Chapter Text
Chapter 3: Come Away With Me in the Night
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later, it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight…
When he finally drifts off, Roman dreams.
He can see the scene like he's watching a movie. It's him facing Remus across their childhood living room, and the expression on his face is cold and angry. He watches himself scowl at Remus, who is hunched in on himself, crying.
"Of course I can't love you." He hears himself spit. "It's disgusting. You are disgusting. I can't believe I let you infect me with your grossness!"
Roman wants to scream at himself, to attack this version of him and make him eat those words. But he's frozen in place, unable to do anything but watch as Remus just curls up further, sobbing.
"I didn't mean to-"
"Yes you did." 'He' interrupts, scowling. "You had all these perverted thoughts and you manipulated me into wanting you back!"
No, no that's not true! Roman tries to shout as he watches his brother crumple, knees hitting the floor. love you! Tears bead in his own eyes, as he listens to Remus cry.
'Roman' surveys him dispassionately. "You deserve this, to hurt. Don't come near me again, I never want to see your face." H Roman watches 'himself' walk out the door and slam it behind him.
"Ro, please…" Remus whispers, voice small and trembling, "I'm sorry. Don't go…" He dissolves into harsh, guttural sobbing.
"No!" Roman gasps himself awake, tears on his face, and a voice in his head.
The space in his mind that had been blown wide open last year, and felt like it was stuffed with cotton ever since, aches hollowly. Disgusting! Everything you touch, you're so fucked! How could you want that? You're such a piece of shit, everyone will figure it out and they'll leave you and Roman will leave you and you'll die alone and it's what you deserve!
Roman's head spins. It's his voice and it's not at the same time, It's- Remus! He realizes with sinking dread. The voice and the dream both. It's what Remus is thinking right now.
He's on his feet and scrambling out the door before he even thinks about it. Down the hall, first left, one door… two- "Remus!" He pounds on the door. "Re, please let me in!"
He can't hear anything and his heart beats faster. "Remus, open the door, please!" He's distantly aware that he's crying, but it doesn't matter. He can feel the pain in the constant stream of words filling his mind. He digs frantically in his pocket for the key he'd kept even though he knew he shouldn't. "Re, can you hear me? I'm coming in."
It's dark inside, and both beds are empty. Heart in his throat he scans the room. It plummets when he finally spots Remus. His brother is curled as tight as he can between one bed and the wall, hand pressed tight over his mouth. The other hand tears at his hair. He rocks and shudders, nearly silent despite the force of his crying. Roman's heart shatters.
"Re, oh baby, please don't do that." Roman kneels in front of him, tugging his hand away from his scalp. "Hey, it's okay, you're okay."
Remus fights him, trying to curl tighter. "I'm so- I'm sorry… I-I didn't want…" Pathetic, you woke him up, what is wrong with you?!
Roman holds his wrist in the loosest grip possible, his other hand hovering."No darling, don't apologize. Shh, shh, can I touch you?" Remus flinches back.. "Okay, okay, but you need to breathe. Re, can you breathe for me, baby." He gasps, breath stuttering as he breathes out. Nice and slow, that's it."
As soon as he can speak, Remus starts trying to talk. "Please don't… don't want…" Don't hate me, please, don't leave… he slips back into uncontrollable sobs.
Roman clenches his hands on his thighs. "Oh darling. Listen to me. I don't hate you, I'm not going anywhere. Please don't cry, I love you so much." He wants to offer comfort, but he won't touch Remus like that without his consent. Not again.
He's lying, no one loves you. You're evil and disgusting and-
A mournful sound escapes Roman. "I do, Remus, Re please. You're not any of those things. It's alright, you're okay, you'll be okay. I promise." Tears prickle at his eyes. He's holding himself so tense.
Something must show in his voice because Remus' eyes seem just a little more present. He blinks and focuses blearily on his brother. "...Roman?"
"I'm right here." Roman breathes.
Remus' whole face crumples. He reaches out, tugging at Roman's sleeve. "Can… can you- please…?"
Roman lets himself be pulled forward, slumping with relief when Remusburrows against him "Hug you? Oh darling, of course I can." His heart throbs like a toothache until he wraps Remus up in his arms. "Come here, shh shh. Hush now, I've got you."
"I'm- I… sorry sorry I'm so sorry. The voice in his head is so frantic.
"Remus, darling, you don't have to apologize." Remus is still crying, breath hitching wetly against Roman's collar. Roman is worried he might pass out. " Please, baby, I need you to slow your breathing for me. In and out, slow." He tries, whining when his breath shudders out. "It's okay, try again. Just like that, you're doing so good. Hush, my love, it's alright. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. I swear it."
Remus' thoughts growl louder in his head. Stop, shut up! Stop whining like a little bitch before he hates you even more, useless…
"I don't hate you, Re. I could never-" Remus jerks, and Roman can feel him realize he's not talking out loud. The connection cuts off abruptly. "Oh please don't shut me out again. Love, talk to me."
"Ro… you don't want to hear what goes on in my head. It's not pretty in here." Remus says, voice strangled.
"I don't care. You're my soulmate-no don't-" Remus startles again and Roman clutches him tighter, kissing his forehead. "-and I love you. And I will always love you, and I will always want to know what you're thinking."
"But-" Hesitantly, the connection opens again. -you heard all that, how could you want this in your head.
"I want it. Re, if it's you, I want it." Roman is insistent, voice strident. "Besides, how can I battle your demons if I can't hear them?"
That startles a hysterical giggle out of Remus. He sighs. "Oh my God, you're so dramatic. Seriously, they're my 'demons'. You shouldn't have to fight them." His voice trails off, small and sad.
Roman frowns. "...If they're what's been keeping you away from me, then they're my demons too."
"Roman." Now Remus sounds exasperated. He pulls back to glare up at him. "I have to stay away from you. We can't! We can't be together."
"And why not?" Roman is aware he sounds petulant. But he can't see any reason not to be together if that's what Remus wants as well.
Remus closes his eyes, pulls away. "It's wrong." No matter how much I want you.
Now it seems it's Roman's turn to beg. "Does this feel more wrong than being apart? Then fighting and avoiding each other?" He can't help the desperation he says it with. He can't go back to a life without Remus in it, especially since he knows they'd both be suffering for it.
"But it- No one will accept this." Remus can't meet his eyes. It suddenly hits Roman that his twin is scared. Remus, who has never once been anything but his authentic self, is afraid to be with him because other people might judge them. His next words confirm it. "They'll call us disgusting, they might even lock us up."
This fear Roman can address. He puts on his most determined face, saying firmly. "Then I'll fight them all as well. I love you, and I want you. I'm not giving that up."
"Be realistic here-"
"No. No, fuck that! Remus, listen to me, please. This last year, with you avoiding me, was the worst year of my life. If it had just been my soulmate not talking to me, I could have handled it, but with you not talking to me…" He chokes up, but pushes through it. He needs Remus to understand. "You have always been the person I love most, and then you cut me off and I-"
"Roman." Remus looks at him helplessly, a thousand emotions on his face.
"I can't handle that again. I need you, I'm not me without you." He pleads, catching Remus' hand and bringing it to his lips. "And anyone who doesn't get that, isn't worth our time."
"But Virgil, your friends? What if they freak out." It's asked quietly, like Remus is trying to remind himself of the consequences.
Roman smiles at him through his tears. "Virgil won't, I don't even think he'll be surprised. And the rest of them are not worth more to me than you."
Remus bites his lip. "What if you get tired of dealing with me?"
"Hasn't happened yet, I'm pretty sure you're stuck with me forever." A small doubt flares in Roman's stomach. "I could ask you the same. I know I'm a lot of drama to handle."
Remus scoffs. "Don't be stupid, you're the most interesting person I know." Roman just raises his eyebrows in response. Remus blinks, flushing and scowling. "Don't look at me like that."
"Pot, meet kettle."
"You're insufferable."
"You love me."
"Unfortunately." Remus' tone suggests it's the least unfortunate thing he can think of.
"Hey, I love you too."
The floor is starting to become uncomfortable so they relocate to the bed. Remus pulls Roman down to rest against his chest. Roman clings tightly, letting the steady thrim of his brother's heartbeat wash away all of the stress from the last year.
He thinks Remus might have fallen asleep until he begins to shift restlessly. Roman glances up and Remus is watching him, biting his lip. He blushes bright red at Roman's questioning noise.
"Can you…" He trails off, nose wrinkling.
Roman leans up to cup his face. "Can I what, love? Whatever you need."
Remus groans, but there's a smile on his face "You should be careful making promises like that. I might take advantage."
Roman grins wickedly. "Oh? I'm not sure I'd be opposed to being taken advantage of." He shifts to straddle his brother, grinning at the whine he lets out.
Remus pouts at him."Kiss me again. Please?"
"Gladly."
Roman leans down and kisses him gently. Then he peppers kisses over Remus' entire face until his brother is squirming and laughing under him. When he can't resist anymore he captures his lips in another deeper kiss.
Remus gasps, startled, and then melts into him. His hands come up to clutch at Roman's shoulders. The whimper he gives when Roman nips at his lip is gratifying. It's everything he wants in this world. If just kissing him feels like flying, Roman may never let him out of this bed again.
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now…
~♡~
All I want is to fly with you
All I want is to fall with you
So just give me all of you
It feels impossible
It's not impossible
Is it impossible?
Say that it's possible…
Telling other people goes like this:
Patton bounces on his feet with them barely in the door. His grin is blinding. "Oh, Ro! I'm so happy for you! For both of you."
"You're okay with the… brothers thing?" Roman squeezes Remus' hand to remind him that the answer won't change anything.
A flash of sadness flickers across Patton's face. "How could I judge a soulmate bond? I'd be lost without Logan, I'd never want to keep anyone from the one they love."
Logan; who Roman hasn't talked to much, but who has always seemed intimidatingly rational; clears his throat. "Our current culture's reaction to familial romantic relationships is not the standard. Even now most other countries make exceptions for romantic soulmate bonds. To do otherwise would be foolish."
Roman ducks his head against Remus' shoulder, relieved tears in his eyes. "Thank you."
"Of course. Come here kiddos, both of you. Welcome to the family." He hugs them both tightly.
Virgil, on the other hand, just stares at them over face-time. Then he lets out a huge groan. "Fucking finally! God you two are such dumbasses."
"What?" Remus sits forward from where he was half hidden behind Roman. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Virgil rolls his eyes "I was there for this whole last year, with both of you. I have eyes. I was just waiting for you to catch on."
"Oh " Remus sounds confused and uncertain."It doesn't bother you?"
"Why would it? I know you two, there's never been anyone else that could handle either of you." He grins at them, and Roman feels so grateful for their oldest friend. If there was anyone who could have broken Remus' heart over this, it was Virgil. But he's just as supportive as Roman had hoped.
A new face pipes up from beside Virgil. This is Janus, who smiles wryly at them through blond bangs. "Congratulations. I'll miss listening to Virgil's neverending lamenting about your mutual stupidity- Hey!" He cuts off as Virgil walks him with a pillow.
Virgil is flushed but he looks happy, settled even as he glares. "Serves you right. I'll talk to you later morons, peace."
The signal cuts out and Remus slumps into Roman's side for reassurance cuddles.
By mutual agreement, they don't say anything to their parents. They were never close anyway, and they've barely spoken since the twins headed off to college.
No one important gives up on them. They're together, and loved and happy. Roman could cry he's so content.
It's up to you
And it's up to me
No one can say what we get to be
And why don't we rewrite the stars?
Changing the world to be ours…
~♡~
Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountaintop
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you…
One night after they get back to Florida, they're camped out in Remus' room, lounging. They have to start fall semester soon, so they're taking advantage of the ability to just hang out while it lasts. Remus is doodling on his arm, small repeating patterns just to watch them show up on Roman's skin. Roman fiddles with the small item in his pocket, debating showing it to his brother.
It's sappy and cliche, cutesy even. Remus is just as likely to moan about cavities as he is to appreciate it, but… he worked hard on this. So he breathes, and fishes out the flash drive. "I made you something. It's a playlist of songs from our trip, and ones that remind me of you."
Remus arches a brow at him, but takes it obligingly and plugs it into his laptop.
He's nearly silent for several songs. Then, he says wonderingly,"...these remind you of me?"
"Every word." Roman confirms, feeling his face heat.
Remus grins, wide and bright and happy. "Sap." He sounds nothing but affectionate. Then he suddenly scrambles up. "I wanna show you something."
He rummages in his still unpacked duffel, coming back with a scrapbook. Roman catches his breath, the first few pages are candids of Roman from the trip, then slowly Remus filters in. Several of the pictures were snapped for them by strangers. They're laughing together, or just enjoying the scenery. It's interspersed with all of the shots Roman took when he stole the camera. All in all, it's the best moments from this summer, highlighted.
"Re, this is beautiful."
Remus shrugs. "I never wanted to forget any of it." He cocks his head, listening to the song from Ibiza. "Now I definitely won't.. "
Together they listen to the whole thing several times. They match the songs to the pictures and reminisce. Remus goes quiet at some of the songs, looking at Roman like he can't believe anyone would think of him when they play. That's alright though, they have all the time in the world for Roman to prove him wrong.
After a while Roman curls into his soulmate, sighing contentedly. "Do we have to go back to real life. I wanna stay like this forever."
Remus' response is immediate. "I'm down, let's run away together."
"We could, though. I mean, we have to go back for a bit, but then… we could go anywhere and do anything." Roman says. He's thought about it before, just the two of them
"Whatever you want, I'm good for, babe." Remus kisses him, and Roman thrills. "It doesn't matter to me where I am as long as it's with you "
I was right. Roman thinks, catching the smile that means Remus is listening to his thoughts. My soulmate understands me better than anyone else ever could. "I'm the luckiest man in the world."
And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me
~♡fin♡~