Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A window of light.

The shape of voice.

Why is so little so much work?

It’s easy to tire yourself out and give up.

And I’m so tired.

Kaveh remembers the early days of grade school fondly. Running around the streets, looking around stalls, trying to buy anything they could get their greedy hands on. Showing his friend from the forest around and pushing him into the water whenever the boy complained about the heat.

Trying to annoy their white-haired friend as much as they could without getting hit over the head. Laughing at his stupid hat with ears that actually wasn’t that stupid, the two were just messing with him.

Pranking the girl who always slept by seeing how far they could go without waking her up.

Placing cat ears on the world's angriest girl.

Barely noticing as a new person walked passed him.

Before seeing the boy walk into their classroom, holding his backpack with both hands as he looked around, avoiding eye contact with anyone.

Their teacher cleared his throat, drawing the attention of most students. Kaveh was doodling in his notebook, kicking his feet under the table. He glanced over to the table left to him where Tighnari was looking out of the window. Cyno was sitting to the right of him, folding paper. Kaveh guessed it was going to be a paper aeroplane. It made him smile a bit. He turned back to finally face the teacher, though it was so that he wouldn’t be told off for not listening.

“Everyone, we have a new student.” - He started slowly. - “I want you all to take good care of him and make him feel welcome. Now, why don’t you introduce yourself?”

The boy stood silently, not reacting to what their teacher said. The man seemed to realise and gently reached over to tap the boy's shoulder. Kaveh tilted his head, gingerly spinning the pencil in his hand. He stared at the silver-haired boy who glanced up at the teacher before digging through his backpack, pulling out a notebook and opening it on the first page. He turned the notebook around so the whole class could see it, keeping a neutral look as his gaze wandered from one person to another. Kaveh slightly leaned in to read what was written..

‘Nice to meet you. I am Alhaitham.’

The boy waited a few seconds before flipping the page.

‘Through this notebook, I hope to become good friends with you.’

‘Please use it when you want to talk to me.’

Kaveh felt his eyes widen, sitting up and disregarding the pencil he previously had in his hand. He could hear a few people around him whispering, sending their teacher confused looks.

Alhaitham took a deep breath, flipping over one more page.

‘I’m deaf.’

Everyone around him slowly realised, turning to each other to say something or mumble something under their nose.

The teacher nodded reassuringly. Alhaitham put the notebook down. Kaveh continued staring.

Holy crap.

“Thank you. Now, you can sit… hm.” - Their teacher looked around the classroom. - “In front of Aether. Aether, raise your hand.”

The long-ish-haired blonde raised his hand, flashing Alhaitham a warm smile. The new kid just trotted over and set his things down, ignoring the stares of everyone around him; Kaveh included.

Alhaitham seemed strange and he couldn’t tell if that was a positive or negative thing.

The lesson finally started and continued as it normally would, despite the hushed whispers all over the class. The second the bell rang most people stood up and gathered around the new kid, asking questions. Alhaitham blinked overwhelmed before opening his notebook on a blank page and leaving it for someone to write in and help him understand what they were saying. Ultimately, a dark-haired girl picked up a pen.

‘Pleased to meet you, Alhaitham. I am Candace.’

"Can you really not hear?" - Dehya talked to the boy from behind, sitting up on a desk. Candace couldn’t help but laugh a bit, bringing a hand up to cover the smile and sending the other girl a look.

“Come on now, talking to him from behind is not very nice.”

Alhaitham looked around, confused, before turning around to Dehya with the notebook in hand.

'Can you repeat that?'

The boy tilted his head. Dehya nervously laughed, waving her hands in front of her. - “Oh- oh nothing!”

"So that means we can only talk with him by writing?" - Layla slowly leaned into her hand, resting her head against it. She was close to dozing off.

Kaveh watched from the side, though he tried to show disinterest as he played a quick game of TCG with Cyno and Tighnari. So what if this kid couldn't hear? Wouldn't that just make him annoying to be around? The blonde can already tell that's the case. Hm.. he didn’t like this.

He didn’t like this at all.

***

Alhaitham was an outsider.

He often didn’t keep up in class due to not knowing when to write what down. Or when to turn to which page. Kaveh watched and silently laughed before going quiet when Tighnari turned around to the boy and tapped his table.

The grey-haired boy looked up at the other. Tighnari slowly took the other's notebook and wrote down what they were doing, Alhaitham sending the other a grateful nod.

His friend did this every class.

“Ahh I’m missing notes!” - Tighnari whined, leaning into Cyno’s side with a frown. The three of them were walking down the hallway, leaving school.

The white-haired boy was flipping through his card deck but turned his head to look at his friend. - “I can lend you my notes if you want.”

Tighnari grinned, hugging the other sideways. - “Mhmm~! Thank you Cyno! You’re a lifesaver.”

“You’re gonna owe me one Nari.”

Kaveh walked next to them, looking through his cards too, as he was planning to trade some with Cyno. But he stopped his train of thought to listen in. Alhaitham struggled in classes, everyone knew that. Their teacher asked the class specifically to help him when he needed it. But… they had their own notes to take too. Why should they sacrifice their time to help someone who was, well, different?

He silently frowned.

***

“But I didn’t do anything wrong.” - Tighnari was standing up, book in hand as he read aloud. - “And I will not apolo-”

“Why are you reading so slow?” - Their teacher cut him off, shaking his head disapprovingly. - “You sound like you’re five. Enough of that. Who’s next…”

Tighnari made a hurt face, gripping the book in his hands as a few of their classmates snickered before he sat back down in his seat, hiding his face in his hand. - “Four-eyes.” - He mumbled bitterly, looking out of the window.

“Alhaitham.”

Tighnari tiredly sighed, turning around and tapping the other’s table, showing Alhaitham where to start reading. The boy stood up, book in hand and started reading.

“And I will not apologise!” - Kaveh jumped at the others' voices. It was loud and he spoke like he didn’t have a tongue. The only way he could know what the other was saying was by reading the lines himself at the same time.

It was horrible.

He shared a look with Tighnari who seemed to have the same opinion, clearly even more offended at the insult from before when compared to this.

“You’re stubborn all the time! You have no intention of apologising!”

“That’s good.” - The teacher raised his hand, making Alhaitham stop and sit back down, unaware of the fact that he sounded so stupid. - “Kaveh.”

The blonde stood up, sending a glare at Alhaitham before clearing his throat.

“Nye nye nyeeughh!” - He tried to imitate a chicken who was trying to speak English. Just like how Alhaitham sounded.

Tighnari jumped, turning around to look at Kaveh and covering his mouth to stop himself from laughing out loud at the other's mockery. Everyone else seemed to have the same reaction, snickering being heard all over the class.

“That isn’t funny. Sit down.” - The teacher scolded. Kaveh fell back down to his seat with an eye-roll, sharing a smile with both Cyno and Tighnari.

Alhaitham looked around when everyone in the class stirred, confused.

***

Dehya awkwardly turned around and stared at the boy who was trailing after them. She couldn’t help but feel weird with him. He just… followed them around. Did he have nothing else to do?

The girl shared a look with Candace, who shrugged in response. They were playing at the playground behind the school. More specifically the girls were playing and talking on one end of the playground, the boys on the other. And Alhaitham standing in the middle, kicking a rock.

He just didn’t fit in.

Candace took a deep breath, crossing her arms. - “Come on, let’s go.”

They all nodded, walking away. The boy just leaned against the ladder up to the slide, playing with his hands as he stared after the group. He slightly jumped when a rock hit him in the shoulder. He turned around, another one hitting his chest.

Kaveh was crouching down, abandoning his activity of drawing in the sand and instead holding another rock in his hand that he dropped when the other tilted his head at him.

“You know why everyone always leaves you behind, right?” - The blonde scoffed, studying Alhaitham’s face. - “Your whole being deaf things gets old pretty quick.”

Alhaitham just stared at the other. Kaveh gritted his teeth at the lack of reaction. This is exactly what he means! Everyone had to try and work around the boy. It was a chore, one they did not sign up for.

They were silent for a few seconds, before Alhaitham slowly walked up to him, nervous. Kaveh wearily watches. What was he planning?

The boy pointed at Kaveh, before pointing at himself and finally folding his hands together.

“Fr..rends?”

Kaveh furrowed his eyebrows, not understanding a word the other said, just like in class. He dug his hand into the sand before suddenly throwing it at the other. Alhaitham raised his arms to shield himself, taking a step back.

“You’re such a creep!” - He shouted, getting up and running away.

The boy just stared, not even bothering to dust himself off.

***

Kaveh stared confused at the woman in front of them.

“Very nice to meet you, everyone. My name is Miss Kira, and I’m from the Class For Deaf.” - The woman wrote something down on the board. ‘Sign Language’ - “Now, do you know what sign language is?”

Alhaitham stood next to her, silently looking at the ground.

“It’s like communicating with your hands.” - She smiled, walking over to Alhaitham and placing her hands on his shoulders as a way of comforting him, though the other seemed to get only more uncomfortable. - “Neat, isn’t it?”

“With your hands, huh?” - Kaveh quietly mumbled to himself.

“To make it easier for you all to communicate with Alhaitham, will you spend three minutes with me every day before class learning sign language?”

Cyno didn’t waste a second standing up. - “Excuse me, Miss Kira?” - He frowned. - “Isn’t writing in his notebook good enough?”

The lady looked taken aback, sending a nervous smile. - “Well, using sign language would be easier for Alhaitham..”

“Well, using his notebook would be easier for me.”

Aether slowly stood up, hand politely raised. - “Uhm, Miss Kira? I wouldn’t mind learning sign language.”

Cyno huffed. - “Suck up.” - He mumbled.

The lady seemed a bit relieved when someone was willing to cooperate with her, Cyno getting told to sit back down by their teacher. Kaveh was, honestly, surprised that Cyno was the one to reject the idea. But the boy has always been sensitive to the way Tighnari feels. And seeing how helping Alhaitham was tiring Tighnari out, it was only a matter of time before something happened.

Miss Kira didn’t get to teach much before her time was up but she promised to come back tomorrow, sending Alhaitham back to his seat.

‘Can you teach me how to say Aether in sign language?’ - Aether pulled his chair up to Alhaitham’s desk the moment the bell rang, looking expectantly at his classmate and he showed the written question.

Alhaitham thought for a few seconds before nodding, and signing the letter ‘A’.

Cyno shot the two a look, crossing his arms. How unnecessary. Kaveh couldn’t help but agree. - “Keep scoring those brownie points.” - Aether glanced momentarily from Alhaitham to Cyno, scoffing at him.

“Who does he think he is anyways?” - Kaveh mumbled to his friends, leaning back against Cyno’s desk.

“Heard rumours his parents are divorced.” - Tighnari rolled his eyes. - “Bet they didn’t want to deal with him sucking up to everyone.”

Aether ignored how the group was talking about him behind his back, focusing on trying to memorise the hand movements Alhaitham showed him. The grey-haired boy wanted to ask why Aether’s eyes were tearing up but they were gone before he could.

From that day on, the two walked through the hallways together. Aether dragged Alhaitham away from the group of boys, always sending them looks.

At least he did whenever he was around.

And Kaveh noticed that he wasn’t around.

***

Dehya covered her mouth. - “That’s too far Kaveh.”

“What? I think it’s just right.” - The blonde continued writing on the board with Cyno’s help, drawing a small star at the end of the sentence. Classes had ended, and they were all put on cleaning duty, including Alhaitham. Kaveh saw this as a chance.

“You naughty, naughty boy.” - Tighnari laughed, sitting in the teacher's seat.

Kaveh set the chalk down, wiping his hands before moving back and jumping up to sit on the desk to admire their work. - “Looking good.”

That’s when the door opened.

Alhaitham walked in, carrying a watering can. Everyone watched as he paused, glancing up at the board.

‘Congratulations Haitham! Aether went away somewhere! Now you’re all alone! Hurray, hurray!!!’

Alhaitham stared, slowly reading every word.

Kaveh blinks, before jumping off the table and laughing. “Oh no! Who could’ve done something like this?” - He shook his head. - “Colour me disappointed!”

Candace and Dehya laughed together, Cyno sending a smirk and Tighnari leaning with his arms crossed back satisfied.

“Here, I’ll wipe it off for you.” - He took the sponge and started to erase the writing, a smug smile making its way onto his face.

Alhaitham continued staring, holding the watering can tighter and closer to himself.

“There.” - Kaveh moved back. - “All done!”

He looked at Alhaitham, waiting for the reaction.

But all the boy did was slowly walk over, shakily grabbing some of the chalk. Kaveh tilted his head, confused. He watched the other turn to the board and write something down.

‘Thank you.’

Kaveh made a confused and quite frankly disgusted face. Everyone stared silently at Alhaitham before Kaveh finally moved, pushing past the other’s shoulder.

“Whatever.”

Tighnari followed, grabbing Cyno’s hand and leading him out. The girls soon left too, leaving Alhaitham all alone to clean.

***

Kaveh took a deep breath, slowly moving the rolled-up workbook next to Alhaitham’s ear before shouting into it, causing the whole class to turn.

Alhaitham jumped with a small squeak and tensed up, staring frozen ahead of him as a hand rested over his heart.

“Kaveh.” - Their teacher scolded, not bothering to look up from his book. He already knew who the person causing the mayhem was.

The blonde moved back and hid his head in his arms. - “S-sorry.” - He was desperately holding back a laugh. Everyone returned to work, except for Cyno, who stared at Alhaitham for a bit longer before finally turning around.

“Strange.” - He mumbled under his nose. The moment the bell rang, the boy got up, standing next to Alhaitham. Kaveh and Tighnari were in the back of the class where they usually stood but were looking to see what the other was up to.

“Hey, Haitham.”

The grey-haired boy looked up, before letting out a confused and startled sound and Cyno pushed the other's hair back and away from his face with both hands, revealing a pair of hearing aids in his ears. Some of his hair fell over his eyes as he stared shocked before lowering his gaze to the ground. Guilty.

“So you can hear.”

“Oh wow!” - Dehya leaned over, surprised. - “Those allow you to hear?”

Alhaitham looked back up again, slowly nodding.

“Hey, what are those anyways?” - Kaveh spoke up, standing on his tiptoes.

“I think they’re called hearing aids.” - Tighnari answered as Cyno continued holding the other's hair back, causing Alhaitham to try and move away. He was uncomfortable.

“Woah, show me!” - He sent a grin over. Cyno raised his eyebrows before moving his hand and gently slipping one of the hearing aids out, quickly moving away.

Alhaitham stood up after him startled, reaching over to try and grab the hearing aid back. He missed. - “Catch!” - Cyno threw it with a laugh and Kaveh moved back to catch it.

“Yikes, gross!” - He turned to the open window.

And threw it out.

That’s how every day was spent for Alhaitham. His notebook was used as a sketchbook for stupid and mocking doodles. The boy started to just never take it out.

He got shouted at and scared to get a reaction. He started always looking over his shoulder.

Getting tripped in the hallways. Alhaitham spent recess hiding away in the bathroom.

His books are thrown into the water. Water poured over his head. Dirt was thrown into his eyes. Backpack thrown out of the windows. His hearing-aids. In the trash. In the water. In the dirt. In–

“Ah!” - Alhaitham shouted in pain, bringing a hand up to his ear. Kaveh held the hearing aid that he pulled out from behind, tilting his head at the response.

Alhaitham shook a bit and Kaveh didn’t know why the boy responded the way he did before his eyes widened when he saw a few drops of blood slip down his hand from his ear.

Holy crap.

Everyone around him gasped.

“Are you alright!?” - Candace leaned down to look at Alhaitham, a worried look on her face. He didn’t respond, slowly pulling his hand away to look at the red liquid.

“What do we do??” - Tighnari panicked, eyes wide.

Cyno gulped, looking back at Kaveh. - “You took it too far man.”

Kaveh stared silently, suddenly feeling very small. The hearing aid felt extremely uncomfortable in his shaking hand.

***

“That four-eyes really pisses me off!” - Kaveh huffed, leaving the school with Cyno and Tighnari. He got sent to the counsellor's office and of course, got detention. The blonde was visibly upset.

Tighnari crossed his arms. - “This was bound to happen you know..” - Cyno nodded beside him.

Kaveh glared, opening his mouth to respond but his train of thought stopped when he saw a head of grey hair standing in front of them. - “...what?” - He spat out. Alhaitham stared between the trio, his gaze finally stopping at Kaveh. His frown slightly tightened and Kaveh just tilted his head confused. Why was this weirdo blocking their way? - “Move.” - He hid his hands in his pockets. The last thing he needed today was to see him. - “You’re in the way.”

The boy gently reached into his backpack and pulled out the notebook, flipping to the last page before turning it to the group.

‘I’m sorry.’

He read the two words carefully a few times, confusion clear on his face. - “...” - Kaveh wanted to say something. Tell the boy how he felt. But he didn’t understand how he felt either. His throat was too tight. So, gritting his teeth, he started walking again. - “Let’s go.” - It was a mumble.

Alhaitham moved to stand in front of Kaveh again, holding the notebook out even more. ‘I’m sorry.’ staring at Kaveh, tauntingly. Sucking in a deep breath he violently moved and snatched the notebook, holding it above the shorters head.

“What’s your problem?!” - Kaveh finally burst, moving back when Alhaitham tried grabbing the notebook. - “If you have something to say, say it!” - He continued walking back, gasping when Alhaitham suddenly grabbed his arm. - “Let go! You freak!”

“Hey, I think I get it!” - Tighnari watched with Cyno. - “He has a crush on you!”

Kaveh shook his head, finally pulling his arm away. - “Gross, don’t say that!”

Alhaitham stopped trying to chase after Kaveh, swallowing nervously before bringing his hands up. Pointing at Kaveh, at himself and folding his hands together. The two stared at each other uncomfortably, Alhaitham holding his breath and Kaveh glaring.

The notebook was thrown into one of the ponds that were all around the school.

“Let’s. Go.” - Kaveh repeated, not looking at Alhaitham as he moved. He only did so when he heard a gentle splash of water.

“Is he for real?” - Cyno stopped walking, watching with disbelief Alhaitham step into the pond to grab the notebook. - “That’s..”

Kaveh’s eyes widened.

“Disgusting.”

.

.

.

What happened?

“There’s something I need to talk about.” - Their principal's voice was loud. - “It’s about your classmate, Alhaitham. Who is absent today.”

Kaveh doodled in his notebook.

“His mother called the school yesterday.” - His voice was heavy. - “In the past five months, four of his hearing aids have been broken or gone missing.”

Tighnari was looking out of the window.

“His mother believes he is being bullied in school.”

Cyno was folding paper.

“Hearing aids are very expensive.”

He was probably folding a paper aeroplane.

“Have any of you noticed any instances of bullying towards him?”

At least that’s what he thinks.

“Kaveh.”

The boy in question slowly looked up, gripping his pencil. He made eye contact with their teacher and the principal. They were looking at him.

“We all know it was you.” - The teacher had a stern look on his face. - “Stand up already!”

Kaveh scrambled out of his seat in fear. - “Y-yes sir!”

The man took a deep breath. - “Tighnari, have you noticed Kaveh bullying Alhaitham?”

Tighnari sat up, playing with a strand of his hair. - “Uhm, well.. He might've said a few mean things…”

What?! You helped Tighnari!

“Cyno? What about you?”

The boy leaned his chin against the palm of his hand. - “He did. We tried to tell him to stop, but…” - Kaveh’s eyes widened. - “...he just didn’t listen.”

“Huh?! But you-!” - Kaveh bawled his fists. - “You two did too!” - Cyno glared and Tighnari looked down in shame. - “And the girls made fun of him too!”

Dehya, who was sitting in front of him, turned around and was offended. - “How could you say that!”

“But it’s true!”

Candace started crying. - “How can you- how can you blame us for your bullying?!”

Kaveh’s breathing was picking up as he looked at everyone, one by one. They were all looking at him. Like he was the scum of the earth. Like he was the one who deserved to rot in the water. Alone.

As his friends left him behind, Kaveh was alone, struggling to breathe and shaking uncontrollably. The water had seeped into his clothes and books, and his hands hurt from the impact of being pushed into the water. Fighting back tears, he slowly got to his feet and gathered his ruined things, trying to cram them into his soaked backpack, pushing his damp hair out of his way. He only paused when he held a pink notebook.

It’s Alhithams. What’s it still doing here? Did the boy never take it?

What happened?

Kaveh flipped through the notebook as he slowly walked, studying everyone's handwriting that could be found in between all the stupid drawings. Not even halfway through, he reached his house and hesitated at the door before bursting in and dashing up the stairs.

“Hold it Kaveh!” - As he made his way up the stairs, his mother's voice echoed after him and she eventually caught up, stopping him at his bedroom door. - “I just finished a call with your teacher– why are you soaking wet?”

He stared at his feet. He thinks that if he speaks he’ll cry.

“Kaveh?”

“I jumped into the water like always.” - He placed a hand on the doorknob.

“..so is it true? Have you been bothering other kids at school?” - She placed a hand on his shoulder. - “Have you?”

“...” - Kaveh slowly looked up. - “You heard what the teacher said.”

She had tears in her eyes. Like she couldn’t believe she was looking at her own son. It hurt. - “Go change. We are visiting that poor boys family right now.” - What?

Twenty minutes later, Kaveh's mother led him to the car, ignoring his protests with a serious demeanour. So Kaveh turned his attention to the window, attempting to distract himself from the daunting conversation ahead. The only time he looked over at his mother is when she got out of the car and walked into the bank, watching as she withdrew cash. It was for Alhaitham’s family, he knows that. A part of him was angry. His mother worked so hard, alone, and now had to pay back this random family because… of him.

All Kaveh could do was sink further down into his seat.

They didn’t exchange a word throughout the entire ride, nor when they got out of the car in front of an apartment complex. He stayed back and watched his mother meet with a silver-haired woman who had a sharp look in her eyes and a frown on her face, looking over Kaveh’s mother with a judgemental glare. Kaveh kicked a stone.

“Kaveh!” - His mother waved at him. - “This is going to take a while. Take a look around the lovely area, yeah? Don’t go far!”

He slowly nodded, looking away and starting to walk. It was a nice place, he supposes. Kaveh just stared at his shoes however, walking behind the building towards a pond. Just like the one at school, huh? He swallowed dry, looking up to see the water, only to pause mid-step.

Alhaitham was sitting on a bench by the water, book in hand. Kaveh stared to see if he was noticed, but the grey-haired boy continued calmly reading, glancing up at the pigeons who walked around him from time to time.

Of course he was here. His mother probably asked him to be.

Kaveh contemplates walking up and saying something. But what? An apology? An explanation? But he doesn’t have one. He doesn’t know why he did what he did. He doesn’t understand either.

He quietly turned around and went back to the car, sitting down on the edge of the pavement and played with some grass.

“Kaveh.” - He looked up when his mother spoke, inhaling sharply. - “Let’s go home now.” - She had blood on the side of her face and sweater. - “Okay?” - She gently smiled. Kaveh stared at the cut from her ear, where her earring used to be.

What happened?

That’s how every day was spent for Kaveh, asking that one question as he watched his life fall apart around him. His notebooks were ripped and thrown into the trash. The boy still tried to act like nothing was happening. Like his friends didn’t distance themselves from the things they used to mutually like.

He got laughed at. He started covering his ears.

Getting tripped in the hallways. Kaveh spent recess hiding away in empty classrooms.

His books are thrown into the water. Water poured over his head. Dirt was thrown into his eyes. Backpack thrown out of the window. Kaveh just– he wanted to pretend it wasn't happening. So he continued walking as normal, keeping his head low. He wandered the hallways and waited for everyone else to leave first so he didn’t have to face them and their teasing, glancing into classrooms here and there.

Kaveh stopped when he reached their class and gawked when he saw a familiar head of grey hair rubbing something onto his desk. - “...what are you doing?” - He mumbled as he walked into the classroom, alarmed. - “What are you doing to my desk?” - His voice grew, angrier and louder. The blonde grabbed Alhaitham’s shoulder and pulled him back. - “What are you?!–”

His desk had smudged writing on it. He could barely read the words but he knew they were insulting. Kaveh stared, mouth going dry. Did people not like him this much…? He was brought out of his thoughts when Alhaitham pulled himself away from Kaveh’s grip, a damp cloth in his hands, which was dirty from trying to get rid of the writing.

Kaveh thinks this is the first time he’s truly making eye-contact with Alhaitham’s grey-ish green eyes, which stare at him in fear yet sympathy. Kaveh stares back.

“..why?” - Kaveh whispers, gritting his teeth before suddenly pushing Alhaitham against the desk. - “Drop the goody-two-shoes act! It pisses me off!!!” - He grabbed Alhaitham’s shoulders and shook them, the boy in question grunting. - “If you have something to say, say it!”

Alhaitham brought a hand up and gripped one of Kaveh’s arms, turning his head and biting into it.

“Ow!” - The blonde jumped back, holding his hands close to his chest. - “..what was that for?!” - He ran back at the boy, pushing him harder and yanking at his hair. - “What was that for?!” - Alhaitham brought his hands up trying to force Kaveh away, raising his leg to kick the other. Kaveh continued pulling, slightly moving the desk from the force. - “What is wrong with you?!” - He raised his fists, punching Alhaitham’s arms.

Alhaitham yelled something back, using both legs to kick Kaveh to the ground with as much force as he had, the pain from the impact enough to shock Kaveh into shutting up.

“I’m dryig!” - Alhaitham stumbled down with him, pulling on Kaveh’s clothes and shaking him. - “I’m dryig ju no!!!”

“What?! What are you saying, I don’t understand you?!!” - Kaveh was trying to punch the other back. Alhaitham pulled at Kaveh’s collar and Kaveh was kicking the other's sides, sitting up to yell at his face. - “Stop it!!” - Alhaitham forcefully pushed the others head down to the ground with a shout, making him close his eyes.

“I’m!!– I…” - He punched the blonde's chest, the punches quickly growing weaker. Kaveh opened his eyes, staring up before wincing when something wet fell on his cheek. Alhaitham finally stopped and fell back onto Kaveh’s legs, sobbing. Sobbing his heart out.

..he really pisses Kaveh off.

Alhaitham transferred schools the next week.

Chapter Text

Kaveh thinks back to when he was younger often. However now, when he is eighteen, the memories are numb and blend in seamlessly with the rest of his day. Wake up, go to school, sleep. He often found himself looking down bridges and imagining the sensation of falling. It was scary. He knows he wouldn’t survive a fall like that. A true test of courage.

Today was a bit different however. Most weekends he forced himself out of bed just to eat and then stayed home all day. This time, he forced himself out of bed and out of the house, notebook gently held in his hands.

The building was only a forty minute walk away, which Kaveh spent listening to music on his earphones. He hesitantly took them out and pocketed them only when he entered the place, walking up the stairs to the second floor. He only stopped when he saw the door sign that he was looking for. ‘Sign Language Class’

He silently groaned, biting his inner cheek. He’s nervous beyond belief. Why was he forcing himself to be here? Taking a deep breath he placed a hand on the doorknob, someone leaving the classroom next to him.

“Good morning to you too, Alhaitham.”

…

. . .

Kaveh slowly turned around, eyes wide. A family of three was waving to a boy who waved back before he turned around and continued down the hallway, keeping his eyes to the ground.

Holy crap.

“Alhaitham!” - Kaveh ran up to the other, gently tapping his shoulder. The grey-haired boy slightly jumped before turning around, making eye-contact with Kaveh. It’s just like back in sixth grade.

Woah, Alhaitham was taller than him.

“H-hey..” - Kaveh sheepishly waved. - “It’s me- Kaveh? From grade school?”

Alhaitham stared, wide eyed, studying Kaveh’s face. Kaveh stared back. Watching Alhaitham’s mouth slowly open in shock before it closed, the boy contemplating whether to smile and wave back or not.

Alhaitham ends up turning around and speed-walking away.

“Huh?!- wait!” - Kaveh starts running after him, ignoring the confused looks he got from other random people. The two ran down a flight of stairs, Alhaitham pausing to look back up and see if Kaveh was still following, immediately walking faster when he saw him. - “Alhaitham, please wait!”

He momentarily lost the boy and panicked, slowing down. He walked and kept looking around, eventually stopping when he saw a bit of silver hair behind a wall, Alhaitham staring at the ground and hoping Kaveh would leave.

“...” - Kaveh’s frown tightened as he gently walked over, leaning down to look up at the other’s face. - “Hey.” - He whispered, holding out the notebook. Alhaitham’s notebook from that stupid pond in grade school. - “I wanted to give this back..” - He paused, awkwardly swallowing before bringing his hand up. - “You forgot this.” - He signed.

He watched the shock appear in Alhaitham’s eyes who hesitantly brought his hands up. - “You know sign language?”

Kaveh stiffly nodded. - “I learned it.” - This was the first time he was talking with a deaf person using sign language, so he knows he’s a bit stiff. And nervous. - “Uh.. here.” - He passed the notebook over. Alhaitham took it and Kaveh didn’t miss the way he was still so gentle. He figures it’s in the boy's nature more than out of shyness. - “I know you might not want to see this… but it’s yours.”

Alhaitham studied it, not letting much emotion show on his face, making Kaveh worry. The blonde awkwardly looked away before clearing his throat and slowly bringing his hands up. - “Me and you…” - He pointed a finger at his chest, then Alhaitham’s, and finally put his hands together and shook them. - “...could we be friends?” - He looked back up.

He regretted asking the moment he saw the way Alhaitham stared at him.

Is Kaveh stupid?! This is the kid he bullied! Of course Alhaitham would want nothing to do with him! He has every right to run from Kaveh. To punch him, yell at him, flip him off…

“I’m– so sorry, I don’t know why I said that!” - He waved his hands - “I should.. Go...”

Alhaitham put the notebook under his arm and hesitated before nodding. - “Okay. Let’s be friends.” - He didn’t look convinced. But he still gave Kaveh a chance.

Kaveh was given a chance.

And Kaveh..

..Kaveh….

“..Kaveh-! Kaveh!!” - The blonde groaned, rolling to the other side of his bed. His mother was yelling for him to get out of bed. He knows. He’s just too tired to yell back. Slowly, Kaveh opens his eyes to stare at the dirty grey wall of his room.

It’s monday.

He’s almost surprised. Another start to a week with days that are all the same. Nothing’s new. He groggily pushed himself up, hair falling over his eyes. It’s so long. He’s too lazy to cut it though. It doesn’t take him long to find something decent to wear and slightly wash his face. He should tie his hair back today. Kaveh deemed he looked decent enough. He used to care more about the way he looked, but can you blame him for being a bit too tired to try anything new? Maybe he’ll put more effort in tomorrow.

The blonde makes his way down the stairs with a yawn, peeking down to the kitchen. - “I’m up!”

The woman is making bacon and eggs, standing over the an and humming to herself. Guess she didn’t feel like turning on the radio that usually filled the silence. - “Good morning. Do you mind opening the window?” - Kaveh hummed, walking over and letting the warm morning air into the cozy kitchen. It felt nice and almost gave the blonde energy to do something fun. But his eyebags feel too heavy and he doesn’t have anything to even do. So he simply sits down and watches as the food is set down, his mother sitting in front of him.

“Thank you.”

The two start silently eating.

They ran out of topics a long time ago.

Kvaeh slowly blinks as he stares at the food, leaning on the palm of his hand. Today.. today he has to go to the bridge after school. Today he has to take the long way to reach it. Today is a school day. It’s monday. He has school. He yawns. Today he had to get through maths and english. Today he might use his bike, it’s been a while.

“By the way Kaveh..”

The boy looked up with a hum, letting his hand fall. His mother was still looking at her plate.

“Why do you want to kill yourself?”

Kaveh’s fork fell from his hand and clattered on the plate.

“..I just…” - He hadn’t even written his letter yet. - “Don’t know what else to…”

The woman slammed her hands on the table. - “So it really is true then?!” - Kaveh leaned back in his seat, hands held close to his chest. - “I knew something was off!” - he had tears in her eyes as she stared at her only son. - “Your room is way too clean! Your phone is off! And you keep marking dates in your calendar!!!” - She choked back a sob, reaching into her pocket and pulling out an envelope. It had money in it, all the money Kaveh had saved up to pay her back for having to take care of him. She wasn’t supposed to find it yet. - “I’ll burn it.”

Kaveh shot up. - “What?!”

His mother grabbed the light with her other hand, flicking it on. - “Years worth of money! I’ll burn it unless you promise me not to kill yourself!!!”

He stumbled around the table, pushing the chairs away. - “I won’t! Please!!”

“You won’t what?!”

“I won’t try to kill myself!!!” - He put his hands together, begging and about to sob along with his mother. - “I won’t! I promise I promise I won’t! Please put the money down!!”

“You mean it?!”

“I mean it!”

The woman slowly lowered the lighter, wiping her tears. - “..okay. You stupid son.” - She put the things down and fell back into her seat, covering her face as she sobbed. Kaveh stood and watched. In the end he doesn’t even shed a tear.

***

Kaveh was going to jump off the bridge today.

That’s why he went to see Alhaitham that weekend. It was to tie up any loose ends he had.

And yet here he was on his bike. On his way to school, knowing he will come back tomorrow. He could break the promise he made. He would feel horrible, but no more than he already does day to day.

But not only did he promise his mother to not kill himself. He did one more horrible thing.

‘Okay. Let’s be friends.’

Kaveh gripped the handles of his bike. What the hell has he done?! He said they could be friends! Kaveh doesn’t have friends!!! Everyone knows to not get close with him.

…at the entrance ceremony to middle school Kaveh remembers overhearing Cyno talking to some kids he would end up hanging out with.

“Stay away from that Kaveh kid.” - Cyno crossed his arms. - “He’s a bully.”

A bully.

His chest hurts at the memory.

What goes around comes back around. Your sins eventually come to bite you back and Kaveh has learned that he deserves whatever punishment he gets, no matter how many years pass. Maybe it’s good that his suicide attempt failed. It was an easy way out, one he cried many nights over.

He stops at the school and secures his bike at the stand, readjusting his hair bun as he walks inside. Kaveh makes sure he isn’t touching anyone, staring at everyone's feet instead of their faces. He didn’t want to accidentally see how everyone was staring at him, judging him. So loud. Everyone was talking louder than the person before. Kaveh groaned. He’s tired.

Is it selfish that.. that sometimes he wishes he couldn’t hear people? It would be one thing less to get overwhelmed with.

‘Okay. Let’s be friends.’

He swallowed the sour taste in his mouth, sitting down at his desk. He didn’t even realise how fast he arrived. Sighing, he rests his head in between his arms and closes his eyes, sitting still until the bell rang. And then quiet during class. Sometimes he missed notes but didn’t care enough to ask for them from anyone. Sometimes he spent the whole lesson just looking out of the window or with closed eyes. By the time he was fully awake and aware of his surroundings it was lunch. Oh.

Everyone around him was talking with each other or friends from other classes. Kaveh stayed put, bringing his lunch out as he kept his head down. Occasionally glancing at the other kids in his class. They’re all chatting, laughing. Laughing at him? Probably. Kaveh nervously plays with a strand of hair.

“Kaveh, always alone. It’s like his thing, right?”

“Doesn’t he get all lonely, just sitting like that?”

“Then why is he alive?”

Kaveh covered his face at the thoughts.

This classroom is too loud.

The blonde stands up and quietly slips out of the classroom, lunch tightly in his hands.

He ends up by the football field, alone on a bench. At least the food tastes amazing. He watches the other students play while leaning back, knees up to his chest. Besides him is a trashcan separating him from another bench. Someone is sitting there. Kaveh glances at the other person.

A head of light blonde.

Has he seen that hair somewhere before?

The girl stops eating and looks at Kaveh. He doesn’t know what her face looks like and makes sure to stare at his food instead of her. Don’t bother the poor student with your depression.

Will Kaveh bother Alhaitham with his depression? Is he really allowed to go see him? Alhaitham said he was at the hospital on Tuesdays. So he should go see him tomorrow. Kaveh’s stomach churned.

Were they really going to be friends?

***

Kaveh is back home.

It’s weird, he was supposed to die today. Yet here he is, back in his cozy home, looking through some letters as he walked into the kitchen. - “Mom, I’m hom–!” - He’s suddenly hugged. What?

“Kaveh.” - His mother held him tightly. - “I’m so sorry for this morning. But I’m glad you’re here.”

His mouth fell open in shock. Still, he sets the letters aside and hugs her back. - “It’s okay.” - He whispers.

The woman gently brushes Kaveh’s hair with her fingers. - “But I don’t want the money in exchange for your life.”

He closes his eyes. - “..sorry.”

The two stand in silence, hugging for minutes. When they pull away Kaveh refuses dinner and heads straight for bed, hugging his pillow and keeping his eyes tightly shut. He felt miserable the whole day. All he could think about was that damn bridge, his poor mother and greyish-green eyes reflecting his own.

‘Okay. Let’s be friends.’

He let out a groan and curled in on himself more, trying to ignore how it was still light outside and he was rotting in bed. The thoughts haunt him until he falls asleep. And then he wakes up with them. Turns to the other side and falls asleep again. Wakes up when his mother yells his name.

“Time to wake up to school!”

Already? But he just left school…

It’s tuesday.

Days that are all the same. Nothing’s new. He groggily pushed himself up, hair falling over his eyes. He seriously needs a haircut.

He decides to leave his hair untied today. He can’t be bothered to look for a hair tie or clip.

Maybe he’ll put more effort in tomorrow.

“I’m up!”

Kaveh sits by the table in the kitchen and watches as the food is set down, his mother sitting in front of him.

“Thank you.”

The two start silently eating.

They ran out of topics a long time ago.

Kaveh is out of the door and on his bike just like any other day, music quietly playing in his headphones. Today it’s tuesday. He should go visit Alhaitham.

Yeah,, he said they could be friends.

Kaveh secures his bike in front of the school, only one thought in his head. He should see Alhaitham today.

“Hey, can I borrow your bike?”

The blonde slows down when he hears two other kids talking nearby.

“Um, what?”

He quietly glances at them. It’s some guy and a girl, both holding a bike. The girls bike. A head of light blonde. Has he seen that hair somewhere before?

“I need to go get something real quick!”

“Just use your own bike..”

“I don’t have one, that’s why I need yours!”

The guy yanks at the bike but the girl stubbornly holds it.

“What the heck?! Let go!”

“Just borrow it!”

“I don’t want to!”

Ah, Kaveh should leave. This really isn’t any of his business… he grips the strap of his bag turning to the school building.

“Somebody! Help me!” - She screams, just trying to keep her bike.

…oh god. The two are still yelling. It’s bound to get physical. Kaveh looks around. There were a few other people but no one was helping. He’s compelled to ignore them too, but he can’t move. There’s only one way he can go.

“Um..” - Kaveh walked up to the two. - “You can borrow my bike.” - He points to it, gaze firmly on the ground.

“Oh really? Thanks dude, you’re a lifesaver.” - The guy walks away and Kaveh just nods and turns to the school, leaving the girl without a single word.

***

He does not get the bike back.

Is this a sign? Should he not go see Alhaitham? He can walk there no problem, but now he’s going to be late and even more nervous than he already was.

Kaveh groans, kicking a rock as he walks. Maybe what he needs is an excuse. Perhaps that would make him feel better. But an excuse has to be believable,, believable and natural. He passes by a bulletin board. Believable and natural. He looks up. Believable and natural…

Get yourself a coupon for 1 FREE fluffy bread loaf!!! >>>

Kaveh’s eyes widened at the flyer. That’s it! He rips the last coupon and starts running to the address.

***

“I-is Alhaitham here?”

Kaveh hugs the bag with the bread sticking out of it, nervously shuffling. The girl who opened the door looks him over, narrowing her eyes. - “He’s not here yet.”

The blonde falters, glancing behind the girl and into the classroom. His eyes catch on a head of grey sitting by the desks, reading a book and slowly eating a snack. - “He’s right there…”

“No he’s not.”

Kaveh makes a confused sound, looking back at the girl. She’s ginger, with beautiful long and flowing hair, and bright blue eyes that were hostile towards him. She slightly shifts to cover his field of vision.

“Hey… are you actually Alhaitham’s friend?”

Kaveh’s mouth falls open, and he takes a slight step back. - “Um..”

The girl takes a step back. - “Goodbye.” - And slides the door slam shut.

He stares at the door number for a good few seconds, before slowly turning around and leaving. That… was awful. Who even was that? He trots down the stairs and walks outside, blankly staring at the ground.

Friends…

He rips a piece of bread and starts munching on it, walking back home.

Friends.

They weren’t really friends, were they?

Kaveh doesn’t have any friends.

He eats more of the fluffy bread.

“..there he is!”

Kaveh looks up at the yell, staring at a girl on the other side of the road. She’s looking right at him. Was there someone behind him?..

“Kaveh!”

His eyes widened.

The blonde girl waves to him, slightly jumping on her feet. She’s holding a bike upright with her other hand. Not just any bike. Kaveh recognizes the basket. That’s his basket. It’s the girl from school.

“Look! Look what I have!” - She grabs the bike's handles and looks both ways before crossing the street to get to Kaveh, a huge smile on her face. Her white skirt is dirty. - “Your bike.”

He finally seems to have found his voice. - “Where did you…?”

“It was dumped in a paddy field.” - She shook her head, pushing some hair behind her ear. - “I had to look everywhere.” - Brilliant gold eyes suddenly look right into his. - “But I’m glad I got it for you.”

Kaveh keeps staring, hugging the bread like a lifeline.

The girl tilts her head. - “What’s wrong Kaveh?”

“Oh, um..” - He places a gentle hand on the bike, looking over the girl. - “What’s your name?”

“Huh?!” - The girl jumps back, offended. - “Wh– it’s Lumine!” - She crosses her arms. - “I sit behind you in class, you know.”

“Oh. Right.” - No wonder she always seemed so familiar. - “Well.. Lumine. This bread.” - He holds it out for her. - “It’s really good. Do you want it? As a thank you.”

She looks bewildered but accepts the bread with a smile. - “You’re a funny dude.”

Huh?

Chapter Text

Kaveh tended to daydream about his childhood a lot. He was innocent yet passionate. Stupid yet determined. An ass but surrounded by friends. Until he messed it up of course.

Maybe his memory of friendship is a bit idealised but it’s one of the only happy memories he can use to pass the time. His earlier years were filled with loneliness due to his mother always working to provide and his father never being in his life. He was eight when a white-haired boy randomly approached a lonely Kaveh holding a ball in his hands, with one single question:

“Will you play with me?”

Cyno has always been a loner too but it was more out of the lack of social skills than bad luck. Kaveh later found out that Cyno had been wanting to ask someone to be his friend the whole week and when he finally gained the courage it happened to be Kaveh who was the only one alone. Two years later Tighnari moved into town and at that point Cyno had gained a lot more confidence to greet him. And that was their trio. Even if the other two grew closer to each other than Kaveh, he never felt left out. It was a good time.

What happened?

He wants to blame someone else. A silver-haired boy comes to mind.

‘Okay. Let’s be friends.’

Kaveh only has himself to blame though.

What goes around comes back around. He hasn’t had a friend since grade school. He doesn’t know how they work.

“Kaveh!”

The blonde slowed down when a girl yelled his name. Making sure he kept his balance on his bike he turns around and sees her trying to keep up with him on her own bike. Kaveh can’t help but stare at her.

Lumine is a beautiful girl, basically glowing. Her bright hair was silky and flowed in the wind, strands slipping from her bun. She has star hair clips keeping the hair out of her eyes. Her uniform was tidy and her bag was covered in cute pins and patches. Even her bike was clean. Kaveh felt weird next to her. He was as much of a mess as usual, with hair that hasn’t been brushed in a few long days and a uniform begging to get ironed.

Despite the way he looked, the girl rode next to him, giving a small wave. - “Good morning! Lovely day today, no?” - She glances at the sky, holding her hand up to shield her eyes from the sun.

He stares, dumfounded. - “Um, yeah, I guess.” - He stares straight ahead. - “Good morning to you too.”

The school is in their field of vision so they slow down to stop and put their bikes away. - “Hm.” - Lumine takes one more look at the weather, before tapping Kaveh’s shoulder to get his full attention. - “After school today. Let's hang out!” - She leans down to secure her bike. - “We should… I know! There’s this new movie I’ve been dying to see, but all my other friends are busy! You like romance, right? You seem like the type.” - She stands straight, hands out her hips. - “Let’s go to the cinema!”

“You want to see a movie?” - Kaveh’s bike stands unattended as he was too busy listening to the girl. - “With me?”

“Obviously!”

Huh?

***

The two spent the whole day at school together. Every break Lumine talked with Kaveh. At lunch she dragged him outside to eat. After school she keeps talking, not deterred by Kaveh’s constant confusion. She confidently leaves him with the task of getting their snacks while she sorts out the seats for the cinema. When he walks into the room he pales, realising it’s empty. Lumine doesn’t seem concerned. She jumps and waves to make sure Kaveh sees her, laughing.

“Look! We can sit anywhere we want!” - She twirls, motioning for Kaveh to come over and sit down.

When Kaveh watches the movie, he feels awkward. It’s just them. The cinema workers must think they’re so weird. He glances at Lumine.

The girl is so fixated on the movie, she forgets to eat the popcorn. She doesn’t mind that they’re alone. She seems to be just happy to spend time with Kaveh.

She doesn’t know what kind of a bad person he is yet.

Maybe she doesn’t have to know.

Kaveh sips his drink, trying to immerse himself in the movie rather than his anxieties. Surprisingly, it works. When the movie is over he realises he had a good time. He even shed a tear. Lumine was desperately holding back tears. When the lights came back on she got up and started walking out, humming to herself. When they were out she was talking without a care about who heard her. Kaveh was baffled.

Baffled.

Yet smiling.

Lumine is cute, she jumps when happy and is open about her interests. Kaveh wants to jump with her. Talk over her with friendly banter. Laugh without a care.

He’s getting ahead of himself.

The girl makes him sit down with her to get some fast food, not bothered at all by the amount of people around. Kaveh quietly eats, staring at his food while deep in thought.

“Why so quiet?”

He looks up at her. Lumine is gently tapping the tip of the straw of her drink, leaning her cheek against her other hand. Her gold eyes don’t leave his. They’re relaxed yet confident. The opposite of Kaveh’s eyes, that are all over the place.

“Oh, nothing.” - He shook his head.

Lumine pouts. - “Come on, talk to me. We’re like, best friends!” - They are? - “And I’m told I give fantastic advice.”

Kaveh hugs his arms. - “This might sound weird.. but what now?” - Lumine makes a confused face. - “Is there like,, requirements I need to fulfil to be friends?”

The girl stares, baffled. Almost as baffled as Kaveh is feeling in her presence. Lumine looks down, as if thinking about what to say, before suddenly leaning back and crossing her arms, gaze narrowing. - “Listen boy, let me show you something.” - She holds her hand out, like one would for a handshake.

Kaveh stares for a few seconds before slowly grabbing her hand. Lumine gives a firm grip before changing it to a fist bump, while Kaveh slowly follows.

The girl smiles. - “That’s it.”

“...huh?”

“That’s friendship. It’s easy.” - She folded her hands and leaned her chin on them. - “All you need is more than one talk and a nice handshake.” - Kaveh’s mouth slightly opens in surprise. - “There are no rules, no requirements. Friendship is something beyond all that, beyond even words!”

Kaveh keeps staring.

Lumine chuckles. - “You really are funny.”

***

‘All you need is more than one talk and a nice handshake.’

“He’s not here.”

‘There are no rules, no requirements.’

Kaveh stares at the ginger girl again, taking note of how her right eye twitches. She’s clearly annoyed with him coming back here. His gaze wanders behind her, seeing Alhaitham sitting in the room, reading a book again. Kaveh’s hugging a loaf of bread again. Alhaitham is eating a snack again. The girl is narrowing her gaze at him again.

“He’s right there.”

“No he’s not.”

The two stare at each other again.

Kaveh readjusts the bread loaf in his hands. - “Um, right. Who even—?”

“I’m Alhaitham’s girlfriend.”

The bread loaf falls to the ground.

“I– that sucks. For the bread! For the bread I mean!” - He scrambles to pick it up, turning red from embarrassment. - “Didn’t know he had anyone, haha… well, still.” - He stands straight and holds the food out. - “Please take it. It’s really good, I promise!” - He nervously keeps his gaze glued to the girl's shoes. They’re gold with white flower patterns.

“Look. If you’re here to just make yourself feel better, please leave.” - Kaveh flinches, eyes widening. - “...are we done here?” - He looks up at the girl, stuttering over his words with tears already in his eyes. The girl in front of him moves back to slide the door shut. - “Goodbye.”

A voice suddenly cuts through. - “Hey lady!” - The red-head is grabbed by her arm and yanked forward. - “Let Kaveh see who he wants to see!” - Lumine lets go of her and sternly crosses her arms.

“L-lumine?! What are you doing here?” - Kaveh stepped back in shock. The girl turns around and gives him a smile.

“I happen to come here sometime and saw you needed help!” - She blew some hair out of her eyes. - “I couldn’t help but overhear a little bit. And this girl! Is being rude!”

The red-head scoffs, mimicking Lumine’s pose. - “You’re both assholes.”

Lumine turns back to her, eyebrows furrowed. - “What did you just say?”

“I said you’re both assholes.” - The girl bit the inside of her cheek. - “I guess assholes stick together.”

“Oh I’ll show you asshole!”

Lumine suddenly shoves the red-head to the ground.

“That’s enough!” - Kaveh’s yelling falls flat as the red-head yells and slaps Lumine. The two start fighting. Lumine is more aggressive and the red-head tries her best to block her attacks, the two eventually stumbling to the ground. The people inside the classroom started noticing the commotion and walking up to the door.

Kaveh hugs the bread loaf and keeps yelling at his friend to stop, too scared to actually touch either of them. He gets even more desperate when he sees the amount of people watching. Amidst his panic he glances up at the people inside and suddenly freezes.

He makes eye-contact with Alhaitham’s grey-ish green eyes, which stare at him in shock. Kaveh stares back.

Kaveh backs away and suddenly turns on his heel and bolts. He can’t bear the attention. He can’t bear Alhaitham’s face.

The two girls keep yanking and pulling before Lumine notices someone running out of the classroom passing them. Something is off and she shoves the red-head off. - “Kaveh?”

The other stops, looking around. Blondies indeed gone. Suddenly dread fills her as she looks back inside the classroom. No Alhaitham to be seen either. - “Crap!”

The two scramble to get up, both dishevelled and a bit confused. Still, they run in an effort to catch up to the two until the red-head halts and runs to the balcony. She gets to the railing and leans out to see, Lumine following her line of sight.

“Damn, they met.” - The two are on a bridge over a pond, alone and unaware of prying eyes.

Lumine squints, trying to make out what the two are doing. - “Kaveh is waving his hands around.”

“He’s probably using sign language.”

“Wow.” - Lumine stands on her toes. - “I never knew he had that skill. Hey lady, do you understand sign language?” - She turns to the red-head. - “Tell me what they’re saying!”

The girl groans but doesn’t argue, taking out a phone and using her camera to zoom in and look at what Alhaitham was signing. - “Who was that asshole?” - And then to Kaveh. - “I have no clue.” - Lumine stares at the red-head. - “What a creep!”

“Lady!” - Lumine shakes her shoulders. - “Tell me properly!”

The red-head snickers but does focus back on the two. Kaveh is signing. - “I felt like I shouldn’t come see you.” - She leans further out, Lumine holding her shoulders to make sure she doesn’t fall. - “I’ve spent the past two weeks thinking about what friendship means.” - Kaveh’s sign language is awkward and a bit wrong and his hands are shaking. - “I was searching for a reason to meet you.” - Lumine’s fingers are digging into her shoulders as her grip tightens.

“Kaveh..” - She whispers.

The girl now focuses on Alhaitham, who has a wrinkled up notebook tucked under his arm. Alhaitham is almost equally as hard to read as Kaveh, due to his almost unmoving face. Luckily she knows him well enough. - “I am relieved.” - She rarely sees Alhaitham hesitate. - “Because I was thinking the same thing.”

Kaveh stares at the boy in front of him, as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He finally remembers the bread that’s haphazardly stuffed into his bag and quickly takes it out, holding it out. - “This is for you!” - He awkwardly tries to sign. - “Bread for the carp.”

Alhaitham takes it with eyebrows raised in slight amusement before breaking it in half and giving one to Kaveh. It’s an invite. Alhaitham turns to the water and looks down at the fish to start feeding them. Kaveh awkwardly joins. Everything he does is awkward when it comes to Alhaitham.

He stares at the fish. - “Is feeding them actually fun?” - Obviously Alhitham doesn’t answer. - “Hm.” - he grabs a bit of bread and eats it himself. - “I guess if you’re doing it then it must be.”

Alhaitham stops when his bread finishes and turns to the blonde. For a second Kaveh is scared Alhaitham somehow heard him. But the boy just takes the notebook from under his arm, holding it up. - “I haven’t read it yet.” - Kaveh pales. He watches Alhaitham open his grade school notebook and start flipping through the pages.

“Um, don’t– you shouldn’t read that.” - Kaveh reaches out in a panic to try and grab it. Alhaitham backs away. Kaveh drops his bread and tries to grab the notebook and Alhaitham keeps holding it up and away until they both stumble and Kaveh accidentally knocks it out of Alhaitham’s hand. The two watch it fall.

It falls into the pond.

Alhaitham suddenly moves away. Kaveh is about to turn and profusely apologise but he’s stunned when he sees Alhaitham swing his leg over the railing. - “Wh- what are you– wait!” - Alhaitham pushes himself over, jumping. - “Alhaitham!” - He tries to grab his hand as he falls.

He misses.

There’s a huge splash

Kaveh looks around in distress. What does he do?! He watches Alhaitham’s head push out of the water to breathe, and on a whim he disregards everything and follows. He jumps off the bridge too.

Instead of endless falling and pain he safely hits the water. His body is fully submerged. Hesitantly he cracks one eye open and sees a few fish swimming away from the commotion, leaving most of Alhaitham’s body in his field of view. He’s wearing dark blue trousers and a matching sweater, white dress shirt underneath. The tip of his shoes barely touch the seabed. His neatly buttoned dress shirt starts riding up because of the water. Both of Kaveh’s eyes widen and he chokes, flustered. He quickly swims back up, coughing and trying to catch his breath.

Rubbing his eyes he feels something on top of his head, gently taking the soggy thing off. - “Ew, what is..” - The notebook. He coughs, looking up at Alhaitham. - “I got it!”

The boy doesn’t notice the blonde, looking around and taking a deep breath, putting his head under the water.

“Alhaitham!” - Kaveh tries to move towards him.

The other's head comes up again and he coughs, taking another deep breath. Kave desperately tries to hurry up.

“Alhaitham!”

He grabs the other's arm, pulling him up from the water. Alhaitham stares, breathing heavily. Kaveh stares back. Until he finally smiles, holding the notebook up.

“I got it.”

The two swim to the edge and help each other out, both dripping wet. Kaveh is quick to give Alhaitham the notebook back, signing as soon as his hands are free.

“I’m so sorry I dropped it.”

Alhaitham shakes his head, gripping the poor notebook. He thinks about what to do before giving Kaveh a polite bow, pushing his bangs out of his eyes. It’s the first time since grade school that Kaveh sees both of Alhaitham’s eyes.

“Um,,” - Kaveh gently waves. - “Bye.”

The silver-haired boy shakes his head again. Kaveh can almost see a smile. - “See you again.”

The two girls were still watching from the balcony, staring at the two who walked the opposite direction. The red-head finally steps back, hands gripping the phone. - “Haitham is such a fool.” - She looks down at her phone, gaze narrowing.

***

‘See you again.’

Is Alhaitham really okay with that?

Kaveh walks through the school to his classroom, looking down at his hands. A peace sign, sideways. That means ‘See you again.’ He sits down by his desk. He should say it back next time.

Someone taps his desk.

Kaveh looks up at his classmate. What could he possibly want from Kaveh? - “Hey.” - The guy holds out his phone, a small smile on his face. - “Is this you?”

“Huh?” - He gently takes the device and looks over the Twitter post. His breathing stops.

It’s an image of him jumping into the pond, taken from above. It’s from yesterday, when he was with Alhaitham. The caption only said:

‘Anyone got balls to go against me? #toughguy’

“What.. what is this?” - Kaveh sets the phone down. Did everyone know? Did they think this was him? Who posted this?!

Everyone quiets down when a teacher suddenly walks in. Kaveh’s breathing gets faster. - “Kaveh Mehrak?” - He can’t breathe. - “Please come to the staff room.”

***

He got suspended for jumping into the pond when it’s banned.

Kaveh sits on a bench by the playground, away from anyone who goes to his school.

How embarrassing.

Kaveh hugs his knees. Lumine probably won’t want to talk with him when he comes back. No one will. He hides his face in his knees.

Someone walks by him. They stop. Kaveh looks up.

“Oh, it’s the asshole.”

Kaveh’s head tilts to the side as he looks the red-head over. - “...you’re Alhaitham’s girlfriend.” - He looks down. - “I’m sorry, I know I look like a mess.”

The girl stares at him, not sure how to react. - “...what are you doing all the way out here?”

“I got suspended.” - He laughs a bit. - “I can’t let anyone from school see me.”

“Suspended.” - She repeats, readjusting her bag. - “Because you jumped into the pond, right?”

“Mhm. You saw that Tweet.” - He slowly stands up.

“...” - She grits her teeth. - “Yeah. I’m the one who posted it.”

She waits for the yelling to start. She’s ready to insult him right back. All this serves him right. Kaveh stares at her for a while before sighing. A small smile on his face. - “Oh, I’m glad it was you instead of anyone else.”

“What?” - She stepped forward. - “Aren’t you angry?”

“Um… maybe?” - Kaveh throws some hair over his shoulder. - “But I know I had it coming. It’s okay. I can totally get why you did that. It’s good that you look after Alhaitham.”

The red-head’s shoulders fall. An awkward silence falls between them.

“...it’s getting late. And I think it might be raining.” - Kaveh awkwardly coughs, standing up. - “I should get back home. So should you. Do you live around here?”

“No.” - She looks down at her feet. - “I actually live with Alhaitham and his parents.”

“Then why are you all the way out here?”

“Alhaitham is angry with me that I posted that thing about you.” - She makes shapes in the grass. - “So I decided to give him space.”

“Oh.”

Silence.

“...have you eaten dinner?”

“No. Why?”

***

“Here you go dear.” - The woman placed the pancakes in front of the girl. - “Eat up.”

The red-head nodded. - “Thank you ma’am.”

The blonde woman smiled, sitting down with her own and Kaveh’s portions. - “I never got your name?”

“It’s Nilou.” - Her gaze flickers to Kaveh before back to the food, slowly taking a bite. - “Mm, this is really good.”

“Oh, I’m glad!” - The woman happily put her hands together. Kaveh watches with a small smile. - “Finally, my boy is making some friends. I am truly glad.”

“Ah, mom…” - Kaveh looked away embarrassed.

Nilou silently eats, watching. Guilt clearly tugs at her the whole time, especially when she makes her way upstairs to the boys room after he offers to lend his bed. Unlike back at the hospital she stays quiet. The boy is exhausted and falls asleep on the floor, with just a random pillow under his head. Nilou sits up on the bed, scrolling through her phone.

“How could you do something like that?”

Her gaze shifts to stare at the blonde again.

“You’re ruining his reputation and giving him more reason to be miserable! Haven’t you seen the way he tries?”

Alhaitham was so disappointed in her.

“And I want to give him this chance. All I wanted was to be friends.”

She was disappointed in herself too.

“Why would you ruin that for us?”

Us, huh? She puts her phone down and rubs her eyes.

She’s the asshole.

The girl gently slips out of the bed and room, grabbing her blue hoodie on the way out. It was raining but she didn’t deserve to leech off of Kaveh’s kindness. She’s almost immediately soaking wet but keeps walking forwards. It’s not a long walk but the cold is starting to get to her. Shivering, she checks her phone. 4:38 am. She unlocks it and goes onto Twitter, staring at the post.

Nilou stops, finger hovering over the delete button. This won’t change anything. Maybe it’ll even make things worse. Does Kaveh want this?

The rain suddenly stops.

“Hey, you scared me.” - She looks up, meeting Kaveh’s eyes under the umbrella. The idiot is still in a short sleeved shirt. The blonde tilts his head, yawning. - “You just disappeared.” - He shoves the umbrella handle into her hands. - “You’re dripping wet. Please take it.”

Nilou frowns. - “What about you?”

“I’ll be fine. Please, I don’t want you to catch a cold and worry Alhaitham even more.”

She stares, taking a deep breath and turning around with Kaveh still holding the umbrella. - “Walk me home? Don’t leave a girl alone in the middle of the night with an almost dead phone.”

Kaveh stutters, stumbling forwards with a nod. - “O-okay.”

The two start silently walking. Nilou messes with a strand of hair, glaring at the ground. - “...what are you doing?” - She suddenly stops.

Kaveh raises his eyebrows, stopping behind the girl. - “What do you mean?”

“Suddenly you’re Mr. Holier-That-Thou.” - Nilou hugs herself.

“I don’t—”

“You used to bully Alhaitham.” - Kaveh shuts up. - “..I know you used to bully him for being deaf.” - It stops raining. She moves out from under the umbrella to put some distance between them. - “And now you know sign language and think you’re a good person.” - She stares at him. - “You’re disgusting.”

Kaveh lets out a strained noise, lowering the umbrella to look at the girl's shoes again instead of her face. - “...yeah. Of course he told you.” - His breath shutters. - “That’s right. I am a terrible human being.” - He smiles out of pity for himself. - “I don’t deserve to live. I know. But at the very least I don’t want to make Alhaitham cry again.” - The blonde forgets how to talk for a second at the memory.

The kick the other gave him when they were twelve left nasty bruises. Their little fight in that empty classroom is something he thinks about a lot. He even dreams of it sometimes.

“I’m trying!” - Kaveh is older now and knows what the other was trying to say through his tears. - “I’m trying you know!!!”

He suddenly remembers who he’s talking to. - “I won’t try to get between your relationship or anything though!” - He shook his head, moving back. - “I… I understand your concerns though.” - He turns away, folding his umbrella and walking back home. - “I’m also scared.”

Nilou grabs his arm, searching his face the moment she can see it. He fears he’s about to get punched. - “...I told you to walk me home.”

So she forces him to walk with her until they reach the apartments. It’s past 5 am, so it’s getting bright. Luckily the rain hasn’t come back. The silence hangs heavy between them. Kaveh feels like he said too much.

“This is far enough.”

Nilou’s voice is enough to bring him back to reality, making him glance at the girl and give her a nod of agreement. - “Be safe.”

“Oh, right. Sorry to burst your bubble.” - She stands in front of him. - “I’m actually Haitham’s…” - She makes a hand motion. Sign language. Kaveh tilts his head, confused, and repeats the motion, trying to remember what it means.

“You’re…” - Suddenly it hit him and he covered his mouth in shock. - “You’re his cousin?!”

Nilou laughs, folding her hands behind her back. - “Now you know!” - She turns on her heel with a giggle. - “Later!”

She keeps walking, acutely aware of Kaveh’s shocked stare following her all the way until she was by her block. She gives him one last look before walking inside, hopefully giving him the memo to go home. When she makes it all the way up she only hesitates for a second before swinging the door open. The lights are on.

“I’m back!”

The first person to come out to greet him was Alhaitham’s mother who gave her a stern look. Before she could say anything Alhaitham himself peeked out from behind the wall. - “You’re back.” - He gave her a relieved smile. - “I’m sorry for making you run away.”

Nilou shook her head. - “You were right about what you said. I’m sorry too.”

Alhaitham’s mother passes the girl a towel. - “You should stay away from that boy.” - Nilou looks up at her, gripping the towel. She must’ve seen the two through the window. - “Tell that to Alhaitham too.”

“...that is for me to decide.” - She starts drying her hair. - “And Alhaitham. We will both decide for ourselves.”

Chapter Text

Kaveh often thinks back to his childhood and its innocence. He always thought he was indestructible. That, of course, got crushed. But it wasn’t when he lost his friends.

He remembers his mothers tired gaze as if it was yesterday.

Tired, sad, crushed. Her sense of indestructibility was also crushed. She was always working, always trying to make enough money for the two of them. Kaveh never realised how hard that was until she broke down crying when on the phone with someone, something about no longer getting money from ‘him’.

Kaveh is older now and knows she was talking with his dad. Back when he was a child, all he knew was that he never wanted to see his mother like that again.

He destroyed that dream.

“Hey.” - Nilou stands in front of the two, holding a lunchbox in her hands.

“Oh, it’s you again!” - Lumine crosses her arms. - “How are you holding up after I beat your ass?”

“Great because you didn’t.” - She walks up to Kaveh, handing the box over. - “Here. As a thank you for the food last week. Congrats about your suspension ending by the way.”

Kaveh opens the box with a shocked look, smiling at the homemade cookies. - “Thank you! But you didn’t have to.”

She rolled her eyes, turning on her heel. - “You’re going to the hospital, right? Then let’s go. Alhaitham should already be by the pond.”

The three walk together to the building, talking to each other and even laughing. It felt like they were actually friends. Maybe they were. Lumine was her talkative and optimistic self, seemingly having some sort of friendship with Nilou, who was becoming more and more open to talking with the blonde. Even Kaveh was getting included in the conversations. He has never reached the hospital so fast.

They immediately went for the bridge over the pond, seeing the grey-haired boy leaning against the railing and looking at the fish. He turned to them when he noticed them, gently waving. Lumine immediately had stars in her eyes, running up to the boy. - “Thank you for being friends with my best friend!”

Everyone else stood confused, especially Alhaitham, until Kaveh finally moved to stand next to the girl and sign what she’s saying. - “This is my friend, Lumine. She..” - Kaveh flushed, embarrassed. - “Say’s thank you for being my friend.”

Alhaitham looks back at the girl and nods with an amused smile. Lumine grins, patting Alhaitham’s shoulder before going back to walk around the place with Nilou. Meanwhile Kaveh fumbles and finally fishes out a cellphone, moving closer to Alhaitham.

“I have a phone.” - He started, showing the device. - “You have one too, right? I thought maybe you’d like to get someone's number, get some connections.” - He smiled, hopeful. Alhaitham didn’t think too long before nodding. - “Great! Who is it?”

“Aether.”

The blonde's mouth dries up. - “...from grade school?” - Alhaitham nods. - “Then I’ll try and get in contact with him.”

***

He barely even remembers what Aether looks like. Resting his chin in the palm of his hand, Kaveh looks out of the window in the classroom. His suspension was finally over and it was his first day back. And it was strange. He wasn’t too stressed about facing his classmates. He was quite relaxed, only really thinking about the boy from grade school.

Why did he ever even leave?

He remembers Tighari mentioning something about a rough family life. He probably switched schools after a divorce. Yeah, he remembers something like that.

He was Alhaitham’s only friend. Ah, now he feels like the shitty person he is again.

Kaveh’s gaze shifts when someone stops by his desk. - “Hey Lumine.” - He smiled a bit. - “Where did you and Nilou go the other day?”

“Oh, just to do some girl stuff!” - She giggled, waving her hand. - “We decided to leave you two cuties alone. Seems Nilou finally trusts you. Oh right, did you get his number?”

“N-no… I got too occupied with something else.” - He crossed his arms, looking down at his desk with a sigh.

Lumine tilted her head. - “It seems to be really weighing on you.” - She leans on her arms. - “What’s up?”

“I need to get in contact with someone from grade school. But I don’t know what he looks like, where he is, or even his last name!” - He groaned, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. - “Aether S… Aether Sta…”

“...Stella?”

Kaveh sat up. - “Yes! Aether Stella! That was his name. But how did you–?” - He turned to Lumine and immediately stopped when he saw her pale face. - “Hey, what’s wrong? Do you know him?”

The girl stared at him, taking a deep breath and slowly moving to sit at her desk. - “No, I don’t. Not anymore. But I know what school he goes to.” - She sets her bag on her knees and hugs it. - “You should know his last name is Caelus now.”

“I remember something about his parents divorcing.. Is that why his name changed?” - Lumine nodded. - “But still how do you know him?”

Lumine huffed. - “Wow, you seriously had no clue who you were going to class with, didn’t you?”

“Huh?”

“My full name. - She crossed her arms. - “Is Lumine Stella.”

***

Kaveh buys a ticket, looking it over just so he’s sure he bought the right one. It’s been so long since he’s been on the train. And he’s never been alone. There was just never a reason to. No friends, no outside family, no desire to explore. He was supposed to die a few weeks ago. Kaveh looks at all the people around him. He’s still here, just like everyone here.

He’s taken out of his thoughts when someone taps his shoulder. Out of the corner of his eye he sees the bright red hair and almost smiles. - “Nilou?” - He turns to her, only for his breath to hitch when he sees Alhaitham to the left and Lumine to the right of her.

The girl sighs. - “He really wanted to come, since he was the one who asked to see this kid.” - She points to Alhaitham before pointing to Lumine. - “She wanted to see you.”

Kaveh gives them an awkward wave, especially focusing on Lumine. After she told him Aether was her twin brother, Kaveh felt so stupid. Not only did he not recognise their last names, but now he can totally see the resemblance. It’s like he suddenly remembered what Aethers looks like. Lumine has his exact face, except older. Lumine’s cheeks are higher and eye shape sharper, but the rest? It’s like he’s staring at that poor kid again.

“Hey…” - Kaveh shifts a bit uncomfortably. - “Did you need something?”

Lumine stares at him for a few seconds before digging her wallet out, grabbing some cash and holding it out for Kaveh. - “Tickets aren’t cheap. And you might want to buy some food or drinks.”

“Wh-what?! No no no, I can’t accept this much money!” - Kaveh waves his hands but Lumine shoves the money into them.

“You’re not getting it for free!” - She huffed, looking away embarrassed. - “..you have to tell Aether I said hi. And that maybe… that we should try talking again.” - She nervously bites her lip. - “I’m too scared to ask myself.”

Lumine? Scared? Kaveh never even considered the other could be… She was so strong and unabashedly herself. But here she is, being vulnerable with him. Does she really trust him enough to show him such a side of herself? - “Ah, okay. Okay.” - He gently smiled. - “I will.” - Looking back up at Alhaitham he smiles even more, though his heart nervously beats. - “Let me buy your ticket and then we can go.”

The two end up almost being late to the train, standing by the door in relief and looking out of the window, admiring the view. The train is relatively full but the two comfortably stick together for the next half an hour. Kaveh’s gaze ends up wandering to Alhaitham from time to time, watching as the taller boy calmly watches the world go by. He looked so peaceful. So pretty. So calm because he trusts Kaveh to lead him the right way. He trusts Kaveh. He’s giving Kaveh a chance.

Alhaitham glances over to Kaveh and the blonde immediately looks away, hoping the other didn’t know he was staring. Since when did Kaveh think Alhaitham was pretty?

He awkwardly crosses his arms and looks at the ground, trying to hide himself from the world. He doesn’t notice Alhaitham shift and get his phone out until his own phone makes a sound. Taking it out he sees a message from an unknown number.

‘Lumine gave me your number.’

‘Thank you for helping me find Aether by the way.’

‘I am really grateful.’

Kaveh looks up at Alhaitham with wide eyes, who keeps his eyes firmly on his phone. It’s hard to tell because Alhaitham’s face is hard to read but Kaveh could see a hint of embarrassment. Alhaitham got flustered too, huh? Kaveh smiled a bit to himself.

The two got off when the train stopped. Aether apparently went to an ‘All Boy School’. Looking around, Kaveh saw a lot of people in uniforms, so they were probably from that school. Kaveh took his phone out, opening maps. - “Hopefully this won’t be too hard.” - The two got on the escalators, going down while people next to them went up to the platform. - “Let’s see..”

A boy with beautiful blonde hair is on the escalator up, strands of hair falling out of his long braid. He was basically glowing. His uniform was a little messy and his bag was covered in cure pins and patches. Some of his hair is held out of his face with a hair clip. Honey eyes glance at the two going down, suddenly gasping.

“Alhaitham?!”

Kaveh makes a confused noise, stepping off the escalator and turning around to look up, Alhaitham barely not walking into him. The boy's braid falls over his shoulder and reaches his waist, hair tie matching his silver earring. Kaveh can’t help but notice how the silver reflects in his eyes which almost look golden. A sense of deja vu washes over him.

It’s like he’s staring at Lumine.

Next to the golden boy is another boy, probably his friend, with dark cyan hair and highlights. He makes sure Aether steps off the escalator in time, the same confused look on his face that Kaveh had. Aether’s eyes widen as he keeps staring before raising his hands and waving. - “Hey! It’s me, from grade school!” - He moves to run down the escalator, his friend muttering a ‘wait!’ as he follows. When he finally reaches the bottom he looks between the two, smile falling. - “Kaveh..?”

“Um, hi.” - Kaveh awkwardly waves. - “Alhaitham wanted to see you.”

“But why are you here..” - He makes a sour face and Kaveh has the need to shrink in on himself. Aether shakes his head and turns to his friend. - “I’ll take the next train, alright Xiao?”

Xiao crosses his arms, giving Kaveh a suspicious look. - “Isn’t this..?”

“Yeah, from grade school.” - Aether smiled. - “I got it. It’s been years.” - He turns back to Kaveh, smile still strong. - “Good to see you.” - Kaveh slowly nods back, watching Aether wave goodbye to his friend and lead the two to sit down on a bench. Alhaitham sits in the middle, Kaveh on his left giving the two awkward looks and Aether on his right, comfortably bringing his legs up to crisscross. - “Long time no see.”

The two look shocked to see Aether knows sign language. Still, Alhaitham gently smiles and signs back. - ”Long time no see.”

Aether doesn’t miss the looks, giggling. Even his laugh is the same as Lumine’s. - ”I still continued learning. Is it good?” - Alhaitham nods and Aether proudly smiles for a few seconds before it falls, looking down a bit guilty at his hands. - “I disappeared when we were in grade school.” - He talks while signing, trying to make sure he doesn’t make a mistake. - “I moved out with my mom. I’m sorry for leaving you. I was too young to know what to do.” - Alhaitham slightly tilts his head as he watches, not showing what he’s thinking. - “I have been thinking about Alhaitham a lot recently. I’m really happy to see you again!”

”I’m happy to see you too. I’m glad it wasn’t too hard to find you. - Kaveh can’t help but notice how comfortable Alhaitham looks. He watches as the two talk, catching up about stuff like school or friends.

“What about you? Do you have a partner or someone you like?” - Aether smirks at Alhaitham.

Kaveh suddenly stands up.

“Um.. I’m going. To the restroom I mean.” - Kaveh nods to the two and tries to get away as fast as he can. He felt like he was listening in on a conversation not meant for him. He goes up the stairs, trying to see where he could take a walk. He just needed to clear his head, that’s it.

The blonde walks down the street, glancing at any shop he passed. Something colourful catches his eyes and he stops, looking closer at the flowers. A tiny plant shop, with a bunch of them displayed outside. He stares. Alhaitham comes to mind. Would he like flowers?

…what does Alhaitham like?

“I’m sorry sir?”

Kaveh almost jumps, looking around before seeing the girl who was talking to him. Her hair was green and tied into a low side ponytail and her eyes were a beautiful magenta, shyly looking up at him. But what really caught Kaveh’s gaze was the fact that she was in a wheelchair. He catches himself staring and focuses back on her face, guilty.

She smiles a bit. - “Could you please pass me that plant?” - She points to one of the taller shelves where a pot of lavender sits. Kaveh quickly nods, reaching up and passing it over, once again looking over at the flowers. White lilies. Would Alhaitham like them? - “Thank you so much.” - The girl looks down at the flowers before back up at Kaveh. - “Hey, I’m sorry if this is personal,, but are you okay?”

“Uh, what?” - What??? - “What do you mean?”

“Oh, you just–!” - She avoids his gaze. - “You seem so sad… and you keep looking at the flowers. Did something happen?”

Kaveh looks away, suddenly very aware of the way he looks. Does he actually look sad? Is he a mess? He put in effort today, braiding the front of his hair and tying it back and even using some makeup. He thought he looked nice. He forgot other people might stare. Did they stare? Did Alhaitham even like the way he looked?

“N-no, no, nothing happened… well, not anything life altering. It’s just a bit hard. You know?” - This poor girl must seriously regret talking to him. - “Life.”

“Well, yeah. Everyone goes through hard times. It’s really really hard. But I found people who are willing to help me.” - She glances at the doors of the shop. - “Like my brother. He’s inside the shop since, well…” - She motioned with her hands and her wheelchair. - “I can’t exactly fit. We’re looking for plants for my new room. He’s been here for me for so much of my life. And with my condition… I don’t know how I would survive without him.” - She smiles at Kaveh. - “You have people around who love you! Who want you to be strong! If not for yourself, then for them.”

He stares, slightly taken aback. - “That… yeah. That’s true. But how can you be sure people actually care for you?” - He looks back at the lilies. Could Alhaitham ever care for him like that? What about Lumine? Or even Nilou?

“...people are a lot more empathetic than we think.” - Does his mom care about him like that? Could anyone care about him like that? - “We care about each other. It seems like the least we can do for each other.” - His old friends? Cyno? - “Right?” - Tighnari?

“Collei!” - A boy exits out of the shop, voice soft yet nasally. - “Did you find what you… oh.”

Oh.

Kaveh stares. A boy with dark hair and a few dyed green streaks, matching the girl's hair colour. His hands rest on the wheelchair and he stares back.

“Mhm! I think the lavender is perfect.” - Collei looked up at him, holding the pot with both hands. - “This boy helped me get them. Ah… I’m sorry, I never got your name.” - She looked back at Kaveh. - “I’m Collei and this is my older brother, Tighnari.”

“...yeah.” - He whispered, backing away. Tighnari is staring at him with wide eyes. - “M-my name isn’t important though. I’ll be leaving. I’m sorry.” - He turns on his heel and quickly starts walking away, leaving Collei dumbfounded.

“W-wait! What about the lilies?!” - Collei reaches out after him but the blonde doesn’t look back. - “Oh.. it’s a shame. It looked like he wanted to buy them for someone.” - She looks back at her brother. - “Tighnari?”

He was still staring after Kaveh but slowly turned to his sister. - “...Collei.” - He grabs the lavender. - “Try to avoid talking to random strangers, okay?” - He smiles a bit. - “Especially weird ones.”

***

Kaveh returns to the station, just in time. Aether explains how he has to leave for his train and how they should get back too, spend their weekend resting up. Though he stopped Kaveh and made him give him his phone number. - “I know we weren’t friends.” - He talks while he shoots him a message to make sure the number is right. - “But Alhaitham speaks good of you. And I believe in second chances.” - Kaveh nods watching his and Haitham’s train stop by their platform. Aether stays behind to make sure they safely get on, waving after them.

And when he makes eye-contact with Kaveh he smiles. Oh, his smile. It’s different from Lumine’s. It’s softer and slightly turned down.

“Ah!” - Kaveh stands by the door, while they’re still open. - “Aether! I almost forgot!” - He holds up his phone, showing off Aether’s contact. - “I’ll message you her number!”

“What?” - Aether tilts his head.

“Your sister says hi!” - Aether’s eyes widened, doors slowly closing. - “You should try talking to her!!”

When the door closes all Kaveh has is the small windows, letting him see the short boy. Aether stares blankly at the train, hand over his mouth in shock while the other grips his phone. Kaveh smiles a bit, looking down to message Lumine’s number. When he looks back up Alhaitham is giving him a questioning look.

“Don’t worry about it.” - Kaveh feels genuinely happy when looking at the boy in front of him. - ”I’m sure Aether will tell you about it.”

Alhaitham slowly nods, turning his head back to the window. Kaveh’s gaze lingers. Should he have bought him those white lilies?

He hugs himself, looking down at his feet. No, he would have had to stick around while Tighnari was there. But… since when does he have a sister? The name Collei doesn’t ring a bell.

Kaveh spends most of the trip reflecting on that interaction.

When they get off they don’t get to walk together for long, needing to go separate ways. Kaveh tries not to stare after him for too long. He really doesn’t feel like going home yet, especially after putting in so much effort to look presentable. Well, maybe tomorrow he can spend all day in his room, not even looking at his phone. Kaveh nods to himself, turning the corner.

“Free coupons! Please, take one!”

A girl runs up to him and passes a piece of paper. Kaveh is too bewildered to say anything, looking between the coupon and the girl. He stops when he sees who the girl is. Her blue eyes widen when she sees him too. Quickly turning away she continues going up to more people, handing out more coupons. The world's angriest girl is wearing cat ears.

Dehya?

Aether, Tighnari, Dehya. What’s going on today? Is it because he finally left the house for more than just school? Or is the universe sending him a message?

Kaveh looks down at the coupon in his hands.

'⪩. .⪨ ♡ DISCOUNT COUPON!!!'

'Come on down to the Mew Mew cat cafe!! ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ'

'₊˚⊹♡ ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎'

He got Aether and Alhaitham together. He even got Aether to give him a chance. Should he do the same with Tighnari and Dehya?

Chapter Text

Kaveh doesn’t remember as much from grade school as he thought he did. He supposes that when most of it is spent alone in sadness, he pushes those memories out of his head. One thing he does remember is how close he was with Cyno and Tighnari. Never with the rest of his class.

‘Thank you for bringing me and Alhaitham together!’

‘You should come with us next time’

[ image ]

‘If karaoke isn’t your thing we’ll go bowling!!’

Kaveh's eyes scan over the messages.

‘Bring Lumine too’

‘Unless she doesn’t want to’

‘That’s okay too.’

The image is of Aether singing his heart out while Alhaitham is in the background trying to follow along. Kaveh almost smiles. Aether is so open and forward compared to grade school. The tables really have turned, huh?

He turns his phone around, looking under the case. He still had the discount coupon. Can he really reconnect with Dehya too?

If he could then maybe he could do the same with Tighnari?

Dehya covered her mouth. - “That’s too far Kaveh.”

“You naughty, naughty boy.” - Tighnari laughed.

Yeah, he thinks he’s taking his hopes too far too.

“What’s that frown for?”

He looks up at Lumine, the girl tilting her head as she stands next to his desk. She’s wearing a blue cardigan over her school uniform today and her hair is let down over her shoulder. As usual, she’s gorgeous. - “I’m just thinking.”

“About what?” - She sits on his desk. - “Come on, we’ve been friends for so long already! You’re seriously still hesitating to tell me stuff?” - She pouts, raising an eyebrow. - “Let me guess. You’re thinking about how to get Alhaitham in touch with more people?”

“Haha… kind of. I saw an old classmate. She works at a cat cafe. I was thinking of maybe trying to reconnect… and apologise for grade school.”

“Apologise. Right.” - Lumine doesn’t know the whole story. She never asked, it seems personal. But she connected a few dots here and there. And she still stuck around.

“I know we weren’t friends.” - It’s not hard to imagine Lumine saying it. - “But Alhaitham speaks good of you. And I believe in second chances.”

“How about we check it out after school together?” - Lumine played with a strand of hair. - “I want to help you.”

Kaveh smiled. - “Thank you so much.”

***

Nilou hums and taps her foot to the music playing in her headphones, closing her eyes. The street she was walking on was empty, so she was more comfortable moving her body to the melody.

“You’re a good dancer!”

She stops, turning red and turning around to face the blonde. - “You– I wasn’t dancing!”

“Yes you were.” - Kaveh smiled, walking over with his bike by his side. - “Maybe you just didn’t realise.”

She rolls her eyes, fully taking off the headphones. - “Why are you on this side of town?”

“I went to a cat cafe with Lumine.” - Kaveh kept up with her, raising his arms to tie his hair back. - “Meeting up with Aether got me thinking about my old classmates.”

Nilou bites her cheek. - “From grade school? You want to reconnect with them?”

“I feel like I owe it. I was an asshole. If it hadn't been for me… everyone could’ve been friends with Alhaitham.”

“Still trying to prove yourself, huh?” - Nilou crossed arms. - “Why are we suddenly talking about this?”

“Because we went to the cafe to see a girl named Dehya. But… she wasn’t there.” - Kaveh shrugged, putting his hands into the pockets of his trousers. - “But there was something.” - Nilou gives him a curious look as he pulls out a grey cat pouch with a bored yet cute expression on it. - “Do you think Alhaitham would like this?”

“Aw!” - The girl took it, smiling. - “Adorable. Yes, I think he would.”

Kaveh brightened up. - “Then– could you give it to him please? Say it’s from me? I’m a little embarrassed to do it myself…”

The red-head raised an eyebrow, a bit of mischievous grin on her face. - “Oh? Embarrassed?”

“What does that tone mean?”

She snickered, pocketing the gift. - “Nothing. It’s a cute gift. I’ll be sure to give it to him.”

The two soon part ways with a friendly hug near Nilou’s apartment, Kaveh getting on his bike and riding off with a wave. The girl climbed up the stairs and almost burst into the house.

“I’m home!”

No one answers her though. The red-head looks around, smile falling as she walks through the eerily quiet house, eventually reaching her and her cousin’s room. She’s almost relieved to see the other lying in his bed, back facing her. His book has been discarded for about two days now on his bedside table. Instead of reading he is on his phone, scrolling through social media. His view is obscured by a cat face.

Alhaitham turns around to look at Nilou’s smiling face, the girl dropping the pouch on his chest. - “Someone got you a gift.”

“You?”

“Kaveh.”

He looks at the gift, a grumpy yet cute face staring back at him. He picks it up and without even a thank you turns back around to his phone, holding the gift with his other hand.

Nilou’s smile drops and she stands staring for a while before turning around. - “I’m glad you like it.” - She sits down by her desk. - “But you should get out of bed at some point.”

***

Kaveh sits on his bike, waiting for the light to change. He’s so tired.. School is really taking a toll on him again. It was going so well too. He supposes the high he got from getting to know Lumine has worn off. Not to say she isn’t amazing. Maybe he’s growing tired from all the people he’s been meeting recently. He’s forgotten how introverted he actually is.

It hasn’t always been like this.

He used to be open.

The light turns green.

“Hey.”

Kaveh violently stops, a hand being suddenly placed on his shoulder. - “Huh?!” - He turned to the voice, heart dropping. Those bright blue eyes stare at him again. - “Dehya?”

The girl brings her hand back and rests it on her hip, tilting her head. She’s wearing a black jacket over a red sports shirt, showing off her belly button piercing. Her jeans were matching her cardigan with a bunch of stuff in her pockets and her hair was messily brushed into a side part. She was absolutely gorgeous. Even Kaveh’s heart jumped.

The girl smiled. - “It’s been a while!”

“Y-yeah… I– I wanted to see you at the cat cafe!”

Dehya flushed and shook her head, raising her hands. - “Don’t say that so loudly! I don’t want everyone to know, dammit.” - She looked away, hugging herself. - “But yeah, I saw you last week. You got a coupon.”

Kaveh nodded, looking away too. He didn’t think about what he’d say to her when he finally met her. - “...Im sor—”

“Sorry about grade school.” - She beat him to it. - “I’m not saying you didn’t deserve it. But we were all little assholes.”

“And the girls made fun of him too!”

Dehya, who was sitting in front of him, turned around and was offended. - “How could you say that!”

“But it’s true!”

Candace started crying. - “How can you- how can you blame us for your bullying?!”

“...do you still talk with anyone from grade school?” - He plays with the handles of his bike.

“If you’re talking about Cyno or Tighnari then no, I don’t. I’ve seen Tighnari walking around from time to time with a girl in a wheelchair. Haven’t seen Cyno around though.” - Kaveh has seen him though. They’ve been going to the same schools since always. Grade school, middle school, now high school. They pass each other in hallways. His rumours have quieted down though. - “But me and Candace go to school together. We talk sometimes.”

“You do?” - Kaveh looked back up at her. - “Then… is there a possibility of me meeting her? I just want to apologise for grade school.”

Dehya stares at him for a while before slowly nodding. - “Yeah, I’ll talk to her about it.” - She takes her phone out. - “I’ll give you my number? And I'll let you know what she says.”

“Oh, yes!” - He also takes his phone out, typing out the number the girl was showing him. Dehya stays silent, thinking and looking him over.

“...you’ve changed a lot.”

Kaveh puts his phone down. - “Is that a bad thing?”

She shrugged. - “I don’t know. You were really loud. And now I barely noticed you.” - She pockets her phone, pushing some hair out of her eyes. - “Straighten your back, will you?”

The blonde slowly sits up on his bike. - “R-right.”

“Why do you want to apologise for grade school all of a sudden?” - Kaveh opens his mouth to respond but nothing comes out. Dehya seems to already know the answer though. - “Is it because of Alhaitham?”

Kaveh looked down with a flinch, gripping the handles.

“Have you apologised to him yet?”

“I–”

“Oh.”

He looks up at Dehya, before following her gaze. She was staring at something behind him. Someone. Someone walked up to them, stopping nearby, hesitant. Tighnari looks between the two, tightly gripping the strap of his bag. Kaveh stares back.

“..hi.”

“Hi.” - Tighnary bites his lip, shifting on his feet. - “You were talking with my sister.”

“...yeah. I was.” - Kaveh glances at Dehya before back at the boy in front of him. - “We just talked.”

The fox-like boy crosses his arms. - “I’ve seen you around at the hospital with Alhaitham.” - Kaveh almost falls off the bike. - “And now you’re talking with my sister, and walking around with all sorts of new people after years of not a sound from you.” - He turns to Dehya. - “And old classmates too.”

The girl gives the boy a hard look, standing tall. - “Got a problem? And what do you mean Alhaitham?” - She looks at the blonde. - “You’re not just apologising for him.. You’re becoming friends with the kid you bullied?”

Kaveh suddenly gets off the bike, standing between the two. - “At least I try to do something! At least I feel sorry. You came to apologise to me, but what about Alhaitham? Have any of you apologised to him?!” - Dehya raises her hands in surrender and Tighnari stands back. - “You have no right to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do. And why do you care now?” - He specifically turns to Tighnari.

“C-Collei wanted me to ask about you! She was worried because you apparently ‘looked sad’.” - He hugged himself. - “I wanted to tell you to stay away.”

Kaveh’s anxiety grows. - “Who are you to tell me who I can and can’t talk with?! All you’re telling me is that you have a lovely sister and that you haven’t changed a bit.” - He pushes past Dehya as he gets back on his bike. - “I’m sorry about how much of a dick I was in grade school. And I’m sorry that you’re still a dick!” - He rides across the street while the cars are standing, leaving the two. The guilt hits him immediately but he would rather a car hit him than turn back around.

***

Kaveh thinks about that exchange all week. And then the weekend. He just confronted two people from his past and it ended disastrously. So he stays in bed, replaying it in his head despite how much it makes his head hurt.

The only thing that makes his thoughts come to a halt when someone opens the door to his room.

“Kaveh.” - His mother leaned against the door frame. - “What have you done today?”

“Hm?” - He sat up, only in an oversized shirt that he sleeps in and hair held out of his face with a headband. - “I didn’t do anything? Why, what’s wrong?”

“That’s what’s wrong.” - She frowned, crossing her arms. - “I checked your grades. They’re getting worse again. And you’re not even going out with your friends. What’s going on with you?”

The blonde stops, staring at her.

“We had a fight about this mom.”

He wants to desperately tell her what he’s thinking.

“I want to die.”

“It didn’t stop overnight. No matter how much I sleep I’m still tired.”

But he just looks down, playing with his hands. He can’t look at her.

“I want you to try and put more work into school. And you’ve been hauled up at home, you could’ve at least helped around the house.” - She shakes her head, turning around. - “You know it’s just us, right? It’s just you and me here. No siblings, no father, no other family.”

“..I’m sorry.”

“I’m not angry with you. Just disappointed. I just thought I raised you a bit better.” - She leaves the door open.

Kaveh stays in bed, still staring at his hands. He thought his mother and him were on good terms. He thought he was doing good. Why did she suddenly come and tell him this?

Why is his life suddenly falling apart? Wasn’t it okay just a week ago?

Kaveh doesn’t remember as much from grade school. But he remembers most of it was spent alone in sadness, all the days blending in together. He remembers how it all fell apart in one day. Is that what is happening right now? Can he do nothing to stop it?

He gets out of bed and puts on something a bit more appropriate before getting out of his room and silently leaving his house, his mother not noticing due to her working. She’s a hairdresser, conversing happily with a customer. Like nothing ever happened.

He just needs to get away. He needs some breathing space.

So, he bikes to the park where he had his first one-on-one talk with Nilou, back when he still thought she was Alhaitham’s girlfriend. He leaves his bike by the bench and sits down, bringing his knees up and hugging them. The sun is setting and there’s no one around. He’s on the other side of town, alone.

He should kill himself.

Kaveh buries his head in his knees, gritting his teeth. How could he? How could he do that to his mom? He’s useless. He’s the worst thing to ever happen to her. To everyone. He’s ruined so many lives. He’s scared of death but he can’t bear to live knowing this is what he is. This disgusting piece of shit.

A sob finally breaks out and he starts to cry, as ugly as he is. He’s only good at being miserable it seems. He thought he was getting better, he really did. He was meeting people, discovering new things, trying to put himself out more. But he’s still miserable. Nothing ever changes.

His crying gets louder and he can’t stop. Can’t the earth just swallow him up whole?

Something is put down next to him. Kaveh jumps, wiping his eyes and glancing over, the lower half of his face still covered by his hands.

A pack of tissues. Next to the bench someone stops. Kaveh looks up.

“Oh, it’s you. Can’t you leave me alone?”

Tighnari looks down at the pathetic blonde, frown evident. - “...not when you’re like this.”

Kaveh sniffles, still wiping his face. - “Oh give me a break! I don’t need your pity..” - He looks away, hoping the boy takes a damn hint.

He doesn’t. Instead he sits down on the free space, hands on his lap.

Silence.

“....I’m sorry.”

It’s so quiet, Kaveh almost misses it. - “What?”

“I’m– I’m sorry.” - Tighnari’s voice cracks and Kaveh looks at him. The boy is now covering his face. - “I’m so sorry Kaveh. I am so sorry!” - He also starts crying. - “I was scared. I was really scared back then, i-in school. I never wanted to hurt anyone. But I just didn’t know what to do!” - He pulls his hands back to fan at his face, trying to stop his crying. - “I never got a chance to tell you guys.. While that was all happening, my parents adopted Collei. I was so angry. I hated her.” - It doesn’t work and he keeps crying even harder.

Kaveh can’t help but keep staring at the others' blue eyes. Kaveh has always thought the others' eyes were beautiful. Blue, his pupil outlines in brown. Tighnari called it heterochromia back in grade school. They’re filled with sadness now.

Has he ever really known him?

“I hated everything. Home, school, myself. I told Cyno how much I regretted not helping you out. He told me he hated me.” - He laughed, pinching his temple as he kept crying. - “I sobbed like a baby. But Collei helped me. She was really just trying her best. Pathetically enough, she reminded me of Alhaitham. That’s why I was angry that you started hanging out with him.” - He rubbed his eyes, hunching over. - “...whenever I think back to the past, it’s like it wasn’t me. It’s like I was just a bystander. The good guy.” - He shook his head. - “It’s wrong. It’s wrong to pretend like that wasn’t me. I can’t pretend I didn’t hurt people, no matter how much I never want to do that again!”

He finally looks up at Kaveh.

“I’m just a bad person. I hate it and I hate me for you. I’m sorry.”

Kaveh sits a bit straighter.

“...you’re nowhere near a bad person.” - He finally moves, placing a hesitant hand on his shoulder. - “Hating yourself, Tighnari,, it’s too cruel. And I could never hate you either.” - Kaveh takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. - “You’re right, we were just kids. We made mistakes. That doesn’t make them okay, but… it’s our actions that define who we are, no matter how late in life. And it's up to the people we hurt to decide if they hate us or forgive us. And being okay with that is part of moving on.” - He opens his eyes, tilting his head at the boy.

Tighnari is staring at him, holding his breath.

“So, thank you for saying sorry.” - Even if he doesn’t feel like he deserves it. -”It means a lot.”

The boy suddenly hugged him. Kaveh was stunned, but slowly hugged back. It felt nice. Warm yet desperate. When was the last time someone hugged him like this?

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” - Tighnari eventually pulled away, eyes red from crying but a smile on his face. - “I’m sorry for dumping all that on you. But I feel a lot better.” - He put a hand on his chest, taking a deep breath. - “What about you? Are you okay?”

“Hm? Why are you asking?”

“You were crying.” - Tighnari nervously laughed, though his smile fell and he looked to the side. - “You’re not doing too well, are you? Emotionally, I mean.”

Kaveh pulled back. - “...am I obvious?”

“It was more of a guess. I’m putting myself in your shoes, despite not knowing much.” - Tighnari plays with a strand of hair. - “I’ll admit I don’t know who you are. I’ve only seen you in passing. But.. everyone has problems. It’s why we empathise with others.”

Mhm. Collei is definitely Tighnari’s sibling. Kaveh shook his head. - “I was just feeling overwhelmed. But I’ll be fine. I feel better already.”

“Well, crying is a very good way to let out emotions! You usually feel good after it.”

“Do you feel good now?”

Tighnari smiled. - “Yeah. I do.”

***

“Well, you’re finally up dear.”

Alhaitham waves to his grandma, hair messy and in his pyjamas. He rounds the table and sits down, pouring himself some tea. - ”You should be sleeping.”

“Hm, are you wearing your hearing aids? Or are you going to make an old woman move her hands so much?”

The grey-haired boy frowns, looking down at his cup. - ”Only for you.”

“And why only me?” - The woman hums, smiling knowingly. - “Didn't you used to tell me all about how you would learn how to speak?”

He pouts, almost blushing in embarrassment. - ”I was a child.”

“You can still learn it. Don’t you have people who want to hear your voice?”

”I’m too tired to learn how to do it now.”

“Hm! Too tired he says!” - She takes a sip of her tea. - “All he does is lie in bed all day and he’s tired. You haven't even been going anywhere with your cousin recently. Why’s that?”

”She has her own friends.” - He shrugs, tapping his fingers against the table before leaning back. - ”The world is too loud anyway.”

“That is true. But we learn to pick out the most important voices.” - She pushes herself up. - “Now, it’s almost midnight, boy, so this old lady is getting to bed. Why don’t you go out somewhere tomorrow? Because no matter how much you stay in bed and sleep, you will still be tired.” - She offers a warm smile before slowly walking to her room, leaving her empty cup behind.

Alhaitham stares after her, taking out the hearing aids once he knows he’s alone.

Grandma says to just put himself out there.

He’s afraid there's not much to show.

But the guilt of making someone worry over him still lingers, eating away at his dreams. He cannot bear to go to sleep just yet.

Chapter Text

Kaveh has recently been thinking a lot about his old friends. It’s because of his recent run-ins.

Tighnari and him haven’t talked since that evening at the park, but Kaveh can’t help but feel more at peace. He’s confident they will meet again, on better terms. Or at the very least, Kaveh will notice the boy, just as he has somehow noticed him, despite all these years.

“You look dead.”

Kaveh smiled a bit, turning around to face the girl that sits behind him. - “I feel dead. Went to sleep way too late and almost didn’t get out of bed this morning.” - He pouts, Lumine chuckling. - “Had a long weekend. What about you?”

“I went out with my friends from another school!” - The girl looks down at her phone. - “And, um.. maybe making plans to meet up with Aether.”

Kaveh lit up. - “Really? Oh, that’s amazing!”

“Ugh, I’m so nervous though!” - Lumine leaned back in her seat, groaning. - “I don’t even know how to talk with him! Or what kind of a person he is!!”

“You’re siblings. You worry too much.” - Kaveh turns back around to his desk and starts pulling out his notebook. - “Plus, I have a feeling he’s just as nervous as you are.”

All he hears is Lumine still groaning before she stands up. - “I’m gonna go have a breakdown in the bathroom.” - He laughs at the overdramatic girl, flipping through his notes.

“I’m not angry with you. Just disappointed. I just thought I raised you a bit better.”

Suddenly his good morning is ruined.

“You were crying.” - He solved Tighnari’s issue and almost forgot about what was really plaguing his heart. - ”You’re not doing too well, are you? Emotionally, I mean.”

Is he really obvious?

If so, why can’t his own mother see?

When someone stops by his desk, he doesn’t bother looking up, already knowing that it’s Lumine.

“Kaveh Mehrak?”

…that isn’t her voice.

No, no, it’s someone else's voice. Someone he didn’t think would ever talk to him again.

Kaveh looks up and indeed sees those red eyes staring back at him.

Holy shit.

“...yes?”

The white-haired boy looks down at him, arms crossed and frown evident. His bangs cover the left side of his face, though not enough to hide his incredible eye colour. They wear the same school uniform but the boys is much neater than Kaveh’s. - “..hmph. So this is.. Whatever.” - Cyno shaked his head. - “Listen. Sethos wanted me to ask you.. If you’d be his friend.” - He glanced back to the doorway.

Kaveh almost doesn’t move. It takes a lot of courage to tear his gaze away from Cyno and look at the boy waiting by the classroom.

He sometimes forgets Cyno goes to the same school as him. As fate would have it, they always go to the same schools. Never talked though. But whenever Kaveh did see Cyno around, he would sometimes be followed by the boy waiting for him right now. Brown hair with mocha coloured ends and bright green eyes with matching earrings. Definitely a year or two younger. The boy notices him and waves.

“Wait, what?” - Kaveh just realised what Cyno said to him. - “He wants to be my what?”

Cyno goes back to staring at him, a shadow falling over his face that makes him look almost terrifying. - “Friend.”

***

“This is where we usually hang out.” - Kaveh reached the back of the hospital, making his way to the bridge. He’s never been more thankful to see Nilou and Lumine already there, waiting. Lumine finished lessons earlier than Sethos but Kaveh promised he'd wait for the boy. Since he wanted to be his friend.

The reason Kaveh is so tense though is that Cyno is literally right behind them, barely a word spoken. He’s just waiting to be quite literally stabbed.

“This place is really pretty.” - Sethos looks around the garden. Once they reach the bridge Kaveh is the one to wave first, earning a wave back from his friends.

“You probably already know Lumine. And this is Nilou.” - He motions.

Lumine grins and immediately starts talking with the brunette, giving Kaveh a moment to stand back and take a breather. He’s soon joined by Nilou, who leans her back against the railing as she watches the two talk. - “Here I thought you were a loser. Yet you keep coming back with new people.” - She plays with a strand of hair. - “But who’s the emo one?”

Kaveh hugged himself, string at his feet. - “That’s Cyno.”

“Cyno? As in you, Cyno, Tighnari? Back in grade school?”

He glances at the girl. - “So you know?”

“Those are the only three names I know from Alhaitham’s grade school. Even Aether slipped my mind. Or maybe Alhaitham never mentioned him.”

“Speaking of which. Where is Haitham?”

“He said he wasn’t feeling well. Didn’t show up today.”

Kaveh frowns. - “Is he doing okay? We haven’t talked since our small trip.”

“Not really. His mood has been down recently.” - Nilou sighed, but didn’t explain further. - “He likes the gift though.”

“I’ll invite him personally next time we meet up then.” - Kaveh looked up at the two talking, accidentally catching eye-contact with Cyno. The other keeps staring…

Nilou leaned in closer to Kaveh, keeping her voice low. - “You gonna try and win him back too?”

“Cyno?” - He mumbled, trying to instead stare at Sethos and Lumine.

“I hated everything. Home, school, myself.” - Kaveh and Cyno? Friends again? - “He told me he hated me”

“Never happening.”

“Hey!” - Lumine runs up to them, Sethos by her side. - “We were talking about how the long weekend is coming up! And how we should all hang out.”

“Mhm! The theme park is still open.” - Sethos put his hands together. - “Lumine mentioned wanting to meet up with a new friend so this is a perfect chance to get as many people together and have a fun time!”

Kaveh raised his eyebrows. - “You two become friendly fast, huh?” - He takes his phone out. - “But it sounds fun.”

“I could finally drag Alhaitham out of the house.” - Nilou puts her hands on her hips.

“Yes! I want to meet him too!” - Sethos misses the way Cyno’s tough demeanour falters. But Kaveh doesn’t. - “Let’s do it!”

***

‘Aether and Lumine are going to meet up’

‘She said anyone who wants can join in because Aether has a friend tagging along too’

‘You should come’

‘It’s gonna be at the theme park, next town over’

‘Nilou said she knows exactly how to get there by train’

He keeps staring at Kaveh's contact name. He’s so tired… too tired to be here. But there’s a bigger problem.

It’s too loud.

Alhaitham puts his hands gently over his ears, closing his eyes. Wearing his hearing aids in such a crowded place was a bad idea, and he knew it.

But grandma really wanted him to. He couldn’t say no. And he definitely couldn’t lie to her.

“You good?”

He looks at Nilou before nodding, hesitantly looking back at the park. - ”Nervous.”

“You’ll be okay.” - She took his hand, dragging him along as they searched for the group. - “Plus, aren’t you excited? You’ll finally know what everyone sounds like.”

Alhaitham didn’t answer, instead focusing on not bumping shoulders with anyone. He’s scared he’ll hear something he’s not supposed to. Nilou eventually finds Lumine, the girl shaking in excitement and fear as she hugs her friend. Behind her is Kaveh and a brunette boy he doesn’t recognise, as well as… Alhaitham’s mouth slightly opens.

“You have to promise me that when he comes you stay by my side, okay?!” - Lumine shakes Nilou’s shoulders, the ginger nodding and laughing. Thankfully Kaveh comes up to the grey-haired boy, giving a warm yet nervous smile.

”Hey.” - Kaveh starts signing but Alhaitham raises a hand to stop him. He wants to tell the other he can talk. He wants to force a voice out of himself. But he knows that when it comes to Kaveh, all he can do is stay silent.

”...you can talk.”

Kaveh blinks, tilting his head. It’s endearing. - “You can hear?”

Alhaitham slowly nods, taking in the sound of the others' voice.

“That’s amazing!” - Kaveh smiles, maybe even more excited than Alhaitham is. - “That’s– you’ll get to hear everyone! I’m so glad.” - And the blonde sounds sincere too.

He’s loud. His voice is a little deeper than he anticipated but it suits him beautifully. Hell, the blonde looks beautiful today too. He really put in the effort to look nice and it definitely worked. Alhaitham smiled at him.

His small moment comes to a stop when the young brunette approaches him, politely holding his hand out. - “Hey! I’m Sethos. Nice to meet you!” - Alhaitham tilts and slowly takes his hand.

“Oh, let me explain.” - Kaveh stood next to Alhaitham. - “Sethos, this is Alhaitham. Alhaitham, this is a new friend of mine. He’s the one who came up with the idea of a meetup.” - Kaveh glances at Cyno, but never introduces him, just kind of hoping it didn’t turn awkward. - “Don’t get offended by the lack of response.” - he slowly continues, fully looking at Sethos. - “Alhaitham doesn’t talk.”

The grey-haired boy almost flinches at the remark. He knows the other didn’t mean anything negative. But,, - “Uh-huh! Got it.” - Sethos nods. He notices someone behind the two and tilts his head, eyebrows furrowing. - “Hey, that guy looks just like Lumine!”

Everyone turns to see Aether walking up to the group, waving. He’s holding his friend's hand to not lose him, the boy looking at everyone a bit suspiciously. Lumine is quick to be the first one to wave back, trying to stop herself from jumping on her toes. Today she’s wearing a white dress with a few pieces of jewellery. Even her nails are specially painted for today.

“Hello!” - The boy greets them when he reaches them, playing with his braid. He’s wearing a loose brown shirt and knee-length pants, in order to not suffocate in the heat. His friend seems to not care though, wearing all black. Almost admirable if not a little emo.. - “Is everyone here?” - Aether seems to notice Cyno but doesn’t draw any attention to him, something Kaveh is thankful for. He almost feels bad for Cyno, seeing as everyone is so awkward around him… almost.

“Yep.” - Nilou answers. - “Nice to meet you dude.”

The group talks for a little while longer before finally moving to get to the first ride available. A roller coaster. Both Aether and Lumine immediately want to go and everyone joins them. Of course they’re still too shy to sit next to each other…

Aether takes the front row before anyone else can, and without really thinking it through, Kaveh sits next to him. Behind them sit Nilou and Alhaitham, the grey-head definitely way more nervous than the ginger. Cyno sits with Sethos and Lumine gets sat with Xiao, the girl trying to strike up a friendly conversion.

Kaveh can’t lie and say he isn’t nervous too though.

He grips the hand rail, glancing at the blonde. - “I hope you don’t mind me sitting with you.”

“Huh? No, not at all.” - Aether smiles, staring ahead at the rail.

“...you don’t mind Cyno tagging along, right?”

“Not at all.” - He repeats. - “Are you nervous?”

“Y-yeah…”

“You seem it. Just like when you came to see me with Alhaitham.”

Kaveh stops breathing for a brief second, turning to stare at Aether. The boy keeps looking forward.

“It was pretty obvious.” - He laughs. - “I was nervous too. And when I saw Cyno, I got just as nervous as you did back then. It really feels just like getting on a roller coaster.” - The wagons start moving forward, and Kaveh’s grip tightens. Aether leans back in his seat. - “I used to be terrified of roller coasters. Back in grade school. I was a coward, you see.” - They start climbing up. - “But then I tried changing my perspective a little. I figured I could decide if it was scary or not after giving it a chance.” - Aether finally turns to look at Kaveh too. - “I’m still scared though.”

The brilliant gold doesn’t hide the fear in his eyes. Still, the boy smiles as the roller coaster slows.

“Here it comes!”

And they drop. Everyone yells and Kaveh almost closes his eyes out of fear but he’s too fixated on the boy next to him. Aether screams, laughs, raises his hand above his head as he puts his full trust into the wagons to hold him. He’s simply here for the ride.

Kaveh admires him.

He’s too much of a coward to let go.

They get off in one piece, though some are a bit shaky on their feet. More specifically Kaveh, who needs Aether to help him up. Both Nilou and Lumine are hyped and want to try more rides, and Sethos isn’t far behind.

Alhaitham get’s off with his hands over his ears, leaning against the nearest wall he can. Okay, he overestimated his abilities. Kaveh walks up to him when he can stand on his own, a concerned smile on his face. - ”Are you okay?” - Alhaitham appreciates the sign language. He nods, not wanting to ruin the other day. This was supposed to be a fun time.

“You know sign language?” - Sethos asks Kaveh with stars in his eyes, Cyno looking between the two. - “That’s so cool. It must’ve been hard to learn!”

“Ah… not really. Once you get the hang of it, it starts to become a more natural thing.”

“Well, using sign language would be easier for Alhaitham..”

“Well, using his notebook would be easier for me.”

“It’s a lot easier than writing everything you want to say.” - Kaveh glances at Cyno before turning back to the rest of his friends.

Aether smiles at him and Nilou jumps into his field of view, grabbing his arm. - “Come on! I want you to be my partner for my next ride!”

Kaveh almost falls back in shock. She wants him specifically?

For the rest of the day, Kaveh can’t help but look at everyone around him. They’re all here together, a big group. He’s never left out of the conversation. He has people who want to sit with him or share a snack with him. Even Cyno ends up smiling.

Is it okay? Is it really okay to have fun like this?

Does he really deserve to be with all these people?

They all end up sitting under some shade, everyone wanting to get a proper meal. Kaveh offers to stay behind and look after everyone's bags. Nilou argues there’s too many for him to just be left with, but he insists she needs to eat.

“I’ll stay.”

They both quiet down when Cyno speaks up. The boy sits down on the bench under the tree, crossing his arms.

“I’m not hungry anyways.”

“O..kay.” - Nilou slowly nods, backing away. - “We’ll be back soon. Okay?”

Kaveh nods, giving her a smile. - “We’ll be fine. Get me something small too, okay?” - The red-head nods and rejoins the others to go get the food, giving him one last look.

Silence falls between the two.

Cyno keeps staring at the ground and Kaveh leans back and looks up at the sky through the leaves.

“Why did you accept Sethos' wish to be friends?”

Kaveh almost jumps at the sudden voice but he refuses to look at him. - “Should I have not?”

“He was too nervous to ask you himself. I was sure you would say no if I asked though. Yet you didn’t.”

“Maybe because I don’t judge people without knowing them.”

“...you’re implying I was judging you.”

“Mhm..”

“But you don’t know me either.”

“...”

Cyno shifts next to him and Kaveh is sure he’s staring right at him. - “You and I are alike.” - No, they’re not. He could never be like Cyno. - “Trying to redeem ourselves through making new friends. I can see it from a mile away because I know what you’re doing.”

“...we are not alike.”

“Well, we are different in one regard. You want things to go back to the way they were.”

Kaveh finally looks at him. - “It won’t ever be the same though.”

“But you wish it could be. That’s why you’re talking with old classmates”

“..you’re wrong.” - He sits straighter. - “Back then we were stupid. We caused harm to those around us. To each other. I couldn't ever wish for that.” - Cyno slowly nods at what the other said, narrowing his eyes.

“Hey.” - He keeps looking, studying his face. - “Do you hate me?”

Kaveh looked away again. - “Probably.” - Cyno also looks away, seemingly having said what he wanted to. Kaveh wasn’t done yet though. - “You said you’re trying to redeem yourself through making new friends. Yet every year I see you with more people. Do you feel redeemed? Despite never having talked with Alhaitham after grade school?”

Cyno mulls over the words. - “...the louder the people around you are.” - He slowly starts. - “The harder it is to pick out your own voice. Do I feel like I made up for grade school? I don’t know.” - He plays with his hair. - “I haven’t thought about it in years.”

Kaveh doesn’t answer and Cyno stays silent. They stay sitting until the others come back, lots of colourful food in their hands. This was their break from all the rides, everyone sitting around each other and enjoying a good meal and conversation. Even Alhaitham laughed. Lumine and Aether were talking with each other like it was natural. Well, maybe it was. It was nice to see.

They didn’t go on many rides after, especially not the fast ones. Xiao and Aether were the first to leave, needing to get to their train on time. The others soon followed, seeing as the sun was setting.

But as Kaveh walked home, he felt conflicted. He was happy. He felt as if he had a new friend group that suddenly formed. But… does he deserve this? Does he deserve to hang out with Alhaitham? What about Cyno and Tighnari? After years of not talking they start having deep conversations? Near heart-to-hearts?

What about mom? Is she going to be happy that he’s left the house?

He should be happy.

So why does he feel one wrong word away from crying?

***

When Kaveh comes back to school he’s greeted by Sethos, without Cyno by his side. The boy offers to walk with him to class. Today he’s wearing his uniform with even more jewellery than last time, giving him a unique look. Seems he doesn’t care about teachers being annoyed by jewellery. Or maybe they’re lenient when it comes to him.

“By the way, that Alhaitham guy.” - Sethos brings a hand up to his chin. - “Him and Cyno don’t get along, huh?” - He nervously laughs.

“Not really.” - Kaveh shook his head. Sethos doesn’t know. - “Grade school was tough.”

“He’s deaf, right? Cyno told me. He also told me Alhaitham went through a lot of bullying in grade school.” - Sethos frowned, looking up at Kaveh. The blonde can barely look back. - “I hate when that stuff like that happens. It’s unfair.”

Kaveh grips his bag strap.

“Don’t you agree?”

…

Kaveh asks for Cyno during lunch break.

“What’s your problem?” - Cyno crossed his arms, both of them standing in the doorway to Kaveh’s classroom. - “Are you saying I’m going around telling people about the past?”

“P-please, not so loud!” - Kaveh raises his hands. He doesn’t want people in the classroom hearing. - “I just thought we were… on neutral terms, so..”

Cyno looks over his face, annoyance growing. - “God, you haven’t changed one bit since grade school!” - Lumine walks up when she notices the commotion, standing behind Kaveh. - “You were and still are a total dick!”

“What’s going on?” - Lumine mumbled, grabbing Kaveh’s arm.

“Cyno?” - Sethos finds the two, seemingly having been looking for the older to eat with. - “Why are you yelling?”

“Please calm down.” - Kaveh’s panic starts to rise.

Cyno hesitates, looking between everyone before taking a step back, making his decision. - “Isn’t it obvious? Kaveh once bullied a boy!”

The classroom murmur quiets down. Kaveh’s mouth goes dry.

“Bullied? That can’t be… right Kaveh?” - Lumine tugs at the boy's sleeve.

Sethos stares with wide eyes. - “What are you saying Cyno?”

“It’s true. Back in grade school.” - Cyno pointed an accusing finger at the blonde.

Kaveh’s breath hitches. - “....you bullied him too.”

“I never hurt Alhaitham!”

Both of his friends step back.

“Alhaitham?” - Lumine keeps her hands to herself. - “You were the one who…”

“That’s right, Kaveh bullied Alhaitham into transferring schools.”

He feels sick to his stomach.

“Kaveh?” - Sethos voice is quiet and hesitant.

Kaveh covers his mouth with his hand.

“S-sorry.” - He suddenly pushes past everyone, running out of the classroom.

“Kaveh!”

He doesn’t even know who yells after him. He keeps running, until he’s outside. He can’t go back in. He doesn’t even care that he left his bag behind. He needs out.

Grabbing his bike, he runs away. As always, he runs away.

But he can’t go back home.

Kaveh stops halfway through his route, on the bridge. He gets off and sits by the railing, staring down at the water. He finally feels a sob break through. Covering his face, he cries. He’s alone. Again and again and again he’s alone. Those feelings at the theme park weren’t real. His talk with Tighnari hollow. His reunion with Aether a pathetic attempt at trying to prove to Alhaitham that he’s a decent person.

He hates himself.

Utterly, disgustingly hates himself.

He shakes his head and keeps crying, pulling at his hair and wanting to rip his skin off.

It doesn’t last long though.

Despite how much he wants to throw out he can still only cry for so long for some reason.

So he slowly stands up after about 20 minutes, grabbing his bike and walking, a bit too tired to pedal. He can’t go home. He definitely can’t go back to school. So he turns to the hospital, to the bridge. It gives him some form of comfort.

He doesn’t expect to see a hair of familiar silver.

“Alhaitham?”

The boy doesn’t react. His hands are crossed on the railing and he’s looking down to the water, similarly to how Kaveh did. He must not have his hearing aids today.

Kaveh sets his bike aside and walks up to the boy, gently waving his hand in front of his face. That’s when he notices him, turning around with wide eyes. - ”Kaveh?” - He furrowed his eyebrows in worry. - ”Are you okay?”

The blonde takes a deep breath and nods. Maybe it’s good he doesn’t have to talk. He sounds awful after crying so hard. - ”I’m okay. Why are you here?”

”Waiting.”

Before he can ask about who he’s waiting for, Nilou walks onto the bridge, followed by Aether and Xiao. - “Kaveh?” - The girl tilts her head but still smiles when she sees him. - “Shouldn’t you be in school?”

“Shouldn’t– shouldn’t you?” - Kaveh hugs himself, clearing his voice.

Aether walks to stand in front of the blonde. - “Are you okay? Did something happen?”

“Nothing, I’m okay.” - Kaveh shakes his head. - “Why are you two here?”

“Our long weekend still isn’t over.” - Xiao tucked some hair behind his ear, still brooding.

Aether grins, hands on his hips. - “Me and Alhaitham wanted to meet up. Wasn’t expecting to see you though. Thought you’d be in school.”

“I…” - He’s starting to feel sick again. Aether studies Kaveh’s face before his gaze wanders behind him, raising his eyebrows in confusion. Before Kaveh can ask, Lumine’s voice cuts off any thoughts he may have had.

“Kaveh!” - He turns around. Lumine, Sethos and Cyno, all walking onto the bridge. - “I brought your bag!” - There are two girls and a boy who are following the group.

Candace leans out from behind them to wave, Dehya and Tighnari by her side. - “Hello.” - The only reason he recognises her is because of her eyes.

This is too many people.

“What’s going on?” - Nilou looks between everyone, confused. - “Who are you guys?”

“I’m Candace.” - The girl explains, smiling warmly at everyone. Even Alhaitham. - “I was supposed to meet up with Kaveh, but he wasn’t picking up his phone. Lumine here told me it’s because he left it at school.”

“I also wanted to see him.” - Tighnari keeps his distance from everyone, especially Cyno. The boy however keeps staring at him. - “We all ended up meeting right outside of the hospital… seems everyone’s here though.”

Kaveh feels all eyes on him.

Thankfully someone steps forward. - “It was my idea to find you.” - Sethos nervously looks around, grabbing Cyno’s hand and dragging him forwards too. He wanted the older to speak up.

“...sorry about earlier.” - Cyno mumbled, crossing his arms. - “Even if it kind of was your fault… Sethos said I should forgive you if you apologised to Alhaitham.”

Kaveh’s jaw slightly drops. Sethos stood up for him?

“Wait a minute.” - Tighnari suddenly walks to stand next to the two. - “That’s messed up. What right do you– do we have to criticise Kaveh over this?” - He points to himself before pointing to Cyno, Dehya, Candace. - “We are all to blame too.”

Candace’s smile falters, the girl folding her hands in front of her chest. - “Well, some of us went out of our way to bully him more than others…”

Tighnari snarled. - “Aha? You still don’t want to be lumped in with the rest of us dirty dogs, do you?”

“Tighnari..” - Cyno hesitantly speaks up, but is paid no mind.

“Yeah, you’re not like us at all. Both of you just laughed and fell in line with what we were doing!”

Candace flinched and Dehya put a hand on her shoulder, standing by her side. - “Tighnari, you’re being such a bitch right now!”

“Oh yeah? What do you think, Aether?” - The boy turned to the blonde.

“Huh?” - Aether picked at his braid. - “You’re asking me?”

Candace shook her head. - “They badmouthed you a ton too, Aether! Especially Cyno!”

The white-haired boy raised his hands. - “I was only telling the truth!—”

“Shut the fuck up!” - Tighnari glared at Cyno before turning to Aether. - “Well come on, out with it!”

Kaveh looks between everyone, backing away until his back hits the railing.

“I-..” - Aether grabbed Xiao’s hand out of fear. His friend gives him a look, as if asking if he wants to leave. - “...I was scared of all of you back then actually.”

He feels his legs get weak.

“Who the hell's side are you on then?!” - Dehya snapped.

He’s exhausted.

“No-one’s! How can I be?!”

He slides down to the ground, bringing his knees up. - “Enough.” - And rests his forehead on them, closing his eyes. - “Stop it. It’s all my fault anyways.”

Everyone quiets down. Only Cyno isn’t afraid to break the silence. - “This is why you’re still the same. I hate that stupid line of thinking.”

“Cyno.” - Kaveh grips his hair. - “How about you stop thinking you can decide everything for everyone?”

Everyone flinches at the tone of his voice. - “You.. you didn’t have to put it like that.” - Aether shakes his head.

“Shut up Aether.” - The blonde immediately quiets down. - “You’ll end up running away and regretting your cowardice anyway.”

“What the hell?” - Xiao pulled his friend back.

“What’s gotten into you?” - Candace is starting to get angry.

“Not another word!” - He cuts her off. - “All you’ve ever cared about is yourself and your reputation. You and Dehya are the same.”

“Kaveh!” - Dehya growls.

Lumine runs to the centre of the meetup, raising her hands. - “Please, everyone! Can’t we all calm down? Why can’t we all just be on each other's side?”

“Lumine, stop pretending like you know the first fucking thing about me, let alone everyone else.”

She stumbles over her own words.

“That’s it. We’re leaving!” - Xiao grips Aether’s hand and drags him away. The blonde doesn’t even resist, only watching his sister.

Lumine grits her teeth, slowly setting Kaveh’s bag down by his feet. - “...it’s okay.” - She takes a deep breath, ignoring her watering eyes. - “It doesn’t bother me.” - She stands straight and gives everyone a quivering smile, waving. - “I need to go home.”

“...this is insane.” - Tighnari watched the girl walk away.

“What’s insane is that you think a single apology is enough to make up for everything.” - Kaveh mumbled.

“...you..” - The boy’s heart drops. - “I– I confided in you. I told you everything! Did that mean nothing to you?!” - He starts backing away. He almost walks into Cyno but jumps away from him as if he were burned. - “...I can’t believe you all!” - He turns on his heel and starts walking away, before breaking out into a run.

“...” - Cyno stares after him, slowly grabbing Sethos’ hand. - “We shouldn’t have come. Let’s go.” - Sethos slowly nods, quietly leaving with him.

“Kaveh, you’re too awful.” - Candace doesn’t even bother looking at him, walking off the bridge with Dehya right behind her.

It’s finally quiet.

She’s right, he is awful. He feels it too.

Everyone hates him too.

Ah, right. He’s still not alone.

Kaveh slowly looks up at Alhaitham, who is staring at him. - ”Summer break starts soon. I was wondering if you wanted to maybe go somewhere?” - He nervously smiles.

It falls when the blank look Alhaitham is giving him doesn’t let up.

”Hello?”

Alhaitham closes his eyes and slowly nods, giving him a small, forced smile.

He said yes to hanging out.

But he still feels so horrible. Alhaitham shouldn’t have said yes. Kaveh doesn’t deserve it.

How is it that he ends up friends only with the boy he bullied and his cousin?

Chapter Text

Kaveh often wakes up with a sour taste in his mouth and a pit in his stomach. When he opens his eyes, he feels like the biggest scum on earth. And hell, maybe he is. But it doesn’t change how genuinely awful he feels. How he genuinely wishes he could be better. He wakes up and feels like something bad will happen. And the feelings never go away.

The blonde leans against the railing by the pond, idly throwing bread to the fish. He was hoping to see Alhaitham but… it’s been almost an hour. The boy still isn’t here. He digs out his phone, pulling up Alhaitham’s contact. Should he message him? Ask him if something happened?

He throws the last bits of the bread into the pond before focusing on the device.

‘Want to meet up sometime?’

Kaveh sighs. Alhaitham isn’t the type to respond often. He’s never even responded to Kaveh’s questions about if he’s okay. He lets his arms fall and goes back to looking at the fish beneath the bridge.

Something orange reflects in the water. He squints before looking around. That orange hair.. he spots Nilou by the water, under the bridge. She’s wearing a white dress-shirt and blue skirt that reached her ankles. A school uniform. Why is she in a uniform? It’s summer. Kaveh opens his mouth. - “Nilou–!” - He stops himself when the wind gently moves the other's hair away from her face. She’s crying.

Kaveh takes a step back and covers his mouth. Clearly he isn’t supposed to be here. He slowly crouches and eventually sits down, leaning his back against the wooden railings. Nilou, crying? Is it his fault? Is it because of all the things he said–?

“Yo.”

Kaveh jumped, neck snapping to the girl who somehow appeared on the bridge. Whoops.

Nilou smiled at him, crossing her arms. - “You comfortable down there?”

The blonde tilted his head. - “What’s with the uniform?”

“I go to school too, you know.” - The girl did a small twirl. - “How do you like it?”

“Uh… aren’t we on school break though?”

She waved her hand, moving down to sit down next to him. Kaveh takes the time to look her over while she’s close. Her eyes are still a bit red and tear streaks were still visible. Her blue eyes meet his. - “What?”

“Nothing.” - He looked away, hugging his knees. Nilou doesn’t push. The two sit in silence. Kaveh plays with his hands and Nilou idly looks through her messages on her phone. Eventually the girl lets out a deep sigh and stands up.

“Alhaitham messaged me. Gotta go.”

“Go where?” - Kaveh quickly stood up as well. Is Alhaitham ignoring him on purpose? Or is he overthinking things? - “I’ll walk you there.”

“No need.”

“But I really don’t mind.”

“It’s fine–”

“I saw you crying.”

Nilou stops, looking the boy over. - “...it was nothing.”

“Was it because of me?”

“No.” - She took a hesitant step back. - “I promise it has nothing to do with you.”

Kaveh simply looked to the side, playing with a strand of hair. - “It’s okay. I like to think it does.” - He shrugged, leaning his back against the railing. He stared at the water, pointedly looking away from Nilou, who he was too ashamed to exist around for too long, despite how he wanted to make everything up to her.

“...why’s that?”

“I care about you.” - He mumbles.

Nilou hums, mulling over the words. - “...oh do whatever you want.” - She finally said, waving her hand again and turning around. - “It’s not worth your time, but it is your choice.” - She starts walking away. Kaveh hesitates before suddenly running after her, catching up.

The two walk in silence. Kaveh thinks about Nilou’s words. Or rather, lack of. She’s such an energetic girl, so protective of Alhaitham and quick to defend her position. Where is her energy now? Why is she so… tired? Kaveh is a hypocrite. He sees it on her face. In her eyes. Just what is going on at home—

“This is far enough.” - She stops.

“We barely left the hospital grounds…”

“Kaveh.” - She smiles at him. Tired. - “Thank you. But I really have to go home.” - She turned on her heel and flashed him a dazzling smile, fit for a performer. - “Bye-bye now!”

He watches her run away. The whole interaction put him on edge. He’s.. scared.

***

“Your eyes will go bad if you read in the dark.”

Nilou looked over her shoulder at granny. She was holding the wrinkled notebook in her hands - too curious about what her cousin really had to go through when he was younger.

It was dark outside already. She just couldn’t go to sleep yet. But she didn’t want to wake anyone up, especially not Alhaitham. Slowly the girl stands up, setting the notebook to the side and walking up to granny.

They sat down in the kitchen.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” - Nilou finally mumbled, looking down at her hands.

Grandma hummed. - “You’re worried about him.” - She smiled knowingly. - “Meanwhile, I’m worried about you.”

Nilou pushes her hair out of her face. - “Granny, please don’t stress yourself out over such things.”

“You’re not at all interested in figuring out who you are as a person.”

She chuckled nervously. - “Worrying about him is a conscious choice. I do it for myself.”

The older woman shook her head. - “You are good. Too good.”

***

Kaveh smiles and waves to the boy. Alhaitham waves back. - “Hey! Do you have your…” - Kaveh motions to his ear and Alhaitham nods. - “Great! I’m so glad we’re finally able to meet up.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been so hard to reach.” - Alhaitham sighs.

“Don’t even worry about it. Is everything okay at home?”

Alhaitham hesitated before quickly nodding, turning around at the sound of the train he got here with leaving. The two were at the station, out in the open air, overlooking beautiful fields. They slowly made their way over to a wooden hut, aka the entry ticket booth. They decided to go to a national park, while summer wasn’t too hot but the scenery was the most gorgeous to look at. Kaveh doesn’t even really know why they’re here.

Kaveh is doing all the talking. He starts off hesitant but eventually starts talking more and more. Alhaitham rarely added anything to the conversation. But that was fine. Kaveh enjoys simply looking at him. Alhaitham enjoys simply listening to him.

“We should meet up again!” - Kaveh smiles, closing his eyes and letting the sun hit his face.

Alhaitham let out a small ‘mhm’, watching his feet so he doesn’t trip on the thick tree roots.

Kaveh turned around to look at him. - “I’m really glad we went out today. I think I needed this.” - A carefree, happy version of Kaveh is something he has never been able to visualise. Until he met Alhaitham. When he’s with the boy he feels he can do anything. Run a mile, read a book in one sitting, get back into art. Huh, art. Now that’s something he hasn’t thought about since middle school. - “Hey, what do you think about a- aH–!”

He trips over one of the tree roots and falls backwards. Alhaitham reaches out to catch his hand. He misses. Kaveh ends up rolling down the small hill.

“Ow…” - He hears Alhaitham run down the hill to catch up to him. Slowly he sits up, wincing at the sun in his eyes as he tries to look at the other boy. - “I’m fi– oh shit!”

The silver-haired boy gasps when he slips on a leaf and ends up falling too, a little bit above Kaveh. Thankfully he doesn’t roll down the hill like Kaveh, but he just lies on the ground, stunned. Eventually he pushed himself up to a sitting position, looking at the blonde bewildered.

The two stare at each other before Kaveh bursts out laughing. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen the other so expressive! Except.. when…

“I’m dryig!” - His laughter quiets down and his smile falls as he stares at the boy. - “I’m dryig ju no!!!”

“I’m!!– I…” - Alhaitham finally stopped and fell back onto Kaveh’s legs, sobbing. Sobbing his heart out.

“Are you okay?” - He finally speaks up, tilting his head. Alhaitham nods, face slightly flushed in embarrassment and pain. Kaveh can feel his own face grow hot as he wipes away slight tears of pain. - “...we should go out again. I had a lot of fun. Maybe tomorrow?”

Maybe he can fix this.

***

He meets up with Alhaitham and Nilou almost every day. Desperately he tries to fix his sadness and turn it into happiness. His other friends are still on his mind. The ones he hasn’t seen since the bridge. Are they even still friends? Oh, he highly doubts.

The two drag him to their apartment one evening to help them out with something. With what?

“A cake.” - Nilou smiles, taking out the ingredients while Alhaitham takes out all the bowls and tools.

“A cake?” - Kaveh crosses his arms. - “What’s the occasion?”

“Mom’s birthday.”

…fuck.

“I shouldn’t be here then!” - He took a step out of the kitchen. - “She hates me for sure. I’ll be gutted!”

“Oh don’t be ridiculous.” - Nilou waved her hand. - “We’ll protect you! Right Haitham?”

The boy nodded, not even looking up from the recipe book.

“But this.. but…” - Kaveh slowly sat down, pale as a ghost. He hasn’t seen Alhaitham’s mom since grade school.

A bowl was slid over to him with ingredients in it and Alhaitham made a mixing motion. Kaveh took a deep breath and slowly did as he was told. He could just get up and leave. But then he’d be alone. And that would be worse.

It takes them a few hours but they do end up making a strawberry shortcake. Not too big but definitely pretty looking. They were setting up the table when the front door clicked open. Kaveh immediately turned around, freezing. Alhaitham’s mother walked in. She was just like he remembered. A silver-haired woman who had a sharp look in her eyes and a frown on her face. The second she saw the blonde boy, her frown turned into a grimace.

“Hi mom!” - Nilou waved, pointedly ignoring the tension. - “Happy birthday! Look, we all made you your favourite.”

“...why is he here?” - The woman slowly let her bag fall from her shoulder.

Kaveh opened his mouth to come up with some excuse to leave, but Nilou placed a hand on his shoulder. - “He helped. Now come on, let’s all sit down! I’m dying to try this cake.” - She suddenly pushed the boy back down to his seat, motioning for everyone else to do the same. Alhaitham sits down next to him, offering him a small smile.

…oh, he gets why he’s here now. This means a lot to Alhaitham, doesn’t it? Nilou is just the one confident enough to drag him over here. Kaveh lets his shoulder drop and looks down, sighing. He’ll stay here, if it means making Alhaitham happy.

Nilou and their mother also sit down and the girl takes no time in cutting the cake and giving everyone a slice. Kaveh can feel the woman's glare on him, but he refuses to look up and meet her gaze.

“This looks great, doesn’t it?” - Nilou smiled, taking the first bite. - “And tastes great! Right mom?”

The woman doesn’t answer, but does eat the cake, finally looking away from the blonde boy. - “...I signed you up for a dancing competition.”

Nilou almost drops her fork. - “Huh? What, why?!”

“Alhaitham said you should take part.”

Nilou looked at her cousin with wide eyes. - “You’re talented.” - Alhaitham shrugged.

“But I’ve never actually learned with a real coach…” - The girl laughed, nervous.

“That’s not what it seemed like to me.” - The woman finally smiled.

“And what do you know?” - Nilou chuckled, shaking her head. - “Oh, alright.. Ah, right! Kaveh, there’s a firework show next tuesday.”

“A firework show? I think I’ll pass..” - He shook his head.

“Oh come on! It’ll be a lot of fun!”

“I don’t know…” - Kaveh looked at Alhaitham, only to see the boy already staring at him.

“Please go.” - The boy looked hopeful.

Kaveh looked away, slightly playing with the fork in his hand. - “I’ll think about it.”

***

The feeling of dread never goes away. But it can get pushed to the sidelines when spending time with friends.

Kaveh meets Nilou, Alhaitham and their mom at the festival, just as it’s getting dark. He helps them set up a spot up on a small hill, somewhere where they’ll be able to see all the fireworks.

The four sit down just as the first firework appears in the sky, followed by more, creating a colourful light show. They all marvel and… and Kaveh can’t help but frown. Something in his chest is bubbling. He can’t tell what it is. Is it happiness? Has it been so long since he’s felt truly happy that he’s forgotten how it feels?

“I should get us some food!” - Nilous suddenly stood up, looking between Alhaitham and Kaveh. - “Mom, come with me.” - She smiled knowingly at the two before dragging the woman away, laughing. Kaveh raises his eyebrows before looking back at Alhaitham. The boy was still staring up at the sky, hands rested on his knees and back straight. The colours of the fireworks reflect on his hair and in his beautiful eyes..

Kaveh’s breath stops as he stares at him. - “Thank you for inviting me.” - He finally chokes out.

Alhaitham turns to him and gently smiles, nodding.

“Was your mother annoyed that I came over…?”

The boy thought for a moment before shaking his head.

Kaveh laughs. - “Okay, good. I really can’t tell with her poker face…” - He looks down at his hands before remembering something. - “Hey, when’s your birthday?”

“February eleventh.” - He slowly signs.

“You’ll be turning eighteen, right?” - Alhaitham nods, looking away. - “Great! Let’s celebrate it together then. It’s a special occasion after all!”

Alhaitham takes a deep breath, looking down at his hands before back up at the fireworks. He eventually smiled, pushing himself up to his feet.

“Oh– where are you going?” - Kaveh also moved to get up but Alhaitham shook his head.

“I need to do something.”

“But the fireworks aren’t over yet.”

Alhaitham shrugged, still smiling. It was almost weird to see the usually hard to read boy smile so much. - “It was enjoyable. I had fun with you.”

Kaveh nodded. - “Uh-huh. Me too.. wait, I’ll walk with you!” - He scrambled up to his feet but Alhaitham raised his hand to stop him. - “Huh? But…”

Alhaitham shook his head. - “I will be okay.”

“Okay… okay.” - Kaveh finally smiled back. - “See you!”

Alhaitham stared at him before bowing. - “Goodbye.”

Kaveh raised his eyebrows, watching the other boy turn and leave.

“Hey!” - He turned around, looking at Nilou and her mom. The red-head tilted her head, looking around. - “Where’s Alhaitham?”

“He said he needed to do something…”

“Ugh! Couldn’t he have waited? I would’ve asked him to bring me my speaker. I forgot it..” - She pouted, taking a bite out of her food.

Kaveh looks after Alhaitham. - “I’ll go.”

“Really? Thank you! It’s in the hallway!!”

He nodded, waving to them as he pushed past people and made his way to their flat. Thankfully it was a short walk. Slowly Kaveh walks up the stairs, ignoring the sounds of fireworks outside as he reaches their apartment. He gently opens the door to the dark hallway.

“Hey! Haitham?” - He looks around, noticing the speaker on the shield above the shoe stand. - “Ah, there it is.” - He picks it up, looking it over in his hands. The hallway suddenly lights up before going dark again. - “Hm? You can see the fireworks from here?” - He turns to the balcony door.

Why was it left open?

Another firework goes off, the red light reflecting the glass door, the dining table, Alhaitham…

“Oh, there he is.” - Kaveh takes his shoes off, looking at the silver-haired boy on the balcony. - “Alhaitham?”

Another firework frames the boy as he climbs the balustrade, standing on it.

Kaveh raises his eyebrows, putting the speaker down. - “W-wait a second…”

Alhaitham keeps his hands firmly by his sides, watching the fireworks die out before getting replaced by another explosion. Kaveh can see the way his shoulders move back as he takes a deep breath.

“Alhaitham!” - Kaveh suddenly screams, running into the house, almost tripping over a pair of shoes and an envelope resting on them. He sucks in a deep breath, running to the balcony door and getting hit in the face by the curtain from the wind. - “ Alhaitham! ”

He finally burst through the doors, blinded by the light of another set of gold and red fireworks. Blindly he reaches out for a boy who’s no longer standing. Kaveh reaches out to catch his hand. He does.

Alhaitham ends up hanging from the balcony, only held by his hand.

Why?

What happened?

Kaveh gripped the ledge with his other hand. He’s not strong. He can barely hold the taller boy up. But Alhaitham isn’t as heavy as he thought he’d be. He breathes heavily, staring back at the shocked boy.

Has he ever even known him?

Alhaitham, who he has been growing closer to. What does he really like? What does he think about when he sits silently? What does he do at home, when he doesn't respond to his messages?

He can feel the boy slowly slipping out of his sweaty hand. He leans down further, finally letting go of the ledge and grabbing him with both hands. - “Please! Grab the ledge!” - He doesn’t have enough strength.

Kaveh will never ask for anything ever again. If someone can give him the strength to pull this boy up, he promises. He’ll be good. He can be good.

Kaveh closes his eyes, tears falling.

Starting tomorrow, he’ll be better.

Starting tomorrow, he’ll look at people's faces.

Starting tomorrow, he’ll listen to their voices.

Starting tomorrow, he’ll fix everything.

He opens his eyes, taking a shallow breath. - “A-alhaitham..” - The boy looks up at him, also crying. Has Alhaitham ever cried? Oh yeah, he has. Because of him. He sobbed. Did Kaveh ever even apologise? - “I’m sorry..” - He whispers, but he can’t be sure the other heard.

He opens his eyes, taking a shallow breath. - “A-alhaitham..” - The boy looks up at him, also crying. Has Alhaitham ever cried? Oh yeah, he has. Because of him. He sobbed. Did Kaveh ever even apologise? - “I’m sorry..” - He whispers, but he can’t be sure the other heard.

Now that he thinks about it, he has a lot of things he hasn’t said to Alhaitham. He hasn’t apologised for making him cry. He never apologised for the hearing aids. All the mean words he said behind his back the other probably couldn’t hear. This boy changed his life, even if neither of them realised it. Kaveh was supposed to die. But now he looks at him and all he wants is to tell him that he.. that…

A shaky hand suddenly grips the ledge.

Kaveh gasps, groaning as he pulls the other up, balustrade digging into his gut.

He keeps pulling the other up, even when the other's hands are gripping the railing. He pulls his waist up until Alhaitham can push himself up with his legs, shakily hugging the support. Kaveh breathes out a smile, leaning further over the ledge.

His head suddenly spins as his body barrels forwards.

All he sees is the water of the apartment's garden getting closer and closer. The shock is too strong for him to even yell.

He can hear Alhaitham yelling though.

*

“By the way Kaveh..”

She was still looking at her plate.

“Why do you want to kill yourself?”

*

“Me and you…” - He pointed a finger at his chest, then Alhaitham’s, and finally put his hands together and shook them. - “...could we be friends?”

*

“I was a coward, you see. But then I tried changing my perspective a little. I figured I could decide if it was scary or not after giving it a chance.” - He finally turns to look at Kaveh too. - “I’m still scared though.”

The brilliant gold doesn’t hide the fear in his eyes.

“Here it comes!”

And they drop.

*

“Look! Look what I have!” - Her white skirt is dirty. - “Your bike.”

“It was dumped in a paddy field. I had to look everywhere.” - Brilliant gold eyes suddenly look right into his. - “But I’m glad I got it for you.”

*

“You used to bully Alhaitham.. I know you used to bully him for being deaf.” - She moves out from under the umbrella to put some distance between them. - “And now you know sign language and think you’re a good person.”

“You’re disgusting.”

*

“Pathetically enough, she reminded me of Alhaitham. That’s why I was angry that you started hanging out with him...whenever I think back to the past, it’s like it wasn’t me. It’s like I was just a bystander. The good guy. It’s wrong. It’s wrong to pretend like that wasn’t me. I can’t pretend I didn’t hurt people, no matter how much I never want to do that again!”

He finally looks up at Kaveh.

“I’m just a bad person. I hate it and I hate me for you. I’m sorry.”

*

“...the louder the people around you are.” - He slowly starts. - “The harder it is to pick out your own voice. Do I feel like I made up for grade school? I don’t know.”

“I haven’t thought about it in years.”

*

He shakes his head, gripping the poor notebook. He thinks about what to do before giving Kaveh a polite bow, pushing his bangs out of his eyes.

Kaveh can almost see a smile. - “See you again.”

*

It’s so cold. Yet so warm.

Chapter Text

A window of light.

The shape of voice.

Why is so little so much work?

It’s easy to tire yourself out and give up.

And I’m so tired.

I’ve been thinking about my life.

Is there any point in it?

All I am is a chore for others.

I’ve actually wanted to die for a very long time now.

Hm.

I’ve been thinking about a boy a lot recently.

From grade school.

He’s somehow wormed his way into my life.

Even after I ruined his life.

I’m happy. 

I’ve been thinking about my family.

All of them will be able to finally rest once I’m out of the picture.

I’m sure the fireworks will be beautiful.

Mother, Granny, Nilou. Goodbye.

Kaveh. See you.

Nilou hugs her knees on the uncomfortable, plastic hospital seat. She’s about to doze off. How long has she been waiting for? She looks around one more time, yawning before spotting the blonde woman. Immediately she’s on her feet. - “Ma’am!”

The woman stops looking around before spotting the girl. - “Oh, Nilou. Hello dear.”

She runs up to her. - “Is- is he–”

“He’s been transferred to the ward room today.” - She smiled sadly. - “Do you want to see him?”

Nilou hesitated long enough for someone else to walk up to them and place a hand on her shoulder. Alhiatham’s mother. - “Miss Mehrak.” - The woman looked over Kaveh’s mother.

“Hello.” - Her smile fell. - “I’m so sorry. We caused you trouble again. If there’s anything–”

Alhaitham’s mother suddenly knelt down and pressed her forehead against the ground. - “I’m sorry.”

“Wh-what?!” - Kaveh's mother shook her head, taken aback. - “Please get up! I’m sure my son did something to Alhaitham again. You don’t have to do all this!”

“Ma’am.” - Nilou also knelt down. - “He saved my stupid cousin. I was too negligent.” - And also pressed her forehead against the ground. - “I’m sorry.”

“No..” - Kaveh’s mother slowly lowered herself to the ground too. - “Please raise your head. I’m just glad Alhaitham is alright. Please.” - She choked out a sob, covering her mouth. - “I beg of you.”

***

The door to the hospital room slides open just enough for the girl to walk out. Lumine sighs, wiping tears from her eyes as she walks down the corridor. She almost missed the boy passing her.

“Alhaitham!” - She gently grabbed the boy's arm, making him turn around. His right arm was in a cast. - “Hey. I haven’t seen you in so long! Are you here to see Kaveh?”

Alhaitham stared back at her, gritting his teeth before nodding.

“I’m afraid you won’t be able to.” - Lumine sadly smiled. - “I wanted to too but I got asked to leave the room. But I’ve been told he’s doing fine.”

Alhaitham took a deep breath before nodding again, looking back at the room Kaveh was in.

Lumine looked over him before clearing her throat. - “Hey, what about going out for a sweet treat? Maybe we can talk for a while.” - She offered a small smile. - “I know we aren’t the closest but I’m here to listen.”

The boy mulled over her words before slowly sitting down on one of the waiting chairs, clumsily taking out a notebook and putting it on his lap. Lumine sits down next to him, patiently waiting for the boy to write down what he wanted to say.

‘I destroyed everything Kaveh had built up.’

He shows her the notebook. Lumine narrows her gaze at his words. - “You’re talking about that whole thing on the bridge, right?” - She looked back up at him, smiling a bit. - “That wasn’t your fault you know. It wasn’t anyone's fault. I don’t hold any grudge against him or you.”

Alhaitham’s gaze hardened before looking back down at the notebook.

‘I want to fix everything I’ve destroyed.’

Lumine pursed her lips, staring at the boy. - “You’re being too cruel to yourself.” - She stood up, motioning for him to do the same. - “But if it’ll make you feel better I’ll help you.”

***

“You know, wanting to kill yourself just because you’re having a hard time is messed up!”

A few heads turned at the park and Lumine was quick to hush Dehya. - “Please, not so loud.”

Next to her is Tighnari who was listening with bated breath. The girl grumbled, bawling her fists. - “He won’t hear me unless I yell!”

Alhaitham gripped his notebook, bringing it up to try and clumsily write down what he wanted to say with his right arm. However before he could even finish a single letter Dehya suddenly hugged him, knocking the things out of his hands.

“We were so worried about you!”

Alhaitham stood still before slowly hugging her back with his left arm.

“We all go through difficulties in life.” - She mumbled. - “But we’re in this boat together, right? You have to love everything about yourself.” - Dehya hugged him tighter. - “Because if you don't, no one will!”

Tighnari slowly picked up the notebook and pencil, flipping through the few pages. Finally he looked back at Alhaitham. - “We’re all very happy you’re okay.” - He smiled. - “You have to accept what you hate about yourself and move on, okay?” - He held out the notebook for him to take.

Alhaitham nodded, taking his things back and looking down at the opened page.

‘I want to fix everything I’ve destroyed.’

***

“Fix everything, huh?” - Aether stood in the doorway to his house, looking at the notebook Alhaitham held out. - “That why you came out here all alone?”

Alhaitham nodded.

“You’re strong.” - Aether nervously played with his braid. Alhaitham, taken aback, shook his head but Aether stopped him. - “No really, you are. Even when Kaveh does wake up I won’t know how to face him.” - He looked down. - “I really haven’t changed. I still failed to protect you. I’m still a coward!” - He folded his hands and held them up to his chest. - “Alhaitham I’m so–”

The boy put a hand over Aether’s hands, slowly pushing them down. - “You gan jange from now.” - Alhaitham forced a smile.

Aether smiled back, wiping his tears. - “Thank you for coming to see me.”

***

He walked out of the hospital, slowing down when he got hit with rain. Ah, just his luck. Cyno grimaced, holding his hand out. Oh, he’ll be fine. He doesn’t want to stick around any longer. He’d rather get wet.

The boy crossed the street, pushing his white hair out of his eyes. It kept falling back, making them wet. He wiped them, gritting his teeth. Stupid rain and stupid hospital and stupid Kaveh and—

The rain stopped. He looked around before realising someone was holding an umbrella over his head. But his eyes and cheek were still wet.

He slowly turned around to stare at Alhaitham, tears silently falling. Alhaitham was standing in the rain, letting himself get soaked to the bone for the sake of holding the umbrella over Cyno’s head.

“..what?” - Cyno glared. - “What the hell do you want?”

Alhaitham stared back, not even bothering to try and respond. Cyno’s anger only grew.

“What, you think just because you tried to kill yourself that means I’ll like you?!”

They continue standing still.

“Your stupidity almost killed him!”

Alhaitham keeps looking at him.

“You’re the reason we fell apart! You and your stupidity!” - Cyno started crying harder.- “How can you even show yourself?!”

Finally the boy moved, stepping closer to hold the umbrella over both of their heads with his bad arm, using his good one to take his notebook out.

‘I want to fix everything I’ve destroyed.’

Cyno read the sentence a few times over, anger mixing with something new. Despair. - “You– you can’t just do that! You’re not…” - He covered his mouth before fully covering his face, shoulders shaking. - “You’re so stupid. So stupid! I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t want any of you to die.” - He turned around, walking out from under the umbrella and quickly walking away, leaving Alhaitham alone.

Has Alhaitham ever taken the time to think about what he loves in his life?

Alhaitham doesn’t remember the early days of grade school fondly. How could he when all he did was tell his cousin he wanted to die. He knows that hearing those words was hard for Nilou. It was one of the only things he would actually say.

When he was younger he had a lot of hope he would get better though. Maybe a miracle would happen and he’d be fixed. It was an innocent daydream of his, one he could get lost in for hours.

Well he supposes a miracle did happen.

Alhaitham lowered the umbrella once the rain stopped, looking up at the sky. It was dark. He doesn’t know what time it exactly was, but he didn’t care. He had been waiting for Cyno. It was worth waiting.

He slowed down once he was walking over the bridge, eventually stopping.

“I felt like I shouldn’t come see you. I’ve spent the past two weeks thinking about what friendship means. I was searching for a reason to meet you.”

He slowly leans against the railing, covering his mouth to stop himself from crying as he looks down at the water.

Can he ever make it up to the boy? Can Kaveh ever forgive him?

*

It’s so cold. Yet so warm.

Kaveh gasped, trying to get as much air as possible. Where is he? Where is Alhaitham?

He quickly sat up, bringing a hand up to his forehead when he felt his head spin. His vision is obscured by,, cables?

“What is this…” - He mumbled, looking over himself. He was in a hospital gown. His chest was wrapped up in bandages. Oh right, he fell. He thought that was a dream. - “Mom? Alhaitham?!” - He started pulling at the cables. - “Ow!” - He ripped something out. He’ll be fine.

The blonde stumbled out of the hospital bed, making his way out of the hospital barefoot and leaning against the wall. Alhaitham, he needs to see Alhaitham.

Kaveh ran around the building, gripping his chest in pain and taking frequent breaks to catch his breath. - “Alhaitham…” - He groaned, pressing onwards. He doesn’t think he’ll make it further than the bridge. - “Haitham..”

He slowly steps onto the wood, letting his body fall against the railing to try and catch his breath. The impact is enough to catch Alhaitham’s attention, making him violently turn around. Kaveh looks up at him, making eye-contact.

Through the pain he slowly smiles, raising his hand. - “Hello?” - He asks, hopeful.

Alhaitham jumps, raising his hand to grip his hair in a panic. Kaveh thinks it’s comedic to see the other be so expressive. The boy walks up to him, as if he isn’t sure Kaveh is real. His hand slowly lowers and reaches out to touch him but he hesitates.

Kaveh’s smile tightens and against his better judgment he grabs the others hand, intertwining their fingers. - “...you’re real.” - He laughs, blinking away tears. Alhaitham doesn’t smile back. He slowly lowered himself down to his knees, followed by Kaveh who was starting to get worried. - “Are you okay?”

Alhaitham let go of Kaveh’s hand, wiping his tears before clumsily using sign language. - “I was so worried.”

Kaveh slowly nodded. - “Please don’t cry. I’m all good now.” - He laughed. - “More or less.” - Alhaitham’s wobbly frown doesn’t let up. - “Come on, please don’t make that face.” - He reached out to touch him before pulling back. - “Oh right! Alhaitham.” - He folded his hands on his lap. - “I’m sorry. I never apologised to you for what I did to you in the past, did I? Actually I should probably apologise for everything I did in the past few months too. I…” - He looked to the side, thinking about what to say. - “I wanted to die. But before I did that I wanted to talk to you. And I roped you into so much trouble, right? So I’m so sorry. I hurt you and I forced you t—”

“No!” - Alhaitham suddenly shouted, shaking his head. Kaveh looked back at him, slightly taken aback by how much he was crying. - “You fell becas I couldn jange! Id all my fault.” - He sobbed out, looking down at his trembling hands. - “None of this would have happened if I were gone.” 

Kaveh suddenly grabbed his shoulders. - “Alhaitham, listen.” - He held back his own tears. - “I’ve felt the same way as you for years. I thought that if something about me changed everyone would be happier. But I realised it didn’t mean that I deserved to die.”

Alhaitham wiped his tears with his hand again, slowly nodding. Kaveh watched him, hands slowly falling off of the boy's shoulders.

“...hey Alhaitham. I..” - He played with his fingers. - “I want you… to help me live.” - Alhaitham’s eyes widened. - “Because I actually really… like you.”

The two sat in silence for a few seconds. Kaveh gasped, covering his mouth.

“I just said something really weird, didn’t I? Forget it! Forget everything I said!”

Alhaitham pulled the others hand down from his face, smiling at him. Kaveh sheepishly smiled back. This time Alhaitham was the one to intertwine their fingers.

.

.

.

“M-morning everyone!” - He smiled at the mirror. His smile falls and he starts redoing his hair again. If he doesn’t leave soon he’ll be late.

“Hello.” - He tries again, trying to imagine facing his friends.

“I’m… sorry for all those things I said.” - He stares at his hands before looking back at his face. Should he leave his hair down or tie it? He doesn’t know anymore. He wants to show his friends that he really is sorry. Really.

He’s sorry.

Sorry is a word that sounds so… plastic. But what can he do?

Push his only friends away?

He was doing so well.

Wasn’t he?

He suddenly stands straight and slaps himself.

“Shut up! Let’s do this!” - He nods at himself.

Kaveh runs down the stairs, almost knocking his mother over. - “Woah!” - The woman laughs, using his shoulders to keep herself up. - “You’re lively! You sure you don’t want me to drive you?”

“I’m sure.” - Kaveh smiles, pushing down his nervousness. - “I’m going to start looking after myself.”

“Oookay. You know it’s only a festival, right?” - She patted his hair, quickly getting her hand shooed away.

“I don’t want to look messy!” - He ran out of the door. - “Bye!” - Kaveh grabbed his bike, running before hoisting himself onto the bike.

He’s nervous. So nervous he almost turns right back and hides in his room. But he has someone waiting for him.

Kaveh slows down before getting off his bike and securing it by the school's entrance. It doesn’t take long for him to find who he’s looking for. - “Hey!” - He waves, trying to genuinely smile. Alhaitham smiles and waves back. - “Shall we go in?” - They stand at the entrance of the school. The boy nods. He doesn’t seem to be acting weird. He still sticks with Kaveh, despite everything Kaveh said.

In fact the boy seems happy to be with Kaveh. Ah, he needs to stop doubting his own words. Alhaitham seemed happy about everything said at the bridge!

Today their school was celebrating their forty-fifth anniversary. That’s why Alhaitham was with him. Nilou was the one who told Alhaitham about it, she said she would join later. Alhaitham turns to him when he feels his gaze linger and smiles. However, pretty smiles weren’t enough to get rid of his anxiety. He feels it the moment he walks in.

Everyone is staring at him.

He even heard his name whispered.

He feels faint.

Alhaitham tapped him on the shoulder. - “You look pale.”

Kaveh hesitated, looking away before nodding. - “I never told you this…”  - He can’t trust himself to use his voice right now. - “But I don’t really fit in at school.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t look at people’s faces.”

Alhaitham tilted his head in thought, looking around before nodding. - “You can keep looking down.”

“Really?” - Kaveh finally spoke up, surprised. Alhaitham nodded. His face was serious but full of understanding.

The two walked through the corridors, Kaveh’s head held down and Alhaitham holding him by his arm as he led the way, trying to navigate the school. The blonde felt his face warm up at not only the attention the two might be getting but also the touch. He keeps constantly thinking back to that flower shop where he met Collei. More specifically, what flowers would Alhaitham like.

Would Alhaitham appreciate flowers?

Once they reach Kaveh’s classroom he stops the leading boy. - “It’s here.” - He nodded to the door, finally looking up. His voice is shaking.

Alhaitham nods, gently sliding the door open before Kaveh can stop him. The second the decorated classroom is open everyone turns to look at them.

Kaveh stills.

“I…” - He chokes out, taking a step back and looking at Alhaitham. - “..I’m sorry. My stomach hurts. - He hugs himself. - “I’ll be right back.” - He turns around before the other can stop him and almost runs to the bathroom.

Locking himself in a stall he sits down on the ground, covering his face. Deep breaths Kaveh, deep breaths… you promised yourself you’d change. He rubs his eyes before his temples, trying to calm his nerves. What’s the worst that could happen, right? Right?!

Someone knocked on the stall door, making him yell.

“Kaveh?”

Was that..

“Lumine?”

“Kaveh.” - The girl knocked again. - “Are you not feeling well?”

He slowly stood up, leaning against the wall of the stall and shakily opening the door. - “Lumine.” - He stares at his feet, lowering his head to try and hide it in his shoulders. - “Morning. How are you?” - He takes a deep breath. - “You know, the other day—”

“Why are you looking down?”

Kaveh glances at the girl's shoes before bringing his hands up to cover his face. - “Oh right. It’s strange you know… because I was actually supposed to look you straight in the eyes… I think I got cold feet.” - He closes his eyes.

“Kaveh.” - The girl's hands gently pull the other's hands away from his face, making him finally look at her. She was crying. - “Kaveh. I’m so glad you’re okay.” - She smiled, letting go of him to wipe her tears.

“Lumine please don’t–”

“I was so scared!” - She suddenly hugged him. - “Oh Kaveh, you’re one of my best friends! Don’t even worry about what happened at that bridge.” - She looked up at him. - “Those things happen in life.” - And smiled.

Kaveh slowly smiled back, holding back his own tears. - “..thank you.” - He pulls away before realising. - “Lumine you shouldn’t be here. This is the mens bathroom!”

She laughed, grabbing his hand. - “Then let's get out of here. Someones waiting for you back at the classroom.”

The two ran out, thankfully unnoticed, both laughing. Rounding the corner he notices Alhaitham. Alhaitham with…

Kaveh immediately looked down.

“Hey!” - Lumine waved, walking up to them with the boy. - “Good to see you all again.”

Xiao hummed and Aether smiled back, nervously holding something behind his back. Xiao turned to him, gently shaking him. - “Hey, do you have it?”

“Yeah… but it came out so bad I can’t give it to him!”

Kaveh slowly looks up.

“Oh don’t be ridiculous. You worked hard. Now give it to him.”

Aether hesitates but walks up to Kaveh, holding out the present. Origami cranes strung together. Kaveh finally looks at him. - “Here.” - Aether drops them into his hands. - “There was supposed to be a thousand but I couldn’t manage that… I hope this will be enough!”

He slowly looks the present over, straightening his back. - “This is amazing. Thank you so much! And I’m sorry for everything I said!” - He turned to Xiao, taking a deep breath. - “You too. I’m sorry.”

Xiao crossed his arms. - “I know you are. It’s good to see you’re fine.” - He mumbled, earning a proud smile from Aether.

“Ah, this is so heartwarming!”

Everyone turned around at the new voice. Collei waved at them, moving forward with something resting on her lap.

“Hello Kaveh!”

“Oh, hi!” - He walked over to her. - “Um, Collei, right?”

“Mhm.” - She nodded, smiling. - “I was so worried when I heard about what happened! So I’m glad I get to see you.”

“Me too.” - He smiled before turning to his friend. - “Guys, this is Collei, Tighnari’s sister.”

Everyone greeted her and she greeted them back. - “Kaveh, I have something for you.” - She looked up at him, holding out what was gently on her lap. A bouquet of lilies. - “I remember you looking at them. They’re beautiful, right?”

His breath hitches as he slowly takes the bouquet into his hands. - “Collei.. Thank you.” - He glances at Alhaitham but looks back at the girl. - “Um, since you’re here, does that mean that…”

“Yes, Tighnari is also here.” - She moved to the window, glancing out of it. - “But he’s busy.” - She smiled down.

The group followed her, also looking down. In the courtyard, just barely visible from under the tree are two boys: Tighnari and Cyno.

Tighnari was talking to Cyno, the latter sitting down on a bench and listening. Finally Tignari sits down next to him, wiping tears from his face. Cyno hesitates before placing a hand on his shoulder, saying something to him. Tighnari nods and without warning hugs him. Cyno slowly hugs him back.

Collei chuckles. - “Cute. I’m glad they finally talked. I know it was hard for Tighnari to deal with the loss of his best friend.”

Kaveh slowly nodded, watching with wide eyes.

“Hey!!” - Someone yelled, making them turn around. Sethos was waving at them, followed by Nilou, Dehya and Candace. - “We finally found you guys!”

“Seems everyone is together.” - Dehya grinned. - “Well, almost everyone. It’s great to see you!” - She nodded at Kaveh.

Candance cleared her throat. - “Indeed. Kaveh..” - She suddenly bowed. - “Please accept my apology! I’ve thought over your words. And I agree. I want to be better!”

“Woah, woah!” - Kaveh shook his head. - “Don’t apologise! Really, I said a lot of stupid things back then.”

Candace sheepishly smiled at him. Dehya suddenly clapped her hands. - “Alright, enough emotions! We’re all so glad you’re both here, breathing.” - She grinned.

Kaveh smiled, hugging his present closer. - “Thank you, everyone. If I may.. Can I ask you all a favour?” - Everyone turned to him. - “Can we walk around the festival together?”

Everyone smiled and nodded, making their way down the corridor to explore everything the festival had to offer. Aether grabbed both his sisters and Xiao’s arms, telling them the story about the 1000 origami cranes. Nilou gets lost in conversation with Collei, Dehya and Candace talk about what foods to try first with Sethos and Alhaitham sticks by Kaveh’s side. Kaveh looks at him, smiling, before remembering himself.

“Oh, right. Haitham.” - The two fall to the back of the group. - “These are for you.” - He holds out the bouquet.

Alhaitham raised his eyebrow in shock, tilting his head. - “But…”

“I wanted to buy them for you. I hope you like lilies.”

The boy slowly takes the bouquet into his hands, looking down at them. - “How did you know?..”

“Hm?” - Kaveh watched him closely.

“How did you know white lilies are my favourite?”