Archive of Our Own ^beta

Hi, Will

Well. This is awkward. I don’t know what to write. I mean this feels weird to write to you. I tried calling the other day but the line was busy (I tried doing it thrice, 1 hour apart each!). Were you busy?

Hope you’re doing well.

Love From Mike.

Will,

El’s mad I didn’t send you a letter. She said it was unfair that I sent her one and you didn’t get anything other than a note from her letter saying ‘please tell Will the party misses him’. But it’s true though. The party misses you.

I miss you.

Love Mike.

Byers,

I keep rewriting and rewriting this letter that I wrote for El. I would always write Will instead of El and I would always write Love instead of For or whatever. Is that bad? Am I a bad partner? I wish I could send this to you. I always fuck up the last part.

Hawkins isn’t the same without you.

Love, Fuck I did it again

Mike.

I care for you so much. 

I hope you know that.

Mike.

Will Byers,

El started writing less and less. I wrote less and less. It feels weird. Writing to you feels more natural than writing to her. If only I could stop thinking about handwritten letters being a romantic thing that only couples do… I might be able to write you better letters in the future.

You know what, maybe I should write you one good letter now. Watch me.

Love From Mike.

Will?

I don’t know if I will ever send this.

I miss you.

Especially in times like this.

Something feels wrong with me.

Love, Mike.

Dearest, Will.

Do you feel… different, too? I’m sorry. It’s… I don’t know what I’m writing. I should throw this away.

I love you. I think. I guess.

Mike.

Hi, Will.

Things have been great in Hawkins. Dustin calls Suzie all the time. Lucas and Max… Well, they’re doing fine now. Steve and Robin are still rocking their jobs. I wonder if they will ever be jobless in the future. They have all these experiences they can write in their resume now, too. I don’t think they will be jobless. I think I’m fucked in the head. Wait, no. Scratch that.

I’m not going to send this.

Hi, Will!

This is the third time I rewrote this one. I hope I can send this to you by now. How’s El? How are you? I’m doing great over here at Hawkins. The school started, everything is shit because I don’t have you beside me in class right now, but it’s okay. 

El has been getting madder and madder in each letter she sends me. Do you have any idea why?

I miss you xx

Love,  From,

Mike.

Will.

I tried calling. Who was the guy that answered? Is he your… new friend? Or whatever. I don’t know. I’m not jealous or possessive of you. I just want to know.

Mike.

Will,

Something is wrong with me, Will.

I’m sorry for all the things I told you in the rain that night. I just learned that you broke Castle Byers because of me. Does that make me a hypocrite? Isn’t it ironic? I told you all those things… and El and I are breaking up now because of the same exact reason.

I like you, Will.

I love you.

Mike Wheeler.

Will the Wise!

Your Paladin has come and he misses you so much. Wait. That’s not what I planned on writing. Fuck me. Fuck meeee

Will the Wise!

Your Paladin has come! 

Please visit me some time.

Or I will. : )

Mike the Brave. xx 

Hi, Will.

I’m sorry I didn’t hug you. I wasn’t supposed to be that awkward. El and I are fine now. I forgot the things I wanted to say, but I guess… I wasn’t sending these letters because well, I wanted to be normal. I don’t know if that’s how it works. I don’t want to be… –like you– No. That came out wrong. I don’t want to be… Ugh. I’m not going to write anymore.

I don’t know why I’m still writing. We literally live together now. But I just want to say that things changed between me and El. I think she knows. About my feelings for you. Or whatever that was.

Love, Mike.

I still can’t say these things to you. I like that we basically live together now. I like eating with you during breakfast. I like seeing your bed hair. I like you.

I love you. I think.

Love, Mike.

I heard you having nightmares. I didn’t mean to hear but I heard Jonathan at Nancy’s so I checked on you. You were having them and I didn’t know what to do. I waited for you to wake up. I stayed by your side. You seemed to calm down when I held your hand. Do I calm you down?

Please tell me. (As if I’m giving this to you)

Love, Mike.

I don’t like it when you get nightmares. 

Love, Mike.

Will,

Am I a bad person? I was thinking the other day how different I treat you and El. I was reading all these… letters. I kept them in my room. I guess I’m thinking if I will send these to you some day. Will I? I don’t know. I feel bad for her. I was a bad partner to her.

Mike.

El and I talked. About the waterfalls. 

Do you wanna go with us?

Mike.

I’m worried about you. I know that you technically have powers now but I don’t know. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t do that. Not to Vecna, not to anything. 

Mike.

I’m sorry I hugged you last. I wish I had the courage like you do. I want to… I want to just say it like you did. I want to be your best friend, your everything. I want to be there for you forever. I hope you know what I mean. I hope you can read this right now. I’m just scared of going to the Upside Down and the Abyss and everything else. What would happen to me if something happened to you? What would happen if I lost everyone I love? Nancy, El, especially you.

I don’t want to think about it. 

I’m writing this at the truck. You’re sleeping.

I love you. I’m not just some stupid crush. I know that much, at least.

Love, Mike.

I don’t know. El. Will. I don’t know what to write. I just want to write something. I want to run to you. I want to break down. Why did El have to go? Fuck. 

M.

June 2, 1989.

Did you watch Dead Poet’s Society, too? I don’t like it. I don’t feel good. At all.

Mike.

August 1989

Please don’t leave for college. Will you still promise to see me? I still haven’t told you anything. I’m so sorry that I am taking so long to say it. I’m so sorry that I don’t have the courage to send these to you. I love you, Will. I do. So much.

Love, Mike.

1990

Is college great? I’m sorry I wasn’t calling often.

I heard you’re doing great, though. With that… guy. I don’t know his name. I don’t want to know either. 

Mike.

1991

I’m sorry I don’t call anymore. 

Or write.

Or page.

I don’t feel great.

Why did you all need to leave?

October 1992

Have you heard about Radiohead?

I’ve been listening to Creep for days now.

Will. I don’t feel good.

December 1993

Merry Christmas. Happy new year.

Will, I love you. So much. I hope I said these things before. I hope I really did. I hate it. I hate that El is gone. I hate that you’re gone. I hate that you’re dating someone new. I hate that you’re doing great. I hate that everyone’s busy with their lives and nothing has changed with mine. I don’t know anymore. I love you. Is that enough for everything to come back to what it was when we were teenagers?

Love, always.

Mike.

Will couldn’t help but to cry. He reads the letters over and over again but nothing has changed. Mike has always loved him. He always knew about everything. He always cared. He didn’t want Will to leave. He cried. He just cried.

Jonathan comes inside the room, wearing a black suit and tie. He sees Will weeping his eyes out on the floor, holding hundreds of letters that Mike never sent. As if reading them will bring him back. As if it will bring everything back. He couldn’t care less if his boyfriend of four years is outside the door, trying to break up with him after knowing the truth, and he couldn’t care less if people don’t understand what he was crying about— he couldn’t care less about anything else.

“Let it all out,” Jonathan says as he wraps his arms around Will. Will cries even more. He knows this seems like an overreaction— especially that he’s crying over a friend he hasn’t talked to for years.

They lost all contact. And Will lost Mike.

Will shakes his head, “I am… I am so sorry, Mike. I’m so sorry, Mike…” He kept repeating the words over and over. His heart ached and he couldn’t breathe anymore. 

Mike wrote all these letters all these years…and Will thought that they’re just drifting apart. How did Will never notice any of this? How did he think that all these years that Mike was just sad only about El? All the regrets washed over him, flooding his thoughts, and making him cry all over. Jonathan knows Will is grieving. He is. But he doesn’t know anything else other than that. Until he glances over one letter and sees all the scribbled Love, Mike at the end. His heart sinks. His brother is grieving.

Jonathan knows that no amount of words can comfort Will right now. Not even his embrace. Not even their friends. But soon, Lucas, Dustin, and Max came— all with bloodshot eyes and snots on their noses, they all looked disheveled. They couldn’t believe what happened. They couldn’t believe that Mike could do that.

“Oh, Will,” That voice made Will’s legs weaken. Max came to him, holding him in her arms— “Oh, Will. I am so sorry…”

“He was… He was so scared to be left alone, Max. Why did he do this? What was in his mind? Why wasn’t I there for him, Max?” Will asks, repeatedly whispering the words on Max’s shoulders as Dustin and Lucas came to hug him as well.

“Don’t blame yourself, man…”

“It wasn’t any of our faults…”

Will shakes his head, “He- he loved me, Lucas. He loved me. He loved me so much… He loves me…”

Oh… The party has put the reason all together. But as much as they couldn’t understand what happened, they can’t do anything about it anymore. Now they understand. But now, Mike is gone. What are they even going to do with that information? What are they even going to do with… all this.

That day, Will didn’t go to the funeral. He didn’t go anywhere. He stayed inside Mike’s room and he didn’t talk to anyone else. He reads the letters over and over, until it’s wrinkled and wet from the tears and shuffling. His boyfriend left him. Jonathan and the party did, too. He stayed in Mike’s bed, looking over all the paintings and drawings he ever did growing up— all stuck on Mike’s wall like it’s the museum of Hawkins’ one and only Will Byers. And it was, for Mike. It was everything for Mike.

So Will hugged Mike’s last clothes he wore before the day he took his own life. The last bed sheet he used on his bed. The last blanket that smelled like home. Like Mike.

And Will Byers will never know what went inside Mike’s head in his final moments. Did Mike think about him? Did he doubt doing it, knowing that this will destroy Will so much? — will it even make a difference if Mike thought about it like that?

Will stares at the taped up ripped pictures of them as kids. The one where they wore Ghostbusters costumes. He thought… Did Mike regret it the moment he pulled the trigger? Was there any time, even a second, for him to regret it? Did he think about his love for Will… before he did it?

Oh, Mike… Will thought. “I love you. More than you ever thought I did…” He says, imagining Mike beside him— “I wish you knew. I wish you knew that it’s still you. After all these years… it’s still you.”