Chapter Text
r/AmItheAsshole
LuckyBucky
AITA for kicking my best friend’s gf out of his hospital room?
OK, bear with me, because this sounds bad, I know that. But I think I may be in the right here, but I’ve got mixed feelings, and I just desperately need a sounding board.
So, I (30M) have a best friend (E, 34M). His son is my other best friend (C, 10M), and E got a gf (A, 27F). Now, E and A started dating during COVID times, which I was a little wary about, but I decided to let it go. A was C’s former teacher two years ago, she is now a vice principal at another school. E told me back then that there was a connection, but C got hurt on her watch, and E said that any chance of that was dead.
I should preface everything with the fact that I am completely, hopelessly, head-over-heels, ass-over-boots, make-myself-stupid in love with E. This is just a fact that I’ve lived with for years now, and E is very much a heterosexual, and I will do nothing about these feelings. Once E told me that he had a date with A, I decided I’d take a step back.
Up until then, since E’s wife/C’s mom passed away, I have been helping out with them. I’ve been taking C to doctor’s appointments when E can’t, I’ve helped find extra childcare (C has cerebral palsy, which affects his motor skills and functions/speech/etc but he’s so smart and independent, but because of this he needed extra support), I buy groceries, I cook for them since we’ve kicked E out of the kitchen since he almost burned the house down. I clean, I do laundry, I used to hang out with them every night I could before E and A started dating, but now, I don’t. I tried to take a step back so that I was just hanging out with C since I do have some self-preservation (despite what everyone around me says), but E was very particular about that not happening.
When they got together and C found out, he was furious. He ran away from home to my place, and I found him in front of my apartment sometime past sundown. I had just gotten home from my neighbor’s, and he was sitting outside my front door, really upset. I called his dad, and while he was on his way, C and I talked and he told me that he was upset about people leaving and didn’t want to meet someone else just to lose them, and I promised he’d never lose me. I took that very seriously and I will and almost have died for that child without a second thought. We were in the tsunami together, so it actually was a near thing. After his mom died, he latched onto me, and I promised him, E, and myself that I’d do anything I could for him.
Anyway, E was hurt about a week ago. He was in a coma for about eight days, and during this time I had to meet and get close to his gf. I don’t like her. I can’t really tell if it’s because I am in love with E or if she just genuinely is someone I don’t like, but something about her rubs me the wrong way. When she found out E was hurt, she never once asked about C, though they’d been around each other regularly since E/A got together, and she refused to give me updates while she was in the hospital with E, where she stayed even though she could have come to see C (I was the one taking care of C even though she was always saying she should have more control over C since she was ‘the girlfriend’).
Because of COVID rules and the nature of E’s injury, only one person was allowed at a time, and they had to be approved by his next of kin (me), and once I agreed to let her in, A refused to leave. This meant E’s friends and family couldn’t come see him. E has a grandmother and aunt who were dying to see him, our coworkers/family were asking me relentlessly if they could drop by to see him. I had to tell them they couldn’t because A wouldn’t leave. The only reason I could be there while A was there was specifically because I was his NoK and power of attorney, so I had to be there to make medical decisions (A did not like this and was telling the doctors constantly that E would’ve wanted her to be making the decisions)(she also uses E’s full name even though literally no one calls him that and I know for a fact from both E and C that he’s asked her to stop no less than a dozen times. She doesn’t).
E woke up yesterday and, according to A, the first thing he asked for was me (the petty part of me LOVES this). I went and was able to see him awake, but since A was there we had to just FaceTime C while he was with his regular caretaker. This was the first time I’d really met A in person, and thus I was finally able to get a full idea of her. From my perspective, she was rude and entitled, and she tried to get me to leave multiple times. I told her I wasn’t leaving since E was awake and now there were more medical decisions to make. She kept trying to say since she was ‘the gf’ she should be making those decisions. Mind you, they’ve been together for four months.
E was barely conscious at this point and right before he fell asleep, he told A to go home. She refused and said he was probably talking to me, which was ridiculous since he asked for me to be here and I couldn’t leave without talking to the doctors. I also wanted to bring our boss/father-figure by so he could see that E was awake and well. She said I’d have to leave so he could come by since they wouldn’t allow more than two people in at once. I tried to explain that the only time more than one person could be there was if I was there, because I was the NoK, and she refused. We kept going back and forth, and since she literally had not left in eight days, I wanted our family to see E was ok, and I wanted his kid to come see him once he could, I told her either she’d leave on her own or I’d make her leave, but either way, she was off the list to visit E. She told me I couldn’t do that since she was his gf, which I told her was not true. I got her in, I could get her out. At this point, she was screaming at me in the middle of the hallway, and I was over this shit, so I went to the nurse’s desk and asked them to please get rid of her and take her off the list of allowed visitors for at least the next day or so. I wanted others to be able to see that E, their brother/son/grandson/father/nephew, was alive and he’d be ok, and I could not have that happen if she was still there. The nurse agreed, and I told A as such. She started screaming at me that I couldn’t keep her away just because I wanted E all for myself (how she knows I’m in love with him, idk, though I suppose I’m not exactly subtle). I told her either she’d walk out or the hospital security would drag her out, I didn’t care either way.
She left, finally, and I stayed with E while other family members came to see him. His son came the next day, and I talked with the doctors to get a game plan, and then about two days after E woke up, I lifted the ban on A since everyone was able to see him. Given that our last meeting went as horribly as it did, I left before she arrived to go back to C.
I feel really guilty about keeping her out, but I didn’t see another option. She was very insistent about staying there, and no one else could see him except me, and it’s not like he’d get better or worse with or without her presence. I know she spent the last 8 days in one little hospital room, so it is possible that she was just crabby and in an absolutely awful mood, but idk. I can’t figure out if I just did it out of vengeance or actually because it needed to happen. The nurses and my family are on my side, but what if they don’t know the whole story? I don’t know, I’d appreciate any help.
TLDR: My friend was in a coma, and when he woke up his gf refused to leave so others could see him so I (my friend’s next of kin) got her banned from the hospital for two days to allow other visitors. Can’t tell if I did it out of anger or necessity.
LindsayBear Dude you’re fine. You did the right thing. NTA
ClearCutBoots NTA girl sounds messed up as hell
Donutsinmypants Wait, so your friend was in a coma and others wanted to see him but couldn’t until she left due to hospital policy? And you think you’re wrong for kicking her out? NTA
Chadspace She sounds manipulative af
Chadspace Also NTA
Mesosoup Hang on this sounds like that chick from a few days ago [link]
***
r/AmItheAsshole
AnaFlores
AITA for staying in my boyfriend’s hospital room?
I (27F) have a firefighter boyfriend (Edmundo, 34M). A little over a week ago, he was shot, and he’s been in a coma since. He woke up today, and his coworker (Evan, 30M) forced me to leave his hospital room.
Edmundo is honestly amazing. He’s funny, smart, sexy as hell, Latino, strong, and a great father. The only thing I have to say is that his coworker is a little too… close.
Evan, as Edmundo says, has been “a saint” for their family. He’s helped with Edmundo’s son, Christopher (10). He also lost him in the tsunami, so I’m not sure how helpful he really is, but Edmundo doesn’t seem to mind. Evan also does a lot of reckless things with Christopher, like help him ride a skateboard or go rock climbing, which I don’t think any ten-year-old should be doing, but Christopher has cerebral palsy, which means he’s got limitations and he shouldn’t be encouraged to go beyond those limits.
I stayed with Edmundo in the hospital while Evan was doing god-knows-what. He said he was taking care of Christopher, but Edmundo has family, so I don’t understand why he was with Evan instead of his tia or abuela. I think Evan was lying just to score some points with Edmundo. Anyway, when Edmundo woke from his coma, he asked for Evan. I called him even though I really didn’t want to, I thought it could’ve just been us two for a little while. When Evan got there, Edmundo started crying and saying things like ‘you’re alive’ and ‘you’re okay’ and ‘you weren’t hurt.’ I was confused, but I found out from a coworker of theirs, Henrietta, that Evan was actually there in front of Edmundo when he was shot. Everyone hails him as a hero because he helped Edmundo when he was shot, but I think if he was really a hero, he’d have kept him from getting shot at all. They all kept saying that he crawled under a fire truck, which apparently was a big deal since he was the firefighter pinned by a fire truck a few years ago. He apparently doesn’t even do maintenance on the engines since he’d have to go underneath, as if that’s remotely the same thing.
Anyway, once Evan got there, he asked me to leave for a little while since he wanted others to come see Edmundo, and they could only be there one at a time aside from him. It didn’t make any sense, since we were both there at the same time. He claimed he was Edmundo’s next of kin, which is not possible because they’re not family, Evan is just a coworker, and even so, it wouldn’t make sense that the hospital wouldn’t allow any two people at a time if neither of them are the next of kin. I thought he just wanted Edmundo to himself. Evan is very obviously in love with Edmundo, which makes me rather uncomfortable, and I didn’t want to leave them alone together while Edmundo couldn’t defend himself. You can never know what someone will do. Anyway, we got into it, and Edmundo even asked him to leave, but Evan insisted he was talking about me. Eventually, Evan told me that either I’d walk out or the security would drag me out, which I thought was rather extreme. I left, and I found out later and the next following days that Evan banned me from seeing my own boyfriend.
AITA for trying to stay with him? We’ve been together four months now, I feel like that should count for something.
Bucketeer This sounds heavily edited. I feel like there’s a lot you’re not telling us that makes you TA and you just want us to agree with you.
NomadChristmas Anyone else notice how she glosses over things that may sway people in the opposite direction, like how Evan is the only one who can be there with multiple people (which is possible with next-of-kins depending where you are and the hospital policy) and she still refused to leave so others could see? Also, what are YOU doing for your boyfriend’s son? YTA.
LivenChillen Four months is not a long time babe. YTA. Let his family visit with him, it’s hospital policy.
Mesosoup ‘I Want to Complain About My Boyfriend’s Best Friend and Want Everyone to Agree with Me’ 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
Mesosoup [link] here’s the best friend’s perspective if anyone’s curious