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Chapter Text

Satoru didn't think living a double life was something too deceitful.

Well, that was until he found out his roommate also had a secret other life he didn't know about. Call him a hypocrite but he thinks it's kind of rude to not tell your best friend about being a literal criminal. He can't be too picky though, he was kind of having the time of his life right now.

Stood hanging out of the sunroof of Suguru's accelerating car, Satoru felt the wind whip his face and saw the city lights flashing, dancing around his vision. Tears pricked in the corners of his eyes as the wind blew past his sunglasses, tousling his hair. The city was truly beautiful at night, the silence (or the usual silence, today was a different story), the stretches of road going on and on for what seemed like forever. "Oi! Don't lean so far out, you got a death wish or something?" 

Suguru, the ever-boring, 'responsible one' - yeah, right. He's literally in a high-speed chase with the cops, but, no, Satoru that's dangerous. Honestly, such a hypocrite. Satoru ignored him, listening to the whistle of the wind being drowned out by sirens behind them. And maybe this was a little dangerous but it's not like he was gonna fall out of the window or anything. "Woah-" Jinxed it. Satoru lurched forward, banging his arms on the roof of the car, "Hey! Don't be so rough Suguru, I'm delicate you know." He whined, slouching back inside the car and into his seat.

"Idiot, there's literally the police chasing us right now, stop letting them see you." Suguru chided, his hands a pale white gripping the steering wheel. The car whirred and skidded around the vacant road, Suguru's face focused and strategic. Suguru's hair, in his usual bun yet still roughed up from the open sun roof, looked almost as dark as the sky tonight, Satoru wanted to braid it again. He wondered if Suguru would let him after everything that's happening tonight has happened. Satoru turned in his seat to look though the rear-view window, "Wow, they're close."

"Shut up!" Came a groan from the taller man's side, the car harshly veered right, forcing Satoru to grip the dashboard. Okay, deserved. "Fine, fine, just stay focused."

"Yeah, I'm trying!" Satoru should probably stop talking now. Or, he would have if a police car didn't ram into his side of the vehicle. "Oh- Shit!" Satoru scrambled to reach his sunglasses that fell off his pink-tinted face, leaning closer to Suguru as the cop in the passenger seat tried to get a good look at their faces. "Uh- Suguru-"

"I know, just- hold on, yeah?" The car sped up, groaning at the consistent high speed when a sudden, loud chime interrupted the blaring sirens. "Oh shit."

"What- Oh... Shiiiiit." The gas was running out. Satoru didn't really fancy being arrested, especially since he worked within the branch of police officers chasing them right now... It wasn't that he cared about his job or anything - sure, the money was nice, and (in contrast to his standoff-ish personality) he did enjoy helping people - the system just sucked. 'Justice system' yeah, sure, whatever helps you sleep at night. Being arrested would kind of just ruin his night.

He was planning on going home with Suguru, watching a movie, having some hot cocoa, but, no, apparently 'having fun' is illegal now. Well, they were speeding, but, honest, three police cars is excessive. Plus, imagine if the news caught wind of rich boy Satoru Gojo, arrested by the same police officers he works with, that would put his friendship with Suguru in jeopardy! He gave Suguru so much shit for living a secret life just for him to have one too? It's a hard pass from Satoru.

"I don't know how far we'll get with this gas, Satoru. Might have to get caught, I got cash on me?" Suguru turns to his white-haired friend with a questioning look. "Why've you got that look on your face? Hey- Wait, Satoru-"

Satoru promptly climbed over the gear stick of a car going 80mph and into Suguru's lap. He took control of the steering wheel and kicked Suguru's feet until he moved them from the pedals.

"What the hell are you doing!?"

"Saving our asses - what does it look like?"

Suguru glanced into the rearview mirror at the approaching police cars, "In this position?"

Satoru focused on a left turn onto a stretch of pitch-black road, turning off the headlights, he met Suguru's eyes in the mirror, "Why? You wanna recreate it somewhere more private?"

"SHUT UP AND DRIVE!"

"THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO!?"

Turning the car onto the narrow road, he manoeuvred between streets, keeping the lights off. Satoru didn't get a lot of hands-on work with what he did, preferring to stay in office - not that he enjoyed paperwork, God no. He just didn't want to get shot or something - plus he was undercover, what would happen if Suguru saw him chasing down a criminal? But he did get to participate in a chase once or twice, maybe that was why he was so good at driving recklessly. Or maybe it was his rebellious teenage years. Well, it doesn't really matter now that he's saved the day.

Just as the car chimes with no gas left, Satoru swerves behind a old building, "And where the hell did you learn to drive like that?" Riiiiight. Suguru was here.

"Damn, not even a thankyou?" Satoru was stressed now, how the hell does he explain his awesome, professional driving skills!? "Seriously, that was suspiciously good..." Suguru trailed off, Satoru was so fucked. 

Swinging the car door open, Satoru stepped out and brushed imaginary dust off his clothes as Suguru followed him out of the car with a calculating look. "Says the criminal - of course you would know all about speeding, Suguru. Seriously! I can't believe you kept that secret for so long!"

Suguru rounded the side of the car, a small smile growing on his face at Satoru's animated gestures, "Oh shush, I'm not like a murderer or something, I already told you, I only help sort out problems - disputes. That's all. Now, stop trying to avoid my question, you rarely ever drive, how did you do all... that?"

Satoru could literally feel the colour draining from his face, "Uhh, racing... games?" He smiled up at Suguru.

Suguru didn't believe him for a second.

Satoru was so fucked.

Chapter Text

As it turns out, Satoru wasn't as fucked as he expected. Suguru just... let it go? Satoru takes pride in his extensive list of skills but even he knows he's not the best at lying. Or, he wasn't the best at lying yesterday - he's normally good at it. Promise. Suguru just didn't seem that interested in questioning his excuse. Weird, Satoru thought Suguru was smart - anticlimactic, sure, but it works for him!

Luckily, where Satoru had ended up leaving the car was only a ten minute walk from their apartment so they weren't in the cold evening air for long. Satoru thinks everything is pretty cool... Until the next morning. Everything is not cool. The worst actually. "Suguru!"

On the TV screen in their small, homely living room was a live report on two wanted criminals from yesterday. "Oh. That's not good." Suguru stepped beside him, providing such interesting commentary, watching the photo on the screen of white hair. A photo of Satoru. Hanging out of the sunroof. He could already tell today wasn't going to be a good one. Thankfully, the news reporter was saying they couldn't actually tell what colour his hair was, so people should be on the lookout for a 'reckless criminal with light coloured hair'. There had to be someone out there with white hair other than him right?

"Not good!? Suguru are you stupid?" He turns to his grinning best friend, "And you're smiling?" Satoru guffaws, hurt by Suguru's carelessness - he could be arrested.

"Satoru did you even look at the photo? Look at how dark it is. You can't even tell your hair is as white as it is. People could be interrogating some poor, old grandma today, nobody is gonna know that's you." Satoru grumbles, whacking Suguru in the chest, "whatever Su-gu-ru!" he said, dragging his name out, knowing how much it annoyed him. To be honest, this was only slightly more shocking than the fact Satoru, an actual police officer, had committed a crime with Suguru, and they weren't even gonna talk about it?

Like, Suguru is a criminal he beats guys up or... something. Satoru didn't really ask after finding his 'work' phone with specific... requests on them. But still, Satoru should be handing Suguru over to the cops or something! Yet, he couldn't find it in himself to want to. Speeding with him was a bit too far though. He's incredibly luckily they didn't either 1. die, or 2. get arrested.

The reporter and authorities not knowing his actual hair colour was a small weight of his shoulders but Suguru confirming that, made him weirdly comforted. Not that he would ever admit that out loud. He excused himself to his room and got ready for work, his normal, totally ordinary office job. Once he was dressed and ready, he headed out the door, waving goodbye to Suguru.

Walking to work was, surprisingly, something Satoru enjoyed. He'd never cared much for unnecessary journeys but he quite enjoyed the fresh, warm morning air. Curse Nanami for walking with him one day. Him and his stupid yellow hair making Satoru like something as boring as walking. His sour mood didn't stick around for long, after all he didn't actually dislike Nanami - it's more like Nanami disliked him - he was just worried about the morning news.

Arriving at work, Satoru was bombarded with questions, it seemed everyone and their goddamn cat had seen the news and assumed it was him (well, it was him but he wasn't going to say that). He couldn't even catch a break in the lunchroom alone, attempting to eat his sandwich in peace with even Shoko, of all people, asking about it and promising not to tell anyone. Satoru wouldn't fall for Shoko's tricks again though, he learnt the hard way that she can be bribed.

After skilfully avoiding questions all day with phrases like, "a police officer like myself cannot stand crime, I am slightly offended you would assume that was me." and, "I work with law enforcement to protect and maintain the laws and measures put in place to keep this city safe." They didn't even seem convincing to him, but people bought it so he wasn't complaining. His work was boring too, he opted for office work rather than on-field work because of danger but he truly hated paperwork with a passion.

Nanami gave him an unimpressed stare and firm 'no.' at the stack of papers he brought to his desk. Shoko laughed at him! Like, actually laughed. And then had the audacity to ask him how he hasn't been fired yet. I mean, 'suspicious individual located at the train station, suspected of drug trafficking', ' teenagers seen on CCTV stealing candy from a store, supposedly carrying knives', blah blah blah. His work was boring, basically. Satoru wanted action, he wanted to actually help people, not catch some kids stealing for a million-dollar company (who can clearly afford the hit).

Maybe he should go back to working in the field. His boss certainly wouldn't complain, Yaga puts up with the small amount of reports he does do because of the quality of them, but Satoru's pretty sure he wants to fire him. The only reason he left was because of a fatal mission that left him in a coma for 2 days. Toji Zenin. Or Fushiguro, as he'd requested. What a guy, really. Explaining that one to Suguru was a real pain, he had to settle with 'I fell down some stairs, faulty flooring, I'm fine'. The only thing that made that excuse believable were the fake construction reports made by some of the agents in his department.

Just thinking about Toji frustrated Satoru, a real piece of work he was. A man forced into a life of crime due to a poor upbringing, running an underground fighting ring, it peaked Satoru's interest - especially when he learnt about him having kids. Once the back up team arrived though, and Toji was hauled off to jail, the kids were nowhere to found. Toji refuses to say anything on the matter, it makes Satoru wonder really, is it because he's a good father or a bad one? Is he trying to protect his children or does he truly not know where they are?

Satoru needs to stop thinking about work, it's already nearing the end of his shift, he sighs and quits his day dreaming as he closes the windows on his computer, finally six o'clock.

"I hope Suguru's the one cooking tonight," he wonders aloud, closing his eyes and humming as he exits the building. "I could really go for-"

He's cut off by a cloth over his mouth and his body tensing as he's dragged into the darkness of the alleyway beside his office building.

Suguru is a simple man. He enjoys his alone time, sitting and doodling new designs for his clients. He loved his day job as much as his night, and being a tattoo artist was a lot less messy. He was becoming increasingly worried about where his troublesome roommate was though, it was almost 6.15 and he would normally send a text when he was on his way...

There was the whole 'incredible driving skills despite rarely driving' situation though. Suguru was suspicious okay, he really shouldn't be - being the one with a whole secret criminal record - but he couldn't help it.

Satoru rarely ever drove places himself, Suguru drove him when they went out, or Shoko did on occasion - sometimes even Nanami. Satoru always hated driving, saying it gave him a headache and refusing to drive in the sun without shades on. So how the hell could he escape to cops, driving on top of Suguru's lap, at 80mph, with low gas? Could Satoru have some secret underground business being a nascar driver or something? Suguru never really understood what it was Satoru did at the office anyway - he definitely wasn't the type to enjoy paperwork.

Satoru had acted strangely yesterday evening too, claiming he got his skills from racing games and Suguru had taken his word for it. He trusted his best friend. And it's not like he doesn't still trust him it's just... weird. Everything is weird. Satoru could bail them both out of jail ten times over yet he was so scared of being pulled over he put them both in danger by pulling that stunt. It truly didn't make sense? Was Satoru scared of the police? That didn't sound right, he's never been someone to particularly care for authority. Did yesterday have something to do with why Satoru still hasn't texted back?

Suguru's foot tapped anxiously on the floor as his brain wracked through the past day. Satoru was acting weird. And he hadn't texted. And he was home late. Suguru was becoming increasingly worried now, Satoru wasn't one to just disappear without telling anyone - especially Suguru. Leaving another concerned message, Suguru placed his phone on the coffee table and slouched into the couch. How is it only Tuesday?

Bringing him back to the present, his heart thumped as his phone buzzed, reaching for it so quickly he almost knocked over his coffee.

To his disappointment (why was he so upset about that?), it wasn't Satoru. It wasn't even his personal phone to begin with. His small work phone lit up with a text, a request from his other job, great, he jinxed it,

$200. Guy on main street. Hit my sister. 6'4, black coat & pants. White trainers. [Photo Attached]

I want him bleeding, bloody and bruised. Don't disappoint.

Get it done by 6.30

He just couldn't catch a break lately, being one of the most successful 'hitmen' (for lack of a better term) on the market had him working like a dog. Sighing, Suguru slides off the glasses perched on his nose and takes one last sip of his cooling coffee before hurrying to get dressed.

Black is always the ideal option, or red. Easier to keep the blood from staining, or easier to dismiss any stains. Grabbing his keys, he headed out the door, still uneasy at the lack of messages from Satoru. Being quiet was very unlike him... He should hurry with this job and try calling.

Spotting the guy from across the street, Suguru keeps his hood up as he approaches. Silently, he grabs the guy's hoodie and drags him into the darkness of an unlit parking lot. "Hey! Get the hell off of me!" The man shouts in a gruff voice, shoving at Suguru's grip. Throwing the guy onto the ground, Suguru smiles, "I heard you don't take rejection very well, so let me say... No." He leans closer, grabbing the front of his jacket to look into his afraid eyes.

"Fuck off! Who are you man, what do you want?" He tugs out of Suguru's grip, scrambling backwards until he's satisfied with the 'safety' of the distance between them. "And what are you on about rejection for huh? You talk to that blonde slut? She sent you?" His eyes light ablaze and rage shakes his being.

"I wouldn't advise name-calling when I've been hired to hurt you." Suguru smiles a dark smirk, "Didn't your mother ever teach you to not hit a woman?"

"Hah!?" The man reaches into his pocket to retrieve a pocket knife, "Stop all that talk and come at me, errand boy."

Oh this was going to be fun. "Gladly."

-

Underwhelming. The guy couldn't even get a good hit on him before Suguru disarmed him. Spitting the blood from his swollen mouth, the man heaved in a breath, "Who- who are you?" he groaned as Suguru landed another hit to his stomach.

"That doesn't matter. I'll ask again. For every second you don't give me the correct answer, your very own pocket knife will be burying itself into your skin." Suguru leaned down to meet the man's eyes, fear and despair swirling in them, "One."

A slash across the forearm. "Fuck! Shit! Okay! Okay, I'll- Please-"

"-Two."

"Fuuuck! Okay I'm sorry! I'll apologise to the girl! I..." he paused for a moment, clearly the wrong decision when he feels the fiery blade on his skin, "I'm an abusive piece of shit! I should'a left that girl when I had the chance." He coughs as he curls into himself, "That- that what you wanted to hear?"

Suguru smiles and drops the pocket knife, "Yes. That's right."

Suguru punches the side of the man's temple, knocking him out cold. Maybe should feel guilty for beating someone black and blue but he can't find it in himself to be. This man assaulted his ex-girlfriend for refusing to stay with him - why should he pity that? Calling the police from the now-unconscious man's phone, pretending to be a worried bystander who had found a man bleeding out in a parking lot and promptly hanging up on the operator after giving the address, he sighs into the night. It's not like he's heartless, he doesn't kill people. He just brings some much-needed more... physical methods of rehabilitation. He needed to clean his clothes. And call Satoru. Where was he?

The first thing Satoru realises is the overwhelming strength of the man dragging him into the dimly lit alleyway. The second thing he notices are his two escape options - the entrance of the alleyway and the creaking, rusty fire escape to his right. The third thing he realises is that he should probably start listening to what his attacker is saying.

"-Know it was you, you don't gotta be all shy 'bout it." Satoru was lost, honestly. He did what now? 

In the many years of doing his job, both on-field work and office work, he had been in some you could say... scandals. But be had not one clue what this specific guy was referring to. He said as much, digging his nails into the man's tattooed arm, forcing the tattered cloth from his mouth, he gasped, asking "What'd I do?" Despite being an undercover cop, he was too blunt for his own good a lot of the time. The guy spun him around, blocking the exit with his body (well, his first exit - the increasingly worrying fire exit stairs were still an option despite the growing creaking noises in the wind) and flashed him a toothy smile.

"Didn't you see the news? Gojo, right?" He looks him up and down as if only now actually making sure he has the right guy. He must be new to this business and finds glee in the uncertainty of actually doing his job, or he thinks he's untouchable. Satoru is really in it now, "The police are after you for speeding yesterday and I have something that can help them." His grin turned nasty.

"All you gotta do is give me some cash, alright? Surely you got some to spare." He stepped closer to him and Satoru shifted his weight to be more firmly planted on his ground. Although his movements felt slow, sporadic. Was something on that cloth? Fishing in his pocket, the guy pulled out a photograph, "This you? It is riiiight?" he leaned closer to Satoru's face, smirking at the shiver that forcibly wracked through his body.

Looking at the photo through hazy vision, Satoru's heartbeat sped up. Firstly, that was definitely him in the photo, and secondly, there was definitely some sort of drug on the cloth that was rapidly slowing his thoughts and movements. However, it seemed some luck was still on his side as he looked closer at the image, yes, it was different from the news photo but it didn't seem to be any more recognisable. Satoru took a gamble.

Squinting his eyes to try help them focus again, he speaks as levelly as possible, "That isn't me in the photo. I don't know who you are or what you want from me but you have the wrong guy." God. His head fucking hurt. 

Large hands are placed on his shoulders with a painful grip, "Hah? It's obviously you" he's getting increasingly agitated and Satoru just wants to go home. He glances past his attacker, willing his eyes to fucking work, and spotting the smallest of gaps he could slip through if he's quick enough.

"You don't feel like talking no more? That's cool. Guess I'll just have to beat the money out of you." Satoru's blood runs cold. But it's fine. Everything is A-Okay. He just needs to-

His thought process is cut off with a punch to his chin. With a grunt, he stumbles backwards, begging his thoughts to work and vision to actually see. Okay. Focus. He's been in too many fights to count. He's won too many fights to count. Psycho murderer or drunk dad, he's got it down. Satoru's worked on the field before, he knows how to fight. Well, how to fight when he's sober.

He could either stay and incapacitate the guy or take a gamble and run for it. And it seems his throbbing headache has decided for him. He'll do as much damage as possible and get somewhere safe. Home.

The man approaches again but this time Satoru is prepared, with a lot of struggle he catches the arm flying towards him and flings his leg out, knocking the guy to the ground. It would have been an awesome win... If he hadn't been dragged down with him. A loud, metallic clang rings out through their heavy breathing and Satoru turns his head to see his phone had fallen to the floor and is... ringing?

His heart pounds as he recognises the photo saved. Suguru. Ah, shit. He's late home isn't he. Best to deal with this as quick as possible then (if his head would stop pounding, that'd be very helpful). Unfortunately, or fortunately as it probably saved him another punch to the face, the guy also sees his phone ringing. Glancing over he laughs, cold and harrowing, "This your guy?" Satoru hated him. He didn't deserve to speak about Suguru, "He gonna be mad at what I'll do to you?" Satoru is shaking with rage. Or fear. Both, probably. So, as he punches the guy's jaw, he's satisfied with the crack he hears echo around the alley.

Writhing in pain, the man cradles his face in his hands, Satoru, shaking and so fucking tired, stumbles to his phone. He grabs it and shoves it into his pocket, he'll call Suguru later, or just see him at home. How the hell is he supposed to explain how late he is?

He could think of an excuse on the way back to the apartment. Well, that was if he could get his brain to function normally. Whatever was on the cloth got him good, clumsily making his way down the silent roads he squeezes his eyes shut hoping to will his migraine away. That guy was lucky he drugged him or he would've had something much worse than a broken jaw.

With muscle memory and a whole lot of luck, Satoru makes it to his apartment door with blood on his clothes, hesitant steps and an exasperated look from his neighbours. After three attempts he jams the key into the keyhole feeling dizzy, dehydrated and on the verge of throwing up.

Dazed and rattled, Satoru swings the door open and collapses into the doorframe.

"...Satoru?"

Chapter Text

"Sa...toru?" Suguru's words faded in and out of his ears. Just breathe. Just breathe and get to bed.

"S'guru" Fuck. He's slurring his words now? What was on that cloth.

"'M fine... Really." Satoru slumps further into the doorway, closing his eyes for a moment before snapping them open at the sound of heavy footsteps rushing towards him. Suguru jolts up and dashes towards Satoru, pulling him into their apartment by his hand. 

"Satoru what the fuck happened to you? You didn't text after leaving work, you're home half an hour later than usual, you have blood on your collar and you're shaking and-"

"Shhh." Satoru's head pounds. He knows whatever he was forced to inhale wasn't toxic - he would know by now, part of his training was poison exposure, he knows the difference between lethal poisons and something that will just knock you out like Benadryl. His main focus right now is getting Suguru off his back, getting to his room and going to bed. "I'm fine. I just forgot to eat lunch and ended up hitting my head on the low doorframe at work. I promise, I'm cool."

He pulls his hand from Suguru's with more struggle than he would've liked and begins stumbling to the kitchen counter, before his breath is knocked from his lungs at the increase in pace (and maybe... something else?) when Suguru's hand is planted on his waist, guiding him to one of the counter's highchairs. Suguru plops Satoru onto the chair, shut and locks the door and sighs, bringing a hand up to smooth out the frown between his eyebrows. He's certainly skeptical - especially about the blood part, but he trust Satoru. Maybe that's a stupid thing to do, though.

"You're an idiot, Satoru. Maybe it's a good thing you're home so late 'cause dinner is almost done." He looks Satoru up and down one more time before going to stir the pot on the stove, keeping one eyes on Satoru despite his protests of being 'fine'. "You can't be forgetting to eat - that's serious." He turns closer to the stove and Satoru swears he hears a shaky exhale. "Is that why you had trouble getting home?.." He trails off, staring intently at the soup.

Suguru is an angel, really. That is the perfect opt out! "Yeah, that's why. It's stupid really, a dumb mistake. It was a busy day today - you know how it is." He looks at Suguru's long hair cascading down his shoulders until he tenses up.

"Stop it Satoru. You scared me." Suguru turns away after turning the hob off, looking a Satoru with a serious expression. Satoru is taken aback, firstly, he didn't know what drug was running through his veins right now and, secondly, he'd scared Suguru? Because he 'didn't eat enough'? Suguru and Satoru never had been the type of friends to be all sappy, more so deciding to insult each other every waking moment and bicker until they'd both lost their voices. So why was Suguru looking at him with so much worry in his eyes?

"I..." Satoru trailed off, looking down at his lap. His head hurt and he wasn't hungry at all but... he could have something, for Suguru's sake. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you, I normally don't just forget like that." He looks back up at Suguru and smiles, "Let's eat?"

Suguru's posture relaxes and he returns a soft smile. Pouring the soup into two bowls, he meets Satoru's eyes, "I'm making your lunch for tomorrow. And I'll be texting you to make sure you've eaten." He smiles challengingly, as if daring Satoru to disagree with him. Satoru just shook his head exasperated, wincing as he immediately regretted it with a sharp, throbbing pain behind his eyelids. Laying his head on the cool, marble counter he closed his eyes.

"Satoru? You- you're sure you're okay?" Suguru is by his side - when did that happen? - and his hand is hovering over Satoru's shoulder. Satoru inwardly groans, he should call Nanami, he knows more about drugs and narcotics and stuff like that, he actually listened to all of Yaga's lectures.

"I'm okay, busy day as I said, I think I'll eat in my room tonight. Sorry," He lifts his head from the counter and Suguru shuffles back slightly to give him some space, "I know we haven't really talked today but-"

"Go eat." Suguru's worried frown slowly fades as he searches Satoru's face for something that he seemingly finds as a light smile flutters onto his lips. Handing Satoru his bowl and telling him to throw his shirt away, deeming it too stained to salvage, and to stop missing the bright yellow caution tape on the doorway that you can clearly see, Satoru. 

-

Collapsing onto his bed, Satoru shrugs his jacket off and scours inside his pockets for his phone, he shuffled to sit upright against his headboard. He had to call Nanami now, who knows if this drug would have an affect on his memory, too. His phone rings three times before he hears a crisp, "Hello?" sound out into the darkness of his room.

"Nanami." Satoru sighs, putting his phone on speaker and having a spoonful of soup. He would've had more but, truthfully, he'd lost his appetite.

"Why did you call me this late Gojo?" Nanami's tone took on a worried edge at the lack of words from his usually chattering colleague.

"On my out of work, I got drugged by some guy in the alley. Usual motive, don't worry, just wanted cash." Satoru did consider telling Nanami the truth but as much as he trusted the man, he didn't want, as unlikely as it is, Nanami accidentally - or purposefully - letting somebody still in the office hear. "I need you to tell me if it'll have any severe side effects."

The line was quiet for a moment as he listed his symptoms - dizziness, headache, the usual - before he heard the sound of Nanami typing. A distant sigh is heard before Nanami's voice come crackling through the speaker again, "It's likely Propofol or something similar. I'll just get Shoko to double check and clear you to go to bed." Satoru closes his eyes, the mumbling over his phone subconsciously lulling him further into sleep.

"Gojo?" Satoru's eyes are closed and his breathing has evened out, blowing through his phone loud enough for Nanami to hear.

Nanami huffs out a laugh, it sounding tinny over the speakers. "Sleep well, Gojo. You walking disaster."

Satoru smiles as Nanami hangs up.

Suguru wasn't stupid. He knew Satoru was under the influence of something. Satoru didn't drink so it wasn't alcohol, maybe he'd turned a new leaf and was a drug addict now? Okay, that was just stupid. He was likely under the influence of some sort of sleeping drug. Suguru kept his steps silent as he crawled towards Satoru's room. Pushing the ajar door open, Suguru saw Satoru asleep on his bed still in his work uniform, soup practically untouched. Most likely a sleeping drug then, perhaps something as simple as melatonin, or maybe something more serious.

The real question was why. Satoru hadn't said anything about struggling to sleep before, and even if he had taken it himself, why would he take it before getting home? None of this made sense. He decided to visit his workplace, he knew Shoko was still likely to be working this late at the very least. Closing Satoru's blinds and door, he crept to the door of the apartment and left Satoru alone.

Getting into his car, Suguru's nerves hadn't calmed one bit. Why would Satoru lie to him? He couldn't have been drunk, there was no reason for him to be and his breath didn't smell of it. It was very unlikely he was intoxicated of his own free will, so why didn't he tell him? Gripping the steering wheel a bit too tight, Suguru turned into the parking lot of Satoru's workplace and was delighted to see the lights still on in the upstairs window. Shoko shouldn't mind him visiting... Well, she shouldn't mind too much.

Locking his car, Suguru walked up to the front door but hesitated at a noise coming from the alley beside him. Peering into the darkness, Suguru spotted a puddle of a man curled up on the floor. Cautiously stepping closer, Suguru held his hand out, "are you alright, sir?" he gave a caring smile as the man looked up.

"You... You're the other one aren't you? You're the other one from the car?" The man's voice was slurred and shaky as though he'd been out in the freezing night air for a while... Perhaps he had. Suguru's smile faded as quickly as it had come as he spots the man's open bag with... A suspicious bottle of liquid and a pink, tattered cloth inside. A sleeping drug. Stepping closer and reading the label Suguru felt physically ill, 'dizziness', 'sweating'... 'nervousness'...

Oh he hoped to God he wasn't right. "I'm who?" He shuffled closer to the delirious man. 

"The one who was in the car." His pupils darted around Suguru, "The one with the white haired one. Gojo. The one I wanted - weak and easy like his parents said."

It seems Satoru had beat him to giving the guy a good punch or two. The red oozing down his face seemed to be the cause of his fractured speech - maybe Satoru had given him a concussion. Good. "How do you know Gojo?" Suguru asked, he didn't want to say Satoru's first name in case the man didn't know it already, which was unlikely really as Satoru was well known in the media as his parents' 'failure'. To be honest, Suguru didn't know why people still bothered him about that... He didn't inherit the business, and even if he did it's nobody else's business to be butting into. Morons like this guy deserve to be knocked down a peg.

"Gojo?... Who- Oh." The man's eyes focus in on Suguru as fire erupts within them, "That's the fucker who almost killed me. Yeah, that's right. You a cop? I gotta go report 'im." The man's lips stretch into an eerie smile and Suguru has had enough.

"Unfortunately for you, I'm the opposite of a cop, have you already forgotten?" He mirrored the man's smile.

The man finally seemed to collect his thoughts enough to realise who Suguru is... again, "W-wait! You're the one with him! The one in the car during the chase. Stay away from me!" Scrambling backwards, over trash thrown askew on the dirty cobble, the man attempted to stand up.

However, it seemed his head injury was still causing him some trouble. You did good Satoru.

-

Suguru has had to clean not one, but two pairs of clothes in one day. Getting home around 1AM, Suguru almost collapsed onto the couch but dragged himself to the bathroom to clean up. Going through the routine ingrained in his brain from how many times he's done it, Suguru adds a little more bleach than necessary into the washing machine, ensuring to douse his clothes with hydrogen peroxide before-hand, cleans under his nails and washes his hair - shampoo-ing twice.

On his way to his bedroom, Suguru peeks into Satoru's room to see him now under the covers and snoring heartily. Suguru giggles until remembering why he just had to shower for the second time today. His eyes grew blurry as he looked at his best friend, he still didn't understand why Satoru hadn't told him the truth. Was he scared? Did he think Suguru wouldn't believe him?

He rubs his eyes, frustrated, "Sorry Satoru," he mumbles out, "I don't know why you didn't tell me but you did good. You concussed the guy, broke his jaw and got yourself home safe." His lip wobbles. "I'm so proud of you Satoru, I'm sure you must've been terrified." He exhales shakily, he should get to bed himself.

Stepping back to close Satoru's door, he's interrupted by a quiet, "Sugu...?"

"Ah, Satoru..." Suguru hesitated, "I was just checking you were okay after earlier, I didn't mean to wake you." Suguru had never been so vulnerable and sincere with Satoru so much in one day before. Had he heard the words he'd said just now?

"Mmm. Thanks." Satoru's eyes peeked out from beneath his soft, white hair, "You going to bed?" his sleepy voice drawls.

Suguru smiles, "Yeah, goodnight, Satoru." It seems he hadn't, that was good. Suguru didn't want Satoru connecting him to what was bound to be on the morning news.

"Come." Satoru gestures towards his own bed.

"I have my own bed, y'know," Suguru chuckled, slightly nervous at touching any injuries that freak had left on Satoru.

"Mmm, come on, you're gonna properly wake me up at this rate." Satoru squeezed his eyes shut, making grabby hands in Suguru's general direction.

Suguru huffed a laugh, stepping into Satoru's room and closing the door with a soft click, "You are unbelievable." Satoru just hugged Suguru close to him, sticking his tounge out.

Although both of them had endured a stressful and traumatising night, this close to each other, it felt like everything would work it's way out.

Waking up to Suguru is his arms wasn't anything new yet his heart beat still sped up. Why was Suguru is his bed, exactly? He didn't remember waking up during the night... Did Suguru just... get into his bed? Satoru moved his arm to scrub at his eyes, realising it was trapped underneath Suguru.

"Hmm?" freeing his arm, Suguru rolled over to look at Satoru, bright blue met hazy purple, "Good mornin'" he smiles sleepily. Satoru ignores his stupid heartbeat, he thinks Nanami was wrong about the only side effects being dizziness and whatever. He's clearly still under the influence of some unknown side effect.

"Morning - why're you in my bed?" Satoru gestures vaguely to Suguru under the covers. Suguru face pinches with confusion.

"You asked me to sleep with you?" Satoru's jaw drops and Suguru's face is rapidly turning a beet-red.

"No- I didn't mean-"

"Wow, Suguru, I didn't know you were so dirty to do that when I was clearly unwell, you-"

"Shut up." Suguru grumbles into the hands covering his face and Satoru laughs warmly.

-

Satoru was feeling one hundred times better than yesterday, his head wasn't hurting, he didn't feel like puking - life was great!

So, imagine his shock when he sees the guy who tried to blackmail him yesterday dead on the news. Dead. Like gone.

Look, Satoru is a trained professional but even he knows he isn't strong enough to kill a guy with a punch to the jaw and jab to the head. When he left the alleyway, he knew the guy was alive - writhing in pain and crying out. So, how did he end up dead? Perhaps Nanami... That was laughable, actually. Yes, Nanami hates working overtime which inevitably happened yesterday after Satoru had called him, but he wouldn't kill the guy for that. He hoped...

Satoru wasn't necessarily upset about his attacker's death, it brought attention away from the car chase people wouldn't stop bugging him about. It makes sense, a murderer is a higher risk than two idiots speeding. Still, Satoru was curious on who would kill the guy that brutally. Maybe Suguru... Hm. No, he couldn't have, Satoru didn't tell him what happened, plus why would he leave the house? It wouldn't make sense. Then who?

It was too early for this. Drinking his barely-coffee-concoction with twelve (yes, twelve) packets of sugar, Satoru stood from the couch and got ready for work. He'll probably know more about the case at work, especially since it occurred quite literally next door. Stopping by the bathroom to properly clean and assess his injuries he hadn't got time to check yesterday, Satoru is delighted to find he doesn't need stitches.

Saying goodbye to Suguru, Satoru is off to work. On his walk through the park, Satoru thinks about the past few days. Specifically, about Suguru. Suguru was confusing, to say the least. Ever since Satoru found out about his crimes they've both been pretending nothing is different. It doesn't seem too different from before but it truly is. Suguru is still his best friend and they're not struggling to talk or act normal with each other or anything, but it's as though Satoru sees him in a new light.

He now knows about the crimes he's committed - from petty theft to violent assaults - Suguru had sat him down and told him about everything. Every last crime. It was... unsettling perhaps to hear about it. Not really because of Suguru but because Satoru didn't necessarily care. And that scared him. 

He was an undercover police officer, he'd heard of violent crimes, he'd seen violent crimes, he didn't expect to be shocked, yet he had expected to feel... something. Satoru had struggled to see Suguru differently, Suguru was his best friend, his roommate, it... didn't really change anything that he was a criminal.

And maybe Satoru should be ashamed. Maybe he should have reported Suguru to the police as soon as he found his work phone, maybe he should have listened to Suguru himself when he said he wouldn't be angry if Satoru got him arrested. Yet, he didn't care.

Suguru had stolen, punched, kicked, blackmailed, even tortured people on rare occasion. Hell, Suguru had stolen a car, took Satoru for a drive and ended up running from the cops. Yet, what had Satoru done? He had taken the wheel and ran from the cops too.

Satoru thinks it would be kind of hypocritical of him to hate Suguru or turn him in for his crimes.

If you asked Satoru the thing he'd had to do on the field, he wouldn't have the stomach to tell you. To admit the things he had done. Suguru was better than him here, he could speak of the atrocities he has committed. Satoru couldn't dare remember. Unwelcome memories swirled around in his mind.

Shaking his head side to side, Satoru realised he was stood in the elevator of his office building. He had to really focus today, he couldn't be spacing out if he was to go back to field work.

-

He didn't even get a moments calm before Shoko had called his name from her desk. Satoru strolled over, sighing exaggeratedly, "What do you want, Shoko?"

Standing from her desk, Shoko picks up a handful of lollipops and waves in his general direction, "Follow me." Satoru raises an eyebrow but didn't question further, following Shoko into the medical exam room. "Sit down, Satoru."

Shoko sets herself down in her chair, booting her computer up and sends a questioning gaze in Satoru's direction at his hovering. "Satoru? Maybe it's worse that we thought..." Shoko trailed off conspiratorially. 

"Hey! There's nothing wrong with me, you literally cleared me yesterday, in case you don't remember." Satoru's postures softens slightly as he approaches the chair beside the bed.

"That was over the phone. Doesn't mean there's nothing wrong with you, moron, I'm still going to do a check up." She places a lollipop into her mouth, typing into her computer, presumably pulling Satoru's file up. "Plus, I need to write a report on it, could be something related to work and not just your charm and dashing good looks, as you say." Shoko rolls her eyes before turning to Satoru for the first time since they entered the room.

Satoru's hair shielded his face as he gazed downwards, "What do you have to do?" he mumbled. Satoru had never liked going to the doctors, especially as a kid, he didn't like people touching him and definitely didn't like the idea that there was something wrong with him. His parents needed a perfect little heir for their company, he smiled slightly at the reminder of his personal 'fuck you' to his parents. He hadn't inherited the company like they wanted, opting for being undercover instead. The main reason he took the alias of an office worker was to spite his parents, something they considered so boring and easy being their protege's job infuriated them.

Shoko clearing her breath brings him back to reality, right, check up. "I know you don't like them but you gotta have one done, 'kay?" She swirls the paper stick in her mouth, the lollipop now bitten off. "I'm just going to check the injuries you got yesterday, I'll be starting with your temple here, okay?" Shoko slipped some blue gloves onto her hands, waiting for Satoru's miniscule nod to begin prodding at him.

Finishing her exam as quick as possible, Shoko assures Satoru he doesn't need stiches and to put some ice packs on certain spots when he gets home. She doesn't comment on the shivers and sharp exhales if she notices them. Satoru appreciates it.

"I didn't kill him, if you're wondering." Satoru clarifies as Shoko chucks her gloves into the bin, popping another lollipop into her mouth.

"I was curious." Shoko hums, meeting Satoru's eyes, "You know who did?" she studies his expression.

"Nope!" Satoru rushes to assure, hopping off the chair. "Can I go now, doctor Shoko?" He grins at Shoko's deadpan expression.

"Get out." She basically pushes him out of the door before pausing, "Oh, don't forget about your talk with Yaga today. I'm oh-so-excited to see you in my office more often." Shoko tried to make light of it and congratulate him with her usual sarcasm, hoping it would take some worry from Satoru about being in a doctor's office. She didn't know what his parents and doctors did to make him so afraid of being put under anaesthesia or just having a simple check up but she always tried to make it as quick as possible and be as gentle as she could. Though, if you asked her that she would vehemently deny it. She must have done something right, though, because Satoru smiles at her cheekily.

"I knew you loved spending time with me!"

She takes everything back, actually.

Chapter Text

After leaving Shoko's office, Satoru had only 20 minutes before his meeting with Yaga. He wasn't that worried or anything about it, in fact he couldn't wait for it to be over and done with - plus, Yaga shouldn't make it too long if he'd learnt anything about Satoru's rapidly depleting attention span.

Yaga had made an attempt to get Satoru to do more work, focus more, just do more in general, he'd quickly given that up though. Satoru was intelligent and was literally the best officer they had their hands on, plus Yaga definitely had a soft spot for him. Turning up at the office doors a sheltered and neglected sixteen year old looking for somewhere to belong had shocked Yaga. Satoru hadn't wanted to make friends or enjoy his job, all he had wanted as an angry child was to disappoint his parents, and as much as he already had, he wanted it to be on purpose this time.

He started out an intern in the office cover-work part of this job and was introduced to Nanami, another intern, who would be showing him around. Perhaps Yaga's logic was another child could make him warm up, make him feel welcomed. And it had worked, he began nagging Nanami every chance he got, and, to his shock, he began thinking of the boy as his friend. Nanami thought the same, he's sure - though he would never admit it.

He soon met Shoko, and her smoking buddy, Suguru. He had changed so much since appearing on the doors of what he thought was a basic, boring ass company. He had met all of his friends. He had felt like the sun actually began to shine on him rather than burn his skin - bring him to life. He had found his purpose. And it really was because Yaga took him as his own personal challenge to nurture. Yaga was more so his father than his own blood was. Though, they do say you can pick your family. If that's true Satoru definitely picks the old man, he'll annoy him for the rest of his days.

Satoru is brought from his thoughts by Yaga's insistent tapping on his desk. He wonders how long he can feign ignorance just to annoy the man. "I know you can hear me, Satoru. Come, it's 11am already."

Satoru stands from his chair and trails Yaga into a conference room, so professional. "Yeah, yeah, stop whining old man." If he were anyone else, he surely would've been fired years ago.

Sitting opposite one another, they both take their seats, Yaga sighing before addressing Satoru, "So, back to field work?"

"Yep." Satoru doesn't grace him with a reason, that's his business thankyou very much.

Yaga's brows scrunch together like they normally do when he's struggling with the day's WORDLE puzzle, as though he's studying him - trying to make sense of him. "Satoru." He meets his eyes and a shiver almost runs down his spine. Yaga can be intimidating sometimes, "You're sure?"

Yaga had always had a soft spot for his staff, but Satoru was a special case. A malnourished, fucking everything deprived child showing up at his door was almost his last straw (He's sure that day was when his hairs began turning grey, though). He had welcomed the white-haired boy into his building, given him the job (specifically missing off the parent's phone numbers on his file) and had done everything in his power to help the kid... be a kid. He placed him in the same office with Shoko and had Nanami be his guide, he'd come to know the Gojo heir as just Satoru, his employee.

"Yes, I'm sure. You think I'd ask if I wasn't?" Satoru cocks a challenging eyebrow at Yaga, smirking at the twitch in his eye.

"I'm not underestimating you, Satoru. I'm just making sure you do want to work again." He didn't mention how differently he had acted for a while after... the most infamous mission of his. After Toji he'd been... absent, for lack of a better word, "If you wish to do that type of work again, I'm not going to stop you, you're the best we've got." He smiled softly, looking lost in his thoughts.

Clearing his throat, he continued, "I've got a mission for you here." A brown file is slid across the desk that Satoru eagerly looks at. Well he looks at the first three lines then gets bored, looking up at Yaga with sparkling eyes. "A drug dealer." He's such a softie, reading Satoru the mission file 'cause he simply didn't want to, "Down near that bakery you and Nanami go to on occasion. The intel we have is that he is one of Toji's men." He pauses, looking up to gauge Satoru's expression which is carefully blank, "If you don't want this mission, I can request a-"

"I'll take it." Satoru has a determined glint in his eye, "Don't go worrying about me, Yaga. If you're so concerned think of it as a sort of... closure." Taking down one of Toji's men could be seen as as a fuck you to Toji, so hell yeah he'd take the mission.

Yaga studies him for a moment before standing, "It's nice to have you back, Satoru."

On his way out of work, Satoru texts his live location to Shoko as she had insisted since he didn't want to bring a partner along with him. It's not as this is something new, he'd done drug raids by himself many times before and nothing had gone wrong, and yeah, he'd just got back on the job but come on, he was the strongest they had. They were going to manifest his downfall into existence if they didn't stop their worrying.

Everything was going to be fine, a normal drug raid.

You know what wasn't fine though? His thoughts. He couldn't stop his mind from drifting to the guy from the alley. As he'd suspected he had gotten access to the information on his wounds at work and holy shit did he die a painful death. Severe head trauma, including 12 skull fractures and a nose so shattered it couldn't be put back together correctly for the man's funeral, multiple cigarette burns on his arms, neck and face, deep gashes all over his body and signs of asphyxia multiple times, as though he'd been strangled almost to death then allowed to breathe for a moment over and over again.

Who the hell did he piss off? It seems incredibly excessive for something that's not personal. Had he attempted to blackmail and assault others before Satoru and had a target on his back? Perhaps Satoru started a sort of chain by hurting him and someone had taken to opportunity to kill him? Satoru couldn't imagine going through that torture before dying, a shiver slivered down his spine as he thought of it. Seriously, who was the guy to have deserved that?

Satoru had done different types of work in his job that hadn't been personal, yet had been similar to the guy's injuries. Maybe the killer was a trained professional? It seemed to have a strong motive and it took some guts to do all that to another person. Satoru doesn't know if he could hurt someone to that level and live with himself afterwards. If it was Suguru, Satoru couldn't... Could he? If it was Suguru who had been hurt by that guy Satoru... doesn't know what he'd do. Isn't that a terrifying thought?

Could he murder someone so brutally, torture someone in such ways in Suguru's name? He can't say no for certain. He'd done horrible, nightmarish things for the sake of the job never mind his best friend.

If Satoru thinks of Suguru in this way, could it be possible he also thinks like that? Would Suguru kill for him? Would Suguru murder someone in such a nauseating way for him? Suguru did admit to hurting people for money. He would have the experience to... do what the guy's killer had, wouldn't he? Holy shit. Could Suguru have actually killed the guy?

No, no. This was getting out of hand. Suguru didn't actually kill people, he called the police after to make sure the guys he hurt didn't die. And, to be honest, Satoru couldn't imagine Suguru actually killing someone. The guy may be incredibly muscular and kinda intimidating, but he wasn't a murderer. This was stupid, he should focus on his mission.

At least, that's what he told himself. Despite this, a tiny inkling of a suspicion had formed in Satoru's mind. Yes, Suguru had admitted to being a criminal but he wasn't a killer. Or, was he?

-

Arriving in front of the small house, Satoru knew this was his destination without checking his phone. He always tried to be open-minded and considerate but come on, this place looked like a crack house. He double checked anyway, patting himself on the back when he saw he was correct. Tucking his pistol into the back of his pants, he sent Yaga the message that he was here and told him to send a cop car for when he got out with the guy and gave himself a rundown of this mission.

Satoru had to pretend to be a buyer as not to startle the guy - everyone had been on edge since Toji's arrest just over a month ago - and signal for the cops when he got the drugs. Easy enough. He was kind of insulted he had been given such an easy mission, but he guesses it's only fair for his first one back on duty. Yaga had probably pressured the higher ups to tone it down for his first actual job since his break which he supposed he would be thankful for.

Approaching the front door with a crisp knock, Satoru kept his head down and recited the code in his head. The door opened with a creak, stopping at the chain keeping it open only a few centimetres. "What d'ya want?" The man sniffed, looking Satoru up and down. Satoru met the man's eyes and recited the code he'd been told to get the drugs. The man smiled and Satoru could see two missing teeth among the yellowed ones in his mouth. The door closed again and opened wide this time, the chain taken off.

"I admit, I wa' skeptical when I first saw ya'" the man speaks with an accent Satoru can't quite place, leading him to the living room, "Ya' don't look like the type." Satoru could agree with that. He didn't enjoy alcohol, in no world would he ever touch drugs.

"It's for m' mam" Satoru easily shifts his mask, mirroring the man's accent now he had heard him talk enough, "She likes it from you, she says." In the living room, the man rustles around under a coffee table, "It's the best from me, your mama's right, boy!" he cackles a laugh, pulling out a bag from a box under the table. "You from around here? Sounds like it."

Satoru joins the man on the couch, his focus on asking about the drugs, "Sure am, born and raised." He smiled brightly at the older man before gesturing to the bag, "What do you have?"

"The best seller," the man shakes a bag of white power in front of Satoru's face, "My very own recipe, won't find nothin' better than this, tho' your mama's already got that right!" He cackles another laugh. Satoru takes the bag and opens it, inspecting the contents, "It's ¥3100, you wanna buy?"

Satoru clicks the button on his watch to signal the police officers around the corner and takes the man up on his offer. Handing over the money, Satoru is led to the door, bag in hand. "Thankyou, sir." He says, his back to the man as he steps outside.

"You're welcome, young man, come back any ti-"

Officers swoop in from both sides of Satoru, placing the man in cuffs. "Wh- what!? You sneaky little- Oh, you!" The man curses at Satoru as he is dragged over to an awaiting police car.

An older police officer pats him on the shoulder, "Good work Gojo-san, let's finish this search." Satoru smiles at her, feeling the warmth in his stomach at the compliment and goes back inside the house after handing the bag over. Now more focused on the house itself, the stale smell wriggles into Satoru's nose, did this guy ever open the windows? He heads straight upstairs as other officers take the kitchen and living room. Walking up the barley-carpeted stairs, Satoru begins in the master bedroom.

Checking under the bed, in the closet, down the sides of drawers and tables, inside cushions. He ends up coming out with four bags and a bottle of pills. Searching the guest bedroom is the last place in the house untouched, his colleagues had already looked in the third bedroom and bathroom. Rolling his sleeves back up, Satoru is ready to get this over with, he's surprisingly tired despite it being only early afternoon, maybe he did need to be eased into missions.

Crouching down to the floor, Satoru peers under the bed and falls backwards onto his ass at the sight he sees. Two pairs of eyes peeking up at him. What the fuck.

"Um..." he trails off, they looked like two... kids? "Come here, I'm an officer, see?" He pulled his badge out from his breast pocket and held it out under the bed but instead slid it towards the children when they shrunk in fear. "I'm not here to hurt you, could you... come out from there?" God, he didn't know how to deal with kids.

Luckily it seemed they didn't need much convincing as hushed whispers floated from under the bed before a girl rolled out in front of Satoru, her linen dress dirty and tattered. Satoru glanced under the bed at a head of spiky hair climbing out too before looking at the girl's face. He was met with a blinding smile, "Hey, mister! I'm Tsumiki Fushiguro, and this is my brother Megumi!"

She seemed happy for a child hiding under a bed in a drug dealers house. They looked to be about and six and seven years old, no wounds from what he could see- wait. Had she said... "Fushiguro?" Satoru blinks owlishly.

The boy grabs his sister's hand and places himself between her and Satoru, his breath quickening and he hisses out, "Tsumiki! How do we know he isn't with him."  The girl seems to register his words as she stiffens, her eyes widening and becoming shiny with tears. "W-wait! Please don't take us back to him! Please, sir! We don't- we don't want to-" her rushed words are interrupted by hiccups.

Satoru is frozen, these were Toji Zenin's, or Fushiguro's rather, kids? Why were they here? Fuck. Focus, Satoru, "Hey, I'm not with your father-" he corrects himself at the shiver that wracks the boy's small frame, "-Him, I'm a police officer, I'm here to help." He offers a placating hand to the children, releasing a breath as the girl's tears slow.

"Now, why are you two here?" Satoru questions, picking his badge up off the carpet and shoving it into his pocket.

"We don't have to tell you anything!" came the boy's - Megumi's - reply. He seemed like a real stubborn one.

Luckily, Tsumiki seemed to be the opposite, "Megumi, he's a police officer, be nice." The boy only huffed as Tsumiki stood beside him now, "Me and Megumi haven't been here long, since our father... Gave up on us," she looked down at her feet before sighing and meeting Satoru's eyes again, "We've been alone, we move around a lot, staying in houses easy to get into and to get food from."

It was only now that Satoru had realised just how skinny the kids in front of him were, they we're covered in a layer of grime and looked almost starved. "Do you, uh, have any other family?" Satoru knew he was probably being insensitive, the kids clearly didn't like their dad, but what was he supposed to say - 'Hey kids, come and live with me!' ?

"It's just us." Megumi spoke up, shooting Satoru an annoyed look - what was with this kids temper!? Satoru just grumbled under his breath and convinced the kids to come with him to a police car out front. Well, it wasn't that easy. Megumi was worse off than Tsumiki, Satoru guessed he had given the majority of the food they found to her, which left him struggling to pull his own weight. Tsumiki, although with more skin on her bones, seemed to be incredibly dehydrated and got dizzy when she stood for too long. Satoru was really in it now.

Walking out of the front door with two kids in his arms - one thrashing in defiance and the other leaning into his shoulder - wasn't on his to-do list. So much for this mission being easy. It seems he wasn't the only one surprised by the turn of events as the officers on the porch and lawn looked to him in shock, with the exception of a few looking on in awe at his determination in ignoring Megumi's tantrum. Placing the children into the back of a car, Satoru addressed his colleagues, talking them through the situation.

"We're going to have to contact social services right?" One officer said with another chiming in, "I can call the adoption centre?" Satoru considered these options. He hadn't told the other officers the kids were Toji's, worried they might freak out and, in turn, freak the kids out more. Adoption likely wouldn't be an option. Toji came from the Zenin, his kids would have targets on their back - whether they knew it or not (something told him Megumi had known from his comment earlier), so a foster family or adoption centre would be dangerous.

If the wrong person got their hands on the children - especially with Toji no longer being a threat as he was now awaiting trial in prison - who knows what would happen to them. Toji had pissed off a shit ton of people. People who would harm innocent children without so much as a blink to get back at him. They couldn't go to the adoption centre. What the fuck was Satoru going to do?

Explaining the situation to his floor in the office conference room was not an easy task. For some reason, he felt some sort of unbridled rage for these children, who he'd met barley an hour ago, mind you. He didn't know what otherworldly force had possessed him when he blurted out, "adoption wouldn't be an option for them - they should stay with the police. I could be their main caretaker as to not cause too much trouble."

Silence. Satoru had even shocked himself, honestly. "You?" Shoko vocalized, stunned. It wasn't said in a demeaning or taunting way, simply pure shock. And Satoru agreed. He had always hated children, couldn't stand the little monsters, but something tugged in his heart for these two. He felt an urge, a need to care for them.

"I have an apartment, a roommate who is home everyday of the week and is good with children - having two younger sisters of his own - and the children have... taken a liking to me?" Okay, the last part was a lie but what was he supposed to say! He, Satoru, who hated children, wanting to care for children? He had to convince them he could do this.

"Satoru. These children are Toji Fushiguro's children, they will be a threat to whoever they are staying with, I don't think it's a good idea to-"

"Yaga, sir, if I may?" Haibara is the last person Satoru had expected to jump to his defence, "Gojo-san is someone who looked after me when I first began working here, he is lovely company to have when going out to eat and he cares a lot for other people. I believe he would be a good choice for these children to stay with."

"Haibara..." Satoru was lost for words.

"I agree." Nanami's cheeks grow a slight pink, "Gojo is talented at bugging-" he coughs, "socialising with others and, as Yu said, he would be a good caretaker for the children. Yaga, I believe you should give him a chance." Seeing people come to his defence and support his decision wasn't something new, the servants from his childhood praised every little thing he did. Yet, his co-workers, his equals, his friends believing in him felt like a breath of fresh air.

Yaga relented and looked to Satoru. Satoru looked back with a fire in his eyes, "I want to do this, Yaga."

Shoko pipes up from her seat beside Satoru, pulling the lollipop out of her mouth to talk, "I'd like to see how this goes too Yaga, I think having someone to bring Satoru off his pedestal could be a good thing. And who's better at humbling people more than kids?" She laughs at Satoru's squawk.

"I'll see what I can do." Yaga sighs, these kids we're gonna be the death of him.

Satoru coming home with two random kids was certainly a surprise to Suguru. He'd just been doodling away for his next client when he'd heard Satoru's annoyed voice and multiple pairs of footsteps entering the apartment. At first he'd thought Satoru had invited Shoko and maybe Nanami and Haibara over for Friday night-movie night, but no. Two small, sickly looking children stood in his kitchen. "What."

Satoru spun around to face Suguru, smiling awkwardly, "You heard us come in?"

"It sounded like a fucking hurricane, of course I heard you come in. Why are there two children in our apartment, Satoru?" Satoru winced at the use of a swear word, glancing to the two quietly talking children - since when had he been so careful around kids?

"It's only for a little while, Suguru, their parents..." he trailed off, sending an apologetic look to him, "And they don't have anywhere to go." Satoru placed the bags of groceries onto the counter, leaving two filled with clothes and toiletries off to the side, and began putting the food away. "You're probably thinking adoption, right?" Satoru talks while putting away the groceries at a rapid speed, "It's not possible. I don't know the exact details but it's better if they're with us."

Suguru watched the children study him, seemingly deciphering if he's a threat, he smiles kindly at them, "And why us, exactly?" he whispers, stepping closer to Satoru, he doesn't want the kids to get upset or something.

"I knew their dad, I'm the second option for them to go to if something were to happen to him or their mother and well... Here we are." He turns around to look face-to-face with Suguru, "I know it's sudden, I never told you because I didn't expect to ever have custody of them, but sorry if you don't want them staying here 'cause they are." And he says it with such finality Suguru wouldn't have argued further if he was planning on it.

He sighs, turning towards the children again who go quiet, the girl grabbing her brother's hand as Suguru crouches down to their level. "My name's Suguru, how about you two?" He softens his body language and stays as still as possible, not trying to scare the kids. They looked very malnourished... he wondered what had happened to them, and although he didn't want children at this point of his life, he was glad they were here. He and Satoru could give them a good childhood if they put their brains together every now and then.

"I'm Tsumiki, and this is Megumi." Tsumiki glances towards Satoru as she introduces herself and her brother, it seems they already trusted Satoru. That was to be expected though, he'd probably seen them before as he knew their parents. "It's nice to meet you." Suguru offers his hand which Tsumiki smiles and dutifully shakes, while Megumi huffs, much to Satoru's amusement.

"How about you two go to the bathroom and wash up, me and Satoru will put these bags in the room you'll be staying in, okay?" The children nodded and headed down the hallway with Satoru's guidance. Suguru, grabbing the plastic bags from the counter, just wanted a normal Friday night, yet he couldn't find it in himself to be too frustrated with his new roommates.

Two weeks with the Fushiguros

Having been given two days off work each week, to help care for the siblings, Satoru set about cleaning up the kids' room (formerly the guest room) while they were watching TV with Suguru. Folding the laundry, Satoru spotted something wedged into the side of their clothes drawer. Tugging it out, he was met with two matching dog collars. He was about to begin inspecting the name tags when the door creaked open.

"Don't touch them!" Megumi's small voice rang out and Satoru turned in his direction to find the kid right next to him snatching the collars from his hands. "Go away." He averted his gaze from Satoru, skilfully avoiding eye contact.

"Why do you have dog collars?" Satoru was content to leave it, but something nagged him in the back of his mind, maybe this was an opportunity to learn more about the kid.

"Shut up. Leave me alone." Megumi slumped onto the floor, staring at the collars, it was then that Satoru noticed the tears running down his cheeks.

"Megumi. It's alright, you don't have to tell me." Satoru shuffled closer to him, "Please don't cry..."

Megumi looked away and sniffled.

"I'll leave, I'm not going to take them from you or anything like that, I'm sorry for touching your things." Satoru stood up to leave.

"Wait!" He paused, "Thank you... For letting me keep them."

Satoru smiled, "Of course, kid."

Three weeks with the Fushiguros

"Can I pour the milk in?" Tsumiki asked from beside Suguru, perched on a stool.

"Of course." 

"Yay!" Tsumiki spilled milk down her school uniform, yet, that was the least of Suguru's concerns when her smile lit up the room.

Six weeks with the Fushiguros

"Suguru... You okay?"

"I'm fine Satoru, I've got to get to work, I have three clients today. Sorry to leave you with the kids alone..."

"It's cool, I'll see you."

Suguru cleaned more blood than usual off his clothes that night.

Nine weeks with the Fushiguros

"I don't think you should go in today, you look tired."

"I'm fine Satoru." Money. More jobs means more money.

The kids needed food. Satoru needed food. More jobs, more money.

Twelve weeks with the Fushiguros

"What's wrong with Geto-sama?" Tsumiki peered up at Satoru from his lap, Megumi joining her gaze.

"I..." Satoru was worried... He shouldn't scare the kids. "He'll be fine Tsumiki, he just has lots of hard work to do."

He didn't know if he was convincing himself or the kids.

Thirteen weeks with the Fushiguros

Sitting in the kitchen, Tsumiki and Megumi chatting idly while eating their soup with Megumi's dogs - who they had miraculously found wandering outside the apartment complex as though they had sensed Megumi's presence - sleeping soundly underneath the table, things were going well.

Suguru and him we're doing good, the kids had warmed up to them quite a lot for the short time span, they were doing good in school and were a lot more open to spending time with Satoru and Suguru.

Satoru just wishes Suguru's boss gave him some more time off, it seemed he was working most days of the week now. And that paired with the increase in incidents by the well known 'cultist' criminal only served to worry Satoru.

Suguru should be at home and safe right now but he's outside with some criminal roaming about that's becoming more violent day by day.

Fourteen weeks with the Fushiguros

Job. Work. Money. Food. Kids. Satoru.

Job. Work. Money. Feed the kids and Satoru.

Work. Money.

Job. Work.

Work.

Chapter Text

Suguru had told himself he wouldn't let it get bad again. If it was for his family, though, he couldn't really blame himself.

Not his actual family. His sisters, he adored, he would do anything for - they were the exception. But his parents?...

He was doing this for Satoru and their kids. He was doing fine.

At least, that's what he told himself as he took up the fourth job of the day.

Getting more time off work to care for the kids had been something Satoru had originally been ecstatic about - well, except the fact he couldn't annoy Nanami as much - but it was rather... worrying. He treasured spending time with Megumi and Tsumiki and watching them become more comfortable with him. But something was missing. Suguru was missing - all the time.

At first, he and Suguru had wrestled new parenthood and their own social lives, sinking into a sort of harmony each day as though the siblings had always been there - like he and Suguru actually had kids. And isn't that a funny thought? (Satoru would deny his heartrate rapidly increasing.)

But more often than not now, Suguru was at work. Satoru had the time off and he didn't mind having the kids all day but he just... missed Suguru. Such a thought worried him. He hadn't ever allowed himself to be lost in someone's company, until Suguru. He hadn't given his heart to someone, until Suguru. He hadn't trusted someone enough to love them wholeheartedly. Until Suguru. 

Satoru feels his heart stop beating with the tremor that rattles his bones at two realisations.

He loves Suguru. Like, love loves Suguru.

Suguru is getting bored of him.

The second realisation rings louder than the first.

Suguru is taking on more work because he's repulsed by the idea of him and Satoru raising kids together. He's gotten so sick of Satoru's constant brattiness he's doing everything he can to stay away from him. This all began when Satoru took more hours of work, that was when Suguru became distant. Holy shit. Suguru actually hates him.

Satoru is robbed of his thoughts at Megumi's curious tone, "Are you okay?"

Satoru blinks and immediately feels the wetness on his cheeks, he tips his head back over the couch and slings his arm over his eyes, replying childishly, "Thought you hated me for stopping you from drawing on the walls?"

"Kuro and Shiro are worried about you." And, as if to prove the kid's point, the dogs begin licking at him, "So, what's wrong." He more so demands it rather than asks it.

Tsumiki decides it's the perfect time to pipe up to with, "I saw you crying, mister Satoru... Are you okay?"

Fuck, he's being comforted by two fucking kids. God, get a grip Satoru. He sighs through his teeth and wills his face to return to a normal, not-red, colour, "I am not crying, I'm super strong," he brings his arm down to pat at whichever dog is closest, "I don't cry."

Tsumiki looks into his betraying eyes, "Just because you're strong, doesn't mean you can't cry." She hums for a moment, thoughtful, "Even superheroes cry!"

Megumi chimes in, "You were totally crying," which earns an elbow from Tsumiki, "Um, so... what happened?"

Satoru tries, he truly does, but Megumi's wide, worried eyes are an unknown and frankly unnecessary sight. He huffs out a breath and beckons the kids closer, both of them climbing under his open arms, "it's nothing you two need to worry about." He ruffles Tsumiki's hair absentmindedly, these kids are going to be the death of him.

"Is it about Mister Suguru?" Satoru wilts.

Megumi locks eyes with his sister and looks Satoru in the eye with a mischievous smirk, "so it is about Suguru?"

Satoru shoves them both sideways and stands from the couch (with some struggle from the ever-giddy dogs pawing at his legs). Facing his children he points an accusatory finger, "who knew having kids would be such a hassle? You're both little monsters, I tell you, monsters. And drop the 'mister', Tsumiki, we've both told you it's fine." They only giggle at his misfortune before Tsumiki seems to remember the topic of conversation.

"We... miss Suguru too." She looks down at her hands wrung in her lap, "It's okay to miss your friend. I miss my old friends too, sometimes, from before..." Tsumiki trails off and fuck, Satoru has just made everything worse. Way to go, getting the poor girl to remember her traumatic past! Satoru hates kids, they're way too curious.

"I do miss him." He sighs, looking upwards to keep any stray, witless tears from running, "I wish he was home more, is all."

Tsumiki and Megumi look to Satoru as though he were a wounded puppy, "I do too..." Megumi admits quietly, "But he's always home for dinner! We should see him soon." Megumi meets Satoru's curious eyes with a look so full of warmth Satoru's heart bursts.

"Yeah, we'll see him for dinner." He smiled.

After all, Satoru's skill at ignoring his feelings surpassed any other ability he possessed.

Suguru was tired okay. He takes at minimum three jobs a day - and that's alongside his, y'know, legal job. He barely had the energy to talk during dinner, never mind brush his teeth. But the money was good. He'd been taking on more violent jobs as of late - just to make sure Satoru, Megumi, and Tsumiki had everything they needed. He took jobs anywhere from intercepting a trade to just brutally murdering people. Suguru had always told himself he wouldn't take on a job that resulted in death but, can you really blame him? He's basically got a husband and kids to feed.

Husband? Maybe he should start sleeping again to sort these traitorous thoughts out. It's not like he would hate Satoru being his husband or anything. Really, Suguru had been in love with his best friend since they were sixteen, he had literally dreamt of his and Satoru's wedding on one rare occasion. Dreams of soft kisses and lingering glances plagued him when he slept - being part of the reason he doesn't really sleep anymore.

Satoru deserved someone better than Suguru. He was so full of joy and smiles and love. How could Suguru ever be enough for him?

Suguru sighed, dusting imaginary dust off his jeans as he walked back to the apartment, another day, another dozen crimes. Seriously, what was he doing with his life? At least his family had what they needed. That was his one and only priority. He had noticed something weird lately however, Satoru seemed sadder these days, and seeing that wounded puppy expression shook Suguru to his core - who could ever make Satoru, his Satoru so upset? (He couldn't fathom the idea that he was the cause.)

He would do anything to see him smile as often as he used to - a brightness so pure it lit up the room. Perhaps he could do some... investigating and find out who was making Satoru feel so blue, then he could use his newfound knowledge on, to be blunt, torture he'd learned from the past few weeks to show them just how precious Satoru is to him.

The hum of the elevator was a welcome noise after the cacophony of punches and slashes and screams Suguru had heard all day, closing his eyes he let himself feel the exhaustion that had only been building since they had welcomed Megumi and Tsumiki into their home. Maybe he should try and sleep tonight. Sleeping was something he could easily pass off though, and his dreams only filled his mind of fruitless love and horrifying violence anyway so, should he? He could just go do more work while everyone slept.

His thoughts spun back to Satoru again, he had slowly been going to work more often too as the kids settled in and spent more time at home alone. Suguru had told him he didn't have to as he could provide for everyone but Satoru had insisted, saying he needed someone his own age to talk to or he was going to go insane. It was then that Suguru realised he had been neglecting his family. As much as he tried to help them, he had only made their home feel empty. Yet, he couldn't stop working.

He just couldn't. He had gotten used to this routine and if he took a moment to relax gore and guts plagued his mind. He did miss his time with Satoru though: when they would play videogames that Satoru was always annoyingly good at, when he would cook with Satoru swinging his legs on the countertop, yelling out ingredients, watching movies of all genres - from cliché romances to lame horrors - Suguru missed it.

The elevator doors pinged open with a jingle Suguru had come to memorise and he rustled in his pocket for his keys. As he turned the key (the bow of it now decorated with stickers and sparkly nail polish, courtesy of Tsumiki) he heard the kids racing over to the door. He smiled, maybe he was neglecting his health and maybe he did hate himself more often than not these days, but he had his kids. And he would make sure he always had his kids.

Opening the door with a smile, Suguru held his arms open as he was bombarded by cheers and hugs.

"Welcome home," Satoru almost mumbled, uncharacteristically quiet. Suguru raised an eyebrow, he normally enjoyed having him home, had Suguru actually fucked up so bad Satoru hated him now?

Tsumiki looked back and forth between Satoru and Suguru before muffling a giggle with her hands and whispering to Suguru, "Satoru missed you so much today and he's embarrassed about it." Satoru's eyes flicked to the giggling girl and his mouth flew open with an, "Oi! I will not be disrespected in my own home!" He looked to the left and crossed his arms. Childish. This was more like his Satoru. Suguru decided to store the knowledge of what Tsumiki had said for later - that was a lot to unpack and he was just so tired.

"Let's eat, shall we?" Suguru spoke with a warmth he had forgotten he possessed, closing his eyes and smiling at the cheerful exclamations for the apparent three children he lived with.

With suds covering his hands, Satoru sighed into the sink, work was taking its toll on him. He'd been doing more on-field stuff, mostly to distract from the fact something was wrong with Suguru and he couldn't do anything about it. He felt helpless. More dangerous missions, less time with the kids, less Suguru overall. Don't get him wrong, he loved the kids with his whole heart but ever since they came into his and Suguru's life, they'd both been slowly drifting from each other. Maybe taking them in wasn't the right option...

Satoru scrubbed at the last bowl in the water before draining the sink, turning around to dry his hands when he came face to face with Suguru. Shit, fuck, shit. Um. Suguru was here. Well, obviously, he lived here, but he was right here. "Hey..." Satoru's eyes flicked from his face to the floor before settling just past Suguru's shoulder.

"Hey," Suguru shuffled around Satoru, grabbing a cloth before appearing in Satoru's vision again. He had always loved Suguru's eyes. So purple and swirling with so much care, how they sparkled when he saw his sisters, how they drooped when Satoru kept him awake well into the early morning watching movies. How they looked at Satoru.

Suguru's gaze settled on Satoru's cheeks and face, his eyes, with a furrow in his brow before flicking down to his lips. Then, gone. Suguru looked to the side. What the fuck. Had Satoru seen that right? Oh my God, Satoru might be going insane. Now he's hallucinating. Just brilliant. He should take it easier at work.

"Just going to wipe the table," Suguru's soft voice broke whatever had settled in the air, he turned and began wiping down the wood.

"Right, yeah," Satoru cleared his throat. He really needed to get this stupid crush under control, he couldn't let Suguru hate him any more than he likely already did, "I'm gonna head to bed early."

Suguru glanced up at him with those incredibly, stupidly captivating eyes, "Goodnight, Satoru." And that smile, oh, that smile. 

Satoru was done for.

Chapter Text

Satoru tried to distract himself from his little crush by working more. He'd long since given up on trying to make it go away; imagining Suguru making silly faces only made Satoru love him more. He had begun to think more deeply about Suguru. I mean, he thought about him, like, all the time anyway, but it was different now. He'd begun to appreciate the time he spent with Suguru more - not that he didn't before he realised he loved him - he noticed the little details about his face he hadn't before: how Suguru's cheeks had the faintest dimples when he smiled widely, how his hair draped so elegantly down his shoulders.

Satoru sighed, thumbing at his keyboard helplessly. He'd gotten lost in his thoughts again; it was actually becoming ridiculous. He took another sip of his coffee, scrolling through the many mission reports that needed to be written. Maybe thinking about Suguru in a romantic sense wasn't so bad...

No! No. These thoughts are the exact reason he needs to just do his work. Opening a new tab, Satoru gets to work writing the seventh report of the morning, with a seemingly endless list beckoning him to write, write, write.

-

Groaning into his arm, Satoru leans back into his chair. It was now 6 pm, and most of his co-workers had left already, with almost all of them giving him an inquisitive or even worried look before leaving. Like, he gets it, he doesn't actually work often, but they didn't have to look so surprised. Like, rude.

He'd stopped counting the reports he'd finished after the thirtieth. It was only now, as Satoru let his limbs grow limp that he realised the throbbing of his head - a migraine, fantastic. As he dragged himself up, a wave of nausea overcame him - when was the last time he'd eaten? - and he slumped down into his keyboard, most likely typing a never-ending string of letters on the report he'd almost completed.

Satoru took gasps of air as he willed himself to sit up, but his body wouldn't work. His vision became blurry as he squeezed his eyes shut and his hands dropped to his sides, hanging in the air. He was so gonna pass out.

He did just that.

-

It was merely ten minutes later when Nanami crouched beside Gojo's desk, shaking him gently. "I told you you'd overdo it if you didn't just..." Sighing in exasperation, Nanami took Gojo's phone from his desk, scrolling to the most recent contact and pressing the dial button.

"Satoru?" Came the drowsy reply, "You leaving work?"

"Geto, it's Nanami." He stood up, holding the phone to his ear using his shoulder while he collected Gojo's belongings and neatly placed them in his bag, "Gojo's fallen asleep at the office, I..." He debated telling Geto about Gojo's new habit of overworking himself. Gojo certainly wouldn't be happy with him but... Geto was his roommate and Nanami wanted someone to be looking after him at home, "I think he's been overworking himself lately - just, taking on too much."

He heard shuffling down the line, "That doesn't sound like him..." Geto trailed off, "I'll drive 'round now to pick him up. Thank you, Nanami."

"Of course, I'll leave him to rest until you arrive." Hanging up the phone, Nanami frowns at his friend (though, he would deny saying that if anybody - especially Gojo - asked), "What is going on with you?"

-

Geto walks through the doors as Nanami turns off the office light, "Wow, he's really asleep, huh?"

Nanami smiles at the two as Geto pokes at Gojo's cheek before hauling him up into his arms, bridal style. Chuckling to himself, Nanami leads Geto out of the main doors, opening the car door so Gojo can be placed into the passenger side. "Geto?"

"Hm?"

"I, uh, forgive me if this isn't my place but Gojo seems to be rather stressed at work... I was wondering if everything is alright at home? With you two and the kids?" Nanami shuffles his weight between his feet. He doesn't like prying into other people's business but he cares for Gojo - he's known him since they were both just teenagers.

"Ah, no, no you're alright." Geto begins quickly, "he seems alright when we're at home, and the kids have settled in nicely..." He hums in thought, "I truly don't know what's making him feel the need to work so much." Geto sighs and Nanami can literally hear the stress in his voice. "I just wish he would talk to me, y'know?"

When Geto smiles at him so gently, Nanami just frowns. Gojo and Geto and like two peas in a pod, he'd thought that Geto would be the first to know something, out of anyone, so Gojo not confiding in even him made Nanami worry. Stepping backwards so Geto could close the passenger side door, he placed his hand on the man's shoulder, "Don't worry. I'm sure he'll come around eventually." He smiles, hopefully encouragingly, "he used to work himself to the bone when he first started here - saying something about being 'the strongest'" 

Nanami chuckles nervously, patting Geto's shoulder before they both walked around to the driver's side, "If he's going to talk to anyone, it's going to be you. Don't worry too much about him, Gojo always bounces back."

Geto smiles, getting into his car, "Thank you Nanami. I'm glad you're always there at work for Satoru," he buckles his seatbelt, "Maybe we should have a drink sometime."

Nanami laughs, "Maybe so."

The car ride home is silent. No music. None of Satoru's wittering. Suguru had even tuned out the 6 pm traffic - even he doesn't know how he did that one. Yet, his thoughts were still as loud as ever. Why was Satoru burying himself in work? Why wasn't he telling Suguru if something was wrong? They told each other everything - hell, Satoru knew about him committing crimes on a daily basis but he couldn't even tell him what was worrying him.

Glancing over at the drooping head of white hair curled comfortably in the seat next to him, Suguru's thoughts settled. Just a little. Maybe Satoru would never tell him what was wrong, and Suguru would be upset, maybe even a little frustrated, but at the end of the day he would always do anything he could to help his best friend.

Turning on the radio, he skipped until he gave up trying to find a song he liked on any of the channels. Picking up the CD Satoru had burned for him a few years ago when he'd got his driver's license, he pushed it into the CD player. A familiar song came on and Suguru's grip on the steering wheel lessened.

Looking at his roommate once more, Suguru smiled to himself as he bobbed his head to the music.

-

Carrying Satoru up their apartment stairs was certainly a task. Suguru had only made it up three steps with Satoru wiggling in his arms before he awakes. And it's certainly not something Suguru expects, Satoru mumbles something under his breath as he curls closer to his chest, resting his head in the crook of Suguru's neck.

"Satoru!..." Suguru's cry dies out as quickly as it had begun when Satoru begins murmuring again. Was he so exhausted he wasn't even fully lucid right now? Shit, Suguru had talked to him about eating more when he'd first come home late, all dizzy and out of it. Suguru continues climbing the stairs, attempting to hear the hushed mumbles.

"Out today... Hmm... No. Prison..." He was whispering nonsense, though some of his words did worry Suguru. 'Prison'? What about prison? Oh no, Satoru wasn't planning on turning him in now was he!? They'd talked about this ages ago but... Maybe he'd changed his mind? Suguru shook his head, how could he be thinking so selfishly when Satoru was literally passed out in his arms from exhaustion?

Heaving Satoru over one shoulder, Suguru unlocked the apartment door, being given his usual warm welcome from the siblings.

"Woah! Suguru is strong carrying Satoru like that!" Tsumiki whispers in awe, tugging Megumi's sleeve in excitement. Suguru just chuckles at them, placing Satoru down on the couch and removing his sunglasses. Tsumiki rushes over, poking at Satoru's cheek as he lies spread out over the whole couch, "Is he okay?" She tilted her head to look over to Suguru.

"He's an idiot is what he is." Suguru sighed fondly.

"Hey! Bad word!" The siblings giggle to themselves as Suguru grumbles, pulling out some cash and handing it to them. In an instant they are gone from the couch and bounding over to the kitchen, placing the money in the boldly labelled 'swear jar'. Suguru feels Kuro nudging at his leg while Shiro licks at Satoru's face. Petting the fluffy beast, Suguru chuckles at Satoru's face twitching in annoyance - how he could be so expressive even in his sleep, Suguru doesn't know.

Soft. No, wet. Something is touching him and it's all... slobbery. Satoru sits upright in an instant, fighting off the drooling attacker, "Eh? Shiro! Bad dog! Bad dog!" Huh? Shiro? Why is Shiro in his office...

He was home. How did- "Satoru, you're awake!" Well, there's his answer. Suguru comes over from the kitchen holding a cup of coffee, it seems he... brought him home? But, why? Suguru swats at his legs until he moves them, sitting beside him and placing his mug on the coffee table, "We... Need to talk." Oh no. Why would they need to talk? Haha, Suguru couldn't know about his crush, right? Right...? Or, maybe he knows about his job. Oh, this was bad. He knows that Satoru has been lying to him this whole time and now he doesn't want to be friends with him anymore and he's ruining his chance at having a life with Suguru- Wait, a life with Suguru? What-

"Satoru?" Ah, he got lost in his thoughts again.

"Sorry, what did you want to talk about? And, uh, how did I get home?" Suguru's brow creases and Satoru's worried now, why was Suguru upset? Or concerned? Or... Shit when did he forget how to read Suguru's body language!?

"Satoru." Suguru's hand comes up his cheek and Satoru melts into the touch, "You're overthinking." Satoru frowns, was he? Thinking about it now, he does feel kind of... distant? Oh. Today was...

Today was the day Toji Fushiguro got out of prison to hand off parent ship to Satoru.. Normally, high-risk criminals, such as Toji, wouldn't ever be released before the end of their sentence, however, due to the very specific circumstances, he was an exception. With him being the only current legal guardian for Megumi and Tsumiki and his arrest being related to the secret police, he is allowed out - under high security - to revoke his guardianship over his children.

Surprisingly, Toji complied with the authorities when they had spoken to him about the police taking in his children, Satoru has a growing suspicion he might feel some type of remorse for how he treated his children. For how he abandoned them. Perhaps he felt guilty, or maybe even angry at himself for failing them. Eh, it wasn't Satoru's place to be deciding what Toji Fushiguro thought about his kids - all he knew was he needed Toji to stop being their legal guardian. He wouldn't let any more harm come to these kids. His kids.

"Satoru??" Once again, Satoru was pulled from his thoughts by Suguru's concerned expression. "You really need to eat something. I've told you about this before! You can't-" he softens his voice at Satoru's wince, "you can't keep forgetting to eat. I care about you, okay? You mean a lot to me and if you're going through something, you know you can talk to me, right?" Satoru wilts, now he feels exceptionally horrible. He'd made Suguru worried again.

He suspects Suguru is referencing an eating disorder somewhat related to depression or stress, and if that was the case, Satoru would tell Suguru. He had a history of seasonal depression so if Satoru was going through something like that, he knew Suguru would take care of him. But it wasn't that. It was the overwhelming dread that came with the anticipated arrival of Fushiguro - but it's not like he could tell that to Suguru.

"I know I can, I'm sorry... For spacing out and stuff - and not eating. Um, I really did mean to eat something, genuinely!" He smiles shakily, his body feeling slightly weak from the lack of lunch in his system, "It won't happen again, I promise. Let's order some takeout?"

Suguru watches him silently for a moment, looking him up and down, and Satoru feels weirdly put on the spot. Smiling at him, Suguru holds his hand out, allowing it to slip from his cheek (and Satoru - though he hates himself for it - misses the touch greatly). "Okay. But seriously, tell me if something is wrong." Taking his hand, Satoru stands, "Now, go get changed - your work clothes are filthy, Satoru."

Satoru lets out an undignified squawk, swatting Suguru's hand away and strolling to his room. At least that was over, now all he had to do was tell the kids about their father's visit and somehow keep Suguru away from the door and-

Knock.

The world actually hated him.

"Someone's at the door!" Megumi called out.

"I'll get it," was Suguru's muffled reply. Satoru came rushing out of his bedroom and down the corridor.

"Wait!" Satoru slid to a stop in front of Suguru, grabbing onto his shoulders before he could reach for the door handle, "I'll get it!" He chuckled awkwardly, becoming more nervous with every passing second as Suguru sent him a baffled look.

"Why are you so determined to open the door?"

"I-I'm not. You should just... Go relax! After taking me home today, won't you allow me to open the door and save you the chore?" Aha! Excellent excuse. Suguru sent him a blank stare. Okay, maybe not the best excuse but still, he was trying his best, okay?

"Go get changed, I'll get the door... You don't have to pay me back or anything..." Suguru looked utterly lost.

Knock. With more urgency this time. Fuck, fuck, fuck. "No, no, really I'll get the-"

"...Dad?" 

Satoru turned his head to the sound of Megumi's small voice and the... open door. The siblings stood in front of the ajar door that was quickly pushed open by an armed guard. Tsumiki pushed Megumi behind her, shielding him as she faced her father. "What... Why are you here?" Her voice wobbled despite the courage she forced into it. She trembled.

Satoru had never moved faster in his life. Nudging the siblings out of the way, he took up the whole of the doorframe, "Fushiguro."

The man looked at him and Satoru used all of his willpower to supress the shiver it sent down his spine. Toji Zenin, or, Toji Fushiguro now. Memories from the night flashed through his mind. He never did like to remember that mission. It had begun normally, Satoru had been confident, as usual, but he didn't know he would be overconfident that time. It was an ordinary drug bust of the infamous Zenin, something he had done hundreds, if not thousands, of times. Yet, once he got into the house, he came face to face with Fushiguro.

Fushiguro and his scarred arms, Fushiguro and his cold glare. Fushiguro and his blade. Satoru had been stabbed that day - fatally, through the chest. It was a miracle he had survived. In a stroke of luck, backup was right around the corner so Fushiguro only got two stabs into his thigh before he was tackled by armed forces.

That was the first time Satoru had feared for his life.

That was the first time he had thought up the possibility that he wasn't 'the strongest' officer they had. And if he wasn't the strongest, what could he ever possibly hope to be?

"Satoru." He cringed, Fushiguro smiled at him, although it wasn't full of malice as he expected, but rather a kind of warmth.

"That's Gojo." Satoru simply replied, feeling Suguru settle behind him, the familiar warmth bringing him the reassurance he needed.

"Ah, we're not close enough for that?" Fushiguro's tone was very different from that house. Calmer. More... Kind. Satoru was still uneasy, this was the man who had almost murdered him. Yet, his eyes were clearer now. Maybe it's because he couldn't be on drugs anymore, or maybe it's because he's changed. Satoru would like to think he has. For his kids' sake.

"No, we're not." Satoru glanced behind him at Suguru's bewildered expression and gave a wince as an apology. He hadn't expected this horrific timing - he was planning on keeping Suguru away from the door at all costs when Fushiguro got here. There were lots of things that could go wrong; Satoru's job could be exposed, Suguru could hate him for lying about the kids' father, and, most importantly, Fushiguro may refuse to revoke his parent ship and Satoru wouldn't be able to pressure him using his status.

This was a whole new level of inconvenience.

Satoru turned to one of the guards, "Do you have the form?" He kept his eyes on Fushiguro, though. As the man pulled out a folder, Satoru felt hands on his legs. Looking down, he was met with Megumi and Tsumiki's worried and confused expressions, he smiled softly to them, hoping to bring some sort of comfort in the face of the man who was supposed to be the one who loved and nurtured them but had abandoned them instead.

Rapidly signing the form, Satoru eagerly awaits Fushiguro signing his part. Once this was signed, and once the kids were asked if they liked living with Satoru and Suguru, everything would be okay. That feeling didn't last as Fushiguro's handcuffs were removed. "Hey, uh, can't he hold a pen with them on?"

Panic flared in his chest as one guard shook her head. Suguru stiffened behind him, likely concerned at the alarm creeping into his voice. A hand was placed on his shoulder and Satoru turned to see Suguru's stoic face, staring straight ahead. At Fushiguro. He squeezed his hand and let his eyes flick to Satoru's to give him a soft smile. Even with Suguru not knowing what the hell was going on, he was ready to protect Satoru. Oh, he was so in love with this man. 

Satoru shook his head. Now was not the time to be drooling over Suguru. He watched intently, his finger twitching in the direction of his holster hidden under his shirt, on his belt. Fushiguro signed it without complaint. He looked Satoru up and down, Looked Suguru in the eye, and glanced at his children.

He held his arms out as the cuffs were put back on, "Can't believe we're here of all places, huh? You looking after my kids, I would have thought you wouldn't want anything to do with them after-" Satoru's eyes harden. Fushiguro takes him in for a moment, gaze flicking over to Suguru with a smirk on his face. He could so easily tell Suguru about his job, shit.

"-my imprisonment. Really, it's kind of you, Gojo." What? Why wouldn't he tell Suguru about his undercover job - he had the perfect opportunity, it wasn't like Satoru could stop him... "Thank you." Satoru stills, his train of thought reeling to a halt.

He looks into Fushiguro's eyes and all he sees is warmth. This is the man who almost killed him. This is the man who neglected and abandoned his children. Yet, his eyes showed a new person entirely. A guard cuts in, "Now, we just need written consent from the children." He looks at Satoru and he shakes himself out of his stupor, "Of course."

He shuffles backward, the children clinging to his legs letting go. Crouching down, he's faced with worry and fear and confusion. He wishes he could just hug them and never let go. Suguru seems to share the sentient as he hovers protectively over the huddle that is Satoru and the kids. "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you two about this - I lost track of time but..." He sighs, get to the point, there's no reason to force the kids to be around their father any longer than strictly necessary, "You just need to tick a box, okay?"

Two pairs of dark eyes look to him and he feels like he's holding the world in his hands. Tsumiki nods slowly, trusting him. Trusting Satoru who she'd only met a few months ago. She grabs Megumi's hand and the two share a look. Megumi looks apprehensive and Satoru never wishes to see such an emotion on his small face ever again. Their father studies them from the hallway, watching carefully as an officer explains what they are signing and which two boxes they can tick. 

Satoru stands, finally turning to face Suguru at the urgent nudge of his shoulder. "What the actual fuck is going on?" Is the hushed whisper he really should've expected.

Satoru winces still, turning slightly to keep one eye on his kids, "I'll explain later."

"Satoru-" He's cut off by the leading officer clearing his voice, "Alright, Mr. Satoru Gojo, with the signed consent of all parties involved, you now have full guardianship of Megumi and Tsumiki Fushiguro, with the second parental role filled by Suguru Geto." Satoru heaves a sigh of relief. There was a tiny voice in the back of his mind telling him the kids wouldn't want to keep living with them. He's eternally grateful the voice was wrong.

As the guards begin turning to leave, Fushiguro stays still. "Megumi, Tsumiki."

Satoru was on guard, stepping closer to the children so he could shield their ears if necessary. "I'm sorry, I know I wasn't there but I'm glad you've got someone looking out for you since I... couldn't," seeing the man who had so viciously stabbed him speaking so softly to his children wasn't something on his list of plans for today, but here it was, happening, "You look better without me. Healthier." Fushiguro looks to Satoru and Suguru, "Thank you."

Tsumiki's lip wobbles as she stands in front of her father, Megumi standing stock-still. "Dad's sorry, okay? Always remember that." Tsumiki begins tearing up as she launches forward to hug her father. Silence. Fushiguro stands frozen for a moment before he brings his arms down to hug her as best he can with the handcuffs.

"Goodbye daddy." He wipes the tears from his little girl's face as he stands again, turning to walk to the elevator, "Goodbye Tsumiki, goodbye Megumi. Live a good life, okay? Don't you end up like me."

Megumi sniffles quietly, "...Bye," under his breath, he adds, "...Dad."

Fushiguro is already in the elevator when Megumi screams, "Don't come back! Ever!" His boy stands tall, squeezing his eyes shut as he yells.

Satoru loves his kids.

-

Settling onto the couch after Suguru ushered away the kids, Satoru knew he was in for one long explanation. They had both taken a moment to check on the siblings, with both of them insisting they were fine and glad to be living with them. Satoru finished placing the order for pizza and closed his eyes for a moment. Time to lie his ass off.

"You implied their parents were dead, Satoru."

"Yeah, implied."

"Well that implied statement didn't warm me of the possibility their father was, I don't know, a felon? Did you see those kids when we first got them? That state they were in? Satoru, you said knew their father. Why the hell do you know someone like that?" Suguru was seething, his face red and arms flailing as he spoke.

Breathe Satoru, this explanation is the only thing he's thought about all day. "Suguru, calm down. The only reason I know their dad is through a friend - who I don't even speak to anymore!" He paused for a moment to take in Suguru's reaction, he seemed to be a little calmer now, this was good. "He went to prison for attacking a civilian while under the influence of various substances," Satoru didn't mention he was said civilian, "he's got a life sentence, okay? They linked him to a bunch of other crimes."

Suguru took a breath, "Can you promise me something?"

Satoru, although puzzled, looked up, "Uh, why-"

"Can you promise me something?" It was more so a statement than it was a question.

"Yeah, sure, what is it?"

"Promise me you'll never go near that man again - or that friend who you knew him through."

"Yeah, promise, sure." Satoru was kind of lost as Suguru's sudden... Possession over him. But hey, he wasn't complaining. "Plus, you saw the guy, he's calmer now, I think his behaviour towards the guy he stabbed and his kids was mostly 'cause of the drugs. Now he's off them he seemed like a different person, really."

"We're never letting him near Megs or 'Miki again." Suguru's tone was final. They shared a moment, gazing into each other's eyes.

"Never." Satoru agreed.

"Stop flirting." Okay, he was actually so close to going to an adoption centre.

"F-flirting!?" Satoru let out a chuckle, his face turning beat red, "Megumi we were not flirting!"

Suguru, not fairing any better, let out a light laugh at Megumi and Tsumiki's mischievous faces, "Alright, how about we put a movie on, hm?"

"Movie night!" The siblings shouted in unison, diving onto the couch.

And with his family crushing him, a Disney movie loading on the screen, and a hot pizza on the way, Satoru thinks things are going to be okay.

Chapter Text

Things were getting better. Satoru no longer had to stress about Toji showing up, he was getting better at balancing his work to life ratio and having the siblings in the apartment just felt normal now. 

The Fushiguro's presence felt as though they had always been here - like Satoru and Suguru had been their guardians since they were born. Coming home from work to cheery smiles and hurried footsteps at his arrival or contagious giggles and frustrated huffs at maths homework, he was beginning to feel more like a father than just their guardian. Like Megumi and Tsumiki were his kids.

A dopey smile forms on his face as he kicks the punching bag harder. He was given orders to focus on hand-to-hand combat more, the higher ups saying he 'relied on his weapons too much'. How is it his fault he's an excellent shot?

"Hands! Proper formation Gojo!" An instructor calls from the side, Satoru brings his arms higher up, honestly, these trainers could be so picky. Plus, it's not like he wouldn't have proper formation when in an actual fight, this shitty training was just so boring he couldn't help thinking about going home, though, he supposes he should be a bit kinder; it's not like the instructor has seen him actually fight before.

Seriously though, it had to have been at least an hour of continuous punches and kicks and knees and elbows. Was he anywhere close to being done?

-

Satoru left the studio aching and sore, he hadn't trained that hard since before he switched to office work. Maybe he did need to work on his hand-to-hand combat...

"Haven't seen you hit that hard in a while," he could hear the smile in her voice.

"I guess I'm just in a good mood," he turns to face Shoko who, of course, has a cigarette perched between her lips, "Why were you watching me, huh? Didn't I look totally hot just now?" He made a show of flexing his biceps.

"First of all, ew." Satoru gasps exaggeratedly, "Secondly, I'm sure you've already got your hands full." Shoko blows a puff of smoke his direction and turns to walk into her office.

Hands full? What? Satoru was pretty sure he wasn't seeing someone... "Shoko!"

He barges into her office, allowing the door to bang against the wall (for effect) before he joins her curled up on the windowsill, "What do you mean I have my hands full?" She looks him up and down and just smirks. She smirks at him. "I see how it is. If you don't want to tell me, I guess I'll just have to tell Utahime abo-"

"You wouldn't dare." Her eyes glint dangerously. Satoru takes this as a challenge.

"I wouldn't?"

Safe to say he got kicked out of her office with a handful of threats thrown at him.

Shoko can be so cruel sometimes. Now he doesn't know what she meant and he'll have to buy her at least two packs of cigarettes to get her to talk to him again. Ugh.

Grabbing his bag from his desk, he begins his walk to the stairs, he can buy Shoko her cigarettes on his way home. Then he can get changed out of his sweaty clothes and spend some quality time playing video games.

He thinks about Suguru on his walk home. Well, he thinks about Suguru a lot of the time, but that's not the point. Today is specifically meaningful. Suguru joined him in bed last night. Wait, no, that sounds very different to what he meant. Suguru slept with him last night. That's... worse.

…Suguru slept next to him last night. Yeah, that's more accurate. He laughs openly at himself as he begs his mind to shut up. Anyway, cutting that train of thought off immediately, Satoru was thinking of that moment because it... Well, it worried him. Suguru used to sleep in his bed around summer time when his medication wasn't enough. It was a tell-tale sign that his seasonal depression was back. And Satoru had helped Suguru through his depression year after year.

Yet, something feels different this time. Satoru peers up into the clouds, with summer just around the corner it was light when he left work now. The sight of the clouds and glowing sun always left an uncomfortable feeling in his chest around this time of year. He felt as though he wasn't doing enough for Suguru, despite his medication being the main thing that's supposed to help him. This year he felt especially hopeless.

Satoru isn't stupid. He knows something is wrong with Suguru - something more than his depression. And he can't help. Every time he's tried to do something to get Suguru to open up he'd either ruined it with his stupid feelings that should not be around during a time like that, or, Suguru has brushed him off completely. He doesn't know what to do. And that terrifies him.

All he had done since he was a child was try to help other people. If he couldn't even help his best friend...

Ah, he hated these thoughts. There was nothing about himself he disliked more than his ability to think. 

Rounding the corner to his block of apartments, he let out a sigh of relief. He would change and say hi to the kids and play some video games and... Everything would work out. When Suguru got home, he would shove his horribly timed feelings into the back of his mind, and make sure he found a way to help Suguru this time. He had to. Suguru had never been this bad before - not for all the years Satoru has known him.

If he can comfort him in only the tiniest of ways, he'll take it as a win.

-

Satoru sits on the kitchen counter, the clock ticking as he watched it through half-lidded eyes. One A.M.

Then two A.M.

Suguru hadn't come home.

He hadn't expected his depression to hit this hard. He hadn't expected himself to not be able to cope with it.

So he takes up more jobs. More work to drown out the feeling. His clients at the tattoo shop say he looks tired, his boss says he looks exhausted. They ask if he's getting enough sleep. He tells them yes.

Satoru says he looks tired - says he's always there if he needs anything. Satoru can't know how bad he is. He can't let him bear the burden that is Suguru Geto. That is for him alone to suffer with. That is for him to sink and drown in. That's what he's always done. Sink and fall and descend into the disgustingly comforting feeling of his depression. And each and every time Satoru pulls him out of it. Yet, this time feels different.

He needs a break. He needs to stop killing. He has to. It's killing him. 

But if he stops, what will distract him? Suguru knows he's becoming more violent and he knows that it's slowly killing him. But he can't stop. If he stops he will wilt until nothing is left of him. Killing is the only thing keeping him sane. He had stopped taking his medication days ago, maybe weeks. He didn't really keep track of time anymore. Whenever he wasn't doing a job he felt the guilt clawing it's way inside his chest, curling into the cavity, growing into something violent, something vile, until he couldn't breathe.

Murder was killing him, yet it was the only thing keeping him alive.

What a cruel curse to be captured in.

-

Body after body. Thud after thud. Gender didn't matter when you were dead. Age didn't matter when you were dead. Nothing mattered when you died. Suguru stood amongst the catastrophe he had caused - his head heavy on his shoulders and hands aching. One to the left of him, one to the right, many in front.

Suguru took on the gang one by one. Swiping his foot out, he sent one sprawling into the other. They were young - maybe 16 or 17. Yet, it didn't matter. His skin itched. He needed blood, he needed his head to stop pounding. Suguru needed to stop thinking.

"What is your problem!?" They were screeching at him. Suguru blanked out their words, moving forward to punch some more.

"Man, this guy is on a completely different level! Do you think he's the one they're calling The Curse?" Now that was new. Suguru paused, his foot hovering over a crumpled figure on the floor long enough for them to scramble away. A curse? He was a... curse?

Suguru froze. They were calling him a curse. A creature. A vile thing whose only purpose was to kill.

No. No, that wasn't true.

"The Curse?" Suguru lifted his head up to look at the cowering group ahead of him, standing among their fallen friends, "What do you mean curse?" He stepped forward. He wasn't a curse. He only wanted to provide for his family. Thar's why he took up these jobs. He only wanted to help. He... only wanted to help?

That wasn't right.

"P-people have been calling a talented hitman-type criminal 'The Curse' due to their skills in the battlefield. We, um," They gulped in a breath of fresh air, "We thought that was you. Your skills are admirable." No, he wasn't a curse, was he? His breathing quickened as he looked around him. Bodies.

He began laughing. He had killed all of these people. Every single one of thee people had their own lives, their own friends and families. Yes, they were in a gang, but could Suguru blame them for what they did in life? Look at him. Laughing as stinging tears roll down his porcelain skin, blurring the view of the damage he created.

He was a curse, wasn't he? He murdered people to... make his feelings go away. He murdered people to make his feelings go away. Tears ran down his face in streams. His heart felt heavy.

He was a murderer. Well, he knew that already but this... This was another level. Dozens of beaten and bruised bodies lay lifeless around him, forming a sick kind of audience to his wrong doings. All of his victims were with him - haunting him - every time he took a life. Suguru collapsed to his knees and buried his face in his hands.

He remembered when he first started doing this, he promised to never kill a soul, to never take another's life. Now look at him; he was surrounded by the lives he had taken, the lives he had ripped untimely from each and every person laying on this floor. 

Suguru clawed at his face. Digging his nails into skin, squeezing his eyes shut. His bare knees were painful against the gravel, his head hadn't stopped pounding (he couldn't remember the last time it wasn't), his tears were acid on his shaking hands.

What had he become?

His first thought is of Satoru as he cradles his head in his hands, sweaty locks clumping together as they hung in the air like strung up Christmas lights. He remembered Christmas with Satoru and the kids. The first holiday with the siblings, actually. (How much sorrow will fill the hearts of these people's families - these people's children - when they hear how Suguru murdered them?) He remembers setting up the Christmas tree and wrestling with the dogs as they fought the PVC. 

Oh, the dogs. He felt the air cool as time passed and passed. (How long had it been?) Kuro and Shiro had settled in as well as the Fushiguro siblings had - if not even better. At first, when Satoru and him had found them lurking around the complex, they were hesitant, but seeing the joy on Megumi's face had seemed to convince them. (How many family pets will sit waiting for their owners to return unknowing of their demise?)

His tounge feels dry and slow in his mouth as he gasps for air. It doesn't taste of blood anymore. That's strange, he hadn't cleaned up yet... had he? (How many houses will have dishes in the sink, never to be cleaned, or floors dusted in memories that will never be mopped or swept, only left to accumulate a thick layer of grime - no longer from memories of a loving home?) He couldn't feel his hands where they dug into his skull anymore. He knew he couldn't be human anymore but was he even real? (How many of his victims will be identified by their bone structure or teeth as a result of their faces being so brutally mutilated by his hands?)

Suguru couldn't. He couldn't cope. He couldn't live like this. He was a curse.

Soon enough he would surely curse Satoru and Megumi and Tsumiki and Kuro and Shiro and Shoko and everyone he knew. And he would ruin their lives and drain away their happiness in punishment for his crimes. Just as he had taken the lives of all the now cold bodies laying on the gravel floor - the last faint sparks of body heat drifting away from their unmoving anatomy - he would take away the lives of his loved ones. Only they would suffer a long life in the hell Suguru will inevitably drag them into; they will be unable to escape through the bittersweet relief of death.

Suguru gasps out of a breath, almost a reminder to his body that he was still alive among the sea of corpses.

He pushed himself up on shaking arms, vomiting at the sight of muddy red gravel beside him as he lifted his head. Wiping his mouth, he rose to his knees, he had no right to be disgusted by his own actions - he had created this sickening image, now he had to clean it.

-

Suguru stood on shaky limbs as he limped away from the massacre, closing his eyes and sniffing the cool night air. He had enough stability in his thoughts to clean up his clothes a little and remove any of his fingerprints or DNA that had gotten on any of the corpses.

How could he go home after that? In what world could he face those two sweet, smiling children and adoring roommate with the knowledge of what he had done? Suguru hovered in that neighbourhood for some time, watching clouds and letting the chilling air ruffle his jacket as he slowly convinced himself to go home. Nobody would know what he had done - he could carry this burdenous act himself for the rest of eternity. And even if Satoru somehow found out, the people he... killed (he specifically avoided the word 'murdered' or 'mutilated' or 'slaughtered' or-) they were gang members. They had done some terrible things - Suguru could list them off (he had memorised every crime each person had committed, hoping to relieve himself of some guilt).

They weren't innocent. Suguru wouldn't kill innocent people. He wasn't heartless. (Was he?)

Before he could realise it, Suguru stood in front of his apartment door. Inside were his sleeping family, uncaring and at ease, while he stood in the dimly lit hallway, still smeared in blood. He pulled out his phone to check the time, to check if Satoru would still be awake and see him like this. He had over twenty new messages and eighteen missed calls. Covering his and Satoru's smiling faces, his lock screen read 4:26 A.M.

The last message from Satoru was sent at 2.57, it read 'i'll stay up as long as i can. hope you're okay'.

Satoru had waited for him. Suguru was out there killing people and Satoru was sitting awake hoping he was okay. If he had any tears left to cry, he was sure one would have rolled down his cheek. He unlocked the door quietly, taking his shoes and jacket off mindlessly. He crept into the bathroom, taking his hoodie and socks off and washing his hands. He splashed his face with water, watching it dance around the skin, turning bright red to fleshy pink to a milky white. He looked in the mirror and couldn't recognise the person staring back at him.

He left the bathroom, mind spiralling as it had been all night, when he noticed Satoru's bedroom door open. He stumbled through the dark hallway, "Satoru?"

He peered through the crack in the door to see Satoru asleep in his bed, phone cradled in his hands. He really had stayed up as long as he could... for Suguru. He walked inside, carefully slipping Satoru's phone from his limp hands. Thumbing at the home button, Satoru's phone came to life, on the screen were his text messages to Suguru, all the exact same as on Suguru's own phone. Except for one message that was only drafted: 'please be okay'.

Suguru felt his heart wilting. Shrivelling up at the anger and disgust he felt towards himself. He was a bad friend. He was a bad person.

Suguru stared at Satoru's peaceful face and allowed himself a moment of tranquillity. What he did today will never stop haunting him, but his family was safe and cared for. The money he got from that job would allow Satoru more days off to spend with the kids. If the price of his family's happiness was his own wellbeing he would take it. In a heartbeat, he would ruin himself for his family. Though, thinking about it, he already was destroying himself for that, wasn't he?

Pushing the omnipresent memories as far back into his mind as possible, Suguru collapsed next to Satoru. He pulled him close, feeling Satoru's body relax into his hold. He knew this was selfish; his bloodstained fingertips shouldn't be touching Satoru's moonlit skin. But for one moment, Suguru would like to be selfish.

Chapter Text

Satoru awakes warm. His room was normally chilly on a morning - a result of him leaving his window open at night - but today was different. As he stretched out his slow-moving limbs, he felt hands around his waist. That will be why he was warm then.

"S'guru?" He mumbled into the cosy atmosphere, his voice quiet as he clung to the last few remnants of sleep. He shuffled around in his bed slightly, Suguru's limp arm falling from it's spot on his waist and Satoru surprisingly didn't hate how much he missed the touch. "Suguruuu?"

Satoru finally rolled over, only to be met with a wetness covering his sheets. His eyes shot open to be met with a horrifying sight. Suguru lay in his bed, limp and drenched in blood; his hair slayed out on the pillow - the red forming some sick kind of halo. Satoru shot upright, "Suguru!" He shook his best friend desperately, watching as his baby blue sheets shuffled with the movement, the gentle colour replaced with something brighter and harsher and violent.

Satoru was about to feel for a pulse on Suguru's neck before he heard a groan. "Suguru! Are you awake?" His voice was uneven, hoarse. Suguru's eyes fluttered open, meeting Satoru's wide-open ones. A small smile grew from Suguru's lips, crinkling his eyes slightly before he seemed to become aware of his surroundings.

"Satoru!" He shot up, Satoru's hand on his chest likely being the only thing keeping him from flying off the bed entirely, he looked down at the blood soaked sheets and clothes and winced. "I... Uh..."

"Don't move so quickly!" Suguru was going to give him a heart attack one day, honestly, "Why are you so bloody? Why didn't you wake me up? Suguru you're- you're dripping with blood!" Satoru scrambled to stand from the bed and rushed over to kneel in front of Suguru, his eyes rapidly assessing any visible injuries.

"Satoru! I'm fine I-"

"Don't!" Suguru winced and Satoru sent an apologetic look toward him before his face hardened again, "Don't say that. You're covered in blood. Don't you dare say you're fine." He closed his eyes for a moment before he opened them and started at Suguru's arms. His feather-light touch brushed over the bruises on his knuckles and the dried speckles of blood on his forearms, travelling upwards.

"...Sorry," Suguru sighed, he didn't know what was more shameful - admitting the blood wasn't his or lying that it was. He opted for telling the truth, he'd lied to Satoru enough, "I am fine though it's... The blood it, uh, it isn't mine..." Satoru's hands paused, Suguru said the final part so quietly he wasn't sure it had even been spoken at all but he knew. When he met those purple eyes swirling with guilt, he knew.

Satoru looked away and he felt Suguru's hands begin to shake. Satoru inhaled, clearing his mind. He exhaled, this was a conversation for later. He needed to get Suguru cleaned up. Satoru continued the roaming of his hands, assessing Suguru's injuries (which were all thankfully cleaned and healing) and Suguru let him. He sat there complacent on the blood-red bedding. "Come on, you need a shower."

"I'm sorry Satoru. About your bed, about what I've done I-" Suguru's hands only seemed to shake more as he stood with Satoru's guidance.

"It's okay. We don't need to talk about it right now," He glanced to his right to see Suguru already looking at him. "Just take a shower, okay? Don't worry about my sheets, I can change them." Despite his attempt to lighten the mood, Suguru only seemed to sulk further into himself.

Reaching the bathroom door, Suguru grasped the handle and stumbled inside, "I'm sorry." Satoru wanted to bring him comfort, but he was sure Suguru was talking about the cause of the blood speckling his skin and Satoru couldn't pardon him of that guilt. He offered a soft smile, watching the recognition light up in his roommate's eyes. The bathroom door was closed quickly after that. 

"I'll leave some clean clothes out here for you." Satoru waited for the mumbled thanks before starting the walk to his bedroom.

-

After wrestling the bed sheets off his bed and into the washing machine, feeding the dogs and settling down on the couch with his morning coffee, Satoru allowed himself time to think. He had left Suguru some pyjamas from his closet to wear. Some clean clothes. There was just so much blood. Suguru had to have killed someone to be covered like that - hell he must have killed many people for that amount. Satoru couldn't ignore this anymore - he knew Suguru had been getting more work, and with the tiredness that hung around him and the bruises and shitty excuses, he could guess it wasn't work from his tattoo parlour.

Well, the laughable amount of blood on him could confirm that now he supposed. Satoru sipped on his coffee (disgustingly sweet, just as he liked it) before giving into the urge. He needed to check Suguru's room. He knew there was his normal phone and his 'work' phone that got all the messages for his night time job, he just needed to find it.

Finishing his coffee in one gulp, Satoru shuffled around the dogs, whispering an amused apology at their whining. Placing his empty mug into the kitchen sink, Satoru creeped down the hallway, the shower was still on so that was a good sign. It was early in the morning too so he didn't have to worry about getting the kids up for school yet, to be honest, he didn't know why he had woken up so early.

He was normally the type of person you had to drag out of bed to get up - maybe his subconscious knew something was wrong. Hey, maybe he and Suguru are soulmates!

Yeah, he should probably focus now.

Walking into Suguru's room is an unusual experience - not because he hasn't been in there before, they used to alternate spending time playing games and watching movies in each other's rooms before the kids. Instead it's because of the state his room is in. Dirty dishes are stacked all over his carpet, just waiting to topple over, his closet is open, with most of his clothes strewn around on the floor below it like some kind of avalanche had occurred. His sheets were the same ones from three weeks ago and, really, Satoru could go on.

He was getting bad, wasn't he? Well, Satoru knew that but he hadn't realised how bad he actually was. This is probably the worst Suguru has been... ever. Fuck, and he hadn't even truly noticed? Fuck.

No. He couldn't get distracted right now. He only had a certain amount of time before Suguru was out of the shower and he needed to find his phone before then.

With a new sense of urgency, Satoru started at Suguru's desk looking inside the drawer, feeling for a false bottom and feeling behind it. Nothing. He glanced to Suguru's alarm clock, 6:34. He felt around Suguru's bed frame, inside the sheets. Nothing. 6:42. Time was running out. The shower was still running, but likely not for long. Satoru checked the closet, his bedside drawers, the windowsill, the lamps - seemingly everything - and still, nothing.

His eyes darted around the room. 6:58. Wait. He rushed over to Suguru's bedside drawer, to the alarm clock, as he heard the shower stop.

Turning the clock over, he saw the screws holding it together were loose. Twisting them off with his fingers, he opened the clock and there it was amidst the taped-together wires to create space for it. The phone. Suguru would take a few minutes to get dry and dressed so Satoru still had some time. He pulled his own phone out of his pocket and took pictures of the many text messages on the screen so he could look at them when he wasn't in an incriminatory position in Suguru's room. He had just screwed the back of the clock on when he heard Suguru call his name.

Shoving his phone into his pocket, Satoru hurried into his room just as Suguru walked down the hallway. Catching his breath for a moment, Satoru opened his bedroom door, "Here!"

"Hey." Suguru is clean, not one trace of the fucking massacre he probably went on left.

"Hey," Satoru lets out a breathy sigh, hoping he comes off as casual while his mind races. The amount of times he saw the word 'kill' or variations of it was genuinely concerning. He needed to check those photos like right now, "I've gotta get the kids up soon so I'm gonna brush my teeth and stuff now, okay? We can talk soon."

Suguru looked relieved up until Satoru added the part about them talking. Well, he was going to have to deal with it - they were talking there was no way around that. Satoru needed to get in touch with Suguru's therapist too, even without the whole murder thing, he obviously needed help. The only thing he was worried about was how Suguru couldn't tell his therapist about how much of a toll his other job had on his mental health - that was why Satoru was going to try get Suguru to open up to him.

Shutting his bedroom door after smiling apologetically at Suguru, Satoru collapsed onto his bed. He knew he had to but he didn't want to open those pictures. Ah, it's best to just bite the bullet. Pulling his phone out, Satoru opened his gallery.

There they were: around twenty photos - the only ones he had been able to take before Suguru would have caught him. The adrenaline that had been rushing through his veins had slowed, and the reality of what he would likely see was setting in.

Maybe he could just live in blissful ignorance.

He shut that thought down immediately. He was a police officer, and he had a job to do - a duty to serve and protect the people living among him. But, most importantly, he couldn't let Suguru keep destroying himself like this. Whatever was on that phone was rapidly ruining Suguru, and he would be heartless to not do something (even if it meant breaching his privacy and lying to his face, but what was new? Satoru was a cop for God's sake, he had to be deceiving - as much as he didn't want to be).

Shaking himself out of his stupor, he clicked on the first image. This one was old, from about two months ago and was a request for a simple threat on a guy who did a hit and run - this was looking good so far! No sign of murder or excessive violence... Yeah, he definitely spoke too soon. Swiping to the second photo, his phone shows a request from just under a month ago for an 'assassination' as the message put it. Satoru's eyes skimmed over the wordy message.

...Improving lately... Kill...

...Want her to be dead by...

...No chance of living...

...Assassinate... Do well...

This request was the first (of many) to... compliment Suguru's abilities. It irked Satoru. It seemed Suguru had been gradually becoming more vicious and it wasn't a rapid change. He wonders what the hell he was doing to not care enough to say something. He noticed, of course, he noticed Suguru's demeanour changing, the massive increase in time at work. How couldn't he? Satoru stares at his phone. 'You seem to be improving lately', the person requesting this must be some kind of work 'supplier' for Suguru with how they're talking. Fuck. Fuck.

Suguru had someone giving him work to do, and every message he read from them was violent. So much murder (he didn't know if Suguru's simple response of 'Done.' on each message was worse or not). God, how could Satoru even say he loved Suguru when he couldn't stop this? How could he ever dream of being with Suguru if he isn't doing anything to secure that future? Fuck, to even make sure Suguru lives long enough to consider his feelings?

Anger swirls in his gut, demanding and fierce. And in the time of Suguru's greatest need, he was still thinking about himself. And his stupid feelings. Suguru deserved better - he needed someone who noticed and acted when he deteriorated, someone who helped him for the sake of helping him, not something selfish like the promise of a future that will never even come to fruition.

Groaning, Satoru slaps his hand over his eyes and collapses backwards to lay on his bed. Here he was, wallowing in anger towards himself instead of trying to understand how to help Suguru. He needed to get his shit together. Looking over at his clock, he had around twenty minutes to get ready for work before he had to get the kids up. He should finish reading and do some more research at work about what he finds out.

Sitting back up, Satoru swipes to the final two images. The first is a request for a hit on a gang from yesterday. It doesn't seem too bad, Suguru was only sent to rough up a handful of members as some sort of lesson. It was a nice change of pace from the incredibly inhumane requests he had been reading. The final image was a very informally worded message, it was from the same user who requested the gang hit:

'U really went harsh on them, huh? Not a bad thing tho!! It was brutal tho man, i mean i only wanted u 2 rough them up, not slaughter half of them but, hey, that works 2! Plus ur super cool nickname is set in stone now so thats pretty rad. The Curse™ haha. Wish i had a name like that. Anyway, thanks man, i will 4 sure be asking you for more work in the future lol.'

Satoru sat in silence, his phone slipping from his hands to his bed sheets. 'Slaughtered'? 'Brutal'? 'The Curse'? Suguru had apparently fucking massacred these people when he was only supposed to give them a warning. And 'The Curse'? He had a recognisable name now? Fuck, Satoru was going to be sick. He hated this. Suguru was essentially going insane in front of his eyes and he just didn't know what to do. How could he even confront him about this?

This was obviously affecting Suguru - he literally fell asleep next to Satoru with his clothes still blood-stained - he wouldn't want Satoru to know of the jobs he was taking on, the Suguru he knew wouldn't (though, did he even know him anymore?).

Satoru took a deep breath, he needed to focus on helping Suguru, he couldn't let these types of thoughts get to him.

He was going to go to the office, research all the jobs he had information on and then talk to Suguru about it after he knew the extent of his work.

Satoru wishes he could just talk to Suguru now - let him know that he's here - but with his fragile state of mind, that probably isn't the best idea right now. Okay. He would do research then figure out the best way to help Suguru. And then they would talk after work, well, after Satoru got home from work, he was going to force Suguru to stay home today, no matter what (he just hoped he would listen to him).

-

Fighting Suguru to stay off work was as difficult as he had expected. For a guy who was basically falling asleep standing he put up a lot of fight, eventually though Suguru had promised to stay home.

Grabbing his cup of coffee from the counter - which Shoko had so graciously dubbed a 'heart attack waiting to happen' - Satoru made his way over to his desk. He didn't have any active duty until this afternoon so he had a lot of time to spend his morning researching. Sipping on his drink, Satoru opened an incognito tab. It was now that he was ever so grateful for his cubicle being in an isolated corner.

Preparing himself mentally, Satoru began typing into the search bar anything related to The Curse. He opened more tabs as he put in the information for the jobs Suguru had completed in the past few months. The articles seemed to match up with the information given from Suguru's burner phone. Around three months ago Suguru had begun his violence uptake in the jobs he chose. From threatening someone to bashing someone's head in was a rather drastic shift.

Satoru rubbed at the crease between his brows as he stared at the open tabs. A common feature was seen at every crime scene related to The Curse, Suguru had begun leaving some sort of apology. He would close the eyes of the dead or lay their hands over their chests. It was almost as if he lost control and then came to his senses apologetic and remorseful.

Satoru almost wishes Suguru was a heartless killer; it would be so much easier to help him with therapy and some kind of psychological test. But with the knowledge that Suguru switched from ruthless to guilt-ridden, it was going to be a lot more difficult. Suguru knew what he was doing; it was almost like he just didn't know how to stop.

A part of him was concerned for the health of the kids at home with Suguru - he could shift rapidly, it seemed. And a larger part of him hated himself for ever thinking of that possibility.

"Gojo?" A curious voice floated from over his shoulder.

Satoru shot up, turning around like he'd been hit, to see Nanami standing there, staring at his monitor. He whipped back around to close the tabs, ending up on his home screen (an image of him, Suguru, the kids, and the dogs), which had brought him comfort during long office days (though now he wasn't so sure... He felt as though his family was falling apart). "Nanami! Hey, what do you need?" He asked super casually and normally.

Nanami is quiet for a moment, looking at the image of the happy family on the screen before ripping his eyes away, "I was just going to ask if you would like your coffee refilled. It's my turn to ask around today."

Satoru looked down to his coffee cup to find it empty, various rings of overspill scattered over the wooden desk. "Uh, yeah, that'd be great, thank you," Satoru handed his mug to Nanami who hovered awkwardly, still looking at Satoru's home screen. Satoru shuffled clumsily, gaining Nanami's attention as his eyes flicked to Satoru's own.

Nanami's glint with something Satoru can't place as he straightens up, readjusting his hold on the three mugs he has in his hands. "Be careful." Nanami looks odd, almost worried. It's not an emotion Satoru sees on him often.

satoru fixes him a look of confusion. A kind of alarm sparks in Nanami's eyes.

"Someone might see the weird shit you're searching for and get you fired or something... Not that I would mind." Satoru gives a huff of annoyance as Nanami hurries away. The dickhead looked alarmed at the idea of being kind to Satoru - at the idea of warning him someone else might've thought he was a psychopath.

Though, Satoru can't shake the feeling that those words had an... alternate meaning.

Suguru can't believe he let himself be convinced by Satoru. He should be out there working, getting money to support the kids. He almost had as much money as he wanted in his savings account to have a break for the rest of summer - to take his family on holiday as a gift from himself for being so absent lately. Yet, here he was, sitting on the couch, his only company the dogs and his thoughts.

He's standing up to get another cup of coffee hot enough to scald his tongue when his phone pings. Suguru knows he should've left his burner phone in his bedroom, but he couldn't help it. He pauses for a moment, hovering over the coffee table as he watches the phone buzz again. He hesitates inwardly, though his hands have already made up their minds, and grabbing the phone, he drops onto the couch. The message is short and direct, he only hopes the mission is the same.

The request is for today: Suguru needs to silently kill a corrupt police sergeant while they wait in an abandoned warehouse for some sort of trade. That was okay, corrupt law enforcement were the ones Suguru hated the most - using their power to take advantage of minorities and people in need. He had a few hours to get ready for the job and it seemed simple enough. Plus, the heavy rain expected around the same time would be good cover.

But he had promised Satoru he would stay home. Then again, would one more job really hurt? He would be disposing of someone who used their authority to hurt people while also forcing his mind to finally be quiet for a moment. It's not like Suguru would go to therapy and talk about how murdering people was the only thing that would make him feel real. He didn't want to keep hurting people, but he would, just once more.

He would take this job, and then he would stop.

Satoru wouldn't even notice he had left the house. He could help stop a corrupt officer and have enough money to comfortably look after his family during the kids' summer holidays. Yeah, he'd do this, and then that's it. One final job.

Chapter Text

Despite the small mishap with Nanami earlier in the day, Satoru hasn't had any disturbances since his shift started. Which was quite unusual because he preferred to linger around the office and chat rather than do work, he supposes his colleagues are just glad for the quiet. Though it wasn't silent for much longer when Satoru heard Yaga calling his name.

"Satoru, I have some news for you," He sidles round to his desk, "Follow me." Satoru sends him a questioning look before rising from his chair. Shutting down his computer, he follows Yaga into his office, something cold growing in his stomach. He was nervous. Something felt different about the upcoming conversation - talks with Yaga were normally calm and straight-forward but the air felt a little different today.

Sitting at his desk and gesturing for Satoru to take the seat opposite him, Yaga pulls a folder out from the top drawer, the hinges crying from age. "I have a mission for you." He says, slowly, carefully. Satoru doesn't know why he would say it like that. The feeling in his stomach tugs at him.

"It's the first solo-mission we're asking you to go on that's high-risk," he sighs, "I understand if it's too soon, don't feel like you have to take it on Satoru. However, I believe you are ready." He settles him with a look and Satoru, for once in his life, isn't sure what to say. Something about this feels off - his gut tells him so - but he can't let someone down. He'll feel the guilt claw it's way up into his heart if he doesn't take the mission and someone else dies.

His mind flicks to a memory of Haibara, on the verge of death, from a mission he was supposed to go on. Haibara wasn't supposed to be anywhere near the fight, he was still on light duty. Satoru had been the one to hesitate going on the mission due to exhaustion, so Haibara was sent instead. He doesn't think he ever can truly forgive himself for that.

Yaga's piercing gaze brings him back to the present, he can't hesitate. It's high-risk and he's the best they've got. He's the strongest.

"I'll take it," Yaga raises an eyebrow, on the verge of protesting, "I can do it, Yaga. I've been back on field work for months, I can't wait to actually do something interesting again!" Satoru falls behind his playfulness and the comfort that is being loud and irritating.

"If you're sure, here's the file," Yaga's eyes rake over him before he slides the beige folder over the table. Without even allowing Yaga to get another word in, Satoru grabs the folder and stands.

"I'll read it myself at my desk, if you don't mind," Satoru watches Yaga's face flicker with bewilderment before he hurries out of the room.

Way to go, Satoru. Because that's totally how you normally act. He should've made Yaga read him the details like usual but the gnawing feeling in his stomach was only growing in the small confines of that stuffy office. In all honestly, he didn't know what was making him so anxious; Satoru had never felt like this about a mission before.

Reading what the mission actually was would probably help. Collapsing into his chair and feeling some tension slink away from his bones, Satoru opens the folder. The mission itself seems simple, something he's done before a handful of times. He is expected to sneak in to watch over an undercover officer complete a drug trade. Simple enough.

The suspect will be accompanied by members of their gang so his partner needed someone on the inside to signal for help if necessary (as normally, in scenarios like this, they would be searched before the trade). He just has to keep an eye on everyone while officers outside the abandoned building wait to charge them once the undercover is out safe and it's confirmed it is in fact a drug trade. Easy, easy, easy. He just had to watch this guy and their gang for a little while, look for any suspicious movement and make sure his partner got out okay.

Satoru always had excelled at stealth. So why was the uncomfortable feeling still lingering in the pit of his stomach? He didn't even have to come face to face with anyone, his entire job was to stay in the shadows and observe. That was fine. It was going to be fine.

When he had said one more job, Suguru hadn't expected it to be so boring. The pay out was incredible though for just guarding someone. When he had first seen the request, he wasn't going to accept. Protecting others had been the main thing he did when he first started out, now, however, he wasn't that interested. Well, not until he saw the amount they were offering.

Easy money for an easy job. He was on a rotation with two other men who had the same job as him, they were guarding a locked box with something valuable in it, though they weren't allowed to know what was actually in there, Suguru guessed it was the reason for the price of the job. Although his bones still ached for violence, Suguru was glad this final job was simple - he couldn't risk collapsing into bed with Satoru again, covered in the evidence of his crimes.

This would give him enough money to comfortably treat his family to a calm and quiet holiday, this would give him the apology he had longed to give them for his absence - both mentally and physically. He did wish the building was a little less roughed up, however, as with the impending rain, it was bound to get freezing and very wet with rotted wood for walls and no fucking roof. Of course the guy had to pick probably the only abandoned building that was in the middle of being demolished to hide his secrets in. When it started raining he was going to be soaked, and that would be just awesome to explain to Satoru when he supposed to be at home all day.

The job was over soon anyway, he just hoped the rain would hold off until it was. Thinking about it really, he supposed that fact was why it made a good spot for a secret trade or whatever was going to happen. Best to just do his job and hope the time rolled by as quick as it could.

So even though standing there was boring and the only thing that was remotely interesting was the handgun he had been given as a precaution (the box was very important apparently), Suguru waited.

Satoru's feet skidded on the wet pavement as he kicked the puddles forming around his feet. The rain was loud - almost loud enough to drown out the nagging voice of the lead officer re-telling the focus of the mission. He normally would listen to this part but he had read the file almost a dozen times, he didn't need this old geezer telling him what he already knew, his nerves had sorted that one out for him.

Bringing his arms up to wrap in front of his chest, Satoru shivered at his soaked clothing sticking to his pale skin - shouldn't they let him have an umbrella or something? How was he meant to be stealthy when he sounded like a wet dog whenever he took a step? Well, the rain would probably cover the sound of his footsteps well enough he thought. Still, they could take some pity on him.

"Gojo! I hope you're paying attention!" His temporary boss barks at him, he nods his head jerkily and mock salutes the man, pretending not to hear his angry voice float over to him as he trudges away. Truthfully, the worrying feeling in his gut hadn't left. Satoru was nervous. He hadn't felt like this since the whole situation with Toji. It was like his heart was a hummingbird and really determined to escape from within his skin. 

Taking a breath and checking the time, Satoru crept around the back of the building. He had around two hours before the kids finished school, and after he got home, he needed to talk to Suguru. God, he hoped Suguru had listened to him and actually stayed home. He needed rest.

Satoru was pulled out of his thoughts by a quiet whistle, whipping his head to the side, he saw an officer in uniform signalling for him to go inside. Well, it was now or never, he supposes. There was no point in worrying about it when there was nothing he could do to stop it now. Pushing all the feelings he never wanted to feel again into the back of his mind, Satoru scaled the scaffolding still balanced against the back of the building.

He peered through the window at the very top of the warehouse, the glass cracking and covered in a thick layer of grime. Taking note of the one man in grey sweats and black hoodie, Satoru gently pushed the window open, slipping inside. He had been sent in a little before the officer doing the deal to get into a good position - the police hadn't had many opportunities to truly scope out the place before the deal was set to happen, so Satoru was kind of on his own now. Well, nothing new, right?

Feeling the heaving rain bouncing off his black long sleeve, Satoru slivers through large boxes, careful of anything on the floor that could make sound and alert the man he was here. He was less cautious of the small shards of glass glittering on the floor - the crunch wasn't audible over the patter of the rain.

Satoru found a comfortable spot between two boxes: a larger one behind him and a smaller one in front of him that he needed to crouch behind to be out of sight. It was good. It was fine. He could peer over the box to a perfect view of the crate holding the drugs and where everyone would likely be standing. Sending a message to the officers outside, Satoru waited. The side door opened and the undercover walked in, the man in black appearing spooked for a moment before he held a hand up to the officer and knocked on a steel door.

A man wearing lots of jewellery stepped out, his bracelets clinking together as he shook the officer's hand.

The conversation was swift and almost inaudible with the violent pounding of the rain only growing by the second, but the undercover seems to be incredible at his job as he gets the crate open within mere minutes. The bejewelled man confidently gestured at the contents of the box, only growing in enthusiasm as the officer pulled a wad of cash out of his pocket.

Satoru unpicked everything about the man - his dyed blonde hair that he most likely did himself with the bright yellow colour of it, the potentially fake jewels adorning his necklaces and bracelets and rings, the way he stands, the hand movements that accompany every sentence he says. Before one of the three men in black had patted down the officer, he had been apprehensive, guarded. However, once they found no traces of him having a mic or any weapons, his body language completely shifted.

It was interesting. Or at least, it was interesting enough to keep Satoru's thoughts from straying to that insistent feeling deep down in his gut.

Just as his watch hit the fifteen minute marker, the man clapped his hands together, rings digging into his flesh painfully, though he paid it no mind. The officer and him traded money for drugs and with another handshake the officer left the building. Satoru felt the tension drain from his shoulders. It was over. He could go home and get changed into some dry clothes and finally, finally talk to Suguru.

Smiling giddily to himself, Satoru exhales a quiet laugh before pausing. He needed to actually get out of the building first. Glancing back in the direction of where the men had stood mere moments ago, Satoru saw the main man and two of his three 'bodyguards' slink away through the steel door, the third hovering behind. Curiously, Satoru studied the man for a moment; it wasn't like one more moment in here would kill him.

The stranger turned around, shutting the large crate and clicking closed the lock on the front of it. A shiver rolled down Satoru's back like a wave rolling in from the ocean, he should get going now before the officers outside thought he'd been caught or something. Or, that's what he was going to do before he saw a long, black lock of hair fall from beneath the hood of the stranger's hoodie.

He froze in his tracks. Thinking about it now, he recognises that hoodie. And those shoes. There was no fucking way. Satoru knows he should leave right now, but, he had always been told he never knew when to quit. Creeping closer, Satoru watched the (not?) stranger lift themselves onto the crate and tip their head back, resting it on a large steel beam, their hands sliding into the front pocket of their hoodie.

He should go. He should go home and talk to Suguru about this there. But a large part of him wanted to tell Suguru of the ambush awaiting him once he stepped out of those doors. He wanted to be selfish. He knew Suguru would seem irredeemable to anybody except him, he needed to keep him safe. Manoeuvring between the boxes stacked up skyscraper high, Satoru inched closer and closer. The man he knew undoubtedly was Suguru sat unmoving, seemingly asleep. Satoru knew better.

One foot in front of the other, now. He didn't want to scare Suguru or something. Satoru's shoe meets the edge of a box, rotted and bent by age. His leg falls through, the crack sounding around, echoing into the empty warehouse. The rain background noise to the sound that was Satoru's mistake.

Suguru's eyes fly open, wild and afraid.

Satoru feels it before he hears it. Pain. Red hot and searing in his gut. He doesn't even get the chance to gasp in a final breath before the bullet rips through his flesh and bone, ripping through his life with it. He gurgles, feeling the sickening warmth of his own blood pooling in his mouth and he collapses to his knees. The concrete is cold. His hands are warm. His blood is warm.

Clutching his stomach, Satoru's ears ring as Suguru's muffled voice sounds out, "Satoru? Oh my God! Satoru!" His voice cracks and all Satoru can think is how it hasn't cracked like that since they went through puberty together. He feels his own limp hand be moved from his sluggishly bleeding wound and be replaced with a pair of strong, forceful ones, the harsh pressure forcing a gasp from his flooded lungs.

"What are you- Why are you here? I'm so sorry, this- this wasn't supposed to happen!" Suguru's voice is louder now, clearer. Satoru thinks he wants to hear it for the rest of his life. Satoru thinks he wants to grow old with Suguru. He wants them to live in a house by the beach, so when the summer becomes too much for Suguru they can go swimming together. They can get ice cream with the kids and sunbathe under the sun. Satoru thinks he will die before he gets that. Satoru thinks he doesn't want to die.

Satoru doesn't want to die.

No. This isn't how his life is supposed to go.

He is the strongest. He's scared.

He refuses to die here. It hurts.

He's scared.

He's so fucking scared.

It hurts so much.

He doesn't want to die.

He doesn't want to die. Satoru doesn't want to die.

Whimpering like a wounded dog, Satoru thrashes around, attempting to move away from the burning sting running through his body like electricity. "I know, I know-" Suguru's voice floats through his ears, something usually calm and refreshing was desperate and hurried and afraid. Satoru was afraid too.

"Sug- S'guru" He choked on his own blood, and Suguru turned his head to the side, the thick substance thinning out in the puddles of rainwater surrounding them. Washing away, much like he would soon. Lost in the earth. Forgotten. He didn't want that. He was supposed to be the strongest, how was it that he was dying now? Why was he dying here? Would he only be remembered for his death? For bleeding out in the arms of his best friend, begging the universe to not take him? Why? Why. Why was this happening? No, this isn't how today was supposed to go. 

He never got to speak to Suguru after work. There isn't going to be an after work, is there?

He needed to tell Suguru he noticed he was struggling. He needs to let him know he wasn't a bad friend. He never got to tell Suguru he loved him.

"Don't talk! I-I've got you," His head was turned back upright and Satoru watched the sky for a moment, wincing as the harsh rain battered at his sensitive skin. It's beautiful he thinks. He wishes he could spend some more time in the calm like this. Maybe dancing in the rain with Suguru. Yeah, he'd like that. Dancing under the dim streetlights, the kids staying up past their bedtime to watch them through the windows, their laughter floating into the night.

Or maybe reading on his windowsill, the rain a soothing melody on his ears. Suguru had been trying to get him into reading, lately. Suguru loved reading. Satoru loved Suguru.

"Stay with me! Come on, come on." Satoru lifts his head weakly, peering down at his stomach and oh. It's not a pretty sight. Suguru's hoodie is off and pushed at his wound, his black long sleeve is rolled up so the wound is on clear display to Suguru's prying eyes. His phone is lying on the ground in the rain, the three numbers lit up on the screen shining in the dark room. Seeing it makes everything more real.

The searing pain comes back in full force when he shifts slightly, he cries out. His breathing is shallow and a gasp forces its way out of his mouth with each breath he heaves in. And watching the dark, dark blood still drip onto the floor, Satoru feels like he isn't indestructible for the first time in his life. He feels human. Expendable. Temporary.

He wasn't the strongest. He wasn't strong enough. His mother was right. He wasn't supposed to be doing this job, he was supposed to be an owner to a company. He was supposed to be a Gojo. He was supposed to be determined and strong and talented. How could she have known? How did his mother know he would fuck this up too? She had told him. She had said: Satoru don't leave this house. You cannot make it on your own - you are meant for great things here. With your family. You will not succeed outside these walls. 

How did she know? Satoru was supposed to be dependable here. He had worked so hard to make everyone know he was strong, he was reliable. How ironic. Here he was, not being strong. Not being reliable; not being there to protect others - how could he even do that when he couldn't protect himself? He was supposed to be this indestructible thing. A weapon to be used - to keep others safe. If he couldn't be that, what could he ever hope to be? If he was human and weak and mortal, how could he ever amount to anything?

Gasping in a mouthful of rain water and tears, Satoru thrashed around, sobbing loud and unashamed into the dark sky. His father had always told him crying made him weak. He would be ashamed of him right now. Ever since Satoru had ruined his parents' plans of making him some kind of prodigy, his father especially had become cruel. Satoru wonders if his father would be upset at him dying, or would he bid him good riddance? He never had been an award-winning parent, but could he spare some sorrow for Satoru?

Could his father spare a moment to grieve his son? Satoru doesn't like the answer his mind conjures up. Even while he's laying here, bleeding and bleeding and bleeding onto the concrete, his mind is working enough to taunt him. To throw his attempt at staying awake back in his face. Screaming nobody will mourn you. They will all forget you soon enough. Satoru doesn't want to believe it. But how could his kids not hate him for leaving them? For doing the exact same thing their biological father did? Abandon and hurt. That's what he was doing.

He didn't want that. He didn't want to go. He couldn't let his children think that - he was nothing like the monster that was Toji Fushiguro. And he was nothing like the monster that was his father. He couldn't die here. He needed to go home.

Home.

Home?

Did he even belong there anymore? Was he welcome? He hadn't been able to help Suguru - his death would be proof of that. His children would mourn him longer than they had known him, though he's sure they won't care for him anymore after a few years once they learn he had failed at his only purpose. The only goal he had set himself.

Yet, Satoru doesn't want to believe that. He wants to believe his kids love him as much as he loves them. He wants to go home. To his family. Not his father or mother. Not to money or the Gojo estate. To his best friend and his children. To his dogs. He wanted to go home.

Satoru wanted to go home. He brought his gaze down to Suguru's own. His eyes are red-rimmed and afraid and it's something Satoru hates. He gasps and shudders from the pain or the cold - he doesn't know. He can feel the life draining from him, leaving through his choked sobs. Rushing out of his eyes with his tears.

"I-I don't want to d-die." His voice is meek, quiet, slow. Suguru's face morphs into one of horror, "Please," he coughs, "I don't w-want t' go!" He gasps in breaths, his whole body shuddering and Suguru's gaze races from Satoru's face to his wound and back again.

"Don't m-make me g-o Suguru. D'nt wanna. 'M scared." His tears mix with the relentless rain as the pressure on his wound increases, Suguru whips his head around, screaming for help. "I don't want to die. I don't-" Blood fills his mouth as he coughs it onto his face, "-want to die! I don't want to die!" His voice is raw from his screaming. His hands find Suguru's shoulders, searching for something - anything. He smears blood all over the pure white of his shirt.

Suguru's whole frame wracks with sobs and he shouts one more fleeting attempt to get any of the men's attention through the steel door. Satoru feels the strength and warmth leaving his skin, his bones cold and wrong within him. His eyes glaze over as Suguru makes a futile attempt at picking him up only for his wound to bleed quicker and more and more and more and more. He didn't know he still had so much blood left in him. He felt as though he had nothing left to give. The earth had already taken so much.

Gasping as he was placed back onto the floor, he could see Suguru's lips moving but his slow heartbeat pounding in his ears muffled the words. He brought his weak hand up to brush against Suguru's cheek. He was going to die.

He felt nauseous. He still had so many things he wanted to do. Things he wanted to say. He didn't want to die but he was starting to think that was impossible. He didn't want to die with regrets. That was also impossible. Not completely impossible though. There was something he could say to Suguru. At the very least, he could die with fewer regrets.

Satoru heard the sirens faintly in the distance. Smearing blood across Suguru's freckled cheek, he smiled shakily. Suguru sobbed; tears, rainfall and blood adorned his perfect face. He looked beautiful. How could he look beautiful at a time like this?

"Su-" Satoru coughed again, wheezing as his stomach burned from exertion.

"Don't try to talk o-okay? Help is almost here Satoru, okay? It's going to be okay." Satoru shook his head, his vision growing blurry.

Suguru shivered at the action, holding his hand over Satoru's weak one on his cheek. "I n-need to... Say this. Bef're I go." Satoru's words slurred over each other and he wondered if he should even be saying this. If he should be thinking of this. But he was dying and while he was weak and afraid he was also determined. He needed Suguru to know he didn't blame him for this. He needed that. He was going to be selfish. He was going to force Suguru to live his life with the weight of Satoru's love. He would feel guilty - he did feel guilty - but he didn't want to lose the opportunity.

"I love you," he shuddered again, his hand losing strength, Suguru's own being the only thing holding it up, "D-don't blame y'urself." He wheezed in a breath, "I l-love you."

Suguru wilted under his touch, his one hand still working vehemently at keeping pressure on the wound, his eyes squeezed shut as he curled over Satoru's body. He could feel the force of Suguru's sobs wracking his very soul.

"Love... You." Satoru's voice was quiet. Shallow. Using the last of his energy he tugged their hands to his face and placed a gentle kiss onto Suguru's palm with blood-stained lips. Satoru closes his eyes, Suguru's desperate words muffled by the fog in his head.

Satoru got to tell him. Satoru is scared of dying. Satoru hopes his kids are okay. Satoru loves Suguru.

Chapter Text

It had been two years without Satoru.

Two years without Satoru or his kids.

But Suguru would see him soon.

Satoru fades in and out of consciousness, Suguru cradles his head to his chest, weeping unashamedly into the rain. Looping his arms under Satoru's knees and pushing his head into the crook of his neck, Suguru stands just as the paramedics - accompanied by armed forces - bustle through the door.

Tears blurring his vision, he hesitantly hands Satoru's limp body over; his pleas and cries ring in his head, bouncing around like they were something he wanted to hear, to remember. He walks out in a daze. Watching Satoru be laid onto a stretcher, a paramedic on top of him, doing chest compressions. The stunned faces of the officers outside look at him. Disgusted. Horrified. He had expected there would be an ambush. He hadn't planned to still be here by now.

Slowly, He looks down to his blood soaked hands. Slowly, His white shirt now blends from deep red to a sickening pink with the rain. Slowly because that's what Satoru's heartbeat was like, right? Or had it already stopped?

He watched Satoru be rolled into the back of the ambulance and it rush away as quick as it had come, shouts of urgency coming from the people inside.

At first, Suguru had wondered if he could ever find a job after what he'd done. Who would hire a criminal who had murdered a police officer? That didn't matter now though. Everything was going to work out. He would see Satoru soon. He couldn't wait.

The cuffs on his wrists rubbed against his skin. The dry flesh of his wrist a juxtaposition to his blood he could still feel there. The judge announced his sentence. Murder.

That's what he had done. That's all he was. A murderer.

Suguru was a murderer and he had killed his best friend.

His first love. 

He was almost glad for his sentence. He wouldn't see the world again. But that was alright - that way he couldn't hurt anyone anymore.

This was what he deserved. This was his fate.

He was always going to end up like this; a lesson.

A failure.

Suguru hummed to himself as he sat. His wrists rubbed raw from the handcuffs he always tried to slip away from, the feeling of Satoru's blood too strong. They were free now though, his cuffs gone. And they would be for the rest of his life, he was sure of it.

"Geto?" Tsumiki's voice pulled him from his thoughts gently, "Will you read us a bedtime story?"

Suguru closed his eyes, taking a moment to clear his mind.

"Suguru?"

Suguru's eyes snap open.

Suguru didn't do much during the day. Or the night. He didn't do much at all.

He didn't speak with anyone. Didn't interact with anyone. That's why it was a surprise when a guard pounded on the bars of his cell, "Geto. You have a visitor. Come on." The door swung open and cuffs were placed on his wrists.

Suguru hated the cuffs.

Hated his hands so close together, just as they had been when he was pushing down, feeling his best friend's blood seep-

Why did he even have a visitor?

Who would visit him? Shoko wouldn't. Satoru was her friend. She would never forgive Suguru for what he had done. His parents were a laughable thought. His sisters probably assumed he just lost contact, living so far away from home, at least, he hoped so. The two little girls who looked at him like he had hung the stars in the sky didn't need to know his fate. Suguru hoped they never found out.

"Third table." The guard's voice rung out again and he stalked over, keeping his eyes down. Sitting, Suguru didn't lift them when he heard steps approaching him. He didn't lift them at the quiet cough echoing from the person sitting across from him.

Who could it be? Shoko? He blinked. Satoru's co-worker? He sighed. Satoru's boss? He lifted his head. Satoru's- No.

No.

No, no, no. This was some sick kind of fucking joke. Pure white hair like the clouds he rarely saw anymore. A grey button-down shirt like the gravel of the courtyard. Like the concrete from that night. He wasn't real. He couldn't be real. Suguru had killed him.

Then he spoke and Suguru felt real again.

"Suguru," His voice was so sweet. So warm and homely. So real. He smiled at him. Like, actually smiled at him.

"Are..." Suguru coughed at the dryness in his throat, "Are you real?" His question was a whisper. His answer was a hug; Satoru's body intertwined with his.

He hugged back hesitantly, afraid Satoru would whisk away if he held him too tight. "You're real. Satoru." His voice broke, splitting his name into two halves. One for Suguru and one for Satoru. How it belonged.

Satoru was alive and they were together again. Intertwined. Two halves sewn back into one.

"I'm real. I'm okay." Satoru's voice floated through him, his warm breath hitting Suguru's ear. Satoru was alive.

There Satoru stood. In his pyjamas, next to their children, leaning over to look into Suguru's eyes, "You alright?" Suguru's hands reached out to meet Satoru's skin. Warm. But not warm like his blood, no, warm like life. That was right.

"Yeah, sorry," Suguru smiled and shook his head, "I'm still getting used to..." He trailed off.

Satoru smiled sweetly at him, "I'm okay, Suguru," He gestured for the kids to go to their room and crouched down, "I'm here and I'm alive." He began to lift his shirt up and Suguru's breath caught in his throat, his eyes snapping shut. "Suguru, please. Look." Slowly, he peeked through one hesitant eye to see flesh. Scarred flesh. Alive. It was scarred because it had healed. Because Satoru was alive and Suguru hadn't killed him that day.

Reaching a hand out to brush over the skin, Suguru gasped in a breath. Satoru chuckled quietly, pulling Suguru's hand away from the tender spot, "Hey."

"Hey," Suguru breathed, looking into the oceans swirling in front of him. "Satoru, hey." He shuffled forward. Ever since he had been released from prison being around Satoru had felt surreal. Suguru hadn't actually been told Satoru was alive until he had been in prison for a few weeks, the news shocking him to his core. When he had first found out, he thought it to be some sick kind of joke. Something impossible. Yet, Satoru always seemed to find a way to deceive fate.

Satoru chuckled again, louder this time, "Hi." Suguru closed his eyes as Satoru's lips met his.

Suguru's hands rest on Satoru's stomach, feeling the warm skin there. Warm. He was alive. Suguru would keep telling himself that until he believed it. Satoru's hands rested on his cheeks, tilting his head down to kiss him softly. Suguru sighed shakily into the kiss, Satoru swallowing it up as though he could understand Suguru. Taking the pieces of Suguru he didn't know how to live with, taking the guilt. Bearing it like Suguru deserved that, sharing Suguru like he was something to be loved.

Suguru's hand runs up Satoru's stomach, resting on his chest. Like this, Suguru can feel his heartbeat. The steady thumping a soft feeling, the rhythm like the sound of the pillow fights they used to have as teenagers, before everything. Even like the sound of Satoru's feet padding against the floor as he comes to welcome Suguru home from work. Or maybe even the feeling of his children rushing to hug him as he comes home from prison.

One-two. One-two. Two beats, like the two of them, like they were living in Satoru's heart just as much as they lived in Suguru's own, consumed by each other.

Suguru found that the melody of Satoru Gojo's heart sounded like home. 

Satoru stole his breath and Suguru stole Satoru's right back. 

Suguru kisses Satoru like he deserves him, like he is allowed to feel loved, taking his touch like it's a necessity. And maybe it is - maybe it is after almost losing him. Maybe Satoru wants to share his thoughts as well as his feelings; maybe Satoru wants to love the darker parts of him. Maybe Suguru could let him.

Pulling away, Satoru rests his forehead against Suguru's, "Come on. The kids won't sleep without that story and it is way past their bedtime."

Suguru laughs heartily, the sound echoing around the living room, "Yeah, let's go." Satoru grabbed onto his hand, pulling him up and pressing one last kiss onto his lips before he hurried to their children's bedroom. Suguru followed.

-

"Do you have training tomorrow?" Satoru asked from over the counter, watching Suguru cook.

"Yeah, but only a short session, I have therapy at four." Suguru smiled to himself. He'd had to majorly fuck up and almost kill the love of his life (and himself, in turn) but he had managed to get himself into therapy. He had tried therapy once before when he was in high school and that therapist was useless. Most likely because she was the on-campus 'mental health professional' but the whole experience had really put Suguru off.

His parents finding out about his underage smoking habits had really just been awesome when his therapist had completely ignored how that was a cry for help and told them he was some kind of delinquent. That breach of trust made his seventeen-year-old mind decided all therapy was bad therapy.

Which obviously wasn't very helpful in the long run.

But, after all, that was in the past. Suguru had decided to focus on the present for now, he only talked about the past in his sessions. He didn't like thinking about all that. Pouring the vegetables he had sliced into the simmering pot of soup, Suguru untied his apron, "Will you finish that for me? I have to get going."

Satoru shuffled around the counter, pulling Suguru in for a short kiss, smiling into his lips, passing it to Suguru through them. "Sure, have fun!"

Suguru shook his head, smiling stupidly to himself. He needed to get to work. Not his tattoo parlour though, he had been fired after he'd been to prison. And definitely not that job. Suguru's smile faltered slightly before he caught himself, no, that was the past and he wasn't thinking of the past. Shouting goodbye to his family, Suguru shut the front door and began his walk through the park. He had begun training to work at Satoru's agency.

Yaga - who he had recently found out was Satoru's boss after thinking the man was just a co-worker with how informally Satoru talked about him - had seen some kind of 'potential in him' as he had put it.

Suguru wrung his hands in front of him on the desk, Yaga sitting across from him, his face unreadable. The man beside Yaga spoke up, "Suguru Geto, your skills are impressive, to say the least. You would be a valuable asset to the force. However, I sense you are... Hesitant to commit good acts, you are afraid, is that correct?" The man revelled in Suguru's surprise. "So I have a deal for you. If you join the secret police force, your sentence will be lessened and you will be a police officer until you retire."

Suguru's head shot up to look at the man. There was no possible way he was telling the truth, right? The man's grey beard bobbed with his head as he nodded, "You can bury your sins and allow yourself to be used for good. You can help people." Help people?

Suguru couldn't be trusted. No, he would hurt people. Suguru opened his mouth to disagree when Yaga spoke up, "Sir, if I may, could I speak to Geto-san alone for a moment?" The older man hummed, his eyes closing as he came to a decision.

"Very well. Don't disappoint, Yaga." 

As the man moved out of the room, Suguru watched Yaga's face carefully. "You were going to say no, weren't you?"

Suguru scrunched his eyebrows together. How had he known? "Geto-san, my superior may want you on this force to improve his officers. For your strength and efficiency. However, I would like you to consider this offer for a different reason," He brushed his hair backwards with his hand, looking Suguru in the eyes, "The people you have killed are dead."

Suguru froze.

Yaga's face softened at the action, yet he persisted, "There is nothing you can do for them now. But, do you know what you can do?" Suguru shook his head numbly. "You can help others. You can save people who will be hurt by the person you used to be." Suguru looked up a little more and Yaga's eyes seemed to sparkle with the action, "You can become a better man for your family, Geto. You can become a good man, choose the right path for yourself. And if you can't do it for yourself, do it for someone you love. Your children. Satoru."

Suguru perked up at the name, clearing his throat, "You... You really think I can?"

Yaga smiled at him, "You're the only person who can decide that."

The birds chirped at him. The same yellow one he had seen every morning since he had begun working perched on the streetlight in front of him, watching him closely. The fish in the pond bathed in the speckles of sun peeking through the clouds, koi fish cuddling with each other, lazily soaking in the last few days of autumn. They reminded Suguru of Satoru and him.

His day at work was slow (even though he technically was still in training). He spoke to Nanami and Haibara. He had grown fond of them, understanding Satoru's protectiveness over the men. He sat with Shoko as she smoked, sitting by the window to breathe in the damp air instead of the smoke. He had promised Satoru he would quit. He had.

His therapy session was easier today. Each time he spoke with her, he felt part of that hole in his gut fill. Part of that guilt becomes bearable. It never goes away - the guilt couldn't leave. He could never forgive himself for what he had done. But he could learn to try. He had promised his children. So he would.

His children. Right, that was today, wasn't it?

Today Satoru and Suguru would adopt Megumi and Tsumiki as their own.

 
-
 

The courtroom is large and smells of polish. Suguru distantly wonders how often they're cleaned to smell so pristine.

Sitting at the wooden table, Suguru feels his nerves light up as the judge sits opposite them; anything could go wrong. They might not be able to adopt them because of Suguru's history - although he's sure most of his crimes were wiped off the record - or the kids could end up saying they don't want to be adopted. Suguru can't help but wonder if he and Satoru and doing things all too quickly, is this really the right decision?

Suguru's mind goes blank as Megumi grabs his hand under the table, as though he could hear Suguru's inner turmoil. Looking to his left, he sees Megumi looking forward, a sheen to his eyes. Suguru sinks in his seat, his kids wanted this. Megumi wanted this. Tilting his head further to look to Tsumiki, Suguru watched her lean into Satoru, smiling as the judge finished reading the consent forms. Tsumiki wanted this.

His family was going to be his. Well, they always were, even if they were held together with glitter glue and stickers (courtesy of Tsumiki), they had always been a family, hadn't they?

The judge looks to each of them individually, her hair a long and silky blonde, "This is a wonderful day, one I am sure you have thought about for a long time," She looks to the children, "I believe you have both found your forever home here with Gojo-san and Geto-san." She smiles at the two, placing her hands on the table in front of her, "There is one final step before the adoption is official."

Looking at Tsumiki she continues, "Tsumiki Fushiguro, do you understand what this adoption means for you, your brother and your parents? Do you understand the finality of it and do you fully and confidently agree?" Tsumiki looks down at her palms for a second, resting on her blue dress.

"Yes, I do, Miss. I love Gojo and Geto and want them to be my dads." Her smile falters slightly as she glances back up, "Megumi and I haven't had very good luck with family and finding a place to call home, but I think I like this one. I like feeling safe. I like being with my brother. I like not worrying about when the next time I can eat is, when the next time I can allow myself some sleep after making sure Megumi was okay." Tears glitter in her eyes as she beams up at the judge, "Gojo and Geto are my dads, they have been since the day I met them."

Tsumiki turns to her left to meet Satoru's eyes, "I love you," She turns to her right, meeting Suguru's, "I love you too." And hearing such simple words come from her mouth is what finally makes Suguru tear up, not the horrors of what she had lived through. Not the sacrifices she had made for her brother. Her telling Suguru with utter confidence that she loved him was what broke the dam.

Satoru pulled her in for a side hug as the judge smiled at them. "Now, Megumi Fushiguro, you understand what this adoption means for you, your sister and your parents, correct? This adoption is final and irreversible, do you fully and confidently agree to being adopted?"

Megumi looked at his family for a moment before shrugging, his eyes slipping to Kuro and Shiro - who had somehow been allowed in - sitting on the benches (it was probably allowed because of Megumi's puppy dog eyes, Suguru swears he gets them from Satoru), "As long as I get to keep my dogs."

Suguru almost facepalms right then and there, until the judge turns to face him, a smile on her face and laughter in her eyes, "Geto-san, could Megumi-kun keep his dogs?"

Suguru chuckles, "Yes. Yes, of course, he can." Satoru agrees just as quickly.

And the strike of the gavel sounds a lot like hope.

-

The walk home is slow. Not because everyone is cool, calm and collected, quite the opposite actually. It's slow because their kids insist on playing in every playground, splashing in every pond and climbing every tree on their way there.

Megumi is in the process of trying to push Kuro down the slide - with Tsumiki tries to muffle her giggles - when Satoru slips his hand into Suguru's waiting one on the bench. "I love you."

Suguru freezes, not from the cold. "You... You said it." Satoru looks confused for a moment before recognition lights in his eyes and his smile softens.

"I've said it before, haven't I?" Satoru squeezes Suguru's hand, "And I'll keep saying it until you believe me. Suguru, you are worthy of love, what I said that night wasn’t just due to blood loss or any other reason your mind might try to convince you of, I meant it. Deep down, you know I meant it. I love you, Suguru." Satoru looks at him with so much love in his eyes a part of Suguru breaks.

Suguru hesitates, but only for a moment, "I love you too."

Satoru's face flushes prettily as Suguru meets his eyes, "I love you," he laughs, "I love you, Satoru."

Satoru's eyes crinkle as his lips curve into a smile, dimples popping out from his cheeks, "I love you, Suguru." And it's true. Suguru believes him.

"Stop flirting!" Megumi's voice calls over, he's now lying on the grass with Tsumiki, the dogs curled around them, those four are thick as thieves - Suguru swears if he finds any more cookies missing from the cookie jar, he is going to lose it. "I'll go back and get you guys to un-adopt me." He pouts. His hair is messy from the amount of times Satoru had ruffled it and his breath comes out in puffs, the chill of the evening making it visible.

"You wouldn't dare!" Satoru has the heart to look offended, even if only for a moment.

Their kids giggle, Tsumiki piping up from beneath Shiro's fur, "He wouldn't," She smiles cheekily as Megumi whacks her, cheeks heating in embarrassment.
 

Suguru leans onto Satoru's shoulder, listening to their children laugh. Miniscule specks of barely-there snowflakes drift in the air. That was right, it was almost winter. Suguru smiled as he squeezed the hand intertwined with his own.

Satoru's birthday was coming up soon and Suguru had a ring to buy.