Chapter Text
On Friday morning, Ted parks outside CCRP and takes a minute to just breathe. Drumming his fingers on the wheel, he says under his breath, “It’s gonna be fine. Just get through the day and everything will be fine.”
For once, as he glances at his reflection in the mirror, he thinks he might actually believe that. He fixes his tie and brushes that annoying strand of hair from his face, then he gets out of the car, locking it on his way to the office.
Work is work, and after three days of overtime, it’s honestly starting to get a little draining. But Ted manages, at least until he’s snapped out of focus by a knock on the desk. Already knowing what’s coming, he looks over at Paul. “Oh, you’re kidding-“
Paul holds up a sheet of paper with an apologetic smile. “In your defense, it’s only the second time this week.”
Ted still groans anyway, taking the paper. “Am I really so screwed up that I can’t remember to use my own printer?”
“You’re not screwed up, Ted. We’ve talked about this.”
“I know, I know.”
As Ted leaves the paper with all the others and runs a hand over his hair, Paul asks, “I’m guessing you’re excited that it’s payday?”
“Understatement of the fuckin’ year. I could hardly make it through breakfast, and I’m pretty sure Pete thinks I’m high.”
Paul laughs, and Ted lets himself muster a brief smile, even as he ignores the usual flutter in his chest. He says, “I just hope Davidson cuts me some slack. I’m still sort of surprised he even considered giving me a raise.”
“Ah, you know, he’s a little stingy, but he’s an okay guy. You just have to earn your keep - and obviously it’s his decision, but I’d say you’ve done more than enough.”
“You’re just trying to make me feel better.”
“Is it working?”
“Well, yeah, but-“
This time, they both laugh, which somehow makes Ted’s heart beat even faster. Waving it off, he says, “Go sit down before the boss gets here.”
“Good call,” Paul says, but even as he walks away, he calls out, “Want me to grab something from Beanie’s later?”
“Knock yourself out!”
It’s not long after that Ted gets his reports done, and he has to psych himself up for it, but he does bring them to Mr. Davidson’s office. All he has to do is look at Melissa before she nods and waves him inside, so maybe she’s smarter than he gave her credit for. She doesn’t have a death wish, at least.
“Ah, Ted!” Mr. Davidson says, hanging up his phone. “Don’t mind me, just talking to the missus. You’ve certainly kept up a pattern this week!”
Ted musters another smile as he drops his reports in the bin on the desk. “Yeah, well, I’d like to say it was on purpose, but-“
“I’m still impressed with your performance. Something tells me you’ll be a very happy man by the end of the day.”
It takes just about everything Ted has to keep his shit together, but he just nods. “See you then, I guess.”
“M-hm. Out you go.”
So Ted leaves, going back to his desk and getting in the usual post-work routine of playing that one game on his phone. He’s a little sloppy since it’s kind of hard to focus, but he makes it through more levels than he really would have expected. Maybe it’s just that he needs something to do with his twitchy hands.
Another knock on the desk gets his attention, and he pauses the game and looks up at Paul holding a to-go cup from Beanie’s. “You didn’t really have to get it-“
Paul sets the drink firmly on the desk. “No take-backs.”
Ted chuckles, raising his free hand in surrender. “Alright, don’t go raising your voice at me.”
He grabs the drink, but somehow, the sound the cup makes as it moves seems off, making him blink. “Oh, what the hell-?”
He puts his phone in his lap to feel the bottom of the cup, grabbing what turns out to be a sticky-note. On it there’s a message in familiar handwriting: good luck! (:.
“Paul,” Ted says, looking back at Paul. “Are we really doing this? We’re not 14.”
“It’s a big day. You can’t pretend you don’t need the pick-me-up.”
“Sure, but you couldn’t just say it?”
Paul looks at the note in a way that’s obviously exaggerated, then he shrugs. “How else would you have seen the smile?”
Ted blinks again, struggling for words. “You - What-“
He finally just shakes his head and points. “Get the fuck away from my desk.”
Paul smiles innocently and turns to leave. Ted calls after him, “See, what was the point of the note?”
“It got your attention!”
“You are so fucking weird, I swear to God-“
Paul laughs, and Ted shakes his head again, taking a sip of his drink. He looks at the sticky-note still in his other hand, considering for a few seconds before he sticks it to the top corner of his computer. “Might as well keep it ‘til it falls off. I’d just feel bad for throwing it out.”
He kicks back his chair just enough to see Paul sit down at his own desk at the other end of the room. He waves, and Ted scoffs, rolling his chair back into position. “Bet he was counting on that.”
As he picks up his phone again, he glances back at the sticky-note, and he can’t help the warm feeling it puts in his chest. He ignores how hot his face is starting to get and goes back to the game, telling himself it’s just his imagination.
After that, the end of the day comes a lot quicker than usual - probably since Ted’s still so hyped up. Mr. Davidson appears in the middle of the bullpen and claps to get everybody’s attention. “Eyes on me, gang! Now, we all know what day it is, so I’ll just get to the point. Melissa here will be helping me hand out your checks - you know how this goes, wait your turn and try not to get too antsy.”
“Easier said than done,” Ted mutters, finishing the next level of his game. He manages to get in a few more, then he almost jumps at the sound of a whistle from Mr. Davidson. “Moment of truth, here, Ted!”
Pausing the game, Ted looks over to see him waving the check in his hand. He swallows in a way that he hopes isn’t obvious and agrees, “Guess so.”
Mr. Davidson flashes his best corporate smile - which isn’t necessarily a good sign - and slides the check across the desk. “Enjoy your weekend. You’ve earned it.”
“Thanks, boss…”
Ted watches Mr. Davidson leave, then he just stares at the check for a good few seconds. He takes a deep breath, letting it out before he grabs the check and flips it over.
The number seems promising, but just to be safe, he quickly opens the banking app to check his balance again. The raise should be just enough of a difference to get him out of the red zone, and realizing that, he slumps down in his chair with relief. “Oh, thank fucking God.”
He runs a hand over his hair, letting out another deep breath. Yeah, he still has to cash in at the bank, but for the first time in what feels like forever, he isn’t almost sick with anxiety anymore.
Kicking his chair back just enough to see, he watches as Paul takes his own check from Melissa. They lock eyes, and when Paul tilts his head, Ted gives him a thumbs up. Paul lights up like a fucking Christmas tree, and Ted can’t help but smile back, even as his heart pounds in his ears - this time, he for sure can’t blame it on stress.
Rolling his chair into place again, he picks up the check, turning it this way and that before putting it down. He compares the number to his bank balance a few more times just to be sure he’s not seeing things, and he isn’t, so that’s good - amazing, even.
Except, especially since the dance is coming up, that leaves him with his other problem to focus on…
///
On Saturday night, Ted paces in a small circle through the living room, checking his watch for probably the fifth time. Adjusting the collar of his suit, he leans over to call up the stairs, “Pete!”
“I’m coming!”
Hitting his thighs, Ted goes back to pacing. He completes another circle before rapid footsteps come down the stairs, and he turns to throw out his arms. “Took ya long enough! What, you couldn’t find a matching bow-tie?”
Pete rolls his eyes, smoothing out his vest and fixing his bow-tie. “Shut up, Ted.”
“Oh, yeah, sure. You look like you belong in one of those themed calendars, but it’s a big night. I’ll let you have your moment.”
“For now.”
Ted points, reaching into his pocket. “See, you’re catching on.”
While Pete scoffs, he takes out his keys, tossing them in his hand. “Ready to head out, Casanova?”
“I hate you.”
“Keep tellin’ yourself that. Come on, let’s see if we can beat most of the traffic.”
They do end up getting in a jam, but it’s only for a minute, nothing like the shitshow that was Tuesday morning. Ted’s luck might just be improving since he cashed in that check, but he’s trying not to get his hopes up. It never ends well when he does.
When they get to the school, pretty much as soon as they’re out of the car, Stephanie appears. “There you guys are! Aw, Pete, that outfit is so you.”
“Thanks, Steph,” Pete says, even as he’s turning redder than his bow-tie. He nods towards Stephanie - ironically enough, her dress also happens to be red. “You look…wow.”
Holding up his phone, Ted asks, “Can I film this?”
“Absolutely not.”
Stephanie laughs and throws up a hand in a wave. “Hi, Ted.”
“Heya, Stephanie. You find any of the others yet?”
“No, but I’m sure they’re around. Probably inside already.”
“Then let’s see if I can remember where the gym is. But first, say ‘cheese’!”
“What-?”
The shutter of Ted’s phone camera cuts Pete off. Ted looks at the photo he snapped and almost doubles over; Stephanie somehow managed to throw up a peace sign, while Pete looks hilariously confused. Lightly hitting the roof of the car, he says, “Oh, that’s going in the ‘blackmail’ folder.”
While he saves the photo, Pete puts his hands on his head. He asks Stephanie, “Do you see what I have to put up with?”
“I don’t get how you two are related.”
“Well,” Ted says, putting his phone away. “I got all the charm and good looks in the family, so-“
He laughs again as Pete throws his hands in the air. “I give up!”
“Aw, Pete, I’m just getting started! Told ya you would regret making me a chaperone.”
“I hate to break this up,” Stephanie chimes back in. “But can we actually go before they send a search party?”
“Right.” Ted claps his together and starts walking, waving the kids along. “Follow the leader, ducklings!”
It’s easy enough to just follow the crowd, or whatever’s left of it, until they reach the gym. As they all look around at the balloons and the colorful lights - much better than what should really come from a high school budget - Ted whistles and says, “They rolled out the red carpet for you kids. We were never that lucky at my prom.”
Adjusting his glasses, Pete mutters, “When was that, the ‘60s?”
“I’m 35, and you know that, so fuck you, too, you little shit.”
Stephanie laughs as she gets between them. “Girls, girls, you’re both pretty. Now how do we find the others?”
Ted puts out a hand. “I’ll handle it.”
He clears his throat and cups that hand around his mouth to shout over the music, “What’s playing at the Roxy?”
The response from somewhere across the room is almost instant; “A picture about a Minnesota man so in love with a Mississippi girl that he sacrifices everything and moves all the way to Biloxi!”
“…What the hell?” Pete asks. “Was that Ruth?”
“Yep,” Ted says. He claps his hands together and points them in that direction. “This way.”
Sure enough, they find the other three kids gathered around one of the tables. Ruth jumps up from her chair and says, “You remembered the signal!”
“‘Course I did!” Ted waves it off. “Makes things so much easier.”
Perching on the edge of the table, Stephanie asks, “So that was from a musical, then?”
“Uh, duh!” Ruth says. “It’s Guys and Dolls from, well, Guys and Dolls.”
Ted points as he adds, “A classic.”
“Hell yeah it is!”
Pete gives Ted that look like he thinks he’s high again. “When did you see Guys and Dolls?”
“You can do a lot of things online these days. Doesn’t hold a candle to the real shows, but tickets are fuckin’ expensive.”
Sitting all proper like usual - somehow, in that frilly dress - Grace says, “You don’t seem like you would be interested in that. No offense, of course.”
“None taken.” Ted waves it off again. “Trust me, you’re not the first to say it. I’ll admit it took some time to get here, but art is art and, you know, more people should appreciate that.”
Ruth adds, “Ted’s coming to see The Barbecue Monologues once we put on our first show!”
Ted snaps his fingers and points to her. “You and me, kid. Up top;”
Ruth jumps up so they can high-five, giggling behind her hands. Meanwhile, Richie says, nursing a cup of punch, “Uncle Paul hates musicals.”
“Oh, I know,” Ted says. “He’s not subtle about it. Our coworker invited him to see Mamma Mia and Paul shut him down hard, it was fucking hilarious - but where is he, anyway?”
“Here.”
Ted jolts, catching himself on one of the chairs. He gestures frantically at Paul, standing there with two more cups of punch. “Did I not say to walk louder?!”
“I don’t think you would have heard over the…everything.”
“You could still do it! Humor me, man! Jesus…”
While Ted recovers, he just barely manages to catch Richie’s nod. “Mom says he’s always been too quiet.”
Paul shrugs, handing Ruth one of the cups he brought. “I don’t like drawing attention.”
“Bullshit!” Ted hits the back of the chair he’s still leaning on. “You want me to tell them about your little stunt yesterday?”
“That’s different. You needed a distraction. And drawing your attention isn’t as bad of an idea as it used to be.”
“Always with the backhanded compliments-“
“I like to think it’s more genuine than a normal compliment. At least you know there’s some truth to it.”
“Yeah, I can be a dick sometimes.” Ted gestures to himself and throws up some jazz-hands. “What a shocking piece of news.”
Paul tips his head in another shrug, and Ted shoots him a glare even though it’s obvious they’re both trying not to smile. That’s when Stephanie asks, “Are you guys fighting or flirting?”
Ted braces himself on the chair again, waiting for the fire suddenly under his skin to burn itself out. He pulls that ‘get your shit together’ stare at the floor for a hot second and looks up to say, surprisingly casual, “Well, you know, it depends who you ask. Some people would call that foreplay-“
“Gross. Pete, you wanna dance?”
“If it means getting out of that conversation, sure,” Pete says. He takes Stephanie’s hand, and off they go to the dance-floor.
Ruth abandons her punch to follow them. “Wait for me!”
Richie knocks back the rest of his own punch, putting the cup down and looking at Paul. “Uncle Paul-“
“Do you have your inhaler?”
“Yeah! I’m not stupid!”
“Then you can go. But I’ll be watching.”
Richie makes one of his weird gestures and jumps up to run off, which just leaves Grace. Standing, she gingerly takes that other cup from Paul’s hand. “Thank you. I’ll make sure nobody gets hurt.”
As she vanishes into the crowd, Ted mutters, “I swear that kid is possessed.”
Clapping the back of that chair again, he looks at Paul, quickly putting Stephanie’s question out of his mind so they can actually lock eyes. “Then there were two.”
“Yeah. Are we the only chaperones that aren’t teachers?”
“Looks like it. But I doubt anyone was really jumping to take the position.”
“Guess not.”
After a second that feels a little too long, they both sit down, turning their chairs to face the dance-floor. The kids are rocking out to whatever song just started playing, and Pete’s even playing air-guitar - which is definitely going in the ‘blackmail’ folder, so Ted gets out his phone for another picture.
“Ah, he never learns,” He says, saving the photo. “Big brother is always watching.”
Paul asks, “Are you comparing yourself to the government?”
“Are you younger than your sister?”
“Yeah.”
“Then you wouldn’t get it. Us older siblings have made messing with you guys an art.”
“Well, Shannon did dye my hair green when we were kids.”
“You’re kidding. What was it, the old ‘switch out the shampoo bottle’ trick?”
“As far as I know.”
“Give her a high-five next time you see her for me. That’s always great.”
As Ted puts his phone away, Paul says, “You really can be a dick sometimes.”
Ted chuckles, leaning back in his chair. “I’m glad my hard work is getting recognition.”
“See, that’s what I don’t understand. Why would you put effort into that sort of thing?”
“Paul, we work in tech support. There’s only so much thrill to life these days, and sometimes you just gotta feel something.”
“Even at the cost of people liking you?”
“Harsh, but fair. Still, you got wise to the fact I’m just screwing around, and you’re still here. I like to think that means something.”
“Yeah,” Paul says, and there’s just a hint of that softness to his voice. “Maybe.”
Ted looks at him, but he’s already back to watching the dance-floor, so Ted does the same. Most of the kids are out of sight now; he can see Grace talking to a boy and Ruth still dancing, but that’s it.
Ah, well. So long as nobody’s dead, it’s probably nothing to worry about.
“Hey, question,” Ted says, looking at Paul again. “Did you ever go to prom?”
“Oh, no.” Paul laughs a little under his breath, shaking his head. “No. Shannon still hasn’t let me live it down, but 18-year old me would’ve rather died, and my views haven’t changed that much.”
“I get it. I’m a little surprised you can stand being here now, but I guess you are doing it for Richie - wherever the hell he is.” Ted glances around and shakes his head, turning back to Paul. “What school did you go to? Sycamore?”
“What gave me away?”
“Eh, I don’t know, everybody who went here sort of carries it with them. I haven’t met a lot of Sycamore alumni, but you guys have more of a ‘I hate myself and I’m making it everyone’s problem’ kind of thing going.”
Paul laughs, putting a hand on his head. “Good to know that’s how I come across to you.”
“That’s not what I - No, wait, shit, that’s exactly what I said.”
They both laugh now, and Ted quickly gestures for them to move on. “Change the subject before I shoot myself in the foot again.”
“Okay, how was prom back when you went here?”
“Decent. I don’t remember much - just that it happened, and that’s kind of it.”
“Really?”
“There’s a good decade of my life that I just ignore. It’s better for all of us.”
Paul tilts his head and says, “There’s still so much to learn about you.”
Ted flashes a crooked smile, tipping his own head in a shrug. “I did say a little mystery keeps things interesting.”
“And is that part of your thrill game?”
“Only if you care enough about the answers to play along. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“Ooh, such brave words from a Timberwolf. Now isn’t that ironic?”
It’s another beat where they both laugh a little, and Paul asks, “Would you consider yourself a Nighthawk, then, if we’re doing this?”
“Not in a million years. But I can be whatever so long as you ask nicely.”
They share a smile, and it’s like they have another conversation without any words. Ted isn’t sure what to get from it, but just as he turns his attention back to the dance-floor, Paul says, “Hey, Ted.”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think it really comes across like we’re flirting?”
Ted stares hard into the distance for only a second, then he shrugs, trying to ignore how much his ears burn. “I don’t know, Paul. The kids are kids. They see everything like that.”
“Yeah…”
It’s quiet after that, and they don’t look at each other again. Paul says, “I’m gonna go find Richie.”
“Good luck.”
Paul gets up, and Ted watches him leave the table. Once he’s sure Paul is out of earshot, he sighs, putting a hand on his head.
“Oh, you’ve got it bad.”
Ted jolts - again - and looks over at Stephanie, perched on the next table over nursing a cup of punch. “How long have you been there?”
“Long enough. Pete’s in the bathroom and my feet are sore, so…”
“Great. Then you’re welcome to psycho-analyze me all you want.”
“Oh, don’t be like that. I thought we were cool.”
“We are, Stephanie, it’s just…” Ted gestures vaguely. “You don’t get it.”
“What don’t I get? It’s pretty obvious you have the hots for Paul.”
“Jesus Christ, don’t say it like that-“
“I’m not hearing a denial.”
Ted sighs again, pinching his temple. “I’m too sober for this shit. Look,”
He turns in his seat to face Stephanie, hitting his thighs and throwing his hands up. “Maybe you’re right. I don’t know. It’s been a long week and I’m just starting to process most of it.”
“So then what’s the problem?”
“Me! I am!” Ted gestures to himself. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m a huge fucking mess, kid. I’ve been a not-so-proud bachelor for a good decade plus, and, well, let’s just say there’s more than a couple reasons why.”
His voice breaks just a little on that last word, and he clenches his jaw, but he doesn’t look away - instead, he watches as Stephanie studies his face and seems to realize the implications. She says, “Oh, shit. Ted-“
“Did you hear me say there’s a part of my life that I just ignore? Need me to spell it out for you?”
“No - No.”
It’s quiet again, until Stephanie says, “I’m sorry for opening old wounds, or…whatever.”
At the end of the day, she really is just a kid, so Ted waves it off. “Not your fault. Honestly, I really could use some idea of where the hell to go from here, ‘cause I got nothing.”
“Well, I mean, it’s not like those feelings are going away.”
“Yeah, if only it was that simple.”
“Yeah. But that just means your only option is to embrace them.”
Ted props an arm on the back of the chair, because he obviously has to settle in for this conversation. “You think I should tell Paul.”
Stephanie nods, drumming her fingers on her cup of punch. “I understand that you’re scared-“
“I’m fuckin’ terrified, kid. Let’s get our facts straight.”
“Right. But the fact is, he deserves to know. And maybe you deserve another shot at…being with someone. Being happy with someone.”
God, if that isn’t tempting - but Ted has seen too much, and he knows too well, it’s never that simple. He says, “That’s a risk I just don’t think I can take.”
“Life is all about risks. What’s the point in playing it safe? Even if it’s comfortable, that isn’t always permanent.”
Surprisingly sage advice from an 18-year old. But before Ted can point that out, Stephanie says, “Besides, if you’re worried about being rejected, you don’t have to be. He’s totally into you, too.”
Now, Ted could argue that…except he really fucking can’t. The last person who defended him as hard as Paul does, the last one who screwed with his head as much as Paul does, that was…well.
Still, he says, “That doesn’t necessarily mean anything.”
“No,” Stephanie agrees. “Maybe it doesn’t. But you’ll never know for sure if you don’t try.”
That’s when Pete calls out from somewhere across the room, and she says, “Ah, that’s my cue.”
Hopping up from the table, she calls back over her shoulder as she walks away, “At least think about it!”
Ted watches her go, then he starts staring at a random point on the floor again.
Stephanie made a good point - a few of them, actually. He’ll give her that. And he’s not an idiot, he understands that hiding this will only hurt him more in the long run.
Does he really have it in him, though?
Footsteps grab his attention, and he looks over to see Paul coming back. Sitting up a little more. Ted says, “Hey, did you find Richie?”
“Yeah, he was with some of the football team. They’ve got a lot of love for the mascot, I guess.”
“Good for the kid.”
“Yeah.”
They look at each other for a good few seconds, and Paul tilts his head slightly. “Are you okay, Ted? And please don’t lie to me-“
“I won’t.” Ted raises his hands in surrender. “Scout’s honor.”
“Well?”
Ted lets his hands fall on his legs, pressing his thumbs into his kneecaps. He presses his lips together and somehow finds it in him to say, “…I’m not exactly doing great.”
He watches the concern practically bloom on Paul’s face. “What happened?”
“That’s…complicated. Look, can we talk - outside, preferably?”
Paul glances around, counting on his fingers, then when he gets to five, he says, “Yeah, of course. The kids should be fine - I hope.”
Ted scoffs out a laugh, even if it sounds a little weak. Standing, he leads the way to the nearest exit, and they step out into the hall.
As the doors shut behind them, Paul asks, “What are we talking about?”
Ted looks both ways to make sure nobody’s coming, and they aren’t, but he still moves them a little further from the doors just in case. Shoving his twitchy hands in his pockets, he says, “You do actually want to know more about me, right?”
“As much as you’re willing to share, I guess…This sounds bad.”
“It’s not - Well…Semantics.” With his hands occupied, Ted uses his head to wave it off. “Just - give me a second.”
He paces back and forth for a few steps, then he stops again and sighs. “Okay. Wait-“
He takes his hands out of his pockets, shaking them a little and clapping them together. “Okay. I’m good.”
“…Ted, what the fuck?”
“You think I don’t know how batshit I must look? Bear with me, I haven’t done this in, I don’t know, fifteen years.”
“What is it that you’re doing, exactly?”
“I’m getting to that! Shut up!”
Paul takes a tiny step back and raises his hands. “Shutting up.”
Ted gives him a thumbs up before pinching his temple. He wills whatever god might be listening not to give him a migraine right now and looks up. “Paul-…”
The words die in his throat, and he clenches his jaw again, staring at a random point over Paul’s shoulder. Nothing good ever lasts for him, does it? He finally builds up his nerve and then he still can’t fucking talk?
“Ted-“
The light thunk of Ted’s fist against the wall cuts Paul off. Desperate times call for desperate measures. “Fuck it.”
He grabs the collar of Paul’s suit-jacket, pulling him in for a kiss. It’s only a few seconds, and no doubt his form could be way better, but hopefully it gets the point across.
They stumble away from each other once it’s over; Ted presses himself back against the wall, trying to look casual and probably failing when it feels like his nerve endings are on fire. Meanwhile, Paul awkwardly fixes his collar, his face almost a neon sort of red.
“Okay,” he says, toying with his fingers before throwing up his hands. “Okay.”
With his hands still hovering, he looks in both directions. “Okay. Okay.”
He hits his thighs and holds his fist in his other hand, which maybe isn’t the best sign, but he’s quiet now, so Ted chances it and says, “Paul-“
“Are we really doing this?”
“Yeah, we’re doing this. Are you okay, though? Do you need to sit down or something?”
“I’m just processing. You could’ve at least warned me-“
“Did you somehow not notice that I couldn’t talk for a good minute there? You want me to use sign language?”
“Well, you can obviously talk now, so talk. Please.”
“Okay.” Ted nods half to himself and straightens up. Bracing a hand on the wall so he hopefully stays grounded this time, he says, “It’s been…a hell of a fucking week for me, you know? But through pretty much everything, you were there, even when I didn’t want you to be. That means more than I think either of us could ever understand.”
He gestures vaguely. “And I don’t want this to seem like I’m just, I don’t know, latching on because I need it, or I have to in order to make this fair, or something. It’s bigger than that. This has only happened to me once, so maybe I’m wrong - go ahead and tell me if I’m wrong, seriously, I’ll take it - but, Paul…”
He’s sort of been looking all over the place just because he’s that antsy, but just for this, he makes sure they lock eyes. His voice is quiet even to his own ears, which are still burning as he says, “I think I’m falling in love with you.”
“Ted…”
Ted just nods, because that’s about all he’s got left in him. He drums his fingers anxiously on his hip and waits for Paul to find the words; when he does, they’re quiet, too, like a secret. “I don’t want you to be wrong.”
Ted lets himself perk up just a little, still cautious. “Does that mean-…?”
“Well, like you said, it’s been a hell of a fucking week.”
Ted laughs, brighter and clearer than he has in days, maybe even longer. Paul does try covering his mouth, but he breaks, too, and then they’re two adults just laughing in the middle of a high school hallway like a couple of nutjobs. That doesn’t matter, though; it’s comfortable, and warm, and Ted can finally admit that he’ll never get tired of seeing Paul smile.
When they get themselves under control, Ted springs up from where he dropped his head in the crook of his arm, throwing out his free hand. “Great! Perfect! God, you have no idea how happy that makes me.”
Paul beams back at him, his face still just a little pink. “It’s good to see you like this, Ted.”
“The kids are definitely gonna think I’m high now, maybe even both of us.”
They laugh again, and Paul waves it off. “Ah, we can live with that.”
“Yeah, you know, I’ve always hated this question, but what are we? I mean, maybe it’s too soon to ask, but-“
“How about we just be us for now, and we can get back to it another time?”
“Good call. I like how ‘us’ sounds.”
Ted returns the sunny smile that little remark gets him. For once, he doesn’t try to ignore his heart dancing in his chest because, overall, he’s still electrified. He almost feels like a teenager again - but speaking of teenagers, he says, “We should probably head back inside.”
Paul glances over at the doors, some clarity coming back to his face. “Yeah, the kids have probably noticed we’re gone.”
Ted gestures for him to lead the way, but then he darts ahead to open the door, just because this time he doesn’t have to be embarrassed about it. Paul rolls his eyes, but they do go back in - and if Ted grabs his hand and holds it just long enough until they find the kids, long enough to make sure this is real…
Well, nobody has to know.
///
“Okay, everybody in?” Ted calls out as everyone files into the house. “Any stragglers are gonna have to find an open window.”
Pete chuckles, and Ted sees him rolling his eyes, the little shit. “We’re all here, Ted.”
Ted looks over at Paul, waiting for him to hold up five fingers before he shuts the door. “Alright! How long ‘til curfew?”
“An hour,” Richie says, perching on the arm of the couch. “And some change.”
“Perfect. What movie were you on?”
“The sixth one.”
“The best one,” Stephanie calls out, doing something on her phone.
“Lies and slander, Steph-a-nie!”
“Richie, put down the pitchfork,” Paul says, raising a hand. “We’re all tired, and this marathon feels like it’s taking forever, but Ted and I just want you kids to have fun before everybody goes home.”
As the kids all move to sit down, Ruth asks, “Wait, what about you guys?”
“Oh, I’m gonna get drunk, probably,” Ted says. “And Paul will stay as sober as he can, but I’m still keeping him for moral support.”
He claps his hands together and points them at Pete. “Don’t die. See ya!”
He throws up double peace signs and ducks out of the room, waiting for a laughing Paul to follow him. “You can’t just leave a room like that, Ted!”
“I’ve done way worse. You should’ve seen me in my 20s.”
They go to the kitchen, where Ted opens the liquor cabinet. As he grabs a bottle, he realizes Paul is looking at him, and he cocks a brow. “Take a picture, Matthews, it lasts longer.”
He points as Paul reaches toward his pocket. “Don’t you fucking dare-“
Paul laughs, raising his hands. “I won’t, I won’t.”
“Mmph.” Ted eyes him a second longer before grabbing two glasses from the next shelf. “What’re you staring at, then?”
“It’s just that you look…lighter. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you this way.”
“Again, you should’ve met me in my ‘20s. But I see your point.” Shutting the cabinet, Ted puts the glasses on the counter and starts pouring. “It took everything I have to rein myself in for the kids. The car wasn’t just claustrophobic because we somehow got seven people in there, I’ll tell you that much.”
Paul chuckles, taking one glass when Ted offers it. “I get it. We’re both still on cloud nine, aren’t we?”
“Yeah, it’s probably gonna hurt coming back down, but at least we’re goin’ together. Cheers.”
They clink their glasses together, but then Paul asks, “To what? If you say ‘us’, I’m taking Richie and leaving.”
Ted laughs, raising his free hand. “I know, stupid cliché. No, I just…It’s nice to have a win, you know?”
He leans back against the counter, swirling the liquor in his glass. “Life hasn’t exactly been good to me, I don’t have to tell you that. But I missed going into debt by a fuckin’ hair, and now, well…”
He lightly shoulder-checks Paul. “We’re doing whatever this is. We’re like the ‘it’s complicated’ option on Facebook - do people still use Facebook?”
Paul laughs, putting a hand on his head. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure they do.”
“Nice. Well, anyway, all I’m saying is…I’m happy. And I don’t remember the last time I said that and actually, completely meant it.”
They look at each other, having another silent conversation. Paul says, in that same soft way, “That’s great, Ted. That’s really great.”
Ted returns his smile, then after they both sip their drinks, he gently puts a hand on Paul’s shoulder, near his collarbone. “I’m just warning you since we both sort of freaked out the first time, but-“
“Just kiss me.”
“Bossy always was a good look on you.”
Paul chuckles and shakes his head, then they meet in the middle for another kiss - all things considered, much better than the first time. But then-
“Hey, Ted, where’d you put the popcorn - holy shit!”
Ted and Paul jump apart faster than what should honestly be possible. Ted looks at Pete standing in the doorway, stunned. “Third shelf from the bottom in the pantry.”
“So we’re just - we’re not going to acknowledge that?”
Glancing at Paul, Ted shakes his head. “Nope.”
“We have no idea what you’re talking about,” Paul agrees, holding his drink like a candle - which somehow makes him look more innocent.
Pete looks between the two of them and throws his hands up, coming to grab a bag of popcorn from the pantry and turning to cross the room again. “It is the weekend, I’m not doing this tonight. No. Fuck no.”
He opens the microwave and throws the popcorn inside, setting the timer. Turning back to Ted and Paul, he says, surprisingly sincere in comparison to everything else, “Congratulations. I’m happy for both of you.”
Ted blinks a few times and smiles. “Thanks, Pete.”
Pete nods, but then he turns to Paul. “He might be a huge jerk, but he’s still my brother, and I will hunt you down if you ever hurt him. I have my ways.”
Paul is clearly trying not to smile, but it sounds sincere when he says, “I understand. I won’t let either of you down.”
“Good talk. I’ll be back in five minutes.”
As soon as Pete leaves the room, Ted raised a finger, counting the seconds until his brother calls out, “Steph, you were right!”
Stephanie’s muffled reply comes from the living room: “Fuck yeah!”
Ted and Paul look at each other, and they laugh over the sound of the kids cheering. Ted raises his glass, and Paul does the same before they both drink. Ted can’t seem to wipe the smile off his face, but he doesn’t have too big of a problem with it.
He hasn’t felt this way since college. It is still scary letting himself be so vulnerable again, but Stephanie was right to say life is all about risk. And for the first time he can remember, Ted is actually willing to chance it.
Nudging his arm, Paul says, “You’re spacing out again. You with me?”
“Yeah, sorry. Just wondering if I can put ‘destroyed by teenagers’ as a tax deduction.”
“They haven’t broken anything, Ted.”
“In due time, Paul. In due time…”
Paul laughs one more time, and Ted grins into his drink as they both take another sip. He’s already so god damn whipped that it’s not even funny.
Maybe, if he lets himself believe it, everything really will be fine just this once.