Chapter Text
Erik woke up to a half empty mansion.
The children and their teachers were out of the property, even. He can't detect Raven's metals either. She must've tagged along with them.
As her usual courtesy, Sarah had a prepared breakfast for him and a pot of coffee. He ate his breakfast as fast as he could and washed the dishes, almost breaking the plate when Charles spoke in his mind.
Erik, you're awake. Wonderful. The others are also awake.
Erik entered Charles' office as the telepath asked of him.
The four mutants he rescued were sitting there. They were in fresh clothes and their appearance appeared more put together. They were tired, but determination burning in their eyes. Erik felt a fleeting pride in his chest. Mutants who dare to keep their heads up after everything they've been through, these are hos brothers and sisters.
“We didn't introduce ourselves”,
“I am Marley, I have poison in my bodily fluids”, the teenager was wrapped up like a mummy in scarves and thick clothes spoke first.
“I am Marina, and I have diamond skin”, she shifted her skin to diamond, it's shimmer unparalleled to anything except for a real diamond.
“My name is Clara, and I have super healing powers. Almost to no upper limit”, the short haired British girl nodded in greetings. The oldest of them, if the silver in her hair is any indication.
“Almost?” Erik tilted his head sideways.
“I can heal myself from anything save for complete decapitation and others short from neural injuries and, again, decapitation”,
The dots connected in Erik's mind, “I read your files. They didn't mention that”,
“Where?” Charles asked him, an edge to his voice, clearly knowing he wouldn't like the answer to that.
Erik half turned to look the telepath directly in his blue eyes, “The Pentagon”,
“You and Raven got into the Pentagon”,
“Yes. Charles, we literally infiltrated the Russian command mansion”, why is that such a big deal?
“No, you barged in and I came to your rescue”,
“Same difference”, he waved off.
“Jesus, Erik”, Charles pinched the bridge of his nose.
Getting on your nerves is always fun, Charles,
Charles gave him a glare, appalled at the fact Erik used the FUN. And seems to be having fun.
“Anyways”, Erik paid attention to their guests once more,
“You must be Anya, the one with cat eyes and super smell”, He kneeled to look at her again. The black-haired girl shied away from him, hiding behind Marley. She had slitted yellow pupils, like a cat.
“Do you know where they were going to take you?” Erik got straight to the point. No use of beating around the bush. Plus, it's better for them not to live their trauma for longer than necessary. They've fought a lot; they deserve to be themselves.
“No”, Marina shook her head ruefully.
Anya tugged on Marley's pants, making him bent down to listen to her.
She whispered into his ears; eyes turned the other way.
“Okay”, Max face them, “She's saying one of the guards mentioned something about an island”,
“Is it… In South Africa”, Charles asked. He has the softness Erik thinks he'll never get to his voice in his life.
Anya’s eyes widened as she nodded.
Erik hummed in thought.
Is that what you wanted me for?
Yes. I want you to locate it.
Then what? You're going to kill them?
Erik wanted to push Charles out of his mind and wear his helmet. He doesn't get to question his methods, which were simply meeting fire with fire, whilst he gets to do nothing but judge him.
I have gifts, Charles. How can I sit here while they're tortured and experimented upon? Millions of our brothers and sisters all around the world suffer. Might as well deem myself useless.
Fine.
“What?”
“I'll help you”, Charles sighed in defeat. A tentative wave of weariness washing over their bond.
Erik didn't say a word.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Now, let's go to Cerebro before I regret it”,
“Okay”
A giddiness unlike him rattled in his chest, unable to settle down. Charles was helping him. Maybe he can bring him to his side one day.
That is never going to happen, Charles denied mentally.
Whatever you say, darling,
Wait.
Why did he say that?
What is wrong with him?
“I do not recommend going in with me”, Charles gave them an apologetic smile.
You as well, Erik,
Erik directly ignored Charles' request and entered the Cerebro.
The telepath was shivering. Probably the memory of the last time he used Cerebro came to haunt him. Erik can't blame him. He only got to see a glimpse of the hurricane that Charles had to stand his ground against. It was an unfair fight, for if Charles let go of it, he might not be as well as he is right now.
How come you couldn't hold Cerebro? It was designed to be attuned to you.
The drug, you here and Sarah being in danger resulted into a bad concoction,
Me? How am I a factor in this?
“I think about you too much”, Charles murmured, almost inaudibly before wearing the headpiece.
Erik cleared his throat, “You said it's in South Africa?”
“Yes”,
“Do you know anyone there?”
“No, but–”,
It's fine. I'll find it.
Charles kept looking.
Pictures of mutants shifted in and out of focus. Unlike the old Cerebro which felt like a foggy fever dream, this one has better defined features. The mutants are in glowing, red colour singled out from the world map, moving around as usual.
Charles zoomed in in South Africa, near Madagascar, to be precise.
They jumped from island to island, trying to detect anything unfamiliar.
“There”, Charles gasped and enlarged the place.
The island was a lush forest surrounded by high mountains. It was an incredibly beautiful place.
“This place… it has a surprisingly high native mutant population”, Charles muttered, his voice barely over a whisper, as if not to disrupt the fragile quietness of the room.
A sense of desperation overcame Charles. Their suffering and despair became his own.
“CHARLES”,
This is not supposed to be a challenge for him. The telepath was not this weak to be drowned in other people's thoughts. He always had a clear idea of himself and his own thought train.
Charles flailed his hand around, Erik took it, half desperate to ease the pain on him. His mind was assaulted with images of blood, severed people and rotten bodies as well as the screams of agonies and calls for help.
Erik didn't see only them, his kindred , kept in a twisted, cruel captivity, he also saw his past, his family, his people, in the camps, forced to labour away while dying of hunger, diseases and torture. The vision of his mother yelling for him to hide from the stomping men in uniform who took great pleasure in his people's pain.
Charles let go of Erik to catch his breath.
“My god”, he let out a shaky breath. He removed the device from his head and placed it on its stand with unstable hands.
“Now you understand why I need to kill them”,
“I…”, Charles can't say anything to defend his ways. There is nothing to justify it, “Erik”, he called his name, a plea.
“Charles. You've looked for yourself how they are”,
Charles closed his eyes; a tear ran down his face. The man who shone over others as a benevolent sun now wilted to a quivering mess of a man. Not a hiding coward, but an exhausted man.
“My entire life, my dream was for humankind and our own living together in harmony. It never seemed too out of reach or–or so… Volatile. I tried my best to make society accept us, not love us, or tolerate us. Just. Accept us”,
“You did. The children you have under your care are safe and sound”, Erik urged. Charles was not wrong in his worldview as much as he was about his approach. Humans need an iron hand to assert on them. Erik is more than ready to be just that.
“But… I don't know if it's enough”,
“If it's not, you will make it enough. You told me that true focus lies between rage and serenity. Find that”,
A short silence fell between them. The metal of the room was humming to
“Please save them”,
Erik nodded, “I'll go tomorrow”,
“Why?”
“I want to ask the rest whether they want to join us or not”,
Charles looked alarmed at the mention of the members of his house.
“I'll give them a choice”, Erik reassured them.
The last time Erik gave a choice to someone he loves that ended being… well not pretty. Charles feels hesitant to let them go in fear of them never coming back and he'll have to pick the pieces of his broken heart.
“I'll also come back”, Erik mumbled low enough for Charles not to hear him.
Erik roamed around the mansion till the rest of the residents came back, bags of toys and sweets in their hands and a cheeky smile, giving their professor excuses on why they bought so much. They got into a lighthearted banter, with the older ones chiming in to defend themselves when dragged in. The said banter only ended on a middle ground on both parties; Charles allowed them to keep the sweets and the children agreed on one extra homework in the next week for a subject of his choice.
Middle ground. They both saw the other side and understood it.
Wish the humans were… as compromising.
After the children were put to bed, the older ones entered the kitchen, where Erik was waiting for them. For some reason, the suffocating silence was nerve wracking. Erik always believed being alone with one's thoughts can be considered as one of the worst parts of being a thinking human being.
“You seem to have a lot on your mind, old friend”, Charles smiled at him from across the table.
Erik glanced around. The table was set with good food, again, prepared by the teleportioner.
The chatter was endless, so was the passing of bowls and plates of food around. They talked about how their day was, how good it felt to get out after such a long time.
“Charles. May I?”
“Yes”, Charles nodded, waiting for Erik to speak.
He didn't think Sean and Hank would go.
Well. The more the better.
“There's an island near Madagascar. Me and Raven have been trying to track it for the past 3 months. We finally found it”, Erik waved to Raven to continue.
“Our mutant brothers and sisters are held captive, being experimented upon and killed without rhyme or reason. We are going to save them. Will you join us?”
“Yes”, Flynn and Sarah said in unison.
“Are you sure?” Erik was taken back by their readiness and casual demeanor that indicated otherwise.
“I love anarchy”, Flynn shrugged.
“I will fight for my people till my last breath”, Sarah said, smiling with pride.
“We will also go”, Clara said. Her tone left no room for arguments.
“Anya will stay here”, Charles said, not an offering, but a factual statement. A child will be dragged into a war of not its making.
There were seven people now. Better than what he came in here with. Of course, he and Raven are a force to be reckoned with, he can control metal as far as he can feel, and Raven not only steals faces but also has above humans' strength and agility.
Erik walked back to his bedroom and stood in front of the door a few minutes, thinking. The distance makes the heart grow fonder. That's what it says about love and long distance.
Maybe he can spend the night with Charles. Either with chess or in his bed. He isn't picky.
Erik offered Charles, who just entered his office, “How about one last game before going?”
“I have a fear it might be the last”,
“Where else would I go?” Erik questioned softly.
Charles scoffed, “Wherever the hell you were for the past year”,
Despite his rough words, Charles accepted it and placed himself on the sofa. He fluffed the pillows and slid them behind him.
“White goes first”, Erik saw Charles make the first move, his eyes roaming over the entire chessboard to analyse the game play.
Charles made the first move.
The game was on.
“You're not in your right mind to play today”, Erik commented as a way to distract him.
But Charles, who knows the man inside and out, didn't fall for it, “Are you speaking to yourself?”
Erik let out a chuckle.
When Erik’s rooks and one knight and Charles' soldiers and bishop had fallen, Erik noticed Charles fidgeting. He was uncomfortable on the sofa, constantly shifting in his seat.
“What's wrong?”
“My leg. It's hurting me”, he snipped while massaging the spasm in his left thigh. He left out a sigh of relief when the pain passed.
Erik crossed his legs, for the heat kept growing in the pit of his stomach.
Clearing his throat, Erik moved his queen next.
“Always the one to sacrifice and fight on front lines”, Charles shook his head lightly. His front fringes fell into his eyes but he didn't move them.
“It's my fight. If I start it, then I will end it or die trying”,
It never made sense for him how the rulers or commanders sit in their comfortable forts and let the average soldier out there to be killed. And they collect all of the credit for it even if they didn't set even a single foot in the battlefield.
Without another thought, Erik leaned forward, “Besides, it brought me to you”, tucked his hair behind his ear. Erik enjoyed watching Charles redden so quickly.
The other man swatted his hand away while being pointedly focused on the chess.
“How long do you think you can push me away?” Erik asked softly.
“As long as I'm in my sane mind”,
“So, you would give in once you're insane?”
“Maybe”, Charles shrugged.
“How are you so sure that you're not insane?”
“Because you're here and…”, Charles’ cheeks darkened even more.
“And?”
Not in my bed, Charles finished his sentence in Erik's mind.
Erik couldn't fight the smirk, “Something tells me you've been thinking about it”,
“No. I haven't”, Charles said too quickly.
They both played in silence. It's unusual for them to do so. Usually, there's a conversation of one topic or another between them. If not, then they live their olden days. Erik prefers not to tell Charles about the grimmer parts of his life, which is most of it, and would just listen to the blue-eyed man rambling on about all the reckless stuff he would do. He often described himself as an “adrenaline junkie”.
But now, a somber quiet stretched between them. The tension was not thick, per say, rather it was a heavy blanket over them, comforting. Neither of them wanted the game nor the night to end. Wouldn't that be a sweet dream? Just sitting with the one he loves indefinitely.
“Stay”, Charles pleaded in a thin voice.
Had Erik been a softer man, he would've done exactly that, “Charles–”,
“I mean… the night. Stay the night. With me”,
Erik is not a softer man. He is a man desperate for any form of affection, even one dripping from a silver knife ready to stab him. And when Charles' eyes, as pure as the summer skies, gaze at him with an unbidden plea and a fear of rejection, Erik gives in.
“I'll stay”,
Not forever.
Erik regarded him, I always tend to leave, don't I?
Tomorrow is no different than the other times.
It is different, Erik insisted.
How? You walk out and I have to deal with the aftermath of your departure, the heartbreak, the children, my sister, Charles' presence pressed down on Erik's mind with each word, pushing him into a narrow place. Erik, to his credit, stood his ground.
Charles sighed and with that the invading presence was gone. Not that Erik minded it.
After the game finished, Erik pushed Charles to his room. A fuzzy feeling floated around Erik, almost trapping him in his own mind. The last time he was here, Charles didn't remember him.
You're too hard to forget, Charles half complimented half insulted him.
That's good to know, Erik nodded, unsure what to say. It's only around Charles does his words fail him. There's nothing he can tell him that he doesn't know already.
The world outside was muted. At that moment, no one but them existed. The delicate bubble of peace they've made that'll end up popping eventually, whether they want it or not. There is no ending together for them.
Charles climbed into the bed with a groan. He adjusted himself on the right side of the bed.
"Come", Charles patted the left side of his bed.
What was he supposed to do? He's not a selfless man. In fact, he's incredibly selfish. He wants Charles to himself. All of him, his mind, body and soul. Away from the world that would never appreciate him and would discard him.
There was no other option than also climbing into the bed and turning to look at the man he loves.
You're thinking too loudly.
Are you unsatisfied by my thoughts?
“Didn't say that”, Charles whispered as he buried his face in Erik's neck, making him tense up. His hair was tingling him, but Erik didn't dare to move.
The warmth of his breath and skin was so achingly warm and sweet. His smell of old books and jasmine tea that he tends to enjoy was clinging to his clothes. Charles' body fit perfectly into his own, like a puzzle piece he never bothered to search because he thought someone could love him. Erik never thought he was worth love. He was raised and trained to be a weapon, to harness his powers with wrath and darkness, rather than the fondness and calm that he meant to.
Erik wrapped his hand around Charles' waist and pressed him further with himself. What he would not give to have this every single night of his life. Charles' weight on his chest was not a burden, but rather comfort he recalls from a lifetime ago.
“I had a dream. Two of your students came here and I greeted them. I never met them before”,
“You think it's my doing?” Charles hummed, the vibrations sending a slight shiver down his spine.
“No. I want to hear what you think”,
“Maybe it's the life you wanted to live”,
“It still is”,
“Hmm”, Charles didn't bring up his mutant cause and the politics. For now, it's just them; two beating hearts next to each.
“But why did I see your students?”
“Maybe we were connected. I would think it started when I saved you”,
“That created a link?”
“Yes. Maybe it was easier to bond with you because of that”, Charles noted with an edge to his voice.
“Are you… upset about it?”
“No. If it was meant to be with anyone, I'm glad it's you”,
“Good night, Charles”,
“Good night, Erik”,
The sound of the heater going on somewhere, the snowstorm outside and Charles' even breathing brought the most peaceful sleep Erik ever had in his life.
***
Erik woke up to a world confined in the four walls of the room. Charles breathing gently in his arms. Erik took in the serenity decorating his face into the most relaxed expression be saw of him. He looked younger. His ever-present squinting and frowning that makes him appear old now disappeared, making his freckles stand out against the stark of his pale skin.
The simple act of getting out of bed was too much. The world outside was too much, his thoughts were too much. He has to leave the warmest bed he has ever known. The only thing he'll have Charles to feel is the cold side of his bed.
How can he ever ask for more.
By God, he is not a good man. He's simply pursuing to be a great one to cover for his lack of kindness. The same kindness Charles has in abundance and never held back from overflowing those around him with it.
Erik brought his hand to Charles face, tracing his freckles with his thumb lightly so as not to wake him up.
“I am so sorry”,
Erik pushed his bangs back, leaned forward and kissed his forehead.
“I promise you, I'll come back”,