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Language:
English
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Published:
2025-08-15
Updated:
2025-08-31
Words:
631
Chapters:
5/?
Comments:
20
Kudos:
9
Bookmarks:
1
Hits:
365

This Is A Crack Fic

,

Summary:

crack was injected into my veins and I wrote this fuckass fic

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: Crack Fic No. 1 - Intro (Aug. 14, 2025)

Chapter Text

Uzi Doorman met Tate Frost and got eaten the end :D

Chapter 2

Chapter Text

Dean and Cas made out for three whole hours, then proceeded to kick some demon ass. While this was happening, Sam and Gabriel were also making out. While this was also happening, my dads were sitting behind their devices reading this wondering what's wrong with their son.

 

THE END :D

Chapter 3

Chapter Text

The sun rose from below the horizon, the morning breeze stirred the damp leaves. Masons boots crunch through the forest as he scans between the trees, crossbow in hand. This man knows how to hunt, and what he's hunting is no ordinary prey... it's human, with wits like his, instincts like his- he much prefers human prey.

(Guys idk what this is I'm sorry I'm tired en and have only eaten ice cream and a bowl of butter noodles today)

Chapter 4: Uzi puts Rumi into a blender no clickbait

Chapter by

Notes:

Hi chat its ABSOLUTESOLVER writing this :3

 

IDK what this is but the main author is my friend and I like writing crack (as seen in my main fic and my upcoming K-Pop Demon Hunters fic) so here is Uzi Doorman blending rumi

Chapter Text

Rumi was just minding her own business in her room one day when a random portal opened up under her, sending her plummeting downwards. 

The next thing she knew, she was in a freezing cold wasteland that was barren of biological life. 

("Oh how is rumi able to survive on copper 9??? the snow is asbestos and its below freezing temps and like not livable atmosphere?/!?!/!" .... just ignore that... just like. idk. main character energy. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH also be aware its prob ooc for the writing)

"What the fu-" She started, but did not get to finish her sentence because she was knocked out from the behind.

An Unknown Amount Of Time Later

Rumi woke up strapped to a table, head throbbing, mouth tasting like blood.

She tried looking around the room for clues of where she could possibly be, but only saw weird posters for bands that don't exist. 

However, she did see a weird... robot? thing? with yellow/purple eyes? with purple hair? looked kinda gay??

"Hello bitch." The weird thing said to her.

"Hi, fag." She responded.

"So like- who- are you?" Rumi asked the purple thing. 

Music??? Started playing in the background???

"Hi I'm Uzi, Bite me Bite me." The purple thing respond

A taller, more weird version of the "Uzi" person appeared.

"I'm N, I love doing anything!!!" Nonsteroidal Anti Inflamatories (you will get the ref if you have read my main fic lol)

A female version of "N" fell on top of Rumi, exploded her, then said.

"I'm V, Nah Uzi I Trust You"

Then another female version of N appeared and said 
"I'm J, theres no escape even in death" before getting promptly shot by Uzi with a railgun, who also yelled "J ARENT YOU FUCKING DEAD HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE??"

A weird pink bitch then appeared and said "I'm Lizzy, prepare to be popular!!!"

Rumi looked at her then responded "I'm part of the most popular K-Pop band in the world."

Lizzy then responded, "wanna make out?"

Lizzy was then crushed by a robot with white eyes who then said "I'm Khan i'm a terrible dad!!"

"Okay wow nobody asked you to vent or anything" Rumi, who was still tied to the table, said.

She then saw another robot with green eyes who said, "I'm Thad, cool kids only!" before he got fucking murdered by another robot with red eyes who said 
"I'm Doll, привет,привет" before dissapearing.

 

"Oh my gods just kill me already please" Rumi said.

Uzi obliged and then threw Rumi into a massive blender, then blending her. 

 

End of story

Bye

Thanks for reading 

- ABSOLUTESOLVER

 

Chapter 5: its like hes in some kind of brightest candle burns the quickest

Chapter by

Chapter Text

Uzi: v we have candles

V: Yeah, mine is pretty bright, but it is burning quickly

Uzi: mine is pretty dim, but it is burning for a while

Uzi: hmm so its like 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓑𝓻𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽𝓮𝓼𝓽 𝓒𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓵𝓮 𝓑𝓾𝓻𝓷𝓼 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓠𝓾𝓲𝓬𝓴𝓮𝓼𝓽

V: yeah smth like that

they then made out🥰
nothing bad ever happens

Notes:

inspired by ABSOLUTESOLVER