Archive of Our Own ^beta

Tsumiki’s palms were slick with sweat. She gulped down the lump of apprehension that had built in her throat. She couldn’t make a mistake, couldn’t falter, but the sweat on her hands and the way they trembled made her job so much more difficult than it would be if she was someone more competent, someone stronger, someone-

“Ah, Tsumiki?” 

Tsumiki yelped, and in her shock, shook the ladder that Komaeda was standing on. He gripped onto it, counterbalanced, and the legs of the ladder hit the floor safely again. 

“S-Sorry, K-Komaeda.” 

“You looked so lost in thought, I’m not surprised. Please, try to pay attention.” 

Tsumiki blushed at the scolding, “I-I am p-p-paying attention. I-I was s-s-scared I was going to h-h-hurt you, somehow.”

“Well, that’s inevitable, really. With the two of us together, something’s bound to go wrong. Though, I am glad I proved how good I am at cleaning and decorating in the eyes of everyone that they entrusted me with this again!”

Komaeda chuckled, bright and cheery. It fell flat on Tsumiki. She caught the jab at an old wound Komaeda attempted to make, but she was long past suffering over any events in the Neo World Program that weren’t her sins to bear. For the others, it was different, and a careless joke like that would have (and had, many times) caused a real upset. All Tsumiki could focus on was how he’d left out all the effort she’d put into cleaning with that statement. She wanted to stand up for herself, but it seemed more hassle than it was worth. Arguing with Komaeda was so tiring, and she did enough of that when she was his nurse.

“All that aside, could you pass me the other set of lights? These ones are broken.” 

“O-Oh…Um…” Tsumiki tentatively let go of the ladder, like somehow the moment she let go, the whole thing would collapse, and Komaeda would break his back and she’d have to deal with him paralysed on top of everything else.

Though, now that she thought about it, maybe that wouldn’t be all that bad-

No, she wasn’t supposed to be thinking like that anymore. 

She shook the thoughts of a fully dependent Komaeda away and started looking through the box of decorations the island had gathered together to decorate the Old Building for Christmas day. 

The reality of such a situation wouldn’t be as sweet as her fantasies made it out to be anyway. If Hinata really did come back this Christmas like he’d said he would, any chance of him having a good time would be completely ruined by something like that. If there was one thing Tsumiki liked more than having someone beneath her thumb, it was Hinata’s smile and Hinata’s attention. Neither would be achievable if Komaeda was suddenly unable to move from the neck down. 

She really did hope Hinata came back this Christmas. Everyone had been antsy all week, with anxieties only peaking the closer to the big day they got. It was the reason they were going so all out this year. It was a triple celebration, a celebration of Hinata’s return, a celebration of Christmas, and a pre-celebration for Hinata’s birthday. He’d been gone for so long, a year, maybe more. Although it made her secretly bitter to acknowledge, she knew she wasn’t the only one missing him. Though he did a good job of keeping that trademark, carefree smile in place, Tsumiki knew that maybe, out of all of them, Komaeda was missing him the most. 

She twisted her lip at the thought. It was a conflicting thing, because maybe more than anyone else, Tsumiki understood how Komaeda felt completely. She knew how hard it was to keep going without your someone by your side, how lovely it was to have them, how painful those memories became when they were gone. Tsumiki knew that everything Komaeda did, he did for him and for the day that he’d see him again, because Tsumiki had been the same.

That was just the problem. It was hard, even with all this understanding Tsumiki had of how Komaeda must be feeling to really feel bad for him at all. One day, Komaeda’s love would come home, and all his lonely nights and all the wishing and all his yearning will be rewarded. Tsumiki was never going to see her love again. She wasn’t even allowed to mourn her. 

Tsumiki sighed. These petty thoughts would get her nowhere, and really, would only serve to hurt her more. Tsumiki didn’t want to hurt today. She’d spent too long hurting.

She turned back to Komaeda, fussing with the edge of her tartan skirt like a child. She’d dressed up for the party, Mahiru had helped her choose an outfit. She was thankful for it, she wasn’t good at making herself look nice, but now she thought she did look quite lovely. Komaeda had done the same, in a cord knit turtleneck and well-fitting jeans, Tsumiki thought he looked like a fashion model. 

“Um…K-Komaeda…T-There a-aren’t any o-other lights in the b-box…” 

“Ah.” was all Komaeda said. Despite everything, the slight rejection twisted Tsumiki’s stomach into sickening knots.

“S-S-Sorry!” she gurgled, an automatic response she only realised she’d fallen on once it was already out of her mouth. 

Komaeda chuckled, “Did you hide the other lights?” Tsumiki shook her head, and Komaeda shrugged and started wrapping the lights back up, “Then it’s a waste of an apology. We’ll just have to think of something else. What a pain…”

Komaeda started making his way back down the ladder. In a panicked flurry, Tsumiki rushed the steady the ladder to help him climb down it safely. 

Tsumiki would’ve thought she’d have learnt her lesson by now. 

She overshot her lunge and crashed into the ladder, tipping it and Komaeda over with it. The lights flew in the air as Komaeda tried to steady himself, and in her own scramble to save them, only made everything worse. 

Koizumi and Mioda came barging into the room at the sound of the terrible crescendo of clanging and crashing that they caused, and were greeted, as always, to a sight that was beyond reasonable explanation. In their fall, Komaeda had ended up face down, ass up, with Tsumiki placed in the most compromising position she could be; directly behind him, hips to ass, bent over him with her hands on the floor above his shoulders, with the broken Christmas lights wrapped all around them to keep them firmly in place. 

“Seriously?!” Koizumi yelled in disbelief from the door, and the loud sound of her shouting officially pushed Tsumiki over the edge, and she started to cry. Koizumi ran over to them with Mioda close behind her, “I leave you two alone for two seconds! TWO SECONDS!” 

“Wow you guys REALLY took it seriously when Sagashi told you to find a way to get along. UWAA! Ibuki is so jealous! Mikan, can Ibuki be next?!” That only made Tsumiki’s embarrassment deepen. But Mioda didn’t notice and kept on laughing. Her attempts to untangle the lights seemed more like she was just playing with them. She wasn’t taking this seriously at all. 

“P-P-PLEASE!”

Koizumi, despite her anger, bent to Tsumiki’s begging. Her caring, soft words of encouragement soothed her, and Tsumiki found it a little easier to breathe between hiccupping sobs despite how much shame she felt with everything that was going on. 

“At least this position is familiar to me!” Koizumi stopped untangling the lights to whack Komaeda hard across the head. Mioda laughed so hard that she had to stop untangling the lights because she was only making the situation worse. Tsumiki could do nothing but cry. 

“Oh!” 

Komaeda’s sound of surprise made her open her teary eyes, and what she saw surprised her crying away.

Komaeda held up a loose end of the lights that had been untangled from around his chest, “The lights are fixed! How lucky!” 

Koizumi smacked him again, and Tsumiki, more than ever, couldn’t wait for Hinata to get home. 

-

“Nidai, mash these potatoes for me, and add the milk and butter, don’t hold back.” 

“On it! HYAAAAAA!” 

Sagashi felt the hair on the back of his neck rise. They spun and smacked the knife in his hand down onto the chopping board hard enough it embedded itself inside it. Oowari scrambled back with a yelp. When she checked and saw she still had all her fingers, she pouted heavily,

“I thought you said I was the official ‘Christmas Dinner Taste Tester’!”

“You are.” they ground out, “And last I remembered, you’d already taste tested this joint of pork five times.”

“But I wasn’t sure if it needed more cloves the last time-”

“It has enough cloves.” They said sternly, and there was no room for argument after that. 

But as harsh as they were being, seeing Oowari deflate and pout wasn’t what their goal had been, and they didn’t want to kick her out of the kitchen when they’d promised she could stay there. 

“Make yourself useful and put the parsnips in the oven.” They said and turned back to the gravy they were stirring. Oowari brightened and skipped over to the tin that held enough parsnips covered in honey to feed a small village, “Without tasting them!”

“UGH! This is so lame. I thought you’d be on my side with this.”

“Maybe normally, but this isn’t normal, and I’m not serving this dinner if its anything less than perfect, and if there’s no pork and parsnips left because you’ve eaten them all, it won’t be perfect.”

“He’s got you there, Akane.” Nidai chimed in. 

“Shut up.” Oowari glowered back. 

“Come on, where’s your Christmas spirit!” Nidai asked, voice booming in a jolly fashion. 

“Eat my ass, coach.” Oowari growled, then threw the parsnips into the oven and shut the door with much more force than was necessary. Sagashi almost said something, but a timer went off and distracted them. 

They’d had many moments over the last year where they had really appreciated how useful Hinata could be. With all the skills he possessed, he was as reliable and dependable as they came. Of course, they’d all survived fine without him, but hell if everything wasn’t easier when he was around. Sagashi thought that he understood them, and maybe, with all his versatility with his talents, he was one of the only people who could.

Hinata understood what it was like to have to change in quick time between one hat and another. Sagashi had never had to try and be competent at this many skills at one time in all their life. They were much more used to choosing a hat, wearing it, and perfecting it. They’d thought that the freedom to change, to be whatever was needed whenever it was needed would be a freeing experience. For a while, it had. Today, they were starting to feel the strain. But maybe that was the pressure they were putting on themselves. 

Hinata was coming home, and there was no one they wanted to prove themselves to more than Hinata. If only in part to maybe ease his worries while he was away, to show that they have it covered, that they can be trusted and were capable. 

If they couldn’t even pull off something as simple as a Christmas dinner, they’d never try and wear the Ultimate Chef ever again and would probably follow Hinata right off the island and into a newer, deeper isolation away from everyone. 

“NIDAI, STOP LETTING HER EAT THE MASH!” 

“Shit! He found us out.”

Oowari looked at him with wide eyes and a mouth smeared with creamy mash, and Sagashi’s stomach growled with jealousy. 

“At least give me some to try too.”

“THAT’S THE SPIRIT!” Nidai’s laugh boomed, and Oowari smiled with all her teeth as she shoved an overflowing spoonful of mash into their face. Any annoyance Sagashi might have felt seeped away. 

The mash was really good. 

-

He knew he should’ve booked Christmas off. He knew it. But being a bachelor without any kids meant his coworkers really guilted him about wanting the day off when they all had children and families to be with. He had a family too, and friends he was supposed to be celebrating with. But all that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. As much as he complained, he knew it was better that he was here than to leave some poor child without their parents for Christmas. But that was before he was faced with hell in the form of this 12-hour hospital shift. 

It felt like everything was going wrong. Supplies were down, but supplies were always down. That was just the baseline for working in a hospital post-Tragedy. That, combined with the low staffing problem made every single shift a different type of difficult. But someone had to do it, and he happened to be one of those someone’s. He didn’t know if it was the date, or the weather, or maybe it was the full moon, but today had been a particularly nasty type of difficult that had made him feel like he was 12 hours deep 3 hours into his shift. He threw away the idea of quitting nicotine next year. Smoke breaks were the only sanctuary he’d allow himself on shifts like today where an hour’s lunch was a concept he could only laugh at. 

2 nurses were sick, with 3 wards with at least one patient each on hourly checks due to the state of their health and the rest on their way to following suit, and no manager to turn to for help because tonight he was the manager. The only thing he’d been betting on was the shipment of drugs that was supposed to be arriving today that would help ease the strain a little. The most critical patients were in dire need of anti-biotics, and he knew one of them was at risk of turning septic without it. All this on his mind and he’d checked his phone while running from one ward to the next to see an email announcing a delay in the shipment due to the state of the roads. This much snow wouldn’t have been a problem before the Tragedy. Thoughts like that only made everything feel heavier.

He’d taken his smoke break earlier than usual after that. In the loading bay, as usual, where no one would look for him and far enough from the wards he wouldn’t be able to hear that nagging beeping that was slowly driving him mad. 

He was halfway through his cigarette when a delivery driver arrived. So lost in his anxieties, he went through the motions of signing and thanking the driver without even really processing what was happening. As the driver (singular, where the hell were his loading team?) starting hauling boxes from the back of the van that he thought to look through the stock he’d just signed off. 

The cigarette he’d been smoking dropped from his lips. 

“All done.” The driver announced with a tip of his cap. 

He checked the list again. Then once more. 

The shipment had arrived. Not just what they’d ordered, but enough to last them into the New Year. 

“Merry Christmas.” said the driver.

“Y- Yeah. Yeah.” he replied, and for the first time all night, he smiled, “Merry Christmas.” 

He didn’t even light another cigarette. He didn’t think he needed it anymore. 

-

Despite all of Koizumi’s worrying, dinner was served, everyone was sat, and everyone, even Saionji, was having a good time. Or maybe that was doing her an injustice. It was more likely because of all her worrying. Though, she was sure none of the others would understand that, and just say she liked having an excuse to nag them. She would say that maybe if they could act like adults and not like a room of unmedicated pre-teens on a sugar high for five seconds, maybe she wouldn’t have to nag them so much. 

Sonia shoved a glass into her hand, 

“Mahiru, you have such a pretty face, I don’t want to see you get pre-mature wrinkles!” Sonia insisted. In the light, her dangly earrings twinkled, “Though, there is this old trick the ladies in Novoselic used to use to get rid of wrinkles using the slime from a slug, I can show you if you like!” 

Koizumi smiled tightly, “No, Sonia, that’s okay. Thank you, though.”

“Then relax! It’s Christmas!” Sonia pushed the glass of wine in her hands closer to her mouth. That made Koizumi finally give up and break out in a smile. She pushed away Sonia’s hands, laughing the whole time. She took a long sip of the wine, resisted spitting it out (it tasted just about as good as she expected with Ibuki as its creator), swallowed it like a rock, and breathed. 

Sonia was right. She needed to relax now everything was done. After much deliberation, Sagashi, Sonia and herself had agreed that a buffet situation was the easiest way to deal out the food. That way, once food was on the table, they didn’t have to worry about anything else, and it was up to everyone to sort themselves out. Though, they decided to sit together this time, with the food on the table in front of them. Too many similarities to that first party in the Program and Koizumi thought her stomach would be too tight to eat anything. 

But The Program and the Killing School Trip were the farthest thing from her mind at the moment. It made a change. She indulged in it.

Even with Sonia’s orders to relax, Koizumi kept an eye on Oowari and Komaeda for two completely conflicting reasons. Though, it seems she didn’t need to. Souda and Kuzuryu were already double-teaming Komaeda, hounding him for the very small and bland plate he’d made for himself and it seemed peer pressure was working. Pekoyama was strategically moving plates away from Oowari once she’d taken enough, and Mioda was distracting Sagashi enough that they were more focused on stopping her from stealing their food than overeating. 

Music was playing, the Christmas lights were flashing, food had been served, everyone was dressed in their Sunday best, no one had gotten seriously hurt and any fires that they’d made had been small and easily put out with a fire extinguisher. Most importantly, everywhere she looked there was a smile. 

It was perfect. 

Or it would be. 

The empty seat next to Komaeda was an elephant sized stain on the entire evening. It made the wine in her mouth taste even more bitter than it already did. It was the only thing that turned her off from taking a photo in commemoration.

Koizumi would’ve thought, with all that talent he supposedly now possessed, Hinata would’ve become even a little bit more reliable than he had been as a lazy teenage boy in the Neo World Program. As it stood, it seemed all the talent in the world couldn’t make a man step up and be on time to an important event. It was completely and utterly hopeless. And men were supposed to be the ones running the world? It honestly made Koizumi laugh. 

Maybe that was unfair. She was sure whatever was holding Hinata up was important. It’s not exactly like he’d exiled himself from everyone for the fun of it. If his letters and the news articles she’d read of a “Mysterious Hero” going about restoring hope to the world after the Tragedy was anything to go by, Hinata was doing a lot. Probably too much. She couldn’t wait until he got here so she could chew his ear off about overworking himself. 

And she just had the nerve to call him unreliable. Well, he still was. He could be both. He was to her. Maybe that was his real talent, being the perfect guy to just really get under Koizumi’s skin. In another life, one where she actually held any sort of attraction towards men, she might have fallen in love with him. Hell, sometimes, she wasn’t entirely certain she hadn’t in this one. 

She drank her wine and ate her first mouthful of food, and instantly felt her face relax from its pinched, annoyed expression. Oowari hadn't been exaggerating. It was really good. 

“Mahiru!” Hiyoko called sweetly, “Pull a cracker with me!” 

Koizumi quickly swallowed the food in her mouth, wiped off her hands and grabbed the end of the cracker that was being waved in her face. They pulled and it broke with a bang. Down the table, she heard Tsumiki squeal. 

“Aw! Mahiru! You were supposed to let me win!” 

“Better luck next time.” Koizumi grinned. But still, she unfolded the hat, an orange one, and placed it on Hiyoko’s head, “Orange isn’t my colour.” 

Hiyoko’s face sparkled, “Thank you, Mahiru! You’re the best!” 

She put thoughts of Hinata to the side. At the end of the day, either he’d show up or he wouldn’t. For now, she wanted to enjoy everyone’s hard work for what it was. 

-

“Excuse me?” 

“Alright? Need seconds? There’s plenty of food to go around.” 

“No, no, I’m fine. I just wanted to thank the gentleman who was speaking to me earlier.” 

“Aw, awesome! I saw you talking to someone, did you have a good conversation?”

“Yeah, yeah, I did, actually. See, I’m sure this isn’t the first time you’ve heard this, but nothing’s been right since the Tragedy. You must’ve been so young when it was happening, but me, my life was perfect before it. Then it happened, and I lost my house and maybe that I could deal with, but losing my wife,” he blew a huff of air, “Out of everything, that was the thing that really ruined me. Fucked me up big time. Been using drugs and all sorts to get through it.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry…That’s- that’s really rough.” 

“I was thinking of ending it, you know.” 

The girl didn’t look shocked; she didn’t look scared. But her mouth tightened, and he saw in her eyes a simple and open understanding.

“I came here to have one last Christmas. I was almost too embarrassed to come to something like this. I don’t believe in hand outs, I believe in earning what you get. Then I thought, what the fuck, I’ll be dead by next week anyway. But after talking to that guy…I don’t think I’m as sure about it as I was when I walked in here.”

“Woah, that’s-that’s amazing. Oh, I’m so happy to hear that. I’m sure he’d be happy to hear that too, to know that he’d made such an impact. Tell me his name and I’ll pass the message on.” 

“Well, that’s just the thing! He never told me!” 

“Hm, that’s weird. All our volunteers should be wearing a name badge, was he wearing one?” 

“No, I didn’t see one.”

“...Are you sure he was one of our volunteers?”  

“He had brown hair, tall guy. Young, maybe about your age, it was hard to tell. Had something wrong with his eyes.” 

“Hmm…that’s strange. I don’t think there's anyone who’s volunteering today looks like that.” 

“Oh…” 

“Hey, why don’t you stay a little longer? Have another mince pie, let’s find somewhere warm to sit and have a chat, yeah? It’s gotten so cold all of a sudden, hasn’t it?”

-

“Shit! Fuck! Bollocks!” 

Souda winced, “That’s a whole lotta swears, Princess.” 

“God damn son of a bitch!” 

“Y-You gonna explain or just keep swearing?”

Sonia shoved a small scrap of paper into Souda’s face. He blinked, leaned away, then tentatively took the paper from Sonia’s hands and adjusted his glasses to give it a closer look,

“Oh. Oh…” 

Swearing was completely unbecoming of a lady. But Sonia only swore if the situation required it, and right now, the situation was more than needing a couple, if not a few, hard expletives. It clashed with the mood of the room. The warm lighting sparkled off the Christmas tree behind them, decorated so heavily it was hard to tell there was a tree underneath it at all. Crowded at its base, completing the scene, was the pile of gifts everyone had gathered for their Secret Santa, each wrapped in unique ways, some that gave nothing away, others wrapped in such a way that it was completely obvious who the giftee had been. 

Sonia had been admiring the gifts. She had originally planned for gifts to be given before food. Then, Hinata hadn’t arrived, so she moved it to after food. Now, Sonia was starting to worry about how long she could push it back before people got annoyed. She’d already had a good few people come up and ask when the gifts were being given, and once she’d had to scare away a plotting Oowari and Mioda who had tried to sneak their gifts early. 

In an effort to feel like she was doing something productive to help calm her building anxieties, Sonia had counted the gifts. Then, she’d counted them again, because the number wasn’t right. Then, she counted them a third time. Three times the number came up short. She looked in the hat they’d chosen the names from. That was when she’d started swearing. 

“No one’s drawn Komaeda for the ‘Secret Santa’! He’s not gotten a gift! Cocksucker! Motherfucker! Tits!” 

Souda scratched his hair, completely uncaring for how he was messing up the small ponytail he’d brushed it into. Sonia had appreciated the effort he’d put into doing his hair. She’d hesitated on telling him, not wanting to risk the pleasant relationship they’d managed to build with a compliment like that too early on. “Oooohhh man. That’s really annoying.” Souda moaned, “He’s really going to bring the mood down when he finds out. How the hell did that even happen?” 

“I don’t know!” Sonia was nearly hysterical, “Fucking cunting bastard!” 

“Everyone’s drawn a name,” Souda repeated, only adding annoyance to her anxiety, “How the hell is Komaeda’s name left?” 

“Tis a simple quandary.” From the shadows, His Dark Highness, Gundham Tanaka, arose, “A question I thought even a surf like you would be able to inspire an answer to. “

Souda scoffed, “Well Sonia can’t figure it out either, jackass. That’s your lady you’re bad mouthing, y’know?”

“Her Dark Highness need not worry herself with questions so trivial when she has spent so much energy conjuring up this sacrificial ritual to the Spirits of Yuletide!” 

“One, the name Her Dark Highness is totally stupid- No offence, Sonia. Two, no one thinks you’re cool.”

“I beg to differ.” 

“Then beg, asshole! And tell us how this happened!” 

Gundham paused, and if the slight raise of his bald eyebrow was anything to go by, Sonia thought he might’ve actually been impressed by that comeback. Folding his arms and taking on an air of wise importance, he graced them with a hint, “Was Hinata not included in the drawing of names?” 

Sonia and Souda looked at each other, then back at Gundham.

“Oh…” they said in unison.

“Well.” Sonia smiled, her eyes squinting with how wide it got, and felt so happy and calm in her relief that it warmed her head to toe. “Then maybe this isn’t such a horrible mistake after all.”

“Thank God is all I can say. What the hell would you even get that guy as a present?”

“That cataclysm would likely weep with the thanks of a thousand destitute peasants at the feet of a generous King if given a particularly boring rock as an offering.” 

Souda snorted, “Okay, that was almost funny.” Souda scratched his head, “Ugh, man, when the hell is Hinata getting here? He better not flake out on us. I need to see him open his present. I made him something so cool, he’s going to be super impressed… or well, I hope he will be.”

Sonia sighed. She felt the same. Time was getting on, and she didn’t like to think that Hinata would be someone who would break a promise. She cupped her hands over her chest to try and slow her heart, 

“I know it’s more than silly to worry, but I do hope his delay isn’t an omen.”

Gundham scoffed dramatically at the assertion, “Lay that worry aside, my Queen. For myself and The Being Of Many Heads have sealed a protective pact. If something may befall him, I would be the first to know. For who would not notice half of their soul being ripped asunder down the tides of the Nyx?” 

Souda squawked with indignation, “YOU would be the first to know?! No way in hell! I’d feel it way before you! Me and Hinata, we’re Soulbros. That’s actually a real bond, unlike your bullshit flouncy wizard act.” 

Sonia watched Gundham’s heckles rise, “You dare question the power of our spirit bond?!”

Sonia rubbed her forehead and sighed, “You two…You’re still like teenage boys, you know?”

Whatever comeback Souda had been about to spit died on his tongue, and he grinned boyishly instead, 

“Is that charming?”

“No. Absolutely not.” Souda’s smile dropped dead, “There is nothing less charming than a teenage boy!” Sonia insisted confidently. Souda harumphed, and Gundham looked away. She glanced between the two chastised men, and couldn't help her small smile, “But I suppose you’re both right. Maybe it’s superstition, but I also feel that if something bad had really happened to Hinata, I would know. I don’t think we made any sort of pact, but I believe it.”

Gundham smirked and huffed a short laugh, “That is ritual enough, my Queen.”

“You’re right Sonia. He’ll be here soon. Guy’s just being his usual cool self and showing up fashionably late.” Souda dropped his hand on her shoulder, gave her a thumbs up and smiled, “Keep your chin up.” 

For the first time in the entire time she’d known him, Sonia thought that Souda looked kind of cool. 

Wholly unaware (and therefore keeping the moment untainted), Souda clapped his hands and rubbed them together, “You know what will make us feel better? Alcohol. I’ll get us a drink. You still staying sober Tanaka?”

Gundham lifted his nose, and Sonia covered her mouth to hide a small giggle, “That elixir’s effect is nulled by the poison already coursing through my blood.” 

“I’ll just take that as a yes.” Souda replied dryly. He looked at Sonia expectantly. She looked at the presents, at the door, then relented. 

“Well, alright. One can’t hurt.” 

-

“Komaru! Komaru!” 

It seemed their ‘no barging into the hotel room without asking first’ rule had gone completely out the window. Komaru sat up in bed with sleep still blurring her vision to the sight of the four remaining ex-Warriors of Hope 

“Woah, woah kids, settle down.” Komaru’s voice cracked with sleep, “Where’s the fire? What’s going on?”

“Santa’s been!” Masaru shouted, bouncing himself on the end of the bed with his hands. 

“Santa?” 

Toko gurgled and slowly sat up, “Y-You’ve got to be k-kidding me…”

“Though I don’t know why Santa would come for a bunch of no good, rotten kids like us.” Jataro grumbled into his sweater sleeve. 

Komaru was sceptical. She certainly hadn’t gotten the kids any presents, and she knew that Toko definitely hadn’t. But they were much too excitable and wouldn’t back down no matter what. 

“W-What are you doing Komaru, g-get back to bed.”

“Come on, Toko. This feels different.” She said as she tied up her dressing gown, “Let’s see where this goes.” Komaru turned to face the children, all four of them vibrating like they were on a particularly nasty sugar high. Well, all except Nagisa, but Komaru could tell from the blush on his face that even he was excited. That sealed the deal. “Alright, show me what you mean.” 

Komaru followed them all the way from their room up to the floor where the children stayed. Toko was close behind her and caught up when they reached the stairwell. Komaru was half convinced this was probably going to be a very horrible and unfunny prank. But she’d also meant what she’d said to Toko. Something was different about the kids this time. Plus, she figured even if it was a prank, the kids wouldn’t leave them alone until they carried it out anyway. May as well get it over with. 

But it wasn’t a prank. There, in the lounge of the children’s hotel suite, was a sack. It had once been tied closed with a piece of string, but now it had been opened and tipped over, and spilling out were boxes of all shapes and sizes wrapped perfectly in colourful wrapping paper.

Komaru blinked, then blinked again. But the sack of presents was still there. 

Nagisa lagged back from the others, sticking to Komaru’s side and fussing with his sleep top nervously,

“This is seriously weird, right? This means someone’s broken in here. How the hell did anyone break in here? How did they even know we were here to give us these?” Nagisa’s anxiety turned to anger, and he turned his ire onto her, “You told us it was safe here. You promised we’d be safe! If you lied, I’ll-” 

Komaru rolled her eyes, “You’ll do what?”

Nagisa, for all his posturing, blushed and stepped back, “D-Don’t underestimate me!” 

Komaru held back her laughter. She knew he wouldn’t take it the right way. “Wouldn’t dream of it, kiddo.” she looked at the sack, at the presents the others started pulling from inside it, “But you’re right. It is strange...”

“Of course it is.” Nagisa insisted, then folded his arms and stuck his nose in the air confidently, “Santa isn’t real.”

“Hmm, you sure about that?” 

“Positive.” 

He did not sound positive. 

“Santa’s never come for me before!” Masaru said, his excitement much too large for his small body, as usual, as he grabbed the first gift he saw wrapped in red. 

“H-Hey,” Toko stepped forwards, but stayed behind Komaru, “B-Be careful, those things could be d-dangerous.” 

Komaru agreed. She stepped up and put a gentle hand on Masaru’s shoulder. He looked up at her with an angry pout. 

She smiled with apology, “Let me check it out first.” 

The kids groaned in frustration but stepped back and waited all the same. She stepped up to the sack and gave it a once over, looking for…something. She didn’t even know what she could find that would show that it was dangerous. But figured she should at least check. 

She pulled through the presents, until she reached the bottom, where she found a small, unassuming card, inside it was signed, “Big Brother?” Komaru looked at the kids, “You guys have a big brother?” 

The children shared a look between each other, like one of them would know something the others didn’t. They turned up blank.  

“Strange. What about that guy, uh, S-Servant?” Komaru hated calling him that. It made her feel gross. 

With the way the kids reacted you’d swear she’d just dumped a bucket of fish guts in front of them and said, ‘dinners up!’.

“Ewww.” they groaned in emphatic unison. 

“Absolutely not.” Nagisa ground out.

“No way I’d ever call a freak loser like that my brother.” Masaru shivered like something wet had slicked down his spine, “EUGH, it makes me feel bad just saying it. Why’d you make me say that?!”  

“He was like a little woodlouse to me.” Kotoko agreed with a simple and sweet tone, “Except woodlouse are way cuter!” 

“He smelled bad.” Jataro gurgled, “And that’s coming from me. He smelled even worse than Toko…” 

Toko startled like a cat sprayed with water, “O-Oi!” 

“Well, then, it’s a mystery.” Komaru said with a sigh. She thought about it for a moment. She realised that she had two options here: let these kids, kids who’d terrorised a whole city, who were recognisable, who likely had people who wanted to and could do them harm, open these mysterious presents that could have anything inside, or to take them away and check them herself just to be sure. Take presents away from these kids who had nothing. These kids, whose eyes were sparkling with the sort of childish glee she had never seen in them before. 

What type of monster could take a sack of presents away from kids on Christmas? 

“Just...be careful when you open them, okay?” 

They didn’t even give her time to finish her sentence before they were ripping through the gifts with reckless abandon. She went to protest; it got stuck in her throat. She resigned herself to whatever happened next. 

“‘O-Omaru, you’re being w-way too easy going about this.” Toko said around her thumb as she worried at it with her teeth. Her eyes switched nervously from looking at the kids to the bag of presents to the door, waiting for something to happen. 

“Hmm, maybe. But… I don’t know.” She looked at the card that came with the gifts again, and shrugged, “I just have a good feeling.” 

Toko didn’t look convinced, and if the way she was wringing her hands together was anything to go by, she was incredibly anxious about the whole situation, “Hm…Well, i-if you say so…” 

Komaru smiled and took Toko’s hands in hers to stop her anxious wringing. Toko froze up for a second, but relaxed just as quickly, adjusting to hold Komaru’s hand more comfortably. 

“We’ll report this to Makoto when we see him, just in case.” 

That seemed to ease some of Toko’s worry. And as more and more gift boxes were opened without a bomb or a poison or anything dead inside, she relaxed even further. She sat next to Komaru, and together they watched in happy silence as these horrible, nasty, no-good kids got to actually be kids for the first time in their entire lives. 

–

Across the room, Komaeda let out a loud and powerful sneeze. He was halfway through an apology when Tsumiki handed him a tissue and was checking his temperature. He brushed her hand away but accepted the tissue. It would’ve drawn Kuzuryu’s attention towards him, if his attention hadn’t already been firmly on Komaeda anyway. 

He looked at the clock. Not too late, but late enough. He eyed the bottle in front of him. He eyed the way Komaeda glanced to the door. One thing that Kuzuryu had always respected about Komaeda was his poker face, even if half the time, with his track history, it made him extremely off-putting. Even so, it took effort to be that unreadable. So, suffice to say, watching Komaeda let slip the saddest expression Kuzuryu thought he’d ever seen him make spoke volumes to what he must be feeling. As quick as it appeared it was gone, and Komaeda was back to business as usual and pulling out a chair near the table to sit down for a little bit on his own. 

“Fuck it.” he grumbled and snapped the plastic off the top of the bottle. “Komaeda!” Komaeda didn’t startle but froze like he’d got caught doing something wrong. He looked at Kuzuryu with wide blank eyes from across the room. Kuzuryu waved him over, “Get your skinny ass over here and drink with me.”

“Absolutely not!” Sagashi shouted.  

“You remember what happened last time-” Koizumi bemoaned. 

“K-Komaeda y-y-you know your m-medication-” Tsumiki stuttered. 

Komaeda shrugged, ignored everyone, and said happily, “Alright!”

“Damn Hinata, that bastard.” Kuzuryu grumbled as Komaeda took a seat opposite him. “To be late to something like this. It’s disrespectful! I don’t care what type of good work he’s doing out there; you make a promise you stick to it!”

“Aww do you miss him, Kuzuryu?” Komaeda teased. 

“Every god damn day. Hurts like hell.” 

Komaeda seemed taken aback. Kuzuryu didn’t care. In his books, there was absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. He had way too many other things to be ashamed of. His love and care for Hinata, after everything they’d been through together, it should’ve been a given. If he were in a worse mood, he might have been offended by Komaeda even suggesting he’d get embarrassed by him pointing out something like that. Out of the few people he had left in his life, Hinata was one of the most important. He’d made the mistake of not appreciating the people he loved before it was too late too many times. His sister, Pekoyama. Kuzuryu may be many things, but a fool wasn’t one of them. He’d learnt from his mistakes this time. He was never going to feel like that again. 

Komaeda looked at the glass of whiskey Kuzuryu had forced onto him. 

“He’s my brother. We made a pact on that island. God knows that that pact has kept me alive through the worst of it this year. I miss him like I’ve never missed no one before. Fuck I missed Peko after…Well, you know. But this is different. It’s making me itchy.” 

That made Komaeda giggle, and for some reason, Kuzuryu kind of started to understand what Hinata might see in him. He shook it off. 

“And the bastard knows that, and he still has the gall to keep me waiting. I’ve been saving this drink for him but, fuck it, he’s taken too fuckin’ long and I’m sick of looking at it. The smell is making me queasy.”

“So… you want me to do it instead?” Komaeda asked slowly, staring at Kuzuryu with that wide, unnerving stare, the one he had in the trials, the one where once, Kuzuryu had watched him and counted a whole minute before he saw him blink. 

Did he really just think this guy was cute before this? Maybe smelling the alcohol was enough to give him some sort of buzz.  

Komaeda continued, the awed tone in his voice only increasing, “You really want to drink with me? Your first drink?” He stopped talking. Just…stared. Kuzuryu didn’t know what he wanted him to say, but he kept silent and kept his poker face strong even if he felt himself starting to sweat. No way he was going to be out done by Komaeda in that department, not on is family’s name. Then, out of nowhere, Komaeda snapped out of it. With a small smile, he hunched further over the cup in his hand, and nearly hugged it, “Kuzuryu,” Kuzuryu didn’t like how he said his name. Komaeda looked up at him through his eyelashes, and suddenly, the room got a little bit hotter, “Keep this up and I might fall in love with you.”

If the glass in his hand had been of worse quality, Kuzuryu was sure it would’ve broken in his grasp. “Don’t make me fucking regret this you freak.” 

“I’m really honoured.” Komaeda insisted. And despite it all, Kuzuryu believed he was being genuine. 

“Well…You look like you need it.”

For how bad he was at reading Komaeda on a good day, when he got like this, his face a complete blank slate, it was somehow easier. It was a sign that Komaeda was taking whatever Kuzuryu just said and running off with the fairies about it in his head in some bizarre way that Kuzuryu would likely never be able to properly understand. 

“Don’t think about it too hard.” he waved his glass of whiskey to brush away whatever Komaeda was focusing on, “Plus, you and him, you’re a…thing or whatever. Having a drink with you is basically like drinking with him.” 

Somehow, it seemed like the right thing to say. Kuzuryu knew, because Komaeda suddenly looked way too happy. It was creepy. Kuzuryu didn’t think it would ever not be creepy.   Before he could say anything and ruin it, Kuzuryu hooked his arm with Komaeda’s and said, “Cheers.”

“Ch-Cheers.” 

They drank, Kuzuryu downed his in one and winced at the taste. Komaeda managed a good sip, but it started running down the side of his face and he choked. Kuzuryu smacked his back as he coughed and laughed, and Kuzuryu hoped that it was enough to maybe help Komaeda enjoy all of this a little bit more than he had been, even without Hinata here. 

-

As with every Christmas before it, except for during the Tragedy, and as would be every Christmas after, the train station was ferociously busy. All the trains due that day had arrived on time, even with the weather. It had been going well.

Too well.

The last train of the day, as with every Christmas before it, and as would be with every Christmas to come after, was the busiest of all the journeys the trains would take on Christmas day. 

So of course, it was the only train to suffer delays the entire day. 

Despair had been conquered, but that didn’t mean it had died. Small pockets of clinging despair followers hid in the dark corners of society. They rarely did much, but when they did, they did everything they could do to make it matter. 

None had prevailed so far, not to the scale they wanted. They never would. Never again. 

The conductor slowed the shinkansen to a stop. He announced a small delay over the speakers. A cow had walked onto the tracks up ahead, and they were waiting for it to clear. 

A father sat anxiously at his window seat. He’d felt so lucky. He’d booked his ticket last minute, yet managed to bag one of the few, sought-after seats on the train where you could see Mount Fuji. Things like that never happened to him. He took it as a good omen for a good year to come. He shifted the present on his lap. He hadn’t seen his daughter in a while. He hoped she still liked these types of dolls. The last time they’d talked on the phone she said she did, but children could be so fickle. 

The delay continued. He checked his watch and sighed. It wasn’t that big of a deal, but he just wanted to arrive. He’d already had to disappoint his daughter by missing out on an earlier train. This would only sour things further. He was supposed to be making things up to her, for how distant he’d been this year. It wouldn’t be the same next year; he’d make sure of it. He just had to prove it to her. 

A half hour later, the train continued as normal. The whole carriage let out a sigh. A businesswoman took a quiet call on her phone, informing her business partner she was back on track. A baby in the back cried. A tourist sighed in their sleep, none the wiser. The conductor apologised over the speaker and informed her passengers of the process to get compensation. 

The father looked out the window. He didn’t want to miss Mount Fuji. It should be visible soon. 

The train built speed, it passed on down the tracks, business as usual and completely unaffected by the bombs that had been wired haphazardly to the tracks set to blow as it approached and derail the shinkansen while it was going full speed.

The father arrived at the station. His daughter was there waiting for him, in her new coat a size too big for her so she could grow into it. He swept her into his arms and held back his tears as she yelled and laughed in pure joy. He carried her home, pride of place on his shoulders. He couldn’t wait for her to open her present tomorrow. 

-

“Hiyoko, come on, let him finish!” 

Saionji pouted, huffed, and dropped her head heavily into her hand as she finally gave up on trying to get Tanaka angry enough at her negging of his boring and stupid Christmas story that the night would actually get interesting. 

This sucked. When the hell did everyone get so fucking boring?

It’s not like she wasn’t used to being told off for this sort of thing, it was just so annoying when Koizumi did it because she really didn’t like being mean to Koizumi. She wished Hinata would hurry up and get here like he promised he would. If he was the one telling her off, she’d just have another target to turn to, and he was even more fun to rile up nowadays than he had been in the program. Now, getting him pissed off was like a victory. She remembered every time that he’d gotten annoyed enough to shout at her. Though she’d abandoned her crocodile tears, she’d found that laughing in their faces was much more satisfying and only served to annoy people further. Plus, the crocodile tears didn’t work on Hinata the same anymore. It just wasn’t worth it. 

Komaeda was sitting on the floor. He made an effort to look like he was really invested in Tanaka’s Christmas tale. Though really, he was the type of guy to be annoying enough that he probably legitimately was invested in it. Him and Tanaka were freaks in different ways, but they were freaks all the same. Komaeda, however, was becoming decidedly more annoying the longer the night went on. For the third time in the last 20 minutes, Saionji watched his attention drift from Tanaka’s story to the door. 

Hinata had seriously better show up tonight like he promised. If she has to suffer through Komaeda being even more pathetic and annoying than he usually is for no reason, she was going to put fire ants in his pillow. 

–

“You’re still here?!” 

Hinata didn’t startle because nothing shocked him anymore. It was more that he hadn’t expected to be found here on today of all days. 

The winter wind was usually unrestrained on the dock, pressuring the waves into a frantically furious and unpredictable dance. Watching them was centring. Today, he was both lucky and unlucky. Lucky enough that the lack of icy winter wind meant the sea was calm, and his journey back to the island would be easy. Unlucky, that he didn’t have the chaos of the waves to enjoy. 

Good and bad luck in one fell swoop. Hinata hated how sentimental the thought made him. Was he stupid to hope someone was thinking of him? Probably. 

He turned around and gave Naegi a small, apologetic smile, though it was mostly for Naegi’s sake. He didn’t feel apologetic. Well, not about this. 

“I’m…a little behind.” he said with an added wince for effect. He looked behind Naegi to the street at the top of the dock and saw Kirigiri. He lifted a hand as a wave. She nodded back. 

“I thought it was you standing here, but I thought you’d have left before the sun had risen.” Naegi laughed to himself and tucked his hands deeper into his winter jacket. Even this much older, Naegi still kept his boyish good looks, and with that wool winter hat on he looked even cuter. He chuckled and shook his head, “Boy, you’re really going to be in for a telling off when you get back.” 

The picture that formed in his head did make him smile. A real one this time. 

“You have…no idea.” 

Naegi stood next to him as they looked out across the ocean. A breeze rolled across them. The hood Hinata had pulled up over his head shook with it. He tried to ignore Naegi’s eyes on him. But they didn’t relent, so he had to instead. 

Naegi was giving him ‘the look’. It was a look he’d only seen through the camera lens, on the flickering television as it broadcasted Enoshima’s Killing School Life. 

“What?” he asked bluntly.

Naegi’s eyes widened, and he shrugged and stared out across the ocean instead, “Nothing! Nothing.” 

Hinata held back a long-suffering sigh. It was impolite, and he needed Naegi to like him. 

“Spit it out.” 

Naegi narrowed his eyes, then scratched his chin, “Just…’behind’?” Hinata closed his eyes to brace himself, “I mean, not that I know your true limits or abilities, you know, maybe some things have changed after the Program.” Naegi looked back at him, his gaze as harsh as a bullet, “Because right now, Hinata, that sounds like a whole load of bullshit.” 

Hinata tucked his chin into his jacket and scowled, “Sorry I’m fallible.” 

“So, I’m right?” Naegi pushed, and it made Hinata feel terribly childish all of a sudden. Naegi laughed a little, less apologetic, a little more smug, “I hit a nerve. That’s always the tell.” 

That brought Hinata’s humour back, “Yeah. I used that one too.” 

He really must be losing his touch, if he really believed he could avoid Naegi’s emotional prodding completely. He loathed to do so, but he folded to him. “I’m…nervous.” he scowled, like he’d eaten something sour, “I don’t know what I’m going back to.”

Naegi stayed silent. His gaze was unrelenting. Hinata heard himself laughing awkwardly and scratched his jaw, “Is it bad I kind of hope everything’s fallen to shit without me?” 

Why had he said that? God he was so shit at this cool and mysterious stint he was trying to pull. It was so much easier when he didn’t feel compelled to open his big mouth. Now Naegi was looking at him with that prying, empathetic gaze that made him want to start laying out every issue he’d had since he’d been old enough to understand what it meant to be insufficient. 

“Do you really want that though?” 

Hinata at least had enough self-restraint to not answer that.

Naegi huffed, “No comment. Tactical. I’m not in a rush to apprehend you again, you know? For one, I’d never be able to do that. I don’t know why I didn’t clock on that you came willingly for a reason before. I suppose I just… hoped.” Naegi rolled his eyes and shook his head, then got back on track, “Plus, with all the good you do, and continue to do…I dunno. I think you’re paying it back your own way. Much better than if you were locked up in some jail cell.”

“Or dead.” 

“Or-Or dead.” Naegi cleared his throat, then sighed, “If my opinion counts at all to you, I think it’s kind of a good thing if they don’t need to rely on you completely.” 

Hinata resisted that notion, despite how logically sound he knew it was. Emotionally, he hated just the thought of it. The Steering Committee had been right to try and suck him dry of all feeling, because whenever he did feel something, he always got it the wrong way around. His one imperfection. Perhaps his biggest. And now because of it, he had every ability to feel absolutely horrible about it too. 

“But,” Naegi continued as the waves lapped wetly against the dock, “Even if they can survive without you, it doesn't mean they can live that way. I’m willing to bet they’ve missed you to death.” 

It only spoke of Naegi’s endless levels of empathy that, despite his iron grip on his poker face, Naegi knew where his thoughts had turned to, and further, knew exactly what to say to cut through his doubts. 

Never was it more clear how little he deserved the title Ultimate Hope than when he saw Naegi brandish it with the perfectly natural ease of someone who earned it. Even with his endless, godforsaken wisdom, and the younger version of himself in his head that thrashed against the words like an injured animal attacking a vet, Hinata couldn’t find a decent rebuttal. 

Maybe, really, because he simply didn’t want to. 

Hinata huffed a laugh, and lowered his hood, “I suppose if anyone should know better than to bet against an Ultimate Lucky Student, it should be me.” 

Naegi was right. Perhaps more convincing, was the fact that he missed them. He missed them all so badly. It was becoming a sickness. By staying here, pouting on a dock like the stubborn Reserve Course child he still was no matter how far he ran away from him, he was only delaying the inevitable. He’d already thought long and hard about a reality in which he never returned to them. Maybe a few years ago he would’ve chosen that type of pitiful, ‘woe is me’ path if only to see if having someone feel sorry for him because of his own unnecessary martyrdom would feel as vindicating and fulfilling as he always imagined it would. But the whole world had had enough of him rotting in his own despair for his own selfish enjoyment for a lifetime. 

He boarded his boat, a small, inconspicuous fishing boat, big enough to get him there, small enough that no one would think twice if it was caught. Not that it would matter even if it was. He always had a backup plan ready. 

“Send Komaeda my love for me.” Naegi called after him as he started untying his dock line from the iron cleats. 

“No.” he replied, much too quickly, his jealousy as clear in his tone as his face lacked expression. He could have slapped himself. If he were alone, he might’ve. He suddenly became incredibly interested in the quality of his dock line and wrapping it up as quickly as possible. “I’ll never hear the end of it if I do.”

Nice save. Real natural (fucking jackass).

Still, it didn’t deter Naegi. He just smiled that hopeful, beatific smile he pulled off so easily. “Well, at least tell him I said hi. Now stop stalling. If you leave now, you’ll still have plenty of Christmas left to celebrate with all of them.” 

Hinata gave him a smile back. He knew it would pale in comparison, like the sun pitted against the moon, but he supposed it was the thought that counted. “Alright.” 

He pushed off the dock and began his course home. He felt his soul begin to settle. 

“And Hinata?” Hinata turned to look back at Naegi, standing on the edge of the pier. Kirigiri had joined him now, her long coat swaying in the breeze. Naegi bowed, “Good work this year.” 

Hinata smiled and bowed back, “You too.” 

-

Pekoyama stepped outside, closed the door, and the moment the sound of the party inside was muffled to nothing, she breathed out a long, well overdue breath. It felt like the first proper breath she’d taken all night. 

Large gatherings like this had never been easy for her. Though before, it was because there were more targets than usual to keep an eye on, and many more distractions that she had to ignore to protect Kuzuryu. This stress was different. Before, she’d at least known what role she had to play, and could stick to that role and know she was carrying it out well. Now, she had no role, and she’d never felt more lost. 

She was better than she had been, but finding out who she was outside of the role she’d filled her entire life was…difficult. She questioned everything, even things that seemed natural. Everyone else seemed to understand what they were doing, what they wanted to do, what they were supposed to do, so easily. Pekoyama envied that casual ease. Taking a breath in moments like this, Hinata had once told her, was perfectly normal. The moment it all became too much, just step outside and breathe. Pekoyama could breathe. That was one thing she knew she could never doubt herself on. 

The cold air was sharp and refreshing in her lungs. She held it in, felt it warm in her chest, and breathed it out. She enjoyed the way her breath fogged in front of her face. It made her think of dragons, which made her think of Kuzuryu, which made her think of home. 

She knew she wasn’t supposed to be focusing on Kuzuryu as much. He still scolded her for it, but lately, she’d gotten better at pointing out that he was just as bad in the opposite direction. Where did servitude end and love begin? Pekoyama had never had to separate them before. This new world was so full of possibilities, it was more than a little overwhelming. 

Hinata, in all his blunt simplicity, was one of the best people to talk to about these things. He was able to cut right through to what Pekoyama was thinking, what she was feeling, better than she ever could. Sometimes, Pekoyama felt less like she couldn’t see the wood for all the trees, and more she couldn’t even see the trees because she was too busy counting the branches when it came to what was going on in her head. 

But she could breathe. As simple a piece of advice it had been, it had been some of the most helpful she had received. Just slow down and breathe, Pekoyama. She could almost hear him in her head. 

She was sure he hadn’t meant full meditation when he’d suggested that, but it was what she tended to default to, and it helped. Hinata had also told her to stop second guessing things that felt right. To go with the flow. Pekoyama wasn’t sure she knew how to do that, but maybe this was one way to help her start to figure that out. 

“Got a bit much for you too, huh?”

She wasn’t sure how long she’d been out here breathing, but she’d been relaxed enough that she nearly startled, her grip on the fencing of the old building’s porch tightening ever so slightly, when she heard Komaeda suddenly talking behind her. 

“Yes, I suppose you could say that.” Pekoyama agreed. 

“Actually, I have to apologise, Pekoyama.” 

She raised an eyebrow at that. Komaeda smiled in an appeasing way,

“I actually used you as an excuse to leave myself. Kuzuryu was looking for you- Ah, wait! Please don’t think that means you  have to go back!” 

Pekoyama narrowed her eyes at him. He waved his hands in a placating manner, 

“I just meant that I said I would come and check on you. Ah, but, if you’d like to return to the party, by all means. But, I’d hate for you to disturb your peace because of my own selfish behaviour.” Komaeda laughed, but it was that cold, empty laugh that made Pekoyama feel on edge, “I don’t even know why I told you that. I’m not the best at small talk. Souda’s told me I have a tendency to overshare when it’s inappropriate to do so. I think it’s an, ah, anxiety thing?” His eyes widened slightly, then his smile got even more pathetic, “So is talking way too much, it seems.”    

Pekoyama dismissed his ramblings as easily as she ever did. Instead, she thought about her options. Instinctively, she wanted to return to Kuzuryu. But she knew Kuzuryu would only want her to do what she wanted to do. He’d drummed that into her enough times that she had to accept it. What she wanted to do…

She tightened her grip on the fencing. It was so difficult to even start to think of it. Every time she did, her body would feel so strange, and suddenly she’d feel incredibly sick. 

She breathed in, she breathed out. 

“I think…I will stay out here, just a little longer.” 

“I’m glad.” Komaeda said softly, and Pekoyama thought that he might mean it genuinely.  “Then, I will stop talking and disrupting your calm. Don’t mind me. Pretend I’m not even here-” 

“Thank you, Komaeda.” 

“Yes. Right.” 

They stood in companiable silence, even with Komaeda’s fumbling when he’d first come out onto the balcony. It was strange. It was probably the longest time Pekoyama had been alone with Komaeda maybe all year. Now, in this easy, no pressure silence, Pekoyama sort of felt like she’d come to an understanding with him. 

She felt him get ready to speak before he made a sound.

“Actually,” he started quietly, a strange melancholy on his face that she found surprising, “I think I might just go.” his eyes widened, and any hint of the emotion that had been there before was gone, “Just for a walk.” he said brightly, “I might come back later. I might go back to my cottage. I’m not sure. Ah! But I swear, I’m not doing anything…um, suspicious.”

Pekoyama smiled. When he said it as bluntly as that, it instantly made Pekoyama suspicious.  

“Okay.” she nodded, “I will cover for you.” 

Komaeda froze up a little, “R-Really?” he said. He sounded surprised. Pekoyama didn’t really understand why. It cost her nothing to not mention Komaeda until someone asked her where he was. “Wow. Thank you, Pekoyama. See you later.” 

Pekoyama watched him go. Even having made the decision to stay outside, now she was alone again, the thought of returning to her post re-emerged. She’d been out here a while, and if Kuzuryu was worrying, it was selfish to stay any longer.

Something cold touched her hand, for a second, maybe less. A pinprick of ice that melted away. She looked up at the porch light swinging on the wooden posts of the Old Building, and in its warm, yellow light, she saw the small, thin sprinkling of the start of snow fall. 

She breathed, and it curled and dispersed in the air in front of her as the snow fell quietly. 

Kuzuryu could wait a little longer.

-

On an island like Jabberwock, you were always so close to the ocean you could never really get away from the sound of the waves. Even so, Komaeda never stopped appreciating them. Their steady rhythm was predictable and safe. He could think of things that could go wrong, he could always think of things that could go wrong, and before, the ocean had been a large and horrifically terrifying thing to him. But getting used to island life meant getting used to the ocean. Now, the ocean was something of a friend to him.

Loneliness was something he’d bared through his entire life. Now, constantly surrounded by people, it was hard to feel lonely. Still, as pre-dispositioned and perfectly suited to suffering as he was, Komaeda found a way to be lonely. Maybe it was habit. Maybe it was something he’d never get rid of, a broken bone from childhood that never healed properly, and would now never be the same. 

On nights like these, when his loneliness swelled to something that demanded his attention, his friend the ocean comforted him. It didn’t get rid of the loneliness, but it didn’t try to either. It filled the silence and expected nothing back. It listened, even without him having to speak, and did nothing more. No matter what Komaeda said or thought or felt, the ocean still rolled lavishly over the shore. It kept his secrets in its depths, and that was it. But it held them for him, so he didn’t have to hold them on his own. 

Tonight, the moon was large and full, a spotlight in a dazzling sky of swirling stars. An old friend to join his new one. But tonight, it was neither the moon or the sea that he wanted to speak to. 

“Merry Christmas, Nanami.” he said to the moon. He stood by the large rocks by the cliffs that stretched along the edge of the beach. The tide was in now and heading out. He didn’t need to worry about getting wet. “You know, you’d think everyone would be way too scared to throw a party like that in the Old Building after what happened last time, but actually, everyone seems to be really relaxed. They even let me clean and decorate! Seriously, it’s almost enough for me to doubt their self-preservation skills!” Komaeda laughed. The sea crashed quietly against the rocks, then pulled away, “But really,” he said quietly, like if he whispered it, it would be less massive than it felt, “It was nice to be treated so normally.”

He breathed in deep. The air was briny against his tongue. Snow had started to fall, and it made the air an even icier cold than it had been before, “The Deja-vu was kind of painful. I kept thinking you were outside, guarding the building, like you were in the Program. Maybe you were.” he killed the smile he’d unknowingly nurtured onto his face, “But I don’t believe in that stuff. Once you’re dead, you’re dead. Then…I suppose I’m just talking to myself. Though, I think, with everything else that’s messed up in my head, that’s probably the least of my issues.”

Komaeda’s frown deepened, not in sadness, but in thought, as he considered the fact that the Nanami he was talking to would know nothing about this island, or the Old Building, or why he might feel so conflicted.

“It’s weird to think about though. If it was you, your spirit, guarding the old building…It wouldn’t be the same you that guarded us back then. Sometimes my memories of you and her clash, and it’s strange to think about. It’s almost like I’m mourning you twice. Is that really okay? Is it alright to mourn a program? She- you- were just as real as a character in those video games you loved. How can I be mourning you, when I knew the real you so much better?” 

Nothing answered him, but he didn’t want or need a response. This thought made him feel strange, like he was indulging somehow by letting any of this out of his head. It felt wrong to say, wrong for him to say specifically, and he wished he hadn’t said anything at all. He didn’t know this feeling. It just made him feel awkward and sick, like he was a kid crying selfishly for comfort over a toy he’d snapped in half by bending it too far.  

Komaeda sighed and tucked his chin further into his winter coat. He didn’t know where his brain was going tonight. But when did he ever? He wished he had even an inch of control over where his thoughts would spin and spiral to. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel so out of place all the time. 

“Sorry, I don’t mean to bore you with all of this. Just, Hinata’s still not home, and you were the only other person who would listen to me. Though now…” 

Komaeda lifted his head and looked back in the direction of the Old Building. He couldn’t see it from where he was, but he could picture it all the same. The picture in his head this time was not a fantasy, but memories. All night, he’d been included. All night he’d felt like one of them, and every time he’d started to doubt it, someone else was calling out for him. He knew the whiskey he’d drank had gone by now, but still he’d swore he felt it warm his chest. 

“Maybe that’s changed too...” 

His loneliness didn’t disappear, but maybe just felt a little less cold than it had before. 

“I wish you were a spirit, Nanami, and you could be looking down on us. Everything you worked for came true. The only part that’s missing is you.” 

Though, that wasn’t right either. Tonight, as every night before it the last year, there were two pieces missing from the centre of this beautifully hopeful puzzle. 

Hajime Hinata, he thought with the type of indulgence he tried not to let show in his voice when he said his name as he knew it would be wrong.

He wanted to be as hopeful as the others that he was coming back, but Komaeda knew better than to hope for the things he wished for. He tried his best not to think about him at all through some improbable chance that if he pretended hard enough that he didn’t care where Hinata was, his luck wouldn’t down his ship in the middle of a storm at sea and wash him up upon the shore a bloated, salt encrusted corpse a week from now. 

But Komaeda hated to lie, even to himself, not on purpose anyway. He wanted Hinata back. He wanted it so badly it was an ache that had only grown more with the knowledge that he might see him soon. It was cruel of him, really. If he was going to leave, he should leave forever. Komaeda couldn’t take this in between state of things. 

He went for a small walk. The snow was falling slowly, and he distantly wondered if it would stick this year, or just melt on the ground into slushy ice like the last time it had snowed. He could feel the cold on his face, and it made him all the more appreciative of his new coat. Koizumi had gifted it to him to replace his old one that she was apparently so sick of the sight of she took matters into her own hands. Komaeda didn’t complain. She had a good eye, and while its stone grey colour and cream fur lined hood were different, nowadays, different was good. He huffed a breath onto his fingers. They were red tipped and felt stiff. He forgot his gloves and was now paying the price for it. 

A lap around Jabberwock Park, and he ran out of excuses. Even as much as he pushed his luck, he knew that it wasn’t a good idea for him to be walking around in the snow like this. He was feeling so sorry for himself; he didn’t want to ruin everyone else’s good time. But, as selfish as it was to impose himself on everyone in the state he was in, he didn’t want to miss Hinata’s return.

He stopped in his tracks. He didn’t know what it was, some deep buried mid-brain sense that told him someone was looking at him. It was an action so quick and unconscious that he couldn’t analyse it. But whatever it was, it made him stop in the middle of the boardwalk that ran from the gate of the hotel to the pool and look over to his cottage. 

His heart stopped. 

There, under the strong, orange light of his porch, leaning against one of the canopy’s beams. It looked like- it couldn’t be- he had to be hallucinating (had he taken his medication this morning? Did he miss a dose?) 

The hallucination met his stare, and stood up properly, the snow falling slow and soft around him, 

“Hey,” it said, “It’s been a while. How have you been? Kept out of trouble?” 

Komaeda didn’t move. If he moved, he was sure it would fade and he’d know then that it wasn’t real. He’d like to avoid that reality for a little longer.

“Nagito? Uh, are…you alright? You seem pretty out of it.” 

Komaeda stepped forwards, hesitantly at first, but with that first movement, holding back the rest was impossible. He jogged towards the apparition. It didn’t fade. It was as solid and real as his own right hand. He stood at the edge of the bridge that crossed the small moat to his porch and tried to keep his breathing calm. 

Hinata tilted his head, and the warm porch light spilt down his face handsomely, “Did I surprise you?” 

This was no apparition. This was real. 

All the things he wanted to say died on his tongue. Every plan he’d thought about over and over again on the lead up to this moment fell to dust, as all he could bring himself to say, with stark, breathy disbelief of a preacher who just witnessed a miracle in his own church, 

“You made it.” 

“I promised I would, didn’t I?” Hinata replied with a smile. 

Komaeda’s heart was beating so hard, it was making him feel a little sick. His head was spinning. He knew he was staring at Hinata, but he was holding back so much more that he just couldn’t help it. He buried his hands deep in his pockets. He pushed them down into them to keep them under control, to keep himself at least a little bit decent. 

“Come on, say something. I’m starting to feel like I’ve done something wrong.” Hinata smiled awkwardly at him. Komaeda burned the sight into his brain so he’d never forget it again. 

“My Christmas wishes have never been listened to before.” he murmured, then looked away. Acknowledging it was just reminding him it was real, and it was only getting harder to hold himself back. “It’s hard to believe you’re actually here.”

He wanted to touch him. He wanted to kiss him. He didn’t want to come on too strong too soon. With all the good luck he was experiencing right now, a kiss would surely throw them over the deep end. So instead, Komaeda stared at him and did as he had done for the last year in his absence and thought about touching him, and thought about kissing him, and did everything in his power to not do either of those things. 

Then, Hinata ruined it all. He grabbed the wrist of one of the hands Komaeda was keeping captive in his coat pocket. Komaeda watched in a helpless daze as Hinata laid all his self-control to waste, and made flesh meet flesh by leaning his face into Komaeda’s hand. 

“I’m real.” he whispered. 

Komaeda stared at his hand against Hinata’s face and waited for the moment that he’d wake up, and this would’ve all been some lovely dream. 

But he didn’t wake up. Instead, Hinata leant further into his cold, thin hand.

“Ahahaa- This is seriously bad.” Komaeda said hoarsely. He swallowed hard and cast his eyes down to the trickling stream that ran under their feet, “I thought it was impossible for me to like you any more than I already do. There’s not a single barrier of mine you can’t break through is there?” 

Komaeda felt Hinata smile against his hand. It was all he could do to keep standing.

“They say distance makes the heart grow fonder.” 

“Yes. How scary.” 

“I know.”

Hinata let go of his wrist. Despite how boneless he felt, he was reluctant to move it away. He managed it. Hinata’s heat lingered on his palm. It itched. He didn’t put it back in his pocket. He flexed it by his side. 

“Well,” Hinata said, putting his hands in his pockets and swaying a little on his feet, “Apparently, I’m your Secret Santa.” 

Komaeda blinked, then laughed with a shake of his head, “Hinata, you aren’t supposed to say.” 

“Well, there’s no other way for me to give you your present without revealing it. It’d be obvious.” 

“Hmm, how mysterious…A present that would obviously be from Hinata…I’m intrigued.” 

Hinata giggled. Komaeda bit the inside of his cheek to stop his smile getting out of control. 

“Close your eyes.” 

Komaeda raised an eyebrow at him. Hinata sighed gruffly, “Don’t be difficult.” 

He thought about disobeying him, just to see what he’d do if he did. Maybe any other day he would’ve. But his resolve was completely destroyed by Hinata’s return. Hinata could’ve asked him to drown himself for his pleasure and Komaeda would’ve done it just to make him happy. Luckily for him, Hinata was not so vindictive. 

Komaeda stood obediently with his eyes closed and waited. 

He felt his breath, then he felt his lips against his, and it was like the world went quiet for one, perfect moment. 

He knew he wasn’t asked to, but Komaeda’s eyes fluttered open. 

“Merry Christmas, Nagito.” 

“Hajime…” Komaeda felt something inside him wobble close to breaking. He dropped his head onto Hinata’s shoulder to hide away from the overwhelming feeling and to stop himself from saying or doing something out of line. But it was harder than ever. One simple kiss had undone him at his seams. He rested a hand over Hinata’s chest and wished he could reach into him and hold his heart in his hands. He wished he could crawl into the cavity of his ribcage and live inside it. He wanted to die right here so there’d be nothing else but this moment for the rest of time. 

His emotions were a flood, and the dam that held them back cracked at its foundations, and from the crack escaped a quiet, yet heavy, “I missed you.” 

A hand rested on his head; Komaeda tried to bury himself deeper into his shoulder. “I know.” Hinata said his voice soft and deep, “I’m sorry.” Hinata ran his fingers through his hair, “Come on. I’m sure I’ve missed so much bullshit. I need you to update me.”

That made Komaeda raise his head. “But the others-”

“I’ve been with them already.”

He paused, and stepped back a bit, “What?”

Hinata shrugged, “We must’ve just missed each other.”

“Oh…” Komaeda shook his head and laughed. He should’ve guessed as much. It was just too typical. “If it ended like this, I can’t tell whether that’s good luck or bad. Still, it feels selfish. Everyone missed you.”

“There’s still plenty of time left.” Hinata’s reassurance didn’t convince him. Hinata huffed a laugh, “I’m starting to think you don’t want to be alone with me.” 

Alarm shot through Komaeda so strongly he gasped and grabbed onto Hinata without thinking, “No! That’s not it! I just mean-” It was when he saw Hinata grinning at him that he realised he’d been had. His panic drained, he pushed Hinata lightly on the shoulder, “Don’t tease. Not now. It’s mean. You’ve already made me so fragile I’ll definitely break.” 

“Sorry.” he didn’t sound sorry at all. Komaeda held back a smile, forcing a pout in its place. "Hey,” a finger at his chin pulled his head up to look at Hinata again. He stared at Hinata glowing golden in his porch light, powdery snow collecting on the ends of his hair and pulling blush to his cheeks, looking so warm and inviting on this cold Christmas night Komaeda yearned for him in whatever way Hinata would let him have him so strongly he nearly forgot how to breath. “It’s cold out here.” Hinata murmured.  

Komaeda shrugged, “I dunno, I’m pretty warm.” Komaeda ran his hands down Hinata’s chest, “Hajime’s lit a fire in my loins.” 

“Did I just say I missed you? I take it back. I’m going to the others.” 

Hinata pushed past him to walk away. 

“Nooooooooooo!” Komaeda wrapped his arms firmly around Hinata and pulled him back. He felt his firm chest under his jacket. He buried his head in the side of his neck, and the smell of his sweat, of his cologne, made his head feel light, made him, in all his stubborn stupidity, hold Hinata closer and tighter. 

“You’re all mine. You’ve done it now.” he murmured into Hinata’s neck, “You should’ve never come back, because now I can never let you leave again.” 

Hinata turned around in his arms and said,

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.” 

Komaeda curled his hand into a tight fist over Hinata’s heart, and the way he looked at him, after implying something like that- whether he meant it or not didn’t matter to Komaeda- it ruined him. The dam that’d kept his emotions at bay shattered, and Komaeda wrapped his hand around the back of Hinata’s neck and pulled him forwards as he leaned in and kissed him hard. It felt like jumping on the cracked surface of a frozen lake. It felt like drenching himself in flammable gelatine and lighting a match, and with the way Hinata’s kiss made him burn, he’d swear he’d caught alight. He’d never felt anything more fulfilling in his life.

Hinata kissed him back, gripping at his coat, pulling him forwards into him. He moaned into the kiss, and his loneliness faded until he forgot that he’d felt it at all. 

“Nagito,” Hinata’s breath was hot against his face, “If we don’t go inside right now, I’m going to take you on your porch.”

Komaeda’s hands shot to his belt and started undoing it. Hinata grabbed his wrists and yanked them up and away.

“I was joking.” he said, giving Komaeda a dry, deadpan look. Komaeda frowned and Hinata scoffed a laugh at his disappointed expression and sighed a hopeless, “You’re ridiculous.” as he dragged him giggling into his cottage. 

The door had barely closed behind them before Hinata was on him again. “You mess me up.” Hinata confessed shakily against him, kissing him as he took off both their jackets and turned on the light. He pulled him close and ran his hands over his body with such an indulgent, languid pace that it pulled at his clothes. Komaeda wasn’t so coy and went straight to shoving his cold hands up Hinata’s jumper to grab greedily at his waist, his chest, his hips. His skin was burning. Hinata gasped and flinched at the feeling, and Komaeda bit his lip. Hinata groaned, “I missed you.” and somehow managed to hold him tighter as he kissed him like he was making up for a year’s worth of missed opportunities. He kissed him with the desperate passion of a starving man biting into a plump and perfectly ripe fruit. Komaeda found it easy to keep up. He was just as starving, just as desperate, licking into Hinata’s mouth and against his tongue with messy abandon, revelling in the slick feel of spit that spread between their mouths and down their chins like sweet juice. 

Komaeda felt hot, near molten. He’d forgotten he could feel like this, that he was allowed to. He only burned hotter when his fumbling, desperate and deplorable self managed to make Hinata moan as he dragged his touch lower, past his twitching stomach and his half-undone belt. Komaeda sighed shakily into Hinata’s mouth,

“I need you.” he whispered back, curling his fingers into Hinata’s hair possessively. 

He didn’t need to ask twice, Hinata wilfully obliged. 

-

They still managed to make it back to the party. Everyone was shocked, which Hinata found wholly embarrassing, but at this point, he was more ashamed that he was embarrassed by that. It wasn’t anything to do with Komaeda, of course. He wasn’t sure what it was. Maybe it was just a case of slight arrested development. He thinks a lot of his problems could probably be boiled down to that. 

Nagito was golden in the warm light of the Old Building. The paper crown he wore made him look so cute it was jarring to think that he’d had a longer run of terrorism than any of the rest of them did. Hinata found his affections for him simmering every time they caught eyes and Hinata saw Komaeda’s smile grow because of it. He couldn’t wait to have him to himself again tonight, but he felt so content watching him here amongst everyone that he was in no rush to leave. 

It was a strange experience. Hinata wasn’t used to sharing Komaeda. But in his absence, he’d grown closer to everyone. It was a relief. He focused on how important he knew that was for Komaeda, instead of the bubbling insecurity that threatened to make him act out in jealousy and drag Komaeda away from the party and keep him alone so his eyes would be on him and no one else. 

He imagined saying that thought out loud to himself in the Program, post-trial one. The image of his own face contorting in abject horror knocked enough sense into him to realise how stupid he was being.

Like Komaeda wasn’t shining here amongst all the other Ultimates more than he’d ever seen him shine before. He’d never seen him smile this often; an actual smile, not a facade. His whole face seemed to glow with it. He was having a good time, and having it easily, accepting love from others and giving it in return. He thought of Komaeda from the Program seeing himself now. The thought made him snort so hard his drink went the wrong way up into his nose. 

At some point, Oowari challenged him to an arm wrestle. That set everyone off, and Hinata had the pleasure of beating every one of them without breaking a sweat, while Komaeda kneeled next to him and watched like it was the most enrapturing thing he’d ever seen. He made the mistake of glancing down at him mid round, and saw his eyes blown wide as he stared straight at his arm with his bottom lip pinched between his teeth, and Hinata had nearly put Souda’s arm through the table. 

At another point, he was being dragged into the middle of the room, his protests falling on the conveniently deaf ears of Ibuki Mioda as she less danced with him and more dragged him around the room and made him fling her left and right for her own cackling amusement. Saionji got jealous fast, and whined and complained until they let her join in. He ate until he’d tried everything, then ate more of his favourites. He accepted his Secret Santa, and guessed right with Souda, not only because the recycled metal contraption couldn’t have been made by anyone else, but also because he saw Souda’s apprehension as he watched him open it turn to an excitement so obvious when he’d shown he’d liked it that Hinata could easily imagine a tail behind him wagging furiously. He drank with Kuzuryu and sat through more scolding of how late he’d arrived from Koizumi and talked business with Sonia and Sagashi until Oowari overheard them and sabotaged the meeting on account of it being ‘too boring’. 

Hinata hadn’t had this much attention in so long, he was honestly a little overwhelmed. Though, maybe it was less that he was overwhelmed, and more that he was shocked.

All this to say, he wasn’t complaining when the night got so late that everyone was settling down against their will. He sat alone, hidden partially from the others by the Christmas tree, and tried to sort out his thoughts. Though, for the first time in a long, long while- longer than he could remember- he was coming up empty. 

It didn’t take long for Komaeda to find him and slip into his place by his side. Komaeda had sat a respectable distance away from him, polite and unobtrusive. Hinata quickly fixed that, sliding up next to him and snaking his arm around Komaeda’s to hold his hand in his. The way Komaeda flushed and smiled as he stared at their intertwined hands made Hinata feel like he was worth something. 

He watched his friends talk and laugh. Safe in the warm and tired atmosphere of joy and booze and stomachs full to bursting but still finding room for more. As he took it all in, and let the feeling sink into his heart, he came to a conclusion that was so obvious he was ashamed he’d ever had to question it.

He’d been so, so stupid. All this intelligence and skill that cost the world, and he was still so dull. Naegi had been right. Just because they could survive without him, didn’t mean they didn’t want him there. There was more than one way to be needed. It was difficult to believe, but he couldn’t deny what was he was being shown. To think he’d almost missed this, almost stayed away forever and never felt this again, and for what? To stay alone and isolated, surrounded by his mistakes with nothing to comfort him but his own distorted perception of things. He’d said distance makes the heart grow fonder, and maybe that was true. But with the distance came forgetting. Not even one night surrounded by them all, and his theory that had once seemed so concrete suddenly became egregiously fallacious.

He released a long sigh and melted back into the chair they shared, suddenly boneless and tired. Not in a sad way, but it wasn’t happy either. He couldn’t place it.

“I’m so happy I came home.” He muttered and thought that maybe the feeling was acceptance.

Komaeda made a questioning sound that drew Hinata’s attention. He’d tilted his head, but Hinata shook his in response,

“Nothing.”

“So…” Komaeda started. Hinata didn’t like his tone. “Sorry, I’m getting a little impatient, I suppose. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think Hinata’s forgetting something.”

Hinata’s brow furrowed, “What?”

Komaeda crossed his legs at the knee and sat primly and said, “My present.”

Hinata sat up, “What?” 

“You’re my Secret Santa. Where’s my present?”

Hinata started to sweat, “I- I gave you your present. I-We-” Hinata felt his face begin to burn, “And later-”

Komaeda folded his arms and looked down his nose at him, “Huh? Are you saying you only made love to me because of a Secret Santa obligation?”

“NO!” Hinata flung himself forwards from his relaxed position to look at Komaeda properly, “No, no, Nagito-”

“Then that doesn’t really make it an appropriate gift, does it?” Komaeda sighed and lolled his head to the side, bouncing the leg he’d crossed over his other with irritation, “Hajime can destroy the world and save it again, but he can’t get me a good present on Christmas…”  

“I didn’t know until I got here! What did you want me to do?!” 

Komaeda sighed dejectedly, “I guess I forgot my place. Couples usually exchange gifts on Christmas day. I’d always dreamed of having that one day. I suppose I always knew that was an arrogant wish for human trash like me to have. It’s like a sewer rat expecting love just because it got put in a cage.”

“…You’re getting really creative with that stuff, huh?”

“Hajime doesn’t even care enough to comfort me…” Komaeda bemoaned and he hugged himself and fell to the side, “If it were the other way around, I would’ve have gladly showered Hajime with gifts. It’s only what he deserves. I suppose I’m only getting the same in return…nothing. What I deserve…”

“That’s rich! Like you wouldn’t have turned up without a gift and gone ‘Oh I’m just such a worthless worm any gift from my filthy hands would’ve been an insult, please, berate me and whip me as penance!’ as an excuse!” 

Komaeda’s face went pale. He sat up and stared at Hinata, gaunt faced and horrified.

“D-Don’t ever do my voice again.” Komaeda said in the most serious voice he had ever heard him use.

“I’m Komaeda Nagito, hope gets me hard-AGH!” 

Komaeda twisted Hinata’s nipple and he yelled. It stopped his teasing, maybe permanently. 

“Hey, you two!” Kuzuryu shouted from across the room as Hinata rubbed his chest and pouted, “Stop flirting and get over here!” 

Mioda joined in, “Yeah, Komaeda! Stop hogging Hinata! I wanna twist his nipples too!” 

“See what you’ve done?” Hinata said sharply to Komaeda. He was smiling with the biggest shit eating grin he could muster. Hinata wanted so badly to teach him a lesson, to wipe that stupid grin off his face and put him back in his place. He tucked the feeling away for later. 

Komaeda stood up and held out a hand, the light behind him haloing his hair, lighting its thin wispy ends aflame in a way that suddenly made him morbidly nostalgic. 

“Aren’t you glad you came home?” Komaeda said sweetly. 

Hinata shook his head, took his hand, and let him pull him to his feet and lead him back to the others. 

“Yeah.” he said, “I really am.”