Chapter Text
Hen found herself smiling again as she entered the station. She had been feeling more like herself recently and was looking forward to the upcoming shift. She had noticed in recent weeks that whenever she was on shift, she had to motivate herself to get out of bed. And she was becoming more exhausted without much of a reason why. Karen even mentioned to her one night after they had put Denny to bed that she appeared to be exhausted. Hen had initially avoided admitting to her wife that she was struggling since she did not want to add to Karen's workload. But her wife wasn't foolish; she sat her down and forced her to admit she needed help.
After that night of tears, she contacted a therapist Karen had recommended. Emma was a middle-aged Indian woman who could assist them as both a couple's therapist and an individual if necessary. She had worked as a nurse before retraining to work with emergency responders. She was able to schedule an appointment the next day after they had taken Denny to school to begin working on their problems.
Their first session had been difficult; Emma had forced them to admit to several things that had been bothering them in their relationship, things they had never spoken about before. She had also made her rethink her relationship in ways she had never imagined possible. Hen understood that she had tried to keep her family apart from her job, presumably to keep them safe, but by doing so, she was causing herself pain, which was exacerbating her emotional state.
Within an hour, Hen had apologised to Karen once more for all the pain she had caused them, as well as the pain and heartbreak she caused by cheating on her. Emma additionally helped her in opening up about aspects of her past that she had not before discussed with anyone. Even Karen. And she wasn't the only one who had admitted to keeping things bottled up. Karen had expressed her pain and troubles as well.
After that, they hugged and sobbed some more, but they felt stronger. They had left Emma's office feeling lighter than they had ever felt before. When they had returned home, they started work on the homework Emma had assigned them, which was to compose a list of the things they loved about one another, a list of the things they loved about themselves, and another list of things they wanted to improve on. That list was something they needed to collaborate on, and it had been eye-opening.
Hen recognised she had stopped openly communicating with her wife around the time the bombing happened. She'd been so preoccupied with what had happened to her little brother that she hadn't considered what Karen may have gone through after hearing about the attack on the 118. She had merely texted her that she was OK and would be home as soon as possible. She realised now how stupid she had been; she should have called her or simply FaceTime her to show her wife that she was okay.
They had both promised to prioritise their relationship over any work or friendship commitments. Their family had to be the centre of their life, and after only a week of therapy, Denny admitted during one of their family meals that he was happy that they were happy again, causing them both to cry when he ran off to play with his toys before bed.
However, as much as looking back hurt, Hen was relieved that she had taken the necessary steps to recover. But she wasn't the only one struggling. They were all affected, some more than others, but none of them seemed to have emerged unscathed from the past few years. How could they not? They had been through so much that they had barely had time to take a step back and realise they were all trapped in a never-ending spiral of tragedy.
Hen knew Eddie had been struggling the most of anyone on the team. However, no one would notice it based on how he looked. Eddie had maintained his soldier attitude throughout everything, but cracks were beginning to surface. She couldn't blame him for that. Eddie had gone through more than any of them, apart from Buck.
Eddie had relocated to LA with minimal backing from his family, and according to Buck, he had received a lot of pushbacks when they found out he was moving. Sure, he had his grandmother and aunt living in LA, but he couldn't rely on them very much because his aunt worked, and his grandmother was elderly and couldn't care for Christopher full-time.
He then had to deal with all the red tape that comes with being a single father in an unfamiliar city and starting a new job. It was why everyone had attempted to help him as much as they could, but no one had done more than Buck. But then Eddie had to deal with his wife's return and believing that he had a future with her, only to have it shattered when she was killed in the accident. Watching someone he cared about die in front of him must have broken something inside him. They had tried to console him, but Eddie had maintained a calm demeanour throughout. He rarely expressed his emotions to anyone other than Buck.
However, Eddie had rarely taken any time off after his wife's death. She had wanted to ask about it because she was concerned that he hadn't dealt with all his feelings in a healthy way, but she decided against it because she knew Buck would be the first to tell Eddie if he wasn't safe to work. She noticed Eddie relying more on Buck in the days following her death which calmed her a little knowing that Eddie wasn't alone.
Eddie had come to rely so heavily on Buck that she had almost seen him collapse completely after they all had to sit back and watch Buck be injured in the bombing. Eddie must have been devastated to hear his best friend's screams while pinned beneath the engine. But then she realised how Eddie must have loathed himself for not being able to rush in and help his best friend.
Eddie must have had some horrific recollections after seeing his best friend so close to a suicide vest and an IED. He'd never talked about his time in the Army; she had seen other veterans do the same since talking about it always made them feel worse, which is why she had never asked about his silver star. She had also tried to get Chimney to drop the subject whenever he brought it up, but she couldn't stop him from asking altogether. Weeks after the attack, she noticed Eddie was on high alert. Looking around corners, sitting with his back against the wall, and always wanting to know where everyone was. She suspected he was suffering from PTSD and based on how weary he appeared when he arrived at work, he hadn't been sleeping well.
Which only became worse once Buck developed a blood clot right in front of them. But Hen was certain that none of them had slept much since that night. Seeing someone they cared about, who had nearly died not long before, suddenly cough up blood in front of them had left them all traumatised. While they waited in the hospital for an update on Buck, Hen couldn't help but blame herself for not doing more to reduce Buck's risk of blood clots. She should have followed up with Buck after he was initially released from the hospital to ensure that all the dangers associated with Buck's complex injuries were handled.
She later apologised to him for not doing enough to prevent him from developing a blood clot, and for not checking with Buck's doctors to ensure that he was receiving all the necessary medication to prevent the clots from forming. But Buck had told her to quit being ridiculous, that it wasn't her fault, and that everything was being handled. She had no idea what he meant by it, but she trusted him enough not to ask for more information.
She knew Eddie had gone out of his way to help Buck recuperate. Asking him to take Christopher to keep him busy and get him out of his depressive state knowing how much he loved that little boy. But then she noticed after she had watched as Eddie clung to his son after finding out that both his son and Buck had been caught up in the tsunami that the pain of losing his wife followed by everything else had caused cracks in Eddie's carefully made mask was starting to crack. It was then that Hen was sure that he hadn't gotten over Shannon's death, he had simply buried his emotions. Bobby had given him the day off after that so he could spend more time with Christopher and recover from the realisation that he had come dangerously near to losing his son.
And then the lawsuit happened. That came out of nowhere. Eddie had frozen in place after being summoned to the meeting room by the department for questioning. However, when he had returned Hen had been shocked. There was only one emotion in his eyes, and that was anger. Eddie appeared to be ready to kill someone based on his face. His work reflected his rage. He had started to snap at others, not Bobby, Chimney, or her, but everyone else. She had even witnessed him snap at Lena, who had joined their station after being cleared by the department to work again. But she had never taken his crap and had told him to pull himself together or leave. However, Hen understood that Buck's lawyer brought up facts that they wished to keep hidden to prove their point and wasn't the only thing that fuelled his anger. But his reaction to everything he had been through. Thinking back on the case, she understood Eddie's pain.
Buck's lawyer had brought up a lot of things she didn't want to think about again, and she had left hating Buck a little for causing her pain. Karen, however, corrected her after she returned home. She reminded her that Buck's lawyer was not pursuing them but rather proving to the department that Bobby treated Buck differently than them. And looking back, he did. And now Hen wished that she had been more supportive of Buck, telling him that she understood his point of view and that he was right to defend himself.
But it appeared that she was the only one willing to see it. When Buck was allowed to return, she attempted to welcome him back, but Bobby had blocked it. Seeing her younger brother being hurt by someone she held in high regard was upsetting to watch. And the way Eddie acted around him simply showed her how broken everyone was.
And then Buck suddenly left without a word and everything fell apart. Bobby had been silent or would snap at someone for even mentioning Buck's name, Chimney shouting that Buck was acting like a child and needed to be taught a lesson, and Eddie simply went quiet, but Hen could see the cracks that were about to break.
She had planned to give Eddie Emma's phone number or ask her for the business cards of anyone she knew who had worked with veterans so Eddie could get the help he needed. However, before she could one day, Eddie arrived at work a bit later than usual, looking a little lighter. She had no idea what had happened, but he appeared a little better. She had no idea what had happened, but then she received a text from Athena asking her to keep a watch on Eddie but providing no explanation.
She could only suppose that Athena had done something; perhaps she had persuaded him to accept that he needed help. Whatever she had done, Hen had sent her a bottle of wine as a thank-you. She had succeeded where she had previously failed. She'd gotten Eddie the help he needed. And she'd seen him slowly heal from everything he'd been through. But it had taken a lot of work and some major changes to ensure that he continued his healing journey. And one of those was the changes made by the brass at the fire station.
As she took another step into the firehouse, she saw how peaceful the surroundings were. She remembered arriving at the firehouse on the first shift after Bobby's suspension, and the fear and stress she felt as she walked through the shutters to begin her shift. She understood why she felt that way; her old Captain had been a true bully, nearly driving her to quit on her first shift with his harsh and rude comments. However, Bobby had persuaded her to stay, which may explain why she was so ready to defend him, not because he was the first captain to be good to her, but because she was afraid the captain who replaced him would be like Gerrard. And she couldn't go through it again, especially because she was still mending from everything she had been through.
When Athena informed her of Bobby's suspension and that he was being investigated, all she could think about was who would step in as interim captain until Bobby returned or was permanently replaced. And to be honest, she knew Bobby wouldn't be able to walk away from the investigation as cleanly as he had from the lawsuit. And had expressed her concern to Karen after learning about the new suspension. As much as she was concerned about a new captain joining the 118, she would rather have that than the department allowing Chimney to become acting captain again.
Chimney had been appointed interim captain the last time Bobby was suspended, and while she liked him as a friend and he was a talented fireman and paramedic, he was not a good leader. When she remembered how chaotic the fire station was back then, and how they would have gotten by without Buck's meddling and swift actions. And of course, Chimney took full credit for it. Chimney enjoyed the power and prestige that came with being Captain. She had seen him and Maddie brag to anyone who would listen about how Chimney was keeping the station running without Bobby and how it would demonstrate to the Chiefs that he was ready for the next step up the ladder.
Chimney would between calls just lay back on the couch or in Bobby’s office and just put his feet up while he had them do all the work. Hell, he had even altered the chore rota so that it seemed like he was helping but to everyone else, he was just being lazy. And he saw nothing wrong with that. Hell, he'd yell commands from his seat and call it delegation. Chimney refused to change no matter how many times she informed him that merely giving orders was not being a good Captain. And she knew she wasn't the only one who had grown frustrated with Chimney's behaviour. Others at the station had also been discussing how harsh Chimney had been since taking on the temporary Captain's position, and based on what she had overheard, several of them had filed an official complaint with the department.
She hadn't realised how many had done so until Chimney was summoned to headquarters for a meeting with HR. She hadn't filed her complaint against him because she was Chimney's friend. Or she thought she was. When Gerrad had been running the 118, they had clung to each other due to how others treated them. And that closeness had continued throughout. But suddenly, taking a step back (as Karen had encouraged her to do all the time) she saw that Chimney didn’t offer to hang out with her very much now. Everything had to do with Maddie or climbing the ladder inside the department. Nevertheless, she stuck by him.
When Chimney returned from his meeting with the department, he complained loudly enough for everyone to hear. He had been ranting for an hour about how absurd the situation was. He didn't understand how people could say such things about him. Hell, he had even attempted to defend himself and his acts, but the department believed otherwise. She overheard him moaning to Bobby when he returned that the complaints had been added to his record and could not be deleted no matter what Bobby tried.
When she went into the locker room to change, she observed how calm and quiet everything was. It was unusual, but when she exited the locker room, she saw for the first time that all of the other shifts were still up there, laughing and shaking someone's hand before two individuals began to down the stairs towards her. Instead of going upstairs for her usual cup of coffee, she decided to head over to the ambulance and begin her stock check, as she did every shift.
She had no idea when the others would arrive and was astonished to be the first one there. She didn't remember seeing Eddie or Chimney's cars when she parked, so she assumed they hadn't arrived. She had anticipated seeing Chimney strutting around like he owned the place, with Maddie gushing at him, whispering small compliments in his ear or dropping him off some coffee before beginning her shift, only to brag about getting the new captain of the 118 his coffee. And reminded anyone who was there how much he enjoyed coffee so that they would make sure that they had one brewed for him.
As the two people approached, she recognised one of them as Deputy Chief Muller, and it was his voice that forced her to pause halfway to the ambulance as he called out for her. As she turned to face the two men, she noticed who was with the Chief. Behind him stood a white man in his forties with a clean military-style haircut in his short black hair, and the way he carried himself spoke much about the type of man he was. Hen assumed that the man had been in the armed forces at some point in his life, maintained himself in good shape, and valued himself enough to maintain his appearance. It was then that she saw the man's uniform, which was nicely pressed, identical to Deputy Chief Muller. However, the lines of his trousers and shirt appeared to have been meticulously crafted to perfection. It was then that she noticed his epaulettes. They were the captain's epaulettes. She suddenly realised that Chimney would not be their new captain. This man was.
Deputy Chief Muller introduced him as Captain Jack Ellis, a veteran fireman who had served seven years in Washington before moving to the Los Angeles Fire Department with his family five years ago. And Hen had been correct; Captain Ellis had spent five years in the Air Force. Hen was immediately at ease with the man and knew she wouldn't have any issues with him as her captain. However, she knew Chimney would have a problem with the man once he realised, he had not been passed over as Captain this time.
And she didn't have to wait long for Eddie and Chimney to arrive together; she sensed Chimney's bounce in his step as he entered the station. Believing that he was the new Captain once more. However, Muller abruptly pulled them over to introduce them to Ellis. Chimney shook the man's hand and excused himself to go and change into his uniform. But Hen was certain she saw him take his phone from his pocket, most likely to contact Maddie and moan about not being promoted to Captain and how unjust everything was. Hen, on the other hand, had a terrifying notion about how they would almost certainly blame Buck for Chimney's failure to earn the captain position.
Eddie hadn't reacted much to the news about their new captain, but instead of simply shaking his hand and leaving as Chimney had done, he stood with her and their new captain, making small chat. Eddie had sensed the man's aura, which shouted armed forces at him, and had enquired about him. Not to delve into his past in the same way that Chimney had done with him but in a respectful manner. Ellis laughed and openly revealed to have been in the Air Force and was a former fighter pilot before retiring and joining the fire department. He frankly stated that a bad ejection had caused him a lot of trouble, therefore he had been discharged. Ellis also acknowledged reviewing all of their files to learn about their backgrounds and skills, and he told Eddie that he knew he was a former Army medic, and that if he ever wanted to talk about anything, his door was always open. Hen noticed Eddie stop slightly at that statement, but he nodded and thanked him before leaving for the locker room to change.
That shift had been interesting. Chimney had attempted to take charge of a few calls, but Ellis had put him in place, initially lightly, clearly anticipating that he would have some difficulties taking over a new station. However, by the fourth time Chimney tried, he had disciplined him and assigned him to be the man behind for the rest of the shift until he realised that, as much as he respected and understood that having a new captain and learning how he worked was strange, he was now their Captain and he needed to show him the same respect that he had shown him.
Hen noticed the impact of a new Captain on the station over time. Things went a lot more smoothly, and anything that needed to be replaced was done swiftly. No matter the cost. A new oxygen pump valve for their tanks, at least six of which were on their way out, a replacement belt for the chainsaw that was virtually split in half (Buck had informed Bobby about this before he went, more than once), and much more.
It appeared that Bobby had not bothered to replace anything Buck had told him about, and Ellis had noted how useful it had been to find a complete list of items that needed to be fixed in his office. It had been tucked away in a drawer as if it weren't important. Hen had seen the list and knew it was in Buck's hands, along with what could wait and what needed to be replaced right soon. Throughout the time he had been left behind on calls, he had prepared a list of everything that needed to be replaced as he discovered it, and he had attempted to convey this to Bobby, who had not listened.
The fact that Bobby had not approved new oxygen pump valves scared her. That was an essential piece of equipment, and the fact that so many of them required replacement demonstrated Buck's thoroughness. Ellis stated that the valves had begun to leak and that even the mechanics had missed it, but it could have been fatal for any firefighter if the valve continued to leak during a fire. Hen couldn't believe Bobby would put their lives in danger because he was angry with Buck.
Hen grew to enjoy working for Ellis over time. Which was strange to admit given everything she had gone through. Ellis was a diligent worker who often helped them with chores rather than hiding in his office or sitting down to relax. He had also listened to them when they expressed concerns, and he had been able to upgrade some of the ambulance technology that she had been asking Bobby about but had been told was not within the budget. And she was not the only one who enjoyed working for Ellis. She overheard many of the others complimenting Ellis on how well things were going with their new captain.
The only unhappy person was Chimney. He frequently complained about any new adjustments Ellis had implemented. Moaned about all the tasks he had to do and mumbled about all the comments he was going to make to Buck when he returned for leaving him to do everything. He also attempted to delegate his responsibilities to other firefighters, but this was quickly rejected. Some had even reported it to Ellis, who summoned Chimney to his office.
Eddie had always admired Ellis as a veteran and a father. One of Ellis' children was born with cerebral palsy and was now twenty-two years old, living a full life as a veterinarian in New York. She had overheard Eddie and Ellis discuss some of the treatments and therapies they had attempted with their daughter, as well as if they could help Christopher. He also appeared happy, even if only slightly.
As she changed into her uniform, she sent Karen the authorised holidays that she had just put in the day before and gave her permission to plan their weekend away. On the night of the art gallery, they talked about booking a weekend trip to Florida with Denny to rest and spend time as a family. Karen had chosen a great hotel near the beach with a water park, babysitter services for Denny, and a fantastic spa for them to enjoy. She quickly texted her to check whether the hotel was still available and reserve it before they missed their chance.
She then went upstairs to find that a large portion of their shift had already arrived and was eating breakfast. Ellis' wife was a chef, and the freshly prepared breakfast selections on the counter indicated that she had been baking again. Ellis' wife, Ceyjal, was originally from South Africa and enjoyed experimenting with new flavours in her food. In addition, she attempted to incorporate elements of her culture into American cuisine. They had vetkoek, a deep-fried pastry filled with sausage and egg, as well as droewors and biltong for snacks today. As well as some traditional pastries like croissants and pain au chocolat.
Ceyjal would not constantly cook for them, but when she wanted to introduce new items into her restaurant, she would first test them on her husband's team. Not that they were complaining. In some ways, it was better than Bobby's food with more variety. Without Bobby always taking control of the kitchen, others got a chance to cook for them all. Hen had no idea how much Bobby enjoyed having power over the station until he left, and a new captain was appointed.
Liam, who had worked with them for years, was born to Irish parents and knew how to cook, but he was never allowed to. Ellis had told everyone that if they wanted to cook, they should write their names on a board he had placed on the fridge and make a list of the ingredients they needed to cook the meal. Liam had prepared an excellent slow-cooked lamb stew with fresh soda bread. And he was not the only one. They all took turns cooking for one another, and on days when no one was scheduled to cook, they would either order takeaway or prepare their own meals.
The new rules were working well, except for Chimney, who complained about everything and everyone's cooking. After his fifth complaint, someone told him that if he didn't like the cooking, he could bring his own food. Which he had started doing. However, Hen knew that Chimney hadn't made the food he brought, it was Maddie's cooking and would often want to reheat it while someone else was cooking or using the kitchen. To be honest, Hen didn't understand what his problem was. It was as if he were an older toddler flinging his toys out of his pram because he didn't get his way.
As she reached the bench, Liam who was busy filling up people's coffee cups handed her her coffee cup and she managed to grab one of one of the vetkoek before sitting down at the table to eat. She heard the distinctive sound of Chimney stomping into the station as she took a bite of the amazing food. But no one seemed to notice the behaviour anymore since they had grown accustomed to Chimney arriving in a foul mood. The man was still upset over not being named captain. But Hen didn't care anymore, he could do what he wanted as he seemed to never want to listen to her anymore.
Chimney and Eddie both came up the stairs together ten minutes later; she had seen Eddie come into the parking lot shortly after her and assumed he had been caught up with something as he had stayed in his car for some time after arriving. However, as soon as he reached the top, Eddie grabbed his coffee and sat next to her at the table, bringing out his phone as if he were waiting for a call or something important.
Hen, on the other hand, didn't ask as she had learnt from Emma the importance of respecting boundaries and giving people the opportunity to approach her rather than attempting to intervene and fix matters for others. Karen mentioned that she had a propensity to try to fix others before allowing them the opportunity to work on their own problems. So she promised herself and Karen that she would not try to help her friends unless they asked for it or if they were at risk of hurting themselves by not taking action.
Hen observed closely as Chimney stomped into the kitchen, muttering something under his breath, while the others gave him a wide berth. They had all heard about Maddie's arrest at Buck's old flat, which he had rented out to another firefighter. Hell, Chimney had initially called her to ask for her help in getting Maddie out of jail or asked about borrowing money from a better lawyer. She had told him that she couldn't help him, which he didn't take well. Karen was the one who took her phone and ended the call after hearing Chimney rant and rave about what had happened.
Chimney told her that Buck hadn't broken his rent but had instead rented out his flat without Maddie's approval, which apparently, she thought she had the right to control because she was his sister. But thinking over everything, Hen kicked herself for thinking that Buck was simply renting his apartment, she hadn’t even asked him if he had brought it or rented it. And if Buck was openly renting his apartment to another firefighter without the worry of getting told off for subletting, then he must have owned it outright. It kind of made sense now that Buck would remain in a place that he had gotten while he was still dating Ali even after they had broken up.
But, outside of the station, she couldn't say much about what Buck did on his days off or what he did before arriving in Los Angeles. Sure, he'd mentioned having odd jobs in the past and dropping out of college when he was younger, but most of what she knew came from Maddie rather than Buck and she certainly couldn't believe what Maddie said about him after everything she had done. However, she couldn't fully blame Maddie or Buck for not getting to know him better; Hen knew that she could have tried harder to become a better friend.
But knowing that Buck was renting out his flat gave her some optimism that he wasn't completely done with LA. If he decided to leave Los Angeles, he could have easily placed his flat up for sale and sold it for a decent amount. But he had not. Instead, he rented it to another firefighter Hen knew was seeking somewhere to live. She'd met Kyle on a couple of calls but hadn't chatted with him much. That was generally Buck's responsibility. The kid loved to talk to other firefighters and had heard that Kyle was looking for a place to live. She was very proud of him for doing that, but she secretly hoped that because he hadn't sold the property, he would return, and she could concentrate on begging for his forgiveness. But she knew she couldn't make Buck forgive her and would understand if he never spoke to her again. But she wanted to be able to ask for his forgiveness.
“What’s the matter with you?” Hen asked as Chimney flopped himself down in the chair next to them with his own cup of coffee. Hen knew that Chimney had been busy working on Maddie’s up-and-coming court case trying to get her off the chargers. However, Hen knew that with all the evidence that the police had on her, she was unlikely to get off even with Chimney believing that he could get her off.
Hen knew deep down that if Maddie admitted what she had done and apologised, she may get a reduced sentence, but according to Athena, Maddie would not accept responsibility for her acts. Which was only making matters worse. Maddie had assaulted a police officer, which was terrible enough, but because she was a former nurse and 911 operator, she was held to a higher standard than the average person. However, Maddie believed that because she was held to a higher standard, she could do whatever she pleased.
Karen described Maddie best. She had called her an outgrown selfish child who was upset because she couldn't get her way. She also claimed that Maddie believed she had authority over her younger brother just because she was older. Karen pulled her aside once and asked if Buck had told her what it was like growing up with Maddie. She had previously dismissed Karen's questions, but now she loathed herself for failing to understand Karen's line of questioning. She had been asking if she ever thought Maddie had ever abused Buck, and she had dismissed it.
Knowing what she understood now about Maddie's obvious control issues and entitlement, she would have questioned it as well. Maddie attempted to report Buck missing or have him declared incompetent to get greater control over his life only proved that. Hell, she believed she had the right to control what Buck did with his home. Buck was better off without her in his life, and she could only hope that Buck would stay away from the witch of a woman.
"Nothing," Chimney murmured as he flipped through his phone.
"Ok…" Hen said, not wanting Chimney to believe that she wanted him to tell her more because she didn't care. If Chimney wanted to defend the woman, he could do so alone. She had noticed on his phone screen that he was switching from texting Maddie to emailing the lawyer he had hired for her case.
"Everybody, can I have your attention?" Captain Ellis' voice broke the silence, causing everyone to gaze in his direction. Ellis nodded to everyone and gave them a warm smile as he often did. The man had been a breath of fresh air in the station, doing so much to help them that everyone liked having him as captain, except for Chimney.
"What does he want now?" Chimney murmured under his breath, putting his phone on the table with a huff.
"Chimney enough," Hen mumbled, not looking at him.
"I'm just saying he's acting like he's in charge," Chimney countered, scoffing and shaking his head as he folded his arms and leaned back in his chair as if he didn't care.
"That's because he is," Hen replied quietly, trying not to draw attention to them as the room fell silent.
"Only until Bobby comes back," Chimney murmured before turning to face their Captain, who was busy summoning the others who had just arrived to come upstairs for his announcement.
Hen sighed and closed her eyes briefly. As much as she liked Bobby as a person (something she had recently questioned), in retrospect he wasn't the best Captain in the world. She knew Bobby was an accomplished firefighter, but as a Captain, he wasn't the right fit. Bobby seemed to prefer to work with people he considered friends or those he could shape into anything he desired. And he had a clear problem with people who didn't fit in with his vision or argued back against his changes.
What happened to Sal Deluca should have raised a red flag for everyone, but she didn't want to lose a Captain who had stood up for her. Sal may have disobeyed orders, but he did it to save a life. Sure, he defied Bobby's orders, but he used all of his expertise to save that life and escape safely. But Bobby hadn't cared, instead of disciplining him or bringing him to his office for a professional discussion, Bobby had simply fired him.
That should have been a red flag to them all; Bobby had just fired Sal for not only disobeying his orders but also defending his actions. Sure, Gerrad was the worst type of captain, but he always let them do their jobs. Sal even fought with Chimney about why Bobby believed he had the authority to modify things simply because it wasn't his way. Bobby subsequently revealed to her that he had spoken with the Chief to suspend Sal rather than fire him and then place him in another station. However, throughout the lawsuit, she had learnt from station gossip that Sal had finally admitted the truth of what had happened.
Buck wasn't the first person who threatened to sue the department because of Bobby. Sal had gone to the department and the union immediately after Bobby fired him and threatened to sue if they did not intervene, as Bobby could not simply terminate him without a history of disciplinary action. It was how he was able to reclaim his job so swiftly; he had not been suspended, but rather given paid leave until a position became available at another firehouse.
Back then, she hadn't given it much thought. Sal had not been as cruel to her as some of the older 118, but he also did not defend her. Maybe that's why she didn't object to Bobby's conduct at the time. Same with Tommy's departure. Neither of them had made her life easier or better, so she didn't care. However, those red flags should have aroused some suspicions in her, as should the fact that Bobby had essentially cleaned house with all of the former personnel, except a few who decided to stay or over whom Bobby had no control. Hen had assumed that many of them disliked the shift and wanted to move on, but now she wonders whether it was due to Bobby's pushy, no-holds-barred approach.
Then there was the relationship between Bobby and Buck. It wasn't until Buck had left that she and Karen had talked about it, that she realised the connection would have been healthy for both of them if they didn't work together. Bobby had lost his family and had felt a connection grow with Buck, who had come to them broken from his own family problems. And Buck seemed to enjoy having a father role in his life. Bobby had been the one to teach Buck how to cook, which the young man had never learnt before. He had always been eager to offer Buck any counsel or care he needed.
However, there should have been a line between them when it came to work. In their line of business, there had to be a distinction between Captains and their crew. And, while the lines for everyone near Bobby were a touch wavy, none of them were as blurry as the lines between Buck and Bobby. Those lines had been blurred for quite some time, which could be the source of the problem. Bobby had taken on that fatherly role over Buck so much that couldn't separate it anymore.
Sure, Buck enjoyed his fatherly relationship with Bobby, but it was ultimately detrimental to both of them. Bobby had attempted to protect Buck from harm and thereby prevented him from working, which he had no right to do. He couldn't tell the difference between Buck the kid he loved as his own and Buck the well-trained and experienced firefighter.
That was the problem; nevertheless, Captain Ellis had no trouble separating his emotions from his people. Sure, the man cared for them, but he always maintained a professional demeanour around them. He respected and engaged with them, but he always maintained a gap that Hen respected and understood. He had to remain in charge, and a good leader understood the importance of remaining professional in their field. Just as it should have been with Bobby.
Hen was brought back into the room as Captain Ellis indicated for a man she had not spotted to step forward. The man appeared young, but she could tell he only had a baby face and was an experienced firefighter. He was tall, slightly taller than Buck, but not by much, with pale skin and ginger thick hair. His arms were covered in tattoos that, from where she sat, appeared to be religious; she could see a cross on his forearm and could only assume that the rest of his tattoos included spiritual artwork.
"I'd like you all to meet our new firefighter, Declan O'Brien who is joining us," Captain Ellis remarked, smiling and nodding to the man.
Hen was surprised that Ellis had brought a new firefighter into the station; he hadn't changed anything inside the station other than acquiring the necessary equipment. Sure, they were still one firefighter short because many of the replacements sent in could only cover a few shifts with them before returning to their own station. However, she felt that the station wasn't complete without Buck. But, in practice, she recognised that working with a firefighter down was not good for the crew in the long term. They needed another firefighter, but it seemed like they were replacing Buck.
She was aware that Buck might never return to them and entirely accepted him if he chose not to, but bringing in another firefighter felt like they were forgetting about him. She knew Buck had felt this way while recovering, which was one of the reasons he filed a lawsuit against the station. However, Buck left of his own volition this time, so she hoped that if he ever discovered that they had brought in another person, he would not believe they were replacing him again.
"Declan has just qualified as a heavy rescue firefighter and has worked for the LAFD for six years after retiring from the US Marines." Ellis began to explain, and Hen realised from that sentence that he would most likely be assigned as Eddie's new partner.
She felt herself stiffen slightly and turned to see Eddie's reaction, hoping that he handled the news better than Buck did when Eddie first introduced to them. What startled her was Eddie's apparent lack of concern.
"He will be working alongside you Eddie as your new partner if that is ok?" Ellis enquired, turning his attention to Eddie this time.
Hen watched Eddie process the news, but it appears that Eddie didn't care that he was receiving a new partner, as he had expected one to be brought in with Buck's departure without a return date set. Hen only thought that because the man was ex-force, Eddie might be able to work well with him.
"Ok," Eddie replied, nodding his head.
"Good, I'll let you two introduce yourselves, but Deputy Chief Muller has just arrived and would like to speak with you all," Captain Ellis stated, and at that moment, everyone heard a car pull up in front of the station. Hen could only assume that the car was Muller's on his way to meet with them.
"Why is he here?" Chimney mumbled fiercely as if he was upset that the Chief had come to talk to them without knowing what he wanted. Bobby normally interfered with the brass and them, which could explain why Chimney believed he was untouchable. However, she didn't want to lose another firefighter and wanted to advise Chimney to keep his mouth shut if he knew what was best for him.
However, Declan had already approached them before Hen could tell him that. He appeared anxious, but Hen could tell the man was confident in his abilities. She knew what it was like to move to a new station where she knew no one. Declan must be concerned about how he would fit in, but Ellis had informed them that he was an experienced firefighter who wanted to learn more because he had recently received his qualification.
"Eddie, right?" Declan enquired; his gaze fixed on Eddie.
"Yer, nice to meet you," Eddie replied, extending his hand for Declan to shake, which he did with a warm smile.
"After this meeting, do you mind walking through where all of the equipment is stored in the vehicle?" Declan smiled as he questioned, "I know some stations do things differently."
Hen knew Declan was right; she remembered Buck moaning once about how all of the equipment they carried for big rescues wasn't put back the way he liked it when he returned from a holiday. Buck had his own system, and one shift he explained to Hen that the way the LAFD had their kits lined up was completely incorrect and that the way he arranged it up allowed him to get the equipment out faster without having to go through bags and boxes for what he needed. Buck's method of organising the vehicle appears to have caught on, as she has observed numerous heavy rescue teams begin sorting their kit in the same fashion.
She had questioned Buck as to why nothing had been done about it; if it troubled him so much and made more sense, shouldn't the department modify things? Buck simply shrugged his shoulders and stated that he had brought it up with them and had even filed a complaint with Bobby for the training school, but nothing had been done about it.
Hen got an odd feeling that Buck's report had not been disregarded, but rather never sent. And if Bobby had hidden the report for whatever reason, it would have made sense why Buck's ideas hadn't been addressed. She couldn't think of a decent reason for him to do that, but she couldn't help but wonder if he had done anything similar before to Buck. Had he tried to improve things only for Bobby to stop him?
"Sure," Eddie answered, nodding and motioning Declan to take the unoccupied seat next to him.
"Thanks," Declan said, lowering himself into the seat and directing his gaze to the Chief, who had just arrived at the top of the stairs.
However, before they all stood to attention, Muller waived them off before turning to face them all. "Sorry for interrupting your morning but I have a few announcements for you all that couldn't wait." Muller began, and Hen couldn't help but feel the hairs on her arms stand up. Something had happened, and Muller appeared to be upset with them or something in general. She only prayed that whatever had happened was not too horrible.
"First…" Muller began again as he wiped his throat, "I wanted to congratulate you Declan on your certificates and achievement of the third-highest score in the academy's records." At his words, everyone clapped in applause.
Hen found that comment peculiar; she was aware that most academies kept records of the top scores on some of the courses, and she understood that if Declan had beaten the third highest, he must have impressed everyone. But it did raise a question: who were the other two highest scorers?
Muller then returned his attention to the room of firefighters in front of him, but this is when Hen saw something. It wasn't the actual reason he'd come to meet with them. "I would like to also take this opportunity to inform Mr O'Brien that his position here at the 118 will become a permanent one following Firefighter Buckley's resignation from the department."
The room went silent.
Hen couldn't believe what she'd just heard, but she wasn't entirely surprised. They hurt Buck so badly that perhaps stepping away from everything had told him that he needed to leave for his own peace of mind. And she held him in high regard for it. She never wanted to hurt Buck, but she knew she had. Thinking about the old 118 reminded her that she was no better than Sal and Tommy. She'd seen Buck get hurt and done nothing about it.
"What?" Hen heard Eddie mumble, and as she turned, she saw the sadness and pain written all over his face. It was evident to her that Eddie had not expected this to happen.
She was aware that Eddie and Buck's friendship may have progressed beyond the level of best friends. Eddie relied heavily on Buck, and they operated more like partners in a family context than just friends. However, when asked if they were dating or in a relationship, they consistently denied it. But Hen was aware of a few instances in which others had commented on how cute their family was whenever they were spotted with Christopher. And they didn't always correct them.
But after the lawsuit, their relationship had been seriously damaged and Eddie had hung onto that grief; if she was honest with herself, Eddie was barely acknowledging Buck's presence at all. He simply pretended Buck didn't exist in his life anymore. That what they had meant nothing to him anymore.
Eddie clearly understood from the assistance he was receiving that, while his emotions were justified, he couldn't direct all of his rage at someone who had done so much to him. She had overheard Eddie telling someone on the phone one day that he had wanted to talk to Buck and explain why he had acted the way he had, but that was now impossible until Buck contacted them.
"He can't do that!" Chimney snapped, grabbing his phone as if he wanted to rush out and call Maddie to tell her what Buck had done.
Hen, on the other hand, was more concerned about Eddie than about Chimney's opinion. She had come to realise that if Buck wanted to speak with her, she would always leave the door open, but with Eddie, she was concerned that the news would simply shatter him.
"Look, I know this is a shock," Ellis stated loudly, and Hen noted that others had begun to discuss the news in quiet talks. Many of them expected Buck to come back and were as surprised as they were when he didn't. "But we all need to respect Firefighter Buckley's decision."
"Captain Ellis is correct," Muller remarked, slightly increasing his voice. "Firefighter Buckley has every right to resign from the department if that is his wish." He added.
But before anybody else could comment, Muller cleared his throat slightly, "However, the true reason I've come to speak to you is that it has come to my knowledge that there have been a few incidents here that have previously gone unresolved. I am here to make it plain that any bullying and abuse will not be allowed in this department. If I learn of any abuse or bullying directed towards Buckley or another firefighter, those involved will be reprimanded accordingly."
The whole room fell silent once more.
Hen suddenly realised why Muller had structured his remarks the way he had. There was a good chance that Buck had mentioned the bullying that he had suffered in his resignation or the gossip about his treatment must have finally reached the higher-ups. Chimney shifted slightly in his seat in response to that comment, and she could tell he was nervous. He was concerned that Buck had told the department about his involvement in the bullying.
"Maddie is going to kill him," Chimney said quietly that Hen had almost missed it.
"If anyone is struggling with bullying or would like to talk to someone then please reach out to Captain Ellis or our HR department," Muller concluded nodding towards Ellis, who was standing silently behind the Chief. Muller nodded to them with a final sigh, "That is all, have a safe shift and be careful out there."
After a brief exchange between Ellis and Muller, Muller immediately left the station. However, in the loft, no one really moved from their places, they were all so shocked by Buck's departure that they didn't know how to handle the news. To her, losing Buck felt like losing a part of her family, and she knew she wasn't alone. The fact that there was no way to contact him added to the gravity of the issue. It was as if Buck had died, and they would never see him again. In some ways, she'd only be able to see him again if he reached out.
"Look…" Ellis' voice called out, directing their focus back to him. "I understand this is a shock, and if you need a few minutes to collect your thoughts, take your time. If you believe you are unable to continue with the shift, then please let me know." Ellis stated.
However, after a few minutes of silence, he continued. "Eddie if you are ok to show Declan around when you are ready?"
Eddie nodded but did not speak. Eddie was struggling with the news of Buck's departure but like normal, Eddie didn't want to admit that he was finding it hard to control his emotions. Eddie closed his eyes for a brief minute and attempted to calm his breathing. Hen had begun to worry that he was about to suffer a panic attack, but he then opened his eyes. However, Hen could see the agony in his eyes. He appeared broken.
"Okay, now when you're ready, complete your chores. I'll be in my office, but my door is always open if anyone wants to talk," Ellis said before turning and walking to his office.
Most of the others left after a few minutes to either converse privately or do their own duties. However, Hen had not moved, nor had Eddie, Declan, or Chimney. They appeared to be frozen in place in their chairs. Declan, she believed, had just stayed for Eddie. But when she glanced at him, she realised he must have picked up something she had overlooked. Declan, as a veteran like Eddie, must have observed something she had overlooked with Eddie and was concerned about it, judging by the look on his face.
"I can't believe him, how dare he?" Chimney exploded. "I'm phoning Maddie; she has to know this. She needs to make him fix this!" And with that, he shot up, grabbed his phone, and stormed away. Hen truly wanted to stop him and tell him that Maddie couldn't make Buck do anything, but she realised she was wasting her breath. Chimney wouldn't listen to her; it was as if he believed Maddie could fix everything related to Buck. As if she had control over him.
However, given what had happened recently, it was evident to everyone was aware of the situation that Maddie believed she was entitled to control all that rightfully belonged to Buck. His apartment, his money, his livelihood and every decision that he was free to make. However, Hen couldn't help but smile at the image on Maddie's face when she found out Buck had left her and found herself chuckling a little at the thought of her attempting to track down Buck to force him to do what she wanted. But Hen had a suspicion that Buck had put measures in place to ensure that she couldn't find him. And she knew Athena wouldn't help her.
They had met for coffee a few days after Buck left and talked a lot. Mostly about Buck. They talked for a long time about what they could have done better, but it was pointless because they couldn't undo the past. However, it was made obvious during the conversation that Athena was not going to go looking for Buck. Not for Maddie or for herself. She had stated that she had to respect Buck's decision to leave and that as much as it grieved her to think of him out there alone with no support, she had to respect him enough to leave him alone if that was what he wanted. She was not going to impose herself on him and make him hate her more.
"Who's Maddie?" Declan enquired innocently.
Hen groaned and, to be honest, understood Declan's curiosity about the whole thing. "Buck's sister," Hen explained, rubbing her hand over her face. She didn't want to bring Declan into an issue he wasn't a part of because, to be honest, dragging anyone into their mess wouldn't be good for them.
"Wow," Declan replied, shaking his head. "He made it sound like she was his mother or something," Declan responded with a shrug.
"She tries to act like she is sometimes," Eddie murmured.
They became silent once more; Hen had not expected Eddie to openly declare that he had observed Maddie try to act like Buck's mother rather than his older sister. She had taken over Buck's recovery following the blast, without a second thought. Like she had every right to. Hen knew Buck had listed Bobby and Eddie on his medical records as his next of kin and power of attorney, but Maddie had taken control over everything, declaring that as Buck's sister, she had the right to control what happened to her brother. Maddie had demanded that any decisions regarding Buck's health go through her first.
Even the ones that Buck made himself. She had overheard one of the nurses gossiping about a fight that had supposedly occurred between Maddie and Buck one day while he was still admitted after the bombing. It had something to do with Buck making decisions for himself that Maddie had disagreed with. According to what they said, it had gotten so loud that security had to be summoned, and Maddie had been asked to leave. The nurses were perplexed by the whole situation because the dispute had been over physiotherapy and how Buck had requested to begin earlier than scheduled, as well as confirmation that he may utilise his own physio to help him train more for his line of work. Buck's doctors had approved it after hearing the name of the physio and were happy with Buck's ideas and had authorised his new recovery plan.
That was what made Maddie so upset; she didn't want him to start physio until she believed that he was completely healed, which was silly because staying inactive would have delayed his recovery. Maddie, as a nurse, knew that. But she did not care. She had demanded that the doctor cancel Buck's physio appointment and force him to abandon his plans. But stupidly she had done so right in front of Buck who had told her to knock it off and to leave. Buck had made it clear that day that she had no control over what his recovery looked like and had even told his doctor that he wanted to block any access to his medical records that Maddie may have.
Sadly, however, that hadn’t stopped an ER doctor from mentioning that overworking or training too much could have been the cause of his blood clot which had basically been the whole start of the lawsuit. She hadn’t heard much about what had happened to that doctor but Karen who had a friend in the hospital admin had mentioned that he had been disciplined for speaking to someone without the patient’s consent and had been made to take some training to stop it happening again.
"You know, all of my instructors on the heavy rescue courses talk about Buckley," Declan stated casually. However, his remark piqued her interest, as did Eddie's astonished expression. "It was always Buckley this and Buckley that; they made him seem like a legend. He holds the top place, and no one has come close to surpassing it." Declan explained with a laugh as if he couldn't believe he'd met folks who were said to be heavy rescue legends.
"What? That is not possible..." Eddie began to speak but suddenly stopped like he couldn’t finish his own sentence.
Buck was an experienced firefighter and one of the best heavy rescue firefighters she'd ever worked with. But Declan's claim that he was the best in the department's history was shocking. Bobby had never boasted about it to them, as he had done with Eddie when he first joined the station; he had introduced Eddie as a veteran with a silver star. She had seen Eddie cringe at the comment but had failed to correct it. But Bobby loved to brag about how he had stolen Eddie from another house and how fortunate Eddie had consented to join them as if he was superior to all other firefighters.
She was aware that a few of the others had not taken it well; Bobby seemed to like showing Eddie off. Which was stupid now that she knew that Buck held more qualifications than Eddie. But back then, Buck hadn't corrected Bobby. Then again, that was the type of person Buck was, he was not one to talk about his own accomplishments. Buck despised calling attention to himself and preferred it when others took the spotlight; but, demonstrating that he had the necessary training to complete his job could have stopped Bobby from questioning Buck's ideas or actions.
"It is," Declan remarked, shrugging his shoulders and continuing. "One of the instructors said he was the best heavy rescue firefighter they had ever worked with, and the class after he left was radically transformed by Buckley's ideas. One of them stated that his ideas had saved many lives," Declan explained.
"Really?" Hen enquired, still a little stunned. Declan clearly understood more about Buck than she did, despite having known him for more than three years.
"Yer, one of my instructors on the rope rescue said he had known him for years and that if I ever got to work with Bomber then I would learn a lot." Declan swiftly continued, "He said that Bomber, or Buck as you call him, was someone you always wanted on your back, and the man was a former Navy Seal who lost his leg in an ambush. So, you know when he says he has your back, you can believe him without hesitation."
As Declan finished, Hen became increasingly unsure whether she genuinely knew who Buck was. She was aware that, despite his Army training, Eddie lacked certain qualifications because he was unable to attend the training weeks.
"They called him Bomber?" Eddie asked a little shaken. To Hen, the name appeared to have triggered a memory that Eddie was not prepared for. As if he'd heard it somewhere before but the memory surrounding it was not a nice one.
"I'm not sure where that came from, like. Some called him Bomber, while others called him Buckley or Buck. But they were all discussing the same guy." Declan explained, then rose to his feet as if he was finished with the chat, or perhaps he knew he had revealed too much. "I'm going to grab a drink, you want one?" Declan questioned Eddie.
Eddie murmured, "No, I'm fine," as Declan nodded and walked away to get a drink from the fridge.
As he walked away, Hen's gaze fell on Eddie, who remained silent, his face hard and emotionless. It was as if he was struggling to pull himself together; his breathing was almost rhythmic as if he was concentrating too hard on his breathing to keep it normal.
"Are you ok?" Hen asked quietly. She didn't want to compel Eddie to talk, but she was concerned that he had experienced so many emotions in such a short period of time.
Eddie's voice seemed empty to her. "Yer…fine."
"Eddie…" Hen began to say something, but Eddie's hard look stopped her in her tracks.
"What do you want me to say Hen?" Eddie snapped. "My best friend is gone for good and now I have to work out how to tell my son that he isn't coming back, and it is all my fault," Eddie added, forcing himself to his feet as Declan began to return towards them.
"Eddie, you know that's not true," Hen explained, but she didn't believe her own words. They'd all hurt Buck, so Eddie carrying all the burden on himself was wrong.
"Yes, it is Hen; we all hurt him, and now he's gone. We have to accept it," Eddie stated firmly as if pushing himself to say what he had been thinking.
But before Hen could continue to protest, Eddie interrupted, "No, Hen. We blamed him for our own mistakes because it was easier than admitting that we are not perfect." Eddie turned to see Declan looking uneasy as he approached them and interrupted a conversation in which he was not a participant.
"Ready to go?" Eddie requested before proceeding to the stairs, and Declan simply followed him.
"Eddie…" Hen cried out, leading Eddie to stop at the top of the steps and turn to face her. "I'm here if you need to talk," she added softly.
Eddie paused a little before nodding, and Hen saw the pain of what had just transpired flash briefly in his eyes before his mask covered them again. And then he walked Declan down to the floor to show him where all their equipment was stored and maintained, leaving Hen alone.
She sighed and leaned back in her chair; everything was such a mess. She could feel the sadness in Muller's voice as he announced Buckley's resignation and understood that losing Buck would hurt not only the 118 but the entire department, and according to Declan, Buck was a valuable member of the LAFD. Muller was clearly unhappy at losing Buck, but he respected him enough not to refuse his departure.
The 118 wouldn't be the same without Buck's presence, and a great hole in her life would never be filled, but Hen was also proud of Buck for standing up for himself. He had found a new place for himself in the world; she wished it was with them in Los Angeles, but she recognised that there was simply too much hurt for him here. She prayed that wherever he was, he was safe and building a better life for himself.