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Chapter Text

Tess-Man Cave

I can't believe that it's only been a week since finding out that I'm related to Ray. Char and Schwoz are helping Jasp practice for some trampoline dodge ball tournament.

"Oh! Missed me! Ah! Keep tryin'! Ah! Got me there!" The alarm for the tubes goes off. Oh, Ray--I mean Uncle Ray and Hen are back. Seriously going to be some getting use to saying Uncle Ray instead of Ray. The tubes come down and so do they.

"Ooo, that was close."

"That was pretty great right."

"Hey guys, guess what just happened--" A ball that Schwoz threw hits the wall and hits Uncle Ray in the nose.

"Aah! My nose!!!"

"Who threw that ball?"

"Yeah who?! I mean, I'm oh-kay... but who?!?"

"Eh...Charlotte!"

"I didn't throw that ball!"

"You did too! She did! Jasper, you saw! Wasn't it Charlotte who--" Char throws a ball at Schwoz.

"Oh, my nose!"

"THAT was me." Go Charlotte!

"Ahhh, lookit! My nose is bleeding. From both holes!" Ray--Uncle Ray grabs Schwoz.

"Don't fret, Schwoz. Captain Man knows how to fix a nosebleed." Uncle Ray takes Schwoz over to the auto-snacker. UNCLE Ray hikes Schwoz up to the platform that leads to his sprocket.

"Two hot dogs, plain."

"Hot dogs?"

"Shhhhhh."

"Two hot dogs. Plain." Uncle Ray takes the two plain dogs when the door to the auto snacker opens.

"Hey Hen! Guess what I'm training for."

"Uhhh...does it involve bouncing?"

"Kinda." I see Uncle Ray shoving hot dogs up Schwoz's nose? Ew!

"Let me give you a hint."

"He's training for a three-on-three Dodge-A-Leen tournament."

"Awww, your hint revealed too much!"

"Hey...I've heard of Dodge-A-Leen."

"Owwie! Be gentle."

"Oh, hush. Isn't that basically just dodgeball on trampolines."

"Pretty much."

"Yeah, I thought so."

"W-wait, So, who are the two other players on your team?"

"Well, one is Piper..."

"Wh--my little sister Piper?"

"Yeah! She's small, so it makes her hard to hit, and she's naturally vicious!"

"That is true. Why didn't you ask Tess instead?"

"I said no."

"Oh."

"Tell him who you want the third member of your Dodge-A-Lenn team to be."

"Welllll... He's about this tall..." Just spit it out, Jasp.

"Allllll right, I get it."

"He's handsome..."

"Oh God, stop. I can't take this anymore."

"So will you be on my team?"

"Yeah, sure man, sounds fun."

"I know! 'Cuz with your new superpower... your uh... hydro-mo-diddly..." Not even close.

"Hyper-motility."

"Yeah yeah. With your insane hand-speed and footspeed, the other teams won't be able to lay a ball on you!"

"Wait wait waaaiiit a minute..."

"Oh heeeeere it comes."

"All right, okay." Uncle Ray gets the hotdogs up Schwoz's nose. That is just gross.

"Lemme guess. You have some reason why this is bad, or wrong, or dangerous, or too much fun."

"Will you two let Char finish what she was going to say?"

"Uh, I have a reason... Henry's superpower is for fighting crime. Not for bouncing and dodging balls."

"Yeah. He can't use his superpower to win competitions." Like how Timmy from Fairly Odd Parents can't use his fairies to win competitions. What? I still like to watch TV.

"You're a fun squasher."

"Yeah."

"Okay, you better take that back..."

"No."

"Or when you ask me to be on your team, I'm gonna say no."

"I take it back."

"Good."

"Will you be on my team?"

"No."

"She tricked me..."

"Sorry Kid. Alright Schwoz, I want you to keep those hot dogs up your nose for another--" Did Schwoz eat those hotdogs? Ew!

"Did you eat those bloody nose hot dogs?"

"I'll never tell."

"Ewww..." I think we all are gonna be sick now.

Dodge-A-Leen

At Dodge-A-Leen with Hen and Char to support Jasp and his team. I can't believe he asked Oliver to be on his team.

"Okaaay, comin' up next, we got...the Jumpin' Jaspers...who'll be goin' up against the Bilsky Bouncers." 1. Why did Jasp pick that for his team name and 2. Bitch has team and is playing in this competition?

"Yeah, that's right! I'm Mitch! And I am back! The Mitch is back!"

"Back from what?"

"Back from...shut up, Hart! Hello again, Teresa."

"Good one." Is Oliver eating ice cream right now? That will not be fun for the janitorial staff to clean up later if Oliver gets hit the stomach and pukes.

"Hey guys, I'm ready to play."

"Dude, you don't stuff your face fulla food right before a match!"

"Don't tell me how to live my life."

"Hey, I'm going to the bathroom real quick."

"Why?"

"To take a tennis lesson."

"Uh...okay. Well, since you were just very sarcastic to me, now you can't have a lick of my ice cream cone." Char takes the ice cream out of the cone and walks away.

"Hey, check out this mischief." Bitch throws a ball at Oliver.

"Hey! Who just heaved that ball?!" Oliver is now choking.

"Okay! Both teams ready?"

"Uhhh...come on, you okay?"

"Hey hey, what's wrong?"

"He won't stop choking." Oliver falls on the floor.

"Oliver!"

"Dude, wake up!"

"C'mon! You guys got three players ready to go or not?" Jasp...

"Uhhh, one sec! Henry, Tess, one of you has to join our team!"

"Dude, I totally would, but Ray said I can't use my superpower for stuff like this and Tess is still healing from facing Drex."

"Ray's not here!"

"Charlotte and Tess are!"

"So?"

"So if I join your team, you know that they're gonna give me that look."

"What look?" Hen shows Jasp the look.

"Um, are we gonna play Dodge-A-Leen? Or are you two just gonna stand here and kiss?" BITCH!

"We're just good friends!"

"Ooh, we're just good friends. My name's Henry Hart and I got a bunch a'good friends! Duma-dum-dee-dum. Ha ha!"

"Bitch, shut up!"

"Yes, Teresa."

"All right... Let's doge some balls." And Ray--Uncle Ray is going to be on our asses if he finds out about this.

"Yeah!"

"It's go time!"

"Woo!"

"Yeah! Come on!"

"I'm a girl!" Both teams head in. They show the match on the screen.

"If you get hit with a ball, you're out! If you throw a ball and your opponent catches it, you're out! When all three team members are out--you lose! When I say 'dodge'-- you dodge!" Char comes out of the bathroom.

"Hey, where did Henry g--" Char looks up and sees Hen on one of the screens.

"All right, here we go." The guys blows the whistle.

"Dodge!!!" Balls fall from the celing and the match begins. Jasp gets hit.

"You're out!"

"Awww!" Jasp gets off the trampoline. Piper gets hit.

"Ah!"

"You're gone!"

"Dang it!" Piper gets off the trampoline which means it's only Hen left on the team.

"NAIL 'IM!" Bitch and his team try to get Hen out but, Hen dodges it. Hen catches two of the other team's balls which means they're out.

"You're gone! And you're gone! And now it's down to one against one!" It's now Bitch against Hen. Hen kicks one of the balls and it hits Bitch, making Bitch's team lose.

"Game!!!" Everyone cheers and Char is not happy about this.

"And the Jumpin' Jaspers advance to the next round!"

"We won!"

"Yeah!" Where did Char go--Uh-oh. I better follow her. I follow Char to where Hen, Jasp, and Piper are at.

"Next round baby!"

"Round two!"

"Yeah round two baby! Yeah!"

"Oh my God, that was great."

"There's the look." Uncle Ray is so going to be on our asses if he finds this out.

Man Cave

We come downstairs via the elevator.

"No, no, no--the best part was the look on their face when you dodged all those balls. Like...Waaah! H'yaaah!"

"Yeah! The best part was when I kicked the ball right into Mitch's face, and he was all...ahhh." And here comes Uncle Ray.

"Hey guys! What are you guys laughin' about?"

"Oh, uh, just uhhh..."

"We were just like..."

"We were just talking..."

"I texted him..."

"Yeahhh..."

"And I didn't see him..."

"And I was like ah, yeah so..."

"Sooo, like..."

"So, how's it going?"

"So, how you doing?"

"Okay... I feel like there's somethin' goin' on here, and you guys don't wanna tell me what it is."

"Naw, nothings goin' on..."

"No, nothing at all..." Ray--Uncle Ray is giving Jasp a look.

"I didn't mean to do anything bad!"

"What--Jasper don't--"

"Oliver choked on a food bar and passed out!"

"Stop talking."

"So I had to either forfeit or ask Henry or Tess to play!"

"Ah, nice job."

"I know Henry wasn't supposed to use his hyper motility to play Dodge-A-Leen and Tess is still healing from facing Drex, but he said he would play and we won, but now I'm scared of the consequences!"

"You've killed us."

"Henry...? Did you seriously use your superpower to win a game of dodgeball played on trampolines?"

"Yeah. Yeah I did, okay."

"Wh-I-ah! Charlotte, Tessa, how could you allow this to happen?"

"Us?!"

"Well, you two are the responsible ones."

"I was in the bathroom!"

"And I'm still healing! And also, didn't want to go to jail for murder."

"Why?"

"Wh--Why?!? Because I drink liquids."

"Okay. You promise to never do it again?"

"No, I'm doin' it again tomorrow."

"What...Tomorrow?!?"

"With all dude respect...you're not the boss of me when I'm not working, so..."

"Oh... Okay. I see. Okay. Well you just keep on playin' then."

"Really? I mean, you're cool with it?"

"No...But you just keep on playin'." Uncle Ray starts to back up slowly.

"What does that mean?"

"Nothin'."

"But, it kinda sounded like...""

"Nothing. Okaaay?"

"'Kay."

"'Kayy..."

"'K..."

"'K..." Uncle Ray disappers.

"'K..."

The Next day

I walk in with Jasp, Hen and Piper. I don't even want to know why Jasp is wearing a crop top.

"Let's do this!"

"I... Will you or Tess say something to him!"

"Yeah, Jasper, buddy, will ya please put on a shirt that goes all the way down to your pants?"

"Why? We're in round two. And this'll show 'em that we play to win."

"Nooo. All it's gonna show 'em is that you've got a weird belly button!"

"What's wrong with it?"

"Just..." Hen and I look over at the snack bar and see Uncle Ray, Schwoz, and Char sitting there.

Chapter Text

Tess

Hen and I look over at the snack bar and see Uncle Ray, Schwoz, and Char sitting there. Why are they here?

"Awww, what is this?"

"What's what?"

"Um, nothin'... Will you sign us in, please."

"Sure."

"Thank you."

"Anything to get away from that weird hole." Piper goes to sign them in.

"Hey, I'm gonna go to the bathroom to look at something."

"Your belly button?"

"Nooo." Jasp covers his belly button with a napkin dispenser and walks off to the bathroom. Hen walks over to where Uncle Ray, Schwoz, and Char are sitting at.

"Uh, heyyyy." Ray--Uncle Ray, Schwoz, and Char turn to look at Hen.

"Whooaaa, check out the competition."

"Yah! Look who it is! That guy!"

"I'd rather be anywhere but here."

"Okay, what are you guys doin', will you get outta here?"

"Whoooaaa! No can do, broseph."

"Yahhh, you better check your privilege."

"Why are you guys here?" Uncle Ray gets up.

"To make sure you don't win this competition by misusing your superpower."

"Oh really? And how ya gonna do that?"

'Well, if you don't quit and drop out, we're gonna have to beat you." Uncle Ray should not be threating Hen like this. Yes, Hen shouldn't be misusing his power for stuff like this but, Uncle Ray should not be doing this either!

"Oh really? Well my reflexes are about a hundred times faster than yours, so... how are you gonna do that?" Why is Uncle Ray putting on a glove?

"Easy. With this.."

"You're gonna beat me by wiggling your fingers?"

"Nooo! By using this special glove that Schwoz made."

"I didn't get a special glove."

"What makes that glove so special?"

"Well, let's just say...it makes a person throw balls a little faster than normal. Observe." Uncle Ray picks up a ball and throws it. I duck and it hits Oliver in the face, and boomerangs back to hit a worker in the face. Why is Oliver laying in front of the door?

"Uh, is Oliver okay?"

"Yeah, he's okay."

"Impressive...but, uh, my hyper-motility still makes me a little bit faster than you."

"You're not that fast."

"Well, then how did I pull Schwoz's pants down, without any of you noticing?"

"Pfftt. You didn't pull Schwoz's pa--oh." I didn't even know that Hen did that.

"See you guys on the tramps."

"I don't wanna see this."

"Come on. Would you pull your pants up?!" They head in. This is not going to end well.

Later

"Okay, we're down to just six teams for this year's Dodge-A-Leen tournament. First up, we got the Jumpin' Jaspers playing against the Dodger Dolls. "

"Dodge!" The match begins. All of the balls end up on Jasp's side. Hen, Jasp, and Piper throw the balls at the other team, making the other team lose.

"You lose!"

"And the Jumpin' Jaspers advance!"

Later...Again

"Now we've got the Smack Masters against Bro-Force One!" Why did Ray--Uncle Ray or Schwoz pick that as a name?

"Dodge! You're out! You're out! You're out!" Bro Force wins.

"You lose!"

Jasp's team goes up against the Throwbacks. Two of the members of the Throwbacks try to get out but, Hen catches their balls and gets them out. The last one tries to do same but, Hen catches the ball in between his knees. Good thing, the person didn't aim any higher.

"You lose!!!"

Uncle Ray's team goes up against the Sphere Mongers. Why is Schwoz using Char as a shield? Ray gets one person out. Another one. The last one just gets out.

"That's game!!!"

"Bro Force one! Bro Force one! Yeah!"

It's now Jumpin' Jaspers against Bro Force one.

"All right people, this is it! The Dodge-A-Leen finals!" Everyone cheers.

"On the north tramp, we're gonna have... Bro Force One!"

"Bro Force One! Taking names, Dodgin' balls. All right!"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah man! Dodge-A-Leen."

"What it izzzz!"

"Hi everyone."

"And on the South tramp, we're gonna have The Jumpin' Jaspers!" Everyone cheers.

"Okay, teams. It's tramp time!" Both teams head in.

"All right! Both teams... I want a good clean match. No spittin'. No ball slappin'. No nose pickin'. Hey! No glaring."

"Uh, sorry."

"I didn't know."

"Ready? Dodge!!!" The match begins.

"Come on!"

"Oh no...don't throw a ball at my foot." Jasp throws a ball at Char's foot.

"You're out!"

"Darn it." Char gets off the tramp and Hen accidentally launches Piper.

"Waaaaahhhhh!!!"

"Uh, Piper flew away!"

"Jasper, look!"

"What the--" Schwoz tricks Jasp and gets Jasp out.

"Ah!"

"You're out!" Hen kicks a ball and gets Schwoz out.

"Nooooo! Ayyyeee!"

"You're out!" It's down to Uncle Ray and Hen.

"C'mon. I dare you. I dare you." Uncle Ray throws both of the balls but, Hen dodges. Uncle Ray keeps throwing balls but, Hen dodges. Hen slips in a ball and falls. Uncle Ray is about to throw the ball but, another ball hits Uncle Ray.

"You're out!"

"What the--?!?"

"Piper, you got him!"

"No way, dude! She was already out!" No, Piper got launched.

"No, she wasn't!"

"The girl was never hit by a ball, I did not call her out--so you lost!"

"You're not gonna call me out for that!" Uncle Ray starts to argue with the ref. This was a very long day.

A couple of days later-School

Why do I hear a honking noise in school?

"You all heard the bell! Get to class! Schnell!" Why is Miss. Shappen on a bike?

"Go on, get to class! Schnell! I mean it!" We all start to head to class.

"Henry! Schtopp!"

"Uh, Miss.Shappen..."

"Yeah? What?"

"Why are you riding a tricycle?"

"Oh because. Last night, right before I fell asleep, I stepped in cat food." And you didn't wash it off before you went to bed, why?"

"And...?"

"And by the time I woke up, my cats had eaten part of my left foot." Miss. Shapen shows us her bandaged left foot.

"Oh geez!"

"Oh my God!"

"Now Henry... I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 100."

"That's cool for you."

"Guess what the number is."

"Uh...thirty-eight?"

"Wrong! The number was thirt-- Pick another number!"

"Uhhhh... seventy-four."

"Wrong! Now you have to do me a favor."

"Ulch...Why?!?"

"Because you picked the wrong number."

"May Tess and I go to class please?"

"No. Just stand there and both of you say something every once in a while. You too, Curly Sue. Now this favor...is about my niece, Noelle..."

"Ooo, I love the name Noelle."

"Don't talk yet, Charlotte!"

"Sorry."

"My niece is coming to visit, here in Swellview..." Where are you going with this, Miss.Shappen?

"Okay."

"And normally, I would have her stay with me, but she's allergic to cats."

"Oh."

"And nuts. Cats and nuts."

"My cousin's allergic to nuts."

"Perfect timing. You see Charlotte? That's how you chime in."

"Now, what was I talking about?"

"Uhh...Your niece Noelle is allergic to cats."

"And nuts. Even nut dust. So I want Noelle to stay at your house."

"What? Why my house?"

"Because you guessed the wrong number!" A girl with a suitcase walks in. That must be Noelle.

"Hi...Aunt Sharona?"

"Oh, hey. That's her. Noelle...this is Henry. You'll be crashin' at his place.

"Hiiii...Hey. It's really cool to meet you."

"Uh, stay at my house!"

"What-what are you doin'?"

"I mean Noelle needs a place to stay, so!"

"Well she can stay--"

"I don't have any cats or nuts!"

"Well, neither do I! But, he has a Tess."

"I mean, Miss. Shapen, I could totally just--"

"Hey! Who guessed the number wrong? Me! I guessed wrong! That means, she has to stay at my house. Right Noelle? Thank you."

"Oh man, this is pathetic."

"Oh, Charlotte, Tess, will you two please get to class?"

"But I... All right...you people are crazy. Seriously, all a'you. Cray...zeeee." Char and I head off to class.

Man Cave

"You know I'm right."

"Yeah, I know you're annoying me."

"Come on, you pushed my last girlfriend out of a window."

"Courtney was psycho!"

"Okay, only because she was chasing Charlotte with a power tool!"

"All right, all right... What's this back-n-forth banter about?"

"Okay--when two guys, who are buddies, like the same girl, which guy gets her?"

"Yeah, which guy gets her?" Oh my God! Why are we talking about this?

"'Gets her?' Umph...what does that mean?"

"Oh, I think they mean, uh...which guy 'obtains' her."

"Yeah, like, gets to have her."

"Mmhmm, for his own."

"You guys! Miss. Shapen's niece is a person. She'd not yours to 'get' or 'have'. She's not the last half of a sandwich."

"What's she saying?"

"Um...I guess-"

"I'm saying, you should both ask her out, and maybe let Noelle decide which one of you she wants to go out with."

'What?"

"Pfft..."

"'Let her decide.'"

"Okay!"

"Genius!"

"What? Are you guys afraid to ask Noelle which one of you she wants to go out with?"

"Pfft. Yeah, right. No..."

"I doubt it, all right."

"Yeah, I am so sure."

"I fear no man."

"More like, not afraid."

"Hey, I just don't want you to be upset when Noelle chooses to take the J-train."

"Uh, okay...well the only thing more powerful than the J-train is...the H-bomb." Of whom is making me blush after making that comment.

"I'm sorry 'H-Bomb' but here come da J-Train. Chugga chugga, chugga-chugga CHOOO CHOOOOOO."

"Well...Boom!"

"A chugga chugga, chugga-chugga CHOOO CHOOOOOO."

"Bwah!"

"Chugga chugga..." Char pulls out a blaster.

Chugga chugga choo choo!"

"Boom! Bam!" Char turns on the blaster.

Hart House

Jasp is dragging me along for some reason to ask out a girl.

"Oh, you're gonna be so sad when Noelle chooses me. This is gonna be great."

"All right man..."

"I can't wait to ask her."

"Oh I wish you would--"

"Chugga-chugga CHOOO CHOOOOOO!"

"You can't keep doing that."

"Hey Henry, your teacher's niece is upstairs getting settled in the guest room."

"Goooooooood."

"Yeah, good for me."

"'Scuze me."

"Mom, Dad...I won't be available this Saturday night, because I will be taking our house guest on a date." That's if she says yes to you.

"Mmm-mmm...Scoff!"

"Don't scoff at me!"

"I scoff! Because I will be taking Noelle on a date this Saturday!"

"That's if she says yes to either of you two."

"Wait...you're saying that you have a date this Saturday night?"

"Yeah, that's right."

"Yeah, that's right."

"Okay! If I go on a double date with Henry or Jasper, then can I go out with Kale?"

"Look, your mom and I agree you are too young to be--"

"Actually, if it's a double date with Henry or Jasper, then... I guess it's okay."

"And that's final."

"Noelle!" Noelle comes down the stairs.

"Hiii. Piper, did you need me?"

"Yeah. This Saturday night, my brother Henry and Tess's brother Jasper both wanna take you on a date."

"Oh my gosh that's so n--"

"Yeah yeah pick one!"

"Um...I mean, this is a little awkward, but...I guess Jasper."

"Yeah baby! A'chugga-chugga CHOOO CHEW ON THAT!"

"Oh, wait wait wait. Wait wait wait... This is... this is a classic mix-up heh...Ah, Noelle, I think you're confused." Here we go.

"I'm Henry. That's Jasper. I'm...I'm this one."

"I know. And you're very sweet but...Jasper, I'd love to go out with you on Saturday night."

"What?!?"

"Yes! Hey Kale...you and me, Saturday night. Go buy a new shirt."

"'Kay-kay."

"I...I don't, I don't mean to be...it's just...why him?"

"I dunno. I guess...I just like his smile." Why do I feel like there's something more behind "I just like his smile"?

Man Cave

Hen is moping about the fact that he got rejected by Noelle.

"Hey...What you doin'?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"He's pouting because Noelle wanted to go out with the J-Train and not the H-Bomb."

"I said I don't wanna talk about it, so let's not talk about it, all right? How 'about that? Gahh.." Ok, Mister Mopey.

"Okay. Okay. So where'd Jasper take her for dinner?"

"Ulch! I don't know."

"They went to some new restaurant called The Basement."

"The Basement?"

"Where's that?"

"Noelle found it. She said it's supposed to have amazing seafood."

"Ooo, wow, amazing seafood, I sure hope Jasper doesn't choke on a shrimp."

"Dial it down, Mister Mopey! He is still my brother."

"Sorry, Tess."

"Hey, you know what'll cheer up a teenage pouty pants? Cleanin' the boss's bathroom."

"Ew, Uncle Ray!" Uncle Ray pulls out a toilet brush.

"I don't think that--"

"I'm serious." Hen takes the toilet brush and tosses it to the side. Uncle Ray pulls out a pink one.

"Would you prefer this pink one?" Hen takes the pink one and just drops it. Why is the alarm going off?

"Uh-oh..."

"What's up?"

"Emergency. Looks like...it's a video from the Swellview police." Char plays the video.

"Captain Man, Kid Danger, listen. We just found a kid lying in this alley...and his teeth are all gone!" How and what happened?

"But, uh, my partner and I need to go...'cuz we gotta take our wives to see that show 'Mamma Mia.' SO we're gonna leave the kid with no teeth here, lyin' in the alley." The video shows us the boy with no teeth.

"What? Nooo nooo. What?"

"Bye." Char stops the video.

"Uh! Dahhhhh! Mamma Mia! Why do Swellview cops always dump everything on me and Henry? That's not fair!" Besides that you two are the town superheros.

"Oh, let's just go. I mean, at least it's somethin' to do."

"Fine, whatever. Charlotte, if you get bored here, there's a toilet up in my bathroom that could really use a good scrubbing." Char burns it with a blaster. I put my cloak on.

"And now I don't have a pink a toilet brush. Great..." Uncle Ray and Hen pop a gumball and transform into Captain Man and Kid Danger. Ray--Uncle Ray sees that I'm wearing my cloak.

"Tessa."

"I'm coming and I'm already healed up. So, let's go." We leave and head to the alley.

The Alley

"Hey! Hey, over here." We walk over to the kid laying in the trash.

"Alright son, wake up."

"Come on. Hey. Hey." We wake the kid up.

"Woah, woah, woah!"

"Hey. Hey. It's alright."

"Can you get on your feet?" We help the kid up.

"There you go." The kid gets up.

"I'm Captain Man."

"You don't need to introduce yourself."

"What's your name?" The kid mumbles his name since he has no teeth in. Hen mimics it. What happened to him? Why does he have no teeth?

"Son...what happened to you?" The kid tries to tell us but, since he has no teeth, we can't understand him.

"Ahh... Okay, we're not gonna be able to understand this freak."

"He has no teeth. It's really hard to talk without teeth!"

"Yeah, you're probably right." We see two older men walking through the alley.

"Here hold this." Uncle Ray or Uncle Captain Man hands Hen his ice cream before he goes to talk to the older men.

"Gentlemen, ah, just a second fellas... I noticed you're both old, so...by any chance do either of you have false teeth?"

"Ulch..."

"What? What? What'd I say?"

"Thinking that all old people have false teeth is a stereotype. Okay? And we don't like stereotypes."

"Oh. But...do either of you wear falser teeth?"

"Yes, we both do."

"I see. Well, on my authority as Captain Man, I need to borrow your false teeth."

"Okay." The older man pulls out his false teeth and hands it to Uncle Ray.

"Thanks."

"Welcome."

"Okay son, open your mouth and I'll try to... get these in there..." Ray...Uncle Ray tries to get the fake teeth into the kid's mouth.

"Don't. Don't fight it. Just...there we go. Alright. Now try to tell us your name."

"I'm...I'm...Sebastian."

"Sebastian."

"Ohhh...Sebastian."

"I thought he was saying Samantha!"

"That's--that's weird."

"That's not even a boys name."

"That's a girl's name."

"Sebastian."

"That's funny... So what happened?"

"Yeah, what happened?"

"Well, uh... I met this girl...and she asked me out to dinner...but then she took me to this place called...The Basement."

Chapter Text

Tess

"Well, uh... I met this girl...and she asked me out to dinner...but then she took me to this place called...The Basement." That's where Jasper was taking Noelle to...

"The Basement?"

"Wait, wait, that's where Noelle took... took 'you-know-who' to dinner!"

"Yeah! Noelle! That was the girl's name!"

"Son, do you remember anyone else from this, uh... this basement?"

"No!"

"D'ah!"

"Wait, yeah! Uh, there was a man...she called him...Drill Finger." The last time that Hen and Uncle Ray saw him was I think last then a year ago.

"Drill Finger. Oh my god." We have to rescue Jasp before it's too late!

The Basement

Once we get there, we try to get the door open.

"Owwwwww! The door didn't break!"

"Then here, let me help you."

"Whoah--wait, what are you gonna--" Uncle Ray pushes Hen and Hen breaks the door. Hen falls face first on the floor. I walk through the hole in the door. Uncle Ray breaks the rest of the door down.

"It's Captain, Kid and Hood Danger!"

"You threw me through the door!"

"Well, the past is the past. Alright, Drill Finger."

"What?"

"I'm taking you downtown."

"No chance!" Uncle Ray tries to grab Drill Finger but, he grabs him.

"Feel the finger!" Drill finger tries to drill through Uncle Ray's costume and skin.

"Ah! Ah! Ahhh...hmmm." The drill breaks.

"What the--? It was turning before...It--you broke my drill finger!"

"Yeah well, I'm indestructible. What'd you think was gonna happen? Kid, toss me that thing."

"Uh...Okay, but it's right here--"

"Hurry, kid!"

"Alright!" Hen passes a pair of scissors to Uncle Ray.

"Alright, Drill Finger, now I'm no rabbi, but..."

"Ahh!" Uncle Ray cuts part of Drill Finger's finger.

"Mazel Tov."

"You snipped off my drill!"

"Yeah! From now om, you're just... 'Finger'."

"Ahh! That's not as good."

"Kid, you and Hood Danger release those three, round up those elderlies and that evil teenage girl."

"Oh no! This is not how I wanted things to go."

"Go!"

"Does anyone have an extra finger bit?" Hen walks over to Noelle. I was right about my feeling when she said she liked Jasp's smile.

"Stay right there and don't move."

"What if I have an itch?!"

"Then you just let it itch--you let it itch!"

"Okaaaaay!"

"Great..." Hen goes to release Kale and I release Piper.

"Hey, can one of you two release me next?"

"Why you?!?"

"Because I need some lip balm. My lips are getting drier by the minute!" Hen gets Kale free.

"Ahhhh!!!" Hen pulls out his lip balm.

"Here, use my lip balm." Hen hands his lip balm to Jasp.

"But I'll get your germs!"

"Yeah, lucky you." Hen helps me get Piper free.

"And you are free." Piper gets freed and Hen gets a walker to the upper back.

"Attack him!!!" The older people start to attack Hen. I try to help hen fight them off.

"Stomp his feet!"

"Owww!" Hen uses the older man's walker to push the older man to the railing.

"Get 'em! He tried to take my teeth!" Two men with canes whack Hen before he takes them down.

"Okay! Everybody stop! Hood Danger and I don't like hurting old people."

"Shut up!" We are literally fighting older people.

"Kid Danger! Look out!" Hen dodges an older man with a cane. Hen dodges another older man and pushes an older woman to the wall. The older woman starts to cry.

"Oh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Hey! Hey, are you okay?" The older kicks him in a sensitive area and pushes him down.

"Stupid Millennial!" Hen kicks the woman on the ass, turns the woman around, and starts up whatever machine she landed on. Two older people try to do that same to Hen. Noelle is trying to escape.

"Kid Danger! Hood Danger! Noelle's getting away!"

"Uhh, I'm kinda busy!" I go after Noelle! Piper grabs a bag and sticks it on Noelle's head and gets on her back. Go Piper!

"You ruined my date!!!" Uncle Ray comes back in.

"All right, all right... That's not your job. Down ya go." Uncle Ray gets Piper off Noelle.

"She tried to escape!"

"Thank you, now go wait outside."

"I wanna go wait outside!" Piper goes to wait outside.

"And you--stay there. D'all right. That's enough! Leave 'em alone. Come on. Let's go. One at a time."

"Yeah. Let's go!"

"Come on!"

"Lookin' at you golf pants." All of the older people leave.

"Yeah, come on!"

"So sick! Come on!"

"There we go!"

"Let's go pork rind."

"You too, 'On Golden Pond.' No teeth for you." Uncle Ray leaves with the evil old farts and I start to try to untie Jasp.

"You...stealing kid's teeth...to make money. Wearing a romper!?! You disgust me. Come on."

"I disgust you? I...really...disgust you?" And now she is flirting with him, fucking great! Back off, Bitch! Yeesh, I've become really jealous since I accepted that I'm in love Hen. Really need to tone that down.

"Uh, well...your-your actions disgust me. But physically...y-you know, you make me happy." And barf. She tried to take Jasp's teeth.

"Well, maybe you could...change me...y'know."

"Hood Danger, why are you--"

"Shush! I wanna hear this." I'm slowly untying Jasp to hear the conversation go down.

"Teach me to be a better person?"

"Oh man. Uhhh..."

"Kid? Are you letting that girl trick you into kissing her?"

"What? Noooo. Ewwww. Gross. I don't wanna kiss her. Gross..."

"Well, good."

"Uhhh...Could you just wait outside for like 20 minutes?" Ok, I'm afraid to ask why he said 20 minutes. Meaning...Did Hen want to do "that" with Noelle?

"Kid!"

"Okay, you know what? Fine! No! You're goin' to jail. Let's go. Come on. Feel my shove. No kisses for you. Tryin' to trick me. Wearing a romper..." Hen and Noelle leave. I untie Jasp and puts lip balm on his lips.

"Hey, Jasp."

"Yea?"

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"Can you keep it between the two of us if I tell you?"

"Uh, sure?" Here goes nothing.

"I'm in love with our best friend."

"You're in love with Charlotte?"

"What? No! The one that is taking Noelle to jail!"

"YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HENRY??" My eyes go wide.

"Shhh! Keep it down!"

"You're in love with Henry?"

"Yea."

"How long?"

"How long what?"

"How long have you been in love with him?"

"Two years. Only came to terms with it a week ago. That's why I was having a Disney moment in my room when you walked in on me a week ago."

"Ohh. So, are you going to tell him?"

"Not for the foreseeable future or ever."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you know about my history with superheros, meaning Drex. Hen is Uncle Ray's sidekick and I'm scared that we'll end up like Austin and Ally where they never had time for each other. Also, I'm scared that Hen will end up like Drex."

"Well, didn't Austin and Ally end up together at the end of the series anyway?"

"Yea, but that's not the point."

"Well, whenever you do end up telling him, I'll help you."

"Thanks Jasp.""

"No problem, Tess." Jasp and I walk home together. At least I'll always know that my brother has my back.

A couple of days later-Hart House

At Hen's house which I practically live here with how much I spend time here. Piper has had Teen Nick on most of the day because of her commercial that is airing today.

"Hey...Hey, has it been on yet?"

"Not yet! It should be coming on any minute!" Teen Nick is showing the April Fools episode of Victorious.

"I'll get you my pretty."

"'Kay tweeners! Food's ready! Hope your mouths are!" I could eat. We head to go eat until Piper blows a whistle. Seriously, Piper!

"Back on the couch." The girls head back to the couch.

"Aw, c'mon Piper, I just put out all this nice food."

"Look...The guy at the TV station just texted me and said my commercial's gonna be on 'in just a few minutes.'"

"We know, but we're also hungry--" Piper blows her whistle loud enough to break the glass that Hen had in his hand.

"Good point."

Little bit later

Teen Nick still showing episodes of Victorious.

"What's done is done." Hen taps Piper on her shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"Shirt? Shirrrrrt?"

"What's wrong with you?"

"What? This is my Fred Lobster shirt. 'Cuz you're in a Fred Lobster commercial. So, I got this shirt. In honor of your commercial. For Fred Lobster. Now I regret it."

"Piper! It's your commercial!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, MY COMMERCIAL'S ON!!!" Piper smacks Hen in the face. The ad starts.

"It's a new day at Fred Lobster."

"It's me, it's me, it's me..."

"Who knows Lobs---"

"We interrupt this broadcast for breaking news."

"What the butt?!?"

"And now: Trent Overunder and Mary Gaperman."

"Mary, come on! You can eat the chicken wings later!"

"I'm so sorry. Is there any sauce on my face?"

"No, you're good."

"Where's my commercial?!?"

"Hey, hey it's oka--"

"Shhh!"

"Trouble in outer space? Yes. We've just received a report that some unknown person has found his or her way into NASA's new international space station."

"Now Trent...that space station is located where?"

"It's in space, Mary. Hence the name 'space station.'"

"That's right, Trent."

"Apparently, the mysterious intruder has taken over the station and is holding the astronauts hostage."

"And we should point out that one of those astronauts, Jim Dickle, lives right here in Swellview...when he's not in space."

"Here's a photo of Major Dickle, taken last year at Swellview's taco festival."

"No one cares! Put my commercial back on!"

"Stay tuned to KLVY News for more updates on this developing situation."

"In space." It cuts to the end of the ad.

"Fredddd Lobster."

"For food!"

"They bumped my whole commercial! For some stupid news thing that nobody cared about!" I'm sure that NASA is caring about what's going since it's happening on their space station.

"Yeah...who would care about astronauts being taken hostage in outer space?"

"I don't need your sarcasm." Hen's watch goes off. What does Uncle Ray want now?

"Hey, your watch just beeped."

"Ulch...I know. I uh...gotta go call my boss at Junk 'N' Stuff." Hen and I head for the door.,

"What about my commercial!"

"We missed it."

"But they'll play it again!"

"She's right, they're supposed to run it a few time today."

"Ohhhh... Then I'll go check the front porch." Hen and I walk out.

"Check it for WHAT?!?" Hen opens his watch to answer.

"Ray."

"Henry! There's an emergency in S--Are you wearin' a Fred Lobster shirt?"

"Uh...Yeah."

"Why?"

"'Cuz my sisters in a Fred Lobster commercial, so I bought this shirt but-"

"All right look, there's no time to talk about your shirt!" You're the one that asked.

"But...But you asked me."

"We have an emergency. Guess where we're goin'."

"To space?"

"Not just space, Henry. Outer space."

"Haha...Wait, well, how are you and I gonna get to outers-"

"Y'know...I was in a Fred Lobster last week, and they told me they didn't have those shirts anymore."

"Uh... Yeah, I had to order this one online--"

"Oh, so, you really wanna talk about lobster shirts while astronauts are in danger?"

"YOU'RE THE ONE THAT WAS TALKING ABOUT THEM FIRST, UNCLE RAY!!!"

"You're the one who brought up the shirt!"

"Just get to the Man Cave--fast!"

"Ulch...Okay, we're on our way."

"Bring the shirt." Hen hangs up and we head to the Man Cave.

Man Cave

Hen and I come down via the tubes and see pieces of the ceiling on the floor.

Chapter Text

Tess

Hen and I come down via the tubes and see pieces of the ceiling on the floor.

"Hey."

"Hi Henry and Teresa!" Where did that come from.

"Whoa, what th— Why is Schwoz—" Uncle Ray shoots at the ceiling again.

"Ha! Missed me, missed me! You are very stooooopid."

"Those are not the lyrics!" Another shot at the ceiling.

"Ow, my shoe!!!" Schwoz's shoe lands on the floor.

"Okay, what is going on?"

"Schwoz won't give Ray the launch key to his little rocket ship."

"Well why won't he--Schwoz has a rocket ship?"

"It's called the Love Shuttle!"

"Why did Schwoz build a Love Shuttle?"

"For his honeymoon."

"Yeah he says that when he gets married, he wants to have his honeymoon on the actual moon."

"Don't be ridiculous, Schwoz. You're never getting married." Another shot to the ceiling. Uncle Ray needs to aim better.

"It could happen! There's women out there who'll take anybody!"

"Ahhhh! Gimme that key!" Ray starts shooting at the ceiling.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!" Pieces of the ceiling fall on the floor.

"I think you might be overreacting."

"May I?" Char takes the blaster and aims it at Schwoz.

"No no wait, Charlotte, don't--ahhh!" Schwoz falls.

"Ha! You...You shot his butt."

"Owww..." Jasp comes down the elevator.

"Hey! Did you guys hear?!? There's a hostage situation up in space!"

"We heard."

"We're aware."

"Well...did you know that one of the astronauts is from Swellview?!?" I'm assuming that Jasp hadn't check the news until recently.

"Yessss."

"Yeah, Jim Dickle."

"Ohh...Well, did you know I was born with eleven toes, but only nine on my feet?"

"What'd he say?"

"Eleven?"

"Yeah. Who's got news now?" Something is beeping.

"I'll check that." Char goes to the computers and answers the alert.

"Hey, shouldn't you be up at Junk 'N' Stuff, watching the store?"

"Well, I have to use the bathroom, but the one upstairs is broken."

"That's why we told you to use the bathroom across the street, at the gas station."

"I'm no longer welcome at that gas station." Jasp, what did you do to their bathrooms?

"Uh-ohhh. You guys...the space station's gonna be orbiting over Swellview in one hour."

"So?"

"What does that mean?"

"That if you guys don't head up there soon, you'll have to wait another 24 hours. And by then it may be too late!"

"Come on, we have to help those astronauts, at least the one from Swellview."

"C'mon, Schwoz. Give us the key to your Love Shuttle."

"Wait, why doesn't NASA just send up someone up there to help the astronauts?"

"Yah. Call NASA."

"No no no no no no, NASA just sent a supply rocket to the space station two days ago. It'll take 'em six months to get another one ready to send up."

"Well, can't we borrow a rocket from China?"

"No! No! I am not getting inside a Chinese rocket ever again!" Ook.

"Hey, c'mon Schwoz. Let us use your Love Shuttle."

"Yeah. You're never gonna need it."

"I will! For when I get married!"

"Oh, to what, Schwoz?!? What's gonna marry you?"

"Even that robot girlfriend you built for yourself, Gerta, even she left you." I wonder how Gerta is doing now since she left.

"Nooo...we...we're just taking a break."

"Oh come on!"

"She turned herself into a bird, Schwoz! Then she flew away!"

"She isn't coming back, Schwoz!"

"When did that happen?"

"Last season."

"So you mean winter."

"Yeah, that's what I meant."

"Look, buddy..."

'D'ah-don't choke me."

"Are you planning to marry someone in the next...ten hours?"

"Well, I don't plan to, no."

"Okay, so, just lend us your Love Shuttle, and we'll bring it right back."

"You promise to be careful with it?"

"We both promise."

"Now give us the launch key!"

"Okaaaay. Hold out your hand." Uncle Ray holds out his hand and Schwoz tries upchucks into his hand? Schwoz ate the key?

"Oh my God..."

"I can't watch this...but I can't look away..."

"What are you doing?" Schwoz spits it out.

"Awww."

"Gross."

"It's wet."

"That's the launch key."

"All right, Jasper. Looks like Captain Man needs your help."

"Sure! Anything! What do you need?" Uncle Ray uses Jasp's shirt...

"You're a good boy."

Later

The rocket is up and ready. Uncle Ray and Hen are already in the rocket. Schwoz, Char, Jasp, and I all have headsets on.

"Okay Henry. I'm now going to insert the key into the console."

"Uh...okay." Ray--UNCLE Ray inserts the key and it turns on.

"I did it."

"Great." Uncle Ray and Hen pop a gumball.

"You are aboard the Love Shuttle. Welcome, Schwoz, and..."

"Woman's name."

"Prepare for your honeymoon." Music starts to play. This so creepy and weird to listen. Schwoz, Uncle Ray, and Hen start to dance to the music.

"Schwoz...Schwoz... How do I turn this love music off?!?"

"Aw, c'mon... Love music isn't for turning off. It's for turning on." Ew, Schwoz!

"I got it." Uncle Ray turns the music off.

"All right, Henry and Ray...we pre-set the flight computer to automatically take you to the space station."

"Copy that. And we are...prepped for launch."

"Hey Kid. Let's go to space and kick some ace."

"Ha ha. To the stars." Uncle Ray and Hen transform into Captain Man and Kid Danger.

"Hey...Pretty cool."

"Yeah, I've never done that sitting down before. "

"Yeah, I wasn't sure if it was gonna work."

"It's pretty good right?"

"Yeah, but it did work."

"All right, you guys. I just wanted to say...be careful up there."

"Roger that."

"We copy."

"'Cuz you two are the only Ray and Henry I have."

"Thanks."

"Okay then."

"And...I've never said this out loud before, but..."

"Don't do this."

"Please don't."

"I just wanted you guys to know that--"

"Hit it."

"Yeah. Launching." Hen presses the launch button they take off. Here we go. Sending the town's hero and sidekick into space.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"We're going to space!!!"

"I know! It's so fun!"

"Woooooooo!!!!!!"

"Haha!"

Later

Uncle Ray and Hen have just landed in Space and are orbiting towards the space station.

"Space, 'the final frontier.'"

"What does that mean?"

"Y'know... 'the final frontier'... last place in the universe that mankind hasn't explored yet. Space! Ahhhh..."

"What about oceans?"

"Huh?'

"Oceans. I mean, we haven't explored all parts of the oceans yet. So, aren't they an unexplored frontier? Oceans."

"Okay, fine. Space, 'one of the two final frontiers.' Ahhhhhhh..."

"What about parallel universes?"

"What?"

"Remember that time that Charlotte, Tess, and I went to that parallel universe?"

"I suppose."

"Well, there's probably lots more parallel universes, that none of us have explored, so I guess you could say--"

"Space! 'One of the many, many remaining frontiers.'"

"Yeah... I like cartoons."

Later again

"I'm sick of just sitting here.

"Yeah, well, Schwoz said that we should be at the space station pretty soon--"

"I wonder what these buttons do." Uncle Ray! No! Uncle Ray starts to mess with the buttons.

"No wait, no wait, dude, what are you doin? Don't start pushing random--" Hen's chair starts to vibrate?

"What's happening?"

"Ahahahahaha!"

"What's happening?"

"You made my chair start to vibraaaaaaaaaaaaate."

"Aw...No fair! I wanna vibrate!"

"It's niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice." Since the shuttle was meant for when Schwoz ever gets married, I have a feeling those chairs were meant to vibrate for a different reason. Uncle Ray keeps hitting buttons until his starts to vibrate.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, yeahhhhhhhhhhh..."

"Feels goooooooooooooooooood..."

"Hey! My voice sounds weird. Listen, aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh..." We hear a crash. Meaning they just docked at the space station.

"Ahhh!"

"D'oh!"

"What happened?"

"They just docked with the space station."

"Hey Schwoz, I think we just docked with the space station."

"Oh really? My goodness, thanks for the information."

"Okay, you have a solid pressure lock, so you are good to enter the space station."

"Ten-four good Charlotte."

"We ten-ten on the side." Uncle Ray and Hen take off their headsets. They set their weapons and head into the space station. Hopefully they're ok. I pull out my phone to look at the news.

"As you know, earlier today, the international space station was spacejacked, by an unknown space-jacker."

"Oh my God...again?!"

"No, Mary. We're talking about the same incident we reported in earlier."

"Ah. Back to you, Trent."

"At this time, NASA officials are reporting no change in the situation. Which means: there's no new information to report. I repeat: no new information to report." Then why are they live if there's nothing new to report?

"Now Trent...even though there's no new news right now, I'm assuming there could be some news about the space station later?"

"Uh, yeah Mary. Actually, later, there 'could be' news about almost anything."

"That's right, Trent. Trent?" The report ends. It's been a while since the last time we heard from Ray--Uncle Ray and Hen. Hope they're ok.

"Love Shuttle to Man Cave. Love Shuttle to Man Cave." The feed switches from the space station to Hen in the Love Shuttle.

"It's Henry!" The others put their headsets back on.

"Charlotte, Schwoz...do you read me?"

"Hey Henry!"

"Yah, we see and hear you."

"Listen. We're loading up the Love Shuttle with bunnies. And a girl."

"Bunnies and a girl?"

"Is the girl married?"

"No, she's eleven. Look, I'll explain everything when I get back."

"But-but wait... the Love Shuttle can only hold two peoples."

"Uh...Well, now we're three peoples and six bunnies, so we're gonna have to figure out some--"

"Hey Kid! We're missing a bunny!"

"I'm sorry. I gotta go. Schwoz, plot a course for us, back to Earth."

"Aye." Hen takes off his headset and heads back into the space station. Schwoz is now plotting a course for Earth for them. Looks like there's going to be now five people and six bunnies coming back to Earth. Why is Uncle Ray on the outside of the shuttle?

"Aww...Look at that."

"Yah."

"Wait...what's that, stuck to the side of the Love Shuttle?"

"That would be Uncle Ray."

"Okay...they're reentering the Earth's atmosphere." The shuttle lands and they're back on Earth. This was a very long day.

A couple of days later-Man Cave

Hen and I come down the elevator.

"Oh! Good! They're here. Let's get started."

"Aye aye."

"Uh hey! Wait...guys, I and I think Tess didn't get any lunch at school. Can we order some like, Chinese food?"

"What?"

"I want some a'those uh... oh whaddaya call 'em? They're like uh...Chinese dumplings...?"

"Oh...you mean wom-pons." I'm sorry, what?

"Yeah. Noooo..."

"Won-tons--he means won-tons, not 'wom-pons.'"

"I did my best to say it right."

"Whatever, can we order some?"

"Not now. It's time for my bi-yearly quantitative physiological densitization test." I have no idea what he just said.

"I understood the word 'test.'"

"It's a test to make sure I'm still totally indestructible."

"Mmmmmmmm... Can we order some won-tons first?"

"No. You two see that machine over there?"

"Yeah..."

"It's gonna shoot baseballs at ya'."

"What? Why me?"

"Because! Because of your new super power."

"Ya, your hyper-mutilatiew..."

"Okay. It's called hypermotility."

"Hypermutebeuel--"

"Okay, can we move in!?! Can we move on?"

"Schwoz, show him your bat." Schwoz goes to grab the bat and I sit on the stairs that lead up to the sprocket.

"His...his what?" Schwoz shows Hen the bat.

"You see...when you see the balls a-comin', you use this a-base-a-ball bat to swing-svat the balls."

"Yep. Then Schwoz is gonna measure the speed of the base-a'balls, and then after I get hit, I tell him when my pain stops and I feel oh-kay."

"And then I use a mathematical equation to determine how indestructible Ray is."

"I just want like five won-tons."

"Jiaozi for me." They look at me weird.

"Pot Stickers."

"You two can have some won-tons and Jiaozi after we do this!"

"Aaaahhh! Right..."

"I'm gonna go stand here by the elevator. That's what I'm gonna do." Uncle Ray walks over to the elevator. Schwoz puts on a helmet.

"What's that for?"

"To protect a-my face from stray balls. Okay. Henry, take this base-a'ball bat..."" Schwoz turns the bat on and hands it to Hen.

"Whoa, what kinda baseball bat is this?"

"It's a thermal fusion bat I made myself."

"Can you make thermal fusion won-tons?"

"C'mon Henry, just get over there." Hen gets in position.

"Okay, let's test one."

"Go for it."

"Ready Henry?"

"Yeah go."

"SCHPITZ!!!" Ball shoots out, Hen hits it, and hits the elevator.

"HAHAHAHA! MISSED ME, MISSED ME, NOW YA GOTTA KI..."

"Now I gotta what?"

"Nothin', forget it."

"No no no no, now I gotta what?"

"No, I changed my mind, okay? You don't gotta do anything! gah, c'mon Schwoz, if we're gonna do this, let's do it! Gah!"

"Okay, here we goes."

"Oh Ray, I gotta tell you somethin'."

"What?"

"Tomorrow, Tess and I--"

"SCPHITZ!" Ball shoots out, Hen hits it, and it hits Uncle Ray.

"Dah! I'm oh-kay. So, what'd you wanna tell me?"

"Tess and I can't make it to work tomorrow."

"Whaddaya mean you two can't make it to work tomorr--"

"SCHPITZ!" Ball shoots out, Hen hits it, and it hits Uncle Ray.

"D'oh! Still oh-kay."

"Tomorrow's 'Achievement Test Day' at school."

"Uh, you're my sidekick, that means tha--" Ball shoots out, Hen hits it, and it hits Uncle Ray.

"D'owww!!! You guessed it: oh-kay."

"Look...dude, it's not our fault. Okay? If we leave school for any reason, we can get in huge trouble."

"Okay fine, you babies. Take the day off, but it's comin' outta you two's vacation time." Since when did we get vacation time?

"Uh...I didn't know I get vacation time."

"Uh...Ah eh-you...you uh, you don't. I mean, there's no state law that says you do. So, y'know, don't even check."

"Wait a second...Are you saying that I--"

"SCHPITZ!"

"Wait, no, do--" Ball shoots out, Hen hits it, and it hits Schwoz, instead of Uncle Ray.

"He's probably all right."

"Yeah... Get some won-tons?"

"Yeah let's go."

The Next day-School

At school for this stupid test.

"Maria Von Trapp?"

"Here."

"Uh...Ruth Westheimer?"

"Present."

"And...Abraham Zapruder."

"Here."

"Oh Abraham, put that obsolete camera away. Now, does everyone have their test bookelets?"

"Yes..."

"Good. Now, you all know why this test is so important, right?"

"No."

"Not at all."

"Ulch. Henry, Jasper, stand up and explain it to the class while I rub this pimple cream on my back." Hen stands up while Miss. Shapen rubs cream on her back.

"Uh...every Christmas, the principal gives all the teachers bonuses." Jasp stands up.

"And, the higher we all score on this test, the more money Miss. Shapen gets." So, this test is all about her.

"Or as I like to say it: The better your grades, the more I gets paids!"

"Yeah, we're gonna sit down now." Hen and Jasp sit back down.

"Charlotte..."

"Yes ma'am?"

"Switch places with Von Trapp."

"Why? I don't wanna switch places."

"Well doe-ray-me don't care, now be a good female deer and move!" Char and Von Trap switch places.

"There. Now, I'm putting Charlotte in the front, 'cuz she's much smarter than the rest of you. Now, I realize that it's gonna be tempting to copy off Charlotte's test paper...hmmm? But if I catch anyone cheating, you know what's gonna happen?"

"No...what?"

"Nothing." Why is Miss. Shapen doing that with her mouth?

"Uh...what are you doin' with your mouth?"

"Winking. I have weak eyelid muscles, so I'm a mouth winker." That's gross and creepy.

"Please don't do that."

"No, no..."

"All right..."

"But cheating i-is wrong."

Yeah."

"Yeah..."

"Not when an underpaid adult tells you to do it! Now everyone, pick up your pencils." We all pick up our pencils to begin the test.

"And begin!" We start our tests and everyone but me is now copying off Char. Why is the alarm going off?

Chapter Text

Tess

Why is the alarm going off? What's happening for the alarm going off?

"Uh, what's that sound?"

"That's just the Swellview Emergency Warning Siren--just keep taking your taking your tests." Is she insane??

"But shouldn't we find out what the emergency is?"

"Ah fine!" Miss. Shapen changes the input and it's an episode of Toilet Wars.

"We gotta get this toilet working by seven."

"We're not gonna make it."

"We gotta make it."

"See, it's just a rerun of Toilet Wars, everything's fine. If it was a real emergency, they'd interrupt this for--"

"We interrupt Toilet Wars for this breaking news. It seems--"

"Attention. Attention. I have breaking news. An underground gas pipe has burst, deep in the Earth, underneath Swellview's nuclear gas company." I'm assuming they knew that before they built it but, WHY WOULD YOU BUILD A NUCLEAT GAS COMPANY ABOVE AN UNDERGROUND GAS PIPE????

"But according to experts, the gas is not harmful to humans unless it escapes from the ground. Which it has. It's escaping from the ground right now." We're doomed.

"So, if you're in Swellview or the surrounding areas, we advise you to evacuate Swellview...And the surrounding areas." We're double doomed.

"Captain Man, Kid Danger, where are you?!?"

"See? Everything's fine, so keep taking your tests." She is seriously insane! Miss. Insane locks the doors.

"But the news guy said we should evacuate."

"Yeah!"

"Yeah."

"No! Nobody leaves until everyone finishes their tests and gets a great score so I can get my big fat cash money bonus!"

"Hey, Miss. Shapen? Can I use the restroom?"

"To do what?!?" What do you think that Hen needs to use the restroom?

"Well, to go to the...to use the...bath...I'll just stay here." We all work on our tests. We're tripled doomed.

Later

Miss. Shapen comes back with a gas mask and locks the door.

"Now...just in case the poisonous gas reaches this school...I brought Charlotte a gas mask. Charlotte, put this on your face."

"Uh, okay." Char takes the gas mask from Miss. Shapen. I take a smaller gas mask that I technically stole from Schwoz and Uncle Ray and put that on, and turn it on. Char puts the gas mask on and turns it on. The mask is now making her sound like Darth Vader.

"Well, what about the rest of us?"

"Yeah yeah, why don't we get gas masks?" Because our teacher...IS FUCKING INSANE.

"Because none of you are as smart as Charlotte." Everyone looks at Char.

"Please don't look at me."

"And now that she's safe, she can continue taking her test. And remember the rest of you better not copy her answers."

"Okay, will you please stop winking with your mouth?" We continue taking our tests. Hen's watch goes off. Uncle Ray!

"Hey! I heard a smart phone!"

"Unb-du, s-s-sorry...that was just my, uh...my pacemarker."

"Pacemaker?"

"Seriously, that's the best excuse you could come up with? Whoa! I didn't the gas mask could make my voice go this high. 'You would make a good Kelad!'"

"Well turn it off! And Teresa, stop doing what you were doing."

"Yes ma'am. Uh...Boop." Jasp leans over to Hen and whispers to him.

"I thought you told Ray not to beep you today!"

"I did! Must be a serious problem. Miss. Shapen?"

"What?!?"

"Can I please go to the restroom?"

"You asked me that an hour ago." Yeesh, it's been an hour since we started this? Feels longer.

"Yeah, and you didn't let me go."

"So?"

"So now...it's worse."

"All right, go--But you better be back here in two minutes! Don't waste time washing your hands." Hen leaves for the bathroom.

Later

It's been a while since Miss. Shapen let Hen go to the bathroom. Why am I seeing Schwoz outside the window? Char, Jasp, and I's phones goes off. We all check our phones. Why is Schwoz even here and where did Hen go? Char turns off and takes off her gas mask.

"Uh, Miss. Shapen?"

"Yeah what?"

"It's time for our three-minute break."

"Huh?"

"Uh, yeah, it's a state law. Uh, whenever kids take an achievement test, you have to give 'em a three-minute break, every two hours."

"Oh. And what if I don't?"

"You could get fined."

"Which would cost you money."

"Three-minute break! But ya better be back here in three minutes! I gotta go pop something..." Everyone and Miss. Shapen leave the classroom which should give us enough time to make it seem like Hen is still there, taking a test. Char opens the window for Schwoz. Schwoz comes in.

"Okay, what is goin' on?"

"Henry had to go help Ray."

'What?!?"

"Henry can't leave!"

"I know this! Where was Henry sitting?"

"Uh, right there." Schwoz turns the machine that he had in his hands on and places it on the seat where Hen was sitting. Schwoz uses the remote for the machine to make the hologram of Hen appear.

"Oh, c'mon, that's obviously a hologram."

"Yeah, that's not gonna fool anyone!"

"Hey! Give me two seconds, would ya?" Schwoz presses another button and a few seconds later, and it really looks like Hen is really here.

"Whooooaaaa."

"Wowwwww." Char puts her hand through it.

"That's insane!"

"Schwoz, you're a genius." The rest of the kids start to come back. Schwoz needs to get out of here.

"Ooo, they're coming back!"

"Mahalo!" Schwoz runs back to the window and jumps from the window.

"D'ahh, that hurt so bad."

A few minutes later

Everyone is back in the classroom.

"All right, break's over. Henry, go lock the door." Uh-oh.

"Uh-oh!"

"Henry? Henry!"

"Uh, I'll lock the door!"

"No! I asked Henry to do it. Now Henry Hart, I asked--" Char takes off the gas mask to talk normally.

"Ahhhh, I think Henry's just really focused on doing a great job on his test. Uh...right, Henry?" Char gets up and makes it seem like Hen is saying something to her.

"He says right." Char sits back down and puts her mask back on. We go back to taking our tests.

"Ah geez..."

Later

We are all done with our tests expect for hologram Hen. Uh-oh. We all hand in our test booklets, once again. Uh-oh.

"That's right. Test booklets right here. Hurry up, I gotta get home and powder my cat." I don't wanna know.

"Powder your cat?"

"Get outta here! All a'you, go."

"Hey, what are we gonna' do about Henry?"

"I don't know!"

"We can't just leave him here."

"He's a hologram. What are we gonna' do?"

"Alright. Come on. let's go." Char and Jasp leave.

"Hey. Henry. Time's up. Didn't ya get the memo? Heh...Hey! I'm talkin' to you boy! Henry!!!" Uncle Ray comes bursting in. Perfect timing.

"You."

"Captain Man!" Uncle Ray walks over to Miss. Shapen and holds her.

"Do you consent to this kiss?"

"Sure, ya want it in writing?" Uncle Ray kisses Miss. Shapen. The real Hen walks in and turns off Hologram Hen. Hen moves the device, sits down, and finishes his test.

'Wait. Wrong woman." Uncle Ray drops Miss. Shapen, and walks away. Miss. Shapen gets up and so does Hen. Oh, good. He finished his test.

"I finished." Hen drops the test on Miss. Shapen. Hen and I walk out together. This was a long day.

A couple of days later

Hen, Jasp, and I walk into Hen's house. Yes, once again, my brother dragged me along. Why is Mr. and Mrs. Hart hiding stuff? What happened?

"Hey, what about forks?"

"Yes! Definitely hide the forks! You can kill a person with a fork!"

"Right!"

"Uh, mom...dad?"

"What, what is it, Henry?!?"

"What-what-what?!?"

"I...I just wanna know what you guys are doin'."

"Well...y'know how Piper signed up for that weekend ski trip, with a bunch of kids from her class?"

"Uh, yeah, sure."

"That's why me and Henry are havin' a boys weekend together."

"Well, a boys weekend plus Tess since you dragged me along."

"Hey, can you two not call us boys?"

"But we are boys. Baaaad boys!"

"Jasper."

Anyway, what's the problem with Piper's ski trip?"

"Well, y'know her friend...that girl Narlee?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Well, Narlee's mom called to tell us that the other kids all left on the ski trip without Piper."

Chapter Text

Tess

"Well, Narlee's mom called to tell us that the other kids all left on the ski trip without Piper." Uh-Oh. That's not good.

"What?!? Why?!?"

"They didn't want her to go."

"Well, what'd Piper say?"

"We haven't told her yet." Double Uh-Oh.

"We're trying to hide everything dangerous first."

"When did we stop being boys?"

"Jasp, shut up."

"Hey!"

"Yeah..."

"Let's make Henry tell her!" Triple Uh-Oh.

"Ooo, right!"

"Uh, no no no no, there's no way I'm telling Piper."

"Tell me what?" I did not know she was down here.

"Ah!"

"Oh God!"

"Dear God, she has ski poles."

"Okaaay... why do you all look so freaked out?"

"Freaked out?"

"What, me?"

"No, it's all good..."

"No idea what you're..."

"I'm not freaked out."

"Tell her."

"I'm no..no. No!"

"Honey, I really think it's your place to tell Piper what happened with--"

"I'll get it." Mr. Hart walks to the door. What is going on here? The doorbell didn't ring.

"Did the doorbell ring?"

"I heard no doorbell."

"The doorbell did not ring." Mr. Hart opens the door.

"Oh heyyy. Sure, I'd love to go to the ball game." Mr. Hart leaves.

"Coward!"

"Mom?"

"Hmm?"

"What's up?!?" Jasp takes the skis out of Piper's hand.

"Well honey... Um, see, uhh... your brother has something to tell you." We're dead. Piper's phone goes off.

"Uh, hang on... I just got a video message from Narlee."

"Ooo, yeah, you, you should watch that."

"Yeah... I'm gonna." Piper answers the video message.

"Piper, if you're watching this video, we're already gone."

"Gone? Why?"

"You're probably wondering why. Well, it's 'cuz of your bad temper. Y'know, it's like... every time something doesn't go your way, you freak out and you yell and scream... and it's just no fun to be around."

"She's not wrong." Not the time, Jasp.

"Anyway, we don't mean to hurt your feelings. It's just that we don't want you around. Ski ya later." That was... brutal. I know that Piper is annoying and she does her temper a lot but, still. That was brutal. The video ends.

"Piper? Are you okay, honey?"

"I just... I didn't know that my friends don't like me." It's not you that they don't like. It's your bad temper that they don't like.

"Piper..."

"Careful! It could be a trick!"

"Hey..."

"I need to blow my nose."

"Okay...Okay..." Hen motions Jasp to walk over there. Jasp walks over there.

"Here ya go."

"What no...?" Piper blows her nose into Jasp's shirt.

"Ahhh!!! Ugh..." Jasp runs to the sink to wash the snot off.

"Now listen. You friends, they like you. The only thing they don't like is when you get mad and you start yelling and having temper tantrums."

"He's right baby. People hate that."

"Well, what do I do? I can't help how I am when I get angry."

"Yes, you can. Look, one of the teachers made this kid in my class, Mitch Bilsky, go to Jam Class." Quietest school day in a long time.

"Ooo, I love making Jam." Not that kind of jam, Mrs. Hart.

"Mom! Please. See, 'JAM' stands for Junior Anger Management. They can help you learn to control your angry feelings."

"Really?"

"Yeah..."

"Hey...where's the switch for the light above the sink?"

"Jasper."

"Not now, okay? Sweetie...you think you might wanna go? To Jam class?"

"I think I need to go." Why do I grind-- And Jasp turned the garbage disposal on.

"D'ahhhhh!!! My shirt's caught in the garbage disposal!"

"Wh--flip the switch! Flip the switch!" Jasp tries to flip the switch but, it does nothing and the disposal pretty much eats Jasp's shirt. Not the most surprising thing I have ever seen happened to Jasp in the Hart house.

Later

"Well, move over Chicago-- because Swellview is about to become 'the windier' city."

"Good one, Mary. Not really." Jasp and Char are gutting and cutting up pumpkins for Uncle Ray's stupid pep diet while Uncle Ray has some women helping him, I dunno, stretch?

"Bring your pets inside, and tie your kid to something heavy, because a big ol' tornado is on the way to Swellview, and it's expected to cause powerful winds of up to 95 miles per hour." Yikes!

"So now here's Mary with what she calls her tornay-doos, and tornay-don'ts. Mary?"

"Do stay inside. Don't go outside."

"Awwww yeah." Weirdest thing I've heard come out of my uncle so far.

"In other news..." The elevator doors open, and Char turns the news off.

"Okaaaaay...Girl pulling arms. Pumpkins being murdered. Tess being weirded out by the girls pulling arms. Why are you making them hack up pumpkins?"

"Isn't it obvious?" No, it's not to Hen, Uncle Ray.

"No."

"I'm on pep! P-E-P!"

"Pep?"

"Yeah! The pumpkin eating plan. All I ear are pumpkins now. Pumpkin juice, pumpkin smoothies, pumpkin patties, pumpkin pasta, pumpkin jerky, pumpkin..."

"In other words, a stupid diet that Uncle Ray is doing."

"Hey look! Everybody!" What is Schwoz wearing and why does he have a suitcase?

"Come look what I made!"

"Uh...what is that?"

"I call it a 'breeze-eer.' You can use it if there are strong winds." Did he name after another word for a bra?

"Oh, is this about that tornado that's headed toward Swellview?"

"Yah! See, if the wind grabs you and lifts you off the ground, you can use these controls to turn yourself, and navagoot."

"Navagoot?"

"I think he means navigate."

"Navi-gaaeea-te... Hey! Who wants a breeze-eer?"

"I'm fine."

"Nobody. Nobody wants that." Schwoz picks up his suitcase and walks away.

"Oooka-vitch d'fobbo koobleem...mayim bialik Aziz Ansari...Dos videcto. Elos fit!!! Esdeno! Sva di! Sva da..." I have no idea what Schwoz just muttered.

"Hey Henry...did Piper start Junior Anger Management?"

"Uh, yeah. Me and my dad dropped her off there this morning."

"Ha!"

"What?"

"Ha! As in, 'Ha! Jam class is stupid.'"

"No, it's not."

"Jam class helps a lotta angry kids."

"Well, it's not gonna help Piper."

"Why not?"

"Because she's an animal."

"Yeah, and besides, people never change. That's why they say 'Angry at five, angry at fifty' and uh, 'Once a freak, always a freak.'"

"Uncle Ray, what you just said is utter bullshit."

"All right!!! All right!!! Anyway, I was at the Piper's Jam class this morning and I bet it does work."

"Well...I tell ya what. Let go of me. I bet you that the day your sister is done with Jam class...I can get her to lose her temper that very same day."

"Nah, I doubt it. 'Cuz they have these cool aroma collars--"

"Blobbity blobbity 'roma collar..."

"All right it's a bet!"

"Yeah it's a bet!"

"You two are insane."

"Then I'm with team Henry."

"You three are insane."

"Well, I'm on team Ray."

"Take it away."

"I am not going to be apart of this bet since all of you are insane for making this bet!"

"So, what's the bet?" And they're now ignoring me. Great. Not the first time, but still sucks.

"The bet is...When I get Piper to lose her temper...you and Charlotte gotta eat a big ol' bucket o' raw pumpkin guts."

"So...when you fail to make Piper lose her temper, you and Jasper have to eat a big ol' bucket o' raw pumpkin guts?"

"Yeah! While wearing swim suits! What? I was just saying we should wear swimsuits when we're--"

"Just...just be quiet. So we got a bet?"

"We got a bet." Hen and Uncle Ray shake hands to seal the bet.

"A bet that is going to end horribly."

"So just to confirm...no swim suits?"

"Why? Why are you--"

"Stop! Just stop talking."

A couple of days later

We walk into the Hart House for Piper's coming home dinner.

"Ooo, I think he's here with Piper now. Okay bye."

"Mom! Hey."

"Hi Mrs. Hart."

"Hello Mrs. Hart." Note to self: Tell Uncle Ray about the crush on Hen. It might get Uncle Ray to back off on flirting with Mrs. Hart because that is creepy to watch.

"Hiii. I didn't know you were bring friends and Tess's uncle to dinner." Yea, that was a long coversion that I had with Mr. Hart, Mrs. Hart, Mrs. Page, Mr. Page, Iris, and Hugo. Mainly since Iris, Hugo, and Mrs. Page were my dad's friends and Mr. Hart, Mrs. Hart, and Mr. Page were my mom's when they were alive and it was kinda hard for me to explain that I still had a blood relative alive.

"Uh well I--"

"Friends...Tess's uncle...and his boss from Junk 'N' Stuff.

"Mom, you remember Ray."

"Oh sure-- we've met a dozen times. "I'm just glad that Tess was able to find out that Ray was Raina's brother before she passed."

"Ah...Fourteen."

"Really? That's right I'm sorry..."

"Yeah there's..."

"Hey, can I uh...go up to your room for a sec?" What is Jasp planning?

"Why?"

"You'll see. You'll all see." Jasp goes up the stairs. Someone's phone goes off.

"Oh! Oh, it's Piper, she and your dad will be here any minute. I better go butter the lobster balls!"

"Lobster balls?"

"Hey! Okay, before Piper gets here, let's go over the bet." I roll my eyes. This night is going to end in disaster because of these four.

"Okay. When Piper gets mad and loses her temper, Jasper and I win. And you two gotta eat a big ol' nasty bucket of o' pumpkin guts."

"Or...when Piper doesn't get mad and lose her temper, Henry and I win."

"Yeah! And then you losers gotta eat a big 'ol nasty bucket o' pumpkin guts." I see Jasp coming down the stairs and what is he wearing?

"Such a child." Says the grown ass man who made a bet against two teenagers.

"Uhhh...guys..."

"Well...hello everyone." Did Jasp just change shirts too?

"Dude, we told you: the swim suit is not part of the bet."

"Oh, I know. I'm just uh, showin' off my new one. Ehh? Ehh?"

"Uh-uh. Uh-uh." Piper and Mr. Hart come in.

"And look who's back! It's me and Piper!"

"Dad, please don't make a big deal."

"Hi baby! Guess what we're having for dinner tonight! Lobster balls and fofu!" Fofu? What is that?

"Seriously?"

"Yeah!"

"Wait, what is fofu?"

"Well, it tastes just like tofu."

"But it's made with meat." So, Piper likes meat that tastes like a sponge.

"Ohhh. All right."

"Ahhh that sounds pretty good."

A little later into dinner

Ok, Fofu is actually pretty good.

"Ray...would you like to try a lobster ball?"

"Would I like to? Oh yeah. But I'm on a strict PEP diet, so..."

"Oh, you mean the Pumpkin Eating Plan?"

"You really get me."

"I like corn."

"So, Ray."

"Yeah?"

"Mmmm...this fofu really does taste like meat."

"Yeah! But not the good meat." The doorbell goes off. Why did the doorbell go off.

"Hmmm. Doorbell. I guess someone's at the door." Hen goes to open the door. Why is there a dude with a pony at the door?

"Uh, hi."

"Hello."

"Did someone order a pony?"

"A pony?!?"

"Wow...I wonder why there's a pony here." Uncle Ray...

"Uh, it says here... 'This beautiful pony is a present for Piper Hart.'" Where would the Harts keep the pony besides outside?

"Ahaha!"

"A present for Piper? Gosh, Piper, you must be so excited and happy." Uncle Ray.!

"I am!"

"Okay little girl here's your--Wait. How old are you?"

"I'm eleven."

"Ooooooooooooooo."

"Oooooooo."

"Yeah, sorry kid--ya gotta be at least 13 to get a free pony." Looks like I know what I might be getting Piper for Christmas or her birthday.

"But...what?" The guy and the pony leave.

"That...that jerk just took my pony away!"

"Uh-ohhhh...I think somebody's about to get angry."

"Yeah I'm about to0 get angry! I've wanted a pony since I was 3 years old." Hen squeezes the bulb on Piper's collar? So, that's an aroma collar."

"Do you understand what it's like to have...That's a nice lookin' swim suit."

"It is?"

"Oh yeah. It makes me happy. I'm gonna have some more fofu." Ok, happy Piper is really creepy but, it's better than pissed off Piper right now.

"Uncle Ray. Jasper. Can I talk to both of you in private?"

"Uh, sure." We go somewhere so I can talk to both of them in private. I slap both of them.

"Ow! Tess!"

"Why did you do that?"

"What you two did was a dirty trick! Uncle Ray, did you not learn when you used King Tut's golden bucket to make Jasp spill the fake secret?"

"Yea, but, Tess--"

"Uncle Ray." I give him a look.

"Ok, ok. We won't do it again."

"Good." We walk back to where everyone else is at and continue with dinner.

Later again

Why is Uncle Ray giving a signal to Jasp? Oh, those assholes lied straight to my face.

"Ooo! Henry and Charlotte, I gotta show you guys somethin' really cool! Come on!"

"Hhhuhh..." Jasp leads Hen and Char somewhere to show them something. What are they fucking planning?

"Uh so...I have to go get something from my car...Outside...Okay." Uncle Ray leaves. Hen, Char, and Jasp come back.

"Wait...come back."

"Dude, why would you think we'd care about seeing your big toe?"

"Because it's really unusual."

"So is the rest a'you."

"Wait...where's Ray?"

"I dunnoooo."

"They're up to somethin'."

"Duh."

"We better find him." I head outside with Hen and there is Uncle Ray blowing a bubble to transform into Captain Man.

"Ray!"

"Oh, hey Henry...and Tessa..."

"What are you up to?"

"Nothin', I'm just--" Uncle Ray's phone goes off.

"Schwoz. Hey Schwoz, you get my pumpkins?"

"Ray!!! Help me!!! I'm aloft!"

"Uh...look, I gotta go make a little girl that is not Tessa mad."

"But I need a place to land! Where are you?!?"

"Uh, I'm at Henry's house and I gotta go!" Uncle Ray hangs up on Schwoz.

"What are you gonna do?"

"I'm gonna go win a bet, so that you and Charlotte have to eat pumpkin guts."

"By doing a dirty trick."

"Dude..."

"Hahaha! Step aside, kid." Uncle Ray opens the door.

"Hello everyone! It's me, Captain Man." Uncle Ray tries to close the door on Hen but, it heits Hen's shoulder.

"Wow!"

"Look-it!"

"Captain Man!"

"Ah geez."

"Wow. Captain Man--what are you doing here, where there's nothing for you to do, and you probably should be leaving, maybe?"

"Yeah, why'd you come here?!?"

"Yeah."

"Well, you're the president of my fan club, aren't ya'? The Man Fans?" Uncle Ray, don't!

"Yeah, I am!"

"Or maybe not." Uncle Ray...

"What? Whaddaya mean?"

"Uh...I'm sorry, but to be president of the Man Fans, you have to be at least 4 foot, 10 inches tall."

"She is!"

"Yeah, I am 4' 10''."

"Ha! Oh, uh...Sorry, I coughed."

"Uh, uhhh...Yeah, you-you know what? Actually pfft, what I meant to say was, uh, you can't be president of the Man Fans if you're 4'10''. Which apparently you are, so sorry." Uncle Ray...you didn't just do that.

"What?!?"

"This is so dumb!"

"Hey, I don't make the rules."

"Well who does?"

"A person."

"This is insane!"

"Piper, remember your bulb--sque-squeeze your bulb."

"No! I got elected the president of the Man Fans, fair and square!" You got elected because the old one was a bitch and did nothing when Kid Danger was getting beaten up by The Spoiler before you took him down.

"Yeah, but that was probably back when you were 4'9'', so..."

"Uh, here, let me squeeze your bulb for you."

"No! Everyone get away from me and my bulb! Okay. I'm really mad... But I'm not gonna lose my temper, because I've learned that if I do lose my temper, that--" Schwoz comes crashing through the ceiling.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Schwoz lands on Piper. Schwoz and Piper get up. Piper's aroma collar is torn.

Chapter Text

Tess

Schwoz and Piper get up. Piper's aroma collar is torn. Uh-oh.

"Do I smell lobster balls?" Schwoz heads to the kitchen.

"Who is this man?!?"

"Ooo! Piper's collar broke and fell off!"

"P=Piper, c'mon now...there's no reason to lose your temper or anything. It's...it's all good--"

"No reason?!?" Here it comes.

"I had a pony that was repossessed! I got fired from the Man Fans because of my height! And then some insane man just fell through our roof and is eating all our lobster balls!"

"But-but...y-you like Jasper's new swim suit!"

"Yeah. Remember, you said his new swim suit makes you happy!"

"Well I changed my mind!" Piper walks over to Jasp.

"Whoa whoa wait, what what are you--" Piper rips the swim suit off of him and he has no pants now.

"Ahhh!" Piper tosses it to Char and Char tosses it to Mr. Hart.

"D'ah! Gah!" Mr. Hart tosses onto the bowl of Lobster Balls that Schwoz is eating.

"Ahhhhhhhh! The lobster balls!"

"Hahahahahaha!"

"I am not okay!!! Ulch!!!!"

"Ehhhhhh...I'm okay."

Later

Char and Hen are eating raw pumpkin guts.

"It's better than fofu."

"No it's not."

"I know." Ok, I'm done now. I text Uncle Ray and Jasp to meet here in the Man Cave. A few mintues later Jasp comes down from upstairs and Uncle Ray comes out of his sprocket.

"Hen, Char, stop eating the guts." Hen and Char stop eating the guts.

"I'm going to say this one more time. Did you four LOSE YOUR FUCKING MINDS WHEN YOU MADE THE BET?? Because, I think all of you did. Also, Uncle Ray, Jasp, you two cheated to win."

"But, Tess--"

"No buts! You two cheated, so eat the pumpkin guts."

"Tess--"

"EAT THE PUMPKIN GUTS BEFORE I MAKE YOU EAT THEM!"

"Okay, okay." Uncle Ray, Jasp, Hen, and Char eat the rest of the guts. I hope this will teach them to not make another stupid bet next time. Hopefully.

Couple of days later

Hen has been asking Uncle Ray for him to teach him to use the Man-Copter. I should bring up that Hood Danger isn't official to Uncle Ray.

"Come on, man..."

"Shhhhh."

"Will you please say yes?"

"Will you please shhhhh?!?"

"I'll shhhhh if you teach me how to fly the Man-Copter." Ok, what is going off?

"Come on--" Uncle Ray pulls out his phone.

"It's Charlotte. Go for me."

"Okay, it's confirmed. You're looking for the Ballerino Brothers."

"I hate those guys. You know, they're not even brothers." They probably became as close as brothers.

"I don't get why you won't say yes--"

"Do you get that I'm on the phone?"

"Hen, cool it with the Man-Copter thing." Hen takes Uncle Ray's phone. Here we go.

"Uh! You do not snatch my phone like that!"

"Will you please just teach me to fly the Man-Copter?" I see the Ballerino Brothers. Showtime.

"What have I told you about using your lightning fast reflexes to snatch my stuff?"

"You promised me that you would."

"Well will talk about it later. Right now, we need to--Ah!" Hen and Uncle Ray go down after the brothers knock them with the trash cans. I go to sit on the concrete thing, mainly since I'm not an official sidekick, though Villains and others see me as an official sidekick.

"Captain Man, Kid and Hood Danger. Nice tutu see you."

"Well, if it isn't the Ballerino Brothers."

"That's right. And our favorite dance is the Nutcracker. Sweet." Ok, does the other one even talk?

"'Kay, what about Saturday morning? You could teach me before work." Seriously! Not now!

"You're too young to fly the Man-Copter."

"Ohhhh! Ohhh okay! So I'm old enough to help you beat up vicious ballet dancers, but I'm not old enough to fly the Man-Copter?"

"It's not a question of age, it's a question of experience and training and--"

"Uhhh...'scuze me? Are we gonna fight, or do you two need to see a couples' therapist?" Note to self: Seriously tell Uncle Ray about being in love with his sidekick.

"Perhaps both. You dancing punks."

"Punks? We went to Juilliard!"

"How could you say I'm too young?"

"You're not ready! You're just a side-kick."

"Oh. Oh really?"

"Oh! Oh really."

"Oh. Oh oh yeah?"

"Oh. Oh oh yeah." I'm surprised that the Ballerino Brothers haven't tried to escape yet.

"Oh. Okay..."

"Okay..."

"Then let's make a deal."

"Aw, what kinda 'deal?'"

"If I knock out both these Ballerinos, by myself..."

"Haha okay..."

"Yeah! Then you...have to teach me how to fly the Man-Copter."

"Kid, you--Okay, sure. Tell ya what...I'm gonna sit over here with Hood Danger. You fight these guys by yourself." Uncle Ray starts to walk over to sit next to me.

"I will."

"Good luck."

"No. I don't need luck. You know why?"

"Ahhh!!!" Hen gets hit in the head with a box and falls to the ground. Hen gets back up.

"Wow, Kid. Way to block that...with your head."

"Okay, Ballerinos...Let's dance." Hen starts to fight Ballerinos. Why did Uncle Ray bring a sack lunch?

"Ah, dang it, I told Schwoz to pack crunchy peanut butter." Hen picks up a lid to a trash can and hits one of the Ballerinos. The other hits his hand and Hen knocks him down with the lid. Hen tosses the lid aside.

"You watchin' this?"

"Yeah. Hey Ballerino, try usin' this." Uncle Ray hands something metal to one of the Ballerinos.

"Hey! No no no. Why would you do--" Hen lands on his ass and back because the one with the metal thing makes Hen fall on his back and ass.

"Ahhh!" Hen knocks the Ballerino down.

"Bravissimo!" Hen gets back up.

"Hey! You can't help them beat me up!"

"Nah. Never said that!" He's right. They never made an agreement on that.

"Juilliard!" One of the Ballerinos goes for Hen but blocks it. Hen punches the Ballerino into the dumpster. Hen fights the other one and throws him into the dumpster with the one in there. The lid closes on the brotheres.

"Now you have to teach me how to fly the Man-Copter." Hen takes Uncle Ray's sandwich.

"Nooo...no no."

"We had a deal!"

"Yeah! The deal was you had to knock both Ballerinos!"

"I did!"

"No, you didn't! Look--that one's getting out the dumpster right now." One of the brothers tries to get out. Hen takes the sandwich apart and throws onto the brother trying to get out.

"Ahhhh! I'm allergic to peanuts!!!" The brother goes down.

"All right Kid, you win."

"I know."

Mount Swellview

I'm sitting in the back part of the helicopter when Hen gets in the pilot's seat.

"Hoohoohoo...Hahahha! Yeah baby! Henry Hart...in the pilot seat! Let's go! Chew! Pew pew pew! Pew! Pffddd..."

"Move."

"What? Dude!" Hen, being forced to move and Uncle Ray gets in the pilot's seat.

"Beautiful morning, ey?" Uncle Ray puts his seat belt on and so do I.

"You supposed to let me fly."

"Well, I assume you know the first rule of flying a helicopter."

"What?"

"Shuttin's up. Now...flying a helicopter isn't for babies."

"What's your point?"

"That you should read this manual, cover to cover." I read the helicopter manual on online on the drive up here.

"All right. I'll read that manual if you swear on your life that you read that manual before you flew a helicopter." Uncle Ray pages through it.

"'Kay, you don't have to read the manual." Uncle Ray tosses it aside and it hits Char.

"Owww! Who threw this manual?"

"Uh so-so...some guy."

"Uncle Ray threw it."

"Charlotte, will you please finish up the diagnostic test so we can get this thing up in the air? Thank you!"

"Oh, sure. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to waste your guys' time while I was pulling this manual out of my eye."

"Apology accepted."

"It's okay." I smack both Uncle Ray and Hen in the back of the heads.

"Ow! Tess."

"Here's your manual." Char tosses the manual onto Uncle Ray's lap.

"D'ah!" Char walks away.

"Hey, why are we taking this helicopter? I thought we were gonna take the Man-Copter."

"Because...Before you get to fly my super-cool Man-Copter...which does exist...You first need to learn on this rental helicopter."

"Okay, fine, whatever, let's just start this thing okay, I just wanna fly."

"Hey hey hey...it's not that easy."

"Oh, it's not?"

"No, it's not. I mean, for example...starting a helicopter...nothing at all like starting a car. As you can see, there are literally dozens of buttons, levers, and lights all over the dashboard, and it takes time and experience..." Hen turns the helicopter on while Uncle Ray is rambling on about helicopters. We hear Char and Uncle Ray turns the helicopter off.

"Don't do that."

"But it started."

"I know but don't do that."

"Okay."

"Thank you."

"But it started."

"What?"

"Mmm??? What?" Char walks over to us again, but this time her hair is messed up.

"Who started the helicopter!?"

"Uhhh..."

"Henry did."

"Well, we're not really sure--"

"We're very sure, it was Henry."

"Well..."

"Henry, did you start the helicopter?"

"Uh. Maybe! I think so! I'm pretty sure yeah! Why does it matter? I didn't mean to! I'm sorry."

"Well, the next time you wanna start a helicopter, I'd appreciate if you'd please tell me, so I can move my head away from the large spinning blades!"

"Dude, she's mad, so just take off. Just hit the thing and lift off."

"Wait! Hold on!"

"Here we go!"

"Flying away? You're flying away?!? Wait, hold!"

"Oh, no, bye!"

"Byeee!" We start to go up. I'm surrounded by men that are idiots.

"I was in the middle of expressing my thoughts! Wait, hold on! Don't you lift off!"

"Ohh, can't hear you!"

"Oh, it's really loud."

"Like wow, really loud."

"Because of the blades..."

"Don't go without me! Come back!"

"We can't come back!"

"We don't know how it works!"

"You do too know how it works!!!"

"Back in a few!" And we just left Char. Great. I'm stuck on a helicopter with Captain Idiot and Kid Stupid.

Later

Still in the air but, now wearing a headset. Where did Hen get the banana?

"Now, as you can see, one of the most important things about flying a helicopter is keeping the helicopter high off the ground, or, in more technical terms,--"

"Dude! Dude!"

"Air--"

"You said I could fly!"

"Well yeah but first, I gotta teach you!"

"Then teach me while I'm flying!"

"Yea, since that's how it's done when learning how to drive."

"Aaaahhh...all right, you think you're ready to fly this thing?"

"Yeah, I really do!"

"All right, let's switch places." Uncle Ray takes off his seat blet.

"Okay!"

"Yeah you coming to me?" Hen takes his off. This isn't going to end well.

"Okay, yeah yeah yeah..."

"Come over here." Uncle Ray and Hen start to switch.

"Counter-clockwise..."

"What, no, I go--"

"Counter-clockwise..."

"You go clockwise--"

"I go counter-clockwise!"

"All right, all right..."

"Watch the banana!"

"Whoah, whoah!"

"You take the banana!" Hen hands the banana to Uncle Ray.

"I got the banana...You get the stick. Got it?"

"All right, all right...No, no, no!"

"You got it, you got it!" Uncle Ray and Hen get into the seats.

"All right!"

"Ahhh! Oh!" The banana falls out of the helicopter.

"Aww gosh! There goes my banana." Hen gets control of the helicopter.

"Woo! Hahaha! Yeah! Woo! This isn't so hard!"

"Yeah, just be careful."

"Yeah, no prob--Hey, that's my soda!" When did Hen bring that with him?

"Yeah, well, I'm drinkin' it."

"No no, you better not!"

"Don't tell me what I can and cannot drink, Henry--" Hen jerks the helicopter a little bit to the left.

"Whoah--no!" Uncle Ray drops the bottle. I hope it doesn't hit someone.

"Dang it!"

A little more while into flying later

Uncle Ray and Hen already put their seat belts back on.

"Wooooo! Hahahaha! Yo! Helicopters are heli-fun! Y'know what I'm sayin'?"

"Yeah."

"Y'know what I'm sayin'?"

"Yeah I know what you're sayin."

"Y'know what I'm saying'?"

"I know what you're saying! Yes."

"Hey, look look look! We're not that far from Junk 'N' Stuff!"

"Yeah so?"

"So c'mon, let's fly over the shop so Charlotte, Schwoz, and Jasper can see us!"

"Uh, no no no. No. The answer is no."

"Ah, yeah...of course the answer is no."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That you're against fun."

"What?!?"

"You hate fun. You're fun-killer."

"Do you mean that Uncle Ray is a buzz kill?"

"No I'm not. I love fun and I'm not a buzz kill."

"Then let's fly over Junk 'N' Stuff."

"No, 'cuz I think we should fly over Junk 'N' Stuff."

"What, yeah, that's what I want to."

"Yeah, haha, after I wanted to."

"Uh, what, what?"

"J-just just be quiet and fly over Junk 'N' Stuff so we can have some fun! All right! I'm just trying to have some fun, okay? I mean, unless you're against fun."

"Nah, I'm pro-fun."

"Oh! Oh yeah... yeah, sure, sure. 'Cuz I'm.. 'Cuz I'm pro-fun."

"What?"

"Nothing. Just fly."

"If you two are going to keep doing this, just drop me off at Junk 'N' Stuff." They seem to shut up after I say that.

Later again

Why is Uncle Ray holding his tablet?

"All right...This is officially the most fun I've ever had."

"Yeah. Just keep flying towards Junk 'N' Stuff. I'm trying to make a list for the supermarket."

"Oh, sorry."

"'Kay, I need meat...I need peanut butter...crunchy. assorted crackers...Henry!!!" Uncle Ray grabs the control since we are drifting a little bit.

"Whoa, whoa, what, geez man, what?!?"

"You don't look through binoculars while you're flying a helicopter!"

"Oh...But I saw some cheerleaders down there! Look, cheerleaders!"

"I don't care what y--Cheerleaders?"

"Yeah!"

"Gimme those." Uncle Ray tries to get the binoculars.

"What? Oh." Uncle Ray takes the binoculars.

"Ohhhh yeah. Uh-huh. That is a cheerful group of ladies."

"Hey! Hey hey hey!"

"What's up?"

"I bet those cheerleaders would love to take a selfie with Captain Man and Kid Danger." And they forgot that I'm here too.

"Yeah, I bet they would." Hen and Uncle Ray grab their tubes and pop a gumball. I don't even bother putting on my cloak because I'm pretty much invisible to them right now. Hen and Uncle Ray transform into Captain Man and Kid Danger.

"Lookin' good, Captain Man."

"Feelin' good, Kid Danger."

"All right, I'll take us down and land by the cheerleaders.

"Uh, no no no. Let-let me land." Uncle Captain Man takes his seatbelt off.

"Nah, it's cool. I can land."

"Have you ever landed a helicopter?"

"Uh...Well no but--"

"Okay, so you've never landed a helicopter, but somehow, you know exactly how to land a helicopter."

"Uh...I don't think it's that hard to land a helicopter."

"Well, it's very hard to land a helicopter. And that's why I'm gonna do it."

"No! No! No! You just wanna land so you can show off in front of the cheerleaders!"

"Hey guess what, you're right, now switch places with me."

What? No! No!" Uncle Ray grabs the speaker.

"Hello, this is your Captain speaking. Now get outta that seat!"

"No! I wanna land it myself!"

"Henry, I'm not playing!"

"Hey! No!"

"Move out of that seat!"

"What are you doing?"

"Move! Get out of there!"

"You did not just touch me!" Uncle Ray and Hen start to fight.

"Outta' that seat! I am the man! You are the child! Do you understand--WAHHHHhhh AAHHHhhh..." Uncle Ray falls out of the helicopter.

Chapter Text

Tess

Uncle Ray falls out of the helicopter.

"Okay...Okay...It's all good. It's okay...It's okay...He's indestructible...so it's not a problem...that he flew outta the helicopter..." A couple of minutes later and I'm not the only girl in the helicopter.

"Okay...soooo...where do you guys wanna go?"

"We wanna go whenever you wanna go." We HaVe No BrAiNcElL iN oUr HeAdS!

"Good answer. Whoa! Whoa! Oh wow, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't--I did not mean to do that." I just roll my eyes.

"I'm so sorry." This was the most uncomfortable helicopter ride ever.

A couple of days later-Man Cave

So, I haven't be successful on getting Uncle Ray to make Hood Danger official but, the closet I've gotten so far is now kind of living here when Jasp isn't home or Iris and Hugo are home.

"Hey Ray...Ray..."

"Hey, you're supposed to be getting to work now, why aren't here?"

"Oh, Uncle Ray--"

"Tessa, I've already said no!" I just pout. I've been fighting crime with him and Hen for almost 3 years now! It's time for Hood Danger to be come official.

"Uh, 'cuz I can't come in to work--I'm sick."

"Oh, so you're in the hospital?"

"Uncle Ray..."

"Uh...Well, no, I'm not in the hospital but I'm not feelin' that--"

"Henry, we're crime fighters. And since don't blow off work when they're sick, neither do Captain Man and Kid Danger."

"What about Hood Danger?"

"Tessa! Not now!"

"Ray..."

"I mean, you ever seen me blow off work?"

"That is not a fair statement."

"Okay, that's not fair!"

"Why is it not fair?"

"Because! You've been indestructible since you were eight and Mrs. Nicholas was 18, you can't get sick!"

"That's right, so...be more like me."

"Look, my mom says I can't come in to work, so..."

"Your mom?"

"Yeah."

"Want me to come talk to her?"

"Ew! Uncle Ray!"

"Okay, you know what? I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Nehahahahahaha!" Hen hangs up.

"So, Uncle Ray?"

"Tess, I've already said no. It was already risky enough when I took you and Henry along to fight Drex. He could have put you into a coma."

"So? He spanked Hen and then You and Schwoz gave him a super power! All I got was a long healing process."

"That's not the point, Tess! Your parents already died at the hands of a villain, I'm not losing you the same way."

"But, you're ok with losing Hen to the hands of a villain?"

"Tess! He's not a blood relative like you are! I've already lost my sister, your mother, and my brother-in-law, your father! I'm not taking a chance on losing you! Now, stop bugging me about this!" I know Uncle Ray is done with talking about it, but I have a feeling that with enough pestering, I'll get him to change his mind.

Later

Jasp is holding up the palette for Uncle Ray who's painting a statue of himself? Char has been going through a lot of tissues today. She's also been blowing her nose a lot too.

"Yeah...aw yeah...that's nice...look at me..." At least Uncle Ray has a good self-image of his hero ego. The elevator doors open. Hen's here. He's also coughing.

"Hey everybody."

"Hi Henry."

"Hey Hen." Char sneezes.

"No sneezing."

"Uncle Ray!"

"Hey, you sick, too?"

"Nooo, I'm just collecting a giant pile of dirty tissues."

"That's gross."

"She's being sarcastic, Hen." Schowz comes out of Uncle Ray's sprocket.

"Hey everybody!"

"Hey what's up?"

"Hey Schwoz."

"Since it's Saturday morning, look what I brought! Cupcakes!"

"Oh!"

"Sweet."

"Hey Henry, grab me one would ya?"

"Uh, yeah sure." Hen tries to grab one. Why is his finger green? SCHWOZ! What did you do?

"Daaaahh!!!" Char spits and Uncle Ray makes a mistake on painting. Schwoz drops the tray.

"Dang it, Schwoz!!!"

"Aw, the cupcakes..."

"What did you do?"

"Everything's fine." Schwoz runs out of the room. If everything is fine, why did you run out?

"What's goin' on with him?"

"I dunno. He's acting kinda'..." Char and Hen cough. What did Schwoz do that is the reason that Char and Hen are sick?

"Ugggghhh, am I gonna have to listen to that all day?"

"Would you make that comment if I was sick, Uncle Ray?" Uncle Ray doesn't answer. He's lucky that I'm not sick. Char blows her nose.

"Uh hey, y'know my whole family's sick, too?"

"No."

"Jasper, how you feelin'?"

"Great. Just gettin' a little tired of holding these paints."

"Higher."

"Tess?"

"I'm doing okay." Schwoz comes back in with a mask, gloves, and some devices.

"Hello. So uh...did anyone here recently go into my science laboratory?"

"Well, yeah."

"You sent me and Charlotte and Jasper and Tess there on Thursday."

"To put labels on your beakers." Schwoz....what did you seriously do?

"Okay, well...I think I did a bad thing."

"Explain."

"What did you do?"

"Well, you know how I've always wanted to be famous? By curing some terrible disease?"

"Yeah."

"Uh-huh."

"So, I figured...the fastest way to come up with a cure was to create my own terrible disease."

"So, because you wanted to be famous for curing something, you played God?"

"What?!?"

"What?"

"Ah...Classic Schwoz."

"Hold on. Hold on. Are you're saying that you think we have that disease that you created?"

"Well..."

"He-he doesn't know that! I mean, maybe we just have a cold or...or the flu or...or dandruff!"

"Yeah, Schwoz, you don't know why they're sick, you're not a doctor."

"I know what I'm talking about! Look at Henry's pinky fingers!"

"Oh yeah. Why are they green?"

"It's one of the symptoms of my disease." Char checks her fingers and they're green too.

"Ahhhh!!! My pinkies are green, too!"

"Let me see!" Schwoz scans Char and Hen. The results come in.

"Yah. You both have my disease." Uh-oh. Meaning there's a chance that Jasp and I have it.

"Ahhhh great!"

"Well, what about Jasper and Tess? They were with us. They touched your beakers. Do they have your disease?"

"Let me see here..." Schwoz test Jasp and I. Jasp is giggling while Schwoz is testing him. The results come back.

"Jasper and Teresa are clean, no disease." Wait, what? How?

"Well we have it, why don't they have it?!?"

"I-I don't know why Jasper or Teresa doesn't have it. They should. My disease is very contagious." Great. Meaning that Hen's family has it too.

"Well, what do Henry and I do now?!?"

"Yeah! And what about my family?!?"

"I can answer that. Schwoz, you better come up with a cure for your stupid disease."

"Okay..."

"And until he does...Henry, since you're both contagious, you and Charlotte are gonna have to be quarantined in your house, with your family."

"What is quarantined?"

"It means that they all have to stay inside, so they don't spread the disease to the normal people of Swellview."

"Well--well, what about you?"

"Haha! Don't worry about me. Old Uncle Ray's indestructible, which means...can't get sick." Uncle Ray coughs after he makes his statement and his fingers are now green. Since the one who is indestructible has the disease, we're doomed.

"AHHHHHH!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Wh-wh-wha..."

The Hart House

Walking to the Hart House and pushing Uncle Ray in a shopping cart. I'm wearing the gas mask I wore when we had to take our test during that dangerous gas leak. Yes, the one that makes me sound like a Kelad.

"Oh, will you stop itchin' and moanin'?"

"Yeah, we're just as sick as you. Expect for Tess."

"But you don't understand! My head! Like...Aww it like...aches!"

"Okay, that's called 'a headache.'"

"Well I don't like it! Ow!"

"This is pathetic." Schwoz walks by.

"Okay. How's everyone doing?"

"How are we doing?"

"Look at our fingers." Two green fingers.

" D'aaaahh!"

"This is not good."

"Ehhh...Nothing to worry about." I turn to Schwoz.

"You are such a terrible liar."

"Isn't that one of my gas masks?"

"Yes."

"I don't get this! I'm indestructible! How's your freakish disease making me sick?!?"

"I guess I'm just really good at creating freakish diseases."

"Not helping, Schwoz."

"So you're positive we're not gonna die?"

"Of course! Well at least not until all of your fingers and thumbs turn green."

"WHAT?!?"

"THEN WE DIE?!?" Great mortality boost...Not.

"Look, you all just go inside so I can get back to working on the cure."

"Wait, but what if Henry's parents try to leave the house?"

"Don't worry...I brought Bork to guard the door and having Teresa watching you all." We all see Bork.

"Oh hey."

"Heya Bork." He grunts in response.

"Born, come help me outta here!" Bork comes over with a mask on to help Uncle Ray out. He turns the cart around and dumps Uncle Ray out.

"AHHHH!!! Thanks." Uncle Ray gets up. We all go in and see Hen's parents and Piper all wearing their jackets. Schwoz closes the door behind us.

"Hey..."

"Hi Henry."

"Hello."

"Oh my gosh, is Charlotte sick too?"

"Yeah."

"So's my boss."

"That's right but...But I'm not too sick to notice a pretty li--I need my pills. Give me my pi--Awww, come on!"

"Ah! Look honey...their fingers are turning green too!"

"Yeah, well...That's why I'm takin' us all to the doctor."

"That is not a good idea."

"You can't!"

"Uh, actually you can't..."

"Mom, Dad, Piper...this is uh..."

"My name is Doctor Schwarmalensen."

"Yeah, that. He's from the uh..."

"The Swellview County Health Department."

"That's right. I'm sorry but you must all be quarantined."

"Quarantined?!?"

"Yes. You see, little girl...when people get upset tum-tums, sometimes they have--"

"Will you quit talking to me like I'm an idiot?"

"It just means that we have to stay here, in this house, until he says we're cured."

"Uh, yes, that's right, uh..."

"Okay, sorry Doctor Schwankelsen, but I'm not going to the doctor, and I don't want to sit in this stupid house all day."

"Piper, you're going to regret that."

"Piper..."

"I'm going to Glozella!"

"No! No no..."

"Please don't." Piper opens the door and see Bork. Piper closes the door.

"I've decided to stay here."

"Okay, I don't mean any disrespect, but I just don't see why we can't go see our own doctor."

"No!"

"Little rude, Doctor."

"If you come into contact with the public, you could infect every person in Swellview." Then we would be really doomed. Where did Piper go?

"Yeah mom, we're contagious, we can't risk infecting other people."

"Hey...uh, where did that bratty little girl go?"

"Her name is Piper, Uncle Ray."

"Piper went out the back!"

"We gotta stop her!" We run to the back to stop her.

"Piper!" Bork comes in the front with Piper.

"Hey! Quit it! Put me down, you...you large man!" Bork puts Piper down.

"Yes...I think you will all find escape quite impossible. See you soon!" Schwoz leaves and Bork closes the door. Everyone starts to cough. I hope Jasp will be okay since he is going to be used for the cure.

Later

Everyone is sitting around or laying down somewhere.

"Oh God, everything hurts..." Out of everyone in the house, Uncle Ray is the only one that is not taking it well.

"I'm so sick!" Almost all of Hen's fingers and I think everyone's fingers green. Schwoz, I hope you have already made the cure or almost done, but if we don't have it soon. We're going to have to bury six bodies and need new town heros since Captain Man and Kid Danger will be dead! Oh. I don't wanna lose another family member! I only found out a few months ago that my mom's brother was still alive! I don't wanna lose Uncle Ray just like I don't wanna lose Hen or Char!

"Ah! Ah! Char...Charlotte...Hey...Charlotte..look at my fingers." Char looks at her fingers.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!" Mr. Hart looks at his too.

"Ahhh!!!" Hen is calling someone. I hope it's Schwoz that he's calling.

"Ahhhhh...uhhhhh..."

"Ya! Go for Schwoz!"

"Hello?"

"Hi Henry! I'm almost ready with the cure. I just need a little more blood from Jasper." The cure has Jasp's blood in it? Lord, help us.

"Nooooo...I'm outta blood!" Jasp is going to need a lot of sugar later.

"Just...please hurry..." Hen drops his phone. This is not good.

"What? Did you drop your phone? Did your screen break?!?" Schwoz hangs up. Please hurry Schwoz! I don't know how much longer they're gonna last before we lose them.

Later

Everyone is getting worse and I'm losing hope. I guess Uncle Ray is trying to get something to eat.

"Ray...Ray...Ray..." Hen falls off the couch and gets up.

"Shut up." Hen walks over to Uncle Ray.

"Ray...Listen...You can't, you can't eat that. You're too sick."

"But I'm so hungry. I gotta eat something. Hey... Hey what's wrong with my mouth? What's wrong with my mouth?"

"Listen...Hey buddy listen...listen...listen...Schwoz told me...that one of the final symptoms of his disease...is lockjaw." Which means, Uncle Ray is quickly dying...

"Lockjaw?!?"

"No...Lockjaw."

"I said lockjaw! That's what I said."

"Oh yeah yeah yeah...that's why you can't open your mouth."

"Ah! But I'm so hungry!"

"Well, you can't eat if you can't open your mouth, man." Where's Schwoz with the cure?

"Yes I can! I can! I'm special... Ahhhh!!!" Uncle Ray tries to eat but fails.

"I just want the chicken... I just want the chicken..." A knock at the door.

"Come in..."

"Come in." Schwoz walk in! Yay! Schwoz is here with the cure!

"Hello, how's everyone doing? Great! Now look, everyone!" Schwoz takes out the cure.

"I brought the cure!"

"Ooh!"

"Huh?"

"See, it's right he--" Schwoz drops the cure.

Chapter Text

Tess

"See, it's right he--" Schwoz drops the cure.

"Ahhh!"

"D'ahhhhhh!!!"

"Oh my God!!! The cure is ruined!" Why do I have a feeling that wasn't the real cure?

"I gotta have it..." Uncle Ray tries to get the cure.

"Hahahahahahahaha...Stop that...I was kidding!"

"What the but?!?"

"Hahahahahahha! I got you all so good! Ha!" Schwoz grabs the real cure.

"See? Here's the real cure!!!" Everyone grabs a cure.

"Yah yah, drink it down and your disease will go bye bye." Everyone drinks it.

"Ah!"

"Yuck! Ah!" I didn't think the cure was going to taste good since Schwoz was using Jasp's blood.

"Now...now what happens?"

"Well, uh, now you might all start experiencing a but of shaking and/or twitching. But it could take a few minutes before..." Looks like the cure is kicking in.

"Ah, there it goes." Schwoz heads into the kitchen and takes off his mask to eat. Schwoz cleans a little bit and puts his mask back on. They all stop shaking and twitching.

"Did...did it work?" The green on Hen's hand is gone. It worked! Everyone's hands are back to normal.

"My fingers! They're...they're greenless!"

"Ha! I can move my jaw again. Hahaha oh man...How you feelin'?" Yep, Uncle Ray's back.

"I...I think I'm okay."

"Yeah...I'm okay too."

"Didn't ask you."

"Uncle Ray, be nice!"

"Oh stop..."

"Okay...Mom or Dad, which one of you is gonna drive me to Glozella?" Is she high?

"Ulch! After what we've all just been through?"

"Are you batty?"

"We are not driving you to Glozella."

"Fine. Then I'll drive myself." Forgot she has a license because of the idiots at the Swellview DMV. Piper takes the keys and heads out the door.

"No wait!"

"C'mon!" Mr. and Mrs. Hart go after Piper.

"Piper!!!"

"Piper!"

"You are not driving my car!!!"

"You are too young to drive!!!"

"You don't even know how to drive!!!" Schwoz and I take off our masks.

"Whew. Crazy day, right?" Yea, one that wouldn't have been a crazy one had you not played God.

"Hey, let's go talk outside."

"No, I don't want to."

"Yeah c'mon."

"Aww let's just go outside."

"It'll be fine."

"Come on."

"I think you are all very mad at me..."

"No, no..."

"No. We're not mad."

"I-I don't feel good about this..." We head outside.

"Bork, little help?" Bork catches Schwoz and puts him in the shopping cart.

"Hey, why are you...No! This make me uncomfortable! Ayeee!"

"Whoops." Uncle Ray pushes the cart and it starts rolling off Hen's porch.

"I need to put on my safety belt! Ahhh! Stop this crazy thing!" Schwoz in the cart gets hit. The cart comes back to us.

"I'm okay!" This was a very long day.

Couple of days later-Man Cave

Char, Jasp, and I come down the tubes. Why is Schwoz in a kiddie pool, fulla beans? Wait, where's Uncle Ray and Hen?

"Hey, you guys. What are you doing here on a Sunday?"

"We're here to meet Henry." Where is Hen?

"And uh...what are you doing?"

"I'm taking a bean bath." Schwoz eats some of the beans.

"Mmmm, good beans. So...why do you have those pretty pistols?"

"We're goin' with Henry to the squirt gun range."

"Yeah. Where is Henry?"

"Schwoz, have you seen Henry?"

"And Uncle Ray for that matter?"

"No. He and Ray went to capture Jeff yesterday and never came back." Uh-oh. That's not good. They could be in danger!

"And you're not worried?"

"Hey, could you guys grab that bucket of beans and pour it over my body?" Schwoz spreads out into a starfish pose. Yea, no thanks.

"No!"

"Gross."

"No way in Hell."

"Cowards!" Char is calling Hen.

"Come on Henry...answer..." Char hangs up and goes to the computer to try to find Hen and Uncle Ray. Schwoz is now covering himself in rice?

"Are you adding rice to your bean bath?"

"Yahhh. What, like I'm the first person in the world to mix 'rice and beans?'"

"Hey...hey hey...I think I found Ray and Henry...Looks like...they're in that old store that used to rent movies!"

"Beta Maximus?!?"

"Uh-huh!" Char pulls out her phone to dial a phone number.

"Hey Charlotte, can you come over here please and help me with the--"

"Nooooo." Char calls the police?

"Swellview Police. What's your emergency?"

"You need to send a S.W.A.T. team to the old video store in South Swellview, Beta Maximus."

"Why? That place has been closed since the nineteen hundreds."

"I know! But I heard that Captain Man and Kid Danger are there, and I think there's big trouble." They were capturing Jeff. How much trouble could they have with Jeff?

"Okaaaay, I get it..."

"Uh...You get what?

"You're a teenager, you're dumb, and you're bored, so you're prank callin' the police." And you need to be fired since that is not at all what's happening.

"Uhh...No sir, I just need--"

"Ya know, 'irritating a police officer' is a felony." Among the other stupid laws of Swellview, Shockley, that's not one of them.

"I...I don't think that's true."

"Never call back here!" Or never call the police when you're on duty.

"No wait! But--"

"Never!" The officer hangs up. He was a rude man.

"He hung up on me!"

"You can't prank call the cops."

"I wasn't prank ca--ah, forget it. Schwoz, you need to drive Jasper, Tess, and me to Beta Maximus!"

"For why?"

"For to help Ray and Henry!"

"No." Schwoz...

"Wh--?! No?!? Whaddaya mean, no?!?"

"Last week, I asked Ray for a raise. You know what he said to me?"

"What?"

"He said: 'Why don't you 'raise' your hand, and slap your face with it?' Then, Henry laughed. It was hoomalating."

"Well, Uncle Raymond's an ass. I've been asking him to make Hood Danger official for a couple days now, and he has said no so far." They seem a little taken back when I said Uncle Raymond instead of Uncle Ray.

"Okay, fine--then we'll handle this ourselves."

"How are we going we handle--" Jasp's phone goes off.

"Who us it?!?" Jasp pulls out his phone and looks at the caller id.

"It's Henry's dad."

"Oh man, he's probably looking for Henry."

"No worries, I got this." Jasp answers.

"Hey, Mister Hart."

"Jasper! We can't find Henry! Do you know where Henry is?!?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....please hold." Jasp mutes himself.

"Yeah. You 'got that' good."

"Here Jasper, hand me your phone."

"Okay." Jasp hands Schwoz his phone.

"What are you gonna do?"

"Just apsshhjiji--" Schwoz pulls out some headband from the cabinet behind him, and puts it on. Schwoz starts to mess with it to start to sound like Hen.

"Testing, one two three...This little Henry went to market...this little Henry stayed home...this little Henry ate a chicken breast...a chicken breast...chicken breast...I'm Henry Hart, and I ate a chicken breast." That is so freaky.

"Now...watch this." Schwoz grabs Jasp's phone and unmutes.

"Hey Dad, what goes on?"

"Henry! Is that you?!?"

"Uh, yeah, 'course it's me. I mean, it's not like I'm some dude, sittin' in a pool a'beans." Smooth, Schwoz. Smooth.

"Well, where have you been?!? Why didn't you come home last night?!?"

"Uhhh yeah, sorry, I spent the night at Jasper and Tess's house."

"Oh. Well, why aren't you responding to our phone calls or text messages?!?" Schwoz seems to blank. I whisper.

"Give me the damn phone." Schwoz hands me the phone.

"Hey, Mr. Hart."

"Tessa? Why isn't Henry responding?"

"Hen's phone died and is on charge."

"Oh. Ok, then."

"Bye, Mr. Hart." I hang up the phone and hand the phone back to Jasp. Schwoz stops the headband.

"Ta-daaaaaaa! Now please...leave me here in my beans." Schwoz turns the music back on. We have got to figure out a way to rescue Hen and Uncle Ray.

Later

Walking to Hen's house with a box full of weapons that Char is holding.

"Wait! Are you sure about this?"

"Well, somebody's gotta drive us to Beta Maximus!"

"I know, but...Piper?"

"She has a driver's license and Tess doesn't have one yet."

"Yeah, which the DMV sent her by accident."

"Whatever, she's a legal driver and that's what we need! Unless you wanna get your Uncle Rosco to drive us."

"You know my Uncle Rosco can't fit in a car!" How big is Char's uncle that he can't fit in a car?

"Then let's go in!" We head in and see Piper eating lunch.

"Hey Piper."

"Oh, hi Charlotte."

"Hey."

"Tessa." Still getting use to other people that weren't my mother calling me Tessa.

"Hey Piper."

"What?" Char sets the box down on the couch.

"We uh, found this package on your porch." And they chose this as the lie we're going with.

"And it's addressed to you."

"Okay. Well, I just started eating a hamburger, so I'll open it when I'm done." Jasp whispers something in Char's ear.

"Uh, but Piper...uh, they-they say that when you know you have a package, it's bad luck if you wait to open it." And bad lie #2.

"Yeah. I've never heard that." Jasp grabs Piper's lunch without her knowing that it's being taken from her.

"Well, I think it's true. And uh...look at this box." And Jasp puts the burger in his pants. Ew! Jasp!

"What about it?"

"It's like...brown."

"Yeah, uh, I'm not opening it 'til after I finish my hamburger."

"Okay..." Piper turns to look at her plate to see it's gone.

"Wait! Where did it go?" Piper tries to look for her burger.

"Umm..."

"Ooo Piper! I just saw that this package says: 'From the office of Captain Man.'"

"Seriously? What do you think it is?!?"

"Uh, we have no idea."

"Yeah, it's not like we had anything to do with that package." Bad lie #3.

"We just found it." #4. Piper opens it and finds something.

"Ooo, a letter from Captain Man!"

"Oh! Whaaaat???"

"Whoa whaaaat???"

"'Dear Piper Hart. Since you're the president of my fan club, the Man Fans, I need your help.'" Huh, Uncle Ray must have reinstated her as the president of the fan club.

"Oh my God, he wants my help!"

"Wow!"

"Keep reading!"

"Yeah yeah...'Kid Danger and I might be in trouble, so please bring the weapons in the box to that old movie rental place, Beta Maximus.'"

"Oh!"

"Well, wow." Piper looks in the box again.

"Whoooaaa! One of Captain Man's actual blasters!"

"Uh yeah okay, be careful with that."

"Well c'mon, let's bring the box of weapons and get there fast!"

"'Kay! I'll go grab the keys to my dad's mini van!" Piper goes to grab the keys. This is not going to be a fun car ride.

One Car ride later

We get to Beta Maximus, finally. We get the weapons and head in. We see Jeff taking pics of Uncle Ray and Hen. We point our weapons at Jeff.

"God, I hate you so much!"

"All right, freeze, Jeff!"

"What the?!?"

"Oh boy."

"Who are you?"

"While Captain Man and Kid Danger are stuck in those holes, I'm in charge."

"No, I am."

"No, you're the designated driver!"

"Okay, I don't know where you brats came from, but you better get outta here, unless you want me to put you in holes, like I did with Captain Man and Kid Danger." I doubt he did that. There would be more holes if he did that to Hen and Uncle Ray.

"Okay, he did not put us in these holes!"

"We fell through these rotten old wooden floors!"

"We are a victim of wood rot!" That, I believe since the store has been abandoned for years.

"Liars! They oughta call you guys Captain Liar and Fib Danger!" He is definably their idiot criminal.

"All right Jeff! Put your back behind your hands!" That doesn't make sense.

"Other way."

"Put your hands behind your back!" That's better.

"No!"

"Well...if ya don't, I'ma' blast you with this!"

"Son, don't blast anyone, just call the police."

"Yeah, son."

"Hey kid! I'm gonna sit on Captain Man...with my butt!"

"No you're not! Jeff!"

"Look at this..."

"Jeff!"

"I'm squatting... I'm comin' back slowly..."

"Blast him! Blast him now!"

"Do it!"

"Blast him! Blast hiimmm!!!" Jasp blasts himself in the face.

Chapter Text

Tess

Jasp blasts himself in the face. I love my brother, but even an idiot like Jeff wouldn't do that! Jasp falls to the ground.

"Come on!"

"Come on, get up!" Char and Piper try to get Jasp up. Looks like he's down for the count, right now.

"Ha! Now I've defeated three dudes!"

"All right, that's it."

"Uh, Piper, I don't know--"

"Hey Skunk-bag!" Piper and I start shooting and Jeff is ducking.

"AAHHHHHHH!!!"

"Oww!"

"Hey! Hey!"

"Piper, Tess, C'mon, follow me!" We follow Char.

"Girls, be careful with those weapons. "

"And remember, Jeff is very stupid."

"I heard that!"

"Shhhhh!!!" We sneak around.

"All right, Jeff--where are you?" We find Jeff and start screaming and shooting. Jeff gets one of our weapons and we start to chase him.

"Where'd he go?!?"

"I dunno! And where's your blaster?!?"

"Ha!!!"

"Ahhhh!!!"

"Don't move!!! Yeah...sorry girls...you're about to get stun-burned."

"No Jeff!"

"Don't do it, Jeff!"

"Ahhhhh!" Jeff tries to shoot, but it's dead.

"Ah dang, it's outta battery!"

"Quick, Piper, Tess! Grab some of these antique video rectangles!"

"'Kay-Kay!"

"They're call VHS Tapes." We stand on some boxes and start to throw VHS Tapes at Jeff.

"Yeah! That's it! VHS power!"

"You go!"

"A'ahhh! This is the worst!" We keep throwing until Jeff goes down, or at least I stop when Jeff goes down.

"Okay! I think that--"

"All right..."

"I think he gets it, guys..."

"That's enough..."

"Just two more. Take Flash Dance!"

"And Gandhi!" Char and Piper stop.

"Sorry Gandhi."

"Sometimes violence IS the answer." Jasp wakes up and gets up.

"Ah...what hit me?"

"You hit yourself."

"Classic Jasper." I help Jasp up.

"All right, I'm calling the fire department to get you two outta those holes."

"Good. And tell 'em to hurry before I pee in my Captain Pants!"

"No! First...call a pizza place before I die of hunger!" You would have to go without food for a very long time and you haven't eaten in maybe a couple of hours? Maybe later.

"You really want me to call--"

"Wait-wait! If you're hungry, I got food in my pants!" Jasp takes the burger he took from Piper earlier out of his pants and hands it to Hen.

"Ah...Here!"

"What the...?"

"My hamburger!"

"Gross! I'm not gonna eat a hamburger that was in your..." Hen starts to eat the said burger. Char does call the fire depatement and they get Uncle Ray and Hen out of those holes. They change back and go do what their bodies have been saying they needed to do for God knows how long. Weird day.

Days later-Man Cave

Uncle Ray, Hen, Jasp, and Schwoz are packing care packages to send to the Swellview Home for Runway Teens.

"Pocket knife..."

"Succulent..."

"Bag a'noddles..."

"Binky..."

"Protractor..."

"Moth balls..."

"Lighter fluid..."

"Chinese crayons."

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyy!!!" They're done with that box, onto the next one. Why are they packing those items in there?

"All right...Pocket knife..."

"Succulent..."

"Bag a'noodles..."

"Binky..."

"Protractor..."

"Moth balls..."

"Lighter fluid..."

"Chinese crayons."

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyy!!!" The elevator door opens, which means Char's here? I thought she left.

"Hey guys."

"Hey, Char."

"Oh hey, Charlotte."

"Hey, Charlotte."

"Wait, I thought you were having dinner with your parents tonight."

"I did. I just came back 'cuz I forgot my sweater."

"Ohhhh, your sweater..."

"Oh, sweater."

"Pocket knife..."

"Succulent.."

"Bag a'noodles..."

"Binky..."

"Uh, hey...what are you guys doin'?"

"Ah, we're putting together care packages."

"Mhm. And then we're gonna send them to the Swellview Home for Runway Teens."

"Protractor..."

"Moth balls--"

"Woah woah, hold up."

"What?"

"What now?"

"The Swellview Home for Runaway Teens shut down. It closed."

"Wha--well, what happened to all the runaway teens?"

"They ran away." Which means something went on in that home that they try to cover up but, ended shutting down because of it.

"What!?"

"Dang it."

"I can't believe we wasted all this time."

"Well, uh, maybe we can give this stuff to another charity."

"No, no, what's the point? They're just gonna run away, too. Let's just throw all this junk in a dumpster."

"Yeah, just throw it away."

"Throw it away!"

"Come on! We don't have to toss it all out--" Why is the computer going off?

"Hey, looks like we're getting a video message."

"I'll check it out."

"Schwoz, clean up all this junk."

"Aye aye. Uh hey, Jasper...you clean up all this junk." Schwoz..."

"But-but Ray told you to do it."

"What did you say?"

"Why don't I clean up the junk?"

"I thought so."

"Let's see...looks like it's a video from..." The person who sent it's face pops up.

"It's from Frankini!!!" He sent us a video? Why?

"What?!"

"Who?" Of course, Uncle Ray doesn't know who Frankini is.

"Frankini?! I wanna see!"

"Hey hey!" Jasp takes the laser and points it at Schwoz.

"Ayyyeeee!"

"Yeah, now you clean up the junk."

"Okay okay!"

"C'mon, c'mon, play the video!"

"Yeah, show us Frankini!"

"Okay, gimme a second, it's gotta download!" The video begins to download.

"Hey, Jasper!" We look over to the tubes and see Schwoz in the tube...

"Up your tube!" Schwoz starts to go up.

"Hahaha! You missed me!"

"So uh...who's Frank Pini?" Close enough, I guess.

"Ulch..."

"Oh my gosh!"

"Frankini."

"How can you not know?"

"Mmmm...It's not his fault, it's just 'cuz he's old." Rude, but kinda true.

"Mmm...yeah..."

"Ya' know..."

"Excuse me?"

"Hmm? What?"

"Oh I didn't--Look, I didn't mean it like you were too--"

"I'm not old! I'm like a kid! I'm like a big kid!"

"Yeah I mean, I mean, I mean, you're young, you're you're very very very very young."

"That's right I'm young. When I send text messages, I use emojis. And I don't use capital letters or decent punctuation. I have sneakers that light up in the back!"

"Do you want us to tell you who Frankini is?"

"Yes..."

"He's one of the most famous people on the internet."

"He makes all these super funny videos that millions of people watch."

"Mhm, and he lives somewhere here in Swellview."

"Oh...ohhh...you guys are talkin' about Frankini. Yeah, I know who Frankini is. Hehe...I'm not old."

"Just play the video."

"Here it comes..." Char plays the video.

"Emergency! Emergency! Holy ravioli, it's an emergency! Woah! Woah! Woah! Woah! Woah! Woah! Ahhhhh!!!!"

"What has the world come to?"

"Just kidding!!! I'm having a party!!! And you're invited..."

"YES!"

"Ahhhh!"

"...Captain Man and Kid Danger!" Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

"YES!"

"Nooooo."

"Aw, c'mon, don't be upset, guys, at least me and Ray get to go! Play, play, play play play..." Char plays the video again.

"So! My private party's gonna be this Saturday night at the Frankini Klub! And there's gonna be snacks and beverages and party games and fresh fruits and a bear and a hammock and cheese. Ohhhh!!! Digital fireworks!" Digital fireworks appear on the screen.

"What's wrong with that guy?"

"I really like fireworks. Oh...okay, so see you guys at my party! Text you the address! B-Y-Yo-Selves! Aaaaaaaaaaaaand POOF!" We clap and the video ends.

"Hahaha...Sweet..."

"Okay! Looks like it's gonna' be me and Ray this Saturday--Ahhhh no no no no no no no! Gah dang my life!" What happened?

"What's wrong?"

"What's the matter?"

"Ah, I gotta' babysit my dumb sister this Saturday." Piper!

"You mean Piper?"

"What? No...I mean my dumb sister Bacon."

"Okay, well that wasn't nice. But, since you're my bud, I will babysit Piper this Saturday so you can go to Frankini's party."

"Ah thanks, but I don't think my parents are gonna trust one of my friends to watch Piper."

"Oh yeah, mhm..."

"Ya' know?"

"Well, if you want? And if Tess is ok with it, we can babysit Piper."

"I don't mind babysitting the sister."

"You will?!? Thank you! Oh my God!" Hen hugs both Char and me. I think we know who Hen prefers for babysitting the sister.

"Hurts, doesn't it?"

"Okay Ray, looks like it's gonna be you and me this Saturday night, partyin' it up with Frankini!"

"Yeah. That party's gonna be off the hizno!" Not even close.

"Haha...off the what?"

"The hizno! You know? Off the hizno, yo."

"That's not an expression."

"Yes, it is. I heard some teenagers say it at the mall."

"We don't go to malls anymore."

"We shop online."

"Unless your uncle drags you to the mall to try to bond with you."

"Uh...That's a lie! And I say that Frankini's party is gonna be off the hizno!"

"That's not a thing."

"It's a thing now! We'll do it live! And it's a thing now!"

"Nope, still not a thing."

"The hiz, to the no, baby!"

"Ray..."

"The-the hizzy to the nozy!"

"Please stop, Uncle Ray."

"Okay, now you just sound insane."

"Well look it's already 9:00, so I'm gonna go to bed."

"Love you."

"Maybe I don't wanna be loved by you right now!" I just roll my eyes.

"Love you, Uncle Ray." Uncle Ray stops for a moment.

"Love you too, Tessa." Uncle Ray walks away and to his sprocket.

Saturday-Hart House

Char rings the doorbell and Mrs. Hart already in the car, waiting for Mr. Hart.

"There's someone at the door!"

"Will you get it?"

"I can't. I'm watching pimples pop." Ew.

"Ahhh..." Mr. Hart opens the door.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"Henry's not here."

"We know--we're here to babysit Piper."

"Piper doesn't need a babysitter."

"You do too! Come in, Charlotte and Tessa."

"Thanks." Char and I walk into the house.

"Oww!!!"

"Ohhhh gross! It hit the mirror!"

"Um, what is this?"

"Ah! That's my handball rag." I don't want to know.

"Uh, uh what?"

"I use that when I sweat. I sweat a lot." Ok, ew again. Char tosses the rag to Mr. Hart and sanitizes her hand.

"I'm coming!!!"

"Dude, you better go."

"Dude, I know!"

"Oh wait!!! Is there anything Tess and I should know before you leave?"

"Oh, uh, yeah, you have our neighbor's phone number?"

"No."

"Do you know where the first aid kit is?" No, but I'm sure we'll find it on our own.

"Uh, I don't.

"Oh uh, all right, uh, do you know how to use the fire extinguisher?"

"No, where is it?"

"I do, and I'm sure I'll find it later."

"You girls have fun!" Mr. Hart closes the door and leaves.

"Wait but..."

"Aww more goo!"

"Ahhh! Eww! Gross!" I hope Uncle Ray and Hen are having fun at Frankini's party.

Later

Watching another pimple popping video with Piper and Char. We also ordered pizza from Hey, Pizza.

"Squeeze it! C'mon squeeze it!"

"No! No! Don't squeeze it!"

"No! Don't! No!" Why are we watching this then if you don't want them to pop it? They pop it and it's gross.

"Ahhh!!!"

"Aye Dios mio!"

"Ahaha! Now let's watch this one."

"No! No! Please! No more pimple popping videos."

"Okay! You don't have to watch--"

"No! I wanna watch."

"Well do you! Or don't you?"

"I don't."

"Yeah...No...I don't know! What have you done to me?!"

Later again

Jasp walks in the door with a robe on. Why is he here?

"Hey, you guys."

"Henry's not here."

"He knows that. Hey...what's up?"

"Oh, well, I was gonna hit the town tonight...y'know, check out the action..."

"Uh-huh..."

"But in the middle of my shower, a water pipe broke at my house. So, I came here." Iris or Hugo are going to have to call a handy man later if that really happen.

"And did that really happen? Or were you just feeling lonely, so you came over here 'cuz you had nothing to do?"

"Ooo, pizza." Jasp takes off the robe. Why is Piper's laptop beeping?

"Wha--uh hey, you got an alert."

"Huh? Ooo! Frankini's about to start a live-stream!"

"Interestiiing."

"Yeah... I wonder if Frankini's gonna have any 'special guests' on the live-stream."

"Well, we're about to find out." Piper pulls up the livestream and we see Frankini, Uncle Ray, and Hen...

Chapter Text

Tess

Piper pulls up the livestream and we see Frankini, Uncle Ray, and Hen... Where is everyone else and why are Uncle Ray and Hen in weird pants?

"You guys! Captain Man and Kid Danger are with Frankini!"

"Ooo..."

"Wow." We watch the livestream.

"Okay! Welcome to a surprise live-stream, with my insanely special guests, Captain Man and Kid Danger!" Are they being controlled?

"Ahhhehhhh..."

"Ah ah ah ah..."

"What are Kid Danger and Captain Man wearing?"

"I dunno."

"Now, to entertain you...my friend Captain Man has asked if he and Kid Danger can perform a scene from their favorite movie: A Swim To Forget." Please don't let it be that scene. The scene begins.

"Wait, what is happening?"

"Why would they be doing a scene from THAT movie?"

"And now, a scene from A Swim To Forget."

"Oh no! Tiffany! No! Come here. Oh! Come on! Oh baby...stay with me..." Of course, it's that scene.

"I'm so cold...hold me..."

"Well, why did you go swimming? You know you can't swim."

"Lance?"

"What?"

"Lance, are you there?"

"Yeah I'm here baby, I'm here...I'm here..."

"I feel myself...slipping away."

"No! No don't! Don't no! Please! Let her live! It's not her fault she swum!" It's swam and I don't know how much of this I can watch before I breakdown crying. My eyes start to tear up.

"I just...I just wanted to give you...a swim to remember..."

"Instead, you've given me...a swim to forget." Hen and Uncle Ray are both crying in scene.

"Oh Lance! This is so bad!"

"Ohhhh, you're all wet inside!"

"Oh, Lance! Why?" I'm crying at a train wreck!

"Okay, WHY are they doing that?"

Later

That train wreck scene is over.

"...that's right, we already have 6.5 million people watching, right now! And when we get to 10 million...Guys, tell 'em what's gonna happen!"

"We will take off our masks..." WHAT!!!

"...and reveal our identities." I knew there was something off when Frankini sent Uncle Ray and Hen that invite to his party!

"To the world."

"Whaaaat?!?"

"Whoooaahhh!"

"Captain Man and Kid Danger would never take off their masks!" Meaning that something else is up, because A. Uncle Ray and Hen wouldn't reveal their identities, and B. They seriously would never do that scene from A Swim To Forget willingly.

"I-I know!"

"What's happening?!?"

"I dunno, but uh...Just gimme a sec..." Char grabs Jasp's hand and Jasp grabs my hand.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"We'll be right back!!!" We get to the door. Char opens the door and pushes Jasp out of the door.

"Hey! D'ah..." I walk out the door and Char follows behind. Char closes the door.

"Why would Henry and Ray do something like--"

"Shh, just let me talk."

"But if they take off their masks then everyone'll know--"

"Just listen okay?"

"I but--"

"Don't talk, just listen to me! Okay, you stay here with Piper. Tess and I are going to go to the Man Cave, find Schwoz, and try to figure out what's goin' on with Ray and Henry! Okay? Okay?!? JASPER!!!"

"You told me not to talk!" She did say that. Char and I head for the Man Cave.

Man Cave

We get down to the Man Cave and see Schwoz watching the livestream. Why are they now scrubbing toilets?

"Schwoz!"

"Shhh, wait wait, I'm watching."

"Ooo, I know that might be fun to see! Boys, why don't you stop scrubbing those toilets, and instead, brush your teeth! Tada!" He cannot be serious. Uncle Ray and Hen start to brush their teeth with the toilet brushes. Ok, this is now just gross.

"Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!"

"Schwoz! That's not funny! How can you sit there, polishing your head and laughing?!?"

"Well, I'm polishing my head because I like to keep it soft and shiny. And I'm laughing 'cuz Ray and Henry are doing comedy like Suh-turdy Night Loff." Saturday Night Live, Schwoz. It's Saturday Night Live.

"You mean 'Saturday Night Live?'"

"Ooo, you say it better."

"Ulch--move..."

"Aye!" Char moves Schwoz out of the way, and sits in the chair.

"Okay, something's wrong. Henry and Ray would never willingly go online without their superhero pants! And...look at their eyes!" What's going on?

"Oh yahhhh. Hmmm...Now you move." Schwoz moves Char out of the way.

"What? Ahh!" Schwoz backs up the footage. Schwoz pauses and zooms in on the footage. What is that device?

"Ahhh! Yes. Look...look at that thinga-majiggy."

"What is that?"

"It's called a Domitron--it's illegal in America. And everywhere that's not America."

"Well, what does a 'Domitron' do?"

"Well...Ohh...How can I dumb this down for you?" Schwoz... Schwoz stands up and moves Char a little to the side.

"You--You make a person wear special clothing that's been uh bombarded with atomic particle waves...and then, the Domitron connects to the clothing, and sends electronic waves into a person's body, and then you can control their brain waves and their moosles, and make thme do or say anything you want." Ok, that just gave me a really bad idea if I had control over Hen via the Domitron. I like him that way, but not to the point of doing that to him.

"Whoa."

"Yah whoa. Basically, it turns a person into a poopay." Puppet. The word is puppet.

"A...a what?"

"A poopay. You know: peh-oo-peh-peh-eh-teh. Poopay."

"A puppet. He means puppet."

"You mean it turns someone into a puppet."

"Ooom you two say it better."

Later

The Livestream is still going on. Now they're beauty queens?

"Okay, live streamers! We are so close to 10 million people watching! So now, I say it's time for a beauty pageant question! Doesn't that sound like a hoo-ha?"

"Yes."

"It sure does."

"A hoo-ha."

"Hoooo-haaaaa." Schwoz is trying to find where Klub Frankini is at.

"Will you hurry up and locate his club so we can go help them?"

"I'm trying."

"Captain Man and Kid Danger...recent polls have shown that a fifth of the people who live here in Swellview cannot locate their own uvulas. Why do you think that is?" That poll does not surprise me about this town. Even though, a uvula is the hangy thing in the back of our throats.

"Well...we personally believe...that Swellview-Americans are unable to do so, uh...because..." I don't want to know why both Uncle Ray and Hen sound like airheaded beauty pageant girls.

"Because uh...some people here in Swellview...don't have uvulas, so..."

"And uh...we believe that our education...such as...like such as..."

"Uhhh such as..."

"Um uh... and we think that Swellview, should help... the uh South Africa...and the Iraq...and...the Asian countries..."

"What is it, Goomer? I'm in the middle of a live-stream!" The tall man named Goomer picks Frankini up to I think show him something. Frankini's losing viewers...I have a feeling that a certain little pain in the butt girl is the one behind why Frankini's losing viewers. Way to go, Piper.

Later

"Oh hellooooooooo! What have I been doing? Oh, I've been putting worms in a food processor!" Ok, that is gross!

Ha...mmm...And now...worm dip!" Frankini blends up the worms. What's more gross, Worm dip or brushing your teeth with a toilet brush that was in a said toilet? Frankini laughs while it blends. After it blends, he dumps the mixture into a bowl. Worm dip is grosser than the toilet brushing. Frankini takes the dip bowl to a table where Uncle Ray and Hen are sitting...

"There! I think it's time for Captain Man and Kid Danger to have a little snack! Right boys?"

"Yes. We want to eat...worm dip."

"On toast points." Uncle Ray and Hen eat the worm dip.

"Ohoho oho! All right fan boys and girls...have fun watching this appe-teaser! But remember: when we hit 10 million viewers, Captain Man and Kid Danger are going to remove their masks, and reveal their true identities! Ahahahahaha! Haaa!"

"Yay worm dip!"

"I like these worms!"

"I'm glad this is happening!"

"I'm doing this because I want to."

"Worms!!! Ahhhh..."

"What are we gonna do?!? We can't let Frankini make Henry and Ray take off their masks!"

"I know! Grab that cream and come polish my head!" Really, now Schwoz!?

"Wh...whyyy?"

"It helps me concentrate! Hurry!"

"Okay!" Char grabs the polish cream and starts to polish Schwoz's head.

"Nooo...rub in circles!"

"Okay!" Char rubs counterclockwise.

"Clockwise!"

"Ahhhhh!" He's almost close. Too dangerously close! He's now at 10 million...We better hurry before it's too late!

"Oh my God. I did it! I am the most popular live-streamer on the entire h-world h-wide h-web!" So, he has a speech impediment.

"I mean, you stream me! You really really stream me! Thank you! Get off...Get off me. And nowww...as promised...it's time for Captain Man and Kid Danger to remove their masks!" Hen and Uncle Ray stand up.

"They're about to take off their masks!!!"

"I'm almost ready!!!"

"To do what?!?"

"To shut off all the power in Swellview!"

"What?!? Wh...why?!?"

"Because if there's no electricity, the Domitron will stop working!"

"But...ooo, that's smart!" Duh! Uncle Ray and Hen are about to take off their masks. Come on, Schwoz! Before it's too late!

"Aaaaaand.... NOW!!!" Everything goes dark. Did it work?

Chapter Text

Tess

Everything goes dark. Did it work? Char calls Hen. Hopefully it worked.

"Hey."

"Henry! Are you and Ray okay?!?"

"Yeah, we're cool--but only 'cuz the power went out."

"That was me! I did that!"

"Well, I'm the one who rubbed cream on your head."

"And I'm the one who kept an eye on the livestream."

"Okay okay, whatever, it worked. Okay? And...go ahead and turn the power back on now."

"Aye." Schwoz turns everything back on.

"Hey, it's Jasp--I'll hit ya back."

"'Kay-kay."

"All right..." Hen hangs up. I'm glad that it worked. Char looks at me.

"Hey Tess."

"Yea?"

"Earlier, you were crying at Ray and Henry doing that scene from A Swim To Forget. Why were you crying at that?" Shit, I forgot that only Jasp knows about my crush on Hen.

"Teresa cried at the scene too?"

"Yea." Ok, they were bound to find out about this sooner or later.

"If I tell you two, will you please not tell anyone about this?"

"Uh, sure." Here goes nothing.

"I'm in love with Henry." Char and Schwoz seem shocked. Actually, Char seems more shocked than Schwoz.

"You're in love with Henry?!?!"

"Yea."

"How knows about this?"

"Jasper, and now you two."

"Does Ray know about your crush?"

"Not yet."

"Are you ever going to tell Henry?"

"Not in the foreseeable future...Or never."

"What do you 'Or never?'"

"You two or at least Char know about my history with superheros, and I don't know if we could make it as a couple."

"Do you want us to tell him?"

"No! Just don't tell Uncle Ray about me being in love with his sidekick before I'm ready to tell him. Ok?"

"Ok." Both seem to drop the conversation after that.

Later

We tune into Piper's livestream. That is a huge fake pimple.

"Wow...I am so pumped that we have over 11 million people watching this live-stream right now, to see the eruption of the biggest pimple of all time!"

"I'm Jasper."

"Ready? One...two...three!" The pimple pops. Oh, so that's what they did with Frankini.

"Ohhh!!! Oho! Why did you pop it!?!"

"Hahahaha! It's funny because it's gross."

"How long do I have to keep doing this?"

"Rub faster!" Char rubs faster.

"Payback is a zit! Okay, stop the pus. Stop the pus! Stop the pus! Stop the pus! Ahahahah...ewwww..." This was a long night.

Couple of days later-Man Cave

Schwoz is taking pictures of Uncle Ray and Hen in their hero costumes with some beach items. Now, that conversion of Uncle Ray making Hood Danger official has not made any progress. Uncle Ray keeps saying no, but it's getting less so, it could be possible that he is changing his mind. Hopefully.

"Okaaaay...a few more...ah..."

"All right."

"Grrrr..." Char is also in some beach clothes for this photo shoot.

"Oh hey! Wave to the girls! Hey look at all those hot girls on the beach! Hi girls!"

"Hey girls..."

"Hey girls!"

"Hey girls."

"Come on, get into it."

"What? I am."

"You wanna get into showing in front of the girls..."

"You're embarrassing me in front of girls that don't exist."

"Ah, c'mon! Show me some emotion! Ah...Give me some feels baby!"

"Yeah, c'mon Henry--we're on the beach in Hawaii!"

"No, we're not. I feel dumb."

"Hey! Do you have any idea how people wish that they were gonna be featured in the new Swellview calendar?"

"Well go find them! I don't wanna do this! Why can't Tess do this?"

"Hey look everybody, Charlotte's complaining--that's fresh. Also, I don't want random people looking at my niece that way." But, you'll allow random people to look at Charlotte that way. Okay, Uncle Ray. Why is the hotline alarm going off?

"Hey...hotline call."

"Yeah. Schwoz, Charlotte, Tessa, get over there so you won't be seen." We move the beach stuff out the way. Char, Schowz, and I get out of the sight line of the camera.

"Hey!" As Uncle Ray threw a towel onto Char. Uncle Ray answers the call.

"This Captain Man and Kid Danger." Uncle Ray taps Hen to show that he still has the flower in his hair. Hen takes it off.

"Uhhh...what-what is your emergency?" Minyak shows up on the screen. He got out of prison? When?... Stupid question. Wait, I don't think they put him back in prison after we defeated them alongside Thunderman's twins a year ago. I think...

"Actually, it's your emergency."

"Minyak."

"Doctor Minyak." Close enough dude.

"Pfftt. You're no doctor. You're just evil." Unless he got a doctorate in something.

"Uhhh, those two things aren't mutually exclusive, you know."

"What does...what does that mean?"

"It means a person can be a doctor and evil, all at the same time." Drill Finger was a dentist, doctor for teeth, until he turned evil.

"Yeah, well nobody likes you--" Hen pulls Uncle Ray down away from the camera.

"Ah hey! What are you doing?"

"I think Doctor Minyak is at my house!" Duh!

"Okay...Is your mom home?!?"

"No. Why?"

"I don't know... I just think about her a lot." I really need to tell Uncle Ray about my crush on Hen, in case I do ever confess to Hen and we make it as a couple. Mrs. Hart might be my future mother-in-law, and it's going to be gross if my uncle is horning on my future mother-in-law.

"What? Ray!"

"Hey now! Where did you go?!? I demand attention!" At least he's honest. Uncle Ray and Hen stand up and turn back to Minyak.

"Alright Minyak, where are you?"

"Uh, who, me? Ohhh, I just happen to be at the house of the president of your Man Fans." Minyak shows Piper on the screen. Oh, her and whoever else in the house right now are screwed if we can't stop Minyak.

"Piiiiiiii..." You almost revealed to your sister that you're Kid Danger, Hen. Watch it!

"Wait, what was that? What did he say?"

"Uh, I think he was gonna say piiiiiiiiiiii...iiiiiiineapple."

"Pineapple!"

"Guess who loves pineapple?"

"Yeah, I love pineapple."

"This one loves it!"

"Yeah this is all pineapple!"

"Or he could have been talking about the number Pi, 3.14...y'know that's Pi..."

"Oh, yeah... 3.1415926535..."

"8675309, Jenny's got your number."

"-then it just keep going..."

"Gotta make you mine..."

"Lyrics. Yeah..." As they just quoted lyrics from 867-5309 / Jenny by Tommy Tutone.

A little later

Yes, this has been going on for a little while now.

"Okay Minyak..."

"Mmmmmm??

"We know exactly where you are."

"So you just wait right there like a good little jerk, and we'll be there in a few minutes, with our fists."

"Four fists."

"Yeah. It's gonna be a real fistival."

"A what?"

"Wait what, what'd you say?"

"I said fistival. Y'know like a festival? But with fists."

"Oh God, that's so stupid."

"Is not! You're stupid!"

"Hey hey, y'know what you should've said?"

"No."

"You coulda said: I hope you're thirsty, 'cuz we're bringing some punch."

"Ah, yes! Punch. That's very clever."

"I'm so bored."

"Maybe we should leave."

"Nah, they're gonna need us eventually."

"Just c'mon, let's go attack Minyak."

"Let's do it."

"Noooo! If you two super zeros don't stay right where you are, This kid FLIES." Minyak shows us Piper strapped to a chair with balloons on it?

"Help! He's got a Hebrew Meter!"

"Heliometer!" I thought that got destroyed.

"Wait wait wait...what do you mean the kid flies?"

"Yeah, what do mean flies?"

"You see, if I use this to blast the helium in those balloons, it will geometrically increase their heely-osity, and then your president will fly straight up, through the ceiling, and she won't stop until she hits the moon." He's not being serious, is he?

"The moon!?!"

"All right now--"

"Okay, you listen to me Doctor Minyak, if you hurt that girl, you're dead meat. Not--not that I know that girl...personally. I just care so much 'cuz it's my job to care...about people...like that girl in that chair who I do not know." You were so close to revealing that you're Kid Danger to Piper.

"No, you listen! For the next three hours, my minions will be traveling all over Swellview--robbing, stealing, burgling, all the evil gerunds. And the two of you will do nothing to stop me. Because I'm watching you, Kid Danger and Captain Man. And if you leave my view...The girls flies."

"Hup...Oof." I love Jasp dearly, but now is not the time for him to be a hero.

"Fine...we'll just call the police."

"If you call the police...The girl flies."

"G'ah! Thought that was gonna work."

"Yes...There there there...Chu chu...Yes! Hahahahaha!"

"You'll never get away with this, Minyak!"

"Yesss! Yessss!"

"Um...is this yours?"

"No."

"'Kay."

Later

This has been going on for a couple hours now.

"Now! I want Jimbo to rob the Inside Out Burger Restuarant on Doheny. And I want Rico to break into the funeral home and steal all their snacks!" Char, Schwoz, and I sneak around without Minyak seeing us.

"Guys! Guys! Psst! Psst!"

"PBBTTHHPPPBBBTHHBTHH!"

"Geez!"

"Gross!"

"Ew, Schwoz!"

"You sprayed in my face!"

"Just listen, Schwoz and I think we know a way that you can go stop Doctor Minyak."

"We can't 'go' anywhere."

"We have to stay here."

"Nooo...Doctor Minyak just has to think you're here."

"But how can we uh--"

"Shhh! Just wait there."

"We'll be back."

"Wait! What? Will you--will you tell us what the plan is?" We sneak away. Schwoz and Char get started on how Uncle Ray and Hen can go stop Doctor Minyak but, also make it seem like they're still here. I stay here.

"What are you two talking about?"

"Uhhh..."

"Uhhh..."

"Just, just cheese."

"Cheeses!"

"Yeah. Cheeses that we enjoy."

"Yeah, I'm into cheddar."

"I like Manchego--a hard Spanish cheese."

"Well, I hate cheese. Especially Spanish ones that are hard. And I hate you."

"Ah."

"Fair enough."

"We appreciate the feedback."

Later

Char is heading to the Hart House to distract Minyak. Yes, that is all apart of a plan created by Schwoz and Char. Hopefully, this goes well and we don't lose Piper. Char calls Schwoz.

"Hey Schwoz. I'm at Henry's house. You ready?"

"Yeah. Go ahead and distract Minyak."

"Got it. Bye." Char hangs up. We hear the doorbell ring and Minyak goes and answers it. Good, he's distracted. Let's do this.

"Okay now! He's not looking! Quick! Hurry!" Uncle Ray and Hen step away from the camera.

"Okay, uh how does this work?!?"

"Yeah yeah, what does it do?!?"

"It will make Minyak think that you're still in the Man Cave. Now stand side by side and turn around! Hurry!!!"

"Okay, all right!"

"All right! All right!" Uncle Ray and Hen get strapped into the cardboard background. Again, Hopefully this will fool Minyak into thinking that Uncle Ray and Hen are still in the Man Cave.

This go across the whole way?"

"What? No!"

"No. No no no no no."

"This is the best you can do Schwoz? A poster and some belts?" Got any bright ideas, Uncle Ray? Minyak closes the door.

"That was so upsetting."

"And...Now! The call is projected on the monitor on the poster.

"Yesss...my two friends...being good little boys."

"It's working! Now hurry! Go rescue Piper and Jasper!"

"Right."

"Let's go." Uncle Ray and Hen start to walk before Minyak notices the change.

"Hmmm...Nurse Cohort, quick, come look at this..."

"Look at what?"

"The quality of the picture on this television. Isn't it fabulous?"

"I guess."

"Ahhh. I know--I bet it's one of those fork TV's."

"Fork?"

"Yes--very high resolution. Fork."

"Wait uhhh...I...I think you mean four K."

"Four K? Pfft, it's not French." Uncle Ray and Hen start moving again. Schwoz opens the elevator and I'm following them so they don't get hurt on the way to Hen's house. After a couple minutes, we pile in and head to Hen's house.

A couple of minutes

Char sees us.

"There you guys are! C'mon! Hurry! Hurry up!" Uncle Ray and Hen are still walking sideways.

"Where have you guys been?!?"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"What was that?!?"

"What?"

"Did I hear a little girl?!?"

"Uhhhhh..."

"No, that's uhhhh...that-that's just a...that's just a game we play. Here...in the Man Cave."

"Yeah! It's called uh, 'Little-Little Girl, Shush.'"

"Oh hey Captain man."

"Ah shhh little girl. See? Fun!" Most awkward thing I have ever seen them do.

"No more games!"

"Mm mm...No..."

"Sorry. So what are you gonna do now? Just go in there and get him?!?"

"No, that would be stupid."

"Nuh-uh. We'd never fit through the front door, expect for Tess."

"We have to go in the back way. "

"All right, go!" Here we go again. We walk around to the backyard and come in through the back door.

"Nooo...no way! You did?!?"

"What happened?"

"Maurice just broke into the home for the elderly and stole all the wheelchairs."

"Ahhhhh! That's wonderful!"

"Take that, elderly people!" Piper sees us in the window. Uncle Ray and Hen tell Piper to distract Minyak so we can sneak in.

"Hey! Doctor Minyak! Doctor Minyak! Yo! Over here! Look at me!!!"

"Wait, hold-hold on...Maurice, I'll call you back. Now, what is it?"

"Uh..."

"What do you want?"

"Ummm...Well, I was just curious..." We get into the house.

"Ummm...Are you and Nurse Cohort like a couple?"

"Ha!"

"Did you just laugh?" Uncle Ray grabs the photo of Mrs. Hart.

"Uh...yeah. I was just uh..." Hen takes the photo of Mrs. Hart away from Uncle Ray. I seriously need to tell him or else it's going to get awkward if Hen and I do end up together, and my uncle keeps hitting on my mother-in-law.

"Laughing at Captain Man and Kid Danger, on the TV." Hen and Uncle Ray stay in place.

"I don't see what's so funny about them."

"Sooo...have you and Nurse Cohort ever gone on a date?"

"Well...not an 'official' date. But, Nurse Cohort and I have one of those, 'will-they-won't-they' relationships."

"Mmmm...yeah, not really."

"What, are you going to pretend you don't have a little crush on me?"

"I don't have to pretend. I don't have any kinda crush on you."

"Well...why not?" This is getting sad.

"I mean, is it me?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Oh, I see. And who, pray tell...do you have a crush on?"

"Well..." Cohort is looking at the screen dreamily...She has a crush on Uncle Ray, doesn't she?

"Captain Man?!? Him?!?" Called it.

"Yeah, I think he's cute."

"She's not wrong."

"Oh, you shut up!" "

"Why don't you say that to my face."

"I just did."

"Uhhh...turn around."

"Turn around...Don't see the point of that." Minyak turns around in a full 360 circle.

"Turn around and keep your head up."

"Keep my head up...Now...haha..." Minyak turns around and sees Hen and Uncle Ray.

Chapter Text

Tess

Minyak turns around and sees Hen and Uncle Ray. Showtime.

"Surpriiiiiiiiise." All four of them have weapons.

"Ha! Now, drop your weapons! Or else I'll send your president up through the roof and somewhere over the rainbow where bluebirds die!" That's a little grim.

"Okay, we'll drop 'em."

"All right..." Hen and Uncle Ray put their weapons down and Jasp is in position to take Minyak down.

"Ha! I've won again! Yes!"

"Ahhhh!!!" Jasp takes Minyak down. Uncle Ray and Hen try to make a move for it but, now they're pinned by the weapon that Cohort is holding.

"Don't move!" One of the kids blows Piper's horn and crowd her into a chair and take her weapon.

"Ha! Nurse this!"

"No! Get her!"

"Come back, you coward!" The kids chase Cohort.

"C'mon, Kid! Let's take off this rig!"

"Let's do it!" Uncle Ray and Hen take the rig off. When did Char get in here? Char grabs the scissors out of the drawer.

"Hello!"

"What--" Char cuts Piper out of the chair.

"Ow! My ear!"

"Ahhhhhhhh!!!" Minyak throws Jasp down. It's personal now, asshole. I try to lunge for Minyak before Uncle Ray has Hen grab me. I try to wiggle out of his arms but, he's got a tight grip on me.

"Ha! You lost the grapple!" Char gets Piper out of the chair.

"Hey, you! Put the president back in that chair!"

"Disarm!" Uncle Ray disarms Minyak while Hen still has his grip on me.

"What the--You give me that back!"

"I don't want to."

"But I'll give you my palm."

"Your palm? What do you mean?" Hen palms Minyak in the forehead while he still has me in his grasp. Minyak falls into the chair that Piper was tied to.

"Nice face-palm."

"Thanks. Hey, can I borrow that a sec?"

"Sure."

"Thank you." Hen grabs the weapon while, again, he still has me in his grasp. Ok, Hen can let me go now!

"Hey, Minyak..."

"What...No no no no! No, don't use my own heliometer against me!"

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Well, it's too on-the-nose!"

"Tell it to the bluebirds."

"Over the rainbow." Hen shoots the balloons.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Ahh!" Minyak goes up.

"Despite this comeuppance, I'll be back. Evenruallyyyyyyy..." Mr. Hart walks in.

"Hey, I'm ho--" We all look at him and seriously, Hen! You can let me go now. Mr. Hart notices all the damage that has been done to the house.

"Okay...Is anyone I know dead?" Someone you know will be dead soon if he doesn't let me soon.

"Ok, Kid Danger, can you let me go now?"

"Uh, nah. I don't think I will."

"Captain Man."

"Let her go, Kid."

"Fine." Hen lets me go. Why does Hen look so disappointed? I doubt it's because of that. Is it?

A couple of days later

Watching Swellview's Got Talent in the Man Cave with Char, Jasp, and Schwoz.

"Good evening, and welcome to..."

"Swellview's Got Talent!"

"I'm Danny Chest."

"We love you, Danny Chest!"

"Allll right ladies, try to control yourselves."

"Now, let's take a minute to say hello to this week's celebrity judges! Starting with chair number one...everybody knows basketballs biggest superstar, LeBron James! So let's all welcome LeBron's childhood friend...Vanessa Harris! And next..."

"Hey hey hey, they're about to introduce the boys!"

"Ooo!"

"So exciting!"

"The guys filling judges' chairs numbers two and three are no strangers to anyone here in Swellview. Now give it up for Captain Man and Kid Danger!" We clap.

"Yeah!"

"Yeah!

"Hi Danny Chest."

"Hey Danny."

"Chest."

"Ahaha...All right then... Since we're nearing the end of this competition, do you guys think that any of the performers this week can beat our current front-runner?" They better since that guy gives me the creeps for some reason.

"Ooo...man, that's a tough one."

"That's uh, hard to say."

"That's a hard one."

"Um, if I had to say, I'd say no."

"'Cuz I could say yes, but the truth really is no. Unless you think..."

"But, I mean..."

"Naw. No no no no."

"Nope."

"Well, clearly our judges think that our current front-runner, Steven Sharp, is gonna be pretty tough to beat. And I'll show you why! C'mon out here, Steven!" Sharp comes out. For some reason, he gives me the creeps.

"Last week, this guy wowed us with his talent for throwing Cuban zip spikes. Can you give us a little taste of that again?"

"Of course. How about I throw one at camera two?"

"He-hey!"

"Fantastic!" Sharp throws one at camera two without even looking. He still gives me the creeps and I have a feeling it's not because of his weapons that give me the creeps about him. Everyone claps.

"Wow."

"Thank you! I'm Steven! Thank you for applauding my talent!" Sharp leaves the stage, so Chest can introduce the next performer.

"All right, let's bring out our first new performer of the evening. Please give an SGT welcome tooo...Harry Hoagie!" The performer comes out with a huge ass sandwich.

"Hey there Harry."

"What's up, Harry?"

"I used to know LeBron James."

"So, Harry...tell us what we're gonna see you do tonight."

"Well, I'm gonna eat this entire 6 foot submarine sandwich in less than sixty seconds."

"Okay! Sixty seconds on the clock!" A clock appears.

"Whooaaa...nice clock graphic."

"All right. Ready...set..."

"Go!" The guy is about to start to eat the said sandwich but, something goes a screwy.

"Ahhhhhhhhh... AHHHH!" The guy falls to the ground. What's going on?

"Okay! That's uh..."

"Don't, don't, clap right now."

"I was just trying to be supportive."

"No that was not supposed--"

"Sure that's not part of the..."

"Yes. Nope."

"Not supposed to happen." The behind-the-scenes crew drags the guy off stage.

"Okay...not sure what's wrong with Harry. But no worries! Because our next two performers are about to dance their way into your hearts: Here is Carl Markus and Piper Hart!" Piper and her dance partner come out to the stage.

"So, how long have you two been dance partners?"

"For about six months."

"And what's your favorite kind of dancing?"

"The kind that wins Swellview's Got Talent."

"All right, well kids, let's see what ya got!"

"Okay!" Piper and her dance partner start to dance.

🎵 Yeah watch me on the floor 🎵

🎵 Hey hey hey 🎵

🎵 Watch me on the floor 🎵

"No. No. Don't do that." Piper starts to act weird. What the fuck is going on?

"Ba baa ahhhh." Piper lands on the floor and her dance partner starts to act weird. He also lands on the floor. What's going on here? Chest comes back on the stage.

"Obviously a major malfunction."

"Again? 'Cuz that's what the last guy did."

The Next day-Man Cave

"Hey guys, come here!"

"Okay. What do you got?"

"All right. Check this out...Last night, Henry's sister and two other performers all freaked out in the exact same way. First, the sandwich guy..." Char replays the clip from last night.

"Ahhhh!" The clip ends.

"Just like Carl Markus and Henry's little sister did."

"Maybe they all got sick."

"Nah, Piper was fine right before the show, and she was totally fine right after." That's strange, because if they all got sick at the same time, they wouldn't feel great afterwards. Something is up and I have a feeling that Sharp may have a hand in that. I can't prove it, but I have a feeling that Sharp is the reason why all of them freaked out during their performances.

"Well, if they didn't get sick then somebody did something to them. But why?"

"And who?"

"And where?"

"At...at the show."

"Huh?"

"You said, you said where. Right? We-we know where. At the show."

"Okay, do you always have to criticize me when I'm trying to figure things out?"

"Wait what? I was just, I was just--"

"Y'know, sometimes a little encouragement would be helpful, y'know?" He is seriously doing this right now?

"A kind word? Maybe a hug?" He IS seriously doing this right now.

"Uh, I'm, I'm sorry. Here you...you wanna hug, let's, let's hug..."

"No not now, I don't want your hug now." I am not even going to hug him now because of this.

"What? Okay, you just said you wanted a hug. I'm gonna' give you a--"

"Yeah, when you WANT to, okay? I don't want a hug from you right after I tell you I want a hug. I only want it to happen 'cuz you wanna hug me, when it's your idea, not 'cuz I'd had to ask for it." That was seriously stupid.

"Anywaaaaaaaaaay... so what's our plan?"

"Well, they're letting the people who passed out last night perform again tonight."

"Oh. So, you and Ray will be there as judges, so just keep an eye out for anyone backstage--"

"No no no no bad idea bad idea."

"Pardon?"

"Henry and I are gonna be stuck at the judges table. So, we can't sneak 'backstage' to figure out what's goin' on, what's the matter with you?"

"Y'know...sometimes I like kind words and hugs, too."

"Oh grow up." You first.

"Well fine. Then let's hear your great idea."

"Sure. During the show, you and Schwoz sneak backstage, so you two can look around and try to figure out what's goin' on."

"Nah nah...they only let the stage crew and performers backstage."

"True. Charlotte, go buy yourself some boy dancing clothes."

"Huh?"

"Don't say huh just do it. Schwoz...go buy a blonde wig and a little girl's sequined jacket."

"Already got 'em!" Don't wanna know.

"Tessa, you'll dressed as one of the stage crew."

"Not even gonna ask why."

"Now?"

"Yeah, okay." Hen and Uncle Ray hug. Char and Schwoz hug. I get pulled into Uncle Ray and Hen's hug, by Hen. For some reason.

Later

I'm dressed up as one of the stage crew. There are a lot of performers tonight.

"We're gonna be live in five, people...we are live in fiver minutes. God, I love this headset." Uncle Ray and Hen or Captain Man and Kid Danger are back here. They better be careful.

"Hey, hey...there's my sister and her dance partner.'

"Right. Let's get over there." Uncle Ray and Hen walk over to Piper and her dance partner until Sharp with a ferret stops them.

"Excuse me, Captain Man...?"

"Uh. Yeah, what?"

"Uh, I'm Steven Sharp."

"Oh yeah, how ya doin'?"

"I'm talking to Captain Man." There something wrong with him. Mainly, why does he seem have a problem with Hen?

"Oh. Well okay."

"Uh...What is that?"

"Oh uh, this is my ferret, Fosset."

"Your ferret?"

"Fosset?"

"He brings me good luck when I rub him. And so I share my ferret with others, so that all may have good luck." There's something off with that statement. Mainly Sharp sharing his 'luck' ferret with others. What has he done before with that poor ferret?

"Cool. Well, see ya."

"Have a good one."

"I was talking to Captain Man!" Ok, What's his deal with Hen? Hen hasn't done anything to him and yet, Sharp is being an ass to him. Sharp walks away.

"Wow, okay." Uncle Ray and Hen walk over to Piper and her dance partner.

"Hey look, it's the president of the Man Fans."

"Oh hey Captain Man! I'm really sorry we spazzed out and fainted last night. I have no idea what happened. We just started dancing and the next thing.. wait what are you...?" Uncle Ray and Hen spray something in Piper and her partner's faces. Piper and her partner faint and they catch them. They strip them of their tags. They drag them to the curtain. Great, this feels like I'm watching a weird murder case. They hide the bodies.

"All right...There." Hen opens the door by the curtain.

"Charlotte, Schwoz, get in here." Char and Schwoz come out of whatever was that room they were in. Uncle Ray and Hen put the tags on Char and Schwoz.

"Okay...now you're Piper..."

"And you're Carl."

"Fine. But I am NOT going out there and dancing."

"No. You won't have to. We'll figure out who's sabotaging the performers before you guys are called to go on."

"Right, so just hang out back here and keep your eyes open. "

"We'll do it." Hen and Uncle Ray walk away until they're stopped by Jasp? Why is he here? I walk over there.

"Hey, where you two going?"

"Oh, we're judges. We're supposed to be out--"

"Wait...Jasper?!?"

"Yeah! Look! I'm here!"

"Aww."

"Why?!?"

"To help!"

"You're supposed to be at Junk 'N' Stuff watching the store! And we already have Tess helping us.

"Well, I wanna help solve this crime!"

"That's it, I'm gonna wreck this kid..."

"Wait no!" Hen stops Uncle Ray.

"Sixty seconds to air."

"You don't have time! Jasper, don't cause any problems! Tess, make sure Jasper doesn't cause any problems! All right?"

"I thought it was obvious that I would be pretty babysitting my brother."

"Do you guys like my beard?"

"Gi!"

"No. Hey hey hey!"

"Let me hurt him! Just let me hurt him!" Hen and Uncle Ray head out to the judges table.

"Okay people! Places! Take two! Hold the work! Real beard! All right?" I face palm at my brother. Jasp walks into the sandwich guy's sandwich, knocking it down.

"My sandwich!"

"I'm sorry! Uh here...just hold on uh, uh..." Jasp helps clean up the sandwich.

"Ohhh Jasper."

"In five...four...three...two..." The show starts.

"Hey-yo! And welcome again to..."

"Swellview's Got Talent!"

"All right. I'm Danny Chest."

"We love you Danny Chest!"

"Okaaay...Now, last night we had some problems here. So, tonight is gonna be a kind of 'do-over' type of deal. Sound good?" Everyone cheers.

"Cool, thanks for buyin' into the premise. Okay! First up, this guy can actually eat a...uh-huh...oh really? Apparently we had a 'sandwich sitch' backstage, so we're gonna show you that guy later. And instead, we're gonna start off the show with two amazing kid dancers: So let's bring 'em out! Carl Markus and Piper Hart!" Uh-oh! Other stage crew is trying to drag Char out there to perform with Schwoz.

"No no no...we're not supposed to go on 'til later!"

"There's been a change! You gotta go on now!"

"Okay! We're ready!" Schwoz heads to the stage.

"No, we're not!"

"Piper and Carl! On their way!"

"C'mon!" They drag Char to the stage. Why is Sharp running this way?

"Wait! Wait! The dancers need to pet my ferret for good luck before they perform!"

"There's no time!"

"We failed. Oh Fosset..." Jasp starts to stroke his beard until Sharp looks at him. Jasp looks in the other direction. Also, what did he mean by "We failed"?

"All right, let's give Piper and Carl some encouragement!" Char and Schwoz walk out to the stage. This isn't going to end well. A stagehand stops Char before she walks off the stage.

"So, are you guys feeling better after what happened last night?"

"Uh, uh, yeah...much better."

"All right kids, let's see what you got." The music starts and so does Schwoz and Char.

🎵 Yeah watch me on the floor🎵 The stage crew backstage got the sandwich guy another sandwich. Here comes Sharp.

"Uh, I just heard them say that you're performing next."

"Yeah."

"Well then...You'll need some good luck. Pet my ferret."

"Uh, I dunno man, it didn't work too well last night."

"Then pet harder. Here..." Sharp makes the sandwich guy pet his Ferret. Jasp pulls out his phone and crouches. I crouch down too. Jasp starts to look up Ferrets.

"Ferrets...ferrets...ferrets...The Norwegian Ferret..." Jasp clicks on the link.

"'Danger: Avoid contact with Norwegian Ferrets, because they secrete powerful oils that can cause strange reactions, such as tongue-chewing, head vibrations, and loss of consciousness.'"

Chapter Text

Tess

"'Danger: Avoid contact with Norwegian Ferrets, because they secrete powerful oils that can cause strange reactions, such as tongue-chewing, head vibrations, and loss of consciousness.'" Fucking Sharp! Jasp walks over to Sharp, and so do I.

"Hey!"

"Hello. Your beard looks fake. And that girl looks scary."

"You're making the other performers pet your ferret so they'll pass out, so then you can win first place!"

"Ah. You figured that out, did you?"

"Sure did."

"Well, so did he."

"Who? I don't see any--" Jasp falls and takes me down with him. I'm pinned to the floor because Jasp's on top of me, and he's not awake. Sharp tries to rub the ferret on Jasp, forgetting that I'm underneath him.

"Yesssss. That's right. Absorb my ferret's oil. Enjoy your nap."

"Hey! The spike thrower's attacking our bearded production assistant!"

"No, I'm not!"

"Uh, yeah, you are! And that's against the rules!"

"So?"

"So you're disqualified."

"Oh, uh..." Sharp sets the ferret down.

"Well uh, I guess I've lost then. So, I supposed I'll just uh--" Sharp pushes them.

"Ahh!"

"Stop him!" The crew tries to stop him. I push Jasp off and follow him.

"Stop the show!!!"

"Thank you!" Char runs off stage.

"Now Steven, you're not supposed to be on stage."

"You shut your stupid mouth, Danny Chest!"

"Wow."

"Uh son, why don't you get off the stage 'til it's your turn."

"No! I came on this show to win back my girlfriend! 'Cuz Kid Danger stole her from me!" That's why he has a problem with Hen? Everyone gasps.

"Ahhhhh!"

"Dude, I never stole your girlfriend."

"You did too! Back off Danny Chest!"

"Hey!"

"My girlfriend used to love me! Until you got to be Captain Man's sidekick! Then she got all obsessed with the 'cool, good-looking Kid Danger!'" She's not wrong. Hen is good looking. I'm glad that I'm not in the way of a camera or Hen's sight line, because my face is redder than Kirishima from My Hero Academia's hair.

"What-what she look like? Is she cute?" And I'm starting to feel jealous because of that comment.

"She got a mom?" Now, my blush and Jealousy are gone because of Uncle Ray's comment.

"You distracted my girlfriend, so now...Prepare to eat spike!"

"Steven! Don't be insane! Kid Danger has hyper motility."

"Wait, what's that, some disease?"

"Nooo! It's a superpower. It means that if he throws a Cuban zip spike at me, I can just knock it away.

"Oh yeah? Let's see you try!" Sharp throws the spike and Hen knocks it away. The spike lands in some guy's shoulder.

"Uh, is there a nurse in the audience?" The same thing happens again. Now the dude has two spikes, one in each shoulder.

"Could I switch seats with you?"

"All right! Maybe I can't hurt Kid Danger...or Captain Man...but I can hurt Danny Chest!" Sharp grabs another spike. He is insane!

"You leave Danny Chest alone!" Schwoz gets on Sharp's back. Go Schwoz! Schwoz knocks Sharp down. Someone from the backstage comes out to the stage.

"Security! Security!" Security officers separate Schwoz and Sharp.

"Should we uh...?"

"Maybe we should..."

"Just jump in there?"

"I mean we are super..."

"Nah he's good. He's good."

"They got it. They got it."

"No! No! I did it for my girlfriend! I just wanted my girlfriend baaaack!!!" The officers take Sharp away.

"Wow! Well, you all just saw it, live, right here on Swellview's Got Talent! Piper Hart just saved my life!" Schwoz hugs Danny Chest.

"Danny Chest! I love you!" Everyone cheers, even the guy with the spikes in his shoulders. Someone throws flowers to Schwoz. The real Piper comes onto the stage. Looks like someone woke up. Schwoz runs off the stage.

"What the butt happened?!?" A very long story of which a lot of it you don't know about.

Chapter Text

Tess

Hen has been feeling under the weather for a few days now, and Jasp has dragged me along to help take care of him. Jasp is making some sort medicine or something.

"Hey Jasper..."

"Yeah, whatcha need?"

"Will you please come take this thermometer out of my nose hole?"

"Okaaaay, let's check that temperature."

"And...ah!" Jasp takes the thermometer out Hen's nose.

"Ew..."

"Well?"

"Hmmm. I think it needs to go in deeper."

"What?"

"Well I-I've never used a nasal thermometer before."

"Well, maybe you should LEARN about nasal thermometers before you stick 'em in your friends' noses!"

"Here, let's try it again."

"Ah yeah no, it's really not comfortable." Jasp shoves the thermometer in Hen's nose again.

"Can we please--can we pl--ow ow ohhhh..." Hen squeezes my hand tight. Wow, he has a really good grip. Why am I surprised at that? He held me tight to hold me back from killing Minyak when Minyak pushed Jasp to the floor. Hen let's go when it's back in his nose.

"And I think it's in there."

"Ohhhhh, it's back in me. Hey, what are you making anyways?"

"Oh, a cure for your cold."

"You can't cure a cold."

"You can with this liquid cleanse I'm making."

"What's in it?" I'm afraid of finding out what's in it.

"A combination of...orange juice, nut milk, fish oil, frankincense, tomato puree, murr, bee pollen, and liquid lard." Ew.

"Wow, I am not drinkin' that." I wouldn't blame ya for that. That sounds disgusting.

"Dink it? Why would you drink it?"

"You said it's cleanse."

"Yeah, but you don't sallow it." What is Jasp talking about?

"I use this to bathe you." As much as I want to see Hen naked, I don't want to see my brother bathe him in that mixture.

"Nope!"

"C'mon! Don't be a baby. Don't you wanna feel better?"

"No, I like bein' sick bye." Hen gets up.

"Henry...Eh?" Why is Uncle Ray beeping him?

"Oh sorry, but I gotta take this, soooo..." Hen answers it.

"Hey, Ray."

"Hey Uncle Ray."

"Hey, Henry. Tessa."

"How ya' doin'?"

"Hungry! Handsome and hungry."

"Hey Henry and Tess."

"Oh, Char, you're already at work?"

"Yeah, she is, and we want breakfast. So, on your way to work, stop by Casa De Waffles, pick up nine waffles, a dozen fat biscuits, some uh..."

"Fresh fruit."

"Pfftt. Fresh fruit. I'm Charlotte! I want fresh fruit! Myeh-myeh-myeh-myeh."

"Hey listen...Guys, I'm sorry, but I'm still sick. I can't make it to work."

"Oh, it's been three days. Maybe you wanna see a doctor?"

"Nah, I mean it's just a cold, but I still feel pretty bad, and I got a fever, so--"

"Heyyyy Kid, I totally get it. Just stay home, rest, and take care of yourself." Something feels off about Uncle Ray. What's going on?

"Cool, thanks man."

"Sure thing."

"Later."

"Yeah okay." Hen hangs up. What's going on with Uncle Ray? Why do I have a bad feeling that Uncle Ray thinks Hen's lying about being sick? I mean, I have proof that he is sick. Hen has puked on me at 5 or 6 times in the past 3 days. I think some of those may have been on purpose. He even puked on me when I took my shirt and hoodie off. That was an awkward 2 hours. Had to borrow Jasp's coat to cover my chest.

Later-Man Cave

I come up from the Hart's basement since their washer and dryer is down here, and see Schwoz at the door? Hen puked on my shirt again, so make that 7 times he's puked on me the past 3 days. I need to be quicker with getting the damn bucket.

"Thanks for washing this, Mr. Hart..." Why is Schwoz dressed as Mario from Super Mario brothers? Why is there an explosion in kitchen sink?

"Yeah?"

"Uh...hello-uh. I'm a...how you say...'a plumber'...from-ah Italy." Really, Schwoz! Why are you here?

"Wait...you're a plumber?"

"Yes, I am a plumber. See my tools?"

"Yeah uh, you're not gonna believe this, but we need a plumber."

"Right now!"

"Oh. Well, I a'suppose I could take a look-see." Schwoz walks in and Piper closes the door.

"Really?"

"Cool. That'd be so great."

"Our sink is right over there."

"Okay...y'know, where I come from, which is Italy, they call a sink a sinkatoni because un that's like the word 'sink' with a'more letters on the end." A sink is called Un lavello in Italian. I used the machine that I think helped Hen passed our Puerto Rico test a few years back. The explosion happens again.

"Oh good Lord!!!"

"Ahhh, what's happening?!?" I see Schwoz put up a camera...Uncle Ray! He has lost his fucking mind! I was right about that feeling! Uncle Ray doesn't believe that Hen is really sick. He believe it once he sees Hen puking on me!

"It's shooting fire out of the sink!!!"

"How does a sink do that?!? It should be just water!"

"Yes...I will go fix it." Schwoz heads in the opposite direction of the sink.

"Uh, excuse me. Sir? Uh, Mister Plumber?"

"Si? Si si si si si si si..."

"Our kitchen sink is over there."

"...in the kitchen."

"A'yes, I know. But a'most a'plumbing problems, start in the attic--you know--uppa the stairs."

"But I don't understand how the attic--"

"B'ahhhhh!!! Look a'that!"

"Ah!!!" Mr. Hart and Piper head to the kitchen and I follow Schwoz. I follow Schwoz into Hen's room. Why is he putting cameras in here? I stay by the door and Schwoz doesn't notice me. Hen is hopefully still asleep. Schwoz tries to sneak out but, knocks something down, which that wakes Hen up.

"Wh...Schowz? Is that you?"

"Nooooo. I'm just a dreeeeaaam. Yes...a dreeeaaaam...about a nice Italian plumber...so you just go back to sleep and you just dream about-- AYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! A-ha ha ha..." Schwoz falls out the window. Hen goes back to sleep. I walk to window while flipping my uncle off and head out the window and follow Schwoz to work.

Man Cave

I come downstairs and see Uncle Ray and Schwoz watching the Harts on video.

"Hahahahahahahah! They have no idea tha we're watching and laughing!" Why is Char in a tube?

"Hahahaha! Sorry, privacy! You've been invaded!"

"You two are insane!" I spook Schwoz and Uncle Ray. Jasp comes downstairs.

"Hey guys."

"Hey other kid."

"Hey curly."

"Hey Jasp."

"Jasper! Tess1 Let me outta this tube!!!"

"Why is she in the--"

"Oh uhhh, we're just playing a game."

"Yeah, just playing a game."

"It's not a game!"

"That's part of the game."

"Saying it's not a game."

"Ahhhhh, okay. Well, it's uh past nine and I just locked up Junk 'N' Stuff, ao I'm gonna head on ho...Whoa, it that, is that Henry's room?"

"Yep."

"Wait, but how are you seeing video from--"

"Wait, shhh wait shhh wait shhh!" Uncle Ray zooms in on Hen eating soup. Luckily, I put the bucket near his bed before I left if he pukes again.

"There it is! Ya'see Henry there? He's not sick."

"How do you know?"

"He doesn't. He's being an asshole."

"Look at him! Sittin' there in bed, eating a big steamin' bowl a'chili."

"Last time I checked the Hart's cabinets, they didn't have any chili soup cans."

"Uh, that looks like brown soup to me."

"You're too far away to tell!"

"I'm not and that's not chili."

"Now look at it, all dark, and thick, with chucks. I know chili when I see it."

"That's not chili, Uncle Ray."

"I think he's eating brown soup."

"No. No! It's not soup! Geez Jasper, if you can't tell the difference between brown soup and chili, you're not allowed to look at my monitors!"

"Uncle Ray, it's brown soup! Not chili!"

"Not you too, Tessa."

"Oh Ray, now you're just being a child!" We've known him for three, almost 4 years now. You're now just realizing that he's acting like a child?

"Mute the tube."

"Aye."

"Henry is your sidekick and he's a very..." Schwoz mutes Char.

"Nice. Now...back to Kid Faker."

"Ray, listen...Henry and I have been really close friends, like forever. "

"Ulch...get to the point, boy." "

"I just think if he were faking being sick, he woulda told me. And wouldn't puked on Tess 6 times."

"It was 7 times, Jasp."

"And wouldn't puked on Tess 7 times."

"Yeah...guys do tell their best buddies everything...their thoughts, their secrets..."

"That's true! Like, when you told me about that time you went to Martha's Vineyard--"

"Don't talk about it, Schwoz." Don't wanna know about that.

"Jasper, I'm gonna need your to go shave your chest."

"My chest? Why?"

"You're gonna wear a wire."

Chapter Text

Tess

"You're gonna wear a wire." You have got to be fucking kidding me.

"A wire!?!"

"Yeah, Schwoz is gonna'tape a secret microphone to your chest."

"Wow!"

"Then you're gonna meet Henry at the Parkway Diner, where I'll be hiding nearby..."

"Ooo, and then what?"

"You're gonna ask Henry about this 'sickness'...and I bet you he admits that he's been faking."

"He's not faking it. I still have the stains that didn't wash out completely when Mr. Hart washed my hoodie, shirt, and even my bra. He puked on me 7 times in the past 3 days!"

"So...I get to be, like, like a spy?!?" And I'm ignored. Not the first time, but just annoying. I'm surrounded by idiot men.

"Schpy."

"Sure. We'll call you 'Double oh zero.'"

"Yesssssssssss. It's all happening."

"He just ripped off James Bond."

Later

Char's reading a book and I've already given trying to reason with a man-child, idiot 1, and idiot 2.

"There...Now, this is your microphone right there, by your noople."

"It's pronounced Nipple, Schwoz."

"All right. Let's go bust a faker." Why is Uncle Ray dressed like a greaser from Grease?

"Okay, so now will you let me outta here?"

"No. You could still warn Henry, so you gotta stay in there 'til we prove he's faking." Just let her out.

"And what happens if I need a restroom?"

"I already handled that." And he gave her a jar to go to the bathroom.

"I am not using this jar!"

"Good news for the jar. Let's go. Oh Schwoz. Uh two things..."

"Yes?"

"Do not let Charlotte out of the tube 'til we're back."

"Aye. And what's number two?"

"Don't eat any worms and don't let Tessa kill you." I don't wanna know about the worms.

"That's three things, and Oh! But--"

"No buts, no worms!"

"Byeeeee." Uncle Ray and Jasp leave.

"Okay, Schwoz--let me out of this tube."

"Ohhhhh no no no no no no no. You heard what Ray said about you, worms, and Teresa."

"You better listen to me, Schwoz! 'Cuz if you don't let me out of this...uh. Out of this...oh my. I think I...I-I think I...ohhhh..." What did Char just do?

"Ayeeee!!!" Schwoz overrides the controls, and runs to Char.

"Oh! Charlotte! Are you okay?!? Please be okay! Charlotte, Charlotte-- Ohhhh!!!" Char kicks Schwoz in the groin.

"That's for not letting me outta the tube!"

"Now could you please call me an ambulance?"

"No! I'm gonna go get my phone, call Henry, and tell him what Ray and Jasper are up to!" Schwoz crawls over to the cabinets while Char is looking for her phone.

"Ulch...where's my dumb phone?" Uncle Ray better have not taken it.

"Hey, have you seen my--Schwoz!" Worms! Ew!

"Ray told you not to eat the worms!"

"B'ahhh, you already bashed my pants! Now just let me enjoy my worms!" Char ends up beeping Hen.

"Hey Char and Tess, what's up?"

"Bad things! Bad things are up!"

"Why, what's wrong?"

"Ray didn't believe you were really sick so he sent Schwoz to your house disguised as an Italian plumber so he could install cameras with microphones in your house!"

"In my house?"

"Yeah, and Ray and Schwoz have beem spying on you all day, watching everything, including you eating a bowl of brown soup!"

"But that was my private brown soup time!

"And now Ray's making Jasper wear a microphone so he can meet you at the Parkway Diner to try to trick you into admitting that you're not really sick!"

"Even though I still have your puke stains on my clothes. Like I said before, Aim for the damn bucket, man!"

"What? But I am sick! Why would I--wait...Jasper's gonna'be wearing a WIRE?!? Also, sorry Tess for puking on you 7 times."

"Yeah! And Ray's gonna be at that diner listening to every word you say!"

"And You're forgiven. Just aim for the bucket next time."

"Ohhh...Okay...well if Ray wants to listen to what I have to tell Jasper, then I'm gonna make sure I say somethin' goooooooood." It never ends well when Hen is making that face. He looks gute looking like, but he's giving off Supervillain vibes with that look. After our conversion ends, I run out of the Man Cave and Junk 'N' Stuff. I head to the diner. Once I get there, I hid in plain sight.

"Pssst! Ray...pssst! Psssst! I'm checking the equipment. Psssssst! Ssssslippery slimy snake..."

"Stop it, Jasper!" Uncle Ray throws his corn and it hits an older lady.

"Oh my gosh! Un, sorry M'am! That actually wasn't meant for you!" I see Hen walk in. Showtime. Uncle Ray goes back to his place. Hen sits down.

"Hey!"

"Hi Henry. Uh..."

"What's up?"

"Ummmm...how-how are you feeling?"

"Uh well..."

"You can tell me. We've been friends for sooo long." So as Hen and I.

"So?"

"So, even if you have a secret, I'm the perfect person for you to tell." No, you're not.

"Oh God, he's the worst." That's what you get for picking my brother, Uncle Ray. You get this.

"Well uh, great...'cuz...Y'know how I've been calling in sick to work?"

"Yeeeaaaaah?" This isn't going to end well.

"Well...I've was faking." Then you were faking really well to the fact you vomited on me 7 times!

"I knew it!"

"Why'd you tell Ray you were sick?"

"You swear I can totally trust you?"

"Sure! I mean. I'd never betray a friend! Mainly because Tess would kill me." He's not wrong.

"Well...C'mere...I'm done being Ray's sidekick."

"B-b-but why?!? You don't wanna fight crime anyone?"

"No, I do. But dude, we don't need...We don't need Captain Man." He's not being serious, is he?

"But Ray's indestructible! You can't just get rid of Captain Man!" You could but, it would have to be internally and not externally.

"Well...See, I've been working, secretly, with Doctor Minyak..." Yea, he's spinning a story. Minyak's been gone for a couple of weeks now.

"Noooo!"

"Yeah man!"

"And we've been developing this weapon that can melt Captain Man! And check this out...Once Ray's outta the picture..."

"Yeah?"

"C'mere...Come here."

"What?"

"All the way. Come here. I'm gonna take over and make YOU my sidekick."

"Me?"

"Yeah." Uncle Ray takes out the wire from his end.

"D-d'ah...No! Ray's our friend. I...We can't just...Okay, I'm in!" Oh, Jasp thinks that it's real. I face palm. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen. My brother is an idiot!

"You're uh, you're-you're in?"

"Oh, yes sir, whatever you need me to do, I'll do." Uncle Ray walks over to them, slow clapping. I move from the seat I was sitting at and move over to where they're at.

"All right, Henry. How'd you know Jasper was wearing a wire?"

"'Cuz I'm not an idiot."

"Raaaaay? I didn't know you also come to this restaurant."

"Give it up, son. Tessa." Hen gets up from the seat.

"I can't believe you spied on me!"

"Yeah? Well, I wouldn't have had to do all this if you hadn't lied about being sick for three days!"

"Well, I wasn't lying dude! I-I-I had a cold! And, like, the flu or somethin'! And I puked on your niece 7 times."

"Ohhhh yeah. 'Cuz everyone with the 'flu' loves to sit around, eatin' big ol' honkin' bowls a'chili! Yeah, I saw it."

"But it was brown soup!"

"Brown, pssht-okay."

"I knew it was brown soup!"

"Same here!"

"Look, just admit that you were never sick, apologize, and we can forget this whole thing!

"I was sick, okay? And I still am!"

"Oh my God! You're such a faker!"

"A faker? Why would I fake this?"

"'Cuz you don't wanna go to work!" The way you've been like the past almost 24 hours, I could see why.

"'Cuz you're a little punk and you have no sense of responsibility! Why don't you rub a little 'suck it up cream' on it and be there at work tomorrow! Okay? I'm Henry! I ta--I'm sick. I don't wanna come in to work."

"I ser--I'm serious dude." Here comes the eruption.

"Maybe back up a little bit?"

"Oh for the full performance? So I can get the whole Emmy Award winning perform-- B'uhhh! B'uhhh! What are you doing now?" And there's the eruption. Hen puked on Uncle Ray.

"Yeah, that's brown soup. And you're getting Tessa a new hoodie when you're better." When I get home, I take everything out of my pockets and burn the clothes, expect my boots. Hen does get me a new hoodie after he gets better.

A couple of days later-School

Currently waiting for my brother to get out of detention since he broke dress code.

"Hey." Char comes.

"Oh. Hey Hen and Tess."

"Heyyy Char, oh, how was your uh, student council meeting?"

"Oh, it was really good. Next semester we're planning a bake sale to raise money--"

"Aww, that sounds great."

"All right...It's almost four o'clock, we better get to work."

"Oh no, we're good, Piper's gonna drive us." Hen's trusting her to drive us?! Even after what happened the last time she drove us somewhere?!

"Nooo, I don't like it when Piper drives us."

"Why? She has her driver's license."

"Only because the state gave her one by mistake." She's not wrong.

"Ss...still valid." We hear a car horn. Piper's here. Hen walks over to the doors.

"Is that Piper?"

"Yeah. Hey Piper! Quit honkin' the horn!" We hear a long honk.

"Love you too!"

"All right, where's Jasper?"

"Uh, still detention."

"Aww. What's he in for, anyway?"

"Dress code violation."

"Awww, not a belly shirt."

"Belly shirt."

"All right, the door's open, now get outta here!" That's right. You're alllll disappointments!" Here comes Jasp wearing Miss. Shapen's shirt?

"Hey guys." Did she add boob enhancements to the shirt?

"Why-why are you wearing a pink sweater?"

"Oh, this is Miss. Shapen's. Uh, she made me put it on since my crop-top shirt was a dress violation."

"Well, why did you wear a crop top shirt when you know it's against the rules?"

"And I thought I burned all of your crop tops."

"'Cuz I should have the right to let my belly button breathe and be free!" God, if Jasp has any kids. Please have them take after their mom or other parent and not Jasp when it comes to belly buttons!

"I don't think that's a 'right.'"

"It might be a wrong."

"And don't be surprise if that crop top that you're wearing doesn't disappear after today."

"And why do you have those?"

"Oh...I think these are built-in to the sweater."

"You think?" Piper walks in.

"Hey! Will you guys hurry up?!? I'm parked in a handicapped spot!" That's illegal without a handicap tag. Even then, you have to have the said handicap person with you to use it.

"You're not supposed to do that."

"I'm also not 'supposed' to have a driver's license. But I do. Now let's go!"

"Alright. Just a sec." Piper seems to be weirded by Jasp's top right now. Be glad you're seeing that and not the shirt he's wearing underneath of which will be burned after today.

"Yeah okay."

"Ooo hey hey hey, guess who was in detention with me!" Besides the other kids that got detention.

"Mmm...I don't want to."

"We don't care."

"Byshelle Bilsky."

Chapter Text

Tess

"Ooo hey hey hey, guess who was in detention with me!" Besides the other kids that got detention.

"Mmm...I don't want to."

"We don't care."

"Byshelle Bilsky." Bitch's sister is back in school? Since when?

"No way! Bsyh?!?"

"I thought Bysh was in jail!"

"They let her out."

"Who's Bysh Bilsky?"

"A girl with a baaaad attitude."

"Who happens to be related to Mitch, or Bitch as I call him."

"Yeah, and she's crazy. A lunatic."

"Yeah...Remember in fifth grade? When Bysh put that that scorpion in Miss. Shapen's purse?"

"Yeah! And Miss. Shapen reached inside, and the scorpion bit her and then she yelled Ahhhh! Bysh! Bysh! What did you dooooo?!?" I think that's the reason she went to jail. I think. It's been a long ass time since the last time we saw her. Here comes Bysh.

"Oh really? Oh really?! You think I don't got ears?!?"

"Oh, I-I-I..."

"Oh...heyyy Bysh."

"You shut up!"

"Alright..."

"Byshelle..." Bysh sees me.

"Hello again, Teresa...Sorry for your loss...I was talkin' to that!"

"Huh?"

"I heard you say my name and then laugh it up."

"Oh...Ohhhhh see, I was just saying how funny it was when you--"

"Oh! Oh, I'm funny? Is that it? Do you find me hilarious?"

"Oh! No no no...no no..."

"Oh! What? You think I got no sense of humor?"

"Okay, ladies...listen, I think there's a little misunderstanding here, okay?"

"PBBBBTTTHHHH!" Oh, it's on now, Bitch! I lunge for Bsyh but, Jasp grabs me.

"D'ahhh!!! Okay that 's it!" Jasp stops Hen while he still has me in his grasp.

"Hey hey hey hey hey!"

"No one..."

"It doesn't matter!"

"You know what!? You just keep her here! Just keep her here!" Jasp follows Hen while I'm still in Jasp's grasp of which he can let go of me now! Hen is popping a gumball. I don't think Kid Danger can fix this.

"Hey...what are you doin'?!?"

"You know what I'm doin'! I'm gonna introduce Bysh to Kid Danger and show her what's what!"

"Jasp."

"Yea?"

"Please let go of me."

"Will you attack Bysh?"

"Well, we're not near her right now, so no."

"Alright." Jasp lets me down.

"Dude! You know Ray's rule! You can't use Kid Danger to solve your own personal problems!"

"You two saw what she did! She PBBBBTTTHHH all over me!"

"Gimme the gum."

"No."

"Give me the gum."

"No, I don't wanna give--"

"Dooooo what's right."

"Just give him the damn gum." Hen spits the gum into Jasp's hand. That gross.

"Henryyyyyyyy!!!"

"Charlotte!" We run back over there and see Char in the trash. BYSH! I try to lunge but, I'm held back again.

"Henryyyyyyy!!!"

"Bysh! Are you insane?!?"

"No, I'm baaaad."

"No, you're more of a bitch than your brother is."

"C'mon, let's just help Charlotte!"

"Ulch, okay...help me tip it over."

"No! No wait wait wait...why would you tip me ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-verrrrrrrr?!?" We tip the trash can over to get Char out. We help Char get out of the trash can. How did Bysh do this? We help Char up.

"Okay, that's it, Byshelle! You just violated at least school rules when you put me in that trash can!"

"Yeah, does she look recyclable?!?"

"Nah...she looks stupid."

"And you look like Grimalkin from hell!"

"Hey watch it!"

"PBBBBTTTHHH."

"You know what? I'm gonna do it!" Hen pulls out his tube and Jasp is trying to stop Hen from becoming Kid Danger.

"No!"

"Stop touching my tube!"

"Let go!" Jasp takes the tube.

"All right all right... What's going on in this school hallway?!?"

"Nothin', we're just--"

"I'll tell ya what's goin' on!"

"Yeah!"

"A fight between Charlotte and Bysh!" Are you insane, Piper?!?!

"Noooo!"

"I'm down for a fight."

"Hey!!! The rules say no fighting in this school during school hours!"

"Oh, well...if that's a rule, then--"

"So if you girls are gonna have a street fight in this school, you gotta do it here before 8 A.M." Ok, Miss. Shapen is insane!

"Cool with me."

"Wait a second..."

"Okay! Monday morning, 7:30. Charlotte's gonna take you down, Byshelle."

"Lookin' forward to it." Bysh flicks Char's forehead.

"Owwwww! She thumped my head so hard! Hey! You saw that, why didn't you do something?!?"

"It's after 4. I'm off the clock. Jasper! Why are you still wearing my special sweater?"

"You made me put it on."

"Well, I have a date, so give it."

"Okaaaay..." Jasp starts to unbutton it and pops whatever those are in the sweater.

"D'aaahhh, ya popped my favorite one!" Your right one was your favorite? Miss. Shapen walks away.

"Well...that's it...Monday at 7:30 A.M... my life is over!"

"Noooo it's not. Okay? She's not so tough. Tess is more tough than Bysh."

"Yeah. Besides...strength isn't about the size of your muscles it's about what's in here..." Jasp pops the other one. What is in that sweater?

Man Cave

We come down the elevator.

"You know what you gotta do? Just gotta get a baseball bat."

"No, no."

"Then you hide in the bushes."

"I just want to forget about Bysh, okay? And that stupid fight that Piper got me into, okay? Because I am not going to be--"

"Kiyah!"

"AHHH!!!" Char falls on the floor. Why did three grown ass men just scare us!!! Here comes Uncle Ray.

"Heh heh heh...ahhh, kids..."

"Hey, Ray, you maybe wanna tell us what's going on?"

"Sure. We are about to get you ready for The Brawl In The Hall."

"That's right."

"Uh-huh." I have a bad feeling about this.

"Wait wait wait...are you talkin' about the uh, Bysh Bilsky and Charlotte fight?"

"No! How would Ray know about that?"

"How do you know about the fight, Uncle Ray?"

"Have you guys not seen the news?" The news knows about the fight??

"What news?"

"Uh this..." Uncle Ray turns on the news and fast forwards to the part where they talk about the fight.

"And finally...this story from Swellview High School. Notorious bad-girl Bysh Bilsky was released from jail only two weeks ago, but she's already stirring up a ruckus." So, that's how long she's been back in school and out of jail.

"That's right, Trent. According to our high school informant...there's going to be a big, nasty fight."

"Apparently, Bysh will be pummeling a local teenage girl named Charlotte something--on Monday morning just before school."

"Wow..." Uncle Ray pauses the news.

"But...I don't wanna fight!"

"And I don't wanna lose one of my best friends!"

"I don't have to fight if I don't wanna fight, right?"

"Actually, yeah."

"Kinda got to, yeah."

"I don't think you have a choice in the matter."

"But don't worry. Because I have brought you the best personal combat instructors that aren't Tessa, who'd come here for free."

"And uh, who are these guys?"

"This is Sensei Juke...A multi-degree blackbelt in sh'sheeto, pad-tie, and keen-wah. This man is Harley Birch. He may look out of shape, but don't let the flab fool ya." Something falls out of the said flab. Uncle Ray picks it up. Harley keeps his keys in his flab?

"The heck is this?"

"Oh, them are my car keys. I'm gonna just put thme back here in my flab." Harley puts his keys back in his flab.

"And uh who's that person?"

"Ah, this is Kevin. Kevin is--Owwww!!!" Kevin breaks a glass bottle over Uncle Ray's head. Good thing that Uncle Ray is indestructible, or else we would be heading to the hospital right now.

"You don't do that 'til I say it's okay. The heck's the matter with this guy--Ah!" Kevin breaks a bottle on Uncle Ray's arm.

"Stop it! Stop it! Twice? Oh uh, put...Drop it. Drop it! Y'see, Kevin is a street fighter. He utilizes any items or objects he can find in the streets."

"Um...Aren't items and objects the same thing?"

"Uh eh eh eh eh eh...What have I told you about sass?"

"Woah, sorry."

"Now, we're all going to work together, to turn you into a rad, bad, Bysh-bustin' mach..ad." That's not a word.

"But I don't wanna--"

"Music!" The music starts...What the hell?

🎵 Close your eyes 🎵

🎵 And open them for a minute 🎵

"That is my Love Mix... Here we go--Upbeat Montage." Uncle Ray fixes the music.

"Hey. No. No. Back."

Later

The music is still playing and now Hen is blindfolded.

"Wait, why do I have to wear a blindfold?"

"So you can't use your super fast reflexes."

Later

"And one and two and prep and kick! Nice... And now!" Char uses the moves on Hen and he's down.

"That's it. You alright?"

"No!"

"He's alright."

Later

Harley demonstrates a move on Hen.

"Ha! Run it." Char does the same move on Hen once he gets back up.

"Schwoz!!!" Uncle Ray gets Schwoz to help Char.

"Action!"

"No wait wait, I don't want to play this game anymore because--"

"Kiyah!"

"Aye!!!" Char knocks Schwoz off his feet with a bat? Char tosses a full garbage bag onto Schwoz? What the heck!

"Hah! Whoa!!! I can't believe it! I can really fight!"

"Yeah! But now I wanna see how you do against...them." Char tries to fight them but, fails.

"Kiayh!"

"Ohhh."

"Kiyah!"

"Eek!"

"I think you should stop the music."

"Yeah." Uncle Ray stops the music and the men leave. Uncle Ray, Hen, and I help Char up.

"What happened?"

"Y'see Charlotte...you can't learn everything about fighting in one three-minute montage."

"Ya can't."

"Well then what was all this training for?!?"

"That's uh...that's a fair question." Char grabs her bag.

"Hey, where ya goin'?"

"Home."

"But we gotta help you figure out a way to fight this girl that doesn't have to involve having Tessa fight in your place."

"I've had enough of your guys' help, okay? I'm gonna handle Bysh myself." Go Charlotte!

"Come on, you can't..."

"You don't know how!"

"I said I don't want your help or anyone else's. Understand?"

"All right."

"Okay, we won't help you."

"Thank you." Char leaves.

"We're gonna help her?"

"Yeah we're gonna help her." I start to imagine what the fight is going to be like. Char against Bysh. It first starts off them fighting. All of a sudden, Bysh has a gun and turns into Drex? Now, Drex is shooting at Char, Hen, and Jasp. They're dead! Everyone is dead. Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Oh fuck! This can't be happening!

Henry

I have got to Ray! I have to tell him, or else it's going to be pretty Awkard later.

"Hey Ray?"

"Yeah, Kid?"

"I need to tell you something."

"Okay, what?" Here goes nothing.

"I'm in love with someone." Ray looks at me weird.

"With who?"

"A girl."

"Who's the girl?" Hopefully, Ray doesn't kill me for this.

"Tess." It takes Ray a moment to process what I just said.

"Tess. As in my niece Tess?"

"Yeah."

"You're in love with my niece!"

"Yeah."

"Oh." That's all Ray says before he walks away. I hope one day that Ray is ok with this. Hopefully.

Tess

Everything starts to crumble around me until someone shakes me back to reality.

"Tessa! Tessa! TESSA!" I blink a few times before coming back to reality. I'm still in the Man Cave and now Uncle Ray has shaken me back to reality.

"Tessa? Are you ok?"

"Yea, why?"

"You were in the fetal position for like 20 minutes."

"Oh." I didn't realize I was away from reality for that long. Uncle Ray sees the look in my eyes and pulls me close. He hugs me tight.

Monday-School

Piper's charging admission for the fight. I already paid, just to shut her up.

"Hey hey. Ten bucks to see the fight."

"But we go to school here."

"You can't charge us to walk into school."

"Ten bucks!" The tall, loud man spooks them into paying. They pay and walk away. Here comes Bysh.

"Hem hem!" People start to scatter. Jasp walks in.

"Piper...is Bysh here? I need to--I see her." Jasp walks over to Bysh.

"Hey, can I please talk to you?" Bysh takes off her headphones.

"What?"

"I wanna talk to you about not fighting my friend."

"I'm busy."

"C'mon. Please! Talk to me in here." That conversion is not going to end well. Jasp walks over to the janitor's closet and opens the door.

"Unless you're afraid." Bysh follows him into the closet.

"Ahhhhh!!! Ahhhhh!!! Ah! Ah!" Bysh comes out. What did she do to Jasp to make him scream? She's lucky that she's not fighting me. I see Char walk in.

Chapter Text

Tess

I see Char walk in.

"Look!"

"Hey here's Charlotte!" Everyone cheers as Char walks in. Hopefully Char isn't walking to her death, otherwise there's going to be two deaths today if that happens.

"Look who showed up to..." Char walks away.

"What's goin' on?" Char grabs me and drags me to the closet. I look up. So, she tied my brother up. Great.

"Don't freak. There will be blood."

"Mmm-nnn!"

"Ah! Jasper! What are you doing up there?"

"Mmm-nnn!"

"What?"

"Mmmm mmmm mmm-nnn mm-nn!!!" I see Bysh walk in.

"It's time."

"I know what time it is. I wanna talk to you."

"So did he."

"Mm-hm. Mm-hm."

"Still wanna talk?"

"Yeah."

"This time, I'll be present for this talk. Byshelle."

"Who hurt you?"

"Huh?"

"Who hurt you?"

"Nobody hurts me."

"Yeah, well I don't believe you."

"Neither do I, Byshelle."

"Because you wouldn't be the way you are unless somebody hurt you. Like Tess wouldn't be the way she is if she didn't experience what she did experienced."

"Girl, what the butt are you mouthin' about?"

"You don't hate me. You-you're not even mad at me. But you're mad at somebody."

"Shut up."

"And I bet that's why you go around looking for excuses to hurt other people. Am I right? Tell me. C'mon...who hurt you?"

"It was...my stupid cousin, Sharice!"

"Okay...tell me about stupid Sharice..."

"I don't wanna talk about her."

"It's okay. This is a safe closet. C'mon Byshelle...talk to me or even talk to Tess if you want."

"It happened in third grade."

"What happened?"

"GIRL, I'M TELLIN' YOU!!!"

"Right right, sorry."

"Don't be rude to Char."

"Sorry. It happened at my birthday party...I was turnin' twelve..." So she got held back a lot.

"What...you were turning twelve in the third grade?"

"Uh-huh..."

"Uh, nothin' wrong with that."

"Anyway, the day before my party I fell off my roller-blades and I knocked my tooth out. This one right here, up front." Bysh shows us her teeth and what tooth she knocked out.

"Oh, that must have looked kind of weird, huh..."

"Yeah, here's a pic." Bysh shows us a pic of the day it happened.

"Mmm-nn-mm..."

"Okay..."

"Then, one of the girls pointed at me and she said..."

"You can tell us."

"She said...'Look! It's Bysh! The toothless dufus!'"

"Awww."

"And...and then everybody started laughin'...and Sharice, she just...laughed along with the rest of 'em. And that's when I knew...if you can't count on your best friend, you can't count on anybody. And since then...I've never had a friend." That's the difference between Bysh and I. Even when I felt alone after my parents died, I still had my friends. I knew I could count on them and I still can count on them. It may take a while for them to get the hint and catch up, but they get there.

"Mmm-nn-mmmm..." Jasp pets Bysh's head.

"Bysh...look at me...I'll be your friend."

"Nah. You're just sayin' that 'cuz you don't want me to rip your head off your body."

"Well...that's true...I don't want you to rip my head off my body...but I also wanna be your friend. Do you want that, too?"

"Yes please!" Char and Bysh hug. Bysh pulls me into the hug. Wow, I didn't know that she was a hugger.

"Bysh...Bysh! Can you maybe hug us just a little less hard?"

"Sorry."

"It's okay."

A little later

We come out of the closet and everyone is still expecting a brawl. Piper sees Bysh and Char.

"There they are! All right! Let's get in on!!!" Everyone is cheering...

"No, no...sorry, guys...the fight is not happening.

"There will not be blood.

"Thank God!"

"What?"

"Wait! There's not gonna be fight?"

"'Farid not."

"Nope." Everyone angrily looks at Piper. Piper closes the jar full of money.

"No refunds!"

"No refunds!" Piper and the guy run out. A lot of people follow them. I see Captain Man and Kid Danger walking in?... Why are they here?

"All right, we're here!"

"Everybody freeze and don't move!"

"Wait, that's the same thing."

"What?"

"Freeze... Freezing and not moving,""

"What are you saying now...what's the difference? See, that's the kinda sass I'm talkin' about."

"What? I was just helping--" Char walks over to them.

"Hiiii...Captain Man and Kid Danger. What brings your here, when it seems like you don't even need to be here?"

"I'll tell you what brings us here." This is not going to go well.

"A bank robbery. Yeah, it happened in the middle of the night." A night robbery...they didn't!

"Fortunately, we were able to track the stolen cash to this very school." I have a feeling they did it. We come the officers...

"Hey guys, we got your call."

"Good."

"Uh, yes, officers, I think you'll find the stolen cash over there, in locker 53." They did it.

"53?! That's my locker!"

"Let's check it." The officers go over to locker 53. ARE UNCLE RAY AND HEN INSANE!!! Because I think they are insane. Char drops her bag and pushes the guys out of the way so no one hears us. I walk over to where they are at.

"Woah woah take it easy!"

"Okay, why are you guys here?"

"To help you!"

"But, I told you I didn't want your help!"

"Have you met these two?"

"Oh, well uh, hahaha, ya got it!"

"Hahaha...you're gonna love what we did.

"What did you guys do?!?"

"Seriously, what did you guys do?"

"We uh...we robbed the Swellview Bank!"

"We robbed that bank!"

"Why?!?"

"So we could get a big bag of cash!"

"And then last night, around 4 A.M. We snuck in here..."

"And we put the big bag of cash in Bysh's locker!"

"And then we called the cops!"

"Which is why they're here!"

"And they yeah..."

"You...you framed Bysh?"

"Have both of you lost your minds?!?"

"Yeah!!!"

"So now she'll get arrested!"

"And you don't have to fight her!" They're insane!

"But I already fixed it so I don't have to fight her! I talked to her, and now we're friends!"

"Oh. Uh, well..."

"That-that is new information." The officers pry Bysh's locker open and they find a bag, which I guess has the stolen money on it.

"There it is! You messed up this time, Byshelle."

"But...But I didn't put that in there!"

"Ohhh, so you're just holdin' it for a friend?"

"C'mon, let's go. Let go--let go! Ahhh!"

"You're in big trouble!"

"Let's go!"

"But I didn't do anything!"

"Yeah, yeah..."

"I never saw that money before!" She actually telling the truth. She's been framed by Captain Dumbass and Kid Idiot!

"Heard it all before."

"C'mon man! I just made my first friend since third grade! Charlotte! Charlotte, come bail me out! Charlotte!"

"Yeah yeah, blah blah blah." They take Bysh away.

"Don't worry! I'll come to the police station after my algebra two test!!!" The bell rings.

"Welp..." This was a long day!

Chapter Text

Tess

My attempts at getting Uncle Ray to change his mind has not worked so far. Hopefully, one of these days he'll break and make Hood Danger official. Just need to wait a while longer until that happens.

"And now, Mary is going to begin her seven-part series on bathroom safety. Mary?"

"Thank you, Trent."

"Yeah, sure."

"Have you ever found yourself in a bathroom...and forgotten who you are? Well, that's because--"

"Hang on...we have breaking news...Apparently, Captain Man and Kid Danger are Swellview Park right now, battling two unnamed thugs."

"Try putting your foot in the toilet to enhance the way--"

"Mary, please! Okay, I'm told that our brunette reporter Evelyn Hall, is arriving on the scene. Evelyn?"

"Thanks Trent. I'm here in Swellview Park. In fact, this is the place where I got engaged last month. To a man." Congrats, but what does have to do with the story you're reporting.

"Uh, okay...but what's happening with Captain Man and Kid Danger?"

"Owwww! Too hard!!!"

"Hey Kid! There's a news crew here! Be right back!"

"What?!? What are you doing!?! No, you can't! We gotta fight these guys--"

"Hey, Captain Man here. What's going ooo...Hey...Emily?"

"It's Evelyn."

"Evelyn."

"Remember?"

"Yep."

"You took me out on two dates and then never called me again?" Jeez, I don't know who's gone through more girls. Hen or Uncle Ray?

"Yes yes, I remember."

"Good. So uh, what's going on back there?"

"Well, we got a report that there were two thugs in the park, vandalizing bushes and shrubs, you know intimidating squirrels...Is that an engagement ring?"

"Oh this? Sure is."

"Wh...what, did you but that for yourself?"

"No. A man gave it to me."

"Hey dude, dude! I really need your help!"

"Just just just a second..."

"No these guys are big man. They're big! They're bigger than we've ever aaaaa---"

"Who asked you to marry him?"

"My camera man, right there."

"What, this guy?!?"

"Hey!"

"So you went from Captain Man to 'camera' man?!? Oh that's good!"

"Shouldn't you be helping Kid Danger?"

"Nah, he's fine."

"I'm not fine!"

"Y'see uh, Kid Danger has hyper-motility, so, y'know."

"I'm sorry, he has what?" And knowing this town, she is going to misinterpret what Uncle Ray is going to say about Hen's super power.

"Uh, hyper-motility. He has that."

"Oh. Uh...And is it serious?"

"Pfft, yeah, really serious."

"Well, is hyper-motility deadly?"

"Uh, it can be! A-heh heh." Uncle Ray, she thinks it's a disease not a superpower.

"You know, I took her out on two dates."

"Yeah? Why don't you shut up."

"You shut up."

"Captain Man! Can you come here right now please?"

"Ulch. You're lucky he need me."

"You heard it here first. Kid Danger has hyper-motility."

"How's it goin'?"

"Do you have any water?"

"Oh, yeah." And Uncle Ray's being a jerk.

Man Cave

Hen comes down via the elevator. Watching the news with Char and Jasp.

"Heyyyy, what's up crime fighters and on my God I smell chicken wings.

"Shhhhh! Shush!"

"Wait, what's going on? What are you guys watching?"

"SHHHHHHHH!!! It's a news report about you!"

"Yeah, they're talkin' about--"

"SHHHHHHH!!!"

"According to Captain Man himself, Kid Danger has been stricken with a serious, rare disease, known as 'hyper-motility.'" Knew that was going to happen as so as Uncle Ray mentioned Hen's superpower. Now everyone in town thinks that Hen is dying!

"Wait...what disease? What are they talking about--"

"Shhhhh!"

"Shush!"

"Here with us now, in studio, is rare disease expert, Doctor Andrew Skurvy."

"Good afternoon, Trent."

"What can you tell us about this disease, hyper-motility?"

"I've never heard of it." That's because it's a superpower, not a disease.

"Interesting."

"But I will say, diseases, in general, can cause big problems." Hello, are you new to Earth?

"I see. And in what ways do you feel that hyper-motility might affect Kid Danger? "

"Well, it could lead to an increase, or decrease in his appetite...high or low blood pressure...uh, it could cause weight gain..."

"Or weight loss?"

"Possibly."

"Now, they're talking out of their asses.

"Ulch okay you know what? I'm turning this off." Hen turns it off.

"How come you're so upset?"

"'Cuz! Now everybody in Swellview is gonna think I'm seriously sick."

"Noooo they won't."

"Yeah."

"Nobody under 65 watches the news anymore."

"Yeah...so check social media."

"Ooo yeah, social media's the real news. Check it. Check it." This is gonna be bad.

"'Kay-kay." Char checks social media.

"Let's see..."

"Hey dude, you have uh, wing sauce."

"Oh uh. Hand me a Wet-Ragette?" Hen hands Jasp a Wet-Ragette.

"It's like right here. No like..."

"Uh-huh."

"Yeah but like right..."

"Uh-huh."

"On the side. And, no but you gotta...You got it."

"Okay, trending topics..." Here we go.

"Number five: Goodbye Kid Danger." That is so not promising.

"D'ah, see, I knew it. What's number four say?"

"Pray for Kid Danger."

"And three?"

"Kid Danger RIP."

"Two?"

"Remembering Kid Danger."

"Number one?"

"Hyper-Motility Kills."

"Dang it!"

"No! Don't touch me!" Like I've said before. I love my brother, but sometimes he's an idiot.

"What? No! Dude, I'm not actually sick!"

"I don't take risks."

Hart House

We walk into Hen's house, and why is Piper counting rocks?

"90, 91, 92..."

"Hey Piper..."

"93, 94."

"Piper...Piper...

"What--what what is it!"

"What are you doin'?"

"I'm trying to count rocks which isn't easy when you have a dumb brother going 'Piper, Piper, Hey Piper, Piper, Piper...'"

"Hahahaha... I'm sorry, she just really has your voice down perfectly."

"What? No she d--" I give Jasp a look before looking back at Piper.

"At least yours is possibly a little smarter in him than mine does."

"Okay, why are you standing here counting rocks?"

"For the rock box dump."

"I'm sorry what?"

"The ro--What is? What is the rock box dump?"

"The rock box dump is what people are doing to help raise money for Kid Danger and increase awareness of hypermotility." I face palm. Out of all the people in this town, I thought she would have more sense to realize that it's a superpower and not a disease.

"Oh my God. Listen to me. Kid Danger isn't sick. Okay?"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah."

"Have you seen the top eleven trending topics?" Oh boy. Here we go with that again.

"Yeah, I've seen the--Eleven?!?" Piper shows Hen the eleven trending topics.

"Look guys, hyper-motility is a superpower. 'Kay?"

"Well...I mean, sure, I guess that's positive way of looking at it." And that is my idiot future sister-in-law right there, people! Also, Piper. If Kid Danger was sick, so would your brother, since HE IS KID DANGER! If Kid Danger were really dying, so would your brother! Seriously, little girl! How stupid are you that you don't realize that you are related to Kid Danger!

"Hehehehe..."

"Look, Piper, all that stuff about Kid Danger being sick is fake news."

"If Kid Danger isn't sick, then why are people doing the rock box dump to raise money to help him?" Because the people in this town are idiots.

"No one's doing the 'rock box dump.'"

"Oh really? Here... Why don't you take a look at this?" Piper shows us the rock box dump videos.

"Hey everybody. It's me, Oliver. And to help raise money for hypermotility awareness, I'm gonna' dump a box of rocks on my head. One, two..." Oliver pulls on the rope which dumps the rocks. I can't believe there are people in this town that are doing this.

"Owwwwie!"

"Welll...Oliver doesn't know anything. Okay?"

"Okay, then let's take a look at one of your teachers."

"My teach--"

"Look!" And there's Miss. Shapen on the screen. This is not good.

"Hey ho! Sharona Shapen here. Professor at Swellview High School. And I'm gonna take two buckets of rocks to my support for Kid Danger, and the fight against hyper-motility. Give it to me!" The two kids in the video dump the buckets of rocks onto Miss. Shapen.

"Ohhhh....noooo..."

"'Kay well...show me a normal person how's doing the 'rock box dump.'"

"M'kay...how 'bout this guy?" And now we see Jasp...You have got to be kidding me.

"Hey guys. Now, I don't know Kid Danger personally...Heh...Eh...But anyways...this is to help him get well soon." Jasp in the video dumps the box of rocks onto his head.

"Ah! Ah! Cheese-n-rice!" That is one of the only dishes that Iris and Hugo can make that tastes like food. Hen and I give Jasp a look.

"I want my community to think I'm caring!" I smack Jasp in the back of the head.

"Ow!"

"Ooo yes! It's working!"

"What's working?"

"Uh, I want to raise money for hypermotility, so I set up a Beg-U-To-FundMe page. See? For every dollar that people donate, I'm gonna add one rock to this pile that I'm gonna dump on my own head."

Chapter Text

Tess

"Uh, I want to raise money for hypermotility, so I set up a Beg-U-To-FundMe page. See? For every dollar that people donate, I'm gonna add one rock to this pile that I'm gonna dump on my own head." IS SHE INSANE?!?!

"What?!?"

"And I'm already up to $794!"

"Piper..."

"Don't touch me!"

"Well, I-I-I-I think it's great that you wanna raise money to help fight diseases, y'know but..."

"Then why are you whining?"

"'Cuz hyper-motility isn't a disease!"

"You're so dumb."

"And you're insane!"

"Well, I'm smart enough and somewhat sane enough to know that if you dump 794 rocks on your head, you're gonna end up in the Swellview Hospital."

"Or the Swellview Morgue if they couldn't be able to save you."

"Ulch, no I won't."

"Piper..."

"I'm gonna wear a hat."

"Wha-Wait, Piper...Piper!"

"Piper! Piper!"

"Hahahahahaha! Dude, she really sounds like you."

Man Cave

Hen and I come down the tubes, and why is Uncle Ray look like he's on the verge of either puking or passing out in a food coma? Also, why are there a lot of presents here?

"Hey, Ray, I really need you to--Whoa! Dude! What's go...Are you okay? What happened?!?"

"Chocolate covered grapes. Ohhhh. Hey...this little guy tried to escape... Well? Aw...No more room in me."

"What is going on? What happened here?"

"People sent you...I mean, people sent Kid Danger...all these gift baskets full of food." Meaning Uncle Ray has either eaten all of them or at least most of them. Hen reads one of the cards.

"'Dear Kid Danger...we hope these banana-nut muffins will give you comfort and joy in your final days.'" This whole situation with people thinking that Hen is dying is giving me Ferris Buller's day off vibes.

"Hahaha...Yeah, everybody thinks you're doomed."

"No dude...I...I can't believe you ate all these baskets!"

"We're talking about Uncle Ray here."

"Don't worry, Kids...I'm--ohhhh....ohhhhhhhhh I'm gonna puke."

"Aim somewhere that is not me, Uncle Ray."

"You can puke after we--Oh is that a...Aw come on dude! Now there's a bee in here. Now there's a bee in the Man Cave."

"Ohhh, my tummy hurts so bad!" Your fault for eating all the food in those baskets. Hen is now trying to avoid the bee.

"Get outta here bee. I hate bees, dude! Oh...Oh! Oh! Oh! Ah! Ah! Oh! Dude!!! The bee just stung my tongue!!!" Great.

"Pfft...Hehehe. Uh, don't make me laugh!"

"All right, I need you to help me to do this live-stream."

"Why?"

"'Cuz! I need everyone to know that I--well, that Kid Danger isn't sick!"

"All right. Go set up the live-stream."

"All right. On it! Ah!!!" Hen tried to go set up the livestream but, slipped and somehow pulled me down with him? How the hell do I keep getting pulled down when people fall near me?

"Ahhh, ding dong dang-it!!!"

"Hahaha--Oh! I told you not to make me laugh!"

"I don't think he was doing that on purpose, Uncle Ray."

Later

Uncle Ray starts the livestream and I'm out of the camera shot.

"Hi. It's me, Captain Man. Uh...Hey, Kid Danger!"

"Huh?"

"We gonna do this or what?"

"Nah nah...Ah'm ga pu e ointmin on my thung..." This is so not helping with proving that you're not sick, Hen.

"Well, we're live-streaming right now, so..."

"Wha--rye now? Doo, I toll you to gimme a hehs up!"

"Heads up!"

"B'aaaah!" Hen is now limping since he tripped, fell, and sprained his ankle. Again, this is so not helping with proving that he's not sick. Hen almost does it again before Uncle Ray catches him.

"I'm okay..."

"All right. Oh! You're alive."

"I'm fine...I-I gah it."

"Alright, let's go."

"Hi evvah one. Ith's me, Kih Thanger...and uh...ah'm here to they da, I'm okay! There's no nee to orry. Hypa-motility isn a dithese. Ith a thuper power. Okay? So ther no nee fo evvah one keep dumpin'...rocks on you head because...I'm fy! Ahhh. Thankoo, and gah bweth the thitu uh Thwehview." This was seriously the worst time to do this live stream since the way that Hen is like right now is not helping our point, and I think Hen was trying to say God bless Swellview.

"Uh-ye-yes! Gobbledy-goo to everyone." Uncle Ray ends the live stream. Uncle Ray puts the ointment on Hen's tongue.

"There you go... Uh, this says your tongue swelling should go down in fifteen to thirty minutes."

"I sure hop tho."

"I dunno what you just said but okay." The elevator doors open and here comes Char.

"Hey guys..."

"Hey Charlotte."

"Hey Char."

"Heh wuth up, Tharlotte?" Ok, maybe you shouldn't talk until the swelling goes down, Hen.

"Hey, did you see our live stream?"

"Um yeah--they're talking about it on the news right now.

"Oh yeah?"

"Tuhn uhn the noothz!"

"Hey, why are you talking like that?"

"Bee stung his tongue. Now it's numb."

"Heh! That rhymed."

"Hehe yeah! I am awesome!"

"Tuhn uhn the noothz!"

"Unkhay!"

"Wow." Uncle Ray turns on the news.

"Okay, now let's take a look at the next clip..."

"I'm okay! There's no nee to orry. Hypa-motility isn a dithese. Ith a thuper power. Okay? So ther no nee fo evvah one keep dumpin'...rocks on you head because...I'm fy!"

"Well, now it seems his hyper-motility is affecting his tongial motions...which is why he sounds like: A bluh bluh bluh bluh." No, it's not because of his superpower. That's because a bee stung his tongue which made numb. That's why Hen is talking the way he is right now.

"Right. And obviously, the only reason Kid Danger is denying his illness is to be brave in the face of his battle with certain doom." That's not the reason, idiots.

"Sadly, I think his next live-stream might be a dead-stream."

"Ah gray!"

"But here's some heart-warming news...Local tween, Piper Hart, president of Captain Man's fan club, is planning the biggest rock box dump of all." You have got to be kidding me. She's going to do that?!?!

"She's heading to Swellview Park, where 1524 rocks will be dropped on her head." 1524 ROCKS?!?! That's going to ethier severally injure her or kill her if we don't stop her!

"That's really sweet of your sister."

""What? Sweet?!?"

"Wha? Thood!"

"That sweet act is going to severally injure or kill her if none of us doesn't stop her before she does it!"

"we gah go to Thwellview Parr and go thave huh!"

"Why?"

"Wha?"

"Because she's about to drop 1500 rocks on her head!"

"Which could kill her!"

"Oh..."

"Thas white! Leth go!" I put on my cloak.

"Oh all right! G'ah. Tessa! Stay here!"

"Uncle Ray, please!!!!!"

"Fine." We head for the tubes. I hold onto Hen as always.

"Wha? Thoo, you can't bwing a banana woaf!"

"Uh, yes I can bring a banana loaf." The tubes come down.

"Uppa thoob!" And the tubes can't understand Hen right now since his tongue is numb.

"I'm sorry...I didn't get that."

"Uppa thoob!"

"Searching for...'cup of soup.'" Not even close.

"Nooo!!!"

"Up the tube!" The computer understands Uncle Ray and we go up. Uncle Ray's loaf falls.

"Aw my loaf!!!" We head for Swellview Park.

Swellview Park

We get to Swellview Park and Piper's about to do it.

"Stop the dump!" Hen and I run over to Piper. Hen lasers Jasp's hand.

"Ow! How rude!"

"Kid Danger!"

"Shouldn't he be in the hospital or something?!?"

"No!"

"Are these kids live-streaming?"

"Yeah."

"Good. How's your tongue?"

"Uh...Lelelelelelele...Better."

"Go talk to 'em."

"Okay, hey uh...listen to me...I'm not sick. Okay?"

"Liar!"

"Idiot!"

"What? No, I'm telling you the truth!"

"Look, Kid Danger...you don't have to pretend for us."

"We know you're doomed." And you all are idiots.

"No he's not."

"But Captain Man said you have hyper-motility."

"Yeah, hyper-motility isn't a disease. Okay? It's a superpower."

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Kid, why don't you go show 'em?

"Alright...Guys, check this out." Hen hands the microphone over to Uncle Ray and walks over to the guy with a bad wig. Hen takes the wig off the guy. Everyone gasps.

"Owww! My uh...My real hair."

"What, you mean this?" Hen puts the wig back on the guy. Hen walks back over to us and takes the microphone from Uncle Ray.

"Okay. See? That's hyper-motility. It makes me have super fast reflexes."

"But then how come you were talking so weird?"

"And what about your limping?"

"That was just a--I fell on a grape and I twisted my ankle."

"And before that, he got tongue-stung by a bee."

"Yeah, that tracks."

"And by the way...it's very dangerous to drop rocks on your head. So, no kid should ever do that, ever."

"Even if you see someone doin' it on television."

"Or on the internet. Know what I'm saying'?"

"Yeah. Heard of it."

"Okay, sorry."

"Now you, boy, move this forklift outta here. These things are dangerous."

"Uh, you got it, Captain Man. Oh..." Jasp pulls the lever to dump.

"Know what I mean? Ahhh!" The rocks fall on Uncle Ray and I move out of the rocks way. So glad that Uncle Ray is indestructible. Jasp gets out of the forklift. That is a long conversion that I don't wanna have with Jasp later.

"Comin' through!" Jasp runs out of the park.

"Uh...Captain Man? Are you..." We see Uncle Ray's hand come out of the rocks, flashing an ok sign.

Later-Man Cave

Sitting at the table, eating grapes dipped in chocolate.

"Alright. Now c'mon...we just need a...like a cool easy-to-remember name that really says 'super fast reflexes.'"

"Umm..."

"Okay, umm..."

"Hey. How 'about we just call it S-F-R?" That sounds stupid.

"How 'bout you just stop talking."

"Yeah, why don't you just leave, Jasper!"

"Come on man!"

"Take this seriously."

"Henry...Uncle Ray...Be nice to Jasp. Remember he is my brother."

"What about uh, mmm! 'Lighting Fighting.'"

"That sounds more stupid than Jasp's idea. Sorry, Jasp."

"That stinks."

"Boo!"

"Alright alright...I deserved that. I deserved that."

"Hey...I know what we could call your super fast reflexes."

"Say it."

"Hit me."

"Super Fast Reflexes." And that could have just easier to say in the beginning instead of the other stupid ideas that Hen and Jasp came up with.

"It works."

"Love it."

"Done." We raise our glasses and clink them together. This was a long day.

A couple of days later

Again, no progress so far for Hood Danger yet. Everyone has been playing this game called 'Sky Whale' and I have to say. It's a good game. I don't get the point of the whale in the sky, but whatever. I turn the tv on to the news

"Okaaay, welcome back, female viewers. So, Captain Man and Kid Danger, how'd you guys defeat Doctor Minyak this time?"

"What did you do?"

"Uh, well, I was on this cargo plane, ya see."

"This is true."

"Yeah aheh. And uh, Doctor Minyak, he had me locked in a box."

"Ahhh, okay."

"Interesting..."

"Yeah, well, you know, these days, Doctor Minyak is kinda like a joke. So..."

"He always like, Ooo look everyone, I'm Doctor Minyak!"

"He does it so well."

"Listen to the stupid way that I speak! A'rum-rum-rumrum-rum." They show a bad pic of Minyak.

"Poor Doctor Minyak."

"What is he even a doctor of?"

"I know! Failure!!" I watch the rest of the segment and flip the channel.

Later-Hart House

I walk into Hen's house with Char and Hen. Jasp found a little boy without his parents. Jasp has decided to be the little boy's adopted father at only 17 until we can find the little boy's actual parents.

"No, I'm going to, okay."

"You have to tell him."

"How is this my responsibility?"

"Yes it is!"

"No!"

"Yes." Jasp walks in with the little boy.

"Seeeee? Yeah! Look! This is a house. Eh? Uh, can you say 'house?' Hooouuussse."

"House."

"Pfft. What's so hard about saying house? I mean 'house'. Oooo what a challenge."

"Dad, will you tell Jasper that he can't steal a kid?"

"Uh, his name is Bartfield." I have no idea why my brother possibly renamed this little boy, Bartfield.

"No it's not! Okay man? Nobody's name is Barfield! Nobody in this whole galaxy is named 'Barf' anything."

"Okay! Why don't you fly to Spain and tell that to the fine people of Barfelona!"

"Barcelona. It's Barcelona, Jasp."

"There is something wrong with you."

"You have been friends with him since we were 5 and now you're realizing that there's something wrong with him?" The doorbell rings.

"Ding dong, ding dong. Ding dong, doesn't anyone knock anymore? Everyone's always so worried about their precious knuckles." Mr. Hart goes and answers the door. Why are there two police officers at the door....Jasper!

"Oh. Piper, what'd you do?"

"Uh, can we come in?"

"Okay." The officers walk in.

"Did one a'you guys call the cops on me?!?"

"What? Uh...you know, I'm-I'm really not sure. I know I didn't, so..." Hen is pointing to Char.

"Charlotte!"

"Thanks. Why don't we go outside so you can throw me under an actual bus?"

"Look, we uh, we found this kid."

"I found him. In a neighborhood bush."

"Neighborhood bush..."

"And our friend and her brother here, Jasper, thinks he can keep him."

"Yeah. He's right."

"What?!?"

"Excuse me?"

"Ha!"

"Wait--seriously?!?"

"Yes. The rightful parents have 48 hours to claim the missing child."

"But if no one does, then the child belongs to whoever found him." I don't think that's legal, but in this backwards town. What isn't legal?

"Told ya."

"What?!?"

"Well, bye."

"Wait, what? You're just gonna--"

"Wait wait no..."

"Oh man, I think I left my gun at the bakery."

"Awww, Jerry." The officers leave. So, I guess we're going to have to deal with a little boy until we can find his parents or whoever had legal guardianship of the little boy.

"Aww. Who's a good boy?"

"You." Jasp and little boy hug.

Later-Man Cave

Schwoz is chasing Char and Jasp with some device that he made. If I were to say that about anyone else, it would be odd. But, with these three, it's normal.

"A-ha ha ha ha! A-ha ha ha ha!"

"Schwoz, quit it!" Uncle Ray and Hen come down the tubes.

"No, no, no."

"Ah!" Uncle Ray rings the bell.

"A-ha ha ha ha!"

"Up the tube!" They go back up. I have no idea what's going on.

Later-Man Cave

Watching AH news with Uncle Ray, Hen, and Char while we are messing with dolls for some reason. Why is Double G having a press conference right now?

"Now recently my good friend Snoop Dogg had a charity concert, but, unfortunately only raised only $227 million. But 25 of those dollars were from me! So actually Snoop Dogg only raised 227, 990...975 dollars." He actually counted that? Wow.

"Do the math. I did! Now I am proud to announce that on Friday night I, Double-- Bunny! Will you get your big paw outta the frittle sack?!? Now, on Friday night, I, Double G, will performing my own charity concert, with a target goal of 300 million dollars. Ahehehhehe. Didn't I say get the-- And my charity concert, that will help needy kids, will be televised around the world, to one 193 countries! Which, incidentally, is three more countries than Snoop Dogg had. Now, drop that like it's hot!!! Hey!!!"

"Double G! Double G! Double G! Double G! Double G! Double G! Double G! Double G!"

Hart House

Since Jasp has pretty much given my room to the little boy until who knows what will happen to the little boy, I will be staying with one of our friends. Mainly, because I am not sleeping in the basement after finding I think was a dead rat. So, I could ask Char if I could stay with her. But, the last time someone that knew us stayed over at her house, it did not go well. I could stay with Uncle Ray but, I'm not that brave yet. So, I guess I'll be asking the Harts if I could stay with them for a while. Why are there four kids at the door?

"Ulch, another doorbell ringer.

"They're here! Ooo, take this! It's your hotel confirmation number."

"You booked us rooms at the Stanes Hotel?!?

"Yeah! I packed your guys' bags--now get out."

"We can't afford the Stanes!" One of the kids knocks on the door.

"Ulch. Please you guys, just get out!"

"No."

"No, we want to meet these people you've rented our house to."

Chapter Text

Tess

"No, we want to meet these people you've rented our house to." Piper did what now? Maybe I could just suck it up and stay with Uncle Ray for a little while.

"No! What if they think you're weirdos, then leave and don't pay me?!?" If Piper wants money, I can pay her to stay here if they allow me to stay here.

"All right, I am not going to be called a weirdo in my own home!"

"Don't be a baby."

"I'm not a baby! I am 38 and a half years old!" Piper opens the door.

"Ah, great! You scared 'em away!"

"Hi Piper." Piper notices me.

"Expect for Tess. Why are you here?"

"Well, since Jasp has given my room to a little boy he found, I'm trying to find another place to stay for a little while."

"Mom, Dad! Can Tess stay here for a while?"

"Uh, sure." I walk in and Piper closes the door.

"You owe me a thousand dollars!" Which means, I may have to pick pocket Uncle Ray again for money if she want me to pay to stay here. Wait, why does Piper want a thousand dollars? Why are the four kids from outside in here?

"Helloooo?"

"Ahhh!"

"Why do they seem terrified?"

"I got this."

"No no Hudson."

"No no no no, Hudson, no."

"Hellooooo. We are from New Yorrrrk." I guessing he's not that bright. Also, why are four kids from New York here in Swellview?

"Um, sorry we scared you, but uh...nobody answered the door and that spooky girl was outside with us, so..."

"So, we went around to the back and uh--"

"Well, you're in the right place and that's just Tess. She's naturally spooky."

"Have been since I was days away from turning 11."

"I'm Piper, and this is your home for the next three days!" So, for at least three days, I'll be dealing with four kids from New York?

"Whoa whoa--"

"Now hang on--"

"What, you're gonna say nope? You're gonna throw four children out in the street?!?"

"That's not what we're saying."

"Oh come on, Piper."

"Um, look, we don't mean this to sound awkward,"

"but the deal I made says 'Only one resident of the house, Piper Hart, can be present during the rental term.'"

"Yep. They're right."

"Listen, girls, my husband and I can stay in a hotel,"

"But we would feel more comfortable if someone a little older, like our son or his friend, stayed here with Piper and you guys."

"Ohhhh..."

"Okay, I see..."

"No, that's not acceptable."

"But sorry, no can do."

"We need to focus on work."

"Absolutely not."

"Well, there's the door!"

"Hey, what goes on?" Hen comes down the stairs. I see the girls looking at Hen like they would with some cute boy...I see that's what is going to get them to change their mind. Though, they're not wrong for letting him be the one to change their mind. Okay, where's the music coming from? And the wind? Do they have the ac on high?

"Whoa."

"Dude's bringin' it."

"Um... H-he's your son?"

"Yes."

"Uh-huh."

"Yeah, we've reconsidered."

"We've changed our minds."

"Your son can stay."

"It's best that he stays."

"It kinda needs to happen." Back off girls. He's my age and hopefully one day will be mine. Now I feel like my eyes have turned into hearts that I hope no one sees right now.

Later

Mr. and Mrs. Hart have been gone for a little while now. So, now for the next three days, it's just me, Hen, Piper, and the four kids from New York that are in this house.

"Hey Trip, last month didn't one of us pitch a game about like the--Trip!" Game? Trip? Why does the Trip guy look like Double G's kid?

"Huh!"

"You guys we came here to work okay? I mean c'mon, you don't see me and Kenzie being all--Kenzie, what are you doing?" Yea, what is she doing? Why is she going through Hen's backpack? I forgot that Hen had a pack of cards in his backpack.

"Going through Henry's backpack." The backpack girl digs through his backpack again and pulls out a knife?

"I found his pocket knife! It has the initials TMD!"

"TMD? That's my pocket knife!" I take the knife from the girl and put it back in my pocket. I don't remember losing it. Did Hen take it? The girl rifles through his bag again.

"Okay, you are setting a really bad example for the bookshelf buddies over here. So, maybe you wanna--"

"Oooo!!! I found Henry's lip balm." I think I gave him that lip balm after he gave his to Jasp when resuced him, Piper, and that guy Piper was on a date with from Noelle, Miss. Shapen's niece.

"Bring that over here right now!" Great, now she's interested in his lip balm.

"Should we try it?"

"What are you insane? Of course, we're gonna try it!" And they're trying his lip balm.

"Hold the, okay don't hog the balm."

"Fine take it!"

"Yup. Oh, yeah..."

"Yup. That's good, right?"

"Hey, we're back."

"Ahh!"

"Oh!!"

"Put the cap--"

"Okay, okay!"

"Right here, right here!"

"Okay." The girls put the cap back on and put it back in his bag. I take the lip balm out of his bag and put a new one in. I toss the old one away. I don't think Hen wants their germs on his lips.

"Ohhh look who's back, Henry!"

"Hey Henry! You came back. You were gone so long."

"Yeeeaaah, we were gettin' worried 'boutchoo, boy." Dial it down, little girls.

"Uh, yeah, I was only gone for like fifteen minutes. Tess was still here."

"Fifteen minutes to win it."

"Yeah bae."

"Huh?" Piper comes in.

"Okay you guys, more Chinese food, comin' in."

"Alright!"

"Wooo!"

"Chinese! Chinese! Chinese!"

"Uh, I thought you girls said we were supposed to focus on work."

"Well, why can't we eat Chinese food and think of a new game at the same time?" New game? Wait, did Piper rent out their home to Game Shakers?

"Yeah, why not?"

"We can do that."

"New game?"

"Yeah, we uh--we make video games."

"We have our own company."

"Game Shakers." So, Piper did rent out their house to Game Shakers!

"Super successful." Geez, And I thought I was bad at flirting.

"Game Shakers? Wait, didn't Game Shakers make that game, Sky Whale?"

"Oh yeah."

"We did."

"Wh--shut up!"

"Okay!"

"No, it's just, I love that game! When did you--" Why is Hen's phone going off.

"Uh, hang on. My boss." I groan.

"Ugh, what does Uncle Ray want now?"

"His boss." Hen answers Uncle Ray.

"Ooo, he's got a jobbbb."

"A workin' man."

"Yeah, his boss is my uncle." They look at me weird. That is the truth.

"Hey, will you or Tessa come talk some sense into your silly friend/her brother?"

"I'm not silly. I'm a parent."

"You're 'apparently' silly. Bam--word play. You lose." What did Jasp do this time?

"Hey, what's the problem?"

"Jasper's trying to make me give him paternity leave!" You have got to be kidding me!

"I have a son. His name is Barfield, and I found him in a bush. And and and, according to state law,"

"Ulch..."

"'When a person becomes a new parent, that parent is entitled to three months of paid vacation, so that he or she may have quality time to bond with his or her new child." I think that only applies to if you or your partner have given birth. I could be wrong.

"What? You're not parent!"

"If no one claims my child by tomorrow night, I sure am! And state law says you gotta give me paternity leave!"

"Djip jip!"

"Hey no hey hey!"

"C'mon!"

"What, you want it?"

"Come on!"

"Oh, you can't reach it? Ohh, maybe you're too short to be a parent!"

"Y'know you're still on the phone with Henry." I walk over to where Hen is.

"And now Tess. Hi Uncle Ray."

"Dear mother, I forgot about Henry. Hi Tessa."

"Hey, somebody, save me some mushu. I like the mushu." I'm already digging into my pot stickers.

"What? Why do you need new shoes?"

"What?"

"Ahhh!!!"

"Oh, he's out the door."

"Barfield! Come back, son! Irresponsible."

"Hey. Ray, you there?"

"Yeah, it sounds like you got people over besides my niece."

"Oh, yeah, some kids are renting our house for a couple of days. Tess is also staying here for a couple of days."

"That's stupid, and why is Tessa staying over there for a few days?"

"Nooo, it's pretty cool 'cuz they're the Game Shakers!"

"And Jasp gave my room to the little boy that Jasp found in the bush."

"I don't know what that means. Also, Tessa, you could have stayed with me for a few days."

"Not brave enough to deal with what Schwoz may have left in my room for a couple of days."

"They're these kids that made a bunch of cool games, including Sky Whale."

"Wait, are you saying that the people who created the game Sky Whale are at your house, right now?!?"

"Yeah! Isn't that cool? Ray? Ray, isn't that cool? Hello? You there? Dude? Am I dangling?"

Later

"See?"

"Smart cookie."

"Okay, my fortune says...Um, 'You catch more flies with honey, than with vinegar.' What the butt is that?!?"

"That's your fortune."

"Noooo! A fortune PREDICTS something that's GOING to happen in the future!"

"She's right. I guess your fortune is more like a suggestion."

"Yeah, well then it's B.S.!"

"Whoah!"

"Which stands for 'bad suggestion!'"

"Ohhhh."

"It was an abbreviation."

"We were worried for nothing."

"Phew."

"B.S. means Bull shit, not Bad suggestion."

"Tess is right. Hey Piper, where ya goin' with those chop sticks?"

"I'm going to the Chinese restaurant, to tell them I'm not taking their bad suggestion."

"Ohhh."

"The abbreviation." Idiots. Piper leaves. Hope she's back before it's late.

"Well...My fortune says, 'A nice boy named Henry will fall in love with you.' "Oh my God." I lean over to the girl named Babe and whisper in her ear.

"Get in line, little girl."

"That's uh, pretty specific."

"You're pretty specific."

"What's up?" A window is smashed. Why is Uncle Ray here and dressed in his Captain Man uniform? Uncle Ray unlocks the door and opens it. Everyone expect for Hen and I are surprised that Uncle Ray is here.

"Alright. Now where's that burglar?" Not your best lie, Uncle Ray. Not going to explain to Mr. and Mrs. Hart of why that window is now broken.

"Whoa! Captain Man!"

"Shut up."

"Call window repair guy."

"Wait wait wait wait wait. That can't be the real Captain Man!" So, she's supposed to be the smart one but, I guess she's also not that bright.

"If I wasn't the real Captain Man, could I do this?" Uncle Ray breaks a vase over his head. Looks like the Harts are getting a new vase in the morning.

"Unh...and then say 'I'm oh-kay!'"

"That's his line."

"Cool!"

"That's him!"

"I know it!"

"I bought that vase for Mother's Day."

"Looks like your mom is getting a new one in the morning." A random kid walks in.

"Woah! Captain Man! I thought I saw you walk in this house."

"Heyyy, who's this kid, who I've never seen before until just now?"

"I don't know. And why are you talking, 'Like this'?"

"Captain Man?"

"Yes?"

"Well, you're such an awesome superhero."

"Wh-well...Go on."

"Oh man."

"I just wish there was a video game about you." That explains so much of why Uncle Ray is here.

"A video game about me? Come on!"

"I'd play it. I think all people would play it."

"Well, you're probably right. Take care." Did Uncle Ray just pay that kid?

"You said I could play with the laser."

"Ye-ti-shhhhh! Here uh, bring it back in ten minutes." He is insane! He's letting a child that I think may be either older or younger than Piper play with the laser?!

"Oh yeah!" The kid leaves with the laser.

"So, Captain Man, why are you here in my house?"

"Uh, to stop that burglar."

"Uh, well uh, there's no burglar." I butt in.

"You're also a bad liar, Captain Man."

"Well, we can't be sure."

"Well, I'm pretty sure."

"Well..."

"Hey--where's Kid Danger?"

"Yeah is he here?"

"Yeah where's Kid Danger?"

"Oh. He's uh...getting his nails done."

"Uh ha! Y'know what guys, I really doubt that Kid Danger would do something like that but, okay." I lean over and whisper.

"Ok, you're also a bad liar."

"Go, go, go."

"Stop it, stop it. Um hi! Captain Man, um, we're from New York, we run a mobile game company."

"It's called Game Shakers. Super successful." Like I said to your friend, little girl. Get in line. So far, three girls have dated him. Chole, Bianca, and Veronika. I don't mind Veronika, besides she's a villain. Though, the short while that they dated, she did seem to make him happy. Even if she only knew him as Kid Danger and not as Henry Hart. I really did like Chloe. Chloe did make Hen really happy before she left for the woods. I wonder how Chloe's doing. I really hate Bianca. I used to like Bianca until she became a bitch and well, the rest is history.

"So you're the Game Shakers?"

"Yeah."

"Ya!"

"Well, I wish I'd known."

"Yeah, well um, if you wanna talk with us about making a Captain Man game, I mean, we'd be totally into--" Who's phone is going off?

"Oh, dang it!" And it's Uncle Ray's.

"Uh, hold that thought." Uncle Ray answers a video call from Doctor Minyak...

Chapter Text

Tess

Uncle Ray answers a video call from Doctor Minyak...

"Aloha from Hawaii, Captain Man."

"Well well, Doctor Minyak."

"Wh--how is he alive?!? We watch him jump outta that cargo plane without a parachute." Hen, remember who you are with at the moment.

"Cargo plane?"

"Hello?!? Hello?!? Hello?!?"

"What do you want, Minyak?"

"Oh, not much. I just thought that since I'm here, relaxing in Hawaii, I'd tell you about my newest plan."

"What plan?"

"Mm! Well, I'm sure you've heard of this popular celebrity, Double G."

"Hey! That's my dad! I'm triple G!" That explains why the kid look like Double G's kid. He is Double G's kid."

"Uh, I'm kinda in the middle of a meeting right now, with some people that want to make a video game about me. So, you wanna tell me about your plan or not?"

"Of course I do! That's why I'm calling you from Hawaii. Oh!!!" Minyak knocks down the background.

"I think your Hawaii fell down."

"Yeah, I don't think he's in Hawaii." No duh!

"Now, perhaps you've heard that Double G's giving a huge concert, for charity, in New York City." What is Minyak planning?

"Yeah, everybody knows about that. So?"

"Well, that charity concert is not going to happen! Because I, Doctor Horatio T. Minyak, am going to stop it! Via sabotage!" Minyak's real name is Horatio?

"And there's nothing that you or those punks Kid and Hood Danger can do about it! Ha!!! Mahalo!" The call ends. How is Minyak going to sabotage the concert? It's New York, we're in Swellview. Unless...

"Oh my God."

"Who was that mean man?!?" That would be Minyak, Game Shakers.

"Doctor Minyak. Uh, is what--is what they called him...on the news..."

"Well, what's that freak got against my dad?!?"

"Don't worry about Minyak. His plans never work. "

"Well, what if this plan--"

"Shhh. Now, this mobile game you're going to make about me. Imagine me, Captain Man, fighting giant, moon robots with my sidekick, a female chihuahua." Those little dogs are vicious. Hen almost chokes on his drink.

"I love it."

"I like it."

"Yeah, great idea. Yes."

"I think it'll fly right off the shelves."

Later

All of the Game Shaker kids are set up in Hen's bedroom, which means I'll probably be sleeping on the Hart's couch. Not the first I did that. I have no idea why Kenzie is brushing her teeth in here. Babe is sniffing the pillow that's on the couch in here. Trip is freaking out about his dad. Hudson is just touching stuff in the room.

"Uh, Babe?"

"Hm?"

"Are you sniffing Henry's pillow?"

"Mm...yes." At least she's being honest. Trip is really worried about Minyak's plan against his dad which I can understand that. I would be worried about my own father if I was in Trip's place and if Dad and Mom were still alive.

"Okay, Trip, I don't think you're helping anything by walking back and forth and going," Babe mimics the noise that Trip was making. Uh-Oh, Hudson just found Hen's tube of gum. Hopefully, he doesn't use it.

"Well, I'm worried about my dad! I mean, we don't know anything about that guy, Doctor Maniac." Kenzie is finally done brushing her teeth and is spitting into a cup.

"Minyak."

"Well, whatever his name is, I don't want him messing up my dad's concert."

"Uh, you guys? You think it's cool if I have some of Henry's bubble gum?" And he's going to do it. I would stop him but, how do I explain to four kids that I met a couple of hours ago that is the gum for Kid Danger and Hen is Kid Danger?

"Yeah, whatever."

"Who really cares?" Hen's going to care since Uncle Ray will be getting on our asses if he finds out that they know that Hen is Kid Danger. Hudson pops the gumball in his mouth.

"Anyway, you can relax 'cuz now we know Captain Man."

"Yeah, Captain Man's not gonna let anything bad happen to your father."

"But my dad's in New York, not here in Swellview. I--I better go back home and keep an eye on him."

"No no no no no!"

"No sir."

"Nooo, the four of us came all the way here so we could focus and figure out a new game to make."

"Yeah riight. All you two wanna 'focus' on is 'handsome Henry.'"

"Oh what?"

"Aw, seriously?"

"Oh you mean these two? The smitten kittens?"

"They wouldn't be wrong to focus on Hen. He is really handsome." They look at me in shock.

"How long have you been in here?"

"The whole time."

"Wait, you think Henry's hot?"

"Yea." The girls seem to put the pieces together.

"You like Henry?"

"Yep. Why do you think I told one of you to 'Get in Line.'?" Hen comes in with towels for the kids.

"Hey hey. Piper said you needed towels?"

"Oh Henry, you're so sweet for bring us towels.

"Yeah, they look so soft and fluffy."

"I think it's more Piper yelled at him to bring you four towels."

"We love towels."

"Well, here they are." Hen sets down the towels and sees his tube of gum out and open. Hen grabs the tube. Hen looks over at Hudson who took the gum. Hudson blows a bubble. Here we go. Hen tries to stop it before it pops and Hudson becomes Kid Danger.

"Noooooooo!!!" Hudson is now in Hen's Kid Danger uniform. This is not going to be fun to explain.

"I don't..."

"Wha--"

"What? Is there gum stuck on my face?" Nope, but you got a little bit of Kid Danger.

"OHHH SH'WHOA!" It looks like He just realized what just happened.

"WHOA!"

"Okay, how did Hudson get dressed like Kid Danger?!?"

"It happened when he blew a bubble!"

"With Henry's oddly glowing gum." Uncle Ray is so going to be on our asses about this.

"Whoa man."

"I'm Kid Danger?!?"

"No!!! Henry is Kid Danger." Yep, Uncle Ray is going to be on our asses when he finds out about this.

"And the hot get hotter."

"Yeah...yeah. Uh...hm? Oh me? Kid Da--Uh--What? No! What? No, I'm--I'm just as confused as you guys. Oh my God! This is cra--" Hen lasers Trip, Kenzie, and Babe. He forgot about Hudson.

"Hehehehe." Hen lasers Hudson.

"Oh m'God! Oh m'God. Ohh...Oh." Piper walks in with pillows for the four that are now on the ground.

"Okay, here are some extra pillows--" Hen lasers Piper.

"Okay, okay. Piper did not deserve that."

"She may be annoying but, she did not deserve that, Hen." Hen gets spooked by me.

"Tess! I forgot that you were in here. " Hen continues to freak out a little bit. This sitution kinda reminds me of how Hen reacted when He found out that Char and I knew about his secret.

I hear Henry climb the tree and I hide a little bit until he gets in and Char turns on the light.

"You're home late."

"What are you.. How did you get in my house?"

"Hey Hen."

"Tess? Why are you two here?"

"Because I'm suspicious."

"She texted me to come over here."

"Of what?"

"Why did you climb in your window?"

"Because the front door was locked and I forgot my key."

"You know your parents always leave a spare key under the mat and Tess, why did you come through the window?"

"I didn't want to deal with Piper."

"I like your shirt and your pjs."

"Where have you been?"

"Working. You know, just working."

"Really? Because I called Junk-N-Stuff. Nobody answered."

"Okay. You want to know where I've been?" Yes, we would like to know. Kid Danger.

"Yeah."

"You want the truth?"

"Yeah."

"I'm a jazz musician. I don't tell a lot of people, but secretly, I play jazz and the only time the jazz clubs are open is late at night, so that's where I was, at a jazz club, blowing jazz... on my horn." Charlotte sniffs Hen's hair which if I remember correctly, Two certain superheroes were at a syrup factory, to put out a fire.

"Hmm."

"Why did you sniff my hair?"

"I heard on the news tonight that Captain Man and Kid Danger put out a fire at a syrup factory."

"Oh, did they?"

"Yeah. And your hair smells like syrup." Hen smells his hair, knowing that Char and I have figured out his secret.

"It does. I wonder why."

"Maybe because you're Kid Danger." Bingo, Bullseye, right on the money. How are you going to lie your way out of this, Hen? Hen scoffs at Charlotte saying that.

"Kid Da-- I wish. That would be nice, you know. Oh! Yeah. And I guess you must be Beyoncé, and you must be Katy Perry."

"Henry."

"Denial is not a good look on you."

"Okay. This is really big what I'm about to tell you both."

"What, that you're Kid Danger?" Really, Char. We were talking about this before Hen came home.

"Shut up! Just... Just..." Hen looks out his to make sure that there's no one out there to listen in on our talk. Once it's clear, he locks the door.

"I'm Kid Danger."

"I know. I figured that out."

"I knew that before Char did."

"Just promise me you two will never tell anyone."

"I promise."

"Same here."

"No, you don't understand. I took an oath that I'd never tell anyone that I'm Captain Man's sidekick."

"I swear. I'm never going to tell."

"Thanks."

"Can I tell Jasper?"

"No!" Henry and I both say in unison.

"Wha...?" I can't believe that it's been three years since then and my parents have been gone for six now. That is a bittersweet thing to say. So far, I haven't lost my best friend nor has he turned evil yet.

Later-Man Cave

We come down the elevator, while pushing the Game Shakers in a trash bin. Hen's idea, not mine. Char is also helping us.

"But I forgot how to re-attach myself!" I don't wanna know how Schwoz is able to do that magic trick.

"Henry! Help me!"

"No! No! I can't, man. I got somethin' goin' on right now."

"All right, that's it. Bork, take the half of Schwoz that has a mouth outta here." Uncle Ray!

"Ahh, no. No, no, nooo wait, wait! Wait, you have to take my feet! No! No! Stay alive! I will find you!" Bork takes the top half of Schwoz out of the room, leaving us with the bottom half. Hen covers Hudson's face with a tissue.

"Hey, Henry and Tess, who's in the--Hey, aren't those the Game Shaker kids?"

"Okay, now don't get mad."

"Uh, Heney, they're waking up." This is not going to end well.

"What? Oh shhh-arlotte! Open the elevator door!"

"Ah geez."

"Go! C'mon! Go! Go!" Char opens the elevator door and Hen pushes them into the elevator. Hen closes it and proceeds to mess with the electrical box for the elevator so they can't get out. We're so dead.

"Uh, what's going on?"

"Hey, why don't we all go have some hot chocolate?"

"Could we?" It should help soften the blow.

"Henry!"

"Hey let us out!" We should have knocked them out again before we put them in the elevator.

"Hello?!?"

"C'mon, open up!"

"The...The Hudson kid--he found my gum and he blew a bubble!"

"Oh no no no!!!"

"Then, and then he turned into, y'know, like me!"

"And everybody saw it?!?!?" Oh yeah. All four Game Shakers saw.

"Yes yes, they all saw man, they all saw, and then, and then that that Kenzie girl she figured out that I'm Kid Danger."

"Oh my God."

"And then--and then I-I freaked out. I freaked out, man! I freaked out. And then...I just, I just..."

"You just what?"

"I just started zapping. And I just, I-I couldn't stop. I zapped everyone. And then--then I zapped my sister! I zapped my sister man!" And now he's crying. Hopefully, Piper is ok.

Later

Hen and Uncle Ray transform into Captain Man and Kid Danger.

"Hello!" Hen goes to the elevator.

"Open the door!"

"All right, Kid. Time to clean up your mess."

"C'mon man--do we really have to erase their memories?"

"Yes! Now turn the elevator power back on and open the door."

"Let us out!"

"Don't be like this!" Hen turns the power back on and Char opens the door. Here we go.

"Ahhh, okay." The kids come out of the elevator.

"Owww, oh that's bright."

"Oh, the light."

"Are we in heaven?"

"Hey kids!"

"Hello, everyone."

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Who's?"

"Oh! Uh...My name is Daenerys Targaryen. And pretend I'm not here." And I'm hiding in Plain sight. Char walks away.

"Wh--what happened to us?"

"What is this place?"

"Hi everyone! Welcome to The Man Cave." I can't believe that soon they're not going to remember anything before the blast.

"Uh, now if you kids'll look this way, please toward me, I'm just gonna use this to take a pic a'you guys."

"Oh yeah! That's a great idea, c'mon everyone, let's get in close." They all get in close.

"All right. Here we go. One--"

"All right, stop it! If we're gonna wipe their memories, we should at least have the guts to tell 'em!" He's right.

"Wipe our memories?"

"What are you--Wait, what?"

"Naaaahhhh, it's fine. It's fine. It's just a camera. Heh, with a trigger." Stop lying to these kids and tell them the truth, Uncle Ray. If we're going to wipe their memories, we should at least tell them why.

"Okay, everyone smile and say 'amnesia'."

"What?"

"Amnesia???"

"He's gonna wipe our memories!"

"Wait!!! Wait um...If-if you wipe out memories, we won't be able to make the cool game about you." She's right.

"Yeah, and we had all those amazing ideas."

"I know, too bad, right?"

"Really good."

"Wait, wait, like, like what ideas?"

"Y'know, stuff like, you, Captain Man, and Kid Danger. Traveling through time, fighting moon-moon robots."

"Uh, y-y-yeah, big, scary moon robots!"

"And other villains from history."

"AND from the future." And Hudson is by Schwoz's feet.

"Ah, so like a time-travel angle."

"Yeah, yeah! And we'll call it um..."

"Uh, we'll we'll call it uh..."

"Crime Warp!"

"Yes! Crime Warp! That's definitely the name."

"Crime Wrap."

"This game sounds pretty sick, dude."

"Yeah, I know, shut up shut up shut up shut up."

"But...we can't make games without our memories."

"It's simple biology."

"Hey, whose feet are these?"

"Ha ha, hey, quit that! Hahahahahaaa ho ho ha ha aye oh." So, Schwoz's laugh spooked Hudson away from his feet. The alarm goes off. What's going on?

"Uh, what's that?"

"Breaking news."

"Go check it out. Please."

"There ya go." Char goes to the computer to check why the alarm is going off.

"There was trouble tonight in New York City."

"Also known as: The Big Pear." It's the big Apple, not Pear.

"That's wrong, Mary. Anyway, tonight, a brutal was attempted on famous rapper, Double G. Griffin, while he was in his office grilling a steak."

Chapter Text

Tess

"That's wrong, Mary. Anyway, tonight, a brutal was attempted on famous rapper, Double G. Griffin, while he was in his office grilling a steak." I can't believe that Minyak actually tried to go through with his plan.

"Dub!!!"

"My dad was attacked?!?"

"Shhh!!!"

"Okay, that's disgusting."

"And according to New York police, the attackers claimed to have be hired by a criminal from right here in Swellview, Doctor Minyak."

"Ulch Minyak."

"That's the guy who's trying to stop my dad from doin' the revenge charity concert!"

"Yeah, I'm following along."

"Luckily, Double G was unharmed. But, thanks to a box of fireworks, two of his main bodyguards, Bunford Simmons and Rutheford P. Ainsworth, were very harmed."

"Oh no no."

"Poor Bunny and Ruthless!"

"Ainsworth...hehehe."

"They'll be resting painfully in the hospital for a while, but the two bodyguards are expected to make a fully recovery."

"I guess they forgot to 'guard' their own 'bodies'." Char turns it off.

"This is a disaster!"

"No no--c'mon they said Bunny and Ruthless are gonna be all right."

"But they're in the hospital! Resting painfully! Captain Man, Kid Danger! You guys gotta come back to New York with us, to protect my dad! Please!"

"You guys swear you're gonna make a super cool game about me and Kid Danger?"

"Yes!"

"Totally!"

"Well Kids...looks like we're going to New York."

"Yes!"

"Thank you!"

"Are we really going to New York?"

"Uh, yeah, but not you, Schwoz!"

"Oh, come on--just take my upper half!"

"No thanks, that's disgusting."

"Or take my lower half! You can pick the half!" Looks like Uncle Ray, Hen, and I are going to New York with the Game Shakers!

Later-New York

At Double G's charity concert to keep an eye on him so Minyak or whoever Minyak hires doesn't hurt him like he hurt his bodyguards.

"Everyone in position?"

"Babe and Kenzie in position. Backstage is clear."

"Copy that. Hudson, you there?"

"Yep! I don't see Minyak anywhere."

"Henry, Ray, Tess, do you copy? Henry...Ray...Tess... Where are you guys?"

"Okay, hey Char. We're on stage. No sign of Dr. Minyak yet."

"Copy that."

"Babe, Kenzie. It's Ray. Can you hear me?"

"We do."

"Go Kenzie."

"Yeah, uh...for the Captain Man and Kid Danger game..." He is seriously doing this now?

"Ohhh."

"Yeah, I was thinkin' I should have really big muscles like even bigger than the ones I actually have."

"Now is not the time for that." I talk on the bracelet.

"I'm sorry for my uncle's massive ego."

"Hey, will you guys just keep an eye on my dad?!?"

"Yeah. It's all good Triple G--we got eyes on Double G right now."

"All right, let's butt left, butt right, butt left, butt right--Pick it up! Butt left, butt right. Yeah. Butt left, butt right." This is not the weirdest I have ever seen on missions like this.

"What're you doing?"

"What're you doing?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm not doing anything."

"What? Huh?"

"What's up? Let's go." We walk away.

"Attention, audience load in begins in fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes, guys."

Later

Looks like Barfield or Hickree's parents found him.

"Live ! From the Apollo Thirteen Theater! Double G!!!!!!!!!!!!" The concert starts. Here we go.

🎵 Drop that 🎵

"Mic!!! Shades!!! SCREAM!!!"

🎵 I GO BY THE NAME DOUBLE G🎵

🎵I'M LIVIN' THAT LIFE YOU WISHIN' YOU COULD 🎵

🎵I DO MY OWN THANG I DO IT SO GOOD 🎵

🎵LOW-KEY ALL MY PAPER IS RIGHT 🎵

🎵HIGH-KEY I'M THE GOAT ON THE MIC 🎵All the backup dancers including us start to come out.

🎵 YOU CAME FOR THE SHOW WELL I'M IT 🎵

"So what are we doing?"

"Just keep an eye out for Dr. Minyak."

"All right."

"And dance!"

🎵 NOT PLAYIN' WITH YOU 🎵

🎵 I DO WHAT I DO SO YOU JUS' DO YOU 🎵

🎵I JUST DO WHAT I DO SO YOU DO YOU 🎵

🎵 AND I'LL NEVA' FALL OFF 🎵

🎵 I JUST DO WHAT I DO SO YOU DO YOU 🎵

🎵 TOP DAWG I'MA BOSS 🎵

🎵 I'M IN IT TO WIN IT WE ON 🎵

🎵 MY SQUAD IS SO GOOCH YEA WE GONE 🎵

🎵 YOU TALK BEHIND MY BACK BUT YOU SMILE IN MY FACE 🎵

🎵 PASS ME MY SUNNIES THEY THROWIN' ME SHADE 🎵

🎵 ENOUGH I'M DRAWIN' THE LINE IN THE SAND🎵

🎵 SO WE KEEP IT ALL IN THE FAM 🎵

🎵 I KNOW THAT I MAKE IT LOOK EASY 🎵

🎵 LIVIN' SO HIGH CAN MAKE YOU FEEL QUEASY 🎵

🎵- NO BABY NO ONE CAN'T DO IT LIKE YOU 🎵

🎵 - NO THEY CAN'T DO IT LIKE ME🎵

🎵 - NO BABY NO ONE CAN'T DO IT LIKE YOU 🎵

🎵 - SING IT GIRL THEY CAN'T DO IT LIKE I DO 🎵 I see Minyak and the girls. Why are they over here?

"You guys! Minyak's on stage!"

"Where?"

"He's stage right, next to the big 'G'!"

🎵I JUST DO ME YOU DO YOU I JUST DO ME YOU DO YOU 🎵

"There!"

"Minyak."

"Get out of my--Get out of my way!"

🎵 NO BABY NO ONE CAN'T DO IT LIKE YOU 🎵

🎵 NO THEY CAN'T DO IT LIKE ME 🎵

🎵 NOPE THEY CAN'T DO IT LIKE I DO 🎵

"Let's go back there."

🎵 AND I'LL NEVA' FALL OFF 🎵

🎵 I JUST DO WHAT I DO SO YOU DO YOU 🎵 Uncle Ray, Hen, and I head to the back.

🎵 I JUST DO WHAT I DO SO YOU DO YOU 🎵

🎵 TOP DAWG I'MA BOSS🎵

"Okay Kid. Let's blow a bubble, and save a Double..."

"G!" Uncle Ray and Hen transform into Captain Man and Kid Danger. I take off the headdress and put my cloak on.

"Let's attack Minyak!" We head out back to the main stage.

🎵 I JUST DO WHAT I DO SO YOU DO YOU 🎵

🎵 AND I'LL NEVA' FALL OFF 🎵

"Captain Man and Kid Danger!?! Quick! Stop them!" Three guys lift off their masks. One of them has a weird face.

"I think those three dancers are Minyak's goons!" What gave you that hint, Char? The fact they're the only ones with the masks off?

"Copy."

"Goons?!?"

🎵 I JUST DO ME YOU DO YOU 🎵

"Sorry boys. Doctor's busy right now."

"Oh gee, that's too bad 'cuz uh, y'know, I got this thing on my hand.

"What thing?"

"Your face!" Uncle Ray punches one of the goons. Hen and I take on the other goons.

"I'm afraid that's a wrap, Double G. Oh, hold still!"

"You guys! Minyak's aiming something at Dub!" We take the three goons down. I see that one of the girls has moved the spotlight to blind Minyak. Minayk shoots but, misses Double G.

"Ahhh!"

🎵 AND I'LL NEVA' FALL OFF 🎵

🎵 CLAP YA' HANDS 🎵

"Goodbye to your voice, Double G--OH!" Minyak gets kicked in the face by one of the backup dancers.

🎵 EVERYBODY SAY IT WITH ME ONE TIME 🎵

"My thing! Where'd it go?"

"Captain Man! Kid Danger! Hood Danger! Minyak's weapon is right behind you!"

"Wait, where'd you say the weapon is again?"

"On the floor!"

"There! Kid! There!" Hen tries to get it but, he gets dragged away.

🎵 NO THEY CAN'T DO IT LIKE I DO🎵

"Ahhh. Get out of the way! Ahhh!" Minyak is going for Double G.

"Man, who the butt are you!?!"

"Doctor Horatio T. Minyak!"

"Look, if you want a selfie, this is the wrong time!" One of the dancers kicks it.

"Ahhhhh!!! Ah, what are you doi--"

"Kenzie! Grab this!" Hen kicks over to Kenzie.

"Oh, sweet! What do I do with this?!?"

"Blast Minyak!!!"

"And hurry before it's too late!"

"All right, but uh...I've never blasted any--Ahhh!!! AH! Hudson catch!!!" Kenzie disappears and one of the goons follows her. I see Babe running out with the weapon.

"Babe! Blast Minyak!"

"Anything for you, Kid Danger!" I swear I'm a ghost to everyone most of the time.

"You're ruining my concert!" Unfortunately, that's what Minyak is trying to do.

"Babe, hurry!" Babe climbs and aims. Here comes one of the goons. It tries to get her but, Kenzie and Hudson stop him. I help them take that goon down. Come on, Babe! Blast Minyak! Now! Babe tries to aim for Minyak.

"Dad! Jump!!! Hurry Dad! Jump!!!"

"Jump?!?!?"

"Jump!!! Hurry Dad! Jump!!!" Double G jumps and lands in Uncle Ray's arms.

"Hello Double G. Glad I could 'catch' your show."

"Ahahahah! Captain Man!!!" Uncle Ray lets go of Double G. Minyak grabs Double G's mic.

"Stop! Everyone hold your gyrations." Everything stops.

"People of the world! Look at me! I am the greatest super villain of all time!" Babe aims and she shoots. Here we go. Minyak gets hit.

"NYUUUUUHHHNNNN!!! NYUUUUUHHHNNNN!!!" Now he can't talk properly. Everyone laughs at him. The mic falls and Double G grabs the mic.

"All right. Let's bring it home!" The music comes back on.

🎵 I JUST DO ME YOU DO YOU 🎵

"W-wait, come on, guys, come over here.

🎵 I JUST DO WHAT I DO SO YOU DO YOU 🎵

🎵 AND I'LL NEVA' FALL OFF 🎵

🎵 I JUST DO WHAT I DO SO YOU DO YOU 🎵

🎵 AND I'LL NEVA' FALL OFF 🎵 All of us that came to New York, join the stage.

"Dad! Dad!"

"Ahh. Not now! I'm bein' applauded! Woooo!!!" We all dance. After the concert ends and everything else with the Game Shakers is done. Uncle Ray, Hen, Char, and I head back to Swellview. This was a very long day.

Chapter Text

Tess

So, some production company has decided to make a cartoon about Uncle Ray and Hen or to them, Captain Man and Kid Danger. Hopefully, it's not terrible. Since Piper is the president of the Man Fans, she's having the premiere party at the Hart House. I also hope that goes well too. Jasp has done something to his hair since Uncle Ray, Hen, Char, and I came back from New York. He straighten his hair and it looks good on him.

"Hey Ray, what's goin' on?"

"Henry! You've got to come to the Man Cave, right now!"

"Why? Somethin' wrong?"

"Nope! Everything's great!"

"Wh-why do you need--"

"Henry!" And Hen hung up on Uncle Ray because of his nosy neighbor. Uncle Ray beeps Hen again.

Later

Hen comes down with a Bundt cake? I'm guessing that's from his nosy neighbor.

"Alright! I'm here. I'm here. What's going on?"

"Tell him!"

"Ray, tell him!"

"Tell him now, Uncle Ray."

"Okay! Henry...you know about the cartoon they made--wait a minute, is that cake? What kinda cake is that?"

"Oh yeah, my neighbor lady made it for me. I think it's a 'butt-cake' of something--I dunno..."

"It's bundt--not butt."

"Ew, gross."

"Okay, who cares about the cake?!? Somebody tell me what everyone's so pumped about?!?" Hen puts the cake down.

"Okay, Henry...we are about to watch...the first episode...of the cartoon...about us...right now!"

"Wait, for real? Oh wait, I thought that cartoon doesn't come out for like two more days! How'd you guys get a copy?"

"Ya know the production company that's making it?"

"Yeah..."

"They sent us one by mistake!" Clearly the people that work at that production company are idiots.

"No!"

"I told Ray to send it back, but Schwoz talked him into keeping it so that we can watch it." I think we could technically keep it until they asked for it back.

"Ooo, I'm a naughty little boy!"

"Hahaha!"

"So, can we watch it?"

"Yeah, let's go!"

"Let's do it!" We head for table while Schwoz gets the screen set up.

"Okay everyone! Get your popcorn ready!"

"Popcorn!"

"Yeah, some popcorn!"

"Now wait...before we play the cartoon, I just wanna say...none of this would have been possible...without me." Here goes Uncle Ray with his big ego.

"Booo, get off the stage!"

"Hey! Hey! Come on!"

"Okay! Here comes the cartoon!"

"Ooo ooo, this is it, it's starting, it's happening."

"Shhh." The cartoon starts. The animation is not promising.

"Doop dee doop dee doop dee doo." The voice is not even close to Hen's.

"I'm Kid Danger...and I'm taking this bag of oranges to church. Doodly doodly doodly doodly doo..."

"Uh, hehe, why do I sound like a girl?"

"And why are you carrying a bag of oranges?"

"Shhh. Shhh."

"Doodly doodly doodly doodly doo..." Two bad guys show up in the cartoon?

"Boo!!!" You have got to be kidding me.

"Ahhh!!!" Hen does not get that spooked easily. Hen only gets easily spooked by me. Cartoon Hen drops the oranges. Those won't be good anymore.

"Uh, who...who are you guys?"

"Shut up!"

"Let's give Kid Danger a hard time!" They start pinching him? Ok, did no one making this cartoon not see a clip of Hen fighting? Hen has a superpower! Apparently Cartoon him does not.

"Owww! Owwwie! Leave me alone! Help! Captain Man! Come save me!" Is he now sucking his thumb? Ok, who was high when they did this?

"You'd never say stuff like that!"

"Yeah, and why am I sucking my thumb?!?"

"So far, my favorite character is the bag of church oranges."

"Shhh shhh, shut up, shut up, here comes the part with me in it." Cartoon Uncle Ray comes in with a propeller on his head?

"Don't suck your thumb!" Again, not even close.

"'Cuz here I come! Hey! Leave her alone!" That's why Kid Danger has a female voice. Kid Danger's a chick in this? They seriously haven't seen Uncle Ray and Hen together, have they?

"Okay...first, I don't fly...and second, I'm pretty sure I don't have a propeller growing out of my head."

"You don't!"

"I know I don't!"

"Now, this is what you jerks get for picking on Kid Danger. Frogs!!!" Frogs appear. When did Uncle Ray become B'Wana Beast? The "bullies" get eaten by the frogs?

"I didn't know you could summon flying frogs."

"I can't!"

"Are you okay, Boy Danger?" This cartoon sucks ass.

"Boy?!?"

"You don't sound like a boy."

"Thanks for saving me, Captain Man."

"You're welcome." Did Cartoon Uncle Ray's voice change?

"But now how am I going to get my church fruit to the festival on time?"

"I don't know what you just said...But climb upon me!" Cartoon Hen climbs onto Cartoon Uncle Ray and they fly away...

"Zoom zoom zoom to the moon moon moon!"

"Ahhh!!! That's all I need!" The cartoon ends.

"Okay, I'm sorry, but that was the worst cartoon I've ever seen in my life."

"It was very terrible."

"Pretty bad."

"Frogs, are vegetarians."

"They didn't even remember to take the fruit to the church festival!!!"

"Right!"

"Ahhh!!!"

Later

Uncle Ray and Hen as Captain Man and Kid Danger are on call with the people from the production company that made that cartoon we saw.

"Whoa whoa whoa, wait a second...you watched the cartoon?" Lady, are you deaf? I'm sure that's what they said.

"Yeah we watched it."

"Yeah we watched it."

"How?!?" Someone from your company is an idiot and sent it to us.

"You know what? You don't need to know how!"

"You sent us a copy by mistake!"

"Now you know how!"

"Anyway, the point is--the cartoon is terrible."

"Well, we all happen to think the cartoon is excellent." Then you all have no taste or a sense of humor.

"Yeah, my kid watched it and told me it was great." What did you bribe your kid with to say that?

"Okay, well, no offense dude, but somethin's wrong with your kid."

"Yeah, you got a bum kid, man."

"All right...since you two are apparently 'cartoon experts,' why don't you tell us what was wrong with it?" How much time do you got? Because there's a long ass list of how bad it is.

"Okay!"

"Okay!"

"We will then!"

"Maybe we will then."

"Here it comes!"

"Sure! Y'know what?!? I got this. I got this. First, I don't suck my thumb. And I've never gone, 'Oh, Captain Man, Captain Man, help me!'"

"Yeah, I don't have a propeller coming out of my head..."

"Or his butt..."

"Or my butt!"

"And they forgot the church oranges!"

"Yeah just flew away and left 'em right there on the ground!"

"Oh...okay...well, if you guys know so much about making cartoons, why don't you write your own dang script?!?"

"Oh! Oh! Is that, is that a challenge?"

"You'd like that, wouldn't ya?!?"

"Sounds good."

"Maybe we will."

"Easy!"

"Y'know what...you better call the FIRE department, 'cuzzz..."

"'Cuz we're gonna burn your houses down!"

"No no no. Too far. That was way too far."

"I'm terribly sorry, what?"

"You guys are fired!"

"Yeah yeah, you're fired. So, why don'tcha zoom zoom zoom to the moon moon moon!"

"Which makes no sense!" Uncle Ray and Hen hang up on them.

"Nice."

"Good stuff."

"Nailed it." We come out of our hiding spots.

"Okay, so...now what?"

"Now...Henry and I write a new script."

Chapter Text

Tess

"Now...Henry and I write a new script." This is not going to end well.

"Yeah, we write it."

"You guys do know that the cartoon premieres in two days?"

"And that neither of you has ever written a script before."

"Pffft, so?"

"So what? No biggie."

"Anybody can write a script for TV."

"Yeah, monkeys could do it."

"We can have a great hilarious script by tomorrow morning."

"Absolutely."

"Wait--you mean stay up all night?!?"

"Heck yeah, man."

"Dang straight."

"Jasper, go get us nine gallons of black coffee."

"On it!" Jasp goes to get nine gallons of black coffee of which we will be taking them to the hospital later.

"Char, go get us some sugar, and a stun stick."

"'Kay-kay." Char goes to get sugar and stun gun. Again, hosptail stay may be in their future.

"Tess, just stay there and be you."

"Ok?"

"And what about me?!? What do I do?!?"

"You...you got put on some writing music."

"Ooo!" Schwoz goes to put some writing music on.

Later

Music's playing and they're writing the script for this episode that I hope won't be a crap shoot. The time is almost 5:30 p.m. and we have just under two days to get this done. Schwoz is dancing weird. Uncle Ray and Hen are laughing their asses off while writing the script. Uncle Ray takes over writing the script.

9:05 p.m.

Almost four hours have past for the writing of the script. We see the script. I have to admit, it is funny.

Later

Coffee break. Now Uncle Ray is drinking coffee like a hamster in a cage. Uncle Ray is now wide awake. The music ends. Schwoz flips the record over and the music starts again.

2:08 A.M

I have downed more coffee than a 17-year-old female needs. Hen is about to fall asleep before Char tazzes him.

3:40 A.M

They have been writing for a little over 10 hours now.

Later

Schwoz is shampooing Uncle Ray's hair?

"Ohhh!!! Why didn't I think of that?!?"

4:19 A.M

I don't wanna know why Jasp's is doing that.

7:31 A.M

I have gotten maybe an hour of sleep, maybe two. Maybe 3, lost track a while ago. We have about 24 hours left until the premiere.

Later

We are now reading the script.

"And as Captain Man and Kid Danger watch the Evil Piece of Popcorn fly away on the bird..."

"We fade out, and..."

"End of episode!" We clap. I'm impressed of what they have accomplished in over 24 hours.

"Not too shabby, right?"

"Well?!?"

"That script is fantastic!"

"It's soooo hilarious!"

"See?!? Anybody can write for TV."

"Literally anybody could do it." But, no one can write a script like that.

"Like a monkey could do it."

"Yeah, you just push buttons."

"Kid Danger and Captain is what this is all about."

"Aaaand...I should note that we finished it 36 hours before the premiere." Now, we have to animate it.

"Boom!"

"Haha!"

"Well, hold on a second boys. It's nice that you guys wrote a great script, but now, how are we gonna get it made into a cartoon? By tomorrow night?"

"Well. Schwoz is a genius, right? And he can do anything."

"Yeah, so?" Get to the point, Uncle Ray.

"So you're gonna take our script and uh y'know, make it into a cartoon."

"Yeah, Schwoz!"

"You can do it!" That's only if Schwoz wants to do which seems like he doesn't have a choice in the matter.

"Yah, I don't know..."

"C'mon! You went to Cartoon Community College?" There's a school for that?

"Only for two years."

"So you'll do it?"

"I was up all night dancing, and we only have 36 hours. A lot of work. I can't--"

"He says he'll do it!" Not what he said.

"All right!"

"Fantastic, Schwoz!"

"Hey hey hey hey hey hey! I'll go make the coffee!" Jasp goes to make coffee.

"No but but--"

"I'll get sugar and pizza!" Char goes to get sugar and pizza.

"Wait a second!"

"I'll go get the stun stick!" Uncle Ray goes to grab the stun stick.

"Ooo, and I'll go get another antique music circle!" Hen goes to get the record.

"Wait a second--"

"And I'm crashing on the couch." I flop onto the couch. Schwoz tosses the script onto the table and pulls out his phone. Who is he calling?

"Yah, hello, this is Schwoz. Uh-huh. Yah, I'm going to have to cancel my colonoscopy again. Yah, again." I don't hear else for a while until I wake up again later.

Later

I wake up and everyone else expect for Schwoz is asleep. Ok, didn't think I was out for that long. I look up and see that Schwoz is done.

"Okay guys I'm fi--" What is Schwoz going to do? Schwoz pulls out a bag, fills it up with air, grabs a blaster, and blasts the bag which wakes everyone up. I was half awake now, I'm wide awake.

"Ahhh!"

"Ahh!!!"

"I finished."

"Huh?"

"Wait, what?"

"The script you guys wrote. I finished making it onto a cartoon."

"For real? That's awesome!"

"Hey! Alright Schwoz!"

"Yeah!"

"Good job!'

"Oh okay! Alright! Stay with us."

"You good? You good?"

"Hey hey hey! It's already 7:35."

"Oh man! They're supposed to show the cartoon at eight!" Which we have 25 minutes until they do so.

"Jasper, Charlotte--you two clean yourselves up, go to my house, and stall everybody 'til we get there!"

"Clean myself?!?" You know what Hen means, Char. We've have pretty much been living here for the past two days.

"You know what I mean! Go go go."

"Schwoz--you put the cartoon on a thumb drive."

"Yah, okay."

"Hey, start the car. Tess and I'll wait here and get the thumb drive." Good thing I took a shower last night.

"Good thinkin'." Uncle Ray heads for the tubes and his tube comes down.

"Up the tube!" Uncle Ray goes up and so does the tube.

"Okay Schwoz, we forgot to come up with a title so what are you thinking we should...Schwoz?" Schwoz is passes out on the amination desk.

"Awww. He's sleeping." Hen strokes Schwoz's hair before he spooks him.

"SCHWOZ!!!"

"AHHHHH!!!"

"I have an idea for the title."

The Hart House

"Here they are." We get Hen's house with the cartoon. There are a lot of people that are here to watch the cartoon.

"Hey!"

"Thank you. Yes! Aw, you guys don't have to stand. We are very proud of who we are."

"You guys are much!"

"Hashtag: blessed!"

"Grateful! Humble."

"I love my life."

"Hey! Did you bring the cartoon?!?" Hen hands Piper the thumb drive with the cartoon on it.

"Boom." Mr. Hart grabs a megaphone.

"Okay everyone! Take your seats! The new cartoon will start in one minute! So, wait...where's Henry and Tessa?" Uh-Oh.

"Yeah! We can't start the cartoon without Henry!"

"Who's Henry?"

"Where is he?"

"Uh...sorry, we are not waiting for Henry or Tess."

"No. I'm worried."

"I haven't seen him for days."

"Hey! It's already 8:15. Okay? I got no time for more complications! Take your seats!!!"

"How about here and here?"

"It's gonna be great!"

"Okay, okay." Uncle Ray sits on a guy who just sat in the seat that Uncle Ray was going to sit in.

"Hey guy--you jacked my seat!"

"No, this is my seat!"

"Dude dude dude..."

"What what?"

"Dude dude dude."

"Stop that. What?"

"That's Shaun White."

"Well, I don't care if he's Betty White! I'm sittin' in this seat, right here!" Uncle Ray grabs Shaun White out of the seat so he can sit in the seat."

"Then I'm sittin' in your lap!"

"Yeah, well you won't be the first Olympian who sat in it!" I don't wanna know." Uncle Ray sits in the chair and Shaun White sits in Uncle Ray's lap.

"Told ya' I'd sit here."

"Good. I'm glad you did."

"Good. I'm glad you did!"

"Good. I'm glad you did."

"Good. I'm glad you did."

"Okay everyone!" We sit down, and I end up in Hen's lap.

"Okay Charlotte!"

"Here we go!"

"Dude! We forgot to give the cartoon a title!"

"Uh yeah, don't worry about it, I took care of it."

"You did?"

"Mhm!"

"Well, what title did you pick?"

"Hm???"

"The Adventures offffff...Kid Danger!" Uncle Ray does not seem pleased with the title.

"Shhhh. The show's starting...Look over there." The cartoon starts.

🎵 Here we go up the tube 🎵

🎵 Fighting crime is what we do 🎵

🎵 A superhero and his sidekick with a plan 🎵

🎵 Who's the one behind the mask 🎵

🎵 Who can move super fast 🎵 So, I now know how Schwoz drew cartoon me. Yeesh. I don't know who you should be afraid of. Actual me or cartoon me. I say both. Though, doesn't this cartoon reveal our identities? Wait, I forgot how much of this town are idiots.

🎵 It's Kid Danger 🎵

"And look."

"It's Captain Man."

🎵 So come along 🎵

🎵It's the Adventures of Kid Danger 🎵

🎵 'Cause this is all 🎵

🎵 For the Adventures of Kid Danger 🎵

"I'm okay!"

"Feels good." We watch the episode. It turns out to be better than the original one.

A couple of days later-Man Cave

Char is watching some weird makeup tutorial.

"Now, to save money on eye shadow, I suggest using...Paprika." Is she insane? Using a spice as eye shadow can't be good for the eyes. The woman in the video applies Paprika on her eyelids. Her eye is starting to burn.

"And instead of foundation, which is really expensive, you can use...hummus." That is just nasty. She applies the hummus onto her face with a tissue?

"Oh, and notice I'm not using a sponge. This is just an old tissue I found in the trash." Now, this video is just pure disgusting.

"Yeeeeaahhh, I'm not puttin' hummus on my face." Char pauses the video at the same time that tubes go off. Uncle Ray and Hen are back. The tubes come down and so do they. The tubes go up.

"Hey hey..."

"Hey!

"Hey Charlotte and Tessa."

"Hey what's up Char."

"So what happened?!?"

"Oh, well...we showed up at the playground, right?"

"And there's like a bunch of second graders playin' in the sandbox..."

"They were playin' in the sandbox..."

"Yea. I just said that."

"Yea, right...but what the kids didn't realize was..."

"That uh, there was a nest of scorpions right in the sandbox!" I'm sorry, what?!?

"Scorpions?!?"

"Oh yeah,"

"Crawling all over them."

"Freaking out."

"They're like, ahh! Ahhh! They're on my face!"

"For the love of God, get these scorpions off of me!"

"And then we just grabbed a fire hose."

"Big ol' fire hose."

"We just uh...sprayed the scorpions off the kids." Why is Jasp calling?

"Hey, that's Jasper calling from upstairs."

"Uh...great." Char goes to answer the call.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Hey, it's me, Jasper." No duh, Jasp.

"Yeah, we can see you."

"Cool. Uh, so, Henry..."

"Yeah what's up big dog? What do you need?"

"Your sister is here!" Why is Piper here?

"Wha--Why? What does she want?"

"I don't know! I told her you were busy, and then she got mad and said she's not leaving 'til she talks to you!" That's not good.

"Um, are you sure she's mad?"

"Uh, yeah! Look at her pacing angrily!" Jasp shows us Piper pacing. Yeesh, that's seriously not good.

"Look, just tell her I'll see her at home, before I leave for New York."

"Huh? You're going to New York?"

"Yeah, for the weekend. So is Tess."

"Why?"

"'Cuz you don't need to know why, that's why." Yes, my best friend is not the best at hiding his reasons. He's going to see a girl that we went to camp with a long time ago.

"Well! Tessa, why are you going to New York with Henry?"

"Let's see. This superhero is an orphan due to great tragedy that causes him to be raised alone by his butler in a worn-down city. He becomes the said hero out of revenge and protecting the people of the said worn-down city. In other words, he is vengeance. He is the Dark Knight." Uncle Ray gives me a look before he figures out what superhero I'm talking about. "Batman?" "Yea. You said that I needed to get a well-known superhero to say that Hood Danger should be official." Yeah, a few weeks ago I wore Uncle Ray down to the point of him agreeing to make Hood Danger official was making a deal that I had to get a well-known superhero to say that I'm a good superhero. If that said superhero agreed, then Uncle Ray is willing to make Hood Danger official. "I forgot that I said that."

"Hey! I already tried telling Piper you'd talk to her later."

"And?"

"She grabbed my earlobe and yanked it, really hard! And then she started asking all kinds of questions about Junk 'N' Stuff, and why you're never here, and why there's no customers..."

"All right Kid, maybe you better go upstairs and get rid of your sister."

"All right, okay, I'll be back in a sec."

"I'll come with." We head for the elevators before Uncle Ray stops us.

"Uh, Kid...?"

"Huh? What?"

"Maybe you wanna chew some gum before you go see your sister?" Forgot that Hen's still in uniform.

"Why, is my breath bad?"

"Yeah, it smells like Kid Danger."

"Ahhh...Good catch."

"Uh-huh."

"Nice one."

"That's why you're the boss buddy." Hen pops a gumball before we get into the elevator." We go in. Hen transform into his normal self and we go upstairs.

Junk 'N' Stuff

Why is Jasp watching "Kevin Can James" right now?

"Oh, come on, honey."

"Will you turn that off?!?"

"But I'm watching 'Kevin Can James'."

"Well where is Henry?!?"

"I'm right here."

"Hi Piper."

"Ulch, it's about time! Hi Tess."

"Hey turn that off."

"But this is the episode where Kevin is finally gonna James!" Jasp turns it off.

"Okay what?"

"I need your help." With what?

"Uh...no."

"You don't even know what I want you to do!"

"Well I have a job here, okay Piper? You know, I'm working."

"Really?!? 'Cuz every time I come here to see you, you're never in this store, so what exactly do you really do around here?" Now, do you want the lie or the truth? Because the truth is that Hen is Kid Danger and this whole shop is mainly a cover for the fact that the Man Cave, Captain Man and Kid Danger's lair, is a half mile below this shop. The lie is that your brother mainly works in the basement.

"Well...I sometimes work...in the back...in the garden." And that have been a better lie.

"There's a garden in the back?"

"Yeah...k it's a rear...it's a rear garden. So...Rear garden." And that's not going to make Piper, isn't it? Ugh. I don't hate Piper, I just don't like dealing with my future sister-in-law. Yes, I'm trying to be hopeful that my future lies with Hen and I being together. Shit, still need to tell Uncle Ray about my crush on Hen.

"Whatever, you gotta help me."

"With what?"

"Get a boyfriend!"

Chapter Text

Tess

"Get a boyfriend!" She wants a boyfriend? Why?

"Gross."

"It's not gross, it's gonna be magical!"

"Okay look Piper, I don't know how to get you a boyfriend."

"I know! You don't know how to do anything!" Rude.

"That's why I have it all planned out."

"Ooo! What's the plan?"

"Okay! There's this new boy in my school, right? And his name is Jackson Bartell."

"Whoa, great name."

"Can I go back to my rear garden please?"

"No! Listen..."

"Hear your sister out, Hen. There may be a point to this."

"Every day, after school, Jackson goes to that coffee shop on Pine hurst." I'm afraid to find out why she knows that.

"Oh, uh...Downtown Brown?"

"Yeah."

"Y'know, they have great wifi."

"I know that."

"So, this uh, Jackson guy...does he like you?" Probably not since he doesn't know Piper well.

"No! 'Cuz he's never met me!"

"You said he goes to your school."

"He's new!!! I told ya that!" Rude much?

"C'mon, the plan, the plan!"

"Yeah, what's your big plan?"

"And talk quick, Miss. Rude."

"Okay, the plan is, we create the perfect meet cute." Meet cute?

"Ah, yes, yes, a meet cute!"

"Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-wait. What is a 'meet cute?'"

"It's like in a movie, when the main guy and the main girl meet in some cute, funny way, and then later in the movie they fall in love." Well, the movie that my love life is like right is like the movie, Some Kind of Wonderful. Hen is Keith, I'm Wats, and all the other girls he's been interested in are the girl Amanda, that Keith in the movie is interested in. Wats is into Keith but, Keith is too busy chasing after Amanda to realize that like Hen is too busy chasing after other girls to realize that I'm into him.

"Yeah! Sooo, what I need now is a meet cute with Jackson Bartell!"

"I don't know anything about meet cutes, so..."

"I know! That's why I made an animatic, to explain my plan!"

"You made an animatic?!?"

"Let's see it!"

"Okay, and...there." Piper shows us her animatic. This plan is most likely not going to go the way she wants it to go.

"Whoa, you animated Downtown Brown."

"Shhhh! Watch. Now, see that kid sitting at the table, doing his homework?"

"Yea."

"That's Jackson." So, that's possibly what this boy looks like. I can see what she likes in him.

"Ahhh! I knew it! I knew when I saw his name flashing."

"And that's me, coming in the door there."

"Okaaay..."

"Right...."

"Get to the point, little girl."

"And Henry, that's you, over there in the corner." Why does he look like a weird version of Jasp?

"Why is my hair brown and curly?"

"'Cuz I animated it brown and curly."

"But why?"

"I guess I've never really liked your hair, so I tried something new."

"But I like my h--"

"Can I please get on with my plan?"

"Yeah, all right."

"I like your hair."

"There's Tess just sitting over there." I see how Piper animated me. Wow. She got me right.

"See, as I walk past Jackson's table, you come running at me like a crazy person, and you yell...GIMME THAT PHONE! And then you grab my phone, right outta my hand!"

"K..."

"Wow."

"And then, when you have it, I yell...AH! THAT JERK JUST STOLE MY PHONE! at which point, Jackson will jump up and yell...HEY HEY WHOAH MAN." Did he just rip his shirt Hulk Hogan style?

"And then he will tackle you...rescue my phone and give it back to me. And that's it! Questions?" The animatic ends.

"Yes, when did you learn how to make animatics?"

"That's not the point!!! Will you and Tess help me?!?" She wants my help?

"C'mon, even if I say yeah, how do you know Jackson's gonna do all that? I mean, how do you know he's gonna do anything to help you?"

"He's got a point."

"Love maybe!"

"What?"

"Yeah, what?"

"Yes! That's Jackson's favorite movie, Love Maybe!"

"Such a good film."

"Okay wait, what did I miss here?"

"In the movie, Love Maybe, this is exactly how the girl and guy meet!"

"So...Some dude tries to steal Emma Stone's phone, but Channing Tatum tackles the dude, gets Emma's phone back, and then they fall in love on a green boat."

"But there's no boat in Piper's animatic."

"Forget about the boat! Okay? You let me worry about the boat."

"I'm just sayin'--"

"Can we please go so we can have our meet cute!"

"Noooo!"

"No?!?"

"Why no?!?"

"Because, I'm working, okay working, working...I gotta separate these nuts and bolts...and Tess and I have to leave for New York tomorrow so Tess and I don't have time for your meet-cuting! I'm sorry!"

"Oh c'mon, you can't take a half an hour to help your sweet sister?" Uh...Has she not meet herself? Last time she was "sweet" was at her first birthday. She hasn't been "sweet" is almost 12 years.

"My sweet sis--My sweet sister? When I nine, you pushed me down the stairs!" I was there when it happened. Mainly because both of my parents were working and the Harts were watching me. That was not fun having to explain to Mr. and Mrs. Hart that 5-year-old Piper pushed Hen down the stairs.

"I am sweet as a bee."

"No you're not."

"She still tells me that I'm nice. Oh, she does. Yeah, she does." Hen and Piper continue to argue.

"Family helps Family!"

"I'm not gonna get involved in your little schemes, Piper! I'm not gonna help you. Tess might help you." Uncle Ray walks and he's eating popcorn.

"I know Jasper is low voltage--"

"I have my own ambitions."

"But I think he can watch--"

"I have my own dreams."

"All right, all right, that's enough, knock it off, c'mon, I mean it. I don't wanna hear any more arguing in this junk store." And they're quiet.

"Fine."

"You're not the boss of me." Uncle Ray tosses the popcorn in his hand to the ground.

"That is true. But I am the boss of your brother, Henry. And technically the boss and Uncle to your brother's friend, Tessa." Here we go.

"And since you're directly related to Henry via the transitive property, ex post facto, as long as you're standing in this commercial property, vis-á-vis, I am, in fact, somewhat...the boss of you."

"What?!?"

"That made no sense, Uncle Ray."

"Piper, you're creating a disturbance in my workplace!"

"Oh please, I've never seen anybody 'work' in this place!"

"Okay. Well..."

"Look at Jasper...just sittin' there, doin' nothin' but stuffin' his face fulla popcorn!"

"Piper, go!"

"Hey! You're his boss..." And she's playing the boss card.

"Dang right."

"Then tell him that when a guy's nice little sister needs help to make a meet-cute happen, her nice brother should say yes and do his best to make her dreams come true!!!"

"Yeah man, what's wrong with you?" And we're doomed.

"What?!?"

"She needs a favor man, she's your family."

"I-I get that but--"

"Do you have any idea what I'd give to have my sister, Tessa's mom, back?!? But I never will...all because of a dark night here in Swellview...and that shooting by a villain that cause the death of Tessa's parents." Reality starts to shift into the night my parents died. Back when I still hated Uncle Ray...Way before I even found out he was my Uncle.

7 years earlier

"MOM! DAD!" I ran as fast as I could to them but they were already dead. I saw the man that I later found out that his name is Drex heading in my direction and I tried to run until I ran into a man in red and blue.

"Never fear, Captain Man is here!" If I wasn't paralyzed with fear and known that Drex was a former sidekick of Captain Man at the time, I would have told him off right then and there! Captain Man created the monster that killed my parents! I don't hate him but, I don't like him either. Since that day, The Dunlops adopted me. Hugo Dunlop was my dad's best friend while Iris Dunlop was also one of my dad's friends. They were also my Godparents. Jasper, even before we became legal siblings, I considered him my best friend and brother.

I should explain who I am before we continue. My name is Teresa. I go by Tess. My full birth name was Teresa Mara Nicholas, but for the last three years, it's Teresa Mara Dunlop. I'm 13 years old and today is not a good day for me. Well, this day hasn't been a good one for three years now. Today is the day that my parents died by the hands of Drex, villian and former sidekick of Captain Man. I don't like Captain Man, then again I never cared for him even before my parents death. I have a slight hatred for the proud hero of our town of Swelliview, since he is the reason for my parent's murderer. My parents have been gone for 3 years shy of a decade now, and there is no way without rewriting history is Uncle Ray going to meet them in person. Unless he dies between now and whenever he does pass. I should take Uncle Ray to cemery one of these days. Mainly to show him where they're buried. Reality shifts back in.

"Oh my God. Seriously?"

"Yes. But, maybe you should appreciate having a sister who's still here and breathing and not six feet under."

"Okay, what planet have I landed on?!?"

"Y'know, you've spent more time whining about why you won't help me, when if you had helped me, we'd be done by now and I'd have a boyfriend named Jackson!" And I want a boyfriend who's name is Henry who is standing in front of me. We can't always get what we want.

"Look Piper, I want to help you but--"

"Kid, go help her."

"I have to pack for my New York--"

"That's an order."

"I'm on my lunch break man."

"Piper, Tess, c'mon, let's go." Hen picks me up? Ok, seriously! Do I weight anything to him that he can easily pick me up?

"Oh yay! This is gonna be so great!"

"Oh yeah so great."

"Hen, do I weight anything to you?"

"A little bit." Ok, got my answer. Hen carries me until we get to Downtown Brown.

Downtown Brown

Hen puts me down when we walk into the coffee shop.

"There...over there, see him? The cute boy in the blue jacket?"

"Yeah, I see him."

"Isn't he cute?!?"

"Not my type, but I can see it."

"I have no opinion on that."

"Well trust me, he's super cute." Cool?

"Alright. Cool. Okay. Boy Blue Jacket. Super cute. Now can we please get this over with?" Why did I just now realize that Piper brought her bag with her? Right...I was kinda staring at her brother's butt for most of the walk over here. What? Don't judge me!

"Yeah hang on, wait..."

"What is that?"

"Giving you a disguise--just hold still and be quiet!" Why is he wearing a disguise?

"WHat!?! Wh--why is this necessary?!?"

"'Cuz! When Jackson becomes my boyfriend, he's gonna meet you some day, and I don't want him to think my own brother tried to jack my phone!" Yet that's what she's doing right now. This plan is going to blow up in her face.

"Alright welll...But what about--yeah okay, that makes sense." Now Hen looks older by a little bit with the disguise.

"We good?"

"Now bend down." Why is Piper holding a bandanna?

"Why do I have t--"

"'Cuz I said bend down!"

"Just bend down!" Hen bends down and Piper puts the bandanna on his head to cover up his hair. This plan is so gonna fail.

"Yeah Mom, I sent you the flowers." Ok, the kid is a little too sickling sweet.

"You did? Why?"

"Ah, no reason."

"Oh c'mon, what's the reason?"

"Just 'cuz you're my mom." Maybe a too sickling sweet.

"Oh my God...You're perfect!"

"Okay, okay, you look good." Ok, I lied. That does not cover his hair completely.

"Yeah I dunno 'bout this."

"You remember the animatic?"

"Yeah, how'd you make that?"

"I'll tell you later! Just go hide and get ready! GO!" Hen does a bad job of hiding. This is so gonna blow up in our faces.

"No way! Your mom got a new car! Does it have a sunroof? It does? Oh my gosh, when you open it, can you see the sky? You can?!?" Hen comes out of the "hiding" spot and does what Piper's animatic shows him showing for this.

"Hey! Gimme your phone!" Maybe you should have told him to mask his voice.

"Whaaaaa?!?" Hen tries to take Piper's phone.

"No! Oh my gosh, HELP!" He takes her phone.

"Haaa!"

"That jerk just stole my phone!"

"Hey whoa man! Just give her back her--" A very tall woman gets up.

"WHAT THE BUTT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOIN'?!?"

"OH MY GOD!!!" The woman tosses Hen.

Chapter Text

Tess

The woman tosses Hen. And that's where the plan has blown up in our faces. The tall woman grabs Piper's phone and hands it back to her.

"Here's your phone, kid."

"Great, thanks so much." The woman sits down and so does the Jackson kid.

"This was not covered in the animatic." A person that works helps Hen up. Looks like we're gonna need a plan B.

Later-Junk 'N' Stuff

Piper walks in and almost lets the door slam in Hen and I's faces. Yea, she is not happy with what happened.

"Uh, you wanna help me?"

"Why? Did you help me? No. You ruined my meet-cute!" No, he did not. The tall woman who tackled him didn't know that's why he grabbed your phone.

"Oh my gosh, Henry, what happened?!?"

"Hen, are you okay?!?"

"No! I'm not."

"All right, tell us what went down."

"Oh I'll tell ya what went down! My body! Down! Through a table! Onto the floor!"

"What's this green stuff?"

"Probably avocado. For toast."

"Sooo, Piper's animatic didn't work in real life?"

"I think it's obvious that it didn't."

"It woulda worked! If Henry had done his part right!"

"Well what was I supposed to do?!? I ran across the room! I grabbed your phone! I said my line! But before Jackson could run in, some powerful woman grabbed me, and hurled me across the room! Geez!"

"Well, why'd you let her throw you across the room?"

"And the one person that I didn't think would be one to victim blame, Charlotte."

"She didn't offer me another option, Charlotte."

"Whatever, just get cleaned up so that we can go back to Downtown Brown and try again."

"Are you insane?!?" We say in unison.

"I'm not trying again."

"After what just happened, you want to do this again?"

"We have to try again!"

"Nah, I dough not either, no I dough not!" Did he hit his head that hard?

"You said dough."

"I meant do, everybody here knows I meant do!"

"I have a question. Why's it so important for you to have this 'meet-cute'?"

"Huh?"

"Why can't ya just go over to Downtown Brown, walk up to this uh...this uh boy you like..."

"Jackson Bartell."

"Okay him...and just say, 'Hi Jackson, my name is uh...'"

"Piper!"

"'Piper, my name is Piper...and I really like you...soooo what do you think a'that?'" That would make more sense than this shit storm of a plan.

"Oh Ray, come on." And we lost our smart one.

"That would never work in the real world! Except maybe for old people!"

"Then my parents were old people because that's kinda how they met."

"Hey, I am not old!"

"Oh please, what are you, like thirty?"

"No I am n--Yeah. Yeah, I am like, thirty." Uncle Ray is 37. Don't ask me why he's lying about his age. He doesn't like saying his real age for some reason.

"Whatever. Just tell Henry that he has to help me--and I need you guys to help me think of a new meet-cute plan!" She has lost the mind she was born with.

"Noooo!"

"Yes!"

"Look Paper, I know that you're like seven and you think you know everything..."

"I'm Piper and I'm twelve!" Yeah, she's almost 13, Uncle Ray.

"Be that as it may...I'm gonna show you that young love can begin with something as simple as a, good old fashioned 'Nice to meetcha, howdaya do.'"

"Yeah, try that."

"C'mon, let's go."

"No! I'm not going 'til we come up with another meet-cute plan, and then I have to make an animatic of it!" And she didn't learn from the first one that it's not going to work this time.

"When did you learn how to make animatics?!?"

"That's not the point! Look we're going to do thus my way, so that I--" Uncle Ray lasers Piper which knocks her out. Good! She was getting on my nerves. Uncle Ray picks her up.

"Alright...I'm gonna carry her over to Downtown brown."

"Good, take your time." Uncle Ray leaves with Piper on his shoulder.

Later

So, Piper still ended up getting her guy. Jackson got hit in the head with a case that fell off the wall. She dressed up as one of the paramedics and got her guy in the ambulance. Now, Hen and I have to leave for New York soon. I wonder if Hen and I will run into one of the Game Shakers.

Chapter Text

Tess-New York

Hen and I just got off the plane from Swellview to here in New York. While Hen is here to visit a few people in Brooklyn, I'm here to prove myself to a superhero in Gotham. Hen sent a video message to Babe from Game Shakers before we even left Swellview, a week ago. Maybe he wanted to see her and not a girl from camp. Yes, we are here in New York, away from home during Valantine's day weekend. While I do want some romance during this trip, I first want to prove myself that I'm worthy of becoming Captain Man's sidekick.

Gotham

So since Uncle Ray A. Knows Batman/Bruce Wayne, he's made a deal with him for me to stay with Batman for the weekend at his home and B. doesn't want me to be by myself with Batman, he's also made a deal to have Hen stay with me at Batman's home also. Even though, Hen is most likely going to be in Brooklyn for majority of the weekend while I will be here in Gotham for the weekend.

Wanye Mansion

We get to the door and knock on the said door. An older gentleman answers it.

"Ah, I'm assuming you two are Teresa Dunlop and Henry Hart from Swellview?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Come in. Master Bruce is expecting you." We walk in. Man, this place is huge. This place is bigger than the Man Cave. The door closes behind us. Where is Batman or Mr. Wayne? The nice older gentleman takes our bags. I'm guessing to the rooms that'll be ours for the weekend.

"Follow me, Miss. Dunlop and Mr. Hart." Where is he taking us and I hope Hen brought his gum to transform into Kid Danger. We follow the nice older man to something underground? The older man puts in a code and a door opens? We go into the underground room and it finally dawns on me where we're at. I'm guessing this is the Bat Cave. We follow until we see Batman then, the older man leaves. Batman looks at us. Is this how the weekend is going to go?

"Hood Danger/Teresa Dunlop and Kid Danger/Henry Hart from Swellview."

"Um, only Kid Danger is official. Hood Danger is technically unofficial."

"My apologies."

"This is the reason why I'm here in New York this weekend. Since I made that deal with my uncle, Captain Man."

"You're Ray Manchester's niece?"

"Yes, sir."

"I'm surprised that he didn't make Hood Danger official a long time ago."

"Well, I guess Uncle Ray would have before he found out that we're related."

"What do you mean?"

"Meaning what caused my uncle to change his mind is that he realized that he created the monster that killed my parents, his sister and brother-in-law."

"My condolences." The room goes silent for a moment before Hen speaks.

"So about that deal that Ray made with you."

"Right."

"What deal did your uncle make with you?"

"Uncle Ray will be willingly to make Hood Danger official if a well-known superhero, such as yourself, said that I'm worthy enough to be considered a sidekick." Batman looks me over before he speaks again.

"I assume that you have fought crime while being considered unofficial?"

"Yes, sir."

"You are quite the talented fighter."

"Uh, thank you..."

"You have a good head on your shoulders, and you prove to be useful to your team." So....is he going to say that I'm worthy to be considered a sidekick?

"Teresa Mara Dunlop, you are worthy of being considered a sidekick." Yes!!! Meaning that now Uncle Ray has to make Hood Danger official!!!

"Thank you, Mr. Batman."

"Just Batman will do." Yes! I hug Hen. I can't believe that once we get back to Swellview that Hood Danger will be official.

"Now, for the rest of your time here, I don't expect you to fight crime with me. You may tag along if you choose to do so." Yay!!!

Later

So...Hen has dragged me along to this Slow jam thing at the Game Shakers headquarters. Apparently, Double G is experimenting with Slow jams. I also found out that Jasp packed a dress, heels, and some hair and makeup supplies in my stuff without me knowing. I put the stuff on because I guess I deserve to be pretty on Valantine's day. Hen and I get on the train heading for Brooklyn. We get off and head to the Game Shakers headquarters. Hen texts Babe when we get closer to there.

Game Shakers Headquarters

We walk in and what the hell? Why is Double G singing a pie recipe? Not the weirdest thing I've ever heard.

🎵 Cast iron, aluminum...🎵The Game Shakers spots us. Damn! They look pretty good for today.

"Babe! Babe, look, look, look, look, look!"

"Why, why, why, why, what do you want me to--" Did Babe just fall? I hope she's ok.

"Okay everybody...Just be cool, be cool!" Babe comes up to us.

"Hey!"

"Hiiiiiiiiii."

"Hey. How have you been?"

"Awesome, awesome...um, welcome to New York and who's the girl next to you?" Do I look that different when I'm all dressed up?

"Thank you. I-I I'm so psyched. I don't even know what I'm gunna..."

🎵 JAM AND JELLY JAM AND JELLY 🎵

🎵 JAM AND JELLY 🎵

"Uh, I'm sorry, is Double G slow jamming about jelly?"

"Yes, yes, it's a long story. So, the pretty girl next to you?"

"Oh, this is Tess. You've met her before."

"Hi."

"Oh, Tess. You look pretty."

"Thanks."

"Hey let's go sit." Babe grabs Hen's arm and Hen grabs mine.

"Ooo, shhh, here they come!" Hen and I get dragged over to where the Game Shakers are sitting.

"Hey!"

"Hi!"

"Hi everyone."

"Wow, it's good to see you guys ag--Did that cream work for you?" Don't wanna know.

"Oh it did bro!"

"Did it really?" Hen's phone goes off. Must be that girl from camp.

"Ooo umm, I'm sorry guys, I'll be back in just a second. Is that cool?

"Yeah sure, whatever, you do your thing man."

"Ya go for it."

"Before anyone asks, this is Tess. You've met her before." Hen leaves.

"Oh Hi Tess."

"Hey, will you guys please go sit over there, y'know, so Henry and I can have this table to ourselves?" Which means I'll be sitting with the others while Babe is sitting with the guy I'm into.

"Yeah, 'course!"

"Sure, sure!" They get up. I follow them before I'm pulled back. Ook. I assumed that I would be going to the table with them, but ok.

"Oh my God Kenzie, I swear, this might be the most exciting night--"

"Hey...who-who's?" I turn around and see the girl from camp with Hen.

Chapter Text

Tess

I turn around and see the girl from camp with Hen. Man, has she gotten prettier since the last time we saw her?

"I don't know."

"Who, who..."

"Heyyy. Yo yo."

'You're back."

"So, Valerie--these are my friend, the Game Shakers uhh...That's Babe, Kenzie, Trip, and Husdon. You remember Tess?"

"Hey."

"Hi."

"And guys, this is Valerie."

"Hi! And hi again, Scary Tessa." She's not wrong.

"Hey, Valerie."

"Valerie?" Oh, she's disappointed. I'm guessing she thought that tonight could have been the night that they become a thing. Great, now I wanna start crying. Mainly because if Babe and Henry became a thing, I wouldn't see my best friend much anymore outside of work and school. He would always run back to New York to see Babe.

"Mhm, the girl I came to see this weekend." Babe is seriously disappointed. I don't blame her. If I was in her place and assumed Hen was coming to see me for the weekend, I would be that disappointed and hurt too. I mean, I'm already starting to feel that way right now and I knew that Hen was coming here to see Valerie.

🎵 Grandma...Grandma...🎵

Later

"It's time to get this jelly and jam pie mix into the oven." We are all sitting and this is not a fun time.

"Oh ya I love this jonjerale...Anyways, so me, Valerie, and Tess went to camp together, when we were what, like twelve?"

"We were little." I was 5 when I met Hen at camp for the first time. I already had known Jasp since almost birth because of how close my parents and Jasp's parents were. I didn't even meet Char until a couple of months later during recess in elementary school.

"Anyways, she said she was comin' to New York, and I was like, let's go--and so I called Babe, 'cuz you were like born here right?" Oh, poor Babe. Poor baby got used by a boy she is into. Yea, the Game Shakers aren't too happy with Henry right now. I don't blame them.

"Babe's the one who uhh, hooked us up with this whole Double G slow jam thing."

"Double G is so good."

"Soooo good."

"Alright now, if you with someone that makes you happy inside, I need you to get up and dance. C'mon ya'll, get your blood movin'..."

"Hey, you wanna dance?"

"Ya sure. 'Scuze us..." Hen and Valerie get up to dance. I think I heard another heart besides mine break.

🎵 Serve it up warm, with whipped cream and desire 🎵

"Man, they sure do look good together." I look over at Hudson.

" You're not helping right now, Hudson."

🎵 And crust 🎵

"Aaaaaaaaaand I'm leaving."

"Right behind ya."

"What-Babe, Tess. No you two can't leave." Babe and I walk out.

"No, no."

"Babe, Babe. Tess!" I take my heels off and just walk barefoot since I left my boots back at Wayne Manor. There is a good chance that I'll be crying this makeup off tonight. I think that Babe will probably crying hers off tonight. Babe and I get into a Zipper car?

"Hey. How much to drive us to..." There's no one but us in here. This is not going to end, is it?

"Uhhh..."

"Welcome to your self-driving Zipper Car."

"Oh good, no driver. Now we can cry in private." We buckle up.

"What is your destination?"

"Just drive around in circles until our emotional pain goes away.""

"Confirmed."

"Great." The car starts driving. I thought the tech that Schwoz made back home was weird. I think this takes that place. Unfortunately, I don't think it's dawned on Babe that Valerie is just Hen's friend from camp and not his girlfriend. No, his last girlfriend was a bitch and thank God she left for the Woods. Ok, did this car get faster? This is good. And the one time I need my pocket is the time I don't have with me. Damn this dress for not having pockets. Let's see, I think Batman is fighting Joker in Gotham. Spiderman is fighting Doc Ock in New York City. Captain Man is still in Swellview. Wait, Hen brought his Kid Danger gum with him and I left my cloak back in Wayne Manor. Damn it! I left a lot of stuff I need right now back with Batman. The car is going past the SPEED LIMIT?? If Hen does get here soon, Hen is going to have to explain to the others in New York and back home in Swellview of what happened to Babe and I. Babe is on the phone with Kenzie.

"Hey! You guys!!!! Babe and Tessa's Zipper car is out of control."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Huh?!?

"Babe and Tessa are in a self-driving car, and it's gone berserk!!! She said it's taking crazy turns and it's already up to 75 miles per hour and they can't make it stop."

"Well where are they?!?"

"Uhh, Babe, where are you guys right now?!?"

"We're., uhhh...We're heading east on uhh Fourteenth, abut to pass Hamilton!" Good that she can read the signs right because I can't!

"They're heading east on Fourteenth, about to pass Hamilton!!!"

"Well that means they're headin' back around this way!"

"Here, gimme the phone! Uh, go tell my friend Valerie and Tess that I had to go do somethin'." Ok, as much as I love Hen, he's an idiot. A cute one but an idiot regardless.

"Uh, Tessa is with Babe."

"Wait, what? Hang on Babe and Tessa."

"Yeah sure okay!!!"

"Trying the best we can, Hen!" Hen hangs up on us. Seriously, Hen! Get here fast! I have no idea how much longer until this car crashes into something.

"Opening sunroof." Okay, that's going to be one way for Hen to come into the car.

"Why?!? Neither of us didn't even mention the sunroof!!!"

"It's possessed!!!"

"Babe! Babe!" Ok, I'm wrong. He didn't hang up on us.

"Yeah?!?"

"Tell me when you two are comin' up to the Front Street overpass!"

"Oh, okay, okay umm...Oh! There it is, we're comin' up on it now!!!"

"Okay, you're about to hear a LOUD THUMP!" Is Hen going to land on the car?

"But don't get scared!!!" I think it's already too late for that!

"Wait, wait! What am I about to--"

"Ahhh!" I just heard a thump. I was right about Hen landing on the car.

"Ohhhhh-kay, that hurt!" Well, duh! You landed on top of a car!

"Henry!!!"

"Ya, I'm coming in." Hen comes in through the sunroof.

"Do you need--?"

"No I'm good."

"I can--"

"No I got it."

"I don't think you have it."

"I got it." Hen pretty flips himself over to get into the car. I move over.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Whoa we're movin' fast!"

'WELL NO DUH!!"

"And Tess is already starting to freak out a lot."

"Ya! I know! Why didn't you tell me about Valerie?!?"

"ARE WE SERIOUSLY DOING THIS NOW??"

"What? I'll...just a sec!!!"

"Okay."

"Alright, I'm going up front." Hen moves to the front without hurting himself.

"Okay alright Alright!" Hen tries to steer it with the wheel.

"Stop touching my wheel." Ok, plan B.

"C'mon! C'mon brake! C'mon, stop!!!" Ok, plan C.

"Turning right."

"No, no, no, no, no, no--" The car makes a very sharp right and I pretty much become one with the car while Babe tries to become one with my back.

"Closing sunroof."

"What? I didn't say to close the sunroof!"

"IT'S POSSESSED!!"

"I know she's obnoxious! And why is Tess yelling?"

"IT'S A TRAMA COPING MECHANISM OF MINE WHEN IT COMES TO SITUITONS LIKE THIS! I'M SORRY!"

"I heard that."

"Okay, hang on. Hang on-hang on. Call Schwoz!"

"GOOD IDEA! SCHWOZ MAY BE ABLE TO HELP US!"

"You're making a phone call?!?

"Calling Schwoz."

"Henree! How's New York?"

"Schwoz!!! Tess and I are in an outta control Zipper car and we're about to die!"

"WAY TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD, HEN!"

"HOW DO I STOP THIS CAR?!?"

"Okay okay uhhh...open up the front panel in the middle of the dashboard..." Hen hands his phone to Babe.

"Uhh front panel, front panel! Uh, Tess, did you bring your knife?"

"I FORGOT IT AT WANYE MANOR!"

"Babe, do you have anything in your purse that I could pry this open with?!?" Babe digs through her purse.

"Uhh, yeah-yeah." Babe pulls out a spoon? Where did she get the spoon?

"Yeah, here's a spoon!"

"You keep a spoon in your purse?"

"Yeah, I eat a lotta yogurt!"

"WHY NOT? I KEEP MY KNIFE IN MY HOODIE!" Hen uses the spoon to pry it open.

"Alright. Okay. Schwoz! Schwoz, it's open now what?!"

"All right, look for a red wire."

"A red--dude, there's all kinds of red wires!!! Which one"

"BE MORE SPECIFIC, SCHWOZ!"

"Henry, we're gonna hit that truck!!!"

"Ah geez!!! Alright, watch out!" Hen flips over to the backseat and lands on me.

"OW! WATCH WHERE YOU LAND NEXT TIME!"

"Sorry Tess! Okay, protect your eyes!!!"

"My eyes?!?"

"Just--" Hen protects Babe's eyes and I pretty bury my face into his shoulder since he's still sitting on me! I head Hen starting to burn the lasers. The car finally can be control manually now. Hen steers the car.

"Dude!"

"Okay. Alright. Hold on. Hold on." The car slows down and pulls over. I move over to the passenger front seat so I don't get sat on again.

"Okay, we're stopped."

"Yeah."

"Finally. Now tell me about Valerie." This little girl is insane. I think more so than Piper.

"She's just a friend."

"Yeah okay, and like, how friendly?"

"Like...like we're buds from camp, y'know? I mean, Valerie has a boyfriend."

"Oh...Oh!" Looks like I'm going to be the only one crying my makeup off tonight.

"Well, I am so happy for her." Hen grabs a gumball from his tube.

"Hey uh...If you don't mind I'm uh, I'm gonna change back into...y'know, me."

"Oh. Okay uh, should I like...close my eyes or...turn around cuz...I don't know what-what happens?"

"Nah hah, you'll be all right."

"Okay. Alright." Hen pops a gumball and transform back into his normal self.

Chapter Text

Tess

Hen pops a gumball and transform back into his normal self. When we get back to Swellview, soon I will be able to do that along with Hen and Uncle Ray.

"And here I am."

"Yeah, heyyy you." Hen tries the door and it's still locked.

"It won't open."

"Oh yeah...mine's stuck too."

"Unlock car."

"I don't think it works anymore."

"Yeah, this is not gooooooood. Do you wanna know somethin' weird?"

"Yes."

"I am starving." I think I saw a sandwich shop somewhere around here when the car was going berserk.

"Oh! Hey! Hey!"

"What?"

"Ya. Hold on."

"You wanna share what's left of my Nut-N-Fruity Bar?"

"Shoosh yeah I do. Oh wow, and look at this...Look what we got right here. Some free Zipper Car water."

"Whoa!"

"We are set."

"Sorry thirst, you lose. Right."

"Some good water. You gotta try it."

"Mhm."

"Wow. Look at this. A red rose."

"Oh yeah...I guess somebody must've dropped it in the car, earlier tonight."

"Ya." Hen gives Babe the red rose. I'm seriously crying this makeup off tonight.

"Happy Valentine's Day." And there goes my heart breaking. Babe takes the flower.

"Happy Valentine's Day."

"Happy Valentine's Day." Shit, forgot that we still had Schwoz on the phone.

"Shut up, Schowz." Ok, I need to leave before I start crying in front of them.

"Hey, Babe?"

"Yea, Tess?"

"Are there any good Sandwich shops or just somewhere to get some food?"

"Uh, yea, I think Fooders is still open."

"Thanks. I'll see you back in Gotham, Hen." I pry the door open and walk off to Fooders.

Henry

Babe looks pretty tonight but, Tess looks hot. Kinda wish I brought her boots with me so she didn't have to walk barefoot or in heels. The dress Tess is wearing, Jasper didn't it for her. I did. I thought she should look pretty for Valentines day. Not saying she isn't pretty most of the time, but thought she should show that pretty more tonight. I thought tonight would have been the night that I would have worked up the courage to ask Tess out, but I chickened out. Babe is pretty but, she's a little young for me.

"So..."

"So."

"I can tell you like Tess." Was it that noticeable?

"How could you tell?"

"The way you looked at her when she left. So, do you like Tess that way?" Here goes nothing.

"I do. A lot."

"Have you asked her out yet?"

"No." Babe looks shocked.

"Why not?"

"'Cuz I'm kind of too chicken to ask her out."

"Because she's kinda scary?"

"Part of that, but I'm worried that it might not work out between us."

"Why?"

"Tess didn't really like superheros for three years of her life until I became Kid Danger."

"She didn't?"

"Yea."

"Why?" And here I'm about to tell my friend's trauma story.

"Because one of Captain's Man villains killed her parents right in front of her. So, it may her not trust them for three years of her life."

"I'm sorry for her loss. How long have her parents been gone?"

"7 years now."

"Oh. So, are you going to go after her?"

"Are you sure? Will you be ok walking back to Game Shakers?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, see ya."

"See ya." I get out of the car, hang up on Schwoz, and head towards the direction where Tess was heading. Before I get to Fooders, I stop somewhere to get a rose for Tess. I find a purple rose for Tess instead of the red rose I found on the floor of that car that I gave to Babe. I head to Fooders where I see Tess sitting at a table by herself, heels off, and eating soup.

Tess

I ordered soup when I got here. Soup sounded good. Why is Hen here? I thought he was still with Babe in that Zipper Car. Is he holding a purple rose? Hen walks over to me.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"I brought you a flower." Hen hands me the flower.

"Thanks." I heard music playing. A song starts to play. After All? By Cher and Peter Cetera?

"Hey, wanna dance?"

"Sure." I take Hen's dance and he takes me towards the middle of the restaurant to dance. The music gets turned up a little bit and we start to dance.

Well, here we are again I guess it must be fate We've tried it on our own But deep inside we've known We'd be back set things straight I still remember when your kiss was so brand new Every memory repeats Every step I take retreats Every journey always brings me back to you

After all the sops and starts We keep comin' back to these two hearts Two angels who've been rescued from the fall After all that we've been through It all comes down to me and you I guess it's meant to be, forever you and me, after all

When love is truly right (This time it's truly right) It lives from year to year It changes as it goes Oh, and on the way it grows But it never disappears

After all the stops and starts We keep comin' back to these two hearts Two angels who've been rescued from the fall After all that we've been through It all comes down to me and you I guess it's meant to be, forever you and me, after all

Always just beyond my touch You know I needed you so much After all, what else is livin' for?

After all the stops and starts We keep comin' back to these two hearts Two angels who've been rescued from the fall After all that we've been through It all comes down to me and you I guess it's meant to be, forever you and me, after all

We keep dancing even after the song ends. When the restaurant is about to close, I pay for my soup, grab my heels, and we leave the restaurant. Hen picks me up.

"Hen! I can walk!"

"But you're barefoot and have heels." Hen carries me to the Subway, sets me down on the train, and does it again until we get to Wanye Manor.

I had fun tonight. But, it's going to be better once Hen and I get back to Swellview after this weekend. Soon, it will be Captain Man, Kid Danger, and Hood Danger.

Chapter Text

Tess

Hen and I just got back to Swellview and now heading to the Man Cave to do something. I have the letter that I had Batman write. Mainly because I wanted to get that I'm worthy of being a sidekick in writing. We walk through Junk 'N' Stuff to get to the elevator to downstairs. Once we get downstairs, we see that no one is here?

"Ray! You here?"

"Uncle Ray?" Why am I off the ground now? I know it's not Hen that picked me up because I'm staring right at him. Jasp's not working today. Char and Schwoz are not that tall. Meaning that's Uncle Ray that is holding me off the ground.

"Hi Uncle Ray. Can you please put me down now?"

"Yea, sorry." Uncle Ray puts me down.

"So, how was New York?" I hand Uncle Ray the letter.

"You actually got Batman to write this?"

"Yep. Meaning that you gotta hold up your end of the deal now, Uncle Ray." Uncle for Ray thinks about it? Come on! I did my end of the deal, now he's gotta do his end! I've been fighting crime with him and Hen for 4 years now! It's time for Hood Danger to be official!

"I don't know if you're ready for that kind of responsibility..."

"Come on, Ray! Tess has been fighting crime unofficially for four years! It's time." Uncle Ray thinks about it for a few more seconds before he makes up his mind.

"Alright. Welcome aboard, Hood Danger!" Yes! It's official!

"Now, for you to pick your hero costume."

"I just assumed it would be the Kid Danger costumes with a few modifications and a hood."

'Well, both of you have different body types. So, there will be adjusts made. SCHWOZ!" Schwoz comes running out."

"Ya?"

"Get the Kid Danger costume."

"Why?"

"Because we're making the Hood Danger costume."

"You finally agreed to make Hood Danger official?"

"Yes!"

"Ooh! Yay! I'll go get the tube." Schwoz goes and gets Hen's backup tube so we can get this started. Schwoz comes back with Hen's backup tube. I take one of the gumballs and blow a bubble to technically transform into Kid Danger. It is obvious that Hen and I have different body types and body parts for a reason with this costume. Schwoz disappears again and comes back with a sewing kit? When did Schwoz learn how to sew? We get started on making the Hood Danger costume.

Later

So far, we have gotten to the cloak that I will wearing as Hood Danger and my mask which will hide my eyes. The said mask will also have my prescription in it so I can see while I'm in my Hood Danger costume. Technically, it's up to Uncle Ray and Hen of what Hood Danger will look like since I only had thought about how I would hide my identity by covering my hair and eyes, but they're not agreeing on what the costume should look like. I just always assume that Hood Danger would be wearing the Kid Danger costume but, with a cloak and a mask which you can't see her eyes without her pressing a button on the mask to show them. Yes, I've asked Schwoz to add that to the mask. So, for the past 20 minutes while my best friend and Uncle have been arguing about this, I've been standing here with the cloak and mask while Schwoz has been trying to draw what they have been suggesting. I've seen some of the drawings...A lot of details that expose a lot and leave very little to the imagination of which have been Hen's ideas for some reason. The others being very modest of which have been Uncle Ray's since A. Hen and I are under the age of 18, and B. I am Captain Man's niece, and I don't think that Uncle Ray wants people or guys to look at Hood Danger like that. I think Schwoz is getting tired of hearing Uncle Ray and Hen arguing.

"I don't know how much longer I can take them arguing."

"If they don't stop in the next five minutes, I say let's design the costume ourselves."

"Deal."

5 minutes later

So, they haven't stopped.

"I guess we're designing it ourselves."

"I guess so. So, Teresa...How do you want Hood Danger to look?" I stand up and Schwoz grabs his sewing stuff.

"Cut the sleeves short." Schwoz cuts the sleeves short. I take the gloves off and hand them to Schwoz.

"Black with red lines." Schwoz designs a new pair of gloves for me. I put the gloves on, we're getting somewhere. Schwoz fixes the costume to make it fit my body type. We also change the boots to be complete black. 5 minutes later and we get the costume that Uncle Ray and Hen have been arguing about designing for about an hour now done. I like how Hood Danger looks now. I take the costume off and hand it to Schwoz.

"I will be right back." Schwoz leaves to make the gumballs for this costume. Schwoz comes back in 10 minutes later.

"Here you go, Teresa." I take the tube from Schwoz and pop a gumball. Uncle Ray and Hen stop arguing when I transform into Hood Danger.

"Schwoz! We finally--When did you two get the costume done?"

"While you two have been arguing. Now can we get Hood Danger official already?"

"Right." Uncle Ray and Hen get their tube and pop a gumball. Uncle Ray and Hen transform into Captain Man and Kid Danger.

"All right, Tessa. Henry, you'll remember what I'm about to say. Tessa, raise your right hand." I raise my right hand.

"Spread your fingers." I spread my fingers. Is this what Hen had to do when he became Kid Danger?

"Put your left hand over your right lung..." I put my left hand over my right lung? What the heck.

"And repeat after me...I, Teresa Dunlop and Teresa Nicholas." And we're going full names, aren't we? And did Uncle Ray just use my birth last name? The last name I haven't legally used in 7 years?

"I, Teresa Dunlop and Teresa Nicholas."

"Pledge to be an awesome sidekick to Captain Man..."

"Pledge to be an awesome sidekick to Captain Man..."

"And to never ever ever tell anyone that I am Captain Man's second secret sidekick."

"And to never ever ever tell anyone that I am Captain Man's second secret sidekick."

"And it's done. Now, to make it more official to the citizens of Swellview."

"What do you mean?"

"Henry! Go set up a live stream."

"Ok." Hen goes to set up the live stream.

Later

"Now, we have Captain Man and Kid Danger streaming live."

"Ready, Tessa?"

"Ready."

"Hello Citizens of Swellview! It is me, Captain Man."

"And Kid Danger."

"I would like officially introduce my niece, Hood Danger." Uncle Ray is getting brave with that.

"Hi."

"She is officially a sidekick along with Kid Danger."

"I promise to protect Swellview and it's citizens." The livestream ends and I end up trending. One of the best days of my life.

Chapter Text

A couple of days later-Tess

So, Hood Danger has been official for a few days now which is great. There hasn't been too much crime since then. Last time I checked, Drex is pretty much on pause and in storage. I have no idea why I just thought about Drex. The murderer. Hen comes up the tubes from storage downstairs. It still amazes me of how big this place is.

"Hey, what's up guys? Do you guys know what time Dog Judge--" Here comes Schwoz with a bucket of popcorn.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! Hurry! It's about to start!" Schwoz pushes Hen out of the way.

"Somebody turn on Dog Judge! Ugh..." Hen gets back up.

"Hey--gimme those eight-volt batteries?"

"Yeah, sure--here." Hen hands Uncle Ray the pack of eight-volt batteries. Forgot that's the reason why Uncle Ray had Hen go down to storage.

"What do you need eight-volt batteries for?"

"For my vibrating soap." Now, I have dirty thoughts of what to do what that soap. What? I'm a 17-year-old girl who is horny for her best friend. Nothing wrong with that.

"But why wou--Nevermind."

"Ah, dark nougat!"

"'Sup?"

"These are seven-volt batteries! These won't make soap vibrate!"

"Sorry, I thought they w--"

"Jasper, are you upstairs?"

"Yes sir!"

"Since Henry hates me and wants my soap to be perfectly still..."

"Soap doesn't need to move."

"Will you please go down to Storage Facility J and get me a pack of eight-volt batteries."

"Aye aye, Captain."

"Why ya gotta be an embarrassment?"

"Uncle Ray, that is my brother you're talking about."

"Sorry Tessa."

"Ooo, look! Dog Judge!"

"Yeah baby!"

"I love Dog Judge!"

"All right, watch you head."

"What are you doing?"

"Your head's in the way. Move your head."

"Do you know how to sit down in an chair?"

"Do you know how to move your head?" I sit down when Uncle Ray moves his foot.

🎵 Who is the dog 🎵

🎵 That can fetch a bone called justice, man? 🎵

🎵 That's a gooood boy 🎵

"That's funny."

"Ha ha!" We watch an episode of Dog Judge.

"There's no way that my client--"

"We interrupt this program for breaking news." What now?

"What!"

"Nooo!"

"Hey, I'm Trent Overunder. Mary is out sick today."

"Uh, I'm right here."

"Breaking news. The Swellview clock tower is ten seconds fast." Ok? So?

"Since it's impossible to adjust the clock, Vice Mayor Willard has decided to shut down the power in Swellview for exactly ten seconds, and then turn it back on." Which means we'll be missing more of Dog Judge. Great.

"Wow. Tick Tok about a great idea."

"They're shutting down the power to this whole city?!?"

"We live in this city!"

"Now...we want to give you plenty of warning before the power goes out. But w--" All of a sudden, it's dark.

"Ahhh, what's touching my neck?!?" I know that's not me because I'm sitting in front of Hen.

"Schwoz!!!" A couple seconds later, the power comes back on. Why the alarm going off?

"Oh my God."

"What?!?"

"When the electricity went out, Drex's containment unit lost power!" Meaning we have a free man on our hands...

"Drex is free?!?" Uh-oh, Jasp!

"But dude you sent Jasper down there to get batteries for your dumb vibrating soap!"

"Well I had to because you got the WRONG batteries!"

"NOT THE POINT, UNCLE RAY!" And I'm yelling again. Great. My coping mechanism kicked in.

"Why would anyone want their soap to vibrate?!?"

"It tells my body dirt that I mean business!"

"Guys! Just go help Jasper!"

"Oh. Yeah okay!!!"

"On it!!!" We head for the tubes before Uncle Ray stops. Not this again.

"Uh, Tessa. Are you sure you wanna fight Drex again?"

"Yes, Uncle Ray."

"You do remember what happened last time you fought him, right?"

"That was over a year ago, Uncle Ray. I'm all healed up. Hood Danger is official and I'm coming."

"Okay, fine." We get to the tubes, I hold onto Hen, and the tubes come down.

"Down the tube!!!"

"Down the tube!" We go down. We come down. Drex! That murderer ducktaped my brother! Why is he starting up Time Jerker's machine?

"Jasper!"

"Mmmmm!!!" Uncle Ray keeps us behind him.

"Oh, look--it's Ray, Henry, and little orphan Teresa."

"You're not going anywhere, Drex."

"There's three of us and one of you."

"Oh no! Then I guess you have me trapped here. Ha ha!" Drex runs to Time Jerker's time portal.

"The Time Jerker's time portal."

"Get away from that thing."

"Mmmmm-no, I don't think I will."

"DREX!"

"GET AWAY FROM IT!!!"

"MURDERER!"

"NO ONE CONTROLS ME!!!!!"

"I WON'T PLAY WITH YOU! I WILL END YOU!" Why did Char and Schwoz come down here?

"Hello everyone."

"Not now!"

"Schwoz!"

"Shut up!"

"Oh my."

"All right now..."

"Looks like my ride's here. Well this has been fun. See ya some other time."

"NOO!!!"

"No no no." Drex goes through the portal. What time period is he going to?

"Ahh!"

"Oh."

"He got away!!!"

"No fucking duh, Hen."

"Not for long!"

"Yeah, you guys gotta go get him."

"C'mon Kid and Tessa...let's go back in time..."

"To fight some crime?"

"You let me finish the rhymes!"

"Sorry."

"Now listen: while we're gone, make sure that you protect this time portal."

"And don't watch Dog Judge without us."

"And untie Jasp." We go through the portal.

"Ahhh!"

"Hyah!"

"Geronimo!" We land and end up in whatever time that Drex set the machine to. In that case, when are we?

"How'd you guys do that?!?"

"I'll tell ya how! They're witches! Witches I tell ya!"

"Uhhh..Okay, alright we're not 'witches.'"

"Not witches."

"We're guys and a girl, so..."

"Right. I don't know why would you thought--" Did he just blow a whistle?

"Security! We got witches! Witches!!!" The guy runs away.

"C'mon, kids---we gotta go find Drex."

"Yeah yeah but dude...Where are we?"

"More like when are we?"

"The future or the past?" Most likely the past.

"I don't know. Uhh let's see...Looks like the 1950's."

"Uhh, no, looks like the 1970's."

"Maybe?" This is hard to tell since I think we're at a decade fair.

"But wait wait wait, it looks like the 1960's."

"Oh my G--What's going on, Henry?!? What's going on?!?"

"I think we're at a decade fair, Uncle Ray."

"Fod Fest." Ok, what's a Fod Fest?

"Uh...And 'Fod Fest' to you, too."

"Good Fod Fest." Idiots.

"Noooo. Today is 'Fod Fest'--'The Festival of Decades.'" I was right. We are at a decade fair.

"Ohhhhhhh."

"Ahhhhhh."

"Okay."

"Okay. And uh...so, what year is it, actually?"

"Yeah, I mean like, what year is it like...like right now?"

"It's 1989." Why does that sound familiar?

"1989!"

"I knew it's 89."

"I loved it."

'Yeah, I love it now."

"I love being here."

"Good year that we're in."

"In the moment."

"Now go on, get outta here."

"Yeah we got all we need from you."

"It's 1989, and we have no idea where--"

"There look!" We see Drex eating a snow cone.

"Drex!"

"How dare he buy a snow cone, here in the past!""

"Jerk."

"Let's go get him."

"Let's go." We try to walk over before we're stopped by that guy again.

"That's them! There they are! Look! There they are! Right there! Them's the witches!"

"Is that true? You guys witches?"

"No."

"Well this guy says you're witches."

"Well, he's a little cracked in the head."

"Hey, look, we will explain the whole thing--Right behind those berry bushes."

"Okay. Let's go talk behind the bushes."

"Alright let's go."

"Oh okay, let's go."

"You know you guys go nothin' to worry about." We head to the bushes. This is not going to end well.

"I don't even know any witches."

"He's a little loco if you ask me."

"Have you ever had a severe head injury?"

"Ahh!" Uncle Ray and Hen knock the officers out.

"Okay, that's done."

"Felt good!" We come out of the bushes without the officers.

"Alright now c'mon, we gotta go take care of...uh oh."

"Where's Drex?"

"Security! All security to the berry bush area!"

"C'mon, we better get outta here."

"What about Drex?!?"

"We'll get Drex later! Let's go!"

"Go! Go where dude?!? It's 1989, we have no idea where we..?!?"

"I know exactly where we can go! We can go to--"

"Oh my God!!!"

"What?!? What?" Hen takes one of the girls phone. Yep, we're in the 80's. Brick phones.

"Hey!"

"Look how big phones were in the 80's!"

"What the--!" Uncle Ray takes the brick phone.

"Gah dang it Henry!" Uncle Ray throws the brick phone.

"Oh!"

"Come on." We head out of the festival and to wherever Uncle Ray knows a place.

Swellview Tech University

I don't know why we are at a college in the 80's.

"1989."

"We belong in college. Dorm room life, am I right?"

"Freshman fifteen? No shame in that."

"Awesome. Awesome."

"All right. Okay, looks like this is his dorm room. So be cool."

"I'm always cool." Hen knocks on the door and a sign falls off."

"Ahh!"

"Sorry." Uncle Ray moves the sign and college age Schwoz opens the door...

Chapter Text

Tess

Uncle Ray moves the sign and college age Schwoz opens the door... Now, I know why I recognized the year we're currently in. This was the year that my mom had been back in Swellview for a little while after being gone in general for 8 years.

"Yah? Whatchoo guys need?"

"Whoa Schwoz, uhh nice, nice hair!" I didn't know Schwoz had his ears pierced when he was younger.

"How do you know my name?"

"Because, uh...look...can we come in for a second?"

"Yeah we uh, we really need to talk to you."

"W...nooo, I don't know you guys."

"Okay, we're just gonna come in."

"Hey, hey hey!"

"No, no, get in the--"

"Get him in, get him in."

"It's fine."

"Hey nothin' to see here."

"Bud-buddies from high school." Uncle Ray drag college Schwoz into his dorm room. I wonder if present Schwoz is going to remember this when we come back to the present. I also wonder if Schwoz knew any of my parents. Mom worked as a reporter for the newspaper and Dad was in data management when him and Mom were alive. I'm guessing that's how Mom and Dad might have found out that Uncle Ray became a superhero. Hen picks up Schwoz's stuff that he dropped and we walk into his dorm room.

"Yeah we're cool, it's all good." Hen closes the door.

Later

We just told college Schwoz that we're from the future.

"It's true."

"We're from the future!"

"Poppycock!"

"In the future, Schwoz, we're all friends!"

"Eh, co-workers."

"Not now, Uncle Ray."

"But we do know everything about you."

"Okay then--what's my favorite schnack?"

"Worms." Which I don't wanna know why that his favorite snack.

"Okay. What's my sister's name?"

"Winnie."

"And what does she look like?"

"A horse." I didn't believe them until I saw her in person when Schwoz threw that party while Uncle Ray, before I found out that he was my uncle, while he was out of town for three days.

"Okay...ah. What do I have on my bottom?"

"A birthmark."

"In the shape of..?"

"Florida."

"Which is next to...?"

"A mole."

"In the shape of...?"

"Japan." Well, now Schwoz believes us that we're from the future, or that we're stalkers.

"Ayeeeeee! You guys, you really are from the future!!!"

"I know, I know."

"We told you."

Later

College Schwoz is steaming his underwear?

"Whooooaaaaa! And then what happened?"

"And then, Drex jumped into the time portal, So Henry, Tessa, and I followed him through, and that's how we got here, to 1989."

"Oh."

"Hey, I have a question for Schwoz..."

"Yes?"

"What are you doing to your underwear dude?"

"I'm steaming them."

"But why."

"To get the wrinkles out!" Okay, that's understandable.

"Not that Schwoz!!! I'm not talkin' about your college panties! We gotta know why Drex came here to 1989!"

"Maybe he just picked a random time and place." He wouldn't do that. Drex is smarter than that. He would pick a time and place if it dealt with Uncle Ray...Meaning it does. Ok, brain! Think! What happened to Uncle Ray in 1989 during this time?

"Nah. I know Drex. He picked 1989 for some reason. There's gotta be something about today." Someone knocks on the door. An older man opens the door with a little kid...Shit! This is the day Uncle Ray became indestructible.

"Hey, Schwoz...everything okay in here?"

"Oh ya. I'm just steamin my underpants."

"Ah. Smart."

"Uh, guys, that is my friend, Yim, from campus security."

"Yim."

"'Sup Yim?"

"It's Jim. I'm Jim." Forgot that Schwoz can't pronounce some names right.

"So Yim, eh...Who is..."

"Ohhh, this is my son, Pango--today's national 'Take Your Kid To Work' Day." It slowly dawns on Uncle Ray why Drex picked this day and time.

"I wanna go to the zoo."

"No zoo!"

"But--"

"Go get in the van!" The kid leaves.

"You all stay safe now."

"Okay."

"Thank you."

"Probably shouldn't yell at your kid like that." Jim leaves.

"Ahhh! My favorite commercial!!! Have you guys seen this one?"

"Where's the beef?!?"

"Baaaa-ha ha ha ha ha! She never knows where the beef is!"

"Turn that off!!!"

"Ayeeee!"

"Where's the be--?!?" Schwoz turns the tv off.

"Ray...what's goin' on in your head?"

"That...that guy...he said it was 'Take Your Kid To Work' Day."

"Yeah, so?"

"So...OH MY GOD."

"What? What?"

"My Dad takes me to work today. Young me, eight-year-old me. My Dad takes me to Glass Tech for Take Your Kid To Work Day. Henry, this is the day that I become indestructible, don't you see?"

"Yes! Sorta! No!"

"That's why Drex came here! He's gonna try to stop me from going to work with my dad, so I don't get densitized!"

"So you don't become indestructible!"

"Which means no Captain Man..."

"No Kid Danger..."

"And no Hood Danger."

"We gotta stop Drex!!!"

"Let's go, lets go!!!" We run out of Schwoz's dorm room. We come back in once Uncle Ray and Hen realize we have no way of getting there in time before it's too late.

"We don't have a car."

"Or a bike."

"Can you give us a ride?"

"We're still pretty hungry."

"If we could borrow like twenty bucks..."

"Where is the beef?"

Later

So, Uncle Ray has made a plan for what we're going to do.

"Okay kids...here's the plan."

"Go."

"We leave here in a taxi cab, which will take us to Glass Tech Industries, where my daddy works."

"You are too old to say 'Daddy.'" Unless you mean it in a sexual way.

"Well this is 1989, back when I called him Daddy. So?" I think Mom stopped calling Grandpa Daddy when she was maybe 10. Maybe a little younger.

"Mmmm well you sound like a baby."

"Okay how 'bout 'Dad, dad!' Can I call him 'Dad, dad, dad dad?!? Is that okay with you?"

"Yes, yes please."

"Okay! Now, Drex is most likely gonna try to locate eight-year-old me, and stop me before I skateboard into the densitizer. Y'see, the way it happened was, I rode in on my skateboard--"

"Don't tell us the story again, you've told us it a billion times."

"My daddy had just finished demonstrating his latest invention: Unbreakable glass...Unbreakable glass...unbreakable glass..."Flashback to pretty much today.

"Daddy!!! Hey Daddy! Daddy! Whooooooaaaaaa..." At this point, Young Uncle Ray is now in the machine after turning it on.

"Holy gosh! Raymond!!!" Grandpa comes out of the other room.

"Reggie!" I forgot that Mom was there. Doing something for the paper! Grandpa turns the machine off.

"Son! Are you all right?!?"

"Yeah, I feel great." The flashback ends.

"And that's how I became indestructible. Still don't know why the black-haired lady from the paper called me Reggie. Schwoz, have you found enough money for us to take a cab to Glass Tech?" I would have thought old pictures that Uncle Ray has of my mom, my dad, and I would have tipped him off that it was Mom that was there the day he became indestructible.

"Yah. I have 11 dollars..." Schwoz hands Uncle Ray the money.

"All right."

"And this extra dollar that I once used as tissue." Schwoz tries to hand Uncle Ray the dollar.

"I...I think 11 oughtta do it. Come on, lets move."

"Okay daddy."

"Don't start."

"You're the one who said daddy." We leave the dorm room and the dorm building. We find a cab and take the same cab to Glass Tech.

Glass Tech

We get there and we're too late. Drex is in the machine.

Chapter Text

Tess

We get there and we're too late. Drex is in the machine. I see younger Uncle Ray, knocked out on the floor and Mom is by Grandpa. History has been rewritten. There is no Captain Man, Kid Danger, or Hood Danger in our present. Unless we can rewrite history back to the way it was originally before it was messed with, we're too late.

"Ahhhhhoooohhhh."

"What do we do?!?" Uncle Ray turns the machine off.

"Hey you! Don't touch that!"

"Daddy, not now!"

"Daddy?!?"

"Ray! Look at his hand! Look at his hand!"

"Yeah! Look at my hand."

"I coulda told ya, Drex."

"Except for Ray, any other person who gets densitized also gets some weird side-effect. Like your...freaky monster paw."

"I like it freaky."

"Okay, I don't know who you people are, but I'm going to get the police."

"Yarr!"

"Help! There's a weirdo in my science lab!" Grandpa leaves.

"Way to not be a coward, Dad." Younger Uncle Ray wakes up.

"Wh...what happened?"

"Oh me God."

"Who's that kid?"

"He's me! 28 years ago. Dang I was cute." I see that mom is in the room with us and writing everything that is happening right now down.

"Well, you better get little you outta here."

"Right. Uh... Keep Drex busy until I get back."

"No problem."

"C'mon handsome."

"Handsome? Ewww."

"It's okay, we're related."

"What?"

"Shut up." Uncle Ray gets younger him out of here, which means it's Drex, Hen, young Mom, and I.

"'Keep me busy?' Kid, I'm gonna crush you. And then I'm gonna crush your boyfriend Ray when he comes back." Ok, I guess I'm invisible.

"Okay, first of all, we're co-workers, he's Tess's Uncle, and he's the lady in the heel over there's brother! And second of all, I spanked your butt last time we fought. Remember that Drex? Or do I need to go online and show you the video...Hang on I gotta find wifi..."

"Dude...We're in 1989."

"Yeah so?" Oh my God.

"No internet."

"Yeah, well you know what they do have in 1989?!"

"What?"

"Fiiiiiists!!" Hen punches Drex, a few times. Drex stops Hen.

"Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!!!" Hen knees Drex. I see heels flying?

"Whoa, you're indestructible everywhere, and why did I see heels flying?"

"No duh, and Hen. Look!" Hen looks in the direction of where young Mom is at without her shoes.

"Oh, that's why." Drex pushes Hen into a cart and Hen falls to the ground.

"Sorry Kid. You may be faster than me, but you're not indestructible." I try to attack Drex, but he grabs me.

"We meet again, Teresa." He sees young Mom.

"Aw, is that your Mommy when she was younger?" Asshole! Before I can answer, he tosses me into Mom.

"Ow! You ok?"

"Yea."

"Well I am." Uncle Ray walks in.

"You okay Kid?"

"Yeah... I kept him busy and he toss Tess into younger Mrs. Nicholas."

"Ahhhhhhhh!!!" Uncle Ray kicks the blaster out of Drex's hand and they start to fight. I get off Mom and she gets up and tries to help. I forgot that Mom took karate while her and Grandma lived just outside of Washington. The state, not the one in Virgina. Mom trips over them.

"C'mon Ray and Mrs. Nicholas!" Drex catches Uncle Ray and flips him over. He breaks Uncle Ray's hand. It's already affected the present already.

"Ray...?!? Ray, what's wrong? What's wrong?!?

"Don't worry about me Kid. I'm ohhhh--God that hurts. But not to worry 'cuz it's gonna stop hurting any sec--AHHHHHH, no that's broken! That is a broken arm. "

"Oh, tough break, Ray."

"But Ray, you can't have a broken arm, you're indestructible!"

"No...not anymore."

"He was, until history was messed with."

"This is the day that eight-year-old me was supposed to become densitized."

"Wait, was supposed to be? What is going on and where's Reggie?" I forgot that Mom was still in here. That will not be fun to explain later. We get up.

"Ray...?"

"Don't worry, I know exactly what to do. All right, Drex. Stand aside so I can walk into the densitizer and make myself indestructible again."

"No!"

"Okay, I'm not sure what do."

"What? Okay, what's your problem, Drex? I mean, seriously, what reason do you have to hate so much?!?"

"Well for starters, you three butt chumps froze me, and locked me in a storage room for over a year!" So, I guess his sense of time wasn't frozen.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Yeah, but it's like, Taken out of context."

"I can see..."

"Whatever!!! Now that I'm indestructible and you're not...I'm gonna make sure it stays that way."

"Drex. Please. No, no, no. Come on Drex." Drex blasts the machine.

"Dude, you're insane!" The machine is now gone!

"Ha ha ha!"

"Okay Drex...We're willing to make a deal with you."

"Oh are you?"

"Yeah. You let us go and don't harm Raina, and promise not to cause us any more trouble..."

"Yeah?"

"And...well...yes or no, do we gotta a deal?"

"Counter-offer. I blast the three of you out of existence."

"Drex!"

"Come on Drex!"

"Come on, no."

"Don't!"

"We have money."

"We uh, we have two dollars!" Why are we starting to disappear? Looks like we're going back to the present.

"We'll spilt it with ya!"

"No! Please!"

"Drex! No!"

"Noooooooo!!!" We disappear into the present.

Raina

Ok, three people named Ray, Henry, and Tess appear and disappear. There is this man named Drex here. I have no idea where my coward of a father or Reggie are at. I grab my pocket knife out of my bra.

"Ok, sir. Who the hell are you and who were those people?" The man named Drex looks at me.

"Raina Manchester, Ray's older sister."

"Yes. How do you know my brother?"

"Oh, I used to work alongside your brother before he fired me!"

"Ok? Who were the kids next to him?"

"His new sidekicks, Henry Hart and Teresa Dunlop. But Teresa's birth last name is Nicholas." Wait...That's Al from Tech's last name? I end up with him and we have a little girl? I was able to have a baby?

"They're from the future! Where you're dead!" What?

"How did I die?"

"I kill you and that guy you've been gushing over for the last month."

"How's her last name Dunlop?"

"She gets adopted by his friends and becomes her son's adopted sister." Al's friends adopt Teresa?

"How do I know you're telling the truth and not just BS-ing me?" Drex pulls his gun at me. 8 years of Karate don't fail me now! I kick the gun out of his hand.

"Hey!" I also kick him in the face. While he's not looking, I take him down and knock him out the best I can without killing him. I hope what he said about killing Al and I isn't true. I hope.

Tess

"Drex! Don't do it Drex!"

"Please don't! I have a sister!"

"Oh God!!! Did he do it?" We're back in the present.

"Ha ha!"

"Ahhh ha ha!

"Ow! Please don't touch my arm!"

"What's wrong with your arm?"

"Did you find Drex?!?'

"Did you bring me a present?!?"

"Ohhhh Schwoz...My sweet little foreign employee. I never thought I'd see you or your silly bald head ever again."

"Oh yes, please hold me."

"Okay..."

"Hey, why'd you guys think you'd never see us again?"

"Because, when we went back in time, Drex stopped me from being densitized when I was a kid."

"Oh my God."

"Oh, that's terrible."

"Yeah, but...but how can you all, how can this all, still be here?" Uncle Ray is right. Time was messed with. How is everything that was here before we went back in time, still here?

"Yeah, the future should be different 'cuz Drex won."

"So, what's goin' on?"

"Okay...Let me try to say this in a way that even a stupid child could understand."

"Thank you."

"How respectful of you."

"See, a time portal is like a door...to a hallway...to the past or the future."

"Okay."

"All right."

"Get to the point, Schwoz."

"You guys went to the past, and you changed things. But the doors remain open as long as the time machine is active." Meaning until the portal is off, everything from before isn't affected yet.

"Okay. So then let's turn it off."

"Noooo!"

"Stop him!"

"No, no, no, no, no!" We get Jasp away from the machine.

"Dude! Don't you get it?!? If we turn that off, it's over, we're done!"

"Everything we know here would disappear into nothingness!"

"Oh!"

"Schwoz...the time machine...can you send us back to like, like a half hour before the time you just pulled us back from?"

"I can try."

"Well try, okay! Try! Try!"

"Okay, pushy!"

"You want to go right now?"

"No, not yet." Uncle Ray gives nod to Char and she understands why Uncle Ray nodded. She goes to the cart, opens the top drawer, and grabs their tubes. Char hands Uncle Ray and Hen their tubes. I grab mine out of my hoodie. We pop a gumball.

"Oh my, they're chewing, they're chewing!" We transform into Captain Man, Kid Danger, and Hood Danger.

"Okay. Let's blast to the past..."

"And wreck some Drex."

"Wait! I'm gonna record this moment." Jasp gets down on one knee. No, I have no idea what my brother is doing or why he's doing this.

"All right, jump to the past on one. And...30, 29, 28..." We jump into the portal. We head back to the past, and we see present-past selves. Am I the only one that's getting a little confused about this right now?

"Oh...wow."

"This is..."

"So freaky."

"And so messing with the timeline right now." Present-Past me and I say unison.

"Good Lord I'm handsome." And here we go with Uncle Ray's ego.

"Whoa, I was just about to say that!"

"For real?"

"Yeah man, I'm standin' here lookin' at you and I'm thinkin'..."

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaang." Both Uncle Rays say in unison. This is seriously messing with the timeline right now.

"Hey SHUT UP!"

"Oh dear."

"Ray, look at his hand."

"I see it." Damn it! It already happened.

"Schwoz dropped us here too late. Drex is already densitized."

"But he hasn't destroyed the densitizer yet."

"What are you talkin' about?"

"I would also like to know what you are talking about!"

"Same here." And there's young Mom.

"Ray! You, Henry, and Tess get Professor Manchester and all those people out of this building!"

"But we gotta stay here and fight Drex!"

"No, we'll handle that!"

"Trust us. We know what we're doing. We're 20 minutes older."

"Okay."

"You...you're so handsome."

"Okay everyone!"

"Please exit out the back door!" Past-Present us gets everyone expect for young Uncle Ray out of here.

"What's wrong with your arm Ray?"

"What's wrong with your face?"

"Dude, nice."

"Thanks. Just came to me."

"Yeah, keep laughin'. 'Cuz guess what? I stopped 'little you' from bein 'densitized. Which means I'm the only one in the room who's indestructible." Little Uncle Ray wakes up.

"Wh...what happened?"

"It's little you."

"Yeah!" Little Uncle Ray gets up.

"Look out! It's Doctor Night Night!" Really? I really thought for a villain, and a murderer, he would have come up with a better name than Doctor Night Night.

"Doc--"

"No, no, no. Captain Man, see I never went to medical-" He was meaning Drex, Uncle Ray. Drex covers Uncle Ray's eyes.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Drex tosses Uncle Ray into the cart by the wall.

"Captain Man!"

"AHHHHH! Just get little me into that densitizer and pull the big lever! Don't worry about me!"

"I think Kid and Hood Danger should worry about you."

"Hang on, where'd my fist go?" What did Drex do?

"It's right there."

"Oh right." Uncle Ray punches Drex. So, it was a trick, not something that Drex did to him. Hen and I protect little Uncle Ray from getting hurt by Drex or present-day Uncle Ray. Drex and Uncle Ray fight. They take it to the hallway.

"Okay, c'mon we gotta get you in that machine and uhhh bombard you with uhhh proton beams!" Little Uncle Ray tries to run.

"Daaaaaaaaaaddy, daaaaddy!!" Hen tries to grab little Uncle Ray.

"No, no, no, Come back, come back. No, no, no seriously we need to do this. This is very important."

"Kids hurry!!! Get little me into the densitizer!!!"

"Get back here." We seriously need to this before it's too late.

"Daddy!"

"I need you to do this! I am trying to make you a superhero!!!" Hen gets little Uncle Ray into the machine. Here we go. Hen pulls the lever.

"Ahhh!" Present-Day Uncle Ray rolls in. Drex comes in too.

"C'mon!" Uncle Ray grabs a bat.

"Yahhh!" They go back into the hallway. Hen turns the machine off.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah! I feel great!" Yes! It worked! Hen grabs something and hits little Uncle Ray in the head.

"Owwww! Hey! That only hurt for a second." Present-Day Uncle Ray and Drex come back in.

"Ahhh! Oh, oh...Oh, uh, wha..." Why is there sparks coming from Uncle Ray? Wait! That's simalir to what happened to him when he got his powers back from losing them from being sprayed with tears of the Jolly beetles! His powers are back!

"Captain Man! How do you feel?!?"

"In two letters...Ohhh! Kay!" Uncle Ray takes Drex down.

"Sorry Drex... Looks like Captain Man's indestructible again."

"Everywhere."

"So am I. Yahhhh!"

"Yahhh!"

"Yahhh!" We go to fight before we're pulled back into the present with Drex.

"Yahhh!"

"Yahhhh!"

"Schwoz, you got 'em back!"

"Yaya! And look it!"

"Ahhh!" Why is Drex stuck in the time portal?

"What's goin' on?"

"I have him trapped in a time warp.

"A time warp?!?"

"Wh-what does that mean?"

"Ugh...It means he's stuck in limbo, it's like he's floating in time, somewhere between the past, the present, and the future!" So, he's stuck in a moment of time.

"Right, Schwoz, move..." Hen moves Schwoz out of the way to mess with the mahcine.

"Okay. Okay, okay umm...Time destination...today's date...minus...100 million years." We pull the lever down and there goes Drex.

"AAAHHHhhhhhhhhhh!"

"Yeah!!"

"Ha ha!"

"We did it!"

"What?" What's going on with the time machine?

"What's going on?"

"Oh dear!"

"What, what? What's going on with the time machine?!?"

"It's...it's overloading! Ayeeeee! It's going to explode!!! It's gonna kill us all!!! It will kill us all!!!"

"Not-not me!!! Just you guys!!!"

"What? No!"

"Get behind me!" Uncle Ray shields us all from the blast. Why didn't it explode?

"Huh? Wha?" And here's Char with the plug. Forgot that we could have just done that.

"I unplugged it. You're welcome." This has been a long day.

Couple of days later

For some reason, the vice mayor wants to see us. His secretary leads into his office.

"Okay guys, you can wait right in here, and the Vice Mayor will be in to see you shortly."

"Hmmm shortly."

"Sounds good."

"All right."

"Would you like some bottled water while you wait?"

"Nah thanks, water's gross."

"I'm good."

"Yeah I'll have some...bottled water."

"Sure, would you like it cold or room temperature?"

"Why don't you surprise me?"

"Okay, I'll be right back."

"Yes. I'll remain here." The secretary leaves.

"Hey...what do think this thing is?" Besides a paperweight, I dunno what else it could be.

"That's just a paper weight."

"Hmmm. Are you sure?"

"It's a paper weight, Hen. Not sure what else it could be."

"Looks like a--" Papers start to go flying? How is that possible?

"Woah! What th--?!? What's happening?!?"

"Just put it down, put it back down quick!!!" Hen puts the paper weight down and we try to get the paper that went flying. The Vice Mayor walks in.

"Ah, hello there, Captain Man, Kid Danger, and Hood Dange..." The vice mayor notices what had happened before he walked in.

"Oh, your uh...your paper wight uh..."

"Your paper weight failed." Yes, my uncle and best friend are bad liars.

"Anyway, have a seat, fellas. We need to have a little chit-chat."

"Alright. Havin' a seat right here."

"Chit the ol' chat, as they say." Looks like I'm standing. Uncle Ray and Hen sit down. All of a sudden, I'm pulled down. Looks like I'm sitting in Hen's lap.

"Now...I've called you here because I--"

"Excuse me, Vice Mayor Willard." The secretary comes back in.

"Oh, of course."

"Captain Man, your bottled water?"

"Ah yes, thank you." Uncle Ray takes the bottle and drinks it before he spits it in to Hen's and I's faces.

"Geez and crackers, this water's boiling hot!"

"You said surprise you with the temperature so I put the bottle in the microwave."

"She's right about that temperature part."

"A-heh heh...This is Cassie, my niece."

"They took away my scissors." I think she has a few screws loose.

"That'll be all, Cassie." The woman leaves.

"So...Vice Mayor, what'd you wanna talk to us about?"

"Well, in a word: budget cuts." Budget cuts?

"Th-That's two words."

"You see boys and girl, the city of Swellview is low on money." What did they waste it on to be that low on money to be doing budget cuts?

"What? Why would Swellview be low on money?" And why is Hen's hand that low on my body?

"Two words: Our New High Speed Railroad." He's not good at counting, is he?

"He is terrible at counting words."

"Y'see, our new high speed rail project is costing the tax payers 10 billion dollars." Then why are we doing this if it's costing that much?

"What?!?"

"I know. Pretty stupid, right?"

"Yeah."

"Anyway, we're building it." Not shocking for this backwards town. The vice mayor sits down.

"So that means we won't have money for other things, such as crime fighting, which is why we're cutting your budget by 90%."

Chapter Text

Tess

"So that means we won't have money for other things, such as crime fighting, which is why we're cutting your budget by 90%." Are they insane? Why am I asking that about this backwards town?

"90?!?"

"Per what?!?" Both Uncle Ray and Hen stand up, and I'm now off the ground.

"What is he saying?"

"He's saying they're gonna take away almost all the money we get from the city, which we need to run our crime fighting operation!"

"And can you please put me down?" Hen lets me down.

"Whoa whoa, whoa, whoas...There's some good news, too...Look, I got you guys three tickets to our new high speed railroad."

"So?!?"

"Nobody wants to ride on a railroad!"

"Good, 'cuz it won't be ready 'til the year 2059." 2059??? That's 41 years from now! Hen, Char, Jasp, and I will be almost in our 60's and Uncle Ray will be almost in his 80's by the time this thing is ready.

"I'll be long dead by then!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Why is she back with a weapon? Uncle Ray takes her down.

"Cassie, get outta here!!!"

"Disarm!" Uncle Ray gets her to drop her weapon.

"All right, okay."

"Just calm down! Settle down!"

"You're tickling my wrists. Ha ha ha!" The security for the town hall come in to deal with Cassie.

"Just take her to the basement."

"Who would like some bottled water?"

"No one!"

"Not me." The officers and Cassie leave.

"They took away my scissors!!"

"Anyway, Vice Mayor, you can't cut our budget by 90%."

"Sure I can. I'm the Vice Mayor--not the 'nice' mayor. Ha ha ha!"

"What?"

"Yeah...but we need that money to run the Man Cave. Y'know, all that equipment."

"And to buy fuel for the Man Copter."

"I mean, how are we supposed to fight crime and keep this city safe if you take away all of our money?"

"Good questions--for which I have no answer. You boys and/or girl want some strudel?" I see the woman from earlier in the window with scissors in her mouth. She seriously should see a psychiatrist.

"I see you, Cassie." She goes back down. I'm guessing she does that a lot, and I thought I was scary.

Man Cave

Uncle Ray has put together a power point presentation on how we're going to be saving money due to now only having 10% percent of our budget from the city left.

"Okay, let's get started. Today in the Man Cave, we're gonna be talking about, 'Budget cuts.' What does it mean?" Char raises her hand.

"Charlotte?"

"That our budget's been cut."

"Yes. And, since the city of Swellview isn't gonna be giving us nearly enough money to fight crime anymore...we're gonna need to make some changes around here."

"Ooo! Show them what you made me do to the schnack machine!"

"I was just about to talk about that! G'yah! The auto-snacker is no longer free, as I will now demonstrate. Tuna pot pie."

"Tuna pot pie. 15 dollars."

"Fifteen dollars?!?"

"For a tuna pot pie?!?"

"Well, tough tuna--we don't have enough money for employees or family of employees to get free food anymore." When did I stop being considered an employee and just family of employee?

"Now next..." The next slide is about the bathroom? Ok, Ray has crossed a line of insanity he's never crossed before.

"Going to the bathroom here will no longer be free."

"No way!"

"Is that even legal?"

"It is but, it's immoral."

"You're gonna charge us to pee?"

"Well, yeah! Stuff like water and toilet paper and cheese costs money." I thought Jasp stopped doing that.

"Who eats cheese in the bathroom?"

"That's what I wanna know." We look at Jasp.

"Oh, I'm 'werid' 'cuz I like eating cheese in the bathroom?!?"

"I thought you stopped doing that when you dropped the cheese you were eating in the toilet."

"I did." Char stands up.

"Okay, if we're really trying to save some money, why don't we make Schwoz quit using our crime-fighting budget to buy all kinds of crazy stuff for himself?"

"Yeah, Schwoz, you're always using the company credit card for your personal self."

"No I do not do that!"

"Oh, don't ya?!? Well then, why don't I just read off some of the things you spent our money on last month." Here we go.

"Nooooo, why are you being mean to me? And what about Teresa and her spending on stuff for herself?"

"Uh, I use my own money and I only pick pocket Uncle Ray for his wallet when I don't have enough."

"Wait what? How long have you been doing that?"

"A year now."

"Okay...last month...Schwoz charged $350 for a gym membership to some place called Fatness to Fitness."

"I need it! So I can get big moosles!"

"And how does you belonging to a gym help us fight crime?"

"Well...what if you, Teresa, and Ray get captured?!? I might have to, shpring into action!"

"Wow, okay. "

"Okay, and how many times have you actually been to this gym you joined?"

"I don't know, once?!?"

"Ugh."

"When?"

"Tomorrow." We all groan. So, the problem here right now besides Uncle Ray making insane cuts to the current budget we have right now is Schwoz's spending issue.

"All right, Schwoz! You're gonna pay us back every dollar that you spent on yourself!" For Hen, Char, and I, in the 4 years we've known Schwoz. That has to rack up to maybe closer to a million dollars. Maybe less.

"Noooo! I don't have enough money to pay it all back!"

"Get a second job."

"Hey, my dad's lookin' for a handyman, to do some work around the house."

"Hush up, I'm not doing that."

"Uh, hush up yes you are Schwoz!"

"B-but why would you make m--"

"Put on a disguise, drive over to Henry's house, and you do any job that Henry's silly father wants you to do!"

"BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"And whatever money you make, you bring it back here and you give to me."

"Maybe."

"What?"

"Nothing, I didn't say nothing." This is not going to end well, is it?

"Ray...the Vice Mayor cut our budget by 90%."

"So?!? I know, so?!?"

"So, you really think we're gonna make that money back by paying for snacks, and charging us to use the bathroom, and by making Schwoz work part time jobs?"

"No. But I have an idea." Oh boy.

"A way for us to make more money."

"Why are you doing that with your tongue?"

Later

Answering a call that a little girl is in a tree?

"Alright....here we come. "

"Okay. Everybody calm down." That is a very large tree.

"Look, It's Captain Man, Kid Danger, and Hood Danger."

"Oh, thank God you're here!!!"

"Please! Our daughter's stuck up in this tree!"

"Huh."

"Help!! Get me down!"

"Kids, why don't you go ahead and climb up that tree, get the girl, and bring her down here."

"Alright, We're all over it." Hen and I start to climb up the tree. Okay, I climb up the tree while Hen falls. So glad I asked Schwoz to add a climbing feature to my Hood Danger boots.

"Are you?"

"I'm going again."

"Go again." Hen climbs again and meets me where the little girl is at.

"Now don't worry--Kid and Hood Danger will have your little girl down here in just a few minutes."

"Oh thank you so much."

"Thank you Captain Man."

"And while we're waiting...We can go ahead and settle up your bill." So that's Uncle Ray's idea for how we're going to get the money back. No one is going to pay us to save them.

"Our...our bill?"

"Mmm-hmm. Now let's see...we drove over here...that was a 22 mile drive.."

"Wait wait wait, you're charging us money?"

"To rescue our daughter?"

"Well yeah. I mean, you pay your gardener when he gardens your garden...don'tcha? And you pay your babysitter, to sit...with your babies." This is not going to last long. In a week, we'll get our full budget back.

"So, why would you complain about paying three superheroes, for saving your daughter's life?" Because we never did this before the Vice Mayor cut our budget by 90%.

"Okay, there's no way we're paying you to rescue our child."

"No chance."

"Oh really?"

"Okay, she's comin' down!"

"No no no, Kids wait. Just wait a--" Hen tosses the little girl down. If he had just waited a moment, I could have gotten her and then jump down without hurting the little girl.

"Ahhh!" We come back down.

"Oh baby!"

"Are you all right?!?"

"I dunno."

"Okay, our work here is done."

"No it's not done."

"What are you talking about--"

"They refused to pay. So we're puttin' the girl back up in the tree."

"Come on, seriously--"

"Girl--back in the tree!"

"Okay. Come on, darlin'..." Uncle Ray grabs the little girl until I take her out his arms and take her back to her parents.

"Hood Danger!"

"Captain Man, we are not putting that little girl back in the tree nor are we charging her parents. Now! Let's go! KID DANGER!" Hen and I leave for the car while Uncle Ray stays there in shock.

"Kid, you're following her?"

"She's more scarier than you."

"Ugh, fine!" Uncle Ray comes along. We better not be doing this for long.

Later

We come down the tubes from another crime that had a baby alligator. The tubes go up and why the tempature down here like we're in Hell? Jasp is in a trash bin filled with ice and a fan. Char is sick. I don't wanna know what Schwoz is wearing.

"Hey what's going on g--oh man it's hot in here!"

"Yeah, well get used to it." I have my cloak off and I'm still sweating to death.

"Ayeeee!"

"Whoah!"

"Why do you have an ollie-gator?"

"'Cuz it crawled into the playground at Swellview Elementary School."

"Yeah, and guess who had to go capture it."

"Us. And then Ray charged the little kids 11 bucks to get him out."

"I woulda got more but that was all they had!"

"Well why did you bring him here?!?"

"Why didn't you take him to Animal Control?"

"'Cuz there is no more Animal Control! The dumb Vice Mayor cut their budget, too!"

"Guys, please don't let the alligator eat me."

"We're not gonna let the alligator eat you." I sit down on the couch.

"Char...What's going on? What's wrong?" No, I'm not feeling jealous that Char is getting that kind of attention from Hen. Mainly because I know she would never fake being that sick to get that attention from him and she's not that type of friend to do that.

"I ate bad meat from the auto-snacker." You have got to be kidding me!

"Well, why did the auto-snacker have bad meat?"

"'Cuz Ray told me to stock it with the cheapest meat I could find."

"So what kind did you buy?"

"Expired."

"What are you doing?!?"

"Ohhhhhh."

"Oh whyyyy?"

"Really, Ray? This is what we're doing now? Not using air-conditioning? Babysitting alligators? Taking money from little kids? Eating bad meat?"

"ARE YOU INSANE, UNCLE RAY!?!?" That's new.

"Tess now yelling because she's hot."

"Ohhhhh my gut!!!"

"That's it! That does it!" Uncle Ray kicks a bag.

"What does what?"

"We're not takin' this anymore! We're gonna go downtown, we're gonna march right into the Vice Mayor's office, and tell him that he better give us our full budget back, or else...or else..."

"We're gonna put an alligator down his pants!"

"We're gonna put an alligator down his--What?!?"

"I dunno man, I'm tir--I'm just, I'm hot, it's hot in here, just put the alligator down, let's go!" Hen heads for the tubes, Uncle Ray puts the alligator down, and picks me and my cloak up since I pretty melted into the couch.

"Wait..."

"What are we supposed to do with the ollie-gator?"

"Don't upset him."

"Why?"

"So he doesn't kill you!" The tubes come down. Yes, I'm over my uncle's shoulder right now.

"Got it."

"Up the tube!" We go up.

Schwoz's car

So, how we are getting to the Vice Mayor's office is taking Schwoz's car since we don't have the money to keep refueling the tank to the Man's Am. I'm in the non-existent backseat of his car.

"I am so mad."

"Spot light."

"Yeah, I see it." Uncle Ray stops at the stoplight. I wonder who taught Uncle Ray to drive.

"Oh my God you guys, that's Kid Danger!" I guess there's a car full of girls next to us.

"He's so cute." And there's the jealously coming to rear it's ugly head.

"Hey, 'sup?"

"Hi Kid Danger! Why are you in that stupid car?" And there goes the jealously.

"Bye!" The light turns green and we don't have to deal with them anymore.

"Yeah, why are we in Schwoz's stupid car where Tess is in the non-existent backseat?"

"Why couldn't we take the Man's Am?"

"Uh, because this car gets 52 miles per gallon? You know how many miles per gallon the Man's Am gets?"

"One?"

"One! One mile per gallon.""

"Okay, I got it."

"You wanna pay for the gas?!?"

"Not really."

"Do you wanna reach into your own wallet?"

"No, no, I don't."

"I didn't so."

"Come on dude, don't get mad at me."

"I'm sorry okay. I just want the Vice Mayor to give us our money back! Y'know?!?"

"And I would like to be in a car that has a backseat!"

"Sorry Tessa. We'll be there soon."

"Y'know what? Why don't we practice what we're gonna say."

"Practice?"

"Yeah, like rehearse."

"Oh okay, yeah."

"Like you be you, and I'll be the Vice Mayor.

"Yeah, okay. Yeah I like it."

"Yeah, let's do it."

"Let's do it." Here we go.

"Okay. I'm gonna go in there, I'm gonna go, listen, Vice Mayor, yeah! I'm gonna point at him. I'm gonna grab his throat."

"No, no, no. Don't grab his throat."

"We want to get our budget back, not go to jail."

"No, I'll just point at him. And I'll say, we need that money."

"Oh, well that's a strong point."

"Yeah, to fight crime and keep the city of Swellview safe."

"If you say so."

"Yeah, I do say so. So you better gives us our money back."

"Hang, hang on, the sun's in my eyes."

"Don't break character like that--I was in the zone."

"Hang on! I'm just gonna put down the visor. Okay? Is that okay?"

"Yes. Do it. Let's get back to it." Hen puts the visor down and what did just fall out of the visor?

"What was that?" Hen puts the visor back down and picks up what fell out of the visor.

"I dunno...It looks like a bunch of...used..."

"Dental floss?" That's gross.

"Oh my God, this floss was on Schwoz's mouth!!!" Hen tosses onto Uncle Ray.

"Oh! Don't put it on me!"

"Get it outa--"

"Ahh! It's on my leg!!"

"I do not want it!"

"I do not want it either."

"I do not want it!"

"I'm trying to drive here."

"Get it, get it outa here AHHHHHHH!!!" They toss it out the window.

"Man! Why would you do that?"

"Oh my God."

City Hall

We walk into the Vice Mayor's office.

"All right, Vice Mayor, I've got words to say!" What's going on here?

"Leave my shoe alone!"

"What's goin' on here..."

"What th--"

"Somebody please help me!!!"

"Vice Mayor?!?"

"Is that you?!?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, Hi Captain Man, Kid Danger, Hood Danger. Can I get you some bottled water?" She seriously needs to see a psychiatrist. Why is she holding a pair of scissors?

"No!"

"Regular or room temperature?"

"Wh--Neither!!!"

"Okay, you know what."

"Go see a psychiatrist!"

"Help me!!! Cassie's gone crazy!!!" We try to help before she waves the scissors around.

"Uhh unh unh!!! Don't come any closer, or I'll sizz the rope!"

"No no no no!!!"

"Don't sizz it! Don't sizz it!!! Look Cassie, we just, we just wanna talk."

"Yeah...wh-why don't you just tell us why you're so upset."

"Sure. I'm upset because my stupid uncle Vice Mayor says that, from now on, when I'm here at work, I have to pay for my lunches!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" That's why she has gone Harely Quinn insane?

"Hey! No, no, no."

"Cassie, Cassie, you can not cut that rope!"

"Uhh, I agree with Kid Danger."

"Same here."

"Yes I can! Scissors can do anything!"

"All right, Cassie..." Uncle Ray grabs something from his pocket. Uncle Ray turns it on. What did Uncle Ray just do?

"Uh dude, I don't think that's such a good idea--"

"Don't worry. I got a plan."

"What's your plan?"

"Just play along with whatever I say!" This is so going to play out horribly.

"Okay."

"What are you guys whispering about?!?"

"We're whispering about this pulse grenade." Pulse grenade?

"And in...45 seconds, it's gonna blow this whole room to smitheroons." It's smithereens, not smitheroons.

"Reens."

"What?"

"Smithereens."

"I said smithereens."

"Mmmm-you said 'smitheroons.'"

"Well what difference does it m--"

"Hey! Can you please do something?!? I'm hangin' out a window upside down!"

"You be quiet, Uncle Will!" His name is Will?

"Weirdo!"

"Ahhhhhh!!"

"Hey, hey, hey! 22 seconds, then kaboom."

"Don't make us explode you." As we are dealing with an very mentally unstable woman.

"Just...turn it off!!!"

"Mmmm, I can't."

"He can't. You better run."

"Yeah. Or you may never have lunch ever again. Seven...six...five...four...three..."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Cassie drops the scissors and heads for the window.

"No, no, no..."

"W-wait wait wait. There's a door right there--" Cassie jumps out the window.

"Ohhh that wasn't necessary" Shouldn't that thing gone off already?

"Ahhh Cassie, let go. You're gonna make me fall."

"Give me back my scissors!!"

"Wait! Dude, why didn't the pulse grenade go off?!?"

"'Cuz. See, I used my thumb here to make it look there were only 45 seconds. But I actually set it to 2 minutes and 45 seconds."

"Ha!"

"See what I did with my thumb?"

"I see what you did there. You thumbed her." That sounds wrong.

"Yeah, I sure did."

"Hey hey! C'mon, can somebody please pull me up?!?" Uncle Ray sets the grenade down. We walk to the window.

"Hello? C'mon, would ya help me?"

"Uhhh...Yeah, see, we, we would help you.."

"But...see since you cut our budget, we have to charge money now for superhero...ing."

"Well, how much to pull me up, into my office?"

"Uh, let's see. That would cost you..."

"Our full budget!"

"Whaaaaaat?!? Ahhh, c'mon!"

"Yeah, if you wanna be rescued, you gotta give us our full budget back."

"Plus 10%."

"Plus 10%."

"And a boat!" And we're just getting stupid.

"And a nice boat!"

"A nice bo--All right fine. Fine. You can have your full budget back!" I was right. Having only 10% percent of our budget didn't last long.

"Plus?"

"Plus ten percent!"

"And?"

"And a nice boat!"

"Now pull me up, would ya?"

"Dude! Good call on the boat."

"Um, um, pulling you up."

"Yeah, comin' up." We go to the rope.

"On C." Okay, whatever! Let's get this over with/

"Go."

"A...B...C! Yahhh!" We yank and only get the Vice Mayor's pants and one of his shoes.

"Great! Now I'm holding onto a ledge without my pants."

"Uhhhhhhh...Your pants are fine!"

"Ahh shut up!!"

"We also saved one of your shoes!"

"Oh good."

"Hey, who wants some bottled water?"

"Ah Cassie, there's more to life than bottled water!"

"Hey, what's that beeping?" Uh oh.

"I dunno."

"Uhh..Dude? Did you forget to turn off the pulse grenade?"

"Oh n--" I cover my ears before it goes off. It goes off and it's pretty much just ash in here now. We just leave.

A couple of days later-Man Cave

Since I decided to sleep at the Dunlop house tonight, Jasp had to carry me to the Man Cave when we all got the Doomsday Signal from Uncle Ray. Ok, Jasp wanted to carry me since I was in no way able to move on my own at the time he woke me up.

"Ray!!!"

"Henry!!!"

"Charlotte! Have you seen Ray?!?"

"No, where is he?!?"

"I dunno!!!"

"Well he's gotta be around here somewhere!"

"Ray! Ray!"

"UNCLE RAY!" And I'm yelling into my brother's ear.

"Ray!"

"Ray, are you there?"

"Ray! Ray!"

"Ray!" Uncle Ray comes out with a cart with a tray on it? What's going on? Uncle Ray turns the alarm off.

"What the--"

"Who wants a snaaaaack?" My uncle is seriously insane.

"What?!?"

"Whooooooooooo wants a snack?"

"Dude!"

"Let me. Hey!"

"Heyyy!"

"It's ten after midnight!'

"Yeah."

"Well, why'd you see us all the Doomsday Signal?!?"

"'Cuz I wanted to make sure you guys all came over."

"Dude!"

"What?!?"

"Dude!"

"Yeah!"

"Dude!"

"Hey!"

"You told us that the Doomsday Signal was only for a major crisis!"

"Yeah, a life-or-death situation!"

"Well, you are gonna die." I'm sorry, what?

"What?!?"

"We are?!?"

"When you try my new recipe forrr..." Uncle Ray shows us why he sent the Doomsday Signal to us. He wanted us to try his new recipe of mini corndogs?

"Captain Corn Dogs!"

"Captain Corn Dogs?"

"Yeah!"

"So you called us all here, just to try your new Captain Corn Dogs?!?"

"Uhh yeah."

"This is NOT a life or death situation!!!"

"Yeah it is. Seriously...it is. Because I'm gonna kill him!" Hen tries to take Uncle Ray down but, fails.

"Get, get down!"

"Hey, hey hey. C'mon buddy, alright."

"I'm gonna kill you."

"Okay."

"I'm taking you out."

"There you go."

"Okay. Please let me go."

"Sure. Right after you try one of my steamin' hot--"

"I don't wanna--"

"Captain Corn Dogs."

"I already ate, come on--"

"Yeah get it in there."

"Guys, are you gonna help me?"

"Get it in--Choooo choooo!!"

"Okay, I'll try it." Hen tries it.

"There ya go, be a good sidekick." At this point, Jasp is sitting on a beanbag and I'm sitting on the floor. Trying so hard not to pass out on the floor. Uncle Ray lets Hen go.

"Okay gimme another one."

"A-haaaaaaaa!!! Oh my G--Jasper, Charlotte, Tess, you guys gotta try these!"

"If I try one, can I go home?"

"Sure."

"Fine. I'll take one." Char takes one and tries it.

"Wow!!!"

"Well I gotta try me one a'these--" The alarm goes off and I happen to snag one. Ok, these are good.

"Emergency call? Now?"

"Geez, it's pretty rude to call us after midnight." Pot meet kettle. Hen, Uncle Ray, and I pop a gumball.

"Yeah, who would be rude enough to call someone after midnight?"

"Okay smart-pants, no more Captain Corn Dogs for you."

"Fine. I don't care if I...Okay, I do care, can I please have some more corn dogs?"

"Uh-huh." We transform into Captain Man, Kid Danger, and Hood Danger.

"Charlotte, Jasper..." They get out of the way of the camera. Hen answers the call. A musem is calling? This late?

"Oh thank goodness--My name is Jerome Sanchez and I'm the director of the Swellview Museum of Stools and Jewels."

"Stools and jewels?"

"Yeah, they got the best collection of--"

"Stools and jewels, yeah. Look, I need to hire you guys!"

"Hire us?"

"Hire us for what?"

"To protect this!"

Chapter Text

Tess

"To protect this!" The guys shows us a big chuck of rock?

"What am I looking at here?"

"Huh, umm...Some kinda rock?"

"Like a white rock?"

"I think that's what they call it..."

"Like an icy rock."

"White rock, yeah."

"Hey guys..."

"To pave driveaways? Like the gravel or the solid--"

"YOU GUYS!! This is the Neal Diamond." So, that's what it is.

"Ohhhh."

"Ahhhhhhh."

"It's the largest uncut diamond on Earth! And it's on loan to our museum this week, and someone just broke in and tried to steal it! That's why the cops are here right now!"

"Ohhh."

"Okay."

"So what do you want?"

"To hire you, Kid Danger, and Hood Danger, to come to guard this incredible diamond!"

"This guy's so dramatic."

"I know, I know."

"And you two are being asses right now."

"Look Sir..." And I'm being ignored.

"Have you tried locking the museum at night?" You're assuming that's not what they already do. Someone breaks in.

"AHHHHH! No! No! Help!"

"Gimme it!"

"Police! Police!"

"Gimme the diamond!"

"Ahhhhh! Gimmie it! Get off me!" The officers take the criminal away.

"Y'see?!? Did you see that maniac try and steal the Neal Diamond?!?"

"Yeah yeah yeah yeah, we get it."

"Look, we're only gonna have the diamond here one more day, so...will ya come guard it?!? Please?!?"

"Uhhh...Just a second." I'm board with it while Hen and Uncle Ray are whispering about God knows what. "

"Alright, I've uhh spoken with my sidekick and my other sidekick is already on board with it...And we'll come guard the Neal Diamond--"

"Oh thank you!!!"

"If...."

"Iiiiiiiiiiifff..."

"You let me bring a bunch of my Captain Corn Dogs."

"But I don't think--

"Which are like regular corn dogs but they're appetizer sized and they taste way way better..."

"Way better."

"And you have to say it's okay for me to pass out my Captain Corn Dogs to anyone who comes to the museum." Another criminal is breaking into the museum tonight?

"AHHHHH!"

"Shut up!"

"Help!!"

"Shut up, gimme that diamond."

"Ahh! Police!" The officers take another criminal away.

"So, we got a deal?"

"Yes! Deal!" The call ends.

"Boom!"

"Wooo! All right, let's snack on some Captain Corn D..." And Jasp ate all of them.

"There was nothing I could do."

Museum of Stools and Jewels

Here we are guarding the Neal Diamond and handing out Captain Corn Dogs.

"Hey there. Sooo, ya like that antique stool? Well, I see you two aren't much for conversation--so why don'tcha try one of my Captain Corn Dogs? Go on, go on." The two people by Uncle Ray try the corn dogs.

"Ah. Speechless." Schwoz put cameras in Uncle Ray, Hen, and I's maskes, which means Schwoz, Char, and Jasp can see live footage of what we're seeing. Uncle Ray is droning on about something.

Later

A girl that looks like she could be Hen and I's age but, she could be older. I'm getting a shady vibe from her, though. I don't know if it's because of my jealously or maybe she is really shady.

"Wow...gorgeous." And I think it's jealously that's making the shady vibes from her.

"Yeah...fantastic necklace."

"Oh uh...I uh..I actually wasn't talkin' about the necklace."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"So, what were you talking about?" I think he was talking about you.

"Umm...y'know...you."

"Ohhh. Okay."

"Okay. Wow, this is not going well." No duh.

"Would you like a do-over?"

"Yes please...Hi, I'm Kid Danger."

"Well doy, I knew that much." Oook. So, maybe it's not jealously...

"Right...cool. So do you like coming to this museum for the jewels, or the...stools?"

"Oh, I am definitely a jewels girl." Ok...Shady vibes again and I think it's not from jealously.

"Yeah, I figured."

"Yeah..."

"Yeah..." Hen and the girl continue to talk and she tries one of the corndogs. There's something off about her that I can't quite put my finger on it.

"Y'know, I first had the idea for Captain Corn Dogs--"

"Ray Ray!" Geez! Schwoz! I didn't realize I was that close to Uncle Ray.

"Ahh!" Uncle Ray drops the tray he was holding.

"Schwoz you nub! You interrupted me when I was talkin' to a mom!" Barf, Uncle Ray.

"Ray Do you see that girl that Henry's flirting with?!?"

"Yeah, what about her?"

"She's a jewel thief!" Damn it! I was right about the shady vibes from her. I thought it was because of my jealously, not that she was actually shady!

"What?!?"

"Her name's Heather Bogart. She's been prison like six times, for stealing super expensive rare jewels!" I look her up and...She's 24. I can see that Hen's type is older women.

"Got it. I'll handle Heather." Uncle Ray and I walk towards where Hen and Heather are at.

"So, do you uh--do you want another Captain Corn Dog?"

"How could I not?" Hen hands her another one.

"Here ya go." Uncle Ray lasers the corn dog. Uncle Ray shields Hen.

"Wa-wait, Captain Man! Wh--what are you doing?!?"

"Yea, Captain Man, what are you doing?"

"Stopping a jewel thief before she strikes again."

"Wh--dude! She's not a jewel thief!" Unfortunately, she is.

"Yes I am." See! She even admitted it! Which that is actually kinda scary that she admitted it that quick.

"I mean, geez man, you don't just shoot a miniature corn dog out of a girl's hand!"

"You do if she's a nasty jewel thief! Which she is!"

"No she's not!"

"Yes I am."

"No, you're n--I'm sorry. Wh-wh-wha-say what?"

"Uh-huh."

"I'm sorry, you're a, you're a..."

"Heather Bogart--master jewel thief. How ya doin'?" She shakes Hen's hand.

"But you're so pretty!"

"Forget her, Kid. She's rotten fruit." That makes no sense.

"What?"

"Quiet! Now I'm takin' you back to jail."

"Uh, no you're not."

"Ow! What's that supposed to mean?!?"

"I got outta jail six weeks ago. And now I am a free citizen. And look..." She shows us her ticket. We can't convict her unless we catch her trying to steal something.

"Here's my ticket for this museum, which means I have as much right to walk around here as anyone."

"Valid ticket dude."

"Well, you can't have any more of my Captain Corn Dogs, I can tell ya that."

"Cool with me. I don't care if I ca..."

"Oh re--oh what's wrong?" What's she doing?

"Oh, uh..."

"Are you?"

"What's going?"

"Ooooooooooh!!" She took another one.

"I saw that."

"Y'see that, Kid? You see what kinda jerk she is?!?"

"Y'know what? I can't believe you're a jewel thief?!?" Well, you better believe it since she is a jewel thief.

"You told me you were an Olympic gymnast!" She said that?

"Yeah--I lied."

"Ohhhh! Lyin' too huh? Whatever Heather. You wanna walk around this museum? Fine. You wanna look at some stools and/or jewels? Go for it. But don't even THINK about tryin' to steal the Neal Diamond."

"I won't." She's lying.

"Good."

"Gooooood."

"I'm just gonna do it." I was right.

"Fine."

"Whatever." Idiots. She just admitted that she is going to commit a crime.

"Wait..."

"Whaaaaaaat?" And there is them figuring out what Heather just said.

"I'm gonna steal the Neal Diamond before the museum closes tonight. And there's not one thing either of you can do to stop me." She walks away. Legally, her confession could lead to her arrest.

"I really want her to be a gymnast." Don't wanna know the reason why.

Later

We have been standing guard at the Neal Diamond for about an hour or so. Mainly to catch to Heather in the act of stealing the Neal Diamond. She walks by and tries to go for it before we stop her.

"Yo yo!"

"Ha ha ha!" She walks away. She's a bit insane, but she's still tolerable for now. She stops? Why did she stop?

"Look at her."

"Yeah, she makes me so... Awww, look at this guy." And here comes Hen's jealously coming to rear its ugly head.

"He's probably gonna try to flirt with her, like I did."

"Pfftt. Watch--bet she's gonna tell him she's a gymnast, too."

"Yeah." I'm getting tired of hearing about Heather and flirting, and blah blah blah!

"Will you two cut it out? We have to guard the diamond and keep her from stealing it!"

"Hey, hey yo dude! My man!" And once again, my suggestion is ignored.

"Not a gymnast. So..." Oh my God! I yell back at the dude.

"Sorry about him!"

"I might enter my Captain Corn Dog recipe in a contest."

"Oh, yeah, yeah yeah."

"Y'know, like a, like--an appetizer recipe contest where the winner can win like a boat or something cool."

"Okay, hang on a second--I can't take this." This is not going to end well. I follow Hen to where he's going.

"Hey. I might enter my Captain Corn Dog recipe in a contest."

"So later, you maybe wanna go grab some coffee, get some avocado toast?" Aw! He asked her out.

"Maybe, yeah, that sounds pretty cool."

"Hey!" And cute moment's over. Now is my best friend/crush now being an asshole.

"Hey sorry. Uh, just dude-to-dude...just to let ya know that uh...this girl's a thief. Yeah, and an ex-con. She's been in-and-outta jail like six times. So...She's bad news." I think he can look that up if he really wanted to. You're just being an ass!

"So, do you wanna get some avocado toast?"

"Uh, yeah, I would, but first...I gotta steal the Neal Diamond."

"Ooooo! Okay."

"Well, I guess you'll be paying for avocado toast then."

"I guess so." Hen walks away and I walk up to them.

"I'm sorry that Kid Danger is being a major jerk right now." The guy seems to understand that and I also walk away.

"Slow cooker..."

"Hey."

"Maybe uh, scuba gear...an archery set..."

"Ma'am, please walk away." The lady walks away and she's happy to be away from Uncle Ray. She would not be wrong about being happy to be away from him right now.

"Hey what's your deal?"

"That thief Heather keeps sayin' that she's gonna steal the diamond!" And he is slow to realize that she is playing him! Big time! She knows that if she keeps saying that, he'll believe her and she'll take it when him or Uncle Ray aren't looking. Or maybe not take it. I don't know!

"Oh yeah, well good luck to her. 'Cuz I'm not takin' my eyes off this baby." A guy comes up.

"Hey, can I have a Captain Corn Dog?"

"well, you sure can buddy! In fact, I thinkin' about entering the recipe in a contest..." Here we go again.

"Yeah, I like to make them wiggle like this. See that?" Why's Piper here?

"There they are! Hi Captain Man, Kid Danger, and Hood Danger!"

"Well hello there."

"Ah, hello...hi."

"Hey."

"Did we miss it?!?" I'm sorry what?

"Uh, miss...?"

"She uh...they must've heard about my Captain Corn Dogs." So close and yet so far!

"You guys heard about the corn dogs?" I facepalm at their stupidity.

"No. We're here to watch Heather Bogart try to steal the Neal Diamond!"

"Wait. Wait a minute...How do you know she's gonna try to steal it?"

"She posted a video about it!" Of course, she did.

"Here look..." Piper shows us the video. When did she make that video?

"Wassup? I'm gonna steal the Neal Diamond." The video ends.

"Well, that was to the point." No duh. While Uncle Ray is talking about something, I notice something behind him. Heather? Talking to photographers? I have a feeling something bad is going to happen.

"Hey, you guys wanna go take some us-fies in the gift shop?" Us-fies?

"'Kay, walk with me." Piper and her friends leave. Heather walks by. The photographers put sunglasses on. I press a button on my mask to make it that now I can't see. Thank you Schwoz for adding this.

"Hey guys, can we get a couple of youfies?"

"Youfies?"

"You mean pictures of us?"

"Yeah." I turn around to face the cameras that I can't see. Somehow, my senses have become more heighten than how other people's do.

"Oh, yes please."

"I don't see why not. Lemme just adjust my hair real quick." I'm sensing that Heather just put on glasses. When did I develop a form of Spidy-Sense? Because I wasn't able to do that before.

"Let's get the Captain Corn Dogs in there. They're the real hero's here."

"And one...two..."

"Ahhhhh!!" I hear something fall. The cameras must have something to make the other blind...SERIOUSLY?!? I can't even see at the moment and yet, I know about everything around me. What is going on?!?

"Oh!"

"What's going on?" I press the button my mask again and can see again. Damn it! I was right!

"My, my eyes!!! I can't see!"

"Neither can I!!!" Everyone that can't see are stumbling around.

"What happened?!?"

"Oh, see...those photographers just blasted you and everyone in this room with hyper gamma light, which means you won't be seeing anything for the next two hours." I stand in front of the Neal Diamond. Just because Captain Man and Kid Danger can't see, doesn't mean I can't see. Heather realizes that when she walks over to me.

"Oh, Hood Danger..." She walks over to the other side. Ok, am I a ghost to others?

"Oh yeah, Heather?!? Well, Kid Danger and I might not be able to see, but we can still PUNCH!" Uncle Ray punches Hen. Hen goes down. Heather is trying to pick the lock and now I'm trying to get her off from picking the lock. Man, I need to work out more since none of my attempts aren't working right now.

"Hey hey Kid, I think I hit Heather!" No, you didn't and does she seriously not feel me right now?

"Or uhh--maybe one of her photographers!" Again, no you didn't.

"Kid! Kid?!? Hey, hey hey hey." Hen gets back up.

"You hit me."

"Oh. Attention! Attention from Captain Man. I cannot see!"

"We cannot see!"

"So, if you are not a criminal, please stand back while Kid Danger and I locate the perpetrators and then--" The photographers fight them. I tighten my grip around her throat to get her to stop. I hear Piper running over to where we are at.

"Oh my God, what's happening?!?"

"Captain Man and Kid Danger can't see!"

"But, Hood Danger can." Ok, it's working a little bit.

"And Heather's trying to steal the diamond!" One of the photographers grabs a stool?

"Oh my God, Captain Man! To your left!" Uncle Ray dodges and hits the photographer in the stomach. We are so gonna owe a lot of money to this museum.

"Kid Danger! He's right in front of you! Get him!" That's a statue, Hen.

"I got him, I got--ah!"

"Get him!" Really wish someone would help me right now because I'm losing to Heather!

"Kid, where's Heather?!?"

"How would I have that information?!?"

"Hood! Where's Heather?!?"

"Over here! By the Neal Diamond!" Piper helps me.

"Captain Man, Kid Danger! I'm right by Heather and Hood Danger!!! Follow my voice!!!"

"Huh? Owwwww!"

"Sorry."

"Get away from me kid!"

"Don't get loud with me!!!" Heather fights off Piper and I manage to pull Heather away from the Neal Diamond. Now, I'm on her back and trying to fight her off while I'm the only one out of the three superheros here that can see right now!

"Who dat?" Heather is now fighting off myself and Piper. The guy who hired us comes out.

"What th--?!? My stools! And jewels! What's going o-- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The guy leaves. Coward! Piper leaves and gets a stool to fight off the photographers. In the meanwhile, I have been thrown to the floor and Heather got the case open. Damn it! Heather gets the diamond and I get off the floor and try to jump her again.

"Ahhhh! She's got the diamond!!!"

"Told you I'd steal it." Piper and I try to get the diamond away from her.

"Hey, hey hey, I got one of the photographer's cameras!" Hen grabs it. I press the button on my mask again and now I can't see.

"Okay."

"Push the button, Kid!!!"

"Ahh! I'm trying." Heather grabs her glasses. I'm already fighting blind here. Hen presses the button.

"Ahhhhh!!!"

"Ahhhh!" Now, Heather and Piper are blind now.

"Kid, I think ya do it!!!"

"What do we do now?!?" I press the button again and grab the diamond!

"We gotta get the diamond from her!!!"

"Already got it."

"Oh, ok." Heather tries to get away and tries to get the diamond away from me. Hen and Uncle Ray grab Piper instead.

"Hey, hey, hey I got her!"

"No, it's me!!!" They let Piper go. I grab a weapon from my belt and throw onto Heather and she falls. Thank you Schwoz and parts we got from Batman.

"Alright Heather...C'mon, c'mon c'mon..."

"Alright..."

"Yo yo yo Marco!..."

"Ahh! Polo!..." I'm seriously sitting on Heather so she doesn't get away before the cops get here.

"What? No, no you I-alright whatever..."

"Oh, there she is..."

"Right here, right here."

"Ha, I got her.." Uncle Ray and Hen get her while I'm holding the diamond. Here comes the guy that hired us and the police.

"There! That's Heather Bogart!!! Arrest her!!!"

"Take her away boys." The officers take Heather away.

"This isn't over! I'll be back! And I'll get that diamond!"

"Yeah, you lost, buh-bye."

"Have fun in jail and you are not a gymnast."

"Do you three realize what you've done?!?"

"Yes. We saved the Neal Diamond."

"While you two destroyed the museum." I hand the guy the diamond back.

"Here you go, sir."

"C'mon Kid and Hood Danger. Let's go."

"Alright."

"Whoa whoa..." They walk into each other.

"Alright..."

"Which way you goin'."

"This way, let's go this way..."

"This way? I'm in the dark."

"I'm grabbing you..." Uncle Ray grabs Hen and uses me to lead him out of the museum.

"Find your buddy..."

"Hello?!?"

"I'm on you, don't bump into anything..." I move but, Uncle Ray doesn't catch it in time.

"Whoa, okay..."

"What was that?"

"Ow!" Uncle Ray holds onto me again and grabs Hen.

"I'm all good. I'm all good." I lead them out and into the car. Looks like I'm driving back to the Man Cave. This was a very weird and long day.

A couple of days later

Today is Char's birthday which we are doing something special for her birthday. Uncle Ray, Schwoz, Hen, Jasp, and I are taking her to go see the Boo Man Group.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!" I should also mention that We, when I really mean the guys, decided to blindfold Char and lead her to Schwoz's RV.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

"Where are you guys taking me and where's Tess?"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR CHARLOTTE!"

"Why does it smell like Schwoz in here?"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

"Woo! Okay okay okay, you ready?"

"I don't know?" Uncle Ray takes the blindfold off of Char.

"Ta-daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"

"Where am I?"

"You're in Schwoz's R.V.!"

"Yeah! This is Schwoz's recreational vehicle!"

"And you guys are giving it to me for my birthday?"

"No..."

"No, mainly because I don't think Schwoz is selling it at the moment."

"No we're taking you somewhere."

"Guess where you're goin'!"

"Uhhh..."

"You want a hint?"

"Ooo, a hint!"

"Sure---give me a hint. Yeah--Ow--" Schwoz and Jasp push Char and I out of the way.

"Oh, there you are Tess. Hey."

"Hey." Char puts her purse down.

"So..."

"So what?"

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Tell who what?" Char whispers it to me.

"Tell Henry that you like him that way?" And my face now bright red.

"Charlotte!!! It's your birthday! I couldn't do that you on your birthday!"

"Consider it a birthday gift from you to me."

"Charlotte! We're already taking you somewhere."

"Okay, consider it a double gift."

"Charlotte!" Looks like the guys are done talking about whatever they're talking about.

"Okay, okay..."

"Disperse, disperse."

"Okay, here's your hint."

"BOOOOOO!!!" Now my face is not red anymore.

"Ahh! Well, I hope my birthday present is a new heart."

"Nah nah nah nah..."

"It's not a new heart."

"But if you ever do need a new heart, I know a guy..." That's ominous.

"You're too close. C'mon guys, tell me where we're goin' for my birthday."

"Uh...why tell you, when we can show you. Show her the tickets." And Uncle Ray is showing his age again. We don't have print out tickets. We have e-tickets for this concert we're going to for Char's birthday. Jasp, Hen, and I had to find a way to get them before they were sold out for Char's birthday.

"Huh?"

"The tickets, show her the tickets."

"But they're e-tickets. We bought 'em online."

"Which was a pain in the butt to figure out how to get them before they sold out."

"Yeah, we don't have actual physical tickets."

"No we have e-tickets."

"You didn't print them out?"

"You're showing your age, Uncle Ray."

"Pfft--Print 'em out?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. we print them out on paper."

"Print them out! Yeah, nobody prints out tickets anymore."

"No, we use e-tickets."

"Well that makes me sick."

"Welcome to the modern age of Tech, Uncle Ray."

"So...you guys are taking me toooo...?"

"Okay, y'know what...here's a good hint! Remember the time--"

"We're takin' you to see the Boo Man Group!"

"AHHHH! For real?!?"

"For real!"

"I had a great hint."

"Oh my gosh, I'm so excited!"

"Yeah! We all are!"

"I'm excited and I don't even know what the Boo Man Group is!" Cue the shocked reactions.

"You don't know?!?"

"Schwoz?!?"

"The Boo Man Group are guys who dress up as ghosts then they juggle!"

"Silently!"

"Hey, the show starts at eight, right?"

"Oh yeah, it's already after seven, we better hit it!"

"Oh, let's go!"

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon."

"Let's do it." We get settle in.

"All right. Hey hey hey. Move, get in the back. I'm drivin'."

"Wh...but this is my R.V.!"

"Oh yeah! Too bad. Get in the back."

"I don't want to get into the back."

"Alright well I'm just gonna sit right here." Uncle Ray sits on Schwoz.

"There we go, that's right, that feels right. Settle in, it's a long trip. You gonna get in the back?"

"You're squishing me!"

"You gonna get in the back?"

"You're squishing me!"

"You gonna get in the back? Get in the back."

"Okay!" Uncle Ray gets up and Schwoz gets in the back.

"Get back there!"

"Ayyeee!!!"

"Hey...hey...hey...hey...hey..stop..."

"Get off me, nerd!"

"Hey quit it, quit it, quit it."

"All right. Is everybody ready!?"

"Yeeaahh!"

"No, just give me one second to...AYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" And we're off. Schwoz collides into the back of the car. Schwoz gets back up and sits in the swing.

"Okay--it's a forty-minute drive, so I figured we might want a snack on the way."

"Oooh. What'd ya bring?" Jasp pulls out a big old pot of soup. Great, he brought soup. On an R.V.

"I brought...a big pot of brown soup."

"You brought soup on a car trip?"

"Happy birthday." Jasp puts the soup down. Who's phone is ringing?

"Whose phone is that?!?! Whose is it?!?"

"It's Mine...it's mine. It's my little sister." What does Piper want now?

"Oh."

"Geez, man." Hen answers the phone.

"Heyyyy, Sistaaaahhh...what up with yaaaaahhh?"

"Where are you?!?"

"Uh, where am I. I am in a large vehicle, with my boss, and Tess, and Charlotte, and Jasper."

"Uh, excuse me, what am I? Just a dog in the back seat?"

"SHHHH! Sit."

"Aye." Schwoz acts like a dog and sits in the swing.

"So, uh...how did Dad do at the dentist? Did they yank out his wisdom?"

"Yes and now he's all 'medicated'."

"Is that... is that your mother?"

"No, it's not Mom!"

"I'm a project manager." I forgot that is what Mr. Hart does for a job.

"Look Piper, I'm actually on the way to see the Boo Man Group and I can't really talk to--"

"Dad swallowed my house key!" That's not going to be fun for Mr. Hart when it comes out the other end later.

"Wait, what? Dad did what?!?"

"Ulch, what'd your silly Dad do now?"

"He's all confused, and he was fiddling with my keychain, and when I wasn't looking, he swallowed my house key."

"Oh my God!"

"What happened?!?"

"What's wrong?!?"

"What is what?!?"

"My Dad had mouth surgery, and then he swallowed my sister's house key."

"Wait wait wait--your Dad is on pain medications and he's driving a car?" No, it sounds like Piper's driving which she could get busted for using her phone while driving.

"No, my sister's driving, okay."

'Wh--isn't she like twelve?"

"Yeah--they sent her a license by mistake."

"I don't understand-"

"Dude! This has all been established."

"Henry! How am I supposed to get inside the house?!?"

"Uh, why don't you call Mom?"

"'Cuz Mom is still in Palm Springs with her tennis instructor!"

"Your mom...your mom doesn't even have a tennis racket."

"Dad...please don't."

"Look, Piper, I wanna help you but we're already on the road--"

"Hey there's a Nacho Ball about four miles from here."

"So?" Ok, Mr. Sass pants.

"Soooo. Just tell Piper to meet us in fifteen minutes, at the Nacho Ball on Avenue Street."

"Why?!?" I love Hen dearly but, he is an idiot at times.

"So you can give her your house key."

"Yeah, that's what I'm sayin'. Hey Piper, meet us in fifteen minutes at the Nacho Ball on Avenue Street, so I can give you my house key."

"All right, fine."

"That is not what he was sayin'." Hen hangs up. Looks like we're making a stop before we get to the show.

Later

We all are eating the soup that Jasp brought with in the R.V.

"Okay, I gotta be honest--this brown soup is really good." She is not wrong.

"It's really good soup."

"Yep--excellent brown soup."

"So thick and brown." That just sounded wrong.

"Thanks. It's my mom's recipe." So, this is something that Iris made that tastes like food.

"It won the brown medal at last year's soup festival." No, it didn't.

"Wow, really?"

"No. But she wanted to win...so bad." The car jumps a little. Looks like Uncle Ray hit a pothole.

"Ahhhhhhh, Ohhh c'mon!"

"Awww noooo."

"What happened?"

"What's wrong?"

"Ahhh, I spilled Jasper's sad mom's brown soup all over my lap."

"I found a rag."

"Ahh great, here uhh...you steer and I'll wipe."

"Are you sure?"

"Give, give, give it to me. C'mon."

"Alright alright, okay okay." Uncle Ray wipes soup off of him while Hen is steering. Why is there an alarm going off?

"Uh-ohhh."

"Captain Man hotline." Now?

"All right, nobody worry. We're not answering it." We're the only superheros in town. We have to answer it.

"What?!?"

"What do you mean?!?"

"You have to answer it!"

"No! C'mon?!? We spent a ton a'money on these tickets to see the Boo Man Group. We are not working tonight. The police can handle things for a few hours without help from Captain Man, Kid Danger, and Hood Danger. Don't answer the--"

"I'm gonna answer it."

"Do not answer it."

"No, I'm answering it." Hen answers it.

"Hello, this is the Captain Man hotline, this is Kid Danger--what is your emergency?"

"Uh, hi! PLEASE HELP US!"

"Mmm-hmm. Can you be more specific?"

"Yeah! Uh...I'm the manager at Fred Lobster! And there's this freak here who's gone crazy! He's got hostages!"

"Gimme that! Just gimme the phone! Hi! This is the FREAK. WHAT'S UP!?!" He seems calm for knowing that someone called us on him.

"Hey, hello okay, okay sir why don't you just calm down and tell me why you're upset."

"I'm upset, 'cuz I'm at Fred Lobster, where tonight was SUPPOSED to be all-you-can eat lobster night, and they ran outta lobsters! I want lobster! And if I don't get all I can eat, everybody here's gonna be SORRY!"

"Okay, uh..." The call ends.

"Whoa...vintage dial tone."

"You don't hear that much anymore."

"No you really don't. It's nice. It's a nice little throw back, it's like a...it's like a little Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah..."

"Nah nah nah, it's more, it's more like, Baaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh..."

"What?!? What are you talking about? Y'know what, let's harmonize!"

"Alright harmonize!"

"On three. One two three..."

"Baaaaaaahhhhh..."

"Baaaaaaahhhhh."

"Ga ga ga ga ga ga..."

"Doo, doo doo! If you'd like to make a call."

"You guys!"

"What?"

"'Sup?"

"What are you gonna do about the hostage situation at Fred Lobster?!?"

"I told you already--we're gonna call the cops. Let the cops handle it."

"Call the cops? Alright 'kay, I'm on it."

"Hey, Charlotte..."

"Yeah?"

"Knock knock."

"Uh, who's there?"

"Schwoz!"

"Schwoz who?"

"Me--Schwoz--from work." That is not you do a knock knock joke.

"What?"

"Happy birthday!!!" Did Schwoz bring a confetti popper with him?

"Swellview Police Department. What can I help you with?"

"Hey hi, this Kid Danger, I need you to se--"

"Ha ha ha. Just kidding--this is a recording...All police officers are either busy, or they're at the Boo Man Group. If you have an emergency, please call the Captain Man hotline."

"Looks like we're working tonight."

"Awww c'mon!"

"Ahh geez."

"Thank you and have a nine one wonderful day."

"Wow."

"That's awful."

"They are useless."

"Okay...alright. Let's suit up and let's head to Fred Lobster. Come on."

"No! I say we ignore that call, and I say we go see the Boo Man Group. Who's with me?!? Huh? Jerks!"

"Look dude, there's hostages involved."

"Oh there's hos...hostages. There's always hostages involved Henry."

"Yes hostages...Are you kidding me."

"Ask me if I care about hostages." Yes, my Uncle is acting like a very young child.

"Do you care about hostages? You're such an immature little kid. Wow."

"Alright!!!" Uncle Ray honks the horn? So, the horn plays disco music. Uncle Ray moves his hand and the music stops.

"Awww."

"What-up with the disco lights?"

"Yeah."

"I connected my horn to a disco bowel! See, I had three disco bowels, so I took one of them--" Not the weirdest thing Schwoz has done in the 4, almost 5 years of knowing him.

"All right Schwoz, nobody wants to hear about your disco bowels. Now, since it's Charlotte's birthday, I say we let Charlotte decide whether we work tonight,"

"Wow."

"And go to some dumb Fred Lobster to free a bunch of hostages that we don't even know personally...Or...Or... We go and fulfill Charlotte's birthday dream of seeing a performance by the Boo Man Group. I mean..." She's going to pick the second option.

"I say we gotta go to Fred Lobster." I was right.

"No!!!" Uncle Ray honks the horn again and the disco music starts again. Uncle Ray takes his hand off the horn which makes the disco music stop.

"Awww."

"Hey, can I say something?"

"Ugh..."

"Uncle Ray!"

"It's only 7:15."

"So?!?"

"So, if we go to Fred Lobster, you guys can stop the freak, rescue the hostages, and then we should still be able to make it to the Boo Man Group maybe a little after eight."

"That makes sense."

"Yeah, let's do that."

"That's a pretty good plan."

"Fine! But next year, on Charlotte's birthday, we're doing what I wanna do!"

"Not how birthdays work."

"Totally."

"Yeah, that is fair." Uncle Ray, Hen, and I pull out our tubes and pop a gumball. We transform into Captain Man, Kid Danger, and Hood Danger.

A little later

We are at Fred Lobster. Uncle Ray parks the R.V and grabs a blaster.

"Gah! Okay...Now...We're gonna go into Fred Lobster, grab the freak, free the hostages, then get back here so we can get to the Boo Man Group."

"Right. But while we're in there, can we grab some a'those Better Cheddar Biscuits?"

"Ooo, you Better Cheddar believe it."

"Ha ha!"

"Hey hey, I hear someone's phone vibrating."

"Uh..." We all check until Hen realizes it's his.

"Oh no, it's Piper!"

"You were supposed to meet her at Nacho Ball!"

"Yeah, yea-yea-yeah. I know, I know--I forgot! Dang it. I know, I'm comin', I'm comin'." Hen answers Piper while Uncle Ray heads to the door.

"Heyyyyyyyyy, how's my sister, the A-listerrrr?"

"You were supposed to meet me at Nacho Ball fifteen minutes ago!!! Where are you?!?"

"Uhhh, that's a...very good question which...Jasper will answer for you right now." Hen tosses his phone to Jasp.

"Oww!"

"Kid, let's do this."

"I'm comin', I'm comin'."

"What do you want me to tell her?!?"

"I dunno dude, just make somethin' up! Or tell her that I had to--" Uncle Ray grabs Hen and drags him out of the R.V.

"What?" We head inside and we're at the wrong Fred Lobster.

Chapter Text

Tess

We head inside and we're at the wrong Fred Lobster. Uh oh. I see a table full of soccer girls and they just noticed Hen/Kid Danger. Double Uh Oh. When the girls start to get out of their seats, that's when we run out of the restaurant and head back to the R.V.

"Unlock the door!! Open the door!!"

"Hey what's happening?"

"Here come Henry, Ray, and Tess."

"Open the door!" Uncle Ray becomes one with the door before he opens it. I come into the R.V. with him. Where's Hen?

"I told you to open the door!!!"

"What's going o--"

"AHHHHHHHH!!!" There's Hen! Wait, why were we all screaming?

"Open the door!" Uncle Ray opens the door.

"Get in, get in, get in." Hen gets in and we close the door.

"Go! Go! Go! Go!"

"What happened in Fred Lobster?!?" Besides that we went to the wrong one.

"Did you free the hostages?!?" Again, went to the wrong one.

"No we did not free the hostages!"

"No. Go, go, go." Uncle Ray starts the R.V. and drives away very quickly which I hold onto the back of his seat to avoid landing on Char who's on top of Jasp who is on top of Schwoz.

"Well what happened?!?"

"We went to the wrong Fred Lobster!"

"Whaaaat?!?"

"Wrong one?!?"

"Well wait...so what happened in there?"

"There was a junior high girl's soccer team in there."

"And when they saw Kid Danger, one of 'em screamed, 'Oh my God we love you Kid Danger!!!' and next thing we knew..."

"They were all over me!" That reminds me. I still have to tell Uncle Ray about my crush on Hen so that whole him flirting with Mrs. Hart if Hen and I go the distance doesn't continue or become awkward.

"The whole girls' soccer team!"

"They chased us all the way to the car!"

"Well, they chased me."

"And tried to bribe me to get 'Kid Danger's' phone number."

"Dude, a lotta them were also yelling 'Captain Man! Captain Man--'"

"Well, I mean kind of but not really."

"Well. I mean I don't like it anymore than you do." And we have a girl on the windshield.

"KID DANGERRRR!!!"

"Ahhh!"

"I love you! Please notice me!!!" I mouth the words "Get in line, little girl!" because she is not the only one who wants "Kid Danger" to notice her.

"AHHHHHH!!!" Uncle Ray tries to kick the windshield, but that fails. Uncle Ray turns on the windshield wipers to get her off the windshield. Uncle Ray also swerves the R.V to get her off. We finally get her off the R.V. That was a pain in the ass to get her off. Uncle Ray starts to drive normally and turns off the windshield wipers. Why is there an alarm going off?

"Ahhh!" And it's Uncle Ray's phone. Uncle Ray answers his phone.

"Captain Man hotline."

"Hi, this is the manager from Fred Lobster."

"Oh yeah? Which Fred Lobster?"

"The one on Madison." Which we should have asked before the freak took the phone.

"Oh, oh yeah 'On Madison,' now ya tell us!"

"Alright, don't worry--we're on our way to your location right now."

"No no, don't come here!"

"What?!? Why not?!?"

"'Cuz that crazy freak...he let the hostages go, then he took off in his truck!" That's odd. Criminals like him don't usually do that.

"Oh. Really?"

"Ah, well that's awesome." I have a feeling that there's more to that problem than we know right now.

"Problem solved."

"No it's not! 'Cuz on the way out, the guy grabbed Lobbie!" And there's the twist. Everyone expect for Uncle Ray gasp.

"Who's Lobbie?"

"The Fred Lobster mascot!"

"The guy who wears a lobster suit and walks around the restaurant making everyone feel happy!"

"Yah! One time Lobbie helped me find the bathroom, when I really needed it." TMI Schwoz.

"Captain Man?!? Please! You've gotta find Lobbie."

"All right uhh...exactly what kind of vehicle was the freak driving?"

"Uh...It was a truck...a green truck with four wheels"

"Green truck, four wheels, got it. Uh, and uh what direction was he headed?"

"Uhhh...he was..." Who's phone is going off?

"Awww! Now Piper's calling me!" Forgot about Piper.

"D'ahhh man, I forgot about Piper. Gimme the phone, gimme the phone." Hen grabs Uncle Ray's phone.

"Excuse me, can you please hold?"

"No! Don't put me on--"

"Fantastic, thank you." Hen puts the guy on hold.

"Do no drop your phone in the brown soup!" So, that's happened to Hen's phone.

"But I don't wanna talk to her right now."

"Jasper, gimme the phone!"

"Deal!" Jasp hands Hen his phone. Hen answers the call. Here we go.

"Hey Piper..."

"Henry, I am so mad at you!"

"I know, I know, it's just I'm rea--"

"Dad ate most his shirt!" Mr. Hart has what to what?

"What? Why?!?"

"'Cuz he's loopy on dental medication!"

"All right, look, I'm on my way to you right now." Problem, Hen! You're Kid Danger right now. Piper doesn't know that you're Kid Danger.

"Pst."

"Just stay where you are."

"Pst."

"No, I'm driving to you!"

"What? No, no don't drive to me--I'll drive to you. Ow--What what?!?"

"You can't let your sister see you dressed as Kid Danger!"

"I'll change my clothes!"

"You can't change back now--we gotta find the freak who kidnapped Loogie!" It's Lobbie, not Loogie.

"Lobbie!"

"Well I have to give my sister a house key! Okay."

"Okay, are you a sidekick, or just a regular kid?" Are we seriously doing this right now?

"Bingo, Ray! THAT is the central conflict that defines our relationship!" That was a very weird statement.

"Henry! Where are you?!?"

"Uhhh...I-I don't know, where are you?"

"I'm on Madison...about three blocks before Street Boulevard." The Freak and Lobbie!

"Hey hey, that's actually really close to where we are right now."

"Green truck."

"Dad, will you please just finish eating your shirt?!?"

"Green truck!!!" Was that a crash? What happened?

"What happened?"

"What's going on?"

"Piper? Piper? Piper, hello? Are you okay?!?"

"Yeah...yeah...we're all right. We just hit a...a green truck...with uh...four wheels."

"Is that a giant lobster?" Looks like they found Lobbie.

"Lobbie?"

"Oh my gosh, thank you!"

"For what? What'd I do?!?"

"That maniac, driving the green truck--he took me from the restaurant! You saved my life!"

"Piper! Are you with Lobbie?!?!"

"Yeah! Lobbie's right here! I just hit the truck he was it!"

"She saved my life!"

"Yeah! Amazing."

"Ho ho ho, yeah."

"Now can we get to the Boo Man Group?!?"

"Yeah let's go!!!"

"Yes!!"

"Hey-hey-hey. Wait-wait-wait! No-no-no-no. I still gotta give Piper my house key."

"Hey! Hey there's an accident with a green truck. Up ahead, see?"

"Oh yeah...yeah-yeah-yeah, and there's my, there's my dad's car. Alright, just pull over and i'll give Piper the house key." One problem. Kid Danger!

"No no wait! She'll see you dressed as Kid Danger!"

"Oh yeah. Well I don't know what to do-what are we gonna do then?"

"Ah, just gimme the keys!"

"What?"

"Gimme the keys. Gimme the keys."

"What are you gonna do?" Hen gives Uncle Ray his keys.

"Tell your sister to make Lobbie move to his right." Uncle Ray rolls down the window.

"Piper, can you uh--can you make Lobbie to move to his right a little."

"Alright, fine! Lobbie, will you move to your right?"

"For you? Sure!" Uncle Ray tosses the keys.

"Owwwww!!!" And they hit Piper.

"Yeah!!!"

"Ha ha yeah!"

"Yeah!"

"All right, she got the keys!"

"Boo Man Group!"

"Woo!"

"Yeah!" Uncle Ray turns on the disco music by honking the horn. We go to see Boo Man Group and Char ended up having a good birthday.

A couple of days later-Man Cave

Uncle Ray, Hen, and I come down to the tubes.

"Well, it was actually invented in the 1700s by a guy named Kevin Sham." I stopped listening a while ago.

"Kevin Sham?"

"Yeah. And he made it by mixing honey with cat poop." Ew.

"Ahhhhhh, that's why they call it..."

"Sham--poo."