Chapter Text
Charlie wakes up in the morning with a pounding headache and exhaustion, struggling to get out of bed. The clock reads 9:37. No wonder he slept so long. He went to bed very late last night. Nick is no longer beside him.
25-year-old Nick Nelson works as a personal trainer at the Ríz Levente Sports Hall. A well-respected rugby player, he has countless clients to choose from. He’s proud of Charlie — for several reasons. Mostly because Charlie hasn’t had a rough patch in a long time and is handling daily life very well. Mostly without anxiety. Of course, Nick isn’t happy about how much Charlie pushes himself late into the night with all his work…
Charlie is 22 and mostly survives on odd jobs. He lives with Nick and loves him endlessly, though sometimes he struggles to understand why Nick even wants to be with him. After all, Charlie doesn’t contribute much financially. They live off Nick’s income, while Charlie’s “salary” (if it can be called that) is more like pocket money than real earnings.
The day is already well underway when Charlie’s phone buzzes. It’s an unknown number, but Charlie is used to calls like this. Mostly work-related, though misdials aren’t uncommon either.
“Hello?”
Charlie feels it’s too early to talk, but to his utter shock, a familiar voice comes from the other end.
“Charlie… is that you?!”
The curly-haired boy feels blood freeze in his veins… He hasn’t heard that voice in so long, and he’s wanted to forget it. Anxiety sneaks back into his bones.
“B… Ben…”
“Still haven’t learned to talk properly?! You’re so hot when you’re scared.”
A shiver ran down Charlie’s spine like ants crawling through a nest. He can’t speak. He wants to hang up and forget it all… but he can’t. It’s as if his body has been frozen in place. How does Ben even know his number? And why is he contacting him after all this time?!
“Charlie?! …Pathetic… Hello? I know you’re there.”
Charlie can almost feel Ben licking his lips in that familiar way.
“W… what do you want?”
His voice comes out as a ridiculously high-pitched squeak, but he can’t control it.
“You.”
Charlie feels like he’s about to collapse. He has to sit down on the bed.
“B… But… that… can’t… It… c…can’t…”
Ben laughs into the line.
“I’ll be looking for you!”
And then the line goes dead.
Charlie jumps. The phone slips from his hands. He completely forgets the jobs he had planned for today. He’s frozen.
What will Nick say? No! He can’t tell him! Everything was going so well! He’s better now! Much better! He can’t go back there just because the boy who terrorized him for years has returned…
Charlie tries to push these awful thoughts from his mind. He knows he needs to think clearly and can’t let small, insignificant disruptions throw him off, so he tries to pull himself together, stomach in knots, and heads to the kindergarten where he volunteers with the children. In all the chaos, he completely forgets breakfast! Damn… The thought rushes through his mind. He thinks of the sandwich Nick generously packed for him every morning… It feels like he’s betraying his boyfriend. But no matter how many times he thinks about it, the shiver in his body only grows unbearable.
“Just one missed breakfast. It’ll be okay! He’ll eat when he gets home. He’ll do it! He hasn’t relapsed! There’s no reason to worry. He just forgot. It happens to anyone. Right?”
Desperately, he tries to calm himself as anxiety tightens its grip.
At the kindergarten, everything goes smoothly. He plays with Fiona, one of the girls, and corrects Lucifer when he tries to take Lucas’s toy cars. It’s a relatively normal day — except for the dullness in his mind and the nausea-inducing thoughts, vivid memories of Ben…
On the walk home, he tries to remind himself about lunch, but he knows Nick will be home. And if Nick sees that Charlie is having a rough day, he’ll surely help. But Charlie doesn’t want to put that burden on him. He can’t…
Nick opens the door happily when Charlie knocks.
“Char! Oh my God, I missed you so much!”
He pulls Charlie into a tight hug.
“How was your day? How was the kindergarten?”
“It was good, and the kids were nice too.”
Charlie feels embarrassed, and his mind is still foggy and dull from the missed breakfast.
“Has he softened? He used to go longer without eating…”
This thought spreads like wildfire through his mind, but he tries to push it away as Nick leads him into the room.
Nick doesn’t seem to pick up on it, which strikes Charlie as very unusual. If anyone could read him, it’s Nick.
The blonde takes the brown-haired boy’s hand and leads him to the couch, then leans as close as he can. He watches Charlie’s lips and whispers:
“Char… I love you so much!”
Then he pulls him into a deep, heartfelt kiss.
“I love you too,” Charlie groans, as Nick’s body presses more firmly against his. Nick traps him in a web-like embrace and kisses him passionately. Their bodies burn with a strange intensity as Nick plays Don’t Stop Me Now. He moves around the room with Charlie in his arms, gently swept along by Nick’s strong movements.
Charlie surrenders to the moment, even forgetting Ben for a brief instant. But such moments never last long, right?
As Nick presses more urgently against him, pushing Charlie against the wall, panic floods Charlie. Memories of Ben become overwhelming:
“No!!… Let go!”
“You’re mine, Charlie Spring! Mine!”
Ben’s blood-curdling snarl, his aggressive kisses, the pain that tore through him when Ben pushed them down — it all comes rushing back.
“Char… Charlie… Charlie!… CHARLIE!!!”
Nick’s worried voice snaps Charlie out of the panic. His gaze sharpens again, and he looks at his warm-hearted boyfriend in terror.
“I… I’m okay!”
But it isn’t true. And Charlie knows that Nick knows…
Nick steps back, giving Charlie space.
“I’m sorry… sorry…”
Charlie groans, still shaken and gasping for air. He doesn’t fully understand, and he even feels a little dizzy.
“Char… don’t say that. W… What happened?”
Nick looks at Charlie with gentle, doe-like eyes, and Charlie would give anything not to see the worry there.
“I’m really okay, it’s just… I don’t know. Something came to mind.”
“What?” Nick asks, genuinely concerned.
“Not important. Just a memory.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Um… no. But I’ll be fine. Really.”
Charlie smiles, lips trembling, but he means it. He just needs to forget. Talking about it would make the memories more vivid, and he can’t allow that.
Nick doesn’t seem fully convinced, but he smoothly changes the topic.
“Are you hungry? I made some rice and steamed veggies.”
Charlie’s stomach tightens. He knows he hasn’t eaten yet today and should. He feels bad for straying from his strict meal plan by skipping breakfast. He doesn’t want to repeat it, but every time he thinks of the food, Ben comes to mind, and he can’t bear it. Yet he knows he needs to eat. For some reason, hunger feels much harder to endure today, which frustrates him.
“Nick… I’m really not hungry right now. I’ll eat later, I promise.”
“Char…”
“I’m just tired. It’s okay. Really! I’ll eat! Seriously…”
Charlie doesn’t fully believe himself either, but he doesn’t want to dump it on Nick. After all, he’s fine… right? Everyone has bad days. This is just a bad day! He’s sure of that.
By evening, even simple tasks feel enormous. Charlie just wants to crawl back into bed. If Nick didn’t have an online class, he’d surely be bustling around him. But Charlie doesn’t mind. If Nick knew he was going to bed without dinner, he’d freak out.
Charlie sighs deeply as he puts on his pajamas. He feels so old.
“Was it always like this? Or have I just softened?”
No! He can’t think like that. He just needs to sleep and start fresh in the morning. He’ll eat, forget Ben, and everything will be “perfect.”