Chapter Text
I was 21 when I attempted to take my own life… I had decided it was best if I died. I was a burden on my brother and thought he wouldn’t care if I was dead…but I was wrong…I was so so wrong…
I remember taking the pills…three full bottles of them somehow left me alive long enough to see my brother enter my room in a panic… I had barely remembered leaving that note on the fridge. Papyrus had sprinted over to me and had fallen to his knees next to me, before he frantically took me into his arms.
“SANS! CAN YOU HEAR ME!?!”He sounded panicked as tears welled up in his eyes. He held me close to his chest just enough that I could feel the pulses his soul gave off.
I didn’t respond…I couldn't, every cell of my body felt weak and heavy…my eyes were barely “open” (aka my eyelights were gone but I was able to see a blur of the things around me).
“SANS, HEY HEY, CAN YOU SAY SOMETHING? Please…” He spoke with sheer panic and regret… he held me and his soul let off a powerful aura of healing magic that barely kept my soul from shattering…
I had remembered a time I learned about overdose in monsters… it works differently from humans, monsters are made of magic and so are the things they overdose on, meaning it can’t be cleared out of their systems without time…
“Sans… please, talk to me.. Can you hear me..?” it was at this time that my barely conscious self was able to notice my brother speaking in lowercase… i knew he was very worried and probably crying, though i couldn’t see him, i could hear him.
I, almost silently, winced at the pain coursing through my bones… my brother immediately noticed and then it seemed everything went silent as a sickening cracking soul came from my soul… I'm weak…i’ve always been weak… but this was new to Papyrus. Papyrus panicked more than I've seen him ever do before.
“SANS!?! OH MY GOD, SANS?!? PLEASE WAKE UP! HEY, JUST KEEP YOUR SOUL PULSING, OKAY?” Papyrus held me for a while, he was outputting healing magic constantly to stabilize my soul.
It took hours of us sitting there… My brother held me the whole time, he made sure my soul wouldn’t shatter by holding it with his hands… and so I laid helplessly limp in my brother's lap as he held me and my soul like he was cradling a fragile newborn. It was longer than I could keep track of…maybe days…all I knew was Papyrus had to call Undyne saying that he had an emergency come up and couldn’t come to training. After what felt like an eternity I could speak… so i spoke weakly to my brother…
“B…bro..?” I sounded so weak I wasn't sure if he could hear me… but he could, and he was allayed. He hugged me tightly and gently pulled me to his core… his soul let out a soothing aura that calmed my frantic soul, which unknown to me was basically vibrating with fear of death.
“SANS! I’M SO GLAD YOU’RE GOING TO BE OKAY!” Papyrus had tears in his eyes as he held me… I sighed and leaned into him, feeling exhausted.
“Can…I take a nap, Bro?” I said in a weak voice as Papyrus started to lay down with me, still holding me in his arms, knowing how much I needed the aura of his oil to hold on to life.
“OF COURSE, SANS… I love you, brother…” Papyrus said with love in his voice as he held me…
“I love you too, Papy” I said sleepily as I fell asleep peacefully… knowing my brother wouldn’t let me die in my sleep… for once I felt like I had someone to take care of me…and it didn’t feel like I was a burden. I fell asleep in his arms and he held me throughout the night too.
The next morning Papyrus wouldn’t leave me alone and kept checking my stats, which had been at .5 HP for the last however long it’s been since I was unconscious. My brother seemed very content with checking on me every ten minutes and even cancelled the next two weeks of training because he insisted that I needed someone to take care of me.
“Bro, you don’t need to carry me to the kitchen, i’m fine” i said, a little annoyed at my brother’s constant worry over me.
“NONSENSE, BROTHER! YOU ARE FRAGILE AND ONE MUST MAKE SURE YOU DO NOT GET HURT, AND THAT ONE IS I!” Papyrus said in a very protective and caring tone. He carried me to the kitchen and set me in a chair he had moved into the kitchen so he could watch me while he cooked. I feel like he was being paranoid but didn’t want to worry me.
“What’re you makin’ for dinner then, bro?” I said in a laid back tone like nothing had happened. I knew he was making spaghetti, but I wanted to entertain him.
“I AM MAKING SPAGHETTI, BROTHER! I KNOW YOU LIKE THAT DISH!” Papyrus says happily and starts to boil the water for the noodles.
“Thanks, bro” I said, smiling. I knew he was trying to get my HP up, so I let him make me food, even if it wasn’t the best tasting, it did help me feel better physically.
I had been feeling better from his constant care, and healing. I could definitely be alone then but my brother wouldn’t leave me alone, so I decided it was best for both of us to relax and to let him do what he wanted.
For the rest of the day Papyrus kept me fed and kept picking me up or holding me, we watched funny movies and cuddled most of the day. Papyrus seems to have become clingy and protective over me, wanting to always be touching me or healing me with food. I knew he was scared to death that I'd try again and succeed the next time, so I let him do anything to ease his worries. I let him hold me in my sleep and cuddle me during the day, let him feed me only home cooked meals, let him use healing magic on me thinking I wouldn't notice, Let him keep me in the house for the next two weeks… I hadn’t been cared for like this since my mother died… it felt nice to remember the feeling of being held.
It had been a few weeks and everything had been the same, though he wasn’t using healing magic as often and was picking me up Grillby’s more often. We had still cuddled though, he had decided it wasn’t important for me to clean and stuff and instead decided he wanted to spend more time with me. He had started to go back to training sessions but made me come along and sit inside the house so I was safe from the training.
Undyne was nice but was very confused about the whole thing. She asked why he started bringing me along and Papyrus just said he wanted me to see his cool skills. She decided to believe him and continued to bring me along for the next few weeks.