Chapter Text
As a former assassin, Oda was conditioned to immediately sleep when it was safe and wake up at the first break of dawn, or when there were enemies close by – whichever came first.
So, it came as a surprise when his eyes fluttered open after the sun was already shining brightly through the window. Oda blinked up to the ceiling, wondering if he had been drugged to have woken up so late before deciding that that wasn’t possible since he would have been locked in cold, dark room and not in a room filled with warmth and sunlight.
The boy stretched as he sat up straight on the bed, taking his surroundings in. Oda could make out details that couldn’t be seen under the dim lamp at midnight, like the titles on the books in the bookcase and the stack of playing cards next to them.
The couch was empty, but Oda could hear soft mumbling coming from the kitchen, letting him know where the bearded man’s friends were.
–They were an odd pair.– Oda muses as he gets off the bed and began folding the blanket, remembering the strange way the teal-braided boy had introduced himself.
–“At last, we meet, Oda-kun.” The teal-braided boy greeted him with a smile that has a hint of mischief and something enigmatic in it, but his eyes stood sincere against the ex-hitman’s stoic ones. “The name’s Venti with songs to sing in plenty, and this is my little sister, Nahida, a girl whose mind is above the wisest of men. Tell me, Oda-kun, from the mountains high to the rivers wide… did the winds carry you here without strife?”–
Back then, Oda could only nod at the question. He was too busy thinking about how impractical the way of asking about how his journey went was, that a nod has to suffice. If Venti wanted to ask if he didn’t run into trouble during his trip, why not directly say so? Why ask it in such a roundabout way?
Those thoughts took a backseat in his mind when Oda’s nose twitched. A strong smell of fresh rice mixed with mild scent of nutty cheese and ammonia waved in through the air, and Oda recognised the pungent smell as natto.
His stomach growled.
Oda briefly mused that he hadn’t eaten the day before. He had spent that day with reading the last volume of the novel before he packed his stuff and followed the music to here. There was hardly any time to buy a ready-made bento box from a convenience store before he came here.
Like a sailor following a siren’s song, Oda followed the smell to the kitchen where his supposedly teachers were cooking breakfast.
“Ah, you’re finally awake!” A voice shook Oda out of his hunger-induced trance, and his gaze went to the bright aqua-green eyes of the boy by the stove, stirring into a pot. “I guess when the storm has calm down, the wind really does go out.”
Oda tilted his head. There was it again. Venti was twisting his words in such an impractical way that makes the ex-hitman wonder why not directly say ‘I guess you must have been exhausted from yesterday to have slept through the day’. Why say it in such a metaphorical way?
Oda didn’t get long to ponder over Venti’s way of talking as Nahida popped her head out of the fridge and gave him a small smile.
“Good morning.” She greeted while closing the fridge, holding some eggs in her hands. “Breakfast is almost ready. You should brush your teeth before it’s done.”
Oda nodded to greet her back as well as to reply on her suggestion. He was still getting used to having people in his life that weren’t his clients or victims, but actual people, that were either around his age or younger than him, living with him.
Or is he living with them?
–It didn’t matter anyway.– The ex-assassin briefly thought as he went into the bathroom and pick his toothbrush. It was awkward, but not in a bad way where you would expect a trap to be laid in every corner. The awkwardness wasn’t something Oda could explain if was only coming from him or also the other kids, but from his side the awkwardness was the kind that stemmed from not knowing what to do or say.
Venti and Nahida say that they’re his teachers, but teachers don’t live with their student, nor do they cook for them. –Although,– Oda began to brush his teeth while contradicting his earlier thoughts, –technically, I live with them.–
In the end, though, it came down to a fact that nobody does anything without one reason or another.
So, what do they want from him?
Oda got his answer during breakfast when he sat down on the couch before the coffee table with Nahida next to him and Venti on a chair across from them and broke an egg over his rice with natto.
He took the first bite out of his tamago kake gohan, and he couldn’t help the sound of surprise that escape his lips. Oda didn’t know what he expected when he saw breakfast was being made, but it certainly wasn’t this. It wasn’t like the cold curry he got in prison nor was it the explosion of flavour from the ready-made bento boxes in the convenience store.
It was… warm.
“That good, huh?”
Taken out of his bliss, Oda blinked up at the sound of Venti’s voice. The latter was already looking at him with a knowing smile as Oda nodded.
“The food is really amazing, nii-chan.” Nahida voiced what Oda was feeling, and Venti beamed at the compliment from his sister.
“That makes me happy to hear, Nahi! Thank you.”
Oda has never seen two people look so… content with each other.
The auburn-haired boy has gotten all kinds of clients that needed his previous services. Brother, sisters, spouses, parents, children, neighbours, strangers, each and every one of them had needed him in some way or another. All with different, yet with time, familiar reasons – money, inheritance, revenge, hate, subjugation, tampering with evidence, and worst of all, justice.
He had seen siblings against each other for wealth, spouses wanted to kill one another to marry someone else without having to go with a hassle called divorce, children wanting their parents’ money, parents against their children’s freedom and so on and so on.
But these two children, one of them around the same age as him, cared so much about each other and they were kind enough to feed and take him in that Oda find it hard to believe they would need his previous services. Not that he would offer them, he had left that part behind him ever since he finished the last novel. Now, Oda just wanted to move forward. Forward to a future he’ll be excited to.
So, if Venti and Nahida didn’t want the services he left behind, what did they want from him?
It wasn’t as if the thought was something unexpected. No, it was more familiar than that, like asking yourself what you’ll eat for dinner. It was a nonchalant thought, thrown carelessly into his mind, because people that were too nice to an assassin always needed something.
“Is there something wrong, Oda-san?” The boy in question blinked away from his thoughts, blinking at the small girl next to him. “You have been staring at your food for the past five minutes.” There were lines of worry on Nahida’s face as her unique eyes search for an answer in Oda’s.
“You’re my teacher.” The auburn-haired pointed out, instead of answering the question.
The lines of worry turned into amusement, and even though the concern didn’t completely fade away from her face, Oda counted it as a win. Any sadness doesn’t suit her at all.
“That I am.” Nahida replied with a twitch of a smile, dropping her chopsticks in the bowl to give Oda her full attention.
“You shouldn’t be using an ‘san’ when I’m your student.”
“But you’re older than me.”
At that Oda frowns, because that is also true. Why were children either younger or around his age his teachers again?
That thought disappeared when Venti spoke up with a chuckle. “What’s your first name, my dear Oda-kun?”
“Sakunosuke.” The boy answered with a blink.
Venti clicked his tongue, dropping his own chopsticks in the bowl. “That’s too long.” He began tapping his finger to his chin. “Sakunosuke, Sa-ku-no-su-ke… Sakuno-san? Maybe mhm…” Aqua-coloured eyes lit up with an idea, emphasised with a snap of his finger.
“Saku-san! Nahi could call you Saku-san, still formal enough to know you’re older but informal enough to indicate she is your teacher!”
Maybe Oda should’ve said that first names and nicknames are only used by close friends and family. Maybe Oda should’ve insisted on just using his last name without the honorific. But looking in their eyes, eyes full of youthfulness, as if unburdened by the world, yet the glimmer of wisdom telling him that the pair of siblings weren’t that innocent or naïve of the ways of the world.
And despite him starting this conversation first, Oda never saw any importance in names, nor did he know why it was so important to them… but it was and who was Oda to deny them that.
Scooping up some rice in between his chopsticks, Oda answered, “Fine with me,” before he continued to enjoy the food while it lasts.
Both Venti and Nahida seemed to be satisfied with the answer, but they didn’t go back to their breakfast. Oda noticed them glancing at each other before Nahida spoke up again.
“You still haven’t answered my previous question, Saku-san.” She said the nickname carefully, as if testing how it feels on her tongue. “What seems to be troubling you earlier?”
Oda could appreciate the straightforwardness, not beating around the bush, but just asking outright, and he answered it with his own bluntness.
“Do you want me to kill someone?”
It was spoken nonchalantly as if he had spoken about the weather. It caused a silence that wasn’t awkward but more oppressive, as if Oda suggested something that was out of the norm for them.
Nahida recovered more quickly than Venti did, but then again, the girl didn’t seem surprised at the question more… sad. “I thought you left your previous profession behind?”
Oda tilted his head at that, if it wasn’t confirmed before, it is now. These siblings knew about his past job.
“I did, but it doesn’t mean that you don’t want something from me. So, if it’s not assassination, then do you need me to spy on someone? Or get something back for you from an enemy?”
A chair screeched against the flooring, causing the next words stop at the edge of Oda’s lips as Venti stood up.
He didn’t recognise the expression on the musician face. There was a smile, but it was off. Lips too pressed together, as if straining to hold something back, and eyes that were previously bright, now evade everyone’s gaze with a faraway look.
“I need to get some fresh air.”
“Take your breakfast with you.” Came the only reply from Nahida, to which Venti looked grateful at as he grabbed his bowl and his chopstick before going outside.
“It was something I said, wasn’t it?” Oda didn’t look at Nahida, instead he looked at the door where Venti had just left the house.
“Yes.” Nahida bluntly said as she took a bite of her food, before suddenly changing the topic. “What do you know about the Great War, Saku-san?”
“Just about what everyone else knows.” The auburn-haired boy replied, remembering that hard time that made him resort to the underground to survive. He didn’t pay a lot attention to politics, but he did know that the Great War was the cause of suffering to a lot of ability users.
“Nii-chan met a student of a surgeon there, barely getting into her teenage years and already serving in the military.”
Oda blinked at the multitude of implications in the sentence. It wasn’t a surprise to him that someone recruited children into the war. Anyone would do anything to survive, or to win – whichever was their first priority. It was the reason he became an assassin in the first place after all, to survive.
The question was however, why was Venti in the war? He didn’t seem like a person that enjoys violence nor does he seemed to be haunted by the war like most people would be.
“As everyone knows, war isn’t kind to anyone which includes the student surgeon. She has been used for kindness over and over again that she didn’t trust nii-chan when he took care of her during the war.” Nahida continues to explain after she swallowed some tamago kake gohan. “Like you, she couldn’t believe in the kindness coming from nii-chan, too used to the violence in the war.”
“Kindness never did last long in war.” –Nor does it last in the underworld.– Oda quietly thought, his gaze going down to his bowl. He wasn’t saddened, it’s the harsh reality in the end, instead he was more thoughtful. In a way he understands her, he too, is used to the violence when he was doing an assassination, but where the student surgeon had empathy with the soldiers she nursed and saw die in front of her, Oda felt nothing to the people he killed cold-blooded.
No joy, no anger, not sympathy, nor pity.
Just… nothing.
It wasn’t something to be pitied about, if Oda did feel something for his victims, then he wouldn’t done his job right, which meant he wouldn’t have survive as long as he had in the criminal underground. So, really, it was for the best.
That doesn’t mean, it wasn’t tiring.
Oda felt it in his bones, a tiredness that wouldn’t disappear after a bit of sleep. No matter how good or comfortable that sleep is. The exhaustion is still there, growing like a weed around his muscles making a gun heavier and heavier to lift with his hands until the auburn-haired boy sometimes wondered what it would be like if he finally let a bullet hit him, just to chase away this tiredness and get some form of action instead.
Oda was brought out of his mind when a gentle voice agreed and disagreed with his last statement.
“While that might be true in most cases, you’ll find that if you give someone a chance. Someone that you feel safe and secure with. Someone that will not use your kindness against you, instead returning it with full force. That someone will keep your light from turning off, even in the darkest of hours.”
The ex-assassin looked up at the younger girl with the white, woollen hat. Searching for something in the clover-like pupils that even he didn’t know what.
“We don’t want anything, Saku-san.” Nahida continued with a gentleness that made Oda want to search even deeper, for a lie, for a sign that said that everything is fake, that nothing about this is real. “Not your skills, nor your gifts, not your previous occupation, nor your current ability.” Chopsticks were placed back into the bowl as small hands take ahold of one of his, and Oda was still searching. “We just want to help you. Guide you to the path that has your answers, teach you about a world you know so little about and even if you don’t want any of that, we would still stay upon your request. You don’t have to be alone anymore, Saku-san.”
He found nothing.
Nahida’s eyes were as sincere and genuine as they could be, not one slip, not one crack, just a steadfastness and determination in getting her words across to him.
–“You don’t have to be alone anymore, Saku-san.”–
Oda couldn’t remember the last time he wasn’t not alone. Being a freelanced assassin means not only you’ll will have to get used to violence and hostility in the underworld, but also to the loneliness that comes with it. No one trusting you, not being able to trust in return, having to constantly watch your own back as at every corner, every step could be a trap laid by an enemy and to always, always keep in mind that everyone has their own agenda…
It was truly lonesome.
To be offered to not be alone anymore was like a dream that was too far to reach, now too good to be true. How Oda desperately wanted to believe those words, wants to believe in Nahida, but he had been burned to many times to believe that, to believe her.
–“There is no forgiveness in this world. Only retaliation, revenge against those who betrayed you.”–
It was a motto Oda lived by as an assassin, something he said to the silver-haired martial artist a few months ago. It had protected him for so long, being alone as well as his wariness made him survive this entire time as an assassin.
But Oda wasn’t an assassin anymore. He had given that up yesterday when he decided to become a writer. To learn what it means for someone to live and die, that’s why he followed the music to this place, that’s why he decided to meet Venti and Nahida.
Does his saying still have any meaning in this situation?
Does it mean he doesn’t have to keep his guards up to survive? To not be constantly looking over your shoulder, expecting a bullet in your back?
Does this mean he doesn’t have to be alone to be alive?
Oda looked back to the food in his bowl, shoulders barely slumping at the unforgiving realisation that hit him.
Only time will tell.
If Oda wanted answers to any of his questions, to fully dedicate himself to the future he’s barely letting himself dream off, he’ll have to trust it course. He cannot be wary with every lesson, he cannot be questioning their every interaction and most of all, he cannot be continuously doubting their every step.
Oda would have to trust them, every lesson, every interaction, every step, and then let time be its judge of whether or not this is another betrayal or an actual mentorship.
But before he decides to let his heart open, before he decides to trust again, there’s one thing Oda has to know.
“Was that student surgeon able to believe in your brother’s kindness again?”
Nahida smiled, as if she knew Oda was going to ask that. “Within time, yes.” The girl answered. “She didn’t believe that she deserves it, but she did begin to trust that nii-chan’s care was genuine. That his kindness was true.”
Oda nodded at that, and they both went back to their breakfast without saying anything else. Oda didn’t need to know anything else. Maybe later, he would question where that surgeon girl now is, if she had died in the war, but for now, this was enough.
After all, it’s now his turn to trust them.
The wind brought the smell of fresh dewdrops the moment Venti steps onto the porch outside and it was such a similar solace to his home that it made the God’s shoulders slump.
Despite not from the same world, the winds were the same when it came to comforting the one that can understand them.
Venti sighed, hands tensing and untensing their grip on the bowl, as he sat down at the stairs. He didn’t eat, not when he has so many things on his mind.
–“Do you want me to kill someone?”–
Oda is just a child, barely even a teenager, and he already speaks of death like it is nothing. Like it is a fly he is getting rid off. Most kids don’t even have the thought of death and Oda thinks about ending someone’s life like it is breathing.
How can a child be so customising to death that the thought of killing someone isn’t scary, isn’t something unnerving, but instead is just the way to live.
–“Do you want me to kill someone?”–
He sounded so resigned too. As if he knew it was all too good to be true. Venti closed his eyes, seeing the blank expression of Oda’s face before him again, but the Anemo Archon knew how to read people. He knew from over 2600 years of living, how to interpret the different kinds of glint in someone’s eyes.
And in the eyes of Oda screams out exhaustion.
Exhausted of living, tethering on the edge but knowing better to do it on your own, so you’re waiting. Waiting for someone to do the job for you but finding that you’re too skilled that nobody stands a chance. So, instead, you continue to stand on a tightrope, waiting for even the smallest outside force to finally make you lose your balance.
It reminded Venti too much of another child.
Another child who had the same tired eyes as Oda.
Another child who lost her innocence the moment she stepped into a fight between adults.
Another child whose own kindness became too much to bear for even herself.
–“Then please kill me.”–
Venti’s jaw clenched at those words. A child who was fed up with waiting and had outright asked him to kill her. A child that was even younger than Oda when she asked.
Yosano has been on that edge and Venti could do nothing but watch her try to take her fate in her own hands. If the soldiers didn’t saw her with the bombs… If Yosano had continued on with her plan…
Then…
Then…
Something brushes against his legs, taking the Anemo Archon out of his thoughts, and causing aqua-green eyes to snap open at the soft, almost silky, feeling, only to meet a pair of brown eyes. Venti blinked at the calico cat in front of him, and without a thought, a soft smile began to form on lips at the sight of his friend.
“Why, hello, dear cat-san!” The teal-braided boy tried to greet with his usual cheer, but it was subdued by his earlier thoughts. Something that didn’t go unnoticed by Natsume as Venti’s fingers coming to scratch the cat’s chin.
“I thought you already left after you brought Oda-kun here.” Venti continued to speak, and Natsume purred as an answer, enjoying the feeling of his friend’s fingers under his chin when it suddenly stopped.
The calico cat meowed in question, blinking up to see the frown on Venti’s face as a thought had come up to the boy.
“Don’t tell me you stayed all night outside.”
Natsume didn’t say anything, merely moving his tail left and right, which gave Venti the answer.
“Cat-san!” Venti exclaimed with a mix of exasperation and worry as he began to scold his friend. “I know spring is coming, but it is still freezing cold at night. You could’ve come inside, Nahi and Oda-kun wouldn’t have minded, I’m sure.” Venti looked at Natsume a bit closer, his tongue clicking at what he had found. “You haven’t eaten anything yet either, have you?”
Again, Natsume didn’t answer, but the amused glint in the brown eyes did spoke of a million words.
The teal-braided boy sighed, placing the bowl with his portion of the tamago kake gohan beside him and gestured to Natsume to have it.
“Come on, none of my friends will go hungry if I have anything to say about it.”
The amusement didn’t seem to go away as Natsume sniffed at the natto with rice mixed with egg before taking a confident bite out of the food, familiar with his friend’s cooking skills.
Venti watched as Natsume in his cat-form began to eat. Did Nahida know of Natsume being outside? Is that why she made him bring his breakfast outside? If so, then she must’ve realised that Natsume had been out the entire night… Why hasn’t she brought him inside then? Venti frowned at his own question. Nahida wasn’t cruel, the farthest thing from it, so the only explanation was that Nahida felt Natsume’s presence when they were cooking.
But, if that’s the case, then why didn’t he feel anything?
Venti looked more closely at the ability user. Natsume’s aura is pretty strong, if not, the strongest he and Nahida had come across in this world. It was subdued when he was a human, but when he used his skill or as a cat…
He should’ve felt it.
Even if the God didn’t feel it, then the winds would’ve warned him.
While the winds of this world behaves more like mischievous children that leaves information out if the Anemo Archon didn’t specifically ask for it, they would normally warn him of anything new or dangerous approaching or being near his and Nahida’s vicinity.
Then again, Natsume was neither or those things. The man was his friend, and the winds had told him that Natsume was approaching the house with Oda…
…
Venti barely held in a facepalm at his own ignorance.
The winds had told him about Natsume and Oda last night, they just left out the fact that Natsume never left the front porch even after Oda went inside, and since he and Nahida were busy trying to accommodate the young ex-assassin, they had thought that Natsume had already left.
–Well, at least it answers the question why me and Nahi didn’t feel Natsume-san’s presence much earlier. We were distracted by Oda.– A pang went through his metaphorical heart as Venti thought of the boy he left at breakfast with Nahida, and without meaning to, his thoughts went back to the beginning.
Yosano was someone he could barely save in time, and even then, too much damage was done. Yosano had tried to take her own life by blowing up the ship.
Whether or not she failed didn’t matter, what matters is that Venti knows that he can’t save someone that don’t want to be saved or don’t think they deserve to be saved.
Oda was living on the edge, trying to turn over a page to see if he could do more, could become something more. However, Venti could see the insecurities just below the exhaustion, the doubts that he could learn about a human’s life and death, the apprehension that he could really become a writer.
What would happen if those thoughts were proven right to Oda?
What would Oda do if he convinced himself that he is nothing more but the red on his hands?
Venti was taken out of his thoughts when he could feel something brushing against his leg. Looking down, the God of Freedom met the worried eyes of Natsume, who was bumping his head on Venti’s shin to get his attention.
Venti smiled. However, it was neither joyful nor cheeky, and Natsume meowed a question in concern of his friend’s odd behaviour while the said friend reached out to stroke the cat’s fur, noting in slight satisfaction that Natsume had left the bowl empty aside from the chopsticks.
“It’s nothing, cat-san. Just wanted to get some fresh air.” The bard replied, having perfectly understood the feline’s tongue. The cat in question didn’t look impressed at the answer and meowed again as if to say that Venti should try again.
The smile of the Archon became more genuine at what Natsume said, chuckling lightly despite the heaviness that weighs on his mind.
“Not even the wind can escape your sharp gaze, can they, dear friend?” Venti joked, before sighing and turned his gaze from his friend to the distance as if to gather his thoughts. Natsume came to sit beside the bard on the stairs, before following Venti’s gaze to also stare into the distance, as he waited for his teal-braided friend to break the silence.
“Oda-kun has been an assassin for a long time, hasn’t he?” It was a rhetorical question, and other then a sweep of his tail, Natsume said nothing as not a moment later, Venti continued. “It was clear with the way he carried himself, but it became even more clear when we had breakfast with each other for the first time.”
Venti sighed again. “I’m worried, cat-san.”
Natsume looks at his friend, but the bard kept his eyes on the horizon, where the sun cast shadows on the houses on the other end of the street. “Oda-kun sees the moon against the black sky but doesn’t understand the beauty of it. He feels the sun on his skin but doesn’t understand the warmth from it. He hears the stars sing, but it doesn’t reach his heart. He is innocent, naïve in a way that he doesn’t understand how assassinating people has slowly spread into his mind like poison, influencing his every move, his every thought, his very being. He thinks he can wield death and stay untouched by it, but he doesn’t realise that with every murder, every assassination, he loses something. Something you can’t always name, but you can feel it missing when the world goes quiet.”
Venti broke his gaze of from the horizon to his own hands, where the red stained like a harsh reminder of all the innocents, he had to kill so that millions of others could live. Red that flowed from Amos’ body, where the spear of Decarabian’s winds had burrowed itself deep into her body, where he was too late to stop it. Too late to stop the red that kept on coming, more, and more, and more, and so, even before the sun has peaked out from behind the clouds of the storm, the light has already been dimmed in his friend’s eyes.
It was first time he understood what it means to lose someone you care about.
The first time he realises how fragile a mortal life could be.
The first time he lost his own innocence.
Venti had thought that after the rebellion he could gift his friend a bird feather he had found and they fulfill their dream to explore the world outside the storm, to see the birds soar in the sky, to see the sunrise and sundown, to see the moon dancing with the stars… Venti had thought that they could spent more time with their friends… He was truly naïve back then, an idiot even, to think that everything will be alright.
But maybe that is what innocence really is… believing you can walk through the storm and still keep your heart dry.
But it never stays dry, and Oda has yet to realise that he isn’t as unaffected from his previous job as he like to believe he is, that every time he kills someone, it leaves a mark a mark behind. A mark, that takes his humanity piece by piece, until it leaves a hollow shell of person, a child, that justified killing as a mean to survive, when it was just a way to find a reason to live.
He has yet to understand that the wounds are there, bleeding and begging for the auburn-haired boy to see and recognise them being there, but he won’t, not until they begin to scar. Then the pain will become too unbearable, forcing Oda to pry them open and stitch them the right way, where he acknowledges the true lost of innocence.
But if that would really happen?
If, whether or not, Oda will realise the trauma he gained?
If Oda were to finally understand that not every person that every person that offers kindness doesn’t have a blade hidden underneath it?
If Oda will let himself believe he deserve to heal?
“And maybe that’s what I’m afraid of.” Venti murmured out loud. Natsume, having had moved his head back to the horizon when the teal-braided boy was lost in thoughts, now turned back to see that his friend’s thoughtful expression has tilted up from his hands towards the blue sky. “Not that he’ll fall back to killing people, but that he’ll never let himself believe he deserves to stop.”
Because that’s the crucial fact of them all. If Oda doesn’t believe in himself, if Oda let the doubts and insecurities reign in his head, if he doesn’t think he deserve to become a writer then no matter what he and Nahida might teach him, everything will be futile.
Wanting to become to become a writer, and thinking they deserve it too, are two different things after all.
One can want to become something but that doesn’t mean they deserve it too, likewise one can think they deserve to become ‘something’, but that doesn’t mean they want it too. You need to want it and believe you can deserve it too, if you want to succeed. Otherwise, doubts will cloud your mind, insecurities will keep you from breathing until slowly but surely, you stop doing what you want and start listening to the voices inside your head.
Venti was snapped out of his thoughts once more when Natsume sprang into his lap. Having the attention of the bard, the cat began to let out a series of ‘meows’ as Venti stroke the ability user’s fur with rapt attention as if understanding what Natsume was saying in his cat-form.
Finally, the silent fall between them when Natsume was finally done talking and Venti looked into the brown eyes of his friend, finally nodding. “I suppose you’re right, my friend. I can sit here and let myself drown in the storm of worry and what if’s or I can go back inside, start with Oda’s lessons and see where this journey might take us.” Natsume’s tail flicked as a pleased expression washed over his feline features, purring slightly when Venti scratched the back of his ears, but still listening when his friend continued to talk.
“After all, only time will tell if Oda-kun will let himself trust us, let himself heal. But until then, I should continue to show him that me and Nahi don’t have any other hidden attention, that we just want to help him find his way into this new world he stepped into.”
The wind rushes forward, gently caressing the bard’s teal braids and the cat’s multi-coloured fur while the sun continued to go upwards, letting the light shine upon the duo seated on the stairs of the porch as if trying to remove any lingering concern Venti might have.
But the tides have calmed down, and the ropes around his heart has loosened it’s hold, the more the God of Freedom had talked to his friend.
For a while they didn’t say anything else, Natsume settled on Venti’s lap, letting the teal-braided boy stroke his fur for a bit longer as they watch the clouds come and go from above them.
“Thank you, my dear friend.” The bard finally said, not looking away from the pillows of white in the sky nor stopping his hand from moving over the cat’s fur, to the latter’s delight as he purred an answer.
“Always, Venti-kun.”
The front door open as Oda and Nahida were almost done cleaning the dishes. Venti’s cheery “Yahoo” greeted them at the back before his head popped into the kitchen. From when the teal-braided boy left with a too tight expression, his face was now relaxed with a huge grin on his face.
Who knew some fresh air can change a whole character?
“It’s good to see you again, nii-chan.” Came Nahida response where she was washing the dishes and giving them to Oda to dry. “Did you bring back your bowl?”
Venti came up beside Nahida, giving her the empty bowl. “I should be offended that you even had to ask, Nahi.”
The girl said nothing as she accepted the bowl, instead Oda’s noticed a questioning gaze in her eyes as they met the aqua-green ones of her brother. The smile Venti gave her seem to answer the question she has as she nodded to herself in self-satisfaction.
“Me and Oda had talked while you were gone.” Nahida began, startling Oda when she spoke of him. “He has decided to trust us that we don’t want anything from him.”
“Oh? Did he now?” Venti raised an eyebrow, but he wasn’t looking at Nahida, instead his eyes were on Oda and the boy tentatively nodded back.
“I have realised that if I don’t let myself trust you then sooner or later this won’t work.” He said bluntly, not seeing the point in lying to either of them.
It seems like it was the right thing to say too, as Venti throws his head back to laugh before wrapping an arm around Oda’s shoulders. “So, you have decided to let time be its judge on the path you have chosen to follow. That’s a step in the right direction, I would say.”
Oda blinked. He had noticed before, but the older boy does not have any personal boundary, does he?
Hugging his sister, letting her lean on him, casual brushes of the hand against her back or just a pat on the head. The teal-braided boy does not hold his affections back, but… as implied, they were all towards his sister.
Was it that Oda said he would trust them that made Venti throw away the personal space between them too?
Or was it just a matter of time before the casual touches would start, and the fact that Oda had said that he would trust them, had only quickened the process?
Whatever the answer might be, Venti was clearly not afraid of him despite knowing Oda could kill the boy in ten seconds or less. Not that he will, he swore off killing after all. He isn’t a freelance hitman anymore.
Now, if only he could trust that too.
“Now that trust is established, we should start on your journey, Oda-kun. What do you say?” The teal-braided boy didn’t wait for any answer as he moved his hand from Oda’s shoulders to his elbow and dragged him towards the couch.
Oda didn’t hesitate as he sat on the couch. Briefly wondering what the boy had come up with while being outside or if he and Nahida had already planned this before he woke up.
Speaking of the young girl, Nahida came before Oda placing a pen and paper before him on the coffee table, where they just had breakfast. –Probably the latter then.– Oda answered himself on his previous musings.
“However, before we can help you take a first leap into the sky” Venti began, giving a grateful nod to Nahida once she stood beside him before he turned his attention back at Oda, “we’ve to assess which feathers has fallen from your wings and how much, so that we can decide on what is the best path is to take that could help you regrow new feathers next to the old ones.”
Oda blinked at the teal-braided boy, trying to follow his manner of speech. –Leap into the sky… feathers fallen… wings?– Flowery words that hides the actual meanings into a more poetical song that don’t make a lot of sense to Oda.
He knows that most authors use figurative speech to get a character’s point or their thoughts across, but it’s more difficult to understand a figurative speech when it’s actual spoken than when you read it from a book and can reread it again and again until you finally understand what it means with the provided context of the story surrounding the figurativeness.
Here, Oda can only churn the words in his head, trying to dissect it and place them with a meaning that makes sense with the whole situation surrounding him. But no matter how many times Oda tried to make sense of Venti’s words, he can only come up with that they won’t start teaching him yet.
Nahida seems to notice his confusion in between the blank blinks towards Venti and takes pity on Oda as she provides him the explanation he had been missing.
“What nii-chan mean,” Nahida’s soft voice took Oda out of his racing thoughts and his dark brown eyes rested on the little girl with the woollen hat, “is that we can’t start with our first lesson when we don’t know what your needs are. We know that you want to know about life and death of a human. We know that you want to become a writer. We know you quit your previous job to reach your goal. What we don’t know if you know the beauty that can be found in a dewdrop on a leaf. We don’t know if you can find a meaning in an empty glass. We don’t know if you can find life when you have only known death.”
And well, what could he say to that? Oda didn’t even know if he has the answers himself, and it seems like he didn’t have to as Venti took over.
“Exactly, which is why we decide to find the answer by giving you a small assignment.” The teal-braided boy pointed towards the blank piece of paper and pen on the coffee table before him.
“You will have to write a story.”
Oda’s thoughts abruptly came to a halt. Looking in between the siblings before he looked down at the white sheet of paper then at the siblings again and back to the coffee table.
Either his teachers didn’t notice his surprise, or they were not mentioning it, whatever it was, Venti continued talking like he didn’t drop biggest task Oda has ever gotten.
“Of course, it doesn’t have to be perfect nor does it have to be finished either. After all, an unfinished story is a life still being told, with possibilities still ahead of us, letting the readers use their imagination on how the story will end.”
“Nii-chan.” Nahida interrupted with a slight smile to her brother, who looked sheepishly back at her, realising he was trailing off from the point.
“Right… My apologies.” Venti scratches his throat before he gets to the point. “The point is that you have the free reign to write what you want. Will it be how the flower blooms in the spring, the sound of the wind through a forest or the smell of the snow on a mountain. It is all up to you. The only thing we ask of you is to write something.”
Oda stayed silent, churning the words through his head as he looked between Nahida and Venti once again. Both of them looking expectantly, but kindly back as he reached for the pen.
“So, I’ll just have to write a story?” Oda asked them, and although he had heard Venti loud and clear, he still wanted to make sure that is what they wanted from him.
A slight amused reached both of their eyes, and with both of them nodding at him, Oda looked at paper on the coffee table with an unwavering stare.
The paper was white. White like the snow fallen on winter day. White like the ghost following him. Hauntingly white like one wrong smudge could ruin the whole clean sheet. No, like one wrong smudge can ruin the clean sheet.
Oda gripped the pen unnoticeably harder in his hand.
It grounded him, letting him know where he is and what he is supposed to do. Taking a deep breath, he shook his thoughts of the whiteness of the paper away before letting the pen hover above it. He began to rack his brain on what to write, staring hard at the small table.
He just has to write something. Something about… something about…
Oda didn’t know.
No matter how much he thought about it, no matter how much he let his mind race over the themes he could write. It always came up empty, unfulfilled, just not right.
Oda sighed, setting the pen down.
“What’s wrong, Saku-san?” Nahida’s kind voice was still in the room, but it was further away then before. Oda looked up to see her and Venti sitting on the bed, the latter had his eyes closed as he picked on the strings of his lyre that Oda didn’t notice him getting from somewhere. But, then again, he didn’t notice the siblings migrating to the bed either.
“I don’t know what to write.” Oda answered her question, his eyes trying to convey the words his mouth won’t speak.
“Well, that certainly won’t do.” Came Venti’s playful in between, his eyes suddenly open as his hand rested on the strings of his lyre. “But where one road stops another lies open.”
Nahida nodded at his brother’s words, understanding where he’s getting at. “We could give you a topic to write about. Do you think that would help, Saku-san?”
Oda frowned as he thought the offer over in his head, finally nodding in agreement. “It will help me to at least get an idea on what to write.”
“That’s the spirit!” Venti cheered. “And since Nahi suggested it in the first place, she should be the one to give you a topic.”
The aforementioned girl raised an eyebrow at her brother in slight amusement but said nothing as she turned towards Oda with a thoughtful look on her face.
“Well, before we met you, Saku-san, before we even settled in Yokohama… me and nii-chan travelled a lot with another boy around your age. Someone who we consider our brother.”
There was something about the way she said ‘brother’… Something that made Oda all too aware of how little he knows about the pair of siblings and yet, he didn’t want to pry any further too. Despite feeling the story that dangles on the word alone. Despite wondering where this ‘brother’ might be.
Oda didn’t want to pry. Because if he did then he is afraid that he would open a can of worms that he can’t take back anymore. Because while he might trust the siblings, he is not sure if he’s ready for that kind of closeness just yet.
He isn’t being a coward nor is he scared. Oda is, however, cautious. He trusts the siblings that they will teach him about the meaning of life and death, but he is still wary enough to not open his heart to two strangers he just met last night… still careful enough to not let them do the same.
It’s not like he got the time to pry anyway as Nahida continued. “We have seen and stayed at so many beautiful places, made so many memories that I honestly couldn’t even pick a favourite.”
There was a small smile on the young girl’s face, something that’s between a quiet nostalgia and a gentle reminiscence. It made Oda feel like he’s on the shore, his feet stuck on the ground with his toes between the sand as he watches a ship drift away.
A ship he was supposed to be on.
And he watches as people began to mingle with each other, laughing, hugging and just happy with each other. While he is still on the shore, alone and just continues to watch and watch and watch.
“However, there is this one moment.” Nahida’s high-pitched voice came in, bringing Oda back to the conversation before him. “One moment in between our journey to Yokohama that never fail to put a smile on my face.”
“And what might be ‘this moment’ be, little sis?” Venti asked, but judging his smile, the teal-braided boy already knows and with Nahida’s amused eyes, it only confirms it.
“Patience, nii-chan.” She slightly chastises older boy but answers, nonetheless. “Me and my two brothers had stop to rest from walking all morning. We decided to have our lunch in a park where the flowers were just beginning to bloom, and sun seem to be extra bright that day. Me and nii-san were bickering while Venti-nii was watching us fight like we were his entertainment.” The girl exasperatedly said to which Venti only grinned back.
“The moment was perfect. One that I wished lasted a little bit longer.” Nahida said with a wistful tone in her voice, the longing clear in her eyes but as Venti wrapped an arm around his sister with his eyes oozing out his concern, the girl just gives him a tentative smile back while she leaned into him. Nahida shook out of the memory as her attention went back to Oda, who had listened carefully and thoughtfully at every single word the girl has uttered, wondering where this was going.
He didn’t have to ponder for long.
“So, my topic for you, Saku-san, is to describe a moment that you would have wished last a little bit longer.”
Oda didn’t know what he expected to come out of Nahida’s mouth, but he wasn’t surprised at the topic given as it seems like something Nahida would have asked in her wisdom far too old for a child. What he was surprised at, was the way she worded the sentence.
–“…describe a moment that you would have wished lasted a little bit longer.”–
If Nahida wanted him to describe a moment from his memory that he wished lasted longer than she would have worded something along the lines of “…describe a moment that you wished lasted a little bit longer.”
By adding would have Nahida didn’t wanted him to choose a memory, not that he could have either as his earliest memories are the ones of his assassinations and he didn’t want them to last any longer than necessary, but the girl with the woollen hat wanted Oda to create a moment from his mind that he probably wants to last longer if it were reality.
Giving Nahida a nod to let her know he understood her message, Oda’s focus went back to the paper in front of him. So, he just needed to describe a moment that he would wish existed and made him want to last longer. That should be doable.
And yet, as Oda draw the pen nearer to the too white paper, his face became more and more unreadable, he finds himself short on the words he’s supposed to write.
After all, how do you write something you never experience before?
For as long as Oda could remember, his life has only known the hardship of a freelanced hitman. Bloodshed for survival. Killing in exchange for money. It doesn’t let anyone linger on a scene that could make one feel anything. It doesn’t let hope flicker as it will only die again at the next kill, next assassination. One just had to keep going, and going, and going until they either begin to enjoy it or they don’t feel anything anymore.
Oda falls in the latter group. With how much he had killed, he doesn’t feel anything anymore. He sleeps under the trees as it will protect him from enemies finding him or the elements hitting him. He watches the stars for their guidance out of enemy territory. He notices the moon so that he makes sure he stays in the shadows as he kills. He feels the sunlight and takes it as a sign to wake up and keep going.
How does it feel when someone takes the time to appreciate their surroundings? How does it feel when you do something as mundane as walking through a park or feeding the birds? Feeling some kind of peacefulness wash over you as you take your time to be grateful for your life?
How does that moment feel when you wish it would last a little bit longer?
Because Oda, even in the safety of his own mind, can never come up with a scenario where he would ever feel that way… since he had never even felt that imaginary scenario in the first place.
So, with the pen still hovering above the paper, Oda continuously tries to create a moment he would have wished last longer, only to draw up blank.
Every.
Single.
Time.
Oda didn’t know how long he sat there, in the same position with the same unreadable expression, but he did know when someone has taken out of his empty head by placing their hand on top of his hand holding the pen. The auburn-haired boy blinked, as if awoken from a trance, and looked up to see both Nahida and Venti standing behind the table with matching smiles of kindness.
“Careful now, my dear stardust, we don’t want you to burn yourself out before you even started. You will break the pen if you continue gripping that hard.” Venti playfully said while he continued to hold his hand over the table.
The sun stood higher than it was before, letting its light fall into the room causing the back of the pair of siblings to light up as if they were angels send down from the heavens to help Oda as his personal guardians.
And if Oda were a follower of the divine, he might have believed it too.
“Sorry.” The boy belatedly mumbled, letting Venti take the pen out of his hand and placing it beside the too white paper.
Neither Nahida nor Venti mentions the slight tremble in Oda’s hand when he put the pen down nor did they say anything about the way brown eyes didn’t look into theirs or about the small, barely noticeable breath of air escaping Oda’s lips.
And Oda let himself loose control for just a moment. Just a second of letting himself grief over not being able to do the task given by his kind teachers. Before he took the reigns over his body back and locked his emotions behind a heavily guarded box, never to be seen again.
“Can you tell us what happened, Saku-san?” Nahida asked when Oda met their eyes once again. The girl has moved from standing behind the table to sitting beside him on the couch.
“I couldn’t write.” Oda said the obvious and from silence that rang around the room it may have been too obvious. But he couldn’t explain it in any way else. How does he explain the way his mind goes empty at the sight of the sheer whiteness of the sheet of paper… How can he explain he doesn’t know the feeling of wanting a moment to last longer.
“I just… couldn’t write.” The boy repeated when the silence continued, staring unblinking at Nahida to try and make her understand, because she always seems to understand what he can’t, couldn’t, say.
Fortunately, Nahida didn’t disappoint as she looks back at Oda with those green eyes with unique clover-like pupils before moving them to meet Venti’s.
The older boy made an understanding hum before he whispered to himself, “It’s like a candle not allowing itself it light up after causing the house to burn down,” and if the room wasn’t so quiet, Oda would have never picked up those mumbled words.
Oda didn’t get a lot of time to ponder about the meaning of the quiet sentence when Venti clapped his hands together to gather the attention from both him and Nahida, as if they didn’t have their eyes on him this entire time.
“But even with a blank page, it helps us a lot to figure out where to start with your journey, Oda-kun.” Venti said as walk towards the front door to Oda’s confusion and it grows even more when Nahida stood up and head towards her older brother.
When they noticed Oda not joining them, they simultaneously turn around to see him still seated on the couch.
“Are you coming, Saku-san?” Nahida’s gentle voice wrapped around him, pulling Oda out of his hesitation as he stood up to follow them out.
However, before they could leave the house, Oda spoke up about his confusion. “Where are we going?”
Venti and Nahida looked at each other, their eyes speaking of words Oda didn’t understand yet he did notice the mischievous glint in teal-braided boy’s eyes as he opened the door with a cryptic grin reminiscent on how Oda first met Venti.
“Where do you think, stardust? Towards your first lesson, of course!”