Chapter Text
The moment Will stepped through the door, he immediately regretted everything he’d ever done in his whole life.
Heart in his throat, he felt the pounding of his pulse, unwavering and unsteady in his ears. He knew he looked rough, he’d looked like he was on death's door for weeks.
God, why did he think this was a good idea?
His hands shook as he stared at the door, as if he expected it to swing back open and reveal a gate that would swallow him whole and grant him mercy against his own follies.
Mike stood in the middle of Will’s bedroom, looking at him with a confused expression, “Will–?”
“I lied.” He said simply, turning to look at Mike. He stood in front of him, his lips pressed together and hands fidgeting with his sleeve.
“Huh?” Mike looked over at him, his face screwing up in confusion. “About needing to talk to me?” He sounded so confused and Will loved him so much.
“No, no, I do. I am talking to you, just…” He pressed his lips together. “This is a lot, so please, just shut up and listen to me, okay?”
Mike looked at him for a moment before nodding. “Okay,” He replied quietly, “I’m listening.”
The look in his eyes was pure torture and Will cursed himself for letting himself get flustered at something so simple as Mike Wheeler saying that he was listening to him.
“I lied about the painting,” He admitted, starting strong with a well established fact. He could tell Mike wanted to say something so he gave him a pleading look, “Listen, Mike” He reminded him.
He stayed silent for a moment, letting the air settle between them, letting himself gather his words. Finally, he exhaled and walked over to his bed.
How to start, where to end — it all jumbled up into itself inside his head, various outcomes and results warring with one another. Would he be angry? Would he hate him? Would he get up and storm out without another word?
Will knew nothing good could come from the truth, yet it clawed its way up his throat and fell from his tongue like second nature. To be honest to Mike was one thing he knew well, an age old habit that only faced a somewhat permanent expiration date in recent years.
Truth was the key, as mucky and awful as this one was. The choice was not his, he’d lost him before he had the chance to have had him.
The bitter memory plagued him, the hot van with hotter tears. He spoke with a faux sense of stability. God knows he was one second away from losing his shit again.
"These past few months," Will started, as he sat on his bed with his eyes firmly on his clasped hands. "I've been so lost without you."
The room was silent, a tense feeling in his chest as he heard Mike step closer. He couldn't back out now, he had to be brave. He had to take a chance, get this out of his mind so that things could be normal again, not for his sake or even Mike's, but the twelve year old kid just a few rooms away that just wanted to go home, just like he did before.
"What?" Mike's voice was softer now, no small amount of confusion to be heard in his tone. He always talked to him like that, especially when they were younger.
A light flickered and he continued on, keeping his eyes firmly on his lap.
"I'm so different from other people and — it's really scary to be different." Will continued past the sick feeling in his stomach, the way his heart feels two beats away from giving out. If he were to die now, he wouldn't do so quietly, a secret meant to be taken to the grave is exhumed early, before his casket could even hit the ground. Before the dirt could be pushed into the cratered ground.
It was his own undoing, but it had to work. It had to.
“And…” His voice was shaking when he spoke again, "And when you're…different, you feel like — a mistake." His eyes are burning, just as they did last year in that van, just like they did every goddamn night since. He willed them away, managing to keep them at bay.
"Will, what are you—" Mike took a step closer, hesitantly approaching him as if afraid to scare him away. Like anything could keep Will away from him, as if anything about Mike could scare him enough to leave him. “What—?”
Will ignored him, his voice coming out louder — stronger, "But you make me feel like I'm not a mistake at all — like I'm better for being different."
He felt Mike's eyes on him, confused and worried. Unwavering, yet caring. And not for the first time, he felt that same old flutter in his chest.
"And that gives me the courage to fight on." His voice was a touch softer now, his hands grasping and the fabric of his pants, sweat damp palms warming the skin underneath.
Mike was staring at him, his eyes wide and mouth agape, caught somewhere between complete and total speechlessness and the urge to say his name again, to make sense of this.
"And if I was mean to you or — or I seemed like I was pushing you away — it's just because I was scared of losing you." Will continued, his eyes on the ceiling as they burned, "And if I was going to lose you, I... I'd rather just... get it over with quick... like ripping off a Band-Aid. Because losing you — it just hurts — it hurts too much." He pressed his lips together, his heart pounding in his ears. He couldn't take this back, couldn't backtrack. “It hurts, Mike…”
He took a breath, gathering the last bit of courage he had left. He was at the edge now, the only thing left to do was take the leap and hope that whatever was at the bottom was less cruel than his silence.
"So yeah — I need you, Mike." He finally looks up, and though his eyes blurred with tears, Mike's stricken face was crystal clear. His voice finally broke, "And I always will."
The silence was deafening in Will's bedroom, the sound of his clock ticking and his own rapid heartbeat the only two things telling him he didn't pass out from sheer nerves.
He wanted to run, to hide away like wild animal. To flee from this cruel, awful silence that echoed in his ears and rattled him to his very core. He glance up and saw the realization flicker across Mike’s face.
“Oh,” Mike breathed out, “oh, oh my god..”
Will’s stomach twisted, fear pumping through his veins as he tried to resist the urge to duck and cover.
"It was you?" Mike's voice was but a whisper as he sat down beside him, his eyes never once leaving his face. "It was you the entire time, you..."
"I'm sorry." Will's voice shook, he's already shaking his head as his hands trembled in his lap. "You don't have to say anything, I know you don't feel the same, I know you like girls, I know I crossed a line and you probably think I'm disgusting, or a freak, or you probably agree that I'm a mistake, that the feeling I had was right." He sniffled, wiping his eyes on his sleeve as he stared down at his sock clad-feet.
"Will..."
"And I'm sorry," He repeated, "I'm sorry any of this happened. The painting, my powers, me." He picked at a thread on his pants, his voice becoming more and more choked up. "I understand if you don't ever want to talk to me again, I understand if—"
"Stop, Will, Jesus!" Mike grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to finally look up and—
Mike's face was pale, a ghastly pale. His crestfallen expression bleeding down his face from his watery eyes. His eyebrows pinched together. He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t yelling, not really. He looked guilty, if not like he was near getting sick.
"Stop... Stop talking about yourself like that..." His voice was softer, almost like an apology for raising it in the first place. "You're not disgusting, or a freak, and you are not a mistake, Will. There is nothing, nothing that would ever make me think that."
Will stared at him, his mouth agape as Mike spoke, his words fast through his crackling voice. Guilt nipped at his very being, ripping through his chest with little mercy. Mike was hurt, he hurt him.
Of course he did.
"And there is nothing that could ever make me not want to talk to you again." Mike squeezed his shoulder, "Nothing." His voice was like a cool breeze on too hot skin, a soothing balm that made his breath come just a little easier.
Mike took a deep and slow breath, his hands falling back to his lap. He closed his eyes for a moment, like he was gathering courage or maybe bracing himself for something.
"I didn't want it to be true, Will," Mike said quietly, staring down at his lap.
"What?" Will tilted his head, his eyes stuck on the boy in front of him. "What do you mean? You didn't want what to be true? You don’t want what I just said to be true? I’m not lying, Mike, I—”
"No! Not that!" Mike said quickly, his eyes flicking up to Will's and staying this time, searching and so goddamn open. “What you said in the van, about El…”
He felt his breath catch when Mike took his hand, his gentle grip grounding him in a way he hadn't felt in so long.
"I didn't want that to be true," He repeated softly, his eyes no longer angry about the panting, about the lie. Instead they held a certain gentleness he knew was just for him. "because I wanted it to be from you."
"Me?" Will's voice fell to a whisper, as if speaking too loud would expose it to all be some sick, twisted dream. A happy ending just out of reach, never truly meant for him.
"You," Mike's gaze dropped down to their intertwined hands before dragging back up to his eyes. "Those things you said from El — I wanted them to be from you. The painting? I wanted it to be from you,” His hand gave Wills a gentle squeeze, forcing himself to go on.
"Will, I just wanted you. I wanted to be with you and I wanted you to tell me that I wasn't crazy for feeling what I was, or at least that I wasn't alone in feeling like that." His hands shook in Wills, his grip tightening just slightly. "Why would you push me to be with El, if you… Why would you... Will, I just don't understand. Help me understand."
"I wanted you to be happy." Will whispered brokenly, his eyes lowered in shame. "I thought you were happy with her."
"I was happy with you."
His words were almost desperate, like they had hurt to get out. The sting of what could have been twinged in the back of his mind. It hurt to hear, but as hard as it was to hear, it was harder to believe. The bitter memory of the airport circulated in his mind, the awkward hug, even more awkward silence. The way Mike’s eyes blanked out when he looked at him, in a way they never had before. The lack of calls, the dwindle and eventual stop of letters. How could he be happy with him, when he was the one to leave them out to die?
Will looked up at him, tears stinging his eyes as he shook his head. "No, you weren't. You weren't, Mike. Two summers ago it was like I was some kind of an inconvenience to you. Like, like my being there was just...just a block. All you wanted was El and yeah, it sucked, but she made you happy so I got over it. As much as I could, at least. I'd spend the rest of my life getting over it, if I had to. Getting over all of this." He took a breath, rubbing his eyes. “Over you…”
Mike opened his mouth to argue, but Will put his hand up.
He wasn’t done.
"Then I moved and as far as I knew, you didn't write or call or even care, so what was I supposed to think? Why would I reach out if you already made it clear that you didn't even want me around? At the airport when you looked at me like, like some kind of stranger? You never even told me why, Mike! You never told me anything! So how was I supposed to know you didn't love her? How was I supposed to know when you said that you did?" He was near tears now, his hands pulled away into his own lap as Mike watched him with his mouth agape.
"You said it two summers ago. You said you loved her and you didn't want to lose her. How was I supposed to know? You pushed me away, Mike. I was always right here and you pushed me away." He looked up, eyes glassy and lips pursed in an attempt to keep them from trembling.
Mike stared at him in stunned silence, his words obviously hit him deep as he visibly struggled to find words to say. He almost felt guilty, averting his eyes quickly as his resolve almost broke.
"I just don't know what you want from me." Will felt his voice waver, knowing his inner turmoil was like an exposed live wire, sparking and shocking terrifyingly. It was close to imploding, to destroying everything in its path.
"I don't want anything from you," Mike said softly, drawing Will's eyes back up to him. "I just want you, Will, I’ve always wanted you."
Before he could even take another breath, he felt himself being pulled into the other boy's chest, his head being cradled as if he were something special. As if he were actually worth something and not just, well, him.
"I'm so sorry, Will." Mike murmured against his shoulder, his whole body shaking as he held him with everything he had. "I-I'm so fucking sorry, I never... I didn't know. I didn't know."
When Will pulled away, he wasn't expecting the crestfallen face he was met with, lingering tears mixing anew and trailing down his cheeks as Mike silently tried to keep from falling apart before him.
"I didn't mean to..." He said, just above a whisper, his glassy eyes locked onto his own. "I didn't mean to hurt either of you, I was just so confused and scared and — I didn't mean to, Will, I didn't, I swear."
"Oh, Mike..." Will reached up, wiping some of the tears from his face as Mike leaned into the touch, his face crumpling just a little.
"I'm so sorry, Will, I didn't mean to..." He repeated, breaking Will's heart just a little more. "I didn't mean to."
"Hey, it's okay, I know." Will pulled him in, Mike burying his face in his chest. "I know, I'm sorry too."
"No-"
"Shh, no. I shouldn't have lied. Not about the painting, not about any of this. I shouldn't have made you feel pressured to feel something you didn't, to push something neither you or El wanted. Let me be sorry too." He pulled away to meet his eyes, "I'm so sorry, Mike..."
"You shouldn't be! It's my fault! All of this! I made you feel like you had to lie, I made you feel like you didn't mean enough to me that I wouldn't care if the painting was from you. I said that stupid fucking thing in the rain, I didn’t even mean it like that!" Mike swallowed, pressing his palms into his eyes. "You can't apologize for what I caused, Will."
"You didn't-"
"You were right, you know? I was ruining the party. I ruined everything for a stupid relationship that neither of us actually wanted." He interrupted him, his lips pressed together in a firm line.
"It wasn't stupid." Will argued weakly, Mike just sighed and shook his head.
"It was," He said softly, "it was stupid to try and keep something that was never even real. El needed more than that, more than me latching onto her to feel normal. She deserved more than that. It was stupid to try and save something that was doomed from the start because I was too scared to take the chance to get what I really wanted." His chest was heaving a little, he was biting at his lips the way he always did when the anxiety creeped in too close. "What I needed."
"Mike," Will looked at him, really looked. He saw the shake of his hands, the tremble in his bottom lip he tried to hide with his teeth. He was nervous, scared.
"I called." Mike said softly, his voice cracking just a little. "I called you all the time. Every week, everyday sometimes."
Will blinked at the sudden confession. That...didn't make sense. How could he have called, he surely would've known—
"Your mom had that new job, the line was always so...so busy." He huffed a little, the faintest sniffle sounding as his eyes fell to his lap. “Every letter I wrote, I couldn’t send. Not when I signed my name with love to you, but not to my own girlfriend. Not when every word I wrote exposed everything I was feeling, the fear and loneliness, the regret. How much I missed you…” He looked at him, his head tilted. “Will, all I wanted, all I ever wanted was you. I wanted to talk to you every second of every day, to bike to your house and hang out, movie nights sleepovers, to sit in my basement with you and read comics just like we used to,” He took a shaky breath. “I missed you so much, Will. I felt like I was missing half of myself without you. The better half of myself...”
He watched him, how his knee bounced with nerves, how his face was caught between a smile and completely crumpling. The silence stretched for a moment, before Will spoke again.
“I missed you so much, I’m pretty sure I accidentally conjured a twelve year old version of you in my sleep,” Will blurted out, looking over at him as Mike’s face broke into an amused grin, wiping the tears that had trailed down his cheeks.
“So, that’s your theory, huh?” He laughed wetly, “God, aren’t we a pair?”
“Yeah,” Will couldn’t help the shaky smile that pulled at his lips. “Just a little crazy.”
“I’m terrified to see what you warrant as more than a little crazy,” Mike joked, bumping his shoulder a little.
Will huffed a laugh, sniffling as Mike shifted to face him. He watched him for a moment silently.
Silently, until Mike started word vomiting.
“Okay, my mind is kind of reeling right now and I’m pretty sure I get what you mean, like what you’re meaning with everything with the painting and saying I’m the heart, but um, could you just, I don’t know, confirm, or something? What you’re feeling? Because I really want to kiss you, but if I’m being an idiot and reading this wrong, I really don’t want to make an ass of myself,” Mike babbled at him, his cheeks turning the prettiest shade of pink Will had ever seen.
Will smiled at him, tilting his head a little as complete and total adoration filled his chest and a warm wave of affection crashed over him.
“Will,” Mike looked back at him, increasingly flustered, “seriously, just say something—”
Actions speak louder than words. That’s what they say, isn’t it?
Will cut off anything else Mike could’ve tried to say, silencing him with the soft press of his lips against Mike’s own. His hand came up to Mike’s dampened cheek, smiling as he felt him melt into him.
Mike’s hands hovered for half a second, a testament to his surprise at Will’s brazenness. He felt his hands rest on his shoulders, then one at the back of his neck. Will felt him smile against his lips and he swore in that moment he understood what all of those cheesy love songs he knew Mike secretly loved listening to were all about.
Soft yet slightly chapped lips brushing together in a sweet, gentle kiss. Will swore up and down that no daydream compared, no, not even in his wildest dream did anything compare to the way Mike’s hand drifted up to his hair, his other dropping to the low of his back. Holding him, like he meant something. Like he meant everything. Like this moment was worth grasping onto in hopes of never losing it.
To Will, it was worth it. It was worth every ounce of pain he went through if it meant getting to have Mike like this. To have Mike want him like this…
Mike pulled away a little, unable to stop smiling. “Pretty cool you accidentally proved the theory of general relativity, though,” He said, drawing a laugh from Will’s lips.
“Shut up,” Will pulled him back into a kiss, only for a moment before pulling back as well, “it is pretty cool though, isn’t it?” he admitted, utterly smitten as Mike beamed back at him.
The last lightbulb standing flickered, flashing almost too brightly as the wall split open into a light, golden gate.
They parted immediately, eyes wide as they watched it spread. It wasn’t like the gates to the Upside Down, no, it wasn’t flesh-like or menacing. This one was like a window, tinged a soft yellow hue into another room, one that looked just like Will’s childhood bedroom.
Soon, there was a wide eyed child staring back at them, his hair messed up from just climbing out of bed. He watched them, his mouth agape.
Will blinked, staring back at his younger self. “Holy shit…” He breathed out, “oh my god, oh my— it worked! Mike!” He turned, looking at Mike whose eyes were glued to the gate. His eyes soft as he gazed upon Will’s younger self.
Mike just smiled, "Yeah, you did it.” He turned his head to finally look at him, that same level of adoration increased tenfold. “You really did it, Will.”
The younger boy stared into the gate, his eyes filled with concern. He looked confused. “Oh geez, I really shouldn’t have watched Poltergeist again…” He said in such a sad little voice as he rubbed his eyes.
Mike bit back a smile, looking at Will. “You should go get little me before little you starts calling for your mom.”
“I can’t wait to talk normally again,” Will said with a laugh, already rushing out of the room.
Will bursted through the front door, he knew he probably looked insane with how hard he was smiling. “Mike! Mike! We have a way home for you!”
The rest of the party’s eyebrows shot up, looking at Will with various levels of surprise.
“How the hell’d you manage that?” Dustin threw his hands up, “Hours of research and you go and figure it out in like, ten minutes? What the hell?”
“Just be happy he figured it out, man! Little Mike freaks me out,” Lucas said, looking at the smaller version of their best friend.
El was smiling knowingly, whispering something to Max to which she snorted.
“Glad you guys finally made up, Byers.” Max said teasingly. Something he was not reading into or dealing with right now.
Little Mike was staring at Will in disbelief. “You found a way back for me? You did?” He immediately grabbed his hand. “Let’s go! Let’s go!”
Will grinned, “I’ll explain later! Probably!” He called over his shoulder before letting Mike drag him inside.
“Probably?” Dustin yelled back, “You just discovered time travel, Byers, you better!!”
Will waved him off and shut the door behind him. No need to bring any extra people and freak his younger self out even more.
By the time they got back in the room, his Mike was crouched down in front of the gate, talking softly.
“I know it’s a little scary and super weird, but it’s all okay. Your Mike will tell you more about it. He’s safe, he’s been really worried about getting back to you,” He was saying softly.
“This isn’t a dream?” Little Will was still rubbing his eyes. He looked through the room and saw through the window that it was still dark. Maybe the time didn’t parallel like he’d thought. It seemed like the night hadn’t even passed on the other side.
“No, just…really weird science.” Mike explained, smiling at him. “You’re alright. You’re so brave too, so don’t be scared. You’re safe, it was you that did this, well, older you. The other boy that was with me, you’ll find out eventually.”
Will couldn’t help the soft smile on his face. Yeah, that was his Mike alright…
Little Mike ran into the room, stopping in front of the gate and staring right at his Will, his eyes glittering with a new understanding. Mike looked over at him, his big brown eyes filling with tears as he grabbed his sleeve. "I'm really gonna miss you, Will."
He bent down a little, lowering himself to Mikes height with a soft smile and a squeeze of the hand. "You don't have to miss me, Mike. I'm always gonna be there for you, always."
The little boy nodded, lunging forward and hugging him. "I'm always gonna be there too. I promise."
“I know you will,” Will said into his hair, pulling away to smile down at him. “You get home now, okay?”
Little Mike gave him a teary grin back. “I’m gonna keep him safe this time,” He promised, looking at his older self. “I’m gonna really try…”
His older self just yanked him into a hug. “You’ll do what you can, just…don’t change, okay? You’re okay. You’re okay.” He said firmly, letting him go. “Be nice to yourself, and to him.”
Little Mike just wiped his eyes, “You’re so weird.” He said with a wobbly little grin before turning to look at his Will, still looking confused as hell through the gate.
Without any further hesitation, he climbed right through and it immediately started contracting itself shut, but they could see as little Mike engulfed a still entirely too sleepy and confused Will in a hug that almost knocked them both over.
Little Mike immediately started off on a tangent as he pulled back, "It's a super long story, I'll tell you the whole thing! Will, you're not gonna believe this, so—"
Little Will's head tilted a little, peering through the closing rift at older Mike. His eyebrows raised a little before he was looking at his older self.
"Oh my god." He mouthed, looking back at his own Mike. "Wow."
"Yeah," Will bit back a smile, looking over at his Mike. "Wow."
The gate's golden light faded and left the room dimmer. The silence wasn’t painful this time, not scary or tense. It just was, an empty space between them before it was filled with the touch of a hand.
“I forgot how cute you were when you were that little,” Mike was grinning when their eyes met again. “Oh geez, I shouldn’t have watched Poltergeist again—”
Will just yanked him back into himself, taking full advantage of the fact that he now could. “It was a really scary movie!” He defended himself with a grin.
“Our life is a scary movie,” Mike countered, letting Will do whatever it is Will wants to do.
“So dramatic,” Will tsked as Mike laughed.
“Says the one who successfully achieved time travel just because he missed me,” He teased right back, leaning in and kissing the corner of his mouth as if it were the most natural thing in the world and not absolutely earth shattering.
Will just laughed, letting Mike kiss him again and again and again as the lights flickered and buzzed all around him. He didn’t feel drained or exhausted — he was, don’t get him wrong, it’d been a draining couple of days — but his chest felt light and his mind was quiet for the first time in months. Not silent, but the noise was a soft hum, a repetition of ‘he likes me, he really likes me, oh god he doesn’t hate me’ played like the most beautiful song in his mind.
Eventually, the party would pile back into the room and they would part, not yet ready to share their new development with everyone just yet, but they’d known it was real and it was theirs.
And at the end of the night, when everyone had long since gone home and Mike stood in the front doorway of the Byers house, he’d kissed him again, this time with a soft unspoken promise:
Will Byers would never have to miss him like that ever again.