Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

They knew each other long enough that skin ship wasn't strange for them. There is a time where the only comfort you can get comes from the people you can't help but spend most of the day with. When it comes to that, it becomes a little easier to accept a nudge, a hug, a pat on the back or a squeeze of a hand.

He's so used to it and yet, this is different.

What had started as a friendly late night of anime marathons and reruns of football matches they couldn't catch because of the time difference, had somehow ended with Taehyun resting his head on Soobin's lap, the older tapping his fingers lightly against his forehead, as if playing a drum.

Instead of being annoyed,

Taehyun felt his body relax bit by bit, closing his eyes, listening to Soobin's soft hums and the excited voice of a commentator coming from the TV.

After a while, the fingers on his forehead started tickling him. He raised his hand blindly, trying to push Soobin's hand away. "Hey, knock it off," he laughed with his eyes closed.

Soobin giggled and evaded his hand to keep touching his face, now purposefully tickling his eyebrows, cheeks and even his neck and ears.

Taehyung yelled and squirmed around, opening his eyes to catch Soobin's hands and stop the attack.

The older one did an awful job of pretending to look innocent. "Sorry, sorry, I'll stop."

Taehyun laughed in disbelief and let his arms cover his face, his hands relaxing, waiting for Soobin to pull his hands away.

What happened instead was Soobin let his hands relax as well, the weight of them making them rest over Taehyun's own. He thought nothing of it at first, until the second he realized his bandmate had really soft hands. His fingers twitched, feeling the soft skin unconsciously.

He felt Soobin's hands move slightly, but he didn’t say anything. He only spread his fingers and let Taehyun explore openly.

In a spell of sleepiness and relaxation, Taehyung traced his fingers along Soobin's, then he moved to the back of his hand, his knuckles — even his knuckles were soft — and then the palm of his hand, where his fingers eventually ended up intertwined with Soobin's.

There was no logical explanation for this. If anyone were to walk in and see them like that, they'd never hear the end of it. They weren't stressed, they weren't sad. The fact that he enjoyed holding Soobin's hand started a huge knot in Taehyun's stomach.

Soobin must have felt his body tense because he squeezed his hand and started rubbing soft circles on the back of his hand.

The knot in his stomach slowly unfurled to give place to what felt like a hundred butterflies or a very angry moth. He drew in a shaky sigh and started to caress Soobin's hand openly as well.

When they fell asleep in those positions and woke up still holding hands, tired and with back pain, they didn’t talk about it. And neither knew what to make of that.

Chapter Text

Taehyun is listening to a podcast on low volume when he hears footsteps approaching him. Soobin's disarrayed hair and tired eyes greet him.

"You can't sleep either?"

Soobin shakes his head. "It’s the opposite. I've been sleeping and waking up all night. I've slept for hours but I'm still tired."

Soobin sits next to him on one of the stools and leans his head on his shoulder. This is the first unusual contact they make ever since that night they haven't talked about yet. His head on his shoulder brings great warmth to Taehyun's body, and he does everything he can to stop the impulse of resting his own head on Soobin's. There is no way of explaining that one.

"Why are you so tense?" Soobin mumbles sleepily. His voice rumbles softly, some of it resonating within Taehyun himself.

"I'm not tense," he corrects.

"Nervous?"

Taehyun looks ahead and contemplates his options. "Maybe scared, and a bit nervous."

"Why?"

"I've been struggling to make sense of what I'm thinking and feeling." There's no hesitation in his voice. Taehyun knew after that night that his mind wouldn't be able to just forget and let go.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Soobin's voice gets more and more dragged as he almost falls asleep sitting in the dangerously wobbly stool. Taehyun feels the stool move slightly and, without thinking, wraps his arm around Soobin to stabilize him.

His chest jumps with a sensation he can't ignore. "Maybe when you're not so sleepy," he offers with a small laugh. "Now you need to go to bed, hyung."

Soobin hums and —finally— rights himself up, stretching his arms above his head with a big yawn. Taehyun's one-armed hug feels useless now, so he eventually pulls away.

In a moment that he cannot explain, Soobin turns at him, eyes hooded, glassy with sleep but still surprisingly analytical. Then, in the fraction of a second, his gaze softens and he smiles widely at him.

"Can you stay with me for a while? I feel like I'm going to be back out here in ten minutes if I'm left alone."

It sounds like a lame excuse, but Taehyun doesn’t say it out loud. That has never been an issue before, but he doesn’t want to confront Soobin or question his motives. His smile alone is enough to trust whatever he has in mind.

"Sure, hyung."

They walk to Soobin's bedroom and the older one moves some stuff off the bed to give some room to Taehyun. They lie side by side, staring at the ceiling, trying to find some sleep. Soobin jostles around and his hand bumps into his own, receiving a soft apology right afterwards.

Then it's Taehyun who moves to lay on his side and lets his fingers graze Soobin's wrist for a fleeting second.

By the next adjustment, they are facing each other and their arms are touching, as well as their knees, but they don't move again. They don’t speak because that'd be too close. They don’t say good night because that'd feel dangerously intimate in their setting.

It is only when the fight against their eyelids is mostly lost that Taehyun can't handle the warmth building up inside and very deliberately brushes his fingers over Soobin's in a silent 'good night' as he lets sleep take him away from seeing Soobin's reaction for now.

Chapter Text

Looking back on it, Soobin cannot tell when he fell for Taehyun, but he remembers what could be the day he realized it.

It's the early evening and all of them are sprawled around the living room, watching a variety show. Taehyun, Yeonjun and Beomgyu got to sit on the couch while Kai and him sat on the floor, leaning their backs against the couch

Everything should be laughs and fun, except that Soobin can't help but feel that every touch, be it accidental or not, from Taehyun, stands out from any other physical touch.

He laughs as Yeonjun ruffles his hair and Kai dares to slap his arm but goes strangely quiet and tingly when Taehyun rests a hand on his shoulder or slightly grazes his hand when he passes him the remote.

He loses track of what's happening in the show, his body becoming hyper aware of how close Taehyun is to him. If he were to look up, turn around or reach back with his hand...

"I'm going for snacks," he calls out, standing up quickly and moving to the kitchen. "Do you want any?"

After a couple of affirmative replies, Soobin disappears into the kitchen, opening drawers, looking for whatever chip or candy they might have.

"Want some help with that, hyung?"

Soobin jumps in place and drops the few bags he'd collected, turning his head to stare at Taehyun. Why did it have to be him?

"No, it's okay, I've got it."

Taehyun laughs, crouching to pick up the bags. "The bags on the floor say otherwise, hyung. Come on, you can bring sodas, I'll take these."

Taehyun turns around to leave when Soobin stops him. "Taehyun, wait!"

"What is it?"

Soobin takes a moment to observe Taehyun. He is wearing nothing special, a loose t-shirt over loose gray pants, his hair is messy and brown, the simplest it's ever been. He hasn't said or done anything particularly appealing.

Then why can't his heart stop racing? Why does he keep getting flutters in his stomach?

Noting that he's been silent for too long, Soobin can just stammer out whatever comes to mind first. "I forgot to say thank you?"

Taehyun keeps smiling, though his eyes betray his confusion. "Are you asking me or you're telling me, hyung?"

"Telling! I'm telling you. Thank you, that is. I'm telling you thank you."

The awkward phrase is taken gracefully and Taehyun only tilts his head but his face brightens. "Anytime, hyung."

As Taehyun leaves and the cold cans of soda cool off Soobin's sweaty palms, he thinks Taehyun's smile might be the prettiest smile he's ever seen, then it clicks.

Oh.

Chapter Text

The night it happens, Taehyun asks him to come along as he runs some errands. Some details don't add up; their fridge is full, it's too late for some stores to be open, and most importantly, they usually just order in to avoid the hassle of being recognized outside.

But there's something different in Taehyun today, so Soobin accepts. They wear thick jackets for the cold and run to get inside Taehyun's car, buckling up soon after.

"It's freezing!" Soobin laughs as he blows warm air to his hands, rubbing them together.

"Let me turn on the heat." Taehyun reaches over to adjust the heat and soon it gets comfortably warm, and Soobin lets his body relax against the passenger seat as Taehyun drives. The path is smooth and Taehyun is a good driver, he could almost fall asleep right then and there.

"Don't you struggle driving at night?" He starts making conversation, turning to look at Taehyun's profile, the city lights making his face look right out of a photoshoot. He can see him smile as he answers.

"My sight isn't as messed up as yours yet, hyung," Taehyun points out. "Besides, I like driving at night, it calms me down."

Soobin hums. "I can see the appeal." He looks outside the window. They're going through a tunnel leading to the outskirts of town. "Where are we going, exactly?"

"Just around," Taehyun replies, looking at the road. "I thought we could talk now."

A flutter settles right in Soobin's gut. "Talk about what?"

"The other night, remember what you asked me?"

Of course he does. His mind had been plagued with theory upon theory of what thoughts or feelings could make Kang Taehyung struggle, of all people.

"I'm sorry I was falling asleep," he says sheepishly. "I really wanted to hear you out."

Taehyun smiles ahead. "Don't worry, hyung. I like it when you're sleepy. It's cute."

More flutters. "Is it?"

Taehyung only hums.

They keep moving beyond the city and into the highway. Taehyung doesn't speak and neither does he. The flutter in his stomach has moved up to his heart because he knows, he has to know. There is nothing else that would need to be spoken like this, and definitely nothing that would need them to leave their place to begin with.

Silently, Taehyun pulls over safely at a side of the road, turning the engine off. Soobin can feel the energy in the car telling him Taehyung is about to talk. His treacherous mouth decides to jump the gun and beat him to it.

"Do you like me?"

Taehyun freezes, his mouth half open as he turns to look at him. "I-"

"Because I do," he continues, the fluttering coming out as nervous, thrilled words. "Like you, I mean. Like that. I think."

"You think?" Taehyung exhales in something that sounds like a laugh and a sigh of disbelief.

"Well, I don't have any experience to base it on, you know?" He retorts softly. He has no idea what he's doing or where he's going. "But if this is how it feels... yeah, I'm pretty sure that's it."

Taehyun looks at him, his previously stoic expression softening as he listens on. "What does it feel like?"

Soobin clears his throat, his bravado dimming by the second. "Nerves," he croaks out. "And sometimes intense, like I can't focus on anything else except for this."

Taehyun covers his mouth as he sighs, pressing his lips to hide his expression. Soobin tries to guess what it means but comes up blank. Wordlessly, Taehyun puts his hand palm up over his knee. Soobin looks at it curiously before moving his eyes up at Taehyun's face. He looks away almost immediately when he notices Taehyun is already looking at him.

He keeps looking at Soobin's face, then slowly down to his hand until Soobin gets the hint. It feels unusual to purposefully touch Taehyun like this, but the second their hands touch he feels it again.

"I think I feel it too."

Taehyun's voice sounds calm but Soobin notes how he seems unnaturally still, and how the palm of his hand, now pressed against his own, feels cold and the slightest bit sweaty, small spasms almost feeling like tiny tremors. His heart completely melts.

"Is this what you've been struggling with?" He speaks as he looks at their joined hands, moving his fingers to squeeze the hand he's holding, trying to appease him.

Taehyun squeezes his hand firmly. "I've been struggling with what to do or say about it," he answers. "I think I knew what I felt from the first moment I felt it."

"Which is...?" Soobin drifts off, needing a confirmation, to really feel he isn't alone in this and hasn't misunderstood the situation.

 With a short but huge smile, Taehyung laughs and finally says, "I'm pretty sure I like you too, hyung."

Soobin laughs, his voice cracking as the flutters leave his body, leaving place to a floating sensation. "Are you serious?"

"I'm never speaking to you again," Taehyun's face goes red, and the hand Soobin is holding grows warmer, so he knows he doesn't mean it.

"You don't have to be embarrassed," Soobin laughs, this time softer. "It's just the two of us here."

A laugh finally escapes Taehyun as he looks at their still joined hands. "I'm not embarrassed," he corrects. "I'm just happy.”

Chapter Text

"Are we ever going to kiss?"

Soobin has to hold back a laugh when Taehyung chokes on nothing at his question. They're sitting side by side on Taehyun's bed, their hands intertwined and playing with their phones.

Taehyun widens his eyes and looks at him. "What brought this on, hyung?"

Now it's Soobin's turn to cough in surprise. "I mean," he says, moving their joined hands. "We're totally pros at this already, right?"

Certainly, for people as used to physical contact as them, the hand holds and cuddles dating-edition weren't hard to get used to. Sure, Soobin feels like he's about to drop from a rollercoaster every time they touch, but within itself, it was nothing new.

"Are you saying you want to kiss?"

"No, no!" But he does, so he adds, "I mean, do you even want to? We haven’t talked about... any of this, really."

Taehyun squeezes his hand. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I mean, is this for real? What are we supposed to do now? What can we do now?" Taehyun turns to look at him talking. "I really have no idea and I'd love to know because I want us to be on the same page and..."

He notices Taehyun getting closer but doesn’t stop talking until he raises their joined hands to kiss the back of Soobin's hand. The chatter stops, as well as all the questions.

"I don’t know it all," he says. "I just know it is real for me, and I feel it's real for you too. Is it okay if we figure out the rest as we go?"

Soobin nods wordlessly, his universe shifting as he processes the feeling of Taehyun 's lips on his hand.

Taehyun smiles. "Then ask for what you want, hyung."

Soobin reaches out to touch Taehyun's cheek. "Can we kiss now?"

The younger nods and scoots closer. He has to stretch his neck and raise his head as Soobin is frozen in place with expectation.

Their lips finally press together with the carefulness of someone that doesn’t know a lot about kissing men —doesn’t know a lot about kissing at all— and Soobin finally closes his eyes and lets his body relax.

There is another press of lips, then another, and another, both of them exploring how each other's lips feel, neither brave enough to do anything else. Taehyun's hands go to rest on his shoulders as the kisses start lasting longer, their breaths deep and almost silent in the bedroom. Soobin's hands slowly slide from Taehyun's arms to his back, inadvertently falling to the narrow of his waist.

The kisses end as they catch their breath but Soobin pulls Taehyun towards himself, wrapping his body in a tight hug that is soon reciprocated as Taehyung hangs onto his neck. They can feel their hearts pumping fast and their bodies taking as much air as they can.

Soobin's face is burning but he still hides it in Taehyun's shoulder.  "Good?"

Taehyun hums in affirmation. "More than good." Like a dam that's been opened, Taehyun kisses the side of his face repeatedly until Soobin can't stop laughing.

Chapter Text

It's going to be a tiring day. He woke up at four in the morning to prepare for their schedule. On top of that, he was on duty of waking everyone else up because of course they didn't think staying up late would bring any consequences... again.

He stops at every door and knocks loudly, yelling that it's time to get up, only receiving weak groans in response. When he arrives at Soobin's door, he looks around to make sure no one has actually gotten up and swiftly enters the room, closing the door behind him.

It feels both like a huge breach of privacy and nothing out of the ordinary; they've seen each other in a myriad of circumstances, seeing each other sleep is no big deal. But somehow, knowing they've kissed and are currently... something other than friends, makes it different.

Taehyun gets closer to the bed and puts one knee on the mattress to lean over Soobin. "Hey," he whispers, reaching over to touch Soobin's head. "It's time to wake up."

Soobin sighs and leans into the touch. "Five more minutes," he grumbles without opening his eyes.

He smiles and caresses his hair. "We don't have five minutes, hyung. Come on."

He rests both knees on the bed to hold Soobin's shoulders, trying to pull him up, when Soobin grabs his forearms and rolls to his side, easily pulling Taehyun with him. He ends up with his torso on the bed, his legs draped over Soobin's hip.

Surprised and half shocked at how easily he was manhandled, he laughs and tries to convince Soobin to get up when the older one starts nuzzling his neck. "That tickles," he mutters behind a soft giggle.

Soobin hums, the vibration of his voice reaching his own body. "We can have five minutes." His lips brush Taehyun's neck as he speaks, which seems in no way intentional but makes his heart race nonetheless.

Deciding this battle is lost, Taehyun wraps his arms around Soobin's neck and lets him nuzzle away. "Alright," he whispers. "We can have five minutes.”

Chapter Text

Soobin never thought he would be in one of these meetings, yet here he is. The fact said meeting is happening because of him is something he is still processing.

Their manager starts opening a friendly conversation about intense feelings, passion and hormones, and he wants to die.

The photoshoot is about to start. After a couple of hours of people fixing this and that on his hair and face, Soobin is relaxing looking at his phone, waiting to be called to the set.

It's Taehyun's fault, really. Or maybe their fashion manager, he doesn't know. All he knows is Taehyun's chest is showing from the opening of his black shirt, and that five minutes in bed were nowhere near enough to get through the day.

So, Soobin does what any sane, wanting person would do. He stands up and gives a very pointed look at Taehyun as he speaks. "I'm going to walk for a bit," he announces to no one in particular. "I'll see you guys at the set."

After some distracted nods, he leaves the room, walking a dozen steps before finding a door that leads to an empty room. He gets inside, feeling a little foolish, and waits as he watches from the door he left ajar.

Thankfully sharing the same brain cell, a couple of minutes later he can spot Taehyun walking slowly, purposelessly, watching his surroundings as if looking for something. When their eyes meet, he rushes to the door and whispers, "What's going on, hyung?"

Soobin barely makes sure there's no people behind Taehyun before pulling him by the lapels of his shirt and into the room, closing and locking the door.

Taehyun smiles widely at him, showing some confusion but not letting it damper the moment. "Hey."

"Hi." Soobin looks down at him, suddenly nervous. Taehyun seems to see right through him because he leans on the closed door and his smile turns mischievous. "Why are we here, hyung?”

"I-I don't..." Soobin stammers. "You look nice," he compliments weakly.

"Oh," Taehyun pulls him closer by the arms until their chests are almost touching. He places a hand firmly on his shoulder. "You also look very nice."

Soobin flushes. "Thank you."

They look at each other, both silent and expecting until Taehyun moves, surprising him. He gets his other hand on Soobin's neck and pulls him down to kiss him.

Even if it was exactly what he was thinking of, Soobin spends five precious seconds overthinking every detail of the situation. Is he doing it well? Did he mess up by not taking initiative? Where should he place his hands? It'd be rude to just leave them hanging, right?

Taehyun seems to notice his mind is elsewhere and stops kissing him to hold his head and look into his eyes. "We can stop and go back if you want, hyung," he offers softly. He looks so supportive and understanding, Soobin knows he could end this moment without being judged or questioned.

It gives him the encouragement he was missing. He moves one of his hands to rest over the span of Taehyun's uncovered chest. He feels the heart underneath beating fast, and the cold skin quickly warming under his fingers. His other hand cups Taehyun's face as he starts kissing him back.

It's exhilarating, how he forgets about his day, about the world waiting outside as they kiss. How the part of him that felt like an eager pervert for wanting so much now feels wanted as well. How Taehyun's smaller frame clings to him, tugging on his hair and his collar. How the kisses move from his lips down to his neck when Soobin needs to catch his breath.

He thinks he could get used to it. He would sneak anywhere at any time just so he'd never forget how kissing Taehyun feels like.

He feels his neck tingle and his hands move on their own to rest on Taehyun's head; not pulling him in further nor pushing him away, just anchoring himself to the only feeling he can focus on.

They finally pull apart as two things occur simultaneously. A group of people walk right outside, laughter and chatter breaking and interrupting the sound of their short breaths and then, Taehyun's mouth nipping at his neck, perhaps as a reaction, maybe on purpose, but it leads to the most embarrassing moment of Soobin's life.

He whimpers. Clear as day.

Like a stone disrupting a river, they pull apart. Taehyun seeks his eyes but Soobin can't bear to look at him just yet. He can feel his face burning, all of his body feels hot in a way that shouldn't be allowed during work hours.

"Look at me, hyung."

It takes a moment, but when he finally looks, he bursts out laughing. Taehyun's hair is messed up, his lips look redder and he is showing way more skin than earlier, his shirt probably disarrayed by Soobin's own hands. "You look like a mess."

"So do you." Soobin can't see himself, but they start helping each other with their appearances, flattening hair, straightening shirts and jackets, getting rid of the slightest tint of lip gloss that was left behind on Soobin's neck.

Once they're done, Soobin pulls Taehyun towards himself in one last hug, calming their racing pulses. "Thank you for coming along," he says with a smile. "It was new."

"Mhmm," Taehyun breathes in Soobin's cologne. "New and reckless," he notes. "Do you think someone's going to know?"

As Soobin takes out his phone to inspect their appearances on his camera app, he shakes his head. "Nah, I don't think so."

And here they are, the five of them, being lectured about making good decisions and not letting oneself be guided only by bodily needs. He doesn't know what their manager knows, or what he saw, but there's no way this isn't about either of them. He feels embarrassed but shoulders on, strangely proud of what he did.

He looks over at Taehyun, rolling his eyes the moment they share a look. Taehyun smiles back for a moment, then they turn to the manager once more.

Chapter Text

Taehyun taps his fingers on the clothed table, his eyes looking warily around the restaurant. The lights are a cozy yellow hue and no one is looking his way. He made sure not to choose somewhere too romance-coded, so that if they were seen it wouldn't be weird. But he did make sure it was the fanciest place he could gather.

He only hopes Soobin likes it.

As if summoned by his thoughts, he spots Soobin walking his way. Taehyun can only admire his figure as he walks, the elegant black dress pants and shoes, a soft-looking blue sweater. His hair is somewhat styled, framing his face in a way that has Taehyun unable to stop looking.

"Hi," Soobin greets him with a smile, looking around the place. "Wow, this is nice."

Taehyun smiles back. "It is, right? I hope the food is good."

"Even if it sucks, I wouldn't complain," he replies.

Taehyun warms all over. "Because of the company?"

Soobin hums his assent, grabbing his menu, trying - and failing - to hide his smile there.

Feeling endeared, Taehyun calls him out. "You're not fooling anyone, hyung." He grabs his own menu and lets Soobin off the hook for now.

They remain civil as a waiter arrives to take their orders. Whether he recognizes them or not, he doesn't make mention of it. Once he goes, Taehyun feels something prodding at his feet. He gently nudges back, making Soobin snicker.

"Are you really trying to play footsie under the table?" he asks, keeping his feet still as Soobin reaches him with his own.

Soobin is the perfect image of mischief, his lips pursed in a tiny smile as he keeps moving. "I saw it once in a movie."

Taehyun laughs and raises his brow with exaggerated confusion. "What kind of movies are you watching lately?"

"I watched a really good one the other day," Soobin starts, his eyes glinting with something Taehyun can't tell. "The main character was going on their first date, and the love interest was so handsome, he could've been an idol.”

Catching on, he follows up. "He sounds like a real catch. Did the date go well? In the movie?"

Soobin shakes his head. "I don’t remember; I think I'll have to watch it again."

"I'm sure they had a good date," Taehyun says, hiding a smile. "They sound like they make a nice couple."

With his cheeks red and looking somewhere else, Soobin replies "I know, they do.”

They eat and make small talk all the while. Their feet remain touching under the table even after Soobin stops trying to nudge Taehyun's feet.

Soobin has a bit of an out of body experience, trying to picture what he must look like, on his first day with his bandmate turned crush turned love interest?

He never thought he would find himself in this situation.

Once they finish eating, Taehyun pays their bill, something which makes Soobin blush for whatever reason, and they head outside, heads covered, walking leisurely down the street.

"This was really nice," Soobin says with a smile. "It feels odd to be asked out, I feel like I should be the one paying."

"Nonsense," Taehyun waves him off. "You deserve to be spoiled too. And the date hasn't ended, by the way."

Soobin perks up. "Really? Where are we going?"

"As of right now? My car.”

Taehyun drives them to a secluded spot near the outskirts of Seoul. He turns off the engine, leaving them and the car only lit by the dim moonlight from above. The black car at the side of the road makes them almost invisible.

Soobin looks impressed, making him preen on the inside. He exits the car and goes around it to open Soobin's door, offering a hand to help him come out.

"What's up?" Taehyun teases as he notices Soobin's slight blush and the awful attempt at stopping a smile.

"This is new," Soobin replies, only now reaching to accept his hand. "Usually only managers or bodyguards help us come out of cars and they don't hold hands like this."

Taehyun knows exactly what he means. Even through all the smooth gentleman image he is trying to portray, he can't say he ever saw himself being a gentleman to his date. To Choi Soobin, no less.

"Not in a bad, weird way, right?" Taehyun gently pulls on Soobin's hand to finally get him to step out of the car, closing the door behind him.

"No, nothing bad or weird."

Their joined hands remain between them as the moment ends. Taehyun basks in the feeling of not having to let go of his hand.

At the lack of a bench, grass on the ground, or the bed of a pickup truck - Taehyun really is considering they'd make good use of one of those -, they walk hand in hand to the front of the car, half sitting on the hood.

Their hands remain intertwined, keeping each other warm despite the cold from the car's metal.

There is a soft silence around, where they exist for a moment while they find something to say. Taehyun turns to stare at Soobin's profile, and even his shoulder looks so inviting.

"I've been wondering..." Soobin starts, not looking at him, but making him feel like he was caught looking. "Why do you switch between calling me hyung or skipping it entirely?"

Taehyun feels warm, and he keeps his mouth shut as he processes the small wave of embarrassment — and dare he say shyness? — coursing through his body.

"I sometimes forget," he finally admits. "The more I feel, the more it feels less and less important to focus on how I address you... but I can make sure to add it if it bothers you."

"No, not at all!" Soobin rushes to correct him. "I like it; I have no problem with it. I was thinking... I have no special way of calling you."

Taehyun softens and gives in to his earlier thoughts, scooting closer to rest his head on Soobin's shoulder, closing his eyes, taking a deep breath to take in the scent of his cologne.

"You don't need to have a special or different way of calling me. I can hear it plain as day when you talk to me."

Soobin rests his head on top of his for a moment and sighs, both tangled in the moment.

"Should I start calling you baby, then?"

"Ah!" Taehyun springs up and away from Soobin in surprise. "Where did that even come from? I mean, I shouldn't need to reply, right? You're free to call people however you want!"

Still propped on the hood, Soobin is bending over with incontrollable burst of laughter. "Sorry, but you should've seen your face!" Soobin says among tears of laughter.

Taehyun walks up to him as he stops laughing. "Maybe you should save it for a special time. That's all I can say."

Soobin opens his arms, letting Taehyun walk into them, wrapping him in a soft hug. "I'll keep it in mind."

They remain like that until a row of cars pass by at high speeds, scaring them apart at the noise of angry engines revving up. Taehyun looks at the road, then at Soobin.

"Would you be terribly opposed to getting back into the car?"

Soobin looks confused. "Why?"

This time the filter is nowhere to be found.

"Because I really want us to kiss right now.”

Soobin opens and closes his mouth a couple of times. Taehyun enjoys seeing him at a loss of words. Clearly he can't find any because he just stands up and tugs on Taehyun's hand to get them to the backseat door. Taehyun laughs giddily and enters first, turning around in time to see Soobin hit his head on the frame of the door, making them both hiss.

"Are you okay, hyung?" He reaches out to keep Soobin's head down as he gets inside, avoiding any further hits. He starts rubbing his head, seeking for any raised bumps. "Are you in pain?"

Soobin closes the door but keeps flinching at the touches on his head. "It still hurts, maybe you should kiss it better."

Taehyun stops rubbing and focuses on Soobin's face. "Are you joking right now?"

"I'm extremely serious."

He sighs, gently pulling Soobin's head towards him. "Come here then." Soobin bends his head further, letting Taehyun hold him still to softly kiss the warm spot where he hit his head. Soobin sighs and rests his head on Taehyun's shoulder. "Feel better?"

"Lots better," Soobin hugs him by the waist and Taehyun lets himself be pushed back to half rest on the door, Soobin's big frame half on top of him. He sinks in the moment until Soobin himself remembers. "You were saying something about kissing?"

"I don’t know, you hit your head pretty hard."

Soobin lifts his head and nudges Taehyun's cheek. "Come on, I promise I'm really, really okay now."

Taehyun looks at his eyes. "If you want a kiss, you'll have to come and take it."

Being the competitive man he is, Soobin takes the bait and closes the space between them, slotting their lips together with a barely there sigh.

Taehyun feels Soobin's hands guarding his head and waist, probably making sure he doesn’t hit any part of the car awkwardly. Taehyun keeps his hands on Soobin's head, not pushing or pulling, just holding two handfuls of hair carefully between his fingers.

They kiss without urgency, the kind of kiss Taehyun is sure will give him flutters every time they do it again.

And they do. Kiss over and over, until their lips look a reddish pink hue.

When the urge to kiss subsides, they remain cuddling in the backseat. Taehyun has his legs stretched while Soobin's are as extended as can be considering the space. Nevertheless, both look happy and their eyes admit they hold a secret only they know.

His hands never left Soobin's hair, still caressing the soft strands absentmindedly.

Taehyun's phone starts digging in his pocket so he takes it out, sighing at the hour. "It's getting late; we should get back soon."

Soobin doesn't move and his weight feels heavier over Taehyun as he pretends to be asleep.

"Hey, come on, I don't want to leave either, but the others will be worried if we take any longer."

A tired groan comes from Soobin. "I wish we could stay like this."

"Me too," Taehyun sighs. "If we can have any repeat of this we can't make anyone worry, you know?"

Finally, they separate, Soobin righting himself on the seat. "I know, but I don’t like it."

Taehyun laughs to soften the mood. "Neither of us like it, come on."

The air that hits Taehyun's face as he exits the car feels like a wakeup call. He's suddenly too aware of the road, the cars far away, of his own car that became a safe haven for them if only for —what felt like— a short moment.

They sit in the driver and passenger seats respectively, both silent as Taehyun starts the engine, gathering his bearings before moving.

"I really liked our date," Soobin whispers with a smile. "This was my favorite part."

Taehyun smiles, looking at the road as he gets on the road. "I really liked it too, I'm glad it all came out as planned."

"So the kisses were planned?"

He rolls his eyes. "Not the timing, but I was expecting it, yeah."

Soobin turns to look at him. "Yeah? Why?"

Taehyun stops at a red light and looks him up and down. "Do you really have to ask?"

That gets him quiet real fast. "You're a menace, Kang Taehyung. Forget what I said.”

Chapter Text

It's late, the breeze hits Soobin's face as he waits in the corner of an empty street. It took him almost half an hour to get rid of his manager and bodyguards, and another fifteen minutes to find a street that wasn't swarmed with people. He had his hood on, just in case someone would still be around to recognize him.

He checks his phone one, two, then three times in what feels like an eternity until a pair of headlights blink twice, catching his eye.

The sight of the familiar black car with the star charm hanging from the rearview mirror calms the twists in his gut.

He swiftly crosses the street and opens the passenger door, throwing himself inside with little care. The car starts moving away from the street, away from the city, and neither of them says a word.

He never does, Soobin knows by now. Taehyun was still afraid someone could read their lips whispering words only they should know. It's only when the car is lonely cruising on the highway that Taehyun relaxes, his hand reaching out to hold his as a silent greeting.

Soobin laughs quietly and squeezes his hand. "Are you sure you didn’t want to become a spy as a child?"

The tenseness breaks with Taehyun's surprised laugh as he rolls his eyes. "I couldn't be a spy when you keep wearing light sweaters everywhere."

Once the ice is broken, Soobin connects his phone to the car's sound and they enjoy their music in silence as Taehyun drives them home.

Chapter Text

Taehyun can feel eyes on him. He first noticed it earlier, on a break between an interview shooting. It wasn’t anyone from their permanent staff, probably just a curious producer or a new make-up artist learning the ropes.

She wouldn’t stop looking at Soobin.

Even worse, she wouldn’t stop looking at Soobin looking at him, and he could see the wheels turning in her head. When he saw her whispering to another staff member, giggling and throwing glances at Soobin, and even a few at himself, he felt uneasy.

All of this day has gone like that. Suddenly, even a light hand on Soobin’s shoulder feels like it’s being surveilled without his consent. Without noticing, he starts to draw back.

He offers Soobin all-business smiles and stops touching him. He wanders towards his other bandmates, overdoing the physicality to erase any suspicion from that woman’s head.

By the time the shooting ends, Taehyun is tired of looking over his shoulder. His hands twitch with the urge to touch Soobin, even a light graze would be enough. He walks a few steps behind Soobin as they go towards the exits and starts to reach out – surely, a friendly side hug wouldn’t attract any unwanted attention – but as soon as his arm drapes over Soobin’s shoulders, he hears it.

Soft, poorly hidden laughs and whispers behind them. He can’t tell for sure what they say, but it sounds an awful lot like did you see that?

His body freezes and he speeds past Soobin, his arm dropping uselessly next to him, pretending the hug was nothing but a fleeting touch by chance.

The moment they’re finally inside the SUV, Taehyun and Soobin sit next to each other. Soobin doesn’t speak but leaves his hand palm up over his leg. Even in the dark, Taehyun doesn’t dare to do more than pressing his knee against Soobin’s, his arms crossed over his chest as he looks out the window.

The knot on his gut and the tension on his neck doesn’t go away, and neither goes the feeling of Soobin’s confused eyes on him, trying to seek answers in the silence of the vehicle.

Taehyun remembers the stares, the feeling and the giggles and closes his eyes tightly, forcing himself to sleep the rest of the way home.

Chapter Text

Something’s off with Taehyun.

Despite the short months they’ve been dating, Soobin has become more and more attuned to the workings of Kang Taehyun.

He’s learned that it’s normal that he doesn’t smile all the time. He’s not sad or mad, just at ease.

He’s learned that he saves his biggest smiles for the things that are really worth it.

He’s learned that Taehyun is reserved when it comes to his romantic feelings, but he always makes time to let them out, to externalize what he feels so that Soobin can find it a little easier.

He’s learned that Taehyun loves to be loved, although his enjoyment of Soobin’s affections can go from the subtle to the painfully obvious.

And that’s how he knows something is off. The absence of Taehyun around him is clear as day for him. There is no hand playing with his, no arm clinging to his as they walk. He hasn’t sneaked into his bedroom in weeks after he’d been visited almost daily before.

Taehyun has stopped fighting back when Soobin tries to start to wrestle with him, laughing it off instead of throwing Soobin off his feet as he’s done countless times before.

He doesn’t smile back. He doesn’t sneak around anymore.

But when night comes, he becomes something different.

Their night dates increased in length and frequency. Soobin can feel Taehyun’s eagerness, almost desperation, to get them out of the dorm as soon as possible without raising questions.

He drives with determination, on the edge between fast enough and too fast. He doesn’t play music, nor makes small talk.

And when he finally turns off the engine, Taehyun is all over him. He embraces him tightly, kisses him endlessly and doesn’t stop saying how much he’s missed him.

It almost feels like desire. Soobin would almost buy it if it weren’t for the way Taehyun’s body remains tense under his hands all the time. The way his kisses silence him whenever he tries to get a word across.

If it weren’t for the way his hands shake when they didn’t use to do that.

After he’s been ravished, left out of breath and warm all over, he asks Taehyun how he feels.

Taehyun wears the same smile he uses at daytime when he replies he’s okay every single time.

Deciding enough is enough, Soobin makes a plan to bring the peace back into Taehyun’s life.

He can only hope it works.

Chapter Text

Taehyun notices Soobin looks happy today. Happier than he’s been looking lately. Because of him, he’s sure.

He’s driving them to their spot when Soobin starts giving him a life update. It’s unbelievable, how much of Soobin’s life he’s missed despite spending most of the day with him. How much he has ignored by consciously avoiding him and any deep conversation.

He feels his mood lighten with Soobin’s low but cheerful voice talking about anything and everything. The pressure on his chest lifts and lets him laugh genuinely for the first time in weeks.

“You’ve been up to no good, hyung,” he says after Soobin ends with his anecdotes.

“That’s what happens when I’m not supervised.” There’s a sting there somewhere, but neither of them address it. Before the silence goes on for too long, Soobin hums and grabs his hand on the shifting gear. “You know; I was thinking we could do something different for our dates.”

“Hmm? Like right now?”

Soobin shakes his head. “No, I mean… Maybe another day, we could make a plan and make a half-day trip out of it?”

He frowns. “I don’t know, isn’t it a bit too much to travel overnight on the road? How would we get that past the guys?”

The silence from Soobin makes him steal a glance. He spots Soobin looking down at his lap. His next words make him freeze all over again.

“I was thinking we could do it during the day, Taehyun. Not at night.”

Taehyun doesn’t answer but finds the nearest spot at the side of the road to park the car. He didn’t expect to be confronted about the timing of their dates.

“Please say something.”

He’s yanked back out of his head by Soobin’s soft plea. His thoughts are running by thousands per second but Soobin doesn’t look willing to wait for him.

“What do you want me to say, hyung? What’s wrong with our date nights? I thought you liked them, too.”

He notices at least three things he could’ve changed about his response as soon as he says it, but he can’t take them back and Soobin is seconds away from replying, closing the small window of opportunity to set his words straight.

“It’s not that I don’t like them. I enjoy everything we do, but you’ve been acting weird, you’ve got to admit it.”

“Everyone gets in a funk every once in a while.”

Soobin frowns at him and Taehyun wishes he could run away from the car – he wouldn’t be so cruel as to leave Soobin alone, though.

“Can you seriously say nothing happened to make you like this? We were having fun, no matter the time, and then you just… stopped.”

“We were being too risky, hyung. What if someone saw us?” That part at least is genuine, even if the delivery leaves a lot to be expected.

“Do you think I can’t be careful or something? We would never do anything the other isn’t comfortable with, right? We haven’t done it so far.”

Soobin’s still hopeful tone makes Taehyun regret even more what comes next.

“We haven’t? Aren’t you forcing things just now? We’re here, right now. Day or night, isn’t it enough what we’re here now? Why would you insist on ruining it, Soobin?”

He watches the glimmer of hope die down in Soobin’s gaze and realizes he’s majorly fucked up.

Chapter Text

Soobin closes the car's door with way less frustration than he actually feels. Even at this point, he can't bring himself to take it out on Taehyun's car.

Another door opens and closes and then he hears his voice.

"Hyung, stop. Please."

Soobin keeps walking to the side of the road, stopping by the barriers that separate them from the rest of the scenery. The air is fresh, but right now all it does is make his lungs suffocate.

Taehyun walks up to him and lightly touches his arm.

"I'm sorry."

Soobin musters up a smile that hurts to put on and makes Taehyun look away when he sees it.

"Am I going crazy, Taehyun? Did I really suggest something that is impossible?"

"No— No, you didn’t. It's not impossible. It's just-"

"You're not sure," Soobin finishes for him. Taehyun doesn’t reply.

The air gets colder, sending shivers through his whole body, making him hug himself to get some warmth.

There is more of that silence, where Soobin, even with his eyes on the city lights in the distance, can tell that Taehyun is looking around, always making sure no one else is around to witness whatever he's about to do.

And eventually, he feels Taehyun rest his forehead on his back, hands coming around to hug him too. There is nothing else and then,

"I'm so sorry."

Soobin hums that sound that says 'don’t worry, it's okay' even when his heart is still aching. It doesn’t fool either of them.

When Soobin has enough of his emotions in check, he pats Taehyun's arms and breaks his hug to return to the car. The usually comforting silence between them is broken, the stereo in the car stays off as Taehyun takes Soobin back to his place. There are sighs, loud gulps and even some sniffles and a choked sob. When they finally get home, he can't really tell which of them cried the most. He couldn't even bear to look at Taehyun's sad eyes, scared of how they would mirror his own.

They don’t talk about Taehyun’s words.

They don’t talk about what they implied, or how they feel like darts stuck deep in Soobin’s openly fragile heart.

They don’t talk even to say goodnight. They don’t talk the next day, or the one after that.

Chapter Text

Taehyun is exiled to his room. Voluntarily. For the sake of everyone else. It had taken a steaming hot cup of tea, Kai's crestfallen face as Taehyun forgot to watch his tone as he replied, and worst of all, the younger one's words right after.

"Sometimes you really don't watch your words, do you, hyung?"

It brought back the memories of Soobin's puffy red eyes as they parted ways a few nights ago. And here he is now, sulking and watching his tongue before he hurts someone else.

He feels the sting of tears in his eyes but he doesn’t let them fall. He plays some music and writes. He writes lines that will never see the studio. He writes about late nights, dark hair, stolen kisses and love confessions.

He writes about being a coward and feeling sorry. He sends those to Kai in an email, the text simple in nature.

Re: What do you think?

> Is it too much? Let me know

> Attached: lyrics1.txt

Kai's response comes through a call, surprisingly.

"Hello?"

"Hyung, you should talk to them," Kai skips the greetings and goes to the point.

"Talk to whom?"

"Whoever you messed up with that bad," he replies. "... I didn’t know you were dating."

"I'm not," Taehyun answers automatically, feeling like an idiot as his stomach churns with anguish. "I mean it's... it's complicated."

It doesn’t even begin to cover it, but complicated is all he has right now.

Kai sighs over the phone. "Yeah, it must be, but, hyung... is this person worth it?"

His aching heart holds the answer clear as day. "Yeah, completely worth it."

"Then my job here is done," Kai says brightly. "Good luck!"

The call disconnects, and as if summoned by Taehyun's thoughts, his phone buzzes with a text from Soobin.

hey, just wanted to wish you a great day. please take care of yourself

It's so painfully trying to sound as his usual self that Taehyung can't help but finally let some of his tears fall. He dials right away, the pain in his chest only growing as Soobin picks up on the first ring.

"Taehyun?"

"Can we meet? We need to talk.”

Chapter Text

Taehyun holds a deep breath, trying to settle his nerves. He managed to bribe everyone into leaving the dorm for the night. They think Soobin is going to stay at a friend's place, which works just fine for him.

After everyone leaves, Taehyun keeps his mind distracted by cleaning around, leaving a clear spot in the living room for him and Soobin to sit once he arrives. It has been hours since they last spoke, and Taehyun can't say he feels ready for the conversation he's about to start.

His hands feel clammy, his eyes sting and every nerve ending feels on edge, the nerves only increasing when he hears a beeping sound outside before Soobin enters the dorm.

"Hey, I'm home," he calls out as he enters Taehyun's field of vision. He is wearing a thick jacket, his cheeks reddened because of the cold outside. When he sees Taehyun waiting for him, Taehyun can see how his shoulders tense but his smile remains. He really messed up big time.

"Hey," he skips the formalities, letting the other know about the nature of their upcoming talk. "Everyone is outside, they are going to have a sleepover and won't be back until tomorrow, probably."

Soobin nods slowly. "Except for you."

Something stings in Taehyun's chest. "I can go too, if you want."

"No, no," Soobin quickly corrects him. "I'm sorry, I didn’t mean it like that."

Taehyun wants Soobin to stop apologizing, but he feels saying so will only bring more apologies, so he goes to the point. He nods towards the couch. "Can we talk now?" And after a second, "Please?"

Soobin removes his shoes and sits on the couch, staring at him in silence. Noticing how at ease he looks, even when Taehyun hurt him not two nights ago, makes him think there really isn't someone worthy enough of Soobin's goodness. He doesn’t know what to make with that realization.

"Aren't you sitting too?"

Taehyun pulls himself out of his thoughts and shakes his head. "Not yet, I..." he takes a piece of paper out of his pocket. "I had to write what I'm going to say because... well, it doesn’t matter."

"Okay." Soobin brings his knees up to his chest and hugs himself, looking tiny on the couch despite his size. "I'm all ears."

"Right," Taehyun mutters as he finds the beginning of his note. He reads aloud and articulates every word to make sure nothing gets lost in the speech. He glances at Soobin after every period to make sure he hasn't said anything bad.

When the words get more real, raw and unedited, he shoulders on, putting all of himself out in the open for Soobin to dissect.

His hands start shaking near the end, and the lump in his throat almost makes him give up. Instead, he continues, giving his all to his words, his attempt to soothe the man before him, to keep him by his side just a little longer.

When he finishes, he balls up the paper and lets it fall to the floor. "That's all that I had prepared," he croaks out. "I didn’t plan what to do next."

His last words open the floodgates in Soobin's eyes as the older rubs his eyes to stop the tears that start running down his face. Taehyun widens his eyes in panic, not knowing whether it's okay to approach and offer any sort of comfort.

Before he can decide though, Soobin launches himself from the coach and reaches him in a long stride, their bodies colliding as Soobin wraps his arms around him, engulfing him in a tight hug. Taehyun hugs him back by the waist, slowly rubbing his lower back, trying to keep them both in check.

As Soobin's tears end, Taehyun's finally fall. He sniffles once, twice, then he lets his worries fall in every tear, his face burrowed in Soobin's chest. Then, with the last of his bravery, he confesses the only three things his hand couldn't write on paper.

"I'm sorry. I love you. I don’t want to lose you.”

Chapter Text

Soobin protects himself by hugging his knees, watching Taehyun stand before him with a piece of paper full of rips in the corners and scratches that are visible from the other side of the page.

He braces himself, unsure of what to expect or how much it will hurt as Taehyun starts to speak.

I didn’t mean for our misunderstanding to go on for so long. Sometimes I feel too much and I know my words can sting if I'm not careful with them. We already saw I'm capable of hurting your feelings if I'm not careful, and I don’t want to make you that sad again.

I didn't mean to ambush you like this at our own home. I didn’t want to drive in case either of us felt too much and driving became something dangerous to do. Even after this, if you want the dorm for yourself, I'll go, I promise.

I didn't mean to make light of your feelings that night in the car. And I also didn’t mean to put my needs before yours. The truth is I am scared. I've been a little scared from the moment I realized I could care for you like this. I've been feeling more scared ever since I realized our actions have consequences, and being who we are, our recklessness can bring consequences to more than just ourselves.

I'm afraid of ruining what we have built over these past months, but I'm also afraid of ruining what we have worked so hard for.

I want to make it clear: I don’t regret a second of it. Even at my most afraid, I've never felt happier than I do when we are together.

I want to figure out how to do things your way, too. I also want us to go out on our days off, to travel together, to go on a date even if only the two of us know it is a date. It's not impossible, it never was.

You are so smart, caring and brave that I know if anyone could find a way, it's you. I want to be brave like you are. I wish I could show you how much I care as openly as you do. If you still have a spot for me, I'd love to remain by your side for as long as you'll let me. I want to learn to be better with you."

As Taehyun nervously ends his speech, Soobin feels his heart ache. It makes so much sense, as Taehyun has always been that way, but watching him expose himself like that, watching his self-composed mask crack even for a moment, makes him feel so much that he lunges for him. He can't stand to be apart from Taehyun anymore.

His heart aches as he feels his shirt getting wet with Taehyun's tears, and it aches in a completely new way as he hears it.

"I'm sorry. I love you. I don’t want to lose you."

Soobin chokes on a sob, barely getting a hold of his tears, clinging tighter to Taehyun. "I'm here. We're going to be okay."

They hug in the middle of the living room until they're breathing deeply, their shoulders no longer shaking, their eyes drier than wet. Soobin leads them to his bedroom. They lie down on the pillows, still hugging, when Soobin says it.

"By the way, I love you, Taehyun."

Taehyun smiles softly and kisses him three times. The kiss says I know, thank you and I love you too.

They fall asleep like that, fully dressed but comfortable in each other's embrace, their hearts healing as they dream of what's yet to come.

Chapter Text

"The ocean is so pretty; I can't believe we're here."

Taehyun is still fighting the remains of his instinct to hide and wait for the sun to go down, like a modern day antisocial vampire, but he smiles at Soobin's amazed voice.

"I'm glad you like it," he smiles. "We have about four hours tops before we have to go back."

"That's more than enough," Soobin smiles at him, wide and carefree. Taehyun wishes he could kiss him. Instead, he hooks his arm around Soobin's as they start walking down the shore.

The sun is barely out - a compromise made by Taehyun when he asked for some tolerance while they figured how they could adapt their date nights to date days - and there is almost no one outside, except for the occasional runner and old couples out on a walk, much like they are.

"It's a shame Seoul isn't closer to the beach, right?" Soobin is taking long and slow strides. Taehyun has to give an extra step or two to stay in pace.

"I think it's better this way," he replies, resting his head on Soobin's arm for a fleeting couple of seconds. "It'd be crowded all the time, it wouldn't be as pretty."

They walk in silence for a few more minutes. The sand under their feet is starting to warm up, their linked arms make every movement be shared, Soobin dragging behind when Taehyun's steps can't reach him, Taehyun stumbling forward when Soobin turns towards the sea carelessly, forgetting he has him by the arm.

"Is it what you had in mind?" Taehyun dares to ask, squeezing Soobin's arm so he knows he's not having second thoughts. "Is it this different with the sun out?"

Soobin seems to get deep in thought and Taehyun remains by his side, silent but supportive.

"It never was about being seen," Soobin finally answers. "I think it was about being able to choose. Not to be confined to leaving every night because it's all we can get, you know?"

Taehyun looks at the sun gleaming on Soobin's face and sighs. "I know"

Chapter Text

An earth-crumbling thought strikes Taehyun one day, late into the evening as him and Soobin lie on their fronts, elbows supporting their weight as they play videogames.

He has no one to blame but himself. Soobin had simply asked for a videogame date, he'd received Taehyun wearing a big sweater and loose sweatpants, comfortable as ever, and they had shared a quick kiss as they greeted one another.

There is nothing purposefully seductive about Soobin tonight, so Taehyun really is at fault for the torrent of thoughts that keep invading his mind.

It starts when Soobin face plants on the bed and squirms after losing a match, making the bottom of his sweater ride up. It follows as Taehyun turns slightly to his side to give his back a break. The thoughts begin the second he spots Soobin's bare lower back. It's less than half of it, but he struggles to look away and return to their games.

His character moves and dies over and over, much to Soobin's delight, as the spiral guides his train of thought.

It's nothing he hasn't seen before. At one point or another of their careers he has seen most of Soobin's body exposed, be it because of wardrobe malfunctions, speedy outfit changes or a bathroom door left unlocked.

He's sure he has touched it before, maybe in passing, by accident, or even when they dance or playfully wrestle.

But, now that he thinks about it, he has never intentionally touched Soobin's back.

He yawns, stretching his body to the side, getting another glimpse of that silver of skin. His hand tingles, suddenly curious to know what the skin on Soobin's back feels like. It shouldn't be weird, right? Ever since they started dating they had kissed, they'd touched each other's hands, shoulders, chests and, every once in a while, their waists and hips as they held one another.

The back shouldn't be that different... right?

Decided, Taehyun lets go of the controller and reaches out to place his hand on Soobin's lower back.

The skin is cold after being exposed to the cold room for a few minutes, but it's so, so incredibly soft. Taehyun starts rubbing slowly, unaware of Soobin pausing the game to turn to look at him.

"What... What are you doing, Taehyun?"

To his relief, Soobin doesn't sound upset or uncomfortable. If anything, he catches a bit of surprise and maybe curiosity? In any case, Taehyun stops his motions but doesn't remove his hand.

"I guess I got distracted," he says slowly.

"By my back?" Soobin raises an eyebrow and laughs. "Was the game that boring?"

"Ah," Taehyun huffs and pushes Soobin's shoulder. "If I didn’t like the game then I wouldn't play it. It's not that." Soobin looks at him, waiting for him to elaborate. "I was just thinking I had never touched you here... on purpose, I mean."

Soobin gets a glint in his eyes. "There's a lot you haven't touched on purpose; you know?"

Taehyun closes his eyes with a groan, already expecting his response. "You're the worst. Forget I said anything." He lets his upper body fall on the bed, resting his head on his crossed arms.

He closes his eyes and feels Soobin starting to caress his hair. "You can be so dramatic," he teases him. "I don’t mind; you know? If you touch me on purpose."

Taehyun opens one eye to watch as Soobin mirrors his position, looking back at him. "You don't mind?" he repeats.

Soobin smiles at him. "It felt nice when you touched me just now. And I mean... we're eventually going to touch more intentionally, right?"

"Right." He sits crossed-legged on the bed, his body facing Soobin's back. "Then I'm going to... you know," he raises his hands over his back.

Soobin hums and nods. "Knock yourself out."

Taehyun takes his hand back to that skin, unprotected by the sweater. It still keeps some of the warmth from his earlier touch. Now that he can touch freely, he's not sure of what to do. He looks for a second at Soobin's bottom half before shaking his head to himself. He's nowhere near ready for that.

He settles for doing an attempt at massaging Soobin's back. He alternates between soft rubs and deeper presses. Soobin chuckles and the smile never leaves his face. The smooth movements of his hands keep exposing more and more of Soobin's pale skin. "How is it so soft," he wonders out loud.

"I have no idea, I'm just awesome like that." Soobin can barely hold in his laugh.

Taehyun lightly slaps his back with the tip of his fingers. "Behave."

His hands move with more ease as the seconds pass. He grows accustomed to the sensation until he's deliberately pushing Soobin's sweater higher and higher, exposing more of his back.

When the fabric is bunched up under his armpits, Soobin asks, "Do you want me to take it off?"

Taehyun's heart races. Taking it off would require Soobin to sit up and show more than he's ready to process. "Maybe another time?"

"Sure."

He knows he has to let Soobin sit up unless he wants him to fall asleep, so he reaches with both arms to hold the hem of Soobin's sweater when one last intrusive thought arrives.

Skipping his overthinking for once, he lets his hands slide down to Soobin's sides. He can feel the hint of muscle over his ribs right at his fingertips. Drawing in a shaky breath, Taehyun leans down and kisses the middle of Soobin's back.

Soobin gasps, making Taehyun pull down his sweater quickly, resting his forehead on his back once he is completely covered again. "Thank you," he whispers against the soft fabric before righting himself up.

"Thank you," Soobin replies. He sits up and pulls Taehyun right into his arms. "Why are you so red, huh?"

Taehyun melts into the hug with a pout. "Don't tease me. I had no idea what I was doing."

"I liked it, so I think we're good." Soobin kisses the top of Taehyun's head. "Come on, let's finish the game."

They finish their date as usual. They kiss goodnight before Taehyun leaves, the only difference in Soobin's hands roaming all over his back.

Chapter Text

Life has been extremely kind to Soobin. Work hasn't buried him, he's sleeping well, and him and his boyfriend —are they boyfriends? Soobin now realizes they've never assigned themselves a label despite confessing their love for one another—  are going stronger than ever.

They go out whenever they feel like it. Taehyun still struggles if they go somewhere particularly crowded, but keeps himself together enough with Soobin by his side. They still go out at night sometimes to gaze at the stars, often preferring to stay indoors to chat and make out on either of their beds.

The past couple of weeks have been... interesting, to put it mildly. After Taehyun's bold approach during their videogame date, they haven't stopped touching.

It started a couple of days after said event, when Soobin wanted and offered to return the special treatment he'd received. Taehyun kept it going by letting his curiosity take control when they were alone. He had touched Soobin's calves, knees, forearms and shoulders with such attention and care that always left Soobin with a strange mix of excitement and fondness.

He had returned said touches each time, his hands also exploring and enjoying the sensation of Taehyun's skin.

They hadn't used anything else but their hands, and anything below the belt and above the knees still felt like a line they had yet to cross.

Which leads to this moment in Taehyun's bedroom. They've locked the door and, as something they don’t do that often, they're making out.

Most of the time, Taehyun's overthinking and self-control or Soobin's own embarrassment and nerves are enough to make sure most of their time together is somewhat contained.

Other times, however, their brains just stop thinking and worrying so much. At those times, Soobin figures this is what the so called honeymoon phase is about: doing whatever they want with little or no care for anything else.

His lips are tingling, and he bets they look as flushed as Taehyun's. His hands are holding Taehyun's waist as the other lays on top of him, holding onto his shoulder as they kiss.

They break apart to catch their breath and start laughing right away. "We are a mess," he says, looking at Taehyun's disheveled hair.

"We are," Taehyun nods, diving back to kiss him.

"I don't know what I did to deserve this," Soobin mock-laments, seeking to tease Taehyun for a moment. "I had no idea you planned to ravish me. You should be sorry."

"You literally pulled me to this bed," Taehyun replies, his voice deadpan.

"How will I face the world looking like this? You have to take responsibility."

"Uh-huh, sure I will." Taehyun digs his fingers in Soobin's sides, making him screech.

"Let go of me!" he tries to sit up but the tickling on his body makes him weaker. He swats at Taehyun's hands as he laughs, all to no avail. Taehyun starts laughing too, so much in fact, that he starts to shed tears. When he uses one of his hands to wipe his tears, Soobin seizes the opportunity and tangles his legs with Taehyun's, pushing his shoulder to get on top of him.

Taehyun tries to tickle him again but Soobin grabs his waist to stop him. As avid fans of wrestling among themselves, Taehyun doesn’t give up that easily. He tries to hook his legs on whichever part of Soobin he can reach to try and reverse their positions. Soobin sees this coming and plants his knees firmly on either side of Taehyun's hips, letting his body weigh down to stop any attempt to escape.

Taehyun finally lets his body relax and stops struggling. "Fine, you win."

"As I should, now I'll claim the prize," he says dorkily, leaning down to kiss him. Taehyun rolls his eyes before kissing him back, their bodies getting comfortable around one another.

Soobin is getting lost in their kisses once again when Taehyun moves his hips to adjust on the bed and time stops for him as he freezes. He feels his body reacting so fast that he's unable to stop it. Taehyun looks up at Soobin, probably confused before realization sinks in.

"Hyung..."

Soobin exhales harshly and quickly leaves the bed, power-walking to the bathroom with a high-pitched "be right back", slamming the door closed behind him.

"Come on, hyung! Open the door!"

Soobin locks the bathroom door with haste, catching his breath. "Give me a second!"

"There's nothing wrong, hyung, it's all natural!"

As he tends to do when he has embarrassed himself beyond salvation, Soobin wants the Earth to split open and swallow him whole.

They've wrestled before, many times actually.  Why did he have to react like this just now, when they're alone?

Why did he feel embarrassed if it was, indeed, something natural?

"I'll be right out," he calls out as he goes to the sink and splashes water over his face, thinking of anything and everything to get his body under control.

He hears a sigh outside and then, "It happens to me too, you know?"

Soobin looks at the door as if he could see Taehyun on the other side. "It does?"

"More than I'd admit," Taehyun laughs awkwardly. "I guess I've been lucky you haven't noticed."

"So you feel... those kind of sensations for me too?"

"Oh, yes," Taehyun replies right away. "I guess we should've talked about it earlier to avoid these kinds of moments."

And it hits Soobin like a ton of bricks; if the feeling is mutual, why get embarrassed? And if it's mutual, what's stopping them from doing something about it?

Resolute, Soobin dries his face and opens the door to a startled Taehyun. He smiles as he does when taking a challenge and says:

"Let's have sex, Taehyun."

Chapter Text

November 21st

soo how are we going to

do this sex thing?

 . . . couldn't we just talk in

person hyung?

we always end up busy

when we meet in person

you need to stop kissing me for

five minutes, then we'll talk

not fair :c

can we kiss when you get back?

 i'll be there asap

November 22nd

hey

[link attached]

TAEHYUN

i'm outside why you'd

send that?

ㅋㅋㅋ you said last night

we need to get ready

i meant the MATERIALS

not the... mechanics

i think it's useful

yeah, you've got a point

be thankful i didn’t open

the link right next to

 yeonjun hyung

 lol

November 23rd

hey?

what's up?

when it's time to... do

the thing. who's gonna

do what?

ㅋㅋ do the thing

i know ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ be serious

do you have any preference?

not that i know, remember?

maybe we can flip a coin?

deal, winner tops

November 24th

so

so?

what about your birthday?

what about it?

we could do what we're

planning on your birthday

you mean do the thing?

yes

that's about 10 days away

we have time to prepare

if you want to

i do, do you?

i do, a lot

great

November 25th

i'll send you a list of

everything we need

[Note attached]

you're fully prepared

how are we gonna

get all that stuff?

right, i didnt think

about that. we'll discuss

it more at home, yeah?

deal. hey? i love you.

dork. i love you too

Chapter Text

Taehyun would be having a great day watching Soobin stutter over his own words if he weren't so nervous about being caught.

"What do you mean you want to spend your birthday alone?"

That's the big question everyone in the group has asked Soobin. In all honesty, it wasn't the best of moves to summon a meeting to cancel their usual birthday plans. He should've sent a group text and be done with it. How did he think their friends would just go along with it?

"Yeah, I, uh..." Soobin scratches his neck, his face red. "I'm sorry, everyone. I forgot I had, uh, booked an appointment for that day."

"At night?" Beomgyu looks at him funnily. "Come on, what aren't you saying?"

"Nothing, I promise!"

"Maybe our Soobinie-hyung has a date!" Kai yells, followed by scandalized hollers by everyone, even a few forced laughs from Taehyun himself. "That's it, right? You've got a date!"

"But if he needs all night..."

"Is he gonna-"

"Yah! Stop talking as if I'm not here!" Soobin orders, his voice tense. "Can you please just... not ask? I'm sorry I can't say anything right now, I promise we can celebrate all together earlier, or the day before..."

Seeing Soobin's growing anguish, Taehyun decides to butt in. "We're sorry, hyung," he starts, getting Soobin's startled eyes on him. "We respect that, right guys?"

"Yeah, totally," Yeonjun says, dropping a hand on Soobin's shoulder for support. "We're here whenever you're ready to talk, or not, we'll be here anyways."

"Right," Soobin sighs. "So, uh... I won't be home that day, so you can all... go and do your own things, alright?"

"Sure," Taehyun replies, feeling guilty for a moment for lying in his friends' faces without them knowing. "I think I'm gonna go visit my family, I'd be back the next day so we can celebrate you, hyung."

"Yeah, that'd be nice." The others nod and offer sounds of agreement, the topic solved for the moment. Taehyun looks at Soobin and worries. He didn't think lying to his friends would be that bad.

On the morning of Soobin's birthday, Taehyun chooses to start it with an act of bravery.

He sneaks into Soobin's bedroom (not so common this early in the morning) and locks the door behind him, going to the bed and lifting the covers to cuddle Soobin from the back. He nuzzles into the nape of his neck, kissing it softly.

"Wake up, hyung. Happy birthday."

Soobin groans sleepily and reaches behind him to feel Taehyun's hair. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"First birthday present," Taehyun whispers, hugging him tightly. "You get five minutes of cuddles before starting the day."

Soobin laughs, his body shaking on the bed. "I'm the birthday boy, shouldn't I decide for how long we can cuddle?"

"Fine," Taehyun grins. "Pick a time."

"Two hours."

"No way."

Even without seeing it, Taehyun can feel the pout Soobin is making. "Then twenty minutes. We can do twenty, right?"

"Deal." Taehyun kisses his neck again. "But if someone knocks on that door I'm tackling you to make our alibi."

"That's good enough for me," Soobin turns on the bed to face Taehyun and wrap him in his arms. "Thank you for my present," he kisses the top of Taehyun's head, making his body relax with a sigh. "This is the best way to start a birthday.”

Chapter Text

"You know, it's funny."

Soobin looks at his door frame, where Yeonjun has appeared. "What do you mean, hyung?"

"Just the timing of it all," he gestures around. "But don't mind me," he smiles at him. "I'm here if you ever want to talk."

Soobin zips closed the backpack he has prepared for his overnight stay. "Thank you, hyung."

"And be careful," Yeonjun's eyes are charged with something Soobin can't decipher.

"I will. Take care of things while I'm gone, please?"

Yeonjun winks at him. "You've got it, bro.”

The taxi drops Soobin at the doors of the hotel. He looks up at the known brand and prays no one will recognize him as he enters. He is covered from head to toe, and he keeps crouching his body, hoping his height won't catch anyone's attention. The least he wants for his birthday is to be mobbed by journalists or unreasonable so-called fans.

He makes a quick job of checking in, making sure to go to the oldest looking person in the lobby - less chances of being recognized. He receives his key room, up on the seventh floor and goes right to the elevator, managing to catch one by himself.

As the numbers increase, so do his nerves. He believes some of it will go away once he is safely behind closed doors, and the rest? It'll probably go away once Taehyun reunites with him.

The elevator doors open with a ping. Soobin heads straight for his room, following the signs as he takes long strides, not wishing to waste any second. Once in front of his door, he uses the key card to open it and finally let out a sigh of relief as the door closes.

He stays still and listens, just in case there are footsteps following him or any voice he should be careful about. When he hears nothing, he deadbolts the door, takes off his shoes and puts on the slippers offered by the hotel, leaving them in the hallway as he steps into the main area of the room.

It is lovely, even if it's nothing close to the suites and deluxe rooms he has stayed in in the past. There is a medium sized TV, a couple of lamps in the layout that give a soft, yellow hue to the room, thick, beige curtains that protect the space from the outer world, a table with two chairs by the window, some drawers to store clothes and the most obvious piece of furniture: a king sized bed with soft-looking, white bedding.

He drops his backpack in one of the chairs and lets his body fall on the bed. It is incredibly soft. He takes out his phone from his front pocket and sends Taehyun a quick text:

i'm here. don't be late

Soobin lets his arm fall to the side, phone in hand, and looks at the ceiling. It's grainy and pristine, like the rest of the room. He tries to tell apart every singular dot until his eyes cross. He inhales deeply, holding the air in for a couple of seconds before letting it out as reality sinks in.

He might have his first time by the end of the day looking at that ceiling.

His heart races in an overwhelming mix of nerves, excitement, embarrassment and a speck of anxiety. No amount of forums on his incognito searches prepared him for this. Not even the most exhaustive to-do list from the most experienced sex gurus makes him feel ready for what's about to happen once Taehyun arrives.

For a fleeting second, he thinks about calling it off, before every inch in his body replies with a loud no.

He could wait.

He could wait forever and Taehyun would wait along with him.

But he fears no amount of time will be enough to get rid of his feelings. Because it is important. It is him. It's Taehyun. It's the two of them, together. Like this. At that moment, Soobin realizes feeling nervous is the most natural thing in the world.

He closes his eyes as he gets rid of every ridiculous expectation his silly brain has made up. He reassures himself and relaxes until he's about to fall asleep. Right on cue, his phone buzzes, pulling him out of his thoughts.

i'm going up. send me the number.

Soobin does so and sits up. He straightens his clothes and fixes his hair. He walks to the bathroom and looks at his reflection. The bags under his eyes have no remedy, of course, but he'd say he looks somewhat composed. He stares at the Soobin in the mirror until there's a knock on the door. He takes one last deep breath before moving to open it. He quickly glimpses into the peephole then unlocks the deadbolt, letting Taehyun rush inside.

He looks as inconspicuous as can be, hair hidden by a cap, wearing all black to avoid stares. He takes off the cap, and their eyes meet.

"Hi.”

For the first time in their relationship, it gets awkward between them.

After Taehyun enters the room to leave his own stuff, Soobin follows him quietly. Once that's done, they are locked.

No one talks.

No one moves.

No action feels like the right one and no word feels good enough to start whatever conversation they need to have. Soobin looks into his eyes, trying to read his expression, but Taehyun looks worryingly neutral.

His eyes are wide but his eyebrows do not arch either way. He isn't frowning nor smiling. There's an openness to his face, the only evidence of him not being upset. As his eyes go down his dark outfit, he suddenly remembers, and the urgency makes him speak.

"Did you make it here okay? Did anyone see you?"

Taehyun coughs out a laugh, his body relaxing as if he'd been holding his breath. "Everything went well, I double checked in the elevator. We should be okay."

"Right! Right, that's great. Excellent, even."

They go back to being silent until the nerves manifest as laughter in Soobin's body, his giggles starting Taehyun's as well. They laugh until the awkwardness floats away from them, smiling at each other through the disbelief of the situation.

"Are you nervous?" he asks Taehyun.

"Stupidly nervous. An 80 percent."

Soobin steps into Taehyun's space and lets his head drop, their foreheads touching. It's grounding and comforting, just what he needs. They hold each other's arms, swaying a bit in place.

Because he has to know, Soobin asks. "Do you still want to do this?"

He feels Taehyun's nod against his forehead. "I do. And you?"

"Mhmm." They pull away and kiss each other briefly. "Do you have the coin?"

Taehyun rolls his eyes and pulls out a 100 won coin. "You have no idea how dumb I feel letting a coin decide what we're going to do."

"Do you have a preference now?"

"No." He presents the silver coin. "Front or back?"

"Back."

Taehyun flips the coin and both watch as it lands on the carpet, then back at each other.

"Front.”

Soobin clears his throat, a whole layer of context now over them. He does his best not to picture what they will look like; he doesn't think his heart can handle it right now.

"Soobin."

He startles at being addressed so directly but he looks at Taehyun's concerned eyes. "Yes?"

"Are you okay with that decision? If you changed your mind..."

"No, it's not that," Soobin laughs, a little goofy. "I have no idea what I'm doing so-"

"That makes two of us."

"Yah, don't cut me off," Soobin scolds. "I mean anything is good for me because I have nothing to compare it to, you know?"

Taehyun hums in understanding. "What about a shower? To relax and..."

Soobin flushes. "Yeah, good idea. You can go first, I'll... get our stuff out."

They nod like men on a mission and get to their separate tasks. Taehyun takes his toiletries and a change of clothes - thank goodness - into the bathroom, the sound of water falling down starting right away.

And really, Soobin should not be left alone with this kind of thoughts. His mind reels and wanders as he takes out his own things, as well as what remains inside of Taehyun's.

What if he's awful at this bottoming thing? He's stupidly tall, won't it be weird? What if the awkwardness from earlier returns and they swear off sex forever? Not that he would mind but he wants to like having sex with Taehyun.

All the attraction he has felt before, all the tingles and flutters in his body when he sees and touches him, he wants to let them all out for once.

He trusts that even if he does suck at having sex, Taehyun won't break up with him for it.

Whatever happens, he trusts they won't love each other any less.

Trying to stay on that note, he smiles widely at Taehyun as he comes out, his hair still dripping and his dark pajamas making him look only slightly adorable and mostly incredibly handsome.

He grabs his things and holds Taehyun by the neck as he passes by, getting him close for another kiss, full of meaning.

"I'll be right back.”

It's probably the most surreal shower Soobin has ever taken in his life. The water slides down his body as he cleans up, keeping his mind elsewhere as he goes through the motion.

He takes longer than usual, so long that he fears Taehyun might fall asleep waiting for him. Only when he feels impeccable he exits the shower, grabbing a towel to wrap around his hips.

He looks at his reflection once again. His eyes look wider, more aware than before. He grabs his clothes, getting dressed quickly as an intrusive thought arrives. Is it really necessary to put on clothes again if...?

Fortunately, his common sense wins and he finishes putting on his clothes in a hurry, yanking the door open to reunite with Taehyun.

In the bedroom, Taehyun is sitting at the end of the bed, watching the TV that is now playing some series he must know if he cared enough to watch right now. Soobin watches his profile illuminated by the bright TV light and smiles. He really is handsome.

"Hey."

Taehyun's head whips around to look at him, smiling widely. "Hi, hyung." He reaches out a hand, inviting him closer.

Soobin does so, taking Taehyun's hand when he can reach it. Taehyun pulls his hand to make him stand in front of him. Soobin looks down at Taehyun's calm face and laughs a little. Everything is okay.

Taehyun hugs him by the hips, burrowing his head in his stomach. This is new. He feels warmth from Taehyun's face going through his thin t-shirt and blushes. A few drops from Soobin's hair land over Taehyun, making him look up.

"You forgot to dry your hair?"

Soobin goes completely red. "I forgot. I was... eager."

Taehyun laughs and pulls away, patting the space next to him. "Sit."

Soobin immediately misses their previous position but sits next to Taehyun, watching as the other gathers a towel and stands next to him, dropping the towel unceremoniously over his head, starting to pat and rub his hair with the towel.

"The room is too fresh," Taehyun notes. "If you don't dry off properly you're gonna get sick."

Soobin pouts under the towel, closing his eyes to enjoy Taehyun's pampering. "I wasn't thinking about that."

"What were you thinking about, then?" Taehyun removes the towel to look at him. This time, Soobin faces him right away.

"You know what."

Taehyun holds a strand of his hair then runs a hand through Soobin's head, making sure it's dry enough. He throws the towel away and keeps a soft hold on Soobin's hair.

"I do?"

Soobin hums and holds onto the hem of Taehyun's shirt. He tugs at it and Taehyun promptly lets himself be pulled, leaning over him.

Soobin scoots back and pulls until Taehyun loses his balance and lands on top of him. They look at each other and start laughing.

It goes pretty smoothly after that, even if their path isn't the most flawless there is.

They start making out, something comforting and familiar between the two. Taehyun being sprawled on top of him is familiar too, but it's invaded by the newness of Soobin deliberately spreading his legs to get them closer.

Taehyun undresses him first in what is probably the most vulnerable moment of his life so far. Every touch and kiss he receives on his chest is new and thrilling. Every new thing Taehyun decides to do to him - with him - has Soobin wanting more.

When Soobin decides it's time to get Taehyun shirtless as well, he returns every touch, every caress and every kiss he has received. Taehyun's hands go further than they've ever gone, caressing his sides and waist without reserves, trailing down to grab his leg and get them even closer.

It's at that moment, with their hips grinding against each other's that Soobin lets the last of his logic go and lose himself in the moment.

In a way that he will never admit to anyone he's capable of doing, he clings onto Taehyun as they move. He accidentally scratches his back as he receives all of his first touches.  He mouths at Taehyun's ears and neck, doing his best to kiss him when his body has forgotten how to kiss.

He covers his face and laughs along with Taehyun as they face the blunt image of the lube and the condom they need to use. They feel oddly out of place among what they've been doing so far, even if he knows it should be natural.

Taehyun takes his hands away so they look at each other. "You okay?" he asks, eyebrows slightly frowned in concern. Soobin nods and looks at the objects again.

"You've got to admit that is weird."

Taehyun laughs and agrees, but they keep going anyway. Soobin hides his expressions of slight discomfort in Taehyun's shoulder, breathing deeply as Taehyun preps him, whispering sweet reassurances in his ear.

Soobin loses track of the order of events. He becomes sounds, touch and sensation.

He forgets about feeling embarrassed at every gasp, groan and moan he makes. He starts to like them when he notices Taehyun doesn't hold back his either.

He touches Taehyun everywhere he can reach, touching everything soft, everything hard, and everything needy. He touches Taehyun until he feels he finally knows every inch of him.

Finally, he loses himself into the most overwhelming sensation that takes over his body, making him shudder and tense, only to relax as he goes over that edge, Taehyun following shortly after him.

They lie letting out breathless laughs of disbelief. Did we really just do that?, they seem to ask. Soobin's view finally clears, watching Taehyun's flushed face, imagining his own must look pretty similar. Soobin grabs Taehyun's head to kiss him softly, everything intensely warm, chills over his body as the AC starts to cool them off.

"Are you okay?" Taehyun asks as they pull apart.

"More than okay," Soobin says, grinning. "I'm happy."

Chapter Text

Soobin wakes up, his nose inhaling the scent of Taehyun's shampoo, his hair tickling his face. They're facing each other, their lower halves covered by the soft blankets. Soobin props his head on his arm, taking a look around the room. He sees a pillow on the floor and Taehyun's pants thrown comically far from the bed.

Softly, he disentangles his body from Taehyun. Surprisingly, Taehyun only sighs softly but doesn't wake. He walks to the bathroom, his slippers barely making any sound as he closes the door. He once again looks at his reflection and huffs out a surprised laugh. His hair is a mess, and his eyes seem darker, shinier, even if he knows his eye color hasn't changed overnight.

There are a few new marks on his body that make him blush. Two reddish, hand-shaped indents on either side of his hips, a few pinkish lines going down his forearms and the most obvious, a reddened hickey by his collarbones. He touches the skin, marveling at how sensitive it feels when last night it felt nothing but good.

He cleans up, then runs back to where his backpack is to put on a pair of boxers - staying naked in broad daylight feels counterintuitive to him. He burrows back into the covers, his now cold body making Taehyun wake up.

He rubs his eyes and stretches lazily, Soobin's eyes drawn to his bare chest, appreciating the marks he left behind.

"Like what you see?"

Yesterday, Soobin would've blushed and never admit it. After what they've done, it feels like there's little sense in feeling any sort of embarrassment or shame.

So instead of looking away, Soobin uses Taehyun as his personal pillow, resting crossing both arms to rest them on his chest, and his head on top of them. He hums contentedly. "Very. And very comfy too."

 Taehyun opens his eyes and they look at each other. He frowns in confusion. "Why do you look so fresh? You just woke up, that's impossible."

Soobin laughs at him. "I already washed up. You woke up late."

"Hmm, I wonder why.”

"I have no idea, honestly."

Taehyun rolls his eyes and playfully pushes Soobin to the side. "Let me up. I feel gross, I'll be right back."

Soobin pouts but watches him go, admiring his bare body, whistling as he rounds the bed. Taehyun's ears go red and he rushes to the bathroom, making Soobin burst out laughing.

"Not funny!" Taehyun yells from the bathroom.

"Totally funny!" Soobin yells back. However, as Taehyun closes the door, Soobin gathers a pair of boxers from Taehyun's stuff and takes it to the bathroom. He knocks softly on the door. "Brought you some clothes."

A timid hand opens the door a bit and takes the garment. "Thank you."

Soobin goes back to bed and checks his phone. They have about two hours until they have to leave the room. He has good morning messages in the band's group chat. He writes back, reassuring that he is okay and will be back at the dorm soon, then he rests on his stomach, his face to the side, looking at the hallway, waiting for Taehyun to return.

When he does, he smiles. "Hey."

Taehyun crouches by the bed next to him, their faces inches apart. "Hey yourself," Taehyun smiles, wide and unreserved.

Soobin raises his body enough to catch Taehyun's lips with his own, kissing him languidly. Taehyun rests his elbows on the mattress and grabs Soobin's face, deepening the kiss. Soobin feels Taehyun rising and lays on his back, letting Taehyun settle on top of him.

Taehyun runs his hands down his body, his kisses moving to Soobin's jaw and neck. When he starts feeling the tell-tale kisses turning into gentle sucks, he tugs gently on his hair.

"I'll have to wear turtlenecks if you keep that going."

"I see no issue with that," Taehyun mumbles, nipping at his skin, making him gasp. Feeling frisky, he tugs harder at Taehyun's hair, making the other groan. Making use of his size, he turns them over, full body weight keeping Taehyun pinned down.

"We've got an hour, I think it's my turn, don't you think?"

Taehyun smirks. "Do your best.”

Chapter Text

Taehyun walks silently next to Soobin as they get in the taxi. Taehyun's worldview has completely changed in the last couple of hours. He looks at Soobin, who looks smug behind his glasses and mask.

"What is making you this happy?" he asks Soobin.

He just laughs and looks out the window. "Nothing at all," he replies while looking like the cat that got the canary.

Taehyun looks out his own window as he remembers, some parts of his body still tingly and sensitive as he moves.

Soobin really took "having his turn" seriously and managed to leave Taehyun breathless and spent before they had to leave the room. He skipped all of the gentleness Taehyun had needed the night before.

Free of the first-time jitters and having a good idea of what to expect, Soobin moved eagerly and clearly excited. They undressed way faster this time, and Soobin touched him boldly, his chest, down to his waist and hips, and further down, seeking reactions out of Taehyun with great success.

Taehyun felt completely covered by Soobin at all times, a hand holding his, squeezing as he got used to new sensations, lips kissing his frown away, soft fingers wiping the lone tear that managed to run down his cheek.

Soobin had freaked out a little then, asking if he wanted to stop. Taehyun reassured him that he didn't - he couldn't be blamed if his feelings got the best of himself at such an intimate moment - and the rest had been absolutely wonderful.

Taehyun looks back at Soobin, his dark clothes such a contrast to what he'd seen of him, all pale skin, all his.

Soobin seems to feel his stare because he looks back at him, smiles and leaves his hand between them, face up.

Taking a quick glance at the driver, Taehyun intertwines their fingers, squeezing softly. He thinks about arriving at the dorm and letting go of Soobin's hand. It's the worst thing he could imagine.

With his free hand, he unlocks his phone and, decidedly, sends Soobin a text with the words he is afraid to mutter out loud.

i want to tell the others about us

Chapter Text

"Did I miss something important last night?"

Taehyun is facing a very confused, very erratic Soobin. The dorm was empty when they arrived, thankfully, since Soobin dragged him to his bedroom as soon as they arrived. Not to kiss or do anything inappropriate, but to talk.

Taehyun frowns. "No? Why would you say that?"

Soobin crosses his arms, closing in on himself, unusual for him. "Not to bring it back but, a couple of months ago we were this close to being over because you didn't want anyone to know about us."

Taehyun looks down as he feels the sting of those words. He's not wrong, of course, but he didn't expect to hear it spelled out for him, not from Soobin. He holds back the urge to shut up and go away to regroup. It goes against anything his common sense yells at him, but Soobin's confusion makes him stay.

He doesn't want to hurt him again.

"Choi Soobin," Taehyun says, the full name strange on his tongue, fully aware that it will stop Soobin's train of thought. Soobin frowns and looks at him.

"Kang Taehyun? Now we're saying full names?"

"No, I..." Taehyun stops to gather a deep breath. "I'm fighting my impulse to run because I don't want to hurt you. And I'm telling you this because I need time to process my feelings."

Soobin lets his arms fall to his sides, his expression a little more understanding. "Okay, I can wait right here."

"Thank you." Taehyun rehearses his words over and over in his head, discarding one version after another after imagining what Soobin would do or say in response. When he finally has it, he takes a step closer to Soobin.

"I know I didn't want anyone to know about us, and what we have. That was true back then, but time has passed and my thoughts have changed some."

"How so?"

"I'm still not ready to think of what would happen if everyone knew about us. It scares me, if I think about it too much I can't even eat or sleep. But the guys... they're our friends. They're family... I think I could start by telling them.”

Taehyun's skin gets chills. He looks at Soobin's closed bedroom door, still debating whether or not it would be better to leave and return when he has his feelings in check.

"I loved what we did last night, and this morning too," he continues softly. "I wanted you so much, I still do even now. I didn't want to come back home because I wanted to keep holding your hand. I want us to cuddle and kiss, to have sex when we want to without having to lie to our closest friends and dorm mates, or having to fake we're travelling or dating other people." He finally uses the last of his air. "I just want to be with you, freely, at least when we're at home."

The tension leaves Soobin shoulders as he looks down. "I'm sorry I confronted you like that. I guess I remembered that time in the car and... I'd hate for something like that to happen again." He swallows thickly then raises his head to look at Taehyun. "I trust you, and I see your point." He walks closer to hold Taehyun. "We can totally do it."

Taehyun looks up at him. "Are you sure?"

Soobin nods, faking seriousness. "Oh, yes, you make really sound arguments. I also want to be with you when we're at home." He grabs his hips, pulling until their lower bodies are pressed together.

"You're so silly, hyung." Taehyun's inner tension breaks with his laugh, hugging Soobin's neck, standing on his toes to be closer to his eye level. "We need to move forward together; you know? If you need time to process anything at all you're free to ask for it."

"I know. I think I'd like to talk about that day, when I'm ready, if that's okay." Taehyun nods, as it was not surprising to him, then he pecks his lips. As they pull away, Soobin smiles sheepishly. "I'll make it up to you for being mean just now."

Taehyun raises his eyebrows. "How do you plan doing that?"

Soobin shrugs and grabs his thighs, hoisting him up. Taehyun yells and wraps his legs around Soobin's waist as he carries them to the bed.

"I think I have a few ideas.”

Chapter Text

There is something weird going on at the dorm. Everyone is starting to notice and Soobin does his best to pretend he and Taehyun aren't the reason behind it.

After they agreed to - eventually - reveal their relationship to the rest of their group, it was like a switch turned in Taehyun's head.

The same afternoon they return from the hotel, Soobin takes a seat on the couch to give the others a censored version of how his day went. He doesn't expect Taehyun to plop carelessly next to him and clutch to his arm. He even rests his head on Soobin's shoulder from time to time.

Fortunately, no one sees it as weird and they're able to go on with their conversation without a hitch, only with Soobin now slightly distracted by how openly affectionate Taehyun is being.

Hours later, when everyone is getting ready to bed, Taehyun ambushes Soobin in the bathroom as he finishes brushing his teeth. He closes the door with a not-so-subtle slam then turns Soobin's body around and cages him against the sink. Soobin holds onto his toothbrush to keep it from clattering to the floor.

"What are you doing?" Soobin laughs incredulously.

Taehyun reaches up and wipes toothpaste from the corner of Soobin's mouth. "Just seeing what it'd be like," he whispers before raising his body, draping over Soobin's body and starting kissing him. Soobin gets a hand on the sink and the other on Taehyun's waist, holding him close at all times.

Getting lost in the kiss is easy, as Taehyun sighs over his lips with a smile, switching between soft pecks and longer, more intentional kisses.

Just as Soobin is thinking of moving his hand elsewhere, there is a knock on the door.

"Soobin?" Yeonjun's voice calls out. "Will you take long, bro? I thought you were just washing your teeth."

They pull apart quickly, hearts racing and faces flushed.

"Y-Yeah!" Soobin mutters, "Just a couple more minutes, please."

Yeonjun huffs outside, but Soobin hears him walking away. "Hurry up," is the last thing he hears.

Chapter Text

Soobin and Taehyun are plotting inside Taehyun’s car. The task to not kiss instead is proving difficult, but the space between their seats is barrier enough for the moment.

"Should we take this one at the time?" Taehyun wonders out loud.

He nods. "I think that's best. I don’t think I can handle explaining all of this four times."

Taehyun hums, then nods. "Yeah, me neither."

Another issue arises. "And what exactly are we going to say?"

"That we're in a relationship," Taehyun starts. "That it's serious. That we've thought about it and..."

Soobin finishes for him. "That we love each other."

Taehyun reddens. "Do we have to?"

That makes him smile. "Taehyun, I'd yell it from a rooftop if I could. Of course we have to tell them."

"Aish," Taehyun looks out the window. Soobin knows he's just trying to hide his embarrassment, so he holds his hand across the console as he goes through it.

"It's gonna go well, I'm sure," he sighs deeply. "To be honest, I'm still very scared, but I want to do this."

Taehyun turns to look at him with confused eyes. "Why are you scared? You sounded so confident a minute ago."

It doesn’t take too much to let out his concerns, looking down at their joined hands. "I'm scared they might be disappointed. Since I'm the leader, you know? Even if I wish everyone could know, I know we're doing something risky... I guess I'm scared they'll believe I'm being irresponsible."

He feels Taehyun raising his head gently with his free hand. When he sees him, Taehyun has his body angled to face him, his face serious.

"We chose you for a reason. I think your love life has nothing to do with your leader duties." Taehyun shrugs. "If you think about it, no matter who you had chosen, because of our work line, it would always carry the same risks, right? Down the line, any of us could've brought forward the same type of risk." Taehyun now sounds oddly passionate, his usually controlled words conceding space to some raw emotion.

"Honestly? Even if we never thought this would happen, I'm lucky you ended with me, of all people. We can tell them the pros of dating a bandmate – the inner management, dates at home, the free fan service, whatever it takes. But they will not think you're being irresponsible. I wouldn't let them even if they tried."

Soobin feels his eyes sting as the words continue, his heart relieved but feeling too much, too fast. "You have no idea how much I needed to hear that."

He sees Taehyun throwing himself towards Soobin, hugging him with a tight squeeze. Soobin feels weird being on the inner side of the hug, but the pressure relaxes him. After a minute, Taehyun holds his cheek, kisses the other, then their foreheads bump together, his eyes glassy as he sees Taehyun say, "I'm sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

Chapter Text

Everyone is sitting on the couch. The TV is off, an air humidifier buzzes softly in another room. Soobin is sitting on a chair in front of them.

Taehyun feels incredibly awkward but prepared. It only took him a full week rehearsing this moment over and over in front of the mirror.

Soobin, on the other hand, doesn’t look ready at all, his face pale and knees bouncing restlessly. At his own request, Taehyun had to settle next to his bandmates — it's going to be painfully obvious what it's about if you're next to me holding my hand, he'd said — but he wishes he could at least press his leg against Soobin's to help him soothe and relax.

"Everyone," Soobin's voice cracks and he clears his throat. "I have a few announcements to make."

"Are you sick?" Yeonjun asks.

"No?"

"Then what are you so serious for?" he exclaims, relaxing on the couch. "You had me scared for a moment there."

Soobin laughs nervously. "Right, sorry. I'm not sick, don't worry. It's just..." he breathes deeply. "I'm dating someone. Or it's more like... I'm in a relationship. With someone."

There's two seconds of silence before the familiar hollers of friendly banter begin. Taehyun watches Soobin being bombarded with questions.

"For how long?"

"You had it well hidden!"

"How long have you known each other?"

"Do we know your girlfriend? Is she close to us?"

"Please tell me you're not dating my sister..."

Soobin stammers. "No... No, none of that! I-"

He looks helplessly at Taehyun. He raises his eyebrows as if asking Do we do it my way now?, and at the barely there nod, He gets up to stand behind Soobin, his hands firm on his shoulders.

He squares up and lets out what he had memorized... slightly modified due to Soobin's previous words, silencing the incoming questions.

"There's no girlfriend. He's dating a man. Me, to be precise. If you think about it, it's not that surprising because we're awful at this subtlety thing." And finally. "Not just a crush. We're in love."

Chapter Text

It's unusually silent as they eat. The food is delicious, there's no denying it. If only their friends could stop looking at them as if waiting for something to happen.

They'd moved from their spots in the living room when their takeout arrived, wordlessly moving to their seats at the dining table.

Soobin assumes no one is angry, at least. Anger wouldn't wait, and someone angry would refuse to eat with him... right?

He looks to his left at Taehyun, who is chewing his food nonchalantly. He is the image of impassiveness, like he'd forgotten how he left everyone speechless after he spoke. Taehyun swallows his food and smiles softly at him. Soobin smiles back on instinct, despite his nerves.

He looks at the rest, trying to find a hint on their faces as he meets their eyes. Yeonjun raises both eyebrows, too busy eating to show an emotion with his face. Huening Kai does so similarly, as he keeps looking around, very similar to Soobin, but doesn’t seem to be acting out of the ordinary.

Beomgyu isn't looking at them. His head and eyes are set down to his food. Soobin feels his worries return tenfold, his appetite disappearing in seconds.

"Beomgyu," he says quietly, his almost-whisper shattering the silence. "Are you okay?"

Beomgyu hums. Soobin spots Taehyun frowning at him. "Beomgyu-hyung," Taehyun looks at him. "What's up?"

Beomgyu scoffs, the sound more hurt than angry. "Excuse me," he says, standing up to leave the room. Soobin watches him go, his body deflating.

"What's up with him?"

Someone asks what he's already thinking. Soobin looks around helplessly, not knowing the answer.

It's Yeonjun who finally sets things straight. "For the record, I don't think any of us are against you. Personally, I kind of saw it coming. As Taehyung said, you guys aren't subtle at all."

Huening Kai chimes in. "I didn’t notice at all. But it's okay, you know? I don’t think it's weird, and you should be able to be yourselves at home, right? I'm all for that."

Soobin smiles thankfully but then looks at the empty chair. "Then Beomgyu..."

Taehyun, who had been just observing until now looks at him, eyes kind but honest.

"Soobin, Beomgyu-hyung is upset because you two are friends, and you left him out of this."

The silence settles back on the table, Soobin thinking about whether he's been a good friend lately or not.

Chapter Text

"What's this? An intervention?"

Soobin enters Beomgyu's bedroom without knocking, Taehyun following behind him.

Despite his lack of greeting, Beomgyu makes room for them on his bed, the three of them sitting crossed-legged, facing each other.

Taehyun starts the conversation, going right into it. "You're mad you didn’t know before, right?"

"No..." Beomgyu turns to the side before something switches and he turns back to them to complain, his voice whiny. "Maybe a little, but come on! We tell each other everything, why did you keep it a secret? Did you think we would like... hate you or something?"

"No! None of that," Soobin pauses. "Well, maybe I thought you would be against it at first, but that's just me being insecure."

"It wasn't always this stable." Both Soobin and Beomgyu turn their heads to look at Taehyun. "I was afraid of what would happen if someone from outside knew about us and I insisted on being discreet." He reaches out to grab Soobin's hand, the gesture surprising him, still not used to not have to think about when and where it was allowed to show affection. "We had a bit of a bad time before I got my mess together." Taehyun looks directly at Beomgyu. "So if you didn’t know from the moment it started, it's probably because of me."

Beomgyu looks quietly at both of them, their joined hands and back up. "And when did it start, exactly?"

Beomgyu leans his body forward, as if eager to know, which makes Soobin relax. "You're not mad anymore?"

"Oh, I'll hold a grudge for the rest of today, hyung, but I really, really want to know, so I'm pausing it."

The three of them laugh at that. Soobin pushes Beomgyu by the shoulder, almost making him fall off the bed. After receiving the same treatment, they spend the rest of the evening sharing the details of their love story so far, unaware of their other two friends eavesdropping right outside the door.