Chapter Text
Chapter 1 - Exploring
The way Robin looked at me confused me. The look on her face read jealousy and annoyance, her cheeks a shade of pink.
It’s a warm afternoon in September, 2000. Nancy and Robin, third year university students, sit under a shaded tree in between classes, taking in the cool breeze of the early fall weather. Nancy and Robin had met in the first year of university, having had almost all the same classes. They bonded over both being from Indiana and their views on politics and capitalism.
Nancy fills Robin in on what she missed the Saturday night prior. She had a family event to attend to, so missed out on a classmate’s birthday gathering they had at a nearby bar.
Why would she be jealous of a guy hitting on me when she's not into guys?
"What's wrong?" Nancy asked, unable to read her face clearly. She was telling Robin about an encounter with a guy at the club, where he had tried to hit on her and failed miserably.
"It just sounds like an annoying situation to be in. " Robin shrugs, shifting her weight. "I find it so annoying when guys disturb my peace like that. Hence, why I only go to gay clubs," Robin smiles quickly at Nancy, trying to play off the look that was on her face. Nancy decides to go along with it.
"I think I should start coming with you to those. I mean I've been thinking about experimenting" Nancy says shyly, "boys are kinda grossing me out" she shudders. Thinking about how many bad dates she’s been on this year. Robin's eyes widened at the realization of what her friend just said. "E-Experimenting? What do you mean?", She asks, stunned "With girls?!".
Nancy lets out a small, airy laugh "Yeah.. I don't know, I've just been thinking about things," She rubs the back of her neck. "Remember when I had that crush on a girl in my class last year? I thought it wasn't anything major but now-" she pauses, taking in a deep breath. She avoids eye contact with Robin, "Now I kind of look at girls differently? And it's not the same way I looked at boys. It's different? I'm not sure, that's why I want to experiment, so I can clarify what it is I'm feeling," Nancy finishes her ramble, finally meeting Robin's gaze. Robin's brows are raised in surprise, not expecting this from her friend.
"H@ly Sh@t" are the first words to leave her lips. "You think you like girls?" She exclaims before Nancy quickly shushes her and covers her mouth, eyes looking around the court yard, but no one seems close enough to hear anything. Nancy breathes a sigh of relief, removing her hand from her friend’s mouth.
"God, you don't have to yell," Nancy hisses. Her friend was known for being loud. "but yes, I might be into girls. I think. I'm not sure. Ugh I don't like this feeling," She groans. Robin looks at her slightly amused by the crisis her friend is going through. She looks down, her brows knit together to what seems like a look of confusion. Nancy notices this but doesn't ask seeing as she brushed her off earlier. She looks like she's got something on her mind. She instead tries to distract her.
"So we'll go this weekend? To the club?" Nancy chirps, hoping to catch Robin's attention. It works, Robin looks up at her. "Yeah, I know a place I think you'll like. They play the best songs and the drinks are pretty cheap. It’s kind of a hot spot right now," She smiles "I'm free on Friday night".
"Cool" Nancy smiles at Robin. "I'm going to a gay club" she cheers softly, throwing her hands in the air. Robin lets out a small chuckle. "If I knew you'd be this excited, I'd have asked you to tag along long ago,". Just then the bell rings, signalling the beginning of the next period. They both stand up, picking up their belongings.
"Let's go before we're late for class" says Nancy, walking towards the Arts hall. Robin follows her silently. Knowing her college best friend, she'll tell her when she's ready. She always processes things internally before speaking about them, well, major things. So Nancy decides to say nothing about the topic any further. She hums one of her favourite songs as they make their way to their afternoon Philosophy lecture.
It’s Friday afternoon, Nancy is walking out the Arts Hall after her last class. She notices Robin leaning against a lamppost, arms crossed, digging the toe of her Doc Martins into the sand. She seems lost in thought as she has been all week. They don’t have the last class together as they have different majors - Nancy's being Journalism with a focus on Public Relations, while Robin is Majoring broadly in Journalism - they still walk to the dorms together on the days they finish around the same time. Nancy smiles, walking faster to keep Robin from waiting.
“Got a lot on your mind?” She asks jokingly, approaching her. Robin raises her head quickly. She smiles seeing her best friend, shaken from her train of thoughts. “Just thinking about a paper due soon that I have yet to start on” Robin sighs, trying to hide whatever was really on her mind. Nancy can tell but she doesn’t push. They turn and start the walk to their dorm. Nancy thinks about how weird Robin has been acting all week, quiet and thinking to herself, not yapping as much as she usually would. Maybe it’s something serious? Family related? The walk is silent for the most part, not uncomfortably but weird as Robin would normally be telling Nancy about her day. Nancy’s not sure how long she can go on without mentioning her strange behaviour. She decides to break the silence.
“I’m excited for tonight. I’m not sure what to wear though” Nancy tells her honestly. She has no clue what to wear to a gay club, she doesn’t wanna look misplaced. Her and Robin’s styles were different. Robin being more on the grungy side, a little androgynous. She wore sleeveless graphic tees, tank tops, and overalls, and she always had the coolest accessories. Nancy's on the other hand was more on the preppy side. Mini skirts, polos and coloured cardigans. She admired Robin’s style and how effortlessly good she looked without even trying. Nancy tries to pinpoint just what about Robin it was. Honey blonde, messy bob that smelt of fresh fruit, freckles scattered on her sun-kissed skin, a couple of tattoos on her arms and legs, but maybe most of all, it was the way she exuded confidence. She was naturally charming. Robin is just Robin, her cool, amazing, man-hating lesbian best friend.
“Dress how you normally do when you go out” Robin perks up, looking at Nancy’s face. She seems to hesitate a moment before adding,“If you’re looking to hook up with girls, it’s best to be your authentic self. That’s what’ll attract them,”. She turns her face towards the path ahead of them. Out of the corner of her eye, Nancy tries and fails to read her face. They soon reach the outside of Robin's dorm, coming to a stop. Hook up with girls? That sound so weird out loud.
“Okay, I guess you’re the expert here” Nancy says teasingly, gazing at Robin’s face. Robin lets out a laugh “Well, this may be my area of expertise," She says with a wink. They both crack a laugh as Robin turns to leave but stops. "Oh, hey, I asked some friends to meet us there, ya know, for when you need to talk to some babe, and i'm not stuck as a third wheel. You're okay with that right?" Robins smiles.
"Yeah, of course. Anyone I know?" Nancy asks. Like she knows any queer people besides Robin and her brother. Robin has a questioning look on her face " You remember my friend Steve, from high school? He's coming, said he was planning to meet friends there anyway. Like I said, it's a popular stop to hang these days," Robin laughs. Nancy nods,
"Okay cool. Let’s meet at 20:30?," Nancy says gazing down at her watch. It read 16:15. Robin glances at it too, she smiles “Yes ma’am, see you then”. She turns and walks away. Nancy gives a small wave before turning and walking the short distance to her building next door.
Nancy walks up the stairs to her dorm room, trying to figure out what she's going to wear and everything else she needs to do.
I have more than enough time to get ready
She smiles nervously but excitedly.
Am I really going to kiss a girl tonight?
Her eyes widen in fear, almost coming to a stop, all the thoughts she’s had about her sexuality these past few months come rushing at her. Is this really the only way for her to clarify her feelings? No. Is it the easiest way? Maybe. Nancy silently starts to panic, wondering if this was a good idea. To be kissing randoms in the club.
That was her plan, to kiss a girl tonight.
When she reaches her dorm, she hurries inside and crashes on her bed, groaning loudly at her situation. She’s happy she doesn’t have a roommate this year.
After composing herself, Nancy decides the first thing she should do is look at outfit options. Robin told her to dress as she normally would but she fears that her preppy look wouldn’t look as cute in the club. She decides on a mini denim skirt, and she has 2 top tops laid out, one is a black halter neck blouse and another is a sheer, cream shirt that she’s never had the confidence of wearing. Nancy’s not quite sure if it’s too much, not her. She decides to switch the denim skirt for a brown, plaid, pleated skirt and she likes this better. It’s not an outfit she’s worn before, but it actually seems like a pretty decent outfit.
Nancy is just about done getting ready, finally deciding on the black halter neck top. She looks at her shoe options before deciding on her black knee-high boots and grabbing her leather jacket in case it gets cold later.
She looks in the mirror one last time, to check all is in order before heading to meet Robin.
Waiting in line to get into the club, Nancy felt out of place a bit. They’re sounded by so many eccentric people, with amazing style and personality that shines so brightly, as if no one can dim it, which they shouldn’t be able to, but the world is still adjusting to accept the ‘LGBT community’. Robin seems to notice Nancy’s uneasy presence, she tries to calm her down a bit.
“Hey, you look really good Nance,” looking at the outfit which was just a little out of her friend’s comfort zone. Nancy smiles, “I’m glad I decided to try and be a bit more out of the box, I would have stuck out in my cardigan and polo,”. She means stuck out in a ‘what is this boring person doing here’ kind of way. Robin is still eyeing her, she notices and shifts shyly. “Although I do feel a bit bare,” she says referring to her skimpy top under her jacket.
“I can assure you, you look good Nancy,” Robin rests a hand on her shoulder, giving her a look of reassurance. Nancy takes a breath and smiles. I trust Robin. “Although, no one would have batted an eye for coming in a cardigan, this is a judgement free zone” Robin’s arm lingers on her arm for a few more seconds as she smiles widely at Nancy. She seems better than earlier.
Robin drops her arm as they finally make their way to the front of the line.