Archive of Our Own ^beta

   “I am not!” Audrey cried, utterly indignant.

   Uma raised an eyebrow, leaning back in her chair as she took a bite of the bagel-like thing that she had ordered.

   “You are, too. That crap you put on at night scares old folks and small children,” Uma answered, and Jane nodded in agreeance. Uma made a slight face as she looked at the bagel, not entirely sure she liked the taste.

   “Yeah… She’s scared me before,” Jane confessed.

   Mal huffed, shaking her head as Uma leaned forward to put the bagel back onto her plate.

   “You guys should see Evie’s skin routine. I thought the monster from under the bed decided to crawl out and say hi,” Mal told them, and Evie narrowed her eyes at Mal.

   “It’s a deep cleaning facial,” Evie stated simply.

   Mal shared a glance with Uma, and they both shook their heads, grinning.

   Currently, the five of them were out for lunch for the first time since Mal and Evie had returned with Carlos, Jay, and Ben from their voyage. Uma had, of course, seen them all since returning, but it was the first time that Mal and Evie had actually been there with Uma, Audrey, and Jane in a setting where they could just relax.

   It was honestly like the old gang had gotten back together again. Considering how busy they had all been, this had been something that Uma admittedly had missed quite a bit, despite the fact that she would never admit it.

   They were currently seated at a rounded table. Uma had Audrey on her left and Evie on her right. To the right of Evie was Mal and to Mal’s right was Jane. Jane was on Audrey’s left as they completed the circle around the table.

   “So, changing the subject a little bit, but Uma… How’s it been going at Auradon Prep?” Mal asked, and Uma narrowed her eyes just a little, the humor of the prior conversation disappearing with the thought of Red in her mischief-making ways.

   The manner in which Mal had just the slightest hint of a sparkle of mirth in her eyes told Uma that Evie must have already told her something about Uma’s problem child, but she figured that she would go ahead and complain about her anyway.

   “Been peachy keen. Apart from that new kid,” Uma answered simply, scratching her eyebrow as she eyed the other girl that was on the other side of Evie.

   “Red?” Mal asked, tilting her head.

   Now Uma knew for sure that Evie had told her about her.

   “Yeah. I take it Evie’s been giving you an earful,” Uma acknowledged, deciding to just air her suspicions aloud.

   Mal moved her head in a conceding gesture.

   “She might’ve shared a little something with me after her principal for a day thing.”

   “Uh-huh,” Uma answered simply, and Evie shrugged with a smile.

   “M asked, and I thought that it wouldn’t hurt anything to tell her about Red and Chloe. They were the only two kids I talked to during my time as principal,” Evie told her.

   “I think they’re the only two kids I’ve talked to during my time as principal, too,” Uma confessed.

   “You’ve been there since the beginning of the semester, though?” Jane asked, tilting her head in confusion. Uma nodded, looking at Jane with nothing but seriousness.

   “Exactly my point.”

   Mal shared a glance with Evie, and Uma instantly felt a bit defensive. However, as Mal looked back at her, she seemed relatively impassive.

   But Uma was not about to believe that act.

   “Red’s been giving you a hard time then,” Mal said.

   “It’s been one thing right after the next, if that’s what you mean,” Uma simply answered, not wanting to seem too bothered after what she had managed to garner from Mal’s actions.

   “Oh, is she that kid that was in the office when you were bragging so much about keeping a tight ship?” Audrey questioned, the smirk on her face growing by the second as she enjoyed her own comment and the turn of the situation.

   “Look, all the normal kids steer a wide berth and walk the line,” Uma informed her, pointing at the pink princess next to her. Uma then looked back at Mal.

   “Red… Well, Red’s something else. More than I want to put up with sometimes,” Uma pointed out, rubbing her head a little.

   “Aww, is the little girl too hard for you?” Audrey condescendingly questioned, her voice taking a tone as if she were speaking to a small child

   “No. That ‘little girl’ is the devil,” Uma defended, feeling irritation rise up within her at the implication.

   “Now you’re just being dramatic. I find that she had an excellent sense of humor when I saw her for the first time,” Audrey giggled wickedly, and Uma scoffed.

   “She’s a little turd is what she is,” Uma responded.

   “Should send her butt back to Wonderland,” Uma grumbled, rolling her eyes as she sat back in her chair more fully.

   Jane furrowed her brow.

   “Wait… Uma, didn’t you ask for Red?” Jane asked innocently, and Uma instantly looked at Jane, a silence falling over her.

   Just a few moments after Jane uttered the words, Audrey laughed heartily. Mal smirked widely as she laughed with Audrey, and Evie tried to maintain a straight face as she looked at Uma sympathetically. Uma narrowed her eyes, clenching her jaw.

   “You literally asked for this! My gosh, this day keeps getting better for me,” Audrey cackled, and Uma let out a deep breath.

   “Look, I didn’t know when she came here that she was going to steal my dog and give her the ol’ shave and a haircut two bits routine,” Uma shot back at her, and Audrey raised her eyebrows, looking utterly gleeful.

   “And she got Jade, too?! This kid is my hero!”

   “Audrey,” Evie addressed her in a patient scold before looking at Uma kindly.

   “Listen, I understand that Red’s a handful. And if she’s giving you a hard time, you’re allowed to take a break,” Evie spoke up, and Uma narrowed her eyes a little as Evie patted her hand kindly.

   Uma honestly was not sure if Evie was making fun of her or if she was being genuine. The thing about Evie was that unless she was being obvious, it was sometimes hard to tell.

   “Yeah. Don’t worry, if you feel like you’re not cut out for this whole principal thing, I can find somebody else to fill in until a permanent principal gets hired,” Mal smirked widely.

   Now with Mal, it was no question that her motives were not with the best intentions in mind.

   Uma felt a flare of anger and embarrassment run through her simultaneously.

   “That’s not necessary. I’m fine,” Uma responded, her tone tense as she replied, and Audrey was still smiling, smugness in her expression as she looked at the pirate.

   “You sure? You seem to be having quite a run trying to handle your little buddy,” Audrey far too cheerily pointed out. Uma glared at her, watching Audrey as she lifted her far-too-overpriced coffee to her lips.

   Uma scoffed, figuring that she would take her opportunity to get the pink princess back. Audrey, although Uma’s best friend, was unbearable when she was smug, and Uma was more than eager to knock her off of that irritating pedestal of superiority.

   “You know you’re drinking that elephant coffee, right?” Uma told her, having already noticed this earlier when Audrey was ordering and recognizing the brand from some video that she had seen on Auragram.

   “Elephant coffee?” Audrey questioned, raising an eyebrow as she took a long sip.

   “Yeah. That kind where they get the coffee beans after they dig through the elephant’s poo like a bunch of little birds,” Uma clarified.

   Audrey’s eyes went comically large as she instantly spit, the liquid coming out of her mouth as it shot across the table in a brown spray. Evie and Jane jumped back and out of the way in time to avoid it, but Mal was not so lucky.

   Mal shut her eyes tightly, freezing in place, and Audrey furiously wiped her tongue on her napkin. Everyone else was quiet as they watched this exchange. As Audrey looked across the table, she slowly stopped wiping her tongue, blinking as Mal slowly opened her eyes, a grimace on her face.

   “Sorry,” Audrey apologized, attempting to muster some amount of dignity despite her very undignified display.

   As soon as she uttered the words, Uma and Jane started to laugh. This honestly worked perfectly for Uma. She managed to get both Audrey and Mal back at the same time after all of their comments from earlier.

   For her part, Evie barely managed to hold her laughter in, pursing her lips with her eyes sparkling in mirth. She refocused her attention to the napkins nearby, grabbing them and moving to wipe Mal’s face fondly as Mal wiped her eye on the opposite side from where Evie was dabbing the liquid away.

   “You see the look on her face?” Uma cackled, wholeheartedly enjoying this, and Jane nodded, laughing in spite of herself.

   Evie bit the inside of her cheek as she chose to instead worry over Mal.

   “E, I’m not wearing makeup. No need to do the upward strokes,” Mal looked at Evie. Evie shrugged her shoulders.

   “Sorry. It’s habit, M,” Evie answered.

   “Yeah. Trained since you could talk,” Mal commented, and Evie pursed her lips, still trying not to laugh along with Uma and Jane.

   “Mmhmm,” Evie responded simply. Mal narrowed her eyes a little as Evie pulled back from cleaning Mal up, placing the napkin to the side.

   “Wow… That was amazing,” Uma finally was coming down from the laughter, her hand on her stomach as she let out a long breath.

   Audrey slapped Uma’s knee, thoroughly offended.

   “You’re horrid!” Audrey announced.

   “Call it payback, Miss Piggy,” Uma proudly answered her.

   “Don’t call me that!” Audrey started off loud but finished off the cry as a hiss as she glared at Uma.

   Uma chuckled, shaking her head as she grinned.

   Evie straightened, clearing her throat as she looked to Uma pointedly.

   “But, Uma, to move back to your Red situation, I think that she really does look up to you,” Evie spoke up, a genuineness in her voice that told Uma that Evie really believed that crap.

   “I appreciate it, but I’d really rather you not blow smoke up my rear end,” Uma scoffed, and Evie shook her head. Audrey snorted lightly, a small smirk on her face.

   “No, I’m serious. I think you’re really making a positive difference in her life,” Evie assured her, and Uma just looked at her.

   “Uh-huh. And I’m going to adopt her and be her Auradon mama, too,” Uma deadpanned, and Evie huffed, shaking her head.

   “Just think about it. Why do you think she causes so much trouble?” Evie asked, and Mal watched Evie and Uma as they had this exchange.

   “Because she loves it?”

   “Or because she’s trying to get your attention,” Evie pointed out, and Uma shook her head.

   “Yeah, right. The only ‘tention she’s getting is de-tention,” Uma replied, and Evie sighed before looking suddenly more interested as she peered around Uma somewhere behind her.

   “Whatchu looking at?” Uma questioned.

   However, Evie’s face suddenly shifted to that of a smile as she offered a small wave. Uma furrowed her brow, narrowing her eyes.

   “Hi, everyone!” a voice suddenly spoke up from behind Uma.

   Uma unfortunately recognized that voice, and she could not help but wonder if there was someone accompanying the owner of the voice that happened to be the very girl in question from her prior conversation.

   “Sup, Cap’n Crunch.”

   Yep. There was the girl in question.

   Uma turned around in her chair to get a look at the two girls behind her, and as she looked around, there was none other than Chloe and Red standing there. Red was smirking a little as she looked down at Uma from where she was standing near her, a donut in hand.

   Chloe shifted away so that she was closer to Evie, her donut held in her hands, and Red remained closer to Uma.

   “Hi, Evie!” Chloe instantly greeted, making sure she spoke to her hero first and foremost.

   “And oh, my gosh, Queen Mal, it’s so good to meet you,” Chloe addressed the purple-haired faerie as if she had not just addressed someone else before the literal Queen of Auradon, and Mal smiled a little.

   “Hi. Mal’s fine. And it’s good to meet you, too,” Mal drug out the last bit of her statement as she subtly cued Chloe to introduce herself. Chloe instantly perked up.

   “Chloe Charming!” Chloe told her, and Mal raised her eyebrows.

   “Chad’s sister?” Mal asked, and Chloe nodded quickly.

   “Yes! Although, I prefer to be known as Prince Charming’s daughter,” Chloe confessed somewhat sheepishly, and Mal huffed.

   “Yeah, I would, too, kid,” Mal agreed, shaking her head tiredly.

   “And it’s so good to meet you, too, Jane! Daughter of the Fairy Godmother,” Chloe turned to her as she addressed the brunette.

   “Yeah—”

   “Actually, how have we not met before? You’re the daughter of the Fairy Godmother, I’m the daughter of Cinderella? It would make sense that we would know each other, right?” Chloe acknowledged, furrowing her brow.

   “We have met,” Jane pointed out, and Chloe furrowed her brow in confusion.

   “We have?”

   “Yeah… I was the girl that always stuck in the corner of parties, looking down at a book. My mom introduced us once… I think I was looking down at a book, then, too… I was really shy,” Jane admitted in explanation.

   “Oh… Wait, can I see the top of your head?” Chloe asked curiously. Red raised an eyebrow.

   Jane complied, bending her head down, and Chloe nodded, her eyes widening in recognition.

   “Oh, yeah!!! I remember! I was literally like three, though.”

   “Yeah…”

   “Well, it’s good to meet you again!” Chloe cheerfully told her, offering a bright smile as she looked at Jane. Jane smiled at her in return.

   “Hey, Chloe,” Audrey greeted, and Chloe actually looked at Audrey for the first time since she came to the table. Chloe eyed her for a moment, her smile faltering as she offered a tight-lipped smile.

   “Hi, Audrey,” Chloe responded politely.

  Uma glanced between them, surprised. She had never seen Chloe respond in a way that was anything other than friendly as she could possibly be when meeting new people.

   “You’ve grown up so much since I last saw you,” Audrey smiled kindly, and Chloe nodded to her.

   “Yeah. And look at you. You’re back to the brown again,” Chloe pointed out, gesturing to Audrey’s hair.

   Audrey nodded, smiling somewhat tensely as she looked down. Chloe looked down as well, and Uma could see that there were definitely some unresolved tensions between those two.

   Of course, given that Chloe was Chad’s sister and Audrey was his ex that never really treated him all that well anyway, there was naturally bound to be some problems.

   At the small lull in conversation, Red put her hands on her hips, looking around before her attentions fell upon Uma.

   “So… Is it bingo night here at the Waffle Hut?” Red questioned, smirking widely, and Uma rolled her eyes.

   Audrey laughed lightly, but Uma could see that she resented the comment about their ages and, as a direct result, her own age. She just knew that the pink princess was going to go into some kind of tirade later about wrinkles and aging and how she oiled herself and made sure her skin was fully moisturized.

   “For your information, we hung out at the Waffle Hut before it was cool,” Mal pointed out to her, relatively unfazed as she smirked a little and shared a glance with Evie. Evie smiled in response to her, raising an eyebrow with a nod.

   “Huh. If you guys hung out here, I don’t know how it’s cool now,” Red acknowledged. Chloe let out a squeak before hissing a scold in Red’s direction. Red just remained staring at Mal calmly.

   “So you’re Red?” Mal asked simply, and Red nodded.

   “One and only.”

   “Ah… Well, you’re a cute kid, aren’t you?” Mal grinned, and Uma could practically see the dripping of the condescendence in Mal’s comment.

   “And you’re such a sweet old lady,” Red answered her in the same tone of false kindness.

   Chloe and Evie looked at their respective best friends, and Uma almost laughed, but she kept herself together as she enjoyed Mal getting what she deserved after making fun of Uma for her situation with Red.

   “So, Red, been getting into any shenanigans at school with Uma? Well, besides the whole thing with her dog,” Audrey spoke up, obviously wanting more material to make fun of Uma with.

   Uma glanced at Red where she had moved to be more at Uma’s side than standing behind her, one hand on the back of Uma’s chair.

   “Nah. Been paying for that one too much to get anything new going. At least big new things. And I love how you say shenanigans. It’s such an old people word,” Red pointed out, and Uma grinned a little, hiding it by taking a drink from her cup.

   Audrey took in a sharp breath, and Uma could see the anger flash over her. Uma knew that Red was just being a turd because she could. After all, she did love to talk about the original VKs and AKs being old.

   “Well, with a traditional princess raising, you learn lots of complicated vocabulary and they often slip into the course of everyday conversation,” Audrey declared, trying to get back at Red, and Red shrugged, tilting her head a little.

   “Y’know, I had the same kind of raising but that’s somehow never happened to me,” Red responded effortlessly, calling her pretentious without using the word.

   Uma could tell Audrey was definitely mad now, and Uma could not help but appreciate Red. She had come in at the perfect time and she was actually working to Uma’s advantage rather than being against her.

   “Oh, and Uma, how’s that rash?” Red asked her, poking the pirate’s shoulder.

   Uma froze as her mind went completely on tilt trying to figure out how Red had found out about her situation. She had to have heard Uma talking on the phone in her office somehow. Uma made a mental note to herself to check her office for bugs.

   She should have figured that Red could work to her advantage for only so long.

   She could feel Audrey, Mal, and Jane all staring at her. Evie might would have stared, too, but Chloe had not stopped talking to her since she and Red had arrived. So she did not have much time to do anything else.

   Uma looked up at Red, handling it with perfect nonchalance as she raised an eyebrow at her.

   “How’s your infection?” Uma asked, not really having any idea if Red had an infection or not but figuring she would throw it out there for the sake of returning the embarrassing favor.

   Red raised her eyebrows, nodding slowly with a grin.

   “Touche,” she simply replied.

   Uma shrugged, huffing.

   Red shrugged, directing her attention to Chloe.

   “C’mon, Chlo. I’m going to the mall with or without you because I’m not about to miss that sale,” Red informed her. Chloe let out a breath, glancing between Red and Evie before saying her goodbyes to Evie.

   “I didn’t take you for the shopping kind,” Audrey acknowledged, offering her a onceover.

   “When it comes to leather, it’s every woman for herself,” Red said as Chloe sidled up to her.

   “It was good seeing and meeting everyone!” Chloe told them, full of smiles.

   “Yeah, yeah, Miss Auradon, get rolling,” Red told her, hurrying her up.

   Before she left, Red turned to them all.

   “Farewell and Happy Halloween, Golden Girls,” Red waved to them.

   Uma held up her hand in a two-fingered salute.

   “See you. And don’t forget you’re taking them kids trick or treating on Thursday,” Uma told her, and Red narrowed her eyes, making a face of unhappiness.

   “Oh…”

   “Happy Halloween,” Uma smiled, full of a false sense of sweetness as she eyed the redhead. Red responded with a tight-lipped smile before walking away. Chloe went with her, waving one last time before they headed out.

   Uma then turned back to the group, the bell attached to the door sounding off as the door shut behind the troublesome two.

   Audrey and Mal were irritated, Jane was looking between the two of them, and Evie appeared altogether confused.

   Uma shrugged, smiling a little as she smacked the palms of her hands against her legs as she gazed at them all.

   “Meet Red, y’all.”