Chapter Text
In the soft, cloaked light of the late afternoon, the Wilderwood was painted in green.
Ella Ashmore could feel the light on her skin, the warmth that danced with her own, the warmth that came constantly from within her. The sunlight shuttered through the branches of each tree she passed, painting her face in gold.
If anyone was watching, they would have seen that twinkling; the light meeting light. But, no-one was watching the Queen. Only she, and her most trusted, fearsome knight, knew she had abandoned her duty to wander, just as she had before the darkness had settled over her life and house.
Sir Crumb had hummed in agreement when Ella had whispered to him that morning. "No grand breakfast, no suitors, no approving requests and no reading letters," she had told him, twisting her hair behind her and pulling the soft, green hood of her cloak over her head, "just for today. Promise you'll keep my secret?"
So, Sir Crumb had been stationed outside of Ella's bedchambers all day, telling anyone who asked that their queen had eaten too much cheese at dinner the night before. It was the only excuse he could think of when put on the spot.
It enabled Ella to think- she hadn't had a lot of time to, lately. After that fateful day on which she was crowned Queen, right in this very woods, the once exiled and terrified girl, acting as servant in her own house, was looked up to and called upon each and every day. It was duty, and courtiers, and the villagers who had once scorned her asking for advice on petty disputes and land ownership. It was welcome, she supposed. She had the final say; she could show kindness where people hadn't; she could be the kind, just ruler that their land had needed all this time. It was right. It was what Bog's Hollow, and all The Lands That Are, needed.
But was it her sweet dream? As the light fell over her face and she felt that familiar breeze, that distant, otherworldly call of the old oak tree, she knew that it wasn't. But when she pictured the home she wished she could have protected, and the girl she once was who needed a saviour, she knew it was a burden that she was glad to bear.
As the air around her seemed to still, she knew she had reached the clearing. Here, Lady Ashmore danced. And Lady Ashmore burned.
The memories came unbidden as she felt her heavy, numb legs beneath her approach the wizened oak, as her tired eyes traced the green moss which spattered the old bark. She pictured her mother, praying for her sweet dream, only to end in ashes. She pictured a childhood stuck in the dirty, soot-ridden dark, half-convincing herself she was crazy- that she brought this curse upon herself.
She looked up to the green, and it washed away. She hiked up her long peasant's dress slightly to take her seat among the roots, feeling herself sink slightly into the earth. It was an odd feeling- like coming home after a long journey. As she took her seat, she could almost hear Justine chiding her: "Ella, cover your ankles! There could be boys nearby!"
Next to her were their graves- Lucy and Justine Grizzwald, her dear childhood friends, who lost their lives in trying to save her. They broke her heart, and yet they mended it; they broke through that vengeful view of the world that sometimes blinded her, reminding her of innocence, of true, selfless kindness. It was their kindness that she wished to lead with. She wished to embrace all those wondrous, childhood dreams, and combine them with that fierce loyalty one could only have with friends. That was how she wished to rule; with a steadfast kindness and loyalty which did not draw the line at chasing those sweet, sweet dreams.
The light bathed her face, encasing her in warmth. But was it the sun's rays she felt, or the warmth deep inside of her, that starlight, that living ember of the flame of life? Without it, would she be cold, still laid out in the ruins of the Ashmore house? She could feel the lifelessness of these legs she carried, and often she wondered if they were an illusion, if she was an illusion, a trick of the light. If maybe, when her reign ended and she joined her mother and father again, all who had known her would remember naught but fire and starlight.
****
The sun had set upon Bog's Hollow, orange melting below the distant mountains. Ella knew her way around the castle by now- guided by some grateful servants, she had been taught the passageways to take to avoid nosy courtiers. So, she snuck in through the kitchen entrance, plunged into darkness and surrounded by the sweet smell of real food. She let it waft through her senses for a blissful moment before scurrying out of the darkness and up the grand staircase into her wing of the castle- a place which one belonged to the late King. When she arrived at the top of the stairs, her false legs heavy, she was breathless. Just like the late King. Hah!
As she snuck down the darkened hallway, only guided by a few flickering candles, she felt the fatigue wash over her that had become so normal as of late. This day had been meant to clear her head, and yet she was still left with more questions than answers. The Wilderwood kept her close to her mother, to the Grizzwald sisters, to the Goddess that she knew lurked beneath the soil. But even there, she didn't feel like herself as she had before- that girl was lost for good. And how could she find herself now, so far from home in a place which never belonged to her in the first place...?
Ella noticed the grand doors of her bedchambers come into view, framed by two tall candlesticks carved from oak branches. It was some of the only decorating Ella had done since arriving- God, she hadn't even gotten rid of the King's ugly red curtains, or the Prince's couch. Though, that was because she had been advised by Tadius not ever to touch it.
And as Tadius came to her mind, so easily it was startling, there he was; steadfast in front of her door, his hands clasped behind his back and his head high as though the wall facing him was some sort of noble audience. Gods, what time was it? Ella couldn't even place it- but there he was in his day clothes, the only difference in uniform to the day she first laid eyes on him being the moss-green capelet he now wore over his shoulder when on duty around the castle. Ella knew it was a sign of loyalty and servitude and not for them to match, specifically, but she liked to kid herself sometimes that they looked natural, right, standing next to each other. But, Gods. That was just another silly dream.
As Ella approached, somehow Tadius seemed to have heard her ghostly footfall and he turned his head, those suspicious dark eyes narrowing for a moment. But only for a moment, for as Ella drew closer, trying to fight the smile on her face, his eyes widened in recognition. He quickly turned back to the wall, shaking his head, trying in vain to mask the amused smile ghosting over his lips.
"Too much cheese, my lady?" He said, trying to disguise the amusement playing in his voice, "I wasn't aware that vanishing from your bedchambers was a symptom of such a thing."
"Ah, well, it's a very tricky condition, too much cheese," Ella replied, unable to help the wide smile cracking her face as she drew up next to the door, standing next to her advisor. He refused to meet her eyes for a moment- an old habit- until she spoke again, a genuine laugh falling from her lips, "but cheese, really? Tell me that is not what Sir Crumb told the entire castle..."
"I'm afraid so," Tadius replied, and he turned to face her again, their eyes meeting once more. He went silent for a moment, his expression unreadable in the way it sometimes was when they shared conversations like this, "but, do not worry, he was not here for long. Lord Hop-A-Lot has made sure the guards allow for Sir Crumb to have a respectable bed time. He is only a little mouse, after all."
Ella grinned, and as her servant looked back he couldn't help but echo that brilliant smile, just for a moment. When he had served the late King, Tadius had been professional at all times and- admittedly- hadn't had much reason to smile at all. However, it was different now. His clever Queen seemed only to care about professionalism when it came to herself, and made him break his professional facade almost every moment they spent together, whether it was intentional or not. But, on the Nine Good Gods, he couldn't bring himself to care. Ella was a kind, noble Queen- she implemented no punishments. And even if there was a punishment, he would bear it just to see her smile, to hear those intelligent, beautiful thoughts she had kept inside her whole life.
But, oh Gods, he couldn't possibly keep thinking like that.
"A respectable bed time, of course," Ella replied, nodding serenely, before folding her arms over her chest, "and you, Tedius? I have never imagined you being anything but respectable..."
Tadius grimaced at this nickname, his eyes sparkling with amusement, before shrugging. As the candlelight crossed his features, Ella noticed the dark circles underneath those eyes, "Oh, I wouldn't dream of being anything but, my Lady. I simply thought I'd take the task into my own hands. I... well. I don't like to think of my Queen being unwell."
As he said this his eyes flickered away, once again turning to the wall opposite them. Ella watched him for a moment too long, her eyes lingering on those dark eye bags, then on the deep green capelet resting over one broad shoulder. She swallowed, and then, she smiled.
"You can say you were worried, you know," she teased, with a soft smile. Tadius let out a breath, shaking his head. A low chuckle escaped him, and he looked back at her.
"Perhaps, but who knows, since my Queen is not sick from the dreaded cheese..." he replied, with a smile that could almost rival the most radiant starlight. Ella shook herself out of the thought, smiling back almost without meaning to. She reached to her green hood, pulling it down to settle on her shoulders, letting her braids cascade over her back. Tadius watched for a moment, his eyes betraying him. Gods, he was too courteous. Ella would have almost called it boring if she didn't find it so comforting, after years of disdain and mistreatment.
"Will you ask where I have been, and chide me for not telling you where I was going? Or will I have to tell you of my own volition?" Ella asked, tilting her head to one side.
"'Tis none of my business," Tadius shrugged, with the ghost of a smile, before his eyes met hers again, seriously, "though, if you so wish, tell me next time, so I do not spend all day pacing worrying for you."
As soon as he said this, he swallowed, as though realising his own mistake. It was the same look Ella recognised from that night on the veranda, when he had come so close to telling her she was beautiful. She could tell, even back then by the look in his eyes, that he would have been the first man to have really meant it.
"Pacing, I see," she couldn't help but poke a little, trying to fight the smile on her face, "well, I suppose I can see why. You wouldn't want another monarch dead, especially with no-one to pass the crown to..."
"Yes, of course, your majesty. That is the only reason," Tadius replied, obviously, before clearing his throat, shifting a little on his feet. He looked to Ella for a moment, his face slightly flushed, and instantly they both looked away.
There was a silence for a moment, until Ella broke it. She found her gaze on the light of the candles, a light that seemed to dance on her skin, "I returned to the Wilderwood. I needed a day with my mother, and the Grizzwald girls. I thought it would help me figure everything out, but... I fear I am just as clueless as previously." She looked back to him, giving a strained, tired smile. Tadius blinked, watching her face for a moment, concern evident in his eyes.
"Ell- My Queen," he said, stumbling slightly over his words, his eyes wide, "if you are having problems with the court, or any of your duties, you must turn to me. It is my job to lighten the load- Gods, I should have considered you needing a day or two off, what with all the new arrangements-"
"Tadius," Ella quietened him, but not so much as a ruler but as a friend, her voice soft enough to knock the words from his tongue, "I am managing. And you are doing more than enough already, what with all this correspondence, and... guarding me when you should be sleeping. Really, do you rest? You look like you've had a run-in with an short-tempered gnome..."
Tadius almost snorted, "you wound me."
"Well, I cannot lie to you, doing such would undermine your intelligence," Ella gave a knowing smile, before continuing, "I am simply struggling to figure myself out. But that is a dull conversation."
Tadius opened his mouth, immediately prepared to argue. Expecting this, Ella slipped past him, leaning against the handle of the door and backing slightly into her bedchambers, "I must rest, and I order you do the same, Tadius. There are guards who will readily take your place. The bags under your eyes could probably hold three weeks worth of groceries..."
Tadius couldn't help it, as she slipped back into the darkness of her room, her smile so knowing. He laughed a genuine, loud laugh as the door closed and, unable to refuse orders, reluctantly went to find a guard to replace him.
But going to his bedchamber did not mean he was able to sleep- he stayed awake, thinking of his Queen's words and her troubled expression all through the night, thinking up solutions he could implement that may lift the sadness from her sweet, dark eyes.