together a snowball and nailing Buck square in the chest with it.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t just see that,” calls out a woman’s voice from behind them, and a moment later the voice’s owner appears on a set of skis, wearing a playful smile.

“Hen, hey!” Buck greets her excitedly, pulling the woman into a slightly awkward hug considering their clothes and equipment. “I was hoping you’d be working today!”

The woman’s beautiful, with dark brown skin and kind brown eyes. She gives a little snort as she says, “When aren’t I working, Buck?”

“Good point. How’re Karen and Denny?” 

“They’re both really good. Excited to see you at the Christmas party. You are going, right?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

“Didn’t think so, but I thought I’d ask.” Then, the woman’s eyes trail over to Eddie, and she gives him a smile as she says, “I’m Hen, by the way. I guess this one’s too rude to introduce us.”

She gives Buck a gentle smack with the back of her hand, and Buck chuckles sheepishly.

“Sorry, sorry,” he says, and then introduces, “Hen, this is my boyfriend, Eddie. Eddie, this is Hen.”

“Nice to meet you,” Eddie greets, and Hen’s smile grows.

“Likewise. Though,” she turns to Buck again and gives him another smack, “I’m a little peeved this is how I find out you aren’t straight.”

Buck playfully scowls at her. “Sorry I didn’t hire a skywriter to announce it to you all.”

“I would’ve settled for a text, but I do like the skywriter idea. It’s got flair.”

“I’ll keep that in mind for next time.”

Hen cocks an eyebrow. “You expect to have to come out more than once?”

Buck seems to think this over, then shrugs. “I guess not.”

Except when he has to come back out as straight, Eddie thinks to himself, and then he pauses. Will Buck ever come back out as straight? Or is the boy planning to pretend to be queer for the rest of his life? That seems like a hard lie to keep up—though, Eddie supposes it can’t be any harder than it is for him to keep up the lie that he’s straight. Still, it feels different. Lying like this to Buck’s parents is one thing. They deserve to be tricked. It’s the smallest price they can pay for their bigotry. But lying to everyone else seems wrong. Especially when they genuinely seem to care about Buck and his happiness. They’re taking this lie at face value and showering both him and Eddie with acceptance.

“Well, hey, it looked like we might have a first-timer?” Hen asks, turning to Eddie with a grin. “You want a lesson? On the house.”

Buck shakes his head. “Nah, I’ve got it handled. Thanks, though.”

“Alright. But if you change your mind, I’ll be around. It was nice meeting you, Eddie. I'll see you at the party?”

This is the first Eddie's hearing about any sort of party, but if Buck's going, he assumes he'll be there, too. So, he nods and confirms, "You will."

“Great. Bobby's Christmas Eve bash is always a lot of fun. I think you'll enjoy it.”

"Can't wait," he says honestly.

With that, Hen gives a little salute and skis away, making it look much easier than it really is.

“She seemed nice,” Eddie notes once the woman’s out of earshot, and Buck nods eagerly.

“Yeah, Hen’s the best. She’s sort of like a big sister. She and Maddie love to gang up on me whenever they’re together.”

Eddie chuckles. “Can’t wait to see that.”

“Hey, at least I have you this year. Maybe the two of us can gang up against them.”

“Yeah, no,” Eddie says with a shake of his head. “I don’t pick battles I can’t win, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned from growing up with two sisters, it’s that there are no battles you can win against a pair of girls.”

Buck frowns playfully at him. “I never took you for a coward, Eddie Diaz.”

“I’m not a coward,” Eddie scoffs. “I’m just a realist.”

“Mmm... If you say so.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, nodding toward the rope tow as he says, “Come on, let’s get back to our lesson. I need to be at least as good as that little girl by the time we finish today.”

“You might be aiming a little high there,” Buck teases as he digs his ski poles into the snow and pushes off toward the lift. “If you want to be realistic.”

“Sounds like my teacher might not be up to the task. Maybe we should call Hen back over here. I’m sure she could help me reach my goal.”

“Hen’s good, but she can’t work miracles.”

That gets a laugh out of Eddie as he follows along behind Buck, maneuvering awkwardly on his skis.

“Wow, you really know how to build up a guy’s confidence.”

Buck throws him a playful smirk over his shoulder. “Just trying to be realistic.”

They both grab hold of the rope tow, then, and smoothly glide back up to the top of the slope, where Buck turns to face Eddie with an eyebrow cocked in challenge.

“You think you’re ready to try something new?” he asks, and Eddie hesitates, glancing down the slope.

“Like what?”

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna make you do a backflip or something,” Buck laughs. “I just meant you could try some turns this time down.”

“Oh. Uh... Is that hard?”

Buck’s smile turns from teasing to gentle, then, and he uses one of his ski poles to lightly nudge the side of Eddie’s leg. 

“No, it’s not hard. And I’ll be with you the whole time, alright?”

And, oddly enough, that’s all the comfort Eddie needs. He trusts that nothing bad will happen to him as long as he has Buck by his side. Which he knows is an odd thing to think about someone he’s only properly known for about a day. But that seems to be the magic of Buck. There’s just something about the boy that makes him feel trustworthy. Safe.

Eddie returns Buck’s smile.

“Alright.”

Chapter Text

Eddie hasn’t laughed this much in years.

It turns out skiing is fun, once you get the hang of it. Though, he has a sneaking suspicion he wouldn’t be having half as good a time if Buck weren’t here beside him, cracking jokes and sharing fun facts about the sport. The boy just has a way of making Eddie feel like a kid again, freer to laugh and feel joy than he has in a very long time.

They’re still snickering and trading banter by the time they meet up with the rest of Buck’s family in the dining hall for dinner, hair slightly damp from the showers they took after coming in from the slopes. Maddie grins up at them as they approach the round table the Buckleys have claimed, and her voice is playful as she asks, “Did you boys have fun today?”

“Yeah!” Buck replies enthusiastically, him and Eddie claiming the last two empty seats between Maddie and Margaret. “It was great!”

“It really was,” Eddie agrees. “Buck’s a great teacher.”

For some reason, this earns him a scoff from Margaret.

“I find that hard to believe,” the woman says, casting a knowing glance at her husband, which the man returns. “Considering how terrible a student he is.”

Phillip nods in agreement. “It’s a miracle he managed to graduate high school.”

Buck’s smile drops, his excitement quickly morphing into humiliation, and a flash of fury zips through Eddie’s body, filling him with white-hot rage. Leave it to the Buckley parents to ruin a good day. It’s almost like it bothers them to see their son happy, which is incomprehensible to Eddie. His own child isn’t even born yet—is barely a few weeks old in Shannon’s womb—but he already knows their happiness is going to be his priority for the rest of his life.

“Well, clearly you don’t know your son as well as you think you do,” he snaps. “Because he’s an amazing teacher. And he’s smart as hell, which you’d realize if you gave being good parents a try and actually got to know him instead of just belittling him every chance you got.”

Both Margaret and Phillip’s eyes are wide, and Maddie ducks her head in an attempt to hide her smirk. Beside her, Doug simply cocks an eyebrow, thankfully staying quiet for once. And Buck...

Eddie’s afraid he might’ve crossed a line, considering he and the boy are still technically barely more than strangers, but after a moment Buck reaches out and takes his hand, lacing their fingers together and squeezing gently. Eddie squeezes back, then glares at the Buckley parents, daring either of them to argue against his accusation. They don’t, and soon enough the waiter arrives to take their orders off the limited menu, ever-so-slightly breaking the tension. What ensues is the most awkward, tense meal Eddie’s ever had in his life—even worse than the night before. Margaret and Phillip eventually try to fill the silence with small talk about inconsequential things, but even that drifts off after a few minutes, and the rest of dinner is spent in silence.

Just as everyone’s finishing up their meals, a small jazz band begins to set up on a stage at the front of the room. Eddie watches them with interest and is pleasantly surprised when they begin playing some fun, up-tempo swing music. He’s even more thrilled when guests begin making their way to the dance floor in front of the stage.

“Come on,” Eddie urges Buck, getting to his feet and tugging at the hand that's stayed linked with his all throughout dinner. “Let’s dance.”

Buck doesn’t budge, butt planted in his seat as he asks, “Are you serious?”

Eddie grins down at him. “Yeah. It’ll be fun.”

“Eddie, I don’t know how to dance.”

“Well, then, I guess it’s my turn to teach you something.”

Buck still seems skeptical, but after a moment he reluctantly stands and follows Eddie to the dance floor. Once they’ve claimed a spot, Eddie makes quick work of positioning the boy’s hands, setting one on his shoulder and holding the other. Then, he instructs, “Follow my lead.”

He goes with a simple swing pattern, guiding Buck to step to the side first with his right foot, then his left, and then back into a rock step, a mirror of Eddie’s own movements. Every muscle in Buck’s body is stiff, making each action stilted, but he slowly gets the hang of it the more they repeat the motion. Soon enough, what they’re doing could reasonably pass as dancing, and Buck lets loose a little disbelieving huff.

“How do you know how to do this?” he asks, eyes locked on his feet, brow furrowed adorably in concentration.

“You’re looking at one of El Paso’s champion ballroom dancers.”

Buck’s gaze shoots up to Eddie’s face in surprise, causing the boy to promptly trip over himself. He quickly returns his attention to his footwork as he asks, “Wait, really?”

“Yep. I was super into it, back when I was younger. Quit when I was fourteen, though.”

“Why?”

Eddie shrugs. “My parents kind of sucked the fun out of it for me. Made it all about winning trophies.”

Which is really only half the story. What he doesn’t share with Buck is the part where his dad all but implied that the only reason he was okay with Eddie participating in a “queer sport” like ballroom dancing was because Eddie was winning trophies. If Eddie hadn’t been winning—if he’d simply done it for the love of dancing—that would’ve been inexcusable. And when Eddie had finally decided to quit, tired of the pressure to win, he’d seen the obvious relief on his father’s face.

“Parents are good at that, huh? Sucking the fun out of things.”

Buck chances another glance up at Eddie and manages to keep the rhythm of their dancing this time, and when their eyes meet, it takes Eddie's breath away. Suddenly, he’s acutely aware of how close the two of them are. Which, duh. They’re dancing. Of course they’re close. That’s kind of the point. But Eddie... Well, he’s never danced with a boy before. And, he realizes, dancing with a boy feels very different than dancing with a girl. Not just physically—though it’s definitely strange to have a partner who’s taller and more muscular than him—but also emotionally. Because, wow. His heart’s skipping every other beat, and his palms are getting a little sweaty, and he sort of wishes he could close the distance between them and—

Whoa. No. No. Absolutely not.

Get it together, Diaz, he orders himself. It’s one thing to fantasize while staring at the back of Buck’s head in the middle of a lecture. It’s another thing entirely to let his mind wander there when they’re staring into each other’s eyes, less than a foot of distance between their faces. He has to keep this professional. This is a job. They’re putting on a show. He can’t let himself get swept up in this. Especially because, he reminds himself, he’s definitely not interested in Buck. Sure, the boy may not be the cocky, arrogant, egotistical guy Eddie had always thought he was, but still. That’s not what this is. And, he reminds himself for what feels like the millionth time, Buck is straight.

He will not be like Ana. Or, god forbid, Kim. He knows what this is.

“Thanks for standing up for me, by the way,” Buck continues, oblivious to the war raging inside Eddie’s head. “With my parents. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Yeah, I did,” Eddie says, forcing himself to snap out of his mental spiral. “Your parents are assholes.”

Buck shrugs. “They weren’t wrong, though. I do kind of suck at school.”

“So do a lot of people. Who cares? You’re still one of the smartest people I’ve ever met.”

“You, uh... You must not have met a lot of smart people, then.”

Eddie brings their dance to a screeching halt, tripping Buck up a little, but he doesn’t care. He needs to be able to get his point across without his or Buck’s attention being divided.

“Buck, you know so much about so many things,” he insists, ducking his head to keep Buck’s eyes on him when the boy tries to shyly glance away. “In one car ride, you taught me about the migration patterns of birds and weird state laws and the origins of football and...”

“Sure, but that’s all... It’s all useless information I Googled when I couldn’t sleep or something. None of it’s ever gonna get me a job, or...”

“You’re smart. And a great teacher. And funny, and kind, and... and you are a good student. I mean, look how fast you picked up on dancing! So just... Don’t cut yourself down, alright? Don’t let anything your parents say get under your skin. They don’t know you. Not really.”

“And you do?” Buck challenges, voice skeptical.

It’s not even a question in Eddie’s mind. “Yeah. I do. More than they do, anyway.”

The two of them stand there for a moment, gazes locked, Eddie refusing to look away first. Eventually, Buck breaks, ducking his head as he says, “Well... Thanks.”

Eddie simply smiles, getting them moving in their little four-step pattern again. Once they’re back in a rhythm, he asks, “You want to try something fun?”

“This isn’t fun?” Buck jokes.

“Not as fun as this.”

And, without any more warning, he raises his arm and guides Buck to spin under it. It isn’t graceful, Buck stumbling a bit, but it gets a laugh out of the boy, which had been Eddie’s intention. He’s done letting the Buckley parents sap the joy out of Buck. His new mission for this trip, he decides, is to keep that brilliantly bright smile in place. To keep that sparkle in those blue eyes.

They dance for about an hour, Eddie teaching Buck a few other moves as he grows more comfortable. He does step on Eddie’s toes several times, but even still, it’s one of the best nights Eddie’s had in years. And by the time they finally call it quits, out of breath and cheeks sore from smiling, Buck’s family is nowhere to be seen, their table long since abandoned.

Good, Eddie thinks. He doesn’t want anyone or anything to make that joy on Buck’s face disappear.

“We should probably head up to bed,” Buck suggests, downing what’s left of his glass of water from dinner. “My family likes to hit the slopes as early as possible.”

So, they make their way up to their room, and Eddie finds himself awestruck by the luxurious space all over again. He never in a million years thought he’d get the chance to stay somewhere like this. It’s absolutely nothing like the three-star hotels his family has stayed at in the past, making them look like shitty motels in comparison.

He and Buck take turns in the bathroom, brushing their teeth and changing into their pajamas, and soon enough they’re shutting off the lights and climbing into the monstrous bed, snuggled under a cozy white duvet. They lay in silence for a few minutes, an unnecessarily large amount space once again left between their bodies, and then Buck whispers, “I’m really glad you’re here, Eddie. I know I’m paying you to be, but... I don’t think I’ve ever had this much fun on one of these trips. I usually always end up on my own, you know? Bobby and the others, they try to keep me company, but they have to work, and Doug always does his best to keep Maddie away from me, so...”

“Hey. I’m glad I’m here, too,” Eddie says, reaching out for Buck’s hand like he had last night and twining their fingers together when he finds it. “And not just because I’m getting paid. I don’t know if I’ve ever had this much fun, either. Not in a long time, at least.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Turns out you’re not so bad, Buckley.”

Buck snorts. “Did you think I was, before?”

Eddie gives a sheepish shrug. “I might’ve misjudged you at first, yeah.”

“What’d you think of me?” Buck’s voice is genuinely curious, and he rolls onto his side to face Eddie, so Eddie does the same, keeping their hands held between them. He can barely see the blue of Buck’s eyes in the dark and a vague outline of the rest of the boy’s face.

“I guess I thought you were...” All the words Eddie’s ever used to describe Buck seem too harsh now, so he searches for another. Finally, he settles on, “...a little full of yourself.”

“Really? Why’d you think that?”

“It was the way you carried yourself,” Eddie admits. “Every time I saw you, you were puffing out your chest or walking with this sort of... swagger. And at every party I’d watch you jump from one girl to another, flirting with all of them with this smug look on your face.”

Buck’s quiet for a moment, and Eddie’s worried he’s hurt the boy’s feelings, until, “I only did those things when you were around.”

Eddie blinks once, startled. “What?”

“I wanted you to think I was cool,” Buck groans, flipping onto his back again and bringing his free arm up to drape over his eyes, like he’s trying to hide.

And that. Well. Eddie’s not really sure what to do with that information.

“Are you serious?”

Eddie thinks Buck nods, though it’s hard to tell. “You were so effortlessly confident, and I thought... I don’t know what I thought. That I could impress you? It was stupid. Obviously.”

For a moment, Eddie’s speechless. Then, without meaning to, he begins to laugh.

It’s a deep, sincere laugh, one that sort of makes his abs hurt and that he can’t stop once it’s started. It’s just... It’s absurd. Ridiculous. Impossible to believe. Buck did all that to impress Eddie? Why? What’s so great about Eddie?

“Okay, har har,” Buck grumbles, clearly not nearly as amused by this revelation.

Finally managing to get his laughter under control—though a few giggles still slip through despite himself—Eddie says, “Sorry. Sorry. I’m sorry. I just wasn’t expecting you to say... that.”

“I’m starting to wish I hadn’t.”

“I just don’t get it,” Eddie admits. “I don’t get how you thought I of all people was ‘effortlessly confident,’ and I don’t get why you thought acting like a jerk would make me like you.”

“You are effortlessly confident,” Buck insists, finally removing his arm from his eyes so he can turn his head to look at Eddie again. “Everyone loves you, and you don’t even have to try. I don’t know a single person who wouldn’t want to be your friend.”

“That’s definitely not true. And trust me, any confidence I have is not effortless.” In fact, it’s exactly the opposite. It’s a facade, a mask he puts up to hide his soft, gooey insides. The parts that’re fragile, that’ll earn him nothing but ridicule if anyone were to see them. He has to seem confident so no one suspects there’s anything he doesn’t want them to see. 

Buck scoffs. “Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure.”

“I’m serious. I mean, you literally watched me have a panic attack the first time we met your parents. Is that something a naturally confident guy would do?”

That seems to draw Buck up short. “Well... I guess...”

“Maybe,” Eddie suggests, “neither of us is who the other thought we were. Maybe we both had it sort of wrong.”

“Maybe,” Buck reluctantly agrees.

They’re both silent for a moment, and then Eddie says, “For what it’s worth, I like the version of you I’ve seen these past two days a lot more than the other one.”

“Yeah? Is this a version you think you could be friends with?” Buck’s voice is endearingly hopeful, and Eddie smiles.

“Definitely.”

He means it, too. In fact, he thinks he already sort of sees Buck as a friend, despite them only really knowing each other for a few short days. Maybe that’s what happens when two people spend every waking moment together, though. It’s sort of hard not to see someone as a friend after sharing laughs and making inside jokes and getting to see a side of them other people haven’t.

“What about me?” Eddie asks, suddenly feeling a little bashful. “Is this version of me someone you could be friends with?”

“I think I’d want to be friends with any version of you, Eddie.” Buck accentuates his point with a squeeze of their joined hands, and heat creeps up Eddie’s neck and into his cheeks.

For a moment, he considers testing Buck on that. He imagines saying the words, “Buck, I’m gay.” Just to see what the boy would do. He doesn’t imagine Buck would react poorly. He’s president of the GSA, after all. But there’s always a chance he might drop Eddie’s hand. Scooch farther away in the bed or get out of it completely. Stutter an apology and send Eddie packing.

Eddie, obviously, doesn’t risk this. Instead, he gives an exaggerated yawn and says, “Well, I’m beat. We’d better get some sleep if we don’t want Tutu Girl completely showing us up tomorrow.”

Buck huffs a laugh. “Showing us up? Don’t lump me in with you. I’m leagues above that little girl.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Eddie challenges, and Buck hums.

“Fine. I’ll show you exactly what I can do tomorrow.”

“Can’t wait.”

And he really can’t. Because, despite what he said, he does believe Buck’s an excellent skier. There’s no way he isn’t, after spending every single Christmas break here at the lodge. So, Eddie’s looking forward to seeing Buck’s skill a little more than he probably should be.

It’s with this in mind that Eddie drifts off to sleep, Buck’s hand still clutched in his. And if his dreams are filled with visions of a sweaty Evan Buckley, decked out in ski gear, pulling off his helmet to shake out his damp, tousled curls... Well, nobody needs to know.

Chapter Text

For the second time, Eddie wakes with Buck’s long limbs wrapped around him. And for the second time, Eddie wakes feeling more well-rested than he ever has in his life.

This time, however, he doesn’t manage to disentangle himself before Buck wakes up. In fact, what stirs Eddie into consciousness is Buck trying to carefully unwind his legs from Eddie’s without jostling him. Before it can occur to him to fake sleep so as not to embarrass the boy, Eddie’s eyes flutter open, and he finds himself looking up at Buck’s startled, flushed face.

“Sorry,” Buck whispers, his movements becoming more urgent as he tries to extricate himself. “I, uh... I didn’t mean...”

“Buck. It’s fine,” Eddie says, giving a lazy stretch that he hopes masks the flush quickly flooding his face. Buck seems stunned by Eddie’s nonchalance, but he stops fighting for his life and collapses down onto the mattress, instead.

“I’m a cuddler,” he admits.

“I noticed.”

He lets out a little half-hearted chuckle. “Abby used to hate it. She’d put a wall of pillows between us, sometimes.”

Eddie frowns. “Abby?”

“Oh. Professor Clark.”

And just like that, Eddie’s frown turns into a scowl.

“Well, she’s an idiot, then.” Anyone who doesn’t want to cuddle with Buck is an idiot. Which, Eddie already knew there was something deeply wrong with that woman, but this only confirms that. She had the chance to sleep wrapped in Buck’s arms every night and didn’t take advantage of it? Clearly, she was sick in the head.

Buck cocks an eyebrow. “She’s an idiot because she didn’t like me latching onto her like a leach in the middle of the night?”

“Not like a leach. You’re more like a... a koala. And yeah, only an idiot wouldn’t like that.”

He doesn’t realize how it sounds—what it implies—until Buck asks, “So you... like it?”

Eddie’s suddenly extremely aware of everywhere the two of them are still touching. Buck’s arm tucked under his back. Buck’s leg still twined with his. They’re so close he can even feel Buck’s breath dancing across his skin.

More heat floods Eddie’s cheeks, and he pointedly avoids meeting Buck’s eyes, which seem exceptionally blue this morning.

“I... I mean, it...”

God must really exist, and he must not hate Eddie, after all, because just then he’s saved from answering by a knock on the door. He all but throws himself out of bed, crossing the room in two seconds flat and flinging said door open with what he’s sure is a sort of manic look on his face. He finds Chimney standing on the other side, eyes wide and startled, pushing a cart laden with plates covered by fancy silver domes.

“Hey, Eddie,” the man greets, glancing past him to where Buck still lays in bed, also looking baffled by Eddie’s strange behavior. “Everything okay?”

“Great. Yeah, great. What’s up?” Eddie babbles.

Chimney hesitates for a moment, then gestures to his cart and asks, “You boys up for some breakfast?”

Buck grins and rolls out of bed, strolling over to stand beside Eddie, who’s trying his hardest not to look stiff and awkward. He’s not sure he’s succeeding.

“Oh, yeah,” the boy enthuses, eyeing the covered dishes eagerly. “What’s on the menu today?”

With a flourish, Chimney lifts one of the domes to reveal a plate of steaming food.

“Scrambled eggs, cheesy hashbrowns, and your choice of either bacon or sausage.”

“I’ll take bacon. How about you, Eddie?”

Buck and Chimney both look to Eddie, who, without thinking, announces, “I’m a sausage guy.”

Just kidding. Maybe God does hate him.

Chimney snorts, and Eddie can feel the blush that hasn’t left his cheeks now spreading into the rest of his face.

“I’ll bet you are,” the man jokes, and Buck immediately reaches out to smack him upside the head. Chimney yelps, and, with a glare, demands, “What was that for?”

“For being a creep. Now give us our food and get out of here.”

Grumbling something about Buck being ‘the mean Buckley sibling’, Chimney hands over two plates of food and then sulks off. Once he’s gone, Eddie and Buck take their breakfasts back to the bed, where they both sit against the headboard with an appropriate amount of space between them now.

“So, what’s on the agenda for today?” Eddie asks, desperate to keep the conversation as far away from cuddling or sausages as possible, moving forward. Buck shrugs, attention focused entirely on the eggs he’s shoveling into his mouth.

“Do you still want to see me ski a more advanced slope?”

Eddie nods. “Yeah, that’d be cool.”

“Okay. We can spend some time on the bunny hill again to start, and then I can do a few runs on a harder one.”

“Sounds good.”

They eat their breakfasts quickly, then brush their teeth and change into their ski gear. The more Eddie moves around, the more he notices a deep ache in muscles he didn’t even know existed, mostly in his legs. Apparently, skiing works the body out in different ways than baseball does. It isn’t anything he can’t push through, though, so he dutifully pulls on the many claustrophobic layers of insulating clothes and follows Buck out of their room once they’re both dressed.

Once again, the others are already huddled in the hallway, waiting for them. Margaret and Phillip won't meet Eddie’s eye, likely still upset about what he said to them last night, but he isn’t worried. He hopes they remember his words for the rest of their lives. He hopes they actually take the criticism and do something about it. Like, become better parents, preferably. He’s doubtful they will, but you never know.

The group makes their way out to the slopes in silence, and they part ways without a word when they reach the lifts to take Buck’s family up the mountain just like the day before. 

“Let’s start by reviewing what you learned yesterday,” Buck suggests as he and Eddie trudge over to the bunny hill. “Then we can work on going a little faster down the slope.”

So, that’s exactly what they do. Eddie snaps on his skis, rides up the pulley lift, and he and Buck spend the next hour practicing making their way down the gradual decline without Eddie making an idiot of himself. Buck praises him for “being such a quick learner”, and Eddie tries—and fails—not to preen over the complement. It’s all going great until, after another successful run, Buck suddenly announces, “I think you’re ready to move on to a beginner slope.”

Eddie pales. “What? Are you sure? You don’t think I should just... stay here for a while longer?”

“The bunny hill has taught you everything it can, Eddie,” Buck says solemnly, like some wise ski guru. “It’s time to take the next step.”

“But what if the next step ends with me having a broken neck?” Eddie worries, eyeing the real slopes warily.

“You’ll be fine. I’m gonna take you on the easiest beginner slope. It’s not much steeper than the bunny hill, there aren’t any obstacles or anything... It’s completely safe.”

Not entirely convinced but also not interested in looking like a wimp in front of Buck, Eddie gives a reluctant nod and follows the boy to one of the real ski lifts. The sight of it makes his stomach flip with nerves.

“How does this work, exactly?” he questions.

Buck points to a pair of people ahead of them who’re getting onto the lift.

“You’re gonna do exactly what they’re doing. Get into position, wait for the lift to come up behind you, sit down, and ride to the top. Once you’re up there, you get off and move out of the way. Simple.”

Yeah, right. Simple. So simple.

“What if I fall off?”

For a comically long moment, Buck’s silent. Then, he simply says, “Don’t do that.”

Great.

The two of them approach the lift, with Buck going first to demonstrate how it’s done. Thankfully, it all moves slowly, so it isn’t as nerve-wracking as Eddie had feared to get situated on the bench seat before it lifts his skis off the ground. In fact, the trip up is even sort of peaceful, like riding a Ferris wheel. It’s only when they reach the top of the slope that things go a little awry.

Buck, of course, hops off no problem, but Eddie fumbles a little with his poles and, as he stands, almost immediately loses his balance. To his credit, Buck tries to catch hold of him to keep him upright, but instead the momentum sends them both tumbling to the snowy ground in a heap of limbs, Eddie on top of Buck. For a moment, Eddie just lies there, drowning in humiliation. Then, beneath him, Buck’s chest starts to vibrate as the boy cackles with glee.

“Oh my god, that was great,” Buck says, and Eddie lifts his head to glare down at him.

“No, it wasn’t. It was embarrassing.”

Buck shrugs. “Hey, at least you didn’t panic and stay on all the way back down. That’s what I did my first time.”

“I think that would’ve been better,” Eddie huffs. It’s then that he realizes he’s still fully laying on top of Buck, other skiers and snowboarders maneuvering around them, casting them strange looks. Face burning, he rolls off the boy, trying unsuccessfully to get their skis untangled.

“Eddie, hold on. Hold on. Let me do it,” Buck offers, sitting up, a grin still stretched wide across his face. He makes quick work of unlatching their boots from the skis, allowing them both to get to their feet. Then, he offers Eddie’s skis back out to him, and Eddie takes them while averting his eyes.

Once they've got everything back on, Buck guides Eddie to the top of the slope and says, “We’re gonna do wide S turns all the way down, okay? Just like we did on the bunny hill.”

Eddie gives a nervous gulp and nods. “Okay.”

“Remember, keep your knees bent and your arms out in front of you, like you’re holding a steering wheel. And keep your weight forward.”

With that, Buck lets Eddie take the lead down the slope, calling out corrections or instructions every once in a while but otherwise quietly following behind him. The slope’s definitely much longer than the bunny hill, but it isn’t horribly steeper, and by about halfway down Eddie’s confidence is back up. He’d even say he had fun by the time he reaches the base.

“That was great, Eddie!” Buck praises, slapping Eddie on the back when he pulls to a stop beside him. “You’re a natural.”

Eddie smirks. “Well, like I’ve said: I have a great teacher.”

Buck’s smile turns shy, and he ducks his head to hide it. Then, he clears his throat and says, “Let’s go again.”

So, they do, and thankfully Eddie doesn’t embarrass himself on the ski lift after that first time. With each run, he finds himself growing more and more confident, until he’s gliding across the snow with practiced ease. His body still isn’t used to the toll skiing takes on it, though, and after a couple hours he finally has to tap out, sweaty and fatigued.

“I think I’ve reached my limit for today,” he admits, panting from their last run, and Buck gives an understanding nod.

“That’s alright. You want to watch me do a couple black diamond runs before we go to lunch?”

“Yeah. Sounds great.”

“Alright. Let’s get you set up in the viewing area, then.”

The viewing area, as it turns out, is a patio attached to the back of the resort, scattered with tables and a small cafe to purchase hot drinks at. It sits in the perfect position to get a good look at most of the slopes, so Eddie makes himself comfortable at an empty table, skis and poles propped up beside him, while Buck catches a ride on a lift. It’s easy to keep an eye on the boy thanks to the bright blue ski jacket he’s wearing, though he does eventually disappear as the lift carries him up to the top of the mountain. Unfortunately, Eddie will only be able to watch the end of his run, but it’ll still be fun to see.

It takes a few minutes, but eventually Eddie spots a speck of blue racing down the widest—and steepest—slope that cuts straight down the middle of the mountain, expertly avoiding other skiers and impressively sailing over jumps. He finally comes to a halt at the base of the slope and immediately turns toward where Eddie sits, giving an exaggerated, over-the-head wave. Amused, Eddie waves back and gives a thumbs up to demonstrate that he’s impressed, and he can see Buck’s beaming smile even from this far away. The boy then holds up his index finger, indicating he’s going to go one more time, and Eddie gives another thumbs up. Honestly, he would be content to sit here and watch Buck ski all day.

Unfortunately, Buck’s second run doesn’t go nearly as well as the first. It seems to start out fine, Buck a blue streak when he finally comes into view, his movements just as graceful and confident as they’d been the first time. It’s only when he lines up to make a jump that things go wrong. Some jerk on a snowboard comes out of nowhere, cutting in front of him to make the jump first. This seems to startle Buck, who overcorrects to avoid colliding with the snowboarder, and that sends him toppling to the ground in a flurry of powder and skis.

Eddie’s on his feet in an instant, straining to see if Buck’s okay. He expects the boy to sit up, maybe flash a thumbs up in Eddie’s direction, but he doesn’t do either of those things. Instead, he remains in a crumpled heap while the snowboarder finishes out their run, oblivious to what they’ve caused.

It turns out it’s hard to run in ski gear through a foot of snow, but not impossible. Eddie learns this as he abandons his skis and poles to race out to the slopes, his heavy boots and layers of clothing weighing him down but not stopping him. In fact, nothing can stop him. Not even a slippery, snow-covered slope with other skiers still making their way down. Eddie drops to all fours to scramble up the incline, digging his toes and hands into the snow to give him purchase, and makes it to Buck’s side in what feels like record time.

“Buck!” he shouts as he approaches. The boy’s sitting up now, at least, with his skis off and a fellow skier standing beside him, a phone pressed to her ear.

“Eddie?” Buck asks, looking bewildered to see Eddie hurrying toward him.

Eddie doesn’t stop to think, just drops to his knees once he reaches his friend and begins scanning his eyes down the boy's long body, searching for any sign of injury as he asks, “Are you okay?”

Rather than answering Eddie’s question, Buck furrows his brows and asks one of his own. “How’d you get up here?” 

“I climbed up. Seriously, Buck, are you hurt?”

He doesn’t get an answer from Buck, however. Instead, the woman on her phone meets Eddie’s eyes and explains, “He says his ankle hurts. I’m on the phone with ski patrol right now. They’re coming to get him.”

Immediately, Eddie’s eyes flick down to Buck’s feet. “Shit, is it broken? Which ankle?”

“I’m fine,” Buck grumbles, clearly embarrassed. “I think I just tweaked it. It’s nothing.”

Before Eddie can argue that or demand to see the damage, they’re approached by a boy on skis who’s dragging a long, orange sled in his wake. At the sight of him, Buck groans and flops back into the snow, burying his face in his gloved hands as he whines, “Of course it’s you.”

“Wow, Buck. I’m glad to see you, too,” the boy teases. He’s a handsome guy, probably around Eddie and Buck’s age—maybe a year or so younger—with brown skin and dark hair.

“If you make fun of me for this, I swear to god...” Buck threatens, and the boy holds one hand up in surrender, keeping the other on one of the two metal poles he’s using to haul the sled.

“I would never. I take my job very seriously, and I’d never tease a guest for eating shit not even a hundred yards from the end of a slope.”

The boy’s brown eyes sparkle with mirth, a poorly concealed smirk tugging at his lips.

Buck finally removes his hands from his face to glare at the boy. “I was sabotaged! Some idiot came out of nowhere and cut me off.”

“It’s true, I saw the whole thing,” Eddie confirms. “I was watching from the viewing area.”

The boy turns his attention to Eddie, then, eyebrows raised as he asks, “You were at the viewing area and made it here before me?”

“He climbed up the slope,” the woman supplies, and the boy’s eyebrows somehow go even higher.

“Really?” His eyes flick between Eddie and Buck, then. “Do you guys know each other?”

“I’m his boyfriend,” Eddie explains, at the same time as Buck says, “He’s my boyfriend.”

The boy’s jaw all but drops. “Wait, what? Are you joking? Since when are you gay?”

Eddie isn’t sure whether he needs to get defensive or not. The question itself sounds rude, but Buck doesn’t seem bothered by it, giving a loud snort.

“That’s not a very polite thing to ask someone, Ravi,” he chastises the boy, who frowns.

“I think it’s a fair question since I’ve been out to you forever and you’ve never mentioned this to me.”

Buck sits back up and throws his hands in the air. “It was a recent revelation, okay? Can we talk about this more after you get me off this mountain?”

This effectively gets the boy, Ravi, to drop the subject for the moment as he says, “Oh, shit, right. So, it’s your ankle? How bad’s it hurt?”

Turns out, not so bad that Buck can’t get settled on the sled by himself, though Eddie does hover at his side just in case he needs support. Once he’s secured in place by fabric straps, Ravi heads off down the slope with him in tow, and the woman skis away, too. This leaves Eddie to carefully make his way back down the mountain the way he came. It isn’t easy, but luckily Buck and Ravi are still at the foot of the slope by the time he gets there.

“No hospital, Rav. Seriously, I’m fine. It’s just twisted or sprained or something. Nothing a little ice won’t fix,” Buck’s arguing, arms stubbornly crossed, though any effect it might’ve had is lost since he’s still sitting in the fluorescent orange sled. Ravi, for his part, looks uncertain.

“You’re sure you don’t want to get it x-rayed just in case?”

“Positive.”

“You should probably get it checked out, Buck,” Eddie pipes up as he approaches, once again eyeing the boy’s ankles nervously. “What if something’s seriously wrong?”

Ravi bobbles his head in agreement. “Yeah. You should listen to your boyfriend.” There’s still a hint of betrayal in the way he says that last word.

“I think I’d know if something was seriously wrong,” Buck points out. “I’d be in a lot more pain if it was broken.”

“What if you’re, like, in shock?”

“I’m not ‘in shock’. I’m—”

But what he is, they never get to hear, because his argument is interrupted by Maddie’s worried voice calling out, “Evan?”

“Oh, great,” Buck mumbles. A moment later, Maddie and Doug appear, both apparently having just finished skiing a nearby slope. It takes Maddie less than a second to pop her skis off, and then she’s kneeling beside her brother, looking him over for injuries just like Eddie had.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” she demands of Buck, Eddie, and Ravi.

Buck sighs. “Mads, I’m fine, I promise. I fell on the slope and tweaked my ankle. That’s it.”

“He doesn’t want me to call an ambulance,” Ravi tattles, and Buck throws a glare at the boy.

“Because I’m fine.”

Doug steps forward, then, also having removed his skis, and says, “At least let me take a quick look at it.”

From anyone else, this would be a kind offer. A doctor willing to check his brother-in-law over to make sure he isn’t further injuring himself by neglecting to go to the hospital. But there’s something in the tone of the man’s voice—a hint of annoyance mixed with self-importance—that makes the gesture feel less than altruistic.

Still, after a moment of hesitation, Buck gives in, likely just to spare himself a trip in an ambulance. He removes his right boot and multiple layers of socks before offering the foot out to Doug, who carefully examines and prods at the clearly swollen ankle with the tips of his fingers. Buck winces a bit when the man manipulates his foot, but he isn’t crying out in unimaginable pain, which Eddie assumes is a good sign. After a long, tense moment, Doug finally shakes his head and announces, “I don’t think it’s broken.”

“I told you so,” Buck tells them all. “I’ve had enough broken bones in my life to know—”

“Oh, for goodness sake, what is going on?” Margaret Buckley’s shrill voice complains as she and her husband ski to a stop next to the ever-growing group surrounding Buck. Immediately, the boy shrinks in on himself, shoulders curling and head ducking in shame. The sight of it makes Eddie’s blood boil. Nothing and no one should ever dim Buck’s light like this.

Phillip gives a long-suffering sigh when he sees Buck sitting on the orange sled. “Really, Evan? Again?”

“I didn’t do it on purpose,” Buck tries to defend himself, though it comes out as barely more than a whisper.

“Of course you didn’t. You never do, do you?” Margaret scoffs. And Eddie... Well, now he’s pissed.

“This isn’t Buck’s fault,” he defends his friend. “Someone cut him off. He barely managed to avoid a collision.”

“Son, you don’t know Evan like we do,” Phillip says, condescending. “This is a pattern with him. He likes to hurt himself for attention. He’s probably upset his mother and I haven’t given him as big a reaction as he wanted for his little stunt with you, so now he’s done this.”

Eddie honestly can’t believe the words that just came out of the man’s mouth. How can a father be so... uncaring that their kid’s hurt? Even the thought of anything happening to Eddie’s unborn child makes him sick to his stomach.

“But I’m telling you, I saw what happened. Buck absolutely didn’t do it on purpose!”

He isn't sure why he’s bothering to argue with these people. They aren’t worth his time. He knows this. But it just... It frustrates him that two people can be so lucky as to have someone like Buck for a son and not appreciate him. More than that, they actively seem to dislike him, for some reason. Or, at least, they barely tolerate him. Which is completely unfathomable to Eddie.

Margaret huffs. “It’s always an ‘accident’ with him. And stop calling him that terrible nickname. His name is Evan, not ‘Buck’.”

“His name’s whatever he wants it to be,” Eddie snaps. “He told me he likes Buck, so that’s what I’m gonna call him.”

Probably sensing they’re mere seconds away from a repeat of dinner last night, Maddie finally steps in and suggests, “We should probably get Evan out of the cold and put some ice on that ankle. It looks pretty swollen.”

“I can pull him over to the resort so he doesn’t have to walk as far,” Ravi offers, but Buck shakes his head adamantly, tugging his ski boot back on, sans socks.

“I can get there myself.” And with that, he pushes himself to his feet, wincing when he puts weight on his bad ankle. Immediately, Eddie hurries to his side and slings one of the boy’s arms around his shoulders, providing support. For a moment, he thinks Buck might argue against the help, but instead the boy relents, leaning into Eddie.

Maddie takes up a position on Buck’s other side, ducking under her brother’s arm as well, giving him and Eddie a small smile, which Eddie returns. Then, the three of them make their way to the resort without a backwards glance, leaving the Buckley parents in their wake.

Chapter Text

The only way to describe what Buck does once they get him changed and settled in his and Eddie’s bed with his foot elevated and an ice pack—courtesy of Chimney—on his swollen ankle is “wallowing”. His sour mood is like a dark cloud hovering overhead as he stares forlornly into the middle distance, eyes big and sad, with his arms crossed and shoulders slouched. He doesn’t even really react as Maddie fusses over him, fluffing his pillows and getting him covered with the fur blanket adorning the end of their bed.

Once she’s content that her brother’s as comfortable as possible, Maddie pulls Eddie out into the hallway, a worried frown turning down her lips.

“Will you stay with him?” she requests. “I know this isn’t how you expected to spend your vacation, but—”

“I wasn’t planning on going anywhere,” Eddie reassures her. This immediately turns her frown into a grateful smile.

“Good. Okay. I’ll stop by to check in on him later. And I’ll have my phone on me, so give me a call if you guys need anything. Here, let me give you my number.”

Eddie hands over his phone, and she quickly adds herself as a contact before returning it to him.

“Make sure he keeps the foot elevated. And only ice it for fifteen to twenty minutes at a time.”

“Got it. Thanks, Maddie.”

Maddie shakes her head. “No, thank you. You’ve been so wonderful to him these past few days.”

“There’s nothing to thank me for,” Eddie insists. “I haven’t done anything special. I’m just... being his boyfriend.”

Fake boyfriend.

“Yeah, well. You’re a really good one. Evan’s lucky to have you.”

Eddie gives an awkward shrug, unsure what to say to that. He doesn’t really feel like he’s done anything special. Standing up for the boy seems like the bare minimum anyone could do.

“Can I ask you a question?” he asks rather than reply to Maddie’s compliment. She nods, so he says, “Why do you call him Evan? I get not picking fights with your parents like I’ve been, but why don’t you at least call him the name he prefers?”

Immediately, he worries he might’ve crossed a line as Maddie’s expression shifts back into a frown, but then she ducks her head and admits, “I guess it's because I’m a coward.”

“No, no, Maddie, I didn’t mean—” Eddie quickly starts to backtrack, but Maddie holds up a hand to stop him.

“I’m serious,” she insists, brown eyes wide and sad. “Things with my parents... My relationship with them has been tenuous pretty much my whole life. I’ve always done what I can to protect Ev—Buck, give him the love and care he deserves and doesn’t get from Mom and Dad, but... I’m scared of rocking the boat. Mom especially is... fragile. I know she doesn’t seem like it, but she is, and... I just don't know what to do. I don’t know how to keep everyone happy. And I know Buck deserves better than that, but I... I just don’t...”

Tears start to gather at her lash line, and, without thinking, Eddie reaches out to take her hand as he says, “Hey, I get it. I really do. Being an oldest child... There’s a lot of pressure to be everything for everyone all the time. I’m scared of standing up to my parents, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

This seems to comfort her a bit, and her shoulders, which had been tense before, relax now. She gives Eddie’s hand a gentle squeeze, then drops it.

“Thank you, Eddie. You’re a great guy.” Then, she sets her jaw and says, “I really am gonna try and do better by Buck, though. He deserves it.”

Eddie smiles. “Yeah. He does.”

With that, they part ways, Maddie heading out to the slopes while Eddie ducks back into his and Buck’s room, where the boy’s still sitting in the same position, eyes unseeing as they stare straight ahead at the black TV screen.

“How’s the ankle feeling? Want to take a break with the ice?” Eddie suggests, and his voice seems to startle Buck, like he hadn’t noticed Eddie enter.

“What? Oh. Uh... Yeah. Sure.”

So, Eddie grabs the ice pack off Buck’s ankle and tucks it away in the freezer in the kitchenette, so it’ll be ready for later. Then, he turns back around to face the boy and asks, “You want to watch a movie or something?”

“Eddie, you... you don’t have to stay here with me. I’m sure you’d rather do something more fun.”

“I really wouldn’t,” Eddie replies with a shrug. “I’m not sure I’d find anything here very fun if I wasn’t doing it with you.”

That seems to render Buck speechless, the boy’s mouth opening and closing a bit like a fish. Eddie takes advantage of this by quickly stripping down to his bottom layer of ski clothes—a black long underwear set he bought specifically for this trip—before climbing onto the bed and picking up the TV remote.

“So, what’re we watching?” he asks cheerfully.

“Eddie, I’m serious,” Buck insists, finally managing to find some words, and Eddie rolls his eyes.

“So am I. There’s literally nowhere else I’d rather be. I mean it.”

He fixes Buck with a meaningful look, hoping it gets across just how honest he’s being, and after a long moment, Buck finally relents. “Okay, fine. You pick the movie, though. I’m not trapping you in here with me and making you watch something you don’t want to.”

“I’m not trapped, Buck,” Eddie sighs, even as he turns the TV on and makes quick work of surfing through the available channels. Eventually, he finds one that’s playing one of his favorite movies of all time: The Sandlot. Glancing at Buck, he asks, “This alright?”

Buck shrugs. “Sure. Never seen it before.”

Eddie gapes at his friend, stunned. “You’ve never seen The Sandlot?”

“No. Should I have?”

“It’s... It’s a classic!” Eddie insists.

“We’re not a big movie family,” Buck admits with another shrug, this one sheepish. “I haven’t seen most ‘classics’.”

“Okay, then we’re definitely watching this. God, I can’t believe you’ve never seen it.”

The movie’s about ten minutes in already, so Eddie makes quick work of summarizing what they’ve missed so Buck isn’t lost. Then, they settle in to enjoy the show. Though, in the end, Eddie finds himself watching Buck more than the TV, scrutinizing the boy to try and tell exactly what he thinks of one of the most formative pieces of media from Eddie’s childhood.

An hour and a half later, when the credits roll, the first thing Buck says is, “So you definitely love this movie because it’s about baseball, right?”

His lips are quirked up in a teasing smile, and Eddie scoffs.

“No. I like it because it’s a well-told, touching story.” And because he’s had a crush on the character Benny since he was five, even if he hadn't known it at the time. Not that he plans on revealing that information to Buck.

“Uh-huh. Sure,” Buck mockingly agrees. “Whatever you say, baseball boy.”

“‘Baseball boy’?” Eddie echoes, playfully affronted. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Buck feigns innocence. “Nothing. Just that you play baseball. Which is true.”

Eddie narrows his eyes and hums skeptically.

“Whatever you say, football boy,” he retorts. Then, he rolls off the bed and makes his way to the freezer as he says, “We should probably ice your ankle again. You want to pick a movie this time?”

Buck doesn’t respond, and when Eddie turns back toward the bed, ice pack now in hand, he finds the boy staring at his own ankle, looking sullen again.

“I really didn’t do it on purpose,” he murmurs, and Eddie nods slowly as he gently puts the ice pack in place.

“I know you didn’t.” He hesitates, then asks, “Why do your parents think you did?”

“I used to. Hurt myself. To get their attention,” Buck admits after a long beat of silence. “It was... It was, uh, the only time my mom would... would take care of me, you know? Other than that, a lot of the time it was like I didn’t exist to her. Or like I was a nuisance she had to put up with. But when I was hurt, it was almost like...”

He trails off, and Eddie cocks his head, sitting back down on the bed. “Like what?”

“Like my parents... loved me.”

Buck’s words are like an arrow to Eddie’s heart, piercing him all the way through. The fact that the boy felt like he had to be hurt to matter to his parents... God.

It’s almost impressive, really. Every time Eddie thinks he couldn’t possibly loathe the Buckley parents more, they find a new way to push the limits of his hatred. If his child ever, ever questions whether he loves them or not, he’ll consider himself an absolute failure as a father. He can’t even imagine treating his baby like that. He would never. Not in a million billion years.

“Buck, I...” he starts, but honestly, what can he say to that? What could possibly make something like that better?

“I don’t do it anymore, though,” Buck insists, finally looking away from his ankle to fix Eddie with wide, earnest eyes. “Not since... Well. I just don’t do it anymore.”

Eddie thinks long and hard about how he wants to respond to that. In the end he settles on, “Good. Because your parents aren’t worth that. You deserve to be loved all the time, not just when you’re hurt.”

Buck nods, but Eddie isn’t sure it’s because the boy actually agrees with what he’s saying. It seems lackluster, not like he really means it. And that just won’t do. Eddie had promised himself he would keep a smile on Buck’s face during this trip, and right now there isn’t a smile in sight. So, he’s going to have to do something to rectify that.

“Do me a favor,” he requests, picking up the remote and handing it over to Buck. “I’m gonna run out for a second. Pick a movie while I’m gone, and I’ll be right back.”

“Where’re you going?” Buck asks with a frown, and Eddie just smirks at him.

“You’ll see. Pick a movie. And make it a good one.”

With that, he leaves a bewildered Buck behind as he ducks out of their suite and hurries down to the resort’s main level, where he’s sure he saw...

Yes. A shop. It’s mostly filled with ski gear for people to rent or buy, but sure enough, up by the counter, there’s a display of a bunch of different candies. They’re all fancy, expensive kinds—not a Hershey’s bar in sight—but Eddie makes do, snagging an armload of options and dumping them in front of the cashier, who blinks at him like he’s never seen a guy in long underwear buy a shit ton of gourmet candy before.

“Movie night,” he explains as he pulls out his debit card and pays for his haul.

When he returns to his and Buck’s room, he finds the boy halfheartedly flicking through channels, still looking downcast. He perks up when he spots Eddie, though, and his eyes spark with interest when he notices the paper shopping bag in Eddie’s hand.

“What’s that?”

With a flourish, Eddie dumps his haul out on the bed, and he grins as Buck’s whole face lights up with joy.

“Provisions, for our afternoon in. We should also order a bunch of room service and put it on your parents’ bill.”

That gets a delighted laugh out of Buck, who nods eagerly. “Yeah. Yeah, we should definitely do that.”

So, they do. They call down to the welcome desk and place an order for basically the entire lunch menu, and half an hour later Chimney’s knocking on their door with a cart full of food. He teases them about ordering enough to feed a small army, but he also helps them set out their own personal buffet on the dresser that sits beneath the TV. Once he’s gone, Eddie loads up two plates for himself and Buck, and then they settle in to watch what Buck’s picked out for them—The Fast and the Furious. They both cackle at and commentate on the crazy stunts pulled in the movie around mouths stuffed full of food, and by the time it ends they’ve moved on to taste testing all the candy Eddie bought.

“Ooh, this one’s really good,” Buck enthuses, holding out a bar of chocolate with soft caramel oozing from it for Eddie to try. Eddie takes a bite, and his eyes roll back into his head.

“Holy shit. That’s the best candy bar I’ve ever had.”

“I know, right?” Then, Buck gestures to the TV screen, where the credits are still rolling, and says, “Alright, be honest. Do you think you could ever drive like that?”

Eddie snorts. “Definitely not. I don’t even like driving 70 on the highway.”

“Really? Why not?”

“Driving makes me anxious,” he admits with an embarrassed shrug. “When I was a kid, my dad was away on a business trip and my mom went into labor with my sister, Adriana. I freaked out and tried to back my dad’s truck out of the garage so I could drive my mom to the hospital, but I was only, like, seven, so I couldn’t see anything and my feet barely reached the pedals. I ended up scraping the paint pretty bad along the whole side of the truck, and my dad lost it when he got home and saw the damage. I’ve hated driving ever since.”

“That sucks,” Buck says sympathetically. “You were just a kid, and you were trying to help. You shouldn’t have gotten in trouble for that.”

“Yeah, well, this is Ramon Diaz we’re talking about. The same man who pulled aside his ten-year-old son and told him it was time to step up and ‘be the man of the house’, so... My parents haven’t ever really had realistic expectations for me.”

Buck seems to consider this for a moment, a thoughtful frown tugging down his lips, and then he says, “Well, hey. If you ever need to get somewhere once we’re back in LA, you can call me for a ride. I’ve always liked driving.”

Eddie smiles. “Yeah?”

“Yeah! For me, driving’s always meant freedom, you know? I could hop in the car and get far away from my parents, even if it was just for a while.”

“Do you think you could drive like that, then?” Eddie asks, pointing at the TV, and Buck puts on the cocky expression Eddie used to hate. Now, though, he can tell it isn’t real. That the boy’s joking around. And that makes it sort of... endearing.

“Oh, for sure. I’d be just like Vin Diesel’s character.”

That startles a laugh out of Eddie, who chortles, “Sure. Okay.”

“What, you don’t think I would be?” Buck asks, playfully affronted.

“No, no, I definitely do. For sure.” Eddie smirks, and Buck rolls his eyes.

“Whatever. Come on, you pick the next movie.”

This is how they pass the rest of the afternoon and into the evening, taking turns choosing a movie and learning a bit more about each other in the process. Eddie decides on Step Up as their next watch and shares some stories about his time as a ballroom dancer, and Buck puts on Top Gun and reveals that his own nickname was given to him as a high school freshman by a senior on his football team who was also named Evan.

“He insisted it would be too confusing if there were two Evans,” Buck chuckles, fidgeting absentmindedly with a peach ring. “And when he graduated, I decided to keep it because I liked that it made me feel like I could be my own person, you know? Like I didn’t have to be who my parents wanted me to be. I could choose my own name, and I could choose my own path.”

That makes perfect sense to Eddie, who nods. “I think it suits you.”

He picks the new West Side Story to watch after that, enjoying the opportunity to teach Buck some Spanish words and phrases, and Buck chooses some cheesy Hallmark Christmas movie to round them out. By then, it’s close to midnight, and their sugar high is quickly turning into a sugar crash, their candy stash having long since been depleted. This means they’re tired, and that means Eddie’s brain to mouth filter isn’t working at full capacity, which is maybe why, completely out of nowhere, he interrupts the movie by asking Buck, “What made you decide to join the GSA?”

Buck, who’s been watching the TV with half-lidded eyes, gives a slow blink and turns his head to look at Eddie as he says, “Huh?”

“What made you decide to join the GSA?” Eddie repeats. “I know it’s supposed to be the Gay Straight Alliance or whatever, but... Why’d you join?”

It takes a while for Buck to answer, and Eddie isn’t sure if that’s because he’s deciding how to explain his reasoning or because his brain’s feeling sluggish.

“I guess... I’ve always considered myself an ally,” Buck finally says. “Like, I post a pride flag on Instagram every June, and I’m friends with a lot of gay people—Hen and Karen, Ravi, Athena’s ex-husband Michael—but I figured it might be nice to join the GSA and be a more active ally. You know, use my privilege for good or whatever.”

Eddie nods. “And how’d you end up as president?” 

To his surprise, that makes Buck snort. “Well, I’m one of, like, five people who actually show up to every single meeting. And when we were voting for club leaders, no one wanted to be president. Like, not a single person nominated themselves. So, Kayla nominated me, and the vote was unanimous. I tried to turn it down, because, you know, I’m not... Anyway, everyone begged me to keep the position, so I did.”

Huh. That wasn’t the story Eddie had expected. He’d always imagined that Buck nominated himself and stole the role from someone more deserving. He should’ve known better, though, especially now. The person he’s befriended over these past few days would never do something like that. He just wouldn’t.

They fall silent again after that, returning their attention to the movie. It’s only when they reach the romantic climax of the film, where the two leads finally give in to their chemistry and share a passionate—but PG-rated—kiss, that Buck speaks again.

“You know...” he starts, keeping his eyes fixed straight ahead on the TV, “...we haven’t, um... we haven’t really done much to sell our relationship to my parents. I think they still suspect this... us... is fake.”

Eddie nods slowly, casting a sideways glance at the boy. “Yeah? Do you want to amp it up a little tomorrow?”

“Maybe. But... But maybe we should... practice? So... So it looks real. Right? Otherwise, it might be awkward, and then they’ll know for sure we’ve never done anything before...”

Buck’s still refusing to meet Eddie’s eye, his face quickly turning red, and Eddie... Well, his stomach’s suddenly doing backflips and front flips and cartwheels. Because, sure, he’d known physical affection was likely going to be a part of this. They’d discussed the possibility that day at the coffee shop, after all. But that was before. Before he really knew Buck. Before he considered Buck his friend. Back then, he thought he was going to be kissing some arrogant football jock. A hot arrogant football jock, sure, but still. Things are different now. Now, he... He feels... He wants...

“If... If you want to,” he manages to say, an embarrassing wobble to his voice.

“I mean, if you’re not comfortable...” Buck quickly backtracks, finally turning to look at Eddie, eyes wide and slightly panicked.

Eddie shakes his head. “No, no, I... I told you, this is... It’s what I do. I’m fine with it if you are.”

“Right. Okay. Then... Then I think we should practice.”

“Okay. Uh... Great.”

Neither of them moves, both just sitting there, staring at each other. Finally, Eddie decides he’s going to have to be the one to do it, so he shifts a bit to give them a better angle without disturbing Buck’s injured ankle and brings a hand up to gently cup the boy’s cheek. It’s a strange sensation, the skin there slightly rougher than any girl’s face he’s ever touched and covered with stubble that’s grown in since the last time Buck shaved, but it’s not unpleasant. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite of that. It’s thrilling.

This is going to be my first kiss with a boy, Eddie suddenly realizes. He isn’t sure how the thought had never occurred to him until now, but... Well. He can’t say he’s disappointed that it’s about to be with Buck. He just wishes it was real. 

“You’re sure you’re okay with this?” he clarifies before he makes another move, searching Buck’s blue eyes for any sign that the boy’s having second thoughts, but he doesn’t find it. Instead, he thinks he sees some determination, and something else he can’t quite place. Something soft and bright.

“Yeah,” Buck breathes.

So, Eddie wets his lips, and then, slowly, he leans in.

The kiss is soft at first. Gentle. Barely a whisper. But, God, does it make Eddie’s blood hum in his veins. All he can think about, over and over, is: I’m kissing Buck. I’m kissing Buck. I’m kissing Buck. And that thought alone sets his whole body on fire.

He plans to pull back after a few seconds, to gauge Buck’s reaction and make sure the boy isn’t uncomfortable, but then a large hand is suddenly on the back of his head, fingers tangling in his hair as it pulls him in closer, deepening their kiss. Eddie lets out a startled gasp as Buck’s lips begin to work against his, and, of its own accord, his hand drops from Buck’s cheek to the boy’s neck, clinging to it for dear life.

And, really, this should be where they cut things off. They likely won’t do anything more than this in front of Buck’s family. But then Buck’s tongue is there, brushing at the seam of Eddie’s lips, seeking entry, and... Well. Eddie is a weak, weak man.

He lets the boy in and, God help him, moans. He can’t help it. Buck tastes like candy and something indescribably wonderful that’s just him, and Eddie swears he’s died and gone to heaven. And he wants more. More, more, more. He’s hungry for it. Ravenous. His own tongue dares to explore Buck’s mouth in return, and fuck, he never knew kissing could be like this. Could feel like this. So good that he never wants it to end. In fact, if this was how he died—kissing Buck, never coming up for air or food or water—he would do so happily.

But he can’t, because... because, fuck. Buck’s straight. He’s straight, and this was only supposed to be for practice. To make sure they would both be comfortable if the opportunity arose to further “prove” their relationship to Buck’s parents. This is... This is going too far. They’re both tired, and it’s been an emotional day, and Buck is definitely going to regret this if they keep going. So, despite everything inside of him screaming not to, Eddie finally breaks off their kiss, though he can’t bring himself to go too far. He rests his forehead against the other boy’s, panting, his eyes still squeezed shut.

“Wow,” Buck huffs, breath ghosting across Eddie’s chin. “That was, um...”

“Yeah. I’m sorry,” Eddie says, face burning with shame. He shouldn’t have let it get out of control like that. He shouldn’t have let himself enjoy it. He feels almost... dirty. Like he took advantage of Buck, though that of course had never been his intention. But Buck doesn’t know that Eddie’s gay. He doesn’t know that Eddie wants...

“Wh... Why are you sorry?”

Eddie sighs, drawing back from Buck, eyes downcast. “Just... If that made you uncomfortable, I—”

“Whoa, no, Eddie. I... I’m definitely not uncomfortable. I promise,” Buck insists. In his periphery, Eddie can see the boy trying to meet his eye, but he keeps his gaze averted.

“That just... got a little out of control, and...”

“Hey, I told you, it takes a lot to make me uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, but—”

Buck shakes his head. “Seriously, Eddie. I’m fine. But are... Are you?”

This startles Eddie enough to finally get him to look at Buck, eyes wide.

“What?”

“Are you okay with what just happened? Did I make you uncomfortable?”

The boy looks genuinely worried that this is the case, which is hilarious, because if he only knew the truth...

“No, Buck,” Eddie reassures him with another sigh. “You didn’t make me uncomfortable.”

“You’re sure?” Buck asks, expression skeptical.

“Positive.”

The opposite, Eddie thinks. You just turned my entire world upside down. I’m never going to be the same after that kiss.

“We should probably, uh... probably get some sleep,” he suggests, rolling off the bed and starting to gather the candy wrappers scattered across the duvet so they can crawl underneath it. “You want the bathroom first?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure.”

Carefully, Buck swings his legs over the edge of the bed and stands, putting as little weight on his injured foot as possible. He’s done this a few times now to go to the bathroom between movies, so Eddie isn’t too worried about him getting there by himself. Still, he keeps an eye on the boy until he’s made it to his destination and shut the door behind him.

Once he’s finally alone, Eddie instantly deflates. Despite what Buck said, there’s no way he wasn’t made uncomfortable by their kiss. It’s also hard to believe Buck hasn’t figured out that Eddie isn’t exactly straight. That kiss had been too revealing, right? Eddie’d been too eager. There’s no way Buck doesn’t know now, or at least suspect...

Unsure what else to do, Eddie snatches up his phone from the nightstand and texts Shannon:

Eddie: SOS

Her response comes quickly.

BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): ???
BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): What’s wrong???

Eddie: I kissed Buck.

BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): WHAT?
BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): Wait, like in a fake dating kind of way or in a real kind of way?????

Eddie: We were supposed to be practicing so we can do it in front of his parents, but it got intense.

BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): What do you mean intense?
BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): Also, since when do you practice that?

Eddie: Buck suggested it. I think he was nervous to kiss a boy. And then I made it weird by being more into it than I should’ve.

BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): Did Buck say you made him uncomfortable?

Eddie: No, but there’s no way I didn’t.
Eddie: It was a lot. There was tongue. And stuff.

BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): And stuff.
BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): Okay
BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): Should I be worried you’ve gotten someone else pregnant out of wedlock?

Eddie glares at his phone like Shannon can see him.

Eddie: That’s not funny. I’m being serious. I think I fucked this up.

BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): Okay, calm down. It takes two to tango.
BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): The only way it could’ve gotten “intense” is if Buck was going along with it, right?

She has a point, Eddie guesses. Buck was the one who’d deepened the kiss, and who’d stuck his tongue in Eddie’s mouth. But still. He’d probably just gotten wrapped up in the whole thing, been running on muscle memory. And he didn’t know that Eddie’s gay. Maybe he wouldn’t have done those things if he’d known.

Eddie: He thought we were just practicing, though. He didn’t realize I was into it.
Eddie: I feel like a creep.

BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): I think you’re overthinking this.
BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): He was probably into it too.
BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): Straight guys don’t kiss other guys like that.

Eddie: He’s told me he’s straight, Shan.

BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): People lie, Eddie. 
BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): Also, you thought you were straight for 19 years.
BFF4EAE 😘 (Shannon): If you’re so worried about it, tell him the truth before you do anything else and see what he says.

At that moment, Buck emerges from the bathroom, and Eddie quickly slams his phone back down on the nightstand, facedown. This earns him a funny look, but he just forces a smile and asks, “All good?”

“Yeah...” Buck says, still eyeing him curiously. “You?”

“Yep!” His response is too upbeat, a little manic. “All good!”

With that, he slips past Buck and into the bathroom, all but slamming the door behind him. Then, he braces himself on the sink and takes a few calming breaths, his head ducked. He’s fine. Everything’s fine. He doesn’t have to take Shannon’s advice. He doesn’t have to tell Buck anything. He just has to make sure nothing like this happens again. Any and all kissing from this point forward will be strictly professional. He can keep his emotions in check. He can.

If only Buck were the person Eddie had thought he was before all this. It would make everything so much easier. Instead, he’s... He’s great. Amazing, even. Sweet, and kind, and funny, and loyal...

With a sigh, Eddie glances up, meeting his own eyes in the mirror. And it’s in them that he sees the horrifying truth.

Without even realizing it, he’s been falling in love with Evan Buckley.

Fuck.

Chapter Text

It’s one thing to wake up in Buck’s arms when Eddie’s blissfully unaware of his feelings for the boy. It’s another thing entirely when he’s painfully aware of them.

His body wants nothing more than to lay here and bask in the moment. In the feeling of strong arms wrapped around him and a firm chest pressed against his back. But he can’t. It’s wrong. Wrong to take advantage of this when Buck doesn’t feel the same way—will never feel the same way. So, with extra care not to jostle Buck’s injured ankle, Eddie frees himself and slips into the bathroom to splash some water on his face and pull himself together.

By the time he emerges, Buck’s waking up, stretching languidly as he blinks his eyes open.

“Hey,” he mumbles around a yawn when he spots Eddie standing across the room.

“Hey,” Eddie replies, trying his damnedest to act normal and not like someone who just realized last night that they’re falling for their new, straight friend.

“Sleep alright?”

“Uh, yeah.” Of course I did. You were holding me all night. I’ve never slept better. “How’s your ankle?”

Buck frowns, then flips the duvet off his legs so he can look at his injured foot, moving it around experimentally. After a moment, he says, “It feels pretty good, actually. Better than yesterday, for sure. Still aches a little, but it’s really not too bad.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah. Don’t think I’ll be skiing for at least the next few days, though.”

Eddie shrugs. “I’m sure there’s other stuff for us to do, right?”

In the blink of an eye, Buck’s expression shifts, a frown turning down his lips as he averts his gaze. He doesn’t answer Eddie’s question, and, confused, Eddie prompts, “What’s wrong?

“Nothing, just...” Buck glances back up at Eddie, worrying his lower lip between his teeth before he asks, “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather do something more interesting than hang out with me? Hen could give you more ski lessons, or I’m sure Maddie wouldn’t mind sticking with you on the beginner slopes, or—”

“Buck, I don’t give a fuck about skiing. I told you yesterday, I want to hang out with you, no matter what we end up doing.”

Sure, it would be easier for Eddie if he could just avoid Buck for the rest of the trip. Then he wouldn’t have to face his terribly inconvenient feelings head-on. But he would never choose to leave Buck alone. The boy deserves better than that. He deserves a friend to stick by him. So, that's what Eddie will be. A friend.

Buck doesn’t look convinced by Eddie’s reassurances, but he doesn’t argue. Instead, he suggests, “We could go to the resort’s spa, then. Get some massages and stuff. If you’re into that, I mean.”

“I’ve never gotten a massage before,” Eddie admits. He’s sure his dad would scoff at the idea of a man going for a massage. In his father’s eyes, that sort of pampering’s only meant for women, and any man who indulges isn’t really a man at all.

“Oh, it’s great. You’ll love it,” Buck enthuses. “You’ll feel like a whole new person when they’re done with you.”

That... sounds really nice, actually. And Eddie’s dad isn’t here to ridicule him for it, so...

“Okay. Let’s do that, then.”

Chimney drops off their breakfasts again as they’re getting ready—their choice between waffles, pancakes, or French toast with a side of fresh fruit this time—and as they eat Buck calls the spa to schedule their massages. Eddie assumes it’ll be hard to get an appointment so last-minute, but whoever Buck’s talking to must really like him, because once he hangs up, he announces, “They said they can squeeze us in in an hour.”

That gives them enough time to enjoy their breakfasts before heading to the spa, which Eddie learns is tucked away in the basement of the resort. The modern log cabin theme follows them down, everything made of stone or dark wood just like the rest of the building, with exposed beams lining the walls and ceiling and another crackling fireplace situated behind the front desk. The place definitely doesn't smell outdoorsy, though. That part very much screams “spa”, the heavy scent of incense hanging in the air.

The moment they pass through the glass doors separating the spa from the stairwell, they’re greeted by a delighted cry.

“Buckaroo!” a short, black woman with a round face and motherly smile exclaims, hurrying out from behind the front desk to pull Buck into a tight hug. “How’ve you been, sweetie?”

“Hey, Carla. I’m good. How about you?” Buck answers, beaming.

“Oh, I’ve been just fine. Better now that you’ve come to visit me, though.” The woman—Carla—finally releases him and looks to Eddie as she takes a step back. “And who’s this handsome young man?”

“My boyfriend, Eddie.”

Eddie offers out a hand. “Nice to meet you.”

Carla ignores his hand completely and goes in for a hug instead, squeezing him so tight he can hardly breathe. He awkwardly wraps his arms around her to return the embrace as she says, “It’s so nice to meet you, too, baby.”

Once she ends the hug, Buck reaches out and takes Eddie’s hand as he says, “I’m excited for Eddie to experience one of your life-changing massages.”

“Oh, he won’t know what hit him,” Carla promises with a wink, and Eddie nervously glances at Buck.

“Should I be scared?” he asks, only half-joking.

Buck shakes his head. “Carla’s the absolute best masseuse around.”

“I resent that,” a man with short brown hair and a clean-shaven face speaks up as he joins them in the lobby. He and Carla are wearing the same uniform, a set of black scrubs with the resort’s logo on the left breast. “I’m at least just as good as Carla.”

“You’re alright,” Buck says dismissively, and the man quirks an eyebrow at him.

“I’m working on you today, aren’t I? I can make you regret that.”

“Josh,” Carla scolds, but there’s no real heat behind it, the frown she casts the man playful. “Is that any way to speak to our favorite customer?”

Josh smirks. “Speak for yourself. Buck isn’t my favorite customer.”

That earns him a light smack on the arm from Carla, who then gestures for Buck and Eddie to follow her as she says, “Come on, you two, let’s get you changed so we can get this show on the road.”

“Wait, I thought this was a couple’s massage. Who’s this?” Josh asks, frowning curiously at Eddie as they all head through an archway that leads deeper into the spa.

Buck, still holding Eddie’s hand—which Eddie’s trying very hard to be normal about, because, he reminds himself, this is all part of the act and not for any other reason—smirks at Josh and proudly announces, “My boyfriend.”

Josh’s jaw drops. “I’m sorry, your what?”

“You heard me right. My boyfriend. Eddie.”

“You’re joking. You finally figured it out?”

That stops Buck in his tracks, inadvertently yanking Eddie to a halt as well, but he doesn’t seem to notice as he demands, “Figured what out?”

“That you like men! Damnit, now I owe Maddie fifty bucks.”

“You bet on me?” Buck sputters, eyes wide. Josh gives an unapologetic shrug.

“I thought I had it in the bag, too.”

“Wait, but how did you know I liked men if I didn’t even know?”

Josh taps his temple with his index finger. “Gaydar, baby. It’s never wrong.”

Eddie fights back a snort. If only Josh knew.

For some reason, Buck looks troubled by all this. Maybe it’s starting to bother him that people actually think he’s gay. Not only that, but they’ve been betting on him being gay. As a straight guy—even an ally like Buck—that's probably a little disorienting. Maybe even upsetting. Hell, Eddie isn’t sure how he’d feel if he found out people were betting on him being gay, and he actually is.

“Alright, come on, boys,” Carla sighs fondly, waving them forward. “We’ve got to get going if you want your full appointment time.”

She guides them into a small room where they can change, instructing them to get undressed and gesturing to two white towels folded on a wooden bench to use to cover themselves. Then, she ducks out and shuts the door behind her. As soon as she’s gone, Buck starts pulling his grey hoodie over his head, but Eddie hesitates.

“Are we getting, like... completely naked?” he asks, and Buck smirks.

“I mean, you can, but I usually leave my underwear on.”

Eddie lets out a relieved huff of air. “Okay. Cool.”

He does just that, stripping down to his boxer briefs as Buck does the same beside him. He tries his best to keep his eyes off his friend’s nearly-naked, muscular body, but that isn’t an easy task simply because there’s so much of Buck. It feels like everywhere Eddie averts his gaze to, there’s another mouthwatering bicep or deltoid or quad there, taunting him.

Once they’re both ready, towels tied around their waists and belongings stashed in cubbies mounted to one of the walls, Eddie follows Buck to a dimly lit room with two massage tables in the center of it. Carla and Josh are waiting for them inside, and Buck demonstrates for Eddie how to situate himself on one of the tables. There’s a hole to rest his face in and a spot beneath the hole to rest his arms. It’s actually really comfortable, and he sort of wishes beds were built like this so he could sleep on his stomach without throwing his back out.

“Alright, sweetie, I’m gonna start with medium pressure, and you can tell me if you want me to go harder or softer, alright?” Carla tells Eddie, who nods.

“Okay.”

“Josh, you already know how I like it,” Buck says, and Josh snorts.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Now shut up and relax.”

The massage starts with Eddie’s back, and it only takes a few seconds for him to prompt, “You can go a lot harder, Carla.”

The woman chuckles. “I could already tell I needed to go harder. You’ve got some knots in this back, child!”

“Yeah,” Eddie says with an awkward laugh. “I’m kind of a tense guy.”

“This is beyond tense. Your knots have knots. Buck, baby, you’ve got to get your man to loosen up.”

“Hey, I’ve been pretty loose this whole trip,” Eddie playfully defends himself. Buck lets out a skeptical hum in response, and Eddie lifts his head to frown at the boy. “What, you don’t think I’ve been?” 

Buck shrugs, still lying face-down. There’s a smile in his voice as he says, “You weren’t very loose while you were learning to ski. And you’ve picked a fight with my parents twice now.”

Which is... a fair observation. Maybe Eddie hasn’t been as “loose” as he thought. In fact, maybe he doesn’t know how to be loose at all.

“Wait, you’ve picked fights with the Buckleys?” Josh asks, giving Eddie an appreciative look. “Brave man.”

Eddie huffs and settles his face back down into the hole. “They deserved it.”

“No doubt. Those people are a piece of work.”

“Josh,” Carla warns, voice actually stern this time, but Buck just laughs.

“No, he’s right. They really are a piece of work.”

Suddenly, what feels like Carla’s elbow is digging deep into the muscles of Eddie’s back, and he barely manages to fight back a groan of pleasure. It hurts, but in a way that also feels so damn good. As she works at a particularly stubborn knot, she says, “Well, don’t you worry, Eddie. We’re gonna get you feeling brand new.”

And she really does deliver on that promise. Once she’s done with his back, she moves on to the back of his legs, and then the front, and then his arms and neck and finally his scalp. By the end, he’s the most at peace and relaxed that he’s ever felt in his life. It’s like he doesn’t have a care in the world. No sexuality he’s keeping a secret from everyone. No homophobic parents he constantly feels pressure to please. No unplanned pregnancy with his best friend...

His best friend, who’s at home dealing with said unplanned pregnancy all by herself while Eddie’s here, enjoying a relaxing massage.

It turns out Eddie really doesn’t know how to be loose, because that thought is all it takes to tense him right back up again, guilt clawing at his stomach. Sure, the whole reason he’s here is to earn money for the baby, but that doesn’t change the fact that Shannon is the one who’s growing a whole human inside of her. She’s the one who should be being pampered, not him.

And, God. He was blowing up her phone last night, freaking out about kissing Buck. She must’ve thought he was such an insensitive idiot. What a stupid, small problem compared to what she’s probably going through right now. Like, morning sickness. She was beginning to struggle with that right before Eddie left for this trip. Is she still dealing with that? Has it gotten worse? He hadn’t even thought to ask until this very moment.

With these concerns swirling around in his head, his good mood’s shot. He does his best to hide it from everyone, but, unfortunately, Buck’s astute and picks up on the shift in Eddie’s emotions the second he gets a good look at his face.

“What’s wrong?” the boy asks as they’re changing back into their clothes. He’s wearing a concerned frown, trying to meet Eddie’s eyes, but Eddie simply gives a noncommittal shrug and looks away. What’s he supposed to say? That he’s drowning in guilt over the fact that, by some weird twist of fate or cosmic joke, he’s here, being paid to eat fancy meals and go skiing and get massages while Shannon’s stuck dealing with the repercussions of a pregnancy he’s directly responsible for? No. He has no intention of telling Buck about the pregnancy—at least, not while they’re here on this trip. Maybe after everything’s said and done, if they wind up staying friends. But for now, the baby’s something he wants to keep close to his chest.

So, what he winds up saying is, “Just not feeling great.”

Buck’s frown deepens at that. “Are you lightheaded? Massages can sometimes make you feel woozy for a few minutes after they’re done.”

“Yeah, that’s probably it,” Eddie lies, grateful for the excuse. “I’ll be fine. Could probably just use some fresh air.”

Which isn’t completely untrue. The incense is really starting to get to him, and he’d very much like to be free of it. It reminds him a bit too much of Sunday mornings spent at Catholic mass. Of sitting in a pew with his family and desperately trying to “pray the gay away,” before he even fully understood that was what he was doing.

“Let’s go get some lunch,” Buck suggests. “Maybe that’ll make you feel better.”

It’s a little early for lunch, but Eddie doesn’t argue. Anything to get him out of here and away from the guilt clawing at his chest.

He follows Buck back out to the spa’s lobby, and they thank Carla and Josh for their time before heading upstairs to the dining hall. Luckily, Buck’s family isn’t there, likely still out on the slopes this morning, so Buck and Eddie have a table all to themselves. Buck tries his best to cheer Eddie up by sharing some funny stories about Josh while they wait to place their order, and Eddie tries his best to muster as convincing a smile as possible, but neither of them is very successful.

Luckily, they’re rescued from the awkwardness not by a waiter, but by Bobby, who approaches their table wearing a concerned expression as he says, “Buck, I heard about your accident yesterday. How’re you feeling, kid?”

Buck shrugs. “Better. The swelling’s gone down, and it doesn’t hurt too bad.”

“You’re taking it easy, I hope?” The look Bobby gives Buck implies he knows the boy too well to believe that’s true.

“He is,” Eddie reassures the man. “We had a movie night last night, and we just went and got massages this morning.”

That brings a smile to Bobby’s face. “Good. We don’t want you injuring yourself any more. You’ve got to be all healed up and rested for the staff Christmas party.”

“Trust me, I wouldn’t miss the party for anything,” Buck says. “I’ve gotta introduce everyone to Eddie!”

“I’m sure they’ll all be excited to meet him.”

“There’re more people I haven’t met?” Eddie asks, floored, and Buck nods eagerly.

“Well, yeah! You’ve gotta meet Hen’s wife, Karen, and their son, Denny. And Athena’s ex-husband, Michael, and his husband, David, and Athena and Michael’s kids, May and Harry. And then there’s Bobby’s ex-wife, Marcy, and their kids, Junior and Brooke—”

“Alright, Buck, I think he gets it,” Bobby chuckles. Then, to Eddie, he explains, “We’re kind of like one big family here at the resort.”

“That’s great,” Eddie says sincerely. He’d already figured out that these people were like family to Buck, but it’s nice to know they’re all family to each other, too.

Bobby takes a seat across from them, then, and asks Buck, “Will your sister be joining us this year?”

That takes the wind out of Buck’s sails a bit. “Uh, I don’t know. I haven’t asked her yet. But, uh, probably not.”

“Well, let her know she’s always welcome,” Bobby says with an understanding nod. Eddie gets the impression Maddie never attends the Christmas party, even though Buck would clearly love for her to go. He also has a sneaking suspicion he knows why she's never attended.

“Yeah. I will,” Buck promises.

Just then, a waiter finally makes his way over, and Eddie and Buck quickly order their food before turning their attention back to Bobby, who asks, “What’re you boys planning on doing for the rest of the day?”

“We haven’t decided that, yet,” Eddie says.

Buck adds, “Eddie wasn’t feeling good, so we decided to grab an early lunch.”

Bobby frowns. “I’m sorry to hear that, Eddie. Do you think you’re coming down with something?”

“No, no,” Eddie insists with a shake of his head. “I’m not sick. I think it was just the incense in the spa. I’m feeling much better already.”

“Maybe we could go into town, then,” Buck suggests. “Do some window shopping or something.”

That’s not a bad idea. Except... “You sure your ankle can handle all that walking?”

“It feels fine, really. And we can always come back to the resort if it starts to hurt.”

“Alright. Well, have fun, you two,” Bobby grunts, pushing to his feet. “And enjoy your lunch. I’ll see you at the party, if I don’t see you again before then.”

“See you, Bobby,” Buck says, and Eddie gives a little wave.

Once the man has walked away, Eddie asks, “So, he and Athena are married, and both of their exes come to the Christmas party?”

Buck bobbles his head eagerly. “Yeah. They’re all really close. Athena and Michael ended on good terms when he came out as gay about five years ago, and Bobby’s been divorced from Marcy for about seven years, so the two of them have had enough time to make amends and stuff.”

“How did Bobby and Athena end up getting together?”

“Bobby hired Athena to be the resort’s manager when he first bought the place. The two of them were always sort of a dream team, you know? And then, once they were both divorced, one thing led to another and they ended up getting together. They’ve been married for... three years, I think. Bobby changed the name of the resort as a sort of wedding gift for Athena. He said it’s been both of theirs since day one, because without Athena as his manager he would’ve been lost, so he was just making it official.”

As he shares the tale of Bobby and Athena’s love story, Buck’s eyes are alight with something like awe or wonder. It makes Eddie smile, and he thinks back on his and Buck’s discussion about grand gestures the day they met up at the coffee shop. Based on that, it makes sense that the boy would be delighted by Bobby renaming the resort for his new wife. That’s about the grandest of grand gestures Eddie can imagine. 

Buck continues, “I’m pretty sure they’re soulmates, you know? Like, they had to be with the wrong people for a while to have May and Harry and Junior and Brooke, but they were always meant to be together, in the end.”

“You believe in that?” Eddie asks, raising a skeptical brow. “Soulmates?”

“Definitely. Don’t you?”

“Not really.”

“What? Why not?” The boy looks absolutely appalled, like Eddie’s dismissal of the idea is a personal affront.

Eddie shrugs. “Doesn’t make sense to me. What if your soulmate’s on the other side of the world? Are you just doomed to be alone forever?”

This earns him an eyeroll. “No. The whole point of soulmates is that you’re destined to find each other!”

“So, what about all the people who do end up alone?” Eddie challenges. “Do they just not have soulmates? Who decides who gets a soulmate and who doesn’t?”

Buck opens his mouth like he’s going to argue, but nothing comes out, his furrowed brow giving away that he’s been successfully stumped. Eddie smirks in victory.

“See? It doesn’t make sense. There’s no such thing as soulmates or destiny. Everything’s just... random chance. And some people get luckier than others.”

“You really don’t believe there’s someone out there you’re meant to be with?” Buck demands. “Someone the universe or God or whatever you believe in made just for you?”

You, Eddie’s brain supplies unhelpfully, and he quickly shoves the thought away, because it’s ridiculous. And stupid. Ridiculously stupid. The universe or God or whatever most definitely did not make Buck just for him. The opposite is true, in fact.  Buck wasn’t made for him. He’s straight. If anything, he was made to taunt Eddie with what he’ll never have. Because Eddie’s never going to get the chance to really be with a boy. After college, he’s moving back to El Paso to work for his dad so he can support Shannon and their baby. And that means Eddie can’t do anything to jeopardize that, including—especially—dating a boy. Not that he would’ve, anyway. The thought of openly being with a guy in a real, not-fake-dating scenario fills him with sickening dread.

He can’t voice any of that to Buck, of course, so he decides to keep his real answer short and sweet.

“No.”

“You’re no fun,” Buck pouts, looking put out. “Where’s your sense of whimsy?”

“I’m not exactly a whimsical kind of guy, Buck. Life just isn’t like that. At least, not in my experience.”

He expects Buck to retort with another argument, maybe about how life is like that if you just believe or some other nonsense, but instead the boy’s quiet, simply studying Eddie for a long moment. It makes Eddie squirm to be scrutinized like this, and he glances around in hopes of spotting their waiter with their food or some other distraction, but no such luck.

Finally, after an agonizing amount of time, Buck says, “Well, I believe. And I hope I find what Bobby and Athena have, someday.”

That, at least, Eddie can get behind.

“I hope you do, too.”

Even if it’s not with me.

Chapter Text

Eddie and Buck take a shuttle into the small town about fifteen minutes away from the resort after lunch, where they spend the afternoon strolling around, window shopping and sometimes ducking into certain stores. The town’s quaint, its streets lined with shops housed in historic brick buildings, and the people all seem nice. It’s fun—though, Eddie’s quickly learning that anything he does with Buck is fun. The boy’s just a ball of laughter and joy, finding ways to make Eddie smile no matter what the situation might be.

The last stop on their excursion ends up being a tiny bookstore, and while Buck’s distracted reading the back of each and every book in the nonfiction section, Eddie finds himself aimlessly wandering the shelves. He’s never been a big reader, himself, but he can admire the charm of this cozy little shop. It’s like something straight out of a movie, with soft yellow lighting and dark leather armchairs scattered about to sit and read in.

He’s passing by the cash register when something catches his eye. It’s a series of pocket-sized books displayed on the checkout counter, each about a different non-fiction topic. There’s one in particular, however, that stands out to him: One Hundred (And One!) Fun Facts to Share With Friends.

He reads that title, and the first person he thinks of is Buck. So, without a second thought, and with his friend still distracted, he covertly purchases the book and stashes it in his coat pocket. It’ll make a nice Christmas present for the boy, so he doesn’t look like a jerk who showed up completely empty-handed without a gift for his boyfriend. Honestly, it should’ve occurred to him sooner to buy something, but in his defense, he’s had a lot on his mind.

After Buck pays for three different books of his own—two about the ocean and one about outer space—they catch the shuttle back to the resort and dump their purchases in their room before heading to the dining hall to get some dinner. Unfortunately, they aren’t as lucky as they’d been at lunch, finding Margaret, Phillip, Maddie, and Doug all seated at their usual table, scanning the dinner menu in silence. Maddie notices them approaching first, and she gives them both a delighted smile.

“There you guys are,” she says, setting her menu down and gesturing for them to take the two empty seats next to her. “How was your day? Ev... Buck, how’s your ankle?”

Buck, who’d been in the process of taking the seat directly next to his sister, freezes and blinks at her, clearly taken off guard by her using his nickname.

“Uh...” he says, and Eddie swears he sees the boy’s brain stall and then reboot. “It... It’s fine. A little sore now, I guess, after... We went shopping in town. But it’s okay.” 

“That’s good. I was gonna stop by to check on you last night, but I could hear you guys laughing through the door and didn’t want to interrupt.” She smirks at her brother and Eddie, and Eddie’s cheeks start to burn. At least she hadn’t overheard anything else that had happened last night.

Buck bobbles his head eagerly, finally sitting down the rest of the way as he explains, “Yeah, we watched movies the whole afternoon. It was great. And then this morning we got massages. Which, by the way, Josh told me about you guys’ bet. What the heck, Maddie?”

Maddie gives an unapologetic shrug. “I wasn’t gonna miss out on an easy fifty bucks.”

“What bet is this?” Doug speaks up from Maddie’s other side, and Eddie does his best not to scowl. At the mere sound of the man’s voice, Maddie immediately shrinks in on herself, her smile wavering ever-so-slightly.

Even still, she turns to her husband and explains, “Josh didn’t think Buck would ever realize he liked men. I thought there was a chance he might.”

“Oh, Maddie, honestly,” Margaret huffs beside Eddie, clearly disgruntled. “What a ridiculous thing to do.”

“I wouldn’t collect on that bet just yet,” Phillip pipes up. “I’m still not convinced this isn’t all just an act to get a rise out of your mother and I.”

Now Buck’s shrinking in on himself, and fucking hell, Eddie’s so sick of these people. So, he doesn’t think. He just turns in his seat, grabs Buck’s face, and kisses the boy absolutely senseless. It definitely isn’t a chaste kiss. In fact, it’s bordering on the same dangerous territory as their kiss last night had, tongue and all, but Eddie doesn’t even care. This time, he isn’t letting himself get carried away. He just needs to prove a point.

When his and Buck’s lips finally part, Eddie turns to look Phillip Buckley dead in the eyes as he says, “That seem like an act to you?” Which is maybe a little ironic, since that’s exactly what it was, but nobody here needs to know that.

Phillip’s jaw is clenched tight, a muscle in it jumping. Margaret’s, meanwhile, is practically on the floor. As is Buck’s, actually, though the boy quickly regains his composure, absolutely glowing as he grins wildly at his parents.

“Yeah, did that seem like an act?” he taunts, and it takes everything in Eddie not to snort at his friend’s enthusiasm. Maddie, however, does snort, looking thrilled by Eddie’s boldness.

“Definitely didn’t seem like an act to me,” she supplies.

Margaret finally manages to pull herself together enough to sputter, “That was... completely inappropriate! In front of... all these people!”

She casts a horrified glance at the other tables surrounding theirs, but there isn’t a single person looking their way.

Eddie shrugs. “We’ve been trying to be respectful by keeping that kind of stuff private, but since you and your husband think Buck and I are lying about being together, it seemed necessary.”

“Well, I’m sold,” Doug announces, leaning back in his chair and crossing one leg over the other, a cruel smirk twisting his lips.

At that moment, the waiter arrives to take their orders, and the conversation’s dropped. In fact, all attempts at conversation are dropped, everyone remaining silent even after the waiter’s walked away. Phillip still looks livid, glaring daggers at Eddie, and Margaret almost looks close to tears, staring down at the empty table space in front of her like it might offer some comfort.

It’s Buck who finally breaks the tension by asking Maddie, “Hey, are you gonna come to the staff Christmas party this year? Bobby said to remind you that you’re always welcome.”

There’s reluctant hope in his voice and eyes, which immediately disappears when Maddie glances at Doug for half a second before turning back to her brother wearing an apologetic expression. “Probably not. You know Doug isn’t a big party guy, so...”

“Sorry, Evan,” Doug says, sounding very much not sorry. “I’ve heard the staff can get a little... rowdy, and I’m just not a big fan of all that noise, you know?”

Buck deflates a little, nodding. “Yeah. Sure.”

“Couldn’t you come by yourself, Maddie?” Eddie suggests, hating the dejected look on Buck’s face. “If Doug doesn’t want to go?”

Doug seems smugly amused by Eddie’s suggestion but doesn’t say anything, looking to his wife for her answer instead. Maddie frowns, appearing deeply uncomfortable as she says, “I... I’d rather stay in with Doug. I’m not really a fan of loud parties, either.”

“That’s why we’re so good together,” Doug brags, slinging an arm over the back of Maddie’s chair. “We’re just so similar.”

Maddie doesn’t agree or disagree with her husband’s statement. Instead, she sits completely still, like a startled rabbit trying to decide the best course of action to stay alive.

Eddie’s really starting to wish he and Buck had just ordered room service again and avoided this whole mess. He supposes it isn’t too late to grab their dinners and run once they’re delivered to the table, but until then he decides to switch the topic and hopes it’s safe enough to keep things from derailing again.

“What do you want to do tomorrow, Buck?” he asks, and Buck blinks, like he’s startled by being addressed and the sudden shift in conversation.

The boy recovers quickly, however, and suggests, “You want to go sledding? I don’t think that should be too hard on my ankle.”

“Sounds good to me,” Eddie agrees. Sledding’s another thing he’s never done before, though he’s always wanted to.

“You ever gone sledding, Texas?” Doug asks, as if he’s just read Eddie’s mind. It leaves Eddie feeling a little violated.

Awkwardly clearing his throat, he says, “Uh, no.”

“I’ll bet you’ll love it. Lots of opportunity to get up close and personal with Evan here.” Reaching around Maddie’s back, Doug gives Buck’s shoulder a firm pat. Buck tenses at the contact.

Eddie forces a smile. “Can’t wait.”

Their food thankfully arrives shortly after that, and everyone falls silent as they dig in. Eddie, for one, revels in the quiet. He also shovels his food down, manners be damned, so he can get himself and Buck out of here as quickly as possible. Thankfully, Buck seems to have the same idea, practically inhaling his steak and potatoes. The two of them finish their meals in record time, and Eddie leaps to his feet once he’s swallowed his final bite.

“I’m beat,” he announces, throwing a pointed look at Buck, who also quickly stands.

“Yeah, me too,” the boy agrees. “We’ll, uh, see you guys tomorrow.”

Margaret and Phillip, predictably, ignore them completely, but Maddie gives them a smile and says, “Night, Buck. Night Eddie.”

“Night,” they echo back to her, and then they’re off, all but sprinting to the elevators.

“Well, that was miserable,” Buck sighs once they’ve reached their room, kicking his shoes off at the door and walking over to the bed to collapse onto it face-first. 

Eddie winces. “Yeah. Sorry about that.”

This earns him a funny look from Buck, who rolls onto his side so he can see Eddie better. “Sorry? Why’re you sorry?”

“Well, I... I kissed you, to prove a point to your parents, and it made things awkward.”

Buck snorts. “I don’t care about that. That was awesome. Did you see my parents’ faces? They were horrified.”

The boy looks maybe a little too gleeful about his parents’ blatant homophobia, but Eddie decides not to point that out. Instead, he says, “There’s definitely no way they think we’re faking it now, at least.”

“Yeah.” For some reason, Buck’s smile suddenly flickers, and when it returns it no longer reaches his eyes. He doesn’t say anything to explain this strange behavior, however. He just pushes on like nothing happened and asks, “Hey, are you actually ready to sleep, or do you want to do something else?”

Eddie considers this. “What do you have in mind?”

“Well, we haven’t tried out the hot tub yet...”

“Oh, hell yes,” he immediately agrees before realizing one tiny issue. “I, uh, didn’t pack my swim trunks, though.”

In one swift motion, Buck rolls off the bed and makes his way over to the dresser, where he digs through one of the drawers he’s claimed before tugging something out of it and tossing it to Eddie. It’s a pair of swim trunks.

“Brought an extra pair just in case,” he explains, pulling a second pair from the same drawer.

With that resolved, they both make quick work of getting changed and head out to the balcony. Eddie’s pleasantly surprised when he dips his hand into the water and finds it already hot, and he climbs in while Buck powers up the jets, eager to get out of the frigid cold.

“God, I haven’t been in one of these in ages,” he groans as a powerful pulse of water suddenly shoots directly into his back. It feels great, especially after the massage he got earlier. Honestly, his body’s never felt more relaxed in his life, and, knowing his track record, will likely never feel this relaxed again.

“Really?” Buck asks, climbing in once he’s got everything going and settling in the seat directly across from Eddie. “When was the last time?”

Eddie has to think hard about that one. “It was... back in high school. Senior year. My baseball team made it to state, and we got to stay in a hotel where the pool had a hot tub attached to it.”

“Did you guys win?”

“Nah. Came in second.”

“That’s not too bad.”

Eddie snorts. “Tell that to our coach. You’d think we lost the World Series.”

That makes Buck laugh, his eyes back to being bright and happy. “Our coach got suspended one year for causing a scene when we lost sectionals.”

“Really? What’d he do?”

“Stormed the field after the timer ran out. Screamed his head off. Grabbed the quarterback by the helmet and threw him around a bit. Someone got it on video. I think it’s still out there on YouTube somewhere.”

“Jesus.”

“Eh, it was funny in hindsight,” Buck says with a shrug, still grinning. “He was an alright guy. Just passionate.”

“Apparently.” Eddie can’t imagine ever getting that worked up over a high school sport, but hey, to each their own.

Lifting his arms to rest them on the edge of the hot tub, Buck asks, “You think you’ll do anything with baseball once you graduate? Like, coach your kids’ Little League teams someday or something?”

For a moment, Eddie’s too distracted by Buck’s bulging biceps to register the question, but then the words sink in, and he frowns thoughtfully. It’s a good question, especially considering he’s about to have a kid who could possibly join a Little League team when they’re older.

“I might, yeah,” he decides. “If my kid’s okay with it. And if they actually want to play baseball, obviously.”

Buck smirks. “You could be their ballroom dancing coach if they’re not into baseball.”

“Coaching ballroom’s a little different,” Eddie says with a shake of his head. “I’m too out of practice to do any good there.”

“I don’t know,” Buck disagrees. “You seemed like a pretty good teacher to me.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “We did one of the easiest swing patterns that exists, Buck. That’s not exactly the same as competitive ballroom dancing.”

“If you say so. But I still think you could do it.”

“Well, what about you? Would you coach your kids’ football teams?”

To Eddie’s surprise, Buck absolutely lights up at the question.

“Yeah, definitely! I love kids. I think I’d coach a team even if I didn’t have one of my own.”

This new information makes Eddie’s stomach flutter. Buck loves kids. Buck loves kids, and Eddie’s about to have a kid. Would Buck love Eddie’s kid?

Visions of Buck and a faceless child flood Eddie’s mind, despite his attempts to shove the thought away. He can’t seem to help it. It’s intoxicating, the idea of the boy stepping up, becoming a third parent to Eddie’s unborn child. Which is a completely deranged thing to imagine. Eddie’s well aware of that. Buck said he liked kids, not that he wanted to help raise someone else’s. And anyway, Buck isn’t... That isn’t ever going to happen, because Buck’s not...

God. Eddie feels like an infatuated schoolgirl, daydreaming about having babies with his crush. He’s a grown man. He needs to get it together and stop acting like an idiot.

“Really?” he asks, trying to keep his voice casual so as not to betray his insane thoughts. “You’d be willing to do the equivalent of herding cats without even having a kid of your own?”

Buck shrugs. “Kids are great. I don’t need incentive to want to hang out with them.”

This only confirms, in Eddie’s mind, that Buck was, in fact, made strictly to torment him. To tease him with the possibility of what he could have, if only things were different. If only Buck weren’t straight, and if only Eddie were brave enough to—

“Do you like kids?” Buck questions, and Eddie hesitates before deciding to answer honestly.

“I don’t mind them.”

“So that’s a no.”

Eddie glares at the boy. “No. If it was a no, I would’ve said ‘no’. I really don’t mind kids. They’re... fine.”

“But you don’t want one of your own?”

“Did I say that? Stop putting words in my mouth,” Eddie orders, and Buck raises his hands in surrender.

“Sorry, sorry. Just thought that was what you were implying.”

“Well, it’s not. I do want kids. Or, at least one.” And he’d do anything for them. Even go through the unique hell of fake dating his ideal man, who he’ll never get the chance to really be with.

“Hm,” Buck hums, sounding thoughtful as he studies Eddie’s face for some reason. Then, he bites his lower lip and glances away, suddenly looking nervous.

Curious, Eddie asks, “What’s wrong?”

Buck’s silent for a moment, gaze still averted and teeth worrying his lower lip, before he says, “Nothing. Just... Nothing.”

“Doesn’t seem like nothing,” Eddie points out, skeptical.

“It is. It’s just... Okay. Can I, uh... Can I ask you a question?”

The boy finally meets Eddie’s eye again, and he looks so nervous it puts Eddie on edge, though he nods anyway.

“It doesn’t really have anything to do with what we were just talking about,” Buck prefaces. “But... You, uh... You know how Maddie and Josh made that bet about me?”

Huh. Buck was right. This is out of nowhere—or, at least, it seems to be. Eddie doesn’t mention that, though, instead simply nodding as he says, “Yeah?”

“Do you... Why do you think they thought I was, you know... gay?”

Eddie blinks. Then blinks again. And then a third time.

“Um...”

“Because, I... I’m not. Or, I don’t think I am. Except...” Buck honestly looks a little like he might be sick. Under normal circumstances, Eddie might try to do something to make him feel better, but at this exact second he sort of feels like he might pass out, so he stays as quiet and still as he possibly can. Oblivious to Eddie’s crisis, Buck continues, “Except, our kiss last night... I know it was supposed to be fake, but... but it... And then the kiss at dinner, too, it... I mean...”

Holy fuck, what is happening? Is Buck... Is he really saying what Eddie thinks he’s saying?

“Buck, you... I mean, I...”

Eddie’s inability to form a coherent sentence seems to send Buck into a panic, because he immediately begins to backpedal, eyes wide and terrified as he stutters, “You know what, n... never mind. It’s stupid. I’m stupid. I’m not... I’m sorry. Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“Hey, Buck, wait!” Eddie quickly interrupts, leaning forward and reaching out to put a hand on the boy’s knee. “Don’t apologize. I’m not... I’m not upset, or... or freaked out or anything. I’m just... surprised, I guess. Or, maybe confused.”

Buck huffs a half-hearted laugh. “Yeah. That makes two of us.”

“So, you’re questioning if you’re gay because... because you liked kissing me?”

“I... Yeah,” Buck confirms with a timid nod, and Eddie’s heart skips several beats. “That, and... and a few other things.”

“Like what?”

“Like... It’s not important. I just don’t know what it all means. And my sister... She knows me better than anyone, you know? So, if she thinks I’m gay...”

Eddie gives Buck’s knee a firm squeeze. “Buck, no one can tell you who or what you are but you. So, if you think you’re straight, then—”

“Will you kiss me?” the boy blurts, and he looks immediately mortified with himself for doing so. Still, he pushes on, “So I can test myself? See if I really do like it?”

“Um...”

What the fuck? Is this real life? It can’t be real. It can’t be.

“I know you’re not... not... So, if you don’t want to do this, I get it, and.. and you can tell me to fuck off, and I will, but...”

“I’ll do it.”

The words are out before Eddie’s thought them through. Though, really, there’s no other answer he could’ve given. He knows how this’ll end. He knows Buck will realize he’s straight, that he was freaking out over nothing, overthinking something simple. But Eddie just can’t say no to him. Especially not for something like this.

“Yeah?” Buck asks, sounding a little breathless, and Eddie nods.

“Yeah.”

He shifts, moving so he’s in the spot next to Buck instead of across from him, hand still on the boy’s knee. His heart’s jackhammering in his chest, and he does his best to breathe through the nerves. This is nothing, he reminds himself. He’s already kissed Buck twice. What’s one more time?

“Just... tell me if you want me to stop,” he instructs. “Okay?”

Buck bobbles his head. “Okay.”

So, Eddie cups Buck’s cheek with his free hand, just like he had during their first kiss, and brings their lips together.

It doesn’t start as gentle as their first kiss had, but it also doesn’t jump straight to obscene like their second, either. It’s just... nice. The kind of kiss lovers would share at the end of a date. Familiar, but not overly passionate. Not leading anywhere. Something that exists on its own.

Eddie lets it linger for a few moments, and then he ends it, reluctantly pulling back. To his surprise, Buck tries to chase his lips, forcing him to pull back even more with a small smile.

“Whoa, slow down there, cowboy,” he chuckles. “Take a sec. How do you feel?”

Buck’s eyes flutter open, and they immediately lock on Eddie’s lips, a sort of hunger in them.

“I feel...” The boy seems unsure of how to answer that, worrying his lower lip with his teeth again. Finally, he settles on, “I want to try again. If... If that’s okay?”

“Uh, yeah. Okay. Sure.”

This time, Buck takes charge, holding Eddie’s face between his large hands. And, holy shit, are they large. Not as big as his own, he doesn’t think, but much bigger than any hand that’s ever touched his face before. It’s an incredible, intoxicating feeling.

This kiss is more intense, Buck deepening it quickly, his tongue seeking entry almost immediately. Eddie lets him without a second thought, reveling in the taste of Buck once again. That ravenous feeling’s back, the need for more, for the kiss to never end. He shifts a little to sit at a more comfortable angle, and suddenly he finds himself being pulled onto Buck’s lap with practiced ease.

His mind goes blank. He can’t even comprehend what just happened. One moment, he was sitting next to Buck, and now he’s sitting on Buck. They’re chest to chest, Eddie’s ass resting on toned thighs, all the blood in his body rushing straight down to his dick. He’s completely hard in only a few seconds, and the desperate need for friction he suddenly feels pulls a pathetic whimper from his throat. He expects this to jolt Buck back to reality, for the boy to shove Eddie off him in disgust, but instead Buck moans into Eddie’s mouth in response. This, somehow, manages to make Eddie even harder.

Buck does break off their kiss, then, but only so he can suck and bite at Eddie’s neck, his hands trailing down Eddie’s sides and coming to a rest at his waist. Eddie’s hands, meanwhile, find purchase on Buck’s broad, muscular shoulders. He’s so turned on he can’t even think straight, and before he really realizes what he’s doing, he grinds his hips down, seeking release. The action drags his cock against Buck’s, which is equally hard, and it takes all his self-control not to come right then and there.

“Oh, fuck,” Buck groans into the crook of Eddie’s neck, his hands tightening on Eddie’s waist, encouraging him to repeat the motion. He does, again and again, the slide of their erections against each other, separated only by two thin layers of fabric from their swim trunks, absolutely addicting.

Eddie’s hands release Buck’s shoulders so they can tangle in his curls instead, his arms hugging the boy even closer as he picks up the speed of his thrusts. Buck shifts so they’re face-to-face again, pressing another hot, wet kiss to Eddie’s lips, though it doesn’t last more than a second, both of them too blissed out to focus on the mechanics of making out. Instead, they hover there, panting into each other’s mouths, until Buck’s breath hitches and he lets out a gasp, his hips stuttering.

“God, fuck, Eddie, I... Ugh.”

Eddie can feel Buck’s dick twitching beside his as he comes, and that’s all it takes for Eddie’s own orgasm to hit, hard and fast. His vision goes white for a moment as pure pleasure races through his whole body, hot cum spurting from his dick and mixing in the water with Buck’s. The thought of that, of his and Buck’s cum combining in the space between them, is enough to send another extra jolt through Eddie’s cock, and he whimpers again.

“Fuck. Fuck,” he whispers, at a loss for anything else to say. His mind’s spinning and also turned to mush all at once, and though he knows he needs to let go, he can’t stop clinging to Buck, wanting desperately to stay close to the boy. Luckily, Buck seems to want to stay close, too, his own arms wrapping around Eddie’s waist.

“That was, uh... That was...” Buck mumbles, clearly searching for the right words to describe what they just did. Off the top of his head, Eddie can think of several—amazing, life-changing, and earth-shattering being at the top of the list—but Buck goes with, “Wow.”

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees. “Wow.”

He isn’t sure where to go from here. What does this mean? Is Buck maybe not straight after all? Or did he get caught up in the moment? Maybe it was just sex to him. After all, Eddie’s had sex with women—or, well, with Shannon—but that doesn’t make him straight. And what he and Buck just did was hardly even sex at all, depending on your definition of sex. So, it could’ve just been... a physical release. Or something.

And, shit. Hadn’t Buck said he didn’t want to have sex? That day at the coffee shop? It had been his one boundary, which Eddie hasn’t only crossed, but basically eviscerated. Does this make him as bad as Professor Wells and Professor Clark? Is Buck going to look back on this moment with the same regret?

If he isn’t going to Hell for being gay, Eddie definitely deserves to go to Hell for doing that to his friend.

Heart in his throat, he pushes away from Buck, keeping his eyes downcast as he returns to his seat on the other side of the hot tub. His body immediately misses the contact with Buck’s skin, but he doesn’t listen to the little voice inside his head begging him to climb back into the boy’s lap. Instead, he clears his throat and says, “I’m... I’m sorry. You didn’t want... I fucked up. I...”

“No, Eddie, I... I’m sorry,” Buck counters. “You... That isn’t what... what we agreed on, and... and I shouldn’t have...”

“I got carried away,” Eddie desperately tries to explain, a dull ringing beginning in his ears. “I wasn’t thinking. And I should’ve told you before that I... that I’m...”

Gay. That I’m gay. He tries to get the words out, but they won’t come, stuck on the back of his tongue, choking him. His hands and feet are starting to tingle now, and it’s getting harder to suck in a full, deep breath.

Buck shakes his head. “I really didn’t think it would go that far. I didn’t think I... Please tell me I didn’t just ruin everything.”

That stops Eddie in his tracks, startles him into snapping his gaze back to Buck’s face.

“What? Buck, no, you didn’t ruin anything.” Eddie ruined it. He ruined it just like he ruins every single thing he touches.

“You’re just... You’re the best friend I’ve ever had,” Buck admits, eyes wide and desperate. “I know we haven’t known each other for that long, but...”

On instinct, Eddie reaches for Buck’s hand, but he aborts the motion halfway, not wanting to test the already thin ice he feels like he’s standing on.

“We’re still friends, Buck,” he reassures him. “As long as you want to be.”

“Of course I want to be.” The boy looks appalled that Eddie would suggest otherwise, which would be funny under different circumstances. As it stands, Eddie’s just relieved. He can’t believe he fucked things up so monumentally, and yet Buck’s still willing to forgive and forget and stay friends.

With a stiff, awkward nod, Eddie stands, the freezing cold evening air now a relief against his overheated skin, helping to calm some of his rising panic.

“Come on,” he says. “Let’s head inside. Get some sleep.”

Buck follows his lead, also standing. “A... Alright.”

They’re both completely silent after that, not a single word uttered between them as they take turns showering and climb into bed. Eddie still can’t help but feel paranoid, convinced it’s only a matter of time before Buck really thinks over what just happened between them and decides to send Eddie away. He thinks about texting Shannon again, until he remembers his guilt from earlier and decides not to. She doesn’t need to be bothered with this. Besides, he knows what she’d say anyway: That Buck was a willing participant, and that Eddie’s once again overthinking things.

What she wouldn’t understand is that Eddie clearly took advantage of Buck while he was in a vulnerable place. Sure, the boy had instigated some of what happened, but Eddie should’ve put a stop to it when it started to go too far. Buck was trying to figure out something deeply personal. Of course he was going to test the limits of it. It was up to Eddie to reign that in, make sure it was something Buck honestly wanted. And, once again, he should’ve told the boy the truth about his own sexuality. It was wrong of him to keep that a secret, especially considering what ended up happening. After all, if he’d known the truth, maybe Buck would’ve made different choices. He deserved to go into what they did with a full understanding of the situation, at least.

The space they leave between their bodies as they lay in bed has never felt so wide. Eddie longs to reach out, to bridge the gap in some way, but he doesn’t feel like that’s something he deserves to do. So, instead, he lays in the dark and stares at the ceiling until his eyelids get too heavy to keep open.

As he drifts off to sleep, he finds himself praying to a God he isn’t sure he believes in that, when he wakes up, this will all turn out to have been a bad dream.

Chapter Text

As usual, God doesn’t answer Eddie’s prayers. Instead, he wakes to a cold, empty bed and a horrible churning in his gut that tells him last night was in fact very, very real.

He doesn’t even want to open his eyes, terrified to face the reality of what he’s done, but after a long moment he finally gathers his courage and glances around the room. To his surprise, he discovers the bed’s not empty, after all. Or, at least, not completely. Buck’s there; he’s just sitting on the edge of the mattress, staring down at his hands folded in his lap, his back facing Eddie.

“Buck?” Eddie dares to ask, voice rough with sleep. The boy jolts, like Eddie startled him, and then slowly turns his head, eyes downcast.

“Morning,” he murmurs. “H... How’d you sleep?”

The honest answer would be “like shit”, but instead Eddie lies and says, “Fine. You?”

“Fine,” Buck echoes, though the dark circles beneath his eyes tell a different story.

Silence falls between them, heavy and thick with tension. Eddie hates it, wants nothing more than to break it, but he doesn’t know how. He doesn’t know what he can say. It seems like, just as he predicted, Buck has slept on what happened between them—or, rather, hasn’t slept—and has decided he doesn’t want to remain Eddie’s friend after all. And Eddie can’t even blame him for that.

After a long, horrible moment, Buck finally speaks again.

“I... I know we said we were good, last night, but...” 

Here it comes, Eddie thinks, bracing himself.

“...I just keep thinking about what happened, and... Eddie. I... I’m so sorry.”

Eddie blinks. “What?”

Now, Buck’s eyes flick up, meeting Eddie’s for the briefest of moments before darting away again.

“I’m so sorry. For... For what I did. I told you about what happened with me and... and Professor Wells, and Abby, and... and then I did the exact same thing to you.”

Hold on, what? Eddie can’t be understanding Buck right, because it almost sounds like he’s saying...

“Are you... Do you think you took advantage of me?” Eddie splutters, flabbergasted.

“Well, yeah,” Buck says, like this is obvious. He finally meets Eddie’s eye again and actually holds his gaze this time as he explains, “I’m paying you to be here. So, maybe you felt like you... like you had to go along with what I wanted, so you—”

“Buck. That’s not what happened.”

Not even close. Not even remotely close.

Buck doesn’t seem convinced. “That wasn’t what you signed up for, though, when you agreed to do this for me. You weren’t expecting... any of it. You even said that day at the coffee shop that there wouldn’t be any... That we wouldn’t be... And then I basically dragged you onto my lap and—”

“I’m the problem here, Buck, not you,” Eddie insists, pushing himself up so he’s sitting with his back against the headboard. “You explicitly told me you didn’t want sex to be a part of this, and then I—”

“No, no, Eddie, don’t—”

“I’m serious, Buck. You were in a vulnerable position. You were trusting me to help you figure out this thing about yourself, and then I went and—”

“I wanted it!” Buck practically shouts, shooting to his feet, eyes wide and a little wild. Then, he reins himself in a bit and explains, “It wasn’t anything like Professor Wells or Abby for me because I... I chose it. I wanted it. I didn’t feel pressured or confused or... or anything like that. But you—”

“I wanted it, too,” Eddie blurts, heart racing.

This draws Buck up short. “What?”

“I didn’t feel pressured or confused, either. I knew what was happening the whole time, and I... I chose it, too.”

Buck’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “You... You did?”

“Yeah.”

For a moment, the two of them just stare at each other, unsure what else to say or do. Then, Buck whispers, “Oh.”

Eddie nods. “Yeah. So, we were two consenting adults.”

“Right,” Buck agrees, also nodding, though he seems a bit disoriented. “We did nothing wrong.”

“Exactly.”

“So, we’re... We’re okay?”

“We’re okay,” Eddie confirms, hardly daring to believe it’s true. “We’re... friends?”

“Friends. Yeah. Friends.”

Good. Friends is good. Friends who had sex. Kind of. Consensual kind-of sex. Eddie would be lying if he said he didn’t want to be more than that, but... This is for the best. Because, no matter what all this means about Buck’s sexuality—and, at this point, Eddie’s still pretty confused about that part—it doesn’t change the fact that Eddie can’t have something more. Not with anyone, and certainly not with Buck. It would only end in disaster.

Being friends is the safest thing for them.

Letting out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, Eddie says, “Okay. Then, uh, are we still on for sledding today?”

For the first time since last night, Buck smiles, and it’s the most beautiful thing Eddie’s ever seen.

“Definitely.”

So, they wait for their breakfasts to be delivered by Chimney—omelets today—and scarf them down before changing into their snow gear and heading down to the resort’s shop, where they rent a couple sleds for the morning. As they’re trudging out to the designated sledding hill, Buck asks, “Have you really never been sledding before?”

“Nope. Doesn’t exactly snow a lot in El Paso.”

Every once in a while, they’d get a light dusting, but never enough to do much with, and it never stuck around for more than a day. And the one time a big storm did blow through and leave a few inches behind, Eddie and his family had been in LA visiting his Abuela and Tia Pepa.

“Wow. So, then, what about snowmen? Snow angels? Snowball fights?”

Eddie casts Buck an amused glance. “No, no, and no. Never done any of those, either. Well, I did throw a snowball at you the other day, but Hen got mad at me for that, so.”

“Okay. Then our mission for today—should you choose to accept it—is to give you all the fundamental snow-themed childhood experiences you’ve missed out on by living in what sounds like the worst place in the world.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s the worst place,” Eddie playfully argues, even though he’s pretty sure he actually has called El Paso “the worst place to live” on more than one occasion. Still, it’s one thing when you insult the place you grew up. It’s another thing when someone else does it.

Buck gives a nod of acknowledgement. “Fine. Not the worst place. Just... less than ideal.”

With a fond roll of his eyes, Eddie says, “Yeah, okay. Whatever. We can do all the snow activities, if that’s what you want.”

“Yes!” Buck celebrates, looking like a kid who’s been told Christmas is coming early.

They still, of course, start with sledding, since that’s what they’d set out to do. The hill has what Buck calls a conveyor lift, which is like standing on one of those moving walkways in an airport, but without the handrails. It’s probably the easiest lift Eddie’s had to use so far on this trip, though it’s also definitely the most crowded. It seems like a bunch of people—mostly families with small children—have decided today’s the day for sledding. It’s not too bad once they actually reach the top of the hill, though. It’s wide enough that nobody’s on top of each other or anything like that, so Buck and Eddie are able to claim their own little area to go down.

“Sledding’s pretty simple,” Buck explains as the two of them get set up. “You just sit and go. Lean to steer, and bail if you think you’re gonna crash into something or someone.”

“Got it.”

Buck then gives Eddie a wicked grin that makes his stomach do a backflip and asks, “You want to race?”

Eddie responds with a grin of his own. “You’re on.”

It turns out sledding’s really, really fun. Maybe, just like everything else on this trip, he only enjoys it because he’s doing it with Buck, but he doesn’t really mind if that’s the case. The two of them race down the hill a few times, and then they take turns timing each other to see who can make it down the fastest, and then they both pile onto the same sled to see if their combined weight will make it go any faster. Eddie tries his hardest to be normal while sitting between Buck’s sturdy legs, the boy’s strong arms wrapped around his waist, but he isn’t sure he succeeds.

When they finally decide to call it quits with sledding, they move on to building a snowman in a more private corner of the lodge’s grounds. Buck teaches Eddie the art of rolling snow so it ends up in a ball rather than looking like a log, and once they’ve got their three layers stacked they move on to hunting for materials to make their snowman’s limbs and face. Sticks, of course, are used for the arms, nose, and mouth, and two similarly-sized rocks are stuck on as eyes. Then, as a finishing touch, Buck adds two small evergreen branches as fuzzy eyebrows, which makes Eddie laugh.

“Wait, then it’s missing something,” he says, digging around in the snow until he finds what he’s looking for: A pinecone. He quickly plucks off two of its larger, roundish scales, adding one above the snowman’s left eyebrow and one below it. Then, he steps back to admire his handiwork and declares, “Now he’s perfect.”

He glances over at Buck for his approval and finds the boy staring at him with something like wonder in his blue eyes, pink flush creeping into his cheeks. Eddie’s own face flushes in response, and he shrugs, even though Buck hasn’t said anything.

“He needed his birthmark,” he mumbles, embarrassed. God, could he be any more obvious?

Instead of responding, Buck crouches and begins to dig in the snow himself, emerging with something pinched between his fingers. Eddie has to squint to see that it’s a tiny brown seed as Buck adds it just below the snowman’s left eye.

Eddie furrows his brow. “What’s that?”

“His mole,” Buck murmurs, turning and pressing his chilled index finger to the skin below Eddie’s left eye, right where he’d put the seed on the snowman.

“Oh,” Eddie whispers, his throat suddenly very dry. Buck’s so close that Eddie has to tilt his head up slightly to meet the boy’s eyes, the steam of their breath mingling in the air. For a charged moment, it feels like Buck might bend down and press his lips to Eddie’s—something Eddie isn’t sure if he wants to happen or not. But then, Buck blinks, and he takes a step away, clearing his throat.

“So, uh, what next? Snow angels?” he asks, averting his eyes. Eddie gives as nonchalant a shrug as he can muster, pretending everything that just happened hadn’t just happened.

“Sure.”

“Okay, great. Uh, for... for this one, you just...” Buck locates a patch of unmarred snow and flops back onto it, limbs splayed out like a starfish. “...lay down, like this. And then you move your arms and legs up and down.”

Once he’s completed his demonstration, he scrambles to his feet and moves out of the way so Eddie can behold the final product.

Frowning, Eddie asks, “How does that look like an angel?”

“What do you mean?” Buck exclaims. “Look, those are the wings, and then that part’s, like, their robe or dress or whatever.”

Eddie’s still skeptical, but he guesses he sort of sees it. In an abstract kind of way, at least.

Buck gestures to a bare patch of snow beside his angel, then, and instructs, “Your turn. Come on!”

And, well, it turns out Eddie can’t say no to Buck, so he obediently falls back into the snow like his friend had and begins moving his arms and legs. 

“How do I know when I’m done?”

“You can be done whenever you want to be.”

So, Eddie pushes himself up and steps back to admire his handiwork. It looks pretty similar to Buck’s, other than that Buck had moved his arms in slightly wider arcs, making his angel’s “wings” bigger.

“Look, they’re holding hands,” the boy says, pointing at where one of his arm swipes is touching one of Eddie’s, and Eddie cocks an eyebrow.

“I thought those were supposed to be wings, not hands.”

Buck huffs. “Fine. Then they’re holding wings.”

“You’re such a dork,” Eddie says with a chuckle. A lovely, wonderful, sweet dork.

“Oh yeah?” Buck challenges, a mischievous smile creeping onto his face. Then, he bends down, scoops up a handful of snow, and before Eddie realizes what’s happening, he’s being nailed square in the chest by a snowball. Looking victorious, Buck crows, “Who’s the dork, now?”

Eddie laughs, bending down to form his own snowball as he says, “Still you!”

And so their epic battle begins, the two of them ducking behind the trunks of evergreens for shelter as they build up an arsenal and send snowballs raining down on each other. At one point, one of Eddie’s hits Buck squarely in the face, and after that all bets are off. Buck charges him, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s chest and lifting him off the ground just so he can toss him in a snowdrift. It’s almost disorienting, being picked up by someone, and it takes all of Eddie’s willpower to keep from being remarkably turned on by the feat of strength. Instead, he retaliates by tackling Buck to the ground and stuffing a handful of snow in the boy’s face while he cackles and tries to shove him off.

Finally, Buck gasps, “I yield! I yield!”

“Not so bad for a guy who’s never done this before, huh?” Eddie brags, standing and holding out a hand to pull Buck to his feet. The boy gladly accepts the help, still grinning from ear to ear.

“You were alright.”

“Really? Just alright?”

“Yeah. You know, for an amateur.”

Eddie smirks. “I think someone’s a sore loser.”

“I just don’t want you to get too big a head over this. Gotta keep that ego in check.”

“Alright, whatever you say,” Eddie says, huffing a laugh. “How’s your ankle? We didn’t go too hard, did we?”

“Nah, it’s fine. A little sore, but not bad.”

Despite the boy’s words, Eddie can tell he’s favoring his right side a little, clearly in some amount of pain. So, Eddie suggests, “Want to go grab some lunch? I’m starving.”

“Yeah,” Buck agrees, looking a little relieved at the idea of getting off his feet. “Sounds great.”

Before they head back into the resort, however, Buck takes a moment to pull out his phone and snap a few pictures of their snowman and snow angels. At Eddie’s inquisitive frown, he explains, “I want to remember this. It was probably one of the best days I’ve had in a long time.”

That makes Eddie smile. “Yeah. Me too. Send me those pictures.”

#

After lunch, they end up spending the rest of the afternoon in their room, watching more movies together until dinner. It’s relaxed and fun, and they’re both in a great mood by the time they head back down to the dining hall. In fact, Eddie’s in such a great mood he’s tempted to stay in their room for the rest of the night and avoid the Buckley parents completely. Buck wants to see his sister, though, so Eddie dutifully follows him downstairs.

Unfortunately, when they reach the Buckleys’ table, they find everyone but Maddie seated around it.

“Where’s Maddie?” Buck immediately demands, standing behind his usual chair.

No one else seems concerned about the woman’s absence, but that isn’t particularly comforting to Eddie, considering who they’re dealing with. Margaret and Phillip aren’t exactly known for caring about their children, and Doug...

“She isn’t feeling well,” the man says, sounding almost bored as he mulls over the dinner menu.

Buck frowns. “What do you mean? Is she sick?”

With a sigh, Doug glances up at his brother-in-law for the briefest of seconds. “That is what ‘isn’t feeling well’ implies, yes.”

An uneasy feeling’s beginning to creep up inside Eddie, though he tries his hardest not to let his imagination get the best of him. This is probably nothing. The most likely scenario is that Maddie has food poisoning or something. Or, hell, who knows? Maybe she’s pregnant and has morning sickness, like Shannon.

It’s just... well. That would be easier to believe if Doug weren’t a part of this equation.

“What’s wrong with her?” Buck presses, clearly sharing the same suspicions as Eddie.

“Oh, honestly, Evan, just sit down,” Margaret huffs. “Your sister’s fine.”

For a moment, Buck hesitates, and then he reluctantly obeys his mother’s command. Eddie follows his lead, bumping their knees together to show support.

They all sit in silence for a few minutes, until the waiter stops by to take their orders. Then, Phillip asks, “Evan, are you and Eddie planning on joining us for snowmobiling tomorrow?”

“Oh. Uh...” Buck looks to Eddie. “Do you want to go? We do this every Christmas Eve.”

Eddie can’t think of anything he wants to do less than spend more time with Buck’s family, but...

“That could be cool. Will I, uh, have to drive one, though, or...?”

This brings a small smile to Buck’s lips. “Don’t worry, you’ll be riding with me. I’ll drive if you don’t want to.”

Relieved, Eddie nods. “Okay. Then, yeah, we can go. If you want to, I mean.”

He figures tossing the ball back into Buck’s court is the best option here. If Buck doesn’t mind spending some time with his parents, then Eddie’ll go along with it, especially if it’s some kind of family tradition. Besides, there’s probably not much talking—or, rather, ridiculing—that can happen while riding snowmobiles, anyway.

“Okay. Yeah. We’ll do it,” Buck decides.

“Alright. We’ll meet in the hallway at one thirty and head down together. Our reservation’s at two,” Phillip instructs.

After that, the Buckley parents fall into a private discussion about something to do with their jobs, so Buck turns his attention back to Doug and says, “So, Maddie. What’s wrong with her?”

The man scowls, clearly annoyed over being pestered about this. “I told you, she isn’t feeling well.”

“Yeah, but, like, what’re her symptoms?”

“She’s fine, Evan. You don’t need to worry. She’s just a little under the weather. I’m sure she’ll be feeling better in time for snowmobiling tomorrow.”

“Why can’t you just give him a straight answer?” Eddie pipes up, agitated. “What’s so hard about saying she has a headache, or—”

“Okay, she has a headache.”

Doug gives Eddie a smug smile, and it takes everything in Eddie not to dive across the table and punch that look right off the man’s face. He curls his hands into fists in his lap, his short nails digging into his palms, and tries to breathe through his agitation.

“You’re such a dick,” Buck growls, but Doug doesn’t seem the least bit bothered by the insult. If anything, his smile grows even more smug.

“Now, Evan, is that any way to speak to family?”

Buck sneers. “You’re not my family.”

“But I am,” the man disagrees, and now Margaret and Phillip have fallen silent, watching their son and son-in-law go back and forth with uneasy expressions. “As much as you might not like it, you and I are family. And these... people here at the resort, who you like to think are your family? They aren’t. And they never will be. They’re nothing to you, and you’re nothing to them.”

Although the words are harsh and cruel, Doug says them like they’re a simple truth, indisputable. And Eddie can see each and every one hitting Buck like a bullet, tearing through all the spots made soft by his insecurities.

Suddenly, the boy shoots to his feet, startling everyone. Eddie isn’t sure at first what his friend’s about to do, but eventually he simply growls, “I’m not hungry.”

He takes off, then, weaving around families seated at the other tables scattered throughout the room, heading for the exit. Without a second thought, Eddie follows, catching up just as Buck has reached the elevators in the hall outside.

“Are you okay?” he asks, though the answer’s obvious. Buck’s seething, his face flushed, a muscle in his jaw jumping as he clenches it.

“Fine,” the boy growls, staring straight ahead at the elevator doors as he waits for them to open.

Eddie doesn’t believe that for a second, but he decides not to dispute it right now. Instead, he simply takes Buck’s hand in his, a silent show of support. Part of him almost expects Buck to shake him off, but instead he tightens his own grip, clutching at Eddie like a lifeline.

The elevator eventually arrives, and they ride up to their floor without a word spoken between them. It’s only when they step off and make their way to their room that Buck finally breaks the silence, eyeing Maddie and Doug’s door anxiously.

“Do you think I should check on her?”

The answer to that seems pretty obvious to Eddie.

“It can’t hurt.”

So, they approach the door, and Buck gives it a timid knock with the hand not still clinging to Eddie’s.

“Maddie?” he calls gently through the thick wood. “Mads? It... It’s Buck. I’m just checking in. Doug said you’re not feeling good, but...”

He waits, and after a few seconds the lock clicks and the door opens a crack, revealing Maddie’s face. She looks... not great. Her skin’s pale, and there are dark circles under her eyes. Maybe she really is sick, and Doug was being an asshole just to mess with them.

“Hey, Ev—Buck. Eddie,” she greets them, forcing a wavering smile. “I’m okay. Just... Migraine.”

Eddie frowns. “Sorry to hear that. Do you get those a lot?”

“Every once in a while.”

It’s a perfectly normal answer, except for the fact that her eyes keep dancing around, never meeting Eddie or Buck’s directly.

Before either of them can respond, she continues, “I was actually just laying down for a nap, so...”

“Right,” Buck says, suspicion clear in his voice, though he doesn’t call her out for her odd behavior. “We’ll, uh... We’ll let you do that. But if you need anything... you know we’re right across the hall.”

“Yep. I do. Thanks.”

She forces another tight smile, then all but slams the door in their faces. Eddie blinks and turns to Buck, who’s staring at where his sister once stood with a troubled frown.

“That was weird, right?” Eddie asks, and Buck nods.

“Yeah.”

“Do you think we should... do something?”

Buck seems to consider this for a moment, and then, with a resigned sigh, he shakes his head.

“There’s nothing we can do. I’ve been here with her before. If I push, she’ll just shut me out completely.”

Eddie nods slowly, then gives Buck’s hand a gentle tug as he says, “Let’s go back to our room, then. We can order room service and watch some more movies or something.”

It’s clear Buck’s reluctant to walk away despite what he just said, but after a moment he allows Eddie to guide him back to their room.

His eyes stay locked on Maddie’s door until it disappears behind their own.

Chapter Text

To Buck’s obvious relief, Maddie’s in the hallway waiting for them with Phillip, Margaret, and Doug the next day, though she’s quieter and more withdrawn than Eddie’s ever seen her. She visibly winces when her husband so much as looks at her, and Eddie can tell it’s taking all of Buck’s willpower not to demand an explanation or simply lay his brother-in-law out and ask questions later. In fact, Eddie’s pretty sure it’s his own hand on Buck’s shoulder that’s keeping the boy from lashing out.

Buck does attempt to pull Maddie aside at one point as they all make their way down to the rental shop, but she practically leaps out of her skin when he lightly touches her arm and then brushes him off with a brisque, “I’m fine, Buck.”

Dejected, Buck makes his way back to Eddie’s side, head hung, and Eddie instantly grabs his hand, lacing their fingers together.

“She’ll come to you. Just give her time,” Eddie whispers.

Phillip and Doug take charge checking them in for their reservation, and they’re led outside by one of the rental shop workers, who gets them set up with three snowmobiles. Each couple—or, in Eddie and Buck’s case, fake couple—gets one of the vehicles to share, with Phillip, Doug, and Buck stepping up to be the drivers while Margaret, Maddie, and Eddie climb on behind them as passengers. As he gets settled on the seat, Eddie’s heart begins to race at about a million miles an hour, though he isn’t sure if it’s from nerves over snowmobiling for the first time or if it’s his body’s natural reaction to wrapping his arms around Buck’s muscular torso—covered though it may be by layers of winter clothes. He suspects it’s a combination of both things that’s the culprit.

“Hold on tight,” Buck instructs as the snowmobile’s engine roars to life, his voice muffled by one of the helmets they’ve all been given, and then they’re off. They start slow as they maneuver to the designated trail but pick up speed once they reach it. Eddie and Buck are the last in line, but that’s more than alright with Eddie, who appreciates getting the illusion of privacy. In fact, what he really wishes is that this could’ve been another winter activity he and Buck did on their own.

They’re about fifteen minutes into their ride when Buck calls back to Eddie, “How’re you doing?”

“Great!” Eddie answers honestly. Because he really is. It turns out he loves this, loves the speed at which they’re flying over the snow and having the opportunity to be so close to Buck. He feels electric, adrenaline humming through his veins. He honestly hadn’t known if he’d like snowmobiling, since he gets so nervous in cars moving half as fast as they’re going right now, but for some reason his brain doesn’t equate this experience with driving. It's something else, something he can enjoy without the weight of his own anxiety sitting on his chest.

As they zip down the trail, he tries his best to take everything in: The snow-covered trees. The wildlife scurrying for cover as they approach. The glistening icicles dangling from branches overhead. It’s all magnificent.

Then, they come across a wide, open field, and there seems to be a silent, unanimous agreement amongst the group about what to do next. They begin to weave their way across the expanse of land, aiming for drifts of snow that they can then sail over, sending Eddie’s stomach swooping to his toes for a brief moment while they’re airborne. He clings to Buck even tighter, eliciting a laugh from the boy, who reaches a hand down to give Eddie’s knee a quick, comforting squeeze. This makes Eddie’s stomach swoop even harder.

They take advantage of the field for a while before finally coming to a stop to drink some water, and then Margaret and Maddie take over driving their snowmobiles as their husbands climb on behind them. With a wide grin, Buck turns to Eddie and asks, “You want to try driving?”

Eddie gulps. “I don’t know...”

“It’s really easy, I promise. And you can take it slow at first.”

So, Eddie nods, and he and Buck trade places. Buck then gives him a quick rundown of the controls, which seem simple enough, before resting his hands on Eddie’s waist and urging, “Okay, give it a try.”

It’s a little touch and go for the first ten minutes, as Eddie tries to get a feel for how the snowmobile handles, but he slowly gets the hang of it, and soon enough he, too, has it catapulting over snowdrifts as Buck whoops in his ear.

Eventually, Margaret leads the way back onto the trail, and they complete their loop, winding up at the resort once again. When Eddie pulls his phone from his pocket, he finds that four hours have passed since they left, which blows his mind. It definitely hadn’t felt like they’d been gone that long.

“So?” Buck prompts as they pull off their helmets and head back inside, him and Eddie lingering behind the rest of the group, shoulders bumping as they walk. “How’d you like it?”

“It was great,” Eddie enthuses. “I’m kind of sad it’s over.”

“Maybe we can go again some other time,” Buck suggests. “Just the two of us.”

Eddie nods, grinning. “I’d like that.”

They’ve got a little over an hour once they make it back up to their room to get ready before the staff Christmas party starts, so they both take turns showering and getting dressed in the nicest clothes they brought. For Eddie, that’s a deep red button-up and pair of jeans, and for Buck it’s a gray cable knit sweater and jeans. Buck fills out the sweater nicely, muscles straining against the woven wool, and Eddie has to forcefully tear his eyes away from the view, reminding himself that admiring the boy’s physique is not something a friend would do. And that’s what they agreed to be: Friends.

They’re just about to head out when a knock at their door brings them both to a halt, Eddie sitting on the edge of their bed, lacing up his shoes, while Buck’s rearranging his curls in the bathroom mirror. They exchange a puzzled look as Buck steps out of the bathroom, and then he pulls open the door to reveal none other than Maddie standing there, looking nervous.

“Maddie? What’s up?” Buck asks, concerned.

For a moment, Maddie just stands there, shifting her weight from foot to foot. Then, she says, “I was wondering if... if I could come with you guys, after all. To the party?”

In an instant, Buck’s expression brightens.

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah,” Maddie confirms, not looking quite as certain as she’s clearly trying to sound. “I think it’ll be fun, and... I want to go.”

Buck’s head is eagerly bobbling before she’s even finished her sentence.

“Yeah! Yes! Of course you can come!”

His enthusiasm seems to quell some of his sister’s anxiety, and she smiles shyly as she says, “Great.”

“We were just about to head down,” Eddie informs her, pushing to his feet.

“Oh. Okay.” Self-consciously, she glances down at herself and asks, “Do I look alright? I only packed one dress, and I was saving it for tomorrow, so—”

Eddie gives her a warm smile. “You look great.”

And she does. She’s in a bright red turtleneck with black slacks and a pair of black ankle boots, and her long hair’s down and loosely curled. In fact, for someone who wasn’t planning on coming to this party, she looks surprisingly put together.

She returns his smile with a grateful one of her own, then gives a little giggle as Buck offers out his elbow to escort her downstairs, happily linking her arm with his.

The party’s being held in the dining hall, all the guests having cleared out since dinner, and when Eddie and the Buckley siblings step through the double doors, Eddie’s stunned by how the space has been completely transformed. Garlands wrapped in white Christmas lights have been strung up around the large room, red and green fabric tablecloths now adorn every table with tiny Christmas trees acting as centerpieces, two large Christmas trees frame the stage at the front of the room, and Christmas music plays from speakers mounted on the walls.

At the moment, everyone’s milling about, mingling, and it’s strange for Eddie to see the people he’s met these past few days out of their work clothes and in nice party attire. Honestly, he feels a little underdressed compared to them, but there’s nothing he can do about that now. So, he lets Buck take his hand and lead him around to groups of people to introduce him.

They start with Bobby and Athena’s families, who’re all gathered together in one corner of the room. He first meets Athena’s ex-husband, Michael, and Michael’s husband, David—both very handsome black men with the kindest smiles Eddie’s ever seen. Then he meets Bobby’s ex-wife, Marcy, a beautiful white woman with shoulder-length blonde hair and eyes nearly as blue as Buck’s. And then he meets all their children: May, Harry, Junior, and Brooke. The kids are all over Buck in a matter of seconds, and it’s clear they adore him, which makes Eddie’s heart skip a beat as he watches the boy joke with and tease them all.

Next, they move on to Hen and her family. If Eddie thought Marcy was beautiful, Hen’s wife, Karen, is even more so, with light brown skin and long hair twisted into locs, her features soft and open. And their son, Denny, is just as taken with Buck as the other kids were, peppering him with questions about school and football and, to Eddie’s embarrassment, Eddie. Buck enthusiastically answers everything the kid throws at him, though, never once looking or acting like engaging with the four-year-old is boring or beneath him like other people might.

After that, they greet some people Eddie’s met already—Ravi, Carla, Josh, and Chimney (who’d stuck himself to Maddie’s side like glue the moment they’d walked into the hall earlier)—and end their rounds with Bobby and Athena. As usual, the man’s wearing a white button-up under a black suit jacket, but Athena... She looks like a completely different person in a beautiful red dress that’s both classy and hugs her curves perfectly. If Eddie were a little older—and, well, straight—he thinks he would’ve fallen in love with her on sight. As it stands, it’s no mystery why Bobby married the woman.

“Buck. Eddie. I’m glad you guys could make it,” Bobby says, pulling Buck into a tight hug and shaking Eddie’s hand. “Dinner’s going to be starting shortly, if you want to take a seat. Anywhere you’d like.”

“Oh, Eddie, you’re gonna love this,” Buck enthuses. “Bobby cooks the whole meal by himself, every year. He’s the best chef.”

Bobby looks a little bashful at Buck’s praise and says, “Ah, I don’t know about that.”

“Wait, you cook it all yourself?” Eddie asks, glancing around at all the people gathered for the party, finding the claim hard to believe.

“I do, though I’ve hired kitchen staff for tonight to reheat and serve it to everyone.”

“He slaved away all last night,” Athena informs them, a smile that’s equal parts proud and exasperated tugging at her lips. “Didn’t come to bed until seven in the morning, and then he was back in the kitchen again this afternoon to cook the turkeys.”

The man gives a little shrug. “Had to make sure it was all perfect. It’s the least my hard-working staff deserves.”

“I’m sure it’ll be great. I can’t wait to taste it all,” Eddie says, and Bobby beams at him.

“You’ll have to let me know what you think.”

Athena shoos them away, then, with a wave of her hand. “Go on, now. Find a seat. And Merry Christmas Eve, boys.”

“Merry Christmas Eve,” they echo before heading off to find a table. Chimney and Maddie have already claimed one, so they join them at it, Buck taking the free seat beside his sister, who looks so much happier and lighthearted than she has in the entire six days Eddie’s known her. It’s like she’s a completely different person, her smile bright and unburdened, her posture loose and relaxed. She even laughs joyfully at some joke Chimney cracks as Eddie and Buck sit down.

A few minutes later, once the rest of the guests have taken their seats, Bobby climbs up onto the stage and, in a booming voice unaided by a microphone but clearly heard all the same, says, “Thank you all for coming tonight. It’s always an honor to me that you choose to spend your Christmas Eve here, with us, when I’m sure you could be doing plenty of other things. I hope you see this meal for what it is: A heartfelt thank you for the hard work all of you do for the resort every single day. This place would be nothing without you.

“I could go on, but I know you didn’t come here to listen to me get all sentimental. So, without further ado, I hope you enjoy your meal. Thank you.”

With that, he steps back down off the stage, and servers pour into the room, arms laden with steaming platters of turkey, ham, potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and vegetables, which are set in the center of every table for guests to help themselves. It’s almost an overwhelming amount of food, and it all smells absolutely incredible. The smell’s nothing compared to the taste, though. As he piles his plate high and takes his first bite, Eddie decides he’s never tasted anything better than this in his life. And that’s saying something, because his abuela is a fantastic cook.

“So, the two of you who’ve never tasted Bobby’s cooking before... What’s the verdict?” Chimney prompts, looking between Eddie and Maddie.

Maddie’s eyes are wide with wonder as she chews and swallows the bite she just took, and she says, “Oh my god. That’s incredible.”

“Amazing,” Eddie agrees around a second mouthful of turkey.

Buck beams like they just complimented his cooking rather than Bobby’s.

“Bobby’s a master in the kitchen,” he brags. “He’s even taught me a few things. Just breakfast foods so far, but he promised that next time we have a lesson, he’ll teach me his famous lasagna recipe.”

Eddie hums. “You’ll have to make me breakfast sometime when we get back to school, then. So I can report back to Bobby and let him know how you did.”

“Challenge accepted,” Buck agrees with a grin.

“Gosh, you two are too adorable for your own good,” Chimney interrupts. “How long have you been together?”

Before Eddie can speak, Buck, looking slightly panicked over being asked for details about their fake relationship, answers, “A, uh... A couple months.”

This makes Maddie frown, and Eddie barely manages to fight back a grimace. He knows what she’s about to say before she even says it.

“I thought you guys told me it’d only been a few weeks?”

“It has,” Eddie quickly agrees with a good-natured roll of his eyes. “Buck’s horrible at keeping track of dates and stuff.”

With a sheepish grin mixed with obvious relief over Eddie’s save, Buck shrugs. “Guilty as charged. I guess it’s just felt longer than it really has been.”

“What, is dating me so horrible the time drags for you?” Eddie teases, smirking at his friend.

To his surprise, Buck gives an emphatic shake of his head as he earnestly explains, “No, no, not at all. The opposite. It just feels like... like we’ve known each other forever. Like we’ve been together forever, even though it’s only been a... a few weeks.”

Eddie normally would’ve brushed that off as part of their act, but there’s something in the way Buck’s looking at him, eyes wide and honest, that makes him think there’s some truth to the boy’s words. It makes his heart flutter, and he quickly ducks his head to hide the blush creeping up his neck.

“Ugh,” Chimney groans, casting Maddie a playfully disgusted look that barely conceals a smile hidden underneath. “How do you put up with this?”

Maddie shrugs, smiling outright. “I like to see my brother happy.”

Chimney nods, finally letting his own grin break through as he says, “Yeah, it’s a nice look on him. Have you given Eddie the shovel talk yet?”

The man quirks an eyebrow at Eddie, and Maddie laughs.

“No,” she says, shaking her head. “And I don’t think I have to. Eddie... He’d never hurt Buck. I can tell.”

She meets Eddie’s eyes when she says this, her expression soft and completely trusting. It feels deeply meaningful to have her absolute faith, especially considering what Eddie can only imagine she’s experienced in her own relationship. The guilt over lying to her—to all these people—about his and Buck’s relationship weighs on him again, but he tries not to let it show. Instead, he gives a small nod and says, “I don’t intend to.”

“Yeah, well, just so you know,” Chimney says around a large mouthful of mashed potatoes, jabbing his fork in Eddie’s direction for emphasis, “if you do ever hurt our Buckaroo, you’re gonna have the wrath of everyone here in this room tonight raining down on you.”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Buck interrupts. “Please stop threatening my boyfriend.”

Chimney shrugs unapologetically. “Someone’s gotta. It’s only fair to let him know what he’s gotten himself into.”

“Trust me, if our parents haven’t scared him away yet, I don’t think anything will,” Maddie chuckles. “I’m pretty sure he and Buck are in this for the long haul.”

And, God, how Eddie wishes that were true. How he wishes he could nod along, knowing damn well he’d never let the boy beside him slip through his fingers. But Buck isn’t his to have. Isn’t his to keep. As a friend, maybe, but... nothing more. He can’t be. Even if he isn’t straight after all, and even if by some miracle he was interested in being more than friends, he deserves better than Eddie. More importantly, he deserves better than what Eddie can give him. Because Eddie... He’s going to be a father. He’s going to leave LA and go back home to El Paso. He’s going to stay closeted probably until the day he dies—or, at least, until the day his family’s dead and buried. And Buck... He can’t be a part of that. Eddie refuses to drag him down with him.

So, rather than outright agreeing with Maddie’s observation, what Eddie says instead is, “Only an idiot would ever let Evan Buckley get away.”

And that, at least, is one hundred percent completely the truth.

Chapter Text

After dinner, the party really kicks into full swing.

It starts out with some karaoke, which was apparently a big hit last year. The kids go first, treating everyone to many off-key renditions of famous Disney songs, and then the adults take over. Hen and Karen are the first ones brave enough to give it a try, singing a duet called “Take Me or Leave Me” from some musical. Maddie and Chimney step up next to sing “Islands in the Stream” by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers. Then Ravi performs “Your Man” by Josh Turner, hitting low notes that’re honestly pretty impressive. And then...

“We’ll go!” Buck calls out, hand shooting into the air, and Eddie stares at the boy in horrified, dumbfounded shock.

“Alright, then,” Bobby says, waving them toward the stage where he stands. “Come on up, Buck and Eddie!”

Panicked, Eddie furiously shakes his head as Buck grabs him by the elbow and tries to haul him to his feet.

“No, Buck, I don’t sing!”

Buck finally manages to get Eddie to stand and begins tugging him along as he says, “Neither do any of these other people. Come on, it’ll be fun! I’ve never had someone to do this with before!”

And that... Well. Damnit. That’s about the only thing he could’ve said to get Eddie to stop fighting.

Resigned to his fate, Eddie trudges up the stage’s steps and takes his place behind one of the two microphone stands that're set up. Buck, meanwhile, scrolls through the song bank on the karaoke machine until he finds something suitable and asks Eddie, “You know this one?”

Eddie glances at the screen, and his stomach does a little flip at the title.

“Yeah,” he barely manages to choke out. “I know that one.”

Looking pleased, Buck selects it, and "What I Like About You” by The Romantics starts to play.

It’s horribly awkward at first—for Eddie, at least. Buck gets into it immediately, holding his mic like a rockstar giving a concert as he kicks off the song, but Eddie can’t bring himself to do anything more than stand there with his arms hanging limply by his sides, face on fire. And when Buck finishes the first verse and enthusiastically points to Eddie to pick up with the chorus, Eddie desperately wishes the ground would open beneath him and swallow him whole.

Still, he sings, which clearly delights Buck. The boy then takes back over when they reach the second verse, and he even throws Eddie a wink when he croons about his lover knowing how to dance, which pulls a reluctant grin out of Eddie despite himself.

By the time the chorus comes back around, Eddie’s finally starting to get comfortable, so he reaches up to grab the microphone like Buck, putting more energy into his performance. And when the instrumental interlude begins, the two of them simultaneously break into dance—though, dancing might be too generous a word for what they’re doing. It’s more like jumping around and flailing their limbs wildly, headbanging like this is a hard rock song rather than a pop rock love song featuring a harmonica solo.

Eddie then takes the lead when it’s time for the final verse, meeting Buck’s eyes as he sings about his lover keeping him warm at night. Buck joyfully responds with the chorus, and then they go back and forth singing the final six “what I like about you”s before rounding out the song together.

The end of their performance is met with cheers and whistles from the audience, who, honestly, Eddie had completely forgotten about, so wrapped up in having a good time with Buck. Now, his embarrassment rushes back into him, though it’s also mixed with pride in himself for doing something so out of his comfort zone. He’s sure he sounded awful—Buck was only on key about half the time, so God only knows what Eddie was doing—but he can’t even bring himself to care.

When they step off the stage after receiving their applause and return to their table, they find Maddie and Chimney waiting for them, looking absolutely delighted.

“You guys did great!” Maddie enthuses with a little laugh.

Chimney nods in agreement. “Yeah! I mean, not as good as us, but still. That was pretty darn good.”

“Thanks, guys!” Buck says, face flushed with pride. He reaches out blindly and finds Eddie’s hand, tangling their fingers together. “That was a lot of fun.”

“It was,” Eddie admits.

They get to sit and watch a few other people brave the karaoke stage after that, and then someone turns on a playlist of dance music to blast over the speakers, prompting everyone to get to their feet and hit the dance floor. Eddie, of course, drags Buck out there—“As payback for volunteering me to do karaoke,” he teases—though this time he doesn’t try to teach the boy any specific steps. Instead, he simply urges his friend to feel the rhythm of the song and go with the flow. The problem with that, it turns out, is that Buck seems to be incapable of “going with the flow,” every move he makes stiff and awkward.

“Come on, gringo. It’s all in the hips,” Eddie laughs, placing his hands on Buck’s waist without really thinking about it and trying to get the boy to mimic his movements. This only manages to make Buck stiffen up more, however, his face turning tomato red.

“You might have to accept that I’m a lost cause, Eddie,” he says. “These hips do lie.”

Hen appears beside them, then, dancing with Karen as she calls over the music, “You’re fighting a losing battle there, Eddie. We’ve all tried to teach Buck to dance, and none of us have ever succeeded.”

“Hey, he got the hang of swing dancing the other day,” Eddie retorts. “Anything’s possible.”

“I admire your optimism,” Karen says with a smirk, and then she and Hen disappear into the crowd again.

Buck comes to a complete stop once the two women are gone, scrubbing his large hands over his face like he’s trying to wipe away his own embarrassment.

“I think I need to stop while I’m ahead. Spare myself what little dignity I have left.”

Eddie puts on a playful pout, also coming to a stop as he asks, “You’re really gonna leave me out here to dance all by myself?”

“You really want me out here making you look bad?” Buck counters.

“Technically, you’re making me look good because of how bad you are,” Eddie teases.

That earns him a scoff and a cocked eyebrow. “Oh, I see how it is. You’re willing to sacrifice my pride all for the sake of making yourself look better.”

“Hey, sometimes sacrifices have to be made.” Eddie gives Buck a mischievous grin that makes the boy laugh.

“Okay, fine. I’ll stay out here. Only for you.”

Only for you. Something about those words makes Eddie’s heart stutter. Like he’s special. Like what he wants—what would make him happy—is important to Buck.

Buck, who starts awkwardly moving his feet to the music again, just as uncoordinated as before. Eddie tries to keep his own moves simple so as not to show his friend up too much, but it’s hard not to show up the weird little shuffle step the boy’s doing. He also tries to keep his hands to himself this time, not wanting to make Buck uncomfortable.

After a while, they’re joined by a pack of kids, who all beg Buck to dance with them. It’s only then that he seems to loosen up, getting goofy for the sake of entertaining the children, whipping out moves like the disco and the shopping cart. The kids love this, mimicking him and showing off their own dances that they make up on the spot, some a bit more creative than others. All the while, Eddie watches on, heart full of fondness for his boyf—fake boyfriend.

“He’s good with them, isn’t he?” a voice suddenly speaks up in Eddie’s ear, making him jump. It’s Maddie, dancing with Chimney, though her attention’s on Eddie, giving him a knowing smile.

Eddie nods, blushing a little, embarrassed to have been caught swooning, even if that’s exactly what people would expect a boyfriend to be doing in this situation.

“He’s great with them.”

“He loves kids,” Maddie informs him. “Always has.”

Again, Eddie nods. “I know. He told me.”

Maddie cocks a playful eyebrow. “Oh yeah? You guys have talked about that? Planning on having some of your own?”

The flush on Eddie’s face grows deeper, and he averts his eyes, which happen to land back on Buck like they’re a compass needle, and he’s true north.

“Little too early to be thinking about that,” he deflects with a chuckle.

“Maybe,” the woman acquiesces. “He’s gonna be a great dad someday, though.”

That brings a small smile to Eddie’s lips, unbidden.

“Yeah. He is.”

He could be a great dad to your kid, a voice in his head unhelpfully supplies, and Eddie shoves the thought away immediately. That’s not what this is. That’s not what it can ever be.

Maddie and Chimney dance away after that, and then Eddie finds himself being pulled into the circle of dancing kids by Buck, who encourages him to “show off his amazing dance moves.”

So, of course, Eddie does the chicken dance.

This makes the kids giggle and squeal with glee, and even Buck lets out a loud, barking laugh before joining him. Soon enough, their whole group is flapping their wings and shaking their butts, the kids trying to put their own silly spins on the dance. This gets the kids’ parents’ attention, and they slowly start gravitating over, joining in on the fun. Bobby begins doing the robot, Hen and Karen bump hips, Michael takes Marcy’s hand and spins her around, and Athena does the sprinkler. It’s chaotic fun that only ends when Hen checks her watch and sighs, “We’d better get going, soon. Big day tomorrow.”

“Mmm-hmm. Time for y’all to call it a night, too,” Athena says to her kids.

All the children whine and complain about being forced to leave the party until Michael says, “Hey, hey, remember, Santa’s coming. You guys don’t want to make the naughty list at the last minute, do you?”

This works like a charm, the kids snapping their mouths shut instantly, and Eddie takes notes for when he has his own kid to reign in. Only May seems unconvinced, the nearly-thirteen-year-old likely too old to believe in Santa anymore, but she doesn’t argue or spoil the fun for the others. Instead, she helps to herd her brother and step-siblings toward the door with Michael, David, and Marcy. Hen and Karen follow behind them with Denny, while Athena and Bobby hang back to keep the party going for those without children.

With their entourage gone, Eddie and Buck take advantage of their newfound freedom by making their way over to the refreshment table, each snagging a glass of punch and downing it in two gulps. The ice-cold liquid is a relief after spending at least an hour out on the dance floor, and Eddie immediately reaches for a second glass.

“You ready to head up to bed, soon?” Buck asks, also grabbing another serving of punch.

“Yeah. I—”

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?”

They both turn to find Ravi approaching them, wearing a mischievous grin, one hand hidden suspiciously behind his back. He continues, “Two lovebugs trying to find a moment alone together?”

Buck eyes the boy warily. “What’s up, Rav?”

“Oh, nothing. Just saw you two over here and thought I’d come offer my services.”

Eddie frowns. “Your services?”

Is he talking about his ski patrol services? What does that have to do with the party or them getting some punch?

Suddenly, the boy whips his hidden hand out and dangles it over their heads. Pinched between his thumb and index finger is something green and leafy... Mistletoe.

“You know the rules,” he crows, raising his eyebrows at them. “Pucker up, kiddos.”

“Where’d you even get this?” Buck asks, trying to look annoyed, though it’s overshadowed by obvious nerves.

“Found it hanging over the door, but no one was stopping to kiss under it, so I thought I’d take matters into my own hands. Just call me Christmas Cupid.”

“I’ll call you something,” Buck grumbles.

Ravi shakes the mistletoe impatiently, then, and a couple of tiny bells woven into the greenery jingle as he says, “Come on, kiss. I haven’t got all day!”

The thing is, they haven’t kissed since... Well, since the hot tub. Since they agreed they were still friends. Just friends. So, Eddie isn’t sure if doing so is still on the table, or if that’s an invisible line in the sand that they’ve drawn. He also isn’t sure he wants to kiss Buck after what happened. It’s just... At this point, it’s torture. A reminder of what they did. What he’s had, and what he’ll probably never have again.

“Rav, we aren’t gonna—”

“Kiss!” Ravi insists, and then begins to chant, “Kiss, kiss, kiss...!”

Slowly, people nearby start to catch on and join in, and from there it spreads. The whole dance floor is chanting soon enough, Maddie and Chimney right front and center, watching the whole spectacle with shit-eating grins stretched wide across their faces.

Eddie and Buck exchange a nervous, awkward glance, having a whole conversation silently.

Are you okay with this? Eddie tries to ask.

Are you okay with this? Buck seems to ask back.

And, well. This is what he signed up for, isn’t it? Fake kissing included. And it isn’t like they can pretend they haven’t kissed before, or don’t like kissing in public, because Maddie knows better. She’s seen them kiss. So, there’s really only one thing to do, for the sake of not blowing their cover, if nothing else.

Eddie gives a small, nearly imperceptible nod, and Buck hesitates for one more second before he steps in, cups Eddie’s face between his hands, and kisses him.

It’s... sweet. Perfect. A careful yet firm press of Buck’s lips to Eddie’s. No tongue, not even an open mouth, and yet it sets Eddie’s entire body on fire.

This earns them their second round of applause for the night, and Eddie flushes at the attention, breaking off the kiss after a few seconds with a nervous chuckle. Buck echoes it, grinning at Eddie, blue eyes bright and shining.

“My work here is done,” Ravi announces, removing the mistletoe from above their heads and taking a step back. “Have a good night, you two. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

He gives them a charming wink, and then he’s gone.

Everyone else’s attention turns away from them, too, back to whatever they’d been doing before the interruption, leaving Eddie and Buck alone in their own little world once more.

“Sorry about that,” Buck murmurs, his smile suddenly falling as he ducks his head and drops his hands, using one to rub at the back of his neck.

“It’s fine,” Eddie reassures him, feeling slightly off kilter at the loss of Buck’s touch. “It’s... part of the job.”

For some reason, this seems to take the wind out of Buck’s sails completely, and he gives a slow nod as he says, “Right. Yeah. The job.”

Eddie isn’t sure what just happened, what he might’ve said wrong, but he feels the desperate urge to fix it, to make Buck smile again, so he offers, “You wanna dance?”

“Uh, no. No, I... I’m good. I think I’m ready to turn in for the night, actually. If... If you are.”

“Okay. Sure. Whatever you want.”

So, they track down Bobby and wish him and Athena a Merry Christmas, and then they head off to their room with the loudest silence Eddie’s ever heard hanging between them. Desperately, he tries to think of something to say that could break it, but nothing comes to mind, because he isn’t really sure what caused Buck’s sullen mood in the first place. Does he regret the kiss? Or is it something else?

As the boy unlocks their door and they step inside, Eddie finally settles on asking, “Buck, are you okay?”

Buck seems genuinely surprised by this question, and he blinks owlishly at Eddie for a moment before putting on the fakest smile Eddie’s ever seen and saying, “Yeah. I... I’m great. Never better.”

Eddie hums skeptically. “Uh-huh. So, you’re... You’re not upset about the kiss?”

“What? Why would I be upset about the kiss?” Buck asks with a forced chuckle. “Like you said, it was just part of the job.”

“You just... seem upset about something. And the kiss is the only thing that really happened.”

With a shake of his head, Buck insists, “I’m not upset about anything. I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.”

Which, it really has been. That much is true. But if there’s one thing Eddie’s come to be able to do over these past few days, it’s read Buck. And Buck is upset. That much is plainly obvious.

“Do you want to stop the kissing?” he offers. “If it’s making you uncomfortable, we don’t have to do it. I’m sure your parents would be grateful, and—”

“Is that what you want?” Buck asks, turning it back around on Eddie. His eyes are searching, studying Eddie’s face like he’s looking for something.

“I want whatever you want, Buck. You’re running the show, here.”

That, apparently, is the wrong thing to say, because the boy shuts down completely, squeezing his eyes closed and turning away from Eddie.

“Right,” he whispers. “Okay. Uh... Let’s just go to bed.”

As he begins to walk toward the dresser, Eddie grabs his arm to stop him.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on a sec. What just happened? What’d I do?”

“You didn’t do anything,” Buck promises, refusing to turn back around and look at Eddie. “You’re fine. I’m just tired.”

Eddie’s never heard such blatant bullshit in his entire life. Something’s going on here, and he’s going to get to the bottom of it.

“Buck, come on, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Clearly it’s something! It’s okay if you don’t want to kiss anymore, seriously. You just have to tell me so—”

Buck explodes.

“I want to keep kissing you, Eddie!” he shouts, throwing his hands in the air and yanking his arm out of Eddie’s grip in the process. Simultaneously, he whirls around to face Eddie again, eyes wide with distress. “That’s the problem! I want to keep kissing you, and... and not for this stupid show we're putting on for my parents. I want to kiss you because—”

He cuts himself off abruptly with a growl, scrubbing his hands down his face as he tries to compose himself. Meanwhile, Eddie’s left utterly shellshocked, not quite comprehending what Buck just said to him. The only word he can manage to choke out after a long, stunned beat is, “Because...?”

Buck drops down into a crouch, then, like his legs can’t support his full weight anymore, his hands still covering his face as he admits, “Because I did exactly what I said wouldn’t happen. I... I caught feelings. I like you, Eddie. A lot. And I... I’m so sorry, and... and embarrassed. I know this is just a job for you, and this isn’t what you signed up for, and I... I promise I didn’t mean to... to... I mean, I didn’t even know I was gay. Or... Or whatever the hell I am. I didn’t know, I swear. But the... the hand holding, and the kissing, and everything else, it’s... it’s too much, now. It’s too much because I want more, and I can’t have it, and I feel like a total creep for thinking these things about you, especially because you’re my friend and I... I want to be your friend, I do, and I just...”

The boy’s breathing is becoming more and more labored as he rambles on, and Eddie... He knows a panic attack when he sees one. So, he sets aside his own stunned, churning thoughts for a moment and instead focuses on helping his friend.

“Hey, Buck, breathe,” he instructs, crouching down to get on Buck’s level and gently wrapping his fingers around the boy’s wrists, drawing his hands away from his face. “You’re okay. It’s all okay, I swear. I’m not upset. I just need you to calm down.”

Unfortunately, this doesn’t seem to do much. Buck’s still creeping ever closer to hyperventilation, and Eddie’s pretty sure his words aren’t getting through at all. So, he decides to take a risk and prays it pays off rather than backfiring spectacularly.

Without a word of warning, he brings a hand to the back of Buck’s head, tangling his fingers in the boy’s curls, and drags him into a kiss.

It’s quick and a little rough, but it does the trick. Buck’s rapid breathing stops—in fact, he seems to stop breathing altogether for a moment—and he gapes at Eddie, dumbfounded. It takes a long time for him to gather himself, but when he finally does, his first question is, “Why’d you do that?”

“I read once that a shock to the system can stop a panic attack,” Eddie admits sheepishly. “That was the only thing I could think to do to... you know. Shock you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Then, he prompts, “So, you... You got upset because you... Because you like me?”

Buck lets out a humorless huff of a laugh. “Something like that, yeah.”

“And you feel bad for wanting to kiss me?”

“Amongst other things,” the boy confirms.

The thought of that—of all of this—is incomprehensible to Eddie. Never in his wildest dreams would he have ever thought Buck could actually have feelings for him. He’s... He’s Eddie. He’s nothing special. Not like Buck, who’s literally walking sunshine. Really, what’s Eddie in comparison to that? A dark cloud dragging everyone down around him.

“Buck, I...”

What does he say? Well, he knows what he wants to say. He wants to shout the truth from the rooftops: That he feels the same way about Buck. That he’s been falling deeper and deeper for the boy every single day since this trip began. That every kiss they’ve shared has been lifechanging, and that he loves nothing more than waking up in Buck’s arms every morning. But he can’t. He can’t make Buck one more casualty in the disaster of his life. What could he even offer him? A romance hidden in the shadows? Stolen kisses when no one’s looking and shame spirals from years of ingrained Catholic guilt? Buck deserves so much more than that.

His hesitation seems to send Buck into another panic, and the boy quickly stammers out, “I promise, Eddie, I can... I can get over this. Or... Or I can live with it, at least. We just might have to stop the... the kissing, like you said, but I... I want to stay your friend. Please, Eddie, I don’t want to lose you—”

“You’re not gonna lose me, Buck,” Eddie promises. That much he can say for certain. “Especially not over this. So just... relax.”

Buck, of course, does not relax. His shoulders are still tense, shrugged up to his ears like he’s a turtle trying to retreat into his shell.

“I promise, I didn’t know I was... like this,” he whispers. “I didn’t ask you to pretend to date me so I could be some... some creep.”

“I didn’t think you did.” Then, because he can’t stand to see Buck looking so ashamed, Eddie says, “I did know I was ‘like this’, and I still agreed to do this job without telling you. So. If anyone’s in the wrong here, it’s me.”

He holds his breath, waiting for Buck’s response. The boy doesn’t seem to understand what Eddie’s saying, at first, but then it clicks, and his jaw falls slack.

“Wait, you... you...?”

“Yeah, Buck. I’m...” The word once again tries to get stuck on its way out, but this time Eddie won’t let it. He has to be brave. For Buck. To make his friend feel better. “I’m gay.”

For a long moment, Buck simply stares at him. It makes Eddie want to squirm, to take the words back, but he can’t. He won’t. He should’ve been honest about this a long time ago, so he has no intention of going back on his decision now that the truth’s out there.

Finally, Buck asks, “Really?”

“Really.”

Neither of them seems to know where to go from here. They’re in uncharted territory, their secrets out in the open. Or, well, most of their secrets. Eddie’s still holding his deepest ones close to his chest.

“So... So did you...?” Buck stutters after a moment. “I mean, do you...?”

Eddie knows what the boy’s asking, even if he can’t bring himself to spit it out.

“Buck...” Now it’s Eddie’s turn to avert his eyes, to duck his head in shame and wish he could simply disappear.

Buck deflates. “No, right, yeah. Just because you’re... That doesn’t mean...”

And, God, Eddie can’t do this to Buck. He can’t let him think Eddie doesn’t want him that way.

“I’ve caught feelings, too,” he blurts, squeezing his eyes shut. “I have, Buck. Of course I have. You’re... You’re you. How could I not? But...”

“But?” Buck echoes, voice low and breathless.

“I’m no good for you. You deserve... You deserve so much better than me.”

“Eddie—”

“No, Buck, I’m serious,” Eddie insists, finally meeting the boy’s eyes again. “I’m a mess. No one knows I’m gay except Shannon. And, well, now you. But I can’t... I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell anyone else. It’s complicated. My life’s complicated. And you deserve better than complicated. You deserve better than some repressed, Catholic-guilt-ridden closet case.”

Buck frowns. “What if I don’t want better?”

That startles a disbelieving laugh out of Eddie, because he can’t be serious, right? He can’t seriously have heard what Eddie just said to him and decided it didn’t matter.

“How can you not want better?”

“Because there’s nothing better than you, Eddie. I don’t care if your life’s complicated. I don’t care if you never come out to anyone else. All I care about is getting to be with you.”

Eddie shakes his head. “You don’t mean that, Buck. You don’t get it.”

“I’m not an idiot, Eddie,” Buck snaps. “I understand just fine. And I know what I want. What I need to know now is what you want.”

Frustrated, Eddie shoots out of his crouch and storms a few steps into their room, running a hand through his hair. His heart’s racing, and his mind’s spinning, and he just doesn’t know how to answer Buck’s question. What does he want? What does he want? He wants Buck. Of course he does. But he doesn’t want to force the boy to stay in the closet just because he’s a coward. He doesn’t want to inevitably hurt one of the best friends he’s ever had. He doesn’t want to ruin their friendship by starting something that’s doomed to fail for a million different reasons.

A hand lands on his shoulder, and he startles. Buck’s standing now, too, hovering just behind Eddie, and his voice is earnest as he asks, “Eddie. What do you want?”

“You.”

The word comes out choked with shame. Shame over wanting a boy. Shame over being selfish. Shame over being weak. He should be rejecting Buck. He should be saving Buck from himself. Instead, he’s giving in.

The hand on his shoulder spins him around, and then he finds himself wrapped in Buck’s strong arms as the boy kisses him fervently. It’s sloppy and passionate, all tongue and teeth, and it’s glorious. Eddie melts, wrapping his arms around the boy’s neck, pulling him closer, closer, wishing more than anything that they could somehow merge, become one seamless creature, where there would be no way to know where Eddie ended and Buck began.

Meanwhile, Buck’s hands begin to wander, like he can’t get enough of Eddie, like he wants to explore every hill and valley of Eddie’s body. They slip under the back of Eddie’s shirt for a moment, running up the bare skin of his back, before dipping back down to slide over the curve of his ass and—

It happens in a split second. One moment, Eddie’s feet are firmly on the floor, and the next Buck is gripping the backs of his thighs and hoisting him off the ground. With a surprised yelp, he wraps his legs around Buck’s torso, and the boy chuckles before resuming their kiss. It’s one of the hottest things Eddie’s ever experienced, and his yelp turns into a moan as Buck’s tongue slips back into his mouth.

Buck’s moving, then, walking forward until his knees hit the edge of the bed, and he gently sets Eddie down on the mattress, slotting himself between Eddie’s spread legs. Eddie’s arms are still wrapped around the boy’s neck, fingers tangled in his curls, and Buck’s hands, free now that they aren’t holding Eddie up, dip to the hem of Eddie’s shirt, tugging it over his head and tossing it aside. Then, he takes advantage of their broken kiss by moving to latch his mouth onto Eddie’s neck instead, licking and sucking at the sensitive skin there.

“Ugh, Buck,” Eddie grunts, eyes rolling back with pleasure. “Fuck.”

Buck’s mouth begins to trail down, his tongue and teeth exploring the curve where Eddie’s neck meets his shoulder, the hollow of his throat, the space between his pecs. He then moves to Eddie’s left nipple, teasing it with gentle licks that send shockwaves of pleasure straight down to Eddie’s already painfully hard erection before moving on to the other. The sensation pulls a whimper from Eddie, and Buck’s hands, which have been resting on Eddie’s hips, tighten their grip.

“Fuck, you’re so hot,” Buck growls, continuing his exploration of Eddie’s body, trailing more sloppy kisses down his abs and coming to a halt at the waistband of his jeans. The boy then shifts so he’s resting on his knees and looks up at Eddie through long, thick lashes as he says—or, rather, pleads, “Want to suck your dick, Eddie. Want to taste you so bad. Can I? Please?”

His voice is rough and needy, almost desperate. Honestly, it’s a miracle that alone doesn’t make Eddie come undone right then and there. He barely manages to hold himself together, breathing through the overwhelming wave of lust as he pleads right back, “Do it. Please. God, I want your mouth on me so fucking bad.”

The boy’s eyes light up with delight, and without another word his fingers are fumbling with Eddie’s belt and the zipper of his jeans, like he can’t get the pants off fast enough. He finally manages to undo them, and Eddie leans back a bit on the bed and lifts his hips to allow Buck to slide them—and his underwear—down to his ankles.

As Eddie’s cock springs free, Buck eyes it hungrily, and Eddie wets his lips in anticipation. He’s never wanted anything more than he wants to feel Buck’s mouth on him right now. The boy, however, doesn’t take it in his mouth or even his hand. Instead, he suddenly becomes shy as he looks up at Eddie through his lashes again and admits, “I, uh... I’ve never done this before. Obviously. So, just... If it’s bad... I mean, just tell me, and I can... I can try something new, or...”

“Buck,” Eddie says fondly, his lust taking a backseat for the moment as he props himself up on his elbows and reaches out to run a hand through the boy’s curls. “I’ve never done this—done anything—with a guy, either. So just... do what feels right. I’m not judging you, I promise.”

This seems to successfully embolden Buck, because he gives a determined nod, jaw set, and slowly reaches out to take Eddie’s dick in his hand. Even that alone has Eddie gasping with pleasure, thrilled to finally get some form of relief. Buck gives a few experimental tugs of his large, callused hand that have Eddie seeing God, and then, with great care, he uses his tongue to experimentally lick at the slit of Eddie’s cock.

“Fuck. Oh, holy fuck, yes,” Eddie gasps. He surprises himself with this, as he’s never been a particularly loud person in bed, though maybe that’s because he’s never slept with someone he’s been sexually attracted to before. It’s almost overwhelming, how turned on he is. How different this feels from the few times he and Shannon have had sex. But he loves it. He never wants to go back, never wants another woman to touch him like this again. Not now that he knows what it feels like for a boy—for Buck—to touch him.

Buck gives a few more careful licks, then wraps his lips around Eddie and takes him into his mouth. The sensation of being surrounded by wet heat sends a shock through Eddie’s whole body, so strong he nearly comes. And the feeling’s only intensified by the sight of Buck, on his knees, swallowing Eddie’s cock down inch by inch. He nearly manages to take the whole thing, but he ends up gagging as the tip hits the back of his throat, and he has to draw off, eyes watering.

Eddie gives a slightly deranged little chuckle. “Careful.”

“You’re so big,” Buck responds, stroking his hand up and down Eddie’s erection again, his spit acting as lubricant this time, making the sensation even better. He looks almost in awe as he says this, like he can’t believe what he just had in his mouth. “So fucking big.”

To be honest, Eddie actually thinks he’s pretty average—maybe on the slightly larger side, but not by much—but he doesn’t dispute the boy’s complement. Instead, he tangles his fingers in Buck’s hair and holds his gaze as he gently pushes his head back down, an eyebrow quirked in challenge as he asks, “You think you can handle it?”

Like a puppy eager to please, Buck nods frantically. “Yeah. Yeah, I can.”

And with that, he dives back in, careful not to take Eddie too deep this time as he bobs his head up and down. Every time he pulls back off to the tip, he swirls his tongue around and laps at it like it’s an ice cream cone, and Eddie nearly passes out with pure ecstasy. He’s never had a blowjob that felt like this. Shannon’s had always been... perfunctory. They weren’t her favorite thing to do, and she’d always kept to the basics, the bare minimum to get Eddie off. Buck, though... What he lacks in experience and skill, he makes up for tenfold with enthusiasm.

It only takes a few minutes for the quickly coiling tension in Eddie’s gut to reach the point of no return, and he urgently tugs at Buck’s hair in warning as he gasps, “Buck, I’m gonna... I’m gonna come.”

Instead of pulling back, Buck redoubles his efforts, hollowing his cheeks and picking up speed. This is all it takes to tip Eddie over the edge, and he lets out a strangled cry as he comes hard, spurting violently down the back of Buck’s throat. The boy swallows it all, letting out a low moan, and Eddie glances down just in time to see Buck’s hand cup his own dick through his jeans, the fabric darkening as he comes, too. It’s so hot, Eddie doesn’t know what to do with himself. The vision of that alone will help him get off for the next twenty years, he thinks.

“Holy shit,” he chokes out as Buck pulls off his cock. “That was...”

“Good?” the boy asks, voice timid and hopeful, and Eddie can’t help but laugh breathlessly.

“Better than good, Buck. Incredible. Fuck.”

Buck looks exceptionally pleased with himself as he pushes to his feet, pulling Eddie into a deep, searing kiss before walking over to the dresser to find something to change into. Eddie, meanwhile, pulls his boxer briefs back up while kicking his shoes and pants off the rest of the way.

“You’ve really never done that before?” he can’t help but ask. “Because you definitely seemed like you knew what you were doing.”

Buck doesn’t glance back at Eddie, instead staring into the dresser drawer he has open and giving a sheepish shrug as he says, “I mean, I’ve gotten blowjobs before, so I know how it works. And...”

When he doesn’t continue, Eddie furrows his brow and prompts, “And?”

“I... I might’ve Googled... some things.”

A snort escapes Eddie despite himself, and he quickly fixes his face as Buck turns to glare at him.

“It’s not funny!” the boy whines.

“No, it’s not,” Eddie agrees unconvincingly. Then, he can’t help but ask, “When’d you have time to Google that? I’ve been with you pretty much twenty four-seven.”

A pretty, pink blush floods Buck’s face as he admits, “Last night. You were asleep, and I couldn’t sleep, so...”

“Huh. And, uh, did Google tell you to do that thing with your tongue?”

“Oh, shut up,” Buck grumbles, returning his attention to the dresser.

Eddie shakes his head, barely fighting back a grin. “No, I’m serious. The tongue thing was great. I’ll have to try it on you, next time.”

The words slip out, and now it’s his turn to blush as Buck’s head whips around, a pleased smile lighting up his face.

“Yeah? Next time?”

“If... If you want there to be a next time,” Eddie says with a shy shrug.

Buck’s nodding vigorously before Eddie’s even finished his sentence. “I do. I really, really do.”

“Me too.”

And he means it. It’s funny... He’d always expected to be overcome with some horrible, overwhelming sense of guilt if he ever finally gave in and did something like this with a boy. He supposes he sort of felt it the other night, after the hot tub, but that guilt had stemmed from a million different things that had little to do with religion. Now, though? There’s not an ounce of guilt or regret in his body. Sex with Buck... It felt right in a way nothing else in Eddie’s life ever has, and he doesn’t see how something like that could ever be wrong.

So, yeah. He wants to do this again. He wants to do this every day for the rest of his life. He isn’t sure how it’s going to work, how he’ll be able to have a relationship with Buck and keep his sexuality a secret from his parents, but... If Buck says he’s willing to try, then Eddie isn’t going to stop him.

Who knows? Maybe, for once in his life, things might work out for him after all.

Chapter Text

For the very first time, when Eddie wakes up with Buck wrapped around him the next morning, he doesn’t try to carefully get free of the boy’s long limbs. Instead, he allows himself to enjoy it. He nestles a little deeper into the warm circle of Buck’s arms, breathes in Buck’s scent, revels in the feeling of Buck’s muscular body pressed against his. The only thing that could make it better would be if he never had to leave. If he could lay in this bed with Buck for the rest of eternity.

Buck stirs into consciousness about five minutes later, his arms seeming to instinctually tighten around Eddie’s torso. He nuzzles the back of Eddie’s neck, pressing a gentle kiss right at the nape, and that simple, sweet gesture makes Eddie’s heart soar. He never in a million years dreamed that he could have this. A boy to wake up with, to kiss, to be his. He always thought that, at the most, he’d have to settle for one-night stands that would leave him feeling cheap and empty. With Buck, he feels anything but that.

“Morning,” Buck mumbles into Eddie’s skin, causing a shiver to run down his spine.

“Morning,” he replies breathlessly. He’s a little afraid Buck will pull away now that he’s awake, maybe want some space, but instead he continues to hug Eddie closer. “Sleep well?”

Eddie can feel Buck nodding as he says, “Amazing.”

“Me too.”

“We’re gonna have to figure out how we can keep doing this—” Buck tightens his arms around Eddie for a moment to demonstrate what he means. “—once we get back to school. I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep without you after being spoiled for two weeks.”

And, well... That’s going to be a problem, isn’t it? Because how are they going to keep doing this when they get back to school? Eddie knows for a fact that Buck and some of his teammates live in a glorified frat house, and although Eddie’s roommate, Jake, generally minds his own business and keeps to himself, he’s bound to notice Buck coming and going. Though, then again, it isn’t like Jake would tell anyone worth worrying about, if he told anyone at all. It’s more of Eddie’s general anxiety over coming out to anyone that’s the real problem.

Not wanting to bring down the mood with his spiraling thoughts, Eddie forces lightheartedness into his voice as he says, “I’m sure we’ll figure something out.”

He then rolls so he and Buck are now facing each other, the tips of their noses nearly brushing. The moment his eyes meet Buck’s, his heart skips a beat, and all his worries wash away. They will figure something out. Eddie has no intention of letting this beautiful boy slip through his fingers, if he can help it. So, if he has to come out to his disinterested roommate... he’ll suck it up and do it. After all, it’s just one person.

“Hi,” he whispers, and Buck grins at him.

“Hi. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.”

To be honest, Eddie had completely forgotten the holiday, too wrapped up in everything that’s happened between him and Buck. Now, though, he’s excited. He gets to spend Christmas with the boy of his dreams. A boy he gets to hug, and kiss, and do unspeakable things to, not because they’re fake dating, but because they’re actually dating. Or, well, something close to that. Eddie supposes the two of them haven’t exactly discussed what they are to each other after last night.

But they can worry about the details of their relationship later. For now, Eddie simply grins back at Buck and asks, “Are you my Christmas present?”

In response, Buck presses a leisurely, lingering kiss to Eddie’s lips before retorting, “That depends. Are you interested in unwrapping me?”

“Always.”

Buck laughs, and it’s the most beautiful sound Eddie’s ever heard. He wants to make Buck laugh like that all the time, as often as possible, so he can experience it over and over and over again.

God, he really is gone for this boy, isn’t he?

“What do you say we hop in the shower together, then? Get ready to spend the morning with my family?”

Eddie considers this. “The shower part sounds great. Your family, on the other hand...”

Success. Buck laughs again. Eddie resists the urge to pat himself on the back for it. Barely.

“I know, I know,” the boy agrees. “But I want to see—”

“Maddie,” Eddie finishes for him, and Buck nods.

“Yeah.”

With a put-upon sigh, Eddie says, “Fine. We’ll spend Christmas with your family. But I’m not gonna be nice to your parents or Doug just because it’s a holiday.”

“I wouldn’t want you to be,” Buck reassures him. Then, he presses one more quick kiss to Eddie’s lips before pulling away and rolling off the bed, Eddie following close behind.

They manage to keep their hands to themselves on the walk to the bathroom, but the second they pass the threshold all bets are off. They crash into each other, their kisses frantic and hungry as they make quick work of stripping each other down. Buck somehow manages to get the shower running without breaking the kiss, and then they’re stepping into the hot stream of water together.

This—showering with someone else—is something Eddie’s never done with anyone before, and he’s shocked by just how erotic it really is. The way the water makes Buck’s skin slick and shiny is intoxicating, and it feels... vulnerable to be standing here, naked and wet, with another person.

Buck wastes no time in pushing Eddie back against the shower’s cold tile wall, their bodies about as close as they can possibly be, Buck’s dick fully hard and pressing into Eddie’s thigh, which is slotted between his legs. Eddie can’t hold in a gasp of shock, and he mumbles against the boy’s lips, “Holy shit, you’re huge.”

Bigger than Eddie, for sure. Longer, and maybe even a little thicker. Suddenly, Eddie has the overwhelming need to get his hands on it, so he pushes Buck back just enough that he can reach down between them and give it a deliberate pump, pulling a moan out of the boy.

“Eddie, fuck. Feels so good,” Buck groans. He reaches down and takes Eddie in his hand, then, and Eddie’s head falls back against the shower wall as ecstasy shoots from his cock through his whole body.

Together, they jerk each other off, moving in synchronicity. They start slow, but quickly pick up speed, their free hands all the while desperately gripping at each other. Eddie’s short nails dig into Buck’s shoulder, while Buck’s callused fingers squeeze Eddie’s hip hard enough to bruise. As they both creep closer and closer to the edge, their movements become a bit sloppier, less finessed, but that only turns Eddie on more. The idea of both of them, made desperate with lust, is addicting.

That familiar tension is coiling in Eddie’s gut when Buck suddenly says, “Here, Eddie, wait. Stop... Stop for a sec.”

Of course, Eddie stops immediately, though he isn’t sure why until Buck’s dick is being pressed up alongside his, the boy’s large hand now stroking them as one. And holy mother of God, that’s impossibly hot. Eddie whimpers, moving his now-free hand up to clutch at Buck’s other shoulder as he buries his face in the crook of his neck.

“Oh my god, Buck. Buck. I’m gonna...”

“Yeah... Yeah, me too...”

“Ugh... Ahh...” Eddie grunts as he comes first, Buck’s fist coaxing long spurts of cum out of his cock and onto his stomach. The boy follows quickly after with a gasp, his own cum also painting Eddie’s stomach. And maybe it’s a little insane, but Eddie... He wants to know what the two of them taste like. So, once he’s caught his breath, he reaches down and drags his fingers through the spend on his abs before bringing them to his mouth.

Buck watches him do this with his mouth agape, though not with disgust. No, Eddie can tell the boy likes it. A lot. There’s desire in his eyes, as well as a sort of possessiveness that makes Eddie’s dick give a feeble twitch, as if trying to get hard again already.

“Fuck...” Buck whispers reverently. Then, he drops to his knees and, still holding eye contact with Eddie, licks a long stripe up Eddie’s stomach with a flat tongue, gathering up the rest of their combined cum and swallowing it.

Ludicrously, the first and only thought that comes to Eddie’s mind at that is I love you. Which he absolutely cannot say, because... Well, first of all, they’ve only really known each other for a week, and second of all, they just finished doing... that. Now isn’t the time for premature love confessions. So, instead, Eddie cups Buck’s face between his hands and draws the boy back up to his feet for a deep kiss. It tastes a bit like them—salty, and musky—and Eddie revels in it.

They actually use the shower for its intended purpose after that, taking turns scrubbing each other’s hair and body, but it takes twice as long as it normally would because they keep stopping every few minutes to kiss. By the time they finally climb out, they’re running late and have to rush to make it to Margaret and Phillip’s room on time, their hair still damp as they knock on the door.

Phillip’s the one who answers, and he gives Eddie and Buck a tense smile as he steps aside to let them in and says, “Merry Christmas, boys.”

“Merry Christmas, Dad,” Buck responds, while Eddie gives the man what he hopes at least somewhat passes as a polite smile in return.

Maddie greets them next, pulling Buck into a hug first, and then Eddie, also wishing them both a Merry Christmas. Eddie’s smile turns genuine as he accepts her embrace and wishes her a Merry Christmas, too.

Margaret sits on the edge of her and Phillip’s bed, hardly acknowledging Eddie and Buck’s arrival at all, and Doug’s seated in one of four folding chairs the Buckleys must’ve brought with them for today, his own smile so paper thin he might as well be outright scowling. Eddie suspects his sour mood has something to do with Maddie attending the party last night, and that suspicion’s only reinforced when Maddie takes the seat beside her husband and he not-so-subtly withdraws his hand when she tries to hold it. Thankfully, this doesn’t seem to upset her like it usually might’ve. In fact, she hardly seems to notice the man’s bad mood at all, still grinning happily at the rest of her family.

“You two can help yourselves to some breakfast, and then we’ll get to opening presents,” Phillip instructs, gesturing to a spread of food set out on the counter in his and Margaret’s little kitchenette, which Eddie and Buck absolutely do help themselves to. Eddie’s practically ravenous after his and Buck’s... activities both last night and this morning.

Once they have their plates loaded up with eggs, bacon, sausage, hashbrowns, and cinnamon rolls, Eddie and Buck sit down in the remaining two folding chairs, and then the gifting begins.

Margaret and Phillip kick things off by passing out beautifully wrapped presents to their children and Doug. Maddie unwraps hers first, revealing a sparkling diamond necklace in a black jewelry box.

“Oh, wow! Mom, Dad, this is gorgeous,” she gushes, holding it up for the rest of them to see.

Margaret beams at her daughter. “For all those formal dinners Doug takes you to.”

Subtly, Buck leans over and whispers in Eddie’s ear, “Maddie hates diamonds. She thinks they’re unethical and gaudy.”

This new information reframes everything Eddie has watched unfold. Maddie’s enthusiasm now seems a little forced, her smile not as genuine as he’d assumed it to be. He has to give her credit, though. She’s a great actress.

Doug opens his gift next. It’s a knitted turtleneck sweater that doesn’t seem to be his style at all, though you'd never know it from his reaction. He simply thanks the Buckley parents before tucking the shirt back into the box he pulled it from.

Then, it’s Buck’s turn, and Eddie finds himself on edge as the boy tears into the wrapping paper. He doesn’t want this to be a horrible gift. He doesn’t want anything to ruin Buck’s Christmas. He prays to God or whoever else might be out there that Margaret and Phillip actually put some care into choosing a present for their son.

To Eddie’s relief, it turns out to be a nice silver watch, which definitely isn’t the worst gift in the world. It just doesn’t seem very... personal. It isn’t even engraved or anything. But Buck smiles, thanks his parents, and clasps it around his left wrist.

He and Maddie hand over their gifts for their parents and each other after that. These presents seem much more personal, like the siblings actually put thought into who they’re for and what the recipient would like. From Maddie, there's an expensive set of golf clubs for Phillip, an elegant bracelet for Margaret, and a nice cooking set for Buck. And from Buck, there's a new tie for Phillip, a cozy mystery novel for Margaret, and a foot massager for Maddie (“Since you’re on your feet all the time for your job,” he explains).

Finally, the couples exchange their gifts. Margaret and Phillip announce they’ve jointly agreed to save their money to go on a cruise in the summer. Doug gives Maddie a new dress—also for the formal dinner parties he apparently drags her along to—and she gives Doug a state-of-the-art stethoscope with his name engraved on the drum. And then...

“It’s not much,” Eddie rushes to say, pulling the little book from his back pocket, where he’s had it hidden. “And I didn’t have a chance to wrap it, because this was all sort of last minute, but...”

Bashfully, he hands it over, and Buck’s grin is a mile wide as he reads the title aloud.

“One Hundred (And One!) Fun Facts to Share With Friends?”

Eddie smirks as he adds, “Or boyfriends. And I expect to hear about every fun fact you learn.”

“This is great, Eddie. Thank you,” Buck says sincerely, his eyes looking a little glossy with emotion. Eddie hopes he feels seen and loved, even if the gift isn’t as flashy as the ones the Buckleys have been exchanging.

Buck then pulls something out of his own pocket. It’s a small, rectangular jewelry box, and when Eddie pops it open he finds himself looking down at a silver medallion on a thin necklace chain. Carved into the medallion is the image of a man with a child on his shoulder, the words “St. Christopher Protect Us” engraved around the edge.

“I, uh... I looked it up. He’s the patron saint of travelers.” There’s an anxious energy radiating off Buck now, like he’s nervous about his choice of gift and if Eddie will like it. “I know you said you’ve been kind of drifting away from Catholicism, but I still thought this could maybe, like, protect you whenever you have to drive somewhere. You know, if I can’t drive you, for some reason.”

“Buck, this is... Wow. Thank you.” Now it’s Eddie’s turn to get a little choked up, to feel seen and loved. Because Buck had remembered. He'd remembered Eddie’s story about his fear of driving, and he’d remembered what Eddie had said about his Catholic upbringing—something Eddie’s pretty sure he’d only mentioned in passing.

Of course, the Buckley parents just can’t keep their mouths shut.

“Really, Evan, you couldn’t have gotten him something a little nicer?” Margaret chides. “That’s just a piece of cheap costume jewelry.”

Phillip nods in agreement. “Your mother’s right. If he’s your boyfriend, don’t you think you should spend more than a few bucks on his present?”

Eddie wants to snap at them. Tell them that he’d rather have something cheap that means something to him than something expensive that means nothing. But he doesn’t want to ruin Christmas for everyone else by picking another fight. So, instead, he simply turns to Buck, cradling the boy’s face in his hands, and stares into those big blue eyes as he earnestly says, “I love this gift. Thank you.”

“Yeah?” Buck breathes, his expression that’d been flickering with doubt turning to hope.

“Yeah.” Then, Eddie kisses the boy for good measure before pulling back and promptly slipping the chain over his head.

Margaret and Phillip don’t seem very happy that Eddie shut down their bullshit, but they also don’t push the subject any further. Instead, Phillip stands and begins gathering up all the discarded wrapping paper to throw away while everyone else gets ready to head downstairs for the “official” Christmas party.

“This party’s a lot different than the one last night,” Buck warns Eddie. He drops his voice to a conspiratorial whisper and adds, “More boring.”

Snickering, Eddie nods. “Duly noted.”

And Buck isn’t wrong. The energy is completely different when they step into the dining hall. Instead of music playing from the mounted speakers, there’s a jazz band performing low-key, almost sleepy renditions of classic Christmas songs, and all the conversations in the room are muted, lacking any sort of energy. Most people stand around sipping champagne from delicate glass flutes, and the few people who’ve taken to the dance floor are gently swaying rather than having dance battles with children. In fact, there’re hardly any children present at all, and the ones who are look downright miserable in stiff clothes and carefully styled hair.

“Margaret, Phillip. So glad you could make it,” Bobby greets the Buckley parents, materializing beside them. He and Phillip shake hands, and Margaret gives him a thin smile. Then, he moves on to shake Doug’s hand as he says, “Doug, Maddie. Glad to see you as well.”

“The place looks exquisite, Robert,” Margaret complements, glancing around. It’s all the same decorations from last night, but that’s about the only thing that’s the same.

“You’ve really outdone yourself this year,” Phillip agrees with his wife, also taking in the view.

Bobby shakes his head with a small smile. “It was all Athena. She picked everything out and supervised the crew setting it all up.”

“Speaking of, where is your lovely wife?” Doug asks, an arm wrapped around his own wife’s waist.

“Oh, she’s around here somewhere. I’m sure she’ll stop by to say hello soon.”

They make a bit more small talk, and then the two married couples wander off to grab drinks and mingle, leaving Eddie and Buck alone with Bobby, who claps Buck on the shoulder.

“Merry Christmas, kid. You have a good day so far?”

Buck glances sideways at Eddie for a second before nodding. “Yeah, actually. It’s been great.”

That answer seems to please the man, who then turns to Eddie and asks, “And you, Eddie?”

“Today’s been perfect,” Eddie replies, squeezing Buck’s hand.

“Glad to hear it. Well, you boys enjoy yourselves. Have some drinks. Dance. And Buck, make sure you find Athena. I’m sure she’ll want to wish you a Merry Christmas, too.”

“Will do,” Buck promises. “Merry Christmas, Bobby.”

The man leaves them to their own devices after that, and Eddie cocks an eyebrow at Buck.

“So, how do rich people entertain themselves at these things?”

With a wince, Buck admits, “Drinking and gossiping, mostly.”

“Hm. Drinking might be nice. I’m not a big gossip, though.”

“You’ll have a hard time fitting in, then,” Buck teases. “I’m not sure these people know how to do anything but gossip.”

Eddie nods, studying Buck with a smirk. “What about you, then? Do you like to gossip?”

To his surprise, Buck hesitates before giving a reluctant, embarrassed shrug and admitting, “It can be fun, sometimes.”

This startles an inelegant snort out of Eddie, earning him a few side-eyes from other guests standing nearby. “Wait, really? You’re a gossip?”

“I know some things about these people, yeah. Like...” Buck scans the room, then discretely directs Eddie’s attention to a man and woman who’re currently talking with Margaret and Phillip. “...them. That’s Michael and Renee Parks. Husband and wife, and notorious swingers.”

“What?” Eddie gasps, turning wide eyes to Buck. “Really?”

“Yep. Tried to recruit Mom and Dad more than once.” Buck shudders at the thought of this. “They swing with a few other couples here at the resort... Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, and Mr. and Mrs. Hewett.”

Buck points these couples out, too, and now Eddie feels like his eyes have been opened to a hidden underbelly of the resort and the upper class.

“What else do you know?” he finds himself asking with an embarrassing amount of intrigue. Buck, luckily, is more than happy to oblige.

“That guy over there, the one who’s about our age? His name’s Jacob, and he got arrested last year for running an underground brothel at his college.”

“No way.”

“Way. The only reason he’s not in prison right now is because his dad paid big money to hire one of the best lawyers in the country, who somehow managed to get him off scot-free.”

“Holy shit.”

“And them over there? Those three old ladies who look like they walked off the set of The Golden Girls? Everyone here knows they’re running a huge drug smuggling operation.”

Now Eddie gives Buck a skeptical look. “Okay, you’re making that up.”

“I’m not. Swear to God,” Buck insists. “They’ve got this whole Breaking Bad thing going on. Almost got busted once, but the police just can’t get anything solid on them. They’re a bunch of sharks.”

“And how’d you find any of these things out?” Eddie asks, still a little reluctant to believe these outlandish tales Buck’s weaving.

“I’ve been coming here since I was five, Eddie. I’ve grown up around these people. I see and hear things. Sometimes people tell me things. In fact...” Buck scans the crowd, then tugs at Eddie’s hand to get him to follow. “...let’s go straight to the source. If you want to know all the best gossip, you’ve got to talk to ‘the help’. They see and hear everything.”

“The help,” in this case, is Chimney, who’s standing at the drink table, setting out fresh flutes of champagne. Buck doesn’t even bother with pleasantries as they approach the man, just dives right in with, “Chim, tell Eddie what you told me about the Washington sisters.”

“You mean the drug smugglers?” Chimney asks, and Eddie’s jaw drops in disbelief.

“Wait, you’re serious?” he sputters.

Chimney cocks an eyebrow at Eddie. “Yeah? Why would I lie about that? Those old biddies are straight out of Breaking Bad. They’ve got some real Heisenberg shit going on.”

“And Bobby still lets them stay here?” That’s the thing that’s the most unbelievable to Eddie.

“Oh, they don’t do anything illegal while they’re here. Just lots of phone calls and whispers. They threatened me once when I accidentally overheard the tail end of one of their conversations. Said they could make me disappear if I told anyone what I’d heard.”

Eddie frowns. “What’d you hear?”

“Like I’d tell you? I don’t want to disappear!” Chimney retorts.

Buck gives Eddie a smug smirk. “See? I told you so!”

“What’re you doing, catching him up on all the resort’s hottest gossip or something?” Chimney asks, and Buck nods.

“Yeah. Eddie here says he’s not into gossip, but he’s been hanging on every word so far.” He accompanies this accusation with another smirk aimed at Eddie, who drops the boy’s hand so he can cross his arms defensively.

“I have not!”

“Yes, you have. Admit it, you like gossip.”

“I don’t.”

“Fine. Then I won’t tell you about the couple who burned their six hundred-thousand-dollar house down trying to commit insurance fraud.”

And, damnit. Eddie does want to hear about that. So, with a resigned sigh, he says, “Okay. Maybe I like it a little bit.”

“Ha! I knew it! Okay, so you see those two over there...?”

That’s how they spend the next hour, hovering by the refreshments table, Buck and Chimney working together to give Eddie every drop of gossip they have about each of the resort’s guests. Some of it’s normal stuff, like people behaving badly to staff or trying to steal something after their stay, and some of it’s much juicier.

All the while, Eddie watches Chimney glance longingly across the room at Maddie every few minutes. It’s like she’s a magnet his eyes are naturally drawn to. And the thing is, Eddie catches Maddie looking at Chimney, too, just as longingly, even as she hangs onto Doug’s arm or accompanies him to the dance floor.

Finally, he just can’t take it anymore, and he drops his voice to a whisper as he asks Chimney, “Have you ever told Maddie how you feel about her?”

This seems to catch the man off guard, and his cheeks glow crimson as he splutters, “What? What do you mean?”

Buck’s staring at Eddie with wide eyes, like he can’t believe he’s bold enough to ask this outright. But, to be honest, Eddie doesn’t see what the harm is in confronting this. Maddie’s unquestionably miserable with Doug, and she and Chimney definitely have a connection. Maybe a little push is all they need.

“You clearly like her, and she obviously feels the same. Why don’t you say something?” he elaborates.

“I... I... First of all, Maddie’s... She’s married!” Chimney exclaims.

“Yeah, to Doug,” Eddie says with distaste, wrinkling his nose.

Chimney waves his arms around wildly, like he doesn’t know what to do with them. “Yeah! To Doug! And... And she definitely doesn’t feel that way about me. We’re just... We’re just friends!”

“Sure, but you could easily be more. If she knew you were an option, maybe she’d get smart and dump that asshole.”

Looking desperate—and slightly manic—Chimney turns to Buck and pleads, “Can you talk some sense into your boyfriend?”

To Eddie’s delight, Buck simply shrugs and says, “I mean, he’s right.”

“What? Okay, knock it off. Neither of you is funny.”

Eddie shakes his head. “Not being funny. I’m a hundred percent serious. Doug’s a douchebag and Maddie deserves better.”

“That... This... We’re not doing this,” Chimney finally decides, throwing his hands in the air. “We’re supposed to be gossiping about guests, not me. I’ve got work to do. I’ve gotta go.”

With that, he spins around and practically sprints away. Eddie feels a little bad about maybe pushing the issue too hard, but then Buck lets out a little laugh and says, “That was great, Eddie. Seriously.”

“Yeah? You don’t think I crossed a line or anything?”

“Only a line that needed to be crossed. You saw him and Maddie at the party last night. They’d be so much happier together. Maybe you saying those things will get him to finally make a move.”

There’s genuine hope in Buck’s eyes, so different from a few days ago, when Eddie had suggested Maddie might realize how bad Doug is for her and get together with Chimney instead. It’s nice to see, and Eddie likes to know he helped give that hope to the boy.

“I hope so,” he says sincerely. Then, he offers out his hand and asks, “Wanna dance?”

Buck nods, smiling shyly as he takes Eddie’s hand, and together they make their way out onto the dance floor. Once they’ve found a spot for themselves, Buck’s hands immediately fall to Eddie’s waist, so Eddie easily wraps his arms around the boy’s neck, more than happy to let him take the lead this time. This music’s easy to dance to, anyway, the two of them simply swaying back and forth as they turn in a small circle. It’s intimate, and romantic, and Eddie’s floating on cloud nine.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

He can’t say it, but he wants to. He never knew he could fall this quickly or this hard for someone.

The party eventually morphs into a formal lunch, with a similar menu to the one they had last night, though the food doesn’t taste nearly as good. Buck explains that this is because, obviously, Bobby didn’t cook this meal. It was done by the resort’s regular chefs, who, in Eddie’s opinion, need to take some lessons from the resort’s owner.

Athena comes to greet them about halfway through the meal, wishing the whole table a Merry Christmas but giving Buck a special, motherly pat on the cheek when she says it to him. This leaves him with a pleased little smile and pink flush to his cheeks as she walks away, and Eddie’s heart swells to see the boy get the kind of affection he deserves and clearly craves.

After lunch, everyone scatters. Some people mention getting in some time out on the slopes, some discuss heading into town to attend a church service, some linger to mingle some more, and some—Eddie and Buck among them—excuse themselves back to their rooms.

“So, which party did you like better? The one last night, or the one this afternoon?” Buck asks as they collapse onto their bed together, side by side, still fully dressed.

Eddie rolls his head to the side to look the boy in the eye as he raises his eyebrows at him. “Pretty sure the answer to that’s obvious.”

“Hey, you never know. Maybe you enjoy the privileged elite life.”

“Yeah, turns out this is my calling,” Eddie deadpans. “I was always meant to be upper class.”

Buck snickers, then shimmies over so his entire right side, from shoulder to ankle, is pressed against Eddie’s.

“I know I’ve said this a million times, but I’m so glad I have you here with me,” he sighs. “That party would’ve been miserable otherwise. It always is. You make everything fun.”

“So do you.”

They drift into comfortable silence for a moment, their hands finding each other and fingers twining together before Buck eventually asks, “What... What are we? Or, I guess, what is this? Are we...?”

He’s staring straight up at the ceiling, like he’s terrified to look at Eddie now, probably scared of what he might say. The problem is, Eddie doesn’t know the answer to that, either. He only knows what he wants them to be. Then again, maybe that’s all he needs to know. He thinks back on what he told Buck that day at the coffee shop: That he would be the one to risk their friendship to make them something more. In the end, that hadn’t been true. Buck had been the one brave enough to put his feelings out there. Eddie had been too wrapped up in fear and insecurity and self-hatred to do it himself. But... This. This, at the very least, he can do. He can admit what he wants.

“I’d like us to be,” he murmurs, rolling onto his side to face Buck. “If we aren’t already.”

The boy seems shocked when his eyes flicker over to Eddie. “Really?”

“Yeah. I like you a lot, Buck. And I don’t want us to just be two guys—or even two friends—who hook up sometimes. I want a relationship with you. I want to be your boyfriend, and I want you to be mine.”

Now Buck’s eyes are wide and awestruck, sparkling a bit as he rolls onto his side in a mirror of Eddie.

“You do?” he asks.

Eddie nods. “Yes. I... I’m still not sure how we’re gonna make it work. I wasn’t lying when I said my life is complicated. That I’m complicated. But if you’re still willing to put up with that—”

“Eddie, I wouldn’t be ‘putting up’ with anything. You’re... You’re worth it being hard.”

You say that now, but what about when you find out I’m about to be a dad?

The thought makes Eddie’s stomach plummet like someone’s dropped a brick into it. He’d sort of forgotten that Buck doesn’t know about the baby. Now, he debates whether he should spill his secret. It’s probably the right thing to do, so Buck can make a fully educated decision about being with him, but... Selfishly, he doesn’t want to risk scaring the boy away. Not yet. Not when he finally has him.

Another time, he promises himself. I’ll tell him another time. Soon. Just... not right now.

So, what he says instead is, “Then... you’re my... boyfriend?”

Buck’s smile is blinding. “Yeah. I’m your boyfriend.”

Boyfriend... Eddie likes the sound of that.

Chapter Text

Eddie and Buck spend the rest of the afternoon and into the evening intermittently watching Christmas baking competitions on the TV and making out. Whenever they’re actually focused on the TV—which isn’t a lot—Buck rattles off baking facts and a list of recipes he’d like to try making himself someday, and Eddie hangs on to every word he says with nothing but adoration. In his mind, a whole future plays out like a movie. One filled with endless fun facts, and laughter, and Buck in an apron, baking something warm and inviting, while Eddie’s child—their child—acts as his little helper.

Thinking about his unborn child, of course, fills Eddie with a fresh wave of guilt every time, though he does his best to ignore it. Which isn’t that hard to do, because whenever he begins to spiral about how he should be honest, Buck’s suddenly on top of him, their lips connected like they were always meant to be that way, and he decides the truth can wait a little longer.

This time, when Buck kisses him, it’s hungrier than before, with more intent, rather than the slow, lazy kisses they’ve been exchanging so far. It sends a jolt of desire rocketing through Eddie’s body, and he immediately tangles his fingers in the boy’s hair. God does he love those curls.

Buck breaks the kiss off after about a minute, breathing heavily as he rests his forehead against Eddie’s and whispers, “I, uh... researched how to do something else, the other night. Can we... Do you want to try it?”

“What is it?” Eddie asks curiously. Not because he plans to say no—he'd honestly do just about anything Buck wants to try—but because the boy seems a little bashful about what he’s suggesting.

“Um... I’d like to try... fingering you. Eating you out. If... If that’s something...” Buck trails off, face aflame.

Eddie doesn’t even have to think twice before he nods eagerly and says, “Yeah. Yeah, let’s do it.”

He’s fantasized about doing this with a boy ever since he figured out he was gay three years ago. Of course, there’s no way to know if he’ll like it or not, since he’s never been brave enough to try fingering himself—the Catholic guilt no doubt had a part to play in that, as well—but he’s definitely more than willing to give it a shot.

“You’re sure?” Buck asks, uncertainty in his voice, like he can’t believe Eddie actually agreed. Eddie simply nods again.

“I am, yeah.”

“Okay. Great. Um...”

“Let me... I’ll be right back,” Eddie says, gently pushing the boy off him and ducking into the bathroom. As quickly as he can, he cleans himself up with a washcloth and some soap, praying it’s a sufficient amount of prep for what they’re about to do, and when he emerges he finds Buck sitting up on the edge of the mattress, anxiously twiddling his thumbs.

“Eddie, if you don’t want to do this—” Buck starts, but Eddie quickly shakes his head and climbs back onto the bed.

“I do,” he promises. “I just wanted to make sure I was... ready for you.”

“Oh.”

Buck’s pupils are blown as he stares at Eddie, desire written all over his face, and Eddie smirks as he instructs, “Buck. Kiss me.”

The boy doesn’t waste any time following the order. He practically tackles Eddie onto the mattress, kissing him like it’s his life’s purpose, like it’s what he was made to do. It sucks the air from Eddie’s lungs, leaves him feeling slightly unmoored in the best way possible. And the boy’s eagerness to obey... Well, it definitely does something for Eddie. So, he decides to experiment with it.

“Take your shirt off,” he breaks off their kiss to instruct. To his delight, Buck immediately does as he’s told, sitting up, legs straddling Eddie’s hips, and shucking off the shirt with practiced ease. Even better, he then stays exactly where he is, waiting for Eddie’s next command.

Instead of speaking aloud what he wants, Eddie sets his hands on Buck’s hips and wordlessly encourages him to move them. The boy does so, giving an experimental grind that perfectly strokes Eddie’s erection. With a hiss of pleasure, Eddie grunts, “Again.”

Obediently, Buck begins to rock his hips in a steady rhythm while Eddie’s head tips back in pleasure. It’s tempting to keep going like this, to let Buck get him off the same way they’d gotten off together in the hot tub, but Eddie wants to do more. He wants Buck to do the things he promised to do to him. So, finally, he rests his hand on Buck’s chest.

“Stop,” he instructs, and the boy immediately stills his hips. Then, Eddie sits up and tugs his own shirt over his head, revealing the St. Christopher medallion that rests between his pecs. Buck lights up at the sight of it, reaching out to gently touch the jewelry with the tip of his index finger, and then he pulls Eddie into a searing kiss. Eddie only lets it last for a few seconds, however, before he pulls back and asks, “Is this all okay?”

If Buck bobbled his head any harder, Eddie would be afraid it might come off.

“Yes. Yeah. It’s good. Great,” the boy breathlessly confirms.

Eddie smiles. “Good. Then get up and take your pants off.”

Buck can’t seem to follow this order fast enough, practically tripping over himself as he leaps off the bed, only hesitating once he has his belt undone and jeans unzipped.

“Underwear, too?” he checks, and Eddie takes a moment to admire the boy’s muscular frame, his neck and chest just as flushed as his face, before nodding.

“Underwear, too.”

The boy is stripped naked in two seconds flat, and then he stands very still, waiting for Eddie’s next command, which is, “Now mine.”

This, Buck's much more careful with. He slowly climbs back onto the bed, studying Eddie’s half-naked body almost reverently, before placing both of his hands on Eddie’s chest and dragging them down his abdomen until they reach the waistband of his jeans. Buck’s fingers then deftly undo Eddie’s zipper, thumbs hooking on his pants and underwear and drawing both down past his feet, discarding them.

Once his legs are bare, Buck gently rests his large hands on Eddie’s thighs. He’s got this sort of restless energy now, like a dog who wants to go play outside but is waiting dutifully for his master to release him. So, Eddie releases Buck.

“Show me what Google taught you,” he says. The words themselves are teasing, but his voice is deadly serious, as are his eyes as they meet Buck’s. “Talk me through it.”

“I’m gonna make you feel so good, Eddie,” the boy promises. Then, he repositions himself so he’s on all fours, ass in the air while his face hovers near Eddie’s weeping erection. It’s probably the single most erotic thing Eddie’s ever seen, and he can practically feel his brain leaking out his ears. With a bashful smile, Buck says, “I’m gonna start with your dick, okay? Just like a normal blowjob.”

Eddie nods, at a loss for words, and then Buck’s licking a stripe up the underside of his cock before swallowing him down nearly all the way. This drags a low moan from Eddie’s chest, and he shuts his eyes as he allows himself to revel in the sensation of Buck’s mouth on him for the second time in as many days. It’s just as good as the first time—maybe even better, now that the boy has some confidence in himself—and it isn’t long before Eddie’s gasping, “Buck, I’m gonna... I’m gonna come if you keep going...”

Buck immediately stops at Eddie’s warning, and Eddie pries his eyes open again to glance down as the boy begins licking and sucking at his balls instead.

“Ugh. Fuck,” he groans, bringing one hand up to grab at his own hair while the other travels down to clutch at Buck’s. Buck lets out a pleased hum at this, so Eddie tightens his grip just a little bit more.

Once he’s spent a good amount of time on Eddie’s balls, Buck then pulls back and says, “For this next part... It’s supposed to be easier if you... if you turn around.”

Without a single second of thought, Eddie complies, desperate for what’s about to happen. He mirrors Buck’s position, ass in the air, and it makes him feel vulnerable in a way he never has before. But... With Buck, it isn’t scary. The opposite, in fact. It’s exhilarating.

The bed moves a bit as Buck shuffles around to get a better angle, and then he asks, “Ready?”

“Yes,” Eddie breathes.

That’s all the confirmation Buck seems to need before diving in. He starts out cautious, though not unenthusiastic. It’s more like he’s testing the waters to figure out what Eddie likes. He tries different techniques, from running his flat tongue over Eddie’s hole to making small circles around the rim and everything in between, and he seems to catalog Eddie’s reactions to each one. Eddie, meanwhile, is having a religious experience the whole time. Just like every other sexual encounter he’s had with Buck, he can’t believe something can feel this good. Part of him hates that he’s denied himself this for so many years, while another (larger) part is glad that his first time is with Buck. He’s not sure anyone else would put this much care into making him feel good.

The sensation of being eaten out is almost indescribable. There’s the warm, wet heat of Buck’s mouth, of course, but the pleasure itself is something Eddie can’t seem to find words for. All he knows is that it has his eyes rolling back into his head and his body trembling.

“I’m gonna try something,” Buck warns him after about five minutes of licking and sucking at Eddie’s hole. “Tell me if you want me to stop.”

Eddie honestly finds it hard to imagine he’d ever want Buck to stop anything he’s doing, but he nods all the same.

A moment later, Buck’s tongue is pushing inside of him.

“Oh, holy fuck!” he exclaims, and the boy immediately withdraws.

“Too much?”

Desperately, Eddie shakes his head. “No. No, it was good. Do it again. Please.”

Buck complies, diving back in like a man starved. His tongue pushes past Eddie’s rim with bold purpose, and Eddie has to force himself to relax, to not tense up at the intrusion. Not because it doesn’t feel good, but because it feels so good his body doesn’t know what to do with it.

It only grows even more overwhelming when Buck begins to fuck Eddie with his tongue.

It presses in and out of him in a steady rhythm, and a stream of delirious, Spanish curses pour from his mouth. His neglected dick aches with need, so he reaches down to give it some respite, but the second he does Buck pulls back and grabs his wrist to stop him.

“Not yet,” the boy says, and Eddie whines in dissent but doesn’t argue. He does, however, protest when Buck suddenly hops off the bed and turns his back on him.

“Wha... Where’re you going?”

“I’m grabbing lube. Hold on.”

Eddie watches over his shoulder as Buck digs through his suitcase for a moment, then holds up a small plastic bottle, victorious. Bewildered, Eddie cocks an eyebrow.

“You just... have that with you?”

Buck shrugs, a little sheepish.

“You never know when you’re gonna need it. I like to be prepared.” Then, he asks, “Is it okay if I, you know... finger you, now?”

To be honest, Eddie thought he’d be more nervous about the idea of that than he actually is. Maybe it’s because he’s so horny, he’s desperate to be touched in any way at all. Or maybe it’s because he trusts Buck so implicitly that he doesn’t register a need to be nervous.

“Yeah. Want you inside me,” he admits, and he gets the pleasure of watching Buck’s hard cock twitch at his words.

The boy’s back on the bed in two seconds flat, kneeling behind Eddie, lube uncapped and being generously applied to the tips of his index and middle fingers. He then brings them to Eddie’s ass, spreading the lube around his hole before asking, “You ready?”

“Yes.”

So, Buck adds a little extra lube to his index finger, then slowly—so, so slowly—slips it inside of Eddie. It’s different from Buck’s tongue, partially because it isn’t as warm and partially because it goes much deeper, but it does feel just as good. There’s a bit of a sting as Eddie adjusts to being stretched, but even the sting feels satisfying in an odd way.

“Good?” Buck checks in, and Eddie huffs a laugh, face pressed into his pillow and hands fisting in the bedsheets.

“So good, Buck. Fuck.”

“I’m gonna move it, now. Tell me if you want me to stop or do something different.”

The first few times the finger slides out and back in, Eddie wonders if this is it. It’s not bad by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, he likes it a lot. But he’d thought it’d feel like... more.

Then, Buck’s finger brushes against something magnificent, and Eddie’s whole body jerks like he’s been electrocuted. Eyes wide, he practically shouts, “Holy mother of God!”

“Got it,” Buck murmurs triumphantly. “That’s your prostate.”

“Do it again. Fuck, Buck, do it again,” Eddie pleads, feeling a bit wild with need. Clearly more than happy to do so, Buck complies, cocking his finger in a way that ensures he lightly brushes that fantastic bundle of nerves every time he passes it. All the while, Eddie gasps and squirms and whimpers, not entirely sure what to do with himself in the face of this amount of pleasure.

After a few more strokes, Buck withdraws his finger, and Eddie immediately mourns the loss of it until the boy says, “I’m gonna add a second one, now.”

He does so just as slowly and carefully as he had with the first, giving Eddie time to adjust again once they’re fully inserted. Eddie breathes through the sting, and once he feels ready, he begs, “Move them, Buck. Please.”

And dear god, it feels even better with two fingers. It’s way more intense, makes him feel fuller than only one had. He finds himself grinding back onto Buck’s hand, desperate, aching for more. And every time the boy’s fingers hit his prostate, he sees stars. Precum drips from the tip of his dick onto the sheets below him, and he wants to grab and stroke it now more than ever. He needs release.

“Buck... I need...”

“Okay, Eddie, okay,” Buck agrees, nodding. “I’ve got you. Roll back over.”

Eddie complies, Buck withdrawing his fingers just long enough to allow him to do so, and then they’re pushed right back inside as he uses his free hand and mouth to start working away on Eddie’s cock once more. A gasp escapes Eddie, and he suddenly finds himself torn between fucking up into Buck’s mouth or down onto his fingers.

“Oh my god. Oh my god,” he whines, jerking helplessly. “So good, Buck. So fucking good. Don’t stop.”

Buck doesn’t stop. If anything, he picks up the pace with even more enthusiasm, the bobbing of his head matching the rhythm of his fingers pounding into Eddie’s ass. Then, he does something that feels like it changes the course of Eddie’s life forever.

He stops pumping his hand and instead puts gentle, steady pressure on Eddie’s prostate, rubbing in deliberate circles.

“Ah! Ah! Ah!” Eddie shouts, and then he’s coming harder than he ever has in his life. It’s almost too much, and it feels like it’s never going to stop, seemingly endless bursts of cum pouring down the back of Buck’s throat as he swallows around Eddie. For a delirious second, Eddie wonders if this is how he’ll die. But then, finally, his body comes down from its pleasure-induced high, and he manages to relax his tensed muscles.

“Jesus Christ, Eddie, you’re so fucking hot,” Buck breathes as he pulls off Eddie’s dick and carefully slides his fingers out of his ass, leaving Eddie feeling unusually empty—hollow, almost. He then pushes back up to his knees and places a hand on his own erection, expression pleading as he looks down at Eddie and asks, “Can I touch myself? Please?”

Eddie immediately nods. “Yeah. Wanna watch you come. Want you to come on me.”

Letting loose a high, desperate whine, Buck begins to pump his hand along the length of his shaft at a fast, unforgiving pace. It only takes about thirty seconds, and then his jaw’s falling slack as long ropes of cum shoot from his dick and cover Eddie’s chest and abs.

Once they’re both spent and panting, Buck plants his hands on either side of Eddie’s head and lowers himself to press their lips together. Just like this morning and at the party, love confessions sit on the tip of Eddie’s tongue, but he bites them back, instead trying his hardest to pour all his overwhelming emotions into this one, perfect kiss.

“I’m gonna grab a washcloth to clean you up,” Buck murmurs against Eddie’s lips after a moment. “I’ll be right back.”

He gives Eddie one more quick peck, then climbs off the bed and disappears into the bathroom. The sink faucet has just started running when, from the bedside table, Eddie’s phone begins to vibrate with a call. A quick glance at the screen is enough to make his stomach drop all the way to his toes, and for a moment he considers ignoring it, but he knows that’ll only cause more problems. And he can’t raise suspicion right now. So, he steels himself and answers with, “Hey, Mom.”

“Eddie? You were supposed to call us today and you never did.”

“I said I’d call you when I was free,” he reminds her, self-consciously using the bedsheet to cover himself. It just feels wrong to talk to his mom while naked, even if she can't see him. He’s also very aware of the cum currently drying on his abdomen.

Oblivious to any of this, his mom huffs. “You’re telling me you’ve been busy all day?”

Eddie pinches the bridge of his nose. “Yeah, I have. Shannon’s family does stuff all day. We opened presents, and had breakfast, and went to church, and then they had this party...”

It doesn’t feel good to lie to his mom, but he doesn’t have much choice. She can’t know the truth about where he is or why. And, honestly, this is his own fault. He’d texted his whole family (and Shannon) Merry Christmas messages this morning while he was getting ready, and he had promised to call his mom later, but then, like an idiot, he’d forgotten to follow through. Though, in his defense, he’d been distracted making out with—and having mind-blowing sex with—his very hot new boyfriend.

“Hmm,” his mom hums, disapproval abundantly clear in the noise. “Well, I have your father and sisters here. They all wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Eddie!” his sisters’ voices ring out, filled with enthusiastic cheer.

“Merry Christmas, Edmundo,” his father says, too, his own voice much more reserved.

Unable to fight back a fond smile, Eddie replies, “Merry Christmas, everyone. Love you all.”

“Love you!” Adriana hollers.

Sophia pipes up next, “You’re never allowed to miss Christmas again!”

Eddie chuckles. “I won’t. I promise.”

“You’ll have to open all your presents when you come home for Easter,” his mom says.

His dad, of course, just has to counter this with, “Or maybe we should donate them, since he couldn’t be bothered to spend the holidays with his family.”

Just then, Buck emerges from the bathroom, damp washcloth in hand and brow furrowed as he mouths, “Who’re you talking to?”

Quickly, Eddie puts his index finger to his lips to indicate Buck should stay quiet and mouths back, “My family.”

The boy’s eyes go wide with understanding, and he nods just as Eddie’s mom huffs and says, “Oh, Ramon, don’t be ridiculous. Eddie, your presents will be here when you come home.”

“Thanks, Mom. Hey, uh, I’ve got to go. Shannon and I were gonna watch a Christmas movie before bed.”

“Okay. We’ll talk to you soon. I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

They hang up, and Eddie sags with relief to have survived the call without his true situation being somehow found out. Buck, meanwhile, unfreezes from the spot where he’d been standing still as a statue and makes his way over, immediately getting to work rubbing down Eddie’s now-tacky torso as he asks, “They don’t know you’re here?”

Eddie shakes his head, averting his eyes. “They, uh... They think I’m spending Christmas with Shannon’s family.”

“I thought Shannon lived in El Paso, too?”

“She used to. But when she got accepted to school in LA, her parents moved back to California to be closer to her and the rest of their family. They only moved to Texas for her dad’s job in the first place, and he retired a few years ago, so...”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Which works out for me, because my parents would probably lose their minds if they knew where I really am.”

Buck gives a slow, thoughtful nod. “Because of the fake dating thing?”

“Because of the gay fake dating thing,” Eddie corrects.

“And that’s why you can’t tell anyone else in your life that you like boys?” Buck guesses. “They aren’t open to that?”

“Exactly.”

“Would they react worse than my parents?”

That actually makes Eddie laugh. “They’d make your parents look like the world’s best allies.”

“Seriously?”

“My dad’s Mexican and was raised Latin Catholic. What do you think?”

“I think... I think I’m sorry you feel like you have to hide such a big part of who you are from your family,” Buck says after a moment, setting the washcloth aside and reaching out to rest his hand against Eddie’s face, thumb gently stroking his cheekbone. Eddie leans into the touch and finally meets Buck’s eyes—his boyfriend’s eyes—again.

He gives a halfhearted shrug. “It is what it is.”

“You know... It sounded like they really love you.” Buck’s voice is low and thoughtful as he makes this observation, and Eddie cocks his head, curious where he’s going with this. “Maybe... Maybe they’d surprise you, if you ever did decide to tell them.”

“What?” Eddie gasps, bewildered. “Buck, you saw how your parents reacted. My parents—”

Buck cuts him off with a shake of his head. “My parents don’t love me, Eddie. That’s the difference. My parents tolerate me at best. So, me being gay, or... or whatever I am... it’s another thing added to their list of reasons not to like me. But your family seems different. I mean, I don’t know them, so I could be wrong, but... but I don’t think people who actually love you would react the way you might think they will.”

“But that’s the thing,” Eddie says, an embarrassing waver to his voice as he fights off tears suddenly pricking at the corners of his eyes. “They only love the person they think I am. If they find out the truth... I can’t lose them, Buck. They’re... They’re my family.”

It’s fucked up. He knows it’s fucked up. Maybe he shouldn’t care about his parents’ opinion of him. Maybe he should live his life authentically and only worry about the opinions of the people who love him unconditionally, like Shannon and Buck. But knowing he should do something and actually having the strength to do it are two entirely different things. And Eddie... He loves his family, despite their faults and flaws. He loves them so much, and he doesn’t want to risk losing them.

Plus, he has to think about his baby. He’s going to need that job with his dad. Even if he didn’t care about becoming the black sheep for his own sake, he has to be able to provide for his child.

“Okay,” Buck whispers, crawling back onto the bed and wrapping himself around Eddie. The sturdy warmth of his body is comforting, and Eddie finds himself relaxing into it. “Okay, Eddie. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I’m just saying, if you ever do decide to tell them, it might not be as bad as you’re afraid of.”

It’s nice that Buck can be so optimistic, especially after witnessing his own parents’ reaction to his “coming out.” But he just doesn’t know the Diazes. He doesn’t realize what’s at stake if things go wrong.

No, Eddie can’t tell his family. He knows that without a doubt, just as he’s always known, even before he realized he had something to hide.

To Ramon and Helena Diaz, Eddie must always be the perfect, straight son.

Chapter Text

“Buck, where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise, Eddie. I can’t tell you!”

Up until about thirty minutes ago, their morning had been leisurely. Lazy, even. Buck had the foresight to stick a do-not-disturb sign on their door, meaning they were able to sleep in until about ten thirty, and then they called down for Chimney to bring them breakfast, which they took their time eating while they watched TV. But then, Eddie got up to use the bathroom, and by the time he returned Buck was instructing him to get dressed in warm clothes and follow him outside.

Now they’re trudging through the snow in the same direction they’d gone the other day to get to the snowmobiles, and Eddie wonders if that’s the surprise: A second snowmobile excursion, this time just the two of them. It’s only when they round a bend of trees that he realizes this surprise is much, much better than that.

Before them is a sleek red sleigh, pulled by two large, majestic white horses. A man around Bobby’s age with dark skin and a salt-and-pepper goatee sits at the front, holding the horses’ reins, and he gives a friendly wave when he spots Eddie and Buck.

“Hey there, boys!” he calls out, and Buck raises a hand in greeting.

“Hey, Wendall!”

Eddie thinks he recognizes this man from the staff Christmas party, but he’s pretty sure he was never introduced to him, so when they approach the sleigh he holds out his hand and says, “I’m Eddie. Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise, young man,” Wendall replies with a smile, taking Eddie’s hand and shaking it. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Bobby.”

“Wendall and Bobby go way back,” Buck explains to Eddie, and Wendall nods.

“Way back. Farther than I’d like to admit.” Then, the man jerks his head toward the passenger section of the sleigh and instructs, “Now, go ahead and hop on in, you two. Gotta get this show on the road.”

They comply, Buck standing aside to let Eddie climb in first before following after him. There’s a thick, wool blanket waiting for them on the seat, and they drape it over their laps as Wendall prompts the horses to move with a flick of the reins and a click of his mouth.

“So, you just... decided to schedule us a romantic sleigh ride today?” Eddie asks once they’re settled, Buck’s arm resting on the back of the seat, draped around his shoulders.

Buck shrugs with a smirk. “Thought it might be nice. Better than wasting away in front of the TV for another day.”

“Hey, for your information, I like wasting away in front of the TV if I’m doing it with you.”

“Well, we’ll have all night to do more of that if you want,” Buck promises. “But I was also thinking we could try skiing again tomorrow. My ankle’s pretty much back to normal, so as long as I stick to the beginner slopes with you I should be safe.”

Eddie grins. “I’d like that. You think you could still outski Tutu Girl with your bum ankle?”

That gets a laugh out of his boyfriend, who puts on an exaggerated thinking face before he says, “I don’t know. She might have a leg up on me now.”

“Was that a pun?” Eddie snorts, and Buck’s eyes sparkle.

“Maybe.”

They fall into comfortable silence after that, enjoying the view as Wendall takes them on a path similar to the one they took during their snowmobile outing. Eddie snuggles further into Buck’s side, and Buck hugs Eddie closer, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. It’s probably the most romantic thing Eddie’s experienced in his entire life. Then again, maybe he shouldn’t have expected anything less from Buck “Grand Gesture” Buckley.

The ride’s about an hour long, during which they only speak occasionally to point something out to each other or whisper little inside jokes. And by the time they make it back to the stable where they started their journey, Eddie finds that he’s fallen even deeper for Buck, something he honestly hadn’t thought was possible. It’s just... He’s never really been romanced before. With Shannon, he was the one who romanced her—inasmuch as a teenager can romance anybody. But being romanced is so much better. Affirming in a way he hadn’t expected. It makes him feel cared for. Desired.

Loved.

“Wanna grab some hot cocoa?” Buck suggests as they step down off the sleigh. He goes first, then offers his hand to help Eddie out.

Eddie nods. “Sounds great.”

So, they make their way to the viewing area at the base of the slopes and order two steaming mugs of cocoa from the coffee stand, settling in across from each other at an empty table. After they’ve both taken a sip of their drinks, Buck asks, “Did you enjoy the surprise?”

“Honestly, I’m not usually a big fan of surprises, but... Yeah, Buck. I really liked it.”

The boy beams. “I hoped you would. I’ve always wanted to go on a sleigh ride with someone. It's been sort of a... fantasy of mine.”

“Yeah?” Eddie prompts, genuinely curious. “What other things like that have you wanted to do?”

This question seems to catch Buck off guard, and he considers his answer for a moment before he says, “The couple’s massage. Karaoke. Slow dancing at the Christmas party...”

“So, we’ve been slowly checking off your list this whole time?”

“I guess so,” Buck admits, looking a little sheepish. “Not really on purpose, though. Those are just some things that’ve made me feel... alone, in the past.”

“Hm,” Eddie hums thoughtfully. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t have to be alone this time.”

“Me too.”

They grin at each other like a couple of lovestruck idiots, then hide their smiles behind their cocoa mugs as they take another synchronized sip.

Once they finish their drinks and head back inside to warm up, they kill the next few hours watching more baking competitions. Buck shares fun facts about “the art of food preparation,” and Eddie listens raptly the whole time, enjoying the way the words literally tumble out of the boy’s mouth in his excitement.

Their peaceful day, of course, can’t last. Not when they have to leave the sanctuary of their room to spend a meal with the Buckley parents and Doug. And especially not when they reach the dining hall and find Maddie once again missing from her usual seat.

Eddie gets a weird sense of deja vu from the whole situation, especially when the first words out of Buck’s mouth, just like the last time this happened, are, “Where’s Maddie?”

“Another headache,” Doug explains with the fakest sympathetic pout Eddie’s ever seen. “She’s been getting them a lot lately. I keep telling her to drink more water. She’s probably dehydrated from all the skiing we’ve been doing.”

Buck’s lips twist into a sneer. “You’re full of shit, Doug. What’s really wrong with her?”

“Oh, for the love of god, Evan, will you stop making a scene and sit down?” Phillip huffs, frowning up at his son. “She’s just got a headache. She’ll be fine.”

“You’re not even a little bit worried about her?” Buck demands of his parents. “It doesn’t bother you that she’s getting these ‘headaches’ recently? What if she’s sick?”

There’s something about the way Buck says the word “sick” that makes Eddie suspect there’s a second, secret conversation happening beneath the thin veil of the first. Well, that, and the fact that Eddie knows Buck isn’t worried about his sister being sick. So, there has to be a reason he’s throwing the suggestion out there at all.

Sure enough, Phillip’s expression twists with rage while Margaret’s eyes grow two sizes and begin to water.

“Evan, why would you say that?” she gasps, voice high and whiny.

“I’m just saying, you’d think you’d care more that there’s something clearly wrong—”

It looks like it takes everything in Phillip to control his temper and keep from smacking his hand on the table like he had during that first dinner at the Buckleys' house. Instead, he clenches both hands into fists and growls, “Evan, stop.”

“I’m gonna check on her,” Buck announces, spinning around and marching off while his parents call after him in a stage whisper. Eddie, of course, immediately follows his boyfriend, the two of them making their way back upstairs together.

When they reach Maddie and Doug’s room, Buck’s knock isn’t timid like it had been last time. Instead, he pounds on the door with his fist as he calls, “Maddie! Maddie, open up!”

They’re met with silence at first, but then...

“Leave me alone, Evan.”

The muffled words are called back through the door, which stays firmly shut and locked. This, of course, doesn’t do anything to deter Buck.

“Maddie, I’m serious. Open up. I just need to see that you’re okay.”

“I’m fine. I just have a headache, which you’re not helping.”

“Prove it,” Buck demands. “Open the door and show me there isn’t anything else wrong with you.”

“Evan...”

“Now, Maddie. Or I’m going to Bobby and getting him to let me in. And you know he’ll do it, too.”

This threat earns him another long stretch of silence, during which Eddie wonders if Maddie’s decided to ignore her brother completely. But then there’s the sound of the handle turning inside the room, and a second later she’s there—or, at least, the sliver of her that can be seen through the practically microscopic gap she’s opened the door to reveal.

Her voice is beyond annoyed now as she says, “See? I’m here. It’s really me. I’m fine. Can I go back to sleep, now?”

“I want to see your whole body,” Buck insists, not backing down.

“Evan, no, I’m not gonna—”

But she doesn’t get the chance to finish her argument, because Buck wedges his foot in the small crack she’s opened and shoulders his way into the room. She lets out a little yelp of shock as she stumbles back, and then quickly ducks her head, her long hair hiding her face.

“This isn’t funny,” she scolds, refusing to look up at her brother and Eddie. “Get out. Now.”

Buck shakes his head. “No. Not until you show me your face.”

“Evan, please—”

“Maddie! Show me your face.” He isn’t joking around now, not that he ever was. But there’s a ferocity in his voice Eddie’s never heard, and that seems to be enough to get Maddie to glance up at him in shock, just for a moment, before ducking her head again.

It’s too late, though. That one look is all it takes. Because the black eye and split lip... They’re pretty hard to miss.

“That son of a bitch,” Buck snarls, spinning around and heading straight for the stairwell, likely not willing to wait for the elevator.

“Buck!” Eddie calls, hurrying after his boyfriend. “Buck, wait!”

“Evan, no!” Maddie also cries, following close behind Eddie.

Buck, of course, doesn’t stop. In fact, he takes the stairs two at a time, his long legs making it look effortless. As he goes, he growls, “I’m gonna kill him.”

Eddie gets it. He really does. Hell, if someone hurt Sophia or Adriana like that, he’s pretty sure he’d be on the warpath, too. But that doesn’t make him any less frightened for Buck’s safety. After all, if Doug’s willing to hurt his own wife, what will he do to his brother-in-law?

The second his feet hit the first-floor landing, Buck shoves his way through the stairwell door and charges into the dining hall, making a beeline for the Buckleys’ table.

“DOUG!” he roars, drawing all eyes in the room to him in an instant. Eddie swears the boy has never looked more his actual size than he does right now. It’s almost like, up until this point, he’d been doing everything in his power to look smaller. To downplay his height, his mass. But now, he’s standing tall, chest puffed out, muscles flexed beneath his long-sleeved t-shirt. It would be hot, if the circumstances were different.

Somehow, Doug doesn’t piss himself when he spots this behemoth approaching him. He actually almost looks amused, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Evan?” Margaret gasps, looking up from her dinner with wide, startled eyes. “What—?”

Ignoring his mother, Buck grabs the front of Doug’s sweater and hauls the man to his feet, causing the table and the dishware atop it to rattle as Doug’s hip slams into it. Even still, Doug looks calm as can be, not the least bit terrified by what’s about to happen to him. If Eddie didn’t know better, he’d actually think there’s a hint of eager anticipation in the man’s eyes.

“You hurt her!” Buck growls, his nose mere inches away from Doug’s. “You fucking hurt her!”

Doug simply cocks an eyebrow and retorts, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bullshit,” Eddie pipes up, moving to stand at Buck’s side in a show of support. “You know exactly what he’s talking about.”

He glances back at Maddie, who’s hovering a few feet away, watching the scene with terror written plainly across her battered face. Her injuries are in full view now that she isn’t trying to hide them, the bruises even darker and uglier than Eddie had realized.

“Oh, that?” Doug says, almost looking bored by the accusation. “That wasn’t me. She hurt herself while we were skiing this morning. She’s always been clumsy. Right, babe?”

Maddie nods frantically. “R... Right. It’s not what it looks like. Evan, please, just—”

“Maddie, stop defending him!” Buck pleads, finally releasing Doug so he can turn around to give his sister an imploring look. “You don’t have to put up with this! You deserve so much better, and... and you could have better, too! You know you could!”

“I... You just don’t understand.” Tears are pouring down Maddie’s cheeks now, and Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever seen someone look so helplessly lost before. His heart aches for her.

Buck shakes his head. “You’re right, I don’t. I don’t get how you could want to stay with someone who’d do this to you. Who’d treat you the way he does.”

“I love him!”

“Okay, but does he love you? Would someone who loves you do that?” Buck gestures to his sister’s face, and she immediately ducks her head again to hide the evidence of her husband’s violence.

“What would you know about love, Evan?” Doug finally speaks up, voice low and cruel even as he continues to wear a smug smile. “You’ve never been loved a day in your life. You’re nothing but a failure. A bunch of defective, spare parts.”

Something dark flickers in Buck’s eyes, and in a flash, he’s spun back around and snatched up the front of Doug’s sweater again.

“Shut the hell up,” he hisses.

Doug, of course, does not shut the hell up.

“Does your boyfriend know what a failure you are? I’m sure you haven’t told him. Do you think he’d still want you if he knew?”

Eddie desperately wants to know what the hell Doug’s talking about, but he also knows it doesn’t really matter right now. All that matters is the way Buck’s expression shutters at the man’s words. How his eyes flick over to Eddie for the briefest of seconds before locking back onto Doug’s face.

He releases his hold on his brother-in-law, but only to shove him back a bit as he spits, “Shut up.”

“You’re worthless and unlovable, and you know it,” Doug continues to taunt. “You killed your brother, and—”

“Doug!” Maddie gasps. At the same time, Buck roars and shoves Doug backwards harder than before, sending him crashing into the Buckleys’ table. This finally wipes the smile off the man’s face, and he lunges forward, shoving Buck with what looks like all his strength. He might not be quite as big as his brother-in-law, but that doesn’t mean he’s weak. He has enough momentum behind him, and he catches Buck off-guard enough, that his counterattack sends the boy stumbling backwards and crashing to the ground, his head smacking the edge of another table hard as he falls.

Eddie sees red.

He swings.

His fist connects with Doug’s face.

The man reels back from the hit, tripping over his own two feet and landing firmly on his ass. Eddie moves forward, ready to hit him again, when a large hand suddenly grips his shoulder. He’s not expecting this, so he doesn’t think to fight it, instead letting himself be yanked away. When he glances back, he finds the hand belongs to Bobby, which makes sense since Athena’s currently planting herself in front of Doug to keep him from getting up and hurting anyone else.

“I’m pressing charges, Diaz!” Doug shouts, leaning around Athena to glare at Eddie. “I’ll sue you for all you’re worth!”

“Hm. Funny you say that,” Athena says, looking anything but amused. “Because I’m sure your wife will be pressing charges against you for domestic violence. Buck here might just do the same. So, if you want to play that game, go ahead. But I think you’ll probably lose. Especially when everyone here tells the police exactly what just happened. After all, from where I'm standing, what Eddie did looked an awful lot like self-defense to me.”

Eddie’s never seen someone look as enraged as Doug does now. In fact, he looks downright murderous. But he doesn’t continue demanding the police be called. Instead, he pushes to his feet and storms out of the dining hall.

The second he’s gone, Maddie lets out a sob as she drops to the floor next to Buck, tearfully inspecting the back of his head. He doesn’t seem to be bleeding, which is good, and he also doesn’t seem to have lost consciousness, which is also good. Still, Eddie’s pretty sure they should get some ice on his injury sooner rather than later.

“You okay, kid?” Bobby asks, and it takes Eddie a second to realize he’s the one being asked. He takes stock of everything that just happened and the dull throbbing of his hand and nods.

“Yeah. Think so.”

He’s suddenly very aware of all the eyes in the room that’re now trained on him, Buck, and Maddie. He’s never been afraid to be in the spotlight before, between his ballroom dancing days and playing a college sport, but this is very, very different. This attention isn’t good attention. It’s judgmental, filled with scandal.

Still sitting at the table, Margaret and Phillip look absolutely mortified by what just happened. Eddie wishes he were surprised that they haven’t rushed to the aid of either of their children, but he really isn’t. Not even remotely.

Carefully, Maddie helps Buck to his feet, still fussing over the back of his head as he swats her hand away and insists he’s fine. Eddie instantly moves to stand beside his boyfriend, Bobby releasing his shoulder to let him go, and Chimney appears at Maddie’s side wearing a carefully schooled expression.

“You want to come with me to the kitchen?” he offers her, nodding toward one of the doors branching off the dining hall. “Get some ice for that eye?”

Maddie hesitates, glancing at Buck one more time, looking reluctant to leave his side after everything that happened. Then, her eyes meet Eddie’s, and she must decide her brother will be in good hands with him, because she slowly nods and says, “Yeah, okay.”

She allows herself to be led off, and Eddie loops an arm around Buck’s waist as he suggests, “We should probably head upstairs. Get some ice for you, too.”

“I’m fine,” Buck mumbles, but Eddie shakes his head.

“No, you’re not. Come on.”

He puts a little pressure on Buck’s back to get him to move, and he does, albeit reluctantly. As they pass by, Bobby instructs, “Take care of him. And if you need anything—”

“—let you know,” Eddie finishes. “I know. Thanks, Bobby.”

“Sure thing. And Buck,” Bobby says, addressing the other boy, who keeps his eyes downcast, refusing to look at the man. This doesn’t deter Bobby in the slightest, and he continues, “Those things Doug said weren’t true. None of them. You know that, right?”

Buck sighs and gives an unconvincing nod. “Sure, Bobby.”

With that, Buck allows himself to be led away a lot easier, like he’s suddenly eager to get away from Bobby and Athena—the people who really do love him.

Eddie needs to get to the bottom of what Doug was really saying to Buck in that fight. And he needs to find a way to convince Buck that none of it was true, like Bobby said.

He suspects doing so won’t be easy at all.

Chapter Text

When they get back up to their room, Eddie has Buck sit on the edge of the bed before hurrying to the freezer and pulling out the ice pack from when the boy twisted his ankle. He wraps it in a towel, then hands it over to his boyfriend, who listlessly raises it to the back of his head and holds it there.

They sit in silence for a long moment while Eddie waits for Buck to say something—anything—but when he doesn’t Eddie decides to prompt, “What was Doug talking about?”

Every muscle in Buck’s body visibly tenses.

“Nothing.” It’s a shut-down of a conversation if Eddie’s ever heard one. He doesn’t plan to let the subject drop so easily, but then Buck’s eyes fall on his hand and he murmurs, “You’re hurt.”

Eddie glances down, confused, and sees that Buck’s right. His knuckles are red and split from punching Doug. He shakes his head, though, and says, “I’m fine. I’ve had worse.”

This doesn’t seem to ease Buck’s concern. He takes Eddie’s injured hand and removes the ice pack from his head, pressing it to the injured knuckles instead. Eddie sighs but doesn’t argue. If it makes Buck feel better to take care of him, he won’t try to stop him.

“Do you think Maddie’s okay?” the boy asks after a moment, brow furrowed as he stares down at Eddie’s hand.

“Yeah,” Eddie reassures him. “She’s with Chimney. She’s safe.”

Buck nods slowly. “Right. And... You don’t think she’d go back to Doug after all that, do you?”

That makes Eddie pause, and he grimaces before admitting, “I don’t know.”

He's sure that isn’t the answer Buck wants to hear, but it’s the honest one. There’s no way to know what Maddie will decide to do now. They can hope she makes the right choice, but that’s all they can do.

“Do you think I should go find her? Talk to her?”

“Is that what you want to do?”

For a few seconds, Buck’s quiet, and then he lets out a sigh, curling in on himself a bit.

“No. I don’t really want to see her, or... or anyone right now.”

“Okay. Then you don’t have to. Chimney’ll take good care of her.”

Buck gives a listless nod, and they both drift off into silence again. It’s strange, for Buck to be this quiet. Over the past week, Eddie’s gotten used to his endless rambling about any and every thought that pops into his head. This uncharacteristic listlessness is unnerving, and it only works to strengthen Eddie’s resolve to get some answers.

“You had a brother?” he asks, deciding to bite the bullet and go for the heart of what Doug had said. Again, Buck tenses.

“Eddie, let it go.”

“No, Buck. What that jackass said obviously hurt you, and I want to understand why.”

The boy’s lower lip wobbles, and after a moment he whispers, “Because it was all true.”

“Bullshit.”

Maybe it’s the word, or the ferocity with which he says it, but something about Eddie’s declaration has Buck blinking up at him, clearly startled.

“What?”

“I said bullshit,” Eddie repeats. “It was not all true, and I know that for a fact, even if I don’t understand everything he said.”

“Eddie—”

“I’m serious. It was not all true. He said you’ve never been loved, but you have been, and you know it. Maddie loves you. Bobby loves you. Athena loves you. Hen, and Karen, and Chimney, and Ravi, and all those other people at the Christmas party, they love you. I—”

He cuts himself off, not sure if confessing his own love for the boy is the right thing to do in the moment. He doesn’t want to make this about himself and his feelings. He wants it to be about Buck. Making him feel better.

Thankfully, Buck doesn’t press Eddie to finish what he’d started to say. Instead, he averts his eyes again as he sighs, “I... I know. I know they... they care about me—”

“They don’t just care. They love you.”

A tear slips from Buck’s eye and slides down his cheek, and he quickly brushes it away. “Sure. Okay.”

“Buck,” Eddie murmurs, scooting a little closer to his boyfriend so their thighs are pressed against each other, hoping the contact might soothe the boy. “Tell me what Doug meant. Tell me what all this was about so I can prove to you that I will want you, no matter what.”

With a humorless huff of a laugh, Buck finally nods and admits, “Fine. The truth is, I did have a brother, and I did kill him.”

Eddie still finds this hard to believe, but he doesn’t say so. Instead, he asks, “How?”

“Daniel... He was sick. Juvenile leukemia. Treatment wasn’t working, so the doctors said his only chance was a bone marrow transplant. No one was a match, though. Not Mom, or Dad, or even Maddie. So... they had me.”

Though he doesn’t mean to, Eddie gasps, suddenly understanding where this is going.

Buck simply nods and continues, “I was a match. They did the transplant, but the cells didn’t graft, and Daniel, he... he died. It broke Mom and Dad, and they... they were stuck with me.”

“Buck...”

“They ended up getting rid of every trace of Daniel. They told Maddie to never talk about him again. So, I grew up not knowing about him. And because I didn’t know about him, I never understood why my parents seemed to hate me so much. The only time they ever cared at all was when I got hurt, which is why I was so reckless for a while. But then, about two years ago, it all came out.”

“How?” Eddie asks, eyes wide with horror.

“Doug, of course. I think Maddie told him everything that happened, and he decided he wanted to stir shit up, so he went digging and found a picture of Daniel my parents had hidden away. He asked about it, and the whole thing blew up.”

“Jesus.”

Buck shrugs, like he didn’t just share the most insane story Eddie’s ever heard.

“In a way, it’s sort of nice to know the truth, you know? Now at least I understand why my parents are the way they are. It just sucks to know that it really is all my fault.”

“Buck, no,” Eddie insists. “No, none of this is your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I was born to do one thing, Eddie. One thing. And I couldn’t even do that right.”

Eddie shakes his head. “You can’t blame yourself for what happened. That’s insane. I mean, how do you know it wasn’t the doctors who screwed up the transplant somehow? And even if it wasn’t, how’s it your fault the graft didn’t take? It isn’t like that’s something you could control.”

Unfortunately, Buck doesn’t seem open to listening to reason. “I was born to be spare parts, Eddie. Just like Doug said. I was made to fix Daniel, and I couldn’t.”

“Alright, fine. Say that’s true—which it isn’t,” Eddie insists. “But say it is. How does that make you unlovable? Why would that ever make me not want you?”

“Because... Because I... I’m a failure. If my own parents can’t love me, how can anyone else? How can you?”

“Easily,” Eddie says without missing a beat, and Buck’s eyes flick up to meet his again, clearly startled. He continues, “You’re one of the kindest, funniest, smartest people I’ve ever met. You’re brave. Talented. Good with kids. You’re easy to love, Buck. It’s the furthest thing from impossible to do.”

Now Buck’s big, beautiful eyes are wide with shock, looking at Eddie a bit like he’s hung the moon. Eddie looks right back at him, hoping his own eyes are earnest enough to prove he meant every word he just said. Because he did. He’s never met someone as easy to love as Buck. Hell, he managed to do it in only a few short days.

To really drive his point home, Eddie pulls his injured hand out from under the ice pack and rests it against Buck’s cheek, pulling the boy in for a kiss. He only means for it to be short and sweet, just enough to make his feelings clear, but when he tries to pull back, Buck chases his lips, and who is he to deny the boy anything he wants at a time like this? So, he lets it linger. Lets Buck push him down onto his back on the mattress. Lets Buck straddle his hips.

He isn’t an idiot. He picks up on where this is going pretty quick. And maybe he should put a stop to it. After all, Buck’s hurting. Now’s probably not the time for sex. But... Well, maybe this is the time for sex. Maybe this is the perfect opportunity to take Buck’s mind off everything that just happened and really show him how much Eddie adores him.

With this in mind, Eddie grabs Buck’s hips and gently rolls the two of them so he’s the one hovering over his boyfriend. Because if he’s going to do this, then he’s going to make sure Buck is the main focus this time. It’s the least the boy deserves.

Thanks to their shift in position, Eddie’s finally in a situation he’s familiar with: Settled between the spread legs of his partner. And he knows exactly what to do now that he’s here. He lowers his hips so they’re pressed to Buck’s, the lengths of their cocks resting alongside each other through their jeans, and he begins to slowly grind against his boyfriend. Buck seems more than happy with this, trying his damnedest to deepen their kiss, make it messier, more frantic, but Eddie refuses to let it go too far. This isn’t about being fast and dirty. This is about making sure Buck understands how special he is.

So, Eddie pulls back from the kiss and scatters soft pecks all over the boy’s face. He kisses the corner of his mouth. His cheek. His jaw. The tip of his nose. His eyelids. His birthmark. Then he brings his mouth to his boyfriend’s ear and whispers, “Let me take care of you.”

Buck’s response to this is an eager nod paired with a small shiver that has Eddie’s dick growing harder by the second. Gently, he takes Buck’s earlobe between his teeth, nibling and biting at it while his boyfriend sighs and shudders beneath him, then moves on to kissing down the length of the boy’s neck. He revels in the taste of Buck’s skin, making sure to lick and suck at it as much as humanly possible.

Once he reaches the collar of Buck’s shirt, he sits up on his knees and instructs, “Shirt off.”

Unsurprisingly, Buck’s more than happy to follow the order, also sitting up and all but ripping the shirt from his body. Eddie strips his own shirt off in tandem, leaving them both half-naked, and Buck makes sure to run his hands down the length of Eddie’s bare torso, fingers catching on the medallion hanging from Eddie’s neck as he does so. His touch raises goosebumps along Eddie’s skin, and Eddie allows himself to enjoy it for a short moment before refocusing his attention on making Buck feel good.

He pushes the boy back into the mattress and continues leaving his trail of kisses, mimicking what Buck had done to him the other day. His boyfriend lets out a small whine when Eddie circles one of his nipples with his tongue, so he makes sure to give those extra attention. He licks and sucks and teases at them until Buck begins to squirm, and only then does he move on down the rest of the boy’s body.

Undoing Buck’s pants and getting them pulled off, along with his shoes, is quick work. Eddie leaves Buck’s boxer briefs in place for the moment, however, mostly because he has a feeling it’ll drive Buck insane if he mouths at his dick through them. And he’s right. The second he presses his face to the boy’s groin, mouth open, tonguing at the fabric, Buck’s hips give an involuntary jerk as he gasps, “Fuck!”

“Jesus, Buck, look how wet you are already,” Eddie observes in awe, the tip of his nose brushing the large wet patch of underwear where the tip of Buck’s cock sits.

“Just for you, Eddie,” Buck says, breathless. “No one else makes me wet like you do.”

Eddie nods and praises, “You’re so good for me. Now I’m gonna be good for you.”

Buck gives a high-pitched whine and says, “You’re always good. So fucking good.”

Unable to wait another second, Eddie curls his fingers around the waistband of Buck’s underwear and tugs them down the boy’s legs, flinging them to the side and immediately dropping back down so his face is now next to Buck’s bare, twitching erection. It somehow looks even bigger from this angle, and Eddie wants nothing more than to have it in his mouth. But before he goes any further, he glances up at Buck and checks, “Is this okay?”

“Yeah. Yes. Please,” Buck begs, and that’s all Eddie needs to dive in.

He’s more than a little nervous to suck his first dick, but he doesn’t let that stop him. He wraps his hand around the shaft—his knuckles ache a bit from punching Doug, but he ignores the pain—and then slowly and deliberately licks at the drops of precum leaking from the tip while holding Buck’s gaze. The boy looks a little awestruck, eyes slightly glazed and jaw hanging open, so Eddie makes sure to put on a bit of a show as he slips the first few inches of his boyfriend’s cock into his mouth and hollows his cheeks. The moan this pulls from Buck’s chest is pornographic.

Not wanting to get too eager and gag himself like Buck had the first time he sucked Eddie’s dick, Eddie starts slow, gradually taking another inch at a time. To his surprise, however, he never reaches his limit. He winds up with the entirety of Buck’s length down the back of his throat without even the threat of gagging.

“Oh, holy fuck, h... how’re you doing that?” Buck chokes, eyes practically bugging out of his head now.

Carefully, Eddie pulls back off and says, “I guess I don’t have a gag reflex?”

Buck lets out a slightly deranged laugh. “Jesus fucking Christ. Of course you don’t. You’re literally perfect.”

“I’m not perfect,” Eddie disagrees with a frown. In fact, he’s far from it. If he were perfect, he wouldn’t have gotten his best friend pregnant. If he were perfect, he at the very least would’ve told Buck by now that he’s going to be a father.

It's clear Buck's more than ready to argue this point, but before he can get a word out, Eddie takes him all the way down his throat again. The boy gasps, argument forgotten, and flings his head back as his hands fly to his hair to grip at it. Then, Eddie begins to bob his head, thoroughly enjoying the sensation of Buck’s length hitting the back of his throat over and over.

It doesn’t take long for Buck to stammer out, “I... I’m gonna come...”

Eddie hums in encouragement, and a moment later Buck’s letting out a moan that’s pure sex while his cock jerks in Eddie’s mouth, cum pouring out of it. There’s so much that some dribbles from the corner of Eddie’s mouth, but he does his best to swallow as much down as he can manage.

Once the flood ends, Eddie pulls off Buck’s softening dick with a pop and takes a moment to breathe. Buck, meanwhile, seems to be reveling in the euphoria of his orgasm, eyes closed and a small smile on his face.

“Eddie, that was... That was amazing,” he says after about a minute. Eddie grins in response and starts pressing even more kisses to the insides of his boyfriend’s thighs.

“I’m not done with you yet,” he informs the boy, whose eyes fly open then and meet Eddie’s.

He looks uncertain as he asks, “You’re not?”

“Not unless you want me to be. I wanna fuck you.”

Now Buck shoots into a half-seated position, propped up on his elbows as he blurts, “You want to what?”

“Only if you want me to,” Eddie reiterates. “If your head’s hurting you, or if that’s not something you want—”

“I want,” Buck interrupts, eyes wide and desperate. “I definitely want.”

“And your head's okay?”

“Fuck my head. It's fine. I can barely feel it.”

Eddie’s a little skeptical about how true that is, but after a moment he nods and says, “Okay. You, uh... You might have to talk me through how to... how to get you ready.”

It’s a little ironic, that Eddie’s known he’s gay for longer than Buck, and yet Buck’s the one with infinitely more knowledge about sleeping with guys thanks to his late night research binges. It doesn’t bother Eddie one bit, though. In fact, he likes the idea of being talked through opening his boyfriend up. It’s more than a little hot.

“Yeah. Yeah, I can do that,” Buck says. “Just, uh... You’ll need the lube.”

The lube’s still on Buck’s bedside table from the last time they used it, so Eddie reaches across the massive bed and snatches it up. Once he has it in hand, he looks to the boy for the next step.

Buck’s face, flushed from everything they’ve already done, grows pinker as he asks, “How... How do you want me? On all fours, or—?”

“I want to see your face,” Eddie blurts, sounding pathetically desperate even to his own ears. It’s just... He wants this to be personal. Intimate. And it feels like it can’t be that way if he can’t even look into Buck’s eyes.

To his relief, Buck doesn’t laugh at or make fun of him for this. Not that he thought he would, but still. Instead, the boy looks pleased, and he instructs, “Grab a pillow, then, to... to put under my hips. It’ll give you a better angle to work with.”

Eddie does so, and Buck nods.

“Good,” he praises. “Now, you... You’re gonna want to get your fingers really, uh... really lubed up. And you should, um... You should put it around my... my ass, too, to help with, you know...”

Obediently, Eddie follows Buck’s instructions, applying a generous amount of lube to his fingers. Then, he spreads some of the lube over the boy’s hole, which flutters at his touch. Once that’s done, he looks to Buck again for more guidance.

His boyfriend can’t seem to look away from where Eddie’s hand is hovering near his entrance, head propped up on his arm and eyes locked on the lubed fingers as he says, “Now, you just go one finger at a time and stretch me open. I’ll... I’ll tell you when you can add another. And you’ll want to get up to at least three before you...”

“Fuck you,” Eddie supplies, and Buck seems immediately flustered by his boldness.

“Uh, yeah. Before you fuck me.”

As Eddie presses the tip of his index finger to Buck’s asshole, his heart stutters with nervous anticipation. He’s terrified of somehow hurting the boy, but he knows this is a necessary step to get what he really wants. So, he sucks in a steadying breath and slowly, carefully pushes his finger inside.

The sensation’s honestly similar to fingering a girl. Not exactly the same, but close. Warm, and, with the help of the lube, slippery. This emboldens him a bit, and so once Buck has relaxed around him, he begins to carefully pump the finger in and out.

“Feel okay?” he checks, and Buck’s head bobbles.

“Y... Yeah. Feels so good,” the boy confirms. “Can add another.”

“You sure?” He hasn’t been doing this for nearly as long as Buck had on Eddie before adding a second finger. Buck nods again, though.

“Yes. Do it. Please.”

So, Eddie does as he’s asked, and Buck’s eyes roll to the back of his head with pleasure.

“Ugh. So good, Eddie. Feels amazing.”

This pleases Eddie, though he knows there’s something that’ll make the experience even better for Buck. It takes a few strokes and some repositioning of his hand, but eventually he manages to find what he’s searching for, and Buck immediately shouts, “Oh, fuck, Eddie!”

“That good for you, baby?” Eddie asks, the pet name slipping out. He doesn’t know where it comes from. He never, ever called Shannon anything other than her name. But, for Buck, this feels right.

“Yes. Yes, yes, yes,” Buck gasps, sounding slightly delirious. His enthusiasm emboldens Eddie, who picks up the pace of his thrusts and makes sure to hit that bundle of nerves every time. Then, Buck says, “You should... You should scissor your fingers. St... Stretch me out more.”

Eddie complies, and Buck continues to whine and whimper and squirm while Eddie works away at him. He eventually encourages Eddie to add a third finger, and Eddie finds himself feeling nearly ravenous as he stares down at Buck’s freshly stretched and prepped asshole. He wants to be inside the boy. He wants to feel him wrapped around his dick instead of his fingers. So, he’s relieved when Buck finally announces, “I’m ready. Eddie, I’m ready.”

“Okay. Do you have a condom?”

“In my bag. Front zipper.”

It’s exactly where Buck said it would be, and Eddie tears the wrapper open with his teeth before tossing it onto the bed to use in a minute. Then, he kicks his shoes off and discards his pants and underwear before crawling back onto the bed, stroking his painfully hard erection a few times just to get some relief before rolling the condom onto it.

“Put... Put lube on your dick, before...” Buck says, watching Eddie hungrily. Eddie nods and grabs the lube, applying a generous amount to his cock before positioning himself above Buck like they’d started out. Instead of inserting himself right away, though, he swoops down to kiss the boy. Buck melts into it, a hand cupping the back of Eddie’s neck, and Eddie... He can’t believe he gets to have this. He can’t believe he gets to have this with Buck. Not for the first time, he feels undeserving of this kind of happiness. But he allows himself to enjoy it all the same.

Once they break off the kiss, he lines himself up and checks one more time, “This okay?”

“More than okay,” Buck confirms, blue eyes staring up into Eddie’s. “Want you inside of me, Eddie.”

“Want to be inside of you, baby,” Eddie murmurs. Then, carefully, he begins to push himself in.

It feels so amazing it’s nearly overwhelming. He has to keep stopping so he doesn’t come right then and there, which means it takes a good amount of time before he’s completely inserted, his hips flush against Buck’s ass. Once he is, he drops his forehead to Buck’s, panting as he says, “You’re so fucking tight. Jesus Christ.”

“You’re so big,” Buck replies in a whine. “Feels incredible.”

“You’ve gotta stop saying that, Buck. You’re gonna inflate my ego.”

Buck huffs a laugh. “But I mean it. You are big.”

“Have you seen yourself?” Eddie demands, throwing a pointed glance down at Buck’s dick, which has grown hard again, making it look even more impressive.

“It’s not a competition, Eddie. Now can you please move before I lose my mind?” Buck looks just as desperate as he sounds, and Eddie smirks, grinding his hips in a small, teasing circle, barely moving his cock inside Buck.

“Like that?” he asks smugly. Buck moans, nodding urgently.

“Yeah, yeah, like that. But more.”

Eddie pretends to consider this for a moment, then pulls out an inch before sinking back into the boy, who gives a small gasp.

“That better?” he teases.

“More, Eddie. More,” Buck begs. And, well, Eddie wants more, too. So, he pulls out nearly all the way this time before gently thrusting back in. He knows he could probably be harsher, rougher, and that Buck would eat it up, but... He wants this to be gentle. He wants the boy to feel cared for, not like something Eddie’s just using for his own pleasure.

As he continues to fuck into Buck, Eddie finds himself staring down into the boy’s eyes. He’s almost hypnotized by them, unable—and unwilling—to look away. And as he does so, he finally realizes what this is. What he’s doing.

He isn’t just having sex with his boyfriend. He’s making love to his boyfriend.

For a brief moment, he worries it might be too much for Buck. That the boy might get spooked by the intensity of Eddie’s feelings for him, which he’s sure are written plainly across his face. But instead of pushing him away, Buck reaches up to cradle Eddie’s jaw in his palms and draw him into the softest kiss the two of them have ever shared.

It’s an acknowledgement. A confirmation. An agreement between the two of them that they’re on the same page. That this means the same thing to both of them.

Once their lips part, Eddie begins to thrust with a bit more urgency, though no less intent. His eyes meet Buck’s again, and they stay locked on each other as Eddie does his damnedest to push his boyfriend over the edge. In the end, what it takes is a slight shift in his position, causing the tip of his dick to hit Buck’s prostate with each stroke. The boy tilts his head back and moans Eddie’s name, hand dropping to his cock, and moments later he’s coming all over himself. The sight of this is all Eddie needs to slip over the edge, too, and he comes inside of Buck with a grunt like he’s been punched in the gut, filling the condom in a few short seconds.

Buck seems to be at a loss for words as Eddie carefully slips out of him. Not that Eddie can blame him. He feels a bit speechless after what they just did, too. Finally, though, the boy manages to stammer out, “Eddie, that was... Holy shit.”

All Eddie can do is nod in agreement. “It was, yeah.”

“I sort of thought I’d be the one to... to, you know... do that to you,” Buck admits, a wide grin beginning to spread across his face. “But that was... It was incredible.”

“You liked it, then?” Eddie checks, his own smile probably just as blinding as Buck’s. He has to fight back a laugh as his boyfriend gives him the most dumbfounded, perplexed look he’s ever gotten from anyone before.

“Um, yes. Obviously.”

Eddie’s smile turns into a smirk, then, as he leans down and whispers against Buck’s lips, “I guess we’ll have to do it again sometime, then.”

“Obviously,” Buck repeats, his own grin shifting into a smirk as well before he closes the barely-there distance between their lips. They kiss, and kiss, and then Buck rolls them over so now he’s hovering over Eddie as they kiss some more. It’s perfect. A perfect moment that has Eddie feeling like he’s floating on air.

He considers finally saying the words out loud. I love you. Because surely, after what they just did, Buck must feel the same, right? And Eddie already sort of admitted it, anyway, in not so many words. But something stops him.

Guilt, he realizes. Guilt over not having told Buck the truth about himself, yet. About his situation. Because Buck deserves to know the entirety of what he’s getting himself into if he stays with Eddie. And it wouldn’t be fair for Eddie to tell Buck how he feels if Buck doesn’t know what being with Eddie will really mean.

So, Eddie decides, he’ll tell Buck tomorrow. He’ll tell him all of it. He’ll tell him about Shannon, and the baby, and what Eddie will have to do to provide for this family he’s about to have. And then, if Buck doesn’t tell him to fuck off after that, Eddie will finally tell the boy how he feels about him.

But, for now, he kisses his boyfriend and basks with him in the afterglow.

Chapter Text

Eddie and Buck are woken up the next morning by a sharp rapping on their door.

“Go away, Chimney!” Buck calls out, voice rough with sleep. It rumbles deep in his chest, which Eddie’s head is resting on, and Eddie snuggles deeper into the boy’s side, pressing a lazy kiss to his bare skin.

“You don’t want breakfast?” he mumbles, stifling a yawn.

Buck shakes his head petulantly. “No. I want to sleep.”

“Should’ve put up the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign, then.”

There’s another sharp rap on the door, this time accompanied by a voice not belonging to Chimney, but rather Phillip Buckley, calling, “Evan, open this door. Now.”

This effectively shocks Buck awake the rest of the way, and he casts Eddie an uncertain glance before rolling out of bed and hurrying across the room. Sure enough, when he tugs the door open, there are his parents, standing side by side, expressions grim.

“Mom? Dad? W... What’s going on?” he asks. Wanting to provide his boyfriend some support, Eddie climbs out of bed and moves to stand half a step behind him, reaching out to twine their fingers together.

“We’re leaving,” Phillip informs them. “Pack your things and meet us in the lobby by ten.”

“What? Why?”

Margaret huffs. “Why do you think? That scene you all caused last night, of course. We’ll never be able to show our faces here again.”

Buck grips Eddie’s hand a little tighter as he grits out, “The ‘scene’ that happened because we found out Doug’s been abusing Maddie?”

“That was a delicate situation that should’ve been dealt with delicately,” Phillip says.

“Right, right. Delicately. Like how Doug treated Maddie? Did that black eye look delicate to you?”

“We aren’t any happier about the situation than you are,” Margaret huffs. “But these aren’t the kinds of things meant to be aired out in public. Now we’re the laughingstock of the resort.”

Eddie’s surprised Buck doesn’t knock himself over with the force of the eyeroll he gives at this.

“Oh, God forbid people know we aren’t the perfect all-American family,” he scoffs. Then, he glares at his parents as he demands, “Do you even know if Maddie’s okay? Have you checked on her this morning? Did she go back to Doug?”

Phillip shakes his head. “Doug left last night. He took his and Maddie’s car, so she’s riding home with us.”

That’s a relief, at least. Eddie hopes he never has to see Doug’s smug face ever again. Buck seems slightly mollified by this news, too, his shoulders relaxing ever-so-slightly.

“Now,” Phillip continues, “you and Eddie need to pack. This is not up for discussion. We’re leaving.”

With that, he turns and marches back to his and Margaret’s room, his wife hurrying to follow. Once they’ve disappeared behind their own door, Buck turns to Eddie with a dumbfounded expression and asks, “Can you believe them?”

Eddie sighs. “Unfortunately, I’ve gotten very used to your parents’ fucked up priorities this week.”

“It’s like they don’t even care about what happened to Maddie! How can they be so calm about all this?”

“I don’t know,” Eddie agrees with a shrug. “If I found out my kid was being abused by their partner, I’d lose my mind.”

Even the hypothetical fills him with rage. His child isn’t even born yet and he’s ready to hunt down and kill anyone who’d even dare to think about hurting them.

Buck eyes Maddie’s door across the hall for a long moment, looking unsure if he should go over and check on her, but then he sighs and says, “Well, guess we’d better start packing.”

It's clear Buck’s disappointed that they’re leaving the resort early, even if he doesn’t say as much, and Eddie doesn’t blame him for it. It really sucks that the already short amount of time he has to spend with Bobby and the rest of the staff is being cut even shorter. Especially when the Buckley parents are acting like they might never return.

The boy doesn’t voice his complaints, though. He simply moves through the room like a tornado, snatching up all his things and tossing them haphazardly into his bags. Eddie takes a more methodical approach, checking every nook and cranny for things that might’ve been misplaced and packs his belongings away carefully. It takes the two of them about half an hour to get the room looking like they were never here, and then they make their way down to the lobby, where Margaret, Phillip, and Maddie—whose bruises are somehow even darker and more jarring than they had been last night—are already waiting for them. Bobby and Athena are standing there, too, presumably to see them all off.

“We’re very sorry to see you go so soon,” Athena’s saying to Buck’s parents, not looking nearly as sorry as she’s trying to sound. “We hope you still decide to come back next year.”

“I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to show our faces here again,” Margaret sighs, looking on the verge of tears. “We’re so embarrassed by everything that happened.”

Bobby shakes his head. “Please, don’t worry about that. We’re just glad everyone’s safe.”

“Though Mr. Kendall, of course, is not invited back,” Athena makes a point to say, giving Maddie a stern but not unkind look. Maddie forces a weak smile.

“I don’t think you need to worry about that,” she assures the woman, who gives a brisque nod.

“Good. I hope you realize you deserve better than what that man can give you.”

Maddie doesn’t reply to that, just ducks her head and averts her eyes. Then, everyone turns their attention to Eddie and Buck as they approach the group.

Phillip looks displeased as he snaps, “You’re late.”

Which isn’t actually true. In fact, they’re a couple minutes early, which is honestly impressive considering the short notice of their departure, but neither Eddie nor Buck chooses to argue with the man. Instead, they ignore him completely and smile at the Grant-Nashes.

“Buck. Don’t forget to keep in touch,” Bobby instructs, reaching out to clasp Buck’s shoulder with a large hand. Then, he looks to Eddie and says, “You too, Eddie.”

“I’ll add him to the group chat,” Buck promises, and Eddie’s heart flutters. It’s nice, to actually be a part of this—the family Buck’s built for himself. Before, he’d thought it was all fake. Temporary, like his and Buck’s “relationship.” But it’s real now. He and Buck are real, and Eddie will get the chance to see everyone again, and... Holy shit. That means he’s actually out to all these people. It’s not just for the job anymore. They know he’s gay, and it’s for real, because he and Buck are together.

It feels... good. More than good, even. It feels great to be accepted for who he is, and to feel free to be his true self without hiding. It’s also a little surreal, to realize he’s come out to at least a hundred people and that the world didn’t end because of it.

Margaret and Phillip both roll their eyes at the mention of the group chat, but they don’t comment on it. Instead, they grab their bags and march toward the front doors, clearly expecting Eddie and their children to follow their lead. So, with a final round of subdued goodbyes, they do exactly that.

Someone’s pulled the Buckleys’ car around for them, making it easy to get everything loaded in the back, and they’re about to climb in and head off when a voice calls out, “Maddie, hold on a second!”

Everyone turns to find Chimney hurrying out of the resort, holding something in his hand. He stops in front of Maddie, looking a little bashful as he offers out the mystery item to her and says, “I, um... I was gonna give this to you for Christmas, but I... Well, obviously I didn’t, but... I wanted to give it to you now.”

Maddie blinks, looking a little stunned, and then delicately takes what turns out to be a small, wrapped gift from his hand. Carefully, she undoes the wrapping paper and slips it off whatever’s inside. Her expression quickly shifts from puzzled to endeared, and Eddie strains his neck to see what she’s holding. He’s not positive of what he’s seeing, but he’s pretty sure it’s... a pair of fuzzy socks?

“I know they’re not much,” Chimney quickly says. “But you mentioned last year that your feet are always cold in the winter, and I saw those in a store a few months ago and thought you might like them, so—”

“Howie. I love them,” Maddie interrupts, smiling warmly at the man. “Thank you.”

Chimney’s face goes red, but he nods and smiles right back at her. “You’re welcome. I, uh... I hope you’ll be back next year.”

“I will be,” she promises. Then, she steps forward, presses a quick kiss to his cheek, and hugs the socks to her chest as she turns and climbs into the backseat of the Buckleys’ SUV. Chimney looks a little startled, but he quickly shakes it off and backs up toward the resort, a lovestruck smile quirking his lips.

Eddie and the others pile into the car after Maddie, and soon enough they’re on the road, headed back to Hershey and the Buckleys’ home. The first few minutes of the drive are spent in blissful silence, but that peace doesn’t last long. How could it, when Margaret and Phillip are involved?

“Why did the bellhop give you a Christmas present?” Margaret demands, turning to glance back at Maddie, who took the seat between Eddie and Buck despite their offers to let her have one of the window seats.

Maddie doesn’t take the bait, keeping her voice calm and neutral as she says, “Because he’s my friend.”

This doesn’t seem to appease her mother, who gives a disapproving hum.

“I don’t think it was very appropriate for him to give a gift to a married woman like that.”

“Well,” Maddie says with a shrug, “I’m not gonna be married for much longer, so...”

At this, Buck absolutely lights up, beaming at his sister as he asks, “Wait, really? You’re divorcing Doug?”

“I... Yeah. Yeah, I am,” Maddie confirms. “I’m gonna be staying with Mom and Dad for a bit while I contact a lawyer and get the papers drawn up.”

“Wow, Mads, that’s... That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you!”

Phillip harumphs, eyes locked on the road as he says, “Yes, a divorce. That’s really something to celebrate.”

His words drip with sarcasm, and Buck scowls at him.

“It is when she was married to someone like Doug.”

“Well, we did try to tell her that getting together with Doug was a bad idea,” Margaret points out. “But she just wouldn’t listen to us.”

“Exactly,” Phillip agrees. “We tried to warn her. I knew from the moment I met him that Doug was no good. But Maddie’s always been stubborn.”

Maddie sighs, sinking down in her seat a bit, the sparkle Chimney’s gift had put in her eyes now dulled again. Voice exhausted, she asks, “Can we please not talk about this right now?”

Margaret frowns. “Well, when can we talk about it? Because I think you owe your father and I an apology or two for all the times we told you we didn’t like Doug and you—”

“She doesn’t owe you anything!” Buck argues. “Can’t you just be happy for her that she’s getting out of a bad relationship?”

“I think Maddie only got into that ‘bad relationship’ for the same reason you ended up in the hospital all the time as a kid: To get our attention,” Phillip says bluntly. “You’ve both always been so rebellious—”

Eddie can’t keep quiet anymore. He tried. He really did. But this is too much. He can’t take it.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he demands, eyes flicking between the Buckley parents, appalled. “Both of you. How the hell do you live with yourselves?”

Phillip sputters, clearly taken aback by Eddie’s harsh words. “I beg your pardon?”

“You guys have two of the greatest kids in the world. You know that, right? Buck and Maddie... They’re two of the smartest, kindest people I’ve ever met. And you treat them like shit.”

Margaret’s eyes are wide and furious now. In fact, if looks could kill, Eddie would be dead at least a hundred times over.

“You have no right to speak to us that way,” she hisses.

“Yeah, actually, I do,” Eddie counters. “You can’t silence me like you’re constantly trying to silence them. This whole trip, I’ve been forced to watch you and your husband take two of the best people I know and try your damnedest to make them feel small. It’s pathetic. You’re both pathetic.”

“Evan,” Phillip demands, casting a glance back at his son. “Are you going to let him talk to us like this?”

Buck hesitates for a moment, then sits up straight in his seat, eyes filled with resolve as he says, “He’s right. You don’t treat me and Maddie well. You act like we’re... Like we’re inconvenient. Like you don’t want us around.”

This earns him a scoff from his father, who snaps, “Oh, don’t be ridiculous.”

“He isn’t,” Maddie pipes up, looking slightly terrified to be doing so. “Ever since Daniel—”

“Don’t bring your brother into this!” Margaret all but yells, but Maddie pushes on.

“Ever since Daniel, you’ve acted like you’re almost... resentful that you have to be parents. Like you’re resentful of us.”

Margaret huffs, eyes wide and watery. “Well, you... You both never made it easy on us.”

“We were supposed to?” Maddie demands. “We were kids.”

“Your mother and I have done everything for you two,” Phillip growls. “You grew up having everything you could ever want.”

“All I wanted was parents who loved me,” Buck says with heartbreaking honesty.

This should be the moment the Buckley parents finally redeem themselves. When they push back with an “Of course we love you” or a “How could you think we don’t?” or... something. Anything. But that doesn’t happen. They don’t say anything at all. In fact, they almost look... guilty. And that... It’s just... It’s unfathomable. How could anyone not love Buck? How could a parent not love their child?

“You know, I actually feel sorry for you two,” Eddie says after a long moment, glaring at Margaret and Phillip with every ounce of hatred he holds in his heart for them. “Because if you can’t see how incredible your kids are, you must be pretty fucking miserable people.”

With that, the car falls back into silence, though this time it’s decidedly uncomfortable. Buck turns his head to stare out the window, wearing a forlorn expression, and Maddie buries her face in her hands while Margaret and Phillip glare straight ahead out the windshield. No one speaks for the rest of the two-hour drive back to the Buckleys’ home, and when they finally pull into the driveway, they unload their bags without a word, too. In fact, it isn’t until Eddie and Buck have made it into the bedroom upstairs with the door shut behind them that anyone makes a single noise at all.

It’s Buck who does it, throwing his suitcase to the floor with as much force as he can muster, the loud bang of its collision with the ground making Eddie jump. The boy then kicks it for good measure before dropping into a crouch, body curled in on itself and hands gripping at the back of his neck as he gives a shuddering sob.

Eddie flings his own things aside and immediately kneels beside his boyfriend, wrapping him in a fierce hug as he whispers, “Come on, Buck, no. It’s okay. You’re okay. Don’t let them get to you like this.”

“I knew,” Buck cries. “I knew they didn’t love me. But... To have them basically admit it...”

“They’re fucking idiots. They’re horrible parents, and... and they don’t deserve you, Buck. You’re an amazing person, and they don’t deserve you.”

Buck shakes his head. “I get it, though. I understand why they hate me. I couldn’t save Daniel, and—”

“Your worth doesn’t come from who you did or didn’t save, Buck,” Eddie insists. “You shouldn’t have to earn love. You deserve it always, no matter what. And the people who matter—who really matter—love you. You’ve got to remember that.”

In his back pocket, his phone begins to vibrate with a call, but he ignores it. Whoever it is can leave a message or text him.

With a little sniffle, Buck finally lifts his head as he asks, “You sure you want to be with someone not even his parents can love?”

“More than sure.”

The buzzing in his pocket stops, only to immediately start up again. He continues to ignore it.

“Why?” Buck asks, eyes desperately searching Eddie’s face, like he’s hoping to find answers there.

“Why?” Eddie echoes, bewildered. “Because you’re you, Buck. Because you’re one of the best people I’ve ever met.”

Again, the buzzing stops and immediately starts back up. Agitated, he yanks the phone out and glances at the screen, his stomach immediately dropping as he registers that the incoming call is from Shannon, and that the missed calls are also from her.

Buck must notice the change in Eddie’s demeanor, because his expression immediately shifts from miserable to worried as he asks, “Everything okay?”

“I, uh... I need to take this. It might be an emergency.”

God, please don’t let it be the baby. Don’t let there be anything wrong with the baby. If something’s wrong with the baby and Eddie isn’t there...

Buck nods, looking the least bit upset that their emotional conversation has been interrupted, and that only makes Eddie love him more. With shaking legs, Eddie stands and accepts the call, putting the phone to his ear as he answers with, “Shan? What’s wrong?”

“Eddie. Oh my god, Eddie, I’m so sorry. I messed up. I messed up, and now—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down,” Eddie says, heart hammering as he tries his best not to panic. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“My mom, she... She was cleaning my room, and she found the pamphlet from the OBGYN and... and the ultrasound photos... She told my dad, and he freaked out, and they figured out the baby’s yours, and... My dad called your parents...”

No. No, no, no.

“Shannon...”

Shannon gives a little sob. “Eddie, I’m so sorry. They know about the baby, and they... they know you haven't been spending Christmas with my family.”

Chapter Text

This is a nightmare. A goddamn waking nightmare. Fuck. Fuck.

Eddie pulls the phone away from his ear for a second and turns to Buck, who’s gotten to his feet and is hovering a few steps away.

“I... I’m gonna take this outside,” he stutters, nodding toward the bedroom door.

Buck frowns, brow furrowed with worry. “Everything okay?”

“Family emergency.” Which isn’t completely a lie, at least. This does involve his family, and it feels like a pretty damn big emergency to him. “I’m gonna... I’ll be right back.”

And with that, he ducks out of the bedroom and hurries downstairs, stepping out onto the porch. It’s freezing cold, especially without a coat on, but he can’t risk anyone overhearing this conversation. Once he’s sure he’s alone, he puts the phone back up to his ear and asks, “Shan? You still there?”

Shannon’s voice drips with worry as she says, “Yeah, I am. Are you okay? What’re you doing?”

“I stepped outside,” he explains. “Now, tell me exactly what my parents know.”

“They know we’re having a baby, and they know you lied about what you were doing for Christmas.”

“Do they know where I am?”

“No. I didn’t tell anyone anything about that.”

Eddie breathes out a small sigh of relief. At least that’s one secret that isn’t out in the open... yet.

“Okay. So why the hell did your dad call my parents?” he asks, slightly perplexed by this. It isn’t like they’re a couple of teenagers who got pregnant in high school. They’re adults, even if only barely.

Shannon sighs. “He was upset. Originally, he wanted your number so he could talk to you ‘man to man,’ but when I wouldn’t give it to him, he pulled up your dad’s number and called it, instead. I think he assumed you’d be at home for the holidays.”

God, Eddie feels sick to his stomach. “What’d my dad say?”

“I could only hear my dad’s side of the conversation. He basically told your dad what he knew about our... situation and asked to talk to you. I’m assuming your dad was probably confused since he thought you’ve been with us this whole time. I don’t know. I ran out of there, like, five seconds ago to call and warn you.”

“Shit. Shit,” Eddie curses, kicking at one of the wooden posts holding up the porch’s banister and trying his damnedest not to spiral into the anxiety attack he can feel quickly approaching. “This is bad. This is—”

His phone begins to vibrate with a second call, and he has the sudden, overwhelming urge to puke when he pulls it back from his ear to glance down at the screen and finds the word MOM staring back at him.

“Fuck. My mom’s calling me.”

Shannon swears, too. “Are you gonna answer?”

“I have to. It’ll only make things worse if I don’t.”

“God. Alright. Good luck. Let me know how it goes.”

“Sure. Bye, Shan.” Then, he switches over to the other call and says, in his most casual voice, “Hey, Mom. What’s up?”

“Edmundo Diaz. Where the hell are you?”

Eddie’s mom would usually rather die than be caught swearing. That’s how he knows he’s in deep shit.

“I, uh... I can explain.”

“Which part?” his dad’s voice pipes up, dripping with disapproval. “The baby you’re having out of wedlock or the fact that you’ve been lying to us about where you’ve been?”

With a wince, Eddie says, “A... All of it.”

“Well, this ought to be good. Please, by all means. Explain.”

Great. Okay. Here goes nothing.

“Shannon and I... We found out about the baby a few weeks ago. And we were going to tell you guys, just... after the holidays.”

“Eddie, how could you be so irresponsible?” his mom demands. “How could you let this happen?”

“It was an accident,” he murmurs, squeezing his eyes shut and pinching the bridge of his nose to fend off a mounting headache.

His dad scoffs. “Edmundo, buying the wrong brand of milk at the grocery store, that’s an accident. Throwing away an important receipt with a pile of trash, that’s an accident. Getting a girl pregnant? That is not an accident. That is a choice. A series of choices, even.”

Shame licks its way up Eddie’s throat and heats his face. Because his dad’s right. It was a choice. A stupid, drunken choice. And it was also their choice to keep the baby. A choice Eddie doesn’t regret in the slightest, but a choice nonetheless.

“And none of this explains where you’ve been all break,” his mom says. “If you haven’t been here with us, and you haven’t been with the mother of your child, where are you?”

This is the tricky part. Explaining without really explaining. Coming up with a lie believable enough to keep his parents from realizing the truth.

Sucking in a deep breath to steel himself, he admits, “Pennsylvania.”

“Pennsylvania?” his dad exclaims. “What the hell are you doing in Pennsylvania?”

“I’m here for a... a job. One of my classmates told me about it. It’s at a ski resort, and it pays really well. Enough to help with a lot of the expenses Shannon and I are about to have. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity.”

“How much are you making?” his mom asks, sounding genuinely curious, and a spark of hope flares in his chest that maybe he can salvage at least some of the respect he’s lost with his parents over this whole thing.

“Ten thousand dollars for these two weeks.”

His dad suddenly begins to hack on the other end of the line, like he’s choked on something, and his mother's voice is worried as she asks, “Ramon, are you okay?”

The coughing finally stops, and Eddie’s dad gasps, “Ten thousand? For two weeks?”

“Yeah. This place... It’s really nice. A lot of rich people stay here, so the pay’s a lot higher than at other resorts.”

He hates lying, but he has to. He doesn’t have a choice.

“Well, that... That is good,” his dad relents, but then his tone grows firm again as he adds, “But you should have told us from the beginning. I don’t like the lying, Edmundo. And what about the girl? Are you planning to make this right with her?”

“Right?”

“Marry her, Eddie. Are you going to marry her?”

It’s a miracle Eddie doesn’t start choking at that. He wasn’t expecting it at all, though he probably should’ve. To his family, that’s the obvious next step. You get a girl pregnant, you get married to her so the baby isn’t born out of wedlock. Especially if that girl is someone you’ve been “dating” for years.

Without thinking, he quickly stammers, “I... Yeah. Yeah, I’m gonna marry her. The money I’m making with this job will help with that, too.”

And maybe that’s not even a lie. Or, it doesn’t have to be. He could marry Shannon. The two of them... They’re good together. She’s his best friend. If he were going to marry any woman, he thinks she would be the best option. After all, he does love her. Maybe not the way she wishes he would, but... but they could still be happy. Right?

His mom gives a long-suffering sigh. “Alright. I’m still not happy about any of this, but... we can discuss it more when you come home for Easter. You should bring Shannon with you, too, so we can get the wedding planned.”

“Yeah. Okay. Sure.” Eddie would agree to anything at this point to make this conversation end, his mind fuzzy with panic. “I, uh... I’ll let Shannon know.”

Behind him, there’s a strange creaking noise, and he turns to find the front door slightly ajar and blowing in the wind. He must not have closed it all the way in his haste to get outside. He reaches out and pulls it shut to keep from letting a draft into the house as his dad says, “You do that. We’ll talk more soon, son.”

“Yep. Bye Dad. Bye Mom.”

He can’t hang up fast enough. Once the call has ended, he stuffs the phone in his pocket and leans back against the door, letting his head thud against the wood as he stares out at the snow-covered suburban neighborhood around him. God, what a mess. A mess he has no one else to blame for but himself. He should’ve known nothing could ever be easy for him. He should’ve known that all the good things that’ve happened to him this past week couldn’t last.

And, fuck. Buck. Buck still doesn’t know any of what’s going on with Eddie, and now Eddie’s promised to marry Shannon, and... Will he and Buck still be able to make something work? Probably not if Eddie’s married, right? 

All he knows is that he has to go back inside and come clean to his boyfriend. Buck deserves to know the truth. The whole truth. In fact, he’s deserved that for a long time, and Eddie’s selfishly withheld it out of fear. He can’t do that anymore, though. He’s going to be a father. So, it’s about time for him to be a man.

Dread twisting his insides, Eddie makes his way back into the house and upstairs like someone marching to their own execution. As he walks, he tries to find the best way to explain everything, but every combination of words he comes up with sounds worse than the last. There really isn’t a good way to admit to having lied through omission for over a week.

Buck’s sitting on his bed, staring down at his phone when Eddie enters the room. He doesn’t look up as Eddie shuts the door behind him, and Eddie hates himself even more for what he’s about to dump on the boy after everything he just went through with his own parents.

Before Eddie can begin his pathetic attempt at explaining himself, however, Buck says, “I changed your return flight. It leaves in a few hours. Maddie’s gonna drive you to the airport.”

That effectively takes what little wind Eddie had out of his sails, and he stutters, “W... What?”

Instead of answering, Buck’s thumb taps something on his phone screen, and a moment later Eddie’s own phone buzzes. Reluctantly, he pulls it from his back pocket and glances down at the screen. Sitting there is a Venmo notification for five thousand dollars from Evan Buckley.

“Buck, what is this?” he asks. “What’s happening?”

“Why don’t you tell me, Eddie?” Buck bites back, finally looking up from his phone with a glare. “Because apparently I don’t actually know what this is.”

All the blood drains from Eddie’s face.

“You heard.”

Buck scoffs. “Yeah. I heard, alright.”

“Okay, just, let me explain—”

“Not sure there’s much to explain,” Buck interrupts, tossing his phone to the side so he can use both hands to scrub at his face frustratedly. “You’re getting married. To Shannon. Who you told me you weren’t dating. And this whole thing was just to make money to be able to do that.”

Eddie quickly shakes his head as he insists, “No, no, Buck, that’s not true. That’s not—”

“Does Shannon know about everything we did? Was she okay with it all? With you fucking me?”

“Buck, please, just let me—”

“Or maybe it was all her idea,” Buck proposes with a humorless bark of a laugh. “Did she tell you to string me along so I’d maybe pay you even more than we agreed on? Was this all some kind of... of hustle?”

“No. Buck, no, that’s not what this was. You don’t understand. Shannon and I, we’re having—”

But the boy doesn’t let him finish, instead shooting to his feet and stomping past where Eddie stands in the middle of the room to the door behind him.

“I’m such an idiot,” he mutters. “I really thought you... I thought we...”

“Buck—”

Buck scoffs again, shaking his head at himself as he says, “I guess that’s my fault, though. I should’ve known. My own parents don’t love me. Why’d I think you’d be any different?”

With that, he storms out of the room, slamming the door behind him, and Eddie’s heart shatters into a million little pieces. He wants to race after Buck, wants to explain himself, but he suddenly can’t seem to catch his breath, and his legs aren’t able to hold his weight anymore. Collapsing to the ground, he puts his head between his knees and does his best to suck in some air as his ears ring and vision swims.

God, he ruined everything. He’s such an idiot. A goddamn idiot. If he’d just been honest from the very beginning—or, at least, from the moment he realized this thing the two of them had was real—none of this would be happening. Buck could’ve made an educated decision about whether he wanted to deal with Eddie’s bullshit or not, and then, if he’d chosen to be with Eddie, he would’ve understood the situation. Maybe he could’ve even helped Eddie figure out the right thing to do. But Eddie, in his infinite selfishness, stripped that decision away from Buck. And in the process, he hurt the one person he never wanted to hurt.

He was an idiot, to think he could have it all. Of course he can’t. If there’s one truth he’s always held in his heart, it’s this:

Eddie Diaz does not get a happily ever after.

#

Eddie’s numb as he gathers his bags and makes his way downstairs, where he finds Maddie waiting for him by the front door, her expression puzzled. Clearly, Buck didn’t explain the situation to her, because if he had Eddie’s sure she’d be giving him a look with much less kindness behind it. As it stands, it seems like she expects Eddie to share what’s going on, but he doesn’t say anything. He just makes his way past her to the SUV and tosses his things in the back before taking the passenger seat.

She lets him mope in silence for the first half of the drive, but after fifteen minutes she can’t seem to keep quiet anymore and finally asks, “Eddie, what’s going on?”

He doesn’t want to do this. He doesn’t want to admit how badly he fucked up to Maddie of all people. She had believed in him. Said she thought he was good for her brother. And he’d basically proven the exact opposite to be true.

“I, um...” he mutters, slouching down in his seat and fixing his eyes out the window. “I lied to Buck. Hurt him. So, he’s sending me home.”

Maddie considers this for a long beat, then says, “What’d you lie about?”

Eddie sighs. “I’d really rather not talk about it.”

“Come on. Just tell me. Maybe I can help.”

“You can’t, Maddie. I... I have... stuff going on that I didn’t tell him about. And he overheard me talking about it on the phone and he... he misunderstood what I was saying... Or, well, maybe he didn’t misunderstand, but he didn’t know the full story, and... Honestly, none of it matters, because it’s probably better this way, anyway. I’m no good for him.”

“I don’t believe that,” Maddie disagrees with a shake of her head. “I saw the two of you this week. You obviously care about each other, and the way you stood up for him against our parents... Whatever this misunderstanding was about, I’m sure you guys can work it out.”

God, he wishes that were true. But... “Even if we could work it out, I don’t think we should. I don’t want to drag him down with me. He deserves better.”

“Don’t you think he should be able to decide for himself what he does or doesn’t deserve?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“I’m sure whatever it is that you think—”

“I’m gonna be a father!” Eddie shouts. He doesn’t mean for it to come out... at all, really, but especially not like that. Maddie flinches a little at his tone, making him even guiltier for his outburst, but then her eyes widen, and she turns to stare at him for a moment before seeming to remember she’s driving and returning her attention to the road.

Eyebrows practically in her hairline, she asks, “You’re having a baby?”

Eddie buries his face in his hands. “Yes. I’m having a baby.”

“With... With who?”

“My best friend, Shannon.”

“And that’s why Buck’s upset? Because he found out?”

“No,” Eddie groans. “That’s the part he doesn’t know.”

Maddie gasps. “Seriously? What does he know, then?”

For some reason, Eddie can’t bring himself to say what Buck overheard. That he promised to marry someone else. It’s just too shameful to admit.

“It... doesn’t matter. The point is, my life’s too complicated, Maddie. Buck deserves someone who can... who can love him openly. Who doesn’t have so much baggage. Who won’t hurt him like I just did.”

“Did you cheat on him or something?” Maddie demands, casting Eddie a stern look, and he shakes his head.

“Of course not. I’d never do that to him. That’s not what this is about.”

“Well, if it’s not that, then I’m sure it’s something the two of you could work through. And I stand by what I said. I think you should let Buck decide what he deserves.”

She just doesn’t get it. And how can she, when Eddie’s withholding vital information from her? But he has no intention of telling her more than he already has, so he simply shuts his mouth and spends the rest of the drive to the airport refusing to say another word. Maybe it’s childish, but he doesn’t know what else to do. Talking to Maddie about this is only working to depress him more about what he’ll never get to have. So, he chooses not to talk at all.

When they reach the airport, he mutters a quick goodbye to the woman, then morosely makes his way through security and to his gate. He texts Shannon to ask her to pick him up from LAX in eight hours, which she immediately agrees to do, and then he ignores her other messages asking what’s wrong and why he’s returning home early.

The flights are miserable, not because they go poorly or even because catching the connection is a hassle, but because Eddie’s miserable. He hadn’t thought it was possible, but somehow his heart breaks more and more with every mile further away he gets from Buck. After spending nearly every waking—and non-waking—moment with the boy, being separated from him feels wrong. And having this emotional wedge between them is nearly unbearable.

He expects Shannon to be waiting for him in her car when he finally arrives in LA around seven PM, but instead he finds her standing at the baggage claim, brow furrowed with worry. Something about seeing her finally breaks through the last frayed strands of whatever was holding him together, and he practically collapses into her arms when he reaches her, sobbing into her shoulder. She holds him tight, keeping him upright as she shushes him and whispers soothing things in his ear. He’d be embarrassed about breaking down in the middle of a crowded airport if he weren’t so emotionally drained.

“Come on, grab your suitcase and we can go,” Shannon urges, pulling back from their embrace once he’s calmed down a bit to smile kindly at him. “Then you can tell me what happened in the car.” 

So, that’s what he does. He snatches his suitcase off the carousel and follows Shannon to the parking garage, where he stashes his things in her trunk before climbing into the sedan. She doesn’t push him for answers immediately as she navigates her way through the LAX traffic and onto the freeway, but once they’re free and clear she asks, “So, what happened?”

Part of him doesn’t want to confess all the ways he fucked up to Shannon, the same way he didn’t want to confess them to Maddie. But Shannon’s different. She’s his best friend. The mother of his child. If he can tell anyone about what happened in Pennsylvania, it’s her.

So, he does. He tells her about getting to know Buck, and growing to like him first as a friend and then as more than a friend. He tells her about their first kiss, and the hot tub, and everything that followed. He tells her some things about the Buckley parents and Doug, though he tries his best to be respectful about what is and isn’t his information to share. And then, he tells her about Buck overhearing his conversation with his parents and sending him packing.

Once it’s all out there, he expects Shannon to sympathize or maybe give him some advice. What he doesn’t expect her to say is...

“You told your parents you were gonna marry me?”

“I... Yes?” He has a feeling this isn’t the answer she wants to hear.

He’s right. She blinks at the long stretch of freeway ahead of them for a moment before reaching out to blindly smack at Eddie’s arm.

“Ow! Hey!” he complains, trying to get away from her assault, which is hard to do in the confined space of the car’s cab.

“You are an idiot, Eddie Diaz!” she berates him. “What is wrong with you?”

Eddie gapes at her. “What do you mean?”

“I’m not gonna marry you! Are you crazy?”

And, yeah. Maybe he is. Because he really hadn’t expected Shannon to say no to the idea. Though, to be fair, he hadn’t really thought far enough ahead to think about what she’d say at all. His parents had told him it was the right thing to do, and he’d just... accepted it.

“But... But the baby...”

Shannon cocks an eyebrow at him. “What about it? The baby will be fine whether we’re married or not. Why would you even want to marry me?”

Which is probably a fair question, considering. He tries not to sound like a complete idiot as he says, “My parents said I should.”

“Alright, well, I don’t give a fuck what your parents say,” Shannon informs him. “I’m not marrying my gay best friend just because he got me pregnant. If I get married, it’s gonna be for love, not obligation.”

“Oh.”

That’s all he can think to say, completely thrown by the rejection. He probably shouldn’t be, but he is. Maybe because he’s so used to blindly doing everything his parents tell him to. He never in a million years expected Shannon not to go along with it.

“Eddie, you need to stop letting your parents control you.” Shannon’s voice is gentle now, but also earnest, like she really wants him to listen to what she’s saying. “This is your life, not theirs. And don’t you want it to be about more than pleasing your mom and dad? I mean, the fun you had with Buck this past week? You could have that every day until you’re both old and gray and wrinkly. Isn’t that better than being in a loveless marriage just because someone told you to?”

Yes. Yes, that is better. But just because it’s better, that doesn’t mean it’s easy for Eddie to let himself have that.

“I have to keep my parents happy, Shannon. So I can get a job with my dad to pay for the baby.”

Shannon frowns. “A job in Texas? So, what, you’re not even gonna live in LA with me and the baby?”

This trips Eddie up a bit, and he frowns back at Shannon. “I... What? No, I... I figured we’d all go back to Texas and—”

“Oh my god. Eddie, I love you. I really do. But you can be an idiot sometimes,” Shannon sighs, shaking her head. “I’m absolutely not moving back to Texas with you. My whole family’s in LA!”

Which... Yeah. Okay. Maybe Eddie should’ve considered that. He just thought...

“I have to be able to support you, though. And the job with my dad—”

“—isn't the only way you can do that,” Shannon interrupts. “You can get a different job in LA. And I can get a job to help pay for the baby, too. And, if you worked things out with Buck, I’m sure he’d also help pay for the baby. We’d have three incomes, Eddie. It doesn’t always have to come down to just you. You don’t have to be the sole provider who takes care of everyone else.”

A traitorous tear escapes from the corner of Eddie’s eye, and he quickly wipes it away with the tips of his fingers as he says, “Buck doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore, anyway. And even if he did, he... he deserves better than me.”

“Nobody could do better than you.” Shannon disagrees. “But if you really feel that way, why don’t you do what it takes to become the person you think he deserves?”

Eddie’s gut reaction to that is no. He can’t do that. He isn’t brave enough to do that. But... God, he wants Buck. He wants to be with Buck so bad it hurts. And he wants so badly to be the kind of person Buck deserves.

So, maybe for Buck he can be brave. Just this once. If anyone’s worth the risk, it’s the boy with the brightest, bluest eyes Eddie’s ever seen and a smile like pure sunshine.

“Turn around. I have to catch another flight.”