Chapter Text
Chad stands in the aisle. His arms are crossed over his chest, and he leans against his back leg. Amber eyes travel across the many items piled one after another on the shelves. The colors blur together. The shiny materials reflect the shit-quality lights above them. Nothing in particular stands out to Chad. He feels like he's been cast adrift in the open ocean without any guides or means to get back to dry land.
The shopping cart is right beside him with only a replacement door handle for his bathroom inside. Robert leans against the handle. His ankles are crossed, and he impatiently taps the tip of his shoes against the floor. He occasionally checks his phone, but very rarely does he find something that attracts his attention for more than a few seconds. It doesn't take long for him to put his phone facedown in the basket again. After a few times of this, he eventually sighs and asks, "Would you pick something already?"
"Don't fucking rush me," Chad hisses at him. He looks back at the many, many options in front of him. "I have to pick the perfect thing."
"Or what? Moska adores you. She isn't going to be upset if you get her a mediocre present," Robert argues. He puts his elbow against the thin metal rod, setting his chin in the palm of his hand. Instead of looking at the toys to help Chad, his brown eyes are pinned at the pyrokinetic on the other side of the metal cart from him.
"Talk like that keeps you from being the favorite uncle," Chad tightens his grip over his upper arms. He's usually so good with children, especially his niece, but he doesn't know what to get her for her birthday. She's turning eleven; what do eleven-year-old girls like? Is he even in the right section of the age demographic he's shopping for?
"You're Moska's only uncle. You're the favorite by default." On a technicality. Chad is certain that once Moska figures out Robert is Mecha Man Blue (because she's eerily smart like that), Robert is going to be her favorite uncle despite the fact that Robert and Chad aren't in a relationship. She might skip that step entirely, adopting Robert as a family member in the same way one might a stray animal they wish to domesticate. "And hey, when I was Moska's age, you couldn't give me a shit gift if you tried."
Chad bites his tongue instead of asking Robert if he got a present from anyone other than Chase. The middle of a shopping center is not the best place to dredge up childhood traumas. Because he's chosen the path of civility, he only glares lightly at Robert. "Will you just help me pick something out? The party is this weekend."
"Why the hell are you picking out a gift last minute?" Robert incredulously asks.
Chad turns away from Robert to avoid meeting his eyes. "I… I didn't know if I was going to be invited."
He regrets saying that almost immediately. Just as he didn't want to bring up Robert's childhood, he didn't want to start talking about his family situation. What does it matter if this is the first birthday he's going to since getting out of prison? What does it matter that he missed so many of his family member's birthdays because of his own poor decisions? It doesn't matter, that's the answer, and Chad is going to stick by that. At least, he was going to until his sister asked him to bring the ice this weekend, implying that she did, in fact, want him there.
Though, there's always the chance that Moska is the only one who wants him there, and Shararah is just putting everything aside of the sake of her daughter's happiness.
Luckily, Robert doesn't pry into that. He doesn't ask for more details. Instead, he hums to himself. "Tell me more about Moska. I can't exactly help you if I don't know who we're shopping for."
Chad nods. He can do that. He loves talking about his family. "She's turning eleven. She's in dance right now, though she probably won't be for long because she's also in this mixed martial arts class that Shararah says Moska likes a hell of a lot more. She loves playing outside. Running, jumping, rolling around in the dirt. Very sociable. She has a lot of friends who she talks about all the time…."
Robert nods along as Chad continues. He pushes against the shopping cart's handle to start walking around the aisle. He shifts things around to get a better look, completely listening all the while. Occasionally, he'll lift something to show Chad. He's always met with a 'no,' but that doesn't deter Robert from continuing to poke around. At a certain point, however, he stops. He squats on the ground, staring up at Chad until the man realizes that he should probably stop talking now. "What?"
"What if you got her a camera?" Robert says without getting back up. Chad wonders if he can't or if this position is currently more comfortable for him. It's probably the latter since Robert doesn't seem particularly pained, though Chad must admit Robert is likely very good at hiding that.
"A camera?" Chad repeats questioningly.
Robert shrugs. "Yeah. I don't know what your budget is, but I'm sure we could find way that's decently cheap. With how much she goes outside and how many friends she has, she might really like taking pictures to preserve the memories. It's your niece, though, so let me know if that's even in the right ballpark."
Chad thinks about it. While he doesn't think Moska has ever shown an interest in photography, it isn't entirely a bad idea. She doesn't have to be good at it, anyway. It's just—as Robert said—to preserve the memories of all her adventures. And, not for nothing, given how similar Moska is to her uncle, she might love those photographs as much as Chad loves the picture he has tucked away in his wallet.
"You know, you aren't a complete dumbass all the time. I'm glad I brought you along," Chad grins, coming around to the idea. Moska is going to love this gift. He can already see it. She'll at least use it for a day. If she grows tired of it, Chad will blame this on Robert and get her something else.
"You didn't have a choice about bringing me along," Robert notes, gesturing from his heart to Chad's. The pyrokinetic blushes slightly before realizing Robert means the pain tethering them together. That makes a lot more sense than whatever thoughts were moving through Chad's mind.
Pushing past it instantly, Chad steps up to Robert. He reaches his hands down. Robert stares at them in confusion for a long second. It isn't until Chad wiggles his fingers that Robert realizes he's supposed to take Chad's hands. The minute he does, Chad tugs Robert onto his feet. Superhuman strength comes into clutch because Robert is suddenly standing right in front of him. He seems a little stunned by Chad's actions. All the latter can do is grin. "Did you hear that?"
Robert blinks, brows furrowing together. "…no?"
"Exactly! This is why we stretch in the mornings!" Chad celebrates. Robert looks like he's going to argue, but it's a breathy laugh that leaves him instead of words. He shakes his head, pushing Chad away from him. When they're separated, he grabs the buggy, partially leaning against it as he gets to walking to the technology section of the store.
Chad follows, deciding to trust Robert's expertise about these matters. Case in point, Robert takes them right to where the portable cameras are. He's browsing the smaller ones, checking out prices and brands and benefits. Chad would be perfectly willing to keep his hands to himself if he didn't see a camera at the bottom of the shelf. He leans down to grab it. When he pops back up, Robert turns to look at him. Taking full advantage of his attention, Chad shows Robert a dark blue camera with an orange M right beside the lens.
"Absolutely fucking not!" Robert hisses immediately. He reaches for the camera. Chad lifts it higher and turns his body. Robert continues to try grabbing it, face flushing redder and redder from exertion and embarrassment.
"Stop being a bitch. Why not this one? Mecha Man is her favorite hero, remember? Even if she hates the camera, she'll love having merch of her favorite hero." Chad smirks, knowing full well why Robert is reacting like this. At the same time, though, he's not lying. On the off-chance Moska has some deep hatred for all cameras, he'll at least win points for getting her something Mecha Man related. At this rate, he might as well throw in a hoodie as well (he should see if Robert can get free merch of his own brand).
"Don't tell me you're actually going to give her that?" Robert quietly asks. His arms drop back down to wrap around himself. He's fighting the embarrassment hard. Chad hardly understands why. Robert has been completely straight-faced when the Z-Team have said absolutely heinous shit, so why does the prospect of Chad's niece getting Mecha Man merch get Robert this riled up?
"If you can give me one reason not to give it to her," Chad negotiates, waiting expectantly.
He can tell Robert is thinking about it by the way his lips press into a firm line and his brows pull together. After a bit, however, he sighs. A resigned smile settles into place on his face. "Fine. If you think she'll actually like it."
"She definitely will," Chad promises, surprisingly sincere. That earnestness continues as he ruffles Robert's hair (which is slowly healing, thank the fucking flames). "Thanks for the help."
"You don't have to thank me." Robert turns away from Chad. He walks to a different area of the technology section. While it could be to get away from Chad, there's also another purpose as he starts looking at memory cards and other additive shit that Chad doesn't understand. It's this part that he leaves entirely to Robert, only nodding when Robert asks him a question about what he thinks Moska will want the most.
When they've got everything they'll need for the birthday girl, they turn towards a different celebration happening tonight. Apparently, Robert actually was reading that porn book because of a club he, Alice, and Janelle are in. The latter wants to have a proper book club meeting. Robert wanted to go, so Chad didn't put up an argument when the man RVSP'd and mentioned he would bring the drinks to Janelle and Colm's apartment for the meeting.
Because of this promise, the two make their way to the beverage section. Chad is the one pushing the shopping cart now as Robert walks ahead with his arms crossed behind his back. "What do you think I should get? What do people drink at book clubs?"
The only thing Chad reads are dating profiles, so he can only shrug at Robert. "Wine, I guess."
"Janelle already has wine. She also said she has water bottles," Robert explains.
"Then, what the fuck are we getting drinks for?" Chad honestly asks. Robert glares at him for a few seconds. Deciding to climb out of this hole instead of digging himself further, he gestures toward a six-pack package. "That's why. Alice only drinks the sparkling fruit-water thing. Says it's better for her voice."
Robert nods. He takes the six-pack of what Chad was gesturing toward. He sets it down on the shopping cart's lower level. He winces slightly as he rises, setting a hand on his back. Chad watches the motion with a slight frown. He could act. He's read that heat helps (because he'd forgotten that he now reads websites about chronic pain alongside those dating profiles). But how would Robert react?
"How about this?" Robert says, breaking Chad out of his stupor. He glances over to find Robert pulling a box off the shelf. He holds it in both of his arms with a slight smile on his face.
It takes a moment longer than it should for Chad to register what Robert is presenting to him. "That's the beer my dad drinks."
To his credit, Robert doesn't break eye contact. "… I'm aware."
"Oh my fucking god," Chad drops his face into his hands. What does it mean that Robert has the same taste as his father? Robert probably didn't even know this until Faizan let him have a few cans. That's a very odd thing to happen, but he shoots fire from his hands and Robert fights crime in a mech suit, so maybe he should recalibrate what he thinks is weird. "Whatever. Put it in the cart."
Robert's face brightens with happiness. Even if he still finds it a tad odd, he decides that smile is reason enough to let the fact Robert and Faizan have the same taste in beer go.
After putting the box in the cart, Robert turns on his heel. He's about to leave the aisle entirely, but he pauses upon seeing something. He steps toward the shelves. He runs his fingers along the swooping letters of a different brand of beer. Chad would teasingly call Robert an alcoholic and inform him that they aren't buying another can of it (especially since Colm definitely already has beer), but Robert's expression is not one of a man pulled towards temptation. He rather looks disgusted and disturbed by the mere sight of the box.
And this trend continues when Robert softly asks. "Hey, what's today's date?" Silently, Chad pulls out his phone. He shows Robert the screen. The light in Robert's eyes is only because of the illumination reflected in them instead of naturally being there. Under his breath, he murmurs, "Huh. Didn't realize it was coming up so soon."
Robert turns away from the phone and the box. He starts walking down the aisle, heading for the entrance and exit. Chad catches up to him not because of the pain that threatens him if he doesn't but because of Robert's weird reaction. "Don't be fucking cryptic. What are you talking about?"
"Nothing to worry about. We'll be untangled by then," Robert promises, smiling over his shoulder. Chad might've believed that smile, too, if Robert's eyes weren't closed and hiding his genuine feelings. He looks back ahead of them to ask, "Should we head to the checkout?"
Chad wants to push. He really does. But he already knows that this next part of their shopping trip is going to be rough, so he would rather not Robert further than he has to. "No. We have one more place to go."
"What are you…" Robert starts the question. He doesn't finish it as Chad overtakes him. He controls where they go now. Robert follows behind him, making no more attempts to ask where they're going. It might be because he trusts Chad at first, but the pyrokinetic can feel Robert's silence stretching outward as he recognizes where they're going even before Chad turns them into the aisles surrounding the pharmacy.
"Chad." Leave it to Robert to make his name sound like a warning. If only he said 'Zahir,' then he would really sound like Zarmina.
"I have no medicine at my apartment," Chad reminds Robert as if the man doesn't already know, as if the man probably hadn't already wished that there was something on those days when he was in pain and just didn't tell Chad a thing.
"I already told you that I was fine without it," Robert retorts, stepping between Chad and the shelves he was looking at since he's just as much at a loss about medicine for Robert as he is about children's toys for Moska.
"And you and I both know that's bull-fucking-shit," Chad says softly but firmly, leaning close to Robert's face to make it abundantly clear what emotion glows in his amber eyes. Robert's face hardens, but that just means Chad is bringing them somewhere that Robert doesn't like. Seeing that he's making headway, Chad lets his own expression soften just a touch, resting his hands on Robert's shoulders. "If you agree to pick out what'll actually help you, I'll agree to only get painkillers."
This time, goes left unsaid, but Chad will work there way up to getting more specialized medication. His goal is to convince Robert to go to a doctor for a prescription, even if he's already aware that might be wishful thinking on his part. He's not going to quit before he starts, though.
Robert refuses to look away from Chad's eyes even as that expression chips away bit by bit through his critical thinking skills. Like with the camera for Moska, he's trying to think of any reason he can to convince Chad this is a bad idea. Chad lets him because he's hard-pressed to think there is a reason why they wouldn't do this. It's not a waste of money because Robert will actually use them, and none of the pills themselves will go to waste since Robert can just take them with him if he's so inclined to leave Chad's apartment when they're untethered.
"One bottle," Robert says. He's not asking for additional input, but Chad decides to nod at him regardless. With a rather constipated look, Robert goes further down the aisle. He takes a box from one of the shelves. He tosses it toward the cart. Chad catches it before it can land. He twists it around to look at the information on the back (he guesses he reads more than he thought he did). There's also instructions. He just wants to make sure Robert doesn't overdose on them, if he does take them at all.
Robert seems mildly annoyed by Chad's actions. The man couldn't care less as he sets the over-the-counter medicine in their basket. One hurdle has been jumped… it's time for the much harder one, both for him and for Robert.
Chad already knows where he's going. He's bought one of these before for Alice, and he double-checked where it was when he was scrolling websites while Robert was dispatching earlier. It's in the adjacent areas to the medication, just slightly out of the way. Chad squats down when to pick it off the bottom shelf. He scowls slightly at it but reminds himself to put his anger aside.
"No," Robert says once he peeks over Chad's shoulder to see what the man is holding. "Not just 'no,' but fuck no. We're not doing this. You said we would only get the painkillers."
"It's the only fucking medicine we got, isn't it?" Chad questions. He stands up. Robert keeps him from putting the box in the shopping cart. Chad pats the top of the cardboard. "If you need someone to vouch for it, Alice says it helps with her cramps."
It's a heating pad. Once they had reached a certain closeness, Alice would ask him to lay on whatever part of her body was cramping, either because of her period or because she didn't stretch enough before dancing. Chad loves being there for her—using his heat for something inherently healing—but there are times when he couldn't be. The heating pad, therefore, only comes out when Chad isn't there since he's threatened to fist-fight it before. He does not like the prospect of bringing one into his apartment, but he understands that Robert isn't going to ask him for help. They might as well have an inanimate object that won't judge Robert when it helps him.
This, unfortunately, proves he likes Robert a lot—way more than anyone else he's developed a crush on or wanted to hook-up with.
"Why are you like this?"
Chad drops the box into the cart. He tosses his hair over his shoulder as he looks back at Robert. "You helped me pick out a gift for Moska. I'm just making sure we even. I'd hate being in your fucking debt."
"That's not—"
"We're not going to argue about this because you're going to lose and I'm going to win, per usual," Chad remarks. He sets his finger between Robert's brows to push him away. He can't get rid of Robert entirely as the man follows behind Chad, this strange contemplative expression on his face. Chad gets the feeling that Robert wants him to ignore what happened yesterday in the same way Robert is.
That shit's not happening, though. Forget crushes and liking, he cares about Robert. As a friend, as his dispatcher, as a partner—it doesn't matter. He doesn't want Robert to be in pain. If he can't make that come true, he wants to at least minimize and prevent what pain he can, especially when it's happening in his own fucking apartment. After everything Robert's done for the team—done for Chad—can't this just be considered repaying a debt?
Will Robert consider it that, at least, just to make everything easier?
Maybe he does because Robert doesn't put up another fight as they're checking out. He just looks uncomfortable while putting the bags away. He holds the box for a moment, glaring at it with a greater ferocity than even Chad has when he looks at the heating pad. With another sigh, Robert carelessly drops it in the cart. Great, now Chad will have to make sure both he and Robert don't break it.
Thankfully, they make it out of the store without any other fights. This actually went better than Chad thought it would. Hopefully, they can keep this momentum going.
Chad knocks on the door. It doesn't take but a moment for it to swing backward. Janelle stands there with a completely blank face. Robert gestures with his chin at the drinks Chad carries in his arms alongside Robert's porn book. "We brought drinks!" The reason why Robert couldn't carry them himself suddenly barks. Robert smiles and winces fondly, doing his best to pet Beef's head. "We also brought Beef. Is it okay if he's with us?"
Janelle reaches forward to take Beef into her arms. He immediately starts licking her face. She doesn't quite smile, but she seems happy enough to Chad (he isn't sure; she's not his best friend, after all). "His presence is most acceptable as is yours." Her eyes are sharp when they glance at Chad. "You are permissible."
She immediately turns on her heel. Chad glares, partially stunned, at the spot where she was once. "Freaky bitch."
Robert pinches Chad's upper arm. When the pyrokinetic jolts to the side, he finds Robert glaring warningly at him. "Be nice." He pushes the door open, stepping into the apartment. "We're guests today."
"You're a guest. I'm clearly not wanted here," Chad claims, following Robert into the dimly lit entrance. Luckily, the rest of the apartment is thoroughly illuminated. Good. Chad already isn't too fond about being around someone who controls the absence he hates so much, so he doesn't need that absence to be everywhere in this apartment, too.
"I want you here." And there's his best friend. Sparkle of light follow Alice as she stands beside him, chasing away what little darkness there was. Robert arches a brow at this; Chad does not. He just hands Alice the drinks so he can take his shoes off and put them with the others lined up in a neat row. The light around Alice suddenly brightens. "You got my sparkling water!"
"I knew you wouldn't drink anything else because it's all shit," Chad grins at her over his shoulder. She smiles wide enough for her eyes to turn into upturned crescents. If the man he was in the past were to see him now, he wouldn't be able to believe that he had a best friend like this, but Alice chases away the darkness for him and he remembers to buy her special drink, and that feels like a genuine connection to him.
With their shoes off, they step into the kitchen. Alice quickly finds a pair of scissors to cut open the plastic. Robert just uses his hand to tear open the cardboard. Not desiring either of them, Chad snoops in Janelle's fridge for Colm's beer. He'll deal with the consequences of this decision later, so he cracks open the can and gulps down a good chunk of the beverage. It's necessary to get drunk, something he definitely will need to be for this book club.
With their thirsts quenched, Robert grabs his book and leads the way to the living room. Janelle sits on a reclining chair with Beef in her lap. She's playing with him while also keeping him from diving onto the coffee table where she's laid an assortment of snacks. Her wineglass is also there, filled to the brim, beside the bottle it came from. She glances away from Beef at the party of three who come to pile onto her couch—Alice, then Robert, and finally, Chad.
After a bit of drinking and eating, Janelle sets Beef on the ground to hold up her book. Chad watches the dog wander around, seemingly fascinated by the air itself. In the corner of his attention, he hears Janelle beginning the inaugural book club meeting. Whatever makes them happy.
"You told me there was going to be hot, steamy sex!"
"And I reminded you that it requires sufficient build-up."
"What are you two talking about? The characters have had sex already."
"Oh, shut it, white boy. I'm talking about the good shit! Not a fucking blowjob. And a poorly detailed one, too. So many words and not enough of them about the dick and the mouth around it."
Whatever makes them happy, he repeats to himself. Luckily, they aren't their argument about the spice content and quality of the spice in their book isn't the most distracting thing in the room. Beef has decided to pay Chad a visit. He could leave the dog alone, but Chad decides to pick the squirming mass of flesh up. Beef wears happiness much more bluntly than his owner. He settles on Chad's chest and stomach with the goofiest expression in those dumb little eyes. Like this, Chad must concede that Beef is cute, at least a little bit.
Then again, that could just be because Chad's opinion of Beef has skyrocketed significantly after his talk with Robert yesterday in the bathroom and his research today. With all of that plus the memory of what Robert sacrificed to Shroud for Beef and what punishment he gave the man, Chad has come to the conclusion that this overweight pupper is one of the few reasons Robert is still alive. Knowing Robert, he must have wanted to make sure he came home to care for the dog. And Robert outright said that eating was easier when he was sharing with Beef because it made him feel less alone.
Chad isn't going to thank Beef aloud, but if the little shit wants to use his chest as a temporary bed, Chad isn't going to push him off. Instead, he'll pet the dozing dog's head with his warms fingers, knowing damn well the heat pouring from his body is likely the reason why Beef has come to him.
The pyrokinetic glances back at the other three in the room to see where their conversation is at. Robert is reaching for a book that Alice holds away from him. The pages of that book are covered in writing, highlighting, and sticky notes with diagrams. Alice cackles through her words. "—nerd! It's a book about fucking, Roberto. You don't need to write an essay about it after you're done!"
"I know it's a book about fucking, Optic Winfrey, that's why I had to write the notes about the magic and world-building and stuff. How else was I supposed to engage?" Robert replies, finally getting his book from her. Chad shifts slightly to get a better look at the scribbles on Robert's book. Chad knew Robert was doing that. He sometimes reads during break, or when Chad is showering, or right before bed. Most of the time, Chad would watch him, enjoying the look of that focused expression. He didn't even think to tease Robert about how much he was writing for this erotica he was reading.
"Magic? World-building?" Alice repeats incredulously.
"It is a valid way to interact with the book," Janelle cuts in.
"You two can't be fucking serious! You don't need to do anything extra. Just wait and see this priestess lady get dicked down by a prince of darkness," Alice notes. This mention of the prince causes a reaction in Janelle, which immediately spurs the conversation in that direction.
Robert rolls his eyes. He turns away from them. When he notices Beef, he leans over the dog and the chest Beef lays on. Beef licks at Robert's nose as the man scratches his pet's furry neck. Robert coos lovingly at the furball. "You won't tease me for writing in my books, will you, Beef?" Suddenly, Robert's voice drops a few octaves and gains a gravely quality. "Of course not, Robert, never in a million years."
A startled laugh leaves Chad. The rumbling beneath his paws confuses Beef, but Chad can't help it. He shakes his head, "That is not what he fucking sounds like."
"I think I would know my own dog's voice," Robert notes. He leans his head closer to Chad only to meet Beef's eyes and help the pup lie back down after a chest-quake happened right beneath him. This close, Chad can smell the beer on Robert's breath. If they add a bit of cooking spices, Robert will smell just like Chad's childhood home.
And then Robert turns to Chad. They're very close to one another. Robert is smiling, eyes warm and bright from joy. Forget the smell—like this, Chad thinks Robert looks like home.
Alice's hand lands on Robert's shoulder. She tugs him away from Chad and Beef. "Come on, lovebird, we're reading about sex, not actually doing it."
"I'm actually offended you would think I'd have sex with my dog," Robert tells her, sitting back up. She pulls too far, resulting in Robert bumping shoulders with her. He doesn't bounce too far away from her.
Alice turns to glare at him. Her eyes flick to Chad for a few seconds. She clearly doesn't miss the rising pink tint to his face, but she elects not to tease him about it right now in favor of looking back to Robert. "Bitch, you know that's not who I meant."
Robert shrugs. "That's not happening, either." Right now or ever is what Chad decidedly doesn't ask. "Anyway, we were talking about the prince of darkness, right?"
"We were. Did you write notes about him, too?" Alice goads.
Robert flips open his book to show her. "I did, actually. His power makes no sense. His kingdom doesn't, either. It would have collapsed long ago if today's system is considered the improvement."
"I have to concur about his powers. I can acknowledge there are nuances between his power and mine, yet it also doesn't seem to be plausible for any of what he did to happen."
"Oh my god—!"
Two arguments and another round of drinks for everyone later, the front door opens. Chad leans forward as much as he can with Beef lazing open-eyed on him. He expected to see Colm walking in, so it's no surprise when the short Irishman strides into the room with a great big smile on his face. He swerves into the kitchen to get a beer for himself. When he returns, he seems even happier, though this time his joy is directed at the figures sitting in his living room. "Are you having fun, Coop?"
"I am. You were right about reading books with others being more enjoyable than doing it on my own," She responds. When he passes by, she leans down to kiss his forehead. Although he's watched people filthily making out before without any physical reaction, his heart flutters weirdly at the innocent, intimate gesture between the (ex?)lovers. Whatever else he's feeling, he's happy for them.
Since Colm hasn't read the book, he doesn't join the three in their discussions of it. Instead, he rounds the coffee table to pull himself onto the couch. He sits on the couch's arm, looking down at the halfway slumped Chad and Beef. He uses his beer can to gesture to the one in Chad's hand. "Aye, good taste, lad! Sláinte mhaith!"
The two men tap their beer cans together in a form of cheers. Since Colm chugs his beer, Chad does the same as common courtesy. When they're done, Colm is grinning ear to ear. He leans down to put the can on the table. He does the same for Chad since Beef makes many movements impossible. When they're done with that, Colm stares down at Chad with that same bubbling warmth as always. "How ya getting on, lad?"
"Fucking fantastic," Chad responds. He usually answers something like this when Colm asks. It's not an inaccurate answer this time, he supposes. The past few days haven't been great by any stretch of the imagination, but today was better. He and Robert are back on talking terms. He got a gift for Moska that he thinks she'll really like, and he got Robert to accept items that'll aid him. And honestly, he feels weirdly content right now, Beef's warm weight over his heart and Robert sitting so close to him and a conversation he doesn't have to participate in floating around him.
Even odder than that, it feels like Colm understands this despite the sarcasm in his original answer. Then again, Chad could be reading into it. Colm isn't exactly easy to figure out. Chad hides from that expression by looking at Beef. "What about you?"
Colm easily and happily answers the question. From that, the two of them are able to have their own side conversation while Janelle, Alice, and Robert's discussion of the book—or whatever adjacent topic has grabbed their attention—grows more animated. At a certain point, the three of them are loud enough that Colm doesn't even hesitate to gesture toward Robert and say, "How's that going?"
Chad could pretend he doesn't know what Colm's talking about. Colm would probably let him, too. But Chad makes the foolish decision of looking at Robert. The brunette isn't looking at Chad, but sometimes, when he looks at Janelle, Chad can see that smile in Robert's eyes. He tilts his attention back to Colm. "The stuck together part or…?"
Colm shrugs, letting the question be whatever Chad wants to answer. Unfortunately, he doesn't know which one he would prefer answering. Being stuck together is very tough. Chad just wants his privacy sometimes. Robert gives as much as he can, but Chad can't get rid of the thought that even through the door or the wall or hiding just out of sight, someone is there. At least, it's Robert. Chad really doesn't think he'd be able to handle anyone else except maybe Alice.
The other part, though… Chad has never liked someone so fucking much. He didn't think he was capable of this much care for someone. His past relationships have certainly been filled with a degree of love and lust, but nothing compares to this because while there's been passion with his other partners, there's never been the quiet acts like he has with Robert. The little thing that fill his soul with more happiness than he can physically stand. Talking and joking in the kitchen, the easy way Chad cooks and Robert washes the dishes, Robert sitting beside Chad as he bathes, or drying him off when it gets dark.
He's held people and cuddled in his sleep, sure, but the way it feels with Robert makes all those others time feel so formal and obligatory.
And then there's the fact that Robert knows more about him than anyone else he's dated. He knows the name Chad's family gave him, has interacted with his family, and went to Chad's childhood home. He's been to one of Chad's usual hangouts with his best friend. And sure, Chad couldn't do anything about Robert coming or doing those things, but the inverse isn't true. Robert could've keep that name—Ha-neul—to himself. He could've continued pushing Chad away, but instead, he let Chad in. He told Chad these private things about his struggles and his insecurities and his childhood. He didn't have to, but he did, and knowing that about Robert makes him feel as special as Robert knowing all these things about him does.
Never before has Chad felt so hurt himself upon learning how badly he's hurt his partner. Not like he's hurt any of them in the way he hurt Robert. But he thinks that if he were in this situation with anyone else, he would've made his apologies and decided it'd be best if they didn't stick together because Chad wouldn't believe he could change. And maybe he can't, but damnit if he doesn't want to for Robert. He wants to do better—be better. He wants to do more than make sure he doesn't hurt Robert again; he wants to be someone that can actually help him.
So, instead of pride or curiosity if Robert feels the same way, it is that realization that keeps Chad from pushing too far with his feelings. He's going to get better, and Robert is going to get healthier, and then, and only then, Chad is going to make Robert his.
"I'm making progress," Chad decides to say.
And Colm—being Colm—reaches down to pat Chad's shoulder. "I know you've got it in ya. I believe in ya."