Chapter Text
Another day, another fucking meeting.
Albert Kingman’s tragic death, which Tim has not looked into for the sake of his health, has resulted in a lot of board meetings. To fill the vacuum left by his sudden departure, and the positions left vacant by that switch, and while they’re changing things up, they might as well just reconsider everyone’s position while they’re here, and Dora The Liaison with LexCorp has some thoughts and she’s made a Powerpoint -
Anyway. Long story short, Tim sends out a quick text on his smartwatch, and the elevator doors slide open before Dora The-Liaison-with-LexCorp can even reach Slide 12, to reveal a petrified security guard and a familiar red helmet.
“I’m only here for one of you,” Hood says, voice crackling through the modulator. From the floor, Mr. Smith-Harguson makes a high-pitched noise.
“Could we maybe do this some other time,” Tim says, because he has to play the damn part, has to put up his token resistance. The board members stare at him like he’s grown a second head.
“Not that I’m not appreciative,” Tim continues. “Really. I’m sure a lot of effort went into this scheme. But a lot of effort also went into scheduling this board meeting, soooo - “
“Shut the fuck up,” Hood snarls, slamming his fist against the table.
Someone whimpers. Someone swallows. Someone shuffles with a slight crinkle of paper.
Someone crashes through the window.
Everyone turns to look, Hood swinging around and pointing his gun at the newcomer, and Tim can see the moment his grip falters, just for a fraction of a second, because it’s -
“Batman?” Tim says.
Batman stares at him, which is when he remembers that he’s supposed to be getting kidnapped. Tim coughs and tries again. “Batman! You’re here to save us!”
Judson Hall of the Environmental Impact Advisory Committee moves his hands behind his back, just enough so that Tim can see it. Just enough for Tim to notice the small button flashing in his cufflink. Which, fucking bless the man, he’s wonderfully enacted the Tim Drake Kidnapping Protocol, Tim needs to give him a pay raise effective immediately. The whole thing works great, alerting the GCPD the moment a hostile enters any of their buildings.
…Except when Tim has elaborately built a situation based on a fake hostile fake-kidnapping him.
“Put down the gun, Hood,” Batman says, because apparently he’s gotten his shit together faster than the rest of them.
“...No can do, big guy,” Hood says. “I have my orders not to leave here without the Drake kid.” There’s a little upturn to the end of the sentence even through the modulator, like Jason’s not quite sure how to play it from here. Like he’s waiting for Tim to give him his next line.
Unfortunately for both of them, Tim’s not sure, either. Will they let him out of the meeting for an attempted kidnapping, or will they consider it their sovereign duty to make sure business goes on as usual in the face of such reprobate behavior?
Fuck, definitely the latter.
Batman takes a step forward. Hood takes a step back. Tim looks between them, and -
Another window bursts open. Several of the board members shriek with terror, this time. Inwardly, Tim laments the amount he’s going to have to upcharge the facility repairs budget this month.
“No one told me we were having a party,” Nightwing says, standing there in what Tim definitely recognizes as an embarrassed stance. “Little upset I wasn’t invited, if I’m being honest.”
Tim blinks once. Twice.
“Nightwing!” Tim says, launching himself into Nightwing’s arms. Dick catches him, easy muscle memory kicking in, and Tim fake-sobs against his shoulder as he whispers into his ear, “Fucking get me out of here take me out of the fucking window grapple me out of here, give me the fucking comm link - “
“I won’t let you escape,” Batman is saying, which both Tim and Jason must take to mean that that’s exactly what the plan is, because Hood launches himself towards the doorway and takes off at a sprint. Batman gives chase, and then it’s just Tim in Nightwing’s arms, in front of a room of his baffled, terrified business associates.
Nightwing opens his mouth. Closes it. Opens it again.
“Well then,” he says. And then he drops Tim flat on his ass and jumps out the window, the goddamn coward.
A long moment of silence passes.
Slowly, everyone gets to their feet. Tim pages someone to come and clean the glass from the two shattered windows, makes a mental note to fix the budget for that before he goes home.
Speaking of which -
“I think,” Dora The-Liaison-with-LexCorp says stoically, “we should consider it our sovereign duty to make sure business goes on as usual in the face of such reprobate behavior.”
Jesus Christ, Tim thinks.
—
From: Jason, To: Tim
tim get me OUTTA here
code purple. it’s bad
the gala?
yes
its just. this suit is too tight all these people fuckn suck
b isn’t here to ward off the vultures
idc what send alf over. claim that our aunt has been struck by lightning. if i leave without a real good excuse the press is going to be all over it
open to the press? ew
yes i’ve been trying to get clark’s eye for like ten minutes but he’s on his phone and he own’t look up
okie
i’ll be there in 15. camp out by the hors d'oeuvres
i owe you one
you always do
actually nvm i’ll just throw myself into the chocolate fountain
okay and i will get all 103 articles about it framed
From: Red Robin!!!!! <3, To: Marco, Samiyah
hey
i need a favor
From: Jason, To: Tim
are
are your goons on comms using their REAL NAMES
ARE YOUR RED HOOD ORG EMAIL ADDRESSES FIRST NAME PERIOD LAST NAME?????????
REAL LEGAL NAMES??????????????????????????????????????????????
uh
JESUS CHRIST. BE THERE IN FIVE
From: Tim, To: little freak they
i am going to crash the gala
do not be alarmed
I am going to start a petition for you to be euthanized.
It is the humane option.
From: Clark 🤓, To: Bruce
Yeah. Candace Johnston keeps trying to touch my ass
She thinks she is being discreet
She is NOT being discreet
Not even as like a Superman thing. She is telegraphing it from a mile away
I meant important updates, Clark.
This IS important
My ass is in danger
An ass that has inspired millions
Please stop sending me messages about your ass. This is a secure line.
What, am I supposed to send you messages about my ass on a line that ISN’T secure
I think y
Hold on
Clark?
Clark.
You have sixty seconds before I call in Diana.
No
We are good
Let me paint a word picture for you here Bruce
Jason Todd and Damian Wayne are very valiantly doing PR for you
Oh, God.
No no
They’re doing fine actually
Well. Relatively. Damian is giving their spiel against ‘vegan’ leather
I think they quoted my article…
Clark. Focus.
Right yes
Well uh
I heard a single gunshot from outside
And I think
Kent.
Everyone is fine
Let me paint you the word picture
Jason is staring at the window like a cat with a beetle
He has three different tapas in his hand and he looks very uncomfortable
He should have just come and talked to me! Anyway
Someone is rustl- Oh
Red Hood is here
???
Red Hood is demanding that Jason Todd be given over
CLARK.
For ransom
Damian has their head in their hands
The lady next to them is patting them because she thinks they’re young and scared
I think they’re trying to hide that they are cry laughing
WHO IS IN THE SUIT.
Either Tim or Steph
Oh NVM it’s Tim for sure
It does not fit at ALL. In a bad way. People are noticing
I am going to ground them forever.
I don’t care that they’ve both moved out. Forever.
Hood has a gun to Jason’s head and they’re easing out the back door
Looks like a water gun
I think Tim just tripped over the pants but he made a good recovery
I owe them both a solid though
Candace Johnston is def too distracted now to think about my ass
From: Jason 📚, To: Bruce
whatever uncle clark is telling you he is LYING
superman is a FILTHY LIAR