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I stared back into my reflection in the mirror as I rinsed the final smudges of dried blood off my hands. Today's hunt had been typical. We located a vampire nest north of Philadelphia, and Cas, Sammy, and I took them all out, saving an innocent man in the process. This was why I loved the job; the rush of adrenaline in my veins as I wielded a machete, the roar of the monster we had been hunting on that particular day, and the cries of relief from the victim we had saved in the process will have me never wanting to retire.
I blushed, replaying the moment Cas smiled at me after I'd beheaded that last vamp. A look full of affection, perhaps even longing? Dean could only hope. After ten years of desperately pining for Cas, he’d come to accept that they would never become more than best friends, and Dean was okay with that. As long as Cas was close to him, in his life, and safe, Dean was grateful.
I hear a brush of wings behind me and a breeze waft against my freshly washed hands. I jump nervously, turning around and being met with the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen. The eyes I fell in love with, the moment I saw them ten years ago. “Geez Cas, warn a guy next time!” I say, my heart pounding at his sudden arrival.
“I am sorry to frighten you Dean. I heard you praying for me. I came to make sure you were okay.” Dean blushed darkly; he had forgotten that Cas could hear his prayers. Maybe his thoughts of longing for his friend fell into the “prayer” category.
“Oh…” Dean said, worrying his lip nervously between his teeth, “I didn’t mean to call you here, I’m sorry.”
“I will go” Cas said, but before he could fly away, Dean grabbed his wrist, a desperate look clouding over his eyes.
“Stay.” Dean said shakily, drowning in the blue of Cas’ eyes. Cas tilted his head to one side like a confused puppy. Something he’d always done that made Dean’s heart swell with affection.
“Is everything okay, Dean?” Cas asked, his eyebrows knit together.
Dean wrung his hands together as his stomach roared with nerves. “Cas… I wanted to tell you something.” Cas tilts his head again making Dean blush even further.
“You can tell me anything Dean, I will always be here for you.” The butterflies in Dean's stomach roared at that statement. Cas frowned, “I can hear your heart beating rapidly, are you sick?” Cas said worriedly reaching his hand up to press the pulse point on the side of Dean's neck. Dean meant to push Cas’ hand away, but found himself melting into his touch instead.
Dean gently grasped Cas’s hand in his and walked them both over to his cot in the bunker. “I’ve been meaning to tell you this. It’s been ten years and I’m so sorry it’s taken me this long to say it, but…” Dean's words came out breathlessly and he felt sick to his stomach with nerves.
Cas noticed how scared Dean seemed to be and grasped both of Dean's hands holding them in their laps. Dean blushed again, his eyes blinking rapidly. He had to say it now or else he would never get to say it at all.
“Cas, I… you’re my best friend…” Dean said, earning a nod from the other man. “You’ve meant so much to me for so long and you’ve…changed me…in all of the best ways. The lamp next to Dean's bed flickered suddenly. “God, you’re so beautiful…” Dean muttered under his breath looking away and nervously chuckling. The ceiling light flickered now, but only briefly.
Cas softly cupped the side of Dean's face in his hand and gently directed Dean's gaze back to his. Dean gasped into the touch, immediately melting into it, eyelids growing heavy. “You can tell me anything Dean,” Cas whispered, his pupils expanding as their eyes connected once more.
Dean tried again. “Cas… I need you.” Dean exhaled shakily, “I need you. You make me feel a way that no one else has ever made me feel. You’re my first thought every morning and my last thought before I fall asleep at night. You’re courageous and kind. Braver than anyone I’ve ever met other than Sammy,” he chuckled. You make me weak in the knees whenever I feel you touch my skin. And my stomach flips every time I see you smile. Cas’ eyes widened in realization. His mouth opened in a small “O” shape that would normally make Dean chuckle, but right now it only made not kissing Cas harder than anything in his life. “Cas…I’ve loved you more than anything. More than anyone and anything I’ve ever experienced in my entire life.” “...Cas, ...you’re it for me.” Dean said shakily. “I love you,” he said tearfully, voice cracking at the end.
Cas’ face was a beautiful shade of pink now and those gorgeous blue eyes of his were half lidded. His hand had never once left Dean’s cheek throughout his entire confession. “Dean…I…” he said shakily, eyes moving frantically between Dean’s eyes and then down at his lips. Dean sat there nervously, his thumb brushing over the skin of Cas’ other hand.
Then all of a sudden Cas’ lips were on his and oh my god nothing has ever felt so good. The angel's full lips against his felt heavenly and he moaned into Cas’ mouth without meaning to. The sound of shattering glass filled the room as the lightbulb in Dean's lamp exploded. He jumped back at the sudden sound, but upon realization he smiled giddily. “I haven’t seen you lose control like that in a long time.” Cas only sat there panting for a moment, his hands still cupping Dean's face and then they were kissing again and Dean was pressed flat against the mattress. Dean moaned again, fisting the back of Cas’ coat. The sound of breaking glass came from somewhere down the hallway and then Dean's hands were moving up, pushing Cas’s coat off his shoulders. Cas helped him, shrugging it off quickly and then they were against each other again and oh Dean has never felt anything this good. He was a monster, arching beneath Cas, moaning breathlessly into his ears. His hands were woven in Cas’ hair when suddenly Cas pulled away and Dean’s eyes widened in worry.
“I love you too Dean.” Cas said desperately. He panted heavily, cheeks painted a pretty shade of pink, “ I love you so much- God, I don’t think there was ever a world where I didn’t love you. As an angel of the Lord I was created without the ability to love, but the moment I pulled you from hell ten years ago I was filled with a love I knew I could never erase. I need you too Dean. You’re it for me too” he exhaled sharply.
Dean’s watery eyes shone up at Cas and he smiled feeling butterflies roar within his stomach, “I love you so much” he choked out. Cas’ lips were on his again and Dean’s hands were in his hair. He took a moment to realize just how soft Cas’ hair was as he wove his fingers through it. Dean felt Cas moan softly into his mouth, making him shudder, goosebumps arising all over his body. They were intertwined, pressed so tightly against each other. Dean pulled away and pressed his lips to Cas’ neck, and Cas felt Dean sucking his skin, marking him. Tears welled up in his eyes. Dean wanted Cas to be his. Suddenly the ceiling light exploded, and they were both enveloped in darkness. Dean smiled against Cas’ neck and moved to the shell of his ear, “I love how flustered I make you” he said breathlessly, but nonetheless grinning from ear to ear. Cas whined at his words, one of his arms wrapping around Dean's torso and the other reaching up to lovingly cup his face. Even in the dark, Dean could see Cas’ pupils blown wide against his blue irises.
And I’d give up forever to touch you
Dean leaned up, pulling Cas down in another earth shattering kiss.
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow.
Cas’ hands were in Dean's hair, his mouth nibbling and suckling on his bottom lip.
You’re the closest to heaven that i’ll ever be
Whispered “I love you’s ” were spoken between kisses, and shaky hands worshipped each other in ways that even the heavens wouldn’t understand.
And I don't want to go home right now.
It was then, that in Dean’s foggy mind, he realized that he had finally been given what he had wanted the very most in all of his time in being alive.