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  1. Tags
    Summary

    This has been a WIP for like, seven months, but you cannot tell me that tying up Izzy Hands, giving him a blindfold and a good orgasm wouldn't be Lucius' favourite thing to do.

    When Lucius suggested this, it was nothing more than a means to ease his tension, and the others are too caught up with themselves to care about anybody else.

    And it did sound like a great plan.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,000
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    16
    Hits:
    235
  2. Tags
    Summary

    Stede is having some trouble penetrating Ed properly, so he enlists a helping hand.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,146
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    8
    Kudos:
    29
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    153
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Chief Teach's usual bravado faltered, then. If Izzy didn't know better, he'd say that the chief was looking a little queasy. "Something that made those women bite off... the geni... the, uh, memb... They bit off the family..."

    "They bit off the men's penises," Bonnet helpfully supplied.

    Not that Izzy was any less confused.

    "I, uh, I don't think that's physically possible," he said.

    "Oh no, the human teeth are quite strong!" Bonnet quipped. "We are perfectly capable of biting off our own fingers, but there's almost like a fail safe wired in our brains that stops up from doing so."

    Even Chief Teach seemed put off by that little fun fact. Bonnet cleared his throat and continued.

    "Anyway, there's four penises down in the morgue for us to take a look at."

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    27,614
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    31
    Bookmarks:
    4
    Hits:
    360
  4. Tags
    Summary

    Initially planned as a Christmas Fic, it's only fair that it goes to somebody who has done something massive for me (and also helped me spitball the idea for this several months ago). Thank you again, Niffler. You are honestly the best person in my life.

    /////

    Sometimes we all need a helping hand along the way.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,000
    Chapters:
    10/10
    Kudos:
    10
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    185
  5. Tags
    Summary

    Canon divergent AU where Izzy and Lucius meet on shore in the Republic of Pirates.

    The Republic is a lawless place, and Lucius only has one rule: never fuck a pirate. But when he's unexpectedly rescued by one of the most dangerous men he's ever met, he decides rules are made for breaking. And what starts as a one-time thing, gradually morphs into something that not only breaks the rules, but might just break his heart.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,670
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    79
    Bookmarks:
    7
    Hits:
    282
  6. Tags
    Summary

    It’s Lucius’ turn to roll his eyes, his face changing to something incredulous, “Iz, you’re my best friend. It’ll be fine. What’s the worst that could happen?”

    Well, Lucius, when you and your best friend long-time crush friend go on a cruise to overcome the heartbreak of your separate partners' cheating, plenty of things could happen.

    The outcome you find most likely is oftentimes the one you least expect.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,000
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Comments:
    4
    Kudos:
    21
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    403
  7. Tags
    Summary

    I AM ON A CRUISE.

    And i got an idea.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,000
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Comments:
    10
    Kudos:
    23
    Hits:
    477
  8. Tags
    Summary

    Inspired by, and written for, the one and only Niffler_91. Talking about two custom Lucius funkos I had, she suggested "put Izzy in the middle."

    Cue my brain going on a little wander into crackish territory when I should've been working, and creating something that should have happened at least once in that show.

    Niffler - you've been so kind to me recently, far kinder than I feel I deserve. I can never repay your kindness, but I hope this can help show my gratitude where words fail me. Thank you so much.

    --

    He knows his crewmates, and he knows his boyfriend. There’s a long line of people who would step up without a second thought. He makes it known, slowly approaching the clone as he announces, “You vastly underestimate how horny they are.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,000
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Kudos:
    10
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    189
  9. Tags
    Summary

    His fingertips trace the length of Izzy’s spine, the hardened skin of the scars is a harsh reminder of the life that Israel Hands has lived, a life of agony, slavery, torture, and more unfathomable things that Lucius aches to uncover about the man.

    He will.

    They’ll have their time together, they’ll learn about each other as their bond develops further, and they’ll grow during that journey.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,300
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    18
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    254
  10. Tags
    Summary

    Inspired by some of the comments I made while putting a new set of drawers together, because I am an adult who does adult things and doesn't have a childish brain.

    Definitely.

    This is just smut that's laden with bad innuendos.

    -----

    It's only a dresser. Why has it left Lucius with an ache between his legs?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,500
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    8
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    147
  11. Tags
    Summary

    “Hey,” Ed says to him. He doesn’t look over.

    “Hey,” he answers.

    “So, uh, it’s almost time, right? Starting to catch a whiff of it, I think.”

    Izzy sighs long and slow. “Yeah,” he answers, nerves clear in his voice.

    “So, Lucius, he seems like a good alpha. Think you could trust him with it?” he asks, voice low.

    Izzy turns to face Ed, blinking at him. He should’ve seen it coming. He remembers Ed asking him what he thought of the boy, if he found him attractive. At the time he’d been confused as to Ed’s intentions, answering uncertainly until it seemed Ed was pleased that he did have a certain attraction to the younger alpha. He does. But they’re talking about Izzy’s heat. He’s not sure why Lucius matters when the alpha whose bonding mark is on his neck is two feet in front of him. Part of him wonders if it’s a test.

    “Lucius…” He repeats. He takes in a breath. “You said…”

    “I know what I said.” Ed’s voice is suddenly cold and Izzy feels it wash over him like freezing water. He looks down, slumps his shoulders, and Ed swallows. “That’s why I think this is best, Iz. I don’t—That wasn’t…I’m trying to un-say it, now.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    35,998
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Comments:
    76
    Kudos:
    553
    Bookmarks:
    99
    Hits:
    9,935
  12. Tags
    Summary

    He’s planned a fuckery to remember the life that he used to live with Izzy when they were younger, happier men.

    It’s nothing harmful; he’s going to jump out from beneath the bed, scare Izzy a little and then run away.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,600
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    40
    Hits:
    389
  13. Tags
    Summary

    “Too soft?” Lu appeared over them, propped up on her elbows and giving them a scandalized look. “I could dom the shit out of you, Jimenez.”

    Jim snorted and reached up to pat her cheek. It was soft under their hand, still dusted pink with the blush she’d worn that day. “Sure you could, soft girl.”

    Lu’s eyes narrowed. “Wanna bet?”


    In which Jim makes a bet, and Lu wins it. With sex. Lots of sex.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,435
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    18
    Kudos:
    24
    Bookmarks:
    2
    Hits:
    266
  14. Tags
    Summary

    “Thank you,” Izzy whispers, “I… thank you…”

    “You don’t need to thank me,” Lucius whispers, “I… just… if it… tell me if it wasn’t good, if it… I don’t know…”

    “It was perfect, Lu” Izzy promises, “I love you, it was perfect, you’re perfect.”

    Lucius smiles and strokes his thumb along Izzy’s jaw, “Let me go fill the tub, let me look after you…”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,000
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    19
    Hits:
    250
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Happy New Year everyone - this is short, but hopefully sweet x

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    536
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    1
    Kudos:
    14
    Hits:
    98
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Modern AU.

    Lucius knows from his first appointment that Izzy is going to take a lot of unravelling. Although Izzy turned up to pay for some handler/pup roleplay, he's so on edge he can barely talk about what he wants, and it's clear from the outset that someone has done a lot more than kick this dog. As Lucius sets out to make Izzy feel safe enough to get back to that headspace, he promises himself that if he ever meets his former handler - fur is going to fly.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    52,641
    Chapters:
    16/16
    Comments:
    458
    Kudos:
    469
    Bookmarks:
    60
    Hits:
    10,549
  17. Tags
    Summary

    He barely has time to kneel before Fang tosses him a pillow from the bed.

    __

    What really happens after Lucius sketches Fang's dick.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,878
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    8
    Hits:
    49
  18. Tags
    Summary

    “Iz…” Lucius whimpers, “You must know what you’re doing to me…”

    Izzy chuckles and reaches back, taking one of Lucius’ hands in his own, “Of course I know…”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,600
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Kudos:
    26
    Bookmarks:
    1
    Hits:
    294
  19. Tags
    Summary

    With the newly reformed Edward Teach and Stede Bonnet saying their goodbyes, another member of the crew is departing the ship. He's just not making a show of it like the co-captains are.

    But what happens when Israel Hands cannot settle on land, after spending his life at sea?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,000
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Comments:
    2
    Kudos:
    30
    Bookmarks:
    3
    Hits:
    535
  20. Tags
    Summary

    I really like Bondi Rescue and I was talking about it with @NIffler_91 one night and like most of our conversations, it led to a "Imagine this but Sprizzy" and here we are. Izzy would make a good lifeguard, not least because he got a nice fucking chest.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    19,000
    Chapters:
    15/15
    Comments:
    6
    Kudos:
    34
    Bookmarks:
    5
    Hits:
    894

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