Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Popping back into existence had been a jarring experience, to say the least.

A month ago, Christine had arrived in her bedroom, from before the circus. 

The door and window were in the same place, but the walls had been painted maroon, and the bed frame contained only a mattress with a white bedsheet. A quick look around proved that this was her apartment, but sparsely decorated, with only the basics in furniture.

A few teary-eyed phone calls later, Christine reunited with her family again. She promised she would explain everything in full detail later (at least until she could get enough information as to how and what the hell had happened), and that the important thing now was that she was safe and finally home. 

She had tried looking up a plethora of Google searches with keywords such as ‘headset circus game’, ‘digital circus headset’, ‘stuck in headset game’, to see if anything had appeared online. Every search yielded fruitless results.

As for getting back into the swing of life, she re-obtained her apartment pretty easily. Her mother had been renting it out to temporary city-goers, and using the funds to try and find her missing daughter, and all of her belongings were being kept in the attic.

The job was a little harder, given her unexplained period of unemployment. Thankfully, after a few days of no responses from employers, she’d managed to nab a 9-5 job in an office not too far away, working as a data analyst.

Surprisingly, going to work helped to ease herself into reality, and take her mind off too many damning psychological questions at once. 

But, it was still hard adjusting.

The circus had been horrible. It mentally damaged her and so many others, and for an unlucky few, ruined them forever. But that didn’t mean she didn’t have any happy memories of her time there. She missed her friends, and the real world felt so lonely without them.

She’d once had a double-take when a coworker placed a tape dispenser on their desk, the thin red tape resembling Gangle’s ribbons. On another occasion, she’d gotten excited hearing the name ‘Ragatha’, before realising she had misheard the name ‘Agatha’.

It wasn’t like she could look any of them up online, either — they had all forgotten what their real names were, adopting aliases until the day they would spontaneously remember. At least, she assumed so, because there was no way any parents were allowed to name their child ‘Zooble’.

And yet, strangely, she had a feeling that they’d all find each other again.

Chapter Text

Felix had left his apartment at three o’clock in the afternoon.

By the time he had scoured the shelves of six different thrift shops, it was half five in the afternoon.

Huffing, he stepped foot outside of the shop. His ‘shopping trip’ was a half-hearted effort to see if he could fish out anything that once belonged to him, but instead of reuniting with his dear collection of darkly-coloured hoodies and miscellaneous bric-a-brac, he had seen more porcelain figures than most grandmas could dream of.

When Felix, or ‘Jax’, had magically ‘poofed’ into the real world — he couldn’t be fucked trying to find any logic in how that worked — he was standing in the dingy, one-room apartment he had been renting before putting on that damn headset. 

He had spent what felt like hours staring at himself in a cracked bathroom mirror, his hands feeling the texture in his skin, tracing his features, wondering how the hell the black roots in his hair hadn’t totally grown over his bleached ends. Luckily, he was still as handsome as he remembered he was, but when he started to walk around, he realised that the apartment block was completely abandoned.

A sliver of a smile had appeared on his face when he opened his peeling front door, the obnoxiously loud creaking sound it made bringing him a sense of familiarity. One look to the left and right down the hall confirmed that the only inhabitants now were spiderwebs and mold. 

On the inside, there wasn’t much left of his ‘home’, if you could even call it that. A faded brown TV cabinet coated in a layer of dust. A dark wood coffee table with two legs snapped off. His admittedly well-worn black couch, that he treated like his bed, had thankfully remained. But at some point, it had been ripped at the side, with yellowed stuffing poking out of the slash. And no pillows, either.

Part of him had wondered if Pomni had ever walked into his apartment while exploring those abandoned buildings she liked so much.

Another part of him wondered (hoped) she would walk in next week.

Felix loathed to admit it, but he missed every loser in that circus.

The cold silence at night felt uncomfortable, and only reminded him of how alone he was. He missed hearing the censor beeps coming out of Zooble every time they tried to swear, Ragatha’s screaming when she found a centipede he left for her, the little jingle of Pomni’s jester hat when she walked. Hell, even Caine and his exaggerated ‘GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!’.

But for the present, it was time to find shop number seven.

Shoving his hands in his hoodie pockets, he put a little bit of extra pressure in his steps than necessary, a tame display of frustration. 

Felix had barely made it ten seconds past the store when his arm shoved into a woman much shorter than himself. On accident.

‘’Watch where you’re going, kid!’’ he called out, sounding a bit ruder than he intended.

‘’Watch your tone!’’ she shot back, her voice laced with snark.

Familiar snark.

The rest of the world seemed to slow down. 

Every screech of a car tire, every beep from a traffic light, every noise of the city was drowned out by the overwhelming beating of Felix’s heart pounding in his ears.

He felt frozen in place, his breath hitching, and turned his head to meet the eyes of the woman he had knocked into.

Tousled, dark brown hair framed her pale face, and her mouth was agape like she was having trouble breathing. 

She looked him up and down, twice, three times, as though checking he wasn’t a figment of her imagination.

‘’Jax?’’

Chapter Text

She knew it was him the second she heard him snap at her.

His expression sifted through shock, amazement and disbelief in seconds.

‘’Pom…?’’ his voice trailed off, taking slow steps towards her, before raising a shaky hand and lifting his pointer finger at her. ‘’Pomni?’’

‘’Jax,’’ she pointed back at him, a smile spreading across her face like a wildfire.

‘’But… you…’’

‘’How did you…?’’

Attempts at words were swiftly cast aside, and Jax barreled into Christine, crushing her in a giant bear hug. 

The force would’ve knocked her flat over if Jax hadn’t locked his arms around her, holding her as if someone was going to come along and snatch her away from him.

‘’Jax, we’re in the middle of the street,’’ she half-whispered, struggling to speak with the strength of his hug squeezing her lungs.

‘’Right, uh…’’

‘’My apartment is around the corner,’’ she offered. 

‘’My, aren’t you forward,’’ he said, melting back into his usual smugness. ‘’Hoping for a one-night stand, Pompom?’’

‘’My name is Christine, actually,’’ she corrected, rolling her eyes at his remark.

‘’Oh?’’ his eyebrows quirked up. ‘’You finally remembered? You’re not walking around with a ‘HELLO, MY NAME IS POMNI!’ nametag?’’ He pitched his voice higher in a weak imitation, which emitted a small laugh from her.

‘’Using that name in the circus is one thing, but in the real world I’d get some funny looks,’’ she said. ‘’Unless you think ‘Christine’ isn’t good either?’’

‘’No, no, it’s good,’’ he said. ‘’Suits you. Nice to meet you, Christine ,’’ he smirked, his signature toothy grin translated seamlessly into his human face.

‘’And what’s your name?’’ she asked, letting herself fall to his side instead of walking straight in front.

‘’Guess.’’

‘’Always a game with you,’’ she clicked her tongue in thought. ‘’Michael?’’

‘’ Michael? ’’ he sounded mock-offended. ‘’No more guesses for you. You’re going to give me tons of shitty names. I’m called Felix.’’

‘’Felix,’’ she repeated. ‘’That’s a nice name.’’

They fell into a comfortable silence, the only conversation being the chatter of passerbys. 

‘’What are the chances we run into each other on the street, huh?’’ he murmured, staring up at the sky’s blue hues shifting to a lavender dusk. ‘’I’ll save the sappy shit for later, but I’m glad I found you.’’

‘’Me too,’’ she smiled, glancing up at him. She was still marvelling at the fact that this was reality, and not some incredible fever dream. She and Jax — no, Felix — had just ran into each other in the middle of the street. Were Zooble and Gangle nearby, too? Was Ragatha waiting just around the block? Had they all found each other already, wondering where everyone else was? 

Lost in thought, she tripped over a slab of pavement that was a centimetre too high than the rest of the flat ground, and quick as lightning, Felix’s hand grabbed a hold of her wrist, and gently yanked her to her feet.

‘’Told ya to watch where you’re going,’’ he said, his grip lingering.

It really shouldn’t have, considering she was a grown ass woman, but it did fluster her a little.

She squeaked out a little ‘thanks’, and within a few more steps they had arrived at the entrance of her apartment block.

Christine fiddled with the keys in the lock, opening the door with a soft ‘click’ . 

‘’Home sweet home,’’ she flung her keys onto the side table and hung up her coat on the rack, still scented like paper and coffee from the office.

‘’Your place is nice,’’ he said, standing up far too straight than what she was used to, like someone had hammered a bunch of nails into him to pin him in place.

‘’Thank you,’’ she smiled, eyeing the way he was tensed up. ‘’Are you nervous?’’

‘’...No,’’ he muttered, his eyes darting anxiously around the room. ‘’Can I, uh… hug … you?’’ he said the word ‘hug’ with gritted teeth, avoiding looking at her.

‘’Oh, c’mere, you big baby,’’ she said fondly, reaching up on her tip-toes to hook her arms around his neck. Air huffed out of him, and she couldn’t tell if it was from a laugh, a sob, or a mixture of both, but he enveloped most of her body into a hug due to his height.

‘’I missed you,’’ he mumbled into her hair.

‘’I missed you, too,’’ she said, exhaling into his chest.

For a few moments longer, they stood in place, just holding each other, before Felix pulled back. ‘’Alright, now that we’re alone, let me get a good look at you.’’

Felix slouched over so their faces were level, and she tried to ignore her quickening heartbeat, attempting to distract herself by focusing somewhere, anywhere on his face. 

This only made her heart speed up.

He was covered in tiny little freckles, so much so you could probably map a constellation in them. His eyes were a colour somewhere between dark olive and umber, with evidence of sleepless nights shadowing his sockets. On his lower lip, two small black hoops were pierced in a snakebite style, and Christine wondered what the metal would feel like against her lips. The thought was quickly killed with multiple hypothetical chainsaws and guns.

He hummed, apparently finished with his inspection. ‘’Funny that in real life you’re still tiny,’’ he sneered playfully, an all-too familiar smirk appearing on his face.

‘’Funny that in real life you’re still a prick,’’ she shot back just as happily. ‘’I never would have penned you down as the type to not shave.’’

‘’Excuse you, Christine , my facial hair is the pinnacle of masculinity,’’ he scoffed. 

‘’Feel free to take a seat, by the way,’’ she said, walking further into her apartment.

He tagged along after her, making a beeline for her couch the second it came into his field of vision. ‘’Oh my God, this is so much softer than mine,’’ he sunk himself into the seat, sighing contently.

Christine giggled at his apparent newfound love for her couch, sitting a decent distance away from him. ‘’So, what were you doing out in town?’’ 

‘’Trying to hunt down my stuff. My place got sort of, uh, ransacked,’’ he said.

‘’Ransacked?’’ Christine’s eyes widened with concern. ‘’Is your living situation okay?’’

‘’I’ve been sleeping on my couch every night, but that’s nothing new. And the entire building is abandoned,’’ he said simply.

‘’I don’t mind if you, like, want to crash here for a while,’’ she said after a few moments, trying to shrug off how flustered she felt at the concept.

‘’Why, Pompom, this is so sudden,’’ he splayed his hands out over his heart in mock surprise. ‘’We haven’t even had our first date, and you’re already inviting me to move in?’’

‘’I can kick you out just as easily,’’ she said, shoving him gently. ‘’I’ll take you out to dinner when you’ve settled in.’’

Felix cleared his throat as though something was stuck in it, then put on a smirk and said ‘’I’ll hold you to that,’’ his face flushing. ‘’But, thanks. I’ll make it up to you.’’

The room went quiet. Daring to steal a quick glance, she found him staring at her, an oddly serious expression on his face.

‘’Something on my face?’’ she asked, a tiny blush appearing on her cheeks.

‘’No, just…’’ Felix sighed, lowering his gaze. ‘’It’s hard to believe that you’re really here — that I’m really here. Sometimes, I…’’ 

His hands started to tremble, and he took a sharp inhale to collect himself. ‘’Sometimes, I feel like this isn’t real. That I’m dreaming, and when I go to sleep I’ll wake up back in the circus.’’

‘’Felix, I promise you, I’m real,’’ Christine said, her voice softening. ‘’The circus is over now. Everyone escaped, including you, and we’re never going back again.’’

‘’Yeah, you’re right. Sorry,’’ he breathed. ‘’Uh, touching things helps when I get like this. Is it alright if I…?’’

‘’Go ahead,’’ she said, her lips pursing into a little smile.

He mouthed a ‘thank you’, his voice failing to crawl out of his throat. Felix tentatively hovered his hand over her skin, before his thumb gently glided over her cheek, then below her lower lip.

‘’You’re real,’’ his voice was scarcely more than a whisper, reaching up his other hand.

‘’Mhm,’’ she hummed, cupping his own face in her hands. ‘’And so are you.’’ 

Felix shuddered a little at her touch, and she began to draw her hands away before he placed his own hands on hers and returned them to his face.

‘’You were just a little cold,’’ he muttered. ‘’Sorry, I brought the mood down there a bit, didn’t I?’’ 

He plastered a smile on his face, all traces of his sensitivity completely vanishing.

It was amazing how Felix could just instantly turn a switch back into a teasing jokester, no matter how vulnerable he had just been. It was almost sweet how shy he was about it, but she’d never say that to his face, lest she wished to be launched out the window.

Before she could even reply, he said ‘’Hey, c’mere,’’ patting the space in front of him.

‘’Why?’’ she tilted her head, deciding not to push him to open up more. She’d coaxed enough out of him for tonight.

‘’Don’t you trust me, Pompom?’’ he grinned. ‘’I just wanna see something.’’

‘’I’m never living down that nickname, am I?’’ she sighed, shuffling over to settle between Felix’s legs. 

She felt an arm, and then another, wrap around her, then a hand clinging onto her shoulder.

‘’Yep. Still fits,’’ said Felix, resting his chin on top of her head.

‘’Not as drastic of a height difference anymore, though,’’ she commented, easily reaching up and ruffling his hair.

‘’I think I forgot what human contact felt like,’’ he sighed, leaning back onto the couch until they were in a spoon-like position. ‘’This okay?’’

‘’Uh-huh,’’ she said, taking one of his hands and drawing circles in his palm. ‘’This okay?’’

‘’Uh-huh,’’ he murmured, pressing his face into her hair.

People who were ‘just friends’ probably didn’t do this. But for now, it didn’t really matter. It felt natural, normal — and after God knows how long of living in pixels and plastic textures, it was blissful to be able to feel. 

Thousands of little details were lost in the digital world. Now, she could study every line etched into his palm, every small, imperfect bump on his skin, the way his hand quivered ever so slightly instead of being perfectly exact in place.

It was the most clich é thing she’s ever done, but she placed her hand over his own to compare sizes. The tips of her fingers reached up to just over halfway of his own. He had very wide palms, and to touch, he felt rough and leathery.

‘’Impressed at my size?’’ 

‘’Don’t word it like that,’’ she scolded, lacing their fingers together.

‘’I have no idea what you’re talking about,’’ he gave her hand a light squeeze, which was quickly reciprocated.

‘’D’you mind if I fall asleep here?’’ he spoke quietly, his voice worn with tiredness.

‘’You don’t wanna go and pick up your stuff first?’’

‘’Tomorrow,’’ he yawned. ‘’You’re too comfy.’’

‘’Alright,’’ she smiled, feeling the weight of sleep draping her eyelids. ‘’Tomorrow.’’