Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Buck parked his car in front of his building and turned off the engine. Only then did he attempt to relax his body. But his body despised him. Every muscle in his body pressed against his skin as if it were the only thing keeping him together. And it was correct. He wanted to cry, to tear down the barriers he had erected inside his mind, and let it all out, to cry until he couldn't any longer. It was what his body required and what he desired. But he understood he couldn't. He couldn't let his emotions completely control his body because he'd never be able to control them again. He needed to be strong, both for himself and for those who still cared about him.

He needed to keep his emotions under lock and key. It was the only way he could survive. It was also the reason he had lived this long. He had become an expert at storing his pain for later, but when that day would come was anyone's guess. Even after relocating to Los Angeles, he told himself that enough was enough and that this time he would face his pain head-on. He refused to add to the weight he was already carrying. He needed to be better. But he'd failed at it. Instead, he simply added to the pile. And now he was paying the price. He'd had enough of it. He couldn't go on like this.

After he’d dropped the lawsuit, he had hoped that everything would go back to normal. He had shown the chiefs that he was ready to go back, and that was his goal. But it hadn't, and to be honest with himself, he wished he had just taken the money now. Everyone hated him. He was now the station’s new scapegoat and their verbal punching bag. The place he thought of as his new home with his new family was now the reason for his pain. It didn't matter what he did to try and apologize to them—take all the extra shifts that no one wanted to do, do the tasks that everyone hated, cook and clean—it didn’t matter. They wouldn’t forgive him.

What made it even worse was that he was trapped in the station; Bobby, even though he was cleared for full duties, refused to take him off light duties. So that meant he was made responsible for everyone else's responsibilities around the station. All the chores were now his. It wasn’t like he had something else to do, but as time went on, he felt more like a cleaner than a firefighter. Some at the station had even made it their personal mission to do everything possible to make his life a living hell. They'd spill their drinks or leave leftover food on the floor because they didn't want him to clean it up, leave spare equipment out, throw trash at the bin rather than in it, and then make him clean it up. They even made fun of him for messing up his cleaning in front of everyone; it wasn’t like anyone would stand up for him. He had no friends left. And so, he was on his own.

After the first four weeks of this, he gave up apologising to them. By now, he knew that no matter what he did, he was never going to get them to forgive him. He had never intended to hurt them when he started the lawsuit. But at the same time, what else could he have done? He loved being a firefighter, and he was always told that if he loved something, he had to fight for it.

He knew that when he started the lawsuit, there was a possibility that things that they had done would come out. Bobby had let a lot of things slide that the others had done over the years, and he had done a lot as well, but they were all public knowledge, and unless someone looked at the personal file, no one would know that they went without punishment. But Mr Mackey had brought it all to light to the Chiefs. Everything that Bobby had tried to keep buried was brought up once again, which only made the whole situation worse. It proved his point, but in turn, he had lost the people he had been fighting for. They took Mr. Mackey's bringing up the past as him telling him everything. He had tried to tell them that he hadn’t told him anything, but it didn’t matter. He had to be the one who betrayed them since he was suing them.

It shocked him that the people he once saw as family now acted like he was a stranger to them. He had done some stupid things in the past, but they had always forgiven him; this time, they had turned their backs on him, acting like he didn’t exist.

People abandoning him was starting to become a recurring theme in his life. Everyone he cared about always found a way to leave. Perhaps it was his fault, maybe he drove them away, but right now it doesn’t matter. It had happened again, and he just had to find a way to move on. He couldn’t change the past.

He needed to leave and maybe never return. It was a running theme in his life; after his previous life imploded, he felt the need to leave. To travel. And that was what he had done. He had travelled as much as possible, moving from state to state and never staying in one place for too long. This was the reason why he ended up in LA; he had just seen the road sign for Los Angeles and thought, why not?

At first, he just saw LA as another big vacation—somewhere that he would stay for a few months before leaving. But everything changed when he got his first taste of working a rescue. He had just left a shop when he witnessed a car slam into two parked cars on the opposite side of the road. It was an elderly gentleman who had lost control after a dizzy spell. He later discovered that the man was a type 1 diabetic. Fortunately, the man was not seriously injured, with only a few cuts to his head and arms where the window had smashed and some bruising from his seatbelt. His car, on the other hand, had been a total loss. The driver's side door was crushed and wouldn't budge, but that didn't stop him from climbing through the back window and sitting behind the man to examine him. He had some first aid training—not enough to be considered a medic, but close. He knew that climbing into a crashed car wasn't the best idea, but he couldn't just sit back and watch the old man panic. So, he just sat with him and talked about whatever he wanted to—his wife, his old job, everything. And he continued to talk to him as the firefighters worked around them.

As the paramedics set off with the old man in the back of the ambulance, the fire captain came over to thank him for his assistance. He had wanted to leave, but since he witnessed the whole thing, he needed to give a statement. The one thing that the captain had said to him that stuck in his head was that he asked him if he had ever thought of joining the fire service.

It was that question that had made him really think about settling in LA for a while. He could only travel like this for so long before he needed to figure out what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. He knew that he wanted to help people, and the LAFD did that. It only took him one night to figure out that being a firefighter was what he wanted to do. And the next day, he went to the LAFD and filled out the application. In that moment, he knew that he had done the right thing. After training, he was sent straight to Firehouse 118, and he thought that for the first time in a long time, he had found somewhere he belonged.

However, he repeatedly warned himself when he first started not to become too attached to his new team, but no matter what he did, it happened. He had seen his previous team as his family, and when he lost them, it had broken him. So, this time, he promised himself that he wouldn’t face that pain again. He was only there to do a job and go home. But he had broken that promise to himself. He had tried, he had to keep the interactions with the crew as strictly professional as possible, but within a few months, he saw them as more than just work friends. He saw them as family. They had slowly crept into more and more of his life until they were basically his family. However, he didn’t fight them either. He missed having a family, and if he thought hard about it, he knew that it was more than likely due to his childhood. They were also the reason he had chosen to stay in Los Angeles for so long.

Being a firefighter had saved his life. He found it extremely rewarding to be able to save and assist others. He adored not only the role he was given but also the family that came with it. He grew to enjoy his job more and more as time passed. Becoming a firefighter had provided him with the fresh start he had been seeking. Time had flown by so quickly that he was taken aback when he realised how long it had been since he had joined the 118. They had kept him grounded. He couldn't imagine doing anything else; if he could just stay with the LAFD until he retired, he'd have had a good life.

Then everything changed. He had witnessed and experienced explosions before, but nothing like this. Within seconds, his entire life had been turned upside down. He never once blamed Bobby for what happened to him after it was revealed that he had been the target of the bomber. But the whole incident had taken its toll on him. The mixture of reliving things he wished he could forget, the pain of his injury, and the fear of losing everything, nearly broke him. To him, being a firefighter meant everything. And if his injury meant he'd lose it, what was the point of living? He would be stripped of his identity.

The moment he woke up in the hospital bed, he pressured the doctors into telling him the truth, not that it was anything good to start with. All they would tell him was that he needed to prepare for the possibility that he would never be able to work as a firefighter again. He would never be able to do any active sports or activities, and he needed to look for a lower-impact life. But he refused to listen. He couldn't imagine doing anything else, and he couldn’t imagine him in an office job. It would drive him crazy. He hadn't given up hope but being told by doctor after doctor that he was no longer fit to be a firefighter had taken its toll. But then he decided that he was going to prove every single doctor wrong. He intended to fight, and he did.

He'd hit a few setbacks along the way, some more severe than others, but he hadn't let them stop him. He had attended all his doctor's appointments, and his rehab sessions (both with his friend and with the hospital physio), and had even attended all his departmental shrink appointments, which were a barrel of laughs. But he had passed them all. The surgeon had even said that his case had made his career because of how well he had been healing. Even after the pulmonary embolism, which they determined had been caused by the pins that they had used to hold his shattered bones back together as they healed, his goal hadn’t changed. Nobody, not even the doctors, had predicted this. After attending one of his appointments, his friend, who had taken over as his full-time physiotherapist, took his throwing a clot personally. Even after the doctors worked out that it had been the hardware in his leg that had caused it, he still blamed himself. Everyone had suspected at first that he was pushing too hard and trying to recover too fast. However, it turned out, it didn't matter what he did; he would have thrown a clot no matter what.

Because of the clot, doctors had to start him on blood thinners to prevent and dissolve any remaining clots. He had worried at the time that this would have set his recovery back, but the doctors had assured them that there was nothing to worry about and his return to work was still on course, he just had to take a few extra precautions. However, he didn’t believe it until the plan had been approved by the chiefs, who gave the go-ahead for his full return to active duty. They had even ordered a few extra boxes of skin glue so any wounds that he suffered could be sealed, and he had been instructed to always keep a bottle on him. And so, he relaxed a little, knowing that he was safe.

Or at least, that was what he thought. On the first shift, he was eager to get back into the swing of things, only to discover that the closest he'd ever come to fighting fires was in the station's kitchen after everyone else had gone. Despite being cleared to return, he was assigned to light duties. At first, he assumed it had something to do with the paperwork he had just received from his doctors or that the chief wanted him back on a phrase return before returning to full active service. It hadn’t taken him long to figure out who it was. And that broke him even further; it was a bitter pill to swallow when he discovered that the one man, he trusted was the reason he couldn't work. He had been cleared by his doctors, the academy, and the Chief, but it wasn't enough for him. Instead, he had deceived him. It didn't matter what he did to convince Bobby that he was good enough to return. His job was his entire life, and he thought he'd made that clear to everyone. It hurt that it had been taken from him by someone he was supposed to trust.

That pain for betrayal had been one of the driving forces behind the lawsuit; maybe, deep down, he wanted Bobby to hurt as much as he had hurt him. And he had won. He could have walked away very rich, but that hadn’t been the reason for the lawsuit. In addition to showing Bobby’s lies, it wanted to show the department that he was ready to return fully since they had proven that he was. He knew that he was going to have some issues, and he had been warned and offered a new station by the chief; however, back then he had thought that the 118 was his home, and so he wanted to return there. He now wished he had listened to the chiefs and changed stations. That was if Bobby had let him, which he doubted.

He couldn’t understand why his family hadn’t understood why he had fought to go back. Other than the job, he had no one. The childish side of his mind had thought that maybe they would forgive him after proving to everyone that he was right. But he had been so wrong. He was now just the cleaner and one that was no good to anyone, and he knew that it was destroying him day by day. He was no longer living; he was simply existing. And just existing was dangerous for a person like him.

He had done it before moving to LA; he had spent years just existing, moving from place to place, and it had been the darkest period of his life. It had almost killed him, and thinking back, he had no idea how he had survived for so long. After he had secured his place inside the LAFD, he had promised himself that he would never allow himself to fall back into that pattern. It was why he had built walls around himself to keep himself sane. But when he thought he had found a home, he stupidly allowed himself to feel again. Not completely, but enough to make him care more about himself again. He knew that even still, back then, he hadn’t been in a good place and was using anything to try and deal with his pain. Instead of drugs or alcohol, he had used sex as an outlet. He hadn’t cared who he slept with or how many one-night stands he had, because yes, he did care about those people, but not enough to go back to them. It meant nothing to him.

But as time went on, he allowed Bobby and the 118 to chip away at his walls. And by doing so, he had allowed himself to feel again. They made him feel again, and they made him feel like he would never have to face abandonment again. Not with a new family that cared so much for him that they included him in their own lives. But boy, was he mistaken. And now he was alone with his crippling pain once more.

Before he had created his walls to protect himself, when he had self-destructed in the past, he had turned to unhealthy ways to deal with his pain. But this time, he had unconsciously punished his body. He knew that he had lost weight; it wasn’t enough for people to notice without fully examining him, but it was enough for his doctors to mention it in his last evaluation. He just brushed it off as over-exercising or not eating enough of the right foods. They weren't outright lies, but they were close enough to the truth that he knew he'd be believed. He just promised the doctors that he would eat more responsibly and work on regaining that weight; that bit was an outright lie, but he had to say it. He knew it wasn't going to happen.

Thankfully, he knew that because he had explained the weight loss, it wouldn’t be put on the official report for the LAFD and Bobby to see. Because he knew that if it was, then it would be another thing to be used against him. Another point that probably helped him was that he mentioned an old friend who knew how to gain weight safely and healthily and had already started planning a regimen for him to follow. But that plan was never going to happen; he wasn’t going to hassle Sam with his problems when he was too busy saving the world. Sam hadn't been on his team, but they'd worked together more times than any other team and considered him a brother; however, after he retired, he tried to let his brother move on with his life. He didn't need his problems on top of his own. Thankfully, the doctor dropped the subject as the exam went on and never brought it up again, so he was safe for now.

He knew that there wasn’t anything physically wrong with him to explain the weight loss, it was just that he couldn’t eat without either feeling sick or throwing up any food he had eaten. Every time he tried to eat; it would cause his stomach to turn. He could tolerate small meals as well as snacks like protein bars or crisps, but that was it. He knew that eating small meals and snacks while working out was a dangerous combination, but he didn’t have much choice. Until he found a way to eat again, he had to deal with it. If he went to his doctors, they would put him back on sick leave or restrict his duties (not like they were any different from the shift he was doing now), but in the end, Bobby would find out and use it as another thing against him.

But that wasn’t an option for him; he knew mentally he wouldn’t make it through any sicker leave. It didn’t matter that he didn’t go out on calls, but still, he knew that he was at a higher risk of collapsing and losing more weight, which in turn made his job even more dangerous. The only good thing about the team hating his guts was that they didn’t notice that he was barely eating. Since he was no longer welcome at the station, he had been able to hide what little he ate. When the others were all enjoying the home-cooked meals made by Bobby, he would just get on with his chore list or eat in the locker room. He'd mostly avoided the kitchen unless he needed to clean it. Nobody cared whether he took care of himself or not. After all, he was a self-centred jerk who only cared about himself.

He also knew that he was paler than normal since his new role at the firehouse had limited his time in the sun outside, really, he only saw it when he went out to empty the bins or arriving and leaving work. To be honest, he didn’t see much sun outside of work either since he had no real reason to leave his apartment other than to go to the shops. It wasn’t like he had any friends to go and see. Aside from work, he was confined to the walls of his apartment, he knew that isolating himself was dangerous for a person like him, but he hated counting on others to deal with his problems whilst they had their own lives to live.

Thinking more clearly, he couldn’t even count going to the shops as an outing since he had started to avoid those as well. He’d only go if he had to and mainly to stock up on his protein bars and snacks since they had a long shelf life. However, he had been going a little more than first since Miss Herriot, a retired teacher who lived on the second floor had her accident. She had badly fractured her ankle and refused to go into a care home to recover after the surgery. He had only learned of the fall after returning home one day and discovering the paramedic crew struggling to get her down the stairs. He of course helped them carry her the last few steps as the lift had been out of action for a few days for maintenance. Miss Herriot had been so embarrassed about the whole thing that he had shaken his head and told her that it was his job to help. It was, after all, his old job.

After returning home, however, she had basically been trapped in her apartment. As soon as he knew she had been allowed home, he started to check on her on a regular basis to make sure that she had everything she needed. He had also started to pick up frequently shopping for her even though she had told him many times that he didn’t need to do that as she could ask her niece to do it. But he had shrugged it off telling her that he was there anyway, and it made sense him collecting the things since he lived in the same building as her.

However, the frequent checks and talks they had when he was busy putting away the shopping, he got for her hadn’t just been for her. It was for him as well. Speaking to someone who was kind to him had really stuck a nerve, he hadn’t realised that not everyone saw him as a waste of space. That he did mean something, even for a little while. That he had value still. It had been that feeling that had kept him going for this long, but it was starting to become apparent that it couldn’t last.

What had made him feel bad about spending so much time with Miss Herriot was that she had started to ask him if he was already more than normal. He knew why, he looked like crap. The few times he had caught his reflection in the mirror he knew that along with his pale skin, he had deep circles underneath his eyes. It wasn’t tiredness as such, he was just broken. He couldn't recall a single night in the previous few months when he had gotten a good night's sleep if any sleep at all. He could fall asleep as quickly as he normally could, but it had been his fear of falling to sleep that kept him up.

Every time he closed his eyes, nightmares plagued his mind. It didn't matter how long he had closed his eyes because they were always waiting for him. It was every time. It seems that all his past failures were coming back to try and kill him all over again. He was surprised that he hadn’t gone insane due to them, but he was coming close to losing it completely. Watching his brothers die repeatedly while powerless to do anything about it was killing him. However, the nightmares that cut him deeper than those were the ones when they blamed him for letting them die. Some of the deaths he was forced to see were a combination of his imagination and memories. Memories he wished he hadn't had. Friends he'd lost right in front of his eyes. And sometimes his imagination caused those deaths to become even more horrific.

When he was on shift, he started to sleep whenever the others were on a call or out of the station, so he didn’t disturb them. In fact, he had tried everything to avoid needing sleep while at work. He just didn't want them to exploit his nightmares. But since they had already stopped him from going on calls due to his medication; he knew that they would kick him out if they found out about his nightmares. He was barely hanging on to his current life; losing his job as a firefighter would be the end of him. He needed a purpose otherwise he would fall apart.

However, if sleeping at the station had been tough, he had thought that sleeping in his apartment where he could lock his front door would be easier, but he had been wrong. It was worse. He knew he needed to sleep if he was going to live, he didn't have to worry about attacking anyone or disturbing anyone else's sleep when he was safe in his apartment. Yet his nightmares never let up. He was just grateful that he had bought an apartment outright and had soundproofed the whole place; otherwise, he knew that would have received numerous visits from the LAPD due to his screams. His neighbours would have most definitely called them thinking that someone had been murdered or attacked. He was so worried that one day his neighbours would hear him that he had started to sleep as little as possible.

He’d frequently woken up with his body, clothing and bedding soaked in his sweat and sometimes blood as often he would find that he had bitten through his lip in an attempt to stop himself from screaming. And sometimes he would wake up either still trapped so tightly in his blankets that it had started to cut off the circulation of his limbs or lying on the floor like he had tried to escape his bed. But what hadn’t changed was how he woke up; he always could feel his heart rate in his throat with no control over his breathing. He knew that if he could somehow focus on his heart rate, he would find that it was unreadable. It would be through the roof. Along with his breathing being uncontrollable. Once or twice, he had panicked so much after a particularly bad nightmare that he had begun to hyperventilate so badly that he had passed out.

Thankfully that had only happened a few times before he had started to set his alarm every thirty minutes to stop himself from entering his nightmare too deeply. However, he couldn’t just fall back into sleep after waking up or he would fall right back into the nightmare. So, he would be lucky if he got at least three hours of sleep a night. Right now, he was surviving on coffee, energy drinks, and a few hours of sleep. But he knew deep down that he couldn't go on like this for much longer. He was on the verge of complete self-destruction.

After a few deep breaths and a quick ‘pull yourself together’ thought, he locked his car and headed towards his apartment stairs, he needed to drop off some milk that she needed before heading to his own apartment. It had taken her a few minutes to answer the door due to her ankle, but it at least gave him a few moments to put his mask back on tight. She thanked him again for the milk but also mentioned how tired he looked. She had started to mention this whenever she could with a worried look on her face. He quickly dismissed her concerns, saying that his shift had been a little crazy and that he planned on getting some sleep as soon as he ate something. It wasn't a full-fledged face lie, but it was close.

Thankfully, he was a very good liar when needed but he had a sneaking suspicion that Miss Herriot's background as a teacher meant she could see through his lies. Fortunately, she never brought it up with him. He said one last goodbye before heading to his own floor. He secretly wished he had the energy to spend more time with her. When he was hurt after the bombing, she had been his guardian angel. He once described her as a long-lost grandmother he never had, though not to her face (mostly because he was taught never to ask a woman's age). But he knew deep down that she saw and treated him like a grandson. Exactly like Abuela. But, unlike Abuela, he had no chance of losing her this time. He’d lost any right to the Diaz family because Eddie was barely speaking to him. Miss Herriot reminded him so much of Abuela that it scared him. The woman was a force to be reckoned with, but she appeared on the outside as if she couldn't hurt a fly. Most of all, he liked the idea that someone cared enough about him to be concerned about him. But, at the same time, he felt unworthy of it. He'd only hurt her in the long run. And he refused to do that to another person.

He moved down the long dark hallway as he reached his floor, but as he got closer to his front door, someone stepped out of one of the apartments further down the hall. It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust but as they did, he realised who it was. He'd gotten to know his next-door neighbour quickly after she moved into the building. Natalia was a sweet girl from Ohio who had only recently moved to Los Angeles. She had kept to herself at first, as any stranger to the area would, but as time passed, she began to get to know some of the neighbours. He remembered looking at his watch as he was leaving Miss Herriot and knowing exactly where she was going so late. She had moved to LA for one reason, and like many others, she was pursuing a dream.

But, unlike many of those who had predicted that everything would be so simple, Natalia knew it wouldn't be and had a plan in place to ensure she achieved her goal. She was no fool. She was wise and had prepared several plans in case something unexpected happened to halt her progress. Her ambition was to train as a chef and one day open her own restaurant in a small neighbourhood to attract customers and help the local community. Buck saw her as someone worth knowing because all she wanted to do was help others. But she was also aware that her dream was a long way off. She had to work hard for it. She had enrolled in evening classes at the local college while working to save up enough money to train professionally. And she was doing well so far. He knew she was on her own based on what little he knew about her. Her parents acted similarly to his; they were too preoccupied with their own lives to notice their children’s. It was one of the reasons they had become such fast friends.

Just because she couldn't train professionally yet, that didn't mean she wasn't testing her skills on new recipes for her new neighbours. It was something that the building had already started doing when he moved in, they would cook for each other or swap recipes. But it wasn't until Natalia moved in that they began having dinners together, primarily on the roof, though they would occasionally meet up at the park or invite each other over for dinner. However, since the bombing, he had at first gotten a lot of food delivered to him. Thankfully that had slowed down now that he was ‘back at work’ and he had been very convincing that he had plans to avoid going to the dinners so he wouldn’t care unnecessary worry for his neighbours. He would just get in the way of them enjoying themselves.

Natalia had also been obtaining different recipes from different cultural backgrounds. She had complained that all she knew how to cook was American food with a bit of Europe influence. Thankfully the building was happy to share their recipes with her. She had swapped a few of them with the Salazars on the first floor. This was odd because Mrs Salazar guarded her receipts in the same way Abuela guarded hers. But then again, he knew that one of the only reasons why she had done it was only after she had taught Natalia how to make Mexican food "the right way," as she put it.

As well as the building dinners, Natalia had also been batch cooking for Miss Herriot since her fall. She would cook at least a week’s worth of food for herself and Miss Herriot since making a batch was easier than just cooking for one. Natalia had prepared a variety of slow-cooked family dinners, not just quick meals. Slow-cooked beef stew, chicken curries, fish pies, pasta bakes, chilli, and her favourite butternut squash and sweet potato soup. And much, much more. Miss Herriot only had to reheat them, saving her money and time on her feet. Miss Herriot had complained to him that Natalia wasn’t letting her pay for the ingredients or the food so he had mentioned that maybe paying her back with recipes might work. And it did.

However, Miss Herriot hadn’t been the only one she had been making these ‘care boxes’ as they were described. He had caught her a few times leaving him a few care boxes at his doorstep normally just before he got back from work. He had reminded her that he was fine now and that he could look after himself again, but she just shrugged and said it was just leftovers. He couldn’t refuse them, however, so he started to just freeze whatever he had left which was a lot. Her food lasted him twice or three times as long as he had to cut the small contents into three to make sure he wasn’t sick. And he had joined them, he only wished he could eat more of it without being sick. Truth be told, her dinners had been the only home-cooked meals he had eaten for weeks. Since he was getting food from Natalia and surviving on little meals and snacks, he never bothered cooking anymore. And it was not like he had to cook for guests anymore since no one came over to see him anymore.

He had thought about the only blood family member that cared for him, Maddie to see if she wanted to come and spend time with him but he knew that it wouldn’t likely happen. Maddie had her own life now, a new life with Chimney. And even if she agreed to come over, he knew the talk he would get from her. That he shouldn’t be a firefighter anymore as it was too dangerous or that he was pushing himself too much and needed to step back for a while. The same talk he had heard from everyone else. When he had first made it known that he wanted to return, Maddie had gone ballistic with him. Telling him that it was too dangerous for him to even consider going back. He had wanted to tell her that this was one of the safest jobs he had had in his life, but it hadn’t been the time to drop that bombshell on her. However, without Maddie, he had no one else to talk to since everyone else was either in the 118 or was family to them. He didn’t want to cause problems for anyone, so he kept away.

When he had walked away from his last job and travelled, his other family not his biological one, had tried to be there for him. They had done their best to keep in contact with him but in the end, he knew that he needed to let them move on with their lives. It was safer for them if he just left, it hurt, they had been his family for so long, but he would only cause them more pain if he stayed. A running theme in his life it seemed.

One of the few reasons why he hadn’t just packed up and left the area was the kindness that Miss Herriot, Natalia, and his other neighbours had shown him. They had all made him feel like he wasn’t such a waste of space. He felt useless when helping them, and often it wasn’t the big gestures that helped, it was the little ones. When he held a door open for someone they thanked him. Helping Miss Herriot with anything she needed even before her accident and helping Natalia move in when she first arrived in LA. He had helped her put up a shelf or two in her living room, a leaky pipe underneath her sink that she had been waiting for the building manager to fix since she moved in and helped hang a few art pieces that she had bought at a yard sale. No job was too big for him. He didn’t care if it meant hanging a shelf over her couch with her telling him if it was straight or not or working on a new bookshelf that she had delivered. That hour or two working on a project meant he wasn’t alone in his apartment wishing that he wasn’t there.

Strangely enough, it had been the reason why their friendship had grown so strong in only a few months. But there was no romance there, they were just very good friends. No matter how many times Miss Herriot had commented that the two of them would make a good couple. He wasn’t about to mess up the only friendship he had left. And he knew she felt the same. He was like an older brother to her now. And that was that.

However, it seems that he had started another friendship with lies once again. By not telling her the truth about himself. There was so much that he kept close to his chest even now. At times before the lawsuit, he had thought about telling them more about his past but as time went on, he could never find the right time, he also didn’t want to change their view of him. Who he had been back then wasn’t the person he was right now. And then with the lawsuit...there was no point in telling them. They would just hate him even more.

But with Natalia, he had the time to tell her little bits of his past that no one knew. One night after another horrible shift, she had caught him as he got to his apartment and asked him to help her with hanging a new piece of artwork she had gotten. He happily agreed and as they moved into her apartment, she went on about how when she first saw the painting, she knew that it would be her favourite. But it was when he saw the piece did his heart fluttered. It was an abstract piece that held a mixture of blues and greens that looked like they came so naturally. It was like the paint had just appeared together with no sign of interference. The only way it could be described is as peaceful and calming. But maybe he was a little biased since it was one of his own.

Not many people knew that he painted professionally and no one in LA knew that he painted at all. And that list grew even short of who knew that he had made a lot of money off his work. He never painted under his own name. Instead, he had signed them with the initials E.C.G. Whilst he had been travelling to find himself again, he had taken painting up again and had started to sell some of his work to make money. However, when he started to sell more professionally, he started to donate a lot of the money he made to charity. They were always local ones and set around the area where he did the paintings. An animal charity in Houston Texas, a community centre in New York and so many others that he had found along his road. Painting was one of the few things that he found could calm him. And back then he needed to find an escape that didn’t involve drugs or alcohol. Each of his paintings had meaning behind them, no matter if that meaning was clear to everyone or just to himself. And many reflected what his state of mind had been at the time.

His work had become so successful for collectors that he had to hire an agent to look after his work and name for him. The one rule that he had made sure his agent understood was that he was to keep his real identity was to remain secret. He didn’t want the flame and madness that came with people knowing his name. Also, he didn’t want his past to become public knowledge either. Mr Sanderford, an elderly Englishman who had moved to the US in the 1990s, had been the right man for the job. He understood why he wanted to keep his identity secret and had pretty much been the face of his work for him, attending showings, keeping his work moving to events and dealing with all the sales of his prints.

However, the secret identity meant that prints of his paintings had been sold for a lot more money than they would normally. People clearly loved the whole secret artist unknown to the world. Even with him not producing any new work in the last three years, his work was still producing him a good profit. Mainly because he controlled the number of prints of his paintings that had been made. He didn’t want his pieces to be printed and printed to meet the demand so he had a rule, he would only print ten prints of each piece before retiring the work. And maybe that was why he had made so much from them when he did release one. He never released more than two prints a year, so the print lasted longer. Thankfully he had completed a lot of work whilst travelling, many had still not been released so it looked like he was still painting. He just let Mr Sanderford know which painting he wanted to release and left it up to him.

However, he sadly had to drip into the money that he had saved up to keep himself afloat through his medical leave. The money that he had kept for himself, he had placed into savings or invested it into the community that surrounded him. In LA alone, he knew of three community centres and one hospital that had been improved amazingly with money that he had donated, of course anonymously. He had also paid for the new children’s ward that was still been built in the same hospital that he had been treated in. He didn’t want any credit for it, he just wanted to help people and if his money could change the lives of people around him then why not. He wasn’t a billionaire, but he was close, so he didn’t have to worry.

When he had met the 118, and they had welcomed him into their homes he had started to put together college funds for all the kids. He knew that he would need to speak to May soon since she had started to apply for colleges, but he had made the chose to have a letter sent via his attorney who oversaw his estate to explain everything. 

Hanging the piece in Natalia’s apartment, it felt right. But he did have to bite his tongue a lot when he was doing it as she went on about the piece. The piece had been one of the first prints of the original. In fact, it had been the first. The original painting was safe with an old friend. Natalia went on and explained that she was pretty sure that the piece was a knockoff as he knew that there were a few of those around but he knew it wasn’t. He knew that due to his hidden clue that he included in every one of his prints. Each print was not the same and the mark was impossible to see unless you know where to look. It was what made each print unique.

Only his agent and himself knew the message so if there were any enquiries about if a print was a fake or not, they would call Mr Sanderford to check it. And the one in Natalia’s apartment held the first mark of the series. He had felt bad for Natalia who had thought she had paid just over a hundred dollars for the piece as it seems that the previous owner had no clue that they had an original print. It happened but he was glad that she now owned the piece. She had called it her birthday present for herself. He had battled with the thought of just telling her that the piece was one of the original prints of the work and she could pay for college and part of her restaurant just by selling the print. However, he had a feeling that she wouldn’t do that. She loved it too much.

The print was of a painting he had done when he had visited the Yosemite National Park. He had camped on the edge of the Mirror Lake on Tenaya Creek. It had been the water’s reflection that had inspired the piece. The way that the trees blended into the water had caught his eye and had been the reason why he had started painting. He had gone there to visit an old friend who lived near the park but after three days staying with him, he needed to be alone again. He did miss his friend, but he could see that his friend had moved on with his life and now had a family. He didn’t need to worry about his old friend anymore and so he had gone and done some camping in the national park instead. Just brushing off his friend’s concern as if this had been his plan all along.

However as much as he loved this piece, he also remembered the killer hangover he had gotten after painting it. He had gotten very drunk when he had set up camp. He was at his lowest then, and he guess that was what his friend had been worried about. Him going off into the park, get drunk and do something stupid. From what he could remember he had started it after his tenth bottle and hadn’t finished it till early morning. When he had woken up with the mother of all hangovers and saw the piece that lay near the water, he had immediately come up with its name, ‘Chasing your dreams.’ He had no idea how he had finished it that drunk but he had done it.

In a way, he had been glad that one of these prints had fallen into Natalia’s hands as the name matched her personality completely. Selling any prints had been hard at times, those pieces had been the only way he could realise all his emotions and selling a copy of them felt like he was showing everyone his problems. The only thing that had made it better was that he had kept nearly all the originals unless he had given them to people, he cared about who he knew would never sell them. That night he hung that painting which had been one of the best nights he had had since before the bombing. Spending the night with Natalia, he had felt so much like his old self. Natalia was easy to talk to, she never judged him on anything. He didn’t tell her everything about his past but enough about his life in LA. She would often listen to him complaining about things and he would do the same for her.

Three hours later and a large bottle of wine, they had gone through so many topics that at the end of the bottle they had started on the topic of relationships. He had admitted to Natalia that he had been through a few bad ones and most of the time he had said it had been his own fault they had ended as he hadn’t wanted a relationship. His last true relationship had blown up so badly in his face that it had broken him, he had thought he had found the love of his life which only made it worse. She hadn’t pushed him to talk about the bad breakup as he wasn’t ready to talk about that just yet but just talking to someone about his problem who wouldn’t judge him. He felt bad to use Natalia as his soundboard for all his problems, but it wasn’t a one-way street. Natalia had used him to air out her problems as well, knowing that they wouldn’t judge each other for them. It was why their friendship had grown so quickly, they both respected each other and knew that they could count on each other for everything. But they also respected each other’s space and knew not to push a topic of conversation.

But right now, he didn’t want to talk. Talking would make everything so much worse now so he quickly unlocked his apartment door and slipped inside without a second glance towards Natalia and quickly closed the door. Turning the bolt as soon as it was closed. He knew that Natalia would understand that he didn’t feel up to talking. He stopped silently allowing his forehead to fall against the door as he listened to Natalia walk past his door. The cool wood against his head felt nice. It somewhat cooled his soul a little. He hated that he had to run and hide from his friend, but he couldn’t face anyone at the minute. It was for their own good because he was not a good person to be around at the moment. The next few minutes went by in silence, and he welcomed it. Lately everything had become so loud. Even the silence was deafening to him. All he wanted to do was to lock himself away in just complete silence and just allow his mind to go blank.

When he was still with his old team whenever he needed peace, he would simply put in a week’s leave and disappear for a week. He would normally book a cabin or a rented house somewhere away from the world and refocus. The only conditions his old team set was that if he felt like the world would be better without him that he sent out an S.O.S before he did something stupid and in return, he asked for them not to look for him. The only communication he would send was to one of them and that was just a short text telling them that he was ok but needed time. Thankfully they had all respected his wishes. He knew that he worried his family when he would disappear on them, but they all needed an escape from time to time. On the other hand, he had a feeling that his family knew exactly where he was every time he disappeared. He had no proof, it was just a feeling but knowing his brothers like he did, they knew. When he moved to LA, he found that he never wanted to be alone. It was like they had filled part of his life that he needed filling. And had been one of the reasons why he had lowered his guard. Something that he kicked himself for.

His phone in his jacket pocket suddenly vibrated telling him he had just gotten a text. The sudden sound and vibration brought him back into reality. He had no idea how long he had been resting against the door, but he didn’t make any attempt to check who had texted him, he already knew who it was. It was from Natalia. She would often text him after seeing that he was struggling or if she hadn’t seen him for a few days. Mainly to make sure that he was ok. He never normally answered her over the phone, but he would nod a silent thanks the next time he had seen her in the hallway. After all, this was his problem. He couldn’t and wouldn’t make others suffer because of the mess that was his life and the mess that he had caused himself. He bit down hard onto his bottom lip trying to control his emotions again as his chest started to become heavy. All the pain that he had packed deep inside himself had started to drip into him, it was like the dam that had been keeping all his emotions at bay had finally started to crack.

With one more deep breath, he slowly pulled his head off the door and slowly turned around to look at his cold empty apartment. Once this place had felt so much like home, somewhere he had felt safe. Now it only acted like a reminder of how much he had messed up. This place wasn’t his home anymore, yes it was a nice apartment that anyone would love but to him it was just a forever living nightmare. When he had brought the place, he had wanted to build a life here. With a family and friends that would be there for him but now he had no one. It was then that it finally hit him and what finally broke the dam that he had built to protect himself all those years ago. He was alone again. His legs suddenly gave away from underneath him however he managed to catch himself against the door. He felt like all his emotions that he had kept locked away had started to spurt out of the cracks in his dam. He couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t deal with this pain anymore.

Unable to hold his own body against the door anymore, he allowed himself to slip down to the floor. And as he came to rest against his door, his dam finally broke. All he could do was shake as all his pain came flooding out. He felt the tears just start to flow from his eyes. He couldn’t stop them, he was done. He couldn’t do this anymore; he was too damn tried to fight anymore. Tired of being alone, tired of losing people that he cared about and saw as family. Tired of letting people down, failing them.

He was such a failure.

Maybe if he had stopped trying to make something of himself, then he wouldn’t have hurt so many people. Since he was born a failure, maybe he shouldn’t have fought so hard against that label. He just wanted to sleep. Sleep without nightmares. Sleep without worrying that he would relive his worse moments of his life. Sleep without pain. He was tired of fighting when there was no point to it. He should have died years ago. In his mind he knew that parts of him had, but it was only now that his body was catching up with him.

Without making a sound, he brought his knees to his chest and hugged until he could rest his chin onto his knees. Making himself as small as possible. The only thing that came to his mind that made any sense to him was that he was just a complete screw-up. Every time he had managed to create a family, he destroyed it. Maybe he was meant to be alone. It made sense. He knew that if he spoke the words out loud people would just claim that he was being overdramatic but looking back he found that everyone he ever cared about always found a reason to leave. His parents had never wanted him.

However, at least they had never acted like they had ever cared about him or pretended it. He was invisible to them unless he had done something to draw their attention. But that was normally only for a short period of time or when their own social life got started again. Any other time, they just forgot that he existed. They were never abusive towards him or anything like that, they were just absent from his life. Not that he cared since he had never known them to care about him.

The only person who cared for him as a child was Maddie. She had basically raised him for as long as he could remember and the only thing that was stable in his entire childhood. She would be the one that stayed up late to help him with his homework, even if he didn’t need it. She would pick him up after practice and be there for nearly every game he played. She really was the only parent he had ever known. But that hadn’t been enough to make her stick around for any longer than necessary. She abandoned him as everyone else did.

Maddie was the golden child in their parents’ eyes. He remembered one time that he sat on the top of the stairs with his hands wrapped around his knees as he saw his parents leave with Maddie for one of her events. They would never dream of missing one of Maddie’s award shows or events, no, that would make people believe that they weren’t good parents. She could do no wrong when they were growing up. That was until she met Doug. That was when everything had gone wrong. Doug was nice enough at first, but when he had seen less and less of Maddie because she had been with him, he liked him a lot less. Also, he was not well-liked by their parents, and they weren’t shy about letting her know they didn’t approve of him. Day after day, they would bring it up with her. And after five long months of consent arguments and fights, Maddie had had enough. She had moved out, off to start a new life away from their parents with Doug. Leaving him behind.

At first, all he felt was anger. Sometimes he wouldn’t answer the phone when she called. Or lock himself in his room when she came around when their parents had been out. Looking back, it was childish but back then had left him with two people that he barely knew. But losing Maddie wasn’t the only thing that he was angry about. Three days after Maddie had packed her stuff and had left, did their parents do something that shocked him. They just packed everything that had been in Maddie’s room up and threw it out. Her furniture, books, and any clothes she had left. Within a day any trace of Maddie from that room had been wiped clean. The room was painted and set up as another office. The whole house had been cleared of her, all except her photographs that lined the hallway. Photos of Maddie at school and her graduation. They remained properly to keep up appearances to make it look like they still had a good relationship with their daughter.

He was used to not having his photos around the house. Any time he would have his photo taken, they never bothered to put it up like they did with Maddie’s and sometimes just forgot to order them when they were sent the letter. Every time he came down the stairs and he saw her photos he hoped that maybe that was a little sign that their parents did have a heart. But he knew better. It was all about their appearance, other than that they just acted like she didn’t exist just like they did with him. The next week, he just watched his parents go back to their normal selves as he did his best to stay out of their way. He had stupidly left his skateboard in the hall once and had found it in the bin outside with the rest of Maddie’s things. Thankfully he had managed to save it before the bins had been collected. However, after that, he quickly made sure that all his stuff was kept safe either on himself or locked in his room.

They acted like they had no other children left at home. But then again, they had never paid much attention to him anyway so really nothing had changed except Maddie leaving. But that was only for the first week after that was when everything changed forever. It started slowly, his parents would leave for the day and not return until the next day. They wouldn’t tell him they were leaving; he would just come back from school to find the house empty. But then their trips would increase to two nights, then four nights and then a week or two. Every time their trips would go on for a longer each time, leaving him alone in the house. Every time he would just come home from school to the house in silence. No note telling him where they had gone and for how long. The only reason he knew that they hadn’t just gone out was the empty wardrobes and missing suitcases.

For a time, he didn’t mind being left alone. In fact, he enjoyed it. Normally he would lock himself in his room when they were home until he could smell dinner and then go down for some food. But with them gone, he could do what he wanted. Watch tv in the living room, eat whatever was in the house and just enjoy the house without having to deal with his parents. However, as time went on and with them leaving more and more, he found himself facing the same problem. Food. Or lack of it. More than once, he would come in from school to find them gone and the fridge either empty or very close to it. They never bothered to fill it when they left for him. Or leave any money behind for him to buy food. When it had gotten to week two of his parents not coming home and he had run out of food, he had tried to call Maddie to see if she could give him some money or go with him to buy food. But every time he tried to get through to her, he would always get her voicemail, or her phone would cut out. Meaning he was on his own.

Thankfully, he had a lot of friends that he could count on. He never told them what was happening, but he would often make an excuse to go over to their houses late like working on homework or just wanting to hang out. Their families always made him stay for dinner, Mrs Alves, his best friend Leo’s mum always sent him home with extra food telling him that she thought that he was a little thin. He knew that he had lost some weight as he had been very strict about what he ate, trying to keep the food that he did have a little longer.

He had also stopped eating lunch at school, mainly because he didn’t have the money to pay for it. His friends really liked having him over, mainly for help with their homework or just having someone else to talk to. Leo, his best friend, had only been living in the States for two years after he and his whole family had moved to the States from Brazil. His English was good but not the best when he first came. But that didn’t matter to him, Leo was his friend and that was that. They had met on his first day at school and they had become fast friends. As time went on and their friendship grew, he would make sure that any help Leo or his family needed, he was there for them. He had even worked closely on making sure that Leo’s English improved to the standards that were needed from their school. They would spend a lot of time together in the library or at Leo’s house going over the English homework. And in turn, he had also helped other members of Leo’s family with their English as well.

Leo had even started to teach him some Portuguese in return for his English lessons. They had become like brothers, and he had always been welcome at the Alves home. But he also hated that he had to count on others to make sure that he was fed. He felt bad that he had to count on his friends’ parents to feed him when his own parents had basically abandoned him. The only person that knew that there was no love between him, and his parents was Leo, but he had made him swear not to tell anyone. As much as he knew that there was no love between him and his parents, they were still his parents, and he didn’t want them to get in trouble. As time went on and he started to realize that this was now the new normal, he needed to look after himself. Which meant being able to provide for himself. He needed money and for that, he needed to find a job that he could have around school because he was not about to give up on his dreams of getting out of town.

One week later he had managed to find some work. He had joined the maintenance crew that looked after the ice-ring that he trained on. He had found himself laughing so hard when they had been called to that ice-skating accident as it had been years since he had last stepped foot on the ice. He had been like Bambi on ice that day and if any of his former teammates had seen him then they would have laughed their arses off. Mr Samson, his boss, had quickly become his first father figure in his life. Mr Samson was a man of very few words, but he didn’t need to because you could just tell by his life if something was wrong or if you were going something wrong.

Also, when he did speak, people listened. He just had that presence about him. He had always liked the man, he always said hello to him and asked him how he was when he went past. He treated them all like family, it didn’t matter that he was just in charge of the maintenance team, he was always there for them whenever they needed him. They were more open with him than they were with their coach. He had been a professional hockey player with the Pittsburgh Penguins but had chosen to take retirement early. Because of that, he had taken any advice he was willing to give to help him improve his game. However, unlike a normal job, he hasn't applied for it.

Without him realising it, Mr Samson had been watching him a lot closer than he had ever done before. He had without meaning to, giving off some signals that Mr Samson had picked up on. And that had come to a head one night after a long and tiring training session when he sat alone in the locker room. That was where Mr Samson had found him. He had already changed out of his training clothes and was sitting on the bench trying to work out what he was going to do for dinner. All his friends had already left and he hadn’t had time to go shopping so that meant he would have to go tonight which wasn’t what he wanted to do this late at night.

He had to be careful with what money he had, which meant he hadn’t bothered getting any lunch and it was just his luck that Mr Samson had come into the locker room at the exact time when his stomach grumbled violently. Normally if anyone was in the room with him when this happened then he would try to hide it, but he was damn too tired to do that anymore. For the first time in his life, he wanted to be a child again and not the adult that he had to become. Mr Samson had been the first adult to tell him something that he had needed to hear for years and that was that none of this had been his fault. He couldn’t control how his parents acted or how they felt towards him. In the end, Mr Samson had taken him to dinner at the local diner that sat only two blocks from the ring and had offered him the job.

He had learned so much during those few hours that he spent with Mr Samson. Not just about the man in front of him but also about himself. He wasn’t alone anymore; he didn't have to hide everything from everyone. He had someone to talk to that wouldn’t judge him or tell him that he was the problem. It felt nice. He had also learned that Mr Samson was not what he seemed. After his hockey career had come to an end, he had ended up joining the Navy Seals. He had seen combat in Vietnam, but he barely spoke of it. Not that he blamed him. Mr Samson didn’t say a lot however he could tell that whatever he had witnessed was still haunting him to this day. But he never allowed his pain to hold him back. They spent hours just talking. Mr Samson had answered all the questions he had. Upon hearing about the brotherhood that Mr Samson had gotten from the Seals had been one of the reasons why he had looked into the Navy as soon as he could. He even headed down to the local recruitment office to pick up some more information.

Meeting Mr Samson had been a blessing, the only thing he asked of him was to be himself. If it hadn’t been for him, then he had a feeling that he could have easily gone down the wrong path. The only thing that he asked of Mr Samson was that he kept everything he had told him secretly. He didn’t want his parents to get into trouble, no matter how nasty they were to him. After he had left home after finishing school he had gone and told Mr Samson that he was leaving personally, even before he had started packing. It was like he was telling his father that he was leaving. Because he was very much his father in all but blood. He was there for every game that he played, helped with his homework before and after his training sessions and had helped him just by having someone to talk to. He had promised to keep in contact with him and let him know how he was doing.

However, sadly two years later he had gotten a call from Leo who had stayed in Hershey with the news that Mr Samson had been killed in a car crash. The news had hit him like a ton of bricks, he had only just talked to Mr Samson the other day and now he was just gone. With no family left, the ice-ring and the teams had organised his funeral for him. They had even gotten an honour guard from the Navy to be there as he was a retired veteran. Losing Mr Samson was devastating to him, he had lost the only father he ever knew.

Thankfully he had been able to attend Mr Samson’s funeral to pay his last respect to a man who had saved him. After everyone had left, he stood at the grave alone. He promised that he would do for others what he had done for him. Save as many people as possible to pay Mr Samson back for all the kindness that he had shown to him. He wanted to make Mr Samson proud of him. He knew that it was childish to want someone to be proud of him but at the same time he had always wanted someone to be proud of him.

The one thing that made it a little easier to say goodbye was that Mr Samson had always ended their conversations telling him that he was proud of him and that he knew that he would go far in life. As much as it hurt to lose Mr Samson the way he did only reminded him of a lesson that he had been taught not that long ago and that was that life was too short. And if he wanted to make sure that he didn’t leave things unsaid then he needed to try.

It was why he had started to send Maddie the postcards. Thankfully he knew which hospital she was working in so instead of risking Doug hiding them, he just sent them there. However, not wanting her to worry about his choice of lifestyle, sending postcards from those locations would give his sister a heart attack. He was grateful that he had kept all the postcards he had bought when he had been travelling from all around the US, he had kept his messages short and sweet. Not wanting to give too much away to her due to the worry that she might try and track him down only to find him not there. Not that she would as she was too busy living the life she wanted. But simply writing to her made him feel like she was still part of his life.

Then suddenly, she finally came back into his life after years of only communicating through postcards. At first, he was shocked that she was there with him. The first few days, he had to keep checking when he got up that she was still there, and he hadn’t been dreaming that she had turned up on his doorstep. He didn’t really know what to think when she had first arrived. Happy, angry, confused and scared all at the same time. He was happy that he had finally gotten his older sister back in his life. She was the only blood relative alive that cared about him.

But at the same time angry and confused, why had she abandoned him for so long? Why hadn’t she come and visit him after she left? But most importantly for him, he was scared that she would just get up and leave him again. She had once promised him that she would never leave him and yet she did. Would she do it again? But there was something else that worried him more than being abandoned again. Would she like the person he was now? He wasn’t the same little boy she walked out on. Or did she want him to go back to how he was before she had left? Because he knew that was never going to happen. She couldn’t go back and change the past, no matter how much he wished she could. But when he had learnt the truth about why she had kept away from him he felt physically sick. He had to fight the instinct to hunt Doug down personally and make him hurt as much as he had felt Maddie. He knew that he could do it without getting caught. No one would be the wiser.

On the other hand, he knew that he couldn’t do anything like that. That wasn’t the person he was. His focus had to be Maddie. That was his task. He also hated himself for thinking that Maddie had left him for a better life when she had been suffering more than him. Why hadn’t he seen it? He had seen Doug and Maddie together and hadn’t seen any sign of the abuse that he knew now was happening. Could he have saved her from years of abuse if he had only tried a little harder to see her after she had left? He had a paid job; he could have easily caught a flight or a bus to see her during the holidays. Or keep in touch with her more.

He had her phone number; he could have easily phoned her. He should have fought harder to make sure she had stayed in his life. But he hadn’t, he had been too angry with her for that. Instead, he had abandoned her. He had left her alone and had basically helped Doug by removing himself from her life. And that had been one of the most painful things that had come to mind after finding out the truth. From that moment, he had vowed that he wouldn’t let her down again. He would be there for her with whatever she needed. His life didn’t matter anymore, all that mattered was helping Maddie rebuild her life.

But there was part of his brain that wouldn’t allow him to dissolve all his anger towards Maddie. She had left him. Maybe only with time would tell if that feeling would always be there. However, that was his problem, not Maddie’s. When Maddie had turned up on his doorstep, she had come to him because she had needed her brother. She hadn’t just come to him because she knew that he would take her in, she had come to him because they were family. He was safe and would protect her as much as possible from Doug. She had chosen him over their parents. But then again, they would have just sent her back to Doug or kicked her out as soon as she had turned up on their doorstep. But then she had chosen to stay with him.

Through him, she had been welcomed into the 118 family and through that, she had met Chimney. At first, he had been a little worried about his sister dating one of his co-workers but then he had seen her with him. He made her happy. And that was all that mattered. She could start a new relationship in a safe place with her friends and family around her. Deep down he was happy that the person Maddie was starting her new life was with a man like Chimney. He was a good guy. Someone who he knew would be there for her, for good and for bad. He could show her what a happy and healthy relationship looked like.

Seeing Maddie happy was nice, she was rebuilding her life after everything she had been through. However, it was because of her new happiness that he hadn’t told her what had been happening at the station. He knew that Maddie would have his back even if he was partly to blame. The only problem he saw with that was that he wouldn’t be able to tell if she was supporting him because he was right or if she was just doing it because he was her brother. But he had also started to notice since he had been hurt, she had started to treat him like she did when he was a child. That he didn’t know what was best for himself and needed looking after. And it was that behaviour that stopped him from ever counting on Maddie to take his side. She wanted to protect him, he knew that but there was a difference between protecting and stopping him from doing something that he loved.

Why was he still here? It was a question that kept replying inside his head. He had already the one reason he had to stay in LA. They didn’t need him. They didn’t want him. They had their own lives, and they were living them happily without him. Why should they? He wasn’t family anymore. He was just a problem that they were stuck with. Maybe just leaving was the best option. For everyone. It would make their lives so much easier if they didn’t have to deal with him anymore. Other than Maddie, he had no family left. Yes, Maddie would be upset and angry at him for leaving but she had a life here now. A good job, friends and a family that loved her. He couldn’t destroy that for her.

The only other reason why he hadn’t just left and that was thinking what his leaving would do to Christopher. He loved that kid with every inch of his being, even if he wasn’t his, he would do anything for him. But he had lost him too in a way. Eddie had made sure of that. The only way he had been able to speak to him was through Carla. She had been a god sent. He knew that Eddie had no idea that they were still speaking, and he had made sure that it didn’t happen often in case Christopher had let it slip to Eddie and it got Carla in trouble. Christopher needed Carla and so did Eddie. He couldn’t destroy that friendship as well. He might have lost Eddie, but he didn’t want Christopher to have to lose not only him but Carla as well.

He smiled a little at the thought of Carla. No matter what happened to him, Christopher would be well looked after. Carla would make sure of that. He knew that he could count on her for anything, she was an angle he was certain. He knew that Christopher would more likely hate him for leaving him. The kid had so many issues thanks to his mother leaving and then her death but with time, he would forget him and move on with his life. Just like the rest of the 118 was doing. Christopher was so smart that no matter what happened, he would be able to move on without too many problems. Maybe find someone better to love who wouldn’t let him down as he had done. Wouldn’t fail him as he had done so many times before.

Wiping away his tears that had scared his face he slowly pulled himself again and slowly shifted deeper into his apartment leaving his locker bag at the door. He had started to leave his locker empty at the station after someone had broken in and trashed it. The worse was when he had come in to find his locker completely trashed and hanging open, whoever had done it wanted him to see it. Everything inside it was either cut up or broken. All of Christopher’s drawings that he had kept inside it were gone and the one photo that he had inside it was ripped to shreds. Thankfully it had only been a photo of the team one Christmas and he had a spare one at home. He hadn’t bothered to report it to Bobby as he knew that his ‘Captain’ wouldn’t care. And since he had his spare uniform in his truck, he just went and got it, cleaned up the mess and went on to start his never-ending list of chores.

He moved towards the stairs completely forgetting that he needed to eat something as the need to throw himself under a warm shower was greater than food. He hadn’t bothered to shower at the station anymore since it would mean leaving his things out in the open for someone to destroy. And since he never went out on calls, he didn’t need to shower there. He also knew that it would just give the others another excuse to blame him for taking up all the hot water or taking too long when the showers were only to be used by firefighters. But he knew, deep down the real reason for not showering at the station and that was now he didn’t feel safe there. Showering meant that he was vulnerable, not that he thought they would physically hurt him, but he couldn’t stop the feeling. Nor did he want to risk it.

He also felt dirtier than he had ever felt before. He had betrayed his family and now they acted like he was a disease that just caused pain to those around him. All he did was make people suffer. Cause them pain. He had come into their lives and had made everything ten times worse. What the hell was wrong with him? Why did he destroy everything he touched? Right now, all he wanted to do was to go upstairs, turn his phone off, sit in the shower until his skin felt numb and then get into bed, swallow every single pill that he had been given to manage his pain which he had refused to take. Maybe then he would find peace. To just fall asleep and never get up.

As his foot touched the bottom step and those thoughts flooded into his mind, he felt his entire body freeze. He couldn’t even catch his breath; it was like his entire body had frozen where he was. He was so weak. He should be stronger than this. Right? He was a firefighter, he used to run into burning buildings without a second thought. But now he was just a coward. Just like everyone thought he was. Maybe it was right for him to take the coward’s way out since he was one. Die as he lived, right?

Then suddenly, his legs gave out from under him, hitting the stairs hard but the pain broke him out of his own mind. What was he doing? He was a failure, but he couldn’t do that to Maddie. He knew that if he had killed himself then it would be her to find him. No one else cared to check on him. And so, it would be the only blood family that loved him to find his cold dead body. He couldn’t do that to her. Not after everything she had been through already.

He needed help. But who would want to help him? He couldn’t call the team and even if he did, he knew that no one would answer him. If by some miracle, someone did answer him he knew that all they would say was that it was his own fault, that he needed to get a grip of himself and stop being selfish. Eddie’s comment about him only thinking of himself came to mind so quickly and stayed there. Maybe he was only thinking about himself, after all he didn’t care about them. But he did and that was what was killing him. They hated him and he loved them all the same.

But what scared him even more than thinking about killing himself was thinking that everyone would be happy about it. They would be happy that he was gone but at the same time annoyed that he had caused so much trouble. Planning a firefighter’s funeral took a lot of work and money for the department. If he got a department service. More likely they would just leave it to Maddie to have a small gathering if anyone turned up and bury him and forget about him. But afterwards, they would be happy that he wasn’t causing problems. The 118 might go only to keep up appearances to the other houses if they did have a department funeral but deep down, they would just call him selfish and inconsiderate. Keeping them from doing their jobs.

But thinking more clearly, why couldn’t he think about himself? Why couldn’t he be selfish? This was his life. And he had been through enough hell to warrant some selfishness, right?

Maybe disappearing was the best option for him. Leaving everything behind and just moving on to the next step of his life. If he had one. It would be easier for everyone. He would keep up communication with Maddie for a few months before stopping and after that, if he died then he died. Maddie would have closure at least and the department wouldn’t have to bother with him anymore.

But then his mind remembered something that stopped the little voice in his head telling him to end it all to suddenly go silent. He remembered promising his brother one last thing before they parted ways. A promise he had sworn to himself that he would keep. Steve wasn’t his brother by blood, but he was very much his older brother and father figure all wrapped up together along with being his teacher, mentor, and friend. He owed the man his life. He had saved him more times than he could count, and he had done the same for him.

Saying goodbye to him had been one of the hardest things he had done in his life but at the same time, he knew that he needed to leave. He needed to find himself again. And he had, well he had thought he had. The promise he had made when he had been at his lowest was that if the thought that the world would be better if he wasn’t in it ever came into his head then he would call him. A promise that he knew he had to keep, or he knew that his brother would travel to hell and back, dragging his soul back to his body only so he could kill him himself. And he knew he would do. Without a question.

However, the only thing that worried him about calling his brother was that they hadn’t spoken in years. They had texted a few times, letting each other know where they were and what they were doing. Not many details but enough to know that they were both safe. He was glad that his older brother had settled down and was doing well in his new life and yet that was one of the reasons why he was scared to call. If he called him then he would interrupt his life as he did with everyone else’s. Maybe he shouldn’t call and just deal with his own problems like normal. But that wouldn’t work. Not for this. Being alone was one of his problems.

Without even thinking about it, he found himself sitting with his phone in his hand with contacts open his finger hovering over his brother’s number. It was an old number, and he hadn’t texted him for a good few months. Maybe it was outdated? No. He needed to do this. Didn’t he? His finger hovered over his brother’s number. He had saved it under “Cmder Smooth Dog”.

When Maddie had once gone through his phone to call Bobby, she had seen the name and had asked about it. It had taken a few seconds to come up with an answer that didn’t bring his past to the surface. He wasn’t ready to tell his older sister that he had lied to her about dropping out of the Seals and had in fact not only passed selection but had come out top of the class and had been selected personally to join a special unit right after. It had been there that he had found his new family. Instead, he had just shrugged his shoulders and said it was a friend that he knew from travelling as he had been his boss and a lady’s man. Which wasn’t far from the truth. He just had missed out on the fact that he was his old commanding officer and brother who he serviced with.

He knew that it would hurt her a lot if she realised that during the time they weren’t speaking, she could have gotten a knock on her door telling her that her little brother was dead. She may have been next of kin if he was killed in action however, he had put Steve down as his next of kin, so he had someone he trusted to make any decision if he wasn’t able to. And thankfully, she had only come close to getting that knock on the door twice in his career. Once when he had been hit in the head by shrapnel as he tried to land a helicopter which he had never flown before and time he had jumped on top of a grenade to protect his brothers. Both times had nearly cost him his life and both times he had survived. His brothers used to tell him that he had the best guardian angel or the worst luck and he couldn’t argue with them because it was true. He had also noticed that his skills for finding trouble had followed him into the LAFD.

He knew after the last time he had been hurt that his skill of finding trouble would be his downfall and he had been right. He had lost his adopted family once again. Maybe Steve could help him, maybe not. Without maybe meaning to, he clicked on the call icon and held the phone loosely against his ear. He knew that there was a strong possibility that the phone wouldn’t connect or if it did, maybe it wasn’t the best time to call. Steve could be busy with his own life. He didn’t need to listen to how badly he had screwed up his own life.

But then his thought was broken by a voice on the other end. And at that moment, he felt like all the worry that he had had inside him had just dropped a few feet down, so it wasn’t too close to the surface.

“McGarrett,” His brother sounded the same as he had always done. He felt safe just by hearing Steve’s voice. It was like an automatic response that had been caused by knowing that his brother always had his back no matter what. He just felt safe.

“Hello…” Steve’s voice rang through again. He was safe.

Chapter Text

When he heard his brother's voice on his phone, his entire world came to a halt. He had forgotten how to move, think, or even breathe. When he heard Steve's voice, he knew he was safe, but he also felt weak. He was supposed to be strong; he had served his country, travelled to the most dangerous places on the planet, and used to run into burning buildings for a living, but he had to rely on his older brother to prevent him from killing himself because he was so weak. Steve, like his brothers, had his own life to live as well as a police task force to focus on. He had people's lives in his hands, criminals to apprehend, and an island to protect. Not his younger brother, who was unable to manage his own affairs.

Steve's voice had silenced all the voices that had bothered him for months and made him feel safe. He knew they were still there, jumbling around inside his head, causing him to experience all the emotions he'd tried to suppress since the bombing. For the time being, he was relieved. If he could keep the voices quiet, he might have a chance at a normal life. He couldn't, however, rely on others to assist him; he had to figure it out on his own, which he eventually did. But for the time being, he was thankful that Steve had answered the phone at all. Steve had once again saved his life by doing nothing but talking. Steve was always protective of him, as were all his brothers, due to the fact that he was the youngest by a long way. And his protectiveness grew stronger with each they noticed something wrong with him. He knew that if Steve discovered something was wrong with him, he would just show up at his apartment demanding answers. But it would be even worse if Steve discovered he was on the verge of breaking his promise to him.

He usually despised it when his brothers became overly protective of him. One instance where they went too far was when they went to the bar after a mission, and he wasn't allowed to leave their line of vision. He couldn't even go to the bar on his own because they couldn't see him. And if they did lose sight of him, he'd have at least one of them strapped to his hip for the duration of the night. They always joked that he could get into too much trouble alone, so they had to stay close to make sure it didn't happen, a joke he now believed to be true. He should never have abandoned them. They might have stopped him from screwing up his life so badly.

Steve's voice rang through the phone once more, bringing him back to reality. He was surprised to discover that he had managed to keep his phone. It wasn't right next to his ear anymore, but it was close enough for him to hear his brother's voice. He could hear his brother's concern in his voice, most likely because he didn't know who was calling. He wanted to be forgotten by everyone he cared about when he left. After all, it was safer for them. As a result, he hadn't given them his new phone number. He'd kept all of theirs just in case, but it was only on his terms.

But, since just hearing Steve's voice had silenced the voices, he could try to convince Steve that he was just checking in with him. Allow him to speak for a few minutes before making an excuse to end the call. But he knew his brother too well; Steve would notice something was wrong with him right away. His tone and voice always gave away how he was feeling. That's why he never got away with pretending to be fine over the radio when he wasn't.

“Hello…” He overheard Steve say it again. "Is there anyone there?"

He held the phone closer to his ear and blurted out, "Steve," without thinking or even clearing his throat, which could have prevented his voice from sounding so broken. He was aware that his voice sounded like a mouse, but he was confident that Steve would recognise who was calling. He always did. And he was correct, as the background noise on Steve's end abruptly stopped. He seemed to have muted the surrounding noise as if someone muted a television. He knew he had Steve's full attention now.

“Bomber? Is that you?" Steve's voice sounded like it came from a big smile on his face. God... he had missed Steve so much. He adored all his brothers, but his bond with Steve was stronger than any other. Steve had plucked him right out of Buds; he hadn't even attended his classmates' graduation. He was pleased because seeing his fellow graduates celebrate with their families while he stood and watched would have turned a day that should have been filled with pride into a day of depression. Instead, he'd spent the day in a mud-filled hole in some war-torn country, hoping not to be shot. It had been a challenging learning experience, but it had also been the best time of his life because of the bonds he had formed with his new team. They had become like family to him.

“Yer…” He muttered as he pushed his shaking hand against his ear, forcing his phone to rest against his ear so he could hear Steve better. Also, to help support his head. "It's me." He then added as he closed his eyes, hoping to regain control of his breathing. He'd been holding his breath without realising it.

"Hey, kiddo..." Buck could easily see Steve sit back in a chair, grinning like a Cheshire cat, at this moment. "Nice to hear your voice; is everything all right? Not that I don’t miss hearing from you, but it’s been a while kiddo.” Steve went on to say.

Buck almost felt sick, and all he wanted to do at that moment was burst into tears and tell Steve everything. He wished his older brother was right there in front of him so he could just let himself go, knowing he would be caught. But because he wasn't, he couldn't.

“Yer… I’m ok.” He was attempting to persuade not only Steve but also himself.

"Bomber, this is me you're talking to. What exactly is going on? Is everything all right?" Steve said, and worry was so thickly wrapped around his words that he felt bad for even calling Steve. He should not be dragged back into his mess. But he couldn't lie to him at the same time. He needed to tell Steve what was up, but he couldn't find the words. How does one tell his brother, someone he respects and cares about, that he is contemplating suicide? He didn't want to let Steve down like he had Bobby. And one way to do it was to show weakness, such as wanting to kill yourself. But unlike Bobby, he knew that Steve would never hold it against him.

He sighed and wheezed his eyes closed, hoping that this day would end soon. "Do you remember that promise you forced me to make before I left?" He could only hope that Steve understood what he was asking. He was pitiful and weak. He couldn't even tell Steve the truth because saying it made it true.

There was a long pause on the phone as if Steve was trying to recall their last conversation before, he left. It wasn't a long conversation; it took place as he was packing his belongings to leave. Fortunately, he did not prevent him from leaving as others had, but he had only let him leave if he promised to call him if things became too much. And he was grateful right now that he had forced him to make that promise.

“Yer…” Steve's voice came through, and then he heard Steve suck in his breath and speak more sternly than before. "Can you please tell me you're safe right now, Kiddo?" Steve could hear worry in his voice, and he could tell he was on his feet and pacing. He sounded like he was trying to talk and do more than three things at the same time.

“Yer… "I'm fine..." Buck was now in a panic. Perhaps it was a mistake to believe that there was still someone who cared about him. He was simply inflicting more pain than ever before. "...I'm sorry for calling. It's really stupid; I shouldn't have called..." He began to speak, attempting to determine what he could do to alleviate Steve's concern for him. He needed a plan, and maybe just leaving LA was the key; he didn't need to drag Steve back into his mess.

"Hang up the phone, and Sam will be at your door in less than five minutes!" Buck could tell Steve was gripping his phone like he always did when he yelled. And he knew that if he hung up the phone, he'd only have to count until his door was kicked in. To be honest, he had no idea where Sam was, having only heard that he had joined law enforcement, but he had a feeling he was in LA, and Steve's comment only confirmed it. His brothers knew where he'd been all this time, keeping an eye on him without interfering in his life, which meant they were aware of the bombing, the lawsuit, and everything else. "Talk to me, kiddo, what's going on inside your head?" Steve's voice rang in his ear once more. He was aware of what his brother was doing, which was to keep him talking so he wouldn't get lost in his own thoughts again.

Buck sighed once more; he trusted Steve. Nonetheless, he found it difficult to express himself fully. He was so damn tired, he wanted nothing more than to sleep, to sleep until either the pain or his heart stopped beating. At the same time, he didn't want to disappoint Steve. Not again. "I'm tired, Steve." That was the only thing he could think of saying. After all, it was the truth. He was exhausted. Tired of feeling helpless and ineffective. I'm sick of being ignored and unloved. I'm sick of life.

"I know you are kid," Steve admitted softly before continuing, "but that's not the real reason is it kiddo?" And, once again, Steve was right. Steve had the ability to read him like a book. He always could, even at the beginning of their friendship. He was one of the few people who knew the real him. The true him. He never let people see the real him because he knew it would break him if they betrayed him. And he'd been betrayed numerous times in his life. He'd already survived one betrayal by someone he thought was his one and only. He had revealed himself to them and then thrown it back in their faces. Another reason he had walked away from everything was that he had so many memories of them together.

“They hate me." He murmured, and his voice began to shake.

"Yer, they do, and they'll be better off without me anyway. Everyone will." He couldn't stop himself from saying it. It just exploded from him. All his insecurities surfaced at the same time. All his fears and weaknesses erupted at the same time.

"Don't say that you know that's not true," Steve stated, but he did not believe him.

"No one needs me. No one. I just make things difficult for them. In the end, everyone leaves me. You know that." For some reason, he couldn't stop himself from letting everything out that was inside him. He trusted Steve not to coerce him and would do anything to help him, even if it meant lying to him.

"Not everyone, kid." Buck could hear Steve saying it as the sound of him sitting back down came through. "You can be a pain in the arse and annoying as hell at times, but you're my little brother kiddo. Nothing is going to change that."

Buck found himself smiling a little at the comment, which he used to despise when they called him their little brother. They would always use it at the wrong time or when they knew it would irritate him. At the same time, he missed it. He missed not only the brotherhood that came with his old team but also his family. His family was never the 118. Not like his old team, as he could see now. However, just because he couldn't move on with his life didn't mean he should hold them back as well. Regardless of how much it hurt.

"You have a new life now, Steve; you don't need me messing it up," he grumbled, hoping Steve would overlook the remark and end the call. But he was well aware that it was not going to happen.

"You're my ohana, kiddo, and that will never change. And you haven't screwed anything up. In fact, there are times when I just want to call you for assistance." Buck could tell his brother had resumed his pacing when Steve said this. But the fact that Steve had asked for his assistance on cases made him feel something. The sensation of being wanted.

"You're just saying it to make me feel better," Buck grumbled as he sighed once more.

"Have I ever lied to you?" Buck couldn't help but laugh when Steve asked. Yes, Steve had lied to him with the best of intentions, primarily for his own benefit, but it still counted. To be honest, Steve was one of the most honest people he had ever met. For someone who worked in government secrets and national security, the man was a terrible liar to those he loved. And those who could read him.

"You did say 'this wouldn't hurt.'" He chuckled a little more.

"OK, ha-ha...in my defence, you had just been shot, and Sam was doing his best to make sure you didn't bleed out all over the place," Steve said, and Buck could almost see Steve throw his hand up in the air.

Buck shuddered at the memory of that day. They were clearing a building when he was hit in the neck by a ricochet. They had been working with Sam's team when the incident occurred. Thankfully, it hadn't dug too deeply, but it had nicked the exterior jugular vein. He'd lost a lot of blood and couldn't remember what happened after he passed out, but he did remember waking up in the hospital bed, surrounded by his brothers. The majority of them passed out around the room, either in hospital chairs, which they later complained about or on the floor. Fortunately, the bullet did not cause permanent damage to him. But then another famous Steve saying that turned out to be a lie entered his mind, and with another little chuckle, he added, "This is going to be clear sailing."

"All right, you made your point," Steve said with a sigh and a grunt. "But really, kiddo, have I ever lied to you about anything personal?" Steve then inquired.

Buck sighed and shook his head, knowing Steve was telling the truth. He hated himself for ever having doubts about his brother, but he couldn't help himself. He'd lied to me far too many times. But he should be able to put his trust in his brother, right?

"So, believe me when I say I still need you, kid. I've already lost too many members of my family; I can't lose you as well. Maybe I was too preoccupied with my own pain to check on you, but that doesn't mean I don't care." Steve said, and he could hear the genuine emotion in Steve's words. When he stopped to think about it he knew that his thoughts weren't right but he couldn't help but think of himself as selfish.

Steve had already lost so much of his family, and yet he was willing to end his life only to cause his brother more pain. He'd already lost his mother, father, Freddie, and all of his other brothers. He had assumed that because Steve had already moved on with his life, his death would not be painful for him. Maybe he had people who cared about him. But it was hearing Steve's pain in his voice that hurt him the most. He was inflicting pain on his brother. Something he didn't want but was causing. "Your father had just been killed, Steve, and then everything with the task force..." Buck added that he was attempting to alleviate some of his pain. He had heard about Steve's father's death and the ambush. He was still somewhat connected to his old world, and he considered reaching out, but he knew he had caused his brother pain when he left, and he didn't want to add to that pain by returning.

"It doesn't matter. I should have stayed in touch." Steve stated emphatically. And Buck was aware that Steve still blamed himself for what had occurred prior to him leaving them. Steve was not to blame for what had happened. Nobody saw it coming, he hadn't. "I had no intention of abandoning you, kiddo." Steve then softly added. Only a few of his brothers were aware of the full extent of his struggle, and Steve was one of them. His entire messed up childhood had spilled out of his mouth one very drunken night when Steve practically carried him back to base to put him to bed. Steve had not argued with him or told him he was wrong. He simply sat and listened to him. As he sobbed, he told him that he would never leave him unless forced to by forces beyond his control.

"I just feel like I can't do anything right anymore. I've lost everything. This place used to feel more, but it's now suffocating me." Buck croaked, trying his hardest to keep his emotions in check but failing miserably. He was so afraid of disappointing people that he was willing to let LA become his tome. Maybe dying where he messed everything up was for the best after all. It felt like LA had been plotting his death from the moment he stepped foot in the city, and for some reason, he had escaped with his life thus far.

"Perhaps you need to find a new home; have you ever been to Hawaii?" Steve inquired. But he could hear the optimism in Steve's voice about his plan. "What's the harm in giving it a shot?" He added quickly, leaving little room for him to consider that it was just a passing thought.

"Are you serious?" Buck asked. He'd never been to Hawaii before, but he remembered Steve telling him about it so many times that he felt like he'd been there. Perhaps it was time for him to go on another adventure with his brother.

"Of course, I am, I have a spare room and I was recently told that I haven't been using my days off properly, so why not?" Steve said, and he could almost hear his brother shrug his shoulders in response to his remark. Staying with Steve saved him money on looking for a hotel or a room, but it also meant he was messing with Steve's life. He would deprive him of much-needed sleep and use his vacation to deal with his mess.

"I don't want to get in your way..." He began to explain, hoping Steve would simply drop it. No matter how badly he wanted to go.

"You wouldn't, hell gives me an excuse to avoid those upcoming meetings with HPD that I've been told I have to attend," Steve explained, and he knew he was correct. Steve was never a good team player. "Danny is always better than those things than me," Steve added without saying anything. "He claims I don't get along with others." But he said it in such a way that he thought Steve wanted him to disagree, even though the statement was completely true.

"It's true in a way." He countered.

"Hey, you're supposed to be on my side." Steve snapped back, but he knew there was no anger behind his words. "Anyway, is that a yes to staying with me for a while?" He then inquired once more, but Buck could tell that Steve was only doing so as a courtesy. He recognised something in Steve's voice, a tone that said he was going to get his way whether he wanted it or not. He mostly used it when informing higher-ups about what was going to happen.

"I have work," Buck explained quietly. He was back at work, despite his desire to visit his brother. If he was still on medical leave, he wouldn't be arguing with Steve as much, but he wasn’t he was on 'light' duty, or whatever Bobby called it now. He couldn't just leave, even though no one would miss him. They would, however, miss their servant. If the chores weren't done, that would be a dead giveaway that he wasn't there.

"Kid, you're not in any shape to work," Steve pointed out.

And Buck knew he was right. He shouldn't be at work if he was feeling this way. The department did have plans in place for situations like this; mental health was becoming more prevalent in emergency services, and he knew they would try to help him if he told them. At the same time, he knew that even if the department didn't use his mental issues against him, Bobby and the others would. They would simply use it to persuade the chiefs that he was unfit for duty. And, for the time being, they and his doctors were the only ones who knew he was ready. But what if they were correct? Maybe he wasn't ready? He had simply concluded that topping himself was better for everyone and that perhaps he was no longer fit to wear the uniform. But who was he if he couldn't wear the uniform?

"I know what you're thinking, kid, but for a change, stop thinking about everyone else and start thinking about yourself. What do you want to do?" Steve's voice pierced his skull. It appears that his brother knew him far too well.

"I can't," he said quietly. He sounded exactly like a scared little kid.

“Why? Can you explain why you can't?" Steve insisted. The harshness in Steve's voice made him flinch slightly. But he didn't jump as he did with others because he knew Steve's rage wasn't directed at him, but rather at the 118.

"They already think I'm selfish, and if I leave, it just proves it," Buck grumbled. He despised himself for becoming so vulnerable in the eyes of others. Why had he allowed his defences to crumble? Why had he thought he could start a new life after destroying his old one?

"You are not selfish." Steve exploded. And then he heard his brother begin to pace again, and the sound of the ocean faded into the background. Steve was either near the water or there was a storm. Steve then sighed and hung up the phone. "Yes, the lawsuit wasn't the best idea, but what else were you going to do? Stay at your desk until you retire? We both know you'd go insane working at a desk. That is not your personality." Steve was correct; if he had been forced to work at a desk for the rest of his life, he would have died. He couldn't have done it, and neither could any of his old team. But that was the nature of the job; they thrived on the action and adrenaline rush. And the prospect of being confined to a desk terrified them.

He also didn't ask how Steve found out about the lawsuit, but he had a feeling he did how. His brothers were always keeping an eye on him, even if they weren't in the same state. Nonetheless, he knew that no matter how little Steve knew about what was going on, he had a sneaking suspicion that Steve knew more than he was letting on. It was one of Steve's trade secrets; he always knew how to read him. And right now, he was attempting to keep him from falling over the edge.

"And since you wouldn't let me fly out and handle this for you..." Buck felt himself shaking his head as Steve added. He knew exactly what Steve would do if he came to Los Angeles, and it would be harmful to everyone. Steve was the most protective of his brothers. Maybe it was because he was their commanding officer, or maybe it was just him, but whatever it was, he was grateful for it. He also knew that Steve's protectiveness could get him in trouble, and as much as he wanted to see Steve rip into the 118, he didn't want Steve to get in trouble because of him.

“Steve…” Buck began to speak, hoping that because Steve already knew he didn't want him involved in this, he would simply listen to him. That didn't mean he couldn't stop Steve from venting his rage. On the other hand, he knew he had to be careful what he said because if he said the wrong thing, everything was off, and Steve would be on the first flight to LA.

“What? They hurt my younger brother; I'd kill people for less..." Buck could almost see the grin that usually appeared on Steve's face when he was planning something. It wasn't a light-hearted smile, but rather a sinister one. When he wanted to be, Steve could be frightening.

"Athena is a cop..." Buck muttered as if that alone would be enough to deter his brother.

"So I am, and Sam is a fed. I'm sure we could find a place to hide a body or two without fear of being discovered." Steve responded. He hated his brothers at times. However, he wouldn't rule out the possibility. Not the killing and burying of the bodies, because he could believe it, but they wouldn't harm him. Even though the 118 despised him, he still cared about them.

"So not helping..." He started to say something but stopped himself and sighed loudly. "Are you sure?" He inquired softly.

“Deadly,” Steve said with a firm tone that he meant business.

"Not about killing them... about me staying with you?" He shook his head, but then asked the question that had been running through his mind since Steve offered him a place to stay.

"You already know I am," Steve spoke softly. And any harsh tones or playful remarks had vanished from his voice.

"OK, then I'll request some time off and book the flight." He said this as his entire body shook. He felt liberated just by saying the words. His body was relaxing because he was leaving. He was going somewhere where he didn't have to be on high alert all the time. He could finally unwind without fear of being attacked both physically and mentally. Steve would shield him. But all he could hear in his head was Bobby's voice laughing at him, telling him that he had proven him right about not being ready to return. But he couldn't listen to that voice any longer; he needed to listen to his brother, whom he trusted more.

"All right, just let me know your flight information and I'll pick you up. What are you going to do with all your stuff?" Buck could almost see Steve making a list of everything he needed to do before he arrived, as Steve asked. He also noticed that Steve had mentioned his belongings, and he had a feeling that after this trip, he would not want to return to LA permanently. It hadn't felt like home since the bombing, so maybe he just needed to move on, as everyone had told him.

"Yer, I'll text you the flight number, and everything that matters to me fits in two bags - everything else I don't need." He didn't feel bad about admitting that everything he owned could fit into two bags... well, one and a half bags. Everything else was either too large to fit or held too many painful memories. If he couldn't sell it, he'd just put it in storage. When he left the last time, his entire life could fit into a single bag. For some reason, he had allowed himself to accumulate more belongings, believing that this was his new home. That was a terrible oversight. If he wasn't coming back, he'd have more problems to deal with.

"I thought you had better roots than that kid," Steve grumbled. And he knew Steve was right; he should have gotten better at establishing roots by now. However, nothing ever seems to work out for him.

"I'm not coming back here, Steve... not at the moment anyway," Buck said. He might find the strength to return to LA and continue working, but he knew deep down that he couldn't return to the loft. It held far too many painful memories. He thought he had everything he ever wanted when he first brought it, a great job, an amazing girlfriend, and a family who wanted and cared for him. He now had nothing. "I know someone who needs a place; I'll rent it to them." He added as he looked around the loft he used to adore. But he didn't need it any longer, and he didn't love it as much as he used to. But he knew exactly who would.

He had plenty of time to talk to other firefighters because he was stuck at the station. It appeared that not everyone despised him. Charlie from another shift had asked him in passing if he knew of any cheap places to rent because he had an old friend from another firehouse who was looking for a place to live. Helping another firefighter felt right, and at the very least he knew the place would be well cared for.

"Are you certain you want to do that, kid? I thought you loved the loft. Are you ready to burn that bridge just now?" Steve queried, his voice full of worry. He was aware that Steve was concerned that pushing him to go to Hawaii was a bad idea at the time, but he desperately needed it. Leaving LA was always an option and renting out the loft meant he was still getting money into his accounts because he knew that taking a leave of absence would stop any money coming from the department unless he had holidays remaining.

"Perhaps I should... but right now, I need to get out of here, Steve." He muttered hastily. More than leaving, admitting to Steve that he needed an escape terrified him. Steve would interpret his need for an escape as a big red flag.

"You've always got me, kid," Steve said softly.

Buck felt a sensation he hadn't felt in a long time wash over him. The comforting sensation of love. He could tell Steve cared about him. He saw him as his annoying little brother, but a brother, nonetheless. He didn't have to be concerned about Steve betraying him the way others had. He was the only person with whom he had faith. He had thought that he would never be able to trust again after his life had imploded and he had been betrayed by the love of his life. Not even Steve, but he was wrong. Steve was there to help him. Will keep an eye on his back so he can rest, as he has done for every mission. He was his family, and he knew he could rely on him.

"Thanks, Steve," Buck muttered into the phone. Perhaps he could restart his life with a little help from his brother.

Chapter Text

"Knock, knock. Anyone home?." Sam called as he entered his younger brother's flat. The flat belonging to his younger brother was pleasant and airy. Modern with a few nods to the building's previous era. Sam had sat and observed as a tiny moving truck sitting outside the front door was filled with his younger brother's belongings. It wasn't much, and that worried him a little. He had written down the name of the business and asked Eric to find out the truck's destination because he was aware that Bomber had rented a locker somewhere in LA as he had but didn't know its location. It turned out that his little brother's locker was based at a storage facility close to LAX. He had the impression that the young man was still clinging to something in Los Angeles and was using the fact that he still had things that belonged to him here to return. However, it also allowed him to leave LA without having to come back because all he had to do was request that the locker be emptied and delivered to the location of his choice.

He had been surprised by the building itself when he had initially driven up in front of his younger brother's residence. He could understand the appeal because when he had first received the address, he had performed some due diligence to ensure that everything was legal and that it was secure enough for him to shelter his brother. It was a decently attractive building located in a safe neighbourhood with no crime. Although the building was well-maintained for its age in comparison to other structures in LA, he couldn't imagine his younger brother living there.

Even if he rented a place to live, Bomber always found a property with a good character, a historic history, and a natural setting nearby. His style always caught everyone's attention. One without the other was impossible for him. Although this location has a historic past, it lacked any kind of natural beauty. His brother didn't really need to be surrounded by anything natural if it wasn't possible as he would just set up one instead. At one place he made a makeshift garden on the roof of one of his apartments, and it was so successful that it served as a lure for prospective tenants. Additionally, the kid had made sure that nature had a foothold in his house. They made the joke that he was beginning to develop his own forest in his flat at one point since he had so many plants. On top of that, he had asked a neighbour to water the plants every day while they were overseas.

Bomber also like learning about the history of the places he visited, and before relocating, he would frequently spend months doing so. He had once advised him that one method to look back into the past was to immerse oneself in a building's history. He became such a skilled painter because of that. He was a great painter of the past. He had painted a picture of an abandoned building that they had discovered while out hiking together. The building had been entirely engulfed by the surrounding landscape, and when the painting was finished, he could see the beauty the young boy had been describing. In the young artist's paintings, history seems to come to life. He had witnessed their youngster's actual brilliance during one deployment when the command had decided that having two seal teams live together was a good idea.

They had jokingly said that it was because the command believed they could better handle the turmoil. Steve and his crew had taken up their bunks before his team's arrival so they had to take what was left. They had all noted that the kid's bunk had already been lightly decorated with small sketches that appeared to be photographs at first glance. The Eiffel Tower, the Pyramid of Giza, and the Taj Mahal were among the landmarks he recognised. But there were some he didn't. One appeared to be an ancient city's old city street. He had intended to ask him where it was but had never found the appropriate time. Bomber had also made certain that he found a plant to bring to their bunkhouse to offer some colour to the bare brown room. For whatever reason and without even being asked, they had taken turns watering it. And if the kid had been injured, they formed a silent pack to ensure his plants lived for him.

Sam could see how empty his brother's house was when he stepped through the open door. He could see clear traces of how decorated the place used to be, such as spots where pictures used to hang or where the dust had created spaces on top of the units. They were all gone, and he had a feeling that they weren't in his brother's luggage to take with him. Their youngster was certainly severing as many ties as he could with the place before abandoning it altogether and it worried him even more.

According to what he could tell about the apartment, even with practically all of his personal stuff gone, the boy appeared to have tried to settle down once more here. And he had seen it too. He was relieved to see Bomber happy again every time he had decided to check on him from a distance. He appeared to have finally created a new life for himself. While he knew his little brother could look after himself, and could even take him down if necessary, he couldn't help but fear that he was going to lose his little brother in some way. That's why, once he knew the kid was missing, and because he was already working for NCIS, he set up an alert on the kid's identity to alert him instantly if his name appeared on any system.

He needed to know where his brother was in case he needed assistance and couldn't contact them. He understood, however, that he couldn't get too involved in their youngster's life because the kid would never let him. Yet, the actual reason he hadn't personally searched for Bomber was the talk he forced Steve to have with him the instant he learned of the kid's disappearance.

He'd been on a case when he ran into Darren Quinn, a Seal with whom both Bomber and he had previously worked. Quinn had merely remarked in passing that he had heard that Bomber had been discharged and had simply vanished. He had called Steve as soon as he had been able to. He needed to know what had happened since he last saw Bomber. And he got more than he bargained for when, after attempting to call the kid's phone but discovering that it had already been disconnected, he called Steve in the hopes of getting answers from him. And he had.

Steve had been intoxicated by the time he responded, which Sam appreciated because Steve had incredibly loose lips when he was both emotional and drunk. Even more so when the kid was involved. It had only taken Steve five minutes to tell him everything he knew. After Steve had done it, Sam sat in silence for a few minutes, trying to figure out what favours he would require and what resources he would need to locate Bomber. Steve, on the other hand, had stopped him. He'd yelled at his brother shortly after that. He wasn't proud of what he said to Steve that day, but he knew his brother didn't hold anything against him. After he had calmed down, he let Steve explain why he had to let him go despite the fact that every fibre of his being urged him not to. He wouldn't have halted at Steve's word alone if it hadn't been for the vow Steve had forced Bomber to make. The kid and Steve shared an unwavering relationship. And any agreement established between the two was unbreakable. He had grown estranged from his brothers, including Steve, over the years. He hadn't actually interacted with Steve very much before the Bomber's disappearance act, and afterwards, he had pretty much-cut contact unless he counted the time, he worked with Steve's team, to which he had sent a quick text telling him that he had put together a decent team there.

As a result, he was taken aback when Steve called him in the middle of the night. The sound of his phone ringing had awakened him up soon after he had fallen asleep; it was the first night of his week off, so being woken up by the sound of his phone ringing infuriated him. He didn't care if it was Callen or Hetty that called him; he wasn't supposed to be contacted. When he answered the phone, he snapped violently at the caller, not bothering to check the caller ID because he didn't care who was calling. He simply wanted to tell them to fuck off. He had to admit, however, that he was taken aback when Steve's voice came through the phone. It didn't improve his mood, but it did stop him from interrupting Steve whilst he explained that their kid brother was in danger.

He jumped out of bed and exited the room, knowing that this conversation would last more than a few minutes and being concerned that he might wake Michelle up by talking. When the phone started to ring, she had already whispered about shooting him if he didn't stop making noise. And he trusted her.

Steve clearly hadn't noticed the time when he made the call, but if it affected Bomber, he didn't care. Hearing from Steve how near their little brother was to suicide terrified him more than anything else. He didn't bother explaining why he told Steve he didn't need the kid's address because he had a hunch he wasn't the only one who had made efforts to keep track of the kid. His kid brother needed him.

It had taken about two and a half hours to get the entire story out of Steve, which included him going on his laptop to do his own investigation. He downloaded stories on the bombing (much of which he already knew because he had done his best to keep track of what was disclosed about the kid) and then the lawsuit. He knew a lot more than what was printed, but he was curious to see how the media communicated the information because he knew Bomber would have read it.

He couldn't sleep after finishing the phone call with Steve after he had promised that he would drive the kid to the airport himself. He had become too awake to go back to sleep. He'd started to pace his living room for forty minutes after the call had finished. Their youngster was hurt and on the verge of suicide, which scared him more than anything. He hadn't jumped in his car and driven to the kid's house because he knew he was just too angry to drive just now. He wouldn't be able to drive safely. However, after cooling down, it was Michelle who prevented him from leaving. He knew she was concerned after he explained everything to her when she demanded answers to what was going on. She had warned him that if he showed up out of nowhere just after he opened his heart to Steve, it would exacerbate the problem. But a part of him wanted to rush over to his younger brother and hold him till he was sure he was still with them. Their family was on the verge of burying another of his brothers, and it was only a silly pledge that saved them from that misery.

Sam wished he had reached out to Bomber more than a few times since learning where he was. He had, however, always talked himself out of it. Few of them discovered their second calling in life, and after doing some study, he reasoned that perhaps the youngster's luck had changed because it sounded like the boy had found his. Being a firefighter wasn't the safest job in the world, but at least he didn't have to worry about the youngster getting shot. However, from what he'd heard, the kid hadn't had much luck staying out of trouble. And he had shown his concern to Michelle every time the kid's name was mentioned.

Michelle had met their youngster at one of the team meet-ups they had attended, and she had basically adopted him after that. Everyone fell in love with him. Even for a former CIA agent. She was as protective over Bomber as a mother bear. Every time he was wounded, she would rearrange her plans to take care of him. She wouldn't listen even if Bomber informed her it wasn't necessary. She had wanted to accompany him, but he had declined since he wanted Bomber to have an open dialogue with him. He didn't think Bomber was in a situation to lie to them, but he knew the boy would blame himself for causing her grief. So he came alone, but he arrived a few hours early because he wanted to get him talking before letting him go. Even if it meant using his badge to get him on the plane.

As he proceeded deeper into the flat, he saw one thing: he wasn't alone. A tall blonde-haired man stood in the kitchen, but he wasn't looking for the blonde man he was looking for. From what he could tell, the man was younger than Bomber and had a lot of muscle, which might indicate he worked with the youngster, but he wasn't about to risk guessing.

"Can I help you?" The man inquired, alarmed by his presence in the flat as the man looked up from his phone.

"Yes, I'm looking for Bomber," Sam said as he cautiously placed his hand on his concealed weapon. He didn't want to frighten the man, but he wasn't about to endanger his younger brother. He was aware that his protectiveness was a result of what had occurred, yet he couldn't help himself. He could never, ever let his guard down when Bomber was concerned. Another concerning sign was that the man in front of him did not match any of Bomber's crew files, despite his careful examination of them.

“Bomber?” The man questioned, confused. The man's accent obviously indicated that he was from Los Angeles, and he could see no tattoos or marks, but it didn't signify anything. However, before he could respond to the man's query, a voice broke the silence.

“Sam?” A voice from the staircase forced him to turn swiftly, and his gaze was ultimately drawn to the man he had come to see. However, the man who was in front of him was not the person he remembered, which made him even more concerned.

He remembered a boy who had a fire inside him that could light up a room and was so full of energy that they had joked about needing to remove his batteries to have some peace. But that seemed like a faraway memory right now. The kid appeared to be broken. His skin was pale, and black rings encircled his dull blue eyes. Someone had hurt their brother, and the fire within him raged angrily at the thought. He was ready to hurt whoever had hurt their little brother. He needed someone else to hurt him for what they had done to him.

"You look like shit, Bomber," Sam reported. He was never one to mince words, especially when it came to the health of his brothers. What scared him the most was that he had seen a photo of the kid after the tsunami, and while he didn't look his best, he looked a lot better then than he did now.

"Thank you for that. Nice to see you too." Buck grumbled as he walked down the stairs, carrying his bag. He had expected Sam to appear out of nowhere, but he had a feeling he knew why. "What exactly are you doing here? Don't you have some sort of case?" He queried as he placed the bag next to the other bag at the bottom of the stairs. He knew Sam would have seen the bags and felt guilty the moment he saw them. He was supposed to have made a new life here and broken his bad habits.

But, after everything he'd been through, he just wanted to go back to his old life. Living out of a bag with no plans to return anywhere. He had tried to create a more complete life for himself, collecting items that demonstrated who he was attempting to be so that others could see it. But he was never a fan of unnecessary stuff. He could fit everything he needed to survive in two bags and a rucksack.

Sam quickly picked up on the kid's mood and the way he tried to push him out the door by mentioning a case concerned him even more.Bomber was trying to get rid of him. He knew the kid knew he'd gone to NCIS after retiring, but he also noticed the look he gave him. Bomber was trying to figure out why he had appeared despite the fact that he knew exactly why.

"Nope, no case. It appears that criminals have taken a few days off; Steve called and said you might need a ride to the airport, that's all." Sam stated calmly as if he was constantly having conversations with Steve. Bomber didn't need to know that Steve had only called to talk about him. He knew Bomber would already be blaming himself for dragging Steve into this, and he didn't want him to hate himself even more for dragging him into it as well.

“Great… Steve called you." Buck muttered angrily as he opened one of the bags and slipped a black leather pouch inside it trying to avoid drawing attention to it.

Sam hadn't even noticed the pouch until he saw Bomber place it in the bag. But he didn't need to ask what the pouch was because he knew what was inside it right away. He had a similar one in his safe at home. He kept his off-duty weapon in it, and he wasn't surprised that Bomber did as well. He knew he had kept his permit to carry and, like them, had a good stash of weapons strewn about just in case.

And he knew Bomber had the same, but they must be stored somewhere else as neither of the bags could hold the kid's arsenal. Getting those through airport security would be another issue that the kid didn't need to deal with right now. With his assistance, a simple Glock should be no problem but the type of arsenal that he only could guess Bomber had would be a problem.

"He just mentioned that you needed a ride to the airport and asked if I was available," Sam shrugged. He knew Bomber had a talent for spotting lies; he could beat Hetty at it, so he knew he had to be honest enough that the kid would just accept it. But just seeing the kid made Sam worried that he was dangerously close to the edge and that saying the wrong word would send him over.

“Great…” Buck muttered again, shaking his head, before returning his attention to Sam. He knew Sam hadn't taken his gaze away from him since he'd come down and begins completely forgetting about Kyle, who had figured out that they knew each other and had returned to the kitchen. He knew he could still hear them, but they weren't going to discuss top-secret information in public.

"It was just a quick call, kid," Sam said with a smile, providing Bomber with a little more information than he desired for a reason. This was not the kid he remembered; he appeared to have lost his fight. It was worth a shot to see if jarring like they used to help.

“Quick call? Yer right, how long were you on the phone?” " Buck snapped back; Sam could tell when Buck was lying, and it was as clear as day right now, which irritated him to no end.

Sam was taken aback by the kid's anger; Bomber was clearly ready for a fight right now. He acted as if he was attempting to enrage Sam enough for him to leave him alone. There was a glimmer of the fire that used to burn so brightly that he worried a few times during operations that the kid would do something so reckless that he'd get killed. "Give or take an hour or two..." Sam shrugged his shoulders once more. He wasn't going to lie to the kid any longer because he could tell Bomber was on the verge of losing it. And Bomber wasn't stupid; he would have deduced that Steve had called to ask him to check on him.

Buck just looked at him for a moment, looking for any indication that Sam was lying to him. “Great.” He realised then that no matter what he did, he wasn't going to get rid of Sam anytime soon. He wouldn't be surprised if Sam handcuffed him to his car if he tried to leave without him.

"What did you expect? I hadn't heard from you in more than three years." Sam stated as he moved closer to Bomber. He knew it was a cheap shot that would only make the kid feel worse than he already did, but how else could he explain the long phone call if the kid thought he and Steve talked more than they did?

Buck loathed himself even more now than before now. He'd tried to keep his distance from his old teammates so they wouldn't be drawn into his mess again. When something went wrong in his life, his team was always there for him, dropping whatever they were doing to help him. And he had no right to ask them to do it again after leaving the way he did, which was why he hadn't bothered contacting Sam when he moved to LA. He should have been able to handle this on his own; after all, he was a Navy Seal and a firefighter. He needs to get his act together. And yet, here he was, relying heavily on his brothers once more.

Sam kept a close eye on Bomber but backed up a little so he could rest his back against the hallway wall. He was well aware that crowding the child was a bad idea. He didn't look like much, but Bomber was even more dangerous when he wasn't armed. Everyone who knew Bomber now probably saw him as a fun young kid with no bad bone in his body, but that was because they had never seen him in a fight. Bomber was as dangerous as it got. And this was especially true when he was angry or in pain. But he didn't appear to want to fight right now; instead, he appeared to be ready to flee. And he needed to be prepared for it. But as he watched Bomber more closely, he realised that he wasn't going to bolt; instead, he was going to break down right in front of him. And the thought of it scared him more than him bolting.

Buck wiped his brow and muttered, "I'm sorry," to Sam without looking at him. He could feel his emotions rising to the surface once more, just as they had when he called Steve. And, with Kyle nearby, he had to be careful what he said or did. He didn't want a rumour spreading about all of this. He felt a weight lift off his shoulders when he sent his leave of absence with immediate effect to HQ, which he hadn't felt since the bombing.

Maybe it was because he didn't have to worry about what comment or order would be thrown his way to make him feel small, or maybe it was simply because he didn't have to see the painful harsh glares that followed him around the room. But, as much as it hurt, he needed to flee once more. He needed people he could trust, and the man in front of him was one of them. And he had disappointed him, as he had disappointed everyone he cared about. He always found a way to let them down.

Sam looked at Bomber for a little longer than was necessary. Right now, the kid reminds him of when he was standing in front of Aiden and Kamran when one or both of them had done something wrong. It broke him, even more, to see his younger brother acting like this as if he was just waiting to be told off, regardless of whether it was his fault or not. Every second he was with his little brother, the fatherly instinct that he normally kept deep down and only allowed to show when he was with his family began to grow stronger.

When he reflected on his first meeting with him, he realised that the strong overpowering feeling of needing to protect him was the same feeling he felt every time he looked at his children and his wife. When Steve had notified him that Bomber was in danger, all he wanted to do was run to Bomber, wrap him in his arms, and never let him go again. To keep him safe from those who would harm him and to make things better for him. That is what any father would want for his child. Yes, the kid was an adult, but he couldn't and didn't want to stop that feeling. Bomber had no family outside of the teams, and he desperately needed that family right now.

"Don't apologise to me kiddo, I could have called," Sam said softly, hoping the kid would realise he wasn't berating him for not calling him, and moved cautiously towards him. They were both to blame for their lack of communication. Life gets in the way, he knew that was a given, but he couldn't recall the last time he spoke to any of his former brothers.

Before relaxing a little, he waited until Bomber nodded at his comment or showed him some kind of sign that he understood what he had said. He knew this wasn't the end of the conversation, but he was happy to end it until they were alone. He had to keep reminding himself that they weren't alone because normally he could talk to him about anything. But they couldn't risk anything right now because there was a civilian in the room.

Buck nodded in response to Sam's remark that he could have called as well, but he didn't believe him. The burden should not fall on someone who has a wife, children, and a dangerous job that could kill him. No, Sam had too many responsibilities to be concerned with texting his idiotic younger brother, who only caused problems. No, Sam was not to blame. But he knew he couldn't convince Sam that it wasn't his fault because he was trying to protect him. As is customary.

He looked up, knowing that this topic was over for the time being, with a blank expression. For the time being, he needed to repress his emotions. "So... you're my lift? I had no idea I needed one?" He hoped he had misheard Sam when he first entered the room. He'd put his Jeep in storage with the rest of his belongings because he didn't want to pay for airport parking. So he planned to take a cab to the airport instead.

Since Steve was making him stay with him he didn't need to worry about money, however, he had made certain that he had enough in case Steve needed his space back. He knew that his brother would never kick him out no matter what he did but again Steve, like Sam, had a stressful job and needed space to decompress. As a result, he had to be prepared to leave at any time. He'd even looked into places to stay. He would never be a burden to his brothers again.

Sam smiled, knowing exactly what Bomber was saying. "Saves you money on a taxi." He added. He knew Bomber wouldn't leave his jeep at the airport because it meant too much to him, it had been there throughout his soul-searching trips, but it was too easy to locate. He remembered carefully reading Sergeant Athena Grant's file and knowing that once word got out that the kid was missing, she would try to find him. He'd already put things in place to conceal his whereabouts in case she went looking for him.

He began to move towards the kid's bags as they were on a time crunch, so they needed to get moving if he wanted to have a long and difficult conversation with him before allowing him to board the plane. He reached down and picked up the bags. He wasn't going to say anything to him, but there wasn't much weight between them. He had the impression that the only contents inside them were documents he needed to carry with him, his gun, clothing, and toiletries. They used to call them 'go bags’ as they always had to pack light. And they were the same bags they had used while deployed. Sam couldn't help but think Bomber wanted a way out in case he needed it.

"Is this everything?" He didn't want to make the kid feel bad, but he needed to make sure the kid had everything he needed so he didn't have to return if he didn't have to. Whatever had happened to the kid had broken him in ways that far outweighed the firefights and betrayal he had already experienced.

"Yer, that's everything," Buck said, aware that his voice sounded defeated, but he couldn't help himself.

Sam looked at him as he rose with the bags. The sound of the kid's voice was enough to break him. It was as if Bomber was composing his own confession for a crime. Sam, on the other hand, knew that the real reason for the kid's defeated demeanour was that Bomber saw leaving as failing others. He'd always put others first, no matter how much damage he had caused himself. If the kid was any more stubborn, or if the promise wasn't in place, Sam knew Bomber would struggle until he reached the edge. Whatever the outcome was; whether he made it out alive or not. Sam had a bad feeling that if the promise wasn't in effect, he wouldn't have reached out to anyone; instead, they'd only be informed of the kid's death. He never liked burying his brothers but burying his little brother would break him and everyone else Bomber had ever worked with.

"Then I'll take them down to the car and wait for you down there..." Sam explained that he knew this would be the kid's last chance to look around his flat before leaving and that because he was taking his bags, Bomber would have to accompany him. "Don't be too long, I've got the metre running," Sam said as he walked out the door, smiling.

"I wouldn't," Buck replied with a chuckle. It felt good to smile again, and he never expected Sam to make him do it. Normally, his older brother was far more serious, unless he was heavily intoxicated, but he was grateful for that right now. When Sam left with his bags, he wanted nothing more than to run after him and grab hold of him, preventing him from leaving again. He didn't want to bother his brothers, but he needed them right now.

Buck sighed again and turned to face Kyle, who was still standing in the kitchen. He was relieved that Kyle didn't try to intervene in his and Sam's conversation. He didn't want to hide his brother, but he was protective of him despite the fact that he was older than him. He knew that the cases Sam dealt with were classified since he worked with NCIS's special projects. That meant they had to be cautious around normal people. He could trust Kyle to keep quiet about his departure, but he couldn't put Kyle in danger if someone came after him or Sam.

"Sorry about that, Sam's an old friend," Buck explained as he entered the kitchen to retrieve his rucksack from the kitchen island. It contained his passport, boarding pass, medication and his burner phone, which he only used in emergency situations like this one when he couldn't risk using his own phone. And he had no intention of using it now because he knew Athena would be able to track him. He also felt compelled to explain himself. Sam had a frightening presence about him, and for him to appear like that on Kyle, he could tell it had rattled the man.

Kyle looked up from his phone as he spoke, knowing that the entire situation must be weighing heavily on the man's mind. In the previous few hours, a lot had happened. He began packing everything he needed to take and what he was leaving behind after getting off the phone with Steve and emailing HQ. If he was honest and still had all the moving boxes from when he moved in, it didn't take long. The only thing he had to worry about was what he was going to do with his apartment. He only remembered a comment on an LAFD firefighter notices board about a firefighter from a nearby house looking for a place to live by chance.

Kyle was a year behind him in the academy and had heard from others that he was turning out to be a fantastic firefighter. He cared about and enjoyed his job. Just like he did before. And since his apartment was not far from Kyle's station, it made sense to let him let it.

“Don’t worry about it…” Kyle smiled as he pocketed his phone, but then looked him in the eyes and said, "...but he's not wrong, you look like crap." He continued, pointing at him.

Buck shook his head and smiled; he must look bad if everyone kept pointing it out to him. Yes, he was tired and dun in, but he must have looked a lot worse than he thought. Hopefully, just being with his brother might help, and seeing Sam had helped in ways he never imagined. Perhaps seeing Steve would help him sort out the rest of his issues. “Thanks…” With a smile, he said. It wasn't the real thing, but it would have to suffice.

Before slipping his keys over the counter to Kyle, he collected them from the corner and double-checked that he had removed the storage locker key, his safe key (which he kept in the storage locker), and his keychain. “Here are your keys to the apartment, the garage and the front door.” He said this while pointing at them. He'd given his Jeep key to the storage guys, who had driven it to the locker for him because he didn't trust himself to drive with no sleep and no way to get back.

He waited until Kyle nodded before continuing, as Kyle pocketed the keys. “If you have any problems or need any help then Mr Norton, the building manager, will sort anything out for you and will let me know how much any repairs will cost.” He'd talked to Mr Norton as soon as he'd contacted Kyle about renting out the place. He needed someone he could rely on to ensure that any repairs were completed. It was then that he discovered Mr Norton had been recovering from heart surgery during Natalia's problems, which was why he hadn't gotten around to resolving them.

Kyle nodded as if he was trying to remember everything he was saying while something else was going through his mind. Buck could see it, and he was relieved that he had jotted down all the information Kyle might require on a pad of paper next to the television.

“Buck… Are you sure you got the right price for this place?" Kyle inquired, almost as if he was afraid to hear the answer to his own question.

Buck sighed and smiled, "Yes, for the last time. That is the monthly rent for this place." Buck could tell his fellow firefighter had been concerned about the cost when he first saw the place. When Kyle joked about not knowing if he had enough furniture to fill the space, Buck assured him that all of the large pieces would remain and only a few bits would be moved into storage. He was more than happy to lower the rent costs to assist another firefighter because he had purchased the property outright with his savings. And with Kyle here, he could make sure Natalia and Miss Herriot were well taken care of.

"But this place is worth three times that amount; are you sure the landlord agreed to that price? Because I won't be able to afford it if they raise the price next month." Kyle inquired.

Buck understood Kyle's concerns; the prices of apartments like this were much higher than the figure he had given Kyle, but it wasn't like he needed the money. He only wanted to help one more person before leaving. "The rent would not go up since this is my own place," Buck explained.

“What?” Kyle asked shocked.

Buck began to feel uneasy; money had never been an issue for him. He had, however, never told anyone how much he had. Everyone he thought cared about him saw him as a stupid college kid. And he didn't want to bring it up with Kyle too much, but if it made him feel better that he wasn't putting him off by charging too low, then so be it.

"I purchased the loft outright. And because I don't have a mortgage, I can charge whatever I want. Remember that I am also aware of how little we are paid." He joked a little at the end. It wasn't a lie either; they weren't paid that much for the job they did. It might be a little better than in the Navy, but at least he got hazard pay in addition to his deployment pay.

Kyle gave a puzzled expression as he finished explaining. He initially assumed that he was still puzzled as to how he had been able to afford this flat, but when Kyle looked at him again, he realised that there was something else going on.

“You’re not coming back to LA, are you?” Kyle queried softly, as if he was concerned about Buck breaking.

"I'm not sure..." Buck stated truthfully. He hadn't given much thought to what he would do if he returned to Los Angeles. He still wanted to help people, but he wasn't sure he had the strength to face the 118 again. He might never do it, but he had to keep the option open, didn't he?

“Look…” Kyle stated that he was moving around the island to get a better view of Buck. "... if you do return, I know my captain at the 136 would take you without hesitation."

"Even after all that has happened?" Buck inquired, sadly. He'd heard his name mentioned by the other captains ever since he'd beat nearly all of the course records after being cleared. But, after the lawsuit, he assumed that he would be permanently blacklisted from all other stations.

"Are you serious? If you ever leave the 118, I know five captains who have put their names down for you. And I heard someone at HQ say that they are still getting requests from out-of-state houses looking at you." Kyle exclaimed excitedly as if it were breaking news at HQ.

Buck was stunned to learn that he was wanted by other houses. That didn't make sense; hadn't he betrayed the brotherhood? But, as he reflected more carefully, he remembered meeting with the chief after the lawsuit was dropped, and he had apologised to Buck for failing him for so long. In that meeting, he requested that Bobby not be punished for what had occurred.

The chief had not understood it, but he had done as instructed. It however didn't help his case because many people assumed that when Bobby had gotten away with holding him back, he must have lost the case. If he felt he could survive returning to LA, perhaps trying a new house would be a better option for him. However, it meant that he would have to prove himself all over again and make new friends. He didn't avoid talking to a few firefighters from other houses; he just didn't hang out with any of them.

However, before he could even consider returning to LA, he knew he needed to heal. Allow his brothers to assist him and then see if he feels up to returning. "I'll consider it." As he picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder, he said softly. He had a lot on his mind.

“Good. And thank you once more for allowing me to rent from you," Kyle said with a smile. "I was on the verge of murdering my brother if I had to stay with him and his wife any longer." He then added a little laughter, which made Buck laugh as well.

Kyle had informed him that since graduating from the academy, he had been forced to live with his brother and his wife because his parents had kicked him out for being gay. Kyle was raised in a strict Catholic household. And when he came out as gay, he was thrown out and left to fend for himself.

Buck had experienced this fear as a kid. He'd always known he liked men as well as women, and his most serious and meaningful relationships had always been with men. However, after his previous relationship, in which his heart was not only broken but stepped on and squished, he never bothered to date another guy.

Throughout school, he had been terrified that his parents would discover that he was interested in guys and immediately kick him out. It would give them a good reason to get rid of him, but unlike Kyle's parents, there would be no second chances. According to Kyle, things had improved with his parents, but there was still tension. This happened after they had witnessed a fire at Kyle's house, and he had been injured as a result of it. It was slow going, but Buck could tell Kyle was relieved that things had improved. He was aware that the older generation was more resistant to change, especially when religion was involved. He was happy for Kyle, though, because at least his parents were trying to understand him better. He'd even told him that his father had accompanied him to a pride march.

"I know how siblings can drive you insane," Buck admitted sadly. As much as he missed Maddie, she hadn't made leaving difficult. She had not stood up for him; instead, she had gone along with everyone else and told him that he couldn't be a firefighter anymore. He had been so helpful to her when she first arrived in LA and with everything that had happened with Doug but when he needed help, she was nowhere to be found.

"Tell me about it... I adore them, but there's a reason why I'm gay." Kyle burst out laughing. When his parents were kicked out, his brother supported him, which is why he moved in with him. And, thankfully, his brother's wife had been as open and helpful as well. Kyle, on the other hand, had complained about having to listen to them make his new nephew or niece every couple of days. Buck had laughed at that remark; he would have shot himself if he had listened to Chimney and Maddie squabble, so he couldn't blame Kyle for wanting to flee.

Buck laughed with him because coming out as gay was still difficult for many people, especially when religion was involved. He had struck gold when he came out to his team as bisexual. They had supported him. Hell, Steve and Greg (the team's old spotter who had retired not long after Buck joined the team) had both ended up in the brig for punching a guy out in the mess hall who had made a remark. They didn't stay long because all eyewitnesses said the man had fallen into the tables and there had been no fight. However, their CO had stated that they would not be so lucky again. Another instance of his brothers stepping up for him, and it wouldn't be the last.
"I'd better get going before Sam complains about him wasting fuel," Buck said as he moved towards the front door, pulling Kyle into a side hug.

“Ok…” Kyle replied as he returned the hug. "...good luck with whatever you're doing and have your break." He then followed Buck to the front door. "Just keep in mind that there is a job waiting for you here if you return."

Buck passed through his old front door for the last time. He knew if the 118 came looking for him, they wouldn't find out from Kyle, and he had also changed the locks, so he knew Kyle was safe from them as well. Not long after his fight with Eddie in the market, he changed the locks. They had never gotten physical, but seeing Eddie's rage scared him. He shouldn't be afraid of his old best friend, so he changed the locks right away just to be safe.

“I will, thank Kyle,” Buck said before he started to walk down the corridor to the stairs for the final time. Leaving felt like running, but he had no choice. Now there was no turning back. He needed to think about the future, whatever it might hold for him.

Chapter Text

Sam could feel himself grinning broadly as he stood waiting for his and Bomber’s food at one of the best taco’s trucks in LA. He couldn’t help but remember the look on the kid’s face as he pulled up into one of the parking spots near the beach instead of continuing towards the airport. He thought it was a little funny that Bomber would just believe that he would just drop him off at the airport without talking first. And from what he had heard from Steve and what little he had been able to dig up, a single car ride wouldn’t be enough time. He hadn't even waited for Bomber to argue with him before getting out of the car and shouting over his shoulder as he headed towards the food vendors to find a seat for them.

Another reason for the food stop was that he knew Bomber hadn't been eating properly in recent months and didn't need Steve to tell him. He could tell by glancing at his younger brother that he had lost too much weight to be due to too much exercise. While waiting outside his brother's apartment, he did some research and came across a photo of his brother from a few months ago, and the difference between how he appeared then and today worried him. Bomber clearly wasn't looking after himself anymore. And he needed to get to the bottom of it as soon as possible if they were to help him. He also knew he wouldn't be able to sleep until he saw Bomber eat something before boarding his aircraft.

When their meal was done, he took it and walked over to the bench that Bomber found near where he was parked. However, when he arrived at the bench, he saw that Bomber was locked in his own world. Normally, the kid's self-awareness was among the best he'd seen, making it impossible to sneak up on him. They used to joke that the kid had eyes in the back of his head because nothing could get past him. Bomber had not broken eye contact with the water as he approached the bench and deposited their food. It was as if his brother was entirely immersed in his own world, completely unaware of what was going on around him. Sam had a feeling a bomb would detonate, and the kid would not notice.

The whole thing was setting off alarms in his mind. Whatever had happened to Bomber had hurt him in ways he hadn't seen or wanted to see before. He could see that whatever had happened with the kid's old team had consumed him in such a way that he was becoming stuck in his pain. At the time, Sam was relieved that their plan had been to deliver the kid to Steve since there was no way in hell, he was going to leave him alone in this state without acting.

But he had a greater problem to deal with right now. He needed to get Bomber out of his head without causing further injury. Bomber didn't appear like much and was known for his laid-back demeanour, yet he could hold his own against anyone. The kid was, in fact, one of the most dangerous of them all. But he also understood that shaking him out of his world would be harmful because of what had happened to him. Simply touching him would end dangerous for him, and the last thing he wanted to do was to try to restrain his brother. He also knew that Bomber would never forgive himself if he hurt him. The kid had a good heart, which made the whole situation worse.

Rather than touching him, Sam sat across from him and pushed the food over to him till it just touched his arm. Despite this, he sat and watched as the kid jumped three feet into the air, a fearful expression flashed over Bomber's face. The simple knock had revealed how much pain his brother was in, causing the cracks in his mask to emerge even for a few seconds. However, as soon as Bomber noticed what had happened, his mask was back in place. But seeing Bomber's terrified gaze only fuelled the heat and rage within him. Sam could tell that his younger brother's mask was still frail, but he didn't bring it up. Not when it would only make his brother's pain worse.

"Thought you were taking me to the airport," Buck said, staring down at his food. The mere sight of the food in front of him turned his stomach, and he had to gulp to keep the bile down.

"I am, but I'm also hungry, and I know you haven't eaten," Sam answered, a slight smile on his face. He knew Bomber was trying to divert him from his mask failure, but he also realised that this topic would take time. That was something they didn't have a lot of. Even if he had to start the groundwork for Steve, he'd be happy to have started his brother's healing process.

"Okay...whatever," Buck murmured quietly, his gaze shifting away from Sam and the meal. "...Just don't make me miss my flight." He said as he shifted slightly.

"I wouldn't, but I have a badge and can get you on the tarmac if necessary." Sam grinned even wider as he picked at his own food.

"Please don't, I don't want you to get in trouble," Buck added quietly, shaking his head in response to his brother's remark. He knew he wouldn't put it past his brother to do as he said. Even a federal agent, though, he could get in trouble for misusing his badge, and the last thing he wanted to do was cause anyone else any more grief.

"OK, fine, but if you don't want me to, you should eat up. According to my sources, these are the tastiest tacos in Los Angeles." Sam commented as he took a large bite of his own. He knew that he would have to force Bomber to eat something, and he wouldn't mind if the kid ate only a third of the meal if he saw him eat something.

Buck nodded slowly and began nibbling on his food. He was still nauseous, but he realised it was most likely due to his stomach not being used to eating nice food. He knew he'd struggle to keep up with Steve once he arrived in Hawaii, and if he didn't start eating better, Steve would probably take him to see a doctor about it. And he was sick of doctors right now.

"They are good," Buck commented as he swallowed another small mouthful. The taco was delicious, and he would ordinarily happily eat more of them, but right now he would be lucky to finish what was in front of him.

“Good. So, when were you going to let me know that you were in Los Angeles?" Sam inquired, causing Buck to pause mid-chew. He knew the remark might upset Bomber, which was not his purpose, but he needed to keep the kid's mind engaged and not fall back into whatever world he was in when he initially approached him.

"I'm sorry..." Buck remarked softly, cursing himself for not contacting Sam earlier. He had his reasons, but he despised disappointing others like his brothers.

"Kiddo, the last time we talked, you were still with Steve, and everything was fine. And the next thing I knew, Michelle was yelling my name to come into the living room, and she was pointing at the tv, only to find you pinned beneath the fire truck." Sam elaborated. He'd never forget what he witnessed that night, and it took everything in him not to rush to his brother's bedside.

Michelle had come to his rescue that night. He'd sent a few emails and texts to Steve and to some of their brothers to let them know what had happened, just so they'd be caught off guard when the news broke as he had. They had all agreed when the kid originally went missing that they would not contact him until he contacted them first. Right now, he wishes they hadn't because they might have caught this sooner. They could never, however, force anything on their brother, even if it was for his own good.

"You saw that?" Buck was even more terrified than before. He despised the fact that the news had broadcast the footage all over the place and had played it on repeat for several weeks afterwards. He knew his brothers would find out about what had happened to him, and he was pleased that they had also respected his privacy. He remembered telling everyone not to contact him unless he did first because he wanted to start over, even though losing his family hurt him, seeing them also wounded him.

"We all did, kid," Sam continued softly. He didn't want to hurt his younger brother, but he would always be truthful with him. "I think everyone in LA and California saw it," he added, recalling how even his partner had inquired whether he was okay, and how the next day when he went to the office, he had personally requested Nell to keep an eye on Bomber's file. Callen had taken him to the range to let him get some of his rage out as he had told them he wasn't going home but at the same time wasn't able to work.

And had even phoned in a few favours for him to ensure that his younger brother had the best possible care. "I kept the others up to date on how you were doing," he said. He then added in the conclusion that he wanted Bomber to know that all his brothers still cared about him.
"I was fine," Buck said, gazing down at his food, attempting to keep his stomach under control. He knew that simply viewing that tape would have horrified them and that he should have reached out to his brothers as he knew that they would have seen it, everyone did. But he had wanted to put his old life behind him and more so since he had found a new one. Even if it meant saying goodbye to his brothers.

"Being crushed by a 12-tone fire truck on your leg and rushed into emergency surgery isn't ok Bomber," Sam replied sternly, but he needed the kid to listen to him. If the kid was attempting to alleviate his guilt for not reaching out, it was not working. He knew he'd always feel guilty but assisting him now would take away some of it.

"I healed," Buck remarked, shrugging as he fiddled with his food. He understood what Sam was saying and realised that trying to accomplish this alone was probably a bad idea, but he had built his bed and had to lay in it.

"And ended up suffering from a PE as a result of faulty hardware and was put on a low dose of blood thinners to prevent it from happening again." Sam finished by shaking his head. He was furious when he learned that his little brother had been rushed to the hospital again, and even more so when it turned out that it was due to the faulty hardware that the hospital had implanted inside him. He was aware that it was one of the hazards associated with surgery, but when it came to his younger brother, he always assumed that the poor kid had the entire world against him at times.

"You found out about that?" Buck inquired sheepishly. He should have expected Sam to know about his PE and blood thinners, just as he knew about the lawsuit and the mess, he had gotten himself into.

"I have your file on alert, so yer I heard," Sam said, taking another mouth full of his lunch. He wasn't ashamed of what he had done, but he was aware that he had crossed a line with Bomber's privacy. On the other side, because the Navy had to update his information on a regular basis, it was the only way he could maintain track of his brother.

"Isn't that breaking the law?" Buck was curious whether his brother could just do that or not, but then again, he knew Sam wasn't the only sibling who would have done that.

"You were in the Navy, kiddo, so you're not to me." With a big grin, Sam said.

"Great," Buck said quietly. He knew the Navy had kept an eye on him after he left because of how good he was at his job, and he knew all he had to do was phone up his old Captain and walk right back into his old job. But that wasn't what he wanted; he'd left for a reason. And he didn't know whether he should be furious or grateful for his brother's apparent concern for him, knowing that Sam was keeping watch of him and cheerfully breaking some law to ensure his safety.

Sam stared at Bomber's expression, slightly concerned that he had answered his question incorrectly. He couldn't, however, lie to his brother. "I was just wondering why you didn't call me when things got bad. You know I'd come to help." Sam explained, praying he didn't mess up this part. Michelle was usually better at this than him, but she wasn't here just now. At the same time, he was curious as to why his brother didn't believe he could come to him with everything that had transpired.

"I was handling it," Buck murmured, no longer looking at his brother. He understood it was a clear untruth. That the mess he had created was his own fault, and he had to deal with it alone because the only blood relative who cared for him had informed him, he had messed up. So, what's the point of bothering his adopted brothers with his mess?

"It doesn't matter, kiddo; we're family. We will always be there for you," Sam stated emphatically. All he wanted to do was put the idea of being a family once again into his brother's mind, but he knew it wouldn't work by just saying it. Bomber had to totally believe something before he could change his beliefs. To fully believe that he wasn't mistaken, he needed to believe that he wasn't. And that would take time, time sadly he didn't have with him.

"Are you aware of the lawsuit?" Buck inquired softly; his gaze fixed on the floor. He didn't want to look at his brother's face since he knew he'd get a disappointed expression. He detested himself for what he had done to the people he had considered family, and he didn't want his older brothers to find out about the mess he had made. He could feel the food that had just entered his stomach threaten to come back up. Why couldn't his history stay in the past, he wondered?

"Yer kiddo," Sam murmured tenderly. He knew Bomber was regretting the lawsuit, but he had read the files and knew that his brother was only protecting himself in one of the few ways he could think of. He'd even had Deeks go through the files, and based on what Deeks indicated, his younger brother would have easily won. His brother, on the other hand, was never motivated by money. He only wants to help others. "And you were in the right to do it," he added, knowing that his brother had never heard that from anybody before.

Buck's head jumped up and he felt dizzy as he stared in disbelief at his brother. Was his brother promising him he was right? But didn't he hurt the people he cared about? Isn't that a betrayal? He had always been taught that trust and loyalty were the foundations of teamwork, but he had thrown that all away when he started the lawsuit, and now one of his brothers was telling him he was right. Why wasn't he telling him it was the dumbest thing he'd ever done?

"So, it wasn't totally stupid?" He inquired hesitantly. He was not sure he wanted to know the answer to his own question, but he had to ask it.

Sam sighed and swallowed a snarl that was rising to his throat. Hearing his young brother so terrified tore at his soul. He wanted to lash out at Bomber's team for all the pain they had given him. "Trying to do it on my own, yes it was stupid." He began. He wanted to shake Bomber silly as he spoke and drill it into the kid's head that he wasn't alone and didn't have to fight alone. "Not calling one of us for this long, also stupid." He went on to say. He had no idea why Bomber hadn't called them when things got too much for him, but he also understood. He hadn't contacted most of his brothers since he didn't want to revisit what had happened. Perhaps Bomber felt the same way.

Sam sighed again and stared at his younger brother, who appeared to be hanging on every word he uttered. "... but fighting for what you believe in, and love is not stupid, kid. It's brave."

"I still sued my family," Buck grumbled, tucking his arms into his sweatshirt to make himself as tiny as possible.

"They initially betrayed you by not supporting you. You did nothing but defend and protect yourself." Sam argued back, knowing that Bomber had begun to withdraw into himself once more, which was bad for him. He despised seeing his brother in this state, but he felt compelled to vent his feelings rather than hide them. Sam was fully aware that if someone did it for an extended period, they would eventually break.

"Can we not talk about this?" Buck mumbled as he kept staring at his food. He needed to calm down when talking about the lawsuit, or he was going to see his lunch again. He knew Sam was only trying to help him, and he loved him for it, but he wasn't the brother with whom he needed to speak.

"Sure, why don't we talk about how you've been ghosting us for so long?" Sam understands if you needed time, but why didn't you call us when you needed help? It was a question that had played in his head for a while and now he wanted an answer. Sam inquired but quickly added since he knew what the following two words would be from his brother's mouth. "And I don't want you to apologise because none of us minded, we understood why, but when you stopped communicating with us and then found out about everything, it scared us."

He didn't want Bomber to feel guilty, but he knew he had to prove his point, if not for his brothers, then for himself. He had missed his little brother, had missed who he had been, and now all he could do was hope that his brother was still alive.

"I'm still sorry," Buck murmured before hastily closing his mouth. As he heard his brother's comments, he felt his lip tremble slightly.

"It's ok. I forgive you," Sam replied as he reached out and gently touched Bomber's forearm, hoping he could avoid the wince action that resulted from his movement. He didn't want Bomber to hate himself even more because he couldn't bear the thought of his brothers touching him. But then he had a thought that he knew would distract Bomber from his pain: he wasn't the only one he needed to apologise to, even though the person would forgive him just as fast, his wife.

A grin appeared on his face, and he chuckled at the concept, causing Bomber to look at him puzzled. "...you should be worried about Michelle. Not me," Sam clarified, his grin widening in response to his brother's surprised and terrified expression. He knew Michelle would never injure his brother, and he had even questioned whether she liked him more than he liked him. But his wife could be rather frightening when she wanted to be. And he was happy to let his brother deal with her alone.

"Kill me!" Buck moaned and wiped his face with his palm. Michelle wouldn't hurt him, but it didn't stop her from tackling him to the ground and handcuffing him before putting him in a room where he couldn't leave unless he promised never to leave them again. He knew she was just worried about him, but after what had happened, she would never allow him out of her sight again. The only outcome to that situation was if he just moved into Sam's house till he retired.

"I'm not getting on her bad side either, kiddo, you're on your own." With another laugh, Sam said. He would always protect his brothers, but not against his wife.

"Thanks a lot," Buck grumbled, rolling his eyes. He did miss Michelle; she was like a mother to him, just as Athena was to him. Perhaps it was because the two ladies were so similar that he had taken to Athena so immediately. Unlike Athena, Michelle had always looked out for him, regardless of what her husband said or felt. He hadn't heard from Athena since the lawsuit began. There were no texts or messages. There will be no phone calls. Nothing. She, like the rest of the 118, had abandoned him. The thought of his previous family was shattered when Sam spoke.

"At the very least, you'll be in Hawaii with Steve to save you from the butt-kicking she wants to give you." Sam expressed his concern that his brother had become engrossed in his own thoughts once more. "Maybe getting away from here will help," Sam continued. I was hoping that by expressing the sentence aloud, it would come true. Hopefully, and he had discussed this with Michelle extensively, moving away from LA and into a fresh environment would help Bomber heal from whatever had happened. He also didn't have to worry about the kid wandering out on his own because he had a feeling Steve wouldn't be letting the kid out of his sight for the foreseeable future.

"Yer maybe," Buck grumbled. He was hoping that time in Hawaii might help him a little, and knowing how stubborn his older brother could be, he was scared that he would have to talk about everything that had happened. Perhaps he was too broken to be repaired this time. Perhaps his time was running out.

"I'm guessing you're staying with Steve when you get out there?" Sam inquired, knowing that Bomber was but needing to keep the kid talking.

"He insisted I did," Buck said. When Steve told him he was staying with him, he was too tired to argue. But living with Steve meant he didn't have to worry about booking a hotel or having to go out to eat or pick up food if he didn't want to leave the safety of his room. He knew it sounded ridiculous, but being out in public had started to give him real worry ever since he ran into the 118 at the market.

"You won't find much peace if you stay with Steve; he has a strange habit of causing trouble, remember?" Sam commented, Steve always seems to attract trouble. Hetty had told him that Steve had caused more problems than he and Callen combined.

"I remember," Buck said, nodding. He remembered some of the post-action briefings and the questions their commanders had asked. He was even surprised that they had completed some of their assignments successfully. Steve's ideas were entirely out of the box, which worried him at times, but he trusted his older brother with his life, which meant going along with his crazy plans.

“So…” Sam began by unsure how to bring this matter up in the conversation. When his brother went missing, he worried that they would never see him again. Or, following what had occurred, he had been concerned that his brother would do something that none of them wanted him to do. At the same time, he had the impression that Bomber hadn't told anyone about what had transpired fully. Perhaps talking to him, who didn't know anything, would be beneficial. "...heard you travelled a lot before coming to LA."

"I just travelled around a lot," Buck began to explain. He didn't want to tell Sam about the awful things he had gone through on that journey. "I went to places I wanted to go and then moved around South America for a while," he explained. He realised he was leaving out a lot of information in his brief account of his travel, but what his brother didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

"Did you have fun?" Sam nodded, knowing that his little brother wasn't giving him everything, but he also knew that if Bomber wasn't ready to tell him, that would be a talk for Steve. He promptly made a mental note to message Steve about it later. He'd informed Steve that he'd make sure their younger brother ate something before the flight and would try to start the lengthy and painful dialogue that was about to begin. However, Steve had warned him not to push him too hard and to wait until Bomber was safe. He had also vowed to let him know which topics were either too difficult or too stressful for Bomber to discuss, so he would know where to begin.

"Michelle also wanted me to say thanks for the painting you sent her for her birthday." He swiftly added. He remembered the day the artwork arrived and how stressful it had been for them both to get a parcel while knowing they hadn't ordered anything.

Michelle had finally opened it to reveal a stunning red and gold abstract oil painting that reminded them of a blood sunset. Michelle and the kids had both fell in love with it the instant they saw it. The colours seemed to blend so effortlessly that it didn't look real. He didn't know who the painting belonged to until he saw the back of it. That, and the short letter tucked away inside the frame. A short and basic note, but it was enough to know that his younger brother was safe. The notes simply stated:

‘Happy birthday, hope you like it. Evan x’

Michelle had hidden the note inside the painting's frame so she wouldn't lose it, but no matter what she got for her birthday after that, nothing could top the painting.

"Did she like it?" Buck asked, a little concerned about what Sam would say. Painting that piece sadly had occurred during one of his dark moments, and he had submitted it without even considering his emotions. Afterwards, when he had come out the other side of his dark emotions, he had realised what he had done and panicked a little as he had no memory of what the painting even looked like or if it was any good.

"Loved it, where were you when you did it?" With a smile, Sam said. The painting now hung on the main wall of their living room, and she enjoyed showing it off to visitors. Of course, they would never tell anyone that the painting was an original since they knew Michelle would gut anyone who tried to take it. However, where he was when he painted it had always been a mystery to them, and they had attempted to solve it. Michelle had even looked through Bomber's official website, which featured his universe and catalogue, but many of them were missing locations. Only the official names were listed.

"Grand Canyon," Buck said, "I stayed there for about three weeks or so before moving on." He swiftly added. He couldn't recall much of his stay there, save that he had nearly flung himself over the edge one night after a particularly awful nightmare. He hadn't phoned Steve since he didn't have a signal, but when he awoke, he swiftly moved on.

"I know you painted more than that one while you were there." Sam brought this up. Michelle had seen five that appeared to have been painted in the same location and had dates inscribed on them, but that was it. He had a sense Bomber hadn't been there long because he had seen how rapidly his brother could paint. If he wasn't distracted by anything, he could easily complete five outstanding paintings in three days. He observed as Bomber nodded at the sentence but did not respond.

"Michelle has been keeping track of your work," he immediately continued, adding something else that had been on his mind. "Mostly so the kids can see it, and it was reported that one of the paintings with a similar date sold for just under a million dollars at auction, and those weren't the originals."

Sam knew Bomber had a stash of originals somewhere safe, and that the copies he sold were the one and only original copy. Any other prints, like all paintings, were sold at a reduced price, but the ones sold were referred to as an original copy since they were manufactured in such a way that they were a carbon replica of the original piece. Sam thought the one he was delivered was that, but after seeing what was written on the back of the artwork, he knew it wasn't.

"I know," Buck responded, unconcerned by the statement. He didn't care how much his art sold for; he never painted for money, and he didn't care how much others paid for his work. He used to paint because it comforted him like nothing else could. Until today, that is, now he couldn't bring himself to pick up a brush.

"And you donated all of the money to local charities," Sam said. He remembers hearing on the news that numerous local charities had received an anonymous monetary donation soon after a piece was sold at auction. That didn't require him to be a federal agent to figure out.
"I don't need the money," Buck explained but did not elaborate. And he knew his brother wouldn't go into it. He'd always thought he had too much money to begin with and didn't need any more. He had already paid off all his college fees and brought everything he needed, so why did he need anything else? Instead, he had invested it in a few successful firms, which tragically just added to the money he already had.

He then went and brought all his storage units, his loft, paid his agent and legal bills, his safety deposit boxes, and then set up college trust funds for all his team brothers' kids, including Sam's, as well as lately adding May, Michael, Denny, and Christopher to that list. He had instructed that when it came time for them all to go to college or reach the age of majority, his lawyer would contact them about the fund if he couldn't inform them himself.

He had also invested in a veteran treatment clinic, which currently had eight locations across the United States. And has assisted in the establishment of three new no-kill animal rescue centres, which are today among the largest and most successful in their respective states. Of course, they did it anonymously, but they emailed him and told him that his notion of working with crippled or injured soldiers was the basis for their success. People were healed by animals. He was fully aware of this and only wished he could give one of those rescue pets a home as well, but it would be unfair for them considering his previous workload.

And, after joining the LAFD, he began to support charities that assisted injured or retiring emergency personnel and their families. Even more so if those families were struggling with the loss of a family member due to their death on the front lines. Whether he liked it or not, those families were quickly forgotten by everyone after the funeral and left to struggle alone. He wanted to put a stop to it, so he did everything he could to assist.

Despite his efforts and investments, he despised the amount of money he had in the bank. Fortunately, his lawyer handled the other concerns that come with having a lot of money. He had roughly six bank accounts now, two of which were offshore, just so he could manage his money. His accountant was a lifesaver at times, ensuring that he paid all his taxes on time and that no money went missing. He needed to trust people around him, and since he only had direct contact with three of them, he felt they could be trusted.

He had no idea how he got into the situation with Chase Mackey because he already had a good lawyer on call, but in that moment of weakness, all he felt was distress and hurt, and all he wanted was to prove to others that he had been right.

"I know, but what surprised us was that you sent us an original," Sam responded, not sure where his brother's mind had just gone but curious as to why his brother had sent them an original painting for free. Even though he knew his brother didn't care about the money and they were grateful that Bomber had trusted them with it, it had bothered him at the time he had just delivered it. He hated himself for thinking so little of his brother, but he was afraid that by mailing the painting, Bomber was saying goodbye to them forever.

"Call it a late wedding present," Buck said as he shrugged his shoulders. Sam wasn't the only one who had received an original throughout his travels, but he hadn't given it much thought. He couldn't recall writing their addresses on the label or mailing them. All he could recall was thinking that this person or that person would enjoy this or that.

"And what about all the presents you sent for Aiden and Kamran?" Sam then inquired. Michelle wasn't the only one who had received gifts. Bomber never overlooked his children's birthdays or Christmases. It was the highlight of the day for them to open their Uncle Bomber's gifts. And he understood his children were not the only ones who had received them. All the seals Bomber had worked with who had children would receive a gift on their birthday. Some had no idea how Bomber remembered them because many had lost connection with him, yet he never missed a single birthday.

"I just reminded them who their favourite uncles were," Buck replied, a little smile on his face. He had always adored children and relished spending time with them. He was the unofficial babysitter at every team meeting, looking after all the kids while his parents and brothers relaxed. So, he didn't mind spending money on them for Christmas and birthdays. If he couldn't be there for them, he could at least let them know he was thinking about them.

"I don't think you have to worry about that," Sam laughed. He had just remembered Callen's expression when Kamran told him that he would never bet her Uncle Bomber, when he had said he was her favourite. He believed he'd pulled a muscle from laughing so hard.
"...however, if you want Michelle to forgive you for not calling her, perhaps you could win her over by telling her where you got Kamran's music box for her birthday." He went on to say. He remembered Michelle grumbling quietly about the music box Bomber had given Kamran for her birthday, stating she had never seen anything so magnificent. It was handcrafted but appeared to be old. There were no visible indications of who had created it, and she had attempted in vain to find out where Bomber had obtained it.

"In New Orleans, I discovered a small antique shop in the French Quarter." Buck elaborated. He'd spent three nights there before leaving, but he'd enjoyed the all-day party. It had been a welcome diversion from everything that had happened.

"I'll tell her." With a smile, Sam said.

But then he stopped himself because he realised, he was running out of time; he only had Bomber for less than an hour before he had to drive him to the airport. He hated running out of time when he could see little sparks of his brother again, but he knew he needed to get something off his chest that had been bothering him since the beginning.

"May I ask you a question?" He asked gently, knowing that this was one of the topics on which Bomber can just shut down without answering. He had no choice but to try.

"Sure," Buck replied, a little perplexed and concerned at the same time. He knew his brother would have questions about what had happened, but he didn't know how he would respond if he was questioned about it all again. He'd told Steve a bit, but he realised he hadn't covered all.
Sam paused at first, trying to figure out how to phrase this right. He was aware that there was more to the story of why Bomber had left the manner he did, and that there were other tales around it. He hadn't, however, discovered the entire truth. "How are you really doing?" he inquired, taking a long breath. "After everything that occurred prior to your leaving..." Bomber jumped in before he could finish his sentence, and he could see his little brother's stress levels had suddenly spiked.

“I’m ok. I'm over it." Buck stated angrily. He knew Sam would want answers about what occurred when he left the seals, but wrath raged inside him from somewhere he didn't know. It startled him a little that he suddenly felt angry, but that could be because he had never really spoken about what had happened.

“Bomber…” Sam began to emphasise that he knew his brother was everything but fine, especially when this topic was brought up.

"What exactly do you want me to say, Sam?" Buck broke. As his body and thoughts were flooded with rage, he turned to face his brother. He knew Sam meant well, but he couldn't keep it in any longer. " I lost the love of my life. After we all nearly perished, I had to watch him walk away to go and try find himself." Buck added as he pushed what has left of his food away so he wouldn't be tempted to throw it.

"We went from planning our wedding to growing old together to him leaving and me barely functioning. Leaving the Navy was the only way I could avoid constantly seeing his ghost. I went travelling to figure out how to live again, joined LAFD, and was happy for a while until I messed it up as I always do..."

Sam watched as his brother's mask began to slip completely and the flaws that had previously been barely apparent suddenly split open. He could practically see the red glow emanating from all his brother's fissures. He should have understood that his brother had never recovered from the loss of his first and, in his perspective, only love. But after reading a little about what his little brother had been up to, he decided Bomber had healed enough to move on with his life. Perhaps you've met someone new. He was, however, mistaken. He could see right now that his brother had never had to deal with witnessing someone, he envisaged growing old with someone who had walked away from him forever. Instead, he had buried his emotions so deeply that they appeared to have vanished completely until now. Whatever had happened with the firehouse had caused the gaps to widen and the grief he had buried to resurface.

Sam's fatherly instinct and brotherly feelings returned stronger than ever, and he reached out to grab the child's arm, possibly to stop him from running if the thought had ever occurred to him. “Kid…” He began lightly, hoping not to irritate the kid further or force him to respond in a way that might cause him to damage himself. He could see why Steve had phoned him right after getting off the phone with their younger brother; he was on the verge of collapse.

Buck pulled away from Sam almost instantly, then silently cursed himself for doing it again. He knew Sam would never hurt him, so why wouldn't his body stop be doing it? "No, Sam, I did it; I got fired on the first day for sleeping with a girl at the station; I was a complete mess. I slept with anyone who wanted it, and when I finally got my act together, I got hurt, and everything fell apart again. I've lost yet another family." He went on ranting. He hated himself with every word that came out of his mouth. Why did the rest of the world loathe him so much? Perhaps it would have been better for him to simply vanish again, never to be seen again.

Sam's warning sirens were suddenly blaring more louder than before. His little brother was so near drowning that all he wanted to do was grab him in the greatest hug he could muster and never let go until the suffering stopped. How could he have allowed this to happen? Why didn't he contact me sooner? "You never lost us, Bomber. Why didn't you make a phone call? To me, Steve, or one of the other guys?" Sam stated and then inquired. He needed to keep the kid's brain engaged and awake. He'd seen individuals in this kind of anguish before, and when they were left alone or permitted to be quiet, they typically didn't speak again. They would simply shut down. And he wasn’t about to let that happen to his little brother.

"I'm not your problem, anyone," Buck mumbled back, looking down at his hands. He knew what Sam was going to say, but he didn't believe him at the time.

"You were never a bother to begin with," Sam said while sliding his hand close to Bomber's arm but not touching him so he didn't react. "You're our younger brother, who can be a pain at times, but you're family. No matter what, we will always be there for you."

“But…” Buck began to argue, but Sam interrupted him.

"There are no buts. You are our family," Sam stated once again. He'd say it a thousand times if it meant helping his brother. But then he stretched out again, but this time he grabbed his brother's hand and wouldn't let go. “This will never change. You can reach us at any time. If you need us while you're with Steve, you call us. Got it?" He went on to say. He needed to drill this into the youngsters' heads the same way Steve did with their pledge.

Buck glanced at Sam for a little longer before nodding, but he couldn't talk at first. He sincerely wanted to believe Sam, but a part of his mind kept telling him that he was a failure and that everyone would be so much happier if he simply stopped it all.
"Do you copy that, Bomber?" Sam asked the question forcefully, knowing that his Seal voice was coming through. And he felt bad about doing it to the kid since he knew Bomber would always follow their orders because he trusted them entirely. But he realised that it was the only way he could be confident of hearing from him while he was with Steve.

"Yes, sir," Buck replied unequivocally.

"Good, now finish your food so we can get to the airport in time for your flight," Sam remarked, pointing to the remaining food in front of him. He needed to get the kid to eat more before letting him go.

"Yes sir," Buck responded a little more forcefully than before, but he was still nauseous, so instead of eating normally, he just picked at it, which caused him to eat more than he would have if he had tried to take bits of it.

Maybe things would get better now that his brothers knew what had happened, but he wasn't holding out much hope. He realised, though, that he would have to focus on himself for a change because he knew Steve would make it his mission to make him think more of himself rather than what others thought of him. Maybe he'll be able to recover? Even a little bit.

Chapter Text

Buck couldn't believe he was going through with his plan to leave Los Angeles, intending to never return. He despised himself for leaving, even though the primary reason for leaving was to maintain and improve his own mental and physical health. He was running away, and that was the only idea that came to mind when he considered what he was doing. When he initially landed in Los Angeles, he fell in love with not just the city but also its people, he told himself that he would do everything in his power to stay in one place for as long as possible, if not for the rest of his life. He would handle any issues or challenges that occurred. He genuinely wanted to make Los Angeles his home, where he could raise a family and establish some strong and deep roots, much like he did when he was in the Navy and before his life exploded.

Starting again in Los Angeles had been his impetus for establishing himself again. He'd thought he'd made some nice friends and a new family, something he hadn't expected to happen so quickly, but it had. Until he ruined everything again. When his previous life crumbled, he vowed that he would not allow himself to be hurt like that again. And yet, he had broken down his defences, and now he was even more broken than before. Running away from the difficulties to his older brother, who already had a tough job, seemed wrong, but there was nothing else he could think of.

When Sam dropped him off at the airport entrance, he was surprised that Sam hadn't bought a ticket for himself to come with him to ensure that he arrived safely and in one piece. Instead, after retrieving his bags from the boot, Sam drew him into a strong hug and made him promise to text him when he landed and arrived at Steve's home. He had said he would, but Sam had reminded him that he was only a phone call away if he needed to talk. He knew he'd never be able to go radio silent with his brothers again, and he didn't want to. He was convinced that losing his brothers now would be the death of him. If he hadn't made that promise to Steve, it might have been.

As he walked through the airport after saying his goodbyes to Sam, he felt his anxiousness rise. He had no idea how he managed to remain cool enough to pass through security, but he did. And it was a surprise that he got through without being stopped by security because of his nervous behaviour. He couldn't stop his legs from wobbling and almost collapsing on him a few times as he made his way through the airport to his gate. Because of Sam's lunch break, he didn't have to wait long at the gate and forced himself to walk swiftly towards the plane. He just wanted to get out of L.A. as quickly as possible, but then something happened that heightened his worry.

He was about to board the plane and check his ticket with the flight attendant when she stopped him and then called for another flight attendant to come to them. Buck's heart rate increased once more; was there something wrong with his ticket? Had his flight been overbooked? Was he about to lose his seat? He could feel his entire body shake, and all sorts of questions began to go through his mind about what was wrong with his ticket.

He had to get to his older brother. That was all he needed, his brother. He needed Steve. He had no idea he was in such an awful situation until that exact moment. Since getting off the phone with Steve, his entire emphasis had been on arranging his escape to his brother, who was safe for him. He simply felt safe around Steve, just like he had always done. And now, more than ever, he wanted that feeling.

But he didn't have to be concerned at all.

Instead of losing his seat and worrying about missing his brother, the other flight attendant approached them and informed them that his ticket had been upgraded by a friend and that he should follow him to his first-class seat. To say he was surprised would be an understatement. But he couldn't help but be irritated at Sam or Steve for wasting money on him when they already knew he had a seat on the plane. He hated others spending money on him, even though he didn't mind spending money on others. But that would have to wait till he found out who it was.

He followed the flight attendant to first class and felt as if he were in a dream. His seat was in the section's centre, close to the window, so he could gaze out whenever he wanted. A bottle of water was already next to his chair, and a blanket was carefully folded on it. It was beautiful, but it was incredibly pricey. He promptly placed his bag on the floor and sat down in one of the most comfortable seats he had ever sat in, thanks to the flight attendant, Mick who had been shown him to his seat. Mick went over the menu with him and inquired if he would be drinking alcohol or non-alcoholic beverages on his flight. He didn't want to drink, so he requested something non-alcoholic for the time being. Mick turned to go, but not before handing him a folded-up piece of paper with his name neatly scribbled on it.

Buck took the folded piece of paper and watched Mick leave before gazing down at it. His complete focus was now on the paper in his hand that he didn't even hear his fellow passengers boarding. He shouldn't be afraid of a piece of paper, but he felt his heart race and feel like it was in his throat. He realised right then that the piece of paper had not come from Steve or Sam because neither of them could write that elegantly. He realised the only way to find out who wrote it was to open it and confront his anxieties. He was still shaking, but he managed to open the letter with a few deep breaths. Inside, it was simply written:

Dear Petty Officer Evan Buckley,

After reading about all your brave actions while serving in the Navy as a Seal and with the LAFD, I felt you deserved an upgrade as a thank-you for your services to both your country and the citizens of Los Angeles.
I hope you find all you need in Hawaii, as well as some tranquillity.
Please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any questions.

Yours sincerely,

Henrietta Lange.

Buck looked down at the name on the paper, puzzled as to why this had happened. He recognised the name on the letter despite having never met her. She was something of a legend in the intelligence field, both admired and feared. He'd heard some insane stories about the woman from other Seals and intelligence officers and knew they were most likely true. He was also aware that the woman was Sam's new boss at NCIS. He was more shocked, though, that such a legend in the intelligence world would bother and take time out of her day to assist him. Had Sam approached her for assistance with this? Or had he simply remarked in passing that he was concerned about him and went out of his way to help him?

But he was snapped out of it when Mick returned with the menu of all the non-alcoholic drinks they had. He didn't even read them, but he saw a green smoothie that seemed identical to one he made for himself. Mick nodded and asked if there was anything more, he needed. He responded no and thanked him as he walked away.

He leaned back in his seat and sighed as he placed Hetty's letter on the table in front of him. He'd consider why Sam's boss had paid for a first-class seat later. He was preoccupied with other matters at the time. Like how did his life come to this? He was fleeing his problems once more like he had done previously. Why did he continually mess things up? He had ensured that none of his brothers could locate him the last time he ran away from everything, quit the Navy (even though he had meant to leave anyway) and went entirely off the grid.

There was no other way to put it than he simply ran away. He had no idea why Steve had taken his call and then gave him a place to stay after what he had done. He had abandoned the brotherhood and left without saying anything. And yet, he needed their help now, and they had simply dropped everything to help him. It didn't make sense to him. Everyone grew tired of him and moved on with their lives, never looking back. So, what made his brothers so dissimilar? Why were they interested in him?

He heard the seat belt sign, and the flight attendants went over the safety information, but he didn't really pay attention. Instead, he turned to look out the window and sighed again before returning to his own thoughts. Was it the right decision to leave LA? He knew he needed to go for his personal health, but he was also disappointing others. Letting Chris down.

The thought of leaving Chris crushed his heart all over again; he adored that child. Losing him when Eddie had barred him from visiting him was difficult enough, but leaving the state for good meant he might never see him again. He was effectively abandoning him after promising him that he would not do so. Especially after Chris had lost his mother. But, with all the time away from him due to the lawsuit, he might be OK. He may no longer need or want him. Even though the thought of it made him sick, he hoped it was real. Chris could then go on with his life as if he had never been there.

He began to put his plan into action after hanging up with Steve. He had submitted all the necessary emails to LAFD, mostly saying that he needed to be placed on leave and would not be returning for a while. Fortunately, he had previously received a note from his personal doctor after they had raised some issues with him and wanted him to take some time off work during their last check-up. He knew that LAFD would take one glance at it and promptly sign him off.

Following that, he swiftly got out the two large go bags that he had kept for some reason and began sorting out what he wanted to keep and what he needed to store. However, it appeared that the majority of what was in his baggage were his documents, some clothing (he would simply buy more if he needed anything else), and other items that he did not want to leave behind. He spent what felt like hours packing everything he needed to store from his bedroom before calling the storage unit he had to check if they had somebody available to transport all his boxes out.

He was aware that he would have to pay a higher fee for the late notice, but after agreeing to pay double their standard rate, everything was booked. They were scheduled to arrive around noon. It was fortunate that the only flight to Hawaii with open seats was in the late afternoon. It would give him enough time to organise everything. He next made certain that all his weapons were properly accounted for and placed in their cases. He only had three guns in his apartment, the others were safely stashed away in his storage unit, but he needed to make sure they were all present. He did, however, leave his own sidearm out as he would take that one with him in his bags. He had all the necessary documents, so he knew he'd have no difficulties with it at the airport.

He knew no one at the 118 would believe him if he mentioned he had a gun, let alone several. He had a hunch that many of them felt he was stupid and dumb to own one. It was curious that Athena had never investigated his records when they first met, even though it was clearly indicated in his file that he had many licences to carry along with a few others. But she might have had the same thinking as the other. Perhaps he was just their dumb child who made mistakes all the time. Who can say? But he didn’t want to think about that now.

He then messaged Kyle to see if he was still looking for a place to live. Kyle only took three minutes to respond with a yes. He simply sent him a few images of his semi-empty flat and the asking price. He saw the little thinking bubble form and then vanish three times before Kyle responded. He accepted his offer but inquired as to why the price was so cheap. And he didn't blame him, but instead of responding, he simply stated to meet him at the apartment around eleven a.m. to sign the paperwork and let him know everything he needed to know.

He then returned to packing everything else in his apartment. He left his bags upstairs after finishing them and then went back to packing up all the stuff he had accumulated during the years he had been in LA into boxes. He felt the tears form in his eyes a little before fighting his emotions as he pulled out all his pictures of his Los Angeles family and placed them in one of the boxes. The only images he wanted to take with him and keep so he could put them in his luggage were of him and Christopher and all the others went into storage boxes.

He didn't even notice the time until his phone flashed, informing him that he only had 5% charge remaining. And it was at that point that he realised it was three a.m. He realised he was really leaving as he looked around his now-boxed-up apartment. He knew he had to go, but he was going to miss this place. He realised he needed to sleep as well, or he might pass out from lack of sleep and nourishment. But he couldn't stop his mind from replaying all his issues and emotions. Then his thoughts returned to his Superman.

He needed Christopher to understand why he was leaving and that he wasn't going to abandon him forever. But, because he wasn't allowed to see or even speak to him due to his troubled relationship with Eddie, he was left with just one option. To send him a letter. Maybe if he sent him a letter, he'd find the words to explain why he had to leave LA for his own health, but just because he had to leave LA didn't mean he didn't care and love him. So, disregarding the time, he sat down on the kitchen island and took out a piece of paper to begin. He addressed the letter to both Chris and Carla, although most of it was intended for Chris.

But he knew Carla would make sure Chris was okay and would be there for him no matter what. But, at the same time, he needed to explain to Carla why he was going. Throughout it all, she had been there for him. She had been there when Abby had abandoned him, during the bombing, and during all his hospital trips. Even when she couldn't be there in person, she texted me to let him know she was thinking about him. Carla and Chris were the actual reasons he'd stayed with the 118 for so long. But he couldn't draw them into his troubles, and with Carla being his sole source of information about Chris, he didn't want her to get into trouble with Eddie. Chris needed Carla after all, and he wasn't about to mess that relationship up as well.

He began by explaining to Chris that him leaving was not his fault and then went on to explain as much as he could without revealing what Eddie had done. He hated lying to Chris, but he wanted to safeguard his son's view of his father. Eddie was Chris's sole remaining parent, and he needed to make sure he wasn't the reason Chris didn't speak to his father. He'd witnessed the bond between the two grow deeper since Sharron's death, and he didn't want to sever it.

Writing that letter had been one of the most difficult things he had done in a long time, and he had to put the pen down a few times as tears threatened to flow again. He said he was sick and needed to leave to recover. That he would always be there for him no matter what, and that when he felt better, he would call him. And said that he would notify Carla once he was well enough to speak. He additionally said that he was always proud of him. He struggled to sign the bottom of the letter, so he simply scribbled your Buck.

Signing the letter's conclusion felt like he was signing his death certificate. It was as if he was saying goodbye to this chapter of his life, even though he could always return if he felt strong enough. At the same time, he was unsure whether he could save his relationship with Eddie. Perhaps it was too terribly damaged to save. And if that was true, he'd likely never see Chris again.

And he was first concerned about how to get the letter to Chris or to Carla. He knew that if he delivered it to Eddie's house, and hand-delivered it to Eddie it would most likely end up in the rubbish or he would simply have the door slammed in his face. And he didn't have time to post it. Instead, he handed it over to Natalia, who agreed to post it for him. She had come out to work to be met by the movers and had come over to see him to inquire about the situation. He stated that he was leaving to visit his brother (she didn't even seem surprised) and was renting out his flat to a friend. Natalia knew he owned the loft and was sorry to see him go, but she promised to assist Kyle if required.

He also gave her a brown paper envelope and told her not to open it till he was gone. It contained the painting's insurance documentation. He needed to make sure Natalia knew the picture was being cared for, so he created a document with his lawyer, Mr Sanderford, and his own signature to prove that the painting she possessed was an original. Fortunately, his lawyer also had a copy, so if anyone questioned the painting's authenticity, they had double proof. He knew Natalia would never sell it, but he wanted to make sure she had everything she needed just in case. He wanted to make sure that she received the painting's apparent value. He found himself chuckling when he received the next cheque for how much one of his paintings had sold for; he had never expected his art to sell for so many zeros, but it did. And those weren't an original. And if something happened to Natalia and she needed the money, he'd know she'd get it.

He was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn't even notice the plane take off or the symbol of freedom to move around the cabin come on. He didn't come out of his concentration until Mick returned with his drink and the flight menu, as well as the times it would be accessible. Mick did explain, though, that if he wanted to sleep, that was fine; he would simply wake him up when the meal was being served.

He had to have looked awful for him to say but he didn't care. He didn't feel like eating, and the tacos he'd eaten with Sam had more than filled him, but he knew Steve would immediately ask him whether he'd eaten anything the moment he saw him. So, he had ordered something without really reading the menu in a lot of detail. He didn't care what he ate if it was anything. But he also knew he needed to sleep, so a few hours of shut-eye wouldn't hurt. He'd hoped.

Mick walked on, he looked at his drink in front of him and took a sip without thinking but about anything. The green smoothie was delicious, fresh, and crisp, and far superior to anything he could have created. He drank half of it in ten minutes without recognising it. It seemed funny, but he could practically feel his body scream at him as if it had been starved of this delicious food and drink before. He was aware that he had not been taking care of himself as well as he should have, but he lacked the energy to do anything other than sleep and go to work.

He returned to his window and gazed out at the sky; he always found serenity in the sky. Regardless of where he was flying or why. While serving, he always made sure to get a seat near one of the windows, if feasible, so he could see the sky. It was as if he were in another universe where pain and misery did not exist. There was nothing except natural beauty and the sun. He'd finished a dozen paintings inspired by what the sky looked like above the clouds.

He found himself drifting off to sleep without even realising it. As he leaned back in his seat, he didn't even notice his eyes closing. Perhaps it was because his body realised, he was safe and that sleeping was no longer a problem. But his brain was also telling him that he needed to eat, and yet his body craved sleep. He knew Mick would make sure he was awake for his meal, so he simply let his mind drift off into the darkness.

Chapter Text

Deputy Chief Muller had begun to shut himself in his office whenever he could to attempt to get a handle on all he had to do. He knew he'd have to deal with a lot more paperwork than in his previous post when he took the job, but he thought he'd gotten lucky by taking the job after the lawsuit against them was settled. But he never expected to have to cope with so much paperwork; he was practically drowning in it. He wished he could have remained a lonely Captain, fighting fires alongside his men. But he had always aspired to go higher, to be able to work on regulations that made their jobs safer and to raise funds to provide his fellow brothers and sisters with the best equipment and gear. However, he now wishes he hadn't. Some days he despised his job and wondered why he had done this to himself, but then he remembered all the lives he was saving by dealing with all the bureaucracy and crap that came with his new stripes.

He had wanted to ease into his new post on his first day, but as soon as he entered his office, he was called to a conference with the other Chiefs, which he had no prior knowledge of. In that meeting, he had to listen to all the areas of concern that needed improvement and the time frame for doing so. He discovered the cause of his meeting at the end. It turned out that the lawsuit he'd heard about and thanked the gods for missing had been started for all the right reasons. They had fallen short on some major problems and were fortunate that the firefighter in question had wanted his job back more than money, or they would have been in a lot of trouble. New rules were to be implemented in which the Chief in charge of the region would communicate with any injured firefighter's doctors and trainer to determine when they were cleared for duty, and if the station's captain had an issue with the firefighter in question, then the firefighter in question could request to be moved to another station return. This meant additional work for the Chiefs, but it could spare them from a future lawsuit.

He read through every report made about the lawsuit after returning to his office following that meeting. He had to be aware of everything. To be honest, when he initially heard about the lawsuit, he, like many other firemen, felt betrayed that one of their own was suing the department. The LAFD has always had an unwritten code of brotherhood that was comparable to the LAPD's unwritten code in that they protected each other as much as possible. It was a tough pill to swallow to believe that one of his brothers had betrayed them. However, the bitterness had vanished the moment he learned who had filed the complaint. The name shocked him, and he saw immediately that there was more to the lawsuit narrative than he had heard.

Buckley was not a common surname, and while he had never met the man in person, he was familiar with him by reputation. Buckley wouldn't recognise him either. Before joining LAFD, he had been enlisted in the Navy and worked inside the intelligence community, so he knew a few of the important players and had enough of a security clearance that he could sometimes act as a sounding board for his friends who were more in the know.

Joe was one of those friends, and one rainy day he burst into his house, yelling about one of his seal teams trying to throw him to his death with their shenanigans. He first heard about Evan Buckley that day, and after a few weeks discovered that the boy was one of Joe's best. He'd left shortly after that and joined the LAFD to be closer to his old mother, but he'd always recalled the name. He and a couple of the other officers joked that Joe had lost all his hair because of the antics Joe's crew seemed to do in order to fulfil their job.

And now he kind of gets it. He remembered reading some of the reports on Buckley's spectacular rescues, which many, including himself, thought was impossible. However, the fact that he had completed them only fuelled his rage at his other Chiefs for failing to notice that Buckley had not returned to active duty despite having been taken off medical leave.

After assuming his new position, he spent time reviewing as much of the lawsuit's papers as he could to better understand what had happened to drive a man known for his loyalty to sue his Captain and the department. He'd spent a whole day and a half going through everything before returning home and finishing a bottle and a half of the strongest whisky he had in his cabinet. It was the only thing keeping him from walking around to Captain Nash's house and hitting him in the face.

Nash had deceived one of their own worse than Buckley, whatever everyone else thought of him. Buckley had simply done this to try to get back to work for his livelihood. He knew more than one stubborn firefighter who had returned from injury before they were ready, including himself. This should never have happened, and he was surprised that no one had seen it.

He also recognised that the department and the city had been extremely fortunate that Buckley had only wanted his job back rather than cash compensation. He had seen the offer and questioned Buckley's sanity because, even though he loved his profession, he would have been tempted to take the money. He could live very nicely on that money, and his children could do the same. His wife would have killed him if he hadn't taken the money if it had been presented to him. However, upon closer inspection of the settlement offer, he realised that the Chiefs had made a mistake. He understood that if they had done nothing wrong, the city or the department would never have attempted to settle. Anyone who read the report could easily see that. And not at that price.

Reading the reports, he was also surprised to learn that Nash was still Captain and in command of the 118. He would have made it his personal duty to ensure that Nash never returned to Captain if he was demoted. And, after learning that Nash would not suffer because of his actions, he requested a meeting with the Chief. He was furious not only because a firefighter had suffered because of a Captain's personal difficulties, but also because it had been Buckley.

In that meeting, he discovered that all 118 members had been penalised in some fashion, but it had only been Buckley's suggestion that had saved their employment. Another cause for everyone to see how devoted the kid was. He was still protecting them even though they had injured him. But this enraged him even more. It was the captain’s responsibility to protect his men, not vice versa. And Nash had let Buckley down.

He despised the thought that one of his fellow Captains had prevented a well-trained and seasoned firefighter from returning to work after sustaining an accident on the job. Because not all members of the department had the same training, this could have put members of the public at risk. But, to make matters worse for Nash, Buckley had not only passed all his re-qualifications but had also broken many department records. Buckley's name had come up in every Captain's search for a new firefighter for their unit, he knew. And he knew it remained the same even now. He laughed at the prospect; this wasn't the first time Buckley had been sought after by other teams.

Buckley's reputation and skills had made him coveted by practically every team the Seals had, but a transfer was never going to happen because, unlike Nash, his old team was as dedicated to Buckley as he was to them, if not more. He'd merely been happy that Buckley plainly had a strong sense of self-worth and loyalty to him. He was shocked that it had taken him so long to initiate the complaint, given that he should have returned much sooner when his doctors cleared him. But it seems that he had reached his limit. He'd pushed hard to go back to doing what he loved, which was helping people.

He was surprised that Buckley had joined the LAFD instead of going on to join the LAPD bomb squad or another bomb team in the country as he had published a few articles and designed equipment that had saved many bomb techs while in the Navy. He also had the impression that no one had noticed how intelligent the man was. He was quite aware that the 118 did not, or else they would not have treated him in this manner.

He had gone through the list of all the new regulations and procedures that were going to be implemented in the department after completing all the litigation files and a large drinking session. He now understood them; it appeared that he wasn't the only one who was unhappy with what happened following the lawsuit.

These new restrictions would keep other firemen from meeting the same fate as Buckley. Improving communication with the department allowed them to not only keep track of their firefighters' and paramedics' health but also to improve their care. Counselling services, for example, should be made more accessible, as should transportation to and from appointments, so that they can return to work on time. Things that should have been in place before the bombing, but they were at least learning from their mistakes.

When he arrived at his office today, he had the feeling that everything was going to go wrong. He had awoken with the thought that he would regret getting out of bed. Nothing had happened on his journey to work; he was greeted with a bright smile by his assistant Elizabeth Farrell. Something that would not have occurred if there was already a problem.

Mrs Farrell had been with him since he started his new job, and he couldn't be more grateful. She had worked for the former Deputy Chief and was more knowledgeable about the job than he was. It had only taken her a week to pick up on all his minor habits, such as the fact that he had two sugars in his coffee in the morning but switched to decaf in the evening (to please his wife) or that he preferred his meetings to have an hour interval between them in case they ran over and allowed him to regain his breath. She'd been a god's gift for the last two weeks, never shying away from telling him how she felt about a situation. Her wife was also a firefighter, so she was aware of the gossip before he was.

Elizabeth followed him into his office and ran through his schedule, reminding him of his three meetings for the day. As he sat down at his desk, she handed him his cup of coffee. She truly saved my life. She soon left him alone, he sighed as he sipped his coffee. He really needed this. Nonetheless, he couldn't shake the unpleasant feeling. He tried to recall what his meetings were about, thinking that maybe it was the cause, but after checking through his diary, he saw that they were merely meetings on the new policies and an update on some new equipment that they were intending to roll out in the department. Nothing in particular should be driving the uneasiness and gut sensation that something was wrong.

He sighed again before logging into his computer and sipping another long gulp of coffee. He had a few emails that had arrived overnight, but he could deal with them once he drank his coffee. But as he set his cup down and turned to face his computer, his phone began to beep. He realised it was an internal one because of the buzzing sound, so he pressed the speaker button without checking the name.

"Yes." He said aloud as he leaned back in his chair, attempting to work on the first email from HR regarding an upcoming conference in New York. But he picked up his cup and took another sip while waiting for the speaker to speak.

"I apologise for bothering you, sir, but I have Henrietta Lang from NCIS on the phone for you. She said it was important." Elizabeth's voice came through the phone.

He spat out some coffee and began to choke on what Elizabeth had just said. He couldn't seem to stop coughing. His throat stung as his mind raced about shouting danger at him. He'd heard her name before, but happily, he'd never met her. That was a name to be both feared and admired. Henrietta Lang was a well-known and feared figure in the intelligence field. He’d heard the name a few times from his commanders and seen the terror in their eyes while he was in the Navy. He could only surmise that this was the dreaded feeling he had been feeling all morning, but he had no idea why this intelligence legend would want to speak with him.

"Are you okay, sir?" He could sense Elizabeth's concern in her voice after hearing him choke.

"I'm fine...did you say Henrietta Lang?" he replied, struggling to clear his throat and regain his voice. He took a small sip of coffee to soothe his throat. Why would a well-known intelligence operator with Lang's credentials want to speak with him? But then he remembered what Elizabeth said, so Ms Lang had left the intelligence field to join NCIS. He then tried to recall how many of their people were now serving in the reserves, in case that was the reason for the call.

"Yes, sir..." Elizabeth began to speak, and he could tell she was concerned by his reaction. "...do you want me to tell her you will call her back?" She then inquired.

"No. No, I'll take it right now." He spoke swiftly. You didn't just hang up on a legend without a bloody good reason, and he didn't have one other than not wanting to irritate her.

"Of course, sir, I'll put it through," Elizabeth responded, returning to her professional tone.

"Thank you..." As he drew his tie back up to his collar, he mumbled. He didn't know why he did it, but he couldn't stop himself. Before continuing, "... make sure I'm not disturbed." He knew he didn't have a meeting until 10 o'clock, but he wanted to be sure no one came in while he was dealing with this.

"Of course, sir," Elizabeth responded before the line was cut. He knew it wouldn't be long before the phone rang. He was aware that he needed to be cautious about the information he willingly shared. Another thing his former commanders mentioned was that Lang could extract information from anyone without their knowledge. He picked up the phone and turned off the speaker. For some reason, he felt the need to keep this chat as private as possible.

Before he heard the sound and the line connected, there was a brief moment of stillness through the receiver. He didn't know what to say, but he was beaten to it by a voice that both terrified and admired him.

"Deputy Chief Muller, thank you for taking the time to answer my call," The call was interrupted by a voice. The voice was soothing and soft, which confused him because all his mind could think about was how his commanders could be afraid of someone who sounded like she couldn't kill a fly. But he was well aware that people who appeared to be harmless were in fact among the most dangerous people in the world.

"It's not a problem, Mrs Lang." He began but felt his voice was hoarse, so he coughed once to try to clear it before adding. "How can I help you today?"

"It's Miss, and I'd like to speak with you about one of your firefighters if you have the time." Miss Lang's voice responded, but Muller felt his mind stop at her remark about one of his own. He was fiercely protective of his people, and any suggestion to discuss one of them raised the hairs on his body. But this time the feeling was worse, perhaps because NCIS was involved. Or perhaps because he felt like something was going on that he wasn't aware of.

"My apologies," he added before asking, "and which firefighter is that?" However, something in his gut told him that he knew which firefighter Miss Lang wanted to speak about. He couldn't bring himself to speak the word even in his head because he was afraid it would become a reality.

"Petty Officer Buckley," Miss Lang said but did not go on.

He felt as if the world had stopped moving. He loathed hearing the kid's name over the phone, and he understood why. Buckley was a fantastic Seal and firefighter; had something happened in which Buckley was involved? Had something happened to him, and NCIS had been notified because he was a former Navy? Had he been called back? No. That couldn't happen because he was retired. Right? He also thought it was strange that Miss Lang addressed Buckley by his rank after he had retired; he had checked a long time ago to make sure Buckley wasn't still enlisted when he learned he was in LAFD.

He was surprised to read the words honourable discharge on Buckley's file because he assumed the kid was a lifer. Whatever had happened had caused a kid who had the potential to go far to simply quit. He hadn't gone snooping, no matter how badly he wanted to.

"I'm sure you're aware, Miss Lang, that Buckley retired from the Navy," Muller remarked, shaking his head slightly. After all, it was in his file, so NCIS should have known.

"I am aware, but because of the nature of his role within the Navy and the type of contract he signed when he joined, he may be called up if his skills are needed for the good of the country." Miss Lang responded.

There was no resentment in her voice, as he had expected when he tried to correct her. And he knew Buckley would have signed a contract identical to his because the Navy had spent a lot of time and money training outstanding warriors like him. But he also knew that until the country was in grave peril, they would not recall him. He knew that the kid was brilliant; he had a couple of degrees to prove it. On top of that, the kid had a glowing armed forces file that he suspected was still at the high brasses' desks, marked 'only if needed' so it was on hand if they needed him.

"I am aware of that as well. But why is he of interest to you?" Muller stated and then inquired. He was curious as to why NCIS was interested in Buckley; had he been recalled and NCIS was simply informing him? Was he supposed to be somewhere? That also couldn't be right. This entire talk was giving him a terrible headache, and unless Miss Lang informed him what was going on, he was going to lose it with her, which he was convinced would not end well for him.

Miss Lang continued after a little moment of silence. "This is more of a favour to myself and Petty Officer Buckley. You will have received an email from him in your inbox asking for immediate leave. I'd like you to sign off on it."

Muller found himself frozen, unsure of what to do. What exactly was Miss Lang on about? What email? He couldn't stop his body from moving so he could see his computer screen better. His eyes raced over the screen and swiftly checked through his emails. Miss Lang had no means of knowing about an email he hadn't even seen. But he was mistaken.

It simply took one scroll of his mouse to locate the email Miss Lang was referring to; Buckley had sent it to him at some ridiculous hour this morning. Buckley's email was straightforward; he requested leave with no return date specified and attached a doctor's note. He didn't bother reading too much into it because he suspected Miss Lang knew more than he did. And it contained more than the doctor's note and Buckley's email.

"May I ask how you are aware of this request before I am?" Muller inquired without hesitation.

Before Miss Lang could respond, the queue went silent once more. "I can guarantee you there is nothing like what you are insinuating, Deputy Chief. Petty Officer Buckley's close friend is one of my agents, and he has asked for a day off to be there with his friend."

Muller's mind was attempting to make sense of what had happened. Buckley would have friends from his Navy days with whom he was still in contact, and it was only logical that one of them would be with NCIS because it was close to the Navy without being in it. He was aware that the 118 was on leave for a few days, but he found it curious that Captain Nash had not requested shift cover for Buckley's absence. Buckley, from what he could tell, had approached them without consulting Nash. Something was going on, he knew there had to be some friction between the two men, but he remembered another Chief saying that they had advised Nash not to let his personal sentiments interfere with his job again. And now he had a sense it had something to do with Buckley's departure.

"Do you know why Buckley has requested this time off?" Muller inquired, hoping that Miss Lang would at least give him a general notion of what was going on with his firefighters, if not the entire truth.

He heard Miss Lang sigh and knew he wasn't going to enjoy what he was about to hear. "I don't want to speculate, but from what I understand, the request is due to some health issues, according to the report I received from my agent, there may also be a conflict that has arisen between himself and the rest of his team since his return."

Muller closed his eyes and sighed loudly. He should have known if something was going on in one of his own houses. He knew the lawsuit had hurt people's feelings, and he was cursing himself for thinking things would be fine. Muller had been taken aback when he realised Buckley intended to return to 118 following the lawsuit.

"How bad of a conflict?" He inquired gently, as if he didn't want an answer yet knew he needed one. This was something he needed to deal with right now before things got worse. He would give Buckley all the time he needed to recover. But he got the impression that nothing was physically wrong with him. It was more mental than physical that was generating the problems. He'd seen what a mind could do to a body. And he didn't want to put someone who wasn't emotionally stable into burning buildings, praying for them to come out each time.

"I'm not sure, Deputy Chief Muller, but I believe Petty Officer Buckley has suffered as a result. However, I hope you will investigate the matter to determine the extent of the abuse," Miss Lang replied. However, he suspected that she knew more than she was giving on. But the term 'abuse' set off warning bells in his head. He tried to wrack his brain to remember if he had ever received a report of abuse in the 118 and couldn't recall a single one.

Buckley had been suffering in silence since his return to 118. Was the abuse merely verbal, or did it turn physical? Was the abuse committed by the entire household?

He muttered something beneath his breath and shook his head. They'd dropped the ball yet again. Had they allowed the abuse to occur by failing to monitor them? "Don't worry Miss Lang, I'm planning on it," he finally said after calming down a little.

"Good, and please don't hesitate to contact me if you need any assistance in this matter," Miss Lang answered, and he could tell she was vowing to become involved if necessary. He also had a feeling she'd be following his investigation whether he liked it or not.

"Thank you for that offer, Miss Lang, and I will make certain that Buckley receives the support he requires from us," Muller stated before sending a short email to the Chief requesting an emergency meeting as soon as possible and an internal message to Elizabeth cancelling his other meetings. He had something that couldn't be put off any longer.

"You're very welcome, Deputy Chief Muller. I'll leave you to handle Petty Officer Buckley's leave, and you have my direct number if you need anything from me. And please convey my best wishes to Petty Officer Buckley." Miss Lang said, and he could sense she was getting off the phone. That he was grateful for. He had a lot of work ahead of him.

"Of course, thank you again, Miss Lang." And then he heard the sound of the line being severed. But he couldn't get out of his seat. How had this happened again? He was aware that he was repeating the same questions in his brain and that he would be doing so for some time.

But he was certain of one thing: he was going to find out what the hell was going on at the 118. If he discovered that Nash or anyone else was causing Buckley harm, he would demand that they be fired or, if that was not possible, lose their rank. If they lost Buckley as a result of them, the residents of Los Angeles would suffer as well.

He turned and pressed his intercom button to Elizabeth a bit harder than he should have, hoping he hadn't broken it. He swiftly remarked as he heard Elizabeth accepting the call. "Elizabeth, could you please come in here?" he asked before she could speak. He didn't want to postpone or wait any longer in case someone caught wind of this and slowed their investigation.

"Yes, sir." Elizabeth's voice replied, and he barely had to wait 20 seconds for her to enter his office with her notepad. Was he really so predictable?

"Sir?" As she sat on one of the seats in front of his desk, she said. He knew she had read the irritated expression he thought was written all over his face.

"Elizabeth, please contact HR and inform them that Firefighter Buckley is on leave until further notice and that I will send them all necessary paperwork in due time." He began to speak and watched as Elizabeth began to write down notes, but her eyes shot up as she heard the name. She, too, had believed Buckley had been dealt a bad hand recently, and she had indicated to him that her wife had worked with the 118 on calls and got along best with Buckley. But he could tell she knew something else by the anxious expression on her face.

"And mention that cover for the 118 will need to be arranged until then. I'll notify Captain Nash, and they'll have to run one shift a man down until we can acquire cover." He then leaned back in his chair and stated. He was getting a migraine right now.

"Yes, sir, is everything alright?" Elizabeth inquired as she scribbled.

"No, it's not." Perhaps a little brutally, he remarked as Elizabeth glanced at him, giving him the same look his wife gave him when he pushed his luck with her. "Also, please notify HR that I require all call logs for the 118 since Buckley's return to active duty, and please ensure that I am clear to visit the 118 when Nash's crew returns to duty." He felt himself spit out Nash's name, and Elizabeth gave him another glance.

"Yes sir. Do you want reports submitted solely by the 118 or ones involving other stations as well?" Muller wanted to kiss her immediately now when she asked. He had never considered requesting reports from other teams. It would give him a better understanding of what was going on.

"Other stations as well." He said, then remembered Elizabeth's expression when he uttered Buckley's name.

"You got it, sir," Elizabeth responded, making another note. But then she came to a halt and inquired quietly. "Sir, is Buck okay?"

The question did not surprise him. He remembered Elizabeth telling him once that Buckley had come to their house on his day off a few times before the lawsuit to assist her wife with some new training that they were studying and to assist her with the bits she had been struggling with.

"Thank you, Elizabeth and I'm not sure. You might have heard something more than me, have you?" He inquired, knowing that Elizabeth usually knew the gossip before him, so if anything happened that other stations were aware of, she would be aware of it.

He observed as Elizabeth halted and sat in silence for a few moments before sighing. "The only thing I know is that Buckley has been left as the man left behind more than any other when on shift." She explained while fiddling with her pen. He suspected she knew more, but he wasn't going to press her. If he wanted to set things right, he needed evidence, not gossip.

"Thank you, Elizabeth, and don't worry, I'm going to figure out what the hell is going on in one of my stations." He stated emphatically.

"I'll clear the rest of today, sir, and I'll get your lunch order in," Elizabeth stated as she rose to her feet.

"Thank you so much, Elizabeth, you're a star," Muller remarked, smiling, that he would be lost without her. And he knew that no one could say no to her, so she'd get him what he needed.

"No problem, sir," Elizabeth answered as she returned to her desk to get things started.

He had to put things right not only for Buckley but also for every other LAFD firefighter. If Nash was making things difficult for Buckley, he would make certain that when the kid was ready to return, he would not be returning to the 118. He would be heading to a house that appreciated him and wanted to work with him regardless of the lawsuit. He knew there were plenty of houses interested in Buckley, so he didn't have to worry about not finding a house for him.

But just now, he needed to figure out what the hell was going on at the 118. He was going to get to the bottom of it, whether it was good or bad.

Chapter Text

Steve was furious; no, that wasn't correct; he was fuming right now. He'd give those bastards a piece of his mind if he could get on a plane and fly to LA right now. After getting off the phone with Bomber, all he wanted to do was hurl his phone against the wall to vent his frustration. It was either that or a few potshots at the wall, but he didn't think HPD would be impressed if they had to respond to calls at his house for that. Danno, he knew, would murder him if he had to fill out any more of his paperwork for him. However, he couldn't think of anything else to express his rage just now. It was suffocating him. He hadn't felt this much rage and hatred since his father's death, and all he could think about right now was how he could get away with murder. Because he was more than happy and willing to kill everyone who hurt his little brother so badly that he wanted to kill himself to avoid the pain he was feeling. He also hated himself for leaving his litter brother in the cold for so long without reaching out. He'd done his best to track him down after he'd left him, but life, like everything else, had gotten in the way.

After his father's death, he had reserved a text message from his brother asking if he was okay, and he had heard of a substantial anonymous donation to the HPD bereavement fund for the families of fallen officers that had been put in his father's name. He knew the money came from Bomber, but he never confronted him about it. He was aware that his younger brother did not wish to be recognised for his charitable efforts. He simply enjoyed helping others. That fund, he knew, had assisted many families of fallen officers, and at one of the events he had attended as part of 5-0, he had heard firsthand how the money contributed in his father's honour had paid for a fallen officer's son to attend college and train to be a doctor. He was extremely proud of his brother for assisting a fallen officer's son in pursuing his dream.

A number of cops and family members had questioned him several times that night if he knew who had made the donation, but he had remained silent. Danno, on the other hand, had a feeling he was lying. Danno had only once asked him if he knew where the money had come from after they discovered that the fund had paid to help Meka's family after they cleared his name. He understood Danny's desire for an answer at the time and simply stated that it was from one of his Seal brothers who had left the service. Fortunately, Danny didn't ask for anything else. He simply asked him to thank him on behalf of himself and Meka's family. He nodded, and they left it at that.

Over time, he'd also discovered that it wasn't the only donation made in his father's name by his younger brother. It seems that his little brother was still looking out for him. Even from afar. He was well aware that the money donated was pennies to Bomber. Ever since he returned to Hawaii, he had heard stories about large donations arriving on the island to aid people and the island itself. He'd heard from the governor personally that a substantial donation had been made to the museum to aid in the preservation of Hawaiian culture and heritage. That made him grin since, while they were serving together, Bomber had asked a lot of questions about Hawaii and its culture. And, if he remembered correctly, they had spoken for hours while his younger brother had merely listened to him.

He was surprised that the youngster hadn't come to the island, given how much he appeared to like hearing about it. But perhaps he wasn't in the correct frame of mind at the time. After Bomber had left after the bastard had walked away from him, he had worried that he would also lose his beloved brother. When he went, saying goodbye to him felt like signing his death certificate, but after making him promise, he felt a little better.

The promise had been simple; he had cornered his brother as he was packing to go and pulled him into the longest hug he had ever offered. He didn't want to lose any more members of his family, but he had to say goodbye to the brother who had entirely become a member of his family and was killing him. He simply asked his brother if he ever felt like ending his own life then he would call him.

He'd buried brothers who'd committed suicide before, and each time it broke him a little more. He thought he had failed them by not reaching out or noticing that they were in trouble. Bomber was his little brother in every aspect but blood. And he wasn't about to bury him after failing him like that. But he realised he couldn't keep the kid locked up; he had to let him go and let him find himself on his own. So the promise came to be. It sounds ridiculous, and perhaps it was at the time, believing that making the kid promise him something like that would work, and yet it had.

The call from Bomber had terrified him more than any assignment or case had. He would even allow himself to be captured and tortured by Wo Fat in North Korea again if he could never receive this phone call again.

Hearing from his younger brother had brought a grin to his face initially. They had texted and emailed a couple of times, but that was it. But just hearing Bomber's voice made him realise something was wrong with him. And when he mentioned the promise, he realised what his brother was trying to tell him. He didn't need to say the words because he already knew. He was on the verge of losing another member of his family if he was not careful.

He also despised the fact that all he could do was sit in his couch and listen to his younger brother sob on the phone, powerless to intervene. All he wanted to do was grab hold of him and hug him until the pain was gone. Then he had to restrain himself from expressing his rage at people who had harmed his little brother with his voice. He was aware that if he came across as harsh or angry, Bomber would take it personally. He was always doing it. No matter who he was upset at, if he spoke harshly to Bomber, he assumed he was to blame. No matter how many times he said that he wasn't mad at him. He always thought that it was his fault. Even throughout his training, if one of his fellow Buds was injured or something went wrong within the group training, he would blame himself, even if it wasn't his fault.

He had noticed a lot of habits in Bomber that he had never seen in any other Seal he knew of. Habits and abilities that should not have arisen in such a young person. While he was out of commission after being shot during an operation, he worked as an instructor at Bud's for a while. It was good to see some of the instructors who had put him through the training again, and because he was planning on heading his own team, he wanted to see who was coming through. Even though he had been leading a team for some time, he would have complete control over who was on it this time. They were gone if he didn't want them.

Bomber, or Buckley as he was introduced, was a kid who he was drawn to. He didn't know why, but something about the kid bothered him, and he wasn't the only one. When a few other commanders came to check on the classes for any new recruits to their teams, they all seemed to be watching Bomber more than others. One night, he asked the main instructor why, and it turned out that Buckley possessed a skill that both scared and amazed him.

Apparently, they realised early on in training that Bomber could turn off his emotions totally and then put them back on without any problems. They were all instructed to suppress their emotions in order to accomplish the job they were being trained for but to be able to just switch them off and on was a capability he had only seen in a few other operators, all of whom were seasoned soldiers.It was unheard of for a Seal who hadn't even completed his training to have this skill. And it had disturbed him back then about the kind of life he lived before enlisting. Only someone with deep trauma might possibly already have such skill.

Steve had observed Bomber's training and discovered that the kid could learn any skill faster than others. He had just gone to check something one night when the other trainees were at the pub or out doing something when he discovered a light in one of the training rooms was still on. He carefully opened the door to see Bomber seated at one of the workstations, poring over what appeared to be manuals. The kid was eager to learn. He had previously entered one of the lessons, and the kid had answered more questions than anyone else and asked several. He had no idea how the teacher knew the answers as he didn't know half of them.

He'd heard others claim that Bomber was wise beyond his years. When Bomber developed an interest in explosives and technology, they provided him with everything he needed to become the best. Steve had often caught himself softly smiling as he watched Bomber grow into a Seal who was not only loyal and loved by his brothers but also a more confident man in himself. He knew he shouldn't be, but he always saw the kid as a little brother and also at times having a fatherly tie with him as well. Freddie had told him that he wouldn't be surprised if Bomber didn't notice the link. And he was correct. When he lost Freddie, Bomber was there for him.

He hadn't apologised or looked at him as if he was about to explode like everyone else. He was simply there for him. And he couldn't be more grateful to him. That night was filled with alcohol and agony. They had consumed at least three times their body weight in alcohol by midnight. And as a result, he may have discovered one of Bomber's secrets. He had foolishly begun to speculate on what would happen if he died in the field. They couldn't give Freddie the burial he'd deserved so he didn't really want one either. Bomber told him that Freddie wouldn’t like that and would have fought for him to have it. And then had drunkenly told him that it didn't matter if he died. No one would grieve his death. Nobody was going to his funeral. It didn't make a difference. And in that moment, he vowed to himself that he would never let his kid brother feel alone.

He only hung up with Bomber once he was certain that his younger sibling was safe. But it didn't ease his anxiety. He found himself on his back deck, trying to contain his rage with a drink of his father's strongest whisky. Had he failed his little brother once more? He wished he could help him more, but he couldn't. Bomber had complied and sent him his flight number. He knew he needed to make certain that Bomber would follow through, which is why he had phoned Sam. He was the one brother in LA who he knew would get Bomber on that plane without a fight.

He was relieved to have concluded his last case because he wasn't about to abandon his brother in this condition. However, he didn't want to dump everything on Danno. He knew he dropped a lot on his partner and didn't convey how much he appreciated him, but he did. Danno was the ideal partner for him. In some way, this whole situation with Bomber made him realise how valuable a solid partnership was. And he told himself right then and then that he would do his best to show Danno how much he appreciated him. Not just Danno, but the entire 5-0 team.

He'd formed 5-0 with people he trusted and admired, and he knew they'd gotten a lot of flak for merely joining 5-0 from HPD. He hadn't given any thought to how much he had asked for in offering the job to both Danno and Kono. Chin was aware that he had reintroduced him to policing when many still didn't trust him but he was a good cop. But Kono hadn't even graduated from the academy when she joined them, and Danno was a city cop new to the island. However, because they were HPD, they received a few comments regarding how they got their jobs. They hadn't mentioned it to him, but Chin had. He had warned Steve that HPD would not trust him and Steve because they saw him as a corrupt cop and him as a Navy guy given a badge. However, Danno had begun to make friends, and Steve recalled Meka's funeral and how many officers spoke to Danny there. And Kono was just getting started. If he hadn't taken her on, she could have gone far in HPD.

He knew they were happy with their work and would let him know if they weren't. Despite Danno's continual complaints, he knew his partner enjoyed working with Chin and Kono and him to a certain degree. Danno was one of the few individuals he could truly trust if he was being honest with himself. He had done so since the first time he met him. And he knew 5-0 was in good hands when he informed him he wanted a week off to take care of his brother.

He took out his phone and dialled Danny's number. He didn't even see the time, and as the call went to voicemail, he drew his phone away from his ear, bewildered, because he didn't understand why Danny hadn't answered him until he saw the time. If Danny had picked up the phone, he would have received a lot of abuse. But he realised he had to tell Danny why he had called at this hour. He waited until he heard the voicemail tone before answering.

“Hello, Danno. I'm going to be off for the next week, so you'll be in charge. One of my teammates is in trouble, so he's coming to stay with me for a while. Sorry for bothering you with this, but could you run 5-0 for me until I return? You can phone me if you need me, but I need to be with my brother right now. He's due to arrive tomorrow and isn't in the best way. I'm sorry for dropping this at the last minute, but he just called. And I'm worried about him Danny. Look... call me as soon as you get this, please. Thanks.”

He hung up the phone and looked down his garden into the dark ocean. He realised he couldn't do much tonight except prepare the extra room and make a list of groceries to pick up in the morning so he wouldn't have to leave Bomber alone. With one last sigh and a swig of his drink, he returned to his residence, pocketing his phone as he stood up.

As he returned home, he realised he needed to make sure the kid had a good meal ready for when he arrived. He had a feeling he hadn't been taken care of and remembered that not looking after himself was one of the major signs that the kid was stressed. He had a habit of forgetting to feed himself properly. He needed a meal that would satisfy the kid while also allowing him to stop eating if he became too full. He knew that if he cooked a full meal and Bomber didn't finish it, it would only make him feel worse. He had to be careful because Bomber would think he was being rude to him for not finishing the food. If he cooked it and then told him about it, he knew Bomber would force himself to eat it all, which could make him ill if he hadn't been eating well.

He was thinking about everything he could cook when he remembered that Bomber had always wanted to try Hawaiian food. He wasn't very good at cooking some dishes, but he remembered that when he wasn't feeling good after his mother's death, Mamo had cooked his famous Kalua Pork for him and his sister, and it had made him feel a little better. He had a feeling Mamo would still be awake; the man was normally awake. So he quickly texted him, asking if he could make some for him and a friend and drop it off at his house sometime tomorrow.

While he waited for Mamo, he took out a scrap of paper and began making a list. He knew that if Mamo couldn't deliver, he'd have to add a few more items to his list. After five minutes, Mamo texted back that he would sort it out and drop it off in the morning, but that it would still need to cook. But he'd figure it out. Mamo was a god-sent. He smiled and replied to him with a "Thank you." He knew Mamo still had a spare key to his house, so he could get it even if he wasn't there.

With the food sorted, he went upstairs to clean up the spare room, which had essentially become a dumping ground for him since moving in. He'd started storing his Navy gear in there because he didn't need it all the time. He knew he had room for them in his own room; he'd just gotten into the bad habit of dumping them in there. He wanted Bomber to feel like the room was his like he belonged there with him. That meant making certain that nothing of his remained in the room. He needed Bomber to believe in his mind that the room was completely his, which meant sorting out everything that was his and putting it in its new and permanent home. He couldn't just pick everything up and throw it in any open space in his house because he knew Bomber would find it and think he was bothering him. The space had to be perfect for him. He could leave some extra bedding and blankets, but that was it.

He wasn't sure when he finished cleaning, but the sun had risen. He realised he needed to get some sleep because he was going to pick up his brother from the airport. And the last thing he needed was to doze off and miss him. Because he knew that would break his brother even more and Bomber would think he had forgotten him. That, or he'd fall asleep on the way back to his house when he needed him again.

So he just lay on his bed and turned over before setting his alarm. He knew it was going to be difficult. Getting his struggling brother to trust him again. Even with their connection, he knew Bomber's walls would be up, with multiple chains and locks surrounding them, making it nearly impossible for him to break through without working with Bomber. However, knowing he wasn't alone made the whole thing a little easier. He had his team to help him and he knew that they would help him as they were his family too. His 5-0 family. They would work on rebuilding his little brother's confidence and encouraging him to believe in himself once more.

It would take some time, but they had all the time they needed. And as he closed his eyes again, he knew one thing was certain. He wasn't going to let Bomber leave without first returning to his normal self. And hell had to freeze over before he let him back into the hell of a firehouse. They were unworthy of him. They weren't going to get him back either. If Bomber wanted to return to LA to continue his career as a firefighter, fine, but he wasn't going back to that house. He'd move on to a better one. He'd make it clear to whoever became Bomber's new boss that the kid was one of the best. That he would not be used or abused again. Nothing would stop him from making them suffer if it happened. And he knew he wasn't the only one who had that thought. He would make them wish he could physically harm them even if he couldn't.

He would do anything to protect his family. Nobody was going to get in his way. No one.

Chapter Text

Buck opened his eyes as the captain said that they were about to begin their descent into Hawaii's airport and that they should buckle up. He couldn't recall waking up for food, but he hadn't felt like eating, so requested snacks rather than a meal. He was just glad he remembered to drink. He'd drank two smoothies and two bottles of water in between dozing, but he knew Steve would tell him that wasn't enough. He was frightened of disappointing Steve even further than he already had. He'd already taken one of the rooms in his home and didn't want to bother him any more than he was already. Steve would have worried about him so much that, like Sam, wouldn't have gotten little sleep last night. He declined to say anything to Sam about how bad he looked, but he could tell he hadn't slept well if at all. And the only thing that he could think of that had changed was that he had called for help. Their lack of sleep much like everything else at the minute, was all his fault.

He didn't want to upset his brothers any further, so he made it his mission to be as helpful to Steve as possible while he was staying with him. Steve also had a task force to oversee and people to help. On top of all of that, he didn't need to deal with him. He expected Steve would insist on staying with him for a few days after his phone call, and he didn't blame him. He must have come across as desperate and needy on the phone. And if he was honest with himself, he was. He still needed his older brother, but he realised he couldn't be greedy; other people relied on Steve, so he'd have to share him. He also formed a plan to find another place to stay after a week or so to avoid getting in Steve's way.

He was aware, however, that he needed to be cautious in how he informed Steve that he intended to find another place to stay after a week. He knew his brother was going to hit the floor, but he had to try to look after himself again. He didn't have to be concerned about the cost; he wasn't in debt or anything. He had a ten-minute search on his phone when he woke up and struggled to fall back asleep once during the flight. And discovered a few homes in good areas near Steve's address, but held off on looking further in case he didn't feel at ease on the island.

The landing was smooth and he barely felt it, unlike all of the C17 landings he had been used to while in the Navy. His anxiety began to rise as he noticed the plane slowly approaching the airport terminal. He had no idea why he was feeling this way. He was only meeting Steve, his brother, with whom he knew he was safe. However, he couldn't stop himself from feeling stupid for being anxious about simply seeing his brother. But he had no choice but to face it; there was no turning back now.

He gradually began to pack everything he had taken from his backpack, which was just a notebook, a pen, and Miss Lang's note. He stood up and waited for other passengers to pass him before exiting his chair. He'd slept more on the plane than he had in months, he reflected, and it was strange how much fear could interfere with the body more than anyone could have imagined.

The experience of stepping out of the plane into the Hawaiian heat was unforgettable. He could feel the warm air piercing his skin. He wasn't sure if it was the sense of safety he felt here or the lovely environment around him, but he didn't care. He'd seen photos and videos of Hawaii online, as well as Steve's stories, but they didn't give the place any credit. The sky was still brilliant blue but with streaks of purples, reds and oranges as the sun began to set. The flight had taken around five hours, and he had left after lunch, but the sky had only added to the beauty of the place.

He proceeded down the stairs, following the lengthy queue of people exiting the plane. And proceeded towards the terminal. Even from where he was, he could see that the terminal was crowded. So he stepped to one side but left enough room for people to get past him and took out his phone to see if anyone had called or texted him while he was in the air. He should have known better than to get his hopes up, but he couldn't stop himself. When he opened his notifications, though, he felt his heart fall a little. Only emails were present. There were no calls or texts from anyone in the 118. There was no response from Maddie or Athena. Nothing.

With another sigh and tears in his eyes from being forgotten yet again, he began to check the emails. One of them was Deputy Chief Muller, who informed him that he had arranged his leave and ensured that there was no return date, but that he needed to check in with him every two weeks. He realised why, so he closed it and opened the email from Mr Sanderford, who told him about an exhibition of his paintings in New York at a fancy gallery and asked him what charity he wanted to give to this time. The man knew him all too well.

Mr Sanderford had told him that the gallery was throwing a party for some wealthy New Yorkers with far too much money. The 'party' was also a fundraiser, and the gallery had requested that his work be displayed as the primary event. The New Yorker was a great fan of his and had requested that the best of his work be exhibited. They would be copies rather than originals. People wouldn't know the difference, but they'd sell for a lot. He was well aware of this. The gallery had requested three pieces that he knew would fetch him a fortune, but he wasn't going to keep them. He never did.

He sent a swift email outlining the three organisations to which he wished to donate. A nonprofit that provides care and support to the emergency services, an animal refuge, and a young group that works with at-risk children. He saved the email in one of his folders and then hovered his finger over the last new email. He was taken aback by who had emailed him, but he paused before opening it. He knew why he had been emailed and who had leaked information to him. Steve. Then smiled at the name and pressed the button to open it. It was from Joe White. His father figure and former leader. He would not have made it home if it hadn't been for Joe and Steve.

As usual, the email was straightforward. It simply stated that he was only a phone call away and that if he needed anything, he should ask for it rather than keep it to himself. Joe was the only person who could see through his mask in the past. There was no hiding from him; he could tell if he was okay or if he was getting closer to the edge without him saying a word. Another reason he admired Joe so much was that no matter how broken he was, he never picked on him in front of the others nor did he question them about him as it would only draw attention to him which he hated. When he was alone, he would simply appear and ask if he wanted to talk. It didn't matter if it was day or night. Joe would always be there for him.

Joe had moved into an intelligence officer than their commanding officer in the years leading up to his retirement. But it made no difference to him. Joe was simply Joe. Even though they didn't see him as much and he had a lot more secrets than before, it didn't change how the man acted around them. In their line of work, trust was essential. And, while he didn't always have faith in those other agents, he knew he could count on Joe to get them back safely.

He looked up to see if the queue for the terminal had shortened, and it had, so he began to walk slowly towards it. His skin had warmed in the warm air, and he felt better if he was honest with himself. He wasn't sure by how much, but he could feel something different in his body. He only took a few steps before a voice shouting his name stopped him in his tracks. He'd recently discovered that anyone shouting his name caused him to freeze in place, and fear flooded his mind and heart. He recognised the source of the voice without even turning around, and he cursed himself for being afraid of hearing his older brother's voice.

He turned to find Steve approaching him at a brisk pace. His older brother appeared healthy, but he could see his lack of sleep written all over his face. He felt his heart drop even more. He knew it was foolish to continue blaming himself for events beyond his control, yet he couldn't stop himself. He tried to smile at Steve, but the muscles in his face struggled to hold it. All of his emotions were now on display. Simply seeing his brother was putting fractures in his armour, and he had no idea how long it would be before those cracks began to crumble.

It didn't take long for him to be engulfed in his brother's arms. He didn't resist him like he usually does. The basic act of being hugged had become foreign to him in recent months. His nose became inundated with the aroma of safety as soon as his brother's arms wrapped around him. Steve had always felt safe to him. He smelled like a combination of sea air and gunpowder, and it was so familiar that he felt his shoulder muscles relax and his body slipped deeper into Steve's embrace. The dam in his mind finally burst for the final time.

All of his emotions erupted, and the tears he had fought so hard not to shed began to flow freely. Steve's arms tightened around him, drawing him closer to him until his face was pushed against his chest. His tears soaked down his brother's soft blue t-shirt. He felt terrible that he was doing this to his brother, and when he tried to break away, possibly to walk away and push his feelings back down, his brother's arms tightened so much that he was nearly cocooned in his brother's arms. He attempted to open his mouth to tell Steve that he was fine and that he could let go, but all he could generate was a deep sob that repeated itself over and over until he felt his entire mind be taken over by all the emotions he had bottled.

"It's ok kiddo. I've got you." Steve mumbled gently as he hugged him. He had no idea why all these emotions had surfaced now, but he was grateful that Steve was right there with him. Because he realised that facing this alone would not have gone well. His entire body ached. All of the emotions that he had suppressed for so long had erupted in a fresh fury, leading his body to take an even heavier beating.

"I'm sorry," he said as he pressed his face farther into Steve's shoulder. He simply desired to withdraw from the world, perhaps forget what he knew, and simply exist rather than live. Where his emotions didn't harm him, where he was just existing till the grim reaper came for him. Why did he give himself permission to live anew when he knew he could be hurt again? All of these questions circled his mind in a never-ending cycle.

"None of that now, Kiddo," Steve whispered again as one of Steve's hands began to move up and down his back. The simple comfort gesture that he had used many times in his life but had only been done to him a few times felt ten times better because it was Steve. He felt safe in Steve's arms. Safer than he had ever done before.

But there was a voice in the back of his head warning him over and over that he was going to hurt Steve as well. Because he'd done it to everyone else. He'd damaged his brother so badly that he'd never want him back, just like he had done to his LA family. And he realised there would be no reason to live if it ever happened.

But he kept those thoughts at bay by burying himself deeper into Steve's neck. He knew he must appear pathetic to everyone who passed by. A grown man sobbing and crying in the arms of another man. So pitiful.

"But..." he tried to say, clutching Steve like he was his lifeline. He wanted to tell Steve that what he was doing was wrong and that he shouldn't be acting like this.

"No Kiddo. We'll talk about it later." Steve stated emphatically. And he knew Steve wasn't going to be persuaded. Whatever conversation they were planning wasn't going to happen right now. Even if a small part of him wanted to get it over with.

Buck found himself nodding in response to Steve's remark. He appeared to be simply carrying out his orders, as he had done previously. After a few minutes, Steve slowly let go of him and stepped back, never letting go of him for a second. He found himself standing in front of his old commander, and he was transported back to their first meeting. He knew almost immediately after meeting Steve that he had met someone who would be an important part of his life, and he was right. He wouldn't be here today if it weren't for Steve.

"Ok kid, now let's get you home and get you something to eat and then bed." Steve then said softly.

He found himself smiling slightly at that remark because he knew Sam had grassed on him with a report on how little he had eaten with him and, more than likely, his fears of him not looking after himself properly. Which was why Steve had mentioned food. "I've already eaten with Sam and then had something on the plane." He shrugged his shoulders, knowing that he needed to eat more to try to regain the weight he had lost due to not taking care of himself.

However, every time he thought about eating, he felt nauseous and couldn't force himself to eat. He couldn't, at least not properly. He just wanted to go to bed and sleep for another week. Maybe he could convince Steve to forego the meal and go straight to bed. But Steve's expression told him that he wasn't going to get his way right now. He'd been receiving those looks for a long time while they were serving together.

"And when was the time before that?" Steve asked, finally letting go and crossing his arms across his chest. He was now in big trouble.

He couldn't look Steve in the eyes after hearing this. He couldn't lie to Steve and, at the same time, he didn't want to see the disappointment on his brother's face. He knew he should have taken better care of himself. He understood the significance of eating well and taking care of himself both physically and mentally. However, he didn't care at the time; he didn't care if he lost weight or his mind snapped. He was only concerned with helping others and persuading his family to forgive him. But he quickly realised that was a lost cause. Nothing was going to happen. They'd washed their hands of him. And he had to accept it. And he knew Steve would tell him that they weren't worthy of him or that he didn't know him as well as they thought. Part of that was correct, but he couldn't help but blame himself. He had caused this mess, and now he had to live with the consequences.

"Exactly..." Since it was obvious that he wasn't going to tell him the truth, Steve then added, "I've got my best Kalua Pork cooking at home, so come on." Steve said, and his cooking comment made Buck look up with a small smirk on his face. The idea of Steve cooking was both intriguing and concerning. The man could cook any of the Navy's MREs, making them slightly more edible, but cooking from scratch was like dealing with an IED; they had no idea when it would go off and try to kill them.

He had to give his brother another chance after all he had done for him. After he retired from the Navy and began travelling, he tried not to have to cook at all if he could help it by ordering takeaway or, if he did have to cook, he would go to a Wilderness shop and get their MREs or something similar so he wouldn't get food poisoning. He knew that if his mind was elsewhere, he couldn't trust himself to focus on anything other than his pain. And poisoning himself with food wasn't the best idea while he was alone.

"You mean you ordered it in? Right?" He inquired innocently, but he couldn't hide the grin on his face. He knew his brother wouldn't take his remark seriously, but standing in front of Steve made him feel a little more like his old self.

"No, you little shit..." Steve grinned and shook his head. He was relieved that Steve was behaving normally with him and not treating him like he could break at any moment. Even though he was aware that he was anything but normal at the moment. But maybe he'll get better with time and Steve's help.

"Mamo dropped it off this morning," Steve explained as he took his rucksack off him and swung it over his shoulder.

"Sounds about right," Buck muttered under his breath, knowing Steve had heard him. He remembered Steve telling him about Mamo and his famous Kalua Pork on one of their flights back from an op. Unfortunately, Hawaii had not been on his list of places to visit after leaving the Navy. He didn't know why, but he knew in his heart that it was to keep Steve at bay. He had been hurt by someone he completely trusted and wanted to protect himself from further harm from those he trusted.

"Come on Kiddo, let's get you home," Steve said, wrapping one of his arms around Buck's shoulders and pulling him along, but instead of heading towards the terminal, they headed in the opposite direction.

He came to a halt and turned slightly to face Steve whilst trying to look back at the plane where people were still getting off. "I need to get my bags," he blurted out. He hoped that Steve wouldn't just think he had travelled with only a rucksack and make him leave his other bags at the airport for them to lose. He didn't have much in them, but he knew there were some important things he didn't want to lose. He was pretty sure that Sam would have also informed Steve how many bags he had so he could make sure that he didn't lose any.

"Already got them," Steve replied with a smile, pulling him along towards the airport vehicles.

"What? How?" Buck was taken aback. He didn't understand why he was still astounded by some of Steve's abilities. He'd seen him do crazy things before and make it work, but how did Steve figure out which bags were his? Did Sam tell him what his bags looked like? Or did he simply pick up two bags that could be his?

"Sam slipped a tracker in each of them," Buck could only shake his head as Steve explained. He loved his brothers, but he loathed how protective they were of him at times.

"Why am I not surprised?" Buck muttered as he let himself be led away from the plane. He looked up as they passed the airport vehicles that were commonly seen on the tarmac to see Steve's blue truck parked right in the middle of them.

"And how did you get your truck on the runway?" He was surprised that Steve had been allowed not only on the runway but also to park his truck. Steve had to have connections on the island, but being allowed on the runway of a small airport was a no-no. Nonetheless, Steve was permitted. He wasn't sure whether he should be scared or impressed that his brother had these types of connections.

"I've got a badge and a really friendly face," Steve grinned as he took out his keys and opened the truck door.

"Liar," Buck laughed, and as he moved towards the passenger side, as he opened the door to climb in he noticed his two bags in the back seats. He recognised them straight away because one had a red and orange stitch square on the handle and the other had a blue and green one. Even though it was only a small square, he knew they were his. When his and another team member's bags got mixed up during one of their operations, he had the idea. He knew they were his without having to open them.

"Hey!" Steve yelled as he climbed into the driver's seat, tossing his rucksack into the back seat with his other bags, before adding, "I can be nice when I want to be and have a face that people just trust."

Buck laughed again as he climbed into the passenger seat, but this time his laugh felt much more genuine. He didn't realise it at the time, but as he leaned back in the truck seat, he felt more of his body relax. "Whatever you say," he said, pulling on his seat belt and watching Steve do the same. He just felt more relaxed, and now that he was in Steve's truck, he felt like he was breathing for the first time. The rest of his muscles, which had been tense for so long, had only recently begun to relax.

"Now come on, let's get you home," Steve said as he inserted his key into the ignition and started the engine.

"I've prepared your room. Sorry about the rest of the house; I got stuck with paperwork from our last case and didn't get a chance to clean." Steve continued as he drove heading towards the exit.

Buck snorted at Steve's remark about paperwork; he had wanted to ask how Sam had sneaked trackers into his bags without his knowledge, but that would have to wait. The fact that someone had made Steve do paperwork was far more amusing than attempting to figure out whose plan it was to track him down.

"Don't you get your partner to do it?" Buck inquired, smirking, that whoever had become his brother's partner had been saddled with all the paperwork from the start.

"Normally, but he told me to fuck off this time," Steve explained sheepishly.

Buck couldn't stop laughing; anyone who could make Steve do something he despised was someone Buck wanted to meet. He remembered Steve telling him about his brother's new partner in one of his emails. Danny, or Danno, deserved a medal for putting up with Steve for so long.

"What did you do this time?" He inquired, aware that there was more to Steve's statement than he was telling him. He knew Steve and Danny's relationship was as strong as his and Steve's, so whatever Steve had done had irritated Danny enough to make him do the paperwork.

"I may have blown up a car." Steve shrugged and began to concentrate on the road far more than was necessary.

Buck had seen some of the news reports that had occurred as a result of his brother's antics, and blowing up one car seemed insignificant in comparison. "Just one?" he innocently inquired.

"Yes." Buck thought Steve responded a little too quickly and his brother was no longer flicking his eyes onto him every minute and was now laser-focused on the road.

"And...what else?" He inquired. He knew there was more to this story, and if that meant slowly pulling every sting that his brother had given him until he unravelled, so be it.

"Fine, I may have threatened to throw someone off a roof," Steve responded with a sigh.

"Just threatened?" Buck inquired, leaning back in his seat and turning his neck so that his face was now directly facing him.

"Fine, I pushed him to see what would happen if he didn't talk and I let go." Steve finally admitted his guilt.

"You are impossible." Buck declared, shaking his head. He was surprised Danny hadn't murdered Steve for pulling that stunt. He was aware that Steve had previously threatened to throw someone off a roof, but the addition of blowing up a vehicle would have pushed anyone over the edge. Athena would have arrested Steve without hesitation.

"You do know that is against the law that you are meant to be protecting?" Buck inquired. He knew Steve would never cross the line, but he may have blurred it at times. But he'd seen a few cops in his time do the same thing, blurring the lines to ensure justice was served.

"You sound like my partner, you are meant to be on my side." With a huff, Steve said.

Buck was amused by Steve's childish remark. If his brother was right, he was always on his side. Always. If he wasn't, he'd tell him, but he'd also protect him as much as he could, just like in the old days. He had done his best to keep Steve safe, but they were just as bad as each other when it came to personal safety over saving someone. They were made to help people, no matter the cost.

"Always..." Buck muttered, then felt himself fade away. He had always done his best to protect his family, no matter what the circumstances was.

He had to help others. He was 'made' to help others. Even if he had failed the person he was meant to save, that didn't mean he couldn't use the life he had been given to help as many people as he could before his time came to an end. Why couldn't his family in Los Angeles see that all he wanted to do was help others? And see how he only used the lawsuit to fight for that right? Instead, they shunned him, kicked him out of their family, and abandoned him, as everyone does. He kept exposing his heart to others, only to have them rip it from his chest and stomp on it until it was destroyed.

Was he just weak? Was he simply the type of person who was used until he became too much of a nuisance? Because it appears to be a recurring theme in his life. His parents expected him to save his older brother, but when he failed to do so, they simply washed their hands of him. The love of his life grew tired of him and just left. Bobby had used him in order to make up for the loss of his family until the 118 became that family and after he had found Athena. Maddie returned to him because she needed him, and when she had started her own life, she no longer needed him to keep her safe. And Eddie was just looking for a free babysitter so he could go about his life without having to worry about Chris.

"Hey..." Steve's voice cut through his mind and pulled him out of it. "...where did you just go?" Steve inquired.

"Nowhere... I'm fine," Buck stated with a shake of his head. Trying to get rid of all the negative emotions and memories. He didn't want to go back there and confront those emotions, but he knew he had to. But perhaps not yet. Steve had stated that they would discuss things later, and now he understood why. He needed time to recover. Before they dragged all of his pain back up. He didn't want to completely break; he needed to heal a little first and then pray to God that his brother could catch him before he fell.

"I know you are, kiddo, and I'm here for you now. Remember that you can lean on me." Steve said as he gripped his forearm a little tighter as they both fell silent.

Steve's hand never left his arm, which he was grateful for. Steve was his anchor, and he desperately needed him right now. He'd make it through with Steve's help. He was going to make it. He kept thinking about it as they drove through the streets towards Steve's house. One day at a time, after all, the only easy day was yesterday.

Chapter Text

Steve sighed and collapsed onto the couch, closing his eyes. He knew, logically, that his younger brother was safe upstairs in his spare room, dead to the world, catching up on the sleep he clearly needed. However, a portion of his consciousness told him that his brother was in danger and that he needed to be with him. All he wanted to do was yell and shout at anybody and anything to vent his rage. He had failed his younger brother so utterly that he had almost lost him. He was so near to burying the one person he had seen as a family since the first time he met him. He'd merely come into the BUDs training class to meet one of his former instructors and buddies, and the kid had quickly attracted his eye. And he'd always been grateful to Joe for making sure he could get the kid on his team as quickly as possible.

Bomber had become his family at a time when he really needed one. Everyone, no matter who they were, liked the kid. He simply attracted people in. If he was honest with himself, he had used Bomber's good nature of making others relax more times than he had been injured, which was quite a feat. He had relied on Bomber's good disposition to help them perform more than one operation. That being said, he'd discovered that as cute as Bomber appeared to be, he was deadly when pushed. The kid, like him, was a trained killer. The lovable giant boy they all saw turned into a cold killer when pressed. And, as much as he despised summoning that aspect of himself, he was only alive today because of it.

It was his naive side of Bomber that had brought out Steve's older brother's side even more. After winning the kid's trust, he discovered that he wasn't the only one looking for a family; Bomber was as well. It was the reason their friendship had become so deep. He had relied on Bomber to keep him afloat after losing Freddie, and he had not let him down.

It was also the source of his current self-hatred. He had given his brother room after what had transpired to deal with emotions that even he had no idea how to deal with. But had he abandoned him for too long? He had done his best to track him down, calling in favours to keep track of his card transactions and alerting their brothers to keep a lookout for him. He would seize and clutch onto any information he could gather about him. His only concern was that his brother was alive. That was the only thing that mattered.

He now wishes he had intervened sooner.

He was overjoyed to learn that Bomber had moved to Los Angeles and begun a new life in the fire department. At the time, he believed that his brother had started his life in the finest possible way. He'd kept note of all his brother's insane rescues and had chuckled a few times believing he was the same. It was encouraging to see that his brother had recovered from his ordeal.

But everything had gone wrong, and he was now sitting in his living room, trying to figure out how he could help keep his brother alive after everything he had been through. He'd had his heart crushed twice, and there was nothing he could do about it. Other than being present for the next breakdown.

Bomber's phone call was the first he'd heard about, but he knew there had been others he hadn't heard about. While waiting for Bomber's plane to land, he asked Catherine for help in getting Bomber's medical records forwarded to the doctors at Queen's Memorial and the best doctors there. He had made arrangements for Bomber to see his physicians in order to get his health back on track. He could tell his brother wasn't taking care of himself, so he made preparations to provide him with the assistance he clearly required.

When Mamo had dropped the Kalua Pork, he also spoke to him about how he could help his brother. He wasn't good with emotions and was aware of it as a weakness, but he wanted to help his brother deal with whatever had occurred in LA. Mamo had been a calming influence for him, something he needed. Mamo had sat him down and reviewed some of the points he had raised when he sought his help. He had reminded him that he couldn't repair everything, but that acting as a sounding board for his brother would suffice at first, and that he should then follow his lead when he reached out to him. He knew Mamo only gave excellent advice and that he needed to listen to it, but he also knew Mamo had a history of attempting to solve everything. And he couldn't do that in this place. Bomber would have to approach him when he was ready.

When he got Bomber to his home, he got him to consume at least a plate size amount of food before asking to go to bed. His brother appeared broken as he sat in his kitchen attempting to feed him. All he wanted to do was pick him up, never let him go, and protect him from everyone who wanted to hurt him. But he knew he couldn't treat Bomber like that. He wasn't a child, despite the fact that he saw him as his little brother. He was a former Navy Seal who knew how to defend himself if he was physically attacked. But that didn't stop his fraternal impulse from taking over.

He found himself seated on the couch, staring up at the ceiling as if attempting to see through the ceiling to check on his sleeping sibling. When he showed Bomber the room, Bomber said it was too much for him, but he shrugged it off. His brother was stayed with him for as long as he wanted to. And giving him his spare room had no meaning for him. He was merely relieved that his sibling was around. He helped in carrying his stuff upstairs but had then left him to unpack without him glancing over his shoulder. But he hadn't gone far; instead, he sat on the stairs, intently listening for any signs of concern from his brother.

He must have sat there for ten minutes before getting concerned about the lack of noise coming from his brother's room and getting up to carefully open the closed door. He found himself softly smiling at the sight in front of him. Bomber's bags were empty at the end of the bed, indicating that he had placed his clothes in the wardrobe, while his brother was face down on the bed, dead to the world. He had removed his shoes, but he was still dressed. He suspected that his brother hadn't intended to sleep, but he was relieved that Bomber felt safe enough to do so.

He knew Bomber would regret sleeping in his clothes, but he couldn't bring himself to wake him up just yet, so he took his mom's throw from his bed and brought it into his brother's room for him to use, carefully placing it over his brother's body. He wished he could snuggle up with his brother to ensure his safety, but he understood that his brother needed space as well. Remembering what Mamo had said about waiting till he came to him. He then exited the room, quietly closing the door and heading downstairs.

He'd been sitting on the couch for nearly two hours, waiting for his brother to come up so he could be there for him. As he reflected on what his brother had gone through, a new wave of rage rose within him. Sam had been able to obtain additional information on the bombing and the lawsuit. And learning that someone who had told his brother face to face that they were family and in whom Bomber plainly believed had betrayed him and then cut him off from his family made his fury boil. Bomber had previously been betrayed by individuals he considered family, and he vowed to himself that he would do everything in his ability to ensure that this did not happen again. And he had fallen short.

He understood it wasn't his fault, that he had been in Hawaii and couldn't be spying on his brother every minute of every day. But that didn't mean he couldn't have kept a closer eye on his brother. But there was no use in looking back now, to paraphrase another of Mamo's remarks. He had to deal with it right now.

He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't notice someone knocking on his front door for several minutes. He kicked himself for not noticing the knocking right away, and he felt terrible if he had woken up Bomber.

He made his way to the front door, wrenched it open, and prepared to rip the head of whoever was hammering on his door clean off. But as soon as he did, he was confronted by his partner. Seeing Danny on his front doorstep with a face Danny reserved for when he had done something stupid. But he hadn't done anything stupid recently for Danny to show up on his door, banging like a madman. Or at least not what he was aware of.

"Danny…?" He began to ask his partner what was wrong, had something happened at work? One of his team members? He didn't notice any missed calls or texts from his team. Of course, he had a few in the morning, but he had responded to them, explaining that he needed to take a few days off and that Danny would be in charge. If they had tried to contact him again after that, he would have phoned them back, but he couldn't recall if they did.

Danny quickly pushed past him and proceeded into his living room before he could finish his question. He knew he wasn't getting rid of his partner now. His partner clearly had something to say, and he was going to hear it whether he liked it or not. But he was aware that if he caused Danny to raise his voice too much, they risked waking Bomber awake. And he knew that Bomber would take the fight personally, taking the blame without even knowing what the fight was about.

"Danny, everything ok?" He inquired hesitantly as he followed Danny after closing the front door as quietly as possible before turning to his partner and hoping that this conversation could take place without rising voices.

"You going to explain why I'm suddenly in charge for the next week and all I get is a voicemail telling me it but not why?" Danny asked gently, which made Steve's hackles rise. Steve knew Danny was angry when he yelled, but that was all. When his partner grew quiet and calm, along with that look, he realised Danny wasn't just irritated at something, but he was furious.

"Danny…" Steve began to speak, but Danny interrupted him by raising his finger.

"I want an explanation, Steven," Danny stated even more emphatically. Steve knew he wasn't going to get Danny to go until he told him what the heck had happened in the previous twenty-four hours. But he also understood that if he began to explain without first telling Danny to keep his voice down, there was a genuine chance of Danny increasing his voice and waking Bomber up.

"I will, just keep your voice down." He spoke quietly and walked as if confronting a terrible beast.

"Why? Do you have a hangover or something?" Danny scoffed angrily and went to look for signs of a massive drinking party.

Steve understood Danny's point of view and secretly wished he had spent the entire night drinking until he felt nothing at all. He also knew deep down that he was glad Bomber hadn't done exactly that. Bomber has only gotten that drunk twice in his life. After their first assignment, when he was compelled to take a life, his younger brother avoided drinking extensively for the rest of his life. The other occurred about the time he departed the Navy. Bomber understood that drinking to deal with his misery was never the solution, so he never got into the habit, but he wouldn't blame him right now if he just wanted to drink himself stupid.

"No!" Steve screamed, but then mentally kicked himself to quiet down. "My brother is upstairs asleep and I don't want to wake him up."

"Brother like Nick Taylor?" Danny asked, shaking his head rudely.

The name caused Steve to flinch. Danny was still resentful and angry with him because of his former brother, he knew. And he didn't hold it against him. He hated himself for letting Nick near his new family. In his defence, he had always been instructed that his Seal brothers were his brothers, and he had always followed that norm. So being deceived by his previous brother hurt like hell, and much more so because it had harmed his new family. He despised Nick for hurting them more than he despised Nick for hurting him. If he could murder him again while making it considerably more painful, he would.

"No! Bomber is not at all like that. He is a good man," Steve nearly burst out shouting at the prospect of someone comparing his younger brother to that monster. He tried to keep his voice down, however, in case their shouts woke Bomber up.

"Bomber?" Danny inquired, perplexed, but he didn't appear convinced.

He understood the remark; the kid's name was not one that screamed "safe." But that didn't mean the youngster wasn't the sweetest person on the globe when the mood struck. He also compared the kid to a Great Dane, large and terrifying at times but extremely kind on the inside. He despised anyone who believed his brother wasn't a good person, but he couldn't blame Danny for believing so. Mostly due to Nick. But he also knew that when he told everything to Danny, he would understand. Hopefully.

"His nickname, he left the navy a while ago and became a firefighter in LA." He elaborated. He didn't want to explain to Danny that the bomber upstairs was one of the best techs he'd ever worked with, capable of producing the best explosives when needed. Danny and explosions did not get along since his partner despised them and blamed him for them. And he wasn't wrong; he may not have Bomber's explosives talent, but he seems to need them a lot more since leaving the Seals.

"Right?" Danny sarcastically shakes his head once again.

This time, Steve felt another rush of rage, not directly directed at his partner, but close enough. "No, Danny Bomber would never harm a fly. He would only ever cause harm to himself." He snapped back but then slammed his mouth shut. He'd said too much. He'd let his emotions get the best of him and had just confessed to his partner his worst fear, which was seeing or hearing about his younger brother committing suicide.

"What?" After a few moments of stillness, Danny managed to murmur something.

"Doesn't matter…" Steve swiftly remarked, leaning back slightly as if using his body to prevent Danny from climbing the stairs to see his brother. He knew Danny would never do something like that, but he couldn't stop himself. It was as if his body was programmed to defend his sibling from everyone, including his partner.

"Look Danny I just need you to look after the team for me until I can get things sorted here." Steve continued, aware that his voice screamed desperation, but he didn't care. He simply needed to know that Danny would handle any cases that came their way while he tried his hardest to assist his brother in picking up the pieces of his life and stand tall once more.

"What happened?" Danny inquired softly, and Steve noticed that Danny's tight body had softened, and he smiled a little, seeing the fatherly worry on his face. Danny was one of the best fathers he knew, and the fact that simply stating one of his concerns about one of his brothers elicited that instinct only proved that he was correct.

"It's not my story Danno." Once again, Steve sounded despondent. He wasn't going to broadcast Bomber's story without his permission. He hadn't even told Mamo everything. He did trust them but since he didn't want to betray Bomber's trust he couldn't say a word. He had already said too much. Bomber had suffered enough people violating his trust recently, and he wasn't going to do it again.

"So you invited him here?" Danny inquired, but Steve had a sense Danny already knew.

"Yer, he's upstairs asleep," Steve explained while nodding his head.

"Good. Ok. I informed Chin and Kono and take care of the office." Danny said, bringing out his phone, and according to what Steve saw on the screen, he sent a group message to the others. He had a feeling Chin and Kono would be checking their phones to see whether they were needed. He found himself chuckling at the prospect of worrying his team so much while also trying to respect his privacy.

"You need anything getting?" Danny then asked, looking up from his phone pocket.

Steve found himself smiling a little more, knowing that his family at 5-O would always have his back and would go out of their way to help him. Something he had lacked since his father's death and departure from the seals. If he truly thought about it, he hadn't had a strong familial relationship since Bomber had left. And right now, he swiftly promised himself that he would never abandon his family again.

"No, I'm fine for the time being, Danno. But thank you." He spoke quietly. He was sorry Bomber hadn't woken up so he could introduce him to his new partner at that point. But first and foremost, the kid needed rest.

"OK. I'll leave it to you. Call one of us if you need anything, and Chin said he'll bring some of his Auntie's stew." Danny said as he approached the door.

Steve grinned and laughed a little. He had a hunch he'd be getting a lot of deliveries from the cousins' various relatives during the next few days. But he also understood that this would allow Bomber to realise what a wonderful community was waiting for him right here. He could see him live happily on the island, away from all the memories of what had happened in LA, but it would take time and a lot of work.

"Thanks, Danno." As he let Danny out, he said.

As he closed the door, he realised that with the support of his team, he would be able to help his little brother far more than if he was alone. He could convince Kono to take him out back on a surfboard, Chin's calming gifts could help him deal with his issues, and Danny could father him stupid while also convincing him to trust them more.

Everything would be fine; they would take care of him. Make certain that he heals and forgets the suffering he has left behind. He had no choice but to believe it. He had no intention of burying another brother. Not Bomber. Not whilst he was still breathing.

Chapter Text

When Buck eventually awoke from his slumber, the first thing he noticed was that he was lying on his front, his face buried deep into a cloud-like cushion. With how soft the entire cushion and mattress felt underneath him, he honestly felt like he was floating. It was also warm, which, combined with the softness, made him feel safe for the first time since the bombing. Something heavy and warm was also placed across his shoulders, covering his entire body. He didn't know why, but the weight of whatever it was made him feel something he hadn't felt in a long time: a sense of safety and love.

He hadn't felt those two feelings in so long that he had convinced himself that he hadn't felt them since moving to Los Angeles. The weight on his waist felt familiar as well. In his mind, he realised it was the sensation of someone drawing him near to them to comfort or show him that they cared about him. A feeling he was unfamiliar with now that he was alone. He was no longer liked or required.

That's when his mind finally caught up with him. He shouldn't be feeling this way; no one wanted or needed him any more. He was another problem they had to deal with. Any feelings of affection and warmth have long since passed. He was a failure after all, and he didn’t know why he kept trying to prove himself as every time he did, he just ended up harming people. Eddie was correct when he said he was exhausting to everyone. He was so intent on making others like him that he was more of a nuisance than anything else. According to Bobby, he couldn't even do his job. So, why did he keep trying? He didn’t know really.

He realised that no one needed him anymore and that perhaps they never did. He was simply beneficial to them; they didn't care about him. Bobby only wanted him on the team once he had finished all of his heavy rescue training since the department had to spend more money on the station because they needed better and more equipment. Eddie, he realised, had some of the same qualifications as him, but more was needed. When he originally joined the department, he was able to pull several of his Seal training certifications over, but Bobby had never questioned them, even though some of them were explicitly stated to be issued to him by the Navy. Bobby, he knew, simply saw him as an immature child who needed to be watched and controlled. He clearly didn't trust him because he was the reason he couldn't return, even after the doctors cleared him. Bobby merely saw him as a dummy who couldn't take care of himself.

Maddie simply needed him to get her new job and flat set up, and then he was just another problem to deal with. He knew she had basically raised him, but she occasionally forgot he was an adult, and she always talked down to him as if he were a child. Instead of letting him choose, she told him what was going to happen. Unless he counted the moment she called screaming at him for doing something in the first place against her wishes, she hadn't even bothered to speak to him since the lawsuit. She had said some harsh things to him back then that he wasn't sure he could forgive. The call was terminated after she yelled at him that his employment as a firefighter was done and that he needed to accept it and find a safer job before demanding an apology and terminating the call when he refused.

Hen and Chim were like Bobby in that they needed him for better and more advanced jobs. He'd even heard Bobby put them through further training to ensure they were better than any other paramedic team, but when he asked if he could add another qualification to his list, he was told no. Chim had even teased him about it, telling him that it was ridiculous to believe the department would spend money on someone like him. He had kept his qualifications up to date and had completed a few more privately, but it had cost him money out of his own pocket.

And Hen had essentially used him as a babysitter anytime she had forgotten about Karen working late and wanted to go out with Chim, or when she needed to make amends with Karen for something. And it wasn't like she ever gave him much notice; it was usually just at the end of shift, and like the stupid idiot he was, he just agreed even though he had plans.

And Eddie, as much as he thought Eddie was one of the only people who truly cared for him and had his back, he was wrong. He had been a little off with him at first, but that was just because he was afraid Eddie might recognise him. He'd seen Eddie once previously on deployment, but he'd been very close to him. He remembered Eddie's name from a difficult tour that ended with him being injured.

As a result, Eddie had given no indication that he recognised him, and he had come to assume that he was safe. After the grenade incident, they had built what he felt was a good friendship. He had done everything he could to help Eddie and Christopher. But, in retrospect, he couldn't help but believe that, once Eddie's life was settled in LA, he, like Maddie, had just exploited him whenever he needed him. He was a sounding board for him when he was upset about his parents or Sharron, and he got free babysitting like Hen anytime he wanted to do something. Bobby had also begun sending Eddie on training courses without even asking him whether he wanted to go. But that meant more money for Eddie, so he went along with it. He was left to watch after Christopher on his days off. Which he didn't mind, but it irritated him at times that he was just competent at babysitting.

Thinking back on his time in LA made him realise how much the people he thought were his family weren’t. Not like his family in the Seals. No one in Los Angeles would miss him if he simply left without saying anything. They'd host a celebration party. Nobody wanted or needed him any longer.

Unless, of course, he counted Chris. God, he missed his Superman. It was hurting him not to be able to see him like he used to. He felt as if his world had ended after losing him in the tsunami. And after he brought him back, he swore to Chris that he would never leave him again. That's why he hadn't just ended it all by now. He couldn't simply abandon Chris like Shannon did. He couldn't be that selfish, convincing Chris that he didn't love him when that wasn't the case. He would go to great lengths for that tiny guy.

He also despised himself for separating them. Eddie had effectively barred him from seeing Chris following the case, telling him that he had no place in Chris' life. Eddie had every right to do so as his father, which was why he kept his distance. He had to respect Eddie's desires, even if it was killing him to do so.

Fortunately for him and Chris, they had been able to communicate momentarily through Carla, but he had tried to keep it brief and infrequent. He'd merely explained to Chris that he'd been busy and had some personal matters to attend to, which was why they hadn't been together. He also hadn't informed Chris what had happened with Eddie and had promised Carla to keep it a secret when she found out since, as much as he despised Eddie for separating them, Eddie was the only parent Chris had left. And the thought that he had caused Chris to lose both of them was unimaginable.

He couldn't and wouldn't do that to Chris. However, he needed to let Chris go and continue on with his life without him. So he devised a strategy to avoid disappearing on him. Instead, he would maintain touch with Chris for as long as possible to ensure that he did not feel abandoned, before gradually withdrawing from him. Making fewer calls and writing fewer letters, and encouraging Chris to do the same. And he knew it would get easier as he grew older. Chris would soon be a teenager, and he would want to spend more time with his friends and less time with him until he was certain Chris was capable of dealing with the world without him.

He stroked his hand softly against his other forearm as if comforting himself. He realised he couldn't stay in his own world indefinitely. As much as the item draped over him felt comforting, he was curious as to why he was suddenly feeling this way. Why did he suddenly feel safe again even though nothing had changed? At the same time, he craved the sensation so strongly that he refused to open his eyes. Hoping to cling to those sentiments that, despite his mind's best efforts to erase them, remained.

He listened intently for any sound that would tell him what the heck was going on, but after 10 minutes of silence, he finally opened his eyes. He had to blink a few times to get his eyes to operate correctly at first, but once they did, he was even more perplexed. A side table and a pale blue lamp that wasn't his were in front of him. A bottle of water was also sitting on a wooden coaster. He wasn't in his apartment, and a worried feeling went through his body. He wasn't even in his own bed. His brain appears to have abruptly stopped working. Why couldn't he figure out what happened? What happened to him?

But then a sound brought his attention to the window to his left; he raised himself up so he could see out, and his eyes widened as he gazed out over the crystal pure blue sea that was only metres away. All of his memories from the previous twenty hours returned to him at that point. He wasn't in Los Angeles. He was in Hawaii now, and the fresh sounds coming from downstairs indicated that his older brother was down there.

He was with Steve. He was safe. Nobody could ever hurt him here. He told himself over and over. Nothing would harm him as Steve was there and Steve was the hardest person he knew. He cautiously extended his shaking arm to grab the water bottle and, while still shaking, took a few gulps of cool water into his dry mouth. He simply continued to sip until his mouth felt wet again, only to discover that he had drunk the entire bottle.

He remembered lying down on the bed, trying to figure out what he was going to do next, when he closed his eyes for a split second and must have fallen asleep. He couldn't tell you what time it was, but it was still light outside. He found himself giggling at how well he had slept. He took another glance around the room, shaking his head at what his brother had done for him after years of ignoring him. Looking around the room, he noticed an outdated digital clock on the bedside table on the other side of the bed and was surprised to see that it read 9 a.m. He couldn't believe he'd slept for so long; he hadn't slept for so long since the explosion. In some aspects, he felt completely different, but he realised he still needed to work on himself a little more.

He also saw the gorgeous blanket wrapped around him, which appeared to be handmade. He got a feeling that had been in Steve's family for a while and that his brother had laid it to him overnight to keep him safe. He knew his brother loved him as any brother would, but he had been afraid to call Steve in the first place. Leaving the Navy had been simple, but walking away from Steve had pained him, and he knew it had upset Steve as well. He simply couldn't have stayed around Steve after what had happened; seeing Steve back then hurt more than it helped.

With a sigh, he dragged himself out of bed and looked down at his crumpled clothes; he didn't typically care about how he looked lately, but he didn't want to upset Steve and was concerned that he would object to him looking like this. But he also knew deep inside that Steve wouldn't care. On the other hand, his imagination couldn't help but recall Bobby scowling at him for appearing like this.

He walked slowly to the bathroom, went to the toilet, brushed his clothing to make it look a little better and brushed his teeth with the toothbrush he had taken from his bag. He looked in the mirror and was taken aback by how he appeared. He looked like hell if he was honest with himself. He couldn't believe no one had noticed how sick he looked; it was evident now how little the 118 cared about him.

He knew at that instant that he would never return to that house. Maybe to LAFD entirely, but he didn't want to decide out of anger. That's what he'd done with the lawsuit, and he'd done it in anger. So he had to do better this time.

He splashed water on his face, and went downstairs; he truly wanted to hide in his brother's spare room for the rest of his life if possible, but he knew he had to face Steve. Mostly because his brother wouldn't let him and would force him downstairs to face the world with his help.

Buck went downstairs and followed the sound to Steve. His older brother was in his kitchen with his back to him. There were other items strewn about the kitchen that indicated his brother had been awake for a few hours, but hopefully not all night. What did capture his attention, however, were the two bags on the table. They weren't particularly large, but he recognised them right away. They were the bags they had brought with them when they went on walks together in their spare time. He had no idea Steve had kept them, and he was moved by the fact that he had. They could hopefully utilise them again while he was here.

But then he noticed a pan on the stove that was about to overflow. He waited to see if his brother would notice until the water began to pool over the lip and Steve began to cuss exactly as he remembered.

"Need a hand?" Buck then inquired, innocently. He was aware that he was also announcing his presence, but he couldn't stop himself. Steve couldn't cook, and he thought it amusing that he didn't appear to have improved after all this time.

"Shut it you, grab me a towel." Buck laughed even harder when Steve growled. He found the whole thing so amusing that Steve was cursing at himself as he removed the pan from the flame and tried not to spill any more water onto the flames. Buck found that simply being with his brother calmed him so much that he didn't even flinch at the growl because he knew it wasn't directed at him. Steve would never do anything to harm him.

"Here," Buck replied, handing him a towel that had been left on the side of the unit nearest to him.

"What are you trying to make?" He then inquired, slightly concerned that Steve had tried to cook him more food when it wasn’t needed.

"Boiled eggs," Steve murmured as he looked deeper into the pan like he was trying to work out if they were still in one piece.

"How long have they been in?" Buck inquired; he had a hunch Steve had mentally clocked the time before sending them off, so he didn't have to worry about that but boiled eggs clearly weren’t something Steve cooked very often.

"Seven minutes ago," Steve said as he placed the pan on top of a chopping board to protect the top of his unit from being burnt.

"They should be okay, as long as you didn't want a runny yolk," Buck observed Steve removing the eggs from the water and placing them in a bowl that he had already set up next to the chopping board.

"Good, they are for our hike," Steve added as he tossed the towel over his shoulder, grinning like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland.

"Our what now?" Buck was both afraid and surprised by Steve's remark. He knew he wasn't in as good of shape as he was in the Seals, and he couldn't even hit the LAFD markers after losing weight, but he could still do his job. He knew, however, that Steve had most certainly clocked all of those points, which was why he was surprised that Steve had elected to take a walk.

"Hike. That is, after your doctor's appointment and as long as they sign off on it." Steve said as he stepped around to the oven to retrieve another tray with what seemed to be seasoned chicken breasts.

Steve spoke as if he hadn't just sprung a bombshell on him. He didn't mind the hike. If he was completely honest, he had always intended to go on a few hikes in Hawaii because he knew the landscape and hiking trails were some of the most beautiful in the world. But the mention of doctors made every fibre of his being scream. What was Steve on about?

"What…?" Buck began to say something but couldn't finish since the very prospect of seeing another doctor who had most likely dealt with Steve meant he couldn't keep anything from them. He was also concerned about what the doctor would say about him when he was in the hospital. Will he end up in the hospital again? Would they put him on mental hold because he was depressed? Would they say he was done with physical jobs for good and would be forced to work behind a desk again?

He knew his fears were ridiculous because he was only a little underweight and depressed, but he couldn't stop himself. One of his greatest worries was being stuck in the hospital again. Being confined to a hospital bed had to be a new type of pain that terrified him more than anything else. But he could see by the look on Steve's face that his brother was more concerned about him than he had ever been. He had, after all, called pleading for assistance, if not screamed it.

If Steve was so concerned about him that he called ahead of time to schedule an appointment for him, he would go, if only for the sake of his brother. But being locked within those white walls frightened him.

He could feel all of his concerns drowning him in his own body. He didn't know why, but he felt like he couldn't breathe properly, and his vision began to dim. He hadn't closed his eyes, as far as he could recall. He couldn't stop his emotions from ripping against his flesh as they tried to escape.

"Hey…hey…Bomber, you're fine, you're safe. It's only to make sure you're all right." Steve's voice seemed to break through his consciousness, and as his vision began to return, he discovered that his body was in Steve's arms, as his brother murmured the same phrases over and over. He found himself leaning into his brother more than he expected. His brother's arms was the only reason he was still standing.

His heart was racing, and his entire body was like he had the worst case of pins and needles. He, too, was gasping for oxygen. He was aware of what was going on because he had been experiencing these episodes for some months. He was suffering a panic attack. Normally, he would deal with them on his own. They happened in his loft when he was alone, and he occasionally found that he had lost hours when he finally came around. He had also found himself on the floor somewhere in his loft, he had once found himself down the side of his coach with a small lump on the back of his head like he had hit his head from whatever had happened. He hadn't bothered in telling anyone because why would they care and more than likely use it against him?

"Steve…" He managed to mutter as he began to clutch Steve like his life depended on it. And it certainly felt like way right now. He knew logically that he could breathe and that nothing was wrong with his lungs, but he couldn't help but feel like he couldn't. He knew it was all in his head, but he had dealt with many panic attack calls while working for the LAFD and knew how dangerous they can be.

"I've got you, kiddo," Steve said quietly, tightening his hold even further.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly as tears streamed down his cheeks. He didn't want to show his brother how shattered he was, but he couldn't help himself.

"There is nothing to apologise for, Bomber. The appointment is simply to ensure your overall wellness. I just need to know how to help you," Steve murmured, and after a few minutes of standing there, Steve slowly moved back but held on to him in case his legs gave way.

"I know," he said quietly, wiping away tears in an attempt to conceal them.

"No, I should have discussed the doctors with you before scheduling the appointment, but kiddo, I am worried about you. I need you to be healthy." Steve muttered it again, running his hands over his arms.

"I know," Buck murmured once more, this time feeling much better than before but still shaking. He knew his brother had good intentions. But the worry remained, and he didn't know if it would ever go away.

"Let's just take it slow here, okay? The doctor's appointment isn't until one. We have time; if you want to talk or simply relax, that's OK, but I need you to come to that appointment. It's not about anything specific, just a MOT and making sure everything works properly. Then we'll get to everything else later." Steve said this as he grabbed his face and forced him to look at him for the first time since his breakdown.

Buck took a close look at Steve and saw only worry and love. Two strange emotions that he hadn't seen in anyone who looked at him in a long time. But he knew his brother sincerely cared about him, that he was the one person he knew who truly cared about him. He didn't want anything in exchange or from what he could figure out.

"Ok." He muttered before feeling himself encased in Steve's arms once more. He hugged back this time. He couldn't believe his brother had done all of this for him. Making the appointment, coordinating outings, and housing him without asking for anything in return. So he'd go to any length for Steve. If his brother wanted him to go to hospital appointments to better his health, he would do everything. He knew that talking to a therapist would come up, either during or after the meeting, and as much as he despised the thought, he knew that he would need to.

He hadn't spoken anything to anyone since the 118 mocked him following what happened with Doctor Wells. It hurt that they didn't seem to care that it was essentially rape, but he was simply an irresponsible kid who slept around. And if he was honest with himself, he had, because after losing his future life, he didn't care much and realised he didn't want to be in a relationship. He considered reporting Wells to the police, but he didn't need to. He'd heard three weeks later that she'd been arrested and charged with some very serious charges. She ended up in prison and had her licence revoked for life. He still had no idea how it happened, but he hadn't given it any thought. Fortunately, he did not have to testify, and no one brought it up again.

He trusted Steve, however, not to put him in that predicament again; he knew Bobby hadn't meant to put him in that scenario, but he hadn't helped afterwards. After everything that had transpired, he had considered visiting another therapist, but he couldn't bring himself to jeopardise his health again in LA. Perhaps Hawaii would be different.

He found himself sat on the couch with Steve, joking about old times, eating food and drinking cool drinks, just enjoying their time together as they waited for his appointment time. He knew he'd have to face some difficult truths shortly. He was well aware that what he was doing to himself was considered self-neglect. But that would come to an end. He'd make certain of it. He needed to demonstrate to his brother that he wanted to improve. He realised he should want it more for himself, not just for his brother. But it was the only motivation he had just now. At least for the time being.

Chapter Text

Buck should have known that something would come up that would escalate his anxiety from the moment he agreed to attend this hospital appointment. They had left in enough time to get from Steve's house to the hospital, even if they encountered traffic, and when they arrived, they had found a parking spot close enough to the hospital that they didn't have to walk far to reach the hospital doors.

Steve had jokingly asked him if he should turn on the lights in his truck and park in front of the hospital so he could simply leave it at the doors. He had laughed at the question, but he knew his brother was serious, and all he had to do was say yes. Even though it would be amusing, he didn't mind walking to the front door. Steve had muttered under his breath that he was spoiling all his fun like his partner, which made him laugh even harder.

It didn't take long to find the doctor's waiting room, which was close to A&E. They arrived at the hospital twenty minutes before the appointment, but as soon as they entered the waiting room, they informed the receptionist that they were there to see Doctor Gallagher, a doctor who had previously treated Steve. However, he felt his entire world come to a halt when the receptionist apologised and informed them that Doctor Gallagher was running late due to a major accident and that she was required in A&E but would not be long. They were the first appointment of the afternoon, so the doctor would see them as soon as he was available.

Buck and Steve had heard about the accident on the radio, and he knew from previous experience that if they were pulling doctors from their appointments, it meant the accident was serious, and they needed all hands-on deck. He'd seen it happen a few times in Los Angeles, and it usually indicated that someone was in serious condition. He only hoped that everyone involved was okay and would get better. He'd been in a similar situation before and was still alive, so it was possible.

However, sitting in an empty waiting room in a hospital was causing his anxiety to play all of the same tricks it had done in Los Angeles. If he told the doctor what was really going on inside his head, would they consider him a danger? With his training and previous PTSD diagnoses, he was aware that if his mental health was as bad as he suspected, he could be considered a threat to society. But the idea of being locked away terrified him. He'd rather kill himself than be locked up again.

As they sat in the waiting room, he couldn't stop himself from twitching his leg up and down while watching the clock on the wall. He knew it was not the doctor's fault that the accident occurred, but he couldn't help himself. He was terrified, and the fear would not go away. He knew Steve would not lock him up. Hell, his brother would fight for him regardless of the circumstances. But what if they forced it upon him? And if they had forced it on him, Steve would have been powerless to resist.

He had always downplayed his mental health to everyone, even when he was in the Navy, because he was afraid of losing everything if he revealed it. The only person who could read him well enough to tell when he was lying was sitting right beside him. While they were at the Navy, Steve made it a point to attend his appointments to ensure that he was telling the truth and that he received the assistance he required.

"Bomber, if you don't stop twitching your leg, I am going to cut it off," Steve muttered in his ear, trying not to draw attention to them. He jumped slightly as Steve's voice surprised him.

"Sorry," Buck muttered, placing his hand on his leg and forcing it down. He was afraid he was upsetting Steve because he was stuck in the hospital with him when he could be out doing things he enjoyed. He never wanted to irritate or disappoint his brother.

A nurse had come out shortly after they arrived to complete a few sets of observations, including his heart rate and blood pressure, which he knew were both high based on the soft smile the old nurse had given him. Not that he would have ever spoken to her, but the nurse reminded him of Abuela. She was a sweet elderly Hawaiian lady who appeared to care for everyone. He apologised to her for the fifth time, and she checked his blood pressure to see if it had dropped at all, but it had not. Finally, she squeezed his hand and told him not to worry before leaving them alone again.

She also asked him to measure his weight and height for his new charts here. He knew the doctor would bring up his weight loss; they all did, but this time he couldn't lie to them or make up excuses like he had before. Not with Steve here, and not if he wanted to improve.

"And for the twentieth time, will you stop apologising," Steve said, shaking his head. "You didn't cause that accident on the road; waiting a little longer for your appointment won't ruin our day," Steve said, shaking his head again and leaning back into his own chair, carefully looking at him.

"But you had plans…" Buck spoke, but it was clear from his tone that he was blaming himself. Steve would recognise it in his voice, but he couldn't stop it from coming out.

"That was all depending on what the doctor said." Steve groaned and shook his head before saying, "Bomber, stop blaming yourself. You are not ruining our day or wasting my time. You are my brother, and you know I would do anything for you." Steve then leaned forward, grabbed his forearm, and refused to let go.

"I know, and thank you for that," Buck said, trying to keep his emotions under control. He didn't want to cry anymore; he'd had enough of crying over what had happened in Los Angeles.

"What for? That is what brothers do for each other." Steve shook his head once more. He knew Steve was angry for him, not at him. He didn't know why he felt this way; before LA, he had never questioned what happened within the brotherhood. They would protect, care for, and correct each other as needed. Back then, he never questioned his brothers. But since the 118, he couldn't stop questioning everything. He hated himself for it.

They were both so caught up in their conversation and bubble that they didn't notice anyone enter the room until a voice pieced their bubble, at that, they looked up to see who had spoken. "Commander, what did you do this time?"

They couldn't help but jump at the voice because they were both normally better at monitoring their surroundings. Standing a few feet away from them was a thin woman dressed in scrubs and a white coat, holding a folder. Buck quickly realised, however, that the woman was not paying much attention to him, but she had clearly noticed him. She focused her entire attention on Steve. But she didn't seem pleased to see him.

Buck smirked as he turned to his brother, "Popular here, are you?" Buck muttered and watched his brother's reaction.

"Shut it, Bomber," Steve snapped, but couldn't help but smile when he saw him smile.

Buck had the right idea to start making fun of his brother for the doctor's comment, but he also knew he was very much the same. He, too, had doctors who questioned him about why he was back. And he knew they only meant well, and many people enjoyed seeing him because he had a good reputation among the staff, but he couldn't help but recall all of the comments and jokes made about him by the others. Instead, he waited for somebody else to speak.

"Well you are Commander, and this is?" The doctor said with a small smirk before turning her attention to him, which heightened Buck's anxiety even more. He was aware that this was inevitable, but he was powerless to prevent it.

"My little brother and your new patient Doc," Steve said, smiling as he gripped his shoulder and made sure his fingers met his neck. He couldn't help but feel ashamed that Steve had noticed his anxiety and gone out of his way to help him. Skin-to-skin contact was one of the tools he had previously used to help reduce his anxiety, and he had informed Steve about it when the doctor first mentioned it.

Steve had made certain that he could reach him whenever he suspected that something would set him off, which only made him feel more ashamed of himself. Back then, Steve should have focused on getting out alive rather than worrying about breaking down. But thankfully, his anxiety had not been as severe back then as it was now. He was thankful that Steve was with him right now because even in his heightened state, the moment Steve's fingers touched his neck, he felt a little calmer.

"Does your little brother have a name Commander?" The doctor asked, looking back at Steve, and Buck had the impression that they were both having a quiet conversation about him. But Buck knew he needed to speak for himself on this matter because Steve couldn't speak for him like he did when they were both in the Navy. Steve had some say in things back then because he was his commanding officer, but now he is on his own. The doctor's look at Steve after she finished reminded Buck of the look Joe would give him when he wanted Steve or any of the others to shut up.

"Evan Buckley, Ma'am," Buck answered for him. He needed to speak up for himself; he couldn't keep hiding behind Steve.

"Well Mr Buckley sorry for your wait, I'm Doctor Gallagher, come on through and we will get started." Doctor Gallagher said, smiling, before turning and motioning for them to follow her.

Buck desperately wanted to run, turn around and never look back, but he knew he couldn't. He needed to do it. He nodded, but his legs refused to cooperate. They felt like jelly.

"Lead the way," Steve said as he stood up, then turned to shield Buck from the doctor's view. Buck was aware of Steve's actions and wanted to express his gratitude, but he knew Steve would never accept it.

Buck looked up at Steve with great fear and shame. He had always looked up to Steve and now felt he had let him down again because he couldn't even stand up by himself. His shame was exacerbated by having to rely on Steve to get him up and almost lead him down the hall and into one of the consultation rooms. Buck felt as if he was in a trance as he followed the doctor, mostly allowing himself to be guided in the direction the doctor was leading them.

Buck's anxiety level rose to its highest point in a long time as they entered the room. He couldn't help but feel like the walls were closing in on him, even though the room was large. Steve continued to lead him until they reached the bed against one of the walls. The room had plenty of natural light, and one wall was covered in windows, which served as a good reminder that he was no longer in Los Angeles.

He could only see the beauty of Hawaii. He turned with Steve, who pushed him slightly until he found himself sitting on the edge of the bed, most likely because he appeared to be about to pass out on him. And he was glad he did because he had a feeling his legs were about to give out on him if he stood any longer.

Doctor Gallagher placed the file she was holding on her desk next to her computer before turning to face them both. Buck noticed that Steve was standing in such a way that he was safe from anyone entering the room and was in the best position in case he needed to jump in because of the doctor, but he knew she wouldn't hurt him. If Steve trusted her, he could, but he couldn't shake the feeling of being trapped.

"Guess you're staying then Commander?" Doctor Gallagher asked, leaning back against her desk, and folding her arms. Buck found himself smiling at the current starring competition between Steve and the doctor. He remembered trying to suppress his laughter when this happened between Steve and Joe. He recalls failing miserably several times and having to leave the room.

"Yep," Steve replied with a sharp 'p' at the end. Buck assumed he had prepared a lengthy speech or that Steve was going to request a private meeting with the doctor, but he knew Steve would never abandon him now. But he wondered if Steve needed to tell her everything. Not that he didn't trust Steve to tell the doctor the information she needed to know, unlike Maddie, who would have told the doctor everything, even if it wasn't relevant, as well as her own opinions. Steve smiled and nodded at him, adding, "I need to make sure this one doesn't bolt."

After a minute of silence, Buck noticed his face turning red. Steve knew all too well that he wanted to bolt the moment they arrived, but he stayed not only for Steve but also for himself. He was tired of feeling this way. He needed assistance and trusted his brother to ensure that he received only the best care. Steve refused to lock him up or abandon him until he could be useful again.

"You're an expert at that aren't you, Commander." Doctor Gallagher spoke, breaking the silence.

The comment should not have elicited a chuckle, but it did. Before Buck could say anything to Steve, his brother turned his head slightly to look at him. "Not a word Buckley." The commanding tone was present but not as strong, so Buck knew he wasn't angry at him for laughing, but he also wanted to make it clear that he was to keep his mouth shut about all the other times Steve had bolted when seeing a medic or a doctor while they were in the Navy.

"Yes sir." Buck said with a slight grin. And chuckled slightly more when Steve scoffed at him.

"Okay, since you're staying. Behave." Doctor Gallagher motioned for Steve to sit in the chair next to the bed Buck was sitting on. Steve did as he was told, and the doctor turned to pick up the file again before moving the chair from behind her desk to in front of it so she could take a seat. Buck smiled slightly as Steve picked up the chair and moved it closer to him. Hell, the back of the chair was touching the bed, so Steve only needed to raise his arm to touch him. He nodded in thanks as he did so.

"Ok Mr Buckley…" The doctor began by reading the file in her hand.

"Buck please, Mr Buckley is my father," Buck added. He despised being addressed as 'Mr Buckley.' That name only served as a reminder that he was born into a family that did not want him. He knew people who said their parents despised them. He had come close to dropping the Buckley name once, but it had all fallen apart before he could. He also remembered him and Steve talking about their families one night in some godforsaken country, and him telling his sister that he had only kept his second name so she could find him if she wanted to.

"Ok Buck…" The doctor smiled softly before speaking. "So, your observations were fine, but your blood pressure and heart rate were a little high for my liking. I'm guessing it's due to the stress of being here." She smiled softly and looked at Steve, adding, "or having to deal with the commander?"

Buck found himself laughing slightly as he shook his head. He knew right away that this doctor had had the unfortunate pleasure of dealing with Steve more than once, or she was familiar with his new team. According to what he had heard from Steve, his partner Danny seemed to enjoy complaining about him a lot, and he had a feeling that those comments did not end at the door.

"Hey, keep me out of this," Steve exclaimed almost childishly.

"Anyway…" Doctor Gallagher said this before returning his attention to him. "My nurse noticed when she checked your weight that you had lost a significant amount of weight since your last recorded weight. I see that your previous doctors also discussed it with you. You are classified as underweight for your height but not severely underweight, but I am not pleased with this drop. Is there anything going on there? Do you eat enough? Do you feel more tired than usual? Because if not, I'd like to run more tests to determine what's causing the weight loss."

Buck felt like a misbehaving student facing his teacher, with his parent sitting next to him. He didn't want to waste anyone's time because he knew what was causing his weight loss—a combination of anxiety and self-neglect. But having to admit it out loud made him feel even worse; these people were attempting to help him in the same way that all of his doctors had, and he had essentially abandoned himself.

"To be honest doctor, I've not been taking care of myself lately and felt sick every time I ate." Buck began to explain. He couldn't express how much pain he was in, both physically and mentally, but he had a feeling the doctor in front of him knew.

"I'm guessing that why you are here then with the Commander?" Doctor Gallagher asked, closing the file in her hand.

Something about her made him feel as if she knew how he felt and what was going on in his life without him having to say anything. It was nice, not that his other doctors weren't nice; they certainly were. Hell, his surgeon performed miracles on his leg when others simply told him it needed to be removed. But for some reason, this doctor was different; perhaps it was because she had to deal with Steve for so long, but whatever the case, he was grateful.

"Yer, I needed to get away." Buck said, nodding his head. He realised he didn't need to explain any further.

"It's good that you noticed that you weren't in a good place and needed a way out." Doctor Gallagher began to speak and then turned back to Steve. He had no idea what private conversation the two were having, but he didn't care at the moment. "Buck, I also serve in the Navy, and I understand how anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder can destroy even the best soldiers. Fortunately, you caught it early enough to avoid harm to yourself, but I'd like to order a full blood panel to ensure that everything is fine. And if you require any treatment, I can arrange it sooner rather than later, if that's okay?"

Buck listened carefully to everything Doctor Gallagher said, but he couldn't look at her or Steve. Instead, he just looked at the floor; learning that she was also in the Navy explained why she was able to deal with Steve when so many other doctors could not. But he also noticed the mention of anxiety and PTSD and realised that this doctor, unlike the others, had bothered to read his entire file, not just the last few years. He nodded and agreed to the blood tests because he was curious about what he had done to his body.

"I'd also like to know if you're willing to start you on some anxiety and anti-sickness medication because you've mentioned that you're having trouble eating due to nausea. But hopefully, once we get your anxiety under control, the nausea will stop." Doctor Gallagher explained, pulling a pad of paper from her desk. He had a feeling she was writing down which medications she wanted him to start.

"Would you like me to refer you over to our nutritionist here to help you set a plan in place to get you eating better?" Doctor Gallagher asked politely.

Buck had been offered this before but declined because he didn't want to admit he had a problem. However, he had to face his problems head-on. He looked up from the floor, realising that admitting he needed help was the first step. But before he could respond, Steve jumped in. For a moment, I forgot he was there because he was so quiet.

"I've got it doc; I've got a friend who is one who I already called to set a plan in place," Steve said something, but Doctor Gallagher thankfully did not notice the shocked expression on his face.

Buck's mind raced with questions as he tried to recall whether he had seen Steve call anyone. He had only seen his brother on the phone twice. And Steve had told him who he had been talking to after each conversation. One was to message Sam and update him on how he was doing, while the other was to ask his partner how he was. He found it strange that Steve's partner would be concerned about him, but Steve had explained what had happened when he arrived the night before.

"Good," Doctor Gallagher said softly before turning to put the pad down. "Let's get a quick physical, and I'd like to check your leg if that's okay. And then I'll have my blood drawn, and that's it for today." She said, looking back at him.

Buck knew he'd need a physical, but he'd been wary of professionals since Doctor Wells. But he was confident that with Steve present, he was safe. The physical went quickly. He had a clear chest and strong lungs. The scar tissue around his leg had grown, which was a little concerning because it could affect his movement in his leg, but he had the option of having some of the scar tissue reported if necessary. His heart was strong, if not a little fast, which was understandable given the circumstances. Doctor Gallagher was quick to draw the blood and said she'd be back with his prescription.

They were left alone in the room while Buck quickly changed back into his clothes. He had felt extremely uncomfortable exposed in the presence of someone with power over him but having Steve present had helped a lot. He had no idea if Steve was aware of what had happened to him, and he despised the fact that as a former Navy Seal, he had allowed it to happen to him, but at the time, he believed he deserved it for everything he had done.

After he had dressed, the two sat in silence; he had no idea what to say to Steve. He knew his brother had noticed his discomfort when the doctor examined him, especially when she touched his leg, but he had hoped that they both perceived it as pain around the scar tissue rather than discomfort from someone touching him.

However, another thought entered his mind: he was afraid of going back on medication. He knew many brothers who were drugged and ended up killing themselves or others as a result. However, he knew Steve would not let that happen. It wasn't like he was going to start taking painkillers again, but he had refused to take them after leaving the hospital because of the risk. He had previously taken anxiety medications and knew they worked, but he had thought he had overcome them, and now he was back where he had begun. Perhaps even worse.

"You ok kiddo?" Steve asked, breaking the silence.

Buck looked up to see his brother standing right in front of him, almost blocking anyone from looking through the door at them. He hadn't even heard Steve get up; he'd been so lost in his own thoughts that the world around him felt numb. He knew Steve only wanted the best for him, and he hated having to constantly remind himself that he didn't need to doubt Steve's loyalty to him.

Buck nodded but said nothing because he couldn't. There were too many thoughts running through his mind for him to think clearly. He had a lot of healing to do and knew Steve wouldn't let him do it alone again, but he also felt as if he was taking advantage of his brother's willingness to help. Was he too broken to fix? Was he just damaged goods, as the 118 had told him? Would he just drag Steve down, as he had done in Los Angeles?

"Look, Bomber I'm sorry…" Steve began and sighed again before proceeding. "…I should have told you about contacting the nutritionist; he serviced as well and now runs a gym near the palace. He is also Chin and Kono's cousin; I knew him from service and had met him a few times. But I thought you'd be more at ease with someone in the Navy than in a hospital." Steve couldn't stop the words from coming out of his mouth, and Buck knew his brother was feeling guilty about going behind his back and setting this up, but he was also grateful that Steve had just gotten things done for him.

He was an adult who could take care of himself, but he still liked the idea of someone caring enough about him to do things for him. His parents never did when he was growing up, so perhaps he made up for it now by allowing Steve to do things for him.

"I thought you told me to stop apologising," Buck replied with a soft, sad smile. He couldn't hide how difficult and draining this experience had been for him. He had been looking forward to Steve's planned walk, but right now he just wanted to sleep. "I know you are only trying to help." He added as he began to play with his fingers.

"Always kiddo, you know that." Steve said softly, pulling him into a hug. Buck felt himself melting into his brother's chest. He missed the warmth. It was as if something inside of him had frozen, and Steve was slowly thawing it out with his kindness.

"I really messed up this time, didn't I?" Buck inquired timidly, almost afraid to ask.

"No, kiddo. You did not. Yes, you made mistakes, but we'll fix them now. Nothing you've done can't be changed." Steve attempted to console him as much as possible.

Buck sighed and hung his head down, scolding himself for not being clearer about what he was saying. Steve was trying to help him, but he wasn't a mind reader. He needed to be more specific when he said things like that.

"That's not what I meant." Buck shook his head slightly before quickly adding, "No before that. For leaving like I did."

He'd always regretted leaving Steve the way he had. He felt completely broken after his relationship ended and he completed his final mission. It was why Steve had made him make that promise before letting him go, and there were a few times during his travels when he came close to breaking it, which is why he would move on when those thoughts became too much. Painting as he went. Painting had been his saviour at the time, but he hadn't painted as much as he wanted to in LA because he thought he didn't need it anymore. He wanted to paint and had tried a few times, but never on the scale he had in the past. Perhaps he should start over and ask Steve where he can get the paint and canvases.

But first, he needed Steve to accept his apologies for abandoning him. He had pretty much cut him out of his existence. As if he didn't matter. He hated himself for it.

"No Bomber," Steve replied, shaking his head. "You left because you needed too." Steve continued, gripping his hand tighter than before. "And I understand the need to get away. You simply did what was best for you." He said, hoping that his words would finally penetrate his stubborn brother's mind.

"Nobody can blame you for that. We all knew you needed to get away from us after what happened." Steve then added. But he didn't stop there. "You protected yourself, which was the first and most important rule I taught you, remember? You protect yourself first, followed by your brothers, because if you don't, your brothers will survive if you die.” He spoke as he helped Buck to his feet.

Buck let Steve move him until he was standing strong again; it reminded him of being on parade, albeit without the straight jacket of a uniform. "I remember…" Buck said softly, trying not to look into Steve's eyes because he knew if he did, his brother would see that, while he may have remembered those lessons, he did not believe them. His life was meaningless; he had no one. Everyone who loved him would move on, as they had after losing another fallen brother. That was life. If he died, his brothers would grieve, miss him, and eventually move on. As long as he could save as many people as possible, he would die content.

"Stop blaming yourself, then. You did what you were supposed to do, so let's forget about it for now." Steve said, pulling him back into another hug.

"Copy that," Buck whispered, snuggling into his brother's neck slightly.

The two stood there for a few moments before hearing the room's door open. Buck did not bother looking up because he could not show his face. He was too embarrassed to look up and see who had entered the room. He must have appeared childish and immature to whoever had entered.

"Sorry to interrupt." Buck recognised Doctor Gallagher's soft voice as he entered the room again. God, he just wanted to disappear right now, but he couldn't. Steve refused to let him go, instead holding him tighter as if he were acting as a shield. "There is a delay at the lab so I'm going to send you home and I'll call you with the results if that's ok?" Buck couldn't see her, but he knew she meant what she said.

"Sure that's fine doc." Buck could not see Steve's face, but he knew they were having a private conversation.

"Ok. I've got his medication prescription, and I'd like him to start taking them tonight if possible. But only after I give you the blood results; he can take the anti-sickness pills when he eats but wait an hour or so before he does anything to allow them to work." Doctor Gallagher explained, and he felt one of Steve's hands leave him, indicating that he was collecting his prescription.

"I'll call you the second I get the results and will let you know if I need him to come back in for anything but if I just need to add something to his prescription, I can get it sent down to the pharmacy for someone to just collect or we can get it delivered." She went on to say more, and Steve nodded once more.

"Thanks, Doc," Steve said quietly, knowing Buck was listening, but he felt his arms begin to drop slightly.

Buck was paying attention to everything going on around him, but he was also becoming increasingly tired. He was tired like he hadn't been in a long time, and it had only just hit him. He had felt tired before, but it was as if all of his emotions had drained his body of all its energy and strength.

"No problem, Commander, take care of him," Doctor Gallagher said as she exited the room and softly closed the door.

"Yes Ma'am." Steve spoke before the door closed, and they were once again alone.

Buck knew they'd have to leave soon, and that the doctor would most likely need her room back for the next patient, who needed her help more than he did. However, he did not want to let go of Steve. Steve was his lifeline right now, and he didn't want to lose it because he was afraid he'd never see him again.

"Come on, kiddo, let's get you home," Steve said softly, pulling Buck along.

Buck managed to gather himself long enough for them to leave the doctor's office, making a quick stop at the pharmacy to pick up his new medications before returning to Steve's truck. As Steve assisted him in climbing into the passenger seat and fastening his belt, he lifted his chin to look at him. "Proud of you kiddo." He smiled as he closed the room and approached the driver's side.

Buck simply closed his eyes, fighting back tears as he felt Steve climb into the truck and begin to pull away from the parking lot. He'd taken the first step, and he knew things were only going to get harder. He needed to fight, but he wasn't sure if he had the strength to do so for long.

Chapter Text

Eddie was knacked. He had not gotten much sleep last night. He'd been having trouble sleeping or returning to sleep recently, but last night was especially bad. Christopher had a terrible nightmare last night, and it took him several hours to calm down enough to sleep again. Chris had accidentally told him that many of his nightmares were about the tsunami. Hell, he'd had a few of them himself, but it killed him to see his son go through the same thing. He had jumped out of bed as soon as he heard Chris' screams, holding him tightly as he cried and shouted for half an hour before beginning to calm down. Chris continued to cry for Buck, which made matters worse. All he could do was comfort his young son as he cried and cried. It killed a part of him because he knew he couldn't relieve his pain.

It had taken him more than two hours to get Chris back to sleep, and that was after he had carried his son into his bed and promised to keep the light on for him. And it took him another hour to allow himself to try to fall back asleep, but his stupid alarm went off an hour later, telling him it was time to get up.

He had gotten Chris to see a counsellor not long after the tsunami to help him deal with what he had witnessed during the disaster. He had no idea what his young son had witnessed, but he had heard stories from other survivors and rescue teams who were caught in the middle of it. And it was bad. The thought that his son had seen bodies of victims floating terrified him, so he promised himself that he would do everything he could to help his son heal. But he knew Chris wanted to see Buck, and he couldn't do it.

The counsellor had even suggested that seeing Buck might help Chris deal with some of what he had been telling him, but he couldn't pick up the phone to call the man who had betrayed him so much, even if it meant finding another way to help his son. He knew that because of that nightmare, he would need to schedule another emergency session, which he did the moment the office opened.

But last night was the closest he'd gotten to putting aside his personal issues with Buckley and calling the man to help his son. Fortunately, Chris had settled before reaching for his phone. He was still angry at Buckley for betraying his trust, and the thought made him sick. He had sworn to keep that man away from his son, and he was no longer in their lives, so they had to move on.

Buckley had betrayed him so badly that he questioned whether he could ever trust anyone again. Buckley had betrayed not only him, but everyone at 118, particularly Bobby. The man treated Buckley like a father would a son, but that didn't stop him from betraying them. He had even betrayed Chris by allowing his lawyer to mention his mother in his lawsuit.

The man he had once blindly trusted his son with had brought up every painful memory and emotion in that room to make the Brass feel sorry for him. Hell, he had to sit there and listen to the lawyer bring up his deceased wife and the problems he had encountered since leaving the Army. And knowing that his ex-best friend was the source of all that information made him want to jump over the table and punch him in the face until he felt his pain. And his rage didn't subside after he learned the lawsuit had been dropped and Buckley was returning. Hell, he wanted to jump the man from the moment he stepped into the station.

He had clashed with Buckley during his first few shifts at the 118. He had no idea what the man's problem was, and everyone else simply told him that he was stupid and not to take his remarks personally. That he was genuinely envious that someone better had started with them. But he hadn't taken those comments seriously because he had learned from another firefighter during his training that Buckley was better trained than most. However, he had never brought it up because Buckley had not, so why should he. But, over time, he had begun to get to know the man, and their friendship grew stronger when they dealt with the grenade in his leg. And after surviving the ambulance explosion, they were inseparable.

They had grown closer than brothers, and he knew deep down he had begun to fall in love with his best friend. He'd never needed anyone before, but with Buck, he felt as if he needed him around. That was why he wanted him near Chris. It only took a few months for Chris to fall in love with Buck. The strong bond that developed between the two of them made him love Buck even more back then, and he didn't care what some of his family members said about who Buck was to them. He even defended himself to his parents when they questioned why he had invited Buck to a family gathering.

Buck had also assisted him by bringing Carla into their lives, who was a godsend to them. He had no idea how he would have survived without Carla, and he knew he owed Buck for it. Carla had become like another mother to him and Chris. She had reprimanded him when he had done something wrong and given him advice when he needed or asked for it.

Thinking back, he was relieved that he was falling more in love with Buck over time. He now despised himself for being so weak, but after Shannon had left him heartbroken, he had believed that he would never or could not love again. He had never told Buckley about this because he couldn't bear the thought of what would happen if Buckley didn't reciprocate his feelings. But now his emotions felt stupid. His hidden feelings could explain why this betrayal hurt even more than Shannon's departure.

He had no idea why he hadn't stuck to the plan he devised before starting at the 118. His plan was simple. Keep his colleagues out of his daily life and away from Chris as much as possible. It wasn't that he didn't trust them; it was simply what he had done while in the army. He'd kept Shannon and Christopher away from the bases. Shannon didn't need much encouragement; she despised the fact that he had enlisted. But, in retrospect, if he had encouraged Shannon to meet the other soldiers' girlfriends and wives, they might have been able to save their marriage. He knew why he had kept them away: they didn't have to deal with the loss of his fellow soldiers, and Chris didn't have to understand what loss and death meant too soon.

However, he quickly abandoned that plan once his friendship with Buckley began. He had let the 118 become his family, and before that, he had adored it. He believed that in Los Angeles, he had found the best place to live and raise his son. And his friendship with the 118 made it feel even more like home. Buckley and he had quickly become inseparable; they were a package deal for everyone. Some in the department had dubbed them the best heavy rescue firefighter pair in the entire department. Bobby had even complained to him about all of the requests he had received regarding them from other captains. And he was proud of it for himself. He had only recently started with the LAFD and was already making a name for himself.

And making Chris proud. That was what made everything worthwhile: seeing his son proud of him. He had always feared that he would fail Chris, or that he would do as his parents had warned him and end up failing Chris in the worst way possible. He promised himself and Chris the first night they were in Los Angeles that he would not fail his son. Not again.

Deep down, he blamed himself for Shannon leaving them; he hadn't been a good husband to her and hadn't talked to her about much. Certainly when he chose to re-enlist without telling or asking her first. He was aware that he had wronged her. They were married, and he should have talked to her first, but all he could think about was getting money for Chris. He knew that was the end of his marriage, but he had hoped to save it when he returned, but he was mistaken. Eventually, he lost his wife. But he was not about to lose his son.

And the family at the 118 had assisted with that. Buckley, most of all. He had become Chris's second father. I helped him with his homework, played with him like a normal kid, and listened to him without judgement. Normally, when people first met his son, they only saw his cerebral palsy. Like his condition defined him, but not Buck. No Buckley saw him for who he was: a kid who wanted to grow up like everyone else. And he did everything he could to achieve his goal. Maybe that's why he was so easy to love. Hell, even his family adored him.

His Auntie and Abuela had almost completely integrated him into the family dynamic. Abuela, in particular, would frequently mention him. Prior to the bombing, she had hit him with her spoon because he had not forced Buckley to join them for dinner one day. He had attempted to explain that Buck had plans, but she scoffed and told him that he needed to bring him next time or else. After the bombing and then the lawsuit, he lacked the courage to explain what had happened between them. He didn't want Buckley's actions to hurt his Abuela, so he kept quiet. Thankfully, with everything going on, she hadn't asked much about him, which was a godsend.

How could things have gone so wrong? That was exactly what he wanted to know. Everything was a mess, and everyone was hurt in some way. He had witnessed how Buckley's betrayal had harmed not only him, but everyone at the station, particularly Bobby. Buck had always regarded that man as a father figure. Hen had frequently joked to him that Buckley was their Captain's long-lost son as they had observed the two cooks together. That man was concerned about everyone, but especially Buckley.

Buckley was the man's son, he could tell by the look on his face. No matter what DNA says. Buckley's decision to throw the clot that night sealed the deal. He could see the terror in Bobby's expression and voice as Buckley collapsed on them, coughing up blood. He'd been terrified of losing his best friend. More than ever before.

But apparently that wasn't enough for Buckley, who sued them shortly afterward. Their feelings were clearly no longer important to him. He was only concerned with demonstrating that he was superior to the rest of the group. He refused to listen to his doctors, and everyone suffered as a result. His stupidity had nearly cost them their entire livelihood, and he wasn't sure he could ever forgive him for it.

Eddie arrived at the station's parking lot slightly later than he had hoped, but not late. He had been on the phone with Chris' councillor for nearly half an hour because he was unable to attend the appointment. Carla had been happy to take Chris, but she had mentioned that Chris might need more frequent appointments as his nightmares worsened. Eddie didn't want to do it because Chris had been making good progress, but he was willing to do anything to help his son, even if it meant scheduling more appointments.

He quickly changed into his uniform and headed up to the loft to get some much-needed coffee. Chimney and Bobby were nowhere to be found, but Hen was sitting at the table, holding her own cup of coffee. He nodded good morning before sprinting to the coffee pot and pouring himself a cup. It wasn't particularly good coffee anymore, just a standard blend. He had overhead B shift complain about it once, only to discover that Buckley had brought in the other blend after not liking the regular one. If he was honest with himself, he knew he was correct; the standard blend reminded him of coffee he had while serving in the army, which was frequently the cheapest blend, but he dealt with it because there was no other option. B Shift had complained so much that one of them, George, had said he was going to contact Buckley to find out which one he had brought so he could get some in; whether or not that happened, he didn't know, but he did notice that B Shift had placed a tin labelled B Shift only in the cupboard. He had hoped that with Buckley back at the station, the coffee would return to normal, but it had not. And Bobby couldn't call him out on it because bringing their own coffee was not against the rules, and they didn't have to provide it either.

Hen smiled softly at him as he joined her at the table, but neither spoke. She just returned to her phone, and he did the same. He was busy messaging Carla, asking how Chris was doing and what had happened since he left. He was confident in Carla's abilities and had no doubts about her, but he was concerned. Last night's nightmare was a bad one, and with him not setting as quickly as usual, he was concerned that something else was going on. His child's well-being was everything to him, and he would do whatever it took to improve things.

"Where the hell is Buckley?" Bobby's voice broke the bubble he had been in, prompting him to look up and see Bobby in the kitchen, preparing a cup of coffee himself. Eddie wasn't sure if Bobby was talking to him or looking around the room when he noticed the rest of A shift sitting on the couch.

"Late," Chimney called from behind him.

Eddie turned to see him reach the top of the stairs before proceeding to get his own coffee. But it was clear that Chimney was in one of his moods, most likely brought on by another fight with Maddie. Unlike Bobby, Chimney couldn't hide his displeasure with how bad the coffee tasted. Eddie said nothing except to keep a close eye on his Captain and Chimney. Bobby looked exhausted, as if the entire world was on his shoulders, and Chimney looked like he was about to explode.

"Well, if he shows up, send him to my office," Bobby said, shaking his head before leaving to go to his office. Bobby had recently been locking himself in there more than usual. He seemed to avoid spending time with them ever since the lawsuit. Attempting to protect himself from any further harm that Buckley could have caused him, or perhaps ensuring that all of the check lists were ready for when Buckley finally showed up.

"Got it, Bobby," Chimney replied, but before he could join them at the table, his phone went off. Eddie had a feeling it was Maddie calling him, which was confirmed when he turned and exited the room to take the call in a more private setting.

"You look tired," Hen said, making him look back at her to confirm that she was speaking to him.

"Bad night with Chris," Eddie sighed. Hen seemed to have everything under control with her family, so he didn't mind receiving advice from her.

"What happened?" Eddie could tell she was concerned when she asked. It was genuine; she wasn't putting on a show to get him to talk. He knew her better than that.

"He had another nightmare last night, and when I finally calmed him down, he refused to tell me what happened. Only that it scared him." Eddie sighed again, he hated it when his son refused to tell him what was bothering him. All he wanted to do was help, but he couldn't unless he knew what had happened. He knew he couldn't force Chris to speak, but wished he could. He also disliked using Hen as his soundboard; she was certainly helpful and willing, but it felt strange at times. Buckley was his old soundboard, and because he knew Chris best, he always gave him good advice, but that was enough for now.

"Has he talked to his counsellor about it?" Hen inquired, concerned.

Eddie nodded and took a small sip of his coffee, "I booked an emergency appointment with him tonight, Carla is taking him." He knew Chris had hated going and had barely spoken in his sessions at first, but something had changed one day, and his counsellor had asked him if anything had changed to cause him to start talking to him. He couldn't think of anything, but he was glad Chris had begun to improve, or was working on improving, because this was something he couldn't fix on his own.

"You think it's about the Tsunami?" Hen inquired, but he could tell she was hesitant. The tsunami was a sore topic for them all, especially for him, because for a while he thought he had lost not only his son but also his best friend, whom he secretly loved. It had broken a part of him that he had never considered possible. He feared he would never be able to hold his son again or tell his best friend the truth about how much he loved him. He blamed himself because if he lost both of them, it would be his fault. He was the one who forced Buck to take Chris out without asking him. Hell, he had just dropped him off and informed Buck that he would be spending time with him before leaving. He was the reason they were on the pier, and he was also responsible for their deaths. He would have nothing to live for if he lost both of them. He would most likely have thrown himself into the sea to join them.

And when he found Christopher, he believed he had been given a second chance. He wanted to tell Buck how he truly felt and have the family he had always desired, but he couldn't get the words out. Instead, he continued to act as he did before the tsunami, and then the lawsuit occurred, and everything fell apart. Maybe he still blamed himself for not having the life he desired with the two people he loved, but he couldn't change anything right now. He had to move on, even if it meant killing himself every time. He looked at Buckley, unable to believe that the person he loved had betrayed him like Shannon.

He nodded in response to her comment, but before he could say anything else, he heard someone approaching the stairs, prompting him to turn. Athena and Maddie came up the stairs. Athena was dressed casually, in jeans, a top, and a jacket that Buckley had given her for her birthday last year. He remembered Bobby telling them how much Athena had enjoyed it, and more. She had told him that this was going to be her new favourite jacket, which she would only wear when she felt better. Hen had told him one day that May had been trying to persuade Buckley to tell her where he got it from because they suspected it wasn't just a simple jacket, but they hadn't heard back from him or Athena.

Eddie hadn't paid much attention to Maddie, even though she was dressed more simply. His concentration was on Athena. He was always worried when she entered the station, but he relaxed a little because she was not in uniform. Mostly because he felt like he was just waiting for the day she would show up and arrest him for fighting.

"Hi, Athena," Hen said, smiling at her friend. Eddie knew Hen and Athena were still good friends, so they planned a girl's night out every now and then to catch up over a bottle of wine.

"Hi guys, do you know where Bobby is?" Athena inquired, and Eddie noticed her looking around for the rest of the team. Everyone was present except Bobby and Chimney.

"He's in his office Athena." Hen explained that she didn't know what was going on, but she did want to know why she was here wanting Bobby while on shift. Normally, Athena kept work and home separate.

"Thanks Hen, where is everyone?" She asked, still looking around. Clearly, she was looking for someone other than Bobby, which confused Eddie because only Chimney and Bobby were not present. Nobody was missing that mattered.

"Chimney went to answer the phone…" Hen began to explain, but Athena interrupted her before she could finish.

"I meant Buckaroo, May asked me to check something with him." Athena spoke.

Eddie wasn't the only one who looked perplexed by the statement; Hen's expression told him she had no idea what Athena was talking about. He knew Buckley was close to Athena and Bobby, and he got along with the kids, but he had no idea he was so close to May and Harry that Athena would stop by the station to ask him a question for May. But he wasn't sure why he was surprised, given that the man was sometimes a big kid. He despised Buckley for how quickly he could bond with a child, and Christopher defied expectations. Chris took time to trust people before starting at 118, but Buckley had them thinking like thieves less than an hour after meeting.

"He's late," Chimney explained as he entered the room and kissed Maddie on the cheek before settling into a chair and holding her hand still. But Eddie could tell Chimney wasn't going to add anything else to his statement, which he was relieved about. Part of him knew they'd be angry at them for what happened to Buckley, but he also knew Maddie would agree that he wasn't ready to return.

Maddie was overprotective of her brother, as he had observed with each hospital admission. Buckley had told him that Maddie had essentially raised him as a child, and that it was only Maddie's marriage and move out that brought the relationship to an end. However, from the moment he met Maddie, he could tell she had a maternal instinct for her brother. At times, he understood why Buckley was so annoyed with his sister for her overbearing motherly behaviour towards him. He had sisters of his own, and they sometimes drove him crazy.

"That doesn't sound like Buckaroo." Athena said, and he could tell she was worried because Buckley was late. Eddie knew Athena was close to him because of Bobby's relationship with him, but he found it strange that Athena had not sided with her husband on the matter. But he knew from previous experiences that Athena had a soft spot for Buckley. Hell, he had one for the man he still despised, but unlike Athena, he had let his rage crush that soft spot.

"Well, he's changed," Eddie couldn't help but say. But he knew from the look Athena gave him that he had been overheard. He understood that Athena still saw Buckley as one of her children, but he was not. He was an adult, and it irritated him even more that some people did not recognise the pain he had caused them all. He had turned their lives upside down for selfish purposes.

"Has anyone called him?" Athena inquired in a worried yet motherly tone. But Eddie could tell she was unimpressed by Buckley's failure to arrive at work on time.

Eddie's anger flared up again when he saw Athena's worried expression; he knew Athena would always be concerned about the man, but it irritated him to no end that someone didn't see the pain they had all endured as a result of their once-good friend. Christopher's anger was exacerbated by the pain he had to endure. His son had suffered because someone who was supposed to care for him was only thinking about themselves. Just as Shannon did. He had sworn to himself that he would never let anyone hurt his little boy like that again, but he had allowed it to happen.

"Sorry for interrupting but where can I find Captain Nash?" When they heard a new voice, they all stopped and turned around to see where it was coming from.

Eddie nearly choked on his coffee when he noticed who was standing at the top of the stairs. Deputy Chief Muller, dressed in his department suit, looked around at them all, as if they were deer in headlights.

"Deputy Chief Muller..." Chimney stood up, attempting to keep his voice from breaking. "…he's in his office." He then pointed towards Bobby's office.

Eddie was well aware that Chimney was constantly trying to impress the brass in order to advance in the leadership ranks. He knew the man aspired to become a Captain later in his career.

"Could someone go get him? I have an announcement to make." Deputy Chief said, looking at Bobby's office with a stern expression.

Eddie paid close attention to the Chief and couldn't figure out what was bothering him. Hell, the look on his face reminded him of some of his former commanding officers who had been sufficiently irritated but kept their mouths shut in order to keep their positions. They were all aware at the time that if they valued their lives, they should avoid speaking with them.

"Sure, I'll go and get him." Hen said nothing else as she stood up and walked straight to Bobby's office.

Eddie began to recall every call they had received that resulted in a Deputy Chief appearing at the station unexpectedly. Nothing came to mind, to be honest; they hadn't had many big jobs because only he had the training to perform in larger rescues, but they had been busy. If he had been honest with himself and not said it out loud, he would have enjoyed the peaceful and 'q' word shifts they had. He was able to work on his online training, read, and train during his shift. Unlike before, when they had back-to-back calls, he didn't mind as long as he didn't have to sit and wait for too long.

As they waited for Bobby, Eddie noticed that everyone in the loft was quietly conversing with one another while side-eyeing the Chief, trying not to draw attention to themselves. He knew they were discussing why the Chief was here, and more specifically why he hadn't left to speak with Bobby in his office. He also noticed that a few of them were sending them glances, which made him uneasy. They hadn't done anything wrong, but the looks made him concerned that someone had.

Had the Chief learned about the street fights?

That was his main concern right now; he knew it had been extremely stupid of him to get involved in those fights, but at the time, it seemed to be the only outlet for all of his anger and pain. He realised now that those fights had done nothing to alleviate his pain; instead, they had made something else hurt more than his own internal struggles.

"Deputy Chief Muller, I didn't know we had a meeting," Bobby said, breaking Eddie out of his head and into the room in front of him. Bobby seemed as perplexed as they all were as to why the Chief was there.

"We didn't." The Chief turned his full attention to Bobby, and Eddie thought he saw a surge of anger in the Chief's face, but he couldn't be sure. He knew the man had been in the Navy and was fairly high up, if he remembered correctly. And was well-regarded within the LAFD, so he was confident that what he had seen was a clink in the man's armour. Whatever had irritated him had been severe enough to allow his rage to manifest itself. Deep down, he knew they were in trouble, even though he didn't know why.

"However, that may change…" Muller then turned to look at everyone. And then he returned his attention to Bobby. "…I came to inform you that Firefighter Buckley has been placed on leave with no return date at this time, and you will be assigned a floater for the next shift; however, we do not have one available for today's shift, so you will operate with one man down."

Eddie's jaw dropped at that. Buck had left!?

He quickly scanned the room to ensure that his mind was not making things up and that others had heard the same thing. Perhaps he was so exhausted that his mind was playing tricks on him. Perhaps Buck was simply ill and Bobby hadn't informed them, or he had been called in for another appointment because he was on blood thinners. But the expressions on everyone's faces, including Athena and Maddie, told him he was correct, and no one knew it. Maddie appeared as shocked as he was, indicating that she had no idea what her brother had planned.

No. No, this wasn't happening. Buckley was either late or sick; he had not left. Bobby would not allow this to happen. He would not. Eddie quickly returned his attention to Bobby. But all he saw was the same shocked expression on their faces. Bobby clearly had no idea what was coming. Did that mean Buck went over Bobby's head and went to the department to request this leave? Was he hiding something from them? Had the doctors discovered something else at his recent appointments that he was concealing from them? He was one of Buckley's powers of attorney; shouldn't he have been informed of any problems?

He looked at Bobby, expecting him to ask why Buckley had been placed on leave. He had assumed that because of all the problems he had caused the department, he would be expected to work rather than take additional time off. However, they would naturally want to go above and beyond for him to ensure that he did not sue them again.

But for this to happen with such little notice, he had only seen Buckley a few days ago, and even if he hadn't spoken with him, he knew someone would have informed him that Buckley had scheduled some time off. Buckley was aware that any active firefighter's leave took precedence over anyone on part-time or man behind; had he been selfish? Had Buckley prevented another firefighter from taking time off by going to the department instead of Bobby? Eddie knew that Bobby would never have granted the leave if he had approached him without a compelling reason.

However, a part of his brain began to remind him that Buckley had been the man behind the scenes for so long that his absence from the station would not have a significant impact. Expect them to go on jobs without a man until the floater started so they don't lose anyone on the truck. It also meant that they'd have to start rotating who was the man behind, as the floater was unlikely to enjoy being the man behind all the time. It also meant that they would have to reorganise their chores, which he didn't mind because it kept him busy. And right now, being busy meant he wasn't as concerned about Chris.

"What?" Bobby inquired, clearly stunned and still reeling from the news.

"Yes, he requested some time off, which was granted. He didn't give much of a reason, to be honest, but based on the reports I've seen, I don't blame him for needing some time away," Muller said, looking more at Bobby than the rest of them, but Eddie knew the comment was directed not only at their Captain but also at them. The comment that threw him off was that Buckley had not explained why, but the Chief assumed it had something to do with him.

"I knew he wasn't ready to return…" Bobby began to speak as he quickly recovered from his shock and attempted to explain things to the Chief.

"That is not what I meant Captain Nash." Muller interrupted Bobby before he could finish. Eddie had a feeling he knew what was going to happen. He quickly glanced at Hen and Chimney, but neither of them was looking at him. Instead, they tried not to draw attention to themselves or look at Maddie or Athena, who had begun to look at them all before returning their focus to Bobby and the Chief.

"According to the department file, Buckley was cleared for full active duty by all of his doctors as well as the department's team. I've also read complaints from other stations that you assisted on calls after they requested Buckley's services only to discover that he was the man behind it." Muller added, staring directly at Bobby.

Eddie couldn't tell if he was correct, but the Chief's look at Bobby was as if he was daring the man to disagree with him. Also, gloating him into a fight. But then his mind began to catch up on what Muller had said. Buck was cleared to return to full duty. That wasn't correct; Bobby had informed them that he wasn't cleared for duty. But, based on what the Chief said, Bobby had lied to them. But he wouldn't do that, right? Those questions began to run through his mind without his permission. If Bobby lied to them about this, what else might he have lied about?

"He was assigned light duties," Bobby said, but Eddie noticed a slight tremor in his voice.

Eddie realised Bobby had been hiding something from them. Regardless of how angry he was at Buckley, working without a partner had been difficult. It put him at risk because he was the only one trained to perform certain rescues, and he could recall over ten calls that they had responded to but couldn't help because Buckley wasn't present.

"Captain Nash, Buckley was cleared for full active duty so explain to me why you thought yourself better than his doctors and the department to delay a firefighter from returning?" Muller inquired, his anger palpable even without saying anything.

"Sir... he wasn't ready…" Bobby began to explain, but Eddie could tell he was struggling to explain himself.

"So you thought you knew better than all his doctors and instructors at the academy?" Muller inquired, and Eddie realised that Bobby had not been entirely truthful with them. Had Buck told the truth? He began to reflect on the lawsuit, a painful memory, but he knew he had to. However, the new information about the department clearing Buck to work made the lawsuit appear different. It was clear from what he had just witnessed that Bobby had prevented Buck from working again, which was the purpose of the lawsuit, right? He had always thought of Buck as a loyal friend until then, but perhaps he had changed because he had been betrayed.

Hell, he would have probably done the same thing if it had benefited him. As much as he adored his son and wished for the opportunity to spend time with him, being stuck at home or in the station would have driven him insane. He knew he couldn't completely forgive Buckley for bringing his problems to the department to prove his point, but he also understood why Buck had gone to such lengths.

He had always noticed Bobby and Buck's father-son relationship, which became clearer as he got to know the team. And as a father, he knew where Bobby's heart was at. He would never put Chris in danger, but after learning from Chris and Buck, he realised he needed to let Chris be himself and simply be there for him. It was now clear that Bobby had not done that Buck, which was the source of all this.

Before Bobby could respond, Muller raised his hand and quickly added, "I think this conversation should be finished in your office, Captain." Muller began to speak, and the look he gave Bobby reminded Eddie of a time when someone had really irritated his Abuela. It wasn't an angry face, but rather a completely calm one, which was even more dangerous.

When he was a kid, he learned that if Abuela yelled at them, she was simply angry, but if she remained silent with a stone-faced expression, they were in serious trouble. His cousin told him that she had only seen the stone face once, after one of their other cousins was caught with illegal drugs and Abuela went off on him. But she hadn't screamed or yelled. No, that would have been preferable; all he was told later was that their cousin had never broken the law again.

"I was doing what was best for him," Bobby began to say, as if attempting to justify his actions. Eddie could hear the fatherly tone blending into his words. He understood it; he would do anything to keep Chris safe, but he recognised that Chris was his own person. This entailed allowing him to forge his own path in life without him holding him back.

"Really…?" Muller inquired almost as if he were holding back a laugh. "…Because from where I am standing it looks like you are holding a grudge against Buckley for the lawsuit and is punishing him for it."

"He sued us, though," Chimney said, without really meaning it.

That, however, drew Muller's attention back to the room as a whole, and Eddie wanted to kick Chimney for it. It appears that by the time Bobby arrived, the Chief's attention had been so focused on him that he had forgotten they were not alone. However, as a result of Chimney's comment, the Chief turned to face them all.

"And then dropped it Firefighter Han, saving not only Captain Nash's career but yours as well." Muller shook his head at the man, a look of pure discussion on his face. Eddie had a feeling that if Muller wasn't in uniform and a Chief, Chimney's head would be knocked off.

Eddie found himself holding his breath a little more when he saw the look the Chief was giving Chimney. Now he was having a flashback to his training days, when the drill sergeants would get in their faces. He felt himself shrink in his seat, attempting to avoid the glare they were now all receiving. But he couldn't shake the shocked expression on his face when the Chief mentioned that they were so close to losing their jobs, and he couldn't figure out why. But he didn't have to wait long before the Chief explained.

"If Buckley had accepted the department's offer, nearly all of you would have lost your jobs or been demoted. The entire event brought to light issues that we were previously unaware of, and the only reason no further action was taken against any of you was Buckley's request. And had it written into his contract." Muller explained.

Everyone could only stand there and accept what the Chief had just said to them. Eddie couldn't believe it, either. He had been ordered into counselling by the department, but he had not been told how much the department knew, and he was relieved that he had not received a harsher punishment. He assumed they felt sorry for him because he was still grieving over Shannon's death.

"He wasn't ready to return; the job is too dangerous," Maddie interrupted the silence.

Everyone turned to face her now. Chimney had shrunk slightly under the Chief's gaze, but he had nearly recovered now that his attention was diverted elsewhere. Eddie stared at Maddie as if she had three heads; something about her now seemed strange. But then he remembered one of Buck's comments about Maddie, which he had overlooked. He made a comment, but it wasn't really directed at him. The comment was essentially that Maddie acted more like his mother than his sister at times. And he despised it.

He knew how sisters could be, but he'd noticed Maddie was a little overprotective around Buck, especially when he was injured. He remembered one time at the hospital overhearing Maddie argue with one of Buck's doctors about not knowing Buck's recovery plan. He had heard the doctor argue that unless Buck gave him the go-ahead, he would not disclose any information to her. Maddie had just repeatedly stated that she was Buck's sister and demanded to be kept up to date on any developments concerning Buck's care. Even when Buck was awake and capable of making his own choices.

"And you are?" Muller inquired, but Eddie could tell that the Chief was not going to take crap from anyone.

"Maddie Buckley, Buck is my little brother." Maddie snapped, shaking her head at the question. Eddie had seen her excessive entitlement too many times to believe that this was unusual for her.

"Miss Buckley, your brother is one of the best firefighters in the department and was scheduled to return to full duty. Hell, I know that my office and the Chief's office receive requests and offers from a dozen different departments, as well as requests to train other rescue units on a weekly basis. With his training and skills, he could find work anywhere in the country. Muller said, looking disappointed.

"But…" Maddie started to speak, but the Chief quickly cut her off.

Eddie understood that Maddie had no rights over Buck; he was his own man. A skilled firefighter who did not need to be pampered. Thinking back to this morning, he despised his train of thought with Buck. He was his best friend, and now he's gone. He hated himself even more now, unable to believe he had abandoned Buck so completely. Chris was going to hate him. That was all he could think about, and he nearly missed what Muller had said next to Maddie.

"No buts, Miss Buckley. Your brother is a grown man and one of the best, and now I'm working to repair the damage that has already been done so we don't lose him to another city or department." Muller shook his head again and scoffed a little at her before returning his attention to Bobby, who still appeared to be reeling from Buck's departure.

"Shall we Captain Nash?" Muller inquired, pointing to the office, and the two men proceeded without saying anything else.

For the first few minutes after Bobby's office door closed, muttered conversations began around them. Eddie, on the other hand, was far too preoccupied with his own thoughts. But he heard Maddie's voice complain.

"I am going to call him; he cannot do this. He is acting so childishly. He needs to grow up and do as he’s told.”

Eddie looked up at the last comment and had a flashback to one of the arguments he had with his parents while packing up his and Chris' lives. His mother once told him that he had to grow up and do what they said. Maddie's words incited him to become enraged. How dare Maddie say such things? Buck was a grown man who could do whatever he wanted. Even if he felt slightly hurt, he wasn't Buck's keeper. But before anyone could stop her, Maddie pulled her phone from her pocket and stormed out, Chimney following closely behind her.

"Does someone want to explain to me about what the hell is going on?" When Athena asked, Eddie turned to face her. Athena's glare made him feel as if he were staring down a mama bear who was protecting her cub. Buck used to joke that whenever Athena came to tell them off for something, she would give them her motherly look, which scared him at times.

"Athena…" Hen began to speak sheepishly.

"No Hen. The truth now!" Athena snapped, and Eddie realised they were all in trouble.

Eddie wished to shrink down in his chair and hide from the world. But all he could think about right now was Buck. Was he safe? Was he OK? He wanted to get his phone and call Buck himself, but he didn't think he could. He'd hurt his best friend. Injured Chris' second father. How could he live with himself knowing that? He needed to make things right, and he was willing to go to any length to ensure Buck knew he was sorry. He hoped Buck would forgive him. He could only hope.

Chapter Text

Buck had gone to bed shortly after Doctor Gallagher's call regarding his blood results. They had only been home for an hour, and he was dozing off on the couch when Steve's phone began to ring. He was so nervous that he felt like he was about to have a panic attack and would have if Steve hadn't grounded him. The call had been brief and painless. But he was slightly surprised by what she had told them. He wouldn't have been able to finish the call if Steve hadn't wrapped one of his arms around his shoulders, pulling him to his side.

She quickly explained that his blood tests revealed that he was slightly anaemic, had a vitamin deficiency due to poor eating habits, and was slightly dehydrated, but she believed that with the right diet and attention to his mental health, he could correct those issues without the need for medical intervention.

Steve had inquired about starting multivitamins to help with his deficiencies and was told that they would not cause any harm if taken correctly, and she even recommended which ones. Buck felt himself withdraw from the conversation between Steve and Doctor Gallagher as he sank a little in his seat; he had done this to himself and was simply waiting for Steve to yell at him or for him to waste a doctor's time with problems he had caused himself. He knew in his heart that Steve would not do that. Steve was not Bobby, Eddie, or Maddie. Steve didn't pass such a harsh judgment.

He had also heard Doctor Gallagher tell Steve that she wanted him to start his anxiety medication tonight so that it could get into his system, and then follow the instructions on the label starting tomorrow. He was to take the anti-sickness medication 30 minutes before eating, and if he felt too full, he was to try smaller meals rather than pushing himself.

He knew it would take time for his body to adjust to eating normally again, and he knew Steve would not let him go without eating for days as he had in LA. Doctor Gallagher also mentioned spending as much time as possible outside to increase his vitamin D levels and improve his mental health, but she also warned Steve about any side effects from the medication as well as any worsening symptoms if his mental health deteriorates.

He knew she was doing it to keep him safe, so he remained like that. He wanted to thank her but couldn't find the right words. He had no idea why, but after hearing the words 'nothing to worry about at the moment', he felt his body begin to shut down as it cried out for sleep.

And that is where he was now.

He had opened his eyes the moment he felt the world return to him, and to be honest, he felt incredible. He performed 100 times better than he had in months. He looked around his brother's spare room, which Steve had told him to start calling his because he wasn't going to let him leave until he was feeling better and found himself smiling softly to himself. He felt as if a cloud had been lifted from him, even more so than when they had left the doctor's office.

Since the bombing and everything that followed, he felt as if a dark cloud was drowning him again and again with no sign of letting up, but now he felt as if he had lifted so much that he could feel its presence without feeling the weight. He was still tired and anxious, but it was manageable. Perhaps those medications could keep it under control and allow him to recover?

He wished he could sleep longer because he knew it was still early, but his body was screaming at him to get up and move, perhaps even work out a little. He was aware that he had lost muscle since the bombing, and that his poor eating habits had contributed to his further loss, so he needed to get up and start working on himself. He didn't dislike his appearance, but he was so used to having thick muscles that he was afraid he'd hurt himself even more if he tried his usual workout. However, he knew that Steve had most likely already begun planning his workout sessions in his head to help him regain his strength. He had always relied on Steve to plan his recovery after an injury; the base physios were competent, but he trusted Steve more.

Buck sighed as he emerged from under the warm covers and made his way to the bathroom. However, as he passed Steve's room, he couldn't help but peek in to check on his older brother. He found himself smiling softly as he saw his brother still fast asleep. He was relieved to see his brother sleeping because he had begun to worry that his brother was exhausting himself trying to care for him. He couldn't thank Steve enough for everything he'd done for him over the years, and this was just adding to the list, but he knew Steve would never accept his gratitude. He would simply tell him that he was his brother and was doing what he had to do. However, allowing him to catch up on much-needed sleep was clearly necessary.

After finishing in the bathroom, he quietly walked down the stairs. Fortunately, he had memorised Steve's kitchen, so he had started the coffee machine to ensure that Steve had coffee when he awoke. However, he did not make one for himself. He drank coffee, but to be honest, he didn't particularly enjoy it. Instead, he made himself a cup of green tea, which he knew Steve had brought for him before he arrived and quickly took his medication. He knew he needed to eat something, so he quickly ate some fresh fruit from the fridge before walking out onto Steve's deck and sitting on the steps that lead down to Steve's small beach.

He could see why Steve loved this place; he was aware that the house was Steve's childhood home, but he could also see why he stayed. It was beautiful and peaceful. He looked out at the ocean and felt a shiver run down his spine as the waves crashed against the shore. He was not afraid of the water, but he had grown tired of the ocean. It was difficult, but he had always enjoyed the ocean and was unwilling to let a natural disaster destroy it.

When he got outside, the sun had already risen, but it wasn't so high that it was too hot. Instead, he felt a soft breeze from the ocean. This place was so peaceful that he finally felt safe enough to breathe for what seemed like an eternity. He'd been through a lot in his life and knew he should have taken the time to care for himself rather than worrying about others, but he hadn't.

Now, he was going to start listening to that small childish voice in the back of his head that had always asked him, 'What about me?' And it was correct. What about him? He had always prioritised others; his own needs were unimportant. But now he was listening to the voice. He had to. Steve had repeatedly told him that he mattered. Others from his old unit had informed him. His former love had told him that he mattered. Those who truly cared about him had all told him that he should prioritise himself over others, but he had not listened.

However, now that he was here, away from all the negative comments and insults that he had been subjected to for years, he had finally decided to stand up for himself and put himself first. Looking back, he kicked himself for allowing people he had once considered his new family to treat him that way.

He took another sip of his tea and sighed as he watched a gull fly across the water. The signs that the 118 only saw him as a child were there from the beginning. He had been subjected to childish comments, immature jokes, and sexist remarks since the beginning. He could understand why some of them saw him as a child, but it was difficult to see Bobby treat him that way because his file clearly stated that he had served in the Navy and the Seals, so he would have known that he wasn't just some dumb kid with no idea what was going on. He was a highly trained firefighter who could do more than anyone else and had the credentials to back it up. But they didn't see that; they saw someone who lacked common sense and needed to be watched and babied.

It only got worse when Maddie showed up. She had reverted to playing his mother and treating him as if he were a small child again, which caused everyone else to see him in the same way. He was an adult. He had taken care of himself for years without incident, but his sister clearly thought she knew best. Buck loved his sister, but he wished she would respect his boundaries. However, this appears to be a foreign consent for his sister. After all of Doug's problems were resolved, she appeared to focus on herself before returning to him. He was her child, according to her, and he required constant supervision. He was aware that, prior to the bombing, Chimney had been reporting on him to Maddie. If he had eaten, or if he had done something on the job that they deemed dangerous, he would learn about it after completing his shift.

He looked down at his tea and realised that his eyes were leaking into it. Why couldn't his family see that he wasn't the stupid kid they assumed he was? He hated himself for allowing them to treat him this way for so long. He knew he'd attempted to defend himself. Tell them that he knew what he was doing, went to training sessions to prove himself, and nothing he did was satisfactory. Looking back, he couldn't believe he'd let himself be taken for granted and mistreated.

He promised himself that he would never allow himself to be treated this way again. He would not let others take advantage of him. He would learn to stand up to himself, and Steve would teach him how so that when he faced the 118 or Maddie, he would be prepared. He knew it would hurt him, but he had to do it for himself. Even if it meant cutting them off for a while, or possibly forever.

Because right now, he didn't want to return to Los Angeles.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard Steve's voice calling out from inside the house. "Bomber…? Bomber? Evan...?"

Steve's voice became increasingly louder as his brother moved through the house, and Buck could hear the growing worry, which he understood. Steve must have assumed he had vanished, and he did not blame him. He had essentially vanished from his life the last time he had been encouraged. But he swore to himself that he would never do that to his brother again.

"Out here," Buck called loudly enough for Steve to hear him. He knew Steve would be out there soon, so he quickly wiped the tears from his face.

"There you are, I've been looking all over for you." Buck turned and smiled slightly at his brother's expression, which was clearly a mix of relief and worry. Steve must have panicked when he finally awoke to find him gone. And, given what had happened yesterday, he did not blame him. He must have appeared so broken to him that his sudden disappearance must have raised alarms in his mind.

Buck nodded at the comment, knowing that Steve had most likely searched the entire house for him and had almost called his team to begin a search for him, which felt strange because he had left the doors open to show Steve that he had come out here, but Steve had most likely not noticed it or paid much attention to it.

"I did leave the door open," Buck said innocently, feeling like a naughty kid who had been scrolled by his brother for disappearing on him when he was left in charge with their parents away. But another part of him told him that he didn't need to apologise for wanting to spend the morning alone. No matter how much the other half of him desired it.

"I know, sorry just didn't think you would be up this early," Steve explained as he sat next to him, giving him enough space so he wasn't on top of him. Buck knew Steve wanted to get closer to him, or at least have his shoulder or elbow touch him to reassure himself that he was still there. Something they had done on their way back from a bad operation several times.

"We are on an island; how could I get lost?" Buck asked with a smirk. He knew that people got lost on this island, especially with the thick jungle that stretched across the majority of it. But Steve's belief that he could have gotten lost in a single night struck him as odd, given that he had fallen asleep long before. And since he hadn't triggered the alarm that he knew was set for the front door, he had assumed Steve would have figured out that he hadn't left the premises.

"We are talking about you here, kiddo, I wouldn't put it past you," Steve said, nudging him slightly with a grin and a laugh.

Buck could not help but laugh with him. He knew Steve was just playing a joke on him, and the comment stemmed from the time they went for a drink on R&R and got lost in a semi-empty bar for an hour before finding each other again. He had simply become engrossed in a conversation with someone he knew from Buds, but Steve and the rest of the team were so concerned that they nearly called Joe to track down his phone.

"Shut up," Buck replied, shaking his head. He knew he was never going to forget that night, and a few of the lads threatened to get one of those child safety leads and attach it to him whenever they went out. Fortunately, they had never done that, but he was never allowed to go to the bar or the toilet alone again.

"Anyway, did you get to see the sunrise?" Steve inquired, casting his gaze out over the ocean.

Buck knew he was fishing to see what was going on inside his mind, and while he would normally dislike people doing that to him, he didn't mind with Steve because he knew his brother only cared about him. As with everyone else, he had no other agenda.

With Steve mentioned the sun rising, he wished he had woken up in time to see it. He had been told that watching the sun rise in Hawaii was unlike any other, and he had witnessed some breathtaking sunrises in his life. He had painted many of them during his travels, but he was still amazed when he saw them. They were all beautiful, and no matter how dark his thoughts became, he could always find something beautiful in them to bring him some light.

"No, I miss that; I was just enjoying the quiet," Buck explained, not looking at Steve. Mostly because he wanted to see where Steve was going to take this conversation while also enjoying the picture before him.

"Was I snoring?" Steve joked.

Buck couldn't help but laugh a little more, and to be honest, it felt good. After everything that had happened in LA, he couldn't find anything to make him laugh, but while hanging out with his older brother, he discovered that Steve's old jokes, which he had used repeatedly in the past, made him laugh. He felt a little better after laughing at his brother's remark; they did say that laughter was the best medicine. And maybe they were correct.

"Ha-ha. No. Just it’s peaceful here,” Buck shrugged his shoulders and took another sip of his tea, only to discover that it was cold. However, he had grown accustomed to drinking cold tea after recently losing track of time while immersed in his own thoughts.

"Yer it's why I love this place," Steve said, nodding in response to Buck's comment.

However, as they sat in silence, Buck noticed Steve's gaze turn to him several times. He knew his brother had questions that he wanted answered, but he was waiting for him to bring them up. He appreciated Steve's willingness to wait for him to speak rather than demanding answers to questions he clearly wanted to know.

"You can ask," Buck said softly, closing his eyes and lowering his face until his chin touched his chest. He wanted to be completely honest with Steve about everything. But he didn't feel brave enough to open up and say everything without crying or passing out. Then he'd end up in the hospital again.

"What?" Steve inquired in confusion.

"Just ask the questions that are on your mind. It's okay.” Buck explained but did not open his eyes yet. He didn't want to see Steve's worry, and he didn't want to make his brother worry, but he knew there was nothing he could do until he felt better.

"You sure you’re, ok?" Steve asked softly, placing his hand on top of his and removing his tea in case he dropped it.

Buck sighed and said, "No…" for the first time in a long time. But then Buck opened his eyes and looked directly at his brother. "…but I will be…" He nodded his head as if to remind himself that he would get better. That he would bet his depression and anxiety on getting better. For himself and his brothers.

Steve softly smiled at his comment and drew him into a one-armed hug. Buck missed Steve's hug and promised himself not to cut off his brother again. He looked at Steve and quickly added, "I took my meds before I came out here."

Part of his brain despised the fact that he relied on medication to manage his mental health, but he also recognised that they were beneficial. He wouldn't know how much until he had taken them for a few months, but the fact that his feelings were acknowledged had convinced him that he wasn't insane.

"Good, I'm proud of you," Steve said softly, giving him another squeeze. Buck believed Steve's words.

Bobby had told him a few times that he was proud of him, but he couldn't recall a time when Bobby didn't follow up with a comment about how he could improve. Looking back, he couldn't recall a time when someone from the 118 or even Maddie told him they were proud of him without also suggesting how he could improve.

Buck couldn't help but nuzzle himself deeper into Steve's chest after hearing his comment. "Thank you for letting me stay here." He whispered. He was aware that he had already thanked Steve, but he couldn't help but express his gratitude again. His brother had saved him again, even though he was unaware of it; if Steve had not picked up the phone or offered him his home, he would have most likely done so. He'd have ended it. He would have taken all his pain medication, driven somewhere peaceful where no one would find him, and fallen asleep for the final time.

It terrified him that his plan was still in his head, playing in loops. And now that he thinks about it, he hates himself for almost betraying his brother by breaking his promise, but at the time, he wanted to die.

"You're my brother bomber, you don't need to thank me," Steve spoke softly as he began to rub his arm for comfort. And if he was honest with himself, it made Buck love him even more. Steve had never judged him; when they first met, they felt a connection. A connection that had never been broken. He never expected his trust to fade. He could only explain their connection to others by saying that he trusted Steve with his life no matter what.

"I know but still, thank you," Buch muttered something before returning his gaze to the ocean.

"You're welcome," Steve mumbled before sighing. Buck knew Steve was just trying to get him to stop saying that. "Anyway…" Steve added, "You saved me another lecture from the governor about not taking my vacation days. Let's just hope you don't complain when I take them all together." He added with a slight chuckle.

But the remark only made Buck freeze a little. He did not want Steve to get into trouble because of him. No, he would not allow his brother to jeopardise his job simply because he was broken. "I do not want you to get in trouble because of me. I would be fine if you needed to go in." Buck said as he backed away from Steve, but his brother would not let him.

Instead, Steve tightened his grip and shook his head. "No, kiddo. Danny and my team can handle any situation, and they know they can contact me if necessary. But, kiddo, you need me more." He said this as he drew him in closer as if he was trying to keep him from disappearing.

"If you're sure…" Buck muttered.

He knew Steve wouldn't lie to him. He had been in the room when Steve called to see if everything was okay, only to hear Steve's partner Danny tell him that he needed to use his vacation days because he would never use them otherwise and that they could handle anything so he could stop worrying and enjoy his time off without raising his blood pressure because Danny was. Then Danny put the phone down on him. He couldn't help but laugh at Steve's shocked expression when Danny put down the phone.

"I am…" Steve replied with a soft smile on his face, but when Buck looked at Steve, he saw the worried expression on his face. "Anyway...," Steve said, straightening them up slightly. "Fancy going for a swim? Before you left, we used to go surfing almost every day." Steve asked, nodding towards the water.

Buck froze again when he heard the comment. He has always loved the water. It was why he joined the Navy; being surrounded by water always made him feel calm, no matter what was happening. But since the tsunami, he's become much more wary of it. He still loved the water, and nothing would change that, but he was much more cautious of it.

"I've not been in the water since the tsunami," Buck muttered as he gazed out at the stunning blue sea. He had not been in the water since that day, but he knew he should have. Maybe go to the water for a quick swim, or simply go to one of the swimming pools to get back in the water. But he always manages to talk himself out of it.

"Shit, sorry bomber I shouldn't have…" Steve said, and Buck could tell he was kicking himself for mentioning it and forgetting about the disaster.

"No, it's fine," Buck explained, shaking his head, attempting to persuade his brother that he wasn't angry with him for bringing up the idea of swimming because, to be honest, he really wanted to get into the water. "I'm not scared of going into the water, just maybe a little more cautious of it."

"I understand, but I should have asked if you were ready. We do not need to..." Steve began to speak, but Buck smiled and shook his head.

"I want to do this Steve," Buck said. But what he didn't tell Steve was that he wanted to go for a swim, but he needed to do it even more.

"Are you sure?" Steve asked again, nervously.

"Yer, but I don't have any swimming stuff," Buck admitted, kicking himself, that he had packed to travel to an island without any swimming gear. But he didn't have much stuff anymore because he had gotten rid of so much when he moved to Los Angeles. Mainly because they no longer fit him. After the bombing and the lawsuit, he discovered that he no longer fit into many of his clothes and donated nearly all of them. It explains why all his belongings now fit into two bags.

"You can borrow some of mine," Steve said, shrugging his shoulders before pulling himself to his feet and collecting Buck's cold tea cup along the way.

Buck knew Steve's clothes wouldn't fit him, but he trusted Steve not to say anything and would find him something to wear. "Ok," he said, taking Steve's hand that his brother had extended for him and allowing Steve to help him to his feet.

"Come on then," Steve said with a smile, patting him on the shoulder and heading towards the house.

Buck took a few steps towards the house, but something stopped him. Something was around him, and without thinking, he turned to face the ocean. He could not believe he was here. Not the island, because he knew deep down that Steve would be there for him no matter what, but after everything he had gone through. He knew he should be dead; he had lived many lives in his short life, but he was still alive.

He found himself gazing intently into the ocean and noticing that all the muscles in his shoulders and neck began to relax as he watched the waves gently lick the sand. He couldn't help but feel calm while watching it. He just hoped that when he finally stepped into the water, he would still feel like this. He wanted to bottle up this calming feeling and keep it with him for when things got too stressful. The soft sea breeze began to spin around him as if it was trying to hug him or apologise for the trauma it had caused.

Perhaps being surrounded by the ocean like this, allowing the sea breeze to speak to him as if it were right now, was going to help him heal. He trusted Steve and the ocean to keep him safe. Keep him safe and alive. Hopefully.

Buck gave a soft thank you to whatever sent him that breeze before turning to follow Steve into the house to change.

Chapter Text

When Athena returned home from the mess at the fire station, she couldn't help but pour herself a large glass of wine. She couldn't believe what she'd heard and kicked herself for being so blind to one of her pains. After the Chief took Bobby into his office, she was able to elicit some information from Eddie and Hen. Chimney and Maddie remained silent after she gave them a look after they attempted to defend themselves. She couldn't believe Buck's sister was so selfish and cruel, but that was another issue she could deal with later. Bobby, now she had another problem to deal with. She didn't leave the firehouse until just after the Chief had left, mainly because she wanted to have a stern talk with her husband, but when she entered the office, she realised it wasn't the place for it. Instead, she shook her head, disappointed in the man she once loved but was now questioning and told him they'd talk at home before leaving without saying anything else.

She had driven away from the station but had not returned home. She could not. Instead, she drove around the corner so no one at the station could see her before parking and letting out some of the suppressed tears. She had failed Buck by ignoring his pain, and now he had died. For a moment, all she wanted to do was drive to Buck's flat and beg forgiveness for allowing this to happen right in front of her. She knew she couldn't just show up like that. She knew from previous experience that doing so would only cause Buck more pain.

Instead, she took out her phone and attempted to call Buck but stopped after the second failed attempt. She didn't want to bombard Buckaroo with calls because, looking back, she hadn't spoken to him much since the lawsuit. A mistake she knew she'd regret because she knew Buck would notice that she was abandoning him, just like everyone else. She hadn't meant to avoid contacting him; she had been so preoccupied with work and dealing with the aftermath of the bombing that she had completely overlooked Buck.

Another reason she hadn't called back was that she suspected the poor kid would be receiving a lot of calls from the 118 and his sister. She knew Hen would most likely inquire as to his well-being, but she had no idea about everyone else. She had simply left a voicemail informing Buck that she understood why he had left and that she was available to him whenever he was ready to speak with her, but she would not push him. She had also apologised to him for not reaching out sooner. She wanted to make sure Buck understood that he was not at fault here; she was, but she knew she couldn't accept Buck's forgiveness unless she could say it to his face. He needed to say it to her face before she could relax.

Nonetheless, she had a gut feeling that Maddie's voicemail to her brother would be one of anger rather than support and worry. She shook her head at herself for once believing Maddie truly cared for Buck and, according to the stories she had heard, had raised Buckaroo, but now she was thinking there must be some underlying issue with her for her to act this way. Maddie was acting very entitled right now, and I couldn't help but think of a few calls she had been on about neurotic mothers who were so controlling of their children that they either ran away or disappeared off the map.

But she knew Maddie wasn't the only one who was at fault here; they all were, and they needed to work on themselves. She was also going to make sure that everyone at the 118 understood that Buck was not to blame for the situation; they had made their bed, and now they had to live with it.

She had sat there for about an hour, trying to sort out her thoughts before heading home. Fortunately, the kids were at school, so she could cry a little more safely at home. She just hated herself for ignoring Buckaroo's obvious pain. What the Chief had told her made her heart sink.

She had failed one of her children again, just like May. She hadn't seen one of her children in pain, or perhaps she had but didn't want to. Previously, it nearly cost her her daughter's life. In that moment, she vowed that it would not take her son's life either. Buckaroo was an adult who had left to heal himself, which she was proud of, but her new job was to make the people who had hurt her child pay for it. And if that meant giving them the same cold shoulder Buck had given them, so be it. That harsh truth needed to begin with the one person with whom she knew she had so much leeway: Bobby. She was ready to kill him if she found out he had harmed her son.

When she first met Buck, she assumed he was a silly boy who would only cause her trouble. But all she remembered about him was that he was a lost boy looking for a family. After a few months of working together, she began to fall in love with the boy, and then without her realising it. Even before Bobby became her new husband, her ex-husband Michael began to joke that they now had three children instead of two.

She had seen how Michael and Buck interacted and knew they had already formed a relationship. Buck's relationship with Michael was not as strong as his fatherly one with Bobby, but she knew he held a high regard for him. She had seen Buck and Michael in deep conversation with David for about an hour at a few family gatherings before they were interrupted by Christopher, who wanted Buck to play with him.

But it wasn't just Michael and her who saw Buck as part of their family; May and Harry had accepted Buck as an older brother. Harry was just glad to have a brother to play with again, as May had stopped playing with him as she grew older. But with Buck, Harry could play whatever games he wanted. She had even run into him while playing online with Buck and Christopher one night, and she found herself smiling as she heard her son laugh so hard at a comment Buck made.

In contrast to May's reaction to receiving another brother, Harry and Buck formed an almost instant bond. Athena understood; May was at a difficult age, and having an older brother who was constantly checking on her was becoming annoying. However, May gradually warmed up to him, and their bond was now as strong as Harry's. May and Harry had openly admitted to herself, Michael, and Bobby that they felt more at ease talking to Buck about things than with them.

She was initially disappointed that her children would not come to them with their problems, but she realised from her own experience talking to Buck about things that it was simply easier to talk to him. Whatever the issue was, Buck had told her very openly during one of their family dinners that if he ever felt they were in danger, he would tell her. Regardless of how much they begged him to remain silent, he would always protect them.

Buck's loyalty to her children was incredible, especially since they had only known each other for a short time before their bond began. Buck only wanted to feel loved, and if that meant giving more than he received, that was fine. As a mother, she was saddened to think that Buck did not recognise his worth.

As she sipped her wine, she wished Buck had thought more about himself than he did. Even with the lawsuit, he was thinking about the people he could help if he could return to work. There was also some selfishness in there, but she felt prouder of him for standing up for himself. She was just angry with herself for not doing it for him. When Bobby told Buck that he was the one holding him back, she could see the pain in her son's eyes like she had never seen before. That statement had destroyed him, but she had not consoled him, and she would regret it for the rest of her life.

But when Athena learned that Buck had dropped the lawsuit and was free to return, she assumed that everything would return to normal, and she would reunite with her family. She knew there would be some hurt feelings; how could they not be? She had sat there, listening to Bobby, Chimney, and Hen all complain about Buck's lawyer's remarks about them and how unfairly they were treated. To be fair, she thought the lawsuit was wrong, but she also knew Buck was just protecting himself. But she had assumed that they had resolved everything when Buck returned; Bobby had said as much.

She had asked him after they had worked a few shifts with Buck back to see how he was doing. Bobby had just shrugged his shoulders and told her that he was easing Buck back into work and that everything was fine. She was now kicking herself for not checking in with her son to see how he was doing; perhaps she could have caught this sooner and prevented Buck from leaving. Or at least made her husband realise how stupid he was being.

Just thinking about Bobby, however, had caused her temper to flare up, and she had to carefully pick up her glass to avoid smashing it in her hands. She wasn't sure who Bobby was right now, but he wasn't the man she'd married. When they first started dating, Bobby told her that his firehouse was his family, so she needed to get used to Buck. When everyone saw Buck and Bobby together, they assumed they were father and son, and if she was honest with herself, that was one of the reasons she fell in love with him. Bobby had even told her at the start of their relationship that Buck was an important part of his life and that she needed to accept him as well, which she was glad she did. Buckaroo had been a lifelong member of her family.

Right now, however, she couldn't look at Bobby without feeling her anger grow. When Bobby returned home, they planned to have a long and difficult conversation about what the hell was going on between him and her son. However, as she finished the bottle, she realised that with the alcohol in her veins, she did not want her other children to hear what had happened. She also didn't want them to hate Bobby completely because, no matter how much she despised him at the time, he was still her husband.

Thankfully, they were both at school, so she texted Michael without thinking to ask if he could watch the kids for the night because she needed some alone time. It didn't take long for Michael to text her back, saying he was happy to text the kids and would text May to come to him instead of there, as well as asking if everything was fine. As much as she was hurt when Michael came out to him, she was glad they could still work so well together for the children. Hell, she'd even refer to him as a close friend, which she knew was unusual for someone to say about their ex, but what was normal in her life?

She knew May would text her to ask why they were suddenly going to Dad's, but Michael had also said he would take them out to dinner and pretend it was a surprise so she wouldn't be bothered by them, and he would keep them overnight. However, she was aware that May would text her regardless. May had grown up so quickly that it was a little frightening, but she was also very proud of the woman she was becoming. It was also a little scary that her little girl would soon be leaving for college.

She offered to help May with her college application one night after dinner but was surprised when May simply said it was done. When she asked how she had done it all herself, she remembered having to ask her mother how to complete hers, and when May was almost finished with school, she looked at the forms herself and felt her head spin at how complicated the form looked. She simply shrugged and said Buck had helped her finish it.

She was taken aback by that comment because, according to Bobby, Buck had never attended college or, if he had, had dropped out when he left. She knew he later earned a fire science degree because she saw the certificate in his home. But I completely forgot to ask about it later. But what hurt her the most was how the other 118 reacted when she brought it up later with them. Chimney and Hen had both joked that Buck was too stupid for college, and unfortunately, Buck had been right there listening. She had wanted to defend Buck, as any mother would do for their child, but Buck had shaken his head and told her not to. She had called him out on it later, but he told her he didn't care what they thought because he was used to it. That made matters worse. But she had respected Buck's wishes, and now she wished she had stood up for him.

She was halfway through her second bottle when Bobby arrived home. She hadn't moved from the couch, just stared out the window. She didn't acknowledge him, and she didn't want to. She didn't want to have the conversation, but she knew she had to. This conversation was necessary for her to understand what was going through her husband's mind and to determine whether they could repair what was broken.

"Where are the kids?" She overheard Bobby ask.

Athena checked the clock and realised she had been lost in thought for several hours and that the sun had long since set. She knew she needed to keep her cool when having this conversation with Bobby; if she exploded in rage, nothing would get resolved. "At Michael's." She simply stated.

"I didn't know they were going over there, I got stuff for tea," Bobby said, and Athena could tell he was trying to pretend nothing had happened at the station and everything was normal.

"Well, I didn't want them here for this," Athena said softly, shaking his head at Bobby's actions. Perhaps Buck hadn't come to her because she hadn't noticed any unusual behaviour, and he assumed she wouldn't believe him because Bobby was acting normally. She hadn't picked up anything, and she'd been with the LAPD for a long time.

"You have a lot of explaining to do, Bobby Nash," she said, finally turning to face him as he began to approach her after her last comment.

"Athena…" Bobby said something, but Athena was aware of his actions. He didn't want to talk about what had happened, so he tried to get her to stop the conversation, as he had done a few times before when she had called him out on his previous behaviour around Buck.

"Don't Athena me Bobby, I wanted to know the truth…" She said, placing her glass on the coffee table so she wouldn't throw it at him. As much as she loved him, he had hurt one of her children, and she knew she couldn't simply lash out at Bobby as she had with May's bully's parents because she was married to him. And she knew Bobby didn't mean to hurt Buck. He just wanted to keep him safe, as any parent would, but there was a line between being a concerned parent and being overbearing, and it was clear that Bobby had crossed that line too far. "…You need to tell me what the hell you were thinking." She then shook her head, noting Bobby's confusion. Had he forgotten that she had been present when the Chief snapped at him? Or did he believe she would have simply agreed with him without questioning him?

"It's not what you think…" Bobby muttered as he sat on the opposite couch, which she was grateful for. If he had sat next to her, she wasn't sure she would have been able to stop herself from lashing out at him.

"Don't tell me how to think." Athena snapped back, leaning forward, and looking directly at him; she knew she was giving him her sergeant look, which she used on the criminals she dealt with, and a small part of her despised that she was using it on her husband, but she had no choice. She wanted answers. "I heard the Chief the same as you, Buck was cleared for full active duty by his doctors and the department, so tell me how you thought yourself better than everyone?"

Bobby hung his head low, indicating that he did not want to answer that question. Mostly because she knew he didn't have a good answer. "He wasn't ready." He muttered after a few minutes of silence that seemed like an eternity.

"He wasn't ready, or you weren't?" She asked, and the shocked expression on his face told her the answer. She was aware of Bobby's deep affection for Buck. He was his son in every way other than blood. She had seen it, as had everyone else, and it was only natural for a parent to want to keep their children safe. However, Bobby had crossed a line, preventing Buck from returning to work. She knew that, and she had caused the lawsuit, which she knew he would lose; hell, the department had wanted to settle, and she only knew that because it had been leaked not long after the lawsuit was dismissed. She didn't know the exact amount, but she knew it was a lot. What she couldn't understand was how Bobby could still believe he was correct despite so many people telling him he was wrong. She hated admitting she was wrong. She didn't think anyone did, but she knew when to admit her mistakes.

"Athena…" Bobby snapped a little but quickly shut up when she gave him that look.

"No Bobby, I know how you feel about Buckeroo." She argued, then took a deep breath before continuing. Bobby still didn't understand where he had gone wrong. "You told me as much when you told me that you both came as a package deal when we got together." And she remembered that conversation vividly because Bobby had wanted to discuss everything before they got serious. It was primarily due to her initial attitude towards Buck when they first met, but it was unnecessary because they had grown so close by that point.

"I know you see him as a son, and I can understand you wanting to keep him safe, but you have to remember that Buck is an adult who can make his own decisions for himself." She then added that she would not break eye contact with him.

"I know that" Bobby argued, but Athena didn't quite get it.

"Do you? So why did you do it?" Athena inquired; she needed Bobby to explain why he had done this to their family. Buckaroo was a member of their family, yet he had nearly destroyed him. She wanted to know for her own peace of mind. She couldn't understand how she had missed this. Looking back, it was clear that they had kicked Buck out of their family; there was no invitation to dinner, and when they did get together, they simply told her that he was too busy or had other plans. It was obvious now, but she hadn't noticed it previously.

Bobby muttered, "I don't know," but he couldn't look her in the eyes.

"Yes, you do," Athena said sadly, knowing that Bobby had to have planned this entire thing rather than just pulling it out of thin air. They all had nightmares about what had happened to Buck; she remembered standing near the other officers and Bobby as they heard Buck's cries as he lay under the fire truck. "Why did you hold him back?" She repeated her question and then said, "I told you when told Buck that you had been the one holding him back that you would have to face the consequences of doing that."

And she had. After Buck left, she sat at the table with Bobby for over an hour, telling him that he should have followed Buck, sat down with him, and explained everything to him. His worries, his concerns, and then they devise a strategy to get him back to work. But Bobby would not have it. He was set in his ways, and now they were here. Buck had disappeared, and no one knew where he was or when he would return.

"But he sued me," Bobby complained, and Athena couldn't help but compare him to Harry when he was told off and tried to avoid his punishment.

"Yes, and you deserved it," Athena retorted, defending Buck, noting that Bobby had been fortunate not to emerge from the investigation with only a mark on his record and a slap on the wrist. But she knew it would have been much worse if Buck had accepted the settlement.

"What?" Bobby burst into tears, completely taken aback. Did Bobby think she would always side with him?

"If you had told Buck the truth in the beginning that you didn't feel like he was ready to come back and worked with him to come up with a plan instead of going behind his back then maybe this could have been avoided," Athena explained, perplexed by Bobby's inability to recognise that his actions had caused everything.

"But he wasn't…" Bobby began by stating that, based on what Athena could tell, Bobby was about to try to defend himself with the same stupid comments he had been making since everything happened, unaware that he was wrong.

"Maybe but going behind his back, stopping him from working without an explanation was the biggest betrayal to him that you could have done to that boy." Athena began to explain. She wished she could take a big gulp from her glass, but she knew she needed to get this done. "And that caused him to properly question everyone who he once thought cared about him, and then that lawyer entered his mind, and he wanted to make a point. A reminder to the department and you that he was ready and able to return." Athena said, but then raised her hand to prevent Bobby from interrupting her. "Yes, it was an impulsive thing to do but what else could he have done?"

The question was rhetorical, but she sighed slightly when Bobby added, "Wait or maybe look of..."

"Or what?" Athena snapped. She was tired of hearing Bobby and Maddie spit out whenever the topic of Buck's return came up. It was as if they were attempting to control him as they would a child. Buck was his own man, which meant he could choose what he did with his life. "Find a safer job like Maddie has been drilling into him since he got hurt?" She asked, but she already knew the answer.

"Maybe that would be better for him, it would stop him from getting hurt," Bobby argued. "I can't lose him, Athena." Bobby then stood up and walked away from their conversation as if it were over.

"No, it won't. Buck's nature requires him to help others. According to the Chief, he is very good at it. He loves his job; being stuck in an office or a job that does not allow him to help people in the ways he is capable of doing would slowly destroy him. Is this what you want? Do you want to lose him? Athena snapped back, causing Bobby to freeze. "If you don't sort this out Bobby you are going to lose him for good," Athena added sharply. She knew she could have said something nicer, but Bobby needed to know the truth.

"I just couldn't lose another son, I just wanted to protect him," Bobby whispered.

"But in trying to protect him, you might have lost him forever," Athena admitted, but she despised having to say that. She didn't want to admit it, but Buck had most likely already died because they had forgotten him at the most critical stage of his recovery. It broke her heart to think Buckaroo had thought he was so alone that leaving would be best for everyone. Because she knew Buck would not have considered himself when he asked for leave, but rather that it would have been better for everyone if he had simply left. Regardless of what the Chief said about his leaving to heal. But she hoped he would begin to heal, not for them, but for himself.

"What am I meant to do Athena?" Bobby was scared. Athena could see the fear on Bobby's face. Was he only now realising what he had done or may have caused? Bobby had only recently realised that he had possibly pushed away the man he saw as his son because of his own insecurities.

"That's a thing only you can work out," Athena spoke honestly. What she wanted to tell him was that this wasn't going to be an easy fix, but she cared too much about him to be harsh with him. Even after everything he had done to their son. "Hopefully, after this time away, Buck will return, and you will be able to discuss things as adults rather than as a father telling his son everything. You must be honest with him. Explain everything to him, but don't act as if he should understand and agree with your point of view; he won't. You could have destroyed him with this." Athena said, shaking her head slightly.

Even though it hurt them both, saying these things was necessary. What she needed to say next, however, caused her to choke slightly. She hated thinking this about her son, but she needed Bobby to understand what he had done to not only Buck but also to this family. There was no family without Buck. And she would stand by that statement until the end.

"You've isolated him, Bobby. Made every minute of his life miserable, keeping him away from his job and family. Telling someone that you don't trust him or that he isn't worthy of anyone can destroy them to the point where they don't want to live. Is this what you want to happen to Buckaroo? Do you want to lose another son?" Athena finished and had to look away from Bobby because she saw tears begin to fall.

Had he just realised how bad things could have turned out for them?

When she was attempting to contact Buck, she was tempted to go over to his house to check on his well-being. Worried that her son had attempted suicide, she had not done so because, according to the Chief, Buck had left wanting to take some time off. And she knew Maddie would have gone straight to Buck's flat the moment she exited the station. But she doubted Buck would be present. Instead, she would give Buck some space before contacting him. She planned to text him again in the morning to see if he needed anything.

But that didn't mean she wouldn't be flagging Buck's flat for any calls; she didn't want to overcrowd Buck because he'd been left alone for far too long, so she'd establish a slow but easy line of communication to ensure he knew she was there for him when he was ready. They had to follow his schedule rather than their own because they had caused him harm.

"What have I done?" Athena heard Bobby whisper but did not respond.

Athena waited patiently until Bobby was ready to speak; she needed Bobby to reflect on what he had done and understand that Buck had also been lied to, isolated, and bullied because he wanted to return to work. Bobby had caused their son's pain, and only after he accepted that fact could they begin to work on a solution.

"All I wanted to do was protect him," Bobby whispered again, shaking his head as he sat down, head in his hands. He was still crying, but Athena understood that Bobby needed to do it. She couldn't remember seeing Bobby since they were told Buck would be fine after his first operation following the bombing. Not entirely. He needed to express all of his emotions before they could move on.

"I know you did, but you also hurt him because of it," Athena added softly.

"How can I fix this? "How can I get him back?" Bobby asked desperately.

Athena sighed and wiped her own tears, which had begun to fall. She didn't have an answer to this question. Buck may never forgive Bobby for what he had done, and unfortunately, there was nothing anyone could do to change his mind. Buck was well within his rights to never speak to them again after what they had done to him. She wasn't completely innocent because she had been so blind to Buck's pain. She hoped Buck would forgive her, but she would make sure he didn't expect it because he had left them badly.

"I don't know Bobby." She responded truthfully.

And with that, she stood up, put her glass in the sink, and the bottle in the fridge for later, and went to bed. She muttered about him taking the guest room before locking her bedroom door and climbing into her bed. She knew she was punishing Bobby by doing this, but she preferred to be alone. At the end of the day, she might have lost her son because of her husband's actions, and as much as she loved Bobby, she couldn't easily forgive. Not right now.

Chapter Text

Buck and Steve stayed out in the open ocean for what seemed like an eternity to Buck. Buck had once allowed himself to lie on his back and gaze up at the blue sky for a while, just enjoying the peace and quiet. Being back in the water with Steve restored him to a state of complete peace that he had not felt in what seemed like forever. As the water sloshed against his tired body, he had the strange sensation that the Hawaiian water was washing away all his troubles and pain while he lay there. He wanted to stay there forever. It was as if he had left all of his problems on land and was now safe in water. When he considered returning to land, he felt a little scared because it meant returning to his problems, which he did not want to do. He knew he sounded like a child, but Steve had been telling him that for once in his life, he needed to be selfish. He only wanted peace, and the sea delivered it to him.

When he first entered the water, fear and terror filled his mind, just as they had when he first saw the tsunami wave approaching him and Chris. But as he entered the water, he felt a strange warmth, as if it were welcoming him back into its embrace. He felt so much calmer in the water, which was something he had been worried about losing after getting stuck in the wave. Prior to moving to Los Angeles, he found happiness in the water. He would have been a poor Seal if he had disliked water, but unlike the others, he had discovered that being in the water allowed him to finally let go of all emotions and simply be in the moment.

When Steve finally dragged him out of the water, Buck had to admit to himself that he felt a little waterlogged, but he didn't mind. He felt much calmer than he had before entering the water. Buck found himself laughing along with Steve's lame jokes that he had heard a hundred times as they dried off. It was then that Buck noticed the time on Steve's phone and realised they had been in the water for more than two hours; no wonder he felt waterlogged, but it was worth it.

Buck was about to ask him what he wanted to do for lunch when Steve's phone started ringing. They both froze for a second, staring down at the vibrating phone on the table. Steve quickly apologised and told him to go shower as he answered the phone. Buck smiled and nodded before going inside, leaving Steve alone with whoever had called him because he had not seen the caller ID.

Buck was still smiling as he walked upstairs and into the bathroom. He caught a glimpse of himself as he passed the bathroom mirror. He had done the same thing before leaving his flat in Los Angeles, and if he was honest with himself, he looked terrible back then. But seeing himself now, he realised he still had a long way to go before he was back to normal, but he could see the progress. His eyes weren't as drawn in, and he had a little more colour in him. Steve would say, 'He didn't look dead.' Not that he would say it to his face, but he knew it was correct. It was surprising how much better he looked despite only being in Hawaii for three days.

But it also scared him; what would he do once he was better? Steve would want his life back, and he'd be on his own again. He knew Steve would never abandon him or ask him to leave, but a small voice inside his head reminded him that Steve had his own life and didn't need to deal with his problems on top of that.

But he knew Steve wouldn't let him leave until he was healthy on the inside and out, and his doctor's statement that she wanted to keep an eye on him meant he wasn't allowed to be alone right now. But he needed to think about the future. He just wasn't sure where he'd fit in yet. As he turned on the shower, he let his mind drift back to his training for a quick shower. Get in, get cleaned, and get out. He knew Steve would want to shower before doing anything else, as attempting to dunk him resulted in sand in his hair. It appears that he committed a crime because of his actions.

As he dried himself off after a quick shower and put on some shorts, he froze when he saw the dark scars on his leg. He could not help but look at the scars. They were ugly and clear for everyone to see. He was worthless anyway since he couldn’t do anything right. He felt like he couldn't breathe and grabbed the counter to keep himself from collapsing.

How did his life get to this point?

He was ugly, hurt people he considered family, and was simply a disappointment. The dark thoughts hit him all at once, and he wondered if it would be better for everyone if he just ended everything. He felt tears fall down his cheeks and his knuckles turn white due to how tightly he gripped the counter. He despised himself so much now.

Maybe if he just held his breath long enough, he would just stop breathing altogether. Of course, he knew that Steve would mourn him, but he would move on just like they had done with all their losses. He wasn't special. And it wasn’t like he didn’t have his affairs on order because he had made sure after the bombing that everything was up to date and couldn’t be argued if someone tried. Everyone he was concerned about would be taken care of. So they no longer needed him. Everyone would be better off without him. He had no idea how long he had been standing there silently crying, trying to figure out if he could will his heart to stop, but that mindset was broken the moment he felt someone's arms around him, pulling him back onto the other man's chest.

His first instinct was to fight whoever had grabbed hold of him, as he remembered his training. He couldn't, however, break free from whoever was holding him. Buck continued to try to throw the other man off, but he couldn't. It was as if he was trapped in a vice, unable to break free.

At the same time, he felt safe in the arms of whoever he was with. And then it broke. All of his emotions rose to the surface, and he simply cried. He cried like he hadn't before. He was unable to stop it. He simply allowed everything to resurface and spill out. They stayed there for what seemed like an eternity, with whoever had him simply holding him as he let out his emotions. Didn't say anything or ask him what was wrong. They just held him.

Buck could feel his heart and breathing slowing as he relaxed, and when he opened his eyes, he found himself on the bathroom floor with someone still wrapped around his back. He was aware that he had suffered what was most likely a panic attack, but that was for another conversation. But he didn't want to talk because he was completely exhausted again. As he had done after his initial call to Steve.

He leaned back into the man's chest and inhaled deeply; he could smell Steve's aftershave mixed with the scent of the Hawaiian sea. Deep down, he knew Steve had discovered him and witnessed his breakdown. He felt horrible about putting him in that situation. He didn't deserve to deal with his emotionally broken brother. He had plenty on his plate.

Steve was the first to break the silence, simply muttering that he had him and was not about to let go. And he was grateful for that; he simply tried to bury himself deeper into Steve's chest, just as he had done when everything had fallen apart all those years earlier. Steve did not need this. He was simply taking up space in his life that someone else might require more.

He wasn't sure how long they'd been on the floor before his head cleared, but he could feel his buttocks becoming numb, so it had been a while. He knew they couldn't stay like this forever, and while he didn't want to leave Steve's arms, they had to get up.

As he moved away to get up, he felt Steve's hand on his arm. And as they both got to their feet, the hand wouldn't let go. Instead, it turned him, bringing him face-to-face with his older brother. Buck felt nothing but shame. Shame for his breakdown and causing Steve to see the pain in his brother's eyes.

All he could do was whisper an apology, but Steve ripped the back of his neck and pulled him into another hug. Thankfully, he did not cry this time. He felt like he had cried out. But he didn't understand why all of this emotion had flared up again. He remembered looking down at his leg, and then everything went fuzzy. He knew he was having a breakdown because of the banging headache of emotion he was experiencing right now, and he knew Steve would most likely force him to talk about it. But Steve only held him until he was ready to speak.

Buck sighed and backed away, but Steve didn't let go of him, allowing some space between them, but his hand never left his neck. Buck could not help but lean into it. He couldn't explain exactly why, but he felt safe.

"You have nothing to apologise for. We all have weak moments." Steve replied sternly. "All that matters is that you are my brother, and I love you. I will never abandon you. Remember to leave no man behind." Steve quickly added.

Buck couldn't speak for some reason; his headache was worsening, and all he wanted was another nap, but his brain was still running loops inside his skull, which he knew would keep him awake for a while longer.

"Headache?" Steve asked softly.

Buck simply nodded and then closed his eyes.

“How about a nap until lunch and some painkillers?” Steve inquired softly, but this time Buck felt his older brother move towards the guest room. As much as he wanted to argue with Steve, the plan sounded appealing.

Buck simply nodded and allowed himself to be helped onto the bed, took the two pain tablets that were brought to him, drank some water, and slowly slipped into darkness, all while Steve's hand remained around his neck.

-

Buck felt the entire world come back to him at once, but he couldn't bring himself to open his eyes. He wasn't sure how long he'd been sleeping, but he could still feel Steve's hand under his neck. He smiled slightly, thinking that Steve had stayed with him for however long he had slept and that if he had kept his hand under his neck, he must have been extremely uncomfortable.

He opened his eyes to see Steve staring at him from the edge of the bed. He could see the worry on his face and knew he must have terrified Steve when he walked into him, essentially having a panic attack over nothing.

"Are you okay?" Steve asked softly.

Buck nodded and pushed himself up to sit next to his brother, but Steve didn't let go of him. It was as if Steve was so concerned that he could disappear on him. He knew Steve would want to know what happened, but he didn't want to discuss it. He knew he'd have to do it eventually, but right now he just wanted to forget about it.

Steve seemed to read his mind, and instead of forcing him to speak, he simply pulled him into another hug. Buck allowed him to; he was still exhausted from his panic attack but feeling a little better. As his face came into contact with Steve's shoulder, he couldn't help but poke his brother's neck slightly. He wished he could always be this close to Steve because it made him feel completely safe. As a child would be when they clung to their parents for comfort.

They stayed there for he didn't know how long before he pulled away, giving Steve a soft smile. Steve nodded, silently telling him that they'd talk later because now wasn't the time. They sat there silently for a few minutes. During that time, Buck's main focus was on Steve's breathing and trying to match it, slowing his heart rate slightly.

"Fancy going for some lunch?" Steve asked softly, smiling slightly.

Buck smiled back and nodded, and was about to get up when he realised he was still half-dressed. Steve laughed a little and told him to get ready; he'd meet him downstairs. Buck knew Steve was leaving so he could have some privacy to prepare, but he didn't really need to because Steve had seen everything already.

When he was living with Steve, Steve went out with a girl and told him not to expect him back that night, so he invited his 'friend' over. Steve had walked in on them. Unfortunately, that was how he had come out to his older brother completely. They both agreed to never talk about that night again, despite the fact that Steve teased him privately for over a month as a result. But he was grateful that Steve showed him the respect of trusting him alone, as he had been concerned that Steve would think he would do something stupid if he was left alone, but he trusted him enough to allow him some alone time.

Buck couldn't be bothered changing his shorts, so he put on one of his packed t-shirts and socks, knowing that his trainers were downstairs. He then took out his wallet; he had a feeling Steve wouldn't let him pay, but he wanted to try because Steve had put him up for free. He then saw something on his bedside table, which caused him to freeze again. His phone.

He hadn't turned it back on since he arrived in Hawaii and had no desire to do so now, but he knew he'd soon have to confront his past. He needed to check in with the department because he would need to do so every week, but thankfully, he had requested that they check in on specific dates so that he only had to turn his phone on once and then turn it off.

“Ready to go?” Steve asked from behind him, interrupting his thought.

Buck turned and realised he had jumped a little at Steve's voice. He had no idea how long he had been standing there, lost in his own thoughts, looking at his phone, but Steve must have been concerned about him and come to find him. He turned and nodded, then picked up his jacket as he followed Steve down the stairs.

He didn't think much as he followed Steve through the house and out to Steve's truck; the truck was very much Steve, and when he first saw it, he had wanted to jokingly ask why it wasn't battleship grey, but he didn't feel like it. He climbed into the passenger seat without saying anything to Steve; it was as if he was on autopilot. He only needed to complete his tasks and that was it. He knew Steve had noticed it, and it was even more obvious when Steve climbed into his truck with a concerned expression.

Buck rested his head against the window as they left and Steve drove away. The pleasant cold sensation on his forehead felt good. It was calming, but it also kept him focused and prevented him from falling back into his thoughts. His eyes, on the other hand, were simply watching the world go by, which was calming, but he could still feel a sense of panic and pain deep inside. He simply wished it would go away.

They didn't say anything while driving, which made Buck feel bad because he was just listening to the radio on low volume. He hated himself for it; he knew he was making Steve worry even more because of his panic attack and refusal to talk, but he couldn't bring himself to admit what had happened. He also didn't want to admit to Steve how dark his thoughts had become again.

He needed to get better. He needed to improve. For Steven. For Christopher. For Athena, Michael, May, and Harry. For Denny. He could potentially help everyone in the future. And for himself. He knew Steve would point out that he had everything in the wrong order, but that was a conversation for another time.

With a deep breath, he pulled himself up and sat up straight in his seat. He needed to do it. He turned to face Steve, who was now paying close attention to him as they approached and came to a stop at a red light. He had no idea where they were; all he knew was that they were near the beach.

"So where are we going?" He inquired, attempting to maintain a normal tone of voice and regain control of his emotions.

Steve seemed to be studying him for a few minutes without saying anything. He was trying to figure out what was going on inside his head, which made him feel better. He would joke that it was just darkness in there, but he knew that would only make Steve worried. "You will have to wait to find out. Trust me a little." Steve finally responded with a smile.

Buck couldn't help but snort and shake his head when he heard the comment. "Not when the last time you told me to trust you when it came to food, I ended up with food poisoning from that street food place in the Philippines." He replied with a laugh. He trusted Steve with his life, those he cared about, and more, but he would never trust him with choosing a restaurant afterwards.

They were given a layover in the Philippines, which was incredible. Hell, he and his love had planned to have a romantic weekend while they were there, but it was not to be. They had met to get food, and Steve had found a street food place he wanted to try, which resulted in him being in the sick bay with an IV in place after suffering the worst food poisoning, he had ever experienced.

"That was one time," Steve groaned, only making Buck laugh a little harder.

"I ended up in the sick bay because of you, and it doesn't matter; I will never trust you again when it comes to food. I thought I'd die." Buck chuckled slightly and shook his head.

He thought he was going to die; he couldn't remember ever being so ill. He'd spent almost a week in sickbay recovering from that. A few weeks later, he joked to Steve that he had only learned two things from that layover: one, never trust Steve to choose where they ate again, and two, he had met the love of his life.

He hated thinking about the second point because everything had gone wrong just over two years later. He didn't regret how he felt for him or the memories he had made with their team, but he had had his heart broken, and it had never healed.

Steve sighed and shook his head, "Don't worry about it; my team and I eat here all the time, and no one has ever gotten sick."

Buck grinned and nodded, "Okay, if you say so, I'm sure it will be fine." And moved quickly before Steve could clip him on the ear with the final part of his comment. It was exactly what Steve had said before they went to eat there.

"Just trust me ok." Steve shook his head.

"Ok," Buck muttered, trying to suppress his laughter, but the look Steve gave him indicated that he had heard him.

They then fell silent for a while, and Buck returned to watching out the window. He then noticed the signs, which indicated that they were approaching the beach. He was a little confused about where they were going. He knew there were small restaurants near the beach where Steve was going, but when Steve got close to the beach, he had no idea where he was going.

“Where are we eating?” He inquired, perplexed, and concerned that Steve had misplaced it or was supposed to come to a halt before everything that occurred at the house.

"There," Steve said, pointing to something, and Buck had to lean forward to see more clearly through the windscreen. He then noticed the large food truck with a long queue of people waiting to order or collect their food.

“The food trucks?” Buck inquired but noticed Steve already climbing out of the truck, so he quickly followed suit.

"The best food on the island," Steve smiled, and Buck simply followed Steve as his brother began to approach it.

"Kamekona's Shrimp Truck," Buck read as they got closer, shaking his head at Steve's decision. He thought it was strange that they had just talked about bad street food, and Steve would take him to another street food place and tell him it was good.

"Yep, and you wouldn't be disappointed," Steve said with a grin, pulling him into a one-armed hug and directing him away from the queue and towards a park bench near the truck. Buck didn't argue with Steve, but rather allowed himself to be led there and pushed to one side of it, while Steve sat opposite him.

Buck shook his head at Steve's large grin, knowing that his brother was currently very pleased with himself for some reason, which scared him a little. That grin typically indicated that he was about to do or say something extremely stupid or dangerous, which frequently landed them in trouble. But before he could question him about it, a voice from behind him stopped him in his tracks.

"Aloha Big Kahuna you bring me another haole?" The voice said something, and Buck turned to see who spoke. He also knew some of the Hawaiian language, but not much. It was something he wanted to correct while he was here; another language to add to his repertoire.

"Kamekona aloha, meet my little brother Bomber," Steve said, smiling as he was pulled into a one-armed hug by a very large Hawaiian who clearly knew Steve well. Buck shook his head and gave Steve a look that said ‘really' when Steve addressed him by his nickname. He was proud of his abilities, but he was still adjusting to being used again. Perhaps he was just getting used to being around his brothers again.

"Brother, I didn't know you had another brother. But any brother of McGarrett is a brother to me." Buck realised that the man's name had to be Kamekona, and it was obvious to everyone that the man owned the food truck. The man's behaviour towards him demonstrated that he must trust Steve's judgement of people. It was also nice that someone other than his brothers treated him like he was normal. Hell, this man had no idea who he was, but he welcomed him because Steve trusted him. Calling him brother also made him feel warm, which he hadn't felt in a long time.

"Mahola," Buck said quietly but clearly enough for Kamekona and Steve to hear him. He recognised some of the common phrases and words, and he didn't want to offend Kamekona or Steve by saying something incorrectly. But he also felt wrong not to use the knowledge he had gained thanks to Steve, so he wanted to demonstrate that he knew a little bit of the language.

"Welina brother," Kamekona began, and Buck noticed the man's shaken and joyful expression. He was relieved that Kamekona did not interpret his attempt to use his language as disrespect towards him. Kamekona slapped his hands together and rubbed them. "…So two specials coming up then, I need someone to taste my new recipe."

"Just be careful with the heat brother, try not to kill us." Buck looked at Steve in response to his warning. He was back to worrying about where Steve had led him. He recognised Steve's look at Kamekona and knew there was a story there. Steve could handle his heat and spice, so telling Kamekona to be careful indicated that something had happened.

"No promises," Kamekona said with a chuckle before returning to the truck.

Buck shook his head and chuckled slightly at the situation Steve had gotten him into; he wasn't sure if he was prepared for it. Steve simply shook his head before returning to him and producing two bottles of water, one of which he nodded a thank you to, knowing that the conversation would most likely be awkward.

"You slept well last night?" Steve inquired after they had sat in silence for a few minutes.

Buck replied, "Yer, I did," but did not elaborate. He thought it was odd that Steve would ask him that when they had so much to talk about. Like his panic attack at home or what happened back in Los Angeles. But for some reason, Steve wanted to discuss whether he got enough sleep last night. Buck had to think back to this morning's conversation and couldn't remember if he had been asked that or not, but it still felt strange to ask now.

"Good, I'm glad," Steve spoke but did not continue.

Buck realised what Steve was doing: his brother had asked him to bring whatever he was thinking up to him rather than forcing him to speak. Which is exactly what he was thankful for. But discussing the panic attack didn't feel right just yet, primarily because he was still trying to understand it himself. He knew it was connected to his leg, but he couldn't recall what else he was thinking aside from wanting to end it all.

Instead of addressing the elephant in the room, he simply stated, "Thanks for being here for me."

He knew Steve would most likely complain about his need to constantly thank him for the smallest of things, as if dealing with him was difficult. But Buck couldn't help himself; all he could think about was how he had completely disrupted Steve's life by coming here. Hell, Steve had taken time off work to care for him when he could have been helping others.

"No thanks needed, brother, you know that," Steve said casually, opening his own water bottle and taking a long drink.

"I know, but still…" Buck spoke as he played with the bottle label, not looking at Steve. He could not. He knew Steve would not appreciate him sincerely thanking him, but he also remembered the first time he met Steve and how that chance meeting would lead to one of the longest and strongest bonds he had ever had with anyone.

“Would you do it for me?” Steve asked abruptly, stopping him in his tracks.

"Without a doubt." Buck spoke without having to think. Of course, he would do anything for his brother—or any of them. Without thinking. But this was different; he had caused the mess himself and should be able to deal with his own issues without involving his brothers. He should be better at it. He was a bloody Seal, for goodness’s sake, and yet he had run to Steve like a child when things became too much for him. Perhaps he was not worth it. Perhaps the person he was listed as in his Navy file died when his life fell apart, and he was simply going to drag everyone he knew down with him.

Did Steve recognise him anymore, or was he simply too broken for others to see?

"So there you go. So stop apologising." Steve shook his head once more.

They allowed themselves to fall back into silence, and Buck eventually unscrewed the bottle and drank. But when the water hit his mouth, he knew there was something in it, and that's when he realised the bottle hadn't been sealed when Steve handed it to him. He looked at Steve, who had an innocent expression, shrugged his shoulders, and simply said, "I put some electrolytes in it that I carry with me when I'm on cases. I knew you'd need something after swimming this morning."

Buck nodded and took another gulp; he knew Steve was only doing what he thought was right, and he was grateful to him for caring about him. The electrolytes weren't too bad either; he'd used some that tasted terrible like he was drinking seawater, but whatever Steve had used wasn't bad. It wasn't his usual, and the watermelon flavour wasn't something he'd go for, but it wasn't bad.

"So…" Buck broke the uncomfortable silence by asking, "What are your plans for the rest of the day?" He asked sheepishly. He had already caused so much drama today and didn't want to think about ruining Steve's plans, but he did want to know if there was any way to salvage the day at all.

Buck felt Steve carefully watching him as if he was looking for any signs of distress in him, which Buck knew there were. Hell, his muscles were still tight from the panic attack and hadn't relaxed yet. The only time he'd felt them completely relax was while in the water.

"We are going to eat and try not to die from whatever concoction Kamekona has prepared for us. Then maybe we'll go home and relax, but first, we need to stop at the store to get some groceries. I've pre-ordered some Hawaiian classics from my favourite restaurant that I think you'll enjoy and will need to pick up as well." Steve explained as if it were a normal day for him.

Buck nodded before asking a question that had been on his mind for a while but felt wrong to ask. "Do you know of any second-hand bookstores around here? And if so, can we go into one?"

The only thing he missed was reading. Another hobby he had nearly given up when he joined the LAFD. Of course, he read. The LAFD manuals, some research papers that piqued his interest, and the occasional book, but not in the way he normally reads. When left to his own devices, he could easily read twelve hardback books per week. Steve and the others used to joke that he could have opened a library with all of the books he had read, and he admitted to donating a large number of his used books to schools, public libraries, and others who wanted and needed them. It simply stated that it was the best way to give old books a new home without having to relocate them every time he moved. When he left the Navy, he was grateful that he only had three books left because the rest had been donated, making his departure much easier.

He also didn't read much at the station because once he was so engrossed in a really good book about the dam busters that Chimney made constant fun of him, causing him to lose his place several times. After failing to read the same page for over an hour due to Chimney's jokes and comments, he decided to call it a day and returned the book to his locker. Chimney thought he was too dumb to read anything other than children's books with lots of pictures.

He had wanted to snap at him that day and show him that he was the most qualified person there, but he thought, 'What's the point?' They would never believe him. He had a feeling Bobby would have called him out for lying. Bobby hadn't read his file before.

"I have a Kindle somewhere in one of my old bags that you can have, just order some books on that," Steve replied simply, shrugging his shoulders.

Buck seemed surprised by Steve's statement. He hadn't expected Steve to offer him a Kindle when he asked about going book shopping. He had considered getting a Kindle a long time ago, but he had been saving to buy a house and get married. But after that, he simply saved the money and donated it whenever he came across a cause he wanted to support. That, combined with his artwork profits, meant he had enough money to buy one, but he didn't.

"You sure?" He asked nervously. Using a Kindle would allow him to resume reading without having to search for a bookshop until he was ready to go out on his own, as Steve had once stated that taking him to a bookshop was a full-day affair because he had lost Buck in that shop for nearly an entire day. He apologised later, explaining that he was lost in his own thoughts while searching for the best book.

That day, he went home with ten different books because he couldn't decide which one he wanted. Steve had sworn then and there that he would never stay with him in a bookshop again and would only take him and pick him up, as he had left the shop eighteen times to find something to do but kept returning to see if he was finished.

"Yer," Steve said, shaking his head, and Buck knew he wanted to tell him that if he weren't certain, he wouldn't have offered. "I think Catherine got it for me one year and I barely use it," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

Buck paused for a moment and considered Steve's offer. He knew that using a Kindle meant that he could buy multiple books at once and be able to read wherever he was. He didn't have to worry about ruining any of his books because he liked to keep them in good condition to give to others. "Thanks, Steve." He replied with a soft smile.

Steve laughed quickly and said, "I forgot how much you read, I'm surprised you haven't raided my house for them."

Buck chuckled and shook his head without saying anything; if he was honest with himself, he had already looked through Steve's reading material and found little. "You already have, haven't you?" Steve then inquired before muttering something under his breath and laughing a little harder.

"Keeps me out of trouble," Buck explained before taking another drink. He began to feel a little sick as time passed. He was aware that he was most likely not eating enough and would need to take some painkillers. So he hoped he wouldn't end up throwing up his lunch because he didn't want to disrespect Kamekona.

"Yer, I remember," Steve said. "We've always known where you were. You were either reading or drawing." Steve added.

Buck's face fell slightly, and his mask slipped as he commented on the drawing. He missed drawing and reading a lot and had wanted to start again but never had the time. He could probably make time if he wanted to, but both hobbies evoked some very dark memories. Thankfully, reading was not as painful as drawing or painting, but it still reminded him of those times.

He had never finished a book in his life, and he had been reading it the night his life fell apart. It was a 1963 classic, and he had been enjoying it until he stopped. He had no idea where the book went after losing the love of his life. He didn't feel like ordering another copy so he could finish it.

"Don't do that much anymore," Buck muttered, returning to playing with his bottle's label and avoiding Steve's gaze.

"Why not?" Steve, slightly concerned, inquired, "You used to love it." He then added.

"Just don't feel like it…" Buck nearly snapped at his brother. And immediately felt terrible about it. "Do we really need to talk about this?" He then complained that this was a topic he preferred to avoid right now.

But the look Steve gave him indicated that he was not angry with him for snapping at him, but it also indicated that he would have to deal with this line of questioning for a little longer. "Yes, you loved painting. Hell, when you got in the zone..." Steve asked Buck if he understood what he was saying, but he quickly responded with a 'you know what I'm on about' look and added, "A bloody bomb could go off next to you and you wouldn't realise. Nothing could break you out of it unless it was me or..." But he stopped himself from finishing.

Buck recognised the name Steve was about to say and was relieved that his brother had stopped himself from finishing his sentence. Maybe he wasn't as over his ex-fiancé as he wanted to be, but he didn't want to think about the person who shattered his heart when he already felt worthless.

"It feels wrong…" Buck sighed before completing his explanation. "… painting, I mean." He finished with a shrug. "I was in a dark place when I finished my last collection and…"

However, he found himself tapping out and unable to find the right words. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe normally again. He despised this topic and how he felt about it. Mr Sanderford stated that his last collection was his best seller and that his first prints of the originals sold for three times as much as his previous collection. But he wasn't proud of them, despite having sent some of them to his brothers as first prints, or originals in Sam's case. But every time he looked at them, he remembered the pain he felt back then. He despised how dark his mind had become after painting them and refused to return to it. Not again.

"You don't want to go back there?" Steve asked softly, and before he opened his eyes, he noticed Steve had shuffled closer to him and felt Steve's hand rest on his forearm. He knew Steve was concerned about him back then and now, but he wasn't sure how much he should tell him about his time there. Having to admit to his older brother that he wanted to die when he left, and Steve had allowed it.

Hell, he had only left Steve so he could kill himself without fear of his brother discovering his body, and then he had agreed to Steve's promise, which was the only reason he hadn't carried out his plan.

"I was ready to throw myself off a cliff if you must know, I just…" Buck whimpered and felt his eyes well up with tears once more. Buck forced his eyes open as he felt Steve's hand grip his arm tightly, revealing Steve's worry and fear on his face.

"You should have called me," Steve said sternly yet softly. Steve has now been very careful with his words; Buck assumed that Steve was concerned that if he said the wrong thing, he would fall back into that mindset.

"It wouldn't have helped," Buck admitted, shaking his head. "I didn't want to bother you and…" He then paused and shook his head more violently, as if to clear his mind of those thoughts. He then took a deep breath and bit into his lip to keep his tears from falling before saying, "I'm fine now, but that feeling is always there whenever I pick up a brush." He eventually admitted.

He took a deep breath once more. "I tried after going to LA but every time I thought about picking up a brush it felt wrong, so I backed out." And he wasn't lying to Steve about that; he had tried to pick up a brush and even purchased a small painting set when he arrived in LA, but when he sat down to paint, he couldn't bring himself to do it. He just felt ill, and his mind went into a dark place.

When Buck didn't add anything else to his comment, he could see the clogs in Steve's head and couldn't help but think Steve was thinking about something. Whatever it was, he didn't think he'd like it.

"Why don't you try again while I am here? Be there if it happens again." Steve asked innocently.

Buck considered Steve's statement and wondered if his idea would work. The truth was that he loved and missed painting; it had been his passion for so long that it felt strange not to be doing it anymore, even if it made him afraid of being consumed by the darkness again. Maybe having Steve here would prevent that from happening again, or perhaps simply feeling safe for the first time in a long time would be enough to get him back to painting.

"I'll think about it…" He muttered softly, aware that he would have to think carefully about this. He just didn't want to get hurt again and ruin his chances of resuming his favourite activities.

"Boss!" A voice shouted, causing them both to jump slightly and turn to see where the voice had come from. Unlike before, the voice came from where they'd parked. The voice came from a woman being followed by a man, both clearly cops based on their badges, and Buck recognised them after a few seconds. Photos from Steve's house. If he recalls correctly, the woman was Kono, and the man behind her trying to keep up was Chin. He remembered Steve telling him that they were cousins and trusted friends of Steve. Based on what Steve told him, they were essentially family.

"Friends of yours?" Buck inquired with a smile but then found himself laughing slightly at Steve's expression, and even more so when Steve sank his head against the table.

"Something like that," Steve murmured. He raised his head and offered him an apology.

"Hi boss, funny running into you here," Kono said happily as she sat next to Steve, and Chin joined Buck on his side.

Buck felt panicked when he did that, but he tried not to show it as Chin sat down. At that moment, he reviewed everything Steve had told him about the two cousins and concluded that Steve trusted them. They wouldn't have been asked to join his task force unless Steve trusted them.

He remembered hearing that Chin had worked for HPD for a while before leaving due to false accusations about taking money from a crime scene. But based on what Steve had told him, he believed he had been set up because Steve's father had trained Chin as a rookie, making it highly unlikely that Chin had done what he was accused of.

And he knew Kono had never worked with HPD because she graduated while working for Steve. But Buck could tell that the two cousins were not only good people, as Steve would not tolerate bad people around him, but they were also great cops, so he had to be cautious. He didn't want anyone else to worry about him; Steve and Sam were enough. But the side looks he was getting from Chin indicated that the older man had figured out what was going on. Thankfully, Chin said nothing.

"Hi Kono, Chin…" Steve said with a groan, shaking his head at Buck, who smiled slightly. Steve then looked around and behind him, clearly searching for someone."…where's Danny?" He then questioned Chin, who smiled softly. Buck could not help but notice that Steve and Chin appeared to be having a silent conversation, which worried him. Deep down, he knew Steve and Chin's quiet conversation was about him. But he didn't ask because he didn't want to continue the previous conversation.

"He's coming," Chin said, nodding towards the parked cars. "…he's on the phone with Rachel." He finished with a shrug.

"That's fun for him," Steve muttered, shaking his head.

Buck remembered what Steve had said about his partner. Danny had worked as a police officer in Jersey before moving to Hawaii to be closer to his daughter after his ex-wife relocated there. He admired Danny for doing so; he didn't know many parents who would abandon their careers in one location to be present in their daughter's life. He felt his heart twinge slightly; he could only imagine having a parent like that himself. Instead, he was left alone with his nightmares and had to care for himself.

"You going to introduce us, brother?" Chin interrupted Buck's train of thought.

He looked up and saw that everyone was staring at him, which made him want to shrink back into himself. He had always despised being the centre of attention, and he hated it even more when others forced him to be. Steve, on the other hand, nodded, as if granting him permission not to speak if he so desired.

"Chin, Kono met my little brother Bomber, who is staying with me for a while," Steve explained, pointing to Buck as he spoke. Buck could detect warmth in Steve's voice as he said his name. Buck simply had to bite his lip to keep his emotions under control when he made his statement. For some reason, hearing Steve call him brother in front of strangers made him believe that Steve was not ashamed to introduce him as his brother to his friends and colleagues. Buck could tell, however, that Steve had not openly told them that they had serviced together, but rather had done so in the usual way, by using his nickname.

"Aloha, welcome to Hawaii," Kono said, nodding at him. He could tell Kono was the youngest in the group and felt a connection to him. He was the youngest member of his Seal team and was commonly referred to as the Kid until he was given the nickname Bomber. He understood the pressure that came with being the youngest, and he could tell that, while Steve would never treat her differently because of his age, he was more protective of her as a result. Just as if he were with him.

"Thanks," Buck said softly before returning to playing with his bottle's label, which caused him to shake his hands slightly.

"How's living with Steve?" Buck looked up to see her grinning at him and knew there was a story behind her question, but before he could ask, Steve scoffed at her comment.

"Hey, I am a great host!" Steve cried, and Buck couldn't help but laugh at the shocked expression on Steve's face as she asked her question.

"Sure, boss," Kono said with a laugh, and Buck found himself smiling as she rolled his eyes at Steve.

Buck knew Kono was just teasing Steve with her comments, but he had a feeling there was something there when she asked him what living with Steve was like, so he made a mental note to ask about it later when he and Steve were alone. He did not want to offend Steve in front of his teammates. He needed to make sure he was respectful to them because they didn't know him and had only been friendly because of Steve.

That thought, however, began to play in his mind; he knew that they were only friendly to him because of his brother, so did that mean that if Steve was not present, he would be alone? They most likely would not have bothered him. He had nobody.

"It's been good, I went swimming this morning," Buck said, clearing his mind and shrugging his shoulders, defending Steve slightly.

"You ever surfed?" Kono asked excitedly, and Chin groaned next to him. He had the impression that Kono's question had become a regular occurrence whenever someone new entered their grounds. But the question also reminded Buck of something he had been thinking about since first seeing Kono's photo, and especially since she had sat down: he knew her from somewhere.

It took him a few minutes and her asking the question to figure out why his mind was doing that. During one of his recovery periods after being barred from entering the water due to his stitches, he found himself sitting and reading a surfing magazine that someone had found for him. He remembered reading a small article about a semi-pro surfer who had to retire due to an injury. That semi-professional surfer's name was Kono. He read up on her later and felt sorry for her. Losing a dream like that would have been difficult.

He had always enjoyed surfing, and whenever he could get out on his board, he was overjoyed. He remembered taking a trip during one of his breaks and spending the entire week surfing when the waves were good. And on the fourth day, he was approached by a recruiter who asked if he had ever considered going pro. He never thought he was good at surfing; he just did it to enjoy the water more. He had thanked the man, but he was committed to the Navy and his team, so he had declined. He joked about it with Steve later, but that was it.

Steve laughed at the question before Buck could respond, "Has he?" He shook his head and added, "He could have gone pro at some point."

"I'm not that good, Steve," Buck interrupted. He knew he was good, but he never imagined he was at the pro level. But it didn't matter; he couldn't surf like that anymore. Not with his leg.

"I'll have to see for myself then, wouldn't I?" Kono replied with a grin. Buck described her excitement as that of a child on Christmas.

"Kono was about to go pro but blew her knee out," Chin explained, but Buck wasn't going to go all fan boy on her because after reading that article, he went back through all her old videos that had been posted online and realised she was extremely talented.

Buck said, "I'm sorry," and he meant it.

"Thank you; I got over it and joining HPD and 5-0 helped. We will need to hit the waves, while you're here." Kono replied with a grin.

"I'm game," Buck said, grinning along with her. He missed surfing as much as he did all of his other hobbies, but he hadn't been on a board in a long time, and with his leg so bad, he didn't think he'd ever be able to get back on one. Nonetheless, he was willing to try. He wanted some of his life back.

"That doesn't stop her from trying to pull the same stupid things Steve does," Chin said, shaking his head as if he were the only adult at the table, and Buck understood what he meant.

Buck was well aware of Steve's crazy stunts, which were legendary. Even though some of his plans were insane, they were necessary at the time. They had completed missions that were previously deemed impossible to complete.

"What?" Buck inquired, turning to Chin with a smile indicating that he completely understood where he was coming from, "Do something so stupid that it could have killed or seriously hurt them?" He then asked, glancing at Steve with an innocent grin.

"So he hasn't changed that much then, has he?" Chin laughed, and Buck knew he wasn't expecting an answer to his question. His simple statement was enough to convince him that Steve had not changed at all, implying that Chin was intimately familiar with Steve's crazy plans.

But before Buck could respond, Steve snapped him on the forearm, directing his attention back to Steve, who appeared amused and pleased with his sudden change of behaviour when the attention was not on him but still maintained a fake hurt expression. "Hey! "Shut up, Bomber!" Steve said before gripping his arm once more, but not in a painful way. A way that told him that he was still here, and it was all real, which meant Steve had caught his early relapse back into the darkness, and it told him that he would be fine.

Steve had used a similar tool in the field. Even if he pretended to be fine while Steve knew he wasn't, he'd make sure he knew he was there. "…you can't talk Bomber; you are worse than me sometimes." He continued, hoping to lighten the mood a little more.

"No comment," Buck spoke quickly, prompting everyone at the table to laugh aloud.

But before anyone else could say anything, another man joined them, and Buck recognised him immediately. Steve showed him pictures of his partner. Another reason he wanted to meet Danny was to see how much Steve had changed. It was very subtle, but it was present. Steve had calmed down and matured much more than he had anticipated. He knew Danny was to blame, and he was relieved to see that Steve had finally begun to calm down with Danny's assistance.

"Hey Danny, have you met Bomber?" Chin asked, pointing at him. Buck felt himself freeze slightly at the statement. Will he make a fool of himself in front of Steve's partner and friend? Someone who had become as close to Steve's family as he had. He could not disappoint Steve. Not after all he'd done.

"No. Not yet. Nice to finally meet you." Danny said this while holding out his hand for him to shake.

Buck quickly shook it and cursed himself for not wiping it, as he could almost see the sweat on his palm. "It's nice to put a face to the name, Steve talks all about you all the time." Buck managed to speak, but each word felt like he was swallowing his tongue. He simply didn't want to put his foot in it.

Danny scolded and shook his head, muttering under his breath before turning and staring at Steve for a few seconds. Buck truly believed he had done something wrong during those intense seconds. Perhaps he said something he shouldn't have, and he went over every word he said to see if anything had been misinterpreted. But his mental breakdown was cut short when Danny returned his attention to him.

"Don't believe anything this Neanderthal tells you," Danny repeated, shaking his head.

Buck tried not to look at Danny at all, but then he heard Chin and Kono chuckle at what he assumed was normal partner bickering, as it appeared that he had missed part of their conversation while lost in his thoughts.

"Here you go, my best spicy shrimp!" Steve and Danny's argument came to an end when Kamekona set down two large trays of shrimp mixed with salad. It looked stunning, but there was enough food to feed a small army or four hungry seals.

"And how spicy is it?" Kono asked almost hesitantly as if she was afraid to ask.

Buck looked around and saw the worry on everyone's faces. He could normally handle spicy foods and preferred those with a good kick. Maybe that's why Abuela enjoyed cooking with him so much: she could teach him her recipes the way they were meant to be. He remembered Abuela once complaining that Eddie and Chris had lost their spicy tongues because neither could handle the heat of some of her more spicy dishes, whereas he enjoyed them.

"It wouldn't kill you," Kamekona said with a shrug.

"That's comforting." Chin sighed, and Buck could tell he was hesitant to try the food.

"It can't be that bad," Buck said, picking up one of the shrimps and essentially forcing them all to try it. Steve, Kono, and Chin all picked up one of the shrimps, while Danny did not bother. It was as though they were his Guinea pigs.

"Famous last words," Danny remarked, shaking his head.

At the same time, everyone tried it except Danny.

Within seconds, both Steve and Kono began choking on the spicy, while Chin was more discreet, but Buck could tell he wasn't enjoying it. However, when Buck tasted it, he noticed an initial hit of the spicy, but there was also a fruity flavour that worked well with the shrimp.

"Oh my god what the hell?" Steve spoke after drowning the rest of his water and sticking his tongue out to cool it down with air.

"Maybe a little too much spice, bro," Chin said, trying to hide his cough.

Buck could see Danny laughing his head off at what must have been the sight of them, but Buck didn't think they were particularly bad. Sure, they were spicy, but not unbearably so. Or at least for him. "It's not that bad," Buck said, shrugging his shoulders and taking another bite. He was having fun, but when he looked up, he noticed that all of the shocked faces were now staring at him. "It's got a good kick to them." He then added, taking another and popping it into his mouth.

"You are so related to Steve, neither of you are human." Danny moaned.

"At last, a haole who can appreciate good food," Kamekona exclaimed, and judging by his demeanour, he wasn't used to people reacting this way to him.

"Bomber how are you eating this?" Steve inquired as if he was wondering if he had lost his mind.

"It's not that bad," Buck scoffed, continuing to eat. Suddenly, he was hungry again, and the sickness he had previously felt had gone.

"You are always welcome here," Kamekona said as he patted him on the back before leaving them alone, muttering about finally meeting someone who enjoyed spice like him.

"Mahola," Buck said before Kamekona left and returned to eating.

"He is so your brother," He heard Danny mutter, and when he looked up, he noticed Danny and Steve had resumed their argument. He had no idea what it was about; he was just going to sit back and watch it, hoping to figure out what he had missed when Kono caught his eye.

Steve and Danny appeared to be so preoccupied with their own conversation that they were no longer paying attention to others. "So you got any juice stories about McGarrett that we can hear about?" Kono asked.

Buck laughed. He understood what she was trying to say. Kono wanted to know the stories that Steve would never tell them: "You want blackmail material or just more crazy ideas?" He asked innocently. He knew he had a huge collection of Steve stories, but he wanted to know which ones they wanted to hear.

"Both!" Chin and Kono both said it at the same time, and the three of them began to laugh.

Buck simply looked back at Steve, who was still arguing with Danny about something, and realised how beautiful and close Steve's new family was, how they were acting with us demonstrated that they had not only greeted him like family but also saw him as family without expecting anything in return. He did not need to bend or break himself for them. They just wanted to get to know him and treated him like any other family member who had been gone for a while and was now back. Perhaps this was what he was searching for. Perhaps he could see himself living here with Steve and his new family for the long term.

Maybe?

Chapter Text

God, he wanted to die.

Kyle had the worst headache ever, and he hadn't even opened his eyes. However, based on previous experiences, he knew that doing so would result in an even greater headache if that was possible. He also felt as if he moved an inch in bed, he would vomit up whatever was remaining in his stomach. He remembered eating some pizza last night, but he couldn't recall if he had already thrown it up or if he had eaten more.

Why had he agreed to go drinking with part of the crew after working three days in a row? He knew he should have stayed at home because they had been on back-to-back calls for all three shifts with little sleep. So, when he went home, he just wanted to sleep for a week. But he also enjoyed socialising with the crew outside the fire station, so he decided to go out.

But looking back, even though he felt terrible, he was pleased he did because else he would not have met the most scorching hot guy he had ever encountered. The man was currently lying on his back with his muscular, thick arm draped across his stomach. God, he thought he had imagined he had won the lotto when the stranger had shown interest in him. He was used to being ignored by most people when they went out. Despite his youth, good looks, and blonde hair, he had one major disadvantage: he was gay. He had discovered over time that the folks who liked him in that way seemed to enjoy the concept of him but couldn't handle the task. Or he simply desired a one-night stand with someone other than himself. Sure, he'd slept with people before, but he despised the idea of a one-night stand; it felt like he was using others, or they were exploiting him.

However, the guy he met last night felt different. The man understood him, a fellow firefighter who was also a pilot. Which simply made him think he was even hotter, and then they began conversing. After an hour, he had no idea where the other guys had gone, and he didn't care. He was so focused on the man in front of him that he couldn't stop himself from smiling.

Kyle sighed softly, hoping not to wake the other man, and opened his eyes to feel a sharp crack in his skull. His headache was awful, but not as bad as he expected. And he had not felt ill. Thank God.

He looked around and noticed their discharged clothes lying on the floor, and he smiled as the memories from the night before returned to him. He had no idea he was a sub, but he enjoyed being pinned down on the bed. If the other man wanted to do this again, he was very interested in exploring a dom and sub relationship, which may sound unusual to some, but he didn't mind.

Kyle then began to focus on what his body was telling him, and he realised how much he had enjoyed last night. His arms felt tense as if he had been hanging onto something, and his thighs were somewhat tight, as if he was gripping onto something. It then moved down to his bum, where he felt a warm, sore, and wet sensation. Slowly, he moved his arm without disturbing the other man's arm, reaching around to feel just around his hole. At first, he assumed they hadn't done it, but then his finger brushed over something damp. Oh, God, he understood what that was right then, and it made him slightly horny.

As he massaged his finger into the other man's cum, his mind began to flicker with recollections of the previous night, which he enjoyed. He remembered how strong the other man genuinely was; he had pinned him to the bed and forced him to take it. God, he remembered losing his mind over how perfect the man felt inside him. He wanted it again, to be controlled, and then, without thinking, he slipped his finger into himself and couldn't stop moaning. He was still very full, which made him want more.

But when he felt the other man move, he couldn't do anything but freeze. He swiftly pulled his finger out of himself and pretended to be still sleeping. He didn't want to wake up because it meant their night was over and he didn't know where they stood. Sure, they had slept together, but that didn't imply they'd start seeing each other, no matter how much he wanted to.

Kyle laid there for a few seconds, expecting the other man would go back asleep, but he found himself smiling as he felt the other's lips on his neck. He was aware that the other man knew he was awake, and he couldn't help but move his neck to give him more access. And he was not disappointed. The man continued to kiss his neck, feeling himself drawn back into his chest. Not that he was complaining, but it felt strange at first, but then a warm sensation returned. He couldn't help but be thrilled to be in his arms again.

"Morning," Kyle murmured, turning slightly to glimpse the other man's face for the first time since the previous night.

He was aware that his name was Tommy. He was a firefighter and pilot for the Los Angeles Fire Department, but he didn't know much else about the man, which he regretted because he was fantastic. He knew he was older than him, but he wasn't sure by how much. He could see hints of grey in Tommy's short hair, but he found it appealing; evidently, he had a thing for a silver fox. Who knew?

"And a good one at that," Tommy whispered, drawing him into a kiss.

Kyle couldn't help but hope the kiss didn't have to end, and he did his best to keep their lips connected, but they needed to breathe. Sadly. As they parted ways, he couldn't help but stare into Tommy's eyes, wondering if they could stay in bed forever.

"We still on for dinner on Saturday?" Tommy asked, kissing his bare shoulder.

Kyle couldn't help but chuckle at his actions; this man was perfect for him. It was then that he remembered Tommy asking him on a date before they ended up in bed together, and he remembered feeling the butterflies in his stomach when he was asked. Kyle found the prospect of spending more time with Tommy fascinating and asked, "Yer, if you want to?" Kyle responded with a smile and a nod, but he couldn't stop smiling.

"Yer?" Tommy questioned, and a smile spread across his face.

Kyle simply nodded before pulling Tommy back into a kiss, this time allowing Tommy to push him back into the bed as they began their make-out session. He felt like he was in heaven, and he wanted to ask him if he was interested in a dom/sub relationship later, but he wasn't going to stop right now. He'd be unwise to do so.

They were all engrossed in the moment, and Kyle could feel himself getting harder and Tommy doing the same. God, he loved this man, but he was not going to tell him just yet. He knew better than to admit to a man he had just slept with and arranged their first date that he was falling in love with him.

Then... Bang, Bang, Bang!

The abrupt noise prompted them to split apart with a shock.

They just looked at each other, not knowing where the noise had come from because they had been lost in their own little bubble. Kyle wishes they could return, too.

The noise repeated itself - Bang, Bang, Bang!

"What the hell?" Kyle stated as they both sat up that the noise was coming from his front door. The noise did not stop, but rather continued. It sounded like someone was attempting to burst through his front door. He became irritated when someone interrupted their morning.

"You got a girlfriend I need to know about?" Tommy asked with a grin.

Kyle only frowned at him, hitting him in the shoulder as he answered the inquiry. "Shut up!" He said with a chuckle, knowing Tommy was aware that he was gay, as he had stated clearly last night, but he found the comment amusing. He'd only been in the apartment for a few days, so whoever was knocking on the door most certainly wasn't for him.

As the banging continued, he shoved Tommy away from him playfully, and Tommy laughed along. Kyle got out of bed and was going to head downstairs to yell at whoever was knocking on his door.

"You going to answer the door like that?" Tommy asked with a smirk.

Kyle halted and looked down, realising he had planned to open the door naked. "Crap." He said as he picked up some joggers from a chair near the stairs and a t-shirt that had been left on the floor. He wasn't sure if it was Tommy's or his, but he didn't care. He only wanted whoever was hammering on his door to quit. However, he turned to give Tommy a short kiss before going downstairs to deal with the insane person at the door.

"Alright, I'm coming." He snapped as he moved to the door, picking up the keys that he had tossed on the unit when they arrived home last night, taking the door off the latch, and ripping open the door to be confronted by a woman with a scowl and angry eyes.

It took him a few minutes to really comprehend what was going on; he had never seen this woman before and wanted to simply tell her to fuck off so he could return to Tommy, but he hadn't met many people in the building yet. This could have been one of his neighbours coming to tell him something or complain to him. However, the fire in her eyes just served to remind him that she was not here to converse like regular people. And he wished it was a nightmare and he could wake up in bed with Tommy.

"Can I help you?" Kyle asked, trying to seem as regular as possible while his head was screaming for him to lash out at her for bothering him.

"Where's my brother?" The woman demanded.

Kyle's thinking froze at that exact moment. What the hell was this woman talking about? At first, he assumed this woman was Tommy's brother, but then he remembered one of their drinking games and realised Tommy was an only kid, so that wasn't right. And then he reasoned that perhaps this woman was simply misplaced and had chosen the wrong flat. The building was divided into various units, and he had only met a few of them since moving in. Natalia and Miss Herriot were two people he had grown to love as if they were family, and it was all because of Buck. However, over the last few days, he had gotten to know some of his neighbours, but not all. However, if this woman lived in the building, she would have known which flat to go to and would not have behaved like a crazy lunatic banging on some guy's door.

"Who's your brother?" Kyle inquired, hoping to receive at least that answer so he could steer this woman away and leave him alone.

"Stop being foolish! Tell me now! He lives here." Kyle was confident that the woman had also snarled at him after snapping violently at him.

And suddenly it struck him. Kyle knew who was starting in front of him, and he couldn't help but feel a mix of rage at the woman and sympathy for Buck for having to cope with her growing up. He didn't know much about the woman save that she was Buck's older sister who had shown up unexpectedly and broken into her brother's home. He had learnt that from a friend, who had heard about it from another buddy, but that wasn't important.

"You're Maddie," he eventually stated aloud after noticing a set of keys within his lock and realising she had most likely attempted to break in before beating on his door.

Right then, he wanted to kiss Buck for changing the locks before he moved in since the notion of this woman walking into his flat while he and Tommy were too preoccupied with one other made his skin crawl.

"Answer my question right now before I call the cops," Maddie hissed back at him.

Kyle was getting bored with this situation; he suspected Buck had not wanted to notify anyone he was going. He'd just packed up and left. He had found it weird that none of the 118, let alone his family, had assisted him in his move. He could understand the 118 because there were a lot of rumours going around about Buck and the 118's relationship being strained. However, after his brief meeting with her, he understood why Buck left the way he did. The woman was unstable.

"I live here," Kyle replied with a shrug.

That statement was shocking to her, as seen by the expression on her face as he stated it. It reminded him of the meme with the white cat sitting at the table, appearing astonished at something. He would have laughed had he not been interrupted. Kyle felt that this horrified state was taking too long, and all he wanted to do was close the door and leave her dazed on the doorstep, but he knew that if he did, she would most likely begin beating on the door again.

"No…" Maddie finally began to speak, but Kyle became concerned about the expression on her face. He even took a step back in case she reacted negatively. He didn't expect her to hit him, but he'd seen that insane look before from one of his aunts before she laid someone down. "No, you don't. My brother does," she concluded.

Kyle felt like this was becoming a broken record, and he knew Maddie wouldn't trust him no matter what. Of course, he couldn't tell her where Buck was because he wasn't sure. I didn't have any method to contact him. A part of him wondered if this was the aim. Had Buck been ready for this, which is why he hadn't told him?

"Not anymore," Kyle responded with a smug smirk; he knew she was going to hit the roof, but she had utterly ruined his day and what had been a great morning until she came and pounded on his door.

"No! He knows he can't do that. That is it! I'm calling the cops." Maddie shrieked as she took out her phone.

"Fine whatever you want," Kyle shrugged, knowing he couldn't stop her from calling the cops. He had all the documentation proving that he was legally renting this place in the flat safe, which Buck had advised him to keep in his flat. Another thing he needed to thank him for later. Kyle couldn't be bothered dealing with Maddie any longer, so he just closed the door but left the locks turned on. He could hear her speaking with the 9-1-1 operator, but he didn't care. He was hungover, exhausted and still a touch horny thanks to Tommy.

But then he felt himself flinch a little as Maddie started banging on his door again, but he wasn't bothered and walked away. He only needed coffee, so he started walking into the kitchen to get a pot made. He wanted some paracetamol to relieve his persistent headache.

"What is going on?" Tommy's voice halted him before he could go any further into the kitchen. He turned to see Tommy walking down the stairs in jeans and bare chest and discovered he was wearing Tommy's t-shirt. He smiled and laughed at how dumb or lost in thought he was as he threw it over his head, realising it was far too big for him. He could also see the worry on Tommy's face, and it made him feel warm inside. He understood; Tommy would have heard all of Maddie's screams without being able to see him. It was sweet.

"Buck's crazy assed sister is looking for him," Kyle muttered as he quickly started his coffee maker and reached for his coffee cup, which was still in the sink from the day before. What happened to him this morning? He wanted nothing more than to return to bed with Tommy, but he knew he had to stay away to deal with the cops who were almost certainly on their way.

"Wow," was all Tommy could say. Kyle did not blame him. He was still surprised by the situation, but it was happening.

"Yep, coffee?" Kyle inquired as he had already gone to take another cup without asking but had stopped himself to ask Tommy. He didn't want to assume Tommy wanted coffee; perhaps he simply wanted his t-shirt back and to leave so he wouldn't get embroiled in whatever was going on with Buck's sister.

"Please," Tommy said, smiling. Kyle could feel the warmth inside of him growing stronger for this man. So, he started making coffee and gathered a few items as he went. He had no idea how Tommy drank his coffee and hoped he didn't like alternative milk, which he didn't have. He only had conventional cow's milk in the fridge. Thankfully as he went to get a spoon, Tommy had already put some milk into his cup, so he didn’t need to ask.

"I don't know how Buck dealt with her," Kyle spoke as he poured coffee into both of their cups. His relationship with his parents fell apart after he came out, but they had apologised and were gradually working on their relationship even to this day. It wasn't terrific, but they were attempting to improve. And his brother and sister-in-law had saved him and would continue to support him no matter what. But the thought that he could have grown up with a sister like Maddie scared the hell out of him. He didn't know the whole story, but he thought it was strange that the woman thought she could dictate her brother's life. Hell, she had wanted to just push her way into the flat without a second thought, and he knew that the only reason she hadn't tried was that he had answered the door, which must have surprised her.

The two stood silently while Maddie continued to hammer on the door. Kyle was quick to turn on some music or the television to drown out the noise, which was not helping his headache at all, and he could tell Tommy was feeling the same way based on the few winces he saw on his face. He swiftly walked around his kitchen, gathering the much-needed pain relief that they both required and handed Tommy two tablets while rapidly dry swallowing his own. He hastily drank more coffee, hoping that the caffeine would get the painkillers to work faster so that his head wouldn't burst.

Tommy nodded in appreciation and mimicked him on the action; they were both hoping that the pain treatment would work quickly because Maddie didn't seem to be stopping her hammering anytime soon. Tommy eventually spoke after five minutes, and fresh coffee had been poured into both of their cups before turning to face the front door.

"She's not stopping, is she?" He inquired since Maddie seemed unwilling to stop banging.

Kyle groaned and felt sorry for Tommy, who was now confined in his flat with him until the authorities arrived and dealt with the crazy woman at his door. Tommy didn't deserve this; perhaps he thought he wasn't worth all the bother, and if that was the case, he would make sure Maddie was charged with anything he could to harm his future chances. "Said she was phoning the cops." He added without meaning it. It wasn't like he was going to be in trouble for living in his own flat, but he did believe his other neighbours didn't want to be woken up by some crazy lady banging on his door.

"And what if they are knocking?" Tommy inquired, staring towards the door.

Kyle snorted at the question, but he knew Tommy had a point. They may be sitting here enjoying their coffee when cops knock on his door. He didn't want to be in trouble for ignoring the officers who were merely doing their jobs, but he also didn't want to have to constantly check the peephole to ensure that the banging wasn't from the cops. It was then that he remembered Buck's parting gift to him and thanked the gods that he had fixed his login before leaving.

Buck had installed a camera doorbell for him before departing, explaining that it was for apartment security and part of his contract with the insurance company to rent the building out. He had access and control, but he stated that he would only review the footage if it was required for a claim. Kyle trusted him when he said he had given him complete access to the camera and had only requested the login information when it was set up. He even paid for the professional setup and subscription.

He promptly grabbed his phone from the couch, where he had evidently tossed it the night before in his eagerness to go upstairs, and opened the camera app, grinning like a Chester cat at the video. He didn't glance up from the video until Tommy's hand touched his forearm. He looked up and noticed Tommy's bewildered expression. Kyle grins as he turns his body so Tommy can see the footage. Looking through the phone, he saw no indication of the cops, only a red-faced, irritated Maddie hammering on his door.

"Nice," Tommy observed with a grin as they saw Maddie's demand grow over time.

Kyle was just concerned about any harm Maddie could have to his front door and the potential damage she could have caused trying to force her keys into his lock since he could see from the film that the keys were still there. Maddie had not pulled them out for some reason. He just hoped to God they weren't stuck there because he didn't want to have to contact the building manager to get a new lock installed after Buck had already spent the money changing it.

"Yer, I know. Buck installed it for me and said I could have full access to it." Kyle added that he understood he didn't need to explain anything to Tommy, but he was aware that there were still many rumours floating around regarding Buck, and he wasn't sure where Tommy stood on the issue.

Tommy remarked, "That's nice of him," and Kyle could tell he meant it.

"Yer, best landlord I've ever had. I was shocked that he owned the place outright and grateful that he said he wanted to rent it out to someone who he knew would appreciate it and knew that I was looking for a place." Kyle explained more. He still couldn't believe how little he was paying for the place and was so worried at times that he would wake up and find a letter at his door saying he owed more rent, but he knew Buck would never do that to him.

"Wow, he sounds like a great guy," Tommy muttered softly as they began to pay less attention to the video and returned to their coffees.

Kyle couldn't help but smile slightly at Tommy's comment; Buck was a great person, and a nice one at that. He hated thinking about how awful the 118 had been to him; even with the lawsuit, everyone knew he was the greatest in the business. Hell, he had told Buck as much, and the fact that offers for him came in virtually every week demonstrated it. Buck would be a total loss to the department and the entire community if he left the field. He hoped Buck would return, but he knew better than to expect.

Emotions and hatred could be soul-destroying for everyone. He'd seen it; it appeared on the news almost every week. The LGBTQ+ and ethnic communities were acutely aware of this pain. He recognised that he was fortunate to have been born white but being gay made him a target. He hadn't been out at school, but he'd always been a little strange, which made him an easy target. He wanted to give up everything because of the bullying, but his brother had been his rock. He was the reason he was still around.

When he came out and began dating, his brother advised him to take his time finding the right person. And had given the shovel talk to anybody he had started seeing seriously, even if they had just been dating for a couple of weeks. When he eventually broke up with them, he would tell him that they weren't the perfect person for him and begin listing all their defects while they drank the night away.

However, when he looked at Tommy, he felt something he had never felt before with one of his lovers or dates. He had no idea what it was, but he had a feeling it was going to last. However, he was aware that his brother might have concerns about him dating Tommy. For starters, he had the impression that Tommy was roughly the same age as his brother, or close enough that his brother wouldn't like it. He also realised that if he told his brother that he had always had an interest in older men, he might be able to get away with it.

The other issue was that he worked in the same field as him, which could influence his job or leave him widowed. Something he knew was possible, but his grandmother had always told him that she had sacrificed everything for her true love and had advised him before she died that when he found the one, he should seize it and keep it close for the rest of his life. And maybe that's how he felt about Tommy. He had never been in love before; he did enjoy all his previous relationships, but he couldn't claim he truly loved them since when they left him, he wasn't sad to the point where he couldn't go on.

Tommy interrupted his train of thought and asked, "So, what time is good for me to pick you up on Saturday?"

Kyle smiled as his heart almost skipped a beat. Tommy's smile made his heart feel like it was about to explode. How could a man he'd just met make him feel this way? He also realised that it might be a little early to tell Tommy how he was feeling right now, but that didn't mean he wouldn't drop subtle signals that Tommy would notice and know he was very interested in him. He only prayed he hadn't bored him too much. He was aware that when he liked someone, he tended to waffle on sometimes.

He could also feel himself growing thrilled about going out with Tommy again, especially on a formal date rather than just bumping into him at a pub. "How about we say 6 p.m.? I'm seeing my brother for lunch, but I'll be free after 3 p.m.," Kyle asked, but then immediately added, "If that is okay with you?"

He was aware that Tommy could have a shift, and that meeting sooner might be preferable if Tommy had a night shift or was busy. His brother would understand; all he had to do was put up with his brother making fun of him for ditching him on a date.

"No, 6 pm is good for me." Tommy shook his head at Kyle's apparent panic.

Kyle felt ridiculous about it, but he couldn't stop himself. He knew he'd be on the phone with his sister-in-law asking for advice on what to wear and getting her to talk him out of a panic attack as the date approached, but he knew it would be worth it. "Good, and you're okay picking me up? If not, I can take a taxi or Uber." Kyle instantly inquired. He realised it was silly of him to believe Tommy would simply pick him up for their date, and he wanted to make sure he was reading the room correctly even if he had just said he would happily pick him up.

"No, I'll come to collect you. Will add to the surprise of where we're going," Tommy added, and Kyle smiled as Tommy reached over and tightly held his hand at that.

"That's not fair, where are we going?" Kyle asked, shaking his head; he enjoyed the concept of being surprised because it meant he may discover more about Tommy based on where he takes him. However, it worried him because he didn't want to disappoint Tommy if he didn't like the place. Normally, he would look up new places to see what he wanted to try. But if Tommy doesn't tell him, he will have to hope that he likes something.

"You'll just have to wait and see," Tommy joked, squeezing his hand again. Kyle couldn't help but smile along with him, but that wasn't the end. Tommy drew Kyle closer to him, sandwiching him against the counter with his body, rather than simply grasping his hand as he had done previously.

Kyle felt Bambi as his legs began to shake, and he couldn't help but grab the counter behind him slightly. Tommy obviously understood what he was doing to him because he simply smirked with an obnoxious but extremely cute grin before taking hold of his chin and pulling him into a kiss. Kyle simply let himself be controlled, which was a huge turn-on. Kyle could only describe their kiss as being immersed in their own universe. Nothing truly mattered, and Kyle enjoyed it.

Bang, bang, bang.

They both groaned when the thumping resumed, but they did not separate or open their eyes right away. Instead, Kyle felt Tommy's grip on him tighten and dragged him closer. They had stopped kissing but had positioned their foreheads together, so they were still touching.

The hammering continued, but after a few minutes, Kyle opened his eyes and pushed away from Tommy so he could view his entire face and discovered that he was simply looking at him with a kind and understanding expression. He felt horrible that Tommy was involved in this mess when he didn't deserve it. He whimpered again before lowering his head onto Tommy's shoulder. "Oh my god, she is going to break the door." He whimpered as Tommy's grip tightened and drew him into a powerful hug.

He felt himself laughing as he buried his face into Tommy's neck; all he wanted to do was go back into bed with Tommy and forget everything that had transpired since Maddie showed up at his door.

They remained there for a few minutes before Kyle noticed that the hammering had abruptly ceased. As the minutes passed, he hoped that Maddie had finally had enough and left, but he knew that was doubtful. He could see the craziness in her eyes and knew she wasn't going to back down without a strong reason.

"Hey…" Tommy said softly, rubbing his back. "Looks like the cops are here." He added as he turned slightly, keeping his head on Tommy's shoulder but allowing him to see his phone, which was still on the counter and open on the camera app.

And Tommy was correct.

Kyle looked down at his phone and noticed that Maddie was no longer outside his door but had been moved away by two police officers. He was only relieved that the thumping had ceased, for, despite the painkillers, his headache persisted. However, he remained concerned in the pit of his stomach that Maddie would make things tough for him. He knew he was safe because he had all the documentation and the building manager on his side, but he couldn't stop worrying.

Would Maddie put on the waterworks in front of the cops, making them feel sorry for her, and then arrest him without allowing him to speak? Will she try to force her way back into the flat before the cops can stop her and demand that he leave? He remembered something Maddie had told him: Buck couldn't just leave and rent out the home he owed. It was unusual that Maddie believed she could tell a fully grown guy what to do, even if they were blood relatives. However, he had a feeling that Buck had tried to avoid this mindset, which is why he departed in the manner he did.

They watched as the officers appeared to be hearing Maddie's version of the tale; it wasn't until one of the officers turned that Kyle noticed his face. He was approximately his height, brown hair, and Hispanic, whilst the other officer was white with black hair and appeared considerably older than his colleague. Kyle glanced at the man clearly and recognised right away that he had worked on a couple of scenes with that officer, and he was a kind guy. Not his type, but not bad-looking.

But he was also aware that the man was dating a nurse at the hospital since he had seen them together several times. He knew that with him present, he would be heard; the man was honest and asked everyone, no matter who they were, for their thoughts on what transpired. He didn't choose sides until he had the entire tale.

They watched closely as one cop turned to face the camera and pressed the doorbell. The two men stood in quiet, waiting for the doorbell to stop ringing. Kyle realised they couldn't hide because the police were involved.

Kyle sighed and let go of Tommy; "Can you get the door?" He questioned softly as he ran his hand through his hair, then added, "I'm going to get the rent agreement Buck gave me to show them. Hopefully, that will be enough to get rid of them." He pulled away from Tommy, even though he didn't want to. The paperwork was just in the small safe in his bedroom, so he simply had to go upstairs and retrieve it.

Tommy moaned and kissed Kyle's nose before he could move away from him. "Sure, but you'll owe me," he remarked, walking away from Kyle and towards the door.

"I'll pay you on Saturday," Kyle shouted over his shoulder, laughing as he walked upstairs, but he couldn't help but stare at Tommy's still-bare chest. He couldn't help it; he knew he needed to collect the paperwork, and as he lost sight of Tommy, he could hear everything downstairs in case he needed to intervene.

"You better," Tommy remarked, laughing as he prepared to open the door.

"Who the hell are you?" A shriek came from the corridor, and Kyle could only assume Maddie hadn't realised he wasn't alone in the flat when she selfishly banged on his door. He knew he had to work quickly, so he tried to recall the code he had established the day he moved in and immediately brought out the documents he needed.

"Ma'am…Please let us handle this," Kyle heard a man say from the doorway. The voice wasn't from the officer he knew; therefore, it must have been his partner.

"Sorry to disturb you, sir, but we were called about someone trespassing on this flat," Kyle heard another voice say, which was the one he was looking for. Matthews was his name, he thought. And he was already halfway down the stairs with the paperwork when Matthews started talking to Tommy.

"I'm sorry about this officer," Kyle remarked as he approached Tommy and Matthew. After clocking him, Matthews knew who he was. He felt a little red since someone he had worked with a few times was now standing in his doorway with his date bare-chested, and he knew he probably had a few hickeys on his neck. But just now, he had more important things to worry about than being mocked on the next call they worked on together.

"There has been a major misunderstanding. I have my rent agreement from my landlord here; I only moved here a few days ago, and it appears that he did not notify his sister that he was leaving." Kyle added as he handed Matthews the papers.

"Thanks, Kyle, and you only moved in a few days ago?" Matthews inquired as he began to review the documentation Kyle had handed him. Kyle did notice Matthews' slight smirk, and his gaze shifted to Tommy, who appeared to be unconcerned by their silent talk.

"The building manager can also confirm this," Kyle said, looking over at the other cop who was closely studying Maddie; plainly, the second officer wasn't pleased with her either. However, while Matthew went through the paperwork, Kyle could feel Maddie's angry stare at him.

He couldn't help but feel uneasy at the look she was giving him; it reminded him of his fifth-grade teacher, an angry old bitch who despised everyone. Her mere appearance had caused more than one child to cry. As he stood there, he felt himself shake slightly with worry. He was confident that he was safe, but Maddie's expression made him concerned for himself and Tommy. He could only describe the glare she was shooting at them as nasty.

As the seconds went into minutes, he felt a warm arm wrap around his waist, causing him to jump slightly. But then he felt a warm breath across his neck and knew it was Tommy. The man's lips touched his neck, and he felt himself melt into Tommy's arms, laying his back against the other man's chest.

"I'll go and have a word with him, Matthews," The other officer replied, and with a harsh expression, he walked away from Maddie.

"Thanks, Davy," Matthews explained as he proceeded to read the document.

"His flat is on the ground floor, flat 2," Kyle called, and the officer thanked him before turning the corner at the end of the hall, towards the lift and stairs. Kyle felt himself relax more in Tommy's arms. He didn't care about the glances Maddie was now giving them.

"No, he would not have done that. Buck would not do it without first consulting me. He had no right to rent out this home without first consulting with me. He knows better than that." Kyle was startled by Maddie's shriek. Tommy's grip on him tightened, and he gently whispered to him that he had him and everything was fine.

"Ma'am, please, that's enough," Matthews advised before returning to the papers, but Kyle noticed Matthews frequently looking up to see where she was.

Maddie stamped her feet like a small child before yelling at them, "My brother would not leave without speaking to me. He knows better than that." She argued before returning her attention to Kyle, and Kyle couldn't help but feel stiff at the angry look she was giving him.

"And why did you change the locks?" She snapped.

Kyle felt Tommy move faster than anyone else he'd seen, and he'd already shifted him, so he was slightly behind him but holding his hip. He knew Tommy had done this because he could feel him tighten from her comments and how viciously she spoke to him. He remembered someone telling him last night that Tommy had been in the army and knew he could handle himself, but he could as well. He did, however, feel himself falling more in love with the man.

Matthews had also noticed this and was now so close to Maddie that Kyle was confident he had done this to be able to step in and protect them if Maddie lunged at them. Kyle also saw that once Maddie had started to get more high-rate, Matthews had simply forgotten about the documents in his hand and was now focusing his complete attention on Maddie, who appeared to be becoming increasingly agitated as time passed.

"And my keys do not work! They changed the locks, and that is not allowed." Kyle winced in response to Maddie's high-pitched scream. He wanted to smirk and tell her that Buck had changed the locks, not him, but he didn't want Matthews to be assaulted because he had positioned himself so that Maddie would attack him rather than them, which didn't sit well. Just because Matthews was a cop didn't mean he should be attacked. "I have the right to my brother's flat; I need to be able to get in here no matter what." She then added.

Kyle heard Tommy snort at that phrase; he had never seen somebody so entitled in his life, and the only way he could think of to describe the woman in front of him was as a 'Karen'. What astonished him even more was when Maddie extended her hand to them, motioning for them to do something or give her something. But he didn't have to ask her since she yelled at them again, "I want those keys; you're not allowed them. They are mine."

Kyle suddenly understood that this woman was insane. Did she really believe he was simply handing over the keys to his own flat, which he rented with his own money because she demanded it? She'd truly lost it. However, before Kyle could tell her she was crazy, her gaze was drawn back to Matthews, who appeared to be wishing he was somewhere else.

"They are lying and have forged that stupid piece of paper." She snapped, pointing to the documents, before adding, "Arrest them and get me those new keys so I can get into my brother's flat."

"Ma'am, one more word and you will be in handcuffs," Matthews warned, his voice strong but without rage, but with a sharpness that had not been present before.

Kyle felt he should keep his mouth shut, especially now that Tommy had held his hip more tightly as if he could read his mind, but he wanted Maddie to know the whole truth. He hadn't changed the locks; Buck had. He knew he was likely throwing Buck under the bus by telling Maddie the truth, but he wanted Matthews to know the truth as well as Maddie to understand that she had no influence on her brother, no matter how much she felt she did.

Kyle cleared his throat and said, "The previous owner changed the locks before I moved in, and only I and the building manager have the new keys." He explained, largely to Matthews rather than Maddie, but then glanced directly at her and added without addressing her since he couldn't be bothered wasting his breath on her any longer. "I imagine Buck wanted to make sure the building was secure before he went and didn't notify her, he was leaving, but that's not my problem. I pay my rent to him, not her."

Maddie looked like she wanted to scream at that; her face had turned even more red, and he could see the veins on her forehead and neck beginning to bulge out more. He could tell that his comment had irritated her considerably more than he could have imagined. Kyle was even more perplexed by Maddie's apparent objection to Buck doing something for himself without first consulting her.

Before anyone could say anything else, a voice from down the corridor sounded out, prompting them all to turn to see who was there. It was the other cop, Davy, or so he supposed since he couldn't recall what Matthews had called him. "We are good here Matt," When the officer returned to standing next to Maddie, Kyle could see the stress in Matthews' shoulders lift.

He could see Matthews was concerned about what might happen with the insane woman, especially when he was alone. He was a little upset that he believed they wouldn't step in to defend him, but they weren't cops, so that may be it, but he wouldn't just sit back and watch a friend get hurt.

"Ma'am…" Turning to Maddie, Davy stated that everything appeared to be in order, and all they had to do was get rid of Maddie. "I talked with the building manager, and everything was in order. Mr Buckley owns the property and can rent it out to anyone he wants." He explained.

Kyle could see Maddie was in shock at what the police had told her, and she appeared to be unable to speak. The officer then turned back to him. "Mr Moore, we apologise for bothering you; we will ensure that everything is resolved here," he explained, and Matthews returned the paperwork to him.

Kyle grabbed them swiftly in case Maddie tried to take them, and he noticed Tommy relax a little more. But his hand never left his hip, and he adored him for it. He was falling so deeply in love with the man that it almost ached. "It's fine, thank you for coming." He spoke as he gazed down at the papers in his hands. Maybe they could go back to bed for a time and forget what happened.

However, they were out of luck since Maddie immediately discovered her voice.

"What! Are you not going to do anything?" She yelled.

Here they go.

Matthews groaned and said to Maddie, "Ma'am, Mr Moore has the right to be here." He explained, and he could see Matthews was losing his temper because undertones of rage were beginning to merge in his voice. "Your brother has decided to move out and rent his place to Mr Moore here. You can't do anything about it; if you have any concerns, you should speak with your brother. He is the only one who can ask Mr Moore to leave, and only if he violates this agreement." Matthews took a deep breath, as if to process the news, before saying, "So right now, I will have to ask you to leave the building because you have no business here."

And it was not what I intended to say.

"No!" Maddie shouted, and Tommy swiftly pulled him deeper into the apartment, ensuring that he was directly in the path of any fire that came his way, all while keeping his hand on his torso. It was merely in another location. But he missed the contact and instead took a step forward, placing his chest into Tommy's back. He wasn't going to miss anything, regardless of how much Tommy appeared to want to protect him. He now understood why so many people were standing around watching them work; it was both thrilling and hazardous.

"You need to make him…" Maddie screamed at Kyle, "Tell me where my brother is! He is not allowed to wander off on his own. He is aware of this! Even at his best, he struggles to care for himself. He's a danger to himself and should be closely supervised." Maddie yelled, swinging her arms around like a crazy lady, which wasn't far off the mark.

This time, Kyle was the one who couldn't speak. This woman had gone crazy. She was acting as if Buck wasn't a fully grown adult who owned his flat, worked for the LAFD, had many commendations based on hearsay, and was one of the gentlest souls he'd ever met. It sounded a little feminine of him to say that about a person who was hot in his own world but who cared deeply about others. When his Captain had returned from watching Buck complete requalifications following the bombing, his captain even stated that he was a man of heart. His captain had been praising Buck for weeks after that, and he understood why. A buddy of his who had gone through the academy shortly after Buck had completed them had complained to no end that the new course record must have been created by a madman because no one had ever seen records like that before. Even some of the instructors expressed doubt that anyone would be able to beat his new records. Buck had become an inspiration to all firefighters out there, and the lawsuit had not changed his outlook. Buck was nearly a legend due to his skills and success in challenging rescues, which no one could take away.

Kyle had almost forgotten what was going on around him, but Tommy's simple knock brought him back to the scene in front of him. He was startled by the policemen' restraint with Maddie, but everyone had a breaking point, and Davy's expression indicated that he was close to it.

"Ma'am, you need to calm down. Your brother is free to leave on his own accord. No one can stop him if he hasn't done anything wrong, and neither can you." Matthews attempted to explain patiently. Kyle suspected Matthews was speaking quietly because he was speaking down to Maddie in the same way that an adult would speak to a child. Which was rather realistic given Maddie was acting like a pampered child being told no for the first time.

"No, he can't…" Maddie merely shrieked and shook her head. "He's too childish to be allowed to wander off."

"Ma'am…" Matthews tried to explain however Maddie wasn’t going to let him continue.

"DO YOUR JOB! MAKE HIM TELL ME WHERE MY BROTHER IS RIGHT NOW." Maddie practically yelled at the officers.

Kyle was worried that someone might leap out with a camera and claim it was a joke. It didn't appear real.

"$20 she gets arrested," Tommy murmured in his ear. Tommy had relaxed a little once both cops returned, enabling him to return to standing next to him rather than in front of him. He loved how protective Tommy was of him despite only spending the night with him; he couldn't wait to see how their connection progressed after this lunacy.

However, Kyle couldn't help but be stunned and shocked by Tommy's comment. He also thought it was hilarious. He had expected Maddie would be arrested soon, but Tommy's desire to make light of the situation let him understand Tommy didn't blame him for it. Not that he expected it, but a portion of his brain warned him that Tommy would detest him for this.

"You're horrible." Kyle returned the whisper with a grin, but he couldn't take his gaze away from Tommy's adorable smile at him. It was as if they were once again lost together, while the rest of the world had gone silent.

"So…?" Tommy asked with a slight chuckle, nodding towards Maddie and the officers.

Kyle understood Tommy's point, and he was not going to back down from a friendly bet. Even if it meant he would most likely have to make a statement or something similar. With a smirk and a nudge to Tommy, he murmured, "$30 she resists." He had a hunch that if Davy and Matthews arrested Maddie, she would not go quietly.

"You're on," Tommy stated with a slight pinch on his hip as if it were their handshake. But then bent down to give him a soft kiss on the cheek before talking to his ear, causing Kyle to shudder as Tommy's warm breath entered his ear. "Should we go and get some popcorn?"

Kyle burst out laughing at this sentence, which thankfully did not bring attention to them because Maddie was still plainly arguing with the officers. Tommy quickly drew Kyle back into his side and kissed his neck; Kyle couldn't help but fall into Tommy's touch as if he'd been doing it forever. And, as much as he wanted to see Maddie imprisoned, he equally wanted to drag Tommy back to bed until they were both sleeping or one of them had to leave.

However, the debate between Matthews, Davy, and Maddie came to an abrupt halt for whatever reason. Kyle knew he had been too engrossed in Tommy's embrace to notice anything, but the lack of ringing in his ears drew his attention. He looked around to see who or what they were looking at and noticed another cop approaching towards them. However, he was certain that this one also seemed familiar. But there was a knot in his stomach now that he knew this cop for a different reason. He'd never gotten into problems with the cops before unless you include the time, he was caught bunking off school.

"Sergeant Grant…" Matthews addressed the officer, but Kyle could tell by the expression on Matthew's face that he was overjoyed that this cop was present for some reason.

Kyle became momentarily frozen in Tommy's arms when he heard the name. He recognised her immediately; she was Captain Nash's wife. And a fresh sense of worry overtook him. Would he be arrested for not telling them where Buck was, even if he had no idea? But maybe Buck didn't tell him so he wouldn't have to lie. He then heard Maddie whisper 'Athena', and her face changed from a red demon to normal, with a horrible grin as if she had won.

"Hi Matthews, Davison…" Athena began to speak, but Kyle could see the blatant scowl she was giving Maddie. "I heard the call over the radio and thought I'd come as backup in case it was needed." Athena then added.

"Athena!" Maddie wept before either cop could speak. "You have to make them tell me where Buck is!" She almost demanded as she had done several times before, but Kyle could tell Athena was unimpressed. However, Maddie did not appear to have noticed.

"He's been childish and ran away. He has to be found and forced to come back to clean up the mess. He needs to be told that this is utterly unacceptable and that he has to apologise to everyone." Maddie began to shout, which Kyle thought was a horrible idea, but Tommy soon murmured to him that she was digging her own grave, which she didn't see, making it even more entertaining for them to watch.

"He should have listened to me when he was hurt and saw he wasn't made out for this position longer. But he had to be naive and selfish, then there was the lawsuit, and now he's running away to prove his point. He needs to come back and live with me so I can keep an eye on him because he plainly cannot be trusted alone..." Maddie continued to rant.

It didn't appear that she was going to stop, and Kyle was certain he heard Davy sigh loudly with an eye roll before reclining back against the wall, arms folded. It was obvious to him that Davy had had enough of this and simply wanted to go home. He was tempered to invite the cops into his flat for coffee and leave the mad lady to Athena.

To everyone's delight, Athena raised her hand, interrupting Maddie's rage and glancing at Matthews and motioning him to tell her what was going on. Kyle was surprised that Athena wanted to hear from the other officers about what had transpired rather than simply asking Maddie. He knew Maddie must be close to Athena because she was married to Captain Nash and was dating Han. This would have caused even more complications for Buck, as it appeared like his entire world was linked to the 118.

"We received a complaint regarding a trespasser at this flat, which Miss Buckley claims is rented by her brother. However, we discovered that her brother owns the property and has opted to rent it out to Mr Moore; we reviewed the rental agreement and spoke with the building manager, who confirmed it." Matthews explained, but then observed Maddie's scowl at him. "Sadly, Miss Buckley wasn't happy with the outcome since we can't find out where her brother is since he left on his own free will," Matthews added.

"Because it's your job! You find missing people who pose a risk to themselves. My brother is incapable of caring for himself, as he has repeatedly demonstrated." Maddie snapped at him.

However, before she could continue her verbal onslaught on Matthews, who appeared to be reaching his limit with Maddie, she was abruptly halted by Athena raised her hand to silence her once more. Kyle was relieved he had never become a cop in cases like this. He could have lost his patience with Maddie much earlier. Kyle found himself rolling his eyes at Maddie's stupidity. She was insane and needed medical attention for her strange notions. It irritated her that she thought she could manage Buck so easily. He was a grown man with every right to do whatever he wanted if it was legal.

"Maddie, you understand that's not possible. He does not need anyone's permission to depart if that is what he needs." Athena responded quietly, but Kyle could detect a disapproval tone that reminded him of his mother in her voice. As well as the look she was giving her.

"But I'm his sister," Maddie protested.

"Maddie…" Athena responded forcefully, cutting her off, but this time more harshly, to the point where Maddie nearly stepped back as if horrified by Athena's tone. Kyle suspected Maddie assumed that with Athena around, she would get what she wanted from him. However, it was not the case, and it appeared that she was beginning to grasp this. "He's an adult, not a child."

Maddie's expression changed from utter amazement at Athena telling her no to the red face she had before Athena showed up. Kyle tensed up again as if he could really feel the rage wash off her. It terrified him a little, and he knew he shouldn't be because Maddie couldn't touch him, but he couldn't stop himself. It reminded him of the first time he informed his mother he was gay. She had apologised later, and he knew she meant it, but there was always the dread of her doing it again. Maddie was doing the same thing, but this time he wasn't alone.

"No!" Maddie snapped and stomped her feet again. "He can't do this! First, he gets hurt, then he refuses to do what I told him and look for another job, and then there's that dumb lawsuit. And now this!" She shouted, throwing her arms on the arm. "He needs to apologise to everyone and put this right," she insisted.

The cops had lost patience with her, as Matthew quickly stepped towards her as if he was preparing to grab her if necessary. Kyle knew exactly where this conversation was going, but it wasn't apparent who would win the bet.

Matthew remarked, "Ma'am, you need to lower your voice," but his tone indicated that he had had enough.

"And you need to do your job!" Maddie argued back. The unexpected rage towards Matthews transformed the entire atmosphere of the hallway. Davy had stood up straight and stepped closer in case he needed to step in. Kyle also saw that Tommy was again on high alert.

"Maddie you are pushing your luck here," Athena warned.

"What are you planning to do? Arrest me?" Maddie inquired, sporting a small grin that reminded Kyle of the Grinch. Was she so crazy that she believed she was above the law? Or did she imagine that because her boyfriend worked with Athena's husband, she would be safe from arrest? Maddie continued to shake her head at them and tutted, as a parent would do to a misbehaved child. "For what?" She replies with a chuckle.

Kyle could personally name a variety of charges that the cops could bring against her, despite not understanding many laws in detail. So, he knew it would be no trouble for the three officers to charge her with a crime.

"Ma'am as we have asked you repeatedly, you need to leave." Matthews requested. Kyle had a hunch that he and Tommy had been so engrossed in their own argument that they had stopped listening to Maddie's outburst, and Matthews and Davy had both asked Maddie to leave because she had no reason to be there longer.

"I have the right to be here. This is my brother's flat." Maddie argued.

The corridor was silent for a few seconds, which felt like much longer to Kyle. He couldn't believe Maddie was this foolish; she might have simply walked away. Yes, she might have received a smack on the wrist, but that was it. He was not going to push the chargers because, after all, this insane woman was Buck's sister. He didn't want to give Buck any further problems with her. But it was evident Maddie believed she was above the law.

Kyle hadn't noticed Davy move, but the next thing he knew, the entire scenario in front of him was moving in slow motion as Davy and Matthews proceeded to put Maddie in handcuffs. It seems that Kyle owed Tommy $20.

"Miss Buckley, you are under arrest…" Matthews began to explain, but Kyle couldn't hear the words because Maddie began to scream at the top of her lungs, and Kyle was convinced that his ears would begin to bleed.

She was resisting and began to attack the two officers as they attempted to handcuff her. Between the screams and shouts, they could only hear Maddie screaming that they could not do this to her. Tommy had pulled him deeper into the flat while Maddie fought with the two officers, prompting Athena to intervene.

After about two minutes of Maddie shouting and yelling at them, Athena and Davy carried her down the corridor. Matthews swiftly told them to call for the ring doorbell footage and that he would be in touch, then picked up Maddie's thrown bag and keys from within the lock. Fortunately, they emerged unscathed before swiftly following the curses and shouts. Tommy simply nodded, and all Kyle could do was stare in shock at what had just occurred before closing the door.

Kyle only shook his head before proceeding towards the stairs and sitting down, the flat paperwork still in his hand. He wasn't surprised Maddie was detained; it was unavoidable given her behaviour, but he was taken aback by some of the comments and obscenities she made as they attempted to handcuff her.

She had gone from calling the cops pigs and disguising people to blaming Buck for everything, claiming that his selfishness had caused it all. That he was a miserable fag who was only here to create her trouble. That she didn't understand why her parents had retained him. She hadn't raised him this way, and he needed help to get better.

Her rant was so jumbled with her screams that Kyle wasn't sure everyone had heard them, but he had. He had heard similar things said to him as a child by his bullies and later by a few family members who had not yet accepted the fact that he was gay, and that was fine. Was Buck gay? Bi? He couldn't recall ever hearing anyone call him a slur, which could explain why he hadn't told anyone. But he understood that was Buck's business, not his. All he could do was hope Buck understood that it was okay to be himself.

There was also the 'treatment' remark thrown towards Buck as well. Did Maddie mean what he assumed she meant? If she did, Buck did not need a witch like her in his life. If he could, he would call Buck and urge him not to approach her again because she thought his lack of complete honesty was bad and required 'fixing'. He had previously heard this from an aunt, who informed him that he needed to be taken to a hospital to be fixed because being gay was so bad in her view. Fortunately, she had been booted out of their family as soon as her statements became public. Even his parents, who disagreed with him at the time, told her off. Hell, his mother had physically hit her once after she attempted to defend herself.

Buck had grown up with a sister who believed she could control every part of his life, which must have been horrible. She clearly believed he needed to run everything by her before doing it. Which was silly because he knew from rumours that Maddie had only returned to Buck's life a few years ago after being absent for more than a decade. So, he was astounded that she thought she could control his life.

Kyle was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn't detect Tommy's presence, and he felt as if he was in a fishbowl, with all the sounds around him muffled. But when he calmed down, knowing that Buck was somewhere safe, he heard Tommy's voice. He looked up to find Tommy knelt in front of him, hands on his knee, as if he was attempting to ground and soothe him. He was grateful for that because he realised, he must have appeared to be in a daze for a spell, which had worried him.

He genuinely wanted to tell Tommy why he had abruptly gone into a haze after Maddie's statements, but he wasn't sure if Tommy had heard them. And he wouldn't out Buck to anyone if he didn't want to, and with no mention of Buck being gay, he wasn't going to do it. Tommy asked him again whether he was okay, and he simply nodded and smiled. He knew the smile was weak, but he didn't want to express all his emotions without first informing him of what Maddie had said about Buck.

"Well, that was entertaining," Tommy finally said, but Kyle knew Tommy didn't trust him when he said he was right.

Kyle couldn't help but giggle at the comment; at the very least, it was entertaining. He only wished he wasn't in the middle of it. Kyle shakes his head, "Yer…" He next considered the poor building manager, who had been appropriately woken up by the police to cope with the situation. "…think I need to message Mr Norton to get him to let Buck know she was here and apologise for all of this." Kyle then looked across to the kitchen counter, where he had left his phone.

Kyle smiled as Tommy retrieved his phone from the counter and handed it to him. He promptly texted Mr Norton, telling him what had happened and asking if he could let Buck know in case the detectives needed to speak with him.

After sending the text, he set his phone back down on the stairs and grabbed for Tommy's hand, which he thankfully accepted right away. He wanted to thank Tommy for being there, but he had a feeling Tommy would just assure him it was fine and that he was there for him. This just served to increase his feelings for the man.

"So…" Kyle began to speak as he tightly grasped Tommy's hand as if he was afraid Tommy would disappear on him. He wouldn't blame him, given what had just happened. Who would want to see someone with a crazy woman knocking on their door? He knew it was not his responsibility, but he had opened the door and instructed her to contact the cops.

Tommy continued to study him carefully, and Kyle could feel him rubbing his thumb on the skin on his hand to comfort him, which made him smile. "…who won the bet?" He asked.

Tommy couldn't stop laughing, and Kyle was happy to join him. Within minutes, they were both sitting or kneeling on the stairs, laughing like crazy people. If he wanted the money, Tommy owed him $10 because he had bet $30 whereas Tommy had only bet $20, and because they had both been correct, he would deduct the $20 owed to make it fair. However, if he could get Tommy to agree to another date, he would.

"We both did…I think." Tommy spoke when he had caught his breath.

"Actually, you owe me $10," Kyle replied with a smirk.

"Really?" Tommy inquired with a smirk on his face and cocked his head slightly, causing Kyle to drop his eyes as he couldn't help but feel his face burn a little with embarrassment as he found himself becoming more turned on than before.

"Sadly, I don't have any cash on me," Tommy replied flirtatiously, and he leaned forward and took hold of Kyle's chin, raising his head so he would have to look at him, which just made the butterflies in his stomach do summersaults.

"I'm sure we can think of another way you can repay me," Kyle responded, aware that it was a little cheesy, but it was the only option he could think of.

"Yer I can think of one way that I can repay you," Tommy stated in a low tone, which made Kyle feel even more turned on. Tommy had drawn him into a powerful kiss that he was not going to back out of.

God, he was so into his man that he simply let himself be moved, and before long, he was putting his legs around the man's waist and being pulled upwards. Tommy was physically carrying him up the stairs, and he could not be happier. His strong kink was now fully activated, and before long, they were both back on the bed, engrossed in each other's movements. Enjoying what should have been their morning in peace, praying that no other unpleasant visitors arrived in the next few hours.

Chapter Text

As they drove home after his emergency counselling session, Carla was growing increasingly concerned about her favourite little man, who was sitting silently in her rear seat and staring out the window. After the appointment, she became even more concerned about him because it appeared like Chris had become much more withdrawn.

Carla had waited outside the door when they arrived at the appointment so Chris could have some solitude with his counsellor. This was what she had done all along. Upon her initial attendance to Chris's visits, she informed him that she would wait for him to conclude since this was his private time to speak with his therapist. Eddie had taken her lead on this one, and Chris had thanked her for it. Eddie had inquired about what was going on, which she understood since he merely wished to support his son. Nevertheless, she had taken the time to clarify to him that Chris required a safe place to release all of his feelings without fear of upsetting him.

It took over an hour for the door to open, allowing Chris to leave with swollen, red eyes. She was aware that he had been crying, but it was for the best. It indicated that Chris had confided in the counsellor and told him everything, or almost everything. It was none of her concern, so she didn't inquire as to what was spoken when she briefly chatted with the counsellor to make sure Chris was okay. Although she was aware that Eddie was curious about his son's situation, Chris needed emotional seclusion. Being an independent individual, he must be permitted to manage his emotions on his own. She would pay close attention and ensure that Eddie did the same if Chris wanted to tell her and his father about the dream.

If she was being completely honest with herself, she knew that Chris hadn't been particularly communicative lately, especially since she had arrived that day. Upon her arrival at the residence, she observed that Chris remained seated at the dining room table, carefully moving his spoon around his bowl, but he was not actually eating the contents. Eddie had been talking on the phone since she walked in the door, but he had left Carla with Chris and pointed at the phone before going to his bedroom to answer this call.

Carla was able to tilt her head as she entered the dining room and noticed that Chris's favourite chocolate cereal was still almost full, which was unusual for him. Chris always finished his food by the time she arrived, and she was met with a flurry of chats about everything, stopping everything until he finished, or she stopped it. But other than saying hello today, he hardly said anything. Carla just carried out the routine tasks she had to complete in the morning, closely monitoring Chris, who was causing her even more anxiety. Chris has always had great taste in food, and if he discovered something he liked, he usually craved it constantly. When Buck got the go-ahead, he also enjoyed trying new things. According to Eddie's account, Chris was a picky eater before he had met with Buckaroo. Eddie was taken aback when Chris ordered something he never would have imagined he would like at a restaurant because he had been able to broaden Chris' palate with a variety of dishes.

She worriedly watched Chris through the doorway as she finished her small tasks in the kitchen. She acknowledged that this was not the Chris she knew, and her maternal instinct made her worry even more. Chris was sad about something but before she could go into the dining room and sit with Chris like she normally did with her coffee and talk to him.

However, Eddie entered the kitchen before she could, and the young man merely said a vague hello before pouring the leftover coffee into his travel-sized coffee cup. But Carla didn't press Eddie to talk; Buck had taught her that. Without giving too much away, Buck had taken her aside and discussed Eddie's PTSD with her. This helped her know how to deal with Eddie when he was in pain or unhappy.

She waited for Eddie to explain what had transpired and with whom he had spoken on the phone as she sipped her own coffee. Something told her that he would ultimately tell her, but she would have to wait for him to be comfortable enough to approach her. As she watched her mother care for her father, a veteran who suffered from horrific nightmares related to his time in the army, as a child, she also learned how to deal with veterans and their moods from her own mother. Additionally, she had noticed some of the same indicators in Eddie that she had in her father. She knew that Chris was involved in whatever had happened, so all she could do was wait until he was ready to speak with her.

Eddie forced himself to tell her what had happened and why he had been on the phone when she came in after they had been silent for a few minutes. Eddie's anguish was evident to Carla when he related what had transpired with Chris. The way Eddie described his son's screams chilled her to the bone and made her heart hurt as he related what he knew about Chris' nightmare and how he had woken up screaming. Whatever this nightmare had been about seemed to have influenced Eddie so profoundly that he was still feeling the repercussions to this day, in addition to being the reason for Chris' behaviour.

He then went into great detail about his phone chat with Chris's counsellor and the advice he gave him to take in the meantime till their scheduled emergency session. Carla had been so proud of Eddie for thinking ahead as at times, she had been the one with Buck to push Eddie to make those appointments as at times he would ask Chris if he wanted to go and then just do as Chris asked. Which wasn’t healthy for him as Chris needed to talk about what was happening in his dreams.

She was aware that Buck had arranged the initial meeting and had just informed Eddie of the location while they were still in communication. After talking to Eddie about how strange it was that the clinic had scheduled all of the appointments so much faster than he had thought—he had thought that his insurance was covering the appointments—she learned after one session that Buck had been the one footing the bill and had been paying for every session from the very beginning with only giving the instruction that Eddie was not to be told unless absolutely necessary. She had asked the receptionist one day to make sure that everything was taken care of because the clinic they were attending was a private one and they didn't usually take patients on insurance this quickly.

After that, she grew to love Buckaroo even more and sent him a message informing him that she was aware he was footing the cost for Chris' therapy sessions. She also questioned why he had lied to Eddie about it. Although she was aware that Buck was helping Chris and Eddie and that it was none of her business, she was worried that Buck might be spreading his finances too thin because she knew he wasn't making as much money as a firefighter as he was as a fire marshal. Buck had just told her not to worry, he was managing things, but she was powerless. She prayed that Buck's pure heart would save him from going without anything. However, she had been true to her word and hadn't told Eddie about it. She was willing to play the fool for the time being if that was what Buck wanted, even though she realized it would not work out in the end.

She had already nodded yes to accompany Chris when Eddie announced the appointment time, even before he asked her. She was aware that Eddie would have made the appointment with him if he had been able to, but she also understood that despite Eddie's efforts to resolve his issues with Frank, he still struggled to express his own feelings, which occasionally worked against him when it came to Chris' capacity to do the same. Chris occasionally seems to wish to spare his father further suffering by not telling him what's upsetting and worrying him.

Eddie was a self-aware person, which was an improvement over earlier, but Chris needed to manage his emotions better than his father. Eddie loved his son, so worrying for him was normal. Eddie also freely admitted to everyone that he wasn't great with emotions. That was the reason Eddie had insisted that Chris show up for the appointments—to spare his son from experiencing the same emotional difficulties that he had as a child due to the stereotype that men are not emotional people.

Another reason Eddie liked Carla taking Chris to such appointments was that it allowed Chris to view emotions in a more positive way. Eddie was also aware that there were moments when he went too far in trying to get Chris to reveal his feelings. Attempting to get Chris to do so after every session had resulted in Chris storming off to his room. One evening, he had also come clean and said that, although he usually relied on Buck for such things, he was no longer permitted to be around them because of the lawsuits. When Eddie realized what he had just said, Carla saw the anguish and then rage cross his face before he clammed up and said nothing more.

Though Carla could see that Eddie was still angry, it was evident that he wanted Buck back in his life. When her two boys clashed, she would have loved nothing more than to put them in a room and let them work out their differences on their own—after all, they were two adult men who could make their own judgments, even if they were incorrect.

Carla hoped she could heal the wounds in all three of their hearts as she drove up to Eddie's house again. She knew that Buckaroo loved Eddie like a brother and Chris like his own and that he was the kindest man she had ever known. She also thought it was extremely appropriate to compare him to a golden retriever. And she was aware that Eddie and Chris felt the same way. Eddie wouldn't acknowledge it, though.

After assisting Chris in getting out of the car, Carla went to get the groceries she had taken from the backseat. She had called the shop after Chris's appointment to pick up a few things. She had asked Chris if he would want to come in with her to pick up something nice, but he had declined. Chris used to adore going inside the store and selecting what he wanted. She also thought that by making Chris do something he enjoyed, she would be able to help him deal with his feelings, but Chris didn't seem to want to, and she wasn't going to make him.

Carla hurriedly gathered the items she needed and left Chris in the car. Though she wasn't positive, she had hoped that cooking Chris his favourite dinner might improve his state of mind. However, something that Chris had taken from Buckaroo was the love of food.

She swiftly picked up the delivered post that was left on the door mat as soon as she unlocked the door, saving Chris from having to try to dodge them. She set the letters on the dining room table without actually looking at them before heading to put the groceries away. Quietly, Chris had asked to go to his room.

Carla was devastated to hear Chris's low, heartbroken voice. She didn't trust her own voice, so she nodded in response to his question. She heard Chris's door close as she stood there and observed him stealthily make his way to his room. She started to cry at that point. She was devastated to see him in such distress, and her heart was even more shattered by the knowledge that she could do nothing to help Chris other than wait for him to feel comfortable enough to talk to them. However, she was aware from personal experience that Chris exhibited similar behaviour to his father in these circumstances, opting to isolate himself until he could resolve his own feelings. Buckaroo was the only person she knew who could get him out of this mood; she wasn't sure how he did it, but Buck could easily make Chris frown less.

Lost in her own thoughts, she started preparing some vegetables and put them in the baking tray as she stocked the appropriate cabinets. Carla considered asking Chris to assist her with lunch preparation, but she decided against it after learning that Chris would often withdraw to his room following a difficult counselling session in order to process whatever was discussed in private. Chris would only come out when invited to eat or when he had ultimately resolved his inner turmoil.

Before she added any of the spice mixture that Buck had prepared for the roasted vegetables to the tray, she made sure the oven was at the proper temperature. Carla was astounded that Buck had taken the time to determine Chris's spice level and create his own unique blend. She recalled laughing as hard as Buck had when they discovered that Eddie couldn't really manage it, so she knew that Chris could handle a little spice but nowhere near what Buck could handle.

She figured she had at least 30 minutes before she needed to start getting everything else ready as she placed the tray in the oven. She sat down at the dining room table and slowly drank a cup of tea she had made while she waited in silence. Although she really wanted to go check on Chris, she knew better. She sat there by herself because Chris needed time.

Glancing down the dining table, she saw the stack of letters she had brought in. She knew she would usually go through them, organizing them according to their rightful owners. Carla leaned over to grab the pile and began going through it while taking another sip of her tea.

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Chris, she placed Chris's letter in a different pile, but when she got to the last letter in the pile and found herself shocked at the name on the last letter. This was incomprehensible—why would a letter meant for her arrive at Eddie's house? Since this wasn't her residence, she didn't have Eddie's address on file for anything about her, so this was strange. Given that Chris was currently not in school and that she took care of him almost full-time, it's possible that someone assumed she resided here with Eddie.

The handwriting on the envelope gave her a sneaking suspicion that it had been written by someone she knew well. But she was unable to identify it. Carla didn't even think it through again; she just opened the letter. In addition, she noticed that the letter had been stamped as urgent and had only been posted a day or two earlier by looking at the stamp. The letter's sender had requested prompt delivery. She took great care in opening the envelope, taking out the letter, and reading it.

She felt another tear escape her eyes as she slowly began to read the letter from the beginning, and her heart broke even more when she saw her name printed at the bottom. She sensed that there would be more tears shed today since it was from her Buckaroo.

It said in the letter:

Dear Carla, I am sorry for leaving you in this mess, but you are the most capable and loving person I know; therefore, I know you are the best person to handle this.

I had to get out of LA. Carla, I feel like I'm suffocating here, and if I stay, I think I'm going to do something stupid.

I swear I'm safe, but I won't tell you where I'm going because I don't want my sister or anybody else from the 118 to find me. My brother, who lives out of state, will be there for me. Having known me for years, he properly knows me better than I do.

Carla, I know that the lawsuit was a mistake, and I know I messed up this time. However, I just wanted my job back because that would allow me to get back to my family. But they only saw that I betrayed them by suing, which was strange because I had only sued Bobby and the department because Bobby was the one who had prevented me from getting back to the job.

After my doctors cleared me, I learned that Bobby had been informing the department that I wasn't ready. It hurt that I couldn't return to work because of him. Even though I believed I could trust him, he had deceived me.

I feel like none of them can see it from my point of view, even though I know the lawsuit was a dumb move and I made mistakes. I was the one who was lied to, and without my savings, I would have lost both my job and my flat because my salary was insufficient to support all of my bills. Thank God for savings, right?

In any case, I need some time to think, figure out what I want in life, and get better. I just ask that you watch out for Eddie and Chris, particularly Chris.

Carla, he's going to need you. He’s going to be so upset with me leaving and I don’t want him to blame his Dad for it. I know Eddie was the one to stop me from seeing Chris, but he has the right as his father, and I did hurt him so I understand it. I know I would never purposely hurt Chris, but I messed up with Eddie so much that I can see why he wants to keep me away from Chris, Carla.

Carla, I promise you that I never meant to hurt him. Carla, I have no idea how to make this right. I've caused so much pain to everyone I love that I don't hold it against them if they never trust me again.

On the other hand, I am also aware that putting myself last will ultimately result in my death. Nobody seemed to be supporting me, even though I knew I should have given things more thought. Bobby and Maddie never stopped telling me to go to a safer job, and everyone seemed to agree with them—as if they had the authority to decide what would happen to me. Although it may sound naive, such is the reality. Nobody seems to get that I'm not cut out for working behind a desk—not then, and definitely not now.

One of the reasons I have to leave is to rediscover who I am, just like I had done when I first left home. My brother will help me with that. Carla—aside from you and Chris that's all I have left for me here—I don't know if I will ever return to Los Angeles. I know I also may have Denny, Harry, and May. And perhaps Athena as well, but I don't want them to have to choose a side either. That's not fair on them.

I don't want to ruin things for you and Chris because I know you love him and it's your responsibility to take care of him, so I also ask you not to take sides. Expect Chris'. He is going to need you, and if I can avoid it, I won't take someone else away from him.

Carla, I know Chris will be alright because you will be there for him. I need some time away, so I'm going to switch off my phone long before you receive this. However, you may still reach me until I'm ready to turn my phone back on—I've sent you an email from the address I will be using. I wanted to write it here, but I want you to be the only person who sees it. I emailed it to the same email address you used to send me all of the hospital recovery materials. Chris can still talk to me if he wants to, so please give it to him.

I don't want to force him to talk to me, but I also don't want him to think that I've abandoned him. Please don't feel pressured.

Carla, I have also written him a letter too. It should have arrived along with this one. All I can hope is that Chris won't be too upset with me to read it.

During my time with my brother and if and when I return to Los Angeles, I will keep you updated if you want to hear them.

If not, then tell me and I won't bother you. I know I can be exhausting at times.

Carla, I hate to break it all to you, but please be there for Chris coz I can't. As you have been since before, I made this mess.

Love you, Buck.

P.S. When Chris reads his letter, please be there for him. When he does, I don't want him to be by himself.

Carla's tears began to flow freely as she finished her letter and lost control of them. Her Buckaroo was too good for this world; she could see from the letter that Buck was in so much distress that he believed his only choice was to leave. She was immediately alerted to the fact that she knew exactly what Buck meant when he said that she had to leave before he did anything foolish. She had no idea that one of her closest friends had almost chosen to leave this world in that way. Even when Eddie informed her that they weren't permitted to communicate with Buck, she had sent him as many messages as she could to let him know about Chris's well-being and to find out how he was doing. However, she limited her comments about Chris after Buck asked her to respect Eddie's decision as Chris' father, even though she didn't agree with it.

The remark that Chris could be too angry with him to talk to him broke her heart. Chris used to often question her about his Bucky, mostly to check on him because he didn't know why he couldn't see him. Every time she had to tell him that they couldn't see each other right now due to adult issues, it crushed her heart. Eddie had come up with that phrase, and even though she didn't agree with it, she was just following her employer's instructions.

In addition, she desired to find Buckaroo so that she could offer him the warmest hug imaginable and assure him of her love. That didn't mean they didn't love him simply because he made a mistake. And she was prepared to scold anyone who told him otherwise and make them explain why it was wrong for him to stick up for himself.

Her buckaroo was a people-pleaser. He was destined to do that. One of her former teachers, who had been blunt and brazen when she first started working as a nurse, once told her that there were always people who were just born to help others. Sure, there were plenty of people who did the job, but there were only a select few who were truly meant to do the job. This revelation came to her while they were working a night shift in the emergency department and had witnessed a firefighter fight for his life after a bad fire.

He had been one of those people. He was meant to help people, like Buckaroo. Everything else became secondary to it as their life's purpose. Only three of those souls had passed away during the old nurse's lifetime, she had been told, and almost all of them did so while doing what they loved best—helping others. She then learned that the firefighter they had treated had lived through his wounds but had perished in an automobile accident after stopping to aid others. Upon attending the funeral, she learned that the firefighter had donated organs and had ultimately saved the lives of eight people in addition to numerous lives during his career as a firefighter. And those folks, or their families, had also been present at the funeral.

If she was being honest with herself when she had first met Buckaroo, she had recognized the same light in him that she had seen in the other firefighter, and that had just strengthened her bond with him. She could see that he had a glow surrounding him and knew he was destined for greatness, but she also felt sorrow knowing that Buck might not be with them in the future. She was frightened that a man who was so full of love would explode one day and improve the world, and she didn't want that to happen to him. She didn't want it, though, if losing her Buckaroo meant having that. Call her self-centred, she didn't care; having Buck in the world made it better.

However, she instantly turned to the letter that Chris had received after recalling Buck's remark on it. She took up Chris' letter and carefully set hers down, not wanting to ruin it all if this was the final letter she had received from Buck. It was written in the same hand. She had a gut feeling that this letter was indeed from Buck, as he had claimed. The idea of what Buck might have said in Chris' letter only made her heart hurt more.

The comment of understanding if Chris is too mad at him to want to talk to him again really made her want to start crying again. She felt like crying again when Chris said that he understood if she wasn't ready to talk to him again. Was Buck under the impression that Superman wouldn't want to speak with him? Though it was absurd to think that Chris would ever harbour resentment toward his Bucky, she understood the idea from Buck's perspective. She had heard Buck promise Chris that he would never leave him as his mother had and yet had vanished from his life. Indeed, Eddie was the reason behind his actions, but the small man was unaware of this. Buck didn't want him to know either.

She knew she had to deliver Chris this letter and stay with him while he read it, so she wiped the tears from her face. Buck wanted her to do that, so she would comply with his request. She breathed deeply as she made her way through the quiet home and approached Chris's room, holding onto Chris' letter closely to avoid ruining it.

Carla knew that Buckaroo would know that whatever was written in Chris’ letter was going to hurt their little man and properly hated himself for doing it. But even so, it was evident that Buck still loved Chris because he hadn't written the letter if he hadn't wanted to explain his sudden departure. Unfortunately, Eddie had not given Buck an opportunity to tell Chris why he was no longer able to see him face-to-face, which could have assisted Chris in managing some of his feelings. Rather than confronting them without Buck's help, he had merely sealed them up. One day, Chris confided in her that Eddie had severed his support for his kid due to his own pain, leaving him to manage things on his own and that Buck was the only person he felt comfortable talking to about certain things.

Carla felt that Buck was trying to explain everything in the letter, but she also realized that Buckaroo would probably take the entire blame because he had always tried to keep Chris and Eddie's relationship intact even though Eddie was the one who had caused them both this suffering. Buck was someone she admired for that. She was aware that Buck had stated he would stop at nothing to keep Chris's relationship together with his lone surviving parent, even if it meant making a villain out of himself.

Carla took a deep breath as she approached Chris's room and attempted to get ready for the emotional storm that was about to hit. She gently and cautiously tapped on Chris's door. She adhered to the rule that she wasn't supposed to force herself into Chris' room without permission.

She had always respected Chris's personal space, but she thought that if she could get Chris to read the letter in his room, perhaps he would open up and let all of his feelings out, allowing him to deal with them in a healthier way.

After hearing Chris whisper, "Come in," she entered his room quietly and saw him lying on his bed with one of his books open on the pillow. Upon glancing at the book's cover, she recognized it as one of the series that Buck had told him about. She hadn’t known that Chris had started the series as she was sure that he had only just finished the second book of a five-book series a week ago, so she had no idea how Chris had finished three books in less than a week. Chris wasn't the type to abandon a series midway unless he didn’t like it.

However, she recalled Chris telling his father how much he enjoyed the series when he finished the book. He must have thereby completed the series.

Carla gave him a gentle grin as soon as she walked into the room. "Kiddo, I have something for you." While fiddling with the letter, she said.

"What's that?" Chris asked as he lifted himself up.

With a sigh, she walked over to him and held the letter out before bending down to his level. She didn't want to overcrowd him too much as he read the letter. "A letter for you," she stated while observing Chris pick up the letter and examine it intently.

"Please can you open it for me?" He asked.

She felt that Chris would want to keep this letter from her Bucky as if it were made of gold, so she nodded and carefully opened the envelope so as not to damage it. She gave him the letter after gingerly taking it out. As Chris unfolded the letter, she managed to catch a glimpse of it and could clearly tell that Buck had written it. She was more heartbroken, though, by the obvious tear stains she could see sprinkled over the paper. Her Buckaroo must have cried a lot while writing this letter, and she probably anticipated Chris would cry a little as well.

In the hopes that this wouldn't shatter him, she observed with great care as Chris began to read the letter. She merely waited for something to happen while sitting calmly on the floor next to Chris's bed. She needed to respect Chris and Buck's friendship, but she also wanted to read the letter to see what Buck could have said. This letter wasn't for her; it was for Chris. Chris also had to be the one to read it initially.

She watches Chris read the letter, and the minutes seem to drag. Carla was unable to look away from Chris's face. At first, he seemed emotionless, but after a little while, she saw that the small boy's face seemed to collapse, and tears began to well up behind his glasses. As Chris read Buck's letter, she could see the fractures that had begun to emerge in the mask he was trying to cling on to.

She believed that Chris had been hiding his feelings in a similar way as his father, but unlike Eddie, Chris was unable to control himself when his emotions became overwhelming. Carla regrettably had a front-row seat to witness the collapse of the small man's world at this very moment. She was having a hard time dealing with all the emotions that came with reading her letter, and she wasn't sure how Chris would manage them.

Slowly, time passed as she watched Chris read and possibly reread Buck's letter until she saw the tears that had been collecting in his eyes begin to press against his cheeks. As Chris read on, Carla felt her heartbreak and, without realizing it, she had begun to move towards him. But as the tears began to fall, she noticed that she was moving till she was sitting next to Chris on his bed, comforting him during this difficult moment by putting her arm around his shoulder and gently drawing him into her side.

It took Chris just a few more minutes to let his feelings finally surface until Carla could take it no more. She quickly but carefully removed Buck's letter from Chris—not wanting to ruin it—and put it next to him to demonstrate that she wasn't stealing one of the few remaining items Chris had left from his buck. Then, as her little man started crying uncontrollably, she pulled him into her arms.

Carla tried her hardest to console Chris as he released all of the feelings that had been building up over the past few months, but she was forced to close her eyes and allow the tears to fall down her cheeks. Buck's letter appeared to have just pushed it over the brink. Chris started crying, and Carla almost pulled him into her lap. Although her maternal instinct begged her to shield and console the youngster in front of her, she was also aware that she would never be able to put things right.

After giving him a quick kiss on the top of his head, Carla opened her eyes to see that Buck's letter was now on Chris' bed, covered in even more tears than when Chris had first read it. Although what Buck had written was private between him and Buck, a part of her was aware that reading Chris' letter from Buck would be interpreted as her violating his privacy. Nevertheless, she was curious if Buck had provided Chris with any updates on his whereabouts or state of health. Although she was aware that Buck wouldn't tell Chris the whole truth because he didn't want to frighten him, Buck could never lie to Chris. Not in the time she'd known him.

She was even more devastated when she looked down at the letter that Buck had written.

Dear Superman

I know this message will be difficult for you to read and I am sorry for that.

And it killed me to have to write this, but I promised you that I would never leave you without an explanation so here we go.

I have to leave kiddo.

This isn’t your fault, and I don’t want you to blame yourself for this. This is on me kiddo.

I’ve not been well recently and have struggled a lot, so I have called one of my brothers, I told you about him one. You remember the Smooth Dog Stories I told you about, well they are based on my brother.

Even though we are not connected by blood, I regard him as a brother, just as I regard you as a son. Because you are like a son to me and that is why you deserve to know why I am leaving.

Chris, I swear to you that if there were any other way for me to get better, I would. I've made every effort, but nothing has worked. And so, I have gone to visit my brother. He is going to help me.

I'm not sure when or for how long before I'll be able to visit you again, but I will not abandon you.

I've given Carla my email address so you can write to me if you want to, but I'm taking a temporary vacation from social media and my phone. I hope you realize that I need to get better even though I know you must be upset with me and possibly even hate me.

But that's ok. Kiddo if you hate me for this, I understand. If you never want to talk to me again, then that is ok and I will respect your choice.

I am not sure whether I can make things right because I have hurt a lot of people, including your dad, with my mistakes. Not to raise false expectations, but there are some things that are just unforgivable. And that's okay with me.

This is why your father hasn't let me see you, kiddo, since I hurt him horribly. And, as much as I wish I could undo my actions, I must accept responsibility for my mistakes. But, kiddo, it is not your father's fault, and I do not want you to blame him. This is my fault; I hurt him.

I will always be in your life if you want me to be, but if you do not want to speak with me, that is fine. I also do not want you to worry about me, kiddo; my brother will keep me safe like how your father kept you safe. My brother is quite strong and can keep up with me.

Don't worry, I'll be staying with my brother in his house, so I won't be alone.

You are a fantastic young guy, Superman, and I am confident you will achieve anything you set your mind to.

Just keep swimming, little man.

Listen to your father, Abuela, and Carla.

I love you kiddo.

Your Bucky.

Carla just let her tears run as she clutched Chris, afraid she would lose him if she let go and let the small child cry his heart out. Buck's love for Chris made him willing to accept full responsibility for Eddie, which crushed her heart even more. It was wrong, but she couldn't do anything about it. Buck had asked her to look after Chris and, for some reason, Eddie, so that is what she was going to do. Even though she intended to give Eddie a piece of her mind when she saw him.

"I want my Buck."

She heard Chris cry into her chest as he continued to wail.

She wanted she could do that for him, bring Buck back to him, and never let him go. But she couldn't do it. She also realized that it would be absolutely selfish of her to ask Buck, who clearly needed to leave, to return to console them while he suffered in silence once more.

All Carla could do as to softly tell Chris everything was going to be ok and that they were going to make it through this. That Buck loved them and wanted to get better for them and so had to go away. She simply kept repeating herself until she noticed that her shirt was no longer being soaked through by Chris’ tears.

She stopped talking and listened more closely.

Looking down at the heartbroken young boy, she discovered that Chris had cried himself to sleep. He had exhausted himself so much from crying that his body seemed to shut down on him.

He needed to sleep after being awoken by the nightmare. But thinking about all the sadness and confusion that must be going through his head only made her cry harder. He'd lost his mother, and now Buck. It may not be the same, but to a child, there was little difference. His mother had entered his life and then abruptly left it. And Buck was doing the same thing.

She did, however, make a quiet pledge to ensure that Chris knew that his Buck loved him and cared so deeply for him that he wanted to get better because of him. She would also make sure to save Buck's email and allow Chris to email him whenever he wanted. But then she realized Eddie had access to Chris' email, so she decided immediately that she would give Chris one of her old email addresses and connect it to his laptop so he could email Buck when he was ready.

Carla held Chris tightly and kissed the top of his head before moving him to his side on his bed, his head on the pillow. She smiled softly, looking down at the sleeping boy. She would do all in her power to keep Buckaroo and Chris' love and friendship alive, but she would also do what Buck asked of her be there for both Chris and Eddie when the truth was out.

She delicately took Chris' glasses off his face and placed them on his side table. Then he picked up the book he was reading and carefully folded Buck's letter into the page Chris had left open, retaining his position. Eddie was unlikely to find it this way, and when Chris awoke, she would tell him where she had hidden it and set it next to his glasses.

As she climbed to her feet, she took the soft grey blanket Buck had brought him shortly after the tsunami and wrapped it around him up to his chest. Chris' trauma had been somewhat alleviated by the weighed blanket, which he now relied on for comfort.

She desperately wanted to stay with Chris and be there for him in case he had another nightmare, but she could feel her emotions getting the better of her.

She couldn't break down in front of Chris, even if he was sleeping. She had to be strong for him, even though her heart was aching. She needed to be strong for everyone, including Chris, Eddie, and, most importantly, her Buckaroo.

Wherever he may be.

Chapter Text

Buck found himself sitting on one of Steve's deck chairs, looking out at the ocean as the sun started to set, just enjoying the calm and quiet. He had enjoyed meeting Steve's team; they were so kind to him that he wondered if they were only being nice to him because of Steve. But that wasn't the case; they were simply wonderful people.

He was happy for Steve to have them in his life, and evidently, now his, because Chin had explained that once you entered their family, they did not desert you. As he reflected on it further, the remarks impacted home even harder. Steve's family had embraced him so fast and wanted to spend time with him.

Kono even stated that she had been waiting for Steve to bring in one of his younger brothers for her because she was the team's youngest member. He laughed when she joked about how being surrounded by her elders made things a little dull. Buck had to admit that Kono was awesome. They had planned to go surfing in the morning before she had to go to work, and she promised to show him all the greatest surfing areas. She told him not to worry about the board because she had a spare, but Steve had merely advised him to take his if there was an issue.

The notion of being back out on the ocean on a board made his heart skip a beat. Even though he'd already gone swimming in the water with Steve, he was worried about paddling out into the ocean in search of the best wave. He'd already survived the biggest wave of his life, and he wasn't sure he could take being dumped like that again by another wave. Nonetheless, he was eager to try. He was unwilling to give up doing what he loved because of one negative encounter. Surfing and painting both made him feel free, so he wanted to attempt both again. It helped that Kono was going to be present.

Steve trusted her, and he expressed this on the way home when Steve inquired whether he was sure about going surfing again. He did remark that if he needed him, he would be there for him, even if it meant staying on the beach. But Buck realized that if he didn't do things alone, he wouldn't get better. He also said that he trusted Kono because Steve did, therefore he was willing to go with her. He also made it obvious to Steve that he wasn't going to hide his background from his team, as he had a feeling that hiding his past from the 118 had been one of the causes of everything going wrong.

As he looked out at the ocean, he found himself smiling at something. He was not sure what it was but there was something different about him and he could feel it. He felt different and it made him feel strange. He knew that he had felt like this before, but it had been a while, it took him over an hour to realise what was going on with him.

He was happy.

That only made him want to cry even a little at the thought that he simply couldn’t remember the last time he was truly happy. Had he been miserable for so long that he no longer could remember what it was like to feel happy?

In retrospect, he found it a little sad that simply leaving LA had allowed him to feel happy again. Had LA messed him up to the point where he thought the sense of being happy was alien? Leaving LA had made him feel something he hadn't recognised was missing, which confirmed that he had made the right choice to leave when he did. He couldn't get his brain to comprehend it, yet he still felt bad about leaving. When he first relocated to Los Angeles and joined the LAFD and the 118, he knew he was happy because he had fallen in love with the city and the work. He was worried about blowing everything up as he had done before, but he assumed it was because everyone thought he was a naive kid who didn't know anything. Perhaps it was just the worry of fearing he'd get too close to them, and they'd hurt him again. And maybe he was correct to be concerned since that is exactly what happened.

As he sat in the chair, staring out at the sea, he took a long sip of the lucky warm tea that Steve had prepared for him before taking a phone call and heading inside. He saw on Steve's phone screen that it was his partner Danny phoning him, and he knew it was most likely for work.

They'd spent at least two hours at the beach with Danny, Chin, and Kono, just talking and laughing about some of their weird experiences. He had noticed, and pointed out to his older brother, that all the wild ideas seemed to revolve around him. Steve had lashed back, reminding him of all the insane things he had done when they worked together, and he had chuckled, claiming that all the crazy ideas back then also involved him.

He found that he could simply relax with Steve's team without thinking about it. He guessed this was because Steve trusted them, and if his elder brother did, he could too. But he realised that this might not be entirely accurate. He trusted Steve, but there was another reason he trusted them. It was simply that they had welcomed him into their group without knowing much about him and had already invited him to join them on future trips while he was there without first consulting with Steve to see whether that was acceptable. They simply respected him as a person and adult, which the 118 did not do for him.

They usually told him what he was doing or asked Bobby or Maddie if it was okay to include him in whatever they were planning. Hell during one of the barbecues, he sat there as Hen checked with Maddie to see if she was okay fetching him a beer. He was a grown man. Instead, he went and got one for himself, and Maddie tutted at him as if she was softly telling him off for drinking. He had ignored her at that point and gone outside to sit with May, who was watching the children. Since everyone seemed to want to treat him like one, he may as well sit and stay with them. It wasn’t like they were going to include him in their conversations. He had gotten used to them telling him that he wasn’t to get involved in ‘adult’ conversations when he couldn’t understand it. And no one had stood up for him, not even Eddie. Maybe he should have fought harder to voice his options, however, there were only so many times he could hear someone he cared for tell him that he wouldn’t understand what they were talking about.

Thinking back on his entire relationship with the 118, he found himself evaluating all of his encounters with his LA family. Perhaps they didn't care as much about him as he assumed. He knew he could trust Carla, Athena, and the kids' devotion, as well as David and Michael's, but everyone else seemed to have a reason for wanting him in their lives. Karen was someone he didn't know very well, and because of her work, she had missed many of their gatherings, so when she did go, she didn't detect anything amiss. He did not blame her for it. She more than likely just assumed that he was simply playing with the children, which he was, but it was the only thing he could do to keep himself from crying.

As Danny had dragged Chin and Kono back to work, Kono being a physical drag as she didn’t want to go back to the office, he found himself with more plans to put into his schedule than he had ever had before. A lot more than he had in LA; thinking back, whenever he made plans with anyone from the 118, it was either him who planned it or he was the babysitter while everyone else went out and had fun. Was that all he meant to them? A sitter? He didn't want to think about one-sided relationships, at least not until now.

In addition to Kono's surfing adventures, he needed to include certain outings scheduled by Steve for the entire team, such as a family barbecue, beach trips with Grace, and future lunch plans. He also had plans with Chin that he was quite excited about.

He had spoken with Chin far more than he had expected; the man, according to Steve, was the quietest member of the team, but because Steve and Danny were too preoccupied with their argument and Kono was distracted checking the tide times and wave predictions for the week, they were able to have a really good conversation. He had just asked Chin what he did outside of work because he knew the answers for Kono, Danny, and Steve. Chin went on to talk about how he spent as much time as possible riding his horse or working on his motorbike.

Buck soon found himself telling Chin about his experiences working on ranches during his travels. Throughout the conversation, he couldn't help but notice Steve's eyes turning to him now and then, as if he was trying not to appear to be listening in, but he knew he was. He knew he hadn't told Steve much, if anything, about where he had been since leaving him, but he also knew it was extremely unlikely that his brother hadn't been tracking him in some manner.

Even though he had mostly turned his phone off, he would turn it on every time he arrived in a new location so that his brother would know he was still alive, along with a quick text or call.

Simply chatting to Chin about how much he enjoyed working on the ranch and around the horses made him miss it even more. Chin then offered to take him out to the farm where he kept his horse, explaining that the farm's owner had recently broken a leg and was seeking someone to come through and exercise her horse for her. It didn't take him long to agree to the concept.

He missed riding, and knowing that he was doing someone a favour, someone who meant a lot to Chin, made him agree even faster. Chin had stated that he would simply tell Steve when and what time he would arrive to pick him up, as it made more sense for him to do so and then drop him off again. And it did since it allowed Steve to go on with his day rather than driving him about.

But as he considered the notion of riding again, he became both delighted and afraid.

What if he'd forgotten how to ride? What if he injured the horse?

The horse wasn't his, and even if he could afford the vet treatment, he would still hate himself for wounding an innocent animal due to a stupid mistake he made. He was always concerned about hurting one of the horses on the ranch, and despite knowing that accidents happen, he blamed himself.

His apprehension must have been visible on his face, as Chin quickly added that if he didn't want to ride right away, he could simply come out to spend some time in the yard and that there was an indoor ring that they could use until he regained confidence before heading out onto the trails.

Buck found himself missing the freedom that comes with riding a horse. He hadn't realised how much he missed it until he considered doing it again. Part of him regretted that he had left the ranch life behind him; working there was some of the best times of his life, and the owner offered him a full-time job with them handling the day-to-day operations due to his performance. However, he declined it. As he reflected on the offer, he realised that if it hadn't come during the worst year of his life, he might have accepted it.

He didn't want to form any bonds or friendships like he had in the past. Yes, he remained in touch with a few people he had worked with or met along the way, but they were not close. And it wasn't like he needed the money; he just wanted to make sure he wasn't left alone with his thoughts for too long because he discovered that the darkest of them seemed to repeat themselves again and over until he felt nothing but sorrow if he thought about them too much.

However, Buck now wishes he had continued riding when he arrived in Los Angeles. To be honest, he had looked up riding experiences in Los Angeles and considered booking one, but he had always stopped himself since he believed that keeping himself available to aid his family was the best option for him. However, with further reflection, he realised that he had been sacrificing his well-being for individuals who would not do the same for him.

Buck's thoughts were interrupted when he heard Steve enter the deck with a sigh and sat into one of the chairs. Buck did not say anything when Steve joined him because he did not want to talk. He felt himself start to relax even more since Steve had joined them. But he knew that he still needed to talk to Steve about things. However, he did not want to be the one to initiate the conversation. He didn't want to have it in the first place, but he knew he had to if he wanted to get better, and he also knew Steve would want to know where his head was and what he had missed after he had left.

Buck waited for Steve to say something to him, whether it was about the call or asking him what he wanted to do for dinner; he had no idea and didn't care. So, they sat in silence, looking out at the sea.

Steve finally broke the silence, "Everything ok?" Steve enquired, causing Buck to move slightly in his seat to pick up his cup and look at Steve closely.

He realised that question was asking not just if things were fine right then and there, but about everything.  He knew from previous experiences that Steve would never openly enquire about his feelings, but he had discovered over the years that Steve seemed to make an exception for him at times like these when he was concerned about him.

"Yer why?" He asked, taking a drink of his now-cold tea. He didn't mind. For whatever reason, he had developed the practice of drinking tea cold over time and now considers it normal. He likes iced tea from time to time, but nothing beats a hot cup of tea, especially when he discovered one he liked. Unfortunately, not all of them could be drunk cold. Fortunately, he was currently drinking one of Steve's mint and ginger teas, which he preferred cold.

"Just asking?" Steve responded with a shrug, but Buck wasn't convinced. He recognised that there was more to his query than he was saying.

"Sure, about that…" Buck rolled his eyes and gave his brother a sweet smile. "…coz it looks like you want to say more?" Buck asked without much concern. As he looked closer at Steve, he noticed that his brother was wearing a worried expression on his face again. He knew his brother was worried about him, but he discovered that his brother could easily conceal that concern from him. However, this fear was fresh, implying that something had happened during the phone call he had just finished.

"Danny called…" Steve started to say something but then stopped himself as if he didn't know how to convey the information he now had.

Buck, on the other hand, understood what Steve was saying or why he was having difficulty communicating with him. His team needed him, and he wasn't sure how to tell Buck that he was needed when he didn't want to leave him alone. Not after everything that had happened to him, and even though Steve trusted him not to do anything stupid, he knew his brother still had concerns about him.  And, if Buck was being honest with himself, he realised that his brother's concern was justified; he might be in a better place now than he was before leaving LA, but after the panic attack this morning, he knew he was still at risk of relapsing into that pattern of self-destruction.

"They need you, don't they?" Buck enquired innocently, knowing that Danny would not have phoned him if he wasn't needed, especially since meeting the man. He could feel Danny's anxious eyes on him from the minute Steve introduced them. It was why he knew Danny would not have called Steve until they had exhausted all other options. He also had the impression that Steve had begged Danny for this, but Buck knew deep down that Steve despised asking for it.

Steve was a commander and a leader, and it was always difficult for him to delegate responsibility to his team. This is primarily due to the belief that he did not want to lose anyone and that if he could exert control over something, he would know that he had done everything necessary to keep his team safe. The mere act of requesting someone else to care after his team demonstrated to Buck that Steve trusted Danny as much as he trusted him, which was significant given Steve's tendency to distrust.

Steve sighed and rubbed his face before saying, "Maybe..." He began to speak, but it appeared to Buck that he abruptly changed his mind in mid-sentence. "…Danny was just updating me on the case they are working on and asked me to call in a few favours I have to help." Buck could read between the lines in that remark; Steve's team needed him, but his brother didn't want to leave him alone, so he made up a story for why Danny had phoned him, claiming that he simply wanted a favour.

But Buck knew better; Steve could have easily called in whatever favours were required, but instead sat next to him as if he were preparing to embark on a deadly expedition.

Buck knew from that expression that Danny had called to ask him if he could come in, but his older brother refused. He knew it was because of him; his brother was afraid to leave him. Perhaps he was frightened he'd just disappear on him again.

"If they need your help, Steve, you should go in," Buck whispered.

As much as he wanted his brother to stay with him and be there for him, he realised that others needed him more right now. Steve had a duty of care to the people of Hawaii and his team to be available when they needed him. He could cope with being alone for a time, but he knew he'd have to deal with turning on his phone sooner rather than later and dealing with all the messages and voicemails he knew were on it. He felt deep down that he shouldn't do it alone, but he didn't want Steve to become enraged and fly to LA to give 118 a piece of his mind.

"No, it's fine, they can handle it," Steve replied, shaking his head as if he disagreed with what was going on.

Buck groaned and shook his head at his brother. He knew Steve was concerned about him, and he loved him for it, but he could manage a few hours alone. "Steve, if they need you, you need to leave. I will be fine; I can manage to be alone for a few hours, plus I need to call the LAFD for my weekly check-in." He knew that unless he convinced Steve that he would be well alone, he would not go. But he didn’t want to admit to Steve that he also wanted to call and book an appointment with Doctor Copeland for when he did read and listen to all those messages.

"I know you can," Steve murmured, leaning closer to him as if he were going to pull him into an embrace if necessary.

"And I appreciate you worrying about me, but I will be fine; tell him you will go in tomorrow," Buck added, pointing to his brother's phone, which was now on the table.

"Are you sure?" Steve enquired.

Buck chuckled unintentionally and shook his head; he loved his brother, but his overprotectiveness drove him insane at times, and he could feel the protectiveness spilling out of him right now. "Yes, Commander," he said as he leaned back in his chair to be comfortable, but also to avoid getting a clip around the ear for his comment.

"Smart ass," Steve murmured under his breath before leaning back in his chair to sulk. But he knew Steve did not mean it.

Buck responded, "You trained me," which only made them both laugh. 

They ended up laughing for several minutes without saying anything else before returning to silence. Buck finished his cup and, as he set it down on the table, noticed that Steve was on his phone, most likely texting Danny to let him know he would be in tomorrow, which made him pleased. His brother had a life here, and he didn't want to feel like he'd gone in and ruined it by making him deal with his mess alongside his own.

Buck still felt horrible about it, but he knew he shouldn't try to apologise since he knew Steve would remind him that they were brothers and that meant he would always be there for him. Regardless of what transpired. Buck hated himself for being anxious about his connection with Steve, knowing that Steve simply wanted the best for him. A brother was supposed to be there for their younger siblings, and Steve was an excellent brother to him.

He told him when he did things correctly, as well as when he made mistakes. As all good siblings should do, but also protect them, even if they were wrong. However, a decent sibling did not try to exert control over their younger siblings' lives. Instead, they assisted him in selecting the greatest possibilities while also supporting them, even if they preferred their own decision over theirs.

Thinking about it made him stop in his tracks; looking at Steve, he was practically a perfect brother despite not being biologically related. He admitted that practically everything they had done in the past was problematic, but he understood why it was necessary. It merely made him wonder why his relationship with Maddie couldn't be like his one with Steve.

He thought Maddie would always be there for him, and he grew up with that expectation. But when she left him alone with those people, he discovered that love from his biological family usually came with conditions when it shouldn't. Maddie had found a new life away from their parents and had taken advantage of the opportunity to run. And then she just never bothered to talk to him. No phone calls or letters. That was it for him. He was the one who tried to contact her without receiving a single response, and then years later she simply showed up, and like an idiot, he took her in without hesitation.

She then wormed her way into his life, attempting to control him as if he were a child. And things had only become worse since the attack. She had often advised him that he needed to find a safer career and that he could never return to firefighting because it was too risky. She never asked him what he wanted; everything was about her. His option was irrelevant. He was only expected to go along with what she desired. And everyone else simply went along with it. It didn't matter if they were his friends first, or that they all enjoyed their work as much as he did. They just cared about Maddie, and Chimney had even threatened him that if he made Maddie cry again, he would regret it.

It was as if it didn't matter that they had his friends first; they simply followed Maddie's example. They told him that Maddie was right and he needed to accept it. And when everyone turned on him, he was left alone. No matter how hard he tried to express his point of view, everyone was against him. His own sister had devastated his family once more. He had found himself alone again, even though the individuals he had formerly considered family were still present; they simply no longer cared about him. Exactly like his biological parents.

Buck was so immersed in his thoughts that Steve's voice burst through: "Can I ask you something?"

Buck looked up and turned to face his brother, who was simply sitting there looking worried at him. Had Steve been calling his name for a long, which was why he appeared so worried? Because he had been so engrossed in his thoughts that he had practically ignored him.

"You just did…" Buck responded with a shrug, attempting to relieve the tension between them.

Steve looked at him as if he were trying to figure out what was going on with him. Buck used to joke that his older brother would use the expression when he wanted to explore someone's soul. And right now, he knew his brother was looking for something in him, checking on something before asking him the question.

"Just ask me, Steve," Buck ended up saying, breaking the uncomfortable silence that they had fallen into; he just wanted Steve to get on with it and ask him what he wanted to ask, and to end the silence, as he was beginning to feel himself falling back into his thoughts, which he did not want right now. Mainly because he saw Steve's anxious expression and knew his brother had picked up on his feelings and was concerned about whether asking him questions would make things worse or better.

Steve let out a heavy sigh before asking a question Buck would never have expected. "Did you ever look for him?"

Buck felt his body and mind freeze in response to the inquiry. Everything appears to come to a complete stop, and all his previously felt emotions vanish. Why is Steve bringing this up now? What was his purpose? Sure, a lot of his troubles stemmed from his life crumbling after losing his one true love, but he couldn't blame anybody except himself for his actions. He was hurt, but it had to happen. He would never force someone to stay in a relationship they were unhappy with; that would be wrong.

However, he couldn't help but feel betrayed because he hadn't anticipated it. He had spent the following three days in bed after what Steve termed D-day, vomiting everything he tried to eat. Steve had even had one of the nurses he knew come over and hook him up to an IV because he had been so dehydrated.  It had taken him a week to be able to stand without dizziness, and another week to plot his escape from his new hell hole of life.

"Is this really what you want to talk about?" He managed to blurt out because when he first opened his mouth to speak, he discovered that it had suddenly gone dry, making it impossible to form many words. He tried hard to persuade his mouth to create enough saliva to keep his cheeks from breaking, but he realised it was unlikely.

"Evan…" Steve began to speak but paused when he noticed a tear in Evan's eyes and realised his younger brother was on the verge of a breakdown.

Evan, on the other hand, shook his head almost violently at his brother, if only to clear his mind of all the awful memories he had believed he had buried deep in his head after D-Day. He understood why Steve had never spoken about him or what had happened back then. All he told his brother was that they were over, and he left. He remembered listening to Steve yell and rave about what had happened, but happily, he hadn't done anything other than express his emotions while shutting down.

"No…" Evan then murmured; he knew he needed to talk about it, and if he was honest, he had considered what his former fiancé was doing several times. Those feelings persisted even while working with the 118. Once he met Athena and his relationship with her improved, he considered asking her to look him up so he could see how he was doing and if he was happy.

He hadn't carried out his plan for a few reasons, the two main ones being that he didn't want Athena to find out about his time in the Navy because he hadn't told anyone, and that seeing him happy with someone else would kill him. But at the same time, he wanted him to be happy, even if it was not with him.

"But…" He then whispered as he stared at the floor. He wasn't sure what Steve would say if he told him that he had always had the impression that he wanted to know what had happened to him after leaving him to ensure his safety.

"But you wanted to?" Steve enquired.

Buck couldn't speak because he was struggling now; thinking about what his life could have been like and that he was now on a dark road that he had travelled before. However, he was aware that he would need to talk about it with someone. He couldn't keep going down this path every time someone brought it up; it wasn't fair to either them or himself. And, as much as he wanted to say that he had gone on with his life, he knew he couldn't lie to Steve.

He loved all his relationships, even those that hurt him when they ended, but none of them compared to the one he had with his former fiancé. Perhaps he would never find that kind of love again, where simply being with the other person was like breathing. But he also understood that even if he didn't meet the next love of his life, he could still be there for his family, which included Steve, Sam, and Michelle, as well as their children Christopher and Carla, May, Harry, and Athena, to name a few. His list was short, but he knew that seeing them grow and be happy would make his life complete.

Buck then exhaled loudly, closed his eyes, and nodded in response to Steve's question. He couldn't say 'yes' to Steve for some reason, but he felt that simply nodding his head would be enough for his brother to understand.

They both became silent after that, Buck trying to repress his feelings and Steve hovering over him as he quietly broke down. However, what Steve said next led Buck to lose almost all control.

"You still love him." Steve's comments struck Buck like a lightning bolt, and his eyes widened and darted to look at Steve in disbelief.

Buck knew that Steve's statement was not a question. He was making a statement, and part of him wanted to tell his older brother, who had witnessed his collapse after D-Day, that it wasn't true. That he had stopped loving his ex after so long. He had moved on several times and that, while he was not with anyone and wanted his ex to be happy, this did not mean he still loved him. But he couldn't do that because everything was a lie.

Deep down, he knew he still loved his ex so much that just thinking about him hurt.

"Come on Steve…" Buck snapped, shaking his head, attempting to clear his memory of his ex's face, which had suddenly appeared. "I've been with him since I was nineteen," he blurted out, expressing his emotions. He was aware that something was going wrong, and a few tears welled up in his eyes, but he persisted. He had to get this out: "…we were getting married and then one day he came home and told me he couldn't do this anymore, and that we were done," He hurriedly brushed away the tears on his face and screamed at Steve again.

"How do you let go of your feelings for someone you believed you'd grow old with and had been with for so long? How do you move forward from that?" Buck demanded as if he wanted Steve to explain how he could do it.

He hadn't intended to yell at Steve; why would he? Steve was only trying to make sure he was okay, and yet he yelled at him. He demanded answers that no one, including Steve, could provide. He knew he was the only one who could answer those questions. There was no urgency; they would come when he was ready.

Steve, on the other hand, did not respond to his screaming; instead, he sat there, listening to all his misery being directed at him when all he did was tell him what he already knew. "I don't know if you can, kiddo," Steve answered quietly, with no indication of rage about being yelled at, which made Buck feel even worse.

Buck grumbled at Steve's comment; why did he have to bring this up now? What was his objective in doing this? And then he realised: Steve had seen the feelings within him all day begin to erode his walls, and he knew that if he didn't erupt or simply release some of those emotions, he would break down again. And the last thing he wanted was to have another panic attack; he was already exhausted from the previous one. But also talking would let Steve know where his head was at, even if it meant making him talk about things he wished he could forget.

He ran his palm over his face and sighed again before speaking, "I wish I didn't," he whispered gently, but he knew Steve heard him. "I only want to make sure he's safe and happy. I know that sounds ridiculous considering what happened, but I care about him and want to know whether he is safe." Buck explained and hoped Steve didn't see him as a weak bastard who was still obsessed with his ex, even though that was exactly who he was.

"But at the same time, I don't want to know where he is because that meant he was right, and I wasn't enough," Buck admitted, and speaking those words stung just as much as thinking them.

He had always thought they were great together, and by the time he left, he had called himself stupid so many times that he began to feel that no one could love such a screw-up as him. No matter how many times Steve and the others assured him he was wrong, he refused to believe them. He got better over time, but those thoughts persisted. Along with wondering what he had done to make him leave, had he not paid enough attention to him? Did he have too many bad habits that he couldn't manage?

"Kiddo, you were enough," Steve spoke gently, but this time he shifted his chair so that he was sitting directly in front of him in case he was needed. "Him leaving was on him, not you," Steve said, knowing better than to mention the man's name. Buck understood why; he couldn't recall everything he'd said to his brother that day, but he knew it was horrible. Steve had come to check on him and found him at his lowest point, which was exacerbated when Steve uttered his ex's name, and Buck remembered shouting at his brother that if he repeated the name, he would kill himself.

He hadn't meant it, he didn't think, but he knew those comments hurt and disturbed Steve so much that he refused to leave him. Steve had virtually moved in with him after that, making it his job to ensure that he lived. He cooked for him (he bought more takeaway than he cooked), made sure he washed, changed his bedding and organised his washing. Steve had practically kept him alive long enough for him to get himself back together. 

"Hell, I wanted to hunt him down and make him pay for what he did to you," Steve admits shaking his head. "But I couldn't leave you." He continued, but Buck didn't understand why he hadn't pursued him after he left.

"And after I left?" Buck enquired, with a peculiar sense that he knew the answer to his inquiry. He believed Steve had been keeping an eye on his ex in case he ever met him again and wanted to stay away from him so he wouldn't be harmed again.

Steve sighs and lowers his head. Buck just hoped Steve hadn't done something stupid after he left, such as stalking and injuring his ex. "Joe stopped me, he was worried I was going to kill him," Steve admitted, and Buck knew he wasn't lying. His brother had always been overprotective of him, especially after what had happened.

However, he was confident that Steve would not have hurt his ex, owing to their previous friendship. Hell, they had been on the same team, so Steve had once considered him a brother.

"Thank God for Joe then," Buck murmured, exhaling heavily, relieved that Steve hadn't gone off the deep end and hurt his ex.

Buck could see Steve's disbelief and perplexity when he met his eyes. And he kind of understood; even though he had told him that he never wanted him to be harmed, even if he had hurt him, his brother did not seem to comprehend. "Just because we didn't work out doesn't mean I want him hurt," Buck explained again, and he would continue until Steve understood.

"But he hurt you, Evan…" Steve cried and threw his hand towards him, adding, "...Please be selfish for once in your life; he hurt you and you still defend him."

Buck exhaled loudly and closed his eyes, attempting to swallow his feelings back down. "Steve, I still love him. I don't want to, but I do," he said softly, before continuing, "If I could change anything, it would be to find out why it happened. I wouldn't force him to stay because I couldn't make anyone stay with me if they weren't happy. And I've acknowledged that I'm unlikely to ever get the closure I want. I simply want to know if he's happy, you know? Make sure he's still okay."

"Would closure help?" Steve enquired.

Buck considered the matter; as much as he wanted to have a sit-down chat with his ex and find out what had transpired to cause him to leave, he knew he wasn't strong enough for it. Even after all this time, he couldn't face those feelings just yet.

"I don't know," Buck said, shrugging his shoulders.

Steve nodded in response but did not say anything else. He knew not to push his brother any further. The topic had already provoked a wide range of emotions between them, and for two guys who typically struggled with emotions, today had been particularly difficult.

They both fell silent again as they struggled to process everything they had said. They had talked about topics they had never discussed with anyone or each other in a long time. Buck looked across at his brother, who was now leaning back in his chair, staring out at the water. Buck found himself attentively studying his brother; he understood Steve's bringing up his ex was not done to give him anguish, but rather to begin his healing.

Steve hadn't mentioned Los Angeles yet, but he knew he would soon. Steve was beginning with his ex because he knew more about what had happened between them than he did about the 118.

Buck, on the other hand, did not want to linger on his emotions any longer; he needed to divert their attention away from this topic. But he also owed it to Steve to prevent his brother from blaming himself for bringing this pain. He understood from looking at Steve that he was blaming himself for his current suffering.

"New topic, what's the case Danny called you about?" Buck asked to end the silence.

Steve turned and smiled softly at him; his brother understood exactly what he was doing but didn't stop him. "An armed robbery team is targeting homes with arson to cover their tracks; they have hit homes both here and on the mainland. They appear to start fires somewhere on the site, and while everyone is dealing with that, they go in and take what they want." Steve explained.

"How many homes have they hit?" Buck expressed interest. He was aware that Steve's task force only dealt with the most serious or high-profile cases, so this one must have grabbed the attention of the press.

"As far as we know, the total worth of the takings is approximately 2.3 billion. The FBI has been pursuing this crew for approximately six months with no success. The Governor wants us to get these guys before they strike again." Steve explained.

"Bloody hell," Buck said, shaking his head. He realised from the amount of the take that the team involved needed training, either with the army or the police, to be able to hit that many targets without being caught. It made sense for Steve to get involved if it was possible, especially if the Governor wanted him to.

"Yer, I know. I was also taken aback by the amount too." Steve shook his head. "The only positive thing about it is that no one has been wounded. Anyone present during the heist was either outside waiting for the fire engines to arrive or was not present. Steve added.

"Yer a silver lining," Buck said before returning his gaze to the ocean.

Buck knew it was only a matter of time before someone got injured. The criminal crew had not yet hurt anyone, but that did not imply they couldn't do so, especially if they had the necessary training. How Steve acted only showed him that he was worried about that too.

"Anyway, Danny believes it would be a good idea if I contacted any of the security companies and the Navy to see if there was somebody in the region who could do this. Hopefully, we'll be able to track them down promptly and safely." Steve sighed, and Buck understood why. He knew his brother detested the idea that someone who wore or had worn the same uniform as them could be doing this. It was disrespectful to them all when one of their former brothers or sisters violated the uniform. However, no one had been wounded this time. It seems that money was the priority, and everything else was done to ensure that they could obtain it.

"It's a good idea, so you can go and help them tomorrow," Buck responded, shrugging his shoulders with a gentle smile. If the people of Hawaii needed his brother, he was going to make sure he was there. He could last a few hours alone.

"Are you sure?" Steve questioned again and squirmed slightly in his chair. 

Buck grinned quietly, knowing his brother had finally got it. "Steven…" He replied with a grin on his face. "…I am an adult; I can look after myself for a couple of hours."

Steve immediately started laughing at his responses; he hated being called Steven and only got it when he was in trouble for anything. Buck had used it anytime Steve had pressed his luck with him, attempting to extract gossip from him.

Steve laughed and said, "Got it. Anyway, I've got you a present," Steve added with a grin, pulling something from his back pocket that he hadn't noticed before, but then he realised that Steve never fully sat back in his chair on his left side.  How did he miss it?

"Please tell me you didn't spend your money on me?" Buck moaned and leaned back in his chair, hoping Steve hadn't overspent on him. He even let himself drop down in his chair. He despised people buying stuff for him, and he didn't mind spending his money on people he cared about or wanted to help. He just didn't appreciate people thinking they had to buy him things when if he genuinely needed something he could get it himself.

"Tough…" Steve laughed and handed over the black box to him. Buck did not want to take it, but he knew better than to argue and pulled himself up and took the box from him.

He sighed and opened the box while maintaining eye contact with Steve. He was looking for any signs that Steve had overspent, as the man had a knack for detecting such things. But when he opened the lid and took out his gift, he found himself frozen by what he now held.

"Thought you could use a new phone," Steve remarked with a smile.

Buck glanced at the phone in surprise; it was a smartphone with a Navy grey cover with a Seal trident etched on it. The screen also had a screen protector on it, and when he pressed his finger against it, the phone lit up and the lock screen revealed a photo of him and Steve at Virginia Beach. He hadn't seen the photograph in a long time, and they both looked so young.

He remembered that day well; Freddie had taken the photo; they had just finished a training drill when they decided to have a barbecue at the beach with a few other Seals of the base. Hell, two teams from Team Six who were present came to join them.  They remained there until MPs kicked them off the beach for creating too much noise at 3 am. 

"It's all set up for you with some of the best security already installed compliments of Cat, who says 'hi' by the way." Steve finished with a grin.

Buck couldn't help but laugh at the remark; Steve and Cat had been off and on for years. He was delighted they could remain friends because Cat was one of the few individuals who could get his brother to sit down and listen. He had once assumed that they would get together once and stay together, but after spending time with them, he discovered that they were both married to their work, which left little room for a protracted relationship.

"It also has all your contacts already programmed into it along with my team's numbers…" Steve then added, and Buck couldn't help but open the phone's contacts to find that Steve was speaking the truth, but what surprised him even more was how many numbers there were. He looked up at Steve, bewildered, only to find Steve beaming back at him. "I updated your contacts and added some of the guys. They are unhappy with you for going dark on them and are expecting a text from you before the end of the day. They understand why you did it, but they want you to contact them. Please do so before Danny complains to me about an influx of Seals on the island." Steve stated but then visibly flinched when he said Danny, although the grin on his face indicated that he was joking.

Buck looked down at his phone and noticed that he had already received several texts from his former teammates asking how he was and if he needed anything. He had erased several of their phone numbers when he left because he did not want to be reminded of the most difficult time in his life. He missed his other brothers; they had been a close team, and he had developed great relations with other teams, including Sam's. But he had cut them all off; he had messaged a couple of them but never sought out directly. Something he now regretted.

"You didn't have to do this Steve," Buck sighed, although he wanted to hug his brother and thank him repeatedly. He had been dreading turning on his phone since he knew he would get a dozen missed calls and texts from the 118, but he also needed to take control of his life, which a new phone would do for him. At the same time, he hoped he didn't have to rely on his brother to bring him it.

"I understand, but you needed one. I also have Carla's number, so you can phone her when you're ready to talk to Chris." Steve added.

Buck looked up, shocked, before scrolling down and discovering that Steve was speaking the truth. Carla's phone number was right in there. "How did you get her number?" Buck asked. He had never told Steve about Carla, so how did he know he'd need her phone number? How did he get that? All those questions flashed through his mind.

Steve laughed and shrugged, "I am pretty much a cop Bomber…I also have a friend that has connections everywhere, she got me the number." He finally admitted, and Buck couldn't help but laugh.

Buck sighed and clutched the phone securely in his fingers. He hated himself all over again for leaving his brother out of his life, especially Steve. Why had he punished them for his chaotic life? He knew at least three of his older brothers had married and had children, and he had missed it all. Just because he couldn't control his emotions.

After a few minutes of silence, Buck found his voice: "Thank you, Steve." It was all he was able to speak.

He looked up to see Steve smiling sweetly at him, and without thinking, he found himself being drawn into an embrace. Steve must have realised he needed it, but he didn't want to ruin the moment by asking him how. Instead, he just nuzzled into Steve's neck, as he did before.

"You're welcome, little brother." He heard Steve say something to him as he kissed his head. He didn't mind that it wasn't very manly of them. He simply wanted to feel safe again, and the safest place he knew was in Steve's arms. In contrast to others, his brother would never disappoint or upset him.

Buck secretly dreamed he could have everything he ever wanted: a family, a life with the love of his life, his own home, and friends who would support and defend him without questioning his sanity. However, for some reason, he kept messing everything up, so he promised Steve right then and there that he would not mess this up.

He would be better for Steve and his team. He promised himself that he would help him whenever he could and that he would use the money to ensure that he looked after his new home better than he had in Los Angeles. He had planned to look for charities or clubs that meant something to the island, and Steve and Steve's team, and help them with either money or his connections to help spread their message. He knew that many native Hawaiians were upset that their history had been destroyed, and if he could help, he would.

No matter the cost.

Chapter Text

Buck had gone to bed not long after their conversation ended; he knew Steve had wanted to stay outside and talk for a little longer, but he was done. He had found it hard to keep his eyelids open for long periods because all the emotions he had experienced had sapped him of any remaining energy. However, Steve had made him eat a sandwich before allowing him to sleep. When he went to bed, he slept soundly. His body had finally given up, and the moment he placed his head on his pillow, he passed out like a light. He didn't hear Steve come up the stairs because he had left his brother washing their plates. He had offered to help Steve with the washing, but Steve had laughed at him before sending him to bed. He said 'yes, Dad' as he moved up the stairs, causing Steve to laugh.

Buck listened carefully to his surroundings as he woke up. He had left his bedroom window open, so he could hear the waves crashing onto the beach and inhale the salty sea air. He loved the water and waking up to the sound and smell of the waves; he wished he could have found an apartment near the water in Los Angeles, but he couldn't find one he liked. He had the money; that was never an issue; however, he disliked living as if he had money because he did not want people to treat him differently or pretend to like him because of his wealth.

If he was honest, he didn't particularly like his apartment. He'd brought it because Ali liked it. He liked the fact that the building was old and had a history, but to be honest, it wasn't him. He had always desired a home surrounded by undeveloped land and close to water. When he was with his ex, they were looking for a permanent home somewhere.

They had yet to decide on a state, but they did have a list of places they wanted to visit and places they wanted to avoid. Steve knew about their lists and was pleased that Hawaii was on it, so he offered to show them around. However, they never made that trip; instead, they parted ways, and he went on to travel. When he finally opened his eyes, he found himself lying on his side, and as he scanned the room, he noticed that it was full of sunlight, but not so bright as to hurt his eyes. He realised right then that he had yet to get up as early as he had the day before. He had no idea what time it was, so he lay there, listening for any noise that might indicate Steve was still in the house. Hearing nothing, he turned on his back and looked at the ceiling.

As much as he found peace here, he couldn't stop his mind from replaying the events of the previous months. How did his life get so bad? How did he go from being a firefighter living in Los Angeles with his girlfriend and a loving family to losing his family, girlfriend, and job, and now sleeping in his brother's spare room to get away from it all? And, as much as Steve tried to convince him that whatever had happened was not entirely his fault, he couldn't help but feel that he could have done things differently.

He wouldn't dwell on those feelings any longer than necessary; he needed to clear his mind. If not for himself, then for Steve, who has already made significant sacrifices for him. So, with a final sigh, he pulled himself up and hung his legs over the edge of the bed, touching the floor. And then he reached over to pick up his new phone, which Steve had given him and placed next to his bed before he went to sleep. He tapped the screen and saw that it was nearly 9 a.m.; he had slept much later than usual but guessed that his body needed it. He also noticed that he'd received a few messages.

One from Steve, informed him that he had gone to work and would be calling in at lunch to check on him. And that he had left a list of local restaurants that delivered in case he needed to order something for them. Another was from Kono, who apologised for being unable to go surfing due to the case, which he had anticipated given Steve's early departure. And he knew he had because of the time stamp on Steve's texts, implying that something had happened to all of them overnight at such an early hour.

He responded to both messages, explaining that he understood and had nothing to apologise for. For Steve, he added a note saying that if he let him know when he was leaving work, he would order for him as well and that he should let him know what he wanted. He owed his brother lunch for all he had done for him so far. And Kono said they'd reschedule the surfing for another day, possibly after this case was resolved. He didn't want her to feel bad about cancelling on him when she was out there saving lives; surfing could wait. Perhaps by then, he could have found his own board that felt right.

After sending those texts, Buck went to the bathroom to shower and brush his teeth. He knew what he needed to do today and had made a mental checklist of the tasks he wanted to complete.

First, he would call Doctor Copeland's office and schedule an appointment; he secretly hoped that he could get one for that day as he knew she kept appointments open for anyone who needed one that day. Those served as a lifeline for him during the lawsuit and saved his life several times. Doctor Copeland had been the only one who had fought with him, offering to compile a report for the department if necessary.

She had also made remarks about Bobby and Maddie's behaviour that concerned her. Even going so far as to ask him if they were seeing anyone professionally. It was strange to hear, but it did help his case. Not that it mattered; he knew the department had noticed Bobby's obvious flaws, which were most likely one of the few reasons he had been reinstated. But, as far as he knew, no one had done anything about it.

Secondly, he needed to call the department to check in and tell them how he was doing. He had seen the department's email as he boarded the plane and seen the rules that they had requested with him on leave; however, he found it odd that the Deputy Chief had asked to be his point of contact until further notice. He had heard of the Deputy Chief since his Navy days and had only met him once, but he liked him. Joe had spoken highly of him, and when the Chief was given his new role, Joe called him to inform him that if he needed anything, he should contact Muller. He didn't need or want to contact him for a favour. He needed and wanted to handle things on his own.

Lastly, he realised he needed to deal with his old, no longer functional phone, which was still turned off on his bedside table. He had planned to turn it on when he woke up and deal with the text messages first, but he decided against it. Instead, he would address it later.

Returning to his room, he put on some shorts and a white cotton shirt before collecting his new phone and going downstairs. He needed to go take his medication, just like he promised Steve he would, and eat something. He hated taking medication and relying on it to keep him sane, but he had seen how they could help as well. And he wanted to get better.

The house was empty, just as he had expected, but it felt strange standing in Steve's empty house. He'd make sure the place was clean for Steve; his brother didn't need to house him, and he could have gotten a hotel or something. So helping around the house was his way of saying thank you, knowing that Steve would not accept money from him.

He moved into the kitchen, filled the kettle, and set it on the stove. He wanted a cup of tea instead of coffee right now as he'd noticed the coffee pot still had at least half a pot of coffee. It would keep hot in case he wanted it later, but he didn't feel like drinking coffee, and Doctor Gallagher had advised him to avoid caffeine if possible. Leaving the stove, he went to the fridge and laughed at what he found there on the fridge door.

Steve had left a note, but it was not a list of places he could order from. Instead, Steve's note was fairly straightforward, reminding him to eat, take his medications, and relax. He couldn't help laughing. Steve knew him too well.

He opened the fridge, took the milk from the door, and was about to close it when something caught his attention. On the top shelf, there were four glass containers, one of which had a blue sticky note on it. He couldn't understand why Steve had a sticky note on some containers in his own refrigerator. It didn't make sense, but as he got closer, he noticed Steve's clear but messy writing on it.

His note stated that the containers were overnight oats (which he ate all the time back then and had even gotten half of the team to eat because they were so easy to eat) and that he had made sure that he had all the condiments that he normally had, such as fresh fruit, nuts, and chocolate. Knowing that Steve would probably ask why he hadn't eaten one when he got home, he grabbed the one next to the one with the sticky note.

Leaving the door open, he placed the overnight oats down on the counter and went to pour some milk into his cup before returning it to the fridge. By this point, the kettle was whistling that it was ready, so he carefully poured it into his cup. Normally he would put the milk in last, but he didn’t want to leave the milk out too long. When he had been looking through Steve’s tea collection that he was sure his brother had gotten for him, he struggled to decide which tea to try but eventually settled on Tyne Brew. It was from the North East of England, and he had tried it before and thoroughly enjoyed it. However, it was difficult to obtain because it was not sold in the United States. Steve wondered how he had gotten hold of it, but he knew better.

He left the tea bag in the hot milky liquid while he prepared his breakfast. He poured the overnight oats into a bowl and topped it with berries, dark chocolate, and roasted hazelnuts. He would have added more nuts and seeds to his overnight oats, but he didn't want to take up too much out of Steve's cupboard. Mostly because Steve wouldn't let him pay him back for them, he told himself to take only a little to make Steve happy while also enjoying himself.

Buck made his way to the dining room after collecting his tea and breakfast, remembering to pick up his medication bottles along the way. He considered sitting in the kitchen and eating, but he could hear Steve had left the back door open, allowing sea air into the home. He looked into the room and noticed something sitting at the end of the table as if it had been placed there for him to find as soon as he entered. He set down his breakfast and tea before turning to look at the boxes on the table.

Looking closely at the packages, he felt himself freeze in place as he looked down at the clear white letters written across one of them. He was speechless and shook as he picked it up, refusing to believe it. They were expensive but beautiful sketching pencils. He had used similar ones in the past, but his preference had always been for a brush and paint. It was the reason he hadn't brought them himself; he didn't want to spend money on supplies he wouldn't use very often. The package below contained an A3 sketchbook with a dark brown leather cover. It, too, appeared expensive. His heart skipped a beat when he noticed E.C.G. embossed in gold letters in the leather in the right corner of the sketchbook.

Buck couldn't help but feel tears falling down his cheeks. He couldn't believe Steve had done this; both the sketchbook and the pencils were expensive, and he was familiar with the brand and knew they didn't have sales or go for less. He hated the fact that his brother had spent so much money on him. However, he missed drawing and painting.

As he ran his fingers over the embossed letters, his heart broke a little more; his professional initials were supposed to be his married name. He hadn't started selling his work until after he began dating and knew he was going to marry him, so he didn't mind selling it under his new name. Or what was going to be his new name.

He sighed and moved away from the sketchbook and pencils to the other end of the table, where he sat with his breakfast, looking down at the table. There was a part of him that wanted to forget about breakfast, pick up Steve's gifts, and try his hand at sketching. He had no idea what he would draw; he usually didn't. He simply let his hand do what it pleased, and he ended up drawing whatever came to mind. But he knew that if he started drawing, he would get lost in his thoughts and forget what he had planned.

While eating his breakfast slowly, he couldn't help but keep checking the sketchbook at the end of the table, as if it was going to disappear. He started to pick up his phone to text Steve, saying, 'Thank you, but he didn't need to do that,' but stopped himself before hitting the send button. He was worried that if he sent it, Steve would misread it and rush home. Even though the text appeared to be harmless, he knew Steve would misread it. Instead, he planned to tell him when he returned for lunch.

After finishing his breakfast and tea, he returned to the kitchen and placed his empty bowl and teacup into the sink. He quickly washed and rinsed them before setting them on the draining board to dry. He then took out a tall glass and filled it to the brim before returning to the dining room to take his medicine. But as he placed both pills in his hand, he found himself staring at them without thinking. It was funny how, all this time, he had avoided medications like his new anxiety medication as if they were death sentences. Perhaps it was because he witnessed what could happen to people who became addicted to them; he had lost a few brothers due to overdosing on their own medications. But if he wanted to improve, he needed to take them.

With a sigh, he quickly popped the pills into his mouth and washed them down. He finished his glass before putting it down on the table. He had to move forward with his plans; he couldn't put them off any longer. He knew it was early, but he knew what time Doctor Copeland's secretary arrived at work and when she began answering the phone. He sat back down in his chair, picked up his phone, and scrolled through the contacts until he found Doctor Copeland's number. He had noticed it when he first checked his phone but hadn't questioned it because of everything else going on, but the fact that Steve knew he was seeing someone at first made him feel embarrassed that his older brother knew he was seeing a psychiatrist because of the stigma within the service. However, he was certain that his brother would not judge him for it. All Steve wanted for him was to get better both physically and mentally.

He sighs as he clicks on the number and holds the phone to his ear. He hates doing this. It was like he was admitting to everyone that he couldn't handle things. That he was simply broken. But Doctor Copeland had told him that those feelings were normal and that he wasn't broken. He just needed help dealing with the pain of his emotions, and that's what she was there for.

Twenty minutes later, he had an appointment scheduled for 11 a.m. via Zoom, which Steve had thankfully pre-programmed on his phone without disclosing his location. He had also asked Sally to update his contact information and include his address as a post office box that he had for any correspondence regarding his artwork so no one would find out where he lived except those who needed to know.

He had already informed Mr Sanderford about the incoming mail that he would have to deal with and asked him to forward it to his accountant, as he had done with all his other bills. Kyle would not have to deal with any of his bills, even though he had told him that if any mail arrived for him, he should give it to Mr Norton, who would forward it to him via his post office box.

He looked down at his phone, which he had set down on the table after ending the call. He knew he needed to call the department and let them know how he was doing, as well as provide an update on his health reports from Doctor Gallagher. So, with another sigh, he picked up his phone and dialled the department. He just hoped the department wasn't too angry with him for leaving so abruptly.

He knew Muller wouldn't hate him (hopefully) because of Joe. However, he was aware that some members of the department despised him for the lawsuit, while others had contacted him to apologise for allowing everything to happen. And then there was what Kyle had told him: apparently, there were a few Captains in the department who were eager to enquire about him. And some were interested in bringing him over to their station. Something he had no idea about, but a part of him had a strange suspicion that Bobby had kept this from him. This only made the situation worse.

Bobby had not only kept him from his job, which he had fought to return to, but he had also effectively turned his entire family against him. He had also ensured that he had no chance of transferring to another station so that he could go back to work. It was as if Bobby wanted him to quit. And he still might.

The thought of returning to Los Angeles terrified him.

However, just thinking about having to return to that life revealed everything he needed to know. He had no idea how close he had come to the edge until now. He also realised why Steve had been so concerned about him when he first arrived in Hawaii. Perhaps leaving LA in the rear-view mirror might be the best decision for him.

But he wasn't going to make any decisions when he was emotional; he knew better after the lawsuit. He couldn't help but feel this way, and being in Hawaii was like a breath of fresh air. Perhaps staying here for a while would be the best option for him. But he'd wait until he felt better physically and mentally before deciding.

The conversation he had with Muller was much longer than the one he had with Sally. Muller had initially enquired about his well-being and whether he had all his necessities. They added some small chit-chat as they went. But then they got down to the details of what they needed to discuss. Muller expressed concern about what Doctor Gallagher had said in her report, including the obvious weight loss and the psychological impact of everything that had occurred. Muller openly asked Buck to make sure he was seeing someone about it because Buck could clearly hear Muller's concern in his voice, and Buck was honest with him. He told him that he had another appointment with Doctor Copeland at 11 a.m.

Buck almost had a panic attack when he realised Doctor Gallagher's report would include the hospital's name and address because it would have been written on hospital letterhead. This meant that anyone with access to his file knew where he was staying. What if Bobby got into it? He knew right away that he would tell Maddie, and he wouldn't put it past her to come to the island with Chimney and force him to return with them like he was a runaway kid.

He didn't want to go back with them. But he knew Maddie could be persuasive at times, and if he was honest with himself, she knew which buttons to push to get him to do what she wanted. It was because of this he asked Muller for a personal favour: lock down his file, allowing only a few people to access it. He explained that he wanted space from the 118 and was concerned that if they could access his file, they would attempt to contact him. It had his new number, after all, because he had to give the department the best contact number for him, and he felt guilty giving them Steve's, as his brother had suggested when he brought it up earlier.

Muller, of course, stated that he would ensure that this was done and that only he and the Chef had access, as well as the head of HR, who was also a long-time friend of his and had served in the Navy. Buck's anxiety subsided after hearing that news; he knew his file would need to be accessible to some members of the department, but the thought that Muller would make it impossible for anyone without clearance to access it. He couldn't thank Muller enough, even though the man told him it was nothing.

When their conversation turned to the 118, his anxiety rose again. Muller admitted to him that they had missed the mark on this and apologised for all his pain and suffering following the lawsuit. And that they were busy investigating the numerous complaints that had arrived at the department since his departure. It appeared that word spread to other stations, and many had voiced their complaints about the 118. Things that had either been ignored or had not yet been reported.

Buck found himself frozen in place as his mind struggled to comprehend what Muller was saying. Did others have issues with the 118? That didn't seem right. He had assumed that the 118 had a good reputation with the other stations; had he caused this?

But Muller cut that thought short without saying anything. He explained that each complaint was supported by either additional statements or video footage. And that each complaint was carefully considered in terms of the punishment that would be imposed on each of the 118 members. Buck did not want anyone to lose their jobs because of this. It didn't matter how much they had hurt them; they were skilled at their jobs.

Hen and Chimney were excellent paramedics, and Bobby and Eddie were outstanding firefighters. People needed them, their families needed them, and if they lost their jobs, people in Los Angeles would be in greater danger because they were not there for them. He could not be selfish in this situation. He needed to think about all the people who needed them.

And he told Muller this.

Even though they hurt him, he didn't want anyone to die because he wanted revenge. He knew he couldn't persuade Muller to not punish the 118, but he needed to try to ensure they kept their jobs. Muller attempted to argue that they violated numerous departmental regulations and trusts and that there should be consequences for their actions. Nothing was going to change that.

Buck understood that, but he simply explained to Muller that he did not want anyone to lose their jobs because of this. Suspension, yes, but no termination unless they offer to resign. That was Buck's only request; he knew the department might not listen to him, so all he could do was express his options on the matter.

Muller listened to him and only stated that his option would be considered, but he couldn't guarantee it. Mainly due to the mounting evidence of all the wrongdoings at the 118. He was also very honest with him; if things got any worse, it appeared that suspension and demotion were likely for all parties involved. Muller also hinted that he was considering restructuring the 118, including looking for a new Captain to work alongside Bobby as co-captain or to permanently replace him if Bobby lost his rank.

At the end of the call, Buck realised there was nothing he could do to prevent this from happening; the 118 as they knew it before the lawsuit was over. Muller had even stated that transfers were likely, whether to different stations or shifts. The 118 was finished.

Buck remained seated for an extended time afterwards, reflecting on what he had just heard. He knew he shouldn't feel sorry for them after what they'd done to him. Steve was right. He didn't deserve what was done to him. But he knew that he was also to blame for what had happened, but perhaps he did not have to bear sole responsibility. Perhaps they were also responsible for some of it.

But there was something else going on inside his head that Muller had brought up with him. And that his spot was still available in the 118 or wherever he wanted to work in the department, and he promised him that if he didn't want to work at the 118, he would personally oversee the transfer. Muller had then gone and listed all the houses that had offered him a position on their teams when he returned, including Station 217.

That one peaked his interest. He had heard of that station, and because it was one of the few that performed air rescues, he had always been intrigued by it. He would have loved to be a part of an air rescue, and with his previous training, hanging outside a helicopter was nothing new. He had done it before, but this time he wouldn't be getting shot at.

However, the prospect of air rescue caused him a great deal of pain, but it wasn't physical pain. He remembered once when a training day was scheduled for those interested in seeing if that was a line of training they wanted to pursue, and he had requested Bobby's shift off so he could attend. Hell, he already had his boxes checked for those skills; he just wanted to get them checked off in the department too. But Bobby said no. He explained that he couldn't give him the day off because he needed him. A day later, he overheard Bobby and the others laughing about how he believed he could do it. Chimney had even commented that he was too stupid to remember all the necessary training for those rescues.

In the end, he had been so upset with them that he went ahead and booked the training. As well as swapping one of his shifts with Peterson from a different shift so he could attend. And he loved it. He had enjoyed being back in the air; it had been a dream come true. He hadn't realised how much he had missed it until he was back in the air. The trainer had given him almost a perfect score, apart from a few points deducted for laughing so hard with the pilot that he ended up crying after one of his runs. The pilot turned out to be another Navy guy Buck had previously worked with and respected enough to keep secret from everyone else. He had left the training with the offer to rejoin them whenever he felt ready.

However, afterwards Bobby had gone off on him the next shift for going ahead with the training even though he told him no. But because he had swapped with another firefighter and had it signed off by Peterson's Captain, he couldn't write him up for it so there couldn’t be anything written into his file. It wasn't like Bobby could openly punish him for trying to expand his training when it could only help the people they serve. But that didn't mean Bobby hadn't punished him for it; in the end, Bobby had assigned him three weeks of cleanup duty. He didn't make it obvious to everyone around them, except Chimney, Hen, and Eddie, who laughed at his punishment. No one ever questioned the order; perhaps he should have, but he couldn't change the past.

If he had, Bobby might not have reacted so strongly to the bombing and its aftermath. Perhaps this would not have happened. If Bobby hadn't lied to him, he might have been back at work fighting fires and spending time with his family. But he couldn't change the past, so why focus on it?

Buck was so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn't noticed the time. He had no idea what was going on around him until his phone began to vibrate on the table. He looked down and saw that Doctor Copeland had called him for their meeting. He couldn't believe it was already 11 a.m. At the moment, all he wanted to do was ask Doctor Copeland if they could reschedule for another time. But I knew better than that. Doctor Copeland had learnt almost all his emotional cues. And so he answered the phone.

The call ended after an hour and three breakdowns later, and he felt even more tired than before. Doctor Copeland had forced him to discuss a variety of topics, including what had caused him to up and leave LA, as well as his panic attack. She had shown him that his emotions were valid and that she was proud of him. She was proud that he had finally listened to his mind and body for the first time since she met him.

She explained that she had noticed that he would never let anyone else take the blame for something, preferring to take full responsibility himself. And that was right, he did do that. He hated seeing others hurt, so taking on the responsibility ensured that they wouldn't be. Well, that was his reasoning. However, this only caused him to experience all the emotions associated with failure.

She also stated that she was glad he had sought help for his anxiety and agreed that his new medication was the best option for him. As long as he took it and continued with their sessions, she didn't see why he couldn't return to firefighting if that was what he wanted. But, like Muller, she had asked him to consider himself first before making that decision. Everyone who cared for him knew he had been suffering at the 118. And perhaps returning there even after healing would not be the best option for him.

But he'd get to it when the time came. Transferring was always an option for him, and it appeared that several other stations were interested in him. However, he was unsure whether returning to Los Angeles was the best option for him. Maybe Steve and Doctor Copeland were right about that?

He also had homework for their next session, which she had already scheduled for the following week, but she added him to her call-back list in case he needed her in between sessions. She had previously done him for him, and it had served as a lifeline for him when times were tough. And that was another topic she discussed with him.

She questioned why he hadn't contacted her when those self-harming thoughts resurfaced, as they had agreed that he would call her whenever those thoughts returned, or her after-hours number if necessary. And to be honest, he hadn't even considered calling her because he knew she'd talk him out of it or get him admitted, which would only strengthen Bobby and Maddie's case for declaring him unfit.

He apologised, but Doctor Copeland said it wasn't necessary, and she wanted to delve deeper into his comment about his sister, but they ran out of time. That's why he had homework: Doctor Copeland asked him to write down every time he felt someone was speaking for him without asking for his own opinion. In addition to when he felt that his opinion was overlooked simply because it was his.

After he hung up the phone, he sat in silence for a while. He knew it wouldn't be long before Steve walked through the door, and he couldn't sit in the same spot, or he'd never get Steve to leave again. He'd be lucky if Steve let him out of his sight for the foreseeable future. And, as much as he loved his brother, he would kill him if they were forced to live together any longer.

As he stood up, he glanced down at his phone once more. Steve hadn't texted or called him, so he assumed he was so preoccupied that he had forgotten what time it was. He just hoped his brother would remember to eat. He sighed and made his way to the deck, hoping that some fresh air would help him. Perhaps he could clear his mind of everything he had learnt from both the department and Doctor Copeland.

They were both right: things needed to change, and there would be consequences for it. He just hoped that with time, he'd realise that everything he did was for himself, and there was nothing wrong with that. Yes, he could have done things differently now, but standing up for himself was the correct thing to do.

As he stepped onto the deck, he took in the sea in front of him. The waves were calm, but a hint in the air indicated that it would rain soon. There were few clouds in the sky, but something in the air told him it was coming. Perhaps not today, but it was coming. And it wasn't just a feeling; his leg began to ache as if a bad storm was approaching. It reminded him of Joe's comment about how bad weather makes his bones ache. He didn't say he was old at the time; rather, the cold weather aggravated an existing wound.

As he looked around, he noticed how beautiful the scenery was here. Even though he had travelled across the country, he had never taken the time to appreciate the scenery. Maybe after Steve finally lets him go, he'll go back and visit some of those places. Enjoy the scenery, as he should have.

But then something caught his attention.

When he turned his head slightly to look for clouds, he noticed something that hadn't been there the night before. And when he turned to look at it more closely, he felt his heart burst. A wooden easel with a medium-sized canvas attached was right next to the table where he and Steve had been talking the night before. Without realising it, he was moving towards it.

The canvas appears to be calling him in ways he hasn't felt in a long time. He loved to paint and missed it every day. He hadn't painted much since moving to Los Angeles. Perhaps he made a few small pieces while drunk one night and then stored them the next day. He hadn't given them to Mr Sanderford until after he'd been in LA for over a year and Mr Sanderford called him one day after discovering them. He had access to the storage unit because he frequently sent his finished pieces there to handle the coping and organising for his shows.

The easel itself was beautiful; he could tell it was made of oiled beech wood with a clean finish and appeared expensive. It wasn't some cheap easel Steve could have bought from a craft store. Again, his brother had spent far too much money on him.

The next thing he knew, he was standing in front of the blank canvas with his imagination running wild. He was considering what he might put on it, including his emotions, adventures, and everything else. He knew this was a good place to paint.

But then he noticed what was on the table next to him. This only made him gasp. On the table was a beautiful glass painting palette, two cases of acrylic paint (the same expensive brand he had used since the beginning), and a case of painting brushes. 

He was going to kill Steve.

Everything there, including the sketchbook and pencils inside, would have cost his brother thousands of dollars. Not to mention the trouble he had gone through in searching for them, ordering them, and shipping them to Hawaii. He was aware that the brushes were only sold by the manufacturer to painters and were extremely difficult to obtain unless someone had connections.

And then it struck him.  Steve had his contacts, which gave him access to Mr Sanderford, who could have easily made some calls to obtain everything he needed. He wasn't sure whether he should be angry with his agent or give him a pay raise for all of this. Had Steve planned all of this to get him to start painting again?

Was Steve giving him back the outlet he had almost completely abandoned?

It was then that he felt tears fall from his eyes, which he had not realised had begun to form.  God, he missed painting. Being able to express himself without worrying about what others will say about it. Or how unappealing it was or how it made no sense. Or that he acted childishly. He used art to show everyone his true self.

He knew people admired his work, and Mr Sanderford had been urging him to finish a new collection as soon as possible, as many collectors had begun to believe he had retired or died. Which only increased his value.

His work was still being shown all over the world, and while they were all copies of his original works, they were still valuable. He also lent out many of his works to small galleries that were just getting started in the world, allowing other small-time artists to show their work and gain exposure.  He was aware that a New York exhibition in which one of his desert pieces appeared had prompted two other young artists and their work. One of them he had found out was doing very well for themselves now and had even been interviewed only a month ago, thanking the mysteries ECG for allowing her work to be shown alongside his because it had allowed her work to be seen.

Making someone else's dreams come true was all he needed as a thank you.

Painting had saved him so many times before, and perhaps it could again?

Looking back out at the sea from behind the easel, he felt his heart skip a beat; he had an idea. Maybe it would work, maybe not, but he had to try. His work had helped so many people before; perhaps it can do so again.

Without thinking, he picked up the brush and twirled it between his fingers. He had an idea. And he planned to stick with it until the idea failed or he ran out of canvases.

Chapter Text

May enjoyed spending time with her father in his nice flat, which he shared with David. But it wasn't home. Home was her mom's house; it was where she grew up and the only home she knew. Nothing could take that from her. But right now, she didn't want to stay there. The dark mood that permeated the house was oppressive. She had no idea what it was about, but she was certain that it was bad.

She was just grateful that they had their father's home to hide in for the next few days, hoping that things would improve before they had to return home. She sensed tension between her mom and Bobby, which made her worry even more; she hadn't felt tension like this since her parents divorced. Were Bobby and Mom going the same way? She didn't want that; her mother was happy with Bobby, and she hadn't seen her happy in a long time. It would kill her if they parted ways over whatever had happened. She had tried unsuccessfully to find out what was going on between her mother and stepfather. Neither of them was speaking. She did know one thing, though: it was about her adopted older brother.

May wasn't stupid, and she knew enough about the lawsuit and the problems it caused based on conversations she overheard. And she had conducted her own research. She had conducted a thorough investigation into the lawsuit and what had occurred, blaming it on having a police officer as a mother, but she had not been pleased with her findings. According to what she had learnt, the lawsuit stated that Bobby had discriminated against Buck during his recovery, and there was apparently enough evidence to prove his point. Thinking back, she remembered her mom and Auntie Hen talking about Uncle Chimney's quick recovery from his car accident and stabbing. Bobby had not stopped him then, nor had he made him jump through so many hoops. 

During her search, she came across a blog containing insider information about the lawsuit; whoever was writing it appeared to be on Buck's side throughout. They even brought up the fact that the LAFD had not checked the actual doctor's report on Buck's recovery regarding his blood clotting issues and had even stated that it was discovered to be related to the metalwork in his leg, not overexertion, as Bobby had told everyone.

She was furious with him for Buck when she read those things. Bobby had railroaded her brother.  According to the blog, Buck was offered millions to settle with the department and the city. That part shocked her, and based on how the blog was written, it appeared that the writer was also shocked when Buck agreed to drop the lawsuit if he was reinstated, which he clearly was.

Why would her brother turn down millions for a job?

Even if she had the best job in the world and loved it with her whole heart, she would have accepted the money. That amount would mean she was financially secure for the rest of her life and would not have to work another day. She could move to a beach and have fun. Buck, on the other hand, did not do that; instead, he declined the money, which she didn’t understand until she remembered what kind of man Buck was. He liked helping people. That was simply who he was.

She had always liked Buck since the first time she heard about him, and she still did when they first met. He wasn't bad-looking, and many of her friends began to fawn over him after she posted a photo of them together at one of their family barbecues. But he had always treated her like a brother since she met him. There's nothing more. Sure, he was fit and knew all the girls liked him, but there was no romantic connection between them. Regardless of what anyone else said.

Her brother loved them and would go to any length for the family, which is why the lawsuit had such a negative impact on everyone, including Buck. Buck had only been standing up for himself, which he did not do very often. Perhaps it was a stupid decision, but she couldn't hate him for it. Otherwise, she would have to hate herself because she had also made some stupid decisions.

Just thinking about it, she couldn't understand how this had happened; she knew things between Bobby and Buck had been strained after the bombing, but Buck's decision to file a lawsuit only confirmed her suspicions. One night after the lawsuit began, she had returned home early from the movies and hoped to speak with Buck, who she knew was having dinner with her mother and Bobby that night, but when she arrived at the house, she hadn't seen Buck's truck. It was strange because she had assumed Buck would still be there. When she walked into the house, she could hear Bobby and her mom arguing about something. She had no idea what was going on, but she had heard her mom yelling at Bobby for lying to Buck.

It only took a few more conversations overheard to figure out what was happening. To say May was upset was an understatement. Bobby had been the driving force in keeping Buck from returning to work. May could not understand why because Buck had received a perfect score at the academy. He had called her after getting his scores, and they had gone out for a celebrity lunch. She hadn't seen him this excited when he told her about it; he even laughed when he told her that he had the most people watching him out of all the firefighters.

May had grinned at that comment, knowing that her brother had been watched by so many firefighters, which only demonstrated how good he was. Buck had told her that some of them had even been Captains from other stations. She had joked that they were trying to poach him for another station, but he just shrugged and said he wanted to get back to the 118. May admired Buck's loyalty to the 118; when he helped her with her CV, he briefly showed her his, and she saw all his qualifications listed. She was certain that no one else at the 118 had that many certificates or qualifications, which only proved that Buck was unique, and it was foolish to believe that none of the other fire stations were looking at him.

But now something else had happened.

The tension in the house had only recently emerged. Sure, there was some tension due to the lawsuit, but this was something new and unexpected. She tried to contact Buck and texted him to see if everything was okay. He was her brother after all, and she needed to make sure he was ok. But what hurt more was when Bobby told them that they weren't allowed to contact Buck during the lawsuit and that the lawyers had told him that they were not allowed to contact him nor could any of their family.

But it felt wrong to May; she couldn't abandon her brother like that. So she began messaging him on Facebook so that no one else would find out she was talking to him. Buck never abandoned her. He was always there for her, regardless of the time of day. After he was hurt, they messaged him almost every day for a while. He was the person she complained to about school, boys, and even her parents.

Hell, she had broken up with her ex after telling Buck that he appeared to be only interested in dating her for the sake of dating someone. Buck was also the one who kept her on track in her studies; she could call him whenever she got stuck on a project or needed help with her homework. It didn't matter; Buck would always help her out.

Yesterday, however, was the breaking point for both her and Harry. They had returned home from school to find their mother and Bobby arguing again. But this time it looked like it was starting to become heated, so they went to get some clothes and informed their mother that they were going to stay at their father's place for a few days. They didn't want to be there when they were screaming at each other. As much as she wanted to ask her mom to come with them, she knew that Bobby would never touch their mom. But she knew that words sometimes could hurt more than physical pain. But she knew that their mom was going to be ok. When they told her that they were going to their dad's, she didn't try and stop them. She just hoped that things would get better before they had to go home.

Their father had, of course, agreed to let them stay and told them they could stay as long as they wanted. He hadn't questioned them much, which May appreciated because she didn't want to get her mother into any trouble. School had been fine, but her mind had been preoccupied with what was going on at home. She was now sitting on her laptop at her father's dining room table, checking Facebook to see if Buck had responded to her message.

She messaged him while she was at school; he hadn't been online in a while, but she hoped he'd see it and respond, but he hasn't. Buck usually answered him, so this was unusual. Sometimes it took several hours, but he always responded. And, according to social medic, Buck hadn't been online in weeks.

He'd gone dark, which worried her. What was happening? Nothing made much sense.

May's thoughts were interrupted when Harry entered his room, where he had been hiding since they arrived. They hadn't really discussed what was going on at home, but they knew they would sooner or later.

"May…" Harry began to speak as he stood next to her, staring at her screen but pretending not to. "...do you know what's going on with Mom and Bobby?" He asked, shuffling his feet as he spoke.

May knew Harry was scared and worried, just like her, but he always had trouble expressing it. And all of this tension was bad for them. She sighed and turned away from her laptop; she didn't want to lie to her brother, but she also didn't want to reveal what she knew. Harry adored Buck, just like she did. He admired him and saw him as someone to look up to as he grew older. And telling him that their stepfather hurt their older brother was not something she wanted him to know because Harry would be unable to hold it all in. He would investigate and potentially harm their relationship indefinitely. And that was not fair to Harry. She would inform him once she knew more.

"Not a clue," she replied. She'd keep Harry in the dark until she learnt more so that Harry knew all the facts before making any decision on his relationship with their stepfather. Alternatively, they would let Bobby and their mother tell them themselves. That might be better; at least she wouldn't mix up the facts.

Harry fell silent for a few moments, prompting May to turn in her seat and look at her brother more. She could tell he was uncomfortable talking about it, but she also understood why Harry wanted to know what she thought. If she felt the same way, it meant he wasn't overthinking the situation.

"Do you think they'll divorce? Harry asked softly, looking down at his feet.

May looked at her brother closely and saw the fear on his face when he asked that. Their parents' divorce had been difficult for both of them; they hadn't discussed it much, but it had essentially imploded their lives. It had taken a long time for them to feel comfortable again, so the prospect of going through another divorce was terrifying. Both of them liked Bobby, and he was good for their mom, but if this ended in divorce, they wouldn't have to go through that grief again but thankfully not as bad as before. They would miss Bobby, but it wouldn't be as bad as losing their father.

"I don't know Harry," May responded honestly.

They both fell into silence once against. However, May became distracted by checking her Instagram to see if Buck had messaged her back on that app instead, with no success. Buck had not been on either platform. It was then that she noticed that Buck hadn't posted anything since a few days after the tsunami, it was a white candle for the victims who had died in the disaster. She had shared a similar message, but Buck went on to thank all of the emergency services and volunteers who were assisting with the aftermath.

However, Buck had included a line about the victims who had died at the end of his post. If she hadn't known Buck, it would have read as a heartfelt tribute to those who had died, but she did. He was apologising to those he could not save. It broke her heart to think Buck was blaming himself, but that was just him. He cared, perhaps a little too much.

The sound of one of the chairs next to her moving broke her concentration, and she turned to see Harry sitting next to her, holding his phone. However, she could tell he was also watching what she was doing.

"Do you think it has something to do with that letter from the department asking Bobby to for some meeting?" Harry asked nervously.

May froze in her seat; what was her brother talking about? Which letter? Then it occurred to her: she had overheard some information from one of her mother's fights with Bobby that stated that the department had the authority to punish him for what he had done to Buck. Something about creating an unsafe environment or something like that. She didn't understand what her mother was saying, but she knew it was about Buck.

"How do you know that?" She asked her brother. Had Harry been looking through Bobby's mail?

"I saw the letter on the table, and I overheard Mom saying that he had to pray that he could keep his job after this." Harry shrugged his shoulders and added nothing else.

May rolled her eyes; getting information from her brother could be difficult at times, especially since he was aware that he could face serious consequences for snooping on both of their parents.

"And what did Bobby say after?" May enquired. If her brother had more information about what was going on, she might be able to piece together a better picture of the situation.

"Only that he may have approached it wrongly, but he was only doing what he believed to be right. That he knew what was best for everyone," Harry spoke as he spun his phone around in his hands.

"Was there anything else you heard?" May enquired.

"Only that mum said that he needed to have a really good look at himself and see that he was wrong in this case before it was too late." Harry then added. But then he looked at May, and she saw that her brother was very concerned about everything. And she knew her younger brother wasn't stupid. He knew their parents would only fight like this over one of their children. Buck was the only person who had gone missing.

"It has to do with Buck, doesn't it?" He asked quietly.

May froze again and returned to her laptop, only to see that she had left Buck's Instagram open on her laptop.  She also guessed that Harry, like her, had tried to contact Buck but had received no response. Their brother's disappearance and their mother's fight with Bobby happened around the same time, and Bobby hadn't been inviting Buck over as much as before which only strengthened their view that Buck was the reason for all the fighting.

After the lawsuit, May attempted to message Buck several times to invite him over for dinner or to inform him of the barbecue's time, but he always responded the same way. He appeared to be preoccupied or under the weather. She should have known it was a lie and gone to see him. It was like he was avoiding them as much as possible. Maybe she could have helped stop everything.

"I don't know for certain…" May began to speak, but a noise from the front door caused her to jump and close all tabs to her home screen immediately. Harry even jumped at the sound of the front door opening and closing, and they both stood up.

"Hi guys…" A voice called, and they both sighed in relief. It was only their dad.

"Hi Dad," they both said, trying to calm themselves down, but May noticed he was looking at them, and she knew right away that their dad knew something was wrong.

"What are you two talking about?" He asked as he set his briefcase and planning case on the table. Michael kept a close eye on his kids; he was not a police sergeant like his ex-wife, but he was aware that something was wrong with his kids. They had shown up unexpectedly, asking if they could stay for a while. There is no content or reason why. He texted Athena to see if everything was okay, and all she said was that something was going on with Bobby and that she was handling it. But he did ask if it was okay if the kids stayed at his house until the situation was resolved. He wanted to push harder; after all, these were his kids, but he'd been married to Athena for a long time and knew better. Athena would handle whatever was going on with Bobby; all he needed to do was be present for their children. That is something he can do.

May and Harry exchanged silent glances as they contemplated what they would tell their dad. They didn't want to drag their mother into it with him because their mother and father's relationship had recently improved, and they didn't want to jeopardise it. However, they did not want to lie to their father.

"Mom and Bobby have been fighting, we were just trying to work out why." Harry ended up admitting.

May was taken aback by Harry's statement, but she admired him for it. He had told their dad what he needed to know without telling him everything; perhaps her brother had been hanging out with Buck too much, as she had seen him do the same with their mother on several occasions.

"Did you work out what about?" Michael enquired; he had already guessed that something was going on and knew it was bad because Athena had let the kids come to him while she handled whatever was going on. He also knew that both of his children were extremely intelligent and shared their mother's desire to discover the truth. So he wasn't surprised that they were already looking for an answer to why this was happening.

"No, but we think it's to do with Buck." May admitted. She knew she shouldn't drag her dad into this, but she also knew Buck held a special place in her father's heart. It may not be as strong as her mother's, but her father cared about Buck.

"Are you sure?" Michael enquired, worried; he liked the kid. Athena had basically adopted him, and he loved having him around, as did the kids, who thought of him as an older brother. He was also very easy to talk to. And, based on what David had told him, Buck was very interested in his hospital research and showed compassion when he told him about the difficulties, he was having in obtaining funding for his research.

Three weeks later, David had almost come in dancing, and he remembered that they had a great time that night. It turns out that his research was entirely funded by an anonymous donor. The next day, with a hangover, David joked that Buck might be his good luck charm because they had been communicating frequently since the initial discussion about the research's goals and had even allowed him to broaden the study to include more patients.

"Pretty sure, but we can't be sure," May admitted that she couldn't be completely certain that the fight was about Buck, but with all the evidence she had found she doubted it was about anything else.

"Look…" Michael began to speak as he approached his kids and rested his hands on the backs of the chairs in front of him. "You can only support your mom. Ok?" Michael added as he carefully examined the kids. They reminded him so much of their mother; they only wanted to help others, but this was something they couldn't help with this time. He needed to remind them that they were still children and that whatever was going on with their mother and stepfather was their business. Not theirs.  "Got it?" He asked, hoping they'd understand that being there for their mother was their only responsibility, not trying to fix what was wrong.

"Got it." They said it at the same time.

"Good," Michael said, laughing and shaking his head mainly to himself. He knew that no matter what he said, his children would do what they believed was right. Even if it landed them in trouble.

Harry soon announced that he was going to go play video games and left for his room, leaving May and her dad alone. May wanted to go into her room with her laptop and continue her search for Buck, but from the looks her father was giving her, they weren't finished talking. May sighed, this conversation was going to be fun. Instead of running to her room like Harry had, she sat back down at her laptop and checked her emails, hoping that her father would not interrogate her too much.

"So how's the college hunting going?" Michael enquired as he moved around the table to fill Harry's vacant seat.

May sighed before checking her inbox, which showed that there were no new emails. College had recently become a topic of discussion, with both her mother and father enquiring about her progress. She never understood why they made the college application process so difficult when most jobs now require a college degree. It drove her insane.

"Good," She began with a sigh before turning to face her father more. "I haven't heard back from some of them and still waiting for an answer from my top three." She explained. She hadn't told her parents about her top three choices, primarily because none of them were in Los Angeles. She knew her parents had expressed their preference for a nearby college, so she wouldn't have to spend too much money on housing, but she still wanted to get away. She didn't want to go too far, but she needed to consider her future.

"There is still time, don't read too much into it," Michael said as he pulled her into a one-armed hug, which was difficult to do while sitting, hoping May would get the hint that he wasn't worried. She was a great kid with excellent grades; those colleges would be foolish not to accept her.

"I know, I've been looking into some of the scholarships that the schools offer. If I don't get any, there are always student loans." May explained as she shrugged and stared at her laptop screen. She was aware that colleges were expensive, but when she researched becoming a child psychologist, she knew it was what she wanted to do.

Her parents forced her to seek counselling after her suicide attempt, and after she recovered, she began volunteering at the counselling centre on weekends. She hadn't told her parents, but the centre manager had said she had a real talent for getting the other kids to open up. She had even helped another girl open up more about her abuse which ended with her abuser doing time. When she was considering what career, she wanted to pursue, she considered following in her mother's footsteps and joining the police force, but she wasn't cut out for it.

Michael sighed; he despised the fact that, despite his and Athena's jobs, May would have to rely on student loans or scholarships to get by. They had attempted to build a substantial college fund for both of their kids, but it had not been sufficient to cover all expenses. It would help them, but not entirely.

"I am sorry we couldn't do more for you, kiddo," Michael said with a sigh; he didn't like the idea of his children going into debt to make a better life for themselves.

"No, it's fine." She argued, shaking her head, knowing that both of her parents had worked hard to raise as much money as possible to help her. And she was grateful because it meant she didn't have to take out a large loan. She could handle any situation that presented itself.

"I went over my opinions with my guidance counsellor at school, and there are scholarships available for which I can apply, but I won't know if I've received them for another month or two. If not, I have budgeted for a sufficient loan at each school, just in case." May explain. She had prepared for almost every possible scenario so that when she received her acceptance letters, she could show her parents that she had everything under control.

"So what are you up to?" Michael asked, pointing to the other tabs that were open but not visible.

May kicked herself for not completely closing the tabs or being aware that her father would see them. "Nothing," May replied. But she knew her father would not believe that he wasn't stupid. He could tell she was hiding something but didn't know how much to tell him. She didn't want to upset him or cause additional problems.

"May…" Michael began to speak but stopped when he noticed the worry on his daughter's face and knew she was hiding something.

"I was trying to talk to Buck…" May began to open her social media tabs and show her dad all the messages she had sent to Buck, "...but his phone was turned off and he was not responding to my Facebook messages." She explained, throwing her hands up at the screen.

"I just wanted to make sure he was ok." She said sadly and leaned back in her seat, defeated. Her older brother was missing, not responding to her, and, based on what she heard from her mother's fight, had possibly left the city.

Michael could see and hear the pain in his daughter's expression and voice. It hurt him to hear it; she must have been so worried about Buck that she was killing her not knowing that he was okay. His relationship with his kid's adopted (but not legally) brother was not as close as he would have liked, but they got along well. He loved how good he was with both of his kids; he had been able to be there for them when they didn't want their parents involved, which he knew would happen eventually, but it didn't make him any less concerned. However, he trusted Buck to contact him or Athena if he believed the kids were in danger.

Buck had been there to support his kids and, in some ways, himself through difficult times. He had helped both him and David in so many ways that he hadn't probably thanked him fully yet. He had helped them move into the apartment when they first got it without being asked, which was a huge help because Bobby and Athena had a thing and no one else seemed available. Buck, who was still recovering from the bombing, assisted him in carrying things up and building his office furniture. Above all, he had simply accepted him and David. Something nobody else had done. Not even his children.

Maybe it was because he had been married to their mother for so long, or something else, but they were hesitant when he first told them he was dating someone, and within a few months, they were living together. He knew they were moving a little quickly, but everything felt right when they started talking together, and with David's rent up for renewal, it made sense to look now. Then they found a place closer to the hospital, but there was some pushback about renting the place.

He had complained to Buck about it when he dropped something off for May at their old address about how the new landlord was causing problems with their contract for their new place. Buck had said that he knew someone who might be able to help them. A day later, they received a call from the property manager, who said that the owner had finally sent through the paperwork ready for them to sign and had even knocked down the rent for them to apologise for all the messing around he had done, as well as for David been a doctor. He'd asked Buck about it later, and he said he knew someone who knew the owner and had spoken with him, giving him a good reference and how difficult it was to find doctors who cared so much that they would choose to work at a local hospital instead of some big-name private company hospital.

Whatever he did, he saved them the stress of looking for another place and some money. He had thanked him several times and even invited him to dinner with him and David, which he did attend but appeared distracted. He was aware that the lawsuit was still ongoing, but something wasn't right. David had told him privately after Buck left that he was concerned that Buck was losing weight at an unhealthy rate, and something was clearly going on with him as he wasn't acting like himself.

He knew what stress could do to a body and assumed that the stress of the lawsuit was causing the weight loss, but after it was all over, and Buck was back at work he had thought he would get better. That was until he had called into the station once to give Bobby something for Athena because he was leaving for New York to finish a job he had been working on, only to find Buck looking even worse than he had that night cleaning the floor near one of the fire engines. He had wanted to approach him, but the moment he took a step forward, Buck looked up at him, shook his head, and vanished.

He wanted to go over and demand Buck explain what was going on because the kid looked sick. But he was so concerned about messing up the job that he didn't pursue it. He had sent him a quick text asking if everything was fine, but he had not heard back. And had forgotten to follow up with him when he came back.

He looked at his daughter and hated himself even more; if Buck had been blood-related, he wouldn't have let a job stand in his way. He would have worked to get answers, cancelled his trip, and focused on getting his kid healthy again. But he hadn't done that with Buck; he may not be his biological child, but he was family. And he'd let him down.

But he wasn't going to let May down; he'd support her and Harry through whatever it was, and he'd work to help Buck as well. He sighed and took hold of May's hand. "Perhaps he's taking a break from everything and spending time away from social media. Maybe he just wants to get away," Michael suggested, squeezing his grip on her hand to offer her some comfort. 

May began to say "But..." but Michael interrupted her.

"But he's your brother, and you're worried, as any good sister would be," Michael said, smiling softly.

May gave a small smile and nodded, "yer." She spoke softly before returning to her computer with a sigh.

"He will get back to you when he is ready. He can see you're concerned about him; just give him some time." Michael pointed to all the messages she'd sent him.

"Yer," May said, nodding, but their conversation was cut short when her computer beeped.

She looked at it, surprised; she had set her laptop (or Buck had) to only sound for emails that were marked as important. She quickly checked her email to see if any of the colleges had responded.

"An email from one of the colleges?" Michael enquired, noting that May had immediately opened her emails, but based on the confused expression on her face, he assumed it wasn't or hoped it wasn't a rejection from one of the colleges.

"No, it's from some law office," May said, perplexed.

She had never heard of this law firm before, so instead of opening it, she quickly searched the name to ensure it wasn't spam. "It's from some law firm based in Washington DC."

She was shocked when she opened the firm's website, it looked very professional and expensive. Their main offices in Washington looked like the firm had a lot of money and they had offices all across America. She had also searched to see what type of law they practised to see if that helped at all to work out why they would contact her, but they worked in a variety of areas of law.

"What does it say?" Michael enquired, worried. He had also clocked the website of the law firm. Whoever they were, they were wealthy; what did they want with his daughter?

May then reopened her emails and clicked on the email. And the sender appeared to be official. The email had the law firm's name across the top, followed by what appeared to be the names of its directors and their qualifications. They matched the website, so it appeared real enough.

The email reads:

Dear Miss May Grant,

We are writing to inform you, per our client's instructions, that a trust has been established in your name to cover all education payments, if necessary, or for you to access once you reach the age of twenty-one.

Michael appeared stunned by what the email said. That couldn't be right; someone he had no idea had set up a trust in May's name. "What the hell…?" He muttered but continued reading the email.

All we ask is that you notify us of the college to which you have been accepted and provide us with your acceptance letter as soon as you receive it. We will then contact your chosen school to discuss payment. This fund was established to cover your accommodation, tuition, and living expenses for the duration of your studies, with the option to cover any future studies you desire.

Please find attached a letter from our client, which they requested we send to you with this email.

"Oh my god," May whispered. She couldn't believe it. Whoever established this fund had effectively saved her from ever having to take out loans or worry about not receiving scholarships. However, it did not make sense. Who would be willing to set aside so much money for her?

"Does it say who their client is?" Michael enquired, perplexed; as much as he wanted to thank this person wholeheartedly for saving his daughter from the hassles of taking out loans, he needed to ensure that there was no catch. He shouldn't be thinking like that; this was an incredible opportunity for May to attend any college she wanted without having to worry about money, but he had been married to a cop and knew that free money usually came with conditions.

Michael looked at May, who appeared confused, worried, and shocked all at once. "May?" Michael asked softly. Not wanting to scare her, he watched May open the letter attached to the email from their client. The letter was handwritten and scanned before being sent via email.

"It's from Buck," May whispered.

Michael felt himself freeze in his seat. What was May talking about? Based on what Athena and Bobby had told him about Buck, he couldn't afford to establish a trust that offered May so much. Even though it made no sense, he began to read the attached letter.

The letter read:

The letter wrote:

May,

I know you must be pretty shocked about all of this. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there in person to tell you the news, but I can’t.

I’m sorry to blindside you like this; I asked my lawyers to email you this letter to explain things, and I hope they did so. They are a good firm that has worked with me on similar matters for many years.

All I ask is that you keep this trust quiet; I would never ask you to lie to your parents, but you could say you have a scholarship or received the loan we discussed. I just don't want everyone to know about my business. The short explanation is that I have a successful side business that keeps me financially stable. And when we met and started hanging out, you and your brother became my family, so why wouldn't I help you out? Harry also has a fund that will be available to him once he graduates from high school. Just keep it from him for now; we both know how bad Harry is at keeping secrets.

I just wanted to make sure that you could pursue your dreams without worrying about debt. I believe your parents set up a college fund for both of you, but having two wouldn't hurt. This money will be paid directly to the school, and my lawyer will handle any additional expenses, such as housing. All you have to do now is work on your grades so you can get in and enjoy yourself. You don't have to worry about money; simply have fun.

I also know you are very similar to your mother, and I'm sure you were angry when you realised this was from me. However, in my opinion, the purpose of this fund is to compensate for all the birthdays and Christmas presents that I missed while you were growing up. And, before you say anything about not knowing you at the time, I understand. But to know that you can pursue your dreams without having to worry about working when you should be studying.

Just keep being the best person you can be. You have a good heart, and I believe you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. Everyone supports you, your brother, parents, and friends. And with that, you can accomplish anything. 

Your brother, Buck.

P.S. - I know you're going to worry about me, but don't. I'll be okay. Things will work themselves out. Just remember to pursue your dreams, not anyone else's. x

"My god…" Michael whispered as he read Buck's letter. Buck's letter didn't say much, but it was clear that he didn't explain where he got the money, other than that he had a side business that made him very wealthy. But in a way, it didn't matter. He smiled at some of Buck's comments to his daughter, particularly the last one. He told her not to worry about chasing other people's dreams, just her own.

That comment made him wonder about his only daughter; he knew that if she needed advice, she would turn to Buck, so was that one of the topics they discussed? Was that anything to do with them? Had May been so concerned about upsetting them if she pursued her own dreams, which may or may not have been to their liking? Had they held her back?

All those questions, and more, kept spinning around in his head. The thought of being the reason his daughter wasn't pursuing her dreams hurt him deeply. He promised never to make his daughter or son feel that way again.

He turned to face May, trying to figure out what to say or do next to help her understand what was going on, but her face was as still as a statue. Reading it was impossible for him, as it was for her mother.

"May…" He began to speak softly but stopped when he realised, he was using the same tone he used when Athena was in the middle of a case, and he feared what he was about to say would result in one of those hardened looks that scared him at times.

"I'm going to kill him," May said coldly before sighing. Michael watched as she closed her eyes and tears began to form. "…and then I'm going to hug him and not let go." She then whispered.

"Not sure that is plausible and who are you threatening to murder?" A voice made them both jump.

They looked up to see David walking into the apartment, carrying his work bag and what appeared to be a bag of groceries. Michael cursed himself for not realising the time. He looked at the wall clock and shook his head, of course, David was home; his shift had ended an hour ago, and with a stop at the store for the groceries he had promised to pick up that morning, as well as traffic, he would have been home by now. But he had been so preoccupied with May that he hadn't noticed.

"My brother," May sighed, closing Buck's letter but not before saving it to her laptop and beginning to turn her laptop off completely. She needed to clear her head, and staring at the screen wouldn't help. When the screen went black, she closed the lid and tried to figure out what to do next.

"Do I need to go and get my trauma bag?" David asked, slightly concerned, but with a smile on his face.

Michael smiled back at David; he adored the man and grew to love him more as he watched him around his children. He also laughed at David's comment, but he knew he was not lying. Since he began dating a doctor, he discovered that whenever David was in his car, he kept a small trauma bag in case he ever needed it. There's another one in their apartment, under the sink. That one had already been used twice, once for him when he was cooking and accidentally sliced his hand open, which they laughed about afterwards.

And then there was Harry, who had cut both of his knees at the park just around the corner from their apartment.

"Not Harry, he's fine for now…" May shook her head, "...Buck." She then added, before picking up her laptop and heading to her room. She needed to think about it and maybe ask her best friend for advice.

Michael simply watched her leave and sighed. This was such a mess; as much as he wanted to go to his daughter and help her figure out how to deal with all of this news, he knew May was almost an adult. Which meant she had the right to try to sort things out on her own. All he could do was support her when she needed him.

"Why does she want to kill Buck?" David's voice broke through his head, and he turned to see David in the kitchen, putting away the food.

Michael decided to get up and join him in the kitchen, as shouting from opposite sides of the apartment was pointless. As he joined him, he sat in one of the island chairs with a sigh, unsure how much he could tell David. Buck's letter had asked May not to tell anyone about the fund, and simply being there to read over her shoulder did not give him the right to do so.

"That's between them…" Michael shrugged his shoulders and added, "Apparently he has left LA." He was aware that David also cared about Buck, and they had been discussing inviting him over for dinner again because David had wanted to tell him about his research. By telling David himself, he could not only find out if David was aware that Buck was leaving but also see his reaction to see if he understood why Buck had suddenly upped and left. Any information would be useful.

"I know…" David said simply as he pulled open a bottle of wine Buck had brought them when he visited but they hadn't opened, along with two wine glasses.

"You know?" Michael asked, surprised. How did David learn that Buck had left the city? Has he told him?

David didn't look at him as he poured the wine into the glasses and pushed one over to him. "I overheard one of the admin staff complain about having to hunt down all his x-rays and lab reports that hadn't been attached to his file to forward them over to another hospital." He said, but Michael noticed David suddenly close his mouth before returning the open bottle to the fridge. Michael knew David couldn't say much about what he knew because of HIPPA, and the shocked expression on David's face indicated that he hadn't meant to say it.

"So he's gone then?" Michael asked, rubbing his eyes with his hand while speaking. He knew Buck had most likely left the city, but the fact that he had gotten the hospital to send all his files to another hospital indicated that he would not be returning anytime soon.

"I'm sorry," David said quietly, reaching over to take his hand in his, giving him a soft smile.

"It's ok, just wish I could have done more for him." Michael sighed, and David nodded in agreement. They could have been better friends, but they were also aware that Buck would not want them to blame themselves. That was simply the nature of his personality. 

They both fell silent for a few moments, simply holding each other's hands over the kitchen island. All that mattered was that they were together. Michael had never felt this strongly about anyone.

"We should get around to making dinner," Michael sighed, letting go of David's hand. They had two children to feed and needed to ensure that they ate before going to bed, as they both had school and work in the morning.

"Or can we order in? I was thinking pizza from that local restaurant down the street," David said with a smile.

Michael grinned back; ordering food meant they wouldn't have to worry about cooking. He also knew that his kids would eat it even if they were stressed because it was their comfort food. They used to have movie nights with pizza all the time. Also, the little place David was referring to was a family-run establishment that made everything from scratch and tasted fantastic. They had been extremely fortunate to find the place, and supporting a small business always benefits the local community.  

"Sounds like a plan," Michael replied, nodding.

"Ok," David said as he walked around the island, pulling Michael into a tight hug and whispering in his ear, "lets order and then go take a quick shower."

Michael couldn't help but laugh at the comment, which was both random and incredibly appealing to him. David always knew what and when to say it. "That wouldn't be a quick shower, and the kids are here," he said, shaking his head and kissing David on the neck before pulling away. He didn't want his children to be traumatised, no matter how much he loved his partner. If he did, Athena would never stop teasing him about it.

And from May, who once interrupted them during a little make-out session on the couch and informed him that she was going to go wash her eyes with soap. She had also said that she loved them both, but she did not want to see it. They were both horrified by it, but they had a good laugh later. No child wanted to walk in on their parents.

David sighed and pouted before appearing to remember something and grinning widely. "I'm not at work until late tomorrow," he grinned laughing.

"Sounds like a date," Michael said, pulling David into another kiss before pulling back and collecting his phone from the counter. He shouted, "Kids, we are ordering pizza…"

As he ordered the pizzas, he felt his finger brush against Buck's usual pizza order. Buck had joined them on pizza night more than once and had grown accustomed to ordering his favourite. Buck enjoyed experimenting with different pizzas, but he usually stuck with ones he knew May and Harry would enjoy so that if he left any leftovers, they could eat them. He also stopped ordering mushrooms on it, allowing David to take some to work because David disliked mushrooms.

Buck was more concerned with ensuring that they could eat the leftovers rather than taking them home for himself. He had asked Buck about it once, and Buck had simply stated that he had paid for it, so it belonged to him. He had attempted to convince him that it didn't matter, but it was a losing battle. Instead, he began sneaking slices of pizza into his bag once, but not often because Buck had stopped bringing a bag with him, making it impossible.

It was strange that Buck never took any of the leftovers home with him; when he had come around during the lawsuit, he had appeared to have lost weight, and as a result, he had been ready to prepare a box full of leftovers for him to take home, which there was plenty of because they never cooked for just two for some reason. He knew what recovery could be like and how difficult hospital appointments could be, so he suspected Buck had been too stressed to cook. But Buck said no.

Michael now wished he had pushed Buck to talk to him. If he had, Buck might have been able to have that trust fund conversation with May face to face, and he might be here with them tonight enjoying family time. However, he could not change the past. He just had to move on and hope Buck was okay. Wherever he was.

Chapter Text

Bobby desperately wanted a drink.

He hadn't craved booze since his last relapse, but it was suddenly overwhelming him. All he wanted to do was go to the nearest store and buy as many whiskies as he could carry, then return home and drink the lot. He didn't care how much it would cost him, financially or emotionally; all he wanted was a drink.

Everything had gone terribly wrong. How had his idyllic life suddenly crumbled like this?

Athena was furious with him, and he hated knowing it. He loved his wife; that was why he married her. He imagined living a life with her and growing old with her. She was the first woman he had loved deeply since losing his first wife and children. Bobby was concerned that people would believe he was trying to replace his deceased wife and children with Athena, May, and Harry. If he was honest with himself, the idea had crossed his mind. However, he was aware that Athena was not Macy. Athena was strong in her own way. He adored her and would do almost anything for her. He would gladly give up everything to make her happy.

But now he couldn't bring himself to do the one thing she wanted him to do: accept that he was wrong about Buckley. He couldn't since he was not wrong. The kid needed to realise that he wasn't indestructible, could be injured, and had been. Badly. And the desire to return to such a dangerous job so fast was unhealthy. He needed to sit back and realise that life was too valuable to waste.

Yes, Buckley was a skilled firefighter, but he had limitations that he needed to realise. That is why he attempted to limit the training he could attend. It wasn't always successful; helicopter rescue training comes to mind, as does underwater rescue training, which Buck had scheduled via the department.

He had to ask Chimney to cover Buckley's shifts for that one, which meant they couldn't attend several rescues because they needed Buckley's skills and Eddie wasn't fully qualified yet. Chimney wasn't pleased with that one because it forced him to cancel a weekend getaway with Maddie that he had planned for her. Buckley had objected when they questioned him about it the week before, pointing out that his leave had been granted and that it wasn't his fault Chimney hadn't scheduled those days off before booking the getaway. And there was nothing they could do since the department had approved the time off and training before he could stop it. But he had tried to prevent it from happening after that.

He was aware that it appeared cruel to others, but it wasn't. He needed Buckley to understand that he was already in a dangerous job and did not need to make it any more dangerous by attempting more reckless rescues. Eddie was more than capable, and after he had the necessary certificates to demonstrate to the department how highly trained, he was, he deserved to be placed alongside, if not ahead of, Buckley in their systems.

Bobby knew Buckley was one of the most well sort-out firefighters in the department due to his skills, but that meant he was at more risk or injury or even death. It was why he had limited Buck's involvement in all the other stations that were looking into him. Buck had no idea how many Captains were interested in him. Bobby knew that those Captains would just use him, putting him in danger without a second thought. That could not happen. He wouldn't let it happen. And, as selfish as it was, the bombing had been the most effective excuse to keep him safe. After the doctors assured him that he would be ok, he began to plan how to keep him that way. He had met with numerous doctors, some of whom had said Buckley might return to work, others said it was impossible, and others were unsure. He was more intrigued by the doctors who stated Buck would never be able to return to active service since it meant he would never have to see someone who, other than blood, had wounded his son again.

He would do anything to keep him away from another fire engine. It was why, during his rehabilitation, he tried to persuade Buckley to attend fewer physiotherapy sessions than the kid wanted. He had tried to get Maddie and Chimney to follow his lead on that, but Buck always found a way. He went to physio at least three times per week and once told him during a session that he was also working with a friend who operated a gym to try to recover the muscle he was losing.

After that argument, when he warned Buckley that he was pushing himself too hard, he went back to the hospital and to Buckley's doctors and demanded all the risks associated with pushing himself and told them that Buckley was doing just that. However, it was then that he discovered that the physiotherapist in charge of Buckley's case had already signed off on that plan with the approval of Buck's surgeon and consultant. And worse of all one of the doctors who had previously agreed with him regarding Buckley being unfit to return to work had suddenly changed his mind.

Once again, he was alone in his fight, with no support from the hospital or the department, which had been pushing for Buckley's return since they obtained the latest report. As much as he hated himself for it when Buckley had thrown that clot, he'd thought it was a message from God that he was right. Buckley wasn't fit to return to front-line duty. And when Maddie and Chimney told him what the ER doctor had said, he had enough evidence to inform the department that Buck would be unable to return to frontline work.

His plan had been working until he admitted to Buckley that he was the one keeping him back and tried to convince him that it was for his own good. He was an excellent fire marshal and could go far in that role since it meant he was safely behind a desk, away from any danger. He thought his strategy was perfect; he had his kid safe in a job that ensured he would never be hurt under his watch again.

But Buckley had other ideas; he had filed the lawsuit, and his lawyer had brought up numerous problems that he as their captain had tried to keep quiet. And he didn't only mean his problems, but also Eddie's, Chimney's, and Hen's. In the end, his plan failed; the department offered a settlement, but Buckley refused to accept the money, and he was reinstated despite his objections. He had told the department this, but he had been overruled. The chiefs did not want another lawsuit against them, so they let Buckley back.

However, when the chief enquired if he was happy to have Buckley back at his station or if he wanted him transferred, he'd jumped at the chance. He may not have been able to prevent Buckley from becoming a firefighter again, but then it came to him that if Buckley was returned to his house, he could stop him from attending calls. He'd merely informed Buckley that he was on limited duty until he decided he was ready, which was going to be never if he could help it.

Buckley was safe in the station while they were on calls thanks to his plan. He planned to keep Buckley busy; at the start of each shift, he handed him a huge list of jobs to accomplish before the end of the day. Buckley wanted to be back, so he would take over the task of looking after the station house, giving the real firemen time to relax.  He was first happy that Buckley had not argued with him and had simply moved on, until now it seemed. He was shocked at first that no one at the station asked him why Buckley suddenly all the tasks had, but it turned out that they simply loved the downtime and didn't want it to end. Some of the maintenance personnel continued to talk to Buckley, but they did not say anything to him. He had hoped that everyone at the station understood why this was happening, but who knows?

Then abruptly Buckley had upped and left, severely disrupting his plans, and then Deputy Chief Muller had arrived at his station and scolded him for everything that had happened. What had surprised him was how much the Chief knew about what took place, and he had initially argued that if Buckley had an issue with him, he should man up and come to him. Not run off to the Chief and tell on him. But perhaps he should be grateful that Buckley hadn't called his lawyer and filed another lawsuit. As soon as the Chief had left, he had locked himself in his office and started to prepare what punishment he would administer to Buckley when he returned.

During his meeting with Muller, the Chief had just yelled at him, informing him that the entire station was now under investigation to find out what the hell was going on with Buckley and his return along with other complaints that had been filed against the 118. With a firm warning that anyone found to be breaching the rules, regardless of level, will face punishment.  Which had put him on edge; he knew not everyone would agree with his techniques, but he knew that he could get out of any punishment, he would simply explain his reasoning, and they would understand.

He hadn't received many updates on the inquiry that Muller had told him was underway, and what he could find out, his actions were being called into question. He suspected it had something to do with Buckley's return, yet it might also have been about one of the many calls that they had attended because he knew he had clashed with several of the other Captains over the years and more so in the last few months.

A few days after Buckley had run off, he had received a letter from the department, informing him that he was requested to attend a meeting at headquarters. However, the letter's wording made it impossible to avoid. They were determined to have him there and would not accept anything less.

When he arrived at the department, he stepped out of the car and flattened out his jacket as he entered the department headquarters. He had gone over every call he had been on and understood what narrative he needed to tell to ensure that he was covered from all sides as well as gathering all the evidence that he had about Buckley if he had been the cause of this. He had assumed that it was simply with human resources (HR), as he was friendly with two of the investigators who had previously assisted him in keeping things under wraps.

He emailed one of them to see if she had any information about what the meeting was about, but the only response he received was that she had no knowledge the meeting was happening but would look into it. That was around 10 a.m., and he still hadn't heard anything; his meeting was scheduled for around noon. So he was walking in blindly, hoping for the best.

However, he was wrong; he knew he was in trouble the instant he was led into the meeting room. The receptionist who showed him to the meeting room was pleasant enough, but it simply exacerbated the situation. Bobby was shown into the room, instead of the HR investigator or one of the Chiefs, and what he discovered made him freeze in his place. Suddenly he felt like he was facing his own firing squad.

The Chief of the LAFD, of all people, sat at the meeting table, looking at him, along with two of the Deputy Chiefs as well as Muller, who had numerous papers in front of them that appeared to be after-action reports from calls. In addition to the head of human resources and the head of occupational health. There was a thick file put out between them, which appeared to be a medical report file from where he stood, but he couldn't see the name written on the front. His union representative sat on his side of the table and seemed unhappy with being there. He didn't meet his gaze and appeared as surprised as he was at who sat in front of him.

He knew right away that what he was about to hear would not be pleasant; it was as if he was on trial for something, but he couldn't think of what. Sure, he had argued with other Captains in front of a lot of firefighters about things he wasn’t happy about and once they had nearly come to blows, but he had walked it off, and since nothing happened immediately afterwards, he had assumed it was put to rest.

That argument had been over not bringing Buckley on the call, as the other Captain had requested them so he could use Buckley's skills. And since he hadn't brought him and refused to allow someone to go and collect him, they had to wait for another crew to arrive who had the training needed since Eddie didn't have the necessary training to complete the rescue without Buckley's supervision. Thankfully the patient was stable enough to wait but the other Captain hadn't been happy about it. He understood if his decisions had an impact on the patient's health, he would be in hot water. But leaving a man behind wasn't unusual; in fact, it was protocol, so he had no idea why there was such a fuss about it.

Looking across the room, he realised he was in for a fight. To defend himself, he needed to understand what the meeting was about. After clearing his throat and wishing everyone a happy afternoon because the clock read 12:01 pm, he strolled up to the chair he assumed was his, next to his union representative. He was prepared to face whatever the department threw at him; he knew his station would defend him, and he had valid reasons for what he had done in the past.

Or so he thought.

An hour and a half later, he was allowed to leave, and to say he was annoyed would be an understatement. He was pissed. At the department, the people who reported him, and, most importantly, Buckley. The kid didn't know when to quit and appeared to want to ruin his life while all he did was try to keep him safe. Instead of being grateful for this, he went out of his way to have him fired from the department. Fortunately, he had not yet been successful, but there was still time, unfortunately.

He was suspended without pay until the investigation was finished. However, based on what they already had, they had reasons to suspend him. He had crossed a line by keeping Buckley as the man behind, although he had stated that due to the blood thinners he had been supplied, it was not safe to allow him to attend calls, pointing out that doing so would put the public at risk.

However, the head of Occupation Health stepped in, explaining that there was no rule against it, and they had cleared Buckley for full active duty with the condition that he personally carry skin glue and that the engine and ambulance carry extra as well.  As a result, disability payments were terminated, potentially putting Buckley in financial difficulty.

They went on to describe how many times other stations had complained about their rescue choices being limited owing to Buckley's absence. Which made no sense to him; Buckley was no better than everyone else. Yes, he may have one or two more certificates than Eddie, but Eddie had a lot more experience in rescues and, for his service, deserved more recognition than Buckley.

It was why he had been pushing Eddie to take the extra courses so that the department could begin to use him more effectively. And perhaps enhance his wages. Eddie was the one he wanted the entire department and other captains to know about; they were the better house as a result, and they had a great time. Maybe he wanted people to be jealous that he had such a great firefighter working for him, or maybe he wanted to prove to everyone who doubted him that he could manage the best firehouse in all of Los Angeles.

Buckley, however, had essentially shattered that dream. That kid would be nothing without him or the 118. They had helped him and kept him safe, and in return, he threw them under the bus and propagated false rumours about them. For some reason, the department was going along with it. They claimed he was unfairly treating one of his own firefighters, and Buckley had every right to complain.

Furthermore, the department stated that they could not allow this treatment to continue. Other stations had also complained about his unprofessional attitude, whatever that meant. He had tried to justify himself and explain why he had done those things, but they did not appear to want to listen.

To him, the entire meeting was a witch hunt. No matter how hard he tried to defend himself, they would not listen to him. He was wrong, and Buckley was right; that was the only message he got from the meeting. So what if Buckley won the lawsuit? It was only because the city didn't like the prospect of a lawsuit against them, which led Buckley to believe he was right. This means that everyone thought what he did to Buckley was wrong.

However, he had not been. Buckley had not been ready to return and needed more time to heal and recover. And he had been quite concerned about him. But it was evident that Buckley no longer cared about them. He only wanted to be viewed as the victim.

That simply irritated him; all he wanted to do was go home and drink the biggest bottle of booze he could find. And keep drinking till he passes out. He had never craved a drink so much in his life, and he knew that if he gave himself one, he would keep drinking until he couldn't.

After storming out of the meeting after they had handed him his suspension, his union representative accompanied him and assured him that he would contact him regarding his suspension, then left before he could ask any questions. It was as if the union representative could see how much he had been screwed, just like he could. Sitting in his car, he couldn't help but let his fury from the meeting boil up as he hit the dashboard.

He had treated Buckley like a son, and he knew the foolish boy felt the same way about him. Yet he had betrayed him. The dumb boy couldn't comprehend that everything he'd done was to ensure his own safety and avoid having to bury another child.

Despite his attempts to explain himself to Buckley, the immature kid remained unaware of his intentions. He didn't care how many people he was hurting; he was just thinking about himself. He had spent the last few days talking to Maddie, attempting to figure out what Buckley was up to. He needed a plan to keep his family together, and he wasn't going to let Buckley ruin it with his juvenile plans. And with his sudden departure, he had more time to focus on it. He wasn't going to let Buckley walk back into their lives without paying some consequences for what he had done. Whatever happened with the department, the family would make sure Buckley understood that he needed to wake up and recognise his limitations, which he needed to respect.

Driving home, he discovered that he had tunnel vision. He only needed to get home; if he stopped for any reason, he'd find a store and buy as much booze as he could carry. When he arrived home, he noticed that Athena wasn't there yet. He knew she was on shift till late, so he'd be alone for a while.

Alone with his thoughts, which he knew wasn't the best option given his impending need for a drink. However, he had no choice; May and Harry had been living at their father's house due to disagreements between him and Athena, despite his explanation to Athena that they couldn't be there long-term due to school and house duties. But Athena had shot that down, explaining that they were her children and that if they wanted to spend time with their father, they could, and he couldn't do anything about it.

He messaged May several times, asking her to come home since her mother needed her and that her juvenile attitude was inappropriate. But she also dragged her brother into it, which was awful for someone her age.  He knew Harry would not have opted to stay at his father if it hadn't been for May. Harry loved his mother and wouldn't leave unless May had told him that they were. However, she did not reply to him which was so childish. This was another reason he needed Buckley to understand how his juvenile behaviour was teaching May and soon Harry bad manners. He had been fortunate that the lawsuit had prevented May and Harry from seeing Buckley as a hero when he was simply a stupid kid throwing a tantrum for not getting his own way.

Another thing he knew was that May hadn't spoken much with her mother since Athena hadn't told him that she knew he had messaged her. He had left parenting to Michael and Athena, but he had recently taken a more active role, which Athena had mentioned on a few occasions, stating that while she enjoyed the support, she was the parent. But he wouldn't let them go wild; he'd seen what a lack of parenting had done to Buckley, and if he could prevent this from occurring to his stepchildren, so be it. Even if he had to do it without his wife's knowledge.

When he returned to his vacant home, he instantly went to their bedroom and removed his uniform. He threw it on the floor without a care in the world. How could the department treat him as if he were the evil guy in all of this? How could Buckley try to damage his reputation again? It appeared that the department was merely doing this to keep Buckley happy so he wouldn't sue them again.

Like he ever would; even if he had won the last time, he was unlikely to win again. No, this dumb naive attitude was going to end; without thinking, he took up his phone from where he had dropped it on the bed in his haste to get out of his uniform and looked up Buckley's number. He was not sure why he had saved it, but he had.

After clicking on the number, he launched a text message and began writing:

I hope you're happy with yourself, Buckley! You're nothing without me and this station. We tried to make you a better person and this is the thanks you give us. By suing me when all I wanted was to protect you. To keep you alive. Clearly, you have not learnt anything, you are not as good as you think, and you have let everyone down once more. You made Maddie and Athena cry with this ridiculous runaway stunt.

You caused problems with Chris and Eddie with your actions. For once in your wretched life, think about someone other than yourself. I let you come back after that lawsuit out of the goodness of my heart, hoping that you had finally figured out where your place was, and then you went behind my back, reported me to the Chief, and made up all of these lies to have me suspended.

You better make this right, Buckley, or you'll have no family when you come back.

No other stations will want you to mess with their stations after what you did to the 118. The 118 was the best station, and you've destroyed it with your idiotic delusion that you're exceptional. Good luck finding another station; no one will want you once I'm finished with you. And I'm not sure how much you paid the other Captains to report these lies, but you better make them retract them or less.

He sent it without hesitation, as much as he knew that Athena still saw Buckley as a son and deep down, he still did even a little, he could not forgive him for this. Buckley needed to grow up.

After sending the message, he threw his phone on the bed and went for a much-needed shower. He wanted to get the smell of headquarters from him because they obviously believed he had a smell to him based the how they talked down their noses at him. He needed to make things right, and he needed his station back. Only then could he convince others that he had been correct about Buckley. He still had a few pals in the department who could help him spread the word. All he wanted to do was instil doubt in the other Captains' minds to demonstrate that Buckley would not be a suitable match for their teams, leaving Buckley without a house to go to when he came back.

In some ways, he felt sorry for Buckley; perhaps it was his fault for praising him so much in the beginning, but Buckley couldn't blame him for that. He had to accept that others were simply better than him, and he had to step back and allow them to succeed as well. Even before the bombing, he noticed Buckley's jealousy towards the others. He had been jealous of Eddie when he initially joined and felt compelled to prove to everyone that he was better than him.

That behaviour was going to stop, and he was going to make sure it happened. Regardless of what the department indicated; they did not know Buckley as well as he did. He would sort the kid out with the help of the others at the 118. They'd make him see.

After his shower, he dressed comfortably, unconcerned about his appearance, and returned to the living room with his phone in hand. He needed to tell the others about his suspension and their plan for moving forward. He also needed to inform them that the department was following Buckley's script this time, and they would most likely be called in for meetings as well. But they could get through this if they worked together and demonstrated to the department how much of a liar Buckley was.

However, as he sat down to write the lengthy message to them all, he found that Chimney had sent him a text that made his fury boil. The text reads:

Bobby, Maddie's been arrested!

She went over to Buck's place to try and talk sense into him since he wasn't answering her calls. But he isn't there!

Apparently, he's moved out! Did you know?

He's rented it out to some bastard without Maddie's permission and he's pressing chargers or something.

I'm trying to get them to drop the charges, but they keep telling me that she will have to be seen before a judge because one of the bastards who arrested her made her have a flashback and she lashed out hitting him or something like that.

This is ridiculous!

I've gotten her a good lawyer but will need help paying his bill as Maddie deserves the best. But they are telling me that she will be staying the night in a cell.

It's not right!

I've also asked him to see if he can get an eviction notice for that bastard that Buck let move in. Buck should have left it to Maddie anyway, she is his sister.

He doesn't care about her anymore since he's not answered his damn phone.

Bobby please can you call Athena and see if there is anything she can do to get the chargers dropped?

Buck is the one who messed up, not Maddie. She doesn't deserve this.

This will mess up her life for good.

Bobby was even more enraged; how could Buckley let his sister get detained, and how dare he abruptly up and leave without notifying anyone? This was the type of action that just supported his case; it was evident that Buckley couldn't care for himself and needed someone to run his life for him since he clearly couldn't. He had done his best to keep him on the straight and narrow, giving him some freedom but always reminding him that he had to be smart, as any good parent would do with their child with them having money for the first time. But evidently, that had not succeeded.

Buckley had rented out his own home without regard for anyone other than himself; did he expect them to house him when he returned? Because if he did, he was gravely misinformed. He needed to understand that his acts had consequences. He would have to deal with this himself, as well as grovel for Maddie's forgiveness, as being detained must have caused her a great deal of anguish after what she had gone through with Doug.

He may have felt sorry for what he had done to Buckley in the past, but that had passed. Buckley risked his sister's future if the charges were carried out. It just served to confirm Buckley's self-centredness.

This had to end, and he was going to make sure Buckley was aware of the suffering he had caused. All of it. No matter how much it upset him, he was going to apologise to everyone and make things right. If that was even conceivable now, he'd leave it up to Maddie. She was the one he had harmed right now, perhaps more than himself. He could dispute it; the department would recognise that he had been correct in every manner. But for Maddie, this was more serious. Buckley would need to ensure that his sister had entirely forgiven him before he could be welcomed back into the family.

And only if everyone agreed on it. If not, Buckley was on his own; Bobby needed to stand up for people who he considered family and behaved accordingly. Something the kid did not know how to do. But he needed to learn, or he'd be on his own. They all refused to help him. He would see to it.

Even if it hurt, Buckley had to learn. He'd learn. He would make sure of it. One way or another.

Chapter Text

Steve hadn’t come back home for lunch like he had said he would. Instead, Steve had sent him a quick text saying he was sorry but couldn't leave for lunch due to the case. He had promised to try to get lunch off the next day so they could go back to Kamekona's for lunch, but that had not happened either. In reality, he had rarely seen Steve at all; he was always gone before he got up, and he always arrived so late that he couldn't talk to him long before going to bed. 

When he was alone in his brother's house, he couldn't help but feel like an intruder. He knew Steve would be upset that he was feeling this way, especially because he couldn't be there to help him deal with it. This case was major, and the people of Hawaii expected Steve to solve it. He realised that the sense of taking advantage of his brother by staying in his home was nothing more than his anxiousness telling him that he was getting in the way of everything. He knew that the thoughts were not his own, and he should not believe them. But it was hard. The thoughts never seemed to cease altogether, but that didn't mean he wouldn't keep trying.

Instead of sinking deeper into his worry, he chose to move on with his life, and the only way he knew how to do so was via painting. When he painted, he could lose himself in his own realm, free of the worries and pains of everyday life. By the fourth day, he had completed his fifteenth painting. He was already talking with Mr Sanderford about putting up a gallery to present his most recent work, but he hadn't determined when or where the show would take place yet. On the third day, he had a two-hour talk with Mr Sanderford. They largely talked about his new collection and when it would be ready.

Because his work was highly valuable and the items were original, security had to be top-notch. He didn't mind that it usually came at a high cost. Not if it meant his work was safe. The other risk of using a regular mail service was that things would get lost or forgotten, resulting in one of his pieces ending up anywhere in the United States. So Mr Sanderford discovered a company that suited all their requirements; it was run by a former US Army General who took retirement hard and founded a company that transported important parcels and documents discreetly and securely. The firm would collect his art from wherever he was and personally transport it to Mr. Sanderford's house in Washington, where an exact copy of each item could be prepared.

Buck had met with the General before hiring them as part of a contract. The General wanted to meet in person to guarantee that nothing illegal was taking place. It was during that meeting that he discovered why the company was founded. The General described how he was upset when he learnt that a lost serviceman's ashes had been sent to their family by mail. The individual had been killed in Germany during World War II, but that didn't mean he didn't deserve a dignified send-off. The family could neither afford a burial nor the cost of having the body shipped over, so the man's ashes were simply shipped to them in a cardboard box. Following that encounter, he instructed Mr Sanderford not to use any other company. That was the company they were going to use, and as of that moment, he was their longest-standing client.

The personnel of the company wore clothes similar to those of other delivery businesses, but they also wore bulletproof vests designed to be hidden beneath their shirts, and they were all armed. He'd met a couple of the guys who collected his paintings and assisted in transporting the copies to galleries. He also ensured that they received a special tip because many of them were former brothers and sisters in arms or former policemen. Many of them had quit because they could no longer bear their job or couldn't afford to live in their cities. Not that he blamed them; both jobs were difficult and could break even the toughest people.

However, that was the only other contact he had with the company; Mr Sanderford was often in charge of organising the collection and delivering his paintings. Making certain that everything was in order, and nothing was left to chance. Mr Sanderford always said his attention to detail was due to him being a good Englishman. The only thing he needed to do was call him to arrange the pick-up and location, and Mr Sanderford would handle the rest. Normally, they were at his door within two days, ready to collect at the time he specified. It was a well-oiled machine, neither earlier nor later.

When he told Mr Sanderford that he was starting a new collection, he could hear the enthusiasm in his voice at the prospect of a new collection of his work. Buck was aware that Mr Sanderford received invitations to exhibit his work from large galleries and upscale showrooms, and that he had even been offered billions of dollars to do so. Buck had always declined them. His work was not intended to be seen solely by the wealthy and famous, which is what those galleries were offering. He always believed that art was meant to be free. It was why he always allowed his work to be shown in smaller, local galleries that were either self-supporting or benefiting a local charity. It gave his job greater purpose.

Mr Sanderford understood his reasoning and entirely respected them; but, during his contact with Mr Sanderford, he discovered that his work had grown in popularity over the previous five years. Specifically, due to online rumours about a new collection or the mystery surrounding his identity. Which he found humorous because he hadn't intended to take up another brush for a while.

However, as much as he enjoyed painting and immersing himself in another universe, he couldn't help but worry about Steve. As the days passed, he continued to keep an eye on Steve whenever possible. He could tell that his brother was not sleeping well, if at all. He looked exhausted and frustrated. He could only assume that the case was not going well.

Steve always arrived home at night with his arms full of case files. He'd sit somewhere, either in his office, on the couch, or on the deck, and go over them again and again as if he was checking to see if he had missed anything. Buck knew that he hadn't. Steve was overly methodical for that. Sure, Steve experienced tunnel vision at times, but it was only because he was so passionate about his work. He knew Steve well enough to recognise that his brother was feeling like he was letting everyone down. He felt that he should be the one to solve this, and not doing so made him a failure, and the thought of failure simply added to Steve's stress, which must be sky-high right now.

Unfortunately, it didn't look like he was going to get a break anytime soon. Since Steve began working on the case, he had learnt of two additional robberies. The governor was not happy about it. He had heard from Kono that Steve had been locked in his office with the governor for more than an hour, and the heated shouts they had all heard indicated that things were not going well. However, the stress of having the governor and most likely HPD breathing down his neck would make Steve even more motivated to find the bastards doing it. At the same time, that was what worried him. Steve was known for his wild plans that appeared impossible yet were carried out; however, in order to devise those plans, he frequently lost himself in them.

That was why he was worried; he did not want to lose his brother to the darkness again. So he started checking on him whenever he could. He would text him in the morning when he awoke, telling him he had taken his meds and what his plans were for the day. He reasoned that if he could alleviate Steve's worries for him. In addition, when he returned home, I asked him if he needed anything and made him something to eat before going to bed.

But he knew that Steve continued to worry for him. He would frequently message back, letting him know when he would be home (which never happened) and how proud he was of him for following to their plan. Steve had also booked food delivery from his office, which terrified him when he unexpectedly received a knock on the door. The food was all fresh from the local market, according to the bags, and it took him about twenty minutes to bring in all of the bags and put them away.

He had texted Steve a photo of the shopping trip with the phrase 'thanks for the heads up', to which Steve responded with a laughing emoji. Steve plainly found it amusing, and in some ways, he did as well. But then the guilt hit him; he didn't want Steve to waste his money on food for him when he could afford it.

Steve knew he had money and knew that he would help him out if he asked. Paying for food was nothing to him, and he like the idea of being able to cook Steve dinner as a thank-you for allowing him to stay. Though Buck knew his brother better than that. Steve only wanted the best for him; he also recognised the symptoms that he had been touch-deprived for so long that he was afraid he might do something dumb. So buying him food, having him stay in his house, and being present with him were all things he knew would show him that he meant something to him, that he mattered, and that he loved Steve for doing so for him.

But he still felt awful about letting Steve pay for everything.

It was why; after completing his first canvas, he'd bought them himself. Not allowing Steve to purchase any additional supplies and utilising his artist's bank card. Mr Sanderford had set up the account so that he could order supplies and equipment as needed, and it allowed him to send all receipts to his accountants without having to figure out which payments from his other accounts were work-related.

He wasn't scared to use that card to make purchases because Athena wouldn't be able to trace him because she had no knowledge of the account. He hoped that Athena would not use her police connections to track him down because he had done nothing wrong. However, he couldn't rule it out totally. He was also aware that the equipment he used was not the cheapest available; from the brushes to the canvases, he only used the best and what felt right for him. He phoned Mr Sanderford after seeing Steve's presence on the deck because he didn't want Steve to spend so much money on him.

Fortunately, Steve hadn't paid for all of the equipment, simply the sketchbook and pencils, as well as the easel and glass painting palette, which must have cost a small sum given the brands that he had gotten him. But he knew better than to argue with Steve about paying him back for them; it was a hopeless struggle which he didn't feel like fighting. Mr Sanderford explained to him during that phone call that he had shipped him all his other supplies which were his. They were what he had left behind when he relocated to LA. After discovering this, he felt a strong obligation to repay Steve for everything he had done.

But that also meant he had to worry about him because his brother never took care of himself when he was too preoccupied with something else. And as his brother worked on this case, Buck became increasingly concerned about him. But tonight, he had reached his limit and needed to speak with Steve about it. He needed to encourage his brother to express his emotions in a healthy way rather than bottle them up.

Steve had arrived at around 10 p.m. with three new files and dragged himself to the deck without speaking to him. Steve seemed to be caught in his own world as he dragged himself through his front door. He had before seen Steve grow obsessed with something so greatly, and it always scared him as to what could have nearly happened if he hadn't stepped in.

The last time Steve became obsessed with something, he forgot how to look after himself. He would forget to eat, wash, and generally care for himself. He had to watch his brother progressively destroy himself, and no matter how many times he asked him to stop, he refused. In the end, he called Joe for help; three hours later, Joe forcibly threw Steve into the shower, virtually forced-fed him, and placed him in bed with an IV line to sleep. And then he and Joe stayed with Steve to help him restore his strength. He never wanted to see his brother like that again, and he told Joe he'd phone him if it happened again.

He would make sure Steve ate, drank, and took care of himself, and he would not let him slip back into the abyss. When Steve returned home that night and situated himself on the deck, he had already given him a drink to ensure that he was hydrated, and he had checked on him several times to ensure that his brother was drinking it, which he was despite having to remind him to.

He found himself standing in the kitchen, watching Steve make his meal through the window. It was what he had to have for dinner, but he had saved some of the ingredients in the fridge so he could make Steve's fresh. After finishing their dinner, he grabbed another electrolyte drink from the fridge and went out to chat with Steve for a while. He knew that if he didn't sit down with him, Steve would forget to eat and continue working, and he needed a break right now.

"Here looks like you need this," Buck said, setting Steve's plate down and placing the drink next to the empty bottle before removing it so Steve didn't pick it up instead of the full one before sitting opposite from him.

Steve, on the other hand, did not look up from where he had been reading and rereading for the past half hour. "Thanks," he responded, not noticing the plate next to him, before adding, "but I'm still on the clock." He added as if that was an excuse.

Buck shook his head at the comment; unless 5-0s worked around the clock, that was a lie. He knew Steve wanted to solve this case, but he refused to let it consume him. "It's 11 p.m., Steve; the clock stopped a while ago," Buck replied, rolling his eyes at his brother.

"Not on this," Steve responded, turning the page to read the following section of the file.

"Steve, you need to take a break," Buck said, taking the file from Steve's hand shutting it and placing it back on Steve's stack. Right now, he knew that if he didn't physically remove the file from his brother, Steve would continue to work on it without eating.

"I can't," Steve groaned, running his palm over his exhausted face.

Buck could see Steve was about to fall asleep in his seat and struggled to keep his eyes up. "Yes, you can." Buck shot back. Steve always accepted full responsibility as team leader and began to blame himself when things went wrong. But not this time; he would not allow it. Steve needed to take a break from this case, even if it was only for a few hours, to clear his mind and return with a new perspective.

"You need to eat…" Buck pushed the plate of food in front of Steve, refusing to take no for an answer. "…the case is still going to be here when you finish." He then crossed his arms and looked straight at his brother.

He saw Steve glance at him as if he was trying to figure out how to get back on the case. But after a few minutes, Steve gave up and moved the dish closer to him. "Yer, you're right." He muttered quietly before closing his eyes with another sigh. Buck noticed his brother was struggling with sleep again and decided that if he could, he would try to get Steve to go to bed after eating.

"I know I am," Buck remarked cheekily, and his brother smiled in response.

"Shut up," Steve replied, laughing slightly as he picked up the burrito he had made for him.

Buck watched carefully as Steve began to inhale his food, but with just a glance, he was able to persuade his brother to calm down or he was going to make himself sick. Fortunately, Steve caught the lesson and began to eat more slowly.

They fell silent for a few minutes before Steve broke it. "I saw you've been painting again," he replied, pointing inside to the canvases, which were carefully wrapped to prevent them from harm until pickup.

Buck smiled, knowing that Steve had most certainly been checking over his work before leaving the house each morning.  Buck nodded and added, "Mr Sanderford said he owes you a bottle of scotch for getting me back at it." He then added.

His conversations with Mr Sanderford became more frequent after his agent had their initial talk. He had spent an hour each day on the phone with him, discussing the topic of his new collections as well as what he intended to do with the money raised from the sales of the pieces. It would only take less than a month to complete copies of all the pieces and place his hidden mark on them, as he had done with the other pieces. He had already sketched up the drawings in the sketchbook Steve had given him and sent Mr Sanderford images of them. Mostly for his personal records.

"Working on a new collection?" Steve enquired.

Buck grinned slightly at the inquiry. He knew Steve was happy about the idea of a new collection as it meant that he was working on something that helped him deal with his emotions. A new collection also meant that he was moving on with his life.

Planning everything that went with it also helped with that, maybe not as well as painting the pieces but it did help. Even though he did not work directly with the galleries, he had a significant impact on how his work was displayed, as well as any messages he wanted to include in his collection. He was also in charge of composing the small caption that would be shown alongside the piece, which contained its name and what the painting meant to him.

He had begun to compose a couple of them following his meeting because, after chatting with Mr Sanderford, he recognised that all of his work had one thing in common: it involved water. He knew what he wanted to do with them at that point, but he didn't want to express it aloud in case he changed his mind. He was also concerned that revealing his idea to Steve would cause him undue anxiety.

"Near enough," Buck remarked, shrugging his shoulders.

"You going to show them?" Buck knew that if he didn't get Steve off the topic of his collection, he'd wind up blurting everything out, and his brother already had enough to worry about. He was supposed to be resting, not worried about himself.

"Not sure yet" Buck answered, before giving Steve a look that urged him to leave it because this was something he didn't want to discuss.

"Okay, keep your secrets," Steve responded, popping the remains of his burrito into his mouth with a smile. This statement indicated to Buck that Steve had received his message to drop this topic, and he respected him enough to know when to pursue a topic and when to leave it alone. And this was a topic he preferred to avoid for the time being.

"Thank you," Buck replied, giving Steve a warm smile.

Steve nodded before picking up his second burrito, and after another mouthful, he paused and stared down at his food with a puzzled expression. Buck couldn't help but laugh; Steve hadn't even asked what he was eating, and it appeared that he had only noticed it wasn't a regular burrito.

"What am I eating?" Steve finally enquired.

Buck couldn't help but laugh; he should have timed how long it took Steve to realise there was no red meat in the burrito. "A crispy tilapia fish burrito," Buck replied, shrugging.

After his conversation with Mr Sanderford, he wanted to cook something fresh, so he went online and looked up what food Steve had. "I saw the recipe online and wanted to try it," he continued. It reminded him of the tacos he ate with Sam before boarding the plane. He couldn't find the precise recipe, but he looked around for something close enough, and when he came across a burrito recipe, he couldn't help but want to try it.

"It's really good," Steve stated as he proceeded to eat.

Buck grinned and felt the warm fuzzy feeling that comes from receiving a compliment, which he hadn't had in a long time. He enjoyed cooking for others and missed it. He missed cooking for his family, but following the lawsuits, no one wanted to eat anything he prepared. He once made something at the firehouse that Chimney enjoyed until he discovered who made it, at which point he spat it out and shouted at him for trying to make him sick before discarding the food. He hadn't even made it for him, but he no longer had any say in the matter. It was why he never bothered to cook at the station anymore, even when they were out on a call. He couldn’t risk it.

"Thanks," Buck replied.

They returned to silence while Steve finished his dinner. After finishing the final bite, Steve opened the drink Buck had brought him and downed it all in one go. Buck noticed that Steve looked a little better, but there were still dark bags under both of his eyes, and he didn't appear as dehydrated.

"Are you ok Steve?" Buck inquired timidly, expecting that now that Steve was fed and watered, he would at least receive an honest response. He didn't want to be intrusive, but perhaps Steve needed to express what was going on inside his mind. They had done it before, both during operations and afterwards. They would meet and discuss everything that had happened. This frequently occurred after the after-action reports and away from their command, allowing them to process all their emotions and ensure that they were okay while also identifying areas for improvement.

Buck just hoped Steve would still trust him enough to do it for the case he was working on. Perhaps addressing his worries and problems could help him even a bit.

"It's just this case…" Steve sighed. Buck could tell Steve knew what he was doing, and he was grateful that Steve still trusted him. "…we just keep chasing our tails on this, we aren't getting any leads on the stolen good," Steve complained.

Buck understood the frustration; Steve and everyone at 5-0 were working themselves to the ground on this case and weren't getting the results they wanted. He understood that everyone on the island regarded the 5-0 task force as the people to call when their issues appeared insurmountable. And he knew Steve felt like he was failing everyone because of it.

"No luck chasing the black-market connection?" Buck asked.

He had heard Steve urge Danny to keep checking any CIs to see if any of the stolen goods were being sold on the black market. Buck reasoned that selling something identified as stolen would be difficult and doing it on an island would be nearly impossible because gossip seemed to be ripe. He had been talking to Kono, Chin, and Danny frequently, checking in on Steve when he did not respond after a while, and the relationship he had begun to build with them had only grown strong now. He knew Steve trusted them to have his back, and he did too.

He just hoped they were taking care of themselves better than Steve was right now.

"No…" Steve groaned as he leaned forward, resting his arms on the table. "There are no reports of them trying to sell the items on the island, and we have made it impossible for them to smuggle them out in as many ways as we can think of. And digging into the fires hasn't helped much; we have no information on them, so we're stuck." Steve complained.

Buck leaned back in his chair for a bit, thinking about what Steve had just said. And then an idea occurred to him; perhaps Steve had already considered it, but it wouldn't hurt if he simply said it. "Maybe they have a shopping list," he added, shrugging. The idea that the burglars knew what they were taking because someone had brought it before it was stolen was plausible. However, this didn't mean that it was the correct idea.

Steve abruptly rose up in his seat, staring at him as if he had three heads. Buck was concerned for a few moments, wondering whether he had made a mistake; after all, it was only an idea. When they were planning their missions, Steve frequently sought feedback on how to plan them. It was what made them such a good team since they had collaborated to plan how they would fulfil their task, using all of their skills and leaving nothing to chance. He only hoped he hadn't overstepped when Steve offered his viewpoint.

Back at the 118, he was sneered at for expressing his opinions and informed that he had no idea what he was talking about, yet if someone else did the same, they were acclaimed a genius. In the end, he stopped expressing his views because no one wanted them. However, if someone's life was in danger, he would make certain that he was voicing his concerns in front of other fire stations since their captains would usually jump in and stand with him. When they returned, he would not hear the end of it, but at least he had saved someone's life.

"You mean that they aren't selling the stuff they steal because they have already sold it?" Steve enquired, and from his vantage point, Buck could practically see the wheels turning within Steve's head.

"Maybe it explains why you haven't heard of anyone attempting to sell the stolen items. The sales have already happened; all they need to do is to steal the items and send them out to their buyers, or personally deliver them if they are on the island." Buck stated, shrugging his shoulders, that it was just an idea. He could be wrong, but there was also a chance that he was correct.

"I might be completely wrong still." Buck quickly added. He knew his suggestion had validity and was something Steve should check into, but he could be wrong. He understood it was possible that they hadn't discovered a suitable black-market location for the thieves, and if that was the case, Steve would be wasting valuable time investigating his concept. He would hate himself even more if he put Steve under additional stress by sending him down the wrong path and causing him more problems with the governor and the HPD.

"No, but you have a point," Steve remarked, and Buck could tell he was trying to piece together the discussion in his head. "If they knew what they were stealing, it makes sense why not a lot was taken. Most of what was taken were items that were easy to get rid of or could be broken down and sold. It's a good cover, keeping us from focussing on their true aim. We would go in thinking they picked up things that were easy to carry and only grabbed a few large items since they were in a hurry to leave."

Buck agreed with Steve's line of thought. He remembered Steve telling him about all of the stolen jewellery, including some precious items. Jewellery was simple to dismantle; jewels could be added to new pieces or sold separately, and gold and silver could be melted and recycled. So Steve had a point: by stealing other valuable but easy-to-dispose items, the criminals were able to conceal their intentions and make the heist appear random. They were simply picking up items that appeared to be pricey.

"And by using the fires it gave them the time to raid the place when everyone else is busy but also gives them a good warning when the fire department turns up to leave," Buck stated the sirens of the fire engines served as a good warning to the robbers to leave, and because the fire was typically close to the property, everyone inside had to escape, leaving the robbers alone to grab what they wanted. Or steal from their shopping list.

Steve nodded, and Buck could see that Steve agreed with him. "Fires are always a good distraction technique, we've used it on a fair number of ops, haven't we?" Steve enquired, looking up at him.

Buck nodded in response; they'd used fire as a distraction a few times before, and it was usually up to him to make it happen. He specialised in fires and explosives, and he enjoyed devising new ways to make things go bang to complete tasks. He was one of the best demo guys in the unit, and probably the entire Navy, if they counted how many times, he was called upon to assist the other bomb technicians when he was available.

He had become a specialist at making concoctions that could be used as diversion explosions, and he had even improved the flash bangs that they used so that they lasted longer, giving them more time to make entry and lowering their chances of being hit once inside a structure. Some of the Seals had begun to refer to him as Doctor Bomber since he was so well-known. The most fulfilling thing he had ever done while in the Navy was to enhance the bomb disposal robots so that his other brothers and sisters in bomb disposal would be safer than ever before. Or as safe as possible in bomb disposal.

His expertise and experience also helped him complete all of his degree assignments and tests quickly. Hell, he had almost finished the course within the first three weeks, but for some reason that he didn't understand, he wasn't permitted to. Instead, he was required to attend every lecture as part of his attendance requirement. But he didn't want to bother the other students, so he mainly sat in the back of the classroom, pretending to be invisible. However, he did not waste his time; instead, he sat down and worked on another design for the Navy or a proposal describing new procedures he had developed for dealing with more volatile chemicals and new technologies that could be used to help detect them. The plan, if accepted, has the potential to save many lives. He only needed to convince the Navy to accept it and spend the money on it.

He also helped his classmates by correcting their professor anytime he made a mistake. Some of it was ordinary blunders or outdated material, but the one that really irritated him was when he tried to tell them he knew more than any textbook. He ended up correcting him every time he said something wrong after that, and he had to prove to the university that he was accurate every time he corrected him when he protested to the school and tried to get him expelled. Fortunately, with a few contacts, the lecturer was ordered to step away from teaching for a bit when other students complained about his attitude. The last he heard; he had left the institution to pursue another career. However, he remembered how arrogant the man was; he had most certainly offended the wrong person and was asked to leave.

"Yer, you had me mixing Molotov cocktails like they were going out of fashion at times," Buck said it as a joke. According to claims, he could create a mean Molotov cocktail. He had frequently told them that it was just chemistry, and that he just needed to discover the correct combination of potassium, sulphur, and sugar. It took a while, but he made it; he understood his concoction was still utilised by the Navy when necessary. It was unlikely that he would be constructing Molotov cocktails while working as a firefighter but that didn't mean he had forgotten his skills.

They both laughed at Buck's remark. If their diversion plans required Buck's specific abilities, Steve would usually ask him to devise and execute it without needing his approval. This often entailed blowing something up or setting it on fire. But then they both fell silent; Buck knew Steve was going over all they had talked about and attempting to figure out the case while Buck sat there concerned. He simply hoped Steve didn't rely too heavily on his advice and would keep his mind open to all possibilities.

Steve then broke the silence and asked, "Do you mind having a look at the fire reports that we got from the arson investigator to see if they missed anything?"

Buck seemed surprised for a moment at Steve's question. He was confident that the HFD's arson investigator would be excellent and would not have overlooked anything significant. So, why did Steve ask him to look again? Wouldn't that simply waste more time?

"Steve, I am not an arson investigator or a cop. I'm not sure how much help I'll be. Buck responded honestly.

As much as he didn't want to think about it, he couldn't help but wonder if Steve was simply asking him to keep him occupied so that he wouldn't be locked away inside the house alone. He realised that to provide a complete assessment, he would need to get out and potentially visit some of the crime scenes as well as work in the 5-0 offices, where Steve could keep a watch on him. He understood his brother's point of view, but he was also annoyed that his brother did not trust him. He hadn't experienced any more panic attacks because he had demonstrated his ability to care for himself in recent days.

"Maybe not, but you are a firefighter and a Seal who is better trained to make and cause explosions and fires than anyone I've ever met," Steve said, and Buck knew that he was right. He wasn't completely trained in arson investigation, but as a fire marshal, he understood enough to figure out tiny details like where the fire started and how long it would burn. Even though he wasn't an investigator, he found himself researching any arson incidents he had attended as a firefighter or had heard about in the press. He could access the reports online and would frequently study them to learn as much as he could about how to deal with similar fires if lives were at stake. And, thanks to his seal training, he was familiar with how chemicals interacted. However, this in no way qualified him to investigate them.

Buck murmured, "Not anymore," in response to the firefighter's comment. And he was speaking the truth. He was no longer a firefighter, therefore calling himself one would be disrespectful. Bobby saw to it. If he was honest with himself, he had come to regard himself as nothing more than a cleaner to them. Not a firefighter.

"You still are," Steve remarked softly. "… and you are also the guy I would call when I needed something to go boom or burst into flames just when we needed it too." He finished with a mischievous grin on his face.

"I plead the fifth," Buck humorously replied. However, Steve's comment that he was the one he would contact made him feel a bit warm inside. When he worked at the 118, they only called him when they needed someone to babysit or cover a shift. Never because they desired him. It was pleasant to hear.

Steve began to laugh at the comment; as a cop, he had heard 'I want a lawyer' enough times and hearing it from his own brother was amusing enough. "You're the best in the business, brother," Steve replied, shaking his head. "Even wrote some fancy papers that caught a lot of attention from the right circles." Steve also pointed his finger at Buck.

Buck smiled and shook his head as his brother laughed slightly. "It was only three papers, and they weren't that good," Buck explained. But he knew he was lying; he was proud of the papers. He wouldn't acknowledge it to Steve. As much as he loved his brother, he tended to exaggerate things. They were just study articles; nothing groundbreaking about them.

"Well the CIA loved your one on how you could use drones with specially built sensors that could detect bombs due to the chemical make-up of the explosives used," Steve said with a grin.

Buck felt himself pause; he remembered authoring that paper when he was researching ways to improve bomb disposal robots and finding it unusual that drones weren't being utilised in the same way to clear highways for IEDs instead of simply risking it since employing small robots would take too long. He'd been reading about the new technology and how the sensors could detect the chemicals in explosives as well as the chemical compounds in the battery that powered the device. Those drones might be able to clear roadways of IEDs, making movement in war-torn areas much easier, as well as prevent ambush attacks before they occur. He had been involved in and lost some close friends in such attacks; this technology had the potential to put an end to that.

However, what astonished him the most was that both the CIA and Steve were aware of the article. Because of its sensitivity, the paper was classified. Meaning it was an eyes-only paper; he could surmise that the CIA had obtained it. His solution was to employ small drones like those available in stores or online but with sensors incorporated in so that they did not stick out. Nothing to do with spying or anything like that.

"I didn't know the CIA was interested in that," Buck responded honestly, hoping that Steve might explain how he knew about the paper, as the Admiral he spoke with about it claimed that no one would have access to it unless they had permission.

"Me and Joe put a stop to them talking to you, we had a feeling they were going to ask you about stuff that we knew you wouldn't be comfortable with, so we ran interference," Steve explained.

Buck now knew where Steve was coming from, and Joe's involvement gave him enough information to avoid asking too many questions. He was also eternally grateful that Joe was in both Steve's and his life. He'd never wanted to work for the CIA; he'd worked with a few agents in the past, but he knew he wasn't cut out for spying. Steve was, perhaps, but not him. Being a typical Seal was sufficient for him. Or at least it was.

"Thanks for that," he mumbled.  The thought of what the CIA may have tried to force him into was terrifying; he loved helping others. Sure, as a Seal, he had to take lives, but he never did so in anger or for personal gain. He also understood he couldn't lie to others to gain intel. He'd seen it time and time again: the CIA would burn its contacts and leave them out in the cold for so long that when they did send someone after them, it was too late.

He enjoyed assisting others because that was what he was good at. But he also understood that if Joe hadn't stepped in, there was a good chance he would have been ordered to assist them. And that worried him even more. Being pushed to do something he knew was wrong. But at least he didn't have to worry about all of that anymore.

"No problem…" Steve nodded, then leaned over and retrieved three folders from the pile, grinning at him. "…so you will have a look for me?" He enquired, trying to give Buck the best puppy eyes he could.

Buck was unable to help but laugh at Steve's attempt. He was the one in the team known for having puppy eyes. Hell, he had gotten them two extra days off training by using them on Joe, who had a difficult time saying no. Steve had even joked that Joe plainly preferred him over him on those occasions, and he had threatened to let him handle Joe if they did something wrong in the hopes of getting them off the hook. However, when Joe found out about it, he informed Steve in front of him that it wouldn't help them and that if he just stopped doing foolish crap, he would be fine. Buck laughed so hard that he was certain he had broken a rib or something.

"Fine," Buck responded, sighing loudly but cheerfully. He then reached over the table and took the files from him, opening one to examine it. At first glance, the report appeared to be complete.

"Thank you, you're the best," Steve said with a grin, leaning back in his chair and looking at him.

Buck could feel Steve staring at him as he read the file. He quickly figured out that the flames had been started with a Molotov cocktail and a delayed timer to go off when they wanted. It was straightforward yet clear.

"But I got to ask…" Steve spoke with an evil smirk on his face.

Buck looked up and gave Steve a bewildered and wondering look; he didn't know what Steve would want to ask him since he had already convinced him to help him with the case. But if his brother needs additional assistance, then so be it. He would assist him no matter what. That was what brothers did; they helped one another.

"Where were you on the…" Steve began to say something, but Buck responded by laughing.

Buck knew what Steve was about to ask him, and he understood. If Steve had made a list of people who knew how to start these fires as well as they did, he knew he was on it. If not, he would genuinely advise Steve to quit attempting to protect him because he did not need to. He was big enough to care for himself.

"Very funny," Buck replied, laughing.

"Just don't leave the island, we are watching you," Steve said jokingly, and they both started laughing. Buck understood it was preposterous to suppose Steve would believe he was involved in these crimes, and that asking him just demonstrated his entire faith in him to work on this case with him. But had to ask for the case's sake.

"Just not in the shower," Buck responded. It felt good to help his brother. Even if all he did was figure out how the fires started, he enjoyed working with Steve again. He only prayed he hadn't let him down.

Chapter Text

Buck had only spent three long days combing over all the files Steve had given him and visiting the last two crime scenes with Chin before he discovered the pattern he knew was there and what everyone else had missed. It was a basic pattern, but Buck understood it could only be simple if the focus was solely on the flames. He could only assume that everyone was overly focused on the robbery part of the case. Even the fire investigator had come to investigate how the heist occurred using the fire, rather than the fire itself. He realised that stress and the overall pressure of the case were most likely to blame for this oversight.

This was why Steve had asked him to investigate this for him. He could not be so easily diverted. He concentrated solely on how the distraction was generated and the components needed to create it. It was quite simple, yet the design ensured that no novices would attempt it. Looking at the way it was done, Buck knew that it was someone who knew what they were doing and didn't need to make things too hard to function. However, this did not help Steve cut down the number of persons who could have designed it. Yet, after looking through the locations of each fire, Buck realised that it could only have been done by someone who understood the layout of each area beforehand.

The arsonist evidently did not want anyone to be injured by his or her fires and had calculated how far it needed to be so that it cleared the home of everyone so they could rob it but not so close that it spread and destroyed the entire structure. Then there was proof from the FBI, which had been after the same persons. That evidence had effectively put an end to the robberies.

He told Steve to check surveillance footage for all the places hit 24 to 48 hours before to the robbery, as they could not have surveyed all the locations ahead of time owing to the possibility of things altering. For example, one of the households had just hired a new pool maintenance team and was working the day of the incident. A crew that planned ahead of time would not have noticed their presence. The maintenance team had all been caught on camera by the owners and had never been inside the house, so they were swiftly ruled out of being involved.

It had only taken Steve (or rather, Chin) five hours of watching the footage from every place hit on the island to find something. A delivery van was discovered in all places or close enough that it was not a coincidence. They then discovered that the company listed on the van had gone out of business a year before, and when questioned, the owners told Steve that they had sold the van only a few months before and still had the CCTV footage of the transaction because it had occurred on their property.

Within a week, Steve had apprehended all five members of the heist gang in their hideout, which was an abandoned industrial facility near the airport. And Steve was correct: they were all former military, but not all of them were American. It turns out that the robbery crew was made up of American, French, and English members who had served together and struggled to adjust to civilian life, so they began to make money by using the skills that their armed forces had taught them to steal and sell things for a living. When Steve and the rest of 5-0 were arrested, they told him during their interrogation how they had committed their crimes.

They found items that they knew would sell on the illegal market both in the United States and in Europe, where the majority of them had gone. They selected their targets by checking online, social media profiles, and newspaper clippings about the families, and after some investigation, they discovered an item that would sell well. It would only take a day or two to figure out the families' movements and design the structure of the home. During that time, they would also find a buyer for the item they intended to steal or a middleman who would keep the item for them until they found a buyer, so they would not be caught with it. However, Steve's raid coincided with one of the artworks taken in the previous robbery, which they were unable to ship to its new owner in time.

The robbery gang admitted to everything, knowing they had been caught red-handed. They were unlikely to spend much time in Hawaii's prisons, however, because the FBI had also requested an interview with them.

Following the arrests, Steve met with the governor and the FBI to negotiate who would prosecute them and where which he wasn’t happy about but had to attend. While this was going on, Danny, Chin, and Kono had essentially dragged Buck to Kamekona's to celebrate. Buck couldn't believe how much Danny and the others had thanked him over and over for his assistance, and how he was the reason they broke the case. It felt strange for someone to say that to him after so long. Kono had even stated that he was their newest member and that all he had to do was sign the paperwork to become a member of 5-0. He was surprised to learn that Steve and the others wanted him to join them full-time.

No one wanted him until they could use him. He understood that Danny, Kono, and Chin wanted him for his skills, but that wasn't the primary reason. They wanted him for him. He would never question Steve because he knew his brother genuinely loved him and would not just want him for his skills. But with the other members of 5-0, he couldn't help but imagine 118 all over again. That was why he turned them down.

As much as he wanted to work with Steve again, he couldn't stop the whispers in his head telling him that he was worthless and that people just wanted his skills. That if he did something wrong, his abilities were ineffective, or when they found someone else, they would just dump him and forget about him. He knew they wouldn't do it to him, but that didn't silence the voices. Instead, he just stated that if they ever needed him again, he would gladly help them out, but he wanted to try something new.

Steve later asked why he didn't want to work with them when they had returned home from partying, and he was honest with him. Being a part of a team used to bring him a lot of joy and happiness to believe that he was part of a team, a family, but after what happened in LA, he couldn't stop himself from being nervous that they would hurt him again or that he would do something that would make them hate him. Steve had tried to assure him that this would never happen, and he believed him, but he pleaded for time to process what happened and recover at his own pace. He wasn't sure if he wanted to stay in Hawaii, but Buck knew he needed to heal first before making any decisions. But deep down, he wasn't sure he'd be able to work with such a close-knit team again, at least for a while.

During their celebration, Steve handed him a cheque from the governor himself. He gave him a weird look, unsure why he had been handed such a large cheque. Steve had stated that this was his pay for all his hard work he had done on the case. Steve explained that he had told the governor and the FBI (really only to rub it in their faces that he had solved the case with the help of an ex-teammate) that he had been an integral part of solving the case, and that he had sold him as a private contractor that he had asked to assist, and so that he needed to be paid for it. Buck had tried to refuse the money, but Steve told him that it was from the governor, not the 5-0 budget, so he had to accept it, and Steve wasn't taking no for an answer.

Finally, after accepting it since he knew that he was in a losing battle with Steve, he forwarded the cheque to Mr. Sanderford so he could deposit it in Washington, making it more difficult to track if anyone was watching his bank transactions. He knew the money would come from Hawaii, but it would be revealed that he had left Hawaii and travelled to Washington, creating a false trail. He was aware that the account Mr Sanderford had access to was not clearly linked to him, so Athena would have a difficult time finding him. But he was more worried about Maddie than Athena. He didn't trust her not to hire someone to look for him, and she didn't mind breaking a few rules in the process. He wasn't afraid of Maddie, but he knew that if she tracked him down, she would turn on the waterworks and guilt-tripped him sufficiently, he'd go back to her. Just to make her feel better.

During that call, after he had asked Mr. Sanderford to handle the cheque, he had asked him to look into any programs that assisted veterans in transitioning from military to civilian life. When he left the Navy, he was so preoccupied with his own pain at losing his relationship that he failed to think about what leaving the Navy meant to him. But back then he had felt alone. Thinking more clearly now he had felt abandoned in the world, with a set of training that was only applicable to specific roles.

Maybe it was worse for those veterans or maybe it was the same, but the pain was real. It was the reason he joined the LAFD: he missed being a part of a team. I missed helping others, and joining the LAFD had helped him with that only in a different way. Sure, given his background, he could have joined the LAPD or even the LBPD if he had still wanted to settle in LA, and he knew he would have gone far in the police, but he didn't want to have to take a life to rescue another. And as much as he despised killing, he knew that when he squeezed the trigger, it was for the right reason. It was why he never trained as a sniper despite Steve's offer after seeing his range score. But he couldn't bring himself to do it; he enjoyed his work, and the thought of keeping his brothers safe lured him. However, after careful consideration, he concluded that it was not for him. Becoming a bomb technician allowed him to be with his brothers and save them while remaining close, rather than standing on a ledge staring down at them through a scope.

Thinking about those soldiers, yes, they were breaking the law, but digging deeper into their lives he had managed to obtain their military records revealed that every single one of them had outstanding records and had all left due to injury. All of them had also attempted to seek assistance after leaving the service. But had been turned down. So to survive in the world. They had made certain that they never hurt anyone and only stole items that were already insured to avoid financial loss for the owners.

He had also requested his own lawyer, who he hired for his work, to check into their case and see if there was anything he could do to help them. Sure, they had broken a few laws, some of which were federal, but in his opinion, they had simply created their own way in a life they had little experience with. He had seen their files, and they were all lifers. Never once did they consider leaving the service, except in a box or retirement. None of them had considered what they would do if they had to leave, as they had never meant to. They were merely trying to survive in a world they weren't prepared for. They were trained for battle, not ordinary life. They would serve ample time in prison for their crimes, but he planned to ensure that when they were released, they had the help they required. He even requested his lawyer to look into arranging legal advice so that they might try to negotiate a deal that would reduce their prison sentence. 

He hadn't told Steve about the phone call yet, but he suspected Steve would find out about it soon. However, he had his reasons. He knew what it was like to be alone, and he hoped Steve understood. Even though they broke the law, they deserved help from their brothers to rebuild their lives once they were released. He also wanted to ensure that no other brother or sister had to commit crimes to survive.

A day after the case was completed, Steve said in passing that he had planned a family cookout for the 5-0 team and some special visitors. He was a little confused because he didn't know who these 'special visitors' could be until the day of the cookout. It was a Saturday, and Steve had accidentally woken him up by dropping a metal barbecue tray on the floor. The commotion may have awoken the dead.

When he heard the banging, Buck couldn't stop himself from running downstairs to see if Steve was ok. He was so worried that Steve had hurt himself but instead was merely met by an apologetic Steve. After helping him pick up the trays as there had been more than one that had fallen, Buck was then ordered onto the deck with a cup of tea, some food, and his medications, and told to stay there until he was allowed back into the house. Buck was puzzled by his brother's strange behaviour. He knew that Steve had had the 5-0 team around his house before, but judging by the amount of food Steve had put out on the kitchen island, he was feeding an army.

But Buck knew better than to ask Steve too many questions, so he did what he was told to do. So he had settled himself onto the deck with some hot green tea, a fruit salad with some roasted almonds and yoghurt and his medication.  He also brought out his sketchbook and pencil, hoping to get some sketching done since he didn't know how long he'd be barred from the house. After eating and taking his meds, he turned to a blank page and began sketching. He began with a basic sketch in the centre of the page of Steve's old hammock, which was tied in his garden.

Buck felt completely at ease; sketching always helped him breathe. He sat comfortably in Steve's yard, sketching tiny doodles around the hammock of things he noticed in the garden, the beach or believed represented Hawaii as a whole.  He enjoyed doing this type of work because it allowed him to construct an image of a place without having to draw multiple pieces instead, he could just draw one. He found it amazing that by adding little details of a place to enhance how beautiful the place was reflected in his work. He added a Hawaii petrel that he saw flying over Steve's house, as well as a surfboard that Steve had clearly left out for him to use. A dawn shell that he had found on the beach the other day, a dolphin jumping over a wave that he saw just in front of Steve's house, and a host of other things he remembered seeing or thinking about when he thought about Hawaii.

He had no idea how long he had been sitting on the deck just sketching, but he could feel the sunrise a little more but knew that it wasn't near to lunchtime just yet. He knew Steve had told him that they were going to have some good weather in the next few days, with the only breeze forecast for Sunday, so they could plan some days ahead. And Kono had messaged him, enthusiastically, that the swell forecast for Sunday looked fantastic, and asked if he wanted to go surfing with her. So that was his Sunday plan, but just now he was simply enjoying drawing again.

He was concentrating on putting a Hawaiian Leiomano to the left of his hammock sketch, trying to include as much detail as possible to reflect how impressive they were. He had discovered one of Steve's few Hawaiian Culture books and found it so interesting, which only made him want to learn more. He had even gone on his phone and looked up any local places that he could either walk to or catch a bus to go and visit so that he could learn more about the Hawaiian Culture and the island's history. He had also asked Chin for any recommendations as he wanted to make sure he learned the correct history and not the one that was told for the sake of telling. He wanted to know everything, the good and the bad. 

His focus was only disturbed when he heard Steve's doorbell ring. When he looked up, his breakfast bowl was gone, as was his empty teacup, and a bottle of water had taken its place. Steve must have cleaned up before he noticed, which he didn't mind, but he would have expected Steve to want to chat with him or at least sit with him for a while. He didn't have much prep to do because he'd helped Steve marinate the meat the night before. They had a nice laugh as well, especially when they were figuring out the spice levels for some of the meat.

All Steve needed to do was prepare the vegetables that would be served alongside the meat and fruit for the drinks. They had sorted out the baking side of things, and he had managed to bake some pittas and bread to mop up the meat juice last night, so they didn't need to worry about baking bread in the morning. They had also sorted out the sides; they were all made up and, in the fridge, ready for Steve to place on the table. Steve had told him that the rest of the 5-0 team would arrive around 3 p.m. and eat at 4:30 p.m., allowing part of the meat to cook and rest.

Buck had overheard Steve ask Danny and Chin to bring some drinks and Kono to bring some of her Auntie's excellent dessert. He had wanted to create something; he had found a fruit-based cheesecake that looked great, but Steve had told him that he could do it another day and that he didn't have to make anything. He was the one they were celebrating and thanked for his assistance in closing the case.

Buck didn't think he had done anything particularly noteworthy; he simply discovered something that they would have noticed if they had gone over the cases again. He didn't need a party for that, but Steve wouldn't accept no for an answer. Steve then said something that made him stop arguing: the celebration was to make up for all the birthdays he had missed since he left. Buck knew that he was at fault for that; he was the one who needed to cut connect with Steve, not the other way around.

Buck was so buried in his thoughts that the unexpected yells forced him to turn in his chair, nearly dropping his sketchbook at the sound of two people sprinting full speed towards him. He was able to clear his chair and turn, placing his sketchbook and pencils on the table before being engulfed by two children in a huge hug. He recognised them as soon as he heard them cry 'Uncle Bomber', and he couldn't believe his eyes when he saw them. He hadn't seen Aiden and Kamran in a long time and couldn't believe how much they'd grown. They were identical to their parents, Kamran was a younger version of her mother, while Aiden was essentially his father, although with perhaps a finer sense of humour.

He hugged them firmly and felt himself tearing up as they told him how much they missed him, and he felt himself break a little when Aiden began telling him about school and his football sessions. And Kamran began to tell him about all the gossip going on at her school, as well as the class projects she needed his help with. Buck could not fully comprehend what they were saying since they were talking over each other. But happily, another voice halted them in their tracks, and as they pulled back, Buck could finally look up at the house and see Michelle approaching him with a grin but a worried expression on her face, with Sam following behind with Steve. These were their special guests.

He accepted Michelle's firm hug and suddenly found himself feeling like a small child being hugged by their mother. Michelle's maternal instinct must have alerted her that he needed an extra-long hug since she appeared to want to retain hold of him. Not that he minded. He misses Michelle's hugs. She was always welcome to him, and she usually acted like a mother or an elder sister to him whenever they met.

Buck noticed that Michelle wasn't letting go of him as they separated so Sam could greet him; she kept her arm tightly wrapped around his waist as if to keep him from running away from her. Even though he would not do that to her. Sam welcomed him as he always did, pulling him into a one-armed hug, but this time when he drew away, Buck noticed Sam holding onto him like Michelle for a little longer than usual. But, unlike Michelle, he let go of him after a few seconds and returned to Steve, where they resumed their conversation before they came out.

Buck felt himself being pulled away from Steve and Sam by Michelle talking about how much the kids missed him, and then pushed him back into his seat so Kamran could sit in his lap and tell him all about her school, her friends, and everything else, while Aiden sat in Michelle's lap and added his own stories as Kamran spoke. Finally, Buck had to tell them that they each had one narrative to get him caught up on everything.

However, as he listened to the kids' stories, some of which involved their Uncle G, Sam's NCIS partner whom he hadn't met but would like to meet based on the stories, he couldn't help but feel numerous eyes on him. He knew the kids were staring at him, but when he turned around, he noticed Michelle was paying special attention to him. He also noticed how Sam and Steve kept looking at him as they brought everyone drinks before sitting down and joining them.

All the adults were keeping a careful eye on him, and as much as it made him uncomfortable, he realised he wouldn't be able to stop them unless he addressed his discomfort in front of the kids. So he began to focus solely on the kids. He enjoyed hearing about their lives, but he was also saddened by the fact that he had abandoned them so soon. Sure, he didn't have a close relationship with them because Sam was on another team, but he was still Uncle Bomber to them, and stepping away had hurt them, even if they didn't tell him.

They talked for so long that he entirely forgot about the other individuals around them. Aiden had come and sat on his lap with his sister while Michelle went to the toilet, and he didn't move back when she returned. They were so preoccupied with talking that it wasn't until Gracie had to rush up to Steve and exclaim, "Uncle Steve!" that he looked up to see what was going on. When he looked up, he saw that the table had been set up around them, and his sketchbook and pencils were gone and in its place were some table settings and glasses. As well as some of the salads and dips. He had been so engrossed in his conversation that he had entirely tuned out the world around him so that the children could have his whole focus.

He felt horrible for not helping, especially when he saw Kono and Michelle conversing and laughing as they brought out more food. He noticed Steve standing with Danny, Grace, and Sam at the grill.  He had no idea when the rest of the 5-0 team arrived, but he felt like a poor guest for not greeting them. However, as he attempted to stand up and pop the kids down, Michelle clicked her fingers at him and reminded him that he was responsible for keeping the kids out of their way as they sorted the food.

That order ended up being the best one he had ever received. Buck, Aiden, Kamran, and Grace went down to the beach for the next hour to remain out of Steve's way while he cooked the meat, and it also gave the other adults some relief from the children's shouts.

Buck ended up on the floor more times than he wanted to count, which was ironic given that he was a trained Seal who could easily take down terrorists but couldn't fight three young children. In his defence, Grace had some sharp elbows when they started fighting on the ground, and Kamran fought dirty. But it was the most fun he'd had in so long. Playing with them reminded Buck of his time with the 118 prior to the bombing. He used to do this with Harry, Denny, and Christopher all the time while May would laugh her head off while filming them. He missed them so much, but being with Aiden, Kamran, and Grace helped him in ways they didn't comprehend.

They had no idea how long they had been playing, but the next thing he knew, Michelle was approaching them with a smile on his face. "Kamran, Aiden, Grace…" She started as soon as she got to them. "…the food is nearly ready so please go and wash up before we sit down and eat." She finished.

"Aww…." All three moaned as they stood up, leaving Buck on the floor with the largest grin on his face.

"Aw Mom, but we are playing with Uncle Bomber." Aiden groaned.

"Yer, can't we play a little longer?" Kamran enquired with a hopeful tone in her voice, and even though Buck couldn't see her face, he was certain she was making her best puppy dog eyes at her mother. Which was a waste of time, although it was amusing to see someone attempt it on Michelle.

"Five more minutes?" Grace enquired.

Buck was pleased that Grace had gotten along with Kamran and Aiden, as they had become closest friends in a short period of time. He had overheard Danny tell Steve that he was happy to hear Grace laugh as hard as she did while playing with them. Grace was an amazing girl, and he knew deep down that she would succeed in life. Buck also made a mental point to contact his lawyer and ask if he could alter his trust to include Grace and establish a college fund. It may be a little less than the others because they were begun earlier, but it will help. He knew Danny with his ex-wife's help, they would be fine, but every bit helped.

"Guys…" Buck began to speak, prompting them all to look at him. "We can play after we eat. You need to listen to your mother and Gracie; Danno would most likely tell you the same thing." He knew he should let Michelle handle this matter, but he also knew that if he stated that Michelle was correct and that they would continue to play after they ate, they would listen to her.

"I know…" Grace said with a sigh.

"Ok, Uncle Bomber," Aiden said, and Kamran nodded.

"Ok…" Buck said as he hauled himself up from the ground, smiling as he dusted the sand off his clothes. "Go on then, get to it," Buck said, pointing at the home.

Buck beamed as the three children dashed towards the house, and he found himself chuckling slightly at the sight. Michelle and Buck then began to follow them but at a slower speed. He spotted Michelle holding a wine glass in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. He knew the water was for him, and he was correct. Michelle handed over the bottle of water with a gentle smile.

Buck knew he could drink while on his medicine; he could have one or two, according to Doctor Gallagher, but he didn't feel like it and told Steve as much when he asked what beer he liked. He had said to Steve that he did not feel like drinking.

"How do you do that?" Michelle eventually asked, breaking the silence as they walked.

"What?" Buck asked, rather perplexed by the question.

"Get the kids to do what you want without a big argument," Michelle continued.

Buck grinned at the comment; he'd been asked that before, and more often than not, he'd merely shrug his shoulders without saying much. But he knew Michelle would not go for that. If he was honest with himself, he would simply ask the kids to behave in the way he wished his own parents had behaved with him. He hated recalling his messed-up childhood and had promised himself that he would make as many children's lives better as he could. Whether they were his or not.  That was why he established all the trust funds. Money couldn't fix everything, but it did help unlock a few doors. He simply hoped they would spend it wisely.

"Bribery," Buck muttered, chuckling as they reached Steve's yard lawn.

"Liar," Michelle replied as she shoved his shoulder slightly, forcing Buck to chuckle even harder.

"No, it's the truth." Buck turned to her with a grin, "I just told them that I would try to get their parents to agree to let them stay up late if they did as they were told." He added with a shrug.

Michelle laughed and shook her head. Buck was initially concerned that he had overstepped; Michelle, Sam, and Danny were their parents, and they had every right to parent their children as they saw right. Danny didn't know him very well, but he trusted him with his only child. He understood it was most likely due to his relationship with Steve, but he was also concerned that he had gone too far by promising them this.

He didn't want to lose Kamran and Aiden like he had with the kids in LA. He also couldn't risk losing Steve and Sam. But he would walk away if necessary; he was only one person. The thought of Steve having to choose between Danny and himself devastated him. Danny had been extremely helpful to Steve following his father's murder, and he had brought Chin and Kono with him. He wouldn't force Steve to choose between the 5-0 and him. He'd leave. He wasn't sure where he would go, but he would go to give his brother some peace. He was simply an annoying little brother who needed to be saved, and Steve needed to be with his family in Hawaii. He didn't need him.

They stood silently for a few minutes before Michelle moved. He couldn't help but flinch a little and allow himself to be drawn into an embrace. "You are a good man Evan." She spoke into his ear as she continued to hug him.

Buck felt his lower lip tremble slightly when he heard her say those words. He hadn't heard that for a long time. Was he a good man? He hurt so many people in his life that any nice deed was simply removing clips from the pain he had inflicted. Maybe he was just good at hurting people. Suddenly, he felt himself mentally shaking his head, attempting to clear his mind. He was aware that those thoughts were not his own, but rather the result of depression. Making him feel awful about himself once again. He was loved and accomplished a lot of good, yet he still felt that he had disappointed people.

"Don't know about that," He was able to murmur as he moved away from Michelle, being cautious not to spill her drink. As he backed away, he could tell Michelle had heard him and was plainly hurt by what he had said. He was hating himself for saying that out loud; why did he do that? He did not want to give Michelle any distress. His emotions and feelings were his personal issues, not anyone else's. Michelle has her own issues and a family to care about. She didn't need his problems as well.

But before she could argue or tell him he was wrong, Steve's voice halted her in her tracks. "Food's ready!" Steve shouted. And before Michelle could say anything else, Buck turned and walked towards the house, Michelle close after him. He was aware that the talk was far from over, but he was willing to attempt everything to prolong it. 

"Kono, can you go and get the kids for me before they flood Steve's bathroom?" Danny asked as he served up some of the meat off the BBQ for the table, while Steve attempted to assist.

Kono had already sat next to Chin, who was enjoying his beer, but when Danny spoke, she turned and grinned, "Sure thing." She said before getting up and walking into the home.

Before Buck could take another step forward towards Danny and Steve, who were currently squabbling about something that resulted in Steve being sent to the table without any meat, he felt someone grab his arm and move him to turn. As he did, he noticed Michelle had grabbed his forearm and stated to him in a serious yet kind tone, "This conversation isn't over Evan."

Buck groaned, knowing he had to get Michelle to drop it or else Sam would find out, which meant Steve would find out, and they had already given him so much of their time that he didn't want to take any more of their time. And even more so since he couldn't stop saying stupid things. "It's fine Michelle, don't worry about it." He remarked, hoping that just telling her not to worry would be enough.

"You know better than to say that to me, Evan. We will discuss this once the kids have gone to bed." She remarked in a motherly tone, implying that Evan would not be able to avoid this painful topic.

Buck, on the other hand, couldn't bring himself to say anything after that, so he just nodded. He remembered how easy it was to talk to Michelle; they could talk for hours if necessary, and she would always listen to what he had to say, get him to express his point of view, and then figure out how to better or get him to grasp the problem. Perhaps it was why she was such a wonderful mother, and he was grateful for that at the time. He had never had an attractive mother figure growing up, so Michelle was a new experience for him. But she did it so well. It was sometimes easy for him to forget she was a powerful and intimidating CIA agent capable of taking down the most dangerous people on the planet.

"Good," she responded, realising that he understood her. And then she motioned to the table, "Better go get your seat before the kids steal it." She said this while sipping her wine.

Buck simply smiled and went to the table, but he kept an ear out for Michelle when he saw Sam approaching her. The anxious expression on Sam's face gave him the impression that he wasn't simply walking over to check on her. But as he sat down, Chin began to ask him if he had any other ideas for things to do, and before he realised it, he was asking him for recommendations on where to go to learn more about Hawaiian culture.

-

Sam had barely just returned outside when he heard Steve exclaim that the food was ready. He had been on the phone with G, who was moaning about having to handle all the paperwork from the last case alone. Which he found amusing because he was usually left to do the paperwork at the end of a case. He knew his partner didn't resent him for leaving so soon after they concluded their case because G understood what this trip was about, and it wasn't just a holiday for his family. He was on his own quest to ensure that his younger brother was okay. G had been the one to whom he had expressed his fears after leaving Bomber off at the airport, and he had even requested a few favours to ensure his safety on the island.

Thinking about work reminded Sam of the difficult chat he had with Hetty before leaving to pick up the kids from school for their surprise trip, which they had no idea about because it was so short notice. He had spoken with Michelle on the phone as they concluded their argument about what Steve had asked of him; Steve had just texted him, asking if he could bring his family to Hawaii for a surprise BBQ. Steve hadn't said much in the texts, save that a visit would assist Bomber. That was enough said. He had asked Hetty for the time off and apologised for the short notice, but she had waved off his apologies, stating that she expected a detailed report on Bomber when he returned. He found it unusual that Hetty was so interested in his younger brother, but he didn't want to know how her mind worked. He was aware that Bomber was skilled and well-known within the Navy, but Hetty was known for her connections to the intelligence community and spies, which was not a line of work his little brother was interested in. The kid was too kind-hearted to work in that field of work. He thought it was why he hadn't gone into law enforcement after leaving the Navy. However, he was aware that one of the reasons Bomber had grown so ill because of the LAFD betrayal was due to his large heart.

When he came onto the deck, he noticed Bomber talking to Michelle, but it was Michelle's anxious expression that alarmed him. Michelle was a skilled CIA operative who could disguise her emotions very well, but he had discovered over time that Michelle couldn't hide them when it came to the people she cared about the most, such as her family. And Bomber was part of that. However, the anxious expression she was wearing suddenly scared him. Had Bomber said something that had sent off alarm bells in her mind, causing her to express her actual emotions? If so, he needed to know what.

As he approached them, he noted that the moment Bomber saw him, he quickly moved to sit at the table like he was trying to avoid him at all costs. Sam knew Bomber didn't hate him; instead, he was avoiding him, most likely because he didn't want to talk about whatever was hurting him or why Michelle had become so concerned.

He would have preferred to leave whatever happened to Michelle, who was more than capable of handling Bomber. But at the same time, he was worried about him. Looking at his little brother he remembered the shock he felt when he had first saw Bomber after getting that call from Steve. He looked so ill and weak that he couldn't believe he was the same little brother who always looked after himself back then. The image was permanently etched in his consciousness as a reminder of how close they had come to losing him forever. He hated himself a little for not checking up on him more. But he had stayed away since he was scared about disrupting his brother's new life. Michelle had tried to explain that it was not his fault, that things happen, and that Bomber might have reached out to him. But he couldn't fully believe that yet.

It pained him to send Bomber away when he looked so broken, and if it hadn't been for Steve, he wouldn't have let him go. He would have brought Bomber home and locked him up with Michelle, arranging everything his brother needed, regardless of the expense. He was aware that Bomber was well-known for his artwork, when if he used a fake name, but he never enquired about how much he earned because it was none of his business. He was just glad Bomber would never go without because he couldn't afford it. He had a hunch, though, that Bomber hated spending his own money on himself and preferred to live with as little material possessions as possible.

But he knew deep down that he would never have the same relationship as Bomber and Steve. So when Steve called to tell him that something was wrong with their younger brother and that he needed him to pick him up and take him to the airport. He had gratefully consented and witnessed the sorry position his brother had gotten himself into before bringing him to Steve. Seeing him now, he was glad he had done so. Bomber looked a lot better than he did when he placed him on the plane, but there was still something bothering him. Steve had mentioned that there was still something going on with Bomber, as well as the panic attack he walked into, but he, too, had no idea what was going on with him. That was another reason Steve had called him over; he hoped that if they could both sit him down when he was more comfortable, they would be able to get him to tell them what was going on in his thoughts and help him cope with it.

Sam came to rest next to his wife and watched Bomber carefully as he began talking with Chin-Ho. Bomber did look better; he had gained some weight, and his skin colour had improved. But there were still dark circles under his eyes, and there was something he couldn't pinpoint that told him there was still work to be done.

Michelle smiled sweetly at him as he approached her, but he knew Michelle wasn't stupid; she knew he was coming to ask her questions about Bomber. Sam drew her into an embrace, taking care not to spill her drink to conceal his intentions from the others, as he didn't want Bomber to believe he didn't trust him or that Michelle would betray him.

"Bomber, ok?" He asked softly in her ear, keeping his voice low so that others wouldn't overhear, as he drew away from her and stared entirely at her, hoping she'd grasp the significance behind the question.

Michelle signed in response to his question, but it did not appear that she was going to say anything. Normally, she would just give him a glance and walk away, but something on her face indicated that she was equally concerned. 

"No, he's not," she answered gently as she grabbed hold of his hand, giving it a strong squeeze before continuing with a tone that indicated him, she was worried about him. "…he's not the same." She almost groaned, and he realised what she meant.

He knew Bomber wouldn't be the same little kid they knew back then; he'd grown up, tried new things, and seen more of the world. Of course, he'd have changed. Sam knew he also had changed, but Bomber had changed in ways he never imagined possible. The boy he remembered was no longer there, he was also more nervous, guarded, and afraid of the world in ways he couldn't have imagined back then. Bomber appeared to be prepared to isolate himself from the rest of the world at any time.

"I know what you mean…" Sam acknowledged. He wishes he had acted sooner; perhaps then his younger brother wouldn't be in this situation. But he realised he couldn't change the past; he could only focus on the future, and that's what he needed to do: be there for the youngster so he didn't turn against himself. "…but he does look a little better than the last time I saw him." He then added.

He wanted to tell Michelle the truth, that Bomber still looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, but he couldn't deny that his brother's appearance had improved slightly. However, there was still work to be done. He wanted to tell Michelle what he was thinking, but he didn't want to worry his wife too much.

"He's put some weight back on and his colours look a lot better," he said, hoping that his words would persuade Michelle that things were improving with his younger brother and that he was improving.

"That's just a tan," Michelle replied very quickly.

Sam sighed at that remark. He knew his wife was correct; the change in Bomber's colour was most likely due to being out in the sun, but being in the sun would benefit Bomber's health in more ways than just giving him a tan. He learnt the subject primarily from assisting Kamran with her homework. But it was incredibly enlightening; he hadn't given much thought to how crucial the sun was to their health before that. Seeing the obvious effect of excellent eating and reduced stress on his brother further confirmed his convictions on the matter.

"Steve said that his doctor is happy with him," he murmured hastily, rubbing her back. He knew Michelle was plainly worried about him, as was he, but he also understood that the bombing triggered Michelle's maternal instinct. Nothing was going to soothe that instinct until she spoke with Bomber and saw and heard the improvements for herself.

"I'm not particularly worried about his physical health," Michelle eventually said, and Sam understood. He had been concerned about Bomber's mental health since the time he answered Steve's phone call. The kid had a good heart, which frequently caused him pain. Even after everything Bomber had been through, he had no idea how the youngster was able to keep it together.  If he'd been betrayed by people, he considered family and then blamed for everything, he'd have snapped and done something stupid.

Sure, he knew Bomber had gotten close to that point, which is why he had phoned Steve, but he didn't expect he would remember a promise he had made all those years ago and would have just ended it all.

"I know, baby," he whispered, bringing her into a side hug and kissing the top of her head. He wished he could make things right like any father would. Bomber may not be his kid, but he felt his fatherly protection wash over him in waves whenever he was close to the younger man. "But Steve told me that he is still attending his counselling sessions and is doing better mentally as well."

"Good…" Michelle said, nodding her head. "I still want to go to that station and give those bastards a piece of my mind and hurt them like they hurt him." Michelle then admitted.

Sam couldn't help but laugh; the idea of Michelle going over to the 118 station was funny to consider. At the same time, it terrified him. He was aware and concerned of the potential damage Michelle may cause. Even though she didn't seem it, his wife was one of the most dangerous CIA agents he had ever encountered. She knew how to hurt someone without putting in too much effort, and she could ruin their lives without even being in the same room with them. When someone hurts someone, she cares about, Michelle could be as lethal as a Navy Seal.

"Yer, and then I would have to explain to the kids why their mother is in jail," Sam added with a grin, but he didn't want to think about all the favours he would have to call in to get her out. He knew he could rely on Hetty to support him if that happened, but he also knew that Hetty would most likely help Michelle with her plan.

"You think I will go to jail?" She replied with a grin that both delighted and terrified him.

He knew Michelle would most likely be able to get off any chargers with some assistance, and she would be very unlikely to ever set foot in a cell. However, he was still concerned about what would happen if Michelle was arrested. What will the kids think? But he knew that if they informed them why and how Uncle Bomber was hurt by those people, they would naturally want to help their mother create even more mayhem.

"True," Sam responded, giggling at the comment. "But you know Bomber wouldn't want you to get into trouble because of him."

And he knew he was correct. Bomber would blame himself for causing so many problems in their lives and would not listen when they explained that it was their own choice. He would simply hate himself more. He thought it was a little much to remind Michelle of that, but if it kept his wife from breaking the law, so be it.

"Fine but if they upset him again, all bets are off." She spoke sternly, delivering him a clear message that she meant business.

"I'll will help you if that happens," he said firmly as well. He didn't want to consider what he would do if the 118 started attacking Bomber again. In the back of his mind, he hoped to maintain a cool head and think before acting. However, he knew that if they hurt him, the Seal in him would take over him and he would plan to hurt those who hurt his brother, regardless of the repercussions.

"Michelle, do you need a top-up?" Steve's voice pierced the quiet that had existed between them. They had been so preoccupied with their own chat that they hadn't spotted Steve approaching them with a bottle in hand.

"Yes, please," Michelle responded, sighing and holding out her nearly empty wine glass.  Steve promptly filled her glass, and Michelle responded with a quick thank you. Sam, on the other hand, had the impression that Steve's visit was more than just to refill her glass. "I'll go grab us a seat before the little terrors appear." Michelle smiled and kissed Sam's cheek before leaving them alone.

"So how is he really doing?" Sam enquired, turning his attention to his brother. "I know you said he is doing better but …" Sam added. He knew Steve wouldn't lie to him.

"I don't know, he doesn't really talk much about it," Steve said, groaned, and began to fidget with the wine bottle label.

"Like pulling teeth, right?" Sam asked with a gentle smile. He remembers sitting back and watching Bomber and Steve fight; their younger brother was as stubborn as a bull when he fully believed in what he was arguing. If unsupervised, those fights could rage on for hours; usually, Joe or one of the other guys would intervene and bring one or both of them away to cool down.

"I know he doesn't want us to worry about him but at the same time…it's not like we are mind readers." Steve protested, but Sam understood he wasn't upset at Bomber, just concerned for him.

"He isn't going to change Steve. We simply need to be there for him when things get too much again," Sam said softly and knew that he was right. Bomber was never going to stop attempting to protect them, even when he desperately needed it. But that was what made their brother such a good brother to everyone. He couldn't name all the Seals who owed Bomber a lot, but he knew that with a phone call, Hawaii would have an army of Seals ready to assist their brother.

"I know, but he did admit something to me," Steve remarked, then lowered his voice and turned slightly, as if he was attempting to block off the outside world from their chat. Sam felt concerned about what his brother was about to tell him. If Bomber had admitted something to Steve, it implied that what he had said was significant.

"He wants closure," Steve confessed, staring severely at him.

Sam was perplexed by the reply; what did he mean when he said that “from everything that had happened in LA?" Sam enquired, hoping for some clarification.

Steve shook his head at the comment, causing Sam to freeze in place. He couldn't believe what Steve was telling him. Bomber had no reason to be in the same room as that man, let alone speak to him.

"You going to be able to find him?" Sam spoke coldly. He couldn't help but spit out his rage as he said these things. That bastard had broken his little brother in so many ways that after Sam had found out what had happened, he attempted to locate the bastard himself to face his own punishment, but he was unable to do so, perhaps fortunately. The man had basically vanished from the face of the earth which was probably for the best. The coward wasn’t stupid and knew that they would be after him after finding out what had happened, so he had ran. Thankfully never to be seen or heard from again.

"Joe is on it," Steve said, but then stopped.

Sam realised that if Joe didn't hurt the man when he discovered him, it was because he was leaving him for Steve.

"What are you going to do if Joe can't find him?" Sam then asked. He was worried about what would happen to Bomber if Steve could not deliver the closure he wanted. Would the prospect of getting closure only to have it not come true worsen Bomber's mental health? Would it cause him to go back to the way he was when he last saw him in Los Angeles?

"Joe will find him," Steve replied harshly.

"And if Bomber doesn't like what he is told or if the bastard hurts him again?" Sam asked. He couldn't help but wonder what would happen if the guy didn't give Bomber the answers he sought. What if the man simply informed him that he did not love him? Or, worse, that he had been cheating on him for a time and simply wanted to move on without having to confront his mistakes. The mere thought that Bomber could have been duped made his blood boil.

"Well…" Steve began to speak and then shrugged his shoulders, sneering evilly at him. "…then we have a body to get rid of." He admits.

Sam couldn't help but laugh at the comment while agreeing with him. They would need to be cautious about how to dispose of the body and ensure that they buried their tracks. Hell, knowing Steve, he most certainly had a couple of people in mind who would help them without hesitation.

"Oh!" Danny's voice interrupted him from responding to Steve's comment or asking him if he had a plan: "Neanderthal! Food! Now!" Danny yelled, causing them both to turn around to find Kono had returned with the kids and was now assisting them in plating their own meals without making a mess, with Michelle's help.

The view in front of them prompted them both to pause and smile at the family in front of them. But seeing Bomber's happy face and hearing him chuckle at something Aiden said as he helped him pick up some maize. It appeared as if they were staring at a family that had reconnected after a brief time apart, rather than one that had only recently met. 

"You have a good team here, Steve," Sam interrupted the silence. Seeing Bomber with the 5-0 team confirmed that his younger brother was in the right place.

"I know, don't know how I got so lucky." Steve nodded slightly and smiled as he saw Bomber and Danny talking and joking over something Sam was certain was about Steve. But seeing Bomber happy and relaxed was the best thing he had ever witnessed.

Not wanting to be yelled at again by Danny who was sending daggers at them, they joined the table and were quickly drawn into discussions about what each dish was and if they wanted a top-up of their drinks. Michelle sat next to Kono, talking about a girl trip they intended to take while they were here with Kamran, and Sam sat in the seat Michelle had saved for him. Bomber sat between Aiden and Kamran, laughing while they ate. Steve chose the end seat between Danny, who was trying to persuade Grace to try one of Bomber's pasta dishes and Chin.

As they ate, the noise surrounding them subsided slightly. Sam watched Bomber eat, mostly to make sure he was okay and was surprised that his younger brother had managed to convince his son to eat more green veggies than he had ever seen him eat. But then again, Bomber was always brilliant at keeping the kids in line while not making them loathe him.

"Uncle Bomber…?" Kamran began to enquire but stopped herself, causing Bomber to look up from his plate and at her. Sam watched as Bomber smiled warmly and nodded for her to continue her query. "…does this mean you're not going to leave us again?" She enquired somewhat timidly.

The entire table became quiet. Sam wanted to scold his daughter for asking such a question because he was concerned that if they asked Bomber directly, they would scare him away. And potentially make matters worse. Make Bomber seal himself off from them once more.  He wasn't sure what he and Steve would do if that happened. He wouldn't be shocked if Steve installed some traps to prevent Bomber from escaping the house.

"Kamran, you can't ask your uncle something like that," Michelle reprimanded his daughter, but Sam noticed his wife's troubled expression on Bomber, who appeared to freeze for all but three seconds in response to his daughter's query.

"It's okay, Michelle," Bomber replied quietly, shaking his head. He sighed and set down his fork before speaking again, "Kamran. I am sorry I left in the way I did." Bomber began to explain.

Sam felt Michelle's fingers on his thigh as they listened to Bomber, worrying about how he would explain the matter to a couple of kids when they had little grasp of it themselves. Bomber hadn't been in their lives regularly because they were on different teams and didn't always deploy together. But everyone noticed a shift in the atmosphere when he left, including the kids. Hell, he had arrived home one day and overheard Michelle explaining to Kamran why her uncle Bomber could no longer visit. It was heartbreaking to hear, but he knew Michelle's wording would ensure that Kamran would not blame her uncle.

"I had some problems I had to deal with on my own after I left the Navy, I need to get away to clear my head." He then added.

Sam knew Kamran had correctly deduced that Bomber was telling her that he had difficulties leaving the Navy and needed some time apart. But in a more kid-friendly manner, which he appreciated much. Kamran, as much as she acted like a teenager at times, was still too young to realise the full psychological impact that being a Seal had on them. She saw all her uncles and him as superheroes, just as Aiden did.

He didn't want them to realise how what they did and witnessed gradually wore them down until they broke or had to leave. He didn't want his children to look at him as if they were afraid, he'd break down in front of them or just up and leave.

"But you are better now, right?" Kamran enquired innocently.

Sam watched Bomber's expression carefully, but he also wanted to hold his daughter tightly in response to her query.  At the same time, he was also curious about what Bomber's response would be to her question. He knew his brother would never lie to his daughter; this was another aspect of his personality that he admired.

Bomber always knew how to talk to children, even when the conversation was challenging. He would never run away from it but would instead handle it flawlessly without causing them further harm. He'd seen it at work before. He had gone to a doctor's appointment only to learn that Dutchy, a seal who Steve and Bomber are worked with a lot when their teams worked together, had been admitted after being shot during an operation. He'd quickly headed to the waiting room where the rest of the team in the waiting room with Dutchy's family. His wife was more than likely in his hospital room as he couldn't see her, leaving their two children with the team like normal.

He had gone up to ask Steve if there was any news on Dutchy, only to discover Bomber sat with Dutchy's children, he then overheard him narrating what had happened to their father after he was asked by the oldest of the two. Bomber did not sugarcoat the realities for them, but he did inform them that their father was a fighter. He did not lie to them or claim that everything would be fine, as many other people did. Over the years, he realised that Bomber never treated a child as if they didn't know or understand what was going on, or that they needed to be protected from everything horrible that happened in the world.

He always treated them as if they had their own minds and understood more than their parents intended. And he could see Bomber doing exactly that with his daughter right now.

"I'm getting there, Kiddo," Bomber admitted.

"Is that why you're painting again?" Kamran asked.

When they got to Steve's house and went through to surprise Bomber, he spotted a large number of canvases in the hall that had already been wrapped for shipment. Steve had told him during one of their late-night discussions that Bomber and Michelle had gone to bed and that Bomber had started painting again. They had been talking about Bomber and how to help him cope with what he had been through. Steve added that he had contacted Bomber's agent to bring him his art equipment to see if it would help. And seeing all those canvases that appeared to be ready to transport confirmed Steve's assessment.

"You saw them then?" Bomber asked, laughing.

"Dad was trying to sneak a look at them when we came in, but we didn't let him," Aiden explained with pride.

"Traitors!" Sam replied, shaking his head. The entire table started laughing at that. He could not believe his children had grassed on him. If he was honest, he had wanted to look at the canvases to see his brother's new work, mostly to see if it gave any clue of how he felt. He hadn't seen them since they were wrapped, but he did notice a blue tint on the side of one. But that is all he saw.

"Good work, buddy," Bomber remarked, giving Aiden a high five.

"Does painting help?" Kamran enquired, and Sam knew Kamran liked seeing Bomber's work. She had been obsessed with his work that hung in their home, and he had found her browsing Bomber's website, which his agency managed. He admired how Kamran had fallen in love with art; she had been incredibly artistic since she was a baby. 

"Yer, it helps me relax and work out my thoughts," Bomber acknowledged.

"So, are you getting better? Because Dad said you hadn't been feeling well again," Aiden asked, Michelle and Sam both looked surprised at him, and Sam felt terrible. He had no idea the children had been listening in on their conversations. He hoped Bomber did not think they were constantly talking about him. Sure, he knew Bomber would understand that he had been concerned about him, and speaking with Michelle always helped. Bomber knew this; he just hoped he remembered it.

"One, it's impolite to listen in on your parents' conversation," Bomber began, looking at them, and Sam was scared that Bomber would hate him for talking about him. However, the sweet smile bomber sent him signalled that he was not angry.

"And two, I'm getting better. Uncle Steve and your dad have been extremely helpful," Bomber remarked, smiling lovingly at the children.

"Really?" Aiden questioned astonished, causing the entire table to chuckle at Sam and Steve's shocked expressions.

"Hey!" Steve, who was sitting at the far end of the table, exclaimed in surprise. Looking around, Sam noticed that everyone was listening in on their chat, except Grace, who was busy playing on her father's phone.

"Thanks, Kiddo," Sam muttered, shaking his head, only to discover Michelle chuckling at the entire scene. Sam couldn't believe his son's comment, but his wife's reaction suggested she was involved.

"But Dad, Mom always said that if we see you, Uncle Steve, and Uncle Bomber alone, we had to come and get her because it meant trouble," Aiden said, his mischievous grin plastered all over his face.

Sam turned to face his wife, who was beaming into her wine glass while trying not to snot into it. And he knew she was behind it. "What?" She enquired, lowering her drink and trying to appear innocent, but Sam knew she wasn't.

"It's true," she ended up saying, laughing.

Sam couldn't resist smiling at her. He loved his wife, and seeing her comfortable and happy meant everything to him. Even if it meant facing the fact that she had turned his children against him.

As the laughter went down following Aiden's comment, which he was still smirking to himself, Michelle turned to face Danny with an evil grin on her face, and he knew she was planning something with Steve since her eyes never left his face. "Get me another bottle Danny and I will let you in on all my little secrets to keep a Seal in line." She said, holding out her now-empty wineglass.

Sam observed Danny smile back at his wife before grabbing another bottle of wine from an ice bucket on his left. And quickly topped up his wife's glass, all the while watching Steve's shocked expression.

"I'll take you up on that," Danny responded, grinning.

"Hey!" Steve stated it again, crossing his arms as Aiden did when he was upset about something. Which simply made the rest of the table laugh again.

"You really can control a Seal?" Kono asked, wiping away the tears in her eyes from laughing so hard.

However, Sam had returned his focus to Bomber, who was reclining back into his chair with a soft grin on his face, enjoying the spectacle that was Steve and Danny sending each other draggers. He looked so relaxed just sitting there and he couldn't help but feel happy seeing that.

"Laugh it up, but remember who signs your payslips," Steve remarked with a pout looking towards Danny and Kono. Sam understood that Steve was not threatening anyone; he was not the type of man, but it was amusing to see him pretend to act serious.

"I do, because you forget too," Danny responded, smiling and imitating Steve's crossed arms.

"Is Uncle Steve in trouble Danno?" Grace enquired, chuckling slightly at the performance going on between the two men on either side of her.

"Yes, he is a monkey, and if he does not behave, he will be given a time-out," Danny explained, and Sam could not stop laughing at that. Danny's conversation with his daughter about his partner, as if he were a troubled boy, brought up memories of what he had witnessed between Steve and Joe while they were deployed together.

"I hate you," Steve shouted, throwing his arms up in the air with a groan, prompting everyone to laugh again.

"No, you don't," Danny replied, grinning.

Sam laughed along with everyone else until he noticed Bomber had joined them, but this time he was really laughing. He wasn't forcing it or attempting to play along. The man appeared to love watching Steve and Danny bicker. Sam could finally breathe more clearly as he observed the people Bomber had surrounded himself with. Steve had a terrific team here, and they were helping Bomber deal with what he had gone through.

He was so buried in thought that he didn't notice the kids getting down from the table and chasing Bomber around the grass again as the grownups talked. He was convinced Michelle, Kono, and Danny were discussing what she had hinted at while Chin and Steve looked on.

But then he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and when he pulled it out, he saw that it was a text from G. He had only just spoken with him, so he wasn't sure why he would text him unless something had happened. Opening the text, Sam felt a headache begin. All the text said was Maddie Buckley had been arrested and bailed for attacking a police officer, causing criminal damage, and generally being a bitch outside her brother's old flat. She was granted bail, but a court date had been set. It has only recently passed through our system as for some reason Maddie hadn't completely changed her name back to Buckley even though her ex-husband was dead. But G told him that Hetty had gotten that changed and added to their alert system so they could keep track of her for him. But he thought he would like to know.

Now Sam was stuck; should he tell Bomber this? Tell him that his sister was arrested, but what concerned him the most was the assault charge. Hitting a cop was serious and demonstrated to him that she could be violent. Has she ever hit Bomber? Had she laid her hands on him? Sam sadly knew Bomber too well that he knew that if she had then it was more than likely Bomber would have just accepted it, even blame himself for it happening. However would Bomber tell him if he asked him, or would he just brush it off?

He had worked with abuse victims and understood that many of them would blame themselves for the abuse, claiming that they had done something wrong or were clearly asking for it. And the thought of his younger brother saying the same thing about his sister harming him made him nauseous. Nobody deserves to be hurt like that. He was aware that it had occurred; Bomber would simply state that he could have prevented it if necessary. And yet, he had witnessed instances where a man was too terrified to defend himself against a woman for fear of being turned against them if they went to the police.

Looking up, Sam caught Steve's attention and handed over his phone without saying anything, leaving the text message exposed for him to read. He understood from the look on Steve's face that they'd have to discuss this together before speaking with Bomber. It would be painful, and knowing Bomber, he will most likely try to figure out how to help his sister rather than leaving her to deal with it alone like she deserved.

Bomber was too caring for his own good and maybe they will be able to convince him that he needed to stay away from this situation for his own good. Sure, Maddie couldn't physically harm him here, but he was well aware that words could cause far greater suffering when done right. And he had a sense the witch intended to make Bomber suffer. She would use what happened to her as more ammunition to blame him for everything wrong in her life.

Which was not going to happen under his watch. There is absolutely no chance. They would fix this, support him, and get him through it. That was the pledge Sam made to himself. They would get him through this, no matter what.

As  Sam  finished  the  rest  of  his  beer,  he  looked  over  to  where  the  kids  and  Bomber  were playing and knew one thing for sure. And that was they'd need something much stronger than beer for that conversation.

Chapter Text

Steve had settled on his deck, holding a cold beer to enjoying the peace and quiet of the night air. Danny had already left carrying a drowsy Grace to the car after she had spent hours chasing Bomber around the garden with Kamran and Aiden. Chin and Kono had also said goodbye, saying they'd see him at work on Monday. It must have been eleven o'clock at night before the entire house became quiet.

Sam had gone in to help Michelle get Kamran and Aiden to bed in Bomber's room. They had intended to stay in a hotel, but the kids were reluctant to leave Bomber so soon after they saw him again. Kamran's statements at the table must have gotten to them because they didn't argue, nor did Bomber. He had agreed to let them have a stay in his room, but he was claiming the bed saying his back wouldn't take the floor. They had laughed about it, but Steve could not have been happier. Bomber was standing his ground and setting boundaries for himself, even with the kids. In the past, Steve knew that Bomber would undoubtedly have given up his bed to the kids.

Steve looked up when he heard Sam return and realised, he was alone. Michelle must be either still inside or has already returned to their hotel. It was very unlikely that Michelle had left alone, so Michelle must still be inside the house. Sam sat down next to him, his own beer in hand, and sighed.

Today had been harder than he had anticipated, and it was still not over for both of them. They had taken Bomber aside as the kids were getting ready for bed and told him what they knew about his sister, from showing him the reports that G, Sam's partner, had sent over, to explaining what was now going on. Steve was anxious about Bomber's reaction to the news; he didn't want to shatter his little brother's heart after working so hard to make him better, but he knew he had to tell him. He couldn't hide it from him. But when they finally told him, he never expected him to react the way he did. Bomber went mute rather than expressing his views or even raising his voice like normal.

Bomber was able to disguise his emotions in the Seals, but his mask was never full. And it was what he liked about him. The kid could never totally hide his emotions from those who knew him. Everyone else saw him as a stone-faced Seal, much like his brothers, but those who knew him knew where to look. However, after telling him about his sister, he had never seen his brother's mask more complete. It was like staring at a man who had no feelings, someone who was not his brother. Which simply scared him.

After ten minutes of silence, Bomber finally spoke up, asking if there was anything he could do to help her. Those remarks did not surprise them, but what surprised him was the coldness he felt when his brother spoke. His brother had never been cold, and he had only once heard him speak like that, shortly after leaving the Navy following the breakup when things had gotten too much for him.

But then, when the kids shouted that they were ready for the sleepover, Steve saw the mask fall and Bomber appeared to return to normal. He watched closely as Bomber returned to his playful demeanour from before they told him about his sister. Steve was concerned by Bomber's sudden reversion from his playful regular self to this new stone-cold look. Was the person he'd been living with just a mask? He knew when Buck had broken apart that he was the true Bomber since no one could act those panic attacks. However, he was suddenly questioning everything. Had Bomber been wearing a mask all along?

"So that was fun," Sam murmured, breaking the silence and forcing Steve to interrupt his train of thought.

"Yer…" Steve shook his head, recalling Bomber's reaction to the news. He knew Bomber had behaved better than he had anticipated, as he had expected to have to physically restrain him from attempting to fly back to LA to help his sister. "…he took it better than I thought he would." He added. He chose not to mention the mask since he suspected Sam had already noticed it because it was so unusual for Bomber to do so. Another thing he expected Bomber to do was phone his sister right away to see whether it was real, but Bomber did not do this either. He knew Maddie's phone number was not on his brother's new phone, but he had a feeling Bomber had memorised it, much like he had done to his mobile number.

Sam sighed, and Steve noticed him turn to face him in his chair. "Steve, we just told him that his sister has been arrested for attacking two police officers who were responding to a disturbance at his flat, which his friend is currently renting," Sam explained, and Steve realised he had a point. Bomber hadn't gone off on them or attempted to clean up his sister's mess, which concerned them because, as Steve knew, defending family was an important aspect of Bomber's nature.

But Sam did not stop there; he continued talking. "We had to him that his own sister is blaming him for getting locked up because he chose to rent out his property, which he owned outright, without her permission. For some reason, she believes she is entitled to it. To be honest, Steve, he handled it far better than I expected."

Steve had to agree with Sam; things could have gotten far worse. He had been terrified that he would suffer another panic attack at the notion of upsetting or causing difficulties for someone he cared about. Steve had seen Bomber blame himself for the misfortunes of others, even though it was never his fault.

"I know…" Steve admitted.

One of the things that was bothering him about the entire situation was how selfish and entitled Bomber’s sister was to believe that she had the right to dictate Bomber’s life. It was her own fault for getting arrested, not Bomber’s. It was that selfishness that he was glad Bomber hadn’t tried to contact her because she needed to sort things out for herself, not expect her brother to go and bail her out. As a brother himself, he understood what it was like to want to protect a sister; he had felt the same way about Mary, but he also knew that there were times when he had to step back and allow his sibling to make mistakes of their own and deal with the repercussions. And now Bomber's sister had made her bed, she had to lie in it. "…. I can't believe that she is blaming him when he isn't even there." He added, shaking his head.

Sam nodded, but something about Sam's expression told Steve that he knew more. He had hoped that nothing else had happened to give Bomber more grief, but he had a sense that whatever he was holding back wasn't good. They became silent, but after a few moments, Sam sighed and continued, "G looked into the report for me a little further."

"And?" Steve enquired.

"Apparently," Sam said with a growl. “She is trying to report him missing as a vulnerable person so she can get a judge to declare him incompetent so she can be named as his power of attorney.”

Steve froze at that statement, and rage began to grow inside him once again. How dare the witch try to govern his younger brother's life when she had no right to. She'd simply left him. Although his relationship with Mary was strained, he never forgot her. He always attempted to stay in touch, but Maddie simply walked away from her brother's life. Not caring about what he was up to or what he was doing with his life.  He recalled being woken up one night by Bomber crying himself to sleep after she had once again failed to wish him a happy birthday after they had spent the day as a team celebrating. He had tried to comfort him the best he could as he understood what it was like to be abandoned by a family member, but it hadn’t been the same and he knew that. All he could do was be there for him, hold him as he cried and tried to be the best big brother he could ever have to try and fill the gap that Maddie had left.

After Bomber had left, he had tried to keep an eye out for his brother, as he knew Sam had, and had been pretty shocked when he had seen a photo on Bomber’s Instagram account of Bomber with Maddie both smiling at the camera. At the time, he was pleased to see Bomber happy and that he had reconnected with his sister. It had been one of three images that he had uploaded and from what he could work out it was at the fire station and included the whole team celebrating someone’s birthday.

But after careful examination of the photographs, he realised Bomber's smile was not genuine. Bomber did not appear right in the group photo; he was in the background and not drawn into it as some other people had plainly been. It was as if he were an afterthought. Going through all the photos that Bomber had shared over the last year, he noticed that not a single one of them had a true smile. It was an act, and he had fallen for it, just like everyone else had. When he had worked that out, he had started to hate himself even more. He should have seen it sooner. If he had then he could have stepped in earlier and stopped all of this from happening.

"What!" Steve raged but then attempted to manage his temper. Sam wasn't to blame here; the blame was all on Maddie. How could that witch think she could control Bomber’s life when she had only just come back into his life after abandoning him like she did? Bomber was a grown adult, a Veteran of the Navy, a successful artist who was making millions selling his art and a well-trained firefighter with the LAFD. What part of Bomber’s life told anyone that he was unstable? He was more than capable of making his own decisions. So it was highly unlikely that any judge would side with her, but he couldn’t help but worry.

As Steve attempted to calm himself down, he realised that Sam was waiting for him to cool down before proceeding. He plainly did not want him to lose his cool and fly to Los Angeles to do something he would later regret.

"I know…" Sam said quietly as Steve eventually calmed down. "Upon being released by the court on assault charges to return at a later date, she went to the station where Captain Nash's wife worked to report him missing. Fortunately, the Sergeant who took the report was a buddy of the NCIS liaison on our team, and he asked him to keep him posted if anyone reported on him, just in case. He called him the moment she said Bomber's name and asked what he should do. Thankfully, Deeks told him to tell her to screw off without even asking me, and Deeks told me later that his friend had left a note on the file to perhaps deter her from trying again." Sam explained.

Steve knew that they had dodged a bullet at that moment, if Maddie had been successful in reporting Bomber missing then people would have started looking for him. Which would have put Bomber in danger, only a few people knew where Bomber was and for good reason. Clearly, his sister was mad and needed to be kept at a distance until he had healed enough to handle her himself. He knew that while on the island if Bomber’s sister or the 118 found out where he was then he could try and make it very difficult for them to step one foot on the island thanks to his connections, but he was worried that they would try and get him to go to them, guilt-tripping him to get him to do what they wanted.

With what Sam had said about Bomber’s sister, Steve was certain that Maddie was clearly insane and a danger to his little brother. He needed to keep her away from him, he would make certain that they were never in the same room again. Even if Bomber wanted to see her, he would make it virtually difficult for her to harm him.

"How could Bomber want to help her?" Steve said out loud without truly saying it. It was more of a question to himself. He knew Bomber had a good heart and because of that, he wanted to help his family even though she had been one of the people to cause him misery.

“Because that is the type of man he is Steve,” Sam said softly before taking a long gulp of his beer.

Steve mimicked the action; he knew that he would need to sit Bomber down maybe with his councillor as well and explain what had happened with his sister including her attempt to report his missing and declare him incompetent so that she could control him even more. But at the same time, he didn’t want to cause his brother even more pain.

Steve sighed and then spoke, “I know, but I don't understand why she is insisting on finding him so he could take the blame for her. Clearly, she has a boyfriend from what Bomber’s Instagram says and all the people Bomber thought were his friends like her more, so why not go to them?” Steve asked. However, he swiftly added, "It's like she wants everyone to think she is the perfect sister taking the blame for her brother's mistakes and that he needs to go back so that he can take the blame. And hell, you know he is blaming himself.”

"Because we know he's blaming himself for how he left. He left without saying anything, and you know how much he hated doing that to us, so why is this any different?" Sam explained, and Steve knew he was right. Bomber despised leaving without saying goodbye; it was like embarking on a mission without telling the troops how much he cared about them. He would often say 'Here we go boys' to let them know he was with them and wouldn't abandon them.

"I remember…" Steve murmured. Bomber's devotion to people he cared about was always one of the reasons he loved him so much.

"He's not going to change Steve, and nothing we can say will change that," Sam remarked softly. And Steve knew Sam was right. 

"I remember listening to Bomber tell me stories about her. His stories always described her as an incredible older sister who would do anything for him. But now, it makes me question if..." Steve attempted to explain, but for some reason, he could not get the words out.

"Makes you wonder if he was making up the stories to make you feel better?" Sam asked.

Bomber had told them everything about how his parents had been absent from his life and how Maddie had essentially raised him until she left for college. Steve had wondered why Maddie had left him if she cared for him as much as he had indicated. It didn't make much sense back then, but he understood what it was like to parent a younger sibling and the need to get away.

Bomber had told him about how Mr Samson had saved him when his sister left him. Steve had even gone to Mr Samson's cemetery with Bomber several times when they had time off so he wouldn't have to go alone, and after Bomber had walked away from the grave for a moment alone, he had secretly thanked the guy's grave for helping Bomber in the way he did, as well as for introducing him to an outstanding man and a devoted brother. He realised that if it hadn't been for Mr Samson, he could have never met Bomber. And the thought hurt him in his soul. Bomber had changed his life so much that he couldn't imagine living without him.

"Yer…" Steve shook his head. Had Bomber made up lies to make him feel better? He simply believed this because Bomber had never mentioned his sister until he saw the concerned and hurt expression on his face when he informed them about his parents. Did he make up those lies to make him feel better?

Sam sighed and rubbed the back of his head, "People change, Steve, you know that." Sam said "According to what we could find out, Maddie lived with an abusive husband. But…" Sam abruptly stopped, although when Steve looked bewildered, he continued, although Steve could tell Sam was uncomfortable with what he was about to say. "From the reports Eric was able to find about her, the abuse might have been both ways."

"You mean Maddie was also abusive?" Steve asked, and alarm bells rang inside his head. According to Bomber's stories, Maddie would never hurt a fly, but there was a chance she was as abusive as her ex. It made no sense; why had Bomber lied to him? Was he trying to protect his sister? Or was he too humiliated to accept that his sister hurt him more than his parents did? His parents neglected him, pretended he did not exist, and never touched him. But what if Maddie did?

What if Maddie had hurt him but made him believe that it was his fault? Was it why he took the blame for everything? Had Maddie conditioned him to believe that he deserved all the abuse? How could he have missed it? He should have protected his brother from that.

"There are numerous police records on them, but they were always noise complaints. Based on what their former neighbours said, they were as awful as each other. Screaming, and throwing things at each other, and they said that they had seen bruising on Doug as if he had been in a fight. But they never reported it to the police, so we'll never know how bad it was." Sam explained.

Steve could see Sam's concern at this new development, and it proved to him that he needed to keep Bomber away from her until Bomber was strong enough to manage his sister. And if he never got there, he would do all in his power to keep that witch away from his brother until they died.

"That would explain some things," Steve recognised that if Maddie had a history of abuse, it was understandable that she would attack her brother when she did not get her way, but it did not make him feel any better. He had always despised abuse cases, and when he saw one, he wanted to do everything in his ability to help the victim. But, if he was honest with himself, he never stayed to watch the person deal with what had happened to them. Normally, his job was done the moment the case was closed. He never followed up on the victims; he knew Danny did, but he had always been warned not to become attached to anyone because if anything happened to them, he would blame himself. He had always cared about his brothers, but he knew that if he didn't, he'd be a terrible leader and was a risk to their lives. But right now, he regretted that he had never followed up with them. If he did, he might have been in a better position to help his brother if the abuse happened. He would recognise signs and know how to react to them. However, he was also aware that Bomber would never tell him if it happened until he felt ready.

"But I can't help but worry what the hell happened in that house when she was alone with him and she lost it while he was growing up," Steve admitted. He had seen the long-term effects of abuse on children, and given their age gap, he knew Maddie could have caused considerable harm if she had chosen to.  He was also aware that Bomber may have blocked out the abuse he may have experienced, and that Bomber may never remember the abuse unless it was brought up or after extensive therapy. Would asking him about it evoke old memories? He could deal with a lot, but seeing his younger brother break would pain him much more.

"Do you think she hit him?" Sam enquired gently.

Steve looked at him closely, and he could tell Sam was just as concerned as he was. They were both in law enforcement and knew how much abuse could impact someone's life, even if it was hidden. He'd seen it before, and the person had broken down when they realised what they had gone through as a child. Would Bomber behave like that? He had seen his brother broken when he initially arrived; would this make matters worse?

Nevertheless, he was aware of the potential consequences if Bomber did not address these concerns. Flashbacks might pop up, and what would happen if he had one when he was not present to help him recover? Despite being a gentle giant, Bomber was still a Navy Seal who could take down anyone if they didn't know his history. And it would simply exacerbate his mental health problems since he knew Bomber would hate himself more if he hurt someone.

"I'm not sure...I hope not, but I cannot be certain." Steve admitted.

"And are you going to ask him about it?" Sam asked.

Steve groaned and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know." Steve turned his head to peek into the house and noticed Michelle and Bomber were seated on the couch, talking and laughing while drinking what appeared to be cups of tea. "He would still protect her even if she did," Steve confessed.

"He's not going to change brother; he'll always protect his family, and unfortunately, even his batshit crazy sister is still family to him. Even if she had hurt him, he would defend her regardless of what we said. Only he can cut connections with her." Sam stated, but later added, "We just have to be there for him when he does."

"So we just have to sit back and watch her hurt him again?" Steve snapped but immediately regretted it. He didn't want to snap, but the notion of having to sit back and watch that woman hurt his brother again was not something he could tolerate. Sure, he couldn't prohibit Bomber from talking to his sister; she was his family, after all.

He may not be a biological brother, but his connection with Bomber was far greater than any blood connections the kid had. He was the kid's family, just like Sam and the rest of his teammates were.

"That's not what I'm saying," Sam responded, but he didn't raise his voice. Steve understood that Sam was not blaming him for snapping, but rather advising him not to get riled up. Mostly because the kids were sleeping, and if he raised his voice, Bomber would overhear their conversation.

"Steve if we try and baby him, act like he can't take care of himself then he is going to push us away," Sam spoke gently.

Steve sighed and closed his eyes. "I know," he mumbled, knowing that Sam was right; as much as he wanted to shield his younger brother from all the pain in the world, he knew that couldn't control his brother's life. Bomber was his own person. And so he had to make his own decisions. All they could do was be present for him when he needed them. But it felt awful to simply sit back and watch his brother suffer. "I just don't like seeing him hurt." He then added.

"None of us do," Sam replied, shaking his head.

They went silent again, looking into the dark garden that had been lit up with the outdoor lights that Kono had brought for him so that they could only just see the water from where they were seated. He understood that sitting back and watching someone he cared about get hurt was the worst sensation in the world. It was why he would never work in command; he couldn't sit back and watch a screen while his brothers were under fire.

"So are we going to talk about it?" Sam asked, breaking the silence.

Steve turned to face him and asked, "What?" He asked.

Sam chuckled and shook his head, but Steve continued to stare bewildered at Sam as if he should already know what he was talking about. "The fact that you are still blaming yourself," Sam observed.

Steve had no notion what Sam was talking about; while he hated himself for a variety of things, he had no idea what fact Sam was referring to. "I don't know what you are talking about," Steve said.

Sam let out a breath. "Steve I can see that you are blaming yourself every time you look at Bomber, if I can see it then I can be sure as hell be certain that Bomber can see it too."

Steve paused and gazed down at the ground. He had thought no one would see it, but he had plainly not disguised it well enough. He blamed himself for everything that had transpired with Bomber, beginning with the breakup and continuing to the present. He was to fault for his subsequent misery and suffering. Bomber would not have been in Los Angeles or joined the LAFD if it hadn't been for him. All because he was so focused on seeing two of his brothers find love that he missed the signs of danger that should have been there but since he wasn’t looking for them, he didn’t look.

However, because he had clearly not said anything, Sam continued, "It's not your fault they started dating."

Steve sighed, knowing Sam was right once again, but argued, "I should have stopped them, we wouldn't be in this mess if I did. I was the one who introduced them and gave my permission for them to begin dating."

If he was honest with himself, he knew deep down that he couldn't have stopped the two of them from falling in love after seeing the soft smiles and looks they had begun to exchange over the first few weeks of Bomber's time on the team. They had quickly become friends, which was not unusual given Bomber's friendliness with everyone, but this was different. They developed the best of friendships.  They were inseparable.

Sam shook his head, "Steve, you didn't introduce them; you chose Bomber to join your team since he was the best candidate during selection. You did not set them up on a blind date or anything like that."

Steve shook his head nearly fiercely as he said, "I could have picked someone else." He admitted, but he did not believe his own words.

"Bomber was the best Seal in that selection; they would have called you insane not to pick him when you had the first choice. Everyone wanted him." Sam said. Sam knew what Steve was attempting to do, he wanted to shoulder all the blame because it was the only way he could deal with the betrayal he felt on the inside.

"But if I hadn't picked him then he wouldn't have met that bastard and he wouldn't have been heartbroken and left," Steve said in a fury.

Sam scoffed and shook his head, "And then he could be dead somewhere."

Steve was taken aback by Sam's comment: "You don't know that." He argued, but Sam's glare stopped him from saying anything else.

"If you hadn't chosen Bomber, someone else would have," Sam began to explain, but before Steve could respond, Sam continued. "With Bomber's skills and luck there is a more than likely chance that if he was with another team, he would more than likely have gotten himself killed."

Sam admitted, and Steve knew he was correct. Bomber had bled for his brothers more times than he cares to remember. He would have sacrificed his life for them. No matter who it was, he had bled for him. The single operation in Syria sprang to mind.

They had gone in to clear a compound, and as he and Bomber had gone to clear a building, he hadn't noticed a suicide bomber, only in the next room. However, without considering his own safety, Bomber grabbed him and fiercely threw him out the door as the vest detonated. He'd been thrown clear, but Bomber had been trapped inside the building. It had taken him and his colleagues an hour to dig Bomber out. Fortunately, he had been able to protect himself by jumping behind a couch that had been in the room, although he suffered a dislocated shoulder, a head wound, shrapnel in his chest that had mercifully missed everything major, and a broken leg. Steve still had nightmares about that night, when they discovered him, he was soaked in blood from his head wound and, unfortunately, unconscious. Steve initially assumed he had died, but thankfully he swiftly regained consciousness thanks to some skilfully aimed slaps to his cheek.

Steve found himself crying as he saw Bomber's baby blue eyes open and looking up at him. He wanted to hug and strangle him simultaneously. He knew he had saved him by shoving him out of the building before it blew up, and he felt grateful. But, as the team leader, he was responsible for protecting his men, not the other way around. And he told Bomber about it later, after watching the base doctor treat him, but Bomber simply shrugged his shoulders and said he'd do it again without hesitation, and Steve believed him.

And he did, repeatedly and not just for him. He had saved every member of their team multiple times, as well as members from other teams. Bomber was recognised for his devotion to the brotherhood. However, that loyalty came at a cost, and Steve was concerned that one day he would have to witness Bomber's ultimate sacrifice for his fellow brothers.

Steve never wanted to see that, and he had once spoken with Bomber, who was high on morphine, about what his future might be after leaving the service. He needed to ensure that his brother saw himself as having a future, even if it meant leaving the service to pursue other interests, and he only prayed that the kid had a backup plan. He had one, even though he would never admit it.

Unfortunately, Bomber stated that he had not given much thought to what he would do after retirement because he never imagined leaving the service except in a wooden box. He even joked that at his funeral, he wanted everyone to wear their uniforms with a pink t-shirt underneath, and thereafter, they would go to the local animal shelter to help with their open day, as he had done so many times at home.

Steve's heart had hurt so much when he revealed that, which is why he had been so pleased with Bomber's romance with his fellow Seal as he overheard them discussing their future because it meant that Bomber saw himself as a future.

"Doesn't make me feel any better, he still got hurt and came very close to crossing the line," Steve admitted and he knew that Sam knew what line he was talking about. He also knew that Sam wasn't stupid; he had seen how the kid looked when he found him. They had nearly lost him.

"He's still breathing," Sam stated softly.

And he knew Sam was right; their kid was still alive, and he vowed himself that he would keep it that way. Regardless of the expense. "And I'm going to keep it that way and help him get closure." Steve was mostly talking to himself when Sam spoke, and he had no idea what he had said.

"What kind of closure?" he inquired.

Steve looked up and realised he had said that without meaning to. He hadn't had time to tell Sam about his recent text that he had only received just before Sam had joined him on the deck.  He was apprehensive about what this news would mean for their younger brother and how he would handle the news. But he also knew Bomber needed this closure to move on with his life, even if it meant seeing that bastard again. He wouldn't kill him just yet.

"Joe found him?" Sam asked, astonished, and Steve could see the rage that had begun to form in Sam's eyes. He understood right away that Sam was not going to leave until this meeting had occurred so that he could ensure the safety of their brother. And maybe help him hide a body.

Steve nodded in response to Sam's question. He didn't need to tell him any more specifics, primarily since Joe hadn't told him much. His message was simple and to the point, as were all of Joe's messages. "Yer, they are on a plane and will be here around mid-day tomorrow." Steve ended his sentence.

Sam sat in his seat, shocked, and he didn't blame him; Steve, like Sam, had tried to find the bastard after he had left. But with no luck. How could Joe get to him so quickly? He wanted to ask, but he knew even if he begged, Joe would not reveal his secrets. No, he'd take that to the grave.

"Where was he?" Sam asked, still astonished.

Steve shrugged his shoulders and added, "Joe wouldn't tell me." But then he paused; there was something else in Joe's text that worried him, something that made little sense given that he had heard what had transpired directly from Bomber. "He also said that there were things that happened that I didn't know. That there was more to the story that even Bomber knows." He added but then wiped his palm across his face.

When Joe stated anything like that, it indicated that something else was going on that he wasn't going to like when he found out. But what perplexed Steve even more was that he had purposefully thrown Bomber's name into the conversation, which made him uneasy.

"We'll just have to wait then, let them talk, and hopefully Bomber gets the answers he's looking for," Sam remarked, finishing the rest of his beer and laying the empty bottle on the floor next to his seat.

"I don't know how you can be so calm about this…" Steve exclaimed angrily, Sam hadn't been there when the breakup happened. He had not realised how broken Bomber was. "The man nearly destroyed Bomber, and I'm not sure I can just let them talk. Not after he left the way he did." Steve admitted.

Sam sighed and shifted his chair slightly closer to him as if he wanted to get closer to keep his voice quiet. "Steve, they were together a long time." Sam began, but quickly raised his hand to prevent Steve from speaking. "There are many things that clearly need to be said. Sure, Bomber might be hurt by them, but they loved each other. Nobody could fake what they had." Sam acknowledged.

And Steve knew he was right; the love everyone saw between the two men was something else. If he had to put it in words, he would say it was the closest thing to pure love he had ever witnessed. They appear to be made for each other, which surprised him even more when they broke up.

"Bomber needs this closure to understand what happened, and if Joe knows anything about it, it suggests there were other factors at play when they split up. They truly loved each other back then, and Bomber needs to know what happened. To fully comprehend so that he can move forward with his life. There are hidden questions here, Steve; we just need to be patient." Sam added.

"I wouldn't say true love, they fought like cats and dogs at times, I knew that they liked each other but I was still pretty shocked when they told me they were together," Steve admitted with a chuckle. He recalls Bomber sleeping on his couch after a fight or having to intervene before things got out of hand.

Sam just started laughing at his statement, which confused Steve a little. After wiping away a stray tear that had started to fall down Sam's cheek from laughing so hard, Sam finally explained, "Steve, we all saw that coming, we even started a bet on the second week Bomber was on your team about how long it would be before they admitted their relationship."

Steve froze and looked completely perplexed; he was unaware of any bet involving them. Nobody had told him, "What are you talking about? There was no bet." Steve shook his head. He would have known about any bets on his guys; it would not have gone undetected.

"Sure there was, I won over $200 when I guessed right," Sam confessed with a grin.

"Seriously $200?" Steve enquired, surprised.

"Well it was $400 but Michelle wanted half since it was her answer I submitted," Sam said. But he swiftly added, "All of the teams were involved. We all saw it coming."

Steve didn't believe what he was hearing. He could tell from Sam's expression that they had been purposely kept away from the bet for some reason. Perhaps he would have informed Bomber or altered the game to ensure that he won. Who knows, but he was unhappy about it. "I can't believe you all did that," he exclaimed, shaking his head.

"Steve, those two were love-struck from the minute they met, and we needed to get paid for having to deal with all of that," Sam confessed as he leaned back in his chair.

Steve grinned slightly at the comment. Perhaps Sam was right, and he needed to be patient to fully comprehend what had occurred between the two men, but he couldn't help but sympathise with Bomber more. Perhaps it was because he stayed to tell him what had happened, or it could have been due to their friendship. Who knows, but he was also aware that if Joe had discovered that the bastard had just become bored, he would not have brought him to them; instead, Joe would have exacted his own revenge.

Sam's voice broke through his thoughts, prompting him to look up at him. Sam grinned, and Steve assumed that he had merely called his name. He wasn't sure what Sam had said following his last comment, but he wasn't going to acknowledge to him that he had zoned out. Steve deduced from Sam's expression that he was aware of what he had done.

But his brother did not say anything; instead, he nodded, as if he understood his concern over the situation. There were too many unknowns right now, and he despised it. Whatever Joe knew could either break or strengthen his younger brother, he needed to know so he could prepare.

Sam placed a hand on Steve's shoulder and murmured, "Things will get better Steve." Steve believed him. He would make sure of it.

Chapter Text

Buck found himself sitting on the soft sand of the beach in front of Steve's house, his feet buried in the sand, trying to figure out how his life had turned out this way. How did everything fall apart so easily? When he left the Navy and joined the LAFD, he believed he had found his forever home. That he would remain with his job and the individuals he considered family until he retired or died. How mistaken he had been.

Looking back, he realised that no one at the station respected him, not completely. He knew Eddie had first respected him because of his qualifications and the fact that he required him to be able to perform the types of rescues that he did without needing all the certificates.  Sure, they had developed a strong bold, but there was always something there that he had disregarded at the time, telling him that Eddie did not completely accept him as a well-trained firefighter. He got the impression that all the other people's comments about him were the source of his discomfort. Chimney had been more too glad to grumble or joke about him even when he was around, and if others who had worked with him for so long could openly trash him, Eddie must have concluded that he wasn't very valuable outside of rescues and babysitting.

Yes, as a friend, but not in terms of his actual expertise and training. Perhaps if he had told him about his service, things would have been different; nevertheless, he understood anyone looking into his service would believe it was impossible for someone his age to be as experienced as him. Sure, Steve had pulled some strings, but if they didn't know him, they'd think he was lying. But the major reason he hadn't told Eddie was that Chimney and Bobby had already told him the lie he was telling and that he had quit the service. He did not want Eddie to accuse him of stealing valour. And this was especially true given the strength of his friendship with Chris. 

He couldn't lose Chris that way. It killed him that Eddie had cut him out of the kid's life with the lawsuit, and he knew he had broken it by speaking through Carla, but he couldn't stop himself. He loved that child as if he were his own. It was another reason he had enjoyed babysitting for Eddie so much. It made him feel helpful to both Eddie and Chris. He could ensure that Chris had a more enjoyable childhood than he had. He had never lost a parent, primarily because he had never had any, to begin with, but when Maddie departed, he felt the huge hole she had left, which was like the void Sharron had left in Chris' life. He knew it wasn't the same, but it was close enough.

Everyone else in the station, however, did not respect him. Not really, they appreciated him for doing his job to the best of his ability. Aside from that, people saw him as an overly immature child with no concept of life. That he lacked intelligence, he had heard that almost his entire life. He continued his training after leaving the Navy to keep his mind sharp and his body ready for anything. He despised being called that, yet he never bothered to correct them when they said it to him.

Perhaps he was hesitant to correct them because he did not want to rock the boat. He had considered joining another station or looking for other options, but he did not want to have to start over. Not when they had probably already spread the word that he was useless. He knew they had. The Los Angeles Fire Department was just as bad for rumour as the Navy. He knew that other stations would properly reject him once the rumours they had been spreading about him reached their ears.

He had considered upping and leaving, perhaps finding another career or moving to another city to avoid the comments, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. He had realised that he might be valuable here; he liked the city, the people, and the waves. He didn't want to relocate again, especially because he hadn't really bothered to get to know the place. He didn't want to feel useless because that worry had been a recurring theme in his life.

His parents had no time for him, making him feel like a useless son. And then Maddie upped and left him, making him feel even more useless because he hadn't been enough for her to sick on. It appeared that feeling useless was a recurring theme in his life, one he wished to put an end to.

It's why he picked the paths he did; working in teams and helping others always made him feel useful. In the Navy, he pushed so hard to be the greatest so that he could help his teammates, who later became his brothers. He will do anything for them, regardless of the cost. And then he left, feeling like he was betraying them, but deep down he knew that if he stayed, he would just end up getting them killed. It's why he left. He wouldn't be responsible for his brothers' dying because he didn't care to live.

When he joined the LAFD, he hoped that with all his rescue training, he could make a difference on home soil. He had used them so much in other countries to help that he decided to do some good at home instead. However, when he finally started to work, he was blocked at every turn for some reason. He had no idea why, but Captain Nash clearly did not trust his judgement, as he had overridden many of his proposals during a rescue that would have been safer than the ones he had forced him and Eddie to perform.

He had stood firm on a handful of them, but only while other teams were nearby, explaining that his idea was beneficial for everyone involved. It didn't make him popular with the crew. He remembered one time arguing with Captain Nash for over five minutes before another Captain stepped in. Thanks to his help he managed to save a father of three who might not have survived if they had followed Captain Nash's plan. He had gotten an ear full for that one, but he didn't care. He got a father back to his family and that was worth the earache he suffered.

Despite the problems he faced with the team, he loved his job. But after the bombing and the lawsuit, perhaps that was a mistake. Perhaps it was a mistake to believe that he could continue to be useful when the people he relied on thought so little of him. It was almost as if they had been looking for a reason to bench him or get rid of him. And the bombing had given them that.

Leaving to stay with Steve had been an unexpected lifeline that he had not anticipated. He was glad for that. He knew what would have happened had Steve not picked up when he did. He would have either finished his painkiller all in one go or found something sharp. But that was only the last choice. He didn't want anyone to suffer as a result of his actions, and he'd witnessed enough suicides to understand the devastation they caused. And he would not have wanted that. He also knew that combining the pain relievers with the box of sleeping medication he had would be painless. Like falling asleep.

That was his plan if Steve hadn't picked up the phone, and now that he could think clearly, he realised how down he really was. It scared him. But he'd been desperate. He needed an exit. And, fortunately, Steve had come through for him. As he usually did. However, he was also aware that he needed to suppress that small voice that told him he was no good to anyone. He knew it was the sadness and anxiety talking; Doctor Copeland had said as much the last time they spoke, but thinking back on how close he had come scared him.

Maybe it was a good thing. Scare him straight, maybe. But it had worked. Now he did not want to die. He wanted to live. There was still work to be done, things he needed to focus on. He was aware that he needed to address some concerns, as well as manage everything else more productively.  He had put everything in place, but he was aware that he still had work to do.

But he had another concern at the moment. Maddie. What was he going to do with his sister?

Steve and Sam had sat down when he got up to tell him more about Maddie's predicament.  The assault she committed on the officer was severe; she managed to fracture one of the officer's ribs when she elbowed him in the wrong place. He had seen Davy and Matthews' names on the report and felt even worse, he had frequently met them on calls and got along well with them. He was devastated to learn that they were hurt because of something he had done. It didn't seem right.

He had pondered what had happened when he left, particularly how long it took for them to notice he had gone. Maddie had found out and gone to his house to make enough trouble to have herself arrested. He recalled their previous talk when she insisted that he listen to her and acknowledge that he wasn't made out for frontline work. She walked out, slamming the door behind her and telling him to listen to him and that she would be back when he calmed down when she had been the one shouting.

Buck looked down at his phone, staring at the screen. It was blank. And no matter how many times he turned it in his hand, he couldn't stop himself from acting as if it was explosive. To be honest, it sort of was.

It was his old phone from LA, and once Steve informed him about Maddie, he couldn't stop himself from carrying it around with him. It was still off. He hadn't turned it off since leaving LA. Mostly because he was terrified about what was on it.  He gazed down at the blank screen. He hated himself for not phoning Maddie or reaching out to her to check if she was okay as soon as he heard about the arrest. He knew that was ridiculous, but he assumed any brother would think so when they heard out their sister had been arrested.

He signed and looked at his phone, knowing that simply turning it on would unleash a stream of angry and frustrated messages that he knew were waiting for him.  If he had been stronger, strong enough to just face everyone's comments he might have been able to stop this or at least warn Kyle that his sister was on the warpath. He could have also alerted the building manager to try to prevent her from gaining entry to the building; he would have been more than willing to pay to have the main door locks modified or even updated so that she could not obtain entry at all, but he had entirely forgotten about it. He knew Maddie would make a fuss over not being able to get into his flat, but he never expected her to do this.

He felt awful for Kyle; the poor guy had not signed up for this. He merely wanted a good, inexpensive place to live. Not dealing with his problems. He had written an email to the accountant, asking him to cut the rent for Kyle for the next three months as an apology for what Maddie had done, and instructed him to contact Mr Norton as well, offering to update the building security at no cost to ensure that this did not happen again. He didn't care how much it cost; he repaid all his old neighbours for the uproar Maddie had caused.

With another deep breath, he clicked the phone's power button and watched the screen flash to life. He had begged to be left alone when he finished with Steve and Sam, but he had promised not to travel far. But he hadn't. If he was honest with himself, he had only made it to the beach before his strength gave out, and he had hastily seated himself on the warm sand to hide how close he had been to falling. He knew it was more emotional tiredness than physical, but he hadn't slept well. Fortunately, he hadn't had any nightmares, which he was grateful for because he didn't want to wake the kids, who were sound asleep when he eventually went to bed.

Buck found himself looking out at the water while he waited for the phone to turn on. Hawaii had always been such a beautiful place that he could picture himself staying for a time. Even if he didn't stay here permanently, he'd always remember this spot fondly. He'd made some wonderful friends here, and he knew his brother was also here. Chin, Kono, and Danny had welcomed him into their families without hesitation and had even arranged outings particularly for him rather than merely asking him because they wanted Steve to be present.

Chin had asked him if he still wanted to go to the ranch where he kept his horse and exercise his friend's horse with him on Wednesday. He had managed to get the day off from Steve (who had most likely helped plan everything) so that they could go. His friend had happily allowed him to ride her horse. But she did warn him that he was a feisty animal, but manageable. Chin had offered his own horse if he was too nervous, but Buck had shrugged his shoulders and said he would see how the horse reacted to him when they arrived. He was definitely looking forward to it. He also intended to go surfing with Kono later in the evening to catch one of Hawaii's stunning sunsets from the water.

His thoughts were interrupted when his phone finally turned on, and the mayhem began. He didn't even have time to unlock his phone before it exploded from the influx of missed calls and messages. He calmly waited as message after message filled his screen; it was pointless to try to read them all because they kept arriving.

Instead of just holding his phone while more and more texts continued to arrive, he sighed and set it down on the sand. He knew he wasn't mentally prepared to deal with everyone's messages and calls. So he chose to mute the ones he didn't want to deal with and made a mental note to capture screenshots of the messages when he was ready to read them in case he needed to report anyone. While only handling Maddie's and possibly Captain Nash's, if he was ready. He hadn't intended to report any of them to the department, but he would if it meant he was protecting himself.  He had no idea what gossip or rumours the 118 was spreading about him, but he knew they wouldn't keep anything back now that he had departed and vanished on them. However, as much as he knew that he couldn't be written up for leaving in the manner he did by Captain Nash was because he had notified the Deputy Chief, who had approved and signed off on his time off.

It was then that he discovered something: he no longer cared what others thought of him. He was always an afterthought to them, so they couldn't expect him to be the same for them. It seemed unusual and almost foreign to not care what his team thought of him, but he knew it was a good thing. He had to think about himself, but it didn't imply that he was selfish or self-absorbed. He was just looking after himself.

His phone finally stopped vibrating, so he took a big breath and picked it up. He didn't have to worry about anyone tracing the number because Sam had assured him that someone, he works with had blocked any trace that might have been placed on his old number. He knew Athena was unlikely to look for him, but it was comforting to know he didn't have to worry about it.

Unlocking his old phone felt strange; he'd barely realised how different his new phone was, but holding the old one reminded him that Steve had also clearly given him an upgrade. He made a mental note to check on the type of phone his brother had given him, as the man had decided to deliver it to him in a blank black box. And then he was going to sit down with Steve and complain about how much he spent on him.

As the screen unlocked, Buck ignored the messages for the time being and looked at his phone call ion. He had over 300 missed calls. He couldn't believe it. When he pressed on ion, it seemed like everyone had tried to contact him more than once. However, as he scrolled down this list, he observed that after a few days, Eddie, Hen, and Athena had all given him space. At the same time, he noted that Maddie, Chimney, and Captain Nash had not received the message and had kept calling him.

He also noticed that his voicemail messages were also lighting up, but he couldn't be bothered to listen to them because he knew what they would be, them yelling at him, telling him that he had all but abandoned them and making threats about what would happen to him if he didn't pick up or return. They wouldn't be able to physically hurt him. But his brain didn't comprehend that, and his anxiousness would only spiral again.

Closing his call history, he accessed the messaging app and discovered that his messages numbered in the thousands. He grumbled and instantly muted the messages from Chimney, Eddie, Hen, and Athena. He'd read them all later, but he didn't want to deal with them just now. Instead, he concentrated on the two that he knew would pose the most problems. His own sister and former captain. The first message he saw from Captain Nash simply said: 'I'm disappointed in you.'

Buck knew that Nash's comment would have a powerful impact even before the bombing and lawsuit. He respected Captain Nash and wished he had a father like him. However, for some reason, the comment did not bother him. It was like that now he no longer cared what the man thought of him, it didn't hurt to read comments like that. Perhaps it was the realisation that the man never understood him in the manner he believed he did.

He took a cursory glance at the lengthy outburst that Captain Nash had informed him about the day before the disappointed comment. It was evident to him that Chimney had informed Bobby about Maddie's arrest because Maddie was most likely still in police custody at the time the text was sent.  But he didn't care.

The message also contained many of the same accusations he had hurled at him since the lawsuit, accusing him of forcing the department to investigate him and the station without cause and spreading lies about them. He shook his head, acknowledging that he had no influence over the department. If they wanted to investigate, so be it. That was not his fault. They were free to do whatever they wished. And, according to the chatter he had heard, the 118 was not a popular station right now, therefore the department had every right to investigate them.

He closed Bobby's messages since he couldn't deal with his issues. However, one comment raised his anxiety: no other station would want him. He remembered Kyle telling him that other Captains were interested in him, but at what risk? If he joined another station and ended up doing the same job as the 118, would his fellow firefighters be at risk because the 118 hated him? He wouldn't be held accountable for another firefighter's death because of a personal vengeance. And if it meant leaving Los Angeles permanently to ensure the safety of his fellow firefighters, so be it.

His finger hovered above Maddie's messages. He was aware that he was going to open a big can of worms when he clicked on it, but he knew he had to do it. He needed to know if Maddie explained what was going on in her mind, if she felt bad about what she had done to Kyle, Matthews, and Davy, and if she finally recognised that she couldn't control his life.

But he knew better; Maddie would most likely continue to blame him for everything. When Sam told him that Maddie had attempted to report him missing as well as speak with a lawyer to gain control of his assets and flat, he was upset but not shocked. Maddie had always enjoyed exerting control over things; she had done so throughout his childhood. And again when she returned to his life. However, when she turned back up, he was able to fend her off a little. When they lived together, Maddie tried to micromanage what he did, ate, and dressed, adding comments to persuade him to agree with her.

But he hadn't allowed it to happen; he had a routine that he was unwilling to abandon for her. And after he got hurt, things just got worse. She had attempted to manage everything. It irritated him so much that she refused to back down and acknowledge that he was a grown man. And he had the impression that she was making all her messages about herself and that he needed to listen to her and do what she said like he was a bad kid.

And he had been correct. When he clicked on Maddie's message, they were all on the sideline.

Do as you're told, listen to me, you're in so much trouble, stop being childish, you need to apologise for everything, you're being so selfish, this isn't all about you, do you understand what you've done, you need to listen to me because clearly you can't look after yourself, you're such a disappointment, answer my calls right now, answer your phone, do you realise what you have done to me, I am your sister so you better listen to me and do as I say etc.

They all said the same thing: he was a child being told off and needed to come home and accept his punishment. Buck chuckled to himself if only Maddie knew who he really was. However, deep down, he believed that if Maddie had known how accomplished and wealthy he was, she would have worked harder to gain control of his life. She would want that money; it was unfortunate that he felt that of his own sister, but it was true. If Maddie had known, he had a feeling she would start making things up about him like he was losing it or started messing with him until someone sectioned him so she could play the doting older sister who came in to care for her sick younger brother while happily sending his money wherever she wanted.

That was a wonderful email to send to his lawyer; he outlined what Sam had told him, as well as the risk he believed Maddie posed to him and his financial situation. He had previously transferred his next of kin to Steve, and with that email, he intended to delegate control of his funds to him if he ever became unable to do so. He was not going to let his sister influence him anymore. And she wasn't going to get his money. If she had any future children, his trusties would manage their trust fund rather than her, and the education fund would only be available to them when they reached the age of maturity. He didn't intend to give Maddie much money in his will; if he remembered correctly, he had only given her $10,000 with the stipulation that if she tried to fight the will, she would receive nothing. He knew he shouldn't leave her anything after how she had treated him, but $10,000 was just a drop in the ocean of his available assets. Despite having hurt him, she was still his sister.

However, as he went through the messages, he discovered the ones from immediately before she was detained and then later, possibly after she was released. Reading them made his heart sink; one of them explicitly indicated that she was coming over to sort him out and that, if necessary, she would drag him to the department, force him to withdraw any claims against the 118, and resign from the department because he was clearly no longer qualified to work anymore. But what really made his blood boil was when she stated he would be handing over his keys to the flat because he was moving in with her until he could be trusted again, and she expected him to contribute to the household.

Who did she think she was? His mother? Because he never had nor needed one. To think she was so insane that she could simply drag him to the department and force him to quit was amusing enough, but to think that he would gladly hand over his keys to his apartment and move in with her, only told him that she was insane. Did she really expect him to simply kneel to her every command like he was a dog?

Buck couldn't stop reading them for some reason, and as he read Maddie's angry messages, he became increasingly concerned about her. Had she lost the plot? Maybe she was suffering from a mental disease that caused her to act this way; she was a little controlling growing up, but this was the next level. She seemed to just see him as a young child who needed to be punished instead of a full-grown man.

Then came the message, evidently written after she had been released, claiming that it was entirely his fault, that he had disrespected her by renting out his own flat without her permission. And he just had one day to get to her house and apologise for everything. Then he was going to pay whatever penalty she was given and resign from the LAFD because he couldn't be trusted in such a crucial position. Then they were going to go to his place, kick Kyle and 'his fag boyfriend' (which he had no idea about but was furious when he read those words), and give her the keys to do whatever she wanted. As well as apologise and support Chimney and Captain Nash in any way with the department to make sure they kept their jobs and even got better pay out of it. However, she then told him that she expected him to accompany her to the bank to put her name on all his accounts, as she intended to manage his money because he could plainly not be trusted. She would also attend all hospital and medical appointments from now on to ensure that he was telling them everything and following their orders.

She was mad if she thought he would go along with her plan.

Buck just shook his head; the message was only from this morning, so he had a few hours to figure out what protection he needed but more importantly what the hell he was going to do with his life.

He realised that now, more than ever, he needed to sort out his life otherwise, when Maddie did try something, he wouldn’t be ready. He had a feeling that Maddie planned to make his life even more miserable than it already was. He also realised Maddie was probably cooking up something. She hadn't been able to report him missing just yet, but he wouldn't be surprised if she didn't try it again or even something self.

As he set down his old phone next to him and grabbed up his new phone, he quickly sent a short email to his lawyer explaining everything and forwarding Maddie's message from the other phone which he had already taken screenshots of and airdropped to himself and requested that he begin gathering the documents for a cease-and-desist letter and, if necessary, a restraining order, and prepare them for delivery.

He didn't want to do it, but if it was necessary to defend himself, he was willing to do it. Buck also asked him if he had any contacts in the courts so that they could keep an ear out in case Maddie tried to see a judge. He knew that no lawyer would take her case, but he couldn't help but suspect that she would twist the truth or lie to get her way. He didn't trust her anymore; therefore he needed to do everything he could to protect himself.

Buck knew he didn't have to worry too much; his lawyer was one of the best in the business, running his own practice in New York with an office in Los Angeles from which he frequently worked out of because he now lived there, and he knew exactly how to handle any case Maddie tried to bring. He also informed him that he would not be settling any lawsuit she attempted to bring because they had ample proof to support his version of the story no matter the cost.

Buck put down his phone as soon as the email was sent and stared out at the ocean. He exhaled loudly and ran his hands through his hair; how had his life become so messed up?

He understood that fretting over this wasn't good for his health, especially given what Doctor Gallagher had told him. He needed to get better for everyone he cared for, but especially for himself. And he doubted he'd be able to do so if he had to return to Los Angeles.  Sure, he enjoyed LA and would want to go back if only to see Chris, Carla, and the others who cared about him, but he wasn't sure he could work there. If he stayed in LA, he knew Maddie would continue to try to dominate his life.

She'd simply show up wherever he was and cause a commotion to get what she wanted. And he understood that in some circumstances, she would look like a harmless woman, and he was a huge, muscled man who was yelling at her. He knew that if they got into a yelling match in public, he would be considered the bad guy and would more likely get the police called on him. He couldn't do that to himself anymore; he was sick of being someone else's punching bag.

With a deep breath, he realised what he had to do. Picking up his new phone, he accessed his LAFD emails and began his email to the Deputy Chief. Deep down, composing the email hurt more than the bombing itself. He loved the LAFD for how it changed his life since he joined, and especially for all the people he had saved, but it wasn't a safe place for him anymore. Sure, he'd leave that door open in case he ever wanted to go back, but right now, he needed to heal.

Doctor Copeland frequently told him that the best way to ensure the safety and well-being of those he cared about was to take a step back, look at the situation, and judge how it would affect himself first, and if it hurt him, he needed to take another step back and tend to himself before helping others. She summed it up nicely: he needed to take care of himself first before helping others because if he didn't, he was no good to others. And she was right. He had to focus on himself.

But he also felt obligated to give the Chief a full explanation for why he was doing this because they had helped him so much. He couldn't walk away without telling them his side of the story and thanking them for the opportunity.

His email stated:

Dear Deputy Chief Muller,

I'm writing to formally resign from my position as a firefighter, effective immediately. The decision was not made lightly, but recent events inside the department have led me to believe that I am no longer wanted or supported here.

Unfortunately, ongoing issues with Captain Nash have impacted my ability to fulfil my role. His repeated actions in withholding me from active calls, coupled with his interference in my attempts to transfer within the department, have created a difficult working environment. I have experienced what I perceive to be a pattern of bullying and misconduct that has not only affected my career progression but has also made me question my place within this team.

Despite my efforts to address these issues professionally, the lack of support or resolution has left me feeling undermined and unappreciated. This is not how I envisioned my career, and I feel I can no longer serve effectively under these conditions. I believe stepping down is the best course of action for my well-being and professional integrity.

I am deeply grateful for the opportunities I have had to serve our community and work alongside talented, dedicated individuals. I hope that the department can continue to foster an environment that supports all its firefighters in doing their best work.

Thank you for understanding my position.

Respectfully,

Evan Buckley

Station 118

He sighed after reading the email several times and noting a few items before forwarding it again to his lawyer. He wanted him to read it and give him authorisation to send it. This email had to be perfect since he wasn't quite ready to give up on the LAFD. Sure, he was partly throwing Captain Nash under the bus, but based on the rants he had written him, he had no choice.

As soon as his lawyer gave him the go-ahead, he would forward it to Deputy Chief Muller, and he would be officially out of the job once more. He hadn't really considered what he was going to do with himself next. Sure, he could join another fire department or one of the rescue teams that toured the country training others, but that was only when he was fully recovered. He needed to focus on that before choosing his next job. 

He took up his old phone once more and began deleting many of the apps that were no longer required. He logged out of all his social media accounts but first deactivated them for the time being. He didn't want to delete them right away because he wasn't sure if he'd want to keep using them or if he'd simply create a new account when he was ready. Another reason he didn't want to delete them was the pictures that were on them as they were from his time in LA. Even though he was hurt right now, he loved and enjoyed his time there.

Perhaps he wasn't ready to close the door right now.

He then turned off the phone again before putting it back on the ground. He would keep it in his room and only check it once a week to update his lawyer and, when he was ready, he would go through all of the other messages and voicemails (which, to be fair, he really just wanted to forward them onto his lawyer and his team for him to sort out, as well as any that were needed for his case for him to keep and then send back all of the ones that didn't call him a selfish bastard) and decide whether or not to answer any of them.

He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn't hear anyone approach him; it wasn't until the man's shadow appeared on the sand that he noticed him. At first, he assumed it was Steve coming to get him; they had agreed to meet Sam and Michelle with the kids on the beach for a picnic, but the shadow looked strange; this man was an inch or two taller than Steve, and it wasn't Sam because he was smaller. Buck quickly got to his feet and turned, only to find himself paralysed where he was. He couldn't believe who he was seeing.

What was he doing here? How did he know he was here? Was he staking him? Did he expect money from him? All these questions and more began to swirl about in his mind, and his heart raced even faster.

"Hi, Ev," the man said. All Buck could do was stare at the man who appeared to be a stranger yet was not. He had once been the man he intended to marry and spend his life with, only for him to vanish on him.

"Caleb?" He asked shocked.

Chapter Text

Mysterious Artist E.C.G. Unveils New Collection in L.A. to Support Tsunami Victims and First Responders

The enigmatic artist known simply as E.C.G. is scheduled to present a new art collection at a much-anticipated gallery opening this weekend at the Santa Monica Pier Community Gallery. The elusive individual, whose identity has been cloaked in mystery for years, has said that all proceeds from the collection's auction will benefit victims of the recent deadly tsunami and first responders who risked their lives to help.

The "Resurgence" collection consists of emotionally charged pieces inspired by themes of survival, perseverance, and rejuvenation. E.C.G. is known for abstract and intensely personal works and continues to captivate the public's imagination with art that speaks to collective world traumas, typically through sad yet uplifting images.

"I don't seek the spotlight," E.C.G. said in a rare public statement sent through his agent, Mr. Sanderford, "but the seriousness of this subject cannot be disregarded. My art is a tribute to those who have lost all, as well as those who have given their everything to help."

The gallery's launch is planned to attract both art collectors and donors. The sale of each artwork will take place throughout the week and promises to raise significant sums for international relief organisations aiding people affected by the disaster.

As the art world and humanitarian community anticipate this tremendous event, many wonder: who is E.C.G., and will this revelation ultimately reveal the artist's true identity? For the time being, the mystery just adds to the excitement around the collection and its good goal.

The "Resurgence" gallery will be accessible to the public on Saturday at 10 a.m., following a private showing on Friday at 3 p.m. for representatives from all emergency services and hospitals involved in the rescues who were invited to the grand opening. The collection will next travel all of the affected areas following the tsunami before embarking on a North American tour.

-

Athena found herself standing in a long queue outside a small community gallery on the Santa Monica Pier, attempting to calm her anxiety. She had opted to wear black jeans, a silk top, her leather jacket, and comfortable boots. She was apprehensive about this night because of who she was with, not the event itself. Bobby, Michael, David, Chimney, Maddie, Hen, Karen, and May all stood in line with her. She had previously promised Bobby that she would not hold her tongue if Maddie and Chimney began their blame campaign on Buck and that if they did, she would make sure they faced the consequences.

As they waited in the queue, Athena gazed up to the sky, trying not to get sucked into the conversation going on between Bobby, Chimney, and Maddie, while Karen and Hen listened but did not participate. The sky was clear, and there was no hint of rain, which had been a concern given the recent abrupt showers. However, the event had set up a canopy along the queue to ensure that all visitors were protected in case it started again. As she stood there, she observed something she would have missed if she hadn't been looking: the community around the gallery had a whole new vibe, full of energy, joy, and perseverance, as she saw the signs of rebuilding and repairs around the region. She knew that many had lost so much the day the tsunami hit, but it appeared that they had begun to rebuild. Something that appeared impossible at the time.

Looking back at the group, she noticed two large spaces: Eddie and Buck. Sadly, she had no idea where her Buckaroo was and knew she couldn't hunt him down; she needed to accept that he needed space and would return to her when he was ready. Not before. Eddie, on the other hand, had offered to watch all the younger children who were either too little to attend or did not want to go. It made things easier for everyone, and the boys were quite excited about their sleepover at Christopher's place. 

She had seen Harry's conversation with Denny and Christopher and realised that they were going to play video games all night and eat as much pizza as they could, or as much as Eddie would allow. She had packed Harry's overnight bag for him because he had been 'too busy' with his game to concentrate on what he needed to bring. She had added a few snacks to the bag and given Harry $10 to present to Eddie to help cover all the pizzas. 

When she dropped Harry off, she hardly had a chance to speak with Eddie, who appeared to want to avoid them as much as possible. She knew Eddie had simply offered to take the boys so he could excuse himself for not going out with them. If she was honest with herself, she had seen Eddie's mental state had started to deteriorate after they had learned about Buck leaving them. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but the darker circles beneath his eyes and pale skin told her that he was struggling.

However, everything came to a head when she received a bizarre text from Eddie that made no sense. She had gone around because something inside her told her Eddie was struggling and needed someone to support him. Something she failed to do with Buck. When she had gotten to Eddie's place, the scene in front of her broke her heart. Eddie was on the floor in Christopher's room, crying and barely responding. Eddie had been putting Christopher's clothing away when he discovered Buck's letter to him. She refrained from reading the letter, despite her strong want to. Instead, she folded it in the same way Eddie had found it and gently placed it on the unit next to them before bringing Eddie into her arms while he sobbed.

That day, she knew Eddie had recognised how badly he had messed up with his best friend. She just held him while he cried and cried till, he stopped, only to discover that he had fallen asleep in her arms.  As she gazed down at Eddie's tear-stained face, she realised he had finally broken. All his previously suppressed feelings had suddenly surfaced. She just watched Eddie sleep for a few minutes shaking her head mainly at herself, she had failed Eddie by failing to recognise how much he was hurting.

She had failed to shield Buck (for which she would always blame herself) from all the harm that happened to him. Hell, she'd taken a step back, believing that Buck and Bobby's fight was theirs to handle. But now that she knew that she had failed Buck so badly, she could understand if he wanted to cut off contact with her. She would not like it, but she would not force him to forgive her. She wasn't sure if she could forgive herself. But right then, with Eddie in her lap, she determined not to fail Eddie like she did Buck. She may not have had as strong a bond with Eddie as she did with Buck, but it didn't mean she didn't care.

When she realised Eddie was fast asleep, she texted Carla, Michael, and Abuela as she needed to get things into motion before Eddie woke up and built up his walls again. She was concerned that when Eddie awoke, he would rebuild his barriers to keep things normal for his son. That is what made him such an amazing father, even though he didn't see it. Being a single parent could be challenging. Looking back, she realised Michael must have felt very much like a single parent after she returned to work. Perhaps she had used her job as an escape from everything at home. Something she now regretted because she had missed so much. But for now, she needed to focus on Eddie, not herself.

She asked Michael to pick up Harry from school because she was supposed to, told him that she was currently dealing with something, and told him that she would update him as soon as she could. Michael replied 'okay' and volunteered to keep him for the night, dropping him off at school on his way to work. Thankfully Michael didn't press for more information, instead, she thanked him for it and promised to explain later.

She then contacted Carla. Carla had the day off because Eddie was not working, but Eddie was unfit to care for Christopher now. Eddie needed to deal with these emotions before they destroyed him, and if he had to care for his son, he would simply bury them back down and not confront them. Athena had just asked her if she didn't have any plans to pick up Christopher from school and keep him for a few hours while she figured out what they were going to do only saying that something had come up so Eddie couldn’t pick him up. She understood Eddie needed time and possibly a good night's sleep before he could concentrate on his son.

Carla promptly responded, saying she had no plans and would be happy to pick up Christopher and take him to the park before heading to the nearby comic store. She then added something that made Athena smile, but Carla simply enquired whether Eddie had finally broken. Athena looked over the message and understood what Carla was saying. She wasn't the only one who noticed the fractures in Eddie's armour. Athena, on the other hand, doesn't want to betray Eddie's confidence by telling Carla the truth, even though Carla has always been a motherly figure to Eddie and Buck. However, Carla did explain that she couldn’t keep Chris overnight, but she would keep him until someone could pick him up.

That is why she texted Abuela as well. Eddie's grandmother possessed a formidable presence. Eddie needed his family, as did Christopher. She felt that Eddie would be upset with her for contacting his grandmother, but he needed her. Her text was rather straightforward; she simply stated that Eddie had been hurting and had finally cracked after seeing a letter from Buck. That he was barely hanging on and needed his family. Five minutes later, Abuela responded with a text message that simply stated that she would be talking to Pepa and would be over as soon as she could.

Athena knew they were most likely already on their way, and she was right. As she stroked Eddie's hair while he slept on his lap, she heard the front door open and then close as two individuals entered the house. Abuela soon entered the room, sighing softly and murmuring something in Spanish. She could see the pain in the elderly woman's face at the scene in front of her. Eddie's face appeared to be in pain even while sleeping.

However, Athena could tell Abuela wanted to speak with her but was scared to wake Eddie up from his much-needed sleep. So, with the help of Abuela, they carefully placed one of Christopher's pillows beneath Eddie's head and covered him with a blanket before allowing him to sleep peacefully. Then Athena, Abuela, and Pepa convened in the living room, trying to figure out what they could do to help Eddie without appearing to be overstepping but still providing enough support, so he didn't feel alone.  

Pepa had also volunteered to take Christopher for the night, and when it appeared like Eddie would not be waking up by 8 p.m., she went to pick him up from Carla's place, asking them to keep her posted on what was going on with her extremely stubborn nephew. Athena hastily texted May, informing her that she was going to be late and that she could go to her father's home because Harry was there.

However, she remembered May telling her that she was having a sleepover at a friend's house that night but felt compelled to inform her daughter that if anything happened like it was cancelled she knew where to go.

Eddie dragged himself out into the living room an hour after Pepa had left, looking just as shattered as he had when she found him, but this time he was not crying. However, Athena noticed that Eddie appeared to be on the verge of breaking down again. Eddie didn't ask why his Abuela was here; instead, he sat silently on the couch next to them. They sat in silence for a few minutes while Abuela caressed Eddie's back until Eddie finally broke down and clarified that he was struggling and didn't know how to fix it.

Athena knew that simply expressing that was difficult for Eddie; the man had always kept his feelings hidden unless it was related to Christopher or Buck. But it seems like Buck's goodbye to Christopher had been the final blow that broke the dam that was keeping all of the pain back. She refrained from telling Eddie that he needed help, allowing Abuela to speak instead. She simply told him that he needed support to deal with what had happened, both with Sharron and the war. She could see the pain in his eyes and was now putting her foot down, saying that he had attempted to handle everything on his own but that now was the time to get help.

After an hour of calm discussion, Athena left Eddie in the capable hands of his grandmother. Eddie had agreed to return to therapy and had even contacted the VA hospital to schedule an appointment with one of the counsellors for the following day. Eddie had tried to convince Abuela that it would be better for her to return home for some rest, but Abuela refused to leave him. She additionally informed him that she and Pepa would be more involved in Christopher's care till he healed. As she left, Athena asked Abuela to keep her updated on Eddie and told Eddie that she would not tell Bobby anything if he reported to the department that he needed help. She even suggested that he take some time off till he felt better, but Eddie insisted on going to work to keep himself busy. However, he promised to take a step back and not take on any additional shifts as he had been doing. She continued to receive reports from Abuela and Carla on Eddie's condition, which, as far as she knew, was improving.

Athena was jolted out of her daydream when she heard May's laughing, May was grinning like a child on Christmas and realised they had gotten very close to the front door. She couldn't believe they were here to see work by a famous artist who was contributing a large sum of money to help the recovery after the tsunami. She'd never heard of the artist before, but she was willing to give them a go as they had been willing to donate so much money to help those affected by the tsunami.

She had been on shift and was in the morning briefing when her Captain arrived and informed them that the department had been invited to the opening of a gallery by an artist who was raising funds for those affected by the tsunami. And if they wanted to go view the work, they could, but she did have a list of persons named by whoever was organising the show since they had personally been involved in the rescue and aftermath. Athena's name was included on that list.

As the day progressed, she received a text from Hen informing her that the LAFD had been invited to the gallery's opening night. Which was hardly surprising given that the 136 had been on the pier when the tsunami hit. However, when she learnt about this, she wasn't sure whether to go because she didn't know if the department would allow Bobby to go given that he was still suspended. But Hen immediately dispelled any anxieties, stating that Bobby had been invited but was under strike instructions not to push his luck with them by causing any difficulties.

The LAFD and PD were not the only ones who had been invited. Any organisations involved in the rescue and recovery efforts were invited. From the Coast Guard to the hospital employees. They were all invited, and if they couldn't make it to the opening day, they were welcome to visit any time throughout the week the collection was on display before moving on to the next gallery.

After that day, she wanted to learn as much as she could about this E.C.G. but discovered very little. She had asked Michael whether he had heard about him giving his job, and Michael went on to compliment the artist. It came out that this wasn't the only show the artist had staged to generate funds for others. Michael had told her that according to the accounts he had heard, the artist never kept any of the proceeds from these sales for themselves. Sure, they made money from the copies and royalties that came with their work, but they focused on exhibiting them and generating money for a worthy purpose.

As they approached the front door, Athena noticed something about the community surrounding the gallery. It was then that she remembered seeing the devastation left by the wave in the community and believing there was no hope for recovery. But it did. The community had rebounded back. Water had entirely damaged the community centre, which had served as the gallery. However, because of an anonymous donor, they were able to rebuild, and with the showing, they would be able to begin helping those who remained in the neighbourhood right away.

Hearing May laugh once more drew her back into the group. Athena observed that May had not stopped smiling since they entered the queue. She knew her daughter was happy to be here, but she didn't quite grasp why. Normally, it was a hassle to get her children to do anything like this, so why was she so thrilled to be waiting in queue for an art show? But happily, she didn't have to ask her directly; she had others to do so.

"I can't wait for this," May said, as they approached the door. Never in a million years did she expect her daughter, who she had no idea was like art, to be that delighted unless it was about shopping, a movie, or something life-changing.

"Why?" Hen asked, her friend must have noticed the joy on May's face.

May turned to gaze at them and began explaining, "Because E.C.G hasn't shown a new collection in years."

"Really?" Athena enquired, perplexed. From what she could find when investigating the artists, it was difficult to find any background information on them because no one knew their names. They just went by their initials. She found their website and saw the beautiful artwork. She had noticed how talented the artist was, so why would they leave such a long time between shows when they were making so much money? What happened to induce them to come to a stop? Or did they simply get bored and desire to try something new?

"Their last show was in New York to raise money for first responders that were suffering from conditions related to the job as well as those who have been struggling after 9/11 and at-risk kids in the city," May explained, and it appeared to Athena that she was recalling a memory or something similar because she spoke swiftly. "The paintings looked stunning and sold for millions. Everyone raved about how successful it was. Celebrities and movie legends all wanted to be there when it opened. It was like the Oscars from the photos that were published."

"You a fan May?" Karen asked with a chuckle. Athena couldn't help but agree with her statement; anyone who heard May talk about this unknown artist would think she was their biggest admirer.

"Sure, their work is amazing," May began to say before turning to see if the queue had moved, but it hadn't, so she returned to them. "The way they write about their work only heightens what you see in the paintings. They are also much respected in the community. Look at this queue, and I've heard that they'll have to hire security when it's eventually open to the public."

As May proceeded to gush about this artist, Athena found herself zoning out again. Hearing her daughter speak so passionately about the artist made her heart hurt a little. How could she have not realised her daughter was a fan of this E.C.G? Had she been so absent from her children's lives that she didn't know what they were up to? She felt like an outsider watching May talk to Hen and Karen, while Michael and David were unsurprised by her curiosity and knowledge.

It was as if she had taken three steps back from her children's lives recently. She realised the tension between her and Bobby wasn't healthy, and she sought to keep her children out of the fallout from the matter by keeping them away from it. But then again, Buck had effectively become their older brother and his sudden disappearance from their lives had hurt them. At that moment, she swore to herself that nothing would ever come between her children and her again.

"They did invite quite a few departments May, and it isn't just the LAPD and FD here tonight," Athena responded to May's opinion about the line. However, she understood that there was more to the simple offer, namely that this artist wished to reward people who had given their all to assist those in need that day.

But before May could respond, Chimney shattered the stillness. "It was only right; we saved the city, not some artist I'd never heard of," Chimney said, his voice full of entitlement recently. Athena couldn't help but grind her teeth to keep from saying anything and judging by May's expression, she was doing the same. And, judging by the looks on other people's faces, they weren't alone.

"Chimney enough," Bobby mumbled, staring at Chimney as if trying to keep him silent.

"What?" Chimney said, startled that he was being punished for his remark. "I'm just saying…" He added, shaking his head as if he were being chastised for simply expressing the truth.

"Not tonight; keep your comments to yourself. The brass will be here, and we do not want any additional eyes on us." Bobby explained, nodding his head into the building.

"Fine," Chimney said fiercely as if he were superior to everyone else, and Athena had a feeling Chimney wasn't going to shut up tonight. She could only hope she didn't bring the rest of them into his mess. She also knew she'd have to keep May away from him because she knew her daughter wasn't hesitant to express her opinions.

May scoffed and said, "Actually, I read somewhere that E.C.G. was caught up in the tsunami." And Athena felt her body freeze at that comment. She had no idea this artist had been involved in the tsunami, but it explained why they had begun this new collection. "It's what inspected this new collection, and they wanted to donate all of the proceeds to local charity and support people affected. As well as assisting with medical expenditures or repairs that insurance companies would not cover for any reason." May then be added.

"Really?" "David asked.

May grinned and said, "Yeah, they always donate money for charities at their shows. They don't keep the money; instead, they choose to spend it helping others."

Athena knew she was telling the truth because on E.C.G's website, under the paintings she had clicked on, it said how much the artwork sold for and which charity received the money. One of her favourite pieces was a painting called 'The Mirror' from their New York collection. It was a lovely yet gloomy painting. She imagined traffic lights reflecting through a window in the rain. The gold and red paint are breaking through the darkness.

She adored it, but a part of her suspected that the artist must have been in a bad mood at the time the picture was created. Perhaps that was one of the reasons they stopped painting. When she looked at the painting, she saw that it had sold for roughly $3 million to a private collector, but the whole proceeds had gone to pay for treatment for first responders who had been diagnosed with cancer and other related conditions as a result of working the pile after 9/11.

"No way he or she would do it! That's only for publicity, making people love them." Chimney argued, shaking his head.

"They do…" May argued back, giving Chimney a deadly look that Athena was rather proud of because it was extremely similar to the one, she gave others. "They always list all of the charities he donates to at the door and on their website. The majority of the charity will also thank them on social media"

"Wow, that's a lot of charity work," Karen said as the queue moved forward and she noticed the sign May was talking about. The sigh mentioned eleven charities that would benefit from the sale of the artwork inside.

"They can afford it; their net worth is comparable to The Rock and Jami Gertz," May replied, shrugging her shoulders as if it were usual.

Athena had no idea what those celebrities' net worth was but based on how much some of the work sold for, she suspected it was very high. This would make sense given their accomplishments. But, given the financial market, could the artist be so successful despite taking a long sabbatical from painting?

"Really for paintings?" Chimney questioned almost mockingly, but Athena could hear the astonishment in his voice that he was attempting to conceal. "It's just painted on some canvas, there is no way someone would waste money on someone who I have never heard of."

Athena almost scoffed out loud at Chimney's comment; did he think that if he hadn't heard of someone, they weren't successful? She tried to recall what Chimney was like or how Hen had described him before he had met and started dating Maddie but since he met and began dating Maddie, he had become quite self-absorbed and believed that he had the right to express his opinion even when it wasn't welcomed.

"Chimney enough," Bobby murmured. "There are too many eyes on us already and I can see three other houses already here so don't push it." He warned.

That prompted Athena to turn to face them more directly; when she looked down the line, she noticed a few other firefighters with their families, as well as a captain glaring daggers at them. More than likely, he had already overheard some of Chimney's remarks.

"Ok fine sure…" Chimney said, then turned away from them and mumbled something to Maddie, who nodded, murmured something, and shook her head at them. It looked as if she was simply praising him for his foolish remarks.

"Why is he even here if he just going to complain?" May whispered to her father as they approached the doors.

"Just ignore them," Michael replied, pushing May forward so she would be the first to enter.

"Fine," May said, rolling her eyes. Athena always scolded her off when she did anything like that or back-answered an adult, but this time she wasn't going to let her off primarily because she agreed with her. No one spoke again as they passed through the gallery doors and onto the corridor leading to the main hall, where the gallery was housed.

As they walked down the corridor to the show, Athena saw that the walls were freshly painted cream, yet they were adorned with children's drawings and paintings, indicating that this was a place for the community to enjoy. However, as they approached the doors to the exhibition hall, Athena saw that the queue had come to a halt at a table with many collection buckets for individuals who wanted to donate even a small amount of money. Athena quickly brought out her purse and handed May $20 to place in one of the containers. She also witnessed Hen and Michael do the same.

Just inside the doors, four waiters greeted people as they came, offering drinks and what appeared to be locally produced cuisine. However, something caught her eye before they entered the room. A tall clear glass panel in the centre of the room lights up to display a list of names. 'To those we lost but will never forget' was written across the top. Athena recognised the names on the list as those who had died as a result of the tsunami and its aftermath.

Seeing the names made everything feel more real, she had never seen so many names before. But to be fair, she had never really looked. Sure, she had checked on her fellow police and the LAFD, but that was all. She felt awful since all of those people's families had lost someone important. But she couldn't make herself look up the names, maybe it was so it wouldn't hurt her seeing how many people had been killed or maybe she was a little selfish knowing that for some reason Buck and Christopher had been saved. She didn't know, nor did she want to find out.

As they entered the room, they were greeted by chatter and pleasant music played by a small orchestra from the local school near the door while other guests moved freely around each display. Athena found herself walking close to May, in case she needed her.

"No drinking, May," Athena exclaimed as she saw May pick up a glass presented to her by a young woman but was certainly old enough to drink based on the bar stamp left on her right palm. The fact that the woman had offered her daughter one irritated her, but what irritated her the most was that Michael simply stood there as his underage daughter drank in front of them, surrounded by police captains and officers.

"They are non-alcoholic, Ma'am," the girl responded with a smile as she noted Athena's reluctance and concern before offering her a glass as well.

"Oh," Athena replied, surprised; why would they serve non-alcoholic beverages at such an event? She didn't say much as she took the girl's glass, but she did thank her before they continued into the room. Everyone but Bobby took a glass; she knew that he wanted to avoid recurrence.

He wouldn't drink non-alcoholic drinks if he could help it, but recently and especially after the bombing, she caught him gazing at the wine rake at home or, if they were out, glancing at the bar like he wanted to order one. She was concerned that he might relapse due to the pressures of the department, the lawsuits, and Buck. However, if she was honest with herself, she understood that if he did lapse, it was not her fault. It was his own.

"I heard somewhere that they never provide alcohol at any of their shows and never have. It's always an alcohol-free event," Michael added, falling to her side and watching David and May discuss one of the pieces. They had intended to stick together, but it appeared that her husband preferred to stand with Maddie and Chimney, presumably to keep an eye on him. "It said that they had friends who suffered from addiction so wanted all their shows to be free from alcohol-free, so it was welcoming to everyone." Michael then added.

"I don't understand why they would want to host it here," Maddie said, glancing around. As Athena followed her, she recognised some notable names. The mayor and his family were here speaking with one of the PD Captains, as were other well-known businessmen and women, along with their families. They had all done a lot for the affected areas, donating thousands of dollars to cover construction costs, medical bills, and cleanup. They had been invited to this event because of their work with the communities, but they had received nothing in return.

"Surely we deserve a more upscale place for this, defiantly if he or she is apparently this loaded," Maddie remarked, shaking her head.

Athena desperately wanted to tell Maddie to leave or, if she didn't, to keep her words to herself. This gallery was created not only to recognise them for their work but also to benefit the community. She had heard someone suggest that the artist had helped pay for some of the community centre's repairs, which was one of the reasons they had hosted it there. The fact that someone with so much money was ready to help others spoke volumes about the artist's character. And Maddie had no right to judge them.

"I read that they love to support the local community, that's why they like having their shows in smaller galleries over big names ones, helps them collect more donations and publicity," Karen spoke as she and Hen glanced at a large canvas to their right.

Athena stared at the canvas and realised why they were so interested in it: it was a giant square canvas with paint mixed with what appeared to be sand and broken shells mixed into the green, blue, grey, and white paint. The piece resembled a wave slamming into a sand bank. It looked beautiful yet the way the paint was applied to the canvas was almost brutal. As if the wave had pounded the beach again. She then saw the small label hanging to the right of the painting, which said 'The Wave'. She had been correct. This picture conveyed the gravity of the situation without being overly harsh.

Maddie's words drew Athena back into the room, but she wished it hadn't; that lady was getting on her last nerve. "I'm just saying, they would make so much more money if he did, think of the press he would get." She scoffs as if it's a known fact. "It would also show us all that he respects us more." She then mentioned gazing around the hall.

"Maddie, that is enough," Athena said quietly, trying not to draw attention to them. They had planned to walk around together, but right now she wanted to spend the night with her friend and her wife, her daughter, and her ex and his partner while leaving her husband with the two morons. 

"Come on guys, let's look around," David remarked, clearly sensing the tension amongst everyone, and Athena knew that the glances Maddie was getting from everyone just meant that they all agreed with her. May's expression was like a storm; she looked so enraged at Maddie that it would only take something minor for her to burst at them. Something she did not want just now, especially with everyone around. 

Athena elected not to comment again, instead following David, Michael, and May as they began walking through all the displays, looking at the work with Karen and Hen. Bobby was left to deal with Maddie and Chimney because they were pushing their luck, but when Athena looked back, she discovered they were following them but kept their distance.

May looked like a kid in a candy shop as she examined all the pieces, and Athena knew why. The collection included twenty-one pieces from E.C.G., as well as artwork from local artists who wanted to help in any way they could to earn money for their community. However, gazing at E.C.G.'s art was on a different level; each piece conveyed a narrative.

Athena couldn't help but feel the emotions in every piece. It was as if the artist was speaking to them through their artwork. However, when they looked over several of the pieces, Athena discovered that the underlying subject was not grief or agony, as she had anticipated. Instead, they all shared one thing in common: a beam of light that appeared somewhere on each canvas. Some were little, while others were the centrepiece of the creation. However, as she peered closer at the one, they were currently seeing, she discovered something inside the light.

A seabird.

Each ray of light revealed a free seabird flying over the darkness in some fashion. It was as if the sea bird represented the ray of hope that many people sought that day. Like when the rescue arrived or when they discovered another survivor. They really needed hope that day, and when it arrived, they clung to it. No matter how small it was.

"Wow, this one is beautiful," May commented, pointing to the painting.

The canvas they were standing in front of was a long, thin canvas with what appeared to be a thick strong red rope connecting people of all races together as the waves surrounded them. It was powerful, but it also demonstrated the strength that emerged from the community immediately following the wave. The fact that the entire city of Los Angeles had banded together to support one another and assist those in need spoke volumes to the residents.

"It is," Michael responded, taking a sip of his drink and gazing at the painting.

"I'm glad you like it," A new voice made them all jump a little, and Athena mentally scolded herself for being caught off guard. Athena turned to see an elderly man standing next to her wearing an olive-green suit, a crisp white shirt, a burgundy lie, and brown leather shoes. The man certainly had money, but something about him suggested that he knew more than he would admit. He had dark brown glasses that draped around his neck on a chain, and he wore a soft smile with a twinkle in his eyes.

"This is the artist's favourite and the main piece in the collection," the man explained, turning to the painting in front of them. The man had a strong English accent, but she could tell he had lived in the United States for a while since he had picked up a little bit of his accent.

"Is it?" May enquired excitedly.

"Yes…" The man smiled and pointed to the artwork, saying, "It has already been sold to a prominent businessman, but he has agreed to let it continue on tour with the rest of the collection before it is delivered to him." He then added.

"That is very kind of him Mr…?" Athena enquired, wanting to learn more about what the man knew while also seeking a name that matched the face.

"Sanderford Ma'am," Mr Sanderford said, nodding to her and bowing slightly before returning his gaze to May as if she hadn't spoken. "The sale of this piece will help pay for a new top-of-the-range tsunami defence system that will be placed along the coastline to help detect a wave giving those in the effective area enough time to evaluate to safety." Mr. Sanderford explained.

"Really?" David enquired, astonished, and she did not blame him.

Athena was aware that the city had been attempting to raise funds to upgrade the coastal defence system to prevent a calamity like this from occurring again. Sure, they couldn't stop the wave from striking the city; no one could, but they could try to reduce the number of casualties. Having an evacuation strategy in place and ensuring that everyone understands it. However, collecting the cash for all of this had been difficult; for some reason, the city council and the state had been attempting to gather the funds, but it was taking a long time. And, now, the last thing on the list was strengthening the sea defences, followed by trying to preserve lives, providing further training for emergency responders, and paying for rebuilding.

The fact that this artist was willing to sell one of their paintings to pay for a new defence system while not expecting anything in return spoke volumes. She was aware of other renowned people donating to the cleanup, repairs, and enhancements, but nothing like this. The system Mr Sanderford was talking about must have cost millions, if not billions, which in turn implied that the picture was sold for that much.

"Yes," Mr Sanderford answered, nodding his head before adding, "it's an updated version of the technology employed within the geologically active 'ring of fire' that has only recently hit the market. The system that is being used now has to be updated, which is a slow and expensive task, which is why it is taking so long to update the outdated systems currently in use." Mr. Sanderford explained. "The sale of the painting is enough to pay for the technology, its instalment and to maintain it for a few years before its care is taken over by the Coast Guard." He then remarked, indicating towards a Captain who was standing and chatting to someone.

Athena followed his eyes and noted that the man was a Captain in the Coast Guard based on his uniform. She felt awful for the Coast Guard employees since she knew many of them were still searching for the bodies of individuals who had tragically died during the wave. She discovered that after a tsunami hits the coast, the water recedes and drags everything back out to sea.  Unfortunately, this was what occurred to many of the individuals who were killed by the wave. The Coast Guard had not called off the search entirely, and they had frequently gone out to look for debris that had been reported to them in the hopes of finding a body. She felt it odd that they were still searching when many of the other searches had been called off but from what she had heard, many of the searches had been completed voluntarily. While they had been able to return three people to their families because of these efforts, it became increasingly evident that they would not be able to locate all of the missing individuals. However, this did not deter them from trying.

"How do you know all that?" May asked.

Athena was also interested since she was confident that the facts Mr Sanderford knew were not public knowledge. It was strange how someone knew so much about the painting's sale and how the proceeds would be used unless he knew what the money would be used for ahead of time.

She had also wanted to keep Mr Sanderford talking, not only because she was interested in this artist, but also because Bobby, Chimney, and Maddie had been murmuring comments during the conversation. She gave them a couple of devil glances anytime Chimney raised his voice during one of his remarks. She had tried to tune them out and focus on what Mr Sanderford had to say, but she couldn't help but hear nasty comments about how foolish a picture looked or why someone would donate so much money when there were better things to do with it. She couldn't help but roll her eyes at that comment and bite her tongue.

She didn't want to cause any problems for the 118 (they had already enough to worry about), especially if Mr Sanderford had a good relationship with the Chiefs.

"My dear, I have worked for E.C.G from the very beginning." Mr Sanderford responded with a warm grin and a slight chuckle and Athena's heart stopped a little. If Mr Sanderford was this well-connected, he could report anything he overheard to the department, and with everything going on, Bobby and Chimney could pay the price for their stupidity.

"We meet in passing…" Mr Sanderford went on, and as Athena looked at her daughter, she realised that May had heard of this man already but had only now clicked where she knew his name. "...and has been the best client I've ever worked for. We've become good friends since, and when they informed me about this idea, I was determined to make it run as smoothly as possible and achieve our goal." He went on to say how proud he was of the entire idea and how far he had come.

"I read about you in an article about E.C.G.; you were planning to retire, but after one meeting, they convinced you to work with them. Is this true?" May enquired excitedly, as if she intended to ask as many questions as possible with someone who knew the artist well.

Athena watched as Mr Sanderford smiled warmly at her daughter; the man had not had much opportunity to discuss his relationship with the mystery artist and was delighted to be able to do so openly with them. "That is true, young lady. I had travelled the world with artists and was preparing to settle down simply because I found the job exhausting at times. And as I was getting older, I was unable to travel as much as some of my clients would like. I used to manage around twelve artists at once and couldn't work as closely as I wanted to with them all. This is mostly due to them being spread worldwide. And had informed them all that I would be reducing my involvement and delegating them to other agents as I was thinking about retiring, but then I met E.C.G." Mr. Sanderford explained.

Athena noted a sweet, soft smile on the elderly man's face as he recalled the events. The man obviously cared about the artist in ways that he had never seen in any of his other clientele. She recalls seeing some of the abuse that agents received from their clients while working and knew that this was far from the case with their friendship.

"Meeting E.C.G transformed my entire attitude on the job. They were friendly, and understanding, and wanted to know what I thought of their ideas. They are the most down-to-earth client I've ever had." Mr. Sanderford explained, shaking his head slightly as if he was recalling something more but not expressing it. "Also, their work is the best I've seen. Very few artists have such powerful meaning behind their work, and they communicate through it. It's pure emotion. Something I haven't seen in many artists these days." He explained.

"What do you mean?" Athena enquired, perplexed. Sure, she was aware that many artists communicate through their art, expressing their emotions through brush strokes but she didn't understand what Mr Sanderford was on about.

Mr Sanderford smiled at her and lifted his index finger, motioning for them to follow up, before saying, "Follow me."

And they followed him. As they walked among the canvases, Athena saw that many of them appeared to depict each aspect of the wave and its aftermath, albeit in an abstract fashion. She was certain that one of the pieces they passed depicted the crowded VA hospital, which was centred on a large red H. It was lovely; blackness around the square canvas, which became lighter as the paint swelled towards the centre, where the letter H was. She couldn't see the entire piece because there were a few people in front of it, but it was amazing.

She noticed that one of the individuals standing in front of it was someone she knew. He looked slightly different in his Army dress uniform, but she recognised the face. He was the ED department Chief; she had encountered him several times in the ED, both on and off duty. He was a handsome man in his forties, and the man next to him was the chief of the cardiovascular department at the hospital. During one of their dinners, she learnt from David that the new Cardiac Chief was married to the ED Chief, and he expressed his delight at seeing another man of colour and an openly homosexual man rise to the rank of chief. She could tell they were discussing the piece with another man, and how pleased and proud they were to be included in the collection.

"You need to be seen talking to some of these people, Chim; the brass will think you're very well connected," Maddie muttered as they followed them.

When Athena heard Maddie's comment, her fury flared up again, and she wanted to turn around and tell her that her dumb notion would never work and that this wasn't the place for her ideas. This was a memorial gathering to remember those who had died while also raising funds to assist those in need. Do not try to show off to the brass. But at the same time, she spotted Michael giving her a look; he had clearly heard the comment and was quietly urging her not to ruin the moment for their daughter.

May was enjoying herself, as she was already ahead of them, talking to Mr Sanderford as they proceeded through the show to whichever piece the man wanted to show them. She knew she'd have to bring this up with Bobby later, mostly since she didn't appreciate how he didn't stop or reprimand her while standing right next to them.

Mr Sanderford finally got to the painting he wanted to show them, and as he turned to wait for everyone to get to him before speaking, Athena noticed that he was keeping a close eye on Maddie and Chimney. He seemed to know they were the problem and didn't care what he had to say, but he was too courteous to wait for them.

They gathered around a long rectangular painting that didn't appear abstract, and it wasn't. Instead, the painting depicted something she could only describe as peace. "This one, for example," Mr Sanderford began to explain, glancing up at the painting, "is simply a bright white seabird lighting up the grey sky. Like a bird vandalising the darkness as it hovers above it."

And when Athena looked at the piece, she saw what Mr Sanderford was talking about. The piece was greyscale in colour, with dazzling light and an almost golden glow surrounding a clean white sea bird. The bird was a beacon of light. She remembered looking out at the devastation left by the wave and the long list of missing people that continued to grow even after a week and praying that they wouldn't have to move those names to the deceased list, which appeared to be growing even faster than the missing list. All they sought was a little hope.

"During the tsunami, E.C.G. noticed that even with all the pain and suffering, there were little slithers of light and hope that appeared within the darkness." Mr Sanderford proceeded to explain. "The sea bird was one of the few ways to explain that feeling, to see hope when you are surrounded by a darkness that doesn't seem to end."

Athena became lost staring at the seabird; the detail made it appear as if the bird was about to flap its wings and fly out of the canvas and into the sky. Hope was a tremendous force; she had witnessed what those with hope could accomplish and how contagious it might be. She had been proud of what they had done that day, and while she had been afraid for herself and those she loved, she had hope that they would be able to overcome whatever obstacle they faced. It was the same mindset that she and Michael instilled in their two children.

"They also wanted to show that even though the suffering and pain was caused by nature, mother nature isn't only a source of pain but also light." Mr Sanderford continued, smiling at her. He must have noticed her get lost in her own thoughts.

"Wow," she heard May mutter as they proceeded to examine the artwork.

Karen whispered gently, "That's beautiful," and Athena noticed as she slipped one of her arms around Hen's waist. She had not considered what the families of the first responders felt when they heard what had happened and knowing that their loved ones were somewhere out there in the chaos must have been scary.

"It's why they started the collection." Mr Sanderford nodded in agreement as they spoke, "They wanted an outlet to deal with their emotions and what they saw that day, but they also understood that they weren't the only ones dealing with the trauma of what happened that day."

Athena recognised the statement as well; she had witnessed a couple of officers break. Many had gone to help in whatever manner they could when the reports of the disasters came in, only to return broken. And she realised that the LAPD weren't the only ones that had to support their employees. Bobby had told her one night that the Chiefs had offered therapy to anyone who needed it, that two stations had closed due to so many firefighters being affected by the aftermath, and that station 136 had closed due to so many of the crew being hurt because they had been on the pier when the wave hit. What irritated her that night was Bobby's remark that he didn't understand why they needed therapy when they were OK and that they should only seek help if they were new to the work or had demonstrated concerns.

Bobby thought that therapy was only for when things went bad or if they wanted it, but she had been seeing a therapist off and on for years, and after the tsunami she had scheduled a week's worth of appointments, and she wasn't alone. Hen had openly disclosed to her one night when they were out for a girly drink that she and Karen had resumed their sessions but hadn't told anyone at the station. When questioned why, Hen frankly acknowledged that she was worried about what Bobby and Chimney might say. Eddie, not so much because he usually stayed to himself, but with the others, she didn't want to cause any problems by admitting she was talking to someone.

"This collection was their way of trying to help those who needed it." Mr Sanderford smiled as he displayed the space and all the artwork. "This whole collection is being sold to help raise funds for those charities who are helping those affected whether that be for medical bills, repairs to their homes or business or technology to make sure that if this ever happened again, we could lower the risk to human life." He added.

"They also wanted to aid local artists who had been affected by the disaster and offered the opportunity to exhibit their work as well. Those pieces will be included in this tour, and if sold, all proceeds will benefit the artist or a charity of their choice. If they don't sell, they'll be donated to the community centre." Mr Sanderford explained, pointing to a few pieces visible from where they stood. 

Athena then realised she hadn't recognised the pieces were by other artists until she looked more closely at them. They appeared to match so well with E.C.G's work that she hadn't noticed the obvious change in style.

"It was similar to why they wanted the first day to be reserved for first responders and people who raise money, donate it or assist with the aftermath for a more private viewing. It will be completely open to the public tomorrow." Mr. Sanderford explained.

That was why she had noticed a few businessmen and women there with their families; she knew many of them had donated money and goods to assist with the rebuilding, and this was their way of saying thank you. 

"That is very generous for them," Karen replied.

"They wanted to thank those personally in some way and this was the only way they could think of. It also allowed us to raise money to help, even the smallest amount, to go towards the recovery, " Mr Sanderford explained. "They understand that being thanked isn't something emergency services is used to getting so they wanted to show how much you are all appreciated." He added with a smile, but there was something strange about that smile. It wasn't as full as his other ones.

"That's true," Hen said, chuckling and Athena knew that the police got most of the abuse however sadly they weren't the only ones, nowadays they were all at risk of getting attacked. People seem to always despise the police, regardless of what was happening, whether they wanted the police, but they weren't doing what they wanted or didn't want them but were forced to deal with them. The press also enjoyed dragging them through the mud over little issues and blaming them for everything. 

"And we should be, our job is far more important than anything else," Chimney scoffed. It was amusing to see him roll his eyes and shake his head at the idea that this demonstration was sufficient.

"Chimney enough," Bobby warned, his face flushing as he saw Mr Sanderford standing in front of them. Athena was also aware that Bobby was concerned that they would be in direct touch with the Chiefs, and that he was still under investigation, so he was on thin ice.

"Chimney's right, Bobby," Maddie angrily, rolling her eyes. "You all need more recognition." She stated as she stroked Chimney's arm as if she wasn't actually referring to them all but rather to him. "Your job is so important that you ought to be recognised for it. I don't see why you haven't sought a higher salary; you have more responsibilities, so you deserve it," Maddie grumbled.

Money. That was the problem, Athena recognised. She had always disliked Maddie, believing she loved the status that came with her job, and from what she had seen when they were together, she liked to brag about the expensive presents Chimney had purchased her or what their plans were for their new home.

"If you got me that Lieutenant job that we talked about Cap, it would help us get a better place than the one we have now," Chimney commented.

"It's not that straightforward; it isn't my decision to promote someone. The department has the final say," Bobby remarked, but Athena could sense the tension in her husband's voice. Clearly, he had promised Chimney something before Buck had left and his suspension.

"You will be getting that promotion, no one does the job better," Maddie said to Chimney, kissing his cheek as if he was the best firefighter in the world and deserved to be promoted like it was a done deal. 

Athena couldn't help but roll her eyes at that comment; Chimney had been at the station the longest with Hen, but it didn't imply he deserved a promotion. She also understood that Maddie only wanted him to get promoted so she could show him off. She could tell that many of the others were thinking the same thing. She noticed May's face had turned crimson red.

"I can think of one," May said, rolling her eyes, and Michael hastily dragged her away from them so she couldn't add to her comment, trying to avoid a full-fledged confrontation in front of everyone.

"Mr Sanderford, it says here that the artist took a long leave of absence, was handling the aftermath the reason why they started painting again?" To salvage the evening, David attempted to redirect the conversation back to the artwork and the artists. Athena then noticed the booklet in David's hand and concluded that it must contain information about the artists, and from where she stood next to Hen, she could see that it also contained information about all of the painters involved in the exhibition. Athena had entirely forgotten that Mr Sanderford had just witnessed Chimney and Maddie's entitlement, and all she could hope for was that he did not condemn them the same way they had.

Mr Sanderford turned away from Chimney and Maddie with disdain and looked at David, giving him a sympathetic smile in response to his query. "Yes," he said regretfully, and Athena could tell this was a very unpleasant matter for him. His friendship with E.C.G must have been quite close, and he was definitely pained alongside the artist. "Sadly, due to personal reasons they decided to take some time away but did give the go-ahead for their collection to continue to tour and be lent out to galleries from time to time." Mr. Sanderford explained.

"My counsellor said that it was because they were struggling with their mental health, is that right?" May enquired.

Athena felt her heart in her throat as May asked that question, was that where May first heard of the artist? During her own therapy sessions? She was so proud of May for continuing to attend therapy sessions when things got tough for her but hearing that May had connected with this artist because they admitted to struggling with their own mental health.

"You follow his work?" Mr. Sanderford enquired with a warm grin.

"Yer, I had a few issues a while ago, and my counsellor told me about them. She thought it was beneficial for me to see successful people who freely admitted to having mental health challenges. And they were very frank about the fact that they had taken a step back because of their mental health." May replied with a smile.

Athena finally understood why May admired and defended this artist so fervently. She had been introduced to their artist at a time when she must have felt quite lonely and broken. She understood why her counsellor had emphasised to her how often she had heard individuals say that when they suffer from mental illness, they feel like they would never be able to accomplish anything again. But seeing this well-known and famous artist must have served as a powerful reminder to her that things would improve and that it was okay to have terrible days as long as she addressed them right and controlled them in a healthy manner.

"Yes, E.C.G. has always been open about their mental health issues as they always wanted others to understand that it was ok to admit if they needed help." Mr Sanderford nodded, but Athena could see the hurt on his face. Whatever happened to the artist, she could tell Mr Sanderford was so close to them that he felt their grief.

"That is very admiral of them," David said, nodding, and Athena couldn't help but agree. Mental health was still considered taboo in some sectors, such as the emergency services, but things had improved. Cops, firefighters, and paramedics began to seek help when things became bad, but there was still a stigma that prevented individuals who merely wanted to help others from suffering in silence.

"That is who they are," Mr Sanderford stated cheerfully, and Athena knew he was correct. This artist, whoever they were, cared greatly about others yet did not want to be the face of anything, allowing those who were affected to be that face.

"Mr Sanderford…" A fresh voice appeared, and as they turned around, they observed one of the servicers had approached them with a pleasant grin. "We have someone interested in 'The Fire in Water' and would like to discuss it with you." He replied with a smile.

"Of course," Mr Sanderford said with a smile, brushing down his suit jacket as if to freshen it for his next conversation. "I hope you enjoy the collection," Mr Sanderford replied, smiling back at them, "and if you have any questions, please come and find me. Excuse me." He finished with a nod before following the server who had remained so that he could introduce him to the person who wanted to speak with him.

"Of course," Michael replied before Mr Sanderford went, "thank you for speaking to us." He said as Mr Sanderford nodded and left them.

As they were left alone, Athena was drawn closer to the painting. As they got closer, she noticed the faint brush strokes on the canvas, which were unlike anything they had seen before. It was as if simply painting the other canvases had eased most of the pain from whatever had occurred prior to and following the tsunami. However, with this piece, it appeared calmer. The brush strokes were relaxed, and the detail was incredible. It was then that she discovered the name on the canvas, 'Fly Hope'. And fitted the piece to a tee.

"This is beautiful," May murmured, standing next to her and leaning against her side, which Athena cherished. She raised her arm around May's shoulders and drew her closer. Their family still struggled with mental health issues, but they had grown stronger as a result of addressing them.

"It is, I see why you like how they work," David remarked, nodding in agreement and bringing Michael to his side.

Athena turned to face her family and smiled. Even after their divorce, Michael and her had agreed to be there for their children no matter what. And it was times like today that she was glad she had made the vow. Looking at May she found herself smiling, her little girl was nearly all grown up; she hated admitting it, but she was. She had matured into an incredible young woman with a full life ahead of her.

When Michael had told her he had started dating, she had been happy for him. Truly. When she first met David, she was a little concerned about their age gap, but she was grateful that she had taken the time to get to know him. The man was headstrong and stubborn, exactly the type of man her ex-husband needed. And the fact that he was also a doctor made her feel a little better, knowing that David would look after Michael if he ever needed help.

Karen and Hen remained by their sides, silently conversing before looking down at the pamphlet Karen was holding. She quietly wished she had spotted them and picked one up with them so she could learn more about the artist who had obviously touched her daughter so tremendously. She intended to ask David if she could borrow his or possibly find one before she left.

"I still think his desert collection is the best, but this is a close second," May remarked with a smile.

Athena filtered out the noise that was going on around them. Hearing her daughter discuss this artist and the fact that she has a favourite collection demonstrated not only how much her daughter enjoyed looking at this artist's work, but also how much she had grown to the point where she understood the emotions associated with each piece and how she could use the skills she had learnt in her own therapy to help herself if she ever felt those feelings. 

As she listened to May discuss the desert collection she loved and which one was her favourite, Athena almost forgot they were among others. Athena could almost picture the piece based on May's description. Both she and May enjoyed rich colours, and based on what she described, Athena knew she would agree with her that the desert collection would become her favourite. But, as much as she hoped she could continue listening to May, Chimney's voice interrupted her thoughts once more. She only heard the end of what he was saying, but it was enough.

"I'm just saying. It's painted on canvas. Anyone could do it. It doesn't even resemble anything." Chimney complained.

Athena couldn't help but turn and stare at him, shaking her head at the comment she'd just overheard. However, based on the angry look Hen was giving them, she could only assume what she hadn't heard, but she decided to ask about it later to find out what he had been saying. She couldn't believe that even after Bobby warned them that the top brass was present, they continued to spew his bullshit as if he were untouchable.

"Chimney," Bobby muttered, and Athena could see that her husband was much more broken now as if he was clinging to what little control he had.

However, before Chimney or Maddie could dispute, May's loud and angry voice responded, "One, the majority of their art is abstract with additional fine detail. Abstract art is not supposed to appear like anything, but rather to communicate via the colour, textures, and overall vibe of the painting. Two, while anyone can paint an abstract piece, it does not guarantee that it will be good, and only a few artists achieve success in this genre. And third, I'd like to see you try and be this successful."

Bobby gave Athena a stern look when May finished as if he expected her to scold her for voicing her thoughts. But she was not going to do that; what May said was right. Chimney shouldn't make those comments if he couldn't follow through on them. She remembered Hen telling her about his relationship with Tatiana and how he had openly lied to her about rescues he had never performed and claimed Bobby's food as his own. It had been a disaster from the start, and when he attempted to marry the woman, he had been lying to for months, things only got worse. Hell, he had gone and driven erratically, resulting in the collision that left him gravely injured and even then, he didn't see where he had gone wrong. It was everyone else’s fault. 

"Well, it's pretty stupid," Maddie scoffed, shaking her head as if she thought May's statements were little jabs at her beautiful life or something like that. However, Athena was prepared to defend her daughter if Maddie began to attack her. She would gladly go into full Mamma bear mode if she tried anything, "to expect people to pay so much for a piece of paint and fabric when you can just do it yourself. It does not take a genius to break up a brush." She complained. However, her voice sounded like a child who had been told off by their parents for the first time and was upset about it.

Trying to control her rage, she realised something, staring at the woman in front of her, who was so smug that she thought she had the upper hand, Maddie was simply a spoilt child who believed the world should revolve around her. She had dealt with far too many spoilt youngsters during her tenure in the LAPD, many of whom she was eager to arrest and toss in jail.

And right now, she wishes Maddie would simply give her an excuse to do it. She also had no idea how this witch was related to her Buckaroo; they were two quite different persons. Maddie was self-centred, dominating, and plainly believed she was right every time she opened her mouth, whereas Buckaroo was caring, loving, and overall, a decent person.

"I'd like to see you try Maddie," Karen murmured, shaking her head.

As much as Athena wanted to watch an argument because plainly things needed to be addressed, she didn't want to jeopardise all their employment and David's by generating a commotion at this event. The press was also present, as she noticed a cameraman shooting shots of people having fun; the man was currently photographing the police chiefs standing in front of the completed artwork to honour the PD personnel. She knew that it would look bad on all of them to be seen having an argument. It was also the fact that Bobby was still under investigation and for him to be caught in a spectacle would only hurt his case even more. But the way he was acting she would think that he didn't care.

"Ok, that's enough, everyone," Athena remarked, grabbing everyone's attention but mainly to prevent Maddie from snapping back. "Here is not the place for this, not with so many Chiefs and press here," Athena spoke, but she concentrated her remarks on Chimney, Maddie, and Bobby more than anyone else; nevertheless, she was also aware that she needed to ensure that May kept her fury under control for now. "If you cannot be civil then you need to leave." She ensured that the final sentence was apparent to everyone.

She kind of hoped Maddie and Chimney would read between the lines and simply go. She didn't understand why they had come if they were only going to whine about everything. What E.C.G. was doing was incredible, and many people would profit from it, so why shouldn't they come out to support them? She was also aware that this day was a means of rewarding them for their efforts during and after the wave. She found herself honoured at the thought of someone as famous as this openly thanking the emergency services and the hospital for everything they had done.

"We are just voicing our option," Chimney countered, but Bobby's look made him quiet up.

Athena found herself shaking her head; why hadn't Bobby intervened before they made such remarks was beyond her. Chimney and Maddie were making them all look bad, especially if someone overheard any of their comments.

Athena also understood what Buck had meant during the lawsuit when he said Bobby treated him differently. If Buck had made those comments, she knew Bobby would have handled it right away. Buck would never say something like that, but it emphasised her point. Bobby always treats Chimney as his second in command; even though there were more experienced firefighters available to fill those roles. Buck for example was far more qualified to take that role than Chimney was. She had learned from another firefighter during a bad RTC that Buck was a born leader and often the one they would follow if he was there other any other firefighter. However, Bobby saw it; she had assumed it was because of his age, but now she suspected Bobby had no idea what a brilliant firefighter he had just lost.

"Not here, Chim," Bobby stated with a warning tone. "I have already told you that most of the department chiefs are here and we are already under the microscope, so we don't want any more trouble." Athena could plainly hear the desperation in Bobby's tone as if he was pleading with them not to make things any more difficult for him. She knew he wasn't taking his suspension well, and she had overheard some of his heated arguments with this union rep when she returned from work.

As much as she didn't want her husband to lose his job, she also knew that one of the major factors working against him right now was that he hadn't admitted that he had been wrong in holding Buck back; sure, he had said that he wished he had done things differently, but he had never admitted that he had been wrong. And she was unsure whether he would ever do so. He was just too proud or stubborn to do so.

"Come on, Chim, let's go eat," Maddie whispered, clutching Chimney's arm as if she were scared someone would pull her away from him, pouting her lower lip and moaning.

Athena couldn't help but roll her eyes at the situation. Maddie was clearly upset that they had been told off and disagreed with. As she did so, she reflected on the type of sister she had been to Buck. If she was like this when Buck was younger, she might understand why he had so much trouble interacting with others. If she had to live in the same house as her, she wouldn't be able to trust anyone for very long.

"Sure, Mads, let's go to your favourite Italian restaurant," Chimney replied, kissing Maddie on the cheek before they left without saying anything further.

Athena turned to see May rolling her eyes, this time not hiding it at all. She had done it in full view of them, and the look on her face suggested she didn't care. To be honest, she didn't care either. She was relieved they were going because they had repeatedly attempted to ruin the night.

"Let me know when you get home safe," Bobby called after them, but they didn't turn or appear to hear him.

Athena couldn't help but shake her head as they watched him leave; however, as they left while the others were busy, she spotted Maddie attempting to encourage people to look at them as they passed. She seemed to be attempting to catch people's attention, which was dumb given that Maddie had only recently been detained for assault and had noticed a couple of her fellow police pointing at her as they passed. Clearly, news had spread about what she had done. She had heard from Bobby that the dispatcher chief had requested her to come in on Monday for a meeting, which she suspected would be the time they informed her that she was suspended until after the hearing. Which, to be honest, she deserved given what she had done.

"Good riddance," May mumbled, focussing her attention back on the group. Karen and Hen both laughed at May's comment, and she was about to join in, but the look Bobby gave her daughter prompted her to pause. She could tell Bobby was about to say something, but before he could, May spoke again: "What? We all thought it," she continued, shrugging her shoulders as if what she had said was normal for her. That wasn't the case, but she couldn't help but secretly agree with her.

"Doesn't mean you say it," Michael remarked, chuckling as he wrapped her arms around her daughter and smiled. She knew Michael would be praising her even more when they returned home. But she couldn't get over the look Bobby had given May. She couldn't understand why he appeared to want to tell May off when he had barely called Chimney and Maddie off for their rude remarks.

"Come on, let's go look at some of the other paintings," David said, sensing the tension between her and Bobby, Athena guessed that her face also told them that she was dissatisfied with her husband, and from the look Michael gave her, he was also upset about the whole thing.

It was then that she realised she needed to speak with Bobby about how he treated some people; it appeared that if he built a picture of someone, it was all he saw. He had done it to May slightly when they first met; he always regarded her as a child rather than the lady she had grown into. But he had done worse with Buck. He only saw a young man in need of instruction, nothing more.

That needs to change. He needed to change; if he didn't, she wasn't sure she could continue in the marriage. Bobby's judgement of those he perceived as naive undermined the foundation of marriage, which requires trust and understanding. She had noticed that when Bobby was around Buck, he acted like a parent, watching over their small child.

And to be honest, she understood why Buck had stated that Bobby had always treated him differently, and he was right. She remembered going to the station for lunch one and noticing how overbearing Bobby was with him. That had to change; what if Harry wanted to be a firefighter, as he had stated while they ate dinner after spending the day with Buck and Christopher?

She had been surprised by his statement, but he had then explained why. He stated that he wasn't sure, but he wasn't against it. She was very thrilled that he was thinking about the future, even if it was difficult to envision him growing up, but she was also grateful that he indicated that he was considering college in May or an apprenticeship to keep his options open.

However, Bobby had pretty much lost it. He had basically told Harry that it wasn't a good future for him. It was too dangerous, and he should consider attending college or finding a better, safer job. She was taken aback by that; Bobby had no right to try to push her son (not his) into doing something he clearly hadn't decided. He had every right to consider all his options; if he chose to become a firefighter, so be it. He was the only one who could decide what he did with his life.

As Michael and David took May away, Karen and Hen walked off after they had seen someone Karen had gone to college with leaving Bobby and her alone. She must have given Michael a look indicating that they needed to be alone for this part. Bobby still looked furious at May, who simply shook her head as she walked away as if she wanted to say more but knew she couldn't because she had already done so with a couple of her words.

Athena turned to approach Bobby, cautious not to raise her voice, despite wanting to do and asked Bobby the question that had been weighing on her mind. "Why didn't you deal with them?"

Bobby appeared surprised by her comment and clearly had no idea what she was talking about. "What do you mean?" He asked.

Athena couldn't help but shake her head; was he so blind to his own actions? If he was, she would tell him that his actions were awful and absolutely unacceptable. She didn't care if she hurt his feelings; he needed to know how his actions affected others. "Chimney and Maddie's attitude." She scoffed.

Bobby still didn't grasp it and appeared even more perplexed, as if Maddie and Chimney's attitudes were usual or unimportant. "It was nothing Athena, they didn't mean it." He murmured, shrugging his shoulders as if it were nothing.

"No, it's not," Athena shot back, shaking her head at him.

"You are already in enough trouble with the department and if anyone overheard what Chimney had been saying and you not correcting it then you sure as hell, they will use that against you." Athena tried to keep her voice down but struggled slightly.

"We were invited here to stand for our departments, and everyone here was involved in the tsunami rescue or aftermath. Look about you, Bobby," Athena said as she pointed and motioned her hand around them, attempting to keep her voice clear but finding it difficult because Bobby was whining about not understanding things.

"I see firefighters from five different stations and at least two chiefs; what do you think will happen if any of them overhear what Chimney said? Do you believe they would not report him to the department? And you stood there, allowing him to say whatever he wanted." Athena felt her fury rising as she talked; she needed Bobby to understand the risk he was taking by not penalising Chimney for his statements. Sure, he was suspended, but it didn't mean he couldn't change his behaviour. And if that had been disclosed to the Chiefs, it would have been beneficial for him. But he had not.

"Do you think that they wouldn't use that against you?" Athena asked, shaking her head.

"We aren't at work, Athena; I have no control over him, and I'm suspended; I can't do anything," Bobby said, and she observed Bobby's irritating expression on his face as if he was upset that she was questioning him. It seemed as if she was expected to agree and back him simply because they were married.

"Yes, you can," Athena dismissed knowing that if she didn't go right now, they'd make a scene. Bobby wasn't listening to her, and she didn't have much choice except to wait. She did, however, want to ensure that she expressed her own point of view. "This is a work event, remember? The Chiefs could have warned you to stay away, but they let you come since the artist requested that the 118 attend. They had asked for the 118 by name, indicating that they wanted you there. But that doesn't imply the department has forgotten what's going on; do you think his current behaviour hasn't already caught the department's attention?" Athena asked.

Chimney's behaviour had been called into question several times, and from what she could recall, he also had a few marks on his record that Bobby had attempted to remove but had been unsuccessful. Mostly because they had come from other captains, making it hard for him to remove them, for which she had privately expressed gratitude. Chimney needed to be held accountable for his actions, something Bobby clearly had difficulty doing.

But she wasn't done; there was also the mention of a promotion. How would a man with a documented history of bullying and dishonesty be promoted over others who were more qualified and more suited to the job? "You think the department is going to promote someone with Chimney's attitude to a lieutenant?" She asked, shaking her head.

She considered it interesting that Buck hadn't applied for the lieutenant position. She remembered overhearing Buck talking to one of the captains from another house and had heard the captain act surprised that he hadn't scheduled the exam yet like this was a topic that had been brought up a few times. And she had to agree with him; she had seen Buck handle a team while Bobby and Chimney were occupied with something else, collaborate with other stations as if they were all his friends and understood how they operated even if they just met.

Hell, she had overheard one of the detectives at the station mention that they had been talked Buck into helping them with an arson investigation; she hadn't informed anybody about it, but she couldn't be prouder of him for that. However, she now wished she had told him that more; perhaps if she had told Buck how proud she was of him or encouraged him to take the lieutenant exam, he would still be here. However, she was unable to change her past.

"He's the most senior at the station," Bobby insisted.

"So what? Seniority does not imply that everything should be handed to you. Chimney has already crossed many lines during calls. Buck, for example, is a better fit for the job." Athena snapped.

"Don't bring him into this." Bobby snapped, and Athena took a step back after seeing the flash of rage. She knew Bobby would never physically harm her, but as a police officer, she knew that taking a step back sometimes helps you deal with a problem. "He abandoned and got his sister in legal trouble Athena; I had to be there for them since he clearly doesn't care about his own family." He added, shaking his head, yet his words set off alarms in her thoughts.

Bobby certainly bought Maddie's story that this was entirely Buck's responsibility. What was wrong with these people? Whatever had happened to Maddie was her fault. She was the one who attempted to break into Buck's flat, refused to leave despite cops' orders, and then attacked them when she didn't get her way. She couldn't blame anyone but herself.

Another thing that disturbed her was that Bobby appeared to be utterly opposed to even considering Buck and promotion in the same sentence. Sure, she knew Bobby was still unhappy with Buck, but when she added that she thought Buck would be an excellent firefighter to promote ahead of Chimney, Bobby's fury flared up. She felt it weird that Bobby would not want one of his firefighters to progress and advance in their careers. Which troubled her even more: had Bobby done anything to prevent Buck from progressing in his career?

That simple notion brought her head back to focus; there was clearly something Bobby was not telling him, and he certainly trusted Chimney and Maddie more than anyone else, even her. She tried to convince Bobby to see how wrong he had been, as well as understand why he had been so hurt by the lawsuit and to support him as much as she could without falling into the same script of Bobby being right and Buck being wrong as everyone else had at one point or another.

It pained her heart to think that Buck thought it would be best for everyone if he just left. However, after witnessing Bobby and Maddie's behaviour, she couldn't blame him for leaving without telling anyone. She would not have been surprised if Maddie had tried to push Buck to stay against his will, even locking him in or making it impossible for him to escape her. However, if she had done that then Maddie would have met a real Mamma Bear, who would have murdered her if she had hurt her adoptive kid.

But looking at her husband, she couldn't see the man she married. It was as if the man she believed she knew was no longer present. She had no idea when this man had taken over her husband, but the man she had married would never go behind Buck's back to stop him from returning to work. Sure, she understood why he was concerned, but she also knew that Buck was meant to help people; it was simply who he was. Perhaps she should rethink her marriage. She didn't want to, but there was nothing else she could think of right now.

"You better find your own way home," she remarked coldly, walking away to meet up with May and Michael. She wasn't going to continue the topic here; she'd observed one or two people turn to stare at her when Bobby exploded when she uttered Buck's name and one of them worked at the station 136. But she didn't care, right now she had a lot to think about.

As she had been the one to drive them to the event, she knew that Bobby would need to get a taxi home or get a lift from Karen and Hen. But she really didn't care anymore. They had planned to go for dinner with Michael, David and May before heading home and she planned to do exactly that. She wasn't about to disrupt her plans because her husband chose not to grow a backbone and handle his own mess.

As she reached May, Michael and David who were too busy talking about the painting to noticed that she had reached them. She stood there in silence trying to work out how this night had gone so wrong. Sure, May was loving the evening, and she was so happy about that but at the same time, she couldn't help but blame herself for ruining the evening by bringing Bobby with her.

Athena couldn't help but turn her head at one moment to see Bobby leaving with a scowl on his face like he couldn’t believe what had happened. She could also see the hurt and he had glanced over at her before leaving telling her that he felt deeply betrayed by her words. But she couldn’t let that bother her. He had been the one to mess up tonight, all she had done was finally call him out on it.

As she stood there listening to May talk with David about the piece, she felt someone take hold of her hand. She looked down and then back up at whoever had taken hold of her hand. It was Michael, he stood there with a soft smile on his face and gave it a tight squeeze. She knew what he was doing, he was silently telling her that he was standing with her no matter what happened with her marriage to Bobby. That he and the kids would always be on her side.

She knew in that moment that she had a lot to think about, she wasn’t going to let Bobby or anyone else sweep this under the rug like they had tried to do before. She needed to get Bobby to sit down and talk about what the hell was happening and how he was going to fix this. If they couldn’t work out a solution, then she wasn’t sure what was going to happen to them. But she was going to stand up for what she believed in. No matter who got hurt.

Chapter Text

How was he here?

Why was he here?

Was he real?

Was he having a nightmare?

How did he know he was here?

Did someone call him? Or did someone threaten me that if he didn't come to see him, he'd regret it? (He wouldn't put it past any of his brothers for that one). Did he want something from him?

Did he want him to warn them to back off?

Did he want money from him? He knew his secret; was this a blackmail attempt? (He knew Steve would kill Caleb without hesitation if that was the case, but Caleb knew he couldn't live with himself if Steve got into trouble for him?)

All those questions kept racing around in his head with no end in sight as he simply gazed at the man he planned to marry, who stood there looking incredible. He was bigger than he was when he left, in a muscular sense. He had been working out since he left, but not in a bodybuilder style and knew that he would never.  Caleb, like him, would never think or use steroids like that. Sure, they had seen others do it but they knew the side effects of misusing them. It was more like he continued his Seal training to keep in such good shape. He, too, had continued his training, owing primarily to his position with the LAFD, but Caleb appeared to be in good shape. Like he was still in the Navy, which he couldn't be because they both gave their notice at the same time, they planned to finish their contacts and then travel.

He also had a strong and golden tan; he was Hispanic, but Caleb had always had a light complexion because his grandfather was Caucasian. Buck noticed that Caleb was well-tanned, which could only suggest that he had spent a lot of time outside. He wasn't one for sunbathing, so he could only assume he had been somewhere warm. Perhaps he had been travelling, like they had always expected to do after retiring. They had planned a worldwide holiday to visit all the places they wanted to see before settling down. But, of course, that was the dream before everything went wrong. 

However, the tan merely highlighted the brilliant green eyes on his face. He loved staring into Caleb's eyes as often as he could, while they were dating. They were stunning and reminded him of emeralds. Caleb used to blush scarlet red whenever he talked about them. He had planned to bring it up during his speech at their wedding, but that never happened. He had discovered his half-written speech after Caleb had left while packing to leave.

However, he did not cry, possibly because he had already cried enough, instead, he had felt numb. He had carried the speech with him till he reached Los Angeles. He had thought he had found his new family, so he had burned his speech, and as he watched it burn, he promised himself never to let himself get hurt in like way again. He was such an idiot for believing that would happen. He was always emotionally vulnerable when he felt safe, and he was repeatedly hurt for it. Was he ever going to learn?

Caleb's black hair was the longest he'd ever seen it. His curls sat loose and wind-swept on his face and neck, causing his knees to give way somewhat. It wasn't shoulder length, but the curls seemed fresh, so he assumed Caleb had just had it cut.  Caleb, like him, had kept his hair short for the majority of their time together due to his service in the Navy, although they had joked about what they would do when they retired. He asked Caleb to let his hair grow because he had seen a photo of him on his eighteenth birthday and liked the way he looked with long hair. He'd also grown a short beard; he'd only ever seen Caleb with stubble or clean-shaven, but he looked great with one now. He had to glance away at that point to gather his breath before turning back to face him.

It was then that he realised what he was wearing. Caleb was just wearing stone-washed dark blue jeans; he couldn't see the back, but he was confident that Caleb had them while they were dating. They would frequently make fun of them; Caleb would label them vintage, while he would just refer to them as old. But they still looked nice on him. They fit nicely around his thighs and hips as if they were custom-made for him.

His brown belt, or more specifically the belt buckle, drew his attention. It was a handmade metal and enamel modernist Brutalist belt buckle, which he knew because he had bought it. They were on a short excursion in Mexico when they discovered it in a small shop in one of the smaller towns they were passing through. Caleb loved it but couldn't afford it. So, he brought it and gave it to him for his birthday. He remembered Caleb’s face when he opened it, and it was worth the price he paid for it to see the joy on his face.

He was also dressed in a short-sleeved henley shirt in pale cream. It fit his arms well, not too tight but just snug enough to show off his muscles. It appeared new, but in the light, he noticed two missing buttons from the collar. It appeared to have been worn frequently and loved.

The short sleeves also revealed his right-armed tattoo sleeve, which he had begun while they were together and appeared complete, ending at his wrist where a watch sat. It was a combination of Mexican Aztec motifs and Santa Muerte tattoos that overlapped as they moved down his arm. It was all black and grey and looked amazing. Buck remembers accompanying him to the tattoo shop while he was getting a part of it done, he had ended up laughing with the tattoo artists about how ticklish Caleb was due to the placement of the tattoo while he tried to draw the design onto him. They were there for over four hours and throughout the entire time they were there Caleb asked him to hold his hand. He wasn't in pain, just asking him to hold his hand. After they had left, he asked Caleb why he needed him to hold his hand, and Caleb simply smiled at him. With a shrug of his shoulders, Caleb told him that he just enjoyed holding his hand in public whenever possible.

Caleb completed his style with some somewhat warn white trainers that appeared to be a few years old but in good condition. He could see small cracks in the soles and the laces appeared to have been replaced, but otherwise, they looked OK. Buck could also see the contour of some keys in his front pocket, which were appropriate for a car or hotel room. He was certain Caleb was not on the island; Steve would not have permitted him to be here.

To be honest, Caleb appeared to be in fantastic shape, which made matters worse. Caleb was healthy and fit as if he had been enjoying life. Something that he had wanted for him, but he couldn't help but be upset that Caleb appeared to have his life together while he was struggling. It didn't seem fair. But he had promised that if he ever met Caleb again and he had found happiness then he would respect him and allow him to be happy without causing problems.

However, seeing him standing in front of him made it difficult to maintain the pledge. He had caused him so much grief that he wanted him to know it, but he had done it for his mental health (or so he thought) as he didn't want to cause Caleb any grief for simply moving on. He would never have pushed Caleb to stay with him if he wasn't happy.

Buck continued to stare at Caleb, not knowing if he could completely trust his eyes. Maybe he had been sitting in the sun for too long and was now dehydrated, hallucinating that his ex-fiancé was standing in front of him. Or maybe he was dreaming? Instead of standing on the beach, he was still asleep in his bed in Steve's house having a nightmare after finding out about Maddie's arrest.

But he couldn't think about that right now when the thoughts of Maddie started to swim into focus. The fact that his ex, with whom he had expected to spend the rest of his life, was standing in front of him as if he had been invited was a more present problem. But deep down, Buck got the strangest impression that Caleb had been invited there, but not by him. Then it hit him, he had noticed Sam and Steve whispering together or leaving the room to talk discreetly when Steve's phone rang. They had been acting guilty all day. He knew they had something to do with this, but Steve had already told him that he had a hard to finding Caleb when they had first broken up, so it seemed strange that he had found him so quickly. But he wouldn't rule out his brothers sending someone else to hunt for them; he was a little concerned that Sam had requested his boss to get involved, and if he did, he hoped he wouldn't face any consequences.

Buck felt so many emotions when he looked at Caleb; he both loved and hated the man. But at the same time, he could feel his heart in his throat. His heart was racing, and he felt as if the world was spinning. He knew that wasn't true, but in his thoughts, the entire world came to a halt when he came face to face with his ex and then began to spin even faster as time went on. He knew it was his fear rearing its ugly head, which was forcing him to battle to get air into his lungs. He instantly felt nauseous, but he was able to keep it down. However, he didn’t know for how long.

"Hi Evan," Caleb said softly, breaking through his panic and keeping him anchored. Caleb's voice had always done that; anytime he became overly emotional or stressed, the team trusted Caleb to help him. And he kind of got it. Few individuals knew how to deal with him when he was like that. Steve was the only other person who could help him through whatever he was going through. He had trusted Joe once or twice, but he had not spent much time with him when he was struggling with his emotions.

He remembered a horrible mission where he failed to defuse a device in a school building, which exploded and nearly killed them all. The bastard who created it had built in a fail-safe that he had missed, and when he believed he had disarmed it, it had instead triggered the secondary charge. He had thankfully managed to locate the secondary timer and get everyone out just seconds before it exploded. Buck had gone silent after ascertaining that everyone was still alive and getting aboard the exfil vehicles. He had retreated within himself, and thankfully, the lads knew him well enough to know that trying to persuade him to talk was pointless.

When they returned to base, he had walked off to a storeroom that they had designated as their own for their equipment. He had slammed the door in such a way that everyone understood they shouldn't bother him. The team understood that he needed space when he was acting that way. After slamming the door, Buck had positioned himself behind some of the crates, making himself as small as possible by curling his arms about his legs like a child in the corner of the room. He knew it wasn't his fault, but his brothers trusted him to keep them safe. And, as the dust and filth piled about him, he felt he had failed them.

He was left alone for about ten minutes until Caleb gently opened the door and slipped inside the room without making a sound. Buck realised he was alone, and Caleb moved cautiously towards him without saying anything. He was acting like he was a wounded caged animal. Buck hadn't met his gaze as Caleb sat down in front of him and, without saying a word, drew him into his arms, tucking his face beneath his neck. Caleb didn't care whether he wept, yelled, or attempted to fight him; he wouldn't let him go until he relaxed into his arms. Caleb would only speak to him then, whispering comments telling him that it wasn't his fault, that they didn't blame him, and that he deserved their trust and love.

They had sat for another half hour till he was ready to speak, and Caleb had not chastised him for acting childishly. Something he knew Maddie would have done.  Instead, he understood why he wanted some alone time and even suggested that if things became too much for him, he should let him know and he would intervene with the guys on his behalf so he could have some peace. That knowledge had also contributed to his feelings for the man. 

“What…” Buck whispered as he nipped his leg to confirm he wasn't dreaming. "How did you..." he tried to ask, but the words stuck in his throat.

Caleb could see that he was struggling so he took a step forward while maintaining his distance. "Joe came and found me," Caleb replied, slipping his hands into his front pockets with a shrug, but Buck could tell he was struggling to figure out what to say without upsetting him. "He said that he got a call that you wanted to see me, and I jumped at the chance," Caleb explained.

Of course, it was Joe. Joe was better connected than any other CO he'd ever had.

The man could discover anyone's deepest secrets or location without breaking a sweat. Of course, he could track down his ex and scare him enough to convince him to fly to Hawaii and speak with him.

"Steve?" Buck enquired, shaking his head, knowing that Steve had been the one to phone Joe to ask for his help. He remembered telling Steve that night that he wanted closure from Caleb, but he was merely voicing what the small voice inside his head had said. He had no idea Steve would do this; he was grateful for the opportunity, but he was irritated with Steve for acting behind his back like this.

"I think so, Joe didn't say," Caleb responded, shrugging his shoulders again, but Buck could tell Caleb was thinking the same thing. They had always joked that Joe was Steve's father when they were on the team, and it had been a running joke to ask Steve whether he had been grounded whenever Joe told him off.

"That nosy sneaky bastard…" Buck muttered, shaking his head and looking up at the sky to try to conceal an eye roll. He made a mental note to confront Steve later and ask him what he thought he was doing. Sure, if Steve had told him Joe had found Caleb and was eager to see him, he could have planned accordingly. He knew he'd fall apart the moment he saw him, but he'd mentally prepared himself for what he wanted to say to the man.

"I'm glad, though," Caleb answered quietly.

Buck focused more closely on Caleb's face. He suddenly realised the age and pain written across Caleb's face, something he had previously overlooked. But then he glimpsed something in Caleb's eyes that startled him. The spark he adored and took joy in looking at was no longer there. Something had happened, and it was horrible. He wanted to ask him what had happened immediately, but he refrained.

"You are?" Buck enquired, surprised. If Caleb wanted to find him, why hadn't he? Had he been so worried about his reaction that he stayed away? Or had something taken away that spark, causing him to stay away?

"Yes," Caleb answered gently, then looked down at the floor, as if he knew he was going to cause agony and didn't want to witness it.

And the two of them became silent, each attempting to figure out what to say. All Buck wanted to do was run up to Caleb and hug him until he asked him to stop. With everything they had witnessed, something terrible must have caused him to lose his spark. Caleb was usually the life of the party; even after a hard day, he could always see the bright side. 

However, he had no right to try to encourage Caleb to talk because they were no longer a couple. He had no right to demand an answer, but he cared for Caleb, nonetheless. If he needed someone to cry on, he'd be there for him. Even if it killed him to be so near to him, he would let him go when the time was right.

"You look good," Buck replied, pointing at him. He was being honest, but he couldn't take silence any longer.

Caleb chuckled and shook his head as if his words had prompted him to have a brief flashback.  "Thanks," he replied, smiling lightly at him. Buck, however, saw that the smile had not reached his eyes. It felt like it was forced. "You look…" He began to speak but then glanced up at him completely.

Buck gave a quick chuckle and shook his head. He knew what he looked like: half dead. Sure, he had a little tan from painting in the sun, but he still had black circles under his eyes and was thinner than he had ever been. "Like crap?" He completed Caleb's comment. He was not going to sugarcoat it; he felt and looked terrible. Who wouldn't, given everything he had gone through?  

When Buck had finished his sentence, he couldn't help but feel some resentment against his ex-fiancé. He knew he couldn't blame Caleb for all that had happened to him, but he couldn't stop thinking that if Caleb hadn't left, things could have turned out differently.

Caleb hesitated, studying him carefully before saying, "I was going to say stressed and tired as if you hadn't slept properly."

Buck couldn't help but scoff and shake his head, saying, "Well, when your ex turns up on a beach out of nowhere, that tends to happen." He snapped but mentally kicked himself for saying it. He couldn't believe he said that. He could see the hurt and pain written all over his face and hated to see that. He didn't mean to cause him pain, but he couldn't help but snap.

"I'm so sorry Ev," Caleb apologised softly.

"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," Buck muttered, rubbing his palm across his face. He hated himself for yelling at Caleb like that. It wasn't his fault he was so broke; he was lucky Caleb had stayed with him for so long. He had been his longest relationship, and he had messed it up badly (even though he didn't know how Caleb was amazing therefore it was certainly not his fault).

"No, it's not Ev," Caleb murmured softly, taking a few steps closer to him as if he wanted to wrap his arms around him but refrained.

Hearing Caleb call him Ev had pushed him to his limit. He couldn't take it any longer, talking to Caleb as if no time had passed (he couldn't believe how simple it was) made him realise that just seeing him reminded him that he was still passionately in love with him. He knew he couldn't go there, especially now that he was so broken. "Well, it's nice seeing you," Bucks replied hurriedly as he began to walk back to Steve's house. He needed to get away, maybe lock himself in his room and deal with what had just transpired, both Caleb's appearance and Maddie's messages. But right now, he needed to be alone.

"Mi alma gemela please wait…" Caleb replied fast.

Buck had been so submerged in his own thoughts that he didn't hear Caleb speak, not until he jumped in surprise when he felt Caleb's touch on his forearm. He couldn't help but leap back in terror as if he'd been stung, and Caleb instantly raised his hands to show him that he meant no threat. Caleb's words, however, echoed in his mind at that point. He could not help but gasp at what Caleb had called him.

While they had several pet names between them, that was the one he always preferred. Caleb had called him on their first anniversary. He didn't mean to, and he apologised multiple times, claiming he didn't want to force him into anything. Buck had attempted to get him to stop talking so he could tell that he felt the same, but it took him kissing him to eventually calm him down. Being referred to as someone's soulmate just reinforced his belief that he had discovered the right man for him.

He had found the person who was perfectly suited to him. He had hoped that they would grow old together, start the family that they both desired and enjoy life without worry.

And suddenly everything fell apart. He had left him, and he feared he had unintentionally ruined their bond. He'd hated himself for it, but hearing Caleb call him that again made his entire body freeze in place. He couldn't believe Caleb had called him that; could he call him that after abandoning him?

"What?" He managed to whisper.

"Can we please talk?" Caleb asked, and Buck could see the worry etched across his face.

But the fact that Caleb had just named him his soulmate and wanted to talk triggered all of his anger from when he had left, and before he could stop himself, he screamed at Caleb, "Don't think there was anything else left to say!" But, even seeing Caleb's pain flash over his face, he couldn't stop himself from speaking. "You made it pretty clear that you needed space and that we weren't working anymore."

He knew it wasn't nice to turn Caleb's comments back on him, and he knew he shouldn't have held on to those feelings for so long, but he couldn't help but feel like if he didn't get this out now, he never would. He didn't yell or shout during their split. Instead, he had simply remained there, watching it happen right in front of him. He had stared, quietly asking Caleb not to abandon him. Watching the man, he loved utterly to leave him. Steve had found him in the same place a few hours later. He had neither sobbed nor yelled. He was practically numb to everything until Steve placed his arms around him.

"And stop calling me that…" He managed to spit out as he felt his emotions boil through his entire being, and he didn't trust himself to speak. This hatred was old, and Caleb did not deserve it. Not after how much time had passed. "We aren't together, I'm not your mi alma gemela anymore." He managed to say, but he felt like the words were stuck on his tongue, refusing to come out but he managed.

At this point, he couldn't look at Caleb. He couldn't believe he still loved the man so intensely that just seeing him cut deep into his soul, but he also knew Caleb was no longer his. He probably belonged to someone else. Someone better than him. Clearly, he had come only because Joe had threatened him or told him that he was in a horrible state and needed him to come and fix him before going to his new and improved life.

"And that was the biggest mistake of my life," Caleb exclaimed, pulling Buck out of his mind.

Buck stared at Caleb as if he had three heads. What the hell does that mean? Was he the biggest mistake of his life, or was it the relationship? He didn't understand him. But before he could ask him what he meant, Caleb took three giant steps towards him and stood just in front of him.

Buck had forgotten how tall Caleb was; Caleb was the taller of the two. Not by much but he was. Looking into his eyes, however, revealed something he did not expect to see again: love. Steve had once drunkenly told him that Caleb stared at him like he was his whole world and that it was sickening at times.

"I'm sorry I left the way I did, Evan." Caleb whispered softly, "For making you think I didn't love you, because I do."

Buck could tell Caleb wanted to touch him, to pull him into one of their powerful special hugs whenever one of them felt as if the world was ending. However, he held himself back, and Buck understood why; given the way he acted when he only touched his arm, he assumed Caleb was attempting to respect his space. Even if he desperately wanted to break it.

"Do?" Buck asked timidly as if he was afraid of hearing Caleb's response, which he was. What did Caleb mean when he said he still loved him? How could he have left him like that if he did? How could he crush him down and spit him out as if he still loved him? Why hadn't he come back or looked for him to tell him that he had made a mistake? He would have probably taken him back right away if he had. Steve would have punched him once or twice, but he wouldn't have hurt him too horribly. But they would have worked through it.

Caleb smiled gently back at him, but Buck could see remorse and grief mixed in there. "I love you Evan, always have," Caleb replied, and Buck noticed that his eyes were now welling up with tears. "That will never change," he continued before taking a step back. Buck wanted to draw him into a tight hug, but he pulled back. He hated seeing Caleb sad or crying especially when he was to blame, even if he didn't mean to.

He recognised that such feelings were from his need to make everyone else happy and solve any problems they had without being asked because he believed that was what he was destined to do (something he was working on with Doctor Copeland), but he also knew that he couldn't, not now.

"I know I have no right to ask you to listen to me or give me the time of day to explain what happened, but you have the right to know everything," Caleb admitted, and Buck could see that he was barely holding it together.

"I don't know…" Buck managed to say, but Caleb interrupted him before he could finish what he was saying. Caleb didn't seem to expect him to offer him anything as if merely allowing him to talk to him was enough.

"Look we don't have to do it right now, if you need a few days then that's ok," Caleb said with a warm smile as if to tell him that it was fine if he needed time, and that he would gladly give him it until he was ready to speak. "I'm staying in a hotel that Joe booked for me close by, he booked it for a week, but I will be here for as long as you need and after that, if you want me gone then I will leave," Caleb admitted. But Buck could tell Caleb didn't want to leave. Not when so much remained unsaid but respected that he needed time.

But when Buck looked into Caleb's eyes and listened to his words, he realised he wasn't lying. If he asked for the truth, he would get the whole truth, no holding back. He was afraid he would be harmed by what he learnt, but he needed to hear it.

"I…" Buck attempted to construct a sentence but found it hard to say what he was thinking.

"Look," Caleb replied, clearing his throat before reaching around and pulling out a pen and wallet, then pulling out an old receipt and starting to write something on it. Buck found himself smiling at the scene, Caleb always carried a small Ikea pen in his wallet. Even when they were together, he always said when he first moved into his own place, he had gone to Ikea to buy furniture and had picked up the pen, which he kept in his wallet so he always had one. The lads on their team had made fun of him for a time because of this, but it was his minor quirks that made him love him.

"Here's my number," Caleb replied, handing over the receipt, and as Buck accepted it with his hands still shaking, he noticed the number and believed his heart had stopped. Caleb's phone number remained unchanged from before he had left. Had he kept the same number all this time? That means that he had received all of his impassioned and sorrowful texts and voicemails.

"I'll think about it," Buck whispered, afraid his own voice would break.

"That's all I'm asking Ev," Caleb nodded and sighed, but Buck knew he hadn't done it to make him feel guilty, but rather because he had been holding his breath throughout their chat. "It's really good to see you, Evan," Caleb said.

But this time, Buck was the one who walked away. He left Caleb on the shore, not wanting to be the one to see the man he loved go away again. But as he walked away, his heart ached even more; how could this be his life? He looked down at Caleb's number in his hand. He suddenly realised that Caleb's phone number was still in his phone. He failed to remove it no matter how many times his finger was hovering over the button. He couldn't conclude that chapter of his life for whatever reason, possibly because he never received the closure he wanted. Perhaps it was because he wished that one day he would be able to find someone who could fill the big hole Caleb had left in him, and then he could delete his phone number.

He couldn't recall how he got back to his room, but the next thing he remembered was lying on his bed, looking at the receipt in his hand. He knew the numbers by heart; out of all the numbers he'd forced himself to remember, Caleb's and Steve's were always among them. He wanted closer and find out what he had done to make Caleb leave him. He had replayed their previous several months together in an attempt to determine the cause but had been unsuccessful. He had the opportunity to find out the truth, but he chose to walk away.

He knew Caleb had assured him that if he needed time, he would respect it, but he seemed to want to blurt it all out to him right there on the beach. Like keeping everything, a secret was slowly killing him. And yet he hated seeing that in the man he continued to love.

But he also needed time.

He had enough to worry about. Simply learning that his sister was continuously blaming him for what had happened to her and telling him that he was basically worthless until he did as he was told was causing him more harm than good. He thought he'd closed that door when he left, knowing he'd done what he needed to do for his own mental health. He had every right to defend himself, yet here lying there on his bed, he felt like he had failed his sister. But he would need to handle her carefully, she had already tried to report him missing to try and control him and he had no idea what she would do next to try and gain control.

His thoughts were however disturbed by his phone vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out without thinking, only to find a message from his lawyer. His lawyer had been a god-sent recently and clearly deserved his paycheck this month with everything he had to handle for him. The email was pretty straightforward. He just said that he had amended a few things and added something that allowed him to keep his options open if he ever wanted to return to firefighting. Something that he hadn’t really thought about however wasn’t a door he wanted to close just yet. As well as a request to be kept updated on the investigation into his previous house. He explained that this was simply to make sure that he could defend himself if anything came up against him and protect his name.

Without much thinking and only briefly reading the letter over, Buck forwarded the letter to Deputy Chief Muller before switching off his phone. He knew that he should have done that when he was emotional however he was so done with LA. He knew that Maddie would throw a fit when she found out. But he didn’t care. He was done with LA, for now anyway.

Before turning off his phone, he had seen another email from his lawyer as well as another one from his agent however he couldn’t handle any more drama today. He placed his phone screen facing down on the bedside table and turned his back on it. He would handle everything else tomorrow when he had a clearer head. He only hoped he was brave enough. 

Chapter Text

Hen found herself smiling again as she entered the station. She had been feeling more like herself recently and was looking forward to the upcoming shift. She had noticed in recent weeks that whenever she was on shift, she had to motivate herself to get out of bed. And she was becoming more exhausted without much of a reason why.  Karen even mentioned to her one night after they had put Denny to bed that she appeared to be exhausted. Hen had initially avoided admitting to her wife that she was struggling since she did not want to add to Karen's workload. But her wife wasn't foolish; she sat her down and forced her to admit she needed help.

After that night of tears, she contacted a therapist Karen had recommended. Emma was a middle-aged Indian woman who could assist them as both a couple's therapist and an individual if necessary. She had worked as a nurse before retraining to work with emergency responders. She was able to schedule an appointment the next day after they had taken Denny to school to begin working on their problems.

Their first session had been difficult; Emma had forced them to admit to several things that had been bothering them in their relationship, things they had never spoken about before. She had also made her rethink her relationship in ways she had never imagined possible. Hen understood that she had tried to keep her family apart from her job, presumably to keep them safe, but by doing so, she was causing herself pain, which was exacerbating her emotional state.

Within an hour, Hen had apologised to Karen once more for all the pain she had caused them, as well as the pain and heartbreak she caused by cheating on her. Emma additionally helped her in opening up about aspects of her past that she had not before discussed with anyone. Even Karen. And she wasn't the only one who had admitted to keeping things bottled up. Karen had expressed her pain and troubles as well.

After that, they hugged and sobbed some more, but they felt stronger. They had left Emma's office feeling lighter than they had ever felt before. When they had returned home, they started work on the homework Emma had assigned them, which was to compose a list of the things they loved about one another, a list of the things they loved about themselves, and another list of things they wanted to improve on. That list was something they needed to collaborate on, and it had been eye-opening.

Hen recognised she had stopped openly communicating with her wife around the time the bombing happened. She'd been so preoccupied with what had happened to her little brother that she hadn't considered what Karen may have gone through after hearing about the attack on the 118. She had merely texted her that she was OK and would be home as soon as possible. She realised now how stupid she had been; she should have called her or simply FaceTime her to show her wife that she was okay.

They had both promised to prioritise their relationship over any work or friendship commitments. Their family had to be the centre of their life, and after only a week of therapy, Denny admitted during one of their family meals that he was happy that they were happy again, causing them both to cry when he ran off to play with his toys before bed.

However, as much as looking back hurt, Hen was relieved that she had taken the necessary steps to recover. But she wasn't the only one struggling. They were all affected, some more than others, but none of them seemed to have emerged unscathed from the past few years. How could they not? They had been through so much that they had barely had time to take a step back and realise they were all trapped in a never-ending spiral of tragedy.

Hen knew Eddie had been struggling the most of anyone on the team. However, no one would notice it based on how he looked. Eddie had maintained his soldier attitude throughout everything, but cracks were beginning to surface. She couldn't blame him for that. Eddie had gone through more than any of them, apart from Buck.

Eddie had relocated to LA with minimal backing from his family, and according to Buck, he had received a lot of pushbacks when they found out he was moving. Sure, he had his grandmother and aunt living in LA, but he couldn't rely on them very much because his aunt worked, and his grandmother was elderly and couldn't care for Christopher full-time.

He then had to deal with all the red tape that comes with being a single father in an unfamiliar city and starting a new job. It was why everyone had attempted to help him as much as they could, but no one had done more than Buck. But then Eddie had to deal with his wife's return and believing that he had a future with her, only to have it shattered when she was killed in the accident. Watching someone he cared about die in front of him must have broken something inside him. They had tried to console him, but Eddie had maintained a calm demeanour throughout. He rarely expressed his emotions to anyone other than Buck.

However, Eddie had rarely taken any time off after his wife's death. She had wanted to ask about it because she was concerned that he hadn't dealt with all his feelings in a healthy way, but she decided against it because she knew Buck would be the first to tell Eddie if he wasn't safe to work. She noticed Eddie relying more on Buck in the days following her death which calmed her a little knowing that Eddie wasn't alone.

Eddie had come to rely so heavily on Buck that she had almost seen him collapse completely after they all had to sit back and watch Buck be injured in the bombing. Eddie must have been devastated to hear his best friend's screams while pinned beneath the engine. But then she realised how Eddie must have loathed himself for not being able to rush in and help his best friend.

Eddie must have had some horrific recollections after seeing his best friend so close to a suicide vest and an IED. He'd never talked about his time in the Army; she had seen other veterans do the same since talking about it always made them feel worse, which is why she had never asked about his silver star. She had also tried to get Chimney to drop the subject whenever he brought it up, but she couldn't stop him from asking altogether. Weeks after the attack, she noticed Eddie was on high alert. Looking around corners, sitting with his back against the wall, and always wanting to know where everyone was. She suspected he was suffering from PTSD and based on how weary he appeared when he arrived at work, he hadn't been sleeping well.

Which only became worse once Buck developed a blood clot right in front of them. But Hen was certain that none of them had slept much since that night. Seeing someone they cared about, who had nearly died not long before, suddenly cough up blood in front of them had left them all traumatised. While they waited in the hospital for an update on Buck, Hen couldn't help but blame herself for not doing more to reduce Buck's risk of blood clots. She should have followed up with Buck after he was initially released from the hospital to ensure that all the dangers associated with Buck's complex injuries were handled.

She later apologised to him for not doing enough to prevent him from developing a blood clot, and for not checking with Buck's doctors to ensure that he was receiving all the necessary medication to prevent the clots from forming. But Buck had told her to quit being ridiculous, that it wasn't her fault, and that everything was being handled. She had no idea what he meant by it, but she trusted him enough not to ask for more information.

She knew Eddie had gone out of his way to help Buck recuperate. Asking him to take Christopher to keep him busy and get him out of his depressive state knowing how much he loved that little boy. But then she noticed after she had watched as Eddie clung to his son after finding out that both his son and Buck had been caught up in the tsunami that the pain of losing his wife followed by everything else had caused cracks in Eddie's carefully made mask was starting to crack. It was then that Hen was sure that he hadn't gotten over Shannon's death, he had simply buried his emotions. Bobby had given him the day off after that so he could spend more time with Christopher and recover from the realisation that he had come dangerously near to losing his son.

And then the lawsuit happened. That came out of nowhere. Eddie had frozen in place after being summoned to the meeting room by the department for questioning. However, when he had returned Hen had been shocked. There was only one emotion in his eyes, and that was anger. Eddie appeared to be ready to kill someone based on his face. His work reflected his rage. He had started to snap at others, not Bobby, Chimney, or her, but everyone else. She had even witnessed him snap at Lena, who had joined their station after being cleared by the department to work again. But she had never taken his crap and had told him to pull himself together or leave. However, Hen understood that Buck's lawyer brought up facts that they wished to keep hidden to prove their point and wasn't the only thing that fuelled his anger. But his reaction to everything he had been through. Thinking back on the case, she understood Eddie's pain.

Buck's lawyer had brought up a lot of things she didn't want to think about again, and she had left hating Buck a little for causing her pain. Karen, however, corrected her after she returned home. She reminded her that Buck's lawyer was not pursuing them but rather proving to the department that Bobby treated Buck differently than them. And looking back, he did. And now Hen wished that she had been more supportive of Buck, telling him that she understood his point of view and that he was right to defend himself.

But it appeared that she was the only one willing to see it. When Buck was allowed to return, she attempted to welcome him back, but Bobby had blocked it. Seeing her younger brother being hurt by someone she held in high regard was upsetting to watch.  And the way Eddie acted around him simply showed her how broken everyone was.

And then Buck suddenly left without a word and everything fell apart. Bobby had been silent or would snap at someone for even mentioning Buck's name, Chimney shouting that Buck was acting like a child and needed to be taught a lesson, and Eddie simply went quiet, but Hen could see the cracks that were about to break.

She had planned to give Eddie Emma's phone number or ask her for the business cards of anyone she knew who had worked with veterans so Eddie could get the help he needed. However, before she could one day, Eddie arrived at work a bit later than usual, looking a little lighter. She had no idea what had happened, but he appeared a little better. She had no idea what had happened, but then she received a text from Athena asking her to keep a watch on Eddie but providing no explanation.

She could only suppose that Athena had done something; perhaps she had persuaded him to accept that he needed help. Whatever she had done, Hen had sent her a bottle of wine as a thank-you. She had succeeded where she had previously failed. She'd gotten Eddie the help he needed. And she'd seen him slowly heal from everything he'd been through. But it had taken a lot of work and some major changes to ensure that he continued his healing journey. And one of those was the changes made by the brass at the fire station.

As she took another step into the firehouse, she saw how peaceful the surroundings were. She remembered arriving at the firehouse on the first shift after Bobby's suspension, and the fear and stress she felt as she walked through the shutters to begin her shift. She understood why she felt that way; her old Captain had been a true bully, nearly driving her to quit on her first shift with his harsh and rude comments. However, Bobby had persuaded her to stay, which may explain why she was so ready to defend him, not because he was the first captain to be good to her, but because she was afraid the captain who replaced him would be like Gerrard. And she couldn't go through it again, especially because she was still mending from everything she had been through.

When Athena informed her of Bobby's suspension and that he was being investigated, all she could think about was who would step in as interim captain until Bobby returned or was permanently replaced. And to be honest, she knew Bobby wouldn't be able to walk away from the investigation as cleanly as he had from the lawsuit. And had expressed her concern to Karen after learning about the new suspension. As much as she was concerned about a new captain joining the 118, she would rather have that than the department allowing Chimney to become acting captain again.

Chimney had been appointed interim captain the last time Bobby was suspended, and while she liked him as a friend and he was a talented fireman and paramedic, he was not a good leader.  When she remembered how chaotic the fire station was back then, and how they would have gotten by without Buck's meddling and swift actions. And of course, Chimney took full credit for it. Chimney enjoyed the power and prestige that came with being Captain. She had seen him and Maddie brag to anyone who would listen about how Chimney was keeping the station running without Bobby and how it would demonstrate to the Chiefs that he was ready for the next step up the ladder.

Chimney would between calls just lay back on the couch or in Bobby’s office and just put his feet up while he had them do all the work. Hell, he had even altered the chore rota so that it seemed like he was helping but to everyone else, he was just being lazy. And he saw nothing wrong with that. Hell, he'd yell commands from his seat and call it delegation. Chimney refused to change no matter how many times she informed him that merely giving orders was not being a good Captain. And she knew she wasn't the only one who had grown frustrated with Chimney's behaviour. Others at the station had also been discussing how harsh Chimney had been since taking on the temporary Captain's position, and based on what she had overheard, several of them had filed an official complaint with the department.

She hadn't realised how many had done so until Chimney was summoned to headquarters for a meeting with HR. She hadn't filed her complaint against him because she was Chimney's friend. Or she thought she was. When Gerrad had been running the 118, they had clung to each other due to how others treated them. And that closeness had continued throughout. But suddenly, taking a step back (as Karen had encouraged her to do all the time) she saw that Chimney didn’t offer to hang out with her very much now. Everything had to do with Maddie or climbing the ladder inside the department. Nevertheless, she stuck by him.

When Chimney returned from his meeting with the department, he complained loudly enough for everyone to hear. He had been ranting for an hour about how absurd the situation was. He didn't understand how people could say such things about him. Hell, he had even attempted to defend himself and his acts, but the department believed otherwise. She overheard him moaning to Bobby when he returned that the complaints had been added to his record and could not be deleted no matter what Bobby tried.

When she went into the locker room to change, she observed how calm and quiet everything was. It was unusual, but when she exited the locker room, she saw for the first time that all of the other shifts were still up there, laughing and shaking someone's hand before two individuals began to down the stairs towards her. Instead of going upstairs for her usual cup of coffee, she decided to head over to the ambulance and begin her stock check, as she did every shift.

She had no idea when the others would arrive and was astonished to be the first one there. She didn't remember seeing Eddie or Chimney's cars when she parked, so she assumed they hadn't arrived. She had anticipated seeing Chimney strutting around like he owned the place, with Maddie gushing at him, whispering small compliments in his ear or dropping him off some coffee before beginning her shift, only to brag about getting the new captain of the 118 his coffee. And reminded anyone who was there how much he enjoyed coffee so that they would make sure that they had one brewed for him.

As the two people approached, she recognised one of them as Deputy Chief Muller, and it was his voice that forced her to pause halfway to the ambulance as he called out for her. As she turned to face the two men, she noticed who was with the Chief. Behind him stood a white man in his forties with a clean military-style haircut in his short black hair, and the way he carried himself spoke much about the type of man he was. Hen assumed that the man had been in the armed forces at some point in his life, maintained himself in good shape, and valued himself enough to maintain his appearance. It was then that she saw the man's uniform, which was nicely pressed, identical to Deputy Chief Muller. However, the lines of his trousers and shirt appeared to have been meticulously crafted to perfection. It was then that she noticed his epaulettes. They were the captain's epaulettes. She suddenly realised that Chimney would not be their new captain. This man was.

Deputy Chief Muller introduced him as Captain Jack Ellis, a veteran fireman who had served seven years in Washington before moving to the Los Angeles Fire Department with his family five years ago. And Hen had been correct; Captain Ellis had spent five years in the Air Force. Hen was immediately at ease with the man and knew she wouldn't have any issues with him as her captain. However, she knew Chimney would have a problem with the man once he realised, he had not been passed over as Captain this time.

And she didn't have to wait long for Eddie and Chimney to arrive together; she sensed Chimney's bounce in his step as he entered the station. Believing that he was the new Captain once more. However, Muller abruptly pulled them over to introduce them to Ellis. Chimney shook the man's hand and excused himself to go and change into his uniform. But Hen was certain she saw him take his phone from his pocket, most likely to contact Maddie and moan about not being promoted to Captain and how unjust everything was. Hen, on the other hand, had a terrifying notion about how they would almost certainly blame Buck for Chimney's failure to earn the captain position.

Eddie hadn't reacted much to the news about their new captain, but instead of simply shaking his hand and leaving as Chimney had done, he stood with her and their new captain, making small chat. Eddie had sensed the man's aura, which shouted armed forces at him, and had enquired about him. Not to delve into his past in the same way that Chimney had done with him but in a respectful manner. Ellis laughed and openly revealed to have been in the Air Force and was a former fighter pilot before retiring and joining the fire department. He frankly stated that a bad ejection had caused him a lot of trouble, therefore he had been discharged. Ellis also acknowledged reviewing all of their files to learn about their backgrounds and skills, and he told Eddie that he knew he was a former Army medic, and that if he ever wanted to talk about anything, his door was always open. Hen noticed Eddie stop slightly at that statement, but he nodded and thanked him before leaving for the locker room to change.

That shift had been interesting. Chimney had attempted to take charge of a few calls, but Ellis had put him in place, initially lightly, clearly anticipating that he would have some difficulties taking over a new station. However, by the fourth time Chimney tried, he had disciplined him and assigned him to be the man behind for the rest of the shift until he realised that, as much as he respected and understood that having a new captain and learning how he worked was strange, he was now their Captain and he needed to show him the same respect that he had shown him.

Hen noticed the impact of a new Captain on the station over time. Things went a lot more smoothly, and anything that needed to be replaced was done swiftly. No matter the cost. A new oxygen pump valve for their tanks, at least six of which were on their way out, a replacement belt for the chainsaw that was virtually split in half (Buck had informed Bobby about this before he went, more than once), and much more.

It appeared that Bobby had not bothered to replace anything Buck had told him about, and Ellis had noted how useful it had been to find a complete list of items that needed to be fixed in his office. It had been tucked away in a drawer as if it weren't important. Hen had seen the list and knew it was in Buck's hands, along with what could wait and what needed to be replaced right soon. Throughout the time he had been left behind on calls, he had prepared a list of everything that needed to be replaced as he discovered it, and he had attempted to convey this to Bobby, who had not listened.

The fact that Bobby had not approved new oxygen pump valves scared her. That was an essential piece of equipment, and the fact that so many of them required replacement demonstrated Buck's thoroughness. Ellis stated that the valves had begun to leak and that even the mechanics had missed it, but it could have been fatal for any firefighter if the valve continued to leak during a fire. Hen couldn't believe Bobby would put their lives in danger because he was angry with Buck.

Hen grew to enjoy working for Ellis over time. Which was strange to admit given everything she had gone through. Ellis was a diligent worker who often helped them with chores rather than hiding in his office or sitting down to relax. He had also listened to them when they expressed concerns, and he had been able to upgrade some of the ambulance technology that she had been asking Bobby about but had been told was not within the budget. And she was not the only one who enjoyed working for Ellis. She overheard many of the others complimenting Ellis on how well things were going with their new captain.

The only unhappy person was Chimney. He frequently complained about any new adjustments Ellis had implemented. Moaned about all the tasks he had to do and mumbled about all the comments he was going to make to Buck when he returned for leaving him to do everything. He also attempted to delegate his responsibilities to other firefighters, but this was quickly rejected. Some had even reported it to Ellis, who summoned Chimney to his office.

Eddie had always admired Ellis as a veteran and a father. One of Ellis' children was born with cerebral palsy and was now twenty-two years old, living a full life as a veterinarian in New York. She had overheard Eddie and Ellis discuss some of the treatments and therapies they had attempted with their daughter, as well as if they could help Christopher. He also appeared happy, even if only slightly.

As she changed into her uniform, she sent Karen the authorised holidays that she had just put in the day before and gave her permission to plan their weekend away. On the night of the art gallery, they talked about booking a weekend trip to Florida with Denny to rest and spend time as a family.  Karen had chosen a great hotel near the beach with a water park, babysitter services for Denny, and a fantastic spa for them to enjoy. She quickly texted her to check whether the hotel was still available and reserve it before they missed their chance.

She then went upstairs to find that a large portion of their shift had already arrived and was eating breakfast. Ellis' wife was a chef, and the freshly prepared breakfast selections on the counter indicated that she had been baking again. Ellis' wife, Ceyjal, was originally from South Africa and enjoyed experimenting with new flavours in her food. In addition, she attempted to incorporate elements of her culture into American cuisine. They had vetkoek, a deep-fried pastry filled with sausage and egg, as well as droewors and biltong for snacks today. As well as some traditional pastries like croissants and pain au chocolat.

Ceyjal would not constantly cook for them, but when she wanted to introduce new items into her restaurant, she would first test them on her husband's team. Not that they were complaining. In some ways, it was better than Bobby's food with more variety. Without Bobby always taking control of the kitchen, others got a chance to cook for them all. Hen had no idea how much Bobby enjoyed having power over the station until he left, and a new captain was appointed.

Liam, who had worked with them for years, was born to Irish parents and knew how to cook, but he was never allowed to.  Ellis had told everyone that if they wanted to cook, they should write their names on a board he had placed on the fridge and make a list of the ingredients they needed to cook the meal. Liam had prepared an excellent slow-cooked lamb stew with fresh soda bread. And he was not the only one. They all took turns cooking for one another, and on days when no one was scheduled to cook, they would either order takeaway or prepare their own meals.

The new rules were working well, except for Chimney, who complained about everything and everyone's cooking. After his fifth complaint, someone told him that if he didn't like the cooking, he could bring his own food. Which he had started doing. However, Hen knew that Chimney hadn't made the food he brought, it was Maddie's cooking and would often want to reheat it while someone else was cooking or using the kitchen. To be honest, Hen didn't understand what his problem was. It was as if he were an older toddler flinging his toys out of his pram because he didn't get his way.

As she reached the bench, Liam who was busy filling up people's coffee cups handed her her coffee cup and she managed to grab one of one of the vetkoek before sitting down at the table to eat. She heard the distinctive sound of Chimney stomping into the station as she took a bite of the amazing food. But no one seemed to notice the behaviour anymore since they had grown accustomed to Chimney arriving in a foul mood. The man was still upset over not being named captain. But Hen didn't care anymore, he could do what he wanted as he seemed to never want to listen to her anymore.

Chimney and Eddie both came up the stairs together ten minutes later; she had seen Eddie come into the parking lot shortly after her and assumed he had been caught up with something as he had stayed in his car for some time after arriving. However, as soon as he reached the top, Eddie grabbed his coffee and sat next to her at the table, bringing out his phone as if he were waiting for a call or something important.

Hen, on the other hand, didn't ask as she had learnt from Emma the importance of respecting boundaries and giving people the opportunity to approach her rather than attempting to intervene and fix matters for others. Karen mentioned that she had a propensity to try to fix others before allowing them the opportunity to work on their own problems. So she promised herself and Karen that she would not try to help her friends unless they asked for it or if they were at risk of hurting themselves by not taking action.

Hen observed closely as Chimney stomped into the kitchen, muttering something under his breath, while the others gave him a wide berth.  They had all heard about Maddie's arrest at Buck's old flat, which he had rented out to another firefighter. Hell, Chimney had initially called her to ask for her help in getting Maddie out of jail or asked about borrowing money from a better lawyer. She had told him that she couldn't help him, which he didn't take well. Karen was the one who took her phone and ended the call after hearing Chimney rant and rave about what had happened.

Chimney told her that Buck hadn't broken his rent but had instead rented out his flat without Maddie's approval, which apparently, she thought she had the right to control because she was his sister. But thinking over everything, Hen kicked herself for thinking that Buck was simply renting his apartment, she hadn’t even asked him if he had brought it or rented it. And if Buck was openly renting his apartment to another firefighter without the worry of getting told off for subletting, then he must have owned it outright. It kind of made sense now that Buck would remain in a place that he had gotten while he was still dating Ali even after they had broken up.

But, outside of the station, she couldn't say much about what Buck did on his days off or what he did before arriving in Los Angeles. Sure, he'd mentioned having odd jobs in the past and dropping out of college when he was younger, but most of what she knew came from Maddie rather than Buck and she certainly couldn't believe what Maddie said about him after everything she had done. However, she couldn't fully blame Maddie or Buck for not getting to know him better; Hen knew that she could have tried harder to become a better friend.

But knowing that Buck was renting out his flat gave her some optimism that he wasn't completely done with LA. If he decided to leave Los Angeles, he could have easily placed his flat up for sale and sold it for a decent amount. But he had not. Instead, he rented it to another firefighter Hen knew was seeking somewhere to live. She'd met Kyle on a couple of calls but hadn't chatted with him much. That was generally Buck's responsibility. The kid loved to talk to other firefighters and had heard that Kyle was looking for a place to live. She was very proud of him for doing that, but she secretly hoped that because he hadn't sold the property, he would return, and she could concentrate on begging for his forgiveness. But she knew she couldn't make Buck forgive her and would understand if he never spoke to her again. But she wanted to be able to ask for his forgiveness.

“What’s the matter with you?” Hen asked as Chimney flopped himself down in the chair next to them with his own cup of coffee. Hen knew that Chimney had been busy working on Maddie’s up-and-coming court case trying to get her off the chargers. However, Hen knew that with all the evidence that the police had on her, she was unlikely to get off even with Chimney believing that he could get her off.

Hen knew deep down that if Maddie admitted what she had done and apologised, she may get a reduced sentence, but according to Athena, Maddie would not accept responsibility for her acts. Which was only making matters worse. Maddie had assaulted a police officer, which was terrible enough, but because she was a former nurse and 911 operator, she was held to a higher standard than the average person. However, Maddie believed that because she was held to a higher standard, she could do whatever she pleased.

Karen described Maddie best. She had called her an outgrown selfish child who was upset because she couldn't get her way. She also claimed that Maddie believed she had authority over her younger brother just because she was older. Karen pulled her aside once and asked if Buck had told her what it was like growing up with Maddie. She had previously dismissed Karen's questions, but now she loathed herself for failing to understand Karen's line of questioning. She had been asking if she ever thought Maddie had ever abused Buck, and she had dismissed it.

Knowing what she understood now about Maddie's obvious control issues and entitlement, she would have questioned it as well. Maddie attempted to report Buck missing or have him declared incompetent to get greater control over his life only proved that. Hell, she believed she had the right to control what Buck did with his home. Buck was better off without her in his life, and she could only hope that Buck would stay away from the witch of a woman.

"Nothing," Chimney murmured as he flipped through his phone.

"Ok…" Hen said, not wanting Chimney to believe that she wanted him to tell her more because she didn't care. If Chimney wanted to defend the woman, he could do so alone.  She had noticed on his phone screen that he was switching from texting Maddie to emailing the lawyer he had hired for her case.

"Everybody, can I have your attention?" Captain Ellis' voice broke the silence, causing everyone to gaze in his direction. Ellis nodded to everyone and gave them a warm smile as he often did. The man had been a breath of fresh air in the station, doing so much to help them that everyone liked having him as captain, except for Chimney.

"What does he want now?" Chimney murmured under his breath, putting his phone on the table with a huff.

"Chimney enough," Hen mumbled, not looking at him.

"I'm just saying he's acting like he's in charge," Chimney countered, scoffing and shaking his head as he folded his arms and leaned back in his chair as if he didn't care.

"That's because he is," Hen replied quietly, trying not to draw attention to them as the room fell silent.

"Only until Bobby comes back," Chimney murmured before turning to face their Captain, who was busy summoning the others who had just arrived to come upstairs for his announcement.

Hen sighed and closed her eyes briefly. As much as she liked Bobby as a person (something she had recently questioned), in retrospect he wasn't the best Captain in the world. She knew Bobby was an accomplished firefighter, but as a Captain, he wasn't the right fit. Bobby seemed to prefer to work with people he considered friends or those he could shape into anything he desired. And he had a clear problem with people who didn't fit in with his vision or argued back against his changes.

What happened to Sal Deluca should have raised a red flag for everyone, but she didn't want to lose a Captain who had stood up for her. Sal may have disobeyed orders, but he did it to save a life. Sure, he defied Bobby's orders, but he used all of his expertise to save that life and escape safely. But Bobby hadn't cared, instead of disciplining him or bringing him to his office for a professional discussion, Bobby had simply fired him.

That should have been a red flag to them all; Bobby had just fired Sal for not only disobeying his orders but also defending his actions. Sure, Gerrad was the worst type of captain, but he always let them do their jobs. Sal even fought with Chimney about why Bobby believed he had the authority to modify things simply because it wasn't his way. Bobby subsequently revealed to her that he had spoken with the Chief to suspend Sal rather than fire him and then place him in another station. However, throughout the lawsuit, she had learnt from station gossip that Sal had finally admitted the truth of what had happened.

Buck wasn't the first person who threatened to sue the department because of Bobby. Sal had gone to the department and the union immediately after Bobby fired him and threatened to sue if they did not intervene, as Bobby could not simply terminate him without a history of disciplinary action. It was how he was able to reclaim his job so swiftly; he had not been suspended, but rather given paid leave until a position became available at another firehouse.

Back then, she hadn't given it much thought. Sal had not been as cruel to her as some of the older 118, but he also did not defend her. Maybe that's why she didn't object to Bobby's conduct at the time. Same with Tommy's departure. Neither of them had made her life easier or better, so she didn't care. However, those red flags should have aroused some suspicions in her, as should the fact that Bobby had essentially cleaned house with all of the former personnel, except a few who decided to stay or over whom Bobby had no control. Hen had assumed that many of them disliked the shift and wanted to move on, but now she wonders whether it was due to Bobby's pushy, no-holds-barred approach.

Then there was the relationship between Bobby and Buck. It wasn't until Buck had left that she and Karen had talked about it, that she realised the connection would have been healthy for both of them if they didn't work together. Bobby had lost his family and had felt a connection grow with Buck, who had come to them broken from his own family problems. And Buck seemed to enjoy having a father role in his life. Bobby had been the one to teach Buck how to cook, which the young man had never learnt before. He had always been eager to offer Buck any counsel or care he needed.

However, there should have been a line between them when it came to work. In their line of business, there had to be a distinction between Captains and their crew. And, while the lines for everyone near Bobby were a touch wavy, none of them were as blurry as the lines between Buck and Bobby. Those lines had been blurred for quite some time, which could be the source of the problem. Bobby had taken on that fatherly role over Buck so much that couldn't separate it anymore.

Sure, Buck enjoyed his fatherly relationship with Bobby, but it was ultimately detrimental to both of them. Bobby had attempted to protect Buck from harm and thereby prevented him from working, which he had no right to do. He couldn't tell the difference between Buck the kid he loved as his own and Buck the well-trained and experienced firefighter.

That was the problem; nevertheless, Captain Ellis had no trouble separating his emotions from his people. Sure, the man cared for them, but he always maintained a professional demeanour around them. He respected and engaged with them, but he always maintained a gap that Hen respected and understood. He had to remain in charge, and a good leader understood the importance of remaining professional in their field. Just as it should have been with Bobby.

Hen was brought back into the room as Captain Ellis indicated for a man she had not spotted to step forward. The man appeared young, but she could tell he only had a baby face and was an experienced firefighter. He was tall, slightly taller than Buck, but not by much, with pale skin and ginger thick hair. His arms were covered in tattoos that, from where she sat, appeared to be religious; she could see a cross on his forearm and could only assume that the rest of his tattoos included spiritual artwork.

"I'd like you all to meet our new firefighter, Declan O'Brien who is joining us," Captain Ellis remarked, smiling and nodding to the man.

Hen was surprised that Ellis had brought a new firefighter into the station; he hadn't changed anything inside the station other than acquiring the necessary equipment. Sure, they were still one firefighter short because many of the replacements sent in could only cover a few shifts with them before returning to their own station. However, she felt that the station wasn't complete without Buck. But, in practice, she recognised that working with a firefighter down was not good for the crew in the long term. They needed another firefighter, but it seemed like they were replacing Buck.

She was aware that Buck might never return to them and entirely accepted him if he chose not to, but bringing in another firefighter felt like they were forgetting about him. She knew Buck had felt this way while recovering, which was one of the reasons he filed a lawsuit against the station. However, Buck left of his own volition this time, so she hoped that if he ever discovered that they had brought in another person, he would not believe they were replacing him again.

"Declan has just qualified as a heavy rescue firefighter and has worked for the LAFD for six years after retiring from the US Marines." Ellis began to explain, and Hen realised from that sentence that he would most likely be assigned as Eddie's new partner.

She felt herself stiffen slightly and turned to see Eddie's reaction, hoping that he handled the news better than Buck did when Eddie first introduced to them. What startled her was Eddie's apparent lack of concern.

"He will be working alongside you Eddie as your new partner if that is ok?" Ellis enquired, turning his attention to Eddie this time.

Hen watched Eddie process the news, but it appears that Eddie didn't care that he was receiving a new partner, as he had expected one to be brought in with Buck's departure without a return date set. Hen only thought that because the man was ex-force, Eddie might be able to work well with him.

"Ok," Eddie replied, nodding his head.

"Good, I'll let you two introduce yourselves, but Deputy Chief Muller has just arrived and would like to speak with you all," Captain Ellis stated, and at that moment, everyone heard a car pull up in front of the station. Hen could only assume that the car was Muller's on his way to meet with them.

"Why is he here?" Chimney mumbled fiercely as if he was upset that the Chief had come to talk to them without knowing what he wanted. Bobby normally interfered with the brass and them, which could explain why Chimney believed he was untouchable. However, she didn't want to lose another firefighter and wanted to advise Chimney to keep his mouth shut if he knew what was best for him.

However, Declan had already approached them before Hen could tell him that. He appeared anxious, but Hen could tell the man was confident in his abilities. She knew what it was like to move to a new station where she knew no one. Declan must be concerned about how he would fit in, but Ellis had informed them that he was an experienced firefighter who wanted to learn more because he had recently received his qualification.

"Eddie, right?" Declan enquired; his gaze fixed on Eddie.

"Yer, nice to meet you," Eddie replied, extending his hand for Declan to shake, which he did with a warm smile.

"After this meeting, do you mind walking through where all of the equipment is stored in the vehicle?" Declan smiled as he questioned, "I know some stations do things differently."

Hen knew Declan was right; she remembered Buck moaning once about how all of the equipment they carried for big rescues wasn't put back the way he liked it when he returned from a holiday. Buck had his own system, and one shift he explained to Hen that the way the LAFD had their kits lined up was completely incorrect and that the way he arranged it up allowed him to get the equipment out faster without having to go through bags and boxes for what he needed. Buck's method of organising the vehicle appears to have caught on, as she has observed numerous heavy rescue teams begin sorting their kit in the same fashion.

She had questioned Buck as to why nothing had been done about it; if it troubled him so much and made more sense, shouldn't the department modify things?  Buck simply shrugged his shoulders and stated that he had brought it up with them and had even filed a complaint with Bobby for the training school, but nothing had been done about it.

Hen got an odd feeling that Buck's report had not been disregarded, but rather never sent. And if Bobby had hidden the report for whatever reason, it would have made sense why Buck's ideas hadn't been addressed. She couldn't think of a decent reason for him to do that, but she couldn't help but wonder if he had done anything similar before to Buck. Had he tried to improve things only for Bobby to stop him?

"Sure," Eddie answered, nodding and motioning Declan to take the unoccupied seat next to him.

"Thanks," Declan said, lowering himself into the seat and directing his gaze to the Chief, who had just arrived at the top of the stairs.

However, before they all stood to attention, Muller waived them off before turning to face them all. "Sorry for interrupting your morning but I have a few announcements for you all that couldn't wait." Muller began, and Hen couldn't help but feel the hairs on her arms stand up. Something had happened, and Muller appeared to be upset with them or something in general. She only prayed that whatever had happened was not too horrible.

"First…" Muller began again as he wiped his throat, "I wanted to congratulate you Declan on your certificates and achievement of the third-highest score in the academy's records." At his words, everyone clapped in applause.

Hen found that comment peculiar; she was aware that most academies kept records of the top scores on some of the courses, and she understood that if Declan had beaten the third highest, he must have impressed everyone. But it did raise a question: who were the other two highest scorers?

Muller then returned his attention to the room of firefighters in front of him, but this is when Hen saw something. It wasn't the actual reason he'd come to meet with them. "I would like to also take this opportunity to inform Mr O'Brien that his position here at the 118 will become a permanent one following Firefighter Buckley's resignation from the department."

The room went silent.

Hen couldn't believe what she'd just heard, but she wasn't entirely surprised. They hurt Buck so badly that perhaps stepping away from everything had told him that he needed to leave for his own peace of mind. And she held him in high regard for it. She never wanted to hurt Buck, but she knew she had. Thinking about the old 118 reminded her that she was no better than Sal and Tommy. She'd seen Buck get hurt and done nothing about it.

"What?" Hen heard Eddie mumble, and as she turned, she saw the sadness and pain written all over his face. It was evident to her that Eddie had not expected this to happen.

She was aware that Eddie and Buck's friendship may have progressed beyond the level of best friends. Eddie relied heavily on Buck, and they operated more like partners in a family context than just friends. However, when asked if they were dating or in a relationship, they consistently denied it. But Hen was aware of a few instances in which others had commented on how cute their family was whenever they were spotted with Christopher. And they didn't always correct them.

But after the lawsuit, their relationship had been seriously damaged and Eddie had hung onto that grief; if she was honest with herself, Eddie was barely acknowledging Buck's presence at all. He simply pretended Buck didn't exist in his life anymore. That what they had meant nothing to him anymore.

Eddie clearly understood from the assistance he was receiving that, while his emotions were justified, he couldn't direct all of his rage at someone who had done so much to him. She had overheard Eddie telling someone on the phone one day that he had wanted to talk to Buck and explain why he had acted the way he had, but that was now impossible until Buck contacted them.

"He can't do that!" Chimney snapped, grabbing his phone as if he wanted to rush out and call Maddie to tell her what Buck had done.

Hen, on the other hand, was more concerned about Eddie than about Chimney's opinion. She had come to realise that if Buck wanted to speak with her, she would always leave the door open, but with Eddie, she was concerned that the news would simply shatter him.

"Look, I know this is a shock," Ellis stated loudly, and Hen noted that others had begun to discuss the news in quiet talks. Many of them expected Buck to come back and were as surprised as they were when he didn't. "But we all need to respect Firefighter Buckley's decision."

"Captain Ellis is correct," Muller remarked, slightly increasing his voice. "Firefighter Buckley has every right to resign from the department if that is his wish." He added.

But before anybody else could comment, Muller cleared his throat slightly, "However, the true reason I've come to speak to you is that it has come to my knowledge that there have been a few incidents here that have previously gone unresolved. I am here to make it plain that any bullying and abuse will not be allowed in this department. If I learn of any abuse or bullying directed towards Buckley or another firefighter, those involved will be reprimanded accordingly."

The whole room fell silent once more.

Hen suddenly realised why Muller had structured his remarks the way he had. There was a good chance that Buck had mentioned the bullying that he had suffered in his resignation or the gossip about his treatment must have finally reached the higher-ups. Chimney shifted slightly in his seat in response to that comment, and she could tell he was nervous. He was concerned that Buck had told the department about his involvement in the bullying.

"Maddie is going to kill him," Chimney said quietly that Hen had almost missed it.

"If anyone is struggling with bullying or would like to talk to someone then please reach out to Captain Ellis or our HR department," Muller concluded nodding towards Ellis, who was standing silently behind the Chief. Muller nodded to them with a final sigh, "That is all, have a safe shift and be careful out there."

After a brief exchange between Ellis and Muller, Muller immediately left the station. However, in the loft, no one really moved from their places, they were all so shocked by Buck's departure that they didn't know how to handle the news. To her, losing Buck felt like losing a part of her family, and she knew she wasn't alone. The fact that there was no way to contact him added to the gravity of the issue. It was as if Buck had died, and they would never see him again. In some ways, she'd only be able to see him again if he reached out.

"Look…" Ellis' voice called out, directing their focus back to him. "I understand this is a shock, and if you need a few minutes to collect your thoughts, take your time. If you believe you are unable to continue with the shift, then please let me know." Ellis stated.

However, after a few minutes of silence, he continued. "Eddie if you are ok to show Declan around when you are ready?"

Eddie nodded but did not speak. Eddie was struggling with the news of Buck's departure but like normal, Eddie didn't want to admit that he was finding it hard to control his emotions. Eddie closed his eyes for a brief minute and attempted to calm his breathing. Hen had begun to worry that he was about to suffer a panic attack, but he then opened his eyes. However, Hen could see the agony in his eyes. He appeared broken.

"Okay, now when you're ready, complete your chores. I'll be in my office, but my door is always open if anyone wants to talk," Ellis said before turning and walking to his office.

Most of the others left after a few minutes to either converse privately or do their own duties. However, Hen had not moved, nor had Eddie, Declan, or Chimney. They appeared to be frozen in place in their chairs. Declan, she believed, had just stayed for Eddie. But when she glanced at him, she realised he must have picked up something she had overlooked. Declan, as a veteran like Eddie, must have observed something she had overlooked with Eddie and was concerned about it, judging by the look on his face.

"I can't believe him, how dare he?" Chimney exploded. "I'm phoning Maddie; she has to know this. She needs to make him fix this!" And with that, he shot up, grabbed his phone, and stormed away. Hen truly wanted to stop him and tell him that Maddie couldn't make Buck do anything, but she realised she was wasting her breath. Chimney wouldn't listen to her; it was as if he believed Maddie could fix everything related to Buck. As if she had control over him.

However, given what had happened recently, it was evident to everyone was aware of the situation that Maddie believed she was entitled to control all that rightfully belonged to Buck. His apartment, his money, his livelihood and every decision that he was free to make. However, Hen couldn't help but smile at the image on Maddie's face when she found out Buck had left her and found herself chuckling a little at the thought of her attempting to track down Buck to force him to do what she wanted. But Hen had a suspicion that Buck had put measures in place to ensure that she couldn't find him. And she knew Athena wouldn't help her.

They had met for coffee a few days after Buck left and talked a lot. Mostly about Buck. They talked for a long time about what they could have done better, but it was pointless because they couldn't undo the past. However, it was made obvious during the conversation that Athena was not going to go looking for Buck. Not for Maddie or for herself. She had stated that she had to respect Buck's decision to leave and that as much as it grieved her to think of him out there alone with no support, she had to respect him enough to leave him alone if that was what he wanted. She was not going to impose herself on him and make him hate her more.

"Who's Maddie?" Declan enquired innocently.

Hen groaned and, to be honest, understood Declan's curiosity about the whole thing. "Buck's sister," Hen explained, rubbing her hand over her face. She didn't want to bring Declan into an issue he wasn't a part of because, to be honest, dragging anyone into their mess wouldn't be good for them.

"Wow," Declan replied, shaking his head. "He made it sound like she was his mother or something," Declan responded with a shrug.

"She tries to act like she is sometimes," Eddie murmured.

They became silent once more; Hen had not expected Eddie to openly declare that he had observed Maddie try to act like Buck's mother rather than his older sister. She had taken over Buck's recovery following the blast, without a second thought. Like she had every right to. Hen knew Buck had listed Bobby and Eddie on his medical records as his next of kin and power of attorney, but Maddie had taken control over everything, declaring that as Buck's sister, she had the right to control what happened to her brother. Maddie had demanded that any decisions regarding Buck's health go through her first.

Even the ones that Buck made himself. She had overheard one of the nurses gossiping about a fight that had supposedly occurred between Maddie and Buck one day while he was still admitted after the bombing. It had something to do with Buck making decisions for himself that Maddie had disagreed with. According to what they said, it had gotten so loud that security had to be summoned, and Maddie had been asked to leave. The nurses were perplexed by the whole situation because the dispute had been over physiotherapy and how Buck had requested to begin earlier than scheduled, as well as confirmation that he may utilise his own physio to help him train more for his line of work. Buck's doctors had approved it after hearing the name of the physio and were happy with Buck's ideas and had authorised his new recovery plan.

That was what made Maddie so upset; she didn't want him to start physio until she believed that he was completely healed, which was silly because staying inactive would have delayed his recovery. Maddie, as a nurse, knew that. But she did not care. She had demanded that the doctor cancel Buck's physio appointment and force him to abandon his plans. But stupidly she had done so right in front of Buck who had told her to knock it off and to leave. Buck had made it clear that day that she had no control over what his recovery looked like and had even told his doctor that he wanted to block any access to his medical records that Maddie may have.

Sadly, however, that hadn’t stopped an ER doctor from mentioning that overworking or training too much could have been the cause of his blood clot which had basically been the whole start of the lawsuit. She hadn’t heard much about what had happened to that doctor but Karen who had a friend in the hospital admin had mentioned that he had been disciplined for speaking to someone without the patient’s consent and had been made to take some training to stop it happening again.

"You know, all of my instructors on the heavy rescue courses talk about Buckley," Declan stated casually. However, his remark piqued her interest, as did Eddie's astonished expression. "It was always Buckley this and Buckley that; they made him seem like a legend. He holds the top place, and no one has come close to surpassing it." Declan explained with a laugh as if he couldn't believe he'd met folks who were said to be heavy rescue legends.

"What? That is not possible..." Eddie began to speak but suddenly stopped like he couldn’t finish his own sentence.

Buck was an experienced firefighter and one of the best heavy rescue firefighters she'd ever worked with. But Declan's claim that he was the best in the department's history was shocking. Bobby had never boasted about it to them, as he had done with Eddie when he first joined the station; he had introduced Eddie as a veteran with a silver star. She had seen Eddie cringe at the comment but had failed to correct it. But Bobby loved to brag about how he had stolen Eddie from another house and how fortunate Eddie had consented to join them as if he was superior to all other firefighters.

She was aware that a few of the others had not taken it well; Bobby seemed to like showing Eddie off. Which was stupid now that she knew that Buck held more qualifications than Eddie. But back then, Buck hadn't corrected Bobby. Then again, that was the type of person Buck was, he was not one to talk about his own accomplishments. Buck despised calling attention to himself and preferred it when others took the spotlight; but, demonstrating that he had the necessary training to complete his job could have stopped Bobby from questioning Buck's ideas or actions.

"It is," Declan remarked, shrugging his shoulders and continuing. "One of the instructors said he was the best heavy rescue firefighter they had ever worked with, and the class after he left was radically transformed by Buckley's ideas. One of them stated that his ideas had saved many lives," Declan explained.

"Really?" Hen enquired, still a little stunned. Declan clearly understood more about Buck than she did, despite having known him for more than three years.

"Yer, one of my instructors on the rope rescue said he had known him for years and that if I ever got to work with Bomber then I would learn a lot." Declan swiftly continued, "He said that Bomber, or Buck as you call him, was someone you always wanted on your back, and the man was a former Navy Seal who lost his leg in an ambush. So, you know when he says he has your back, you can believe him without hesitation."

As Declan finished, Hen became increasingly unsure whether she genuinely knew who Buck was. She was aware that, despite his Army training, Eddie lacked certain qualifications because he was unable to attend the training weeks.

"They called him Bomber?" Eddie asked a little shaken. To Hen, the name appeared to have triggered a memory that Eddie was not prepared for. As if he'd heard it somewhere before but the memory surrounding it was not a nice one.

"I'm not sure where that came from, like. Some called him Bomber, while others called him Buckley or Buck. But they were all discussing the same guy." Declan explained, then rose to his feet as if he was finished with the chat, or perhaps he knew he had revealed too much. "I'm going to grab a drink, you want one?" Declan questioned Eddie.

 Eddie murmured, "No, I'm fine," as Declan nodded and walked away to get a drink from the fridge.

As he walked away, Hen's gaze fell on Eddie, who remained silent, his face hard and emotionless. It was as if he was struggling to pull himself together; his breathing was almost rhythmic as if he was concentrating too hard on his breathing to keep it normal.

"Are you ok?" Hen asked quietly. She didn't want to compel Eddie to talk, but she was concerned that he had experienced so many emotions in such a short period of time.

Eddie's voice seemed empty to her. "Yer…fine."

"Eddie…" Hen began to say something, but Eddie's hard look stopped her in her tracks.

"What do you want me to say Hen?" Eddie snapped. "My best friend is gone for good and now I have to work out how to tell my son that he isn't coming back, and it is all my fault," Eddie added, forcing himself to his feet as Declan began to return towards them.

"Eddie, you know that's not true," Hen explained, but she didn't believe her own words. They'd all hurt Buck, so Eddie carrying all the burden on himself was wrong.

"Yes, it is Hen; we all hurt him, and now he's gone. We have to accept it," Eddie stated firmly as if pushing himself to say what he had been thinking.

But before Hen could continue to protest, Eddie interrupted, "No, Hen. We blamed him for our own mistakes because it was easier than admitting that we are not perfect." Eddie turned to see Declan looking uneasy as he approached them and interrupted a conversation in which he was not a participant.

"Ready to go?" Eddie requested before proceeding to the stairs, and Declan simply followed him.

"Eddie…" Hen cried out, leading Eddie to stop at the top of the steps and turn to face her. "I'm here if you need to talk," she added softly.

Eddie paused a little before nodding, and Hen saw the pain of what had just transpired flash briefly in his eyes before his mask covered them again. And then he walked Declan down to the floor to show him where all their equipment was stored and maintained, leaving Hen alone.

She sighed and leaned back in her chair; everything was such a mess. She could feel the sadness in Muller's voice as he announced Buckley's resignation and understood that losing Buck would hurt not only the 118 but the entire department, and according to Declan, Buck was a valuable member of the LAFD. Muller was clearly unhappy at losing Buck, but he respected him enough not to refuse his departure.

The 118 wouldn't be the same without Buck's presence, and a great hole in her life would never be filled, but Hen was also proud of Buck for standing up for himself. He had found a new place for himself in the world; she wished it was with them in Los Angeles, but she recognised that there was simply too much hurt for him here. She prayed that wherever he was, he was safe and building a better life for himself.

Chapter Text

Buck was quite embarrassed of himself for what he had done upon returning from the beach. If he could, he would simply curl up into a ball in the darkest room he could locate and wait for death. But he knew it was impossible. As much as he didn't want to face the outside world, he knew that his brothers and people who loved him were not going to let him give up.

However, he was still very embarrassed of himself for losing control. He had worked so hard to build his barriers and control his emotions that he allowed some to seep through to appear human, as Steve once put it. However, seeing Caleb again prompted the gaps in his barriers to begin to disintegrate. He remembered Doctor Copeland telling him that he needed to find an outlet for his feelings and focus on dealing with what he had gone through. However, he had the impression that what he did was not what Doctor Copeland was thinking of.

After walking away from Caleb and leaving his ex on the beach, he felt stuck in a bubble of emotions. As he proceeded towards Steve's house, he felt his skin begin to heat and tremble, as if his emotions were pressing against his skin, threatening to burst. He had no idea how to handle this, and he could feel tears welling up in his eyes as he moved to enter Steve's home. He knew he was beginning to panic; how could he not?

His ex had stood directly in front of him, looking like a Greek god and flawless. He looked gorgeous, healthy, and well. Of course, he was pleased with it, but it killed him. Caleb appeared to be in control of his life, whereas his had fallen apart. He was constantly aware that he was unworthy of him. He knew he was well out of his league, but he couldn't help but fall madly in love with him. To this day, he still loves him.

Buck's heart rate increased as he entered Steve's back garden. He felt like he was running a marathon as he attempted to force more air into his lungs. He knew he was on the verge of a panic attack, but he couldn't control it. As he reached for Steve's backdoor handle, his arm began to shake. His entire system was saturated with adrenaline. He wanted to run without stopping. He couldn't believe what was happening; it was as if his body had just been through a trauma or that he was in grave danger. But he had no idea why he was acting this way; no one was going to harm him. No one would, not with Steve and Sam present.

After a few long breaths, he was finally able to pull himself into Steve's home. The sinking light had illuminated the area, which was now beginning to produce shadows. There were no lights on except one in the living room. He hadn't noticed the sun setting when he left Caleb on the beach, but he had no idea how long he had spent sitting on the sand, trying to figure out what to do with his life. It was only made worse by seeing his ex.

As he made his way into his brother's house, he could hear the low sound of Steve's television, indicating that his brother was still awake. As he came through the threshold into the living room, he noticed Steve sitting on the couch almost to the edge of it, seeming to have been watching TV rather than looking into the garden, as he knew he had been.

That's when he completely lost it. Buck could feel all the fury and pain that had been building up inside of him finally bursting forth the instant their eyes connected. Fortunately, no one else was home, or Buck knew he would have fled in humiliation for how he acted. He had yelled at him, telling him that just because he claimed he wanted closure did not mean he wanted to be ambushed on the beach. He had gone there to figure out what he wanted to do with his life, not to relive his darkest memories in only a few seconds. He knew what Steve had tried to do, and he had essentially asked for closure so Steve had just done what he had asked. But he never expected him to go through with it this way.

He had looked for Caleb when he initially got to Los Angeles, he knew that he was just curious about what his ex was up to, but he had merely googled his name to see if there had been any updates on what he was doing or if he had found what he was looking for. However, Caleb had never been a fan of social media, he never had Instagram or Twitter. It was then that Buck remembered that Caleb had confessed one drunken night that he formerly had a Facebook page but never posted any images of himself there, so he had attempted to locate it, but it looked to have been deleted.

He spent nearly 10 minutes ranting at his brother, not giving him a chance to defend himself or caring about his excuse. He had crossed the boundary. He had assumed that his brother respected him enough not to force him to face something he wasn't ready for it. When he told Steve that he wanted closure, he intended to speak with Doctor Copeland about how to handle the meeting when it occurred. But Steve had gone ahead and planned the meeting, which felt more like an ambush to him. He had trusted Steve to keep him safe, and seeing his brother sit there as if his world hadn't just been turned upside down exacerbated the situation.

Buck kept yelling until his voice became horsey. Then he hurried himself upstairs and into his room. He didn't mean to, but he slammed his door and threw himself onto his bed. He did not want to feel this way; he thought he was healing. He assumed he was getting better, but perhaps he wasn't. Maybe he was just masking his emotions, and they sat there waiting for something to happen to make him relapse. He simply wanted his pain to stop.

His head hurt from all the shouting he'd done. His mind was working overtime, reevaluating everything he had thought and done. He hated himself for yelling at his brother and hurting him. He knew Steve had only been trying to help him and achieve the closure he sought. Sure, his brother had planned this disaster thinking he was helping him, but Steve was only human, he could make mistakes, and he couldn't hold it against him, not after everything he had done for him already.

He cried himself to sleep that night, but not with just angry tears. There was also pain.

He still loved Caleb.

He knew it from the minute his gaze fell on Caleb's face. He had assumed he would have gotten over that by now. But he had not. Seeing Caleb triggered all the emotions he had suppressed since Caleb's departure. He had never loved anyone like him, and when he left, he knew he would never love anyone the same way again.

Hell, he had promised himself never to date or love again after experiencing the pain that Caleb had caused. But he had broken his promise, hoping to find love again. First with Abby, then with Ali. But they all blew up in his face. He had hoped that simply sleeping around would fill the need that Caleb had left, but they meant nothing to him. He even threw up the first few times he slept with someone other than Caleb.

It was why he had stayed with women, thinking that he needed to stop dating men altogether to get over his ex, but one night he got so intoxicated that he ended up in the alleyway with the barman. He didn't remember his name, but he resembled Caleb so strongly that he couldn't help himself. Thankfully, he had not said Caleb's name, but he had come close. Thankfully, the guy stated that he was aware that it was a one-night stand, but that if he ever wanted to do it again, he should phone him handing over his number. He hadn't said anything but nodded before starting his walk home. But he hadn't gone far; three streets from the pub, he had to duck into an alley to vomit.

It wasn't that it was bad sex; the guy was clearly experienced, and it was fun, but it felt wrong. He felt like he was cheating on his ex, even though he had been dumped. When he eventually got home, he had spent almost an hour in the shower trying to get the man's scent off him. He realised it wasn't the guy's fault that he couldn't deal with his personal trauma, and he'd been the one to ask if he had a break coming up. But from that day forward, he had sworn off men for good. He also knew he couldn't date a guy since it wouldn't be fair to the other man to give him his entire heart.

But then he met Eddie. The man had expressed thoughts he hoped would never appear again. He also knew he couldn't act on them because he knew Eddie was straight. Eddie would never look at him in the way he wanted to, but he couldn't stay away. Eddie had become his best friend, yet his feelings continued to build. It was so obvious that he was falling in love with his straight closest friend. And then Eddie had cut him out of his life, but his love for him stayed.

He hoped he could have stopped feeling for his best friend, but for some reason, he couldn't. Even before the lawsuit, he could feel Eddie pulling away from him. He assumed that Eddie must have been in a lot of agony after the bombing to be so close to an IED again and the loss of his wife. But he had at least continued to trust him with his son. Chris was everything to him; he treated him as if he were his own, although knowing that he wasn't.

He'd always wanted children. He always wanted a large family if he could, but even as a child, he never imagined it was possible. He and Caleb had talked about having children while they were together and serious. Following a lengthy discussion, they chose to adopt rather than use a surrogate. They both wanted to help children who had had a difficult start.

But, following the bombing, Chris had been his lifeline at that time. He loved the little guy, but he had to let him go after Eddie cut him off. He knew he had no rights over Chris because he was merely an ex-friend of his father, but that was all he was. However, this did not imply that he did not love him. That was why he had written the letter, to ensure that Chris understood he had always loved him.

When he accessed his emails, he discovered that Chris had emailed him, telling him that he had forgiven him and that he still loved him despite his departure. He had cried as he read Chris' words.

He reached out to him, asking him to be brave while still being there for his father, who might be battling with something. He didn't want to tell Chris what he thought his father was going through but hinted enough that he knew that Carla would catch them and be there for them both. He also made sure Chris knew he loved him completely and was always there for him if he needed him.

They had begun to email back and forth ever since. Chris had told him about the school, his father seeing a head doctor like him (something he had started to say when they had tried to explain what a physiotherapist was), and that he had a sleepover with Denny and Harry where they ate so much pizza that they nearly threw up. That made him chuckle and then cry, knowing that he would probably never see Chris again till he was eighteen. But the news that Eddie was getting therapy made him feel a little better.

He was finally getting the help he had been looking for. Even thinking about Eddie rekindled some of his feelings for him, but seeing Caleb again put them on hold as his love for Caleb returned. Buck knew that his feelings for Caleb would always take precedence over his feelings for Eddie, but seeing Caleb again made him wonder if he really loved Eddie or if he was simply drawn to the two men's similarities.

Caleb had looked amazing; he appeared a little older, but not by much. Seeing him again reminded him of the first time he'd seen Caleb, the day Steve introduced him to the team. He appeared hesitant, but Buck saw a spark of mischief in his eyes that suggested to him that they would get along well. But he also sensed something that brought him closer to the man, which he subsequently discovered was an instant attraction. And as time passed, he couldn't stop those feelings from intensifying. He attempted to stay away so he wouldn't disrupt the team dynamic. He loved his brothers too much to put them all at risk by initiating a relationship within the team, but he had failed.

One wild night, he finally allowed himself to fall and succumb to those emotions. They had been stumbling back to Caleb's apartment after getting extremely intoxicated at the pub joking and laughing as they went.

Caleb and he had become the best of friends, or as Steve dubbed them, the terrible two, when they were up to mischief. When they got to Caleb's they had started their usual debate on who was sleeping where. Caleb's studio apartment only one bed. Buck usually slept on the couch, but he had three fractured ribs on their last mission, so Caleb had asked him to take the bed. They had argued for five minutes before Caleb approached him, grabbed his collar, and kissed him firmly.

Buck felt his body stop as Caleb continued the kiss, but he instantly began to break away. Buck could sense Caleb's horror as he took a step back as if he couldn't believe what he'd just done. Buck however didn't want the kiss to end, so without a second thought, he took a step forward and dragged Caleb back into a kiss of his own. Kissing Caleb was easier than breathing. Everything felt like it fell into place when their lips met again.

Soon, they found themselves in a war of their own, each attempting to control the kiss. Buck had never considered how this relationship would work. Buck, however, eventually gave in to Caleb after only a few minutes of fighting. And that's when he discovered something else he liked about Caleb that seemed unusual for a Navy Seal. He enjoyed letting Caleb control him. While they kissed, he felt Caleb manhandle him towards the bed but didn't stop him. He had no idea how it happened, but the next thing he knew, they were in bed together, their clothing strewn across the bed, and had the best night ever.

Buck awoke the next day feeling amazing. He had the best night of his life. He awoke feeling elated. Caleb had been his first. He had never slept with anyone before; he had gone on a few dates, but they had never slept together. Feeling sore reminded him of their time together, and he couldn't believe how wonderful it felt. Laying there in Caleb's bed with his arms wrapped around his waist like he would disappear on him felt right. But he knew it couldn't last; they couldn't be in a relationship. Not without Steve's or the team's approval.

But before he could get out of bed, Caleb woke up and stopped him from leaving. Not without talking to him first, after getting dressed they had sat down to talk. They discussed everything, what was going to happen to the team and what it meant for their brothers if they continued with the relationship.

Caleb had assured him that he would ask for a transfer to another team if it meant they could be together. Caleb had stated that he had fancied him since the beginning and would not give up on what they had together now. They had contacted Steve the following week and asked for permission to date. Something Steve happily gave but not without threatening Caleb a few times.

Buck opened his eyes and knew he had been dreaming of his and Caleb's first encounter and that he was in fact in his bed in Steve's home. And he couldn't help but feel his eyes well up with tears. He'd broken down again, but after crying and feeling sorry for himself for about twenty minutes, he pulled himself out of bed and headed downstairs. He needed to face what he had done the night before and needed to speak to Steve.

He spotted Steve in the kitchen, and when Steve saw him standing in the doorway, still dressed from the night before, he pulled him into a hard hug and apologised repeatedly for messing things up. After that, they had a lengthy discussion about what had happened the night before. Steve had stated that he intended to tell Buck that he had found Caleb and set up a meeting, but he had no idea Joe was just going to drop Caleb off at his house until Joe had messaged him telling him that he had dropped Caleb off at his house before leaving.

That shocked him; he had assumed Joe would be the one to drop him off at Steve's home, but he had no idea he hadn't checked with Steve beforehand was shocking. Buck apologised again for yelling at him, believing he had planned it. Steve had very much ignored his apology, telling him that he didn't blame him for kicking off with him. They had hugged before Steve forced him to eat breakfast and take his meds before settling him down on the couch with him to watch repeats of MacGyver on Steve's TV.

That's when he notified Steve about his resignation from the LAFD. Steve hadn't tried to disguise his enthusiasm and had assured him that he had done the right thing. He was surprised that Steve hadn't questioned him further about why he had done it and whether he had thought it through completely. He then went on to question him why he responded the way he did; he knew Steve wanted him to stay in Hawaii so he could keep an eye on him, but he would never push him or pressure him into doing something he disagreed with.

Steve sighed and drew him into a one-armed embrace, holding him close to his chest while explaining. He explained how stressed he would become when he thought of LA and the firehouse as well as all the times that he had to calm him down before he picked up the phone for his meeting with the Deputy Chief. And that if he had made the decision to leave that plainly topic atmosphere, he would have been very happy for him.

But, before they began another episode, Steve explained that just because he had quit did not mean he wanted him to leave. Buck knew exactly why Steve had said that, he had been worried that his unemployment might cause problems for Steve if he stayed there. He also did not want Steve to believe he was taking advantage of him. But Steve had swiftly dismissed that concept, assuring him that he was his brother and that he could stay as long as he wanted. No questions asked.

That had been a week ago.

One week had passed since his ex returned to his life. Steve had chastised Joe for simply dropping Caleb off at his place as that hadn't been the plan. Only for the older man to tell Steve that he had asked him to find Caleb and bring him to Hawaii. He didn't tell him to keep him away until Bomber was ready.  Buck kind of understood; Joe must have expected Steve would have alerted him of Caleb's arrival, but they couldn't undo the past.

Steve had gone back to work the day after Caleb arrived, leaving Buck in Sam's care. The Governor had called him in on a serious case that he needed him to deal with and Steve couldn’t say no. Michelle, Aidan, and Kamran had already returned to LA as the kids had school. When they had come to say goodbye to him, he had to sit them down and remind them of the importance of education and that they could always come and visit on vacation if they had been good and listened to their parents. Michelle had also made him promise to keep in contact with her, with a little threat that she would happily use her CIA contacts to track him down if he ever thought about disappearing again. And Buck knew that she wasn’t lying.

Sam had essentially stayed with him as Steve clearly didn’t want to leave him alone after what had happened with Caleb. He suspected Steve had told Sam about his outburst, but Sam hadn't chastised him for how he responded, as he had expected. Instead, he forced him to talk about everything that had been on his mind. However, he did not correct him when he mentioned his thoughts or why he exploded the way he did.

Talking to Sam had truly helped him deal with his feelings, but he knew that Sam couldn't stay. He needed to go back to L.A, he had a job and family there, and he couldn't be selfish. Sam’s colleagues and family needed him there but then Sam reminded him that he would be back when he decided to finally listen to what Caleb had to say. Buck remembered Steve's vow to Caleb that if he ever hurt him, no one would locate his body. He had laughed about it at the time, but then he remembered the expressions on all his brothers' faces and knew they were being serious. And he knew that more than likely that vow remained.

He had reassured Sam that he was capable of handling himself and that if things did not go as planned with Caleb, it was fine. All he needed was closure and to understand why their relationship ended. But then he told Sam that he didn't know when he'd be ready to face him, but he'd let him know.

Sam and Buck talked for a while before Sam had to leave. Sam had planned to take a taxi to the airport and mentioned it to Steve when he arrived before their brother had left for work. But Steve had merely chuckled and handed Buck the keys to his truck, explaining that since he planned to meet Kono after lunch to go surfing, it made sense for him to have the truck and drop Sam off at the airport.

Kono messaged him the other day (Steve had previously saved all their phone numbers into his new phone) and asked if he wanted to go surfing at Waikiki Beach, where the waves were supposed to be great. He knew Kono had the day off, so he agreed. But he had a feeling Steve had something to do with it. When he had gotten up, he had noticed that Steve had already loaded his surfboard into the truck, along with some spare fins and a foot leash for use.

He dropped Sam off at the airport and promised that he would keep in contact with him (he also remembered Michelle's warning) and that he would call him when he was ready to meet up with Caleb. Afterwards, he drove directly to the beach and as he parked, he sighed. He wasn't ready to talk to Caleb, not yet. But seeing Kono pull up next to him he drove out Caleb from his mind. He was going to enjoy himself and he did. They spent at least four hours surfing some of the greatest waves he'd seen in a while. Kono had thoroughly loved showing him off to every single one of the surfers she knew while they watched him catch several waves.

And all a while Buck was loving it.

Back in the ocean, catching wave after wave.

It was some of the most fun he'd had in a long time. Being in the ocean, catching some very fantastic waves, he forgot about his troubles since he wanted to avoid overbalancing or placing too much weight on either side of the board and falling. There was also the brotherhood that came with the water, as several other surfers congratulated him on catching a wave or commented on where he had been hiding all this time when he caught a larger wave.

While he was putting away Steve's board, Kono had called him her good luck charm as they hadn't had waves like these in a while. And he did, surfing with Kono had become one of his adventures. Something that Steve was very happy about as he had said that he was happy that he was getting back out there. He didn't understand at the time, but Steve revealed one night that he was relieved to be able to leave the house without being forced to and was enjoying himself.

But today he had plans, so he couldn't go surfing which was a real bummer as the waves according to Kono were some of the best she had ever seen. However, he had promised her that he would head out with her another day when she was off. Kono further told him that a few of the other surfers were asking about him and wanted to know when he would meet up with them again. It was nice to hear that other surfers enjoyed hanging out with him and to be honest, it was nice. They were a lot of fun as well.

Today he had a full day scheduled.

Chin had picked him up early at around 7:30 a.m. after Steve had handed him a backpack full of water, his medications and food in case he got hungry. They had begun to drive to the ranch where Chin had kept his horse. He had promised to try and exercise Chin's friend's horse, who had started acting up after not being worked while his owner was recovering from injury.

Buck was looking forward to riding again, but he was concerned. He asked a lot of questions to Chin on the way there, asking him about the horse, his height, and whether he had any previous issues with other riders.  This wasn't his horse, and he didn't want it to get hurt because of him.

Chin had chuckled at Buck's concern because Steve had told him that Buck was an experienced rider with nothing to worry about. But Chin was a kind man who answered all his queries without making him feel like he was making fun of him. The horse was a five-year-old crimson roan blanket Appaloosa. He stood at least 17 hands (Buck knew that most stood at 16 hands, so he was big for his breed), was kind, and was truly a gentle giant. He had never acted out, but he had a lot of energy, which was causing problems because no one could ride him due to his height or didn't have time to exercise their own horse and then him.

When they arrived at the ranch, Buck's nerves got the best of him. He noticed four horses already out in the field grazing happily, but Chin told him that his and his friend's horses had been kept in for them, so they didn't have to run around catching them. Chin's friend's sister, Meg, who owned the ranch, she was an elderly Hawaiian woman in her fifths with black thick hair tied up in a ponytail underneath a worn cowboy hat, came out to greet them. Buck noticed that as she left the ranch house, she was accompanied by her ancient bloodhound Maluhia who trotted gleefully after her barking a little at them.

She greeted them both cordially and hugged Chin. Meg thanked Buck for assisting with Kāne Nui before directing them to follow her to the barn. She told them that she had already tacked up both horses for them after Chin had texted her telling her that they were on their way. And that she had already gotten the reports of the bridal paths that most of the trails around the ranch were clear for them to use but did warn to avoid the trail that went close to the river as it was flooded in parts due to the rain on the hills.

As they entered the barn, Buck noticed Kāne Nui. Buck fell in love with him the moment he saw him. He was gorgeous. His white markings looked like paint splatter on his crimson coat, with a long mane and tail. Chin explained the meaning of Kāne Nui, which made him laugh as he saw the shocked look on Buck's face. His name essentially translates as Big Man. His name perfectly described him; he was enormous and muscular, but he exuded peacefully.

Meg had properly tacked him up, along with a robust leather breastplate to provide extra saddle support. Kāne Nui stood silently next to Chin's horse, who was yelling at them to hurry up as she felt impatient. Chin shook his head at his horse before passing Buck Kāne Nui's reins and going to grab his own. Buck could not help but rub Kāne Nui's nose while waiting for Chin without thinking. Kāne Nui's nose was incredibly soft, and the gentle giant just stood there looking at him like he was trying to judge him. Buck couldn't explain it but, in that moment, he could feel the link that had just formed between the two, but the only way he could describe it was that he had just met an old friend.

As they led the horses out of the barn, Kāne Nui was clearly happy with the situation and trotted happily behind Buck. Meg grinned and mentioned that Kāne Nui seemed to be taken with him. As they approached the mounting block, Buck waited for Chin to mount his horse before he moved Kāne Nui to the mounting block. However, before he got a chance to move to the block, Meg stopped him and handed Buck a little plastic bag containing what appeared to be sugar cubes, chuckling at the confused look that he sent her.

She explained that even though Kāne Nui was a gentle giant, it was always a good idea to take him some treats in case he needed him to do something that he didn't want to do. Kāne Nui's weakness was sugar cubes, and Meg joked that he had even smashed open his stable door because someone had left the bag in plain sight of him. Buck had not taken her seriously, but as he opened the bag to check the contents, he felt Kāne Nui's mouth on his shoulder, trying to nibble at his shirt and get him to turn so he could get into the bag.

After saying goodbye to Meg, they rode out of the yard up onto the trail that Chin had picked out. Getting back on a horse was terrifying for Buck but as they rode, that fear started to disappear. Kāne Nui didn't seem to mind his worry and was just happy to be out on a ride. Buck found himself laughing out loud as he had to duck to avoid another low-hanging branch that Kāne Nui seemed to find for him. He heard Chin laugh hard when he had to almost hug Kāne Nui's neck to avoid getting hit in the face by a very large branch.

Buck felt more at peace as they continued to ride. They didn't say much as they rode, mostly to avoid disturbing the wildlife around them. Chin gently stopped and pointed things out to Buck, who asked him a million questions about the ecosystem, the wildlife, and whether there were any historic settlements nearby. He'd been reading up on the islands, and Chin seemed impressed with what he learnt as the facts he mentioned had been right. Buck and Kāne Nui rode like old friends, never wanting to stop. Chin had snapped a few photos of them and Buck asked for him to send them to him. Buck had even felt ready to take his first selfie with Kāne Nui and another with Chin and his horse. He had forwarded that one to Steve to show him how he was doing.

But as the clock struck twelve o'clock, Buck realised they needed to go back. As they turned back, Chin finally voiced the question he had plainly been wanting to ask.

"So, I heard Steve is taking you house hunting?" asked Chin.

Buck could not help but laugh at his question. He had been looking for a place to live to rent on the island to give Steve some space and regain some of his freedom for the past few days. However, after a video call with Mr Sanderford, his lawyer, and his accountant, they all advised him that it would be better to buy a house on the island rather than rent it. But purchasing a home required him to deal with all the responsibilities that come with being a homeowner that he wasn't sure he could handle after everything that had happened.

His lawyer had advised him that buying property was a better alternative for him. He had enough money to buy any property outright without a mortgage and cover maintenance and taxes without depleting his savings for the next twenty years. But he hadn't given any thought to whether he'd stay on the island after he got better. He wanted to be close to Steve since his brother was a lifeline he wasn't prepared to cut off. But the prospect of being tied down to another property worried him. Right now, he had no desire to leave Hawaii.

But will he still feel the same in a year? Two years? Five years? Or longer?

He had already discovered a few properties online and visited two of them with his realtor, but even though they were lovely places, they were not for him. One of the properties was a big two-bedroom apartment located in the heart of Honolulu. It was in one of the taller apartment complexes and was stunning. It was extremely modern, but it felt like something from a fashion magazine. Not a home. The other was a residence on the opposite side of the island, near Laie. It was nice, but not to his liking. It was overly fancy in the sense that it was composed of white stone and marble. It screamed money, which he had not liked. He wanted a home, not something that would show others that he was wealthy. He never wanted anyone to know his net worth, as he didn't want to deal with individuals attempting to befriend him to obtain his money. If he was going to buy a house, he wanted it to be his home.

He had scheduled another viewing of a home near Steve's that had been on the market for a while. It was completely private, including its own private beach. It was more expensive than any other house he had looked at and was right on the border of his self-imposed budget. However, the sale of the property included a vast plot of land, which piqued his curiosity. He had requested his lawyer, who had a friend who worked in Hawaii, to investigate the property for him, and he had discovered that the existing owners were currently being harassed by lobbyists who wanted to convert the area into a resort, but the owners were not interested. He despised how much natural land was being dug up for hotels, and from what he learnt about the area, it was protected, but there was a good chance they would have their way.

Steve had found his list of properties that his realtor had given him after he had left it out on the table as he got home from work. Buck had written down on the piece of paper his viewing dates and Steve had immediately said that he would go with him if he wanted him to. Buck had agreed for Steve to tag along mainly because he wanted to hear Steve’s thoughts on the properties. Mainly because he knew that Steve would more than likely be stalking the properties to make sure they were right for him. He also knew that Steve wouldn’t lie to him, he would tell him the truth if something was odd about a place. But he didn't realise Steve had told his team that he was looking around for a place.

"Did he tell you that?" Buck asked, laughing and shaking his head.

Chin joined in the laughter and nodded, "Yer, came skipping into the office about you staying on the island."

Buck could almost imagine it; he'd seen the delight in Steve's eyes when he discovered the listing and should have known Steve wouldn't be able to keep this information to himself. "Bet he did," Buck laughed.

"He's just excited that you're staying," Chin answered with a shrug, but the way he concluded that statement made Buck think that he had something else to say.

"And?" Buck gave Chin a look that he had once been told mimicked Steve's severe gaze.

"And then started planning the search like it was a military operation, using our systems to check houses' criminal histories, do background checks on the realtors involved and the current owners." Buck couldn't help but shake his head as Chin went on to enumerate all the things Steve was doing to try to help him.

"Sounds about right," Buck grumbled. "I told him I had found a good realtor who knows what's she doing." He added and had. His lawyer had located one of the top realtors on the island, but Buck's only request was that he use a local agent. Not some giant corporation with only a name. He wanted to help a smaller firm, and since he had the funds, he was willing to pay to help a firm that wanted to improve the island.

Pele (which translates as "goddess of fire") was a fierce lady in her thirties who knew exactly what she wanted. She was no-nonsense and preferred order. Buck appreciated her for that. When he arrived at her office after his lawyer had scheduled their first appointment, he knew he had chosen the right people the moment he stepped inside the little office building. Pele worked for a small family firm she had married into, and she clearly enjoyed her work. He had observed the numerous family portraits on the workplace walls telling him that the business was ran in a family way which was nice. Pele had two five-year-old twin girls. He had met them during their meeting as Pele’s husband had called in to see her. They were beautiful and to see such a beautiful family made his heart skip a beat.

During their meeting, Pele thanked him again for choosing their firm over the larger firms and promised that they would do everything in their power to find him his dream home. They went through what he was looking for in his new home and if there was anything that he wanted to avoid. After creating that list, Pele openly admitted that since they were a smaller firm they only oversaw a few properties complete but did have contracts with other firms so they had more options for him if he couldn’t find a home in their listings.

Chin laughed as he said, "I know, Pele's one hell of a realtor."

Chin's remarks forced Buck to stop Kāne Nui in his tracks, which he wasn't happy about and he let Buck know that by pawing the earth with a huff. He had never told Steve his realtor's name and it hadn't been written on any of the papers that Steve had found. So, he couldn't have informed Chin who he was using.

Chin laughed stopping his own horse before turning in his saddle with a grin, "She's my cousin bro. It is a small island."  Chin remarked, still chuckling.

Buck couldn't help but laugh along. He had started to understand what that comment meant. When he had been surfing with Kono, they had run into three of her cousins and two uncles. Which had been nice however sadly due to his size, one of her cousins had tried to openly flirt with him. He had turned her down as gently as he could, and Kono had apologised to him for her cousin's actions. Buck had brushed off her apologise saying that it didn't matter. He even joked that if he had flirted with anyone, it would have been her male cousin who was in his thirties but built like a rugby player, who promised to design him a surfboard if he ever wanted one. After his third surfing session with Kono, he finally asked Kono how much it would cost to have a board created for him.

"Don't worry," Chin said, returning his attention to their conversation. "You're in good hands with her. She is no pushover and will find you your perfect home, or if not, one that can be converted into a lifelong home," Chin stated as they began to move again.

"I know, she's chosen some nice places. I only want anything simple. Away from the city and bustling streets. Somewhere I can unwind properly. Do not get me wrong..." Buck spoke but then paused and groaned, forcing Chin to stare at him. "…I love the city and being around people but…"

Buck could feel his emotions rising again as he said. He didn't want Chin to think that he wanted them around. He loved having them around and going out with them.  But he wanted to make sure Chin realised that while he enjoyed having them in his life, he also wanted a place where he could lock himself away to find calm.

"You want somewhere you can go that is only yours," Chin said finishing his sentence.

Buck accepted his comment with a smile and a nod. He knew Chin would understand where he was coming from. Chin was the quietest person in 5-0, but when he spoke, everyone listened.

"Well, Pele has picked out some beautiful homes for you to see and, don't tell her I told you, but she thinks the one you are going to see today is going to be the one," Chin said as they headed towards the ranch.

Buck grinned at his comment; he had looked over the marketing images before leaving the house and didn't want to jinx it, but he genuinely liked the look of the place.  And the prospect of having so much open land that he could go for walks around his property without encountering anyone was incredibly appealing. Looking at the images of the area also triggered a notion that he hadn't considered in a long time. Maybe if he got the place, he might consider getting a four-legged pal to share it with him.

"I know and I will have Steve with me since he said he's coming." He spoke as they approached the hill that overshadowed the ranch. As they reached the top, they could see the ranch and Kāne Nui neighing to see his home. "I love him and he's a good brother, but he can be a little…" Buck kept going but eventually came to a halt. He didn't know how to say Steve's desire to be in control in a way that didn't sound like he was mad about it. He knew that all his brother wanted was the best for him and that he was kept safe.

"Controlling?" Chin questioned, smiling, and then chuckled slightly. "His old man was the same. It's their method of demonstrating that they care for someone." Chin explained but then sighed, and Buck surmised it must be difficult for Chin to talk about Steve's father because, according to Steve, Chin had worked with him for a long time and had supported him during his HPD troubles.

"John never knew how to show his love for someone without attempting to micromanage every aspect of their lives in order to protect them. He used to remark that if he had control over what happened in their life, they would be kept safe. Chin explained.

"Families are complicated," Buck mumbled.

"Tell me about it, I still get dirty looks from mine, that is if they even acknowledge me," Chin explained, shrugging his shoulders.

Buck felt himself frozen in his saddle as he considered Chin's comments. Steve had told him a little about what Chin had been through when he returned to Hawaii.  He had been accused of a crime he did not commit, and his family had essentially abandoned him. He understood how lonely it was to be abandoned by those he thought would love him unconditionally.

"How do you deal with that? Your family not talking to you? Buck enquired softly.

Chin paused for a time, and Buck began to panic a little, wondering whether he had crossed a line by asking. But after a few moments of stillness, Chin spoke "It was hard at first." Chin began with a sigh and then resumed. "People who I thought were my family suddenly left me. Some of them publicly accused me or enquired if I had taken the money."

Chin cleared his throat slightly before continuing, "When I quit the police, some people interpreted it as an admission of guilt, but it was not. I didn't want someone else to get killed because no one responded to our pleas for help because I was there or for a criminal to get away with their crimes because the District Attorney believed I was dirty." Chin explained.  

Buck understood where Chin was coming from with that statement. It was one of the reasons Buck hadn't just requested a transfer when things with Bobby and the 118 had gotten too much. Deep down he hoped that he had been wrong, but he couldn't shake the thought that if he worked at another house, and they ended up working together on a scene would they risk other people's lives to get back at him? He couldn't take the risk, and he admired Chin for leaving to protect the people he wished to save.

"When Steve came back and created 5-0, it was my second chance to give back. Sure, many of my family members still refuse to speak with me, and it hurts that they do not believe me. But now I know that I have people in my life who will defend and support me no matter what. Steve, Danny, and Kono are now my family." Chin smiled gently.

Buck grinned back, knowing that Chin had found a fine home with Steve and the rest of 5-0. Steve was fiercely loyal to those he considered family, and he would give his life to protect them if necessary. And from the things Kono had told him about Steve's wild schemes, he knew he was right.

Buck paused briefly when he thought about his family. He had always been infatuated with the idea of having the perfect family. He knew Doctor Copeland would remark that his obsession stemmed from his bad childhood, and he couldn't help but agree with her. He had never had much success in finding his forever family. They either left him or he screwed up so horribly that they no longer wanted him. It was the overarching theme of his life.

Perhaps he wasn't intended to have a family. He was horrified at the notion of dying alone. Nobody stood by him as he took his final breath. The idea alone gave him nightmares.  It was why he fought so hard to save as many people as he could, and if he couldn't, he made sure they weren't alone when they died. But perhaps he would be one of the unlucky ones who died alone.

"I'm sorry you went through that," Buck murmured softly as they approached the ranch.

"That's okay. Chin smiled, "And things will get better for you too. I still have dark days Buck, some days it gets to me that my family abandoned me because of a lie before some days were so dark that I found myself thinking that I would be better dead than being the black stain on the family."

"What stopped you?" Buck enquired innocently, knowing that his voice would sound distressed to Chin. He had always puzzled how Chin had managed to preserve his composure after learning what he had gone through. He was so close to ending it all that if Steve hadn't promised, he would have done something crazy.

"Because I knew that I was innocent and if I was dead who would be around to defend me." Chin explained but then added, "There aren't so many dark days anymore since I started working at 5-0. Maybe it is because I have people who completely trust me and have never doubted me now that those dark days, I do get now don't seem so dark anymore."

They were silent again as they walked past the field adjacent to the barn; Buck had so much on his mind that he struggled to concentrate on just one thing. Chin had publicly admitted to having bad days and that he had come very close to ending it all, but he never let them consume him fully and he didn't see a way out.

Instead, Chin treated things with care and turned to people who made them bearable. He was aware that Steve had advised him several times to reach out to him if the voices that told him to end it all returned or if he wanted to talk about them. But he couldn't help but wonder how Chin had managed those particularly awful days. He had Steve's promise to keep him alive, but Chin had nothing like that, so how did he keep himself from doing something stupid? But whatever he had done, Buck couldn't help but respect the older man for surviving all that and coming out stronger.

As they returned to the ranch, Buck was surprised to see Steve's truck parked next to Chin's car, with his brother seated in the truck's bed, playing on his phone. He then realised the time and understood that Steve was most likely here so that they could make it to his appointment with Pele on time. However, he didn't understand why Steve couldn't simply sit in the truck like any other person. As they got closer to Steve, his brother gave a grin. It was then that he noticed that Steve had pointed his phone directly at him and knew that Steve had more likely taken a few photos to properly email to the rest of their brothers.

Buck dismounted Kāne Nui and caressed him on the neck to express gratitude for the ride. Buck then reached into his pocket and pulled out the leftover sugar cube pack. Kāne Nui chuffed enthusiastically as his ears sprang forward, indicating he had caught his actions. And nibbled at his hand in gratitude as he devoured the cubes.

Buck unintentionally found himself forming a connection with Kāne Nui but knew that he couldn’t become too attached to him. Kāne Nui was not his horse (even though he wished he was) and he was merely exercising him for his owner. Buck patted Kāne Nui's neck again and adjusted his girth. He'd worked hard today and deserved some TLC.

He had been so lost in stroking Kāne Nui that he hadn't noticed Chin approaching him with a grin on his face. It was when Chin collected Kāne Nui's reins that he noticed him standing there. Chin nodded his head towards Steve and said, “You better get going before Pele complains to me that you’re late,” Chin said. Before he started to walk Kāne Nui towards the barn with his own horse.

Buck regretted not spending more time with Kāne Nui before leaving. But he also knew he needed to get moving or he'd be late; Chin added before he left that they could come back through on his next day off or he could check with Meg to see if they were okay with him coming through on his own.

Buck nodded, then turned and walked towards Steve who had climbed out of the bed of his truck and was standing watching him carefully. Buck knew why and guessed that he must look a little different. He felt lighter, that was the only way he could describe it. Being among horses again was liberating. They were gentle and powerful creatures and Kāne Nui was one of the most unique and beautiful creatures he had ever seen. Kāne Nui simply trusted him. Buck wishes that working with people was as easy as working with horses. Sure, horses may be cruel and deliver a hard kick if annoyed, but they never lied about giving him signals that suggested that they weren't happy with him. People lied, and they did so to his face not caring how much it hurt him.

Buck couldn't help but reflect on everything as they drove near the house they wanted to inspect. During the ride, Chin offered suggestions on what he could do to enjoy the real Hawaii, including hiking paths and where he could try some authentic Hawaiian food. Chin also remarked on all the search and rescue calls he had responded to after Buck had asked if anyone got lost in the woods as they went through an overgrown part of woodland. Chin also dropped in that the team he worked with was experiencing some challenges due to the retirement of senior members and no one taking their places. Buck realised he was dropping hints to him about maybe looking into helping and it wasn’t a terrible idea.

He wanted to keep helping people. Search and rescue units were very similar to what he used to do in the Seals. However, he didn't know the area as well as Chin and knew that unless he learnt, he wouldn't be able to help anyone. Anyone could rope down or administer first aid if they had the training. The expertise known solely by locals offered them an advantage in finding lost persons.

But he had been looking for part-time jobs or outside work to keep him active while he figured out what he wanted to pursue. He was able to keep that private from Steve since he did not leave any proof in the house. He planned to inform Steve about his search, but he wanted to wait until he found a home he loved.

He hadn't noticed where he was until Steve tapped him on the shoulder making him jump. He had been so immersed in his own thoughts that he hadn't noticed they had arrived, and peering through the windscreen, he saw Pele standing there in her maroon suit and white shirt with a grin on her face like she had won the lottery. He then looked at the house behind her and felt his jaw drop. It was as stunning as the photographs.

Buck climbed out of the car, following Steve's lead, and strolled around Steve's truck, falling in love with the place even more. He knew he loved the property when he looked through the listing but seeing it in person only made him fall in love with it more. It was a beautiful modern two-story house coated in wooden cladding with tall, big windows that let in plenty of natural light. He had told Pele that he preferred a home with as much natural light as possible and this was just that.

To his left stood the big two-door garage, which he knew was much larger than it appeared on the exterior. Unbeknownst to Steve and many others, he had three cars stored in Washington with Mr Sanderford, and as soon as the old man learnt he was looking for a home, he began the process of having the cars delivered to him. He considered using his cars in Los Angeles but didn't. Mainly because they weren't just ordinary cars.

They were all drunken purchases, but he'd loved them the moment he saw them. One of them was his Rolls Royce, which he found after watching a British TV show about the brand's history. However, instead of the usual old Rolls Royce model, he had brought a Rolls Royce la rose noire droptail. The rich deep red colour had caught his intoxicated eye, but he loved his car. Caleb had joked when he picked up the automobile from the showroom that he would look like a rich white lad, which he didn't mind. Instead, he merely kissed him and told him that doing so would turn him into a sugar baby, which made Caleb nearly wet himself laughing because he was a few years older than him.

He also had a few motorcycles accompanying his cars, but one of them was more important to him than any of his cars or bikes. He had been very proud of his Harley-Davidson Knucklehead from 1945. He had purchased the bike used while recovering from an injury and had rebuilt it as he healed. The bike was in a horrible state, but he was able to find all of the parts at a reasonable price to restore it to its former glory.

Buck shifted his gaze away from the garage and towards the front door of the house, which felt more welcoming than any other entrance had. It was covered with a porch with clay titles and surrounded by bushes and plants, giving the impression that the house was erected among the trees.

"Hi Evan, you made it in good time," Pele said cheerfully, looking at him closely as if she was trying to decide whether he liked the place or not.

"Hi, Pele," Buck said, clearing his throat. "This is my brother Steve he's here to have a look around as well." Buck introduced Steve, who was observing him closely.

"Hi Steve, shall we?" Pele enquired, pointing her head towards the entrance door.

Buck nodded, and with a deep breath, they entered. As he did so, Buck couldn't help but feel his nerves getting the better of him but thankfully Steve noticed it and gently pushed him forward.

As soon as they opened the front door, they were greeted by a lengthy corridor painted in a pleasant cream colour with wooden floors that flowed throughout the whole house. As they took a few steps in, they noticed the main staircase stood pride of place in the centre of the entranceway. And a large empty ceiling-high fish tank. Buck's eyes flew around as they entered the room, attempting to take it all in.

"Now this property has been on the market a little longer than the others due to its layout and style, but I think you are going to like it," Pele remarked with a laugh. "On the first floor, you can see a stunning wide hallway that can allow full wheelchair access to the entry ground floor that leads to the huge open living space. The previous owner had the enormous fish tank installed and set up for seawater, but you may change that if you like." Pele explained.

But Buck was only partially listening; the living room was light and dazzling. There was enough space for a huge u-size couch that could be placed to surround a large entertainment system, which had been built around a large fireplace. The television that had previously been there was huge, judging by the vacant space in the wall. Buck had always wanted a place where he could curl up on the couch with an open fire while watching his favourite show. The fireplace was an open wood burner, and this would be a perfect place for that.

"The staircase separates the living room from the kitchen and dining room," Pele explained, leading them into the gorgeous modern kitchen, yet Buck noticed an almost cottage vibe with the light marble countertops and Coconut palm wood cabinetry with silver handles. Three hanging lights in the centre of the kitchen island appeared to be made of bamboo or something similar since they resembled a weaved basket and looked lovely. The kitchen appliances appeared fresh, including a new oven and hob, a large two-door fridge, and a dishwasher.

Pele stated that the entire house had been rewired and serviced before it went on the market. There were four bar stools arranged around the huge island that sat in the centre of the kitchen. He assumed that with all the wood, the room would feel dark, but it did the opposite. It made the entire facility appear more welcoming. The windows and lighting provided so much light that the entire space felt warm, and he loved it.

"The dining room windows provide a direct view of the ocean and garden. There's a pantry, a utility room, and a room that the previous owner built as a home gym, but you can transform it into whatever you want." Pele pointed to three doors off the kitchen.

The dining room was painted in the same vivid creams as the wooden furnishings. An enormous monkeypod wood table sat in pride of position, supported by a large tree stump made of the same wood. Pele had indicated that the table was too large and heavy to move and was being sold alongside the property. Buck had been looking for a set of chairs that would complement the table's rich reddish-brown tones. It was the centrepiece of the room. When he moved into his flat, the first thing he brought was a dining room table, as Mr Samson had always taught him that eating at a table with someone, he cared about made a place feel like home. He always enjoyed sitting with him at the table, eating their dinner, and discussing their day. It made him feel wanted.

Buck poked his head into each room while Pele pointed them out. He had anticipated that some of the rooms would be smaller than expected, but they were not. The utility room was spacious enough to accommodate a large washer and dryer. With storage for household cleaning products, and enough space to store everything he needed to keep the house clean.

The pantry was lined with long wooden shelves to keep as many dry goods as he wished, as well as baskets on the three bottom shelves to accommodate vegetables or fruit. It was wonderful and reminded him of a small farm shop with its set-up. He could go crazy in there, buying whatever he wanted and possibly trying some Hawaiian dishes or improving his cooking in any manner he desired. Not in the way others expected him to.

He was really interested in his home gym. The room was spacious, and he could fit a lot of equipment in there. And he wasn't talking about the little at-home equipment that individuals brought; he could have top-tier gym equipment that he had only seen in high-end private gyms.

"From the dining room, you don't have access to the garden however you can do that through the folding doors in the living room where you will find an outdoor kitchen that is fully furnished and to the pool." Pele continued to lure them back into the living room. Buck realised he hadn't noticed the folding doors when he first entered the space, but he appreciated how they would allow him to make his living room feel like the outdoors.

"From the hallway," Pele said, walking towards the front door but stopping in the corridor to wait for them to catch up. "From the hallway to the left, you can access the workshop and garage, but to the right," Pele smiled and encouraged them to follow her. Buck observed that the end of the hall led to another hallway. "This way, you have a medium-sized bedroom with an on-suite that is wheelchair accessible and includes a wet room. The final room is what I like to call the sunroom." She explained as she unlocked each door for them to see.

Buck gazed into the bedroom, which was decorated in muted blues and white, and couldn't help but think of how ideal it would be for Chris.  The bathroom would allow him to enjoy complete independence which is one thing that he knew Chris wanted. But then his heart sank, he remembered Eddie cutting him off and after everything he'd done to him, Eddie was unlikely to let his own son fly to stay with him or if he let him see him at all.

Pele then showed them the room she dubbed the sunroom, which was just that. It was a space filled with windows that looped around, letting in as much light as possible. The built-in couches line two of the walls with one holding storage cupboards. The cushions that sat all along the couches creating a window seat had a mix of Hawaiian designs and creams making the place look even more welcoming. It looked beautiful and the natural light made him feel immediately calm. The ceiling lamp appeared to be formed of broken sea glass, reflecting its various colours onto the surfaces surrounding him. He'd seen seaglass lights online before and discovered that natural light could shine through them even when they weren't turned on.

However, when Buck gazed around the room, he felt himself gasp slightly at the scene in front of him. The house's pool and outdoor kitchen were visible through the windows on his left. A stunning view of the ocean and garden awaited him looking forward through the centre windows. However, to his right, he could see the rolling hills of Hawaii. It was breathtaking. This was the real Hawaii, and the thought of waking up every morning to that scene tugged at his heartstrings.

"This view is beautiful," Buck said quietly, and he felt Steve's hand on his arm, giving him a soothing squeeze as if to tell him that he was there in case he needed him. His voice must have indicated to Steve that something was bothering him. And it was—this house seemed more like home than anywhere else.

"I know, with all of the land attached to the property, it is also quite secluded. It is distant from the road, as you can tell from the long drive, so it is peaceful and quiet." Pele explained.

Buck nodded again, not trusting his own words. So far, this place has been amazing. He could see himself living here, and as they went through each room, he began to make a mental list of what he wanted to modify in each room. His mind had run wild when he noticed the empty fish tank in the living room. He had always liked the water, and he was excited about the prospect of transforming that empty tank into his own living reef. He had done a lot of research on live reefs, and the thought of bringing some of the ocean into his home made it feel more like home.

"Shall we continue?" Pele enquired, and he could sense she was becoming hopeful that he was falling in love with the location.

"Please," Steve whispered, speaking for him, and Buck felt Steve's hand on his shoulder, drawing him back.

As they returned through the home and approached the stairs, Buck saw that the staircase itself was made of what appeared to be an ancient tree. It wasn't a straight modern frame, but rather a small bend that suggested the house was designed around the staircase to incorporate more of the nature element. As they moved up, Buck discovered that the spindles had been engraved with small symbols, some of which he knew as Hawaiian symbols and guessed that the others were the same. It was subtle details like this that made him feel that, despite the current appearance, it had true character.

"As you can see, the landing is fairly spacious and may accommodate a small couch or loveseat. This floor contains two medium-sized bedrooms and a spacious bathroom to share between them." She explained and walked him through each room. Both rooms were light and bright, with enough space for at least one queen bed in each with room for a few bedroom pieces. One was painted in a seafoam green colour while the other was painted in a lava rock grey colour. The bathroom, on the other hand, was a source of concern because it was located at the front of the home, and the enormous marble bathtub that sat in the centre of it made him nervous. But Pele had chuckled at his shocked face and quickly explained that the window had a mirror film on it, making it impossible to see in from the driveway.

"There is also a home office that has a doorway into what was used as a library," Pele added as she showed them the two rooms.

The office was painted a dark sage green and included a wooden desk built into one full side of the room that could accommodate at least three monitors, a printer, and at least two computer towers, as well as bookcases surrounding the windows for storage. There were also two monitors in one corner of the desk that were already wired in. He recognised the monitor and the unit next to it as the house's security system. He had counted at least nine cameras both inside and out, and he expected there to be more dotted around. He had a feeling that Steve would make him update the system if he brought the place but at least he didn't have to start hunting for one immediately.

The library was painted the same dark sage green, and a built-in couch surrounded the windows, creating a cubby hole large enough for him to hide from the outside world. He then realised that the library could be closed because two by-folding doors stood against the wall, allowing him to isolate the space if necessary. Empty built-in bookcases lined the rest of the walls, with even the underside of the couch designed to house more volumes.

"There is also a spare room that was used as one of the owner's hobby rooms but has the potential to be anything you want it to be," Pele explained, bringing Buck out of his thoughts and showing him an empty spacious room. The lighting at this side of the house was ideal, not too bright but enough to make painting there feel like painting in perfect light. When he saw the room, he couldn't help but start planning where everything should go. It was close to the garage and from the windows, he could see the drive and Steve's truck.

In his imagination, he could envision where he would place his easel for optimal lighting, as well as where his storage cabinets and cupboards would contain all of his paints, pencils, and brushes. In addition, he knew where he would keep his set of drawers for his sketchbooks and canvases to keep them safe while he completed a collection. He also noted that the ceiling lights were strategically placed to allow him to paint even when the natural light was low.

"And then we have the master bedroom," Pele added, before showing them the largest room Buck had ever seen. It was huge, virtually spanning the entire length of the rear of the house. He knew by looking at the size of the room that he could fit two super king beds, a large couch, and a television inside with plenty of room to spare. Steve whistled as he entered the room, and Buck couldn't help but agree. It was beautiful.

The room was painted in a stunning maile green that complemented the overall design of the space. The floor was built from a rich 'Ōhi'a wood, giving the space an earthy and relaxing atmosphere. The room was lighted by two woven rattan pendant lights that hung lower than the main ceiling light on either side of a super king-size bed. Large floor-to-ceiling windows allow natural light to stream in, highlighting the surrounding tropical scenery. Looking around the room, Buck fell in love with the room's design and knew that if he bought the house, he would not change anything about this room. He'd add a few more details and make it more his but the colours would stay.

"It has a large on suite with a tub, a walk-in closet and access to a large balcony that can hold a full balcony set if you want to utilise it." Pele demonstrated how to open doors and showed them each one.

The bathroom included a marble tub in the centre of the windows, with views of the lawn below. Buck peered over the tub and found that he could see down to the private beach, he could imagine himself sitting in the tub watching the sunset over the ocean. The bathroom, like the rest of the house, was stunning. There was a gigantic shower that could accommodate at least three people, complete with a built-in bench and a large waterfall shower. It was embellished with small, handcrafted titles in the style of leaves in various colours of green, providing a forest motif within the shower.

The double sinks were set on a black marble top, and he knew the oak cupboards would hold more than enough items. A fresh new toilet has a small device to sort its cleaning products, which couldn't be displayed.

Then there was the walk-in closet, which included two long, deep wardrobes on either side, with enough space to store all his things tenfold. He would need to consider extending his wardrobe, or perhaps he could store something else there. Yes, he needed to get some new clothes. He hadn't taken many clothes with him when he moved to Hawaii and knew that if he wanted to stay on the island, he'd have to go shopping.

He also clocked two built-in safes in two of the wardrobes. Pele mentioned that there was a larger built-in safe in the workshop. Which was going to be useful because he needed the space. During his service, he had accumulated a few weapons that he would need to keep locked up. His sidearm was safely housed in Steve's safe among his own firearms, as he no longer carried it. But he had two rifles that he knew he would need to bring over if he was going to live on the island. He had left them in a secure unit along with all his Navy stuff. He might ask Sam to clear it out and send everything over as he knew what was needed.

Buck buried himself in his own thoughts as they walked throughout the house, taking in every detail he could find. The wooden but modern theme that ran throughout the house further added to his affection for the property.  Buck couldn't think of anything wrong with the house. With the other places Pele had shown him, he had managed to compile a large list of problems or things he disliked, but this place had none of those.

"Bomb…" Steve replied, looking down from the balcony to the big garden and lawn that would become his if he purchased the property. They had gone out on it to get a letter and look at how large the balcony was.

"This place is so you; it's like it was made for you," Steve admitted, and Buck couldn't help but agree.

"We can look around the grounds if you want," Pele remarked, fully aware that Buck loved the house.

"Please," Buck replied.

They followed Pele down the staircase, but when they reached the bottom, Steve stopped him before they could follow her. "Do you actually like this place?" He enquired, but Buck saw a confident smirk on his face, indicating that Steve clearly knew the answer to his own question. Buck wasn't sure how to respond at first. He knew Steve was pleased to have him staying in Hawaii.

"Yer, I do," Buck stated quietly with a smile, knowing that he was now believing his own words.

"I'm happy for you, brother," Steve whispered softly, pulling him into a one-armed hug before following Pele outside, where she was waiting for them.

The patio next to the pool has a large open space that used to contain some outdoor furniture. Buck had already been eyeing some lovely, locally crafted pieces that would complement the rest of the property. He realised that if he bought the house, he would have to furnish it fast since he wanted to be out of Steve's hair as soon as possible, thus buying locally was important to him.

"So, the garden is divided into multiple sections. The majority of it is unspoiled with grass, with native trees and bushes. However, you do have a few coconut trees scattered about." Pele added as they all gazed at the gorgeous, pristine area before them.

"There are greenhouses on the right that can grow a variety of produce. The previous owner was able to raise a variety of veggies." Pele explained, pointing down to the stone and wooden greenhouses that were close to the beach but far enough away that the sand did not impact the soil quality.

Buck remembered seeing the photographs inside them and had started to study what fruits, vegetables, and herbs he could grow. He wanted to try growing a few native plants that he would need for a few recipes he read, but the idea of being able to grow his own food sounded fantastic. Back in LA, he grew several herb plants for his personal cooking, but after the lawsuit, he gave many of them to Natalie for her cooking so they wouldn't go to waste.

"As you can see you have a decent-sized saltwater pool with from what the owner tells me has been fitted with an adjustable propeller-drive system to create a current for training as well as a waterfall to create that relaxing feeling," Pele explained before pointing to the waterfall at the top of the pool. "The waterfall also contains all of the pool's pumps and machinery. There are local pool providers who can come out on a regular basis to maintain and clean." Pele added.

Buck nodded in response to her comment; if he had a pool, he would want it maintained by professionals. He also remembered Chin's comment about Pele always trying to sell her clients local businesses to help with maintenance or labour around the property to keep them employed. He had already agreed to hire a local company rather than one of the larger ones. Kono added that one of her cousins worked for a small pool cleaning company that was struggling to compete with larger corporations. If he was able to help, he would.

"There are also two waterfall outdoor showers and a changing area behind the plant room that has some storage options for outdoor or water equipment like your surfboard." Buck couldn't help but smile at Pele's comment. He'd want to have a place to keep his own board when he got around to getting one.

And then she turned to face the outdoor kitchen, which had clearly captured Steve's attention, as Buck followed Pele's lead and discovered Steve already nosing around the kitchen layout and equipment. Buck couldn't help but grin and shake his head at his brother's behaviour. Steve clearly preferred the arrangement of the outdoor kitchen over his own, as he looked like a kid in a candy store.

Pele laughed with him and then spoke. "The outdoor kitchen, as I previously stated, is fully equipped with a BBQ, clay pizza oven, and fridge for drinks or food," Pele continued, pointing out all the amenities. The outdoor kitchen was covered with a bamboo thatch roof, all but one side was exposed to the weather. The rear wall was lined with wooden shelves containing modest items such as an old wine bottle and a small bowl. It was beautiful, it reminded him of a beach hut or an outdoor kitchen in Spain.

However, when Buck studied the surroundings in front of him, he observed something unusual standing close to the green home. It wasn't an eyesore, but it was strange-looking. Pele plainly followed his gaze as she rapidly answered, answering his unsaid queries. "Those are the properties of a wind turbine. It was created in such a way that it did not spoil the view while also helping to create power."

Buck nodded in response, but before he could say anything, Pele continued, "The entire property is operated off the grid, and the roof," she said, pointing up to the roof of the house, "has over twenty solar panels on it that store all of the power produced into subterranean generators. The power generates powers the house, all of the lights, the property walls lights, the sprinkler system, the pool equipment, and the home security system." Pele explained.

Buck couldn't help but shake his head at everything Pele had listed. She had conducted a thorough study on each property to ensure that it met all his requirements. Buck had requested that the property either have the option of installing renewable energy, such as solar panels or already have them.

"The property also comes with a private beach," Pele said, breaking the silence and pointing to a gap in the hedge row that clearly served as the beach entrance. "On the map, the beach that runs along each side of your land is yours to use as you see fit. It ends when you reach your neighbour’s property line and is marked on both sides." Pele explained.

Buck was surprised at how long his own private beach was, assuming that was correct. It seemed odd to claim that he owned a portion of the coastline, but after looking at the photographs, he remembered that some of the beach that would be his was made up of rocks and deep tidal pools that were submerged during high tide.

"It has everything that you were looking for," Steve said, breaking Buck's concentration.

He turned to face his brother, who was grinning ear to ear, and Buck couldn't help but shake his head at his brother's remark. Steve had made him write down everything he was looking for in a place as soon as he realised, he was looking so that he could 'assist' him make a decision if he discovered one he liked.

"Close enough, is there any structural problems I need to be aware of?" Buck refused to take Steve's bate quite yet and turned to Pele with his question.

She shook her head and grinned, "No, all of the wood has been treated recently, and the structural integrity is perfect." She answered.

Buck sighed and closed his eyes, reflecting on what he'd seen. He truly liked this place. It was ideal for him and suited all his needs. He wanted a larger kitchen so he could cook better for himself. A gym and workshop to keep his body in shape until he found his next job. A place where he could paint whenever he felt like it, as well as a huge open living area where he could entertain and express his gratitude to Steve and the rest of 5-0 for their friendship.

"How much is the asking price?" Buck asked without glancing at Steve, knowing his brother would be grinning like a Cheshire Cat if he did.

Pele smiled and then looked down at the file in her hand; Buck hadn't noticed it previously, but he wasn't surprised given how deep he had been in his own thoughts. "It's on the higher end of your budget with the lawyer fees that will be needed to complete the sale however the seller is trying to sell quickly so I am not expecting a lot of waiting around if they accept your offer," Pele explained.

Buck nodded, sighed loudly, and closed his eyes. He was now in a war with himself. On the one hand, his brain was advising him to conduct more research and look into other choices in case things didn't work out, but his heart was already in love with the house. How could he not? The location was perfect. However, the prospect of purchasing a property made him nervous. What if he botched things up here? It meant he'd have to relocate again, and no matter what Steve did to help him, he'd never be able to face anyone again.

"What are you thinking Bomber?" Steve asked quietly.

Buck gently opened his eyes to see that Steve was now standing in front of him. Not touching him, but close enough that if he fell, he could catch him. Clearly, his silence and reaction concerned him.

"I can see myself living here," Buck said quietly.

Steve simply nodded, and with a strong touch on his shoulder, Buck felt as if he had unlimited energy and confidence. "How long will it take for everything to go through?" Buck enquired of Pele, whose expression changed from one of anxiety to one of a wide smile.

"We can get the ball rolling as soon as you submit an offer," she explained, taking out a piece of paper to jot down his bid.

Buck was aware that this was moving too quickly, but he couldn't stop himself from saying, "I'll match what they are asking for it," he knew he could have given a lower price or negotiated a lower price, but he didn't want to risk losing this place. He was already too smitten with it to do that.

"Okay, I'll call the sellers right now," Pele responded hurriedly, pulling out her phone.

"Thanks," Buck replied as she stepped inside the house to make the call that would result in him either having a home in Hawaii or figuring out how much to offer them to get them to accept. He didn't care how much money he had to spend; he didn't have much of it. The money had been sitting there doing nothing anyway, so he might as well use it for himself.

"I am so proud of you, kiddo," Steve said in his brain, and for once, he believed him. Another first for him: he was proud of himself.

Chapter Text

Buck couldn't help but chuckle to himself as he played with his new house key, which hung from a Navy Seal keyring that Steve had given him. He couldn't believe he held his new house key in his hand. He had bought his dream house in Hawaii. He was going to live only fifteen minutes away from his older brother, and they had agreed to meet for dinner at least twice a week to catch up. Something he was looking forward to, and he had already begun to plan what he would cook for him to say thank you.

He understood that buying a house would not solve all his problems, and based on his recent chat with Doctor Copeland, he knew he still had a long way to go before he was completely healed. But there was a comment Doctor Copeland made to him when he told her about Caleb's reappearance, which was why he couldn't ask him the questions he had outlined for her.

His response was that he didn't want to hurt Caleb's feelings by bringing up the past and that when he reflected on their interaction, he saw a hint of anxiety when Caleb stopped himself from telling him why he had left in that moment. Doctor Copeland had warned him that he was once again putting someone else's feelings ahead of his own and that in order to find the answers he sought, he needed to stop doing so. She did admit that rushing into a meeting with his ex was not the best idea, but the decision had to be his alone. She couldn't tell him what to do, but he'd know when the optimum time for the meeting was.

Looking around his hallway, which had already begun to be decorated with Hawaiian canvases and artwork he had discovered at an antique shop he knew that he had found a home. His home. A place he could call his own without worrying about anyone breaking in and disturbing his peace. It was absolutely his, and he had promised himself that he would not allow anyone to take it away.

When Pele called to tell him that the house's owners had accepted his offer, he could have yelled with excitement. He couldn't believe he was able to buy a house so quickly. The deal itself was completed fast, lasting only three days, which must have been a record for Pele. His lawyer had handled everything for him, and when Buck questioned how he had done it so quickly on one of their calls, he smiled and said that he had attended law school with the seller's lawyer and were old roommates, so they knew each other very well. As a result, they were able to finish the paperwork in only one day, with only their signatures required to complete the transaction.

When Buck had to sign the deed to the house at Pele's office, he finally met the former owner. A charming couple in their seventies who appeared to be deeply in love with one another. The husband worked as an investment banker, while his wife was a literature professor, and they had retired to Hawaii. However, life dealt them a hard blow when she was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer that was resistant to treatment. They explained to him that because they didn't know how long she had left, they chose to relocate to Chicago to be closer to their son and grandson to make as many memories as possible before her time ran out. Buck could see the sorrow written on their faces as they explained.

They added that they had fallen in love with the property and did not want to see someone come in and acquire it only to discard it for a hotel. Buck had sworn them he would never do that since he, too, had fallen in love with the location. He had asked, as he often did if there was anything he could do to help them with their move or anything else. The husband smiled warmly at him, thanked him, and then stated that he had already done so much for them by merely purchasing their property.

With the money he was paying, they were going to able to find a home close to their son's and establish a substantial college fund for their grandson to use when he grew up. The wife had offered him a feeble hug, and when he hugged her back, he could feel how much weight she had already lost due to the awful condition. She whispered in his ear that all she asked was that he watched over her greenhouses and keep the house safe. Buck had felt tears well up in his eyes for that one.

However, as they left after signing the final paperwork, Buck called his lawyer and requested him to ensure that an anonymous donation was made to the cancer treatment centre in both Hawaii and Chicago in her name. He knew he couldn't offer her any more time on earth, but he could ensure that her name was remembered.

Buck noted that the home was buzzing with activity as he entered the living room. His enormous white U-shaped couch had arrived and was being assembled. He had chosen material over leather, with soothing green and brown throw cushions. Due to its huge dimensions, the couch had to be delivered in three sections. He wanted a large couch so that he could host a large gathering or spread out completely to relax.

Moving boxes cluttered the floor, and music played gently in the background; he had gone a little crazy by ordering everything he wanted for the house and having it all delivered on the same day.  Steve had also given the entire 5-0 the day off, stating that unless something unexpected occurred, they would be there to help him with moving in. Steve and Danny were returning to Steve's house to retrieve the remainder of his belongings for the third time. Buck couldn't believe how much he'd accumulated in such a short time living with Steve. He had travelled to Hawaii with a rucksack and two bags. It was taking them many trips to bring everything over now.

Buck picked up one of the large boxes next to the still-empty fish tank, tagged kitchen in Danny's precise handwriting. Danny had packed many of the boxes from Steve's house because he didn't trust Steve to pack them safely. Danny did have a point, and Buck had nearly wet himself laughing as Steve attempted to defend himself, only to knock over one of his own glasses, which broke on the floor.

As he strolled through the kitchen with the box, he couldn't believe what he was doing. That he owned his own home. If he was honest with himself, he had accomplished a number of things he had never imagined possible. He never imagined he'd leave Los Angeles to live with his brother, let go of a career he'd worked so hard for, buy a home fit for a rockstar, and start painting again. He smiled as he began to unpack the box containing his new ceramic bowls and place them in the cupboard. He couldn't believe he was doing this; he'd moved before, but not like this. This home was a dream come true. 

When his phone vibrated in his jeans pocket, he couldn't help but laugh a little. He knew that it was probably from Danny grumbling about how many canvases he had or about Steve's driving. Based on what Mr Sanderford has said about the debut of his newest collection's tour, his status has risen dramatically. They were raising millions for their chosen charity, and all but two of the artworks had already sold. The art show had been a success, and it was on track to be one of his greatest ever.

Thinking about his work, he felt bad for Steve and Danny because he had only just ordered another load of canvases, as he had already begun work on his next collection. He hadn't been able to sleep after signing the deed to his new home, so he resumed painting his next work. His new collection, 'Starting Fresh,' would include twenty new pieces, although he wasn't sure he would keep to that number.

His first canvas was originally titled 'New Home' since it represented everything he saw when he thought of Hawaii. It was a medium square canvas that he would display in a diamond form with a variety of beautiful greens, blues, and gold. It wasn't finished yet, and he still had a lot to do on it, including the addition of sand from his beach. He intended to incorporate as much of his new home into the piece as physically possible. He had already collected leaves from Steve's beach and left faint prints of Hawaiian leaves on it in a light green shade of paint.

Buck looked up after hearing the laughter from the living room. He smiled when he saw two of Chin's cousins, one of whom owned his own electrical company, working on wiring his new television, game consoles, and surround sound system. He'd also brought an LED lighting kit to mount on the back of his television to make watching any show more enjoyable. Chin's cousin had come with a team of five guys to help him. One of the guys was currently working on ensuring that his internet connection could reach every room in the home, and if not, he was installing boosters in those areas. The other two were currently working on installing his office equipment. During his manic shopping spree, he also purchased three monitors for his office, one large monitor for a gaming system that he had brought and two for his counselling sessions with Doctor Copeland and any other work he needed to complete.

Buck stood in his kitchen, watching as his gaming consoles were plugged in and placed on secret shelves constructed into the entertainment wall. He had gone a little crazy by bringing both an Xbox and a PlayStation, but he didn't care. He played on both. He did, however, ensure that both were connected to the internet so that he could play with Chris online if he wanted to. He had also chosen a variety of games and brought two additional controllers so Steve could play alongside him. He truly missed his and Steve's gaming nights and hoped that now that they were living so close together, they might start them again. Perhaps they might invite the rest of 5-0 and Grace to enjoy each other's company.

Many of the kitchen appliances and equipment had already been put away. Almost every cupboard now contained what it needs. New pots and pans, plates and bowls, cutlery, cups and mugs—just enough to get him started. He'd also brought a kettle, microwave, toaster, and blender. Because he didn't want any colour conflicts and wanted to preserve the calm contemporary tone, he used either a wooden texture or copper. But he had picked up a few soft green items, including a soap dispenser, dishcloths, and mugs.

Kono had told him not to buy a kitchen knife set or chopping boards for some reason; he had asked Steve about it, but his brother had simply dismissed him, saying that she could have some leftovers from her previous move for him to use for the time being. However, when Chin and Kono arrive to help him, he discovers the true reason. Kono had gone and brought him an elegant chef's knife set handcrafted by one of her uncles. The set was stunning. They were crafted from Damascus steel with a stunning wavy pattern that glistened in the light. The handles were fashioned of Kou wood and polished to reveal the wood's grain. She had also brought him three sets of chopping boards in various sizes made of Kou wood.

And Kono wasn't the only one who brought him gifts.

Chin had gotten him a Hawaiian Maui Hook to display by his front door as a symbol of power and success. Buck believed Chin had absorbed a lot of what he had to say during their trip and comprehended the hidden message. He was reminding him that it was okay to be strong, and he would remind him that he could begin a new path whenever he felt ready. Along with the Maui Hook, Chin handed him a bottle and told him in private that it was his uncle's moonshine, the greatest on the island, and that he shouldn't drink too much of it at once or he'd get into trouble.

Buck laughed at the comment but thanked him. He had previously tasted good moonshine and told Chin on their ride, which explains the present. He had placed the bottle in one of the top cupboards where he had begun to store his whisky, knowing that he needed to keep it out of direct sunlight. He would find a better spot for it once the rest of the house was in order, but for the time being, he knew it would be safe.

Buck began breaking down the box after he had finished emptying it. Today was going to be a hectic day for everyone. He had a lot of deliveries and businesses arriving to get quotations or do some maintenance on the house. He had hired pool maintenance, and Kono's cousin had gladly agreed to come and work on his pool because he had extensive experience with saltwater pools. Unfortunately, some of the other companies did not have his level of experience, and he wanted it done right. He had a team of three coming out to conduct a thorough inspection of his pool's plant room before deep cleaning the pool to ensure that all of the jets and pumps were clear and safe to use.

He also had a consultation with a security firm that Steve had paid for and organised behind his back. While they were looking around the property, Buck observed that some of the cameras that surrounded his new home were a little old and in need of an upgrade. Pele had given him a list of security companies that she recommended for his update, and he had planned to contact several of them for an estimate.

But he never had a chance; when Steve and Danny had dropped off the second load of his belongings from Steve's house, he went to find him. Buck was talking to Chin's cousin about the list of things he needed done when Steve approached him with that foolish grin on his face that he usually used when he knew he'd done something that would get him into trouble. Steve had told him that he and Danny were going to retrieve the next load of his belongings and go grocery shopping for him so that he would have some necessities in the house until he could go grocery shopping himself.

Buck had to pick his jaw up off the floor when Steve told him that he had not only arranged for Nick, a US Army sharpshooter with whom they had previously worked, to come and review his security and that he had paid for it already. Nick's security company had been at the top of Pele's list, and he had planned to contact Nick later in the week. But Steve obviously didn't want to wait. He had tried to argue with Steve or let him pay for the upgrades himself, but Steve would not allow it. Instead, he had announced to him that he would be examining Nick's work later, once it was completed, and that this was his housewarming gift to him.

Buck walked back to retrieve another box from the hallway when he heard the unmistakable sound of laughter upstairs. Buck couldn't help but chuckle as he retrieved another box labelled utility room from the hallway and returned to the kitchen. He recognised who it was; Kono and Chin had promised to tackle assembling the spare rooms' furnishings after it had been delivered. And it had been a lot. He apologised for all the labour they had to do, but they brushed him off. They told him they were pleased to help, but Kono chuckled and promised that if he gave them all dinner, they'd be even.

Thankfully, all the furniture had arrived flat-packed, with only a few items that couldn't be disassembled. But that didn't make them any less hefty as they unloaded the three trucks that had arrived in succession. He wanted to keep the natural vibe of the property by solely using solid wood products. He had ordered everything from a local warehouse that stored small business items, freeing up their premises. Chin had told him that almost all the furniture sold was handcrafted or locally made in Hawaii.

They did have to ask Chin's cousins for assistance with the big headboards, which arrived in a single piece. It was mainly to avoid damaging the wall when they hauled it up the stairs. Fortunately, they only had trouble with one of the headboards, as the second bed came with a solid headboard that could be disassembled without problems.

He had discovered a gorgeous bamboo timber bed with an open-frame headboard and spindles. He loved the Hawaiian vibe and felt it would look beautiful in the spare room, which was painted in a seafoam green, while he had ordered a strong light wooden frame fashioned from locally obtained driftwood for his grey room.

Chin and Kono launched a small competition after Kono joked that she could build the units faster than Chin. They had both chosen a room, and Buck had told them which pieces of furniture went in each room. And very much left them to it. Danny had encouraged him not to participate in their challenge because it was safer for everyone, but Steve simply laughed at the concept. That's why he hadn't asked Steve to help them put together any of the furniture and instead served as a delivery driver. As much as he loved his brother, he was well aware of Steve's competitive tendency, and he didn't think his house would survive that.

He'd already noticed Steve's competitive streak the night before. Buck hadn't planned on organising his own room just yet. He had brought the furnishings, but due to their size and the amount he had spent on them, they had arrived a day before everything else. He intended to keep them in the garage with everything else until he had a chance to put them up since he wanted to focus on the rest of the house, which he had planned to decorate and build himself.

However, Steve had changed his plans for him. He knew Steve meant well and only wanted to help him, but he found it a little bothersome that Steve didn't run the idea with him before putting it into action. However, he realised Steve merely wanted him to feel like a member of a family again after everything that had happened.

When Buck told Steve that he was going to keep the bedroom furniture in the garage until he had time to sort it out, Steve proposed that they go over there and organise his room so he could sleep in his own bed on his first night as it was arriving early. Buck shrugged his shoulders and stated that he wanted to work on the rest of the house and would be willing to sleep on the couch for the first night so that he did not waste his time off going over to the house to make up his bedroom furniture.

But Steve wasn't having that. Instead, he had virtually dragged him to the house, where they spent at least five hours assembling all the furniture for his new bedroom like he hadn’t just spent all day at work.

Buck had brought a super king bed made of Ōhi'a wood with a thick-panelled headboard. He had thought that a super king might be a little too much bed for one person, but because the previous owner had constructed the room with drop-down lights that would fit between that size of the bed, he would have to adjust the wiring in the room to make it work with any other size bed. And that seemed like too much work for a room he'd already fallen in love with.

They hadn't made the bed, just placed the new mattress after battling it up the stairs, with the intention of making it after they finished putting the rest of the room together. However, they were able to set up the set of drawers that he had brought to store a record system. He didn't want a television in his room because he preferred to keep it screen-free. But he didn't like sleeping in silence. He had a good little vinyl record collection that had been sent to him, and he needed a safe place to keep them. He had also ordered a few new recordings from musicians such as Ed Sheeran, Dean Lewis, and Paloma Faith in addition to his older tracks from Pink Floyd, Queen, and The Kinks, among others.

Buck then heard a vehicle on his drive and knew he had at least three more deliveries due today, so it was properly one of them. One delivery that he was really looking forward to was the delivery of his exercise equipment. And he had gone all out, creating his own personal gym that he would never need to go to a gym again and could do it all at home. He had brought a power rack, barbells and plates, a pull-up bar, adjustable barbells, a treadmill and a spin bike. A rowing machine as well as a boxing bag with gloves. In addition, there are a few Kettlebells of various weights and a fighting rope.

However, he had not only considered his workouts; he had also brought a yoga mat, resistance bands, a foam roller, and a massage gun for his recovery afterwards. He was aware of the risks associated with excessive exercise, so he decided to order everything he needed to ensure that he recovered properly. He had also ordered an ice bath, which he planned to keep near his outdoor shower because it made more sense. With the outdoor power, he could leave it plugged in and not bother about plugging it in before working out and could programme it to time well with his workouts.

In addition to the gym equipment, he was also going to get a delivery of tools and hiking equipment for his workshop. After surveying the space he had in his workshop, he determined ways to split it into distinct regions so that he could keep everything he required in a neat order. He would keep one-third of the space that sat closer to the garage for storing all of the tools he would need to work on and maintain his cars and bikes, as well as a very nice tool drawer that would hold nearly every tool he would need as well as some basic car maintenance supplies such as oil, screen wash, and coolant.

The next third in the middle of the room would hold all the other tools he would need to do the odd job around the house, such as basic hand tools like hammers and screwdrivers of various sizes, power tools like a new cordless drill and a circular saw, electrical and plumbing supplies, three workbenches, and a sawhorse. He'd also brought as many storage benches as he could to accommodate everything. He did not want things left out or out of place. Perhaps it was his OCD, but he did not want clutter.

For the final third of the workshop, he had bought some pre-assembled cabinets of various sizes to house all his camping, surfing, and diving equipment. He hadn't decided where he wanted to keep everything and had considered storing it in his enormous closet because he didn't have much clothing, but given how large the workshop was, he'd changed his mind.  With his surfboard kept outside, he understood he needed to focus on how to care for it. He'd brought some extra fins and leg leashes, a storage rack, at least five repair kits, Kono's recommended surf wax and comb, and a couple of traction pads. He had also brought a large bench that could but put away to save space but allowed him a good place to work on his board if he needed to make any repairs or where he could replace the wax when needed.

He had also brought an outside storage rack that he was going to set up near his outdoor shower so he could rinse it off after he had been surfing. As well as a rack for his Jeep Wrangler, which was being delivered with the rest of his vehicles.

He had brought it on his trips as he was concerned about ruining Maddie's truck into the ground and needed a vehicle that he could trust.  He had replaced his previous Wrangler recently with a Jeep Wrangler 2021 Willys Edition in Sarge Green before he had been hurt in the bombing, intending to get it out of storage and use it instead of Maddie's truck as the repairs it needed had started to creek up but that had changed after he was injured.

He hadn't scrapped his previous Wrangler, either; instead, he had donated it to one of his former brothers, who had been looking for an inexpensive car to take his daughter to school after his old truck's engine failed and he had been struggling financially. He had suggested buying him a new one for him, but his brother was as stubborn as the rest of them and refused to accept charity, even though he may have lost his job because of it. Instead, he sold him his old Wrangler, explaining that he was selling it cheap because of the miles on it and the fact that he was buying a new one. Not telling him that he had the entire vehicle serviced and everything changed that required it.

Buck also brought some new camping gear, primarily because Chin had mentioned a few routes that had amazing views that he needed to try, and he planned to. He had already planned a few trips and which campsites he would need to book once Doctor Gallagher gave him the go-ahead. He had brought a modest two-man tent, a camp stove and water-filtering equipment. He hadn't needed to buy much for camping because he had plenty in storage that was getting shipped over. Mr Sanderford had sent him a list of everything he was sending over. He didn't see the purpose in buying stuff he already owned. He needed a new tent because his old one had ripped on his last camping trip.

He intended to get as much new diving equipment as possible. He mainly utilised his Navy equipment that he had, which was most likely still in good condition, but he was aware that a few components needed to be replaced. He purchased a new face mask, a new BCD, a regulator, three new air tanks, and a limited quantity of O-rings and seals from a Navy contact (Steve had told him to use them). A new and updated dive computer and weight belt. He had also brought several spare hoses just in case. However, he had not brought a new dive knife or wetsuit since he had only recently upgraded to a combat diver suit made of neoprene. He had also purchased a regular wetsuit since he didn't want others (especially Eddie) to question why he was purchasing a wetsuit suited for covert operations and combat. However, he was so used to wearing one that it seemed strange not to.

And his dive knife was a gift from his teammates on his first-year anniversary of being on the team. They had it engraved with a little Trident on the blade for him. It was the first gift that made him cry; it had been a long time since someone had celebrated him for being himself, and he had kept it safe ever since. He never dived without it and felt wrong if he didn't have it on his leg.

Buck walked out onto the drive to see who had arrived, he discovered that it was all his new bedding, soft furnishings, and rugs, which he had purchased from a little furniture business run by Kono's Uncle's cousin. He had brought at least three sets of bedding for each room that matched the design of the room but wanted to be able to swap out the bedding if he had visitors over.

He knew he had gone a little overboard with how much he had brought, but he didn't care. He wanted everybody who stayed with him to consider this their home as well. Fortunately, he was able to unload the vehicle with help from the driver only. He put most of the items in the hallway with everything else, but he swiftly placed all the bedding for the ground floor bedroom onto the new mattress that they had already set up. He would finish that room later because he knew he would most likely break down thinking about how much Christopher would love this room so wanted to do it alone.

Throughout the day, Buck felt like he was running a marathon trying to organise each room. But, with everyone's help, they were able to make the house liveable. Most of the rooms were soon finished, or as close to being finished as possible. However, as he moved from room to room, Buck was able to construct a note on his phone of what else he needed. Think about replacing the sunroom shades with drapes or purchasing a spare bathmat for the upper bathroom. Things he had overlooked but could readily pick up. He knew he needed to count everything that was coming over in his cars and plan where they would go when they arrived.

When the gym equipment came, Buck had paid for an instalment team to come in and set up the gym properly. The gym was built to sit slightly out of the house, with large fall-to-ceiling windows that let in a lot of light, like the sunroom, so he wanted to set up the equipment to maintain that perspective. So, he had asked the team if they could keep the end of the room that looked out onto the garden as his recovery area, and they had agreed. When he entered his gym after they had finished, all his weights were near the door, with his cardio equipment sat in the middle while his yoga mat and recovery kit were set in the centre of the windows. Just how he wanted it.

By the end of the day, they had almost finished preparing his home.

Mr Sanderford had sent him a few items through the normal postal service. He'd have to wait for his vehicles, weapons, and some of the larger objects he wanted brought over, but Mr Sanderford had been able to send his important papers (which included some new contracts that he needed to sort out), some of his sketchbooks that he hadn't used, and some of his small keepsakes that he had collected on his road trip.

He had placed several of the keepsakes in his office, alongside a few books that he had brought about Hawaiian cultures and history. He placed all the paperwork in the safe and set a reminder to read over them later. He also knew that Mr Sanderford had given over all the sales information for his paintings, as well as a lengthy report on how his art tour was doing with visitor comments and the amount raised in each location. As he had put them away, he had also noticed a statement or something in the stack of papers about an incident that had happened, but he couldn't be bothered with it right now and would handle that later.

Nick had arrived on time, looking almost identical to the last time Buck had seen him. His sunglasses held back his black hair, a full beard that made him look slightly like a mountain man and he wore a t-shirt that was a touch too snug on him, exposing his muscles. But he was still sporting his stupid grin, which revealed his somewhat crooked teeth. Nick had gone over the entire property with a fine-tooth comb, making comments on how to strengthen security and any blind spots he found. After the walk around they had sat in Buck's new kitchen with two cups of coffee and gone over the plan. Nick wanted to install as many cameras as possible on each boundary of the outside of his new home and garage, each on an independent circuit, making it difficult for someone to break in and cut the camera feed.

Buck had previously changed all the locks when he bought the house as he did whenever he moved somewhere new, but Nick wanted to install smart locks on some of the internal doors to secure specific spaces such as his office and art studio. Nick had known about his reputation as a painter for some time and was aware of the value of Buck's work. Nick also recommended installing reinforced strike plates in a couple of spots to add additional safety. Thankfully, all the windows in the house were already reinforced, so he wouldn't have to replace any of them, which was a relief, but he did want to install glass break sensors on all windows that could be opened or accessed.

Nick had recommended a brand-new system with cutting-edge cameras covering every inch of his home and grounds. Buck had drawn a line in certain areas because he did not want to feel as if his every action was being tracked, which Nick understood. His new security cameras would have night vision, motion detection with phone alerts, high quality, and an AI feature to prevent them from scaring off any wildlife. Nick had also stated that he would be changing his office's storage and monitors to accommodate all the new cameras.

Buck also stated that he needed a video doorbell that could be viewed from at least two angles. One hidden and one on the door as usual, allowing him to see even if someone attempted to disguise their face from the camera on the door. Nick had loved the notion and had promptly taken note of it. He also assured that the technology they employed would not damage the door and that they would be able to install it alongside everything else.

Nick had already commented on the perimeter's lack of security, but he intended to change this. Fortunately, the fence encircling the property was new, made of stone, and reinforced with metal bars for increased strength, so it wouldn't need to be replaced; however, Nick intended to install security cameras in key spots, as well as motion detectors along the fence line and at the greenhouses. He also intended to replace the floodlights with motion detectors for his driveway and all entry points to his property.

Because the driveway gate was new and of good quality, Nick just suggested that they add a bit of additional protection with plate recognition, as well as new locks and a video to the entire system. Buck had laughed slightly when Nick compared his home to Fort Knox by the time he was finished.

Nick had also suggested that they install some nest cameras in the trees that encircled his beach access so that he could keep an eye out for any trespassers from the ocean. He said that the nest camera would be the ideal fit owing to its salt resistance and would be powered by a battery, but with a solar-powered function to keep the batteries charged.

Buck had read Nick's proposal and knew it would not be cheap. The sensors alone would be expensive, and even though Steve had stated that he would pay for them, he was upset that his brother would have to spend so much money to make these upgrades. He had questioned Nick honestly if he required all these changes and stated that he knew Steve was paying the bill, and he would gladly cover the difference if everything needed to be done so that Steve merely paid for a basic security position.

However, Nick would not have it. He stated that he had previously provided the plan to Steve and was only paying for the equipment used, not the instalment cost. Buck had attempted to argue with Nick, telling him that he would pay for it. But instead, Nick had laughed at him and took out a photograph from his wallet of a tiny boy about four years old. Buck was perplexed as to why Nick was showing him it until Nick pulled his t-shirt to see a nasty, jagged scar that went from his ribs to his back. And Buck remembered quickly how it had happened.

They had been working together in Afghanistan on an operation, with Nick's unit accompanying them for assistance due to the size of the compound they needed to target. Sadly, near the end of the operation, Nick's perch was discovered and the terrorists opened fire on the abandoned house where Nick was hiding. They tried to reach him in order to provide him with support, but the abundance of RPGs had caused the house to collapse with Nick inside it before they could reach him.

It had taken them over twenty minutes to pull Nick out, and by the time they found him, he had lost a lot of blood and was close to death. He had been wounded by shrapnel, which had split open his side deeply. Buck had knelt at Nick's head and saw the realisation in Nick's eyes; he knew death was inevitable and was at peace with it. However, this did not imply that they would allow him to give up and die. The medics from both teams worked hard to stabilise him while the rest of them waited for help to arrive. But it was not working. He was dying before their eyes.

Buck remembers one of the medics saying he needed blood, and without thinking, Buck checked Nick's blood type inscribed on all his dog tags and realised that they had the same blood type. Buck had immediately told the medics to use his blood to keep Nick alive until they could get him to the base hospital and doctors. It had taken a few units of Buck's blood to stabilise Nick sufficiently to transport him to the base hospital.

It was then that Buck realised what Nick was showing him, the photograph depicted Nick's son, who would not have been born if he had not given him his blood. Sure, they weren't supposed to give blood transfusions in the field, and they had gotten a lecture from Command about it since when they were ready to move, Buck had almost fainted due to blood loss. Nick said that his doctors had told him that if he had not been given the blood, he would not have survived.

Following his discharge from the Army, Nick explained that he had met the woman who is now his wife during his recovery, and they now had a son together. Buck had learnt from Nick's former unit that due to the location of his wound; Nick had lost one of his kidneys and had been discharged from the Army because of it. Nick didn't take it well, based on what he had heard from others. So, seeing him now prosperous with a family let him realise he had made a difference.

Nick held the photo in his hand and smiled before returning his gaze with a shrug and explaining that if it hadn't been for him, he wouldn't be living this life now. He wouldn't be able to wake up every morning to his lovely wife and wonderful son. So simply asking Steve to pay for the equipment and handle all instalment payments was nothing. As Buck signed the agreement, Nick promised to text him the next available date on which he could begin the instalment plan.

The sun had begun to set, and Buck found himself in the kitchen, reflecting on everything that had happened. Remembering that day had sparked something in him; he remembered standing up as the others carried Nick to the helicopter, only to notice that his vision began to dim. The next thing he remembered was Caleb holding him in his arms as they flew back to base, while a medic examined him.

Apparently, he donated a little too much blood and passed out from low blood pressure. But he had not been scared. He remembers letting his head fall upon Caleb's chest and knowing that he was entirely comfortable in his now ex's embrace. He wanted to know what had led a man who had sat with him in the medic tent, holding his hand as they waited for the drip in his arm to go through to raise his blood pressure, had abandon him like that. Caleb had promised to tell him everything, and he would make sure he did.

Buck looked at his phone and, without thinking, picked it up, opened the Messager app, and texted Caleb. It was a short message: 'Can we talk?'

Caleb messaged him back quickly; it was as if he had been sitting next to his phone since they first saw each other, waiting for him to call. 'Is everything okay?' Caleb enquired, and Buck could not help but smile slightly at the message. He knew he shouldn't let Caleb's remarks affect him, just in case he got hurt again. But he couldn't help it

"Can we meet for coffee tomorrow?" Buck texted back. He did not answer Caleb's message, but he knew Caleb would understand what he meant. Buck watched as the three little dots flashed on his screen as Caleb typed.

'Okay, when and where?' Caleb asked.

Buck exhaled and closed his eyes. He didn't want Caleb at his house, even though he wanted him here, but he couldn't let him into his safe place. Not until he understood what had happened and whether they could still be friends. But he also didn't want to pick a location that Steve could stake out because he'd have to tell him about the meeting, as well as text Sam to let him know he was meeting his ex.

He considered picking the beach or Kamekona’s but realised that Steve would most certainly keep an eye on him. Instead, he remembered a small café across the street from Pele's office. It was a small, family-owned establishment with only a few tables for seating, which was ideal given its location away from the main streets. He discovered it during one of his meetings with Pele, and it sold the best Kona coffee he had ever tasted.

So, he texted Caleb the location and asked if he was available around 10 a.m.; he knew Steve had a meeting with the governor at 9:30 a.m. for an hour, so he'd be able to speak with Caleb for about 30 minutes before Steve arrived. But that wouldn't deter Sam; he knew it was improbable that Sam would be able to get a flight right now, and even if he did, Sam would respect his space and stay in the car until he was ready.

Caleb readily agreed to the plan and finished it with, 'And I swear I will tell you everything.'

Caleb's words echoed loudly in his head. He was finally going to find out the truth, and for the first time, he was ready. He sent a brief 'ok, see you tomorrow' before setting his phone down on the island and closing his eyes. He couldn't believe he had done it. He had scheduled a meeting with his ex to get the answers that had been keeping him awake at night.

But then his mind began to run through different scenarios for what would happen when he eventually sat down with his ex.

Did Caleb meet someone new and better than him?

Did he simply fall out of love with him?

Or did he do something that made him hate him and drove him away?

Buck was so immersed in his thoughts that he didn't see Steve had entered the kitchen with five bags of groceries until he had placed them on the island. The abrupt thud of the bags caused him to jump and almost fall off his seat. Thankfully, Steve failed to notice he had startled him since he was too busy explaining himself for buying him so much food. Looking closer at the groceries Steve had brought in Buck noticed that there was a bag full of vegetables, another with fruit, one with dairy and cheese, one with meat, and last with bread, pasta, and rice.

Buck planned to go shopping as soon as the house was ready, and he intended to live on takeaway or eat whenever he was out until then. Steve had already stated that he could borrow his truck anytime he wanted it, and he had even planned for Danny to pick him up and off every morning and night until his own vehicles got delivered.

Thankfully, Mr Sanderford had expedited everything, but it would still take at least a week for his belongings to arrive. But happily, he didn't have to go to the dock and retrieve his things because Mr Sanderford had arranged for everything to be sent to his house once they arrived. Mr Sanderford had given him all the shipping information as soon as everything was loaded into the shipping containers, so he knew exactly what was in each container. He was expecting three containers in all. One contained three of his cars, another contained his other car, as well as all his motorbikes, and the third, contained all his art supplies, weaponry, and other items he had acquired over his travels.

Including a bronze statue, he discovered in Mexico from an elderly sculptor he met. He had intended to move the statue into his new home, which he planned to purchase with Caleb, but had put it in storage following their breakup. It was a magnificent Mexican bronze sculpture depicting an elegant horse galloping. The artist had included traditional patterns and textures to evoke Mexico's rich cultural past, as he requested. The bronze's surface has a deep patina, giving it an old and timeless look. The sculpture's base is covered with Aztec or Mayan-inspired engravings, which add to its historical relevance. The statue had been pricey to create, but he didn't mind. He had wanted to include Caleb's Mexican heritage in their home, even though Caleb had previously told him that he no longer felt connected to it so it didn't matter to him. He loved the artist's work and had witnessed Caleb's love for it. But now he wanted it in his house. It has been in storage for too long.

He also owned several Hand-Carved Animal Fetishes that he had acquired while assisting on a Native American reservation with some rebuilding after a big storm, as the Chief had graciously granted him permission to sleep on their territory for a time. He genuinely enjoyed working with them. As well as a few other antiques and artwork that he had brought along on his travels.

Buck watched Steve put away all the food he had brought and couldn't help but shake his head as his brother worked. He couldn't believe Steve had bought him enough food for a week, but he understood why his brother had done it. Steve was still concerned that he wasn't eating enough, and he was correct. His appetite was not the best; it had never recovered since he left LA. It had improved, and he could now eat tiny adult meals, but he still felt sick if he ate too much. Doctor Gallagher had told him that he was training his stomach to consume normal meals again after eating little or nothing for so long.

"You ok?" Steve asked with concern, and Buck recognised why he was worried. He realised he must have turned pale thinking about his conversation with Caleb.

"You didn't have to do that," Buck stated gently, pointing to the now-empty bags. He appreciated everything Steve was doing for him. But he worried that if Steve did too much for him, he would start to resent him. And he never intended that to happen. He was his annoying little brother, who had returned to his life after cutting him out for so long and had completely turned his life upside down.

Steve chuckled and shook his head, "You need to eat, and I didn't get you too much." He replied with a shrug as he continued to put away the food.

"Five bags?" Buck remarked, smiling and pointing to each bag. If Steve thought five bags wasn't a lot, he was concerned about how much food Steve would like.

"I wanted to get more," Steve explained, shrugging his shoulders.

"Thanks, though," Buck murmured softly, knowing Steve was simply trying to help.

"Danny's gone to pick up the pizzas and Chin and Kono said upstairs is nearly done," Steve replied as he began to store the bags in an empty drawer so that he could reuse them if needed. "Both spare rooms are set up, and the beds are made. Include your bed. Kono stated that your bed feels like a cloud. You might lose your bed if you let her stay here." He added, laughing.

Buck closed his eyes and sighed. "I was supposed to buy dinner."

That was the way that he wanted to say thank you for helping him in making his house a home. After Chin's relatives finished with the electrical, two of them helped take the boxes into the correct rooms (thanks to Danny's labelling) to make unpacking easier. After Nick had departed, Buck had walked through his house to see the hallways clear of boxes, knowing they were almost there. Almost finished unpacking all he had brought or received.

"You can pay Danny back for the pizza if you want," Steve remarked, shrugging his shoulders, but Buck noticed the twinkle in Steve's eye and knew he had planned this. Steve was aware that he would complain to him about it, but he didn't care. 

Buck nodded in response, but he knew that Danny wouldn't accept the money. But he was willing to try. Danny had Grace to think about, his money should be directed towards her or saved for a rainy day. He did not pay for the food he had promised to buy as a thank-you for all their help. Danny could have spent the day playing and spending time with his daughter instead of helping him move.

They fell silent again, and Buck began to fiddle with his phone, his screen still blank on the island, to escape this talk, he knew was coming. He was aware that Steve was closely monitoring him to better understand what was going on with him, but he didn't want to discuss it. He still had a lot to do. All his outside furniture was scheduled to arrive tomorrow afternoon, so he'd be back in time after concluding his meeting with Caleb, but he still had a lot of pictures and wall hangings from the market to hang. He hadn't hung many of them since he wanted to see how the place looked before putting too much on the walls.

"You want to tell me what's going on with you?" Steve asked, and Buck noticed that Steve had stepped closer to him and leaned against the island, attempting to get him to look at him. He knew Steve had a good interrogator and knew that if he didn't tell him then he would get him to talk. But talking about this was tough. He wasn't sure how Steve would respond to the news that he had agreed to speak with Caleb. He knew Steve would support him, but Steve was still angry with Caleb, perhaps much more than he was.

"I'm meeting Caleb tomorrow," Buck stated carefully. 

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Steve piped up: "Ok, did he ask for it?"

Buck sighed and understood Steve's query; he hadn't spoken of Caleb since he had lost his rag with Steve. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk about him; he'd already spoken with Doctor Copeland about Caleb, but talking about Steve was always more difficult. This is especially true now that his feelings for the man have rekindled. Steve had never concealed how much he despised Caleb for what he had done to him.

Buck knew Steve would never forgive Caleb for what he had done, and he had even told him that if he ever saw the man, he would not be held responsible for his actions. But he respected Buck enough to keep his emotions under control, for now. But that didn't mean he wouldn't threaten Caleb several times to ensure he understood what would happen if he hurt his younger brother again. And he would not be the only one.

"No, I did," Buck said, shaking his head no. "It's time," he said with a sigh. It was time. It was time for him to face the reality, no matter how much it upset him.

"I can be there…" Steve began to speak as if he was trying to recall whether he had any meetings that he could convince Danny to attend, completely forgetting about his appointment with the governor. Perhaps he simply intended to ignore the Governor's request that he attend the meeting in person.

"No, Steve, I need to do this by myself," Buck stated firmly. As much as he wished his brother could be there to keep him together, he realised he had to do this alone. He wanted to be able to ask all the awkward questions he wanted to ask Caleb, knowing that some of them would make Steve blush. He also didn't want Caleb to think he couldn't tell him the truth because he was afraid Steve could hurt him if he said the wrong thing.

"Ok but…" Steve started, but the sound of the front door opening prompted them to turn.

"Pizza is here!" Danny's voice rang out from the hallway, and they could hear Chin and Kono fighting to be the first one downstairs. The aroma of hot, delicious pizza permeated the house, and Buck couldn't help but feel his mouth water. Danny had only consented to eat pizza if he could choose the location, as he knew where to find the best pizza on the island. And he wasn't wrong: the smell was incredible.

Danny entered the kitchen, with Chin and Kono behind him. Thankfully, Buck had previously laid the table runner to protect the table from harm, so Danny placed the four pizza boxes on the table while Steve fetched some plates.

"We'll finish this later," Steve remarked, gesturing to him as he walked by with the plate. Kono began to pass out bottles of cola to everyone.

Buck nodded in agreement, knowing that he was unlikely to get out of that conversation. As Steve passed, he followed and took his position at the head of the table (which Steve had pointed out to him). And they started to eat. Danny had brought a Neapolitan, pepperoni, Hawaiian (which Danny wasn't happy about and made his feelings known), and BBQ chicken. Buck realised from the smell that they weren't the pizza that was ready to be delivered. Instead, they were all freshly made. All smelled amazing. 

They laughed, joked, and spoke about everything and anything. Kono pondered what the surf might be like over the weekend and hinted to Buck that they should hit the waves again if they were any good and they didn't have a case. While Danny was enthused about Grace's spelling bee victory, Rachel yelled at him about Grace's teacher saying that she might need a little more help with maths, and Rachel wanted to hire a maths tutor to assist her. Grace was not failing her maths class; her grade was only one lower than her previous classes. Rachel had said that if he did not have the money, she would make Stan pay for it. Buck knew from what Steve had told him that Danny hated it when his ex-wife used her new husband's money to make him seem like a bad father. Something he obviously wasn't, and they had told him so.

As their conversations continued for the first time in a long time, Buck felt in charge of his life. At the conclusion of the night, Chin offered as he picked up his coat to arrange a Pū Blessing for the home if he was interested. Buck had been drawn to the idea ever since he read about the various benefits that may be bestowed. He read about the Pū Blessing and wanted to do it but needed to find a Kahu (a spiritual leader) to do so. He gladly accepted Chin's offer to go on the Kahu he knew and coordinate everything.

Buck had remembered (luckily) to message Sam that he was meeting Caleb tomorrow and that if he couldn't make it in time, he would let him know what happened. He knew Steve was going to tell everyone about their meeting even if he didn't. He knew that by the end of the week, everyone on his previous team would have learnt that he had met with Caleb, and it wouldn't surprise him if his house was raided by a dozen Seals seeking explanations.

Buck was left alone in his new home after fighting with Steve for twenty minutes about being left alone in his own home. Buck knew Steve was concerned about letting him out of his sight after everything that had transpired, and he only agreed to leave after Buck promised to text him in the morning.

Buck sighed as he looked about his new home after everyone else had left. He couldn't help but walk around his house like he was in a daze. He'd put the remaining pizza in the refrigerator, the dirty plates and glasses in the dishwasher, and turned out the lights. As he approached the stairs, he checked to ensure that all the doors were locked. He'd heard Steve check his front door after he'd locked it and left.

Buck couldn't help but look about his new living room, which now looked like someone lived there instead of an empty shell. He made his way to his bedroom, smiling softly at the idea of this being his. He couldn't believe he owned this home. He quickly checked the other bedrooms to ensure that all lights were turned off before entering his own.

As he entered the room, he noticed his bed had been freshly made, just as Steve had told him. His large comfortable bed was now made with the soft cream linen he had brought, as well as green and brown throw pillows and a throw blanket arranged neatly at the end. He noticed his suitcases had been placed in the wardrobe doorway, ready for him to decide where he wanted to store them. Looking around his new room, Buck felt it was a little too spacious for only him, but he also felt at home.

He groaned, closed his eyes, and leaned against the door frame. Just standing in his room made him feel even more exhausted. He felt his muscles relax with each minute he stood in his bedroom. But even though he wanted to very much just fall into bed; he was sweaty and was in very much need of a shower before he could think of getting into his new bed. He didn't bother to open his eyes, instead, he simply walked into the bathroom, undressed, and didn't open them again until he was in the shower. He found himself chuckling at how easy it was to go through his house without opening his eyes. It took him at least two weeks at his previous flat in Los Angeles to feel confident doing that, but here, it was as if he had been here forever.

Buck switched on the warm shower and moaned as it rained down on his body. It felt great; his muscles responded to the water in ways they had never done before. Picking up his shower bar, he began rubbing it on his sore muscles. He didn't want to think about what would happen tomorrow, but he knew he couldn't go into that café without thinking things through. But right now, he felt his eyes becoming heavy and knew sleep was calling him.

He had no idea how he managed it, but the next thing he knew, he was lying in his new bed (which felt fantastic on his exhausted bones) staring up at the ceiling. He knew tomorrow would be life-changing. Finally, he'd have answers to the questions that had been haunting his dreams for so long.

He just hoped he was strong enough to handle them.

-

Buck sat nervously tapping his foot, trying not to panic, while sipping his excessively hot tea and listening to the conversation of other customers and workers. The café was small, with only twenty small tables with a busy counter stocked with fresh pastries and sandwiches. The smell of freshly ground and roasted coffee permeated the air. It smelt incredible, which was one of the reasons he came in that day and has since grown to love it. The café was designed in a modern style with elements of Hawaiian culture. It was more welcoming and comfortable than any other café he had ever visited.

He arrived at the café earlier than planned. He had left much earlier than he wanted to, but he couldn't stop himself. He had gotten up at 6 a.m., tried to have breakfast but only managed to eat a single piece of toast so he could take his meds, showered, and changed his clothes six times in an attempt to find something that made him feel confident (although he was anything but).  He eventually ended up wearing some distressed dark blue jeans that looked almost grey that he'd had for a long time, a brown t-shirt with a plaid flannel shirt on top, and some slightly worn work boots. He had picked up his military-style field jacket that he had found in a charity shop. He knew he shouldn't be so nervous, but for some reason, he couldn't control his emotions. He had attempted to sit on the couch or find something to do, such as unpack a few more boxes or sort out his wardrobe, but he couldn't concentrate.

Instead, he left far too early and found himself sitting in Steve's truck, looking at the café just across the street from where he had parked, trying to keep himself from having a panic attack. Why was he doing this? Why was he doing this to himself? He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and as he pulled it out, he noticed it was a message from Caleb. The mere thought of Caleb texting him triggered his anxiousness. His anxiety told him that Caleb had messaged him, stating he had changed his mind and did not want to meet him ever again, but he knew in his heart that Caleb would never do that to him.

He felt his heart in his throat as he saw that he had a few texts in his inbox, the first of which was from Caleb, simply letting him that he was leaving his hotel and would be there as soon as possible. Buck smiled at the comment, and he nearly kicked himself for believing Caleb would break his word. Another message came from Sam, telling him that he hadn't been able to get a flight the previous evening but was on his way to Hawaii now and that if Caleb hurt him, they would be having a chat. Buck laughed, but he knew Sam wasn't lying. Sam had managed to get on the 5 a.m. flight and would arrive in Hawaii at 11 a.m. Sam told him that he would stay at the airport until his meeting finished before taking a cab to his house. Buck already shared his address since he trusted Sam with it, but he found himself smiling as he reflected on how much respect Sam showed him by respecting his space. Something felt odd to him now.

Another message came from Steve; his brother had kept it brief and to the point. Steve basically told him that if he needed him, he would have his phone turned up loud (which he assumed he shouldn't have because he was at an important meeting), and he would be there. Regardless of what he was doing at the time. And Buck believed him. He knew that if he merely texted Steve that he needed him, Steve would drop everything and get to him.

There were a few other messages from his fellow brothers, some of whom he hadn't spoken to since he left, informing him that they planned to visit Hawaii in the coming weeks and wanted to catch up. Buck couldn't help but chuckle as he realised where it all came from. It was evident to him that Steve had properly connected them, telling them that he needed his brothers to reach out if they could.

Buck couldn't help but miss his brothers more than ever after seeing their names. God, getting the gang back together sounds fantastic. He could envision his house filled with his brothers, laughing and joking about what they were going to do and simply enjoying each other's company. He knew he was going to plan that when he got back, but he had a hunch that Danny would leave the island because he had openly declared that he did not want to be on the island with Steve's former team that close to him. He couldn't help but laugh at the concept.

Buck looked up at the café and realised he'd wasted enough time hiding in Steve's truck and needed to get a table so he and Caleb could talk. He couldn't hide when he was so close to finding the answers to the pain that he had suffered. With a sigh, he hopped out of Steve's truck and walked towards the café.

As he entered the café, the workers greeted him as they regularly did while serving other customers or collecting empty glasses. He swiftly removed his jacket and placed it over the back of his chair, claiming his normal table. The table was positioned in the café's window to the corner further from the door, with one of the seats resting against the wall. He always preferred this table because, with his back to the wall, he had the best view of the entire café, including the door leading to the kitchen. He could also look out the window, keeping an eye on who came and exited the cafe.

Buck asked for his usual black tea with milk, along with a glass of water. He didn't want to order Caleb something he didn't like because he understood people's tastes change over time, so he didn't want to order him something he may dislike. As he took his seat, he placed the glass of water in front of the other chair and stirred his milk into the hot tea leaves, not realising he had already mixed the milk in.

He had placed his phone on the table by the window in case he needed to respond to any of Caleb's texts. He had intended to set it to silent mode but knew better. Steve would kill him if he put his phone on silent. Steve had one rule for him: if he failed to respond after missing three calls and leaving three unread messages, all bets were off. He would drive, fly, or sprint to his location, guns blazing. And Buck believed him.

He took a sip of his tea, feeling the hot liquid burn his lip slightly, but he didn't care because his brain was too busy trying to keep him calm. He continued to drink his tea, but he wasn't enjoying it as much as he usually did. It had an odd taste. However, he was aware that nothing had changed. The tea, milk, and water were all the same as before. Nonetheless, the taste seemed bland. Perhaps he put too much milk or did not allow the tea leaves to soak long enough.

But Buck understood deep down that the dull flavour was unrelated to the tea. It was excellent as always; the tea kettle was hot, keeping the hot water hot while steeping the tea, the milk was fresh from the local dairy farm, and the water was at the proper temperature. Buck shook his head and continued drinking his tea. He knew it wasn't the tea, but him.

He'd read extensively about what stress could do to the human body. He'd read somewhere that persistent stress caused a decrease in saliva production, which makes it difficult for people to identify flavours correctly. He remembered that the pizza he had eaten with Steve the night before hadn't tasted normal but attributed this to not been to that pizza place before. But merely drinking his usual tea made him realise that the tension was getting to him again, but this time in a new way.

Buck had been o lost in thought that he had not noticed someone entering the café until they cleared their throat. Jumping slightly, he looked up and spotted Caleb standing in front of him, appearing just as nervous as him.

"Hi," Buck responded, noticing Caleb hovering.

"Hi, Ev," Caleb responded softly.

"Can I sit?" Caleb asked, pointing to the chair across from him. Buck did not say anything but nodded and motioned for him to sit. He then noticed Caleb had already ordered a drink from the counter, which smelt like Kona coffee with a small amount of milk but not enough to dilute it. Caleb always liked strong coffee and would drink it black if he could get away with it. Buck knew that Caleb had only put milk in his coffee when he didn't know the strength of the coffee bean, as he used to claim that the milk added a little sweetness, and he would know if he liked the bean if he added a little milk. 

Caleb looked amazing in a grey fitted t-shirt that showed off his beautiful body, and khaki chinos that fitted him with a brown belt. Buck had noticed that he was wearing a pair of brown canvas trainers that he recalled Caleb wearing while they were dating. He also wore a blue denim jacket folded up at his elbows to show off his tattoos, but he removed it as soon as he sat down.

"Thanks for agreeing to meet with me," Caleb replied softly.

"I wanted closure," Buck stated, although he thought he may have been too harsh after seeing Caleb flinch at his comment. He felt awful about his comments. He did not want to hurt Caleb; he simply wanted answers.

"I promise you; I will answer any questions you have," Caleb replied, nodding, and Buck could see the pain in his eyes. Caleb sighed and gulped as if he were trying not to vomit, "You still drinking that tea?" He asked quietly pointing at his cup.

"Yer," Buck responded, grinning as he remembered Caleb commenting on how much tea he drank and questioning if he had English in his blood. To be honest, he had considered Caleb's comment because he enjoyed several British things. He liked tea over coffee and went to pubs rather than a bar. He loved fish and chips and would order them every time he saw them on the menu. And enjoyed food that others would classify as British.

"I remember, I had to special order it for you when we couldn't find it." Caleb chuckled, recalling Buck's complaint for over several hours about not being able to find the blend he loved and acting as if someone had killed his best friend.

"I remember that…" Buck chuckled, "You didn't need to go through this." He then added.

Caleb chuckled and took a sip of his coffee before saying, "You sulked so much that everyone practically chipped in to get your favourite blend shipped from England." Caleb admitted with a laugh. It was awesome to hear Caleb's laugh again, but it almost made his heart skip a beat. He missed hearing Caleb's laugh which was only one of the things he missed about him. Watching Caleb laugh and bring up old memories made him relive them, but it also felt like a knife was piercing further into his heart. He missed those days, but he couldn't separate what happened on the day Caleb left him from those happy memories.

But the remark about the rest of the team pitching in to make him happy was not one he remembered. He didn't think he was that awful; certainly, he was annoyed that the shop he found that sold his English tea had suddenly stopped selling it, but he didn't think he was that bad. "I wasn't that bad?" He objected, shaking his head, but Caleb's cheeky grin indicated that he disagreed.

"You threatened to string Alec up and make him watch as you dismantled his personal drone that he was building piece by piece," Caleb added, laughing heartily.

Buck felt himself blush and his face became scarlet as he remembered the threat. Alec was a tech prodigy who was mainly in charge of any technology they used. Hell, if they got any new technology, he'd beg to borrow it, disassemble it, and rebuild it so he could do it in the field if necessary. He was fascinated with technology and wanted to know how everything worked. But his priority had always been to keep his brothers alive. He had upgraded all their equipment with cutting-edge technology, including trackers that they wore connected to their dog tags which only the team had access to, which was kept very confidential between them. Joe was the only commander who could use the system while they were on the ground, and any of them could log in to locate their brethren if necessary.

Alexander Eriksson was born to Swedish parents who moved to the United States when Alec was ten years old. He was a computer genius who had even gotten in trouble for hacking into his school's network so he could increase his computer time since he thought an hour wasn't enough time to achieve what he wanted. He joined the Navy to get away from his uncle, who wanted him to return to Switzerland after his father died and his mother returned home to 'assist' with the family company. He didn't want to be a part of this firm because it had severe rules that completely controlled him. Something that Alec loathed.

Alec was a free spirit, a confirmed bachelor who cherished his way of life. Alec, like him, was bisexual, but because he was older than Buck, he survived the don't ask, don't tell policy and never openly admitted his sexuality. When Buck first appeared on the team, he took him aside and told him that he was braver than him. Everyone on the team was aware that he was bisexual, but he had never come out, and no one commented on it. But after coming out and dating Caleb, Alec began to talk more openly about his 'friends with benefits' and relationships, as if it were natural for him to do and nobody complained about it.

However, the day Caleb had delivered his tea to him Alec had joked about possibly drinking a cup right in front of him which did not go well for him. Everyone knew Buck was possessive of his tea and more so since he had to go a week without it.

"I did not," Buck defended himself, but he knew Caleb was telling the truth.

"Yes, you did, he kept that drone locked up tight ever since and kind of stopped drinking tea for a few months as you scared him that much," Caleb replied with a chuckle.

"Shut up," Buck replied, laughing along with him.

They had barely been back on base for a day when he walked in on Alec trying to get down the tub where he had hidden his tea, and when he joked about making tea for everyone in his usual hilarious voice to get a rise from him. Buck was tired, hungry, and just wanted to have one of his cups of tea before heading home with Caleb to sleep for a week. Seeing Alec attempting to get his tea and joking about it pushed him over the edge. He would never hurt his brother, instead telling him that if he touched his tea, he would knock him out, tie him up, and then wake him up to watch him slowly dismantle his personal drone, which he had built from scratch for when he went on long hikes to get some good aerial videos to sell online to companies. Threatening to dismantle it prompted Alec to turn white and flee the room.

They established a new rule within the base from that day that they were prohibited from touching Bomber's tea unless they wanted to face Bomber's fury. And nobody wanted that. After Alec came running into their locker room telling everyone what Bomber had just said, Steve had Caleb take Buck home to calm him down and relax.

They both fell silent once more. The silence was overwhelming. Buck didn't know how to begin this conversation; he had all the questions he needed answered in his brain, but when it came to talking, he couldn't get the words out. He began to mentally kick himself; he finally had the opportunity to acquire the answers he desired, and now he was bottling it.

"But seriously, Ev, I meant everything I said. You can ask me anything." Caleb finally broke the silence, saying, "No more lies, no more secrets."

"You promise?" Buck muttered while playing with his teacup. He wanted to believe Caleb when he said he would give him the truth, but he couldn't entirely trust him since he had abandoned him despite pledging never to do so.

"I promise," Caleb replied softly.

Buck looked into Caleb's eyes and saw a lot of emotions swimming around them, but he also noticed that Caleb had a determined look on his face that reminded him of many times when Caleb would say he was doing something (even if it was very dangerous or stupid for him) and fight tooth and nail to make sure he did it.

"Why did you leave?" Buck questioned in a whisper, but he knew Caleb heard him. Buck could see the pain in Caleb's eyes from the question, and he glanced away, as if staring at him was making him feel worse, which made a little part of him pleased. He remembered the grief he had felt, the heartbreak and anger as Caleb walked out the door for the last time, leaving him to clean up the disaster that was his life.

Caleb sighed and wiped his nose with his hand before saying, "To protect you."

Buck was taken aback by Caleb's statement; did he mean he was protecting him? What are we protecting him from? He did not comprehend him. He was a seal, for goodness’s sake, why would he require protection? He anticipated Caleb to continue and tell him that he had found someone else or that he had fallen out of love with him, but he had never been in this situation before. And why would he? It made no sense.

"What?" Buck enquired, making certain that Caleb understood his confusion.

Caleb began to bite his lip slightly, indicating that he was having difficulty putting his thoughts into words. But then he sighed again, and Buck noticed Caleb was carrying an invisible weight around with him, which appeared to be crushing him.

"Do you remember me telling you about my second cousin's son, Leo? He was fifteen and was making problems for my auntie, whom they were staying within Mexico." Caleb enquired, and Buck could detect the hurt in his voice.

Of course, he remembered Caleb's stressful and dysfunctional family. Caleb had broken down one night after they had been drinking before they had gotten together and told him that he was in low contact with his family; his father had died of an overdose in prison after being sentenced for attacking him, his mother and a police officer. His mother was a broken woman who had returned to Mexico when his father had been sentenced to prison.

The family blamed Caleb for his father's incarceration since he had screamed for his father to stop hitting his mother, prompting a neighbour to call the police. His father then attacked the police officers, forcing them to forcibly remove him from the house to protect Caleb and his mother, who was rendered unconscious because of the beating. However, he did not defend his father like his mother did. Instead, he had said the truth. He wanted him arrested, and the cops did just that.

However, most of his family had refused to speak or acknowledge him after that, except for a handful. His aunt and uncle in Mexico on his mother's side despised his father and were relieved that Caleb had spoken up for his mother because she was too broken to do so herself. He also had a great relationship with his Abuela, and he had even gotten to meet her during a visit to see his family. It was during one of these visits that Buck remembered being introduced to Leo by Caleb’s Auntie.

"I believe so; he didn't stay long at your Abuela's birthday and caused a commotion when your uncle asked where he was going," Buck replied, but he couldn't recall much about the kid. Leo had become angry and clearly looking for a fight with anyone who gave him a cause, but that was it. When Caleb asked what was going on with him, Abuela told him that Leo had lost his way and had fallen into a terrible crowd. 

Buck was aware that Caleb had attempted to contact Leo to help him but had been blocked. Leo had either blocked his number or simply left it on read. And that pained Caleb a lot; Buck often held him as he grieved silently, trying to figure out why Leo was so angry. Caleb loved his family, even if they weren't always kind to him.

"He's dead," Caleb stated clearly and without emotion as if he were telling him something trivial.

"What?" Buck asked, astonished, unable to comprehend what Caleb had just told him. "When?" he added, attempting to figure out what was going on. Was this why Caleb left? Because of Leo's death, or was it later and he departed to help him?

"Before I left," Caleb responded without emotion.

"What happened Caleb?" Buck asked quietly, and without realising it, he reached out and grabbed one of Caleb's hands. It was soft, yet he could feel the calluses that covered his hand. But when he got hold of it, he could tell Caleb was physically shivering with emotion.

"He started using, got involved with the cartels, and ended up owning them so much that they owned him," Caleb began to explain, still in an impersonal tone, but Buck knew him better than that; just talking about it was hurting him. Buck was aware that Caleb and Leo's relationship was strained, but he was still family.

"He got roped into being a drug mule and something went wrong with a shipment, and they blamed him for it, so they killed him." Caleb then finished.

"When?" Buck asked gently. He could feel Caleb's pain in his face, and he knew what had happened based on the pain in his eyes. Leo's death was not recent, but he had no idea how it was related to what had occurred between them.

"A week before I left you," Caleb replied rapidly. Making everything genuine was similar to stating what had actually occurred. "You remember I left for that short trip a week before I left?" Caleb asked.

Buck paused for a moment before remembering. "Yer, I remember," Buck replied, still unsure of Caleb's point.

Buck was gone out with Steve a week before he left on this trip, looking (secretly) at wedding venues, but Caleb thought that they had gone to a new restaurant that Steve had wanted to try. After they'd seen the third venue, he received a text from Caleb saying he was leaving for a few days and would explain everything when he returned, which never happened. When Caleb returned, instead of explaining things, he had ended things with him.

"I went to his funeral," Caleb replied sadly.

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have gone with you," Buck said, gripping his hand to provide him with some comfort. But he was also a little upset; why hadn't Caleb told him about this? Why would he keep him in the dark?

"I'm not sure; when I got the call, I felt numb. You were out with Steve, and I simply needed to get there. I did not want to ruin your day, so I went alone." Caleb explained, and Buck could tell that Caleb's emotions were beginning to emerge. He wasn't lying, and he knew it. When Caleb's emotions became too overwhelming, he began to babble, and he was currently doing so.

"What happened Caleb?" Buck enquired cautiously; something in Caleb's voice indicated that there was something more going on. There was something fractured in Caleb's voice, and he understood at that moment that Leo's death was connected to everything that happened to them.

"The funeral was quiet, with only a few people there. Apparently, his drug usage caused him to sever a few relationships." Caleb shrugged while explaining. It seemed as if he didn't want to recall how small the funeral was; he plainly believed that family meant more. That was so Caleb. He had constantly tried to contact his mother after she returned to Mexico, but she never returned his calls. But that did not mean he gave up trying. Every year on her birthday, Caleb called to wish her a happy birthday and sent her a card with money inside.

"Afterwards when I was leaving, Joe was there…" Caleb then explained, and Buck felt as if the world had frozen.

"Joe?" He enquired, perplexed. What the hell was Joe doing in Mexico?

The sound of the café door opening startled them both as a couple entered laughing, holding hands as they headed to the counter to place their order. Buck's eyes followed the young pair, evidently in love, but when he looked back, he found Caleb's gaze had not left his. As if the world around them didn't matter because he was seated in front of him.

"Yer, I had no idea he was there until I left the church," Caleb said as they returned to their talk.

But then he paused. Buck wondered if he needed a moment to figure out how to express himself, but then he sighed loudly and ran his hand through his hair. "The next thing I knew, I was sitting in a conference room with the DEA, Mexican Special Forces, and the Navy. They started talking about a joint operation they were putting together and asked if I would be a part of it," Caleb stated.

"What?" Buck whispered.

He'd never heard of this operation, and Steve never told him anything about it. Did he know? Did Joe tell him but recommend him to remain quiet? He didn't want to think Steve was keeping this from him, but he could see how Joe could place him in that predicament. Buck didn't want to believe Joe could do this to them, but then he remembered something: Joe had always sworn to serve his country, which could include lying to them if necessary. But hearing that Joe was involved sparked a lot of rage; Joe had seen the grief Caleb's departure had on him.

"The cartel had started to use kids as their mules and if they stepped out of line or caused a problem then they would just kill them and move on." Caleb began to explain. "That's what happened with Leo, he was a mule for them and apparently one of the packages got stuck in his gut so they gutted him so they wouldn't lose product." He stated and Buck couldn't believe what he was hearing.

They'd all heard terrible stories about what the cartel did to those who crossed them. They had seen reports, photographs, and news articles about cartel casualties. Buck and Steve had discussed what they would do if they were ever captured by the cartel a week before Caleb had joined the team while on their route to an operation in Mexico. Buck had been honest with Steve, telling him that he would rather be dead than captured by them. His rationale was that he had been abused enough in his life and did not want his brothers to receive a tape of them torturing him.

"Jesus," Buck muttered as he squeezed Caleb's hand. The notion of someone being gutted made him physically sick, but when he realised it had happened to a child and one of Caleb's family members, he understood why Caleb got so angry. He would have gone to help him if he had told him that.

"I couldn't let that go. I couldn't allow them to get away with it. I wanted someone to pay, so I volunteered to undertake the mission for the sake of my family." Caleb explained, and Buck discovered him nodding in accord. Of course, he understood Caleb's desire for vengeance. Whoever committed that to a child deserved to suffer in hell. But he couldn't understand why Caleb thought he had to accomplish this on his own, and why he kept everything from him. Caleb understood he would have offered help without hesitation. Or he believed he did.

"I get that, but I don't understand…" Buck tried to explain to Caleb that he didn't understand why he hadn't come to him and told him everything when they were together, and why he had kept this from him. He thought they were a team, partners, but he had lied to him. He needed to understand why.

Caleb sighed and gripped Buck's hand as if he were his lifeline. Buck stared into Caleb's eyes and saw only love and grief wrapped up together. "Ev…" Caleb started and then stopped. Buck detected emotion in Caleb's throat. He knew whatever Caleb was going to say would hurt more than what he had told him about Leo. Caleb inhaled loudly and sharply before proceeding. "It was a deep cover op, Evan. That meant I had no communication with anyone outside of my handlers."

Buck found himself frozen in place. Of course, he understood what deep cover operations entailed, and he always hated the concept of them. The operator was thrown into the lion's den with no backup or support and was told to gather as much intelligence as they could and try to make it out alive. There was no reminder to stay safe or that intel was secondary to the operator's life. He and Caleb had discussed those types of operations when they were getting serious, and they both agreed that they would never consent to participate in them, no matter what.

And the idea that Caleb would agree to something like that was both hurtful and painful. Had Caleb thought so little of the relationship that he allowed his rage to destroy it?

But Caleb didn't stop there; he went on as if he was allowing all he wanted to say back then to come out. "I would not have been able to reach out, call, or talk to you. I'd be effectively dead to everyone in my life. Until the operation was over, or..."

But his words abandoned him, and he couldn't meet Buck's gaze. When Buck watched Caleb's anger, he felt his own anger begin to subside. But Caleb's anger was not intended at him, it was more about himself. Caleb hated himself for agreeing to the operation and even more for hurting him.

"Or what?" Buck spoke quietly, knowing that if he didn't get Caleb to confess what he was trying to say, it would only hurt him more. Buck could not help but want to help Caleb because he loved so much about him.

"Or whenever they found my body if they ever did." Caleb acknowledged, and Buck noticed his lip tremble slightly. Caleb had clearly been scared that this would be his fate during the operation. It hurt his heart to think of Caleb alone in a cartel-run house, knowing that one day could be his last.

Caleb was a worrier who constantly considered the worst-case scenario, no matter what happened. Caleb sat nestled against Buck's side during their flights to and from missions, making sure Buck's head rested against his chest or shoulder as if he needed a reminder that he was there. He hadn't lost him, and this wasn't a dream. He also wanted to be ready. He had planned his will, his funeral, and every other detail to ensure that if anything happened to him, it would be handled properly.

"Is this why you didn't tell me? Did you believe I would have stopped you from getting justice?" Buck asked, shaking slightly.  He needed to understand why Caleb kept this from him, and he understood Caleb's need to protect him. Protect him from the cartel, the operation, and the misery of waiting for the phone call informing him whether his fiancé was alive or dead.

Caleb wiped his nose with his hand before holding Buck's palm and saying, "There was no timeline on the operation Ev. I had no idea when I'd have enough to bring them down; no one knew, and I didn't want you to stay waiting for that long."

Buck shook his head briefly before turning away from Caleb and looking out the café's window, attempting to suppress his emotions. He couldn't believe Caleb wouldn't have thought to wait for him to come back. He would have waited years to be back with Caleb and would have done anything for him. And he would do the same thing now. He still loved the man, even though he had harmed him.

"I would have waited," Buck whispered.

He then felt Caleb's hand on his forearm, rubbing it as if to console him; turning back, he could see that Caleb loathed himself even more for causing this pain, but he also had a soft sad smile on his lips, despite the tears forming in the corner of Caleb's eyes. "I know you would have Evan," he said involuntarily, "but I couldn't do that to you."

Buck considered Caleb's words; Caleb had decided what was best for him without even speaking to him. Just as Bobby had done. He had chosen what was happening in his life without given him the opportunity to stand up for his own future. But he knew the difference between the two men: Caleb was clearly scared of what may happen to him if the Cartel discovered who he was, and for good cause.

Hell, if he had known what had happened to the Cartel's other victims, he would have done everything he could to protect those he loved. Bobby had held him back for selfish reasons, despite his desire not to hurt him. Bobby had simply wanted to control him, and when he refused, he proceeded to punish him.

"So, you left me?" Buck whispered.

Caleb bit his lips before he began: "I would rather suffer the pain knowing you are happy and moving on with your life than just sitting and waiting for me to come back or for the knock at the door from the Navy telling him that he was dead." Caleb clarified, but added, "I wanted you to live your life, Ev, not just exist in that limbo."

Buck's hackles rose at the last statement; he had never found happiness. Sure, he tried to act like it, like he had his life in order, but he never managed it. He was barely living, but he had been. He loved his job as a firefighter, but he was aware that the profession, like his career in the Navy, had an expiration date, and he had always considered what the future held for him.

It was why he wanted a family so that he could be loved for who he was rather than what he could do for them. He had thought he had found that family unit with the 118, but they had shown him that they didn't care for him. They saw him as a tool rather than a human being.

Buck jerked his hand away from Caleb's grasp, stunned by what he had just heard. "I DIDN'T THOUGH," Buck snapped, only to find he had also raised his voice. He then closed his eyes and took a deep breath, attempting to regain control of his emotions.

"I didn't just move on Caleb," Buck acknowledged, trying to contain his emotions and looking straight at Caleb this time. He wanted Caleb to realise how badly he'd hurt him. Caleb left on this mission, leaving him to do everything alone. "I hated myself; I thought I had done something wrong to make you leave. You destroyed my entire life, and you expected me to just go on? He asked, shaking his head.

He couldn't believe Caleb thought he could simply move on from him. He had been the love of his life, and his decision to leave had crushed him in ways he felt deeply ashamed of. "Steve had to move in with me so I wouldn't do something stupid." He admits.

"I just wanted you safe," Caleb stated as he began to play with his fingers, adding with a gulp, "It was better than the alternative," he muttered.

"What?" Buck inquired, perplexed.

"If the cartel had discovered who I was, they would have come after you; I needed the entire world to believe we were done. That…" Caleb began to explain but then stopped himself. Buck couldn't help but reach over the table and grab the man's hand as he went pale. He also moved the glass of water that was abandoned on the table towards him in case he needed it.

"Caleb…" Buck spoke quietly, brushing his thumb against the top of Caleb's hand. "What happened?" He asked quietly.

Caleb looked to be about to be sick from simply thinking about something. But before speaking, Caleb went for the glass of water and took a big swallow of the cold water. Caleb began to talk but couldn't stop shaking. "A Mexican Special Forces soldier tried to get into the cartel a year before they brought me in, and when they found out who he was, they…" But suddenly he stopped. As if he was too terrified to continue.

Buck continued to rub Caleb's hand as it appeared Caleb was about to shatter. Whatever Caleb had been withholding from him was beginning to break him on the inside. Was this the reason he had forced him away?

Caleb continued with a shaky breath, unable to look at Buck's face and instead staring at his hands, which appeared to be covered in something. "He was focused to watch them torture and kill his family before they buried him alive with their bodies."

Buck felt his body freeze and the colour drain from his face. He couldn't believe what he'd just learnt: the cartel had executed one of their Mexican brothers and his entire family as a message to anyone else who thought they could take them on. He'd heard about what the cartels did to rats and moles, but he couldn't believe it. The thought of the pain and slaying a family was difficult enough, but the idea of being buried alive beside his family's bodies and knowing that he had caused their deaths must have been a new kind of pain. Something he never wanted to see or hear about again.

"His wife, ten-year-old son and 3-month-old daughter," Caleb explained but then remained silent.

"Oh, God," Buck said quietly.

Buck looked around the café when he heard something drop to the floor and realised it was simply a toddler sitting at the counter, throwing his spoon and laughing about it. Thankfully, no one had overheard them, but when Buck returned his attention to Caleb, he noticed that he was practically shaking in his seat. He now understood why Caleb left him; he was scared that if he had been caught, they could have shared their fate.

Caleb sniffled before raising his head and looking at Buck, although it appeared that his head weighed a tone. "They weren't people to mess with Ev, and if they found out who I was then they would have gone after you and to think them doing that to you I couldn't do it."

Buck wanted to hug Caleb and tell him that he forgave him, that everything was fine, and that they could move on, but he couldn't. Caleb had hurt him, possibly with the best intentions, and he could not get over it. Not yet.

"So, you made the decision for us to leave?" Buck said, nodding his head. Part of him knew that Caleb knew he would never leave him on his own; even if he had come in and told him he was cheating on him, he would not have simply gone away. He would have wanted to know what happened, how it happened, and why. He asked questions that he knew would cause Caleb to slip up and disclose the truth. However, that could explain why he did what he did. He gave him no opportunity to protest. He had just packed up, told him it was done, and leave.

"I'd prefer you hate me for the rest of our lives than die if they caught me. I would rather hand myself over to them than allow you to end up like that." Caleb admitted.

And then they went silent again.

Buck felt as if his entire universe had come to a halt. He couldn't believe Caleb believed it was better for him to die knowing he hated him to protect him than to spend their greatest years together. They both talked about when they first got together about the fact, they both worked in professions that might ultimately lead to their deaths. That with every mission they have undertaken, one or both of them may not come home. But at the very least, they would know what happened to the other, and they would either be there for the other's final moments or know that they did not suffer. They'd even prepared for the possibility of both of them being killed at the same time. Joe had their request to be buried next to each other, or together if feasible, but had made him promise that he would not allow them to be separated. Steve had everything in writing as well. The Navy couldn't stop them.

Yet, with this type of operation, going deep cover meant that the loved ones left behind might never know what happened to their family members. That door would never be opened, and those families would never receive the answers they sought. Would he have been in that position if something had happened to Caleb? They were no longer together, but it didn't mean he stopped caring for him. Would he have had to live his life without knowing what had happened to Caleb?

"Caleb…" Buck began to speak but stopped when he realised how wobbly his voice sounded. It took him a few moments to get his emotions under control before proceeding. "Would have I been told if you…?" But he couldn't complete the question. The very concept of the question broke his heart much more than he had anticipated; he never wanted Caleb to be hurt and asking him if he would have been told that he had died stung him deeply.

Caleb leaned over the table and gently squeezed his hand. "Yes," he answered firmly, "the Navy would have contacted you, and I gave Joe my letter to give you if anything happened to me."

Caleb gazed down at their hands, which were tightly clasped as if by purpose. "I didn't want you to see whatever they did to me," he told me.

Buck felt his lip quiver and understood what Caleb meant; the cartel would not have been kind to him if they discovered he was a mole within their organisation. But the thought of what they would have done to Caleb lit a fire in him. He knew that if he found out who killed Caleb, he would have gone after each of them and done his worst. He wouldn't have cared if getting his retribution got him killed; he'd die satisfied knowing he killed those who had murdered his Caleb.

"Joe had his orders, he would handle the funeral so you wouldn't have to mainly so you wouldn't find out whatever they did to me, but you would have been told as much as you needed to know," commented Caleb. "I knew the risks when I agreed to the mission." He sighed at the conclusion.

Buck watched Caleb carefully as he finished; he felt grateful that Caleb had planned to let him know if anything happened to him, but he couldn't help but feel his anger rising again from the fact that Caleb had broken him so deeply, abandoned him, and then planned to leave him a bloody letter to explain everything. Who did that? But at the same time, he also understood it. At the very least, Caleb had given him the answers if the worst was to happen.

"Is it over now? Is that why you've come back, or do you have to go back?" Buck asked, playing with his now-cold drink while still clutching Caleb's hand. Despite everything, he couldn't let him go.

Caleb nodded, "I finished the operation nearly two years ago." He admitted.

Buck's eyes widened slightly as he froze. Had he heard that right? Caleb had finished nearly two years ago. Why had he waited to come and find him and tell him the truth?

Then panic set in: did Caleb not want to see him? Had he stayed away because he didn't want him or was afraid to confront him? Or had he stayed away because he'd found someone better, and he merely came to stop him from falling apart? Had Joe and Steve forced him to come and try to fix him so that when he left, he'd be in a better mental state to deal with everything else?

"What?" Buck muttered, but he couldn't finish his question; he wanted to know what Caleb meant when he said the operation was finished so long ago. Buck remembered travelling for about a year before arriving in Los Angeles and joining the fire department, where he had remained for nearly three years. Then, if he had it right, Caleb's operation ended when he became a full-fledged firefighter. So where had he been for the last two years?

Caleb sighed and looked out the window for the first time, as if he didn't want to admit this but knew he needed to. Buck did not want to compel Caleb to talk to him, but he also wanted to know.

"I spent 6 months in a safe house until the Navy and the CIA could confirm that we got them all and that I was safe…" Caleb began. Buck could feel himself shivering at the mention of the CIA; he knew a couple of agents and knew that it took a particular kind of person to do that job and that when it came to safety after a mission, they always did their best to ensure that no blowback fell on them.

"Then I spent two months debriefing with the Navy, DEA, and all other agencies involved. I lost my rag on a few of them, but I made it through." Caleb added a small laugh as he mentioned what he did while debriefing.

Buck smiled as well; he remembered Caleb's behaviour during their debriefing, which only worsened when he was hungry, tired, hurt, or all the above. Even more so if he had been the one injured. Caleb always attached to him like glue after a mission, especially if he had been injured. Even if it was simply a scratch, Caleb would insist on delaying the debriefing until he had it checked. Normally, this only let them recompress a little more before the brass began to breathe down their necks.

"I had to go through all the tests and doctor's appointments that the brass required," Caleb said with a slight shrug. Buck felt slightly better knowing that the brass had at least cared for Caleb when he returned. Did the cartel hurt Caleb at all? Buck was aware that they would most likely request blood tests to confirm that there was nothing in them that may harm him in the long run, but he was also aware of the damage that stress can cause to the human body. He was a walking textbook on it. Did the same thing happen to Caleb? Buck couldn't help but look over Caleb to see if he could detect any marks.

"When I finally got some leave, I..." Caleb added but then stopped. As if what he needed to say was just as awful as admitting that he had committed to a huge deep cover op behind his back.

Caleb returned his gaze to him and began to fiddle with his fingers like he did when he was worried about saying something. "I came looking for you," he muttered.

"What?" Buck asked softly.

Buck started to think back to every scene he had worked on and the place he had visited to see if he could see Caleb standing in the crowd. But he couldn't. He had never seen Caleb. However, had Caleb done that on purpose? Had he stayed away so that he wouldn't disrupt his new life? In some ways, he was pleased that things were going well during that time. However, then Buck's brain stopped working. Had Caleb been there when everything fell apart? Did he have a front-row seat as he destroyed his new life?

"You went looking for me?" Buck asked timidly as if he didn't want an answer, but he couldn't stop himself.

Caleb grasped his hand tightly as he continued, "Of course I did, Ev," he replied, and Buck knew he meant it. Caleb sighed and rubbed his thumb across Buck's hand without realising what he was doing. "But when I found you, you looked happy," Caleb explained. "You'd reinvented yourself away from the Navy, from me and I didn't want to mess that up for you."

Buck considered Caleb's statements. For a while, he was happy. Happy working in LA with the 118, whom he had mistaken for his family. To be fair, he thought at the time he had everything under control, that he had found his new life until he messed everything up. There was a part of his brain that thought that if Caleb had shown himself, given him the closure he wanted, and had some more support, he would have been able to work things out with Bobby and the 118 and not had to call Steve for help.

But he knew he couldn't think that way; Doctor Copeland had told him so. He had to live in the present moment while looking forward to the future. There was no point looking back now.

"So, you stayed away?" Buck enquired softly.

"I thought that would be for the best," Caleb confessed.

Buck felt his heart crack somewhat, screaming for him to tell Caleb that he wished he had come to talk to him sooner. So, they could get things fixed sooner, and yet he understood Caleb's idea. A lot had happened between them, so if he had suddenly appeared on him, it might have exacerbated the situation. Maybe until he lost the family, he believed he had built, he wouldn't have given Caleb the time of day to tell him the truth.

Buck nodded, letting Caleb know he understood what he was saying; he also knew that if Caleb showed up at the 118 unexpectedly, he would have to explain everything about his past. To explain how he had lied to them about all his odd jobs, how he had a successful Navy career, and how he had more chest metal than Eddie. He could practically picture Chimney's face when it came out; he wasn't the foolish college dropout Chimney liked to claim he was.

He also wouldn't be surprised if Bobby reported him for trying to pass himself off as a Navy veteran, which was sort of humorous given that it was in his file. But perhaps that would have made everything worse. He wouldn't be surprised if Maddie used his danger of PTSD to exert control over him. She would most likely try to have him sectioned and held in a facility for the rest of his life while she enjoyed his money.

Buck then looked up at Caleb again, noticing that he was clearly struggling to talk about all of this, and he kind of understood. He had spent the previous two years trying to cope with whatever happened while he was undercover with the cartel. He'd worked undercover before and knew that the really awful jobs often left a mark; he couldn't help but wonder what scars Caleb had. This cartel used children, and Caleb had always been protective of them, so doing what he had to do to collect the evidence they needed must have destroyed a part of him.

However, he remembered how Caleb had left him. Caleb had very little emotion on his face when he did it, as if he had bottled up all his emotions so he could do it and now was something he regretted. But Buck couldn't help but remember those words; they were seared into his memory, and he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to get them out completely. Even if he now understood why he had done it.

"Did you mean it?" Buck inquired, breaking the silence that had developed between them.

Caleb looked up at him, puzzled, and Buck realised he'd need to explain his train of thought. "Any of the things you said to me as you were leaving? Did you mean them?"

Caleb's face flashed with shock and pain, but Buck already had a response. He should have realised that Caleb, the guy he loved unconditionally, was lying to him back then. Perhaps if he had a clearer head on his shoulders back then, he could have compelled Caleb to tell him about the trust. Or, once he had calmed down, he should have pieced together the clues that told him something else was happening when Caleb left. But he hadn't; instead, he'd let his emotions get the best of him, and here he was.

"God, Evan. No. I just..." Caleb began to speak, clutching his hand even tighter now. But then, with a short inhale, he added, as if unsure if he wanted to accept what he had said: "I just had to get you to hate me enough to stay away."

That comment got to Buck, and he wondered if Caleb just thought he had a few bad days and then moved on afterwards. That was unfair. Did Caleb not realise that when he said he was his life, he truly meant it? Buck couldn't help but chuckle at Caleb's comment, not a pleasant laugh, but a hollow chuckle that let Caleb know he was pissed.

"You know, I tried to kill myself that night," Buck continued, shaking his head and pulling his hand away from Caleb as if the fact that he was touching him pained him more than anything he had said. He hated admitting he was this weak, but he needed Caleb to understand that his words had broken him in more ways than he could possibly comprehend. 

"Steve stopped me…" Buck said, thinking about how Steve had basically saved his life for the hundredth time. He could never thank his brother enough for that. Steve had fed him, made him drink, washed him, and done all in his power to keep him from sliding deeper into the darkness. "But for a few weeks afterwards that's all I wanted to do." He admits.

He despised admitting that he had considered suicide. This was why the promise had come into effect. To keep him alive. Buck sometimes hated himself for making that promise and sometimes prayed that whatever god was keeping him alive would just leave him alone and let him die. And that was the terrifying part. Caleb had devastated him so deeply that he wanted to die. He had never imagined life without him. They had planned their future down to the last detail, and Caleb had destroyed everything by walking away.

"You made me think everything we had together was nothing," Buck said quietly, feeling tears well up in his eyes as he reflected on the life he could have had. "That I was nothing," he said quietly, not sure whether Caleb heard him, but he didn't care. He needed to say it for himself.

"And I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you," Caleb replied firmly, extending out his hand but not taking Buck's hand, instead leaving it on the table beside it. Giving Buck the option if he wanted to take it or not. Buck was aware that he had done this so that he would not feel forced to be touched, but rather as a peace offering, allowing him to take his hand if he wanted to.

"I don't know …" Buck began to speak, but he inwardly scolded himself as his voice sounded childish. He wasn't sure what he wanted anymore. He believed that hearing Caleb's justification for leaving would make him hate him much more, making it much simpler to walk away. But that had not happened. Instead, it had grown his feelings for him. Sure, he had been a touch selfish, but he understood it. Caleb valued his family above all else, and he desired vengeance while yet wanting to protect him from it.

Buck reached out and took Caleb's outstretched hand without thinking, not knowing why, but he needed to hold at least part of Caleb to remind himself that this was all real. That he wasn't dreaming and that what he had been told was the truth. He also understood he needed time to think things over. He knew Caleb wasn't lying to him. But he knew that if he told Sam and Steve what he'd been told, Sam would recruit whoever he worked for to validate Caleb's story, and Steve would rage at Joe over the phone for lying to him for so long. This was going to be interesting.

"It's okay, Ev if you want some time," Caleb replied softly, and Buck knew he was giving him a way out.

"I want you in my life, Caleb. Maybe not in the same way as previously, but I...I miss you," Buck attempted to explain. He didn't want an out; he had too much history with Caleb, and while it would take some time to regain the trust he had lost, he didn't want to lose him again. He had lost too many people to death, lies, and abandonment. He didn't want to lose him too. Even after causing him so much pain, he would not do it again.

"I miss you, too, Ev," Caleb whispered softly, rubbing his thumb on Buck's hand.

Buck paused before saying, "Maybe we could start trying to be friends first…" But suddenly he stopped. Could they return to being just friends? Can he do it? He didn't want to lose Caleb; he loved him, but he knew that if he just went back into a relationship, he wouldn't be able to truly trust that Caleb wouldn't abandon him. He questioned each gesture or word he made, which was not conducive to a good relationship. He wouldn't want that for Caleb, who had made a mistake and admitted it. He couldn't simply tell Caleb he wanted a relationship and then treat him that way.

"I would like that, Ev," Caleb responded with a smile.

Buck could not help but smile back. Perhaps they could become friends? But then he remembered who he had slept with and dated. He had moved on; he hadn't really loved any of them as much as he did Caleb, but that didn't mean Caleb hadn't. Sure, he may have slept with people while undercover. But he'd been free for two years; had he met someone new? Had Caleb abandoned his new boyfriend or maybe husband at home while trying to help him? Was urging Caleb to stay and restore their friendship going to hurt him in the long run?

He wasn't sure how he'd manage it if that happened. He knew Joe had probably forced him to come to Hawaii to help him, but he might have had to leave someone behind. Had Caleb told his new partner that he was leaving to help one of his former brothers or his ex? He didn't want Caleb to lie to them if he had. He didn't want to cause Caleb any more trouble.

"You don't have to get back to anything or anyone…?" Buck asked. He needed to know; if the answer was yes, he would tell Caleb to go back and that they could communicate via Facetime or text messages until he could come back and visit him, or he would go to him. However, he wasn't sure how long he could keep doing it; seeing Caleb happy was everything to him but seeing him happy with someone else would break him.

Caleb listened intently, and when he uttered 'anyone', he aggressively shook his head, as if he was trying to get the thought out of his head before speaking. "No Ev, there isn't anyone." He said plainly as he held Buck's hand slightly. "I'm not going to lie to you, there have been a few hookups and a few first dates, but they never went anyway," Caleb added.

"Same," Buck answered, clearing his throat. He wanted to be honest with Caleb. Tell him about his hookups and even his attempts to date women. But then he heard Steve's voice in his brain telling him that he didn't owe Caleb anything and didn't have to tell him he had attempted to move on.

He had been the one who left him, yet he couldn't help himself. He cared too much about Caleb to ever lie to him; he knew it sounded ridiculous, but it was how he felt. "I tried to date but…" He then paused. How did he tell Caleb that he had secretly compared everyone he had ever dated to him? That he chose that guy to sleep with because he reminded him of himself. How lame was that?

He cleared his throat again and looked down at his hands, whispering, "They weren't you."

They grew silent as Caleb caressed Buck's hand, which he still held. Buck knew he had heard his last comment, but he couldn't meet Caleb's gaze. He didn't want to see the pity in Caleb's eyes. He must sound ridiculous to declare to his ex that he had not moved on since he still loved him. He had just scared Caleb off.

"Why don't we take this day by day?" Caleb finally replied, breaking the silence.

Buck looked up and saw Caleb smiling lovingly at him, but before he could speak, Caleb said, "There is no time limit on this, so we don't have that pressure. The Navy doesn't expect me back for a while." Caleb explained.

"Are you sure?" Buck asked softly; he did not want Caleb to put his life on hold for him.

"I want to do this, Ev," Caleb said, but he stopped massaging his palm and squeezed it strongly. Buck stared at Caleb's face and spotted something that flashed across it. A sense of uncertainty. But for what? He didn't understand why Caleb was unsure about what he was offering.

"I don't want…" Caleb began to speak but stopped himself, sighing loudly. He ran his free hand through his hair before saying, "I don't want you to think that you owe me this second chance because of your past." Buck noticed a little tremor in his voice as he talked. He could understand Caleb's worry; he had considered the possibility himself. Was he agreeing to work on friendship merely to avoid losing Caleb again? But then he recognised he wasn't being selfish by wanting Caleb in his life. He just wanted his friend back. Yes, Caleb had a lot to make up for, but he wanted to give him the chance.

"I know I have a lot to make up for," Caleb said, softly playing with Buck's hand before continuing, "and I will do everything in my power to show you that I am not about to disappear again, that I am here to stay if that is what you want," Caleb admitted.

Buck glanced carefully at Caleb, wondering if he could read his mind as he could when they were together. Of course, he worried about Caleb leaving again. He had just gotten him back, but he knew he could not be selfish. He needed to follow Caleb's wishes while also acknowledging his own thoughts.

He'd always sat back and let things happen around him, even when he didn't want them to. He had sat back and let Caleb leave him, allowed Bobby to try to dominate him, and then let his sister try to control him again. He had to stand up for himself. And right now, he wanted Caleb back in his life. Even if he had hurt him in the past.

But before Buck could respond, his phone buzzed, and the screen lit up with a text message from the coral and fish company Steve had found for him. He had not expected Rick to text him so soon. The text just asked him if he was available at 2:20 pm so he could begin the work.

Rick was a native Hawaiian who began his own fish and coral business to try to stop the theft of wild corals and fish from the ocean. He had been breeding fish and corals for years and was well known in the community for creating small ecosystems in people's homes with the agreement that he could come in and monitor the system to ensure that it ran smoothly, and with the understanding that he could come during his check-ups and harvest small amounts of the corals if they overgrew in the tank so that he could sell them on at a discount to them.

He had phoned Rick to tell him what he had planned for the tank, including the measurements and eco-system he preferred. Rick had said that he could come in two weeks to begin the process of establishing his eco-system, but he promised to contact him if there were any cancellations on his books as a thank you to Steve for his help.

This text indicated that his tank would be completed earlier than expected. He understood that creating a living reef was not a cheap or quick way to build a tank. Sure, he could do it faster if he used an artificial reef, but that wasn't his goal. He wanted a touch of the Hawaiian Coast in his living room. That's why he wanted to work with a local company that bred the fish rather than taking them from the ocean, as he was aware that some other companies did. Rick had already designed the tank's size and promised to show it to him when they met. This visit was to inspect the tank's structure (which Buck knew was right because Rick had designed the tank himself for an artificial tank, but he needed to be certain before signing off on the work), replace any broken equipment, and set up the lighting and water flow equipment required for the corals.

Rick had stated that following that, he could begin to build the substrate and living rocks before filling the tank to the point where they could test the systems for any problems.  But he did indicate that it would be scheduled for their next visit since he needed to make sure that if he needed to order any larger elements, he would get them on time. It would take at least a few weeks before he could add fish and corals to his tank, but the wait would be worth it. He had seen Rick's work and realised he needed to trust the process. Fortunately, his sofa was made with wheels so that they could easily move it while working, and all the equipment was under the stairs, which had a door leading to it.

Buck had checked the plant room for the tank when he visited the house, and it was well maintained with sufficient ventilation and lighting, allowing everything to be checked without having to seek it. He understood that to have a living reef, they would need to add to the system. But that's what he wanted. He had told Rick that he didn't care about the expense; he just wanted the best tank he could get.

Buck looked at the message and wanted to tell him he'd be there to start his tank. But then he stopped himself because he was afraid to leave Caleb or let the other man out of his sight in case, he disappeared on him again. He knew Caleb had sworn not to do it, but he couldn't stop himself from worrying.

"You need to go?" Caleb enquired, his voice breaking through his thoughts.

Buck looked up and sighed, "I've invited a friend of Steve's to come look at the fish tank I'm using to make a live reef. He just messaged me to let me know that he and his team are available to begin work today."

As Buck explained, he noticed a warm smile appear on Caleb's face, which only encouraged him to continue. He didn't want Caleb to think he was simply dumping him for a fish tank. It sounded impolite to him, and if he could sit and talk to Caleb longer, he would gladly take the opportunity. However, he also wanted to get his tank in order.

"Accept it then; you've always loved the water," Caleb added, indicating to Buck's phone. Caleb had always known he loved the ocean, and they had planned to get married near or on a beach somewhere to express their love for the water. However, that had never happened.

"Are you sure?" Buck asked uncomfortably.

Caleb laughed briefly and shook his head before speaking. "I'm sure, Ev. I'd like to see it when it's finished," Caleb added with a smile.

Buck couldn't help but smile and nod in response, texting Rick that he was available at that time. As he closed the messaging app, he noted the time: it was almost 12 p.m., and he had messages from Steve, Sam, and Danny, all checking in on him and asking if he needed anything. He hadn't realised how quickly time had passed while talking with Caleb about everything. But it was usually the case when he and Caleb started talking.

"We could meet up for lunch another day if you want?" Caleb enquired, and Buck could see a hopeful gleam in his eyes, prompting him to nod in agreement. He wanted to strengthen their relationship, and he thought going out for lunch a few times and taking some trips would help.

"I'd like that," Buck eventually said as he reached behind him to retrieve his jacket, and Caleb followed his lead.

Buck waved goodbye to the staff as they wished him a happy day. As they went out onto the street, Buck realised he wanted to ask Caleb if he was interested in joining him. But he realised it was too early for that. Not yet anyhow. As much as he wanted to show Caleb his new house, he realised he needed to maintain it as his safe place.

He had foolishly ignored that rule so many times that he got into trouble because people assumed they could come to his house and tell him what to do. He promised himself he would not do that here. His home was his, and he decided who could enter it. Sure, he had given Steve a key, but only because he trusted his brother enough to know that he would never breach his promise to only use it in emergencies. But he'd been the only one. Of course, he was aware that he needed to provide keys and codes to the businesses that he hired to work on his home. Fortunately, the groundskeepers and pool maintenance crews did not require access to the property and could use the side gate, to which Nick had intended to install a key code lock that he could program to give every company a separate code so that there was a log on who accessed it for further security.

When they went outside, Caleb turned to look at him, and Buck drew him into a hug, which Caleb embraced and hugged back. Buck's eyes welled up with tears as he felt Caleb's arms around him again. He missed being in Caleb's arms, and he had to draw away before breaking down.

"Thank you for telling me the truth," Buck said, attempting to control his voice and hide his feelings from him. He knew Caleb could have lied to him or refused to tell him the truth, but he didn't. He admitted to everything. And he was grateful for that.

"Thank you for listening to me," Caleb said, putting his hands back into his pocket to avoid shifting them.

"I will text you," Buck said, showing him his phone, which he still had in his hand after Rick had responded to him, saying he would see him then.

"Of course, whenever you are ready, Ev," Caleb responded with a smile.

They said their goodbyes with another hug, which Buck had to pull away from it to come to an end. He did not want to see Caleb walk away from him again, so he left first. He walked up to Steve's truck, climbed in, and watched Caleb wave him off as he drove away.

As he approached his house, he couldn't help but remember how badly he wanted to kiss Caleb as he stood in front of him. God, did he miss him.

But as he drove near his driveway gate, he couldn't help but reflect on what Caleb had told him. Sure, it was dumb, and he had committed to a mission out of anger. But he had done everything possible to protect those he cared about. Sure, he had broken his heart, but now that he saw Caleb, he realised that walking away had also destroyed his own heart.

Buck understood as he drove that this could be his chance to get all he ever wanted. He was prepared to fight for it now. He wasn't ready to let his happiness disappear again. Of course, they had a lot of work to do to re-establish trust, but their love for each other remained strong. He knew that.

He was prepared to fight for himself because he knew that few people would do it for him just now. He needed to fight. And he planned too. 

Chapter Text

Buck sat on his patio as the sun rose into the sky, cradling a cup of his favourite tea and sipping it gently while listening to the sea birds call in the early morning. He awoke earlier than usual because he had forgotten to close the balcony door in his room and had been awakened by a Hawaiian Petrel calling while on the balcony railings. He had found himself laughing as he watched the bird fly away and decided he was unlikely to fall back asleep again, so he had gotten up.

He smiled as he remembered how much he had grown. He loved living alone in his own home and had developed his routine to show that. It changed depending on whether he had plans with Steve, Chin, Kono, or Caleb. But he had set up his rhythm. He would get up at a good time, not too early but not too late. Prepare his breakfast and eat it on the patio or at his dining room table if the weather is bad, or while sitting on his couch watching television. He would take his medication before clearing up his breakfast.

He would then either go to his gym to work out or go for a swim in the pool or the ocean, depending on the weather and the ocean's current, which he would check each morning while eating his breakfast. He would then shower and change into comfortable clothing before either settling into his library (which he had expanded due to eBay after finding several first edition books in Hawaii and receiving them as gifts) or working in his paint studio. He was still waiting for most of his supplies to arrive with the rest of his belongings, but he had enough to begin some new paintings. So far, he'd finished five new paintings for his latest collection, and he hoped that this was his best yet.

He would then have lunch before spending some time playing on the gaming console or working in his office on paperwork provided to him by Mr Sanderford or his lawyer.

He had been slowly going over the paperwork Mr Sanderford provided for him. So far, he had figured out who had brought his work. He had smiled at seeing some of the names. They weren't originals, just the original copies, but there were a few names he reconsidered. There were some big names on the list, so he began handwriting all the letters he planned to send to the buyers as a thank you for supporting the charity he had chosen, and he hoped they enjoyed the piece as much as he did. He always did this once his pieces had sold. He was still required to complete the remainder of the documents, but he had time.

Since he had purchased the house, he wanted to guarantee that it was as well safeguarded as possible. Both insurance-wise and through his will. His lawyer had collected all the necessary documents and completed much of the paperwork for him, ensuring that no one could contest his will. He had made it clear in his will that if he passed away, Danny and Grace would inherit the property. He wanted to thank Danny for keeping his brother safe, but he also wanted Danny to have a home to pass down to Grace so that they could both live comfortably in Hawaii. He hadn't told anyone, but for the time being, he wanted to ensure that the house was safe, as he had promised the previous couple. If things got serious with Caleb as he hoped and they started a family, he would change it to protect his new family, but for the time being, he wanted to make sure that his home was protected in case something happened to him.

He would then have dinner with Steve if he came round, which had become more frequent as Steve enjoyed his cooking. Steve frequently showed up with everything he needed, if he didn't have everything he needed or a few bottles of Hawaiian beer for them to test. After Steve had left and he had cleaned up, he would enjoy taking a relaxing bath before watching a movie or retiring to bed with a good book and listening to classic or jazz music, depending on his mood, before falling asleep.

And he loved every minute of his new life. So much had changed, and he loved it. He didn't have to worry about pleasing anyone or planning his day around drop-offs and pick-ups that had been arranged without his knowledge. Sure, he missed the kids and had even offered Danny that if he ever needed Grace picked up while he was stuck at work, he would do it for him. Grace was happy about being picked up by her Uncle Buck's, but being around her made him miss Chris, May, Harry, and Denny even more.

He continued to email Chris through Carla, and once he had set up his gaming consoles, he emailed Chris his handle and arranged their gaming nights. So far, they had talked at length on various topics, including school, homework, Chris' most recent outing with Carla, and how Eddie was doing. Chris, on the other hand, remarked on something that made Buck smile a little: his dad had started acting more like himself. And that was incredible to hear. Buck was relieved that Eddie was receiving the help he needed, but he also had to remind himself that worrying about Eddie was no longer his responsibility.

That's when he realised he had grown more in himself than ever before. Previously, he would have wanted to fix things for Eddie and be there when he needed him whenever he needed him. But he realised now that he hadn't been helping himself. He had allowed others to use him. He felt particularly proud of himself for that. He was now focused on himself and his needs rather than others.

As he finished his cup, he couldn't believe it had been a week since he'd met with Caleb and learnt the truth.

And God, he felt lighter than he had in years after that day, which he had no idea he was carrying. Knowing that he had done nothing to cause the breakup had relieved a lot of his anxiety, and he had told Doctor Copeland about it during his appointment, which he had scheduled on the night of the talk. He had organised the meeting in case he needed her after learning the truth.

She had listened and then congratulated him for being open with Caleb and handling the news in the manner he did. Even he was surprised at how he handled everything, but she went on to say something he hadn't heard in a long time: she was proud of him for creating firm boundaries with both Caleb and his home. Setting boundaries was not selfish; it was the greatest way to safeguard his own safety, she told him.

And he knew she was right. It was why he had set boundaries with Chris; he would speak to him and didn't mind talking about Eddie, but said that he was not yet ready to speak with his father just yet. He had to explain that he wasn't ready after Chris asked why he hadn't spoken with his father yet. He didn't want to cause problems, so he stated that they were adult issues and nothing to worry about. He didn't feel as bad about not talking to his former closest friend because he had established those boundaries. Chris, thankfully, respected that.

He had also taken the time to tell Doctor Copeland that he was still in love with Caleb, which felt wrong given what had happened between them. But, after expressing those words, he swiftly defended himself by adding that when he thought of Caleb, he had more positive memories than negative ones. Doctor Copeland simply listened and did not tell him that it was wrong to feel affection for someone who hurt him. She was just listening.

He had been open with her about how every time he hung out with Caleb, he felt himself falling further in love with him. So far, they had gone on three trips together. They had gone out to lunch together at two different restaurants recommended by Kono, and they had been amazing. The food had been fresh and peaceful, so they could talk openly about everything.

They had also gone out on a hike to Diamond Head Summit one day, which thankfully wasn't too hot. They used to go hiking together all the time, either alone or with their brothers. They had loved getting lost in nature. They had chosen to go for a hike together, and as they reached the summit, they were able to talk alone without anyone listening in or interrupting them. It had taken them three hours to complete the hike as they had spent a good hour talking over everything on the summit.

Buck had asked Caleb a lot about what had happened before the mission and what followed right after it. He knew that he couldn’t ask much about the mission as he was sure that it was classified. But he had asked some of the questions that had been playing around inside his head since they parted ways.

Caleb talked about how when he returned to the States, he had made the agent protecting him stop at the nearest fast-food restaurant to get the largest burger he could find. And how he ordered all the meals he missed while gone. Caleb told him how he had even ordered the unique BBQ sauce he had discovered to go with the meat that the agency had supplied for him. He said that he had grown to know the agents who were protecting him and considered them friends now.

Caleb also told him that his mother died peacefully in her sleep while he was undercover. Buck didn't know how to react; he respected Caleb's mother for giving birth to him while despising her. She had broken Caleb in the same way that his parents had done. Sure, they had never physically abused him, but they had emotionally broken him. He hugged Caleb as he mourned his mother again, telling him about how he had to miss her funeral, but Joe had made sure that flowers were brought to the cemetery, and he attended, informing his family that he was on an operation overseas and couldn't come.

He updated Doctor Copeland more about what he and Caleb had discussed. She had listened to him virtually drool over his ex, whom he was still in love with, and urged him to consider if he was in love with Caleb as he was back when they were together or as he is now. And that she needed him to think about who he was truly in love with, so that he would not be hurt, as he was concerned.

That had been the true question.

Buck realised that a little part of him had been worried about that issue since Caleb returned to his life. Was he still in love with Caleb, or just the version of him he knew back then?

But that was why he wanted to try being friends with Caleb again before even thinking about committing to a relationship. He wanted to see if this new Caleb was the same Caleb he had fallen in love with before he had left him. He had to be smart about this because he didn't want to bring himself any further grief. He also didn't want to mess with Caleb like that. If they were going to start their relationship again, they needed to be honest with each other. And he had told Caleb this during one of their lunches together.

They had gone to a coastal restaurant that had exceptionally wonderful seafood, which Kono had recommended that they try. Caleb had always loved seafood. They had gone to Maryland for a weekend getaway when they were together to explore its seafood options. Caleb had nearly been sick after eating a dozen or more oysters all in one sitting. They had returned to the hotel together, and he had flung himself onto the bed, moaning that he had eaten so many oysters that he thought he was going to explode.

They had sat and eaten together, discussing various topics. Caleb had told him about the safehouse where he had been placed following the operation. The apartment was cold, and he moaned about it in a prison cell, but he knew why he needed to stay there for his own safety. Caleb went on to state that, despite growing close to two of the agents, there was one agent in charge who treated him like a prison warden. He went on the tell him that he reminded him of one of the officers who had taken over for Joe while he was on leave to attend a family function and had been put in control of their operations while Joe was gone.

Buck had laughed; those officers had left in less than 24 hours after dealing with Steve's imaginative operational plan, and Joe had been summoned to deal with his 'troublesome children,' as it was put to them. Buck had a hunch those weren't the words used, and they had laughed a lot after being scowled at for not being kind to the officers that he had asked to cover for him at least a few days, so that he could have some quiet. Joe had forced Steve to buy a decent bottle of whisky to compensate for his foolish scheme.

During that dinner, Buck had laughed a lot at Caleb rather than with him because of one small incident. They were halfway through their lunch when Caleb's face became alarmingly pale, and he looked like he had seen a ghost. Buck panicked, thinking that maybe he had seen someone from the op, but as he shot around, he noticed Steve and Sam sitting at a table near the door, staring at them with unreadable expressions. They were spying on them, and Buck knew it. The dinner had taken place a day after their meeting while Sam was still in Hawaii, and he should have known that they would be out spying on their 'date', as Steve put it. He refused to give it that name as it was only dinner with a friend, despite his desire for him to call it that.

Buck burst out laughing at Caleb's pale face. He should have known they would do this. Caleb groaned and lowered his head into his hands, murmuring that he was so dead. That simply made him laugh even harder; he couldn't believe their brothers had done what they said they would do and spied on him to make sure he was okay, even though he had told them he didn't need them.

Caleb, on the other hand, had complained to him about how he could laugh at him; Steve had promised to kill him if he ever hurt Buck when they had first started dating, and he clearly believed him that he would follow through with his threats. Which only made Buck laugh harder, but this time he laughed honestly, and by the end, they were both laughing at the predicament. He later apologised for laughing and promised to protect him from Steve if it came to that. That Steve was all words and understood he didn't want to hurt him, so he didn't do anything.  Buck soon texted Steve to knock it off or leave, prompting Steve and Sam to leave the restaurant with their meals to go. However, it appeared that they had no intention of sitting and eating their food inside the restaurant, indicating to Buck that they wanted Caleb to know they were watching to intimidate him. But Buck got a peculiar sense that they would be eating their food in the car, waiting for them to leave so they could follow them.

But it seemed that this contact with Steve prompted Caleb to reveal a fear that he had been dealing with since their first meeting. Caleb explained that he was scared that him coming back into his life after all this time would only cause him even more pain. It had been the reason why he had stayed away from his life, but when Joe came to him and told him that he wanted closure and needed help, he had jumped at the chance to give him that. All Caleb wanted was for him to be happy and healthy, even if that meant leaving him alone.

Buck shut that notion down right quickly. He wanted Cable back in his life; they might never get back together (as he hoped), but their friendship would be repaired. He told Caleb this, but he didn't say that he hoped he could simply ask him if they could start over. He needed to do this right.

Buck was pulled back to reality by the sound of his doorbell camera ringing; he wasn't expecting anyone this early, so he grabbed his phone from the couch cushion next to him and opened the app. Nick had already installed most of the security upgrades the day before, but he was still waiting for the fence line and beach cameras, which had to be purchased from the mainland. The first camera to be installed was at the front door.

Buck smiled as he opened the app and saw who was at the door. It was Steve. Steve has shown to be a loyal and occasionally bothersome older brother since he bought the house. He had never used his key to enter the house, just because he had one. He would always knock or shout if the front door was left open before entering. He wasn't like every other person he had given a key to in the past. Eddie, Maddie, and Bobby had all taken advantage of the keys he had given them, believing that they cared for him.

He had initially felt that Eddie cared for him in a more general sense, and he hoped that he had found someone who would defend his corner in the same manner that Caleb and Steve had done. They had a lot in common (even though Eddie didn't realise it) and had formed what he felt was an unbreakable friendship. But then, everything fell apart. Eddie had regarded him as someone he could rely on, and anytime he asked him for help, Eddie knew he would gladly accept it. When he eventually stood up for himself, Eddie threw him away. As everyone else had.

Buck stood up and approached the door. When he opened it, he noticed Steve leaning against the door frame, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Morning," Steve responded cheerfully.

"How much coffee have you had this morning?" Buck laughed as he let his brother into his house and went straight to the kitchen because he had a feeling Steve was here to beg for some of his coffee since he got some Brazilian Santos to try, and even though he didn't like coffee, he preferred a smooth coffee over the bold coffee blend that everyone else drank. He, however, enjoyed iced coffee if he had to drink it, but he preferred this mix since it balanced flavours better than any other bean he had tried.

But Steve had grown to enjoy it, and he began calling in every morning for his coffee fix. He didn't mind; it was great to see his brother every morning, and Steve had even checked with him to ensure that everything was okay, but Buck brushed him off. Knowing his brother had eaten was enough for him; Steve had put his life on hold to ensure he ate, healed, and was cared for. So, providing him food and coffee every morning so they could check in with each other was no problem at all.

"None," Steve responded, huffing. "I ran out." Steve whimpered as they passed through the home, which explained why Steve was so early.

For breakfast, Buck had made a Spanish tortilla and had made enough for Steve to have some. As Steve took his place at the island bar, watching Buck move around the kitchen, he started complaining about how stupid he was for forgetting to pick up more coffee when he went to the shop the day before. Buck plated some tortillas and poured the coffee before handing the plate and cup to Steve, who thanked him and tucked in.

He prepared the tortilla last night since he preferred to eat it cold, which Eddie's Abuela told him was the best way. He'd made it enough times to never have to look at the recipe Abuela had given him. He had also managed to make a sourdough starter and stored it safely in his cupboard so that he could make some of his own sourdough bread when it was ready.

Yesterday, he had been working in the greenhouses with his head groundskeeper, whom he had hired to care for the grounds and greenhouses. They had arranged when each crop would be planted so that he could make the maximum use of each greenhouse. Buck had wanted to grow as many fruits, vegetables and herbs as he could. Akamu (meaning earth in one of the books he had bought) was a man in his fifties. Akamu led a small staff responsible for groundwork, greenhouse and fence line maintenance and explained that he would have three men working on his property every few days to keep things in order. Akamu had already given him all the men's background information during their plan.

Akamu had asked him whether it was okay for him to use ex-cons on his property, and if he didn't feel comfortable with that, then he would organise three other workers. Akamu explained that he always asked his clients this to make sure that they were okay with men who had criminal records working for them. He quickly explained that all his crews that had a criminal record were now clean if they had any addiction problems, and more importantly, were no longer involved in any criminal activity. Akamu assured him that the three guys he intended to use were now on the straight and narrow.

When he told Steve that he was comfortable with Akamu using ex-cons on his property, Steve had gone and completed a full background check on everyone on Akamu's books to make sure. He did ask if he was certain he wanted people with criminal records into his home. But Buck had shrugged and told him that just because they had made mistakes in the past didn't mean they didn't deserve another chance. Something he was all too familiar with. He'd made mistakes and never been given a second chance, and he wasn't willing to let that happen to someone who wanted to improve their lives for the better. They only needed someone to believe in them, and Akamu did.

One of the men Akamu wanted to use was Andrew, a man in his mid-thirties who had been arrested for drunk driving and crashing his car into a bus stop. No one had been hurt, only himself with a concussion and a broken arm. While reviewing his rap sheet, Buck realised that he was a veteran who had started drinking to cope with the loss of his best friend while deployed. They had both been EOD technicians in the army, just like him, and he witnessed his friend get blown up right in front of him. Buck had seen brothers and sisters in arms killed in front of him alongside civilians, but the thought of losing Caleb or Steve right in front of him would have destroyed him as well.

Andrew had begun drinking to cope with his trauma. Buck wouldn't let another brother down, especially since he could help. Akamu told him that he was now sober, attending weekly AA meetings, and had begun therapy at the VA and a veteran's clinic on the island to try to get the support he needed. Buck had told Akamu that he was happy for Andrew to work for him and had asked him to tell him that he was a veteran and fellow EOD technician himself, so if he needed to speak with him about anything, he could have his phone number.

The second man was Jin, who was also in his early thirties and had been in and out of prison for theft. However, while reviewing his arrest records, Buck discovered that Jin had been arrested for stealing food and other items to sell to pay his rent. Jin had been kicked out of the care system and abandoned by his family because of their drug addiction, however, Jin had never touched the stuff. Even while in prison.

But after getting a girl pregnant, Jin had straightened himself out, vowing never to let his child grow up in the same way he had. According to what Akamu had said, he was now the delighted father of a two-year-old son who was doing exceptionally well. He was supporting his son and his now-wife as she attended nursing school. Buck could hear the praise in Akamu's voice as he spoke about the man as if he were a proud grandfather to the young child.

He readily agreed to let Jin work for him as well. He was happy to help him provide for his new family. He was also curious about what resources were available on the island for young families and students interested in pursuing careers in medicine or emergency services. He had instructed his lawyer to look into this for him. Perhaps he could establish a scholarship to assist individuals in need and those seeking to improve their lives. He had previously established similar scholarships and recruited others to help. So perhaps he could make one here as well.

The last one was the one that he knew Steve was concerned about. He was a man named Laka, who was in his early twenties and had been arrested for narcotics but was considered nonviolent by everyone concerned. The boy had no other history, and according to one of the police reports, Laka let himself be arrested during a raid and never resisted the officers, as if he didn't care what happened to him.

After an investigation, Akamu revealed to Buck that Laka had been self-medicating to deal with childhood abuse at the hands of a male family member and didn't tell anyone until he reported it to his prison counsellor. Buck had asked if the man who had hurt him had paid for his crimes. He wasn't about to let Laka's abuser escape justice if he could help it. But before he could plan his next move, Akamu nodded. He mentioned that when the man was sent to prison, and people inside who had been friends with Laka learnt who he was, his time in jail was not pleasant.

Buck noticed in Laka's prison file that the kid was extremely truthful and friendly to everyone. That he wouldn't harm a fly, according to one of the guards.  To cope with those memories, Laka became addicted to narcotics, but he is finally receiving the help he needed. Akamu promised him that Laka had been clean for a year, was undergoing drug tests every week, and was living with his grandma. Laka's grandmother sounded like a formidable woman who kept Laka on track.

Buck understood Steve's concern, but he told him the same thing he told Akamu: he wanted to offer everyone a second chance. And he would not condemn people based on their past; this was the same guideline he had established with Caleb and Maddie. Unlike Caleb, Maddie had repeatedly let him down. She showed no signs of working for growth and was just concerned with what she wanted and did not want to grow.

Buck refilled his tea and leaned against the island, listening to Steve rave about how delicious his cooking was or simply groan when he took a sip of coffee. They resumed their light chat while Steve ate. When he finished, Buck began to wash his dish while Steve drank his coffee, but Buck could feel Steve's gaze on him as he moved around his kitchen.

Steve finally broke the silence between them, "Got a call from my friend who works on the docks that your things have arrived." Steve's grinning as he spoke. "Should be here before noon," he finished.

Buck looked shocked at his brother, not sure if he should be amazed that Steve had gone out of his way to keep an eye out for his things or had done something to ensure that they got here safely and speed up the delivery.

"You've been tracking it, haven't you?" Buck asked with a laugh.

Steve smiled and shrugged his shoulders, "I wanted to make sure it got here safe."

Buck grinned and shook his head at the comment; he should have known that Steve would have done something to make sure that his things got to the island safely.

"Yer right," he answered, smiling at his brother. He shrugged his shoulders, "At the very least, this means you can get your truck back and stop relying on Danny to pick you up." Buck spoke as he began to wash his now-empty teacup.

Steve laughed and leant back in his chair, crossed his arms with a grin, "True, but you can borrow it whenever you want as long as I can drive your Mustang sometime." Steve spoke with a cheeky gleam in his eyes.

Buck leant back against his kitchen unit, unable to help but chuckle at the comment. He should have known Steve would want to borrow one of his cars, and he should have known his brother had fallen in love with his 1968 Shelby GT500KR Mustang from the moment he brought it home. It was dark blue with a prominent white racing stripe going from front to back. It had cost him an arm and a leg because it was in excellent shape. He had spotted the car online while strolling through articles on his phone and instantly fell in love with it. The owner was selling it because he needed the funds to help rebuild a 1964 Ford Mustang that he was working on.

When he viewed the mustang, he realised that the man understood exactly what he was doing. The car appeared to have just rolled off the production line. He could tell how much effort and affection the previous owner had put into restoring the car. He used the car during one of his and Caleb's weekend getaways. It was great to watch Caleb in the passenger seat with the windows down, the wind blowing his hair all over the place, wearing those sunglasses he picked up while driving and singing along with the radio, singing at the top of his lungs, and Buck couldn't help but fall further in love with him. However, like all his previous cars, it had been stored following their breakup. He considered selling the car due to all the memories of Caleb that he had in it, but he was unable to do so. Instead, he'd put it in storage alongside everything else.

Steve, like his brothers, fell in love with the car as soon as he saw it. He loved all his brothers dearly, but he wouldn't trust any of them to drive. No matter how much they begged. He'd experienced all his brother's driving, and none of them were particularly good. The only one of his brothers he permitted to drive his Wrangler was Callum, who now owns his own garage chain with three shops and twenty veterans working on custom car builds, since he could drive any vehicle and was their residential grease monkey who enjoyed working on vehicles. Callum was the person he called when he needed help with one of his projects. Callum had been discharged from the Seal after breaking his back in an ambush.  Buck had become a silent partner in his shop, even contributing to rebuilds and car adaptations for injured soldiers so they could get back their independence.

Callum now lived in Florida with his family, but Buck frequently messaged him for repair advice and had even discovered that after he told him he was working as a firefighter, Callum went and learnt everything he could about a fire engine. He also joked at how his local fire station had begun to use his company for maintenance because they were quicker and were willing to come to the station to fix the vehicle whenever possible.

"Yer not happening," Buck joked, shaking his head as he watched Steve sulk after he refused to let him drive his car.

Buck had spent the last few weeks listening to Danny, Kono, and Chin's stories about Steve's crazy moves and driving. He wasn't about to let his brother do it to one of his babies. Steve had driven Danny's car onto a ship's deck and saw nothing wrong with it after only meeting Danny, which was a blaring warning flag if he ever saw one.

"Mean," Steve muttered, but smiled as he sipped his coffee, beaming heartily. But then he stopped, staring down at the magazines Buck had left on the island while he waited for the tortilla to cook. "What's this?" Steve picked up and showed him the cover.

Buck groaned and murmured, "Nothing."

But he knew it wasn't nothing. There were three magazines, one of which featured vans for sale, complete with models and prices. Another was on van conversions and how to plan a build from scratch, while the other was from a company that designed van conversions that he could purchase.

"Doesn't look like nothing," Steve muttered, shaking his head as he sorted through the pile. Buck saw him flip through each magazine and knew his brother was going to ask about them. There was no getting out of this.

 "Do you want to get a van conversion done? Don't you have enough vehicles?" He enquired, and Buck sighed.

Yes, he had four vehicles on the way, three of which were considered luxury, but he wanted to see Hawaii in all its beauty, and as much as he knew he could do so in his Wrangler, he wanted a vehicle that he could live in while travelling. A van conversion made sense. He could live, travel, and discover new locations without having to worry about driving home or finding a motel to sleep. He could just enjoy himself. He didn't even need to buy one that had already been built. He had been considering making his own.

"Yeah, I've been looking into it." Buck shrugged his shoulders and popped his hands in his pockets, saying, "I thought it would give me something to do, and then I could travel around Hawaii and hit some of those surf spots Kono told me about."

"Wasn't that why you have your Wrangler?" Steve enquired, perplexed.

Buck understood the feedback; he had brought the Wrangler for off-roading and touring, but it wasn't the best vehicle for anything more than a day trip. Sure, he'd slept in it previously, but it was uncomfortable for someone over six feet tall. "Yeah, but have you ever tried sleeping in a Wrangler? It's not that comfortable." He explained.

The wrangler would come in handy for going surfing, as Kono had told him that his board would be ready in a week. However, if he could work on a van conversion, he could travel further out and visit some of the other surfing spots, sleeping on the beach and catching the waves early.

"Will you have enough room for it?" Steve enquired.

Buck understood the question; his garage was large, but with so many cars and motorcycles, there wouldn't be much room left over. And with the vehicles he was looking at, he would need a lot of space. But if he were smart and planned correctly, he would store everything. He had previously sketched out the strategy on paper.

"Yes, I have the room. I don't intend to take the Rolls-Royce out very often, and the garage is spacious enough to accommodate all of the vehicles and motorcycles if I am careful." Buck explained.

And he needed to plan carefully. He had to worry about his Rolls-Royce La Rose Noire droptail, his 1966 Ferrari 275 GTB, his Jeep Wrangler 2021 Willys Edition, and his 1968 Shelby GT500KR Mustang, as well as making room for his Honda Rebel CMX, Harley-Davidson Knucklehead 1945, and Honda CBR1000RR-R Fireblade SP Carbon Edition. He didn't want to think about how much they were all worth combined, but that was his lawyer's problem when determining how much house insurance was required.

He intended to put the Rolls-Royce behind his Wrangler, so it would be partly covered if anyone glanced into the garage from the outside. He would then position his Ferrari next to his Rolls-Royce. He purchased the Ferrari following his first successful gallery opening and had it painted Nero black, which looked stunning when driving at night. He would then park his Mustang in front of the Ferrari since he was more likely to drive the Mustang and the Wrangler, so he wanted them to always be available if he needed to go anywhere.

His motorcycles he planned to line up towards the back of the side closer to the workshop so that they could be secured with bike locks and not easily stolen. If he lined them up across his garage, he'd have plenty of room in front for the van. He could easily fit Steve's truck and Danny's car in the remaining space. So he didn't have to worry about where he was going to keep his van when he got it.

He planned to park the van near the workshop so he could build anything he needed there before moving it to the van to install his units and bed. It would depend on the size of the van he brought, but that was an issue for another day. He would need to plan carefully to make sure he used all the available space.

"I just wanted to make sure, it's a good idea and will keep you busy," Steve mentioned that he was looking at a magazine with suggestions for converting a van.

Buck understood what Steve was saying, having to make a van conversion would keep him busy and take his mind off other things. He was aware that Steve still objected to him meeting Caleb and had told him of this on several occasions. Buck knew Steve was worried about him, that he was giving his heart again to a man who had broken it so horribly the first time. And he understood; he, Steve, and Sam had discussed everything following his meeting with Caleb. They sat in his living room with three beers (non-alcoholic for him), as he didn't want to drink too much while talking for hours about what he had learned. They discussed everything he had learnt, including the covert assignment Caleb had agreed to and Joe's knowledge of it. Steve had gone off about it, storming out onto his patio with his phone, most likely to call Joe and give him a piece of his mind. Sam had sat with him while they listened to Steve rant and rave at Joe over the phone. They listened to Steve's ranting for at least five minutes before drowning it out and talking to each other.

Sam, unlike Steve, was concerned mostly with where his head was. He did not let his emotions impair his judgment. Sure, he was irritated that Caleb had hurt him in this way and that he had embarked on a mission that could have resulted in them never knowing what happened to him. But Buck knew that, unlike Steve, Sam understood a little better what that kind of assignment meant; he didn't know much about Sam's work for NCIS, but he had a feeling it was highly classified with dangerous undercover parts.

He knew this simply because he worked for Miss Lang, which was a little unsettling. But that meant Sam undoubtedly knew more about what Caleb had been through while undercover and had urged him to contact him, so he had one of their former brothers to lean on. Sam wasn't pleased with the idea, but Buck had made certain that he understood that he wanted him to, even remarking that if given the same mission as Caleb, wouldn't he have done the same if it meant that Michelle and the kids were safe. Sam did not respond to his question, but Buck knew he would have.

Buck was brought back into the room when Steve requested a refill. He swiftly picked up his moka pot and poured the remaining coffee into his cup, then moved around his kitchen like he had lived there all his life. He emptied the coffee grounds into the small container he had concealed in one of the cupboards. He intended to use it as fertiliser for the greenhouse instead of buying some that contained harsh chemicals. He wanted to keep it as organic as possible.

"Are you free tonight?" Steve said after pouring some milk into the coffee.

Buck shook his head unconsciously as he meticulously cleaned the moka pot and replied, "I'm going out with Caleb again. We're trying a poke place that Chin suggested."

"Really?" Steve enquired, slightly surprised.

Buck sighed as he began to dry his moka pot, realising what Steve was getting at. He had already heard Steve complaining about Caleb for taking this kind of op and breaking his heart like that. He had publicly stated that he wanted to go and rip Caleb's head off, and when Buck attempted to defend Caleb, Steve had warned him that he would never forgive him for what he did. He would tolerate him for him, but he would never call him his brother until he saw some real change.

And he kind of understood why Steve was like that. Steve had been the one who had kept him alive after Caleb had left. Buck hated thinking back to those dark moments of his life, but he knew why he needed to. Steve had forced fed him more than once when he didn't want to eat and stayed awake to make sure that he slept safely. Steve had been the one to throw him into the shower when he began to smell, and helped him wash away the tears that he had let scar his face. Steve had also washed all his clothes, bought his food when he had run out and cleaned his apartment to make the place liveable. However, the one thing that Buck knew that he was more thankful for was that Steve had removed all his weapons from his apartment as well as locked his meds (save those he needed), and keys away so that he had to ask for them and wouldn't do something stupid.

Buck knew Steve had been terrified that he was going to lose him during those horrible days. Steve had always told him that he would always be his younger brother, and he would fight for him no matter what. Hell, he had been the only reason he was still alive today. After they had met during his training, Steve had become the older brother that he always wanted. And then, meeting the team afterwards, they had become his family.

Buck was concerned that his age would make him a liability, given that he lacked experience compared to the others and was the youngest EOD technician to be trained. Will his inexperience result in the deaths of his brothers? He had told Steve about his anxieties and stated that he would understand if Steve picked someone else to take his place. But Steve would not have it. He told Buck so. He chose him because he was the kind of brother he had been hoping for. And he wasn't going to abandon him simply because he didn't think he was good enough.

It was why he loved Steve and hated himself for abandoning him the way he did. He knew Steve understood why he did what he did, but he still felt awful. He merely cut Steve off as if he didn't mean anything and told him that after they had talked about everything. Steve told him that if it would help him, he would forgive him only if he forgave him for not reaching out and following up with him like he promised. Steve told him that it was a two-way street. They were both at fault for this circumstance, and all they could do was go on and strive to be better.

Buck stared at Steve, who rolled his eyes as if he anticipated what he was going to say. He had accepted that Steve would never forgive Caleb for what had happened, but he would be cordial for his sake. But Buck had a feeling that if given the opportunity, Steve would want to talk privately with Caleb. He was just shocked Steve hadn't sought out Caleb to talk already.

"Don't be like that, I know you don't like him, but this is what I want," Buck replied, rolling his eyes as he placed the moka pot away and turned back to Steve. "We are taking it slow and just hanging out getting to know each other again," Buck told him.

"I know," Steve said, shaking his head and groaning, "I'm just worried that he's going to hurt you again." Steve acknowledged, then said, "I still can't believe he agreed to this operation and Joe let it happen."

Buck studied his brother closely, knowing deep down that Steve didn't detest Caleb completely. Steve was angrier with Joe than with Caleb. Steve had gone to Joe after Caleb had vanished and begged him to look for him so he could give him a piece of his mind, but Joe had lied to him. Joe knew where he had gone but had never told them. Buck understood why Joe had kept this a secret; he had orders to keep it from the team, but Steve was still hurt that he hadn't told him.

"I know you are, and I appreciate it, but I know what I am doing," Buck stated as he leaned back against his counter, crossed his arms, and carefully looked at his brother. "We're taking it slowly, getting to know each other again as friends. And I understand why he agreed to it. We all do crazy things for our families." Buck proceeded.

"You were his family!" Steve snapped back.

Buck understood where Steve was coming from; he had tried everything for his family. He had gone above and above for the family he had formed in Los Angeles, providing both emotional and financial support. Sure, he didn't have to worry about money; he had plenty of it. If he wanted to, he didn't have to work a day in his life, but that wasn't who he was. He needed to stay active. Money was just that—money. He had no attachment to it.

He had helped Maddie settle into her new place when she had moved out of Abby's flat, paid her first few months' rent and provided her with the things she needed. He had paid for her new car, fuel, and insurance for the next three years, allowing her to focus on her new life. He also got her enough groceries to last at least two months. Every time she called and asked for money, he handed it to her without hesitation. He figured it out after he left for Hawaii, acquired his new phone, and had a chance to have his accountant check through his finances. He discovered that he had handed Maddie over $50,000 since she had returned into his life.

He had sat with her late into the night, listening to her complaints about her new job and how some people treated her as if she couldn't do it. He wanted to tell her that she had only just started and needed to learn the protocols and rules, so she understood what to do. He'd been forced to listen to her rant about how she wanted him to search for a safer work that was a better fit for him. She wanted him to maybe look for a safe office job, or she mentioned that she could get him an entry-level position in her work, as he wasn't qualified to do her job. As if she had any influence at 911. And he had naively never shot her entirely down; he had simply stated that he was thinking about it and left it at that, however, that didn't stop her from bringing it up again and again.

He also helped Bobby with some car repairs (he told Bobby that he had fixed it himself, which he did, but the parts he used cost three times as much as he told Bobby they did) and helped in the purchase of a new grill for Athena's home after he complained about wanting a new one but being unable to afford the one he wanted after Athena refused to help him because she did not believe they needed one. He had covered the bill and described it as a late wedding present.

But he'd also become Bobby's sounding board, complaining about things and then reminding him that he had to do what he asked since he was his Captain. And anytime he questioned him about something, he was shot down, only to be reminded that he was the captain, not him. He understood now that he should have reported it, but he thought he was doing the right thing by following his captain's orders. He could see now that he had simply gone along with anything Bobby wanted since it was easier than fighting with someone he saw as a father.

He further helped Hen a lot with house maintenance, school payments for Denny when their pay cheque did not cover the charge, and money for extra tutoring sessions that Karen had been told Denny needed when he was struggling in one of his subjects. Neither of them knew he had paid the bill; he had ensured that the school stated that it had come from a donation.

He also served as Karen's and Hen's soundboard over a bottle of wine. He had heard about their marital problems and issues with Denny, and Karen had expressed her desire to hunt for a better job, but wanted to wait until Denny was older. He didn't mind helping Karen because she always rewarded him for listening to their concerns with a decent bottle of wine or some of her excellent chocolate cookies, which he usually ended up fighting Denny over before departing.

He had even helped Chimney with his car repairs after his accident, when the insurance he had wouldn’t cover due to the cost of them. Chimney had no idea, of course; he just thought the insurance had changed their mind as he had gone through the garage itself, so Chimney thought that the insurance had covered the remaining bills. He knew Chimney would never believe he had that kind of money, and he had even joked that if something happened to his car, he'd have to walk to work or have them pick him up because he wouldn't be able to afford a used car or repairs. He never corrected him since he didn't want others to know he had money.

He was also forced to sit and listen to Chimney rant about everything and everyone. He had even had to listen to him complain that his previous girlfriend had not been listening to him about his latest rescue (which was very annoying because it was his rescue and not Chimney's because the man wasn't even qualified to perform it), but he had bit his tongue because he knew he would be chastised if he corrected him.

For Eddie, he had become his therapist since they had become friends. He had listened to his worries and anxieties for so long that he was convinced he understood more about Eddie's life than he did about his own. He had been there for Chris when he felt lonely or when Eddie was being distracted. He had sat with Eddie while he sobbed over Shannon or when he felt he was failing as a father, telling him that he was a great father.  

He had also paid a lot for Eddie and Chris. He had covered most of Carla's prices and asked her to lie to him about how much she charged, promising to cover the balance. He had paid for Chris' medical bills and therapy so that he could be sure that the little boy he loved as his own was receiving the best treatment possible, and he had even helped pay for Chris' school expenses through a scholarship given to him by an anonymous benefactor.

Thinking back, he realised how much he had invested mentally and financially in the family he thought he had, and how little they had given back to him. But he would have done it again if he hadn't learnt so much with Steve's help. They had never actually been his family. They had only been his family when he was helpful to them. However, if he had not had Steve, he knew he would have gone back. He would have gone back to being controlled until it became too much, and he ended it.

If that happened and he ended up killing himself, Buck knew that Maddie would have most certainly attempted to seize control of his estate and contest his will to gain access to his money and assets. And he had had enough of them. But he knew that if Maddie found out how much he had, she would do everything she could to get her hands on it all. She didn't care what his will said; all she saw was the dollar sign.

It was why he had made sure his will was airtight and had a capacity health check every year, so that if anything happened to him, Maddie wouldn't be able to claim he wasn't in his right mind when writing it. He couldn't help. Maddie seemed to want complete control over his life, regardless of what he wanted, and he wasn't going to let her do that now. Even if she was the only blood relative he cared about the most.

Family was supposed to be there for him, and he had fought so hard to try and keep that. But thinking about family made Buck realise that he knew that it had been this drive that had focused Caleb to take that mission. He had wanted justice for his family, and at the same time, he wanted to keep those around him safe.  Sure, it almost killed him, but he would do everything for his family, even if it meant harming them if it was necessary. Hell, he had hurt people when he left for his mental health, or if he believed the texts he was still receiving on his old phone, he had destroyed everything.

"Steve," Buck murmured, closing his eyes and shaking his head; he had told Steve several times that he was forgiving Caleb and expected him to be cordial with him.

"I know, I know," Steve responded. "I know you have forgiven him, but I don't think I can just yet, not until I can be sure that he isn't going to hurt you again," Steve admitted.

Buck sighed and stepped closer to his brother, smiling sweetly at him, "and that's fine. I do not expect you to forgive him, but you must understand that this is what I want. I'd like to get to know the man I used to know."

"I know, but I will be keeping an eye on him, and if he crosses the line and hurts you again, all bets are off," Steve replied harshly.

Buck couldn't help but roll his eyes as he leaned against the counter again, but he understood what Steve meant when he stated, 'all bets were off'. Steve had several tricks up his sleeve, one of which was supposedly a shark tank if he believed Danny's stories. He also had a sense that the statement would apply to all his brothers, including Sam and Alec, who had contacted him the night before to see how he was doing.

Alec had retired and relocated to Norway to start a technology business that was doing well, but he planned to return to the US in a few weeks to test a new drone (with help from Steve's connections) in Hawaii for search and rescues and wanted a location with substantial tree cover.  It seemed quite interesting, and they had discussed extensively about the design and the test he intended to run.

They talked a lot during that conversation, and Buck discovered that Alec was in a long-term relationship with a man who was a science teacher in Norway. But they were in an open relationship, with the understanding that they were honest about their hookups and had rules to follow, but they were content. Buck was pleased to learn that Alec had found happiness since leaving the Navy. Buck had asked Alec to bring his partner if he could because he had a spare room for them to use. He missed his brothers, and it wasn't like he didn't have the space. He would also like to meet Alec's partner (mostly to ensure that he was suitable for his brother) because, with him being a science teacher, he was well-versed in chemistry, which was also a subject Buck was interested in. And as an EOD technician, he was well-versed in chemical processes and wanted to see if he could learn anything new.

Alec vowed to ask for him but couldn't make any promises, but he would take him up on the spare room if that was okay.  Buck shook his head, even though his brother couldn't see him, and said he was always welcome if he didn't touch his tea. They'd both chuckled at the comment.

During the call, Alec enquired about Caleb, and when Buck admitted that he was attempting to mend their relationship, Alec told him that if Caleb crossed the line again or made him uncomfortable, he would be happy to help Steve in disposing of a body. He additionally stated that he had been talking to their other brothers who wanted to speak with Caleb themselves and asked if he had considered gathering everyone together so they could have it out with Caleb (with the promise of no bloodshed) and try to heal as brothers.

They'd always been close; they were brothers, after all. And to be honest, Buck had missed all his brothers. The notion of getting them all together at his house to chill out and enjoy one another's company again made his heartbeat faster. He had a large house, so they didn't need to worry about hotels. His couch was big enough for two of his brothers, and with all the spare rooms, they could do it.

"Chin has organised my Pū Blessing for Saturday, and I want you there," Buck remarked with a smile, changing the topic. Chin had texted him a few days previously, saying that the blessing could be performed on Saturday if he was available, and he pounced at the opportunity.

Before Steve could respond, his phone began to vibrate wildly on the island. Steve moaned before looking down and seeing Danny's name on the screen; Buck knew well what it meant. They had a case, and Danny was most likely enquiring where he was so he could pick him up, but it wasn't necessary anymore. Not with his cars due today.

Steve moaned before answering, and Buck went into the living room to retrieve Steve's keys, which he had put on the coffee table in a fes porcelain bowl he had purchased from Morocco. He had fallen in love with the geometric Islamic pattern with vivid colours and brought it with him, but when he left, he left it behind. He had entirely forgotten to pack it away with everything else, but Steve had taken it with him when he moved in, claiming that he had left it behind and had kept it safe for him.

As he picked up the keys and returned to the kitchen, he noticed Steve standing there, pinching the top of his nose and clamping his eyes tight, as if he didn't like what he heard. Buck stood in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe, watching his brother speak hurriedly on the phone. Buck was always worried about his brother while he was away on a case, and Steve ran the team like he had their unit. He would gladly give his life to save his teammates, if necessary, but this time, he couldn't be there to ensure his brother's safety. But he trusted Danny, Chin, and Kono to protect him. However, he was unable to worry.

Steve turned to gaze at Buck, who smiled and held out Steve's keys. Steve recognised the gesture and nodded, telling Danny that he would meet him there before hanging up the phone. He then approached him, extending his hand with the keys, and Buck grinned and dropped them into his pocket. Steve had never taken anything from him in the past, but now that he was back, he would stop himself and force him to hand over anything he was passing to him. He recognised what his brother was doing this way, so he wouldn't feel as if he was attempting to control him. Instead, he let him choose whether to give him anything he was holding.

Buck swiftly dropped Steve's keys into his hand and gave him his goodbye hug before watching as Steve ran out the door. Buck couldn't help but giggle as he watched his brother leave; he shook his head and went to get Steve's cup, wash it, and put it away.

Buck then went to the fridge and took one of the bottle smoothies he had made a few days earlier to make sure he drank plenty. Buck had asked Kono during one of their surfing sessions if she had any smoothie ideas for him to test. Sure, he knew a few, but not very many. The next day, Kono sent him a list of twenty recipes from her Aunties, along with instructions on what each did. And his pantry was now filled after he went to the local farmer’s market. He knew he'd have to buy fruit and vegetables until he could get his greenhouses up and running, but he didn't mind as long as it was local.

He had also ordered a dozen glass bottles so that he could fill them with his own smoothies and store them in the fridge, as well as some glass cleaner so that he could use them again and again while ensuring that he cleaned them correctly to avoid getting sick. 

He had made three different types of smoothies, including a berry protein smoothie packed with blueberries, strawberries, Greek yoghurt, oats, and protein powder rich in antioxidants and protein to help his muscles. To stay hydrated, he made a cucumber and mint smoothie with lemon, ginger, and freshly cracked coconut water. He also found an online recipe for a golden turmeric immunity smoothie that included turmeric, banana, milk, cinnamon, and honey. Although the recipe called for almond milk, he experimented using fresh cow's milk and enjoyed the flavour.

He had tasted them all before bottling them, and he had six of each, so he chose one of his cucumber and mint smoothies. He liked the fresh flavour of this one and went upstairs to his office. He needed to look over some more documentation for Mr Sanderford and sign some paperwork for his lawyer.

As he settled into his office with his smoothie, he spotted a picture in a frame on his desk that he had not put there. But he knew where it came from; he'd seen it before. It had formerly been in Steve's home office, a photograph of him and Steve during their first tour together, perched on the front of a Humvee, grinning like madmen. Steve must have put it there while he wasn't looking.

He missed those days, which were similar. He didn't have to worry about anything other than joining his brothers and surviving for the next mission. He had told Steve that he had no family who cared for him that day. Instead of dismissing the comment, Steve embraced him and told him that if his family didn't care, they weren't worth caring about. They were his family now. As he picked up the photo and leant back into his chair, he found himself smiling at it. He looked so happy in the photograph. His smile was genuine, and he did not appear to be forcing himself to be there. He just wanted to be there with his brother, joking about everything and enjoying their free time. He missed those days.

He returned the photo to where Steve had left it and turned on his computer to get the paperwork that his lawyer wanted him to review and collect the remaining documents that Mr Sanderford had provided him from the safe. He had already written numerous letters to the new owners of his artwork (or at least copies of them), but there were still a few to go.

He checked his email and saw that he had received an update on his belongings from the docks, as well as the time they would be delivered. They were due to be dropped off at 11:30 a.m., Buck felt himself smiling like a fool when he saw it. He understood that the cars would be easy to remove from the transport vans, but the other container would be more difficult because it carried all his belongings. Fortunately, Mr Sanderford had arranged for help to unload it because he knew there would be a lot of heavy lifting. Some of his collected artwork weighed more than some of his fitness equipment.

He forwarded the email to Mr Sanderford, informing him that his belongings had arrived and that the containers had been verified, ensuring that everything had arrived securely. And then got to work on the remaining documentation he had sent, as there were no additional emails for him to deal with. He intended to sort through the paperwork for his lawyer after lunch because he lacked the stamina to read the twenty-page document he needed to review.

Instead, he read a few thank-you letters from the charity he had chosen to support, and he found himself in tears as he read some of the stories of the individuals his money was benefiting. He took notes on who he wanted Mr Sanderford to look into and possibly figure out how he could aid them more. One of them was a single father with three young children who had lost his business due to the wave; the charity was assisting with the business, but perhaps he could do something for the children and their father to make their lives a bit easier.

As he concluded the final thank you, he discovered a single page written in Mr Sanderford's precise hand. It had a small piece of paper attached to it that was addressed to him and contained a brief but direct message. He was perplexed by the document at first, but then he began reading. It was a witness statement of some kind, but before he read the entire paper, his gaze was drawn to the small note attached to it. Mr Sanderford's written statement was straightforward; he simply told him that he overheard something while at the gallery opening for first responders and thought he should have a record of what he had heard, which he had already forwarded to the appropriate departments.

Buck didn't understand what he meant until he started reading the witness statement. He felt himself shrink in his chair as he read what his own sister had said, followed by the tension that Mr Sanderford had witnessed. Chimney's words in a show he hosted to show support for first responders made him nauseous. Did the man believe he was untouchable? He had seen the guest list and knew that many of the brass had attended the exhibition, so Chimney's willingness to talk so openly was astounding. Did he want to keep his job?

He'd always known Chimney was a little self-centred and thought he deserved everything the world had to offer him. Buck had assumed that Chimney was discouraged because other firefighters were trained to perform more dangerous rescues than him. He didn't understand, as being a paramedic and firefighter was remarkable. Sure, he had some medical expertise, but not to Chimney's degree. But, for some reason, Chimney believed that portraying himself as a fierce firefighter who performed all these insane rescues would make him appear more appealing to others.

However, he had seen a difference in Chimney's comments and lying after meeting Maddie. Buck had a hunch it had something to do with Maddie's desire to control those around her; he wanted to make her happy by demonstrating that he was the responsible one and did not risk himself as Buck did. Instead of embracing his rescues and claiming them as his own, he knew Chimney would rush to Maddie the moment they returned so she could scold him or show up to his apartment for her sisterly discussion, which usually ended with yelling or her telling him off like he was a child.

Reading everything Chimney and Maddie had done at his event made him glad that he had submitted a report to the department over what had happened to him, which could bring both Chimney and Bobby down if he had not asked for them to be. Chimney's belief that he was Lieutenant material was ludicrous. Bobby was the only one who gave Chimney such freedom. While working on another scene, Chimney clashed with every other Captain who oversaw the scene, believing he knew better than they. But he never got away with it.

Buck closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair after finishing his witness statement. Mr Sanderford stated that the department had already been notified of their conduct, and he was confident that this would not be the only statement. He'd seen pictures of the event published in a few news articles. The photographer had captured a photograph of the disagreement between Maddie, Chimney, Bobby, and Athena, and the image was worth a thousand words. He had a hunch that the department would be able to penalise Chimney for his actions at both the gallery and the station without his involvement. He refused to get involved because he did not want Maddie to have any more grounds to blame him for her problems.

Buck placed the witness statement in one of his new folders, which lined one of the shelves of his bookcase. So far, he had ten box files lining one shelf; he liked to keep things in order. He had made one called LAFD and inserted Mr Sanderford's witness statement into it; it seemed natural because it had nothing to do with his current position and everything to do with his past.

He took a huge sip of his smoothie as he reflected on how his life had become so chaotic. Sure, from the outside, his life appeared ideal. He had a large house, loyal friends he could rely on, and he never had to work again. But it wasn't his ideal existence; he wanted to help others and create something better. However, LA had ruined it for him. But perhaps Hawaii might help him repair that.

Buck returned to his work, attempting to push what he had just learnt out of his mind. He needed to finish this, and happily, the last few pages Mr Sanderford provided him were simple to complete. They were mostly new reports that requested a statement from the artist, and while Mr Sanderford's name would appear on the statement as his agent, he preferred to write his own words for them. It helped him feel closer to those who appreciated his work.

Then he heard his phone vibrating on his desk, where he had placed it when he sat down. He took it up to discover that it was his gate intercom, and outside sat the lorries loaded with his belongings, as well as a small van carrying the people Mr Sanderford had hired to assist him with his things. One of the drivers stood at his gate after hitting the call button. Nick had programmed the call button to respond to his phone and the screen next to the front door in case he did not have his phone with him.

He responded, informing them that he would unlock the gate and allow them to drive through, but that it might be best if they turned when they were at the house to make it simpler to unload everything. The driver thanked him, and Buck saw him hop into his vehicle and approach the gate; with a click of a button, his gate opened, allowing them in. He waited until the last vehicle entered before closing the gate behind them.

Picking up his half-empty smoothie bottle and phone, he went downstairs to open the front door and garage. However, on his way, he also unlocked his art studio because he knew one of the lorries carried a large amount of his art equipment that needed to be placed there. He'd figure out where stuff lived later. He only needed them to be carried upstairs.

As he opened his front door, he noticed the trucks lining up and the moving crew getting out of their van. Mr Sanderford had engaged a local company and based on the name on the side of the van, he established that they were affiliated with Kono. Probably an uncle or aunt, but he didn't care. They were the very best on the island, according to Mr Sanderford.

For the next hour and a half, Buck felt like a conductor, letting the movers know where he wanted things to be put. They moved round like a well-oiled machine, and soon two of the three lorries had been unloaded and were leaving since their job was done. Buck had made sure to offer everyone food and drinks as they worked and when the drivers were leaving, he gave them two bottles of water each. He had seen the forecast for that day and didn’t want anyone to overheat.

The drivers were taken aback, as they had become accustomed to delivering to households like this and being treated like dirt. But that wasn't Buck, and he had told them so. He has been where they were before and understood that they were only trying hard to achieve a better life for themselves. He wasn't going to treat them poorly for it. They had thanked him again before feeling obliged to take another handful of coconut mochi cookies he had cooked with fresh coconut from the market (mostly to acquire some coconut water for his smoothies). They had been a hit with everyone.

All his vehicles, as well as his motorcycles, were hauled into the garage to ensure that they had arrived unharmed, which they had. However, two of the movers were left to check that the cars' engines operated properly and that they had been filled with fuel before being stored. The motorcycles had undergone the same tests. Mr Sanderford had indicated that the movers would check them, but when he asked the man in charge, he explained that they provided this service when vehicles were being transported because salt air could affect the vehicles, so they checked everything.

His collected artwork, which had been wrapped to within an inch of its life, was carefully transported into his home and set where it needed to be. His Mexican bronze sculpture was put in his living room, on a solid wood cabinet he had brought specifically for it. He intended to turn it into his little bar once everything was ready, and happily, Mr Sanderford had sent over his whisky and rum collection, which he had accumulated over the years. He had also seen his crate of whisky glasses, which he had bought from Scotland, and knew they would fit into the wooden serving tray he had discovered while shopping.

Buck's heart sank somewhat as he watched the last lorry be emptied and saw his weapon safe. His safe was securely locked to prevent it from moving and causing damage. He knew it held his two rifles and two sidearms, along with some collected pieces that no longer fired. He had already stored his primary sidearm in his new safe. Two of the sidearms in the safe came from his residence in Los Angeles, and he had requested that Sam ensure that they were transported with his other guns.

Caleb had taught him how to use his sniper rifle better, which was a Mk 23 mod 7, while their friendship grew. Steve had wanted him to learn how to shoot because his aim was the third greatest among all of them, excluding Carl, their team's sniper, and Caleb, their second sniper and generally Carl's spotter. He also had an M110 Semi-Automatic Sniper System, which he employed during his service. It wasn't his favourite weapon, though, because it was the rifle he used for his first confirmed kill after Carl was shot by an enemy sniper. Carl had told him to take the shot as he was bleeding out and would only let him help him once he did, and Caleb had confirmed the kill.

His Glock 19 was blissfully sitting in his safe upstairs, unloaded and something he never intended to use again, but couldn't get rid of. It took four guys to carefully move the safe out of the lorry and onto a dolly to help wheel it into his workshop, where he had left a space in the part that housed his camping supplies for it to go. He intended to put a cabinet around it to conceal the fact that he had a weapon safe within. And he'd already had holes bored in the concrete so it could be bolted down.

He observed as it was relocated, and his thoughts turned to what else was held inside. His Heckler & Koch 45 Compact Tactical handgun and a Sig Sauer P228 were both inside. Both weapons had their own body count, which he never wanted to talk about to anyone. They were the guns he kept at his flat in Los Angeles, hidden from sight yet close at hand in case he needed them. Sam had messaged him that he had given them to Mr Sanderford for shipping, so he didn't have to worry about getting them to Hawaii.

However, also in the safe were some weapons that he had never fired and would never fire them. One of these weapons had been a gift from a fellow soldier with an interesting story that came with it. It was his Colt M1911. He had received it one day from a retired S.A.S. member, with a brief note. He had only recently returned from a demanding operation; the message was clear: the colt was expressing gratitude from someone he didn't know. He sat down and read the message three times. The letter came from a retired member of the S.A.S. who wanted to thank him for saving his only son, with the explanation that this was the only way he could express his thanks.

It was then that he remembered the name; it had been an operation in which they had collaborated with the S.A.S. to target a compound. Everything had gone as planned until he heard his name shouted into one of the buildings, where a young S.A.S. member stood frozen in place. He felt something under his foot and had accidentally trod onto a pressure plate.

He discovered the device a few minutes later and ordered everyone out. The device was large enough to bring down the entire structure, killing him and the S.A.S. soldier and anyone inside it. The young British soldier had directed him to leave, but Buck wasn't about to let the young man die in a way that would prevent his family from burying him. If the bomb went off, there wouldn't be anything left for his family to bury, only an empty coffin.

He worked on the device as they talked, hoping to keep the kid calm so he wouldn't move and kill them both. He learnt that the kid's name was Craig, and he had only been in the S.A.S. for a few months. Craig was one of four children, with three younger sisters (for whom he felt terrible as sisters were a pain), and had joined the army and later the S.A.S. to follow in his father's footsteps. That dad had served in the S.A.S. until his retirement, and Craig wanted to make him proud by joining. 

After twenty minutes, he successfully disarmed the device, saving both himself and Craig's lives.  Craig had a minor breakdown, and he didn't blame himself. Craig had tried to convince him to leave him while working and hunkered down on his stance as his legs began to cramp from standing stationary for so long. Buck wasn't about to leave him to die. That wasn't in his nature; Steve and Caleb must have been furious with him for putting his life in danger after he had radioed that the device was disarmed. When they arrived on base, Caleb dragged him into one of the spare storage units they had and pulled him into the most aggressive kiss they'd ever exchanged before pulling him into an embrace.

Buck had been sitting on his couch with the Colt for a while before it dawned on him that Craig's father must have some influence if he could find out who he was and where he lived. The colt appeared properly cared for, with the S.A.S symbol engraved into the grip. Looking at the firearm, he realised it was a peace offering and a thank you for rescuing his son. Craig's father's message with it stated that the man did not know how to deal with his feelings, and that sending him a weapon was his way of thanking him for saving his son's life, soldier to soldier.

Following that day, he made it a habit to clean the Colt once a week to keep it in tip-top shape. However, after leaving it in his safe, he instructed Mr Sanderford to take it to a nearby gunsmith to keep it in the best possible condition. He didn't want it to go missing, but he also didn't want anyone to see it. He could explain the other three weapons, but the Colt was a different problem; it only required someone (Eddie, primarily) to notice the grip and emblem, and he'd have to tell them about his time in the Navy. Sure, he could pass it off as a collector's item, but firearms with the S.A.S. symbol were difficult to locate given their past.

Another gun in his collection that sat in the safe was his Remington Model 700, an ancient hunting rifle he had seen every time he visited Mr Samson's house for dinner. The old man had noticed him staring at it every time they ate. Mr Samson asked him if he had ever fired a gun, and he admitted that he had not. The next day, he hung out with him; he took him to the range and let him shoot it. Spending time with him was the only time during his upbringing when he felt like he had an actual parent. Mr Samson was patient and showed him how to fire and clean the rifle without him needing to ask. After his death, Buck found out that Mr Samson had left it to him in his will with a little note telling him to never let anyone hold him back again. And he had done everything in his power to live up to that comment, however, he knew that sometimes he had fallen short.

They finished around 1:30 p.m.

The rest of his belongings were now in his home, and after thanking the movers for the fifth time, he was left alone in his newly completed home. Some items were still in boxes, but it wouldn't take him long to find a place for them. It was mostly the keepsakes he had picked up during his travels, but he knew where he wanted them to go.

An ulu knife he discovered in Alaska with an antler handle, given to him as a present after catching a giant king salmon with a few new friends. He had a wooden box fashioned with animal carvings to keep it safe. It was currently placed on the shelf in his office on display to show its beauty.

A brown cowboy hat from his time in Montana, made from fur felt that he had worn while working on ranches there, and he had even bought a hat stand for it. They now sat in his bedroom on the unit that housed his record player. He loved the hat and wore it almost every day while working with the horses and cattle, which is why it appeared so worn. He had added a leather hatband that had been braided with beads and secured with a hawk feather at the end. He had wanted to have another made but had decided to move on instead, keeping this as one of the few reminders of where he had been.

He also has a good collection of blues memorabilia from his time in Mississippi. He had fallen in love with music since it had allowed him to recognise the beauty that existed in the world. He had gotten his hands on a few vinyl albums of prominent blues musicians, three of which were signed by the artists themselves. They were preserved in plastic to safeguard them, along with all his other recordings, and he had played them several times over the years. He had also acquired a vintage sunburnt Gibson L-30 guitar. That now sat next to his fireplace on its stand, as if it had always been there.

He also had a large collection of jewellery, which he never wore but enjoyed collecting. In New Orleans, he had bought a jewellery box in addition to Kamran's music box to store all the objects he had acquired. He had several items from all around America and South America, some of which are now considered vintage and have a reasonable price tag, but they weren't for sale and never would be. That jewellery box now sat in his wardrobe in the second safe, which was built to contain jewellery because it had little hooks for hanging necklaces if necessary. Many of the objects were gifts from people he met on his travels, each having a story behind it.

But not all of them had been gifts; like his cars, he had spotted some of them in shops and markets that he had visited and had fallen in love with them and purchased them without regard for the price. He'd fallen in love with his Black Hills gold ring, which he had purchased in South Dakota, while passing through a tiny town. The ring itself was more of a signet ring design, with a brilliant turquoise stone serving as the backdrop for a golden eagle.  The ring's edges were adorned with feathers and native bush leaves, adding to its attractiveness.

However, just because he stopped travelling did not mean he stopped collecting. He was merely little more cautious around anyone from the 118. Luckily, he had never ordered any for the apartment. He didn't trust anyone from the 118 showing up who had access to his place and opening his packages. He had caught Maddie doing just that one day, thankfully, the package had only been some more protein powder and his electric bill, but he didn't want to risk Maddie getting her hands on any of his financial documents or his orders.

He'd started collecting Rolex watches, and he now had over twenty in his safe. He had the submariner and the day's date and intended to get more. He had requested Mr Sanderford to keep an eye out for a few other items he wanted but were no longer available, so he had to visit the auction house. He had also begun to collect some Christopher Ward watches from England; thus far, he had accumulated the entire military watch collection. He had also gotten his hands on the moonphase watch, which he thought was gorgeous with its 3D moon that became brighter as the moon phased and closed the starry night sky background watch face. 

He had initially thought they were a waste of money because he couldn't wear so many watches, but as time passed, he understood they were an investment. An approach of building a safety net that he didn't need but could benefit the person he left the watches to. In his will, most of the watches would be divided among his brothers, each chosen to fit their personality. Of course, he would never tell them how much each watch cost because they would have wanted to kill him for giving them such a gift; however, he wanted to ensure that they had at least a small safety net in case they ever needed it. 

Buck headed to the kitchen and washed all the cups and glasses that the workers had used, as well as the now-empty dish where the biscuits had once been. He then began preparing his lunch. He could have cooked something; he had some chicken marinating in buttermilk but restrained from preparing it. He'd save that until tomorrow because he didn't want to work over a hot stove right now. He still had all the boxes in his art studio to sort through, as well as the documents for his lawyer. So he made a simple honey ham and cucumber sandwich on brown bread. He cut it in half and placed it on a plate before taking one of his berry smoothies from the fridge and stepping outside to the patio, where he sat on the outside couch and looked out at the sea.

As he slowly ate his sandwich, his mind couldn't help but toy with his thoughts as he tried to relax before handing over the lengthy document his lawyer had asked him to review. As he looked around, he observed three gulls flying overhead. How easy his life would be if he could just fly away like birds could. However, his thoughts refused to leave him alone. All he could hear was Steve's voice repeating itself in his head. Was he just clinging to Caleb because he was the only steady relationship he had experienced? Was he just a naive love-stricken moron who wanted to be in a relationship solely to avoid being alone again? Did he and Caleb even have a future? Or was he simply trying to grasp onto Caleb before abandoning him again?

Fortunately, he finished his sandwich before becoming nauseous, and he grabbed for his smoothie, cautiously sipping it. Was he being stupid? Was he being a pushover? Was he just letting Caleb back into his life in the hopes that at least one of his relationships wasn't made up of lies? And he couldn't talk to anyone as freely as he wanted to. He had Steve, but his older brother had already made up his mind. He hated Caleb and had told him that he was not going to change his mind. And if he told Steve what he was thinking, Steve would say what he thought, making him question himself even more.

He considered talking with Sam or Michelle, but each had their own problems to deal with. Sam had work to worry about, and since he worked for Miss Lang and NCIS, he had to focus on his work; otherwise, he could end up hurt. Michelle had to worry about her children and Sam's job.  Buck also didn't want to speak with Michelle because she understood what Caleb had done. She wasn't happy with what Caleb had done, but she had said when they last spoke that she understood his train of thought. That he had acted to protect those he loved, even if he went about, it badly. She did, however, warn Buck that if Caleb ever did it again, she would personally kick his butt so hard that he would never be able to sit down again. Buck laughed, but he knew Michelle, like Steve, was not joking.

As Buck sipped his smoothie, a name came to him, one he had wanted to contact for weeks but had avoided because he didn't want to disrupt her life. But right now, he really wanted to speak with her.

Athena, like Michelle, had taken on a motherly role for him. However, unlike his mother, they did not look past him or who he should have been. They just saw him. They didn't care about his shortcomings or will. They didn't care that he wanted to help people, even if it meant putting himself in danger, as they saw it. They both worked in jobs that required them to put themselves in danger to protect individuals they did not know.

Sure, they were quick to call him out for doing something stupid or dangerous, but they understood why he did what he did. They never openly tell him off. Instead, they usually pull him aside to allow him the opportunity to explain himself. They did not yell, nor did they simply assume he was at fault. They would allow him to fully explain and rationalise his ideas before asking if there was anything he could do differently. When the response was no, they told him, "Well done, but please be more careful." They placed their trust in him to complete this task.

Buck hated himself since he had been the one to cut off contact with Athena, even though she had done nothing wrong. Maybe he should have reached out to her before he got so low, so he wouldn't have left like the coward he is. Athena had not done anything wrong. She had never jumped on the bandwagon that Bobby had been pushing with everyone else. Nevertheless, he had ghosted her, just like everyone else. Athena had never sided with Bobby like everyone else; instead, he had reduced communication with her out of respect for her marriage to Bobby. He didn't want to interfere with her marriage; she had children to worry about. He was simply no one. Sure, she treated him like one of her children, but he wasn't. Not really.

He looked down at his phone, which he had placed on the wooden coffee table that matched the rest of his outside furniture when he had sat down. He stared at the phone, terrified that it would jump up and bite him if he got too close. He knew it was ridiculous to think that, but he couldn't help but imagine the ranting that would come from the phone if he phoned Athena.

At the same time, he couldn't help but wonder: what if Athena refused to take his call? Would she yell at him for leaving like that? Would she listen to him, or would she simply blame him for all the issues that his lawyer had discovered were currently happening? Would she let him explain what had transpired, or would she believe Bobby's words? Would she side with Maddie? The thought of his sister made his heart race faster. Would Athena tell Maddie that he had been in contact? If Athena truly wanted to find him, she would make every effort. Could she still trace the call even with the encryption Steve had had Catherine install on his phone? Could she track him down?

If Athena turned up in Hawaii, Buck didn't know how he would feel. He would be a little upset that Athena hadn’t respected his space but recognised that she must be worried about him. However, it was the question of who would join her. Buck knew that if he asked for Athena to keep their talk private, she would. However, if she suddenly changed, would others notice? Would Hen or May notice a difference? Would Bobby? Would they use her to track him down and try to take control of him again?

The prospect of his sister finding him drove his heart to beat even faster, and the fear he'd thought he had overcome resurfaced. He knew what would happen if Maddie found him here; he looked around his house and knew she'd want him to sign it over to her. Along with the car deeds, his bank accounts, and all his belongings. She would want complete control over his life, forcing him onto the path she thought was best for him.

It made him ill to think that his own sister would do that to him, but he knew she was only concerned with herself and what he could do to her. If Maddie had complete control over everything, he would be forced to give up his independence, something he could not take. If it happened, he probably would have committed suicide. If only to ensure that his will was carried out, leaving Maddie with little compared to what he had. She would receive money and a trust fund for any children she had, but she would not receive any of his property, vehicles, or assets. His trustees would handle everything for him, and they were not easy to persuade.

It was then that the voices returned, instilling uncertainty in his mind. Did he deserve all this? Was keeping things from his family worth it? Was he being greedy by not sharing his wealth? Did he go too far by leaving like he did? Should he have gone to Bobby personally and asked for leave? Did he really need to go via the Deputy Chief? That was why the investigation began, due to his going to the brass rather than Bobby. Had he destroyed their whole lives? Was he as selfish as they claimed he was? Would Athena just yell at him, demanding that he fix everything? Bear the blame for Bobby and Chimney? He knew Maddie expected him to take on the responsibility for everyone and ask for forgiveness.

Buck shook the questions out of his mind, knowing they were untrue. He had the freedom to focus on himself, and this did not make him selfish. He was protecting himself, and according to Doctor Copeland, desiring to protect himself was not selfish; rather, it was a necessary process for him to heal. And he felt better as a result; he had gotten eight hours of sleep each night. I awoke refreshed and ready for the day. He was eating well and had gained some weight.

He had weighed himself following one of his weekly calls with Doctor Gallagher. She had urged him to weigh himself every week so she could monitor how quickly he was attaining the necessary weight. She explained that because he wasn't eating properly, his body began to break down muscle and fat as food, and that now that he was eating, he needed to retrain his body to use the food he was consuming instead of his muscle or fat. He had asked whether he was okay to work out, explaining that he now had an at-home gym and already had a training plan drawn up by his friend, who had designed his previous training plan. He had emailed across the plan as soon as his friend had provided it to him, so she could see it and approve it before he started. And, happily, she had; he felt fantastic after working out. It was difficult, tougher than he had anticipated, but he had started to achieve some of his goals. His body had begun to heal, and the most recent blood tests he received two days ago were showing promise.

Buck was broken from his thoughts when he noticed his phone screen light up with an incoming message. He had assumed it was Steve asking him whether all his stuff had arrived safely and promising to manage any problems he had, or it was Doctor Copeland confirming his appointment for tomorrow.

When he picked it up, he realised the message was from Caleb asking if he wanted him to pick him up because he had finally picked up his rental car, or if he wanted to meet at the restaurant. Buck sighed as he looked at the message; he was excited to show Caleb his new house. Allow him to think back on some of their travels together when he saw some of the pieces, they had picked out together on their trips, but he stopped himself. He wasn't there yet. He needed to keep his place as 'his space' for the time being. Maybe when they had spent more time together, and he was confident that Caleb wasn't going to leave him again.

But he didn't want to meet Caleb there because it meant saying goodbye to him too soon or waiting for him, and he knew his brain would keep telling him that he wasn't going to show up. Instead, he messaged him, saying he'd pick him up and asking for his hotel's address. In all their previous adventures, they had just met each other there, and he knew that it was making his mind think too much. He knew it was stupid to hide his address, but he needed a sense of security for a little while. And Caleb had told him that he understood the reason that he had hurt him, and that he would wait until he felt ready to tell him.

Caleb responded within thirty seconds, sending him an address to a nearby hotel that Buck was familiar with, the Navy used when they needed to put up their personnel there between deployments.  Buck smiled and remembered Caleb grumbling about his next-door neighbours being a couple on vacation or something because all he could hear was them making out or doing something that sounded illegal. Buck had laughed so hard at that comment, he then told Caleb, who was looking annoyed, that they had been told the same thing by several of their brothers while they were together. Caleb went a light pink shade when he said that, but then he laughed along with him about it.

Buck remembers one time as if it were yesterday; it was one of the most embarrassing experiences of his life. They had been staying in a hotel overnight due to weather conditions that had grounded their aircraft on their way back home, and as usual, Caleb and Buck got assigned a room together. And they may have gotten a bit carried away as both Alec and Carl started banging on the wall. Buck had tried to hide his face into Caleb's neck when he heard his brothers yelling at them to hurry up or quit because they didn't want to hear their younger brother getting fucked.

Buck couldn't look either of them in the eye the next morning, and Alec joked on their journey home about being shocked to see Buck walking so normally. Caleb had laughed along, but Buck couldn't help but pull his hoodie over his face. Part of him couldn't help but agree with Alec. He was astonished he wasn't sore; he felt a little discomfort, but nothing like what he thought he would feel.

Steve had pulled them aside when they got home and told them that while he was glad, they had a strong and healthy relationship, but they couldn't repeat what happened because all it would take was someone reporting them to the brass to have one or both of them removed from the team. Buck was aware that they were taking a risk by continuing their relationship. He had overheard Caleb and Steve chatting one day, and Caleb had stated that he would gladly leave if it kept Buck with their brothers, but Steve had argued that it wouldn't be their choice who moved, and given Buck's well-known skills, he was more than likely the one that the brass would move.

Buck sent Caleb the thumbs up before closing the Messenger app.

Buck found himself sighing aloud as his finger hovered over the call app, and without realising it, he opened it, entered Athena's phone number, but failed to hit the call button. Instead, he stared at it, as if the numbers were about to spring out of his screen and hurt him.

He couldn't help but recall all the past times Athena gave him support on an issue he was facing. She had always responded truthfully and without judgment. Of course, she frequently gave him the motherly look, which made him smile. But she hadn't told him what to do. Not like Maddie, who would take control of the situation and tell him what he needed to do, and if he ventured to vary from her plan, she would be furious with him. Athena simply shared her opinion and advised him to think more carefully before acting, which he needed right now.

Buck pressed the call button and moved the phone to his ear before he could reconsider. Listening to the phone ring, he couldn't stop his mind from worrying him with each ring.

One ring - what would he do if she didn't answer?

Two rings - would she even answer?

Three rings - such a foolish idea; of course, she wouldn't want to talk to him.

Four rings, and he needed to hang up before it was too late.

He had become so worn out after five rings that he needed to hang up because he didn't want to leave a voicemail.

But before the six rings could sound, the phone connected, and Athena's calm voice rang in his ears, "Hello?"

Buck felt his voice catch in his throat as he heard her voice; all his emotions bubbled up, and he found himself biting his lip to keep them under control. However, he needed to be brave; he was the one who reached out, and he needed to follow through. "Hi Athena," he said, clearing his throat.

Buck didn't blame her for the call's silence. It must be surprising for him to call out of the blue after being radio silent for so long. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea, he had never thought about what Athena wanted when he hit call. Only what he wanted. Was he being selfish dragging Athena into his mess?

“Buck?” Athena’s quiet voice called through the phone like she couldn’t believe that she was talking to him and needed to ask to be sure.

It crushed his heart to hear the emotion in Athena's voice; had he caused it by walking away? Had he hurt her so severely that it soaked into her voice? He never wanted to upset her. According to Mr Sanderford's witness statement, Athena attempted to put Bobby, Maddie, and Chimney in their places more than once, and thinking that he was to blame made him loathe himself even more.

"Yeah, it's me," Buck muttered, attempting to keep his emotions under control. He didn't want to have a breakdown on the phone, which might cause Athena to do the same. He had to stay focused; he wanted to say what he wanted to say before chickening out, backing out, and hanging up.

"Buckaroo…" Buck could almost see Athena wiping away a tear or something, as the intensity in her voice remained heavy. He had only heard this much emotion in Athena's voice before, and she had sat quietly crying without calling too much attention to herself. Athena hated displaying vulnerability, and when she did, she always withdrew to deal with it alone.

"How are you? Where are you? Are you okay?" Athena's questions came all at once, and Buck couldn't help but smile a little as he heard only worry in Athena's voice; there was no anger, and not hearing it now made Buck realise that he had made the right decision in calling Athena first.

"Yeah, Athena, I'm ok," Buck responded while evading her second question. He wasn't ready to have his safe place invaded by the past; he was already dealing with it with Caleb's unexpected return. He didn't want to deal with someone from Los Angeles showing up; even if he knew who was coming to him, he didn't want to deal with that aspect of his life right now. He would feel more at ease if he kept LA as far away as possible, communicating just via phone for now. It would allow him to end things if he felt pushed. He could escape with the click of a button. He realised that sounded harsh, but he needed to focus on himself for a change. It would take time, but he had established these boundaries for a reason, and he needed to keep them.

"Where are you, Buckaroo?" Athena enquired quietly.

Buck sighed, understanding why Athena wanted to know. He blamed her maternal instincts, and being a police officer that she was concerned that he was not safe, but at the same time, he couldn't help but wonder if Bobby was standing there listening to their conversation. What if he told Athena where he was, only so he could tell Maddie? He couldn't take that chance.

"I'm safe, Athena, but I'm not ready…" Buck began to explain, hoping that Athena would understand why he was not telling her where he was.

But before he could finish, Athena jumped in, saying, "No, I understand; knowing you're safe is enough for now." She explained, taking a long breath.

Buck realised that she must have been scared when he left so suddenly, holding her breath until she knew he was safe. Which was a little puzzling; Buck knew Athena considered him as one of her children and would have joked about adopting him, but he wasn't, not really. And hearing that fear in her voice now made it feel like she had meant those words and hadn't just spoken to them for show. Which only made him feel worse. Sure, he knew that he had done it for his own well-being, but that didn’t make it any worse. He had caused someone he cared about a lot of pain, and he didn’t know how long it would take before he could ultimately forgive himself for that.

Buck cleared his throat and asked Athena the question that had been on his mind since he considered calling her for guidance. "Are you free to talk?" He knew Athena was a busy woman, between her job, raising her children, and dealing with the mess he left behind when he left, and he didn't want to bother her if she was busy. He would call back later if that was the case, even though he was unlikely to do so. He would most likely convince himself out of doing it, leaving him with additional questions.

"Of course," Athena's voice interrupted his train of thought. She seemed ecstatic when she said it, as if she was not going to let him put the phone down on her. "I'm off today, and Harry has football practice, so his coach will drop him off on the way home. So it's just me and the book you recommended in my chair, listening to the rain." Athena explained.

Buck couldn't help but smile as Athena spoke; he wasn't thrilled that Athena was spending time alone, but he also understood that with her profession, she needed time to unwind and relax. That was why he suggested a new book series he had discovered that he felt she would enjoy. He was slightly relieved that Athena had not mentioned Bobby in her reply.

"How's everyone?" Buck asked, breaking the silence. He was also happy that Athena did not press him to tell her where he was.

Athena chuckled slightly at his question before responding, "Well, May is good. She started to receive acceptance letters for the colleges he applied to. However, she has frequently informed me that she is about to have a breakdown every time she receives an email or a letter with the college's stamp on the envelope or the college's email address."

Buck couldn't help but smile at her comment; he remembered helping May with her applications and how little sleep she got just filling out the forms. He had to force them out of her hands before taking her out for ice cream several times to calm her down. He understood why she was so nervous; after all, this was her future, but he was confident that May would ace any interview. And she didn't have any financial problems; she was unaware of it at the time, but if he remembered correctly, she would now.

The trust was set up to be paid out to her as soon as the colleges' offers started to be sent out, or at least a few days before, so May wouldn't have to choose based on what loans she could obtain or scholarships she applied for. The trust would take care of everything. All she had to worry about was maintaining her grades and meeting the deadlines.

"She heard from her top favourites yet?" Buck asked, knowing that May had her favourites but had not talked openly about which one she really wanted.

Athena groaned before speaking, "New York has made her an offer, as has Boston, but as far as I know, New York is still her favourite. But she still has a few colleges she is waiting to hear from."

"Good for her," Buck said. He was aware that New York was among the schools May was most interested in attending. Sure, it was further away, but one night, May mentioned that it would be good not to be known as the cop's daughter. She had told him she felt pressured to prove everyone incorrect. So perhaps a fresh start would be beneficial for her. Buck couldn't be proud of her. May wanted to develop as a person, and she wanted to help others. And perhaps moving to a different city would help her develop herself more. He had relocated more than once to try to rebuild himself; it was difficult, and he had taken a few tumbles along the way, but that was because he had done it alone.  But he'd done it. He knew May could do the same, and she wouldn't do it alone. He would make sure she did not have to go through what he did. He would always be there for her; someone she could call at any time of day or night. Be the person he's never had.

"And Harry is doing very well at school and in training." Athena went on, "His coach said he's likely to be selected for the first team when the season begins. And he received an A on his most recent English assessment. He also got a B on the science project. His teacher stated it was one of the best he'd seen, but due to his exam score, he couldn't earn a higher grade, so he's happy with what he got."

Buck couldn't help but smile when Athena answered. Harry had asked him for help over the phone during the lawsuit because Bobby had attempted to help but had essentially taken over the project, which he hated. He wanted to help, but he wasn't allowed to. That was until May demanded that he meet at the local library, where she sat with Harry, looking nervous. May was very much her mother's daughter. Harry had said that because he scored poorly on his exam due to nerves, he needed a solid mark to pass his class. Buck agreed to help as long as it wasn't discovered by his parents, and May promised to bring him so they could hide it from them. It had not taken him long to get Harry's project started. Instead of taking over like Bobby had done, Buck had asked Harry what he wanted to focus on, and after some hard work and long hours, they had completed it ahead of schedule.

Buck had no idea if Harry had told his parents that he had asked for his help, but according to May, Bobby was taken aback when Harry showed his project and wanted to argue about why he hadn't used the one he had done, but Michael had sent him a look that kept him quiet. May had laughed so hard when she told him how thrilled Harry appeared as he showed off his work.

"Tell him congratulations from me," Buck responded with a smile.

Athena laughed. "I will," Athena said before proceeding with her update. "Michael and David are thinking about buying a property near the hospital. They love the flat, but they want to settle down, so they've started looking for properties. But David has already begun to complain about how specific Michael is with every location they visit."

Buck could sense the glee in Athena's voice as she told how Michael picked at almost every house they saw. He argued that the house was too modern or too vintage. There weren't enough features or too many. They did not have a large enough garden or had too much landscaping to handle. The list went on.

Buck couldn't help but laugh as Athena continued to detail all the issues Michael had discovered in every house they had looked at. Michael was an outstanding architect who enjoyed displaying his talent within his home. He saw it in their flat, and David had told him that he had never decorated his previous apartments, so it was all Michael.

"He's very particular, Buckaroo, but I think David is nearly at his wits' end," Athena said while giggling.

Buck chuckled out loud because he knew Michael loved looking for features in homes and incorporating as many as possible into his designs. Michael liked how his flat had maintained its high ceilings to make the most of the available space. When he first saw the place, it was one of his favourite features. But he'd never truly loved the place. Ali loved it, and all he wanted was to make her happy.

"I remember..." Buck replied gently.

They returned to silence for a few moments before Athena spoke again, clearing her throat before asking, "What have you been up to lately?"

The query seemed innocent enough, but Buck worried that Athena was fishing for information. Was she trying to figure out where he was? Or was she merely inquisitive about how he was doing and what he was up to?

Buck blurted out, "Healing," without intending it. Athena's question made him reflect on what he had been up to recently. Sure, he'd bought a house, helped his brother in apprehending a group of robbers, and been working to better himself. But he had been healing, and that was the word he uttered.

Buck felt a stab of guilt as Athena grew silent in response to his words; he did not want to hurt her. But he had to be honest: he had been healing. Since leaving LA, he had confronted a lot of the things he was trying to ignore. His sessions with Doctor Copeland had gone further than he had ever done before, and they had been helpful. He had been able to confront issues that he had long suppressed, as Doctor Copeland had said in their most recent session. She had observed that since his move, he had been more open about his past and was no longer trying to hide anything.

And he appeared to be ready to focus solely on himself rather than on what he needed to do for others. Buck began to wonder if it was because he no longer had to keep things inside. He didn't need to be ready to give up everything to help someone who only saw him as a tool to be used (he didn't mean the kids, because he would do everything for them), but now that he didn't have anyone counting on him, he could work on all of his problems that he had kept hidden so he couldn't completely break.

"I'm sorry, buckaroo," Athena muttered.

Buck sighed. He didn't want Athena to apologise. She had nothing to apologise for. Unfortunately, she, like the children, got caught up in the chaos. He thought about getting upset at Athena for simply standing there, but he knew it wasn't right. Athena had no idea what Bobby had done, and when the truth came out, she was preoccupied with her work and her children to do anything.

He wasn't related, after all; he was only a kid who worked for the man, she married. But he knew that wasn't the case; Athena cared about him and tried to stay in touch with him; it was he who had taken a step back to respect her marriage. Even if Bobby did not deserve it.

"It's not your fault, Athena," Buck remarked quietly.

"No, I should have seen it," Athena insisted. "Should have done something, been there for you," Athena said, and Buck could hear the pain in her voice. He could hear how much she hurt. No matter how many times he told her he didn't blame her, she would keep blaming herself. It reminded him of himself.

"You didn't do anything, Athena," Buck remarked softly, starting to toy with one of the cushions he had on the couch. He needed to keep his hands busy, or he'd start fiddling with his fingers.

"Exactly, I didn't do anything to help you, Buckaroo," Athena said with a sigh. He heard her shuffle around in her seat.  "If I had, then maybe…" Athena continued.

Buck, however, did not allow her to continue her sentence: "I would have still left Athena; you couldn't have stopped it. I needed to be away from everything." He knew what Athena was going to say. She felt that if she had stood up for him, he would not have left. But Buck knew it wasn't true. He still would have left, called Steve, and left the department. Mostly because he didn't want her to take sides. He didn't want to add to her issues after causing so many already.

"I know, but at least you would have had someone on your side," Athena whispered gently, and Buck could almost see her fiddling with her necklace, as she often did when her emotions got the best of her.

"I knew you were," Buck confessed softly. Athena had never chosen Bobby's side. Never messaged him to tell him to grow up and listen to Bobby, since he knew better. She didn't yell at him or call him stupid for wanting to go back to the job he loved. She didn't ask that he sign over everything to her, like Maddie had done, so she could manage everything. She didn't do any of that, but she still believed she had left him alone in the dark. "I just didn't want to cause any more problems with you and…"

"You didn't," Athena countered. "Bobby made this mess, and believe me, he knows about it now," she said, and Buck could hear her shake her head.

Buck felt himself shake slightly as Athena mentioned Bobby in that way. This was her husband, and she was strong enough to recognise that he was wrong, and at the end of her answer, she was leaving him to sort out this mess on his own without any help from her. Perhaps this was why Sam couldn't find any attempts to locate him through LAPD channels. Athena was not going to help Bobby fix this; he would have to handle it on his own. But Buck remembered how distraught Bobby was when he and Hen discovered him in his flat with a table for four. He didn't want to be the reason for his relapse into drinking; he'd come so far, and despite all the pain he'd caused him, he still cared about him.

"How is he?" Buck enquired, nearly whispering, but he felt compelled to ask.

Athena exhaled loudly, and Buck could hear she had drawn back into her chair to consider how she would respond to that question. That only made Buck more concerned; had something happened to Bobby? Had he done something to harm himself? He would never forgive himself if that happened, no matter how much pain he had caused him. He still cared about the man he previously considered a second father.

"I don't know any more, Buckaroo," Athena acknowledged, taking a deep breath before continuing. "We haven't been talking much without arguing. He's not the man I married; the man I knew back then would never have treated you like this."

Buck could sense the pain in Athena's voice as she spoke, and he had to agree with her. Bobby wasn't the same man they knew; the man he had come to regard as a father would never have lied to him in that way. Would have never gone behind his back.

"Even if he's suspended, he does not come home. I'm not sure whether he's drinking again, but I wouldn't put it past him." Athena continued, and Buck allowed her; if getting her thoughts out helped her even somewhat, he'd make himself listen. "He's at Chimney's right now, trying to help him get Maddie off the chargers, which isn't happening. If she isn't careful, she'll just add to her sentence." Athena then admitted.

Buck was disappointed that Bobby would side with Chimney and Maddie after what she had done, but he wasn't shocked. Bobby has always supported Chimney and has done so since the beginning. He had helped cover up his accident, granted him privileges above his rank, and regarded him as his second in command more than anybody else. And then support him against anyone who dares to put him in his place.

"I heard," Buck acknowledged. He wasn't sure whether Athena knew that he knew about Maddie, but hearing that Maddie thought she had a chance of getting off those chargers was almost comical. Maddie was simply digging herself a deeper hole and was going to take Chimney and Bobby with her without a care in the world.

Deeks (who had phoned him after Sam had given him his phone number, so he had a direct line in case Buck needed anything) had given him the rundown on the case. Buck asked about Davy and Matthews, concerned that his sister had caused any lasting damage. Deeks had laughed and told him that they had returned to work the next day. Buck felt awful, though; they had been forced to deal with his sister and got hurt as a result. Buck knew they both went to the popular police officer and firefighter’s pub near the headquarters, so he asked Deeks to make sure $100 was deposited behind the bar to cover their drinks.

However, Deeks told him that this might not be a smart idea, especially because the case is still pending in court, and Maddie's lawyer could classify it as bribery. Instead, Deeks donated an anonymous donor to the bar anonymously, so they couldn't claim it was for those two officers. As a result, Buck had increased the payment; instead of sending $100, he assured Deeks that he would pay $250 for behind the bar and organised for the bar's new roof, which the owner, a retired cop, could not afford and was starting to cause problems. Deeks then told him that he was exactly as Sam described him, and said that if he needed help with anything, then to let him know. Deeks, with the help of his lawyer, who happened to be in the same classes at Law School as Deeks, swiftly settled the roof contract and explained to the owner where the money had come from. Fortunately, the man didn't ask many questions after Deeks told him the money was from a former firefighter, not some criminal looking to get his hooks into the department.

"How?" Athena asked, surprised that Buck was aware of what was going on back home. Perhaps she assumed she would be the one to explain what Maddie had done. When it slipped out, she realised she would need to fully explain to him that his sister had been arrested for fighting two officers after attempting to break into his flat and kick out the person he was renting it from.

"Did the DA contact you?" Athena then enquired.

Buck realised where the question came from; Maddie had attempted to get into his property, and even though he was renting it out to Kyle, they needed to guarantee that he hadn't allowed Maddie access to the property while he was away. That's what his lawyer told him when he sent them a copy of the contract Kyle had signed, which stated that only the building management could enter the apartment for check-ins and repairs. He later added Sam to that list, but he emailed Kyle a copy and explained why, and Kyle agreed without question.

"No, but my lawyer did get an email from the building manager to report it," Buck explained. Fortunately, he had no direct contact with the DA's office, and his lawyer was handling everything, stating that because he was not outside the state, they did not need to speak with him and that his lawyer could handle everything moving forward. "But I knew before that arrived," Buck admitted. "I have a friend in LAPD who told him. My lawyer has been handling everything since, but I know she will not get out of this, no matter how good her lawyer is. I'm shocked they hadn't started discussing a plea agreement." Buck was surprised Maddie hadn't taken a plea deal or something to reduce her likelihood of prison time, but it was clear his sister thought she was above the law.

"I believe her lawyer has discussed it, and the DA offered one, but she is refusing to listen." Buck heard Athena shake her head as she stated, "She keeps acting like she is above all of this; she's only digging her own grave."

Listening to Athena explain what was going on with Maddie, he couldn't help but think, was she telling him this in the hopes that he would be able to help her somehow? But he wasn't going to do it, and he knew Athena wouldn't ask him either, but he couldn't quite believe she wasn't trying to tempt him back into the chaos.

"I can't help her, Athena," Buck stated firmly, his voice wobbling slightly. Saying those words seemed like he had finally severed the connection with his family. He'd helped Maddie out too many times and spent far too much money on her; she needed to stand on her own two feet for a while, and no one was going to drag him back into that mess.

"I'm not asking you, either; no one can help her unless she admits her mistakes. You are doing the right thing by not helping her; you have done enough for her." Athena admitted. "You are doing what's right for you, you don't owe anyone anything."

Buck smiled at Athena's words; he was grateful that she recognised what he was doing. But hearing Athena assure him that he was not selfish and that he owed no one anything made him feel vindicated.

Buck gazed out at the stunning landscape in front of him and knew he had done the right thing for himself. "Thanks, Athena," he murmured, sighing.

They fell silent for a few moments. Buck found himself focusing a little too much on a seabird flying over his garden; talking to Athena had begun to make him feel even more at ease than he had ever been before. Perhaps this is what he needed?

Athena cleared her throat before asking, "So, have you been looking after yourself? Eating well?"

Buck couldn't help but laugh aloud, and it felt great to laugh again. He heard Athena chuckle on the other end of the phone and realised that hearing him laugh might have helped her relax a bit. Buck felt his heart skip a beat after hearing Athena question him in the same way that any mother would question their child. He missed Athena's motherly tone as she checked to see if he was okay and taking care of himself.

"Yes, mom," Buck said cheekily, attempting to hold back his laughter but failing miserably. It only became worse when he heard Athena scoff at his childish remark.

"Don't backchat me; I just hate that you have to do this alone," Athena added, which caused Buck to laugh slightly. God, did he miss Athena. But then he thought about Athena's second comment: Did Athena believe he was doing this alone? That they had pushed him to run and face his problems alone?

"I'm not, I promise, Athena," Buck whispered. "I'm with my brother," Buck said. He could practically see Athena's shocked expression when he mentioned his brother. He had previously told Athena that he only had one sibling, so it must have been surprising for him to say that he had a brother out of nowhere.

"You have a brother?" Athena enquired, astonished.

Buck chuckled slightly, knowing that he would have to explain his brother to Athena, but he had to be careful because he wasn't ready to admit to Athena that he had served in the Navy Seals, or that his older brother was a decorated Navy Seal who now ran his own task force. "Not by blood, but close enough," Buck said, aware that Athena may ask him further about Steve. He wasn't ready to tell anyone about Steve just yet because it meant having to answer awkward questions about how he met him.

"He's been making me eat, go to my doctors' appointments and continue my sessions with Doctor Copeland," Buck explained. he could go on and on about everything Steve had done for him since he called him.

"I'm glad you have someone," Athena replied honestly, but Buck could tell by the eagerness in her voice that he wanted to know more about this brother. And ask him what he meant by ‘doctor's appointment.’

"I've made some good friends as well, and I spend a lot of time with them," Buck answered, but the word friend made him think of Caleb. He also meant Kono, Danny, and Chin, but he meant Caleb. He couldn't help but smile as he remembered all the times they'd gone out together as friends, but he wished it had been something more.

"What was that?" Athena asked.

Buck had no idea what she was asking; all he responded was that he was making friends and hanging out with them. "What was what?" He enquired, hoping Athena would clarify.

Buck heard Athena laugh slightly over the phone before saying, "You know what, Buckaroo." She laughed a little more before asking, "What's her name?"

Buck kicked himself and sighed as he leaned against the cushions, looking up at the sky. He should have known that his voice would change every time he thought of Caleb, even if he didn't say his name. And he should have known Athena would have noticed the shift in his voice. But before he spoke, he thought back to her question. It seemed that she was about to learn another one of his secrets today. He never told anyone he was bisexual, but to be fair, he had only dated women since he got to LA.

"His name is actually," Buck acknowledged.

He knew Athena had no problem with queer people; her best friends were lesbians, and her ex-husband was gay. But he had concealed this from them, and from Athena, just as Michael had done to her. He only hoped she would forgive him like she did Michael, as it must have triggered some of those emotions again.

"Ok, what's his name?" Athena asked without hesitation. It was as if she didn't care that he had said he.

"Caleb is an ex," Buck revealed. This was what he wanted to talk about with Athena, and he wasn't going to give up now that he'd gone this far.

"But you want him to be more than just an ex, I'm taking by your tone?" Athena asked.

Buck leaned back into the cushions, raising his legs and tucking them to the side of him to get comfortable. "Maybe…" Buck spoke quietly. Deep down, he knew he wanted Caleb more than anything else, but he also knew he couldn't make anyone love him. Even though Caleb had stated as much. It would break his heart to see Caleb walk away from him again, but he wouldn't stop him if that was what he wanted.

"He's the one to end things, and he hurt me a lot when he left, and maybe I am being stupid to think we could try again, but…" Buck explained, but his voice failed him. For some reason, he couldn't find the words to express his feelings.

"You still love him, even though he hurt you," Athena continued, and Buck realised she wasn't asking a question, but rather asserting a fact. And she was right: he still loved him.

"Yeah, I don't know if I'm too broken to think that we have a chance…" Buck admitted calmly, as if simply saying the words would cause them to come true. Was he too broken to have another relationship? Would he only end up hurting Caleb?

"You, Buckaroo, are not broken. There is nothing wrong with loving someone, Buckaroo; it is just who you are. Sure, Caleb may have hurt you, but it doesn't mean you should ignore what you're feeling. Yes, you must be certain that you love the man he is today and not compare him to the one you knew back then." Athena cut in.

Buck found himself smiling softly as she spoke; she was never one to let his self-doubt win an argument, but she did make him think a bit more about what she said. She made the same point as Doctor Copeland and that only made him think more clearly about how they interacted with each other.

"There isn't?" Buck enquired innocently.

"No, there is nothing wrong with loving someone who has mistreated you in the past. You just have to be cautious and upfront with him before getting back into a relationship." Athena spoke calmly yet authoritatively, indicating that she believed what she was saying. 

"I realise it's not the same, but if I can be good friends with Michael and David, we can go for dinner once a week while co-parenting the kids. Just because of our past does not mean I no longer care about him; I still love him, just not in the same way as before." She proceeded.

Buck had always been stunned by Athena's friendship with her ex-husband. He'd heard about couples like this being completely shattered when one of the partners came out as gay, and how the other partner had done everything they could to destroy the other for the harm they'd caused, normally using the children as weapons. But Athena had not done that; she had been angry, of course, and she had every right to be, but she had set her feelings aside for her children's well-being. And that only demonstrated how amazing a mother she was.

She prioritised her children over her feelings, but over time, she developed a positive co-parenting relationship with her ex, and they now consider themselves friends.

"So, are you saying that it's ok to give this a chance?" Buck asked.

Buck could see Athena was shaking her head at him for his lack of confidence. "No one else can tell you what to do, Buckaroo," she remarked candidly. "The question you should ask is, what do you want? Forget everyone else; what do you want from your life? Would you like to try things again with him? Are you certain this is what you want?" Athena asked.

"Yes…" Buck spoke honestly for the first time, but all of Athena's questions began to swirl around in his mind.

"Then you have your answer, Buckaroo," Athena whispered, and he sensed she was smiling into the phone. "Who cares what other people think?" Athena asks, chuckling, "Do you love him? The person he is today?" Athena asked.

Buck reflected on her questions, which he had been thinking about since Doctor Copeland had brought them up. Every time he spent time with Caleb, he fell more in love with him. Caleb may appear slightly different, with more tattoos and a deeper tan. Just thinking about him made him blush a little. He looked incredible. And he sounded older; his voice was a little rougher, but only when he was tired. However, the only aspect about Caleb that had changed the most was his eyes. They appeared old, but that was the only sign that Caleb had changed. Other than that, Caleb was the same man he had fallen in love with all those years before.

He wanted to know what had happened to him, what he was forced to do, and whether he wanted to talk about what he had witnessed, but he didn't want to force Caleb to speak. He would never force Caleb to do anything he was not prepared for; he had already forced him to talk about why he had left, but that was all he was comfortable with. Doctor Copeland had previously warned him that forcing someone to communicate could bring more harm than good. And he never wanted to hurt Caleb, as he loved him so much.

"He's not changed at all, he's still the same man I fell in love with," Buck confessed for the first time. He had never told Steve since his older brother did not want to hear anything positive about Caleb because he was still frustrated with him.

"Then you have your answer, all I am asking is you sit down with him before you go forward with this to set out your boundaries and to see if Caleb also wants to try again," she replied.

Buck grinned as he remembered how Caleb had already set boundaries for him, not for himself, so that he would feel comfortable in whatever relationship they were developing. He loved how Caleb was more concerned about him than himself, and how he always let him decide what they did and where they ate. But because of this, Buck consistently asked him what he wanted to do; Caleb had attempted to argue that he wanted him to choose, but he wouldn't let him. Buck had told him that if they wanted their friendship to work, they had to work together.

"He said he does," Buck said gently.

"Then you have your answer, Buckaroo," Athena remarked, chuckling. "However, you better plan for me to meet this boy so I can give him the talk about what will happen to you if he hurts you again," Athena stated, chuckling darkly.

Buck couldn't help but roll his eyes at that comment; it seemed like everyone he viewed as an older sibling or parent wanted to threaten Caleb. Steve, Sam, and now Athena had all expressed their intention to give Caleb the shove talk. He felt terrible for Caleb right now.

"Athena!" Buck laughed as he thought about how the meeting might go.

"What? You think I'm going to let you date someone without giving them a talk? If he can't manage that, he isn't worthy of you." Athena argued with him, chuckling.

Buck replied, "You sound like Steve," without thinking.

Athena hesitated for a time, and Buck realised he had never named his brother until that moment. "If that's your brother, we'll get along perfectly," Athena answered, unconcerned with the fact that he had just told her his brother's name.

Buck winced; he hadn't intended to say that, but he trusted Athena. And it wasn't like he told her his brother's full name. That would have given her too much information, but a first name couldn't help much unless Athena went full detective on him, which he knew she wouldn't do.

"I think you will," Buck answered, laughing. Athena would have liked Steve, especially how protective he was of him, but as an officer of the law, it might be pushing it. According to Danny, Steve walked the line between following and breaking the law more times than he could count. He was going to mention it, but doing so would have revealed to Athena that Steve was a law enforcement officer, something Danny hated because Steve enjoyed going all Navy Seal on some of their criminals.

"He's just a little overprotective, he texts me three times a day about random stuff, but I know he's just checking up on me," Buck remarked. As much as he loved his brother, he wasn't used to someone checking in on him. Back in LA, he would only get someone messaging him when they wanted something from him. Maddie needed to vent about how unfair her work had been, Eddie needed a free babysitter, and Chimney simply wanted him to do something for him. Nobody wanted him for him.

"He's just worried about you," Athena explained, defending Steve. "He sounds like an amazing older brother," she told me.

Buck could not help but agree. Steve was the best brother he could have asked for. He cared about him. He never held him accountable for his past misdeeds or kept track of how many times he messed up. Steve accepted him for who he was as a person, unconcerned about how young he was or his lack of life experience. He accepted him as his brother, no questions asked.

"He is…" Buck said something but suddenly stopped. For some reason, he pondered how badly he had destroyed Athena's life and had never apologised for it. Yes, he was now safe and hidden away with his brother in Hawaii, but he had left a huge mess for everyone else to clean up. He hated himself for that. He should have been strong enough to deal with his mess without depending on others to do it for him.

Yes, he should have phoned Steve, because his mental health had deteriorated so badly, but he should have been able to handle it himself. For God's sake, he was a former Navy SEAL, an EOD technician with qualifications, and a firefighter trained in heavy load rescues. He should have been able to handle it himself, but he had failed.

"Athena…I'm sorry," Buck said quietly as he closed his eyes.

"For what, baby?" Athena asked quietly, which made Buck feel even worse.

"Bobby, his suspension…everything," Buck admitted. If he had done things differently, things might have turned out differently. Sure, he'd still be in LA, fighting Maddie and without the job he loved, but his friends would still be talking to him without having to hide it, so they wouldn't be shouted at as well.

"That wasn't on you, Buckaroo, you did nothing wrong," Athena argued. "You stood up for yourself, and I am so proud of you for doing that." She clarified, her tone rising as she stated that he had done nothing wrong. She acted as if she wanted him to believe her, just as she believed her own words.

Athena sighed, and he heard her rise to her feet before beginning to walk away, from what sounded like she had moved onto the deck as the sound of rain striking wood became louder. "Bobby could have ended this, admitted his mistake, and handled it like an adult, but he didn't," she explained before pausing. As if she were trying to organise her thoughts. "Instead, he dug his heels in and blamed everyone except himself. His lies caught up with him, and because of that, he was suspended until the department's investigation ended. Athena proceeded.

But then she chuckled and sighed. The chuckle sounded flat, with no warmth to it. "It does not look good for him, and he isn't seeing it. He still believes they will simply let him back in as they did after the lawsuit, even though it was you who caused that to happen." Athena admitted. Buck was taken aback by the comment; he had no idea it was general knowledge that he had asked the department to leave Bobby alone after he withdrew the suit.

"I'm sorry…" Buck spoke like a child.

Athena groaned again and murmured something Buck didn't get, but before he could question, she began talking: "Again, this isn't on you, and it's not just you leaving that prompted this investigation. A friend in the department claims that they have been receiving complaints about him for weeks and have now gathered enough evidence to launch a full investigation. Complaints have poured in from other Captains and stations, not only regarding Bobby." Athena exhaled again.

He had learnt about the investigation via his lawyer, and a few days earlier, he wrote a statement for his lawyer to give to the department. He did not want Bobby to lose his job; he was a fine firefighter, but as a Captain, he needed to work on himself before returning to the captain's post. He had intended to remain out of it, but Doctor Copeland had asked him a question that worried him: would he want another firefighter to go through what he did? Would he trust Bobby not to act that way if another firefighter attempted to defend himself?

Those questions had prompted him to act; he wasn't about to put another firefighter through what he had. So he reported all that had happened. He didn't want to, but he felt compelled to protect another firefighter who did not fit Bobby's idealised picture.

"If Chimney didn't sort himself out, he was going to get suspended. And him defending Maddie in this manner isn't helping his case," Athena added.

"If I'd only…" Buck complained, if he had done things differently, perhaps this would not have happened. Maybe Maddie was right; this was all his fault.

"Stop it, Buckaroo. They did this, not you. They are only now facing the consequences of their actions. Maddie needs professional help, and Chimney isn't helping by trying to cover for her, and Bobby is naive enough to imagine that he can make everything better while being in problems," Athena stated. Then he admitted, "Buckaroo, if you were in front of me, I would slap you over the head." She said with a slight chuckle.

"Hey," Buck responded, although he couldn't help but laugh a little at her comment, knowing she wasn't joking.

Athena began laughing again, and Buck couldn't help but join in. They laughed together for around five minutes, uninterrupted. God, he missed his talks with Athena and promptly promised himself not to shut her off like that again. She had made it plain that she didn't care what happened to her husband because she seemed to agree that he was going to get what he deserved. However, he did not want to cause any problems in her marriage. He would plan their calls when Bobby was not around, or he would ask her to make sure that he didn't find out she had been talking with him.

When he was ready, he would ask her to bring May, Harry, and possibly Michael and David onto their calls. If that happens, maybe it's best to plan those calls while the kids are at Michael's so Bobby can't catch them.

They then fell silent, only to be broken when Athena asked, "So, what are your plans for the remainder of the day?"

Buck smiled at the notion of his plans; Caleb loved seafood, so he hoped the Poke place was as amazing as it had been rated online. He had already scanned the menu and was eager to try the Spicy Ahi Tuna Poke Bowl that Chin had recommended, given his tolerance for spice. He had a feeling Caleb would order the Tropical Poke Bowl and try to fit the Ahi tuna, salmon and prawns all in his bowl.

"I have some work that my lawyer needs, and then I have dinner plans with Caleb," Buck told me. He didn't tell her what they were going to eat, afraid she'd figure out where he was. He wasn't embarrassed to tell Athena that he had work for his lawyer to do, since he had already informed her that he had one on record. He was only hoping she wouldn't ask about it.

"A date?" Buck could see Athena's grin over the phone when she asked.

"I wish…" Buck scoffed, then groaned; he desperately wanted it to be a date. "I want it to be, but..." Buck explained, then closed his eyes. He wished he had the bravery to simply ask Caleb if they could try again, or at least go on another first date, to see if there was still something there.

"But what?" Athena asked.

"I just don't want to scare him off," Buck explained as he began to toy with his now-empty smoothie bottle. He wished he weren't so afraid; he knew Caleb and trusted him entirely (or close to it), so he shouldn't be afraid to ask him out on a date, but was it too soon? Would Caleb tell him he needed more time? Would he want to keep their friendship if he turned him down?

"If he loves you like you love him, he will want it to be a date," Athena said, her voice breaking through his minor breakdown.

Buck bit his lip, attempting to calm himself down to avoid bursting and divulging even more to Athena. He knew Caleb loved him, and it wasn't just because he said so. He had started to do the little things for him again, like he had done when they both had started developing feelings for each other. He would hold the door open for him, pull out his chair for him to sit on, and sought to cover all their outing expenditures. Deep down, he wanted to text Caleb and ask if they could change their meal as friends into a date, but he couldn't.

He needed to ask Caleb on a proper date, and he couldn't do so by text; he needed to do it in person. He had to get this right because if this was the beginning of their new relationship, he wanted it to go well.

"I might ask him tonight," Buck acknowledged. "See if he wants to go out on a genuine date next time, maybe dinner or a movie," Buck added, trying to remember what a nice first date meant; it would need to be perfect for Caleb. His prior first dates hadn't gone as planned. But then he recalled his and Caleb's first date.

It had been a simple first date, they had decided to go to the movies and then find somewhere to eat. No upscale restaurant or fancy location. That wasn’t them. They went to the local cinema to see a new movie that neither of them wanted to see, but thought it might be good, yet when they sat down with their popcorn, they noticed two people whom they both knew well. Alec and Carl were trying to hide, but they had been spotted. They had laughed because they knew their brothers were spying on them, as they had threatened to do.

They couldn't believe they had followed through on their threat and believed that their other brothers were properly outside waiting for them to leave so they could follow them. To get back at them, they chose to skip the film's ending because they weren't enjoying it. Instead, they set out to get something to eat. They went to a taco truck that they had been to a couple of times and sold some of the best tacos they'd ever had. It was part of a small food truck court that had recently been established near the beach and close to the base. Many of the base personnel went to the court for food because it was better than what was available on post.

After getting several kinds of tacos to test, they went to the beach to dine and watch the sunset. They sat on the warm beach, laughing at how stupid their brothers were about getting caught and why they assumed they wouldn't notice them. However, they also discussed how they intended to work together while in a relationship. Neither of them wanted to put their brothers in jeopardy for their own selfish interests. Since they agreed to start seeing each other, they had tried to be more loving to each other to work on their relationship, and they hated it. They learnt that just because they were together didn't mean they had to behave differently.

They sat under the stars and began to plan their life together, which seemed weird for a first date, but they had kind of been in a relationship for years and had simply made it official. They talked about their goals in life; in the end, they both worked out that they were both interested in leaving the Navy, settling down somewhere nice, and starting a family.

The sun had fallen, and the moon was shining brightly when they decided to check their phones, only to find their displays filled with missed calls and text messages from their brothers. They attempted to act nonchalantly while asking how their date was going. They laughed at the messages and then checked their group chat to find Steve chastising Alec and Carl for getting caught and losing them. They had forgotten that they were also in the group chat, which made them both laugh loudly even more.

That day, he thought he had found his soul mate, so they decided not to make any huge gestures. Instead, plan modest, intermittent weekends away or visits places that they both wanted to visit. They didn't spend money on expensive or overpriced items for each other, but they did buy thoughtful presents for each other, such as the belt he bought him, and Caleb had gotten him a leather jacket he had been eyeing in a vintage clothes store for a long time.

"That sounds like a plan, Buckaroo," Athena's voice cut through the memory.

"Yeah, it was actually what we did on our first date previously," Buck said, recalling that night and how happy they were.

"Then you will have a good time," Athena remarked with a small chuckle, before clearing her mouth. "Now tell me everything about him," Athena stated.

Buck couldn’t help but laugh. Of course, Athena would want to know all about Caleb and without a second thought and felt relieved that he could finally speak to someone about Caleb without judgment. He started to talk about Caleb with her and explained a little about Caleb’s history. Like where his family was from, details on their date and that they used to work together. He left out that they both served in the Navy and what he did before joining the department.

He also didn't mention the fact that they were engaged and had planned the wedding until Caleb had ended things. He knew that if he did, Athena's planned conversation with Caleb would turn out to be far more fatal than he had hoped. He'd just gotten Caleb back; he wasn't about to risk his life at the hands of one of his paternal figures. He already had worries about Steve doing something stupid.

But as he talked about Caleb, he began to believe that, if he believed it, everything would fall into place. Buck just prayed he didn't mess it all up.

Chapter Text

Josh really wanted a drink right now, maybe several.

He couldn't help but feel relieved that his shift was almost over; this was one of the longest shifts of his life. He typically enjoyed working at 9-1-1, but right now he wishes he had chosen a different career. Looking up at the clock on Sue's office wall, he knew that he had been hiding in here since it all happened, not wanting to face anyone since the blowout. This would be office talk for the next year, if not longer, and he was smack in the centre of it.

Josh sighed and settled deeper into the soft, comfortable chair Sue had put him in that sat in front of her desk. He only had one hour left on his shift and couldn't wait for it. Then, he was done with at least 72 hours of peace and quiet before needing to return to work. He intended to silence his phone for those hours, not answering any work-related messages or calls. And informed Sue as much as possible before she left to speak with one of the more senior managers.

He still couldn't believe this was how his shift had ended.

He had planned to finish his shift in the same way he finished all his previous ones: he would take a dozen more 9-1-1 calls, complete the logs he was required to do after each call, and then wish the night shift a nice shift before leaving with everyone else. He would then make brief conversations with his coworkers before getting into his car and driving home, reflecting on a couple of the calls he had made along the way.

However, tonight was different; he didn't want to focus on work right now. A headache had begun to build behind his eyelids, and it was boring into his brain. But he wasn't planning on going to bed when he got home. Instead, he just wanted to go home, order as much takeaway as he could afford, and eat till he was full or sick. Then maybe he would open a few of the bottles he had lying around, including the nice bottle of rum he received from Buck for his birthday, and drink till he passed out or puked.

On his birthday, he was completely surprised when he answered the door to a deliveryman. He didn't remember ordering anything, so he guessed it had come from a family member or friend. The delivery driver was nice enough, handed over the package, smiled and left him standing in his doorway with the brown box. Without much thought, he carried the package into his apartment and settled himself onto the couch. But when he opened the box, he was astounded by what he found inside. Inside was a really beautiful bottle of rum in a collector's tin, which he could never afford without going into debt. He had to close his jaw as he simply held the bottle, unable to comprehend what he was holding. It was his favourite rum. The company had released a limited-edition bottle to celebrate the business's birthday and had only made a select number. He noticed it online and wished to get it, until he saw the price. It was far beyond his price range, and yet he was now holding it. He could not believe it. Then he noticed a small birthday card inside the box.

He gently placed the bottle and tin on his coffee table, as if they were going to break if he wasn't careful. and reached for the card. It was a little birthday card showing a beagle wearing a birthday hat. He chuckled at the image before opening it to see who had sent him such an incredible present. As he read the note inside, he felt his eyes expand in shock.

The note inside read: Happy birthday, Josh. From Buck. P.S. This is a gift for putting up with my sister. Sorry about her.

Josh couldn't help but laugh at the message, but he also understood it. Josh couldn't believe Maddie and Buck were related. Maddie was self-centred, thinking she was perfect and refused to accept responsibility for her own actions, instead blaming others for them. And Buck was courteous, helpful, and honest. They were opposites in every way.

Looking over Buck's message in the card, then at the gift on the coffee table. He couldn't believe Buck went out of his way to get him something for his birthday. And such a costly gift at that. No one else had cared to get him such a personal gift; sure, members of his family had given him some things he liked, but nothing like this. Buck seemed to know him better than anyone. Which surprised him even more because he didn't think they were really close friends.

He only found out that Buck referred to him as a friend when he rescued him in a bar one night. He had tried to enjoy his weekend off, but a guy refused to leave him alone. He ignored the signal that he wasn't interested, and he was beginning to feel uncomfortable. That was, until Buck emerged out of nowhere and told the man to back off from his friend. Buck's tone had even frightened him; he had never heard Buck's voice so icy and harsh before. But it worked; the guy had practically bolted away from them. Seconds after the guy had run for the hills, Buck turned back to him, wearing his normal smile and offered to buy him a drink.

Buck was an all-around amazing guy who cared so much about others that he would stand up to them without hesitation. However, he was perplexed as to how Buck had afforded such a pricey bottle. He had texted Buck to thank him for his birthday present. He had wanted to thank him in person, but he wasn't sure if it was a good idea to thank him publicly and talk about the gift given and how much he had spent on him. They talked for nearly an hour, messaging back and forth about the present, to which Buck replied that he had a friend find it for him and told him that he had not spent too much money on it as he managed to get it second-hand at a much lower cost. Josh, on the other hand, did not believe it, but he did not press the issue.

They had become closer over that hour; Buck was a funny guy, and it came out they had a few things in common, which surprised both of them. Buck was also interested in his prior job as a stenographer and what he did in his spare time. They had arranged to meet a few times at the club where they enjoyed spending time together, and Buck had sometimes served as his wingman. He had three pretty good dates with guys thanks to him. One of these had resulted in his making a new friendship, but not in a romantic one. 

At first, he had to acknowledge that Buck was a beautiful man. During their last club outing before being caught up in the bombing, he thought he saw Buck flirting with a guy while going to the bathroom. He'd always been told Buck was straight, and Maddie had practically complained to everyone in the office about how his brother had never been good with ladies and that he plainly needed help finding the proper woman for him. As if she had any say in who he dated.

However, after the explosion and subsequent lawsuit, Buck stopped replying to him as frequently. All the while, he had to put up with Maddie complaining in the break room about how her brother wouldn't listen to her and how he clearly needed someone to watch over him, before asking for one or two of their colleagues with big hearts to cover her shifts so she could go home and care for her injured brother. He had to leave the room because he couldn't believe what she was saying about the man who had been so nice to him.

Now, sitting in Sue's office, he wished he had done more to defend his friend. Perhaps he could have stopped this from happening. He played with the pen that remained in his hand after concluding his report. A report that he was more than happy to write.

Wow, he never thought he'd say that.

He had always hated completing handwritten reports or witnessing statements, preferring to type them out, but for this one, he was happy to work with a pen. He looked across at Sue's desk, where the report he had just completed sat with his signature on the bottom of it. He couldn't believe what had happened; he wished he hadn't dragged himself out of bed this morning. He thought that there were measures in place to prevent things like this from happening, but the witch was something else. Nothing could stop her when she set her mind on something. She had been a nightmare from the very beginning. Josh leant back in his chair and shook her head. Why on God's green earth would he try to befriend her? Others had made fun of her, calling her a witch and how she thought she was superior to everyone.

Josh had always believed that he had better instincts around people; even as a child, he had a good sense of who he met and knew whether he should avoid them or befriend them. And he had always trusted his instincts about people, except for one time, which is how he found himself in this situation.

When he was ten years old, he had just relocated with his parents since his father had taken a new job in a different city, and he was terrified of making friends with outsiders. However, within a few days in his new home, he had become friends with three of his neighbours. They were his age and friendly to him. Thankfully, they all went his new school, so he'd at least know someone when he started and would be in some of his classes as well. But on his first day, his new friends had introduced him to their other friends, all of whom were friendly enough except for one. He was a little older than the others, and on the surface, he appeared nice, but something in his gut told him not to turn his back on this kid.

And he had been right: the boy battled with authority and anger. When things didn't go his way, he'd raise his voice and usually end the arguments with his fists. He had heard some of the teachers bring his parents into school more than once after he had hit another student or a teacher, but they had just dismissed it as an innocent mistake.

Everyone could tell that if nothing changed, someone would be seriously hurt one day, and they were right. Not one year later, the same child was taken into custody for assault after starting a fight with another boy just outside the school grounds who seemed to look at him funny. He had carelessly done this in front of a passing police cruiser, which dragged him away from the other child, who was bloodied and unconscious on the floor. Fortunately, the other kid was OK after a week in the hospital, but the bully's parents could do little to protect him from the consequences of his actions. Due to his previous actions, the judge sentenced him to juvie until he reached the age of 18. Later, he heard from one of his old school friends that he kept in touch with that the kid was still in trouble with the law and had been imprisoned for severe assaults and DUI's. Clearly, he never learnt his lesson.

But Josh had always trusted his instincts. And yet, when he first met Maddie and discovered she was Buck's sister, he opted to ignore that tiny nagging voice at the back of his mind in favour of Buck. However, Maddie was not Buck. She would only help someone if she could benefit from it. She covered Kelly's shift once since she had heard that there was a management procession going on, and the bosses were walking around to see if anyone caught their attention. Kelly had been in the running because she had been there the longest after Sue, and Maddie had offered to take her shift that day so she could show off. Or she would only stay late until the next shift arrived if they brought her coffee while they were running late, but not if the positions were reversed.

If he had given the topic more thought, Maddie hadn't made a single friend since starting at 9-1-1. Nobody liked her; instead, they tolerated her. Josh had heard rumours in the lunchroom and corridor about Maddie's nasty and unpleasant behaviour. Even though she was the newest hire, she believed that everyone should go to her for counsel and regard her as superior just because she had been a nurse before coming to LA. Nevertheless, she believed she knew best.

Josh sighed again and stood up from his chair, then began pacing in Susan's office. How many times had he witnessed Sue drag Maddie into her office following another complaint against her? Most of them, according to what he had heard, were about her believing she was superior to people. Sue had tried to explain to her that she was not superior to anyone and that there was a hierarchy at the 911 centre that she needed to respect. However, that evidently never worked because, based on what he had heard, primarily from office gossip and Sue's complaints, Sue was escalating Maddie's actions. Josh had noted that Maddie had no respect for Sue; she didn’t see her as her superior, which she was. And didn't mind breaking the rules right in front of her.

He looked down at his statement on Sue's desk and moaned; why did it have to be him? Why was he the one who walked into the report-writing office whenever they had a bad call so that all the information could be recorded while it was still fresh? It was also used to trace numbers from calls, allowing other call handlers to ensure that other emergency calls were not missed because of the incident.

He went in there to write down his notes from a vehicle pursuit call he had taken, which concluded with the suspect's car going into a park and colliding with a tree. Fortunately, no one had been injured, but he still needed to type up the report, document all the calls they had received about the chase and organise them in chronological order for the police. He volunteered to do it since he believed it would be a great way to close his shift.

Instead of finding the room vacant, he walked in on Maddie, who wasn't supposed to be there since she was currently suspended, working swiftly on one of the computers like she belonged there. Before he could ask her what the hell she was doing, he noticed she still had her ID on the desk, which should have been turned in to Sue when she was suspended. Fortunately, she had not turned the screen away from the door, evidently believing that no one would catch her or if they did, they wouldn't challenge her. The screen displayed what appeared to be a mobile number search, which they frequently used when attempting to locate a caller. Something that could only be done in specific circumstances, not just because they could.

He stayed in the doorway for about three minutes before speaking; plainly, Maddie didn't think she'd be caught or didn't care. When he eventually broke the silence, he asked Maddie, "What the hell are you doing?"

She shouldn't have been allowed in the building, especially while suspended. He watched in disbelief as she rolled her eyes at him and tried to brush him off, claiming that she had clearance to finish a necessary report, but he knew it was a lie. But she was plainly too foolish to even try to hide her screen, as he took a step closer and saw the number she was attempting to trace. The world seemed to go still. He recognised the number and had it saved on his phone after running into him at the club. Buck's number. He messaged it several times, asking whether he was okay after learning that he had left LA from Kyle, another friend he owed to Buck, as he had been the one to introduce them. Hell, after meeting Buck, he had more friends than ever before.

Maddie was using their 911 system to try and track down her brother, who he knew clearly didn’t want to speak to her. Hell, he had left LA altogether to get away from her. Something he kind of wished he could do right about now, as he knew that his headache was going to get worse. He had heard everything about what had happened at Buck's old apartment, not from office gossip, but from Kyle and his new (hot) boyfriend Tommy, who was a perfect fit for Kyle.

They talked about everything over at least three bottles of wine and junk food, and Josh couldn't believe Maddie's entitlement. How she believed she could control her fully grown adult brother. Hearing Kyle go over everything, it was evident that he was still spooked by the entire experience, which he didn't blame him for; he had heard Maddie kick off before, and she sounded so insane that even he would be scared. But what startled him the most was how she attacked two police officers because she believed that everyone should submit to her.

However, as he watched Maddie attempt to finish her task, he knew better than to try to stop her. He didn't want to get hurt.  But what scared him the most was Maddie's mumbled words about what she planned to do once she found her brother. He was positive she had no idea she was saying them aloud, but this simply added to his fear. She kept saying how much better her life would be when he was finally back under her control, how she would make sure he paid for all that happened to her because of him leaving, and how she would make sure he understood that this little prank would come back to haunt him.

He took out his phone but still checked to make sure Maddie hadn't seen him. He texted Malcolm, one of the security guards with whom he was friends and told him that he needed him and another guard to come and escort out someone who shouldn't be there. He then updated Sue of what was going on. He didn't want to make a scene because it would disrupt other people's work, but he had a sense that when security arrived to force Maddie out, she would make one.

Fortunately, he didn't have to wait long until Malcolm and two other security guards showed up, but Maddie's search came to an abrupt halt when her login account was cut out and she was kicked off the computer. Someone had clearly just deleted her account. And she screamed so loudly that Josh had to check to see if his ears were bleeding. Within minutes, the room had been packed with security, Sue, and a lawyer he had seen around the building. Josh found himself pushed against the wall, wishing he had left the room before everyone else arrived. Maddie was having a complete meltdown now. She kept yelling that she was merely trying to find her immature brother because no one else was, and that she had every right to be here. Missing out on how she was suspended for assaulting two police officers, and tried to seize her brother's property and declare him insane so she could control his financial affairs.

It took ten minutes and the threat of police action for Maddie to calm down and leave with security, only after she handed over her ID card and was warned that if she returned, they would obtain a court order barring her from entering until she was brought in for her hearing, which had been scheduled for one week. However, Josh had a sense that he knew the conclusion of the investigation. Maddie had broken every rule and moral that they had, which is why they suspended her while they investigated all the reports filed against her.

Sue had called him to her office with the lawyer and asked him to make a report detailing what had happened when he discovered Maddie in the office, as well as whether she had said anything.  As he was writing his statement, he overheard the lawyer telling Sue that he required her to pull every report Maddie had filed for review so that they could cover all bases. Sue enquired as to why Maddie's ID card and account had not been frozen during her suspension, as they both left.  Something more that didn't make sense, but people weren't suspended all the time, so it could have been overlooked.

Josh was pacing Sue's office, attempting to calm himself down, when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He knew it couldn't be Maddie as he had blocked her number right away when he had gotten Kyle's text about what happened. He had naively given her his phone number when he first tried to make friends with her, but once he found out what she did, he never wanted to speak to her again. Kyle had had a difficult time coming out to people, and hearing Maddie throw those slurs at him must have hurt him deeply and made blocking her the easiest thing he had ever done.

Josh pulled his phone out of his pocket and sat back down with a sigh, looking at the screen. However, what was on it caused him to smile just a little. It was a text from Riccardo, a chef who worked in an incredible Italian restaurant close to his place. Riccardo was everything he had dreamed of: he was hot, Italian-born, with a wonderful accent, a fit body, all wrapped up with a secret nerdy side. They'd been seeing each other for a few weeks, but he hadn't worked up the guts to ask him to be his boyfriend yet, despite his strong desire to.

He met Riccardo through Buck when he ran into them at a gay bar that was far enough away from 911 headquarters and the 118, as he hoped that he wouldn't run into anyone he knew. He had only just walked in and was on his way to the bar to get a drink when he spotted Buck laughing with a guy who looked like he had stepped out of an Italian magazine. He tried to back away or find another route to the bar without Buck noticing him, but luck was not on his side. Buck spotted him before he could turn away, calling him over and smiling enthusiastically as if he was glad to see him.

Buck quickly introduced Josh and Riccardo, telling them that they had so much in common that they should get to know each other before leaving them without another word. Josh had wanted to kill Buck for doing that, and he must have looked completely lost in front of this attractive guy who clearly felt sorry for him as they spent most of the night talking. But it had turned out to be the best night of his life. Spending the night with Riccardo, talking and joking about anything and everything, was like second nature to him and not like he was talking to someone he had just met.

He didn't need to pretend to be anything other than himself. And it turns out Buck was right: they had a lot in common. Riccardo, like Buck, was quite easy to be around. He enjoyed making real Italian food that had been passed down through his family, hiking and being outside, but he also enjoyed sitting back and watching television or reading.

They had gone on a few dates so far, and he had enjoyed every one of them. Riccardo had told him about growing up in Italy, about joining the Italian Navy after dropping out of school to aid his grandmother with her failing health, about why he had come to the United States, and about working under some of the world's most famous chefs on the way to Los Angeles. Riccardo was relatively an open book, except for clarifying how he and Buck became friends. When he questioned Riccardo over dinner, where he first met Buck, the other man was hesitant to respond. All Riccardo would say was that Buck was a great friend.

Josh suspected Riccardo had met Buck in a hospital as Riccardo worked as a nutritionist in his spare time at the hospital, assisting patients with their recovery, and at the VA centre, helping veterans with their wounds by working with them in taking control of part of their lives through cooking and food as part of their therapy. But when he asked him about knowing Buck from the hospital, he never confirmed it. However, he sensed that Riccardo did not want to talk about it, so he stopped asking.

Instead, they talked about other things, and as time passed, Josh couldn't believe that someone like Riccardo wanted and chose to spend time with him. Riccardo was out of his league; he was much more attractive, had a lot of promise, and could choose someone much better for him. He'd seen it; people flirted with him in front of him all the time, and he still chose to be with him.

Josh looked down at his phone and smiled a little more as he remembered their last date, which started with an amazing Italian meal prepared by Riccardo at his apartment, followed by a cuddle on the couch while watching a TV show that they had discovered one night and became infatuated with. It was also his first time sleeping over at his apartment. And, if he was honest with himself, it had been the best night's sleep he'd had in ages. They were taking their relationship slowly since Riccardo had told him that he had moved too quickly in a previous relationship and ended up being hurt as a result. He didn't mind going at their own pace; after all, he enjoyed it. It made everything feel more real.

The text simply asked him what time he got off work, as he had been given the afternoon off since the restaurant had enough staff, and he had no sessions at the hospital or VA centre. He wanted to know if he wanted to meet him for dinner at his place or if he could come over to his place and cook for him. He quickly added that he had found a new panna cotta recipe using his favourite exotic fruits, which he wanted to try and make for himself if he was up for it.

Josh sighed and leaned back in his chair; he truly wanted to say yes. He would love for Riccardo to come over and relax with him, but he wasn't sure he wanted to be around people just now. Although he wished for Riccardo to be with him right now. He always had a calming presence around him, and perhaps it was exactly what he needed right now.

Without thinking about it, he sent him a message asking if he could meet him at his apartment. He didn't want to be alone, and what concerned him the most was that Maddie knew his address; she had mentioned once how cheap the neighbourhood was, which he had rolled his eyes at as he knew Buck had helped pay her rent for the first several months after she moved out of his place. Josh couldn't shake Maddie's stare as she left; would she show up at his building, wanting to know why he had reported her? He couldn't deal with her again today, especially with his headache.

Riccardo responded swiftly, telling him that he would turn the latch on his front door so he could let himself in and asked if he was okay. That made him chuckle a little; he hadn't said much in his text, but Riccardo sensed something was wrong.  He responded promptly, telling him that he would explain when he saw him. He only hoped Riccardo didn't think too badly of him for dumping all this on him.

His phone vibrated again in his hands, but before he could check to see what Riccardo had said in response, Sue's office door opened, and she walked inside with a sweet smile. She picked up his report and sighed before settling down at her desk. Josh could see her worry and annoyance in her expression, but Sue was not the type to overtly complain about someone. She'd take everything in stride like usual. They sat quietly for a few minutes until Sue instructed him to go home. That he would be taken off shift for the next few days, and possibly longer if he wanted to. But he declined that offer for the time being, wanting to return to work after his few days off. Perhaps he could relax a little more, knowing that Maddie would be gone permanently soon.

He waved farewell to Sue, collected his belongings from his locker, and headed to his car. His once-safe work environment now felt odd. It was as if seeing Maddie make such statements about her own brother triggered alarm bells in his head. He knew she liked to control; he had seen it when she was with their coworkers and so on, but he was shocked to witness how she went insane because Buck had chosen to set some much-needed firm boundaries with her.

She clearly needed mental help, and although part of him hoped she would accept it, another part of him knew she wouldn't. Maddie clearly believed she was right and everyone else was wrong, and that wasn't going to change. Josh could only hope Buck stayed strong and stayed away from Maddie as long as possible, as he had no idea what she would do if she found Buck in her current mental state. He could only hope Buck wasn't too upset by his sister's behaviour or comments. He deserved to be happy. Happy and free. Right now, Buck was free to make his own decisions and choices without worrying about what others though,t and he was able to find the happiness he so clearly desired.

Chapter Text

Steve couldn't help but feel his wrath rising inside his gut as he watched the clock on Bomber's wall tick closer to 7:00 p.m. Sure, he still had an hour until he had to confront the bastard, and he kind of wished he hadn't handed over his gun to Bomber before his brother revealed his amazing news. As he watched the second hand tick away, he became increasingly agitated. He had tried to remain seated on Bomber's comfortable couch for as long as possible after Bomber told him that he was going out with Caleb to a high-end restaurant that Caleb had picked.

He eventually lost his patience. He had to move. Bomber had gone upstairs to get ready for his date, but he was unable to be happy for his brother. Instead, he began to pace around Bomber's living room, attempting to suppress his rage. Fortunately, his brother's living room was constructed such that he could run circles without hitting anything. As he paced, he noticed details that Bomber had done to his home to make it feel more like home. That metal horse he had seen in the storage unit, the Hawaiian paintings he had purchased at the market, and the bronze dagger he had obtained from a collector that had been traced back to Ancient Egypt. However, the main difference in Bomber's home was the fish tank.

Bomber and Rick had already done a lot to make the tank seem alive. It was now full of saltwater, with new filtration using live rock and sand to begin and construct Bomber's ecosystem. According to Bomber, Rick devised a method to ensure that his tank could operate totally without assistance, and they were currently in what Rick referred to as the nitrogen cycle, in which the tank was operating to keep the environment viable for the corals and fish. The live rock had been designed to look like it had been plucked from the ocean. They had built tunnels, caves, and shelves so that the corals could better attach to the rock and for the fish to hide if they wanted to. Steve smiled as he saw what his brother had designed. He'd seen the drawings and schematics for the entire tank. Bomber was sculpting a piece of the Hawaiian Ocean within his home. Bomber intended to include corals and a wide range of fish found in Hawaii's waters. Rick had based the design on a real-life reef that Steve had visited personally, and he was very proud of his brother for wanting it in his home.

As Steve began to pace, he saw that he had left his half-empty beer bottle on the table and, without thinking, grabbed it up and sipped the cool liquid. Bomber's bottle remained untouched where he had left it.  He wanted nothing more than to drink the entire thing, but knew better. Drinking would only fuel his rage. He knew that if he drank too much and then came face to face with Caleb, he would lose control. He needed to concentrate on anything else; otherwise, he was going to explode.

As he paced, Steve kind of wished that he had someone to talk to as he waited for Caleb to arrive. And he couldn't talk to Bomber as he didn't want to make him feel bad or possibly cause him to revert to his self-hatred. He wanted to shield Bomber from it, and he was never going to let Bomber believe something was his fault again. However, this meant that he couldn't discuss subjects like Caleb openly around Bomber. He only felt comfortable erupting in front of Danno as he knew his partner would understand his feelings and be able to rein him in so he didn't do something stupid. Danny would listen to him, ask him all the appropriate questions to get him thinking, and then give him his fatherly advice, which would help him in a variety of ways. But Danny couldn't help tonight. He had other obligations to think about.

Danny was currently on a father-daughter dinner tonight as he had Grace for the next couple of days since they didn't have any big cases and were just doing paperwork in their offices unless they had some of their own cases, which he knew Kono had since she was working with a detective in HPD. And Chin was collaborating with the HPD drug unit to locate a new supplier who had begun to sell on the island. At the same time, he was doing risk assessments for Navy bases and HPD. Danny had only just closed one of his own cases, an old case, so he deserved some time off.

Steve had stopped by at Bombers so that he could work on his truck after leaving the office, as well as to drop off a few things he had picked up at the store while out for lunch. They had only just finished the truck when Bomber had dragged him into the living room, given him a beer, and dropped the bombshell that he was going on a date with Caleb that night.

He wanted to be happy for his brother for finally letting himself be happy, but he couldn't know Bomber was going out with Caleb. He had no idea why Bomber was talking to that man. Caleb had pretty much destroyed Bomber's trust. He'd broken him. A man who had left him in the worst way conceivable, breaking not only Bomber's heart but also his spirit. He saw Bomber's haunted expression shortly after Caleb had left.

Thinking about Caleb's mission, he understood why he wanted to bring the cartel to justice. But how he went about it was wrong. Caleb had just left without saying anything or even giving Bomber time so that he could prepare for his absence. Of course, he saw the necessity to rectify a wrong. When he learnt who had ordered the murder of his father, he took it upon himself to ensure that everyone involved suffered for it. But he had not abandoned his partner with whom he was going to spend the rest of his life, and left them to deal with the aftermath. No, in retrospect, if he had someone like Bomber, whom he loved, he would not have abandoned him like that. He would have told him.

But then again, he didn't really know what he would have done in that scenario, and Steve could almost hear Bomber's voice inside his head telling him that he couldn't entirely condemn someone for their behaviour since they couldn't possibly comprehend how they would handle it if they were in their position. His younger brother always said nice comments like that, which made him feel like he couldn't be upset with Caleb for much longer. But he was determined to hang onto his anger until Caleb had done enough to make up for everything he had done.

As he continued to pace Bomber's living room, he noticed a shelving unit he had helped build at the hallway entrance. He spotted a dozen frames that appeared to be new on the shelves among Bomber's collectables and books. Almost without thinking, Steve began to approach them. His gaze examined each photograph, wondering which ones Bomber had saved and decided to display in his home.

As his gaze moved over each photo frame, he felt a broad smile go across his face as he saw how Bomber had brought his family and some of the most important moments of his life into his new home. He remembered Bomber sending him pictures of his apartment in Los Angeles; it was great, yet not really Bomber. However, as he examined the photos more attentively, he found that the apartment, despite being furnished by Bomber, bore no resemblance to Bomber's personality.

There were no photographs of his adventures or service. Hell, there was no sign that Bomber had even served in the Navy. He was aware that Bomber had never told anyone that he had served, but it was odd that Bomber had left no trace of the brotherhood in which he had previously served. But now, he's in his new house, Bomber was boasting about his family and the adventures he'd experienced in subtle ways, which was so Bomber.

There were several pictures of Bomber standing alone in various settings. He had taken a handful and sent them to him to prove that he was still alive and hadn't broken his promise. Bomber riding a beast of a horse, wearing that extremely marvellous cowboy hat, and grinning from ear to ear. Bomber had been working at the ranch for months, and he seemed to enjoy it based on what he wrote to him. When he received a third letter, complete with images of the ranch, he thought Bomber had found his new home. He additionally sent him his own black, stylish cowboy hat, which sat in a beautiful box in his study. But he had been wrong. The next thing he knew, he suddenly received a new letter from Bomber from a new place with no explanation for what had happened at the ranch.

Unfortunately, that had become a constant pattern in his younger brother's life for months and years. Whenever he thought Bomber was finally settling down, something would happen, and he would simply move on with no explanation or notice. He had only tried to write back to Bomber once, but the letter had been returned to sender since the place Bomber was residing did not have a forwarding address for him. It pained his heart that he couldn't tell Bomber how proud he was of him; all he could hope was that his brother knew.

Steve then moved on to the next photo, which was on the shelf below, next to an old Japanese glass fishing float adorned with fishing rope and a silver salmon charm. Bomber had told him that it was a present from an elderly fisherman whom he helped during the King Salmon Season after his usual helper became ill while in Alaska. The photo showed Bomber with three guys he had befriended while there. Bomber had written about them in his letter; all three of them were vets, two former Rangers and one former Army pilot. In the photo, Bomber was kneeling with a weird grin on his face, holding a 35kg King Salmon he had caught. He appeared happy in his waterproof clothing, but there was something off about Bomber's eyes. He knew Bomber was still grieving from Caleb leaving him, but he was attempting to move forward.

Bomber included in his letter all the trekking and camping he had done with his new companions. Along with the salmon fishing images, Bomber had sent him several photos of local animals, including what appeared to be a close-up of a grizzly bear that was too close to the lens for comfort. He shook his head; evidently, Bomber had ventured too close to shoot a bloody (but gorgeous) photo of a bear and her two cubs.

There were four more photographs of Bomber in other locations, each with its own tale, but it was the photos that lay centre stage in the middle of the shelving unit that showed the real reason he moved there. Steve felt himself choking up as he picked up the frame. The photograph in his hand was the largest print on the shelf, and he was thrilled to see it up there. The photograph showed their team in happier days, when they were all together.

They were sitting in an English pub known as the Hag's Head. The dark oak panelling and fireplace are visible in the photograph. They were all sitting together on mismatched seats and benches. The pub was the base's local, and almost everyone on the British base recommended it for its wonderful food, excellent beverages, and pleasant environment. If Steve was honest with himself, he had little recollection of what happened after the shot was taken. Mostly because, for some strange reason, they had agreed to a drinking competition with a group of SBS soldiers they were training with. Steve moaned as he remembered how ill he had been days after that night.

They had all agreed that Brits were built differently when it came to booze, and they had made a new rule that they would never enter a drinking challenge with a Brit again. And he wasn't the only one who'd suffered that night. They were all sick, and Steve had to convince Joe to cancel one or two training exercises in order for them to recover. Everyone expects Bomber. One of the SBS men joked that Bomber must have some English blood in him, and he couldn't help but agree. Bomber's hangover only lasted a day before he was back to normal. Lucky bastard. Bomber had always been the only one among them who could drink as much as he wanted without affecting his personality or behaviour. The kid was a bloody puppy at the best of times, and based on what he remembered from that night, he was pretty much the same while drunk.

He returned the photo to its proper place and smiled as he looked at the other photos that encircled it. All photographs are of their team. Their seal family. Photos of him with Bomber, Bomber and Sam, and some goofy photos of his brothers goofing around. One was of Bomber and Callum under one of the Humvees, moaning about a strange noise. Steve had taken the snapshot of the two men joking about how much trouble they would be in when the mechanics finished their patch-up job. Another of Alec and Bomber racing each other on bikes they had stolen from somewhere. Another shows himself and Bomber both asleep, resting their heads together after a difficult mission. There were additional small keepsakes scattered around those photos that made Steve's heart swell even more. Alec had made a miniature robot for Bomber that resembled a small dog and served as a pencil sharpener, which Bomber refused to use since he loved the precise parts Alec had used to construct it. Bomber had also put up all the little duplicates of his cars that Callum had gotten him. He had started after Bomber came in, bouncing off the walls after he had brought his first car himself. Other gifts from their brothers were dotted around the photos as well as throughout the house. Bomber had kept them all.

He was familiar with Bomber's childhood and was aware that his parents had never loved or cared for him throughout his life. It was why he had privately promised himself that he would make sure Bomber experienced the family love that so many people took for granted. And seeing the shelves filled with their gifts and memories proved that Bomber had experienced those emotions. He treasured the tiny clay bowl that Sam's daughter had made for him. The finger-painting Callum's son had made for him as a thank you for saving Callum's life while he was wounded. This was Bomber's family, and unlike LA, he wasn't hesitant to express how much they all meant to him.

But as his gaze fixed on each gift, Steve felt himself freeze. A photograph of Bomber and Freddie. It was taken the day Steve invited Bomber to join their team. Freddie had commented that Bomber was clearly their secret child after only having the kid on the team for a day because he possessed Freddie's placid demeanour and Steve's wacky mind. A leather bracelet with a silver Navy Seal trident placed in the centre hung from the photo frame with the inscription 'lest we forget' carved into the wood. It was one of the last gifts Freddie had given Bomber before leaving the team.

Steve couldn't help but run his finger over the trident, recalling Freddie's calm comments when they almost lost Bomber in an ambush. He had gone off in front of Freddie about Bomber putting himself in danger to save both of them. Sure, he was grateful to be alive and would do what Bomber did in a heartbeat for any of his brothers, but he was the one who was supposed to defend his guys. Freddie had sat him down and reminded him that their kid was one of the good ones, someone who had become a light for all of them. But they had to remember that Bomber would always try and protect them, and they needed to make certain that they could allow him to defend them in the same way that they expected them to do for any brother.

But they also had to remind him to take care of himself whenever possible. Freddie had been anxious that Bomber would forget about his own needs, and he had been right. Bomber possesses a horrible habit of forgetting about himself. He would rather help others than care for himself. It was why he was surprised when Bomber bought this house. He hadn't brought it for anyone other than himself (despite the fact that it had many characteristics that fit some of his brothers' and friends' requirements), but because he loved it and wanted it for himself.

Steve turned around where he stood to get a better look at his brother's house and noticed small hints of Bomber's personality in every place. He had constructed this space specifically for himself. The mismatched pottery that lined a shelf in the dining room, which he had accumulated over his travels. An old bronze Navy Ship Bell stood on a table in a display case to safeguard it, which Bomber had discovered in an auction house and was tied to an old British Navy ship that had been decommissioned, but he couldn't recall what the ship had been called. But he knew it was old and in good condition, and Bomber had had it carefully polished, so the metal reflected the light beautifully. He understood why Bomber had placed it near the window.

The house wasn't cluttered or overly tidy. If he was honest with himself, the house appeared to be well-lived in. And this just reinforced his belief that Bomber felt at ease here. And this wasn't just another stop on his travel; Bomber wanted to establish some strong roots here.  If he were honest with himself, he was being selfish. Sure, he wanted his brother to be happy, but he also wanted him close. He'd bought a house, which tied him to the island and to him. Maybe it was selfish of him, but he didn't care.

A knock at the door jolted Steve out of his thoughts. But as he heard the knock, his entire body tightened, as if the knock had sent a shockwave through him. Like a bomb had gone off nearby, but far enough away for him to stay on his feet. Despite the fact that his firearm was locked in Bomber's little safe near the front door, his hand moved to his hip instinctively. Bomber had requested a no-gun policy in his home the moment he had gotten the keys. Steve didn't understand that at first, but then he remembered that, even though he could outshoot the majority of them, Bomber never enjoyed picking up a gun. And thus he had fulfilled the request. However, Bomber allowed him to keep his weapon if he was simply popping in and not staying. However, if he was staying with him or coming over for a while, he asked if he could lock it up in one of his safes. And because it was him, he was delighted to do so.

But it was times like these that he wished he had kept his weapon with him. He'd do anything to protect his brother. However, he remembered Bomber's Gate. Only Bomber could provide someone entry to the gates, or if their vehicle was registered in the system, which had more security than the White House, if Nick had anything to do with it. That indicated whoever was knocking was either allowed into the house or Bomber had let them in from his bedroom.

With caution, Steve approached the front door and examined the small screen Bomber had for the porch cameras. And who he saw on the screen caused his blood to boil again. However, he remained silent. This was not his life, and he would never attempt to control Bomber or anyone else in his life. He was not going to become Bomber's sister or former captain.  He'd rather kill himself than hurt his little brother the way they did.

On the screen stood Caleb, and he looked pretty much for a dead man walking. He did appear older, and even via the camera, Steve could tell something was haunting in the other man's eyes that he had only seen in hardened soldiers who had witnessed too much. Of course, going undercover in the cartel was not straightforward: after all, not many people can claim to have brought down an entire cartel while staying alive. Of course, after Bomber had told him and Sam everything and raged at Joe for about an hour, he had asked Joe if Caleb was safe to be around. He was a marked man after all, and he knew that no criminal outfit would want an undercover agent strolling around alive and free after bringing them all down. And he wasn't about to allow the man near Bomber if it meant putting his younger brother at risk. He was aware that Caleb was once one of his guys; he had chosen him for the team, but he had always favoured Bomber over all of them.

Steve took a deep breath to settle his emotions before opening the door and remaining silent as he faced the man he had once sworn to murder. However, as Steve opened the door, seeing Caleb's shocked and terrified expression as their eyes met was worth the brief chuckle that slipped his lips. How in the world did this man lie to hardened cartel members when he couldn't control his emotions?

"How the hell did you manage to infiltrate a cartel when you can't control your face?" Steve chuckled, shaking his head.

Caleb stood there wearing a tailored navy-blue jacket over a crisp white good shirt with an open top, slim-fit beige chinos, black leather dress shoes, and a black leather belt. He looked good, but his hair was a little longer than he remembered, and he had a small beard that was more than stubble but not long enough to be considered a full beard. However, Steve noticed a faint scar running along one collarbone that he could see with his shirt partially open. It appeared to be a surgical scar, and based on what he remembered from Caleb's medical records, he had never had that scar, so that meant it was new. Another thing he saw was the man's extensive tattoo collection. Sure, the man loved his tattoos and would talk about wanting more, but this seemed a little extreme. The one thing he did notice about some of the tattoos appeared to be cover-ups or, based on the faint lines on Caleb's hands and neck, had been removed. Steve knew that the cartel loved to mark their members, so he could only guess that the tattoos that Caleb had gotten removed were ones that could link him back to them. He was grateful for that because if he wanted to see Bomber again with that ink still on his body, he would personally drag him to the nearest tattoo shop and force him to get it all covered or erased before he could be seen in public with Bomber.

"Steve…" Caleb started to stutter, and Steve could physically see him shaking with fear and maybe a little terror, which he was very delighted with.

"He's just getting ready," Steve remarked with a grin, taking a step back. He made enough room in the entryway to invite Caleb in while also allowing him to look for any potential dangers. And he found himself chuckling as Caleb moved to enter the home, keeping a wide berth from Steve as if he was afraid he would attack him if he came too close. Steve couldn't blame him. He wanted to punch Caleb at least once to vent his frustration, but he held back. Bomber would not be happy if he did it.

As Caleb entered the house, Steve couldn't help but notice the car he had arrived in. Bomber had told him that Caleb had rented a car for his duration on the island. He was surprised to find a dark matter Ford Mustang sitting on Bomber's driveway. Caleb had great taste in vehicles, almost as good as Bomber's. However, Steve always said that Bomber knew where to find the best cars if anyone asked, and he always liked to get Bomber's opinion whenever he needed it. Hell, he even helped pick out his current truck with its beautiful colour.

He then suddenly realised that his pickup was parked inside Bomber's garage. He had brought it in there so they could do some maintenance on it because Bomber had already installed a lot of the necessary equipment, and his brother was more than willing to handle the fast work for him. It also explained why Caleb was so surprised to see him there, as he plainly assumed Bomber was alone. Steve had left his truck in there after they had finished, since he was spending the night in the upstairs bedroom. Bomber didn't want to leave his pickup on the drive in case it rained. Which seemed odd given the type of truck he owned, but he didn't want to argue with his brother, so he left it alone.

As Steve went to close the door, Steve took a quick note of his license plate and planned to ask a few friends in HPD to keep a look out for the car and his brother to ensure his safety. Hell, if he could, he'd ask Catherine for access to a satellite so he could track the car in real time, but he knew she wouldn't be able to do so without drawing attention.  HPD would have to do.

Steve carefully closed the door and followed Caleb into the hallway. At first, he just studied the man in front of him intently; he was clearly making him uncomfortable, which was a bonus, but he was trying to figure out what angel Caleb was up to with Bomber. He was not about to let the man hurt his little brother again.

"So, how long have you been in Hawaii?" Caleb enquired anxiously, evidently hoping to break the unpleasant stillness that surrounded them.

"A few years ago, I built a task force here that is top notch," Steve answered. Bomber had better hurry up and get ready, since he didn't know how long he could take all this small conversation.

"I heard." Caleb continued to glance about the house, perhaps unaware of what he had just spoken." Joe spoke highly of your team."

"So you've been in contact with Joe but never bothered to call the man whom you hurt the most," Steve said with a snarl.

"I always wanted to call him Steve, but I couldn't, and after so much time had passed and he looked happy, I didn't want to cause him any more pain, so I kept away. I thought it was best for him." Caleb explained.

Steve eyed Caleb carefully after that sentence; he could clearly hear the hurt that was evidently blended into Caleb's voice, telling him that Caleb hated himself for what he had done. However, his confusion stemmed from his lack of emotion. How much of the old Caleb was left in that shell of a body? How much was there for Bomber to love if that was his wish? Now Steve was even more worried.

However, thinking back to the conversation he had with Bomber after he had told them what had happened, it kind of made sense. Bomber had told him that he could see that Caleb hated himself for what he did and that he had only said what he did in order to protect him. But Steve hadn't been paying attention very much as he was certain that Bomber was only saying those things because he still loved Caleb. But now, maybe Bomber had been right. Maybe Caleb hated himself for what he did, and seeing the man now, it was clear to him that the man was disgusted with himself. Caleb plainly regretted his actions, but Steve still held him accountable. He had a lot to make up for, yet knowing that he had done wrong helped to alleviate his own guilt slightly.

Steve had always blamed himself for not noticing Caleb pulling away before it was too late. He had always believed that he would be able to stop Bomber from getting hurt, and when Caleb abruptly ended things and left, he had blamed himself for failing to recognise the warning signs. However, now that he knew the truth, he recognised that there had been no warning signs of the impending breakup, and there was nothing he could have done to prevent it.

Steve wished that Joe had come to him the moment one of his men was selected for this level of operation, or that he had warned him that it was happening, so he could be better prepared. However, he was aware that it would not have impacted the outcome. Caleb would still have left shattering Bomber's heart along the way; Bomber would have left them and cut off practically all contact except the occasional phone call or email. However, he couldn't help but ponder what would have happened if things had been different.

"Well, maybe you should stop thinking what's best for him and ask him himself." Steve snapped back. He had learnt that Bomber detested that when others mimicked that behaviour without first asking him what he wanted. It was what happened in Los Angeles that almost ended with him organising Bomber's funeral right now.

Caleb turned to face Steve completely this time, but Steve noticed that his eyes had shifted to a couple of Bomber's collectables that he had brought with him when they were together before returning to him. Caleb sighed and said, "I'm trying to make things up to him...And you and your team..." Caleb continued, but he didn’t finish that sentence.

Steve recognised where Caleb was going with this, and if he was honest with himself, he was kind of proud of the man for recognising that he needed to make amends to not only Bomber (the main person he had hurt), but also the team. Caleb had grown extremely close to Carl before leaving them, as they spent a lot of time together up in their nest while on overwatch. However, after Caleb had left, Steve had gone to Carl to see if he knew where Caleb had gone, only to discover that the man had similarly cut off contact with him as well, making him impossible to locate.

"You have a long way to go if you think I will ever trust you again with Bomber…" Steve began to speak, but then stopped himself. He would not become someone who told Bomber who he could see or spend time with. He'd never try to control his life. He never would become Bomber's sister or Captain. "…but I also know that he still cares for you." He finished but then took a menacing step forward. Just because he wouldn't stop Bomber from seeing Caleb didn't imply, he wasn't going to have a discreet conversation with him.

"But if you think for one second that I will allow you to hurt him again..." Steve raised his finger and pushed it into Caleb's chest, keeping his voice quiet so Bomber wouldn't hear him. "Bomber will always be too good for a man like you, and you better know I will be keeping a close eye on him. If I even have the slightest suspicion that you will harm him physically or emotionally, you better think of the quickest way to leave this island, because if I get to you first, you will be writing your own death certificate. Because I will not let you break him the second time." Steve was snarling by the end, but he didn't care.

Steve never broke eye contact with Caleb while speaking, wanting to ensure that the other man understood what would happen if he hurt Bomber again. He knew his brother still loved Caleb, no matter how much he hated him. It was obvious on his face whenever Caleb's name was spoken of. Steve was merely worried that if Caleb shattered Bomber's heart again, he might never recover. They were so close to losing him last time that another heartbreak would kill him. Despite all of the progress he had recently made, owing to Doctor Copeland and the love and attention he was receiving from his new Hawaiian family.

"Understood," Caleb murmured quietly, as if he didn't trust his own voice. Steve thought Caleb was probably too terrified to say anything to him. The other man always seemed a little afraid of him. Even when on the same team, he and Bomber were close, and everyone knew that. So when Caleb started dating Bomber, everyone told him that he was playing with fire.

However, before Steve could resume his shrove conversation, they both looked up as they heard someone move to the top of the stairs. They had nearly forgotten there was someone in the house because the other person had been so quiet. But Steve had noticed that Bomber's house had good insulation, which reduced noise from room to room. Normally, this would alarm him, but Steve had seen the security system that now secured every inch of Bomber's home, putting his mind at ease that Bomber would never be caught off guard as he had been.

Steve noticed Caleb's stunned face when he watched Bomber carefully descend the stairs, glancing nervously at them, as if he was scared about doing something wrong or entering at the wrong time. Clearly, his younger brother had been listening in on their conversation, as Bomber gave him a somewhat annoyed look, but it quickly evaporated, indicating that he was not unhappy with Steve.

However, as he turned slightly so he could see Caleb's reaction, he found himself smiling a little at the stunned expression as Bomber joined them. And he couldn't blame him for it; his younger brother looked amazing. Bomber was dressed in an olive-green button-up shirt that appeared to be tailored to his body, highlighting how well muscled he was, with the sleeves pushed up to reveal his forearms. He paired it with navy-blue formal trousers, a chestnut brown leather belt, and matching loafers. He was also wearing one of his many watches, but Steve couldn't tell which brand, and he was carrying a traditional Navy Blazer that matched the trousers. His brother was going to crush hearts, perhaps not his own this time.

"Did I interrupt something?" Bomber enquired as he approached the bottom of the stairs and began to unfold his blazer, carefully observing the two men.

"No, just telling Caleb here…" Steve said, resting a hand on Caleb's shoulder with perhaps a bit too much pressure. "…that he better look after you and get you home at a reasonable time," Steve added, giving Caleb a hard squeeze to convey that he meant what he said.

"I am not a teenager, Steven," Bomber replied, laughing as he put on his blazer. "I don't have a curfew."

Steve paid close attention to how Caleb acted around Bomber. He wasn't really convinced by the man and his lack of feeling. But then he remembered what Bomber told him. Bomber asked Caleb about a number of his sessions with Doctor Copeland, and according to what he had said about them, they had greatly benefited both. Doctor Copland eventually told Caleb that it would be better if he sought his own help because she was unable to handle them both due to the conflict of interest, but she had sent on a few names of people who had dealt with undercover police officers and agents. According to Bomber, Caleb was starting to see one of them.

This all suddenly made sense to Steve; Caleb had been deep cover for quite some time, and it showed. Caleb had always been good at expressing his emotions, but now they were tightly controlled. Only his face (at times) and eyes revealed his actual emotions. And that was difficult to break. However, he could tell that he was progressing. Caleb could show pain and anger after bringing up the fact that Bomber revealed all. But he hadn’t noticed any other emotion just yet, so Caleb had a long way to go.

Bomber additionally told him that they had talked about his near-fatal suicide attempts after he left and after the lawsuit he filed, which prompted him to reach out to Steve. And, based on what Bomber explained, Caleb reacted just as he had expected when Bomber originally told him. He grieved discreetly (as was customary for the old Caleb) and apologised repeatedly for what he had done. Following that breakdown, Doctor Copeland informed Caleb that he had a number of underlying issues that needed to be addressed if he wanted to be there for Bomber in the right manner.

Steve knew Caleb couldn't have walked away from that type of operation without some scars, and hearing what his actions had done to the guy he plainly still loved had shattered the dam that was keeping them apart. However, there was a long way to go. They both had a lot of challenges to work out for themselves (especially since Bomber had made so much progress) before they could consider restarting their relationship.

"We have an early start, Bomber, and I am not dealing with grumpy you," Steve replied, chuckling.

"Shut up," Bomber replied with a laugh, pressing down his collar.

Steve could tell Bomber was having difficulty looking at Caleb, but it wasn't because he was afraid of him. Instead, since the second Bomber had noticed Caleb, his face had become a brilliant shade of scarlet, and he was now attempting to hold it together, but the blush redness in his cheek told Steve that he was failing. Steve couldn't help shaking his head. It was as if they were going to prom, and he was the parent attempting to protect their child from doing anything stupid during their night out.

"Hi Caleb," Bomber replied finally, addressing the other man, who was plainly taken aback by his appearance.

"Hey, Ev, you look amazing," Caleb managed to say after a few minutes, as if he didn't believe his own words. Steve couldn't help but roll his eyes at that comment, but he kept his tongue shut, feeling like a third wheel in whatever was going on between the two men.

"Thanks," Buck murmured nervously, his cheeks turning a lovely crimson, before continuing, "so do you."

They all returned to silence for a brief period of time. "We better get going…" Caleb said, pulling out his phone as if he was checking something, but Steve recognised that he was simply checking the clock. "Our table is booked for 8:30 p.m.," Caleb explained.

Steve had no idea where Caleb was taking Bomber, as he didn't know what luxury restaurant they were going to, but he would know the moment Bomber got there. He and Bomber had decided that no matter what happened, they were going to share their locations, so they knew where each other was. It was securely encrypted, but after all had happened, they both wanted to make sure they knew where the other was. Their only expectation from the rule was that if they had to go dark, they would send a single message notifying each other. However, he had no intention of doing so, and he was confident that Bomber would not.

"Well, you kids have fun and you…" Steve stated before pointing again at Caleb, who almost flinched at times, making him feel a little bad, but only a little. "I want him home by 11 pm and not a minute late." Steve didn't want to come across as dictatorial, but he didn't want Bomber to think that he needed to spend a lot of time with him just to be polite.

"I will…" Caleb spoke hastily, and Bomber snorted and shook his head at him.

"Really, Steven? A curfew? What am I, twelve?" Buck was chuckling clearly not seeing Caleb's discomfort.

"Yes, you are when you wake up in a mood after not getting your beauty sleep." Steve shook his head and gave him the fatherly look he used to give Bomber when he pushed his luck with him. "And don't forget that we are going spear fishing with Chin and his uncle, so we cannot be late." Steve then added.

He had simply received a message from Chin informing him that his uncle was available the following day for them to go spear fishing if he still wanted to. Bomber had loved the concept.

"That's fantastic, what time do we have to be at the Marina?" Bomber enquired with his excited grin, which reminded Steve of a child at Christmas.

"At approximately 6:30 a.m., we'll meet Chin and his uncle, who will bring the coffee. Chin asked if you could cook chilaquiles for breakfast to eat on the journey." Steve replied with a grin.

"That's great; they're simple to make and I have everything needed. I can make them in the morning and have plenty of containers for everyone." Bomber replied, and Steve noticed that he was already searching through his pantry, fridge, and cupboards to ensure that he had enough for four to five people in case anyone needed seconds in his mind.

"You can make chilaquiles?" Caleb enquired, and to be honest, Steve was not surprised. He was surprised to see that Bomber could now cook and was enjoying seeing his younger brother love cooking and how relaxed he appeared as he worked on a meal or a plate.

Bomber chuckled before returning his gaze to Caleb and shrugging his shoulders, "I can cook better now; I will make you it some other time." He remarked, and Steve took a deep breath, as he had been apprehensive that Bomber could ask Caleb on their fishing excursion. Steve laughed at how much Bomber was downplaying his skills. Bomber was an amazing cook. And he loved being his guinea pig for new recipes, as well as all of the little treats he had been trying to make, such as the vanilla cannoli, but Bomber hadn't been dissatisfied with the texture, despite the fact that they were some of the best cannoli he had ever eaten. Bomber had always been a perfectionist.

"And don't forget the boys are coming over at the weekend," Steve said, carefully studying Caleb. He hadn't told Bomber that he had finally heard back from Callum and Alec, who had both verified that they had managed to book flights to the island at the last minute and could attend their brother's reunion, which Bomber had planned to have in his home. Sam had also managed to secure time off, but Michelle and the kids were unable to attend due to Aidan's tournament and Kamran's exam. That is why they lined up another celebration for all of the team's kids and their partners to attend.

"Wait, they managed to get the flights booked?" Bomber enquired excitedly.

Steve understood why Bomber had posed the question. There had been a time when they had no idea if they would be able to get the entire team to Hawaii on such short notice. But they wanted to try, mostly due to Bomber being thrilled about having the entire team in his house and being able to catch up properly. They had even set up a team chat so they could organise and communicate with one another, and it had been a godsend. They were able to talk to each other without all the awkward small talk. They could be themselves. And despite Alec's tendency to send memes to everyone whenever he came across a good one, it was really helping bring the team back together. Caleb had also been added to it, which Steve was unhappy about,t but let go.  Bomber wanted him in it, so he had let it go. And Caleb had been so far well-behaved in the chat.

When Callum and Alec sadly hadn't been able to get the plane tickets, Steve had to watch as he saw the pain in Bomber's face. The tickets were either way too expensive or wouldn't get them to the island in time. Both had families and partners to consider, and they couldn't afford to spend that much money on tickets, even if they wanted to. Alec had to come from Norway, but he had been trying to figure things out. For Callum, it was finding a flight that could accommodate his wheelchair and all of his necessary equipment.

But it was Bomber's gloomy expression after learning that their get-together might not happen that prompted him to phone the man he didn't want to speak with. He hadn't spoken to Joe since he went off on him after discovering he knew where Caleb was and why he had abruptly left. But he needed to do this for Bomber, and that was what he remembered himself as he hit the call button. He had to keep reminding himself that if he wanted to get the team back together, he was going to need help. And if anybody could make it possible, it was Joe.

The call was difficult to say the least, but he managed to ask Joe if he could pull some strings to help Callum and Alec secure the right flights that would allow them to get to the island on time. And, luckily, Joe did it. Steve had no idea who Joe had phoned or how he did it, but seeing Bomber's face light up at the prospect of having all of their brothers together in the same house was worth his suffering.

"Joe made it happen," Steve remarked with a shrug, but he was cautious about mentioning Joe's name as he didn't know how Bomber felt about the man. "…so they will all be here Friday night and can stay till Sunday," Steve reported.

He knew Bomber would most likely ask him to go shopping tomorrow for everything he needed. Before Callum and Alec told them that they were having problems getting tickets, Bomber had already begun a lengthy shopping list for their weekend together. Steve had joked that he wanted to buy enough food to feed an army. But then again, it was them, so he would need it. They had once eaten enough food to feed three football teams and could properly eat more if they were hungry enough. And now that their plans had been reinstated, they needed to go shopping. It was just two days away, and they would need to make a few journeys until Bomber felt he had had enough.

"I have so much to do…" Bomber started searching his pockets for his phone. "…I need to get the shopping list started, and we need to go to that farmers market that is only there on Friday and…" Bomber started rambling.

Steve couldn't help but laugh at Bomber's babble. Of course, his brother would overthink things. But all of it came from his great heart. Bomber never liked leaving anyone out, like when Carl mentioned how much he liked this imported beer from Japan, Bomber got him at least three crates of it for his birthday and made sure to have it on hand whenever they got together. Hell, Bomber bought some Hawaiian beer for him after he had stated one night (while very drunk) that he had missed his home beer, and the next week, he found a large crate in his cage waiting for him. He only realised it was Bomber when one of the guards mentioned seeing Bomber carrying the package into the base when they saw him carrying it to his truck.

"Bomber, we can sort that out tomorrow," Steve said, shaking his head, stopping Bomber's rant.

"Right, we'd better get going," Bomber replied, his cheeks flushing red again with embarrassment.

Steve knew Bomber was embarrassed as he was taking too long to get ready. Of course, everyone knew Bomber was looking forward to his date with Caleb, but it was evident that his younger brother missed his family even more. Yes, Bomber had ended most of their interactions, but it didn't mean they had to keep maintaining that distance. Of course, now that they had the chat, they planned to keep the conversation going.

"Now out, go and eat so I can watch the game," Steve said, pointing to the door. He had already checked to see what he could watch until Bomber got home, and he planned to keep himself awake until then to make sure he arrived safely.

"Yes sir," Bomber said with a mischievous grin on his face, giving him a weak and untidy salute as Caleb quickly walked to the door to make a quick exit, still visibly nervous around him. Not that he blamed him, considering the looks he had sent his way.

"Watch it Buckley?" Steve chuckled as he saw his brother follow Caleb, who was holding open the door for him. Steve nodded as Bomber gave him one of his grins as the door shut.

Steve groaned and turned to gaze back at the now-quiet hallway before returning to the screen that displayed the cameras from the front door. Steve couldn't help but feel an overprotective instinct to keep Bomber safe from harm. But he also understood that he needed to let Bomber make his own decisions about Caleb and simply be there to support him when necessary. That didn't mean he couldn't warn Caleb about the consequences of hurting his brother.

Looking through the camera, he observed Bomber talking to Caleb next to the car and laughed, knowing they were most likely talking about him. Perhaps his shrove talk had worked, at least for now. Turning away from the camera, Steve returned to the living room and turned on the TV.

Tonight was going to be a long one.

-

Buck waited for Caleb to close the door behind him before laughing, unable to believe Steve had given Caleb another shrove talk. He'd heard the entire thing. He had planned to come downstairs and answer the door himself since he didn't want to put Caleb in a situation he was uncomfortable with. They had discussed a lot about Caleb's feelings about seeing the team again since they had planned to reunite the team. And, if Buck had been honest with himself, he had recognised Caleb's anxiety of facing Steve again and had promised him that Steve would not hurt him. He might rant and yell, but he won't physically harm him. Not after he'd told him the truth.

But Caleb didn't seem convinced, and after telling Steve about his date, he should have realised he wouldn't be able to get rid of Steve that night. And he had been right. On the other hand, he really wanted his brother there so he could talk to someone when he got home. Of course, he was going to message Athena and May, as he had been talking with them more since his conversation with Athena. He had been messaging May, primarily after Athena reached out to him to tell him that May was asking about him more than once, and so had Harry. And after three minor panic episodes and some breathing exercises, he managed to send his first message to her.

He was terrified that Bobby might get access to her phone and track him down, but happily, this did not happen. Buck was worried at the time, but he knew May would never willingly violate his confidence and had told him so. She had even provided her a photo of his new contact, who listed as 'Sally', and was telling anyone who questioned it she simply told them that she was a new school friend. Buck had laughed so hard when he saw his number under that name, with the emblem of a Dalmatian puppy wearing a red collar.

When he showed Steve the photo and shared it on the team's group chat, they all lost their minds. Everyone was laughing and sending several possibilities for his 'secret' name. Alec had even made a list of all the names he thought fit him better than 'Sally', including 'Betty Boo' and 'Annie' (without the red dress). Alec spent five hours brainstorming ideas and creating his ion for each of the names. He finally stopped about one a.m., but only because Alec's partner had taken his phone from him, giving them a few hours' peace.

When he was finally given his phone back, Alec begged Buck to introduce him to May so that he could have someone who understood him. Or whatever that meant. Buck was aware that May and Alec would band together to pester him if he did that. Nonetheless, they would be his biggest supporters. Maybe when he came out completely to May, he would let them meet.

Buck had felt his heart in his throat when Caleb rang the intercom for his front gate. Why did he feel so nervous? He knew Caleb and wanted to do this. He had wanted to ask Caleb out on a date, but Caleb had asked first. They'd been eating poke bowls and laughed as they watched some tourists try to handle the spicy tuna bowl that they'd loaded with a lot of hot sauce, insisting they could handle it.

He had planned to ask him if he wanted to go on a date, but before he could do so, Caleb had asked him if he wanted to go to dinner with him. Buck had been perplexed when he told Caleb that they were eating dinner, but when he saw Caleb's expression, he realised what he meant. When he asked Caleb whether he was asking him out, he noticed Caleb's face had become flushed. Buck couldn't believe what was happening. He loved Caleb and wanted nothing more than to yell yes at the top of his voice. However, he was aware that they also had a lot of work to do. Buck leaned out and held Caleb's hand, who welcomed the contact and asked him again if he was really asking him out on a date. Caleb had taken a few moments to admit it; he admitted that he had wanted to ask him out for a long time but was too scared to do so. Buck had considered the question with far more care than he would like to acknowledge. As much as he loved Caleb, he couldn't allow himself to be harmed again. But he wanted to try, and so he had said yes. 

His phone vibrated on his bed as he finished buckling his belt, attempting to calm his anxiety. He answered the phone fast since he didn't want to keep Caleb waiting. He grinned as he talked, assuring Caleb that he would unlock the gate for him and that he should just follow the road and park outside the garage. Caleb thanked him and then drove through the now-open gate.

Buck looked around his room and realised he'd have to clean up when he got back. Clothes now littered his previously spotless bedroom. Shirts of various colours now lie on the floor or on his chair. Trousers, shoes, two blazers and two jackets lay over his wardrobe door. And that's not even considering the pile of shoes that had been kicked off back into his wardrobe. He understood that he was being silly. He looked nice in all of his outfits, but he didn't feel comfortable in any of them. Hell, his wardrobe had improved significantly after going shopping with Kono and Grace (who tagged along on a shopping trip using her father's credit card), and he had brought some more Hawaiian-friendly attire. Buck checked himself carefully in the mirror before leaving his bedroom after letting Caleb onto his property. He hadn't been fully pleased with this outfit either, but he had just run out of time.

He knew Caleb didn't care what he was wearing and had told him as much when they texted a few hours before their date. Caleb had told him that he had reserved a private table for them at one of the island's most exclusive restaurants, something they had done only three times before. One for their first official date (which the others were unaware of), one for their engagement, and one for when they were both on the verge of losing each other on that one mission.

However, Caleb hadn't told him which restaurant they were going to, only that he would pick him up, that it was his treat, and that he should leave his wallet at home. But he was not going to do that; instead, he would carry on as usual. And like normal, he would try to pay his share of the bill, even if he wasn't successful. He always liked to pay his own way, even with Caleb.

As they approached Caleb's car, which he said was a rental and definitely Caleb's style. Caleb had always admired the Ford Mustang and wanted his own one day and had been saving for one, but when Buck had offered to buy him one as a present Caleb refused. Caleb hated him spending his money on him, despite the fact that he was able to buy a Mustang (a decent one) for less than what two of his cars cost him. After they had gotten engaged, Buck knew what he wanted to get Caleb as a wedding present. A Mustang. And so he had started to find a decent one that had everything Caleb wanted. He had even asked Callum to look for any reputable sellers in the region. But, of course, the wedding never occurred and neither did he find the car that was right for Caleb.

As they headed to the car, Buck couldn't help but notice Caleb was still on high alert. He had noticed it in his house but assumed it had been because he had come face to face with Steve again. But thinking back, Buck realised that he had noticed it whenever they went out together. Caleb wasn't very good in large crowds; he wouldn't hang back or position himself up with his back to the wall in order to survey where they were and who was around them.

When they sat down in the coffee shop, he saw that Caleb didn't display much emotion, which was unusual for the man he knew; Caleb was known to be very emotional at times. He was the one who cried at sad films (only if there were animals involved) and got angry when someone he cared about was hurt, even if it was only a paper cut. But the man he met in the coffee shop seemed to have locked his emotions up so tightly that he didn't know when to let them out again. Yet, he could detect some emotion in Caleb's eyes, but only when they came on too strong.

As he took a step back and studied Caleb more closely, Buck found that Caleb was showing very similar signs to what Eddie did whenever his PTSD became too bad. But unlike Eddie, Caleb was punishing himself instead of lashing out at others. Another value that he loved about the man. Buck had seen the dark bags under his eyes that he tried to cover, despite how nice he looked. He looked so tired whenever they were together, and at one point during a hike where they sat at the top to watch the sky, Caleb had started to fall asleep against his shoulder. It was then that he was pleased he had encouraged him to join his sessions with Doctor Copeland. When Caleb messaged him, telling him that he had started seeing a therapist on his own, he had noticed small changes in Caleb that indicated that it was beginning to help.

Caleb, unlike Eddie, was honest about his need for help, as seen by his admission during their most recent joint appointment. Caleb had told both him and Doctor Copeland that he knew he needed help and had tried before, but he had no one to show him how; by talking and finding the proper person, he could improve. He had thanked them both for their help, and after each session, he would message them with something he had learnt from the session.

As they reached Caleb's car, Buck could still see the worry in Caleb's whole body. He had heard everything Steve had told Caleb, including what he did not say. He'd been on the receiving end of one of Steve's stares and understood how terrifying they could be. And so he knew that he had to say something about what had just happened back there. So, clearing his throat, he stated, "You know Steve was joking, right?" Buck said before continuing, "He wouldn't really hurt you if you upset me."

He saw Caleb sign loudly and watched him play with his keys before saying, "No, he wasn't." Caleb admitted. "And it wasn't like I hadn't hurt you when I swore that I wouldn't.”

Buck signed since he knew Caleb was still hating himself for hurting him. If Buck was being honest with himself, he was still angry about what had happened, but it was evident to him that Caleb was still blaming himself for what he had done, so he didn't need to be told that. He'd been talking to Doctor Copeland a lot about his anger, and he knew it was justified. He planned to discuss it further with Caleb later, but right now he just wanted to spend time with someone he still loved, even if that person was one of the people who hurt him. The only difference between Caleb and the 118 was that Caleb took the blame completely and didn’t try and shift that blame onto anyone else.

"Caleb, we talked about this…" Buck stated as he moved closer to Caleb.

"No Ev," Caleb answered, turning so that they were face to face, and Buck could see the worry in his eyes. But he wasn't worried about the date or Steve. It was the prospect of him hurting him again. "I will spend the rest of my life making things right with you for what I did, and the fact that you wanted to go on this date shows me that you are an incredible man who I don't deserve," Caleb stated, and Buck could tell he was working himself up.

He loved Steve, but sometimes wished he could keep his mouth shut on certain things. He was aware that Steve was worried that Caleb would hurt him again, but he had hoped that he could convince him that if he was hurt again, he would be fine. He needs to make his own mistakes in order to learn and grow. But he had a feeling Caleb was happier to give himself to the wolves rather than hurt him like that again.

"That's not true; we discussed this," Buck explained, reaching out to take hold of Caleb's arm, if only to ground the other man. "We both made mistakes in the past, sure you top the most fucked up, but you owed up to that." Buck began throwing Caleb a sweet smile, "You promised not to make decisions for me. And I agreed to be more open about what I wanted rather than just going with the flow."

Buck then squeezed Caleb's arm softly and firmly as he proceeded. He needed Caleb to understand that he wasn't going on a date with him solely because of their history. He wanted to be there with him.  "I want this. I wanted to go on this date; if you hadn't asked, I would have."  Buck admitted and was entirely confident in his own words.

He was going to ask Caleb out on a date and had even decided what they would do. He was going to pick a nice place for food. Maybe somewhere near the beach that was quiet so Caleb could relax more. Go for a sunset walk along the beach afterwards and get ice cream, and then drop Caleb off at his hotel. He had dreamed of going up to his room with him; however, Buck knew that he needed to do this right or risk messing it all up. Perhaps it will be their second date if this one goes as smoothly as he had hoped he thought.

"Ok," Caleb eventually murmured, holding Buck's hand and smiling softly that did not reach his eyes. However, it was the closest he'd ever seen it.

"Now come on, I need food, and you promised me it would be worth my time," Buck laughed as he led Caleb to the car. But when they approached the car, Caleb stopped him before he could reach the passenger side door. Buck was perplexed by his action; did he want to discuss further what Steve had said to him, or was he getting cold feet about their date? All of those questions raced through his mind, and at first, Buck couldn't bring himself to look up into Caleb's face, fearing the look that would tell him it was all a mistake.

However, after a few seconds of silence, Buck took a deep breath and forced himself to look up. Instead of a cold or fearful expression, Caleb smiled warmly at him before brushing his thumb over his hand and squeezing it before he let go. Instead of telling him that perhaps this was a mistake or that he needed more time, Caleb approached the car, opened the passenger side door, and indicated for him to get in.

He wanted to open the door for him.

Buck felt his emotions burst out of him. Caleb had always held the door for him, and as he climbed in, Buck could feel something deep within him start to relax. For far too long, everyone he cared about and thought of as family had never held the door open for him. Or kept it open for him if he was coming. Instead, they would slam the door shut on him, not caring what if did to him. Bobby had done it by keeping him from returning to work even though he was ready. Maddie had tried to micromanage his life despite the fact that he was an adult and behaved more like a parent than his sister. His parents had nothing to do with him unless they could show him off to others. Chim had essentially become Maddie's lapdog. Eddie called him exhausting. And Hen had not stood up for him.

Buck saw something while watching Caleb move around the car after closing his door. Caleb had accepted responsibility for everything and would not let anybody else bear the guilt. Sure, it was several years after it happened, but Caleb was the only one who had approached him and handed over the reins of their friendship. Putting no pressure on him to forgive him or understand his point of view.

He told him the facts and let him make his own decisions. Sure, it was a little dumb of him to forgive Caleb for what he had put him through, but he knew that if he had been put in the same scenario and followed his impulses, he was quite sure he would have consented to carry out the assignment. He would have been the one to walk away, so he couldn't really blame Caleb.

Buck took a long breath in before getting comfy in Caleb's car. Caleb hastily stepped inside and started the engine. They didn't say much as they began to move towards the city, instead listening to the radio, which was playing some peaceful music that they both enjoyed. Buck wondered whether things were improving as they were showered in streetlights.

He knew he'd have to take things slowly and communicate with Caleb more openly at each stage of this journey, but he'd never been frightened of hard work and knew Caleb was the same. Maybe this ended with them just being friends, or if they could be something more, but he wouldn't know unless he tried. Of course, seeing Caleb with someone else would sting at first, but if that was what was best for them, so be it. He wasn't going to rush into a relationship with as many cracks as theirs, but he was prepared to attempt to patch them up enough to keep their friendship alive. They'd gone through too much not to try.

Buck could tell Caleb was stressed from the way he was looking at the traffic around him. Even if their relationship never progressed beyond friendship, Buck was determined to see that Caleb received the help he clearly needed. No one should be left in the dark with only their thoughts to keep them company, and Caleb had gone through hell. Buck silently promised himself that he would not leave Caleb out in the cold again. Not while he was there for him.

Chapter Text

The restaurant was more than just beautiful; it was spectacular.

Buck couldn't believe he was sitting here about to eat some incredible meal that only the wealthy or celebrities could enjoy.

The whole restaurant was planned to embrace as much of the island's natural beauty as possible, and everything was done throughout construction to ensure that the restaurant would not harm the environment, including some very rigorous laws that delayed building multiple times. The design combined modern dining with the natural world. The owners sought to incorporate the beauty of the island into their restaurant.  The owners were college friends, one of whom was a Maui native who attended college on the mainland, where he met his now-business partner, a Japanese national. They both fell in love with cooking together, and after graduating and travelling around Asia, they decided to return to the island and open their own restaurant that celebrated both of their cultures.

The restaurant was created with both indoor and outdoor seating for customers to sit and enjoy their food. The owners had meticulously planned every space, including elements from both cultures, to highlight the greatest aspects of their homes. The entire structure was constructed of steel and concrete to give it a modern appearance, with locally sourced wood used throughout. The lights were made of Japanese glass floats rather than modern shades, allowing the gorgeous, coloured glass to reflect on the walls. They used the wood in a variety of settings, including the bar, cupboards, chairs and tables. The entire design of the structure was completed after they settled on the location in order to minimise the environmental impact of what they were doing.

An over-60-year-old Koa tree was in the centre of the indoor seating area near the bar, and when they bought the land, they had no intention of tearing it down. Instead, they designed the building around it. The surrounding vegetation had not been ripped up and dumped. Instead, the owners utilised them, adding those that could live indoors as design elements to separate regions to provide additional privacy, and replanting those that required to be outside. 

Along with the walls, there was a mix of Hawaiian and Japanese artwork, both current and historical, which added to the overall sense of culture and understanding. Nothing was done without adequate thought. Buck recalls reading an article about the restaurant's design one morning while drinking tea and finding it fascinating how two friends who had both made a name for themselves as chefs had come together and were able to celebrate both cultures in a modern way without pushing their own ideas to the point of losing that classic touch that they did so well.

The outdoor area had been designed for two distinct dining experiences: a decked area that was open to nature as it sat under a rich canopy of green leaves from the trees that dotted the area, which was protected from damage by having the deck slightly raised so the roots could do as they pleased and grow naturally. If he recalls properly, one of the restaurant's primary concerns was that they did not want to harm the natural characteristics of the region and wanted to demonstrate to others that humans can construct on a site without ripping and ruining the surrounding ecosystem. Buck agreed wholeheartedly with the statement. He had already begun to try to bring some of the land on which his own house was built back to nature. He had instructed the gardening team to now overcut the grass and plants while keeping them maintained, yet natural appearing. When he originally bought the house, the garden looked like it had come from a billionaire's magazine, with everything created to appear magnificent and expensive, which was fine, but not just for style. He wanted the space to appear lived-in and cherished.

The trees in the outside area had also been given a little glitter with dazzling fairy lights wrapped around their trunks and into some of the larger branches, giving the area a fairytale vibe. There was also soft candle lighting on the seats and tables, as well as soft lights placed on the deck to indicate where the sets were and the walk back inside the restaurant. The entire outdoor area was lit in such a way that it created a tranquil and relaxing mood regardless of the time of day.

On one side of the restaurant, which was the furthest away from the main restaurant, with twelve individual wooden cabins that provided greater privacy and a more romantic dining experience for those who could book them. They were popular among couples because they provided a more intimate experience. They were normally booked months in advance, but Caleb had managed to book the cabin with a view of the ocean in just the right position for those inside to watch the sun set over the ocean.

The cabins were constructed of teak wood and styled in an A-frame style, with wide glass windows facing out over the hill towards the ocean. The restaurant was located halfway up a hill on a terrace platform, which is why the cabins were separated from the main dining area. Because they were lighter in weight than the restaurant, they allowed for a better view of the water. Each cabin contained a huge wooden table, and two booth chairs made of comfy green cloth, with fairy lights wrapped around the door frame leading back to the restaurant.

Handmade candles are properly arranged within, with only gentle ambient lighting and fresh flowers available for order when the cabin is rented. In a hand-blown glass vase was a bouquet of sunflowers, plumerias, gerbera daisies, and ti leaves. Buck teared up a little when he saw the sunflowers and gerbera daisies because they were some of his favourite flowers, and Caleb remembered that which made his heart skip a beat.

When they arrived at the restaurant and Caleb handed over his car keys to the valet, Buck realised it was as costly as restaurants get. And he was glad he had picked up his wallet (despite Caleb having warned him not to), because he didn't want Caleb to go into debt for him. The front door looked stunning, with native flowers and plants surrounding it and soothing lighting. The building itself was exquisite, with the restaurant's name 'KaiZen' etched in mental on the wall next to the front door and illuminated with gentle cream lighting that reflected it into the concrete wall.

Buck saw the wooden and glass cabinets behind the bar, which were not intended to contain alcohol but rather awards that the restaurant had already received. KaiZen was a Michelin three-star restaurant with numerous awards, including a spot in the top twenty of the World's 50 Best Restaurants and the James Beard Awards for Best Chef and Best New Restaurant. However, that was not the only award the restaurant had received. In addition, it received the Hale ʻAina Award for Best New Restaurant. It was shocking to think of all the honours when the restaurant was only two years old.

It was one of the island's more sophisticated restaurants, with a significant waiting list for seats, which is why Buck was surprised Caleb was able to get a table. But this wasn't the only restaurant that the owners owned. Buck was also aware that they had launched another restaurant with more affordable prices with the focus on family values and delicious food. It was called Lava Roll Lounge and was the most popular eatery among the locals.

When asked about it, the two men revealed that they were from low-income households and that, while they now cook for high-end clients, they wanted to make a difference so that regular people could enjoy their cooking as well. However, this did not preclude them from purchasing high-quality ingredients in order to save money. The exact opposite was true. They explained that they used the same ingredients and suppliers at both locations, but the dishes were different.  KaiZen was more adventurous with more fine dining, whereas Lava Roll Lounge served more family-friendly cuisine. Both were tailored to the specific community for which they were intended. But both worked hard to provide their patrons with high-quality meals and a memorable eating experience.

Buck was unable to talk as the hostess took them to their cabin due to the beauty of the location, but he was able to unbutton his jacket, take it off due to the heat, and sit without making a fool of himself. The hostess, a young woman in her mid-twenties, smiled joyfully as she handed them both a menu and a drinks menu before leaving, stating that she was going to send over a waiter to take their drink orders in a few minutes. As he stared at Caleb, he realised that he had done the same thing, slipping off his jacket, leaving him in his shirt, which adhered to his body perfectly. Buck's cheeks turned a little red as he noticed Caleb's shirt wrapped around his arms perfectly.

Buck quickly looked down and opened the drinks menu, wanting to whistle at the long list of wines, beers, whiskies, scotches, and spirits on offer. Buck was thinking about just ordering a good bottle of white wine, and when he noticed that the restaurant had some Trimbach Clos Ste Hune Riesling available, he considered asking Caleb if he wanted to split a bottle rather than buying two individual ones. But before he could, Caleb looked up and smiled sweetly.

"If it's ok with you, I don't want to drink as I'm driving," Caleb said as he rested his beverage menu on the table, and Buck noticed that he was on the non-alcoholic menu. Buck was perplexed by the comment; having one drink with a meal would not put Caleb over the drink-drive limit, and he had seen Caleb drive after drinking before, but didn't want to press the subject. Hell, he'd seen enough drunk-driving accidents to know that no matter how many drinks a person had, they could still crash and potentially kill someone with their stupid actions.

"We don't have to drink," Buck stated, unwilling to drink if Caleb couldn't. He felt awful about enjoying a nice bottle of wine or beer as Caleb paid for their dinner.

"No, that's OK. I'm driving so you can enjoy a drink," Caleb murmured, returning to the drink menu. "Do you want the Trimbach Clos Ste Hune Riesling? I recall you saying it was one of the best wines you'd had." Caleb asked.

Buck was surprised that Caleb remembered what wine they had tried the first time they visited New York together. Of course, he remembered the weekend. They had spent so much time fighting their feelings, but that weekend, they had simply spent time getting to know each other as more than just teammates and friends. They had ordered that exact bottle of wine on their first night in New York, as well as anytime they had reached a big milestone or celebrated an occasion.

"Yes, but I feel bad drinking that when you're not drinking at all," Buck said.

Caleb simply smiled and shook his head, "There are plenty of nice-sounding non-alcoholic drinks and a few nice non-alcoholic wines that I have been meaning to try. The Chardonnay sounds good to try."

Buck looked down at the menu and noticed a non-alcoholic chardonnay from Spain that was described as white, fruity, and clean. He had wanted to offer to bring that with him and simply have a lunch without booze, but he knew it would be a hopeless struggle.

“And I don’t want to get in trouble if I get caught driving after having a drink,” Caleb said, shrugging his shoulders before laughing a little and when he saw his confused face that he was clearly pulling and explained a little more. “I know Steve will be having us followed, and I am not risking him getting me pulled over for drink driving.”

Buck couldn't help but laugh as well; he assumed Steve had called in a few favours with the HPD or possibly had one of the team members trailing them to ensure nothing happened. He prayed that his brother would trust him enough to know that he could defend himself, not just against others, but also against Caleb if necessary. Hell, he was the only one who knew all of Caleb's weaknesses and could easily take him down if needed. He didn't want to, but he knew he could do it if forced.

"You are probably right about that," Buck admitted, laughing along with him.

The waiter soon appeared, a young Hawaiian man who appeared to be of drinking age with a wide smile, to take their drink orders. Caleb requested a bottle of Trimbach Clos Ste Hune Riesling for Buck, a bottle of Chardonnay for himself, and some water for the table. The young man named Jason (according to his name tag) nodded happily and offered to bring over their drinks, asking if they wanted more time to look over the menu before ordering. Caleb asked for more time, which he was grateful for since he hadn't even opened that one yet. Jason nodded, promising to bring the beverages over shortly.

And soon they were left alone to look over the menu, which made Buck's mouth water simply by looking at it. Hell, all of the menu sounded fantastic, and if he could, he'd have one of everything. He then heard Caleb chuckle slightly, and as he looked up, he discovered Caleb was keeping a close eye on him. "They do tasting menus every month to try new foods. We should come back for one of those." 

Buck's pulse raced a little when he realised that Caleb wanted to come back here with him. He was not embarrassed to be seen with him. He'd witnessed the shame numerous times when out eating with most of the 118, and Maddie was the worst. She'd criticise everything about him. What he wore, which restaurant he chose if he was the one who selected it, what he had to drink, whether it was alcoholic or not, and how he reacted when he asked if she wanted to share the cost. But Caleb, right now, appeared really pleased that he was sitting with him, as if he were the sun and needed light.

"Yeah, that would be nice," Buck stated as he began to pay attention to the menu, paying little attention to what was printed on the paper. He was too focused on the man in front of him, who had not noticed his gaze. Caleb looked amazing, and he wasn't just saying that because he was gorgeous as hell in that shirt; Caleb looked relaxed as he sat there browsing the menu like a good book. He had never seen Caleb that comfortable before; there was still some stiffness in his shoulders and arms, but his face didn't reveal it, which made him smile.

Caleb had been extremely stressed lately, and Buck knew that he was still blaming himself for what had happened, despite having told him that he needed to let it go because if he didn't, he would never be able to fully recover. But he was working on it.

Caleb smiled softly and nodded to Buck's menu, adding, "Now you have to pick enough food for a three-course meal." He explained before returning to his own menu.

"What?" Buck enquired, surprised by the comment. Caleb couldn't afford a three-course meal. He'd be content with a main and a dessert, especially since Caleb had ordered him one of the most expensive bottles of wine on the menu.

"I kind of want to try things from each section, so we are having a three-course meal, if that's ok with you?" Caleb shrugged his shoulders and resumed reading. But Buck knew what he was doing, the same thing he always did when Caleb wanted to treat him, but knowing how much he disliked others spending too much money on him, Caleb devised a method of making it appear as if he wanted to do the thing they were doing or eat the food they were going to order to compel him to do it.

“Are you sure? Buck looked at the menu, shaking his head at Caleb's continued belief that this little ruse worked. With the correct ingredients, a three-course meal at this restaurant might easily cost a few thousand dollars. And given how popular and exclusive this establishment was, they could charge whatever they wanted. But the thought of someone being prepared to spend so much money on him, of all people, made his pulse race a little quicker, but he couldn't stop his mind from telling him that he was being selfish by expecting it. 

Caleb grinned at him, chuckled, and shook his head. "Money doesn't matter here, Ev," he whispered. "I assured you that I had everything covered. I may not be as wealthy as you, but I am far from broke."

"Are you sure?" Buck asked timidly.

Caleb reached over and took his hand. "Ev, when I went undercover, that didn't mean the Navy stopped paying me." Caleb clarified before continuing: "As I was also working for the CIA and DEA, they made me an agent, so they also paid me as well, including hazard pay, which over the years has been gaining interest since I never touched it." Caleb finished, then shrugged his shoulders slightly. "I just want to treat you tonight, Evan," Caleb confessed.

All Buck could do was bite his lip to keep from crying and grasp the menu a little tighter than necessary. "Ok…" he managed to mutter before glancing back down at his menu, trying to contain his emotions. He wanted to cry and tell Caleb that he missed people taking care of him.

"Ok, now what are you thinking about ordering?" Caleb enquired, smiling.

Buck smiled back and returned to his own menu; he hadn't really looked at it before, anxious that he'd choose something that would cost Caleb too much. Instead of being concerned about the cost, he wanted to choose a dinner that sounded amazing to him. He looked down at the small list of starters and realised that just choosing one would be more difficult than he had anticipated. Each dish sounded amazing, and he felt his mouth moisten as he read each one. Each featured a combination of Hawaiian and Asian cuisine.

However, as he went down the list, he remembered Caleb's advice from years ago, when they were sitting in another posh restaurant and he was having trouble deciding what to eat. He told him to forget what he was reading and close his eyes for a few seconds before opening them and letting his gaze rest on a dish that appealed to him, and giving it a try. So he closed his eyes briefly, took a long breath, and then opened them again to gaze down at the menu.

For some reason, it worked. His eyes immediately focused on one dish, and he responded to Caleb's query without hesitation. "I think I will go for the Hamachi Crudo with Lilikoi Yuzu Ponzu." The dish sounded incredible, and the description seemed otherworldly. The dish featured thinly sliced yellowtail with passionfruit-yuzu ponzu, micro shiso, pickled Maui onions, and Hawaiian lava salt.

Buck looked up to Caleb, who was nodding as he talked, before speaking for himself. "That does look good," he admitted, but then added, "But I think I am going to go with the Ahi Tartare on Crispy Rice."

Buck quickly looked down at the menu and discovered the starter Caleb wanted to order, which sounded fantastic as well. The menu stated that it was chopped sashimi-grade ahi with sesame oil, green onion, and macadamia nuts served atop crispy sushi rice squares. He remembered having something similar before, but nothing as elaborate. To be honest, that would have been his next opinion because he enjoyed ahi. "That does sound amazing," Buck admitted.

"I know, right? It's been a while since I had some good tuna," Caleb admitted before returning to his menu. "What are you thinking about for the main course?"

Buck did the same thing as the previous time; he wanted another fish course because he had fallen in love with trying all of the locally caught fish, which is why he wanted to go spear fishing with Steve and Chin, and he was overjoyed when he chose a dish with yellowtail for starters. He was aware that the yellowtail was a Japanese fish, but it was found in Hawaiian waters, so he didn't worry. Fortunately, as he opened his eyes, they fell on the Kona Kampachi with Thai Green Curry Beurre Blanc. And he found himself chuckling slightly at his decision. "I think I will go for the Kona Kampachi with Thai Green Curry Beurre Blanc with some Mango-chilli slaw."

The curry sounded incredible; it was composed with seared Kampachi fillet, curry beurre blanc with jasmine rice cake, grilled baby bok choy, and kaffir lime zest, and I soon added the colourful mango-chilli slaw, which was described as a rush of tropical heat and acidity. Thai food was one of his favourites because he enjoyed how it was a dance between intense flavours and freshness. Buck was aware that green curry is typically not hot, or at least not to his taste, but he didn't mind. He'd be quite content with a creamy, sweet sauce.

"I think I will go for the Wagyu Striploin with Wasabi Macadamia Pesto with some Sweet Soy Glazed Heirloom Carrots," Caleb stated, making Buck laugh a little. He should have known that Caleb would choose the wagyu beef. It was his dirty pleasure, and he could not really blame him. If properly obtained and prepared, it was stunning, with superb marbling and a buttery taste.

Buck looked down at the description of Caleb's supper and understood why he had chosen it. The title described it as Grilled Australian Wagyu (MBS 8+), brushed with kabayaki glaze, served with truffle edamame purée, roasted Maui onions, and wasabi-macadamia pesto. It sounded exactly like a Caleb meal, and when he added the Sweet Soy Glazed Heirloom Carrots, he knew Caleb was going to love it.

"You and your wagyu," Buck said, chuckling. He should have known that Caleb would order the wagyu the instant he saw it on the menu.

Caleb contorted his face into a shocked expression while maintaining his typical cheeky grin, smiling slightly, "Hey, I like my beef." Caleb laughed, and Buck could not help but agree.

"And dessert?" Caleb murmured, grinning as he switched the page to the dessert section.

Buck felt himself shaking his head as he glanced at Caleb, surprised that he could imagine that after all of that, they still had room for dessert, but they usually did. There was an old saying that everyone had two stomachs, one for the main course and one for dessert, and they almost always proved it right.

But before Buck could glance at the list, Caleb continued, "I think I will get the Yuzu-Lilikoi Cheesecake and don't say anything about me liking cheesecake," Caleb remarked, pointing at him, and Buck couldn't stop laughing.

Caleb likes wagyu, but he loved his cheesecake. Something about the dessert made Caleb go a touch feral, as he had witnessed when Callum nearly took his cheesecake.  "I wouldn't dream of it; I don't want to be stabbed like Callum was," Buck remarked, smirking as he remembered that day.

They had arrived on base after a difficult deployment and had ordered food, not wanting to go just yet because their previous mission had nearly ended with one of them returning home in boxes. Caleb had also ordered some chocolate cheesecake, and Callum had attempted to sneak a bite as a joke, but Caleb ended up stabbing him with his fork, not enough to draw blood but enough to make them all react. After that, Caleb and his cheesecake were left alone for everyone else's safety.

"Well, he shouldn't have touched my cheesecake," Caleb muttered, shrugging his shoulders and continuing to look over the menu.

Buck grinned and shook his head at Caleb; it was little quirks like that that made his heart skip a beat. Caleb had always been true to himself and did his best not to pretend to be anything else. It was why he was still shocked that Caleb had managed to remain underground for so long, but if his life was on the line, perhaps it was reason enough to keep living the lie. Buck looked down at the menu and quickly read the description of the cheesecake, which sounded delicious. It was described as a creamy yuzu and passionfruit cheesecake with a macadamia nut crust topped with lychee gel and gold flake. Very upscale, but then again, most cheesecakes were overly descriptive, but it did sound good.

"I think I will go for the Coconut Haupia Mille-Feuille," Buck replied, closing his eyes again before opening them again, his gaze drawn to the coconut dessert. It was layered haupia cream and coconut custard in puff pastry, topped with caramelised banana and kaffir lime dust. Coconut custard was one of his favourite sweet delights, and when combined with caramelised banana, it sounded like a total sugar rush, which further added to its allure.

"Good choice," Caleb commented as he closed his menu.

However, before Buck could speak, Jason arrived with their drinks, displaying both bottles so that they could confirm that they were the bottles that they had ordered before filling each other's glasses to the level that appeared to be just the right amount and placing each bottle in two wine coolers that he had brought over. Jason then filled their water glasses with a glass bottle and placed it in its own cooler.

Jason then pulled out a small paper notebook that appeared to be locally made because the paper was a pale cream colour rather than white, indicating that it was handmade and had not been bleached or dyed like most notebooks, and asked if they needed a few more minutes to choose their meals. But Caleb explained that they were ready to order. Caleb took charge of ordering their dinner, while Buck was unable to resist sipping his Trimbach Clos Ste Hune Riesling. As he raised the glass to his lip, his nose recognised the citrus and green apple flavours that the wine was famous for. However, he detected a faint, honeyed scent, indicating that this was a more aged vintage. And as he took a sip while Caleb ordered their food, he detected some green apple and lemon flavours with hints of almond.

Jason soon left with their orders, leaving Caleb and him alone, but Buck was too preoccupied with his glass to see the young man leave. Buck found himself swirling the wine around in his glass without realising that he was doing it, and after a few moments of silence, he looked up to see Caleb attentively studying him while sipping his own non-alcoholic wine.

"How does it taste?" Buck enquired since he was aware that some non-alcoholic wines can taste strange and nothing like wine, making it difficult to discern minor flavours. But there were a few good ones who could do it, and he was hoping that, as the restaurant took such pride in everything they did and brought, they had carefully selected their drinks menu with only the best.

Caleb grinned and returned his glass to the table. "Good," Caleb remarked, looking at him more closely, "tastes pretty much like a good Chardonnay, really, Evan. I have come to like non-alcoholic wine lately." He explained.

But Buck couldn't get past the last part of the comment. From that statement, it sounded like Caleb had given up drinking because the man he knew would never be seen dead drinking non-alcoholic wine. And then he remembered that when they went out for poke, he had ordered a juice instead of a beer, even though he was driving; he had told Caleb that he could drink if he wanted, but for some reason, he opted not to. He hadn't seen Caleb drink since before they had ended things, which was unusual for a man who could consume at least thirteen beers per night without receiving a buzz. But now he seemed to want to avoid drinking entirely. He kind of got that in a way. Being undercover, surrounded by drugs and drink, must have created some trauma because that was a deadly combination. 

"You're not drinking," Buck says.

"I'm cutting down," Caleb remarked, shrugging his shoulder and adding, "I need to protect my liver." However, Caleb's voice had lost its relaxed tone. Talking about drinking seemed to bring back some awful memories, and the brightness in his eyes had dimmed. He didn't seem to be present.

"Are you ok?" He enquired quietly, reaching out and taking one of Caleb's hands. He felt every muscle stiffen for a few seconds, as if he was about to pull away, but he didn't. Instead, he felt Caleb's hand relax in his grasp, as if he were returning him to the present day rather than wherever his mind had carried him.

"I'm fine, Evan, promise," Caleb murmured, squeezing his hand before turning to look at the surroundings. The moon was already high in the sky, reflecting its silver light on the water of the ocean. It looked beautiful. The ocean stretched out endlessly like a blanket of darkness, with only hints of light from the city below. Buck had no idea how far up they were as he watched the shrubs outside the cabin blow in the wind, but that only made the scenery more lovely.

"What are you thinking of?" Buck asked, seeing the sweet smile on Caleb's face, which indicated that he was finally back with him entirely and had not slipped back into the memories.

"I was just thinking, can we call this a first date?" Buck was taken aback by Caleb's question. And yet, he understood it. To be honest, he didn't have an appropriate response. He hadn't really considered it. They couldn't exactly call it their first date, but it was, in some ways, because they'd been separated for long enough. But, at the same time, he didn't want to think of it as a first date because that would mean they weren't respecting their previous connection.

"I am not sure, can you say this is a first date when the two people involved were about to get married and hadn't spoken in years?" Buck responded with truthfulness. He didn't want to sound harsh, but he wouldn't lie to Caleb.

"Properly not…" Caleb said, "But maybe we can class this as our or my do-over since it was my fault everything fell apart."

Buck couldn't help but sigh loudly; they had played the blame game during their session with Doctor Copeland, and Caleb kept insisting that he was taking all of the blame on himself, no matter how many times he tried to assure him that he had forgiven him. "Caleb, we talked about this," Buck said before taking a sip of his wine, hoping that this would be the end of the comments for now. "I would like to call this our do-over; it tells people that we are respecting our past while moving on in the future," Buck explained.

He liked the notion of a do-over since it gave them time to get to know each other without the strain of naming their relationship. Buck knew Steve was worried that he was only going on a date with Caleb because he was being pressured into it or was attempting to rekindle what they had before everything fell apart. But that was not the case. He wanted to get to know Caleb again while trying to figure out if the spark he felt in his gut could be shifted into a blaze or if it was just a memory.

"I know we still have a lot to unpack, what I did when I left and what I said…" Caleb began to speak after taking a big breath, as if he was attempting to muster the courage to admit what he did back then. Buck realised that for Caleb, this matter remained unresolved and that he needed to explain himself.

He had previously stated that actions spoke louder than words during his appointment with Doctor Copeland and Caleb. He'd forgiven him but stated that he needed to work on restoring his trust, which could only be accomplished by spending time together and observing how he had changed.

"Caleb, we went through this with Doctor Copeland," Buck remarked, reaching for Caleb's hand and asking him to look at him. "...remember what she said about not revisiting a subject we already discussed. It is not healthy. And going back to this will only hurt us both." Buck explained.

Of course, Buck wanted to talk about the last few days of their relationship and go over every hour by hour. But he knew it would just increase his distress. He still wanted to talk about the words Caleb said to him to discourage him from following him, but they had already discussed what happened before and after. But this was not an appropriate setting for that conversation.

"I know." Caleb nodded along with him. "But still, I know I have much to make up for, and I plan to stick around to make that happen." Caleb went on to say that it was obvious to Buck that Caleb felt compelled to express his concerns, as communication had been a major issue with what happened.

"And you are," Buck replied softly. He needed Caleb to realise that he knew that he was doing his best to make amends for the past, but that moving forward did not imply forgetting the past; rather, it meant that he respected himself enough to move forward without letting the past hold him back. He had never been good at it, but with Doctor Copeland's guidance, he had begun to improve. "But you should remember not to be too hard on yourself."

"This is still new for both of us, and there's no use in hurrying our relationship if we're not willing to face the past. But we have to do it right. Tonight, let's just reconnect. Enjoy some delicious food and forget about the past, even for a few hours. Ok?" Buck said.

"You're right," Caleb finally admitted after a few moments of silence during which Buck could see Caleb's internal struggle.

Of course, Caleb had a lot to make up for; he wasn't naive enough to let him off the hook for everything, but he could tell Caleb was still hurting. Whatever transpired during that assignment nearly destroyed the man in front of him. He deserved to be at peace after going through something like that.  Buck was almost certain that Caleb's not drinking had something to do with that mission; whether he had used it as a coping mechanism or if he had begun drinking during the mission, Buck would never know, but if Caleb was in recovery or simply reducing his intake to avoid an addiction, he would support him.

"I don't normally hear that, but I will take it," Buck remarked, chuckling slightly before taking a sip of his wine.

Sure, Steve had reassured him he was right several times, but he was his brother, and Steve would always support him even if he was wrong. But with Caleb, it was different. Caleb had never lied to him before, so it came as a bit of a shock when he lied to him. But then again, he believed that the 118 had become his family and would always be there for him, no matter what. It appears that he got it wrong on both counts, but Caleb was the only one who returned and accepted full responsibility. He remembered other instances where his suggestions and comments had been ignored because they felt he was an inexperienced moron who knew nothing. Perhaps it was his fault for not telling them about his Navy past, but he didn't think showing someone respect for their training in the department was that hard without having to defend himself.

The only time he felt appreciated by anyone in the department was when the 118 worked with other stations. The other captains and firefighters always gave him a 'well done, Buckley' and a 'good one' whenever he did something that warranted it. It felt good. Hell, on a few big rescues, he was asked by the Chiefs to draft an action plan, which he was able to do in under 10 minutes, saving multiple victims when no one else was available.

The Chief had even recommended him for a commendation, but he had heard nothing about it afterwards. He had no idea what had happened until Mackey revealed that the department wanted to give him an award and had written a letter to the station, only to receive a response stating that he did not want it. It turned out that Captain Nash had declined it for him; it wasn't until the lawsuit that the department recognised, he had never received the letter. However, he left before they could arrange for him to receive the honour. It wasn't like it really mattered anymore. He didn't think he would ever feel right going back after everything that had happened.

After writing his resignation letter and having it reviewed by his lawyer, he emailed it to the chief, stating that he would not be returning and thanking him for all of his support, but he couldn't return. But what surprised him, was that he received an e-mail three days later from the chief declaring that the awards and commendations that he would have received if not for Captain Nash's interference would be added to his record so that if he ever wanted to return or join another department, his file would be up to date and right, with all of the information stating how well trained and experienced he was as a firefighter. And even offered to send over the commendations to him if that was what he wanted.

Buck was taken aback by this reply since he expected the department to just ignore the matter, given how long it had been going on. He did, however, respond with an e-mail in which he expressed gratitude. But deep down, Buck knew it would be extremely tough to return to firefighting, no matter how much Steve offered to put in a good word with the department on the island. However, the department's offer to send him the commendations and awards so that he could physically have them appealed to him. He had a wall in his office covered with all of his Navy honours and competitions in which he had represented the LAFD, which Captain Nash couldn't stop. But would they only serve as a reminder of what he had lost to someone he trusted? However, he had ultimately asked Sam to go get them from the department and bring them with him. He didn't have to show them, but he preferred the option.

Perhaps he was done with firefighting for a time, maybe try something new for a while in the hopes of rediscovering himself. Because that was the underlying issue, he felt like he had slowly forgotten himself over the last several years, but he hadn't noticed it until he took a step back. Perhaps the bombing, tsunami, and PE were the universe's way of reminding him to take a step back.

Buck must have been lost in his own thoughts for a time because the next thing he knew, he felt Caleb's hand on top of him, making him jump slightly. He pulled away from the window, realising he had been staring out at the water for a while, and returned his gaze to Caleb, who was looking at him with a little concern.

"You have changed so much," Caleb murmured. And it was not a question.

Buck knew Caleb was right; he had changed. And unfortunately, not in a good way. He had always doubted himself. He had always blamed it on his missing parents and a sister who tried to control every aspect of his life, but he was aware that he had always seen himself negatively. He knew it was dangerous; heck, he'd never gone through with any of his plans to kill himself, only because he would hate himself even more if he hurt those who still cared about him. But he also realised that from Caleb's perspective, he had changed significantly. He was no longer the easy-going young man he once was.

With Caleb leaving him, retiring from the Navy, travelling around the country and then relocation to Los Angeles had a significant impact on him. But the real change came with the second betrayal he had suffered. He didn't know if he'd ever be the man he was before Captain Nash betrayed him. But he'd like to try, since when Caleb left, he thought he'd never find himself, but he had.

"I grew up a lot while in LA," Buck acknowledged, taking a hefty swallow of wine.

Caleb admitted, "You have," while sipping his own wine. "Then again, you always were the most responsible out of the two of us, but now you seem a little more grounded," Caleb added.

And Buck understood his point; out of the two of them, Joe often commented that he was the more mature of the two, unless it came down to finding a way of guaranteeing that all of his brothers survived, in which case Joe said he acted like MacGyver, who was well known for his crazy plans. But then again, he had been on his own for so long that if he hadn't learnt how to care for himself and be an adult, he wouldn't have lived.

When the team was on duty or between tours, he finally allowed himself to be a kid again. Maybe that's why they all considered him their little brother who needed to be protected.

"Don't let Steve hear that," Buck laughed, feeling his body relax further. But there was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that he couldn't be too quiet. Buck couldn't help but start playing with the base of his glass, "Can I ask you something?" even though they were alone and there was no possibility of being overheard.

"Of course," Caleb replied honestly, taking another sip of his wine.

"I know I said we shouldn't talk about the past, but did you ever once try and reach out?" said Buck and paused before continuing. "I know you said you found me after everything was set and done, but did you ever think about just emailing me or sending me a letter explaining everything and giving me the choice on whether I would want to keep in touch?"

Buck realised he sounded childish, but he couldn't help but wonder. What would have happened if Caleb had reached out to him? Would he have listened to him, or slammed the door in his face? As much as he would have preferred not to be ambushed in this manner, he would've had the option of choosing his own fate.

Caleb sighed and closed his eyes, as if fighting back his emotions, before opening them again and clutching his glass even more tightly than he should have. "I wanted to," Caleb admitted. "I never expected you to forgive me for what I did, but after seeing you happy in the fire department, I didn't want to ruin it for you. I wrote you a dozen letters, but never dared to send them. Instead, I just kept an ear out for you. Making certain you were happy and healthy." Caleb admitted. "I saw all of your incredible rescues and the news stories they wrote about you. You were quite impressive." Caleb added with a smile.

Buck couldn't help but groan, allowing his head to fall into his hands and close his eyes. He remembered that in his early months, he liked to save the stories in which he was featured, but he stopped after a while because he didn't have anyone to show them to. He couldn't believe Caleb had been keeping an eye on him via the articles. However, he also considered the letters that Caleb had admitted to composing but had not dispatched properly due to fear. Did he still have them? Would he let him see them if he asked?

"Oh god, you saw them?" Buck asked, embarrassed that Caleb had seen them; he was aware that he looked good in a few of them. But there were some articles and photos that he hated, as he appeared exhausted or ignorant. Chimney had used some of those images to demonstrate to the entire station how stupid he was, as if a poorly taken shot was proof that he was beneath him.

When he arrived at work, Chimney had pasted one of the images to his locker, drawing a crown over his head in black Sharpie and writing the caption 'king of the stupid' at the bottom. When confronted, Chimney said it was just a joke, and Captain Nash had agreed, saying it was all in good fun. Buck should have known that whatever he said, Captain Nash would always side against him. Fortunately, it was only a handful of photos he disliked that were actually printed, but Chimney was always able to locate them.

In addition to feeling embarrassed, Buck was curious about what Caleb would say about them. There weren't lots of pictures of him alone; there were a couple when he was dragging people out of a fire or cutting someone out of a car. But, knowing Caleb worked for Navy intelligence, he believed Caleb had utilised that technology to find anything that was released about it. Buck felt a warm sensation in his gut at the idea of it; the fact that Caleb had kept an eye on him even from a distance told him more than he wanted to admit.

But before he could think of anything else, he heard her little chuckle from across the table. Pulling his head out of his hands and opening his eyes to glance over at Caleb, he found Caleb grinning like a Cheshire cat while holding his wine glass, evidently amused by his reaction.

"Yep," Caleb snorted, chuckling. "And to be fair, you looked pretty hot in that uniform."

Buck couldn't help but snort at the comment. He always knew that people were drawn to uniforms; heck, he was one of them. Caleb may have been his first, but he had gone on a few dates with others who wore the uniform, as he always found them sexy as hell in and out of them. Steve never let him forget it. Caleb has often joked that you would only go out with him coz he wore a uniform. One night, while they were cleaning out their lockers after a difficult mission in only the first few months of his and Caleb's relationship, Carl commented that at least this time he had chosen the better uniform to date than previous dates. However, he was not the only one who thought that.

"You always did like a man in uniform," Buck replied, sipping his wine and trying not to chuckle.

Caleb, like him, loved to date people in uniform.  Before they both proclaimed their emotions for each other, and while it pained him to see him go on dates with other people, he couldn't blame him. He hadn't been ready to acknowledge he'd fallen for his best friend. He remembered one night in Steve's living room, drinking well, when Caleb messaged him about his date with a lifeguard they'd met on a night out. He had wanted to hurl his phone out the window, mostly because Caleb had sent him a photo of the guy, who he had to admit was stunning.

"Shut up, I could say the same about you," Caleb replied with an amused grin. "Didn't you have a date with a pilot once? Was it the army guy? Tommy something?"

Buck felt his face turn red. Of course, he remembered Tommy. The guy was as hot as hell. They had met after a mission in which Tommy was their exfil, and they had started talking on the way back. Fortunately, Tommy was on the flight back home, and before they parted ways, Tommy had asked him out on a date, which he accepted. He hadn't expected this because Tommy had told him he wasn't out in the Army or with his family. He had the impression that Tommy was not on speaking terms with them, and right now, he could only hope that Tommy was okay because he had lost contact with him after leaving the Navy.  To be fair, it was one of the nicest nights he'd had in a while.

They hadn't done anything but eat and go for a walk, and a little part of him wished he could do it again, but Tommy had told him that they were his final mission, and he was retiring after getting accepted for another position outside of the army. He had texted Tommy even after the man had left to see how he was doing. He hadn't messaged Tommy since leaving the Navy, but he did keep an eye on him. He discovered that Tommy had joined the LAFD himself and was now working as a fireman and pilot. According to the pictures he had shared, he looked happy and was now out and proud in his own way.

He recognised that for most of Tommy’s service, don't ask, don't tell was in effect, and no matter that the policy was no longer in effect, people still had issues with it.  The only reason he hadn't been subject to the same issues as Tommy was because of Joe.  As much as he was upset with Joe about his knowing about Caleb's mission, he knew that Joe would have more than likely been ordered by the higher-ups to keep it quiet. And before all that, Joe had protected him and the others from the don't ask, don't tell policy and its consequences. Even though the policy had been abolished, he was aware that there were still small remnants of hatred towards them. It was fortunate that Steve discovered him during Buds, since he would not have known where he would be without Joe's support.

Would he have been discovered by the Navy and booted out, like so many others have been with that dreadful blemish on their records? Or would he have to remain hidden, concealing his true identity once more? Thinking about that made him grateful that he had discovered his brothers and family.

"Single dates don't count," Buck insisted, finishing his glass with a grin on his face. He knew Caleb was just teasing him, and he missed this kind of banter. He used to do this with Eddie before everything fell apart.

"It so does," Caleb said, laughing as he finished his glass. "Steve went ballistic when he found out," Caleb said, chuckling at the memories that he had no idea about; evidently, they had been keeping secrets from him. "He was worried you would start dating an army guy and he would have to be nice to them."

"It was just dinner and conversation," Buck defended himself.

There had always been a competition between the Navy and the Army, which occasionally resulted in a skirmish and a brig visit, but he had never agreed to it. And Tommy had been nice enough, he didn't mind that he was in the Navy; sure, they talked about their service and how difficult it was to keep up with everything that was going on around them, but thankfully, he only spent a few years of his service under that rule before it was abolished, but it was interesting to hear Tommy talk about how he had survived it.

"It was more about friendship than romance. Anyway, he was about to retire and move away, so nothing would happen." Buck admitted.

"Scare him off, did you?" Caleb joked.

However, before he could continue their conversation, Jason reappeared and offered to refill their glasses, which they accepted. It seemed weird that they didn't refill them with the bottles so nearby, but Jason seemed to know when he needed to check to see if they wanted a refill or anything else to drink. Buck couldn't help but glance around every corner of the cabin for a camera or something, but there was nothing there.

He knew they weren't supposed to refill their own glasses in such a fancy restaurant, but it was only because he had swiftly learnt this when they had previously visited similar restaurants. Perhaps there was a rule that they had to check in with their guests, but as he looked out the cabin's doors, he spotted something he hadn't before. The outside sitting area was now packed with folks enjoying their night out. It was surprising that they hadn't noticed the commotion of the now-busy restaurant, as he had only heard it when Jason opened the door to ask whether they needed their glasses filled.

After Jason refilled their glasses, he left them alone, encapsulating the sound and allowing them to return to their bubble. The cabins must be soundproof to ensure that individuals who pay for them have complete privacy when they choose them. It helped to create a little bubble in which they could not be overheard or disturbed. There was a small black button on the edge of the table near the entrance that they might use if they needed help. It would contact whoever was servicing them within a few minutes.

They both fell silent for a few moments, fiddling with their glasses, before laughing again.

"More like you and the team scared him off," Buck laughed, shaking his head and sipping his wine. His brothers were always too protective of him, especially when it came to dating someone. He knew they just meant well, but there had been a few occasions when he had gone out on a date with someone only for them to call it off after only a few dates due to his brothers scaring them off with threats if they did anything to hurt him.

Caleb went silent again, which scared Buck because he had said something that triggered a memory. He was almost certain that Caleb had PTSD as a result of what he had gone through, and all he hoped was that he was receiving therapy to treat it. But before he could ask him what was wrong, Caleb took a long gulp of his wine (as if he was trying to muster the courage to say something, which was strange given that it was non-alcoholic) before saying, "It was after hearing about that date that I realised I had feelings for you."

Buck couldn't help but freeze up, his wine glass halfway to his lips. He had no idea what Caleb was talking about; he tried to recall the beginning of their relationship for the first time and discovered that he couldn't remember when Caleb told him he had fallen in love with him.

"Really?" Buck asked as he lowered his glass and placed it on the table. "You never told me that," Buck admitted.

Caleb sighed and closed his eyes before looking at him with his head down. "Seeing you with someone else hurt all the time, but seeing you with him," Caleb stated before sighing again, "kind of forced me to finally notice that I liked you a lot."

As Caleb finished, Buck remembered that Tommy had picked him up from base for their dinner date, and Caleb left at the same time. Heck, he had even introduced the two of them, and he hadn't seen any hostility between the two men. Did he miss something? If he remembered correctly, Caleb showed no symptoms of being irritated that he was going out with Tommy. He told him to have a good night and that he would see him tomorrow in his usual joyful mood.

But before he could say anything to him or ask why he hadn't said anything before, Caleb looked at him with a small stiffness in his shoulders, "I know I was your first," he hastily added. "And nothing happened between you and Tommy, but I was a little jealous. Jealous that I had missed my chance with you, but I couldn't be angry with you. I was the coward; all I wanted was to see you happy. And if you can be happy with him, then I must be happy for you.” Caleb paused for a few seconds before starting again. “You are my best friend, and I had to respect your decisions," Caleb explained, but Buck could sense that he was struggling.

"I always wanted to be with you," Buck added. He had never said those words aloud before, since he was too afraid to. He had always felt drawn to Caleb, no matter how much he tried not to admit it. He'd liked him since Steve first introduced them; he was funny, caring, a great friend, and someone who wanted to make the world a better place. He had wanted to ask him out so many times, but he was too frightened of losing their relationship and potentially destroying the team they had formed.

After Caleb, he had only ever felt such strong feelings for one other person: Eddie. And it terrified him when he realised he liked Eddie more than a normal friendship. Perhaps because of what happened with Caleb it was why he had never allowed those feelings to flourish for Eddie. But now that he thought about it, he wondered whether he had mixed up his feelings for Caleb and Eddie together since the two men appear very similar. And maybe that's why he tried so hard not to like Eddie in the first place, but after meeting Chris, he couldn't help but fall into their bond. The little kid had become his universe, even though he had no blood relation to him.

"I just didn't want to destroy what we had," Buck said. "I have liked you from the moment we met. I was just scared that if I told you, then I would lose what we had." Buck said as he played with his glass. He was too terrified that Caleb would hate him or think he was repulsive to consider them anything other than friends. He had seen what had happened to other gay men who fell in love with their straight friends, and he didn't want to get hurt.

"Did you really think I would abandon you like that?" Caleb expressed surprise at what he had just stated.

"I don't know if I'm honest," Buck acknowledged. He hated admitting that at first, he was scared that he would wake up, and the night he spent with Caleb in his bed would have been a dream. He didn't want to wake up from the dream. "I wanted you to be my first; I know it sounds ridiculous, but it seemed right with you. When I discovered myself with someone else, it felt wrong," Buck proceeded. He was aware that he sounded fragile, but for some reason, the wine was giving him the courage to express things he had never considered until now. 

"I loved being your first," Caleb remarked, holding Buck's hand after watching him pick at the flesh around his nails. Caleb had noticed his nervous habit since he was a child, which was a warning indication that he was spiralling. "I was afraid when you told me I was your first. "I was terrified that I had hurt you," Caleb said.

But Buck interrupted him before he could finish: "You would never hurt me like that." He argued. Sure, Caleb had hurt him with his comments and his decision to leave, but he would never force him to do anything he wasn't comfortable with.

"I wasn't exactly gentle with you that night, Ev," Caleb said, his cheeks flushing at the memory.

Buck could not help but bush along with him. That night had been the happiest of his life; Caleb had been a little rough, but that had just enhanced the experience. That night, he developed a strength kink and enjoyed the sensation of being trapped beneath Caleb's body. Their sex life had been the best he'd ever had; even now, none of his sexual companions compared to Caleb. He had no idea what it was, but he felt absolutely safe with vulnerability around Caleb, knowing that he would never take advantage of him or do anything to harm him.

"Never liked gentle remember," Buck muttered with a smirk on his face as he remembered all their experiences in bed together, but when his face flushed with embarrassment, he hurriedly took up his wine glass to hide behind it. He had so many memories that still made him feel aroused when he thought about them. He missed the loving feeling he had experienced while lying with someone who saw him as more than simply a body. Perhaps that is why he began sleeping with as many people as possible in pursuit of that connection again. But he never discovered it. Not even with Abby. 

Buck was never ashamed by what they did together. It was the embarrassment of the taunts they had received from their brothers. He remembered one occasion when they were granted the weekend off, so he and Caleb planned a naughty weekend at Caleb's apartment, only to be called in for a mission. They had arrived last (unable to hear their phones), and when Buck went to change, he recklessly left his back exposed to his brothers, forgetting the eight scratchers that Caleb had accidentally left all the way down his back.

His brothers' surprised expressions would have been amusing if he hadn't been so humiliated. But, at the same time, it didn't worry him too much because he was finally happy. He did remember Alec nearly peeing himself from laughing so hard at the sight of his back and their other brothers' astonished expressions. Alec had laughed himself silly, but between gasps for air, he managed to say that it looked like he had been attacked by a tiger while grinning at Caleb, who looked like he wanted to disappear.

"I know," Caleb laughed as he sipped his own wine. "Steve nearly killed me when he saw the bruisers on your arms," Caleb mumbled, forcing Buck to chuckle aloud.

He couldn't look at his brothers for a while after that day, but it wasn't the first time they'd noticed marks left behind from their nighttime activities; thankfully, he'd gotten a bit better at hiding them. But they could occasionally catch a bruise or two, which was amusing, but Caleb was scared when they realised that Steve had clocked a bruise on his hip that resembled a handprint. The look of rage Steve sent Caleb's way until the bruise disappeared, but Caleb still murmured under his breath that every time he caught Steve's look, it was like getting the parent’s look when he was dating his kid.

But before they could continue their talk, Jason appeared with two plates, their starters. Jason carefully positioned each dish in front of them. Buck couldn't help but be impressed by how well his Hamachi Crudo with Lilikoi Yuzu Ponzu had been represented. The delicately thin slices of fresh yellowtail were artfully arranged, beautifully like elegant flower petals. Each piece is lightly dressed in a bright and tangy lilikoi-yuzu ponzu, balancing the rich, buttery texture of the Hamachi with tropical acidity. Garnished with vibrant micro shiso, subtly sweet, pickled Maui onions, and a finishing touch of Hawaiian black lava salt, the dish is both visually striking and harmoniously layered in flavour. Edible flowers sat at its heart of the presentation, adding colour and a delicate floral note to this refined island-inspired crudo.

Looking across at Caleb's starter, it looked just as gorgeous as his. Caleb's dish had four exquisite squares of crispy sushi rice that served as the foundation for a colourful ahi tartare topping. The chopped sashimi-grade tuna gleams beneath the candlelight thanks to the sesame oil coating. It was additionally seasoned with finely chopped green onions and crispy macadamia nuts. Each serving is elegantly garnished with a dollop of green wasabi tobiko and a small flake of edible gold leaf, which makes the dish glitter under candlelight. 

They both looked magnificent, and after a few seconds of utter surprise, they began eating. Buck couldn't remember the last time he had put something that exquisite in his mouth before. The entire dish was refreshing and light, with layers of diverse flavours that were complex but worked so well together. The Hamachi was delicate, with a buttery, creamy richness, while the lilikoi added a sweet, tart taste with tropical citrus undertones. The yuzu also helped bring a bright citrus flavour, adding a floral aromatic that he would say was more intense than using lemon or lime. The ponzu also helped with the citrus flavouring, but with a base of soy sauce to add an extra umami and salty-sour tang to the dish. As he took another bite of the Hamachi, he couldn’t help but savour each bite of it.

Buck was able to slow himself down from consuming the excellent food in front of him as quickly as he could by staring up at Caleb, who was biting into his own starter, but unlike his dish, he didn't have to worry about spilling half of it on his shirt. Instead of using a knife and fork, Caleb picked up each crispy rice square with his hands and slowly bit into it, trying not to create a mess.

Caleb must have felt his eyes on him as he slowly chewed his dinner, he wiped his hands with his napkin and reached over to pick up his wine glass without making it obvious. Taking a sip, he asked, breaking the silence that had fallen since their starter had arrived.  "So how did you end up working as a firefighter?"

Buck paused eating and set down his knife before picking up his own glass and taking a sip. He expected this would be one of the topics Caleb brought up, and to be honest, he was surprised it hadn't come up sooner. "I ended up helping someone after a car crash and was told by the captain that I would be a good firefighter if I wanted to, and the next day, I signed up for the academy," Buck explained.

He met that Captain again in the academy, and to his surprise, he'd remembered him. They had spoken for a long time, and the captain had mentioned that he would look out for him once he completed his training, but that hadn't been the case. Instead, Captain Nash discovered him. Looking back, Buck couldn't help but wonder what his life would be like if he hadn't gone to the 118. Maybe he'd still be in Los Angeles and with the department at another firehouse. But then again, he would never have met Athena, May, Harry, Michael and David, Carla, and, most importantly, Christopher.

"How was the training?" Caleb asked, taking another mouthful of his starter.

Buck smiled as he remembered what academy training was like. To be honest, he enjoyed every second of it. He had received top scores in all sections of the academy, with only a few points removed for small errors made during a test in which he had been too distracted by remembering that it was Freddie's death anniversary. And when his lecturer discovered the date (just saying that his brother's death anniversary had occurred on that day and nothing about the Navy), she offered to let him repeat the test so that he could get the highest in all areas, but he declined. He didn't care about achieving the highest score; he was just glad to pass everything. Sure, his Navy background helped with the physical aspects of the training, but he discovered that learning new things was what he enjoyed the most. He loved learning, which is why he enrolled in as many courses as possible to satisfy his insatiable hunger for information.

"It was pretty straightforward, met some good people, and it was nothing compared to BUDs," Buck added with a smile as he took another sip of his wine, his appetiser virtually finished. "It was a piece of cake compared to Hell Week," he continued with a brief smile.

Caleb participated in the laughter briefly before looking down and becoming overly focused on his now-empty plate. "Heard you broke a few records in the LAFD academy just like you did in BUDs." He added.

Buck felt himself stop slightly, the last piece of Hamachi halfway into his mouth. How could Caleb know that? Sure, he was at the top of his class and had broken several academy records, but he didn't brag about it and only mentioned it when someone brought it up with him. He remembered that while working with the 118 on a car accident scene, one of the crew members in his forties asked if he was the one who broke his academy record, laughing about how it was nice to see that at least someone else was as quick as he was back in the day.

Chimney overheard the discussion and began a rumour that he had clearly buttered up the teacher or was sleeping with her to get the best grade (which had to be investigated and proved false). Fortunately, the rumour was promptly dispelled before it spread throughout the department. Chimney had received a warning for spreading gossip about others, but Captain Nash had been able to shield him from any serious consequences.

The lecturer whom Chimney claimed he had been sleeping with had also filed a complaint against him. She was a veteran of the LAFD and married with four children; thus, the story caused strain on her marriage because she had been preaching Buck's praises at home. Thankfully, it was only with her mother-in-law, since her husband had heard his name in Navy circles and knew that he had dated a man, so he must have assumed he was gay, but had thankfully kept his mouth shut about both things and had assured his mother that he trusted his wife entirely.

He had never corrected him on the gay comment because it aided his argument. The lecturer ensured that Chimney's file received a black mark and that he publicly apologised to everyone involved. However, he never apologised to him. But he didn't expect him to. 

Buck said, "You were keeping track of me," and that was not a question. The idea of Caleb keeping track of him irritated him slightly; Caleb preferred to monitor him from behind a screen rather than approach him and explain everything.

"Of course," Caleb admitted, giving him a guilty look before returning his attention to the table. "I couldn't help myself, I just needed to see if you were ok." He admitted, his face turning a little pink as he said. "I also saw all those commendations that they put forward with your name. You were really good at your job, and it showed how talented you are."

Buck stiffened slightly at the mention of the commendations on his file. Any of them had been stopped or downplayed in Captain Nash's file. Thinking back on all of the crisp commendations that now sat in his file, he remembered that not one of them came from his own Captain. They had all come from different stations, and Captains had observed his work and wanted him to be recognised for being a talented firefighter.

Buck discovered the actual extent of Captain Nash's role in holding him back during his final meeting with HR and the Chief, following his resignatio,n which was held over Teams. Captain Nash had pretty much erased all of his commendations and the new qualifications he had gotten. They had discussed everything thoroughly, and the head of the HR department had stated that his file was a tangled web of errors, things erased or removed. Qualifications were out of date since Captain Nash had not turned over his new credentials to update them, although claiming to have done so. In addition to rejecting or denying any commendations or awards that were coming his way. As if he were nothing.

It's no surprise that the department considered him a liability. He had reviewed his old file before the department began to modify it, and Captain Nash had made him appear like a low-level heavy rescue firefighter with no education or skills other than his heavy rescue training. Instead of a well-trained university graduate, with multiple papers to his name, and a well-trained fireman and rescue professional. The sole reason the other Captains knew about his skills was because they knew someone on the course or at the academy who knew about his training. They had never looked up his file, so perhaps things would have come to light much sooner.

But considering how Caleb was aware of all the times he had put himself in danger in the field, it is reasonable to conclude that he was also aware of the bombing. He hated those memories; thankfully, he didn't have many of them due to the concussion caused by the blast, but the memories he could recall were a combination of searing hot pain from his bones being crushed and cold shock from the rest of his body, placing those memories near the top five of his worst.

"You know about the bombing?" Buck asked timidly but did not really want to know the answer. But he imagined Caleb knew; who didn't? He'd received texts from all of his brothers, asking if he was okay and if he needed anything. Steve had threatened to come to Los Angeles to be with him, but he had told him that he was well looked after by his family and not to bother. Now he regretted he hadn't asked Steve to come. However, at the moment, he believed that the 118 was his new family and they would be there for him.

Caleb sighed, and Buck noticed a flash of agony, sorrow, and dread cross Caleb's face before he said, "I saw the live footage." Caleb whispered. Buck couldn't help but put his fork down on his empty plate and reach across, grabbing Caleb's hand, as he noticed Caleb begin to shiver slightly as adrenaline struck his system. He had seen this previously with Caleb, when he remembered or relived a memory, and understood that the only way to console him was by physical contact that Caleb could rely on.

"I was leaving a meeting with Admiral Bates, and when I reached the office, the Petty Officer had it on TV," Caleb admitted, his voice shaking slightly as he went on. "At first, I thought that it couldn't possibly be you," Caleb said with a dry chuckle, "given how big LA is, it was a very small chance that you were the poor firefighter caught underneath that fire engine." He proceeded. Buck could see that Caleb was gradually losing control as his emotions seemed to burst outwards, and he felt Caleb's hand over his like a lifeline.

"And then I saw you underneath that thing, and all I could think about was that you were lying there out there alone." Caleb said, "I wanted to run to you, get on the next flight and be by your side…" Caleb paused, and Buck could see that Caleb's internal conflict was becoming more difficult to overcome, like speaking the words that he had deep down was only making things worse.

He wanted to tell Caleb to stop and that they would talk about it later, but a small part of him wanted to know why Caleb had stayed away. If he had seen the footage, why hadn't he contacted him? But he didn't need to ask because Caleb kept speaking.

"But then I remembered that I was the one who screwed everything up, and you properly didn't want to speak to me, nor at least see me." Caleb finished.

They fell silent for a few moments while Buck processed this knowledge. Caleb, like all of his brothers, wanted to be there for him, to stand by his side and help him cope with the pain of being crushed by the engine and the lengthy rehabilitation that followed. During his recovery, he had occasionally wanted to reach for his phone to call or message one of his brothers, seeking guidance or help, but he had stopped himself each time. He didn't want to bother them.

Instead, he attempted to do it alone. He had attempted to get on with things, but wished he had some help. Sure, Maddie and Captain Nash helped him get to appointments at first, but after they crossed a line, that stopped. Maddie attended meetings with his surgeon, who went over the surgery he had and preparations for future surgeries if he did not heal properly. Captain Nash attended his first consultation with his physiotherapist, which included his recovery program schedule.

However, he wished they had only dropped him off or stayed outside because they had taken over the appointment from the start. Maddie had demanded to know everything about the procedure, including voicing what she wanted to happen. She had practically planned out the entire surgical and recovery process without asking him once about what he wanted or what the doctor thought needed to happen. Buck wanted to tell her to shut up and let him speak, but he didn't have the nerve. She was essentially running the meeting, not allowing anyone else to talk.

Maddie's phone went off halfway through the meeting, which was a relief for everyone. She immediately exited the room, telling them she'd be returning after the call. Buck and the poor surgeon, who appeared relieved that she had left, exchanged sighs. Buck felt like a small child, with their overbearing mother taking control of the talk and not allowing them to speak. With Maddie gone, he was able to question the surgeon for all the information he needed.

With her gone, Buck got a chance to understand everything that had happened during his surgeries. He had told the doctor that he was merely thankful when he awoke to find his limb still attached. The surgeon smiled and told him that because of his profession, he would not allow another surgeon to take his leg if he was able to save it. But then the surgeon went silent and stated, gazing at the door, that Maddie had told him not to bother trying to save the leg. That she had informed them that she refused to submit to a lengthy and unnecessary anaesthesia to salvage a leg that was clearly in need of removal. She had stated it so nonchalantly that it was evident she thought she knew more than his doctors, and he was grateful they had not listened to her.

The surgeon explained that when he came to the hospital, he was still awake but had been given painkillers. He was conscious enough to speak with the surgeon before being pushed to the operating room. Buck apparently told the surgeon to do whatever it took to save his leg. That he couldn't lose it. And they had accepted his comments as law, fully disregarding Maddie's opinions. Something he was very grateful for.

The rest of the appointment went smoothly, and Maddie thankfully never returned. The surgeon discussed the possibility of removing the plates and screws later, depending on his body's ability to heal. They discussed recovery time and what options he had if his body did not heal as expected. The surgeon also stated that if everything went as planned, he expected him to recover completely and return to work in no time. However, the surgeon added that he had encountered people like Maddie before and advised him to choose someone else as his power of attorney, who could make better judgments for him and understand what he wanted. He'd seen individuals make decisions for others because that's what they wanted, and it got ugly. 

When they left the appointment, Buck discovered Maddie still on the phone, arguing with someone, which immediately ended when she noticed that he was there. Maddie's furious expression when the surgeon appeared to call on his next patient, and how he had not waited for her as she demanded. Before they got to her car, she started ranting about how she should make a complaint about the disrespect he showed her by failing to obey her directions. After about five minutes of listening to her tirade, he was able to cut her off. He explained that the surgeon had wanted to speak with him versus her. And how, if this was how she was going to act, he might need to find someone else to speak up for his health.

Buck knew that he shouldn’t have snapped at her and immediately regretted it, but only because he knew that to get back at him, she wouldn’t yell at him, as she knew that wouldn’t work. Instead, she went silent. She always did this whenever he stood up for himself, as she knew how to use the one thing that he hated, silence. Their parents always gave him the silent treatment and knew that he hated it. However, thankfully, he never had to deal with Maddie’s control over his appointments after that because she refused to attend them.

After he finished snapping at her about how she had tried to control his appointment when she had no option in his choices as he was an adult, she didn't speak with him the entire car ride back to his apartment and merely dumped him off at the loft before driving away. She just left him on the curb without a second glance. He had tried to message her afterwards, asking her if she had gotten home like she normally did. However, Maddie refused to speak to him at all, leaving all his messages on read and declining his calls.

The silence lasted a week until it got too much for him, and then he did the only thing that would break the silence: he apologised. Buck knew that he shouldn’t do it; he wasn’t wrong in defending himself, but it was the only thing that he knew would make her break the silence and contact him again. Even though she had hurt him, he missed his sister; even though she was not always friendly toward him, she still was the only family he had left that somewhat cared for him. Fortunately, even though she began talking to him again, she never attended another appointment, which everyone was happy about.

And his appointment with Captain Nash was equally bad. He kept interrupting the physiotherapist as they explained his rehabilitation and PT plans, which had been approved by his surgeon. Nash disrupted the poor physiotherapist several times when they discussed an activity, they wanted him to undertake, claiming it was too risky or that he wasn't ready for it yet. Buck recognised that it should have been a warning sign of what was to come, but at the time, he was happy to have a father figure in his life who wanted to be involved.

Now that sounded so silly, knowing what he knew now.

"So you stayed away?" Buck asked timidly, beginning to brush Caleb's hand. Not to console Caleb, but for himself. He wished Caleb had not stayed away. It was horrible to spend those days alone in that hospital bed. He knew that the 118 all had lives and families to care for, but he had woken up alone several times after the doctors cleared him of danger.

Caleb murmured, "No..." and their gazes connected. Caleb sighed and continued, "I got on the next flight to LA." Caleb admitted.

"You were there?" Buck enquired, surprised. He couldn't believe what he was hearing; Caleb had arrived in Los Angeles. Come for him. But then why hadn't he seen him? Buck tried to recall all of the times he woke up to check whether he had seen anyone in his room while he believed he was alone. He remembered the nurses coming in to check on him; they were nice enough, but he also remembered the pity looks they gave him when they saw him alone.

They knew before he did that his so call family had left him alone.  He had been defending them whenever someone asked if any family was coming, even though he had no idea why they weren't with him. But now that he knew Caleb was there, no one had asked him about the mysterious man who was there for him; the nurses never mentioned him or talked about him. Did that imply Caleb never came to see him, but was in the hospital?

But before he could ask, Jason appeared and collected their empty plates, prompting them to break apart. Jason clearly realised he had walked into something he shouldn't have, but they couldn't blame the young man. He was simply doing his job. Jason quickly promised them that he would return with their mains as soon as possible and quickly left, closing the door behind him. Buck picked up his wine glass and took a long drink, watching Caleb carefully. He had seen Caleb’s worried expression and knew that he clearly had more to say.

Cleab cleared his throat and continued, "I made it to your room more times than I could count, but at first, I couldn't make myself go in and see you." Caleb confessed, and then, as if recalling something, he began to laugh, "The security at that hospital is really shocking if you ask me. I made it in and out without being seen or stopped.”

Buck couldn't help but laugh as well. Security in the hospital had been very awful; he remembered that after an ugly disagreement with Maddie during his time there, he had asked the hospital not to let her into his room for a while so he could sort his head out after she had kicked off with him when he had agreed to try some experimental procedure to make his chances of recovery improve even more than without it without asking her if it was ok. He remembered seeing the nurse who had come in to tell her to lower her voice, roll her eyes when Maddie acted like she couldn’t see her. After Maddie finally left but the look on her face when she did told Buck that she wasn’t finished with this conversation. He wanted some peace, so he had asked the nurse to inform security not to let her in.

The next day, Maddie had stormed into his room, shouting at him for being naïve he was being and how he had to start listening to her instead of thinking he knew what was for the best. Not caring how loud she was being. When his headaches started to become a migraine, Buck hit the call button and asked the poor nurse who stuck her head in to get security, as he wanted Maddie to leave. That, however, only caused him even more headaches as Maddie’s rant turned from him being childish for not listening to her to how clearly he couldn’t throw his own sister out of his room, as he clearly needed someone to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid. Before throwing herself down onto a chair and starting to pull up some legal papers on her phone, telling him how she will get them printed, and he had better sign whatever she gives him as clearly, he cannot make his own decisions.

Twenty minutes he had to listen to Maddie’s rant, and security never arrived. However, the ward sister, who was a fiery woman in her fifties, stormed in and ordered Maddie out. Telling her that she didn’t care if she was the Queen of England, she would not allow anyone to speak to and disturb one of her patients. Maddie had left in a huff, shouting about how she would but a complaint about her and how she would lose her job. After she had left, Buck felt like kissing the nurse and had even told her that. The woman simply smiled and chuckled, telling him that she was just doing her job and if she came back, then she was sure as hell ready for another round.

But now that he was remembering Maddie’s threats, Buck couldn’t help but think about what Maddie would do if she found him. Would she drag him back to L.A.? Would she force him to hand up everything he owned to her and stay with her for the rest of his life?

Imagining himself trapped in a cage again, even under his sister’s rule, made him want to be physically sick. He would rather eat a bullet or swim out to sea than let himself be trapped in that nightmare. Buck mentally kicked himself for not recognising the warning signs early and how he had never called Maddie's domineering behaviour before. He had only seen her as a loving older sister and wouldn't let anyone say anything against her. But maybe that was why this had happened; he had never told Maddie no before.

Buck realised he was falling down a deep rabbit hole of concern, which thankfully Caleb was able to interrupt as he continued to talk as if he hadn't seen the internal struggle he was experiencing. Buck was happy with this. He never wanted to offend Caleb, especially when he was so open with him by not listening with him.

"I finally mustered up enough courage to walk into your room," Caleb revealed. "You had just been brought in from another one of your procedures, and I heard some of the nurses talking about how you didn't have anyone staying with you. I couldn't leave you, so I stayed with you." Caleb concluded with a sigh, as if he had been holding his breath to get the words out.

The comment about the nurses hit Buck more than he wanted; he had defended his family so much to them, but they could obviously see the writing on the wall that he had refused to read. Those words were now shouting at him, like alarm bells crashing in his skull. When he came to Hawaii, he vowed to himself that he would never defend them again. But keeping that pledge had been hard, and he had found himself defending their previous conduct without realising it, which he was working on with Doctor Copeland and had made some progress.

"I would stay when you were asleep and duck into the bathroom whenever the nurses came in to check on you or at night would hide in the dark corners of the room until they left by moving one of the chairs that sat in the corner and since they didn’t turn the lights on to not wake you, they didn’t see me." Caleb explained, quivering in his voice, "I just didn't want you to be alone."

"Why didn't you stay?" Buck enquired gently. God, he wished Caleb had stayed with him. Sure, when the drugs wore off and he regained his bearings, he would have demanded answers from Caleb about what happened all those years ago. Knowing that Caleb had stayed with him, stayed by his bedside, and watched as he slept gave him comfort, knowing that at least he had one person watching his back. He couldn't understand why Caleb had continued to hide from him when they plainly had something pulling them together.

"I wanted to," Caleb began, shrugging his shoulders before continuing, "but then I realised that I didn't want our first talk to be with you high on painkillers and recovering from getting blown up. That would be unfair to you."

"Thank you," Buck said after a few minutes of silence after Caleb finished. However, his head was spinning. He couldn't believe Caleb had come for him, even after being apart for so long, but still respected him enough to remain hidden to ensure that he didn't take advantage of his drugged state.

But then he remembered what Caleb had said; he told him that he had been keeping an eye on him from afar. Caleb had seen his success in the department, but that also meant that he was aware of the lawsuit. "You know about the lawsuit?" He asked anxiously.

Thinking about the lawsuit, Buck felt ashamed by the whole incident. He hated himself for filing the damn thing and hurting those he saw as family. But after speaking at length to Doctor Copeland and Steve, he finally started to believe that maybe he wasn't completely in the wrong, feeling that he had been ignored. Eddie, Maddie, Chimney and Hen all supported Captain Nash without listening to his side of the argument and why he had filed the lawsuit. They didn’t care what he had to say; he was the problem, not what Captain Nash did. Sure, Hen hadn’t completely sided with Captain Nash, but she hadn’t supported him either. She just remained neutral. Buck knew that Maddie had her own agenda and clearly loved finishing someone who was on her side, who could control him in ways she couldn't and was dragging Chimney into her mess. He had become her spy in the station, and that hadn’t changed one bit.

However, thinking things over and speaking to his normal lawyer (who was a little hurt that he hadn’t come to him with it), who told him that with all the information he had given him, he had done the right thing in filing the lawsuit. Hell, when he had found out that Captain Nash had been the one holding him back, he had gone to the department and some to someone about what his Captain was doing but was told (probably due to his poor uncomplete file) that they believed Captain Nash’s evaluation on him and if he had a problem with it then he needed to speak to his Captain. They needed a wake-up call, and suing them provided it. Sure, Mackey was a snake, but he was very good at his job in making the department listen to him.

"Yeah," Caleb answered, nodding. "I also know about your PE and that you were caught up in the tsunami." Caleb continued, and Buck's face turned scarlet with humiliation. But then he noted that in Caleb’s voice, he was proud rather than worried or furious, as he had come to expect when certain topics were brought up. "I am just surprised that you weren't honoured more after everything you did for all those you saved." He added.

Buck felt his face redden slightly. "I didn't do anything honourable; I just helped out a little."

 Caleb scoffed and shook his head: "You saved more people than any rescue teams." He argued. "You did all of that while alone and bleeding due to those blood thinners." He added.

"How do you know that?" Buck was taken aback, pondering how Caleb knew that. How did Caleb know he had a pulmonary embolism or had been caught in the tsunami? He couldn't recollect any reports with his name on them about either thing, and he hadn't reported how many people he had saved since he couldn't remember. He had just tried to save as many people as possible while keeping Chris safe, but he had almost lost him in the process. He thought that his actions of trying to save others killed the small boy he regarded as his own. It wasn't until Eddie came to him and told him that he entirely trusted him with Chris that he realised he might have found his forever family.

But, thinking back to that special moment, he couldn’t help but call himself stupid. Eddie had said what he knew would make him comply with what he wanted him to do. Had he just uttered those phrases simply because he needed a babysitter? Did he really trust him, or did he simply need his free labour and know that if he used the right words, he could manipulate him into agreeing to whatever he needed?

Just as Maddie did. Whenever they had a fight or an argument, she would turn it all on him, making him feel like the bad guy and demand an apology, which he gave simply because he wanted peace. Had Maddie told Eddie how to get him to do what he wanted, or had he learnt it on his own? Or was he so needy that he would jump at any opportunity to be needed again?

"I saw the reports that were published on the whole thing," Caleb stated. "You seem to forget that you still technically belong to the Navy, and so any injury or incidents you are involved with are added to your file," Caleb explained with a shrug. "Even though you have retired, as a Navy SEAL with your skills, you are still seen as a great asset to them, and so they keep track of you."

Buck shook his head slightly at the comment; he had personally informed the Navy of some of his injuries after being asked to go to Eglin Air Force Base in Florida to train some new EOD techs, but he had to decline since they had asked just after the bombing, and even though he was well into his recovery and was too focused on his recovery.

Now he wished he had. Instead, he gave his own lesson plan to the instructor (who was someone he trained with) so that they could use his knowledge to train the new class, as well as going on a video call with them during one of the classes he knew he needed to teach. He had done so from his apartment while Chris was watching a movie after telling him that he had an important secret meeting that he needed to keep quiet about, and Chris had kept that secret like a superstar.

Buck had no idea that the Navy was still keeping an eye on him after all this time. Sure, he remembered the paperwork he had signed when he retired and was aware that he may be recalled if his service was required, and during his happy moments in LA, he hoped he would never receive that call. But during the difficult moments, he wished nothing more than to receive that call or letter so that he might feel wanted again and get out of the topic environment.

"I did what anyone else would do," Buck insisted. He had not done anything special; he had merely done what any other person would have done. He never sought awards or recognition for any of it. He was just doing his job and wasn't interested in his name in the news or paraded in front of others like a show pony.

"You were amazing, Ev; the things you did showed everyone how skilled you are," Caleb responded with a light smile, letting Buck know that he remembered how much he hated attention from command due to his skills, but didn’t mind it coming from people whom he trusted and knew that they meant what they said. Perhaps this was linked to his childhood experience of being invisible, or perhaps it was during a period when don't ask, don't tell still existed in the armed forces.

They fell silent again as Buck took in Caleb's compliment, which was only broken by Caleb chuckling as he took a sip of his drink. Buck must have given him a puzzled look as Caleb grinned broadly as he explained, "You know, there is a website that was created after the tsunami for victims and rescuers to tell their stories in the hopes that they would be able to meet each other again, as well as provide updates on the rebuilding process." Caleb explained.

Buck didn't believe what he was hearing. He had no idea of the website, but he thought it was an excellent idea. He had spoken with a few other first responders, who had mentioned that they wished they had a way to check up on some of the people they helped but had not gotten their full names. According to Caleb, the website had grown into its own community. A place where people may express their feelings to those who understood them.

But before he could say anything, Caleb added, "and I saw its most recent article about an art show by some famous artist who supposedly got caught up in the wave."

Buck couldn't help but smile at the comment as he picked up his wine glass, unable to wipe the grin off his face. "Really?" He asked as he sipped.

Caleb had come up with his initial name for his work; he worried about his name getting out and compromising his brothers' lives as he worked both as a Navy SEAL and a renowned artist. He also didn't want his biological parents or Maddie to find out how much he was worth, as he knew they'd start circling like vultures waiting for his money if they found out that he was successful. They had been talking in bed after a good night together when Buck told him about how much interest his paintings had gotten as an unknown artist after he had placed a couple online anonymously, and how he wanted to sell his work but couldn't use his real name. Caleb had pulled him onto his chest and suggested using initials or a codeword instead of a name.

On that night, E.C.G. was born.

Caleb had cried when he saw it signed on the second canvas he had completed as only, as he knew the real meaning of the initials. But Buck had a feeling that his brothers all knew the meaning, as it wasn’t that hard to work out if they knew both Caleb and him. And thanks to Mr Sanderford, he had become renowned in only a few months, with a net worth of millions. But only his brothers and some of their families knew who he was, with a promise that they would keep his identity secret.

"You raised some serious money for those people, Ev, you did some real good there," Caleb spoke softly.

Buck smiled as he thought about how many families, he had helped by putting on that show. He started the collection as a way to express all the emotions that he had been carrying around and needed an escape. He had never told anyone other than Doctor Copeland about how he felt during the tsunami. No one had bothered to ask how he was or if he needed anything. He knew that Eddie had been focusing on Christopher, which he didn't blame him for, as that little boy had gone through so much, but it was like he was forgotten about as everyone else moved on.

He'd told her about his pain and anger at himself for going to save others who had been caught up in the wave, as he had left Chris alone, which had caused him to be swept away from the safety of the fire engine. Buck had told her how he hated himself for putting himself in that danger when it had been his job to keep him safe. Doctor Copeland had planted the seeds in him that he had taken Chris to the pier for a day of joy, and that they had been caught up in a natural disaster. He had no control over a natural phenomenon. So, how is this his fault?

"I'm just glad people still like my work," Buck said. He worried that his name had diminished to the point that his art would no longer sell for what it once did. He had been out of the art world for so long that he was concerned that he wouldn't be able to sell his work for the same amount as his older pieces. When he received notice that his show was taking place, he worried that he would not be able to raise enough money for the tsunami victims, so he promised to donate money in addition to selling the work because he did not want those people to lose out because he chose to walk away from his artwork.

"Like your work…" Caleb laughed and shook his head at the comment. "Evan, you do realise that whenever your original copies go on the market, they start a bidding war?" Caleb chuckled.

Buck couldn't help but chuckle with Caleb, knowing that Caleb was telling the truth. He was notified anytime one of his pieces became available for sale. And, according to Mr Sanderford, the auction was chaotic, with people trying the outbid each other. Leading the price up and up. "Mr Sanderford told me that," He laughed as he took another sip of his wine, "he hates having to go and confirm a copy as he says its mayhem,"

Caleb laughed, "How is the old Mr Englishman?" he asked.

Buck smiled back; Caleb's nickname for Mr Sanderford had been a running joke. Caleb liked the man and nicknamed him Mr Englishman as he was the first non-military Englishman he had ever met. The two men got along well, joking and laughing about things they found humorous about Americans (even though Caleb was American, he always claimed to be fifty per cent American during those chats because he held dual citizenship with Mexico through his family) and their funny customs.

"He's good," Buck answered, smiling, knowing that Mr Sanderford had missed conversing with Caleb. If left to their own devices, the two men could talk for hours. "Still at it even though I told him he could retire whenever he wanted, but he says he likes to keep busy." Buck finished.

"He's a good man," Caleb explained.

But before their talk could continue, Jason appeared with another hostess, a young Chinese girl named Mia, carrying their mains and side dishes. Jason went through each dish before leaving it after refilling their glasses again. The cabin was now filled with the delicious aroma of their dinner, and Buck's mouth began to water as he gazed down at his own plate.

On his jet-black plate was a crispy-seared Kampachi fillet on a silky Thai green curry beurre blanc, served with a golden jasmine rice cake and char-grilled baby bok cabbage. Finish with fragrant kaffir lime zest for a bright, aromatic boost. A refined combination of powerful flavour, crisp texture, and exquisite presentation. Along with it, a small, handcrafted Asian-style dish held a colourful mango-chilli slaw—thin strips of ripe mango blended with crisp veggies, fragrant herbs, and a fiery chilli-lime sauce. The bowl's handmade texture contrasts nicely with the slaw's vibrant colours and powerful, tangy-sweet heat.

Caleb's plate was a cream circular plate that held a sumptuous Wagyu striploin is perfectly grilled and coated with kabayaki, before lying over a smooth truffle edamame purée. It's topped with a vivid wasabi-macadamia pesto and served with delicate, charred Maui onions—an amazing combination of richness, umami, and mild fire. For his side dish, he received a small, handcrafted Asian bowl filled with soft heirloom carrots coated in a rich, sweet soy sauce. The vivid carrots, which have been roasted to enhance their natural sweetness, are finished with a glossy sheen and subtle umami depth before nestling in the bowl's earthy ceramic texture.

They both took a sip of their fresh, cold wine before diving into their main courses. Buck cut into the seared filet and as he placed it into his mouth, tasting the clean buttery fish that had a caramelised crust that held the Thai green curry beurre blanc perfectly. The beurre blanc was buttery and rich, and when combined with the Thai Green curry's spicy and citrus undertones, it elevated everything to a new level.

The rice cakes gave the fish a nutty flavour, while the grilled baby bok choy and kaffir lime zest added a mild bitter and sharp flavour to the overall dish. When he placed some of the mango-chilli slaw on his fork, it imparted both sweetness and fire to the entire dish. The slaw provided the necessary freshness and crunch.

They proceeded to dine in silence, simply enjoying their meal. Occasionally, they sipped their wine. They were halfway through their meal when Caleb broke the silence. "Are you working on anything new?" he enquired.

Buck knew what he was talking about and couldn't help but smile at his question. Caleb always liked sitting back and watching him paint. In his early work, while sitting with Caleb, Buck had found himself adding little details that were based on him to show his love for him. In fact, he had completed a full collection that was entirely based on Caleb. Bleeding his emotions and love that he had for the other man in a way he knew how. He had never added any features that would link them back to him as he needed to keep him safe, but he could point out each bit if asked.

In his studio, in the large cabinet, he kept two A3 sketch books containing all of his secret sketches of Caleb, which he would never show Caleb unless he told him they existed. The sketchbooks held hundreds of portraits of Caleb that he discreetly drew during their time together. However, there were a few pieces that had taken him hours to finish. They were his private sketches. One was an image of Caleb sleeping in bed, his mouth slightly open, snoring, and his hair lying lazily on his head.

He sketched it in their hotel room in New York. Buck had awoken early, and as he watched Caleb sleep, he felt himself fall in love with him even more. He had left their bed and walked to one of the couches in the room, putting on some boxers as he went, and started sketching so that he could capture the beautiful image in front of him. While he traced the sheet that lay across Caleb's body, he found himself drawn to Caleb's stunning chest, which bore only a few scars from their missions. He felt his face flush as he sketched, but he did not stop.

As he sketched, Buck found himself loving Caleb even more and loved how peaceful and calm Caleb was in their hotel room. This was their escape. As he continued to sketch, Buck couldn't help but think how similar Caleb was to Michelangelo’s David. Caleb never liked showing off his body, but every time he was somewhat naked-ish, Buck couldn't help but stare. Caleb had always been built like a Greek god, and he felt so lucky that Caleb wanted to be with him. Buck had never seen himself as good-looking, not with his large birthmark over his eye, but with Caleb, he felt seen. And never once did Caleb's eye wander.

He finished it before Caleb woke up, but he hadn't shown Caleb his sketch as he had wanted to keep it to himself. However, he had a sense that Caleb was aware that he had some sketches of him, as he had failed to conceal the pencil smudges on his hands and cheeks. But he never questioned him about it. Instead, he respected him enough to understand that he would show him when he was ready.

"Yeah," Buck coughed, feeling his face flush as he remembered that he had started to sketch Caleb again.  He cleared his throat and took a sip of his wine before continuing, "I started another collection of abstract pieces, but I've sort of stopped that and started painting some landscapes again."

Buck had, for whatever reason, turned away from his more abstract pieces; instead, he returned to painting landscape paintings that he had painted before. One of his favourites was a large painting depicting a dramatic coastline landscape with strong brushstrokes of paint and a rich colour palette. It was of a stormy cliff towering over a grey, turbulent ocean, with a brilliant sky rich in crimson, orange, and violet. He knew the picture predicted a storm, but that's how he felt when he painted it.

He usually painted scenes that mirrored his feelings, and this was for two reasons. One to keep the time he visited the locations, like if there was some odd weather, no one could track him down. And second, he wanted to express his emotions in a way that was meaningful to him by using nature as his escape. He enjoyed painting landscapes that had not been touched by humans, as he admired how wild and untamed nature could be if left alone. Of course, Buck respected Mother Nature and could see the rage she could inflict on people, but he couldn't help but feel at ease whenever he was surrounded by it.

"They were always my favourite," Caleb replied, biting into one of the carrots. Buck realised he was only half right; Caleb loved his landscapes, but he preferred the small, fine art sketches that he had also published. They had framed a handful of them throughout their apartment when they moved in together. One of them was a little drawing of a seashell they had discovered while in Florida. He had picked up a horse conch shell on one of their trips and had loved drawing it from different angles.

Buck couldn't help but smile at Caleb's remark. He always trusted Caleb with his work, as he was the only one who would ever tell him what was wrong with a piece or how to improve it. Even if it was just urging him to try another shade of blue or green. Buck couldn't help but wonder whether he had simply lost interest in painting when Caleb departed because he didn't have that one individual who would express themselves without regard for his feelings. Sure, he enjoyed the work he published while travelling across the country, but it was hardly his best work. Not in his head.

They went back to eating, but then a thought occurred in Buck's mind. They had discussed a lot about what he did after leaving the Navy, but he had not asked Caleb much about what he did once the operation in Mexico finished. He knew he was still in the Navy and worked in intelligence, but that was it.

"So what did you get up to after the op was finished?" Buck asked as he took another piece of his dinner.

Caleb sighed as he took another sip of his drink; clearly, Caleb knew that this conversation was going to happen, but he did not want to. "I'm working at Naval Intelligence at the moment," Caleb told him, "working on creating target packets for the teams and working on threat assessments."

"You're behind a desk?" Buck asked, surprised. Caleb hated desk work. He had seen Caleb complain loudly again and again when they were stuck on base completing their paperwork, and how he would rather do anything else than work in an office, even saying he would volunteer to work with the recruiters (who he swore he would never do) if it meant he never had to work behind a desk again.

Caleb couldn't help but chuckle: "Yeah, I know." He said as he took another bite of his food.  He shrugged his shoulders and said, "But I kind of like it." He admits. But then he sighed and closed his eyes, showing that he was trying to suppress his emotions: "I didn't want to join another team. Not without you and the others. It didn't feel right." He admitted, and Buck understood what he was saying. He had no desire to work on any other team besides the brotherhood they had created. Of course, they had collaborated with others, but running completely with another team full-time was not something he was interested in.

"But I've enjoyed what I've been doing," Caleb admitted. "I can guarantee that the target packages I delivered to the teams are as good as they can be. I double-check intel before submitting it to Command to avoid dumb mistakes. So far, none of the teams I've sent out have gotten into too much difficulty." Caleb smiled as he reflected on all of his efforts to secure their brothers' safety.

Yet, Buck noticed that the sentence concerning his job appeared to be in the past tense; could this imply that Caleb was no longer working for Navy Intelligence? Was he considering doing anything else? Was he planning to leave the island for a new job? The notion of Caleb departing again cut deep; he had just got him back. He knew that he was being selfish; Caleb had his own life, and he couldn't keep him back just because he didn't want to lose him.

Caleb was clearly doing well in Navy Intelligence, which opened up a lot of opportunities for him. Caleb clearly was moving up in the world, and if he left the Navy, private security organisations or contractors would be after him the second they got wind of him leaving. He could go anywhere and get paid whatever he wanted. Buck couldn't hold him back from that, no matter how much it pained him to see him leave.

"You are still working there, right?" Buck asked. "Or have you been thinking about doing something else?"

Caleb must have noticed the fear in his voice: "Don't worry, I still work for Uncle Sam." He said, taking a piece of his Wagyu into his mouth and smiling, "But I'm thinking about retiring soon. Retiring to a peaceful place and living off my pension while taking on minor jobs, just enough to keep a good little pot just in case." Caleb explained.

Buck couldn't help but smile as he said those words; that was their retirement plan. They planned to retire, get married, have an incredible global honeymoon, and then retire somewhere tranquil, away from the hustle and bustle of cities, to enjoy their time together. They had even planned out everything they wanted to accomplish together. They had even discussed having kids. Not how many or how they would get them, but where they were going to raise them.

"Like we planned," he murmured, recalling the future they should've had if Caleb hadn't left.

"Yer…" Caleb remarked quietly, and Buck could see the pain in his face as he reflected on all of the plans they had made together. Caleb sighed before taking a sip of his drink and saying, "I know I have to work on myself, hell, I'm not stupid."

Caleb chuckled dryly, "I know I have post-traumatic stress disorder and possibly additional issues, but I'm working on it. I need to focus on myself, so I'm thinking about submitting my papers shortly, which is what my meeting was about. I am now using my vacation time to stay here until I can work out with them how I will spend the remainder of my service." He added.

Buck felt himself freeze and hold his breath, so he went for his wine glass once more to try and hide his shock. "So you have to go back?" He asked, afraid of Caleb's response to his question.

Caleb could see the fear in his face and words, so he sent him a comforting smile. "Not yet," Caleb responded with determination. "Joe is trying to get me stationed here for the rest of my service, if that is ok with you?" He asked clearly, unsure whether he wanted him to stay.

Buck almost disregarded the question due to his perplexity and fear. Of course, he wanted Caleb here; how else were they going to straighten things out? Buck knew that they may only be friends, but to be honest, he didn't know if he'd ever be able to let go of all his feelings for Caleb. Caleb and he had too much history together to simply dismiss it; he was trying to do that with everyone in LA who had hurt him (which had been bloody hard, but their relationship had only been for the past few years, so they didn’t have the in-depth relationship he had with Caleb).  With Caleb, they had been brothers, later lovers, and finally soulmates. So he still had a lot of emotions to unpack before he could work out what they both wanted from their relationship.

"Of course, I want you here," Buck stated, shaking his head slightly. Hadn't Caleb noticed that he wouldn't ever kick Caleb out just because of their history? Sure, they needed to talk more about what had happened all those years ago and how to move on while honouring the past, but not being dominated by it.

"Ok," Caleb said, nodding, and Buck noticed the soft smile on Caleb's lips. "Then I need to start looking for apartments," he continued, and Buck found himself smiling as he watched Caleb's concentrated expression when he began building a list inside his head. "The Navy have a few apartments available, so I will email them on Monday," he disclosed.

"Good," Buck remarked, nodding his head. "And don't forget, the boys are coming this weekend," Buck said. Buck couldn't wait for the weekend when all of his brothers would be together (luckily, under his roof) to catch up and enjoy each other's company. Carl had promised to bring his mother's famous streak rub (which Buck desperately wanted the recipe for), and Callum said he'd bring some of his kids' board games, but was cautioned not to because the previous board game nights resulted in a brawl or the board being thrown out the window.

"It's going to be great to be all together again," Buck said, smiling as he considered the plans he'd need to make to ensure that everyone felt welcome. He knew Callum would be staying in his downstairs bedroom, while Carl would be in one of the spare rooms upstairs with Alec, where he had brought a comfortable pull-out couch, so they would have to argue over who gets the bed when the idea was first pitched. It fit into the space nicely and was nothing like the pull-out couches he'd seen before. And of course, Steve would have the second spare room. Caleb had the option of another pull-out couch in the sunroom that he had brought to create more seating in the room, or the couch in the living room that was large and comfortable enough to sleep on. However, in the back of his head, Buck really wanted Caleb in his room and in his bed. But he couldn't do that to himself or Caleb for humorous reasons. But the need to have Caleb in his bed wasn't just because of the love that he still felt for Caleb. It was to make sure that the other man was still there in the morning.

But as Buck continued to speak, he noticed something that didn't make sense; Caleb was nervous and worried. Which made no sense since they were their brothers. But suddenly it hit him, Buck could not help but want to slap himself. Caleb didn't just abandon him; he abandoned the brotherhood.

Carl was undoubtedly angry as he had been the closest to Caleb as he was his spotter. Their friendship had been tight. They spent a lot of time together up high, observing them when necessary. This made Carl even more dangerous while he was using his scope as Carl and Caleb basically became one when they were up there working together.

"Are you ok?" Buck enquired as he observed Caleb chewing his food for an unnecessary amount of time.

Caleb paused mid-chew and gulped his mouthful down before reaching over to take a sip of his wine and saying, "I'm just worried about what they're going to say to me." He admits.

Buck understood where the worry was coming from. He realised that during they get together for the first hour or two, they'd need to sit down and talk about what happened and how it affected each of them. Which was going to be extremely challenging given how well-known Seals were for not talking about their emotions. Buck knew that they needed to talk everything out. He had learnt a lot from Doctor Copeland and others who openly said that expressing their emotions can help them move forward. But the tricky aspect was that in the Navy Seals, emotions could get them killed, and they were always told not to let those emotions control them and to keep them buried. However, Buck was well aware that such training was one of the causes contributing to the long-standing epidemic of veteran suicides. 

Before Buck could speak to reminded Caleb was reminded that, while they were unhappy with him for what he had done, they still cared about him. They had never publicly told Caleb in the group chat that they were still angry with him; certainly, they told him that they were unhappy that he had risked himself in such a way that they weren't able to help him if things went wrong. And how Caleb had effectively cut them all off without a word.  Nevertheless, that was why they needed to have this conversation face-to-face.

"I am just worried about what they are going to say to me," Caleb said as he began to push the last piece of streak about his plate, scooping up the truffle edamame purée.

"I know I hurt them, not as much as I hurt you," Caleb said before going on: "My therapist Thomas and I have been talking a lot about this, and since they are coming here to the island, I was wondering…" Caleb paused, as if he was trying to figure out how to say whatever was on his mind, and after a few heavy breaths, he eventually said, "…I was wondering if it would be okay with you if I told them everything when they arrived. Apologise and explain why I did what I did."

"Caleb, they know what happened and why you had to do it," Buck explained, unsure of Caleb's intended outcome. Caleb had told them in the chat why he had left and how sorry he was for leaving the way he did. And sure, the others had voiced how annoyed they were, but that was it. He didn't want Caleb to think he had to explain himself again; certainly, they'd have to talk about it, because it was going to be a large elephant in the room, but he didn't want to make Caleb uncomfortable.

"I know they do, but I need to do this, Ev. I need to speak of myself completely and honestly in person, but I won't if it bothers you." Caleb muttered, gazing down at his practically empty plate, before putting the last piece of steak into his mouth and swallowing rapidly with a gulp of his drink, as if he only wanted to clear his plate because Buck's was already empty. "It's your house and I will respect it, so if you don't want me to, I wouldn't."

"No, if this is something you need to do, then that's okay." Buck interrupted, "I just don't want you to think that you have to prove yourself to any of us. We understand what happened and why you did what you did; while most of us disagree with what happened, we respect you enough to realise that you were just trying to do good and help others." Buck explained with a gentle smile.

"If anyone is uncomfortable with me being there, I will leave," Caleb said, setting his cutlery down on his empty plate.

"No, you wouldn't," Buck insisted. He wasn't about to let any of his brothers turn into bullies and target one of their own; they'd all done things that hurt each other at some point. Sure, Caleb had done something that hurt all of them, but he had admitted that he knew he had hurt them and wanted to make things right. Callum had cut contact with them all for a while after getting hurt and losing the function of his legs, and when Steve did the same after they lost Freddie.

"I want you there, Caleb, and if they have a problem with that, then they can take it up with me," replied Buck. "Sure, some of them may still be upset about what you did, but it doesn't mean they are uncaring. We need to sit down and talk about how we're feeling so we can move on and be the brothers we were before everything happened." He finished holding Caleb's hand again.

"Just because you have forgiven me doesn't mean they have or ever will," Caleb acknowledged gently, and Buck knew this was his primary concern. Caleb had few family members with whom he still talked, and when he joined the Navy, his brothers had become his family, so the thought that his adopted family would turn their backs on him must be terrifying. Buck, however, knew that their brothers would do that to him, and the prospect of being the one to bring Caleb back to his family made Buck feel needed and warm, which was still an unusual emotion for him lately.

"They already have," Buck whispered, gripping Caleb's hand hard. "They may still be upset, but you are their brother. They want you there. It wouldn't be the same without you." Buck added. He genuinely wanted to tell Caleb that he didn't want to attend this party without him, since, as much as he loved his brothers, he wanted them to be together so they could talk openly and heal as a family.

"Okay, but my offer stands," Caleb responded timidly, taking a drink of water this time.

"I know, but remember, we are brothers; we are allowed to fight, but that doesn't mean we don't still care for each other." Buck reminded him. Sure, this was the most severe conflict their brotherhood ever endured, but that didn't mean their links were broken; instead, they were just strained.

Caleb nods, but Buck knew Caleb would not fully believe his words until he was physically sitting in front of their brothers and told that they had forgiven him. Buck knew they would, except for Steve, but he was slowly working on his older brother. Steve had his own issues with Caleb, which he recognised were primarily from Caleb hurting him. But he needed to move on and forgive him; he had to if he wanted to heal; there was no point clinging onto the past. Sure, he was still upset with Caleb for what had happened, but he was working on dealing with his feelings in his own time.

"So…" Caleb broke the silence by taking another sip of his water and turning to look at him with a smile that usually indicated trouble for both of them, which normally ended with one or both of them grounded by Steve or Joe. Buck raised his eyebrows, indicating for Caleb to continue.

"Steve said you have been cooking more, if that's true?" Caleb asked with that cheeky grin on his face.

Buck couldn’t help but groan and close his eyes. He realised right then and there why Caleb was grinning like that. Before joining the 118 and moving to LA, Buck would openly admit that he couldn’t cook. Hell, he couldn’t do anything in the kitchen except make a smoothie or a pot noodle (which he basically lived on when he first moved into his first apartment) and microwave meals. Caleb had witnessed and put out many of his attempts to cook them dinner until he basically banned him from touching the hob or the oven unless he was there with him.

"Coz, I seem to remember you couldn't even boil an egg right," Caleb said with a small chuckle, shaking his head.

Buck scoffed, he could boil an egg however he ever undercooked it or made hand boiled eggs, he never could get them perfect. But seeing Caleb’s grin with that twinkle in his eyes that he got when the laugh was real made Buck start to laugh as well. He always admitted that he was not good at cooking and had lived on cheap, quick meals until he met Steve, that was. After that, Steve had been the one to basically keep him alive with home-cooked meals and takeout (which he couldn’t get often due to cost), but he survived. And when he joined the team, he found himself having meals delivered from his brother and their wives. It was only after that did he started to eat a wider range of foods.

“Bobby…” Buck started to say, but then stopped when he realised the name he had just said and felt his mouth automatically slam shut. And the joy that he had been feeling suddenly disappeared, and a cold chill ran over his full body like he had walked into a freezer. Buck bit his lip before continuing, “Captain Nash took pity on me when I told him that I couldn’t cook and taught me. I enjoyed it, so I continued to learn more exotic dishes, which made me try new foods.”

Caleb must have noticed the shift in him when he said that name; they hadn't really talked much about LA other than Chris. He hadn't said much about Captain Nash and how he changed him as a person in such a short period of time, and how he had turned his back on him when he needed him the most.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up LA," Caleb responded quickly, looking down at his empty plate, hoping he hadn't offended Buck by inadvertently bringing it up.

"No, it's fine," Buck argued, not wanting Caleb to think he had done nothing wrong. "Captain Nash became pretty much like a father to me," Buck stated with a grim chuckle, "…taught me how to cook, how to be a better person and was there for me so many times, but maybe that was my problem." Buck finished turning to look out the window, picking up his glass and drinking the remainder of the liquid.

"What do you mean, Evan?" Caleb asked quietly and softly. There was no force in his voice, and Buck knew Caleb wasn't merely nosy; he was asking to ensure that he was okay and didn't require an answer if he didn't want to provide one.

"I thought I had found a new family," Buck declared, but he couldn't change his own tone. He sounded so naive that he'd considered the 118 to be his new family, and in some ways, he still did. Even after they had hurt him so badly, he still considered them family. Perhaps he always will. "And that they would be there for me no matter what, kind of stupid really."

"No, Evan, you have a big heart that's the size of the Pacific," Caleb argued, taking hold of Buck's hand again, and Buck was thankful that Caleb was with him right now, as he could feel all of his emotions getting the best of him again for whatever reason.

"And maybe that's my problem," Buck countered. The anger from everything he'd been through began to surge up again. Yet, the anger was directed not only against the 118 but also at himself for allowing himself to love others again. "If I didn't have a big heart, then I wouldn't have gotten hurt again."

Caleb sighed and tightly grasped Buck's hand, "Evan, I'm not sure what happened in LA, but based on what you told me, Captain Nash breached both personal and professional lines. He has no authority to prevent you from working. You have the right to fight for yourself. And the fact that the department and the city sought to settle with you just confirmed your point." Caleb explained.

Buck could not help shaking his head violently. "I betrayed them," Buck said. He could hear Doctor Copeland and Steve's voices in his thoughts telling him that he had done everything correctly and was simply defending himself, but a small part of him was silently cursing him in his head, as if it were a physical reminder of his failings.

"No, your big heart is your best feature", Caleb argued.  "From what you told me, your lawyer simply used things which was in the public eye to back up your argument." But then Caleb paused and sighed heavily before saying, "And despite everything they did to you, you chose to settle in a way that saved the department millions of dollars and not only their jobs, but the station as well. They should have thanked you for saving their jobs." Caleb finished.

"But I broke their trust," Buck said softly as if he couldn't get the words out.

However, before Caleb could say anything, Jason reappeared, smiling softly at them, clearly knowing that he had stepped into something, and he hastily apologised for interrupting them, refilling their empty glasses and collecting their empty plates and bowls. Buck felt ashamed and embarrassed for how he must look. He must have looked pitiful; he knew his eyes were red from unshed tears, and he must be desperate for affection. Caleb, holding his hand like he was about to run must have completed the picture.        

As the door to their cabin closed, Caleb returned his attention to Buck and began to rub his thumb across Buck's hand as he began to speak, "Ok, let's look at this logically," he began, clearing his throat, capturing Buck's full attention.

"Let's imagine Alec was injured while at work," Caleb started, "and went through all of the examinations and re-qualifications the brass wanted and needed him to complete. He suffered a few setbacks but finished everything with flying colours and was ready to return to work." Caleb paused, as if to make sure Buck was still with him, before continuing. "However, Steve stopped him."

Buck couldn't believe what Caleb was saying since it didn't make any sense. Steve would never betray Alec or any of their brothers in that way. Sure, he was a touch overprotective of any of them when they returned, but he would never stop them from working. Steve knew that their professions were dangerous and that they could be hurt at any time, but it didn't mean they didn't comprehend the dangers and accept the consequences of staying on the job. And understood that, while Steve wanted to keep them all safe, he respected them enough not to get in their way.

"And instead of laying out his concerns, he informed Command that he wasn't ready and told Alec that it was Command who said he wasn't ready. Only for Alec to find out that Steve had been lying to him, and instead of explaining and apologising to Alec, Steve continued his lies to the rest of the team, made it difficult for Alec to come back to the team, leaving him with no choice but to sue Steve and the Navy to get back his job." Caleb explained.

Buck wanted to argue with Caleb, assuring him that Steve would never do that to any of them, but he restrained himself. Buck realised something as he reflected on Caleb's scenario: he knew Steve would never betray any of them, and he would rather die than hurt one of them, but he had once believed the same of Captain Nash. He would have called anyone insane if they had approached him before the bombing and informed him that Captain Nash, a man he used to absolutely trust with not only his life on the job but every day and he had very much begun to see him as the father he had always desired would one day betray him in the worse possible way that he could think of. The thought of him doing that he had believed once was impossible. And yet here he was. Dealing with that exact problem.

Caleb's voice reminded Buck of what he was saying and pulled him out of his own thoughts. Buck glanced at Caleb as he spoke, "and Alec's lawyer used the information available to him and in the public eye to show the Navy that Steve was treating him unfairly and that he was ready to return." Caleb finished. But then he tightened Buck's grasp and asked, "Would you think Alec was wrong for doing that, or would you think Steve was right?"

That question caught him off guard a little since he knew Steve would never betray them in that manner, and he stated as much: "Steve would never do that to Alec or any of us." And there was a tone in Buck's voice that he didn't intend to add, but it was there, telling Caleb that he would never believe Steve would do that and daring him to prove him wrong.

Caleb let go of Buck's hand and leaned back in his chair, smiling and chuckling before shrugging his shoulders and adding, "Humour me, Ev."

Buck sighed and understood where Caleb was coming from; he was telling him that, like Steve and Doctor Copeland, this was not his fault. He did not influence other people's behaviour. All he could do was defend himself as he had before. However, this didn't make him stop blaming himself. "Steve would be in the wrong if Alec was cleared, then he had no right to stand in his way," Buck admitted, and he understood exactly what Caleb wanted him to admit.

"So why are you any different?" Caleb asked.

"Because… It doesn't," Buck attempted to state, but he couldn't find the words to defend himself or explain why he thought it was wrong for someone to abuse one of his brothers in the same way, even though it was acceptable towards him. 

"Exactly," Caleb answered, cutting him off, for he could try and defend Captain Nash's actions. "You did the right thing," Caleb spoke softly as before. "You brought what Captain Nash was doing to you to the department's attention so that they could correct his mistakes and put in procedures to stop this from happening again to another firefighter," Caleb explained before shaking his head again. "Your doctors, surgeons, and therapists have approved you to return to work. You were ready."

"I know I was," Buck acknowledged as he sipped his wine, attempting to keep his hand from shaking.

"So why is fighting for a job that you love wrong if you do it but not anyone else?" Caleb enquired quietly.

"It's not," Buck conceded for the first time, but his mind was spinning from the shock of what he had just said.

"So why are you blaming yourself?" Caleb enquired.

Buck hesitated for a few moments, reflecting on Caleb's question; he had never understood why he hated himself so much for what happened following the lawsuit. He tried to persuade everyone that he had not informed his lawyer of anything personal information about them, but rather utilised publicly available information to make their point. Sure, he didn't want him to, and he'd told Mackey off when everything was finished, but he couldn't change the past. And he knew from the few comments he received later that it was those remarks that demonstrated to the Department that what he was telling them was accurate, and he hadn’t just made them up like what Captain Nash was trying to spin.

However, before he could talk or explain himself, the door to the cabin opened, revealing Jason and their desserts, which filled the entire cabin with the aroma of coconut and passion fruit. Buck couldn't help but feel his mouth water as he set both desserts in front of them since they looked so delicious. Jason promptly refilled their water glasses and removed the empty wine bottles and coolers. Buck hadn't realised they'd already emptied both bottles, but he wasn't surprised.

As the cabin door closed, Buck found enough breath in his lungs to speak. "I hate letting people down," he said. He was well aware that his people-pleasing behaviour was most likely to blame for his current state of mind. He recognised he was merely defending himself, but he also betrayed those he considered family.

Caleb sighed and reached for his own fork, "I know you do, but they let you down first. You were simply defending yourself."

Buck looked down at Caleb's dessert, which was a stunning pale-yellow round Yuzu-Lilikoi cheesecake, which appeared creamy with a citrus kiss of yuzu and passionfruit and a crunchy macadamia nut crust. A translucent lychee gel dome with delicate gold flakes was elegantly placed on top of the cheesecake. The cheesecake was placed in the centre of a luscious, glossy passionfruit coulis. The overall appearance is exquisite, but the topic notes add a tropical touch. Buck knew that Caleb was going to love that cheesecake.

"Well, this is depressing. Can we change the subject?" Buck picked up his fork and gazed down at his dessert.

His dessert, the coconut Haupia Mille-Feuille, was stunning, with crisp, golden layers of puff pastry sandwiched between velvety coconut custard and haupia cream. It was topped with thick caramelised banana slices and was finished with a delicate dusting of aromatic kaffir lime powder, which gave the dish a lively citrus aroma, and a glossy swirl of caramel sauce that curled gracefully around the mille-feuille.

"Of course, so dated anyone interesting?" Caleb asked, this time with a grin, as he took a mouthful of cheesecake.

"Really?" Buck laughed as he took his first taste of his dessert, and he couldn't help but groan as the pastry melted and the coconut custard moved smoothly in his tongue. It tastes magnificent.

"Your track record with dates when we worked together was interesting," Caleb added, chuckling. "Tommy was your most normal date. Remember your dinner date with Patrick, the guy with the lazy eye?"

"He wasn't a weirdo," Buck insisted, but he had to agree with Caleb that Patrick was a touch odd.

"He spent the entire date talking about his stepbrother who looks like you," Caleb reminded him, laughing. "Did you date much in LA?" Caleb asked innocently.

Buck knew Caleb wasn't jealous of him dating; he just wanted to know if he had ever met someone he cared about. When they met, he told Caleb that he was single and joked about having some strange dates, but that was it. And Caleb had always been the team's gossip, so questions like this were fairly typical for him. Buck couldn't help but shiver at the memories; even though he was a Navy SEAL and a trained soldier, the man creeped him out so much that he asked Caleb to pick him up from the date because he didn't want to get in the man's car again. Alarm bells had been ringing in his head since he sat down with him. Not that he would admit that to Caleb, he just said that he was a little too odd for him.

Buck sighed again and began to say, "It was hard." Buck admitted that he didn't want Caleb to feel bad. He had already apologised for what had happened, and while they still needed to talk about it, he didn't want to ruin their date night. Sure, they had discussed some topics that evoked strong emotions, but these were necessary conversations. "Each date felt wrong. Sure, one or two were okay, but most of them simply wanted to sleep with me. I'm not saying it was awful sex, but that's all it was. Sex. After another unsuccessful date, I just assumed that was all I was good for; I turned into a total slut, but it wasn't all that horrible."

"Don't call yourself that," Caleb snarled, holding his fork too tightly and keeping it halfway to his mouth.

Buck felt himself stop for a few moments as he sat there in surprise, seeing Caleb's anger and fury when he branded himself a'slut', but he couldn't think of any word to describe himself. He slept with anyone who wanted to sleep with him, refusing to let his heart fall for them since it was the only way he knew to protect himself from the pain. "I was that Caleb," Buck said, shrugging his shoulders as he ate more of his dessert.

But when he saw Caleb's hurt on his face, he said, "It's not your fault. I wanted to sleep with them. I only slept with women to see if I could find someone who made me feel something, but I ended up feeling numb. I only ever slept with one guy, but it didn't feel right, so I stuck to women." Buck admitted.

"I started dating an older woman who I thought I had found something with, but she left after her mother died, and I don't blame her; she needed to find herself after losing her only living parent." Buck continued, thinking about Abby was hard. He had believed he had met someone who cared for him as much as he cared for her. But she had left him again, just like everyone else.

"I'm sorry," Caleb murmured.

"Like I mentioned, anything I did after we split up was not your fault. I made those mistakes," Buck said, reaching over to take a sip of his water.

"Anyway, how about you? Date anyone interesting?" Buck asked, trying his best to lighten the mood again with Caleb.

"Some first dates, but nothing serious; I don't remember much about them because I didn't click with any of them," Caleb admitted, which made Buck happy. Not that he didn't want Caleb to be happy, but he couldn't see him with anyone else. He'd swallow his own pain if it meant seeing Caleb happy.

"I'm sorry," Buck murmured, giving him a nice smile and hoping he hadn't made Caleb uncomfortable. "Anyway, how's your cheesecake?" He quickly added, hoping to shift the conversation away from previous disastrous dates.

Caleb grinned as he took another bite of his cheesecake before sipping his drink, "I've never had a yuzu-lilikoi one before and got to say it's up there on my list just under that chocolate fudge one I had in New York." Caleb replied, smirking, and Buck couldn't help but giggle slightly at his comment. Caleb loved cheesecakes and would get them whenever possible.

The chocolate cheesecake Caleb mentioned from New York had been delicious. Buck had been allowed to take a little, and it was a chocolate paradise. It was a mixture of rich milky chocolate, unlike normal American chocolate, and reminded him of some British chocolate he had tried after being given it by some British soldiers they were working with. To be honest, he now understood why British people said American chocolate tasted awful.

"So you like it then," Buck said as he took another piece of his dessert.

"Yes, how's your coconut thing?" Caleb asked, continuing to eat.

Buck laughed at his remark; Caleb was usually terrible at remembering fancy names for the meals they were eating. "Coconut Haupia Mille-Feuille," he said, picking up one of the bananas with his fork and popping it into his mouth; the caramel overtones made the banana creamier.

"And it's amazing," Buck remarked. The dessert was an ideal combination of crunchy, creamy, sweet, and tropical flavours on one platter. The Mille-Feuille was buttery, and the coconut and banana flavours added a tropical twist to the dessert, making it both refreshing and decadent without being sickly.

"I still think it's a weird name for a pastry," Caleb laughed.

Buck couldn't help but join in, shaking his head: "I would say you should try some, but I don't think you want another emergency trip to the hospital."

Buck remembered how horribly Caleb reacted to a banana after accidentally consuming one of Carl's smoothies during their downtime, and he never wanted to see it happen again. He had never witnessed a reaction as severe as Caleb's when he learnt the smoothie contained banana. No one on the team was aware of his allergy before that point. But after that day, Steve held a team meeting and asked them if they had ever reacted to anything before.

Buck had acknowledged during that conversation that he was allergic to rabbit fur and tree pollen, although not to the same extent as Caleb. Callum acknowledged being allergic to latex and coconut, yet not as severe as Caleb's. It simply made him ill, rather than stopping him from breathing. Alec admitted that he was allergic to penicillin, but it simply made him sick. By the end, Steve had updated all of their records and ordered a box of EPI-Pens to bring with them on each operation in case someone reacted.

"You remembered?" Caleb asked, surprised, as he gulped his water.

"Of course, it scared the hell out of me when you stopped breathing," Buck said, looking down at his plate and immediately popping the final banana into his mouth. Fortunately, Caleb only reacted when he ate fresh bananas. He could get close to them and touch them as long as they were still in the skin. Otherwise, he would not have ordered it to eat. And he understood that as long as he drank sufficient and cleansed his mouth, they could kiss without fear that it would be their last.

"I also remember that you are allergic to birds," Buck remarked with a laugh as he took a long drink of water.

"I still want one, maybe an African grey or a Macaw," Caleb remarked, shrugging his shoulders and taking another mouthful of his cheesecake.

Buck sighed with a smirk on his face, shaking his head as he looked at Caleb, "And not be able to breathe at the same time? Not happening."

Caleb's allergy to birds was not as bad as his allergy to bananas, but it was close. Buck couldn't believe Caleb still wanted a pet bird, knowing it could kill him. Yes, pet birds were beautiful and intelligent. But Buck enjoyed Caleb's breathing, and the idea that Caleb would be willing to risk his life to own one was not something he was about to accept.

"Spoil sport," Caleb mumbled, sporting his mischievous grin that Buck adored.

"You are such a child," Buck replied, chuckling.

They continued to eat and finish their dessert while joking and reliving the good times. They also addressed some difficult issues. Buck asked if Caleb had seen his family back in Mexico and how they were doing. Caleb stated that he cut off ties to all of his family members after those with whom he had a good relationship had either died or relocated to start again. Leo's death had pretty destroyed the family; even if the boy was in trouble and his death was related to his affiliations, the manner of his death had broken them. Buck felt terrible for Caleb's loss of his family, possibly because Caleb had always tried to be close to them even though they detested each other. He had no idea why Caleb allowed himself to be hurt so badly, but it could be because he had never truly grown up with his relatives and parents. So he never sought to become involved in Caleb's family troubles since he didn't fully understand them, but he also wanted to defend Caleb.

They were so preoccupied with conversing that they both jumped when Jason appeared to clear up their empty dishes. Jason must have realised he had frightened them and hastily apologised as he scooped up their plates. Before departing, Jason enquired whether they needed anything else. Buck had wanted to say no because he was already so full that he knew he would have to work out for at least three days to burn off what he had just eaten. However, Caleb promptly ordered two black teas from the menu, and the one he picked was the Da Hong Pao, also known as the Big Red Robe, a high-end Chinese black tea.

Buck wanted to object, but Jason had already left.

He turned to face Caleb, hoping to tell him off, but the cheeky grin made him smile back. He'd heard about that type of tea for quite some time but had been turned off by the price. It was one of the most expensive black teas available, owing to its origin in China and the method by which it was harvested.

Then, as Caleb finished his drink and set the glass down at the end of the table, he smiled and asked, "So, what was your funniest rescue?"

Buck couldn't help but laugh at the comment; they hadn't talked much about his time as a firefighter, largely because Caleb didn't want to bring up his time in LA just yet, but he recalled all the fun times he had there. The people he met away from the station during rescues, the challenges that he overcame, and the skills he learnt.

"Well, there was this car wash guy who got tangled in one of the large brushes," Buck continued, laughing more at the memory. He definitely remembers the rescue and how much his ribs hurt from laughing when he saw the security footage.

"No way," Caleb responded, chuckling at the concept.

"Yep, and I cried when I saw the footage," Buck replied, picking up his water glass.  "He got the line caught up in it and they ended up spinning for a good few minutes before someone spotted him and shut the machine off, but it was funny as hell." Buck laughed.

Before they could continue, Jasona appeared with an excellent tea set for two, including a fine Yixing clay tea kettle, two handleless tasting cups, and a small pitcher. He discreetly and carefully poured the tea into both cups before collecting their empty wine glasses and leaving.

"And then there was the python lady," Buck continued as he took a soft sip of the tea, which tasted delicious; it was rich with a tinge of chocolate, which he liked.

"What?" Caleb asked, surprised, taking a drink of his own tea.

"Python lady, she had all these snakes as pets, but her albino python tried to kill her, so I had to cut its head off," Buck explained with a shrug. "kind of felt bad afterwards and the crew weren't happy with me but at the same time, the girl was going blue so really, we couldn't wait for animal control."

Buck recalled how much hatred he had received from the rest of the team for that one. But, at the same time, he wasn't willing to sit back and let the girl die just so they might save the snake. That animal should have been at a zoo, not in the girl's house. He had phoned Animal Control and a local exotic rescue centre and was able to remove all of the snakes from the apartment so that they may live a better life than the cages in which they had them locked. Sure, he ended up hooking up with the girl, but he wasn't about to leave the snakes in a situation where they could simply die. Not that the others at the station knew about it.

"To be honest, snakes always freaked me out," Caleb acknowledged.

"I thought you loved snakes, and you always wanted one as a pet," Buck remarked, perplexed. Caleb had always been interested in reptiles and had planned to buy one after they retired.

But as he said those words, Buck watched in fear as Caleb's expression fell, and his mask immediately lowered over his face, sealing it solidly in place. He had no idea what he had said to force Caleb's mask, which he hadn't seen him wear in a while, to slide smoothly into place with no visible cracks. "I'm sorry...I just thought..." Buck began to say that something was plainly wrong, and he kicked himself for creating such anguish.

They slipped into a tense stillness, which terrified Buck even more. They all had masks in their area of work, and they could activate them with a switch within their brain. He used it a few times in LA (not that anyone noticed) when things became too much for him or he needed to concentrate. But witnessing Caleb's mask slam down so forcefully and quickly terrified him. He despised seeing the man he still loved lock himself up in that manner to protect himself.

"It's ok, don't worry about it," Caleb said. His voice had lost all of its emotion, which startled and worried him. Something was obviously wrong.

"Are you sure?" Buck enquired gently.

"I'm not there yet, Evan, I'm sorry," Caleb responded, not looking at him and instead focusing on his cup.

"No, that's okay; we agreed to only talk about topics that we were both comfortable with," Buck answered hastily as he refilled their cups, trying not to notice how Caleb flinched away from him when he reached over to fill his.

"Thank you," Caleb murmured gently, swiftly sipping his own tea.

Buck felt the worry come on full force. He recognised right then that whatever had happened to make Caleb fear reptiles had something to do with his mission. He hadn't read much about how the cartel used reptiles, but he wouldn't rule it out. They were horrible people who loved to torment and hurt others in the worst ways.

But before they could resume their talk, Jason came to see if they needed anything else, and Caleb immediately but respectfully requested the bill. Buck physically kicked himself this time for letting their night end on such a negative note. Hell, they were having a great time until he opened his mouth. He knew deep down that it wasn't his fault, that whatever happened to Caleb back then was something he wasn't ready to discuss with him yet, and he had to accept that. They had both promised to respect each other's limits on issues they weren't ready to discuss just yet.

Jason nodded and with a smile he swiftly left them alone once again.

They fell silent once more, as if they were both struggling to decide what to say next after the awkward quiet. Buck understood that this quiet was not his fault; it was simply the result of what had transpired in the past. And, as they worked on dealing with the past, Buck was aware that they would have to deal with these quiet moments for a while. Both from Caleb and himself. They both had a lot of baggage and needed to go through before they could help each other cope with these intense feelings.

Buck broke the stillness after he finished his second cup, knowing it was his last. "This has been nice," he stated, pointing around them. This evening had been amazing, and he didn't want Caleb to feel like he had ruined it by being unable to deal with his past. He had experienced that wrath before and did not want Caleb to feel the same way.

"It has," Caleb remarked with a hint of emotion, "and I really want to do this again, Evan, if you do as well." He asked.

Buck wanted to draw Caleb into a tight hug and tell him that, of course, he wanted to do this again; their relationship, if that was what they both wanted, needed to be slow, but who was going to stop him? Obviously, he was aware that entering into a relationship so soon after what he had been through and what had transpired in the past would be risky. But that didn't mean he didn't want to try if that was what he found himself wanting.

"It is, Caleb; I have really enjoyed this," Buck confessed. He enjoyed spending time with Caleb, even if their relationship never progressed beyond friendship.

Jason reappeared immediately, putting the black bill book on a little plate with two rich-looking mint chocolates that appeared to be expensive, and placed it on the table. He then pulled out a small card machine, but asked if they needed more time to settle up. However, before Buck could reach over and look at the bill, curious about how much the entire lunch had cost. Caleb, however, must have recognised what he was trying to do, so he quickly seized it before smirking as he pulled out his wallet.

Buck couldn't help but feel his heart skip a beat as Caleb grinned at him and took up the pen next to the bill book, writing down Jason's tip and giving it over to Jason with a smile. The transaction was completed in a matter of minutes, and Jason thanked them for the tip before leaving them alone. They did not stay much longer, instead getting up, putting on their jackets, and departing. As they left, they stopped to thank the hostess before leaving. Buck had been shocked that, as they took a step outside the front door, he could see that Caleb's car was already parked outside waiting for them.

The ride back to his house was quiet, with just minor chat about their favourite parts of the dinner. But what Buck loved most about the whole meal was spending time with Caleb. Enjoying the delicious meal had made them both feel extensively more comfortable. Perhaps eating could be an encouragement for them to discuss things more openly when they were both ready. As the drove though the quiet streets, Buck found himself not been able to take his eyes of Caleb as if he could disappear on him if he turned away. He had been so proud of Caleb for being as open as he was with him during dinner, and he kind of was proud of himself for admitting that the lawsuit and what happened afterwards wasn't his fault.

When they returned to his house, Buck found himself grinning as Caleb got out of the car to open his door for him. Caleb was about to walk him to the door, but Buck stopped him. As much as he wanted to let Caleb do that, he was not going to let Steve overhear their conversation. He knew that Steve would more than likely be sitting, watching the CCTV on his phone and would have gotten the notification that his driveway’s gates had been opened using his phone and code. But he knew that Steve would respect him enough not to come to the door and would wait for him to enter the house when he was ready. However, that didn't mean he wouldn't grill Buck the moment he stepped in the door.

As Caleb stood in front of him, Buck could tell that Caleb's mask was still tightly secured to his face; however, there were a few hints of Caleb trying to lower it enough that it wasn’t clear for him to see it. Buck could see that the other man was trying to act normal, be the happy man he was before he brought up the snakes, and he loved him for it. Clearly, Caleb was trying to ease his pain by bringing up those memories even if he didn’t mean to than his own.

As they started to say their goodbyes, Buck found himself unable to let Caleb leave when he was still clearly upset about what had happened and didn’t want Caleb to leave with his head still in that horrible place. So instead of letting Caleb turn to get back into his car, Buck pulled him into the tightest hug he could give. At first, Caleb just froze in his arms, and he was worried that maybe he was pushing him too much, but after a few moments of an awkward hug, Caleb melted into his chest and buried his face into his neck. Holding Caleb like this made Buck feel emotions that he hadn't felt since before Caleb left him. But watching Caleb so devastated and trapped in a flashback that he had forced him to recall was painful. Buck wanted to keep him there forever, not letting anything else hurt one of his brothers and the man he still loved.

They remained in the embrace for a few long minutes before Caleb finally pulled away from him. Buck allowed him to pull away even though he really didn’t want him to. He knew that he should have asked Caleb if he could hug him, as he noticed that Caleb and physical contact were not a good mix, but he couldn’t help himself. He hated seeing Caleb so broken.

Quietly, they wished each other a good night, and Buck managed to get Caleb to promise to message him when he got back to his hotel to ensure that he got there safely. Caleb agreed and with a soft smile that did not reach his eyes like the previous ones did he turned and climbed back into his car and started to drive off.

Buck found himself waving to him as he headed off down the drive, and after a few moments of composing himself, he finally turned around and headed towards his front door. Perhaps things could get better, whether he and Caleb reconciled or simply became friends. Whatever happened, Buck realised that for the first time in what seemed like forever, he was thinking about himself rather than what others thought. He would heal while helping people close to him in healing. He loved Caleb not only as a former lover but also as a brother who plainly needed his brotherly love to heal from whatever he had been through alone.

He only hoped Caleb would let him help him. Even if just a little. But that was a problem for another day, as he opened his front door and slipped inside, Buck found himself promising that he would do whatever he could to make his brother whole again while ensuring that he looked after himself first. And with that, he closed the door and turned the lock.

Right now, he had another brother to deal with who was sitting on his couch, looking over at him with a grin that only meant trouble.

Chapter Text

Athena's evening plans had been quite straightforward. She intended to drive home, take off her shoes at the front door, lock away her badge and gun, open one of the lovely bottles of wine Buck had given her for her birthday that she had yet to open, and enjoy the crisp wine in a hot bubble bath before crawling into bed with her book. She was aware that she would only have to put up with Bobby for a short period of time, owing to their desire not to spend much time together following their argument.

Since their argument, they had been sleeping apart, with Bobby moving into the guest room and eating alone. However, although Bobby was still suspended by the department, he had been preparing dinner, even though they ate alone. But she had noted that when she returned home, the house was silent on several occasions. Bobby had been going out more and more as time passed. Athena had mistakenly assumed that he was at the AA meetings that Bobby still attended, but after a while, she discovered that Bobby had been spending more and more time at Maddie's and Chimney's or out doing who knows what for hours before returning home.

Athena was not naive; she knew their marriage couldn't last much longer. It wasn't good for either of them to continue living in such a stressful situation. She had considered bringing up couples therapy, perhaps as an individual first and then as a couple, to try to save their marriage, but she knew it wouldn't help unless she was willing to forgive Bobby for what he had done or unless he admitted complete fault and accepted responsibility for his mistakes, which he had yet to do

Furthermore, she was still enraged at how he had misled her about what he had done to their (nearly) adopted son. Bobby hurt not just their marriage but also their relationship with Buck by lying to both of them. She acknowledged the parental need to protect their child and knew that his acts were motivated by a perverse desire to keep Buck safe. But, unlike Bobby, she had long recognised that in order for her children to thrive, she needed to step aside. She realised she had to let them make their own errors in life, knowing that she would be there to assist them in picking themselves up when necessary.

But for whatever reason, Bobby refused to accept the parental norm of rearing strong, independent children. Bobby seemed to want complete control over Buck rather than to help him flourish. Unfortunately, she had not noticed it until it was too late. Even with the suspension and Buck's departure, Bobby had not been allowed to see the harm he had caused. She was aware that his proximity to Maddie and Chimney was not helping, as they clearly shared his desire to dominate Buck, but she had thought that losing Buck in the manner he did would be the wake-up call he needed. Unfortunately, such had not been the case. All she could do now was hope that Bobby would soon recognise what a mess he had made, but she knew that was unlikely.

As she continued to drive through the quiet streets, Athena had to remind herself not to clutch the steering wheel too tightly, as she was afraid she'd snap it in two. She was beyond furious. She was only relieved that there weren't many cars on the road since she wasn't sure she could take fools the way she was feeling. She had the mother of all headaches, and all she wanted to do was go home; the moment she felt it coming on, she altered her plans. Instead, all she wanted to do was go home, boil one of the herbal teas May had given her for relaxation, take a nice bath, and go to bed. She had even considered taking paracetamol if things became too bad and the tea wasn't helping. She couldn't believe how horrible her day had gone. She was confident halfway through the day that nothing could ruin what had begun to be a wonderful day. Unfortunately, some people had different ideas. Which made her even angrier because she despised it when people ruined her day. Usually, criminals misbehave after being captured, but this time it was much more personal, which enraged her even more.

Her day had begun brilliantly: she had awoken just before her alarm and managed to turn it off before the obnoxious blaring began. The sun had begun to rise through her windows, bathing her in lovely amber light. She spent a good twenty minutes lying in the sun, enjoying her spacious, cosy bed all to herself. When Bobby had moved to the guest room, he had taken all of his clothes and personal items from the master bedroom; he had no reason to visit her private place without her permission. Although she admired Bobby's compassion, she understood that they couldn't go on like this for much longer without getting together and discussing their ideas.

After those beautiful twenty minutes of serenity, she knew she needed to get going. With a groan, she managed to get out of bed and into a warm, fast shower. She planned to leave earlier than usual because she had plans to meet May for breakfast. May had blown up at Bobby after the art show when Bobby attempted to defend himself once more, and she had opted to live more with Michael and David since she no longer wanted to be in the same room as Bobby. Not that she blamed her. Harry had also joined her, but given Michael's schedule, staying with him would make it easier to drop him off for school.

She wished she could have breakfast with them both, but she was scheduled to work an early shift over the weekend, and with Harry at school, she didn't want to rush their meal. Instead, she consented to go with just May, but she did intend to have dinner with the kids at Michael's one night that week. David sounded quite pleased with the concept, saying that he wanted someone to tell him the truth about what he needed to add to his pasta dish because Michael was useless. She had laughed at that comment and thought it unusual that she got along so well with her ex's partner, but she still loved it.

When organising their breakfast, Athena had given May the freedom to choose wherever she wanted as long as it wasn't too far from the station; considering how horrible LA traffic can be, she didn't want to have to rush to get to work on time. So May chose Bronze Rose, a nice small cafe that had only been established for a few months but was doing well for itself. May discovered it online after one of their posts went viral, and it opened early enough for them to spend at least two hours together before she had to leave for work.

When they arrived, Athena understood why so many people enjoyed coming. It was a little place but full of character and life. The walls were painted a warm cream with pops of colour from local artwork and plants, making the entire space feel alive. Another highlight of the place was its outback seating area, which was situated beneath a giant ficus tree and blooming shrubs. The whole place was beautiful, and as they sat down at a little table for two in the outdoor seating area, Athena couldn't help but fall in love with it even more.

Athena was taken aback by the menu's diversity as they went over it. Instead of the typical hipster menu, which she was seeing more and more of, the place catered to everyone. The cafe's only pledge was to try their best to acquire all of their food from local businesses wherever feasible, as well as to serve freshly cooked bread every morning. Athena wasn't sure what she wanted to order because everything on the menu sounded delicious. Almost all of their menu featured typical breakfast choices as well as more experimental options for those looking to try something new. Everything sounded fantastic and delicious. But after a few minutes, she figured out what she wanted, as did May, which surprised her

May requested a smoothie bowl with dragon fruit, banana, and coconut, along with an iced matcha latte. When it arrived, it looked stunning, and Athena couldn't help but smile as May snapped a dozen shots to post on Instagram. Looking at May's drink, she couldn't help but think it looked and sounded strange, but she wasn't a fan of matcha and, to be honest, didn't think May would be either. But she was pleased to see her daughter try something new and find something she liked without worrying about what others thought. 

Athena had chosen the dark chocolate and raspberry overnight oats cooked with whole milk. She asked for an iced chai latte. When she tasted it, she found herself smiling into her cup; she couldn't believe she hadn't considered trying chai less than a year ago. She'd seen it around and knew a few people who enjoyed it, but she was never one to explore new things; she preferred to stick with what she knew. But this was before she met Buck. He had been the one who persuaded her to try it for the first time when he joined her to help her with Christmas shopping. He had brought her one from a little market stall, and after five minutes of pleading, she had tried it. And he had been so right. It tasted incredible. And for Christmas, he got her some expensive chai tea to use after she tried a cheaper kind and wasn't a fan.

As they ate and enjoyed their morning, Athena felt more at ease. She and May didn't get much undisturbed mother-daughter time; unfortunately, with both of their busy schedules, they couldn't find the optimum moments to hang out with just the two of them. Athena knew May adored her little brother, but it was also good to get some girl time. They discussed everything and anything. They talked about May's schoolwork, which she was nearly finished with, and the college options she was considering (including whether or not she had any offers yet), but May appeared to be a little too tight-lipped about which college was her first and second choice, so she stopped herself from asking too many questions, respecting May's privacy and how her job was going. 

They also talked about why May adored this mysterious artist, E.C.G., so much. Listening to May laugh and talk about this artist on the day of the gallery show inspired Athena to learn everything she could about them. And that is exactly what she did. When she came home, she did a thorough investigation to learn everything she could about the mysterious artist, but couldn’t find much about them personally. Perhaps that was why May admired the artists so much: they let nothing interfere with their art. May stated that you could see the emotion that they were experiencing in each work, which inspired her to think about things more deeply in order to comprehend the underlying meaning rather than simply accepting it at face value. Athena couldn't help but be proud of her daughter's perspective on the world. She had hoped that she had instilled such qualities in her, but hearing that someone else was teaching her in their own way made her believe that there was still some good in the world. 

When they finished their breakfast, Athena wished she didn't have to go to work and could instead spend the day with her daughter, but she knew she had to. She'd have to figure out a day when they could both take off to spend the day together, but she needed to get to work right now. They said their goodbyes, and May promised to text her when she got to work with her usual smile. When she saw her daughter drive away, she couldn't help but cry a little because of how much her baby girl had grown. Seeing her become the independent woman she aspired to be made her so proud that she thought she would burst. 

She could not have had a better day at work. She managed to park close to the station (which was normally impossible given the time she arrived), discovered that there was a fresh pot of coffee on, and entered the locker room, which was peaceful with a mellow radio station playing in the background. 

During the morning roll call, Athena was partnered with a young officer who had been on the force for around five years and who resembled Buck so much that it was scary. They could've been brothers. The officer's name was Arthur Burton, and he was in his late twenties, with blond hair and blue eyes. He was built similarly to Buck, with distinct muscles but possibly not as big, a more squared jaw, and the absence of Buck's beautiful birthmark. Arthur, or Art (as he preferred to be called), was well regarded in the department as a fair and good officer who tended to calm a problem down rather than use force, which was unusual considering his appearance. However, this just improved his performance as an officer. 

Athena had worked with him a few times and liked working with him, which was abnormal for her, given how she preferred to work alone. But Art was a little different; perhaps it was because she reminded her so much of Buck that she occasionally confused the two. The only problem she had with the young man was that he couldn't make a decent cup of coffee. He was even barred from making the pot after a few botched attempts. His argument was that he rarely drank coffee and instead preferred tea. 

They went on patrol, and it was unusually quiet. They had a couple of traffic stops during rush hour since people seemed to forget that they couldn't drive while on the phone, as well as a road rage incident that concluded calmly with both drivers receiving a warning about not being stupid when driving in such heavy traffic.

They also dealt with a criminal damage allegation, which turned out to be a graffiti artist employed by the building owner to paint a mural on the side of his building, but the elderly neighbour was not happy. It turns out that she was upset that they were not including the neighbourhood's history and preferred to focus on the more recent story. Fortunately, Art had managed to convince everyone to sit down and discuss the issues at hand. Finally, the artists added elements to their work depicting the history of the community. The owner praised the neighbour for improving the mural afterwards. 

And then they were called to an assault in progress, which turned out to be a bunch of men who had come for a rugby match. They had been training in the park with permission, but to the passerby, it looked like an assault. Art had laughed and told her that they were working on their scrum (whatever that was). It turned out that he preferred rugby over American football. Apparently, he had played the sport in college and had nearly gone pro; he had even been given a spot on an English regional team, but going to England was not an option, as he had a young family and children that he did not want to leave. Art's wife was originally from Cuba, and her family migrated to the United States to escape the turmoil there when she was six years old. She was granted refuge because of her father's ties in the country. He also stated that because her entire family had successfully relocated to America, he did not want to force his wife to choose between him and her family after everything they had been through. Instead, he turned down the job to play for a local team as well as pitch in at the local community centre, teaching kids how to play the sport. 

As they sat back and watched the men practise, Athena admitted to Art that she had seen a game of rugby but had not watched much of it because she didn't understand what was going on. Art was delighted to sit and explain each pass and rule of the game. Hearing Art's affection for the game moved her, and she couldn't help but admire the sport even more now that she understood it. 

Athena's day improved even further when they arrived at the station on time for lunch. This was unusual given how hectic their schedules may be at times. Art offered to buy them lunch from his brother-in-law's restaurant near the station, which she gladly accepted. She hadn't brought anything for lunch, as she was planning to pick something up while out, and she had only heard positive things about the place, so she had agreed. Other cops often stopped there to eat lunch since it was only two streets away from the station, and the food was always fresh and hot. 

Art reappeared after 10 minutes, having called in their order, and to be honest, it was second best to Buck's cooking. Their meals were in recyclable containers and smelled great even before you opened them. Art decided on a loaded pita with falafel, lettuce, tomato, and cucumber, served with a fresh tahini sauce that smelled delicious as he opened the container. She had chosen a beautiful Mediterranean grain bowl with quinoa, cucumber, cherry tomatoes, feta, and chickpeas in a fresh lemon dressing. Everything tasted fantastic. It was all fresh, and she could see that each ingredient of their food had been carefully considered and prepared.

After their meal break, they returned to patrol, which turned out to be primarily a drive-around. It looked like the criminals had taken the day off, as they received no calls and were not stopped by any members of the public, so after a few hours and a fuel stop, they returned to the station to complete all of their paperwork, which was completely unusual in their line of work. Normally, they only had an hour to complete paperwork; otherwise, they would be on overtime, which was not usually granted (depending on whether there was a budget cut) and something Athena did not want to happen because she wanted to get home on time.

They'd been at their desks for around 45 minutes when their captain's voice broke through the quiet. Athena had a positive relationship with her captain. Captain Elaine Maynard was a strong woman and an excellent cop who was going to climb the ranks in the department. She had been working for her for some time and knew she could rely on her for help if she needed it. She remembers telling her about the bombing and Buck's injuries, as well as during the lawsuit, that she wanted to support her husband but realised he had gone too far. Elaine was a straightforward woman who told her exactly what she thought without sugarcoating anything.

She looked up to see that Elaine was staring at her and gesturing for her to enter her office when she broke the quiet with her voice. However, she saw that her captain didn't appear to be happy when she looked at her more closely. Something happened, and Athena secretly suspected that it was related to either Buck or her husband. She had wanted to find Buck when he had first left. However, she had restrained herself after recognising that Buck was an adult and could make his own choices without seeking approval from anyone. She had gone through everything with Elaine since she was unsure of what to do and worried that Buck wasn't in a good state of mind when he left. Elaine assured her that contacting him wouldn't be seen as pressuring him to talk but rather as letting him know that she would be around when he was ready.

Something had happened, and she had a hunch that whatever Elaine was going to tell her would not sit well with her as she walked into the quiet office. All she could hope was that it had nothing to do with her kids, David, or Michael. But Athena knew in her heart that this had to do with her husband as she heard Elaine move into her office and close the door. They turned to face one another as soon as the door was shut. Given her position and the length of time they had known one another, Elaine was treating her with the respect she deserved. Elaine approached her desk and motioned for Athena to have a seat in one of the chairs that were positioned in front of it.

Elaine explained that she wanted to know why detectives and other captains were contacting her and telling her that one of her sergeants' names was being dropped in a case involving the attack of two of their fellow officers. And how she appeared to possess a crucial role in the defendant's freedom after those damaging and serious accusations were dismissed.

Athena made it clear that she had no idea what Elaine was talking about. As she began to speak, Elaine sighed, letting Athena know that although she hadn't trusted what she was being told, she still knew she had to deal with it. The lawyer Chimney and Maddie had hired turned out to be a cunning shark of a lawyer who had recently been placed on his final warning after being disciplined by the board several times for malpractice in a dozen other cases. He had informed the DA that he intended to call Athena as his star witness in Maddie's assault case since he had been informed that she had fully agreed that the other officers, not Maddie, had been at fault. He even went so far as to say that the DA should drop the charges and move on if he didn't want to lose this case so badly. 

Athena was furious, as she had witnessed the assault and already presented a statement in support of her fellow police, and she had never consented to testify for Maddie. As it happened, Maddie had deliberately brought up her name to the man, announcing to him that she would always support them, which was completely untrue. Maddie had to pay for her actions, and unless she accepted a plea bargain—which had been offered several times—she would not be able to escape the charges without facing severe repercussions. However, Maddie had a false belief that she would escape punishment and place the blame on Buck. 

Elaine was also informed that a cop who was leaving at the same time overheard Maddie and her attorney outside the DA's office. He had reported it because he had heard some pretty serious warnings during their talk. Maddie apparently believed that she could easily get off those charges with Athena's help, get the judge to force Buck to return to Los Angeles from wherever he was, and put him under her legal and financial authority, essentially granting her access to all of Buck's possessions while limiting his options.

Maddie must have believed that she was a witch or something and that everything would be fine if she just waved a magic wand. She wasn't a fairy godmother or a genie. She had no say in which cases were dropped or which went to trial. Maddie obviously believed she was above the law and that people were only there to tidy up her mess. 

She was frustrated and pissed at Bobby, as she suspected that Bobby must know what they were planning. She suspected that this was the reason he had been going over to their house to help with the preparation of her defences. She had seen Bobby sitting at the kitchen island, his laptop open on a lawyer subreddit seeking information on instances involving police officers attacked by people while experiencing distress over family matters, to try and get some ideas for Maddie's defence.

She asked him what the hell he was doing when she caught him doing it. However, Bobby didn't appear embarrassed or offer an apology, as if he genuinely thought what he was doing was right. Bobby only shrugged his shoulders and clarified that this would not have happened if Buck had listened to him and his sister—who now certainly knew better—instead of leaving as he did. If Buck hadn't just left her as he did, Maddie wouldn't have been so upset that she experienced a flashback when those officers grabbed her and reacted. She was having issues and needed help. Athena had been too exhausted to even tell him that he sounded like a broken record that she was tired of listening to, so she hadn't bothered to argue with him. At this point, however, she wished she could go back in time and remind him that Maddie was responsible for her own actions. Buck wasn't at fault for this.

She did her best to keep her temper in check as she made her way home. Fortunately, she knew that May and Harry wouldn't be home when she got there. She didn't want her children to overhear them fighting again. She had witnessed the effects of fighting on children. Unfortunately, she and Michael had been unable to hide their arguments from the kids during their divorce proceedings. She had repeatedly witnessed their terrified expressions when they had interrupted their arguments and vowed never again to let them witness her altercation with their father or father figures.

But her rage began to flare as she pulled up to her house. What she saw in front of her was unbelievable. Three cars were parked in her usually peaceful driveway. One belonged to her husband, and when she left for breakfast that morning, she saw that the bumper had a fresh dent and a broken light on the back, which had not been there before. She had worked as a police officer long enough to understand what had happened; Bobby had obviously backed into something or failed to pay attention to his surroundings. All she could hope for was that he hadn't wrecked anyone else's vehicle. If not, she would have to file a criminal damage report against her own spouse. Something she didn't want to do.

But what really made her blood boil was the other two cars, though. Maddie's and Chimney's cars were parked on either side of Bobby's car. She had no room to park her car near her house without putting it on the grass since they were parked unevenly. It infuriated her. How dare they enter her house, park in her driveway, and act in a way that made it obvious to her that they didn't give a damn that this was her house? People usually park in front of whoever's car was there first or move to the edge of the drive, always allowing her and Bobby to use the two primitive areas. 

It was obvious that neither of their cars had been serviced in weeks because they were filthy. Most likely not, as she had learnt from her conversation with Hen that Chimney had been forcing Bobby to add car washing to Buck's list of chores when he was back working at the station after the lawsuit. According to her, Chimney had been sitting on the loft, laughing, watching Buck clean his car and then shouting down when he didn't get it right. 

She was so furious that tears welled up in her eyes at the thought that Buck had been mistreated in that way. She didn't know how much her kid had endured until it was too late, since she had been so oblivious to his suffering. Buck had assured her that he didn't blame her, so she knew that. But regardless of what Buck told her, she couldn't help but keep blaming herself.

To be honest, Maddie's car didn't look any better than Chimney's. The wing mirror had a big scrape running down the side, as if Maddie had sideswiped something with blue paint, and she could see that one of the front lamps was damaged. The traces of the colour were entrenched in the mirror. She then recalled a report she had seen on Art's desk regarding Sue's automobile from the 9-1-1 call centre being struck by another car and then driving away without stopping. It was something she stored in her mind in case she ever needed to bring it up with Art, whose case it was.

Athena sighed as she parked her car in the spot on the drive that was typically reserved for May or Buck. It was close enough for the CCTV cameras she had placed throughout the home to see the cars and safeguard them but far enough away from the two major areas to allow the cars to exit without causing any harm to other vehicles. Then, trying not to lose her fury, she grabbed her bag from the back seat and got out of the car.

As she passed Maddie's car and headed for her front door, she noticed more than twenty parking citations strewn all over the dashboard. On the open ticket resting on the passenger seat, she took a closer look at the address. The fact that it was Buck's former residence shocked her. Athena shook her head and snorted. Maddie was issued a warning about what would happen if she disregarded the terms of her bail, which included being prohibited from going anywhere close to Buck's previous address. Athena took a quick picture of the tickets with her phone so that she had proof of them, even though she knew that they would be on file anyway. However, Athena knew that unless she could find evidence that it was Maddie who had been there, nothing could be done. She knew that Maddie would more than likely argue that someone else had been the one driving her car, and they couldn't prove that it was her.  But it was evidence all the same.

Athena let out a deep sigh and pushed herself slowly to her front door, which was illuminated in a deep amber glow by her two antique amber wall lanterns that May had given her for Christmas. Before she had Bobby install them, she didn't realise she needed the sense of serenity that the lights' warm amber glow against her dark wooden door would normally provide her. Every time she returned home and saw the light gleaming gorgeously against the wood, she noticed that she was spiritually and physically at ease.

After the third day, she realised that she could leave the job at work and not have to bring it home with her because she saw that beautiful amber glow. It served as a reminder that she was safe and at home when she was there. She had also seen a change in both her personal and professional lives. She seems to arrive at work more rested and prepared, and she has discovered that she is more of a mother and friend to her children and Michael. She had been able to spend more time with both of her kids as well as go to more school functions, which she knew she had not done while they were young.

She never imagined that the simple act of installing new lights outside her house would have such a profound impact on her life. She was a little perplexed when she opened her present, and when she questioned May about them, she merely shrugged her shoulders and claimed that she had brought some of her own because she had become tired of whining about the broken ones. 

When she pulled them out, she couldn’t help but comment about how beautiful they looked. They were these old-fashioned wall lanterns with a curled-arms design and a metal frame with elaborate scrollwork that looked lovely and old-fashioned. The lanterns looked beautiful and complemented the outside of the house due to the subtle rustic bronze finish (which turned out to be real but was treated to prevent additional damage to the metal). The bulb was housed in an amber cylindrical glass shade that reflected the rich amber across the entrance door and along the walls. In all honesty, Athena cherished the vintage beauty that the lanterns added to her ostentatiously modern home. She was unaware of the absence of the traditional elegance until they were hanging there.

The lanterns had been hanging next to her front entrance for around three weeks before she eventually got the truth out of May one day while they were enjoying their Saturday lunch at a little restaurant they had found. Despite her strong reluctance, May finally told her the truth after she promised to keep it to herself. As it happened, May wasn't the only one who had discovered the lanterns. She had asked for Buck's help. It seems that during one of their sister-brother lunches, Buck had finally had enough of her whining about arriving at their house and discovering that the outdoor lights were broken. And dragged her to the best antique store in Los Angeles, and spent roughly three hours there looking for the best outdoor lights they had.

Buck argued that he needed to find the right pair for her based on what May had told her. When she heard that, she started to cry a little. Buck apparently picked the lanterns because of their classic and graceful design, which made him think of her. She blushed a little at the remark, but she wasn't sure whether she should grumble at him for referring to her as old. However, she had to admit that they were beautiful, and she no longer wanted to think about how her home would appear without them.

As she tried to get ready for the confrontation that she knew would occur as soon as she opened the front door, Athena felt herself closing her eyes. Hell, she was aware that three individuals she had previously believed to be friends and her devoted husband were about to tell her some outright crap. If they believed she would support them in this battle, they had undoubtedly lost their minds.                                                                                                                                                 

But since she could simply kick Maddie and Chimney out of her home, they weren't the most problematic or concerning things she had right now. Somewhere inside of her, she hoped they would fight back so she could call the cops on them and let everyone see she wasn't supporting them. 

No, Bobby was the real problem for her. After all, he was her husband, but she didn't see her marriage continuing at the moment if Bobby didn't change, which devastated her. She never imagined that she would divorce Michael or meet someone else with whom she could live out the rest of her days. But even if she feared divorce, she wouldn't just stay with him for the sake of not wanting to go through another divorce. No, she would do what was right for her, and depending on what he said to her when she walked into her house, it could either mean that they would start attending counselling or a divorce. Additionally, she no longer hesitated to submit the necessary documents. She did, however, hope Bobby would eventually realise how much he had messed up.

Athena took one more deep breath before pushing open the front door and entering her home. All of the lights were turned on brightly, and as she walked into her hallway, she scanned the room for her unwelcome visitors and husband. Fortunately, she didn't need to look far. Chimney and Bobby sat at her dining room table, papers strewn about, on either side of Maddie, who appeared to have sat at the head of the table. As if she were conducting court in her home.

Athena couldn't help but grumble as she set her bag down and closed her front door, attempting to contain her rage. She couldn't believe Bobby would allow this to happen in her home. Even though they were married, she had a prenuptial agreement drawn up to protect her property (primarily because the house still belonged to both her and Michael), and she intended to give it to either May or Harry when they were older if they wanted it, or if she decided to move, she would speak with Michael about whether he wanted it back and sell it. But Bobby wasn't entitled to her house, so if they split up, she didn't have to worry about what she'd do to find somewhere else to live.

As she hung her car and house keys on the wooden key hook Harry built, she observed Maddie chatting hurriedly about something her lawyer had told her while grumbling about how unreasonable the DA was with her case. She couldn't help but roll her eyes at her statement. Of course, Maddie blamed everyone except herself.

She stood where she was, trying to listen in on what they were saying in order to figure out Maddie's endgame. She also wanted to know if Bobby was aware that Maddie intended to drag her into her legal issues. She did not care what happened to her or her job as a result of her conduct. She'd learnt a lot about Maddie over the past few weeks and could clearly see the type of woman she truly was. When Buck first introduced his sister to them, she thought she was a nice woman who had gone through a lot but had raised Buck well despite her problems with their parents. And, after what happened with her ex-husband, she saw herself as a survivor who had fought so hard to stay alive in a scenario that would traumatise even the most resilient of people.

But after Buck got hurt, she saw a different side of Maddie, one she suspected was one she tried to hide from everyone. She needed to keep control. She'd seen it with Chimney; the man always looked to her to make decisions, whether it was where to eat or what clothing to wear. Maddie was in charge. Then she noticed how she attempted to control Buck. Bobby had even stated once that he was grateful to have Maddie on his side when Buck was pushing himself too hard to return to work.

The revelation that Bobby had lied to Buck about who was preventing him from returning demonstrated Maddie's manipulative nature. After Buck stormed out, Athena was scrubbing the dishes when she overheard Bobby on the phone with someone. She had attempted to listen carefully to his side of the discussion, as she needed to know who he was speaking with. A small part of her hoped he would call Buck and apologise for what he had done. But she had been wrong. He called Maddie and explained what had happened. She remembers wanting to go give her a piece of her mind after hearing him call Buck childish and refusing to listen to reason, as if destroying someone's livelihood was a joke.

But she didn't. Instead, she stayed out of it, fearing that siding with Bobby would only hurt Buck more, but she now realised that was the wrong move. She should have stood up for him and told him as much when they last talked. But that didn't erase the fact that she had abandoned one of her children, and she was determined to make amends from now on.

She had already had five very long chats with Buck, as well as a dozen text messages back and forth. Buck did not tell her where he was, and she respected his decision to keep where he was hiding in case someone stole her phone to see if she knew where he was. She was aware that May had entered Buck's new phone number into her phone under a new name, and she had done the same, but instead of using another made-up name, she had entered Buck's number under the name Carter. Using her maiden name felt natural, as she had come to regard Buck as her son, and not just because of his relationship with Bobby. But because he was a good person who needed someone in his corner, and the fact that he trusted her with his new phone number just confirmed that their bond was as strong as it had always been, even before the bombing.

Athena sighed as she returned her gaze to the sight in front of her; she wished she had gone to Michael's and camped out in her ex-husband's home until she was ready to confront her husband and the two morons who believed they could get away with their crimes without consequences. But she was not going to let them get away with it. Not now, after they had already ruined so much of her family. No, she was prepared to handle whatever they hurled at her in her stern officer mask. Knowing that she would need to do so to keep herself calm and avoid doing anything she would later regret.

Without thinking twice, Athena walked into her kitchen, ignoring the chaos in her dining room, and went directly to the fridge for a cool bottle of water. She didn't want Maddie, Chimney, or Bobby to know she was unhappy with them until she acted. When they finally noticed her, she felt their eyes on her with every step she took. But before she could open the fridge, her eyes fell onto Bobby’s face without meaning to. She felt herself scoff at Bobby's bashful, pale expression when he realised she was home. He clearly wasn't aware of the time or expecting her to appear in her own home.

"Athena, I didn't hear you come in," Bobby said, getting to his feet, but Athena couldn't help but notice that he was giving her the same look Harry gave her when he was caught doing something wrong.

Athena hesitated as she turned and slowly opened her bottle of water, giving him the stern look she usually reserved for the criminals she dealt with before pouring the cool liquid into her mouth. She never imagined that she would have to use it on her own spouse again. Of course, she had used it on Michael and her children before, but only when they were testing her patience. She swallowed slowly, waiting to see whether Bobby would say anything else to her to explain himself for what he had gotten her into.

What she couldn't help but notice was Chimney and Maddie's sneaky gathering of the paperwork that littered the table, as if they were attempting to conceal evidence while the cops stood there observing. She couldn't believe how clueless they were until she noticed a document sitting next to her and felt herself stop. The document was a guardianship petition for a vulnerable adult, and what was even more alarming was that it was already nearly filled in with Maddie's fancy handwriting, which she used to make herself appear important. However, the name scribbled across the sheet caused her to freeze.

On the line that should hold the vulnerable adult’s name, there was Buck’s name.

Athena couldn't believe Maddie was trying this again. Hadn't she realised after the first time that no matter how many times she submitted the papers, the judges would change their minds? However, she noticed another document resting underneath it. It included a witness testimony filled out by her own husband. She recognised Bobby's handwriting and felt her heart fracture almost totally as she saw her own husband try to help a woman who had shown to everyone who wasn't blind that she was disturbed.

Maddie needed help, but she would never acknowledge that she was to blame. She saw herself as a victim and made it her life's mission to ensure that everyone else believed her. And when they didn't, she stopped being kind.

She had seen the 9-1-1 internal report that Sue had reported to the department HR after she had to attend the call centre to get a 9-1-1 call for another case. She had spent a good ten minutes talking to Sue about something before she brought it up to her. Sue had described how she had to get security to physically remove Maddie after she was found using their equipment to try and find her brother. She had also heard from Josh, who had made friends with Michael and David, that Maddie had always been difficult to deal with and that she enjoyed bragging to the proper people, believing that she earned recognition for simply going to work or claiming credit for other people's work.

Athena had dealt with such types of people her entire life and, unfortunately, understood that those situations never ended well. She knew that soon Maddie would learn that she couldn’t sweet-talk her way out of everything and her brother wasn’t going to save her this time. She only promised that she would not allow her family (meaning Buck, May, Harry, Michael and David) to get caught up in it. 

"Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on here, Bobby?" Athena enquired firmly, "And why are they in my house?" She hastily added as she replaced the lid on her bottle of water and set it gently on the kitchen island. She did not raise her voice. She did not have to. Buck had always remarked that when she was calm and silent, he knew she was truly angry, and Michael agreed.

"Bobby was nice enough to help me with my silly court date," Maddie stated, speaking in a charming tone. She had gotten up before pushing all of the documents to Chimney, who was hastily placing them in a folder. "I'm not sure why the DA is acting so stupidly by simply dropping the whole matter. My lawyer says he's attempting to save face, but I have nothing to worry about." She added.

Athena had to use all of her policing abilities not to laugh at Maddie's remark. Maddie had obviously lost her mind or was living on another planet; she couldn't tell which. Maddie's belief that she could walk away from assaulting two LAPD police officers with no consequences was mind-boggling. She had learnt from her captain that the DA was simply enjoying watching Maddie dig herself a deeper hole by declining the deal that he had offered. He only provided it to prevent a lengthy court battle and save Maddie money, but she plainly believed she was bulletproof.

She'd clearly forgotten that Buck's doorbell camera had captured the whole event. It was black and white; Maddie was in the wrong and had been given numerous opportunities to leave, but she believed she was entitled to Buck's apartment because she was his sister, and everyone else had to move out of her way.

"That's not what I've been hearing," Athena answered calmly, displaying no emotion at all. 

That remark caused Maddie's smile to freeze almost completely. She clearly assumed that everyone would fall for her lonely older sister, who had been abused by her horrible ex-husband and had done all to protect her poor little native brother. Athena couldn't believe how hard she'd tried to like this woman.

"And why am I hearing from my captain about you stating on record that I will be your star witness?" Athena enquired, crossing her arms.

That comment prompted Maddie to lose her obnoxious smile, which had been failing her since Athena had made it clear that she didn't agree with her perspective on what happened. She knew Maddie had plainly believed that she could control everyone around her with her sob story and that they would fall at her feet and be ready to do anything for her, just like Chimney appears to do, closely followed by her own husband. But, unlike Chimney, who Maddie seemed to influence through sex or his desire to be wanted and admired, Maddie utilised Bobby's fatherly instinct by exploiting his fear of losing another kid to control him and persuade him to consent to her strategies for controlling her brother.

As a police officer, Athena couldn't help but compare Maddie to a few narcissists she'd encountered in the past and how much harm they could do to people's self-esteem and make others wonder if they were to blame. Perhaps this is why Buck has always prioritised other people's feelings over his own. And it pained her heart even more to consider what kind of childhood he had had with a sister like that.

"Athena…" Bobby's words shattered the chilly stillness that had formed between them following her comment about knowing they expected her to step in and defend Maddie. "Maddie needs our help. When those officers grabbed her, she suffered a PTSD flashback. She wasn't sure what she was doing." Bobby continued.

Athena turned to face her husband with complete disgust on her face. She couldn't believe her husband was echoing Maddie's words back to her. Had they forgotten that she had been present that day? She had witnessed Maddie assaulting both officers when they attempted to remove her from an apartment that she had no right to enter, despite being warned several times already to leave. 

Athena shook her head and chuckled angrily, "Clearly, she remembers the altercation differently than I do. She was told to leave after attempting to break into an apartment she had no right to access and hurling homophobic slurs at the occupant. When my fellow officers attempted to stop her and remove her from the apartment complex, she assaulted them. Both physically and verbally."

Athena paused to see if her own husband might feel terrible about choosing Maddie's word above hers, but she didn't see it. Bobby merely stood there, staring blankly at her. As if what she was saying to them was an entirely different language to him. Was he so engrossed in Maddie's world that he didn't know what to do when the bubble broke?

"And I will be at the court; however, not on the defence side…" Athena continued, now returning her attention to Maddie, who appeared to be about to explode. "As a responding officer, I will testify to the DA about what I witnessed. I will provide complete details. Maddie, you were repeatedly advised that you had to leave, but you refused." 

"You cannot do that!" Chimney snapped, jumped to his feet, and spoke for the first time.

Athena rounded on him, wrath in her eyes. How dare he say that to her in her own home? No one could tell her what she could and couldn't do. No one, and especially not a man, had abused someone she considered a son. "I will do what I please, Chimney, and no one can tell me what I can and can't do." She snapped. 

"Athena, please, Maddie needs our support here." Bobby pleaded as he took a step towards her.

Athena noticed Maddie's pitiful expression as she was sending her husband, complete with fake tears, and she couldn't help but chuckle at the scene before her. "What Maddie needs, Bobby, is to take responsibility for her actions. Accept whatever punishment the court imposes and learn from it. Not make herself a victim of a predicament that she caused." Athena argued back.

Maddie then did something that just confirmed Athena's suspicions: Maddie was a spoiled child throwing a tantrum because others were not doing what she wanted. She stamped her foot and pouted, then crossed her arms around herself as if to console herself. "This is entirely Buck's fault. If he had just listened to me, none of this would have happened." Maddie shrieked.

"Buck had nothing to do with your actions, Maddie." Athena made it clear that she would not sit back and let her blame Buck for her behaviour. Buck wanted nothing more than to help others and would go to any length to do so. And yet, Maddie appears to enjoy blaming him for everything that has gone wrong in his life. 

"Come on, Athena, Buck is just an idiot," Chimney protested, scoffing at her before swiftly hiding behind Maddie when Athena turned to stare at him, challenging him to continue. 

"Buck needs guidance, including clear rules and consequences for his actions. He hasn't had it in so long that he's clearly acting out like a child, and you defending him isn't helping me change his behaviour." Maddie stated, scoffing and shaking her head. Her tone reminded Athena of an entitled parent scolding someone for attempting to fix their spoiled child's attitude. "He is clearly unable to care for himself," Maddie continued. "Rather than face his flaws like an adult, he ran away. Instead of accepting that we know what is best for him, he has decided to be a child and run away from all of his obligations, leaving us to clean up his mess."

Athena wanted to jump in and tell her that most of what she was saying was complete nonsense, and how dare she suggest that Buck was nothing more than a child who ran away from his problems when, in fact, he left to heal from the trauma caused by those who should have loved and protected him from that pain. But she didn't; instead, she kept letting Maddie dig her own grave.

"He certainly can't care for himself without our support. Look what happened when we left him alone: he left and let a stranger move into his apartment without consulting us. We know nothing about this person. He shouldn't be around someone as vulnerable as Buck. He clearly is a horrible influence, and the fact that he allowed that other man into Buck's apartment only proved that. Buck cannot be allowed around those types of people." Maddie proceeded. 

Athena was stunned by her comments and, for the first time, silent in the face of Maddie's allegations. 

"Yeah, did he get you to run a background check on this loser?" Chimney enquired, chuckling. "I do not think so. He probably found him online or paid him to live there."

"Exactly," Maddie replied, squeezing Chimney's arm as if she were stroking his head like a puppy and telling him he had done good. "Clearly, Buck doesn't know what he is doing if he didn't even make sure that this man wasn't going to destroy the apartment or, even worse, not pay the bills that could give me a headache in the future." Maddie shook her head while speaking.

Athena bites her lip again in response to the comment. Buck had the right to rent out his own apartment to anybody he chose. However, it was the comment about Buck's inability to determine whether someone was trustworthy or not. Did they think Buck didn't have any friends or know anyone outside of 118? Because from what she could recall, Buck had named a few friends throughout their time together, but they plainly had not listened to him.

"I am his older sister; if he wanted time away, he should have discussed it with me, and we could have scheduled a nearby retreat while I looked after his property and planned what he would do when he returned. I've found a few decent positions in a community centre near mine and Chimney's home, and Buck is perfectly equipped to assist us when we have children, allowing us to return to work earlier." Maddie proceeded.

Athena picked up her bottle of water and took another sip, wanting nothing more than to throw the remaining water in her face. Maddie was on her last nerve. How dare she think that just because she shared DNA with Buck, she had any control over his future? According to what she had learnt from Buck about his new life somewhere safe, he was doing well without the interference that comes with allowing his own sister into his life.

From what she heard about Mr Moore, he was a lovely and strong young man who had overcome adversity and emerged with only a few bruises. And the other man, who had also been there, was also a good man. If only they knew who they were slagging off. She felt herself internally smiling, as she couldn't wait to watch their reactions when they discovered who Buck had rented the apartment to and who the other man was.

"Instead, he was childish and ran away, leaving us to clean up his mess," Chimney growled. Athena's hackles were now up; she knew that if Buck had been in the room, she was confident that Chimney would have attacked him with how he was acting. "He needs to man up and get back here and apologise to Maddie for everything he's done and clean all this mess up." He added

"My lawyer stated that he is working on obtaining a court order to force that person to leave Buck's apartment and grant me rights to it, as well as a court order for Buck to return to LA to deal with the mess he caused. And has even set up papers for him to sign, granting me control so that he does not make these silly mistakes again. Then we can fix it up and rent it out to the appropriate people." Maddie completed. 

"Your apartment?" Athena enquired with a look. 

Did Maddie believe she could persuade a judge to make Buck sign over everything he possessed simply because she was his sister? Didn't her lawyer know they couldn't force Buck back to LA? The DA must have notified them that Buck's counsel had already agreed to provide Buck's written statement on his behalf, given that he was out of state and unable to return. And her statement about her lawyer securing a court order to kick Buck's renter out was total bullshit. No judge was going to help Maddie force out a paid renter from a property she did not own.

Maddie scoffed at Athena's words and waved her hand as if she were swatting a fly. "Athena, you know my brother." She replied, laughing and rolling her eyes. "He can't run a house properly, his credit is shot, and if he isn't careful, he will lose everything," Maddie said, shaking her head.

Athena suddenly realised something: Maddie had no idea how settled Buck genuinely was. He owned the apartment outright, and based on what she remembered of the pricing in that area, he must have had some funds in place, and with the rental money, he wasn't in danger of losing anything. Buck had also hinted over the phone that he had some money stashed up from past jobs, but she wasn't going to press him to tell her where the money came from because it was none of her business. Something Maddie obviously needed to learn.

"And since he cannot be trusted, I must do it. As usual, I'm cleaning up after him. I already have a nice tenant lined up for the place. He is a travelling businessman who makes a decent living and will look after the property. I simply need Buck to come back, get these ridiculous charges dropped, and have him sign the apartment over to me, and he will move in with me till I find the proper apartment for him. But only after he has learnt his lesson." Maddie argued.

Athena looked shocked, staring at Maddie like she had completely lost her mind. Did she actually think she was able to control an adult who had every right to live his life as he pleased, like a naughty child? She'd truly lost it now. This woman needed help, but Athena knew it would not go well if she stated it aloud. However, she was also tempted too.

"Athena…" Bobby's voice broke through the hush, effectively stopping Athena from saying anything. She turned to face Bobby, who appeared nervous.

"Buck needs to mature and accept responsibility for what happened. He cannot just avoid his problems. He has to face the consequences. And it's evident that he can't run things effectively; perhaps having Maddie take over for a while will help him. He can learn his lesson before he does himself harm again." Bobby replied with a brief shrug.

Athena couldn't believe what she was hearing; a part of her wanted to believe that this was all a dream and that her husband hadn't simply blamed all of Maddie's actions on Buck but had stood up for Buck and allowed Maddie to face the consequences of her own actions for the first time in her life.

"Have you all lost your minds?" Athena asked while keeping her voice as quiet as possible, which was quite difficult for her.

"You think Buck is the problem here?" She then asked, shaking her head. "Because from what I can tell, Buck isn't the problem here. Maddie, you're the one who broke the law. You are the one who has to face the consequences. Buck, no matter how you feel about him, is an adult with the same right to choose what he wants to do with his life as any of us. If he wants to move away and rent out his apartment, he can do so without anyone's permission." Athena spoke, her gaze shifting between the three of them to ensure that they were all listening to her.

"To answer your claim, Chimney, Mr Moore is one of the 136 firefighters and has been rated highly by his captain and colleagues. He is a young man building his own life." Athena proceeded. 

"The second man you saw, Maddie, is someone Bobby and Chimney know well. Thomas Kinard is one of 217." She said with a tiny laugh, noting the surprised expressions on both men's faces. 

"Tommy's not gay!" Chimney shouted out, visibly surprised by the news he had just received.

"It doesn't matter if he's gay or straight." Athena snapped with a fierce glare at Chimney. "Mr Moore brought Mr Kinard into his property, which he legitimately rents from the homeowner, and claiming that he is taking advantage of Buck is both disingenuous and incorrect. Just because Buck did what was good for him without consulting any of you does not imply, he is wrong." Athena finished.

Maddie and Chimney were both stunned by what Athena had just told them, but when she glanced at Bobby, she saw something she hadn't seen before: pain and humiliation. Good, he needed to feel those emotions. Because he had ruined his relationship with Buck, he had lost the son he had hoped to protect. She'd seen it countless times in her line of business. Parents who did everything they could to protect their child from the dangers around them, only to deprive them of the freedom they needed to thrive. Many rebelled dangerously, ending up in prison or rehab, unable to cope with the pressure and rules imposed by their parents, or they achieved success but desired no interaction with the people they perceived as controlling.

Maybe Bobby still had a chance to rebuild his relationship with Buck, but the way he was acting made it less likely that Buck would forgive him if he continued to side with Maddie. Everyone could see how much Bobby loved Buck as a son; she had even seen Buck tell him so, and yet he was determined to destroy any future he had with Buck in order to avoid admitting his mistake.

Athena realised she couldn't make Bobby see that what he was doing was just going to end in him losing another child. He had to go through it for himself to realise how terribly he had messed everything up. That being said, she was not going to lose her relationship with Buck. Not when she had worked so hard to earn his trust simply by listening to him.

"We certainly aren't talking about the same person, because the Buck I know is fully capable of managing his own life. He doesn't need anyone to tell him what he can and cannot do." Athena spoke firmly, leaving no space for dispute. 

"Athena, you do not know Buck like I do. He needs someone to watch over him before he does something stupid. Look what happened when he was left unsupervised. The last time I didn't watch him, he had a pulmonary embolism from pushing too hard to return to a dangerous career that he clearly isn't prepared for." Maddie argued. 

"See, Maddie is the best person to look after him," Chimney immediately added, but closed his mouth fast when Athena returned his gaze with her sergeant's expression. She was going to physically kick Chimney out of her home if he kept talking.

"More like control him," Athena shot back. She'd had enough. She would not allow this to continue; she would not let them scheme and plot against Buck in her home. 

"All three of you are going to listen closely…" Athena finally spoke, turning to face the three of them. She was going to tell them some painful realities. "...I am already aware of your grand plan to use me to try and get the judge to throw out Maddie's charges, but it's not happening." 

Athena said firmly. "I will also not testify to anyone that I believe Buck is a naive kid who needs monitoring and control from people who clearly do not care about him, because if they did, they would know exactly what kind of man he was: kind, hard-working, and someone who would always put others first, even if it meant putting himself in danger. He is one of the best-trained firefighters the LAFD has ever had, and they are devastated to have lost him." Athena proceeded.

For some reason, all of her anger over how they had handled Buck began to pour out of her, and once it did, she couldn't stop herself. "You three are supposed to care about the people you work to save, and yet you let your own greed and selfishness rob the people of LA of that care." 

Athena then turned back to her husband. "Bobby, I know you consider Buck to be your son, but did you ever look in his file to see how many qualifications he had accumulated?" She asked.

She hadn't seen Buck's file in person, but she had heard from other captains at events she had been to with Bobby, like at the gallery, where she ended up speaking with the captain of the 132 about how surprised he had been when he had learnt that Buck had left the LAFD. She had managed to obtain more information from him about why Buck was so popular within the department despite having minimal interaction with some of them and following the lawsuit. What she had discovered had been shocking and painful.

She had discovered that Buck had been sorted out by practically every captain on the job, not only because of his high academic scores but also because he was trained in heavy rescues, water rescues, and air and height rescues. He kept all of his certifications up to date and even exhibited an interest in expanding his talents, but they were never mentioned during the 118 gatherings. Bobby had never mentioned how Buck had missed their BBQ because he was updating his water rescue certificate, or how he had skipped the 118 picnic to help with teaching a high rescue class after one of the instructors called in sick. Bobby seemed to avoid disclosing how competent and skilled their youngest was

Athena had also learnt a lot more about her husband's conduct and perhaps some of the other grounds he was suspended on. It turned out that anytime any of the other captains heard about Buck's accomplishments and enquired about him, Bobby dismissed them, and when they attempted to look into his file, they discovered that no certifications had been posted until recently. It had taken all of the captains by surprise; one minute, Buck's file just included his previous certificates, and the next, all of the others that he had obtained appeared on it at once, like someone had uploaded them but hadn't hit send until recently.   According to the gossip mill, HR was personally attaching them to Buck's file after they had been made aware that no one had attached them, even though it was normally Bobby's job as Captain to do so.

"Because if you had and then added all the other credentials he had accumulated over the years, you would have used him far more than you did. He would have been your second in command, given his obvious abilities. Before the bombing, he had submitted his name to the lieutenant and would have received it if he hadn't been sidelined." Athena proceeded.

But before she could finish her statement, Chimney broke into laughter. "Buck a Lieutenant? Athena, don't make me laugh; he couldn't command anyone." He continued, but paused when Athena took a step towards him.

To say she was outraged is an understatement. "How dare you say that?" She snapped. "I've lost count of how many times I've seen others look to Buck for directions on scenes, but never once did they look to you, Chimney, unless it was for medical reasons and Hen wasn't available. Hell, I've seen other captains go to Buck for advice on the best course of action because, unlike all of you, they recognised his value."

And Athena knew she was right; she had seen it. Others had seen it. The Department Chiefs saw it. Buck was an incredible leader who might have gone a long way if given the opportunity. However, due to the selfishness of those in front of her, they would never know where Buck had ended up. She knew he would have gone far. Perhaps one day he will become Chief. 

"So let me be quite clear: I will not be testifying in Maddie's defence. I will testify to the truth. I won't help you in finding Buck and attempting to put him into a situation where he plainly removed himself for his own safety." Athena proceeded but suddenly stopped.

The following section was solely for Maddie, who looked at her with disgust. She couldn't believe how entitled this woman felt and how she assumed the world owed her anything. “And you,” Athena said, pointing directly at Maddie. “If you think about reporting Buck missing again, then maybe have your story straight and not get overheard on the phone in the waiting room explaining your little scheme.” She said, shaking her head. “You were overheard by three officers about how you planned to report him missing, and then get a judge to freeze his assets and then transfer everything to you. That’s fraud. And the only reason you weren’t charged was because they didn’t have enough evidence.” 

Maddie's face turned somewhat white, and Athena knew she had hit the nail on the head. Maddie had just wanted Buck reported missing, as that would allow her to gain control of what he had or get the police to perform her dirty work for her by looking for Buck. Even force Buck to return to her as if he were an unruly pupil who had skipped school and was being returned to their parent.

"Maddie, Buck is his own person, and you have to accept that he does not need you to run his life for him. He is capable of doing that himself. He has complete control over his own property and is free to do anything he wants with it. He is also entitled to privacy. If he wants to speak with you, he will do so on his own time, not yours." Athena spoke severely, leaving no space for dispute.

"But that's not fair," Maddie said. She sounded infantile, and Chimney rushed to soothe her, implying that it was the method she had previously used to accomplish what she wanted.

"Life isn't fair, and to make Buck do what you want also isn't fair," Athena argued.

After Athena's final statement, everyone fell silent, something Athena welcomed. It was difficult enough to keep her emotions under control while the three different people in front of her believed they had the right to dictate someone else's life simply because they believed in their own version of that person. It was as if they had formed an opinion on Buck and would not change it no matter how much proof was presented to them proving how wrong they were.

When she had yelled at Bobby previously, she hoped she had gotten through to him about how selfish he had been to Buck and how he had prioritised his own feelings over the man he viewed as a son. However, after Maddie had been detained and his suspension was extended, she realised he was essentially a lost cause. He had become obsessed with Maddie's image of Buck and let his fatherly instincts run wild. He was acting like a parent in attempting to protect Buck; nevertheless, he had only been hurting him since he had gone behind his back to the department. And how, thanks to Maddie's involvement, all Bobby could see was Buck as the problem, Buck as the one to blame, and both he and Maddie as victims of Buck's juvenile actions. To be honest, Athena wasn't sure Bobby would ever see things differently. This was a concern, as she wasn't sure whether their marriage could last if Bobby didn't change. 

"I think it is time for you to leave," Athena finally said, breaking the silence. She needed to talk to Bobby alone, without Maddie and Chimney defending him every time she disputed their point of view. No, she needed to have this conversation with her husband alone.

Maddie and Chimney both grimaced and turned to Bobby, most likely asking him to defend them or persuade her to back down, which was a joke, really. Bobby was well aware that this was her house. He couldn't argue with her.

Bobby sighed and said, "We'll pick this up tomorrow. I'll come over and we can go over the documents." He added, throwing Athena sideways glances as if he was attempting to mask his true intentions. However, she understood what he meant; she knew Bobby was aware that if they did something illegal, she would be the first to report it. Regardless of who was involved, he believed it was a good idea to bring two persons who appear to care only about themselves into her home with documents that she suspected had been taken or collected without authorisation or permission.

Maddie seemed to be prepared to turn on the waterworks to attempt to persuade Bobby to let her stay a bit longer so they could plan even more. However, this was not taking place at her home. She knew that as soon as she was alone, she had to get in touch with Buck and tell him what she had discovered about Maddie's plans. She didn't want Buck to get caught off guard. He had told her that he had an experienced attorney who was working with the DA on Maddie's case to ensure that she could not exploit their relationship to get out of what she had done. But now she had to warn him to ensure that he was safely hidden so Maddie wouldn't find him.

Fortunately, Maddie did not protest. Both Chimney and Maddie followed Bobby's lead and began to collect their possessions; nevertheless, Maddie continued sniffing, as if she was crying about how heartless she was for forcing them out. But she didn't care; Maddie needed to accept responsibility for her actions, and she wasn't going to allow her to try to guilt-trip her anymore.

As they retrieved their belongings, Athena couldn't help but observe Chimney's secrecy with the file that now housed all of their papers. The papers would most certainly reveal exactly what they had planned, but she couldn't simply demand them. But, at the same time, she knew Buck would hate himself if she put her job at risk, just as she knew Maddie would seek charges after telling her to her face that she would not defend her.

She knew Maddie would continue to look for Buck no matter what she said. She plainly believed that once she had Buck back under her control, she would be on top again. All current charges would be dropped, with the DA apologising for trying to hurt her. She would reclaim her position with a well-deserved promotion, while Josh would be demoted to a lowly dispatcher beneath her, as was proper. And she would have her brother back under her control, with access to his apartment (which she would profit from when she rented it out) and control over Buck's money, all while ensuring that he could never go against her again.

Athena realised that Maddie's desire for the perfect existence made her even more dangerous. Both towards Buck and everyone who stands in her way. It was why, as she saw Maddie hand her belongings to Chimney, she prayed Buck had established enough distance between himself and his selfish sister. Because she knew Maddie would not stop hunting for Buck until she was in jail, and she knew she would be unlikely to comply with any restraining order imposed. But Maddie's dedication scared her, because she knew she was unlikely to use any legal means to find him. She had confirmation of this when she sneaked into 9-1-1 headquarters and used their computers to search for Buck.

What would she do if she found him? How would she convince him to come back with her without using violence or threats? Would she threaten to hurt herself, make Buck feel bad for leaving, and force him to return to her, just to lock him here? Maddie was a master manipulator; she had witnessed it numerous times but had been too blind to stop it. Buck was also not immune to Maddie's acts, as she had seen how Buck would go above and beyond to support his sister, no matter what she did or how little she acknowledged him later.

Will she use that against him to get him to come back to her? She had also noted that since Maddie returned to Buck's life, the people in their circle had begun to change. It was as if her own opinions about her brother had swiftly become what everyone accepted as true. And no matter what Buck tried to try to sway their minds, he could not change their new perception of him.

Maddie saw him as a child who needed to be controlled since he was unable to manage his own life and was too naive to grasp what an adult would do or what was best for him, so they needed to help him see that; she needed to do it for him. And almost everyone immediately agrees with her. Hen was the only one in their close group who seemed to dispute Maddie's storyline. She had never entirely sided with Maddie, but she had also not completely stood up for Buck, which is probably why he hadn't contacted her. And she knew from their conversations that Hen blamed herself for not defending Buck more while he was around.

But then another notion struck her: would Maddie resort to violence to get Buck back? Would she do something that leaves him unable to defend himself, allowing her to control him while preventing him from escaping? Would she harm him and have him sign paperwork with Chimney as a witness to gain access to his funds and home?

That one practically rendered her sick. She never wanted to think of anyone hurting her son in that way, and it was terrible to think that someone would do that to anyone, let alone their own sibling. However, she couldn't put it past Maddie from trying it. She made a mental note to get the DA to check to make sure Maddie couldn't get her hands on any medication with her RN licence, which she knew she kept up to date to ensure she couldn't receive anything that she could use on Buck.

Buck deserved to live in a nice, safe, and quiet environment. A place where he could recuperate and live the rest of his life knowing that he stood up for himself and is now living his life as he wishes, without the need for anyone's approval. 

According to her conversations with Buck, Buck was doing well away from Los Angeles. He sounded lighter, and his laugh had begun to sound like it had during the first year she had known him. It was not forced or controlled. It was real. Buck told her about all of his new adventures. She still had no idea where he was, but he sounded so much better, and she wasn't going to let anyone destroy that.

If Maddie thought she could get away with this, she was extremely mistaken. She would fight for her son no matter who she had to fight, even if it meant fighting her own husband. She simply hoped they were prepared for the fight because she would never back down. As she continued to watch Maddie and Chimney collect their belongings, Athena stood motionless, observing every step they made. She also made a mental note to see if she could get one of her department friends to come and do a bug sweep of her house, as well as make a mental note to only have phone calls with Buck in her room. Athena knew that they couldn't have gotten into her room due to the lock she had put on her door when Bobby and she started sleeping separately. Now she was thankful she had.

She didn't believe Bobby would bug her house since he lived here as well, but she couldn't rule out Maddie wanting to listen in on her conversations and doing it behind his back. Athena knew that if she found out that she was talking to Buck, she didn't know what she would do. She knew Bobby wouldn't stand by her; instead, she was very sure he would demand Buck's phone number and call him himself, or he would steal her phone behind her back and message him from her phone and mislead Buck into answering her and find out what she knew.

As they finished collecting their bags, they began to move towards the door, Bobby in tow. They turned as they approached the door and began to say their goodbyes. Chimney held Maddie's bag and folder like a nice little lapdog, and Maddie hugged Bobby. Throughout the packing process, Maddie continued to play the victim. When she pulled Bobby into an embrace, Athena noticed her mask slip slightly as she stared at her. The entitlement was obvious in her expression, but there was also a sense of rage that she wasn't doing what she wanted.

She knew who she was looking at right now was the real Maddie; she also knew Maddie hated being challenged, which is exactly what she had done by refusing to help her. And in Maddie's world, this made her an adversary. Not that Athena worried; she enjoyed a good fight and was more than willing to defend Buck and her fellow officers from someone so entitled. She had had enough of Maddie's entitlement, and she would not let this happen in her home. 

However, when she watched the witch withdraw from her husband's embrace, Maddie swiftly reverted to her heartbroken and broken sister, displaying no hint of entitlement or rage when she gazed at her. Athena has seen criminals put on that type of mask before and was aware of how manipulative they could be. However, she couldn't understand how Bobby was falling for it despite knowing all of the facts. He felt compelled to support Maddie because she shared his views about Buck.

She assumed that was the end of it, that Maddie and Chimney would leave; unfortunately, Bobby did something that fuelled her rage even more. He smiled softly at them both, the same smile he used to give Buck during a father-son bonding moment, and added, "Everything will be fine. We'll have all of this cleared up and back to normal in no time." And then, as he opened the door to let them leave, Athena overheard something that solidified her thoughts on how this night would end.

Bobby continued clearly, but in low tones, as if he didn't want her to listen, "I'll talk to her." He remarked as Maddie smiled, nodded, and pushed Chimney out the door, followed by a flip of her hair. As if she were a youngster being told she was getting a pony for Christmas after one parent refused.

Athena had to turn away from them before finishing the last of her bottle of water, before proceeding to the recycling bin, where she threw the bottle in with a little more force than necessary to try to control her wrath. How could Bobby expect her to give in just because he tried to sweet-talk her? Did he know her at all? She would never let someone influence her into going against what she believed was right, regardless of whether she was married to them or not. Maybe this marriage wasn't what she thought it was anymore if Bobby believed he could guilt her into helping Maddie.

She stood in her kitchen for a few moments, staring at her sparkling worktops, trying to figure out how her life had come to this point. She had been so cautious after what happened to Michael; she hadn't allowed her heart to feel anything for anyone until she was certain that they were in it for the long run, and she believed that Bobby was the one. But perhaps she had allowed herself to fall blind once more.

Bobby, of course, had scars and baggage; he had told her everything about his past, and she felt ready to work towards a brighter future with someone new. He had been charming and funny, and he had made her feel better than she had ever felt before. But what sealed the deal was his genuine concern for the people he worked with. When she saw him with Buck, she assumed they were father and son, as did everyone else, and realised this was the type of person she wanted around her children. But now, watching how the same man would betray his son in such a way that he ran to escape his control made her want to keep her children as far away from him as possible so he couldn't harm them any more than he already had. 

May refused to speak with Bobby until necessary, and Harry kept himself secluded in his room whenever Bobby was present. Because of the stress in their family, both of her children preferred to spend time with their father. She couldn't let this go on. She refused to be used or controlled, as much as she did not want another failed marriage, but something had to give.

She didn't want to think about the 'd' word just yet, hoping that giving Bobby the shock of separation would be enough to bring him back together and begin to mend the bridges he had nearly shattered. But a part of her realised that this could be the end of their marriage. Athena closed her eyes and sighed. How did her life become this complicated? She had hoped that she had found a new life with Bobby. Her children liked him and the older brother he brought into the marriage, but that all changed when Bobby betrayed Buck, and her children instantly joined Buck's side.

Her eyes welled up with tears as she reflected on the life she had imagined for herself. She wanted to cry, break down, and grieve for the family she thought she had. But she wouldn't let her tears fall. Not when Bobby was still in the house, as she no longer trusted him to comfort her

The house grew silent as she heard the front door close and Bobby turn back to her, but she did not turn. Not until she regained control of her emotions, but she also didn't want Bobby to be near her right now. She would never use violence, but if Bobby pushed her, she was willing to call for help to get him to go. She didn't expect Bobby to hurt her, but she was prepared to protect herself if necessary.

When she heard him move closer to her, she opened her eyes but then remembered something she had seen that she hadn't noticed until now. She had seen three bottles of beer sitting in the recycling bin. A brand of which Chimney didn't drink. She knew he hated the brand, and she never brought that type. So it only meant one thing. Bobby started drinking. Something he had claimed he would never do.

But his late evenings out started to make sense. Had he been drinking outside the house to conceal the fact that he was drinking again? Or did he spend his nights in bars? Was Maddie and Chimney giving him a place to hide and drink his emotions away? All of those questions began to swirl about in her thoughts, and she wasn't sure which was worse: that he was lying to her that he had returned to the bottle? She was afraid to ask, primarily because she knew exactly who he would blame if she confronted him. 

Only when she heard Bobby's footsteps near the kitchen island did she turn and open her eyes. Coming face-to-face with her husband shouldn't have made her so angry, but she couldn't stop herself. 

"What are you doing, Bobby?" Athena enquired, crossing her arms and peering at him, attempting to determine what his plan was.

"I am trying to help," Bobby remarked quietly.

Athena caught a whiff of alcohol on Bobby's breath; he had been drinking, and based on the smell, he had consumed more than the three beers in the trash, implying that he was most likely hiding the extra bottles. "Are you? Because it sounds like you are attempting to cover up your mistakes and are digging yourself a deeper hole," Athena stated, shaking her head. 

"I am helping," Bobby said, then added, "Maddie doesn't deserve this; all she was trying to do was be a good sister and protect her brother."

Athena could not help but scoff and shake her head again before looking up before meeting Bobby's eyes, trying not to laugh. "No, she needs to open her eyes and realise that she needs to take responsibility for her own actions," Athena argued. "For Christ's sake, Bobby, she attacked two of my colleagues right in front of me after being told several times to leave the building. She refused, and when they attempted to make her, she attacked them."

Athena then leaned against the island, looking straight at Bobby. "This is Buck's property, and he is free to rent it to whoever he wants. Maddie has no right to believe that simply sharing DNA with him gives her the authority to break into the home and force out a legal renter who has authorisation to be there." Athena began, but her wrath grew as she stared at Bobby's blank gaze, as if none of her words were reaching him. It was as if he had created a wall inside himself, so that anything that contradicted his perception of what was going on did not reach him.

"Come on, Bobby; you heard her. She already had a tenant lined up, even though she had no authority to rent out Buck's property, force him to live with her or in a place she chose, and take control of his entire life, even though he is an adult." Athena replied, shaking her head at him.

"She didn't mean to hurt those officers; she was emotional, and when they grabbed her, it caused a flashback to what her ex did to her," Bobby argued, but Athena didn't hear any passion behind his words, as if he were reading from a script rather than believing in them.

"Bobby, she isn't the victim in this story. Buck is. Kyle is. Those officers are. She is an adult woman who broke the law, and she has to accept responsibility for her acts and face the consequences." Athena exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air and taking a step back from Bobby; she needed space. All she wanted to do was scream at him and ask why he appeared to want to destroy everything they'd achieved.

"But if Buck hadn't…" Bobby began to speak, but Athena suddenly felt herself crack.

"Buck is not the problem here," Athena snarled, and Bobby looked like she had slapped him. She knew she'd raised her voice, but he wanted to hear it again. "It's not Buck's fault. All he did was defend himself by fighting for his job he loved. And when he chose to leave a toxic environment where people he trusted were trying to control him for their own selfish purposes." Athena continued, but Bobby interrupted, attempting to defend their actions.

"It was for his own good," Bobby insisted.

"Really?" Athena laughed and shook her head. "Because from what I can tell, all Maddie wants is to take advantage of Buck's apartment and rent it out to whoever she wants while pocketing the money. Make him more in with her or move him to somewhere she believes is right for him, and take control of all his money and income. That's not for his own benefit; it's abuse. She should be well-versed in this matter. Athena shot back.

She then laughed: "And you... Stopping him from working in a job for which he was properly trained, and every dangerous stunt you deemed dangerous was well planned and something he was taught to execute. Despite being told he was ready by his doctors, you believed you knew better than everyone. but instead of expressing your worries, instead of talking like adults about your concern and developing together an effective action plan..." Athena proceeded. She hoped Bobby had listened to her before everything happened, but he didn't, believing he knew best. "Instead, you turned your back on a man you told me was your son." Athena stopped pointing her finger at Bobby.

"He wasn't ready," Bobby answered gently, not looking into her eyes.

"He wasn't, or you weren't?" Athena asked. "We have had this conversation before, and yet again, you cannot give me a good enough answer about why you thought Buck wasn't ready."

"He wasn’t the doctor at the ED said that he pushed himself too much…" Bobby continued. "He almost died in front of me again, Athena. I can't watch him almost die in front of me." Bobby finished.

Athena understood the second part of his statement; watching Buck cough up blood still haunted her to this day, and she had witnessed some horrific things in her life. At the same time, she understood that Bobby couldn't and shouldn't blame Buck for what had happened. She had asked Buck after he was discharged and discovered that he had thrown the clot due to the metal in his leg. And he received confirmation from his surgeon and consultant, as well as hospital letters apologising for the incident occurring under their supervision. She had heard that the hospital had reprimanded an ED doctor for conversing with someone other than the patient and leaping to conclusions without first determining the truth, which could have killed him.

"And it was proven that Buck had not pushed himself too hard, that his body had reacted to the metal that had been placed in him. You saw the paperwork that proved it, as well as how the ED doctor was penalised for leaping to conclusions without investigating further." Athena spoke gently. She needed to retain her calm now, so she went into her police training. 

She sighed and said, "You lost sight of who you were protecting. The man who was your firefighter, who was well-trained and had more qualifications than anyone I know, or who you considered to be your son."

Bobby stood there in silence for a long time, and Athena knew she'd struck a nerve. Bobby had long confused his roles as a firehouse captain and a father, and he couldn't tell the difference. A captain would never have forced one of his best men to leave work because he was concerned about him. A father would. Unfortunately, he had never fixed that mistake by either trusting Buck's abilities or enabling him to find another station to continue his work if he felt he couldn't be impartial.

"But Bobby, Buck isn't your son," Athena spoke gently. As much as it stung, she had to say it. They wished Buck were their son, but he wasn't. Buck had entered their life at the perfect time and had made such a significant difference. He had become her children's older brother. Someone May could talk to her about her issues, and Harry had someone to look up to. Buck was someone she could talk to, who would listen and tell her what he thought. He was an elder son and a friend all in one.

And to Bobby, he represented the son he had lost in the fire. And when Buck initially started, she had heard how lost he was from Hen. He needed someone to support him through his ups and downs. Have someone he could turn to for help and praise when he excelled at something. He needed a father figure in his life, and Bobby rejoiced at the chance to be someone else's father again. But he had gone too far. He had entirely forgotten that he was also his captain, who needed to treat him like any other firefighter when called upon, something Bobby couldn't do. Instead, he had crossed the line so drastically that he ended up hurting everyone.

"As much as you want him to be, Buck is not your son. Of course, I understand you care about him like a son, but he is an adult who can make his own life decisions, and instead of supporting him, you turned against him. You sided with his sister, who plainly prioritises herself and her comfort over Buck's needs." Athena proceeded. She needed Bobby to start processing this knowledge before he ruined himself and his family even further. But part of her sensed that it might be too late.

"He wasn't ready…" Bobby murmured, as if he was clutching his own lies for dear life so he wouldn't have to accept responsibility for this disaster. 

"For God's sake, do you hear yourself?" Athena cried out, flinging her hands in the air and staring at her husband as if he were a stranger. "Are you that foolish to continue believing that? Or are you just following Maddie's lead because you can't admit your mistakes?" Athena demanded. 

Even while she wanted answers to those questions, she was aware that she would most likely never receive them. She'd seen Bobby acknowledge fault before, both at work and at home. She'd even seen him accept fault in front of her children, but when it came down to Buck, he couldn't bring himself to step up and admit full responsibility. She had heard him concede that he was wrong on Buck's behalf but then go on to say that Buck was also to blame and needed to improve. He never accepted full responsibility; he always had to share the blame. Maybe that should have been a clue to her that Bobby would always regard Buck differently, but she hadn't noticed it.

"I cannot keep doing this, Bobby," Athena acknowledged, closing her eyes and slumping back against the kitchen counter. She didn't want to do it, but perhaps some space between them would allow them both to consider. 

"What?" Bobby enquired, and as Athena opened her eyes, she saw the worry written over his face.

"This Bobby! This manipulation of you attempting to persuade everyone to support Maddie and not listen to anyone else. Even the department has accepted blame and told you the same thing: your actions were against their policies, and you were wrong to hold Buck back and then condone the treatment that occurred when he returned. Nonetheless, you continue to portray yourself as the victim.  Just as Maddie is doing right now." Athena proceeded.

"We aren't, and Maddie is…" Bobby began, and Athena observed a glimmer of fury in Bobby's eyes as she said that.

"Don't you dare finish that sentence, Bobby." Athena snapped. But then she paused to attempt to control her fury so she could do this right. "Not after all I've said. She is merely a victim of her own actions. And for you to behave as if everything that has gone wrong in your and Maddie's lives is Buck's fault only proves that you will never accept responsibility for your own choices." Athena described feeling her heart crack as she summoned up the courage to speak what needed to be said.

Athena sighed again and felt her throat tighten, as if her heart didn't want her to speak what her head knew she had to say. This marriage couldn't carry on as it was; something was going to break, and she knew it would most likely be her, as Bobby was so preoccupied with his own issues that he didn't see the state of their marriage.

She always knew that losing Buck would be one of the few reasons they ended; if they lost Buck on the job or anything similar, Bobby would fall apart. But Buck hadn't died. He was alive and well. However, Bobby decided that he was dead. He had gone against what he wanted to happen, and according to the messages she found on Bobby's phone after he left it on the counter, Bobby had been texting Buck constantly, telling him how disappointed he was in him. How he had betrayed everyone and how he was the cause of all their pain. Three things she knew would destroy Buck if he read them. Thankfully, she knew Buck had turned off his old phone and was not planning on turning it back on anytime soon, so maybe when that time came, Buck would be in a better frame of mind to deal with all of the nasty things her husband was saying to him.

"If you aren't willing to admit that you are wrong, I don't know where that leaves us," Athena finally conceded. 

Looking at her husband, Athena found herself chuckling to herself and shook her head; Bobby showed no expression in response to what she had just said to him. It was as if her words were not getting through to him that this might be the end of their marriage if he didn't change. But maybe Bobby needed to be alone again in order to understand all the pain he caused, not just to her and her children, but also to Buck and others he hurt along the way.

"I think we need some time apart," Athena finally said after a few moments of silence, hoping that Bobby would try to save their marriage, but it appeared that she was the only one willing to fight for it. She'd done something similar before and only ended up getting hurt more. She wouldn't do that again. If Bobby didn't want to fight for their marriage, neither would she.

Bobby flinched slightly when he heard the comment, but he said nothing about it. That irritated Athena, and she felt her embers of wrath grow brighter as she stared at her husband, who didn't seem to mind that she was asking for space. Perhaps he didn't comprehend what she meant; they were already sleeping in different rooms, but did he realise she was asking him to leave? Maybe she'd have to explain it to him, just like she wanted to explain to Maddie that she could see right through her little victim act, as could others.

To ensure that there was no doubt with her question, she cleared her throat and said, "I think it is best if you find another place to stay until we can determine whether there is still a marriage to fight for. You can keep your belongings here until you find a place, but I do not want you to stay here until you realise how much pain you cause everyone."

That appeared to work, as Athena noticed Bobby turn a slightly pale shade when she told him she no longer wanted him in her home. But then Bobby's face became red, and he was no longer standing in front of her on the other side of the island. Instead, he paced violently, grumbling to himself before running his hands through his hair and returning his gaze to her.

"You keep saying that I am not admitting fault for what's happened, but I have." Bobby snapped, and Athena could hear the wrath in his voice as clearly as day. "It's Buck…" He spat Buck's name out as if it were bitter in his mouth. "...who cannot admit that he pushed himself too fast and hard to get back to work." Bobby continued.

But then he started pacing again, shaking his head as if he was attempting to control his own inner thoughts. "He caused Maddie to suffer some of the worst PTSD episodes she has ever suffered, and instead of staying and helping her heal, he ran away." He snapped. 

Bobby then started chuckling, which disturbed Athena greatly. As if he'd finally lost his mind. "Now you are taking his side." He replied, still chuckling.

"His side. Not mine. Your own husband." He scoffs and throws his arms in the air once again before proceeding. "Can't you see that this was his plan?" Athena felt her body freeze as she heard Bobby's twisted voice.

"He wants to get back at me for trying to protect him. He has already turned the department against me, and now my wife." Bobby continued as he rested against the island in front of Athena, as if he were attempting to persuade her to believe his own lies. "We were a team, and he has destroyed it." Bobby responded slowly, "But we don't have to let him; we can get through this." He proceeded. 

Athena couldn't help but feel herself taking a step back when she recognised the strong odour of alcohol on Bobby's breath; she realised she was right. He was drinking again. "Bobby, I will only tell you this once. Your actions are your own. You did it to yourself, not Buck. And now I won't ask you again. I want you to pack your bag and find another place to sleep. I don't want you in this house until you're willing to work on our marriage, since you are the only one who has destroyed it." Athena replied strongly. 

"But…" Bobby began to argue, but Athena would not let him continue. 

"You need help," she remarked forcefully. "You are drinking again and destroying any chance you have of getting back on the job, and unless you start changing, you are going to lose everything." 

"You can't do this," Bobby repeated hurriedly, as if he couldn't believe it was happening and that if he screamed it loudly enough, he would wake himself up from this nightmare. But no matter what he said, this was happening. 

"Yes, I can." Bobby, I can't stand by you anymore unless you stand up, own your mistakes, and seek the help you need. You are not the man I made my vows to." Athena accepted it and meant every word. Bobby was not the kind of man she married, and the shell in front of her was not who she knew.

"Until you fix this, I think we should separate for now." Athena went on, "Until you get the help you clearly need, I want you to move out. Given that you are suspended, I will help you in finding an apartment, but I do not want you to live in my home any longer."

"Please, Athena…" Bobby began to beg, approaching her as if begging would persuade her to reconsider her mind. 

"I'm sorry, Bobby, but you knew the limits of me when we got married. You betrayed me, my kids, and Buck with your choices, and if you cannot accept responsibility for your actions, we cannot move ahead." Athena replied strongly. 

She then turned and began to walk towards her room, intending to conceal herself there until she knew Bobby had packed his things and left, but as she approached the steps, she paused and turned to see her husband, who was still standing like a statue in the kitchen. Her heart began to crack a little as she saw Bobby's heartbreak, but she knew it was important.

"I need you to leave your keys on the counter when you leave. You don't have to take everything until you have a place, but you have to notify me when you want to return to get the rest of your belongings," Athena began, but then paused. She knew she was being too kind to Bobby, but she couldn't help herself; he was still her husband, even though their marriage was on the verge of collapse.

"I'm sorry, Bobby, but I can't do this anymore. You have to make a choice. It's either our marriage or your pride. But I'm not going to wait forever, so you need to pick which one is more important to you." She finished before turning away from her husband and slowly walking to her room.

She didn't rush; perhaps she wanted to give Bobby time to consider what she had said in the hopes that he would quickly change his mind to save their marriage, but as she moved down the corridor, she understood that her marriage was effectively ended. Bobby was not going to change. He was going to die on the hill he'd built himself. He was too engrossed in the fantasy world he had built; he was certain that he was right and that everyone who disagreed with him was wrong

Sure, Athena knew Maddie played a role in Bobby's inability to perceive what was wrong with his ideas, but unless he saw her as the evil witch that others did, he had little chance of turning on her. If he had to go down with her, so be it. She was not going to save him. She had too much to lose, and too many people, including Buck, expected her to stick up for them when they weren't around.

Athena unlocked her bedroom door, but before she could walk inside, she couldn't help but turn to check if Bobby had tried to follow her, only to find the corridor empty. With a sigh, she turned and entered her room, locking the door behind her. Her marriage was officially finished, but she wasn't about to simply file the paperwork and be done with it. She needed to give Bobby time to reflect on what he had lost before doing so. Maybe she was a little foolish to expect Bobby to fight for their marriage when he hadn't in the previous few months.

Athena leaned her forehead on the door for a few minutes, listening to the sounds on the other side. Bobby went to his room, and she heard cupboards and doors open and close without fury for nearly ten minutes before hearing him move down the hall, followed by the sound of her front door opening and closing silently. 

He'd left.

Athena eventually allowed tears to trickle down her cheeks. She prayed that this time away from her, the house, and the family he had grown to love would serve as a wake-up call for him to realise how much he had destroyed. But she knew deep down that it would not happen. This marked the end of her marriage.

Turning away from the door, Athena went to her ensuite and began her bath. She needed to wash away all of her anger and grief; she felt like a robot, merely carrying out activities she would typically do when she returned home from work without dealing with her feelings. She turned and took two scoops of the lavender Epsom salts Buck had given her for her birthday and mixed them with the bubble bath Buck had also given her, which had a lovely lavender vanilla aroma.

She stirred the water to encourage the bubbles to form before going into her bedroom and charging her phone. When she connected the wire, she saw five text messages. One from May, one from Michael, two from Maddie, and one from Bobby. Without realising what she was doing, she cleaned the screen and set her phone to do not disturb. She had planned to react to her daughter and ex-husband, but she wanted to forget about the outside world for the time being. 

She headed back to the bathroom and immediately climbed into the bath once the water had reached the right temperature for her. Allowing the warm water to circle her skin, she rested her head on the bath cushion that May had brought her when she refurbished the bathroom following Michael's leaving. 

She finally let herself cry. She couldn't hold them in any longer. How had her marriage fallen apart so suddenly? How had she missed her own husband falling so much that she couldn't recognise him anymore? She hadn't realised how much her husband preferred to argue rather than swallow his pride and admit that he was wrong. He was willing to end his relationship with a man he once considered a son rather than apologise and ask for forgiveness. 

Has she failed as a wife and mother? Could this have been avoided if she had paid more attention to Bobby?

But then she wiped her eyes and swallowed her own grief. She would never fail as a mother again. She had failed May and almost lost her daughter, and she had not clearly learnt from the experience, as she had done the same thing with Buck, but she would not let it happen again. 

She then relaxed in the water, closing her eyes. She intended to call Buck but not tell him what had happened to Bobby. Not that she was keeping it from him. She didn't want him to blame himself for the breakdown of her marriage. She was not about to allow her kid to blame himself for the catastrophe Bobby had made. Instead, she intended to tell him about the new book she was reading (which he had recommended) and about May and Harry. She would only tell Buck what happened to Bobby if he asked for it. 

Buck deserved peace, and she would defend it with every fibre of her soul. She would not fail him again. Not now.