Chapter Text
Alex awoke with a start. Sitting up in her bed, she gasped for air, clutching at her chest.
“Alex?” Kara says groggily from beside her, “Alex, hey, hey, it’s okay, you’re okay.” Kara tries to reassure her as she wakes up, realizing what's happening.
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“Hey, focus on me – my breathing,” she says, bringing Alex’s other hand to her chest. “In, out, in, out,” Kara repeats until Alex calms down, her gasps for air slowing to heavy breaths.
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“It’s just a nightmare, you're okay,” Kara says again.
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But Alex shakes her head with sad eyes, “It wasn't."
Kara's brows crinkle, “What do you mean?” She asks softly,
Alex pauses; she knows she's said too much.
“It wasn’t a dream.” There’s a moment of silence as the agent decides how much she should tell.
“It was a memory.” Alex relents
Kara smiles softly, but sadly, “Do you want to tell me about it?” Alex shakes her head.
“That’s okay,” Kara says, bringing Alex’s face into her body, “But just so you know, you can tell me anything,” she whispers to her.
Alex just nods her head, as she knows she can’t.
At least, she shouldn’t.
She wouldn’t.
—----
The morning after, they had both settled into the peaceful morning, Alex and Kara were both off from work today, convenient, but Alex was starting to dread it. She stood, leaning against the smooth, cool island countertop in her kitchen, absentmindedly stirring her steaming coffee with a silver spoon, watching as it gradually cooled and darkened. Her favorite mug, chipped along the rim with a faint crack running from the top of the handle to the lip, mirroring how she felt; Her facade was starting to crack, exposing the buried pain and trauma she had suppressed long ago. Like her battered mug, she was desperately holding herself together, uncertain of how to repair the damage.
Alex breathed in the smell of lukewarm coffee, then exhaled. She brought the mug close to her mouth as she took a small sip. The agent needed a way to distract herself from the tension in the room.
It was silent.
So silent.
But she could feel Kara's eyes watching her, scrutinizing her every move, reading each of her subtle expressions with an intense focus. Alex glanced at the mug, noticing the crack that ran across its surface; it looked almost deliberate, as if it had been intentionally made to break.
This was no accident, but an event meant to happen.
Drip
Drip
Drip
Alex's eyes widen slightly in surprise as she notices the dripping faucet. It’s not loud, but to her, it sounds deafening, echoing in her ears. She swiftly reaches out and switches it off, nearly gasping at the uncanny similarity, yet she restrains herself. Her mind races as she grapples with the unexpected resemblance; she can feel it deep within.
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She can feel the seatbelt buckle and its weight in her hand; she can feel the recoil every time she hits it against the plane.
“Lexie,”
She can almost feel the touch of a warm hand.
Alex gently lets her hand rest for a moment, feeling the reassuring warmth of the fingers intertwined with hers, which provides her with a sense of comfort and calm.
“Alex,” a soft voice calls out to her. Alex turns her head to meet the soft gaze of her younger sister. “Come,” Kara pats the cushion next to her, just as she did the previous night. “Sit,” she insists gently.
Alex moves slowly, holding her breath as if expecting to be interrogated. She sits and waits for the questions; she can already imagine them.
“Does this happen a lot?”
“Is this why you're so closed off?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about this?”
She braces herself for the worst, but nothing ever comes; they just sit in silence.
Just silence.
Silence.
It’s too much. Alex breathes, counting her breaths silently as the silence sits heavily.
In.
Out.
Twelve.
In.
Out.
Thirteen.
“Don’t you have questions?” Alex suddenly finds herself finally asking
Kara takes a breath and smiles at her sister, “Of course I have questions, Alex,” she says gently, “But I understand you don’t want to tell me. All I want you to know is that I’m here for you.”
Alex lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding.
“Now come over here,” Kara pats the spot closer to her, “Do you want to watch anything?” She asks as Alex rests her head on Kara’s shoulder. Alex shakes her head.
“No,” she sighs, “This is perfect.”
—-------
They sit like that for a while, the coffee rests on the table, untouched, as they sit in a comfortable silence. Kara traces little shapes on Alex’s arm as they sit on the couch.
“Was it recent?” Kara asks quietly, her voice almost a whisper.
Alex pauses.
Nothing dramatic, she doesn’t pull away or stiffen, just pauses.
“I’m sorry,” the alien immediately pulls back, “You don’t have to answer that.”
“No,”
Kara’s hand stops the movement on her arm, and she tilts her head down at her sister in slight confusion, “What?”
There’s a pause before Alex continues.
One.
Two.
Three.
“It wasn’t recent.” Alex clarifies, saying it like that wasn’t supposed to mean anything.
The words hang between them, almost like an outstretched arm; it’s heavier than Alex anticipated.
She waits for Kara to react – to ask her more; ‘How long?’ or ‘Who?’
But none of that happens, and the silence is sickening, almost mocking her.
‘I shouldn’t have said anything.’ Alex thinks silently to herself, her jaw tightening and fingers curling around the blanket, but then there’s a movement.
Kara nods.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
Not pushing for more, even though Alex knew she was curious. She continued her motions on Alex’s arm. But this time, Kara’s action is slower, and the detail of the shapes is more critical.
Somehow, this reassures Alex, but only somewhat.
Alex allows her eyes to close, her jaw relaxing.
But behind her eyes, she can still hear it.
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Alex breathes.
In.
Out.
Just like she’s always done.