Chapter Text
Osamu Dazai wasn't a good person. Despite his best friend's promise, he hadn't done much to improve himself, only stopped hurting others, and even that wasn't much progress. He was selfish and pessimistic by nature, unable to do much to change his way of thinking. No matter how hard he tried to be kind and trustworthy, it was a losing battle. He always ended up sticking thorns into the lamb he wanted to pet.
These were the thoughts that brought him to the riverbank. This time, he wasn't looking to skip work, just to try one more time to rest and never wake up again. He wasn't patient; he didn't see results in whatever he was doing. He saw nothing.
And then, across the riverbank, he saw a boy reading.
He didn't seem sad or happy, just peaceful. His white hair, his striking but tired eyes—everything pointed to him being a skill user. And his colors…
Alright, it seems today isn't his day.
Back to work.
He didn't even have to try anything when they saved him from drowning, watching the tiger man gasp for breath, catching his breath.
Seeing him recover, he thought of a cool way to introduce himself, wanting to make a good impression. So, naturally, he said:
"That's right, I was trying to end my life. But you came along and ruined everything."
The boy was interesting, even fun to talk to. His well-hidden sarcasm or the absurdity of his situation made him intriguing to Dazai. And above all, his features gave him away. The appearance of those with abilities was usually striking, and this boy was no exception.
Besides…
The fake name.
The distrust permeated his entire being; it was the attitude of a survivor.
Even the disocciation that "Aito" experimented was not normal.
The explanation he gave about not being able to vomit was unsettling once he thought about it. He couldn't eat unless someone was around, so why would he vomit? Perhaps an eating disorder? Or was it disgust at something? Did he simply plan to die when he couldn't bear it anymore?
The anxiety surrounding authority was almost invisible, but he noticed it. His distinctive way of speaking, his almost seductive walk, and his politeness… What did that remind him of?
“After I was kicked out of the orphanage, I had to wander the streets looking for work. And I did quite well, but… A man crossed the line. And that's when I realized I wouldn't be able to stop him if I went back… I had no choice but to escape; they're looking for me. I have no job. No friends. Nobody cares if I live or die. Well, at least I could feed the tiger.”
Oh, now he knew what he reminded him of.
He acted like someone from the red-light district.
Days passed, and that theory grew stronger. The negotiation with Tanizaki, the way he analyzed people's appearances—it all confirmed it.
Someone who had possibly been raped, abused his entire life. His analytical side told him he had to push specific points to get Atsushi to adapt well to his plans. On the other hand…
He remembered Naomi's scream of horror when she saw her brother and Atsushi collapsed at the agency's entrance. They had just returned from a mission, where Tanizaki had apparently suffered serious injuries, and Atsushi had carried him away, fleeing the situation and collapsing almost immediately upon arrival. The boy looked dehydrated, drenched in sweat, with a trickle of blood at the corners of his mouth and nose. Junichiro lay unconscious on the ground, bullets lodged in his chest.
No one at the agency mentioned what had happened to the rookie. No one told him about Naomi's concern and the guilt she felt for not being able to do anything. No one did anything when Tanizaki suddenly turned around twice as he saw Atsushi walk out the agency door. No one openly showed concern.
Yet, they all felt it. Kunikida was harsh, very harsh, with the boy. He wasn't just making sure Atsushi took responsibility. Dazai saw through the stern mask and saw a desire for Atsushi to be more careful. It was obvious the blond man didn't want to lose another child in his care.
But a scolding wasn't what Atsushi needed.
Dazai was about to flirt with the waitress when he suddenly noticed Atsushi staring at his broth as if there were an empty space.
"You don't look very happy." He approached and sat down next to him.
Atsushi laughed humorlessly.
"I guess not. Kunikida-san said the worst-case scenario could happen because of me. And yet…" The boy didn't finish his sentence, his gaze unfocused. He looked guilty, his eyes filled with raw, pure guilt.
"Kunikida can exaggerate sometimes. He won't let me hang from beams without saying I still need to complete the paperwork." Dazai joked, trying to lighten the mood.
It didn't work.
"But Tanizaki got shot because of me, and Naomi can't even look me in the eye. I don't think he's exaggerating."
The silence stretched on, and he simply sat there. He didn't know what to say. If he were his Port Mafia self, he would have been ruthless. He would have told him that it was partly his fault, that his sin was being born, something humanity carries with it. That his life was meaningless, and that blaming himself only served to hinder himself and make life harder for others.
But… He gained nothing by doing that except making Atsushi think like him, something he wouldn't wish on anyone.
He sighed. What would Odasaku do in that situation? Odasaku was patient, kind, and good-hearted. He had none of those qualities. He wasn't good at comforting, much less motivating.
Even so, he tried.
"Well, I think everyone understands things differently. What means something to you might not mean something to others. If you feel guilty, you can start by choosing something good to compensate." The words were spoken as a matter of fact, but Atsushi turned to him, looking, for the first time that day, more than just distressed.
Atsushi looked like the sun itself, so pure…
Had Dazai caused him to be like this? No, Dazai was only good for hurting; he wasn't good at being kind. But the boy looked up to him like a guiding light…
It was on one of those days that Dazai reflected on his actions. Was it worth trying to survive to give him a path? At least a little longer? Did he really deserve to give meaning to his existence, or was it all pointless? Everyone would die in the end; there was no value in this thing they called living. It wasn't worth it; he knew that even before he was an adult. So, why?
While he was grappling with this dilemma, he got distracted, wanting to watch one of the cases Ranpo was solving. Atsushi was with him, watching the mystery with interest. Everything was going smoothly…
Until Atsushi made eye contact with him.
His eyes were narrowed, his pupils almost constricted like a tiger's. Calculating eyes, a surge of thoughts impossible to hear, emotions flashing by. Horror, fear, compassion, empathy.
It was such a rare sight that he almost felt the need to ask for an explanation, but Atsushi turned away.
And the opportunity to ask vanished when a conversation caught him by surprise.
"Dazai-san..."
"Yes, Atsushi-kun?"
"Thank you for being with us today."
And... weren't those strange words? When had he ever thanked him for being there instead of asking him to die somewhere else? He couldn't recall a single time when someone had been grateful for his existence for something that didn't benefit them. They were honest words, filled with unrecognizable emotions.
A smile spread across his face without his permission, but he chose to focus on that instead of the strange tingling in his eyes.
"The pleasure was all mine, Atsushi. Today...was a good day, wasn't it?" He surprised himself by realizing he was serious. He hadn't tried to lie about it just to see the boy happy.
The boy smiled back, seeming to trust Dazai.
"Yes, it was." That day, though Atsushi didn't know it, became a commitment to himself. If he could make someone smile like that, then he could last at least a week without messing up.
So, that day he did something that, if Kunikida saw it, would make him check that he hadn't been high on magic brownies.
Dazai worked.
Although… Not on the paperwork.
Now he was chained up, in a place where help wouldn't reach him. He'd let himself be captured by the Mafia, trying to find out who the hell had put a bounty on his unadopted son. The dampness of the corner where he was locked up made it hard to breathe. The chains cut off his circulation, but that was nothing new.
After all, he was a traitor to the Mafia.
As he hummed "Double Suicide," he saw someone enter out of the corner of his eye.
Akutagawa.
Rashomon attacked him instantly, trying to strangle him. He vanished in an instant.
"Well, well. Look who's here." He greeted him with a smile.
The Mafia dog ignored his comment.
"You know perfectly well what awaits the wretches who end up chained up here."
"It brings back memories, yes. I still remember your newbie days."
"Your offenses have been serious. You abandoned your mission, disappeared, and returned as an enemy of the Port Mafia."
"And even with that, you are coming to your former master, isn't that right?" The ensuing silence was one of suspense.
Suddenly, Akutagawa spoke:
"What does the tiger man like to eat?" That question was quite intriguing, causing Dazai to abandon his plan to get his student to spill the beans. Did he want to trick Atsushi with something he liked?
"A trap for Atsushi-kun? I didn't think that was your style. You've always preferred violence." The suicidal man pointed out. He thought that statement would provoke an attack from Akutagawa, but instead, he looked serious, with his now-familiar poker face.
"I assume you don't understand. Do you know how your colleagues escaped from the agency?" To tell the truth, Dazai hadn't even considered that. He thought they'd simply run away, but now that he looked back, that was stupid. Akutagawa would have torn them to pieces.
"No. Did your subordinate get distracted and they escape?"
"Hmm, no. So the tiger man is shy after all." That off-the-cuff remark made Dazai raise an eyebrow. "Before escaping, he flirted with me, kissed me, and then stabbed me. Now he needs to finish what he started. I want to kiss him back." The silence that fell over the room was eerie.
Dazai, for the first time in years, was shocked.
What the hell had Atsushi done?
"He did what?"
"If he weren't our enemy, this would be easier. I'd just kidnap him and force him to kiss me. But he humiliated me. I can't concentrate on my work anymore without seeing his stupid face everywhere I go. I always see him, trying to touch me and flatter me even when I'm not there… That's something I can't forgive. So, Dazai… What does the tiger man like to eat?" The suicidal man opened and closed his mouth several times, almost feeling like he'd had a lobotomy. Because, that wasn't possible…
Akutagawa was trying to go out with Atsushi?
On a date?!
"A-Are you serious? You want to ask him out?"
"Yes."
Finally, when he processed the situation, Dazai let out the loudest, most raucous, and most disgusting laugh in the world, as if he'd been holding it in since GTA 6 fans started waiting for their new toy.
"What's so funny?"
"HAJAZNSJASNDAJSNXJASDJASDJSJHADJHASD."
"I don't get the joke."
"Oh, hahahaha... Akutagawa-kun... Why do you think Atsushi would want to go out with you?" The words struck a blow to the mobster's pride.
"Excuse me? Why wouldn't he want to go out with me?"
"Look at you. You don't even bathe, you don't wear cologne, and your voice sounds like a Victorian child in his final days, dying of starvation." Every time he pointed out a characteristic of Akutagawa, the latter looked at his mentor with pain.
"My voice isn't that bad."
"My voice isn't that bad, mimimimi." Dazai mimicked him, and Akutagawa's hair turned gray with embarrassment.
"It doesn't matter. I'll threaten him into going out with me. He'd flirt with me anyway, even if I told him he was going to lose his leg." The mobster argued, while Dazai gasped with indignation.
"Akutagawa-kun! Didn't Chuuya teach you that that's not gentlemanly? That's not how you treat a date. You'll just end up looking like -Cherry magic- if you keep this path." His playful voice stressed the younger man even more.
"Akutagawa-kun! Didn't Chuuya teach you that that's not gentlemanly? That's not how you treat a date. You'll just end up looking like a scarecrow." His playful voice stressed the younger man even more.
"I don't care. What do you know about dating anyways?"
"In case you didn't know, I've left more than one woman crying to come back to me. You know I know what I'm talking about, and as your mentor, it wouldn't be so bad to give you some advice. Or don't you trust me?" Dazai wasn't a good person. He was a manipulator, a bastard. But seeing the mobster finally swallow his pride, he smiled triumphantly.
"Ugh. Tell me how I should ask him out then."
"He'll accept, as long as you tell me who put a price on his head." Like the opportunist he was, he decided to take advantage of the situation. That was the main reason he'd come; it would be a waste not to take advantage of it without hurting Akutagawa's feelings even more.
"I don't know, I gave the documents to someone else while I was away."
"Oh, but you know someone who does, don't you?" He saw his former student make another face.
"Oh, but you know someone who does, don't you?" He saw his former student make another face.
"...Yeah."
"Bring it now, Akutagawa-kun."
"Yes Dazai-san."
…
"Ah, that voice..." Descending the stairs, he saw the one he'd been waiting for. His firm bearing, his new clothes which he'd never seen before, his husky voice, and his iconic steps made Dazai recognize him instantly.
"I like what I see, a good show. Rival a ten-million-dollar masterpiece. Uh, Dazai?" With a mocking tone, he announced his presence.
"Disgusting, just gross." Dazai's face contorted into origami.
"What an excellent reaction. I feel like strangling you." Chuuya approached, standing face to face with a hanging Dazai. The silence continued, broken by Dazai.
"You haven't changed a bit, Chuuya."
"Huh?! What are you talking about?!" A shriek escaped his voice, but the suicidal man continued to press forward.
"I've always wondered where you get those embarrassing hats."
"Look who's talking, bum! I bet you're still thinking about suicide at your age, am I wrong?"
"No."
"At least you should try to deny it." His face was right in front of his, almost inches away, practically feeling the other's breath. "And I'm sick of getting caught up in your nonsense. I could kill you right now, you know that?"
"I'd like to see you try, you slug." The tension was broken by a cough, reminding them both why they were there and who had brought them together.
"Dazai-san. I brought Chuuya-san, now do your part." He pulled his hand away from his mouth, looking somewhat impatient.
"That's right. Akutagawa told me that I shouldn't end you off. Explain yourself right now." Chuuya said.
"Well, Chuuya, my dear Akutagawa wants to ask someone out." No one said a word. Chuuya seemed to be processing the information, then turned to Akutagawa indignantly.
"Huh?! Why didn't you tell me?! I have plenty of experience being a gentleman, much more than this mackerel! I'm a good example to impress your date." He grabbed the dark-haired man by the shoulders and started shaking them, looking almost incredulous.
"It's not a girl."
"I never said I was talking about a girl, I was talking about dates!"
"But Chuuya-san, how many girlfriends have you had?" The redhead said nothing, trembling with anger.
"Not having a girlfriend doesn't stop me from being a good catch!" He continued shouting, making Akutagawa turn around slightly so he wouldn't go deaf.
"Ahhh, Chuuya. You don't have to be ashamed of not having a girlfriend. No woman would want to go out with someone as tiny as you."
"I'm only 22, I'm still growing dammit!"
—Still, you can't deny that I'm better at dating. So, if you want to prevent your dear subordinate's life from being ruined by an imminent rejection, I think some good advice would be preferable." Neither of the mobsters could argue against that. Akutagawa had never been in love before, and Chuuya, despite being attractive, had never had a serious relationship due to his busy job.
Besides, the executive didn't want his student to ruin his first love. If giving a little bit of information meant giving Akutagawa, someone who really needed it, some love, then…
"Fine… What the hell do you want me to tell, you asshole?" He asked, crossing his arms.
"I want you to do me a little, micro favor. A tiny one."
"What do you want me to do?"
"Suck my di, -I mean, I want you to tell me who put the price on Atsushi's head."
"What? NO! I'm not giving you any of that, only traitors do that."
"But chibiiiii, if you don't, I won't be able to give you a guide on how to win over Akutagawa's soulmate." Dazai pouted, practically hanging onto the executive. How did he get free from where he was hanging? It's Dazai, that's more than enough.
"No, I won't." He ignored the bandaged man lying on top of him.
"Chuuya-san." The dark-haired man's voice interrupted their fight, and Chuuya turned to face him instantly. "It's the first time someone has made me feel like this, so much…" Hate, he wanted to say Akutagawa, but if he blurted something like that, the redhead wasn't going to give him anything. "Passion. I feel a burning passion inside me, I need to kiss that idiot. Please, Chuuya-san, do it for me." And he pulled out the deadly weapon, eyes so big and tender they didn't seem like those of a Port Mafia serial killer. He looked almost like a little dog asking for something innocent…
And Chuuya… Oh god…
"Tsk… You have to promise me, you damn mackerel… You're going to pretend you snuck into my office and got the information by stealing it from me."
"Yes."
"And that someone from the agency came to save you and freed you."
"Good." He gave a thumbs-up.
"And promise me you mean it!"
"Ohhhhh, Chuuya is so cruel. You know I never lie when I'm negotiating." He pretended to cry, further annoying the executive.
"...Well. From what's known about the case, it was an American organization called 'The Guild.' That's all I know." He looked away, feeling guilty. He was committing an act of betrayal, all for his student. What if they found out and killed him?
"Chuuya-san, thank you so much." Akutagawa bowed deeply.
"Chuuya, I didn't know you were so kind!" Dazai exclaimed, practically enveloping him in his embrace.
"GIVE US YOUR STUPID ADVICE OR GO TO HELL!" he yelled, wanting to get rid of him.
"Alright, here it is!" And with that, he handed them a list and a PowerPoint presentation.
"Flowers always have a meaning; try picking a bouquet. Also, be punctual; never stand up your date. When you're on the date, try the triangle tactic, that is, alternate between your left eye, right eye, and mouth every now and then. Don't do it too often, and squint when you do." He said, pointing at the slide as if it held the answers to the universe. The dark-haired man sat there, not even blinking, while Chuuya pulled out a notepad.
"Done."
"Pay attention to your posture. Chest up shows confidence. Relaxing and owning the space means that this space is yours. Make the environment your best ally."
"Dazai-san, I have asthma. I can't confidently show my chest without coughing." Akutagawa said.
"Then try another alternative. You should also dress up... Alright, it's time for me to teach you my special trick!"
"Damn mackerel, how the hell did you learn that?"
…
The meeting, overall, was very productive, though somewhat unexpected. He never expected Atsushi to have flirted with Akutagawa and for the latter to develop a strange love-hate relationship with him because of it. I also didn't expect to get the information so easily; At least expected to bleed or something.
But better for him. He walked calmly, opened his cell phone, and saw the 30 missed calls from Kunikida. He called back, waiting…
"Hello? Kunikida-kun?"
"Dazai! Where the hell were you?! A TRAIN EXPLODED, ATSUSHI FELL INTO THE SEA, WE HAVE A PORT MAFIA GIRL IN OUR CARE! AND THE TRAIN ALMOST CRASHED! THE TIGER IS ON THE LOOSE!" The idealist's shouts came through loud and clear on the phone.
"Slow down, Kunikida.You're going to make me deaf."
"Everything's a mess!"
Oops.
He could barely hear what they were yelling in his ear. He doesn't seem to care right now.
"Oh well, if that's all it is, I'll be a little late. Bye!"
"Dazai, you son of a..."
Pip, the call was declined.
And so, Dazai decided to spend the rest of the afternoon stalking Chuuya.
What a great day.