Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Space was endless, time held no meaning, all sense of being was stripped away in the face of the void.  Loki had let go and Thor had followed: he had managed to grab his brother, and then a seemingly endless darkness followed.  He had the vaguest awareness of consciousness, and that their lives were in danger, and he willed himself to keep them safe.  Thor had gripped his brother desperately, and convinced himself that Loki’s nails digging into his arms were attempts to grip him back and not to force him to release.  He had no idea how much time they passed in that way, floating in the void; awake but not, alive but not, conscious but not, before at some point he found himself blinking and realizing he was seeing light.

Or what passed for light on a planet that was perpetually dim and dark, a cold and icy land that his brother had started to destroy before Thor broke the Bifrost and stopped him.  

Thor was freezing, he felt it bone-deep in him and his core trembled as he stared up at the sky and tried to understand the stimuli he was taking in.  His mind sluggishly reminded him of what had taken place, the fall into the void and the travel he may or may not have half-dreamed, and then where he was now.  Thor’s subconscious supplied the name that he struggled to recollect on his own:  Jotunheim.  

But where was Loki, where was his brother?  He rolled over with effort, a heaviness in him that he couldn’t place at first as he squinted around for any sign of another.  “Brother?”  his tongue felt heavy in his mouth, and he forced himself to sit up as he looked around.  “Loki?”  he tried again, and he heard a stirring to his side and turned to see Loki on his side coming around with a muffled moan.  

Thor slid the couple of feet over to him where he set a hand on Loki’s shoulder and shook him lightly.  “Brother, are you alright?  Loki?  Loki, wake up-”  his worry had started to increase as Loki didn’t rise.  But then Loki’s eyes opened suddenly, fell on Thor, and he drew in a sharp breath as he sat up and shoved at Thor immediately.  

“What have you done?”  

Thor was taken aback, confused and mind-numbed as he tried to process through his exhaustion and cold what was happening.  “What…?”

“You ruined everything, you broke the Bifrost, you stupid, foolish-you are unbelievable.  And then you had to go and fall and cling onto me-”

“Brother-”  Thor tried to interject and even in the dim, eerie light of Jotunheim he could see Loki’s features well enough to see him sneer.  

“I am not your brother!”  

Thor couldn’t gather his thoughts well, he was so cold, and felt so lethargic.  He felt that there was something he should be aware of, something he needed to remember, but he couldn’t quite reach it yet.  “Of course you are.”  he mumbled.  “You cannot change that by your anger alone.”

Loki scoffed as he shoved at Thor again, and Thor was surprised when he fell partially backwards and had to catch himself that way.  He seemed to be about to speak again but Thor beat him to it.

“I did not fall, I went after you on purpose!  I thought I could pull us back.”  That plan had gone awry, clearly.

“Pull us back?”  Loki repeated scornfully.  “With what exactly?  You thoughtless, wretched oaf.”  

Thor frowned at the volley of insults and Loki’s demeanor.  “I was trying to save you!"

Loki laughed derisively.  “Ah, the Golden Prince of Asgard, deigning to save his wayward false brother-”

“-Do not call me that, or yourself that.  You are my brother.”

Loki leaned closer to sneer at Thor with his teeth slightly bared.  “Suddenly you do not wish to be the golden prince?  What was it your mortal did that changed you so well, I wonder?  I really must meet her sometime-”

“Enough!”  Thor snapped.  “Do not bring Jane into this-”

“-Jane.”  Loki mocked.  “There is no ‘this’, there is only you, trying to play the hero and ruining everything and getting me stuck Norns know where-”

“-Jotunheim.”  Thor supplied, and Loki looked momentarily stricken as he began to glance rapidly around.  He seemed not to have taken stock of his surroundings initially, but once he did, Loki seemed almost wild with his stress about it.  He was concerned and reached a hand out to Loki’s shoulder, but Loki smacked it away roughly.  

“Do not touch me.”  he hissed, and then pushed himself up and Thor did the same.

Thor noted a stumble in his step, and that his limbs felt heavy, and his foggy mind seemed just out of reach of an answer as to why that was so.   “You will not even let me comfort you?”  he sighed.  

“Comfort?”  Loki’s expression was wrathful again.  “I would have been comforted with this wretched realm destroyed, and you gone forever, and now here we are because of you.”  he snarled.

Thor was taken aback, Loki’s rage and madness seemed unending, and he didn’t know where Loki had been keeping such a well of venom all this time.  “I tell you again, brother, I am sorry for whatever wrongs I have done you.  Truly-”

“How many times must I say it: we are not brothers.”  Loki grabbed a fistful of Thor’s shirt and then slammed his fist into Thor’s face.  Thor was surprised by how much it hurt and he instinctively reached his hand up to catch Loki’s wrist as his brother tried again.  He expected to stop him easily, but both were surprised when Loki easily jerked away and brought his fist down again.  

Loki released Thor who staggered back from the second punch and put a hand to his face as he stared at his brother.  “Your rage changes nothing.  Even if you…hate me, Loki…we are brothers still.”

The scornful laugh that came as a reply made Thor grimace.  “Oh, I do hate you, Odinson.  I cannot stand the sight of you.”  Thor’s pained expression didn’t go unnoticed by Loki who smirked.  “Oh, dear, I would almost think that hurt your feelings…if you were capable of that sort of thing.”

“Loki, stop this!”  Thor took a step closer as he tried again to reach his brother with words.  “Only days ago you told me never to doubt that you loved me, now you would say that we are not brothers and you hate me?  What has happened, please tell me.”

“A lie, told to put you at ease for what was to come.”

“What?”

Loki smirked, smug and malicious as he explained.  “Someone had to do something to block your idiotic rule a bit longer.”

Thor stared at him for a few seconds before it dawned on him and his eyes widened.  “You let them in!  And then…you spoke to me of Jotunheim, you meant to goad me, to make me-”

“And you fell for it, showing all of Asgard what a witless, unworthy boy you are!”  Loki seethed rage and satisfaction.  

Thor felt his own temper flare, that his brother would put Asgard at risk in such a way.  That he would do any of it to his own brother.  That Loki was being as he was, that he’d sent the Destroyer, that he kept saying they were not brothers.   The temptation to lash out was there, but he reminded himself that he was changed, or at least trying to change, and that Loki was hurting for some reason and he needed to aid him.  And the situation they were in would not be helped by Thor’s own rage.  “Fine!  I was…I was not fit to rule.  Father was right to banish me, and you are right to call me unworthy.”

A flicker of surprise registered in Loki’s expression, then skepticism as he glared.  

“But to bring Jotuns into Asgard?  To send the Destroyer to Midgard?   Trying to use the Bifrost to destroy Jotunheim-”

“Someone had to do the right thing!”

“Slaughtering an entire realm is not the-”

“-Do not pretend to be noble now, Thor!   You have lived for slaughter, you thrilled to speak of it.  Do not pretend otherwise now.”  

“And I was wrong!”  Thor finally thundered back, frustrated, angry, and mentally foggy.  “I was every bit as foolish as you say!  And I see now that I was wrong.”

“Too late, if so, but it matters not.  Now we are in Jotunheim, with no means to leave, because you destroyed the Bifrost!”

“So we will find a way home-”

“I have no home with you, Odinson!   And there is no ‘we’ in this, you can rot here with the frost giants you are suddenly so soft for!”  Loki started to turn away and Thor grabbed his upper arm.  

“You cannot be serious, Loki, this is Jotunheim!  I will not leave you-”

Loki slammed a fist into Thor’s face and Thor dropped, he fell to his side with a groan as he curled in on himself a little and clutched at his face.  He was so cold, so tired…

“What is wrong with you?”  Loki sounded angry, and also like he might have thought Thor was faking whatever he was seeing in Thor.  

“You punched me, brother.”  Thor muttered as he rubbed at his head and tried to clear the dizziness he found there.   

Loki had never sent Thor to a collapse from a punch before, and the more he looked at Thor, the more he realized he seemed pale and disoriented, with unfocused, reddened eyes.  He bent at the waist with a frown to clamp a hand on the side of Thor’s head as he sent a little magic out to see what he could find.  

Thor lifted a hand to cover Loki’s and he jerked away as though burned, but he had read enough from the magic although he couldn’t believe it.   “What did you do in the void?”

“What?”

“Did you use some kind of power?”

Thor scrunched his face as he tried to recall.  “I…think so.  It is hard to remember.”

Loki held out a hand as if to help Thor up, and he was surprised but hopeful as he grabbed it and Loki pulled him upright.  Only to to twist Thor’s arm against his chest and shove him several paces backwards into an ice wall.

“Loki!”  Thor growled as he started to push Loki off, or at least try.  

Loki had clamped a hand around the crook of Thor’s neck and shoulder and pinned his back to the wall, while free hand had grabbed Thor’s and pinned it beside his head.  

Thor tried to pry Loki’s hand from his neck, and push away from the wall at the same time, but he was confused when his attempts were failing him.  Loki didn’t budge at all, and that shouldn’t be the case, Thor was always the far stronger of the two.  “What did you do?”

“What did I do?”  The hand on his neck tightened painfully and Thor made a pained noise in the back of his throat as he again tried unsuccessfully to push Loki away.  “What did you do?  You clearly did something in the void, something with your powers.  Because they are gone now.”

Thor stilled as he stared at Loki, and looked for it to be a lie.  “No…”  but the tugging that had been in his mind accepted the new information, it was what he’d forgotten.  That how he felt now was much like how he’d felt powerless on Midgard.  

Loki began to laugh coldly.  “Oh, this is rich.  This is justice, truly.  You are good as mortal, Thor.”

“That cannot be, my powers were back…I…what could I have done in the void?”

“Does not matter now, you are mortal-weak and frail, in Jotunheim, with no weapons or way home!”  Loki smirked before he roughly threw Thor sideways and Thor stumbled to the ground.  “You must be so cold, perhaps in pain too?  Tell me, how does it feel to know you shall die here, with your newly dear frost giants, alone and helpless.”

Thor stared at Loki, still somehow unable to believe the vicious things he was saying.  “You cannot mean to leave without me.”

“That is exactly what I will do.  You shall not last long at all like this, so ends Thor Odinson, the Golden Prince of Asgard!”  he cackled.

“Loki, this is madness, we are brothers.  I know you love me as I love you-”

“-A lie!  All of it, a lie!”  Loki spat before a speculative gleam entered his eye.  He eyed Thor a moment before his lips curved into a mocking smile.  “Although, I suppose…I could be convinced to aid you for now.  You are a subject of Asgard, and I am her King.  Beg for my aid, my mercy, and perhaps I will grant it.”

“Is this a game to you?”  Thor shouted.  

“Beg, or I will leave you right now.”  Loki ignored the question.

“Loki…how can you be like this?”  Thor’s voice betrayed his hurt, but Loki’s cold expression didn’t change.  

“Last chance, Thor.”  

Thor stared at Loki and saw it in his face, if he didn’t humor Loki, he would surely leave Thor.  And the realization floored and crushed him.  “Please help me, brother.”  he heard himself say, almost numbly.  

“No!  You will beg it of your king.  Kneel, and beg for my mercy, Thor!  Now!”

Thor swallowed hard, the temptation to rise to anger instep alongside his grief that his brother was being this way, that they were here at all.  He pulled his stiff limbs into a kneeling position as he met Loki’s gaze.  “Please…help me, show…mercy…my king.”  

Loki laughed and tapped his chin thoughtfully.  “No, I do not think I will.”

Thor’s eyes widened.  “Loki.”  A wealth of emotion, of confusion, of hurt, of pleading, of disbelief.

Loki smirked as he stepped closer and jerked Thor’s face up towards him roughly by the chin.  “Then again, I do like this look for you.  Beneath me, knowing your place.”  he said, and the emphasis on the words brought back to Thor’s mind when Loki had tried to advise him and Thor had told him ‘know your place, brother’.

Loki’s anger and feelings of injury weren’t unfounded, but Thor couldn’t understand the level and form of it, couldn’t understand how his brother could go from loving to hateful.  It couldn’t be a lie, as Loki claimed, Thor knew they shared brotherhood, they had been so very close once.  

”I am sorry that I have wronged you.”  he mumbled.

”You are not sorry, you neither know nor care what you have done.  But you will learn.  I have decided to be benevolent, like the good and true king I am.”  he patted Thor’s cheek patronizingly before he grabbed the top of Thor’s head.  He made a motion with his other hand and chanted a short spell of some kind, and a rush of warmth flooded through Thor and began to clear some of his stiffness and mental fog.  Loki was using magic to keep Thor at a stable body temperature.  Thor inhaled with automatic relief, and he stared up Loki.  “Thank me for my mercy.”  Loki ordered.

Thor stared at Loki, looking for any sign of the little brother he’d always known and loved, and saw none.  Quietly, he said.  “Thank you for your mercy…”

“My king.”

“...My king.”  

Loki laughed as he shoved Thor’s head away roughly.  “Come then, subject.  We must find a place to shelter, while I seek means to undo this mess you have put us in.”

Thor wanted to rage, he wanted to throttle his brother, he wanted to make him speak and answer for what slights he claimed Thor had done him.  He wanted him to answer for the terrible things he’d done and was doing.  But most of all, he wanted his brother back, he wanted to see Loki smiling and teasing him, playful and loving as always.  Thor wanted his best friend and most trusted companion back, not this cruel-eyed stranger who spoke of leaving him to die alone with glee.  Thor had no choice but to humor his whims, because especially if Thor was mortal, he would die without Loki very quickly.  And he didn’t want to lose Loki, he needed to stay close.

“Here, let me help you up.”  Loki said, false friendliness as he yanked Thor up by the scruff of the neck and hurtled him forward.  Thor almost fell again and Loki chuckled.  “Mortality suits you, Thor.  As being stronger suits me.”

“How can you be like this to me?”  Thor asked, a bit miserably.  

“I used to ask myself that of you.”  Loki said, a frown curling his lips as he moved past Thor and shoulder checked him as he did so.  “Get moving, we have been out in the open too long already.  If you fall behind, I will leave you.”

Thor watched his brother’s retreating form with and desperately wanted to pull him into a hug, desperately wanted to make him understand.  He loved his brother dearly, he always had, despite the mistakes he’d made in showing it and valuing Loki openly.  Thor didn’t know how to get through to him, how to make him believe what he so clearly had only doubts of.  He followed Loki quickly, his mind on all the events that had come to pass, and worried about what would come next.

Chapter Text

Thor walked behind Loki in silence, Loki clearly didn’t want conversation and it was clear it would go poorly if he tried.  He instead tried to recall what happened in the void, and how he might have lost his powers.  Had he somehow become ‘unworthy’ again?  But he hadn’t thought his father’s spell was repeatable that way.  So then, had Thor himself done something, but what?  He remembered clutching Loki, Loki’s nails in his arm, he remembered being desperate for them to live…there was a suffocating feeling…and then a warmth…

He hadn’t realized Loki had stopped walking and he nearly ran into him, lost in thought.  Loki was scanning the area, and as Thor glanced around, he saw nothing.  “What is it?”

“Someone needs to be paying attention, and clearly it is nit you.”  Loki replied coolly.

“I think it would be hard to miss a frost giant, brother.”  Thor muttered.

Loki whipped around with a sneer.  “Stop calling me that.”

Thor stared at Loki for a moment, mouth set in a tight line before he sighed.  “I have called you that all my life, it is a hard habit to break.  I will try, if it will make you less angry.”

“My anger is none of your concern and not to be lessened by the likes of you”  

Thor felt like whatever he said or did, Loki would throw something out just to be stubborn.  He tried to change the subject.  “Were you the one that made it warm?”

“What?”  Loki’s brow furrowed before he looked annoyed.  “Obviously, did you not see me cast-”

“-In the void.”  Thor cut him off and Loki paused.

Loki seemed to consider the question with a frown.  “You thought it warm?”

“There was a light too, I think.”

Loki scoffed.  “It was nothing but darkness, you fool.  You imagined it.”  he waved a dismissive hand and turned to walk away and Thor followed.

He’d been sure though, in the darkness and the cold, there had been a warmth that spread through his body and he swore he could remember a light.  Thor clenched and unclenched his hands and tried to feel his power, but he couldn’t.  Of all the times and all the realms to be helpless in, it had to be Jotunheim with his little brother gone mad.

They walked perhaps another hour, time was hard to gauge, and they came upon what could pass for a small cave and Loki headed inside.  Thor followed and Loki eyed him with a condescending gaze.  “I should make you sleep outside with the beasts.  Count yourself lucky I am a merciful king.”  

Thor was tempted to make a sharp retort, but thought the better of it.  He had no doubt this Loki would follow through for spite.  He made no reply and thought that would be the end of it but Loki stalked over to stand in front of him and glare.  “Did you not hear me?”

Thor blinked, taken aback.  “I heard you, bro-Loki, what would you have me say?”

“Thank me for my benevolence.”

Thor closed his eyes a moment as he struggled against the urge to grab his brother by the throat and slam him into the nearest solid surface.  He opened them and said tonelessly.  “Thank you, my king.  Is this to be a regular occurrence now?  You wish me to praise you for everything you do?”

“It is no less than you have expected all your life.  You think I deserve less?”  Loki snarled.

Thor groaned and Loki glared.  “You have been my little brother all my life, it is not a matter of expecting or deserving.  I do not put myself above you in asking.”

”I am not your brother, but I am your king, and if you expect me to keep you alive you will treat me as I am due.”  Loki snapped.

Thor felt a tiredness settle over him, along side of a sadness as he stared at Loki with a frown.  “I cannot understand why you hate me so, but I have only ever loved you, Loki.  I have from the first moment and I will to my last, regardless of anything else.”

Loki gritted his teeth, a look of discomfort and irritation in his gaze as he shoved at Thor before he turned away.  “Be quiet, I cannot listen to your whining anymore.”  he set to work using spell craft to set up a protective barrier at the entrance, and then make a small fire.  

Thor couldn’t stand seeing Loki’s coldness, or resist the temptation to speak if he kept seeing him, so he headed for the entrance of the cave instead and stared out of it with his thoughts scattered.  Odin was awake, so Asgard would be safe, and thus his mother and his people.  But did Odin know they were even alive?  Heimdall had not made contact and if he’d seen them, surely he would have.   What if Odin believed them dead and never came looking?  How long would it take to repair the Bifrost?  Could they get home on their own?  Loki didn’t seem hopeless, and so he must have a plan, but it seemed he wouldn’t share it with Thor.  

As for Thor, his survival was contingent on Loki’s whim and mood, and that did not bode well for him.  He tried to think of what had gone so wrong, what could have changed so much.  Had Thor’s banishment just given Loki such confidence to move forward with a venom that had always been present?  Or was there another catalyst?  Had he truly gone mad, perhaps suffered a mental malady or a curse?  

What had so convinced him to doubt Thor’s love and brotherhood?  Thor had been…unworthy, it was true.  He had not valued his brother well in the past years, he had not always been kind.  But they’d shared so much closeness before that all of their lives.  

----------------

A storm raged outside and a young Loki huddled under his covers and covered his ears to block out the sound.  The boom of the thunder and the shadows cast by the crash of the lightning unnerved him, it troubled his sleep.

Loki was startled when he felt a weight on the bed and a hand touch him, and he jerked backwards as he pulled the covers down only to see Thor, his big brother.

Loki felt an immediate relief as Thor steadied him with a hand.  “Brother?”

Thor slipped next to Loki and slid his legs under the covers as he pressed close.  “The storm is too loud.”  he said.  “I think I would sleep better even with you snoring.”  he teased.

Loki huffed at the tease, but he knew it for what it was.  Thor knew Loki was frightened of storms, but Loki didn’t want others to mock him for that fear, he had reached a point where he didn’t want to head for Thor’s room because others would comment on it.  Prior to that, Loki would often go straight to Thor’s room and knew Thor would gladly let him stay.

Thor coming to his room took the responsibility away from Loki for seeking the comfort, and Thor had even pretended it was for his own benefit.

His big brother could be a fool sometimes, but he really was the best big brother Loki could ask for.

“I suppose you could stay.”  Loki hedged playfully.

Thor grinned as he pressed their heads together and slipped an arm around Loki’s shoulder in a one-armed hug.  “You suppose, do you?  How very kind of you, brother.”

“It is, isn't it?”  Loki sniffed with a superior expression before he and Thor burst out laughing.  

Thor scooted down into a laying position and pulled Loki against his chest.  Loki’s head was on his chest and he curled an arm around his big brother’s waist as Thor pulled the blankets over them and stroked Loki’s hair with his free hand.  Thor began to hum one of their mother’s lullabies, and Loki could feel the rumble of it in his brother’s chest as well as his impossible warmth.  For all the Loki often ran cold, Thor ran hot, and his brother’s presence and warmth was soothing.  

Loki nuzzled his face against Thor’s chest as he settled in, no longer concerned about the storm, and instead pleased that he’d get to spend the night this way.  He never had nightmares either when his brother was there, and he always felt he slept better that way.  “Thank you, brother.”

“Nothing to thank me for, Loki.  I am always here for you.”  Thor said gently.  Thor could be so wild and reckless sometimes, loud and boisterous even, but for Loki he was soft and gentle as a puppy and Loki loved the specialness of it.  He was Thor’s one and only beloved little brother.  And Thor was Loki's brother, his alone. 

“Goodnight, brother, I love you.”

“I love you too, brother.”  Thor said warmly as he scrunched enough to press a kiss to the crown of his brother’s head, and the pair soon fell asleep.

 ------------------------

Thor ached at the memory, ached at all the memories like it, and the possibility that it was something that would never return.  He had done a poor job of showing Loki his love of late, but he had not shown it well to anyone.  Thor had been arrogant, sometimes cruel, he’d been indeed foolish and entitled…but did that mean Loki should hate him so?  Did he think Thor did not love him, or did his love not matter?  How far could that hate run if Loki did not even wish to call Thor his brother?

Thor slipped an unconscious hand to his chest, the pain of the thought causing a sensation of physical pain in his heart.  He had always thought the world of his brother, always wanted them to be side by side till the end…it was his fault for making Loki doubt him but…to want him dead…was that showing Loki’s true character, or could Loki’s brokenness also be laid at Thor’s feet?

When Thor turned back to the fire he found Loki had wrapped himself up and turned away, apparently sleeping for the night.  He wished he could go to him, it felt painful to be so close and yet so far.  How hadn’t he realized that in so long?  When had Thor forgotten how much he’d wanted Loki by his side?  Loki had been right next to him these past years, but he couldn’t say they were truly together.

How could he fix this, fix them?

------------------

Thor woke up the next 'morning' to Loki shuffling around, and he squinted against the firelight before his gaze fell outside.  There seemed to be neither day nor night, Jotunheim was cold and dark at any time.

“I will go and hunt, as you are useless.”  Loki announced as he noted Thor had awoken.

Thor blinked and rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he sat up.  “Hunt?  In Jotunheim?”

“There are small creatures…it will not be a good meal, but it is preferable to starving.”

Thor started to rise.  “I would go with you-”

“-Did you hear what I said?”  Loki said coldly.  “You will be a hindrance.”

“I can still wield a weapon.”

“In the first place, I will not give you one.”  Loki said firmly as he came over to Thor.  He yanked him up by the collar of his shirt and then shoved him backwards where he stumbled and caught himself on a wall.  “In the second, you are weak.  If danger comes, do not expect I would aid you, I will leave you to die.”

Thor’s expression twisted with pain.  “How can you say such things?”

“Easily.”  Loki said with a shrug.  “Become used to it, or test my patience and see how long you last.”   Loki headed for the door of the cave and glanced out of it before he looked to Thor.  “Do not follow me.”  And then he was gone.

Thor stared at the space his brother had occupied, still not able to reconcile the Loki before him with the one he’d known all his life, even the one he’d known only days ago.

“Ooh, nice feathers.”

“This again, cow?”

“I was being sincere!”

”You are incapable of sincerity!”

“Am I?  I have waited for this day as long as you have.  You are my brother, and my friend.  Sometimes I am envious of you, but never doubt that I love you.”

“How do I look?”

“Like a king.”

Thor clenched his hands into fists before he sighed and sat down with his knees to his chest and stared at the fire.  Whatever he had to do to fix things between he and Loki, he would surely do it, but he had no idea what or how.  Thor wished desperately to have his little brother back.

--------------------

Time passed, and Thor could not gauge how long but he was sure it was longer than it should have been.  If he had to make a rough estimate, he would say it was around four hours…what if Loki had left him?  What if had been a trick?  But why bother putting a spell of warmth on him and having him join Loki in the cave if he only meant to abandon him?  That seemed too simple a ‘revenge’ for how malicious Loki was being…so either somehow it was really taking so long, or something had gone wrong.

Loki was right that Thor was weak, and it was dangerous, but if his brother was in danger he couldn’t simply do nothing.

Besides, if Loki was dead, Thor was dead anyway.

So with that in mind, Thor, mortal weak and without a weapon, headed out into the icy dark to find his brother.

Chapter Text

Thor peered out from the entrance of the makeshift cave to ensure he saw neither his brother nor any other being, and satisfied the area was empty, stepped out.  The issue was where to go, since everything looked the same and he had nothing to navigate by and no way of defending himself.  Thor did a full circle around and tried to guess where his brother might have gone before, as his eyes adjusted to the lack of firelight, he realized he could see very faint dots of light leading away.

Loki had made himself a magical trail of ‘bread crumbs’ to find his way back…which meant following it would lead him to his brother.  For a second, he debated whether he should follow then, because clearly Loki meant to come back.  But he had a bad feeling, he was sure it had been too long, and he wasn’t going to let Loki frighten him out of coming to his aid if it was needed.  Although what aid he could give at present he was less sure of.

Thor tried to stay out of open area as much as possible, he didn’t want to draw attention to himself as he followed the trail, and he wasn’t sure how much time had passed or how long he’d walked before Loki’s trail stopped.  But there was no Loki.  What if it was all a trick, a test to see if Thor would ‘obey’, and he had just gotten himself lost?  Perhaps it was Loki’s idea of fun, to lure Thor out just to abandon him.

He caught sight of a bit of light up ahead and felt a flicker of hope.  He tried to make out what it was at a distance and couldn’t, so he cautiously headed closer.  

There seemed to be a small camp of some kind, with strange, blue glowing stones that illuminated the camp.  The ground was littered with some bones and pelts, what seemed to be some makeshift pans, and various odds and ends.  The camp wasn’t Loki’s, which meant it was not a friendly place to be, but Loki’s trail of lights had ended close by and he didn’t think that was a coincidence.  Thor saw no one so he moved closer towards the camp, and moved in past where he’d been unable to see from his vantage and saw a body leaned up against a rock.  “Loki!”  

Thor immediately went to his brother’s side, Loki’s forehead was bleeding and his eyes were closed, his body slumped, and there were manacles clamped around his wrists attached to a long chain that caused his hands to be bound past each other.  “Loki!  Brother!”  he shook his shoulder, panicked for a moment at the thought that his brother might be-

Loki made a moaning noise as his eyes started to flutter, and Thor kept a hand on his shoulder as he peered at Loki with concern.  Green eyes found blue and Loki looked slightly confused before he jerked away from Thor.  “What are you doing?”  he hissed, before he seemed to wince and tilt his head as though it had hurt, and then his eyes found the manacles on his wrists.  “Shit.” he muttered, as he recalled what had happened.

“What happened?  Who bound you?”

“Two frost giants.”  Loki said through gritted teeth.  “They hit me from behind…”  he tugged at the binding on his wrists and exhaled in frustration.  He made several movements with his hands as best he could, and seemed to focus intently, but nothing came of it and after watching Loki grow more frustrated Thor ventured to ask.

“Can you not use your magic?”

“What does it look like, oaf?”  Loki snapped as he seemed to redouble his efforts to no avail.  

Thor grabbed the manacles then and jerked them towards him, even as Loki glared.  “You can do nothing without your powers, or the damned key.”   he ignored Loki’s ire as he inspected the manacles, and the tiny keyhole, and tugged experimentally at the chain that was attached the manacles.  Loki then jerked his hands away so hard it bent Thor’s finger a little and he glared right back at Loki.  “I am trying to help.”  

“Your help is as worthless as you are.”  Loki hissed, and Thor’s jaw clenched.  

He grabbed the chain that was attached to the manacles and started following it to see what it was attached to.

“What are you doing now?”  

Thor ignored him as he tugged and followed the chain several feet away, where he found it was embedded into a stone with a thin slab of metal and two nails.  He tugged at it, and then put his foot against the rock to brace himself as he pulled as hard as he could but it didn’t budge at all.  

Loki had lifted and walked around the side of the rock to see what Thor was doing and where the chain was attached.  He scowled at Thor’s attempt to yank it out.  “What part of mortal weak did you not comprehend?”

Thor cast his brother an irritated glance.  “Would you rather I do nothing?”

“It is what you are doing already.”  Loki snapped back as he continued seeming to try to invoke magic against the cuffs to no avail.

Thor shook his head as he went back to examining the place the cuffs were embedded to, and after a moment he asked.  “Could you pick the lock with your hands as they are?”

“If I had a tool for it, which I do not.”  Loki snapped again.  

Thor began to look around and grabbed and inspected different rocks from the ground.  

Loki stared in disbelief as Thor began seemingly taking the opportunity to inspect different rocks.  “Have you gone completely mad?”

Thor ignored him and kept at what he was doing, until Loki pushed at his shoulder with his bound hands.  At that, he rose quickly, his temper flaring as he glared down at Loki and snarled.  “I am trying to help you, Loki.  There is no time for your tantrum-”

“-My tantrum?”  Loki looked livid.  

Thor didn’t give an inch this time as he glared at Loki, his own expression fierce as he snapped.  “Shut up and let me help you, or leave me be.  But this argument is a waste of time, you brat.”  he turned from Loki and went back to what he was doing.

Loki seemed momentarily taken aback before he sneered and shook his head.  “Useless.”  he muttered as he went back to trying every spell he could think of, not understanding why his magic seemed to be working.  

Thor found a pair of rocks that suited his intent, and he slammed one into the side of where the metal plate was embedded as best he could while he used the other rock to slam against the metal, causing a clanking noise.  

“Be quiet!”  Loki hissed as he went to Thor’s side.  “Are you trying to bring them back?”

“They will be back regardless.”  Thor said as he continued.  

Loki twisted around Thor’s front and shoved his elbow into Thor’s collar bone as he slammed him back and shoved him against the rock.  “You will get us killed!”  

Thor made a frustrated noise through his throat as he grabbed at Loki’s collar and glared at him.  “I know what I am doing!  Unless you have a better idea, stop interfering!”

“Banging at it will not do-”

“-I have no time to explain, but I am not doing what you think I am.  Get out of my way.  Please, Loki.”  Thor was exasperated, but worried.

Loki eyed him for a few seconds, his expression angry, and then took a step back.  “Be quick then.”  

Thor went back to it, and got one stone back under the metal plate as he slammed with the other.  The rock he was banging with slit against his palm and he hissed in pain as it cut a jagged line and caused him to bleed onto the stone.  It grew slippery in his hand and he had to stop and wipe his hand and the stone.  

“Marvelous.  Truly a brilliant plan, Thor.  Make a mess on a rock-”

“-This may come as a surprise to you, brother, but the commentary is not helping.”  Thor snapped, and as Loki started to protest the use of brother Thor cut him off.  “Yes, I know, not the time!”  he grabbed at the rock again as he ignored the pain in his hand and continued, and he finally saw one of the nails come a little loose.  

Relieved, he dropped the bloodied rock and began prying at the nail with his fingers, jiggling it and yanking at it, and intermittently striking the side of the metal plate.  

Loki came around to the side of Thor to see what he was doing, and saw the nail starting to come loose.  “You think to get them both out before they return?”

“Or have you pick the lock with the nail in the meantime.”  Thor muttered.

“It would need to be thin and long.”

”It will be.”

Loki’s brow furrowed at Thor’s confidence in the dimensions of the nail.  “How could you possibly know that?”

“Not the time.”  Thor muttered as he wiped his slick hand again and fixed the rock under the nail as he tried to push it as leverage.  Finally the nail came loose enough that as Thor grabbed it, wiggled it, and yanked it, the nail came free and as promised was indeed long and slender.  He held it up with a triumphant look and offered it to Loki, who seemed a little flabbergasted.  

The look passed quickly though as Loki snatched the nail with a frown and tilted it towards the keyhole.  

“I think chopped is best.”  

”No mashed!”  

Two voices were audibly approaching and Loki blanched while Thor tensed.  He began to pick at the keyhole more quickly and the nail slipped from his hand.  Thor quickly grabbed it back up and passed it back to Loki.  

“Hide yourself.”  Loki hissed.  “They cannot know what we’ve been doing.”  he quickly went back to where he’d been sitting when Thor found him, and kept his hands down and tilted as he tried to pick the lock in such a way that it wouldn’t be readily visible.

Thor did as instructed and ducked behind a rock as he listened to the giants.  

“Fine, we cut him in half, and I’ll have him chopped, and you can mash your half.”  

“Fine, but I want the head!”

“The head is the best part!”

“Then you can have a little more half, how about that?”

Thor listened to the conversation with a growing panic.  He would know if Loki’s hands were free because he’d surely use his magic then, but it hadn’t happened yet, and if they grabbed him before he could finish or Loki had dropped the nail again…no, Thor had to do something now.  

Loki fiddled with the nail and the keyhole, but his hands betrayed him by trembling a bit as he listened to the giants talk about the gruesome way they planned to make a meal of him.  His heart was racing wildly and he internally cursed as he fumbled with the nail before he brought it back to the keyhole.  But then he yelped as he found himself hauled up by a huge fist that gripped a handful of his shirt and found himself looking at a frost giant as the nail fell straight from his hands.  Loki was going to die, and then Thor was going to die, and everything he’d tried to accomplish would be for nothing.  They’d die alone with their fates uncertain.  Loki glanced behind him where he expected Thor would have hidden and saw no one.  Bitterly he realized Thor must have abandoned him, but it mattered little, since Thor would be dead as soon as Loki was dead since the warmth magic would leave him then.  Oh well, he expected nothing from his false brother anyway.

“Shame he’s so skinny…”

“Haven’t had an aesir in a long time though.”  the other giant chuckled as he brandished a large knife.  

Loki did his best to appear stoic as he glared at the giants.  “I hope you choke.”  he snarled.  

“The mouth on this one.”  one giant laughed.  

“I’ll eat you bones and all.”  said the other.

Thor had made his way to the opposite site of the camp, and he saw as the giants picked his brother up and seemed ready to eat him.  There was no time to think things through beyond the fact that he had to get them away from his brother, and hope Loki could pick the lock in time to return the favor.  Assuming he would ever bother.  

Thor straightened and adopted his most mocking, boisterous tone as he shouted.  “I heard a rumor the stupidest and weakest giants in all of Jotunheim lived at this camp…I did not know they were also the most ugly!”

The giants stiffened and turned, which caused Loki to be brought forward as well, and he gaped as he saw and heard Thor’s ridiculous taunting.  He truly, truly had gone mad, there was no other explanation for it…unless it could be passed off as Thor being that utterly foolish.  Did he truly not comprehend that he didn’t have his powers?  What was he thinking?  No, that was the problem, he wasn’t capable of rational thought, and the more the fool was Loki for thinking he might have done.

“It’s another one.”

“Bigger too.  Worse mouth.”  

“You go get him, I’ll stay here with this one.”  said the giant holding Loki.

Thor bellowed a laugh.  “Coward!”  

The giant straightened.  “What did you call me?”

“A coward!  You fear to face me so you would stay behind.  It is understandable.  I would not break a sweat facing twenty giants, let alone such puny ones as you two.”

Loki stared at Thor in disbelief, unable to quite catch up to this turn of events.

“I am going to peel your flesh from your bones!”  the giant holding Loki snarled as he dropped him.

Loki did his best to catch himself, and began immediately to look for the nail while the giants were distracted.  

“You will have to catch me first!”  Thor taunted, and as both giants now chased after him, he shot Loki a lifted brow look and then ran.

Loki had been looking between the keyhole and Thor and the giants, and he saw Thor’s look and realized it was all intentional.  The behavior wasn’t honest, Thor was goading the giants into leaving Loki alone.  He made a frustrated noise and redoubled his efforts to pick the lock.  Thor would have no strength and less speed, Loki wasn’t sure if Thor was even aware of that difference.  The fool.

-------------------

Thor quickly realized the difference in his speed and stamina as he raced away from the giants.  He would have barely had an increased heart rate at this point, but he was already starting to have labored breathing and he wasn’t moving at the speed he had hoped for.  The giants were rapidly gaining on him and he realized he’d have to do something more than run if he hoped to avoid them long enough for Loki to [hopefully] come help him.

There seemed to be a sort of long incline littered with various rocks, not quite a hill but close to it, and he headed that direction.  Thor’s intent was to try to run down it with the incline increasing his speed, but he lost his footing on a rock and ended up slamming into the ground as he rolled several feet before he caught himself on a rock.  He felt a sharp pain in his rib and a soreness in his arm, but he staggered back up and kept running.  Thor could hear the giants gaining on him and he slipped again though the second time he was able to land on his rear and slide down the rest of the way.  At the bottom he got up and proceeded to run again, only to intake a sharp breath in surprise as several rocks were hurled his way.   Now that just wasn’t fair.   Thor tried to zigzag to avoid the rocks, but it decreased his speed overall, and he soon found himself overtaken by the giants who ended up on either side of him.

Thor was breathing heavily, his hand still bleeding, a slight gash through his shirt near his ribs which were undoubtedly bruised, he’d hit his ankle somewhere along the fall and it was tender to stand on, he’d bit his lip too or else hit it on a rock because it was bleeding as well.  Shit.  

“Where is all that talk now?”  one of the giants spat as he loomed over Thor.  

Thor fought the urge to double over, it was more difficult to catch his breath than expected and he felt decidedly nauseous.  

“Weak for an aesir, isn’t he?  Look at him, can’t even speak after that little run.”

“Little run my ass.”  Thor muttered, and then had the wind knocked out of him as one of the giants slammed a foot into his stomach.  

He fell to the ground and curled in on himself, the level of pain was exceptional.  

One of the giants hefted him up by the scruff of his neck, and the way he was dangling caused the collar of his throat to clench around his shirt and he choked.  Thor tried to pull at his shirt to open his air way, and the giant jerked upwards to tug the shirt tighter.  

“No last words from the this little shit then?”  one giant sneered.

“I’ve…had worse….from better.”  Thor wheezed, a defiant look on his face despite it all, and his vision started to darken as pinpricks filled his sight.  All of the battles he’d fought, and this was how he was to die…at least it would be worth something if Loki made it out.

--------

“Enough!” came a booming voice as a staff slammed into the ground a bright light filled the area.

Thor found himself unceremoniously dropped, and he gasped in air and squinted as he tried to regain mental clarity and see through the blinding light as it dimmed.

There was his father, Odin, resplendent in in his armor and carrying Gungnir, the king’s staff.  Relief swam through Thor, his father had found them after all, they would soon be home.  He choked out a laugh as he forced himself up into a hunched sitting position and watched his father glare at the giants.

The giants were beside themselves with fear and turned tail to run.  Thor blinked and then laughed, before he winced as he clutched his side.  He may well have broken a rib, but it would be fixed soon, everything would be as it was.  

The giants were quickly out of sight and Thor looked to his father as he struggled to get to his feet.  “Father…” he swallowed hard and staggered.  “You are a sight for sore eyes.”  

“My son.”  Odin looked a mixture of angry and worried as he stepped closer and looked over Thor.  “What has been done to you?  Why are you in such a state?”

“My power is…gone again.  I do not know why…”

“Then we must get you home quickly…I am weary from the Odinsleep and it took great dark magic to come here without the Bifrost.  Come, my son.”  

Thor’s brow furrowed.  “No, we cannot…” he drew in a sharp breath.  “…leave yet.  Loki is here, Father, he lives.”

Odin’s posture tensed as he frowned before he slowly shook his head.  “It matters not, I have come here for you, my son.”

Thor stared at his father, confused.  “Did you not hear me?  Loki is alive, he is here.  He might yet be in danger, we must-”

“Loki has made his choice, and I have made mine.  Come, Thor, your king orders you.”  Odin held out a hand with an expression that brooked no argument.

Thor stared at his father in disbelief and then slowly shook his head.  “This is madness.  I am not leaving without my brother.”

Odin sighed.  “He did not tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“Loki is not your brother…he is a foundling.”

“...What?”

“I came upon him many years ago…he would have died had I not taken him in.  I raised him as my own, and he has betrayed us all.  I can no longer call him my son, and he has shown he is no brother to you.”

Thor took a step back, unable to believe what he was hearing.  “N-No…that…that cannot be.  It’s Loki.”  

“He has committed grave crimes against Asgard, against me, and against you.  It was he who brought the frost giants in to disturb the coronation…and I bet it was he who bade you come to Jotunheim, was it not?”

Thor hesitated and then set his mouth into a stubborn line as he lied.  “It was my own doing.  Loki tried to dissuade me and I ignored him.”

Odin stared at Thor for a long moment before he said.  “It matters not.  I will not take him back.  We are leaving now.”

“I am not leaving without my brother.”  Thor said as he straightened, and tried to look as firm as he could while clutching his side with pain.  He was dizzy and weary, but determined.  

“Have you learned nothing?”  Odin snarled.  “Must I banish you again?”

“If you must then do it to Jotunheim.  For I will not leave here without my brother.”  

”He is not your brother!”  Odin thundered.  

“Are you the cause of his madness?”  Thor demanded.  “Did you speak that nonsense to him also?”  

“The truth is nonsense, is it?”

“Loki has been my brother all my life, and he will be my brother till I die!  I do not care if you claim him as your son, I still claim him as my brother, and I will not accept him to be any less.  So if you will not take him with us, then you will leave without me.”

“You would disobey an order from your king, again?”

“Yes!  How can you say such things…Loki is your son, Mother would weep to hear what you say…how can you be so cruel, Father?”

“A king has his duties, as does a prince.  I will give you one last chance, Thor.  Come with me now, and I will forgive this treason.  But if you decline me again, I will leave you here to what fate befalls you.”

“So be it.  I will leave with Loki, or not at all.”  Thor said, his voice steely and determined as he stared at his father with all the confidence of a king himself.  

“You are a fool.”  Odin said.  

“An absolute fool.”  came a voice behind Thor, and he whipped around to see Loki approaching with a deep frown.  

“Brother-” he started before he turned back to Odin only to find him gone.  He grimaced before he turned to Loki.  “How much did you hear?”

Loki gave Thor an irritated, long-suffering look.  “It was my illusion, oaf.”

Thor stared at Loki a moment as his mind wrapped itself around what his brother was saying.  “All…all of it was your doing?”

“Obviously.”  Loki snapped.  “How would Odin be here so quickly, and right where you were?”

Thor’s mouth fell open and then closed, he took a step back as he realized the implications.  “Then…what he, what is said-”

“All true.  And now you know.  We were never brothers.”

Thor’s expression twisted with frustration.  “This changes nothing!  We were raised together, played together, fought together, does that mean nothing?”

Loki said nothing for a few seconds before he shook his head.  “A lie. A long standing one, but a lie nonetheless.”

“Loki.”  Thor took a step forward, and slid his hands into Loki’s.  “We have been brothers all our lives, we were as close as brothers could be-”

Loki snatched his hands away.  “Were.  And then what, Thor?  You made your choice, and I have made mine!’

”What choice?”  Thor demanded.

Loki cast him a withering glance.  “You abandoned our false brotherhood long before I did.  Do not act as though it were otherwise now.”

“Abandoned?”  Thor snapped as he took a step forward and then winced as a sharp pain shot through him.

Loki eyed him before he made an irritated sigh.  “I suppose you will need treatment.  And we do not need to be out in the open any longer.  Follow me.”  he said as he promptly turned and headed back in what Thor assumed was the direction of their original shelter.

Thor did his best to match pace with Loki, who seemed equally determined to keep just ahead of him.  

Chapter Text

The walk back to the shelter was spent mostly in silence, with occasional glances from Loki as if to verify Thor was still following behind.  When they entered, he motioned for Thor to sit by the fire and he obliged as he watched his brother carefully.  

His adopted brother, of all things.

Loki was Loki, and so in some way it made sense that he’d had such a dramatic reaction to finding out that he was adopted.  But the excessive, loathing level of it was what threw Thor off.  Did he really think it made a difference?  Did Loki really think it changed anything between them?  Thor had known Loki as his brother all of his life, he’d loved him dearly all of that time, the matter of blood was nothing.  

Loki crouched down in front of Thor as he inspected him, and Thor watched his brother’s expressions.  “Mortals are so fragile.”  he muttered as he grabbed Thor’s chin and tilted his head from side to side to inspect him.  Thor didn’t care for the contact, but he wasn’t about to argue and let Loki have his way for the moment.   Loki began checking the rest of his body and poked at his ribs on both sides and Thor let out a hiss of pain as Loki touched something very tender fairly roughly.   “Bruised, not broken.”  he muttered before he looked to Thor.  “Does anything lower seem injured?”

“My ankle.”  Thor pulled up the pant leg of the ankle that was sore, and it indeed looked red and swollen.  

Loki sighed.  “You just had to go and make a mess of yourself.”  

Thor frowned.  “Forgive me for not saving your life in a more efficient way, br-Loki.”

“Saving my life.”  Loki scoffed.  “You were the one who needed saving.”

“You would still be bound if not for me!”  

“You do not know that.”  

Thor thought of something then.  “Why were you not able to use your magic?”

Loki considered the question, and Thor had a sense he was debating if he wanted to answer, and then said.  “The manacles were…designed to prevent use of magic.  No idea why a couple of random frost giants had such things, but here we are.”

Loki conjured a small rag and dabbed it at the blood on Thor’s face.  “Hold still.”  he muttered.  And it felt almost like old times, with Loki and Thor tending each other, except that Thor knew this time Loki couldn’t even stand for Thor to call him ‘brother’.  

“How did you know about the nail?”  Loki asked.

Thor snorted at that.  “Do you remember when I went to Alfheim for that ‘study abroad’ season?”

Loki’s eyes flicked up for a moment as he seemed to try to recall.  “Sounds familiar.”  

“Well, I spent four nights with a pair of dwarves who’d taken residence there.  One a farmer and one a blacksmith.  The blacksmith had a fondness for nails in particular.  He spoke of nothing but for four days and would have kept talking had I stayed longer.  I had no idea there could be so much to a damned little piece of metal.  I have not yet been able to look a nail the same way since.”  Thor said with a huff.  

Loki cleared his throat as he moved onto Thor’s ankle and started wrapping another conjured cloth around it.  “How did he convince you to sit through four days of that?”

“It was either listen to him speak of nails or listen to his brother speak of cow shit.  I preferred the nails.”  Thor said with a snort.

Loki made the throat clearing noise again, but Thor realized with astonishment and a bit of hope that it seemed to be a disguised laugh.  Had he amused Loki a little?   That had to mean something positive, did it not?  But he knew if he pressed or drew attention to it Loki would just respond viciously.  

“How is your head?”  Thor asked instead and Loki seemed surprised by the question before his expression returned to being relatively blank.

“None of your concern.”

Thor sighed heavily.  “Should a ‘subject’ not be concerned for ‘their king’?”  he tried not to sound overly sarcastic though it was obvious that it was the intent.

A thin, mocking smile curved Loki’s lips.  “Finally learning your place, Thor?”

“My place has always been by your side, that is not a thing I need to learn.”  

Loki’s smile slipped as he sneered.  “Your place is behind me or beneath me, not beside me.”  

And there went whatever sliver of goodwill he thought he’d seen in his brother.  “Did you think I would not accept you if I learned you were adopted?”  he asked, thinking to trip Loki up with the seeming randomness of the question.

Loki did indeed seemed surprised for a split second before he masked it and glared.  “I did not give it a thought, because I do not care.  Your feelings are of no consequence to me.”

“Even so, it makes no difference to me, Loki.  You have always been my brother and will always be so, there is nothing that would make me turn from you.”  

He expected an instant, angry retort but Loki stared at him a couple of seconds before he scoffed.  “You are a fool, Odinson.  And we are no kin.”  Loki rose to frown down at Thor.  “I can do nothing about your rib.”

“Thank you for what you did do.”  Thor offered, although Loki didn’t seem satisfied.  

In either case, Loki headed for the mouth of the shelter.  “Those creatures took what I had collected, I will return shortly.”

Thor stood up quickly with a visible wince.  “You were just hurt, and now you would go back out?”

“Unless you would prefer starvation?”  

“I would prefer you not get hurt, let me come with you.  If nothing else I am clearly still viable bait.”

He would almost swear he saw the corner’s of Loki’s lips twitch with amusement, but Loki’s tone was dour.  “I know better what to expect this time.  Do not leave this shelter again.”  he ordered, and headed out before Thor could object.  

-----------------

Loki externally was composed and confident, but inside, he was in shambles.  His life was a lie, he was not an Odinson, not a true prince of Asgard, not Frigga’s son either.  He was a Frost Giant, a creature of Jotunheim, the very monster that the children of Asgard were taught to fear and revile.  He’d grown up listening to warriors speak of slaying them, his own [not] brother had, and Loki was one of them.

He felt it like a sickening, crawling feeling all over his body that he couldn’t shake.  Every minute now, he knew, beneath the glamour of an aesir was the red-eyed, blue-skinned Jotun form he was born to.  The visage of a monster, that’s what Loki really was.  He hated Odin for doing this to him, and for perpetuating the lie, and hated Frigga and Thor for being even an inadvertent part of it.  

But somehow Thor was the worst.  

Thor and Loki had been inseparable as children.  Loki had adored an idolized his older brother, and Thor had doted on and protected him in turn.  

--------

Young Loki wove a spell into the air that conjured a little orb of light to dance around the room.  Thor watched, rapt, and when the ball disappeared he clapped his hands together with a laugh.  “My little brother is a genius, look at what you can do already!”  

“This is simple magic, brother.”  Loki said, even as he couldn’t help but smile.

“Simple for my genius little brother.”  Thor said, making himself sound dramatically proud.

Loki giggled, and he smiled as Thor ruffled his hair affectionately before he pulled him into a one-armed hug.  “If you say so, brother.”

Thor gave him a conspiratorial wink and grinned.  “I know so, Loki.”

Loki slipped an arm around his brother in turn and hugged him back as he made small set of orbs to Thor’s delight.  He loved seeing his big brother proud and happy on his behalf.  Only Thor and their Mother ever seemed to pay much attention to him, and praise him.  Loki didn't have much by way of friends, but he didn't mind, as long as he had his big brother he had all the company he needed. 

------------

But then Thor grew, he grew into the ‘Golden Prince of Asgard’, drunk on tales of his own glory and magnificence.  The sycophants of the court sang his praises and he believed them.  He surrounded himself with those who called Loki’s magic ‘women’s work’, and mocked the ‘weaker’ little brother.  Thor was foolish and self-centered, unbelievably arrogant, capable of cruelty and vicious mocking for no other reason than that he could.

It would have been bad enough to learn he was adopted when he and Thor had still been close.  But to learn that the traitorous ‘brother’ he’d been shadowing his whole life, been told his whole life he would serve under as his king, was no relation at all…

Odin had raised a little frost giant servant for his trueborn son.  A loyal, powerful sorcerer to keep by his real son’s side.  Not fit for the throne, oh no, and not fit for Odin’s love and pride.  But good enough to serve at the feet of his wretched, obnoxious, golden son.  

Loki had seen an opportunity with Odin in the Odinsleep, and Thor banished.  An opportunity to take for himself what was an illusion.  He could take the throne he was meant to be denied, he could erase the false brother who’d spent the past years making him miserable, he could erase Jotunheim and all the monsters in it…Loki would be the savior of Asgard, he would be beloved, he would be the shining son, it would be magnificent…

But Thor had ruined it all.  

Thor had lived and destroyed the Bifrost and caused Loki to fall into the void with nothing.  And the horrible fool had even followed him down, just to spit more lies about their false brotherhood and whine at him over nonsense.  But the Norns had given him one bit of mercy.   Somehow, Thor was powerless and mortal again, and that suited Loki just fine.  He had thought at first he would torture Thor in whatever ways came to mind, or just kill him outright, but then he’d realized there might be a much better use for the ‘real’ prince of Asgard.  Loki was a son of Laufey, and runt or not, he had a claim to the throne of Jotunheim.  What would be a better campaign pitch than to say he had captured the son of Odin and ransom him to get the Casket of Ancient Winters?  

Loki had expected Thor’s rage and defiance, his usual arrogance and pride, and was taken aback by his demeanor.  He supposed it came down to survival instincts, even Thor knew better than to bite the hand that feeds in this case.  Thor had surprised him with his strange bit of knowledge at the camp, and his dramatic baiting of the giants.  He had spoken a lot of whining, familial words that Loki had largely ignored.  Clearly Thor was just trying to manipulate Loki, now that Loki had the upper hand.  

Loki had summoned an illusion of Odin to ‘rescue’ Thor partially because he was sure it would scare the frost giants the most.  But also because he wanted to mess with Thor, he wanted to make him believe that Odin had come and watch Thor fall apart with his eagerness to go home.  He wanted to have proof of Thor’s lying about his brotherly sentiments, via Thor agreeing to leave Loki behind.  What he hadn’t expected was Thor’s vehement declarations against Odin that he wasn’t leaving without Loki, and that Loki was his brother even despite his heritage.  Loki didn’t know what to make of that.  He would have thought Thor knew it was an illusion, but no, his reaction had been genuine and Thor lacked the acting skills and guile to play false to Loki in that regard.  Plus, Thor had been quite injured, and he still insisted on staying.  Loki didn’t really understand it, couldn’t quite figure out Thor’s self-serving motivations although surely they must be there.

Thor’s comments about the nails had amused him despite himself.  Some treacherous, tiny sliver of Loki fell instep with Thor and back onto habits of familiarity and camaraderie.  The idea of his oafish not-brother spending four days listening to some dwarf sing the praises of nails was laughable.  Thor’s demeanor in retelling was comfortably familiar, unlike everything else in Jotunheim.

But it was all false, it was all Loki’s wretched, ingrained instincts via Odin who taught Loki to exist at Thor’s side.  Thor didn’t care about Loki, and Loki certainly didn’t care about Thor, it was just…foolish habit.

---------

Loki returned a little past an hour with a couple of small creatures that he had cooked up in short order and split with Thor.  He noticed Thor seemed subdued, and also in pain, though he kept quiet about it and seemed to make an effort not to show how hurt he seemed to be.  

Thor took a bite of the creature and scrunched his nose.  “Tastes like lizard.”  he said decidedly.  

“When have you ever eaten a lizard?”  he heard himself ask automatically, sure that Thor was making that up.  When would a prince of Asgard, the prince of Asgard, have eaten a lizard?

“That time Sif and I got stuck in the forests at Vanaheim…we ran out of supplies and the only creatures we saw were lizards…her face when I first suggested we eat them would have made me laugh if it did not make me think she meant to murder me in short order.”  he shook his head.  “Lady Sif was not a fan.”

Loki’s lips were tempted to smile again and a feeling of revulsion overcame him.  He was too well-trained, too instinctively tuned to following his brother’s mood and patterns.  Loki was the king here, Thor was the mortal, Thor was lucky Loki was even allowing him to live…he wasn’t funny, he was vile.  Loki needed to ensure Thor understood that, and he went for a cruel statement.  “It is likely you will never see Sif again.  You will probably die out here soon.  Weak as you are.”  

Thor frowned as he looked at Loki over the fire.  “Are you just being spiteful for the sake of it?”

“I am only being honest.”  Loki replied coolly, and Thor sighed as he took another bite.  

“I wish you would talk to me properly instead of saying all of this…whatever wrongs I have done you, I would-”

“-Enough with that!  There is nothing you can do!  No excuses for what you have done.  You have made your bed, Odinson, and now you can lie in it.”

“If you cannot even speak of them, how can they be more than imagined slights?”

“Imagined slights?”  Loki hissed.  “I advise you to stop talking, Thor, you have worn my patience to the bone.”  

Thor was tempted to argue, but again, he found himself having to realize he was in no position to do so.   He finished his food in silence as Loki did the same and he wondered not for the first time if his brother truly had gone mad.  

Chapter Text

Thor took the silence as an opportunity to let his mind drift back to their respective childhoods, to think if there was a time that Loki’s adopted status had been hinted at.  But as he recalled, Odin and Frigga had treated them the same, there had been no difference in love or care.  And Thor was certain that he’d always loved his brother from the first he’d ever met him.  The infant Loki had been placed in Thor’s arms and he’d decided then and there that they were brothers, and that he would protect and care for Loki.  They’d been less close in the past decades, sure, but that wasn’t entirely Thor’s fault.  Loki could still be witty and charming at times, but others he seemed moody and withdrawn, and Thor felt Loki disdained his company.   And Loki never lacked for words, so if he had complaints, he wasn’t sure why Loki hadn’t [and did not now] speak of them.

He glanced at his brother over the fire and Loki glanced back with a frown.  “What?”

“Whatever ills I have done you, I would see them made right if you would give me the chance.  You treat me with venom but I do not know why.”

“I already told you, it is done, and there is nothing you can do about it.”

“Nothing?  Truly?”  Thor asked as he looked at his brother in the eyes.  “I would do much to make things right between us, br-Loki.”

Loki eyed him for a second before he scoffed and rose.  “There is nothing to right, we have never been right to begin with, Thor.  We need to keep moving, it is not wise to stay in one place too long.”

Thor’s attempts to keep engaging him with plying words and soft questions put him ill at ease.  He had expected this journey to be filled with Thor still being too foolish to realize his position.  Loki had expected more opportunities to be physically forceful and mocking to Thor, to demean and move Thor about as he felt Thor had always done to him.  Technically, he still could, but to randomly act with violence or just spout random mockeries felt hollow.  Loki wanted there to be an obvious point, he wanted to teach Thor how it was.  He wasn’t looking to kick him about when he was stupidly weak just for the sake of it.  

Although if he kept angering Loki with his nonsense like ‘imagined slights’, he might let loose some of his stress on his oafish brother-not brother- and it would be no less than deserved.  How many times had Thor been violent around or towards him?  Broken furniture, and hit walls, and grabbed or shoved or pinned Loki?  The thought of it made his blood boil as he watched perfect, golden Thor Odinson mill about all subdued, pretending that he cared about anything that he’d done to Loki.  Thor, who had everything handed to him, who was a true son of Odin and Frigga, who thought he could put himself above Loki even now by pretending to be benevolent and accepting his ‘adopted brother’.  Loki would never give him that satisfaction.

Thor stepped to the mouth of their shelter as he glanced out and up at the sky.   Their father and Heimdall must surely be looking for them, why had they not been found?  The magic to come would be great indeed without the Bifrost, but it wasn’t impossible by any means.  He thought about the Odin that Loki had conjured, the illusion with all of it’s cruel words.  As Loki joined him, he frowned as he looked to Loki.  “The illusion of Father.”  he started and he saw Loki sneer a bit.  “Did he say any of those things to you?”

“What concern is that of yours?”  Loki spat as he stalked past Thor, and he seemed inexplicably in a worse mood and Thor took off after him and walked mostly at Loki’s side.  

“If he said such things to you, I would be sorry for it-”

Loki whirled around as he glared at Thor and grabbed him by the neck as he tugged Thor’s face closer to his own.  He’d already been irritated by his own thoughts, and here was Thor, further poking and prodding.  “It is not for you to feel sorry about anything to do with me.  Worry about yourself, because I will not.”  he hissed before he shoved Thor roughly back and turned to walk again.  

Thor rubbed at his throat where Loki had dug his long fingers in and he followed his brother a little behind the next time.  Loki had a fierce temper when he chose to show it, true, but his brother had never had a physical anger.  He got back in other ways, magical pranks, or mischief, or even decidedly cruel plots but never physical things.  Just what had taken hold of his brother to make him behave so?  

Thor had other questions, things like if Jotunheim had ever actually called for his banishment to continue.  He wondered why Loki bothered to come tell him that Odin was ‘dead’ and Thor was to remain banished and never been seen again, only to then send the Destroyer after him.  Thor wondered why Loki had randomly decided to annihilate Jotunheim with the Bifrost, which was such a strange thing on it’s own both in general and for his brother.  Loki had never liked for war or battle, and while Loki despised frost giants also, it wasn’t like Loki had ever been particularly blood thirsty towards them.

“Make yourself useful.”  Loki said at one point.  “Keep an eye out for anything that might be edible, and any manner of plant or creature.  We will need to find a water source also, there should be underground water sources even here.  There will be hints of it on the surface.”

“Okay.”  Thor agreed, what else could he say?

He wasn’t sure how long they walked, the landscape never seemed to alter much and there was no changing of morning to night in the sky.  Thor was tired, his rib was painfully sore, his ankle as well, and there was a throbbing in his head that he might have once asked Loki to tend to but not now.  He felt lethargic and slow, as he never had before, and the cold bit just outside of his flesh despite Loki’s warmth magic.  Thor could only imagine how much worse it would be without it.  Jotunheim was difficult for any creature not of Jotunheim to survive in, even Asgardians, and certainly for ‘mortals’ it was a death sentence.  What had happened in the void to lose him his powers?  Thor struggled to recall, he flexed his hand and tried to feel any trace of his power in it.  

“Stop.”  Loki muttered suddenly as he held a hand slightly out and Thor almost ran into it.  There were several figures up ahead and Loki moved cautiously towards a few large chunks of ice to hide behind.  The figures grew closer as Loki and Thor hid, and tried to understand what was approaching, and as they grew closer Thor heard something familiar.

“Oh!  They are not foes, br-Loki.”  

“What?”  Loki snapped.

“They might know where to find what you seek, I will ask.”  

“Thor-”  Loki started to hiss but he was already gone, walking off towards the figures while Loki cursed and then followed after him.  Thor was still brash and foolish, and going to get them killed.  Never mind that it was Loki who had been caught first and Thor who had saved him.  As he grew closer, he saw that the beings were three tree-like creatures of varying sizes that tensed as Thor walked right up to them.  Loki prepared to use magic, and thought of how he was going to lay into Thor after for his foolish and reckless behavior.  But then Thor did something that threw him completely off.

“I am Groot!”  Thor called out, and Loki stared at the back of his head incredulously.  His surprise only increased when the trees began to excitedly say the same nonsense words.

“I am Grooooot!”  

“I AM Groooot.”

Thor chuckled and nodded, and Loki stared at his brother, genuinely bewildered by the turn of events.  

“I am Grooot…Groot!”  one of the trees said.

Thor said.  “Ohhh, I understand.  Ah, I am…Groooot.  Groooooot.”

The trees glanced at each other and then pointed off to the side and began more chattering with the nonsense words.  

Loki finally stepped up next to Thor who glanced at him, Thor’s expression was the most…’cheerful’ Loki had seen it since he’d come back from Midgard.  The trees began more animated ‘conversation’ at Loki’s presence.  Thor spoke more nonsense and pointed to Loki and the trees seemed to smile and give what he took to be a greeting.  “Thor.  What is happening?”  he hissed.

Thor blinked.  “They are flora colossi, Groot, and they speak Groot.  It was an elective.”

“An elective.  On Asgard?”

“Mmhm.”  Thor said as the trees spoke again and Thor nodded at whatever they were saying.  

And then one of the trees slumped and another tree patted it’s back comfortingly, and to Loki’s surprise and confusion, the trees all seemed to be crying a bit.  

Thor made a sympathetic noise as he stepped forward, and Loki watched as the trees formed a circle with Thor and basically had what seemed to be a group hug.  The nonsense language continued more solemnly, and Thor gave a few back pats as he spoke in a sympathetic tone.  “I…am Groot..”  Thor said solemnly, and one of the trees made a sobbing sound.   Thor took that tree’s hands and squeezed them, and another leaned it’s head against Thor with a weeping noise.  Loki was at a complete loss.  When it finished, the trees pulled off their respective packs and satchels, and Thor seemed to be waving his hands as if to decline something with a ‘no thank you’ gesture and head shake.

But the trees chattered at him and produced several items, including a water flask, a bag of what seemed to be nuts, a thick cloak, and small sprig of wood.  The tree who gave Thor the wood seemed most concerned about it, and said something in what seemed to be a serious tone.  Thor nodded solemnly and clapped the tree on the shoulder.  The trees made a strange, unified noise and each sort of circled again with Thor joining before the trees offered respectful head nods to Loki, more nonsense language, and then headed off.

Loki watched them leave, astonished, and then looked to Thor who was staring at his little wood piece before he pocketed it and stepped towards Loki.  “They gave us water, nuts, and a cloak.  Do you want anything now?”  Thor asked, as if everything that had happened was perfectly normal.

Loki stared.  “Explain what just happened.”

Thor tilted his head.  “I spoke with them, they were good…uh, ‘people’.”  

Loki fought the urge to snap as he said dryly.  “What did you speak of?”

“They are here….” he made a face like he wasn’t sure the word to use.  “They are ‘backpacking’, they explore the different Realms for pleasure.  They said that up that way,”  Thor pointed, “There is a pool of water and a type of edible berry that is not poisonous.  They have seen few creatures, but they have seen frost giants and advised we be careful.”  

Loki took that in before asking.  “And why were they…crying?"

Thor’s expression became troubled at that and then he shrugged.  “It does not matter.”

Loki frowned as he stepped closer and looked coldly at Thor.  “If I ask a question, I expect an answer, Thor.”

“And I have given one, Loki."

“I will not ask again.”  Loki said coldly, his tone a warning.  “What were they crying about?”  he didn’t particularly care in general, but the principle of the matter was that Thor needed to understand it wasn’t for him to decide what information to give Loki.  

Thor frowned and then sighed.  “Two of their companions were lost when you turned the Bifrost on Jotunheim.  They did not understand what happened, but they grieved the loss of their own.”

Loki stilled at that, and if he felt any flicker of guilt, he would not let himself consider it.  Instead, he decided he saw judgment in Thor’s eyes.  And in fact, he decided he didn’t believe any of Thor’s nonsense.   Speaking to trees, as if Thor had ever paid attention in a class.  No, even if that bit was true, he was surely making up the part about Loki ‘killing’ some of them to try to scold or criticize Loki.  There probably wasn’t even a water source or berries.  Thor was still being high and mighty and self-righteous, even now, he was looking down on Loki and thinking himself better.  He dared to judge Loki for trying to exterminate the frost giant monsters, when Thor himself had always said he would do the same.  When Thor himself had nearly started a war being a fool [never mind that Loki’s scheming led them there].  

Loki felt his rage rise as he looked at Thor who was supposed to be miserable and chastened and had the audacity to cheerfully speak to trees and lie about nonsense.  He shoved at Thor with such force, Thor fell backwards and dropped the gifts of the trees as he made a pained noise.  Ah yes, his rib hurt, did it not?  Loki shoved his foot into roughly the spot where Thor’s rib seemed most injured and Thor’s face paled as he gasped with pain.  “L-Loki-” he gritted out.  “Why-”

Loki grabbed a fistful of Thor’s hair and sneered down at him.  “Did you think if you made up the tale of the trees, I might feel sorry?  Is that it?  Or are you such a fool that you couldn’t resist trying to reprimand me?  You think you are so much better?  You wanted to kill all the frost giants as little more than a wretched brute with a hammer.  You are envious that I thought of a clever way, a true way to end the war and the monsters once and for all!”  he backhanded Thor hard and saw a splatter of blood on the ice from Thor’s nose as his brother lay on the ground a moment.  

He expected Thor to get up right away and frowned when Thor lay with his eyes closed.  “Thor.  Thor?”  he bent and grabbed Thor by the chin as he shook his head a bit, and Thor blinked blearily up at him.

How weak were mortals that they couldn’t even handle that little bit of punishment?  How did those creatures of Midgard even survive?

“Get up.”  Loki snarled, annoyed, and he yanked Thor up by the shirt.  Thor stumbled and Loki picked up the trees' items, he shoved them back at Thor.  “Wear the cloak, drink some of the water.  Eat the nuts if you wish.  If you collapse, I will leave you.”  he advised and then started walking.

Thor was dizzy from the hit, his rib was aching terribly, he was tired and hurt and so very done with this strange, wrathful Loki who seemed to loathe him.  He wearily slipped the cloak around himself and wiped the blood from his nose as he sipped water and followed after Loki, he pocketed the nuts.  

Before long, they came to a sort of clearing where there was indeed a small pool of water, half-frozen over surrounded by berries of a pale blue.  Loki frowned upon seeing them as he realized that Thor had at least been right about that.   He thought again of the trees weeping and sad tones, their gestures that seemed so much like people comforting each other…perhaps Thor hadn’t made that part up… Loki glanced at Thor and noticed his bro-Thor- looked pale, with a streak of dried blood he hadn’t seemed to have noticed, and a visible wince intermittently when he stepped.  Perhaps Loki had been a bit hasty to hit his rib, mortals were so fragile about those things.  He couldn’t use Thor as a bargaining chip to the Jotunheim court if he was dead or completely incapacitated.  

Thor didn’t say a word as they approached the water source.  Loki took a small cloth from his pocket and dipped it in the water before he tossed it at Thor, whose reflexes were clearly not what they should be as it fell and his brow furrowed as he picked it up.  

“Wipe your face, you are bleeding.”  he said, as though it were an inconvenience to him.

Wordlessly Thor obliged and wiped the cloth over his face before he seemed about to hand it back to Loki who sneered.

“I have no use for your dirtied rag.”

Thor sighed and pocketed it, since it seemed ill advised to toss anything that might have any use in the wastelands of Jotunheim.  

Loki experimentally poked and squeezed at a couple of berries, then sniffed one before he illuminated it with a bit of magic in a way that told him it was not poisoned.  “The berries are safe to eat.”  he advised.  

Thor nodded, and Loki frowned but decided to let it lie as he took a handful and ate them just to get the nutrients in him.  He drank from the water and found it fresh, though he noticed Thor hadn’t moved from his spot.  “You should eat from the berries, it might be the only fruit we have for some time.  Or food, if we cannot find more to hunt.”  

“Alright.”  he said quietly as he obliged and ate a couple of handfuls of berries before he also drank from the water, and all the while Loki watched him with a frown.  

He should be pleased that Thor seemed subdued, that he seemed to be understanding his position a bit better.  But seeing Thor so mute and blank-faced made him distinctly…uncomfortable.  And he didn’t miss the winces, the way he adjusted like his rib was paining him.  “We will find somewhere to rest again.”  he announced and Thor nodded, and Loki fought a wave of irritation.  He didn’t know what Thor was thinking, which wasn’t exactly pleasant either, but he wasn’t about to ask.  The pair started walking again and Loki reflected on the events that had happened so far.  

He was lost in thought for several minutes at least before he realized he didn’t hear Thor’s lumbering footsteps, and glanced back to find with shock that Thor wasn’t there.  “Thor?  Thor!”  Loki saw no sign of him and his mouth went dry as he realized how bad that could be.  Thor had either left, which could end up being a death sentence if he strayed too far, or something had snatched him without Loki realizing which seemed less likely, or he’d collapsed and Loki hadn’t noticed.  He shouldn’t have kicked his ribs, damnit.   Loki started back the way he’d come and engaged a spell to track Thor, but without anything of Thor’s or blood between them, it wasn’t as reliable and the little green ball of magic hovered erratically and took him in a general direction that he wasn’t entirely sure was correct.

Thor had been pleased to see the trees and have a genial conversation, pleased at their gifts, and he was sorrowful at their loss.  A loss that his brother had caused with his madness.  Thor comforted the trees and joined in their mourning, and they rewarded him with kindness and gifts, including a sprig of one of their fallen comrades that they said would bring him good luck and fortune.  He wasn’t sure about all of that, but he accepted it respectfully all the same.  

Loki had seemed so taken aback by it all that he’d nearly laughed, but Loki had quickly proven to be still not ‘Loki’ and responded violently to what he seemed to perceive as a lie on Thor’s part.  He’d more or less attacked Thor, and re-injured his rib as well as caused his nose to bleed.  He was so dizzy and tired, and pained, but Thor knew he had to keep going.  They reached the area the trees spoke of and Loki gave him a rag condescendingly, then instructed him to eat and he did so, not worth the argument to say that he wasn’t hungry.  Besides which, it wasn’t a bad thing to have the berries in him, as Loki noted.  Loki mentioned shelter and Thor didn’t dare suppose it was on his behalf although he was surprised that Loki would stop ‘so soon’.  

Thor stumbled along after his brother and felt more sluggish and muggy-headed with each step.  And then he heard a faint sound that seemed to grow louder and louder.  There was some kind of…singing?  He thought heard a woman singing, and the sound was so lulling, so calming…something about it seemed to soothe his pain a bit and drew him in.  Thor felt suddenly that he needed to find the source of the song, he felt that it was imperative, that it would be helpful for him to do so, that the woman singing needed him to find her.  All other thoughts fled his mind as he changed course and headed towards the direction of the singing, a faint glow in his blue eyes the longer he listened that no one was present to see.

Chapter Text

Thor heard the woman calling to him and his certainty that she needed his help grew.  He walked by instinct, his thoughts were scattered and fleeting as he moved through the wastelands of Jotunheim towards the song.   Thor reached a cave entrance partially obscured by rocks and didn’t hesitate to enter.  The cave was faintly illuminated by a kind of glowing moss, and he might have wondered how such a thing grew in Jotunheim if not for present circumstances.  He headed deeper inside and the singing grew louder to his ears while the faint glow of his eyes brightened.  Thor was certain she was near, and that she so needed his help.  

He took another step and was met with air as he partially fell, partially skid into an open tunnel that went sideways deeper into the cave.  Thor scarcely noticed the pain as he skid over rocks and debris down into the darkness, and when he hit the bottom he stumbled forward and caught himself on the cave wall.  The glowing moss was present again and he paused as he listened for the singing and thought he caught the faint sound of it to his right.  He followed it into a large, open area and then to a smaller side tunnel that led to a smaller room.  Thor couldn’t hear the singing any longer and he strained to listen, strained to find his pathway to the woman who clearly needed him.

“Hello, Thor.”  came a familiar, mocking voice and a glint of metal in the moss light.  “Well met.”

--------------

Loki had been following the erratic green orb of magic as it tried to track Thor lacking proper guidance.  He was certain that he was going relatively the right direction, and it wasn’t a direction they’d traveled.  So Thor hadn’t collapsed, which left either that he’d foolishly walked off, or he’d been taken.  If the latter, he hopefully wasn’t dead and too destroyed yet, it would be rather hard to bargain him off then.  If the former…he was going to impress upon Thor that wasting Loki’s time wasn’t an option anymore for him.  

The orb suddenly went haywire and dive-bombed towards the ground where it disappeared in a puff of light and Loki frowned.  Thor had moved quickly all of the sudden and ‘confused’ the orb, but furthermore, it had gone towards the ground…was Thor beneath him?  Had he gone underground somehow?  Loki gritted his teeth and begrudgingly continued the path ahead as the orb had seemed to be traveling, and before long he found the mouth of a cave.  He supposed it made sense either way that a wandering Thor would seek the cave, or a creature who’d taken him would drag Thor there.  Loki armed himself with his daggers and cast a ball of illuminating light as he headed inside.  “Thor?”  he asked out loud, and heard no answer.  

The further he walked, the more ominous a feeling began to creep up inside of him.  Loki’s instincts were good, he had honed them after a lifetime of caution and observation, his drive to survive was second to none as far as he was concerned.  “Thor?”  he tried again, slightly louder.  Loki took a step and was met with air, and paused as he looked down and released that somewhat obscured by the darkness was an opening in the ground.  There seemed to be a downwards slant deeper into the cave, and he saw a faint impression of scuffing where it seemed that feet had recently hit near the top.   Loki peered down with a frown before he gave in and made a slower, more careful descent into the darkness.

When he eventually reached the bottom and found a path illuminated again by moss, he followed it to a large, open room with several ‘doorways’ on all sides.  He glanced around and noted bones in the corners, and scraps of fabrics and discarded items.  The ominous feeling grew in him as his mind tried to circle back to what he knew of creatures of Jotunheim, of habits of the Jotnar, of what might seek to inhabit such a dingy, deep cave.

“Far from home, are you not, brother?”  came a voice behind him, and Loki whipped around irritably at the oaf’s words.  

“I told you-”  Loki started to snap before he trailed off with a frown and slightly wide eyes.  Thor stood before him in his coronation regalia, including his feathered helm, and he spun Mjolnir lazily at his side.  He had a king’s cloak and mantle, but colored in gold, and unlike the pure white or red that might have been expected of him.  Thor was unharmed, unlike how Loki had left him, and Thor had a vaguely smirking, slightly mocking expression.  He began to toss Mjolnir up and down and catch it, the tosses higher and higher each time.  Thor looked every bit the Thunderer, the Golden Prince of Asgard, confident and strong as he stood a king in a dank cave.  

“Your…powers have returned?”  Loki heard himself as he took an unconscious step back.  But there was something wrong with the scene, how had Thor come to be dressed that way, how had he regained his powers and Mjolnir so suddenly?   Was it all a trick, was he dreaming, was he dead?  No, this wasn’t possible and yet…

Loki’s eyes glowed a faint green, he heard no song, but he was affected all the same as he stared at the Golden Prince of Asgard before him.

“They never left me.”  Thor said with a chuckle.  “I sought to test you, to see what you would do while I seemed helpless.  You did not disappoint.  You have proven what you are to the core.”

“And what is that?”  Loki asked, an acidic feeling creeping through him as he gripped his daggers somewhat behind his thighs and took a few casual steps sideways.  He feigned confidence, but he was shaken, as always when stood before the Mighty Thor.  

Thor smiled, and there was no warmth in it, the facsimile of the thing as he tilted his head and threw Mjolnir higher and caught her with a vicious yank.  “A monster.”

The acidic feeling turned to ice as for a moment, Loki wondered if Thor knew the truth, knew that Loki was Jotun.  And here he was, responding as Loki knew he surely would, but then he continued.

“A coward, who shows his true colors when he thinks himself strong.  Your ‘brother’, weak and mortal before you, pleading for your love and brotherhood, and you stomp his ribs and mock his words.”

“We are not brothers.”  Loki said coldly.

Thor’s smile widened, and his next words stopped Loki in his tracks.  “No, we are not.”

It was what Loki had wanted him to admit, was it not?  He wanted the false brotherhood exposed, he wanted Thor’s cruel nature out in the open, he wanted the farce of it all to end.  Thor finally admitted the truth, just as Loki wanted, as he had tried to goad him to…and yet…  Why did Loki feel so hollowed out by the words, what hope did he carry that he felt it be crushed at Thor’s words?  “You finally admit it.”  he heard himself say, his voice almost a whisper.  

“Is the truth an admission?”  Thor asked as he began to circle the room and Loki circled counter to keep away as they eyed each other and he continued to toss Mjolnir.  “But it makes sense, does it not?  It explains so much of you.  Why you never belonged, why you are so unlike all others.  Built as a child, weak with women’s workings, hairless, pale, thin, bloodless.”  Thor’s last word called Loki a coward, one who feared to battle, one who had no warrior spirit in him.

Loki felt his rage rise as he sneered.  “If I am so weak, how came you to be here?  With mere whispers I had you banished, stripped of yours powers and titles.  I took the throne, I would have destroyed Jotunheim as you never could!  You arrogant, witless fool.”

“Mere whispers.”  Thor chuckled.  “That is all your power amounts to, is it not?  Be it your magic, your words, your blades.  Whispers.  Delicate, soft things which only sting and never bite.  For you have not the strength to do more than that.”

“You have no idea what I am capable of, Thor.”

“You forget yourself, little Loki.”  he said.  “I have known you from when you were but a babe.  A sniveling whelp at my Mother’s breast.  I have seen your life played out from the beginning, as I will see it play at the end.”  Thor grinned then as caught Mjolnir and gripped her hilt instead of tossing her again.

Loki didn’t miss the emphasis on ‘my’, and his expression filled with open disgust and hatred.  “And I have seen you grow, so what of it?  I have seen you grow from spoiled, entitled brat, to the wretched fool I see before me.  Unworthy of all gifts he ever had, utterly useless, and unfit for all of your titles.”

“That is right, my titles.  The true and only Prince of Asgard, the true and only heir to the throne.  The one and only Odinson.”

Loki glared and clenched his fists around his daggers as he saw Thor laugh.  “You live only because I have allowed it, that can change, Thor.”

“Oh, ‘brother’, but you are trembling.  Will you not make an admission, as I have?  Will Liesmith not speak a truth for once in his miserable life?  You fear me above all others, and you fear your place in relation to me.  My shadow.  A dog at my heels.  A pet sorcerer, given to me by my father.”  Thor began to slowly walk closer and Loki tensed as he tried to step away without it appearing as a retreat.  “A Jotun bastard, the nightmare parents tell their children about.”

Loki’s eyes widened as he felt the force of the words like a physical blow.  Thor knew.  And then fear did grip him, as it hadn’t before, as he remembered the way Thor spoke of killing Jotun.  As he thought of the way his brother-no, Thor- brutalized with his hammer like the great hulking menace he was.  Thor knew, and they were together in this cave, and now…  “Since when have you known?”

“As long as you have, monster.”  Thor replied, and Loki felt a strange pain in his chest at the word.  

He knew, hadn’t he?  Loki knew that Thor would never accept his heritage, he knew that brutal, brainless Thor would turn on their ‘brotherhood’ the minute he knew but still…Loki’s heart was treacherous, Loki’s traitor heart still must have harbored some sliver of hope that it would be otherwise.  That Thor would give his oafish grin, and one of his wretched crushing hugs, and tell Loki that it did not matter and that they were brothers still.  

But he knew better, of course he had.  That Thor was a lie, as all of it was, as their supposed brotherhood was.  Loki was alone, and he could only rely on himself.

“You would call me a monster, but you are no better.  A violent, thoughtless, cruel little boy with a hammer.”  Loki mocked.

“Better a boy than a monster.”  Thor replied easily before he chuckled.  “And better a hammer than a delicate trick.”  he said as he suddenly hurled Mjolnir and Loki gasped as it breezed past his arm by a mere inch and slammed into the cave wall before Thor retracted it back.

“Did I frighten you, ‘brother’?  It is only a hammer, is it not?”

Loki had to end this quickly, but hand-to-hand combat with Thor did not sound like a wise choice.  And there was little means of evasion in the cave.  What was his best chance?   Perhaps to teleport and quickly stab-

Mjolnir was hurled at him again and teleported on instinct and wound up behind Thor as he made to stab him.  He was shocked when Thor reached out and grabbed him by the throat as if he’d known exactly what Loki intended.  Thor lifted him off of the ground and Loki kicked his feet as he dangled and gripped at Thor’s fingers to try to pry them off.  Loki materialized a dagger and stabbed it into Thor’s hand, and Thor let him go with a hiss of pain.  

Loki scrambled back as he gasped for air and rubbed at his rapidly bruising throat.  

“Come, die like the beast you are, Jotun.  It is better than you deserve, to die at the hands of Asgard’s Golden Prince…but I will do the world a favor and oblige nonetheless.  It will be a far better place without the Trickster in it.”

Loki felt his rage and hatred boil over alongside of his fear.  He was going to kill this damned wretch if it was the last thing he did, they would die together if needs be.  “I was thinking the same of you, Thor.”  he snarled, and materialized a handful of illusions of himself that all wielded two daggers and faced Thor.  

They teleported around rapidly to disguise which was Loki, and Thor eyed them all with seeming amusement.  “More tricks?  Do you never learn?”

“How will it feel, I wonder, to be felled by my ‘tricks’?”  All the Loki duplicates asked in unison.  

“I will never know the answer.”  Thor said simply before he slammed Mjolnir down and rain a shower of lightning out towards them all, and Loki found himself knocked back into a wall with a rough clatter.

How had Thor summoned the lightning down there?   He hadn’t even seen him call for it, but surely it would not reach down into the cave.

The illusions and the real Loki rose and charged at Thor with daggers raised as they also made random teleportation movements, an effort to confuse Thor as the real Loki [along with the fakes] made to stab at the Golden Prince.  

But Loki found the wind knocked out of him as Mjolnir was slammed into his stomach and sent him skidding back.  Thor had known him for the real Loki again somehow, even though Thor never seemed able to even realize when he had an illusion up.

“So predictable.”  Thor said.  “Still.  I tire of this time wasted, for I have none more to spare on a creature like you.”

“I am a king!”  Loki snapped as he drew himself up, and he made a new plan as he slowly stepped closer to Thor.  “I am the true king of Asgard, the rightful king!”

“You are nothing.”  Thor said coldly.  “A filthy beast that should have been collared or had it’s head smashed from the beginning.”

A pit formed in Loki’s stomach at the words, at the proof that Thor was a liar, a deceiver, who would never accept or truly love Loki.  There was no brotherhood with Odin’s precious, trueborn son.  

Thor threw Mjolnir towards him again and Loki teleported behind Thor as he blasted him with a wave of energy and then made another attempt to stab him, but Mjolnir had already returned to Thor’s hand and he slammed it against Loki’s side.  Loki felt a sharp pain and then crashed into the wall next to them as he fell to the floor.  He clenched his fingers into the ground and forced himself to pull up, he had to get up-

Thor loomed over him with a cold expression.  “You are beneath me, you damned animal.”  Mjolnir was raised in his hand and Loki felt dizzy but rose to his feet even as Mjolnir was slammed into his chest and pushed him back into the wall.  

He was going to die by Thor’s hand after all, slaughtered like a beast on Jotunheim, despised, unloved, forgotten.   This was the end of Loki.

Thor pressed closer until only Mjolnir kept their bodies from touching completely as Thor’s other hand slid back around Loki’s throat and he began to squeeze.  “Die, monster.”  

Loki’s struggled to move, to breathe, desperate for one more opportunity to defend himself.

“Loki!”  Loki heard a voice-Thor’s voice?-and then an arm was around Thor’s neck while Thor cursed and pulled back slightly.  It was all the distraction he needed as Loki slammed his dagger into Thor’s chest, surprised when his arm seemed to go straight in, and then sliced at his throat.  Mjolnir fell to the ground as Thor gripped at his throat and staggered back as he fell, and Loki saw another Thor behind him.  A wide-eyed Thor, pale, bloodied, and looking worse than Loki had last seen him.  A blossom of blood was forming on his chest where he’d taken a good inch of Loki’s dagger.

Loki rubbed his throat as he looked from the Thor before him to the Thor on the ground with confusion, and the one on the ground was already fading along with Mjolnir as he looked back up.  “…Thor?”

Thor looked stunned, and he looked down at his chest where blood was forming with a pained expression.  “It was not real, brother.”  he muttered as he pressed at the wound on his chest with a wince.  

Thor’s cheek was cut, his lip split and bleeding, and a bruise about his eye made it appear he’d been punched.  He looked a far cry from the kingly form Loki had been fighting, he looked pale and disheveled, with a frightening weariness and instability that Loki was not used to seeing in Thor.  

Loki looked from him to where the figure on the ground had disappeared, and it finally clicked for him as the glow in his eyes faded completely.  Of course it was not real.  Thor had not magically been healed and wearing that mock-up of king’s regalia, he did not have his powers, he could not know that Loki was Jotun…it was…an illusion?  But stronger than that, he had seen and felt it, he bore wounds from it, it knew things about him, and Thor had grabbed it to before…

Loki had stabbed him in the chest.

“Show me the wound.”  Loki said suddenly, compartmentalizing the mess of vicious feelings that the encounter with the illusory Thor had brought out.  He fell back on logic as he tried to dissociate from what had just occurred and focus on survival and the situation.  Loki moved towards Thor and Thor stumbled slightly back with a wary expression, and Loki was taken aback.  Had Thor ever moved away from him before, had he ever seen Thor look at Loki with anything resembling fear?  How much had Thor seen and heard of his encounter?  Thor had just watched Loki murder an illusion of himself, and Loki had stabbed Thor, though he knew not how deeply.  Surely not too deeply, he had done it through the illusory Thor.

The situation was chaotic and concerning, and Loki was dizzy from pain and a situation that had brought about fear and emotional turmoil in him.  More dizzy than he’d realized, or perhaps more injured, because he hadn’t realized he’d started to fall sideways until he felt Thor’s arms on him.  Thor caught him, and Loki was against his bro-Thor’s-chest a moment as Thor held onto him.  “Brother-”  

Loki could have laughed in other circumstances.  Thor had just been injured by Loki, just seen Loki murder another version of himself, had just stepped away from him warily, not to mention everything prior to the cave.  But when Loki had started to fall, Thor’s instinct was to catch him and call him brother.  And in that worried, urgent tone, that Loki couldn’t even trick himself into believing that his guileless brother-not brother- could fake.  Thor was such a fool.

A hopeless fool, who had not truly said any of those terrible things about Loki, who had not tried to kill him, and who [that traitorous hope in his chest said anew] had not rejected him.  Yet.  

Thor had saved him.  

Loki pushed away all the same as he righted himself and frowned at Thor, and took the opportunity to inspect the wound on his chest.   It was an inch at best, a small wound, not worth a mention for an Asgardian but for a mortal…and in Thor’s condition…well, it wasn’t a fatal wound but it wasn’t helping matters.  “You will live.”  he said, his tone angry as he looked up at Thor and found Thor looking unnervingly exhausted and worn down.  Loki wasn’t used to seeing him in such a way, he wasn’t used to a Thor who wasn’t confident and strong.  He knew it was his wretched, ingrained instincts from years of forced, false brotherhood with Thor, but something in him was distressed to see his ‘big brother’ in such a way.  Somehow more frightened to be in a situation where the one he was supposed to ‘rely on’, was so visibly unreliable.  Loki’s rage only flared more at that, and at this new mess that Thor had dragged them into.  “Why did you come here?”  he snapped.   “You thought you could run, is that it?”  he demanded.  

Thor blinked blearily.  “A woman…she was singing.  She…needed me to find her, to help her.”

Loki frowned at that before his eyes widened.  Here they were in a strange cave in Jotunheim, where Loki had fought such a well-crafted ‘illusion’, and the ‘mortal’ Thor had been led to it by a woman singing for help.  The work of a creature, no doubt, one powerful and versed in some measure of magic…and they were surely in it’s lair.  “Shit.”  he hissed under his breath as he looked back to where they’d come.  The slanted tunnel was no exit, they would need to find another, but who knew how long the cave was?  Loki and Thor were injured without supplies, and there was at least one creature lurking about.  One that had led Thor to it…which, why was Thor alive?

“How did you know it was not real?  What happened when you came?”  Loki demanded, startled when Thor suddenly dropped to his knees.  “Thor.”  Loki couldn’t even curse himself for the hint of concern in his voice as Thor looked only paler.  He knelt down by Thor as he kept one arm locked around his upper arm and pressed one hand to the side of his face.  “Thor-”

“-I fought one too.”  Thor mumbled.  “Then I saw you, I thought I was too late…”  his hand came up to grip Loki’s arm.  “Are you alright?”  Thor’s blue eyes had been absently on the ground and they lifted to gaze unfocused at Loki.  Thor’s other hand shakily rose to clasp Loki’s neck in their gesture of affection, and Loki could see that Thor wasn’t truly present with the moment at hand.  He was out of it, and fast growing worse.  “I thought I’d lost you, brother.”  he mumbled.  

Loki stared at Thor, a strange, unpleasant feeling like a mix of guilt and remorse brushing against his insides.  “Would that not be a good thing?”  he whispered.  Thor was so out of it, if anything, his true feelings should be coming out.  He should be cursing Loki, he should have been relieved for Loki’s death, too foolish to consider that Loki was his lifeline out here.  Thor should have left with ‘Odin’, not challenged him in the face of another banishment on Loki’s behalf.  Why was he behaving like this?  Thor was a vicious, witless brute who treated Loki as a shadow.  He knew only violence, he wasn’t fit to be king, he wasn’t a worthy anything, he wasn’t even Loki’s blood brother, he was horrible.

“No!”  Thor said with a vehemence that startled Loki, and a desperation in his face as Thor’s weak grip on Loki’s neck tightened slightly.  “We will leave together, Loki.  I will not leave without you.”  

Was he mistaking the moment for one coming after his encounter with the illusion of Odin?  “I will kill you.  Do you not understand that?  We are not brothers, Thor-”

“-Stop saying that…stop…brother, please…I am sorry for all the pain I have ever caused you…I am sorry.”  Loki was shocked to see wetness in his brother’s eyes, Thor had tears for this?  “Please forgive me.  Do not say we are not brothers.  You are my little brother.  You have always been that.  You will be so always.”  Thor insisted in a tired voice.  “Loki, please…” his voice was pleading as his head slumped forward and their foreheads were pressed together a moment, and a flabbergasted Loki caught Thor’s other shoulder in his hand.  

And then Thor slumped completely and Loki pushed him back to see that Thor’s face had gone slack and his eyes had closed.  Shit.  “Thor…Thor!”  he set Thor on his back as he began to tap at his face and try to rouse him.  Loki could not let him ‘sleep’ or be unconscious, he was not sure of the extent of Thor’s internal injuries, but it could not be good.  

“What a scene I have witnessed.  What a strange pair.”  came a voice above Loki, and he stiffened as he looked up and saw only darkness that obscured the ceiling of the cave.  The voice sounded female, but with a strange, scratchy quality like sandpaper.

”Who are you?”  Loki demanded as he rose and materialized his daggers, and he stayed next to Thor as he took a defensive posture.  

”Who indeed.  For now I am curious.  I have never seen two with the same.”

“...Same what?”

“Foe.  You faced your greatest foe.  You were so nearly dead, I was so pleased.  That other one surprised me, I did not expect him to survive his own.  And then he came for you.  A curious creature.”

Loki wasn’t sure quite what she meant, but he knew this was the thing that had lured Thor to it, and clearly meant them both to be dead.  “Face me.” he demanded, and he heard a rustling above him.

“Do not make demands of me, little Jotun.  Your kind should not be down here anyway.”

Despite himself, Loki’s gaze shot down to Thor, but he was still unconscious, he hadn’t heard the thing’s words…not that he should have cared.  He didn’t, he was just…making sure that Thor was ignorant of his birth race so that Thor stayed compliant and Loki could barter him in the Jotunheim court.

“What do you mean?”

“I little enjoy the taste of you creatures.  Better that one beside you, though he is of a strange blood.”

“Strange blood?”

“His blood covers you now, taste yourself if you would know.”  The voice replied simply, as though it were obvious.  

Loki had no idea what manner of creature he was dealing with, but he’d had enough of the mystery.   He called a great gathering of magic to himself and sent it up with force to illuminate the ceiling, and watched the creation of energy shoot up long enough to reveal his foe.

A spider the size of a dwelling, with long, gnarled legs, off-white flesh, and many red eyes.  

Loki felt a frisson of fear as the spider slowly crept down further from the ceiling even as the magic dissipated and it grew too dark to see it again.  

“Now we see each other, little Jotun.  Take comfort, as your taste is poor, I will feed on you quickly.  This will be over very soon.”  the spider said, as skittering legs tapped against the walls and Loki heard the thing drawing closer.

Loki looked from the darkness above to the unconscious Thor beside him, this was not going to end well.

Chapter Text

The tapping of the spider’s legs against the walls of the cave grew closer and Loki’s mind raced for what he should do.  It seemed not adverse to speaking and he tried to distract it with conversation.  “The illusion you showed, it was my greatest foe?”

“Yes.  But not illusion.  Stronger than illusions.”

“You said it was the same as his, was his mine?”

“Does that mean ‘same’?  No, no…but it makes no difference now, he is dead already.”

”What?”  Loki felt a sickening feeling in his gut and he looked back at Thor, but saw a faint rise and fall to his chest even in the dim moss light.  

“My venom does not harm the Jotnar, but all others will freeze.  He will not last long.  I would feast while he still breathes.”

Loki saw the glint of red eyes as the spider grew near enough to be faintly illuminated.  The news about the venom was slightly welcome for him, not at all welcome on Thor’s behalf.  What manner of venom was it, was it truly fatal?  Thor was only mortal now, or close to it, but what did the spider mean by saying he had strange blood…because he was Asgardian, perhaps?   If Thor was dead anyway though, couldn’t Loki simply leave?   Could the spider follow him through the tunnels as he looked for an exit?  Was Thor’s body worth anything to Odin that he might still use it to treat with?

Loki felt a sharp pain in his side from where ‘Mjolnir’ had hit him, and he wondered how the spider had made such a powerful ‘not illusion’.  It made sense now how ‘Thor’ had summoned lightning down in the cave though, it hadn’t been truly real although it felt rather forceful.  “How have you tasted my blood when you have not come near me?”

“It is in the air.  You bleed and I taste it, taste so much.  Your blood is foul, but I will eat you anyway.  I will take the meat offered.”

“I am not offering.”  Loki said decidedly as he gripped his daggers.  The legs and eyes would be the weak points to go for, he supposed, though he wasn’t sure how tough the spider’s flesh was.  Or how fast it would be.  Loki glanced at Thor and still saw a rise and fall to his chest.  He would rather know how fatal the venom was, if it was pointless to make an attempt to keep the spider from him, or he should just try to flee and see if the enormous spider would be stuck in the room.  

“You lure with songs because you cannot enter the tunnels.”  he tried, to see what the spider might admit to, he wasn’t sure what intelligence level it had.  

“I can if I must.”  it said as it finally came to be just above Loki, only about six feet over his head and he felt his heart race as his stomach dropped.  There was no running from it then, unless it was lying, but it seemed fairly open with it’s words.  

Loki made a handful of illusions and all had them run about and speak loudly in an attempt to confuse the spider.  Sure enough, unlike with the false Thor, it did seem to stop the spider as it twitched left and right and seemed unsure of how to proceed.  He made a test shot by hurling his dagger upwards, disconcerted when it seemed to slightly graze the spider but little else.  Loki’s method of combat wasn’t best suited for handling giant spiders in a relatively tight cave, this was a job fit for Mjolnir, but that wasn’t an option.  

”Is your venom truly lethal?”  he asked as he moved about and tried again to hurl a dagger from a different corner and the spider made a twitching as the dagger got a little better purchase in it’s flesh but fell back again.  

“What means lethal.”  it asked, the tone more angry and clipped.

“Deadly.”

“Only death.”  it said ominously and Loki shuddered involuntarily as the spider hovered just above him, suspended by legs on all sides of the wall.  “Freeze from the inside.”

The sentences were more clipped as well, and Loki wondered how it even knew their language.  Did it steal it from their minds as it wove the illusions?  Was it limited in what it had gleaned?

Loki heard a light moan and looked to Thor, slightly startled, and he saw Thor’s hand twitch but nothing else.  That could be a sign of death impending, and he felt an odd twisting in his stomach.  Loki wanted Thor dead, of course, but not yet, not before Loki could use him to barter.  

“It still lives.”  The spider said.  “Strange blood.”  it repeated what it said earlier.  

“What does that mean?”  Loki asked, partially to keep a distracted conversation going and partially because he was trying to change position again as he meant to go for the eyes with his dagger this time.  

“Mix.”

Mix?  Because Thor was of Asgard and Vanaheim?  Well, the spider had quite possibly never tasted either before.  

Loki lined up his shot only to inhale sharply as the spider jumped down with sudden speed and snapped it’s pincer fangs right above his head.  He was only spared being struck by quickly jerking back, and he threw a couple more illusions out.  Loki was using a great deal of magic quickly, which would be less of a problem if he weren’t injured, dizzy, and already worn out from the Jotunheim issues in general.  

“Hold still.  Will be fast.”

“I decline.”  Loki muttered as he ran behind the spider.  He wanted to go for the eyes but it did little good if he’d be bitten first.  

“Then this one first.”  The spider said as it turned towards Thor and open it’s pincers.  

Shit.  Loki came to a halt as he hurled both of his daggers one after the other, and one caught one of the spider’s eyes while the other missed as the spider jerked.

“EYE!”  it screeched and the sound was ghastly.  It began to move around with surprising speed and jerked and leapt around the small space.  Loki wasn’t all that familiar with spiders, but he knew that those that didn’t build webs did things like set traps or jump, they could stalk prey.  The lack of webs inclined him to believe this creature followed that line of predation, if it was truly spider-like.  One of the legs narrowly missed ramming into Thor, and the legs seemed to have a thin coating of some kind to harden them.  He’d heard the clatter of it as the spider climbed down, and he could see the marks where the legs had dug into the ground slightly.   

Loki narrowly avoided being hit himself and took several quick steps back only to trip on a discarded…skull.  He tried to jump back up but the spider was already on him and with a force that made his gasp in pain, it clamped one pincer on his shoulder near the collar bone and one opposite on his back.  It dug in and grated and Loki made a pained cry as he brought his dagger up to ram into the space above one of the pincers.  His force was thrown off as the spider jerked and Loki tilted, stuck in it’s grasp.  He sent a blast of magic energy at the spider’s face and it yanked backwards, still with Loki in it’s grasp.  “Agh!”  Loki shouted as he blasted more energy at the spider, who started to drag him by the shoulder.  He realized the spider seemed to be gearing to take him upwards towards the ceiling, if that happened, he was surely going to have his survival chances lessened.  Loki slashed at the pincer but it was too hard, and he tried again to jab near the flesh of the pincer and managed a few inches as the spider released him.  

“Bad!”  it screeched and made as if to bite him again.  Loki jabbed at it’s face and cut a deep slash into the side of it as he hurled another dagger at a second eye and made purchase.  His victory was short lived as the spider dropped partially onto him, and Loki was stuck between the spider and the wall with a viciously aching and bleeding shoulder.  

“Get off!”  he snarled, desperate, and he tried to summon more blasts of energy but the spider seemed to determined as clacked it’s pincers again.  Loki was going to die all but alone in a tunnel, food for a spider creature, never to be found…all of his efforts for naught, what an ignoble end.  And Thor would go down with him all because he’d ‘tried to save’ Loki from his fall.  That wretched, foolish oaf had been the cause of this…”Ugh, Thor!”  he snarled, angry, frustrated, desperate to live.  

The spider launched it’s mouth down towards Loki who prepared to at least try to stab it under the chin, but he was surprised when the spider was launched sideways by a concussive blast of…lightning?

Loki looked past the spider to where Thor was hunched over but standing as rings of lightning swirled around his body, and his eyes were illuminated by it.  “...Thor?”

Thor staggered like he might fall as the lightning faded from his eyes and hands, and he squinted at Loki with a furrowed brow.  There was a bit more color to his cheeks as he held out his hand.  “Loki, quickly.”  he ordered, and Loki realized he was missing his opportunity to get away from the stunned spider.  

Loki lurched to his feet and clutched his shoulder wound as he ran to Thor and eyed him incredulously.  Thor seemed…slightly healed, how was that possible, where had the lightning come from?  “How did you do that?”

Thor didn’t seem to hear him as he stared at the spider as it started to get up and made angry noises.  Loki grabbed Thor’s shoulder.  “What was that?”

Thor looked his way with a vacant expression a moment before he squinted again.  “Where are we?”

“What?"

The spider charged and Loki shoved Thor sideways as he himself darted back with a sidestep.  Thor went off balance and dropped to his knees, and the spider made to bite him but Thor yanked sideways enough to avoid it.  The spider slammed a leg down towards Thor and Loki took the opportunity to throw two more daggers towards it’s eyes, and four out of eight were gone then.  Loki recalled his daggers as the spider moved backwards and he ran to Thor.  He hauled him up by the arm and saw Thor peering at the spider.  

“What is wrong with you?”

“My vision is…blurry.”  Thor muttered.  

Oh, great, just what they didn’t need.  A useless and vision impaired Thor, what a perfect addition to an already awful situation.

Then Thor peered at his arm and frowned.  “You are bleeding, Loki.”

“I am aware.”   Loki hissed as he looked to the spider who had started to climb above them again, he feared that it meant to jump down on them.  

“How do we kill it?”  Thor asked.

“There is no ‘we’, you are mortal wea-”

”-How soft is the flesh?”  Thor asked as he eyed the area above them cautiously.  

“Eat, feast.”  the spider said above them.  

Loki cursed.  “Depends on the spot-”

“-I will distract it.”  Thor interrupted again, quietly as the spider seemed to have excellent hearing.  “Climb onto the spider and stab the head.”

“Excuse me?”

“I cannot do it as I am, but if the head flesh is soft, can you not stab it there?”   Thor had no idea where the heart would be on the thing, but head wounds were usually a good bet, especially if it had a brain to speak of.

Loki considered it quickly.  His shoulder was killing him, he wasn’t at his best, but could he clamber up a spider and stab it?  Sure, why not.  

“Why alive?”  the spider demanded, and it occurred to Loki that the spider had seemed sure it’s venom would kill Thor.  

“Fine.”  Loki said as he shoved a dagger at Thor, who took it with a faintly surprised look.  “Since you enjoy being bait so much.”  he snapped, irritated when Thor smiled slightly like he’d made a joke.

It definitely wasn’t any hint of a joke based on what Thor had said after their frost giant encounter, certainly not.

“Be careful.”  Thor advised.

Loki scowled at the oaf, who was wasting time and breath to say such things to him.  “Fool.”  he snarled.

Thor sighed to himself as he pulled away from Loki while the spider skittered around overhead and spun as if to follow with it’s gaze.  “Spider.  Hey, spider!”  

Loki fought the urge to groan.  That was Thor’s idea of being a good distraction?

“Not spider.”  it said angrily.

“You look like one.”  Thor replied, and he sounded extremely weary, enough so that Loki wondered if he might pass out again.  That was the last thing he needed right now.  

“Not. Spider!”

The speech level had certainly devolved, and Loki casually made his way to what passed for behind the spider as he waited for it to jump down.  

“My vision is poor, if you were closer perhaps I would change my mind.”  Thor challenged.

“Be dead.”  it said in reply angrily.

“I would rather not.”  Thor replied in an almost cheerful tone, despite the weariness, and Loki had the most irritating urge to smirk.  The bastard.

“Dead!”  the spider insisted as it jumped down then and Thor narrowly avoided it by falling backwards.  The idiot was going to get himself killed before Loki even had a chance.  

Thor scrambled to his feet as he held up his hand in a stop motion.  “Wait, let me see you now.”  And to Loki’s shock, the spider stopped and bobbed to come slightly closer to Thor as if to let him see.

A lack-wit spider for his lack-wit bro-not brother, it was just typical, was it not?

“See!”  the spider clicked it’s pincers.  

Thor squinted as if to inspect the spider while Loki got into position behind it.  “Well…”  Thor hedged and Loki took his chance as he leapt up while grabbing two legs.  The spider jerked but Loki held fast and swung himself upwards.  He nearly missed by snagged another leg and yanked himself up, and then he was on the spider’s back as it started to whirl around.  

“Ugly spider!”  Thor called, and the spider whipped back to Thor angrily, and Loki couldn’t even be surprised anymore.  Thor was ridiculous, there were no two ways about it.  

“Not!”  the spider snapped as it moved towards Thor, and seemed almost to have forgotten that Loki was on it’s back.  He took his chance again as he shakily raced to the head and materialized both daggers as he slammed them downwards at the top and side of the head.  

The spider screeched and reared back, and Loki tumbled with a yelp.  He slammed into the ground on his injured shoulder and gasped with pain, only to see the spider about to fall on top of him while it flailed.  His arm felt a bit limp and he tried to push up with his non-dominant arm quickly, and then he was yanked sideways.  Loki found himself pressed against Thor’s chest as the latter grabbed him and turned his back towards the spider as if to protect Loki from any blows, and the spider collapsed.  

Loki blinked, a little overwhelmed by the whole experience, injured, and having not expected Thor’s random intervention.  He pushed away at Thor who let go and fell back onto his rear with a weary sigh.  “Are you a complete fool?  You mean to be my shield when you can barely take a hit without falling?”  Loki snapped.

Thor squinted at him and then huffed through his nose.  “I did not have time to plan for it, Loki, the spider might have crushed you.  I acted.”

Loki frowned at him, the disheveled, bloodied, weary Thor who thought shouting ‘ugly’ at creatures was a good method of distraction.  He moved and hissed in pain as his shoulder felt fit to come apart.  

Thor leaned forward and made as if to grab Loki’s upper arm but Loki swatted his hand away.  “I have it.”  he snarled.

Thor paused, frowned, and then gave a squinting glare to Loki.  “You are ‘my king’, are you not?  Then should I not tend to you?”

Loki had his logic thrown back in his face a bit and he eyed Thor.  “What would you do anyway?”

Thor still had one of Loki’s daggers, and without comment he cut a strip from the bottom of the cloak the trees had given him, and then another, and tied two ends together to create a long strip.  “I will bind your shoulder, remove your shirt.”

“That is not neces-”

“Loki, please, must everything be a fight?  Can we not have a truce at least until after we survive this damned cave?”

Loki hesitated at his words for a second before begrudgingly he acknowledged to himself that there was some sense in Thor’s words.  “Fine.”  he muttered as he made to take off his shirt only to find his arm didn’t want to lift properly.  It would heal, Loki’s healing factor was exceptional, but it would take time and the spider had torn into muscle and tendons.  

“Here.”  Thor leaned forward to help and Loki stiffened with a glare and Thor lifted a brow.  And after a silent few seconds Loki used magic to cause his top to disappear, and reveal his pale torso covered in blood.  Thor visibly winced and Loki watched his face carefully as he began to tend to Loki’s wound.  He wiped blood away with the bottom of his intact cloak and Loki didn’t comment, and then Thor began to wrap the cloth around Loki’s arm carefully.  Loki kept his expression impassive even when it hurt, and eventually Thor had tightly wrapped it.  He formed a new set of clothing on himself, blood free and loose so as not to stress his wound and then he regarded Thor.  “Show me your chest wound.”  he ordered.

Thor seemed like he might hesitate but then complied as he lifted his shirt, and both of them were surprised to find the bit of stab from Loki had all but healed.  Loki recalled then what he’d forgotten in the midst of the life-or-death struggle.  “So your powers are back?”  he asked icily.  “New ones too, no less.”

“What?”

Loki scoffed.  “The power you used against the spider.”

“What are you talking about?”  Thor sounded genuinely confused.

Loki’s brow furrowed.  “You summoned lightning from your body, you struck the spider.  And now the wound on your chest is all but healed.”

Thor looked confused and then looked down at his hand as he flexed his fingers and seemed to focus for a moment before he shook his head.  “Still mortal.”

Loki abruptly moved his hand forward and grabbed Thor’s head as he felt around for any trace of Thor’s power and found none, Thor puled back as Loki tried to make sense of it.  “You do not recall using lightning?”

“No.  I do not even have Mjolnir, how could I?”

How indeed.  Thor seemed genuine in his words, but Loki knew what he’d seen, he was sure he hadn’t imagined it…and yet, Thor was undeniably still mortal and saying he didn’t recall it.  “You remember nothing?”

Thor seemed to try to recall and he said after a few seconds. “Warmth…perhaps light?”  

That was how he’d described what he thought happened in the void, which Loki decided was likely not to be a coincidence.  The spider was sure that Thor would die, and Thor had already seemed weak.  But now he was…slightly better, his wounds were partially healed, he seemed more alert although his vision still seemed blurry given his squinting.  And then there was his foolish attempt to act as Loki’s shield with a spider flailing about.  He thought about the sorrowful words Thor had spoken in his hazy state, the brotherly pleading, and he still wasn’t sure what to make of it.  Perhaps he didn’t want to, he didn’t want to have to think to himself about the possibility that Thor…was not everything Loki had decided that he was.  Loki used magic to change Thor’s clothes as well, to something sturdier, warmer, and not covered in blood and slashes.

Thor looked surprised as he glanced down at himself before he looked back at Loki.  “Thank you, b-Loki.”

“It will be inconvenient if you die.”  Loki said simply, and Thor let it pass.  In truth, Loki was drained and exhausted, and in considerable pain, and even to change Thor’s clothes had felt like a bit of an effort.  He wanted to sleep but that seemed inadvisable, and also… Loki rose and made his way towards the spider which hadn’t so much as twitched, and he was confident it was dead.  Thor followed after a few seconds and watched as Loki went near the head and stared at the spider a moment before he materialized his other dagger.  He began to try to saw at one of the pincers with the hand left to him, which was a bit of a chore.  

“What are you doing?”  Thor asked.

“Collecting the venom.”  Loki said irritably.  “It might prove useful.”  Thor blinked and then laughed, and Loki glared at him.  “What?”  he snapped.

“We have barely survived Jotunheim, and that thing, and you can hardly move your arm…but you are collecting materials still.  Some things never change, br-...”  Thor laughed again even as he cut off from saying an instinctive ‘brother’, then winced as he put a hand to his ribs which naturally were still in pain.  

Loki was surprised by that, and he very nearly found the ghost of a smile on his lips because…well, it was a little silly when Thor put it like that, and it was so…familiar.  It was a comment that a big brother would make in a scenario with camaraderie.  But it was a lie, that was all it was, and the hint of humor in him stopped short.  His sawing efforts weren’t going well, and Thor stepped over beside him.  Loki had made the dagger he’d lent Thor disappear, and Thor held his palm out with his fingers splayed.  “Hand me a dagger.”

“Pardon?”  

“I will help you.  I am sure it would pain you to leave Jotunheim without a souvenir of our many near-death experiences.”  

Thor’s tone was tired, but slightly teasing, and Loki was tempted to snap at him.  Did Thor think anything had changed between them?  It had not.  Whatever foolish attempts Thor had made to help Loki were his own business, he probably thought it would put Loki on his side, and he had another thing coming if so.  But nonetheless he materialized his other dagger and handed it to Thor, who began cutting at the other pincer.  

Loki thought back to what the spider had said as they worked, about seeing the same thing, the same ‘greatest foe’, which made no sense.  He had seen Thor, and it wasn’t as if Thor had seen himself.  “What illusion did the spider show you?”  he asked.

“Huh?”

“The thing you fought before I arrived.”

”I forgot about that.”  Thor muttered.  “You slit my throat.”  

“It was not you.”  Loki corrected sharply.  

“You did not know that.”  Thor pointed out.

He wasn’t wrong and Loki let it pass as he went back to his question.  “Who did you fight?”

”…I do not remember.”  Thor said as he focused on his task.

“So it was me?”  Loki asked, suspicious of Thor’s answer.

“No!  Why would you think-”  he trailed off even as Loki paused to look at him, Thor realized a few seconds too late.

“How can you be so sure it was not me if you do not remember?”  Loki asked archly, as he tricked Thor into a slight admission.

“...I am sure that it was not.”  

“So who was it?”

“Does it matter?”

“When your king asks a question, you will answer.”  Loki growled.  

“You would not understand.”  Thor said as he gave an aggressive few slices and yanked the pincer away, and inside was a large, yellow-white sac that smelled foul but seemed to contain the venom.  He handed it to Loki with an expression of distaste.  “Your prize.”

Loki took it without looking away from Thor.  “What is not to be understood?  How could I fail to comprehend the identity of your ‘greatest foe’?”  he was getting angry again, certain that Thor must be lying and that his foe was Loki given his secrecy.  Loki pushed himself to open the small, pocket dimension he’d been working on and set his ‘prize’ inside before it disappeared.

Thor blinked, taken aback.  “Did you just…put that away in the air?”  his vision was blurry, perhaps he’d not seen properly-

“Answer my question, Thor.”  Loki snapped.

“I have done.”  Thor insisted, and then Loki made a noise of anger as he leaned forward and gripped his hand on Thor’s head.  

“I will see for myself then.”  Loki snarled, and he used his powers [perhaps unwisely given his current state] to call forth Thor’s memory and watch for himself.

Chapter Text

“Hello, Thor.”  came a mocking and familiar voice.  “Well met.”

Thor turned to see a man who looked almost identical to him, albeit resplendent in the regalia of one who was about to be crowned king.  Except, rather than Thor’s coronation colors, most everything was in gold and white, right down to a pure gold helm with wings.  The man’s  hair was long and loose about his shoulders, immaculate and golden, and he wore a casual, mocking smile on his lips.  Thor, and yet not Thor, the Golden Prince of Asgard in all his finery, larger-than-life than the real thing.   

“Who are you, what is this? “ Thor asked as he took a step back with a defensive posture.  He had been following the voice of the woman, but it had faded, and along with it the compulsory feelings to find and aid her had also faded.  Instead, he came to the realization that he’d wandered into a cave, fallen deep within, and was now faced with a strange specter that knew him by name and looked so similar.  

“You know me well, better than yourself, do you not?  Although perhaps that is because there is so little to know of you.”  The Prince said in a tone that held a touch of derisive pity.  

“Speak plainly, I have no use for your riddles.”  Thor growled, even as his mind raced.  He had no weapon, he was injured, tired, mortal-weak, and presumably Loki had no idea where he was even if he was willing to find and aid Thor.  So in other words, he was on his own, and all but defenseless.

“Forgive me, it escaped me that I am speaking to a fool.  How shall I make it plainer for you…let us see…you are Thor the Unworthy, and I am the Golden Prince of Asgard.  Do you begin to understand, or must I make it plainer still?”  The Prince mocked.

Thor’s gaze slid to the ‘door’ he’d come in through as he contemplated trying to go back the way he came.

“Do not bother.”  he said, as if in response to Thor’s thoughts.  “There is nowhere you can run that I will not find you.  Has it not always been so?”

“What sorcery is this?”  Thor growled.

“Think you that Loki is to blame?  A reasonable conclusion, but no, this is between us alone.”  

“Loki would not summon you.  But the one who led me here might.  Where is your mistress, unless you are she?”

“Do I seem like a woman to you, Unworthy?”  The Prince sneered.  “I am what all men aspire to  be, yourself included.”  

Thor frowned as he eyed the other ‘man’.  “You give yourself too much credit.”

“Oh, come now, you cannot lie to me.  You have spent the entirety of your life in my shadow, my mantle suits you ill.  But still you struggle, you claim a title you have never been deserving of.”  When Thor didn’t reply, the Prince laughed.  “You cannot even deny it.”

“If there is a point to this, reach it quickly, you talk too much.”

The Prince’s lip curled as he took a step towards Thor.  “The point is to ensure you know your place, Thor the Unworthy.  To teach you again what others have taught you before, little that you seem to have heeded them.”

Thor eyed him a moment before he leaned over and picked up a pair of rocks which he promptly hurled at the Prince.

The Prince stared at him as the rocks bounced off of his armor.  “You think to beat me with pebbles?”

“Making sure you are solid.  If you seek a fight, then come at me.”

The Prince laughed.  “You are not fit to fight a child, and you would seek to fight me?  If you wished to court death so badly, you might as well have just asked Loki, he would have happily obliged.”

Thor frowned deeply at that and the Prince smirked.

“Does the truth sting?  The knowledge that even your brother finds you lacking?  Unworthy as a son, as a prince, as a man, as a brother.  A thing which lacks for value and worth, as you know well.”

“I would court death just for an end to your blathering.”  Thor drawled.  

“We have died before, you recall?  By the Destroyer.  Where you got on your knees like a coward in the face of the enemy.  You should have fought to the last breath, and instead, you offered your head like a cowed dog.”

“I laid down my life to protect the innocents around me-”

“-And why were they in danger?  Your banishment brought you to that moment as much as Loki.  If you had not been so unworthy, you would not have been there to attack.  You brought it on them, you failed them as you failed your name.  Some ‘Odinson’, you bring shame to the House of Odin.”

Thor’s face grew angry as his temper flared in earnest and he snapped.  “Fight me or cease in speaking, I have no more patience for your games.”

The Prince scoffed before he approached until he was within a foot of Thor who stared back at him defiantly.  “You might have at least acknowledged your inferiority, but that would be too dignified for a mongrel like you.”

Thor had had well above enough and threw a furious punch at the Prince’s face, only to have his eyes widen slightly as the Prince caught his fist easily and began to move it aside despite Thor’s efforts to keep it steady.  “Oh, Unworthy.  You are ever the fool.”  the Prince rammed a kick into Thor’s stomach that sent him skidding several feet as he fell onto his back.  

Thor got back up quickly, albeit with a wince and clutching at his injured rib.  But the Prince was already on him again and slammed a fist into his face and sent Thor sprawling back again.  

”Reminds you of Alfheim, does it not?  Nostalgic for us both.”  

Thor staggered back up with a grim, angry expression.  “So you have my memories, is that it?”

“Is that much not obvious?”  The Prince chuckled.  

“It is obvious you are a poor imitation.”

The Prince’s expression filled with disgust.  “Says the one who strives to imitate me all the same.  I know what you see in the mirror, what whispers you hear.  The truth of you.”  he drew close and made to strike Thor again, but Thor deflected the punch and slammed his fist into the Prince’s throat.

The Prince staggered back slightly with an expression of pain that melted into one of amusement and he chuckled again.  “I thought to let you have a chance, but is that the best you can manage?  How weak you are, and for what?  To save yourself, to save your ‘brother’?”

“What do you mean?”  

“What happened in the void, naturally.”

Thor’s eyes widened slightly.  “You remember?”   A strange question to ask the specter that seemed to be reflecting an aspect of him with his memories, but there it was.

“Vividly.  You cracked our core, you wretched fool.  So desperate to save that bastard-”

“-Do not speak of my brother so.”  Thor snarled.  

The Prince suddenly grinned.  “How remiss of me, I have been speaking of you when I ought to have been speaking of him.  That motivates you far better.  That bastard foundling that seeks to take my throne-”

Thor charged at the Prince who slammed a fist against the side of his face and the metal of his bracers caught him on the cheek and cut it slightly.  He fell sideways and staggered into a wall as he forced himself to stay upright through the pain.  

“Too weak to defend your ‘brother’s’ honor.  Can you be any more pathetic?”

“My brother’s honor needs no defense, he has as much right to the throne as I have.”

“But he does not, does he?  He is not of Odin’s blood.”

”It matters not, he is the son of Odin and Frigga, and he is my brother.”  Thor said firmly.

“A brother who killed you with the Destroyer, tried to kill you on the Bifrost, and would have probably done unspeakable things to sweet Jane if given the chance.”

“Do not speak her name.”   Thor snarled.

“Ah, yes, your precious mortal.  The one who calls you ‘Thor’ as though it means something.  It means nothing, as with you.”

The Prince held out his hand, and Thor watched, stunned as Mjolnir seemed to fly to his hand from nowhere.  “I suppose I should end this farce.”

“You have Mjolnir?”  Thor was taken aback, it wasn’t possible, was it?

“She requires a worthy wielder, and who more so than I?”  The Prince said before he hurled Mjolnir at Thor who only barely dodged, mostly because he was so familiar with the movements that he recognized what the Prince intended before he did it.  Thor was far from in any condition to dodge properly.  

“You are worthy of nothing.  You are a shade.”  Thor said as he watched the Prince carefully and narrowly avoided another hurl of Mjolnir, and then ducked as Mjolnir nearly swung into his head from behind.  He had never been on the receiving end of Mjolnir before, and he liked it not.  

“Spoken by my little shadow.”  The Prince said.  

“You bring misery to others.  You are no more fit to be king than I.”

“What would you know about fitness?  You were the one who couldn’t even lift Mjolnir.”  The Prince shook his head.  “When this is finished, I will use this very hammer to end that traitor foundling, and then I will find sweet Jane.  When I have had my fill of her-”

Thor slammed into the Prince who dropped Mjolnir to grab Thor with both hands and hurl him to the ground.  

“You never learn do you?  Accept your place beneath me, and die by worthier hands.”

Thor found himself next to Mjolnir, and instinctively he grabbed her hilt and made to lift her only to find that she wouldn’t move.  No…was he unworthy again?  Was that why he’d lost his powers in the void?

The Prince laughed.  “Even Mjolnir knows you are a false prince.”

Thor couldn’t let the strange specter win, he needed to save Loki, he needed to return home, he wished to see Jane again, he wished to make amends.  

“All-Fathers, give me strength.”  he whispered, and he charged again at the Prince who chuckled and allowed it.  Thor made as if to punch only to, at the last second, bring his other hand up as he shoved both of his thumbs into the specter’s eyes.

The Prince made a terrible, almost shrieking noise and staggered back with both eyes gone.  “You wretched-”

Thor ripped the helm from his head and used one of the sharp, metal wings and jabbed it as hard as he could into the Prince’s throat.  

The Prince gasped, and then slumped to the ground as Thor tossed the helm to the ground and breathed heavily.  The thing and the helm began to disappear and Thor stumbled to the door where, as he looked out, he saw Loki locked in combat with…a similar specter?

“You are beneath me, you damned animal.”  The Golden Prince of Asgard told Loki as he raised Mjolnir and slammed it into Loki’s chest as he pinned him to the cave wall.  “Die, monster.”  he said as he began to squeeze Loki’s throat.

Panic welled in Thor at the sight.  “Loki!”  he shouted as he ran towards them, and he slipped his arm around the specter’s neck and grabbed it as tightly as he could.  The false prince moved back slightly, and then Thor felt the tip of a knife in his chest as he staggered back and watched Loki slit the throat of the thing.  

Thor stared at Loki, stunned, having been slightly stabbed and having watched Loki slit the throat of a thing that looked so similar to him.  

“...Thor?”  Loki said.

Thor looked to the wound on his chest before he muttered.  “It was not real, brother.”

--------------

Loki pulled away with wide eyes as he stared at Thor who wore an angry, resigned expression.  For a moment, neither said a word before Loki asked.  “How can you be your own greatest foe?   How…that does not-”

“-My foe is not me, I told you that you would not understand.”  Thor muttered.  

The specter that Thor fought had said so many things that made no sense to Loki, the whole event seemed scarcely possible, but there it was.   Thor the Unworthy, the mirror, Alfheim, the talk of the void, Thor’s defense of Loki, the things that the specter said in general…

“You look weary, Loki, sleep.  I will wake you if there is trouble.”

Loki scoffed, and he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to let the matter drop and think on it or press for more answers.  He was tired, pained, overwhelmed, and now confused on top of it all.  “You are likelier to collapse than I.”

“I will manage, your shoulder will heal faster if you rest.  We can find our way out when you wake.”

Loki eyed him as he considered it.  “You would die out there without me.”  he reminded Thor.

Thor’s expression turned faintly annoyed.  “I would not leave you anyway, Loki.  If I wished you dead, I could have left you to that thing.”

He had a point, much as Loki didn’t want to grant that.  “Well, at least you know where your survival comes from.”

Thor looked frustrated then.  “You know perfectly well that is not why I did it.  No matter what you do or say, you are my brother.  I would not abandon you.  Did I not prove that with your illusion of Father?”

“Your father.”  Loki spat.

“Even if you do not claim Odin as your father, I claim you as my brother.”

“Then you are twice the fool I have ever taken you for.”  Loki mocked, even as Thor’s words rattled him a bit.  Thor had something of a point, he had been faced with an inviting Odin and he’d courted banishment to say he would stay with Loki.  He’d gotten angry and defensive over Loki to the specter.   The specter had suggested that Thor had protected them in the void…something about a broken core, he would need to think on that.  Thor had saved him from his own specter, and watched Loki slit the throat of it, and he wasn’t offering lectures or accusations.  Silly thing that it was, he’d even helped Loki to collect the venom.  And his specter had been ‘himself’, or not himself apparently, Loki didn’t quite understand.  But it was strange, and he had not expected his not-brother to have any such mysteries about him.   

But how could any of it be real?  Where was it all before?  Thor could not have truly changed, and not so suddenly.  One trip to Midgard as a mortal and suddenly he was soft and brotherly again?  Suddenly he wished to make amends and focus on Loki?  

No, there were motives, that was the only answer that made sense.  Thor had shown his lack of love and respect for Loki too well over the later years of their relationship for it to be otherwise now.  

“Rest either way, Loki.  I will keep watch.”

“Unless you collapse.”

”I will not.”  

Loki considered it and considered his own state, and then finally nodded.  “Fine.  But if I awake and find you sleeping…”

“You may scold me relentlessly.”  Thor replied dryly, and Loki fought a flicker of amusement.  

Loki glanced around the uncomfortable floor and prepared to settle in before Thor made another offer.

“You may rest on my legs if you wish.”

Loki shot him a scowl.  “Why would I do that?”

“Because it will be more comfortable than the floor, and take some pressure from your shoulder.”  Thor could see Loki about to make some scathing remark and he sighed.  “We have established, I think, that I mean you no harm, Loki.  I will not make the…’mistake’, of thinking that it means anything if you were to use me in this.”

There was something oddly unpleasant about Thor acknowledging it so outright that Loki would have gone out of his way to ensure Thor didn’t assume they were on good terms just because Loki took him up on the offer.  “Well, as long as you know.”  Loki said anyway, and he thought he saw a faintly sad look on Thor’s face before it was back to the weary expression.  

Loki hesitated but then moved closer as he laid his head on Thor’s thigh while Thor leaned his back against the cave wall.  He looked up at Thor a moment, who looked down at him wordlessly, and then he closed his eyes.  It meant nothing, none of it did, Thor was still the villain between them…Loki had been trying to do the right thing, destroying Jotunheim would have been a boon to the realms…Loki would have made for an excellent king.  Thor was monstrous, Thor was…unworthy.

“Does the truth sting?  The knowledge that even your brother finds you lacking?  Unworthy as a son, as a prince, as a man, as a brother.  A thing which lacks for value and worth, as you know well.”

The specter’s words to Thor echoed in his mind.  As did the implication that Thor had been killed by the Destroyer, that had not been the case, had it?  

Well, he would worry about all of that nonsense when he awoke.  Loki, feeling strangely more at ease than he had in the entire time of being in Jotunheim thus far, fell asleep and would not acknowledge that lying on his false brother had anything to do with it.  

Thor kept his gaze on Loki a moment, and could almost pretend that things were different.  That Loki was still his Loki, and they were brothers on an adventure instead of what the truth was.  But he knew when Loki woke, it would only be more of the same.  Thor wasn’t sure what to do, but he needed to find a way to get them both home, and hopefully get through to his brother in the process.

Chapter Text

The Jotun touched Loki’s hand and he watched as blue crept up over the formerly white skin.  

“You are my son.”

“What more than that?”  Loki asked of Odin after touching the Casket of Ancient Winters.

Thor, arrogant and confident, speaking of killing all the frost giants.

The false Thor, wielding a false Mjolnir and preparing to strike Loki down-

“Loki, Loki…”

Loki came awake with a start and squinted up at Thor’s face in the moss light, and for a second, his mind was on other times as he mumbled.  “Brother?”  Thor’s eyes widened and then Loki’s mind caught up to the present as he jerked upright.  “Why did you wake me?”  he asked irritably.

“You were having a nightmare.  You were mumbling and moving about.”

Loki eyed Thor a moment and decided to let the incident pass.  His shoulder felt slightly better, and he assumed he’d gotten at least a few hours sleep.  Thor looked weary and he motioned him to lay down.  “Sleep.”

“I am fine, you should-”

“-Sleep, Thor.  I was not asking.”  Loki snarled.

Thor’s expression twisted between anger and tiredness before he gave in and laid down with his back against the cave wall with an arm propped under his head.  “Any words that creature spoke to you were not my own.  I do not wish you harm, Loki.”

Loki stared at Thor with a frown before he shrugged.  “It shows you for a fool.”

“Because I do not wish to harm someone I have known as my brother all of my life?”

“Because I am not your brother, I do wish you harm, and you think feigning softness will change anything.”

“I am not feigning-”

“-Enough!  I said to sleep!”  

Thor made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat but complied as he closed his eyes and tried to sleep.  When had his brother become so stubborn and single-minded?  Why could they not just talk about whatever it was that troubled him?  

Loki’s gaze slid from Thor to his hands as he idly picked at the hand that had first turned Jotun blue.  Thor kept acting outside of Loki’s expectations, and he couldn’t fathom it.  Where was his fury?  Where were Thor’s futile attempts to be forceful with Loki?  Why hadn’t he scorned him?  Why hadn’t he mocked him for being adopted?  Why hadn’t he left with ‘Odin’ when he’d had the ‘chance’?  What did it mean that Thor’s greatest foe seemed to be himself, although Thor said that wasn’t the case even after Loki had seen it.  And then there were the pleading words, the request for forgiveness, the tears in Thor’s eyes, the apologies for whatever hurts he’d caused.

“Please forgive me.  Do not say we are not brothers.  You are my little brother.  You have always been that.  You will be so always.”

Thor would surely see things differently if he knew the ‘brother’ who was ordering him about and ill-treating him was actually a frost giant foundling.  If he hadn’t treated Loki as lesser enough already, the knowledge that Loki was a monster would surely do the trick.  He couldn’t tell him though, because he needed Thor compliant enough to follow him.  Loki would ransom Thor, become King of Jotunheim, and from there…well, he knew the portals in and out of Asgard, perhaps he might even find a way to conquer Asgard as well.  King of two realms, with Odin and Thor at his feet.  

He tried not to think about his mother in that equation.

Still, Thor’s behavior seemed…too consistently outside of what it should be.  His brother-his not brother-had a hair-trigger temper and lacked guile, he was a prideful creature and wouldn’t tolerate insults.  Loki had been harsh and physical with Thor, and Thor’s biggest flare of temper seemed to have been when Loki interrupted his attempt to free Loki from the chains.  And now here was Thor waking him from a nightmare.  Loki glanced back at Thor who looked so unlike himself, so pale and beaten down.  The thing Thor had seen claimed he’d broken his ‘core’ in the void, and Thor had twice spoken of lights and warmth when he’d apparently used powers without his knowing.  What did it all mean?  

His mind drifted to Asgard, to Odin and Frigga, to his false life there.  He had tried so hard to win approval and favor and it was all in vain, because Odin knew what Loki was and had never intended him to have the throne.  Everything was meant to go to Thor, and Loki was meant to serve at his side.  Never mind that Thor would run the Nine Realms into the ground, never mind that he was easily led and reckless, never mind that Loki had the better mind and talent for rule.  All things good were meant for Thor.  

Loki’s gaze slid to Thor again, this time with renewed resentment and bitterness.  All Thor had to do was be born to the ‘right’ family, and he got everything handed to him.  His future was secured [at least until Loki had interrupted it], Thor was secure in the knowledge that he was Asgardian, that Mjolnir was his, that he would one day be king.  Loki had nothing, he had no family or future, he had no Mjolnir, nothing for him was secure.  

Loki wasn’t even Asgardian.  

He eventually decided that Thor had slept long enough, and he roused him by pressing the toe of his boot into Thor’s stomach.  Thor came awake slowly with a weary expression as he squinted up at Loki.  “I am awake.”  he mumbled as he rubbed at his face, and winced as he touched the bruise from the false Thor.  

“Has your vision returned?”  Loki asked coolly.

Thor paused and peered around the room as his eyes adjusted, and then he nodded.  “Yes.”

“Good.  Get up, we are leaving.”

Thor pushed himself with a wince, and Loki noted that he seemed to brace himself against the wall.  Was Thor truly so weak now?  Was he that much injured?  

“Loki has been my brother all my life, and he will be my brother till I die!  I do not care if you claim him as your son, I still claim him as my brother, and I will not accept him to be any less.  So if you will not take him with us, then you will leave without me.”

Loki was hard-pressed to disbelieve Thor, but he wanted to, he needed to…because if Thor wasn’t the villain…then what did that make Loki?  What had he even been punishing Thor for?  What would happen if, when Thor found out what Loki was, he didn’t turn from him even then?  

“It would be a pain to deal with if you collapsed, so if it happens that you feel you must rest, then say so.”  Loki said in a commanding, disinterested tone.  

Thor looked at him and seemed almost surprised, and Loki found the look irritating.  He wasn’t doing it to be kind, he didn’t care that Thor looked so unnervingly weak…it was purely for convenience sake.

“How are you feeling?”  Thor asked, and he sounded only concerned, and it was maddening to Loki.  Where was Thor’s rage?  Where was his indignation at what Loki had done to him?  Had Thor lost his wits [little that there had ever been] when he’d lost his powers?  

“I neither need nor want your false concern, so save your breath-”

“Damnit, Loki!”  Thor snapped, and Loki was a little surprised.  “You have never shied from telling me what you think my flaws are, and among them you have never called me ‘liar’.  Do not start now just because you wish it to be true.  Whatever you think of me, whatever you feel, I do not have to pretend to care for you.  I have done it all my life.  Call me fool if you wish, but I have no reason to lie.  You have made it more than obvious you have no care for me, regardless of what I say or do.”

Loki fell silent at that, because there was logic in it, because Thor had spoken it so bluntly, and because of all the things to get a rise out of Thor it had been calling his care false.  He was damned convincing, and Thor was right…being a liar wasn’t Thor’s style, but even so…there were different forms of lying, different forms of convincing oneself of untrue things.  Perhaps Thor believed he cared, but so what?  It meant nothing, and it changed nothing…they weren’t truly brothers, and Thor would learn the truth, and tire of the pretense.  Perhaps he would feel he needed to end Loki with his own hands, eager as Thor had been to kill the ‘monsters’.  “If you acknowledge I have no care, why bother showing me any?”  he asked tonelessly.

“My love for you is not conditional, Loki.  Neither is my view that you are my brother.  Whatever wrongs I have done you, I never intended them.  I have never wished you harm, Loki.  Know that whatever foolish things I have done, whatever unworthiness I have shown, it does not change that I have always cared for you and will always do so.  You cannot force it to be otherwise.”

Loki stared at Thor, at the tired but honest face and tone, at the openness of him.  Thor wasn’t dissembling, he meant it or at least believed he did, Loki had to grant that much.  It put strange feelings and hints of doubt in him, it made him questioned things he’d held so certain, made him wonder if he’d picked the wrong target for his rage.  “That thing…it said you died by the Destroyer.  Explain.”

Thor paused and looked away a moment before met Loki’s gaze again.  “I was mortal when it struck me, I died.  I was revived when my powers were restored.”

“Mjolnir cannot resurrect.”  Loki protested.  “Odin would have said if the hammer held such a power.”

“I do not know how it happened or why, I did not have a chance to ask.  But I am certain I was dead, brief though it was.”

“How?”  Loki demanded.  

“...I felt it.”  Thor said quietly.  “It was the purest darkness I have ever experienced.  There was nothing…and then I felt a force draw me back, back to my body and to life.”

Loki frowned at his description and at the implications.  “So you mean to say that I killed you after all?”

“I was not trying to say that.”  Thor sounded a little annoyed, it seemed to him that Loki was trying to find a way to twist the words that Loki had demanded Thor speak.

“But it is true, is it not?”

“The Destroyer did it.”

“By my order.”

Thor looked angry then as he took a step towards Loki, who instinctively almost took a step back but stood his ground, Thor could hurt him no longer.  “And that pleases you?  You wish me to praise you for that?”

“Perhaps.”  Loki mocked.  “After all, it was I, Loki who killed the Mighty Thor.  It was I who brought the Golden Prince of Asgard to his knees.”

Thor’s fists clenched at that, and Loki wondered what part of the conversation was getting such a rise out of him.  “You regret it not at all?”

“No.”  Loki said easily.  “I regret only that you came back from it.”

Thor’s expression twisted with anger, pain, and something hard and unfamiliar.  He had never seen such an expression on Thor before.  “You truly wish me dead?”

“Have I not said as much?  Did I fail to make that clear somehow?  I loathe you, and would find the world much better off without you in it.”

Thor stared at Loki intently before he said lowly.  “Then leave me be.  I withdraw my request for your assistance, my king.”

That caught Loki off guard, and he wasn’t sure immediately how to proceed.  “You will die without my magic, it will not last without close proximity to me.”

“So be it.  It should please you either way.  I will die, or not, but you will not be burdened by my company any further.”  Thor said in a near monotone.  

Loki couldn’t have that, he needed Thor to come with him.  “What is this?  You had no problem following before.  Were you harboring some hope that I did not mean what I’ve been saying?  To know it was true means you wish to die alone now?  Because that is what will happen without my aid.”

“It is no longer your concern.”  Thor said with a shrug, and he turned to walk away.

Loki’s eyes widened as a sliver of panic seized him.  He had no leverage without Thor, he needed his bargaining chip.  “Do not turn your back on me.”  he snarled as he yanked Thor around by his upper arm, and Thor shrugged him off with a faint glare.

“What do you want, Loki?  You loathe me and wish me dead, and I have freed you from any obligation to keep me alive.  What more would you have of me?”  Thor snarled, well and truly angry now.  

“It is not for you to take back a request I have accepted.”  Loki tried.  “I am your king-”

“I tire of this game, and I tire of your malice, Loki.  Kill me, or leave me to go, but I will not humor you in this any longer.”

“Humor me?”  Loki’s eyes narrowed.  “I am the King of Asgard!”

”You are an angry child, lost in Jotunheim by your own hand!  Odin is king!  Enough, Loki!  What use is your spite if it leaves you dead?  Enough.”  

“How dare you!  I would have destroyed Jotunheim and all of these monsters!  You stopped me!  You destroyed the Bifrost!  You have ruined everything!”  

“You have never sought war before, why suddenly do wish to see all the frost giants dead?”  

“Because I am a true king!”  Loki shouted.  

Thor made a noise of irritation.  “You are king of nothing, Loki!  You have gone mad!”

Loki’s rage flared as he shoved at Thor, who winced but mostly stood his ground.  “You show your true colors.”

“And what colors are those?  I have spoken nothing false.”

“You think me mad!”

“What else am I to think?”  Thor roared back.  “In a matter of days you have become a stranger.  The Loki I knew was careful and cunning, he would not destroy a realm on a whim!”

“I have changed!”  

“Why?  Tell me why?”  Thor demanded.

And Loki almost did, it was on the tip of his tongue in the heat of the moment to tell Thor what his true heritage was.  That he was sired by Laufey of Jotunheim, that he was one of the frost giant monsters that Thor so longed to kill.  But he refrained, for so many reasons, he refrained.  “I owe you no explanations.”

Thor made another frustrated noise and shook his head.  “So be it.  Keep your secrets and your malice.”  he said as he made to walk away again.  

Loki grabbed his arm and pulled him back, and Thor turned to slam a fist into Loki’s face.   The younger man almost laughed, it held none of Thor’s force behind it.  He was tempted to return the favor but had seen how little force Thor’s form could take.  Instead he, with restrained force, hit his fist into Thor’s stomach and saw Thor double over with a wheeze as the air was knocked out of him.  

“You forget your place, Thor.”  he said coldly.  “I did not give you permission to leave.”

Thor looked up at him from his doubled over position and gritted out.  “What do you want of me?  Why keep me around if you wish me dead and loathe me?”

“I need not explain myself to you.”

Thor rose to meet Loki’s gaze.  “It is not about need.  If there is something wrong, Loki, I wish to help you.”

“You can ‘help’ me by accepting that you are in my custody until we return to Asgard.” he lied.

Thor’s eyes widened.  “You will come home with me?”

“Perhaps, if we find the right portal.  Which we might do sooner if you would stop wasting my time.”

Thor considered it, and he was very inclined to think that Loki was lying.  He couldn’t imagine Loki even wanting to go back to Asgard given that he’d let himself fall into the void to begin with, although perhaps time spent in Jotunheim had changed his mind.  But if he was lying, Thor couldn’t see why, since Loki could easily kill him or leave him and be done with it.  There was no point in bringing Thor along if he didn’t intend to take him along through a portal, was there?  

“Well?”  Loki snapped.

Thor considered his options, and if nothing else, it was probably true that he would shortly die without Loki’s assistance.  “Fine.”  

Loki didn’t realize he’d been tense about the situation until he felt a flicker of relief at the agreement.  “The place we entered from will be difficult to traverse…but we have no idea the length of the cave or what other creatures lurk there.  So it would be best to try to climb out.”

Thor looked between the two of them.  “Easier said than done.”

They were both injured, Loki’s arm still needed to heal, but he didn’t see a better option.  They didn’t have proper supplies to be wandering about the cave with either.  “Even so.”  he said as he took the lead and started to walk.  “It is the best option.”

Before long they’d reached the bottom of the place they slid from, and it seemed even slicker and darker.  The idea of groping his way upwards with his shoulder bitten through as it was sounded tedious and painful to Loki, but so did the idea of fumbling around the cave and running into another awful creature.

“If you need more time to let your shoulder heal-”

“-Worry about yourself.”  Loki interrupted, and Thor wondered why he even bothered as Loki braced himself and started up the tunnel.  It was steep and slick, mostly a mixture of rough ice and rock, and there was little to use to gain purchase.  A few feet into his attempt with Thor about to start behind him, Loki lost his grip and slipped down, only to catch himself a foot lower.  He made another attempt and had a similar result, and the second one put more pressure on his injured shoulder.  “Damn.”  he cursed.  

“We will have to look for a way out elsewhere.  That tunnel is too slick.”

Loki glared at him.  “And are you prepared to fight another spider?”

“You did not make it five feet up that tunnel, you think we will make it all the way?”

Loki peered up the dark tunnel, and remembered how long the fall had seemed.  If he kept making attempts that failed, he would wear himself out and possibly injure himself more, as would Thor.  But he didn’t relish the idea of getting further lost or stuck in the cave with barely anything resembling rations between them.  What an obnoxious situation to be in, and all because Thor had to go and get himself lured by some creature.  He wondered why he hadn’t heard the song that Thor claimed to hear, but there wasn’t time to dwell on it.  “We will walk the cave then and mark out trail.” he said as he summoned a dagger and put an X into the ice near one of the ‘doorways’ leading to other portions of the cave.  “Stay alert.”  Loki ordered and Thor nodded.

Thor had thought for a moment he might have been getting through to Loki, but it seemed more and more that Loki was beyond reason.  He couldn’t fathom why Loki had changed so much.  Loki was precise and meticulous, capable of cunning cruelty but not a physically violent individual generally.  The displays of emotion, the rage, the impulsive destruction, it seemed so unlike his brother.  Thor couldn’t make sense of it, or what if anything he might be able to do to bring him around from it.  Loki had said that the words spoken on his coronation day were a lie, and Thor had been certain that Loki was lying about it being a lie.  Now he was less sure, now he wondered if he had been tricked and if so, for how long?  How long had Loki been so angry and resentful, and why?

The pair began to walk the cave, Loki at the front with a dagger ready.  Thor didn’t relish letting Loki take the lead, his instinct was to protect his brother and that would generally mean going first.  But Thor couldn’t protect him as he was, and fighting with Loki or speaking of it would only further enrage him.  

His mind drifted back to what the false Thor had said about breaking his core.  The core of what, and how had he broken it?  If there something broken, could it be mended?  Thor could do much if his powers were restored.  Loki seemed to think that he’d used a power, but he couldn’t recall any such thing.  Thor focused and tried to feel a hint of his power, tried to call out for Mjolnir, but he couldn’t feel so much as a flicker.  He returned his gaze to Loki from behind as he considered what might happen if-when- they reached Asgard.  Did Loki mean to try to return to life as it was, would he give their father some lie about what had happened?  Or did he have another scheme concocted, would he try to their father, or Thor again?  Surely he would never hurt their mother.  Even Loki wouldn’t do that, would he?  But then, Thor hadn’t thought Loki was capable of the things he’d done already.  

Thor wanted his brother back, he wanted all of this mess behind him, he wanted to have made different decisions before this all happened but they were here now.  Loki could not be truly lost to him, could he?  Was it really to late to reach his brother and see them both home safely?  Thor truly, truly hoped not.

Chapter Text

The cave was cold, but it at least lacked the icy winds of Jotunheim’s surface.  Thor was able to get his bearings a bit, helped by the clothes that Loki had conjured for him.  Although he was tired, and although he kept alert for danger, his spare thoughts went to Loki as Thor tried to empathize with his brother’s situation.  What would it be like for Thor to suddenly find out he was not Odin and Frigga’s son, but a foundling?  Not the blood brother of Loki, but an adopted one?

The idea stung, and as he tried to reason why, he supposed it was because there was an idea inherent in having a blood connection to one’s family that it was important.  Bloodlines mattered, and to share blood with kin…it was a sacred thing.  And Thor supposed there were things he’d have to reconsider, traits that he considered as being from Odin or Frigga, similarities between he and Loki, that would not exist as traits of shared blood.  Thor could see the sting of it, and the idea that his ‘true’ parents had clearly left him to be found.  It would mean that his birth parents hadn’t wanted him, perhaps hadn’t cared about his fate.  Thor could see where that would hurt, especially for someone as sensitive as Loki.  His brother over the years had become increasingly sensitive to perceived rejections and slights, he could carry a grudge like a curse.  And although he couldn’t see why Loki chose the ways he did to try to be a ‘worthy son’ to Odin, Thor could understand wanting to prove oneself.  He was Odin’s blood son and the heir to the throne and Thor still struggled to feel he could meet his father’s exacting standards.  Loki seemed to be under the impression that things came easily for Thor, but that wasn’t the truth, not as much as Loki seemed to believe.

But that all aside, Thor couldn’t wrap his mind around the idea that he would find out such knowledge and then seek to kill his own brother.  He couldn’t imagine jumping into the void, or finding himself with a weakened Loki and becoming a monstrous version of himself and taking it out on Loki.

True, Thor had a legendary temper, and he did not rein it in as well as he always should.  There were times he regretted being so violent and angry, especially around his little brother.  But he would never seek to harm Loki, he loved his brother dearly.  Loki’s blood made no difference to him, he did not love his brother because of shared blood.  Thor loved Loki because he was Loki: because he had been a child himself when he first held the infant Loki in his arms and decided to cherish him.  Because they had grown up side-by-side as best friends and companions, often by themselves until their later years.  Loki could calm and amuse Thor as no one else, he seemed infinitely wise and Thor trusted Loki’s advice, and if Thor had a problem it was Loki that he ‘knew’ would have a solution.  Thor had enjoyed the role of big brother, he had enjoyed the end to his childish loneliness and having a little brother to care for.  Loki had been a needy child in some ways, but it suited Thor, who was already well used to ‘duty’ as a little prince of the realm.

Loki had grown more distant over the years, he seemed more withdrawn and prone to following silently or lurking around in the shadows, as it were.  Thor found it harder to get his brother to engage, and certainly harder to have Loki be as he used to be.  He wanted to be close to his brother, but he wasn’t sure how to connect and it was something he never used to have to think about.  Thor and Loki had been inseparable, they always laughed and smiled, and preferred each other’s company the most.  Of late, Loki smiled and laughed less, his jokes were sharper and felt more like mockery, he was harder to pull away from his books and spell-craft.  But Thor loved his brother no less, he thought the world of him, and he wished them to fight side-by-side till the end of their days.  

How had Loki gone from a clingy boy seeking hugs and reassurance to one who would revel in the knowledge that he’d killed his own brother?  How could Loki look Thor in the eye and say they weren’t, adopted or not?

The idea that they might return to Asgard and the animosity continue regardless of what else happened ate at him.  Thor wanted his brother back, and he didn’t know what to do or say to make it so.  

Thor wasn’t sure how long they’d walked before Loki held up a hand to signal that they should stop and rest, and he pulled the water pouch from his side and offered it to his brother.  Loki accepted a quick drink without a word before he sat against a wall and Thor chanced to sit about a foot away.  “How is your arm?”

“I am in no mood for conversation.”  Loki said, and Thor didn’t press the issue, merely sighed to himself as he closed his eyes a moment and tried to soothe the ache of his head.  Mortality was painful and exhausting, and there could not be a worse time for it.

--

Loki’s mind ran the gamut of all that had happened and might yet happen still.  Only days ago he had been a prince of Asgard, albeit the ‘lesser’ one.  And now he knew he was a frost giant foundling, now he was in Jotunheim with his false brother, and scheming to take a throne with Thor’s life as ransom.  Well, what else could he do?  Loki would not come grovelling back to Asgard to continue with the lie, he would not give perfect, witless Thor the obedient sorcerous pet that Odin seemed to wish for his true son.  

That isn’t what Thor wants you to be.  Loki’s traitorous mind supplied and he cursed to himself.  He had felt so secure in ordering Thor’s death by the Destroyer, he would hide the evidence of his crimes, eliminate his competition, and get revenge for all the slights Thor had paid him.  Whatever Thor had been in their childhood, he was that no more.  Thor was a brute, prone to violence and a quick temper, foolish and reckless, entitled and demanding, and utterly unfit to rule.  He did not value Loki, he surely did not love Loki, and all of Thor’s softness was pretense.

Thor is no liar, he lacks the art of guile.   Loki’s mind seemed suddenly determined to play devil’s advocate to his not-brother’s cause and it irked him.  Thor had not changed, and certainly not after a brief stint of mortality on Midgard.  Centuries of unworthiness could not be washed away by a single ‘selfless’ deed, if that’s what it was.  Thor had probably thought offering his submission would get Loki to show mercy, that was all.  He hadn’t truly been thinking Loki would kill him, Thor hadn’t thought his submission would cost his life in earnest.

But what if he had thought that?  What if Thor was truly a man who would kneel to his vengeful brother, kneel mortal before a powerful tool of destruction, and offer his life in hopes of sparing others?  Would such a man really be the one that Loki thought so poor and unworthy?  Was the Thor of his childhood still alive in the wretched Thor whose coronation he’d ruined?

--

Loki slumped against a tree and sat with knees pulled up to his chest and his head resting on his arms.  He had not sparred well that day, he had felt ill since the night before and not wanted to say so.  Loki had attended his combat training and he’d seen the judgement in the tutor’s eyes, and in the ones helping with the training.  He had only been learning combat arts for a couple of years, having just reached the age a child-prince would starting learning such things.  But he knew that he was seen as soft, he knew that there were those who whispered about his magic.  Loki wasn’t like his father and brother, who had a knack for fighting and strength.  He put his head into his arms as a wave of nausea slid over him, and he was regretful that he hadn’t tried to make it to his bed.

“Loki?”  

Loki’s head tilted up at Thor’s voice, and he saw his brother approaching with a look of concern.  He instinctively wanted to reach for his big brother, Thor always made things better.  He never laughed at Loki, he encouraged his magic, and reassured Loki that he was going to be as strong and brave as any warrior.  “Brother.”  Loki replied as Thor approached and crouched down next to him.

“What is wrong, brother?  You look unwell.”  Thor moved his hand to Loki’s head where he brushed his brother’s hair back and felt his forehead.  Loki never had fevers, but it seemed the natural thing to check.  

Loki leaned into his brother’s warm hand a bit and found it soothing.  “I feel sick.”  he admitted.  Thor had made it plain all their lives that Loki could come to him for anything, he never mocked Loki even when Loki needed Thor’s comfort from nightmares or for ‘silly’ fears.  

Thor frowned at that.  “I will see you to your bed then, would you have me call for a healer too?”  he asked as he rose and offered Loki a hand.

Loki let his brother pull him up and he shook his head.  “I need no healer-” he tilted a bit as a wave of nausea came over him again, and Thor caught him with a look of increased concern.

Thor promptly slipped Loki’s arm around his shoulders and his other arm under Loki’s thighs as he hefted his brother up into his arms.  Although Thor was young himself, he was excessively strong for a child, and carried Loki easily.

“Brother.”  Loki gave a light protest and Thor hushed him, so Loki gave in and leaned his head against Thor’s chest.  

“Next time you feel sick, stay in bed, I will handle your tutors and such for you.”  Thor advised.  

“I do not wish to be weak.”  Loki mumbled.  “I should not miss lessons.”

Thor snorted as he shook his head and gave his brother a fond, slightly exasperated smile.  “Loki, only you would think it a bad thing to miss lessons when you have the chance.  There is no weakness in knowing when to rest, little brother.”

Thor brought Loki to his room and laid him in his bed, where he slipped the covers over Loki by throwing them over Loki entirely.

Loki laughed as he pulled them back down, and Thor poured Loki water from a pitcher by his bed.  He slipped in next to Loki and made him drink it, before he set his hand in Loki’s hair and lightly ran his fingers over Loki’s scalp soothingly.  “Sleep, brother.”  Thor said tenderly.  “I will rest with you awhile and see how you fare.”

“You cannot rest like that.”  Loki mumbled as his eyes grew lidded.  His brother’s gesture relaxed him, and it was comfortable to lie down.  

Thor chuckled as he scooted into a laying position, though he turned on his side to keep running his fingers through Loki’s hair.

Loki moved closer, so his shoulder was against Thor’s chest, and Thor moved to rubbing his hand up and down Loki’s back soothingly with his arm over his brother.  “Mm.”

”Mm?”  Thor repeated, amused, not sure what his brother meant to convey.

“Sleep, brother.”  Loki mumbled Thor’s words back to him and Thor restrained a laugh as his face broke out into an amused expression.  

“Very well, brother.”  Thor chuckled softly as he pressed a kiss to the crown of Loki’s head, and his little brother seemed to relax completely.  He looked at Loki’s already half-sleeping face with a warm smile before he let himself drift off as well.

--

If Thor were still the Thor of then…would it have made a difference?  Would anything have changed from learning his true parentage?  

Loki watched Thor from his periphery as Thor closed his eyes against the wall.  Part of him thrilled to see Thor so weak and helpless, part of him was ecstatic at the opportunity to trick and further harm his wretched fool of a not-brother.  But part of him, an increasingly large part, felt unease at Thor’s weakness.  He had always known Thor to be impossibly strong, even when he and Thor weren’t very close, Thor’s strength felt like a safety blanket because Thor would protect him no matter what when his life was on the line.  Now…Thor was so weak that a blow to the face made him bleed and fall.  He was fragile, easily broken, easily taken, and Loki didn’t like the thought.  Which didn’t make sense, because he had just been completely assured of his decision to execute Thor.  It had to be because his plans were riding on using Thor as ransom, that was all it was.  He certainly wasn’t moved by Thor’s sentimental nonsense…or his apparent steadfast loyalty to a ‘brother’ who shared no blood, expressed pleasure at killing him, and had been nothing but cruel since they’d fallen to Jotunheim.  

Thor’s love, if it existed, didn’t move him at all…

All the same, he found himself watching the rise and fall of Thor’s chest with a strange sense of anxiety that he might at any moment stop breathing.  

There was a faint rustling noise and Loki whipped his head sideways as he squinted into the dim light created by the glowing moss, and saw a few scattered…plants?  They seemed to be almost like flowers, but they had a withered appearance with long petals if they could be called that.  The middle of the ‘flower’ had thin tendrils that as Loki looked closer seemed to wriggle slightly.  His brow furrowed at the oddity of it, before two of the things suddenly blasted a little shower of spores.  Loki had inhaled a good chunk of them as he’d been breathing in at the time, and he coughed at the sharp, scratchy feeling that came over his throat.

“Loki?”  Thor’s voice was concerned and Loki tried to clear his throat as he rose and staggered away from the plants.  

“Get up, avoid those…flowers.”  Loki pointed as he coughed and rubbed at his nose which also stung a bit.

Thor rose even as he peered at the plants Loki spoke of, and saw what appeared to be dead plants that faintly wriggled.  “What in the Hel?”  he muttered before he looked to Loki.  “What is wrong?”

“I breathed in spores, it should be nothing.”  he said dismissively as he tried to clear his throat again, and he noticed that the light from the glow moss seemed to have taken on a glimmering, almost violet hue.  Loki blinked and the sight didn’t clear, and he looked to Thor who seemed outlined in a faint haze.  

Thor watched as Loki peered around, and noticed that his brother’s pupils seemed heavily dilated but that was to be expected in a dark cave.  Still, Loki wore a strange expression and he stepped closer as Loki squinted.  “Loki?”

Loki felt a spinning sensation as the moss seemed to be almost painfully bright a moment, and he heard Thor’s voice as though slow and underwater.  He took what he thought was a step towards Thor, but found himself on the ground instead as Thor tried to catch him and went down with him.  

“Loki!”  

“Shh…loud.”  Loki muttered as he rubbed his eyes on his sleeve and tried to clear his head which felt increasingly heavy.  He tried to stand but he seemed to have aimed his arms poorly because he tilted sideways and Thor caught him again.  “Dizzy.”  he mumbled.

“Shit.”  Thor cursed as he peered into his brother’s face.  “Loki, do you know that plant?  Is it poisonous?”

“I do not.”  Loki replied.  “If it is poisonous…then I am in trouble.”  he said, and then giggled slightly to Thor’s increased worry and alarm.

Thor looked from the way they’d come to the way forward as he debated what to do.  He leaned Loki against the side of the wall after he’d ensured none of the strange plants were near him.  Loki started to tilt and Thor kept him upright with a hand on his shoulder.  “Do you feel pain?  Is it harming you?”  Other than making his brother seem disoriented.

“I feel fine.  The moss is getting brighter.”  Loki said, in an almost curious tone as he gazed at it.  “It is purple now.”  he informed Thor who inhaled sharply.  He glanced back at Thor as he said somewhat thoughtfully.  “We should get out of the cave.”  his speech was clearer in so far as he wasn’t mumbling, but Thor could tell Loki was not right-minded.  

“I know, brother.”  Thor muttered as he glanced around again.  “I cannot carry you as I am now, can you walk with aid?”

“Let us see.”  Loki said, almost cheerfully as he tried again to stand, but he found that nothing happened and Thor stared at him with a furrowed brow.  He pushed his finger against Thor’s brow.  “Always such a grumpy expression.”  he muttered.

Thor cursed again before he considered his options.  “Perhaps I should try to search ahead, to see if I find an end or an exit-”

“You mean to leave me?”  Loki sounded alarmed suddenly, and his hand came up to grip Thor’s forearm.  

“No, I would come back when-”

“-Brother, you cannot leave me.”  Loki’s voice suddenly sounded almost desperate as his grip tightened.  “Thor, please.”  

Thor was dumbfounded as he stared at his brother’s glassy-eyed, pleading face.  He didn’t reply quick enough apparently before Loki’s expression crumpled.

“You hate me now.  Because we are not brothers.  You would leave me behind again.  Like you always have.”

“What?”  Thor breathed, confused by the turn of events and Loki’s words.  Loki’s eyes looked wet then and Thor wasn’t sure if he was about to cry or if it was a product of the strange confusion his brother was under.  Thor’s hand came up to cup the side of Loki’s neck in their gesture of affection as he met his brother’s unfocused gaze.  “I do not hate you, brother, I never could.  And we are brothers, and will be so always.  I will not leave you.”  he promised.  

“You always do.”  Loki whispered.

Thor didn’t know what to make of that but his heart hurt at the slightly broken look Loki gave him.  He brushed his thumb against Loki’s neck.  “If I have done so, I am truly sorry for it, brother.  I am sorry for any pain I have ever caused you, I have never wished to.”

“Then why?”  Loki mumbled again, with something that sounded like a sniff.  

“Perhaps I am the fool you say I am.”

“That much is obvious.”  Loki muttered as he blinked rapidly and then shook his head as if to clear something, but he was still visibly out of it.  And then he stilled as he seemed to hear something and he squinted in the direction they’d been headed before.  “I hear a beast’s cry.”  

Thor heard nothing, but he had only mortal hearing to go on.  Was his brother genuinely hearing something or was he confused?  But if he was hearing a creature…then an exit might be close by.  “We may be near a way out, Loki.”  he started to rise and Loki gripped his arm and kept him low.  

“You said you would not leave me.”  Loki started desperately.  “Thor, brother, please.”

Thor was reminded of the Bifrost, where after shouting that they were never brothers, Loki had put on a face and said ‘brother, please’ to trick Thor before he tried again to harm him.  Loki had claimed he was glad for Thor’s death, he had been nothing but cruel since the start of the mess, he had tricked Thor intentionally to ruin his coronation and make him look unworthy.  But the fact remained that Thor had been unworthy, and though Mjolnir had seen fit to declare him otherwise, Thor still felt he had much to make up for and improvements needed.  “I am not leaving you, brother.  I mean to try to help you walk, we must leave this cave.”

Loki hesitated and then seemed to try to stand again, and Thor ignored the pain in his rib as he bent to slip Loki’s arm around his shoulder and try to haul him up.  “I swear you have gotten heavier.”  he said through clenched teeth as he pulled.

“How dare you.”  Loki grumbled.  “You are weaker, only that.”  Thor looked fuzzy still, and his mind was clouded.  His words came out of him but not exactly from him, he didn’t think much about them, he just said what came to him first.  Loki was too groggy to think, it was fine, his big brother would look after him as always.

Thor managed a sort of chuckle, and Loki managed to stagger to his feet where he leaned too heavily on Thor who nearly fell back.

Loki felt Thor’s instability and huffed.  “Do not fall.”  he advised.

“I shall try not to.”  Thor muttered, half-amused despite himself, and between them they managed to get Loki relatively upright and not leaning too heavily on Thor.  

Another ten minutes of the slow-pace of the brothers passed, before a faint glimmer of dim light became visible.

“An exit!”  Loki declared.  “I have found our way out.”  

“So you did.”  Thor humored him with a tense mutter.  That Loki’s weight was lessened enough to allow them to walk didn’t mean that it wasn’t a struggle for him as an ‘injured mortal’, and his rib was throbbing as with several other wounds.  They breached the cave into the icy lands of Jotunheim, and Loki promptly gave up on standing as he collapsed and brought Thor down with him.  

The abrupt slam into the ground caused Thor to make a loud, pained noise and Loki squinted at him with concern.  His brother was mortal weak, he kept forgetting, or did he keep remembering?  Whichever, Thor looked terrible.  “You look terrible.”  he said.  Perhaps he shouldn’t have said that.  Thor clutched his side and Loki vaguely recalled he’d been hurt there.  Hadn’t Loki also kicked him there?  Why had he done that?  

“Brother?”  Loki brought his hand to Thor’s face as he ran his long fingers up through Thor’s hair before he pitched forward against his brother in a slump.  

The half-carry through the tunnels had increased Thor’s pain and weariness, as had the jerk to the ground, and he did his best to hold Loki as his brother fell against him.  Loki kept calling him brother and he tried not to get his hopes up, Loki would probably be angry and blame Thor for this all later anyway.

“Why do you say we are brothers?”  Loki asked.  “You know it is not true.”  he ran his fingers over the material of Thor’s shirt, fascinated by the way the threads wove together.  “You do not wish me for a brother.”

Thor heard his brother’s words as Loki played with his shirt, and he sighed as he nudged Loki’s head up with his hand so that Loki would look at him.  “I would not trade you for anything, Loki.  I am your brother, as you are mine, it is a fact that cannot be changed.”

Loki blinked at him before he smiled, and it hurt Thor’s heart and made it thump with longing for things to be as they were between the brothers.  “I am glad you are not dead.”

Thor hesitated at that before he said lightly.  “I am…glad to hear it.”

Loki promptly leaned forward and laid his head against Thor’s chest near his collar bone, while one of his arms slid around Thor’s waist.  “We will sleep now.”

“We cannot both sleep-”

“You are not sleepy?  I will help you.”  Loki declared ‘helpfully’ as he sent a wave of magic into Thor to create the illusion to his mind that he was terribly sleepy.  

Thor had been subject to such magic before and he tried to object quickly.  “Brother, we are in the open, we…we…”  his eyes started to close.  “Loki, take your magic…back…”  his eyes closed as he slumped back, and Loki grabbed behind Thor’s head to keep his tired big brother from hitting his head.

Loki smiled at his sleeping brother, glad to help him.  He had looked so tired.  Loki was tired too, it was good that they would rest.   He glanced up at the sky where the stars gleamed, and they looked like twisting balls of fire.  Perhaps they danced for the Odinsons, was that not fitting?  Jotunheim looked less ugly, with it’s shining ice and vast whiteness.  Loki looked back at Thor, so pale and mortal, so weak, and he stroked his hair again.  “Do not worry, brother.”  he murmured.  “I have you, I will take care of you.”  Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad that Thor was so weak, now Loki could watch over his brother for a change.  Thor was so stubborn, but now he had to listen to Loki, he couldn’t fight Loki anymore.  Loki chuckled at the thought, they would surely laugh about this all later…as soon as he’d taken a quick nap.  He was so very tired, and he laid down curled up against his brother as he went to sleep.

--

Loki awoke with a sharp pain in his head as he scrunched his face and tried to understand his situation.  He pulled upright only to realize he was against…his brother?  Not-brother.  Thor was sleep, and Loki was lying practically on him, and they were…out in the open!  He shook his brother angrily and Thor didn’t stir, and his mind began to recall what had taken place.  The strange plant, the changes in his vision…and oh, the things he had said and done.  

The things Thor had said and done.

“I do not hate you, brother, I never could.  And we are brothers, and will be so always.  I will not leave you.”

“I would not trade you for anything, Loki.  I am your brother, as you are mine, it is a fact that cannot be changed.”

Thor had no reason to say those things to Loki while he was out of it, and there was only sincerity in his tone as he spoke brotherly sentiments and apologized.  As he humored Loki and struggled to carry him despite his own pain and weakness.  

“You really are a fool, brother…”  Loki whispered, while Thor was still not awake to hear.  He brushed his fingertips over Thor’s cheek.  Why did their lack of shared blood not seem to matter to Thor?  Why was he being kind and patient even in the face of Loki’s ‘venom’, as Thor had called it?  Why was Thor acting so outside of his expectations?

Why did…Loki want it to be true?

Why did the knowledge that he’d killed his…his brother?  Fill him with such increasing displeasure and guilt, despite what he’d said about being pleased about it.  What if it was true that Thor had changed, or that he hadn’t been so bad to start with?  Did Thor really deserve what Loki was doing to him?  Would Thor truly turn from him if he knew the full truth?  And if he didn’t, what then?  They still had no way ‘home’, and Loki was still a foundling, he couldn’t go back to Asgard…could he?  How could Thor stand to name him brother after what Loki had done?  Or Odin and Frigga call him ‘son’?

Loki tried to summon back the full extent of his rage.  He reminded himself of the slights and injuries Thor had done him, he reminded himself of his aching loneliness, his feelings of worthlessness, of living in the shadow of Thor’s ‘greatness’.  

But it felt less sharp and more hollow.  Loki felt less certainty about his vindication, he felt less justified, and he felt less like he had ever truly wanted to hurt Thor at all.

What was he supposed to do?  What did he want to do?

Loki sent magic into Thor to remove the magic he’d sent to make Thor sleep, and he pulled away to a standing position as Thor came to.  He saw Thor look at him with confusion before he sat with a start and looked around.  “Were we found-”

“-No.”  Loki cut him off before he held out a hand to help Thor up.  He saw Thor stare at it for a second, and realized the last time he’d helped Thor up, it had been to shove him against a wall and mock him.  Loki said nothing but tilted his hand in a gesture of ‘come on’, and Thor slipped his hand into Loki’s.  He was accustomed to Thor’s unnatural warmth, so the level of cold he felt from his…brother?  Not brother?  Gods, it was a mess.  Either way, the cold was alarming.  “Do you feel well enough to continue, or do you need further rest?”  he asked, his tone business-like and curt as he helped Thor up and quickly released his hand.

Loki hated Thor, he knew he did, didn’t he?  He was furious with Thor, loathed him really, he wanted revenge, he wanted Thor to suffer, to know his place- Thor looked wan, and Loki wasn’t sure he’d ever seen his brother-Thor-look so unlike himself.  He seemed almost smaller somehow, diminished, and a strange feeling of protectiveness flickered in him.  Thor was truly helpless, he could not defend himself, he could not survive the cold without Loki’s magic, he was no longer the Mighty Thor or the Golden Prince of Asgard.  He was weak and fragile, and Loki had done it to him one way or the other.  

But that was a good thing, wasn’t it?  

“I am fine.”  Thor sounded worn.  “Are you…well?  The plant…”  he hesitated.

“It has worn off.”  Loki supplied as he eyed Thor, and noted the flicker of relief in his face.  How did Thor still have time or will to worry about Loki after everything?  Was he going to ask about what Loki had said, hold it over him?

Thor offered Loki water, he accepted, and afterwards Thor drank a bit as well.  Loki found himself analyzing even that small gesture, that Thor had Loki drink first.  “Thor…”

Thor’s tired, blue eyes seem to bore into Loki as they looked at each other.  

“We have been in one spot too long.”  Loki finished, regardless of whatever strange flight of fancy had tempted him to say something else.  “We must go.”  

“Alright.”  Thor said, and Loki wasn’t sure if it was disappointment he saw in Thor’s expression for a second before Thor wore a neutral expression again.  

Loki slowed his pace to match Thor’s as they walked, rather than letting Thor lag behind.  He told himself that it was to ensure Thor didn’t wander off again.  And he told himself that it mattered only because he meant to use Thor to bargain in the Jotunheim court.  That was all, he certainly didn’t care about Thor, he hadn’t changed his mind, they weren’t…they weren’t really…

Loki tried to say they weren’t brothers with the same conviction as before, but found he struggled to want to do so.  He was perturbed by the development.  If he and Thor were brothers…if Loki had done what he’d done to his own brother, a brother who…perhaps did love him…and wasn’t so horrible as Loki had convinced himself he was…what did that make Loki?  And what would make things right?  

Loki still had questions he wanted answered about Thor’s apparition in the cave, and he let himself focus on his goals and his curiosity instead of ruminating over uncomfortable possibilities.  He resolved that the next time they stopped, he would make Thor explain about his opponent.

Chapter Text

Loki had always run colder than other Asgardians, while Thor ran hotter, but now in Jotunheim there was a clear difference.  He hardly felt the cold despite his aesir glamour, and he wouldn’t have thought twice about being so unaffected by the cold except that this was Jotunheim.  The cold of this realm would freeze a mortal quickly, even an Asgardian might succumb over time.  But Loki was almost comfortable, the greater discomfort was in having to acknowledge the difference.  He was ‘almost comfortable’ physically because on the inside he was a frost a giant.  Loki was a monster, and just the thought was enough to tempt him anew to tell Thor ‘what’ he was.  He was the God of Mischief, and he thrilled to challenge and test others.  What better test and challenge than to put Thor’s brotherly declarations to the test.  ‘I am a frost giant, Thor, the son of Laufey, your father’s greatest enemy.  Do you love me now, ‘brother’.’

Thor, who had spoken fiercely of killing the Jotnar from a child’s age, who reveled in combat, who had been so eager to go to Jotunheim and ‘slay the monsters’.  And yet, in the Bifrost Gate room, Thor had tried to stop him.  He had clearly been jealous that Loki was about to do in an instant what he had so failed to do with his wretched hammer.

Or perhaps not?

Loki glanced at Thor with his peripheral vision.  His brother’s movements were decidedly sluggish, he still looked entirely too pale, and his breathing was heavy.  Loki could hear his faint panting, that was how weak Thor had become.  The thought made part of him want to lash out, to grab him by the throat and crush Thor there and then.  The Mighty Thor, so weak, so pathetic, after centuries of being so arrogant and accustomed to power.  

Brother, however I have wronged you, whatever I have done that has led you to do this, I am truly sorry. But these people are innocent, taking their lives will gain you nothing. So take mine, and end this.

Loki had imagined his brother kneeling before him many times, of course he had.  He wanted to make his proud, entitled brother submit to him, to acknowledge Loki as his equal or better.  But he had imagined the submission either with Thor being bitterly angry and chained, forced into it.  Or so utterly broken and defeated that he simply offered himself up.  

A Thor, humble and proud simultaneously, offering his strange attempt at empathy and martyring himself for mortals…it was not what he’d envisioned or wanted though he’d taken Thor up on his offer.

Thor should have been angry, and foolishly tried to fight till the end.  So why submit, and why make such a sincere-sounding apology?  Loki must have had it right the first time when he thought that Thor hoped to soften Loki…that had to be it, surely…

‘However I have wronged you’.  Centuries of letting Loki exist in his shadow, or more accurately as his shadow.  They stood before the Jotnar on Jotunheim and Thor had snapped ‘know your place, brother’.  He had made a mockery of what was supposed to be an ‘endearment’ by attaching it to such a demeaning few words.  Loki’s place, to be silent unless Thor needed him, to be useful when Thor wanted him, to laugh at Thor’s terrible jokes and marvel at his so-called feats.  Loki had tried to speak to Heimdall on the Bifrost and Thor had snapped ‘enough’ over him, and Loki was expected to be silent.  Expected to obey.  But now Thor was the one who would have to listen: to obey, or be silent, and serve Loki’s purposes.  The thoughts made a bit of his rage flare anew, though still less hot than it had been to his irritation.  The fact that Thor had no idea, as if he didn’t even realize what he’d been doing to Loki, lording his status and power over Loki…

But what if he does not realize?  What if he does not know?

Loki heard lumbering footsteps in the distance but approaching, and he had been aware of the possibility.  The nearer to what remained of the frost giant’s ‘city’, the more they would see.  Loki quickly snatched Thor’s arm as he tugged them down behind a rock and shielded them as he hissed.  “Be silent.”

Thor’s brow furrowed but he complied, and Loki tried not to think about how unnaturally cold Thor felt or the slight tremble in his form.  He had told Thor to tell him if he needed rest, but should he have been surprised that he hadn’t?  

A frost giant came into view, Loki and Thor tensed, and they watched in shielded silence until long after it had passed.  When he was satisfied it was gone, Loki turned his attention to Thor with a frown.  “You are trembling, you do realize if you collapse, I will leave you.”

“You have made as much clear.”  Thor muttered.  “It is only the cold.”

Loki doubted that, but all the same he put his hand to the side of Thor’s face as he sent a warming rush of magic through him.  Thor looked slightly startled but then relieved as warmth crept over him for the moment.  

“Thank you.”  Thor murmured, and Loki did not acknowledge it, but he did not make a snide remark either.  

Loki rose and pulled Thor up with him.  “We will walk a little farther while looking for a shelter.  I will leave you to hunt again.”  he noted that Thor’s face scrunched a bit, clearly he didn’t care for the idea, but he knew well enough now it seemed not to argue.

That was a pleasant change.  

Before long, they had found a suitable batch of rocks.  There was no ‘roof’ this time, it wasn’t great, but it was doable and kept them hidden from view unless one came to the side of the rocks.  Loki took longer hunting than intended, and when he came back which two such creatures as they’d eaten before, Thor looked visibly relieved to see him.  He wasn’t accustomed to that kind of reception from Thor.  

“All well?”  Thor asked as he glanced over Loki as if to see if he were injured.

Loki shot him a faint sneer.  “I am a god, of course I am well.”  he said, to drive their difference in power home.  But Thor didn’t look angry, merely tired, and to see so little fight in him put an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach.  Loki made a small fire and did his best to disguise any smoke from it as he cooked the little creatures.  

He waited until the food was cooked and they had started eating to broach the subject of the apparition.  “Explain what you faced in the cave, the you that was not you.”  there was a sarcastic edge to his tone as he stared into the fire before he flicked his gaze up to Thor.

Thor looked surprised and uncomfortable with the question.  “I have told you, you would not understand…”

“Doubtful, given that I am not the fool between us.”  Loki said pointedly.  “But go on then, explain.  I will try to understand.”  he drawled, in a tone that suggested he thought it would be foolish nonsense.  

Thor sighed.  “Why do you even care, Loki?  To satisfy your curiosity?  It is not worth speaking of.”

“It is not for you to decide what is worth speaking of, I am your kin-”

Thor’s eyes narrowed.  “-I have told you I will not play that game with you any longer, Loki.  Our father-”

“-Your father.”  Loki snapped.  

“He is our father, whether you like it or not.”  Thor said evenly, even as Loki’s hands clenched with anger.  

“He is no father of mine, as you are no brother.”  Loki snarled.

“And what of Mother?”  Thor asked knowingly.

Loki faltered slightly at that and then glared.  “She-”  he hesitated, and Thor saw it, and it infuriated Loki that he thought himself clever with that little bit.  “Is not…she is not my mother.”  and to say the words pained him.  Thor frowned, and Loki wanted to strike Thor for leading him to have to say so.  

“Is blood so important to you?”  Thor asked.

Loki scoffed.  “Blood means everything, you know that perfectly well, Odinson.”  he said the name like it was an insult and Thor scowled slightly.  

“I know that it means nothing to me.  I do not call you brother because of blood, you are my brother because you are Loki, and we have been brothers all of our lives.  Hate me if you wish, it changes nothing.”

Loki clenched his teeth at Thor’s seemingly self-righteous tone.  “Oh, yes, you are so noble, so good.  To claim one not your own, to pity a foundling.”  he spat.

Thor sighed with irritation as his own tone started to grow a bit angry.  He was tired and pained, and had no patience for Loki’s mad rambles.  “If you think it pity, you do not know me as well as you believe you do.”

“Ha!”  Loki scoffed again before he fixed Thor with a mocking smile.  “Very well, so tell me, tell me of what you say in the cave and the things it said.”

“You wish to know me better?”  Thor asked, with a faintly challenging tone, twisting Loki’s intent.  

“I wish to prove you for a liar.”  Loki retorted.  “You claim it was not you, when so clearly it was.”

Thor gave a mirthless chuckle as he took another bite of food and considered his answer.  “I told you, it was the ‘Golden Prince of Asgard’.”

“Exactly.”  The fool, what was he even trying to say?

“I am Thor.”

Loki stared, dumbfounded, and wondering if Thor’s wits were so addled now that he thought himself different based on the name.  Was that what he was trying to say?  “You do understand the Golden Prince is a title, yes?  You are not so far gone that you think yourself a separate person?”

Thor rubbed a hand over his face with an irritated noise.  “We are separate.  You…Loki, leave it be.  Enough.”

“It is enough when I say it is!”  Loki snapped again.

Thor marveled at the reversal of roles between them.  He should be the one between them who could not stop from raising his voice, it was Thor who had the famously fierce temper.  But here was Loki, snapping, snarling, and scoffing like a child in a tantrum.  What had so changed his brother, how had Loki gone from cool, collected, and wise to this?  “Have I done this to you, brother?  Truly?  All of this anger, is it born from me somehow?”

Loki seemed taken aback by the question and his brow furrowed slightly before he looked away.  “I was born with rage, you but helped to stoke it.”

“I remember differently.  I remember a boy who was sweet and kind, who came to me to soothe his nightmares, who laughed easily-”

Loki stood abruptly as he glared down at Thor.  “You try my patience, Odinson.”

Thor frowned up at him and then shook his head.  “What is you want?  What would satisfy you?”

“Nothing!  Satisfaction is not in my nature!”

Thor stared a few seconds before he said.  “Surrender is not in mine, I will not accept you as less than my brother.”

Loki seethed, even as some traitorous part of him lifted a bit at the words.  Thor was ‘fighting’ for him, for their ‘brotherhood’, and it should not matter, and it did not matter, and yet…it made him want things to be different.  It made him want-

“You think us brothers still.”  Loki said, voice deceptively soft though they both knew it for a lie, and he sat down next to Thor with a thin smile.  “So tell me, brother, about the creature in the cave.  I will listen.”  

Thor looked suddenly angry and Loki couldn’t understand why until he spoke.  “Do not call me brother only to mock me.  That I will not abide.”

“And what can you do about it?”  Loki challenged.  “Mortal weak, relying on me for survival, tell me, brother, what can you do?”

Thor had clenched his fists and at that, he shoved at Loki abruptly and Loki pushed at Thor in turn.  The pair ended up on the ground in a sort of fast grapple, but it quickly turned to Loki’s favor given that Thor had neither the power nor the health to resist.  Loki straddled Thor’s waist as he pinned his arms above his head.  “Come, brother.”  he taunted.  “Show me how powerful you are.  Put me in my place, brother.  As you so love to do.  What is wrong?  Is this not fun for you?  As many times as you have done it to me.  Forced me into sparring just to slam me to the ground, just to pin me and crow about it like an accomplishment.  A brute with a hammer and misplaced strength.  That is all you are.”

Thor gritted his teeth as he tried to tug his arms away to no avail, and Loki smirked above him.  Loki’s words surprised him, was that how he saw their sparring?  Was that truly how he saw Thor?  “Do not call me that unless you mean it.”  he said stubbornly.

“Or what?”  Loki bared his teeth a little in a patronizing grin.  “You cannot even take your wrists back.”  he clamped down on them harder, pleased when Thor winced with pain.  “Poor, fragile little mortal.”  he crooned.  “So easily broken.  I could snap your wrists right now, they would not heal for ages if at all.  Mortals are not built for that sort of thing.”

“Does this please you to do?”  Thor snapped.  

“Oh, absolutely.  To see you beneath me where you belong, oh, I thrill to see it.”  Loki drawled, his voice acidic.  

Thor began to struggle again and Loki watched with amusement as it did nothing but get his brother looking more tired.   Loki calmly slipped Thor’s wrist to his other hand, to hold both wrists tightly with one hand, as he brought his other hand to Thor’s injured rib.  He gave a sharp press to it and heard Thor make a pained yelp in the back of his throat, and Loki did it once more using a bit of fingernail the second time.  Thor’s breathing had gotten heavier and his face was scrunched into a grimace.  “Agree to speak, to answer whatever I ask.”  Loki ordered.

“No.”  Thor growled, and Loki’s hand slipped to Thor’s throat where he began to squeeze lightly.  

Thor looked surprised, which Loki found laughable given all else that he had done, and he applied a little more pressure and watched as Thor winced.  

Thor tried to tug his hands away, but a mortal’s strength couldn’t compare to a god’s, and Thor was well and truly trapped.  “Yield, agree to tell me what I wish to know.”  Loki ordered.

“Perhaps to my brother.”  Thor said through clenched teeth.  “If you see him, let me know.”

Loki frowned and released Thor with a huff, and he noted faint bruises already forming on Thor’s throats.  By the Norns, just from that?  

For a moment, blue and green eyes stared at each other before Loki tried a different tactic.  He composed his tone and expression into one begrudgingly thoughtful.  “And if I agreed we were brothers, you would tell me then?”

“You think me that much a fool?  You will say we are not brothers again as soon as I told you what you wanted.

Well, he wasn’t wrong in that.  “Why is it such a secret?”  Loki asked, now determined to find the answer on principle.  Thor was relatively candid, especially with Loki, so what could the great oaf possibly have to hide?

Thor hesitated and then shook his head.  “There are things better left unspoken.”

Loki clicked his tongue irritably as he released Thor’s wrists roughly and rose.  “I could pull your memories, you know.  I could take the knowledge anyway.”

“Are you going to?”  Thor asked.

“I would rather you told me yourself.”  A small admission, and actually true, for whatever reason it was so.  

Thor blinked at that, and Loki bent to grip Thor’s shoulder and pull him back into a sitting position before he took a seat next to Thor again.  

Thor and Loki stared into the small fire for what may have been seconds or minutes, and finally Thor said.  “I have never spoken of any of it, not with a single soul.”  

Loki was surprised at the words and the meaning.  This was a true secret then, not even Sif and the Warriors Three, or Frigga and Odin, had heard of it.  That made him all the more curious and determined to hear it, all the more intrigued by what Odin’s golden son deemed such a necessary thing to hide.  “Who better to tell than a brother?”  Loki said coaxingly.  The look that Thor gave him for the statement was so sad it took Loki aback, the hurt easily read in his brother’s tired, blue eyes.  

“Do I sit with my brother, or with my king?”  Thor asked, a clear point there.  

Loki could be cutting and cruel, and he could pull the memories from Thor.  But he found the will to do so lacking, and he thought of the injured Thor who had treated him with kindness and love in the cave despite all Loki had done.  Was it supposed to be so difficult to stay angry with Thor?  Hadn’t he been enraged with his brother for years?  Why would he soften now?  

“Let us say that while this fire burns, we are brothers.  I will not speak of after.”  Loki decided, and Thor sighed heavily as he considered that.  

“You may hate me more if I speak of it.”  Thor said quietly.  

If he hadn’t been intrigued already, he was practically desperate to hear this all now.  What was the fool going on about?

“I do not think that will be a problem.”  he said, a bit snidely, the implication being that he could not hate Thor more than he already did.  And clearly he ought not have said it, because Thor’s expression shuttered.  “Are brothers not meant to be honest?”  he tried.  

Thor stared into the fire for a long while without speaking, and Loki wondered what he might have to say to bring him around.  

“Thor…we may both die here at this rate.  Is it so great a secret that you cannot bear to speak of it?”

“Yes.  I find it so.  And telling you is hardest of all.”

Loki’s lips formed a small sneer at that.  “I am not worthy to tell, is that your meaning?”  he hissed.

Thor looked at him with exasperation in his expression.  “Loki, you look for insults where there are none.  It is hardest to tell you because…it is your judgment I…”  his voice grew quieter.  “…fear most.”

Loki was stunned at that, but there was no hint of doubt or deception on Thor’s face, he meant that.  He feared Loki’s judgment the most?  Because Loki currently had such power over him, or in general?  “Mine?”  he heard himself say.  

“Aye.”  Thor murmured as he looked away.  

What was he supposed to make of that?  Well, he couldn’t tell Thor he wouldn’t judge, because they both knew perfectly well that he would.  “I cannot hate you more than I already do, so you may as well tell me.”

The slight slump of his shoulders was the only acknowledgement Thor gave to the statement, but oddly it gave Loki a sense of regret for saying it.  Were they truly brothers, were they who they used to be…this would be the moment Loki would slip an arm around Thor’s shoulders.  Or perhaps just bump their shoulders together, and Loki would murmur some trite joke to cheer his brother, or indulgently ask him what was wrong.   They were not truly brothers, but Loki had said for the length of the fire life, they were brothers for the moment.  An illusion, like so many things of Loki.

Loki therefore indulged in the illusion to coax ‘his brother’ as he moved closer to press their shoulders together, and he brought his hand to Thor’s forearm to give it a squeeze.  “Come, brother.”  he murmured, his voice sounded genuine although even Thor had to know it was artifice, “I will listen.”  

Thor gave a ragged sigh, and Loki heard a deep pain in it, one that had nothing to do with his physical body.  “I wish you meant that, brother.”  

“It is the truth while the fire burns, at least.”  Loki said softly.

Thor’s hand came up to cover Loki’s, and Loki nearly pulled away but allowed it as Thor’s hand gripped his and brushed a thumb over Loki’s hand.  

Yes, like this, Loki could almost pretend they were brothers on an adventure as they had been so many times before.  And not enemies, the sons of enemies, an Asgardian and a Jotun who should never have crossed paths but in battle.  

“You remember Amora?”  Thor said quietly, and Loki was taken aback.  

“I…well, yes.”  What in the Hel had she to do with any of this?  The enchantress had been banished from Asgard after some secretive misdeed with Thor, even Loki was not sure of the details, nor had he particularly cared.  

“She meant to make me hers, to become queen through me.”

“I am aware.  Is there a point to this?”

Thor frowned at Loki and he made an ‘apologetic’ expression as he tilted his head in a gesture that Thor should continue.  

“The deed for which she was banished…”  Thor fell silent a moment and Loki waited this time for him to collect himself.  “She convinced me to take a potion.”  he had been very young then.  “And used a truth spell.”

“A truth spell?”   

“She said that I would know myself if I did so, that I would find truths that I could not otherwise admit even to myself.”

That was one way of looking at it, Loki supposed.

“She bade me stand before a mirror, so that I might ‘see the truth from my own lips’.”

The whole thing sounded like an excuse for Amora to put herself close to Thor, and he could practically imagine the blonde vixen draping herself over his brother for the attempt.  

“And it worked?”

Thor inhaled and exhaled slowly.  “She started off with small questions, simply to see that it had worked.  And then she asked…”  Thor hesitated and Loki gave his arm a ‘reassuring’ squeeze.  “She asked…what would bring me greatest satisfaction.”

Loki’s expression scrunched with distaste as he abruptly pulled his hand away.  “Is this meant to be a joke?  You think I care to hear about what brings you satisfaction?  Is that what she was banished for, a tryst?”  he spat.

“You said you would listen, but you cannot help yourself.  You invent things in your mind and seek to make them truth.”

Loki scowled at that.  “Invent it, have I?  Fine, continue.”

Thor said nothing and Loki fought against a more open expression of irritation.  

“Thor.”  but he said nothing and Loki clenched a fist before he relaxed it and forced a calm tone to his voice.  “You are right, I said I would listen and then interrupted.  Please do go on.”  he said politely, and Thor frowned at the fire and said nothing still.   Loki felt his anger bubbling up again, and he nearly went for something cutting rather than keep up the farce, but Thor continued.  His ‘brother’s’ voice was uncharacteristically quiet and hesitant, and Loki realized that whatever this all was, it did truly have a deep hold on Thor.  His reluctant to even speak of it was so unlike his brother-Thor.

“I saw myself reply, words I did not even know I would say…what would bring you greatest satisfaction, she asked.”  Thor’s hands clenched as he shifted uncomfortably, and Loki could practically feel the tension from the older man.  “I said…to be…”  Thor trailed off and he shook his head.  “I cannot speak of this.”  he muttered.

His curiosity was reignited full force, Loki would hear the rest one way or another.  “Only we will ever know.”  he offered.  “I give you my word on that.”  Little that was worth, most likely.  

“You will know.”  Thor muttered.

“We will know.”  Loki corrected and Thor flexed his fingers against his palm.  

“You wish to use it against me?  Is that why you would have the answer so badly?”

“I cannot deny being curious.  As to using it against you, how could I plan that when I know not what it even is?”  he tilted his head to put himself more in Thor’s line of vision.  “Can there be a better moment for it, here on Jotunheim, alone?”

“Alone, with you hating me and wishing me dead.”  Thor replied lowly.

“Not for while the fire burns.”  Loki countered.  

Thor closed his eyes a moment and Loki went for the kill as he set his hand on Thor’s back and rubbed it soothingly.  

“You said what, brother?”  he asked softly, and he saw a pained grimace in Thor’s expression as blue eyes slid open to meet his own a moment before Thor looked back at the fire.

“I said to be…seen and valued, wanted,..for myself, as Thor.”  Thor’s voice was quiet and seemed forced from his mouth.  The words caught Loki by surprise, and he wasn’t quite sure what the best response would be but Thor continued.  “Amora laughed, and as she stood behind me, we both looked at ourselves in the mirror.  She brought her lips to my ear, and buried her fingers in my hair.  She made me look, she had claimed to be under the truth spell too…I know not if that is truth or not now.  But I believed it at the time.  She…”

Thor’s breathing had picked up, Loki could feel the increased beat of Thor’s heart with his hand on Thor’s back.  He was surprised by this as well, it seemed Thor might keep on surprising him, and he didn’t know what to make of it.  Thor’s next words were closer to a whisper, and Loki saw a faintly haunted look on Thor’s face that made his heart strangely clench.  That made him irrationally think he wanted to wipe the memory from Thor’s mind so that it would trouble him no more.  

“She said why would anyone value…that which has no worth.”  Loki saw Thor’s lips twist into something painful and mocking as he stared unfocused into the flames, lost in a memory.  “Thor has no worth but what his titles give him.  Without that, I would be nothing.”  

And Loki could not believe what he was hearing, he could not believe what he was seeing, he could not understand the pain etched into his brother’s face and impulsively he lifted his hand to the back of Thor’s head and looked.

A younger Amora and even younger Thor stood before a full-length mirror in a room dimly illuminated by many flickering candles.  She had one hand on his shoulder as she stood mostly behind him with her head close to his.  Thor had a look of uncertainty, and Amora one of sweet confidence.  “Let us find the truth together, my prince.”  she murmured.

“And this…it will let me know myself?  As a king should know himself?”

“That is what I promised, is it not?”  she said, and she trailed long fingernails gently against the back of Thor’s head and he shivered.  

-Perhaps Amora thought it was with pleasure, but Loki knew his brother well, he could see tense discomfort in every sinew of his brother’s form.-

“And…you will not speak of this?”

“You have my word, my lord.  I am here to serve my king.”  she purred and Thor’s brow furrowed slightly.

“What is your name?”  she asked.

“Thor Odinson.”

“Who in your life do you cherish most?”

Thor watched his reflection speak the words.  “My parents, my brother…Heimdall.”

-Loki paused at the answer, well, this was before Sif and the Warriors Three…he would surely have answered differently later-

Amora frowned slightly at that but moved on.  “What would bring you greatest satisfaction?”  and she stepped closer, her chest nearly against his back.

Thor replied.  “To be seen and valued…wanted…for who I am, as Thor.”

Amora stared at them in the mirror a second before she laughed, a mocking tone as she favored him with a patronizing smile.  She brought her lips close to his ear as she brought her fingers to his hair and slightly tilted his head back by the grip.  The gesture was nothing she ought to be doing to a prince, none of it was.  Amora’s voice was sweet, but chillingly cool as she said with a confident expression.  “Why should anyone value that which has no worth?   Had you not your titles, were you not the golden prince, you would be nothing.  Not half as clever as your brother, not wise like Odin, not virtuous like Frigga…come now, my prince.  Why would anyone desire merely Thor ?”  

Thor seemed to pale at her reply, a boy faced with a young woman, who under a ‘truth spell’ had spoken a ‘truth’ that cut him to the core.

“Never fear, my prince.”  she cooed as she trailed a finger along his cheek.  “You have been blessed, you are Odinson, you will wield Mjolnir and be King of Asgard, All-Father of the Nine Realms.  And that is why you will be loved, that is where your true worth lies.  Never forget that, to be king is to abandon all that came before.  There will be no more Thor anyway, so you need not worry, my golden prince.”

Thor’s expression had crumpled, he seemed confused and disheartened-

Loki pulled away with a faint gasp, even as Thor stood abruptly and shot an angry look at Loki.  “You beseech me to speak of it, only to look at your will anyway?  Damn you, Loki.”  he rubbed at his temple, as if to clear it from his mind that way.

“She…that is why she was banished?”

“I do not wish to speak of it.”

Loki stared at Thor, confused and a little overwhelmed by what he’d seen.  The look on Thor’s face was one he was sure he’d never seen, the crushed, almost hopeless look.  He hesitated a moment before he said.  “Knowing Amora, I doubt she took the potion herself.  But even if she did, such potions, such spells, they reveal the truth only as you believe it.  Regardless of whether it is the truth in reality.”

Thor said nothing and Loki wasn’t sure what he even might wish to ask, what to make of what he’d heard, or why Thor found it so difficult to speak of.  This could not be what Thor thought Loki would hate him more for, so what relevance was this?

“...If…”  Thor seemed to struggle with the question and Loki waited.  “If at times…I saw it again, in the mirror…as though it were happening again would that be her magic?”

Loki’s brows lifted at that as he considered it, and he rose to stand next to Thor.  “How many times?”

“...Sometimes her voice alone, the words…”  was all Thor gave as reply, but Loki supposed that was answer enough.  

“She was manipulating you, Thor, as she was wont to do.  She wished to hurt you, so that you would rely on her after.  It was a trick, trust that I know well enough how to recognize one.  It was a trick from start to finish.”  Loki murmured.

Thor’s gaze slid to Loki and his hand came up to rest on Loki’s arm, a look of longing on his face.  Loki sounded like himself again, the Loki who always had an answer, who knew what to say and what Thor needed to hear, who cared enough to say it.  But it couldn’t be real, Loki had made that plain, so was it always a trick?  Had Loki too been playing with Thor for so long?  “Can we not truly be brothers again, Loki?”

Loki sighed before he replied, almost gently.  “We never really were, Thor.”

“All that we have shared is not Odin’s to take.  It matters not that there is no blood between us, I would die for you, brother.”  Thor said sincerely.  

Loki felt a punch in his gut at the words, at Thor’s expression.  “Only so long as I know my place, right?”  he said with a mirthless chuckle, one that felt hollow and pained him.  

Thor realized it was not the first time Loki had made mention of that, and only then did he realize also.  “You speak of what I said on Jotunheim.”

“Know your place, ‘brother’.”  Loki said, as the softness faded from his expression and his lips twisted bitterly.  “That is what we have shared.”

Thor had thought nothing of the words, he spoke them in anger and had not given them a second thought.  And in truth, as he was to be king, there was some truth in the words.  It was Loki’s place to obey, Thor would be king and Loki his advisor and yet…Loki was his brother, and an advisor was not a role to be taken lightly.  Loki was not someone who should suffer being spoken to that way…

But it was Thor, and he could not protest.

A bit of understanding that had been lost to him suddenly dawned on him.  He thought about other things he’d said and done recently, the way he’d snapped ‘enough’ at Loki’s attempt to speak on the Bifrost like he was a child or a servant.  The thought put an unpleasant feeling in his stomach.

Thor said nothing, so Loki did not assume he was having any type of epiphany or empathy.  He stared to pull away but Thor stopped him and Loki narrowed his eyes.

“I did not realize.”  he admitted.  “I never…gave it a second thought.”  he saw Loki’s lip curl derisively.  “I do not mean to say that as an excuse…only that if you took it as malice, or…that I thought myself above you, you are wrong, Loki.  You know better than anyone my mouth speaks ahead of my thoughts at times.  And my temper leaves…much to be desired.  I have learned that somewhat in my time on Midgard, I have seen things differently.  I have changed, and yet have more to change.  Perhaps it is not fair to ask you to tell me what I have done wrong, perhaps I should be able to know for myself.  But I do not know, not all of it.  Because it has never been intentional.”

Loki scoffed at that but didn’t pull away.

“There are times I took advantage, you were right.  I was not always kind when we sparred, or at other times…I mocked your magic as merely tricks…I have not believed in many years that magic was suitable for a warrior.”  

“And yet I brought you to your knees with my tricks.”  Loki taunted with something of a triumphant smirk, certain Thor would rise to the taunt.  He was surprised when Thor grimaced and merely nodded.

“You did.”  Thor agreed.  “You did much with words and tricks…you could do much more if you wished.  If you worked towards noble goals instead of-”

“-Instead of what?”  Loki snapped as he pulled his shoulder from Thor’s hand.  “My goal is less noble simply because you say so?  Your way of killing the frost giants is noble, but mine is not?”  

“That is not what I meant!”

“I care not for what you meant!  I care not for your sentiment, or for you!”  Loki snarled as he shoved at Thor, who caught him by the wrist.  He expected Thor to attack and was utterly stunned when Thor pulled him into a tight hug against his chest.

“Peace, brother.”  Thor said, before Loki could react.  “I cannot wield my words as you do, and you take meanings that I do not intend.”  Loki stiffened and he hastened to add.  “What I mean, and I will say this plainly as I can.  I know I have wronged you, I know I have hurt you, brother.  I do not know all of the ways I have done so, but I truly wish to make amends to you.  You are my brother, and my best friend, and I hope you will be so always.  I am sorry for my failures, I have made many, I did not lose Mjolnir without cause.  But I wish to be better in all ways, including as your brother.  I have never wished to hurt you, and I have never once thought myself better than you, Loki.”

Loki wanted to lash out, he wanted to push Thor away, he wanted to hurt him and reveal him for the liar he surely was.  

But he also wanted it to be true, he wanted this Thor to be real.  It was intolerable that he did, but there it was.  The wretched, golden son of Odin had Loki’s love still-loathe as he was to admit it or show it.  Loki felt a flicker of relief every time Thor persisted in naming him brother still.  “I hate you.” he whispered, even as his hands just slightly came up to hold Thor’s sides in a half-returned hug.  

Thor held Loki tighter, broad arms around thin shoulders as Thor leaned his head against Loki’s.  “I am sorry, brother.”

Loki swallowed hard against the feelings that threatened to bubble to the surface.  “Even if that were all true, even if I cared, which I do not…what is it you want of me?”

“A chance to make amends.  Because I cannot bear to lose you, brother.”

Loki growled in frustration as he shoved his face against Thor’s chest.  He should kill him right now, Jotunheim court be damned, all of it be damned.  Thor was a menace to his sanity and his composure, he had gained the ability to sweetly lie or otherwise convince himself that he was being honest.  It mattered not, Thor was Thor, and this meant nothing.  “And why should that matter to me?”  he snarled.  Thor’s embrace was weaker than it had ever been, he realized idly, the warmth and vitality he was so accustomed to in Thor was gone.  His brother was mortal, and only Loki’s magic was keeping him alive against the cold.  Loki was Thor’s singular protection.

“I cannot answer that for you, I only hope it does mean something.”

Loki closed his eyes and tried to think, tried to stop the turmoil that had started inside of him.  Only Thor could make him break his composure so, only Thor could ever rile him so much.  

Thor had issues of his own with Loki, and while he had decided to be understanding of Loki sending the Destroyer to Midgard among other things…he had not forgotten it, and he was not done with the matter.  Loki had wrongs of his own to answer for, but for the moment, it was most important to soothe Loki and end the animosity between them.  His brother was hurting, and Thor wished to help him for both of their sakes.  

“Agree to serve me while we are in Jotunheim.”  Loki said abruptly.

“What?”  Thor pulled away as he stared down at his brother with a furrowed brow.  That was what Loki had taken from that?

“I have been your shadow, I was not allowed to disobey, I was not allowed to speak if you commanded otherwise.”

“Commanded.”  Thor mildly protested that term and Loki narrowed his eyes.

“Commanded.”  he reiterated.  “Ordered, as though I were a servant.  And not your brother, and not a prince.  You have disrespected me time and again, as you say, without a second thought.”  Loki saw Thor wince a bit at that.  “You want amends, and trust, and for me to agree that we are brothers still?  I want more than words.  I want more than sentimental rambling.  I would have you show me that you mean what you say.  Serve me, without question, as I have been made to do for you.  Even if I am cruel, even if I treat you poorly, you will swallow your pride and obey me.”

Thor’s expression became conflicted as anger and hesitation warred across it.  

“I do not ask you to call me king, I am merely reversing our roles.  You will give me the deference you have always felt entitled to from me.  And I will give you whatever I choose to give you, such as you have always given me.”

Thor frowned at that before he asked quietly.  “It was not always so between us, was it?”

And briefly, memories passed through Loki’s mind of a time when Thor was doting and Loki was captivated.  Their childhood, where they had been loving brothers and each other’s closest companions.  “Not always.”  he admitted softly.  “But it has not been that way in a long time, Thor.”

“...And if I agree to what you ask?”

“We will be brothers, for at least as long as that.  And if by the time we return home, I have decided to believe you…perhaps I might forgive you.  Perhaps we will be brothers still.  But you shall have no guarantees, as I have ever had none.”

Thor didn’t see how things could be much worse than they had already, and at least this way Loki was willing to concede they were brothers and perhaps actually speak with them.  He was relieved that Loki mentioned again his intention to return to Asgard, it was a good thing to hear, and a good thing to believe…they could make things right again.  “…I agree then.”  and he noted that Loki seemed surprised, had he not expected Thor to comply?  What had he planned if Thor had declined?

“You will obey me, whatever I ask?”

“Must you say it like that?  I have never used that word to you.”  Thor pointed out.

“You never had to.”  Loki said coolly.  “I had no choice, not really.  So you never had to say it.”

Thor considered that and then sighed before he nodded.  “I will.”

“Will what?”  Loki asked pointedly, and Thor saw that Loki wanted to make him say it.  He fought against the flare of his own temper and reminded himself why he was humoring Loki in this, he did truly wish to make amends and heal his brother’s pain.

“I will…obey you, brother.”  Thor muttered as embarrassment crossed his expression.

Loki allowed himself a little smile at the sight of Thor being so.  He hadn’t expected Thor to agree, to be honest, and he found himself in a position he hadn’t expected Thor to willingly give him.  But even so, it wouldn’t matter much in the end, because either way he was going to have to trade Thor for the Casket.   There was a good chance Thor could not go home otherwise, and Loki didn’t intend to live like a savage in the wilderness of Jotunheim even if he decided to ‘be brothers again’.  

“Now was that so hard, brother?”  Loki asked genially as he clapped a hand on Thor’s back, and Thor felt his heart leap a bit at Loki sounding like himself.

“Do you call me so because you believe it?”  Thor asked.

“If I am to believe you wish to make amends and have not intentionally made me miserable for years, then you must believe that I am trying to be earnest as well.”  Loki said with a light shrug.  “As I said, you shall have no guarantees.”

Thor supposed that was the best he would get, and he’d content himself with it for now.  “Thank you, Loki.”

Loki looked uncomfortable at the thanks and then waved a dismissive hand.  “We will see how thankful you are by the end of this little ‘adventure’.”  he sat back down as he considered what lay ahead.  They could not be so far off from Loki’s intended destination, and from there it would be a delicate bit of showmanship.  He would reveal himself as Laufeyson, stake a claim on the throne, offer to broker Odinson in exchange for the Casket, and then…

Well, he’d probably never see Thor again, would he?  And Thor wouldn’t want to see him, certainly.  Not after finding out Loki was a frost giant and had kept him alive to use him as a bargaining piece.  

Brothers or not, Loki didn’t see another path forward…he couldn’t turn back now.  

Chapter Text

The latest visitor to Asgard was the son of a prominent duke among the light elves of Alfheim.  His name was Erros, and he was between Loki and Thor in age.  The young man was fair-haired and charming and was soon liked at the court of Asgard.  Even Loki took an interest as he heard the young man speak of books he enjoyed, and when Erros paid him even more attention than he’d paid Thor.  Loki wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of the most attention between them.  Erros seemed witty and kind, and Loki found himself enjoying his company.

Loki was seated outside reading when Thor approached looking thunderous.  He stormed up to Loki who braced himself for whatever mood had caught his brother.

“Go inside, Loki.”  Thor demanded without preamble.

“What?”  Loki was perplexed by the sudden demand and the anger behind it.  Thor began to haul Loki up by the arm and he shrugged his brother off as his own ire rose.  “What are you doing?  Stop it, Thor!”

“This is not a time for argument.  Go back to the palace.”  Thor ordered.

Loki scoffed.  “I will not-Thor!”  Thor had again taken him by the arm and successfully hauled him up form where he’d been seated, and Loki jerked his arm away with a glare.  “Who do you think you are?”

Thor’s eyes narrowed at that.  “Loki-”

“Trouble, sons of Odin?”  Erros’ voice was silky as he came to stand beside them, closer to Loki.

“My brother is being ridiculous.”  Loki growled before he straightened, he didn’t want to give Erros a bad impression.

“Is that so?  It must be my fault.”  Erros clucked his tongue sympathetically.  “I told Prince Thor I was looking for you.”  he said with a glance at Loki.  “To ask if you would accompany to the city this evening, I could use a guide, if I may be so bold to ask you, Prince Loki.”

“What?”  Thor snapped and looked as if he’d approach Erros.

Loki stepped between them, his expression had brightened at Erros’ words but darkened at Thor’s.  “Erros is an honored guest, Thor.  Is this how a prince behaves?”

Thor looked furious at the chastisement.  “Stay away from him.”  he snapped.  “You have no idea-”

“I would be delighted to escort you, Erros.”  Loki said genially as he ignored his brother.

Several hours later, Loki had readied himself to escort Erros when he heard servants speaking of a fight outside the palace and his stomach dropped.  He teleported around quickly until he found the fight, which looked more like Thor pummeling Erros.  Loki wasn’t sure if his intercession would be enough to he quickly went back inside to get his father.  He told Odin of the fight and as Odin asked for more details, Loki said that Thor was angry Erros had asked Loki to escort him.  When Odin asked who started the fight, although Loki had not seen it, he confidently stated Thor had sought Erros out and started it.

At Odin’s approach, Thor looked chagrined and Erros looked frightened as he plead for the All-Father’s aid.  Thor was sent to his rooms while Erros was taken to the medical wing, where Loki stayed with him.  Erros explained that he had tried to apologize to Thor, to offer him to come with them but Thor had grown angry and hit him.  He couldn’t defend himself against the thunder god.  Loki was furious, and thought this all came down to some strange jealousy of Thor’s that Loki was better liked by Erros.

A mini-trial of sorts was held, given that it was something of a diplomatic incident.  Thor tried to explain that Erros had started it, but servants had seen Thor raising his voice to Erros and Loki earlier in the day.  And while only Loki could testify to the start of the fight, others had seen it taking place and seen Thor hitting Erros.

Loki told a solid little tale as he embellished details and claimed to have seen Thor attack Erros for no reason.  It was obvious that he had, Erros was no fighter, that much was clear.  And he surely had more sense than to goad Thor.  Erros had gone to Thor to apologize and been met with violence because his oaf of an older brother couldn’t control his temper.

“Loki is lying!”  Thor protested.

“Silence!”  Odin thundered and Thor fell silent as he cast a dark look at Loki who stared back evenly.

Thor needed to learn that there were consequences for acting like an unruly fool.  But Loki didn’t expect the consequences to result.  In order to keep the peace and to teach Thor proper behavior…Thor was to accompany Erros back to Alfheim for the period of a year, to act as a companion to Erros.  Which meant more like Thor would be a helper of sorts, not quite a servant, but not quite an equal.

Thor and Loki were stunned, he hadn’t meant to get Thor sent away for so long…but perhaps it would be good for his brother.  He needed to learn some self-control, but he felt sorry for Erros because Thor would surely despise him.

A couple of days later, Thor and Loki finally saw each other since the trial and Thor was set to leave that day with the Alfheim entourage.

Loki felt a little guilty but a little vindicated too, this was Thor’s fault after all.  “Hopefully you actually learn something from this.”  he said, surprised when Thor’s expression darkened.

“You lied.”  Thor hissed.

“Oh, please.  You mean to tell me Erros struck you first?”  Loki scoffed with disbelief.

“Whether he or I did, you did not see it!  You lied, Loki!  I am your brother, and you-”

“-You are a jealous oaf who could not stand that I had more attention than you!”  Loki cut him off, angered and hurt by the whole matter.

“Are you mad?”  Thor looked aghast and then angry.  “You think I care about that?”

“Then what other reason have you for acting like a brute?  Erros is a good-”

“-Speak no praise of Erros.”  Thor snapped.

Loki rolled his eyes.  “You cannot even hear another’s praises…you are so self-absorbed sometimes, Thor-”  he was startled when a fist slammed into the wall beside him and he stared up at his brother with unease.   “Brother?”

“You are clever, Loki, but you are not wise.  You know books, but you do not know people.  You understand nothing.”  Thor growled and Loki’s eyes narrowed as he pushed Thor back by the chest.

“Will you just go?”  Loki demanded.  “Or are you going to hit me too?”

Thor’s expression looked almost pained before he pulled away with a noise of irritation.  “Are these to be our parting words?”

“You started this.”  Loki said, a little sullenly.

“Erros started this!”  Thor snapped.

Loki glared and shook his head.  “Enjoy your punishment, Thor, little good it will do.”  With that, he teleported away, hurt and frustrated and shuddering a little as he thought of Thor’s fist in the wall inches from his face.

Thor was gone to Alfheim and Loki communicated with his new friend Erros via letter.  He received updates about Thor and it sounded indeed like his brother had learned nothing.  Thor had broken this or that thing, thrown this or that fit, was disrespectful, was temperamental, in short he was Thor just in another realm.  Loki wrote of his sympathy to Erros for having to put up with the fool.

Then eight months into Thor’s year sentence, Loki received word that Erros was dead.  He had apparently fallen from a high window.  But Loki knew, there was no way that Erros just…happened to fall.  When Thor returned two weeks later after attending the funeral on behalf of the Asgardian royal family, their reunion was colored by Loki’s own rage.

Loki found Thor flanked by Sif and Fandral who had gone to act as bodyguards and actual companions to Thor during his stay.  Thor looked surprised to see Loki but before Thor could speak Loki had stormed up and shouted in his face.  “I know it was you!  You killed him!”  Thor flinched and Loki knew.  Loki slammed a fist against Thor’s chest, then another, and then Thor caught his wrists as Loki tried again and Loki tugged his hands back.  “You are a spoiled, selfish brute!  You could not bear me to have a friend who wasn’t yours, could you?”  he snarled.

“Prince Loki-”  Fandral started and Loki glared.

“-I did not give you leave to speak.”  Loki snapped.

Thor frowned and stepped between them.  “Yell at me if you must, but do not speak so to our friends.”

Loki scoffed.  “You are unbelievable!”  He stepped closer as he glared into Thor’s eyes.  “I know it was you.  Tell me, did he have his back turned when you pushed him-”  he made a noise of surprise as Thor grabbed him by a fistful of his shirt and jerked Loki closer.

Thor looked furious then as returned the glare.  “Never speak such words again.”  he snarled.

“What?  The truth?”  Loki pried Thor’s hand from his shirt and stepped back.  “You are the worst brother!”  he spat, and he turned away quickly as his eyes stung with the threat of tears.  Loki stormed off towards the palace and he avoided his brother for several weeks after.  Odin had questioned Thor thoroughly about the incident, but Thor had a written letter from Erros’ uncle the new heir to the dukedom that Thor was innocent of the crime.  Whatever the beliefs of Odin and Loki, Thor could not be blamed.  Thor, Sif, and Fandral were sent on a long quest shortly after and they returned with a new member of their party, Hogun.  Within the next year, Volstagg would make up the last of the group.  It was nearly a year as well before Thor and Loki started to make some amends, encouraged by their mother, but it had created a rift between them that festered for both of them even when they’d ‘moved past it’.

Sif had never seemed much a fan of Loki, but after the Alfheim affair, she seemed borderline disliking of him.  Fandral, ever kind, was Fandral but there was a closeness between Thor and the pair that hadn’t been there before.  Loki felt further excluded, and it made him bitter that Thor had robbed him of a friend but grown closer to his chosen friends.  The letter from Erros’ uncle absolving Thor gave him pause, but it still seemed too much a coincidence.

--xx--

Loki made quick work of finding them more small game to eat, such as it was, and the pair had fallen silent for a time despite their new resolve.  But eventually Loki broke the silence with the stray comment.  “I still cannot believe you speak tree.”

A small smile curved Thor’s lips as he chewed through the tough meat of whatever creature Loki had caught.  “Groot.”  he corrected.  “I never thought it would be so useful though.”

“Useful.”  Loki snorted as he peered at the fire before he looked to Thor.  “What do you remember after falling from the Bifrost?”

The sudden change in topic after their silence caught Thor by a little surprise but he considered it as he shrugged.  “As I said…there was warmth and light…I remember little else.”

“Nor I.”  Loki admitted, and he thought back to the specter Thor had faced.  “That thing said that you cracked your core.  Clearly it relates to your lack of power, but what specifically, I know not.”  He saw Thor sigh quietly at that and eyed the other man a moment.  “Do you regret it?”

“What?”  Thor asked as his gaze slid back up to Loki.

“Coming after me.”

“No.”  Thor said, with not a hint of hesitation and Loki felt something between skepticism and guilt.

“You were ready to leave me at the cave.”  Loki said, not quite an accusation, but a point in his mind.

“You must think me invincible, Loki.  If you think that hearing repeatedly you wish me dead and loathe me would not hurt me.”  he let his hand dance above the tips of the flame.

Loki considered that as he studied his brother [what, was he now thinking of him as his brother again?] in the fire light.  “But still you helped from the cave when I inhaled the spores, you came after me on the Bifrost.”

”That surprises you?”

“It baffles me.”  Loki admitted.  “I killed you with the Destroyer, I tried again on the Bifrost.  Sentiment alone compelled you to forgive me that?”

Thor’s brow furrowed as he looked at Loki like he was a puzzle he couldn’t figure out.  “It was not about…forgiveness or sentiment.  You are my brother.”

“Adopted.”

“It makes no difference.”  Thor said dismissively.

“How can you say that?”  Loki scoffed.

“How can you ask that?”  Thor countered.  “We have known each other all of our lives.  Does blood matter more than that to you?”

Would you still say such things if you knew what blood ran through my veins?   Loki thought, but shrugged instead.  “I’ve known a number of people all my life.”

“That have shared what we have?”

“Not all between us is good, Thor.”

“And not all bad.”  The pair fell silent a moment before Thor grinned lightly.  “You remember the time you cast illusions on our forms so that we appeared as each other?  You took my final exam and I-”

“-Did that ridiculous little quest for me.  Yes, yes, I recall.”  Loki smirked.  “The tutor was suspicious of your grade but could not figure out how you might have cheated.”

“I hated that class.”

“What, principles of linguistics in music and literature not to your liking, brother?”  They both seemed surprised at the casual use of the endearment after all that had happened.  Loki felt a little uncomfortable even though he had agreed to as much.  It was so easy to refer to Thor that way when he wasn’t in the throes of anger or going out of his way to ill-treat Thor.  It’s just to make him trust me, so that I can sell him off later.  There is no other meaning.  Loki told himself.

“Neither of us have talent in music.”

“I can play the lute quite nicely, thank you very much."

“I have heard dying beasts make a more pleasant sound.”

Loki affected offense and huffed.  “No accounting for taste.”  Thor suddenly chuckled and Loki lifted a brow.  “What?”

“That time we mixed up which hot spring was meant for the men, and Freya and Mother came upon us-”

“-Do not remind me.”  Loki muttered.  “Half the servants thought we did it on purpose.”

“I cannot imagine why.  The only women present were our relations.”

“Servants love a good scandal.”  Loki snorted.

The pair fell into silence again and Loki glanced skyward.  There was no real way to judge time, but they had been stopped for awhile.  “We should continue, at least for a couple of hours.”  Thor grimaced but nodded.  “You are not ready?”

”I am as I will ever be.”  Thor said as he pushed himself up with a wince.  He felt cold and pained, weary in a way that no god ever would be.  But he was heartened by the conversation between them, the hope that there might be a path back to reconciliation with his little brother.

Loki could see stiffness and ginger movements in Thor, he was clearly in pain, but Loki had little gift for healing and there wasn’t much he could do about it.  He thought of how aggressive he’d been and felt a hint of regret but he swallowed that down.  No use in crying over spilled ale.  Loki had considered that he might, if he put time and effort into it, be able to divine something of what had gone wrong with Thor as far as his powers.  But there was no use wasting time if he didn’t intend to fix Thor, and he did not.  A mortal Thor was easier to manage and would be easier to trade.  Odin could worry about fixing his precious son once he’d gotten him back.  And Loki…Loki would be safe on the throne of Jotunheim…surrounded by monsters.

He glanced down at the hand that had first turned Jotun blue and clenched his fingers.  Had they not ventured to Jotunheim, he would surely even now be wrapped in the fiction that he was a true Odinson.  And for how long would Odin have let the lie pass, when would he have seen fit to tell Loki what lay beneath the glamour of an Aesir prince?

“Are you alright?”  Thor asked, and Loki glanced over as he let his fist fall.

“I am as I will ever be.”  he parroted Thor’s words.  “Better off than you, at any rate.  Being mortal looks worse and worse by the second, you look awful.”

Thor gave his brother a dry look, glad all the same to be subject to what for Loki was more like concern than mockery.  “I appreciate the commentary, Loki, it is most helpful.”

“I aim to please.”  Loki said with a shrug, but Thor did look worse even than before.  He wasn’t sure of the exact cause, given all that they had been through.  Was Thor wasting away because of Jotunheim, was he just looking ill because of his wounds and tiredness?  It would be over soon, Loki reminded himself, because the frost giants would surely want to ransom Thor for the Casket.  And then the beasts would have Loki for a king, far more than they deserved of course, but he would make something of this barren wasteland.  Perhaps he might even manage to make Jotunheim a proper member of the Nine Realms.  There was a satisfaction in the idea of forcing Odin to acknowledge him as a fellow king.

But the idea of treating with Asgard as a foreign king was less comfortable.  Thor, as the then only prince of Asgard would be sent as an ambassador.  And he would be the false brother, the monster who had sold Thor out [even if it ultimately was of benefit to Thor too].  Well, Thor had shown remarkable levels of forgiveness and patience, perhaps he would see reason on Loki’s actions.  But if he did, what of it, what relationship could they have when all was said and done and did Loki even want that?  Did he suddenly care if Thor was in his life or not?  He had sent the Destroyer to kill Thor, for Norns’ sake.

But the anger in him, for Thor at least, had cooled and he found Odin increasingly the greater target of his ire.  Odin, who had lied to them both, who had promised they could both be kings while ever favoring his blood son.  Thor at least had shown [an admittedly foolish] loyalty to Loki, and different sides to his character than Loki had expected.  And then there was that whole affair with the specter in the cave.  The Golden Prince who was somehow not Thor, the little thing with Amora, and the hints of other strange goings on like the mention of Alfheim.  What of Alfheim would be worth the mention and why would it come up in the midst of the specter attacking Thor?

Loki resolved that the next time they stopped, perhaps after sleeping, he would try to make Thor speak of it.  If for nothing else than to assuage his curiosity.  He’d have no time to do so once he’d sold Thor out anyway…best make the most of what would likely be their last conversations, especially while Thor still believed Loki was his brother…

Thor had renewed hope that things between he and Loki might be mended and that they would make it back home in one piece.  He had come to realize that Loki had likely been fooling him longer than he’d known.  Thor now had to reconsider interactions between them that he had taken at face value before.  But Loki seemed willing to entertain the idea of them being brothers now, he was being kinder, and Thor could see no benefit Loki would get out of it.  So it must be genuine, he must be earnestly receptive to a mend between them.  Thor still had issues with Loki, there were still things that made him angry to consider, he could not say he had given his brother blanket forgiveness.  But he could forgive, he knew that well enough.  Thor would not waste thousands of years being bitter over this when all he wanted, all he had ever wanted, was he and his brother to fight side by side forever.  The idea of being stuck to the throne of Asgard was bearable only because he knew he would have his brother by his side.  Thor would not let their family grieve, he would bring Loki home and show him that he belonged…blood shared or not, Loki was a son of Odin and Thor’s brother…and he would show Loki patience and love until he believed that again.  That was what family did for each other.  Thor let that thought content and carry him as he pushed forward.

Chapter Text

The next leg of the journey was spent mostly in silence, either for lack of what to speak of or because either was entangled in their own thoughts.  But Loki had been keeping an eye on his brother and he noticed that Thor’s movements grew ever more sluggish.  “We will stop here for the night.”  he decided abruptly as he gestured to a jagged formation of ice and rock they could sleep behind.

Thor didn’t seem inclined to argue and gave a weary nod, a far cry from the Thor of adventures past.

“Hurry, brother!”  Thor called with a laugh as he raced around the next curve.

“Why!”  Loki huffed back as he chased the elder.

“Why not?”  Thor called back with a broad, sunny grin and Loki wanted to smack him even as a smile curved his own lips.

Loki felt a pang in his chest at the memory, at the recognition that there were indeed good times between them.  Thor had not always been the brother Loki had come to envy and resent.  “How are you feeling?”  he asked as he conjured a small, sorcerous fire.

“Like I was run over by a bilgesnipe.”  Thor said with a grimace.

“Must have been a small bilgesnipe.”  Loki quipped lightly, and he pretended not to see the look of surprise Thor gave him.

Thor snorted after a few seconds.  “You would not say so if you knew how I felt.”

A rush of venom flooded him at Thor’s words as they inadvertently touched a sore spot for Loki but he swallowed it down.  He was meant to give Thor a chance, which really at this point was just conceding to treating Thor better until he ultimately bargained him to the Jotnar court.  “What is it like?”  Loki asked as he took a seat cross-legged in front of his conjured fire and Thor joined him with a wince.

“Being mortal?”  Thor clarified, and when Loki hummed an affirmative Thor considered the question.  “The answer that comes to mind is morbid.”

Loki waited for elaboration and when none was forthcoming he prompted.  “Well, go on.”

Thor inhaled slowly and then shrugged.  “It feels as if…I am half-dead.”

Loki’s brow furrowed at that description.  “Morbid indeed.”  he agreed.  “I don’t suppose you could explain a bit better?”  He was curious mostly, but he could no longer claim to be unconcerned either.

Thor stared down at the fire as he sought words that might convey what did not have words, as far as he was concerned.  “I feel…adrift from myself.  Ripped at the seams.  The world is duller and…much of my sensations are painful.  I am tired and…I feel that something is missing.”  he pressed an absent fist against his chest.  “I do not feel right.  I cannot explain it better than that.”

Loki’s nose scrunched as it was, that sounded miserable.  “Mortal lives really are tedious.”  he said with an ill-repressed shudder and received a strange look from Thor in return.

“You think yourself above them?”  Thor asked.

“What?  The mortals?  Of course.”  he said, perplexed that it should even be a question.  “We are gods, Thor.”

“And what does that mean?”  Thor asked quietly.  “Father stripped me of my godhood and what was left?  Is all that separates us from the mortals our longevity, our power?”

Loki looked at his brother incredulously.  “Where on Asgard is that coming from?  Suddenly feeling philosophical, brother?”  Blue eyes quickly met Loki’s before Thor looked back at the fire, he supposed the again casual use of the endearment he had so vehemently been denying caught Thor by surprise as well.

“Perhaps.”  Thor murmured and Loki had no further reply.

It seemed to Loki they spent a fair while staring at the conjured fire in silence before he glanced at his brother and realized that Thor had fallen asleep sitting up.  His brother’s head had slumped to his shoulder and he was in danger of slowly tilting sideways.  Loki recalled being the one to fall asleep first between them in their youth, and his brother had more than once carried Loki to bed and tucked him in.

And Loki had more than once whined for his big brother to stay, to which Thor was always amenable.

A bittersweet half-smile tugged at Loki’s lips but he let his expression grow slack as he leaned to shake Thor’s shoulder.  “Brother-”

Thor startled and nearly pitched forward towards the fire but Loki kept him upright with the hand on his shoulder.  “-I am awake!”  he exclaimed groggily, and Loki was taken aback enough to let out a laugh.  The bleary-eyed, confused look he got in response only increased his mirth and he shook his head as he rose.  “Come away from the fire, you oaf.”  he murmured.  “Sleep properly.”

Thor mumbled an unintelligible reply but moved obediently enough as he slumped about a foot away.  Loki didn’t need the fool rolling onto the fire in his sleep.  He started to move away when Thor’s hand caught his wrist.  At a frown from Loki, who didn’t understand the cause of the gesture, Thor released him.  “I…we would be warmer if we slept nearer.”

The words were uncharacteristically hesitant and Loki suspected Thor imagined he would either be rejected or be met with anger again.  His gaze flicked up a moment in thought as he tallied the pros and cons of acquiescence, and then reminded himself that he would soon likely not see Thor again.  Or they would truly be enemies if they did.  “I suppose.”  Loki affected a sigh.  “It would be inconvenient if you froze to death before our return.”  he said, even as he took a position next to a relieved-looking Thor.  An awkward few seconds passed as they didn’t fall into a natural arrangement.

Thor seemed to reach a decision though as he lay on his side and faced Loki who took a mirrored position.  He pulled his cape over the two of them as Loki studied Thor’s face.  “Is this alright?”  Thor asked softly.

Loki was tempted to turn spite onto Thor, to see that almost hopeful expression turn morose simply by Loki’s words or rejection.  How many times had Thor left Loki to feel that way?  But instead he maneuvered Thor’s arm around him as he lay his head in the crook of Thor’s arm above his bicep.  “Better.  I am not overfond of using the ground as a pillow.”  he said imperiously and felt rather than heard Thor’s breathy chuckle.  Thor’s arm pressed against Loki’s back as he hooked his palm lightly over Loki’s upper arm and the brothers were practically chest-to-chest.

From trying to kill Thor to this, what a turnaround, Loki thought.

“Rest well, brother.”  Thor said, a quiet warmth to his words that Loki found unfathomable.

Why was Thor being so gentle with him, so patient?  Loki could not make sense of the gentle giant who’d replaced his boorish brother.  He brought his palm to Thor’s cheek as sent a spell of warmth into him before he lowered his hand to rest between them.  “And you.”  he murmured, certain he could feel a faint smile against his head as Thor tucked against him to sleep.  Loki closed his eyes tightly and tried not to enjoy the sensation of shared affection and his brother’s familiar, comforting warmth…such as it currently was.

--xx--

Loki awoke with a grumble as for a brief instant he forgot his situation.  He was trapped in a tangle of limbs, his arm was over Thor’s waist and Thor’s leg had found its way between Loki’s own.  They were pressed together, with Loki’s head almost tucked against Thor’s shoulder.  “Thor, wake up.”  he mumbled as he pushed at his brother’s chest.  “Thor.”  When Thor didn’t move he grew faintly alarmed as he peered at his brother closely.  Thor looked positively sickly and it made Loki’s stomach lurch.  Jotunheim wasn’t made for gods, and it certainly wasn’t made for mortals.  “Brother.”  he pressed his fingers into the underside of Thor’s chin, the sensitive spot triggered a response as Thor’s eyes fluttered open.

“Mm?”  Thor rumbled a sound as he squinted at Loki before he exhaled heavily.  “Another bilgesnipe came for me, I am sure of it.”  he mumbled.

Loki took the touch of humor as a good sign, but the issue was still present.  Sorcery alone would not keep Thor alive indefinitely.  He extricated himself from Thor as he pushed himself up and watched Thor slowly do the same.  Loki brought his hand to Thor’s forehead which felt warmer than he believed it should, but Loki ran cold in general, it was a poor gauge.  He tilted Thor’s face towards the fire to better illuminate it and he saw a flush on Thor’s cheeks.  Thor’s eyes were half-opened as he stared tiredly at Loki.

“What is it?”  Thor muttered.

“You look unwell.”

“Aye.  Half-dead.”  he reiterated absently before he pulled his head from Loki’s hand and struggled to his feet.  He swayed slightly but remained upright, it didn’t nothing to ease Loki’s budding suspicions.

Loki was inclined to believe Thor had a fever, which might mean worse besides, but that was not something he could treat with sorcery.  He had little experience with mortal ailments other than a sense that some were fatal.  What if he lost Thor to something so ridiculous?

He weighed their options, it was foolhardy to stay in one place too long but to have Thor journey in his condition was also a poor idea.  The sooner Thor returned to Asgard the better, but that required dealing with frost giants.  One look at Thor as he was and they would rip his brother apart.

Staying was dangerous, leaving was dangerous, the only path of any hope was the one that would let Odin come for Thor but that too was problematic.  There was no easy answer.

Thor, whatever he thought of Loki’s silence and troubled expression, brought his palm up to Loki’s neck in their gesture of affection.  “Are you well, brother?”  he murmured.

“Worry about yourself, fool.”  Loki scoffed, agitated by the well of fondness the concern inspired in him.  It was as if the initial allowance of Thor’s sentiment had opened the gateway between them to start having mutual feelings.  Thor’s hand lowered and Thor wore a weary, kicked-puppy look that Loki suddenly found intolerable.  He made an irritated noise before he sighed as he made intentional eye contact with his brother.  “I believe you are ill, Thor.  A fever, perhaps, I know not what else.  I cannot care for such an illness, if we stay it may get worse, if we leave it likely will as well.  The only option is to proceed but not with you stumbling about.  I will shift your form for a time so that I can-”

“-No.”  Thor interrupted abruptly as he took a step back with a pinched expression and Loki felt a flicker of annoyance that became frustrated amusement as Thor added morosely.  “No frogs.”

Loki wasn’t entirely sure of his brother’s lucidity, his eyes were lidded and he didn’t know how illness truly affected mortals.  But the childish throwback to what had been a rather good prank might have enticed him to chuckle in other circumstances.  “No frogs.”  he agreed.  “You consent then?”

Thor seemed confused by the question.  “If I said I do not?”

“I would do it anyway.”  Loki admitted.  “But I am endeavoring to be courteous.”

Thor closed his eyes, Loki got the sense the other man was a touch amused, before Thor inclined his head.  “Do what you must, brother.”

Loki eyed his brother before he put his palm on Thor’s head gently and summoned a rush of sorcery to bend and change Thor’s form.  That too was dangerous, particularly given Thor’s condition, but the form would be warmer in general and let Loki continue the journey without Thor having to make it and worsen himself.

When Loki finished, the thunderer had become a thick-furred wolf pup.  He considered it testament to how poorly Thor felt that he didn’t rise, simply curled up with a whimpering little huff that tugged at Loki’s heartstrings.

Loki ended the fire as he tied his cloak in such a way to make a kind of sling.  He gingerly picked up his now furry brother and tucked him into the sling while keeping an arm tucked under him.  “Suitable?”  Loki asked.

Thor tilted a blue eye at Loki and gave a small, deliberate nod before he curled up further and closed his eyes.

Without a staggering mortal, Loki made far better time.  He was able to find another water source and he kept a hand around Thor as he helped his brother drink.  Loki found another creature to hunt and tore pieces small enough for Thor’s current form.  He did what he could to let Thor rest and keep him warm.  And strangely despite Thor’s inability to speak it left Loki more endeared to his brother than he cared to examine.  Thor’s [was it fair to call it trust?] and reliance, his need of Loki’s care, and the little behaviors Thor displayed left Loki feeling more tenderly towards his brother than he had in some time.  Thor spent two ‘nights’ in that form, both tucked against Loki’s chest as they slept.  The few times Loki had stopped for rest himself, Thor pressed against his thigh or on his lap.  He seemed constantly sleepy  which was a concern.  When Thor was awake, Loki treated him to a few tales, as only Loki Silvertongue could tell them.  Thor seemed pleased as near as Loki could tell, when he was awake for them.

But half-way through the third day of the form, when Loki was sure they could not be but two days from where he figured the main living area of the Jotnar to be, Thor seemed somewhat recovered.  He pulled away when Loki tried to pick him up to place him in the sling and shook his head.  Loki took that to mean that Thor wanted his form restored.  He hesitated because it was far easier to travel with Thor as he was…but then again…this might be his last chance at conversing with his brother while Thor still thought of them as such.

Loki relented as he restored Thor who stumbled and braced himself on Loki’s offered arm.  Thor rubbed at his face and coughed.  “I’ve never spent so longer in another form.”  his voice was faintly hoarse but he sounded better as he cleared his throat.  Thor’s complexion was slightly better and as Loki helped himself to a hand against Thor’s forehead, he was fairly sure Thor’s temperature had lessened.  “I feel…less terrible.”  Thor informed him before he added.  “Thank you, brother.”

Loki replied primly.  “Good, I was getting rather tired of carrying you.”  he unfurled his cloak and made a show of brushing himself off while Thor smiled.  “I believe our destination is a day, perhaps two at most away.”

“We’ll be home soon.”  Thor said with relief as he stretched his reformed limbs.

“Indeed.”  Loki said without meeting Thor’s gaze as he busied himself with studying their dark surroundings.  He was surprised to feel Thor’s hand on his shoulder and glanced up at his brother who wore an almost solemn expression.

“Things will be different, Loki…I will not give you such cause for grief again.  And know that I have meant all that I have said.  Wherever you have come from, it makes no difference to me.  We will always be brothers, Loki.”

A painful feeling welled in him and dual confessions of his true heritage and what he intended warred on his tongue.  But instead of giving voice to either, he smiled thinly as he patted Thor’s hand.  “You have made that perfectly clear, you great oaf.”  he said, not unkindly before he shrugged Thor’s hand off.  “If you feel able, we will continue.”

Thor’s hand hovered a moment after Loki pushed it off before he nodded.  “As I can be.”

The next time they stopped, Loki had already reached a decision as he asked when they were seated.  “Tell me of Alfheim.”

Thor stilled so suddenly that Loki was almost alarmed and he saw Thor’s gaze meet his own with a frown in the sorcerous fire light.  “Loki…” he hesitated.  “There is nothing to tell.”

“Did you honestly just try to pass such a poor lie off to me?”  Loki asked in a tone of affront.

Thor looked uncomfortable at that.  “It was centuries ago, Loki.  Why bring it up now?"

“So there is an ‘it’.”  Loki said triumphantly and Thor winced.  “Your specter brought it up and I would know why.  Because the only grand event I recall of Alfheim leaves a rather poor taste.”

Thor brought his legs up as he rested his forearms on his knees with a sigh.  “You pick the worst things to speak of, brother.”

“Oh, come now, how bad can it be?”  Loki coaxed.

“It is done with.”  Thor said lowly, reticence written into the tension of his body.

He tried a different approach as he said.  “Is this about Erros?  You killed him, didn’t you?”  Loki tried not to let his vindication bleed through with an old anger.  “You were angry.”

The laugh that came out of Thor at that was unusually bitter and gave Loki pause.  He kicked at a loose stone before he seemed to reach some decision as he looked up at Loki.  “Yes.  I killed Erros.”

Loki stiffened, because for all that he had blamed Thor and believed it, for all that he loved to be right, the blatant admission still struck him.  His eyes narrowed.  “I knew it was you.  How did you get his uncle to defend you?  Why did you do it, Thor?”

“It was an accident.”  Thor said plainly, and Loki scoffed until he took note of Thor’s blank expression.  His brother had always been a poor liar.

“You accidentally killed a duke’s son?”  Loki asked skeptically even so.

Thor stared at Loki’s sorcerous fire as he trailed his palm over the top of the green flames.  “It’s funny.”  he said softly.  “I think that was the closest I ever came to hating you, brother.”

“What?”  Loki stared at his brother, such a phrase was not one he’d ever expected to hear from the other man.

“You would hear of Alfheim?”  Thor asked tonelessly.  “So be it, Loki.”

--xx--

Thor hadn’t liked Erros from the moment he’d laid eyes on him, a rarity for the eldest prince of Asgard.  There was something…slimy about the elven heir to a dukedom.  He put Thor on edge in the way he might expect to find himself during a dangerous quest.  The way that Erros spoke and acted just…struck Thor as false.

But all the same, he did his best to be a polite and gracious prince as was his duty.

Erros seemed to mock him with every word even though he said nothing overtly inappropriate.  And then Erros turned his attention to Loki.  That had bothered Thor, he didn’t trust the elf nor want him in Loki’s company but there was little he could do.  At least until Erros goaded him.

“What?”  Thor was sure he must have misheard, or at least he hoped so, because he was certain beating the elven bastard senseless would not go over well with his father.

Erros looked smug.  “Apologies, I had heard rumors the elder prince was dim-witted.  I see that was being generous.  Allow me to repeat myself.  Does your brother accept coin for his time, or need I bother offering payment at all?”

Thor saw red and he refrained by the barest tether from smashing Erros’ head against the nearest wall.  “I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you do not understand what you are saying.”  he said through gritted teeth.  “And allow you to walk away.”

“There are rumors, you see.”  Erros said, like Thor hadn’t spoken as he began to walk with his hands behind his back and his still-smug expression.  “That the youngest prince is a by-blow, likely of the Allfather’s.  And that his mother is some breed of dark witch.  To explain that exotic coloring.”

Thor would have had his hand on Erros’ throat had not the elf disappeared only to reappear several feet away.

Erros tugged on something beneath his shirt.  “Teleportation amulet.  Useful thing.  Now as I was saying-”  he teleported again as Thor lunged for him.  “By the Tree, you really are dense.  I simply want to know if you brother is as loose as his would-be mother.  He is a sorcerer of Asgard, I know well what they like to do on their backs-”  he teleported away again and Thor snarled furiously.  Erros seemed pleased with that result as he shrugged.  “Perhaps your brother will be better company.”  he disappeared completely then and Thor clenched his jaw as he stormed from the palace.

He found Loki outside reading, where he’d thought him to be, and he demanded.  “Go inside, Loki.”  Thor could hardly keep his hands from shaking he was so enraged, he was going to strangle that filthy, foul-mouthed-

“What?”  Loki asked, so Thor hauled him up by the arm and Loki shoved his arm off.  “What are you doing?  Stop it, Thor!”

Thor had heard such rumors before though never quite like that, rumors that had hurt Loki in the past.  Because Odin, Frigga, and Thor all had fair coloring to match the rest of Asgard.  But Loki was different, dark and pale with a preference for sorcery against the warrior preference of the men of Asgard.  Thor could remember comforting his crying little brother in their childhood when some loud-mouthed arse made this or that comment about Loki’s appearance or that he appeared different than the others of their family.  And certainly it wasn’t the first time he’d heard comments about sorcerers taking it on their backs, so to speak.  That talk too had reached Loki’s ears before and caused him pain.  Thor would not have it.

“This is not a time for argument.  Go back to the palace.”  Thor ordered, he did not trust Erros not to either speak out of turn or cause Loki further harm.

“I will not-Thor!”  Loki protested as Thor grabbed him again and the younger Odinson glared.  “Who do you think you are?”

Thor was in no fit state to deal with Loki’s stubbornness, it was all he could do not to snap at Loki in his rage.  “Loki-”

“Trouble, sons of Odin?”  Erros said as he came to stand near Loki.

Thor’s blood boiled even as Loki growled.  “My brother is being ridiculous.”

“Is that so?  It must be my fault.”  Erros said with false sympathy.  “I told Prince Thor I was looking for you.  To ask if you would accompany me to the city this evening.  I could use a guide, if I may be so bold to ask you, Prince Loki.”

“What?”  Thor snapped as he advanced on Erros but was cut off by Loki.

“Erros is an honored guest, Thor.  Is this how a prince behaves?”  Loki asked darkly.

“Stay away from him!  You have no idea-”

“-I would be delighted to escort you, Erros.”  Loki said genially as he ignored his brother.

Thor had to bite his tongue as he could not thrash Erros without Loki interceding, nor certainly without explaining.  He didn’t want Loki to know of the scum’s words.  Thor found his opportunity, to his surprise, a few hours later.  Were he not so enraged he might have noted how strangely convenient it was that Erros was so easily gotten to.

“You will stay away from my brother.”  Thor snarled.  “If you so much as look at him, I will break every bone in your body.”

”Temper, temper.”  Erros clucked his tongue.  “You know, all of this…bravado leaves me wondering…are you so eager to keep me from sampling the fruits of Asgard because you wish to taste them?”  He had barely gotten the last word out before Thor threw a punch that Erros dodged, he back-handed Thor across the face, the first in Thor’s entire life to pull such a demeaning blow against him.

Thor lost any sense of composure he might have still had as he threw what may as well have been fists of iron into Erros’ face repeatedly.

But he hadn’t been at it long when he heard his father’s sharp voice and he came away from Erros chagrined.

Erros immediately began to blubber.  “A-Allfather.  I was so afraid.”

Thor was dumbfounded as the elf began to shed crocodile tears and play up how terrified he was.  He could not get a word in edge-wise before Odin shouted for Thor to go to his chambers.  Erros went to the medical wing with Loki for company.

A trial of sorts was held about the matter.  Servants testified about seeing Thor raise his voice to Erros earlier in the day, during the incident where Erros kept teleporting.  Thor tried to explain the truth without explaining all of the details, but he was barely able to do even that much.  Because it became Loki’s word against his as well.

Loki wove a tale of seeing Thor attack Erros for no reason, that he had simply beaten Erros in a fit of pique.  Thor’s protests meant little when his own brother testified against him so confidently.  When Erros played fearful so well and was indeed the injured party.  And when servants would testify of Thor’s temper [well-known anyway].

“Loki is lying!”  Thor protested, hurt and angry at the betrayal by his brother.

“Silence!”  Odin thundered, and Thor shot his brother a dark look that Loki met unashamedly.

Odin sentenced Thor to a period of a year as something of a noble helper to Erros, not quite a servant, but close enough.  The act would smooth over the diplomatic affront as well as, hopefully, teach Thor humility and consequence.

It was Loki’s testimony that had sealed Thor’s fate.

Thor was hurt and morose as he resigned himself to a year spent in Alfheim with that elven bastard.  He couldn’t believe his family had turned on him, that his father would not so much as listen and that Loki had blatantly lied.  He had been trying to protect his brother, why would Loki do this over some stranger?

“Hopefully you actually learn something from this.”

Thor hadn’t known how to take his brother’s presence but it would be the last time he saw him for a year.  Loki chose the foot they started off of when he decided to patronize Thor after betraying him.

“You lied.”  Thor hissed.

“Oh, please.  You mean to tell me Erros struck you first?”  Loki scoffed, and Thor glared.

“Where he or I did, you did not see it!  You lied, Loki!  I am your brother, and you-”

“-You are a jealous oaf who could not stand that I had more attention than you!”  Loki cut him off.

“Are you mad?”  Thor couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  “You think I care about that?”

“Then what other reason have you for acting like a brute?  Erros is a good-”

“-Speak no praise of Erros!”  Thor snapped and he clenched his fists as Loki rolled his eyes.

“You cannot even hear another’s praises.  You are so self-absorbed sometimes, Thor-”

Thor slammed a fist into the wall next to Loki as he glared daggers at his little brother.

“Brother?"

“You are clever, Loki, but you are not wise.”  Thor growled, and he noted Loki’s uneasiness.  Loki feared him, but not that vile elf?  “You know books, but you do not know people.  You understand nothing.”

Loki pushed him back with a demand that cut Thor to the quick.  “Will you just go?  Or are you going to hit me too?”

Thor made a noise of irritation even as his heart sank.  “Are these to be our parting words?”

“You started this.”  Loki said sullenly.

“Erros started this!”  Thor snapped back, only to see Loki shake his head.

“Enjoy your punishment, Thor, little good it will do.”

Loki teleported away and Thor was left alone as his shoulders slumped and he bit the inside of his cheek against the miserable swell of emotions he felt.

--xx--

Loki’s mouth had fallen slightly open as Thor paused in his tale.  “T-That isn’t possible.  It did not happen that way.”

“You wouldn’t know.  You weren’t there.  Hence why you lied.”  Thor said, a touch of steel in his tone that hadn’t been present in the whole time they’d been on Jotunheim.

“Why did you not just tell me?”

“Because as I told you, little that you seem to believe it, I take no pleasure in hurting you, Loki.  Why should I have inflicted his words on you?  I held you enough times as you cried over such things.  I would not give him power to wound you.  I did not expect you would betray me on his behalf.”  Thor added, a tinge bitterly.

Loki was in danger of being on the back foot, so he responded defensively.  “Well how was I to know!  I saw you beating him-”

“-He struck me first.  Whatever you thought of why we fought, you lied.  You went out of your way to make me the villain.”

Loki started to protest but it died on his lips as he stared at cool, blue eyes over the green fire.  “I…was not some…damsel that could not hear such things, why…you should have just…”

“Not a damsel.  My little brother.  Repeating his words to you would be giving his foul words voice.  I did not want you to hear them.  I made that choice.”

Loki swallowed hard at that, astonished by how deeply he’d misunderstood the situation if Thor was to be believed.  “I did not know he would send you away.”

“As you did not know I would be banished.”  Thor said, almost wryly.  “It seems we both make decisions on behalf of the other, with what we imagine to be good purpose.”

Loki didn’t know how to reply so he settled on a quiet.  “…What of Alfheim?”

Thor paused and then sneered abruptly, a look foreign on Thor’s face as far as Loki was concerned.  “Erros was worse than I knew.”

--xx--

Thor was given the clothes of elven nobility, but those of Erros’ house.  They may as well have declared him Erros’ noble manservant.  The gall and shame of it stung Thor but he was in no position to complain.  He was there to make diplomatic reparations and he knew his father would not be on his side in the matter.  Erros at one point poured an entire glass of wine on Thor’s head with a look that dared Thor to touch him.

Thor didn't, if only to avoid giving Erros his sought after satisfaction.

Erros exchanged correspondence with Loki and delighted in reading them to Thor.  He wrote of how ill-tempered Thor was, of his violence and tantrums, and Loki in turn wrote with sympathy that Erros had to put up with his ‘fool’ of a brother.

Erros was a master manipulator, he wrote in such phrases as would goad complement replies from Loki so that Loki’s own replies were new insults to Thor.  Loki mocked his brother’s intellect [or lack thereof], his brutish nature, his poor manners.

Thor seethed and wanted to throttle the pair of them.  But he could only bite his tongue.

Erros spent the first few weeks being as demeaning as possible.  He delighted in tormenting Thor in little ways that Thor had no recourse for.  If he tried to speak of them, Thor would sound petty or complaining.  Erros gave Thor vile nicknames, but the one that bothered him the most was ‘Golden Prince’.  The way Erros said it, the name that Thor already disliked, it sounded like the most patronizing of insults.

And then Erros turned his behavior around.  Suddenly he was cajoling, he acted as though he and Thor were old friends, he invited him to elvish parties as a participant.  Thor was obligated to go along even if it was framed as an invitation.

That was Thor’s introduction to substances as he’d never had them before.

Erros plied him with drink and Thor found that if he consumed enough, he became rather numb to his situation.  The rush in his head nearly drowned out the irritating drone of Erros’ voice.  And then he took Thor to a different kind of party, where the participants clearly had a physical desire in mind.  Gorgeous elves of varying genders and ages were present.  Thor had drunk before the party, he had not expected it, and thus found himself already impaired when Erros brought him.

Erros blew some manner of powder in Thor’s face that left him feeling weak and disoriented.

“You know, prince.”  Erros cooed in a way that made the noble title sound like a mutt’s name.  “It was never your gangly brother I wanted.  No, I heard such tales of Asgard’s perfect, golden prince.  I have a predilection, you see.  Some people enjoy building things up…I am oh so fond of breaking them down.”  he caught Thor’s chin in his hand as he shook it patronizingly and Thor shoved him off with a stumble.

“You really shouldn’t refuse me.”  Erros said as he tapped his fingers on a table.  “A reputation is easier to break than you can imagine.  Imagine what I could do to Loki’s reputation.  That creepy little-”

Thor caught Erros by the throat and slammed him to the ground only to nearly vomit at the sudden, aggressive move.

“That’s it!”  Erros laughed, as though it were the outcome he hoped for.  “Show me what a brute the golden prince is, I have been waiting, you dull-”  he stopped as he found a sword at his throat, that it seemed, had not been in his plans.

Odin had sent the newly minted warrior Sif to accompany Thor, along with the warrior Fandral who had himself been officially a warrior of Asgard only a few years longer than Sif.

It was Sif’s blade that pressed to Erros’ throat and Fandral who murmured a polite apology as he helped Thor to his feet and kept him steady.

“I am the son of a duke, you silly twit.”  Erros laughed at Sif.

“And you will be a dead son of a duke if you ever harm a prince of Asgard again.”  Sif said icily.

“You would threaten me?”

“Was a threat made?”  Fandral asked in a tone of mock-surprise.  “I heard no such thing.  Just as I am sure I did not see the substance forced onto an Odinson.”

Erros eyed Fandral with something like hunger as he nodded.  “Fair point, warrior.  Fine, I surrender.”  he crooned.

Sif lifted her blade with a look of disgust before she and Fandral took Thor back to his room.

It was the first time the trio spoke properly.  Fandral seemed to know of what Thor had been given and mixed an antidote of sorts.  When Thor grew ill, Sif respectfully held his hair back while Fandral fetched Thor a meal.

When he was sensible again, Thor was shame-faced and offered a rare apology.  “You should not have seen me in such a state…”

“My prince.  If I may?”  Fandral said kindly.  “You are not responsible for the actions of that vagabond, nor are you here by choice.  I assure you of my discretion, please think nothing of it.”

“And mine.”  Sif added firmly.  “I saw Erros in Asgard.  He struck me ill.”

“I did not see him but I can imagine feeling the same if I had.”  Fandral mused before he offered Thor a smile and clasped a hand over his heart.  “We were chosen by the Allfather, I recognize that you know little of our character.  But I swear on my father’s house, my sword is in your service, Prince Thor.  As is my loyalty.”

Sif mirrored Fandral’s gesture.  “I so swear the same.  I will not speak of what passed this night.  Unless you give me leave to testify against that slimy-”

“-Lady Sif.”  Fandral seemed amused though.

Sif looked faintly sheepish as she looked to Thor.  “Apologies, my prince.”  Her expression grew stern again.  “But he dared make attempt against you.”

Thor smiled faintly at the exchange, surprised at the fierce loyalty of the two.  “…It is Sif and Fandral, yes?”  When he received confirmation he rose and set a hand on each of their shoulders.  “Thank you for your aid.  I will not forget it.”

The trials of Erros were lessened by the newfound friendship with Sif and Fandral.  Erros could not easily bid Thor’s guards away, and he he had less freedom to act when he knew they would intercede.  But Erros still made a show, even in front of them, of taunting Thor with Loki’s letters.

And then came the day of Erros’ death.

Thor knew Erros was licentious, but he had not seen Erros be forceful with the many bed partners Thor saw in and out of Erros’ chambers.

Then a maid of the mansion came to Thor specifically and begged his aid for her friend.

Thor came upon a scene of Erros in the process of attempting to put himself upon a maid who resisted and plead for him to stop.

“Release her.”  Thor snarled as he approached, and Erros paused only long enough to smirk at Thor as he offered.

“What, you wish to jo-”

Thor grabbed Erros’ shirt with both hands as he hurled the man with unnatural force.  He had no particular aim but it happened that Erros crashed into the ajar balcony door.  Erros was carried by poor footing and momentum as he slammed into the low-built balcony fence and then fell straight over.

The maid had fled already, so it was Thor alone who watched in horror as Erros disappeared over the side.  He had not intended that.  Thor raced to the balcony even as he heard a scream and he stared down at Erros’ body.  A servant saw him and cried ‘murderer’ even as Thor staggered back.  “No…I…”  his words were to himself, shell-shocked by what had occurred.  Thor had slain beasts and killed in battle, but he had never simply killed an unarmed man, no matter how horrible.  There was no honor in that, it was not justice.

Sif and Fandral were not long behind, Thor gave them a breathless explanation and the pair looked grim.  He feared they would not believe him and was astounded when they were instantly on his side.

“It was an accident.”  Thor said.  “He was a terror, but I would never…I did not mean…”

Sif opened her mouth to speak but was beat to the punch by another voice.

“Of course you did not.”  The speaker was Faradel, uncle of Erros and acting duke until Erros inherited as Erros’ father had died.  “I have heard from the maid of what occurred…an unavoidable tragedy.”

“Unavoidable.”  Thor repeated.

Faradel entered the room with an expression of distaste as though he found the very air dirty before he looked to Thor with an almost fatherly expression of sympathy.  “Wicked deeds meet wicked ends.”  he said, as though it were a sensible summation of what occurred.

A handful of maids entered the room then, along with a pair of servants, and Thor recognized two immediately as they curtsied to him and began to clean the room.  Faradel looked at Thor expectantly.

“...You planned this.”  Thor breathed, the maids were the one who had come specifically to ask his aid and the one that had been with Erros when Thor entered.  “He was your nephew…why?”

Faradel must have been confident indeed in the loyalty of his staff and his upper hand as he said blatantly.  “The dukedom would have been run into the ground by that salacious upstart.  He was a pestilence in elven skin.  I am now the duke.  And you will find a ready ally in me, Prince Thor.”  he said, a touch mockingly.  “Rest assured.  I will tell the Allfather that you had naught to do with the terrible accident.  And a good thing, I should think, given that he seems inclined not to take your word on matters.”

Thor felt his mouth go dry as he wondered suddenly just how far Faradel’s plotting went.

“Come now, you need not look so upset.  What you did was nothing short of a good and princely deed.  And I, Faradel, Duke of Fallaway, do heartily thank you.”  he said as spun his hand with a derisive half-bow.

“I will tell of what was done here.”  Thor said.  “I will not be party to your scheming.”

“We both know you will not.”  Faradel said with a sigh.  “Forget you how you came to be here?  Your word held no value.  Your reputation preceded you, I am afraid you do have a rather notorious temper.  You left Erros in quite a state.  And now here you have been seen looming over the very scene of his death.”

“We would speak for him.”  Sif said defiantly.

Faradel smiled patronizingly and gave a short pair of claps.  The maids and servants in the room immediately filed into a line and stood stiffly.  “Who threw my nephew from the balcony.  All may answer.”  In virtual unison the serving staff all spoke ‘Prince Thor of Asgard’.  He looked back at Thor.  “Does it make more sense that I, a doting and loyal uncle, would arrange such a fate for Erros?  Or does it not ring more truly that Asgard’s infamously fiery prince took his strength too far in his anger?”

Thor gritted his teeth, the sense of injustice over the situation galled him, nearly as much as the truth of Faradel’s words.

“Reputations.”  Faradel said with a cluck of his tongue reminiscent of Erros.  “So easily broken.”

“I see where he gets it from.”  Thor snarled.

“I was the only decent influence that cretin had.”  Faradel said as he dismissed the servants back to their work.  “But he was poor material to start with.  Now.” he said as his tone turned friendly.  “You have two choices before you, Prince of Asgard.  You may assuage your noble conscience and speak your version of the truth.  I am rather confident of the poor results you will receive in return.  Or you may say nothing, and let me speak for you, as your newly gained ally.  I will tell the Allfather of your exemplary behavior here, and that you were in no way involved with the unfortunate business here.”

--

Thor returned to Asgard two weeks later with Sif and Fandral in tow.  He had not even greeted his parents yet when Loki found him first.

“I know it was you!  You killed him!”  Loki shouted as he got into his older brother’s face.  He slammed a fist against Thor’s chest, then another.

Thor caught Loki’s wrists when Loki made another attempt though he let Loki tug his hands back.

“You are a spoiled, selfish brute!  You could not bear me to have a friend who wasn’t yours, could you?”  Loki snarled.

“Prince Loki-”  Fandral started only to earn a glare from Loki.

“-I did not give you leave to speak.”  Loki snapped.

Thor’s temper was low in him.  He had felt wrong since Alfheim.  The injustice of what happened with Faradel burned him.  He would have gladly admitted his own part, he wanted to, Thor valued honor and integrity.  It was cowardly to hide what he did, the death was not honorable.

But Faradel was right, Thor and Asgard would be disgraced if Faradel came against him and Thor’s word had already been tarnished.  That was clear enough.

So though it felt like swallowing shards of glass; Thor swallowed his pride, his honor, and the truth as he went along with the lie that made him feel like his skin was crawling.  He hated that Faradel profited off of using him, that the schemer was rewarded for orchestrating kin-slaying and for self-gain no less.

Thor felt numb, laid-low by the entire situation, exhausted and thoroughly done with the whole affair when Loki came upon him.

“Yell at me if you must, but do not speak so to my friends.”  Thor said as he stepped between them with a frown.

“You are unbelievable!”  Loki glared into Thor’s eyes as he moved closer.  “I know it was you.  Tell me, did he have his back turned when you pushed him-”

Thor grabbed Loki by a fistful of his shirt as he pulled him closer and snarled with a sudden, furious glare.  “Never speak such words again.”

“What?  The truth?”  Loki pried Thor’s hands away.  “You are the worst brother!”  Loki spat before he stormed off towards the palace.

Thor took the words like a blow but said nothing.  He felt every bit as monstrous as Loki would have him out to be.

--xx--

Silence fell for several minutes as Thor finished his recounting.

Loki was, for once, rendered mute by the exchange.  What Thor described was nightmarish.  And a manipulation, either by Erros and Faradel separately or perhaps somehow Faradel all along.

Loki had played right into Erros’ hands.  He was so flattered to receive attention and praise from the charming, well-spoken elvish noble.  Elves were notoriously picky when it came to interactions with non-elves.  He had reveled in being chosen over Thor for once, in finding a friend who seemed intelligent and interesting.  Loki had been furious that Thor couldn’t even let him have that much.  And when he’d found out Erros had died…he had been aghast.  Loki felt in part responsible, that if he’d not helped [inadvertently] ensure his brother went to Alfheim then Erros would still be alive.  Or if he’d just bitten his tongue and listened to Thor, even though he should not have had to.  Loki had blamed Thor, he had thought him horribly brutish for what he’d done.  He avoided his brother for weeks, and his ire only grew with the way the lady Sif looked at him.  Like Loki was the one who had done wrong.

Thor always acted so high and mighty, so self-righteous, and Loki held onto the incident as an example of what a hypocrite his brother was.  He had let his temper get the better of him such that he’d killed a decent man for petty reasons.  That was what Loki had thought.

Loki had delivered Thor to a wretch who had nearly, perhaps, had the distinction of taking advantage of Thor Odinson.

And in defense of Loki’s feelings and honor no less.

Loki was furious: at himself, at Erros, at Thor.  This was such a sterling piece of the evidence he had for why Thor was so unworthy, why Thor was terrible, why he didn’t truly value and care about Loki.  What sort of man was that to be king?

To have the story so flipped around, to find that Thor had acted in defense of him and not against him, it agonized Loki.  It felt unreasonably unfair.  Somehow similar to the way that things went so wrong when Loki tried them.  When Thor invaded Jotunheim, he got a slap on the wrist, but when Loki did it…he was met with disappointment, he was met with Thor stopping him like Loki was the one off-balance.  The monster.

And without even knowing what lay beneath Loki’s Aesir skin.

Loki had acted to help Erros, Erros had been the victim, Thor had been the one in the wrong.

And now it was all backwards.  Loki had been played by someone he had come to consider a friend, manipulated into acting against his brother, and to great detriment to Thor.

Who was apparently trying to help Loki.

Loki snarled as he grabbed a handful of pebbles and flung them at Thor who looked angry.

“What was that for?”  Thor demanded.

“Because you are intolerable.”  Loki raged as he clenched his hands in frustration before he made a low, pained noise as he seemed to deflate.  “The Mighty Thor.  So unfailingly noble.”  The jabs sounded tired as Loki stared into the fire with an almost glum expression.  “You should have told me.”  he whispered.

Thor was taken aback by Loki’s sudden, seemingly random anger and then Loki seemed to falter all at once as he grew quiet.  He hesitated before he replied.  “Perhaps…but even to speak the words to you would have caused me pain.”

Loki shot Thor an incredulous look.  “You have mocked me for my sorcery for centuries!”  he shouted.

“What has that to do with this?”  Thor asked, almost bewildered.

“That was one of the insults, was it not?  A sorcerer being on his back.”

“I was more concerned with you being called a bastard, Loki, but aye.  That was among them.”  Thor growled.

“Well, surprise, I may as well be one.”  Loki laughed, too forced and too bitter as his shoulders shook before his head drooped.  “That or worse.”  he said, almost too quietly to hear.

Thor debated his options briefly before he reached a decision as he moved to sit beside Loki.

“What are you doing, you o-”

Loki fell quiet as Thor slipped an arm around Loki and pulled his brother against his side as he stared pointedly into the fire and said nothing.  He felt Loki’s eyes on him before he felt Loki lean against him as one of Loki’s arms loped around his back and hugged his waist.

The brothers stayed that way for a time, silent as they held they each other and watched the green, flickering flame.

“I did not truly want you dead, brother.”  Loki’s voice was quiet, almost hesitant.

Thor wasn’t sure if that was entirely true, all things considered.  But he didn’t think Loki intended the words as a lie, so he accepted them all the same.  Thor squeezed his brother a little tighter as he brushed his thumb back and forth on Loki’s shoulder.  He thought of replies but feared ruining the moment by saying the wrong thing, and Thor had a sense that Loki needed the comfort.  A strange place to end up given how brutal Loki had been since their arrival, but Thor always fell back on caring for his brother.  He could not do otherwise.  Thor decided to be a touch daring as he pressed a kiss to the top of Loki’s head as he’d not done in years.  He felt Loki stiffen and said softly.  “I am glad you are my brother, Loki.”

He felt Loki’s long, slow inhale and the faint tremble that seemed to follow.  If Thor felt a hint of wetness on his shirt, he made no mention as he continued to hold his brother and watch the fire.

Thor let himself hope this was a sign of things to come, that he and Loki could mend and move forward honestly...Home would not be home without his little brother in it, and he would make Loki see that when they returned.

Chapter Text

The brothers slept under a shared cloak again after spending awhile tucked together by the fire.  Loki could, for a moment, almost pretend it was one of countless nights over the centuries that he and Thor had quested together.  One of many campsites overlooked by a blanket of stars and the sounds of nature around them.  But Jotunheim was quiet, with an eerie stillness that left Loki in a state of constant unease even though he’d hidden it well.  Thor again entered slumber before Loki so he was able to study Thor’s face in the flickering mage-light.  He looked so utterly diminished, so unlike himself, and the sight no longer gave Loki pleasure.  For the first time since they’d fallen to the monstrous realm, Loki allowed himself the stirrings of guilt over what he’d wrought.  He could never go ‘home’, not now, and it would never truly be home again anyway.  Loki was a frost giant, enemy of Asgard, a monster…and he’d proven that well enough by his own hand.  He had no choice but to move forward, he to what power he could scrape for himself in a realm of monsters and Thor to his damned golden throne.

Loki let the barest brush of his fingertip trail down Thor’s unnaturally cold cheek.  His brother’s nose scrunched but Thor didn’t stir, proof further that mortality had ill-affected the thunderer.

“Did you think I would not accept you if I learned you were adopted?”

“Even so, it makes no difference to me, Loki.  You have always been my brother and will always be so.  There is nothing that would make me turn from you.”

Loki’s fingers curled as he pulled them from Thor’s face and thought, and they call me the God of Lies...

--

The next day of travel was surprisingly light-hearted, as if neither man could bear to speak of the issues between them in the sliver of peace they’d found.  Thor was far from his robust self, a shade of his former joviality, but his forced cheer didn’t go unnoticed by the trickster.  Loki, in turn, allowed the pretense and even graciously offered a few tales for his brother’s pleasure.  A last, kind illusion for Thor’s sake before the inevitable conclusion.

Of course, the moment was nearly broken when Loki recounted a tale a little differently than Thor.  He furrowed his brow incredulously at Loki’s claim to have slain the particular beast and Loki bristled.  Perhaps it had shown on Loki’s face or perhaps Thor had finally gained a sliver of sense because after a slight hesitation he conceded that he may have misremembered.  After a tense silence, Thor even offered a polite little apology that mollified Loki.

--

Thor felt fit to fall apart, that was the truth of the matter, but he did his best to keep strong in front of Loki.  He was wary of their sudden truce and Loki’s feelings even if longed for the change to be true.  Loki had a familiar glint in his eye and had even deigned to spin a few silver-tongued tales, like the old days.  Thor realized he’d crossed some invisible line though when Loki’s mood soured at a disagreement between them and he feared Loki would revert to the fury he’d displayed at the start of their journey.   He swallowed his misgivings and conceded the ground to Loki who after a bit of sullen silence, relaxed.  The facsimile of camaraderie returned between the pair and Thor resolved to make it genuine between them again.

He was angry, buried down with other feelings he didn’t dare let erupt in the current situation, but not in the same way he had been.  Thor had found Loki irrational and maddened, he’d been furious at his brother’s actions.  But more and more he’d come to realize that Loki acted from a well of hurts and slights Thor hadn’t even been able to fathom.  The shock on Loki’s face at the ‘revelation’ about Erros had left a bad taste in his mouth though.  Loki almost seemed disturbed by the news, as though it troubled him somehow to find that Thor wasn’t the wicked instigator he’d assumed.  He also hadn’t realized how deeply Loki had clutched the perceived offense.  How many little grudges did Loki carry?  Did he expect Thor, in some way, to answer for them all?  He swallowed the bitterness too that came with the thought.

There was much that would be changed on their return to Asgard but nothing, Thor hoped, that the brothers couldn’t weather.

--

Loki could feel it in his bones, and what a discomfiting strangeness that was.  He’d felt similarly in some small way the first time he’d gone to Jotunheim and again when he met with Laufey to arrange his eventual murder.  A feeling similar to the sensation of being in a room filled with people, the prickle of awareness that others were about, but different.  He could sense the [other] frost giants.

Revulsion passed through him and something too close to self-loathing for him to examine too closely.  He dragged his nails across the hand that had first turned Jotun-blue and felt a skin-crawling sensation wash over him.  The Aesir appearance was the illusion, the false skin, and just the thought brought bile and bitterness to Loki’s throat.  A familiar anger surged in him and he cast a sneer at Thor for a brief instant, beyond Thor’s notice, but it all at once left him with a dizzying sort of tiredness.  A weariness that he couldn’t shake.  His monstrosity wasn’t Thor’s doing and being envious of Thor-of what he was and what Loki never would be-served no purpose.  Not then and not now.

Thor stumbled and nearly dropped to his knees, Loki couldn’t help a slight flinch as he caught his once indomitable older brother by the arm.  He looked embarrassed, or ashamed perhaps, but he clearly needed the assistance as he let himself lean briefly on Loki.  As he showed Loki trust despite all that had happened since their arrival.  The trickster would have reveled in that once but as things stood…it only put an ashen taste in his mouth.  “We’re nearly there, brother.”  Loki soothed and Thor couldn’t disguise the hope in his own weary expression.

“You sense a portal?”

Loki put a thin, false smile to his lips and squeezed his brother’s bicep reassuringly.  “I feel it.”  he lied and Thor exhaled in relief.

“Then we are almost home.”

Loki bit his tongue as different replies danced in his mind, he held his silence so long that Thor’s weak smile slipped.

“Brother?”

The word, mocking in a promise that couldn’t be kept, in all the lies it held.  A temptation that Loki was almost weak enough to long for.

But that too would serve no purpose, not then and not now.

“I thought we would have a little more time.”  Loki admitted under his breath and he saw Thor squint in confusion at the words, at what Thor undoubtedly saw as some implication that Loki wished them to stay longer.  The younger man had intended to show Thor a little more sweetness in honor of Thor’s efforts, in honor of the fact they would soon be parted for good…two sons of the crown set adrift.

Sons of different crowns, anyway.

“Loki, what-”

Loki knew Thor was no actor and he would protest Loki’s actions, at least until the truth.  He couldn’t have Thor make a mess of what was to come, Loki needed this to work for both of their sakes.  So Loki put on a pretense for Thor one last time as he abruptly Thor to the ground.  He kept his expression carefully neutral as Thor fell heavily and groaned in pain, still sore from previous injury and ill-treatment.  The same pitiful confusion lit Thor’s eyes as he looked up at Loki with a wounded expression and it somehow annoyed Loki that Thor’s typical anger didn’t surface.  He wanted Thor’s fury and outrage, he wanted Thor to fight…he wanted an excuse to hate himself a little less for what was necessary.  What he told himself was necessary.

Loki focused as he glamoured his appearance until he looked suitably regal again, in the very regalia he’d worn when he’d fought Thor on the Bifrost.

“Loki.”  Thor spoke his brother’s name as a question and accusation as he fumbled to his feet.

Loki tilted his chin as he looked on Thor with practiced impassiveness and waved a hand with an arcing flash of green.  Rope materialized and with a twist of his hands it wound itself around Thor’s arms tightly.  His magic had suffered for their time in the void and Jotunheim but he had enough strength to do what must be done.  “This has been amusing, Thor.  Watching you trip about as a mortal, watching you beg and plead for my favor.”  he mocked and saw Thor’s eyes widen, he didn’t dwell on the flash of hurt he saw there.  He couldn’t.  “But all good things must come to an end.”

Thor’s mouth opened and closed with an aborted reply, he looked almost bewildered and Loki fixed the would-be thunderer with a mocking smirk.

“Have you lost what little wits you had?  No matter.  I need no words from you anyway.”  he drawled as he summoned a strip of cloth to hand and hauled Thor forward by the shirt.  He used Thor’s imbalance to snake his hands around Thor’s face and tie the cloth in a gag around his mouth.  Loki finally saw anger flash in Thor’s expression but a weakened, mortal man wasn’t able to break free of the bindings.  What a sight they must make, Loki in king’s garb and Thor bound in common clothes.

Loki had a flash of memory that transposed itself over Thor, of a younger, grinning thunderer as he looked at his little brother proudly.

He blinked and the apparition was gone, replaced by Thor who shoved into Loki’s face and growled wrath into the gag.  Unimpressed, Loki caught the loose length of rope at the end of the bindings on Thor’s arms and tugged him forward.  “Sad to say.”  he said in a tone that oozed false sympathy.  “There is no portal, brother.  But worry not, I will see that you are returned to Asgard.  You will make an excellent bargaining chip, after all.”

--

Thor felt rage but beneath it he struggled to comprehend his brother’s actions through his muddled mind.  Even with all of Loki’s little spells, Thor as a mortal [even as god] wasn’t meant for long periods in Jotunheim.  He had taken too much abuse, his body was too slow to heal and undernourished, and he’d had little rest.  Loki’s sudden betrayal made no sense, a bargaining chip for what?  Why did it sound as though Loki meant Thor to return alone?  He stumbled but kept his footing as Loki led him by the rope like a beast and he glared at his brother as he willed Loki to turn around and answer to him.  But Loki kept his eyes ahead as he walked with confidence and lead them towards whatever end Loki had apparently planned.

Had all their hints of reconciliation been a lie?  But for what purpose?  Thor had been sure he’d gotten through to his brother…none of it made sense and he was so damned tired.

Minutes passed, or maybe hours, when Thor finally saw where Loki had taken them.  His mouth went dry as his mortal body thrummed with an uncharacteristic fear.  Frost giants cast cold, red-eyed gazes their way as Loki approached and they tilted their spears his direction.

Loki smiled winningly and in a voice Thor had heard so many times, his laying-the-charm-on-thick voice, he spoke.  “I’m here to see whoever it is you call ‘king’ these days.  My condolences for the last one.”  he added without any sincerity.

Thor’s eyes widened, Loki was going to get them killed-

“Son of Odin.”  One of the Jotnar hissed before he peered at Thor.

The Jotnar guards, or what Thor took to be guards as they stood outside the natural formations of rocks that seemed to function as a gate to a small…city of sorts, muttered to each other in the Jotnar language.

“What is this?”  The other Jotun finally snarled.  “You dare show your faces here?”

“If you seek death, then we are glad to grant it.”  The other one spoke again.

Half of Jotunheim was in ruins because of Loki’s use of the Bifrost but all the Jotnar would know was that the Bifrost was used, not necessarily that Loki had done so.  The ‘city’ such as it was, looked more like a collection of ice-formed dwellings and crude structures.

“I seek an audience with your king.”  Loki repeated.  “Or is that too hard to understand?”

Loki had gone mad, Thor decided, absolutely mad-

One of the guards made as if to attack Loki and with great speed the trickster shoved Thor aside and summoned his daggers.  He dodged a strike from the spear and stabbed once in the frost giant’s side before he stabbed him in the neck.  The guard made a choked noise as he fell and Loki squared up as the other guard approached.

“Enough.”  A cold voice echoed behind the guards as a thickly-muscled Jotun approached with a small retinue.  He glanced at the fallen guard with a look of disgust and then his lip curled as he looked to Loki.  “How soon the conniver returns.”

Loki eyed the newcomer and waited until the other guard had reluctantly stepped back before he cast his daggers back to his pocket realm and snatched Thor’s rope back up.  “Conniver?”  he asked innocently.  “I am sure I know not what you mean."

The newly arrived frost giant managed to look both stony and hateful as he narrowed his eyes down at Loki.  “Do not play fool with me.”  he bared his teeth.  “You led my father and brother to their deaths, filthy Aesir.”

“Ah.  That.  You must be Byleistr, then?”  Loki clicked his tongue and gave a little half-shrug as though it couldn’t be helped.  “None of it would have happened if you lot had stolen the Casket properly in the first place.”

Thor froze at that as the implications of the exchange pierced his mind.  Loki had admitted to letting the guards in but he had spoken nothing of Laufey and the other.  His brother had defended their father from the intruders…had he let the frost giants in again?

“But you owe me your lives.”  Loki continued.  “You have me to thank for stopping the Bifrost.”

Thor stared at his brother, aghast.

Byleistr, son of Laufey, wore a murderous expression at the open admission of the Bifrost attack.  “To thank?”  he repeated venomously.

“To make short a long story.”  Loki proceeded as though Byleistr hadn’t spoken.  “Thor here.”  he tugged the rope and hurled Thor to his knees.  “Tried to usurp me as I held Odin’s throne as regent.  He managed instead to activate the Bifrost…I stopped him as soon as I could, of course.  If not for that…your realm would be here no longer.”  he lied smoothly.

Thor had felt in all ways halved, barely himself in any way that mattered.  His own survival had depended on keeping a cool head because to confront his brother aggressively would have been the greatest of foolish acts.  And he had, more and more, been empathizing with his brother and Loki’s perception of their relationship.  He had been trying to be a good brother, a good prince, a good man and listen as Loki so often accused Thor of not doing.  But he could trust none of it: not Loki’s so called hurts or his seeming moments of vulnerability.  Was his brother even adopted?  Was that too some con on Loki’s part to manipulate Thor?  And he’d fallen for it, soothed Loki and reassured him even as Loki repaid Thor with violence and vitriol.  Finally, finally a familiar rage better suited for a god than a mortal flared in Thor as he dug his scratched his fingers on the unyielding, icy ground.  What had Thor done to deserve such betrayal?  He would give his life to save his little brother but Loki had taken it and for what?  Thor gritted his teeth and let the rage burn, it felt more lively than the perpetual wrong-footed feeling he’d had since being rendered mortal and finding out his brother wished him dead.

“I did not truly want you dead, brother.”

A lie, clearly another lie, because Loki looked prepared to offer up Thor as a scapegoat for his own misdeeds.

--

Byleistr wanted to snap the neck of the smug little Aes prince with his own hands.  He didn’t know why the thunder-god was bound at the trickster’s side, nor what the youngest Odinson wanted.  But clearly Loki took him for a fool and no doubt sought his death as he’d sought for Laufey and Helblindi.  He liked to think he could take the little Aes but the risk was great and his desire for the deaths of the Odinsons was greater.  Byleistr would let Loki think him simple just long enough to turn whatever trick this was against him.  He bared his teeth again in a crooked sneer.  “Come in, then, Aes-ling.”  he beckoned backwards.  “You will tell me what you have come for and why you bring the thunderer trussed up like a suckling boar.”

Thor glared up at Byleistr from his place on his knees and the cold look he received back put another unbidden chill of fear down his spine.  The mortal body had instincts his godly body did not.

Loki all but beamed.  “It would be my pleasure.”

--

Not even an hour from their arrival and Loki’s plan had fallen apart, which was how Loki ended up with Byleistr’s enormous hand around his throat as his feet kicked and dangled in the air.

The brothers had been taken to what passed for a banquet hall and royal court.  A large room of carved and natural ice lit only by glowing moss and a few stray orbs that seemed magical in origin.  Thor squinted in the absence of what light the sky above had offered as he struggled to adjust.  Loki, as though he owned the place, casually summoned a handful of mage lights that hovered at the ceiling and earned noises of displeasure from some of the frost giants present.

The sight of so many giants while he was mortal, bound, and unarmed made Thor’s stomach drop and he was certain he and his mad little brother were about to die.

Byleistr leaned against the side of a carved stone table after exchanging words with what appeared to be a female Jotun.  She tilted her head at whatever her prince said before she met Thor’s gaze with a toothy grin that made him shudder.

Heimdall.  Thor thought urgently against hope.  Heimdall, if you can see us, we need aid now.

The Bifrost would make it difficult but not impossible to reach them and it had been days…why hadn’t their father come for them?  Why had Heimdall not reached them?

What the Hel was Loki planning?

Loki hadn’t paid Thor more than a passing glance since the mess had started and he found himself forced along behind his brother as Loki surveyed the room.

Byleistr and Loki began an exchange that confirmed to Thor that Loki had been responsible for Laufey nearly killing Odin.  He claimed that there had been no way to avoid it, that the guards and Allmother were too close at hand and then all of Asgard would have been obliged to avenge the Allfather.  Loki spoke of how Thor’s reckless incursion to Jotunheim [he left the bit about it being partially his doing out] had gotten him banished and how Thor had attached Loki on his return.  How that attack had regrettably resulted in the Bifrost attack and how Loki had stopped it at the cost of the rainbow bridge.

Thor listened to his brother in disbelief as Loki went to the trouble of actually portraying some of the emotions he claimed and it looked genuine.  His disappointment at Thor, his regret about the attack on Jotunheim, his apparent disdain for Asgard…which he explained in a way that left Thor reeling.

“I was stolen by the Allfather.”  Loki said resolutely as he wove a tale for the audience.  He had to get them on his side, he had to seem competent and powerful.  Odin had left him as regent, he had stopped the Bifrost, he had bested Thor and now here he was to take back his story in the only way he could.  He would make a grand reveal of his filthy heritage then make a claim for the throne on the basis of blood and that he could guarantee them the Casket in exchange for Thor.  His broth-the true and only Prince of Asgard-would be safely whisked away and Loki would have some meager consolation prize.  He could turn Jotunheim into something salvageable and wielding the Casket to spite Odin would be a petty thrill.  Loki’s best option, or so he had been convincing himself.  He carefully kept his eyes averted from Thor both to seem uncaring and because he didn’t wish to see the look on Thor’s face.  Thor would feel well and truly betrayed, unaware of Loki’s motives…and he would learn of Loki’s parentage…  “He was knee-deep in Jotun blood when he stole me…from these very lands.”

Thor tensed and stared openly at his brother, he had regained his footing and for the first time managed to make brief eye-contact with Loki as he rolled the implication over in his mind.  The words didn’t make sense…they were impossible…another lie, no doubt, but what was it all for?

Speech erupted amongst the Jotnar in the room before Byleistr hushed them with a yell and looked at Loki as though he couldn’t believe the godling’s audacity.  “What fresh lie is this?”  he sneered.

Loki had to play the next bit carefully.  He knew in some ways the Casket, tucked safely away in his pocket dimension, would have made a better dramatic prop.  But he needed an excuse to ensure Thor’s safety and besides, if they knew he had the Casket at hand the Jotnar might try to kill Loki as well.  He could still use the idea of the Casket though, to lure them in.  “I found out by chance.”  he again continued as though Byleistr hadn’t spoken.  “I had suspicions after Prince Thor’s attack on Jotunheim.”  he could practically sense Thor’s ire at that remark, amongst other things.  “I touched the Casket.”  he held up his hand as he tilted it palm to back wonderingly.  “My appearance changed…the appearance you see is but a fiction, crafted by the Allfather.”

Byleistr looked almost alarmed for a brief instant as he exchanged glance with the female Jotun before his eyes narrowed.  “Do you think I will believe these lies?”  he snarled.  “I will string you and your cunt brother up as offerings to Ymir.  Let us see what the Allfather thinks then."

And again, because it wasn’t Byleistr that Loki needed to win over, he pressed on.  “I am Loki, son of Laufey.”  he declared.  “I have a blood claim to the throne-”

“-You dare-”  Byleistr started to roar.

“-And I have taken the Odinson for my prisoner.  I will treat with the Allfather.”  Loki declared.  “The Odinson for the Casket.  The damage from the Bifrost will be nothing if the Casket is here and in worthy hands.  A king’s hands.”

The words had to be false, they had to be.  Loki was not truly proclaiming before the court of Jotunheim that he was a son of Laufey…that wasn’t possible.  None of that made sense…the very idea that their father-that Odin-would claim some random Jotun child in the midst of battle…it was ridiculous.  Thor briefly searched his mind for his earliest memories of Loki but he recalled only meeting a babe, he had known nothing of pregnancy then or what to look for.  He had been presented with an infant brother and been glad of the new arrival.  All of Asgard would have known though if Frigga had not been with child then suddenly had an infant….Loki must be Asgardian…the whole story was a lie, it had to be.

Spears were raised and furious voices rang out in what passed for a hall.  Loki did his best to appear calm and resolute, a picture of confidence and regality.  He pointedly did not look at Thor and when his brother tried to approach a casual flick of his hand forced Thor back onto his mortal knees.

The female Jotun spoke in hushed tones to Byleistr whose expression went blank a moment before he began to laugh.

Loki had expected anger, a raised spear to the face perhaps, but not laughter.  He watched Jotunheim’s king carefully as Byleistr approached and prepared to summon his daggers to hand.  Loki did his best to put himself a little more between Thor and Byleistr without it looking intentional.  He wasn’t about to let his brother die to these monsters, all irony aside given their very recent history.

“You claim to be the runt?”  Byleistr might have sounded amused if not for how chillingly malicious his tone was.

“What?”  Loki hadn’t expected that either and was momentarily thrown by Byleistr’s demeanor and question.

“You know what happens when a Jotnar shits out a runt?”  Byleistr grinned, all tooth and malice.  “It’s left to die.  Weak.  Useless.  Unwanted.”  he stepped closer.  “Unneeded.”

The female jotun spoke then, dressed in a necklace of bones and other items that made her seem like one who worked with magic-craft.  “Laufey did have a child in the war-times.”  she conceded.  “To think, Odin Allfather picked up Laufey’s waste.”

Jeers then, from the other Jotnar, who for the most part seemed to have dismissed whatever reservations they felt at the sudden admission from ‘Loki Odinson’ with the knowledge that he was-if anything-merely a runt.

“Never has a runt sat the throne of Jotunheim.”  Byleistr said and sounded pleased to say so.  “And never will they.”

Loki’s mind raced to adjust with the mood of the room and the new information.  Odin had said Loki had been left to die but he hadn’t been sure he’d believed it and either way…Loki was still…still…a son of Laufey.  A royal by blood, or so he he had thought, he didn’t realize how deeply Jotnar culture was set against so-called ‘runts’.  He swallowed hard as whatever hint of momentum he felt he’d gained with the room turned into animosity and mocking.  “First time for everything.”  he tried to sound collected even as his heart-rate increased and the thread of anxiety in him began to grow.  “I am the only chance Jotunheim has of ever being more...this realm has become a wasteland.  But I can save it.  With the Casket, I-”

Loki didn’t sense the movement, he felt only a prickle of magic at the edge of his senses before he found Byleistr before him.  He barely had time to start to stagger back before a hand the size of his head clamped around his throat and Loki wheezed as he gripped Byleistr’s wrist instinctively.  A feeling of deepest chill came over him, different than the feel of the Casket, as frost giant flesh touched his own.  Loki gasped as his vision changed, as his eyes became the red of a frost-giant and better suited for the dark.  The chill no longer tugged at the edge of his glamour, it felt comfortable as his skin turned blue and lined with the heritage marks that announced him as undeniably Laufey’s progeny.  Pinpricks darkened his vision as he summoned a dagger while he clutched at Byleistr with the other.  Byleistr’s grip tightened though and Loki swore he heard a crack as pain assailed him and his hand spasmed, the dagger clattered to the floor.

He was going to die, Loki realized, having gravely miscalculated.  Loki would die a nobody, a cast-off of two realms, and Thor would die with him.  Thor.  He would see now what Loki was and he would watch Loki die thinking that his adopted brother was purely a traitor.  Thor would never know that, in addition to saving himself, Loki had been trying to save Thor too.

--

Loki’s monologue had sickened Thor more with each moment that passed even as disbelief struck him.  But then, of all things, the Jotnar court seemed to play along and spoke of some runt of Laufey’s supposedly left to die.  Thor had heard something before about the Jotnar killing off their weaker offspring, he’d thought them monsters either way and hadn’t paid much attention but was this an off-shoot of that?  Were there giants born small, giants who were left to die rather than given the chance to live?

Was…was it possible that Loki was such a child?  That he was…born of Laufey?

Byleistr had laughed, cold and cruel, and Thor knew before Loki that his schemes had failed.  The room had been dangerous already but any chance of survival had left with Loki’s gall as he attempted to bargain away the throne right in front of Jotunheim’s current king.  Thor felt dizzy and light-headed but pushed himself to his feet again as Loki tensed at Byleistr’s approach.  Some part of him had a still-protective instinct and wanted to put himself between his brother and the threat.  Another part wanted to throttle Loki senseless for the whole mess.  Another he didn’t have time to decipher as the air in front of Loki seemed to flicker a moment and then Byleistr was no longer where he had been.

Thor had seen enough magic-users in his life to recognize the signs and his gaze flicked back to the female frost giant.  She had done something, an illusion, perhaps.  He got only as far as that thought before his attention was forced back to Loki.  Byleistr had snatched him by the throat and Thor immediately shouted into his gag as he tugged futilely at his bindings.  Loki looked small, smaller than ever in the grip of a giant as he flailed desperately but Thor was struck by what happened in that instant.  He watched as Loki’s form seemed to melt away, as pale Aesir skin was chased away by the dark blue of a frost giant.  Thor couldn’t see Loki’s eyes at his angle but he could guess what they’d look like…by the Norns…it was true.

Loki was a frost giant.  The son of Laufey.

Everything had been a lie.