Chapter Text
The walk had become a part of their routine. Ku-San would walk to the ship where she’d be up, waiting for him at the doors. She’d take him into the training room, where they’d go over whatever katas or breathing exercises they were on at the moment for an hour. Then Azula would walk the boy back to his igloo, ensuring he got there safely.
At first, the walks felt tedious. It was always windy, always snowing so early in the morning. Azula had slowly gotten used to the cold, but when the sun was barely in the sky, the weather was unforgiving.
Yet, as they walked, Ku-San would tell her stories or ask her questions. Sometimes it would be a water-tribe folk tale his mother told him the night before, or something that happened with his friends. Other times, he asked her about the world, about different nations, what they looked like, or what they ate.
And lately, he’d asked questions about her.
Some she had no problems answering, like her favorite color or food.
Some questions she avoided, like where her mom and dad were.
And some left her stumped.
“Are you excited to go home?” Ku-San asked as they continued through the same path of snow he had made to get to the ship.
This question. This one left the princess stumped.
Was she excited? Azula didn’t know. If he had asked her this two months ago, her answer would’ve just been yes. She missed the familiarity of her nation, the food, the warmth. She missed all of those things, but now she knew that she would miss the connections she made in the Water Tribe. That alone was its own dilemma for the Princess to struggle with. She wanted to lie to him; he was a child, and Ku-San didn’t need to hear her internal struggles.
“Somewhat,” she left it as neutral as she could.
“What does that mean?” He asked curiously as they saw his igloo in the distance.
“Kind of or a little,” Azula elaborated, and Ku-San scrunched his nose.
“Why didn’t you just say kinda?” He questioned, and she paused.
“I don’t know. I just didn’t.” It was moments like these that made her realize how different her vocabulary was from that of the people around her. His being a child only made the difference more noticeable.
“And why are you only a little excited? Don’t you miss the fire nation?”
“I do. I love my home but-“
But what? What could she say that wouldn’t be oversharing, especially with a child? She could lie to him this time; this was complicated and not appropriate for him, but she hated being lied to as a child.
“But?”
“People do not like me at home,” she decided to say. It was the only thing she could say without getting too deep.
“Because you made a bad choice?” Ku-San asked, and Azula stopped in the snow. She knew he was smart, but she never expected this. He never let on that he knew the things she did during the war were wrong or harmful. He always talked about how cool she was or how strong he wanted to be.
“A bad choice?” Azula probed.
“You did some bad things in the war, but then you changed and made better choices,” he told her confidently before continuing, “Like my dad. He did some bad things when he was younger and then changed and made better choices, like when he fought in the war. Some people still didn’t like him, though. They don’t like me either, but it’s okay because I know that I’m good!”
“Your mother told you this?” She could see Somi being a very nurturing and honest mother, teaching her son that the world isn’t black-and-white.
“Yeah,” he answered confidently.
“You have a good mother,” Azula declared to him, and he nodded.
“I know,” Ku-San smiled brightly.
They walked on, growing closer to their destination as the sun continued to come over the horizon. Ku-San walked a few steps in front of her, kicking the snow in front of him and catching snowflakes on his tongue. Azula walked behind, trying to process their conversation. The question was unexpected, especially coming from a child. When Sokka asked her similar questions, she knew he understood her problems and what she was going through. Ku-San, however, was only a child who didn’t live through a war, not in the way Sokka and Azula did. He didn’t know details about her, not the ones that made going home so complicated.
At least she thought he didn’t.
His response almost left her speechless. He was so upfront, so confident in the connection he had made. It was clear as day that he wanted to make her feel better, wanted to let her know that she was good now, but that only frustrated her more. If a young boy could get it, why could the adults around her get it too?
Oh, now you care about their approval? Ursa questioned.
Screw them and their approval, Azula responded.
Yet you want them to understand that you’ve changed, that you’re different, Ursa continued.
I want them to stop treating me like a-
Like what? A criminal? A monster?
I just want them to treat me like I am a human being! Azula is shouting in her head, hoping to silence her mother’s voice.
Then show them, Ursa finished.
Haven’t I done so?
She looked up again to see Somi’s igloo and a man standing near the home. Ku-San quickly took off, running up to the man excitedly as she sped up her pace behind him.
“Hi Chaska!” Ku-San exclaimed as he ran over to the man. Azula almost thought it was Sokka until she noticed the longer hair and shorter frame. She smiled politely as she approached the pair, knowing when it was time to turn on her acting. She still didn’t know why, but something about Chaska felt off, and Azula hated that he kept catching her off guard.
“Hey buddy, finished with your special training?” The Warrior asked, and the seven-year-old nodded enthusiastically.
“Yup! Teacher Azula showed me new stances this morning,” Ku-San explained, immediately moving into the newest stance he learned. Azula watched him show off, his stance off but very close to what it should be.
“Wow! You have been learning good stuff from the princess.”
“Yeah, I wish she could stay longer,” the seven-year-old pouted.
“Wow, it’s already time for you to leave? And we never got to train together,” Chaska did a terrible job at hiding his smirk as he watched the reactions of the teacher and her student.
“You were going to train together?”
“I was hoping the Princess wouldn’t mind?” Chaska smiled at Azula.
“Can we? I can show the older boys what I’ve learned!” Ku-San pleaded, puppy dog eyes and his pout in full effect.
“Just once! Maybe we could teach each other something?” The Warrior added, and Azula sighed. Her training with them didn’t mean she had to give in to whatever Chaska wanted from her. And who was she to deny Ki-San the chance to show off? She would’ve wanted to do the same thing, prove that her age didn’t mean she was less than or not as talented.
“Fine. We can train with your group tomorrow. But we train at sunrise, so don’t be late!” Azula instructed, met with their cheers.
“Thank you, Princess!” The seven-year-old hugged her excitedly, quickly running inside to share the news with his mother before Azula could process what had happened.
She was left outside with Chaska, dreading whatever was next in their conversation. Azula has been avoiding him ever since their last interaction. So she just made her way to the library, walking away without a word. It didn’t take long to realize he was walking with her, the crunch of his boots in the snow echoing her own.
“Are you excited for your journey home?” He finally asked.
“I’ve already answered that question this morning,” Azula groaned.
“I didn’t hear the answer. I’m just trying to be friendly,” Chaska pressed further.
“Are we friends?”
“We could be?”
“I’m not too sure about that,” she rolled her eyes as she kept her pace to the library.
“Why not?”
“I don’t think we have much in common,”
Azula meant that. She didn’t see how much Chaska could relate to her, and she didn’t think he wanted to. She was accustomed to people throwing themselves at her for a grab at nobility. A chance to attach themselves to the Princess of the Fire Nation, and new opportunities they would've never had before.
“Well, we both love sparring…” Azula let his words fade behind the wind as she drew closer to the library. She remained a few paces in front of him as he continued, only stopping when she reached the entrance. The princess, forever a noble, smiled politely as she gestured towards the door.
“Of course, I’ll leave you to your studies. I’ll see you tomorrow morning at the shore. The boys and I will be ready,” Chaska assured her, and she nodded.
“Ku-San and I will be there,” Azula agreed reluctantly.
Azula could only hope the day would drag on as long as possible.
Azula was anxious the next morning as she prepared for the training session. Her conversation with Chaska the previous day didn’t ease the fears that he had a plan. He wanted something from her; he had to. And he would just be sorely disappointed because she had no interest in whatever it was.
The solo walk went by faster than she would’ve liked, snow crunching under her feet, wind whistling in her ears, and snowflakes gluing themselves to her face and hair. She was at Somi’s igloo just as the sun was shining over the horizon. Before she could make herself known, Ku-San was already at the door, ready for her. Azula could see how excited he was, and it brought up another unfamiliar feeling in her chest. He had paint on his face, some of which was already rubbing off on the fur of his parka. His long brown hair was carefully braided back into two braids that hung out from under his hood. He held an innocence that was familiar yet so inconceivable that Azula felt like an emotional bomb had been dropped on her.
So, she’d do this for him. He deserved it. And she wanted to do it for him. The Princess could finally admit she cared for him.
“I’m ready!” He exclaimed as Somi walked up behind him.
“He’s been up for two hours already,”
“Yup! I ate breakfast and did all my stretches,”
“Alright, that means we’re ready.” She smiled at him before her tone changed. “Let’s go find Chaska,” was said with less enthusiasm.
Azula walked behind Ku-San as he excitedly kicked the snow. She shouldn’t do it; she should just keep avoiding him. The princess wanted to back out, to tell him that they’d train with them later, but she could already see the boy’s disappointment. As quickly as she convinced herself to do it, she felt her confidence fade away.
Azula wanted to tell herself he would get over it. The boy wouldn’t want her to be uncomfortable, either. Ku-San was smart, and he was seven; he’d forget about it after a while, and it would be fine. The Princess told herself all of this while she was getting dressed, but she still hadn’t canceled. Azula couldn’t cancel. She didn’t want to disappoint him, to leave a stain on their time together or one of the few positive relationships she had.
The pair walked on as they grew closer to the shore. The group started to appear over the horizon, and Azula could feel her stomach turn. This shouldn’t even be nerve-wracking, but she began to walk more slowly as she wished she had listened to her instincts and canceled.
“Ku-San, Princess Azula, over here,” Chaska called out, and the child ran over, leaving Azula far behind him.
“Hello,” she said quietly. The boys were rowdy around him.
“Are you excited to train the kids? They’re excited to learn from you.” Chaska exclaimed, and her smile grew nervous.
“I doubt that,” the Princess murmured.
“Don’t doubt it! Some of the kids have been talking about it all day yesterday.” Chaska interjected. Azula looked from Chaska to Ku-San and back to the warrior.
“Let’s get started then,” she commented, and the group took their place in the snow.
The Water Bender stood in front of the group, starting them off with stretches to prepare their bodies. The group followed each move, Azula and Ku-San following along with ease. After his stretch routine was complete, Azula took her place in front of the group, Ku-San by her side as she went through her own basic combat routine.
Chaska’s group of boys were as behaved as young boys could be, trying their best to follow after the princess. A half hour later, the boys could barely keep their focus, snickering and kicking snow at each other between every kata.
“This usually brings them back,” Chaska whispered as he moved closer to the boys. Ku-San was the only one in the group who had his eyes on Chaska during the last routine. The young boy watched as the man moved through the snow before conjuring a tower of it in front of them, grabbing the rest of the group’s attention.
Azula watched as the boys flocked to the water tribesman, awed by him. Her mind could only think of how her bending, the things that used to be her reason for living, fell to the bottom of her priorities. Not by choice, at least not her choice alone. How could she enjoy bending when everyone thought her next move would set everyone near her ablaze? No longer is she praised for her talent, skill, determination, and ambition. All of those things meant nothing to the people around her—the people who could send her back to the asylum.
So, she did her best to bite her tongue and fit the mold they set for her.
And that meant forgoing her bending, at least the way she was used to.
“Princess, can we see your bending?” Her train of thought was halted by Ku-San standing in front of her.
“I-“
“Yeah, can we see?” Another boy insisted.
“Is it really blue?” The question was asked, and Azula felt her body go rigid. It was like they were reading her mind.
“I don’t think-“
“Show us, Princess. I know I’d love to see the flames that took Ba Sing Se,” Chaska smirked, taunting her and she was finally able to push her feelings aside, anything to wipe the smirk off his face.
“It wasn’t my flames that did that. I didn’t need my bending for that.” Azula moved to the front of the group, thinking of the best routine to show off.
She removed her mittens, feeling the chill hit her fingers as she stuffed them in her pocket. It would be difficult in the snow, and she wouldn’t be able to use her legs or feet, but Azula knew she’d be able to excite them, proving her point.
The Princess took a deep breath, the air hitting her lungs like ice. That didn’t break her focus, air leaving her lips as she moved her feet and hands into position.
With her last deep breath, she let it flow through her body until it left through her fingertips. Her arms shot out in front of her, and the flames lit up the sky in flashes of blue and orange.
“It is blue!” The curious boy gasped as fire ignited in her hands, the warmth felt flush against her face.
“Woah,” Ku-San’s eyes lit up as the remaining embers crackled against the falling snowflakes. Azula looked back at him, the joy on his face making her feel a warmth she hadn’t felt about her bending in years. Very few people had seen it since she had left that wretched asylum and besides trainers, anyone who saw it immediately looked terrified.
A look that no longer felt good when pointed at her.
Ku-San and the rest of the boys had no clue what they had done for her at that moment.
“Thank you, teacher Azula. That was so awesome!”
“You’re welcome, Ku-San,”
Ku-San ran over to join the rest of the boys as they raved about her bending. Azula stood awkwardly in place, watching them as she carefully put her mittens back on. The boys turned toward the snow fort in the distance just as Chaska cleared his throat.
“Thank you for the lesson,” The oldest boy caught on, and the rest of the children bowed to Azula and Chaska before running off to play in the snow forts.
“Thank you, Princess,” Chaska copied the children, and she only nodded in response. “It was pretty awesome to see my kids in order,” He commented, and she looked up from the stretch she had started.
“What do you mean by that?”
“Nothing bad!” Chaska held his hands up, “Just that group is normally a rowdier bunch of boys. I was surprised that they weren’t goofing off or trying to beat each other up in the back,” Chaska explained, and she nodded.
“I see,”
“And your bending was incredible, I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“Thank you,” the princess was polite yet curt, still unsure of his intentions.
“I honestly didn’t think women could bend like that,” Chaska said, and Azula had to fight her reaction face’s instinct to curl in disgust.
“Teacher Azula, I’m going home now,” Azula looked over to see Ku-San a few feet in front of her. She thanked Agni and whoever else was there for the boy breaking up this awkward conversation.
“I’m actually going to walk him home, make sure he gets back to Somi safe,” Azula tried to find her way out of further conversation, but the Warrior refused to let up.
“Oh, I’ll walk him with you,” he smiled.
“Thank you,” Azula forced the words out.
The walk back to the igloos was short, Ku-San bragging about his skills while Chaska egged him on. The princess felt relieved when his mother approached the entryway, and Azula could see her escape over the horizon. Ku-San quickly ran off to tell his mother about his morning, Azula waving goodbye before mother and son disappeared into their home. She began her journey back to the ship to get some rest when she noticed Chaska walking beside her.
“Can I help you with something else?” She asked, and he nodded with a cocky smile.
“Yes, actually.” Azula raised her brow. “I was actually wondering if we could go on a date before you left?” Chaska continued, and the Princess froze in her spot. She had to be sure she heard him correctly.
“What?”
“A date. I know you like the library, or we could have lunch together later today?” Chaska suggested confidently, and Azula remained in her spot, trying to process what he had asked her.
“So that’s why you’ve been stalking me?” Azula mused, and Chaska turned beet red as he stumbled over his explanation.
“I wasn’t stalking you. I just… I wanted to get to know you. What you like,”
“You could’ve asked you know,”
“Yes but-“
“No.” Azula finally answered, cutting him off, and his smile dropped as the words died on his tongue.
“Why not?”
“One, we do not know each other. Two, we may never see each other again, I hate wasting time. Three, I’m just not interested.”
And most importantly, four, Azula was only interested in Sokka.
“But I could-“
“And four, I thought you said women couldn’t bend that well?”
“Well, not you, of course. I meant-“ The water bender began to stumble over his words, and Azula shook her head.
“Trust me, you do not want to attach yourself to me,” Azula told him as her legs regained function and she continued walking.
“Princess-“
“Let it go, peasant,”
“Peasant? I am anything but.”
“If you say so,”
“I do say so,”
“And this is why I said no.” Nothing else was said as she walked on to the library, leaving Chaska shocked as he stood in the snow.
“Princess, wait!” Sokka called out as he ran past the library. Azula turned around in her spot, her smile taking over as he jogged up to her.
“Hello Sokka,”
“Sorry, I left you alone at the library. I had some things I wanted to get in order before we left,” Sokka explained, and Azula rolled her eyes.
“It’s fine,” she did miss his presence, the questions he would ask about her studies, and the corny jokes he’d make to break the awkward library silence at her table.
“How was your morning? How was the training?” He asked, eager to hear about her day.
“It was fine. The group was decently behaved, nowhere near as well as Ku-San, but decent. I also showed them some of my bending.” Azula explained, and Sokka nodded. A smile took over his features.
“You did? Did you have fun?” Sokka questioned excitedly, and Azula still wasn’t sure how to respond. He was always so happy for her, about the things she did, and she was still trying to get used to it.
“I… I actually did. It felt nice to use it again, and not just start a fire for food. I missed it.” Azula answered, and his smile grew for a second before his expression turned serious.
“And Chaska wasn’t weird towards you, was he?”
“What’s your deal with him? You’re extra worried whenever I mention him.” Azula was curious. She wondered whether he was just Sokka's childhood rival or something deeper.
“Nothing. He’s just…we’ve never gotten along,” Sokka told her, and she raised her eyebrow despite letting it go.
“Well, he wasn’t weird, but he did ask me out on a date,” she watched for his reaction. He did his best to keep his own feelings at bay.
“What did you say?” Sokka couldn’t keep that in. He had to know her response, needed to know if Chaska had piqued her interest.
“Why do you want to know?” She questioned with a smirk, despite her own nervousness settling in her stomach.
“I- I just thought-“
“I said no,” she finally answered, watching as his body visibly relaxed. “He doesn’t seem like the type to treat me as his equal,” Azula elaborated, and Sokka nodded.
“He was never much of a gentleman,”
“Unlike you?” Sokka couldn’t hold back his laughter.
“I wasn’t always a gentleman. I think I was more like Chaska when I was younger, even if I couldn’t stand him.” Sokka explained.
“Then what changed? Sure, your manners could use some work-“
“I used to think women couldn’t be warriors, couldn’t be smarter or stronger than a man only a few years ago, right before we found Aang,” Sokka told her as they continued their walk back to the ship.
“Until one proved you wrong,” Azula guessed, and Sokka nodded.
“It was Suki,” Sokka told her, and she sucked in breath.
“Oh,”
“We went to Kyoshi island, and there was so much talk about the warriors, that I just had to see them. I was ready to show my skills and talk to them until I saw that they were girls. I tried to just brush them off until she put me on my ass,” Sokka laughed, and Azula chuckled with them.
“Something I would have liked to see,”
“Yeah, and as we traveled, I just realized that women could do the same things or more. I watched my sister and Toph do amazing things and realized I had to change. And then I just kept learning from the new people I met.” Azula listened to each word that left his lips, her attention never leaving the warrior. “And as I dated Suki, she just kept teaching me things,”
“Do you miss her?” Azula didn’t even realize the words had left her lips.
“I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it lately.”
“Really? I always heard that it was heartbreaking but I’ve never-“ Azula paused as she realized what she was going to say. She never had to go through a breakup, she’s never been in a relationship, and had that bond where someone cared for her so deeply that they’d miss her if she weren’t in their life. She’d never had that; she couldn’t imagine what that would feel like.
Azula didn’t finish her sentence; she just kept walking as Sokka tried to put together what went wrong. He walked behind her for a moment to catch up to her. They had finally reached the ship, and the doors were already open for them.
The Princess had already pulled off her mittens as she headed down the hallway, only stopping when she felt his ice-cold hands grab hers. She looked at him, his bright blue eyes, trying to see past the physical, see what was happening in her mind.
“Azula, what’s wrong?” He demanded, feeling a whirlwind of confusion, concern, and frustration.
“It doesn’t matter, it’s stupid,” Azula tried to snatch her hand, but he kept his grip.
“Your feelings aren’t stupid, Zula.”
“I just-“ the princess blew air through her nose before looking back at him, “I told Chaska no because I’m not interested in him, but I’ve never had that, a relationship, a boyfriend, and I don’t think I ever will.”
“Don’t say that,”
“Why not? Even if I said yes to him and grew to like him, I’d surely scare him away at some point. Say something, do something, anything wrong because that’s who I am. If my mother can’t even love me, how can I expect a stranger to? To love me and not just the wealth and power I might bring,” the words just kept coming, and Sokka took in every word.
His face went through a series of emotions before his brows furrowed, almost scowling at the princess, “Don’t say that again.” He was serious. There was no playfulness in his voice, no goofy grin.
“What?”
“Let’s go somewhere private first,” he finally let go of one of her hands, keeping the other in his grip as he led her toward her room.
Azula felt her heartbeat in her throat as her mind raced, trying to figure out what was happening. It didn’t take long for him to find it, swinging the door open and letting her take the first step inside.
Sokka closed the door behind him, walking past the princess as she remained frozen in her spot. She watched as he began to pace, walking in a straight line from one end of the room to the next. He was clearly thinking, trying to get his thoughts together.
Just tell her!
Azula, I feel that way about you.
Azula, I want to be your boyfriend.
The words are right there!
Just say it!
It was this moment when he almost just said it. Sokka wanted just to tell her that he was right there, he wanted to be with her, he wanted to be the person she was talking about, the person who didn’t care if she was rich or dirt poor.
But he couldn’t.
He was so scared of losing her friendship, so frightened of pushing her too far, too fast.
So he told her something else.
“Don’t say those things about yourself,” he demanded, and her eyes widened.
“That was what upset you? The truth?”
“It isn’t true. Maybe that you haven’t been in love before, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen,” Sokka is firm, his voice still holding some bite.
Her words really got to him.
The warrior probably had more faith in Azula than anyone, including the princess herself. It was another casualty of the Hundred-Year War.
“Okay,” she told him, and he shook his head, moving from one side of the room to right in front of her. He grabbed her hands again, pulling her closer before speaking again.
“I mean it. You deserve love, and you’ll have it one day.” Azula tried to keep her focus on anything else, but her eyes were drawn back to his. The sensation of his hands in hers felt like lightning running circles through her nerves.
She may have never been in love before, but this, this, felt like finally finding light after being in the dark for so long. This was the closest she would ever get.
And she’d do her best not to ruin it.
Even if it meant keeping her feelings to herself.
“Okay,” the Princess repeated as she pulled her hands away, unable to handle his stare or his touch for any longer. A few more seconds, and Azula wasn’t sure what she might do.
Actually, she knew exactly what she would do.
Kiss him. That’s what she would do.
And she should.
Just do it!
“Good,” he nodded as he stepped back, realizing just how close he was.
Her chance was gone.
“Can I change, or are you just going to stand there?” She needed him out of the room and a few moments to collect her thoughts and emotions. She was obviously joking with him now, trying to lighten the mood while dismissing him, but she noticed a blush on his cheeks. Sokka nodded as she mumbled a goodbye and rushed out the door.
“Wouldn’t you want to cook in a kitchen like this all the time?” Katara asked, and her grandmother scoffed.
“I cook just fine in my igloo,”
“I know you do, but you could have everything you need.”
“I already have what I need?”
“Just try it,”
“I am. Right now. When I teach the Princess how to gut this founder and make arctic hen,”
“What is up with you guys and Azula? You’ve just forgotten everything she’s done?” Katara questioned irritably.
“I have not. But I also know that she deserves a chance to prove she’s changed.”
“She hasn’t changed!” Katara exasperated.
“How would you know? Have you ever spoken to her? Had a conversation with her?”
“No, and I don’t want to! She’s evi-“
“Don’t finish that sentence,” the grandmother scolded.
Azula listened to the conversation from the other side of the door. Kanna insisted they met in the ship’s kitchen to prepare for their last dinner the following night. What Kanna didn’t tell her is that Katara would be there too. She didn’t like feeling tricked, and she foolishly still had faith in the old woman, hoping this was merely a coincidence.
It had to be a coincidence with the way Katara was speaking about her and how the conversation was going. It was always the same with her; anyone was capable of change as long as she said so.
The Princess had thought of an excuse to tell the old woman later when they made eye contact through the window. Kanna waved her hand, beckoning her to come inside before she could make her escape. Azula exhaled through her nose before pushing the door open. Her back was straight as she stood only a few centimeters from the door, refusing to move any further.
“You made it.” Kanna said excitedly, and Azula could only nod.
“Yes, I did.”
Kanna moved closer, meeting her at the door. Azula could feel the Waterbender's eyes on her, and it irritated her. This was the last thing she wanted right now. It was one of the final nights she got to feel like an actual person, a human. Once that boat left the ice, she’d go back to being Zuko’s circus animal. The tamed lunatic that everyone saw her as, one incident away from going feral.
“Katara invited herself. I would not trick you or force you to be with her like that,” how could she read her mind? Azula's cheeks turned red as she nodded, accepting Kanna’s word.
“I see that happening,” Azula told her, and the grandmother chuckled.
“Yes, and even with her here, I’d still like to teach you this before your trip back.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course, I’m sure,” Kanna pulled Azula by her arm, forcing her to follow as she walked over to the stove. Katara watched her grandmother with suspicion, waiting for Azula to slip up.
“I’ll talk to you later, Katara,” Kanna kissed her granddaughter’s cheek, ignoring her look of shock.
“I’m not leaving?”
“Yes you are,”
“No I’m not! I have to stay, I have to-“
“You already know how to make arctic hen and flounder, Katara,” Kanna told her.
“Gran-Gran,”
“Goodbye, Child,” the elder said with finality, and Katara huffed as she pushed out of the kitchen.
The elder quickly made her way back to the counter, pulling Azula closer. Kanna started with the hen, showing Azula the steps to remove the feathers from the bird. Azula found that part easy, the feathers coming off quickly without much mess. That would not last for long. The elder took out a large knife and handed it to Azula, who looked back with confusion.
“You have to cut off the head,” Kanna instructed, and Azula gagged.
“Why do I have to do it?” Azula questioned, her stomach already turning at the thought.
“Because I know how to do it. You don’t, you need to learn.” Azula blinked at the explanation before she eventually took the knife from Kanna’s hand.
Kanna showed Azula exactly where to cut, lining the knife against the base of the neck. She instructed the princess to make one firm chop through the bone. Azula hesitated for a second before she swung the knife down, cutting straight through the neck of the hen.
“Good Job,” Kanna complimented, and Azula nodded, despite her stomach still feeling queasy.
“Thank you,”
Kanna continued, showing Azula how to remove the organs from the inside, which did nothing to ease Azula’s upset stomach. After everything was removed and cleaned, the gruesome parts were over, and they moved on to simpler tasks like seasoning and wrapping the bird to keep it moist before roasting.
Azula watched as the woman moved around the kitchen, clearly knowledgeable about the tools there, even if they weren’t typically seen in the Water Tribes. She took mental notes about the tools she used, what made them unique, and how she used each one.
“What is that?” Azula didn’t even realize she spoke out loud until Kanna stopped to look at her.
“This?” The grandmother held up the tool, and Azula nodded. “It removed the scales from the fish. Gets them way better than a knife,” Kanna chuckled.
“We’re cooking fish too?”
“We? You are cooking fish, my dear.” Kanna held up the filet knife and nodded toward the fish. “And to start, you have to gut it.” Azula’s face fell, her stomach already in knots again.
“I see why we have chefs in the Royal Palace now,” Azula grumbled, taking the knife as Kanna laughed.
“Dad?” Sokka made himself known before entering the room.
“Everything okay?” He could tell his son needed some advice just by the way he wouldn’t meet his eyes.
“I’m not in trouble or anything.”
“I didn’t think you were, but something is troubling you,”
“Do you remember when I first woke up, and you asked about why we were together?”
“Yeah, you were very insistent that it was the opposite,” Hakoda smirked, eager to see where his son was going with this.
“I-“ what could he even say? He had feelings for her, and he knew that it would never go anywhere. So how was he supposed to be her friend when every day he felt himself want her more? “I feel that way now,” he answered.
“Really,” nothing was surprising about his son’s answer.
“You don’t sound surprised,” Sokka pointed out.
“Should I be?”
“I don’t know,” Sokka said, throwing himself in the chair in front of his father.
“Why would I be surprised that my son has a crush? You two have grown close. She clearly enjoys being around you and I heard that’s hard to achieve,” Hakoda went on, and Sokka shook his head. The chief observed his son, noting that he seemed genuinely distressed about this change in his feelings for the princess.
“Which part of this is bothering you?” The father asked.
“She would never feel the same way,”
“How do you know?”
“It’s Azula! She’s a princess, a fire bender. She deserves someone on her level. Someone who will challenge her and keep up with her.”
“And that’s not you?
“I’m not a bender. I’m not a noble, I’m-“
“You are intelligent, talented, caring and sometimes funny-“ Hakoda watched as his son feigned offense.
“I’m funny all the time,” Sokka butt in.
“And the Princess would be lucky to call you her partner,” Hakoda reassured him.
“I doubt she’d think so. I don’t think she wants a man who can’t even keep his food off his shirt,” Sokka told him.
“Have you asked her?”
“Absolutely not! We’re friends, and I don’t want to mess it up. She doesn’t have a lot of people on her side, and I still want to be there, even if I’m just her friend.”
“Okay,” Hakoda took in his son’s words. Sokka was smart; he was thinking about all the possibilities that could go wrong, but he was missing the other side of the coin. Everything could go right, and they could both stop dancing around what is right there. “So, what do you want to do?”
“I don’t know. We had a conversation earlier and she’s so… I always saw her as someone who could do anything, even if it was scary, even if she was my enemy. She’s smart, she’s talented, she knows combat, she knows history, she’s beautiful, and she thinks no one else will ever see her that way. I do, but I don’t want to mess anything up. I just… I had to tell someone else. Someone who wouldn’t question why I like her, why I feel the way I do.” Sokka couldn’t look at his father after he finished, almost embarrassed by everything he said. It was a lot, but it felt like a weight off his shoulders.
“Well, son, whatever you do, I’ll support you. I don’t want you selling yourself short. Keep being you, keep having her back and if it's meant to be, it will be.”
“Thanks dad,” Hakoda opened his arms, and Sokka reciprocated, hugging his father tight.
Azula walked through the ship’s corridors, trying to rush back to her room. The princess has woken up feeling exhausted, yet she still trained Ku-San for the full hour. She still had so much to do before they left, and she needed to be well rested to complete it. She quietly walked down the hallway, hoping no one else would be up this early. Her room was right at the end of the hall; Azula could see her escape. Until she heard footsteps round the corner, and her hopes were shattered.
Mai and Ty Lee appeared in her line of sight, and she froze. It wasn’t the first time she had seen them since she left the asylum, but this felt different. She felt their betrayal and the way she wished it could be undone, and that they could return to the way things were.
The pair also stopped at their end of the hallway, Ty Lee whispering in Mai’s ear. Azula opened her mouth and closed it again, finally regaining her ability to walk as she moved forward. She just wanted to get to her room and take a nap, or even be alone with her thoughts for a few hours.
The Princess stopped again just a few feet away from them, her throat feeling tight as she thought of what to say. This feeling was foreign, unnatural to her. So unnatural that she couldn’t put a name on it.
“Hi, Azula!” Ty Lee sounded nervous, yet she was still warm, a soft smile on her face. Mai, however, looked as though she could kill Azula where she stood.
“Hello, Ty Lee, Mai,” she addressed them both curtly. It was already awkward, and she just wanted to get past them to her room.
“Let’s go,” Mai said, her tone harsh as she pushed past Azula.
“Sorry,” it was just in Ty Lee’s nature to be apologetic. The shorter woman rushed to catch up with Mai, leaving Azula in the hallway.
“Don’t apologize to her,” Mai’s scolding demand was the last thing she heard as the pair turned the corner.
Azula finally caught her breath, rushing into her room and slamming the door shut behind her. She stood there, trying to calm herself after seeing them. She didn’t know how to feel about the interaction, and it didn’t sit well with the Princess.
They’re your friends, Azula, her mother's voice fluttered through her mind.
They were my friends. They aren’t anymore. They betrayed me. Azula responded.
They could be your friends again.
I don't want them as friends.
Or do you think they wouldn’t accept you back?
They won’t!
They didn’t betray you for any reason.
I know that!
Then why won’t you fix it?
I will not be rejected by them. I won’t allow them to hurt me again!
You weren’t the only one who was hurt.
Azula felt the drops of blood from her palm and realized she had pressed her nails so tightly they broke skin. She moved to her dresser, using a cloth to wipe her hand and apply some pressure.
She was startled by a knock on her door, throwing the cloth back down. The Princess looked at her hand, satisfied with how clean it was despite the crescents in her palm, before moving the door.
“What do you want?”
“It’s me!” Sokka said excitedly, and her attitude quickly shifted into a lighter one.
“Come in,” she called out.
Sokka walked into the room, a nervous smile on his face as he approached her. His smile fell as he noticed the cloth on the bed.
“Princess, what happened?” He immediately moved to her aid without thinking, taking her injured hand in his. She froze in her spot, not sure what she should say to him.
“It’s nothing,” she lied, hoping he would just let it go.
“It’s not nothing, I can see the imprint on your palm,” he pressed on, and she groaned.
“Sokka I’m fine,”
“You don’t have to lie. Not anymore, not to me,” Sokka immediately realized he probably shouldn’t have accused her of lying.
“I don’t have to tell you anything I don’t want to. I thought friends respect each other boundaries. Or is that something only I have to practice?”
“No, you’re right.” Sokka held his hands up in surrender, finally letting her go. Azula stepped back, her eyes narrowed as she stared back at him. “I didn’t mean that you were lying, I should’ve used a different word, hide, hide is a better word!” He continued. “I meant that you could tell me what’s wrong. I want to be there for you, even when you think you don’t need anyone. I won’t judge you, I’m just here to listen.” He finished, yet her face didn’t change.
“Do you want me to leave? I’m sorry if I ruined your mood.”
“No. Don’t leave,” Azula answered softly.
“Okay,” Sokka waited for her next move. It was apparent something had upset her, but she would tell him when she felt ready.
They sat together at the end of her bed, letting silence take over the room. She appreciated his explanation, but that didn’t ease her stress. She didn’t want to talk about Mai and Ty Lee; she didn’t want to get wrapped up in that part of her mind. Not after she had worked so hard to push it down.
And somehow, she told him about it anyway.
“I saw Mai and Ty Lee right before you showed up.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“I assume it didn’t go well?”
“Is there ever a time it does go well?”
“I guess not.”
“Exactly.”
“You shouldn’t hurt yourself because of it,”
“I wasn’t-“ she stopped, “it wasn’t intentional,”
“Okay,” he didn’t question her or fight back; he just took her word.
“Do you miss them?”
She did.
But sometimes she wasn’t sure whether she'd missed them or just that time in her life when she was on top—a time when she wasn’t reduced to the fire lord's crazy sister.
Still, the feeling was there.
But they were so different now. And so much had happened that went unaddressed. She didn’t even know if they could be friends now. And Azula wasn’t going to embarrass herself and show them that she needed them.
Wanted them back in her life.
“Yes,” she answered, and he nodded, not sure where to go from there.
“Maybe you could try apologizing to them,” Sokka suggested. Of course, he would. It was anything but that simple. Nothing was ever simple with her, including her problems.
“That’s pointless.”
“You don’t know that,” he countered.
“I do. They left me, betrayed me, and clearly, I meant nothing to them,” The Princess asserted.
“I don’t think that’s true,” Sokka protested.
“It doesn’t matter what you think! I know it to be true!” The conversation was over as Azula spoke with finality.
Sokka remained at the end of the bed as Azula went to wrap her hand. She worked carefully, wrapping the cloth around her palm before tying it off. She sat back down next to Sokka, allowing the silence to fill the space again.
“Are you excited for the stops? To see the other cities?” Sokka couldn’t leave her alone, but he knew not to push it any further. Not about her friends. Or lack thereof.
“Not really. Once people recognize who I am, they avoid me.”
“Maybe you could be more inviting?”
“Have you seen me?”
“Ku-San wasn’t scared. No one here, really.”
“You and your father were vouching for me. Without that, they probably would’ve let me drown.”
“Not true!
“If you say so.” Azula shrugged, staring straight forward, refusing to meet his bright eyes.
Sokka couldn’t say anything else. Her energy was no longer there, and he couldn’t blame her. He thought he had it bad enough with Suki and Zuko, but Azula definitely has it worse. There weren’t crowds of people eager to have her join their group. Keen to become her friend or get to know who she is now. Not without holding her past over her head.
She lay her head down on his shoulder, and he froze. He didn’t expect it, and he definitely didn’t expect the way it would make him feel. Sokka knew he was helping, but he couldn’t be her only friend, no matter how much she insisted it was okay. He gently rubbed her back, letting her choose what she needed to feel better.
It didn’t take long before he felt wet on his chest. He glanced down to see tears silently running down Azula’s face. He didn’t know whether to wipe her face or just leave her be. Sokka wrestled between the options for a moment, but Azula decided for him.
“I think I’d actually like to take a nap now.” The words were whispered as another tear sank into his shirt.
“Would you still like to go to the library later?”
Another whisper. “Yes.”
“Okay.” He sighed. “Rest well, Princess.” He told her, yet she did not attempt to leave his shoulder.
Azula sat there for a few more minutes until she was finally ready to leave his side. She moved to her drawers, pulling out more comfortable clothes as Sokka stood from her bed. He slowly made his way to her door, and Azula could hear each heartbeat as she waited for him to leave. Her eyes followed his every move as he turned the knob and silently left her room without turning back.
The Princess could finally let out a deep breath, and with it came a sob. The tears finally flowed freely as she silently undressed, carefully folding her training clothes and putting them away. She forgoes her lounging clothes and just gets under the blankets in her undergarments. Azula did her best to push down all the emotions and thoughts that had resurfaced, but nothing was working. A whimper came first, before the sobs fell in succession.
Sokka listened from the other side of the door, desperate to go inside and comfort her. But he had to respect her wishes, even if it meant breaking his heart and letting her fall apart on her own.