Chapter Text
Dosed and Confused Part 3
"Where could he be?" asked Drakken, looking around the beach. "Shego, do you have your phone?"
"What do you think?" asked Shego as she indicated to her dress. "If it's not in what was my temporary coat, then no."
"You know, he drank less than us, so he should have a clearer mind than we did. Perhaps he can shine some light on why we went on a cross-country road trip and why we didn't just stay in the lair," said Drakken. He looked towards the road again. A small sedan was crashed into a wooden fence. "Well, unless someone else crashed, there's our car."
"Why did we rent that?" asked Shego, as they walked over towards it. "Holy..."
"Well, clearly, that's why we stayed on the beach. We couldn't leave," said Drakken, as the entire passenger side of the vehicle was smashed in. But still no Ed. "How did we end up all the way on the other side?"
"Shouldn't there be another car?" asked Shego, looking on the other side of the road. "What assholes, we crashed and they didn't even stop to see if we were okay?"
"Would you?" asked Drakken. Shego shrugged.
"Fair point," said Shego as she picked something off the ground. "Found your cell phone... Or...what's left of it."
"Well...is that a camcorder?" asked Drakken as crouched down and held up a fairly new-looking one. He used his nose to click open the tape lid. "Ow!"
"Did you forget your face?" sighed Shego. "You took a pretty good hit on your left side."
"How?" asked Drakken as he looked at the vehicle. He looked inside the camcorder. "No tape, so the mystery still remains... Wonder if it's even ours."
"It is, we picked it up in Utah," said Shego. She still held the receipts in her hand, and was peering at one. "Well there's a tape somewhere, because we purchased a two-pack...some masks...and bandanas? We robbed a bank."
"Did we rob a bank?" asked Drakken as he looked up from where he had walked up towards the car. "Well that's new, hadn't done that before. Check it off on my villain to-do list."
"...It worries me that I don't think you're joking about a list," said Shego. Drakken raised a brow. "Okay, so there's a list?"
"Every villain needs a clear plan to become infamous, Shego. You know that," said Drakken with an eye-roll. "You don't have one?"
"No, because...I'm not crazy," said Shego as she opened a car door and it fell off. "Hope we didn't put a big deposit on this thing."
"Well, whoever that Russell guy is, it was probably his...so," Drakken gave a careless shrug and cringed.
"Uh, my clothes," said Shego as they opened the trunk. She held out a few wads of cash and a scarecrow mask. "That confirms it... Drakken, do you have the key to this thing?"
"The car?" asked Drakken as he pulled out a t-shirt and looked at it. "Wet-Fest 2004... What is this?"
"I meant to the... Forget that, what's this?" asked Shego digging in the trunk and pulling out a bunch of baby food jars filled with something white.
"Is that sugar?" asked Drakken with a confused look. Shego shrugged.
"Why would we have baby jars filled with sugar... Oh...oh this isn't sugar," said Shego, her eyes shooting open as something clicked.
Flashback
Shego laughed hysterically as they pulled up to a shack of a bar somewhere in the desert of Arizona, the tin cans making a ruckus as they arrived. The car had barely stopped before she jumped from the vehicle. Drakken snorted with laughter as she didn't make a very graceful landing. Ed spun the keys in his hands as he got out of the car. He had flowers woven in his now-multicolored hair; tiny braids that were haphazardly done, keeping the flowers in. Miss Trusting, the woman from the strip club, got out of the passenger seat holding a large bottle of some beverage. She was doubled over with laughter.
"Shaychel, you're a riot!" she laughed.
"I try," grinned Shego as she tossed her arms around her and Drakken, Christmas lights worn like a crown around his head.
"Babes, what did you write on my shirt?" asked Ed as he read it upside down. "De Retom, Gnitaob Rotom?
"You're reading it backwards," said Drakken. "Clearly Gnitaob, is said Gintaob."
"Welcome to Wet-Fest, 2004," said a melancholy-voiced man with the name 'Vex' written in spray paint on his shirt. "Contestants drink and get in free, everyone else is thirty dollars."
"Oooh, wet-fest, sounds fun," grinned Miss Trusting. She looked at Shego. "Wanna enter? Free drinks!"
Beach
"I can honestly say I don't remember that," said Drakken. "I remember Miss Trusting joining us on our trip. I don't know how or why... I remember braiding Eddie's hair, and I remember Vex. Because it was a weird name and short for an even weirder name."
"I didn't enter, Miss Trusting did... But that has nothing to do with these," said Shego, holding up the jar. "You don't remember the party? We went to it."
Flashback
The bar was closed down, or so one would assume if they were to try to get in. The lights were dimmed and stools were up in half of the bar. This didn't factor into the dozens of people still lingering, people intoxicated in some way who were dancing to music that was so loud it might blow a speaker. There were bottles of powders and jars of pills. It was not the sort of party one would find Drakken or Shego at unless they needed to track someone down. Shego was out of it; she felt like she was getting hot and cold in a span of seconds. She'd been dancing with Miss Trusting and some others, but presently found her way to where Drakken was half-asleep at the bar. Shego felt the need to be touched, but couldn't rationalize why at that moment. She leaned on his shoulder.
"Drakken, I don't feel so good," said Shego. Her energy was waning and she felt like it shouldn't be.
"Too much dancing?" asked Drakken, a grin on his face. His pupils were unnaturally dilated, but less as Shego thought about it. She felt like she was noticing more things than she should.
"Did we take something?" asked Shego. "I feel like we did..."
"Shaychel, let's dance some more," said Miss Trusting. She was lively and wide-eyed. "Eddie's too busy with pool."
"Yeah," said Shego. A sudden jolt of energy washed over her and the sickness faded while the fog returned.
"Dude's not even with it, let's take care of this outside," said a man near Drakken. He shoved another guy and the two headed outside.
Drakken spun his empty glass happily and then looked at all the jars next to him. He didn't know why they had left a bunch of little jars and took off; clearly they didn't want them. Drakken looked at them. They would be perfect for his smaller assortment of screws and bolts. The tray his were currently in kept falling out and he hadn't bothered ordering a new one.
"Shego," said Drakken with a grin. "Look at these. They're so nifty and small... Can I have them?"
"Of course," said Shego. She looked around and grabbed some woman's purse who was currently too involved with the man she was with in the corner booth. Shego dumped it out. "This should be big enough."
"These are perfect for screws," said Drakken proudly as he put them in. "So wasteful, you know, to just leave them here."
"Look at you, trying to save the world from pollution," Shego grinned. "Better for—"
"When we rule it." Drakken gave a throaty laugh and an evil look that vanished instantly. "That one's purple... I want that one."
"That's a bottle of aged Tequila... I want it," said Shego, nearly jumping over the counter at the same time. "You have the bottles."
"That one looks prettier, I want that one," said Drakken. He smacked his head on the bar trying to stand up. Blood trickled down but he was unfazed and laughed. "I think I'm bleeding."
"Oh...oh my god, you are," Shego snorted. She looked at the bottle. "We can share it."
"Okay, but I want the bottle," said Drakken. He shoved it in the leather purse, the sound of clinking muffled by something heavy and in a wrap. He moved it and a blast went off.
"What the... Seriously!?" yelled Ed. They both looked over to him where a scrape across his arm bled and a light was busted behind him. "Dude, Cuz... Did you shoot me?"
"No, the bag did," said Drakken, holding it up. Ed looked at him.
"Well, tell your bag to get itself together, seriously," said Ed, going back to the conversation he was having with Miss Trusting and the doorman, Vex.
"Where the hell is the drugs, Pete!" yelled a man standing where Drakken and Shego had briefly been sitting. The bartender looked confused. "It didn't just walk off. Where is the drugs!?"
"I went to take a piss, Marko," said Pete. He looked towards Drakken and Shego. "Ask those two, they were here when I left."
"Where are the drugs?" said Marko, pulling out a gun.
"Whoa, calm down Marko, these two are just riding a wave right now, they didn't take your drugs," said Vex, stepping in. He staggered a bit from whatever he had drunk. "They accidentally took some other drugs."
Beach
"There was a fight, and I remember being shoved through a window," said Shego with a shrug. "That's it."
"Wait, this is..." Drakken looked at the jars with wide eyes.
"A hella lot of expensive cocaine," came a male voice from a ditch on the other side of the road. They jumped and saw the bar doorman, Vex, laying on the ground. "Good to see you two are lucid and alive."
"Oh dear," said Drakken, dropping the bag only for another blast to go off.
"Son of a... Drew, Cuz, I swear!" came the yell of Ed, who fell down in the sand a few yards off. Miss Trusting let out a yell and then after a second, gently kicked him. "Seriously...?"
"He's fine," said Miss Trusting as she helped him up.
"You shot him twice," said Shego with a sigh. "You need to work on your aim better, he's still talking."
"Very funny, Green. You two out of your fog yet?" asked Ed as he walked up to them, looking at a wound on his other arm. "Seriously, what the hell Cuz."
"We're just trying to piece everything together," said Drakken. He jumped as Vex appeared beside him, his arm as disconnected as Drakken's felt.
"Well, I can't tell you what happened before you three walked into Girls, Girls, Girls... but I can help with the after. Well, as best as I can remember. I don't remember much after we hit Route 66," said Miss Trusting. She gave a shrug and a polite smile. "Misty Trust... Eddie tells me it's Shego, not Shaychel."
"Uh, yeah," said Shego, trying to figure out where that name came from. She looked at a confused Drakken, but he looked at Vex.
"I got you from the bar until last night, but I got nothing," said Vex, he shrugged. "You three told us you robbed a bank, and stole some sort of neuron laser thing, but that's all I grasped."
"We stole the laser?" said Drakken quickly. He shook his head. "You know what, why don't you tell us everything you know after we get out of there."
"I know someone with a boat that can take us as far as Corpus Christi," said Misty. She shrugged. "My fake passport won't do me any good getting in though."
"I have some pals at border control that will let it slide," said Vex with a shrug.
"We still have to get back to Vegas for the annulment," said Misty, looking at Ed. He shrugged.
"Do we really? We didn't even get to have any perks, seriously... These two kept cramping our style," said Ed, indicating to Drakken and Shego.
"Uh, yeah...seriously," said Misty with an eye-roll. "I saw a payphone up the road."
"Do you guys mind if I tag along for a bit?" said Vex, pulling out the gun. He cringed. "I need to lay low after last night. Shooting your boss in the leg isn't good, especially if he has a lot of influences."
"You did shoot him trying to defend Drew," said Ed. He looked at Drakken and grinned. "I can't believe you actually did steal all the drugs."
"I wanted the bottles," said Drakken defensively.
"Speaking of the drugs..." said Vex, holding up the bag.
"What a waste of quick green," said Ed, shaking his head as they stared at the fire.
"Drug dealing is so high school," said Drakken with an eye-roll. "I know you're late to the villain game Eddie, but do step it up."
"So, Girls, Girls, Girls?" asked Shego, looking at Misty as she took a swig of Tequila."Interesting line of work."
"Mercenary work doesn't pay as much as it used to," shrugged Misty. She nodded to the setting sun where a boat was in the distance. "That's our ride."
"Mercenary… do tell..." smirked Shego as the two walked towards the pier, tossing the empty bottle of tequila on the burning drugs.
"Seriously, how much dough did we just burn?" asked Ed. Drakken rolled his eyes and followed the women.
"You don't want to know," said Vex, patting his shoulder and following after Drakken.
"Like, how many sick bikes are we talking?" asked Ed, watching the fire burn for a bit. "Shame...seriously."
"Eddie!" yelled Drakken from the pier.
"Stop yelling at me, Shego, I'm not in the mood," snapped Drakken as they walked into their lair, his arm properly braced. He was wearing a black shirt, jeans, and sandals. "We'll figure it out."
"You're not in the mood? We went through everything, recanted as much as we could, and still no key. I'd blast it off but if it misfires, the last thing I want is hot metal on me," snapped Shego, indicating to her lower half.
"I'm sure I have tools..." said Drakken, though he looked uncomfortable at the idea. "We'll get it off."
"Yeah well, you better!" said Shego, throwing down what few items they had brought with them. "I can't believe I'm stuck wearing this... Do you know how messed up it is to pee in this?"
"I can only imagine," cringed Drakken. He opened his mouth and hesitated. "What about..."
"Don't get me started, I have yet to find out and I don't want to," said Shego. She blasted a chair.
"Really..." said Drakken. He put his good arm on his hip. "Because what did that solve?"
"It wasn't your face, was it?" said Shego with a glare. Drakken gave a nervous chuckle.
"Uh, good point," said Drakken. He sighed and looked around the lair. He heard running and Hector appeared in the doorway.
"Oh good, you're back," said Hector. He sighed in relief.
"Hector?" asked Drakken. Shego and he looked at each other. "What...are you doing here?"
"Waiting for you two to get back," said Hector. He walked over to the desk and began opening it. "I put them in here because I didn't want any of the other henchmen to ask. First, I'm really glad to be back, and second... I feel honored you entrusted me with this... But really...I'd just like to go back to being a...a...uhg, henchmaid."
"Sorry, what?" asked Shego. The corners of her lips flickered. "Hench...maid?"
"Yeah," he sighed. He held up a package and a key. "I'm still confused why you told me to guard this key Dr. Drakken."
"Shego... Hector...has the key." Drakken smirked at Shego. "He who holds the key... Ow! Why?"
"Do you want it to be your other arm?" asked Shego as she punched his good arm. "Hand it over."
"Okay, the package came this morning," said Hector, tossing her a small package as Drakken took the key.
"What is... Give me that," said Shego as she snatched for the key in Drakken's hand. He pulled back.
"But I hold the key to the greatest treasure in all the land, Shego," smirked Drakken. "He who holds the key..."
"Will be losing his hand if I don't get to pee," said Shego with a forced grin. Her hand flared.
"You've always got to ruin our fun," sighed Drakken as he tossed her the key and she gave him the package. "Oh, how nice, don't even open it."
"I got it," said Hector, opening the package and then taking a step back. He looked nervous. "Ohm so... Are you two a thing... Because when you guys gave me the key..."
"Hector?" asked Drakken, staring at him.
"Yes?" asked Hector nervously.
"Why don't you go clean something," said Drakken. Hector nodded and then left quickly, "Hey, Shego?"
"What?" came Shego as she came back in the room, the agitation having faded into just mild annoyance.
"It's the tape," said Drakken, holding it up. "You know, from what happened..."
"What other tape would it be?" Shego rolled her eyes and grabbed it. "A whole tape documenting our stupid, drug-addled, insane, inappropriate adventure...huh."
"So, do you want to... Hey! Really, Shego?" asked Drakken as the tape burst into green flames. "I still had questions."
"Some we might not want to have the answer to," said Shego. Drakken nodded. They looked at the remains on the ground.
"Shego..."
"Yes," she sighed.
"That was only one tape," said Drakken.
"So..."
"Where's the second one?" asked Drakken. He and Shego looked at each other wide eyed.
"Mom, who's Russell?" asked Ron as he looked at the jumbling of mail and held a small package.
"It's probably from your Aunt Heidi, you know she butchers your name," said Mrs. Stoppable from the living room.
"Oh, right," said Ron as he opened it. "Why would she send me a tape about Vegas and Route 66?"
"You know her, always coming up with weird things. It's probably a birthday message, you should go watch it," said Mrs. Stoppable. "Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes."
"Fine," sighed Ron as he headed to his room. "Hope it's not something weird."
Hope you're in the Mood...for more ?