Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Returning to the real world hadn’t been as easy as expected.

After the initial buzzing in your head had subsided and your blurry, burning eyes came into focus at the frightened face of your roommate, your memories had come back in bits and pieces. For an entire week, you and Debbie had barely done anything besides eat and sleep, too disoriented by the experience to do so much as speak to each other. You were both stuck in a fog, minds slowly sifting through technicolor shapes and artificial sounds and day after day after day...Just to reform your original sense of self. It felt like searching for toys in a sandbox; mental fingers combing and brushing and clawing through grainy bits of sand to recover what was truly yours.

By the time you and your former ragdoll of a roomie had returned to your true selves, the landlord was pounding at the door and shouting obscenities about missing persons and frozen bank accounts and rent that was two months overdue.

It had been an absolute shit show, returning to a normal human lifestyle. The first two things that had come to mind after the chaotic dust had settled was that you were thankful that Debbie had set up automatic payments with the apartment complex, and if her parents hadn’t reported her missing then your little apartment on the 7th floor would’ve remained unoccupied until her account was fully drained.

It was lucky then that you both had some money left to make up for missed payments and enough time to reassure loved ones and police that things were just fine - an impromptu trip to Italy had been your agreed-upon excuse, though “we ran off with the circus” had been used more than once as a joke for the nosier ones.

That didn’t mean things had been easy since then.

Another scary thought to cross your mind was the realization that, because you were both missing and your bank accounts were locked, it had been merely days before the eviction was passed. The notice was already taped to the door.

If you and Debbie hadn’t returned from the digital realm at that time, a judge would have signed off on the order. Men would’ve come. They would’ve cleared out everything: furniture, clothes, personal items.

The computer.

They would have unplugged the computer.

It would have been either scrapped or sold to make up for lost payments.

Would you have been able to return to the human world if that had happened?

Or would you and Caine still be enjoying flavorless cotton candy by a digital lake as Ragatha looked on, doomed to forever be the lonesome third wheel?

That alone is what had inspired you to create the group page. 

You had started it on whim. Nothing more than acting on an instinctual urge to reach out, to try and find everyone else. To try and make sure all the involuntary cast members of the Amazing Digital Circus had escaped to the real world safely and securely. After all, if it had been near hell just for you and Debbie to regain your lives, what was everyone else going through...if they had even made it through?

And so it was born.

The ‘Digital Friends’ Recovery Group. 

As per the description: A safe, healthy space for those formerly trapped in the world of computers and electronics. A support system for people who have escaped the eternal grip of video game addiction.

Not too conspicuous. Subtle, or so you hoped. Simple context clues would be sure not to tip off the wrong people.

Designing the page with blinding primary colors, toy motifs and clown pictures, however...

Eh, what the hell. You weren’t real good with this shit anyway.

Up until now, the only inquiries you had gotten were from real video game addicts looking for serious help. You tried testing them all with subtle hints - mentions of adventures, going to the circus, dropping the phrase ‘digital hallucinations’ once or twice - none of them knew what you were talking about. And so, you had directed them to a larger support page, kicked them from the group, and continued to hope and wait.

Part of you had already started to give up on the notion of finding anyone. After all, this wasn’t just a tiny digital landscape. The real world was full of billions . A handful of human beings, possibly scattered across the globe; Aside from your own roommate, you had a snowball’s chance in hell of coming across another surviving member. Part of you was even thinking about just deleting the damn thing and moving on with your life.

That was before Caine arrived.

You didn’t know why, but after that moment, any thought of quitting on your search had flown right out the window. Perhaps him showing up had filled you with some sense of hope. Perhaps you were just being naive. Either way, if a loony AI could magically appear in your living room as a flesh and blood human being, who's to say what was possible?

And now, you could feel that childlike sense of hope returning to you once again.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Hi! I saw this was a place for people with video game addictions?

Your index finger tap-tap-tapped lightly on the ‘Enter’ key, teasingly caressing the button without actually pushing it, as you swiveled back and forth in your seat. Behind you, you could hear Debbie say something to Caine, and after he gave a thoughtful hum they ventured towards the bathroom. Probably to give you some proper peace and quiet. You’d need it to get through these next few minutes.

It almost looked too good to be true, and there was still a chance that it was. However, from the look of this person’s profile page and their icon, you already had an inkling of who this might be. That red ribbon next to their username just seemed all too familiar to be a coincidence. 

Still, you had to be careful. It wasn’t just misguided web surfers you had to be careful of, after all.

You took a breath, and pressed down on the key.

Ballet_Sucks: Hello! It’s not so much for true addicts, but more of a recovery group for those who’ve gotten too into video games.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: ...

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Well...

xXMasuku-ChanXx: I got way too into a video game once. Does that count?

You bit your lip, fingers skimming along the surface of the computer desk, before the clicking of keys resumed.

Ballet_Sucks: That depends. 

Ballet_Sucks: How far engrossed in the game did you get and for how long?

It took a whole five minutes before this new group member responded.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Can I be honest with you?

xXMasuku-ChanXx: I still don’t know for how long

xXMasuku-ChanXx: A few years , I think?

xXMasuku-ChanXx: It was like I was trapped and couldn’t get out

xXMasuku-ChanXx: No matter what I did. I was stuck. For years.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: And the funny thing is...

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Nobody even noticed

You stared cow-eyed at the page, blinking in surprise at the sudden but rapid bombardment of messages that marched across the screen. It was like the floodgates had opened, scrawling up the page in a wall of pretty pink text.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Hehe...that’s funny, right?

xXMasuku-ChanXx: All my friends

xXMasuku-ChanXx: At least...they were supposed to be

xXMasuku-ChanXx: They...they didn’t even notice I was gone . I was gone and lost and they didn’t even care . They had all moved onto other things and I was left alone. Again. It...hurt. And it wasn’t any better in the video game, either! I was always being pushed around and bullied, by one player in particular. I tried to put on a happy face, every day. But I kept slipping or tripping or someone would push me and I just couldn’t keep it together! It felt like it didn’t matter. Like nothing mattered! 

xXMasuku-ChanXx:...

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Like I didn’t matter.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: I...I’m so tired of feeling this way...

xXMasuku-ChanXx: I’m tired of hiding it all the time

The messages stopped coming, a brief reprieve from the stream of words that crawled along the private chat box. You let out the breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding, fingers trembling over the computer mouse. Just what were you supposed to say to that? Part of you had always known...could obviously see...but to see such downtrodden and sullen feelings actually written out in front of you...

Your opposite hand, shaky as it was, wiped at your cheek. Your fingers came back wet. When did you start crying?

Another message finally followed the rest.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: I’m sorry.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Maybe this isn’t the right place for this.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: So sorry for venting

xXMasuku-ChanXx: I’ll...just exit the group.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Sorry

The clicking of the keyboard was rapid and loud as you sprung into action, fingers dancing faster than you expected them to.

Ballet_Sucks: Gangle

Ballet_Sucks: You ALWAYS mattered to us.

Ballet_Sucks: ALWAYS

Ballet_Sucks: And I am so sorry if we never showed you that enough.

You hoped the message made it through in time, not wanting to lose the one and possibly only chance of making a connection. There was no point in hiding anything - it was her, you were sure of it. And fuck if you didn’t make it clear just how much you had missed her, you and Debbie both.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: ...

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Pomni?

Ballet_Sucks: Prima

xXMasuku-ChanXx: oh my holy FUDGE OH MY GOODNESS AAAAAAAAAA

You were treated, nay rewarded , to wall after wall of heart emojis, pictures of hugging cats and cute little animated sprays of confetti that reminded you all too much of daring thrills and fun adventures. A broken laugh escaped you, though you knew she couldn’t hear it. A warm tear kissed the back of your hand as you forced yourself to continue typing, not willing to stall this conversation for even a second.

Ballet_Sucks: Actually, it’s Beth.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: My name’s Adelina! Though I like being called Misa.

Ballet_Sucks: Haha, well nice to meet you Misa.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: You too! Wow. I can’t believe it!

xXMasuku-ChanXx: It’s you! It’s actually you! Haha. Nice username, btw!

Ballet_Sucks: Haha, yeah. I do not miss that body.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Aw, but you were so pretty!

xXMasuku-ChanXx: And hey, at least you had a body!

Ballet_Sucks: Fair enough. Seriously, though, are you doing ok? Did you make it through alright? Are you in a safe place?

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Ya! Turns out I’m still living with my Aunt Gracie

xXMasuku-ChanXx: I had to answer a few questions to the police, tho

That made you pause in the middle of a cheery reply. Your finger held down the delete button until your lighthearted words were no more.

Ballet_Sucks: Did you tell them about the Circus?

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Well...I didn’t think they’d believe me, so I just told them I ran away.

Okay. Good. Gangle - Misa - wasn’t stupid. To be fair, she never was.

Ballet_Sucks: That’s good. I don’t want anyone causing us any trouble right now. Me and Debbie haven’t told a soul about our...adventures.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Debbie?

Ballet_Sucks: Lol. Turns out Ragatha was my roommate all along.

She proceeded to send you a picture of a cartoon kitten spewing out a geyser of milk.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: You’re kidding!

Ballet_Sucks: Nope lol. That’s actually how I got myself stuck.

Ballet_Sucks: She’d been missing for three weeks and left the headset plugged in. She had just brought the damn thing home when she disappeared and I was the dumbass who thought I’d play detective and see if it’d give me a clue as to where she’d gone.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Wow! So that whole time, you and her had no idea?

Ballet_Sucks: Nope. Not one fucking bit.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Could I maybe talk to her too?

Ballet_Sucks: Oh don’t worry, I promised her a turn right after this.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Thanks! What did you do with your headset?

Ballet_Sucks: Smashed it. Stomped it. An alleyway, some gasoline. Lit a match. Fucking Burn Baby Burn!

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Oh. Haha. I drowned mine. Then I buried it.

Ballet_Sucks: Yeah, good fucking riddance. So...these friends of yours...?

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Oh...them?

xXMasuku-ChanXx: It was my fault, really.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: We met on this fan page for an anime I like. It's about this magic cat who's secretly

A pause.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Sorry I meant to delete that last part! 

xXMasuku-ChanXx: But yeah, we were all really close. I felt like I could share anything with them. I told them things I never even told my own aunt! I felt like I could trust them, like really trust them. But then I volunteered to test out that headset. When I came back, they'd all moved onto other things. I tried to reconnect with them, but they wanted nothing to do with me. Well, except one. But then they started asking me to do things that made me uncomfortable. I blocked them.

Ballet_Sucks: Shit, what were they wanting you to do?

xXMasuku-ChanXx: I really don't wanna talk about it, if that's okay?

Ballet_Sucks: Sure, you're fine.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Thanks. Maybe another time. It still hurts though. I thought they were my friends. But I guess I was wrong.

Ballet_Sucks: I'm...so sorry, Misa. 

xXMasuku-ChanXx: It's okay. I'm glad I could find you though. 

A sudden crash from the bathroom made you jump in your seat. Your head whipped around at the comically loud yelp that followed. Definitely Caine. Debbie had taken him to the bathroom for something, probably to show him how to brush his teeth. You really hoped he hadn’t already choked on his own toothbrush.

For a moment, you were glad that you had a roommate who worked at the hospital. Good ol’ Deb could probably perform the Heimlich in her sleep if she wanted to. And considering how accident-prone a humanized Caine was turning out to be, her talents were becoming more of a godsend by the hour. 

An aggravated noise echoed down the hall. That one was Debbie, you could tell. The second crash that reached your ears made you swivel back around to the computer.

Ballet_Sucks: Hey, I gtg. Duty calls. I’ll have Debbie log on in a few minutes so you can catch up, though.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Ok, sure! Thanks for letting me join, btw!

Ballet_Sucks: No problem!

Honestly, you felt a small sense of achievement, and maybe even just a little satisfaction. You did it, you actually found someone. All your work hadn’t been complete bullshit, after all! Happy to be leaving the conversation on a high note, your mouse hovered over the ‘Log Out’ button.

A brief line of text stopped you from clicking, though.

xXMasuku-ChanXx: Btw...I’m really sorry about what happened with you and Caine. I know Jax liked to poke fun at your relationship, but I know it was real to you and that’s all that matters! I hope you don’t miss him too much...

Another dramatic shout came from the bathroom, followed by Debbie’s voice.

“Beth! Please get in here and deal with your boyfriend!”

You sighed. 

Ballet_Sucks: Don’t worry about it. Stay safe, okay?

And with that, you logged off and made your way down the hall.

“No, no, NO! I don’t NEED a shower! I am perfectly fine not taking one!”

“Caine, c’mon. It’s not all that bad.”

“ Oho yes it is! First the water’s freezing and then it’s boiling hot and t-then it’s shooting at my face and I won’t step in there ever again, Ragatha! You...you can’t make me!”

Deborah’s irritated, frustrated groan met your ears as she tried to step closer, only to jump back as another frantic swing of the toilet plunger nearly collided with her face. Her brows furrowed and her lips were set in a firm, annoyed frown. It was very rare that you got to see her like this. 

“Caine, please just come down...”

“No! I refuse!” He protested, swinging wide.

You flinched as a bar of deodorant and the toothbrushes went flying, along with other items on the sink. Something shattered. You chewed on your lip, eyes darting to Debbie’s balled fists and clenched teeth. 

Years of experience with difficult patients had given her the temper of a saint, something that had proven to be an invaluable asset whilst trapped in the circus. There was no doubt that her gentle demeanor, perseverance, and endless amounts of empathy had kept the dark, mangling grip of insanity at bay for several unwilling performers, yourself included. The former ragdoll had the kindness and calmness to soothe and relax anyone. It was truly a talent. 

And it was proving to be absolute shit in regards to the disheveled, former AI currently perched on the toilet seat, hissing at the both of you like a cornered stray cat.

The first time you and Debbie had tried to give Caine a shower was a pure catastrophe. It had been the night he appeared in your apartment, covered in tears and snot and sweat and Deb had offhandedly suggested getting him cleaned up. What a fucking nightmare that had been. The poor ringmaster had ended up having another meltdown, fully clothed and huddled in the corner of the tub as your roommate sponged him down, shuddering and sobbing as you rinsed whilst trying to ignore the knife digging into your heart.

This time around was proving to be no less of a pain in the ass.

Debbie had managed to wrestle Caine out of his vest and tie before his nerves got the better of him, the ball of pure chaotic energy that he was. She had no choice but to rip your attention from the computer to help calm the circus leader down. Instead you and her were now flanking him on both sides, dodging swings from Caine’s makeshift weapon as he fought to keep any and all hands squarely off his person. 

You groaned, hanging your head. He was behaving like a child. A silly, ridiculous, absolutely impossible child. It made your shoulders tense. You could already feel a headache coming on. Judging by the way Debbie was wincing, you were guessing she was already there. Caine held his chin high and loftily, as if he wasn’t clearly pouting like a supersized three year old. How he could go from an adorable, admittedly sexy goober to behaving like a spoiled brat, you’d never know.
Either way, you weren’t the only one about to lose their fucking mind.

Beside you, Deborah let out an irritated huff of air as she spoke through gritted teeth.

“Caine. I am losing my patience .”

“Well go find it then!” Caine protested, stubbornly stomping atop the porcelain throne. “We already had our sanitary escapade this week! Did I ever force you to repeat the same adventure more than once? Why, of course not! What kind of cheap entertainer do you take me for?” He crossed his arms, plunger still in hand, “I’m sure there are plenty of other aquatic adventures we could entertain your dear little minds with! ‘Washing the Ringmaster’ has already been done and I am not a one trick pony!” The toilet plunger bopped Debbie hard on her sandy-colored hair, “So get over it!”

Red flashed in your roommate's eyes.

“ Dammit , Caine!” And she was reaching, grabbing at Caine’s pant leg and jerking, “I have had a fourteen hour day today! My pay was cut and a three-year-old threw up on me! You will get in that shower if I have to drag you down and clobber you over the head!”

Caine screamed, arms flailing as Deborah’s unexpected strength caught him off-balance. You just barely avoided his free leg kicking as his butt hit the toilet seat with a crack . Another thing to add to the growing list of repair costs from the past few days.

This week was getting way too expensive. 

And it was only half over.

Caine grabbed the back of the tank in a wild panic, hanging on for dear life as he thrashed his tree-trunk legs like a clumsy newborn foal. The warrior of a nurse yanked and pulled and shook on his pant leg, a near snarl hanging on the edge of her lips as she tried to pry him free.

“P-Prima! Help me!”

“Let go, Caine!” Deb demanded, “Get. In. The. Tub!”

“Never!”

“Do it or the leg is coming off! ”

“Fine! I'll just make another one!”

“Caine you dumba -”

“Okay, okay, timeout!” Your quick hand intercepted the downward chop of the plunger, which Debbie had snatched away in the midst of the chaos. Perhaps you should have intervened a moment sooner, but you were too caught up watching the poor nurse negotiate with the ringmaster to think of moderating. Granted, that’s why Deborah had called for you in the first place, but...

Shaking your head, your fingers wrapped around the wooden handle, gently pulling the weapon from your roommate’s hand.

“Let’s just calm down for a moment.” Funny, that was usually her line. “I’m sure we can figure this out like grown adults.”

She huffed, gesturing, “Tell that to him. He’s nothing but a big baby, if you ask me.”

Caine sputtered, “I...you...the audacity!” He sprung up, back straight and arms stiff at his sides as he regarded Deborah incredulously. “ I’m not the one taking amusement out of torturing a poor, lost, traumatized ringmaster! After I treated you all so well, too!” He puffed out his chest, jabbing a finger at her, “Slaving away over coding and polygons, crafting entire worlds and fun, exciting adventures for your enjoyment? Keeping you humans satisfied was no easy feat, thank you very much. And this is the thanks I get?”

You froze, jaw hanging open. Your eyes darted between Debbie and Caine. The tension in the air was thick enough to cut with a knife. For a minute, you considered the possibility that these two might literally try and kill each other.

Utter silence, and Debbie growled. Growled.

“Thanks? Thanks!? You self-centered, egotistical, arrogant little- ”

“No. No. No!” You pushed yourself in between their bodies, forcing them an arm's length apart. “We are not doing this right now. Not over a dumb shower. Both of you need to chill the fuck out!” 

This was getting way too heated. Perhaps that wasn’t the best sign, considering Caine now lived with you. You figured the household dynamic was gonna change, but not quite like this.

You stared them both down, giving the best ‘no bullshit’ glare you could muster. Granted, you were no powerlifter, but you weren’t exactly a dainty ballerina either. If things needed to get physical, you could and would wrestle these two apart with your bare hands. Debbie already knew that after seeing you go crazy once on a black friday sale. Caine, however...

Thankfully, he and Debbie broke eye contact, albeit reluctantly. Slowly, they stepped away from each other, both mumbling under their breath like a pair of scolded siblings. You ran your fingers through your hair, gripping the base of your scalp with one hand. This couldn’t be fucking real. The week wasn’t even half over and here you all were, acting like crappy actors on an even crappier reality TV show. Debbie was stressed, Caine was acting immature, and the both of them were ready to throw hands like children over something as stupidly simple as a shower.

Man, this week was nothing short of an emotional rollercoaster.

And it was biting you in the ass.

You probably deserved it, though.

Caine’s childish glower, though directed solely at the other woman, was challenged with your own tired, withered expression. You massaged your aching temple, fighting back the dull throbbing of a vein under your fingertips.

“Will you please, please take a shower, Caine?”

For a moment, you could see his resolve weaken. He stared at you, shoulders lowering merely a fraction before he shook his head, frowning. “Sorry, no can do, my bubbly buttercup! It just...I mean...you have to understand, my dear, it just doesn’t feel right.”

“Listen.” You breathed. In, out. “I know you’re a lot more sensitive now as a human, but you just can’t go without washing yourself. You’re a man now. Trust me, if you don’t shower at least once a day, you’re going to smell terrible .” 

“Once a day?” Caine parroted, “But...but that’s so repetitive! Monotonous, even! Why would anyone want to be stuck doing the same act over and over again? Especially when there’s all sorts of other activities you could be doing instead!” His lips curled enthusiastically, “Why, we could go deep-sea diving, or go-kart racing, or even take a rocketship to the moon! Whaddya say, ladies?” He spread his arms wide, his face beaming if not just a little uneasy, “Doesn’t that sound like a much better way to spend our evening?”

You had to admire his determination. However, he was going to have to try better than that.

“While those all sound just lovely,” If not impossibly expensive because capitalism , “You still need to get used to the idea of a normal, everyday routine.” You shrugged, waving a hand absentmindedly, “Human bodies aren’t exactly like digital avatars. We get dirty, we get smelly, and you need to keep yourself clean.” A coy smile tugged at your lips, “Besides, isn’t the ringmaster supposed to make a good first impression? What’s everyone gonna say when you go out looking like a second rate amateur?”

Caine nodded, rubbing a gloved hand along his chin, “Hm. You may have a point there, my dear.”

Sighing,you stepped forward, tilting your head just so that you met his mismatched eyes, “Besides, there’s more than one way to get clean. Perhaps... you’d be willing to try a bath instead?”

Caine blinked at you, “A...a bath?” 

You shrugged, back straightening, “Well, yeah. It’s like a shower, only the water fills the tub and-”

“Prima. I know what a bath is. Honestly, my dear,” Caine’s eyes met the ceiling, nose wrinkling as the light flickered back at him. “I had even indulged in one on occasion, back when I was merely a digital entity with an endless library of knowledge at my disposal,” He modestly explained, “That was only when I found free time on my hands, of course. Not all my hours were spent planning marvelous activities for you, you know.” He gave your cheek an affectionate pat, an amused simper playing at his lips, “True, a ringmaster’s work is never done, but I think I’d be entitled to a little me time every now and again.”

Debbie huffed from her place near the doorway. Clearly she wasn't going to offer much help, and perhaps you couldn't blame her. Getting Caine to do something he didn't want to was like pulling teeth. It had been damn near impossible in the digital circus, and even being the ‘ringmaster's favorite’ was no exception. You sure as hell tried, too, considering how badly you'd wanted to find a way out of that place. 

When you first arrived, you were so desperate to find an exit that not even seducing a computer program was beneath you. It was as scummy as it was pathetic. Only after endless amounts of sweet-talking and one or two or twenty dates had Caine finally taken your hands in his, regretfully admitted that he didn't actually know of any way to leave the circus, and confessed to you the newfound and utterly curious feelings he now possessed. For you and you alone.

And fuck it all, by then you were so completely and utterly captivated that you didn't even care to remember when it first began.

You still felt guilty about the way you'd used him, but maybe - just maybe - you could still use what you'd learned in the process.

Humming to yourself, your shoulder gently brushed Caine’s as you stepped around him, reaching for the bathroom caddy hanging above the toilet. His eyes followed your every move, brows furrowed as you quickly plucked up one of the colorful washcloths and a bottle of soap. Feigning disinterest, you examined the bottle in your hands. Not your favorite brand. Still, you avoided his curious gaze, eyes lazily focused on the soap’s impossible-to-read list of ingredients.

“Tell me, Caine, did you like taking digital baths?”

For a moment, Caine simply shrugged, rocking on his heels as he watched you suspiciously, “To be honest, my star, I would say it wasn't half-bad. Certainly not as wet as the water is here.” He chuckled, “That's the beauty of it, you see? Digital water is nothing more than shaders and some clever rendering on my part - couldn't even drown in it if you wanted to!”

“We did.”

“Deb, please...” You cast a look over your shoulder as the washcloth and soap was placed neatly on the edge of the tub. There was a fluttering in your ribcage, and you tried stifling it with a cough. You couldn’t believe you were doing this. In the bathroom. With your roommate watching. But Caine needed a bath, and right now he was an immovable object. You had to be the unstoppable force. And that called for...

...you not knocking the liquid soap into the tub like a complete and total dumbass. 

You quickly grabbed the bottle and its wayward cap, cringing as the scent of blueberries assaulted your nose. Disgusting, just like the sticky blue goop dripping down the side of your hand to join the pool in the middle of the empty bath.

Still bent over the tub, you shook your head, pounding the anticipation down with an iron fist. Get it to-fucking-gether, girl! You clutched at the rag and wiped your hand clean, and you mustered up enough courage to turn towards the ringmaster.

“You know...taking a bath isn’t as awful as you think,” A sweet and low whisper poured out of your lips, both to Caine’s surprise and your own, “A non-digital bath, that is. Personally, I’ve always enjoyed a nice, hot bath after a long day of work. Would you like to see how soothing it is? I’d be happy to show you...”

The new tone of voice caught Caine's attention immediately. Smooth, silky and dripping like honey. You had used that voice before, and by the surprised look on his face, he most certainly remembered.

The rocking ceased, his fists clenching and unclenching as he stammered. 

“W-well, I...”

“The water isn't too bad once you're used to it. Warm and calming and all too lovely.” A wink caused him to visibly flinch, “You really have no idea how relaxing it is, Caine. To just sit and soak, letting the heat melt the pain away from your aching muscles.” You stepped closer, “And especially after all you’ve been through, I think you deserve some you time tonight.”

Caine stepped back, “I...well, y-you see, my dear-”

“What's the matter, ringmaster? Afraid I won't like what I see?” 

Caine’s nose was just inches away from your own, puffing timid breaths of warm air across your face. His brows had disappeared into his hairline, seemingly frozen as his pupils fought to swallow the color in his eyes. You grinned. Sly hands found the center of his stomach, fingers splaying out along the crisp fabric of his shirt. His muscles were taut, nervous. Like a loaded spring ready to go off. 

For a moment, you allowed yourself to admire his torso. Wide, broad, not unlike the body he used to have. Briefly you wondered if he still liked it when...

Caine's breath hitched sharply as you ran your hands up towards his shoulders, pushing against the firmness of his torso with a pleased chuckle. He clammy hands gripped the sink for support. You breathed out a shaky laugh, breaking eye contact to keep your legs from giving out underneath you. 

Granted, it was pretty dirty and underhanded of you to be toying with him like this. But, after the past few days of being hugged and held and pressed against the wall and licked , you felt it was only fair that he started feeling a little flustered, too. It’s not like you weren’t shaking yourself right now.

You let your fingers dance along his shoulders, tapping their way up the sides of his neck. 

His ears turned a bright red, “S-Starlet...”

“Will you take a bath for me, Caine? It'll be worth it, I promise. I think I might even have a rubber ducky somewhere...” 

He swallowed, “I...”

“Please?”

You bat your eyelashes. Like a friggin’ school girl . You thought you heard Debbie snicker in the background. And then, you heard the sweet sound of Caine’s defeated sigh as his shoulders began to go slack beneath your fingertips. 

A sudden gust of air rushed out of you, followed by a lingering burn in your lungs. When did you stop breathing? You had no fucking idea, and yet you still had it in you to laugh at the scene. Caine’s hypnotized face, Deborah’s barely-muffled giggling, and the fact that you had draped yourself over the ringmaster like a fine linen...it was just like old times. 

You decided to give the big dork a break and stepped back, a wide smile betraying the quivering fingers still resting on his shoulders. You gave them a squeeze before gently smoothing out the front of his shirt. When you reached the top button, a quick pair of gloved hands snatched at your wrists.

“I...” Caine whimpered, the spell broken, “I can do it myself.” He coughed, looking away. “Ragatha showed me how.” 

You nodded, stepping back as he slowly popped his shirt buttons, one by one. That pesky pitter-pattering returned full force as you caught a glimpse of smooth, bare skin peeking out from underneath. He rolled off his shirt and you tore your gaze away, clambering for the stubborn knob on the tub.

“What’s the matter, Beth?” Deborah tittered, “Afraid you won’t like what you see?”

“Stuff it. ” You squeaked, holding your hand under the faucet, waiting for the water to heat up while your face cooled down.

Behind you came the clinking of a belt buckle, before Caine cleared his throat.

“Erm...ah, could you please...not look?”

“Not looking, not looking.” Your eyes shot up to the poorly-tiled ceiling just as you heard the sound of trousers dropping. Blood rushed to your face and you could swear there was thunder in your ears. 

Fuck, what the hell had you acting this way? It wasn’t like you’d never seen a man before!

“Oh, Be-eth!” Debbie teased.

“Not. Looking.” You snipped, though you knew she wasn’t, either.

She snorted, “You’re just adorable.”

You groaned, body rigid as you felt a hot body sneak behind you. Don’t look. Don’t you fucking look.

“Hahhhah- AH! ” Water sloshed around the tub as Caine yelped.

“Caine? Do you need help, hun?” This time it was Debbie who asked, the edge in her voice now gone.

“No! No! Ahah, it’s quite alright, I...ahem...I can do this!”

“Okay...” She murmured, “Just let us know when we can turn around.”

More splashing. 

“Just...just a moment, ladies. I think...alright-y, you can look now!”

Cautiously, ever so cautiously, you allowed yourself a brief glance.

The spilled bubble soap had already formed a nice, thick, blessedly modest lather of pillowy white that floated peacefully atop the steamy bathwater. It was a thankful barrier, shielding Debbie and yourself from any unnecessarily sinful sights. The potent aroma of blueberry and other unpleasant undertones itched at your nostrils, giving you the sudden urge to sneeze. You really needed to talk to Deb about buying less...pungent fragrances.

Caine now sat awkwardly in the bathtub, submerged enough for the fluffy layer of bubbles to cover all but his shoulders. His knees protruded out of the water like two big mountains in a swaying sea of frothy foam. Nothing else was visible, and you couldn’t be more grateful. His arms, bare and glistening with moisture, rested on both sides of the tub.

He was still wearing his gloves.

You weren’t going to pick at it, though. Caine was in the bath. He wasn’t wigging out. Mission accomplished.

A sigh of relief escaped you as you turned to Debbie while Caine allowed himself to sink lower into the bath. 

“Hey, I think our first official group member is still online. You go catch up, I’ll watch the baby.”

“Awfully rude of you, Prima.” You heard from behind.

Debbie rolled her eyes, clapping your shoulder once before she disappeared down the hallway. 

You could only shake your head, a nasty habit of being around the infamous ringmaster for too long, who said nothing as you plopped your butt on the bathroom floor. The side of the tub felt cool, if not a little wet. It slowly sapped the heat from under the crook of your arm, sending a chill up your spine. You propped your elbow on the edge as you sat opposite of Caine, letting the calm and tired lull to slowly wash over your body.

“Here,” A flick of your wrist and the washcloth hit his chest with a wet smack , “Scrub-a-dub, mister.”

He looked at you, scowled, then grabbed the soggy rag. It squelched in his hand as he ran it down his front. His eyes met yours briefly, but his frown only deepened and he sharply turned his head with a huff.

“Hmph. Temptress.” 

You ignored the accusation, “Pretty hard, isn’t it?”

“Taking a bath?”

“Being a human.”

“Oh.” His fingers tapped along the yellowed enamel, just centimeters away from yours, “Perhaps a little...but my dear, dear little star! Your beloved ringmaster may be shaken, but he is far from calling it quits! The show must go on, after all!” His hand twisted in the air once, twice, “Granted, this humble artiste has a lot to learn from this vast, non-digital landscape. Walking everywhere will certainly take some getting used to.” His gloved hand came down to rest atop yours. Two gentle fingers stroked circles into your skin. “But...you’re here, my dazzling dancer. And what is a ringmaster without his amazing assistant? There’s no obstacle we can’t overcome, no plot twist too sudden!”

“Yeah. Right.” A tingle went up your arm as he traced one of your veins, “We still need to talk about that, by the way. You...me...”

“Well, we’ve certainly gone on and on and on about me.” He chuckled, “And while certainly I don’t mind being center-stage, I’m much more interested in you .” 

The bubbles rolled in a gentle wave as Caine leaned closer.

“So tell me, Prima, what has my leading lady been doing all this time?” Nimble fingers danced along your wrist, “Have you captured the minds and hearts of the world with your grace and poise? Enchanting crowds of adoring fans with your breathtaking talent?”

“No. Hell no.” You laughed. Caine looked terribly offended. “Sorry Caine, but you wouldn't catch me dead on a stage. I'm not a performer and I don't want to be.”

“Hm. Then what do you do out here in the real world?”

You shrugged, “Most days? I wake up, go to work, come home, eat, and go to bed.”

“But that's so...so bland. Soulless, even!” Caine sat up straighter, the washcloth disappearing into the bath with a plunk , “Whatever happened to my eager little muse? You used to have so much enthusiasm for all things fun and variety! What changed?”

Life bit me in the ass? “I...couldn't really say, Caine.” A light-hearted smile tugged at your upper lip, “Though I have to admit, things have definitely livened up since you got here.”

"And in the nick of time, too!” He beamed, “From the look of things, you and Ragatha are just dying for a dose of zany tomfoolery, which I am more than happy to provide!”

“Oh jeez, I haven’t even thought of what I’m going to tell Misa.”

“Come again?”

“Oh, Misa. She, well,” You bent a knee up towards your chest, “Ever since we escaped, er, returned to the real world, I wanted to see if we could find the others. Make sure they’re still alive, y’know? Getting back on our feet was chaos for me and Deb. I can only imagine how hard it’s been for everyone else. So I set up a group page on the internet.”

“The inter-what?”

“Nevermind,” There was a painful twinge at your temple at the thought of explaining the world wide web to the former AI. Best to save it for a day when you were less sober. “Think of it as a community hub where people can write to each other. I made something to try and attract anyone who had been in the circus and, well, we just found Gangle.”

“Aha! So that’s what you were doing on the computer!” Caine slapped his knee, “I was wondering what had captured your attention so abruptly. And what a noble mantle you’ve taken up, my sweet! Truly, your limitless compassion and heroic heart astound me to no end!”

“It’s nothing special, Caine.”

“I disagree!” Both gloves hands, soggy and wet, suddenly covered your own, “Why, taking the initiative to make sure everyone from our digital wonderland made it home safe and sound? How utterly selfless, my Starlet!”

“Heh, thanks.”

Caine flashed you one of his more charming smiles, once again focusing back to the hand clasped in his own. There was a strange sense of tranquility that swept over you as the ringmaster continued to admire your arm with a listless fascination. Your head felt heavy and you allowed it to rest against your arm, watching silently as his gloved hands started their way up your forearm, sending a trail of goosebumps in their wake.

His lidded eyes twinkled at the unexpected response, “So, my angelic adventurer, that would be one down and...four circus members to go?”

“Three actually,” You muttered into your skin, “We found Kinger two weeks ago.”

“Fantastic, my dear! And how is the ol’ chattering chess piece?” 

“No idea.” You admitted flatly, “It was hidden on page three of a newspaper - Debbie likes to look at the funny pages - turns out he used to be the CEO of C and A enterprises. One of its founders, actually.” Caine’s brows knitted in confusion. “ Video Game Pioneer Returns After Mysterious Disappearance, Retakes Control from Long-Term Interim ,” You recalled, “Kinger, er, Mr. Kingsleigh...it was all him. Everything. The Digital Circus, us being trapped there, you ...” You huffed out a tired sigh, “The article didn’t go into detail but... he’s the reason we all got stuck there in the first place. He’s the game’s creator.”

Caine fell unusually silent. He removed his hands from your arm, leaving you feeling damp and  cold. They fell into the water at his sides as he stared blankly into his knees.

“So you’re saying Kinger is...my god? ”

“No.” You said quickly, head snapping up, “I mean... fuck , you’re human now. Mr. Kingsleigh - those people - have no say in who you are or what you do now.”

He looked at you again, “And you haven’t tried talking to him using the inter-whatzahoozit?”

“Can’t take the risk,” You shook your head as his hand found yours again, glove now fully saturated with blueberry soap-water, “I know in the circus Kinger was...Kinger. But who knows how much of that was from the game scrambling his mind. For all we know Mr. Kingsleigh is a giant corporate asshole who would sooner shove us into another game to make loads of tax-deductible cash.”

“I see,” Caine nodded in apparent understanding, before he suddenly lifted your hand with his own. He pressed them together, palm to palm, like a collective prayer, before he laced your fingers together with a contented simper. “Well, for now, let’s enjoy the rest of this lovely evening, my dear Prima.”

His gloves were soaked. Debbie would need to change the bandages underneath.

Still, you didn’t stop him or pull away. Instead you hummed, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

“How’s the bath?”

“Better now,” He sighed, leaning back a fraction.

“Ready to get out yet?”

“Mm, in a moment,” He pulled your joined hands closer to his face, pressing the back of your hand against his cheek as his eyes drifted shut, “I must admit, I do enjoy this avatar of yours much better. Not that you weren’t remarkably bewitching before, but this body of yours is...warm. Very soft.”

“Better than a figurine?” You mused. He bobbed his head enthusiastically, giving your hand a tight squeeze before he untangled his fingers from yours. Your knees protested as your stiff body rose from the cold bathroom floor. “Why don’t you dry off and I’ll go get those pajamas we bought you?”

“Ooh, the ones with the kittens on them?”

The childish glee in his voice pulled a laugh out of your throat before you could stop it. You handed him a towel and headed for the hallway, pretending not to notice the wistful expression that followed you out the door.

Debbie nearly collided with you as you turned the corner into the living area, almost immediately turning away to wipe at her flushed face. She tucked her hair behind an ear before turning back to you. Her eyes were red and puffy, cheeks pink and still damp with shed tears.

You leaned against the wall, “So how’s Misa?”

“Good, she’s doing well.” She sniffled, “We...had a lot to talk about. It was nice catching up, though.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Your eyes briefly glanced over at the new computer, “At least she’s in a safe place.”

Debbie nodded, wiping under her eyes again. “She deserves to be.”

She mimicked your position on the wall as your eyes drifted to your feet.

“So you...had a pay cut?”

“Oh, yeah, that.” Her eyes met the wall beside your head, “We’ve been having some staffing issues. Budget cuts. Didn’t get as many grants as we were hoping,” Her eyes met yours and you instantly recognized the reassuring smile she forced on her face, “But I don’t think it’s anything to get anxious about! I already did the math and we can still make all our payments so long as we watch our budget.” 

“I’ll try to get some extra hours here and there. But...you know...Caine...”

“Oh don’t worry about that, hun.” A gentle hand found your shoulder and squeezed, “He needs you right now, I understand that.”

“He needs us both.” You countered, crossing your arms, eyelids starting to feel heavy. Soon you’d have to decide between another cup of coffee or blissful sleep on the cramped couch. “I really couldn’t get through this shit without you, Deb. Caine’s a handful right now, and I have no idea what the future has in store for the three of us, but...thanks. For everything.”

Debbie sniffed again, wiping at her face once more, “T-thanks, Beth. You know, despite everything...I...I think we’ll be okay.”

Caine called you from the bathroom, and you couldn’t help but offer your roommate a warm, hopeful smile.

“Yeah. Fuck yeah. We’re gonna be okay.”