Archive of Our Own ^beta

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**Jax hadn't planned this. Nope, no sir. But when Zooble and their stupid idea of making him put on that stupid maid dress, during that stupid adventure, and Caine messing with his stupid mind to make him push away Pomni, then to press the stupid button?!... he couldn't stop it. The adventure had just ended, and he went off to his room where he promptly curled up on his bed.**

**His room was girly. Too girly for his liking. It felt like a constant reminder of who he used to be. Why did his room have to be like this? Why did he have to get stuck in girly colors? He WASN'T A GIRL! He wanted to shake Caine until his teeth fell out. He wanted to claw his overalls off. He wanted to...**

*Jax shudders, burying down his thoughts.*

**He turns his mind back to how the LAST thing he wanted to be reminded of today was his past. First Ribbit, then the maid dress, then that stupid "Escape the Circus!**Jax hadn't planned this. Nope, no sir. But he couldn't stop it. The mix of thoughts swirled in his head, making him dizzy. He felt like he was going to throw up. Obviously men don't do that either. Right? Men don't show weakness... Right? Jax turns over a photo, back in those happy days. Holding mugs of cocoa, starting snowball fights. Ahh, those good ol days of mischief. Those days when no one thought he was too girly. Just him Kaufmo, Ribbit, and...**

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

**He didn't want to get up. His whole body felt tired, he was still pressing down the bile from earlier. Why today? Why let the mask slip around Pomni? And for that matter-!**

*KNOCK KNOCK*

**Who had even noticed he was missing? He was so careful to slip away. No one had noticed him... Well that's clearly a lie, since now someone was knocking on his door!**

*KNOCK*

**Maybe they'll leave him alone? If he stays perfectly still....**

*?????*: "I know you're in there Jax. Can't hide from me!"

**Dammit.**

**It was Cathy. She had joined the circus a day after him. After Slinky abstraced, and, despite his best and continuous efforts, she refused to let herself be pushed away from him. God how annoying. She was this tall white bipedal cat, with orange splotches on her on her right ear, above her right eye, and some more orange splattered throughout. She has this annoying yellow bell on a red collar around her neck. And she wears a small blue dress. Caine really wasn't original now that he thought about it..**

*Cathy*: "I swear to Caine if you don't open your damn door I'm breaking it down, you BETTER be alive in there!"

**Dammitttttt... All he wanted was some peace and quiet. Why'd SHE'D have to notice. It's not like he liked her or anything, he had only played the occasional prank with her! She could be so insufferable with her are you okay's...**

*Cathy*: "Alright, I'm coming in!"

**Cathy practically bursts open the door, and Jax sits upright quickly putting on his signature smirk, acting like he wasn't falling apart a few seconds ago.**

*Jax*: "Jeez! Give a guy some warning before you blow his door off the hinges!"

*Cathy*: "As you clearly don't recall Bunny Boy, I did, and YOU didn't respond!"

*Jax*: "Bunny Boy? Seriously?"

*Cathy*: "What, you rather have me call you Rabbit Man?"

**Jax thinks for a moment, Rabbit Man? Bunny Boy was annoying, but at least he didn't sound like a really buff Rabbid! Where did she even COME UP with these names?**

*Jax*: "...I think I'll stick to Bunny Boy"

*Cathy*: "That's what I thought." **She smiles slightly before her face mellows out into something like... Pity? No. Worry? No, she didn't have the right to make that face. Not to someone like me. I'm the person who least deserves it. Pff not like I need it or anything.**

**They sit in silence for a moment, what was she thinking? He wish that he could get inside her head and find out what happened behind those eyes. Why didn't she left him distance himself? Why did she keep caring for him? Why? He hasn't done anything to deserve this.**

**She finally breaks the awkward silence with what he wanted to hear the least.**

*Cathy*: "You know that if anything's bothering you, you can talk to me, right?"

**Shit.**

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**Ugh why did people have to care about him? He pushed people away for a REASON! No one should care about him, besides, they'd be better off without him. I mean he knows for sure that Zoobie would be happy if he abstracted, hell, probably everyone would be... Probably Cathy too. It's not like he exactly returns the kindness. So why did she care? She'd be happier without him! Why, why, why? He'd pushed her away, she came back. He literally pushed her into an active volcano on an adventure! Obviously he couldn't be trusted. Obviously he didn't care. Was she dumb? She shouldn't keep coming back. She shouldn't still be trying. And here she was doing it anyways. And then she says this.**

*Cathy*: "You can talk to me you know."

**What should he say? He obviously doesn't want to tell her. Telling anyone makes him vulnerable. And vulnerable is not something Jax necessarily does. He should cover up, make a lie, not sit in silence. Nothing is wrong! Nothing!**

*Jax*: "What is this, a therapy session? Please. I don't need to talk about feelings and all that mushy stuff. I'm fine."

**Nailed it.**

*Cathy*: "Oh c'mon. You've been acting off all day dude."

**Dammit. That was a short lived victory... What does he say now? He needs another lie, stat.**

*Jax*: "Off? Nah, nah. Just a bit tired, that's all."

**He's fine. Stop worrying about him! Take a hint!**

*Cathy*: "Since when does the Lord of Pranks get tired?"

**Oh... Well that's a fair point...**

*Jax* "Even the king of pranks needs a power nap sometimes!"

**Yep. Nailed it. Banter to lead away from the main subject.*

*Cathy*: "Pff alright alright! But seriously, you've been acting off today. You're hiding something from me."

**Uh oh. Why wasn't his usual tricks working on her? This was bad. He felt a lump in his throat. He swallowed hard. The air felt colder. It burned to breathe. This was usual. But he can't have anyone know that.**

*Jax*: "Me? Hiding something? **He says dramatically** Pff never"

**Okay he might've flubbed that one a little... But surely that'll lead to some banter, maybe some distraction.**

*Cathy*: "Uh huh... You do realize that I can see right through that?"

**Well obviously that didn't work. Why the hell was she so hard to shake off? He felt naked. His mask was his protection, his distraction, his coping. Without it... He's just as trapped as the rest of them. He groans. Cathy could sound like such a therapist sometimes.**

*Jax*: "Ugh. Yeah yeah, why do you read people so well?"

*Cathy*: "Call it a special talent"

**Cathy walks closer to him and places a paw on his shoulder
He tenses up. His heart rate quickens. It was supposed to be a reassuring gesture, but it seemed to just stress him out. Maybe because he didn't like physical touch. Cathy quickly lets go once noticing this, and his shoulders relax again. Almost forcibly so. He slipped up. Again. The last time this happened was with Ribbit, then she... Nope. Do not think about her. Don't do it. Now was not the time. Not the place.**

**Could Jax tell her? How would he? How does he get out of this? No one could know, right? What should he do... He feels the familiar warmth in his cheeks, and the sting of tears behind his eyes. No, no, no. Don't cry. Stop it. Snap out of it. He quickly rubs his eyes. Cathy catches it.**

*Cathy*: "You alright?"

**N- yes. Yes he was. He's always fine. He's smiling. See? He's fine **

*Jax*: "Like I told you toots, I'm just tired."

*Cathy*: "If you say so... But please tell me what's going on."

**Man was she persistent. This is stupid. Why couldn't she just leave him alone? The tears well up again. No. Stop it. Not the time.**

**A single tear runs down his cheek. Not good. Stop it. Oh boy was this bad. If Cathy caught that, he was toast. His mask he spent so many years in the circus making, gone. He doesn't want to be vulnerable. Not in the slightest.**

*Cathy*: "Hey, talk to me. What's wrong"

**Anddd... The floodgates are open.**

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**Why did our brains have to work like this? He didn't want to cry. He didn't want to show vulnerability. He didn't want any of this. He was the funny one. Not the one who broke down. He was the one who made cruel jokes. Not the one who sat in tears because someone asked him if he was alright. He was the one who caused others pain. Not the one who needed comfort. And more importantly why did SHE care about him? Why did SHE keep trying? He never did anything to deserve this. Yet here they were. Sitting in a dark room painted bright pink. The tea table in the corner. The chairs that would've been dusty if dust existed here. The chairs that used to be for his friends. The pictures turned around by his bed. The pictures he never turned over. The pictures he never took down. Even though they caused him pain. And now, he's sitting here. Cathy at the foot of his bed. Cathy comforting him. Cathy there in that same dark room painted pink. Cathy there seeing past his mask.**

**God he looked stupid.**

*Cathy:* "Hey. What's going on? Talk to me."

**Talk to someone? The last time he did that... God he couldn't remember the last time someone offered to let him talk. Why did she stay? Why did she offer? He could tell her... But what would she do with that information? Would she tell everyone else? Would she blackmail him, would she-**

*Cathy*: "Please. Talk to me. I just want to know what's going on."

**The tears kept flowing, he rubbed his eyes with his arm**

*Jax*: "It's just... Nevermind it's stupid"

**I mean what else could he say? That he was trans? Why would he say that? That would would be stupid. That'd make him vulnerable. He doesn't do vulnerable. But he wants to tell someone... But then someone would know... But then he couldn't talk to anyone... But....**

*Cathy*: "Don't you nevermind me- I just want to help. Let me help. Please."

**Uh oh... This was bad. He needs to find a way out of this. Maybe if he could STOP CRYING that might help ... Ugh he HATED this. He hated how he was crying. He hated how he looked. He hated how his brain works. He HATED it so much! He could tell her.... She'd understand right? No what was he thinking... But the way she stayed there so he could take his time. The way she stayed. ARGHHHHHH!! Why did his brain have to be like this? Why did HE have to be like this? Why did SHE have to be like this? Why??**

*Jax*: "...You won't laugh? Or... Make fun of me?"

**He sounded so WEAK... He sounded childish, but he was worried...**

*Cathy*: "Of course not!"

**Her persistence was frustratingly annoying... Like she wanted to help... But before his brain new what was happening his mouth was already moving.**

*Jax*: "OkayI'mtrans-!"

**Uhoh... Oh no no no...**

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**No, no no... This can't be happening. His mouth moved, his brain sent the signal. No no no! He felt dizzy, nauseous, and he felt like he was gonna abstract on the spot. What would she do? Why did he say that? STUPID STUPID STUPID! Oh God he was gonna be sick. He can't breathe. Now someone had that information to do whatever they wanted to with it.**

**Cathy is quiet for a moment**

*Cathy*: "Ok.... Ok. Thank you for telling me."

**...What...? Cathy takes his hand in her paws. I guess Caine got the fur correct. They were soft. He didn't pull away this time.**

*Cathy*: "Can I... Hug you?"

**Hug? It's been so long since he's had a hug. How long? He didn't know. He nods slightly, embarrassed. And Cathy pulls him in and loops her arms around him in a soft hug.**

*Jax*: "I've just been feeling awful lately..."

**He sounded so small, like a kid telling their parents they had a nightmare. HE HATED THIS. He HATED THIS. He HATED this. He.... He gently rests his face on her shoulder, crying still. He was too tired to function right now.**

*Cathy*: "It's alright. I've got you."

**She felt warm. The air felt cold. He felt tired. God he was stupid. He shifted over on the bed and patted the place next to him. Cathy sits down next to him. Were cats naturally warm? Maybe that's why he felt so cozy next to her. He rest his head on her shoulder again. His tears slowly stopped. He was too tired for tears. How much had that adventure taken out of him? I mean the nearly abstracting beforehand probably didn't help that much, but he'd never tell anyone that. He couldn't tell anyone that. It was bad enough Cathy knew he was trans already.**

*Jax*: "Please... Don't tell anyone."

**He hated how timid he sounded. But then again all this 'feeling' stuff was pretty new to him... Maybe being vulnerable sometimes wasn't too bad. Of course he's never going to willingly admit that. Unless Caine messed with his mind again. Was this whole dysphoria wave caused by Caine? What part of this interaction was real? He should push her away. Nobody cares about him! She shouldn't either! He panicked slightly, but Cathy just stayed. Holding him gently. Acting as a furnace for him. Man she WAS warm, how did she ever survive any of the sunny adventures? That could wait. Right now he was tired.**

**And with that, he drifted off into a dreamless sleep.**

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**At least that's what he'd like to say. He can't remember the last time he had a peaceful dream. He never got to have peaceful dreams. Not even before the circus. This is why he hated sleep.**

**This time he was back in the real world, in his house, in his room. All of the mirrors were covered or shattered. He didn't look at himself if he didn't have to. He stood there, watching his former self sob in the corner. Broken glass shards around him. Oh God this was an awful memory. He wanted to reach out, to tell himself that he'd be alright... But he knew that's a lie. He wasn't fine. He was far from that in fact. He was still broken, still struggling. He gets tugged away from this memory, and falls through the floor into a new memory.**

**This time it was him at his parents house in the human world. Not this memory... He remembers it all too clearly. This was the day he told his parents he was trans. It resulted in a yelling match with his dad.**

*Dad*: "YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER. YOU ARE A WOMAN, YOU ARE NOT A MAN!"

*Past Jax*: "BUT I AM!"

*Dad*: "YOU'LL NEVER BE A MAN!"

**Ouch. That fight lived in his head for years. He remembered the pain that he felt for years afterwards. After that fight his parents told him through a text "Don't talk to us again until you come to your senses." So he blocked them. It was a hard choice, but it gradually started helping. He felt like he was tugged by a rope, and fell again.**

**He was in Ribbit's room. Instead of a bed she had a hammock. Her room had grassy floors and pictures hung of their trio. Why was he here? He heard footsteps behind him, it was Ribbit and Kaufmo. Ribbit outstretched her hand.**

*Ribbit?*: "Come join us..."

**It'd be better if he joined them right? Nobody would miss him. Maybe he wouldn't even get a funeral. No one would mourn his loss. Maybe that's for the better. No one would abstract over him. He reached out for her hand, and embraces Ribbit.**

*Jax*: "I miss you..."

*Ribbit?*: "I know."

**He felt a glitch run through him, like he had been electrocuted. Abstraction could be peaceful. He felt at peace. He'd rejoin his friends. He wouldn't feel pain. No one would cry over him. He could just be in peace. Forever... He laxed his shoulders, and it felt like he fell backwards into water.**

**Was it water? Air? He couldn't tell. It felt like he was sinking. He couldn't breathe. He knew he was abstracting. That was okay. He could abstract. He closed his eyes, until he heard a voice.**

*?????*: "Jax! Jax wake up!"

**And just like that it felt like a rope tugged him up and out of the water/air, and he jolted up with a startle. He felt his body for a second, patting his face and chest to make sure he was still there. So he didn't abstract.**

*Cathy*: "You're okay! Thank goodness."

**Had she stayed there? Wait, she was in his room? He started to remember what had happened, and blinked a few times. She had stayed even after Jax fell asleep on her. He felt heat rise in his cheeks from embarrassment.**

*Jax*: "Of course I am kitty, why wouldn't I be?"

*Cathy*: "I've been trying to wake you up for a few minutes now, you weren't responding, so I got worried."

**Of course she has been. That's just great.**

*Jax*: "Guess I'm a heavy sleeper then."

**Not lying, but not exactly telling the truth either. It'd work. Cathy opened her mouth to say something, before there was a knock on the door**

*Jax*: "What do you want?"

**He called over to the door. It was Ragatha. She opened the door slightly, seeing Cathy sitting on his bed with him standing up**

*Ragatha*: "Uh... Am I interrupting something?"

*Jax*: "Wha- no? Why you here?"

*Ragatha*: "It's almost dinner time, and you two have been in there for a while."

**Oh. That's good. Dinner.**

*Cathy*: "We'll be there in a minute."

*Ragatha*: "Uh... Alright."

**And so she closed the door. Leaving the two of them in the dark again. Cathy stands up.**

*Cathy*: "Shall we?"

*Jax*: "Sure."

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**Dinner could be amazing and funny, perfect time for pranking people. Or it could be awful and he just wanted to go back in his room. Today was more of a second option day. Oh well, at least it he could go back to bed afterwards. He puts on his signature grin again, acting as if Cathy had definitely not seen him break down. Definitely not. He exits his room following Cathy.**

*Jax*: "You better not tell anyone what happened..."

**He tried to make it sound like a threat, but it sounded more like a little kid telling their parents what to do.**

*Cathy*: "My lips are sealed."

**They kept walking down the hall in silence, they caught up to Zooble in the hallway, Zooble raised an eyebrow at them**

*Zooble*: "You two took your sweet time, what were you doing in there?"

**Crap uhh... He needed a lie, again. This was going to be difficult... How would he like about it? Truth would take too long to explain anyways.**

*Cathy*: "We were planning an epic prank. Who knows? Maybe it's for you!"

**Oh thank goodness. Cathy didn't tell Zooble. Maybe she would keep her word? He certainly hoped so... They keep walking, Zooble narrowed their eyes at them in annoyance, possibly from what Cathy said, possibly anticipation for a prank, maybe catching onto them. Any way, as long as people didn't know about er... That side of him, he'd be alright.**

**They finally neared the table, and Zooble went to sit down next to Gangle, Cathy leans over to him and whispers**

*Cathy*: "They're so gay."

**Which definitely caught him off guard, he stifles a laugh, I mean she was right. They definitely were more than friends. It's weird, usually he laughs forcibly, but around her was different somehow... He leans over to her and whispers back:**

*Jax*: "But you're so right for that."

*Cathy*: "I know~"

**They say down next to each other, and Caine poofs into existence, which was rather awkward for everyone after that last adventure.**

*Caine*: "Hello my little multicolored marshmallows! Today we have-"

*Zooble*: "The same **BLOINK** as every night?"

**Zoobie had a point there. Not like he'd admit it to their face. It got quite boring with the usual 3d blender chicken, peas, and mashed potatoes. But, complaints never were registered in his system for very long.**

*Caine*: "Now, well... Yes."

**Caine rubbed the back of his... Head? Jaw? Whatever. He seemed sheepish.**

*Cathy*: "You know, I think changing up the menu might help sometimes."

*Caine*: "Well um..."

**Ugh this happened all the time. We'd complain about the food, he'd glitch, and nothing would change. Every. Single. Time. He took a bite anyways, before he watched an object wizz by, hit Caine, and explode into glitter and confetti**

*Jax*: "What the..."

**It was a glitter bomb.**

**It came from next to him.**

**Cathy threw it. She looked so innocent looking. She took a bite of her food. He watched her fork raise up to her mouth.**

*Caine*: "Wha- WHO THREW THAT?!"

**Jax and Cathy shrugged innocently.**

*Jax*: "Not me."

**For once he was telling the truth. The rest of the table looked suspicious but shook their heads or shrugged. Zooble in particular was narrowing their eyes at them, but Jax and Cathy remained looking all innocent... Cathy being all innocent and cute... He realized he was staring so he looked away, she didn't seem to notice. Or maybe she was pretending. Either way it didn't really matter. Though Gangle definitely noticed... Even with her comedy mask broken she found joy in making ship art. He sighed resigning himself to his fate.**

**After dinner he heads back to his room, and Cathy follows him. He reached his room before turning to look at her.**

*Jax*: "Can I help you?"

*Cathy*: "Are you going to be okay?"

**It felt like he was shot through the chest with that one sentence. Was he?**

*Cathy*: "...I can stay with you if you?"

**Would he be alright? He should tell her that she doesn't need to worry about him. And yet... She had already saw past the mask once... It was tempting... She was so warm...**

*Jax*: "...Yeah."

**He lets her into his room and layed on the bed, Cathy closed the door behind her and layed next to him, God she was soft... And warm... He fell asleep again with her next to him.**

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**He wakes up in the morning, his eyesight is fuzzy for a second, he can't remember where he was. He blinks a few times, clearing his vision. Oh. He was still in the circus. Great. He wished he'd wake up someday and it was all a dream. But, he could never be so lucky. No matter how much he wished for it. He tried to remember his dreams last night, he couldn't. Probably the usual mix of nightmares and memories. He felt warm for some reason, like he was next to a furnace. Why was he so warm? There wasn't any heating in the circus? He looked over, and there was Cathy. When did she get in here?! Then he remembered about how last night she had offered to stay and he said YES. Why did he say yes? Oh he was never gonna live this down. But then again, he felt so warm and cozy in her arms, like he was floating. He never realized how cold the circus was until now. Maybe it was because he was a rabbit? Or was it something else? He has to shake the fuzzy feeling out of his mind. God she looked cute. He half expected her to start purring at any moment, with how peaceful she looked. He sat up on the bed, looked at the clock, and realized he should push her out of the room before someone got up. Zooble would probably tease him about it, Gangle would draw ship art (she probably already was after last night), Ragatha would probably get awkward about it and be all like "Oh, uhm... Good for you?", Pomni would probably have the same reaction. Kinger? He didn't actually know how Kinger would react, probably would say something about an insect collection before getting confused again and running back into his pillow fort. He sits in thought before realizing Cathy was starting to stir right next to him. He quickly got up and put his signature smirk on, even if he felt like it wasn't a full smirk today. He needed to get her out of here before the others noticed.**

*Jax*: "Took your sweet time getting up, huh?"

**Cathy sits up for a second, looking as dazed as he'd been, before standing up. What was she thinking? Did she realize it was a mistake to keep pushing her luck? Well he doesn't really think she could with him, even if he tried. He'd never tell her that. Cathy yawns. And stretched before standing up.**

*Cathy*: "You good?"

*Jax*: "I'm peachy!"

**And for once, it was the truth.**

*Jax*: "Alright, you need to get outta here before the others wake up, kitty."

*Cathy*: "Alright alright, don't want Gangle getting more ideas."

**Cathy walks over to the door and opens it, before pausing and turning back.**

*Cathy*: "Want some cocoa?"

**Cathy was offering to get him some cocoa? I mean, sweet someone else gets to do the work to grab it and all, but it was a sweet gesture. Nuh uh he's never telling her that.**

*Jax*: "Sure."

*Cathy*: "Aight, I'll be back."

**She exits the room, leaving the door cracked behind her. He sits back down on the bed. All of this was so weird for him. Why did she care? It's not like Jax hadn't tried to push her away. The door opens up with a knock, revealing Zooble instead of Cathy. Well shit. This wasn't good. What did they want?**

*Zooble*: "Getting cozy with Cathy I see?"

*Jax*: "Wha- no it's nothing like that!"

*Zooble*: "Mhm."

**This time the door opens to reveal Cathy with two mugs of cocoa in her paws.**

*Cathy*: "Oh hey Zooble, want some cocoa?"

*Zooble*: "I'll pass, thanks."

**Zooble glanced at them once more before taking their leave, Cathy just sips cocoa from her mug. They sit in silence as they finish their cocoa. Eventually they get up and head down the hall for breakfast, and sit at the table. Again, next to each other. It felt almost like routine now. Zooble didn't bring up earlier that morning. Good. Cathy didn't bring up last night or this morning. Also good. He was most certainly counting his blessings while he could. After breakfast they gathered around the stage for the announcement of their next adventure.**

*Caine*: "Today we are doing something much more fun I can promise you!"

*Zooble*: "Yeah right."

*Caine*: "Kinger will get to stay back for this adventure, speaking as how it will be partner based! In this adventure I will be splitting you up into teams of two! Then those teams of two will all be split into separate adventures custom catered to each and every one of you! Zooble, you will be with Gangle, Ragatha you will be with Pomni, and Jax and Cathy will be together!"

*Pomni*: "Uh... What?"

*Caine*: "Zippy! In you go!""

**Before Jax, or really anyone, could protest more, they were sucked into their adventures. Jax and Cathy were tossed into a blank white room, with a big screen in the middle. What type of adventure was this?**

**The screen flashed to life: "Welcome to Truth AND Dare! This screen will pop up with a prompt every so often, and you MUST complete whatever is on there in a timely manner, or else the box will shrink! Good luck!"**

*Jax*: "What the hell?"

*Cathy*: "Don't ask me."

**She shrugged. Where the hell WERE they, and what type of adventure was this anyways? When did Caine come up with this? WHY did he come up with this? This seemed different from his usual adventures. What was that pair of dentures thinking? The screen flashed to life again with the words "You cannot say no for an hour."**

*Jax*: "So we can't say-"

*Cathy*: "Don't say it ALREADY!"

**He paused. She had a point. The timer has just started. Still, what type of adventure was this? It was far from Caine's usual adventures. Usually they involved chaos and lots of confusion, though it wasn't lacking confusion so far he supposed. Both him and Cathy were quiet for a moment**

*Cathy*: "...I snuck some glitter bombs in, wanna throw em with me?"

*Jax*: "Hell yeah!"

**Cathy pulls out the glitterbombs from under her collar, how had he not noticed them? He took one from her and chucked it at the wall.**

*Jax*: "That was pretty epic by the way."

**Cathy throws a glitter bomb.**

*Cathy*: "What was?"

*Jax*: "You throwing that glitter bomb at Caine last night."

*Cathy*: "Me? Throw a glitter bomb at Caine? I would neverrr..."

**She was being sarcastic, yet again. Not shocking but it was a nice change of pace to be paired with someone who shared his sense of humor, Cathy tossed a glitterbomb at him, OH SH- it explodes on him**

*Jax*: "Really? Now I'm all glittery!"

**She laughs. It sounded melodic to him.**

*Cathy*: "Now you can shine bright like a diamond!"

*Jax*: "However I am NOT beautiful like diamonds in the sky."

**He remarked looking down at himself being covered in glitter.**

*Cathy*: "Awe but you are!"

**Jax says dryly:**

*Jax*: "Thanks. Means a lot after you threw a bomb at me."

*Cathy*: "You're welcome!"

**The screen flashed again, timer is 20 minutes in right now. Another prompt pops up. "Dance together to any song, as long as it is ballroom/partner dancing."**

*Jax*: "The hell?"

**But the way Cathy seemed to light up about this momentarily made him forget his confusion as he looked at her, he realized he was staring, and looked away.**

*Jax*: "You a fan of dancing or something?"

*Cathy*: "Heck yeah. I used to swing danced before the circus."

**Swing dance? Jax could barely run without tripping over his own to feet, let alone dance.**

*Jax*: "Swing dance? Never took you for the type to dance."

*Cathy*: "Find something new about each other everyday apparently."

**She stares at the blinking white box, it looks like a search bar. What was she thinking? And they still couldn't say no until the timer ended so obviously they had to do this adventure. What was Caine up to?**

*Jax*: "Whatcha thinking?"

*Cathy*: "That Caine is watching us."

*Jax*: "Oh definitely. I meant as in song wise, I'd rather not be crushed in here..."

*Cathy*: "I presume you don't dance?"

*Jax*: "Hell no."

*Cathy*: "Oh well..."

**He wonders what she's thinking still. She didn't answer him, and he could see her type something into the bar before a song starts playing**

*Cathy*: "Caine wants a show? Let's give him a show."

**Before Jax could ask, she took his hands and she moved his feet, helping him move to the song, he kept tripping up, and he could feel the heat rising in his cheeks, this was so embarrassing. They danced to the music, he was definitely blushing now. God he wanted to bury himself in a hole, after this he's thinking of taking a trip to the cellar...**

*Cathy*: "Hey you're catching on fast!"

**...was she complimenting him?**

*Jax*: "Uh... Thanks?"

**Cathy just smiles, it felt so weird not being the one controlling everything right now. It felt nice though, swaying to the music with her, it was awkward, and their faces were awfully close, but it felt nice. Even if he was blushing, this was nice. Eventually the music stops and he paused for a moment, then sitting in silence.**

*Jax*: "...What was that?"

*Cathy*: "What was what?"

*Jax*: "You know, you- taking me- dancing-?"

**Gods he sounded stupid.**

*Cathy*: "You certainly wouldn't have been the one leading it either way."

**He supposed she was right and shut up. They stood in comfortable silence for a moment before the screen flashed again "Great job on completing your task! Your next task is to reveal to eachother something you haven't told anyone!"**

*Jax*: "What."

*Cathy*: "Since I started last time, it's your turn to start!"

*Jax*: "Dang it. Well um..."

**Cathy stays quiet, waiting for him to tell her.**

*Jax*: "I... Ilikecuddling-"

**The immediate blush was definitely a tell he was embarrassed. Cathy just stand there for a second.**

*Cathy*: "Hell yeah."

*Jax*: "What."

*Cathy*: "You heard what I said. But what should I say... Hm... Oh! I used to give my dad pretend haircuts when I was younger."

**He stops blushing for a second and laughs a little, his smirk returning.**

*Jax*: "Pff- really?"

*Cathy*: "Yeah. Still not as embarrassing as liking cuddles lol."

**The screen flashed, "Now you two will swap clothes until the last task is complete!" And before they could react Cathy was in Jax's overalls, and Jax had been magically been changed into Cathy's blue dress.**

*Jax*: "THE HELL IS WITH DRESSES ON ME DURING ADVENTURES?!"

**Cathy is holding back a snicker.**

*Cathy*: "I dunno, you look so pretty though."

*Jax*: "OH COME ON!"

*Cathy*: "Hey, I don't make the rules!"

**Jax stands there blushing, standing in the dress, seriously? Right after the maid dress?**

*Cathy*: "Actually these overalls are super comfortable compared to my dress..."

*Jax*: "I can tell, how the hell do you breathe in this thing?"

*Cathy*: "Lots of practice."

**The screen flashed again before Jax opens his mouth, man it really liked interrupting him. "One more task for the both of you!"**

*Cathy*: "Finally..."

*Jax*: "So after this I can change back?"

**The screen flashed again: "Your last task is to kiss!"**

*Jax*: "What."

**He'd almost rather stay in the dress then do that...**

*Cathy*: "I agree, what."

*Jax*: "So... Uh what should we do?"

*Cathy*: "Kiss?"

*Jax*: "I mean I know it says that-"

**Cathy pull him in, and kisses him. Jax is still blushing furiously as he pulls back.**

*Jax*: "What the hell was that-"

*Cathy*: "Faster it was over with, faster we can leave."

*Jax*: "Uh I suppose so? Can I change back now?"

**The screen flashes: "You have now completed the adventure!" And they were magicked into their usual outfits again, before being teleported out of the room back into the lobby, where no one else was there yet.**

*Jax*: "We are never talking about that again."

*Cathy*: "Are you sure?"

**Jax stares at Cathy.**

*Cathy*: "I'm joking, I'll keep it under wraps."

*Jax*: "Good."

**And with that, they sat on the couches and waited for the others to arrive.**

Chapter Text

**She was still out on the couches with Jax, they had been chatting about the adventure, she wondered why he had been keeping it a secret that he was trans. She gets it though, the panic that someone would know and be able to use that information, I mean, she certainly wasn't a stranger to weaponized information, or blackmail. But obviously she was the only one who knew that. She heard the others get teleported back from their adventure and quickly realized Jax and her were definitely standing too close, and definitely would make the others suspicious. She quickly moved away just enough, trying not to seem like they hadn't just had the most embarrassing adventure ever. She just hoped Caine wouldn't blackmail them... Eh who was she kidding, she had dirt on the stuff Caine and Moon did, so she could blackmail right back. They had been nearly shoulder touching before she moved over on the couch, but now they were arms length. They saw Gangle and Zooble walk into view, Gangle's comedy mask broken, surprisingly not by Jax this time.**

*Cathy*: "Ay welcome back!"

**Happy.**

*Jax*: "What type of torture were YOU put through?"

**It felt almost forced for Jax, and I mean, it was for her too. But she needs to stay positive too, to not make anyone suspect anything.**

*Zooble*: "Caine has us go through a maze, which led us to a karaoke room with Moon as a judge..."

*Cathy*: "Oh yikes."

**Moon was no easy grader when it came to singing. And karaoke? That was almost worse than their adventure. I mean teaching Jax how to swing dance… yikes.**

*Jax*: "What'd she rate you?"

**Gotta keep the conversation light hearted and distracted though!*”

*Gangle*: "4/10..."

**Not a surprise to her, Gangle didn't have the best singing voice...**

*Cathy*: "Well she must be lying, you have a beautiful singing voice."

**Kind.**

*Gangle*: "T-Thank you..."

**Jax almost raises a (non-existent) eyebrow at her but says nothing. Interesting. Usually he has some type of snarky comback… They hear the others being teleported back. Kinger had his own separate adventure, hopefully better than whatever the hell their adventure had been. Ragatha and Pomni looked thoroughly soaked, not in the good way, and Pomni was picking seaweed off of her jester hat.**

*Cathy*: "Heh, you get eaten by a kraken or something?"

**Funny.**

*Ragatha*: "That almost might've been better than what we actually went through..."

*Cathy*: "Oh yikes…”

**She always did cycle between happy, kind, and funny. Yet no one seemed to notice, so she supposes that might be a blessing in disguise. After all, she could see through everyone, yet no one could see through her. It was rather odd to her. She couldn't let herself get lost in thought now though, she snapped her thoughts back to the moment hoping no one noticed.**

*Cathy*: "Sounds awful."

**Kind.**

*Pomni*: "It was!"

*Zooble*: "Hey, you two haven't told us about what your adventure was yet."

**Uh oh... They definitely needed to make up a lie this time. She glanced at Jax, Jax shot her a look like "What do we say?" So, she made up a lie on the spot.**

*Cathy*: "We had to do this like parkour to avoid missiles, it was really complicated."

**I mean, that's what she was doing in this exact moment so not the truth, but not a lie in reality.**

*Pomni*: "Yikes, that sounds worse than ours..."

*Jax*: "Eh it was nothing!"

**Jax had finally spoken up, that was good. Not just leaving it up to her to carry the conversation... Ugh she just wanted to lie down. She was always comforting Ragatha, or Gangle, hell, now Jax. No one comforts her, but then again, did she want that type of attention? ...Whatever, she could lie down later.**

*Cathy*: "We only got blown up a whole TWO TIMES!"

**Funny. Again. But hey, it works... Right?**

*Ragatha*: "Oh ouch!"

**Ragatha used to see her as a child. Ugh it was so annoying. I mean until they had to go comfort Ragatha so that she wouldn't abstract. The last thing any of them needed was for Ragatha to abstract. Although no one would... No she won't go down that rabbit hole now.**

*Jax*: "Meh, y'all are wimps to pain!"

**...Jax?**

*Cathy*: "Psh yep!"

**Oh God did she give herself away? Why'd she say that? Continue the lie? Though no one ever notices whenever they say anything that might allude to, she doesn't know, human emotions? She gets snapped out of her thoughts again when Kinger finally notices Gangle sitting next to him and screaming. Thanks Kinger.**

*Kinger*: "Sorry I didn't see you there Gangle!"

**Gangle sniffs.**

*Gangle*: "I-It's ok Kinger..."

**Cathy stands up, almost abruptly, but trying to stay casual.**

*Cathy*: "Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm gonna go take a nap, see you!"

**Before anyone objects she walks towards her room, not really caring about what they thought. She needed time to clear her head before dealing with anything else. Once she was inside her room, she sat on her cat bed. She looked around her room, she had all these cat toys, and even a cat tree in the corner. I mean Cathy loved cats while a human, but never enough to be one. There was a table with some paper, tape, scissors... She picked up the scissors. The metal felt cool. If only they could get hurt. Well, they could, but not for very long. She pressed the metal to her arm-**

**DING DONG**

**Really? Now? Couldn't it wait? She stashed the scissors back where she found them, and got up. She forced a smile up, her fake smile looked more real than her real smile. She walked up to the door and opened it, it was Jax.**

*Cathy*: "Uh... Sup?"

**Looking at him just reminded her of the adventure. God how on earth did she pull THAT off? She honestly thought Jax would definitely be more of a top than her, but alas, she was left to make HIM the flustered one. Though she had to admit it, it was cute seeing him flustered. She remembered the feeling of pulling him in, pressing lips... She shakes herself out of her thoughts.**

*Jax*: "Uh, you good?"

*Cathy*: "Just peachy! Now if I could get back to my nap-?"

*Jax*: "Just... I don't know. Something felt off..."

*Cathy*: "Since when are YOU worried? I'm just fine Jax. I just needed some actual rest."

**Oh yikes that came out much harsher then she intended.**

**He seemed stunned for a moment. Almost like he was contemplating what she had said. Funny, no one ever did that. Either they'd immediately shut her down, tell her she was reading too much into the situation, or glare at her angrily. He was doing none of the above. Interesting.**

*Jax*: "I- uh- yeah... Yeah no I don't. Just uh go get some sleep."

**Thank the Moon, he wasn't gonna push. He seemed… patient? Most likely flustered still.**

*Cathy*: "Aight, thank you. You get some sleep too."

**She then promptly shut the door, let her face fall, and massaged her cheeks. She went back to her bed and sat down again. Cathy glanced at the scissors again. Great. Now she wasn't in the mood. Thanks Jax. So instead, she curled up in a ball and prayed no one else would come knocking. She started thinking aloud, quiet enough that outside people couldn't hear.**

*Cathy*: "I wonder how Ribbit and Kaufmo are doing..."

**Heh, Ribbit used to ship them! If only she could see them now... Ribbit would probably convince Kaufmo to set up traps to give her more shipping material, almost like Caine's doing now.**

*Cathy*: "What if that's where Caine got the idea from?"

**She missed them. They didn't want to abstract. And after Cathy found out Caine could technically control their minds...**

*Cathy*: "Is that why they abstracted? Is everything I'm feeling right now fake?"

**Were they ever truly her friends?**

**Was Caine controlling them to make them her friends?**

*Cathy*: "Was it their choice?"

**All the feelings crashed down on her all at the same time. She felt like her lungs were collapsing in on themselves. Why had Jax checked on her either? Was Caine controlling him? Was Caine controlling HER? Right now? Why couldn't she calm down?**

**It starts slow. Some tears. Maybe some hyperventilation. But before you know it, you start glitching.**

**And glitching.**

**She wondered if this is how Ribbit felt.**

**Glitching.**

**Would she abstract?**

**Gasping for air.**

**Maybe she'd get to see them again?**

**Why were there so many damn mirrors?**

**Were they mocking her?**

**Too bad.**

**I never thought she'd be next.**

**Kinger, no offense but I thought you'd be next.**

**The words that everyone would say at her funeral.**

**Oh well, time for another adventure!**

**Pomni barely knew her.**

**The room seemed to glitch before her eyes, colors swirling and blending together. She grasped around to find anything to calm her down, and grabbed her pillow, before biting down and trying to steady her breath. Abstraction could be peaceful… People say you only die twice. The first time is your death, and the last is the last time someone remembers you. But from experience, they hold the funeral, then try to bury your memory. Out of sight, out of mind. She didn't want to die- not truly.**

*Cathy*: “What if by abstracting, I cause someone else to?”

**That would be bad. She starts looking around the room, where did the mirrors go?**

*Cathy*: “Oh.”

**She has hallucinated them. She hated having them, it made her unable to trust her memories. If only abstraction was something quick, but unfortunately for her, it's a process. So she'll fight the process; until Jax abstracts at least.**

**Cathy stands up, slightly wobbly, unsure. She opens a drawer, with a single key inside of it. She pulls out the key. Just like Jax, she had her own secrets. She wobbles slightly, catching herself on the table. She opens her door and peers out, no one is around. She heads towards Jax's door, and unlocks it. She pauses because he's in there.**

**What's he holding?**

**Are those-**

*Cathy*: “Jax?”

*Jax*: “*Bloink* Cathy, why are you here?”

**She felt lightheaded still. She didn't really know why she went to his room. But why was he holding scissors?**

*Cathy*: “Jax… Why are you holding scissors…?”

**Jax looked like a deer in the headlights.**

*Jax*: “I uh…”

*Cathy*: “Don't cut yourself-”

**She blurted that out without realizing it, *Splat*. That wasn't good. He seemed scared, and oddly… curious? No. More confused on how she knew what he was doing.**

*Jax*: “How did you know that's what I was going to do…?”

**Uh oh she needs a lie stat.**

*Cathy*: “Uh… lucky guess?”

**He didn't seem quite convinced, but he left it alone for now.**

*Jax*: “How did you get in?”

*Cathy*: “You're not the only one who has keys everywhere!”

*Jax*: “...There's more?”

*Cathy*: “Uh… yeah.”

*Jax*: “Why are you here?”

*Cathy*: “I uh… uhm…”

**What could she say? She just wanted comfort honestly…**

**Jax stands up, was he gonna kick her out?**

**This was a mistake wasn't it?**

**He reached out towards her…**

**And pulled her into a hug.**

**She's stunned for a moment, but she hugs him back. She felt tears prick at her eyes. How did he know? God he was more emotional than he let on. If only she knew this side sooner!**

*Jax*: “Uh… it's… ok?”

**Then again he wasn't the best at feelings…**

*Cathy*: “Thank you.”

**She closed her eyes and melted into the embrace, maybe she wouldn't abstract today.**