Work Text:
"But if would be a different story if you were playing against Wataya-kun. He's going to be a Meijin!"
"That makes you the Queen, Ayase-san."
Chihayafuru, episode 1 (crunchyroll translation).
*
The memory of him and Chihaya wanting the Karuta Meijin/Queen title when they were kids hit Arata hard as he watched Chihaya take her last card from Shinobu making her win the fifth match.
Making her the Queen.
Making him lose the Meijin match.
Chihaya was surrounded by many people congratulating her while his mom, Kuriyama-sensei, and Murao-kun tried their best to come up with words to console him. Arata could hear their voices. He even noticed how his dad was looking sadder that he expected him to be.
He could hear their voices but he could only look at Chihaya.
Didn't we make this dream together? Why did I lose? His hands were numb. In front of him, Suo-san stood up and tapped his shoulder.
Why did I lose?
With feet that felt like lead and heart beating so fast, he approached Chihaya and her group.
"Chihaya…" those big, bright eyes looked up to him. Chihaya—from the moment he met her, was very easy to read. He could see it. See the pride and joy that she was feeling. But she wasn't smiling as widely as he thought she should be.
"Arata…"
Does she feel pity over me? "I—," Arata tried to speak but his throat was so dry. "Chihaya, congratulations. I just wanted to say that. I need to go now since everyone is waiting for me but I'm so happy for you. You deserve it. You are a Queen."
My queen.
"Arata…" He loved the way Chihaya says his name but he knew that if he stayed, he would break down in front of her. In front of all the people that he also knew. He waved once and walked away. He looked over her shoulder and saw Chihaya being led out by her parents along with the group of people who supported her. He saw Taichi beside her. Arata hurried away, wanting to get away from everyone's expectations. Wanting to get away from that sight.
He got to the shrine's steps when he heard Taichi calling him. "Arata," Taichi called. Arata didn’t face him. Couldn’t face him. "Taichi," he said, with his back facing him. "Thank you for bringing me here. Take care of Chihaya." He tried to walk off but was stopped by Taichi.
"You're not giving up, right? You're not running away again, right? I've never known you to be a coward. You could do it. Nobody else could have done it. You pushed Suo-san to 5-matches. You won fair and square in the beginning. You pushed him to using his voice literally and to realise that he still wanted to be the Meijin. That in itself is something to be proud of. You can't give up."
"I don't know if I can still fight. Not right now when I can't be at Chihaya's side. I wanted to be by her side. I wanted to be someone she deserved," Arata said quietly. Slowly. Trying to hold the tears that's about to tear his heart out.
"You know that she doesn't care about all that, you idiot!" Taichi shouted. Arata could feel the deep judgment from Taichi. Arata ran away. Ran away even as he heard Taichi call his name over and over. Even without saying goodbye to Chihaya. Even without seeing her for the last time. Besides, she had Taichi. He didn’t have a place in her life anymore.
It's just like when I lost Grampa.
*
It's been a week since the Meijin/Queen tournament. Over the past week, Arata received so many messages— of encouragement, of lament, of continuing support. But the person who filled his inbox (and heart) the most was Chihaya.
She had called him 50 times over the week and sent so many messages. She kept saying that if it wasn't for the entrance exams, she would have come here, in Fukui, in his house to talk to him. His mind and heart kept wondering what she would say.
But she never came. And he never answered back.
*
The day came for Arata to go to Tokyo. He said goodbye to his parents, his karuta society, karuta school club, and neighbors. Lastly, he said goodbye to his grandfather. Arata wonderered one more time why he went ahead with his decision to still study in Tokyo even though he hadn't seen nor talked to Chihaya for months. She was consistent, tried her hardest to know if he still continued his plans to study in Tokyo but he never answered her.
2 years went by of non-stop juggle between university life and work. Arata had gotten used to it but it was still incredibly taxing. It took all his time and he never had any time for others things.
How did Suo-san did it while being the strongest karuta player in the world? I can't even join any tournament because of how busy I am. I wonder how Chihaya and Taichi are doing?
Chihaya's messages had stopped coming but she was still the current Queen. Her and Shinobu have had so many rematches now but unsurprisingly, Chihaya always won.
I wonder if she's with Taichi now. She probably is. She doesn't message me anymore anyway.
After school, he went to work as way to support himself and to unburden his parents. He was the one who insisted on coming to Tokyo anyway.
I never even bothered to know where Chihaya ended up in university. I'm such a coward. But I want to play karuta with Chihaya again, Arata wished to the stars.
Perhaps, the karuta god was listening to him. Or just perhaps, his longing was so strong because when he came out of work very late that night, he saw a familiar girl looking up at the stars.
"Chihaya?" Arata said, surprised that her name came out of his mouth.
It felt like a dream. Except it wasn't. Arata didn't want it to be anyway. "Chihaya?" he said one more time so he can get back to reality. Chihaya was more beautiful than the last time he saw her. There was a maturity there that was probably influenced by being the Queen (and also being in university). She had been going heights for her dream anyway. Her and Shinobu successfully became professional karuta players and their rivalry attracted big audiences. It even encouraged a bigger rivalry between the daddy bear and snowmaru characters. Arata never bothered knowing who the current Meijin was but he always watched Chihaya's matches.
Chihaya still hadn't said anything but she looked like she was trying her best not to cry. Arata slowly walked towards her. "Chihaya…I—um…how did you find me?"
"You never messaged me back," Chihaya said quietly, not looking at him.
Am I dreaming? Is the cheerful, bright Chihaya sound angry and sad? Did I do this to her, Arata thought. "Chihaya, I'm sorry. I was stuck in so many things." Arata was disgusted at the way he was making vague excuses. How can he face this girl, this woman that he had loved since he was a kid? How could he make excuses to this girl who never stopped fighting for her own dream?
"You didn't even tell me where you were here in Tokyo. You've been in Tokyo for two years! You've been near me all this time and yet you haven't seen nor messaged me," Chihaya finally bursted in tears.
Arata's heart was hammering inside his chest since he saw Chihaya but now he felt like his heart will come out of his body. To think that she went all this way just to express her disappointment in him? How could he ever face himself? How could he even try to chase up his dream again? The dream they had together when he ashamedly behaved this way.
"Arata," Chihaya is now facing him. Her big, bright eyes filled with tears. "Do you still want to be the Meijin?"
His heart stopped but there was only one answer. "Yes. Of course. Yes."
"Then why aren't you in Omi Jingu?"
"Because I don't deserve it. And I don't deserve wanting or even dreaming of standing up there with you."
"Who said that? Who gave that idea to you?"
"You are the Queen. You deserved someone who could support you all the way. You deserved someone strong like Taichi. More than me."
Arata saw Chihaya's expression grew even worse. Drowning in his insecurity, he couldn't help himself and asked, "Where is Taichi, anyway?" trying to make his voice stable.
"Taichi this, Taichi that," Chihaya snapped. "I'm here for you. I'm the one standing in front of you. Do you see anyone with me? I came here for you!" She was fully crying now, her face red in anger and frustration. "Listen to me, Arata," Chihaya came near him, fully facing him, just inches away from his face. "I'm here for you. I looked for you for so long. I couldn't do it after the Queen match and I was carried away with what the title brought and what Shinobu and I's desire to build good credibility to become professional karuta players. But Arata, I was waiting for you. In every tournament, in the qualifiers, I was waiting for you. I've always waited for you."
Arata felt his heart come back to his chest. Wait for me? Chihaya always waited to for me? "You…always waited for me?"
"I thought that I told you that I wanted to be Queen and then will tell you my answer. Why do you always make me wait for you?"
Arata fell silent. A million thoughts ran through his head. A million excuses.
Because…I thought you didn't need me. Because I thought I had no place in your life. Because I thought Taichi could take better care of you.
Arata saw how wrong he was about everything. Chihaya knew she was alone in climbing the Mt. Fuji of being Queen. But never once did she waver from wanting that victory. She did it for herself. And she did everything to win that day. And she did it knowing that he was walking parallel to her.
"It was always you," Chihaya quietly said. "It was always because of you. It was you that I always longed for. It was always you."
"Chihaya…"
"Let me finish, you idiot! You never gave me the chance to speak after the match. You ran away so fast and disappeared for so long. How could you assume that I didn't love you back? That I would abandon you when you lost the Meijin match? I became stronger because I always wanted to receive your passion. Loving you and karuta was the only thing I know will never change."
Upon hearing those words, Arata couldn't hold back and pulled Chihaya closer to him, giving her a kiss he wanted so long to have with her. It felt natural to him that he was kissing this girl, this woman whose heart was always connected to him.
How could he have thought differently?
*
ARATA: My girlfriend is a karuta freak and the current Karuta Queen. We play almost every day and have romantic breaks in between. She's helping me become the next Meijin.
*
CHIHAYA: My husband is a karuta freak and now had just won his 5th consecutive title to become an eternal Meijin.