Chapter Text
She needed rest.
Every injury sapped away another part of her energy, her concentration, her resolve, building upon each other to a stack of fatigue that weighed heavily upon her, souring her already fraught mood. Her inability to reform wasn't helping, and neither was being stuck in this dim room, the lack of light deliberately starving her of a natural source of replenishment. Not it would do much. Apparently either the side effect of their barrier was slower healing (a lot slower), or they had, in their efforts, actually made so much damage that her body was struggling sorely to repair it. Both were as likely as the other, and both scenarios drew her to the same conclusion, that she needed rest, the opportunity to recharge and heal. Even Pearl could see, although it wasn't a gem thing and certainly not hers, that now more than ever she needed sleep.
The scientists had other plans.
Every time she thought she had settled beyond her aching self, half dozing towards sleep they'd come in and zap her into alertfulness with the destabiliser, or the sharp edge of a knife, or something else, sometimes even just a slap round the face: anything to send a jolt of pain across her nerves and drag her back to uncomfortable consciousness ready for them to continue their experiments.
She wanted to scream at them still, berate them for the sheer ego and uselessness of their efforts, but fatigue weighed heavy on her, and confusion jumped and scattered her focus with the lack of rest. The scientists made no little mockery of her for that either, goading her into half slurred protests as her mind barely clung on to the world.
"Alright, alright Sidi, you'd better give her a breather or she'll fizzle out before we even get to the good bits."
"Aww." Sidi pouted, giving Pearl another half-hearted jab. "Eh, I suppose you're right though. It's no fun when they don't even have the energy to cry." She leant over Pearl. "Don't you worry; we will be back to pick this up later. Can't let you miss out on all the fun!" Pearl groaned as, once again, the gem 'casually' patted her injuries, fingers slapping against inflamed edges of open wounds with stinging precision. "Ta-ra!" Then she was gone, Pearl throwing silent curses after her, her head still swimming.
Left alone for now, she knew she needed rest more than anything, to make the most of this small reprieve. But, even as she tried to settle once more her body ached and her mind raced, knowing that they would return. They would always return, and each time they would tear her back into this cycle of exhausting pain, over and over and over again, never letting her relax, never allowing her a single moments peace, their constant presence always threatening at the back of her mind even in their absence. This was her life now, endless pain and suffering, trapped here in this place. And there was nothing she could do about it.
So why bother?
It came with it a sort of clarity, a releasing embrace at the twilight of exhaustion. She didn't have to stay here, caught up with everything they were doing. Yes it hurt, but pain was just pain, and while it still existed and caught at her, she knew it would just be what it was, and all she had to do was let it.
It was tricky, making peace with it, her body still demanding action every time they struck, but finally she fell quiet, the stabbing bite or the nerve-shocking charges echoing through her form unhindered and unacknowledged. And this was right, for she knew that for whatever they did to her body, in time she would be able to reform anyway, wash it all away again like it was never there at all. She just had to be patient. The thought welled within her, solid and sure, a comforting presence in itself that bolstered her resolve. She might have even managed a smile.
They would not have the satisfaction of breaking her anymore.