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Chapter Text

Tsunade always supported healthy eating. As a medic nin, she would persuade threaten her teammates on proper diet and healthy lifestyle. She would always beat up Jiraiya for not eating his vegetables and glared Orochimaru to death whenever she learned that he ate nothing for the whole day, again. It was quite funny how in the end, she didn't heed her own rules and gravitated towards an unhealthy obsession with sake.

Orochimaru sighed for the third time that day when he remembered how Jiraiya somehow messed up his storage scrolls. Instead of the things he packed up for his mission, what that imbecile toad replaced for his food reserve (which consists of tea, protein bars and some food pills) was a storage scroll that had tons of cup ramen, hashi, a gallon of water and a kettle.

It was one of Jiraiya's pettiest pranks after Orochimaru snitched him to Tsunade for not eating the stir fry vegetable she made specifically for Jiraiya's consumption. And that event happened years ago! That imbecile still remembered it! That petty bastar—

Orochimaru swore that when he got back to Konoha, Jiraiya would pay.

But, back to his current predicament. 

The Snake Sannin glared at the pile of cup ramen on top of a storage scroll and cursed the Toad Sannin for his childishness. 

He felt exhaustion and hunger overtaking him after his mission. It was an A-rank retrieval mission he took after his sensei told him that he needed a capable shinobi for this task and someone discreet enough to enter Kumogakure and retrieve back a scroll from the Raikage's secret archives without alerting anyone with his presence. A scroll that consisted of forbidden jutsu made by the Nidaime Hokage himself that was stolen from his body after his death from the Kumo shinobi.

Orochimaru's mission lasted him seven days and for the duration of the week, he once or twice have eaten in one of Kumo's open tea shop when he declined with fervor to not eat any of Jiraiya's blasted cup ramen. He must have been influenced by the Toad Sannin's dim-wittedness because he haven't had the mind to restock his supplies at Kumo and now that it has been two days since his last intake of solid food, Orochimaru is fighting the fact that he needed to eat.

It will take him just a day of travel to go back to Konoha but his body insisted that he needed to eat now or he will be sent to oblivion because of hunger and exhaustion. 

Swallowing his pride and dislike of instant noodles, Orochimaru decided that once he got back to the village, Jiraiya will dearly, dearly pay for this.

He ran for another half an hour when he remembered a cave that the Sannin used to camp when they were just yet starting with their mission and found the location near the Land of Fire's boarder.

Orochimaru went inside the camp and gathered dried leaves to sit on. He built a fire to set water on a kettle and waited for it to boil. He took the chance to warm himself near the fire and retrieved a miso ramen from his storage scrolls when the water boiled.

Mentally cursing Jiraiya's whole existence, Orochimaru started eating his ramen.

He stopped at his first bite and cursed Jiraiya again. 

Orochimaru never had ramen before, because he believed that it was food for idiots, and it was really not that bad. It wasn't. And he won't tell Jiraiya that he instantly liked cup ramen at his first bite.

If cup ramen was this good, what of the real one?

He stopped at his mental ramblings and stiffen when he felt a presence near the cave. He paused eating and in a second, he threw a kunai at the direction where he felt the presence and was rewarded by a surprised squeak.

Orochimaru stood up from his position and readied himself from a fight when a golden creature emerged from the bushes where he threw the kunai. 

"Hey! What was that for?!" The angry squeak of a child, waving Orochimaru's kunai, "didn't you know that throwing this thing is dangerous and you might harm someone, 'ttebayo!"

The small child continued his angry rant about 'shinobi randomly throwing their weapon like a paranoid freak' and Orochimaru was left blinking. He expected an ambush from an enemy nin but a small angry child was not in his list.

He stared at the child and noticed his distinct features. His skin was tanned due to the long exposure from the sun, his dirty blond hair was sticking in all direction, strange whisker mark on both of his cheeks and he was wearing a dirty pair of jumpsuit that was shaded in the most obnoxious of orange. What intrigued him to the small child was when he caught a look at his eyes, it was startlingly blue.

His eyes didn't belong to a small kid but to a hard jaded veteran of war.

Orochimaru was brought back to the years when Jiraiya left them for three years to spend his time with the orphans they saw at Ame. Orochimaru insisted in killing the three children but the soft-hearted fool argued with him how they didn't deserve that. Orochimaru felt that his explanation as to why they should kill the orphans was reasonable at that time but Jiraiya didn't listen to him and he was surprised that Tsunade agreed with Jiraiya. So, the imbecile of a Sannin left them for three orphans of war and when he came back to the village, he peppered Orochimaru with stories of how those three will be a great shinobi one day because of their potential.

This child must also be an orphan of war because no small kid like him would be seen freely gallivanting at this part of the country.

Looking at the blonde-haired kid, his eyes were very different to those Ame orphans. Yes, he looked as dirty as those three and as miserable as them but the look in his eyes. It was hard. Clear. Determined.

(And so, so innocent.) 

Orochimaru has seen those eyes before. When Tsunade wanted to prove that she will be the greatest kunoichi of her clan. When Jiraiya yelled how he will train hard to beat Orochimaru. And when Orochimaru once looked at the mirror when he was a child and told himself that he will prove everyone wrong about their claims of him. 

This child...

"— and what if it really was just a rabbit and not an enemy and you made a fool of yourself in front of your teammates and that teme will call you paranoid—"

Orochimaru blinked to clear his musings and the child was still ranting but it was not about him anymore, it was about the 'teme always thought that he was so good than him' and he was very passionate about his words.

"— do you know understand my point, dattebayo?!" The child asked and stopped his flailing.

The Snake Sannin was left wondering what really was his point. But he held back his tongue before asking and just nodded. 

The child beamed at him and Orochimaru was struck at how brilliant he was... 

Orochimaru let the sunshine-haired kid approached him and he watched what he was about to do. The kid unceremoniously took the Sannin's hand that twitched at the hold and he carefully placed the kunai at his palm.

The Snake Sannin was blinking at the absurdity of his situation, then he remembered his manners. 

"Thank you," he said at the kid, still confused at why and how this was happening.

"No problem, dattebayo— is that ramen?"

Orochimaru looked at what the kid was looking at and saw his cup ramen near the fire where he left it after he threw the kunai and went back to look at the blond, he nodded. 

"It's good, right?" The kid asked and he narrowed his eyes at Orochimaru.

"It is," he replied.

The kid's narrowed eyes assessed Orochimaru for something and when he found what he was looking for, the Snake Sannin was again rewarded with his blinding smile.

"Ramen's the best, dattebayo!" He energetically pumped his fist heavenwards but stopped when he seemingly remembered something, "oh, but I have to go!"

The small child waved at him and he watched the kid ran away from him. 

Orochimaru stared at the kid's back and noticed how thin he was.

'He must've been hungry,' he mused absent-mindedly.

And before he knew it, Orochimaru called out, "do you want some?"

His voice was not loud but the kid swiveled back to look at him, stars twinkling at his eyes. 

"Really?!"

Orochimaru nodded. 

"Thank you!" The kid yelled and ran back towards the entrance of the cave to stare back at him.

Orochimaru gestured at the direction of the fire and the kid excitedly nodded to sit near the fire. The Snake Sannin opened another cup ramen and put hot water in it before giving it to the boy. 

"Itadakimasu!" The boy clapped his hands.

The Sannin was about to ask why he wasn't eating when he noticed that the boy was waiting for him to eat first. With a quiet 'itadakimasu' in Orochimaru's part, the kid immediately dug in.

Orochimaru watched the boy eat the food with gusto and he wondered if this was what Jiraiya felt like when he fed those Ame orphans when they first met them. 

He was feeling very strange... 

He can't help but asked, "what's your name?"

The boy stopped slurping noodles to look up at him, "I'm Uzumaki Naruto, dattebayo!"

He didn't know if he gave his name back to the boy because he felt his stomach dropped at the child's name. He didn't have the signature fiery red hair of the Uzumaki clan but he has some of the clan's facial structure and the boy didn't look like he was lying.

Orochimaru didn't like the conclusion forming at his head. 

Chapter Text

Naruto stared at the Rokudaime Hokage, clear confusion written at his face.

"So, you're giving me this... For free?" He asked while squinting his eyes. 

"Maa... Naruto, what's with that stare?" Kakashi asked and leaned back in his chair, "if I didn't know any better, I'll say my cute student don't trust me anymore."

"But why are you giving me this?"

"It's a gift." 

"A gift? What for, 'ttebayo?" 

Kakashi blinked his eyes when he noticed that Naruto didn't really know why he was giving him a gift.

"Because it's your birthday," Kakashi slowly said.

He was met with Naruto's wide eyes and surprised expression that turned into understanding.

"Oh." He said as if it was the most surprising fact he had learned for his seventeen years of existence, "so that's why Sakura-chan gave me coupons for Ichiraku's!"

He forgot.

He forgot it's his birthday. Of course he would.

"Thanks for this, sensei!" Naruto beamed and Kakashi eye-smiled back at him, "this squiggles are pleasant to look at!"

Kakashi almost face planted at his desk. Uzumaki Naruto, son of Namikaze Minato famed for his revival of the Hiraishin seal from the Nidaime Hokage's scrolls, son of Uzumaki Kushina who had one of the most brilliant minds at sealing after her clan, student of Jiraiya of the Sannin, the last of Konoha's Fuinjutsu Master, just called the Fuinjustu scrolls Kakashi gave him as 'squiggles' and 'pleasnt to look at.'

Kakashi fought back an urge to scream. After years of dealing with Naruto, he thought that nothing would surprise him anymore but of course, he was proven wrong at his assumption. Konoha's Most Unpredictable Shinobi would always be unpredictable and would always manage to surprise Kakashi.

The Rokudaime gathered his last will of saneness, "do you know what those are, Naruto?"

"Squiggles," he said like it was a fact. Like the world was flat and not round, like the Bijuus were fluffy domestic pets and not a massive creature of chakra and rage. 

"And what will you do with them?"

"I dunno," the blond teen shrugged his shoulders, "I guess I'll display them at my apartment. Sakura-chan always told me that my apartment's bare and I should invest on making it presentable somehow, dattebayo!"

This seventeen-year-old teenager was the Shinobi Nation's Savior, the Hero of the Fourth Shinobi War, the Jinchuriki of the Kyuubi no Youko... Kakashi sighed. 

"Those are Fuinjutsu scrolls," the Copy Nin said after a moment of mental image of what Naruto would do to his gift, "Minato-sensei and Kushina-nee-san's scrolls."

Kakashi watched at how bewildered Naruto became and looked back at the scrolls he was holding as if it was the most important artifact he had ever held.

"From Tou-chan and Kaa-chan?" He whispered to himself but Kakashi heard it.

He nodded, "I believe that you will like to have it."

Naruto looked up to him and stretched his lips in a smile that was so Naruto, "thank you, sensei."

Kakashi waved at the heartfelt gratitude and he fetched his copy of Icha Icha to hide his own smile.

"Maa... It's nothing, now scurry along, my cute student."

Naruto tried to understand what he was reading but after ten complete minutes of staring incomprehensibly at the notes and not understanding a single thing of what it was saying, Naruto brought it down.

Fuinjutsu... They're... They're squiggles!

How was he supposed to understand how this line would go with this line and how this scribble would match with this scribble?!

He applauded his Tou-chan, Kaa-chan and Ero-sennin for understanding this lines.

'Kit, you'll combust yourself from thinking.' Kurama grumbled as he was woken up from Naruto's loud thinking.

Naruto groaned at himself for not understanding his parent's notes when he remembered something. 

'Hey, Kurama!' Naruto yelled mentally.

He heard the fox sighed at his head so he continued. 

'Do you know sealing?' Naruto asked.

'I'm sealed for three generations of Jinchuriki, two of them were masters of sealing and one of them was a complete idiot,' Kurama deadpanned ignoring Naruto's whining, 'of course I know sealing.'

'Really? Can you teach me?'

'No.'

'Why, dattebayo?! You're no fun!'

'Sealing needs brain, kit, not brashness.' Kurama replied.

'Hey!'

Naruto crossed his arms and pouted. If Kurama won't teach him... Then he'll teach himself! Kakashi-sensei and Ero-sennin always told him that he understood better when he's experiencing it himself! 

It's not that he needed to do this, but he needed to. If what Kakashi-sensei told him was true, his parents were masters of sealing and they must've loved doing this. Even though Naruto knew that his parents were always watching out for him (with what happened when his Kaa-chan helped him with controlling the powers of the Kyuubi and meeting his Tou-chan for the second time at the Fourth Shinobi War), he'd always known that his parents' would always be with him even though they're both long gone. But with these scrolls... He'll have a connection with them. 

Maybe... Maybe he can continue their legacy. 

"Yes!" He nodded, determination shining in his eyes, "I can do this, 'ttebayo!" 

He looked for one of the sealing scrolls Kakashi-sensei gave him and looked at his parents' notes. From what he slightly understood, this scroll needed chakra to activate.

The blond Jinchuriki opened the scroll and placed his hand on top of the center of the scribbles where a circle was drawn. He channeled chakra in his hands when he heard Kurama yelled at him, accidentally channeling the Bijuu's chakra.

'Kit, no! Naruto, stop! That'll kill you—'

But it was already too late, the blond Jinchuriki was enveloped in a blinding flash of light and in that moment he was gone, leaving his apartment filled with unopened sealing scrolls.

When he was a child, Naruto always believed that Fate liked to mess with him. He was ostracized for a reason he didn't know and was treated as the village pariah, he always got into trouble with the civilian citizens and shinobi alike of the village. But when he got older, Sakura-chan told him that he must've been listed on Fate's list of the 'Unlucky Ones' because whenever there's trouble, he'd always be at the epicenter of it. 

Naruto learned how to adapt at how unlucky his life had become and after the war, he realized that he must've been Fate's favorite because despite the troubles he encountered, he would always stand up as the victor and he would come out of it with his life intact. Yes, he might failed to protect some of his precious people (Ero-sennin and Neji, Kami, bless them) but that would never bring Naruto down.

And now, Naruto considered himself as lucky, and Kurama agreed at how right he was. 

'Kit, open your eyes. Kit!'

Naruto's consciousness first returned to him when he heard the fox yelling at him, telling him to wake up.

'Ugh, what happened?' He asked Kurama as Naruto groaned and held his head with both hands. It was painfully throbbing— it's as if he received one of Sakura-chan's punches directly at his head.

'Your idiocy happened, that's what!' Kurama said and if Naruto looked at their shared mind scape, he would receive the full death glare of an angry Bijuu. 'Do you know how dangerous that was? You shouldn't mess with incomplete sealing scrolls! Especially if it concerns time and space!'

'Time and space? What do you mean, dattebayo?'

'What happened was that you traveled through time and space because you placed not only your chakra at that seal but also mine! That seal won't activate if you didn't put my chakra in it! You almost killed yourself because your body was torn into different pieces in space but I managed to hold onto you and put you back. Kit, when I told you that Fuinjutsu needed brain, I was not kidding. Thank your luck that you manage to stay alive for seventeen years!'

Naruto processed Kurama's angry rambling but he came up blank.

Okay... 'so... What does that mean?'

He was met with Kurama's angry roar at his mind and Naruto's headache ten-folded.

'You were displaced in time and space!' The Kyuubi yelled. 'You time traveled!' 

Naruto scratched the back of his neck when he comprehended his situation, 'I time traveled?! But that's impossible, dattebayo! That can't happen!'

'You defied the law of probability ever since you were born, kit. Nothing is impossible when it comes to you.'

Naruto groaned and buried his head to his knees. He stopped at what he was doing when he felt his hands. He raised his hand and started to pat himself. 

"AAAAHHH! I'm tiny!" The blond Jinchuriki yelled and stood up, "Kurama, I'm tiny! Why do I look like I'm five?!"

'Of course, you are! I told you your body was torn in time and space. I manage to salvaged some of your essence and was not fast enough to build you back as good as new, that's why you're so small.'

'How can I turn back?' Naruto asked.

'You can't.'

'What?! Kurama, why?!'

'Because you're an idiot. And oh, a small note, you can't also go back to your time.' 

Naruto was momentarily silenced due to shock. Wha... That couldn't be real! 

'Why's that?!' 

'You don't know a thing about sealing and I didn't exactly remember what that scroll was. We can't recreate the seal that placed you here because I will forbid you to mess up with Fuinjutsu scrolls again. Unless, you want to send your body into somewhere again and this time, I won't be enough to save you.'

'But that means... I... I can't go home?' 

'Just be thankful that you're still alive, kit!'

Naruto raised his hands in surrender. Grumpy, grumpy fox.

But if he couldn''t go home...

Then what would happen to Konoha?

What of Kakashi-sensei, Sakura-chan, Sasuke-teme, Sai-baka and Yamato-taichou? Would they miss him?

Would they notice that he's gone?

Would Tsunade-baa-chan notice that her favorite gaki was missing? 

Would... 

Would they be okay with him gone? 

Where would he stay? Would this place— this time— accept him for who he is? 

'Kit, you know I'll always be here for you, right?' 

Naruto was stopped from his dark thoughts by Kurama. He smiled to himself and nodded. That's right, brooding was Sasuke-teme's specialty! He didn't have the time to be dark and gloomy now! 

When he felt Kurama sent him a warm influx of chakra that calmed him immensely, Naruto plopped himself at the forest floor. He stared at the tall trees that shaded him and closed his eyes. His surrounding felt familiar and a grin broke down on his lips when he felt the chakra in the trees. 

He's near the boarder of the Land of Fire! That means... Konoha's nearby!

"I'll go back to Konoha and see when I am!" Naruto excitedly cheered, his small body vibrating with compressed energy of a seventeen-year-old mind. 

They better get ready for Konoha's No. 1 Most Unpredictable Ninja, Uzumaki—

'Kit, get going.'

"Aw! You ruined my monologue, dattebayo!"

He was rewarded by Kurama's booming laughter.

Yeah, no matter where or when he is, Naruto could do this, 'ttebayo!  

Chapter Text

Trees. 

Trees. 

Trees. 

Trees everywhere. 

Oh, look! Another tree!

"This is boring!" Naruto complained and he had the weird urge to stomp his feet... And so he did. He stomped his feet. 

'Quit stomping your feet like a five-year-old, kit.' Kurama said while his left ear was twitching.

"I can't! It's like I'm ordered to stomp my feet and it feels nice, 'ttebayo!" Naruto replied, "and my body's five years old!"

'Your mind's seventeen.'

'So?'

Kurama didn't bother to answer him and Naruto was left grumbling at himself. He almost smack himself at the head when he remembered how shinobi normally traveled. 

Why haven't he thought of that instead of walking?!

With a grin, Naruto dashed in the nearest tree he saw and stepped on it to ran vertically and propel himself on a run, only for him to smack his face in the tree and for his butt to hit the cold forest floor.

"Aw, that hurts," he moaned and massaged his nose.

Naruto heard Kurama laughing at him in his mind but he ignored the Kyuubi and stood up from his position. He walked towards the tree and raised a foot to stick it in. He tried channeling chakra at his foot but after seconds of failing, he brought his foot down.

"Why can't I use chakra, dattebayo?!" He asked to himself, his nose scrunching up with confusion.

'Idiot,' Kurama said as if exasperated, 'can you use chakra when you were five years old?'

'No.' Naruto answered and gasp loudly, 'does that mean I can't use chakra until I turned twelve again?! That's... That's unfair! What about my cool jutsus?!'

Kurama sighed and rubbed his snout with his paws, this idiot. 'I didn't say that. You can still use chakra but you have to practice. Your body needs to adjust with your current body and please refrain from using jutsu that needs large chakra or you will explode your insides.'

Naruto groaned. Oh man, he couldn't use his Bunshins anymore? He couldn't use Sage Mode? Bijuu Cloak?

He repeatedly hit his head on the tree and when he heard a voice in his head that suspicious sounded like Sakura-chan threatening him to take care of his body, he stopped. Having a small body's too troubleso— he mentally stopped himself when he was sounding like Shikamaru.

Naruto took a deep breath and repeated his mantra.

To Konoha!

To Konoha!

To Konoha!

"I can do this!" He yelled to himself and took off running.

He wasn't sure how many hours have passed but even when he felt tired, he pushed himself. There's no use in giving up! He's so near to the village now and if his guess was correct, it'll just be a day of running. He can do this. Naruto had spent more hour of running than that.

"I'm hungry," he suddenly told himself and almost smacked his face in another tree when he paused at running.

He heard Kurama laughing at him again but he ignored the fluffy fox. 

The blond Jinchuriki patted his stomach when it grumbled like an angry Bijuu and laughed at himself when he remembered that he does have an angry Bijuu at his tummy!

'It's not funny, kit,' Kurama snapped but Naruto continued laughing.

"That's funny," he wheezed and tried to calm himself.

His stomach grumbled again and Naruto winced, he forgot about that. He stood up from his lying position at the forest floor where he lied down to laugh and started picking up sticks. 

He gathered enough sticks to built himself a fire and he placed it near a tree where he found a comfortable place to sit and went to hunt for some rabbit. If he remembered correctly, this place has lots of rabbit, so he'll hunt some, skin them and roast it in the fire. Sounds like a great plan! Good job, Naruto!

He patted himself and nodded like a wizened Sage at how quick he's thinking.

See? He could do this!

'Snake!'

Huh?

'Do you want some snake?' Naruto asked the Kyuubi, confused because he had never seen Kurama ate before even when Naruto offered him some food and asked his preferences. Maybe he liked snakes? Should he roast a snake then? Would that taste deliciou—

'No!' Kurama replied, 'I felt a snake nearby.'

Naruto sniffed and nodded. He caught a whiff of snake nearby. 

'Do you want me to hunt and cook it?'

'Idiot, it's not a normal snake. Look for it, kit!'

Naruto followed what Kurama told him. He slowly went towards the direction where he smelled the snake and hid behind the bushes. He took a peek to look at the cave where the snake was residing and his eyes widened.

'Is that... Is that Orochimaru?!'

'Yes, kit.'

Naruto watched with wide eyes as the Snake Sannin prepared fire for himself. He took stock at what he was wearing and if it was possible, his eyes tripled in size.

Instead of his normal cream coloured yukata, Orochimaru was wearing a Jounin flak jacket. It was Naruto's first time seeing the man (woman? What did Sakura-chan called him again? An... andro... andro-something) wore Konoha's uniform but what truly shocked him was the hitai-ate in his forehead. It was Konoha's hitai-ate with no slash that indicated he was a missing nin. He looked like a normal Konoha Jounin camping to rest and eat before continuing his journey back to the village because he just finished a mission. 

'He's still at Konoha?' Naruto wondered and his roommate didn't bother to give him an answer.

Naruto stopped peeking from the bushes and took a sit comfortably when his legs felt uncomfortable. (Curse this baby body.) 

How far did he ended up in the past? If Orochimaru was still at the village... Did that mean he traveled back twenty years at the past?! Orochimaru deserted the village after the Yondaime Hokage was announced because of his disappointment that he wasn't chosen— Yondaime Hokage...

His Tou-chan and Kaa-chan were still alive! Even Ero-sennin! Obito's still a kid and even Kakashi-sensei! Naruto can see them alive (and happy) and maybe he can also save them—

'Are you sure, Naruto?' Kurama asked in a calm voice, 'are you sure you want to save them?'

'Yes,' he replied.

'But if you do that, if you change the past, you will change the future.'

'I want to change the future—'

'You will erase your future, kit. Zetsu and Madara is still alive at this timeline. If you started changing things, Kaguya can be revived. The Moon Eye Plan can still happen. Your friends might not even be born. Yes, you will save your parents but at what cost? Naruto, think about this.'

'I know the future, 'ttebayo! I know what will happen and I— we can stop it from happening altogether!' Naruto argued in a rare bout of knowledge, 'Obito won't turn into Tobi and in doing that, he won't trigger your attack at the village! We can prevent Zetsu's plan, Kurama! Maybe, we can even stop Nagato from spreading the cycle of hate. We can stop Danzo from ordering Itachi to massacre his clan! Sasuke didn't deserve to live as an avenger. Kakashi-sensei didn't... Didn't deserve to live a life full of guilt because of the death of his precious people!'

Kurama didn't answer Naruto and with slight irritation, he picked the dried leaves in his side and threw it. 'Don't leave me hanging, Kurama!'

A surprised squeak escaped Naruto's lips as he duck for cover when a kunai flew near his head and embedded at the tree behind him. He stared with horror as to how close that came to his head and he remembered another incident where he threw a kunai and he accidentally killed a rabbit.

Even though he was supposed to hunt rabbits, Naruto was offended for the rabbit's part.

He pulled the kunai embedded at the tree (with quite difficulty because of his tiny— baby hands!)

"Hey! What was that for?!" Naruto angrily yelled as he came out of the bushes, waving Orochimaru's kunai, "didn't you know that throwing this thing is dangerous and you might harm someone, 'ttebayo!"

He ignored the fact that the Snake Sannin was on a fighting stance, as if expecting an enemy nin to suddenly show up, and he continued his rant.

"Ninjas are always so paranoid even when you don't need it! Randomly throwing weapons at everything you think was an enemy and what if it really was just a rabbit and not an enemy and you made a fool of yourself in front of your teammates and that teme will call you paranoid! He'll look at you as if you're stupid and he'll always be at the top because he believe that he's good than you! And if you're just trying to impress them with your skills because you're not the deadlast they expect you to be but you were so paranoid that you attacked a rabbit! An innocent rabbit who might have a family! Now, do you know understand my point, dattebayo?!"

Naruto panted after he finished his rant. He remembered his first C-rank mission that turned into an A-rank when they encountered the S-rank missing nin, Momochi Zabuza, and his protégé, Haku, at the Land of Wave. Naruto was so embarrassed when he was showing off and threw a kunai at the rabbit. But of course, that embarrassment was quickly erased after their dangerous encounters, and now that he was at the receiving end of a kunai, he clearly remembered that incident.

Naruto paused in thinking and asked himself, 'why was I offended for the rabbit's part, in the first place?'

He was waiting for his mind's wires to work at why that was when Orochimaru nodded at him and Naruto visibly brightened up. Hey, atleast he'd leave an important lesson onto Orochimaru about unnecessary paranoia and showing off.

(This guy loved to show off.)

Naruto approached Orochimaru and took the Sannin's hand. He ignored its twitching as he gave him his kunai back.

"Thank you," the Snake Sannin said.

"No problem, dattebayo— is that ramen?" Naruto took a sniff at his surroundings and his eyes landed at the abandoned cup of ramen near the fire.

Orochimaru looked back at the ramen and nodded back at him. 

"It's good, right?" He narrowed his eyes while waiting for the Sannin's reply.

"It is."

Naruto watched Orochimaru, trying to determine if he was lying and when he saw that he wasn't, he was struck with a sudden realization. Huh, Orochimaru does eat... And he likes ramen!

'I guess, he wasn't that bad at this point,' Naruto mused to himself. Anyone who likes ramen was not bad at Naruto's eyes— a fact that made Kurama want to gouge his eyes out. 

"Ramen's the best, dattebayo!" He energetically pumped his fist heavenwards but stopped when he remembered that he still need to hunt for food because he really was now hungry, "oh, but I have to go!" Time to hunt for those rabbits... 

Naruto waved at the Snake Sannin and started walking towards the bush where he hid. He already gathered sticks and he just needed the rabbit to roast. Even though he protected the rabbit's dignity earlier, he still needed dinner. Poor, rabbit. 

"Do you want some?"

Naruto heard Orochimaru's voice even if he's whispering and he turned back to look at the Sannin.

"Really?!"

Orochimaru nodded. Naruto yelled his thanks and ran towards the cave's entrance. He waited for the Sannin to wave his hand in permission first before he followed and sat near the fire. The Snake Sannin retrieved miso ramen in his scrolls and put some hot water in it before he gave it to Naruto and handed him a hashi.

"Itadakimasu!" He thanked and waited for Orochimaru to do the same before he broke off his hashi and dug in.

"What's your name?"

Naruto stopped slurping his noodles to stare at the man, he hid his apprehension. Was he allowed to say his name? Did Orochimaru knew his Kaa-chan and see the resemblance? 

Despite his inner questions, Naruto smiled, "I'm Uzumaki Naruto, dattebayo!"

If Orochimaru had a strange look in his face, Naruto didn't see it because he continued eating. He's really hungry and ramen always taste best if you're tired and hungry! And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a known fact! 

After he finished eating, he was surprised when Orochimaru offered him another cup and he thanked the man profusely. He quickly finished his food and was about to say goodbye to the Snake Sannin, when a yawn broke through his lips and he rubbed a hand at his tired eyes. He wasn't sure what happened next because he's feeling so tired suddenly and cursed his chibi body again. Of course after a full meal, he'd feel sleepy! He was running all day and he was quite stressed out, dattebayo!

And when he opened his eyes, Naruto watched as Orochimaru settled near the mouth of the cave and the blond Jinchuriki looked confused as to how he was now lying down in a pile of dried leaves and a warm blanket was thrown over his shoulders. 

He looked back at the Sannin. 

'Kurama?' When the Kyuubi didn't answer, Naruto continued, 'maybe the Orochimaru of this time still has the chance to not be who he was at the future. I don't think... I don't think he's that cold hearted. Yes, he killed Hokage-jiji and kidnapped Sasuke-teme... But he's really not that Orochimaru yet. He's different from his future self, right? I think... I think we'll save him.'

He waited for Kurama's reply and when he felt his body shutting down because of sleepiness, he heard the Kyuubi's voice.

'Well, he did give you ramen and a blanket.'

Naruto smiled to himself and shut his eyes close. 

Chapter Text

Naruto was bouncing as he walked alongside the Snake Sannin, lips stretched in a wide smile and excitement twinkling in his eyes. 

"Really? You'll let me join you to Konoha?"

The Snake Sannin nodded, "since you have told me that you are planning to go to the village and we're already near."

"That's great, dattebayo!" He cheered and pumped his first in the air.

He heard the Sannin hummed at him and Naruto couldn't stop grinning. Future Orochimaru was a certified asshole, that Naruto was certain of. But this man, who's still loyal to the village is not that bad... Dare he say kind?

When dawn broke, Naruto was woken up by Orochimaru and the latter offered him cup ramen as breakfast and told Naruto that he have to go. When Naruto couldn't help but asked where he was going, Orochimaru replied that he just finished a mission and he's going back to Konoha. Naruto absent-mindedly told the Sannin that he was also planning to go to the village, when the Snake Sannin offered to let Naruto join him, the blond Jinchuriki didn't refuse. It would be easier for him if he have Orochimaru as a guide because even if he knew the way to Konoha like the back of his hand, there were differences to the forest that surrounded Konoha in this time than in his original timeline. The trees looked almost gigantic at his perspective and he sorely missed his seventeen-year-old body.

"Why are you alone in your journey?" Orochimaru asked after minutes of silence.

"Oh, I'm always alone," Naruto answered truthfully when he remembered his experiences at the village at this age. He had just left the orphanage where he grew up after his first meeting with Hokage-jiji and telling him how he wanted to be a shinobi— be a Hokage like him! The older man enrolled him at the Academy and gave him his apartment to rent.

At first he was receiving whatever he needed from the Hokage like food and clothes but after months has passed and he had adjusted, the Sandaime stopped providing him his needs and instead, gave him his monthly stipend to spend. Hokage-jiji said to him that if he wanted to be a shinobi, he needed to know how to stand up for himself. But of course, the Sandaime continuously visited him and never failed to treat him at Icharaku's after Naruto told him it was his favorite food. At that time, he never had a favorite food until old man Teuchi offered him free ramen when Naruto was shunned by restaurants and vendors who refused to let him buy anything even though he had the money to pay for it. He didn't tell the Hokage his situation because he knew that the old man was already spending his time with him in spite of the fact that he was always busy running the village.

"I never really met my parents," Naruto couldn't help but add (because some part of his brain told him to do so and he had the urge to follow it) and it was the truth. Yes, he did got to meet with his Tou-chan and Kaa-chan but he never got to meet them when they were still alive ang kicking. "My parents died when I was a baby."

He thought back at the fact that the child him was very lonely. He didn't have anyone at his side. The only one he got to talk to was Teuchi-san and Hokage-jiji. But somehow... It got better. He met Iruka-sensei that always worry for him even when he told him not to, Sakura-chan that always yelled at him to take better care of himself, Sasuke-teme that would always be a teme but now he's on a journey to redeem himself, Kakashi-sensei who would always be a lazy ass but was never late whenever they needed him, Ero-sennin that will always be perverted and who taught him how to give up hate and Tsunade-baa-chan that always called him gaki but managed to make it sound fond and heartfelt.

He missed them. It's been just a day that he haven't seen them but Naruto truly missed them. 

In his seventeen years of living at Konoha, he manage to build a family for himself. And now, he wouldn't... He wouldn't see them again. 

Without warning, he stopped walking when his dam broke down and he found himself rubbing at his eyes to stop the waterworks. He tried telling himself that he shouldn't cry because he's seventeen years old now and he's not actually five but he couldn't stop himself.

(Why was he crying?) 

"I'm sorry," he told Orochimaru because the Sannin let him travel with him and now he's slowing them down.

His companion didn't give him an answer but just let him cry and Naruto was thankful for that. He didn't need reassurances he didn't need pity, the silence was enough for him. 

Silence did comforted him sometimes. 

After crying and emptying his tearducts, Naruto apologized to the Snake Sannin and told him that it would be alright if he'd go first and leave him but Orochimaru just tilted his head at the village's direction and waited for Naruto to started walking. Naruto noticed that the Sannin was actually taking small steps instead of his normal elegant stride and the blond Jinchuriki smiled. He was considerate enough to match Naruto's slow walking because of his short legs.

"Hey," Naruto called out to the Sannin, "you never told me your name, 'ttebayo!"

The Snake Sannin raised an eyebrow at him as if surprised that he haven't introduced himself before, "Orochimaru."

Naruto's smile widened at he hummed to himself.

'Hey, Kurama! I think I like him already!' Naruto told the fox.

Kurama opened a single eye, 'that fast? Naruto, you shouldn't trust everyone you met.'

'Hey! I haven't heard you whine about me traveling with him, dattebayo! So that means you also like him!'

'I don't like humans, especially shinobi,' Kurama snapped back but venom was lacking at his voice.

'Oh, I know you like him,' Naruto teased, 'he's not actually happy trigger murder in this age. I'm surprised he hadn't tried to kill me yet but I guess, this is what he really was?' 

'Someone who treats you decently deserves consideration, kit.' The grumpy fox murmured and went back to his nap. 'And he feels different than the Orochimaru you know.' 

Naruto went back to humming when Orochimaru suddenly spoke. 

"If you don't mind me asking," the Sannin said in his soft voice (was his voice always that soft?) "where did you live?"

'Tell him that an old man took care of you and you used to live near Amegakure,' Kurama supplied. 'Also, he died because a missing nin killed him and you escaped. You have nowhere to go but you remembered that the old man wanted to live in Konoha so you taught it would be best to try that out.'

'Ame? Why in Ame? And who's the old man?'

'It's better to answer with bended truths. The old man's the Sandaime Hokage, kit, you first met him at this age right? And if we're twenty years at the past, Ame has just been destroyed by Konoha after the war and that village had tons of missing nin. Just tell it, kit!' 

"I used to live near Ame," Naruto answered as if it was a fact, let it be known that Naruto's a great liar, "but when a missing nin attacked our home, he... He killed Jiji but I escaped, 'ttebayo! I remembered Jiji telling me that he once wanted to live in Konoha, so that's why I..."

Naruto looked off at the distance, not wanting Orochimaru to see his face and know that he's lying. Even if it would save his life, Naruto couldn't tell a believable lie. He's worse than Kakashi-sensei at lying that one time, Sakura-chan had to pull him and talk to him. Sakura-chan taught him kunoichi skills that were specially taught to them at the Academy and one of them was lying. She really tried her best to make Naruto a believable liar because she said that lying might save Naruto's life one day, if the situation needed it, but the blond Jinchuriki was so bad at it that Sakura-chan had to give up. 

'Was that okay?' Naruto asked Kurama. 

'I think he'll believe you, you're in a child's body after all. Children are more believable,' Kurama agreed, 'asked him if you'll be welcomed at the village. Show a bit of hesitation.'

'But why, dattebayo?' 

'Kit... Just do it...'

"Do you think... The Hokage will let me stay, 'ttebayo?" Naruto asked to Orochimaru, heeding Kurama, when the Sannin remained silent after his words.

"Uzushiogakure and Konoha were sister villages," Orochimaru answered instead of saying yes or no.

Huh?

"Uzu... What now?" Naruto asked confused.

Orochimaru turned to look at him with a serious expression. 

"The Shodaime Hokage's wife was from Uzushiogakure, Uzumaki Mito. Her family was the main branch of Uzumaki and after the founding of Konoha, a partnership between Konoha and Uzushio was formed because the Uzumaki led the Village of Whirlpool. As you can see in every flak jacket of Konoha nin, an insignia of Uzushio was imprinted at the back to symbolize the two villages' unity," Orochimaru said and Naruto wondered if he was interested at teaching because for the first time, he understood history! He looked back at Orochimaru's flak jacket and woah! Why haven't he noticed that whirlpool shape before? It's the same in his jacket!

And the Hokage's wife was an Uzumaki? A village of Uzumaki? Why haven't he heard of that before? Why wasn't it taught at the Academy... Or maybe he wasn't just listening when Iruka-sensei was teaching them about that? And... And he have a clan?! A whole clan full of Uzumaki?! That's so awesome!

... Where are they?

"But sadly, Uzushio was destroyed ten years ago and no one knows how many survived after its destruction."

Naruto processed his words. His hope of finding his clan was immediately diminished after finding out that their village was destroyed.

"Why was Uzu destroyed? Who destroyed the village?" Naruto asked. 

"The Uzumaki were well-known for their talents and mastery for Fuinjutsu and because of that, some village feared them and bonded together to destroy Uzushio. It was done overnight and before Konoha received the news for help, the Land of Whirlpool was already destroyed. As to who destroyed them, that's an S-rank information that I can't tell you."

Listening to Orochimaru explained how a village of sealing masters were destroyed because of fear, Naruto thought that it was like the Uchiha massacre all over again.

A whole clan was decimated because of fear... If he was sent earlier, could he... 

'You know that you can't save everyone, kit,' Kurama said, voice serious.

'I know, Kurama. It's just sad that I know I can do something to save them but I can't because they're already gone. I know I can't save eveyone but... I can try, right?'

'If you know, then stop hurting yourself! It's not your fault! You melodramatic hero!' 

Before Naruto got to argue with Kurama that he's not melodramatic (what does that even mean? Was it the same as dramatic? What's a melo?), his eyes focused on the sight in front of him. Walls... Village walls.

Konoha.

He's home. 

Chapter Text

At his long years of being the Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen believed that there was just things that were certain to happen.

The Nidaime Hokage, his Tobirama-sensei, was killed at the hands of Kumo shinobi because it didn't matter that Hiruzen argued that he shouldn't sacrifice himself, the Nidaime would and will always sacrifice himself if his action would bring tranquility to the youth of Konoha that would continue living the Will of Fire.

He grew apart with his former teammate Danzo because he was the one to receive the title of the Hokage passed down to him by their late sensei himself. Ever since they were but a child, Danzo wanted the hat for himself and even when Hiruzen was the one wearing it, he didn't stopp coveting the Hokage's hat.

Tsunade was broken at how over time, those who surrounded her would always leave her side. After the death of Senju Tobirama, her great uncle, Tsunade started to be stuck in a place where she couldn't stand back up. Somehow, she was managed to be healed by the presence of her brother Nawaki and her lover, Nato Dan. But after the death of her remaining lifeline, Hiruzen was just waiting for the exploding seal to explode and Tsunade would be gone to the village. No matter how much her dedication to healing was, how could she heal someone when she couldn't even heal herself?

Jiraiya was the first one to leave. Yes, he came back but he was never the same again. Jiraiya has always been soft-hearted and it came to no one's surprise when he decided to leave the village and teach the three war orphans they encountered at Ame. After he came back, Jiraiya was always spouting about the cycle of hatred. In his three years of absence, he became a pacifist. He stated his rejection at violence and war— two of the most constant thing at a life of a shinobi. He started a new dedication at teaching his genius of a student, at learning and improving Fuinjutsu and he was a blossoming spy master that had made connections outside the village.

And Orochimaru, ever since he first saw Orochimaru, Hiruzen was certain that he would go down at a dark path. Orochimaru has always been a genius at heart but his morals always switched from black to grey— never the white. At one point, Orochimaru was good. He was good. Hiruzen saw a broken soul at his young student and he tried to do his best to make him avoid the path of darkness. But after Jiraiya left, after Tsunade started wallowing herself with grief, Orochimaru completely shunned himself from everyone. He rarely met with Hiruzen and when he asked what his student was doing, Orochimaru would always reply that he was busy with his studies. Studies that he wasn't sure if it was ethical anymore. Hiruzen was hesitant to confront his student with this issue because he was afraid that if he showed Orochimaru how he was becoming suspicious, his student would be broken and and traverse that dark path of becoming something who he wasn't. Something who he shouldn't be. 

Those were the things that Hiruzen was certain what no matter what he did, would always happen.

Looking back at the certainties, Hiruzen was curious at to how Orochimaru had started to take a step on a path that he wasn't sure what the outcome would be. Maybe, it was because of the blond Uzumaki. 

"Hokage-sama."

"Bear," Hiruzen addressed the ANBU that suddenly appeared in his office.

"Orochimaru-sama was seen at the village gate," Bear reported in a monotonous voice.

Hiruzend nodded and lit his pipe, "I shall wait for him here. Dismiss."

It hasn't been five minutes since the ANBU was dismissed that Hiruzen heard a knock at his office door. The door swung and Hiruzen gave a small smile to his student.

Orochimaru slightly dipped his head when he step a foot inside his office as a sign of respect. Out of all his students, he's the only one who knocks in the door whenever meeting him— Jiraiya uses the window instead of the door and Tsunade just barges in, most of the times destroying the hinges or the door itself.

His brows rose in surprise when a small blond kid trotted next to Orochimaru like an adorable chick and he was looking at him with wide eyes. Hiruzen noted the whisker marks in both of his cheeks and the state of his clothing.

Why would Ororchimaru bring a child to him? Where did he get the child?

Who... 

"Wow, Jiji! You look young!"

"Orochimaru-sama, welcome back," one of shinobi guarding the gates, who looked like an Aburame, greeted at Orochimaru.

"I hope your mission treated you well, Orochimaru-sama." The shinobi who looked like a Hyuuga said as he handed a form towards Orochimaru.

"It did," the Snake Sannin replied as he started filling up the informations required for the gate pass.

Naruto looked up to the three shinobi, watching their interaction with wide eyes as the Hyuuga and Aburame talked to Orochimaru. Huh... He never saw the Sannin talked to other shinobi like this before. He wasn't weird towards them. Huh...

"And who is this little guy?"

All of their attention was turned to Naruto as the Aburame noticed him. 

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto, 'ttebayo!" He introduced himself and automatically pumped his fist. (Why was he doing this?)

The Aburame and Hyuuga stared at him with slightly wide eyes but before they got to ask, Orochimaru handed his form and started walking away. Naruto waved to the two shinobi before following the Snake Sannin.

Naruto was looking at everything. His head kept turning back and forth as he stared at the buildings that weren't there in the Konoha of his time. Some of the establishments that he used to see weren't there and the living settlements looked old in style. 

(He was hoping that that there's Ichiraku Ramen at this time because Konoha is not Konoha without the best ramen!)

The Kyuubi attack really did change Konoha because almost everything he saw was unfamiliar to him. Maybe their anger at him really was justified? Sure, Kurama wasn't really at fault for that attack and Naruto wasn't really a demon but just a container for the embodiment of chakra— but fear could do anything. 

Fear could destroy whole clans and village.

Fear could ostracize an innocent child. 

But Naruto knew better. Ero-sennin taught him that you should only be afraid of fear itself and you should never let hate control you. Because if it did... You could do unimaginable things you wouldn't wish you did. 

The only thing he noticed that was very familiar to him was how everyone was giving him a wide berth— as if avoiding him. His shoulder slumped when he remembered how he was treated at Konoha before everything that Naruto did for the village, when his attention caught something. They weren't staring at him but at Orochimaru.

They were looking at the Snake Sannin like how they used to look at Naruto. 

(How Naruto hated those cold and indifferent eyes.)

But before he really thought about why they were looking at Orochimaru like that, they already arrived at the Hokage Tower. Some shinobi were greeting Orochimaru and he nodded back to them and some were giving Naruto questioning looks as if wondering what's a five-year-old boy doing with Orochimaru, no one had the chance to ask because the Sannin was walking towards the Hokage's office.

"Hokage-sama is already waiting for you, Orochimaru-sama," an ANBU suddenly appeared wearing a mask of bear.

Orochimaru tilted his head before the ANBU shunshined away. The Sannin knocked at the door and Naruto remembered how Ero-sennin refused to use doors and Tsunade-baa-chan would just barge in, not caring if she destroyed something. Huh...

When the Sannin entered, Naruto followed immediately, excited to see his Hokage-jiji and he abruptly stopped when he saw him.

"Wow, Jiji! You look young!" He burst out and looked at the Sandaime with wide eyes.

He lacked some of the wrinkles in his face that he was used to seeing and he's not that small yet! Naruto remembered that when Jiji was sitting behind his desk, almost from the shoulders down, it was hidden because he's so small! And his hair! It wasn't white but brown! Even his beard was brown! 

Naruto's mental image of the Sandaime being born with wrinkles and a pipe in hand was squished in his mind when he stared again at the Hokage's face. So, he wasn't born like that?! All this time Naruto was wrong?! 

This was ridiculous, 'ttebayo! Time travel was ridiculous! 

'This is weird,' Naruto thought, 'this Konoha is weird, Kurama. Weird, dattebayo!'

Kurama only sighed at the idiocy of his Jinchuriki. 

Chapter Text

Orochimaru is a scientist. 

Let it be known that once Orochimaru felt curious, he's prepared to do everything to feed it.

If there's a jutsu that caught his interest, he'll research about it and do everything for him to aquire it. If there's a study that he felt lacking, he'll spent his time gathering information and improving the subjects that requires information.

But if he's interested in a person, he always felt this tug in his gut that tells him to dissect them. He only felt this tug for two people. First was the current Kage of Amegakure, Sanshuou no Hanzo. And the second, quite frankly, was one of Konoha's counsellor and the warmonger himself, Shimura Danzo.

When Jiraiya, Tsunade and Orochimaru faced Hanzo the Salamander at the battle field, Orochimaru wanted to dissect the Kage so badly. He was interested. He wanted to know how his body functioned with all of that poisoned travelling through his veins and vessel. He needed to know how his body resisted the poison of the salamander that was inserted inside him and how it built up an antidote that made him resistant to all kinds of poison. Even Chiyo of the Sand, one of the counsellors of Sunagakure, never found out how Hanzo's body works. And when Hanzo left them alive and gave them the name of Densetsu no Sannin, Orochimaru thought that his mind must have been affected by the poison. Because who in their right mind would leave an enemy alive and give them a name for honoring them?

He was interesting in a scientific way.

And when Orochimaru first met Shimura Danzo, he kept quiet, observing the man and wondering why he wanted to open him up.

("I want to dissect him," eight-year-old Orochimaru said after Sarutobi-sensei left with Danzo. "What? No, Orochimaru, he's not a frog. We don't dissect people!" Tsunade yelled while Jiraiya kept on laughing at the background because he thought Orochimaru was kidding at the time. He wasn't.)

Shimura Danzo was interesting. Orochimaru wanted to open him up and figure out how his brain works. Sarutobi-sensei was his friend but why was he coveting the hat while the Hokage's still alive? Wasn't he contented that the hat was given at his friend and not to him? Orochimaru has hundreds of questions playing in his mind when he observed how Danzo interacted with his former teammate, Sarutobi-sensei.

Tsunade always told him that people should never envy each other. Jiraiya always told him that friends should always support each other. But why was Danzo contradicting what the two said to him? Tsunade and Jiraiya were always right when it came to this things... They're always right when it's about morality...

Danzo was a dangerous man, that Orochimaru was sure of. He's contradicted what Orochimaru was taught of but even then, Sarutobi-sensei didn't notice what was happening when it came to this man. What was it that he had that even when Danzo requested war in front of Sarutobi-sensei, the Hokage won't blink an eye? Why can't the Hokage see that his friend wasn't really his friend? 

This man was an unknown specimen that reeked of danger and death, and nobody seemed to notice it aside from him.

If Tsunade or Jiraiya can hear his thoughts, Orochimaru wasn't certain what they'll say after they learned that when he's interested in a person, he wanted to dissect them.

But looking back to his present, Orochimaru felt interested at the Uzumaki boy. The curious thing was, he didn't want to dissect him. He didn't want to open the boy up. No, no... Orochimaru haven't felt that certain tug at his gut but what he felt was a different tug. 

It was warm. 

He felt warm. 

Whenever the blond Uzumaki directed a smile at him, Orochimaru felt this warm feeling in him. It started with his chest that spread throughout his body. 

When the Uzumaki boy cried, Orochimaru regretted that Tsunade never taught him what he should do to make the tears stop.

It was curious. He was curious. But he didn't want to study him, he didn't want to research about the boy, he didn't want to dissect his small body and he didn't know what he wanted to do with this blond Uzumaki.

It was the first time that Orochimaru didn't know what to do but he didn't want to use his normal methods for knowing. 

He didn't know why he wanted to feed him, why he wanted to educate him and why he wanted to keep him. 

It was slightly irritating, to be quite honest.

(Tsunade and Jiraiya hasn't explained to him what and why this was happening to him.) 

"The boy's an interesting child," Sarutobi-sensei commented when Uzumaki Naruto was sent with an ANBU to the cafeteria because his sensei wanted to talk to him.

Orochimaru remained silent and remembered how bewildered Sarutobi-sensei was when the Uzumaki exclaimed how young he looked, how brown his hair was, how excited he was at meeting him and how weird this village was. The Sannin was wondering what the boy meant at the last part but he remembered that he used to live near Ame— of course Konoha's peace will be weird to him.

"What will you do with him?" Orochimaru asked.

The Sandaime remained silent for a minute, as if thinking before he spoke. 

"What happened to Uzushiogakure, it haunted me," Sarutobi-sensei said in a bout of honesty and Orochimaru raised a questioning brow to the man but kept on listening, "we were too late to help them, too late to stop how their fate ended. That's why I swore to myself that if an Uzumaki, a lucky survivor, sought an asylum to the village, I will accept them with open arms because they're my responsibility as the Hokage."

A blanket of silence envelope them after the Hokage's words and Orochimaru waited what his decision towards the Uzumaki boy will be.

"I'll let him stay with me for the time being. Kushina's out of the village for a misison with her team and I don't know when they will be back. I believe that she'll want to see a survivor of their clan and if she wanted to keep the boy, I'll let her," the Sandaime decided.

Orochimaru nodded but didn't voiced out his agreement. 

The decision about the Uzumaki boy was final and Orochimaru let it ended there. When his sensei asked how his mission turned out, he reported what had happened and gave him the scroll that he wanted to retrieve.

Over the time of his report, his mouth was functioning on an autopilot, so used to giving mission reports but his mind was wandering through different places. It kept on repeating the scene when Orochimaru let the boy sleep in his cave and let him travel with him. He felt disappointed at his Hokage's decision and he didn't know why that was. All he knew was that Uzumaki Naruto affected him in a way that has never happened before.

"I see," the Sandaime said after a moment and accepted the scroll Orochimaru gave him, "thank you for your service, Orochimaru."

Orochimaru dipped his head and started walking out of the Hokage's office. But when he was about to open the door, he hesitated. He never hesitated before. 

Sarutobi-sensei noticed his hesitation because he asked, "Orochimaru, is there something wrong?"

The Snake Sannin turned back to look at his sensei and blurted out, "can I please keep him?"

The Hokage was surprised at his question because both of his brows rose and his eyes slightly widened. 

"Until Uzumaki Kushina comes back?" He decided to add and clarify what he meant.

The Hokage stared at him for a minute and he let it happen. He was looking at something Orochimaru wasn't sure what it was but he must have found it because he nodded. 

"Alright," the Hokage agreed.

Orochimaru sent him a small smile before he left. 

Chapter Text

'Kit.' 

'Hmm?'

'Have you remembered the lesson I taught you about not trusting someone you just met or you know, strangers?'

'Yeah, dattebayo! You just said that to me earlier!'

'Then why—' 

'Hmm?' Naruto wondered why Kurama trailed off until he heard a roar in his mind.

'—are you going to stay with Orochimaru?!'

Naruto winced at the intensity of Kurama's voice and thought that the Kyuubi really knew how to amplify his voice. It almost rattled his ears off even though Naruto heard him in his mind.

'He's not a stranger! He told me his name earlier!' Naruto reasoned out and mentally patted himself how brilliant it was, 'besides, I knew him in the future or have you already forgotten about that?'

'You... Insolent kit! You're making my brain hurt at how idiotic you are!'

'Hey! You're making my brain hurt with all those shouting! Why are you so grumpy, 'ttebayo?!' Naruto asked and flail his hand. Orochimaru curiously looked at him but he didn't notice it, being too busy with the Kyuubi.

'I told you that he felt different but Orochimaru is still the Snake Sannin! You should be careful when dealing with him!' Kurama snapped back, 'yes, you wanted to save him from becoming an insane man but he's still dangerous, Naruto. Why aren't you even wondering why he wanted you to stay with him and not with the Hokage or someone who can look for you for the time being until Kushina comes back!'

Naruto determinedly looked up to Orochimaru and now noticed his curious gaze but he ignored it in favor of asking, "why do you want me to stay with you?"

The Sannin blinked, not expecting his question, but he immediately gathered himself, "because I want to."

'Because he wanted to!' Naruto relayed to Kurama, quite proudly in fact. 

'I can hear him! You—' Kurama stopped and he sighed, 'Kami, give me strength. I can't deal with this blockhead anymore.'

Naruto tilted his head and wondered, 'but you are strong, Kurama.'

'Shut up! I don't want to talk to you anymore!' The Bijuu snapped and promptly closed his eyes to sleep. 

'Aw, but—'

He stopped whining and thought back to how Orochimaru told him what the Hokage has decided. His jaw almost dropped (it did) when the Sannin told him that if he wanted to, he could stay with Orochimaru at his house until his Kaa-chan comes back from her mission. Naruto has gladly accepted the offer even though he was surprised that the Sannin even wanted to let him stay with him. Now that he thought of it, he had no plans whatsoever on what he'd do now that he's at Konoha. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to stay with his parents because he didn't know if they're even together together or if they were also a child at this time. Was he supposed to tell them that he's from the future? Could he even tell them that? (Will they accept him?) 

Time travel was so confusing! Naruto's head was now hurting because of all the thinking he had done. 

"Is there something wrong?" Orochimaru finally asked after watching the child flail for the second time.

"Uhm, why?" The blond Jinchuriki asked back.

"You kept on flailing your arms," the Sannin answered.

Naruto looked at his arms and immediately stopped himself when he noticed that Orochimaru was right and he quickly spoke, "I'm just thinking."

Orochimaru accepted his answer and he stopped in front of a wooden gate to open it. Naruto followed Orochimaru inside and he was surprised at the Sannin's place.

"It's a compound, 'ttebayo!" He exclaimed, looking at the spacious place and the huge red trees planted at the front yard. He pointed at the tree and asked, "what are those called?"

"Acer palmatum or commonly known as Red Emperor Maple," the Sannin answer— again, his voice sounded like Iruka-sensei when he was teaching an important stuff back at the Academy and Naruto found that he liked it when the Sannin readily answered his questions— "it gives nice shade and I liked the color of it when it was the season of autumn."

The blond Jinchuriki stared at the tree for one more time before giving his attention to Orochimaru, "I also like it," he declared in agreement. 

The Sannin quirked an eyebrow and started to enter his house. Orochimaru's house was a Minka or a traditional house that Naruto only saw at the Hyuuga's compound and at that one abandoned compound near the Academy that had been vandalized with words like 'traitor', 'failure' and 'die' (he always wondered who used to live there because those words were harsh enough to make Naruto sad in empathy for that person). The floors were made of tatami and the sliding door was made of wood and thick paper.

Naruto got excited when he entered the entrance hall and he mimicked Orochimaru when the Sannin removed his shoes and put it at the wooden cabinet where shoes were placed. The Sannin toured him at the house and Naruto's only comment was that it was huge! He didn't know if Hinata's house was bigger or Orochimaru's! The blond Jinchuriki appreciated the engawa that leads out of the backyard where there was a koi pond and another maple tree!

After their tour was over, Orochimaru turned back to him, "you already ate at the Hokage Tower, right?"

The blond Jinchuriki nodded. 

"I'm sure you were tired after our travel, so, you'll have to take a bath first before going to sleep."

Naruto agreed because he was already feeling tired and his eyes were heavy. (Curse, curse this baby body!) 

Orochimaru lead him in a bathroom that almost looked like an onsen and when he told his observations to the Sannin, he just quirked an eyebrow before he ushered him to take a bath. Naruto took it quickly and Orochimaru offered him some small yukata that he immediately wore, not caring if it didn't look good at him because he really just wanted to sleep.

Half dead at his feet, he followed the Sannin when he lead him to a new room and when he saw the bed next to the window, he dove for it and promptly went to sleep after saying his goodnight.

He didn't hear if the Sannin replied or not because he was already at his dreamland.

It was hours after his dead sleeping when Naruto suddenly bolted awake. He was hearing Zetsu at his head, cursing his existence and telling him how he shouldn't have lived, that they should've killed him when he was born because he ruined their plans.

There were times when Naruto was subjected to nightmares. Yes, the war was over but sometimes his mind remembers how helpless he felt when he thought that they wouldn't win and the world would be subjected to the Moon Eye Plan. Sakura-chan told him that it wasn't PTSD and it was just normal for him to sometimes experience that and he was thankful that he didn't have PTSD because he saw how men almost as strong as him suffer from that and never recovered.

At times like this, Naruto would visit Kakashi-sensei and just talk to him. The man was always ready to hear him out and trade stories with him. It became one of their bonding times that even if he wasn't having nightmares, Naruto would seek him out at the middle of the night because he knew that his sensei needed someone to talk to.

("They still haunt me," Kakashi-sensei said one night when they were at the top of the Hokage Mountain, sitting at the Yondaime's head. "It's hard to accept that what happened wasn't my fault when I was there and did nothing to prevent it.")

But now that Kakashi-sensei wasn't here. Naruto wasn't sure who he'd go to. He really wanted to go back to sleep because of exhaustion but he didn't want to be alone right now.

Orochimaru just finished his bath after he finalized all his papers that he was researching and was now planning to go to sleep. He entered his room and lied down at the bed to get some much needed rest. 

When he had just closed his eyes, he heard the door to his room slid open and he readied himself for an attack. What he felt next was a light poking at his cheeks and small feet shuffling next to his bed.

After silence rang through his room, light snoring was heard and Orochimaru finally opened his eyes to look at his blond attacker. The little Uzumaki child was sleeping at the floor next to his bed. The boy must have had nightmares to be suddenly awoken at this late hour. 

The Sannin observed the rising and falling of his chest and how the light of the moon hit the blond's face.

He really was just a child.

Orochimaru tutted, realizing that the Uzumaki boy would probably get cold if he kept on sleeping on the floor. 

"How curious," he murmured and brushed the boy's hair up. 

If Orochimaru carried the boy and laid him at his own bed and covered him with warm blankets, no one would know except from him.

And from Kurama who's observing the whole ordeal. 

Chapter Text

Naruto was quite comfy at his bed, thank you very much. 

He snuggled deeper at the warm blanket that enveloped his body and when he was considering to go back to sleep, he took a sniff in the air and his unconsciousness was quickly drained away. The blond Jinchuriki smelled something delicious and his stomach growled in agreement.

He sat at the soft bed and roamed his eyes at the room that he was staying at. If his hazy memories served him right, this wasn't the room Orochimaru gave him.

There was a wide open window to his left side, earthy green curtains pulled back to let the sunlight enter the room. Across from where he was sitting on the bed were wooden sliding door that lead outside the engawa. There were several hung scrolls on the wall that Naruto couldn't comprehend what they meant. And when he looked at the door, there was a carving of trees and snakes in it that suspiciously looked like the maple tree outside the backyard.

Was he in Orochimaru's room? How did he got here?

His questions were answered when the wooden door slid open and there came the Snake Sannin. 

"You came here at my room and decided that the floor was a nice bed to sleep on," Orochimaru said when he noticed the questions in his eyes, "I was just about to wake you up."

"Good morning, 'ttebayo!" Naruto greeted, feeling his cheeks heating up at the thought that he sought the Sannin because he was having nightmares.

The Sannin tilted his head at him, black hair falling to his shoulders, "I hope you like steamed fish."

"It's okay, I guess?" Naruto wondered out loud.

"Would you care for some breakfast?"

And the Sannin didn't need to say a thing no more! Naruto was up in an instant and he was following him through his huge house. They got to the dining hall and he sat in front of the Sannin. Naruto looked at the prepared food with wonder. It was his first time having normal breakfast. Normally, he'd boil some water for his ramen or he'd heat up the leftover food he had on his refrigerator and hastily eat it because he's late for a training or a meeting with his team.

But when Naruto eyed the cooked rice, miso soup, stir fry vegetables and steamed fish, he can't help but wonder how nice this was.

(It really is nice.)

Naruto took a bite at his fish and his eyes widened with glee. 

"It's good!" He exclaimed, "not as good as ramen but it tastes delicious, dattebayo!"

"I'm glad you like it," Orochimaru pleasantly said and started eating his breakfast.

Did Orochimaru also cooked for Sasuke? Was that one of the reason that he stayed with him for three years?

Huh, such a loss that he never tasted the Snake Sannin's cooking before or he'd help him invade Konoha.

(Ha ha, he's kidding! Ha...) 

(Naruto really wished that he was.)

"Why must you choose everything at the shade of orange?" Orochimaru asked as if preventing a sigh and a face palm at Naruto's choices.

"Because yellow plus red is orange, 'ttebayo!" The Uzumaki proclaimed.

"And what does that mean?"

"It means, it's a great choice!" He answered and nodded to himself, agreeing how right he was.

The clerk entertaining them tried to dissaude the Uzumaki at his choices but the Sannin held a hand, signaling him to stop.

"Do you have orange for those clothes?" The Snake Sannin asked to the flustered clerk. The latter immediately nodded and went inside the storage to find those blasted shade of clothes.

Orochimaru looked down at his charge when he felt him tugging at his yukata. 

"Hey, hey."

"Hmm?" He raised an eyebrow.

The boy was hesitant but he decided to ask anyway, "are you sure you're going to buy me all those clothes? I mean... I can't pay for them but I'll... I'll try to look for a job to pay you—"

"I am pretty sure," Orochimaru interrupted what was about to be a long reasoning from the boy on how he would pay him back— and the child's five years old, what work would he find? "and you don't need to pay me back."

"Are you really sure—"

"I don't do things that I don't like, little fox." Orochimaru didn't know what came to him when he called the child with an endearment.

(Was he finally going insane? Is this his road to madness—)

"Why would you call me little fox, dattebayo?!" The blond Uzumaki asked, scrunching up his nose in confusion. The Sannin saw something like fear at his eyes before it was wiped off.

He wondered if it was his imagination playing at him...

"You have whiskers," the Sannin simply replied and sent his attention to the clerk walking towards them, holding a bundle of obnoxious clothes.

"Foxes aren't the only one who have one! There's cats or... Or kittens!"

Orochimaru remained silent and didn't find it himself to answer why he called him that. 

(It was one of those weird feelings concerning the child that Orochimaru was suddenly doing something he didn't understand. Something pushed him to call him that and he did.)

Naruto stared back at the man that was glaring holes at Orochimaru and he almost wanted to bare his fangs— one of his Kyuubi cloaks had the ability to grant him one.

'Why are they looking at him like that?!' Naruto exclaimed at his head, waiting for Kurama to enlighten him.

'Kit, have you ever looked at him?' Kurama asked and did an impressive jaw-breaking yawn.

'I have eyes, dattebayo!' He replied.

'Then you should've noticed how different he was from everyone.'

'Everybody's different from everybody!' He reasoned, 'why do people shunned those who are different from them? It's always like this. Whenever or wherever, if people do not understand something, they either hate it or fear it. Why can't they just accept that?' 

'That's the simple nature of humans.'

Naruto furrowed his eyebrows in thought and the Sannin saw him did that.

"I don't like the way they're looking at you," Naruto suddenly said. Voice serious as another civilian passed by and gave them a wide berth and those cold, cold eyes.

Orochimaru was surprised at what he said because he faltered for a moment, tracks stopping as he looked down at Naruto. The blond Jinchuriki was staring back at him with determination.

"I'm used to it," Orochimaru answered and went back to walk.

"But you shouldn't have to," Naruto mumbled, remembering how he used to repeat Orochimaru's same exact words at himself when he was younger. All alone but surrounded by the coldness of others treatment at him and their harsh eyes.

The Sannin was more similar to him than he would have thought. He was like a Jinchuriki shunned by the village because they hated or feared him (or in Gaara's case, tried to make him gone by the people his father that he once trusted.) 

But the thing was, he wasn't a Jinchuriki... So, why? 

That night, Orochimaru was woken up by soft padding of feet outside his room. He took a glance at the door when it slightly slid open and the blond Uzumaki poked his head in.

"Uhm..."

He seemed hesitant at what he wanted to say but Orochimaru already knew what he wanted. Even though he hated sharing his bed with others because he never trusted them to not stab him at his sleep (Jiraiya and Tsunade were an exception to this because he got used to sharing bed rolls with them when they're at a mission and if someone did managed to creep at them while they were sleeping, those two would stab and broke the spine of whoever dared to even stab him while sleeping) or do something horrendous to him, Orochimaru sat at his bed and beckoned the child to enter.

The Uzumaki silently entered and closed the door behind him. He walked near Orochimaru's bed and the Sannin watched as the child was still hesitant to ask him.

"You can sleep here," Orochimaru suggested, thinking that the child must've been suffering from night terrors.

Maybe his terrors included memories of what had happened to him and to the old man that took care of him and if he was remembering Jiraiya's stories, his students in Ame also suffered from nightmares because they all watched their family die in front of them.

"I don't mean to impose..." and the blond looked down at his feet.

Orochimaru disliked seeing this timid version of the energetic child he knew. So, he opened his blankets and patted the empty space next to him.

The little fox looked up to stare at the space and with little to no hesitation, he jumped at the bed and snuggled at his blankets.

Orochimaru sighed as seconds passed, the child was already snoring deep in his sleep. He looked down at the child and the same warm feeling he always felt when he was with this child hit him.

His situation concerning the blond Uzumaki was an odd one. He still couldn't understand why he wanted to keep the child or take care of him. He did not understand his actions when it came to the child. And he's still curious as to what was happening to him. 

His relationship (can he call it a relationship? Was this what Jiraiya meant when he told Orochimaru that should form a bond with other people? What exactly was his relationship with this blond child?) with the little fox was too sudden. His actions were impulsive and was based on what this strange warm feeling was... 

It was abrupt but...

It wasn't bad. 

Chapter Text

Somebody was following Sakumo.

He wasn't a seasoned shinobi and named as the White Fang for no reason.

Somebody was following him and he could feel it.

He first felt it when he was at the market buying extra eggplants for Kakashi because he knew how much his son loved the vegetables when he felt someone staring at his back and his presence was warm. This may be a normal occurrence to him ever since he was dubbed as a 'war hero' but even though it has been minutes since he got out of the market and was walking towards the Hatake Compound, the warm presence was still there.

Sakumo took a sniff and he smelled a curious tint of sunshine, fox and snakes in the air... And it was near him.

Sakumo swiveled back to face the presence following him and almost unsheathed the tanto strapped at his back when he was greeted by crystal blue eyes. 

"Uhm..." He pondered what to say because a blond child that looked like Kakashi's age was intensely staring at him.

"Do you like dogs?" The child ask. 

"Yeah?" Sakumo answered with uncertainty, not knowing why this child was asking him that. 

"Are you sure?" The child tried to clarified. 

"Yes," Sakumo repeated but this time, very sure of himself. He liked dogs. His son's summon Pakkun was a pug and both Kakashi and Sakumo were very fond of the pup. 

Sakumo almost fidget when the child's staring got more intense (how was that possible?) and he waited what the blond child will do next. He almost sighed with relief when the child nodded and smiled at him. 

"That's good! I'm Uzumaki Naruto, dattebayo!" The child introduced and gave him a victory pose with large grin. 

Maybe not all of the Uzumaki has red hair? 

The White Fang stared at Naruto's hair for a minute but accepted his claims when he didn't look like he was lying. 

"Hatake Sakumo," he introduced back and noticed that the child was surprised.

He expected that the child will recognize him by his surname and ask him about the 'cool things'— or as they normally dubbed it— he did but he wasn't expecting what came out of the blond Uzumaki's child. 

"Do you have a house?" He asked as if concerned with his living space.

What...? 

"... Of course," he answered after a minute. 

The child sighed as if relieved with his answer, "that's good." 

Moments passed and Naruto kept staring oddly at him, grin wide spread and eyes twinkling— as if he's waiting for something.

"Where are your parents?" Sakumo asked, "do they know you're wandering alone?" 

"They're long dead, dattebayo." Naruto bluntly said as Sakumo winced. He did not expect that. 

Silence... 

Silence stretched. 

Crickets can now be heard. 

Dark grey eyes and crystal blue eyes were now having a staring contest. 

The blue eyes won. 

Silence... 

"Do you want to come with?" Sakumo asked when he didn't know what to say because he was out of his depth.

Normally, he was good with children, having a son himself, but with this strange child, he didn't know what to do. 

"I thought you'll never ask, 'ttebayo!" Naruto exclaimed and immediately held his right hand— his left hand was still holding the food he bought— and waved a hand at the road as if suggesting for him to lead the way.

'This is odd,' Sakumo thought, 'I've never had a child treat me this way before.'

"I thought this was abandoned!" Naruto exclaimed with shock.

Sakumo smiled sadly, "my son and I were the only one left in the clan."

"Oh," he heard Naruto said before he followed him inside the Hatake Compound.

Sakumo remembered how this compound used to bustle with life. But with how the war went, the Hatake were specialized in tracking so they were often sent out to infiltration. And as the First and Second Shinobi War went, their clan greatly diminished in number until he and Kakashi were the only members left of the Hatake Clan.

"Did the eggplants came with a freebie of a blond kid?"

Both he and Naruto looked up to the door when it opened and Kakashi was standing in front of them. 

The White Fang smiled at his son but before he got to speak, Naruto beamed and straight up hugged Kakashi. 

"Wow! You're tiny! And you already have your mask!" The blond child gushed at Sakumo's son who's looking spooked at the close contact. Naruto broke the hug to comb his hand at Kakashi's hair, "and your hair still defies gravity! That's good! Atleast that's still unchanged!"

Kakashi and Sakumo stared, bewildered at what just happened. Naruto was still beaming at his son and the latter rubbed his eyes, seemingly blinded by the Uzumaki's smile.

"Did that just happened?" Kakashi asked to no one in particular, clearly, he's out of his league with this one— just like how Sakumo felt earlier.

"Uhm," Sakumo said, trying to fix what will probably result to his son insulting this bubbly child, "Kakashi this is Uzumaki Naruto. Naruto this is my son."

"Nice to meet you!" (Wasn't it too late to say that? He already hugged his son like he was his long lost friend or something.) "I'm Uzumaki Naruto, dattebayo!"

"I know, I heard what Dad said," Kakashi replied with irritation and there's still bewilderment in it. He took a step back to get back his personal space and looked up to Sakumo, "next time, you'll go to the market, I'll go with. I'll swat the pests away, you buy the eggplants."

"Why do you need to swat the pests away? There are no pests in the market," Naruto said, quite confused at Kakashi's words.

"He's a guest Kakashi," Sakumo told his son and ushered Naruto to come inside the house, "we don't call our guests pests."

Kakashi stared at him with challenging eyes, daring Sakumo to contradict what he believed was right. 

(Kakashi was right but he wouldn't use the word pests... Stalker may be less harsh.)

"— and he's really good at cooking! But sometimes he forgets to eat because he just stares at me while I'm eating, so I'll tell him that what he cooked was yummy and he should also eat and so he will, 'ttebayo!" Naruto almost cheered and raised his hands in an excited way.

Sakumo eyed Kakashi's reaction and winced. Oh no.

"That's good," Kakashi said flippantly, "but why do you feel the need to tell me this? How will this benefit me in the future per se?"

Naruto laughed and leaned closer to Kakashi. Sakumo watched as Kakashi tried to back away but Naruto caught him in a hug while the blond laughed.

"You're funny, tiny sensei!"

Sakumo sighed. 

Were five years old supposed to be this strange? Kakashi's almost six and Sakumo was used to his son's attitude (blunt and frank) and almost everyone he knew told him that geniuses have their quirks. Was Naruto also a genius like Kakashi?

He must have...

His words were very articulate unlike other five-year-olds Sakumo knew.

But he was just so... Blinding.

Kakashi and Sakumo had to rub their eyes for three times for the past four hours that Naruto have spent on their household.

Kakashi's left eye twitch when Naruto called him 'tiny sensei' again. He has been calling Kakashi that and he refused to call his son by his first name because Naruto reasoned out that if he do that, it would be disrespectful— whatever he meant by that. Kakashi has been trying to dissuade Naruto in calling him with a nickname but the blond was an unmovable boulder. Sakumo has never met a child that has never cried by Kakashi's glares and bluntness before.

Also, Naruto has been regaling the father and son with stories of the Sannin, Orochimaru to be precise. Sakumo faulted the child's wild imaginations to some of his stories because some of them were really unbelievable like the Snake Sannin taking a liking to miso ramen or how he lets Naruto snuggle with him every night.

Sakumo really couldn't imagine this child with the Snake Sannin. He has been with the shinobi force for years but he never had an interaction with the Sannin before. But from what he had observed, Orochimaru-san was quite aloof and just like Kakashi, he never let someone near him. Of course, he didn't believe in any of the rumors that circulated with the citizens of the village, they're too farfetched and biased, but he really just couldn't imagine the Sannin with this child. He was an intelligent and a busy man that Sakumo could not visualize having an interaction with this whiskered, blond and far too energized kid. 

Maybe Orochimaru-san was also stalked by this kid and he has been idolizing the Sannin for far too long to have those vivid imaginations? 

Naruto's a strange child. 

"— and he lets me sleep at his bed even though I have my own room, 'ttebayo!" 

Ah, back to the tales of Orochimaru-san again. 

"You're staying with him?" Sakumo asked, kindly humoring the child's claims. 

"Yup, dattebayo! I've been with him for three days!" Naruto nodded and Kakashi escaped from the hug but the blond caught him in another one, "I like hugging you, don't move, tiny sensei!" 

"You're a knucklehead!" Kakashi finally snapped, his patience finally draining. Sakumo noted how long it took his patience meter to snap and was proud at his son's perseverance. 

Sakumo stood up from his seat to repair the damage Kakashi did to Naruto but again, the child surpasses his imagination.

"Really?" Naruto asked, "does that mean I'm now your friend?"

Huh?

How did this conversation... 

Sakumo sighed. Naruto was a good kid. He really was.

He's just so unpredictable. 

"Why would you want to be my friend?" Kakashi glared and extracted himself from Naruto's iron grip hugs. (Sakumo experienced it first hand.)

"Because you're loyal?" Naruto asked like it was the most factual thing he knew.

Sakumo and Kakashi stared at the Uzumaki child like he grew a second pair of head. Thankfully, they were saved from Kakashi's snapping by a knock from the door. Sakumo stood up.

"I'll get that," he told the two. Naruto nodded at him and Kakashi was still staring weirdly at the unpredictable child.

Sakumo went to the entrance hall and slid the door open. What greeted him was a person he wasn't expecting would step foot in the Hatake Compound and was the topic of the household's and their guest's earlier conversation.

"Hatake-san, good evening," the Snake Sannin greeted with a cool expression.

(It's evening already?!)

"Orochimaru-san," Sakumo said, gathering himself from his shock, "what can I do for you?"

"I was looking for—" he was cut off by an excited yell.

"How did you find me?!" Naruto asked, dashing behind Sakumo and jumping at Orochimaru's side to glance up at him and bounced up and down next to him. 

Orochimaru gave the blond a small smile and patted his head. 

(This was a really surprising turn of events.)

"You told me you'll be here," Orochimaru told the leech clinging at him.

"I did?" Naruto asked.

"He did?" Sakumo asked.

Orochimaru raised an eyebrow at the both of them. He took a step back and slightly bowed his head towards Sakumo. 

"Thank you for taking care of him, Hatake-san," the Sannin said in a pleasant tone, "we shall be going now."

"Bye, Sakumo-shiro! Say bye to tiny sensei to me!"

Sakumo nodded dumbly and watched Orochimaru stepped out of the compound's lands while the blond Uzumaki was at his side. He passively closed the door, replying what in the name of Kami was that.

Wait—

Did Naruto just called him Sakumo-white?

What kind of nickname was that?!

Sakumo was so out of his league with that child. 

And looking at Kakashi who was looking at an empty space when he entered the living room and was now drinking his tea through his mask, he was also in a shock. 

Chapter Text

"And where are you off to?" Orochimaru asked as he saw the Uzumaki running around and tying a dark purple scarf on his neck over his orange jacket.

It became one of Naruto's favorite clothes when Orochimaru bought it on a whim, thinking that it would suit the little fox, clearly, he didn't think that purple would clash with orange but somehow, the Uzumaki managed to carry it well. 

"Can I please join Kakashi with his sensei?" Naruto asked, staring at Orochimaru with his big blue eyes.

Something in his eyes made Orochimaru sighed and agree, "be back before dinner, don't get hurt and if his sensei doesn't treat you well, tell him that I'll deal with him personally."

Orochimaru thought back to how Jiraiya bragged about his student getting a student for his own. He wasn't actually listening at that time but he caught the snippets of Jiraiya telling him how that bumbling student of his would teach the Hatake genius. That child whom his kid was fond of and repeatedly told him had became his friend over their first meeting which Orochimaru was surprised of— he didn't know that it was possible to be friends with someone that fast. 

"Uhn!" Naruto nodded, "see you later, dattebayo!"

But before he ran out of the door, he threw himself at Orochimaru and squeezed him in a hug. The Sannin didn't have the time to react because the blond extracted himself from Orochimaru and was already gone. 

He stared at the place where the child occupied and placed a hand at his chest.

He still needs to ask someone, preferably Tsunade, on what he was feeling. He wasn't certain if he's sick or he caught a virus when he was at Kumo but this phenomenon only happened wherever the blond smiled at him or do something unexpected such as hugging him or just staring at him with those wonderful eyes.

Was this condition terminal?

Naruto has been staying with him for the past four days and he had learned so many things about the blond and also about ramen. Orochimaru didn't know that there were a variety of ramen flavors and Naruto introduced it to him one by one, he spilled facts about ramen as if he did a research and published a paper on it. The Sannin also learned that the little fox liked gardening in that one time that he helped Orochimaru when he was tending the garden. He clearly enjoyed Orochimaru's cooking, that's why the Sannin had to make a mental note about not getting lost on his studies to cook a meal on time and feed the small child.

He liked many things and disliked the cold more than anything. Orochimaru didn't understand why the child hated it but he didn't ask, thinking that it was something personal or will make him remember bad memories aligned with the cold. 

For a child his age who lost his home and the old man that took care of him, he hadn't seen the little fox cry aside from that time when they were traveling to Konoha. But he had seen the faraway look that sometimes Naruto possessed and the sad smile that didn't quite reached his blue eyes. A look that did not belong to a five-year-old child.

Orochimaru wanted to keep the child for himself.

He wanted to know everything that concerns the child. He almost wished that Uzumaki Kushina would not come back so Naruto could stay with him forever. But he knew what a wishful thinking it was. And that part of his brain, told him that the child didn't belong to him. That the blond would be more happy to be with his family.

The Sannin didn't have the right to claim him. 

He didn't have.

Even though there's a part of him that screamed when he thought that the little fox wouldn't be staying with him for much longer, Orochimaru could not help the inevitable fall out that would result when that happened. 

Because as much as he didn't understand what was happening, he knew loneliness more than anyone. (And he didn't want to be alone again at his house when he knew the experience of having someone living with him.) 

"Tch."

He gave the scroll he was reading his utmost attention because there's no use thinking about that now, the child was still with him, and he'd savor that time until... He would be off to someone that has rightful claims over him. 

(He certainly didn't remember his slip up when in his mind, he called Naruto as his child.) 

"Why are you even here?" Kakashi-sensei— tiny Kakashi-sensei greeted when he saw Naruto running towards him.

"Sakumo-shiro told me that you'll meet with your sensei today and I can come with, 'ttebayo!" He babbled as he sat next to the empty space Kakashi was sitting at. Naruto adjusted his scarf— that made him feel funny when Orochimaru gave it to him and he decided that he should always wear it— and gave a wolfish grin to Tiny Sensei. 

"When did he told you?"

"When I was at your house yesterday," he shrugged his shoulders.

"He didn't say anything about you being welcome to join in!" Kakashi hissed, two visible eyes glaring at him. "If he did, I would remember it and I would object because I don't want you here. You're annoying and bothersome."

Naruto looked up, surprise visible at his expression. Kakashi smirked behind his mask, thinking that he finally got to that thick head of his that he didn't want to see or be near the blond.

"Did you just spoke to me for three whole sentences?!" Naruto exclaimed and held three fingers, "that's the longest you've ever said something to me, dattebayo! That's an improvement!"

Kakashi groaned, defeated.

Naruto was still celebrating that tiny Kakashi-sensei was finally opening up to him.

He was really surprised when he met Kakashi-sensei's tiny version. He looked very much like what he imagine his sensei's child version would be but his attitude really surprised him. Gone was the laid back and easy going attitude of his sensei and it was replaced by this bristling like a cat and serious six years old. Even back at Naruto's original childhood, this was his first time meeting a Kakashi who's so serious that Naruto was afraid he would spout shinobi guidelines while making Naruto memorize each and every one of them. 

So, Naruto made it his mission to befriend this bristling like a cat tiny sensei and turn him back into the lazy, eye-smiling Kakashi-sensei he knew. And if he won't turn back... Naruto would try and try again to make him loosen up.

Besides, he remembered what Kakashi once told him before. 

("Maa... We could've been brothers," Kakashi-sensei said as he leaned in the open window of his office.

Naruto's brows furrowed, "what do you mean, dattebayo?"

"Minato-sensei practically adopted me when my father died. Kushina-nee-san told me when she was carrying you that I could be your big brother. But things happened... And I was not at the brightest places when they died... I should have been there for you, Naruto. I shouldn't have wallowed in my guilt when you needed me the most... I'm sorry.")

'Naruto.'

'Hm?'

'Someone's coming,' Kurama said in an irritated voice. Who could've irritate him that much...? 

Naruto caught a glimpse of a flash of yellow in the side of his eyes as a person flickered in front of Kakashi and him.

"Kakashi, you're early."

Standing in front of Naruto, Namikaze Minato beamed a wide smile at Kakashi. The Yondaime Hokage (to be) was wearing a Jounin flak jacket and a Konoha hitai-ate. The one thing that caught Naruto's attention the most was his sky blue eyes. Its sclera wasn't black from Edo Tensei— a reminder to Naruto that standing in front of him was his Tou-chan. Alive and breathing.

His Tou-chan was alive—

"And who's this with you?" Minato asked and glanced at Naruto.

— and he didn't know Naruto.

Unbidden tears sprang forth and he felt himself started hiccuping. 

Both Hatake and Namikaze was now sporting a wide eye, looking at him with shock and not knowing what to do. 

"W-was something wrong?" Minato asked, frozen on his position.

Naruto shook his head and gathered chakra at his feet. Even if his chakra control sucks at this age, desperation to be out of this position made him vanish in a shunshin.

(He really need to control his chakra.)

Minato remained staring at the empty spot of the blond kid.

Did he just... Vanished in a shunshin?!

(A five-year-old kid?!) 

He looked at Kakashi and he was surprised when his student stared at him with pity.

"Have I said something wrong?" 

"You're dead," Kakashi said in a monotonous voice.

Wha...?

"Kakashi?" Minato asked completely shocked at the threat his student threw at him.

"You made him cry," Kakashi said in an explanation, "he lives with Orochimaru-sama."

"He what?" He asked, confused why that kid was living with the Sannin when he remembered how his sensei liked to whine about Orochimaru-sama being a loner.

"Dad said that if something happened to that idiot sunshine, Orochimaru-sama won't hesitate to commit genocide. You're dead, sensei," Kakashi helpfully added. 

Minato remembered how he once saw the Snake Sannin execute someone at the battle field and felt his name being written at the memorial stone.

'Here lies Namikaze Minato, beheaded, gutted and burned.'

He's doomed. 

Chapter Text

Uchiha Fugaku was having a bad day. 

It started when he woke up with a pounding headache from overusing his Sharingan at the mission he just finished. He went to the hospital to get his monthly physical evaluation— and because the Hokage told him to get some medication for his headache— when out of everyone that will test him, it was an old Senju, one of Tsunade-sama's close relatives.

The Senju berated him for overusing his eyes and he had no choice but to listen to the crazy man when he just saw him almost pounding a man for not listening to him. Clearly, the Senju all had a temper and Fugaku was slightly thankful that it wasn't the Slug Princess that was evaluating him because he wasn't sure if he would get out of the hospital with more injuries than what was necessary. Since the Senju Princess left the village, patients in the hospital actually lessened because almost fifty percent of it was because of the medic nin herself. 

The Senju dismissed him after the evaluation was done and gave him medications and lollipops for being a good boy— treating him like he's a damn three-year-old.

He went to the Police station and his father gave him an immediate case that he must finish within two hours. Of course, he finished it in time, but not before being drenched to death by an elder civilian lady who wouldn't believe that he's not stalking her granddaughter but he's just there because a criminal was living at their apartment building. Fugaku almost burned the criminal to a crisp when he finally apprehended him but reminded himself that his father wouldn't like it if news got out that he fried someone because he couldn't control his ire.

His headache got worse as he got into the station and handed the crimimal he caught. A fight broke out between a civilian lady who filed her husband cheating on her. It was so noisy, it grated on Fugaku's head, and he watched with irritation as members of the Police force tried to stop the fight and the loud mouth of the lady.

Fugaku wouldn't tell anyone that he fled and escaped from the station because he was feeling sick and tired. He flopped on the park bench he saw and despite being the Uchiha Clan heir, he covered his eyes with his arms and went to sleep. If that stiff Hiashi saw him now, Fugaku would die of embarrassment. 

Here he was, the Wicked Eye, Uchiha Fugaku, drenched and defeated by a civilian old lady and a headache and sleeping at an empty park bench.

'That was illogical,' Kurama commented after Naruto landed and appeared in a park.

'I know! I was just so happy to see him alive but when I realized that of course he didn't know me, I don't know why I cried, 'ttebayo!' Naruto explained and wiped the tears from his cheeks.

He still couldn't stop crying and he could not even think of the fact that he just did a shunshin and now he's feeling so tired. He tried channeling his chakra before at Orochimaru's house, when he was sure that he's alone and no one would thought of how weird it was to have a five-year-old trying to channel chakra and he was so bad at it.

(Kurama told him to be patient about it because his body's still adjusting because his chakra in his seventeen-year-old body was transfered from this chibi version.)

(He even told him to be thankful that Kurama's helping him keep the chakra calm in his body or so help him— he would suddenly explode because of his large chakra reserves.)

'Maybe you're experiencing urges that children have,' Kurama said.

'What do you mean, dattebayo?'

'Well, based on my observation when you were a child, you have a hard time suppressing your emotions at the time.'

'You mean I was a crybaby?'

'Kind of. You always yelled at the children who won't let you play ninja with them and at the vendors who accused you of stealing— which was an understandable response. And now that you are in a child's body, it's not just your chakra that would have to adjust, but also your ability to harness an intense emotion. You were happy when you saw Minato and it's understandable, from a human's point of view, to feel heartbroken when a precious loved ones don't recognized them... Are you seeing my point?'

'Kurama, you're so good at this, dattebayo! When did you learned all this stuff?' Naruto mentally snickered. 

'Someone has to do the thinking for the both of us,' Kurama grumbled then he snapped. 'Idiot! Think of what I said!' 

Naruto wiped his cheeks for the last time and tried to understand the Kyuubi's word. His eyes watered again when he finally made sense of what Kurama has been trying to explain to him.

'You mean my mind will also turned to a five-year-old?' He whined and kept rubbing at his cheeks because he would not stop crying.

(Stupid baby body.)

'Idiot, you're mind still belongs to a seventeen-year-old but you technically didn't have the right understanding for a seventeen-year-old in the first place. What I meant was... You will have urges, kit. Urges that children have that you may or may not act on.'

Naruto felt that Kurama insulted him but he didn't know why that is, so he would ignore it. He calmed down and hit his fist in his palm, 'why didn't you started with that, dattebayo? You made it hard to understand!'

Naruto absent-mindedly sat on a park bench while still talking to Kurama and yelped when a hand reached out to his shoulders. He stared with wide eyes at the pale man with black eyes who's looking intently at him. Naruto was creeped out at the way the man's eyes were red rimmed and how he was now glaring at Naruto like he just stole noodles off of his ramen— which Naruto would never do to someone! (That's an unforgivable crime!) 

Without thinking about it, Naruto tried to let his shoulders go and yelled, "help me! Child molester! Help! HELP ME!"

'See?' Kurama asked in an amused voice, 'urges.'

Fugaku didn't know how he got in this situation.

He really didn't.

He was pretty sure that he had atleast half an hour nap at the park bench but he quickly woke up when he heard sniffling and he expected an enemy attack. He immediately stood up and grabbed the owner of the offending noise and he was greeted by a blond kid who looked up at him with a stupefied expression.

He looked like a puppy who got caught stealing his owner's shoe and Fugaku swore that he did not just thought of that! His mind was clearly sleep-muddled and he desperately needed some sleep.

Why hadn't he decided to come home and sleep in his room and not at this park bench?

While he was lost in his thoughts, the child screamed, "help me! Child molester! Help! HELP ME!"

He immediately unhanded the child when his mind registered what he just did. 

Did the child just called him a child molester?!

"I am not a molester," Fugaku huffed in an offended voice and leveled a stare at the child.

The blond child scooted away from him and  hugged his arms close to his body, "oh, yeah?! That's exactly what molesters would say!"

Fugaku glared at the child as the child glared at him back. 

And because of how truly lost he was at what was happening, he had not expected an ANBU suddenly materializing in front of them and manhandling Fugaku and before he got the time to react, he was already standing in front of the Hokage.

This is a very bad day. 

"You mean he's not a molester?" The child asked, eying Fugaku with distrust. "Are you sure? Because he looks like one."

"We do not throw insults at someone we do not know," the Snake Sannin lightly said from his seat next to the blond child. 

The blond kid looked up at the Sannin and nodded, "okay, I'll throw insult at people I know."

Fugaku watched from his seat as the Snake Sannin patted the boy's hair— as if satisfied that he understood what he was trying to imply— and as the Sandaime Hokage watched the scene in front of him with an amused expression.

It was a surprising turn of events when Fugaku was suddenly transfered at the Hokage's office and the blond child immediately jumped at the Hokage and crawled in his lap. He watched with befuddlement as the blond kid tattled at the Hokage how he was almost molested by this 'grumpy man grumpier than a fox' and of course he tried defending himself— with elegance deserving of a clan heir— that he was just surprised by the blond kid and thought of him as an enemy.

The Hokage understood his explanations and told the kid on his lap— who was surprisingly and unsurprisingly an Uzumaki, with the Uzumaki, he shouldn't be surprised by their ability to get Fugaku into trouble— that he wasn't a child molester.

Minato and his genius student was also there because they reported to the Hokage that the Uzumaki suddenly vanished using a shunshin (an A-rank technique that was somehow used by a five-year-old kid, was he a genius?) and Minato wanted to immediately find the kid because he didn't want to die.

(Fugaku thought that if he really wanted to find the child, Minato should've tracked him. He's a known genius but most of the times, he's an idiot.) 

When Fugaku wondered what Minato meant, the Snake Sannin entered the office and he went to get the kid on the Hokage's lap and placed him next to his seat. Fugaku was watching how the Sannin calmly asked the Uzumaki what happened and the latter told him word by word what he exactly told the Hokage.

When the two were busy, Fugaku asked what's the relationship with the Sannin and the blond Uzumaki and he saw at the corner of his eye how Minato sweat dropped when the Sandaime replied that he was Orochimaru-sama's ward. 

And now that it was all cleared up, Fugaku was wondering why this blond Uzumaki was now insulting him and how the Snake Sannin was not letting him insult people he didn't know.

His attention got back to the present when he felt the heavy gaze of the Sannin. 

"I apologized for the trouble, Uchiha-san, I'm sure my ward didn't mean to disrupt your afternoon," the Sannin said in a pleasant voice.

"Uchiha?" Fugaku heard the boy whispered to himself and looked at Fugaku with some kind of an understanding in his eyes, "that means you're not a molester because you're an Uchiha. I'm sorry, dattebayo!" 

He didn't know what that meant and he wasn't willing to know what it meant and he would not talk to the child if he had the choice, so he just nodded politely. The child grinned at him, all unfriendliness and disbelief gone in that moment. 

The Uzumaki was a deep sea trouble and Fugaku would never willingly drown in that but of course, Minato would— he's Minato after all.

"Why did you cry earlier?" Minato asked and all the attention of the room was turned into him. He fidgeted and scratched the back of his neck with discomfort when Fugaku saw the Sannin was giving him a cold stare. "I mean... You cried when you saw me... Why was that?"

The Sannin must have been having an enjoyable time tormenting the Namikaze because he continued the cold staring for seconds too long before he gave his ward his attention. 

"What did he mean?" Orochimaru-sama asked when his ward didn't answer Minato's question. "You cried, why?" 

"He looked like someone I knew," the blond Uzumaki mumbled.

"Who?" Minato asked, poor, poor dense man.

"He's already dead, it doesn't matter anymore," the Uzumaki bluntly said and his cheerful energy was replaced by sullenness. 

This was the worst day ever, but atleast, Fugaku was enjoying watching Minato trying to ignore the three pair of glares he received from his student, the Sandaime Hokage and the one of the Legendary Sannin.

"Namikaze," the Sannin called.

"... Yes?" Minato asked with hesitation as he fidgeted in his place. 

"Do you know what's the use of the parietal lobe in the brain?" Orochimaru-sama calmly asked but Fugaku could feel the threat in it. 

"... Yes." 

"Good. Then, I won't have to introduce you to it." 

(Fugaku would not be surprised if news came out that the Namikaze died in an unexplainable cause.)

Chapter Text

Naruto stood up from his bed and tightened the yukata that Orochimaru lent him when he first arrived in his house and got out of his room, when he didn't feel like sleeping. He walked silently on the empty hallways of the house and perked up when he saw the sliding door leading to the engawa. He went outside and sat at the wooden floor, a chill ran through his spine when the cold wind blew and the maple trees swayed alongside it.

'Kurama? Are you still awake?' He asked delicately, trying not to rouse the Kyuubi up if he really was sleeping.

'What is it?' Kurama mumbled and Naruto heard him yawn at his mind.

'Nothing, just checking on you, dattebayo.'

Naruto felt Kurama was unimpressed with his answer so he grimaced. 

'You're thinking about home?'

Suddenly, when he thought of home, it wasn't the lonely apartment he was living at the Konoha of the future, but what his mind made was a picture of Orochimaru silently humming and Naruto was swaying his feet, watching the solemn expression of the Sannin as he cooked a meal for the two of them. 

His forehead furrowed but before he got to think what that mental image meant, Kurama interrupted his thoughts. 

'Or are you still thinking about your parents?' Kurama guessed.

"Yeah," Naruto said outloud and stared at the maple trees, "I mean, it's weird seeing Tou-chan alive but not recognizing me. I understand it but it's still..."

'Time travel's a bitch,' Kurama summarized and Naruto laughed out loud at how the Kyuubi sounded. 'You have to get used to it, kit, you'll see a lot of people who won't recognize you. Be thankful that you didn't time travel to your twelve-year-old self because that'll be a total bitch.'

'What's got you talking like that, dattebayo?' Naruto chuckled but sobered immediately, 'yeah... That'll be just sad. I mean, imagine me going after Sasuke-teme again when I have just made him decide that Konoha will always be his home.'

Kurama remembered those years and he wasn't amused at the example Naruto said. Angsty and surly Uchiha would always be a pain to remember.

'But it'll all be better, dattebayo! I will make sure that Sasuke-teme won't even think of abandoning Konoha! We'll make it all better!' Naruto cheered.

He smiled at himself when he imagined seeing them again for the future. Oooh! Maybe if this is all over, he'd be Team Seven's sensei! That would be so cool!

'About that.'

'About what?'

'Your plan to save every Kami damned humans there are,' Kurama sarcastically threw, 'what's your plan about it?'

'I haven't thought about that,' Naruto realized and smacked his forehead.

'Of course, you haven't. You're an idiot,' the Kyuubi stated as if it was a fact. 

Naruto took offense but didn't protest. He tried thinking and when he came up with a plan, he became giddy.

'Should we start hunting Zetsu, then?' He suggested. 'I'm sure that we can track him and stop his plans before it comes into fruition, dattebayo!'

'Fruition? Since when have you used the word fruition and knew the meaning of it?' The Kyuubi insulted him and rolled his eyes, 'if that was so simple, kit, I would already do that for you. But what about Madara? What are you planning to do to him?'

'Talk to him?' The blond Jinchuriki asked in a confused tone.

'He's beyond talking at this point, kit. As you humans like to put it, he's batshit crazy and I believe he's already senile. Even if you have some kind of a weird talent in talking your enemy until they changed, I don't think you can do that to Madara. You can't salvage him.'

'Why not, 'ttebayo?'

'You idiot. He's almost a hundred years old, he lived in a cage and Kami knows if he still saw the sun, he has an aloevera plant for a company, he's planning day in and day out how he can enslave humanity and bring utopia to the Five Great Nations. And the face of the man he once called his greatest friend glued to his abdomen. Now, think, Naruto. Please use your brain and tell me if you can save that person.'

Naruto again grimaced after a minute of thinking.

(His brain hurt.)

He remembered Edo Tensei Madara yelling at the battlefield how he will complete his plan and nothing will ever stop him in finally creating peace for the Five Great Nations. Sakura told him one day how ironic it was that Madara accomplished some part of his goal. He did brought peace over the Five Nations but he failed at casting the Ultimate Genjutsu at them. She told Naruto that even though Madara's plans and actions brought them pain, it did cemented the peace that four generations of war tried to acquire for the shinobi nations. Sakura-chan literally applauded Madara for his plan then threw thousand curses for the dead Uchiha because of lives wasted. Naruto was so afraid for his sake of that time, thinking that maybe Sakura-chan really lost it, because he didn't approached Sakura-chan for the length of a week. 

(Just the thought of Sakura-chan and Madara tag-teaming was enough for Naruto to seek Sasuke-teme and join him for a while on his redemption trip.) 

He shook his head of those thoughts because he still needed to answer Kurama. 

He slowly asked, 'can't we atleast give him a proper funeral, 'ttebayo?'

The Kyuubi grunted and Naruto wasn't sure if thay was a 'no' or a 'yes' but the Kyuubi didn't react by roaring at him or throwing death threats, so he left it at that. They would talk about it next time when it came to it.

It came as a big surprise to him when he found out that the Uchiha Clan were still alive. He forgot about the Massacre at some point and was truly shocked when he met Uchiha Fugaku and he accused him of child molestation. Of course when he found out that he was an Uchiha, he immediately erased his suspicion. The clan may have the tendency to want world domination and have a certain type of craziness, but he knew that they wouldn't stoop so low as to molest someone. Based on his relationship with some of the members he met, they're snooty entitled teme and that act would be so below them. 

(The only Uchiha he knew that wasn't a snooty entitled teme was Itachi. The man wasn't a full blown teme but he sure do know how to apply creepiness when he forced a crow through Naruto's throat like it's some kind of a greeting for the person he met for the second time!) 

'What about Danzo?'

"Shit," Naruto cursed loudly and snapped his head back to look at the door if Orochimaru was there. He glanced back at the swaying trees when he was sure that no one caught him cursing but his body was still tight as a bow.

'If my recollection of the timeline was correct, it was in this time that Danzo started his plans for the Uchiha. He already lost his eye at this point,' Kurama explained.

Naruto fought back the bile rising in his throat when he remembered reading reports about Danzo's experimentation of the Uchiha. Sasuke-teme was so wrathful at that time that all Team 7 gave the Uchiha a wide berth, afraid that if they did somethinc wrong, they would set the Uchiha off and he'd decide to fuck it and burn the village with his Susanoo.

'Do you think Orochimaru was already...' Naruto hesitantly said, suddenly afraid to know the answer.

'No, I don't feel evil reeking on him, kit, he's not there yet,' Kurama denied his suspicion. 

Naruto took a deep breath and tried to calm himself.

Sasuke told them that Orochimaru wasn't part of the Kekai Genkai harvesting of the Uchiha. Because when Sasuke-teme asked his former sensei if he was aware of what happened to their clan, the Snake Sannin was clearly surprised and the last Uchiha was using his Sharingan at that time so he knew that the Sannin wasn't lying to him.

Sasuke-teme spent some time with his former sensei talking about things and that's where Orochimaru told him that his insanity stemmed with Danzo making him experiment at children. The Sannin told his former student how geniuses always have a slight flaw in them.

Senju Tobirama had his hidden obsession with life and death that he made a technique that can ressurect someone, a very dangerous technique he developed that made the Shodaime Hokage sealed it to never be used and a technique that made forgotten grief rose again as people saw their dead loved ones at the Fourth Shinobi War.

Hatake Kakashi had his tendency to blame himself for the shit the world threw at him. When Naruto found out the scope of Kakashi-sensei's guilt, he was no medic nin that specializes in the field of the human mind but he knew that wasn't healthy. Kakashi-sensei told him some of his ANBU missions when he felt that he really can't shoulder his feelings anymore, Naruto was horrified to find out that he was so suicidal at that point in life and he never really got to let go of that part of him. He was obsessed with suicidal missions that Hokage-jiji had to cut him off of ANBU and give him a Genin team to somehow help him prevent ending his life. 

Uchiha Itachi had loved his brother that bordered on obsession that he chose to kill all of his clan members just so he could protect him and the village itself, the Nidaime wasn't wrong when he said that an Uchiha's love can make them do anything.

And Orochimaru had his questionable morality. He experimented on children and he was obsessed with immortality. 

(The only genius— should he call them prodigy?— he knew that was slightly normal was Namikaze Minato, his Tou-chan. But maybe that's because he didn't really got to know his father and he had never read anything that mentioned something bad about him. All he knew when he was a kid was that he was a hero and Naruto idolized him for it. He did meet him two times at his original timeline and found out that he was okay, he wasn't obsessed, suicidal, creepy or has a questionable morality. But based on his observation when he met his Tou-chan at the Hokage's office, he was kind of an idiot.) 

So, when Danzo asked Orochimaru to do some work for him, and he unthinkingly accepted it, he lost all the morality he had and slowly made a descent on insanity. 

Because at that time, Orochimaru had no one to stop him. Jiraiya left the village again to completely become the village spy and Tsunade also followed, the two never once looking back at their teammate. He didn't have someone to guide his almost absent morality and tell him that what he was doing was wrong and unethical. 

Orochimaru knew loneliness as to how Kakashi, Sasuke and Naruto would define it. 

Naruto took a deep breath, his shoulders sagging at what he's thinking. 

After spending a week at Orochimaru, he learned a lot about the Sannin. Unlike the one he knew at the future, Naruto observed that the Sannin was very compassionate. He didn't know it or notice it for himself, but Naruto did.

Because what would explain Orochimaru suddenly deciding to let him stay with him? Cook food for him? Buy clothes for him? Let him sleep at his bed when Naruto was having a nightmare? Explaining things that Naruto didn't understand? Patting Naruto's head and making him feel so comfortable? 

What could explain why the Sannin was doing that when Orochimaru wasn't even sometimes aware of the things he did for Naruto?

Orochimaru wasn't bad.

(Not yet.) 

(And he wouldn't be if Naruto has a say to it.) 

He was actually a good person but no one knows it because they were busy giving him those cold stare! 

Another cold wind blew and Naruto couldn't fight off an involuntary shiver.

A warm cloth was wrapped at his neck and he suddenly found himself staring at the Sannin who was looking at the moon.

"The moon's beautiful tonight," Orochimaru said, "don't you think so?" 

Naruto craned his neck to eye the moon. It was a full moon and Naruto realized that's the reason why it wasn't so dark here at the engawa. The moon was giving light at the maple tree and at the koi pond of the backyard that made the scene in front of Naruto almost like a surreal painting.

"It is," Naruto agreed. 

"What are you doing here?" Orochimaru asked, voice laced with concern, "aren't you cold?" 

Naruto touched the purple scarf at his neck, "not anymore." 

The Sannin caught the action and he gave Naruto one of his warm smile he always wore when he was pleasantly surprised at something the blond Jinchuriki did. He stretched his hand and Naruto instantly moved his head to meet the Sannin's hand. The Snake Sannin comb his hair through Naruto's hair and he felt his eyelids got heavy. 

"Should we go back to sleep now?" 

"Uhn, dattebayo!" Naruto answered and yawned. 

The Sannin stopped petting Naruto's head and waited for Naruto to stand up so they both could get inside. Remembering what Kurama said about childish urges, Naruto raised his arms and stared at the Sannin's golden eyes. Without hesitation, Orochimaru scooped him up in his arms and he placed him at his chest.

Naruto found the Sannin warm, so he snuggled deeper at the older man's body. 

Sasuke-teme told him that he threw his love so easily at people undeserving of it. But Naruto retorted that he wasn't doing that even if he saw Kakashi-sensei and Sakura-chan nodding at the background, completely agreeing at Sasuke-teme's observation. 

Maybe he threw it around so easily.

Maybe Naruto loved people easily but he didn't believe that he gave his love to the people who didn't deserve it. 

He always gave his love so easily to the people who greatly deserved it. 

He gave it to Hokage-jiji when he spared his time to meet up with Naruto, to Teuchi-san and Ayame-san who served him a hot dish on a cold and lonely day, to Iruka-sensei who once saw him as a demon but accepted and recognized that he wasn't, to Kakashi-sensei who never lost his patience at Naruto, to Sakura-chan who finally saw him and always prioritized his health, to Sasuke-teme who shared the same loneliness as him and has now heard Naruto after years of trying to reach to him, to Ero-sennin who at his short time, taught thousands of lessons to Naruto that he'll always treasure and to Tsunade-baachan who always believed that he could fulfill his dreams. 

Those are the people he truly valued and gave his love so easily. But now that he's in the past, someone made it at his list and he believed that the person who he now loved, deserved it. 

Because who wouldn't love a person that showed him kindness even without knowing who he was or what he was? 

Who wouldn't love the person who invited him in his home and expected nothing from him?

Why wouldn't he love the person who made him feel completely accepted and loved in return?

Why wouldn't Naruto love Orochimaru when he was the person who he thought of at the word 'home?' 

Naruto knew that it wasn't the childish urges that made him broke into tears and burrowed his head at the Sannin's neck. He took a sniff of the Sannin's scent and his brain registered safe, warm and homehomehomehomehome.

Before entering the house, he caught a glimpse of the moon. 

It wasn't red. 

(All of this was real and he could never go back home.)

(Because this was his now.)

If he needed to kill Danzo just so he could keep this, for once, Naruto would selfishly do it for himself. 

Chapter Text

Contrary to popular belief, Orochimaru was a man of patience. Sarutobi-sensei once told him that he does not have Jiraiya's bullheadedness nor Tsunade's dislike of waiting, but he believed that Orochimaru possessed patience like it's the most deadliest weapon he can ever wield— that and his mind. Because Orochimaru ingrained to his mind when he was but a child that impatience makes a person think that they are not strong enough to endure the difficulties and challenges necessary to accomplish what they think should be accomplished.

He swore to be a strong shinobi, he swore that he would prove everyone wrong, and if he was to be an impatient man, then all his plans would turn into dust.

So, that's why he harnessed patience like a weapon. He carried patience just like a snake watching its prey and waiting for the right time to strike.

But even though he's a man of patience, his eyebrows knitted as he entered the Senju's main house and was welcomed by no one. He had been knocking and waiting for Tsunade to atleast open her doors to him for the past fifteen minutes when he finally decided to barged inside the Slug Princess' house.

Being the last remaining main family member of the Senju Clan, Tsunade lived alone at the main house of the compound. Despite being the Clan Head, Tsunade chose to live alone and acquire no helpers or assistants in her family to help her manage the house and the Clan itself. Tsunade learned how to do menial tasks such as cooking and doing the laundry when it's an unthinkable thing for a Clan Head to do for herself.

Orochimaru was troubled when he roamed the entirety of the huge traditional house and found no one. The place was barren, it's as if no one has been living there for the past week or so and a thin sheen of dusts blanket the furnitures. It was disconcerting. Even when she turned into a drunkard, she would always be the medic that always kept her place pristine clean. ("Orochimaru, why can't you keep your laboratory clean?! This place will give you the worst sort infection and respiratory diseases! Keep your damn laboratory clean! Or so help me, I will pummel you to the ground—")

Orochimaru vanished in a Shunshin and arrived in front of the Hokage, disregarding his hardwired manner for the sudden realization in his mind. 

"She left," the Snake Sannin stated, voice flat and not questioning— already sure of the answer. 

The Third Hokage took a deep sigh and turned down his pipe in his table, "she took Dan's niece with him." 

"For how long has she been gone?" 

"A day before you returned to your mission." 

"Have you sent someone after her?" Orochimaru asked. 

"Jiraiya already failed to convince her to come back," the Sandaime said and Orochimaru watched as how his sensei looked old at the thought of his student. 

Orochimaru felt sinking dread in his stomach as his mind started to unravel a puzzle he once discarded as unimportant. He knew in himself that this would happen, Jiraiya already did it and he was just waiting for Tsunade to also do the same. Jiraiya came back, yes, he did come back but he wasn't the same anymore. He did come back to the village but it was as if he didn't, he always took up mission that would last him a longer time out of the village, building his network and spending his time wandering outside the village. Because even though Jiraiya wanted to completely leave the village (for his three orphaned students? For his beliefs? Orochimaru wasn't sure what his reasons were) something was still anchoring him to come back to Konoha. (Was it his loyalty to Konohagakure? His dream of being the Hokage? Orochimaru also wasn't sure but he knew that Jiraiya still has his reasons for staying.) 

But in Tsunade's case, Orochimaru knew in himself that she won't come back, not when she took Dan's niece with her— the only reason she tried to prolong her stay at the village.

Orochimaru understood Tsunade... She wasn't used to the feeling of true loss. Unlike Orochimaru and Jiraiya who used to have nothing at all, she used to have everything. She had her family, she had her brother, she had her lover and she had her reason to stay and now that those factors were slowly plucked out of her hands, there's nothing to hold her back anymore... Not even her dedication as a medic nin because Orochimaru watched as Tsunade grown to fear the sight of blood, a condition no medic nin should have.

Orochimaru wanted to get her back. He deeply wanted to. But he believed that he knew nothing of what to say to her to make her change her mind not when he's unsure of his feelings.

Was he angry at what she did? Throwing her bonds with him and her teammates and thinking that it wasn't enough reason for her loyalty.

Was he disappointed? Disappointed that another teammate left him, not even trying to consider that they were the only people Orochimaru have?

Was he... Hurt?

Hurt, again?

It was confusing. 

Orochimaru wasn't good at feelings. That's why he always sought Jiraiya and Tsunade's counsel because they tried to explain to him what he cannot understand for himself. And now that—

"Orochimaru."

He was broken out of his musings when Sarutobi-sensei called out his name. He looked up to the Sandaime's face.

"Had it ever occurred to your mind to leave the village?"

"Never," he answered truthfully.

The Hokage stared at him, seeking something he doesn't know, "how come?"

Orochimaru stayed quiet, thinking of why he never wanted to leave the village. 

When he was a child, he promised that he would be a strong shinobi. He wanted everyone to acknowledge him. He wanted to prove all those cold eyes that he wasn't the monster they thought of him. Orochimaru was scorned for being different and he wanted to change that. So, he ignored all the looks he received, all the whispers he heard, all the thoughts that he knew was running through the villager's minds and silently promised himself that he will be someone they would acknowledge and never once did it passed through his mind to leave the village that despite his services to it and its people, still continued to treat him as something they can't accept. Because why should he leave when he still hasn't completed his childish promise to himself?

It's unthinkable. Orochimaru may be indifferent but he valued promises and breaking them was an unthinkable act.

His promise was his anchor to his village. 

A sudden thought of a sunshine-haired child entered his mind and he small smile formed in his lips. 

Naruto would leave him— he was sure of that. In the first place, he never really should have been with Orochimaru. But now that he experienced what it felt basking in his warm presence (and the warm feeling he still haven't solve what it was), he had a feeling that those things would stay with him. He wouldn't lose him because thoughts of the blond Uzumaki would always be with him and he would remember it not with grief but with happiness and warmth. 

Two reasons now anchored him in the village. 

His promise and the strange Uzumaki child.

"I've grown to have something," Orochimaru answered simply, summarizing what he could never turn into words.

"I made dinner!" the blond Uzumaki excitedly exclaimed when Orochimaru entered the house and was walking towards the kitchen, planning to prepare a meal for them but the Uzumaki beat him to it. 

He gestured for Orochimaru to sit down in his usual chair and he presented their meal with an excited waving of hands. 

"It's cup ramen!" The blue-eyed child almost squealed with deliight, proud of what he did.

"It looks delicious," the Snake Sannin commented.

"It tastes delicious too, 'ttebayo!" The child nodded and sat down next to Orochimaru.

They both said their 'itadakimasu' and Orochimaru watched as the child devoured his favorite meal. The Uzumaki must have noticed that he wasn't touching his food when he looked up to him with question in his eyes.

"Is something wrong?" He inquired.

The Sannin stared at the peculiar child and he reached his hand forwards to touch the child's hair. He saw how the child beamed at his actions, slightly shuffling towards him.

"Thank you," Orochimaru softly said as he patted the child that almost rivals the sun's brightness.

And it was a gratitude not only for the meal but for what the child brought him. He believed that if the blond Uzumaki wasn't with him this day, he'd do something he would probably regret because of the thoughts that ran through his mind at Tsunade's absence. Uzumaki Naruto not only made him realize that he still have someone even though Tsunade left him but he also strengthened his resolved— his promise.

This strange child was phenomenal. 

He became one of Orochimaru's anchor.

Orochimaru was a patient man, but looking at the whiskered Uzumaki that barged into his life, he couldn''t wait for what lies in the future for this bright child.

"Ne, ne," the child said, looking up at him with curious eyes, "where did you go, dattebayo?"

"I went to look for my teammate, Tsunade, she's a medic nin," Orochimaru explained and he let the child go to start eating his ramen.

He saw the Uzumaki's eyes widen and he asked in a whisper, "are you sick?"

Orochimaru nodded solemnly, "I'm very sick."

"ARE YOU DYING?!" 

Chapter Text

Naruto squinted his eyes and tried to read what was written in the book. Hypetor... Hypertor... Hypertror... And the book went SLAM!

The Jinchuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune held his head in his hands and groaned as reading medical terms made his brain overheat. How could Tsunade-baa-chan and Sakura-chan understand these terms? Let alone read it and pronounce it?! What were they eating to make their brains not overheat at these words?!

'You're just an idiot,' Kurama lightly commented. 

'Oi! I take offense to that, 'ttebayo!' Naruto grumbled and crossed his arms. 

'I already told you that the Snake isn't sick. Kit, he didn't smell sick and he even told you that you shouldn't worry about it because he's not dying.'

'But he's always holding his chest when he thought that I'm not looking at him! Isn't that a sign for a heart condition? What if he has this Hypetor... Hypetror... Hyper-thingy?! That means, he's dying, Kurama!'

'You are panicking and overreacting,' grumbled the grumpy Kyuubi.

'Am not, 'ttebayo!' grumbled back the grumpy Jinchuriki.

It has been three days since Orochimaru told Naruto that he was sick. Being the Jinchuriki of the oversized cranky furball, he haven't had the experience of being sick, so he didn't really know how sick people felt. Kurama explained that his chakra made Naruto's body invulnerable to common sickness, he also told the blond that normal old people experiences chest pain sometimes. But Orochimaru wasn't old! ("You'll never know, kit. You'll never know." Kurama told him, remembering how the Sannin never looked old whenever they encountered him.)

And Orochimaru also assured him that he's not dying. 

("Little fox, you don't have to worry. I'm fine. I'm sure I'm not dying," Orochimaru tried to dispel his panicking but it just made Naruto look at him with wider eyes. "Whatever illness I have, it's not communicable nor terminal."

... 

Is he supposed to calm down at that?!)

Naruto made it his mission to observe the Sannin and just like what he told Kurama earlier, Orochimaru always have this weird look in his face as if he's pained and he'd place his hand on his chest. Naruto's not a medic nin but he's absolutely sure that Orochimaru has a heart condition!

So, here he was now, at the Konoha's library and archives, gathering all the medical book he saw and trying to understand all the medical term he encountered. So far, he hasn't understood a lick of what this book says and just like with Fuuinjutsu scrolls, these words were turning gibberish and squiggles in his eyes!

Come on, brain, function!

'Why don't you just go play with the Hatake-brat? You're wasting your time here,' Kurama suggested, pitying the overheating brain of his Jinchuriki. 

An idea formed in his mind and he visibly perked up with excitement, 'you're a genius, Kurama! Maybe Sakumo-shiro can help me!'

'That's not what I— you know what? You do your thing and wake me up, if you've caused a fire.'

"Why would I—," 

"Sakumo-shiro! Sakumo-shiro!" Naruto yelled as he continued banging the door to the Hatake's house.

As his fist hit the door for the fifth time, it opened and he saw a fully prepared Sakumo-shiro. He was wearing his Jounin vest, hitai-ate was tied at his forehead, tanto strapped tightly at his back and a serious look on his face.

... Was he going to a mission?

"Did you start a fire?" The White Fang of Konoha seriously asked as he surveyed Orochimaru's ward's disheveled look.

"No, dattebayo! Why do everyone assume that..." Naruto trailed off and he gave the white-haired man a confused look, "are you going to a mission?"

"... No, I am not going to a—" he was interrupted by Kakashi suddenly appearing at his side and also looking at Naruto.

"Where's the fire?" Tiny-sensei butted in, also looking like his father, as if they were both going to a mission— to the frontlines of the battlefield, to be exact, facing Uchiha Madara in his full undead glory and his non-existent army. 

(No man stands alone against an army in a war. That is unless, you're Uchiha fucking Madara. Century-old batshit craziness and laughing at Death's face with a saluting middle finger.) 

"... There's no fire," Hatake Sakumo stated and Naruto heard the surprise, confusion and wonder in his voice.

"Oh." Kakashi said with grim realization. 

Silence drew a line. 

A cricket was heard, chirping at his post in the tree.

Three crows passed in the sky, their crowing sounded suspiciously like 'Aho! Aho! Aho!' that added flavor to the idiocy of the situation.

If silence has a sound, they could hear it laughing at them. 

"There's no fire," tiny-sensei broke the silence with a pointed look to his father, the latter looking sheepish, and taking a deserved deep sigh, "that's good. So, why are you trying to destroy our front door?"

"Orochimaru's dying." Naruto declared.

"WHAT?!"

Naruto nodded, ignoring the flabbergasted look he received from the father and son duo as he explained his scientific founding. 

"Three days ago, he went out of the house. I waited for him and decided to cook cup ramen—"

"That's not exactly cooking," tiny-sensei quietly said and Naruto ignored him.

"— just to surprise him because I'm awesome like that, 'ttebayo. And when he got back to the house, I asked him why he went out and he told me that he went looking for his teammate, Tsunade-baa-chan—"

"Baa-chan?" Sakumo whispered with wide eyes— also, ignored.

"— she's a medic, 'ttebayo, and I heard that she was one of the best, if not, the best! When I asked him if he was sick— because why would someone look for a medic? They look for a medic because they're sick, right?!— and he told me that he was very sick, dattebayo! I asked him if he was dying because very sick people die, right?! Right?! And he told me that no, he wasn't dying! His sickness was not commuca... Communin... Commu..."

(Was he seriously developing a speech impairment now?!) 

Naruto looked up to Sakumo with wide pleading eyes and the Hatake decided to help him. 

"Communicable."

"Right," the Uzumaki nodded, "and it's not terminal, 'ttebayo. Of course I didn't believe him because sick people will always deny that they're sick— it's simple sick people logic that I heard once. He was always looking pained and he's also holding his chest as if it's the one causing him harm! I went to the library to read what his sickness was and I found this Hyper-thingy where it causes chest pain and it's life threatening! Sakumo-shiro, he's dying! What should I do, dattebayo?!" Naruto exclaimed and he can feel tears forming in his eyes.

Sakumo kneeled down and did his best reassuring smile as he understood what the blond Uzumaki told him, "he's not dying, Naruto. Don't worry."

"He's not?" Naruto asked and he rubbed his eyes with his chibi fists.

Sakumo nodded, "Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy isn't really life threatening. The life expectancy is normal. Out of ten people, seven survives with that condition and if they did die, it didn't have anything to do with the disease," he explained, remembering how he used to scan medical scrolls at his youth in time of deep boredom, knowing that the knowledge will help him in the future.

"What happened to the remaining three people out of ten?" Naruto asked.

"They didn't survive," he lightly stated, not noticing the growing panic in the boy's expression, forgetting the fact that normal children don't really react to death with a knowing expression like Kakashi's. 

(Where did the famous intellect of the White Fang went? Hmm? Hmm?!) 

('Aho! Aho! Aho!' There went the three crows.) 

Naruto took a step back and looked horrified, "he's dying! Oh, Kami, he's dying!"

And the blond Uzumaki went running, it's as if a Bijuu was hot on his tails. 

"Dad," Kakashi said.

"... Yes?"

"Sometimes you're like Minato-sensei," The six-year-old Hatake said— the only one who's sane in the entirety of the shinobi population of the village... A six-year-old boy.

"An idiot," he added and went to look for his irritating acquaintance, hiding his worry for the annoying sunshine. 

"Jiji!" Naruto yelled as he opened the Hokage's door with a bang.

Voices suddenly went down at his entrance and Naruto ignored them, running towards his Hokage-jiji and jumping in his lap to hug him.

(Hey, don't judge him. He already tried controlling his childish urges but he failed spectacularly, so now, he just went with what these urges told him to do. And if his urges told him to find the person who can give him comfort and hug him to death, Naruto would follow it dutifully.)

"What happened?" The Sandaime Hokage asked with a patient voice, clearly seeing the distress of his student's ward.

Naruto grumbled and he tightened his hold at the younger than normal Hokage-jiji.

"Did he just..." 

"... Jiji?!" 

"When did you get another grandchild, Hokage-sama?!" An excited voice asked and Naruto swore that he'd heard it before. He looked up and he was greeted with three people standing in front of the Hokage.

A man who looked like the younger version of Hinata's father, a lady who looked like the female version of Uchiha Itachi and a red-haired woman that definitely looked like his Kaa-chan but just like his Tou-chan, she's in her late teens.

He opened his mouth to speak to her but closed it when he thought that he looked like a gaping tuna. 

(It's his Kaa-chan! And she's looking at him! She's alive!)

"Hiashi, Mikoto and Kushina, this is Uzumaki Naruto," the Sandaime introduced him to his three shinobi, "he has been staying at Konoha for the past two weeks with Orochimaru. My student found him at the Land of Fire's borders and he claimed to be an Uzumaki. We were waiting for you to come back to your mission and if you'd agree, he'll stay with you."

Three pair of eyes widened at the Hokage's statement and Uzumaki Kushina took a step forward to him.

"I thought I was the only one..." his Kaa-chan said with a surprised expression on her pretty face and after a second, she smiled at him and offered her hand, "I'm Uzumaki Kushina, dattebane!"

The blond Uzumaki got down from the Hokage's lap and he approached his breathing and living Kaa-chan with excitement.

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto, dattebayo!" He exclaimed and took the offered hand with glee.

Alone.

Anger.

Sadness. 

Anger. 

Worry. 

Anger. 

Despair. 

Anger

Guilt. 

Anger.

Pain. 

Angerangerangerangeranger. 

As Naruto took his mother's hand, he was overwhelmed with deep emotion. Century-old deep seething anger that he haven't felt for a very long time stirred up his senses and the Kyuubi sleeping in his stomach woke up with a resonating roar.

As he looked at Uzumaki Kushina's horrified violet eyes, oblivion enveloped the whiskered Jinchuriki. 

Chapter Text

When Naruto first met Kurama, he was bombarded with hundreds of emotions.

He was falling from a steep cliff because Ero-sennin thought that it was brilliant way to contact the Kyuubi's chakra inside of him after failing so many times on acquiring a decent summons with the toads. It wasn't a brilliant idea because of three different reasons. First, if he didn't manage to borrow the Kyuubi's powers, he'll die from the height he fell from. Second, holyshithemettheKyuubi. Third, he almost freaking died!

So, yeah, when he first met the Kyuubi, he wasn't exactly sure what to feel. 

Behind the tall and thick metal bars was the legendary Kyuubi no Youko, a creature of chakra sealed inside him when he was born and the reason why he was treated like an outcast growing up.

He was the reason why the people managing the orphanage never bothered to take care of him and warned the other orphans to never go near him.

He was the reason why the instructors at the Academy ignored him and didn't bother to teach him how to write nor read.

He was the reason why the vendors increased the prices of their products whenever they saw him trying to buy something.

He was the reason why everyone treated him like shit.

Naruto felt anger at the sight of the Kyuubi that it never even registered in his mind that he needed his chakra to be able to save himself. He was so, so angry at the creature that when the Kyuubi gazed at him, he felt rooted at his spot.

It was hate. Naruto hated the Kyuubi. 

But when the feeling of hate started to boil down in his system after the staring match the two of them did, Naruto realized that he felt the Kyuubi's hate. Not just towards him but at everything. He can feel how suffocating it was standing in front of the creature even behind bars because of the deep-rooted hate that the Kyuubi had.

And when he started asking rent from the Kyuubi, he was slightly thankful to get out of that place even if that was technically inside his mind. 

He feared that if he stayed any longer, the Kyuubi would influence him to act out Naruto's hidden hate at the village. It's true that he loved his village and he would always be a loyal shinobi of Konoha but after suffering the village's treatment for their resident Jinchuriki, deep inside him, there's a small part that hated the village for what they did to him as a child.

He never knew why they treated him that way and when he found out the reason, he was beyond frustrated that they didn't saw that Naruto wasn't the demon sealed inside of him. 

After that first meeting, the second followed and the third and many more until his battle with Pein when he met his Tou-chan. Naruto believed that Namikaze Minato deserved the punch he threw at him. Sure, it was cool meeting the Yondaime Hokage— his childhood hero— but knowing that he was Naruto's dad and the man that sealed the Kyuubi in him, he really felt that he deserved more than Naruto's punch. But knowing that his father trusted Naruto to be the one to stop the cycle of hate and control the Kyuubi, Naruto's resolve grew and the Kyuubi's previous words of negative persuasion was immediately placed at the back of his mind.

His Tou-chan trusted him and he would prove the man that he was right on doing so.

He stopped rampaging and the Naruto's transformation to the Kyuubi's real form stopped with how his will grew inside him.

And during the start of the Fourth Shinobi War when Killer B was tasked on helping Naruto to control his Bijuu, he again saw the Kyuubi. He told Naruto that he shouldn't shoulder the weight of the entire war on his shoulder because no matter what he did, his efforts will be all for a naught. It was futile. But with how confident Naruto was at his own resolve and the will of the people like Jiraiya, Minato and Nagato that left him their beliefs and wishes, he was sure that he can carry the fox' hate and help him solve it.

He was so, so thankful that the Kyuubi decided to put his trust on Naruto and bestowed him his name.

Kurama.

It was the sign of their promise. Kurama's name reminded Naruto that he would always carry his hate and help him.

Now, after everything that both Jinchuriki and Bijuu experienced with each other, Naruto seeing the past Kurama filled with deep seething rage, Naruto could not help but feel tears running through his cheeks. 

"I'm sorry," the blond Jinchuriki all but wailed as he saw the state of how Kurama was treated by his past jailer.

The magnificent Kyuubi no Youko was lying his back on a half-moon rock, chains tied around his humongous body and large wooden stakes stabbed his nine tails, hands and feet, keeping him in his lying position.

It was horrifying seeing the Bijuu in that position.

He thought that Kurama wasn't just sealed but he was almost tortured by how he was kept in that rock. It was unthinkable that someone put him in that place. Of course he knew that at this time that Kurama wasn't how he was now with Naruto, he wasn't forgiving. And Naruto also  knew that the reason why Kurama felt that way before was justifiable at how the humans of the past treated him and his siblings.

"How did you get here?!" The Kyuubi roared at him, red slitted eyes glaring at the human that trespassed in his jail.

"I'm sorry," Naruto repeated and his crying just got worse as he imagined how Kurama must have been feeling right now, "i'msorryi'msorryi'msorry—"

Naruto ignored the danger of approaching the Kyuubi when he ran towards the creature of chakra and burrowed himself at the first tail that he got to hold on to.

No matter what time, Kurama would always be Kurama. And nobody could ever change his mind on that fact.

(Even Kurama himself.)

Sarutobi Hiruzen heaved a deep sigh as he let his hand knock on the wooden door of one of the hospital's private room. He never heard anything aside from the steady beeping of the heart monitor as he let himself inside the room. His gaze immediately fell on the straight back of his student sitting on the chair beside the bed of his recent charge.

Hiruzen's eyes roamed the resting form of the blond Uzumaki and was disappointed to see that there was no sign of waking up.

He approaced his student and sat at the empty seat beside the Sannin. The Sandaime Hokage let the silence settle for a few minutes, student and teacher observing the child that wasn't suited to be in such a position.

"He's thin," the lulling voice of his student broke the silence and Hiruzen looked up to see that Orochimaru's eyes were still settled at his ward. "I always managed to cook for him and never missed a meal but he's still too thin. I guess I might need to make diet plans for him to improve his body."

Hiruzen absorbed his student's words as he saw how different he had become at the influence of the bright child. Orochimaru had changed— no... He was always supposed to be this way. Naruto brought out this side of Orochimaru that once in a while managed to make an appearance whenever he was filled with the presence of his teammates.

Everyone saw Orochimaru as a cold and calculating man. Yes, he was those things but he was so much more.

When Hiruzen first glanced at his student, he always knew in himself that he was capable of such deep emotions. Orochimaru just decided to build a wall around those emotions to protect himself and Hiruzen couldn't fault him for that. Even when he felt afraid that Orochimaru would change into someone the he would regret after his teammates left him on his own.

Orochimaru wasn't supposed to be left alone because he thrived at others' company even when he never outwardly showed it.

And now. Now that he was showing such emotions, Hiruzen was afraid of what would happen if Orochimaru's reason for the cracks in his walls would suddenly disappear from his life.

"He's a Jinchuriki," the Sandaime Hokage said with grief in his voice, already visualizing what the child must have suffered to be as such, "Kushina didn't know what the Bijuu inside of him is but Jiraiya just came back to the village and the two of them, including Minato, were studying how Naruto's seals work and see what he's keeping."

"It's been days," Orochimaru stated.

"They're working on it, you just need to put your trust in them. Kushina tried talking to the Kyuubi on what caused Naruto to collapsed but she was rejected rather violently. She didn't know if meeting another Jinchuriki had caused that reaction but he had never met one before so she's not sure of that theory."

The steady beeping of Naruto's heart made the seasoned shinobi relaxed to the rhythm as they again let the silence enveloped them.

"He's a good kid," Hiruzen said, remembering how bright and happy the child was, "one of these days he'll be back to his bouncing self and smiling glory as if nothing ever fazes him."

Hiruzen saw a tiny tilt in his student's lips, "nothing ever fazes him."

Hiruzen remembereded something and chuckled to himself, "Sakumo said that Naruto told him that you're suffering from a heart condition?" 

"I am," Orochimaru agreed.

"Does it hurt when Naruto's around?" Hiruzen asked, smile playing on his lips. 

"It does," Orochimaru nodded with seriousness. 

Kushina took a step back as she finished hearing Orochimaru-sama's words. She didn't mean to eavesdrop at their conversation (Hiashi, no, she's not an eavesdropper) but she couldn't help herself.

She was curious at the Snake Sannin's relationship with the younger and whiskered (his whiskers were so cute!) Uzumaki when Minato told him that Naruto has been staying with Orochimaru for days. And now that he heard Hokage-sama and Orochimaru-sama's conversation, Kushina imagined that Orochimaru-sama and Naruto must have made quite an interesting pair.

Kushina went on her way towards where she left Minato and Jiraiya-sama still trying to decipher the ingenious seal and nodded with determination. They must make haste. She needed to see that blinding smile again. 

Chapter Text

Kurama knew that something would go wrong the moment Naruto came face to face with Uzumaki Kushina.

Kurama knew that something would go wrong if the past and the future-present Jinchuriki met.

Kurama was a being that lived for eons and he may not be an expert when it comes to paradoxes and time travel but he knew that shit would turn up just by letting Naruto be Naruto. 

And oh boy, was he right with those assumptions. 

As he felt his consciousness slowly crept up to him, a blinding headache pounded him— a phenomenon that no Bijuu had ever experienced before and quite frankly, an impossible thing to happen considering that he's a creature made of malice and pure chakra; his healing ability was something to wish for. But as he learned since he started accepting his Jinchuriki, nothing's impossible when it comes to Uzumaki Naruto. And as if the Kami read his thoughts, the Kyuubi no Youko heard a 'dattebayo' followed by a loud wailing of a small child.

The Kyuubi opened his eyes to look at what the Kami's happening with his Jinchuriki, a deadpanned expression crossed his face as he watched a disgruntled Kyuubi staked on a rock, throwing death threats at the sunshine-haired child clinging to one of his tails and sobbing and mumbling incoherent words.

(Kurama would willingly die first before he let Shukaku hear of this event.)

Watching his past self trying to bat away the persistent pest cluthing his tail— as if his life depended on it— and the sight was enough to tenfold his headache and kill him on the spot.

("Here lies the magnanimous Kyuubi no Youko— the strongest of the Bijuu, the most terrifying creature in all the Elemental Nations and the unlucky being to suffer from the torment of the Uzumakis— who met his untimely death from a headache. May you find peace in the Pure Lands." He could almost picture the words written on his non-existent grave and wasn't that sweet?)

Kurama was honest enough to admit that he had a sadistic streak somewhere in his bones. But watching his past self suffer at the tiny hands of the pest called Uzumaki Naruto, even he knows how to draw a line somewhere. 

"Okay, kit, that's enough tormenting the poor Bijuu," Kurama said with all the patience he could muster up and plucked the ever-loving ramen idiot with his claws away from the pitiful Bijuu.

Silence dawned at the mindscape as they tried to process his sudden interruption and it was immediately broken down by Naruto's hiccups.

"Kurama!"

And again, there was wailing. 

(Naruto at this age can be a crybaby.)

(In the true words of a Nara; troublesome.)

"Are you calm now?" The being of rage, wrath, fury— and the sudden addition to the nouns that would describe him— patience, said in a voice that he wouldn't never in his thousand years of living, would ever use.

"Uhn, 'ttebayo," Naruto nodded and further burrowed himself at Kurama's fur (as if he's some kind of a security blanket, it's adora—) 

Kurama nodded to himself, if he's using that irritable idiosyncrasy of his, then that means he won't break down to another session of crying anymore. He looked at his past counterpart and saw his incredulous stare directed at the pair of Jinchuriki and Bijuu.

"If you hadn't shown me your memories, I will believe that years of isolation finally made you succumb to madness," past-Kurama commented, pointing out how flabbergasted he was when the present-Kurama hold up a fist to him.

Who knew that Gyuki's Jinchuriki, Killer B could be smart sometimes? His idea of sharing memories with fist bump was stupid but it does work, not only through Jinchuriki to Bijuu but also through Bijuu to Bijuu. 

The fox heard Naruto whined at his past self's comment and he grinned at the sealed Bijuu in front of him.

"Who's to say that there's no madness in me now?" He asked, remembering the trauma from his years of watching Uzumaki Kushina and Naruto's daily intake of ramen. Even the thought alone made him nauseous.

(Those dratted noodles.)

(He won't say it out loud but he thinks that the Snake was having a good influence at his kit with how Naruto started eating properly.)

"We won't leave him here, right?" Naruto suddenly asked from his comfortable position, "we can't leave him here."

Naruto looked up to him and Kurama stared at his blue eyes filled with determination. The Kyuubi knew that when his eyes were like this, no one could stop his stubborn kit.

Kurama sighed and plopped his body to the ground, ignoring Naruto's indignant yell as his tiny body was crushed by his, "that is if he'd agree to you," he said and waved his clawed hand at his past counterpart.

Naruto then stared at the chained Kyuubi and just like what Kurama expected, his past self relented. The blond Uzumaki's eyes were a lethal weapon. Naruto could use his eyes and ask for the world to burn and the world would burn itself. Kurama always wondered how the people of the Konoha from Naruto's childhood could look at those eyes and continue to treat him as if he's the worse scum of this pretentious world. True, he was the container of the Kyuubi. True, those people were imbeciles. If Naruto didn't make him promise to never harm nor eat those morons who once hurt him, Konoha's population would be reduced to more or less than ten people.

Naruto was an innocent and bright child— still is.

(And now, he's not the only one who knows that.) 

"What should we do?" Past-Kurama grumbled, acting like agreeing to Naruto personally offended him.

Kurama gave a smirk to his past self and Naruto excitedly cheered.

(His kit's adorabl—) 

Kurama shook his head, erasing unnecessary thoughts. 

Orochimaru narrowed his eyes at the grinning fool in front of him. 

"Come on, Oro-teme! Don't look as if you don't want to see the great Jiraiya-sama!" The fool, or as he would like to call himself 'Jiraiya', did a squat, pointed his left hand at the heaven and place his right in front of him.

"I don't," the Snake Sannin answered in a flat voice.

"Aww, come on, Oro! Don't tell me you're still angry with that cup of ramen! It's your fault in the first place!" Jiraiya whined and plopped on the seat next to Orochimaru in an ungraceful heap. The Snake Sannin raised a questioning brow, silently asking what the fool meant. "Oh no, don't raise your eyebrows at me like that, it is your fault. For someone so smart, you're petty."

"How come I'm the petty one when you've pulled a prank on me on my last mission by sabotaging my food supplies?"

"Please don't use the word sabotage, that's an exaggeration!"

Orochimaru didn't deem the man an answer and put his attention back to the scrolls he was reading before the white-haired man unceremoniously interrupted him. He heard Jiraiya grumbling at his side, muttering complaints.

"... You won't retaliate, right?" Finally, Jiraiya asked the question that was stewing on his mind since he realized the shit that he's done.

Jiraya admitted that he was petty by pranking his fellow nin because Orochimaru snitched him to Tsunade months before and knowing Orochimaru, he hated the cup ramen Jiraiya enjoys. So, as a retaliation for the beatings he received from Tsunade, he exchanged all his food rations to instant ramen. It's a great prank and he wondered if Orochimaru even ate one of those— but because he's a stubborn bastard, the Snake Sannin would suffer from hunger than eating what Jiraiya packed for him.

Thinking about it now, he felt guilty for making Orochimaru suffer but also— he felt so much afraid for his damn life! If Jiraiya's a petty son of a bitch, Orochimaru's a vindictive bastard! Just imagining what the Snake Sannin would do as a retaliation for that prank was enough to make him start digging for a hole to bury what would remain of his body.

(And Tsunade's not here to save him from the Snake Sannin!)

"That would be very childish of me," Orochimaru answered, not bothering to look up from his scrolls, "of course I wont."

Orochimaru heard Jiraiya's exhale of relief and he asked in a hopeful voice, "you won't?"

The Snake Sannin lifted his eyes and stared at the man's black orbs, "I will."

A smirk lifted his mouth when he heard Jiraiya's scream of horror. 

"You liar!" He accused and stood up from his seat— almost springing actually, "you can't do that! You can't, Oro!"

"And why not?" Orochimaru slowly tilted his head.

"Be... Because..." Jiraiya sputtered, thinking of an excuse and when his eyes landed at the child lying on the hospital bed, he immediately came up with something, "because I'm saving your son's life by trying to figure out what the hell happened to him! That's why!"

Silence. 

Orochimaru stared with unblinking eyes at his teammate, asking himself if he heard the fool right. 

Did he just say... 

Son?

Did Jiraiya—

And before Orochimaru could open his mouth to ask what Jiraiya meant, the latter scoffed and crossed his arms. 

"See, I have a point, did I? I'm... I'm going, I have some research to do." And the man bolted out of the hospital room like the Kyuubi no Youko was personally chasing him. The hospital room's door rattled at how forceful the Toad Sannin closed the door. 

Orochimaru blinked. And blinked again.

(How many braincells did Jiraya even have?)

And as Orochimaru tried to calculate Jiraiya's remaining brain cells, he heard a small groan and he instantly bolted out of his seat to look at his wayward charge. The Snake Sannin watched as the blond Uzumaki's eyes slowly opened. He stared worryingly at the crystal blue eyes and felt his worries vanished as the child looked up to him and gave him a smile.

(How he missed seeing that.)

Orochimaru sat down next to the empty space of the whiskered child's bed and his hands automatically went to the blond hair, smoothing out the tangles. His heart made a painful clench as he felt the child leaning to his touch.

"Good morning," Orochimaru softly said— smiling, "little fox."

The Uzumaki launched himself at the Sannin and the latter caught him, bringing him close to his chest. The child burrowed his head at the crook of his neck and Orochimaru continued petting him in his blond hair. 

"Good morning," his little fox mumbled, "I'm sorry for waking up late, Orochi-tou."

Chapter Text

"Are you certain that you can do this?"

Naruto looked up at Orochimaru as they both stopped in front of the Hokage's office.

"Uhn!" Naruto nodded and enthusiastically swayed his hand that was held by the Sannin. Orochimaru stared at him for a second, as if confirming that he was alright and he could do this. When the Snake Sannin gave Naruto one of his soft smile, a decision he made days before strengthened.

"Alright," the pale man agreed and knocked at the door before the two of them entered.

A smile formed on Naruto's lips as he saw his Kaa-chan and Ero-sennin sitting in front of Hokage-jiji. The three shinobi halted their discussion when they entered the office and without further invitation, Orochimaru joined them and he lifted Naruto to help him sit beside him. There was silence as the three people inside the room watched Naruto and Orochimaru and the Sandaime broke it as he greeted Naruto.

"How are you feeling, Naruto?" The brown-haired man asked and took a puff of his smoke.

Naruto smiled at the older man, "I feel great, dattebayo!"

The Hokage nodded at his answer and done with the small talk, he leaned back in his chair as he regarded Naruto with a small amount of scrutiny, "three days ago, when you met Kushina and suddenly fell unconscious, we found something. I don't know if you know this but you're—"

"A Jinchuriki and a Bijuu's sealed inside of me?" Naruto asked, already knowing what he's about to say and feeling giddy at something he's going to ask later on, "I know, 'ttebayo."

They fell silent at his answer so Naruto took it as a chance to explain, just like what Kurama once said: patience has never been his virtue.

"My Kaa-chan and Tou-chan died when they sealed a Bijuu inside me when I was a new born baby. My Jiji took care of me after that but he died when a missing nin attacked my village," he explained, remembering what he told Orochimaru as an excuse when he asked where he was from.

"But why didn't you tell us that you're a Jinchuriki?" The Hokage asked, needing to know if he's planning something at hiding his Jinchuriki status.

"Well... When people find out that I'm a Jinchuriki, things turn bad," Naruto said, partly an excuse and partly the truth.

He was hated by the whole village by simply being the Jinchuriki, knowing that he didn't even do those things that they were accusing him of. He didn't know if being a Jinchuriki at the Konoha of this time would be a bad thing for him because he didn't know if he'd be accepted by them. Orochimaru was treated as if he's someone to be feared rather than someone to be trusted when at this time, he does nothing but be loyal to the village and to its citizen.

So what would happen if they found out that he has the Kyuubi sealed in his stomach? 

Naruto didn't tell the Hokage about the Bijuu inside of him because he was unsure and he didn't tell Orochimaru even when he immediately trusted him because he was afraid that he'd also treat him differently (and also, he haven't really talked to Kurama if he should tell it to someone). But when he woke up and explained to Orochimaru why he fell unconscious, at first he was really scared to find out what his reactions would be and when Naruto told him the real reason, Orochimaru just patted him in the head and told him how brave he was.

Naruto didn't know what he meant by that but when he understood it, Kurama grumbled in his head how his crying made him feel irritated.

("Thank you, thank you, thank you," Naruto repeated as he hugged Orochimaru, afraid that if he let go, none of this would be true.

"What for?" Orochimaru asked, combing his hands through Naruto's hair.

"... F-for accepting me...")

And when Orochimaru assured him that he wouldn't be different in his eyes, an idea bloomed in Naruto's mind and no one would ever stop him from making it happen. Not even his Kaa-chan.

"What's the Bijuu inside you?" Ero-sennin asked and when Naruto looked at him, silently asking why he asked that, he clarified by saying: "well, it's just that the seal in your stomach is the Eight Trigrams Sealing Style, your parents must have been sealing geniuses to come up with it. The seal's a masterpiece, really. And it makes you access the chakra of the Bijuu inside of you whenever you wanted it and use it as your own. And the seal can also make you talk to your Bijuu— did you already have a conversation with it?"

Naruto tilted his head and eyed the young looking Ero-sennin sitting next to his Kaa-chan. It was so surreal for him to see Ero-sennin in this look because just like Hokage-jiji, he couldn't imagine them having a childhood at all. They were both figures in Naruto's past that he would look back to with determination as he remembered all the lessons they both taught him when he was just a child. And now that technically, he's in a five-year-old's body with the mind of a seventeen-year-old's, it's really weird seeing them like this. The blond Uzumaki silently wondered if at this age, Ero-sennin was already a pervert but knowing the man— he already is.

"Yes," Naruto confirmed the man's assumptions, "and he's not an it, he's a he. His name's Kurama."

Shocked expressions greeted his answer as Uzumaki Kushina tried to hold on her beliefs when it comes to creatures of terror and chakra.

"Wait... Wait— wait! Did you mean a Bijju gave you its— I'm sorry— his name? How could that happen, dattebane!?" The red-haired woman almost exclaimed.

"I talked to him." Naruto shrugged his shoulders, as if anyone could just do it like he did. 

"How many tails does he have?" Hokage-hiji asked after recovering from shock.

"Nine, he's the Kyuubi."

Again, reactions of shock met his answer.

(They're faces were really funny. Naruto should make a habit of doing this.)

"How can that happen? Your eyesight's probably been deteriorating, kid, or you're a liar," Jiraiya said almost childishly for a man of his status. 

Naruto furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at the white-haired man in indignation. Hey! Naruto's not a liar! Sure, he might have been telling them some lies but—

The whiskered child crossed his arms and pouted, "am not, 'ttebayo! Kurama's a giant fox with nine tails and he's the Kyuubi!"

He knew that he should probably tell this fact to them slowly but Jiraiya just called him a liar, so he didn't care what they would think about his next statements. 

"And I know you don't believe what I've said because it's impossible to have two Bijuu's of the same tail count but mine's not. The Kyuubi has two sides, the yin and yang, he told me that his existence was separated into two parts years ago when the first Hokage and Uzumaki Mito tried to seal him! His yin part was sealed into the Shodai's wife but the yang part was left free somewhere.

My Kaa-chan's grandmama stumbled upon Kurama one day but as a Bijuu that was torn into two, he was weak and so he proposed to grandmama to seal him inside of her as he sleep for years, resting and trying to build up the chakra that was stolen from him. So, when Kushina and I held hands, I fell unconscious because the two parts of the Kyuubi suddenly merged into one existence again. No, I'm not a liar!" Naruto exclaimed childishly, not even panting at the long explanation he just told them.

Hokage-jiji, Kaa-chan and Ero-sennin absorbed his words. Naruto looked at his side when Orochimaru once again lifted him and seated him back to his chair. He didn't even notice that he left his chair— too absorbed with his explanations.

"Does... Does that mean the Kyuubi's not sealed inside me anymore?" Kushina asked and placed a hand on her stomach.

Naruto's ears blew a fuse as he remembered Kurama's state when he was sealed inside the red-head's.

"Not anymore and he was happy to leave you anyways," Naruto said in a tone filled with righteous anger, "he's being tortured there! No one should be sealed like that, it's unfair and inhumane! You're... You hurt him so when yang-Kurama asked if he wanted to be one again, yin-Kurama immediately agreed because he didn't want to be staked on a rock again!"

Naruto doesn't understand the emotions that ran inside Kushina but when he saw relief and shame, his righteous anger somewhat depleted. It's not exactly Kushina's fault that Kurama was sealed in that way (still, he was angry that they did it to his friend) because at this time, no one tried to understand Kurama. No one even sees Kurama as simply Kurama beyond his status of being a Bijuu because they were very afraid of him— and his attack on Konoha in the future hadn't even happened yet!

They were afraid of the Kyuubi because they didn't even tried to ask why he was always feeling that way— always angry, raging and furious. No one bothered. Not Mito. Not Kushina. Just Naruto. Naruto was the only one who tried understanding Kurama and he still thinks that his anger was very justifiable.

And when he saw relief at Kushina's eyes, he instantly remembered how he felt when he found out that he was a Jinchuriki. Maybe like him, Kushina was also unwilling to be the Jinchuriki but she was left with no choice. Maybe like him before, she also didn't want a Bijuu contained inside her. And with the shame filling her eyes, maybe— maybe she regretted not bothering to even try.

"You're the Jinchuriki of the Kyuubi," Hokage-jiji said, summing up everything he just told them, "and Kushina's not."

Naruto nodded, satisfied that they understood his explanations.

(Well, if they didn't, he wouldn't even bother trying to elaborate anymore because he already told them what Kurama told him as an explanation to what the hell happened. Naruto's not good in lying, so he didn't know what to say anymore if he ran out of script. He's just thankful that Kurama already has prepared one for him. And what he told them was not exactly a lie, most of them were truths. The two Kuramas did merge into one but not exactly as how Naruto explained it. Kurama tried to make him understand what he just did with his past self but the talk about paradoxes and time traveling voodoo made him think of ramen because atleast ramen was interesting.)

(And if they wouldn't accept his answers, he's a five-year-old, kids his age were dumb. Except maybe Kakashi. Tiny-sensei would always be smart in his eyes no matter his age was.)

"Any more questions?" Naruto asked and placed his eyes at the Hokage. The latter stared back at him but instead of asking more questions, Jiji shook his head.

"I think you made your point well, Naruto," he commented.

Naruto beamed at him and he heard Jiraiya muttered something. 

"Too bright, the kid's too bright," the Toad Sannin muttered and Kushina nodded to it. Naruto didn't say anything because he didn't hear what the man said and continued beaming at the Hokage.

"Now that we're done here, I'm going back to my research—"

"Actually, sensei, can I ask you and Kushina for something?" Orochimaru interrupted Jiraiya's sorry excuse of a research.

Naruto looked at Kushina when Orochimaru called her name. Kushina, not expecting that the Sannin would address her, nodded warily, "what is it, 'ttebane?"

"Can I adopt Naruto?"

Time seemed to stop as Naruto heard those words.

("Okay, Kurama, I've made a decision," Naruto said to Kurama after an idea popped in his mind, still feeling blissful that the Snake Sannin accepted him.

"What is it, kit?" Kurama grumbled.

"I'm going to adopt Orochimaru and no one can stop me not even him! I'm going to ask Jiji later! I'm gonna make him be my Tou-san so I could call him Orochi-tou! It's going to be great! I'm so great, dattebayo!" He proudly said.

"... Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?") 

Chapter Text

Sakumo didn't know whether to feel surprised or worried when he got out of the Sandaime Hokage's office and saw Naruto sitting at the lobby of the Hokage Tower, clutching a scroll in his chest and what he would assume would be a bento box. After staring at the blond child for a whole minute, the White Fang shook his head and instead, he decided to just bottle it up with Naruto being Naruto. He shouldn't feel surprised with how Naruto spent his morning.

"Good morning, Naruto," Sakumo greeted as he padded over to the bright Uzumaki.

"Shiro!" Naruto beamed a brilliant smile at him and Sakumo thought that it could defy the sun's brightness. Was this the kid's jutsu? "What are you doing here?"

"I was summoned by Sandaime-sama," Sakumo answered, already used to Naruto's nickname for him no matter how weird he felt when the child called him that, "what are you doing here?"

"I'm going to give him breakfast and I'm making a petition, 'ttebayo!" The whiskered Uzumaki proudly stated and put the bento he's clutching at the empty seat next to him and he waved a scroll in front of Sakumo.

Sakumo paused for a second. A petition?

"I see," no, he didn't, "what are you petitioning for? Can I read it?"

Naruto excitedly handed him the scroll and Sakumo unraveled it. And the scroll stated:

'Adoption: For All Ages

I, Naruto Uzumaki, is proposing a petition to make adoption available for all ages.'

Sakumo rolled the scroll back and handed it to the excitable child. He had never written a petition before but he was certain that that's not how it was supposed to be written. If he was curious with Naruto's letter, he didn't let it show on his face.

He found his voice after thinking how on Kami's name would Naruto make such a letter and asked when he came up with nothing, "why did you write that?"

"Orochi-tou adopted me first before I got to ask the Hokage-jiji that I wanted to adopt him but they said that it's not possible, dattebayo. Hokage-jiji told me that that's not how adoption works. So, I'm making a petition to let children adopt whoever they want!" The child said, voice full of passion and determination as if he's making a speech for the public.

There was so much to unpack on what Naruto said to him to him but to preserve his sanity, Sakumo decided to focus on the most glaring issue.

"Orochimaru adopted you?"

"Uhn, 'ttebayo!"

The White Fang was surprised that this was how Naruto's stay with Orochimaru ended. Sure, he saw signs of the Snake Sannin's parental instincts towards the blond kid but he never expected that this would happen. Being friends with Jiraiya and how desensitized he was at his exploits and knowing Tsunade's tendencies, you wouldn't expect for the two of them to settle down and have a kid of their own. Tsunade must have plans with Dan but their ending was a tragic one that Sakumo never wanted to think about. Out of the Sannin, Orochimaru was the last one he would thought of having a kid, much less adopting Naruto.

But looking back as his memories of Naruto and Orochimaru's interaction, he must say that they're both good for each other.

(Huh, maybe he should really stopped being surprised when it comes to Naruto. He always surpasses the impossible, after all.)

"Congratulations in having a new father," Sakumo told the kid, "you must have been feeling happy."

Naruto stared at him for a second before he nodded seriously, "I am."

The White Fang smiled at the child and remembered that Naruto was waiting here at the lobby, he's probably waiting for the Hokage to finish his meeting with Sakumo.

"You should send your letter to him now," Sakumo said and sat next to the blond Uzumaki, "if you want I can wait for you here and after you finish your business with Sandaime-sama, you can visit the compound and Kakashi?"

"Okay! Please wait for me here, dattebayo!" The child energetically said and brought the bento and scroll to his chest as he ran towards the Hokage's office.

Sakumo heard a banging of a door and waited for the child. No more than five minutes, Naruto came back running to him and he jumped towards Sakumo. Letting his instincts move for him, the White Fang caught the child and carried him in his arms. 

"Let's go and see Tiny-sensei!" He cheered as if Sakumo's his personal steed and the Jounin had no choice but to follow his orders. He loved seeing that energetic smile after all. 

(The last time Kakashi let Sakumo carry him like this was after Naruto first visited their compound. Kakashi never let Sakumo carried him like how a normal five-year-old would want but after this, he would follow the Uzumaki's footsteps and make a petition for Kakashi on letting him clutch his son at his chest. Sakumo missed carrying his son.)

Naruto pouted as he stared at Kakashi, "what do you mean you're attending the Academy?"

"That I'm attending the Academy?" Kakashi retorted with his blank voice and if possible Naruto pouted harder, adjusting his purple scarf and crossing his arms at his chest. 

"But you're my age, dattebayo! Why would they let you enter?" He asked.

"Actually, I'm just spending three months in the Academy because I aced the entrance test and all the exam they gave me. The administration can't just let me graduate without spending some time at school, so they want me to atleast have three months with the class," chibi Kakashi said like his achievement was nothing.

(It was probably nothing for him but for Naruto— who repeated a year or two because he didn't manage to pass the graduation test— it was a big deal for him! Damn Kakashi-sensei for his laziness but still managing to be a great shinobi and damn Tiny-sensei for being a genius at this age!)

An idea suddenly popped in his mind and he couldn't stop the grin forming in his lips as he nodded.

'Yep, yep, you're so smart, Naruto,' he mentally said and patted himself in the back, ignoring Kurama as he grumbled and called out an 'idiot.'

"I prepared some snack," Sakumo-shiro entered the living room, carring a tray with senbei and milk.

He joined them and placed the snack at the table. Naruto immediately grabbed for the rice cracker and watched Kakashi as he took a gulp of milk. The Jinchuriki was still in awe that this Kakashi let him see his face. Shiro told him that Kakashi never liked others seeing his face and if he let Naruto see it, that means he trusted him. Even if they didn't have the bond that Naruto had with big-Kakashi, chibi-Kakashi trusted him to a degree that he's comfortable with him not wearing a mask.

(Naruto stared at the beauty mark under Kakashk's lip and sulked to himself— damn this pretty boy! Was he also like Sasuke at school? Having fangirls and all that?)

"Why did Sandaime-sama summoned you?"

Naruto was pulled back to reality when he heard Tiny-sensei's question.

Sakumo-shiro sighed as he took a rice cracker for himself, "he'll be sending my team on a mission."

"Are you going to escort a princess, 'ttebayo?!" Naruto exclaimed, remembering his fantasies of a cool mission when they were first given a C-rank mission. (Look at how disastrous that turned out.)

"It's a classified information, Naruto," Shiro said in that kind voice of his as he smile at Naruto as if he's thinking that escorting a princess was an amusing mission, "Councilor Danzo was the one that assigned us the mission, so it's top secret. No need to think over it."

Naruto felt dread pooling at his stomach. He knew that it wasn't a reaction from the breakfast his new Tou-san cooked for him because they were always wonderful or from eating too much rice crackers. No. This dread in his stomach was because a memory suddenly resurfaced at the forefront of his mind.

"Kakashi, how old are you?" Naruto asked his chibi sensei.

Kakashi surely noticed Naruto's sudden use of his name but he didn't comment on it, "I just turned six."

("Did you know that I met my father when I died at Pein's attack?" Kakashi-sensei asked as he sat next to him.

Naruto was again plagued by nightmares and instead of going to their usual place, he decided to just sat at the roof of his apartment and look at the splatters of stars in the sky. He wasn't surprised that Kakashi-sensei found him here because it was like the Hatake built a signal on Naruto, telling him whenever the blond needed someone to be at his side. Kakashi-sensei might be lazy and always late, but whenever they needed him, he always arrives on time.

"Really? How did that happen?" The sixteen-year-old curiously asked.

"When I died, I met him in a limbo," the gray haired man answered, "it's a place between life and death. Maa... Apparently, he couldn't move on the Pure Lands since he wanted to talk and apologize to me before moving on."

Naruto was silent as he absorbed his sensei's word. He furrowed his eyebrows and squinted his eyes in confusion, "why would he apologize, dattebayo?"

"When I was six years old, he was sent on a mission with his team. I didn't know the details because it was classified and one of the Elders assigned it to them. He let the mission failed and when he came back, the village was mad at him for his decisions," Kakashi-sensei said and Naruto felt pain in his heart when he heard grief in his teacher's voice. "So in order to clear his name, he... He killed himself. And I was the one who found his body... He was so cold...") 

Kakashi-sensei rarely let others see his emotions but when he did, it was heartbreaking.

Naruto spent that time listening to the man as he regaled him with tales of how kind and loyal his father was. He was thankful that they've both grown close that they're comfortable at letting each other know what they really feel. Kakashi might have spent his time with Naruto as his teacher with teasing and laziness but after the war, he became the older brother he never knew he needed. 

And now that Naruto suddenly remembered, he couldn't stop but cry internally at his stupidity.

How could he forget?!

How could he think of saving everyone he loves when he forget something so important?! And now that he met Kakashi-sensei's dad and saw how kind the man really was, Naruto couldn't just let him die! He would not let this version of Kakashi be the broken man that he was in Naruto's past.

He just wouldn't let it.

But the question is, how would he stop it from happening as to how it happened in the past? 

Chapter Text

If someone would tell Naruto that he wasn't built to be a tactician, they should receive an award, a bubble bath, coupons for unlimited Ichiraku ramen for a week and a nice head pat because of how right they would be.

Naruto and planning wasn't even meant to be in the same sentence in the first place and whoever made a sentence using both of the words, should be deported out of the Land of Fire with immediate haste.

He hasn't the aptitude befitting of a Nara for a detailed and intricate plan but even though he wasn't born as a conventional genius, his Mother was Uzumaki Kushina and his father was Namikaze Minato. That should be enough of an indication that there would be 98% chance that Uzumaki Naruto would be one of a kind of a genius. A genius not in the normal sense because everything he does defies logic and common sense. It's true that Kurama called him a muscle-head shinobi that would come to a war guns ablazing, but what Kurama didn't tell him was that Naruto, in his seventeen-year-old mind and five-year-old body should never ever in a hundred years— construct a plan.

Poison. 

That was what Naruto decided when he was ransacking his brain on how in the name of Hagoromo Ōtsutsuki would he save Hatake Sakumo.

Poison. That's what he would do. And if Kurama yelled in his mind how bad of an idea it was to poison a seasoned Jounin let alone a war-veteran of Konoha, Naruto would just tell him that it was for the best.

Hatake Sakumo was a cautious man.

He wouldn't be a successful Jounin if he wasn't. And if there's one thing that he honed from his years of experience being one of Konohagakure's top shinobi, it was his intuition. He didn't know if his intuition was inherited from a clan that was built upon the pack mentality of a wolf but he was sure that if his intuition tells him that some shit was about to go down, he was always prepared for it.

That's why on the day before he and his teammates would go on an S-rank mission— that would snap the tentative 'truce' between Konohagakure and Kirigakure if and should they fail it— he wasn't even closed to surprise dwhen he was summoned to the Hokage's office and told a bad news.

"Poisoned," Sakumo stated in his most deadpan of a voice and his face has the blankest expression ever. He was expecting something to happen. His intuition led him to believe Kami-sama would turn out his luck on him. He's just thankful (and a bit guilty for feeling that because his teammates were poisoned so he shouldn't be feeling guilty) that this didn't happen on the day of the mission.

"They're currently confined at the General Hospital. The medic nins did their best at getting the poison out of their bodies and they are in a stable condition but now that Tsunade left the village, there would be no chance that they will be waking up today or tomorrow," the Hokage explained to him. 

"Will I be taking the mission alone, then?" Sakumo frowned at his question. He has great trust when it comes to his abilities but this mission was meant to be completed by two or three Jounins of his level, it would be impossible for him to do it alone.

"No, I will find a replacement for your teammates but the current roster for the Jounin available for this mission is close to none," Sandaime Hokage took a deep sigh as he started cleaning his pipe, deep lines framing his forehead as he thought of how stressful this day had become.

Sakumo tried to think of a Jounin that could accompany him on this mission but he remembered how he met his fellow Jounin at the mission command's office and almost all of them were complaining how the village weren't giving them time to rest. It would seem that because of the Second Shinobi War, the village was accepting missions left and right to replace the profit that was lost from the war.

"What of Jiraiya?" Sakumo asked. He worked with Jiraiya before in a mission and even though he has his... uniqueness, he's a good teammate.

"He hoisted Minato on an trip to Takigakure," the Sandaime answered, "he said that there were strange sightings and he needed to investigate. It seems he needed Minato's output."

The White Fang nodded, "I see."

"I will summon you if I find a replacement for your teammates. We can't afford to postpone this mission," the Hokage told dismissed him and Sakumo respectfully bowed as he exited the office.

His mission hasn't even started yet and it already was a problem. 

Sakumo's intuition told him to prepare for the worse and if he overpacked for this mission and wrote his will, no one would know.

(He immediately clutched Kakashi at his chest when he got home and the younger grunted in surprise and told the younger Hatake that he needed a hug because Papa's feeling stressed.)

Naruto's morals for someone who grew up in a village that normized a child soldier was shocking. Maybe at the deepest darkest part of his mind, he really was crazy. That's why when he didn't feel guilty for poisoning someone, he asked Kurama about it.

'Should I be worried that I'm not guilty, dattebayo?' Naruto asked with a confused tone.

'Why should you?' The Kyuubi answered, 'I told you it was a bad idea because you might get harmed but when it turned out successful. The two shinobi were alive and you didn't kill them. So, kit, why would you feel guilty?'

(Naruto shouldn't always believe the Kyuubi because in the first place, morality wasn't also his best subject at school. But being the chibi that he was— he fully believed him.)

Naruto thought about what he did earlier and he wasn't really guilty about it. In his Genin days, he found out that he has an affinity for poison.

The way he found out about it was accidental.

You see, Team 7 was frustrated at the fact that Kakashi-sensei was so secretive with them. They didn't know anything about him aside from his name and his laziness and Naruto wondered outloud, when he was with Sasuke-teme and Sakura-chan, when his birthday was. They thought about it and they didn't want to ask Kakashi because they know that he would not answer them. So, Naruto suggested that they should just choose a random date and celebrate it. Surprisingly, it was Sasuke-teme who chose the date of it and Sakura told them that they should prepare a gift for him. 

As a child, Naruto took pranking as a part time job despite not really getting money for doing it and took planting as a hobby because it calms him down. Being the broke child that he was, he decided to give his sensei Mr. Ukki, a plant that Naruto personally grew, and he was certain that Sakura and Sasuke would surely give their sensei something expensive. So, Naruto decided that he also should cook for him because he felt like his gift wouldn't be enough for the gray-haired man. It turns out that he really shouldn't have bothered cooking because Kakashi-sensei said that Mr. Ukki would be enough and he would treasure it. Still, the Jinchuriki gave Kakashi what he prepared and Sakura-chan told their sensei that it would be rude to decline what Naruto made for him. 

Hours later, after lots of panicking from the three Genin, they were gathered next to Kakashi-sensei's hospital bed and when the man woke up, the first thing he said was that Naruto should never cook for someone. 

(He didn't know why his cooking was poisonous when he could eat it just fine. Years later, after that incident, Kurama explained that it was because he was subconsciously healing Naruto whenever he's eating what he cooked for himself. There's a reason why he always ate cup ramen and why he wasn't allowed cooking when they're at a mission.) 

He knew in himself that Sakumo-shiro's teammates wouldn't actually die from his food poisoning because Kakashi-sensei was the proof that they would survive. 

'Okay!' He just answered cheerfully and looked at Orochimaru.

"We should give Hokage-jiji some of these, 'ttebayo, he said he liked the breakfast you cooked for him yesterday and I'm sure he would also love ramen!" Even if Naruto didn't want to share his new father's ramen to anyone, he felt like he should atleast give Hokage-jiji a peace offering for his sudden act of poisoning two of his Jounins (even though he didn't know that it was Naruto who did it.)

"We would after you finished eating," Orochi-tou told him and gave him another serving of ramen.

(If in this time, Teuchi-san and Ayame-nee wouldn't be planning to build Ichiraku's, Naruto has a back up plan of making a ramen stand of their own. His Tou-san would be the chef and he would be his helper. It would be perfect!)

Orochimaru kneeled down to adjust the scarf at his son's (cue chest pain here) neck and gave a soft smile when the Uzumaki beamed at him. He adopted Naruto as his son but he didn't feel the need to change his name. Not only does he not have a surname because the Sannin didn't have a clan when his parents were still alive but he felt that Naruto was the embodiment of his name.

(His little Maelstrom.)

When he deemed Naruto presentable, he stood up and knocked at the Hokage's office door. He and his son (he really needs the opinion of a heart specialist) entered and the latter greeted the occupants of the room.

"Jiji! Tou-san made ramen and we packed some for you!" He greeted Sarutobi-sensei and looked at Hatake Sakumo, "Shiro! If I know you'll be here, we'll also make some for you, dattebayo!"

"It's fine, Naruto," Sakumo smiled and looked at Orochimaru who stood near him.

"Are we intruding?" The Sannin decided to ask after Naruto gave the bento box to his sensei. He noticed the deep frown the Sandaime wore when they entered.

Sarutobi-sensei regarded him for a second as Naruto decided to sit on his lap. Orochimaru saw Sakumo sigh and he thought that it must have been serious based on the expression on their faces.

"Watanabe Ki and Ito Ryuji were admitted earlier at the hospital for food poisoning," his sensei started, "they're in a stable condition but they won't be able to join Sakumo with their mission tomorrow. I haven't found a suitable Jounin for their replacement."

Even with the incomplete explanation, Orochimaru understood the hidden implication that the village couldn't afford to lose this mission. He didn't know the specifics and Sarutobi-sensei didn't give him enough details, because Naruto was with them, but the Snake Sannin knew that if he assigned it to Hatake Sakumo and to two Jounin— the mission would have been S-rank. The loss of this mission would either mean that it would endanger the village itself or its relationship with the neighboring hidden villages. Orochimaru was intelligent enough to know that in this case, it would be the latter. Relationship with other shinobi villages were delicate due to the recent boundary skirmishes.

"If you have no one, then I'll be willing to assist Sakumo," Orochimaru suggested and both Sandaime Hokage and the White Fang looked at him with hidden surprise. 

He didn't know what made him volunteer himself for a mission with this importance when he himself wasn't known for assisting someone on a mission. It's either he'd be the mission leader or he would take the mission alone. The only time he would take a mission that he wouldn't lead was when he was with his fellow Sannin, so he understood why both men reacted like that. What he wasn't expecting was for his son to look at him as if he turned off the sun or more exactly— he denied him of ramen privileges. 

Chapter Text

'Kit, I can't believe that things would turn out this way, I'm not supposed to be your moral compass,' Kurama complained and shuddered as he felt how wrong his statement was. Him guiding Naruto when it comes to this thing was just like stating Gai and Lee's atrocious outfit would be the next fashion trend. Meaning? It's not supposed to happen. 'You should stop what you're planning on doing.'

'Oh, yeah?' Naruto, being the irritatingly adorable child that he was, took his words as a challenge, 'watch me.'

'No, Naruto,' Kurama said as if he's scolding an unruly kit.

Naruto pouted, 'yes, Naruto!'

'NO.'

Kurama smiled smugly to himself when Naruto backed down and he knew he won this round.

(Naruto poisoning the Sannin? Not happening.) 

Lying his back on the bed and body covered with warm blankets, Naruto stopped counting ninkens to sleep when he suddenly heard soft padding of footsteps coming near him. He tilted his head to watch as the Sannin lifted the blankets and joined Naruto on the bed. The child immediately sauntered over to fit his small body next to his father's colder one (since he has a Bijuu inside of him, his body's like a small furnace, when he asked Kurama why that was, the Kyuubi just answered that there were things that should be left alone and not questioned).

"Are you done packing?" Naruto asked.

"Not yet, I'll finish it tomorrow," Orochimaru answered him and Naruto made a confused noise.

"But your mission's tomorrow, dattebayo. You have to finish packing your seals now so that you won't forget everything you'll need," Naruto reasoned out as he remembered Kakashi-sensei's lesson about packing before a mission out of the village. He said they all should do it before the day of the mission so every essential stuff they needed would be packed on their seals. Naruto thought that the lesson was important because he sometimes forget packing extra ramen. So, when he does the packing at night, he made sure to buy an excessive amount of cup ramen and pack it for the mission.

You wouldn't know how many emergency ramen you'd need afterall.

"I don't do overpacking unlike some shinobi," Orochimaru said in a flat voice, remembering a certain Sannin, and Naruto wasn't sure but he was slightly offended by it. "Besides, I noticed you couldn't sleep."

Oh. "Yeah," Naruto nodded his head, snuggling closer to his Tou-san (ha! He has one now that he could call a father in his mind and could proudly tell to anyone— he's adopted, sure, but Naruto didn't care.)

"Are you worried?" The Snake Sannin asked him and Naruto hummed as he felt his Orochi-tou started combing and patting his hair, "don't be, little fox."

"You will come back, right?" The Jinchuriki asked and he suddenly threw his hands againts his father and clutched at him tightly, "you need to come back, 'ttebayo."

"Of course, I will. I will always come back."

Naruto nodded his head against his Tou-san's neck and that's just the confirmation he needed. He would come back. He would.

He wouldn't leave Naruto.

(He wouldn't.)

It was a beautiful day.

The sun was shining high in the sky. The birds were singing. Shinobi could be seen running above the roofs, doing their ninja business. The Hidden Village of the Leaf was bustling like normal. It was a very beautiful day, but the perpetually sunny expression on Naruto's face was absent, it was not beautiful. 

Kakashi already knew that he would have a very long, long week.

(He dearly hoped that his Papa's mission would not last that long when it's just the first day and Naruto's already frowning.)

The little Hatake let the silence envelope their duo as they diligently walked towards their destination. He couldn't believe that his father had the gall to call a babysitter for him when he could take care of himself, thank you very much, and he didn't need a babysitter. But when Sakumo explained that Naruto would also be alone at Orochimaru's house, the blond would surely feel lonely by himself. So, as the dutiful shinobi that he was— willing to help others in need just like what his father taught him— he relented at Sakumo's request and joined the Uzumaki on having a babysitter.

So, here they were now, walking towards the house of their babysitter as Sakumo thought that it would be best if they stayed at the sitter's house and not at the wide and empty traditional house. His father told him and Naruto that it would be just like a sleepover, it would be fun.

(Sometimes Kakashi wondered how his father's brain works. Since Naruto came, the man turned— dare he say it— childlike. The changes were very little and subtle, if you would look at him, you wouldn't notice it but Kakashi started observing his father ever since he let a stray Uzumaki entered their house and called them horrible nicknames, so he knew that the man was starting to change in very small ways.)

(He didn't know if his father was always like that and Kakashi's just started noticing it.)

(He loved it though.)

(Especially the hugs.)

(Hmm, he loved the hugs.)

Kakashi stopped his blasphemous thoughts when he heard the smaller boy next to him heaved a deep sigh as if he's carrying the weight of the whole Nation in his shoulders. They stopped walking once they reached their sitter's front door and Kakashi couldn't take the endless sighing anymore. 

"Naruto if you take another sigh, I will not let you train throwing kunai with me anymore," Kakashi lightly threatened.

"How pre-pa... preto— prespo—"

"Preposterous," Kakashi supplied.

"How preposterous, dattebayo!" Naruto exclaimed, "you said you would take me to the Academy tomorrow to train! Shame on you..."

"Then stop worring about your Tou-san," the Hatake stated, "they will be fine. Your Tou-san's a Sannin and Papa's the White Fang. Do you know the people who would willingly face them in a battle are called?"

"What?"

"Dumb. They're called dumb and dumb people never last long on a battle," Kakashi answered and Naruto had a sudden epiphany.

(Kakashi-sensei always called him an idiot but never ever used the word dumb. Naruto's an idiot and not dumb because "dumb people always die first on a battle." It's a logic that the Team 7 always held on whenever they're on a mission and it always work— much to the gratitude of Sasuke-teme that he didn't die surrounded by dumb people. Normal people might not understand how Team Seven's logic works, it really just makes no sense, but hearing that words on the lips of his chibi-sensei now, it was the last straw to put Naruto at ease.)

Kakashi watched as Naruto's face turned on its sunny switch on and grinned at him, "uhn! They'll be fine!"

The smaller Hatake observed the younger boy's face and when he was nearly blinded by the brilliant grin, he knew that Naruto's alright now. He nodded to himself and he smiled back at the blond child, not knowing that he did the infamous the eye-smile his big version always wore.

"You... You two are so cute!"

Hands suddenly grabbed the two boy's body and a warm body encased the both of them. Kakashi was immediately assaulted by the smell of jasmine, ink and... Ramen?

He heard Naruto wheezing at his side and he could also feel the absence of oxygen on his lungs, so he frantically tapped the young woman's arms, "you're killing us."

The young woman let them go with a squeal delighted squeal. Oh no. No, no, no, no! Has Kami-sama finally abandoned him at the age of six? Was this heaven's divine retribution for his sin of enjoying watching others lament over the mystery of his mask?

Just why.

Why?

Of all the available babysitters in the village, why would it be her? 

"I'm Uzumaki Kushina and I'd be your babysitter until your fathers came back! It's an official mission I took up, dattebane!" The red-haired Uzumaki introduced herself and Kakashi felt dread at the meaning of her words.

"Aren't you a Chunin? Why would you take babysitting for an official mission when that's supposed to be a D-rank?" Kakashi asked.

"Because I can and I want to," Kushina proudly answered. "So, you two should call me Kushina-nee!" 

"Kushina-nee!" The blond Uzumaki excitedly parroted and that made him receive another one of those bone crushing hugs.

Kakashi let his self-preservation do its job and stayed silent. He watched Naruto be smothered with hugs and he couldn't just imagine how he would survive surrounded with both over-enthusiastic Uzumaki at all times.

One was enough, two would be an overkill.

Just like sleepover, he said. 

It would be fun, he said. 

If Naruto petitioned for a child's right to adopt a parent, could Kakashi write a petition for a child's right to disown a parent? 

Chapter Text

Uzumaki Kushina was— one word— amazing. Naruto had never imagined that his Kaa-chan turned Kushina-nee would be this wonderful of a young woman.

"How are the both of you still alive?" Tiny-sensei asked in a blank voice, eyes devoid of life as he stared at the two Uzumaki that has been inhaling instant ramen for the past thirty minutes— stacking each empty cup at their sides that would determine who would win at this sudden eating competition.

"Next one!" Kushina-nee yelled after finishing a cup and turning to her right to look at the remaining cup ramen and a crestfallen expression befell her face as she found it empty.

"I won!" Naruto cheered to himself after he finished his and found out that he has eaten more than the older Uzumaki.

"That's unfair, 'ttebane!" Kushina-nee complained, "I'm not even full yet, you're just faster at eating than me. This won't determine the Ramen King!"

Naruto let a smug smirk replace his giddy expression as he crossed his arms in his chest, "that's three to two with me at the top, I'm the Ramen King, Uzumaki Naruto, dattebayo!"

He stared at his mother turned sister (that was kind of a weird thing to think, now that he thought of it but— oh well) until she relented and she nodded happily at him.

"Hurrah for the Ramen King!" The red-haired Uzumaki cheered.

"Hurrah!" Naruto toned, wiggling a little as he did his victory dance.

"Huzzah for the Ramen King!" 

"Huzzah!" Naruto once again yelled and the two Uzumaki bursted out laughing like a pair of deranged lunatic that has seen society for the first time after years of isolation. 

They'd been having eating competition ever since yesterday to determine who would be the Ramen King between the two Uzumaki and it made Naruto felt smug that Kushina-nee finally gave him the title of it. Naruto was so excited to find out that Kushina would be their babysitter because finally, he would have the time to bond with her and the experience didn't disappoint his younger self's imagination on what it would feel like to be with his mother. Sure, their relationship at this point weren't mother and son considering that she was still a teenager, young and she didn't bear him at her tummy and she didn't know that technically, she's his son, but still— sharing a bond with Uzumaki Kushina was an unforgettable experience for Naruto. She's beautiful, smart, funny and just like him, she loves ramen too! Naruto was so thrilled when he found out that he shared the same love of ramen with thw older Uzumaki and he immediately challenged her on a competition.

"Can we go now? At this rate I'd be late for school and that would be very unbecoming," the tiny Hatake said.

Naruto stared at his friend for a second and he hit his fist at the top of his palm as a sudden epiphany came over him at the gray-haired boy's words, "oh, yeah! You're taking me to the Academy today, dattebayo!"

"I won't take you if we don't leave now."

"What are we waiting for then?!" The red-haired young woman excitedly yelled, grabbing the two children and tucking each child in her armpit, "to the Academy!"

"To the Academy!" Naruto mimicked and raised a fist as if he's going to fly.

"Stop carrying me!" Tiny-sensei complained in a high tone but the two insane Uzumaki ignored him.

Kakashi resigned to his fate and ask the heavens above what did he do in his past life to deserve this. 

(He didn't think that he kick puppies and bully kittens for a hobby in his past life because that would be the ultimate form of evil.)

Meanwhile, Naruto was having the time of his life, listening to Kushina-nee as she chattered endlessly about her Academy days.

Naruto remembered now why he hated the Academy. 

When they entered the premise of the school and after reassuring Kushina-nee that the both of them would be alright and they would be fine without her guidance for the day (Tiny-sensei grumbled something here that suspiciously sounded like: "not that you aren't a living and breathing child hazard,") they entered Kakashi's classroom. Naruto didn't know if he would be allowed to be with Kakashi's class because he wasn't their classmate but Kakashi told his plan to his father and Sakumo already asked the Hokage-jiji to make a form for him to allow him to be with the class. He wouldn't technically be a student yet (because he's not enrolled and for that he would need to take an exam) but he would be allowed to be with the class for a day. Kakashi gave the permission slip to his teacher and they both entered the class. Naruto didn't have the luxury to identify familiar faces because he was instantly whisked away by Tiny-sensei and dragged to sit next to him. 

As he grimly next to Kakashi and listen to the sensei as he discussed something about theories or whatever that was making him feel sleepy, he remembered that he used to hate the Academy. It's not that he hated it because he didn't get to graduate two times in a row or because everyone was constantly ignoring him and the only reason that they would take notice of him would be for him to prank them to feel that 'yes, he's also here and can they please stop ignoring me because it hurts?' No. That's not his reason. Well... Some of that was the reason why he hated school but the main cause was that he understood nothing of what the teachers were teaching.

Ero-sennin and Kakashi-sensei told him that he learned best by experiencing what he should be learning and not by sitting down and listening to long, boring lectures. He also thought that it was because he couldn't read and write well when he was a child. The only one who bothered teaching him to read and write was Hokage-jiji but even him didn't exactly understood the extent of how hard it was for him to comprehend letters. His past teacher would tell him how lazy and stupid he was because he couldn't understand simple mathematical problem and even reading basic words. He got so frustrated by this that he gave up with it, that was until Iruka-sensei noticed this and patiently told him that he would be willing to teach Naruto if he would let him.

Iruka-sensei told him that he had something called dis-lek-see-uh and he's not stupid for having it. It took them a long time for Naruto to improve his relationship with numbers and letters that by the time he was first learning Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, it only took him fifteen minutes to read the first paragraph and he just followed the drawn hand movements to learn the Jutsu. And when he was reading Ero-sennin's 'Tales of a Gutsy Ninja', he managed to finish it without being frustrated at himself. It also helped that when Ero-sennin found out about his dis-lek-see-uh, he convinced Naruto to proofread and edit all his books (sure, Icha Icha wasn't supposed to be used as a practicing book for reading but hey, it sure did help him!)

(And when he was writing his petition form for Hokage-jiji, he was proud to say that it wasn't hard for him to do at all.)

(His dis-lek-see-uh was also the reason why Ero-sennin gave up on teaching him Fuinjutsu. Because if he has a hard time understanding basic letter, it would be a torture for him to learn sealing.) 

Long story short, Naruto's having a headache looking at the squiggles written in the board. With how fast the Sensei was at writing things at the board and how slow he was at his talking, the chibi Uzumaki wasn't having a great time.

"You're frowning," Tiny-sensei whispered to him without breaking his eye contact at the discussion in front of them, "is there something wrong."

If the whiskered Uzumaki didn't know his sensei well, he wouldn't see the concern hiding behind those blank eyes of his seatmate.

Naruto pouted and crossed his arms, "I'm bored," he almost whined. He's not hiding his learning disabilities because he's ashamed of it but he wouldn't tell it to Kakashi now. He's pretty sure that if he did, Tiny-sensei would whisk him away from here and help him instead. And he didn't want that. He wanted Kakashi to help him improve his kunai throwing abilities (because at this age and body, he's shit at it) and he would just tell it to him some other day.

And, he's really bored. So, that's that. 

Tiny-sensei eyed him, estimating the truth of his words and when seconds passed and he realized that Naruto was telling him the truth, "endure it for another minute, Sensei will be ending his discussion now. And the next class will be physical assessment. I'm not required to join them because I already aced the subject and I'll be helping you with your throws instead."

Naruto looked at his friend brotherbrotherbrotherbrother as if he hung the stars, "you're so cool, 'ttebayo!"

At his excitement that Tiny-sensei and him would be bonding, Naruto forgot that he should've probably scanned Kakashi's teammates for familiar faces. He was bouncing at his step as he followed the white-haired child at the empty target range after Tiny-sensei told the teacher that they would be practicing there and he gave them kunais to use.

They stopped fifteen feet in front of a target and Kakashi lend him a sharp kunai to use.

"Hold it. Aim. Throw."

And there goes the kunai sailing through the air, hitting the dead center of the target.

Naruto looked blankly at the kunai embedded in the target then to Kakashi and he repeated the cycle until his friend understood what he meant. 

"Oh," Tiny-sensei said.

"Yeah, oh, dattebayo," Naruto told him, nodding to himself as he positioned himself— mimicking how Kakashi did it earlier to show to the white-haired child that he wouldn't be able to do it with just that, "I'm not a genius like you, Tiny-sensei. This would just—"

Thunk. 

Naruto's jaw dropped and his eyes widened as he saw his kunai hitting the outline of the center of the target.

Silence.

Silence blanketed the two child. Naruto silently freaking out because what the hell just happened! That shouldn't even be possible because Naruto knew in himself that he's shit at using weapons. And Kakashi wondering if maybe the blond Uzumaki next to him was someone just like him. More boisterous and energetic but still, like him.

And the silence wouldn't even break until a loud voice was heard.

"HOW INSPIRING!" A voice exclaimed— no, boomed... A voice boomed and thunderous footsteps ran towards them, "THE SPRING OF YOUTH FINALLY BLOSSOMING US WITH ITS BEAUTY!"

Both boys swiveled back to stare at the newcomer and stars sparkled in Naruto's eyes as he stared at the child with red scarf in his neck, green sleeveless jumpsuit, black hair and white teeth shining under the influence of the sun. The true image of—

"YOUTH! DATTEBAYO!" Naruto boomed and laughed like a mad man— happiness enveloping him at the sight of a young Maito Gai.

"YOUTH!" Bushy-brow agreed and joined Naruto in his Nice Guy Pose.

"Oh, no," Kakashi whimpered with horror in his voice. "No..." 

(Kakashi finally believed in Kami. And if they exist, they were having a great time laughing at him.) 

Chapter Text

In Naruto's future-past, there wasn't any information regarding the mission Sakumo took that others believed was the starting ember of the Third Shinobi War (if it really was or wasn't, nobody knows aside from some individuals that chose to obscure the details of the mission). But in this timeline precisely, Sakumo and Orochimaru's mission would rang throughout Elemental Nations as an event that no one would ever forget, even if the names of said S-Rank shinobi were completely hidden from that event.

Why, might you ask, did it turn unforgettable? 

Let's just say that Orochimaru and Sakumo's mission did not fail in the way that some were hoping for. It did not even succeeded.

But it sure did ended with a bang.

An spectacular bang that involved lots and lots of glitters and structural damage not even the likes of Tsunade could re-create. 

But before discussing about the ending, why not start in the beginning of this shit?

Orochimaru, or Mizuki as his alias for the mission, tightened the purple scarf in his neck after reaching the destination of their mission as he and Sakumo smiled at the shinobi guarding the entrance to the village of Kiri.

"Honeymoon?" The shinobi with Kirigakure's hitai-ate tied at his neck asked and eyed the two of them.

Sakumo, or his alias Shiro (for some reason, he didn't bother to think of a name and just used Naruto's nickname for him), nodded bashfully, "yep! We just had our wedding last week!"

"Kiri's not a place one should think of when thinking of honeymoon," the other gate guard pondered and there's a suspicious lilt in his tone.

"Oh! My husband and I are planning to visit your beaches and exhibits to see for ourselves why Kiri's famous for their deep see sharks," Sakumo reasoned out. He pulled a paper from his coat and handed it to the two shinobi, "we even have a permission from the Daimyo to come visit here because after our honeymoon, we will have a summit at the Land of Water's Capital to talk about our research and findings to aspiring young scientists."

"Oh," the gate guard said, inspecting their permit and seeing the Daimyo's seal, he handed them entrance registrations for their village, "looks legit."

Orochimaru filled up his papers and when he and Sakumo finished, they gave it back to the guarding shinobi. 

"Welcome to Kirigakure! And congrats on the wedding..." he trailed off, reading their shared surnames, "Mr. and Mr. Inu."

"Thank you," Orochimaru demurely replied and tugged his husband— Sakumo— to enter the village. Sakumo stuttered a goodbye.

After few minutes of walking, trying to look scholarly and as tourist-y as possible, Orochimaru spoke, adjusting his hold at Sakumo's waist.

"That worked," he commented, shaking his head no at the vendor that offered him a jewelry.

"Why did that even worked?" Sakumo asked, clearly baffled as to how the hell their excuses for entering Kirigakure even worked.

The mission detailed that it would be hard for them to enter the village as there were rumors of conflict inside the village. While they were traveling, Sakumo was thinking of ways on how to infiltrate the village seeing that he and Orochimaru were both famous with their contribution at the Second Shinobi War. Then, lo and behold, Orochimaru suggested that they entered the village using the front gates, disguising as married scientists wanting to study Kiri's marine biology and ecosystem. At first, Sakumo was hesitant to agree because he knew that it wouldn't work because shinobi gate guards were trained to distinguish between real tourists from shinobi trying to infiltrate their village, but when Orochimaru revealed the content of one of his scrolls, Sakumo agreed.

Who would've think that the Snake Sannin was an expert at make up and costume design?

When Orochimaru was finished 'fixing' his new look, Sakumo couldn't even recognize himself.

(The man was brilliant and unconventional. Sakumo smiled at this thought.)

Orochimaru just told him to act like an excitable and lovable husband and no one would suspect a thing from them.

("Why do we have to be married husbands?" Sakumo asked, a bit curious on the Sannin's reasons. 

"Because if they will not let us in, it will answer my pondering whether Kiri's full of homophobic people." Orochimaru answered seriously. 

Sakumo outwardly smiled and thought, 'what the hell?') 

And it worked. 

(Sakumo was used to assassination missions, blending with the dark and all that shit and its his first time trying this method of infiltrating and he's damn impressed with its simplicity.)

(What Naruto said was true, some genius do not have common sense. Sadly, sometimes Sakumo belonged to that category.)

"When you have a pervert and a gambler for a teammate, you would learn how to hide in plain sight," the Sannin answered, fussing .

Sakumo smiled at him and they entered the first hotel they saw. They aquired a honeymoon suite— to add to the authenticity of their cover— and immediately went to the marine exhibit the lady at the reception told them to visit.

Sakumo and Orochimaru acted like how people expected a newly married couple act like, while still maintaining the senses a shinobi in a deadly mission should have. 

As a three-week mission, Sakumo and Orochimaru haven't yet talked on the details of how they would execute their real purpose at Kirigakure but it seems, Lady Luck was at their sides this time when Sakumo swiveled his head to stare at the yelling he heard and found the heiress of the Kaguya Clan.

Kaguya Kimi. The daughter of their would-be victim.

The woman was wearing a white yukata with sakura petals swirling at the hem of the sleeves, a pink obi tied at her waist, brown long hair tied in an intricate bun and burgundy marks dotting her face atop her eyebrows— displaying the markings of Kaguya Clan. Sakumo thought that the woman was of beauty but only if her face wasn't wrinkled up in an expression of anger.

"You disgusting animal! How many times do I have to tell you not to follow me?!" The woman yelled.

"But, Kimi-sama, your father—"

"I do not care what my father said! I told him not to accept you when your parents died because of how disgusting you look! Ugh!" Kaguya Kimi released a huff of frustration and pushed the child she's yelling at near the shark tank. "Why don't you live in that tank with those sharks? You look like them, surely you can live with them."

And with those derogatory words, she walked out of the observatory, yelling at the people she's with to ignore the child or else she'd fire them.

Sakumo stared at the gangly looking child. He had a distinctive shark-like appearance, complete with pale and bluish gray skin complexion. He has small, round, white eyes, three sets of curved facial markings under his eyes and when he opened his mouth to mumble something at his breath, Sakumo caught a glimpse of sharp triangular teeth. He thought back on Kaguya Kimi's words and he couldn't help but agree that he looked like a shark but still, her words were uncalled for. Especially for a child.

(Something sharp pricked at Sakumo's chest when the child clutched at the hem of his oversized shirt— looking as if he's trying to control the emotions he's feeling.) 

(He couldn't help but think that if it was Kakashi in this child's position, Sakumo would gladly carve the heart out of someone who dared to belittle his child.) 

Before he knew it, Orochimaru— or Mizuki— was already at the child's side. Staring deeply at the boy.

Sakumo's eyes widened when he looked at Orochimaru's expression. He may not believe in the village rumors but Sakumo knew that as much as Orochimaru was a loyal shinobi of Konoha, he was also a scientist. And the glint in his eyes, spell trouble.

(He remembered a story that Jiraiya once told him, something about a subject that deeply fascinated the Snake Sannin that even the sounds of raging war couldn't stop his curiosity of pursuing it.)

(Jiraiya told him that it almost resulted in Tsunade amputating Orochimaru if he wouldn't stop his fascination at wanting to dissect Hanzo the Salamander.)

He just hoped that Orochimaru did not want to dissect this child. Because first; that would be unethical and Sakumo wouldn't let him, second; this was a child they're talking about and third; they're in the middle of their mission for Kami's sake!

"Can you breathe underwater?" The Snake Sannin asked the child, placing a hand in his cheeks while thinking deeply, "do you have gills?"

The child, who Sakumo now knew to not have a self-preservation, nodded. "Yeah, I can and I do. Kimi-sama told me that it was because I'm an animal."

Sakumo winced at the child's words.

Orochimaru hummed, "I'm Mizuki and that's my husband, Shiro. What's your name?"

"Hoshigaki Kisame," he grinned full of sharp teeth.

Sakumo didn't know it yet, but at this very moment, the details of their mission were starting to crumble apart. Because Hoshigaki Kisame would play a huge role at the glittery ending of this Kami forsaken mission.

(But if only Sakumo knew his fate at the future-past, he would gladly accept the shit that happened in this one.)

Chapter Text

The mission entails in simpler words:

• Infiltrate Kirigakure
• Observe the Kaguya Clan
• Assassinate the Clan Head, Kaguya Kirihito, before the Clan's possible coup d'etat
• Finish the mission without being seen, heard or sensed

Those were the details of the mission in layman's terms.

Yes, it's an assassination job but as to why it may or may not start a war and break the silent treaty between Kirigakure and Konohagakure, the reason for that was because Kaguya Kirihito was one of the possible Yondaime Mizukage candidates and the Clan was one of the most influential clans inside the village— it would be most comparable to the status of the Hyuuga's of Konoha.

The mission almost looked like a suicide mission because not only were they tasked to infiltrate Kiri when the village was already in an unrest, but also, assassinating Kaguya Kirihito would be next to impossible especially if the rumors of his and his clan's plan to revolt were true, meaning, the Clan would be in a state of constant paranoia. Sakumo and Orochimaru didn't know who supplied the information for the Clan's possible revolt and neither of them asked as to who was their client. They didn't even know why the Hokage would sanction a mission like this, risking the lives of the shinobi tasked for the job and therefore, may risk the safety of Konoha if they were found out.

(Neither of them bothered to ask the why's of the mission because they're both fuckton loyal to Konoha and would never question their Hokage.) 

(And now that Sakumo thought about it, when their mission was done, it would possibly prevent an incoming coup d'etat for Kiri.) 

(Why would Konoha help Kiri?) 

(What's the point of sending a Konoha shinobi for the sake of Kiri?) 

It wasn't the hardest mission Sakumo or Orochimaru has ever taken but the circumstances surrounding it made it complicated.

Especially now that there's another variable added to their mission. Namely: Orochimaru's sudden interest at Hoshigaki Kisame.

"But my hair's natural," Kisame pointed out, while chewing the barbecue Sakumo gave him.

"Swallow before you talk," the Sannin said, handing the child a glass of water and running a hand through Kisame's hair, "its just a wonder that despite your mutation, you still have a natural hair atop your head. Sharks do not have hair because they are not mammals, they have tough scales to cover up their body and when I touched your arm earlier, your skin has a rubbery feel to it and you have gills on your shoulders, I believe you can survive underwater because of that characteristics. Sharks are jawed vertebrates, they are classified as chondrichthyes. You said earlier that your skeletal system is made up of bone and not cartilages so despite your mutation, you are still very human-like. And your sharp teeth makes you more of a carnivore, instead of an omnivore. I have seen animal mutations on a human before and yours is the most developed. You are fascinating child, Kisame."

"Wow, no one has every told me of that before. Thanks, I guess, Inu-san," Kisame replied with a sharp grin. He stayed quiet for a second before asking, "does that mean I should only eat meat?" 

"Just call me, Mizuki," the Sannin tilted his head, drawing his hands back and placing cooked meat on Kisame's plate, "you should still eat vegetables and fruits, though. You are still human and your body requires certain minerals and vitamins that meat won't provide."

Kisame stared at Orochimaru, "you're a very strange man, Mizuki-san." He bluntly stated.

"I know," said the strange man.

"Why are you here at Kiri?"

As Orochimaru repeated their cover-up reason for why they were visiting the village, Sakumo couldn't help but sweat drop at this situation.

Orochimaru and Kisame got along, very, very well. Sakumo thought that Kisame would be offended when Orochimaru started asking questions about his appearance but he was pleasantly surprised when the child wasn't offended at all and he seemed to like what Orochimaru was telling him about his mutations. It got to a point that the two didn't notice that the exhibit was about to close and the sun was already gone at the sky. Meaning, they missed lunch and if possible, Sakumo wouldn't like to miss dinner too. So, he invited Kisame to join the both of them for a meal because he knew that there was no chance of separating Orochimaru and Kisame if the Sannin was still unsatisfied at his curiousity of the child. 

Sakumo, like the good husband he should be, was just listening to their conversations while cooking meat at the barbecue place Orochimaru decided they should eat at. He chewed a grilled potato and placed meat on Orochimaru and Kisame's plate. The two, still busy with their talking.

The White Fang sighed.

"You're working at the Kaguya Clan?"

Orochimaru's inquiry brought out Sakumo from his musings and he eyed Kisame as he nodded.

"Yeah," the child answered, "my mother used to work for Kirihito-sama before and after she died, Kirihito-sama made me work for them and assigned me to be his daughter's handman. Kimi-sama said she hated my face and if given a chance, she will feed me to the sharks despite my ties with them."

Sakumo furrowed his eyebrows, "that's not nice of her." And he absentmindedly thumbed the bottom of Orochimaru's lips to wipe the stray sauce the barbecue meat left in there. 

"The Kaguya are not nice, Shiro-san." Kisame started watching them with a strange look, "they are a clan of bloodthirsty and power hungry idiots and I heard yesterday from Kimi-sama that after they cleansed the village from its impurities— whatever that means— they will be standing on the top of the system."

Sakumo thanked whatever gods out there that he had the mind to activate few privacy seals at their table. Kisame's a very blunt and brutally honest child. He had no self-preservation whatsoever and he also didn't possess a mouth filter.

(Kisame reminded him of Kakashi when he was younger and would blurt out whatever the hell's on his mind. Thankfully, he managed to train Kakashi out of it and lessen the bluntness of his words even though sometimes, Kakashi's filters malfunctioned when he's irate and grumpy. Sakumo prayed Kisame's honesty would not backfire to him someday.)

"Impurities means something that is impure. Impure is unclean or something that is foul. Meaning, Kirihito-sama's planning to kill everyone he sees as unclean," the Snake Sannin explained for him.

The white-haired Hatake really wondered how Orochimaru's mind works and why he prioritized Kisame's confusion at the meaning of the word impurities.

Sakumo worriedly stared at the child, "aren't you worried that if the Clan Head accomplished his plans for the village, you'll be in the middle of it?"

Kisame took a drink and contemplated his words. He shook his head.

"Nah. To be honest," he had so much honesty already! "Kiri could burn for all I care. Don't get me wrong, I'm loyal to my village. This is where I grew up. But I'm not dumb, I can see that the citizens aren't happy with how the Sandaime Mizukage ran the village and Kiri's really prejudiced. The normal population do not agree with the shinobi clans' arrogance with their kekkai genkai and the clans do not like associating with the normal people. I'm not really surprised that the Kaguya are planning to kill those they see as unclean because they're a bunch of arrogant pussies with stick up their asses! And oh, I heard from Kirihito-sama that some factions are petitioning for the Mizukage to purge bloodlines. Years or months from now, Kiri will be involved in a civil war. After I graduate from the Academy, I will probably escape from this shit hole and their caste system!"

(Brain to mouth filter! Could somebody give this child that?!) 

A curse escaped Sakumo's mouth. Kiri's situation was worst than he thought. He looked at Orochimaru and saw him already staring back at him with a smile.

"Darling, what are you thinking?" Sakumo asked, a nervous smile playing in his lips. The smile on Orochimaru's lips screamed of danger and shit that he wouldn't even think of.

Instead of answering him, the Sannin tilted his head at Kisame, "say, Kisame, how would you like to be part of a plan to kill Kirihito-sama?"

Kisame's eyes widen, "where can I register?"

(Sakumo's mind was swirling with thousanda of thoughts but the most prominent one was: 'what the fuck have I gotten myself in?!')

(He almost missed Naruto's brand chaos.)

('I wonder if Kakashi's having fun with his sleepover with Naruto.')

Chapter Text

Sakumo wondered when his life had slowly turned into a gag manga. 

As he stared at the grinning Kisame, blood splattering his face and his body, a sadistic glint in his eyes while a strange creature was happily purring at his side, Sakumo didn't know whether to cry or to applaud the child.

"Can you please repeat that, Kisame-kun?" Sakumo asked.

"His head exploded!"

"His head what now?" Sakumo clarified, surely he heard that wrong? 

"Exploded!" Kisame happily supplied and gestured his hands— immitating an explosion, "Kirihito-sama's head exploded and it was awesome!"

Uhm, no. He heard that right. And yeah, he didn't understand how that happened. 

"Kisame-kun, can you please explain how that happened? I think you missed a whole lot of explanation there." The White Fang massaged his temple, trying to subdue an incoming headache.

Kisame nodded and started his tale. 

Kisame knew that something was suspicious in the couple that approached him. But when they treated him for dinner, his suspicions were already gone, especially when they told him they were to assassinate the Kaguya Clan Head, Kirihito-sama, he volunteered. And to his glee, Mizuki-san agreed even when Shiro-san tried to argue at first.

"You shouldn't worry, Shiro-san," Kisame tried placating the kind man, "it's practically tradition for us that before we graduate the Academy, we should already have our first kill. It's just luck that mine's going to be a Kiri Clan Head but eh..."

He certainly didn't look placated at all and Shiro-san was about to speak when Mizuki-san finished ransacking his scroll and handed him papers. Kisame curiously looked at the paper and saw... gibberish squiggles. What's this now?

"We're not asking you to assassinate Kirihito-sama, Kisame," Mizuki plainly stated as if they were talking about the weather outside, "what I want you to do is sneakily place that seal inside Kirihito-sama's robes and we will finish the job."

"Seal? What does this do?" Kisame asked.

"If activated with a small amount of chakra, it messes chakra coils and in the span of two days, Kirihito-sama will be unable to perform any jutsu. Thus, if we were to assassinate him, it will be very hard for him to fight us." Mizuki-san explained, "so, before you stick this in Kirihito-sama, you should prickle your blood first in the paper and the seal will slowly absorb the chakra in your blood as it activates. If your blood was already in the seal, no one can unstick it."

"Cool," the blue-skinned child quipped.

"I have never heard of a seal like that," Shiro-san said and furrowed his eyebrows while looking at his husband.

"Oh, I made that," Shiro-san answered, "technically, I'm still in the process of experimentation but it will work and do its job."

"Oh, and if, only if, things won't turn out your way and you need to escape, activate these as a smokescreen and a flashbang, it will give you an ample amount of time to run for safety," Mizuki-san said and gave him ten pieces of sealing paper, five smokescreen and five for flashbang. He also gave him two of those chakra disruptors. Kisame nodded gratefully and thanked the man. 

As they bid from each other, Shiro-san telling him to meet them tomorrow at the marine exhibits to report whether he failed or succeeded with the job they gave him, Kisame excitedly skipped towards the Kaguya Clan Compound. The guards greeted him with a stink eye and Kisame ignored them because Kirihito-sama's aide told him he was summoned by the Clan Head.

"You called for me, Kirihito-sama?" Kisame greeted.

The man with short spiky white hair and pale skin looked at him, as if assessing him.

"You weren't with Kimi when she got home," Kaguya Kirihito stated. "You failed guarding her." 

Kisame gritted his teeth as he remembered Kimi-sama's words to him earlier, "I'm sorry, Kirihito-sama."

The man continued staring at him with blank hateful eyes and Kisame almost fidgeted but remembered that Shiro-san and Mizuki-san would kill this man and he didn't care if it's for him or for their own gain. He's just thankful that this snooty man would die.

"There would be a Council meeting toomorrow and I want you there with me as we discuss our plans about purging those of without a clan but has a Kekkei Genkai and what we're about to do with your kind," the man spat out.

The child just nooded in acquiescence and went to go to his room, clutching the sealing papers in his pocket.

As the sun rose, he went to Kirihito-sama's office and discreetly placed a paper inside the man's outer robes where he wouldn't see it. He was greeted by an insult by the Kaguya Clan Head and they went their ways to the Mizukage's office. The other Clan Heads were already there, even the Mizukage and they started the meeting when Kirihito-sama came.

For fifteen minutes, the discussion made Kisame's stomach churn as he listened about the plan for purging. He couldn't stop the scowl on his face when a man from the Seven Ninja Swordmen of the Mist suggested that they all should be skinned to death, he even volunteered himself to do it. Kirihito-sama agreed and so were the others. Kisame thought that Kirihito-sama's a damn bitch hypocrite, telling others that they should all kill those with bloodline but not belonging to a major shinobi clan when the Kaguya Clan were already planning for a revolt because bloodline users even those belonging of a clan were looked down by some parts of the higher caste system of Kiri. The merchants and scholars were looking down upon the 'disgusting' mutation of the Kekkei Genkai users.

Kisame ignored the discussion as it turned bloodier and bloodier from there and observed Kirihito-sama instead. He knew that the seal would not immediately took effect but he wondered if the chakra from his blood was already absorbed by the paper and it was already starting to activate. Kisame wondered if he would now if it did.

As he observed the snooty bitch, Kisame noticed that the man was starting to have red blotches (like rashes) in his pale face. The Terumi Clan Head, who's the only one arguing about the morality of their discussion, also noticed this and asked Kirihito-sama about it. The man was about to answer when they all heard a loud pop.

Kisame stared. 

All the Clan Head stared. 

Mizukage-sama was staring.

Kirihito-sama's head just exploded in a rain of blood and brain.

(What the fuck?) 

(What the actual fuck?) 

Out of all the people in the room, Kisame was the most affected by the rain of gore because he was just standing near Kirihito-sama.

He could feel some heavy slime of brain hit his face and he watched with glee as a single eye hit Mizukage-sama in the face.

Shit went down and all shinobi personnel inside the room turned to their battle instinct and formed a stance away from the exploded mess of what once was the Kaguya Clan Head. 

"What's the meaning of this?!" Mizukage-sama bellowed and this was Kisame's first time witnessing the man showed a reaction aside from his placidness— his impecable shiny black hair was a mess as bits and pieces from Kirihito-sama's head clung to it.

"Who did this?" Terumi-sama asked, looking at the remains of the Kaguya Clan Head.

Kisame knew that he would either regret this or cackle at the ingenuity of his plan but he couldn't stop himself, "I did."

As he just admitted what he did to the seasoned shinobi that surrounded him, Kisame threw a seal of flashbang and made escape. He also couldn't stop the urge to stick a seal to the unprepared Mizukage-sama's forehead. His ANBU scrambled to protect him when they got their bearings from the surprise attack but it was already too late. Kisame knew shit about Fuuinjutsu sealing but he just thanked it that bigger amount of blood means faster in absorption for Mizuki-san's seal, Kami thanked the heavens that he was already covered with the Kaguya Clan Head's blood— making it easier for him to activate his seal.

Everyone was left with ringing ears and teary eyes from the flashbang but they could all just watch from stupefaction as the Mizukage's head exploded— much like what had happened earlier to Kaguya Kirihito.

And for this time, Kisame really did make his escape. Activating and throwing all the seals Mizuki-san gave him, he ran past everyone. And as some of the seals activated, he dodge the grabby hands of the ANBU and stick those head exploding seals to them, making them scramble away from him. Kisame use the unnamed member of the Seven Swordsman as a stepping stone and jumped from the Mizukage's window. Something heavy attached to his side and Kisame ignored it in favor of his bolting out. Sounds of flashbang activating and coughing from the smokescreen made by the Clan Heads were the music to his escape.

He hoped Mizuki-san and Shiro-san were already waiting for him at the marine exhibit because they need to get out of Kirigakure. Pronto.

(Some part of his mind wondered why out of the remaining nine pieces of sealing paper, only five were activated.)

(Why didn't those four seals activated?)

"We need to get out, now," Sakumo said just as Kisame finished with his tale.

Orochimaru nodded with agreement and scooped up Kisame, and the creature attached at his side, in his arms as they vanished in a Shunshin no Jutsu— making them reappear inside their hotel room. They immediately packed their bags, to leave no evidence of their existence here, and ran the hell away from Kirigakure before hunter nins and the ANBU started hunting for them and for Kisame who they all witnesses killing a Clan Head and their Kage in cold blood.

As they reached the dock and ordered the ferryman to set out, a loud booming sound was heard.

Sakumo, Orochimaru, Kisame, the creature in Kisame's side and the ferryman, watched with varying amount of horror as Kirigakure exploded with fire and... was that glitter?!

"Oh, so that's what happened too those four papers," Kisame cackled.

Sakumo turned to him, "what?"

To clarify things, Orochimaru was a decent seal master. He wasn't at the level of Kushina, Minato nor Jiraiya but he sure knows his way around a seal and he fixed his lack of knowledge in sealing by experimenting. What was a chakra disruptor that turned into a head exploding seal was of his own making— even the smokescreen and the flashbang. But what he didn't know was that as he finished packing his scrolls, Naruto, the sunshine child, snuck some sealing papers in his scrolls— four pieces of paper that he personally made because even though Kurama argued that this may sabotaged Orochimaru's mission because he knows shit about Fuuinjutsu, Naruto was in a level of worry and thickheadedness that he wouldn't be placated by the Kyuubi.

Why, might you ask, the glitters?

The answer for that was simple, Orochimaru bought ink with glitters for Naruto because the Sannin noticed that his child enjoyed writing with one. And yes, this was the ink that Naruto used to write for his seals— making the explosion unknowingly keyed to the glitters.

But how, might you ask again, did Naruto managed to make a seal that even with just four pieces of it managed to bomb Kirigakure to its core when he's a dum-dum at sealing?

The answer for that lies with Jiraiya, the future-past one.

When Jiraiya and Naruto was out of Konoha, resting at Tanzaku Gai before they start their three-year-long training, Naruto asked Jiraiya if he could learn the Hiraishin seal. Jiraiya agreed of course because he thought that the Hiraishin was Naruto's legacy even if he didn't know that the Yondaime was his father yet, and tried teaching the Jinchuriki the basis of this seal.

After they were finished, Jiraiya completely giving up with Naruto because the blond was doing the complete opposite of what he's teaching, Naruto activated his seal even with the Toad Sannin's disgrunted yell and voila— the entirety of Tanzaku Gai was then seen next to Yugakure, making the Vacation Capital and Gambling Capital of the Elemental Nations newly neighbors with each other.

From this say forward, Jiraiya banned Naruto from learning a seal because he knew that the blond's sealing techniques were lethal and possibly world-ending.

Naruto forgot of this accident because after his seal transferred Tanzaku Gai near Yugakure, Jiraiya ordered him to control his Kyuubi chakra and this was when things went to a higher shit than they already were— he transformed into the six tails, beat the crap out of Jiraiya and after he calmed down, he was in a two-week coma, making him forget all the things that happened hours before and when he was in his transformation.

(Was this mission the reason why Sakumo ended his life?) 

(No, it wasn't.)

(But in the original timeline, 'The Mission that According to Rumors was the Flame of the Third Shinobi War' was sanctioned by Danzo after Sakumo and his team assassinated Kaguya Kirihito, making Danzo and the Sandaime Mizukage's partnership start with the success of it. That Mission was payed by the Mizukage himself after the warhawk earned his trust by finishing his orders to assassinate the Clan Head of the Kaguya Clan in an attempt to stop their planned coup and he then again gave a paid mission to Danzo that would be the reason for Sakumo's suicide.)

(Would there be a chance to know what exactly happened on That Mission?)

(No.)

(Let us all just be happy that with the Mizukage dead, there would be no reason for Sakumo to die this time.)

Sakumo watched Orochimaru as he fiddled with his purple scarf, his mind remembering that this scarf was owned by Naruto and be wondered how was Kakashi and Naruto doing. 

Chapter Text

Naruto woke up and chose chaos. 

It was Saturday today and it has been exactly seven days since his Tou-san and Sakumo-shiro left the village for the mission and he was deeply wishing that they were alright. He admitted in his five-year-old body with his strange childish urges, he has been feeling cranky because he's starrting to miss his father. He gravely wanted to cuddle with his Tou-san's pleasantly cold body and he missed getting his head patted. Kushina-nee was an adept cook but he was longing for his father's meal and the warmth that they shared every night that Naruto decided to sleep with him. Yeppers, he's feeling cranky and he didn't like it one bit.

It was Saturday today and Tiny-sensei wasn't with him right now. He's with Minato (how odd was it to call him in that way) doing some training and mission for the day. Naruto wouldn't intrude upon those two because he knew how important training was for Kakashi at this age. And he's quite thankful that Kakashi has been keeping him company for the past week, so, no, he would not mess with Kakashi and his sensei's bonding right now.

It was Saturday and Kushina-nee was sent on a mission by Hokage-jiji and she wouldn't be home until later this evening.

It was Saturday and Naruto was alone— feeling cranky and he was so damn bored!

He wanted to spend his time with Gai-chan (yes, he's calling him that because Gai called him Naru-chan even though he didn't know why he would address him like that but he did not question it because in his eyes, Gai is a cool person so that means his decisions were also cool) but he couldn't find him anywhere. And if what he thought earlier was right, maybe Gai-chan was running around the village and doing those challenges he enjoyed on doing.

He was kami-damned bored!

And because he's Naruto, he needed to find a way to alleviate (whatever that might mean, he once heard Hokage-jiji used that and he also wanted tk use it because it sounded smart) that boredom!

'I really won't like how this will turn out, kit,' Kurama groused.

'Just watch, Kurama, this day will be awesome!' Naruto cheered and ran off to start his chaos.

It was Saturday and Fugaku knew that this day would end with a disaster. 

Compared to the other member of the Uchiha Clan, he was not that religious. He also wasn't superstitious. But when he was woken up by the cawing of the murder of crow by his windowsill, he remembered that he was once warned by the Elders when he was a child that crows and ravens were a sign if bad luck. Fugaku ignored it, because there were lots of crows in the Fire Nation and in Konoha, and started his day.

When he got out of the Uchiha District and made his way to the Police station, he couldn't help but notice that there was an abundance of black cats littering the road. Again, he ignored that sign of bad luck.

He entered the station and saw a child eating a bowl of rice (why he's eating inside the police station, Fugaku had no clue) and the child stick his chopsticks vertically atop his rice. That was also a sign for bad luck.

But again, Fugaku ignored it because he didn't believe in such things. 

He started doing his duties and he completed all of them in record time. It was noon when he finished all of them and so, he decided that he needed to award himself with a good meal.

Also a sign of bad luck for the day was when he arrived at his favorite restaurant, that darned stuck up Hyuuga Hiashi was sitting primly at his usual place.

(This was a very unlucky day for him.) 

And because he was an Uchiha, he never learned how to back down, so, he approached the Hyuuga with the intention of shooing him away from his usual spot.

(Nobody ever denied that Uchiha Fugaku was a petty bastard.)

"Hyuuga," the Uchiha said as he approached his nemesis and sat in the seat adjacent him without an invitation. "This is my spot."

"Oh?" The stuck up asked, demurely raising an eyebrow at Fugaku and placing his tea back on the table, "surely your eyes can see that I'm currently occupying it. And had you no manners? I didn't give you an invitation to seat in front of me."

"I have manners, yes. But for a Hyuuga, I don't have to spare you with one," Fugaku replied.

He could see Hiashi's eyebrows twitching as a sign of irritation and Fugaku felt glee that he was the one that had caused that.

"How barbaric," murmured by the Hyuuga, "I guess I'm not really surprised that you don't have the decency to spare manners on public places. Insulting." 

Fugaku smirked rather childishly, "please be insulted and get out of my spot."

A staring contest ensued between the possessor of two of the most powerdul dojutsu users inside Konoha. Silence embraced them as two teenagers didn't back down from the sudden competition of who would prevail and come up on top of the contest of who could survive using a pair of eyes with next to no moistute at all.

But it was broken by a fascinated-sounding voice.

"So, you two are rivals, dattebayo."

Both Fugaku and Hiashi whipped their heads so fast at the direction of that voice that it was a surprise none of them received whiplash from it and they were greeted by two wide blue sparkling eyes and a large foxxy grin.

(Oh no.)

(An Uzumaki.)

(The blond one at that.) 

(Fugaku may not be superstitious but he knew that this was a definite sign of bad luck.)

If you would ask Hiashi how he was in this situation right now, he wouldn't be able to answer it. Not only did he disliked his current position, he also couldn't believe that a five-year-old child manage to rile him up that he was left with no choice but to prove the child wrong.

"We are not rivals," Hiashi insisted for maybe the sixth time that hour but also for the sixth time, he was ignored.

The whiskered Uzumaki tilted his head— Hiashi would deny to death that he found that action rather adorable— and asked, "if you two are rivals, who's stronger?"

"I am."

Hiashi and Fugaku stared at each other at their same responses. He felt irritation bubbling in his stomach at the rather disbelieving look the Uchiha threw at him. 

"You are? Surely you jest," the pompous bastard scoff.

Hiashi tried to maintain his composure, "I am stronger than you, Uchiha. Remember, I was the top student at the Academy?"

At the reminder of that event, Hiashi saw Fugaku gritting his teeth. Yes, the arrogant arse was still bitter about it and Hiashi would gladly rub it in his face.

"But I am stronger now," he tried to reason but before the Uchiha continued out with that, the Uzumaki intervened.

"I know! Why don't you two show me ninjutsu tricks! Then, we'll know who's stronger, 'ttebayo!"

Hiashi prided himself as a very composed and calm man. He wasn't childish. He's mature. And he's cynical. He didn't know why but something in the blond Uzumaki child's words made him accept his offer and now— now, they're in Training Ground 44 because the child told them that he would determine who's stronger between him and the Uchiha base on the larger scale of destruction they could inflict inside the Forest of Death.

He knew that it was beyond idiotic, challenging an Uchiha in ninjutsu when most of the Hyuuga Clan techniques revolved around taijutsu, but he sure won't back down just because he knew that he may not have the probability of winning. Besides, it's not like he didn't know destructive ninjutsy techniques that he could use between this spur of the moment contest. Let that Uchiha eat ashes if he fought his fire with fire.

"Contestants, to your places," the child who managed to rile both Hiashi and Fugaku said in a serious voice and both contestants turned back from each other, hands ready, "remember, use your strongest ninjutsu trick, 'ttebayo! The winner will be proclaimed the strongest between you two rivals and there would ba a consolation of ramen for the loser... Ready, set, fire!"

And fire they both released. 

(Hiashi didn't really know but from that point on, this day would turn into something they would never forget.) 

(And it was all because of Uzumaki Naruto. An Uzumaki that he couldn't believe was way worse than Kushina.) 

Sakumo, Orochimaru and Kisame stopped in their tracks at the image that they were greeted by. 

"Are Konoha forest always burning?" Kisame curiosly asked.

Orochimaru shook his head, "no." 

Sakumo didn't know the details yet, but his instinct yelled at him that this was a deed done by Orochimaru's son.

(Sakumo and Kakashi always knew that there would come a time when Naruto would burn Konoha.)

Chapter Text

Hiruzen was having a massive headache and no one in Elemental Nations could compare to the pounding in his head now. He took off the Hokage hat and placed in atop his table. He stared at his hat and for the first time ever, regretted that his sensei passed him this position. He knew that even the Nidaime, his Tobirama-sensei, would just give up completely and live a secluded life up in the mountains if he's facing Hiruzen's current situation.

"Kaguya Kirihito's head did what now?" Hiruzen asked.

"It exploded," Hatake Sakumo, one of Hiruzen's outstanding Jounin and Konoha's White Fang, answered lightly while smiling as if what he said amounts to nothing. 

"The Sandaime Mizukage's head did what now?"

"It exploded," Orochimaru, Hiruzen's brightest student and the Snake Sannin, answered while cleaning his nails with a sharp kunai as if he would want to be with his son more than reporting what happened at their misison to their Kage.

"And Kirigakure did what now?"

"It exploded with glitters!" Hoshigaki Kisame, a Kiri Academy student and Orochimaru's latest kidnapped child, cheerfully answered while ignoring the purring creature in his back.

Hiruzen felt his headache worsen and tried to think of a way to salvage this situation. If Kiri found out the culprit responsible for the recent assassination of one of their village Clan Head and the Sandaime Mizukage plus the destruction of their village capital. Hiruzen has been Hokage for years and he didn't know whether to classify this mission as a strange success or a brilliant failure.

The Sandaime Hokage wondered when everything turned like this. Konohagakure used to make sense. The world was simple back then. But ever since a whiskered Uzumaki caught his student's attention, the logic of the world Hiruzen knew was turning upside down. And Naruto... Hiruzen sighed. Just thinking of Naruto was enough of an addition too his headache.

He was trying to think of a solution to this problem because he would not risk war for this mission when Naruto's laughter rang through Hiruzen's mind.

(From now onwards, the word 'dattebayo' would fuel his nightmares for a few nights.)

"Atleast, Kiri will not suspect anything from our village," Hiruzen said when he just realized something, "now that Training Ground 44's covered with glitter and fire, they will assume that the culprit that destroyed their village and ours was the same."

"Huh? Glitters?" Hoshigaki Kisame tilted his head in confusion as if the word glitter was the only one that caught his attention.

Was it already too late to ban glitter in the village?

"Speaking of that incident, Hokage-sama. Why is our forest burning?" Sakumo asked.

"About that," Hiruzen heaved a sigh before starting his tale.

The flashiest flashback ever... Hours before Sakumo and Orochimaru's arrival at the village. 

Naruto stared with wide eyes of fascination at the fire that's now covering the surrounding forest.

"It's so pretty!" The Uzumaki murmured with an odd glint in his wide blue eyes and a large grin in his mouth that if Naruto wasn't the one wearing that smile, you would think that a person wearing his grin was psychotic and a mass murderer.

'Kit, don't tell me you're a pyromaniac?' Kurama asked.

'Am not, 'ttebayo.' The Uzumaki denied, ignoring Fugaku and Hiashi in the background who were both panicking and running around like a headless chicken. Both Chuunin couldn't think of a technique that has water as its main element and they both started cursing the Will of Fire even though it was completely unrelated to this situation. 

'You are worse than that Uchiha brat.'

'You take that back, Kurama!' Naruto mentally yelled, deeply offended, 'I am nothing like Sasuke-teme when it comes to burning something.'

Kurama sighed, aggravated, 'can you think of an incident where the Uchiha brat burned something this large of a scale?'

Naruto tried thinking, he really did— and when he came up with nothing, a scandalized gasp escaped his lips, 'no way!'

'Yes way, just accept it, you're worst than the Uchiha brat when it comes to fire. And he's the one with fire as an elemental affinity,' Kurama laughed as if he won the lottery when all he did was won an argument against Naruto.

'It's not even my fault, dattebayo! Fugaku and Hiashi were the one who used Katon!' Naruto yelled again but Kurama ignored him in favor of laughing at his face.

Naruto clicked his tongue, "I'm not a pyromaniac, Kurama. You'll see."

And the Uzumaki pulled out seals of his making from his pockets.

'Oh no, not that! You know you suck at sealing and you don't even know what your seals will do!' Kurama stopped laughing and tried making the Uzumaki child to see reasoning. He really wished the time when he was the one being stopped and cursed this adorable child for making him the rational one.

'Watch me, Kurama! With my new invention, I would stop this fire!' And just like how Ash threw his Poke Balls, Naruto threw his seals and watched as it reached the fire. And oh, look at that the fire grew bigger. Who knew that would happen? 

Ooh! 

Glitters!

"What did you do?!" Hiashi yelled and Naruto gave himself an award because he managed to ruffle the Hyuuga's feathers.

"I don't know! I thought that would stop the fire, dattebayo!" Naruto yelled back and he released an 'oomf' sound when Fugaku hauled him like a sack of potatoes.

"We need to get out of here before the fire consumes us!" The Uchiha yelled and skedaddled the hell out of the Forest of Death.

When they got out of Training Ground 44, the trio were greeted by various shinobi of different ranks— tag-teaming and trying to subdue the fire with water techniques.

"What happened?" The normally laid back Nara Shikaku asked them, watching Jounins use their Suiton techniques and when it didn't work, Genins and Chuunins were assigned to gather pails of water to manually put the fire out.

"It was a battle between rivals!" Naruto cheerfully answered, still hanging from Fugaku's back.

Shikaku stared back at Naruto with scrutinizing eyes and when the blond Uzumaki just gave him a gleeful grin and a scrunch of his nose, the Nara shrugged his shoulders. 

"Troublesome." Was Shikaku's only comment and proceeded to lay down on the ground, ignoring the background of chaos.

Hours after that incident, Naruto was sitting with Fugaku and Hiashi at the Uchiha Police station, the Uchiha head just finished reprimanding them when the Hokage arrived at the station. 

"Jiji!" Naruto greeted and pounced at the Hokage.

Everyone at the vicinity of the strange scene stilled at the Uzumaki's actions and when they saw that the Hokage just ruffled the child's hair and endured Naruto's ways of showing affection, they all released a breath that they weren't aware they were all holding.

"Naruto," the Hokage's eyes crinkled when he smiled indulgingly at the child, "what you did today was reckless."

"Technically, it wasn't my fault. Hiashi and Fugaku were the one who used fire techniques, 'ttebayo," Naruto said without thinking about how his words would be perceived, completely throwing the Uchiha and Hyuuga heirs under the bus.

"Is that so?" Hokage-jiji asked and looked back at the two heirs behind Naruto who both cringed at the look that the Sandaime gave them. "But I heard that you used a Fuuinjutsu seal to fuel the fire."

"Uh, yeah. Hehe, I kinda did, 'ttebayo," and the child rubbed the back of his neck while trying to smile apologetically.

"Can I see what those seals are?"

"Uhn!" And Naruto handed the extra seals in his pocket to his Hokage-jiji. The Sandaime examined the papers and Naruto watched as the older man raised an eyebrow at him.

"Where did you get this?"

"I made them!" Naruto proudly declared, "I'm a Fuuinjutsu genius, Jiji!"

'You are not,' Kurama disagreed but Naruto chose to ignore the fox.

"Really now?" The Sandaime asked with a tone of surprise in his voice, "and where did you learn to do this? Do you even know what this seal can do?"

"I'm self-taught," and again, Naruto ignored Kurama's comments in his head in favor of addressing his Jiji and showing him how awesome he is. "And the seals are like a surprise box, you won't know what you will get. It's exciting, dattebayo!"

Naruto was left confused when the Sandaime rubbed his temples and the shinobi surrounding them was looking at him with wide horrified eyes.

'Kurama, did I do something?!' Naruto asked with distress.

'I don't know, kit, why don't you figure it out for yourself,' the magnanimous Kyuubi no Youko just gave up. Lately, he noticed that Naruto's childish urges were getting too strong... Or maybe this was just Naruto being Naruto, being an airhead when the situation needed him to read the atmosphere. Sometimes, Naruto could be the most empathetic and attentive one but most of the times, he's just like this. It's traumatizing. 

"And can I ask what you used to make these? This is not a sealing paper," Hokage-jiji said and flapped Naruto's seals in the air.

"You need sealing paper to make seals?!" The whiskered child exclaimed with surprise, "all this time, I'm using ordinary paper! And when I ran out of white paper, I used colored one and I think it suits me more, dattebayo! You see, Jiji, orange is my favorite color that's why I wrote those squiggles in an orange colored paper and do you see the lines were a bit shiny? That's because I used the ink Tou-san bought me. Glitter makes everything fancy!"

The silence that greeted his explanations left him feeling confused again. He heard a whimper somewhere and when he swiveled his head back to look at the direction of the voice in the peanut gallery, he saw an older Uchiha looking at him as if he has a Bijuu inside him. Oh wait— he has one! 

(Kurama rolled his eyes so hard at his stupid joke.) 

"This is pure insanity," coming from an Uchiha, a Clan that produces insane shinobi throughout the genetration™, that's saying something about how Naruto's head works.

End of the flashiest flashback ever... 

Orochimaru's first sight of his son after a week away from the village was a bit out of the ordinary.

Naruto was comfortably sitting at a chair beside Uchiha Fugaku and Hyuuga Hiashi behind the prison bars of Uchiha Police station.

"Uzumaki, you're getting out. Orochimaru-sama bailed for you!" An Uchiha officer called outside the prison cell and before Orochimaru knew it, a child was barreling towards him.

The Snake Sannin spread his arms and caught the blond when the latter pounced at him. He heaved a deep sigh and inhaled the scent of his son. He smelled of soot and a bit of sweat but the scent that Orochimaru associated for the whiskered Uzumaki was still there and it  brought comfort to the Sannin. He reveled at the warmth that Naruto excluded and would forever enjoy the feeling of his embrace when the child turned his head up to look at him.

"Welcome back, Tou-san!"

Orochimaru stared at his son and a sincere smile slipped on his lips, "I'm back."

He heard someone sniffled at the background and Orochimaru mentally noted that he would make sure that Naruto took a bath after they got home so that he wouldn't get the man's flu.

(Said man with a flu sniffled again and tried to hide his tears at the touching scene he just saw, the Uchiha officer ignored his Clan heir staring at him like he just declared his passionate love for a Hyuuga and instead, he quietly said to himself as he watched the normally aloof Sannin embrace his child, "this is too pure.")

"Why are you inside the prison?" Orochimaru curiously asked the child in his arms.

"Oh! Hokage-jiji didn't know what punishment he should give us for burning the Forest of Death when he found out that technically, there really was no damage done by the fire because of my seals! Tou-san, did you know that my seals could make the fire burn forever, dattebayo, without actually burning what its touching?!" Excitement was shining at Naruto's eyes at this prospect, "so, for some legal reasons that I wasn't listening to, Jiji still needed to punish us. And that's why I suggested that he should lock us up in jail! I have never been inside a jail before and it was so fun, 'ttebayo!" 

Orochimaru's mind suddenly lapsed when he heard how Naruto's seals worked and he felt something warm in his chest again. He was burning up with pride at how smart his son was.

"That's great," Orochimaru hummed and stood up, Naruto still in his arms and he tucked the child's head under his chin, "I need to go back to Sarutobi-sensei because we're still not finished discussing our report for the mission. What do you want to eat later?"

"Ramen!" Was the automatic response.

Orochimaru and his sunshine child got out of the prison cells, leaving the Hyuuga and Uchiha heirs with each other. 

"So..." The Uchiha officer, who just finished crying, addressed the two teens still behind the prison bars, "no one to bail you two out?" 

Chapter Text

Sakumo, Kakashi, Kisame with his pet and Minato (who Kakashi forced to join them) were all walking towards Orochimaru's house because the Sannin invited them for their dinner to have a small celebration for their somewhat successful mission. Even the Sandaime was invited but he declined when Orochimaru told him that 'yes, Naruto would also be with them because he's my son and he was the one to ask me to invite you all for dinner so it's not a surprise that he'd be there, Sarutobi-sensei. Why are you even asking me about that?'

And for the past five minutes, Kisame wouldn't stop teasing him even when he first met Kakashi who stared at him like when he stared at Naruto when he first met the whiskered Uzumaki. When Kakashi called Naruto as 'pest'. 

"Is this a strange Konoha ritual? Newly wedded couple killing a clan head?" Kisame curiosly asked and smiled, "it's sweet."

Sakumo didn't know if Kisame was listening to the mission report earlier considering that he was inside the Sandaime's office when they were talking about it or he was just busy petting the creature attached at his back who may or may not be the famous Kiri's sword, Samehada. 

"Uhm, Kisame-kun, were not married. That's just our cover up for the mission. And you shouldn't discuss what happened on that mission. It's classified," Sakumo tried explaining, feeling a bit flustered for reasons he couldn't exactly pinpoint on. Kakashi was staring at him with a dubious expression as if he could perfectly hear what's inside his mind. 

"Whaaa?" The blue-skinned child narrowed his eyes at him. "But you look perfect together. I ship it. My OTP."

Ship what now? Ow tee pee? What? 

"Kisame-kun, please stop."

The child just laughed at Sakumo as the latter just sighed in exasperation.

"When did you and Orochimaru-sama got married, Sakumo-san? Why weren't we invited?" Namikaze Minato, the famed prodigy and Kakashi's Jounin instructor, curiously asked.

Sakumo wondered how Minato was this innocent when Jiraiya was his teacher. It was impossible and a bit baffling as to how that happened.

"They're not," Kakashi answered in his stead and Sakumo heard a small mumble of 'idiot' made by his child and Sakumo's eyes widened because he couldn't believe that Kakashi, his rule-abiding son, would say something like that to his teacher.

(What had happened to Kakashi since the week he has been gone for his mission?)

Before Sakumo got to ask, the group arrived outside the Snake Sannin's compound and his son was waiting outside for them. Naruto greeted them all with a blinding light and Kisame, who wasn't used to the child's brilliance, rubbed his eyes.

"Tou-san is still cooking and he told me to let you all—" Naruto didn't finish his words as his eyes landed on Kisame, specifically the creature at his back, an issue that no one bothered to address yet because this day was in all ways chaotic and even the Sandaime gave up on trying to solve all issues in it. "Whoa! You have a cool pet, dattebayo! Can I pet him?!"

"Of course!" Kisame gleefully replied and detached the huge ass sword that was the size of his body from his back and gave it to Naruto.

The blond child happily accepted the sword and started petting it as if it was not a weapon that shreds and shaves skin of an unfortunate shinobi that met the end of it in a battlefield. Sakumo once saw Samehada in action with its past owner and it wasn't a pretty sight.

He's seriously asking himself when he started getting desensitized to all the craziness in his surrounding that he wasn't even surprised when the sword purred at Naruto's hands and Kisame joined him with the petting. 

"Pyun~ Pyun~" the sword purred rather cutely. 

The group all stopped what they were doing to stare at the sword with various expression of shock and in Sakumo's state— resignation. A whole minute passed and there was a united decision that they weren't going to think about that today. They all smiled at each other and entered the compound like nothing out of the ordinary happened. Naruto welcomed them inside the house and led them towards the dining hall where they saw Orochimaru arranging the table.

"Thank you for inviting us for dinner, Orochimaru-san," Sakumo said in a bit of a formal voice and the Sannin gave him a nod.

"Naruto insisted, he told me that he missed us and wanted to have dinner with all of you and I am happy to grant him his wishes," the man replied and gestured them all to sit down. Minato also thanked the man and Orochimaru graciously accepted it and offered him to try his ramen.

They all sat down and Sakumo watched as Naruto fussed Minato to have a taste of what his father cooked. Minato did as what Naruto asked of him and as he took his first bite, his eyes widened with shock. 

"I told you he can cook the best ramen, 'ttebayo!" Naruto said in a smug voice. The two blonds talked for a bit and Sakumo' s attention wasn't with them as he noticed Orochimaru placing eggplants at Kakashi's bowl.

"Thank you, Oro-san," Kakashi said, his mask already lowered as he started eating.

"Naruto told me that you loved them so I cooked them for you," Orochimaru said with a small soft smile that rang alarm bells at Sakumo's mind and oh no.

Oh no.

Oh no, no, no.

Sakumo's screwed.

Kisame stand by his point that Konoha nins were weird as heck. No one even batted an eye with his appearance and no one even questioned why Mizuki-san, who was Konoha's Snake Sannin, and Shiro-san, Konoha's White Fang, kidnapped him and took him home. And apparently, Mizuki— Oro-san's son was the one responsible why Konoha's forest was eternally burning with glitters.

"Are you going to stay with us, Kisame-chan?" Naru-kun, a very strange child, asked while slurping his ramen.

Kisame gave his new pet, Naru-kun called him Same-chan (so, he would now be dubbed as Same-chan), a piece of carrot as he answered, "I'm not really sure. I just let Oro-san and Saku-san kidnapped me so I'll let them decide."

"You kidnapped him?" Kashi-kun asked his father but Saku-san didn't answer because he was busy staring at Oro-san wearing a strange expression in his face that Kisame couldn't read.

"We did not kidnap him, Kakashi," Oro-san answered when Saku-san didn't, he smiled indulgingly at them and the White Fang released a sound that no one in the table could understand— aside from Kashi-kun who glared at his father— so they all ignored him in favor of listening to the Sannin and the latter looked at Kisame, "what we did was to forcibly adopt you without your knowledge."

Kisame's eyes widened in surprise, "you... adopted me?"

The Sannin nodded, "yes. I also told Sarutobi-sensei about it and he will process the papers for me to legally adopt you."

"I'll have a new brother?!" Naru-kun yelled and Kisame still couldn't believe what's happening right now.

Oro-san's adopting him! Someone... someone wanted him.

Oro-san wanted Kisame.

Kisame marveled at that fact and a smile crept up his lips as Same-chan purred at him and he gave him another piece of carrot.

Konoha nins are weird for wanting someone like him to as a son. 

(And he's going to have a brother too!)

"What do you mean 'new', Naruto-kun?" The bigger blond who seriously looked like Naru-kun's biological brother asked. Are they related? 

"Oh, I adopted Tiny-sensei and you, Minato-nii, to be my brother, 'ttebayo. You two didn't know it but I gave Hokage-jiji a petition for your adoption, I dunno if he'll accept it but you can't refuse," Naru-kun explained.

"That's not how that works," Mina-kun weakly protested that fell on deaf ears when Naru-kun started giving them lecture about ramen and its greatness.

Kisame listened with great attention at his  new brother. 

Sakumo was fucked.

He knew that he was fucked but he couldn't stop thinking about it especially as he joined the man at clearing the table while the children and Minato were at the living room, petting Samehada or Same-chan as what Naruto started calling the sword.

"The dinner was great, Orochimaru-san," Sakumo started, helping the man in his kitchen.

"I'm glad you liked it," the Sannin tilted his head at him, "and I think we're past formalities now, Sakumo. Kisame even insisted at dinner that we're a married couple. So, I believe that you should stop addressing me with '-san'." And there was a teasing glint in his eyes.

Sakumo stammered.

Konoha's White Fang stammered like a teenager.

He's so fucked and he couldn't even regret what he's feeling right now when the other man laughed lightly at his reaction. 

"He... He was just kidding, I don't think someone will want to marry me at this point," Sakumo replied and he didn't know why he even said that. Why? Just why? "I mean... I'm busy with being a shinobi and it's hard to find someone that will marry a man who already has a child. Kakashi's more important to me than marriage." 

"You are an attractive man and a kind father, Sakumo, I admire that about you. And I personally think that because of your admirable characteristics, everyone wants to marry a man like you." 

"Even you?" Sakumo really didn't know where that came from and why he's asking that.

Something's seriously wrong with him.

Golden eyes met dark stormy greys, "even me." 

Sakumo didn't know that he would still feel this certain feeling at his age and if Jiraiya, his longtime friend, could hear what he's thinking right now, the man would endlessly tease him and laugh at his face. 

This was all Orochimaru's fault. Him and that damn smile of his that softly stayed in his lips as he finished laughing but was still looking at Sakumo with a soft expression. Sakumo knew in himself that when he first met the man, he already thought that he was pretty even with his aloof expression but this, this! Orochimaru freely expressing his emotions at Sakumo was a sight to behold. 

(The White Fang would forever hide the fact that somewhere at the back of his mind, he squealed manly when the Sannin told him that he wanted to marry him.) 

(And he called him attractive!) 

(Is this what children call nowadays as gay awakening?) 

Chapter Text

Naruto was panicking. 

Correction, Naruto and Kisame were panicking. 

(In fact, if Samehada was listening to their conversation, they would panic, too. But alas, the strange pet-sword was busy munching a stalk of asparagus as a midday snack.)

Naruto couldn't believe that he forgot about this. He couldn't forgive himself that out of all the things that he could've forgotten, this was what he forgot!

He couldn't hold back the sniffle that escaped him and his father immediately placed him on his lap, trying to comfort the upset child. 

"I am alright, hatchlings," Orochimaru comforted both his adopted children, beckoning Kisame to sit next to him and patted the child's head. "It's not as serious as it sounds."

"But it's a heart condition! It's that Hypertror... Hyper-thingy! And Sakumo-shiro said that it causes death! What if... What if you'll—"

The blond Uzumaki could not finish his sentence and clamped his mouth shut— afraid that if he said it, it would eventually come true.

'You are being dramatic, kit,' Kurama groused, nap interrupted at his Jinchuriki's drama, 'if he told you that it's not serious, it's probably not.'

Naruto refused to believe Kurama. He was pretty sure that his Tou-san was dialing down the pain he's experiencing with his heart because he knew that's what sick people do. They didn't like others pitying them and seeing them in a vulnerable state by their love ones.

It's been days since Kisame-chan and Same-chan legally joined their household (Naruto deleted the fact in his mind that technically, Orochimaru kidnapped Kisame) and it has been great. He met older-Kisame multiple times in the future-past before and he never really got to know the man's character but this child version of him got swimmingly well with Naruto. Kisame was honest to a degree (almost rivaling Tiny-sensei's bluntness), always listens to Naruto's rant about everything and nothing at all, tells him interesting tales about Kirigakure and fishes in general, fun to cuddle with and he promised to Naruto that if something happened to him on his watch, he would murder everyone and himself. It's kinda sweet that he would willingly commit bloodshed on Naruto's sake (Kurama grumbled that he's becoming a little bit like Shukaku and that's a seriously no-no thing) even if it's a bit uncomfortable because he liked some of the people here at Konoha and seriously?

Who would try to hurt Gai-chan?

The tinier version of Bushier Brows-sensei was the most pure child that Naruto has the YOUTHFULLNESS! to bond with. And he's certain that if Kisame-chan and Gai-chan met, they would get along well. Especially because they both liked green.

(Kisame liked green, who knew? Certainly not Naruto and Kurama.)

(Kurama was a bit afraid that Gai would influence Kisame to start wearing a green spandex and swore that if the blue skinned child did, he would dye his fur in fuchsia pink. And Naruto would help him with that. He'd add glitters to it to make Kurama look fancier.)

So, with the sudden addition of Kisame-chan and Same-chan to their lives, Naruto forgot about the fact that his Tou-san was terminally ill and in need of an immediate cure.

Kisame and Naruto were helping him tend the garden when he noticed the Snake Sannin looking at them while holding a hand to his chest when something just clicked. 

The man has a heart disease. Heart condition? Naruto didn't know what Hyper-thingy really was because he never got to fully understand the medical jargons on the medical book he read but the symptoms of Hyper-thingy matches with his Tou-san. And it's been a few weeks since Naruto diagnosed his father with Hyper-thingy and he still didn't know how to help the man!

"We need to go to the hospital!" Naruto stopped sniffling pathetically and shouted his idea.

"We can not, Naruto," Orochimaru disagreed.

"Why not? You're sick, Oro-san. Why won't you go to the hospital?" Kisame-chan asked with a concerned tone, petting Same-chan and giving them celery stalks.

"I'm one of the top Jounin of the village and a Sannin," Orochimaru answered and tried explaining his reason, "if word got out that I'm dying, my enemies will see it as a weakness and they will try to exploit it. They might breach the village's security and try to hurt you, hatchlings. I can not have that."

"But you can't die!" And Naruto proceeded to bawl his eyes out. He really couldn't control his childish urges at most of the times especially when he's upset or feeling a negative emotion.

Naruto couldn't process that idea that Orochimaru's dying. In his future-past, dying and Orochimaru was an impossibility that even Sasuke didn't manage to accomplish because the man was resurrected when the Uchiha killed him. And in this timeline, Naruto wasn't sure if he could do that. Resurrect Orochimaru that is.

(The fact that Naruto was willing to do a Forbidden Jutsu for Orochimaru's sake escaped his mind and Kurama hasn't the mental capacity to point it out. His kit was stressing him out.)

(Time travel's a bitch.)

"Oh, I know!" Naruto immediately stopped crying when an awesome idea popped in his mind— Kisame and Orochimaru was startled out of trying to comfort the child— and he beamed at the two, "why don't we try to find a medic nin that's outside the village and have a rendes... randay... randee?... a secret meeting with them, dattebayo?!"

"We can do that and we're going to join you," Kisame said and Orochimaru was about to disagree when the child added, "we're not going to leave you on your own to cure your sickness. We're your family, Oro-san."

"Uhn!"

Touched and a bit emotionally manipulated by his children, Orochimaru nodded and smiled, "I may know someone outside the village that can help us."

"You do?" Naruto tilted his head, thinking of who his father was talking about but when he came up with nothing, he just waited for the man to answer. 

"Yes," Orochimaru smiled and if Naruto was at his seventeen-year-old version, he would perceive that as scary and his mind would scream at him to 'run-the-hell-away-from-here-Orochimaru's-going-to-kill-everybody-send-help-SOS' but as it was, he just smiled back and embraced his father and new brother. "And it's time for us to have a long-awaited chat."

Senju Tsunade shivered and sneezed. 

"Are you sick, Tsunade-sama?" Shizune asked at her side.

"Am not," the Slug Sannin slurred and chugged a bottle of sake. She took a glance of her cards and at the cards on the table. "Bastards, I win!"

She threw her cards down and at the complaining grumbling of the other players, she knew that what she said was the truth. She cackled madly and took their money with glee. 

Shizune frowned as she stared at the cackling Sannin and her money, "you do not win, Tsunade-sama."

"What do you mean I don't win? I just did!" The blonde woman protested.

"But this is the first time that I saw you win a card game," the black-haired child pointed out. "You have a very bad luck when it comes to gambling."

Tsunade stopped what she's doing, absent-mindedly punching a man when he tried to escape with her money, and processed her ward's words.

Huh. That's odd. What Shizune said was true. 

The Slug Sannin let the money down and gulped her drink in one go. Everyone was staring the the wrecked wall the Sannin broke when the man she punched flew at it while she was comprehending what this phenomenon meant.

Since they got out of the village, this was the first time she won a game and in the past, nothing good ever comes out when this happened.

"Pack your bags, Shizune, we're leaving this town," Tsunade hurriedly stood up, instantly sobered up with the realization that shit was about to come to her.

"Huh? Why?" The child inquired and followed the woman out of the casino.

"I have a very bad feeling." 

Chapter Text

There was a spring in Naruto's steps as he trot next to his father, clutching the straps of his backpack in his hand and cheerfully mimicking Kisame as he sang a song that he swore was painfully familiar but he couldn't identify where he heard it from.

"Yo ho ho, yo ho ho ho~" Naruto sang the only part he knew as Kisame proceeded with the next lyrics of the very catchy song.

"Binkusu no sake wo—"

'Wrong anime, kit!' Kurama whined.

'Wrong what now?' Naruto asked, losing concentration to Kisame's song.

'Binks no sake is from a different anime! Just sing Blue Bird or better yet, Silhouette.'

'What're you talking about, dattebayo? Are you sick too, Kurama? You're talking nonsense,' the blond Uzumaki was a bit worried because Tou-san's already sick and he couldn't have Kurama getting sick on him too. 

'Bijuus do not get sick! And I am not talking— you know what? I don't even care anymore. Why am I even bothering?' And the Bijuu proceeded to sleep, completely ignoring Naruto's curious inquiries as to why he's so grumpy today.

Naruto tried poking the Bijuu at their shared mindscape but gave up when Kurama threw him out of their shared space. He went back to the real world and Kisame was finishing the song, so, Naruto cheered and clapped. 

"Bravo! Kisame-chan, huzzah!" The whiskered happily clapped and tilted his head as he asked curiously, "where did you learn that song?"

"Pirates," the blue skinned child answered, Same-chan purring at his back imitating the tone of the song, "a pirate group once docked at Kiri and I heard them singing that song when I snuck aboard their ship to spy on them. They don't look like pirates though and they have a racoon dog as their pet and a skeleton with an afro as their mascot. Huh. What weird pirates they were."

Stars shone in Naruto's eyes in interest and he was about to ask Kisame-chan for more details (ignoring Kurama's sudden yell of 'disclaimer, idiot! Or we'll be sued!') when their father spoke.

"When we arrive at the town we are heading to, I just want to remind you two that you should never stray far away from me or if something bad happen, remember to protect each other, am I clear?" The Snake Sannin asked calmly but there was a glint of worry in his eyes as he surveyed them both for their reactions.

"Yup! If something bad happen, Same-chan and I will take care of Naruto!" And he wielded the big ass sword that was famously known Samehada, while the sword also made his input known with a determined: "Pyun! Pyun!"

"And the bad guys should be scared of my seals, 'ttebayo," in an instant, Naruto was wielding ten different seals and posed menacingly as if he was about to throw them.

(Despite Kurama's disagreement that the child should never in a million years practice Fuuinjutsu again, the Bijuu lost his battle when Naruto sniffed tearfully and told him that it was the only thing he could do to protect his precious people because he couldn't use his Ninjustu skills anymore until Kurama finished fixing his incomplete chakra coils.)

(The time when he manage to do a perfect shunshin when he was trying to escape Minato and he first met Fugaku was a complete fluke because when he tried that technique again, his guts almost exploded when his chakra didn't flow correctly throughout his body because of a blocked coil.)

(Afraid that his adorable Jinchuriki would suddenly ignite his insides, he made the child promise to never use Ninjutsu again until Kurama finished healing Naruto's frayed chakra coils. The time travel experience really did leave a mark on Naruto's body and Kurama vowed that he would heal the blond.)

The Snake Sannin seemed satisfied with their reactions and he kneeled down to be at their level, surprising them with a kiss on their foreheads.

"Good. Nothing will ever make me happier more than the thought of you, my little fox and my little shark, safe with each other."

Naruto's chest was filled with warmth at the fact that their father loved them.

(He couldn't understand how he deserved a thing such as this but he wouldn't exchange this for the world.) 

(This is nice.) 

(So nice.) 

"Oh, and you too, Same-chan," the Sannin added and he gave the pet-sword a gentle pat. 

"Pyun~ Pyun~"

"Kimi da yo kimi nanda yo~" Naruto started the chorus. 

"Oshiete kureta~" Kisame sang the next lyrics.

"Kurayami mo hikaru nara!" The two children belted out and they were about to continue their jamming but Orochimaru interrupted them.

"Hatchlings, we have arrived," and immediately the singing of Hikaru Nara stopped.

'Fucking finally! I don't think I can continue listening to non-stop opening songs from different anime. I swore to Kami-sama that if I hear another rendition of Shinzo wa Sasageyo, I will go full blown berserker mode. Curse you Isayama Hajime, I still can't get over Erwin's death til this day. And now, Hange, I—' Kurama was promptly ignored by Naruto's childish awe at the huge gates of Tanzaku Gai.

It's been three days since they traveled from Konoha to Tanzaku Gai and Naruto was sure to say his farewell to all his friends left at the village.

Saying his goodbye to Tiny-sensei was the easiest (the smol Hatake even heaves a sigh and thanked the heavens that he was about to have a restful week while Naruto and his lot were out of the village. Sakumo-shiro was acting incredibly weird when he told him that they were going to find a cure for his father (the Hatake patriarch has this strange look in his face— like he was about to cry but when Naruto asked why he was looking like that, Kakashi answered that his father was being a love sick idiot, Naruto didn't really understand it but you go Sakumo-shiro! Pursue that love!).

Minato was very surprised when Naruto barged into his and Kushina's date, the blond tackled his parents turned honorary (in Minato's case, illegally adopted) siblings and told them that they're going on a family vacation and next time, they should totally come with them. Naruto didn't forget Fugaku and Hiashi, who were bailed out of the prison after spending a day there contemplating the shit they've done and promised them that he would bring a souvenir for them (the Uchiha and Hyuuga clan heirs vehemently turned his offer down but Naruto would still do it because why? He's Uzumaki Naruto, no one could really stop him when he put his mind into doing something).

(His farewell to Gai-chan consisted a lot of hugging, a speech about blossoming YOUTH! and a promise for Gai to never leave Tiny-sensei alone or the latter would be lonely because of Naruto's absence. Naruto even promised back that he would let Gai-chan meet Kisame-chan when they got back.)

Taking a peak inside Tanzaku Gai while Orochimaru was filling forms given by the guards stationed outside the village to enter the village, Naruto remembered the first time he was here.

He was in a bit of a melancholy when he though that he was with Ero-sennnin when he first got to see Tanzaku Gai. He felt a pin-prick of hurt when realized that the man was alive at this time but Naruto never got to see him. Was he doing spy work? Writing his first drafts of Icha Icha? Being a peeping tom in women's bathhouses?

Or was he with Nagato in Ame? 

Naruto's not the best when it comes to dates and time, so he wasn't sure what his godfather was doing at this timeline. 

(The chibi Uzumaki didn't know that when he was sleeping from Kushina's Bijuu merging with Kurama, the Toad Sannin visited him at the hospital and proceeded to annoy his gloomy teammate about his not-yet adopted son.)

(He also didn't know that he reason why Jiraiya did not approach him at this time yet despite the Sannin's curiosity and interest at his teammate's son was because he was trying to avoid Orochimaru's revenge prank. He was so certain that Orochi-teme would get him back for sabotaging his food supply when the Snake Sannin went to Kumo for his mission— the mission that let the fateful meeting of Orochimaru and Naruto on the boarder of the Land of Fire.)

It was also a bit ironic that he was with Orochimaru now seeking a medic to cure his heart. He remembered that in the future-past, Orochimaru destroyed Tanzaku Gai at the fight he and his teammate shared when the Snake Sannin approached Tsunade to ask her to heal his mangled hands. 

(Something about Tsunade, Orochimaru and healing poked at Naruto's mind funnily but for the life of him, the child failed to discern the implication of these words.) 

"Let's go," Kisame nodded to himself, ensuring that Same-chan was safely tucked on his back, he held Naruto's hand to let his little brother stay beside him as their father finished their paperworks.

Naruto smiled and adjusted the purple scarf in his neck with his free hand before gently clutching his father's yukata and they walked inside the village. 

The blond Uzumaki wished that the medic nin his Tou-san know would agree heal him because he didn't know what he would do if his father died from heart complications.

If the medic nin didn't agree with healing his Tou-san, Naruto believes that without a doubt, he could use the persuasion skill that Kurama always told him to wield like a powerful weapon.

Afterall, if he manage to make his Baa-chan agree to go back to the village and be the Godaime Hokage at the future-past, who is this medic nin to oppose Naruto's wishes to heal his father? 

Somewhere down the road, a horrifying shiver ran through Tsunade's spine while her instincts were yelling at her to hide the fuck away from this world.

The Slug Sannin unceremoniously carried her little charge, ignoring Shizune's surprised yelp at her action, and started running the fuck away to that unknown danger. 

Chapter Text

As Fates' favorite minion, Uzumaki Naruto has an ironic sense of luck. It wasn't to say that he was lucky per se, being treated worse than dirt when he was a kid and facing the goddess Kaguya was not something you would call as lucky, no— Naruto's an unlucky poor soul. But he was so terribly unlucky that it seemed like Fate finally took pity on him.

Yes, he time traveled. But what did he get from such an unlucky event? It's terribly obvious isn't it? He got to have parental bonds with a person he would least expect. An adopted brother who was in his future-past a missing nin that so wanted to extract the Kyuubi in him and leave his body in a ditch. And so many more bonds with person that in his future-past would normally ignore him or treat him like the village nuisance that he was.

Yes, he couldn't control shit of his chakra. But what did he get from such an unlucky event? Boom! Collections of Fuuinjutsu that may or may not destroy the world.

Yes, he's chibified and turned into a five-year-old and constantly missing his seventeen-year-old body. But what did he get from such an unlucky event? Well, he's currently experiencing the childhood that he didn't necessarily imagined how it should be but was getting the best part of it.

So yes, Naruto has an ironic sense of luck. 

It seems that he has to experience something bad first before the situation turned into something everyone would die to have. Really, it's the opposite of Murphy's Law. 

What does his luck entails in his current situation? It just means that his father is currently suffering from a heart condition and that no one should ever play against him.

"Is this even legal?" Kisame asked, staring with confusion in his eyes at the sight of Naruto, surrounded with his winnings and the gathering of crying men.

"Is that even a question, 'ttebayo?" Naruto asked, a devilish grin in his lips when another grown man busted out crying when he threw his cards at the table, "we live in a shinobi village. Legal is a loose term that we should associate with ourselves. I'm surprised that we are even governed by law considering that shinobi continously break it on their missions. Huh. Hypocrisy."

Kurama, watching everything from their shared mindscape was doing his best to not be stressed out at the turn of events.

'Kit, why are you like this? You only say smart things when it favors you.'

"Really? So, you think I'm smart?" Naruto excitedly asked and watched the man shuffling the cards with intense attention. It would be a pain if some of his playmates cheated against him.

'I think you're a menace.'

"Thank you," the blond Uzumaki replied with sweetness in his voice. It was horrendously innocent that Kurama wondered why his kit haven't ruled the world yet. "I don't know what that means, dattebayo." Ah, that's why, he's an idiot again.

When they arrived at Tanzaku Gai, the trio (technically a quarted because Same-chan's considered as part of their family, too) immediately found lodgings where they would stay for the meantime. Orochimaru left them because he would start to look for an information on the medic nin that they were attempting to find and told them that they should rest first. Of course, they followed what their father told them and after ten minutes of nap, they were already feeling fully rested and both wanted to spend the excess energy that they have.

Naruto cheerfully suggested that they should tour around the village and buy somw snacks using the money their father gave them. Kisame agreed because it was his first time at Tanzaku Gai and he felt like Same-chan would want to look around, too.

Five minutes later, Naruto and Kisame were sitting inside a casino, surrounded by drunk gamblers when someone challenged Naruto to a game of cards. This particular person thought that it would be funny to swindle an impressionable kid and look! We could now see that person outside the casino, crying and moaning from his money vanished in one big swoop and for the clothes that he lost against that innocent-looking child.

The patrons of the casino thought that the kid was just having a first time player luck and when they saw the amount of money piled in his table, they had a silent unanimous agreement that they would acquire the child's winnings.

After a particular nasty game of Uno that we would never explain how events from that simple game escalated but it involved a shovel, a single piece of white-hair from a toe of a traveling merchant, a lid from a toilet bowl, a serving of avocado with mustard and a bucket of orange glitter— everyone was now full-on sobbing.

Someone was complaining that he lost his fund for his chicken fights. Someone was crying that he bet his three generation future grandsons against the devil incarnate. Someone was yelling that all those money he lost was for the restoration of Kiri.

But what did Naruto do at the sight of the suffering of these weeping creatures?

Well, the child was enjoying a bowl of ramen spent from his winnings. From his fifteenth bowl, those who watched him devour those salty noodles wouldn't even be surprised if just a month from now, all the riches this child won would turn to dust. But atleast, he could enjoy his ramen with extra toppings of beef and he would not think of the extra money he has to pay for.

"Just make sure that we won't be arrested. You just got out of prison, I don't want to see Oro-san bailing for the three of us," Kisame commented, sipping a banana milkshake with extra helpings of honey.

When people near them heard what Kisame just told Naruto, they could unanimously believed that the child was convicted for his gambling ways. A child, an ex-con for gambling. Tsk. Children these days.

"Can they arrest, Same-chan? They're a weapon and a pet, dattebayo?" Naruto curiosly asked and stared at their pet who's unsurprisingly munching a stalk of celery.

"I dunno. I guess?"

The man from Kiri snuck a glance at the legendary sword and couldn't hold back the whimper that escaped from his lips. These children are terrifying!

"It'll be like a sleepover in prison," Naruto said with pure excitement shining in his eyes at the thought of the three of them inside a prison cell, "we can braid our hair and paint our nails with glitters!"

Kisame envisioned what his brother was saying and he gave him a serious nod. "Yeah. Glitters in nails sounds fun."

Tsunade has a shit sense of luck. Really, it was so shitty that when something good happened to her— it would be so surprising that she would just be paranoid at what it would mean for her.

After running half a day away from the danger she sensed, she found herself outside a casino in Tanzaku Gai.

"Tsunade-sama? I thought we're running away from that danger you felt, why are we in front of it?" Shizune asked, eyeing the establishment with distrust and this sweet child didn't know how correct she was.

"Bah! We're now in a different village. I'm sure that person looking for me will not find me anywhere in the village we just escaped from. And there's nothing dangerous about a casino," the Slug Sannin shrugged her shoulders and shoved the doors open. Being the woman that exceeds the strength of a gorilla (or how Jiraiya thought of Tsunade's strength) the hinges broke and the door literally flew open.

"Alright, bastards, who wants to play against me?!" She announced as she entered.

Tsunade was used to this sort of quiet whenever she made that kind of entrance but what she wasn't used to was the sight of grown men weeping like a newborn child at the dirty and crusty floor of the gambling den. She scanned her eyes to look for the possible perpetrator and the image of golden-haired whiskered kid surrounded by used clothes and bag of money, she immediately decided that this was it.

She trudge her way towards the kid and sat at his table. The kid lifted his head from his ramen and stared at her with surprise and recognition.

Huh. This was the first time that an unknown kid recognized her just from her appearance. But instead of Tsunade seeing that as a warning sign, she ignored it at the thought that she could swindle the hell out of this child.

"Gaki, do you want to play with me?"

Oh, how the Fates were laughing at her now. 

Chapter Text

Tsunade always lost whenever she's gambling. She knew it. She's a sucker when it came to anything that was related to gambling but she wouldn't admit to anyone— even if they could see proof— that she lost.

But in this case, Tsunade finally admitted it.

"... I lost," she slowly admitted, staring at the blond devil with horrified eyes as she remembered what she clearly lost.

Senju Tsunade, what once was a wealthy princess was now a penniless one. Iritated that she wasn't winning a single game of Go Fish against the child, she bet everything she could offer. The blond creature has now the ownership of the Hokage Mountain (yes, the mountain belonged to the Senju and not to Konoha's public property as some kind of agreement between the Senju and Uchiha when they were still first planning the makings of the village), the Senju Clan's main house, Tsunade's secret cellar of to-die-for sake and her Tobirama-ojii's prized koi pond.

She was numbed at the things she lost and felt aggrieved that the child didn't even cheated during their game! It was impossible to be that lucky in gambling! Tsunade found it unfair that the gods of gambling decided to bless this child with their luck yet here she was, almost all of her life, she was known to be a gambler and an unlucky one at that!

Tsunade wanted to strangle the child when he innocently smiled at her. How dare this devil act this adorable?!

"You can have all your money and the things you lost again," the kid started, his companion— also a child but with blue skin— glanced at him like he was understanding what this blond twerp was initiating, "but you will owe me a favor. And I won't give you the mountain back, dattebayo. I like the mountain."

Tsunade's left eye twitched when that verbal tic left the child's mouth again. She was starting to associate 'dattebayo' as a word invented by the devil to make the whole world suffer.

Not one to back down and terribly ashamed that she lost Tobirama-ojii's koi pond against the child (his grand-uncle would roll in his grave if she heard what Tsunade just did), she accepted the child's condition.

(And seriously, she wanted her cellar back. All the good quality sake she knew was there and her heart would break if she lose it all against the snot nosed brat!) 

She leaned back at her seat and crossed her arms in her chest, "fine. What kind of favor do you want?"

The blond one— what was his name again?— stared at her for a minute before he slowly said:

"I want you to heal my father."

"Absolutely not!" Was her immediate response.

She ignored the two children's (and they pet which was clearly the famed sword, Samehada— as to how they acquired that? Tsunade wouldn't ask) defeated look as she glared at them.

"B-but you're Senju Tsunade, right?" The blond one asked.

"I am and how do you know that?"

"You're famous for always loosing in gambling, 'ttebayo—" 

This little piece of shit—

"— and it concerns his heart! Please! He's dying and... and I can't... I can't lose him."

Tsunade was rooted at her spot when the child proceeded to get emotional, his blue-skinned companion tried to console him to no avail.

"I tried reading about his condition, but reading's hard and I can't understand what the book says! I'm useless. I can't even help my father get better, d-dattebayo!" 

Why does the dattebayo sounds heartbreaking now?! 

"Please, Senju-sama," the blue one said (she really need to learn their names), "we just got adopted by him and... We can't lose him. I can't— we can't go back to being alone again." 

And then the blue one cried too.

The weird pet-sword started cooing at them and fuck! She's losing this battle! Tsunade's weak against children! How dare they emotionally manipulate her like this and soften her heart?

Damn these kids.

(Tsunade could feel Shizune's disapproving glare at her side at when the children continued bawling without the sign of stopping.) 

(She was right all along. Casinos were dangerous.). 

(Especially if they're inhabited by a blond devil, his supportive brother and pet-sword.) 

"Alright, fine, fine! Stop crying!" She snapped and was rewarded by the children's silence. "What's his condition?"

The blond one immediately brightened as if he got exactly what he wanted (this twerp!), "his heart always aches from time to time and he has to hold his chest to somehow loosen the pain, 'ttebayo."

The child's diagnosis was a bit vague so she asked, "are you two with him?"

They nodded.

"Let's see him and I'll consider if I will help you."

"We will take you to him, then," the blue one said and strapped the monstrosity of a sword to his back before standing up and holding his brother's hand. "Come on, Naru-chan."

"Uhn, Kisame-chan!"

The two children led them to a hotel room and when they were about to knock on the door, it suddenly opened and what greeted her was not what she was expecting.

"I have been looking everywhere for you!" The frazzled Orochimaru said and to Tsunade's surprise, she was ignored in favor of approaching the two devil children. "Why do the two of you look like you cried? Has something happened?"

Was there a meteor that hit Elemental Nations and ended their existence and Tsunade was just now living in her version of the Pure Lands? Was there? Because the sight unraveling in front of her eyes was something only the kami could make.

Orochimaru was frazzled. There was worry in his eyes as he scanned the children and what the hell was this?!

"Tou-chan, I'm sorry we were late, dattebayo!" The blond (Naru?) threw himself towards Tsunade's teammate and to widen her surprise, the man caught the child and held him close. He beckoned the blue one (Kisame?) towards him and gathered the child in an embrace.

"Am I drunk, Shizune?"

"I don't believe so, Tsunade-sama," the apprentice answered her master.

When they finally stopped the group hug (a group hug initiated by Orochimaru?!), the man took notice of her presence.

"Tsunade? What are you doing with them?" He asked and does that head tilt he always did when confused.

"You're dying?" Was the only thing that she could say as memories of her earlier conversation and their plea registered to her mind.

This was a shared rumor towards shinobi ranks but Konoha nins are all idiots. They were a gathering of an eccentric bunch, required to memorized all regulations that kept them functioning and alive.

Tsunade believed in this rumor but she, never in a thousand years, would expect Orochimaru to be associated with this. Jiraiya's the biggest idiot she knew. And now that she finished diagnosing Orochimaru, she now concluded that he was one too— an idiot, that is. 

"It is dire," Tsunade started, glowing green hands hovering towards her teammate's chest. "Very dire."

"What is it? What kind of illness do I have?"

Everyone that was present in the room gave their attention to Tsunade, waiting for what she was about to say.

"What you have, Oro," Tsunade trailed off, familiar nickname slipping through her lips as she toned her voice to be patient, "is feelings."

The room remained silent. They were all sporting wide-eye look of realization.

The silence stretched until Kisame broke it.

"That makes a lot of sense!" He nodded his head in understanding. 

"How?" Naru glanced at his brother in askance.

Kisame turned his full attention at Naru, "there was a myth at Kiri about a flying baby that randomly shoots arrow at anyone he sees and if you were shot by him, you will be infected by a disease that causes your heart to ache and to skip a beat— the arrow gives its victims strange feelings. It was said that his arrows are all invisible and maybe when you were at Kiri, Oro-san, the flying baby shot you and you didn't see him!"

"How dare him! I don't know who this baby is, dattebayo, but I will make him pay for what he did to Tou-chan!" Naruto screeched and stood up.

The whiskered child approached his father (yes, Orochimaru adopted a child, she still need to unpack that one but later, she'd do that later) and placed his hand at the man's chest where his beating and healthy heart lies.

"We will protect your heart, Tou-chan. Let's go to Kiri and kill that baby, dattebayo," something feral was in the boy's eyes as he swore to kill the flying baby.

"We can't, Naru-chan," Kisame interjected, "we made Kiri explode, remember? For sure, they're angry at us and we can't expose Oro-san to them, not when he's already suffering with his illness. And Sakumo-san... Come to think of it, was Sakumo-san also shot by the flying baby?"

Naru whirled around and his expression was that of horrified realization, "was that why he was acting funny when we invited them to eat dinner with us? Was he hiding his illness?!"

What. 

What? 

What the hell? 

Tsunade and Shizune watched the trainwreck of a family discuss with themselves about flying baby, illness, Sakumo-san's heart maybe skipping a beat and protect Oro-san's heart from invisible arrows when the Slug Sannin finally had enough.

"It's love, you idiots!" She yelled in frustration. "Orochimaru loves you two that's why his heart was like that!"

Silence made its presence known again before it was broken by crying.

"We're the reason why he's sick, 'ttebayo!" 

Chapter Text

Orochimaru was an articulate man. But his ability to speak coherently in any given situation turned null as he stared at his teammate. He didn't know what to say to Tsunade or even how to start a conversation with his friend because he knew that Tsunade was feeling uncomfortable in his presence.

The Snake Sannin already sent his children to bed because even though they had endless energy, from all the occurence that happened earlier this night, they deserved to rest. His children could cause chaos in their wake and Orochimaru loved them for it. It was entertaining watching everyone reacting and trying to fix the mayhem Naruto and Kisame made (and oh, he'd never forget that Samehada joined his children, too). Sometimes, he was also trying to add to the craziness around him and acted as if everything was completely fine and that his children weren't wrecking havoc. It was amusing how the people that surrounded him were befuddled by his sudden change of attitude.

Thanks to his hatchlings, Orochimaru realized how fun it was to antagonize everyone around him.

The Snake Sannin was woken up from his musings when Tsunade took a gulp of her drink and said the first thing that was running through her mind.

"Are you going to force me and drag me to come back home?"

Typical Tsunade. It was ironic how she always tried to teach him how to dull the sharpness of his words when she was this brash and bullheaded. She once said that his words were too blunt for others to listen to and it was quite insensitive of him to say the thoughts running through his mind. Orochimaru knew that Tsunade was just looking out for him when she said that because there were situations when his words caused them trouble and he commend hie teammate for that. The only problem was that Tsunade was just like him. Their words could cut a person open with how hurtful it sometimes were.

"No one forces us to do anything, Tsunade," Orochimaru calmly answered.

The Senju Princess scoffed, "how dastardly of you to say that when all our lives we're controlled by a hypocritical system and its people."

Orochimaru hummed and proceeded to pour himself some tea. He let silence enveloped them for a few minutes, him; enjoying his tea and Tsunade; gulping large servings of alcohol. He brought his teacup down at the table and lifted his eyes to look at his friend.

"That may be so, we might have been controlled by the system but remember that it was our choice," Orochimaru stated. "It was our choice to be what and who we are today and how we live our life. We chose to be puppets but we had the chance of quitting. We had the chance of disobeying our orders and we didn't. And do you know why that was? Because we did not know better. We didn't know that the path we took would lead to death and destruction when all our lives being a shinobi were glorified by those people who wanted power. We were blinded by that honor and wanted to be part of that blood-filled history."

The Snake Sannin took a deep breath. "How funny that we are surrounded by choices but we still picked to be this— broken." He let his words be absorbed by Tsunade before we continued. "We always had a way out. Years ago, Jiraiya decided that he wanted out and he did— he left and tried to live with his orphaned students, letting himself believe that that was what he was meant for. And just weeks ago, you wanted out, too. Packed your bags and Dan's niece with you, wallowing yourself with grief and drowning yourself with your vices. I had that chance, too. If I wanted to, I could join you, too. I could leave the village and everything behind me. But I did not. And that was my choice. I decided that. Not the system. Not the Hokage. But me."

Tsunade glared at him and the sake bottle shattered at her hand at how tight she was holding it. Orochimaru watched as how Tsunade tried to reign in her anger.

"What are trying to imply, Orochimaru?" Tsunade asked in a dangerous voice. "That Dan died because he wanted to? That my clan slowly diminished because they decided to?"

Without hesitation, Orochimaru answered: "Yes."

The Slug Princess lost her battle and punched the table between them. She clutched Orocimaru's robes and brought his face close to her. In this distance, the Snake Sannin could see how angry his teammate was but the emotion that he saw running rampant though Tsunade's eyes were grief and sorrow. It was covered by her angry and how she tried to hide how his words affected her by being violent towards him.

"How dare you," the woman whispered—voice in the brink of dangerously breaking.

But Orochimaru was not fazed by the Senju's act. He knew Tsunade. And he knew how to bring her out of this act.

"Dan died because he sacrificed his life to protect the village. The Shodai died trying to preserve his dream— the village he built. The Nidaime died paving a way for a new generation to continue his legacy. The Senju died because they were a clan filled with medic and front line fighters that tried to fought a war without knowing whether they would win or not," Orochimaru listed and he did not care even if Tsunade's grip on his clothes were tightening and her knuckles were turning white.

He did not know why he was doing this. Orochimaru was not certain why he was saying this things when normally, he would remain silent and let Tsunade do whatever she wants.

But he felt like he owed it to her.

It was with part vindication (because she left him, and he was hurthurthurt, she deserved it) that he was hurting his teammate by stating what was the truth and adding fuel to her grief and part compassion that he was letting Tsunade see the things she decided to be blind to.

"... And Nawaki died not because he desired it. But just like what we once were, he did not know better. But I know better— and instead of guiding him away from the path we took, I lead him to it," the Sannin whispered and he could feel Tsunade's grip loosening at the mention of his brother's name. "And everyday, I regretted what I did. Everyday, I remind myself that I sent my student to his death and the only thing I could do for him was to remember him and to live by his ideals. Nawaki was a great child, Tsunade. He was so young and the only thing he dreamed of was to protect the village he grew up in... How awful would it be if I could not carry his wishes? And spit on the very thing he wished to protect?"

There were many things that Orochimaru regretted. But the biggest one was that he could not be a better teacher for his students. That he too once glorified being a shinobi and did not teach them that they had a way out. That being a shinobi would give them nothing but pain and heartache. And he was damn too late to realize that it was his fault those children died.

He was their teacher.

He was supposed to guide them. But he did not. And all of them were deaddeaddeaddeadead—

Tsunade laughed and it was not pleasant one.

"Don't be foolish, Orochimaru. It's not like you to own up to everything and to start blaming yourself! You are not selfless and stop trying to act one!"

As she yelled, anger was slowly fading from her frame. It was odd but Orochimaru knew that it was so like Tsunade to yell not in anger but in sorrow.

"I am not selfless and I know that," the Sannin tried explaining. "Nor am I selfish enough to be angry at you for leaving. That when you left, I thought that I was not enough of a reason for you to stay... Because I understood how much you lost. Everyone copes differently with loss and maybe running away was yours. I didn't try to bring you back to the village even when the Hokage ordered me to. You deserved to escape. You deserved to stand by your decisions and I am not here to try and force you to come back because I am not that selfish. I will not try to change your mind because you chose that and no one forced you to do that—"

Orochimaru sighed and ran a shaking hand through his hair.

He felt so tired.

He didn't even know why he was doing this.

(Was he even making any sense? Was he getting through Tsunade's think skull? Was he making his teammate realize that he could feel emotions, too?) 

He could not even understand the words that came out from his mouth now because the only thing running through his mind was that Tsunade left him and did it hurt to be faced with the reality that his remaining people willed to be away from him.

He did not know that he was this affected by everyone's abandonment.

(Turns out there were many things he did not know and finding them out through this reality burns.) 

He closed his eyes and tried to calm himself down. It was unbecoming of him to be controlled by his emotions.

How embarrassing.

The Sannin stood up from his seat and patted his clothes down, trying to smoothen the wrinkles Tsunade's grip made. If his children saw him in this state, the would no doubt worry and Orochimaru did not want that to happen. He just knew that they would overreact and make a big deal out of this.

"It's odd that I am lecturing you about free will—" Orochimaru mused and shook his head with a silent laugh, "— when between the two of us, I was the one that never really considered that concept."

The man started walking away from his teammate and their broken table when he looked back to tilt his head and say:

"I guess this is goodbye then," he softly said. "Tomorrow, we will leave and this will be the last thing you will see me... I am sorry for hurting you and thank you for identifying my illness... Take care, Tsunade. Do not drink too much."

As he walked out of the pub, Orochimaru thought that his team was always a recipe for disaster. All of them were a strange concoction of stubbornness and pride. Clashing with each another would just lead to either broken bones, bloody nose or a broken heart. And this time, maybe the result was the latter and Orochimaru could not muster up the energy to regret everything he said.

Maybe stating that he was an articulate man was a lie. Because finding the right words to match a situation has never been his field when he always had a hard time comprehending human emotions and understanding himself.

When they left Tanzaku Gai the next day, Orochimaru tried to convince himself that it was fine that Tsunade decided to stay. That it was alright that he still wasn't enough for her to come back.

It was fine.

He was Orochimaru.

He would be fine.

He has his children with him. He should not beg the people that left him to come back and to never ever leave again (no matter how much he desperately wanted to) because that was just plain childish.

He already has everything he could hope for. 

And it was fine.

It really is.

(It was not.)

(And it never will be.) 

Chapter Text

It was very late at night and Sakumo was sharing a drink with Jiraiya in the house's veranda when a sudden blur of yellow attacked him.

Years of being a trained shinobi made him reach for his attacker but the familiar scent that wafted through his nose prevented him from actually harming the child now clinging at his neck.

"Shiro-san! It's good to see you, dattebayo! I missed you and I have souvenirs for you! I hope you miss me too because if you didn't, I'll be sad. How are you? Are you okay? Is everything fine, 'ttebayo? Are you feeling well—and oh, kami! Tsunade-baachansaidyou'resickandinfectedwithadisease—"

Sakumo tried to listen to Naruto's word vomit but after the first five sentences, he really couldn't understand what the kid's been saying. Naruto's words became faster and faster and his hold to Sakumo turned tighter and tighter as he went by. Sakumo was saved from death via strangulation when Jiraiya gave a boisterous laugh and plucked the kid from his neck.

He was really happy to see the child again because it's been a week since he last saw the energetic child. The last time they saw each other, Naruto was saying his farewell to him and Kakashi and told them that they were about to go on a journey to find a solution to Orochimaru'd heart problems. In complete honesty, there were nights when Sakumo was unable to sleep because he couldn't stop thinking about how the little family was fairing and wishing that they find someone who could help Orochimaru. It would be a total shame if the Sannin's heart condition was a terminal one. His kids will be heartbroken and Sakumo would just admit this to himself but he would be, too. If (kami forbid) Orochimaru died, Sakumk didn't know what he would do. 

Sakumo was not even certain if he should act on his feelings towards the raven-haired man or he would just hide it and tried to squash it down. When he did the latter, his feelings just grew and he admitted defeat when at the third day he hasn't saw the man, he missed him like crazy. 

Look at him now, feeling pathetic that he's even thinking of these kind of things! Way to go, Sakumo! You're an absolute mess! 

(Pondering back on Naruto's words... It's Shiro-san now? What's happened to his ridiculous nickname and it was shortened?) 

"Slow down and breathe, chibi! No one's chasing after you," Jiraiya chided Naruto in a light tone and placed the kid at his lap.

Sakumo took a lungful of breath and shot his friend a look of gratitude. Jiraiya grinned at him then gave the blond his full attention.

"What's this about Tsunade saying Sakumo's infected with a disease?" The Toad Sannin inquired.

Sakumo's infected with what, now?

(And how in the name of kami did Jiraiya understood what Naruto blurted out?!) 

The Hatake stared with wide eyes at the totally calm child. Why was Naruto acting like the thought that he was infected with a disease was nothing? And why was he infected again? What disease? Wha.. How?

"Can you tell us how that happened?" Jiraiya surprisingly asked in a gentle tone. 

"Uhn!" The child enthusiastically bobbed his blond head. "We went to Tanzaku Gai to meet with Tou-san's medic friend. He left us in our hotel but Kisame-chan, Same-chan and I decided to go sightseeing and so, we went to a casino. We won so much money, dattebayo, and Tsunade-baa challenged us (I didn't even know that she was there) in a game and I won that one, too! I am now the owner of the Hokage Mountain, ha! I'm too awesome! And-and I also won a favor from her and I asked her to heal Tou-san. But then she told us that he was just experiencing love and he's not having a heart condition. I remembered that you were having weird symptoms that's a wee bit different from Tou-san but completely the same thing. So, I now diagnosed you as having an infectious disease of love, 'ttebayo!"

Naruto's explanation was long and he had so much to unpack from all of that (because what? He owns the Hokage Mountain? The Senju owned that part of land? And Tsunade-hime just used it as a betting tool? What?!) but he was more focused on the last part.

How.

How did Naruto know that? Was Sakumo's feelings towards Orochimaru that obvious?!

Sometimes, Sakumo forgets that Naruto's an Uzumaki. That Clan's famous for their insights. Naruto may be oblivious on how he affected the world around him but he really was insightful when it comes to emotions. He didn't know how that was possible but when it comes to Naruto, Sakumo wasn't even surprised anymore.

The child could do anything if he put his mind into it.

Sakumo was shaken out of his reverie to deny what the child said because he couldn't have Jiraiya having funny thoughts now. The teasing would be endless.

"Love? That's not a disease, Naruto," Sakumo said with an indulgent smile.

"Yes, it is. Love is a disease because it makes us do things that we would normally won't do just to make the person we love happy. And it's infectious, too, because when we love someone and show it to them, it take a bit of a time but they will also be infected with that disease. It's not like it's hard to reciprocate love if we're being honest about it, dattebayo," the child explained seriously.

The Hatake patriarch was surprised at how deep the child was and he was about to commend him when he continued.

"I know you love Tou-san, so you should show him how you feel for him," Naruto said like it was a trivia and Sakumo almost had a heart-attack. "He tries to hide it but he's really sad. So, as a person who loves him, please try to make him happy, Shiro-san. Give him flowers."

"W-wha... Flowers?" Sakumo was dumbfounded and he jusy knew that his whole face was burning up.

He risked an eye at Jiraiya and saw the shaggy-haired man grinning maliciously at him, eyes ablazed with humor and something dreadful. Oh, curse it! He would never hear the end of this!

"Uh-huh," Naruto nodded nonchalantly like he didn't just shattered a piece of Sakumo's dignity. "Tou-san loves plants. It calms him and makes him happy. Kisame-chan and I planned to buy him lots and lots of plants because of it. By the way, Shiro-said, where's Tiny-sensei? I planned to surprise him with a sleepover! I hope he wasn't too lonely when I was gone because he has Gai-chan with him."

Refusing to think about Naruto knowing how he felt about Orochimaru and his suggestion to give the man flowers, Sakumo cringed at the child's plan.

Kakashi was far from lonely from the past week. Gai-kun was... a bit energetic and literally brightens every room he walks into.

"He's at his room, Naruto. I don't know if he's sleeping but try not to disturb him too much, okay?"

"Uhn!"

Then the before the child disappeared, he grabbed Jiraiya and motioned for him to listen to what he was about to say.

"I know you also love Tou-san, so please give him flowers, too."

Jiraiya tilted his head curiously, "how can you tell that I love, Oro-teme?" 

"You're friends, right? Friends love each other. That's just obvious, Ero-sennin. Good night, dattebayo!" 

Sakumo was not certain if the love Naruto was talking about was platonic or not. Because his advice of giving the Snake Sannin flowers was given to the both of Sakumo and Jiraiya. Maybe he could escape his friend's teasing with that excuse?

"So..." Jiraiya sipped his sake and broke the silence. "You and Oro-teme, huh? How did that happen?"

Damn it.

Kakashi was finally at peace. He finally managed to escape Gai and his incessant lecture about YOUTH! and was about to have his first peaceful sleep for the whole week when the doors to his room forcefully opened.

"Tiny-sensei, I missed you! Did you miss me—"

And his hard-earned peace was torn away from him by his number one peace disruptor, tearing his warm blanket away from him and hugging him as if his life depended on it.

(It's already late at night! Why was Gai and this idiot sunshine not giving him the time to sleep?!)

(At this moment, Kakashi really had a strong urge to crush some sunflowers as a form of revenge.) 

Chapter Text

As of late, Naruto felt like he was being useless. It was a very random feeling and so self-deprecating that he wanted to immediately vanish it when it first started blooming in his chest. But case in point, he was feeling useless and he didn't even know why.

The answer came to him one morning when he was playing with Gai.

"NARUTO, MY SPRIGHTLY FRIEND! YOU ARE GETTING GOOD AT OUR GAME!" Gai gave a boisterous laugh and patted Naruto.

The Jinchuriki huffed. He wiped his sweaty forehead and laughed.

"Uhn! It's such a waste Tiny-sensei refused to play with us."

"MY YOUTHFUL RIVAL WILL PLAY WITH US NEXT TIME! I ASSURE YOU! IF HE DOESN'T, I WILL CLIMB THE HOKAGE MOUNTAIN TEN TIMES USING ONLY MY HANDS AND WITH A BLINDFOLD!"

Naruto's eyes sparkled at Gai's enthusiasm. Climbing the Hokage Mountain with Gai's condition would surely be dangerous, deadly to civilians even. But if anyone could do it, it would surely be Gai. Naruto believed it.

They were playing 'Hide and Youth' for almost all afternoon now. It's an enthusiastic game of Hide and Seek but when the hider finished finding a place to hide, they would yell 'Youth' three times at the top of their lungs, giving the seeker a hint on where their located at. It was a bit grueling as time passes because Naruto and Gai had a competition on the most obscure places they could hide.

(Gai won that contest when he hid himself at the Hyuuga Clan Head's house. It was a surprise that Gai wasn't caught when he was yelling YOUTH very loudly but was apprehended when he accidentally wandered at the kitchen and saw Naruto snooping there, looking for him. The looks on everyone's faces when they saw them was a memory to remember. They were scolded for two hours by a bunch of angry Hyuugas, their Byakugan activated, veins bulging at the side of their eyes and instead of words, some were actually plainly hissing at them.)

(It was amazing.)

(They managed to escape that situation without harmful repercussions by pure luck when the Clan Heir, Hyuuga Hisashi, saw Naruto and proceeded kick them out of his clan compound, throwing prayers and talisman against bad luck and evil spirits in their way.)

(Naruto still has a persistent talisman glued in his back.)

The two friends continued laughing with each other.

Suddenly, Naruto caught a glimpse of orange in his peripheral vision. The sight of orange tinted goggles first mesmerized Naruto but as he saw the owner of the particular eye wear, Naruto's throat quickly constricted.

The feeling of uselessness came back ten fold and for a moment, Naruto couldn't breathe.

"G-gai." If Naruto's voice sounded strangled, Gai didn't take notice of it. 

"HMM?"

"Who...who's that?" And the blond pointed at the direction of the boy he was staring at.

"OH, THAT'S OBITO! HE'S A CLASSMATE! SHALL I INVITE HIM TO OUR YOUTHFULL GAME! I THINK I SHALL! THE SPRING OF FRIENDSHIP WILL BLOOM ON THE THREE OF US!" And he walked towards the direction of the Uchiha with the intention of convincing him to play with them. 

When Gai returned after inviting Obito, Naruto was gone.

'Aren't you being a bit impulsive, kit? This isn't a decision you should take lightly,' Kurama prodded Naruto.

'I have pondered on it, Kurama. I made my decision and I will stand by it.'

'Bah! Pondered? You liar. Have you forgotten I can hear your thoughts? There was no pondering that happened! You just made your decision without further thinking  on what the consequences your actions will cause!' Kurama roared, irritated at his charge. 'Have you even thought of what your snake father would feel if he knew that you're going to leave them?!'

Naruto stopped packing, sealing scrolls littered at the top of his futon.

"I won't leave them forever forever." He wasn't sure if he was trying to convince the Bijuu or himself. "I will come back."

Naruto learned why he was feeling useless.

Here he was, being complacent with his place at Konoha. He now has a father, a brother, friends, a home and family he could call his— everything he used to wish he had when he was younger. Naruto enjoyed every moment he had, basking in the warmth and love he received from people he least except it from and because of that, he forgot why he was here.

He forgot that he had a mission he assigned for himself.

He ignored the thought of the future. The pain, the suffering, the loss everyone would receive at the future that would surely come if he didn't try to prevent it from happening.

He forgot about everyone else's pain when he was so busy thinking about himself.

Naruto realized that he was so selfish. He was happy. He is happy. But would everyone else be? Would they blame him if they learned that he was currently being selfish?

Seeing the younger Obito smiling freely woke Naruto from the daze of happiness and of home. He remembered that in the near future, Obito would stop smiling because everything and everyone would be taken away from him. That Kakashi would forever blame himself for that incident.

That Naruto was busy playing, laughing and selfishly having everything for himself that he didn't pause for a second to think about what would happen in the future. Even if in the end, the war and conflict was solved— Naruto has the chance to prevent that from happening. Yet, here he was, doing nothing about it!

He was so useless!

(Naruto imagined Kakashi looking at him with an angry glare. Blaming him for doing nothing to stop his pain.) 

(Naruto saw Obito looking at him, one socket empty and bleeding. His lips unsmiling.) 

(And when his mind conjured an image of an angry Orochimaru— Naruto stopped the bilw from rising in his throat.)

(Nononostopstoppleasestopdon'tdon'tpleaseplease—) 

'You are being unreasonable, Naruto. You are the most selfless person that I know. You are so, so selfless that I always hate it and right now, even if you think yourself selfish, you aren't. You're not. You're not.' There was something strange in Kurama's voice. Naruto thought that he sounded pleading but that wasn't right, Kurama would never do that.

And he's wrong, Naruto was selfish abd he knew that. He accepted that fact. And it's time to do something about it.

'No matter what I say, you won't change your mind, will you?'

Naruto shook his head, 'I need to do this.'

The blond heard Kurama sighing.

'I still haven't finished fixing your chakra coils. I will remind you that you still can't use a large amount of chakra. If you died on me, kit, I will kill myself to hunt you down at the Purelands and strangle you to death.'

Naruto laughed, "silly, Kurama! Did you forget that if I died, you will die, too?"

'That's why you shouldn't die, you idiot!'

He started packing again, ignoring Kurama's constant yelling in his mind. He's just being silly again. 

Naruto silently closed the door and slowly walked towards his father's bed. He peered at the man occupying the bed and saw Orochimaru looking up at him. Being a light sleeper, he was already awake when he heard Naruto's footsteps padding in the wooden floor towards the direction of his room. 

"Have trouble sleeping?" The Sannin asked, lifting his blanket and silently inviting his son to join him. Naruto heeded the silent request without futher complaint and he immediately stuck his face at the man's cold neck.

Naruto breathed.

(Homehomehomehomehome.)

"You feel..." Orochimaru trailed off, thinking what the right word was but came up with a simple one, "sad."

Naruto didn't answer. For the first time, refusing to talk about himself. He just continued seeking his father's comfort. He was thankful that Orochimaru didn't prod for an answer, accepting his silence. The man adjusted his position to let Naruto rest comfortably at his side, closing his eyes for a much needed rest.

"... Tou-chan?" Naruto suddenly called.

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"And I to you."

Naruto closed his eyes.

("It's just facing an old Uchiha Madara. Surely, they could settle everything with a calm talk between gulps of ramen. What could go wrong?" Was Naruto's last thought before letting himself succumb to sleep.)

(Kurama with all the willpower he could gather, stop himself from gnashing his teeth and yelling, 'EVERYTHING!') 

Chapter Text

As a rule spoken only in hushed voices— as it tends to summon the subject and the devil of said rule— an Uchiha should never fuck with an Uzumaki. And that rule was meant to be taken as literal or as figurative as possible. If an Uzumaki was near the vicinity of any Uchiha Clan members, the latter should stop whatever they're doing and ran the hell away from those redheads as fast as possible.

The ability of the Uzumaki Clan to possess madness even astounded and impressed the Uchiha cCan that they were left wondering as to how could such thing be possible. The Uchiha in general were a bit screwed in the head as it was the result of their dojutsu but the Uzumaku had none of that excuse. It was as if they were born to propagate (yes, some were literally promoting it) chaos in their wake and everybody would be swept away with it, resulting in more insanity and pleading for the Uzumaki to just stop existing already— why were you born the way you are? What the fuck is wrong with your clan? I swear to Amaterasu-sama—

It did not come as a surprise that some villages bonded to destroy that kami-forsaken Clan. Genocide was not really the best way to stop that deranged Clan but it was for the best. One way or another, if the Uzumaki were left standing in their island, Madara was certain that they would find a way to fuck with the collective minds of the whole of Elemental Nations just for shit and giggles.

(He also wasn't suprised that Hashirama would marry an Uzumaki. The Uzumaki princess at that. It seemed as if almost all of Hashirama's braincells were possessed by that white Senju bastard and the remaining one and a half braincell in Hashirama functioned only to remind him to pee, take a shit and smile in that irritatingly goofy way of his. Of course Hashirama would marry Uzumaki Mito. Of course that son of a bitch would intermingle someone from that insane clan and he would turn all gooey whenever he spoke of that redhead twin bun menace.) 

(How Hashirama managed to bag an Uzumaki?)

(Madara had no idea at all and he wasn't willing to risk the remaining sanity he had left to poke that issue.)

Uchiha learned their lesson with the Uzumaki. 

There were many cases that they never spoken outloud about why the Uchiha made that rule but the most memorable was how they managed to make the Uchiha pack their bags and relocate the whole clan.

It wasn't really popularly known but the Uchiha and Uzumaki used to be neighbors. But the case that made them relocate was full of madness that Madara didn't want to remember. His father told him that story that was passed down through generations. Long story short it involved a chopstick, one fully-functioning Sharingan eye, five strands of curly red nostril hair, a marriage contract between that time's current Clan Heads, a single shogi piece, six missing toes and a broken fish pond.

Because of that cursed Clan, the Uchiha Clan relocated at an empty plot of land in the Fire Country. But what they didn't know was that they were neighbors with the Senju Clan and  the feud between the Senju and Uchiha started because of the Uzumaki.

(It didn't exactly start because of the Uzumaki, nobody really knew what the reason of the feud was, but the Uchiha would not choose a different place to live if it weren't for that demented Clan.) 

The story was so outrageous that Madara didn't believe it at first but when the Clan Elders told him that it was real, starting that day, Madara swore to himself that he would never talk let alone look at an Uzumaki again. 

So of course, he almost had a heart attack when he felt someone tugging his the end of his robe and saw a small blond boy smiling sunnily up at him.

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto, dattebayo!" The child chirped.

Chirped. As if he was happy that he saw Madara.

Him. Uchiha fucking Madara. A child was happy to see him. 

(When Madara said that he almost had a heart attack— he meant that he literally had a heart attack.)

"Don't scare me like that, Ojii-san!" The blond complained as if he was the one who had a heart stop beating just ten minutes ago.

Madara ignored the child in favor of calmly drinking his water and surreptitiously scooting away from the child sitting in front of him.

Madara's day started good. He was buying his groceries at a store in Takigakure because even though he lived inside a cave, he's no heathen and still wished to consume normal food.

(In reality, Madara was content with rabbit stew. The environment outside his cave was abundant with rabbit holes and habitat, so he had endless supply for a stew but whenever he cooked one, Zetsu would turn all feral and sensitive about it. Madara was clueless as to why that was and chucked it up to Zetsu's overall creepiness.)

So, yes, he was on his grocery run when he encountered an Uzumaki who shouldn't exist in the first place!

Their Clan was obliterated for Amaterasu's sake! Madara, in his plan to conquer the world and bring peace, took census of the remaining Uzumaki to make sure that no redhead would destroy his step-by-step plan. And in his list, there were only three remaining survivor of that clan (which includes Uzumaki Kushina; whom he would need to erase later on, Uzumaki Nagato; whom he placed his Rinnegan on for him to kill Hanzo, and that one girl in Kusagakure that was used as a medical tool by their village).

Nowhere was a blond Uzumaki, who approximately looked like a five-year-old, written in that list!

Oh, he didn't doubt that the child in front of him was an Uzumaki. He has his own verbal tick. And even though he wasn't a redhead, Madara was sure that the world gave him a blond hair just to fuck with Madara and his Clan.

(And he even had that forsaken whiskers! Because the Uzumaki liked to keep to themselves, some of them possessing whisker-like scars wasn't a common knowledge.)

Madara rubbed his chest.

He couldn't just kill an Uzumaki, you know? Despite abandoning his Clan, he's still an Uchiha through and through. Killing an Uzumaki was a bad omen. The protocol was for him to run away! 

The child having a blond hair and not the famed red just adds to the bad juju-ness of the whole act.

Madara wasn't listening to the child, who continued to babble endless nonsense, telling him about how he lost his way looking for him but when he uttered something completely out of the blue, Madara's attention was instantly on him.

"You should stop your megalomini... megalomimimi... megalo plans, ya know?" The child blurted out.

"Oh?" Madara darkly asked, his idea of not killing the child thrown completely out of the windows. "And what plans are you talking about?"

"Your plan to kill everyone, dattebayo. You should stop it, Ojii-san."

At this point, there was thick tension surrounding the two of them. The five-year-old staring at him with blue crystalline serious eyes and him, the ninety-something old man, staring back with slightly unhinged Sharingan eyes.

Madara didn't ask how or why the kid knew him or his plans. The fact that this tiny blond child unflinchingly looked at his activated Sharingan eyes reassured Madara that this one was a bad juju on a different scale.

(A five-year-old possessing balls of steel. This one was the result of the decimated Uzumaki Clan's own brand of insanity.)

"Why should I?"

"Why shouldn't you?" The child replied.

Madara stared. The child stared back. 

It has been almost a minute since silence enveloped them and their impromptu staring match started. Madara took pity at the child when he noticed that the kid's blue eyes were starting to tear up but it was evident that he didn't want to lose because he still had to kept them unblinkingly.

"You have a valid point," Madara finally said.

The child broke eye contact and rubbed his eyes with tiny fist.

(Death would be much better than admitting that the sight in front of Madara was adorable.)

"Tell me more," Madara prompted and he was rewarded with a terrifying grin.

(He wasn't letting the child convince him out of his carefully carved out plan because he was afraid what a blond Uzumaki would do to him and to the world.)

(He wasn't.)

(He also wasn't letting the child convince him out of his carefully carved out plan because this was his first decent talk in what would've been decades now and he was feeling lonely.)

(He wasn't, okay?)

(Uchiha Madara was above trivial things such as feelings.) 

Chapter Text

It was a dark and stormy night... Well, not really— it was actually morning, a very lovely morning. The birds were chirping merrily, the morning breeze was cool to the skin, the sun was shining brightly, the market was filled with merchants displaying their wares and interested civilians staring at it, the Academy was slowly being filled with shinobi aspirants and the Hokage Tower was already buzzing with activities from shinobi and civilian personage alike.

It was a normal morning. 

(But!) 

(As we all now come to find out, nothing in Konoha of this time was really normal— now that a certain stubborn blond Jinchuriki decided to stay.) 

The pretend normality abruptly went on a halt around the vicinity of the Hokage Tower when they all felt a surging miasma of killing intent radiating from the Hokage's office.

(Somewhere in the Hatake Compound, a small Hatake suddenly had a feeling that a storm was coming despite the clear skies and sunny day.)

(Kakashi had this strange urge to strangle the sun. It was odd. A very, very odd urge that was always his warning to the chaos that an acquaintance of his would bring.)

(Kakashi stopped his katas and went to the house and checked his emergency provisions in case the Elemental Nations suddenly went off the the map. At this point on, he learned to trust his instincts.)

"What do you mean I cannot follow him?" Orochimaru asked with a calm smile painted in his lips. He was the picture perfect of calmness but the killing intent radiating from him begged to differ.

Hiruzen sighed and massaged his temples, it hasn't even been an hour since the sun rose and he was already suffering from a particular massive headache induced by Orochimaru and his legally kidnapped children.

"Kiri exploded and they still trying to recover from the aftermath of your mission. Training Ground 44 is still burning with glitter and the sanctioned shinobi tasked to put out the fire gave up hope of completing their mission," Hiruzen reminded his student. "I already gave you permission to leave for Tanzaku Gai last week. If you leave now and the other villages saw Kiri exploding, the Training Ground 44 eternally burning and you leaving as their cue to start another war, you will steal Konoha's chance to stay protected."

It was a simple and reasonable explanation that even a green Genin could come up with and understand when given all the circumstances. It's not that Hiruzen was undermining the intelligence of his student. No, he would never do that especially when it comes to Orochimaru. But Hiruzen first handed understood how strong emotions could cloud judgment and he would never risk Orochimaru experiencing that— given that Hiruzen knew how much Orochimaru would risk for his child.

"Naruto is out there. Alone," Orochimaru said in a quiet way, his voice coming almost in a rasp that was always a warning that he was about to commit something horrific.

Hiruzen looked towards the piece of paper his student was holding in an almost protective manner. He internally winced when he remembered the words written in it. 

"Planning to eat ramen with Uchiha Madara! Be back in three days, dattebayo!"

When Hiruzen first saw it and Orochimaru explained that it was left in the pocket of his sleeping yukata, the Sandaime had no doubt as to the owner of the note. It wasn't really the 'dattebayo' in the note nor the glitters and orange coloured paper that clued him in, rather it was the distressed look Orochimaru was sporting when he barged in his office. His distress wasn't obvious to those who didn't know him but Hiruzen spent his early Hokage years teaching the Snake Sannin. 

Said Sannin's hair was left imperfect and looked uncombed— something that Orochimaru would never do, he was a perfectionist through and through and letting others see just an inch of ruffle in his appearance always irritated him. And when he was explaining how Naruto snuck to his room last night to sleep with him, there was a discernable stutter in his words. Orochimaru as a child had a hard time speaking with his speech impediment and the traits he acquired in his Clan inclined with snakes. When Hiruzen first met him, Orochimaru sometimes hissed with his words and when he tried to prevent that from happening, he stuttered and bit his tongue.

It took two years for Orochimaru to stop his stutter with lots of practice and determination to perfectly pronounce his Jutsu, but when he was feeling distinctly upset, it would come up from time to time.

The last time Hiruzen heard his student stutter was at Nawaki's funeral.

And Orochimaru never entered a room without knocking. It was a clear sign of his distress that he barged in his office like Tsunade. 

As much as Hiruzen wanted for his student to find his wayward child, he couldn't risk it for the safety of Konoha. He adored Naruto even with the mayhem that came within him.

Oh, he didn't doubt the content of his note. If someone was to resurrect Uchiha Madara just to have ramen with him, it would surely be Naruto. Hiruzen already accepted that he would never understand the complexity that came with the boy.

But the thought that if he let Orochimaru wander the entirety of Elemental Nations with no plan whatsoever on his destination nor a time for him to come back was something Hiruzen didn't want.

It took three days for Iwa and Kumo to destroy Uzu. The village was situated on an island surrounded by eddies and whirlpool. Hiruzen trusted Konoha's defenses but if other hidden villages exploited Kiri's destruction and a part of Konoha's forest burning as a weakness, they would no doubt start another war and they would start with what they perceive as the weakest of the link.

"My absence would not weaken Konoha. I am not the only shinobi capable of protecting the village."

"No, you aren't," Hiruzen agreed and gave his student a piercing stare. "But let's admit that with Tsunade gone, Jiraiya's erratic visits, the decrease of Hatake and Senju, you as a Sannin is one of Konoha's strongest protector. I am the first and last defense of the village, if something happens to me, I trust you to lead Konoha in my stead."

The implications of his words weren't lost on Orochimaru as his student's eyes sharpened minutely and his lips tightened in a slight grimace.

"I want a compromise," the Snake Sannin declared as if he wasn't speaking to his sworn Hokage.

Hiruzen sighed and tilted his head as a sign for his student to continue.

"If Naruto is still not home in three days, I will leave the village him."

It was left unsaid but the fact that Orochimaru did not care for the consequences of his actions was evident to Hiruzen, nor the fact that Naruto, his anchor, would cause him to leave the village.

Hiruzen nodded his head in acquiescence, it was the only thing he could do, and watched as his student stormed out of his office without an acknowledgement of farewell.

Wherever the blond Uzumaki was, Hiruzen prayed that he was safe and unharmed. He hoped that he come home soon or an worried father would razed the Elemental Nations to the ground.

(When Naruto did come back, on the exact third day of Orochimaru's compromise, Hiruzen wanted to give the hat away.)

(He didn't know how Naruto managed to travel to Takigakure then come back to Konoha in a span of three days.)

(Nor did he know how Naruto managed to acquire himself an aged Uchiha fucking in Madara.)

(Nor how Naruto convinced everyone that the clearly aged Uchiha Madara wasn't Uchiha Madara but "Dara-ojii", a wandering ophthalmologist from Takigakure whose favorite food was rabbit stew and has an unhealthy obsession to Senju Hashirama.)

(Hiruzen didn't know why everyone believed him.) 

Chapter Text

"Ucheeha Madala," the Hyuuga assigned to man the gates deadpanned. "Your name is Ucheeha Madala?"

"Precisely," Madara replied, the blond devil Uzumaki nodding sagely at his side. 

"Any relations to the Uchiha whatsoever?"

"The Uchiha? Who're those?" Naruto replied, completely playing the confused child. Madara withheld a sigh, the child's going off script. The plan was to play dumb but not that dumb.

The Hyuuga was still looking at them, disbelieving and his partner, an Aburame was staring at the distance as if pondering the realities of life.

"... Right," the Hyuuga sighed and gave Madara's identification papers back, "this is above my pay grade."

"Your name's Ucheeha Madala?" The disbelieving voice of the receptionist at the Hokage Tower parroted what the Hyuuga gateguard said earlier.

Madara just nodded.

When the Hyuuga and Aburame escorted them inside the village, idiotically leaving the gates with no one guarding it, every shinobi they passed by was watching them. Despite old age, the features defining him as an Uchiha were still present so they knew to stand ready at this unknown and unaccounted Uchiha.

(Some who saw the whiskered Uzumaki breathed a sigh of relief for an unfathomable reason, some who saw the Uzumaki clinging at the back of a certainly century something something years old wondered how the fuck could his bones do that and what milk was he drinking? While some, those who were with mentally passable mind, prayed for their sanity back because the Uzumaki troublemaker adopted another adult!)

When they entered the Hokage Tower, after both gateguards scurried out of this headache, everyone's attention was on them. An old man that looked more like a sage than man with the Uzumaki hellion, everyone knew that something definitely interesting was happening. And when they heard what the man claimed his name was, they all mentally agreed that they would unanimously ignore this, plausible deniability and all that— so, they all went back to work with demented smiles in their faces.

"This is..." the receptionist trailed off, gaped, then planned her early retirement, "above my pay grade."

'This is within my pay grade,' was the thought running through the Sandaime's eyes and Madara mentally snorted when he saw it.

"Ucheeha Madala, you say your name was?" The Sandaime asked after inhaling a troubling amount of smoke from his pipe, "what did you say your business was with me again?"

That was the devil child's cue to bring out all the necessary papers. He energetically gave it to the Sandaime, a Sarutobi for all that Madara could remember, whom he called earlier as 'Jiji' and went back to bouncing up and down next to Madara. The Uchiha watched with a large amount of sadistic glee as the current Hokage eyed the paper he's holding with dread and trepidation. When he unsealed the paper and took a peak at it, he immediately closed it and stared at the ceiling asking for a kami to help him or preferably smite him.

When the Uzumaki creature asked him to go back to Konoha with him, Madara refused. When the brat followed him back to his cave despite the elder shooing him away like an unwanted stray dog, he still refused. But when the Uzumaki abomination saw Zetsu casually lounging at their shared cave, petting a white and beautiful rabbit, the child screeched and suddenly threw an unholy amount of unidentifiable Fuuinjutsu seals, Madara considered his refusal.

(Madara wasn't exactly sure what happened to Zetsu and he refused to remember the remains that was once Zetsu. Because of the Fuuinjutsu sealed that did things, Madara's cave wasn't just destroyed, it simply just ceased to exist. One moment, they were at the entrance and the next, poof! Gone was the cave and Zetsu's goo along it.)

(The rabbit wasn't even spared. If Madara was a kind and moral man, he would scold the Uzumaki for what he did towards the rabbit— but he wasn't. Instead, he silently held the rabbit towards him and planned for another stew. He deserved a nice rabbit stew.) 

(Madara didn't hold sentimental value over things, one of the lessons he learned as a shinobi but that was his cave. His cave was special. It was the nicest cave in the Elemental Nations. Slightly embarrassed but he could admit that it was his home and the Uzumaki thing vanished it!)

("Tou-chan's house is very nice," the Uzumaki bugger commented off handedly after minutes of silence staring at the vanished cave and Zetsu's remains. "We have plenty of rooms, dattebayo. And— and there's this big red tree. It was a nice tree. I like that tree."

Madara remained silent. 

"... Do you want to go back to Konoha with me?")

He couldn't say no after that.

Thinking back on it, it was a simple but nice offer. Madara refused to be homeless and go cave-hunting at his current age, that simply wasn't done. Besides, the brat found him when he was trying to live incognito, recognized him and almost gave him a heart attack. Even fleeing this Nation, there was no way of escaping a determined Uzumaki. A blond abomination at that.

So, when he said yes, the child (Madara was hesitant to call him a child because the Uzumaki was anything but an innocent creation. The thing wasn't innocent despite the wide guileless eyes, he wasn't even a creation— that Madara was certain. Surely this horror just popped in existence to spread his bad juju-ness) brought out another Fuuinjutsu sealed and activated it.

The brat called it a 'traveling seal' but Madara said no, it would be a dishonor to the Uzumaki to call what the brat activated as a seal. The seal was on an orange paper, written with glittered gel pens— the audacity.

Surely, no one taught the Uzumaki devil incarnate Fuuinjutsu because what they did wasn't traveling. They just popped up randomly at a place then if it wasn't Konoha, the troublemaker would activate his seal again. They traveled all across the Nation with random intervals and after three consecutive hours of popping out of nowhere, Madara got tired.

(He was sure thay some of the place they've gone to wasn't even in their world anymore. Surely gigantic creatures with no genitals wandering outside an approximately fifty meters wall was not normal.)

("It's always trial and error with Fuinjutsu, 'ttebayo.")

Trial and error Madara's ass.

There was no choice but to carry the Uzumaki and ran back to Konoha. The anathema of Madara's existence told him that he needed to be back before his three day curfew or there was something bad about to happen. Madara believed him. When an Uzumaki said that there was shit about to go down, then there was shit about to go down.

They were harbringers of shit going down.

The atrocity told him of his plan on how he could snuck Madara inside Konoha legally. There was a script, adoption papers and backup plans for backup plans. Sad to say, even Uchiha Madara was impressed on how the child cause chaos in his wake.

It was impressive. Madara was almost proud. 

"Before I approve of this adoption," the Hokage grimaced, "you have to ask your father for permission first."

Hn. It was a nice tactic to delay the Uzumaki's inevitable adoption of him. Madara knew that everyone in this forsaken village was at the mercy of the child's pudgy palm.

"Uhn!" The child beamed.

Madara could safely say that he dodge the shit that was about to go down when he met the Uzumaki's adopted father.

But after dinner at the admittedly nice house (he still had the rabbit from earlier and offered it to the sole descendant of the Yashogoro Clan for dinner. He met the members of the brat's family— a child from Kiri with his talking sword that if Madara wasn't mistaken, one of the Seven Sword of Kiri and the Yashogoro Sannin who made Madara internally panic for a second because that Clan was filled with maniacs how the fuck— and he introduced himself as: "Ucheeha Madala but you can call me Dara.") he was beckoned by the man for a private tea in the engawa.

He saw the red tree the devil was talking about and he agreed, it was nice.

"If you dare cause harm to my children, you will not like what I will do to you." The man calmly sipped his tea. 

Curious and feeling vaguely threatened, Madara asked. "And what will that be?"

Orochimaru looked at him dead in the eye, not even fazed with his activated sharingan.

"I will full on bitch slap you."

Madara gasped.

How scandalous.

OMAKE pt.1

Uchiha Clan: Is that Madara?!

Madara, wearing pink sunglasses with fur coat, calmly swirling his wine glass: Do I look like him? 

Naruto, running in the scene: Madara— I mean, Dara-ojii! 

Madara: ... 

Uchiha Clan: ...

Sandaime Hokage: ...

Danzo: ...

The Hokage Mountain: ... 

Uchiha fucking Madara: ... Madara whomst?

OMAKE pt.2

"Naruto adopted an old guy. His name's Ucheeha Madala but I'm pretty sure it's Uchiha Madara and no one believed their lie," Kakashi told his father while eating breakfast.

Sakumo choked. He did what now?! To whom?!

"So, based on their age differences, their family dynamics would make Madara Naruto, Kisame and Samehada's grandpa. That would automatically mean Naruto made Madara, Oro-san's adoptive father... Madara just became the ultimate boss battle in your journey to conquering Oro-san's heart— that was how the idiot sunshine put it. Good luck, Dad. And I pity you."

There was so much to unpack in what his son just told him that the only thing Sakumo could do was smile while his soul was slowly dying.

OMAKE pt.3

Ucheeha Madala in the Multiverse of Madness:

lame meme

Chapter Text

Can we all just pause for a moment and admit that nobody would effing care if Danzo died?

Okay, okay... Okay— wait. Naruto knew that beating an old person until they're black and blue or just clinging half to life is bad. Beating an old person is bad. Beating a person is bad. Period. But letting said person roam free on (and under) Konoha soil while plotting his plots and scheming his schemes is badder.

(Was badder even a word? It sounds like a made up word.)

And that person Naruto's thinking of beating up and burying six feet underground and planting red spider lilies atop his grave was Danzo. It's not like anyone would care if they've suddenly stumbled upon his headstone in the Konoha cemetery with engravings of: Here Rest the Wicked Shimura Danzo, Despised By All Who Knew Him.

Sure, they'd be surprised but mostly relieved because that's what Naruto would feel if he was in that scenario and he'd think, "motherfucker's dead? Good for us."

And maybe Hokage-jiji would care because him and Danzo were bff's and always doing that friendship goals with the backstabbing. The old Hokage was always emotional when it comes to Danzo. The blond Uzumaki couldn't understand why he was like that but thinking back on the things he did for Sasuke, maybe he kinda understood it for a tiny bit. But come on! Danzo?! Why does it have to be Danzo? Why would Hokage-jiji cling to Danzo like that? 

(Atleast Naruto has better tastes. Sasuke-teme may have a duck-butt hair for the time period of their childhood but he was way better than that old prick Danzo.)

(Nah, not really. Sasuke-teme almost— almost, it was a very close call— reached the great pretender when he woke up from the haze of revenge and decided to pull his head out of his ass.) 

Naruto suddenly felt like a hypocrite comparing himself to the Sandaime and what they would do for friendship but atleast he wouldn't turn a blind eye for the bullshits that his friend did. He punched Sasuke-teme, almost killed him and chopped off one of his hands. Hokage-jiji did none of that and all Danzo received for the crimes Hokage-jiji turned a blind eye on was a slap om the wrist and the gentle reprimand of: "look at me, Danzo, this isn't you. This isn't the Danzo I know, okay? You made Itachi-kun massacre his Clan but I'm a sentimental fool and your bff. So, don't do that again. Please? For me?" 

Well, that wasn't exactly how things went and Naruto wasn't sure how that really went but he imagined that it was like that and it was a load of crap! 

(If he didn't know that Hokage-jiji was once upon a time married, he'd think that he has a boner for Danzo.) 

'What the actual fuck, kit? That's just... That's plain disturbing, don't ever think of it again!' Kurama pleaded after controlling the urge to barf something. He hadn't eaten for... He doesn't eat but he wanted to vomit at the direction Naruto's thought processor was heading towards! 

'But... He... Hokage-jiji doesn't have that for Danzo, does he? I mean... He wouldn't, right?' Naruto hesitantly asked, afraid of the answer he'd received because if that was really the case, then he'd understand why Hokage-jiji was always on Danzo's side. It's like that story plot he once heard Ino and Sakura-chan were discussing. 'Hokage-jiji and Danzo against the world, dattebayo.'

'Kami, I sincerely hope not! That's just wrong on so many levels!' Kurama roared and Naruto winced at its volume. For a minute, Kurama was roaring endlessly because of revulsion, pity and horror, then he settled down when he noticed Naruto starting to panic at their topic of conversation. 'I promise you I won't go back on my ways but I suddenly want to trample something— or better yet, someone.'

Naruto giggled at the image of Kurama trampling Danzo. 'That's silly, Kurama!'

The Bijuu huffed and went back to his napping position. He closed his eyes, content that he averted Naruto's panic and his mind from that— that topic.

"Why are you giggling?"

Naruto's awareness was kicked out of his and Kurama's shared mindscape at the familiar voice that sounded near him. He tear his eyes away from his doodling and looked up to see Dara-ojii peeking at his work.

"Oh!" Naruto beamed at the old Uchiha and showed him his drawings, he pointed at the yellow blob surrounded by brown blob and said, "this is me digging a grave!"

The Uchiha activated his Sharingan and squinted his eyes, "... I see?" He muttered as if he couldn't really see it at all even with the help of his Dojutsu but he shook his head and turned his attention back to Naruto. "And why are you giggling at that?"

"Because," Naruto trailed off, carefully thinking if he should tell Dara-ojii about his drawings and immediately coming up with an answer, "I made a plan, 'ttebayo!"

The chibi Uzumaki gathered the scattered papers around him and arranged it.

"This," he started, excitement making his heart beat faster and blue eyes glitter with mischief, "is me, sneaking up behind Danzo. Then, this is me, beating him with my fists and Fuinjutsu seals. This next drawing is me, digging his grave. Then, this one is me again but this time burying him in that grave. And this last picture is me with Tou-chan, Kisame-chan, Samehada-chan and you Dara-ojii, holding hands with each other because we lived happily ever after, dattebayo!"

It was a good plan. A great plan, even. Naruto came up with it and at first, Kurama complained that it would never work but the Uzumaki pointed out what happened in the Forest of Death. If he could adopt Orochimaru as his parent, then he could do anything. After that, Kurama was on his boat, telling him that what Naruto wants, Naruto gets.

His plan was great, okay? He was proud when he came up with that because it was finally time that someone did something for Konoha's Danzo Infestation. Nobody bothered to face that particular issue, so, Naruto would take arms and grant Konoha a community service with his good will. He even drew pictures! Naruto's ninety-seven percent sure that his plan would be a success. 

(The remaing three percent of that hundred was because his Tou-chan gave him an early sleeping curfew. It was his punishment for leaving the house for three days without getting his father's permission first. Naruto couldn't exactly say that it was a punishment because he always enjoyed it when the Snake Sannin tucked him to sleep even if it's still early.) 

(But his father tucking him in at night and making sure he fell asleep could hinder his scheme. His plan's commencement was scheduled at night time because creeping behind someone's back was creepier if it's done in the hours of the night. And Naruto always, always sleep faster when he's tucked and given a good night kiss in the forehead. Blast it!)

"And why do you want to beat and bury Shimura Danzo?" The old Uchiha asked, curiosity and amusement leaking from his tone.

"Because he deserved a punch in his face, 'ttebayo," was Naruto's instant answer. "And Tou-chan told me that it's good manners to bury someone after killing them. Unless, a client ordered the body to remain in the crime scene, letting the dead's loved ones see their brutalized body or if they spit on your tea. Tou-chan told me that is someone spits on my tea, I should promptly slit their throat, strip them of their clothes and let them rot where they once stood. Apparently, a body decom— decompass—"

"Decompose," Uchiha Madara supplied.

"—decompose faster with heavy clothing. That's why, stripping them of their clothes and letting them de-com-pose slowly is the right payback for the disrespect they've done to my tea."

It was quiet for a moment. 

"Don't you think that's a bit extreme, Dara-ojii?" Naruto asked.

"No, it's the perfect response. If someone spits on the tea that I was drinking, I would give them way worse than what your Tou-chan told you to do," the Uchiha said wisely, nodding to himself.

Naruto just nodded and silently agreed. He hummed and shuffled his drawings, remembering that they were talking about something more important than people spitting on tea.

"Do you like my plan, Dara-ojii?" The Uzumaki cocked his head.

Dara-ojii stayed silent for a few seconds until he did the Uchiha signature 'hn.'

"It's a simple plan, I'm not certain it will succeed," the old Uchiha answered thoughtfully.

"It will, 'ttebayo," Naruto replied with full confidence of his drawn up plan.

Uchiha Madara raised an eyebrow in a challenge, "oh? I'm not even surprised that you want to kill him. You're an Uzumaki. But you do know that he still has that ROOT cult behind him, right? So, how will you sneak at his back?"

The blond Jinchuriki laughed. It was meant to sound deranged, unhinged and completely out of his mind but it just came out as cute what with all his cheery voice, small size and scrunched up nose.

(Madara was certainly not charmed.)

(Kurama had the non-existent balls to admit that his vessel was such an adorable child and he was totally charmed unlike a certain Uchiha.)

"I wouldn't doubt me, Dara-ojii," he stated and smiled. "Will you help me?" 

There was something different about Naruto.

He himself didn't know why that was or what caused him to be different today. He wasn't normally blood thirsty, he had never wished for someone to just drop dead in an instant. Kakashi-sensei once told him that he was the most unpredictable and kind ninja he knew. That he could look at a sinner's demented eyes and see something redeemable behind that.

But Kakashi-sensei also told him that his weapon was his kindness. That there was something sharp behind his genuine kind heart.

Naruto wasn't always kind.

He once wished for the death of someone. He once wished that everyone that had hurt him and made him feel lesser than dirt suffer in a way more painful than what they did to him. But he was a child when he thought of that. He was kicked out of his orphanage and roamed the slums of Konoha, begging for a few coins, rummaging the trash for something to eat and pleading for everyone and no one to stop, stop please, it hurts, please stop hurting me until one of the assigned ANBU to watch him found him pitiful enough and sent him to Hokage-jiji.

(Hound was away at that time. Hound wasn't his guard when that happened. Hound wasn't there to see him at that state but Naruto felt it when Hound finally came back and learned of what everyone did to Naruto. He felt Hound's anger when he broke protocol to hug Naruto and murmur assurances that I would kill all of them if you asked it of me, Naruto.) 

(Hound was punished because of Naruto. He felt Hound's pain. So, he pretended that he forgot all of it. That he was ever hugged by someone that tenderly and protectively. That he felt safe in Hound's embrace and almost asked him to kill everyone for him. Pretended that he didn't know that his one-eyed sensei was Hound. He didn't want him punished because of him again.) 

(Mr. Ukki was the first gift he could ever give to Hound. It was a reminder for Naruto that his sensei and his Hound made him feel alive for the first time in his short existence and he was so thankful of it.) 

He was a child when he forget what kindness was. And now, he was in the body of a child when he decided that it was time to stop acting kind because if he didn't, Danzo would tear his family apart. He already once drove Orochimaru to the point of insanity until he thoroughly forgot the morals he never really had.

There's a voice in the back of Naruto's mind (and no, it's wasn't Kurama this time, it sounded like Hound) whispering at him and telling him to do it, do it, do it, before you're too late.

It was frightening, to be in this state again. Naruto was afraid of himself but he has to. He had to do it, do it, do it, before he's too late! And he refused to lose what he has now. He refuse to lose the first person to feed him because he was hungry and not because he was Uzumaki Naruto! The first person to show him kindness because he needed it, he deserved it and not because he was the person that saved the village and the hero of war.

(If Orochimaru asked him to carved his heart out and give it to him, Naruto would plunged his hand in his chest and offer his father his beating heart. He would do it. He would.)

(It's terrifying what he would do for the person he loves.)

'He really has the best and the worst of the Uzumaki in him,' Uchiha Madara thought to himself, his Sharingan seeing the hidden darkness out of that bright blue eyes. It made him sigh in exasperation and a tired grin found its way in his lips. 'It's not like I survived at this age without losing a few screws myself.'

"Fine, I'm in."

The grin he received didn't belong to a child. 

Chapter Text

Orochimaru may sometimes neglect to notice things that others deem as important but he was far from unaware.

It may seem like he was taking things in a stride, accepting things at face value about his hatchling but he knew that something was not clicking when it comes to his blond child and his circumstances. He was not blind. But he chose to ignore it.

Taking into consideration that Naruto was a child, the story he told Orochimaru about himself and his background was lacking. Yes, he used to lived near Ame, he never met his parents and an elder of the village took care of him. It may seem acceptable at first but when the knowledge of the Bijuu— the other half of Kyuubi himself— came out, something was not adding. Naruto explained that his parents sealed the Kyuubi in him when he was a baby but how come they never heard someone of that skill before? It probably was at the midst of ending the Second Shinobi War when that event happened that made Orochimaru questioned why they never heard a person capable of sealing a Bijuu in a Jinchuriki using that complex of a seal, when every shinobi or skilled person capable of helping the war were sent to the front lines

Some called Uzushiogakure and Konohagakure sister-villages and they were not wrong in that regard. Konoha did fail Uzuhio but at the time of the Shodai's ruling, the bond between two villages were strong. An Uzumaki— Naruto's ancestor, his mother's grandmama to be exact— finding the half of the Kyuubi and making a deal to seal himself at her stomach was a knowledge that the Kage of both villages should be privy to. Why would Naruto's ancestor keep that to herself?

If scrutinized, Naruto's background story was suspicious. And the fact that Naruto knew people that he had no way of knowing.

He clearly knew who Tsunade was and led the healer to help him with his heart condition. The Snake Sannin could admit that the action was sweet and the intention behind the act was because Naruto was worried but he had no way of knowing who Tsunade was or what she looked like. Tsunade was famous for being the Shodai's granddaughter, a skilled medic nin, one of the Sannin and an infamous gambler, but if Naruto really came from a village near Ame, then he should not be aware who the Senju was.

Orochimaru doubted that Naruto did not know who Madara was considering that almost everyone knew of that insane man's legacy and image, but how did Naruto found him? Nobody knew where the old Uchiha lived let alone knew that he managed to escape death at all. So, how did his child knew where he lived and convinced him to come back to Konoha?

And when they first met, for a presumed child that got away from a village near Ame when his guardian was killed by a missing nin, Naruto was clean. The distance between Ame and the cave where they met at the forest of Fire Country had a considerable distance. No runaway child who traveled that distance without adult supervision would look so clean, fed (yes, Naruto was hungry that time but he wasn't thin from hunger) and watered. 

Naruto really was suspicious.

(His existence was suspicious.) 

But Orochimaru was that blond's parent. That child was his. Naruto and Kisame were his. And Orochimaru was theirs.

The Sannin should scrutinize every inch if that child. But he would not. He was not unaware of how he had acted regardinf the child but he would choose to be blind, again and again, if it concerned Naruto's dubious story. Digging for more information might endanger Naruto, so, Orochimaru would never ask for it.

If his child was hiding something from him, then, he would wait for Naruto himself to reveal it to the Sannin.

He would wait. He would be patient. Orochimaru could be anything if his children ask it from him. And even if they did not ask, Orochimaru knew his hatchlings' ticks. He knew when they were lying, saddened, burdened, needed someone to be just there for them. Even if they did not ask, he would provide.

He adored his children. He loved his hatchlings— Naruto and Kisame, and yes, even Samehada, too.

So, Orochimaru would be patient.

(He would wait for Naruto to explain himself as to why Orochimaru found drawing stacked on top of each other with the the uppermost paper, written with a childish hand, entitled "Plan to Effing Keel Danzo by Uzumaki Naruto with Dara-oji")

(He would wait for the explanations why this particular activity would be done with that crone and not him. Did Naruto thought that Orochimaru would not support him? Or that the Snake Sannin lacked skills?) 

(Whatever it was, Orochimaru would be patient. He would smiled placidly towards the elder Uchiha in a way that would make the man anxiously think back towards his actions for the past few hours and to what of those irritated Orochimaru. Madara would be paranoid. It would be funny.) 

Orochimaru was far from unaware. After all, he wanted to be a good parent for his children, and being unaware that most of the time, Naruto bullshits his way through the situations he was in, was unacceptable for the Sannin. It was one of Naruto's greatest skills, he would never ignore it. 

(Hmm, profanity. So uncivilized. Orochimaru should tell Naruto to not use it even for a name of his plan to kill Danzo.) 

(And oh, now that he was thinking on that subject, maybe he should plan a family vacation. Murdering a corrupt elder of a village seemed like a good bonding experience.) 

(Orochimaru mentally noted to himself to add extra time to his hatchlings' lessons. He made a mistake spelling "kill.") 

Hatake Sakumo was on a break from taking missions. He wasn't exactly banned from the mission roster but after the shitshow that was their mission on Kirigakure, the shinobi in charge of the mission roster told him to stay in the village, that wasn't exactly worded that way but Sakumo got the message behind the stressed shinobi's rant. The Hokage also advised for him to stay put and wait for how Kiri would retaliate once they found out that Sakumo, Orochimaru and an Academy student from their own village willingly kidnapped by a Sannin was responsible for wrecking their village and exploding their kage's head. Orochimaru told the Sandaime that Kiri would have no way of knowing that Konoha (Naruto's seals written with glitter on orange paper) was responsible for that but the Hokage was adamant on his advice for them not to take missions for the time being.

Sakumo wasn't exactly dying of boredom because he still had things to do— like taking care of Kakashi, his number one priority— but he was getting agitated. From the excitement at Uchiha Madara's sudden appearance and the disappointment that Orochimaru didn't throw hands with the Uchiha because of his close proximity to Naruto, the Hatake was restless.

He tried to train. But with all his pent up energy, he couldn't exactly focus on training. His mind wandered. And the destination his mind decided to stop on was a thought that never failed to make him feel inappropriate things.

Orochimaru was his friend. He was Jiraiya's teammate. He was Naruto and Kisame's parent. It was inappropriate of him as a father to feel things for the parent of his son's friends.

But Sakumo couldn't help it! Orochimaru was enchanting. He was amazing. He was... oh, kami, he was beyond words!

Sakumo wanted to touch the Sannin's shiny and perfect hair. He wanted to hold Orochimaru's hands in his and feel all his blisters in that elegant and pale hand of his!

(How scandalous!) 

Sakumo's thoughts on the subject of Orochimaru were inappropriate! He shouldn't be thinking like this.

It was unprofessional as Orochimaru's co-worker, improper as a parent and ungentlemanly!

(It's not as if Sakumo deserved someone as captivating as Snake Sannin himself.)

The Hatake sighed to himself and forced himself to not think of these things. Training failed to take away his restlessness and instead led his thoughts to Orochimaru. So if training failed to calm hus frustrations, then he would just take a walk. It has been a while since he just took a simple walk and enjoy Konoha in its full glory. Kakashi was playing and having a sleepover at Gai's (how the children managed to get Kakashi to come with them was a mystery but Sakumo knew that this was Kisame's doing because out of all his friends, Kisame was the one he agreed with the most) with Madara supervising the. , so, he couldn't invite his son with him.

It was calming. Konoha being Konoha that is. The village wasn't quiet. It was never quiet. There has always been this present noise that influenced Sakumo's mind to calm down.

The breeze was soothing and smelled of the trees that surrounded the village, the sun was setting at the horizon and the cicadas added to the background noise. 

He didn't bother to get out of his training clothes when he decided to get out of the Hatake Compound. He was still sweaty. So, imagine his panic when a familiar voice called out to him.

"Sakumo."

And there came Orochimaru with his perfect hair, golden bewitching eyes and elegant stride approaching him. Sakumo was disheveled compared to him.

Why.

Just why didn't he took a bath or changed at least?! 

"Uh, Orochimaru, hi," he fumbled. Konoha's White Fang fumbled like a lovestruck teenager.

(If his son was here, the smaller Hatake would be full on judging him, Sakumo knew it.)

"Have you just finished decimating a training ground?" The Sannin asked with an amused lilt to his voice that never failed to make Sakumo's heartbeat jump like the incompetent organ that his heart was.

Sakumo took a subtle breath to release his tension. "No. I was... uninspired with training at the Compound and decided to just have a walk around the village."

Orochimaru gave him a small smile and damn did that prove Sakumo's lung's incompetency because his breath hitched.

"Would it bother you if I joined?"

"Not at all."

They continued walking. It was silent. Normally, Sakumo was comfortable with silence. And he was also comfortable with Orochimaru's presence. But his earlier thoughts kept on bothering him, his mind telling him to say something, anything.

But he didn't have to torture himself thinking of a topic of their conversation when Orochimaru broke the silence. 

"Have you eaten dinner already?"

"Not yet."

"That is perfect. Come eat dinner with me."

"What? Like a date?" Sakumo had to contort his face away from a grimace that threatened to grace it. He smiled and chuckled nervously.

Why was he like this?

'Like a date?' Seriously? That's the best he could come up with?! Why would he blurt that out—

"What else? Married couples have date nights, too, right?" Orochimaru asked with a curious tilt of his head.

Hatake Sakumo stopped. His whole being stopped functioning for a second because he needed ro transcend the astral realm for him toget his mind tk process what the hell Orochimaru just asked him.

"Married... What... When?"

Orochimaru huffed a quiet laugh. 

"You are being strange today, Sakumo. Come," and the Sannin casually took the Hatake's hands and lead him back to Orochimaru's house.

Sakumo wouldn't be ashamed to admit that he didn't know what the hell was happening because his last coherent thought was how perfectly Orochimaru's hand fit with his. 

Chapter Text

"You Konoha-nins are weird," Kisame sniffed, shaking his head.

"Pyun~ Pyun~" Samehada agreed and Naruto pouted beside him. 

"But, Kisame-chan, you'll be a Konoha-nin, too!" The blond protested.

Kisame has lived in Konoha for almost a month now and it was a nice experience but he could admit that something in this village just makes its citizens... Insane. At first, Kisame thought that it was normal how everyone just seemed to go with the flow of everything that happens in this place, but if he compared Kirigakure with Konohagakure, Kiri would seem like an ordinary shinobi village.

There was an eternally burning forest in Konoha filled with glitters that serves as a tourist attraction, one of the strongest nin in the village (Shiro-san, or Sakumo-san really) acts like a besotted teenager whenever he's in Oro-san's presence and no one bats an eye, Gai-chan and Naru-chan always play hide and seek in one of Konoha's clan compounds as if it was their playground and ignored the ranting of the Hyuuga Clan Head whenever it happens, an Uchiha who's supposed to be dead/village traitor/founder always casually strolls in the village and everyone just turns a blind eye towards him, and the Hokage treats Kisame as if he's his grandchild.

There must be something in Konoha's water supply that made everyone slightly unhinged. 

(Kisame was so glad that he's friends with Kakashi-kun, the young Hatake was the only one that seemed to understand that there's something strange with this village.)

Despite the overall insanity surrounding this place, Kisame would choose it over and over against Kirigakure.

(He has a family here. Friends. People that treated him like there's nothing wrong with him.)

(Kisame would kill for this village.)

"But it's still weird, though," Kisame pointed out and scratched the back of his head in confusion. "I've never been invited to a sleepover before but I don't think this is a normal sleepover activity."

"DO NOT WORRY, KISAME-CHAN! I AM GREAT AT SLEEPOVERS AND THIS ACTIVITY WILL STRENGTHEN THE TIES OF OUR BOND, AS ALL SLEEPOVERS SHOULD DO!" Gai-chan boomed, throwing his fist in determination.

"Yeah! Strengthen our bonds, dattebayo!" Naru-chan imitated Gai-chan's determination, eyes sparkling.

Kisame turned his head to Kashi-kun, who's expression was completely blank, eyes dead.

"Don't look at me. I tried to protest and our responsible adultdidn't even try to consider it." The Hatake muttered.

Said responsible adult laughed, eyes flashing red and for a second, Kisame saw the infamous Uchiha madness. 

"Oh, everything will be fine. Slumber party should be exciting," Dara-ojii carelessly waved his hand, his pink feathered coat fluttering because of his action. "What do you expect to do in a sleepover, sleep?"

"Yes," Kashi-kun answered forcefully.

Looking at the situation he's in, Kisame finally shrugged his shoulders. Like what he'd said earlier, this was his first sleepover party, he wasn't an expert in what sleepovers should be like.

"Okay, I'm in."

Samehada, Naru-chan, Gai-chan and Dara-ojii cheered.

Kashi-chan looked as if he's asking the heavens to bury him in his spot.

Tsunade wasn't a fucking coward. She wasn't raised and refused to be one.

The Senju wasn't well-known for their self-preservation instincts (Tobirama-ojiisan and Touka-obaasan were the exceptions), there's a reason why the feud between Senju and Uchiha wasn't resolved for a long, long time. If the Uchihas were deranged, the Senju for their part were a clan of fucking buffoons. And Tsunade, despite being a smart woman herself, was a product of her clan. If she could resolve an issue with her first, then she would do that. She chose tactical retreat before but she would never back down from a fight if she knew that she would come out as the victor.

Tsunade was honest with herself enough to admit that she has little to no sense of preservation— it's the Senju and Uzumaki in her. And as someone who's aware with her flaws, she knew how to acknowledge her actions when she's being a buffoon like her clan. 

She was everything but she wasn't a coward, she fucking refused to be one. 

"Are you sure about this, Tsunade-sama?" Shizune asked, worriedly eyeing the gate in front of them.

Tsunade inhaled and released it in a long breath. "Of course."

She took a step, Shizune following her, and that was a sign for the two shinobi manning the gates to greet her.

"Tsunade-sama! Welcome back!" The Inuzuka exclaimed.

The Slug Princess grunted, "yeah, yeah, give me a gatepass."

"Are you back for good or are you just visiting?" The Hyuuga asked.

Tsunade closed her eyes for a moment and opened them. "Back for good."

Shizune exhaled beside her. The two gateguards smiled at her as if the thought that she would be staying in the village again was a news that gave them joy.

The Hyuuga gave her a paper, she siigned it alongside Shizune and they processed her gatepass. It took a minute but whej it was done, the two smiled at her and tolted their head in respect. 

"Welcome back."

The Senju nodded at them and made her way towards Orochimaru. It was a standard protocol for a shinobi coming home (with whatever reason for traveling out of Konoha) was to report to the current Hokage. But Tsunade would ignore protocol, she's sure that Sarutobi-sensei would understand that this time, Orochimaru was more important.

Tsunade wasn't a sensor but she always knew where Orochimaru was in certain distances. He was hers. Whether he liked it or not, Orochimaru was a part of Tsunade and she would always know how to track his chakra everywhere. The same goes with Jiraiya. Maybe it came from their shared trauma and experiences but there was something in their trio, in being the Sannin, that msde them something of an extension of their selves. Even in disguise, they would recognize each other. Even in distances, they would find each other.

(Jiraiya and Orochimaru was Tsunade's, abd she would always be theirs.)

Tsunade found Orochimaru in one of the tea shop in Konoha. And it seemed that the man knew that she was coming because he was already staring at her when she entered. 

"Tsssunade," he quietly said, his voice was a sibilant whisper— an indication of the emotions swirling inside him despite his flat eplacid expression.

"Oro," she nodded and took a seat in their table, ignoring Hatake Sakumo who was looking at them back and forth with wide eyes. Tsunade motioned Shizune to sit with them and her apprentice followed.

There was silence in their table and at the shop as a whole. Every shinobi and civilian patron of the tea shop was subtly and some were blatantly staring at them, as if waiting for the drama to unfold but Tsunade ignored them. There was no such thing as privacy in being a shinobi and she's wouldn't be ashamed if their awaited conversation has an audience.

"You are right," Tsunade said, finally breaking the silence enveloping them.

Orochimaru stared at her, head slightly tilted as if he was waiting for her to continue her words. 

"You and I are broken— fuck everyone in this forsaken village is broken," she slumped in her seat, she was already tired of everything but she wasn't willing to back away now that she started. "And it was our choice that made us this way. We were giveb choices but we still picked to be broken. You said that I deserved to rest, to grieve but that doesn't mean that you deserved to be left behind."

Tsunade gave Orochimaru all her attention, making the Snake Sannin see how serious she was. 

"And I'm sorry for leaving you. For abandoning you without a word. For disregarding you as if the years we'd spent together meant nothing," Tsunade continued, her throat constricting in an effort to stop herself from crying. "I'm sorry for being a fucking idiot. I'm sorry, Oro."

There was a shift in Orochimaru's expression, the calmness in his face was gone and it was replaced with something honest in his eyes. Tsunade realized how far Orochimaru had come. From someone who struggled with understanding his emotions snd the peiple surrounding him to this man— whose kindness sparkled in his eyes.

"Oh, hime, it was not your fault," Oro said, gentling cradling her hands in his.

"It was," Tsunade said.

"Hmm, it is not." The man repeated. "It is not your fault to feel the need to run away and leave everything. I confess that what you did hurt me but at least you came back. You truly did not leave me behind. And... You are trying. Despite the pain you have inside you, you still are trying. And I believe that is what matters the most."

Tsunade clutched his hands. This... Everything about his words made Tsunade love him more.

"Thank you," the Senju smiled. "For everything."

Orochimaru hummed and gave her a tiny smile. 

(Someone in the background sniffed and said, "Kami-sama, this is so touching," but Tsunade chose to ignore their idiocy.)

Tsunade let the moment linger until she saw from the corner of her eye how Sakumo was trying to make himself blend with the background, as if giving them a semblance of a privacy regardless of the entire even happening in his and Orochimaru's table.

"So," Tsunade eyed the Hatake. "Sakumo, you sly dog! You finally had the balls to confess to Oro here?" 

The Hatake choked, the teacup he was holding shattered as he let go of it. Tsunade loudly laughed and repeatedly slapped the man's back, she didn't even bother to tone down her strength.

"Is this a date then?" The woman asked her teammate.

Orochimaru nodded and answered 'yes' and that sent Sakumo to another coughing fit. Oh, this poor man.

"If the parents are having their date night, who's in charge with the kids then?" She asked the Snake Sannin. Shizune, bless her kind heart, was helping Sakumo to recover by rubbing her small hands behind the man's back.

"The hatchlings are having a sleepover and I left them in Ucheeha Madala's care."

Tsunade blinked.

She processed his words. 

Then blinked again. 

"I'm not drunk enough for this conversation."

"Tiny-sensei," the idiot addressed him. "Do we still have rope?"

"I STILL HAVE ONE, NARU-CHAN! HERE YOU GO!" The other idiot thundered and handed the idiot sunshine another piece of rope.

"Make sure everything's tight and secure, kids," the Uchiha maniac called out from his spot, relaxing in a reclined chair watching them with his activated Sharingan.

"Pyun~ Pyun~" Samehads cutely purred while Kisame was nodding at the Uchiha's order.

When they ran out of rope, the sunshine idiot, the loud idiot and Kisame took a couple of steps away from their target.

Kakashi eyed the man with multiple rope tying him to his chair and seals written with glittered ink taped in different parts of his body. Then to Uchiha Madara cackling in the background.

"Use more rope!" The psychopath order.

"HAI!" Everyone aside from Kakashi enthusiastically replied and scrambled to find more rope.

This wasn't how sleepovers should be.

Kidnapping a village elder while in they were in their pyjamas wasn't a normal slumber party activity.

Enthusiastically bounding said village elder covered in faulty seals wasn't an activity that Kakashi should be participating in.

(Kakashi just knew that this would blow in their faces.)

(Considering that Uchihas were known pyromaniac, Naruto already set the Forest of Death in an eternal fire, Kisame and Gai innocently thinking that this was socially acceptable— Kakashi didn't know if they would consider this situation blowing in their faced would be a bad outsome.)

(Oro-san would kill Uchiha Madara for this.)

(The only question was whether Danzo-sama may or may not be dead to see that spectacle.) 

Chapter Text

Hello, this is not an update. I repeat this is not an update. I am just here to inform y'all that I haven't abandoned this fic but the possibility of an update this month or maybe this year is still uncertain. 

Why, you ask? 

Well, I know everyone's curious to know that I am not dead, the author is just busy with life. For the past months, I've been inside a police academy and let me tell y'all, it's THE country's police academy that thousands took and only hundreds passed (it's a real big deal in my country).

Fortunately, I am one of those hundreds and I've been inside training for the past few months and here, we're not allowed to use any gadgets, so, I've been cut off from the world really. I think I'm physically fit now, 3km uphill just took me 17 mins to do, when a year ago, I couldn't even run a kilometer.

(I know that's not an impressive record but for a female cadet who's not really into sports,  it is. And it's an improvement from my record so, yay!)

Unfortunately, my right eye's having vision problems and there's a possibility for me to be a turned back cadet, so, I've been spending my past week in the clinic and I'm now allowed to use my phone after months of absence of it. 

I just want to let you know that I'm not being lazy about this fic, I'm just really busy. And I'm not dead. So, hurrah!