Chapter Text
The Summer wasn’t quite established enough to warm up the cold Bay Area nights where the frigid sea wind ignored any lingering warmth from the sun and instead set cold into the bones of anyone foolish enough to go out without a jumper. And for that, Pearl was eternally grateful. True, she lived in Scar’s house with air conditioning now, but she couldn’t undo several years worth of conditioning in a few months, and Pearl had too many memories of sweltering Australian or Californian Summer nights where sweat would plaster sheets to her skin and the air felt like it was suffocating her, for her not to appreciate a cool night.
Maybe the size of her room amplified her awareness of the cold. She'd never had a room large enough to fit a queen-sized bed (‘Grian’s not that big, how am I supposed to fit in a queen-sized bed?’ she’d quipped when Tango and Impulse had moved the bed in for her, which had earned her several laughs and Grian starting every sentence with ‘lesbihonest’ for the next hour) and several desks, one piled high with work, the other laid out with pot plants in various states of health. She could hear the wind whistling outside her bedroom window and some shuffling outside her door, like the whole world was alive around her. It was that sort of feeling that had drawn her into studying the environment: the way humans wore paths into their landscapes, the fact that you could pick up a chunk of dirt anywhere in the world and there would be something alive in it without fail. It was reassuring to be surrounded by life, reminders that life was biochemical energy and energy meant taking action and doing things, even if they scared her.
She breathed in the dry air, enjoying the way the quarter moon bathed her bedroom in silver light, and let herself relax back onto her bed, counting all the things she had to be content about when there was a quiet tap at her door.
“Pearl?” Came Gem’s voice, thick with sleep and emotion. “Are you awake?”
“Yeah,” Pearl called, “come in.”
“I’m sorry to disturb you.” Gem opened the door the bare minimum required to let herself into the room, closing it and restoring Pearl’s wonderful silvery darkness. She was dressed in the same old pink pyjamas she’d had when her and Pearl had been roommates back in first year, though they were far more faded now. Her face was blotchy and red and Pearl couldn’t help but feel that it was slightly unfair that Gem managed to make the emotional mess look work for her.
“Aw, Gem, what’s wrong? What happened?” Pearl said, getting out of bed and wrapping an arm around Gem which she leant into, breathing shakily as she did.
“Had a nightmare,” she mumbled into Pearl’s shoulder. “Can I stay here for a bit?”
Pearl remembered long ago, when they’d first moved into their old place when Gem had told her that she was glad her bed and Pearl’s bed were up against the same wall, so when she’d had a nightmare she could press her ear against it and time her breathing with Pearl’s. They were across a hallway from each other now, taking that comfort away from Gem in a way that made knots form in Pearl’s stomach. She didn’t know how often Gem had nightmares, or what they were about. Seeing Gem in the day, you’d never know she was struggling with them.
“Yeah, c’mon.” Pearl got back into bed, lifting the covers up for Gem to lie next to her. “We’ll have a sleepover.”
Gem climbed into the bed next to Pearl, turning so they were looking at each other. Pearl did her best to ignore how close they were, the way she could feel Gem’s breath warming the air between them.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Pearl asked.
“I guess?” Gem replied, her eyes searching Pearl’s expression for something Pearl didn’t know how to give her.
“Well, what happened?” Pearl asked, determined to live up to her title as the pragmatic friend.
“It’s stupid really.” Gem said, and Pearl could understand that. She could remember several dreams that had seemed to make perfect logical sense while they were happening but the moment she woke up holes would start appearing in the story of it all.
“Dreams often are,” Pearl agreed. “Tell me about it anyway.”
“Well,” Gem said, burying her face in the pillow a little. “I lost the grant for the app and everyone got really angry at me and kicked me out.”
Pearl, to her credit, didn’t laugh, Gem was being vulnerable and that was basically Pearl’s greatest fear, so she wasn’t about to laugh at her for it. “Gem, I don’t think there’s a single thing you could possibly do to make us hate you.”
“Yeah, well, tell my subconscious that.” Gem laughed.
“Yeah, well.” Pearl said, letting them lapse into silence. If she’d been more awake, Pearl liked to think she'd have had more to say, but it was late and her pillow was comfortably luring her back into sleep and she was more captivated than she had any right to be by Gem’s sleepy expression. Pearl liked the idea that Gem felt better just being around her, it was comforting in a way she didn’t often let herself feel.
“Hey Pearl?” Gem said, her voice so quiet Pearl could barely hear it above the wind outside.
“Yeah?”
“Did you mean that? That you’d never hate me?” Gem sounded so small and Pearl was far too tired to fight the urge to wrap an arm around her.
“Yeah. Why? Did you secretly kill someone or something?” Pearl asked.
“Well, no,” Gem replied. “But I just never want to lose you.”
“Gem.” Pearl said, dead serious, probably more serious than she would have been if fully awake. “There is literally nothing you could possibly do that would make me hate you.”
“OK,” Gem said, taking a deep breath that made a few flyaway strands blow off Pearl’s face. “So, um, are you sure?”
“Yes,” Pearl was trying not to get exasperated. “Obviously-” And suddenly whatever Pearl had been about to say didn’t matter one bit because Gem was kissing her and every thought Pearl had ever had was stopped in their tracks and disintegrated.
Gem’s lips were soft and smelled faintly of one of the thousand strawberry chapsticks she kept strewn throughout her coat pockets, purses, and inside drawers that had no business housing one of Gem’s chapsticks.
Pearl would have been content to stay like that forever, but Gem pulled away almost as quickly as she’d rushed forwards.
“Sorry,” she said, really falling into the Canadian stereotype. “I can go now if-”
“No no no,” Pearl said, exerting as much self-control as she had to make sure she didn’t use her full grip strength as she grabbed Gem’s hand to keep her there. “We are not the boys. We don’t run away from our feelings like this. And that’s beside the point: I kissed you back! What made you think I didn’t want to do that?”
“Well, I just.” Gem paused, looking like a deer caught in headlights. “You never said- I never said. It’s been years! You mean I could have been kissing you all this time?”
“I mean, uh, yeah.” Pearl responded eloquently. “I mean, thank you for not doing it while I was freaking out to Grian about being into you but, it’s been a very long time since then.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Gem asked.
“Why didn’t you?” Pearl met Gem’s eyes, sparkling with mirth and they both burst into laughter.
“We’re idiots.” Pearl groaned once she’d caught her breath. “Grian and I had an agreement not to meddle in each other’s love lives and I ruined that, and he’s been dropping hints that he was gonna do something to make me tell you and I just-”
“Oh my goodness that’s hilarious! Mumbo and Impulse have been saying the exact same stuff to me.” Gem said, falling back into laughter.
“Wait, Impulse knew about you as well?” Pearl was going to strangle him as soon as she was done laughing. “And he just lived with us tip-toeing around each other?”
“They’re going to be so smug when we tell them.” Gem said and her face fell. “We are dating or something now, right? I’m sorry if I assumed.”
“Stop panicking,” Pearl said, trying not to panic herself. “Yes, I’d love to be your girlfriend if that’s what you want as well.”
“Ok, ok good. Girlfriends.” Gem repeated, smiling once again. “But they are gonna be so smug.”
“Intolerably smug,” Pearl agreed. “Looking back it's almost funny how much they tore their hair out over how oblivious we were.”
“Oh yeah?” Gem said, her tone making Pearl shiver delightedly. “What if we pretended to be even more oblivious.”
“Ooh, that's basically evil. I love it. Like if they see us kiss and we’re just like, ‘that’s our best friends for life secret handshake, actually’.”
“Oh my gosh, they’ll die!” Gem laughed. “Also what did you mean about your freak out when you realised you like me? Weren’t you already out as queer?”
“Yeah, but I’m on the ace and aro spectrums so it had been a seriously long time since I’d felt anything like that. I drove Grian up the wall asking if I was still valid.” Pearl smirked at the memory, Grian hadn’t been much better, always trying to get Mumbo’s attention with some new, stupid prank.
“Oh, OK,” Gem said, “With the ace and aro stuff is there anything I should know? Like stuff you don’t wanna do or anything?”
“I’ll let you know if it comes up, but if it’s you I think I’m alright,” Pearl said.
“Aw that’s really sweet.” Gem reached out to stroke Pearl’s cheek.
“I take it back, I’m never sweet or nice and don’t you forget it,” Pearl said, ruining the message by leaning forwards again and connecting their lips in a kiss.