Chapter Text
"Don't you have anything better to do?"
Asriel's last words had rung through Frisk's mind ever since she left the mountain. No matter how much she tried to move on from them, the words continued to persist in her mind.
She clutched the golden heart locket around her neck. Not a day went by when she wasn't wearing it. If either of her adopted parents noticed, they hadn't asked about it. Out of respect or cowardice, she didn't know. That was fine, because she wasn't sure she wanted to answer "why" anyway.
She thought back to her journey through the Underground. There had been a time when she would continue to reset solely in a vain attempt to save Asriel. Eventually, she had been forced to realize it was a lost cause. Despite both of their reluctance to let go, she couldn't relive the same moments forever. It wasn't fair to everyone else.
But, still, the feeling lingered. Then she came to a realization.
She opened the locket. The words "Best Friends Forever" were carved into them.
She remembered a picture of a happy family, all of them smiling. She remembered Toriel standing among the bed of golden flowers where the first fallen child was buried, Asgore refusing to meet her face, and Asriel not ready to let go.
("Chara" stood before her, ready to cast the world into the abyss once more.
"You are wracked with a perverted sentimentality."
As if she was the only one.)
Frisk hoisted her backpack in a more comfortable position and took a step forward. Not a moment later, she felt drops of water all onto her skin. It was beginning to rain. Sighing, she reached into her pocket and drew out her phone.
. . .
"whelp, here we are," Sans spoke once the two of them had reached the mountain. He glanced back at her when she didn't respond.
"you know. . . you don't have to do this."
A memory of a sad child all alone with no friends or family to call their own flashed into her mind. Frisk clutched the umbrella in her hand tighter. "Yes I do."
He sighed. "okay then. you've obviously thought hard about this. you've got that determined look in your eye, after all. just, uh, be careful alright?"
She finally looked up at him with a smile on her face. Sans was the only other person who knew about the resets. How much he never said, but she was glad that there was at least one adult she could talk to about it.
"I will. I promise."
He didn't argue further.
. . .
"Why did you come back? Why are you being so nice to me. . ?"
Flowey's voice was quiet. It was a familiar scene. The first time she had spared Flowey, he couldn't understand "why" either.
She tried to give him a reassuring smile but he quickly interrupted her with a snarl of his own.
"I'm not him you know! I don't need your pity!"
She startled. "That's not why--"
"Yes it is! I'm not stupid! You just want to satisfy your own damn savior complex! Just accept that he's gone already and never coming back!"
That struck a nerve.
"That's not true! I want to help you. I don't care who you used to be!"
"As if I'd believe that! Face it Frisk, this isn't something you can fix with a dumb reset! You can't just bring back the dead with your hopes and dreams, nor can you solve everyone's problems, so stop trying to play god!"
With those words, something in her broke.
("You think you're above consequences don't you?")
An image of dust and blood flashed through her mind.
"This isn't about that! I'm not trying to play god either! I just want to help!" she screamed.
He flinched. He wasn't expecting that.
"Why won't you just let me save you!"
He didn't answer. He had already left.
Tears streamed down her face.
Playing god? What a hypocrite.
Sans found her a few hours later. He must have gotten worried about her.
She was still crying. In her despair she didn't even notice him listening to her cry out.
"Flowey. . Asriel. . I'm so sorry. . Please come back. . "
. . .
(A jolt and the world reversed.
She was ready to let go.
But it refused.
)
. . .
If Sans noticed something off when she returned not long after entering the cavern with a talking flower in her backpack, he didn't say anything.
She looked up with dull blood-shot eyes. The rain fell down from the sky, crying in tandem with her own self.
None of them spoke the entire way back.
Frisk knew that Flowey could never be Asriel the way he used to be. That was okay though. With time, she could learn to accept that. No one deserved to be alone, not even him.
(Frisk could picture her smiling face dripping with some sort of black substance she never learned the name of. To most it might have been frightening, demonic even, but to Frisk it always looked like tears.)
They all deserved a chance to move on.
____________________________________________
Flowey imagined that if he was still Asriel, then he'd feel a lot different about all of this. Granted that was a given, since he couldn't quite feel compassion or empathy. At least, not to the same degree that he used to. Nevertheless, he knew that Asriel wouldn't be feeling the same way as he did right now. He wasn't exactly sure what the person he used to be would do in this situation, but he just knew it wouldn't be the same. Flowey imagined that Asriel would probably cry or something equally as useless. He had been such a crybaby, just as Chara had always told him. The point being, however, that if he was still Asriel, he might actually care. He'd be able to look at the members of Frisk's makeshift family and actually be able to love them. Maybe then he could actually help them.
But he wasn't Asriel anymore. Not in the way that mattered.
So instead of sitting there crying or acting all concerned, he stayed in the garden stewing in his frustration and his own thoughts. Because crying wasn't going to get him anywhere. He was a big kid, and big kids don't cry. Why should he sit around feeling sorry for himself just because he couldn't feel love anymore? Why should he get jealous looking at everyone else cheering and laughing, content to just enjoy each other's company because they all loved each other oh so much? Who cares if he can't feel bad for the things he did, no matter how much he regretted it? Who cares if it was his fault that Chara and him had both died and all that was left of his best friend, his own sibling, was her burning hatred?
He knew what she was planning. If he had actually had a backbone for once, than maybe she wouldn't have suffered for hours before she died. Maybe then she'd actually have gotten the help she so desperately needed. Maybe then six other kids didn't have to die, their parents would still be together, the resets wouldn't have left so many forgotten scars, and he wouldn't feel so much like crap right now.
No amount of resetting the world could change what he so desperately wanted.
Asriel hated Flowey, and as far as he was concerned, the feeling was mutual.
Flowey was not a little crybaby who ruined everything just because he couldn't admit to himself sooner that maybe Chara wasn't as great as he thought she was. That maybe Chara was just a kid who had been hurt so much, she didn't know anything else but how to hurt others.
And because Flowey was not Asriel, he felt no pity for a monster who could still love, the thing he so desperately wanted and what Chara had so desperately needed, but still insisted on throwing that ability away regardless.
As difficult as it was to admit to himself, he knew that Sans had a point about some things. Not that it should be too surprising, one of the most annoying things about him always had been his intelligence. He knew that at some point it would be better if you called it quits. That some things just weren't worth doing. (Asriel had learned that the hard way in the end, after all.) At some point, you needed to let things go, even if Sans had been doing a horrible job of that himself. But Flowey, despite still having the mind of a child, or maybe because of it, also knew that there are plenty of things still worth doing. Worth trying. And you couldn't give up on those things no matter what. You needed to have hope. Even Chara, for all her faults, knew that much.
(Chara had not climbed the mountain for a happy reason, but she had not climbed it to die. Even as she laid in bed for hours in agony coughing up blood, she had not planned to die.
At that point, she had not yet learned how to let go.)
So, Flowey thought to himself as he watched Asgore, the former king of all monsters, water his garden, why don't I prove that? Then I'll finally manage to win against him.
And so there he was in the garden, feeling satisfied and confident in his newly formed idea. Nothing was going to stop him now. He was determined to make his plan work.
At least, he was, until he became drenched in water.
"Hey! Watch it! Do I look like one of your dumb flowers?!"
____________________________________________
It truly was a beautiful day outside, Toriel thought to herself gazing out the window. She stood in the kitchen as she prepared her family lunch. The little flower that Frisk had brought to the surface with her was yelling something that she could not make out. Luckily, it did not appear to be too serious judging by how Frisk seemed to be laughing.
Toriel couldn't help but smile at their antics. Despite the harm he had caused in the past, Flowey seemed to be making an honest effort to be a better person. Looking at him now, he seemed so young. She wondered how she had missed something that was so obvious to her now. While her own age caused her to view many people as "young", even though her physical age appeared to be no older than forty or possibly fifty, she had spent a lot of time around children. She should know how to tell the difference between someone who was just childish or immature, and someone who was simply acting their own age. She did not know the life span of whatever plant monster Flowey was, or even if he was truly a monster at all, but she knew he was a child. Not a very well behaved child, granted, but a child nonetheless. It was mainly for that reason she would fully support her adopted daughter's efforts to help him. He still had plenty of time to learn and grow from those experiences and past mistakes.
I suppose we all do, Toriel thought with a frown as she watched Asgore water his garden. She couldn't forgive the things he did, nor could she forget them, but at the very least she could accept that they happened and allow them all to move on from them.
She sighed, gazing back down at the fur now stuck in the drain. That would certainly become difficult to unclog, just as the past instances had been.
As she continued preparing everyone their lunch, she couldn't help but find her gaze going back to her friend sitting at the table. Sans's own gaze was downcast as he picked at his food not looking back at her as if he was lost in thought. He had a habit of doing that lately, and she found herself noticing it more and more. She wondered. Had he always had that habit? Or was it something that had happened recently that was bothering him now? She didn't know, but looking at him like that made her feel sad that she hadn't noticed sooner.
She had hoped, just as the others had she was sure, that the trip last night would help to take his mind off of things, but it didn't seem to work as planned. If anything, it had seemingly worsen his condition, which was even more worrisome. Papyrus had mentioned once that Sans loved looking at the stars. It would be terrible if he could no longer look at something he loved without feeling joy.
She took a deep breath and steeled herself for a difficult conversation.
"Sans?"
He startled as though he had forgotten she was even there, but his surprise only lasted for a second and was gone as soon as it appeared.
"yeah, tori?" he grinned at her.
"Is everything all right? You seemed to be lost in thought. I noticed you were like that last night as well."
"ah. . yeah. i'm okay. i've just been thinking about some things lately. sorry if you were worried," he assured her. A lazy grin stretched across his face, as if nothing was wrong at all.
"Sans," she began, "you should never apologize for others' worry. You are my friend and a part of this family. It is only natural for me to worry about you."
"yeah, i get it," he shrugged. "it's a family thing. me and my brother are the same way."
Toriel couldn't help the fond smile that formed on her face. The love the two shared was clear as day. Even back when Toriel hadn't even known his name, she knew much about his brother. It was one of the few things he had been willing to share and talk about at length.
"Indeed, " she said with a furrow of her brow. "But I must ask. . . What exactly are those 'things' that you've been thinking about so hard? I don't mean to pry, but they seem to be causing you quite a deal of stress."
Whatever it was that he had been thinking about, it had to be rather serious.
"heh, well. . " Sans paused looking away as if deciding whether her honestly. After a moment his eyes met hers again and a guilty smile formed on his face. "i can't lie to you, can i?"
A rueful smile grew on her own face as she answered, "Well, you could certainly try. . . But I hope that you would not."
His expression turned thoughtful before returning to it's usual lazy grin.
"yeah, guess that whole 'looking at the stars' thing brought back some memories. sorry for 'spacing out' lately."
She couldn't help the unattractive giggles that came from her mouth.
"but in all seriousness. . yeah, i have been thinking about some things maybe a bit too hard, heh. but, it, uh, isn't anything too concerning. i mean, you can't always have happy thoughts. it's just. . . well, i guess i'm just not used to being on the surface. being able to see the stars every night. i guess i still have some things to get used to, huh?"
Toriel gave him a sympathetic look. "Yes, I see why that would be rather troublesome. In fact, there are times when I cannot entirely believe it myself. But, Sans, you shouldn't have to deal with it alone. Me, your brother, everyone is willing to help. It might take a while before it all starts to sink in fully, but I have learned that with time, anything can be mended. Maybe not in the way it was before, but with a little bit of love an compassion, anything is possible. You just have to 'keep reaching for the stars', as you will."
He chuckled a bit.
"yeah. . i'll keep that in mind. my bro says the same thing sometimes," Sans said with a look of pride on his face.
"He is a very wise monster," Toriel responded in utmost seriousness.
"Yeah," he spoke wistfully with a hint of bitter-sweetness and closed eyes. "He is, isn't he?"
After that, they talked a little while. Nothing particularly important, it mostly consisted of the two of them sharing bad jokes and teasing. It was nice, she thought. They haven't had a chance to simply talk for quite some time since coming to the surface. Negotiations and settling in had been a stressful and exciting time for all of them. They had all been so terribly busy and it wasn't until recently when life had settled down some. It was good for them to engage in something as mundane as a simple conversation of humor.
Soon enough, everyone had been called to the kitchen to eat lunch. As usual, it was certainly not a boring experience. Some level of chaos had always been the norm, especially with both Flowey and Undyne in the same room. And, as much as she cared for the girl, she could be quite a handful. She and Papyrus hadn't been banned from cooking without supervision without reason, after all.
"YOU KNOW, I AM FINDING MYSELF QUITE ENJOYING MYSELF WHEN WATCHING ANIME," Papyrus spoke.
"See Papyrus, I told you it was deep and emotional!" Undyne said with her usual dose of enthusiasm.
"YEAH! YOU REALLY ARE RIGHT ABOUT THESE THINGS UNDYNE," he said with a bright smile.
"Aw, you don't need to say that Papyrus."
"YEAH. I GUESS I REALLY AM A BABY WHO LOVES CARTOONS FOR CHILDREN!"
"YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO SAY THAT PAPYRUS!!"
They all laughed before each continuing to chat and eat.
It wasn't until everyone had finished that Toriel realized that Sans had barely spoke a word and hadn't finished his food even though he began eating before all of them.
She wanted to ask his brother about it, but soon enough the day passed by without anything being said.
____________________________________________
That night when Frisk went to bed, she felt something wasn't quite right. So after dozing off, she shouldn't have been so surprised to have a nightmare. Of course that would happen.
She woke up not long after falling asleep covered in a cold sweat, panicking. Her heart was pounding in her chest so much it nearly hurt.
But nothing could "hurt" as much as what had happened in her dream.
Frisk held her arms around herself as close as she could in some sort of makeshift comfort, even if the only comfort she really had was that she hadn't screamed.
"It was just a dream. . It was just a dream," Frisk quietly told herself over and over in an effort to calm down.
Not that she fully believed it, but for now that was enough. Denial was all she had right now.
. . .
Her breathing was labored. From the way she was panting, she knew right away that she was exhausted. Her limbs felt tired.
But she had to keep going.
She raised the knife in her hand and struck.
Another miss.
She gritted her teach in frustration. It was fine. He couldn't dodge forever. All she had to do was keep attacking.
With a flash of cyan and yellow her soul turned blue. And the next thing she knew was pain.
She tried avoiding his attacks as best as she could, but she hadn't fought him enough times to memorize his attack patterns. That would change soon enough.
Another turn taken and she was so tired. How long had she been at this?
Oh well. He'd tell her after she died. Then she'd try again.
Dust covered her knife and body. She hoped she wasn't allergic.
He told her to quit. But she couldn't give up now. She had to finish what she started.
She could feel her sins crawling on her back.
He was right though. There wasn't really any deeper meaning she could think of as to why she was doing this. After all, this was an option she could take. Why wouldn't see what was at the end of it? She had already done everything else this world had to offer.
She had to keep going.
Another turn taken and bones punctured her body and broke through her own.
The knife clattered to the floor having slipped out of her weakened grip. Her vision was getting hazy, but she could still see little drops of red drip to the floor forming an ever increasing puddle. Her expression reflected back at her was one of pain and and something she couldn't read. Maybe he could. He always been good at that.
Game Over.
Another death that didn't mean anything. It never had. Nothing gained or lost, but the passage of time. It had all been so long and boring. The rush of facing a difficult boss had long faded replaced with the need to continue. Maybe she would feel relieved when this was all said and done.
(She should have understood what that meant sooner.)
He studied the look on her face. Then he sighed with a look of dull acceptance.
"let's just get to the point."
Another turn taken and she had to keep going.
This was the path she had chosen and she would persevere.
She could feel her sins weighing on her neck.
She remembered what his description had said. The easiest enemy. What irony.
Another turn taken, over and over.
Sans was sparing her.
(I
f they were really friends she wouldn't come back here.)
It was a perfect time to heal up. Then she continued to fight.
(Were they ever friends? She couldn't tell anymore.)
As he went on with his speech, she thought back. If there was ever one single thing that she could say that she liked about Sans the most, it was his intelligence. Out of everyone she had met he was the closest to understanding her and what her motivation truly was. Even if she wasn't entirely sure of it herself. He knew what was going on, maybe not fully, but it was enough.
At some point the turns and deaths eventually started to blend together.
Karma was flowing through her veins.
Her soul shattered.
This was surely Karma dooming her to die once more.
Another Game Over. She had to stay determined and not give up. She had come too far to do that now.
.
.
.
Chara continued and the next thing she knew was pain.