Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Xavier gets dragged through the Overworld with his brother still clinging to his hand, ‘Suma clearly terrified to lose him in the transition between servers; he’d laugh, if he couldn’t read the grief painfully evident on his twin's face. He, uh, may have been somewhat incorrect in his calculations about how much his ‘death’ would affect Xisuma. 

Oops.

Having lost a shoe fleeing the End, Xavier is preemptively steadying himself before they arrive; if he’s going to meet new people - especially friends of Zed and Cleo - he wants every scrap of dignity he can get whilst still soaked in blood. The precaution, frankly, does nothing to help when he lands on a thick rectangle of plastic instead of the floor and slips over backwards, just barely catching himself on Xisuma in time.  

Oblivious as ever, his brother doesn’t notice a thing until Xavier’s forced to pull away from him to keep his balance; ‘Suma lets go, albeit reluctantly, but Xavier’s much more focused on the glass he’s just stepped in than his brother’s feelings because holy fuck ouch- 

Why does the world fucking hate him, again?

Ignoring the glass poking through his sock, Xavier tries to take in his surroundings as best as he can amidst the chaos they’ve landed in. It’s an odd kind of war council room - if that is indeed what it is - filled with clutter and paperwork, an oddly elaborate light, and only one exit. The plastic he’d tripped over, on closer inspection, appears to be a… computer? A weirdly thin computer that Xavier sincerely hopes was broken before he stepped on it. Seriously, the universe owes him at least that much. 

No matter how weird the place is, however, it doesn’t hold a candle to its inhabitants. People are already shouting, moving; a blur of rainbow wings bowls Tango over as a blonde human pulls Zed to his feet; another, who'd been sitting on the table, simply flutters her wings in delight. He's in the middle of trying to mentally rank threats - blonde lady has a sword at her waist, and it looks like she knows how to use it - when the true insanity of the world Xavier's found himself in presents itself in the form of a- is that a fucking puppet?! 

Xavier's already retreated far enough into the Hall that when the puppet-thing darts forward he's got nowhere else to go, and bloody hell that thing's uncanny; between reaching arms and eyes almost wider than its face Xavier doesn't think he's been in a war-zone more scary than the toy darting towards him. And it's not like he's a coward - hell, he has the medals to prove it - but it's still a fight not to let the relief show on his face when the thing throws itself on Cleo instead.

Who, of course, drops to her knees to return the hug.

Because of course they do, because no-one in the Overworld has the sense of a shell-less shulker. 

Trying to look anywhere that isn't the odd proportions of the blue puppet now perched on Cleo's shoulder, Xavier's gaze falls instead on the human previously sat on the table; she'd moved, at some point, and now appears to be engaged in scolding his brother. He'd intervene if his brother seemed the slightest bit worried, but, well, he doesn't. Xisuma's changed so much it's almost scary; Xavier remembers his brother as someone to protect, to push behind him at the first sign of trouble. This- this is not how their relationship works, how anything works. And when even that, the closest thing he's got to familiarity, is near unrecognisable. It's scarier than he's willing to admit, even to himself.

Especially to himself. 

Xavier's saved from the horrors of self reflection when the door slams open and a new threat walks in, a tall, well built hybrid, whose skin - what little that isn't mechanical - is a striking green. That alone is more than enough to put his hackles up, and combined with a furious expression and scorched labcoat- well. If Zed hadn't gotten a restraining hand on his shoulder in time Xavier would have thrown himself in front of his twin on pure instinct alone.

Fortunately, though, Zedaph does exactly that, and it's a mark of just how much he'd come to trust the man that he skids to a stop without so much as a protest. The pause, involuntary as it may be, gives him time to notice Xisuma's expression, his body language; even when Labcoat starts yelling, he doesn't seem scared. Is X that sure of his own power? Or does he just, like, trust these people that much? 

"You okay?", Zed asks, and Xavier doesn't really know what to say to that because Wings is blocking his best exit and Labcoat reeks of gunpowder and his body aches all over, and he, unlike his brother, can't turn his fucking pain off. Which- huh. 

All of a sudden it makes a lot more sense why Xisuma hadn't noticed Xavier almost falling on top of him; he's gone and fucked with his bloody senses again. Hadn't this dumbass collapsed the last time he'd tried that?? Annoyed at his brother's never ending stupidity, Xavier opens his mouth to complain, but gets maybe a syllable in when the world rudely interrupts him by beginning to spin. Seriously, the Overworld has far too many colours. And noises. And people. Lots of things, actually; he'd make a list, but he's not, you know, a nerd. That's 'Suma's job. 

By the time Xavier's managed to collect himself, he's been pushed into a seat beside his brother, with Zed fussing over him; Xisuma seems like he'd be following suit if Labcoat would let him stand up. Mentally, Xavier rolls his eyes, because it's ridiculous how much people worry over stupid things and, uh- where's Cleo gone? It's not just her; Puppet and Sword-Lady are nowhere to be seen, and at some point a full on demon? had? entered? and is now hugging Tango? 

Okay, maybe there are a few things to worry about. 

Trying to distract himself from that sobering thought, Xavier tunes back into the conversation at hand to find Labcoat torn between lamenting that 'Suma hadn't noticed his own tailbone was broken and giving Xavier a full medical check, which, um, "Fuck no."

The entire room turns to stare at him, but Xisuma just blinks, ever the polite one, "I- Xav, you need to-"

"Like hell I'm taking medical advice from someone who regularly fucks with their own pain receptors," Xavier retorts, and tries not to feel guilty when Xisuma flinches back. Or when Labcoat stops staring at Xavier to turn on X instead, eyes widening in disbelief, "'Suma."

Xavier blinks. Did they- "...did they not know that..." 

"No!" X snaps, switching to Galactic as he does, "No! Obviously!" 

Labcoat interrupts before Xavier can even consider if he should apologise, "You can't be serious, X."

Xisuma doesn't respond, just looks away guiltily, and Labcoat lists an impressive string of what, by tone alone, are clearly swear words, even if they aren't in any language Xavier can understand; X goes to say something, but Labcoat isn't having it, "Don't you dare language me, man. You make this is a swearing situation, you deal with the consequences. Turn it back on. Now!" 

"Yeah, that can't be good for you," Wings adds, and Xavier- it's not quite a grin, but it's not not one either. Sue him, it's nice to know his brother has friends now, "It's not. Last time he collapsed."

"That wasn't last time! That was a decade ago!"

"So when was the last time?"

"I- none of your business!" X responds, almost more annoyed than Xavier's ever heard him, "When was the last time you ate?"

And, oh, if they're going there- "When was the last time you slept?!"

"Last night!"

"Because Keralis blackmailed you," pipes up Bird helpfully, and Xisuma throws his hands in the air, "Grian!" 

Bird - or Grian, if that's his name - simply gives X an evil grin, "Speaking of," he interrupts, "how about I message Keralis to meet you guys at 'Suma's base, and you can do the weird injury stuff there?"

Xisuma somehow manages to perk up and visibly deflate at the same time as the mention of whoever the fuck Keralis is, and Xavier watches, intrigued, as his brother concedes, "...fine. Can I lie down first?"

Oh, Xavier likes this Keralis guy. 

With some kind of agreement reached, the room drifts back to life. Bird, Tango and the demon take their leave; to Xavier's horror, Labcoat and 'Suma convince Zed to go with them. Xisuma moves to stand up, but doesn't get very far before Labcoat scoops him up in a princess carry that 'Suma should be a lot, lot more embarrassed about than he is; no, the idiot just murmurs some pathetic protest about how that's unnecessary and then fucking melts into the man's shoulder. Melts! Ugh. Seriously, how are they even related - and, more to the point, could he conceivably pretend they aren't? Hey, it would save him a lot of embarrassment. 

He's still pondering the idea when his twin opens some kind of bloody portal in the middle of the hall they're in - add that to the list of abilities that would have saved their asses ten years ago - and Labcoat steps through, with Wings (wait, does having wings make her a hybrid? Can humans have wings?) gesturing for him to follow, "You first, mate." 

And he probably shouldn't turn his back on someone he doesn't even know the name of, but if Xisuma trusts these people that much- well. Xavier can suck it up for a few more hours. 

So, despite his better instincts, he goes. 

For a moment, stepping into the room on the other side, Xavier seriously considers if he's gone mad. Twice the size of the room they'd shared at home, it's so Xisuma that it hurts: cluttered, and cosy, and utterly overflowing with books. Like, if Xavier counted up every book he'd ever seen, he'd have maybe half the total in the room before him; hell, the most he'd ever seen in one place before was three - and that had been Xisuma's collection! That had been one of the most impressive collections in the entire fucking place! 

Xavier's still trying to pick his jaw up off the ground when Labcoat places X down on his bed with a gentleness Xavier didn't think was possible in someone that intimidating, and motions for Xavier to sit down; he complies, even as Wings exits with some excuse about putting 'the kettle' on. Labcoat doesn't even wait for them to leave before he's turning on X, "'Suma."

"I'm doing it! Give me a second-"

No sooner has he said it than he gives the weakest of cries - a mangled attempt at Xavier's name - and collapses into unconsciousness; they both move simultaneously, Xavier grabbing his brother's hand even as Labcoat begins to scan his code; eventually, he leans back with a sigh. 

"He'll be fine. His code seems to have stabilised, from the little I can tell; anything more intricate is Grian or Joe's purview. Your turn."

Ah. Xavier had really been hoping he'd forgotten about that, a notion he's disabused of very quickly when the man steps forward, and Xavier back, "No."

Labcoat raises an eyebrow, "...Sorry?"

"No." Xavier repeats obstinately. Like hell he's letting someone he doesn't know give him a medical exam.

"You appear to think it is optional."

"...is that a threat?"

"Not if you don't force me to make it one-"

The door swings open as Wings flits in, whistling cheerily at the top of her voice; she stops abruptly as she sees them both, glaring at each other from opposite sides of the room; Xavier with his hand around the dagger in his belt. Labcoat opens his mouth, perhaps to explain the situation; perhaps not; Xavier's got no intention of finding out. Whilst they're both too surprised - one from the entrance, one from entering - to stop him, he darts round Wings and runs for it, sprinting down a corridor heedless of the fact he has no idea where he's going and still only one fucking shoe.

Fuck it, perhaps he should just respawn. At home, a respawn like that would come with a fine, a deterrent to keep people from unnecessarily putting a strain on the few Admin’s they have, but here...Xisuma’s the admin, right? So surely he can just do whatever the fuck he wants? 

Wait, if he respawns- will he respawn back in The End? Shit, he needs to set his spawn. Fuck.

Or. Or, he could just jump off a cliff and go right back to his job and pretend none of this ever happened.

It’s... not as tempting as he thought it would be. Huh. He doesn’t want to go back. Like, at all. Sure, this place is shitty and full of people and Xisuma’s probably going to be fucking mad at him when he wakes up but like, fuck the army. What have they ever done for him?? Fuck them! Fuck fighting, fuck politics, fuck whatever coup is happening! Fuck it all!! 

Simmering with a strange mixture of vindication and rage, Xavier turns another corner in this weird building almost on autopilot. The place is all corridors and deepslate and red and black, not his twin’s aesthetic at all. Much closer to his, actually- 

And Xavier stops dead in the middle of the hallway he’s in, a new, horrifying thought occurring to him. For a moment he just stands there, lost, and then he sets off at a sprint until he finds a staircase, and another - then a spiral one, and then if his theory’s even close to right- there should be an entrance to the roof, somewhere. Not that door, nor that one, but- 

Xavier stumbles into the setting sunlight blinking, emerging at the edge of a steeply sloped roof so familiar that it hurts, and he’s left swallowing down tears because that stupid derp.

His idiot of a brother’s gone and built the fucking Evil Emporium. That they’d come up with when they were- what, nine? - together, and designed together, and drew up a floorplan for; naturally the evil part of the name had been one of his contributions. Even now he remembers the lengths they’d had to go to find coloured pencils during rationing, and they’d only ended up with four colours. It had been the start of his obsession with red and black as a colour palette, and his twin’s with green and purple. 

Fuck.

Fuck.

The place is massive. Building this - the materials alone must have taken months. That stupid, sentimental, idiot. Xavier’s hypothesis that faking his death - well, giving X evidence that may have led him to the wrong conclusion - probably wouldn’t hurt his brother that much, that 'Suma would get over it pretty quickly - crumbles in the face of what can only be a monument to himself, and suddenly Xavier's sitting down on the flat part of the roof with a thump. 

And he thought he could fix this. 

What a fucking joke.

Chapter Text

Xavier doesn't know how long he stays up there, staring up at the sky as it shifts around him. The change in itself isn't a surprise - it had been in one of Xisuma's books, that the sky was blue by day and black by night - but he'd always assumed it would happen suddenly, as if someone had flipped a switch. He couldn't have been more wrong.

The sky glows. There's no other way to describe it. It simply glows. Light spills over the horizon, harmonies of pink and gold and blue that shine through the clouds like overdone gilding; it illuminates everything, from his skin to the slate he's perched on. Xavier thinks if someone gave him a thousand years and a million words, he wouldn't be able to describe the feeling when what can only be the sun itself breaks through the clouds long enough to warm his skin. Hell, even clouds aren't as simple as he'd assumed - translucent smears across the skyline, rather than the blocky shapes of half-remembered illustrations - and he doesn't know what to make of any of this.

It feels, somehow, both claustrophobic and far too exposed all at once. The Void goes on forever, eternal as death, but at least it isn't unpredictable. It's the same constellations, islands and chorus forests; it's bombed out terrain and empty magazines, craters and trenches and bodies. There are no surprises in the landscape beyond the occasional unexploded shell.

Here? Here, he's been in the dimension less than a day and it's already almost unrecognisable to the one he'd landed in.

Sat on the tiled roof, staring at a sky so alien that it hurts, the insanity of the day finally begins to sink in. Because, hey, maybe the political situation had been a bit precarious. Maybe things were getting a little out of hand. And maybe he hadn't been looking forward to Zed, Cleo and Tango leaving.

He'd still gone to sleep last night expecting to have a home tomorrow.

In less than 24 hours, his entire life has fallen apart. For fucks sake, he'd dedicated his life to the administration since he was, what, eight?! Twenty years, give or take; ten of that without Xisuma. For what, exactly? To throw it all away on a whim??

Absent-mindedly, Xavier begins to pick the shrapnel from his shoulder, trying to make any sense, any at all, of how he got here. A midnight assassination, a coup first thing in the morning, a jailbreak he can't be disciplined for because he'd promptly fallen face first into the bloody Overworld. The bloody corridors of the only place he ever remembered calling home; the corpses, a hundred he knew and many more he didn't. The injury echo, an ache that still clings to every muscle in his godforsaken body. The way Xisuma's voice had broken on his name.

It's almost ironic, really. He'd spent so long putting everything that hadn't been his brother - the army, the generals, the fighting - first, and now? Now, Xisuma's literally all he's got left. And it's not like he had a lot of possessions or shit, but now he has nothing. Clothes, blankets, the few personal trinkets he'd bothered to keep when their room had become his instead. All gone.

He has- he doesn't even own a bed. He has the blood soaked clothes he fell into this world with, a single shoe, and a handful of state assigned weapons. That's it. He owns nothing else.

Xavier's spiralling is interrupted by a flash of movement in the corner of his eye, a trapdoor to his right forced open. Turning to get a better view, he's just in time to see a head pop up from the tile, antennae twitching in the wind. Wings, as he'd dubbed her earlier, waves at him cheerily, "Hey, buddy. You've been up here a while!"

"Fuck off," he manages, but it doesn't have half the bitterness he wants; even to his own ears, he sounds more exhausted than angry. She sighs - wait, is everyone here as dumb about swearing as his brother? Surely not, right? - and pulls herself onto the roof to join him, wings fluttering behind her. "Now, that's not very nice," she says lightly, positioning herself carefully on the steep tile as she does.

(Not flying, though. It's a fact he files away just in case things turn ugly later. Perhaps the energy generating lift takes isn't worth the few feet up?)

Wings first looks at him, then away, clearly considering her words as she leans against the roof, "Sorry about Doc," she lands on eventually. "He's always been rather blunt."

"...Doc?"

He can see the exact moment it hits her no-one on this bloody server's told him their names, because she claps a hand over her mouth, "Oh my gosh - None of us have even introduced ourselves, have we?! I'm Pearl; lovely to meet you. Your name's Xavier, right?"

That catches Xavier off guard, just a little. Judging by Cleo, Zed and Tango's confusion at his existence, he'd been working off the assumption his brother hadn't mentioned him before- so, "How do you know my name?"

"Oh, I got it off your join notification when I came to look for you. Took me ages, though -  I didn't even know Xisuma built this place with roof access! Good hiding spot."

"I'm not hiding," he mutters, an answer that Wings - no, Pearl - is obviously unimpressed with, given the way she raises an eyebrow at him, "Well then, you wouldn't mind coming back down with me, would you?"

"...Or. You could leave me alone."

"Well, mate, you can't stay up here. The sky'll fall down on top of ya!"

Xavier stares at her, and then over her shoulder at the sky behind her. That makes absolutely no sense, but neither does the Overworld, and Pearl's not grinning like she's just told a joke-

"Not really," she clarifies with a slight laugh, "But seriously, mate, at least let me get you some dinner and a drink. And some shoes; I'm sure someone on the server will have spares in your size."

"Can't I just steal from 'Suma?"

Pearl clicks her fingers together in a frankly ridiculous show of enthusiasm, "That's a much smarter idea, yes! Alrighty, come on. We'll nip into his room on the way to the kitchen."

And Xavier's not sure if it's the no-nonsense tone of her voice and who it reminds him of, or the fact he's spent his entire life following orders, or the fact he's so lost that he's willing to take anything at this point, but he gives in. "Sure."

It doesn't take long for it to become exceedingly clear that Pearl has absolutely no idea where the fuck she's going. They're constantly doubling back on themselves, going down hallways that lead to dead ends; at some point she starts pulling open random doors, which, unsurprisingly, doesn't help her much. The third time they walk past the same painting she glares at the landscape like it's personally responsible for their predicament, and the next time they get to a crossroads she flutters upwards, muttering something about a different perspective.

Xavier watches skeptically - in the hallway they're in, flight could only give her an extra, what, four feet? - and is quickly vindicated when she drops down with a sigh. "Nothing," she says, and throws the next door open with a little more frustration than is probably necessary. A crash echoes from the room in front of them, and Pearl darts in; Xavier following just in time to see her wing catch in the singular flower pot she hadn't just knocked over and send the entire thing crashing to the ground.

Despite his stretched nerves, despite the pain still reverberating through his body, Xavier bursts into laughter. He can't help it! Just the sight of her sat on the floor, sopping wet and surrounded by flower petals- it's simply too much. She just looks at him, torn between exasperation and amusement, a predicament that only worsens when he forgets what antennae are called and wheezes out something about flowers being caught on her hair sticks instead.

Pearl's mouth drops open, "My Hair Sticks??" she manages, but he doesn't have the chance to wonder if he's offended her before she doubles over herself, fits of laughter that only worsen Xavier's own; it doesn't help that, whenever things calm down even slightly, one of them will catch the other's eye and start all over again. There's a tinge of hysteria to the entire situation; Xavier's had a hell of a day, and Pearl's probably hasn't been the most relaxing either if the way she'd greeted his brother had been anything to go by. Fuck, this is so stupid! Like, ridiculously so; he's lost in the upper floors of his brother's house with a person he's never met, and one of them's covered in blood and the other in flowers.

How the fuck did he get here, again?

Eventually, the pair of them do manage to pull themselves together - though not without a significant setback when Pearl picks herself up and pulls out of her inventory a dustpan and brush, a roll of bin bags, some cleaning gloves and a fucking mop - like it's no big deal. Holy cow, she's got enough cleaning supplies in there to disappear a journalist; no, an entire fucking newspaper! Just casually!

Despite the revelation, by the time Pearl's finished cleaning, Xavier feels - not comfortable, exactly, but pretty sure Pearl's not going to stab him in the back the moment he turns away. Shit, he hasn't laughed that hard in years. With a final flourish of her mop, Pearl turns, "Did you- did you mean Antennae?"

Xavier nods, giggling despite himself, and after a few seconds she rolls her eyes, "Right, mister. If you're so clever, how about you get us back to Xisuma's room?"

Grinning, Xavier chooses a hallway completely at random; Pearl follows him, still muttering, "Hair sticks. HAIR STICKS." under her breath, like a disappointed echo. Xavier doesn't actually know where he's going, because on the off chance Xisuma remembered the layout perfectly Xavier certainly doesn't. But, hey, confidence can do wonders for anyone. Especially when you know your brother's probably only going to put flower arrangements - fucking flower arrangements, seriously, Xisuma, it's the Evil Emporium, not a bloody greenhouse - on hallways he visits frequently.

Still, Xavier tries not to let any surprise show when they finally do arrive at the right place, even though he's pretty sure Pearl knows that at least half the way down here was guesswork. "Impressive," she says anyway, and by the time Xavier realises she's probably only been talking as much as she has to try and calm him down she's already pushing open the door to his brother's room. He hovers awkwardly behind her, not really wanting to interact with Labcoat (Or Doc, if that's what he's called) again, only to be dumbstruck when he realises Doc isn't the only person in Xisuma's room.

Sat on his brother's bed, stroking 'Suma's hair, is... something. And he'd thought the bloody puppet was the weirdest thing this server had to offer.

Xavier's met exactly two and a half humans in his life so far, and that's more than enough to know this one is wrong. It's a broken facsimile, an imitation, with limbs too long and skin too smooth and eyes far, far too wide.

There are no pupils.

Just the familiar emptiness of the Void.

And it's holding his brother.

Xavier starts forward, but he doesn't get the chance to do anything before the- the creature looks up, and it's not the bizarre smile, or the teeth that there are just too many of that stop him. No, what does that is the expression of genuine love on its face when it so much as glances at Xisuma. Pearl, in contrast, doesn't even pause, "Keralis! Can we steal a pair of shoes? And Doc- your first aid kit, if you've got it handy."

That thing is Keralis? Holy shit, okay. Okay, Xisuma trusts these people, he reminds himself somewhat frantically. Xisuma trusts these people. Enough to collapse unconscious in a room with two of them, completely sure they aren't going to hurt him. Right. Xavier can. Xavier can deal with that.

To her credit, Pearl seems to notice the way he's frozen, because the next thing he knows she's telling him to take a seat in the armchair Doc's currently occupying, because "He's coming with me, anyway-"

"I'm what?"

Pearl grins, and half pulls the man out of his chair, "Come on, Doc. I'll be back in half a sec, Xavier, I'm just gonna grab some food!"

The next hour passes in somewhat of a blur. Pearl and Doc leave the room to have a quiet argument down the corridor they probably don't think he can hear, and Xavier tries to keep his eyes on the creature opposite him as he opens the first aid kit, only to promptly abandon any hint of caution when he realises exactly how indulgent the box they've given him is. Multiple bandages, antiseptic equipment, it's insane! Holy shit, is that a healing potion-

"Is this for me?", he asks automatically, before his brain can vet the words or even realise who the fuck he's asking the question of.

The thing on the bed just looks up, "Oh, yes! We have lots, don't worry!"

Xavier, with a shrug, decides to follow the thing's advice and not worry, and holy shit is first aid easier when you aren't improvising half the equipment. He's done with his shoulder by the time Pearl comes back with water and food, the latter of which he scrapes into his inventory when the other two aren't looking. His foot's a bit harder to fix, and it's painfully obvious both Pearl and Keralis are itching to help him. To his relief, though, neither say anything beyond one quiet offer from Pearl that isn't repeated after his first, firm refusal.

Finishing, he forces himself to drink the water, and promptly chokes. Fucking hell, is this what water is supposed to taste like?? Without the chemical cleaning shit?? Holy crap-

Both of them stare at him, and then Pearl smiles, "Do you want- more water?"

Xavier blinks, and realises abruptly that he's choked down the entire bottle in maybe a minute. He goes to refuse on principle, before realising he's in the bloody Overworld, and these people don't have water rationing, right?

"...Yes," he says instead, and tries not to stare after Pearl as she leaves.

After a while, Xavier curls up in the armchair, and closes his eyes. Not to sleep, of course, just because his eyes are heavy. His brother may trust these people, and whilst that's enough for a foot in the door, sleep is a different beast entirely. Despite himself, he feels his breathing level, and a deep chuckle rings through the room - Doc? When had Doc returned? - followed by the ping of a communicator.

"Joe's just messaged. Says 'Suma's code has stabilised enough he can respawn for the tailbone fracture tomorrow, if he wants too."

"He will."

Doc snorts, "I know."

There's a pause, then, before Doc continues, "Did you... know, he had a brother?"

Through lidded eyes, Xavier can just make out the motion of Keralis nodding, “It is not- it’s not often, he mentions him, but grief - it does strange things, yes?”

"Huh. I suppose - Grief, hm? Guess I wasn’t quite expecting to find out his brother’s dead - fuck, that he even has a brother -  and that’s his brother’s not dead all on the same day."

Again he pauses, clearly contemplating whether to continue, "They're very different, aren't they?"

Keralis, weirdly enough, giggles. "They are, absolutely. But not quite, I think, in all the ways you mean. Our lovely Shishwammy may just be more practiced with hiding these things."

Doc makes a questioning noise, but to both his annoyance and Xavier's, Keralis doesn't elaborate. Which is just rude, to be honest, because Xavier would really like him too - off the top of his head, he can't think of a single similarity between them. Music? Maybe? Fuck, is that the only- Shit, he's falling asleep, isn't he. Somewhat frantically, Xavier tries to blink the sleep from his eyes, to no success. Around him the conversation continues at a low hum, and despite himself, despite the tension in his muscles and the way his nerves scream at him, he can't stop the darkness filtering in. 

Fuck, it should be illegal for chairs to be this comfy. 

Chapter Text

With the weight of the blankets pressing against his aching body, Xisuma’s warm. He’s really, really warm. For some reason he’s sleeping on his front rather than his side, a decision he’d protest if he wasn’t far too comfortable to move; instead he simply shifts a touch to the left, tucking his arm beneath him as he does. Caught in that odd, liminal space between dream and reality, it takes X a few minutes to register the rustle of pages beside him, and even longer to identify Keralis from his deliberate, artificial breaths.

Oh, dear, had he fallen asleep at his desk again? No, that doesn't make any sense; he doesn't remember drifting off at all. He remembers dreaming, though: Tango, Cleo, Zedaph...and Xavier. Oh, gosh.

Xisuma buries himself deeper into his pillow, trying to swallow tears before they surface. Nope, no, he's not crying first thing in the morning. That's a terrible way to start the day.

Despite his better instincts, though, he doesn't want to tear himself away from the dream, from the ghost of his brother. It hurts, how real it had all felt last night. All the tiny mannerisms you begin to forget, when someone's been lost to you that long - the way he'd bite his nails when impatient, or be stubborn over the stupidest things. The ways Xavier had been annoying, as well as amazing; angry, and scared, and more than a little self destructive.

No, Xisuma cannot afford to have one of these days, right now; not with three people still missing. He hasn't had one of these days in months, not since their - his - last birthday, and that one barely counts; at least the 19th is predictable. The thought makes him flinch involuntarily, and despite his eyes staying stubbornly closed, Xisuma can tell Keralis has noticed. Never mind the faint noise of surprise, the rustle of paper stills as he looks up from his book, "'Shashwammy?"

He doesn't want to get up. He needs to get up.

But blinking away the last remnants of sleep will take what's left of Xavier with it.

Keralis murmurs some kind of question, but the best X can muster in response is a drowsy noise of disagreement as he tries to turn over. It's not true movement, more an attempt to wipe his eyes than anything else, but K stops him regardless with a light hand on his shoulder.

"K?", Xisuma manages sleepily, even as he's realising that the ache in his body hurts so much more than he'd thought it did a second ago. Why is he so tired? Did he pull two all nighters in a row again? He wants tea. Tea fixes everything.

“‘No, no - we aren’t turning over just yet, okay? Your tailbone’s still all broken up!”

And that doesn't make any sense at all. Why the Devs would his tailbone be broken? Huh, that was part of his dream, wasn't it- he'd broken it... why had he broken it? Oh, Xavier, that's right.

Xavier.

Xavier.

The swell of hope in his throat is a physical, painful thing, blindsiding him to the extent that Xisuma fails to form any words at all, never mind the question he so desperately needs. He needs to ask; he needs to know, and he doesn't think he can hear Keralis tell him the entire thing was just a dream without shattering into a million pieces. Xavier's dead, he reminds himself, as harshly as he can bear. The words are so familiar at this point any other possibility seems intrinsically wrong. 

So why, exactly, can he feel his brother's heartbeat?

By the time Xisuma manages to force himself to open his eyes, Keralis has a slight air of worry to his usual, comforting smile, "Are you okay?" 

"...Xavier?" 

Despite the fear echoing through that single, terrified word, the worry clears from Keralis' eyes in an instant; he nods. If he says anything after that, though, Xisuma doesn't catch it, speech drowned out by the ringing in his ears until K abruptly gets to the part about Xavier having fallen asleep in the blue armchair. Because the blue armchair is in the corner of his room and therefore Xavier is too and suddenly the fact that Xisuma isn't hugging his brother this minute is completely unacceptable. Xisuma scrambles to his feet so fast he gets caught in his own sheets and lands spawled on the floor with a flumpf as his tailbone screams; wincing, X simply dashes off a /kill command until he respawns back on his bed, free to throw himself on his brother.

Xavier, who (very rudely) hadn't stirred at all when Xisuma had fallen off the bed, wakes with a start the moment X latches onto him, first to try punch him in the face - which X, thankfully, dodges - and then to relax, when he realises who's hugging him, "Ow- 'Suma, get off me, you bloody limpet-"

"No," is all Xisuma says back, though the sound is muffled through the fabric of his brother's shirt. Sighing, Xavier tries to push him off, but though Xav's always been the stronger of the two, the fighter, X hadn't spent the past decade on war rations. Xavier does, nevertheless, manage to eventually get him at arms length, "You're a bloody limpet, you know that?" 

Sniffing, X can only muster a watery smile, and Xavier sits up, staring-"You're… crying. Why are you crying?! Stop? I'm sorry I called you a limpet?!!" 

Xisuma bursts into tears. At the ridiculousness of the situation, at the idea that that's what's gone wrong here, at all of it. Once he starts, he finds he can't stop, which is ridiculous, because he's an adult, and in charge of the safety of 25 other people, and he should absolutely be better than this and right now none of that matters to him in the slightest. 

A decade has not improved Xavier's ability to be comforting; with X half wrapped around his neck, Xavier lowers them both to the floor as Xisuma sobs into his shoulder, trying his best to reassure him all the while. Unfortunately, his comments that X is such a sap and pull yourself together and of course I'm okay, you idiot only serve to make Xisuma cry harder, so eventually Xavier resorts to stiff pats on the back instead. 

Xisuma doesn't know how long they stay there, sat awkwardly on the floor together, but by the time he's done X doesn't think there's a single tear left in him. Emotionally and physically spent, he's still shaking from exertion when he manages to sob out a request for tissues; Xavier looks around frantically, before yanking one of the blankets off his bed and offering him the corner with a frazzled expression. Startled into laughter, Xisuma nevertheless blows his nose - making a frantic note to change his sheets today - as his breathing begins to slowly return to something like a manageable pace. 

In comparison, Xavier seems more confused, more concerned for him than upset in his own right, but Xisuma doesn't know how to explain, and when he tries all he manages, in a small, hurt voice, are the words, "Please don't die." 

Xavier stares at him, then swallows; for the first time today, Xisuma sees tears prick his eyes, "I'm- I'm so sorry." 

It's not enough. It's not even close to enough. It probably won't be for a very long time. You cannot resolve a decade of grief in a single apology, a single morning, a day or a week or in all likelihood months. But it's a start, and right now that's all Xisuma needs to finally regain at least a shred of his composure. At some point Keralis had left the room - presumably to give them some privacy - so he makes his checklist mentally instead. 

He needs tea, and breakfast, and his brother desperately needs a bath. Oh, gosh, he's going to have to explain what a bath is. He can still remember Wels explaining that to him, in that first week, and the insanity the concept had seemed after a lifetime spent rationing water to the millilitre...yeah, it's probably going to be simpler to just explain that showers don't have time limits here and tackle baths later. 

With his next steps ordered neatly in his head, Xisuma manages to get his feet under him long enough to make it to the wardrobe, pointedly ignoring how wobbly his steps are, (Seriously, why does one leg feel burnt? How does that even happen to someone in The End??) as he begins to rifle through. Behind him, he can feel his brother staring at his back.

"That's- it? No questions??"

Xisuma pauses halfway through pulling out a black shirt he swears he's never seen in his life, and stares very deliberately at the coat hanger he's holding rather than his brother as he answers. 

"I- I have questions. I have a lot. Just- not today. I can't do this today." 

"...We're going to have to talk about this at some point, you know."

(And he does know that, but to have Xavier being the one to point it out - the same person who'd avoid anything even slightly uncomfortable like the plague - isn't the person he remembers at all. But the person he remembers is eighteen. Gosh, were they really that young?)

(He wonders if Xavier's still scared of the dark.)

"I know," Xisuma says instead. "But not today. Today's going to be manic enough as it is." 

Xavier shoots him a quizzical look, but Xisuma's already been distracted by the box of tissues he's found at the top of his wardrobe; he throws the clothes at his brother, and pulls them down. Wiping what's left of the water from his eyelashes, he turns around to realise that Xavier's still wearing the breathing equipment X had given him yesterday, and had apparently fallen asleep in it, "You- you don't have to wear the ventilator inside the house, you know. This entire place is set to Void air."

"Wait, then how does the-" Xavier stops himself, frantically rewriting whatever he was about to say into something more palatable, before he continues, "How does...Ceralis? Breathe?"

"Keralis," Xisuma corrects, trying to ignore the fact that Xavier apparently found a filter in the last decade, instead of just saying whatever came to mind and letting someone else clean up afterwards. Usually Xisuma.

 "Oh, Keralis doesn't need to breathe. He'll pretend when he can be bothered, though. Anyway, the shower's the first one on the right- never mind, I'll take you there," he finishes abruptly, and proceeds to drag Xavier with him. It's not far, a couple of steps down the hall, but even that brief pause is long enough for him to realise- "Wait, if you didn't think we were in Void air, then how did you think I was breathing-"

His brother slams the bathroom door in his face. And then locks it. Which means Xisuma hasn't had the chance to explain taps. Ah, well, Xavier will probably figure it out.

And if he doesn't, and gets absolutely soaked? Well. He probably deserves it

By the time they're both somewhat presentable - and Xisuma's sped through his prayers whilst Xavier's in the shower, because he is not having that argument today - it's still only about seven in the morning. Xavier (to Xisuma's faint delight) walks out of the bathroom looking slightly shell shocked by the entire experience, which probably is petty of him, but to be honest he doesn't care. He figures he's owed that much. 

"Hurry up, Xav, I want breakfast."

The look Xavier shoots him is severely unimpressed, "What could you possibly have to do?" 

Which, honestly, is a good question. Not because he hasn't anything to do, but because he should start planning what he does, "Set up Temp communicators, for one - they'll need to submit the paperwork for official replacements, but Cleo probably doesn't need a reminder for that - oh, and I should send over Tango's citizenship paperwork whilst I'm doing that. You're going to need one too, actually, but I should probably submit a formal request for asylum on your behalf before I do that, and check your code for viruses, in case you've tracked anything through my firewalls- and the actual firewalls, come to think of it- and run a quick server vote so you can stay temporarily-"

"Fine, fine; I get the picture," Xavier interrupts impatiently, "Seriously, a vote? Aren't you the admin??" 

Xisuma grins, "Isn't it amazing! I'm basically just a glorified janitor; I love it."

"Of course you do," Xavier says, shaking his head in resignation. Still, X prefers that expression to the one that crosses his face next, Xav seemingly thinking over what he considers to be the ramifications of that statement, "So you've basically got none of the power and all of the responsibility,"

"That's not what I said-"

"Then say it better!"

Honestly, it's probably a blessing that they reach the kitchen at that moment; if nothing else, it forestalls any future argument for at least a little later. Mostly because they both walk in and are immediately distracted by the fact Keralis appears to be in a staring contest with the toaster.

"K, if you've broken the toaster-"

"No, no," Keralis protests. "I am simply… making sure she behaves herself, this time."

Before Xisuma can point out that this had not at all been an effective strategy yesterday, he's sidetracked by the still steaming mug set out at his place in the table. Collapsing into his chair in delight, he promptly realises there's a hot water bottle set atop the cushion when the ache in his back recedes somewhat, and he almost melts in gratitude, "You're my favourite person," he mumbles at Keralis when he walks over, only for his brain to follow that thought through to the logical conclusion of his other favourite person, "-Wait, has anyone talked to Wels?"

"Our Falsie's keeping him updated,” K says, ruffling his hair, “He's okay. Worried, but okay."

Comforted, Xisuma nods, and looks around for Xavier to find him still stood in the doorway, "Xav? You...coming in?" 

Xavier wrinkles his nose, but does, tentatively, enter. He just also chooses the seat closest to the door, and pulls it out at exactly the correct angle for a quick exit. Oh, well. Small steps, X thinks to himself, even as Xavier leans over to him, "...Toaster?"

"Oh- it's for heating bread? I haven’t really used one before, but they're pretty common - like, when I mentioned I didn't have one last week, Doc left one on my table the next day, kind of common. But, uh, no-one's told Keralis or I how they work, exactly, so we've just been pressing buttons and hoping for the best. Honestly, I'm not even sure if it's an us problem or if Doc's just given us a really weird toaster." 

"...Huh. Okay?"

Breakfast passes… weirdly ordinarily, for having his dead brother sitting next to him. Keralis is scrupulously polite to Xavier, and by the time they’re wrapping up the pair are making cautious conversation even when Xisuma’s not directly involved.

Keralis slightly scorches the toast, then slathers it with honey and pretends it's fine; Xisuma, of course, shrugs and eats it anyway. They talk about building, for a bit, and then a tangent about the lag in Boatem and the perils of explosives, before spending a combined ten minutes convincing Xavier that toast is edible. They spend the next twenty trying to tell him not to eat so quickly he makes himself sick. (Even though X had done exactly that, the first night he'd met Wels. He'd then spent a miserable two hours vomiting it all up again, to Wels' abject horror; the knight had been half-convinced he'd poisoned him by accident.)

Eventually, though, things fall into a pleasant silence, and when Keralis completely refuses to let Xisuma help wash up on the basis of 'excruciating pain', he sighs and pulls out his notepad instead.

                - Routine server checks - maybe fortify firewalls?

               - Temp Comms for trio

                - Send Tango paperwork (And Imp. message to make T sign paperwork)

               - Serverwide announcement to clarify Xav & vote for temp residence

             - Check Xav code for bugs & virus

              - Get Asylum Application paperwork for Xav as refugee

                - Message relevant officials about trio’s return

             - Elodea (Admin of C72? 73?)

                   → Check communicator history to find out what server.

                - Check on trio

The last one makes Xisuma pause, biting his pen; it's a nervous tick he's never managed to fully rid himself of, despite his best efforts. Should he... it would probably be best to let Cleo, Zedaph and Tango settle in a bit more before setting up any meetings, but in terms of a debrief of what actually occurred - if he's going to start smoothing things over in an official capacity, ideally he needs to know what happened by lunchtime.

And whilst Xisuma could probably just grill Xavier, he knows those three. They're going to have questions, almost certainly, and X doesn't want his brother reliving anything traumatic more than once if he can avoid it.

"Xavier?"

"...yes?"

"Would you be okay explaining yesterday's events this lunchtime, if I invited Cleo, Tango and Zed? I need to know - at least roughly - what the political situation is before I start trying to smooth things over."

"I- I guess? I don't really know what happened? But, like, I can try. If you need me too."

Xisuma nods gratefully, and reaches for his communicator to find seven missed messages from Impulse already waiting for him. A little odd, but not unprecedented; no, unprecedented is Zedaph sending those messages, using Impulse as a proxy. Because Zed is not, in any sense of the word, a morning person. Cub does mad science at the crack of dawn, but Zed - if he's not still doing his experiments at midnight, something's probably gone wrong.

Impulse > Hey, X! This is Zed on Impulse's communicator! Because, you know, I don't have one right now! 

Impulse > Could I possibly come over for breakfast? I absolutely understand if that's too early but perhaps we could do lunchtime or even dinner??

Impulse > Sorry if I'm overstepping but I will bring some of Impulse's pancakes over

Impulse > Actually Tango's just eaten like three in thirty seconds

Impulse > I fear we may be facing a pancake-less future

Impulse > Ah Impulse has just told me that I'm not allowed to leave his factory for at least five hours until he's sure Tango and I aren't going to vanish on him

Impulse > How do you feel about lunch or dinner?

It's a series of messages exactly as rambling as Zedaph's normal conversation, and Xisuma can't stop himself smiling. Goodness, he'd missed these three.

You > Lunchtime? I need to talk to you four about exactly what happened yesterday so I know what legal footing we're working on. 

You > I hope that's okay?

Impulse > I will be glad to provide you with an in depth scientific analysis of the day's events!! 

Impulse > I'll pop over 1 ish???

You > Sounds good

You > Are you okay to wear a ventilator for lunch? Xavier probably isn't adjusted enough to balance one and eating just yet

Impulse > Zedaph says yes

Impulse > This is Impulse, btw

Impulse > Zed ran off the moment you said yes.

Impulse > He is refusing to sit still even more than usual

You > Ah

You > Thanks for clarifying!

Impulse > X

Impulse > Zed woke up screaming last night. Refused to talk about it this morning. Check on him?

And that, there, is all of Xisuma's worst fears rolled into one, because he knows the three of them wouldn't have left The End illegally without very good reasons, and he'd really been hoping those reasons weren't as violent as the amount of blood had suggested. Oh, dear. Right.

…this is going to be a long day, isn’t it?