Chapter Text
[Hello, Honored User]
Julian opened his eyes and squinted tiredly at the text in front of him. “... what?”
[I am your System. I will be explaining to Honored User about his new place in this world]
Julian closed his eyes again with a hum. “No thanks.”
[You do not have a choice]
Uughhhh
Julian let out a long sigh and rolled his shoulders. “Fine. Let’s hear it.”
[Let us begin with your new body]
Julian let out a noise of surprise when he was suddenly surrounded on all sides by a massive customization menu, a long series of panels in front of him containing different mechanical bodies, ranging from small to large to massive.
“The hell?” Julian said, eyes taking in everything with growing excitement. “What is this?”
[This, Honored User, is your very own Character Creation Menu]
“No shit, System,” Julian said sarcastically as he tapped at one of the bigger body types, one that could turn into a train holy shit- judging from the small preview panel that popped up as he was looking at it, showing the body transforming into a train and then back again. “I mean- what is this world that I need a robot body for?”
[This world is known as Cyberworld. It is a world where various similarly mechanical Players have been trapped in and who must fight to survive and eventually escape- be it together or alone]
“Sick,” Julian said as he gave his body blue paint. “I’m gonna be a Player then?”
[No]
Julian paused. “I’m not gonna be a Player? The fuck am I gonna be then?”
[You will take the place of Helpful NPC #455, and will provide guidance to Players should they come across you. This System will supply you with all of the necessary information. Does Honored User have any questions?]
Julian frowned and added a red stripe to his body before adding a few black stripes in for good measure. “... do I get freedom of movement, at least?”
[Yes. Unlike regular static NPCs, Honored User has been given the permanent invisible title of: False Player NPC; you will be unable to reveal your status as an NPC; however, you will be required to assist, guide and communicate with various Players throughout this campaign, and you can even join their parties should you wish]
“Hm, and if I somehow do reveal that I’m an NPC? Would I get any sort of penalties?” Julian asked as he squinted at the various shades of gray he was holding up against his future body’s face before shrugging and going with the one shade that was closest to white. Close enough.
Shame about the facial structure though, Julian thought mournfully. So close, yet so far.
[Correct. In the unlikely event that you somehow reveal your status as a False Player NPC, you will receive: point deductions, debuffs, limited inventory space, limited currency, lower HP and Stamina, etc.]
“Could you be any more excited about my punishment?” Julian grumbled as he switched over to accessories, and he felt an unholy glee at the sight of themed hats. “Oh my god, is there- there is holy fucking shit.”
His avatar materialised a metallic black cowboy hat and after a moment of consideration, he added a blue and silver Sheriff’s star on the center of it. He quickly scrolled through the rest of the accessories and gave himself a metal belt as well.
He glanced up at the hovering text box and asked, “Can I get a revolver? Like the ones you can fan?”
[Unfortunately, any and all weapons can only be acquired from interacting with the world, and given your status as a False Player, I am unable to provide you with anything besides your body]
“Lame,” Julian said, sticking out his tongue. “How the hell am I supposed to defend myself?”
[... Honored User did choose a train as his main body]
Julian stared up at the words blankly.
[... Honored User can run people over]
“Ohh,” Julian said, snapping his fingers. “Nice.”
He placed his hands on his hips and took in his behemoth of an avatar before he nodded to himself in satisfaction. “Aight, I think I’m good.”
[Honored User must give himself a name before this System can send him into Cyberworld]
“Shit, uh, give me a minute,” Julian said as a screen appeared in front of him.
DESIGNATION: PENDING_
He immediately began to type THOMAS THE TR-
He jumped when the screen flashed red and erased what he’d managed to get down. “Oh come the fuck on! I can’t be Thomas the Train?!”
[Correct. Honored User must try again]
“That’s some bullshit,” Julian grumbled and crossed his arms.
Julian thought for a few moments before he was reminded of a game he’d recently played and quickly typed in ONI.
Only his stupid fucking finger double tapped on the N and he was left with ONNI.
“Shit, fuck, I need to-” and then the screen blipped out of existence. “Hey!”
[Honored User’s set timer has expired. Honored User’s designation will be ONNI]
Julian glared. “I wasn’t being serious about the minute thing!”
[This System will make a note of Honored User’s complaint]
Julian flipped off the text box and crossed his arms again. “So, what’s nex-”
The void around him suddenly dematerialised and with a violent wave of vertigo, he was suddenly tumbling through the sky and towards the very distant earth below that was quickly becoming not so distant at all.
“HOLY S̴̺̣̮͛͊̈͐̕H̸̨͈̹̀̍̓̔̎ͅI̵͓͛̊Ṯ̷̛̏̽ BISCUITS!” Julian screamed, flailing his arms as he crashed into a copse of trees, the poor flora doing absolutely nothing to break his fall as he slammed down into the ground with a pained groan.
“Owww, my f̶̡͇̈́u̵̘̘͓̳̓͌c̶̡̡̪̣̾̊̉̍k̴̜̭̖̥͝i̶̳̤̹̋͊̀̀ņ̴̠̽ͅͅĝ̴͉̰̝̜͗͝ everything,” Julian whined as he heaved himself up. He caught sight of his body and blinked. “Oh, I switched? D̵͕͈͉͗̚a̴͇͊̀͑̃m̴̳̱͗̑n̵̗̳̼̔̂ͅ, that was fast.”
He paused. “Hang on, the f̴̻̱̾͘ṵ̴̙̐c̵̲̲͖͊̇̉k̸͎̏̾̕ is going on with my words right now?”
[Honored User is being censored]
Julian squinted. “Why?”
[Honored User's vulgar words are not compatible with this world's language. To others, you will be cursing in the language they are familiar with]
“That's kind of stupid,” Julian huffed as he started to brush off leaves and debris from his body. “Why not just give me the list of terminology I should be using?”
[Honored User does not have enough points to access this item]
Julian did a double take at the text. “The f̸̭͔̬̋͑͛͋ụ̷͗͒c̵͔̞͑k̸̦̘̜͐̅͝. you mean I need points?! Aren't you supposed to help me fit in, you scammer?!”
[This System never said anything about helping Honored User. This System only ever stated that it would explain to Honored User about how this world works]
“Scammer,” Julian hissed and glared around himself.
He began to walk.
“So explain to me this,” Julian began as he made his way through the forest. “Why this world?”
[This System is not at liberty to say]
Julian rolled his eyes and slapped aside a low-hanging branch, sending it flying into the underbrush. “Okay. Then what exactly am I supposed to do? I know you said I’m helping out Players and whatever, but is there a specific way or-”
“RAAAAAARGHH!”
Julian paused. “Well that doesn’t sound good.”
“DIIIIIIEEEEEE!”
“Yeah, no, f̴̢͋u̶͍̒̔c̴̣̠̀͘k̴̫̜͑ that direction in particular,” he said cheerfully as he spun on his heel and started to walk back the way he came only to freeze at the System’s next words.
[You are required to help and guide all Players, Honored User. Failure in completing your assigned task will result in a penalty]
“That’s a Player?!” Julian asked, pointing at where he assumed the source of the roaring was coming from before pointing at himself, aiming wide, disbelieving eyes up at the text box. “And what the f̴̜͎̀͗̍̄ų̶͚̀̐̈́͗c̷̠̅͑͛ķ̷̗̼̒̑͑̚͜ am I supposed to do? Offer therapy?!”
[You are the Helpful NPC, Honored User. Speak with the Player, and, depending on how they respond to you, they will receive: invisible debuff, invisible buff, or an item]
Son of a bitch
Julian slapped his hands together and took a deep breath. “Fine.”
It’s okay, man, Julian thought to himself as he turned around and walked towards the potentially psychotic Player. You can turn into a train and run them over. Have faith in the train.
Julian brushed away a large leaf, revealing the sight of a roaring robot dinosaur as it tore up the forest around it. He watched as it bit down on the trunk of a tree, splintering it before it suddenly froze.
And then it whipped around to lock eyes with him.
Julian slowly shuffled back into the underbrush- only to break out into a dead sprint when this fucker started chasing after him.
“ME GRIMLOCK DESTROY YOU, WEAKLING!” The dinosaur who could apparently speak and whose name was apparently Grimlock shouted after him.
Ah, Julian thought, snapping his fingers in realization as he ran. The psychotic Player is a dinosaur. I should’ve known.
“Can’t we talk about this?!” Julian hollered back. “I can maybe give you some useful s̶̬̰̓ẖ̴̰̈́̂̆i̵̘̣̻͠t̸͖͕͒̉! Do you take bribes?!”
“WHAT?!” Grimlock roared. “NO HEAR OVER THE SOUND OF COWARDLY RETRE-!”
Choo-choo!
Julian crashed into Grimlock, sending him to the ground as he transformed on top of him, making sure to plant his foot on his chest to keep him from doing something stupid- like biting him or some shit.
He reached down and booped the dinosaur on the snoot. As one does.
“I said,” Julian hissed as he booped him again for good measure. “Do you take bribes, m̷̈́̀͘͜o̵͍͈̽̄t̶͓̰̄́͝h̴̪͆̚ē̵͙̘͛͒r̵͓̂f̸̖̓u̶̘̳̒ḉ̶͖͇̎k̶̪̒̐͜e̵̮̽́r̷̗͊̿̑?”
Grimlock stared up at him with wide eyes before they narrowed consideringly. “... depends on what it is that you are offering.”
“Answer the d̵̎̀͜a̴͇̓̂̄m̷̳̊͝ṇ̶̓ question first or I’ll take my business elsewhere,” Julian snapped. “I’m already annoyed as s̷̱̾̓̕ẖ̵̠͇̂͘i̴̯̠̊̄͘t̴̫͂̃ as it is, Grimf̵̼̝́̒u̷͉͆͐͜c̷̱̹̯̏͋͠k̶̟̈́.”
“Why do you want to trade with Grimlock?” Grimlock asked because clearly he wanted to make Julian’s life more difficult than it already was. Asshole. “Do you think that Grimlock will spare you if bribe is accepted?”
Julian deadpanned. “I honestly don’t give a flying f̷̲̄̃u̶̹͎̎c̵̨̿k̸̗̊ what it is you do after you take the bribe, I just want to get this over with and be on my way even if it means running you over until there’s nothing left of your prehistoric b̵̟̑͋i̵̧̇͂ṯ̴̡͗͝c̸̼̓̏͜h̶̠̹̓͘ ̵͉͂̎ả̴̝͘ͅs̴͓̭̄š̸͔̉.”
“Hehehe! Me Grimlock like you!” Grimlock laughed as he nodded. “Very well! Me Grimlock accepts your offer of bribe, stranger.”
“Sweet,” Julian said. Now what, System?
[Honored User is in control during this exchange. You may offer whatever you wish to the Player at this time]
Julian peered down at Grimlock, who was studying him in return. “... do you need anything in particular right about now?”
Grimlock smiled with all of his metal teeth. “Energon.”
Julian shrugged. I don’t know what the fuck that is but sure. “Cool. One sec.”
System, how do I give him whatever energon is?
[Would Honored User allow this System temporary control in order to demonstrate?]
Nevermind, I’ll figure it out, Julian thought cheerfully as he raised his hand up into the air-
Energon, energon, I summon thee, so for the love of god please appear before me, he thought frantically because if this didn’t work then he would look so fucking cringe.
-and snapped his fingers.
Blip
And there, hovering right above Grimlock, was a glowing blue cube.
“WHAT?!” Grimlock shouted as Julian moved away with a little ta-da. “HOW YOU DO THAT?!”
“Special thing I call an inventory,” Julian lied, watching as the dinosaur suddenly transformed and absorbed the cube with a loud laugh. “... okay what the f̶̧̆u̵̬̎͜c̷̳̺̍̕k̶̖̄.”
[Congratulations, Honored User! You have helped (1) Player! You have received an award of (50) points! Keep up the hard work!]
“Anyways, I better get going now-” Julian said as he went to leave only to feel a hand grasp onto his shoulder. Goddammit.
“Me Grimlock have… a proposal,” Grimlock said, letting Julian go when he turned around to look down at him. “What say you to truce, stranger?”
“A truce?” Julian asked bemusedly.
“Yes,” Grimlock said, nodding. “I ask for energon, you give. In return, me Grimlock no beat you to slag.”
Julian threw his head back and laughed. “Yeah, no, f̶̧̆u̵̬̎͜c̷̳̺̍̕k̶̖̄ that. I’m good without a truce as s̷̘̉̕͜h̷͓̗͛i̶̻͉̓t̷̖̖̀ as that.”
Grimlock glared at him stubbornly and raised his blaster. “Then prepare to be-!”
Before the dinosaur could even blink, Julian was already in his face, fist drawn back-
Wham!
Julian shook his hand and he stared at where Grimlock was suddenly being enveloped in a red pixelated light before he went limp. “... guess I’m a lot stronger than I look, huh?”
[Reminder than Honored User is a train]
Whatever, shut up, Julian thought with a huff as he placed his hands on his hips and glared down at Grimlock.
After a moment, he grinned.
He reached up and tipped his hat at the groaning dinosaur and said in an exaggerated Texas accent, “Pleasure doin’ business with ya partner.”
And then he transformed and choo-choo’d his ass away.
“So, System,” Julian said later as he was laying on his stomach in front of a stream, one hand playing with the water while the other kept his head propped up. “I’m supposed to help every Player here? That wasn’t just hyperbole?”
[Correct, Honored User. Though you hold the invisible title of False Player NPC, you are still, at your base coding, Helpful NPC #455. You are to help all Players- though should a Player attempt to destroy you, you are allowed to fight back and take back any useful buffs/items that were initially given to them, as you did with the Player known as ‘Grimlock’]
Julian blinked and sat up. “Wait- I took the energon back? Was that what the red light meant?”
[Correct. Observe]
Julian watched as a second screen opened up beside the text box, and he saw a 3D rendition of himself, who, upon noticing him looking, flipped him off with a muted cackle, making Julian grin at the sight as he returned the one fingered salute.
Above his mini-me’s head was a bar with an image of his face.
The bar was glowing gold and there was an infinity symbol at the end of it.
Julian pointed at it. “Is that my health bar?”
[In a sense. This is your energon level. When a Player reaches the limit, they are able to level up, and as a result, grow stronger. If too much energon is lost, the Player loses a level]
Julian stared. “... am I always gonna be good on energon then?”
The bar suddenly flickered, and overlaid on top of it was a bar that was blue and half full with a (2) where the previous infinity sign used to be.
“Eh?!”
[This is what other Players will see. Honored User must take care in playing the role of False Player, or risk discovery, meaning that Honored User must take care to not gift too much energon]
“Am I able to switch between them?” Julian asked, rubbing his head. “Or am I supposed to just eyeball the gold bar and go “eyup, I’m about to die for sure, time to skedaddle!”
[Honored User will be able to switch between menus- though if Honored User wishes, this System can label the menu of False Player as priority one?]
“Yes. Do that,” Julian said. “Please do that.”
[Honored User’s Menu Settings have been adjusted per Honored User’s request]
Julian flopped onto his back and stared up at the simulated sky. “... hey, System?”
[Yes, Honored User?]
Julian placed his hands over his stomach and watched the sky slowly darken overhead. “How many Players are stuck here?”
The text box flickered above his face.
[This System is not at liberty to say]
Julian closed his eyes with a sigh. “Figures.”
Guess I better make a name for myself, huh?