Chapter Text
Oh, how utterly foolish he had been.
Who was he to believe so hopefully, that it would be that simple. That anything he goes through would ever be that simple. And oh, how the fault lands on him for believing that it was. The moment that he couldn’t tell what was climbing down those stones was the same moment he should have assumed the worst. Because god forbid he’s hopeful at all, such joy could ever breach the tight cage he was always and forever trapped in.
He only really noticed and acknowledged it when he thought he was walking back to the village. He was so dissociated that he thought the off-sounding noise that he heard every time he took a step was just his mind playing tricks on him. Thought the slight difference in temperature from when he was outside of the cave earlier was the weather. Thought that gut feeling was just fright curling up inside him and tugging on his heart. It was, but not in the way that he thought.
He hadn’t been walking anywhere. Anywhere at all. He was stuck, mindlessly, in the same spot. By the time he felt like he had walked miles without getting any closer to the village, he had already realized.
He was still in the cave. Still in the cave
Still sitting there, in that cave.
He jolted back to consciousness right then, his eyes widening at the sight of cobblestone and blocks of gold flooding his vision. He threw his helmet off without hesitation, his heart picking up more and more until it was beating as if a hummingbird was trapped in his chest. The walls. The walls. The walls were everywhere. The entrance to this place was gone. He was trapped, and it was all because he had the nerve to be hopeful.
He threw up right then and there, his hands shaking and eyes watering as he went to pull out his pickaxe. But the second the tool hit the wall, it splintered into a million pieces. No good ,no good. There was ██████████ leaving this place. But he had to try. He wiped his lips with his gauntlets, the sharp metal scraping against his lips roughly and spilling blood. He barely noticed, clawing at the rubble that had blocked him in. Pulling heaps and heaps of solid rock down until his arms ached with the effort he put into it. He couldn’t get out. There was too much. He was trapped, effectively trapped inside this small pocket, and no matter how much he screamed and begged for someone, anyone to come help him, he knew that he wouldn’t be heard. He could still hear █████████ laughing, the cruel sound ringing and reverberating in his ears without end. It wouldn’t stop, it wouldn't stop, it wouldn’t stop, it wouldn’t stop-
```
It ████ like some sort of curse. His agony perpetuated by █████ and the constant torment he was forced to go through. Every time he managed to get his hands on him it was like ████████████████.
```
There is nothing I want more than to be ████████ and ████████ Haven’t I suffered enough? It feels like my mind is tearing itself apart just for the chance to die without having to ████████ yet again. I can’t stop clawing away at my skin. It feels too tight on me, like it ████████████████ and will continue too unless I rip it all off and ████████████████
```
He will no longer follow me if he loses sight of my soul. I will be ████████████████ I have nothing left, he wil take ████████████████ and it will ████████████████████████████████
```
Thereisnothingthereisnothingthereisnothingthereisnothingthereisnothingthereisnothingthereisnothingthereisnothing
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````Wait, my left or yours?
“There is a clear difference here, ███████”
“What might that be?”
“Did you ever give up?”
“I lost my mind, and lost you, for a time, yes.”
“But did you give up?”
“I…suppose I didn’t.”
“And here I am, yes?”
“Yes, you are.”
“So lighten up man! Sweating these things is horrible for your mental. And don’t give me any of that ‘my mental’s already fucked up’ crap because we’re workin on it! Just let loose and relax a little and I’ll take care of you. I’ll always take care of you.”
“...yes, I suppose you will. Doesn’t mean I want you too though.”
“Doesn’t matter. I █████ you too much to let you do anything alone.”
“...I’m glad, █████ I…████ you too.”
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This was not how Avery wanted to spend the little break he and d3rLord3 managed to scrape together, at all, but he couldn’t deny the utter thrill that was coursing through his veins as he cut down one fake villager after another. But man, they were persistent, endlessly reaching to grasp and pull, and slash at the slime no matter how much he cut them down.
Avery grunted as he felt one of the fake villagers grab a hold of his arm, their hand quickly and strategically going for his neck soon after in order to crush it within its fist. And it tries, Avery can give it that, but it seems they’re too mindless to realize that he was a slime. That shit wasn’t going to work no matter which way they attempted to do so. Avery takes his opening without a hitch and grabs the villager by the wrist, pulling it over his shoulder and slamming it onto the ground before gripping the hilt of his sword and driving it square through its throat, the life draining from it instantly. Avery tugged his bloodstained blade out of the body and looked towards the crowd of villagers, watching as they stepped back in hesitation.
“Nah, you guys aren’t going anywhere. Square up.”
Without missing a beat, Avery reels his hand back and chucks his sword at full speed at some unsuspecting villager, the sword going right through its head with ease as he runs forward. He dropkicks another villager in the face before dodging a hit from another one and letting them hit the one right next to him, then promptly plucking his sword back from the poor villager it hit earlier. The grass was soaked with blood, so was his sword, so were his clothes. In fact, the blood was mixing in with his slimy being, coating him in red. However, he barely even noticed, too locked in on the task at hand. Plus, it was so nice to just finally…let loose for once.
He’s always had to hold back majorly when it came to things like this. In skywars, going all out would mean killing someone for real, and obviously, that’s against the rules. He’s never gotten to use all of his strength like this. Don’t get him wrong, it's not like he doesn’t want to hold back. He wouldn’t want to be looked at as some kind of murder…but.
This…lets him be just a little sadistic, just a bit.
By the time Avery was done, the village was nothing but a field of crimson, standing out starkly against the yellow sky. He let out a huff as he pulled his sword out of the last villager’s chest, flicking it to the side to get the blood off of it. And now, he’s putting two and two together. Who was without doubt, absolutely behind all of this? That rat bastard of a monarch, of course! God forbid they get to rest for five fucking seconds without-
“Fuck, d3rLord3.”
Avery practically shoves his sword into his inventory, taking off as soon as the realization hits him. Oh, he got so carried away. How long did he spend fighting off that hoard while d3rLord3 was still in that cave. The mere fact that the knight hadn’t come out yet was confirmation that he was stuck somewhere. He almost trips as he finally stops in front of the entrance, trying his best to wrack his brain for where d3rLord3 might be. He knows that he went straight ahead, but after that, he hadn’t the slightest idea where he could have ended up. He groaned in both worry and annoyance as he decided to just wing it, heading into the cave immediately.
It's darker inside than before, for some reason. Avery’s sure that he and d3rLord3 lined the walls with nothing but torches, but now they're gone, making it even harder for the slime to navigate through them. That’s just his luck, honestly. Though, he tries to stick to traversing straight ahead, his eyes straining to see ahead of him. He knew he was cooked if something hostile approached him from the dark; he wasn’t good at fighting blind at all. Fortunately, the only thing hostile to him was the wall he managed to run right into.
He unsticks his face from the wall, blinking in confusion as his palms rest against it. Did d3rLord3 not come through here? Did he turn back and go somewhere else at this point? He shook his head and was just about to turn around when something in his gut told him that he absolutely had to mine through that stone. It would be a waste of time if there was nothing there, but he felt compelled. Not in a bad way, though. Not like he feels around that King.
His hands hover over his pickaxe for just a moment before he fully commits and pulls it out, swinging it high over his shoulder and bringing it down with a cloud clank!
He swung again. And again
And again.
And again.
Until there was merely a thin layer of cobblestone left, until he could see the light of a single torch shining through a singular hole. He swung again, and his pickaxe broke into pieces, but he barely paid it any mind, crawling through the small hole and out into the small cavern, his heart dropping to his ass as he looked up.
Fear was not a thing that Avery felt frequently. His carefree nature made sure of that. Credit could also be given to the fact that he was just a bit of an idiot. Yes, it was true, sometimes things that should scare him out of his wits would barely make him bat an eye because of the single fact that he couldn’t understand it. The last time he recalls feeling any kind of fear was in that tunnel. The same one that kickstarted his journey to this point, and even that was mild.
This. This was so stomach churning that it legitimately made him feel sick. It was almost like the first time he actually had a conversation with the knight, but so, so much worse.
Whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy
Avery rushed forward without even a moment to think, sliding to the floor as his arms wrapped around the broken, crumpled body of d3rLord3. What a sight it made. One was stained with blood that did not belong to him, and one was covered with blood that was entirely his own. Barely even breathing at this point, Avery tilted d3rLord3’s helmetless head up, staring at the slash positioned right on his neck, right on his throat. He cursed aloud at the fact that his stupid fucking slimy hand kept slipping off because of the blood, and promptly took off his undershirt pressing the cloth to d3rLord3’s throat.
It was still intact. It was fine, he missed his jugular. Thank god.
He must have been hysterical. He wouldn’t have missed if he wasn’t.
“Fuckfuckshitshitshitshitshit…”
Avery curses numerous times, trying to think of what to do. Between the two of them, he wasn’t at all the thinker. But screw that, if he didn’t pull himself together right now and focus, d3rLord3 was going to die, right here and now. The slime didn’t give a shit if that might’ve been what the knight wanted, he didn’t want that, goddamnit. He didn’t care if it was selfish.
Avery cursed loudly once more as he made the hasty decision to tie the shirt right around the wound tightly and pick d3rLord3 up, rushing out of the cave. He wouldn’t die. Not on his watch.
```
It was a strange feeling indeed.
Death was something d3rLord3 knew everything about. He knew how cold he would feel as he finally sunk into inky blackness. He knew how destitute and empty he would end up when he finally gave in to an eternity of nothing. And he was content. He was okay with it. He never wanted to feel the crushing weight of torment he was put through again. So he would die, and that would be the end of it. It was easier that way.
It was easy to pull out his sword and press it against his neck. It was easy to forget about all his troubles before making the final decision. But one thing he didn’t account for was how scared he would be. He hadn’t imagined his hands would shake so much, he hadn’t imagined that he would cry, truly, and honestly cry, and he hadn’t imagined that his last thoughts before doing the deed would be of that slime.
He knew he would be ridden with guilt for leaving him alone like this, but this way, He wouldn’t be after him anymore. He could leave this world and forget about him and the King and live out his regular life. He could play skywars and make videos and find new hobbies and be free from all of this.
Wouldn’t d3rLord3 be doing him a favour?
To be honest, d3rLord3 wasn’t expecting death to be so different from what he knew it to be. The utter warmth surrounding him was palpable. He felt cradled in the arms of someone who truly loved him, and it didn’t make him feel sick or want him to hurry up and die faster. It was like he was being held by someone he didn’t know that well, but loved him all the same.
Was this…the Heavenly Father that they speak of? He hadn’t truly believed it at all, but if god is truly real, than he isn’t surprised that his embrace feels like this/
That’s…strange. It’s kind of sticky as well-
d3rLord3 gasped as he jolted back to consciousness, his heart beating in his chest as he’s blinded by nothing but pure light. He blinks a few times, but the bright light won’t go away, and now there was a figure starting to block his view.
“...god…?” he says deliriously, trying to get his brain to function properly. He’s never felt so blissful before, it was kind of nice. Of course, the figure spoke back.
“Pfft-...don’t even, dude.”
Okay, yeah, no. He was still alive.
He quickly sat up, ignoring the way his body decided to punish him for being insane enough to do so in the first place, and he was promptly pulled back into the embrace of Avery. God, his body hurt. He just sat back and went still for a moment, still not fully tapped in to what was going on. Avery, on the other hand, was completely silent. d3rLord3 would usually expect the slime to crack some sort of joke or laugh at the current situation in some way, shape, or form, but he was deathly quiet, adding to d3rLord3’s disorientation. After a few minutes of simply sitting there, the knight finally perked up again, sitting up and pushing away from Avery, though he was rendered frozen by the look on his face.
He’s never seen the slime look quite so somber. It honestly caught him off guard. He opens his mouth to speak, but he soon comes to the conclusion that nothing he thinks to say is right in this situation. Thankfully, Avery spoke first.
“I just can’t understand you at all, d3r,” he mutters, not moving an inch towards d3rLord3 like he usually does when he’s speaking to the knight. Whether it was leaning over his shoulder or an arm around it, Avery was always touchy. But now? Now it felt like he was almost afraid to even reach out to him a little.
“I can’t act like I don’t know what drove you to…do such a thing. I know, I get it, to an extent. But still, god, why?”
The knight didn’t speak for a moment, trying to figure out how exactly to respond to that. He wishes he didn’t throw his helmet away earlier, it was so much easier to think when he wasn't being perceived.
“I’m tired, Avery.” He finally speaks, though his voice is but a husk of the strong, clear tone it usually is.
“I have been tired. No matter what I do, no matter how many precautions I take and scenarios I formulate in my head, I can’t escape Him. He doesn’t even have to try at all, and I’m always left to endure it. I don’t want to endure it. I don’t want to survive it. I just want to let go.”
There isn’t a word for it. Not one that fully encapsulates how it feels to have something constantly and endlessly infect your mind with things no mortal should ever even have the faintest idea of, and then incessantly terrorize your psyche for its own sick amusement. It was so undeniably cruel, and so, so easily avoidable. The phrase ‘curiosity killed the cat’ continues to reign true.
“You mean you want to give up?” Avery abruptly says, sourness leaking into his tone despite his efforts to keep it out. He can’t help but feel angry, even though d3rLord3’s predicament was completely understandable. He knows, oh, does he know, but he finds it so utterly infuriating that they’ve gotten so far, and now d3rLord3 can’t go on? After living through such things for so long already? The things he thinks of are selfish, he knows, but giving up is always something he’s loathed with all his heart.
“After all that effort you’ve put into merely being alive, into persevering for so long, you’re going to let the likes of that fucking chud of a god kill you!?”
“At least I’d be dying by my own hand.”
“Yeah, as if that’s not a cowardly way out.”
“You talk as if it’s only a small plight I’m dealing with! I just want to be free-...!”
“And you’ll leave me behind in the process of that!?”
Please, please, listen to my pleas, I don’t want to be alone once again.
I’ve never met someone whom I could call a friend.
d3rLord3 falls silent once again at Avery’s outburst, turning away from the slime abruptly. He can’t bear to see those sticky tears run down his face. Avery stared at the knight’s back, his heart beating faster in his chest at the quiet. Why wouldn’t he answer him? Why was he so adamant on this now? Avery silently curses himself for taking his suicidal nature so lightly in the beginning, perhaps if he didnt’t, they wouldn’t have ended up at this point.
“Say something, d3rLord3.”
Anything would be fine at this point.
“At least, if I’m dead, you won’t have to worry about not getting to live out the rest of your life normally, Avery. He wouldn’t be after you anymore.”
“What if He goes ahead and gravitates to me anyway, d3rLord3? What then?”
“He won’t.”
“You don’t know that!”
“I do.”
“No you fucking don’t! Look me in the eyes and say that you're telling me the truth!”
And of course, he doesn’t turn, and Avery can’t tell if it's because he’s going despondent or just lying. He wants to believe it's the former, but it's most definitely the latter. Avery sighs, turning away as well, heading for the door. He needs to get some fresh air. Clear his head a bit. If not, he and d3rLord3 were going to talk in circles over and over again without end. He knows leaving a person who’s just tried to kill themselves for the nth time wasn’t exactly a great idea, bur fuck it, he’s already gotten rid of every single sharp object in that bedroom, (including those busted up gauntlets), got rid of the chair in there and is going to block the door with that fatass couch so he can’t possibly get out.
Avery doesn’t care enough to think about how ridiculous that was, as long as the knight couldn't attempt that shit again, he was fine.
He just needs a moment.
```
The silence that greeted d3rLord3 after Avery’s departure did not comfort him the slightest. He expected such, yes, but he did not quite anticipate how… terrible it made him feel. He thought it would be better, not having to see that awful, pained look on the slime’s face. To not hear the obvious hurt in his voice as he confronted d3rLord3 about his attempts, but somehow, the fact that he’s not here is worse.
So much worse.
And it's so damn loud without him here.
Now that the knight thinks about it, this was the perfect opportunity to finally do it, uninterrupted. Avery has already run off to somewhere, probably forgetting the fact that d3rLord3 knows everything, including ways to kill himself the fastest. For god’s sake, there was still a window in here. But d3rLord3 already knows that Avery doesn’t always think of everything. He could end it right now, and the slime wouldn’t be able to make it in time, no matter how fast he runs.
He does not inch towards the window at all, he doesn’t even look at it.
Because he knows death won’t be as comforting and welcoming as that slime’s arms.
He doesn’t even know when it happened, when he became too attached. How can you be so attached to someone you’ve barely known for a week? It hasn’t been long at all since they started their little journey, but somehow, that slime managed to worm his way into d3rLord3's heart and stay rooted inside no matter what. It’s honestly driving him insane thinking about the logistics of it, but honestly? He doesn’t want to.
He knows deep down that he doesn’t truly wish to die, that it's just some irrational part of him longing to be free from the anguish his situation has brought him, and the fact that he’d been clinging on for so long is proof. Avery was right, giving up after making it this far was just plain idiotic.
The knight sighs and sinks down onto the plush bed, not bothering to cover his ears this time. He wants to know how long it’ll take before the slime comes back.
```
Part of him doesn’t know why he bothered.
Avery had been walking around aimlessly for a solid twenty minutes now, and he was starting to regret ever trying to save d3rLord3. Okay, no, that was a lie. Even if he went back in time at this very moment, he’d probably do it again and again and never learn his lesson, but that wasn’t the point.
d3rLord3 was starting to strike Avery as the type of person who will refuse to be saved, no matter how much he knows he wants it. It’s so mind-numbingly annoying and Avery. can and can’t understand it at the same time. He knows d3rLord3will probably ignore and forget about all the things he said in that damn inn anyway, because all that's taking up space in his mind was that King. That King, that King, that King, the sole reason for all of this utter bullshit. God, if Avery ever gets his hands on that motherfucker he swears…
The slime finally comes to a stop in front of an open lake, the water reflecting the light of the yellow sky back onto his face. He can understand this about d3rLord3, this color was starting to make his skin crawl. He sinks down onto the grass at the edge of the water, staring at his bloodstained clothes and face while deep in thought.
d3rLord3 had failed at doing that to himself multiple times, but what is he gonna do when he finally succeeds? What is his life gonna be like when he has to walk through it by himself again? He can think of nothing but a blank slate if the King doesn’t divert his attention to him, and if he does, he can imagine himself as some kind of mind controlled puppet for the king, forced to do his bidding and curry his favour forever until he withers away.
Avery shudders at that thought. Loss of agency was scary.
He reaches down and scoops up a bit of water, trying to wash off the blood with it. It doesn’t really work, the crimson stains stuck to his skin like glue. He groans.
“God damn it, I should have fought naked or something. I look like I massacred an entire village.”
He did, but he forgets that in the current moment.
…
Avery really, really doesn’t think he’ll be able to take it if that man dies. It's not just because he risked his life for him or thinks that he won’t be able to survive without him, but because for some reason, he just can’t seem to imagine letting him go. He doesn’t think he’s a clingy person, but he’s never quite met someone he’s felt too comfortable and carefree around. Like he could do almost anything and d3rLord3 would happily watch him (with a healthy dose of nagging and worrying of course) achieve whatever he wants to. Like the knight would always be by his side, forever, because that’s what he promised to do, right?
It's not normal to be so attached to someone you’ve met not even that long ago, but for Avery, having someone stick around for that long and genuinely show care for you was everything to him. Avery did not want to let him go.
So fuck it, he wouldn’t. He’ll drag that knight back to that base kicking and screaming if it meant that he would survive in the end. He’d face off against the King himself if it meant that he could live. Even if he was broken in the end, even if he died in the end, as long as that man was still breathing, it was enough for him.
The blood washed off of the surface of his skin after the second time. He got up and ran when he saw that it did.
He made it back to the inn in record time, nearly sliding past the door in his haste to get to it. He unlocks it with shaky hands and bolts to the bedroom, kicking the couch out of the way before slamming the door open, breathing heavily as he stared at the knight, still sitting there on the bed, slowly turning to look at him.
“Why were you in such a hurry? Nothing was after you.” d3rLord3 speaks first, hoping to immediately make the mood less tense than it was just a bit ago. Avery simply points a finger at him, frowning.
“Don’t even try it, buddy.”
Nevermind, he should apparently never do that again, please and thank you. He understands.
Avery lets out a huff before gently shutting the door behind him, walking over to the other side of the bed and sitting down with d3rLord3, the bed sinking a little under his weight. He remained silent for a moment before finally speaking, and the words that he says render the knight a little speechless.
“Yo, I think I’m lowkey an idiot. I left you in here with a glass window.” He puts his head in his hands as he speaks, and honestly gets a chuckle out of the knight.
“You did do that.”
“And I locked you in here. Like you weren’t just freaking out because you were trapped earlier.”
“I must admit, this place is less claustrophobic.”
“And why the hell are YOU cracking jokes, my guy?”
“Oh yes indeed, because I can’t laugh at my own folly.”
“No, you actually can’t, because technically it’s not your fault-...and you’re laughing again.”
Avery’s honestly right, he shouldn’t be laughing at all. But the sight of him looking so stressed in such a way was getting to d3rLord3. Seeing someone who’s usually so laid back and happy-go-lucky lose their minds was very amusing. But, he did get quiet when the slime looked at him seriously. Avery scoots closer to d3rLord3, and his gaze softens when he doesn’t.
“d3rLord3, listen to me for a moment, okay? Open your ears and pay attention,” he starts, his hands clasping together in his lap.
“I know what I say might not mean much to you, I get how braindead I can be, but please, s-suicide isn’t the way to go. Like I said before, it’s never the way to go. And I’m really sorry it took me this long to lock in about it. I know you’re exhausted from having to deal with the nightmarish things the King makes you go through, but you absolutely, positively can’t give up, okay?”
d3rLord3 nodded, but it seemed halfhearted, so Avery gets a little bit more direct, reaching out to grab his shoulders and shake him slightly, so he can see reason.
“It might be selfish, the way I see it, but I don’t want to be alone. More importantly, I don’t want you to be robbed of the life you could have if you simply just continued on, however mundane it might be. Although, it probably won’t be so mundane if I’m there, yeah? I’ll teach you about skywars, and how to hold a sword properly and all that! And you can teach me about boring scientific smart people stuff and share your ideas with me, and we can keep going like that f-...”
He cuts himself off, reeling back just a bit, a little shocked at his own words. Did he really just say all that? And was he just about to say that he thinks he was going to? He’s straight up mortified about how bold he’s being, but d3rLord3 manages to briefly stomp his worries out with just a few words.
“I understand, Avery. I really do.”
It's hard, yes, but there's still so much to do, no?
“All this time, I’ve continuously attempted to die; not because I truly wished to, but because I simply did not want to be tormented any longer. But It’s not so hard witty you ny my side, Avery. It's like…you make it easier to breathe, to think, and remember what my life was like before all of this. And I’ll be honest, I quite liked my life. So there.”
Avery simply stared at the knight wide eyed, his head tilting to the side slightly. He was genuinely prepared to yap all day and night about this until d3rLord3 saw reason, until he understood. Even if the man’s heart remained in stained and bloody pieces, sharp to the touch so nobody would dare to put it back together. Avery wouldn’t mind getting cut. Makes no difference to a slime anyway!
But man, what a relief.
“Are you seriou-...”
“Yes, I’m serious, Avery.”
“So you won’t…?”
“No, Avery, I won’t try killing myself again. If I just die though, that’s a whole different story.”
The slime momentarily pouted at that, but the alleviation that came from d3rLord3’s words cured the offense he took to that statement. Even though it was ridiculous. Who says Avery’ll ever let him die?
Avery lets out a sigh he’d been holding in for almost the entire day, flopping down onto his back and letting his eyes flutter shut. He needed some shut eye, undeniably. They had come to this place to relax, but they’ve been doing literally the exact opposite the moment they arrived. He’s not sure he’ll get up for the next week, honestly. Plus, it's much quieter around here now. Courtesy of himself.
d3rLord3 watched him roll around on the bed, sympathetic for the amount of shit he had to deal with all by himself today. Him adding to it was just the rotten cherry of the burnt cake, but he digresses. Though there is one thing…
“How’d you manage to get so little blood on you after you slimed an entire town?”
Avery’s eyes shoot back open wide.
“Fuck, you saw all that???”
Of course d3rLord3 did. Avery wasn’t slick at all.