Archive of Our Own ^beta

Gepard couldn't help but stare at one of the parade floats sitting in the warehouse.

He had no reason to stare at it for as long as he had. His task was only to check each float for anything dangerous or illegal and he had been incredibly thorough. Every nook and cranny of each float was free of danger. In fact, they were spotless. Yet he still sat on the edge of an adjacent float, his mind wandering as he contemplated what was in front of him.

Among all the bright colours and flashy glitter, his eyes were drawn instead to a painting on the side of the float, illuminated by the moon. It was of a wedding, a grandiose celebration spanning from end to end, and in the middle were the newlyweds, their suits brushing against each other as they kissed.

Gepard couldn't shake the image of him being in that painting out of his mind. He could picture it so clearly, feeling the stubble on his husband's chin as they began the rest of their lives together with a kiss. An entire life with a man he had never met flowed through his mind, from making love on their wedding night to their honeymoon to—

He snapped himself out of his train of thought. What was he thinking? That wasn't a proper life for him. He had the pride of the Silvermane Guards to uphold. He had the pride of the Landaus to hold. He couldn't even imagine the disappointment on his father's face if he knew his son had married a man. For Aeon's sake, neither of the men in the painting even looked like him!

He had to think of something else, think of someone else. He tried to imagine a woman his father would approve of instead. His father expected him to give the Landau family an heir soon, after all. Yes, it'd be their wedding night, full of joy and celebration, and he'd exchange vows with the beautiful…the beautiful…

"No! No men!"

Gepard cleared his mind, starting over from the beginning, exchanging vows with a beautiful woman of indeterminate identity. This was perfect! He could take this opportunity to pick a partner to continue the Landau name!

Now Gepard just had to narrow down the identity of his future wife with some features. Would she be tall? Of course, she had to be tall…because… they'd have tall sons! Obviously! No other reason! Second, what colour would her eyes have? Green? Green is a nice colour for eyes…and… they'd have green-eyed children! Maybe! That's gotta be how that works. Probably. Next, hair colour. What colour would her hair be? Brown? Too boring, too boring. Blonde? No, then everyone would think they're related. Blue? Yes, blue, a very unique colour for a very unique—

"You're describing Sampo, you idiot!"

He just needed sleep. That's what this was. It was late, and he was tired. All he needed to do was finish this job and get a good night's rest.

"Nice art."

Gepard jumped from his seat, grabbing his flashlight and shining it towards the voice behind him.

"Relax, pal. Can't a guy get a sneak peek at all the floats?" The man said, hands in the air.

Gepard loosened his grip on the flashlight, breathing a sigh of relief as he recognized the man in front of him. "Stop sneaking up on me like that, Sampo."

"Why should I? It's fun."

"I'm on an important assignment. Besides, you shouldn't be in here anyway. You're lucky I haven't put you in handcuffs yet."

"We both know you're not doing that anytime soon," Sampo said, taking up Gepard's spot on the ledge. "Who else would you talk to when you're feeling down?"

As much as Gepard wanted to tell Sampo off, he was right. He couldn't talk to anyone else about how he felt sometimes. The other guards? They didn't always get it. Serval? She always meant well, but he didn't want to be coddled, even if he was her baby brother. His father? Forget about it. Sampo would always pop out of nowhere to listen whenever he needed someone to talk to.

He begrudgingly sighed, taking a seat next to Sampo. "You got me."

"I always do, pal. Now, what's on your mind?"

Gepard took a moment to collect his thoughts, finding the best way to word his predicament. "My father's expecting me to get married soon."

"Ah, so that's why you were zoning out earlier."

"Hey! I wasn't zoning out!"

"Dude, do you even know how hard I have to try to scare you most of the time? You jumped out of your seat the moment I opened my mouth."

"Whatever."

"But seriously, what's the big deal? Daddy doesn't approve of the love of your life?"

"That's the thing…I don't have a woman I want to marry. I don't think I've ever been interested in a woman, so I'm not even sure where I'd start."

"Perfect! Then you shouldn't have any problem finding someone. I'm sure you'll get swarmed by people who are dying to make you their husband. I mean, not only are you a 10/10 in the looks department, you're also a hero! Anyone would be stupid to pass that up."

Gepard scoffed. "Sounds like you want to marry me more than anything."

"Who says I don't?" 

Gepard couldn't help but scoff at Sampo's ridiculous statement, but he looked dead serious. Gepard could never honestly tell if Sampo was serious about anything, and he's joked about them being together before, but the look in his eyes was convincing this time. The two of them…married…

No. It had to be another joke. 

It had to be.

He let out an awkward chuckle. "Stop messing around. I'm trying to be serious here."

Sampo dramatically clutched his chest, flopping backwards against the wooden platform. "Rejected again! How could you be so cruel?!"

Gepard could feel a wave of relief flow over him, breaking out into a comfortable laugh. As much as he hated to admit it, Sampo always knew how to cheer him up.

"Feel better, pal?"

"Yeah, thanks…pal."

The two of them sat in silence for what felt like hours, enjoying each other's company. It's been a while since they sat around like this. Ever since the Overworld and Underworld united, neither of them have had a moment to themselves, constantly busy with handling the reunification on both sides. The brief respite from their busy lives was always welcome.

Finally, Sampo broke the silence.

"Seriously, though. If there's anything else you wanna talk about, you can tell me."

Gepard took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts. "I'm scared, Sampo. Scared of not meeting my father's expectations. Scared of—"

"You're still hung up about that old guy? Seriously, who cares?"

"I do!" Sampo flinched, making Gepard realize how loud he was. "I'm sorry. It's a touchy subject."

"No harm taken. I just didn't know he meant that much to you."

"He doesn't. He's an asshole and I wish he'd leave me be…but he's family. He raised me, and I just…feel like I owe him."

"You've paid him back more than enough, trust me."

"Have I? Look at me. I'm in my mid-twenties and I can't even give him an heir! That's already bad enough, but now I'm sitting here thinking about marrying a man and all this other—"

"Oh?"

Gepard paused, going red in the face as he realized what he had said. "No, I mean—what I meant was—"

"Don't bother, Geppie. You're a terrible liar."

Gepard sighed, hunching forward. "Yeah. That's what I was thinking about. Marrying a man. I don't know why, but whenever I think about it, it just…feels so right. Sampo, I think…I think I like men."

He stared at the ground, waiting for Sampo to say something. He didn't dare look up, only being able to imagine the disgust on his face. He shouldn't have said anything. He should leave and never come back. He's fucked up enough. All of this is his fault for—

His train of thought was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. He looked over, only to see Sampo gently smiling at him. For once, a genuine, loving smile.

"There, there, pal. Don't cry."

Gepard noticed his eyes were wet, quickly wiping them with his hand. He scoffed. "I wasn't crying."

"C'mon, you were totally crying!" Sampo teased.

Gepard chuckled, giving him a playful shove. "Shut up."

Sampo laughed too, shoving Gepard back. Gepard could feel a weight lift off his shoulders, knowing that at least someone was okay with his newfound ideas. He could finally breathe a little. He still had someone who would listen.

"Thanks for being okay with all this. I don't really know what any of these thoughts mean, or if they'll lead to anything, but I'm happy this hasn't changed things between us. This is all a first to me, and—"

"Wait. First time having these thoughts, or first time telling anyone?"

Gepard paused, thinking he had said something wrong. "First time having these thoughts."

"Really?!"

"Is something wrong?" Gepard started to curl up again.

"No! No! Not at all! I just assumed this was something you…already considered! My bad."

"Why would you think that?"

Sampo blinked, processing what he had just heard before holding his head in his hands. "Wow, you're clueless."

"Are you telling me you somehow knew I was having these thoughts before I did?"

"Oh, c'mon! You have beautiful women swarming around you 24/7, and you don't try to date any of them? Your sister was ready to call you gay on the spot, but I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I was like 'hey, maybe he's hung up about a crush from high school,' but she was insistent, let me tell you—"

"Serval knew too?!"

"C'mon, she's a lesbian. Her knowing should be the least surprising thing I've mentioned. Anyway, then she started telling me about how you'd always blush whenever a guy complimented you—"

"I've never done that! I don't even remember the last time a guy complimented me."

"Really?" Sampo suddenly leaned in close, looking straight into Gepard's eyes. "I just assumed you would get compliments all the time with how handsome you are."

Gepard felt his face get hot as Sampo took his hand, gently kissing it. This wasn't fair. Those green eyes captivated him like nothing else. Those plump lips were begging to be kissed. Anyone would get flustered in this situation, damnit! This proves nothing!

Sampo dropped the act, smiling maniacally. "Ha! You're blushing!"

"You caught me off guard!"

"Whatever you say, gay boy."

Gepard laughed along with him, letting all his previous embarrassment wash away. They sat there in silence once more, enjoying each other's company. Gepard could only smile in relief, knowing his secret was safe with someone as understanding as Sampo.

Sampo…he really did have beautiful eyes. He tried to envision all the green streaks and specs of glitter, but whenever he looked back, they looked ever better than his imagination. Nothing could compare to the real thing. Those lips, too. Those soft, beautiful lips, surrounded by the slightest layer of stubble. They were so close, he could almost…

"See something you like, pal?"

Gepard realized he was staring too long, turning back in embarrassment. "Sorry."

"Don't be. I was staring a bit too."

"Huh?"

"Okay, stop. You know you're handsome. I know you're handsome. I know that you know you're handsome. You're not that clueless."

Gepard's eyes went wide as he connected the dots.

“Wait…so you’re saying…this whole time…you…”

Sampo threw his hands in the air. "Guilty as charged. I mean, can you blame me? You're cute, nice, and a hero. What's not to love?"

"I mean…if you liked me and knew I liked men, why didn't you say anything?"

"Wanted you to figure it out on your own is all. Let me tell you, that took a lot of patience. I mean, I knew, your sister knew, Seele knew, Bronya knew, Pela knew—"

"You don't need to remind me."

"But seriously, I just wanted to give you some space."

Gepard smiled. "Thanks…pal."

"Any time…pal."

The tension in the air was palpable at this point. Gepard awkwardly shuffled in his seat, waiting for the other to say something. This whole time, Sampo actually liked him? Is he really this clueless?

He could beat himself up over that later. There was one more thing he had to try.

“Hey…since you said you like me…I was wondering…”

"Did you want to kiss?"

Gepard felt his burning up again. "…Yeah."

"Didn't expect you to be so timid when it came to this type of thing."

"I told you, I've never been interested in anyone. I don't have any experience with this."

"It's okay, I'll help you out. Just close your eyes."

Gepard did as he was told, squeezing his eyes shut like he was bracing for impact.

"You don't need to close them that hard, y'know."

'I'm trying, okay?"

"I know, I know."

Gepard was instantly soothed by a hand on his cheek, Sampo's smooth skin enveloping his face. Time ground to a standstill as Sampo's breath fluttered across Gepard's lips.

Finally, they met. It was better than Gepard could ever imagine. Sampo's lips were soft like silk, coated in a thin layer of saliva that glided effortlessly as they kissed. It was suffocating. Gepard's chest was being crushed, his body overwhelmed with ecstasy. It was getting hard to breathe.

"Air!"

Gepard pulled away, catching his breath right before he could pass out. That was a lot, he thought.

When he snapped back to reality, he could hear Sampo laughing to himself. "You can breathe through your nose, y’know."

"Hey! You know I've never done this before!"

Sampo eventually stopped his laughter with tremendous effort. "You're right, you're right, I'm sorry. Wanna try again?"

"Absolutely."

This time, Gepard pulled him, smashing his lips against Sampo. He had gotten a taste, and he wanted more. He needed more. He needed more of Sampo's saliva coating his tongue. He needed more of that heavy feeling in his lungs. He needed—

"What am I doing?"

Gepard pulled back, breathing heavily. What was wrong with him? He couldn't do this. This wasn't right. What if the rest of the guards saw? Aeons forbid, what if his father saw? He'd be an outcast! A disgrace!

"You okay? I get that it's your first time, but—"

"I can't do this." Before Sampo could react, Gepard pushed him away, rushing out of the warehouse.

"Wait! You forgot your flashlight!" Gepard didn't care. He needed to get out of there. There's nothing wrong with him. He's just tired. That's right. He's just tired, and he needs to go home and sleep. Everything will be fine in the morning. He just needs sleep.

He didn't get any sleep.

Gepard spent the whole night tossing and turning, unable to get that kiss out of his mind. He couldn't stop thinking about what everyone would think of him if they saw. All their respect for him would disappear in an instant. He'd lose everything.

At that moment, he didn't care. For those few long seconds, he couldn't control his urges. It was as if he were possessed.

No, not possessed. He had agency. He was a grown man, for Aeon's sake! He could control his urges. He could control them, but he didn't. His heart still fluttered all the same. He felt light.

He felt free.

Had he ever felt free before? Did he ever get to act on his agency before? Between the reputation he had to hold and his father's demands, had he ever gotten to choose for himself? No. That was the first time. That kiss was the first time in 25 years that he got to ignore the pressures around him, just for a moment. Maybe that type of life wasn't so bad. Maybe—

"Hello? Anyone in there?"

Gepard returned to reality, finally noticing Sampo's hand waving in front of his eyes. "Apologies. I must've dozed off."

"Again? Are you sure everything's okay, pal?" Let me take off that armor for you," Sampo said, pretending to take off Gepard's chestplate. "We gotta cool you down before you get a heat stroke. Can't have the parade's finest guard collapsing on us."

Gepard chuckled, trying to get Sampo off of him. "I'm fine! I just didn't get enough sleep, is all. Alley shade's doing enough to cool me down."

Sampo finally relented. "Okay, okay, just messing with you. Water?" He asked, holding up a cold water bottle.

Gepard was suddenly aware of the dryness in his mouth, snatching the bottle and taking a few gulps. "Thanks."

"Any time, pal."

"Guessing you didn't come all this way just to distract me, did you?"

"Of course not! I'd never get in the way of your very important work."

Gepard could only roll his eyes. "Sure."

"But seriously, I'm part of the parade. Well, not part of the parade—we don't exactly have the credits for that right now—but I am handing out water and stickers for everyone."

"You sure this isn't part of one of your schemes?"

Sampo dramatically gasped, acting betrayed. "I would never! I'm a changed man now. See? I got a cart and everything."

Gepard looked down, seeing a broken-down wooden cart held together with duct tape and a dream. "If you needed an actual cooler, you could've asked."

"Eh, bit late for that now. Besides, this thing still works like a charm!" Sampo slapped the side of the cart, only for the side he hit to fall off, causing his water bottles to roll down the alleyway.

"Need some help with that?"

"No, no, I got it!" Sampo said, quickly bending down to hastily put the cart back together and gather the rolling water bottles.

"Let me help you." Gepard bent down too, gathering as many bottles as he could before putting them in the repaired cart.

"Whew! Thanks, pal. Knew I could count on you."

Before Gepard could say anything, he noticed his face was inches from Sampo's. Those eyes, those lips, were so close once again. He could almost…

By the time he realized what was happening, their lips were already touching. Gepard quickly pulled back, looking around to see if anyone saw. This was bad. He had to run. He had to get out of here. He had to—

"Hey," Sampo said, gently turning Gepard's face towards his. "It's okay. No one saw us. You're fine."

Gepard could only stare into Sampo's eyes, steadying his breath. He was fine. Everything was okay.

"Thanks, Sampo."

"Of course, pal."

Gepard snapped out of his trance, gathering the rest of the water bottles and putting them in the cart. "There! All better. Just be careful with this thing."

Sampo stared at him for a second, seemingly forgetting what they were doing before shaking himself out of it. "Oh yeah, right. Thanks."

Was this really what Gepard wanted? Did he want to nervously tiptoe around others when he could be free to do whatever he liked? Was pleasing everyone worth it?

No. No, it wasn't.

This was his chance to get some agency in his life. He always had Sampo in his corner, backing him up. It was just like Sampo said. It's okay. He's fine.

Finally, he spoke up. "Listen, about last night…"

Sampo snapped his gaze towards Gepard. "What about it?"

"I… I've been thinking, and…I don't want that to be a one-time thing. Trying to make everyone happy is exhausting. I'm tired of hiding. I like you—I think—I don't know. Either way…I want to try it out. I can't promise anything, but I want to see where this takes us. I understand if you don't want to, but—"

Gepard was interrupted by Sampo wrapping his arms around him, his face in Gepard's neck. It was an all-encompassing, suffocating embrace that kept him on his knees.

"Can't breathe!"

"Too tight," Gepard managed to choke out, making Sampo let go and help him to his feet.

"So sorry!"

"It's fine. I just didn't expect you to be so strong, is all."

"They don't call me the muscle of the Underground for nothing!" Sampo exclaimed, flexing his bicep.

"They don't call you the muscle of the Underground."

"They totally call me the muscle of the Underground!" Gepard couldn't help but laugh at Sampo's antics, and Sampo laughed along with him.

"Seriously, though," Sampo interrupted. "I think I'll take you up on your offer."

"Really?"

"Duh. I did say that I like you. Why wouldn't I go for an offer like that?"

"Oh yeah. Right. Sorry."

Sampo kissed Gepard on the cheek. "I forgive you, love."

Gepard went flush again. "Hey! You can't just say that!"

"Why can't I, love?"

Gepard couldn't think of an answer, wallowing in his embarrassment. "Damn you…"

"Okay, okay, I'll stop. I do have to go, but before I do…" Sampo rummaged through a bag in his cart before pulling out a sticker of a flag with blue and green stripes. "Here. Let me put this on you."

Gepard relented, closing his eyes and letting Sampo put the sticker on his face. "What's this for?"

"You don't—right, you don't know about this stuff. It's the gay flag! Looks perfect on you."

"Isn't it supposed to be a rainbow?"

"I'll have to give you a crash course later. Anyway, gotta run!"

"Wait!" Gepard called out, grabbing Sampo's wrist and kissing him once more. "See you later…love."

Sampo smiled. "See ya, love."

Gepard stepped out to watch Sampo disappear into the crowd, feeling the smooth sticker on his face with his finger. He was about to rip it so no one could see, but he hesitated. Did he really want to hide after all that? No. He didn't. This was his chance to show everyone who he was. He would finally—

"What's with the sticker?"

Gepard jumped at the voice behind him. "You scared me, Dunn! What are you doing over here? I thought you had the day off."

"I'm part of the Silvermane float," he said, gesturing to the rest of the guards on top of a float moving by, all waving at him. Gepard gave a nervous wave back.

"I didn't even realize you all had one. I've been busy running security."

"I get it. But seriously, what's that flag on the sticker? I haven't seen that one before."

Gepard paused for a second, touching the sticker on his face again. Was it really okay to tell him what it was? He could always make something up about a kid sticking it on. He could always hide.

But he wouldn't.

He wouldn't hide. Not this time. This was his moment to finally be free. There was no going back after this. He took a deep breath.

"It's…the gay flag. I'm gay." Gepard braced for impact, waiting for Dunn to say something.

"Wow, you finally came out to us. Congrats!"

Gepard felt a wave of relief wash over him. "Thanks, that means a—wait, what do you mean 'finally'?"

"We could take a hint. Anyway, gotta get back to the float. Bye!" Before Gepard could protest, Dunn was already back on the float. Weirdly enough, he didn't feel embarrassed at all. He felt relieved. Everything turned out all right in the end. He'd still have to face his father, but he was ready. He had everyone in his corner.

He could finally be free.