joon cries
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As Namjoon walks out of the lecture hall, finally done with his second round of midterms, he feels like he can finally breathe again. For the next two days, he has absolutely nothing planned. No work, no tests, no assignments. A whopping two whole days of freedom.
And the best part about it?
Seokjin.
OR
Their friends always call them a "power couple." Usually, Namjoon smiles at that. Maybe he even takes a little bit of pride in the title.
Lately, he's come to hate it.
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excerpt:
Jimin has often commented about how unhealthy it was for Jeongguk to do so, and to a large extent, Jeongguk is aware. But, the only reason he did it was just because he wanted Namjoon to love him. Jeongguk would’ve done anything for Namjoon to love him.
It’s part of the reason why Jeongguk hasn’t given up hope. They’ve both worked and sacrificed a lot to get where they are right now. Jeongguk doesn’t want it all to be for nothing.
There’s only so much Jeongguk can take, though, till it all starts to feel like a pair of hands around his neck growing tighter and tighter and tighter. There’s only so much he can take until he breaks.
//
(After many years, Jeongguk and Namjoon learn to fall in love again.)
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More Walls (Collected Along the Way) by Anna (pineconepickers)
Fandoms: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
06 Nov 2020
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“It seems like the kind of thing one ought to know, right? Whether you have a husband or not.”
Seokjin has been busy since his break-up with Namjoon seven years earlier, with swift promotions at his father’s investment firm, while Namjoon has, perhaps annoyingly, become one of the most prolific authors in Korea. Never mind that, of course, because Seokjin has moved on! It’s a bit of a shock, then, for Seokjin to discover that he is married – to his ex-boyfriend Namjoon.
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Bookmarked by confetticanon
24 Oct 2020
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Bookmarker's Notes
nov 10 2020
Last read: June 5 2021smut @ chapt 3
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“Fast-forward ten years and here they were, with Namjoon as the winner of the Hankyoreh Literature Award, the Kim Yong-ik Novel Prize, and the Surim Literary Award, to name a few. And yet, for all of those written words hanging between them, neither of them had any more to offer.”
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“Oh, fuck you!” Namjoon snapped back. “You always treated me like a kid – I thought about that a lot afterwards, you know! You thought me wanting to be an author was some childish dream that—”“But it was!” he cut in, feet slipping on the road as he came closer. “It was! Who makes it as a writer?! Who?! One of us had to be realistic, be the grown-up! So yeah, I stepped up – and you hated me for it!” He paused to get air in, an old ache in his heart. “But I never said you weren’t good, or talented, or deserving of selling your work, and if you’re standing here yelling at me like I ever said that, then you’re full of shit!”
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“but Namjoon was striking a different chord with him that was making him feel so fucking wanted and filthy, yet safe and adored.”
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“Hey, so,” Namjoon said, hands still in his pockets as he turned to face Seokjin. “What are we doing?” Namjoon slowly moved closer. “You should ask me again.”“Ask you what?”
“Why I’ve never moved back here.”
Quietly, Seokjin asked, “Why have you never moved back to Korea?”
“Because you’re Korea,” Namjoon said firmly. Seokjin blinked, and Namjoon shook his head. “I don’t see how I can live here and not have you be mine. It’s torture. This, right now? It’s torture.” Namjoon stepped closer, voice urgent. “Tell me to stop and I will – if you don’t want to hear this, then I’ll walk out right now and I—”
“Don’t,” he cut in, panicking. “Don’t do that. Please don’t do that. I can’t breathe thinking you’ll go.”
Namjoon’s eyes were large, sincere – but sympathetic too. “In that case… I need you to know that I don’t care anymore. Okay? I don’t care about all the things we’ve been angry about for years. I don’t care about the arguments about jobs, parents, other fuck-ups… We have so many fuck-ups. We could build a shrine to them at this point, alright? But I don’t care because I’ve forgiven us. You and me both. I’ve forgiven us.” Namjoon took in a deep breath. “But if you haven’t forgiven me? If you’re still punishing me or mad at me for what I did back then, then you need to let me know right now.”
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“Sometimes I think nobody will ever love me for the real me? I think Hyeon-u thought he loved me. But as things unravelled..” Namjoon trails off. He continues, “but I’m trying to learn how to fall in love with myself instead. That way, my self-love is the only one that matters.” Despite the sadness tracing his features, Namjoon smiles, his dimples appearing.
Seokjin feels a crack go through his heart. He should confess. He should say something. Like I love you, Namjoon. For all your good and bad sides. You are worthy of love. Let me love you. His throat closes up and his lips glue together.
or: Seokjin has been in love with Namjoon for a long time and when Namjoon suddenly breaks up with his boyfriend, Seokjin is left staggering. -
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“Jungkook-ah, please…” he says quietly. “I would never forgive myself for hurting you.”
Jungkook is crying in earnest at this point. The place on his knee where Namjoon is still holding him burns like a brand.
“You’re hurting me now,” he replies and takes little satisfaction in the way Namjoon’s face crumples.