Chapter Text
As of late, Naruto felt like he was being useless. It was a very random feeling and so self-deprecating that he wanted to immediately vanish it when it first started blooming in his chest. But case in point, he was feeling useless and he didn't even know why.
The answer came to him one morning when he was playing with Gai.
"NARUTO, MY SPRIGHTLY FRIEND! YOU ARE GETTING GOOD AT OUR GAME!" Gai gave a boisterous laugh and patted Naruto.
The Jinchuriki huffed. He wiped his sweaty forehead and laughed.
"Uhn! It's such a waste Tiny-sensei refused to play with us."
"MY YOUTHFUL RIVAL WILL PLAY WITH US NEXT TIME! I ASSURE YOU! IF HE DOESN'T, I WILL CLIMB THE HOKAGE MOUNTAIN TEN TIMES USING ONLY MY HANDS AND WITH A BLINDFOLD!"
Naruto's eyes sparkled at Gai's enthusiasm. Climbing the Hokage Mountain with Gai's condition would surely be dangerous, deadly to civilians even. But if anyone could do it, it would surely be Gai. Naruto believed it.
They were playing 'Hide and Youth' for almost all afternoon now. It's an enthusiastic game of Hide and Seek but when the hider finished finding a place to hide, they would yell 'Youth' three times at the top of their lungs, giving the seeker a hint on where their located at. It was a bit grueling as time passes because Naruto and Gai had a competition on the most obscure places they could hide.
(Gai won that contest when he hid himself at the Hyuuga Clan Head's house. It was a surprise that Gai wasn't caught when he was yelling YOUTH very loudly but was apprehended when he accidentally wandered at the kitchen and saw Naruto snooping there, looking for him. The looks on everyone's faces when they saw them was a memory to remember. They were scolded for two hours by a bunch of angry Hyuugas, their Byakugan activated, veins bulging at the side of their eyes and instead of words, some were actually plainly hissing at them.)
(It was amazing.)
(They managed to escape that situation without harmful repercussions by pure luck when the Clan Heir, Hyuuga Hisashi, saw Naruto and proceeded kick them out of his clan compound, throwing prayers and talisman against bad luck and evil spirits in their way.)
(Naruto still has a persistent talisman glued in his back.)
The two friends continued laughing with each other.
Suddenly, Naruto caught a glimpse of orange in his peripheral vision. The sight of orange tinted goggles first mesmerized Naruto but as he saw the owner of the particular eye wear, Naruto's throat quickly constricted.
The feeling of uselessness came back ten fold and for a moment, Naruto couldn't breathe.
"G-gai." If Naruto's voice sounded strangled, Gai didn't take notice of it.
"HMM?"
"Who...who's that?" And the blond pointed at the direction of the boy he was staring at.
"OH, THAT'S OBITO! HE'S A CLASSMATE! SHALL I INVITE HIM TO OUR YOUTHFULL GAME! I THINK I SHALL! THE SPRING OF FRIENDSHIP WILL BLOOM ON THE THREE OF US!" And he walked towards the direction of the Uchiha with the intention of convincing him to play with them.
When Gai returned after inviting Obito, Naruto was gone.
'Aren't you being a bit impulsive, kit? This isn't a decision you should take lightly,' Kurama prodded Naruto.
'I have pondered on it, Kurama. I made my decision and I will stand by it.'
'Bah! Pondered? You liar. Have you forgotten I can hear your thoughts? There was no pondering that happened! You just made your decision without further thinking on what the consequences your actions will cause!' Kurama roared, irritated at his charge. 'Have you even thought of what your snake father would feel if he knew that you're going to leave them?!'
Naruto stopped packing, sealing scrolls littered at the top of his futon.
"I won't leave them forever forever." He wasn't sure if he was trying to convince the Bijuu or himself. "I will come back."
Naruto learned why he was feeling useless.
Here he was, being complacent with his place at Konoha. He now has a father, a brother, friends, a home and family he could call his— everything he used to wish he had when he was younger. Naruto enjoyed every moment he had, basking in the warmth and love he received from people he least except it from and because of that, he forgot why he was here.
He forgot that he had a mission he assigned for himself.
He ignored the thought of the future. The pain, the suffering, the loss everyone would receive at the future that would surely come if he didn't try to prevent it from happening.
He forgot about everyone else's pain when he was so busy thinking about himself.
Naruto realized that he was so selfish. He was happy. He is happy. But would everyone else be? Would they blame him if they learned that he was currently being selfish?
Seeing the younger Obito smiling freely woke Naruto from the daze of happiness and of home. He remembered that in the near future, Obito would stop smiling because everything and everyone would be taken away from him. That Kakashi would forever blame himself for that incident.
That Naruto was busy playing, laughing and selfishly having everything for himself that he didn't pause for a second to think about what would happen in the future. Even if in the end, the war and conflict was solved— Naruto has the chance to prevent that from happening. Yet, here he was, doing nothing about it!
He was so useless!
(Naruto imagined Kakashi looking at him with an angry glare. Blaming him for doing nothing to stop his pain.)
(Naruto saw Obito looking at him, one socket empty and bleeding. His lips unsmiling.)
(And when his mind conjured an image of an angry Orochimaru— Naruto stopped the bilw from rising in his throat.)
(Nononostopstoppleasestopdon'tdon'tpleaseplease—)
'You are being unreasonable, Naruto. You are the most selfless person that I know. You are so, so selfless that I always hate it and right now, even if you think yourself selfish, you aren't. You're not. You're not.' There was something strange in Kurama's voice. Naruto thought that he sounded pleading but that wasn't right, Kurama would never do that.
And he's wrong, Naruto was selfish abd he knew that. He accepted that fact. And it's time to do something about it.
'No matter what I say, you won't change your mind, will you?'
Naruto shook his head, 'I need to do this.'
The blond heard Kurama sighing.
'I still haven't finished fixing your chakra coils. I will remind you that you still can't use a large amount of chakra. If you died on me, kit, I will kill myself to hunt you down at the Purelands and strangle you to death.'
Naruto laughed, "silly, Kurama! Did you forget that if I died, you will die, too?"
'That's why you shouldn't die, you idiot!'
He started packing again, ignoring Kurama's constant yelling in his mind. He's just being silly again.
Naruto silently closed the door and slowly walked towards his father's bed. He peered at the man occupying the bed and saw Orochimaru looking up at him. Being a light sleeper, he was already awake when he heard Naruto's footsteps padding in the wooden floor towards the direction of his room.
"Have trouble sleeping?" The Sannin asked, lifting his blanket and silently inviting his son to join him. Naruto heeded the silent request without futher complaint and he immediately stuck his face at the man's cold neck.
Naruto breathed.
(Homehomehomehomehome.)
"You feel..." Orochimaru trailed off, thinking what the right word was but came up with a simple one, "sad."
Naruto didn't answer. For the first time, refusing to talk about himself. He just continued seeking his father's comfort. He was thankful that Orochimaru didn't prod for an answer, accepting his silence. The man adjusted his position to let Naruto rest comfortably at his side, closing his eyes for a much needed rest.
"... Tou-chan?" Naruto suddenly called.
"Hmm?"
"I love you."
"And I to you."
Naruto closed his eyes.
("It's just facing an old Uchiha Madara. Surely, they could settle everything with a calm talk between gulps of ramen. What could go wrong?" Was Naruto's last thought before letting himself succumb to sleep.)
(Kurama with all the willpower he could gather, stop himself from gnashing his teeth and yelling, 'EVERYTHING!')