Chapter Text
"Bruce, help!"
"Sorry Tim. Just let Harry cuddle you. You know he's just like this when he's pregnant." Bruce said, well enough away from the vortex of hugs that was Dick, Magus, Tom, Conner and Steph aggressively loving on Tim after his episode. He knew Damian was in that pile somewhere and Cass had willingly dove in but he was also not sure if anyone in that could breathe.
Jason also had the sense to not get sucked in and was standing next to Bruce. He had some parchment in hand and was idly manipulating the Hogwarts ward matrix, something that made Minerva twitch even though they all knew it was just a simulation of it, not the actual thing.
"There are a couple rough patches here but some attention from a goblin wardmaster could fix it or Uncle Bill, probably." Jason muttered, slipping the matrix on its side. Well one of its sides. It was less of a cube and more of a dodecahedron. Each face was etched with formulas and layered spell matrixes.
Bruce knew Jason was looking it over while Tom and Tim were occupied so they wouldn't demand a turn to look it over themselves. Older they may be, didn't stop them from squabbling with each other.
"Was that Northern Elvash I saw or do I need glasses?" Bruce said, squinting at the ward matrix.
"Yes to both." Jason said with a grin as he dodged the fond smack Bruce sent his way. "I saw some parselrunes that were supposedly from Slytherin. To be a fly in the room when Ravenclaw convinced Gryffindor to keep it in."
"Hn. How likely is it we can get the anti-aggression wards added to this like Underworld Gotham General has?" Bruce asked as Tom finally freed himself from the cuddle pile.
"Not to the main matrix but probably on key areas like the dorms and the hospital wing." Tom said, casually swiping the matrix from Jason who tried to get it back but Tom easily held him away with a foot. "Most other rooms and corridors need to be free of those types of runes in case of an attack and I doubt Hogwarts is willing to invest in guards with exceptions or brand a stamp on student and staff wands."
"And with the turnover with the DADA teacher every year, it's not good enough to just give the staff exclusion." Bruce grunted, watching as Tim managed to get out of the pile and, without knowing what Tom and Jason were fighting over, immediately attacked Jason.
"Did the Defense curse break in your timeline?" Minerva asked, watching the boys fight which got more combatants as more realized that the core of the cuddle pile was missing. She was mostly sure Dick and Damian joined the fray to drag Tim back to cuddling while Steph and Cass were just there to add to the chaos. Conner and Magus peacefully relaxed on the bed, watching the fracas.
Very chaotic but very contained.
"Yes. Jason, Conner and Damian all had the same professor - Professor Lisa Mizaki, a graduate of First Magic Academy in Tokyo. The Ministry really worked to reverse the severe brain drain caused by the wars and hired her and several other people from other countries. This started around when Hermione became Head of Foreign affairs and eventually Undersecretary and later Minister of Magic." Bruce explained, catching the simulation and parchment Jason was using as it was launched from the squabble bubble his children made.
"Ah, I knew Miss Granger would eventually ascend to lofty heights. What of Mr. Weasley?"
"Ron is co-head of DMLE with Susan Bones. He handles more of the training side while Susan does intelligence and connects with other countries. Both have done a lot with Scotland Yard since the Statue fell."
Bruce kept his face impassive as Minerva paled.
"What do you mean the Statue fell?"
"Fell" is a bit dramatic. More like it was dissolved. Surely, you didn't think it would last forever." Magus sidled up to their conversation, male once more and ignoring the fight - which has moved to the bed due to Conner tackling his siblings onto it - with all the skill of a longtime parent.
"When was it dissolved and why?" Minerva plucked up the courage to ask.
"It was...4 years after the Metahuman Protection Act was ratified, so 2016, I think?" Magus looked up at his husband for a confirmation and got a nod of agreement. "And it was just time. Metahumans are people who have an extra power from super speed to astral projection to being able to shift to a bunch of different animals. A lot of humans have the meta gene but for most, they live with it deactivated and unaware. It's like the prevailing theory that everyone has the gene to be magical but the majority do not have it prominently enough to actually use a wand."
"So most people are squibs?" Minerva asked, trying to wrap her mind about this.
"Let's put it this way. My mother was a muggleborn. Her parents and my aunt didn't have magic. My cousin Dudley also didn't have magic. His wife doesn't have magic. Their daughter does. Magic doesn't come out of a vacuum. The laws of the universe state that nothing from nothing is nothing. If my maternal grandparents were muggle - completely without magic - how did they produce a witch daughter and a witch great granddaughter who has two muggle parents?" Magus explains.
Minerva rubs her temples. "Evolution and genetics are not my strong points. Perhaps run this by Filius or even Poppy?"
"That's fine. I got off topic anyway. The reason the Statue was dissolved was because there were protections enacted for humans and human shaped beings with powers and they had to dissolve the Statue so they can also be covered by those protections. Granted, Wix still have places that are largely muggle inaccessible like all of the major schools, Unplottable counties and villages and certain magical districts but some countries have integrated with their muggle government and children can say to their friends and family what magical school they attend."
"There were some possible war talks, especially countries with highly different governments like Egypt and China but ultimately those led to the muggle governments backing off when they realized that the amount of magical people who could compel them to be peaceful was more than they could handle. We did have to send in some Justice League heroes to help with that but it settled down a bit after Terry, our youngest, was born." Bruce finished, pulling Magus to his side smoothly, both to cuddle and to avoid him getting hit by an accidental shoe. Judging by size, it was Cass'.
"WHAT ARE YOU HOOLIGANS DOING IN MY WARD?!"
"And thus we got kicked out."
"Maybe it's a good thing some of you are muggles," Hermione eyes the not even ashamed Batkids.
"Maybe. Anyway, Mum sent us to go find Ravenclaw's Diadem." Jason explained, leading the way to the Room of Requirement.
"And Tom isn't with us because?" Fred asked.
"He's monitoring Tim," Conner said.
"And?" George prodded.
"And he really isn't sure where the diadem is exactly so it's just as well we look for it." Steph said cheerfully like Voldemort being unable to find his soul container was no big deal.
Well, Hermione supposed, in the grand scheme of things, it probably isn't.
"The Room of Requirement, also known as the Come and Go room by the elves, is a part of Hogwarts that makes a room based on the desires of the summoner." Damian explains. "It pulls from everything that is available in Hogwarts and generates it in the room. It cannot make things and obeys Gamp's Third Law of Magical Theorem"
"That's some advanced stuff, short stack. Can I get that in English?" George teased, snatching his hand out of Damian's bite range after ruffling the youngest's hair.
"Basically the Room is made of Wish Magic and pulls anything in Hogwarts into the room to fulfill your wish. So it can pull books from the library or food made in the kitchens but can't make things itself." Conner summarizes.
That was fascinating. From the sounds of things, it would be a way to bypass the wards on the Restricted Section.
"And no, it can't pull from the Restricted Section because those wards ring a silent alarm if the books are removed from their place by someone or something not authorized to remove them." Jason said with a knowing look at her.
Drat.
"Why would You-Know-Who -" Gunny was cut off with boos from the Batkids. With a roll of her eyes, she continued. "Mold Vold hide his soul container here of all places and not the Chamber of Secrets?"
"I have an answer for that! So Tom didn't create this Horcrux until after he graduated. He didn't have access to the RoR until he returned to Hogwarts to apply for the DADA position. It's also the anchor for the Defense curse." Dick said as they got to the corridor where the Room was.
"Gee, he sure knew how to use his time efficiently," Fred remarked dryly.
"He still does, just not for nefarious means. How he is a paramedic and a vigilante sometimes with back to back shifts impresses the shit outta me every time." Stephanie marveled as they stopped in front of the painting of the wizard teaching trolls how to do ballet.
Cass, apparently fascinated by this, started mimicking them and offering her own tips.
Harry's future children were so odd.
"How it works is that you pace in front of this picture of Barnabus the Barmy teaching trolls ballet 3 times, thinking on what you need at the moment." Jason said as Damian demonstrated. "It should manifest a door and we can go look for it."
Sure enough, a massive door materialized in the corridor. All the vigilantes got out their brooms.
"You lot have brooms that work with muggles too?" Ginny narrowed her eyes on the gleaming sleek brooms - most in black but more with a splash of their chosen colors like blue for Nightwing or purple for Nightingale.
"Yeah but we don't use them often. I don't use mine much at all either for other reasons but more or less, we wind up just grappling or free running around." Conner said as they walked into the junky cavern. "We also have motorcycles and Dad has the Batmobile and Batvan."
"Who named it Bat-whatever? Bruce doesn't seem like the...type..." Hermione trailed off as she realized all the kids were looking at Dick. The man sighed gustily.
"Oh my god, you fuck ONE GOAT. I was 10, grieving my parents death and was a sarcastic shit."
"That excuse works for the initial Batman things but you went and called your own throwing projectiles 'wingdings'. You don't deserve rights, Dickwad." Jason said, dodging Dick's swipes at him while Steph cackled.
"We are going to pair off and look for the diadem. Choose someone to go with because we all know what the diadem looks like and can find it that way." Conner explained quietly as Cass mounted her broom and hovered by Harry. Harry looked a little baffled by the arrangement but didn't protest.
"We - well most of us can fly. Why not lend us brooms?" Ginny asked with a quick glance at her Hermione. Thoughtful, but she wasn't offended. She knew broom flight was outside of her expertise.
"Our brooms are stripped for pure speed so a lot of the safeguards that would be on brooms used for sport and leisure are gone - brakes, cushioning, weight distribution, etc. Our suits and gloves are made to grip it but we usually don't use it with a civilian - just to get us to places we can't apparate/portkey to." Conner says with a shrug while his siblings paired off with the remaining 'kids' - Steph with Ginny, Damian with Ron, Jason with Hermione. "I can carry someone if they don't mind being carried bridal style."
"Oh my Lord Black, at least wine and dine me first!" Fred fluttered his lashes as he all but fell into Conner's arms. The man didn't even stagger, easily picking up the ginger, an amused smirk on his lips.
"I have been scorned by my own twin! Leaving me alone for an older man!" George proclaimed, even as Dick flew over to him.
"He says this as he joins hands with an even older man." Fred rolls his eyes as Conner laughs.
"Well...at least you didn't destroy the room like in my timeline but I wasn't aware the twins had their portable swamps already ready." Magus said as he looked over the diadem.
"Augh, Magus knows all our tricks already." Fred pouted.
"Such a spoiler." George tsks.
"Name Drop!" Steph said cheerily.
"Are you going to just take out the horcrux and leave the diadem?" Tim asked as he looked over the ward matrix in Tom's lap who was also looking it over.
"Yes. It is quite a lovely magical artifact and there is really no need for me to mangle it if I have a non-destructive way to remove the taint." Magus said, pressing his fingers into the large sapphire at the apex of the crown. He did a little digging then pulled out the oily black goop that made up the horcrux. Fiendfire flared in his hand and, with a dying scream, it was gone.
"So we have the ring, the snake and the cup left then Voldemort himself, right?" says Dick.
"You forgot the locket." Tom says.
"Shite, we forgot the locket. We were JUST at Grimmauld Place too!" Magus facepalms. Tom's head tilts.
"I had that in a cave. Why would it be in Grimmauld?"
"I forgot to tell you love, sorry. So Regulus did make the cave and all the inferus but at the last moment he decided to have Kretcher get the real locket and replaced it with a fake. I only found this out after Dumbledore died and Mundungus had stripped the valuables of Grimmauld. He had sold the locket to Umbridge and she insisted that the S stood for Selwyn." Magus explains. Tom's face went through at least 10 emotions but the top one was disgust.
"Please don't tell me she wore it. That probably tainted it more than it being a horcrux."
"She did."
"I said don't tell me!"
"We have something bigger to deal with before that." Harry said grimly from the door.
Cass held up a cage and inside was a rat.
A rat with a silver paw that was very visibly panicking.
"Oh, do tell."
Earlier....
Harry walked through the strange piles of junk in the Room of Requirement. Cass silently flew beside him, her eyes darting about to see if the diadem will pop up.
At least, he assumed she was. Couldn't quite see her eyes behind the full face mask she had on. How was she able to see?
"The lenses over my eyes are black so I can see out but people can't see in." came her quiet voice. Harry jumped nearly a foot.
"Wha- really? That's cool. Is it a technology thing or just magic?" He asked, patting his chest to calm his pounding heart.
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"Yes."
"Right then." Harry felt like he was talking to a less verbose Luna. Not a bad thing, really, just odd.
"Different isn't always scary." Cass said suddenly.
"Wot?"
"Your timeline will be different from Mum's. That's not scary. Just different." Cass elaborated, doing a lazy barrel roll in the air. "You may not have the same things he has or even meet the same people but you are getting better chances. We are giving you better chances."
"But how do you know?" Harry asked a little desperately. "How do you know this will lead to good things for me?"
"Not good, not bad. Just different. You're free to do something else that isn't Boy-Who-Lived." Cass said breezily. Harry stared at her with wide eyes.
"I can do something else."
Cass nodded and dived down to pick up something that squeaked and squealed.
"And this is something to make it tilt towards good." She held the thing up by its tail.
It's Wormtail if you will.
"Wormtail!" Harry quickly made a cage and Cass dropped the animagus in it. "I don't know how to make it so he won't get out."
"I got it." Cass pulls out a sticker sheet from her utility belt and peels off one of the stickers and sticks it to the bottom of the cage. A blue light races over it and Wormtail is knocked out. "Rune sticker. Conner made it for the Colony if we needed to use a spell."
"That... that's brilliant." Harry remarked softly as Cass put the sticker sheet away. "Think you can convince him to teach Hermione?"
Cass nodded and although he couldn't see her face, he could tell she was smiling.
"Brilliant. With this, we can get Sirius exonerated. From there we just need the cup, ring, locket and snake." Magus said, lazily spinning the cage on its axis. Not fast enough to hurt Wormtail but just fast enough to distress him.
If Padfoot hungrily staring up with his mouth open, teeth gleaming and drool dripping wasn't stressing him enough.
"We could get the Locket now." Tom points out. Magus turns it over in his mind for a beat.
"The main issue there is Kretcher who, even bound to obey Sirius, is not bound enough to completely obey him so it's better to wait until Sirius is fully Lord Black and to have him order to have the locket turned over. I wish we can use Sirius' appointment as Lord Black to get the Cup but Bellatrix has it in the LeStrange family vault."
"I could go to Azkaban and order Bella, as her Lord, to release the cup to me." Tom says, idly.
"I have a crazy idea that might work." Tim pipes up. With the attention on him, he elaborates to the fullest extent.
"Taxes."
"Oh."
"Brilliant."
"Why didn't we think of that in the first place?"
"Damn, outed by the magical IRS."
"Can someone explain to me because I am confused." Hermione raised her hand like a kid in a classroom.
"So, monetary systems have taxes. That's how banks are allowed to run and how they collect money to pay for rent, lights, whatever they need. You aren't just putting your money in the bank - you are basically lending the money to the bank so they can use it for stuff. Since Wizarding Banks are far more wild in what they will hold in a vault - riches, artifacts, heirlooms, the whole nine - their taxes are a lot more ...intense." Jason explains.
"Basically Tim's idea is that we tell Gringotts that the Cup is a horcrux and that since they were not informed it was that but a dark artifact, House LeStrange are considered committing Fraud since the taxes in fees on a soul container is waaaaay higher than that of a dark artifact or cursed object. Basically they were cheated out of Hazard Pay." Conner completes, glancing at Tim to make sure he got it right. Tim nods, attention already back on the ward matrix.
"How do you even know all this?" Ginny asked, a little baffled. Conner shrugged.
"Dad's a billionaire, Mum's a millionaire, Sirius made me heir of House Black so I had to do a lot of inventory for House Black and let me tell you, there was SO MUCH fraud happening in those vaults. If I wasn't half kryptonian, the goblins would have had my head on a pike somewhere."
"Most of my kids know estate management to some degree at least and outside of social hierarchy a lot of it is taxes and moving money around." Magus said, lowering the cage closer and closer to Padfoot maw amid the terrified squeaks of Wormtail.
"I have some news!" Remus came into the medbay. He does a double take seeing Wormtail but quickly composes himself.
"Gotham and Bruce do exist in this universe!"