Chapter Text
Scenery was nothing more than smudges of colour. People and vehicles were blurs. Noises were murky, distant; only his breaths, his heart thumping in his ears, and the slap of his shoes against the ground sounded close, sounded real. The need to move, the buzzing under his skin, drove him relentlessly on. He had to find a safe place, to avoid other people, to hide away from everyone.
No one needed Adrien Agreste. Perhaps now was the perfect opportunity for the teen model to disappear. Cat Noir could still help as needed. The people still deserved to be protected, and he would do his utmost, but his civilian self was nowhere near as important. He could fade into the background and would be forgotten soon enough.
Without Adrien around, his father would not be constantly reminded of Émilie Agreste, his lost wife, and would no longer have to waste time in ‘pointless talk’ whenever the teen managed to see him. The man seemed much more invested in Lila than his own son, so Adrien would be doing him a favour. Gabriel Agreste would need to find a new boy model, and pay him unlike his son, but Nathalie would handle it quickly.
The only problems would be finding a place to stay, to keep clothes and himself clean, and finding food. Especially when it concerned Plagg’s cheese. Without that, Cat Noir would disappear just like his civilian self.
Oh no! He just ran without a thought for the Kwami! Maybe Plagg didn’t want to run away, to leave the comforts of Adrien’s room and the steady access to his beloved cheese. He had to find a place where they could talk about things.
Adrien didn’t even know where he was. The teen darted into the nearest alley, moving deeper until the shadows swallowed him. He fell against a wall, letting it bear almost all of his weight, panting harshly as his lungs tried to catch up with his body’s oxygen demands.
“Whoa, kitten! Say something. Can you hear me?”
Plagg’s bright green eyes stood out amongst the shadowed alley. Adrien nodded, not trusting his ability to speak at the moment, but it was enough for the Kwami. They were both alley cats now. He almost giggled but squashed the urge. There wasn’t anything funny about ditching class, running out of school, and having no plan while who knows where he was in the city.
“Are we running away from your house?” Plagg asked. His voice was full of hope and chaos.
Adrien wasn’t sure how one could speak with chaos or recognise it being spoken, but here he was. “I don’t know. Are we?” he asked in return, slightly hysterical.
“I hope so, but you should pack supplies,” said Plagg. “Including plenty of food. Especially cheese!”
Of course the Kwami was thinking of food. A meow came from a little further down the alley, drawing the attention of both. A cat approached, fur fluffed up, growling and hissing. Adrien’s eyes widened and he crouched down.
“It’s you!” he whispered.
The cat quieted down, fur slowly going flat, and padded closer cautiously. Adrien held out a hand. He smiled at the cat. “Where are your kittens, My Lady?” he asked, the nickname for Ladybug rolling off his tongue with ease.
Squeaky little meows answered him. The mother cat came forward, sniffed his fingers, and immediately butted her head against his hand, purring loudly. He swiftly curled his fingers, petting and scritching the feline. Her four babies joined them and Adrien wished he could pet them all at the same time. They crawled and climbed all over him, meowing and purring like a bunch of tiny motors armed with miniature stabbing implements.
She must have recognised him, even as a civilian. That brought up questions and worries, but he shoved them aside, determined to enjoy this moment for as long as possible. The mother and her kittens all looked healthy at least. Crouching was getting awkward, so he sat down, heedless of getting his designer clothes dirty. The comfort of his furry friends was more important.
“Feel better?” Plagg asked. He was on the ground, playing a weird version of a hand slapping game with one of the kittens.
“Yes,” Adrien said, scratching the mother cat under the chin while scratching behind the ears of a kitten. Then he sighed. “No…”
“What do you wanna do?”
“I should go back to school, apologise to Sissy, and then get the photo shoot over and done with,” he stated.
Plagg got bopped on the nose by a soft, tiny paw and reeled back before batting gently at the offending limb. “No, that’s what your father wants and expects you to do. What do YOU want to do?”
“I want things to go back to how they were before Lila showed up.”
“Fluff could do that, but it would probably mess things up more instead of fixing anything,” Plagg said. He was now baiting a kitten with his tail.
One kitten had climbed up Adrien’s back and was perched on his left shoulder, trying to comb his hair with a tiny tongue. There was no skill in the kitten’s technique, just pure enthusiastic effort. The teen sighed, careful not to move his shoulders so he didn’t jostle or dislodge his passenger.
“I want to go home. But home isn’t home anymore,” he said, his delivery matter of fact even as sadness suffused his tone.
“Find a new home,” said Plagg, now in the middle of kitty patty-cake with a determined kitten. “Then home will be home.”
Wow, that was quite deep and philosophical for the Black Cat Kwami. Adrien was impressed.
“And then we can fill it with cheese!”
Adrien burst into laughter, scaring the kitten on his shoulder to jump off. Plagg was Plagg. He changed for no one. He didn’t censor himself for anyone either. The model really liked that trait and he wished he could foster it within himself. The mother cat rubbed her cheek and chin over his knee, and it made him purr, happiness blooming in his chest.
Acceptance, gratitude, love.
Those things no longer seemed to exist in his house, the one place he was supposed to feel safe and loved above all others. How contrary that he found them in spades in a dirty alleyway, from those he had only met once before. This love was pure and unconditional. He had no need to earn it, to stifle himself to receive even scraps of it.
“I can’t just find a new home. I’m a minor, I can’t buy a house or apartment or anything. I’m not legally allowed to live by myself,” Adrien explained patiently.
“You’ll still have me!”
Adrien stared at the Kwami. “You are not an adult.”
Plagg waved a tiny arm. “I’m older than any adult!”
The teen rolled his eyes. “You’re not an adult human.”
Plagg scoffed, mumbling something about being way better in every way. Adrien ignored the muttering and busied himself by petting the kitten he had dislodged. He was very grateful for the sprite’s company. Plagg was the most constant thing in his life now, and he didn’t want that to change.
“Then you’ll have to be an actual alley cat or stay with a friend or something,” Plagg said with a shrug.
“Staying with a friend would be amazing.” Adrien sighed. “But my friends would be the first people my father checked out. And even if we did manage to deceive my dad, I’d have to lie and sneak around all the time when an Akuma pops up. It’s hard enough to do that at school, it would be really hard at a friend’s place. I doubt that they wouldn’t get suspicious. I only get away with it at home because Dad and Nathalie don’t check on me that often.”
Plagg scoffed. “Ladybug knows the identities of all the other holders. Why can’t you know? You could hide with one of them, then you don’t need to sneak around.”
Adrien shook his head. “You know Ladybug’s rules about that.”
“Ladybug breaks her own rules, so why can’t you?”
The teen stared at the Kwami in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“She obviously shared her identity with that Scara-whatever girl. She also let the fox girl and the turtle guy know each other’s identity!”
“Those don’t count; they were emergencies.”
Plagg flew up to be eye to eye with his holder. “Kitten, I want you to listen. Ladybug says you and her can never find out each other’s identities. But Ladybug knew the identities of several other holders BEFORE she became the Guardian. That right there? Totally unfair to you.”
“But-” A tiny paw was placed over his lips as the Kwami shushed him.
“No. Listen. You only know the identities of a couple of holders, and that’s only because you were with Ladybug when she handed the Miraculous over.”
“Mph-!”
“BUT! When turtle boy told you he was Carapace, Ladybug should have taken his Miraculous away, right? It was her own rule, right?”
Adrien nodded slowly and Plagg backed up. “But she didn’t because Nino only told me and I’m still keeping that secret. I don’t think he told Ladybug that he’d told me. So…she’s not the one that broke the rule, it was Nino.”
Plagg gave a heavy sigh and shook his head. “It’s still totally unfair. Someone besides old Fu knows her identity. She can go to her friend for help with hero stuff and civilian stuff. And while I am undoubtedly amazing, you need another human on your side like she does. So, she broke her own rule about not telling anyone. Even now, she hasn’t let you tell anyone. She has extra help and support while you don’t. Look me in the eyes, kitten. Look me in the eyes and tell me that’s fair.”
Adrien did look. Tears started to streak his cheeks. “No… No, it’s not fair. It really isn’t, is it?”
The cat sprite patted a lock of blond hair. The cat and her kittens clearly picked up on the mood change and huddled close, climbing in his lap and brushing against any inch of him they could reach, purring the entire time. Adrien gave a short, wet laugh, doing his best to swipe away the tears.
“I miss Ladybug. I mean, she hasn’t gone anywhere or anything, but she’s not my partner anymore,” he said sadly. “We’re supposed to be two halves of a whole. Yin and Yang. But we’re not. Well, not anymore. And you’re right about having someone I could go to in and out of the mask. I thought Marinette might fit that role, but while she’s perfectly happy to chat with and tease Cat Noir, she’s very odd around Adrien. She was Multimouse, so she’d understand, but I’m not sure she would take the reveal well.”
“Don’t even think about telling Pigtails. She is not suitable at all!” Plagg almost yelled, crossing his small arms into an X.
Adrien raised an eyebrow. “I mean, I also don’t want to endanger her if people keep seeing Adrien or Cat Noir visit. Shadow Moth would take advantage of that. But why do you say so?”
Plagg shook his head. “Pigtails is just like Ladybug about the rules. If you told her, I can guarantee that Ladybug would know.”
But she was such a good friend! She could keep secrets – outside of detransforming in front of Ladybug and himself – and he felt as though he could trust her. He tended to see the good in people and overlook the bad as nothing more than quirks. And as much as he liked Marinette, having to squash the urge to claim her, whatever that meant, she did have a lot of quirks. That didn’t make her untrustworthy, but almost every interaction with her did make him wonder where, exactly, he stood with her. Unfortunately, their friendship did not have the most solid of foundations, and the walls were flimsy. The roof was non-existent.
It was sad, and he really wanted to fortify their friendship. Taking shelter in her house had felt like a lot of work was done to shore up the walls. He would continue to build on it.
That thought only served to drive home the point that telling Marinette was a bad choice.
Adrien shook his head, his hands still occupied with brushing over small bodies and through fur. He should not even be trying to think about disobeying Ladybug in the first place. It wasn’t fair, no. But Ladybug was the Guardian of the Miracle Box. She was the one taught by Master Fu, and she was the one that decided the rules.
“It’s unfair, yeah, but I don’t really have anyone to tell now that I think about it,” Adrien said softly.
Plagg sighed and slumped the moment the boy’s eyes were off him. Disaster averted. It was sad though; Plagg knows humans are social creatures, and his human is very deprived. A kitten batted his tail, and he bopped the inquisitive paw in response. It meowed and a human finger tickled its tummy, distracting it from the Kwami completely.
“I’d love to stay here and just play with you all for the rest of the day, but I can’t.”
“Yes, you can,” muttered Plagg.
“...yes, I can,” Adrien agreed, “but I really shouldn’t. I hate the idea of leaving you and your kittens here though. I’d love to take you to my house, to live with proper food and safety, but I’m not allowed to have pets. I’d sneak you all in, but they’d find you.” He gave a slightly wet chuckle. “Sometimes I’m amazed that they haven’t found Plagg yet, and he knows to hide and stay quiet.”
“Hey!”
“I wonder if there’s an animal shelter I can take them to. I should look it up – oh…” He sighed again. “My phone’s in my bag, which is still in the classroom.”
Plagg was buried between two kittens, but his voice still reached Adrien. “Why not leave ‘em be? They’re doing fine right here.”
The boy was quiet, his mind churning over the Kwami’s words. He wanted to help this furry little family; he wanted what was best for them. But if he took them anywhere then he would be imposing his will upon them, taking away their freedom and choices, locking them up in a cage. He would be just like Gabriel Agreste. He stifled a sob.
“Yeah,” he managed to gasp out. “Yeah, you’re right.”
Plagg looked at his holder, his bright eyes narrowing for a moment.
“I need to go back to get my stuff at least. Hopefully the school hasn’t contacted my father, or, well, Nathalie, or they’ll send the entire police force out looking for me,” he said. Adrien suddenly glanced around, staring at the mouth of the alley in particular, as if his utterance would materialise someone searching for him.
“So what?” Plagg said with a sneer. “Let ‘em look! Your old man should worry about you for a while. And Cat Noir can easily evade the police. Heck, you could join the search party!”
Adrien shook his head. “I’ve caused too much fuss already. Just thinking about having to deal with the mess makes me want to curl up under a heavy blanket for a week.”
“Hide from your dad and then curl up as long as you want.”
He was tempted. So very tempted. But no, then he would prove Ladybug right. She already thought him selfish. It felt like one tiny misstep would lead to her taking away his Miraculous, despite her reassurances that he was never going to be replaced or cast aside ever again.
Adrien…didn’t trust his Lady’s word.
Oh.
OH.
That…wasn’t good. How could he work with someone he didn’t trust?
Adrien had taken too many emotional hits today. He had exceeded his quota, and it had sapped all of his energy. Autopilot took over. He gently placed the cats aside and stood up, futilely trying to dust off his pants, then began walking out of the alley, heading back to Dupont. He could feel Plagg against his ribs, tapping him quickly, but he ignored the Kwami. The energy and motivation for anything outside of his immediate goal simply wasn’t there.
He barely noticed anyone he walked past, and he didn’t hear anything they tried to say to him. Like a zombie, he entered the school and knocked on Sissy’s door. It opened quickly a second later and Sissy was there, gasping at him and looking distraught, her hands flapping as she frantically gestured for him to enter. He entered wordlessly and the door was closed behind him.
She hovered around him, eyes flitting all over him as she ushered him into a chair. “Goodness, Adrien, I’m so sorry if I scared you off! I thought you had run away like you mentioned you were thinking about. Are you okay? Can you hear me? …will you talk to me, please? I’m worried about you, sweetie.”
“I’m sorry for running out like that,” he said softly. “It all just got…a bit much. You didn’t ring my dad, did you?” he asked hesitantly.
“No, I didn’t, although I was going to if you weren’t back by lunch. I was hoping you just needed some time. This is a safe space where you can stay to work things out. I can keep an eye on you, too. It’s not safe for you to be wandering around the city when no one knows where you are. Do you understand?”
He nodded, tired and miserable. A cup of water appeared before his face, and he couldn’t help a tiny chuckle as he took it.
“Did something I say before upset you? I don’t want to do that, so please let me know,” she asked quietly. She sat down in a chair opposite and watched him, her brow furrowed lightly, a foot bobbing up and down.
Adrien shook his head. She hadn’t said anything bad, it was just how he’d heard it, filtered through his experiences with his father. He’d have to watch out for that in future. Ugh. What sort of person had to do such a thing? Another point on his weirdness tally.
“Okay then. Did you want to stay here and chat with me, go back to class, or go home? You’ve had a tough day,” the nurse said.
The very thought of going home made him want to shudder. And he liked Sissy, but he didn’t want to talk to her about things. His conversation in the alley with Plagg had drained him. Oddly enough, his best choice was to go back to class so people would have the least chance to talk and interact with him.
“I’ll go back to class.”
Her worry was clear as she asked, “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
She sighed but nodded. “If you need to leave class again, please come and see me again, okay?”
He mumbled his agreement and left. Sissy’s worried gaze followed him out of the room and across the courtyard, up the stairs, and all the way until he entered the classroom.
“Adrien!” Miss Bustier exclaimed. “Welcome back. Please take your seat.”
Students began to talk, and tried to talk to him, but the teacher hushed them and Adrien sank into his seat beside Nino. He didn’t have to worry about trying not to purr or anything else cat-like as he was far too drained. He was sore, he was tired, and his brain felt like it was covered in thick fog. He probably looked like he’d been crying. The make-up people at the photo shoot later would fix it if it was still a problem by then.
Nino nudged him gently with an elbow, but Adrien only glanced at him and shook his head. The model grabbed his pen and settled in to take whatever notes he could. He would have to ask to copy someone’s notes about whatever he missed. Maybe Alya or Nino would be kind enough to copy their notes for him during the photo shoot.
Class continued in something of a blur, then he was being prodded by Nino as the bell rang for lunch. He followed like a zombie until they sat down in the cafeteria with food in front of them. Alya slid in beside her boyfriend, and Marinette took the seat on her other side.
“Speak to us, bro. What’s wrong?” Nino asked.
What wasn’t wrong? he thought. “Just tired,” he answered. “Not really feeling up for the photo shoot after school, but it can’t be rescheduled again, so…” He shrugged, giving them a rueful smile and hoping they accepted his words. He really wasn’t feeling up for the shoot at least.
“We can come for support, right? Lila said we probably could,” said Alya. She was looking at him hopefully and he saw Marinette jump in her seat.
What a perfect opportunity. “Yeah, I can ask. It’d be great to have you there. Also, can I bother you guys for a copy of any notes I missed?”
“Of course, dude!” Nino said happily, giving him a pat on the shoulder.
“Thanks,” he said gratefully. His smile morphed into a genuine one and he could feel Plagg vibrating softly against his side. The urge to purr back flickered through him like a lightning bolt and he squashed it straight away.
It was nice to feel a bit better.
“Adrien, are you looking forward to our shoot later? I know I am,” Lila said cheerfully, taking a seat next to him and shifting it closer.
Good feelings gone.
A scowl crossed Marinette’s face for a moment before she forced her expression into something more neutral. He understood the feeling. Alya brightened up while Nino was glancing between Adrien and Lila.
That lack of trust still stung. He tried to ignore it as Lila leaned against his arm. He tried to lean away but she doggedly followed, almost draping herself over his side.
Adrien cleared his throat. “Lila, can you please stop leaning on me? I’m…not feeling the best,” he said as tactfully as possible. He had witnesses to him asking this time, so she wouldn’t be able to lie about it.
She frowned but eased off him under the watchful eyes of the other three. “You poor thing! I hope you feel better soon. The fresh air at the shoot should help,” she said. Her voice was full of faux concern as she batted her eyes at him.
“Fresh air sounds nice,” he agreed passively.
“My boy’s tired, but the outdoors should perk him back up,” Nino said. He gave Adrien’s shoulder another pat, even as he looked reassuringly at Lila. “Kind of like a puppy getting to go outside,” he added, musing to himself.
The model almost choked on his bite of food. Lila patted his back a few times. He imagined Plagg chomping on her fingers and let the action go – it was a harmless one. “A puppy? I swear you called me a bird before. Make up your mind,” he said with a laugh.
Alya laughed along. “You’re like the embodiment of every baby animal. Can’t just pick one!”
He snorted playfully at that. They could call him whatever baby animal they wanted to, but he was a kitten through and through. Only Cat Dad knew that though.
Lunch passed peacefully enough. Marinette remained quiet, but Alya and Lila didn’t seem to mind as they carried the bulk of the conversation between themselves. Nino chimed in now and then, and Adrien only spoke up when directly addressed. He would have attempted to talk to Marinette, but Lila was between them. It wasn’t the best lunch, but it could have been so much worse. Lila kept her hands to herself, and he felt a rush of gratitude for the presence of his friends, now looking forward to having them at the shoot. If they were allowed, of course.
Plagg was no longer purring when the bell rang and class resumed. Adrien couldn’t feel him at all and guessed the Kwami had gone into his bag to sleep through class.
Adrien couldn’t imagine sleeping through class. But Plagg had been around for at least five thousand years, the same as Tikki, right? There had been a Ladybug way back in ancient Egypt after all. A Black Cat wasn’t mentioned, but he knew Tikki and Plagg were always released as a pair, so there had to be one back then. Maybe they had been recorded on a different scroll that had yet to be found or hadn’t survived to the modern day. Although the Kwami had mentioned taking out the dinosaurs before… Anyway, Plagg had probably been around for so many historical moments that class seemed frightfully boring.
If only Plagg wasn’t so focused on cheese – he could have so much insight and wisdom about things to share!
He probably knew more famous people throughout history than even Lila had mentioned. And he never bragged, ha. Or maybe he couldn’t say a previous holder’s name even if they were long dead. What a shame.
Class went smoothly and Adrien enjoyed it. The last bell rang and he was not as anxious as he expected. If his friends were not allowed to come along then he was sure the anxiety would come crashing down on his head like a waterfall.
No, no, no. Stay positive.
They walked out of school in a group. Lila was right next to him, and her elbow occasionally brushed against him, but he couldn’t put space between them without it being weird. She could easily claim the touches were accidental and complaining about it or even just bringing it up seemed like a desperate, whiny move. He’d done enough damage for one day.
The sleek car, black instead of silver, was parked and waiting. A window rolled down as the group approached and the Gorilla raised an eyebrow.
“Can my friends come to the shoot with us? Please?” Adrien asked.
The man looked over the group, clearly assessing them, before nodding. Adrien grinned and ushered them into the car. Nino went first, then Alya, who pulled Marinette in behind her. Adrien hopped in next to stop Lila from doing anything to Marinette, while Lila brought up the rear.
Lila was grinning widely, making no attempt to keep her arm and leg away from his. He breathed deeply through his nose, ready to endure the ride. The car pulled away from the curb and only the driver knew their destination.
It wouldn’t be as bad with his friends there, right?